63: Cryptids and the Paranormal with Henry Zebrowski and Ed Larson | Soder Podcast | EP 61

Summary

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Soder Podcast Ep 63: "Cryptids and the Paranormal" with Henry Zebrowski & Ed Larson

Date: January 7, 2025
Host: Dan Soder
Guests: Henry Zebrowski (Last Podcast on the Left), Ed Larson, Marcus Parks, Katie

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Episode Overview

In this lively, freewheeling episode, comedian Dan Soder welcomes Henry Zebrowski and Ed Larson (of the Last Podcast on the Left) along with Marcus Parks and Katie, for a deeply irreverent and highly entertaining discussion on the paranormal, cryptids, aliens, museums as colonial trophies, and the weirdness of the modern media landscape. The conversation ping-pongs from recent news stories to wild speculation about extraterrestrials, interdimensional beings, underground societies, and the role that information overload plays in our collective numbness.

The group’s signature dark humor and philosophical curiosity make this a must-listen for fans of both comedy and fringe lore.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Social Media & Modern Fame (00:05 - 00:13)

• The guys riff on social media "trainers" as the new Pokémon, lampooning influencer culture.
• Ed: “People are just going to start searching for social media people like their Pokemon.” (00:05)
• They joke about viral “What do you do for a living?” street interviews (00:14).

2. News, Outrage, and Dark Humor (00:18 – 04:22)

• Ed recounts a sensational news story about the United Healthcare CEO’s assassination in NYC and the Internet’s mixture of outrage and schadenfreude (00:18 – 01:36).
• Discussion turns to why billionaires might actually want strict gun laws for their own safety (04:02).
  • Henry: “They’re coming. Those guns are aimed at you.” (03:59)
• They marvel at the irony of museum artifacts as the spoils of British colonial conquests.
  • Ed: “Museums are—people have been bringing this point up a lot—but museums really are like, England went and took everything, dude.” (04:24)
  • Marcus: “They don’t really apologize much. As they say, we stole this and it ain't going back.” (06:18)

3. British Museum & Colonial Loot (04:22 – 08:34)

• Extended riffs on the surreal experience of visiting the British Museum—with its pilfered treasures and grim histories.
  • Henry: “They basically had the leader of a tribe flip on his own people... and they bring it back and now it’s here.” (06:27)
• Their comedic imagination conjures Pete Davidson and Travis Scott sword-fighting among the artifacts.

4. British Life, Heatwaves & Coffee Woes (08:34 – 10:35)

• Ed describes struggling to get iced coffee in a London café during a heatwave, poking fun at British resource management.
  • Ed: “How did you guys dominate the world?” (10:20)
• Guy Ritchie-style movie about criminal ice trafficking is proposed (10:37).

5. UFOs, UAPs & Alien Anxiety (10:53 – 17:14)

• Henry gives a rapid update on a recent, global wave of UFO/UAP sightings—highlighting official confusion and widespread public indifference (11:52).
  • Henry: “The third wave of UFO and UAP activity in the last two days is out of control.” (12:15)
• The British government is allegedly shutting down citizen filming of UAPs (13:21).
• Speculation on whether UFOs are reverse-engineered human creations, true aliens, or both (13:56 – 14:06).
• Henry and Marcus theorize: are aliens from space, from the ocean, from other dimensions, or possibly “people from the future”? (15:28 – 15:49)
  • Henry: “I like the concept of consciousness drives reality creation... the universe is held together by pinion points of consciousness.” (15:40)

6. Consciousness, Simulation Theory & Cosmic Perspective (16:14 – 22:17)

• The group detours into simulation theory, cosmic consciousness, and Gnostic/Biblical mythos.
  • Henry: “We are in... the dream of the Creator.” (20:06)
  • Ed: “We’re the volcano in the kitchen, and your mom's going over—okay, next time, we're not doing it this much.” (21:35)
• Humorous takes on aliens misunderstanding religion and accidentally sparking Earth’s conflicts (17:01 – 17:29).

7. Alien Lore, DNA & Jimmy Carter’s Secret (22:32 – 25:10)

• The infamous (urban legend) tale of President Carter being traumatized by secret alien knowledge is discussed (16:25 – 16:40).
• Wild UFO lore: Eisenhower makes a treaty with "the Grays" in exchange for technology, humanity is given up as test subjects (24:12 – 25:10).
  • Henry: “Eisenhower signed an agreement with the Grays... you’re going to give us Wi Fi and we’re gonna give you 250,000 test subjects.” (24:48)

8. Government Secrecy & Public Apathy (25:57 – 36:40)

• The “cover-up” around UFOs: the government spends as much energy debunking as suppressing (22:32 – 22:49).
• “Why do we not care about the biggest revelations?” The group explores public indifference to both aliens and important news, thanks to a deluge of content (35:04).
  • Henry: “We could not possibly give a f---. If there are aliens, the psyop was done, and I do believe that it was done.” (35:10)

9. Social & Media Saturation (46:24 – 51:16)

• Discussion of online discourse, Reddit communities, and the decline of trustworthy information.
  • Henry: "Reddit... is the last true bastion of the actually independent product review." (44:13)
• Problems with Twitter’s “wild west” environment, paid verifications, and cultural divides between platforms (45:13 – 45:41).

10. 24-Hour News Cycles, Outrage Fatigue & Information Overload (49:05 – 53:19)

• Sports journalism and news as endless content engines—losing meaning in the noise.
  • Henry: “We have the Internet, which is 24 hour news... It is in our pocket.” (49:23)
• Ed: “You gotta do a research paper to just find out the weather...” (50:05)
• Overlap with health/fitness misinformation: the simple truth obscured by endless advice (50:36 – 50:58).
  • Henry: “They’ve had the answer for 100 years, which is exercise and watch what you eat.” (50:45)

11. Absurdity of Modern Outrage & Desensitization (52:32 – 55:06)

• The flattening of emotional response: everything from alien disclosure to assassination is swallowed by the feed in days.
  • Henry: “It’s a staccato rage.” (53:17)
• They note the rapid, cyclic nature of modern news, making even the most shocking stories quickly disposable.

12. Final Thoughts: Aliens Among Us, DNA, and Cosmic Weirdness (57:17 – 61:55)

• Final theories: are some people aliens and don’t know it? Is alien DNA part of the human genome? Is this what would shock the public the most? (57:17)
  • Henry: “My theory is that there are people walking around that are aliens that don’t know that they’re aliens.” (57:18)
• 23andMe, DNA tracking, and bio-data: more jokes about finding your dark doppelganger (58:44).
• Contemplating the Fermi paradox, biological rarity, or us as possible “first consciousness.”
  • Henry: “I still think... if it’s all biological aliens, we are one of the first... consciousness points.” (61:44)

13. Bonus: Would You Have Sex with Your Alternate-Universe Self? (62:02 – 63:39)

• The group ponders an R-rated classic sci-fi question with a comic twist.
  • Henry: “If I met another Henry, we’d just score like it’s the hug scene from Step Brothers.” (63:07)

14. Wrap & Shoutouts (63:55 – end)

• Dan Soder shouts out the Last Podcast on the Left, recaps book recommendations, and shares a personal story about driving through Ukiah, CA, near Jonestown’s origins, thanks to LPOTL research (64:25 – 65:18).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Henry Zebrowski: “Be afraid. Or be unstoppable.” (02:43)
• Marcus Parks: “They don’t really apologize much. As they say, we stole this and it ain't going back.” (06:18)
• Ed Larson: “How did you guys dominate the world?” (10:20)
• Henry Zebrowski: “I like the concept of consciousness drives reality creation... the universe is held together by pinion points of consciousness.” (15:40)
• Ed Larson: “We’re the volcano in the kitchen, and your mom's going over—okay, next time, we're not doing it this much.” (21:35)
• Henry Zebrowski: “My theory is that there are people walking around that are aliens that don’t know that they’re aliens.” (57:18)
• Ed Larson: “You gotta do a research paper to just find out the weather...” (50:05)

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Timestamps For Important Segments

• 00:05 – Social media and influencer satire
• 00:18 – United Healthcare CEO assassination story
• 04:22 – Museums, colonial artifacts, British elitism
• 10:53 – Recent UFO/UAP sightings and alien government paranoia
• 15:28 – Space, ocean, time-travel, and consciousness theories
• 20:06 – Simulation, Gnosticism, “dream of the Creator”
• 22:32 – Government debunking and public suppression about UFOs
• 35:04 – Public apathy/drop in reactions to shocking revelations
• 44:13 – Why Reddit remains (sort of) trustworthy
• 49:23 – Death of cable news, rise of info-overload
• 57:17 – Are aliens already here and in our DNA?
• 62:02 – Would you sleep with your alternate-universe self?
• 63:55 – Shoutout to Last Podcast on the Left; book recommendations

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Tone & Style

• Warm, darkly humorous, unapologetically irreverent.
• Fluid banter filled with pop culture, history, science fiction, and “dad energy”.
• Self-awareness of shifting between profound and frivolous.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a sprawling, philosophical comedy session about how the absurdities of human civilization—from our artifacts, media cycles, and conspiracy theories to potential cosmic neighbors—are funnier, weirder, and more complex than any news bulletin can capture. If you want to hear what smart, hilarious people actually talk about when their guard is down and the mics are on, this episode is quintessential Soder Podcast.

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Transcript

[Ed Larson]

People are just going to start searching for social media people like their Pokemon. It's happening. It's like Pokemon Go. But people with like huge Instagram accounts.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Have you seen the guy that goes up to. Just walks up to people that goes like, what do you do for a living?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I love that guy. And they're like, they're always in like super crazy nice cars. Yes. And they're like, I work in finance. Well, you know what I'm obsessed with today? There's two things. And we just start recording. We don't have we. Did you guys see the guy from United Healthcare got murdered?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, dude. No.

[Marcus Parks]

What happened?

[Ed Larson]

So the CEO of United Healthcare was outside of the Hilton on 6th Avenue and a guy in a mask walked up and shot him in the chest and killed him.

[Henry Zebrowski]

As long as he was responsibly wearing a mask, I'm fine with it.

[Ed Larson]

What was the distance? I know bullets can travel. It better have been 25ft.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He must have been if he was a responsible New Yorker.

[Ed Larson]

It would have been funny if it wasn't an assassination. But instead the guy goes, what are you gay? Why you wearing a mask? And then the guy's like, he's like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh my God, I just can't even believe I was roasted to death.

[Marcus Parks]

United Healthcare.

[Ed Larson]

Is that insurance or so These are so the Internet. And again, I'm just reading the Internet. The Internet is very much like, oh, no. But they're like, oh, there's that thing where they go like, I can't believe you got killed. But also, you know, he's a greedy piece of shit and maybe he should have been killed. I think it's. I think it's like a John Q situation where like, someone didn't get health care and they were like, they lost.

[Marcus Parks]

A parent or they lost kid.

[Ed Larson]

The movie you did.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

You did a whole movie about it.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, yeah, no, I didn't kill anybody.

[Ed Larson]

I made a movie. I was constructive about it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He used the pen.

[Ed Larson]

I wonder if, I wonder if your documentary got that guy killed. Cuz the guy that shot him goes, you know what? I'm going to make a documentary.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they go, they did that every single time. I come up with a concept, it's either somebody else's documentary, an episode of Always Sunny, Always make a documentary, or.

[Ed Larson]

The Simpsons, now I gotta kill. That's so funny to think he was like, ah, this guy Ed Larson did a documentary and now I gotta go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Shoot somebody and they're all drinking my milkshake.

[Ed Larson]

You see this gun goes into his chest.

[Marcus Parks]

I don't want anyone to get killed, but I want those to live in fear.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Well, that's like, why should.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Why is that not more of a thing? I feel like that's a. It seems to be uncomfortable. Comfortable. To say that these people should be afraid of us.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

They should be wondering the streets freely, man.

[Ed Larson]

If. If you're making this much money and you're shutting people out from health care. Yeah. Be afraid.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Be afraid. Or be unstoppable.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Be one of those things where he should have been carrying two guns.

[Ed Larson]

I brought this up a lot, but one time I bumped into Joel Osteen at serious.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And his security. If that guy would have had Osteen's security, there's no way it would. Got shot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You were talking to. We did our tour in Australia and. Or our security guy. Our tour manager also ran security for Tucker Carlson, Russell Brand. And Russell Brand. And he was talking about how the phalanx of armed men that surround that tiny little.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is so thick.

[Katie]

Am I secure? Yeah, I am secure.

[Ed Larson]

Do you know that I don't know if that's a rumor that he's the heir to the Swanson frozen food.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He comes from big money. He comes from.

[Marcus Parks]

He looks like he comes from rich.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And then when he rolls his sleeves up and he goes, I'm a working man just like you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And you're like, the hardest working thing on your body is your sleeves.

[Ed Larson]

Just funny. Yeah. Your forearms to keep those sleeves up are stressed out. But I always think it's crazy that, like, all these incredibly rich people, like, push for easy access to guns.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

When you're like, what are you doing?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Exactly. They're coming. Those guns are aimed at you.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Like, you should. If it would make more sen. If, like, strict gun reform was coming from the billionaire class where they were like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How many guns? How many people?

[Ed Larson]

We get starter pistols. Yeah. That's what you get.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We need to go back to slingshots.

[Ed Larson]

That would be kind of sick, though.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was just at the Met because it's all that.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. When you walk through the Met and you're like, the Met. Museums are. People have been bringing this point up a lot, but museums really are like, england went and took everything, dude. And now everyone has to go, look.

[Marcus Parks]

At this museum recently.

[Ed Larson]

It's great weapons.

[Marcus Parks]

You're like, take this to a neck. I'll throw that in the back.

[Ed Larson]

How rich do you got to get where you go to a museum? And you go, can me and my Buddies play swords.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Excuse me. Hey, I just think you have to be. I guess it's Pete Davidson.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. I was just wondering if me and Tyler, the creator, could have a sword fight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They be like, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Where do we.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Which ones?

[Ed Larson]

That would be so illy. Do they say illy anymore?

[Marcus Parks]

Try on this armor.

[Ed Larson]

Wow.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How trill is this?

[Ed Larson]

And then he comes around, he goes, this is probably sick.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the movie. Then some screenwriter right there says, like, this is it. Yes, exactly. Stoner. King Arthur's Court.

[Ed Larson]

Hi, I'm doing Royal Albert hall tonight. Do you mind if me. If. If me and Travis Scott play knights?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Absolutely. Oh, God, Immediately. Why didn't we think of that, Trevor?

[Ed Larson]

He goes, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't realize Pete Davidson would want to play knights today.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I shouldn't have anticipated.

[Ed Larson]

Of course, of course. Now, please tell me, what does Kim Kardashian's butt look like out of those rubber pants? It's round of the bounces. You ever filled up a water balloon.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Too much right before it pops?

[Ed Larson]

Yes. It's glorious. Oh, my. I'll tell you, my grandfather used to have to sail for months to touch butts like that.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

And then we brought those butts back home.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, Egyptian butts. Yes. We've colonized those. That's how they look. Their sexual exploits are all colonization things.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Ah, very good. Another excellent batch of clean big breasts.

[Ed Larson]

You must have been up in Scandinavia.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The very topic. But the British Museum now apologizes.

[Marcus Parks]

They don't really apologize much. As they say, we stole this and it ain't going back.

[Ed Larson]

That's so funny.

[Marcus Parks]

Then they want it back. It's here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We were there and we were watching. We were. There was like, a family taking this, like, cute photo in front of all these plates. And then you read the description of where the plates came from and what they did, and they basically, like, they flipped a tribe from the inside out. They got one of the guy. They basically had the leader of a tribe flip on his own people. He opened up the gates to the city, to the British armies to just come in, kill everyone, take all, rip all the stuff off of every single building, and then they bring it back, and they're like, and now it's here and now.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

And they're taking a picture, like, that's going to be their Christmas card. And then the display is called, like, the Rape of Agatha. It's always something. You're like, that's a horrible name. And I go, oh. These plates were actually put under the heads of Women being raped while they.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Were like, oh, take a picture to this one.

[Ed Larson]

It's from. Yeah, that's what it was. I got, like, two years ago, I did shows in London, and because of hay fever and I was sick, I lost my voice. So I had to cancel a day. And this British comedian gave me British edibles, which are so weak. Yeah, they're so weak. Biscuits. Yeah. It was like, I basically ate a whole bag of Welch's grape fruit snacks and felt a little. A little itchy. Whereas here, I'll have a 25 milligram and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, Exactly.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're on space tours.

[Ed Larson]

It was like, oh, Jesus Christ. So I ate a bunch of, like, British edibles and went. And it was that. It was just, like, sad. Constantly being like, oh. And they're like, this tribe never saw steel until a sword crushed their skull. And they're like, whoa.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They must have been so impressed in those first 30 seconds.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

We killed this whole tribe, and now we have this just dinner set.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. So come. Come look at it. Don't touch it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But those guys had, like. When you go like that Moses were my favorite room, though. It's like, yes. Obviously, it was all taken by their blood, but the. All of, like, the African tribesmen leaders have their own, like, sword.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. That was badass. That was awesome. There's rooms in the British museums that you walk into and you go, this is the coolest room I've ever been into in a museum. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So cool. It's very impressive. But then it just takes that much power and hate.

[Ed Larson]

I'm wondering if we went to different ones. I went to one that was called, like, the Albert and Victoria Museum. Oh, yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

We went to the big one. It's just called the British Museum.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. I went to the one called, like, the Albert and Victoria, and each one's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Got a line around the goddamn.

[Marcus Parks]

But if you just walk in the front door, it's fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You be confident.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And also, American confidence shatters.

[Ed Larson]

A lot of the British.

[Henry Zebrowski]

British can't handle it.

[Ed Larson]

You know what? They could. You know what they did love shutting me down about? I went to. I was staying across the street from. They don't have Starbucks there everywhere. They have Petite Dejeuner or whatever. The one.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And. And I was like, oh, they don't do iced coffee. They do. You have to get an iced latte. You can't get, like, a drip coffee.

[Marcus Parks]

No one's got drip. I was so mad.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're the only ones.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And I Go over there. And it was the hottest day in the history of London. It was like 102 degrees here. But in London, they were freaking out about it. This was like two years ago.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm surprised they could live.

[Ed Larson]

Ye, dude, they were. They were. You want to talk about fussy?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, people. It's all wool.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, everything's wool. They already look like hot and sweating. They're like, I don't like this at all.

[Katie]

This is only fine when we're taking the land.

[Henry Zebrowski]

My forehead.

[Katie]

I miss my foggy landing.

[Ed Larson]

But I went in and I was like, can I get a ice latte? And they were like, we're out of ice. And just the American in me was like, cool, we'll just like turn on the ice machine. And they go, no, that's it. That's it for the day. We have ice brought to us. And when it's over, it's over. And you're like, this country. How did you guys dominate the world?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Who are these? The scam artists running these ice trucks?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, it's just like, sorry, gov, it's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The only way to come all the way from Greenland.

[Ed Larson]

He's like, that's sneaky. That's. That's all snaky John. He's got all the ice and landing.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Where is the ice coming from?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, Guy Richie do a movie about ice.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, the ice trafficking unit traffic.

[Marcus Parks]

They get their sentence.

[Ed Larson]

Movie. I'd absolutely see jump cut. Like, Guy Richie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, they're like looking at the temperature rise. Be like, we should have done this in February.

[Ed Larson]

It's the hottest day in London and we control the ice. Were you guys bummed the aliens didn't come yesterday?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dude, they did know.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, you didn't know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm here, man. I'm in New York. I saw them.

[Ed Larson]

Can I tell you right now, the legitimate feeling I know you're joking, but the legitimate feeling I would have if I found out the aliens came and I didn't get to be a part of it would be the worst. It would be worse than someone having a birthday party and not inviting you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, very much so. Or just like getting up or watching somebody get that part that you wanted. Yeah, you know, I mean, like, especially in acting, you watch them have your job. I should have been right there, like, oh, cool.

[Ed Larson]

Good for him. The aliens came.

[Marcus Parks]

Was the Brooklyn alien sighting not real?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, the. What happened is the Jersey alien sightings, the drones, the New Jersey alien.

[Marcus Parks]

I was in Jersey. I didn't see.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dude, it was all over the legit.

[Ed Larson]

News by the way it was On New York 1, it was like it was everywhere.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They don't know what it is. And they showed close up pictures of the New Jersey drones and they are solid as they are physical. That's why they keep calling them drones. They look like little planes. They are. It's really happening. It just happened last week in the uk. It also happened last night in Arizona. It happened in North Carolina. It had like it is. Last night was one of the biggest night. That is what's spooky. Wait, last night was last night? The third wave of UFO and UAP activity that has come about in the last two days is out of control.

[Ed Larson]

Okay. Because I'm not. I.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's everywhere.

[Ed Larson]

Winnipeg, Canada January 30th, the 31st and February 1st. I will be at Rumors for five shows. Go get [e-mail] and this time leave your infectious diseases to yourself. California, 2025, the end of February San Diego. February 28th Los Angeles March 1st in San Francisco March 2nd. Get tickets on sale now. Dan Soder.com I will see you in 2025. And then other cities, don't worry, we're coming. We're putting it all together. But California, you're up first on this theater tour. I'm very excited about this. Again, February 28th I'll see you in San Diego. March 1st Los Angeles and March 2nd San Francisco. Dancer.com for tickets please buy them and.

[Marcus Parks]

I'll see you then.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So in UK you're trying to shut it down. Like there's a place called. I forget what the name of it. We're going to be talking about today on side stories. But it was. There's a, the. An airfield in the UK that has been dealing with these UAP flyovers for the last two weeks and they don't know what it is and now they've gotten so paranoid about it they're shutting down citizen filming of it. Like if you go people are showing videos and watching them get shut down by authorities. No, like, because they're like, I guess they, they legitimately don't know what the they are.

[Ed Larson]

Could it be reverse engineering?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Definitely.

[Ed Larson]

So you just think it's like humans that took UFO technology and are using.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It or is it aliens mimicking human technology? I don't know.

[Ed Larson]

Oh that me this is before noon. That's the thing that I wonder, dude. PlayStation being like.

[Marcus Parks]

Well you see the Chinese drone army that just got displayed the other day.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But the thing is they use it for pretty pictures.

[Marcus Parks]

For now, I don't know you strap a laser to it. You got 2,000 of them.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, you should have thought of that. They even put just kind of put.

[Ed Larson]

Sticks on them, just playing that March theme as they come over the horizon. It's like. And it's just drones.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, my God.

[Ed Larson]

Well, the thing. I mean, you know, and I was. We were talking about this in the living room because Katie was like, it's crazy to hear your guys's voices be attached to bodies.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Because I'm pretty loud about it. The only podcast I've ever consistently listened to, his last podcast on the left.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Dude, that means so much to me. We love you. You know how much, like, when we. It's been so long.

[Ed Larson]

But I genuinely am obsessed with your guys's podcast to the point that I brought it up on Rogan about underwater submersibles. And now I'm obsessed with the idea that I truly think it's from the ocean.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think that. That every stripe type is on the table.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's kind of what. We just had a talk with George Knapp, and he was saying the same things. I think it's coming from all directions. I think that.

[Ed Larson]

So you think it is space, but also from under.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's people from the future. And I think it's interdimensional.

[Marcus Parks]

We're talking multiple planets. Like multiple races, multiple species.

[Ed Larson]

Why us?

[Henry Zebrowski]

They're everywhere.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

They're on the other planets, too, probably.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Or they get it. They. I do think so. I think that where there is consciousness. I like the concept of consciousness drives reality creation.

[Ed Larson]

Sure.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So we are a. Consciousness is a natural. Outspringing.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

From the universe itself. Life will bend towards having a form of consciousness because understanding it. Yes. And I also believe that what it does is serves another function of literally creating some of the webs of reality. I think that the universe is held together by pinion points of consciousness that hold up an entire tent. It's like sticks in a. In a big tent.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And it holds up the universe. And so I think that eventually it swarms to wherever it's going. Or there's some truth to the fact that we were put here and they're coming to check on us.

[Ed Larson]

Well, that was the. The infamous Jimmy Carter story that he saw the aliens in Georgia. And then in. In 76, when he got elected, he's like, I'm gonna tell everybody what they know. And then they told him. They said when they left the room, he was head in hand, weeping.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, yeah. They would talk about this.

[Ed Larson]

Now you guys are containers. And they're just here to they like. But the thing that always takes me out of the Jimmy Carter thing is. And you can look it up online if you ever.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Solar panels. Yeah, that's my main thing. What a die.

[Ed Larson]

But the thing about that aliens created religion is so funny of the thought that the alien that's in trouble because he goes, I didn't know. I didn't know. I didn't know that the Islam and the Christians, they were going to start.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Killing each other with it. I was just trying to find walk some of their bigger titted ones of.

[Ed Larson]

Them just wanted them to breed with.

[Katie]

And then you guys got all weird.

[Marcus Parks]

Who knew talk of peace would bring so much war?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, for real. Because they're like, they call them into the head alien's office and they're like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What did you do? And he goes, it was a good idea on paper. I thought it was a cool hat. I literally just thought it'd be cool to wear a nice different hat than everybody else.

[Ed Larson]

Because the. The sub. I'm. You know, I love the subreddit aliens. I like love going there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

UFOs high strangeness.

[Ed Larson]

High strange. Interesting as fuck. They all like do different ones. But the. The idea that Jesus was a crossbreed of an alien human. And then they're like, look at all the stories in the Bible. A giant star followed Mary and they're like all this stuff. And you're like, that would be so cool.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean it's interesting. But you think that if he was an alien he wouldn't get nailed to a.

[Ed Larson]

Or he'd be winking the whole time. He's like, I love hookers. That's why I got Mary Magdalene.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, you pay them to leave.

[Ed Larson]

Hey, baby.

[Katie]

How much for a half and half?

[Marcus Parks]

I thought you were gonna leave in the morning.

[Henry Zebrowski]

My penis is on the back.

[Katie]

Actually, that's my Zorb Zorb sweatshirt. Can you not wear it? You've got a lot of perfume on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do you mind showering first?

[Ed Larson]

I understand you're more impressed with the.

[Katie]

Length of my fingers than the length of my penis.

[Ed Larson]

But they like, that's got to be humans to aliens. That's why it's always funny when we think we're the only existent. I've had this argument ridiculous because Big J does not believe in aliens at all.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He just doesn't want him to take that spots.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, he's like, dude, what are you guys doing? Late night spots. But he said like. And he has a good point on why he doesn't Believe it. Because he said like, well, if they were real, it would everyone's brain up and that's all everyone would want to talk about.

[Henry Zebrowski]

See, I feel that we have an astounding ability to not give a shit.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, dude. My grandmother had two children that wrecked the lives of several people. And she was like, they're good. They're good kids.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love these kids, dude.

[Ed Larson]

My grandma, my dad abandoned two families. And then finally in my grandma's winter years, she was like, yeah, your dad.

[Katie]

Was a good dad.

[Ed Larson]

And I go, no, he wasn't. And she goes, I know. Ah, fuck. So you knew the whole time? But that's what it's like with people where they're like, aliens aren't real. No. I thought.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what? I. I wonder if it points to the fact that we're in a simulation or if we're far away from everything else or I will. Simulation is said in a really like, dumb, shallow way.

[Ed Larson]

Like it's said in like, they think it's like a. A computer game.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. And it's more just what if. Because like, you know, according to the Gnostics. I know it's 11:52, I love this. But according to the Gnostics, right, Like the, the very base philosophical, like bottom of Christianity and some of these religions is the idea that there is like. We're walking around and what they call it is like the dream of the Creator where we're. We are in. But. But now they're saying according to math. Right. Like, we are ostensibly a hologram of math. That's all reality is, is that you could break it all the way down.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Actually, I'm sorry, I'm being an.

[Ed Larson]

I love. I love you saying that to Ed, who at times fights his Florida ness.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, very.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, comedic character. And then at that moment who's just breaking it out, he goes, yeah, yeah, true, man. I seen a gator eat a dog and I drank finest wines straight.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And aliens aren't real.

[Ed Larson]

There you go. Says, don't take my guns in America is numero uno.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I also wonder if we just can't. I also like the idea that we're new.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's one that's another version. Yes. Or that we're like. That there is not much conscious knife in the universe. That there isn't much.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that we're only kind of like a new adopt.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. We're like the petri dish. Yes. They're like, can we let consciousness? And then they go, oh, shit. Oh shit. You know, in when you, like, you built that volcano for the school project and you had, like, tried. Try it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

My mom did.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, but when your mom would do it. Because that's what all of our moms did. And then when they would do it and when it would leak too much and you go, oh, all right. Tomorrow at school, don't put that much in. That's what Earth is. We're the volcano in the kitchen, and your mom's going over. Okay, next time, we're not doing it this much. Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

We're the aliens put here to destroy the world.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But, like, it. Because of that. Because of the whole reality thing. Because of whatever. Like, it's like a fish doesn't know it's in water.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like, I feel like we just maybe we can't see it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I feel like it's maybe a little bit past us or. Obviously. Because that was one thing that we talked about recently with George Knapp of, like, why, if they are so foreign, right? If this is such a foreign concept, what's the point of hiding?

[Ed Larson]

Well, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, besides, like, just hiding. And then also, the government made such a big deal of saying there's no such thing as aliens. But then obviously, they have put a lot of time and money in debunking and, like, they have put a lot of time and energy in with that narrative.

[Ed Larson]

Or have they put a lot of time and money in keeping people calm. Because if people did find that out, they would lose their mind. Because I do think there is a lot in saying that we can't see it. Because you look at, like, the example I always use is when Cortez and the Spaniards.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This. This story. Right.

[Ed Larson]

Faded. That The. The. The. They couldn't. The Mayans couldn't see the ships because they had never seen ships on the water.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Apparently, this. That story is slightly. It is inaccurate. I learned about this.

[Ed Larson]

I love that story. Hulk Hogan wasn't a good guy. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that he was a divestiture. Good for America.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But the only. But it's kind of. It's. It's. Well, it's way more human. It's the. They. Someone sold them out. Yeah, it was the same thing. It was like, somebody. I forgot what her name is one. There's, like, a famous woman that, like, sold out the Mayans to the white dudes. And it's hard. It's that thing you find out. They were like.

[Ed Larson]

But she goes, I'll take one of your silver hats. He goes, it's armor. But, okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Unless it is the same function. Yeah, unless it's legitimately, like the most. Let's say the most ridiculous version of the truth is real. Yeah, like the most ridiculous. That Eisenhower faked having a dental emergency while he was president and they said they went to Tampa and he signed this in Tampa. Yeah, he signed an agreement.

[Marcus Parks]

Those are his people. He's from Tampa.

[Henry Zebrowski]

From the Queens.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

And you lived in Tampa for most of your life.

[Ed Larson]

I will not allow Tampa to claim me. Just show him a long bridge and he starts weeping. I love it. I miss Tampa. And it's long stretches of bridges.

[Henry Zebrowski]

God, I love the roosters.

[Ed Larson]

Tampa. I love a bridge. That really serves a purpose.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Put the. But I. So Eisenhower signed an agreement with the Grays to say, all right, you're going to give us Wi Fi and we're gonna give you 250000 test subjects.

[Ed Larson]

Okay.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right. And that it essentially. That's one big chapter of UFO lore.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is it? Eisenhower did that and then for. Then for some reason they didn't pay attention to the contract signs and then do whatever they wanted.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, we're supposed to believe that aliens like trust contracts?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Seriously? There's our lawyer. Have you read the Art of the Deal?

[Katie]

This check this paragraph right here. Can we get this stricken from the record?

[Henry Zebrowski]

You need to take a closer look at this pay package.

[Ed Larson]

Give up a dentist appointment for this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But okay.

[Ed Larson]

It is one of those things where you're like, if they have contracts, why would. If. Why would a superior life form respond to a contract?

[Henry Zebrowski]

But can you make a Pleiadian sign an NDA? I don't think it works like that.

[Marcus Parks]

I think the idea of a treaty could work though.

[Ed Larson]

A treaty. Well, I think the, you know, obviously aliens showed up when we got the technology to make of the atomic bomb. I think that was like, we don't talk to ants, but if you saw an ant carrying a handgun, you'd be like, hey, chicken. Hey, let's go down to that ant hill. That's a loaded.45.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Unless you also believe in that line of UFO lore that the we. That a part of what they say the Galactic Federation sure looks for in societies is the splitting of the atom as the next steps. Because. Yeah, because what that means is now you understand some form of quantum mechanics and can use them.

[Ed Larson]

You can understand how we got. How they get here, how you get it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Or it's like, what's weird though is that that stuff is also. They don't necessarily have a direct propulsion system. And. But what is super str is what. When people are around UAPs, they do get sick.

[Ed Larson]

Really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

And it's not unlike radiation poisoning, but it's not radiation. It's something. It is.

[Ed Larson]

That is funny that they go like, they split the atom. And they do that thing in the movies where they go, now you're getting it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Wow.

[Ed Larson]

That's it. That's the song. We're moving on up with aliens. I love talking to you guys about aliens because it's like back in the day when you'd go to a record store and bring up a rock band, and people are like. You're like that, shit. Check this out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Let me tell you something else. He makes you even worse because I saw this.

[Ed Larson]

I saw this video, and I was stupid to not write the lady's name down, but it's an old interview from the 70s or 80s, and she's talking about how the grays that we see aren't actual grays, but they're more like robots mixed with the actual grays. And the reason they can send those down here is because our gravity is so firm, is so, so tough that it would crush them. And when they take us to experiment up there, they have to change the wavelengths. And that's why whenever they bring us back, we're bruised and hurt. Because they said, like, going from the shorter wavelength to the more firm, which we have, then you figured out they'd.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Have a way to fix that. Right? Right. But I also think, like, this is.

[Ed Larson]

Like, when you find out your. Your MacBook charger used to have those prongs, the wrap the things on you go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No idea. You know what I also learned? You could do a life hack for me.

[Ed Larson]

What?

[Henry Zebrowski]

You could ask the dentist. Numb you no matter what.

[Ed Larson]

Really? Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I did not know that.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, if your dentist is cool.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I didn't realize that until. And then I went the last. My wife Natalie said that. She's like. Because I was like, I hate the dentist. I'm ever. With every man, I hate the dentist. I was like. And then I was.

[Ed Larson]

I really.

[Henry Zebrowski]

She's like, you don't ask him to numb you for a cleaning. And I was like, I didn't know you could do that. They called me a.

[Ed Larson]

Also. That's also wild, though, because you also just look like a drug addict numbing me. They go, we're just gonna look at your teeth.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, just you moving my lips hurts.

[Ed Larson]

This hurts talking to you. I need you to numb me.

[Marcus Parks]

I'm such a baby at the dentist. Last time I had them, like, numb Me like, six times. And then, like, they're like, you know, this is gonna hurt later. I was like, whatever. What are you talking about? And then, literally, my jaw hurt because it kept stabbing my jaw with needles.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

So, like, for like, a week, I was all up.

[Ed Larson]

Take a sip of water just leaks out your mouth in, like, 12 different. A. Like a skeleton, but walking into a. Walking into a dentist and going numb me. And they go the.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think more.

[Ed Larson]

That's what I did.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was like, slather me. I don't even want to. I'm sick of this.

[Ed Larson]

I don't even want to know where I am right now.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, dude. I want my teeth to feel like they're gone.

[Ed Larson]

Do you think there is jealousy of, like, underwater aliens versus space aliens? Like, do you think there's like. Like, the way that, like, well, they.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Get to live in the. Because I do think that those are the ones. The ones that live here. Yeah, I think the ones there are ones that live.

[Ed Larson]

They're like, off. These are our rock monkeys.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is my stuff.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. These guys that. We've been growing them on these rocks. Yeah. For millions of years.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're playing with their chips.

[Ed Larson]

We go up there, we take them under the water, we. With their bits, and we put them back up. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love sourcing their comp.

[Marcus Parks]

I like the Hitchhiker's Guide thing where the dolphins are the aliens.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And they are just looking at us. They're like, yeah, I'll swim with you.

[Katie]

Idiots.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. One almost raped my mom.

[Ed Larson]

You know, that's gotta be. If you're a dolphin, you probably hate the rape rumor.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're just like, hey, can we not. Like every time. You're like, hey, listen.

[Ed Larson]

They're like cops. They're like one bad apple. Let's just.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Just think about all the other wonderful things that dolphins are known.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, come on.

[Marcus Parks]

How many times people say yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, so it's consensual. It's fine.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Have you seen what some of these older women are wearing in the ocean?

[Ed Larson]

Well, they be. How about. You don't swim in a big bikini? Yeah, the dolphins do the. What are they wearing? Yeah. Well, what are you guys getting in there? You got your nipples all hard when you get in the water. I'm a dolphin.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No one talks about whale murder.

[Ed Larson]

That is the thing with dolphins.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's like a full underwater. What about.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, they go. What about orcas pinning those people?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. What about that?

[Ed Larson]

But if you're like a. If you're an underwater alien and you're like, like you've got the technology to shoot out of the sky, grab people, bring them back down. And then these space aliens or interdimensional where you're like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It feels like when Iceland. They play Iceland and Mighty Ducks too.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. You guys don't listen to the rules. You're too violent. Because if you're an interdimensional alien and you're popping up here and you're like, oh, you guys live here.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, I feel like the interdimensionality is the stuff that makes cryptids. Yeah, I think that's what cryptids are largely. I think there are people that are. I think that it's animals in the deep woods.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like look at North Carolina. We just covered the story, but there was the. The macaque.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Monkeys getting South Carolina. But yeah, South Carolina. They got out of the test facility and then immediately there was Bigfoot sightings. Because people saw that. Well, it's because it's funny because there were, there were.

[Marcus Parks]

And they're like, oh yeah, yeah. I mean I would probably do that.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. But Bigfoot, I mean, what a PR team. Oh yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Bigfoot's got like nasty, gross, stinky.

[Ed Larson]

Anybody's like, don't tell him I don't want to launch you yet. He's got like the sunglasses on in a cage.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Hey, it's all about timing.

[Ed Larson]

He's like soft. Launch me, dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And anybody. And they would. God, people would line up a pr.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, you Bigfoot live, dude.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like when I've seen fans models that.

[Ed Larson]

Would just be pining to get Bigfoot on a stream.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Cuz I've seen the ones with the. Do we. How do we feel about horse dick shaped dildos? Like how do we feel as a. As a three men.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean it's better than a horse is.

[Ed Larson]

Reminds me of. It reminds me of the Louis CK bit where he says we should just make accurate children sex dolls for pedophiles.

[Henry Zebrowski]

This is what I was saying. Chop off their heads, throw them in a ditch, set them on fire, do whatever you want.

[Marcus Parks]

A pedophile island in Washington. They could just drop them all there and they can just be there and be. Put a gate on it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'm gonna say the fairies.

[Ed Larson]

Rough, dude. Yeah, that is that. What a up Jurassic Park. Welcome. Welcome to pedophile island.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Let me see you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Where's your children? We spent no expense.

[Ed Larson]

It's all unopened cards and toys.

[Henry Zebrowski]

My God, some of these little boys are turning into little girls.

[Ed Larson]

There's like a. There's Like a. A Robinson. Swiss Family Robinson, where, like, Lord of the Flies, like, a whole boat of kids lands on that island, and they're like, look at all this candy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's amazing.

[Ed Larson]

Andy, who's that guy over there?

[Henry Zebrowski]

And he's like, I knew this day would come. The prophecies have foretold our tiny treasures.

[Ed Larson]

A whole boat of tiny socks. Oh, I've wished and wished.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Child is back on the menu, boys.

[Ed Larson]

They ring a bell? Yeah, dude. That's like, they. I always think, like, what would aliens think of pedophiles?

[Katie]

Where they're like, yeah, everyone does. Young kids.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Immediately cancel Zip Zap.

[Katie]

So here's how you can cut carbon emissions. And also, can I have one of your kids.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Think about this?

[Ed Larson]

Right?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Listen. All right, listen. Do we want to keep Santa Monica? Because if we listen to Zor, we can keep Santa Monica. We just got to get. Give him one child.

[Ed Larson]

We're pretty close to losing Baja.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

So I think they'll teach us how to keep the temperatures rising.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I'll give him. I'll give him Richard. He's the worst.

[Ed Larson]

My.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's my worst.

[Ed Larson]

Give them. Give them the boy from Modern Family when he's all chubby.

[Katie]

We'll take the deal.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. I mean, it's crazy that there are been. There've been so many. Many Senate hearings, Congress hearings recently with the Navy and everything, saying, like, yeah, UFOs are very real.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

No one is reacting.

[Marcus Parks]

No one cares.

[Ed Larson]

I don't think, dude, social media. Yeah. Got too powerful.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Look what we just did.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It doesn't. We could not possibly give a. If there are aliens, it won. They. They were the. If the psyop was done, and I do believe that it was done. And because we could see that they talked openly about. About ridiculing the UFO community. Debasing. Like, you know, when we were growing.

[Ed Larson]

Up, if you brought up UFOs, you were called crazy. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Always.

[Ed Larson]

You're like, you're crazy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah. And it was. And so it worked, and now we don't give a. People are just really very concerned about the money going into their wallets, which I do understand. And it's survival. I can understand why. But why would you care about aliens? If you got. If you're. Your mama's addicted to oxy and your neck and your niece is.

[Ed Larson]

You're planning on killing the CEO of UnitedHealthcare, and they're like, there's aliens. He goes, I don't give a. I'm putting two in that guy's chest.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, dude, I, like, I had a pipe burst and my life was ruined.

[Ed Larson]

My sewage is backed up in my basement. I don't care that there's little green men, but I also think that's gotta really hurt. The aliens.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I thought we were going to break the Internet.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They go, hey, hey.

[Ed Larson]

And they go, we don't care, dude.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, well, they've been here for what, decades?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Centuries.

[Ed Larson]

Well, I think there's, there's, there's like, the reason I always loved the Alien movie was after they made Prometheus, you're like, I kind of think that's a good idea that there's these, like, bigger humans that are. That came here and were like, ah, let's put a little us in this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. They might see where it goes if it, I, it, it could very well be. It's just hard because I, I, that's. I used to be obsessed with simulation. I was obsessed with the idea that we live in a simulation. And it finally broke through to me where I was like, will it change a single thing about my present life?

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was like, nah, I can rage against the simulation all I want. All it's going to do is make my wife leave me. And I just need to stay in the pocket and just. All right, let's just keep on just staying in this very real.

[Ed Larson]

I need more credits.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like, I just need to keep moving forward.

[Ed Larson]

Like, but it's never the people that get like a stage 4 colon cancer that are like, it's a simulation. Yeah. You don't, you're like, yeah, whatever. What the.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I think if I had stage four cancer, that's when I could finally really let it rip.

[Ed Larson]

Don't ever get sick.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I will.

[Ed Larson]

I don't want to see sick. You want to really know what's going on.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I've actually never understood why we haven't had more weaponized people with terminal diseases.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, like suicide bombers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, because I kind of think about that, about change you could make if you just put on about, sure, you got colon cancer. Put on a grenade vest. Go, go get us some new good. Somebody help us get us new emissions testing.

[Marcus Parks]

That's where the Japanese up in World War II all. They used all their good pilots up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, you guys could have done so.

[Ed Larson]

Much for everything, for the community. But you, you wonder if they catch the murder of this United Healthcare guy. What if he was terminally sick?

[Henry Zebrowski]

I mean, that I would, that would make total sense.

[Marcus Parks]

He'll be a hero.

[Ed Larson]

Absolutely. Just going like, he's gonna kill it but because it's like if that came out that it was like a terminally ill guy that you know, precond this pre existing condition, can't get medical care, kills the guy that runs medical.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It'll be like the nude. Like Johnny Appleseed.

[Ed Larson]

People wouldn't be mad? No, they would go like so they.

[Marcus Parks]

Didn'T catch the guy?

[Ed Larson]

No, dude, it heads.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They'll get him.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean New York City.

[Ed Larson]

But here's the thing about.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What if it's the president of progressive.

[Ed Larson]

Oh. Or you know what's even funnier? It's like just like a car insurance. It's not a geico. What the. What the dude? He goes sorry, these progressive bundles are killing us.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, they're.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, they're right my flow that she's just bundling everything together for the rest of it. He goes, we're going hunting today.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Time to up our subscribers.

[Ed Larson]

You know, he's putting the gun in his holster. He goes, you know, 1988 Aetna could have bought this whole goddamn. Today. Today I show them that Aetna never went away.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Wow.

[Ed Larson]

My mom was working for Aetna. I should call and be like, what's the real truth? Yeah, we go home for Christmas. Trisha's got a corkboard board. She goes, but follow me, follow me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was like, I'm with you, mom.

[Ed Larson]

She goes, this thing goes all the way to the top. USF&G was an outlet of UnitedHealthcare. I go, all right. Damn.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I love, I love you.

[Ed Larson]

No, no, no, no, no. You would think that this single payer would leak, but it doesn't.

[Marcus Parks]

Do you need a bum.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Is it not impossible to go missing in New York now though?

[Ed Larson]

Like I feel like people can do.

[Marcus Parks]

I mean he's.

[Ed Larson]

You know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I mean in terms of like if they're looking for you in there. Cuz isn't CCTV coverage kind of everywhere?

[Ed Larson]

And it's like there are on most city blocks. It is, it is coverage. But that's. They're also like.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Cuz in New York City give you the benefit of lying to you about the cameras. They try to hide the cameras.

[Marcus Parks]

Are there still people living in the.

[Ed Larson]

Tunnels and yeah, I think the mole people are still there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But yeah, it costs like $4,500 a month actually some of the amenities are really nice.

[Ed Larson]

They go, you are going to get an amazing sleep.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Emotion from the J Train LS me to sleep honestly.

[Ed Larson]

And it works as both a coolant and as a heater. You're going to get the Best of both worlds. Now, there is a rival underground gang.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Listen, you will have to kill his wife called Queen Lantia.

[Ed Larson]

And they do harvest organs, but that is a very small detail here. They're. Yeah, man, I think the cameras, they do. They downplay the cameras most of the time. But then what I love is like a homeless guy punches Rick Moranis and they're like, we got him. Oh. I mean, they're like, they can track crazy people like Buffalo. Like an assassin, a professional assassin, a full on hit. And they can't put it together, man.

[Marcus Parks]

I'll tell you. Well, Rick Moranis is loved that man. No one gives a about.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Nobody cares about that guy.

[Marcus Parks]

Imagine how much that guy gets his ass kicked in jail.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like you the one who punched Rick Moranis.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, yeah. Better hope he comes up with, honey, I shrank my. Because I'm about to. You. I'm about to tear your ass up. So funny. He's like. He's like in there on the other side of the glass. And they're like, baby, how is it? He's like, I shouldn't have punched that man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I should have left him alone.

[Marcus Parks]

I thought it was Woody Allen. Honestly.

[Ed Larson]

Honestly. I lost money on the little Giants game.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I went into the commentary the other day and they were playing Ghostbusters 2. And all began again.

[Ed Larson]

That man was like, I didn't go, that nerdy from Ghostbusters.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They look up there. When he said he turned me into a dog girl. Like, yeah, damn. That's right.

[Ed Larson]

I meant, dude, it would. I mean, if he did go, I'm the key master. Before he did it. Are you the key master Master? Even the cops arrest him. They go, that was a good reference, bro. Watch your head. Watch your head, buddy. Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Rick Moranis is just. His wife is sick.

[Ed Larson]

I mean, she's dead. She's dead.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's very sick.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah, it's extra sick.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. The most sick you can be is dead. But there, I mean, you. I'm trying to think of who's more beloved, loved, that could get punched. That you would be like, man, like right now. Steve from Blues Clues.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, But I always feel. I feel like these days that when somebody. Something like that happens with the Internet, it's almost like the backlash to the love. Then you find out a bunch of other.

[Ed Larson]

Because that's when the stuff gets brought up.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because I think that Rick Moranis got like punched and it was like, obviously, no, we haven't really. But I do believe there was one article was like, well, he does have several unpaid Parking tickets where they, like, dug into, like, his tour. Are we really sad about the Rick Moranis attack?

[Ed Larson]

That's where Vice is now. They go, rick Moranis got punched. Yes. But his hatred of Filipinos goes back decades.

[Henry Zebrowski]

How'd you find that?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Oh, dude. I didn't know he was speaking ill of Tagalog.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Why.

[Marcus Parks]

Why was he have problems with it?

[Henry Zebrowski]

But I feel like, yeah, that is.

[Ed Larson]

What the Internet does now. The Internet is not 100% on anything. They'll go like, this beloved person got.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Got hit, and there's not 25 on anything.

[Ed Larson]

No. It's so broken now that. What's crazy is that's why I've been saying this. That's why I enjoyed Reddit, because Reddit is a specific. You can go to aliens.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

And that's all it is.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

It's like just.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's the old Internet. That's what the old Internet was.

[Ed Larson]

You just go to like. Like, I'm a big video game guy. A new video game goes out. I'll, like, go to the subreddit to be like, oh, these are all people talking about it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what the sneaker is about, about Reddit, too, is that, weirdly, it's the last place. I think that what I like about Red is that it's highly divisive and you can find whatever opinion you're looking for and that. But it is the last true bastion of the actually independent product review.

[Ed Larson]

Yes.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It is the. That is where I go to look up reviews for dishwashers and like that.

[Ed Larson]

Because it's not paid. It's not like you go on Instagram, you Google it, you're.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, it's all fake. It's all. It's all review bomb.

[Ed Larson]

Twitter's. Twitter's cooked now. Blue sky is too blue.

[Marcus Parks]

I just heard about Blue sky last week.

[Ed Larson]

Blue Sky's like a. To me right now, it feels like a book club where no one wants to call stuff gay. Yeah. So you're like, I don't know if I want to hang out there yet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

My question is, what is it?

[Ed Larson]

I. It's. It's just supposed to be like. I think it's Twitter. It's like, supposed to be the new Twitter where they, like, ban hate speech speech. No, I think it's just.

[Marcus Parks]

I thought that was.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. What about Threads?

[Ed Larson]

I think Threads. I think Threads was trying to do that, and it didn't work. Basically what they're doing is they're like, if you like Donald Trump, they don't like you on Any of those. That's like what it is. Like, it sucks. If you're a Trump fan and you, like, go to Blue sky and they're like, sorry, sorry, buddy.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're gonna want to go to Twitter.

[Ed Larson]

And then you look back at Twitter and it's just on fire. And you go, I gotta live there.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. Yeah. Yes. That is what you like. That is where you live.

[Ed Larson]

Twitter is wild. Wild.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah.

[Ed Larson]

I don't even go on it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Anything.

[Ed Larson]

Posts, clips. But like, dude, you go on there and you're just like, what the.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We took last podcast off it. We took everything off of it.

[Ed Larson]

Really?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Because it doesn't serve us. And it really like the idea of us promoting. I mean, I think it's pretty normal. The idea of us promoting our Dark Evil podcast, which is fine. Right? But it's still innocent in its core. It's innocent. So it's just funny to watch it get. I feel like it gets conflated with all this horrible when you put it up next to the horrible. So you don't want to. To be next to horrible. Because I'm sick of being called a misogynist just because I have a horrible voice or. Excuse me, because that's all it is. The only reason why I get called a massage is I've never said anything hateful towards women. I just sound like one.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, you sound like. You go.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But it was.

[Ed Larson]

It became a thing where, like, once the verification system was gone, you were just like, what the is this?

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, my God. I got the other day, Instagram's like, oh, you can be verified now. Get your blue check mark. I was like, all right. They're like 14.99amonth.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Crazy.

[Marcus Parks]

Go yourself.

[Ed Larson]

That's. That's honestly the only reason I've enjoyed leaving or not going back on Twitter is because the 49ers are having a terrible season.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, you don't want to be a part.

[Ed Larson]

And that was always the thing that made me the angriest on Twitter would be like, after the Niners lost to the bills, if I would have gone on there, someone would have been like, 49ers suck.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I will say that was my first realization. I was not a big sports guy. I never really watched a lot of sports. I've been doing it more often because I found it to a really pleasant way to dissociate in airports and stuff. Like, I'm discovering that men. That. That's a good, safe place for you to go to.

[Ed Larson]

It is. It is the makeup tutorials for men.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. But Then I realized immediately it was kind of funny. You watch something and I said something once I was alone in a bar and I was watching a game and the sports journalism was coming on and I was like, these guys don't know what they're talking about, do they? And this guy was like. Like, you just nailed it. You just started watching sports and you just understood that the only. They are all filled with and have to fill hours of television where they just. Full year.

[Marcus Parks]

The NFL Network did 17 weeks.

[Ed Larson]

It's crazy. It. Well, well, what it is is it's like, especially because, you know, Katie used to work at Fox Sports and espn and you see like the people that are trying to make good stuff, like, hey, we can make this funny and we'll like do.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Of course.

[Ed Larson]

And then you just see people that just. She did a thing when she worked at espn that was such a good segment where she was at the Pro bowl and she would show NFL players at the Pro bowl pictures of is this a bachelor contestant or an NFL kicker? And that's hilarious. Guys were getting it wrong. That's guys. Guys were getting their own kickers wrong. That guy's a bachelor bachelorette contestant. She's like, no, he's the kicker for the Ravens. But it was like this great segment and I. It was right when we started dating that she did it. I was like, that that's so good. And then I saw it get stolen by two other people that just put it out on their sports thing and they're like, look at this idea. And you're like, oh, then it wouldn't serve you to go do something original and new people are just going to take it because. And I think this is a bigger. I think sports is an example of the bigger problem, which is the 24 hour news cycle. It needs to be cut.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's just the problem is that it can't go away because of the nature of information.

[Ed Larson]

So much money. How.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, it's not even. It's. Yes, obviously so much money, but it's also just the way we are in. Which is what I believe Carl Sagan said that he was upset about.

[Ed Larson]

Right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Which is the concept that we're into an information market.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We've slid into that. Information is. Is ubiquitous. It is everywhere. It's instantaneous. It's hard to get outside of it. So. So what's hard about cable news and that 24 hour thing is that we kind of already have it. We have the Internet, which is 24 hour news. It is in our pocket. So I Don't need to go pay extra money to go watch you do some highly stylized spun version of information when I'm already getting that spun information on the Internet. Which I also have to go and decipher what is real and what is not real by reading multiple sources. And now I'm sitting here wondering why.

[Ed Larson]

I fucking my whole book.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Pressures 1:20 or 95.

[Ed Larson]

Well, you got to do a. You got to do a research paper to just find out the weather, anything to find it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You get a straight answer, you get a. An actual. Like it's. It is so. And it's ridiculous. It's like a microcosm. This dumb super boring content. I'm trying to figure out how to work out if you type in good luck basic workout plan. Right. Like I'm trying to figure out how million different things how to do do. It's like this is what the I was like the pile of information. It's so much stuff. Everybody says all their op, they all say opposite.

[Ed Larson]

Well, that's what's interesting. What's what I think is funny about the whole exercise community is they've had the answer for 100 years, which is exercise. And watch what you eat.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's all you have to do.

[Ed Larson]

Drink water and drink water and you will lose weight and you'll feel better. But because of this, now everyone goes, well, you got to drink this one water and you gotta, you gotta eat this stuff. And you go, well no, it's just the basic concept.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You gotta maximize gains.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And the key is you gotta get your reflection angles.

[Ed Larson]

And then what happens is people know your muscle structures.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was like, I'm learning anatomy. I'm sitting here.

[Ed Larson]

Sit down. I just want to fix that right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Before I work out too. It's cuz I smoke a huge bowl, right? I like to smoke a joint or a bowl before working out.

[Marcus Parks]

And then I'm very Harrison Ford of you.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's my favorite. That's. You're not the first person to say.

[Ed Larson]

That Harrison Ford does it.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh yeah, he just smokes weed and works out and occasionally pretends to act.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's incredible. He lives the perfect life.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, and he crashes planes in helicopter.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He survived I think three plane crashes.

[Marcus Parks]

And then every movie he's in has one too.

[Ed Larson]

Out of the three crashes, has anyone survived it with him and gone. Good job, Han Solo. Yeah, you got it. At least hit one time.

[Marcus Parks]

He also saved a child's life life while flying. Found a kid too.

[Ed Larson]

Dude, that's nuts. Speaking of 24 hour news cycles, I'M gonna get into a huge Harrison Ford rabbit hole. Yeah, dude, she's like, enough with Harrison Ford. I'm wearing an Indiana Jones hat. Passing my whip. I go, nah, this is good. I got this.

[Marcus Parks]

It belongs in a museum. It's your coffee. That's your coffee.

[Ed Larson]

She made that. I iced coffee in our kitchen. Yeah. Oh, God damn it. Yeah, but that's, I think like the thing with 24 hour news cycles is it makes people like feverishly devoted to something. Like, it makes people extremists about random.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But also it creates a general shallowness of emotion.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So in my, my first, like when I watch it, it's why, like we kind of talk about it even on the show, like on the interior of our shows that we found that when we're wr about profound pieces of information, sometimes the audience is just as angry about something that is not. That is frivolous.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And you've noticed that like, it's kind of like, you know, we were in D.C. when Trump got shot. That story was over in four days. Like, that was crazy done. That story was over. People moved on. And I think that on some level we are not sure what to be really angry about anymore. And they have done that extremely well. They made it so that we're just a blanket every. There's no peaks and valleys. It's a. It's a.

[Ed Larson]

There's no time.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

No.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's a staccato rage.

[Marcus Parks]

Also the 24 hour news cycle, it's more than that. Because you're watching cnn, there's a ticker on the bottom telling you other news in the corner.

[Ed Larson]

You're like, what? Just too much. I cannot remember a time I've turned on a cable news channel and not seen breaking news. It's always how it's true.

[Henry Zebrowski]

911 did that. They talked about that ticker started. Was on.

[Marcus Parks]

Was right. Was during 911.

[Ed Larson]

All breaking news all the time. And then you read that CNN made the most money they've ever made as a company. When Trump was president, they wanted him to win. They wanted.

[Marcus Parks]

The ratings would have went in the tank.

[Henry Zebrowski]

MSNBC wanted him to win. They all. Because look at the even. I know.

[Ed Larson]

Watch.

[Marcus Parks]

When Obama was president, I was like, oh, good, I can chill for a while.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We were lied to by our own propaganda machines. To us even just the concept that Kamala had a shot.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, right.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Like we were lied to. So because was like that. That was like one of those where I was like, obviously, no, I'm being lied to. But it was Weird. In that time where I was like, wow, I'm a member of the media and I bought it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know, I bought.

[Ed Larson]

I. You can buy. You can buy. They're so good at selling stuff that anything can become with enough. When. When they push something enough, you start to go, like, I. Maybe that's true.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Sure. Of course.

[Ed Larson]

Because you're in some point, you're like, oh, yeah, we. No one even really freaked out that they didn't even have a real convention, that they didn't really pick a candidate. Yeah. No one really freaked out of the fact that they were just like, joe's not doing it. She's gonna do it. You're like, we're ever. Wasn't everyone yelling about this for a year? And they're like, don't worry about it. And that's over in three days.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, it was over in three days. And we push it all the way through.

[Ed Larson]

And that's like this alien thing. They're showing up seven different places, and everyone goes like, that's over.

[Marcus Parks]

It's.

[Ed Larson]

Juan Soto's gonna sign with someone.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But you will.

[Ed Larson]

Like, literally.

[Henry Zebrowski]

They are already kind of in another.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A news cycle. They're already in another.

[Ed Larson]

It would take an abduction in plain sight, and that would go away in three days.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

No one can still be like, what they do to.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Well, if they're not attacking their Twitter history.

[Marcus Parks]

Yeah. They've been here for years. They're not attacking us, so who gives.

[Henry Zebrowski]

A. Yeah, well, it's because it's the concept of, like, people don't like an open loop. No, humans don't like an open loop. We don't like to scare us, of course, because we're watching these things hover around and we're like. It's more just like. My point is more like, so if they are here, like, what are.

[Ed Larson]

What.

[Henry Zebrowski]

What are they doing?

[Ed Larson]

Why are you guys here?

[Henry Zebrowski]

And that's why. Part of me I wonder, like, kind of that way where it's like, I don't know if we figure into the equation at all. Like, I don't know.

[Ed Larson]

What if we found out that they were here the whole time time observing us to start a podcast on their planet. We wanted to learn.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We're doing a deep dive into humans. It's a funny take where we have a main narrator writing a script, and two funny ones.

[Katie]

I've seen different versions where they show video clips and also versions where they do deep dives into books.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's called the Dear Dork and Dick formula.

[Katie]

Welcome to Cutting up cattle. We've cut up enough cattle.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, my God.

[Katie]

Welcome to Cornfield Design. What's up?

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's your boy, dude, who I, you know, I like. That's why you've heard the show. I still believe like, in my heart of hearts, all truths are way more subtle and strange, and we don't know what's going on. Like Lou Elizondo, they said the big thing that would shack there was like a piece. There's one specific, specific piece of information that they keep saying, will everybody up? This is the thing that made Jimmy Carter cry. Yeah, this is the thing. And they keep alluding to whatever this thing is. And the last thing I heard about it was that Lou Elizondo said the key is that it's weirder than anything that you could really think about.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Because that would make you uncomfortable.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes. And my theory is that there are people walking around that are aliens that don't know that they're aliens. That is like my, my. That's my most ridiculous theory where it's like.

[Marcus Parks]

That's the one that makes the most sense to me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

There's DNA. There's alien DNA that was found in our blood and we don't know what. We never knew what to do with it.

[Ed Larson]

And we don't want to bring it up. We don't freak us out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. Because it doesn't do anything that would serve us.

[Marcus Parks]

Some alien, a chimp, one of us.

[Ed Larson]

Popped out and that's what. That's what it was.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And there's pure humans and not pure humans. And maybe that could also really up socially who's a pure human and who's not a pure human.

[Marcus Parks]

Because they also.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You like. To be honest, I think that the half aliens are the ones that are going to do really well.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You know what I mean?

[Ed Larson]

I think we're otherworldly advice in your DNA, and then you're watching someone that actually came from a chimp.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're like, you look.

[Ed Larson]

You dumb idiot.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah. You're made of star. You're literally made of star stuff. And you're just some guy.

[Ed Larson]

You know, like, just a guy. Well, that hurts. Whatever.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I have. Have thoughts.

[Ed Larson]

But that really is. That would make sense if it was like, oh, there are alien DNA and no one also makes sense on why 23 and me exists. Sure. And all that. Oh, you want to know. You're a quarter finish. Or you want to know, like they got that info and they're like, there's a lot of these alien. Another one.

[Marcus Parks]

I do not want to do 23andMe. I'm just like, scared I'm going to find family members.

[Ed Larson]

And, well, you know that they did. Now 23andMe, one of them's going bankrupt. And it turns out that they're just selling all that information to pharmaceutical companies.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, buddy.

[Ed Larson]

God.

[Marcus Parks]

Jesus.

[Ed Larson]

They're just.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Oh, yeah, we did it. We did it.

[Ed Larson]

There's more. They're like, here you go. Here's all their info. And everyone goes, I just wanted to know if I was full Irish or not.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Literally just see another you walking around working at a Burger King going, like.

[Ed Larson]

He's like, hey, man. Hey, you. I go, do you like Macho Man? He goes, I love Macho Man.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's my saint.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. And I go, oh, no, we do that thing or.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And then you're like, well, see you. Looks like your life sucks. Bye. Bye.

[Ed Larson]

Also, I ordered onion rings. Son of a. Yeah, I ordered onion.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Rings and actually didn't receive them.

[Ed Larson]

The weirder. The weirder thing is, you're right. I don't think people. People could handle weird.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The weird, I think, is way worse than just the. There are aliens out there and they're mean or just they're. Or that there's a bunch of different teams.

[Ed Larson]

But you know what it is? It's almost as. As complicated as is. Like the way you look at. And we've been doing this in the last 20 years through media, like anti hero. Like explaining why the villain is the villain and being like, oh, it's a.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Plot on this anti hero.

[Ed Larson]

But it's like, it's. At first it was interesting because you're like, oh, I understand how the Joker becomes the Joker and he's mentally ill or whatever. But you're like, a lot of the times it's so complicated that you won't know that, of course, that weird information, you would be like, oh, this my brain up. Because I never thought. I just thought they were aliens were here to come take our leader and to take us over.

[Henry Zebrowski]

And they're simple.

[Ed Larson]

That's simple.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That's a system we followed.

[Ed Larson]

Yes. Where you go, ah, colonization. Yeah. They want to take our stuff because that's how we interact.

[Marcus Parks]

Exactly.

[Ed Larson]

They really go, we don't give a about it. You should see the stuff we have.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

They're like, dude, at our house we got way cooler when their version of.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Time has to be ridiculous.

[Ed Larson]

Like, it's seven o', clock, I better eat.

[Katie]

And they go, what the are they doing?

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, exactly.

[Katie]

Why do they have those little circles, you idiots?

[Marcus Parks]

Our time is based off of how we rotate around the sun. They could give a. Yeah, they really is.

[Ed Larson]

They go. I don't know. We come here. We have a son that has like six times your size.

[Marcus Parks]

I got eight sons.

[Ed Larson]

That's why whenever the thing that me up was the Fermi paradox, that there's just like. Oh, there's like all these worlds. Worlds. Like there's just like a ton of work.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So why haven't we seen them? But that's the reason. But that's also.

[Marcus Parks]

We're not strong enough to find them.

[Ed Larson]

Well. And our brain isn't strong enough to handle the weird of it.

[Henry Zebrowski]

But if the. There is one version of the story of like the. Why is the universe not teaming with life?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Right. Like that's one thing. It seems that there is. Seems there's a tough barrier to entry. To gain life on your planet, you have to be a certain distance away from the sun. You have to be.

[Marcus Parks]

It has to be a perfect scenario.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah.

[Ed Larson]

We are chemicals. Slop. We're souffles.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. Take it out of the oven.

[Henry Zebrowski]

So maybe it's a little bit less often than we think it is. We don't know.

[Katie]

Or.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I. I still think that if it's all biological aliens, I think that the answer would be that we are. We're one of the first.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

That we are one of the first consciousness points.

[Ed Larson]

Wasn't that the theory that we're either the first or the last? Who knows? Yeah. And people.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Maybe there's multiple universes and universe is shut down.

[Ed Larson]

Down. The final question I have for you. If there was another world where we were there and there was just like a. You like an Ed Larson or Henry Zabrowski walking around, would you have gay sex with that person if they dropped you off? If they dropped that guy off here?

[Marcus Parks]

I mean. Well, I'm married, but I would.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thank you, Eddie. That's. First of all, he's moral.

[Marcus Parks]

He doesn't want to start.

[Ed Larson]

If you think that marriage gets in the way.

[Marcus Parks]

Baby, it's me.

[Henry Zebrowski]

It's Shark. Come on. This is fine.

[Ed Larson]

Wait.

[Marcus Parks]

Wait till it's your turn.

[Ed Larson]

This guy's way better than this.

[Henry Zebrowski]

All right. Other Eddie men together.

[Ed Larson]

This guy's going to give me lotto numbers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He's from the future.

[Ed Larson]

Just clapping your cheeks. Your wife in.

[Marcus Parks]

Now you start with a hand job.

[Ed Larson]

You know.

[Henry Zebrowski]

See, I would like to hope that.

[Ed Larson]

You work lot with your hands on that planet.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I would hope that. That Henry's gay.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Because that's the only way it's going to work. Because if the. If I met another Henry, we both just score.

[Ed Larson]

Like, it's the hug scene from Step Brothers.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, your penis is super gross, Henry. So is yours.

[Ed Larson]

He goes, oh, well, okay. Look at you. And you go, oh, your left nut hangs way lower than your right one. He goes, yeah, I would like. I go, look, both hold it. Now we're even. Just a. We balance each other's sacks. Light goes out.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Honestly, I think I would probably take him hostage, being like, it's time for you to do some work.

[Ed Larson]

Oh, my God.

[Henry Zebrowski]

You're going to work. I'm going to sit around.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah. I got so much video games to play. And he's like that portal from my world. You guys rule. We go back forever. I miss seeing you guys, but I'm so happy with how much ass you guys are kicking on, you know? Last podcast on the left. Left is the best. It's just the best.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Thank you for having us.

[Marcus Parks]

You too, man. You're crushing it. And it's beautiful to watch.

[Ed Larson]

I just love you guys. And it's. It's awesome. And when Ed was like, yeah, we're gonna be in town, I was like, please come by, dude. Please.

[Marcus Parks]

You're the only one we called.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, I love you guys. Last podcast on the left. Subscribe. It's. It's. It's a podcast. You should just subscribe to Side Stories. All the deep dives. They do the full episodes. Go learn about serial killers. There's so many books I have because of Marvel. Marcus. Oh, yeah, I bought the Below under the.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Do you read Different Stars Below?

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, the Indifferent Stars Below. I. Oh, so many heroines. It's like, you read the. And. But I will buy a book if you guys talk about it because.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Did you buy the. Did you buy the book, the Jonestown Book by Jeff Quinn?

[Ed Larson]

No, I didn't rate.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Can I tell you, all of his books are great.

[Ed Larson]

Can I tell you something that's crazy about when you were doing the Jonestown stuff, which is great, but you also did the People's. What's his name? Jonestown or. No, I'm confused. That. Who. Yeah. Who's.

[Henry Zebrowski]

The People's Temple was Jonestown.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, he started the one that he, you know, he started in the Bay Area, but my grandmother used to live. She passed away, but she lived in Lake county, which was next to Ukiah, which is where he was the first one. That's Ukiah, California, was where they moved him down.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He was a very. Technically. He was a good man when he.

[Marcus Parks]

He started, you talking about Jim Jones.

[Ed Larson]

Jim Jones? Yeah.

[Marcus Parks]

Well, he didn't. I thought he started in Indiana.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He started in Indiana, but then he.

[Ed Larson]

Moved to the Bay Area in San Francisco and Oakland. And then Ukiah, California, was the first place that he actually got it off the ground.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yes, that's when they left. Because then he was running a church in San Francisco, and then he built his first. Oh, his own church outside of it. And that was still when he was working, like, with desegregation and doing all this kind of thing. Like, he was an interesting man. That was very bad.

[Ed Larson]

He huge, huge dick and a terrible lover for what you guys said.

[Henry Zebrowski]

We just would base it.

[Ed Larson]

Yeah, he just was just.

[Henry Zebrowski]

He would do the thing where he just slide it in. Go, mummy.

[Ed Larson]

But I have driven through UKiah over 300 times and never thought about it. And then I was listening and I was like, holy. I paused it and went the room with Katie.

[Henry Zebrowski]

I was like, you, dude, now you go back next time. You could do some Jones tourism.

[Ed Larson]

No, now she's dead, so I don't ever have to go back there.

[Marcus Parks]

Oh, nice. Congratulations.

[Ed Larson]

I only. I only go to San Francisco. That's the north I know. I ain't taking the 101 back up through Santa Rosa.

[Henry Zebrowski]

Yeah, that dude.

[Ed Larson]

I would have to be real bored to go over there. Sa.