64: Glass In Your Hair with Adrienne Iapalucci | Soder Podcast | EP 62

Summary

Soder Podcast Episode 62: “Glass In Your Hair” with Adrienne Iapalucci

Host: Dan Soder
Guest: Adrienne Iapalucci
Date: January 14, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this candid and hilarious episode, Dan Soder welcomes NYC stand-up comic Adrienne Iapalucci for a nostalgic deep-dive into their early days in comedy, wild New York stories, sibling dramas, the evolution of stand-up, and the changes in the industry. They poke fun at old wounds, trade war stories from grimy clubs, and provide unfiltered commentary on the state of comedy today. The episode is packed with laughs, personal confessions, inside-baseball comic lore, and sharp observations about life both on and offstage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

FDNY vs. NYPD Boxing & Masculinity in Uniform (01:51–08:26)

• Bravest Boxing: Dan and Adrienne discuss the annual FDNY vs. NYPD boxing match, a "Battle of the Badges" spectacle with audience split between cop and firefighter fans. Dan explains how Correction Officers (COs) from Rikers and Sing Sing often represent the NYPD and dominate the fights.
  • “They just beat the shit out of these... firefighters that are, like, just to sell tickets.” — Dan (02:27)
• Fireman/Cop Stereotypes: Adrienne draws a contrast between the public’s antagonism towards cops ("People are mad at cops all the time") and universal affection for firefighters, even in failure (06:16).

Notable Moment

• “You think firefighters are closeted pyromaniacs?” — Dan jokes (05:03)
• Adrienne theorizes: “I think they’re just guys that wanted a good pension… The schedule is pretty sweet to cheat on your wife.” (05:09–05:14)

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Schoolyard Antics & Sibling Warfare (12:01–15:40)

• Glue-Eating & Catholic School: Adrienne and Dan reminisce about school memories like peeling dried glue and getting "pink slips" in Catholic school for misbehavior (“pass it on”).
  • “I got a pink slip for Pass it On. And then…my sister just got a beaten from me.” — Adrienne (13:20)
• Siblings & Toughness: Adrienne describes her sister’s tendency to "rat" so they’d hang out together, and shares how her father would only punish whoever made noise during fights.
  • “I would just be quiet… Eddie would say, ‘I’m only hitting you because I hear you.’” — Adrienne (15:03)

Notable Quote

• “Did it make you two tough?” — Dan (15:45)
• Adrienne: “We didn’t really get into a lot of fights at school… for the most part, me and my sister fought the most.” (15:57)

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Street Fights, SATs, and Betrayal (16:22–21:32)

• Glass in Hair & Nails as Street Fight Prep: Adrienne recalls prepping for schoolyard fights by putting nails (and "maybe glass") in her hair—a defensive booby trap for grabby opponents.
  • “You put nails in your hair and then you go… booby trapped your own hair.” — Dan & Adrienne (16:28–16:37)
• The Worst Day/Weekend: Adrienne shares a disastrous SAT-adjacent story: she tells a friend about a boyfriend's cheating right before the test, leading to a bad score, heartbreak, and a losing fight.
  • “She got cheated on, she got beat up, and she did poorly on the SATs. It was not a good weekend for her.” — Dan (20:32)

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Teenage Romance & Comedy Roots (21:14–25:44)

• Early Cheating Trauma: Dan confides about getting cheated on in 8th grade—twice—by tough classmates: “Both the guys would have kicked the shit out of me.”
• High School Drug Experiences: Dan discusses shoulder injury, Percocet prescription, and brief struggle with pills. “I was too young to do the thing where you go into crime to get the pills.”
• Adrienne & Dan’s Comedy Beginnings: Recalling early days at Stand Up NY, hanging at bars, doing “check spots,” and navigating the open mics scene. Adrienne notes Dan’s “grungy/metal” era and friendship with Joe Alexander.

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New York Comedy Club Nostalgia (29:10–34:47)

• Formative Scenes & Comics: Fond memories of Stand Up NY—Big Jay Oakerson, Patrice O’Neal, Dave Attell—headlining packed rooms (29:16). Adrienne recalls Big Jay’s famous joke (“fat girl with small tits… it’s like looking into a mirror”) (29:23).
• The Crew and After-Hours Antics: Stories about slow clapping for men leaving the upstairs rub-n-tug, and Lorenzo the pizzeria owner brawling with disruptive clientele.
  • “Big Jay, Louis and Dave, the Skanks, pointed me out to the fact that there was the rub-n-tug…” — Dan (31:25)

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Comic Hustle & Industry Games (34:55–36:58)

• Adrienne’s “NYC Mean” Vibe: Dan discusses the difference between New York hardness and Midwestern sweetness—Adrienne: “I’m just kind of like an introvert a bit.”
• Wild Open Mics: They joke about open mic host Daniella dissuading joke-writing and waxing onstage about periods and heat pads.

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Carny Club Owners & Road Work (40:23–43:12)

• Remembering comedy club “carnies” who ran rooms with sketchy business practices, especially in the pre-corporate era. Side Splitters, Tampa’s Bobby Jewell (bad wig, shifty club owner) and American Comedy Club’s notorious management quirks.
• Industry Tilt: Adrienne: “The industry just really never cares.” (43:20)
• Soder on Stand-Up Survival: “I’ve watched you be this, like, hilarious joke writer...C omics love you. And it's been fun watching the right comics love you.” (42:57–43:12)

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Changing Industry, Social Media & DIY Success (43:24–48:09)

• The Old Days: They reflect on how Comedy Central, HBO, and “the machine” used to launch comics’ careers with late-night spots, development deals, and industry showcases (44:01–44:09).
• Rise of Social Media: The importance now of YouTube, social platforms, and podcasts. “You really have to push it yourself…all the podcasts myself.” — Adrienne (46:39–46:41)
• Montreal ‘Unrepped’ War Stories: Soder and Adrienne recount bleak Montreal “New Faces: Unrepped” days, comic solidarity (Ari Shaffir buying dinner for “the Unrepped”).

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Cancellations, Creative Freedom & Cultural Shifts (49:01–52:19)

• On “Cancel Culture” Myths: “There's no machine to get fired from…It's all your Patreon and your YouTube following…” — Dan (50:08–50:16)
• Encounter with Outrage: Adrienne discusses (with bemusement) hearing "you're gonna get canceled" threats after her Netflix special.
  • Quote: “From what? Netflix put it out.” — Adrienne (50:28)
• Creative Pandering & Culture Wars: Dan observes the shift from liberal to conservative “pandering” (“Now everyone panders to conservatives to get… the most popular”).

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Gender, Croptops, and LGBTQ Observations (54:27–56:25)

• On Men’s Crop Tops and Gender Fluidity: Adrienne and Dan kid about the “rise” in men, especially young or gay men, wearing crop tops, and theorize about the performance of sexuality for attention or access.
• Trans Friends, Shame, and Surprises: Adrienne describes not realizing a friend was trans, then recognizing the absence of “girl shame” about showing her belly.

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Audience, Class, and Fans (58:46–62:10)

• Adrienne’s Audience: Finding out homeless people in Toronto listen to her stand-up on a Bluetooth is a proud, amusing badge—“I’ve reached my audience.” (58:58)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On firemen’s allure:
  "Women love firefighters. The firefighter fetish. Do you think cops resent that?" — Dan (05:20)
• On comic resilience:
  "You can do something and just keep doing it—even if it's not good." — Adrienne (26:47)
• Reflecting on career progress:
  "There's no more Comedy Central. There's no more industry. There's no more late night." — Dan (43:49)
• On being “canceled”:
  “You’re gonna get canceled. I’m like, from what? Netflix put it out.” — Adrienne (50:28)
• On manipulating the algorithm:
  “If you know how to manipulate the algorithm, let me know…I got like 13 views on something. I’m like, what am I doing?” — Adrienne (62:47)

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Concluding Reflections

• Comics Supporting Comics: Soder highlights Adrienne’s respect among peers and celebrates the success of her Netflix special (“The Dark Queen”), produced by Louis Katz and Ari Shaffir. The behind-the-scenes loyalty and cracks about algorithms tie together old-school grit and new-school hustle.

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Key Timestamps

• 01:51–08:26 – FDNY vs. NYPD, masculinity in public service, firefighter/cop jokes
• 12:01–15:40 – Sibling fights, Catholic school, childhood lessons
• 16:22–21:32 – Fighting prep, SAT heartbreak, brutal teenage weekends
• 29:10–34:47 – Early NY comedy clubs, pizzeria brawls, stand-up legends
• 40:23–43:12 – Club carnies, industry changes, comics supporting comics
• 43:24–48:09 – Comedy's changing landscape, Montreal tales, DIY ethos
• 49:01–52:19 – Cancel culture, creative freedom, culture wars
• 54:27–56:25 – Croptops, gender observations, trans friend reveals
• 58:46–62:10 – The breadth and depth of Adrienne’s audience (homeless fans)
• 62:47–end – Algorithm struggles, podcast wrap-up, and camaraderie

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a raw, affectionate, and uproarious look at the world of stand-up comedy—its battles, bonds, and absurdities—through the eyes of two industry veterans. With a blend of inside jokes, real talk, and biting wit, Soder and Iapalucci capture the weirdness and warmth that keeps comics coming back for more. Whether you’re nostalgic for NY club life or curious about carving out a comedy career in a fractured industry, this conversation is as insightful as it is laugh-out-loud funny.

Transcript

[A]

Baby, I'm back on the road. 2025, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. I will be at Rumors Comedy Club at the end of January, the last weekend of January. You want the dates? Fine. I'll go on my phone and fucking look at them for you. January 31st. I will be there January 30th, January 31st, and February 1st at rumors in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Then Huntsville, Alabama, at the Improv. That's going to be February 20th through the 22nd. And then California. I know LA, you're going through a lot of right now. We're going to try to find a way to make this show be helpful for people in the area. But February 28, I will be at the Balboa Theater in San Diego, California. Those tickets on sale, go get them right now. And then I will be at the United Theater on March 1st in Los Angeles. Tickets available for that. And then palace of the Performing arts, San Francisco, California. February or March 2nd. Almost said February. What an idiot. But I will be San Diego, la, and San Francisco at the end of February. Hopefully things will be much better by then in Southern California. But we. We're thinking about you and we love you and we Hope you're okay. Dancehoter.com for tickets. We'll see you soon. How natural is that read? That was a pretty fucking natural read. And I know my mom's watching this and she's like, your reads aren't natural. That's. That's real as fuck, Trish. You got to admit that. How natural is that? Oh, I can't even smell. What, am I acting? Have you ever gone to FDNY versus nypd? And I was like, no, I didn't even know.

[B]

That's the thing regular people could go to.

[A]

You could buy tickets for it. It's once a year. This was. I got to look it up to see if they still do it. But it was yearly at the theater at msg. And then what you have is half the audience are cop fans and half the audience are fdny. So they're like, firefighters versus cops. The cops do something, and this is the brilliant strategy. They get the COs from Rikers.

[B]

Corrections officers.

[A]

Yeah, from Rikers and Sing Sing. And those guys fight for the fdn. But they're, like, awesome at fighting.

[B]

Yeah, those guys would definitely be awesome at fighting.

[A]

So they just beat the shit out of these, like, small. These, like, firefighters that are, like, just to sell tickets.

[B]

They should let you look up the cop that gave you a speeding ticket and watch him get just demolished.

[A]

I mean, you Would show up with a sign. Oh, my God.

[B]

Petra silly's.

[A]

Badge number 6035. Take them down. But it's fun. We'll go. Let's go.

[B]

I would go.

[A]

I'm gonna look that.

[B]

Let's look it up right now.

[A]

Dude, let's. I would buy us tickets.

[B]

I'll go to a boxing match.

[A]

How fun would that be?

[B]

I watched the Tyson fight and that was so bad.

[A]

That sucked. Yeah, it's up. But that. We knew it was gonna suck. They're selling us.

[B]

I know, but like, you, you know, he was just really going light on him.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

No, he was.

[A]

He.

[B]

He punched him. And then at one point, he pulled back where he could have just kept slamming his fist into his head.

[A]

But his knee, his legs were all up. I think he was like, the best he was gonna do is that first round. And then I think he.

[B]

Oh, I'm saying Tyson was terrible.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I'm saying the other guy.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

He was holding back.

[A]

That was.

[B]

Tyson was not holding back. He could barely stand up.

[A]

That was my biggest problem with the match was like, if you're gonna say all this, that you're gonna fight, I don't. Then fight.

[B]

I think he was scared to really, like, hurt him.

[A]

FDNY versus NYPD 2024. It's March. So it's in March.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So next March, 2025, look up that.

[B]

Copy called speeding ticket.

[A]

It's called the Bravest Boxing.

[B]

Bravest Boxing.

[A]

But here's some. It's 2024. FDNY versus NYPD. Battle of the badges. Oh, that's the baseball game. So there they got to go watch the box.

[B]

Boxing or even hockey. Something where they could be real aggressive.

[A]

Yeah, it's called Bravest boxing. That's what we got to look it up for a good cause.

[B]

There's any, like, firemen that just, like, don't go into a fire. They just like, kind of wait.

[A]

They go like. You go.

[B]

They're just like.

[A]

Or they go like, I got to tie my shoe. That would be me.

[B]

I have asthma.

[A]

I'd be. Guys, sorry, my breath is weird. You go in.

[B]

If you need me, just yell. Just yell for me.

[A]

If they had like, that's why they're so brave. Because if they had, like, the same tendencies as, like, Hollywood, they'd go like, I need a me day today. And they go, we have a four alarm press. We have a four alarm fire up in the Bronx today. And they go, I just. I'm not feeling it.

[B]

Today, I think firemen love, like, they talk about fire fires, like, they love it.

[A]

Do you think firefighters are closeted pyromaniacs?

[B]

I don't know. I think they're just guys that wanted a good pension.

[A]

Shout out. I understand that. Who doesn't?

[B]

Sure. And also, the schedule is pretty sweet to cheat on your wife.

[A]

You think that's part of it?

[B]

I don't think that dissuades them. I think when someone's like, hey, what are the reasons to be a fireman?

[A]

They go, side puss. And they go, I'm listening. Women love firefighters. The firefighter fetish. Do you think cops resent that? Do you think cops resent how many women want to fdny or like, firefighters?

[B]

I think that, like, the stigma against cops, like, killing people, and obviously not all of them. I think that's tough.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whereas no one hates firemen. Even if you let someone's house burn, no one hates firemen.

[A]

No one gets mad.

[B]

No one's mad. No one's like, hey, you let my granddaughter die.

[A]

Yeah, she got charred.

[B]

Because you're lazy.

[A]

You suck. Yeah. They never do that.

[B]

They never do that.

[A]

Thank you for trying.

[B]

That was a good approach.

[A]

It almost worked.

[B]

You waited to go from a helicopter down.

[A]

You dumped a big bucket of water on it, and I appreciate that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Unfortunately, my daughter is now she's deceased. She's deceased. Yeah. You're right. No one gets mad.

[B]

No one's ever mad at firemen. But people are mad at cops all the time.

[A]

Time that if I were a cop, that would make me hate firefighters.

[B]

That would. That's what I would think of in the boxing ring.

[A]

Yeah. You'd be like, I. I ran into an active shooter, and they called me a murderer.

[B]

You let that. They call me. I'm a racist.

[A]

Well, dude, the CEOs are, like. When literally they got in the ring, I started laughing because one of the guys was giant and jacked, and they were, like, from Rikers island, co Dante Jones.

[B]

Dante sounds hot.

[A]

And he was just, like, big black dude. And then it was like, a little pug of a firefighter, little Italian guy named, like, Anthony Gilleppo.

[B]

When he, like, came out, and he.

[A]

Was just like, boom, boom. He just walked him down. It was.

[B]

Wait, who won?

[A]

Nypd.

[B]

Like, yeah, Dante must have.

[A]

I think it was, like, seven fights.

[B]

That seems unfair of a fight. They have to fight the actual cops.

[A]

That's what I said.

[B]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[A]

When I found out that there were wires.

[B]

Fdny not hiring, like, MMA fighters.

[A]

Years or fdn. You got to find like paramedics that like, what's your side? Like the cops are going to CEOs. So what do FDNY go to to be like.

[B]

I guess paramedics.

[A]

You go like paramedic. Go get a guy that trains like Brazilian jiu jitsu or kickboxing and paramedics. But it also. That should bring the whole community together. Watching FDNY fight nypd.

[B]

But it doesn't.

[A]

No, it's only their families. So you just see like these women that barely see their husbands being like.

[B]

Fucking kill em and all their girlfriends.

[A]

Yeah, there's four.

[B]

All these random women at this boxing.

[A]

You're like, there is a lot of puss at the SFTNY fighting.

[B]

Why is she cheering for my husband?

[A]

Why do you care so much?

[B]

Why are you crying that he lost her about Bobby?

[A]

Yeah, that is true. She goes, why are you so mad that Anthony lost? And she's like sitting there like his face is so beat up.

[B]

Don't do it. You're gonna smile. Rude. Your face.

[A]

That's something that was making me laugh. That always makes me laugh about boxing matches in general are number one, the ring girls who just have to sit there with the most psychotic smile on their face.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Even though.

[B]

And they're just dressed like they look.

[A]

Like so hot, but they're just like oiled up tits. And there's just like a guy who's just like can't see out of his like bleeding. Well, that's always. That's the point that makes me laugh is their wives always dress up in like ball gowns and.

[B]

Oh, and they're watching the fight.

[A]

Yeah. And then they like see their husband after and they're like lace gloves and they're like, good job, iguardo. He's like, I fight for my I.

[B]

For my wife, I pay for my country.

[A]

He's just like bleeding out of his eye and she's like, we're gonna send money back. This is a $17,000 dress.

[B]

So how much money do you get to like lose in a box? How much money did Tyson get?

[A]

20 million.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

He got 20 million and Jake Paul got 40 million.

[B]

Yeah. Even if you get the kicked out of you for 20 million, I would fight him.

[A]

Yeah. It was six.

[B]

Pull down immediately.

[A]

Two minutes, eight. Two eight. Two minute rounds.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

16 minutes, 16 minutes for $20 million. And he wasn't going to knock him out. That was.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, he was not. But also, just think of all the pigeons. He can save Guy could have a.

[A]

Whole tree of pigeons in his backyard.

[B]

I bet he does. He loves pigeons.

[A]

Also, if you're Mike Tyson's, like, financial advisor, how mad you have to be where you go, all right, Mike, after taxes, we're going to clear about $11 million on this. And he's like, pigeons. And they go, can I have you put it in an IRA?

[B]

Pigeons.

[A]

Pigeons. Pigeons,. Growing up in New York, Mike Tyson was like a superhero. Here.

[B]

He was. But then he was also a rapist for a while. Yeah, I think I was in the rapist era.

[A]

You were in the rapist era.

[B]

I don't know if I was in him being a superweight. I just remember him as being the rapist. I don't know if there was another. I mean, I think if I was younger, maybe. And then he was also a bite. Didn't he bite.

[A]

Bite ears?

[B]

Yeah, that was another.

[A]

The rape was first and then the bite ear. But Patrice had my favorite joke about Mike Tyson's rape case, where he's like. Then you find out it's because he ate her pussy. And he's like, how do you rape eat pussy? He's like, shut up, bitch. Shut up, bitch. It's on his Comedy Central presents.

[B]

That's really funny.

[A]

Yeah, it's like one of my favorite old Patrice. But it's. Yeah, he has. He's had so many lives.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's what I hate now about these. Like, about the YouTube Instagram generation. You see people that are like, 19 years old being like, mike Tyson's the goat. And you're like, you have no. 0 idea.

[B]

Why is he the goat? Because he fought that guy.

[A]

Just because they, like, people hear that and like, they. They see older people go like, he.

[B]

Was a great fighter.

[A]

Was unbelievable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I remember him losing to Buster Douglas. I was like, seven years old. It was like crazy. I remember it being like. I was also at my dad's girlfriend's.

[B]

House, so I remember watching the fight.

[A]

Oh, yeah, dude. Alcoholics loved Mike Tyson. No, there. It was like a shitty apartment in Denver. My dad was, like, still in Denver. And I remember being like, I had diarrhea. I had really painful diarrhea.

[B]

From the fight?

[A]

No, just. Oh, just being a seven year old eating stuff. And my dad had to, like, come and tell me what was happening. He's like, mike Tyson's losing.

[B]

And I was like, were you just in the bathroom?

[A]

I was just. And then I came in and I watched the end of it, and I was, like, genuinely sad. It was. It was a horrible day.

[B]

Sounds like a really bad day is right.

[A]

It was.

[B]

You started out with diarrhea, and then you went to Mike Tyson losing, having.

[A]

Diarrhea as an away game, like, not at home. Oh, sucks.

[B]

That is terrible.

[A]

You know when you're little and you're like, you don't know what's going on? You're like, why won't this stop?

[B]

What were you eating?

[A]

I don't remember. I just remember.

[B]

I feel like as a kid, you'd eat crayons.

[A]

Me, I was a glue kid. For a little.

[B]

I was gonna say glue also.

[A]

I would try glue. Here's the thing. I would eat stuff to make people laugh.

[B]

I get that. Do you remember the glue on the stick?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just putting it all over your hands in school and keep taking it off and seeing if you could get off in one piece.

[A]

Yes. Elmer's glue drying on your palm of your hand.

[B]

Why did we all do that?

[A]

Because it was so fun. Because you know what it was, is you were actually watching science.

[B]

You watch it, felt it, like, tighten up. Yeah, the tighten up part was pretty. That was the. That was you. What you waited for.

[A]

But then you remember the kid in school that thought you were weird for doing it?

[B]

We were all really doing it.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Damn. New York public schools were wild.

[B]

I didn't go to public school. I went to Catholic school.

[A]

You did. Whole time.

[B]

The entire time.

[A]

What's your religious life? I mean, are you completely out now? Because I feel like I was never in you. So even going. You were like this.

[B]

It was so boring. I think if you want kids to get into church, you have to make it more fun. It was so boring. I got in trouble for playing pass it on in church.

[A]

What was pass it like?

[B]

If I went like that to your knee, then you do it to the next person, and then they. You do it somebody else. You know, you just. You're bored in school and, like, we would have to read and on Sunday at my ass. So I got, like, a pink slip and my sister, like, ratted on me.

[A]

For playing Pass it on in church.

[B]

I got a pink slip for Pass it On. And then I got. My sister told them I got this pink slip.

[A]

So it was a pink slip. Kind of like, you're in trouble. It was like a yellow card.

[B]

You were like, it was a pink slip. It was a slip that was pink. It was like, your kid is bad for doing Pass it on.

[A]

And did you have to get it signed by your parents?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, I remember.

[B]

I was out and my parents came to Pick me up because I got this pink slip and my sister just got a beaten from me.

[A]

Younger or older sister?

[B]

Younger.

[A]

Younger sister. Rat.

[B]

My sister is such a rat.

[A]

She ratted on you immediately?

[B]

She rat. She would do anything she could to get me in trouble, so I'd stay home with her and then she somehow.

[A]

Why? Because she wanted to hang out?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So she loved you so much she wanted you in trouble?

[B]

Yes. So I would hang out with her.

[A]

This is almost. That's like a. Like a up kidnapping where she's like, I'm gonna.

[B]

I mean, we already slept in the same bedroom, so I don't know why she needed me there more. I think she just didn't really have a social life.

[A]

And she just liked you.

[B]

I think I was the person that lived there. I think whoever it was, she would have ratted on.

[A]

Really?

[B]

It wasn't me specific. It was just whoever was her sibling. I think she would have ratted on.

[A]

Did your parents ever get mad at her for ratting?

[B]

When we were kids, my dad, if my dad was like, you know, a fat guy. So if he ever got up. You're getting beat?

[A]

No.

[B]

And we lived in a small two bedroom apartment. It's not like he had to come up the stairs to beat us. It was.

[A]

You had to get up.

[B]

He just had to get up.

[A]

Did you. How long. What was the plan if he got up? Were you like, do I run?

[B]

So my. No, you just had to get beat. So my father would get up and he would only hit my sister because she would scream when we had a fight. Like if we were fist fighting, she would scream. I would say nothing. She would get beat.

[A]

You just be quietly breathing.

[B]

I would just be quiet. She would be. She would. Eddie would say, I'm only hitting you because I hear you. And you would think she would just stop screaming.

[A]

There's the answer.

[B]

No, she kept screaming.

[A]

And then he'd be like, I gotta. I gotta keep my word. I told you why I do it. Yeah. I told you the secret sauce.

[B]

Just stop screaming. She would scream. She would keep screaming.

[A]

Did you. Were you and your mom ever, like, stop screaming?

[B]

No, because I'm like, she's gotta learn eventually, I guess. But she just kept getting. She looked like Mike Tyson. Just.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Black guy going school.

[A]

Stop. She's like, I ain't done yet. I still feel I got a couple screams in me.

[B]

She's so. Every fight she would scream. Did and sure screams annoying.

[A]

Listen, we can all agree child abuse is bad. Great. Now that we've Moved past that, sure. Did it make you two tough? As for school, we didn't really get.

[B]

Into a lot of fights at school.

[A]

Because when you did, would you win them?

[B]

I really only got into a fight, like a couple of times, really. But for the most part, me and my sister fought the most.

[A]

So you. Because I remember if, like, if you knew siblings that fought most of the time, that meant they would fuck your shit up if you tried to.

[B]

Sure. So this is the thing. There was a couple of times in my childhood where my friends were going to fight somebody.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

We would put, like Vaseline on our faces and glass in our hair and nails.

[A]

You would put glass in your hair?

[B]

Maybe not glass, but nails. You put nails in your hair and then you go.

[A]

So if they grabbed it. Yeah, just booby trapped your own hair.

[B]

Okay. So thinking back, this was up. We were going to take the SATs. My friend told me that someone had cheated on my friend's boy. Like, he cheated on my friend, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the morning of the SATs, I told her immediately, she got the worst.

[A]

SAT scores before the SATs.

[B]

Yeah. But I couldn't have that to myself. I was like, you gotta know this. And then she got the worst scores. So then I'm like, getting to college.

[A]

Because the guy wanted.

[B]

And then I was like, you gotta fight this chick.

[A]

Yeah. Because now you know what. You know what you did. Not only is she heartbroken about the sat.

[B]

Well, she didn't know she was right, but she knew she wasn't gonna do well.

[A]

Yeah, but I mean, like, she's heartbroken about the break, about her getting cheated on. So she can't. That's all she's thinking about during the SATs. And then also the anxiety of I gotta fight someone.

[B]

The night before, the sats were crazy. So I was talking to this one guy, Joe, or Joey. He drops me off and I was still, like, into my ex boyfriend. So my ex boyfriend's by my house. Now this guy Joey comes back around the block and sees me with him and he's dropping me off to take the sats, right?

[A]

So he's.

[B]

So Joey's supposed to pick me up to take me to my SATs, but now he's seen me with my ex boyfriend Vinnie at the time.

[A]

God damn, you really have some New York names, right?

[B]

Vinnie and Joey and Vinnie and Joey and Bobby.

[A]

What are you, a shark or a jet?

[B]

So Vinnie that night tells me that Jay cheated on Melissa.

[A]

And Melissa's. Your good friend.

[B]

Is my best friend.

[A]

So that's immediately so the first thing.

[B]

In the morning, I can't wait to ruin her life. I guess I didn't even realize I was gonna her for that. I'm like, hey, Jay cheated on you?

[A]

Is that. Was that the first words out of your mouth?

[B]

Probably. Hey. Hey, J.

[A]

Morning, Jeff.

[B]

Your boyfriend cheated on you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Good luck on the SAT.

[A]

And you guys are teenagers, so it's serious.

[B]

16 or 17.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay, Joe. Now I go, I don't know if this guy's gonna pick me up. He just saw me, my ex boyfriend. So he picks me up and he's just wrecked. And he's mad at me, but he picks me up and keeps his word and drops me off at the SATs.

[A]

He's a good guy.

[B]

He's a pretty good guy.

[A]

Yeah. And then before. So you tell her, hey, Jay cheated on you, Right? When do you get to the point where you go, let me get some nails from my dad's work box?

[B]

I don't remember when that happened. It might have been that weekend or something. And now. I shouldn't have gotten her to fight. She was very small.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She didn't do well in the fight.

[A]

No way. No way.

[B]

She got her hair pulled right away, and it was not good. It was a mess. Oh, and then you're like, oh.

[A]

Because here's the thing. Getting cheated on hurts.

[B]

It's pretty bad.

[A]

I got cheated on in eighth grade by two guys that I know. The guy that my girlfriend.

[B]

Your ex girlfriend. Double team somebody in eighth grade.

[A]

That would have been easier. It was two separate.

[B]

Two separate.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

Chichi on you in eighth grade with.

[A]

Yeah, like, different occasions. Got fingered. Which is eighth grade.

[B]

That is. That's pretty early for fingering, isn't it?

[A]

Yeah. You know, God bless her. I hope she's all right now. But that was. No but. But it was two different guys, both of whom. It was two different occasions.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Both the guys would have kicked the out of me. One ended up being a legitimate American war hero. Like a fighter pilot. He would have kicked the out of me. I would just.

[B]

In eighth grade, he had fighter pilot vibes. He had that, like, showed up with his dragon.

[A]

He, like. He was like, cool.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then the other kid was a giant, giant fat kid that was good at football. So it was like.

[B]

Like when you're the person that, like, cheats on somebody, they should not. They should let you beat them up. Like, if you think in your girlfriend, he should let you beat him up.

[A]

Yeah, but I wasn't even. Because. Because of your. What? You're saying about your friend. I got it. I was like, I'm not getting cheated on and getting my kicked because I wasn't good.

[B]

She got cheated on, she got beat up and she did poorly on the sets. It was not a good weekend for her.

[A]

What a trifecta. She really ran a fucking tough race. Getting the scores back.

[B]

Triathlon of failure.

[A]

Well, I drowned in the swimming part and then I pulled my hammy in the running and then I crashed my bike.

[B]

Yeah, she did not. It was not good.

[A]

Daddy. Is it tough? But also I think it's like if you were tough, you wouldn't have gotten cheated on.

[B]

I don't know if that's necessarily true.

[A]

Because I think, well, that's how I feel. I feel like if I would have been like good at fighting, those guys would have gone, oh, she's dating Dan. I don't want to get beat up.

[B]

Maybe, maybe that's true.

[A]

But I think they were like, he's the class clown.

[B]

Were you also fingering her?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, that's it. She's like, I just want a finger so bad.

[A]

I was trying, I tried.

[B]

And she. Oh, yes, because you were weak.

[A]

I know I was weak.

[B]

She couldn't fight those guys off.

[A]

Especially the big fat one.

[B]

The big fat one, yeah.

[A]

And then he won a. Later in life. He won a. A million dollars in a scratch off lottery and then blew it.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

That made me happy.

[B]

What do you blow it on?

[A]

Dumb.

[B]

Probably like airplanes.

[A]

It was fat ass. Probably had a bunch of snacks and.

[B]

Different dips and just video games.

[A]

I think he bought like a car and a house and then didn't realize that the taxes on those are crazy.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

And then he just was zero.

[B]

He's just thinking about, he's like, yeah, but I still got Dan's girl.

[A]

He goes, you know what, though? 97. 97 was a good year. I didn't get the dude. I. That was like the worst year of my life. Like, that happened. And then my dad got sick and died all within like six months.

[B]

Jesus. That's not good.

[A]

I mean, drugs, baby.

[B]

That's how your dad died. Drugs.

[A]

Oh, no, My dad died because of drinking, but that's how I got into drugs.

[B]

That was your own trifecta.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cheated on. Your dad died and then drugs.

[A]

And there was. I got cheated on. Broke my shoulder playing football. Dad died.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then it was. I got. I had a prescription of Percocet.

[B]

Oh, you were one of those kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How long were you did that girl Come back.

[A]

No. Yeah, yeah. Freshman year. She tried, but then I was like, nah, I'm cool.

[B]

You've had too many fingers in you.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, you're like a baseball. You're like a bowling ball. Too many.

[B]

Too many fingers are in you.

[A]

Yeah. I'm sorry. I gotta spray you with that shit. They put on the shoes in bowling alley.

[B]

Spread your legs. Let me spray it.

[A]

But I almost. There was a moment where I was like, back into it. And then I was like, what am.

[B]

I doing with that girl?

[A]

Yeah. And then I took two more Percocet and I was like, I'm. I'm over this, lady. You got nothing on Big Pharma. But yeah, it was. That was.

[B]

How long were you addicted to Perks?

[A]

It didn't last that long because I ran out of the prescription and I didn't get heroin. I didn't have like. I was too young to do the thing where you go into crime to get the pills. So I was. I mean, there was a couple tough weeks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because what. I was supposed to take him. And then my shoulder started healing and I hit him and I did two more refills and didn't tell. I told my mom I was still having shoulder pain, but I was just squirreling them away.

[B]

Right. Were you saving them for a big party?

[A]

Yeah, no big party. That Tuesday afternoon I go to Ryan Huffman's house and fucking did you share? I would give him one and I would take two because I like them. I like them a lot. Then I'd smoke a cigarette. Oh, smoking Camel Lights when I was like 14, 15, taking perks.

[B]

Man, you were sound pretty cool, actually.

[A]

Well, I got cheated on. That was. That was my.

[B]

That was eighth grade, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Freshman year you're back in.

[A]

Nah, man. The freshman year I was a mess.

[B]

When is the drug. When do you start getting hooked on drugs?

[A]

Yeah, it was freshman year. And then like sophomore year, I. I was like. I was like in your group of, you know, your group of friends, there was tears. Like, the. The top three tiers would get the opposite sex and then the fourth and fifth tier would get like the scraps.

[B]

I was like, fifth tier, you're getting the scraps.

[A]

Yeah, I was the big headed funny kid. So I would get like, you're tall. I was like, but I wasn't in high school. I was like, big head, gangly.

[B]

I do remember when we. You first started doing stand up.

[A]

We've known each other the entire time I've lived.

[B]

Yeah, I was at stand up New York. And you were going on a date with somebody and you were like kind of in a grunge era.

[A]

Oh, I had long hair.

[B]

I don't know if you had long hair. But you were all in black. You were like, kind of into like goth a bit. No, I was more like heavy metal, maybe.

[A]

Yeah. I was wearing like a lot of Metallica shirts and like.

[B]

That sounds about right.

[A]

Yeah. And I had long hair. That was when I was like, still waiting tables, but drinking very heavily.

[B]

Yes. And you were friends with that guy Joe. Yeah, the comic who was really funny. But he started doing stand up.

[A]

That's my. That's my boy still.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I just talked to him.

[B]

Diabetes or something.

[A]

Yeah, he did. And he went to the hospital for diabetes.

[B]

And they fixed it?

[A]

Well, no, because he wasn't treating it right. Shout out Joe.

[B]

I remember Joe.

[A]

Joe Alexander. He was very, very funny. He was very, very. He.

[B]

What did he do instead?

[A]

He's a dad now. He's got a job. He's like. He's like a full adult. He's a regular guy, but we talk all the. He's funny as shit still.

[B]

He's very funny. I remember him.

[A]

He called me on the. We talked on the phone on Saturday about like. We still keep in touch. He's the fucking man.

[B]

Do you think he's jealous that, like, he didn't keep doing comedy? He probably would have made it.

[A]

Yeah, no, he. He was already making it when he stopped.

[B]

So why did he stop?

[A]

Barry Katz was like, trying to manage him when we were all doing those Monday night shows. Those Daniella shows.

[B]

God, yeah.

[A]

And then he was like. He got instant attention. He was super funny.

[B]

So why did he stop, though?

[A]

I just think he was like, those are. That's always the case. It's always the funniest guys.

[B]

That's very funny. That just stops.

[A]

It's like John McKeever. Like, McKeever's stand up is brilliant.

[B]

Does he not do stand up anymore?

[A]

Sometimes she just doesn't have that thing that we have.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where you're like, I need it. I need to do it again.

[B]

I don't even know if that's what. What I had. I think I just. Like I was saying this to somebody else. Like, I can just keep doing something for a long time, even if it's not good.

[A]

But you were always good. You always had good jokes, kind of. I mean, you always had.

[B]

My stage presence is always a little weird.

[A]

Yeah, you have DMV energy.

[B]

Yeah, I could see that.

[A]

Yeah. You have like, what what number do you have? And the audience is like, 16. And you're like, well, it's 15. Go sit down. You have. Go sit down. At the.

[B]

Everyone at the dmv, it's always like a black lady. It seems like it's like a black lady that got. Just got cheated on her boyfriend. Yeah, that's what it is. Everyone there is mad.

[A]

It's your friend. It's your friend that got told she was cheating and she has to go to work and give people licenses.

[B]

No, that girl just cried. These women are mad. Everyone at the DMV is mad.

[A]

They want to get you back with bureaucracy. And I get it.

[B]

You don't have the right form filled out. They love their power.

[A]

They're like, oh, that's their kink, is they're like, oh, read the instructions. And you're like, are you fingering yourself?

[B]

You signed on the wrong line. Go fill that back out.

[A]

Six more pages. You gotta feel the out.

[B]

The DMV is the worst.

[A]

It's. It's. It's almost impressive to go to the DMV in New York.

[B]

I'm always surprised that the DMV doesn't get shot up.

[A]

Yeah. Post office, never the dmv.

[B]

DMV seems like the place where they could really deserve it.

[A]

I feel like they all have sidearms and we don't see it.

[B]

They might.

[A]

So they're just like. They're all like.

[B]

That's why they're so slow. They're only working with one arm.

[A]

Yeah. They go, okay. And they're like, okay. So you still live with that address? You don't make that move. But, yeah, I remember, like, I met you right when I moved here probably. Yeah.

[B]

I told you not to sign with Wayne. Remember I went to Montreal with him and I was like, don't go with him.

[A]

And I didn't.

[B]

He's so bad.

[A]

I remember that he yelled at the lady. The guy that booked Chelsea lately, he.

[B]

Fucked a dude on my couch when I'm here. First of all, I let him stay with me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He stayed in my hotel with me and my boyfriend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Luckily, there was, like, a one bedroom. Otherwise he was just gonna stay in the bed near me.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's wild.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

That is wild. But I. Yeah, we've always, like, known.

[B]

Each other for a long time, and I was like, don't go with him.

[A]

Yeah. And I remember being. I mean, I remember even before that being at Stand Up New York and just like, drinking in the corner of the Bar because Rick would give me free booze, and then I would just, like, hang out and do check spots, and we do, like, the mics together and stuff.

[B]

When I started out in New York City, Stand Up New York was, like, one of the best clubs.

[A]

It was.

[B]

It was packed.

[A]

It was the second best club.

[B]

I remember Big J going on stage and doing a joke, I guess, about fucking a girl that he said had the same body as him.

[A]

Yeah, I remember that. He goes, fat girl with small tits. He goes. It's like looking into a mirror. And he did like that.

[B]

He did that joke at Santa. Because I remember just watching him.

[A]

Yeah, I would watch. Me and you. I think 2007 is when you started, right? And that's when I started 2004. Okay, me too. But I moved here in 07, and we were kind of about the same, like.

[B]

Yeah. And I guess I met you at Stand Up.

[A]

Yeah, we met Stand Up New York. And we used to watch because, remember, it was always either Big J, Patrice, or A Tell would be, like, the headliners. So you got to watch in, like, comics. And Louis, Louie was, like, coming Up.

[B]

Yeah, I don't remember Louis there, though.

[A]

I remember watching Louis at Stand Up New York in front of, like, 15 people on a Monday night. And he was doing. He was working on Chewed Up. It was after Shameless.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I remember watching him kill. He was, like, doing so well. This guy was in pain. This guy was like. This guy was, like, holding himself. He was like, ah. Laughing so hard at Louie, because Louie was doing the joke about when girls go wild, they show their tits, but when women go wild, they drown their kid in the bathtub. And he was like.

[B]

This guy was like, that is really funny.

[A]

It was awesome. But, yeah, I loved Stand Up New York. That place meant a lot to me.

[B]

Because I also like the comic strip, too. I was at Stand Up New York more, though.

[A]

Yeah. Because you could go back. I would go with Big J over in between, because he would be. I would just be like his little henchman, and he'd be like, do you want to go to.

[B]

He's a good guy to be like your henchmen.

[A]

He was very fun, dude. Do you remember?

[B]

Still very fun.

[A]

Oh, he's the best. He's the funniest human being I've ever met in my life. He is, like, naturally, naturally.

[B]

Just very funny. Off the cuff.

[A]

Big J is the funnier than anybody I've ever met in my life. Like, just hanging out with, being around. It's. It's not even close so funny. He used to do one of my favorite things in the world. Do you remember old Stand Up New York? There was a stoop next to the front door. Now it's like a finished building.

[B]

I remember that stoop, but there was.

[A]

A stoop and there was a lawyer on the first floor. And then there was a rubbing tug on the second floor.

[B]

I don't think I knew that.

[A]

Big J, Louis and Dave, the skanks pointed me out to the fact that there was the rubbing tug. And we would hang out Fridays because Louis would do poster dog. And so there would be, like. Everybody would be around. Bargetzi, Justin Silver, Dave Smith. Big J would always, like, headline Harris Stanton.

[B]

Harris Stanton. That's from the past.

[A]

That would be, like, the kind of the crew that would hang out there. Whenever a guy on Friday night would leave that place, Jay would start a slow clap because he knew he was leaving the Rugged Dog. So Big J, we would all be outside smoking cigarettes.

[B]

Embarrassing.

[A]

Yeah. And then Jay would be like, what.

[B]

Did the guys do? Just, like, walk Ashamed?

[A]

Yeah, dude. They would just come down the stairs and be like, oh. And they, like, walk right to the one train or whatever. But it was. I specifically remember that being like, that's so embarrassing. So fun to do.

[B]

Yeah, but that's so bad.

[A]

And then remember Lorenzo from the pizza place next door?

[B]

Yes. I remember that pizzeria, and he would beat that really good pizza. I don't remember that part.

[A]

They had great pizzeria. And Lorenzo would come over outside and smoke cigarettes, and he would, like.

[B]

I don't remember him beating people up.

[A]

I watched him beat the out of a crackhead. Like, beat the out of.

[B]

It's so unfair to a crackhead.

[A]

No, this guy was. Honestly, this was pretty even. He went in. He went in, bought a slice, ate it in the pizzeria, and then wanted another one because he said it was too small in the rental.

[B]

Those slices were very small, though.

[A]

I don't know. Business is business. But the guy.

[B]

I like that guy's attitude.

[A]

The guy flipped three pizzas on the. You know how, like, the pizzas are up top.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

He, like. I was standing outside smoking, watching it, and he, like, flipped all three. And Lorenzo, like, you know, in his apron and all white with the Italian horn necklace.

[B]

That horn.

[A]

And he was like, you motherfucker. And the guy, like, went outside, and then he went outside. He chased the guy outside, and the guy turned around and threw a punch. And then Lorenzo was like. And just. The dude.

[B]

He should have just given him One.

[A]

Slice, I don't know.

[B]

Three pies.

[A]

Yeah. But that was worth it for me. That was real cool. That was a cool.

[B]

Remember all of the head shots I had in there?

[A]

Oh, yeah. That was on, like, the little. That little blank wall or whatever. Or, like. Right.

[B]

And that was a very small pizzeria.

[A]

Do you remember? Oh, the pizzeria. Headshots. Oh, yeah. That was, like, fucking great. They had them all along the. And you would like, look, and you'd.

[B]

Be like, one day I'm gonna be there.

[A]

Yeah. Or I would be. I was always blown away by who they had where I'd be like, Laurent, Lorenzo Llamas.

[B]

I didn't know half the people, but.

[A]

That'S what I, like, pick him out of, like, from renegade. Like, shit shows where you're like, why are you putting that guy up?

[B]

They had to pay him so much money to leave that whole area.

[A]

Oh, I bet Lorenzo's in Florida on a nice piece of land, right?

[B]

Beating up crackheads in Florida.

[A]

Just chasing down these. He's like, basalts. You think? I'm worried about basalt. But he would come out and be like. He always hooked us up with food when there was extra food at the end of the night.

[B]

Yeah, he was a nice guy.

[A]

He would come out and be like, I'm throwing this away. What do you guys want? And when we were so poor. You're like, yeah, that's.

[B]

I'll eat whatever you have.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I remember Lewis was, like, living with this comical for a while.

[A]

I. I know exactly what you're talking about. And they lived up in Harlem together.

[B]

And she was like, he stopped paying rent, Lewis. But then also, he was like, she wasn't. I was paying her wrench, wasn't giving it to the guy. So they were both just, like, squatting there for months.

[A]

That's very funny. A squat off where they're like. When you're squatting on a squatter.

[B]

And I think they were sharing, like, a big room. I don't even think they had their own bedroom.

[A]

I remember that Lewis has had some crazy living situations.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But this. This is right when I met him. This is like.

[B]

This is probably 2007, 2008.

[A]

Yeah. When I started hanging out with him. And you were like, coming from Colorado and Arizona.

[B]

Do you think Lewis was, like, a crazy person?

[A]

Yeah, I was. But I liked it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of course I was interested. You were very interesting to me because you were very New York to me. You were very, like. You were, like, from the Bronx. You didn't give A. You were almost like a caricature of, like, what I thought New Yorkers were like. That makes sense because you were like, you. You were like. But you were nice to me, but not in, like, a fake Midwestern, like, hi, how are you? Like, you were cold to me until we started talking, and then you were cool.

[B]

But mostly, I think people think, like, I'm just like, a mean person. I'm like, I'm just kind of like an introvert a bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, like, once we're friends, I could talk to you forever.

[A]

Yeah. But at first I was kind of like, I. I think Adrian hates me. And then we're doing those things that. And then we were doing those mics together, and then we started talking about people, and I was like, oh, Adrian doesn't hate me.

[B]

I remember, like, some crazy things Daniella would say at that mic.

[A]

Oh, my God. She would, like, tell us not to write jokes.

[B]

I know. I remember one time she went on stage about, like, having her period and putting the T. The pad on, like, a. Like, the Heat or. She had such crazy. And she was, like, dating Goldman. Gary.

[A]

Gary Gold for a while. Yeah.

[B]

Convinced him to, like, move upstate on a farm.

[A]

They bought a. Like a million dollar farm or something.

[B]

Right. I wonder if he thinks back to his life. He's like, I shouldn't have bought that farm.

[A]

Maybe. I don't know. But I do remember my. One of my favorite moments from that era was she moved her show to the Comedy Village, which was the old Boston.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And it was Monday nights, and I had to bark to get on it.

[B]

Oh, God, we were. I was always barking everywhere, and I'm the worst barker.

[A]

Me, too. I was horrible.

[B]

Come to the show and they're like, no. I'm like, you're probably right.

[A]

Yeah, I remember. You know who's really good at barking? Schultz.

[B]

I could see that.

[A]

I remember when we do the Comedy Village, he'd, like, get people in and I'd be like, damn, that's impressive. Because he's also doing arenas, like, doing.

[B]

Crowd work, though, Right. Where you kind of talk to people. And, like, he was very.

[A]

He's so charming.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That he would, like, be on the corner and be like, where are you guys going? You guys going out? Or whatever. I'm lazy. I found out if I sat on the stool in front of the comedy.

[B]

Club, people come by, I could.

[A]

It would count as barking.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I didn't have to get anybody. And then I could hang out with all the comics, and that's pretty sweet. Like, smoke cigarettes and just chill out front.

[B]

That's smart.

[A]

It was pretty great. But I remember one night very, very late, like 2 in the morning. The show started at 8. There's, like four people in the audience.

[B]

Sounds about right.

[A]

And Daniella was like, I'm gonna go on stage. And we were like, joe List. Joe List was the permanent host.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Every Monday he hosted, and he was supposed to get paid, and he never got paid. He always got fucking ripped off. Every Monday, he always got ripped off by Daniela. Yeah. He'd be like, I'm supposed to get 100 bucks. And he would get nothing. Then sometimes he get paid. So he would come back.

[B]

Right. Because you never knew.

[A]

And it was also pretty good show. Like, she would get Jim Norton.

[B]

Yeah. And she usually got like, what was it, a bringer? Kind of.

[A]

It was kind. It was. It was like a bringer hybrid where she would have a couple people that were bringers and then. And then barking and then people would come or whatever. But then she would also get like, Goldman and Norton and like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even Patrice was.

[B]

There was still a lot of comedy in that area.

[A]

The Sellers, the Seller, and Sal's Comedy Hole.

[B]

Sal's that guy?

[A]

Yeah. He then moved to LA and became, like, a success.

[B]

But success there, I heard not in comedy.

[A]

Well, I think, like, running a room. I think he's, like, successful. But I remember specifically that night, List and I are like, they're very late. And she's like, I'm going to go up. And we're like, what? And she's like, yeah, I'm going to go up. And we wanted the show to end, so we were like, fuck, dude, all right, whatever. And then she goes on stage and starts talking about two of the four people that are there are fdny. She goes up there and she starts Talking about how 911 was an inside job. And List and I are by the sound booth. I've told the story before on the Bonfire, but it's my favorite thing. We're sitting there and Joe goes. Joe goes, you hit the lights. I got the sound. You remember that door that went down to the Bagged Inn?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

There was, like, a hallway where you could go to the bar under the thing. So Joe says that, and I. I, like, hit the lights down and the sound is up. And he hits play, and it was Zeppelin's Black Dog. So she's on stage and the light goes out. You just hear, hey, hey, mama, say.

[B]

The way you moved.

[A]

And then we ran downstairs with the lights off. We ran downstairs, sat at the bar, split a beer. So it looked like we, like, ordered a beer from Terry, the bartender, split it, and then one of her other minions was like, you guys know what happened upstairs? And we're like, no, what happened? He's like, someone turned off the lights. Turn on the music. And Joe and I were like, crazy. But it was.

[B]

You saved her, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Maybe she doesn't know that, but you saved her.

[A]

Yeah, that really is true.

[B]

You don't realize them probably foreclosing on that farm.

[A]

Yeah. They're like, oh, yeah. Got a idea.

[B]

It was so crazy. He had stopped doing comedy for a while, too, because he was with her.

[A]

Yeah. But then he's, you know. And then he came back.

[B]

He came back.

[A]

He's great. But that was such a weird, fun time.

[B]

It was a fun, weird time. Like, even Sal. I was, like, working for Sal for a while as. As just like, that guy took advantage of everybody.

[A]

Well, that was, like, when comedy. That was the last era of comedy being ran by, like, carnies. Like, in the true sense. Like, I just worked side splitters in Tampa and BT runs it, and it's phenomenal.

[B]

It's great. He's so nice.

[A]

The PT rules and. And the shows are great and the staff is awesome.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But do you remember who owned it before Bobby Jewell?

[B]

No, because I didn't work there before.

[A]

He was that old school. Like, he, like. That was one of the last clubs I remember on the road being ran by guys like that where he had. He had a bad wig and you'd always, like, scratch it, and you're always.

[B]

Watching, like, a black woman.

[A]

Like, yeah, he would, like. Yeah, he would, like, not move it, like. And I remember he would, like, talk to you in a way that, like, almost seemed motivational, but really it was.

[B]

Like, clear being a dick.

[A]

Yeah. Where he'd be like. Because Sam Morrill liked him because Sam would get blackout drunk with him at the bar.

[B]

That sounds right.

[A]

And Sam was like, nah, nah, nah. He's real fun. And you're like, no, he's a piece of shit. But he was, like, the kind of guy where he would, like, you would see the numbers in the book, and then he would lie to your face and be like, nah, you didn't even do that good.

[B]

I don't remember this guy either, but people were talking about the guy that used to own American Comedy Club was awful, I think.

[A]

Yeah, I don't think he's.

[B]

No, I don't think he does, really, because I did it and he wasn't there. It wasn't like that crazy guy. Yeah.

[A]

I think he still might own it.

[B]

Really? You think he was just chill that weekend?

[A]

I don't know. I don't know. Because honestly, the last time I was there, I had a. The guy that emceed for me the time before asked to do a guest set.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I was like, yeah, come on in, dude. Do guess that. And then we were just hanging. We were hanging in the green room, and they had a camera in the green room. And the guy, we're, like, having an awesome conversation. He's like, yeah, comedy or whatever. And then he goes, I need to leave. And I go, what the fuck? Why did you look at your phone? And he goes, he's watching us. He says, I'm not allowed back here. Oh, my God, that is wild. And he had to leave. He, like, left in the middle of the show. Like, those shows are fun.

[B]

I didn't draw well there, obviously.

[A]

Yeah. But that club is that. There's also seven clubs on that street.

[B]

I just remember being on stage and being like, I see why they don't headline women. I was like, I get your point. You're losing a lot of money this weekend, and it's my fault.

[A]

You guys are really bleeding out.

[B]

You guys are losing so much money this weekend.

[A]

Yeah. But the thing I've always loved about it's like, I've watched, like you said, you can do something and just keep doing it.

[B]

Yeah. Just dysfunction.

[A]

But I've watched you be this, like, hilarious joke writer and, like, an awesome comic. A comic that is a true comics comic. Like, other comics love you. And it's been fun watching the right comics love you. You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's almost like when Louis got on board and Ari gets on board, and you're like, okay, good.

[B]

But I've also needed comics to help me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because, like, the industry just really never cares.

[A]

But now the industry is completely broken.

[B]

True that.

[A]

They are so broken that it's kind of.

[B]

They don't even know what they're doing.

[A]

Have you talked to anybody that's an industry recently?

[B]

So my managers, like, they're letting everyone go because nobody can make money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it is kind of a crazy Turnaround.

[A]

It's a 180 from if. If. If. If you and I sitting on this couch, were to. Were to go get a nice meatball hoagie at Angelo's in 07.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then talk to the two young versions of us sitting at the thing, you'd be like, there's no More Comedy Central. There's no more industry. There's no more late night.

[B]

Late night sets don't do late night sets. Do nothing.

[A]

You would explain to that where you'd.

[B]

Be like, work on social media. And you'd be like, what is that?

[A]

What is social media?

[B]

Exactly. No one was on Twitter right when we started. That really didn't exist.

[A]

Facebook was like a thing thing.

[B]

I got on Facebook, like 2009.

[A]

Yeah, Facebook was a thing, but it wasn't a. MySpace was good for comedy.

[B]

That's how Dane blew up.

[A]

Dane blew up. Steve Burn did good on MySpace. There's a couple people I remember like learning about on MySpace.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All the O anda guys I would go find on MySpace when I was like living in Arizona, because that's how.

[B]

I would go find my is so crazy.

[A]

Bill Burr used to have blogs. Bill Burr used to write out.

[B]

I could see that bits.

[A]

I remember him writing out a bit about how white girls talk about how real they are. And he's like, yeah, you're not the rza. I remember like reading that being like.

[B]

I mean, when did he blow up? When he did that OA thing in Philly and he just went off.

[A]

That was big for him. But then his podcast.

[B]

But what year was that?

[A]

That was kind of like 08.09.

[B]

That was kind of like.

[A]

Because he did. Why Do I Do this? Came out in 08. That was an hour special on Comedy Central. And then that let it go. Like, that was when he was selling out Carolines.

[B]

And like, do you remember those half hours HBO did he had one.

[A]

Yeah. One Night Stands.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The year that builder. Sorry to interrupt.

[B]

Build it.

[A]

Also Burr. Patrice Voss.

[B]

No, Bonnie.

[A]

Oh, it was Bonnie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was Kevin Brennan.

[B]

Kevin's was really funny. All of them were great. All those half hours.

[A]

Those were unbelievable. Louie.

[B]

Louie did it.

[A]

Louie was that same year. But the one Night stands. HBO is completely given up on comedy.

[B]

Yeah. Because I. I know that, like, they'll only do a couple of people that I think they either like have contracts with or work on their network.

[A]

They told me when I tried to re up that they were looking for a message.

[B]

A message.

[A]

So I was like.

[B]

What's up? I mean, I don't know. Does anyone even watch their special? No, I guess. I don't know.

[A]

It's like, I think they had like. I think Nikki did a good job.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think Gerard Carmichael had a big one, but outside of that, I. I don't really remember anybody moving the needle.

[B]

No. I think he would do I mean, you putting yours on YouTube, I think is the best because you got so many views on it.

[A]

I got. It helped my ticket sales, which is all that I cared about.

[B]

Right, of course.

[A]

And I mean, Netflix. How have you felt about Netflix? Like, do you feel like.

[B]

I mean, I don't know, because, like, they don't really do any promotion. I mean, like, they were good to work with, but, like. And they do that for, I guess, everyone or ones that are not ones that they're licensing. I think they just do a certain amount of stuff for you, but you really have to push it yourself.

[A]

Yeah. And that's almost like, yes, I'm doing.

[B]

All the podcasts myself.

[A]

Yeah, you have to go do.

[B]

Which obviously, like, that's part of it and what you have to do.

[A]

But back to our point, like, in 07, there was a machine. There was, like, an actual machine that could push you. Like, someone would see you in a club, and literally, they could do the thing where they were like, I'm gonna put you on this. I'm gonna put you on this.

[B]

I'm gonna put you on set. You'll do a half hour on Comedy Central.

[A]

You get an hour, you go to.

[B]

Montreal, you get a development deal.

[A]

And if you get a pilot, you could. The deadline article will get you another pilot.

[B]

Yes, but, like, the year I did Montreal was the last year that they had.

[A]

You did 2010, right?

[B]

I did 22. I'm vaccion.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that was the last year before they had, like, the unwrapped new faces. You went the next year, right?

[A]

I was unwrapped, baby.

[B]

And unwrapped.

[A]

I did unwrap. Or as Chris Laker famously called it, no face.

[B]

No face. They treated you guys like an adopted child.

[A]

I had to take a greyhound up there.

[B]

And they gave you no money. No money Also give you no hotel?

[A]

Nope. They gave us the. They gave us a 25 discount on the hotel. That was all they gave us.

[B]

Right.

[A]

No per diem.

[B]

And that's the thing you have to love about Ari. Didn't he, like, put together a letter and comic signing to be like, hey, you guys have to stop treating them.

[A]

Like a couple years later. He did that. Yeah, because that's what Ari like.

[B]

All right. Yeah, you need Ari.

[A]

Ari got, like, Rogan and a bunch of people to sign this letter that was like, yo, this is up. Ari took all the unre people to dinner. Like, bought him a dinner up there. Not my year. Cheap Jew. I'm just kidding.

[B]

Yeah, he like, we didn't Specifically to hurt you.

[A]

Yeah. No, dude, Ari is.

[B]

He loves comedy more than anyone I know he is. And he also does everything to just kind of hurt his own career.

[A]

Well, he does stuff that you go like. I try to explain it to people. I'm like, it's like having a dog that you love that occasionally will piss in the house. And you have to go, like, when he pisses, like, the Kobe joke was like a piss in the house.

[B]

And you go like, that was more like a. All over the house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You stepping in, you got diarrhea. It's all over the house. That was a shit and walk.

[A]

But it was interesting to watch how people respond. Like, comics responded because the la.

[B]

Watching comics come out and talk against him was insane.

[A]

Yeah. And that was when. That was when I felt like Ari became a true New York comic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because all the New York comics were like, yeah, it was unfunny.

[B]

Also. It was crazy. But, like, whatever.

[A]

Well, everyone. Everyone to Ari's face was like, you idiot.

[B]

Right. But then there were some comics who were like, going on social media to be like, I can't believe you did that.

[A]

That's what that was. That felt like more the LA people.

[B]

Yeah. Because he was like, if that's how you feel, then come and talk to me about it. And that was a legitimate point. I was with him when that happened.

[A]

People were like, disowning him on podcasts.

[B]

I mean, so crazy.

[A]

And then we were like, hanging out with him and being like, who? Like, I remember hearing the stories about.

[B]

It, and you're like, I remember somebody wrote to him and wrote something nice and supportive, and they're like, I can't believe these people would do that to you. And then they came out against him, and he's like, this is even worse.

[A]

Talking about both sides of your mouth. When someone gets in trouble like that, like, that's what I kind of feel like we're getting away from. That's good. With the death of the industry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that you don't have people talking, like, industry and then coming to you and being like, I didn't mean all that. Right.

[B]

Like, saving face, kind of.

[A]

Yeah. Like.

[B]

Like, I needed to do that for my career.

[A]

Yeah. Like, that's. That's why I think it's so funny when you see the comics that are like, oh, am I gonna get canceled? And there's a. That's not a thing anymore.

[B]

No, not anymore.

[A]

There's no machine to get fired from.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, it's all your patreon and your YouTube following and you know what I mean?

[B]

I got. I remember on the special came in, like, last week sometime, and I guess a week ago on Tuesday, and this lady wrote to me, was like, you're gonna get canceled. I'm like, from what? Netflix put it out.

[A]

Yeah. You know. You know, when you start comedy in your family, members that don't know about comedy go like, you should try to.

[B]

Get on snl, right?

[A]

And you go like, oh, yeah, why wouldn't I go be on the biggest comedy show of all time? Of course, didn't even strike me. That is the equivalent now of people going like, you're going to get cancelled. And you're like.

[B]

And they're so happy, too.

[A]

She's a. Yeah, but, you know, that's like that woman, she carries that with her, I guess.

[B]

But you're just like, good luck, lady.

[A]

Yeah, cancel. Get. Get, people. Get eyes.

[B]

I would love that.

[A]

Get eyes on it.

[B]

Yeah, go. Go storm the Capitol.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's hilarious. Go do it. Go. Get. Get nuts. Get. What are you gonna get? You're gonna.

[B]

It's so funny. I thought I would get a lot more hate.

[A]

You thought so?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it has. Were you disappointed? Sound disappointed.

[B]

I think enough people haven't watched it. That's probably what it is.

[A]

No, I bet people. I honestly think. I hope. I think we're getting away from the point of, like, getting mad about creative stuff. I hope, like TV shows or music. It's like, remember when we were growing up and Al Gore's wife was, like, trying to say that, like, rock and roll and rap and all that there's a parental advisory. That was Tipper Gore. That was like, Al Gore's wife being like, you shouldn't cuss. You shouldn't talk about sex or whatever. And I remember being a kid and being like, how do you get lame like that? Like, how do you grow into something?

[B]

I think it's just like, you're pandering to an audience.

[A]

That's exactly what it is.

[B]

Yeah. You just need somebody to be like, good job.

[A]

But now what's funny is, I think the pandering has flipped from liberal to conservative.

[B]

Well, that's what's gonna happen.

[A]

I think now everyone panders to conservatives to get. Because it's, like, the most popular. I mean, you saw at the election. And sure, it's like, very popular. And it's so. It's easier to go like, sorry, bro, I'm a patriot. You're not patriotic enough. And you're like, what the.

[B]

Patriotic enough.

[A]

You Guys talk.

[B]

I would never fight for this country. I have to be honest.

[A]

I would. I would want you as a general in our army.

[B]

What's funny is I used to wear. And this is what that reminds me of. I used to work at Honda.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's like a job where, like, they tell you all these lies to get you to do it.

[A]

Like, what?

[B]

They're like, you're gonna get like 150 a week or whatever. It's.

[A]

We're.

[B]

They said they were going to give us paid training, which we never got.

[A]

Really?

[B]

We never got. And I was like, young. I was like 22, 23 maybe.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then when you work there, everyone that's. They're like, we don't want you to get any sales for six weeks. You're like, you're giving me 150 bucks a week. And then if you do get sales, everyone that works there is mad.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Because they work there longer and they should get those sales. So I reached a point where I was like, I hate these people. I'm against them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this guy comes in and he's like, his daughter's name was Adrian. His wife had just died. This like, little Italian guy. And I go, I'm on your side. I'm gonna tell you everything they say. So I go to them and then I would go back to him. Like, this is what they say. But I think we could get less money. I just turned against these people and was working against them. And that's probably how it would be as a general.

[A]

Yeah. You'd be like, by the way, I'd.

[B]

Be like, mexico's close. Let's all leave.

[A]

Yeah. By the way, they're not even. There's not even going to be an attack. We're going to play volleyball.

[B]

Exactly. Let's just play poker.

[A]

Yeah. Guys, honestly, let's raid Saddam's palace. We'll take. And then we'll.

[B]

And then we'll just hang out in the palace.

[A]

Yeah. That was like that movie Three Kings where they're like going to steal the gold. And you're kind of like, I like these guys. I get it. I always like when people do. That's always so funny because, like, this idea of, like, raging against the machine and, like, being there. And then we went and saw Rage against the Machine when they're at Madison Square Garden and there's all these, like, bankers, there's all these, like, dudes and like, button down shirts. But they bought Rage shirts at the merch thing.

[B]

So they're wearing it over Their button down shirts.

[A]

And they're like sitting there being like, fuck you. I won't do what you tell me. You're like.

[B]

It's like you're the machine. Yeah. You're the person.

[A]

You're not. But that was. That's like where we're at right now, where people are like, you're technically the machine. You're not raging against.

[B]

Yeah. I'm also seeing a lot of guys in crop top laptops.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. I seen like two walking here.

[A]

Showing belly.

[B]

Showing belly. And gays. I don't know. I assume so.

[A]

I feel like if you're young now, you can fake being gay to get right.

[B]

Remember how someone wants to turn you?

[A]

Yeah. Well, you remember how when we were young, you would always be like, oh, that gay best friend, he's probably pretending because they can play with your tits and.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I feel like that's like, that isn't. That's how you get girls strategy. That's like, probably how you get girls is you go like, I love penis. And they're like, no, like this. And you're like, I guess.

[B]

And then slowly you're like thinking in your head, you're like, I could turn this guy.

[A]

Yeah. And then he's just really. And he's really like. He like leaves and it's like Kaiser Soze. He changes his walk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's like.

[B]

Takes his clothes off.

[A]

He's like.

[B]

I had to pretend to love sucking cock back there.

[A]

He's like, whatever. I did too. But it ain't gay. He gets you in the door. You know what I mean?

[B]

But I am seeing the rise of a lot of guys wearing crop tops.

[A]

All right, we're gonna stop that. We're stopping. Stop the crop.

[B]

So I remember I had this friend that was trans. I didn't know she was trans. I just thought she was tall. I did not know. And she would wear shirts showing her belly. And I was like, that's such a weird thing because women have like shame.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she had none. And then I found out she was trans and I was like, oh, that's. You need shame to be a woman.

[A]

Yeah. You go. That's old programming kicking in.

[B]

Right. She just had a belly shirt on with a belly.

[A]

Yeah. She's got dude energy.

[B]

I was just shocked by it because I've never seen a woman outside of like black women. I've never seen a woman have a gut and show her gut.

[A]

Oh. Like, well, then that whole like mid teens where everyone was like, body positivity, where they Started being like, girls, show your.

[B]

This was before that, really? Like, 20 years ago.

[A]

So that was shocking to you?

[B]

And then when I found out she was trans, I was like, oh, got it.

[A]

You carried over some of that old program.

[B]

Her and her partner, they were gay. And then she was like, oh, I'm on her insurance. And I was like, how gay people? And she's like, there's a loophole. And I didn't figure out the loophole.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, I didn't figure out the loophole.

[A]

Damn, I wish I was smart. When you see someone that pulls something smart like that.

[B]

Didn't realize it at the time. I really feel like I got hoodwinked.

[A]

Do you remember where you were when you figured it all out?

[B]

Were you like, I think someone. I think I posted a joke about trans people and she got mad. We got into a fight about it, and then I was like. And it wasn't even a bad joke, but, like, she was just, like, against me.

[A]

Have you had lost friends because of jokes?

[B]

No, because anyone who's my real friend would not be upset by jokes.

[A]

Did you ever lose someone that you thought was a friend and then they.

[B]

Got over a joke? Yeah, I had somebody. This isn't the same thing because we're not really friends. But she said something about, like, being upset by the Puerto Rican joke. She goes, I thought, we're friends. I'm like, first of all, I became friends with you after I taped that. Second of all, we're not real friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We work out together, so chill. And also, I was like, are you really upset by that? I'm like, if you're not upset about everything else, I said, you're just a faker.

[A]

Well, that, like, goes back to, like, that Tipper Gore thing. I'm always blown away by people that would get, like, mad at rock and roll or, like, mad at music where they're like, I can't stand it. I remember when Columbine happened, I was living in Colorado. Oh.

[B]

And they're blaming on video games and Marilyn Manson.

[A]

And they were like, they listen to Marilyn Manson. And I remember being like a teenager being like, how lame do you have to be to make a song and make you do something?

[B]

Also, if you're doing something because of Marilyn Manson, aren't you just gonna dress like him or do whatever he's doing?

[A]

You're gonna. I don't think you're gonna, like, gonna hear a Marilyn Manson song and be like, I should shoot all the kids crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. That's always funny to me. That's how I feel about jokes, too, where I'm like, I don't think it made you do anything.

[B]

I do wonder if, like, what these kids are doing before they're going into.

[A]

These schools, the hype up.

[B]

Are they listening to music?

[A]

I think you got to get Malormanson. You know what? I think they were right. Full circle moment. You go, son of a.

[B]

It did get me in the mood.

[A]

Yeah. And they're like, because you really. If you found out someone got hyped for a shooting listening to, like, your special, you would almost be like, would you be a little honored? Would you like. Oh, I don't know.

[B]

I would be surprised. They weren't listening to music.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Music hypes you up for stuff. Music you'd need to be like, somebody told me that. And there's, like, a homeless encampment in Toronto, and people were listening to my special on a Bluetooth thing.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

I know. I was like, I've reached my audience.

[A]

Yeah, you're gonna have. You're gonna have a legion of. Of just outside people. Yeah.

[B]

That can't come inside.

[A]

Yeah. You gotta go. You gotta take this outside. Yeah. Take it to the can only for money. Or for, like. Like, hobo money, which is like bread and, like, bottle caps. They really said that someone was listening to somebody.

[B]

Somebody, like, wrote that in one of my comments.

[A]

That's so.

[B]

I was like, that is really funny.

[A]

That is very funny. And also, like, I like that.

[B]

I love it because they're.

[A]

They're like, you're bringing them a little comfort.

[B]

Sure. And they're probably like, yeah, a lot of this stuff is actually true.

[A]

Yeah. They go, I love.

[B]

Nobody cares about us.

[A]

They go, it's funny because it's true. Now I'm gonna go sleep under this turnpike. Yeah. Let me go eat. A good point.

[B]

All right. Can I have five?

[A]

I was. I never thought about it like this. Now let me go to sleep outside.

[B]

Do you ever get, like, a good pitch from a homeless person to give you money?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

A homeless guy asked me for 50 bucks.

[A]

That's so specific.

[B]

I know. And I was like, are you crazy? He's like, how about five?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, that is kind of smart. I still didn't give him money.

[A]

He got you.

[B]

But he probably got money from somebody.

[A]

I remember one was like, a guy was like, I need 17 for a bus to Buffalo because my family is. Or whatever. And I remember being like, oh, there you go. Like, you're three bucks towards the 17. There's no bus?

[B]

No, there's no bus. But in your heart, you feel like you did the right thing.

[A]

Yeah. And then later, when I was mad about it, I was like, what I should have done is gone. I'll go with you to buy to the bus stop, and we'll buy the ticket together. And that guy probably would have stabbed me.

[B]

I was.

[A]

And taking the money that I had.

[B]

Do you remember Parkside Lounge?

[A]

Yeah, of course I remember Parkside Lounge.

[B]

Looking for a party spot. These girls standing in the parking spot. And then she gives me the parking spot. And then she's like, hey, I just got out of the hospital. My boyfriend beat me up or something. She was pregnant with twins. And I was like, whatever. She's like, will you buy me something to eat? And I went, and I bought her something to eat.

[A]

And she. Was she mad about it?

[B]

No. She's like, I'm name one of the twins after you. Oh, I don't think she did.

[A]

You don't think the twins made it, or you don't think she named it?

[B]

I don't think she names after me. It'd be funny if one's like Khadijah and then Adrian.

[A]

Yeah, that's so funny.

[B]

I'm here there for this white lady, Adrian.

[A]

And they go, why are you named Adrian? And she goes, she bought me a sandwich.

[B]

She's the reason why we lived in Euro.

[A]

But also, she had a sick parking spot at Parkside Lounge.

[B]

Such a good parking spot.

[A]

I mean, are you kidding me? That's a tough place to get a parking spot.

[B]

I spent 17 on that lady. It was a sandwich. A sandwich and an orange juice and almonds.

[A]

Almonds are such a good source of protein.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

That was for the best.

[B]

My good deed.

[A]

That's a good deed. I'm not gonna lie.

[B]

And then I seen another homeless person. I was like, I just bought that one. Something.

[A]

Yeah, you need to get receipts from homeless people. I just gotta start carrying them around. So you go, no, no, I'm good. I'm good. And they go, all right, we'll catch you on the next round next time.

[B]

Next time.

[A]

I'll staying in the parking spot next time. Then you can get it the special the Dark Queen out on Netflix right now. Go watch it. It is the best. Some of the best stand up on Netflix right now. It truly is. It's like, Adrian is so funny. I love your jokes. I just am so happy that you. That Louis directed it and Ari produced it. And it just felt like I was so happy to find out you were doing it when you sent me a cut of it. I fucking watched it immediately and loved it.

[B]

That was very nice.

[A]

It's, it's awesome. You're awesome and I've known you forever.

[B]

And this is just like we're really old buds. Yeah, we came up in this together.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm really like, you're one of the people that when, when people get stuff, you're like, finally, yes, that's how it should happen instead of watching people manipulate the algorithm or steal jokes.

[B]

Also, if you know how to manipulate the algorithm, let me know. Yeah, I have no idea. Yeah, I posted something and I don't have a big following on Tick Tock but my view, my, I got like 13 views on something. I'm like, what am I doing?

[A]

Yeah, what the 13 views? There's like dogs eating stuff that get more views.