Anthony Jeselnik in the Bunker

Summary

Sofieland: The Bunker — "Anthony Jeselnik in the Bunker"

Host: Sofie Hagen
Guest: Anthony Jeselnik
Date: August 4, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this distinctive and comedic episode of Sofieland: The Bunker, Sofie Hagen welcomes stand-up comedian Anthony Jeselnik into her fictional (and faintly apocalyptic) bunker for an extended conversation. The premise: If the world was ending and you were assigned a bunker to share with one other person, how would you coexist — and what would you learn about one another along the way?

Sofie carefully addresses the potentially jarring mix between her own warmly supportive, queer, non-binary audience and Jeselnik’s “edgy” comedic persona, explaining her personal connection to his work and her confidence in his “good guy” status despite his dark stage character. The ensuing conversation is a funny, surprisingly thoughtful exploration of personality, boundaries, conflict, and survival — all through the lens of a hypothetical ultra-close-quarters lockdown.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Bunker Premise & Audience Framing

(00:00 – 11:10)

• Sofie’s Intro: Sofie gives a heartfelt, slightly anxious preamble about Anthony Jeselnik’s reputation, his place in her comedic inspiration, and her reasoning for having him as a guest. She acknowledges the possible discomfort of her audience but stands by her decision.
  • Quote: “If your list of comedians that you love is like me, Hannah Gatsby, Mae Martin, Sarah Pascoe...I don’t see the fifth one being Anthony Jeselnik.” (00:04:43)
• Personal History: Sofie recounts meeting Anthony at the Dublin Comedy Festival; they got along, but didn’t keep in touch until now.
• About the “Bunker Game”: Each guest is asked to pack two movies, two albums, and two books for the bunker—discussion of these is reserved for the bonus episode.

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2. Breaking the Ice: How Do We Know Each Other?

(11:10 – 13:25)

• Anthony’s Memory: Remembers Sofie’s kindness during a lonely week in London—“I'm going to pay you back by being in a bunker with you.”
• Both agree they don’t truly know each other, but are willing to see how things unfold.

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3. The Bunker Setup: Logistics, Dogs, and Lethal Fantasies

(13:25 – 23:26)

• Scenario Details: Anthony pokes fun at the podcast's dramatic setup, asking, “Do we know why the siren is going off?” (11:34)
• Dog Drama: Debate about whether their dogs could survive together; Anthony’s Akita mix (“he’ll kill them”).
• Privacy Concerns: Discussion about limited privacy, bunk beds, sleep schedules, and open-door bathroom policies.
  • Jeselnik on privacy: “We are seeing each other naked on the regular.” (19:03)
• Anthony’s Bluntness: “If we’re stuck in a bunker, I might flat out kill you... a murder suicide situation.” (20:10)
• Sofie’s Playful Rebuttal: “You'd have to look into my bulging eyes and I'd be too scared and cute and you couldn't do it.” (21:34)

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4. Personality Under Pressure: Solitude, Writing & Book Dreams

(23:26 – 29:26)

• Preference for Solitude: Anthony admits death might be preferable to bunker life, but “I am a big reader...I would enjoy the time to read.” (16:29)
• Would he write? Anthony discusses his high standards and why he hasn’t written a novel—“My taste level does not match my talent level.” (24:49)
• On Writing vs. Stand-Up: “As a comedian...I get immediate feedback. Authors toil in obscurity for years.”
• Book Club: Anthony is passionate about reading, especially crime and noir fiction, but resists memoir.

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5. Coexistence and Conflict: Rules, Boundaries & Quirks

(29:26 – 37:34)

• Pet Peeves: Anthony’s “enemy” is Sofie’s enthusiasm: “Your enthusiasm for being in the bunker would make me...send me off a cliff right away.” (29:40)
• Art and Comfort: Anthony cheers up learning there’s good art in the bunker; stresses need for A/C, no stifling smells, and peace and quiet.
• Alone Time: Reiterates need for privacy; reliance on earplugs to mute irritating sounds.
• Food: Not picky; would take nutrition pills if offered: “I would take the pill just to avoid that [hunger].”
• On Conflict: “I do not suffer fools. I am polite, but...if you’re doing TikTok dances I will tell you to shut up.”

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6. Human Psychology, Anxiety, and the Nature of “Stuck-ness”

(37:34 – 44:10)

• Disaster Fascination: Anthony’s “favorite” disaster is the Titanic sub tragedy—because “no one felt bad for them at all...it was this, like, joyous celebration.” (38:01 – 39:51)
• Bunker Vibe: Agree that “fun” isn’t the right word for their bunker, but “two good friends must have lived here.”
• Personality Synergy: Sofie values Anthony’s economy with words and hopes for mutual personal growth; Anthony reassures her that her rambling is “part of your charm.”

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7. Surviving & Thriving: Rituals, Deadlines and Novelty

(44:10 – 48:33)

• Time & Holidays: Anthony’s iffy relationship with time; would need a clock/calendar or “maybe go insane.”
• Bunker Holidays: Plan to “gift” each other with writing projects for Christmas, but Anthony would give “one read, no notes.”
  • Quote – On art and feedback: “A big part of making art for me...I am very prepared to ignore it.” (46:55)
• Book Club “Rules”: Both admit they’re wary of exposing unfinished work to critique.

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8. Visitors and “Third Wheel” Scenarios

(48:33 – 51:12)

• Adding a Third: Anthony is open to inviting almost anyone, even for a short time, but has strong boundaries:
  • “If we lived with a singer who was just walking around singing. They're dead.” (50:10)
• Music Preferences: Indifferent to music, especially anything “trendy”; tolerates background classical.

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9. Coping Mechanisms, Emotional Health & Journaling

(51:12 – 54:21)

• Anthony’s Comfort Zone: Needs solitude to recharge. “If you hear a lot of deep sighs...you need to shut up.”
• No Journaling: Anthony is strongly against journaling—“I don’t understand how anyone journals out of sheer terror of someone seeing [it].” (52:46)
• Dreams & Processing: Believes dream journaling is counterproductive: "Your brain dreams for a reason…if you write it…and remember, then you are defeating the purpose." (54:11)

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10. Final Reflections: Surprises & Bunker Endgame

(54:21 – 58:21)

• What's Surprising About You? Anthony: “I think people would be surprised that I’m not my stage persona...I am like a normal person.”
• On Re-Entry: When the bunker door opens, would they stay in touch? Both agree—probably not. “It’s almost like when I have openers on the road...there’s people I never talk to again.” (56:55)
• Sofie jokes: “The day after I text you and go ‘oh I forgot to ask you this one thing’...”
• Anthony deadpans: “...you have been blocked for sure.” (58:17)

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Notable Quotes

• Sofie Hagen, on guest selection:
  “But if you’re into the joke writing of it all, and if you’re into dark comedy that isn’t kicking down on vulnerable people, you might actually like him.” (00:09:16)

• Anthony Jeselnik, on being in the bunker:
  “If we’re stuck in a bunker...I might flat out kill you. It might be a murder suicide situation...” (20:10)

• Anthony Jeselnik, on creative output:
  “My taste level does not match my talent level... and I’m also spoiled as a comedian.” (24:49)

• *Anthony Jeselnik, on disaster:
  “When someone dies and people are unabashedly happy about it... that amazes me. The public reaction being like, fuck you is very funny to me.” (39:15)

• Anthony Jeselnik, on privacy and boundaries:
  “If you were getting up, I would probably lose it on you. I get annoyed around drunk people, but we’re sober, we’re just hanging...I think maybe we can make it work.” (32:55)

• Anthony Jeselnik, on emotional coping:
  “I do not hide it very well when I’m annoyed...I will be silent, and then I will snap.” (52:34)

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Anthony Jeselnik’s Plugs

(58:32 – 60:37)

• On tour in America; will do international dates (“I think more than most Americans”).
• Jesselnik Book Club on YouTube: Each month, a literary fiction pick (not nonfiction), short/propulsive reads.
  • Quote: “I just truly like to promote the art—the act—of reading. People get mad when I say the art of reading. But I believe it is an art.” (59:57)
  • July’s pick: Savages by Don Winslow.

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Timestamps to Key Segments

• 00:00 – 11:10 – Sofie’s Introduction and context about Anthony
• 11:10 – 13:25 – Meet cute / Anthony’s memory of Sofie
• 13:32 – 23:26 – Bunker setup, privacy, and dogs
• 21:04 – 22:22 – Anthony humorously discusses fantasizing about “ending it all”
• 23:26 – 29:26 – Reading, writing, and creating in the bunker
• 29:40 – 30:15 – Anthony’s main bunker complaint: Sofie’s “chipperness”
• 38:01 – 40:06 – Favorite disaster? Titanic sub and public reactions to “just” deaths
• 44:41 – 46:55 – Rituals, holiday gift-writing, and thoughts on feedback as an artist
• 52:46 – 54:21 – No journaling and dream-processing theory
• 54:41 – 58:21 – What would surprise people about Anthony and the “after the bunker” future
• 58:32 – 60:37 – Anthony plugs his shows and book club

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Final Thoughts

The episode is a playful, irreverent, and occasionally deep duet between two comedians with very different public personas but an unexpected mutual respect. Sofie’s warmth and Anthony’s dry, often morbid wit mesh in a way that’s both funny and revealing about boundaries, dread, and what it would really mean to be “stuck together” at the end of the world. Whether you’re a Sofie acolyte or a Jeselnik skeptic, this conversation showcases how humor, candor, and curiosity offer paths through unfamiliar territory — even the cement confines of “Sofieland.”

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Listen to the bonus episode via Sofie’s Patreon or Substack, where they discuss their selections of movies, albums, and books for the bunker — and Sofie “snaps” at Anthony over his music choice.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to the Bunker, where I'm about to spend the next many, many years of my life with comedian Anthony Jesnyk, a potentially controversial choice of guest. Now, if you are watching or listening as someone who just wants to hear what Anthony Jesnik has to say because you're a massive Anthony Jesnik fan, just skip this bit. Just jump to the part where I'm speaking to Anthony because I need to say this first. When I look at my audience, when I'm imagining in my head I'm looking over my audience, right? We're at a gig. I'm looking at all of you. What I'm seeing is a bunch. Well, I'm seeing a lot of blue hair, right? I'm seeing a lot of Lucy and Yak dungarees. I'm seeing a lot of kind, smiley, anxious, probably queer, probably non binary faces. What I. And I see people that I love, that I am one off, right? What I do not see are what I would consider Anthony Jessel, Nick fans. Okay? So I, I realized after this chat with Anthony, when I showed some of it to a friend of mine who was livid, my friend was livid and was like, who is this person and why are you chatting with him? And I was like, okay, I might need to do a little bit of explanation and a little bit of background because. Okay, so here's the background for what, what Anthony Jesnik is and what he is to me. This is a big deal for me. Him being on this podcast is a big deal for me. When I started doing stand up 16 years ago, he was like, like, like a blueprint for how to do standup comedy. His jokes, his, his joke writing just on its own as a craft. Extraordinary. We would go do open mics, all the comedians, then we would go to like a, a pub and we would just sit and watch like YouTube clips or listen to his albums and analyze each and every single joke. Like, how did he make it so perfect? And his style, so he is who he is as a person. But then on stage he has like a. I guess we do call it a character where he makes very harsh jokes. Back then it was fun. You know, 16 years ago there was no, I mean, there probably were a bunch of right wing comedians, but back then I feel like I could trust that his intentions were good. Like, I didn't believe that he was his character. It was just more about like joke writing that relied a lot on like the shock value and like the shock horror of it all. Now being an edgy comedian means Something different. So. But he still has his character. Right. He still does hard jokes, but when you listen to them, they might be about edgy topics, but from what I can see, he's not kicking down. I don't know if everyone gets that. I don't. I think he might still have an audience that assume he's one of them, when actually his politics are what I would consider good. So he's fascinating because I think if you don't know or trust that his intentions are pure and he has the right politics and he's a good guy. Yeah. I could see why you'd be like, why are you platforming this guy? But I think he's good. Of course he's a great comedian. He's one of the best comedians. But I also think he's a really, really good person. And he's just probably not for everyone. You might watch some of his stuff and be like, oh, nope, nope. Like, if your list of comedians that you love is like, me, Hannah Gatsby, Mae Martin, Sarah Pascoe, I don't see the fifth one being Anthony Jeselnik. But if you love comedians where it's less. I don't know how to describe it. I just think if you're into the joke writing of it all, and if you're into dark comedy, if you're into slightly edgy comedy that isn't kicking down on vulnerable people, you might actually like him. Anyways, five years after I started doing standup, I met him in Dublin, and we ended up hanging out for the entire weekend. And he was just so sweet. And we got along. We got along so well, and it was really nice. And then just never spoke again. Just never spoke again. And I thought, that's absolutely fine. That's a little bit of a lie. I wasn't absolutely fine with it. I was like, hey, answer my emails. But then he didn't, and that was fine. And then when I started this podcast, I was like, okay, let's. Let's try. And then I emailed him and asked him if he wanted to do it. And for some reason, he said yes, unbeknownst to me why he would, but he said yes, and I invited him into the bunker. A concept he didn't love, which is also fair enough. Right. So it meant a lot for me to talk to him. I think we got along really well. I hope you'll. I hope you. Like, I hope you get then when. When he is being harsh in this episode. It's funny, and I find it funny. If I didn't Find it funny. First of all, I would have been like, okay, so you can go yourself. But also, I. I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have shown it. Like, I wouldn't have published it. I would have been like, that was an uncomfortable conversation. Let's shut it down. Let's not do this. But I thought it was really funny. I hope that helps. And I. I hope you don't find this condescending that I. I don't know. I. I guess I'm a little bit nervous about this. I'm a little bit nervous about the mix of my audience and his comedy. But I can stand by the choice to have him on. Do you know what I mean? I make it sound like he's a serial killer, and I think that's because he sometimes wants to be seen as that. But I love this episode and I. I really love this episode, and I really hope you do too. I really hope you do, too. Okay, now, I asked Anthony Jesnik, as well as I asked all the guests to pack two movies, two albums, and two books, one for each of us. Oh, sorry. My dog was making a sound and I thought. I thought it was something else. That's fine. He's allowed to make a sound. And he gave me. He. He chose. He chose books and movies and albums for us, which we will discuss in the bonus episode. Some really fascinating choices. His. The album he chose for himself made me so mad. Just the idea of him bringing that into the bunker made me so angry in a way that I didn't think I'd snap at him, and I think I kind of did. Whereas the book he chose means so much to me, and it was weird that he chose it, like, just his choices. I could have spoken to him for hours and hours about this. So if you sign up for Patreon or substack, you can go and read, listen, or watch our conversation about his choices. I've written it all out, so you can just read it. Also. Hello. If you're listening, and you are not a fan of mine, but you're a fan of Jesnik, don't worry, you can buy it. You don't have to be a patron, a Patreon supporter. You don't have to be a substack subscriber. You can just buy that one episode and then you don't have to be like, you don't have to support my work. You can just hear what he has to say. I assumed that would be something you'd enjoy. Anyways, I love that conversation. So for all for the rest of you, go and become a Patreon supporter or a substack supporter because you're going to love all these recommendations coming at you. It is. And especially from Anthony Jesnik because he has a book club on YouTube which I'm gonna link to in the bio as well. He talks about it on the podcast. I love this book club so much. Again, he has introduced me to so much fiction that I normally, I'm bad at fiction. Well, I was. I think I'm good at it now, but I was bad at fiction. And then he recommended some books and even the ones I didn't like, I'm happy I read because I normally would just never have read it. So if you ever want to speak to someone about. If you ever want to. Yeah, if you ever want to speak to someone about books and art, I think Anthony Jesnik is the person to speak to. So you will very soon get to enjoy my conversation with him. Please come and see me do stand up comedy live. I'm at the Edinburgh Fringe for all of August. I will then be at the Olderberg Comedy Festival. I'll be at Soho Theater in November in London. Then I will be in Copenhagen, Ohenzer, Aarhus, Radar, Amsterdam, Berlin, Melmurg and Stockholm in Sweden. Please come. I'm sorry for everything I've said about Sweden ever. I'll be all over the uk, Leicester, Leeds, Sheffield, Selby, Newcastle, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen, Birmingham, Manchester, Liverpool, reading, Brighton, Cambridge, London and Exeter. And we're adding Bristol and Cardiff and maybe even more. So sign up for my newsletter, Go to my website for tickets. I'll link in the bio. I would love to see you there. And I know you might be like, that's ages away. It might be ages away, but suddenly it's happened. And then you'll be like, oh, no, I was meant to get tickets. Just get tickets now, you know, it'll feel good for me. It'll feel good for you. Just. I think you just get the tickets now. And some of them are selling out, like, some of them are like Berlin and Rotterdam. Ooh, you need to hurry for those ones. There were a few more that were doing really well, but for the rest of them, you know, please, please, just please. Okay. Sign up for Substack. Sign up for Patreon. Come see me live. Join Anthony Jesnik's book club. And maybe this will work as a transition. Wait, I'm still trying to figure this out. Wait. Oh, I think I hear Anthony Jesnik coming down into the bunker now. So I gotta go. That's nice, isn't it? That's a nice transition. I'm world building. Oh, wait, I hear him now. Oh, he's about to come down. Let me go and have a chat with him and you can listen in. Okay, bye. You're at home, and then you hear the siren. Okay, the siren. You know what it tells you? It tells you that you have to run to the bunker, the bunker you've been assigned, and then you grab the folder that's been gathering dust for all these years, and it's the folder that tells you who you're going to be sharing the bunker with. And you look in it and it says, stand up comedian Sophie Hagan.

[B]

So in that moment, this is how you start your podcast.

[A]

This is how I'm sticking to it.

[B]

There's. There's no. There's no, like, hey, Anthony, nice to see you again. It's just like the world is ending. You get a bunker with just one other person. They've built so many bunkers, and we all know this and we're cool with it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do we know why the siren is going off? No, you don't. So you don't know what the disaster is. You just know you got to get in a bunker. And I'm finding out just now. It's comedian Sophie Hagan. Yes. Which is how you refer to yourself in real life.

[A]

I'm just saying what the official texts are telling you. Comedian Sophie Hagan.

[B]

So other people are getting texts that are like, garbage man Jeff Jenkins. You know, they. It puts your job before your thing, and you're getting one saying, comedian Anthony Jeselnik. Even though we live quite far apart from each other. All right, I'm in. I got the text. I'm like, I remember you. So I'm okay with this. I'm surprised, but I'm like, I'm cool. Yeah.

[A]

Do you have any initial. Because, like, we kind of. You say you know me. We don't really know each other, but we've met. We don't know each other, but we met.

[B]

When you email, like every podcast I do now, I have to tell them why I'm saying yes to this one. And we met, I believe, at the Dublin Comedy Festival. And then I remember you because when I was in London for a week, I was at the loneliest week of my life. You were very nice to me. You came to a show and took me out for drinks with you, with a friend, with you. And you were the only person I, like, talked to for a week in London, because all the comedians were in Edinburgh and I had to do seven shows at the Soho Theater with no opener or anything. And I was like, so lonely. It was so hot. It was sweltering. And you were nice to me and I was like, I'm going to pay you back by being in a bunker with you for yes. Yeah. So I was. I remembered you. I remember the name. But we don't know each other. That's. That's correct. But I would be like, okay, she was cool in London.

[A]

I'll.

[B]

I'll get in the bunker with her.

[A]

That's very nice. And now we will get to know each other very well because we'll be in a bunker together for several, maybe many years. Okay.

[B]

This isn't a lifetime thing. It's just like, I. Let's see.

[A]

We don't know how long it'll take. It could be forever, it could be a few years, it could be six months. But let's aim for some years.

[B]

I pictured that movie. I think, oh, God, who's the guy? Who's the movie? Christopher Walken plays the dad. They get in a bunker in like the 50s. It's like a mom and dad and a kid and they think the world's ending. Brendan Fraser is the kid and Brendan Fraser gets out of the bunker as like a 30 year old man, not realizing nothing happened. And he's got. He's like, he's a 50s kid and he has to come into the 90s. I can't believe you haven't seen this and you've got a bunker podcast.

[A]

I can't believe I've not seen the bunker film. It was originally a little bit inspired by I who have Never Known Men. Jacqueline Hartman, the book.

[B]

I've heard the title before, but I've not read the book. But I just did read a book. I have a book club and we read a children's Bible, which is about the end of the world. And there's a lot of talk of bunkers. The billionaires have bunkers, but this is like a government sanctioned bunker. You're talking about that. It's been built for us. We're not like rich people who are watching the poor people die. We're just like, everyone's in the same situation. Yeah, okay.

[A]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

No one's dying.

[A]

Everyone. Well, some people might be dying, but only bad people die. I haven't worked out. We don't know, but we are assuming everyone's fine.

[B]

You just want to get in a bunker.

[A]

I really just want to be in the Bunker, Let me get to the bunker. Okay. And please, you're about to get in the bunker because you've just seen that you're sharing it with me. So you're very excited and you're running to the shuttle bus. And before you do that, you pack a bag with some stuff which we'll be talking about in the bonus episode for the special people who pay extra. But you get to the bunker and you enter the bunker and I'm there. I've arrived early and I say hello. And now we're about to start this, if nothing else, emotional journey together.

[B]

I mean, I can't believe I had to take a shuttle, a shuttle bus to the bunker. That seems like I don't trust this bunker now that I had to get in the shuttle with other people. People who getting dropped off at different bunkers along the way.

[A]

Yes, okay. But we can say you run, you run as fast as you can to the bunker. I just know you've had some back issues so maybe you, you'd prefer some kind of vehicle to take it there.

[B]

I mean everyone's got back issues. I would it depending on how heavy my bags are. I could run. But I might just like be happy to die. But I will, I will get in the bunker with you with my bags. I'm happy to play along.

[A]

The thing you need to know is that death is always an option. But I prefer for us to be alive together for a little bit more.

[B]

We're going to get into that. We're going to get into that for sure.

[A]

Do you think you'll be happy in a small confined space? What do you like to live with?

[B]

Live with. What needs do I have in the bunker? I enjoy my life where if it was a bunker situation, I would probably prefer to die. Anything. That's not the life I built for myself. And as a 47 year old man, I feel like I've done enough, I don't have kids that death would probably be preferable to the bunker. Although I do, I'm a big reader and I, I would enjoy the time to read. But I am a bad bunker mate. Like have you ever seen. Did you. I'm just, I like my space, I like my, I like my privacy, I like being alone, that being stuck with someone. And I again, my dog is not in the bunker with us

[A]

about the dogs because I have my dogs. So do you think our dogs will get along? Because then I think we can bring them my dog.

[B]

What kind of dog?

[A]

Do you have a shape.

[B]

Okay, I've got a It's like a rescue. It was a. It's an Akita mix. And I've been told that he will kill. He can't have. He can't have a brother or sister. He'll kill them. My dog is cool. Like if you. If we were walking our dogs and they met. My dog is friendly. But if they're like a dog park, if they go to share the same water bowl, I believe your dog will die. And again, I haven't tested this theory, but he's not a. If I'm bringing Rummy, my dog, into the bunker, you're probably not getting in the bunker. So let's pretend that Rummy's out of this or that he's been there long enough and he's used to you, and you guys are cool because Rummy's a sweet boy. He's a good boy. He just needs some time to warm up. And how big is this bunker? Does Rummy have room?

[A]

They don't have a lot of room, but I do think they have enough that they're not miserable, I think.

[B]

Is it a studio bunker or is there another room?

[A]

I think we have, like, a kitchen, living room, dining room shared. Like, that's one big room. Then I believe we have a bedroom that is, unfortunately, as it is now. Bunker beds. Right. Unfortunately, that's not. That's out of my control.

[B]

Like a top bunk and a lower bunk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I feel like we're crafty people, so we could probably do something and, like, have some kind of sleep schedule so we have the room separate times. I think we can work that out so we get our alone time, because otherwise that is a bit too intense.

[B]

Yeah. I love when someone puts me on a sleep schedule, but we don't have enough privacy. We are seeing each other naked on the regular.

[A]

We really don't have to.

[B]

We're going to. What's the point of being in a bunker? And so we're kind of like on the International Space Station in a way where there's, like, there's no real privacy. We can. We can turn our backs or whatever, but we're. We're in this.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, there's a bathroom with a door.

[B]

I mean, that's good. I mean, I'm gonna leave that door open whenever I use it, but you can do what you want.

[A]

No, we can have an open door policy.

[B]

Great.

[A]

So we don't know that nothing's going on that we don't know about. I think that's fair.

[B]

And you're excited to be in this bunker. You seem, like, really pumped about this change of circumstances.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I'm quite excited to be there with you. I think that's interesting. I think you're an interesting person. I think there's a lot I can ask you about until you get very tired of all of my questions. But I also think, I think you're good to live with because you don't seem to need people. So I think I could say to you, shut up. Get out of my face. I need peace. And you'll be like, thank you, thank God. And then we both have peace for a bit.

[B]

When you told me the concept and again, you tricked me into this, you were like, would you do my podcast? And I was like, yes. You were nice to me. And then you were like, Then you started getting. The news started getting worse as we got closer to the podcast date that I wonder how our relationship would go in the bunker. If I ran into you at a party, we would have a very pleasant conversation. If I ran into you on vacation, would we hang out? Like, if we're at the same resort, like, maybe, but if we're stuck in a bunker, like, I might flat out kill you. It might be a murder suicide situation, depending on how long we're in there and your level of comfort with annoying me. I grew up with sisters. I can handle a lot. But you seem like you've been looking forward to this bunker situation your entire life, and that might be dangerous for you.

[A]

How would you kill me?

[B]

Strangulation. For. I mean, I. Without, like, that's just in my head. I assume it would be like, I snap. I'm not planning your death. It's not premeditated. It's just like, I can't be in the bunker with you anymore. You gots to go. And I've never strangled anyone to death or just like, regularly. So I don't know. But that's how I see it. In my head is, oh, I'm in this bunker. It's suffocating. I'm gonna strangle something.

[A]

I don't think you could finish it because, like, I would finish. It would be. You'd have to look into my bulging eyes and I'd be too scared and cute and you couldn't do it. I don't think you could do it.

[B]

I think if I banged your head, if I was like, I've got you on the floor. I'm banging your head against the wall, maybe I. But again, this isn't like how I say hello. This is like, you have worn me down with your questions and your comments. You're mad at me for leaving the bathroom door open while I use it and eventually I snap. Yeah, well, it's an immediate thing.

[A]

I feel like I would know that as the questions progressed. I feel like I would know. Okay, I feel like I have two questions left and he will kill me. And I think I will feel that it will be worth

[B]

Depends also on how helpless we feel. Like if you're asking me questions like, this is the rest of our life and I've been waiting my whole life to get in this bunker and spend the rest of my life in this bunker. Or if we're like, hey, this is going to open up again soon, but again, I enjoy my life, I would like to get back to it. But you seem like you could live in the bunker forever. You would prefer a bunker life.

[A]

It feels simple. It feels nice. There's no wifi down there. There's no social media. We do have a lot of books. We just don't know what they are until we get there. But I feel like once we get there, it's most of them are really good. So we could do a lot of reading books. There's a lot of albums and movies. Like, I know you've chosen specific ones to bring, but that's because we don't know what's in there. So I feel like, imagine all the movies we could watch.

[B]

I'm happy to not have WI fi. That sounds like a blessing. Lack of social media. But there's no Kindle. So it's like whatever books are in there, we have, but we don't. Like, if I have a Kindle loaded with things I could read forever. Are we reading the same book at the same time? Is it like a little book club?

[A]

We could, but here's an even better idea. When we run out of books, we each write one and then we read each other's books. That's at least a year or two of our lives.

[B]

That sounds like such hell. Like a writing workshop that never ends and you only get one person's opinion that I'm writing for. Am I writing my own book and you are just reading it or am I writing for you?

[A]

No, you're writing your own book. You don't pander to the audience. That's not like you write your own unfiltered thoughts, hopefully a little bit filtered.

[B]

But if we're never getting out of this bunker, then it is really just for an audience of one that I might tailor. That sounds less fun, like writing a book For Sophie, for like entertainment purposes versus like writing my novel. And again during the pandemic, I shut down creatively completely that there was no. I don't think I even read that much. I was just like trying to make the time go by. But I think I would handle the bunker better maybe.

[A]

Yeah, because you'd had that experience.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

My museum, as you so often refer

[B]

to me, my muses corpse in the corner, turning bluer every day.

[A]

Would you write. I'm sure you've been asked this as part of your book club a lot. You're so into books. Like, are you. Would you write a novel or a non fiction or a memoir?

[B]

The memoir. No way. I think comedian memoirs are. And there are some great ones, but I just see a lot of my friends do them and they go out of print immediately and it's like embarrassing my issue. I think a lot of people, people's issue with writing a book is, or getting into art, you know, if you're, if you love music but you don't play, is that your taste level does not match your talent level. And I'm also spoiled as a comedian where if I write something I can try it out that night and get immediate feedback. Through my book club. I've become friends with a lot of authors and they always ask me, everyone loves to ask me, when are you going to write your novel? And now I tell those authors, like, wouldn't you trade places with me if you could? Like, you're like toiling in obscurity and then the book comes out and you hate the book tour. I kind of get to do a, I get to do a reading of my book wherever I go, get immediate feedback. I'm better paid. And they're like, yeah, but I kind of would trade places with you. Take your life that I would love to write a novel one day, but, but again my, my taste level I think is, is very high and my talent level, there'll be a big learning curve to write a novel that I was proud of. Then maybe one day I'm like, I'm just going to bang one out and whatever comes, comes. But I think I'd just be too precious that I would like to one day. It's on the bucket list. But I'm on tour again and I feel like each special, each hour I do is kind of like a novel and I'm just spoiled as a comedian.

[A]

So you're not playing around with ideas for things where you go, oh, that could be a, that's a story I

[B]

want to tell I think all the time, but then I get bored of the story, you know, that I, that I'll be like, oh, that would be cool to do this. And then I'm like, I get sick of it. Whereas again, my jokes are so short that I can just have a bunch of different ideas. And if the joke works great and I fit it in. But if I'm like, oh, it's. I like revenge stories. I like a kind of crime noir, but I just, if I think of an idea, it's been done a million times, what makes it better. And I'm. Sometimes I'd think I should just pick, pick a lane and just go and just get it done. That's, that's the hardest part of writing a book. I read a lot of books and I rarely criticize books because I've never written one. So I'm like, you know, I just, I'm. I think that it's such an accomplishment to write one that I'm envious of people who have done it. I've never finished a screenplay. You know, I've, I've, I've. I've never gotten past like two pages. So it's hard for me to criticize someone's screenplay. I'm in awe of people who do that. You know, where people think public speaking seems so hard, I'm like, it's easy. You just kind of get through it. Whereas sitting down and writing a novel, you know, and getting feedback at the end, it's like, how do you know you're on the right track? You know, writing a novel is very, very difficult. I know you've written a book, but it wasn't on a novel. Correct. It was a. Well, I think you write your.

[A]

But it's not a big deal. There were, there were. That's not.

[B]

I think of them as one. I think of them as one, you know, story. I know, because you read them so

[A]

close to each other that it was

[B]

like reading one book. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

That was non fiction. And it's not what I would do now. I'm happy I wrote them. But what I think speaks to you as an artist about writing is that it's so detail focused like you would read, because that's what your jokes are. So, like, every word is perfect. And I feel like, wouldn't you love to sit with a novel and then just look at every single sentence and like you can toy around with it so much.

[B]

I understand that and I think maybe I would get into it if I were writing one. But I always just love even When I'm like reading, I'm like, I'm like a punchline guy. So it's like I love the ends of chapters, you know, I really like. It's like the last sentence where they kind of like it leaves you somewhere. Like that really interests me. Where it's like the middle parts are what bore me, you know, like the kind of the character building and setting, setting the time and place. I just, that I leave that out of my act as a stand up, where it's like the short jokes that I almost leave that out of my art. I think it would be a fun challenge to do, but it's not something I look forward to. And I think even writers, successful novelists, do not enjoy writing their novels. They do it and they suffer through it. But again, I'm just spoiled. As a comedian. I used to say I would write a novel if I broke my leg and I just couldn't, you know, go out and do stand up. But during the pandemic, the last thing I wanted to do was work on a novel. I think it's just a frustrating process, but one that I would like to do one day and just make myself, you know, stop complaining and just do it.

[A]

Well, I think you'd be grateful for the time in the bunker. We're back in the bunker. What do you think? Based on what we now know about each other, what would our first big fight be about? What's the thing that ticks you off about other people the most?

[B]

Your enthusiasm for being in the bunker would make me. Would send me off a cliff right away. You would just be. I would be like, oh my God, the world's ending and you are thrilled about this. And that would upset me. Your chipperness to be in your. If that's a word, being in the bunker would certainly annoy me. But again, it'll depend. Do we have air conditioning in the bunker? You know, if it's hot. If it's hot, everyone's dead. But if it's comfortable and nice. Do we have art in the bunker?

[A]

Actually, we do. And we have really good art because they had to put all the art from the museums in all the bunkers. So we've got some really good ones.

[B]

That's great news for you. That will improve my mood immensely. If I don't have my dog and I don't have responsibility, I can just kind of hang out. Then I think that it's easier. If I'm worried about my dog, then I'm. Then I'm stressed out. But this Seems like a stress free bunker that you have provided for us, but you're also seeing it for the first time, correct?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or have you been able to prepare the bunker? Okay.

[A]

I mean, I've been there for a few minutes, so I've, you know, I've. I've made it as nice as I could with the, with what we. I believe we have like a little storage room with some stuff so we could, you know, there's some cushions and some. We choose some of the art so like we've. We can personalize it a little bit, I think. I mean it's easy for me now because I've obviously already made the bunker in the Sims, so I kind of have a visual of it because I needed that for prep is research.

[B]

I've never, I've never, I've never simmed. I've never played the Sims, if you can believe that. But I believe it's a big part

[A]

of your life in a way you have because I've. I made you in the Sims and me. And so I have little fun visuals of us in the bunker, which I think is only something you'll enjoy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Are there any particularities about you that if we were to live together that I would need to know? Like, do you have any like, rules? Any like, weirdnesses where you just have these. If this doesn't happen, I'm gonna freak out.

[B]

No, I do again, I do like alone time. I like quiet time. I'm an earplug guy. Like I will just put like being on an airplane, I put in earplugs right away so people can't really annoy me. If you were like, I want quiet time. I'm gonna go off here and I can put my earplugs in so I can't. I can't hear anything. Even like background noise. I'm gonna be okay. Loud noises will annoy me. If you play the same song over and over again, like that will annoy me. But. But yeah, it's mostly sound based. Are my. Are my like troubles. And if you're. But otherwise I think I'd be okay. But again, I need my space. I'm 47. I like my. In the college I would got along with my dorm mate, but I could not do that again. But as long as I have my earplugs, I think, I think you're safe. If I can like turn to enjoy a piece of art with earplugs in and read my book, I think that will be for the most part our day to Day is a separate time. If you want to watch a movie together at night and discuss the movie, I could probably be into that. Are you a drinker?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. See, I don't. I'm sober now, so that, like, if you were getting up, I would probably lose it on you. I get. I get annoyed around drunk people, but we're. We're sober. We're just hanging. I think maybe we can make it work.

[A]

And food. Will you be cooking? Are you good at cooking?

[B]

I am not good at cooking. That I. I enjoy food, but I feel like my. I would lose my appetite in the bunker, that I would be more worried about nutrition and about, like, deliciousness. And I feel like the smells in the bunker would bother me. You know, I think you're in the bunker, so you're not. You can't smell yourself. Like, I'm not going to get mad about, you know, maybe if it's body odor situation, I'd be like, you got it. You've got to shower more, Sophie. I could see that. But I also think if we're in the bunker together, we can't smell each other even. It's like we're on like a. One of those reality shows where everything gets used to it, but if the air gets stale, that will really annoy me and put me on edge. So I'm not worried about what we're cooking so much as the. That we're. That we're eating. You know, I think it'll be a lot of simple. A lot of simple things. Like what would. What are you cooking in the bunker?

[A]

Oh, I feel like I agree with the nutrition. Are you one of the people who, where if you could just take a pill and it was everything you needed for the day and then you never had to cook or eat food, that you would prefer that because that's me. I would love that.

[B]

My best friend is like that. I enjoy going to dinner. I enjoy eating food, but I don't make time to eat. A lot of times I'm in a bad mood and I realize I'm hangry, as they say in America. I don't know if you know the term, but I would take the pill just to avoid that. I'll munch on protein bars throughout the day just to make sure I don't get angry because I'll forget to eat. But I do enjoy sitting down to dinner. I do enjoy food. I'm just not good at making it.

[A]

Are you good at conflict? Like, because it sounds like you are good at, like, I would assume you're good at setting boundaries and saying what you want and saying if something annoys you. Is that true? Are you good at that?

[B]

Pretty. I think if we're stuck in a bunker, like, I can just remove myself from the situation, you know, I'm not a hangout guy. You won't see me at a lot of parties in la. I love to get invited to things. Say yes for the sake of social interaction and then just not go. That's a big thing for me. But I'm also. I do not suffer fools. I am polite, but I. If you are, like, if you're doing TikTok dances, I will tell you to shut up pretty, pretty quickly. But I think I'm not the worst person to be in a bunker with. But I think you might be

[A]

that. I think we have a lot in common. I think we have a lot of the same interests. And I think you're the first person in the world to ever call me chipper. So I feel like that's probably something that will fade away quite quickly.

[B]

What's the bunker like? This is. You are. This is the best thing that's ever happened to you. And I am, like, enduring it. But I do think the more we. The more we talk, the more I think we would get along, the more I think you would live. Did you ever watch. Did you watch Game of Thrones?

[A]

I did not. I can't do dragons, okay?

[B]

This is. There was. There was a scene where they punish a guy. It's like a guy who goes against the dragon girl and they lock him in his own vault. That's how they kill him with his mistress. And he's, like, kind of calmly accepting his fate. But she's screaming, and I'm like, oh, as soon as that door locks, he's killing her. You know, I mean, it's like, I can. I know I'm going to die in this vault. I'm going to suffocate and starve. But she's screaming her head off. Like, she would have to die. That if you were to chipper, it would be like you screaming.

[A]

I see that. I do understand that. I think I would. I think I'd chill out a bit. I think I like when new fun things happen and that. Wow. We get to decorate. We get to decide the rules. I get to get to know another person. But then, you know, it'll become normal. And then I will be less happy about it.

[B]

If you tried to give me, like, if you're like, it's game night. Like, I've planned This, like, I'd let you decorate. I will let you do the decorating. I will let you choose the meals. You know, for the most part, I'd like to have a say in things. I would like some variety, but I think. I think smells would be the enemy and sounds would be the enemy. That I think that's up to you of to how annoyed I get in the bunker.

[A]

You know, that's a lot of responsibility. One of the things we could talk about, which is also incredibly relevant, because if we don't know what's happened in the outside world, it could be any kind of disaster. And you have previously talked about how when you were younger, you were quite into the Challenger explosion and learning about that and you've been quite intrigued by certain disasters. So we could talk about disasters. What's your favorite disaster?

[B]

I've never heard anyone describe it as I was really into the Challenger, a disaster. I was just like 7 years old when it happened, so it seemed fascinating. I was. I was watching it live, actually, when it happened. What was my favorite disaster? I don't know if I have, like, a favorite. I mean, they're all great, you know, 911 was a big one for me. Challenger disaster. You know what my favorite disaster was? I. I got the answer. And everyone loved this. Everyone loved. It was the. The Titanic submarine. When the billionaires went down in the Titanic and. Excuse me, and all died. I am fascinated. When there's a tragedy. Not. I guess tragedy is the wrong word, but when someone dies and people are unabashedly happy about it, like Osama bin Laden being killed, everyone was thrilled. But also Queen Elizabeth, like, enough people were celebrating that. That it truly made me happy because it's just a crazy thing like. Like the Irish, the Scottish were really happy when she died. That I just. I find when Margaret Thatcher died, it's like you're celebrating a death. And that's funny. But these guys from the Titanic, no one felt bad for them at all. And I thought that was great. It was just this, like, joyous celebration of these, like, six people, one, like, dying. And actually not a bad way to die. I think if our bunker just collapses immediately on us, like, we're happy we didn't, like, slowly suffocate. But that was a tragedy. And I think you'd call it a tragedy, but one that was easily avoidable and no one felt bad for them. And that amazes me is the public reaction being like, fuck you is very funny to me.

[A]

I agree. I like that one because it's part of my favorite genre of disaster, which is companies do horrible things because of money, and then people die, and we see how horrible it is to do things just for money.

[B]

Yep, absolutely. I mean, every disaster movie, I feel like it's like there's someone that has cut the corners, you know, for money, and now we're paying the price for our hubris. That the. Yeah, like, I. I would be happier in a bunker that wasn't, like, a billionaire bunker. You know, more of a, we're going to get through this than a, we've got all the amenities, we've been preparing, and it's a fun bunker.

[A]

You know, I don't think they would describe our bunker as fun. They would describe it as, oh, when they find it afterwards, they'd be like, oh, wow, two good friends must have lived here and had a. Had a nice time. But I don't think anyone ever had fun.

[B]

It's like the end of Passengers, where people land on the spaceship, and Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence have, like, decorated the bunker with art and lived a life. They see a joyous existence. I can't believe that you're happy to be in this bunker with me. I think if you pulled the world, most people would not want to be in a bunker with me for a long period of time, and the people who would want to would worry me.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, my biggest concern with all of this is that I don't. If you look at, like, my. My followers or my fans, my people who like my stuff and yours, like, I don't think it's a Venn diagram that ever really touches, and I think. But I just. I think it would be so. I think you're interesting, and I think you're very smart, and I think there's something about meeting, like, an opposite of yourself. And I don't mean that I'm not smart. Shut up. But I mean that you. You. Your conservatism with words. I think I could learn a lot from that, because I will ramble on and say unnecessary things all the time, and I feel like I could just. I could expand and grow as a person.

[B]

But. Yeah, but you rambling on, I assume, is part of your charm. I. I assume that that's part of the reason your fans enjoy your work. Is you just rambling that? I think if you were too much like me, that you would lose some fans and I wouldn't want to change you. You know, I would just want to enjoy the Sophie Hagan experience and not be like, you know, shorten it up, keep it brief. It might be. It might be like a week before we. I'm just like, we need to stop talking to each other all together. Leave me alone with my book.

[A]

That would be hard for me. I feel like it would be very hard if you were mad at me. I'd be really. That would be tricky for me. I think I get more annoying if you're mad at me.

[B]

Okay. I mean, I. I don't see why I would get mad at you. It depends on how much you. Again, a game night will make me lose it. If you insist on playing. Teaching me a card game and playing the card game like that would certainly annoy me. No, I could, I could, you know, I could do a board game, but just a two person board game. I think then you're getting into dangerous territory. I could see that getting annoying. But I would honestly be happier about sharing a bunker with just you than if there was a third or a fourth person, you know, or like a bunch of people. It's like, I think we're safer because it's just the two of us. But again, you seem like there's a lot going on behind the eyes. You ha. You are excited to be in this bunker and I would worry about your level of enthusiasm.

[A]

I'm excited because it's a confined space. It's like, it's like a safe. It's. It's a safe space. Nothing is going to happen that's unpredictable. And there's no outside world. There's no people you have to like, there's only one person you have to think about. And I. I know you well enough. I know enough about you. Like, if you were a stranger that I'd never ever heard of, and if I had garbage man Jeff, whatever the guy you mentioned before, I would be very anxious and it would not be fun. But I think I feel safe with you. And I feel safe in the. I can see all the walls around me and I don't have to go out and meet people and do social things.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

That is exciting. That's nice.

[B]

But then you've got me, like, you've got that one pair of eyes that I'd be like, what's Sophie thinking? Like, do you think you don't think your anxiety would ramp up being. Maybe not the first day because you know me, but as we go on, like, what's he thinking? Does he hate me? That's not something that would bother you.

[A]

Yes. But then I would ask you, as well as I hope that if you were ever thinking, what's what am I thinking? You would ask me and then we would have a lovely conversation about what we were each thinking. And we would learn so much about each other and ourselves.

[B]

I mean, I have issues with time. I, I don't have a good concept of time. I don't know if that's a, a medical thing or a personality thing, but like, I just feel like time would feel like it wasn't moving and I would maybe go insane. I think I'd go insane probably pretty quickly. Like I would have to have a. If we. Do we have a clock? Do we have a calendar? Do we know what day it is or are we just. Yeah, I think so.

[A]

I think we do. I think it's important to know because otherwise when, when would we know how to celebrate Christmas and when to celebrate Easter?

[B]

I mean, Christmas is a year round thing for me. Easter is also a year round thing. I'm often celebrating this both at the same time and then any other religious Jesus type holiday, you know, the day Jesus got his driver's license, I celebrate that.

[A]

17th.

[B]

Yeah, you nailed it. You know it. So, yeah, we could, we could do. All right. What's Christmas like for us? Like, are we making each other gifts or are we just kind of.

[A]

Yeah, I think that's when we do the, the novels. I think that's when we've written something for the other person to enjoy. Okay, you could just write a poem. You could write me a poem. If you insist.

[B]

It's like a European comedian thing where you have to have a new hour every year, even if it's not funny. That's kind of what you guys do. Tell me about your dad dying. I'll never forget hearing that and being like, it's shocking to me that people are getting ready for Edinburgh and being like, I just need 10 more minutes. And I'm like, 10 more funny minutes. And they're like, no, just. I just need to talk that. So if we have to do. If we have like a mission where we've got to write a novel in a year and then present it to each other for Christmas, I think that helps us. I think that would help me have, have deadlines, you know?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I like homework. I think we, I think we would thrive.

[B]

You like homework? Are you trying to give me, Are you like, give me updates? Are you like, let me read your latest chapter or do you leave me alone?

[A]

I think you, as an artist, you would need to tell me what you would need as an artist. So if you would want feedback as we go. Sure. But if you just want to do it and then eventually show it to me, that's also fine. I feel like that's a personal choice.

[B]

Okay. I don't feel like I'm really going to be interested in your feedback. I think I would. My gift to you is I will let you read this, but I do not want your notes. You know, I'd be interested to hear what you had to say, but I. A big part of making art for me, I always enjoy feedback, but I am very prepared to ignore it. You know, like I. And there maybe you say something that I'm like, oh, you're right. Thank you, Sophie. But if I'm like, oh, I like this, I don't care. You know, I'm just. I'm okay with that too. I like polarizing art, so I don't need to. Obviously, I'm not a people pleaser, and I enjoy art that, like, people hate. If someone's like, oh, I hated something, that makes me almost more intrigued. If a movie gets really bad reviews, I'm like, I want to see it now. You know, I. The I. If everything. If people. Everyone loves something, I'm like, ah, I don't know. I don't know if I want to that into that, but are you going to make me read your novel as we go, or do I just read it at the end?

[A]

Oh, that would. That would make me very anxious. I'm very bad at sharing work that's ongoing because I feel like it's. It doesn't take a lot for me to go, okay, well then never mind. I guess I'll never look at this again.

[B]

Totally. I totally agree. Totally understand that, and that's preferable to me. But are you excited to show me on Christmas or are you scared to show me your novel on Christmas?

[A]

No, I think I'm scared to show you because it would be really horrible if you didn't like it. And then we have to continue living together in the bunker. Right. I am a bit more of a people pleaser in that aspect. Like, if you don't like it, I'm gonna go cry in our bunk beds.

[B]

I think she's gonna be doing a lot of crying in our bunker. I think when you even told me about the. The concept of this other. She's going to probably cry during the podcast at some point. Thinking about living in a bunker with me.

[A]

Tears of joy. They were tears of joy. If there was to be a third person, who would it be? Is there someone that you would allow into the bunker? And there won't be because it's so much fun with just us. But if there was a third person,

[B]

I would allow just about anyone. I welcome diversity. And I would be happy. I would be happy with, like, a random person. I think that would be fun. It doesn't have to be another comedian or entertainer. There's no famous person that I would miss and be like, oh, this would be great if we had Dennis Rodman in here. You know, I don't. I'd be happy with anyone. And it's an international bunker, so I would. I would be thrilled. I would be thrilled to welcome a third person for a little bit. So we're gonna get a visitor for half an hour. I'm into that.

[A]

And then we kill them.

[B]

No, they just leave. They leave the bunker. Or we get someone with, like, a terminal disease where they only have a half hour left of their life and they spend it with us. I think that would be fun because you get to see someone in their final moments, ask them questions. What regrets did you have? That would be a fun interview. If you had a podcast where you only interviewed people who were dying of a terminal disease and it was the last hour of their life, that would be fascinating. I would watch that podcast.

[A]

That's true. I. I would. How would you feel if it was a singer? Because I feel like it would be nice to have someone who could sing for us, but I feel like you have some auditory stuff happening, so maybe you wouldn't want that.

[B]

If someone comes in for half an hour to sing to us, maybe I can tolerate it, knowing there is a finite point. If we lived with the singer who was just walking around singing. They're dead.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. No, it would have to be. We would have to ask them what to sing. And when they can't just.

[B]

We do requests. They can't come up with their own songs. I've got to be like, I want to hear. Okay, then I'm. I don't know. Maybe I'd like it. Maybe we just have a hologram that comes up and things. I'm not a big music person. I could do without music. Yes. Really? I don't. I don't dislike music. I'm just not. And again, part of it's getting older, being out of touch. Like, I would be more. And when you see. When you see the album that I've chosen for myself, you will. You will think I'm insane, and I did it for insane reasons. But I would be. If classical music was always kind of playing in the background, I would be okay with that. But if you were like, I'm going through a Madonna phase right now, I would probably lose my mind pretty quickly.

[A]

If you. In the bunker, you. If you're. If you're having a really hard time, how. What would be the best way for someone to. Someone for me to comfort you and to make you feel better?

[B]

Leave me alone. You will hear a lot of deep sighs. You will hear a lot of like. Like a. Like a deep breath through my nose and know that you need to shut up and maybe go and lock yourself in the bathroom for a little while. Like, I am. I. I do not hide it very well when I'm annoyed. And I also. Sometimes I won't realize how annoyed I am, but I think I would try to do a lot of exercises. I would. I know myself well enough now that I would just, like, try to keep myself mentally healthy. I meditate, so that helps. I think I'd be doing, like, push ups, you know, and. And trying to. Trying to keep myself sane. But you would know if you annoyed me. You would know. And people say that I'm scary when I get annoyed, even though I think I'm. I'm pretty harmless, you know, But I'm also a. I'm not a. I'm not a venter. I'm not just. I'm not a venter where I'll just be complaining all the time. I will be silent, and then I will snap. And you're like, oh, you exploded out of nowhere. And it's like, no, I've been annoyed all day. I've just been able to like to keep it. Keep it bottled up, and now I'm exploding.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then I get it out and

[A]

I'm okay, yeah, we'll work on that. We'll work on your emotional processing and try and get that to be a bit better and healthier. Do you journal?

[B]

No, I do not. Out of. Out of. I don't understand how anyone journals out of sheer terror of someone seeing that journal. You know, I do not know what you get out of it that would not just blow up in your face. Like, I would just think, if anyone sees this, I am boned. And. And therefore, I would never. I would never journal. I would be happy to write, have creative writing time, but it would be fiction, and I do. I would never. I would never write my thoughts down. My thoughts or feelings down just out of sheer terror that someone would read it.

[A]

What's so bad about your thoughts and feelings?

[B]

Nothing. I just would not. I would never put them down. I Don't judge people for journaling. I just wouldn't want to be like, had a rough day, you know, not feeling great about whatever. Like, I don't see the value in it. Like, people who have a dream journal and write down their dreams, I've heard that's actually bad for you, that your brain is trying to like burn stuff off. And if you write it down and remember it, your brain isn't able to fully exercise those things that I think journaling is. Again, I'm not. No judgments. I don't. I understand why people do it. I would never. I would never.

[A]

That makes so much sense about the dreams. I like, I like knowing that. No, I'll take it because it's like something you, you have to. Your brain has already gotten rid of it and you don't need to hold on to it. Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

Your brain dreams for a reason. And if you write it, if you remember, remember it and write it down, then you are defeating the purpose of your brain dreaming.

[A]

So what do you think? I mean, there's a lot of meta layer of how well we don't know each other, but also we have a sense of who each other are. What do you think is a thing about you that would really surprise anyone who lived in a bunker with you for a while? What's the surprising thing about you?

[B]

Oh, I mean, you know me as the comedian Anthony Jeselnik. You don't know me at all as like a person. I think every. I think people would just be surprised that I'm not my stage Persona, that I am like a normal person. I don't know how normal I am because I've lived the life of a comedian for 25 years and, and have no other real skills. But I did grow up in like a big family and can get along. I think you'd be surprised at how normal I was and maybe not as being super dark all the time. I'm probably not trying to make you laugh very often. I think it would be more, let's survive this. And people would be surprised by that. But I don't know, I don't know how people, how surprised people would be that I would be unpleasant company. That. But yeah, people don't know me at all. So I think everything could be surprising.

[A]

Okay, so it's not like you have some kind of like, oh, and then I'm in my spare time, I'm furry or like, oh, I'm weirdly into aliens or like, there's no like completely out of the blue thing that would shock someone. No, I don't think it's shocking that you're nice. That and obviously I wouldn't find it shocking that you're not trying to make people laugh all the time.

[B]

No, you wouldn't. But I don't have some like weird, you know, obsession. I'm going to be reading a lot of books and if we're watching movies, it's because you want to watch a movie. I'm never going to be unless we get new movies on demand. I'm going to be. I'm going to want a lot of alone time. I don't know if that would surprise people that I want my alone time, but I, I value it. Even though I think I need to get out there more. I need more conversations. So for my own sanity, I would engage with you and be happy to talk. But you starting those conversations, for sure,

[A]

I will happily accept that and I will have pre prepared a list of all the many questions to ask you. And there would be many and you would love it. Now we're say we've been there for four years, then suddenly the new siren and it means we're, we're safe, we're free and we get to the top and do we keep in touch. Do you think we'll still talk after that?

[B]

I don't think. And this is not a knock on you. I don't think anyone keeps in touch. I don't think any of the bunker people. I think it's like a handshake and a hug. Maybe a hug, possibly a handshake, but. And again, it's not a knock, but I think it would be like a. We did it maybe in like 10 years time we see each other and have a coffee, but I don't think we keep it. I think we've had enough of each other too much as I. It's almost like when I have openers on the road. There are two camps. There's people that I never talk to again and there's people who I'm friends with for the rest of my life. But I would think four years in a bunker, we're not. We have, we've had our fill. We're okay.

[A]

Yeah, we should say maybe I owe

[B]

you a favor that you can. Maybe I would do your podcast again at some point. But. But no, I think, and not in a bad way of just like a. I'm cool with never seeing you or hearing from you again.

[A]

That's fair. And hey, I might feel the same way.

[B]

I would think. I would think everyone would like we, this was okay, we survived it, but we're good now.

[A]

Yeah. I mean what I do think would happen is the day after I text you and go oh I forgot to ask you this one thing and then that will for the rest of my

[B]

life you have been blocked for sure.

[A]

That's fair. You know what? That's fair. Would you like to plug. This is it. Thank you. Would you like to plug some of your stuff for all of my listeners who would love to go and see you.

[B]

What is what who are your listeners? Like is this a, is this. I assume are you international? Are you?

[A]

Yes, it's pretty global but they're mostly anxious, bisexual, non binary people.

[B]

Great. You're gonna love me. I'm on tour in America right now. If you're in america go to anthonyjeselnik.com and I will be doing an international tour at some point. I like to get. I, I think more than most Americans. I do a lot of international dates. Especially on my last tour I was all over the place and I'd like to keep doing that but the bigger thing I will plug you know go to go see me, see me live. But I've got a book club now. Jessel MC Love that I'm very into our book for, for the month of July is I just announced today is Savages by Don Winslow. If you've ever read that it's a, it's a fucked up sexy action thriller but like well written and propulsive. They made a movie that was terrible but I'm just trying to get people to read books and I like literature more than non fiction so I'm trying to pick books that are short 250, 300 pages and are propulsive read usually with a cool ending. So you got to. It makes you want to finish the book and then I do a YouTube video talking about and answering questions at the end of the month. So it's a very non pressure book club where, where you. I'm not checking your work. There's no like you don't have to come on the mic and talk about the book. You can read it or not. You can just watch the videos and see if you want to read the book. But I'm very into Justin McBook Club. Go to my website and enter your email address or just go to my YouTube channel and you can watch the videos. There's no, I'm not making any money this, I'm not putting any pressure on people. I just truly like to promote the art the act of reading. People get mad when I say the art of reading. But I believe it is an art if you get good at it and you become a real reader. But those are the two things that I will, I will plug.

[A]

It's a really good book club. I did the first three and then I've been posed by other books. But it's really nice to have someone choose a book for you and it's also nice that it doesn't have it's not a live thing where you've missed it. Like I can still read the books and then just watch the videos, which is really lovely. So I also highly recommend that.

[B]

Exactly. Thank you. Thank you. I'm glad you're. I'm glad you're part of it.

[A]

And now we're gonna jump to the bonus episode. So for all of the people subscribing to Patreon and Substack, you can jump there and listen to that, which is what you have packed for the bunker.