Helen Bauer - I'm going to be worried in general for a bit

Summary

Sofieland with Sofie Hagen

Episode: Helen Bauer – "I'm going to be worried in general for a bit"
Date: February 10, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this delightful and candid episode of Sofieland, Sofie Hagen welcomes stand-up comedian Helen Bauer for a humorous and heartfelt discussion. They explore ideas of personal anxieties, self-acceptance, odd life hacks, the quirks of touring as comedians, and their mutual fascinations with imaginary worlds, food, and daydreaming. Together, they build a playful, fantasy society—Sofieland—envisioning laws and government roles, and indulge in deep dives into sandwich and ice cream preferences, all while weaving in personal reflections about mental health, creativity, and performance.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Defining Sofieland: Dictatorship or Delight?

[01:11-03:36]

• Sofie introduces the conceit of Sofieland as a benevolent dictatorship:

  “It’s my… Like, I’m the dictator, right? And I dictate.” (A, 01:11)

• Helen teases her about being a philosopher ruler and questions why it can’t just be leadership, sparking early banter about identity and control in imagined worlds.
• They jokingly equate Sofieland’s governance to “personal socialism,” playfully considering what happens when you try to be a socialist alone.

Anxiety, Worry, and Trust

[02:18-03:48]

• Sofie gently tells Helen she should “just let things be,” recognizing Helen’s tendency to overthink or try to control outcomes.

  “You need to enjoy my life a little bit more… take my foot off the gas a little bit, but I need to calm the fuck down.” (B, 03:08)

• Helen admits it's hard to stop worrying, sharing a humorous anecdote about worrying on the train about “my jeans are a bit tight around my vagina.”

  “I was worried the denim was going to fuse my lips.” (B, 03:55)

• They riff on the absurdity of certain thoughts, blending vulnerability with comedy.

Eccentricities & Practical Solutions

[05:04-06:28]

• Helen reveals she never changes at her local swimming pool; instead, she wears her swimsuit home under a coat, even in winter:

  “I just go in a coat over a swimming costume and then I walk home…” (B, 05:08)

• Sofie is inspired by this unconventional but practical routine.

Building the Government of Sofieland

[06:37-10:04]

• Sofie offers Helen a place in the “government” and asks what law she would enact. Helen’s proposal:

  “My dream… was that fountains had fruit juice in them. Specifically Five Alive fruit juice from the 90s.” (B, 07:03)

• They riff about restrictions, fairness, and lanyards for VIP access, landing on the socialist ideal of enough for everyone.

  “We’ll have enough because this is socialism.” (A, 07:48)

• Helen adds:

  “In the summer, as a law, maybe as well, there could always be a slightly light breeze.” (B, 09:02)

• The fantasy extends to utopian weather and post-climate-change harmony, powered by “solar… and wind turbines.” (A, 09:30)

Jokes that Didn’t Work & Onstage Vulnerability

[10:04-11:55]

• Helen shares a joke she dropped from her set—about adopting or fostering angry girls and turning every room into a rage room:

  “I want to take in a bunch of really angry, prepubescent girls… and every room’s a rage room.” (B, 10:32)

• Discussion of how some material, especially sincere or vulnerable ideas, can be “too beautiful” or offbeat for her audience.

Orphanages, Childhood Fantasies, and Emotional Reset

[12:07-13:37]

• Both reminisce about childhood daydreams involving orphanages and the fantasy of being adopted for a fresh start.

  “The idea of, like, being abandoned, and then you go to this, and you’re just mad at everything.” (A, 12:21)

• They view such imaginings as universal, not just trauma, and bond over this narrative trope in children’s books.

Hot Chocolate, Touring, and Denmark

[13:44-17:27]

• Hot chocolate nostalgia:

  “To me… they taste like a leisure center hot chocolate.” (B, 13:54)

• Helen recommends York Cocoa Works for an especially good hot chocolate, blending British and Danish cultural references.
• Touring as a comic is discussed, including the joy and stress of life on the road, and performing very personal material about binge eating disorder.

Touring Tips, Podcasting, and Boundaries

[18:00-22:24]

• Helen talks touring survival mechanisms: audiobooks, good tour support, and singalongs to Phantom of the Opera.

  “But I also think I’m in a nice space, like, mentally this year… Everything’s easier.” (B, 18:08)

• Sofie and Helen reflect on balancing gigs versus rest days and the art of saying “no.”

Fan Interactions, Gifts, and Emotional Labor

[21:24-23:12]

• Helen describes the irony of fans bringing chocolate after her show about binge eating disorder. The gesture is touching but awkward.
• Both appreciate the privilege of connecting with audiences, but acknowledge the toll of constant travel and performance.

Creative Fantasies: Sandwich Shops and Ice Cream Obsessions

[27:46-39:08]

• Helen shares her go-to daydream: working in a sandwich shop and making custom sandwiches for friends:

  “My favorite one at the moment, I pretend that I’m working in a sandwich shop… and, like, I make people sandwiches.” (B, 27:55)

• The pair design Sofie’s ideal sandwich—after detours involving white fish and ham, they land on roast beef, chimichurri, focaccia, pesto, and more.
• They shift to fantasizing about running ice cream shops and rival philosophies: cone versus cup, and what constitutes the perfect flavor combo.

  “Pistachio with chocolate chips… That’s my favorite flavor. That’s the one I order, like, everywhere.” (B, 35:51)

Setting Boundaries, Self-Compassion, and Licorice Ice Cream

[40:03-40:37]

• Helen draws the line at licorice ice cream during a hypothetical trip to Iceland:

  “I like myself enough to not have to do that as a scoop.” (B, 40:18)

• Sofie applauds this healthy boundary, noting their personal growth.

Talking Versus Doing in Daydreams

[40:47-43:47]

• Sofie reveals her daydreams often include giving acceptance speeches and being interviewed; Helen prefers action-oriented fantasies.
• Sofie recounts preparing for a real talk show by rehearsing as if she were already a guest since childhood, which eventually paid off.

  “I have practiced being on a talk show since I was, like, 12 years old.” (A, 42:29)

Stationery & Stickers: The Final Question

[45:03-45:13]

• Sofie’s “emergency question”: passionate opinions about stationary.
• Helen’s closing wisdom:

  “I genuinely believe that stickers are for all ages.” (B, 45:06)

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Memorable Quotes

• Sofie, on control: “I like to think of it as like, I know what’s best for people and they… and they can leave if they don’t like it, but I think they like it.” (A, 01:44)
• Helen, on anxiety: “I’m gonna be worried in general about things.” (B, 03:36)
• Helen, on odd routines: “I just go in a coat over a swimming costume and then I walk home with just a coat and a swimming costume.” (B, 05:08)
• Helen, about daydream jobs: “My favorite one at the moment, I pretend that I’m working in a sandwich shop… and, like, I make people sandwiches.” (B, 27:55)
• Helen, on setting boundaries (re: licorice ice cream): “I like myself enough to not have to do that as a scoop.” (B, 40:18)
• Sofie, on stickers: “Do you have any passionate opinions about stationary?” (A, 45:03)
  Helen: “I genuinely believe that stickers are for all ages.” (B, 45:06)

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Selected Timestamps for Important Segments

• 01:11-03:06 – Opening: Sofieland and the philosophy of benevolent dictatorship
• 03:36-04:36 – Helen’s anxiety about jeans/dressing situations
• 06:38-08:20 – Helen proposes fruit juice fountains for all
• 10:13-11:15 – Jokes about fostering angry girls and audience reception
• 13:44-14:38 – Hot chocolate nostalgia, leisure center memories
• 15:22-17:14 – Helen describes her tour, performing personal material
• 18:00-18:58 – Touring survival tips: audiobooks, musical singalongs
• 27:55-29:30 – Helen’s sandwich shop daydream and custom order for Sofie
• 35:51-38:06 – Ice cream flavor philosophies, cup vs. cone, pistachio plus chocolate chips
• 40:18-40:37 – Setting boundaries: saying no to licorice ice cream
• 42:16-42:33 – Sofie’s practiced talk show prowess leads to a real booking
• 45:03-45:06 – Stationary opinions: “Stickers are for all ages.”

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Episode Tone & Takeaway

As with all Sofieland episodes, the conversation is honest, irreverent, and inviting. Topics are approached with a blend of therapy-level introspection and silly, surreal humor. Helen and Sofie let listeners in on their quirks, insecurities, nostalgic cravings, and creative fantasies, all while gently affirming the value of setting boundaries and embracing eccentricity. This episode is a warm invitation to accept oneself—worried, weird, and all.

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For more bonus content and show updates, Sofie encourages listeners to check out her Patreon or Substack, or visit her website for tour dates.

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Transcript

[A]

Dear citizens of Sophie Land, I will let you listen to the episode in approximately 60 seconds. But first I just want to let you know that my brand new show, I think some of this is my fault, will be going to the Edinburgh Fringe this August. And then in November I'm taking it to Soho Theater in London. Then it's going on tour to Denmark, Copenhagen, Unser and Aarhus, Sweden, Melmurg and Stockholm. Then I'm going to Berlin. I'm going to Rotterdam. The UK dates have just come out which are Leicester, Sheffield, Selby, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Aberdeen, Birmingham, Manchester, Liverpool, Reading, Brighton, Cambridge, London and Exeter. Tickets can be found on sophie hagen.com link is in the show notes alongside the link for the Patreon or the substack. Because this podcast is self produced, meaning I do all of the stuff. I do the editing, the uploading, the booking of the guests, the interviews, every single effing thing. So your support means the whole world to me. So if you sign up for the Patreon or the substack, you will get extra fun bonus content and you get to support me. I really appreciate it. I really love you. Thank you so much for listening. Please enjoy this episode. Thank you. I. Okay, so the first question. Welcome back this week.

[B]

Welcome back to this week.

[A]

My first question. So the. The sort of broad theme of this podcast is that you're in my. It's Sophie Land. Yeah, shut up. Yes, I know there's a shop called Sofa Land. It's not the same and I need people to start pointing that out because I've already got the domain. You're in my. It's my. Like, I'm the dictator. Right. And I. And I dictate. Could just.

[B]

Why do you not just be the leader?

[A]

But that's. I'm also the leader, but it's a dictatorship because I don't. It's. Yeah, I like to think of it.

[B]

You're a philosopher ruler.

[A]

Yeah, I like to think of it as like, I know what's best for people and they. And they can leave if they don't like it, but I think they like it.

[B]

Do you know what's best for me?

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[B]

Oh, okay. Okay. Genuinely? Of course, I would be a bit curious.

[A]

No, but just, you know, socialism. Oh.

[B]

For me individually, just me being a socialist by myself, that's awful.

[A]

I don't think socialism works when it's just one person.

[B]

No, I don't think so either, but that's how I felt like you were telling me. It's like we'll be doing Our thing. And then you can be a socialist, I think.

[A]

Okay, so, like, on a personal. Yeah, I think.

[B]

Oh, we're doing. We're doing it now.

[A]

I think you need to let things be. I think.

[B]

You piece of shit.

[A]

Instead of, like, seeking and, like, almost like. Because I feel like you're afraid that if you. Like, if you don't reach out and try and grab it, it won't come to you.

[B]

I hate you so much right now. I hate. So, yeah, okay. Obviously that made a lot of sense to me, but obviously I didn't want to hear it and didn't enjoy hearing it. And I would have expected you to pick up on a facial expression earlier.

[A]

No, no, I picked up on it.

[B]

I don't know if you did.

[A]

I know I did.

[B]

Okay. But you continued to go anyway. Tell it.

[A]

You were so uncomfortable throughout the horrible dict data. That's because I believe it would come to you.

[B]

I think I do need to just be, like, a bit more chill and I think. But I. I think.

[A]

I didn't say more chill.

[B]

No, but, like, okay.

[A]

It's trust, isn't it?

[B]

You need to enjoy my life a little bit more. I think I need to, like, take my foot off the gas a little

[A]

bit, but I need to calm the down.

[B]

I agree. I think I need to do that. I need to just sort of go, like, it's all good.

[A]

It's going to come to you.

[B]

It's all good. And you don't have to.

[A]

They will love you. You don't have to make them love you.

[B]

Yeah. Don't worry so much about what you're not doing and worry about what you are doing, Don.

[A]

Worry at all, maybe.

[B]

Okay, well, that's chaos. That's okay.

[A]

Just have a nice time.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

I love.

[B]

I love the liberal stuff. I'm into it all, but, like, at the end of the day, there's a level of hippie which just makes me want to go like. Right. That's just. Well, I'm gonna be worried in general about things.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's hard not to. That's fine.

[B]

I was worried on the train this morning about my jeans are a bit tight around my vagina.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

The way I was sitting. But I was quite wedged in for a bit, so it's very tricky. I was worried the denim was going to fus my lips.

[A]

Can denim do that or is it an irrational thought?

[B]

I had a chance to Google it, but it made me very.

[A]

You don't want to sit next to someone on a Train who suddenly starts

[B]

googling because the denim confused my vaginal lips.

[A]

How to tell?

[B]

All I know is when I stood up, I was trying to walk to the bathroom and I was like. I couldn't pull on it, obviously, because the whole carriage would see me. And also, who knows if I'd pull the lip off because I don't know

[A]

if I'm feeling this point.

[B]

As I was walking, it was hurting as it was coming apart.

[A]

Yeah. Denim is not. That's not nice, is it?

[B]

Not on the list.

[A]

So of course, you. In that one, in that situation, you have to worry.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Yeah. But maybe if you had just let it be, it would have. You would never have to buy new trousers.

[B]

Because I think, Helen, one lip.

[A]

Yeah. What we already call you. So, like, what's the

[B]

way. Who started that? That's awful.

[A]

Someone from your local swimming pool. Yeah, that. That.

[B]

I think I am a thing in my local swimming pool now because I don't get changed.

[A]

What?

[B]

I just go in a coat over a swimming costume and then I walk home with just a coat and a swimming costume.

[A]

Even in the winter. Yeah.

[B]

Because I don't wanna. I don't like.

[A]

No, I love that. I like this.

[B]

I hate the. Trying to take a swimsuit off and drying and putting on clothes. You want them to be clean.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they smell of Chlo Green. And then you've got all this washing to do.

[A]

Yeah. So do you not put it physically uncomfortable on top of the swimming costume?

[B]

No, I just like bare legs costume. I wrap the towel around me and then coat on top, and then I walk home.

[A]

That's genius.

[B]

And sliders. Yeah, it is genius. And, yeah. I mean, you don't have to wet for like a minute.

[A]

Yeah. Because you live very nearby. Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough.

[B]

A minute or two.

[A]

Fair enough.

[B]

And then I'm home and I can shower in my own flat.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Probably pick that, I reckon. Yeah. No, socks in a wet changing room is one of the worst things a person can experience.

[A]

Yeah. No, 100%.

[B]

And I'm including a lot of big things in that.

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm 100 agreeing with you and I'm. You've just changed my life a little bit.

[B]

You're very welcome.

[A]

Because I think that's. I mean, I. I have a car now. I can drive now. Took my driver's license. So I can just get into the car.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All soaked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then just go home just for the towel on. Who gives her.

[B]

I'm gonna be such an eccentric freak when I'm older.

[A]

You are already.

[B]

Right now I'm a nice, normal girl.

[A]

Yes. Wearing a bathing suit outside in the winter.

[B]

Nice, normal girl.

[A]

But the question is.

[B]

Oh yeah, no, we're doing questions.

[A]

Of course you're in this. You're in my land. Right. I decide. But. And I've. I've now accepted you as like a citizen of the land if you want. If you ever wanted to be. But I also would love for you to be part of the government. And if you were to be part of the government, what would be a law that you would just get to. To impose on my people?

[B]

Oh man. I want to see something really proper. But my dream when I was younger was that fountains had fruit juice in them.

[A]

Oh, so are there anywhere. Is that a thing?

[B]

Yeah, like, like water fountains, but with like specifically Five Alive fruit juice from the 90s and. But maybe that's. Maybe I've got an opportunity to do something really good here and I should eat.

[A]

I think that is doing something. Really? Yeah, but I think what tastes. What, what the. What flavor?

[B]

Five different fruits, but it just tastes like sugar, sadly.

[A]

Oh, so it's like a mix. It's like fruit. Yeah, just like the concept of fruit.

[B]

The concept of like yellow and orange fruits. I like this, I'd say would be

[A]

the V. You can pass that 100%.

[B]

Thank you so much.

[A]

Can we have several so people can have like a choice or should it. Does it have to be.

[B]

I think so. I kind of want just specifically me and a couple of my friends to have access to it. Cuz I'd be worried about the queue if I'm honest.

[A]

But we'll have enough because this is socialism.

[B]

Okay. So there'll be as long as one for everyone then. I guess I'll be okay with that.

[A]

That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll make sure. Or you can get like a special pass, like a lanyard and then you

[B]

can always use the lanyard. It'll be a whole thing. Let's just make sure there's enough, if that's okay. I'm very sorry for saying that was a really nice suggestion.

[A]

That's absolutely fine.

[B]

It's just, it's just, it's.

[A]

You get you one of those hats where there's like a little like can and then the straw that goes down to your mouth. So you can just always have it.

[B]

I've never used one of those, you know.

[A]

No, but you will.

[B]

Okay, thank you. I actually like living here now. Thank you for having me.

[A]

I'm glad.

[B]

Did we vote for you or you just took over?

[A]

No, no, that's okay. I started my own place. People just came because they liked it.

[B]

How many citizens do you have?

[A]

We'll see.

[B]

We'll see how many so far.

[A]

We haven't really opened the gates yet. We're hoping for a good number of listeners. Whoopsie. I meant citizens to the land.

[B]

Oh, I get it. It's a metaphor for a podcast.

[A]

I don't know. I. I haven't thought that far.

[B]

Okay, I thought about it now.

[A]

Okay. No, I like that. Yeah.

[B]

Very nice.

[A]

Just a nice place to be with nice people and nice people on the government doing nice things.

[B]

Very nice. Yes.

[A]

This is all very nice. This is really nice.

[B]

In the summer, as a law, maybe as well. There could always be a slightly light breeze. I just struggle when it's, like, boiling hot and it's just, like, beating down on me. Whereas I love it when it's warm and I'm walking around. But, like, not a breeze that you have to, like, feel that you have to hold things down or like, yes, like your hair, but, like, just a little breez think. Just being consistent, I think would just be very nice for me.

[A]

Yes, that's true. I like that. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's because there's also no climate change. So it's just going to be. Stop it. No, we fix that.

[B]

Can I ask how?

[A]

Sun. Solar. Solar. Solar.

[B]

You correct.

[A]

I think the wind thingy is the one that.

[B]

The wind turbines.

[A]

The wind turbines. Something about that I think fixed it. I think that was what we did. I don't remember. Because the thing about my dictatorship is I just get people who know things and then they figure it out, and then I let them do that. Get experts in, like, how I'm the

[B]

expert of the fountains.

[A]

You get to be the fountain expert of the government.

[B]

I guess I'll have. I guess I'll have a squash fountain as well. Thank you.

[A]

That's it. We can definitely make that happen.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

What was the latest joke that you had to give up on because you couldn't make it work?

[B]

Oh, my God. Just finished my tour, and I have been taking things out as I've been going along. I had a bit. I had a bit.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I was talking about, like, just the general concept of, like, fostering and adopting because it's something I want to do. But then when you say that to people that are sort of like, oh, no, like, you don't want to do that because you won't know what you're gonna Get. And it's like, well, if I have a kid, I know what I'm gonna get, so, like, I'd rather fucking gamble it. And then I sort of, like, had this little play out, which I was like, why? How. When you really think about how your life is going to go, what I honestly think is going to happen, because I do really want to make a family, but I'm not. Not, like, crazy fast about how I make it. I was like, I want to take in a bunch of really angry, prepubescent girls with, like, hand on heart. That's how I see it going. And they're all just going to, like, run in and be like, my mom's a fucking bitch. And I'll be like, mine, too. Like, what? You want to. You want to eat your feelings? Yeah. And every room's a rage room. But no one saw that for me in the audience, and no one liked it. And I was like, I genuinely think that's how it's gonna go.

[A]

That's so nice. Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm gonna love. I'm gonna love those girls.

[A]

I would watch that show. I would read that book.

[B]

They're gonna hate me. They don't know because they hate themselves.

[A]

But then you would grab a chair and you would turn it around, and then you would sit with, like, the. The back of the chair between your legs, and you'd go, listen, kids, I don't care if you hate me. Just know I'll always be there for you, no matter how much you hate me. And they'll be like, yeah, you. But then you can tell that they begin to be, like, softer around you.

[B]

Like, yeah, come to me with a problem randomly.

[A]

But you're gonna leave, and then you're gonna be like, try me, because I will never leave. And then eventually you'll fix them. I can see this. I'm. I'm. I'm into this.

[B]

Yeah. But that was a bit that people just didn't want to hear about. Maybe because it was too beautiful. Now I'm realizing that might have been the problem.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You're too good of a person.

[B]

I just think I'd have, like. I just. That might be what I'm meant to do.

[A]

Like a girl's home or something.

[B]

Just, I. I don't really care about that. It's, like, really angry.

[A]

I fantasized so much when I was a child about orphanages. Oh, all the books I read.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Loved it. The idea of, like, being abandoned, and then you go to this, and you're just mad at everything. And I need musical was never into that one. But I read. I read a book called Voices from the Attic or something, which is about this girl who was just, like, really mad at the world and then she went to live with these, like, really angry, like, women who ran this orphanage. It was incredible.

[B]

I love the.

[A]

The.

[B]

The, like the willing on of being adopted when you're younger, but also the, like, oh, my God. Just like, let's start again. Just have the only option to start again even when you're like 8 or 7.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, yeah, I think everyone to die so I can start again.

[A]

I it the first seven.

[B]

And like, like out of this town as well. Like, let me start fresh. Yeah. And I've already. It. Yeah, you're seven, but 100 of your life to that point. You're like, well, I kind of have.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, man, that pressure and that stress take me in.

[A]

Who's just like. Who just thinks I'm the best because they don't know me yet.

[B]

Oh, my goodness. Isn't that devastating?

[A]

Oh, it's definitely some trauma in that somewhere.

[B]

No, I don't think so. I think just every kid wants that. I think every kid wants that. Apologies to the listener. I am now opening a bottle of water for hydration. Just nice to say to people.

[A]

No, that's nice. No, I like that.

[B]

Despite what you've heard about Sophie Land, There are no fountains.

[A]

There are no fountains yet. We're working on it.

[B]

It's a lie.

[A]

We're working on it. This is the best hotel ever. They had, like, had it now, of course. Hot chocolate. Satchels.

[B]

Sachets.

[A]

Sachets. That was the word.

[B]

Stop it. The ones you mix hot water into. They. To me, I don't know whether this is a reference you had in Denmark. They taste like a leisure center. Hot chocolate.

[A]

Is that a good thing? Is that like a nostalgic? Nostalgic thing?

[B]

It's that taste of like. It's like. It's not a machine, but it's a cafe that has a machine.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And you just press the button and it's quite watery.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it doesn't matter because.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know, the cup is coming in is quite like. Yeah, I love that.

[A]

Yes, it's perfect. Well, it's like cheap chocolate is better than expensive chocolate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it's good and it's more of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's so milky and, like, grainy and it's like the whiter it is, the better. Like the white layer of old on top of it is so good.

[B]

You touring this year in the UK? No, not next year.

[A]

No. Oh, maybe 27, if I can ever do again. Yeah.

[B]

Try and like say this to you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So you remember this?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The York Cocoa Works.

[A]

York Cocoa Works.

[B]

Run by the nicest woman in the world.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they do proper hot chuckies and they do like different percentages of like dark and white all the way up and different flavors. And I just think. I think you'd have a really nice.

[A]

Is this a shop?

[B]

Yeah. Oh, it's a shop.

[A]

Because you said work, so that sounded like a factory.

[B]

You can also see them doing like workshops as well as like demonstrations and things too.

[A]

And it's in York.

[B]

It's in York. But I just think, like, no, you could go there and like, give yourself a nice treat.

[A]

I need to do that. That sounds amazing.

[B]

Very welcome.

[A]

Also, I have this vision in my head that when I tour next, I'm going to be really happy and energetic and I'm just going to be like, I'll wake up at like 8am I'll be like, what do I do with my day today? And I'll just go out and experience things before the show.

[B]

You do seem really happy.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like maybe in two years I'll be non exhausted.

[B]

Wait, was your last tour one of those ones? Then when you were like, were you feeling down? Was it?

[A]

I just get so stressed from traveling and living in a suitcase and having to go from place to place and I. I just get two in my head and then all of a sudden it's 4pm and I'm just still in bed and. But I think now I could be sen. I could get up and I could have my morning coffee. I could do my morning pages. I could go for a little walk, have a little breakfast, go to the chocolate fountain or whatever the place you said was. Yeah, but I'm imagining it's a chocolate fountain. Non stop chocolate. I had a hot chocolate in Italy once that was like firm. It was like a dessert. You had to eat it with a spoon. That was incredible.

[B]

Do you think about it often?

[A]

All the time.

[B]

What's the Danish hot chocolate game? Feels like it would be good, but I don't know.

[A]

It's good. We're a coffee nation, so we're mostly into the coffees. But I've had some good hot chocolates in Denmark. It's like winter now. It's ugh.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Oh, it's the best.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

And you're not gonna do a show In Denmark.

[B]

I did one for my last tour.

[A]

You know, why not this one?

[B]

This one. I wanted to not do as long of a talk. This is my first ever show where I've been very personal and I just needed.

[A]

Have I seen this one?

[B]

Bring my invisible child on stage.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

She's on stage. It's about binge eating disorders.

[A]

I don't know. I haven't seen it. I want to see it.

[B]

It's just a personal show. So I just didn't want to, like, I was just. It's hard to work out Right. When you're writing it. But also enough people have. Yourself included, actually, who've spoken about, like, doing a show where you're sharing something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just. It's incredibly empowering.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Some nights. And some nights it can feel a bit like you've opened your arm in front of people. So, like, it's. It was like. It's the biggest tour I' done as far as, like, seats available.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I've done less dates.

[A]

Fair enough. That makes sense. Are you filming it?

[B]

I'm going to film it next spring. I think I just need to decide what I'm doing next year. But, yeah, I want to film it. I just. Yeah, I decided to do less with it.

[A]

Great. Yeah, that's fine. You can do that. Do you have any. So when you tour, do you have any? Like, what. Like your survival mechanisms? Like, what do you. Is there something you have to bring? Do you have to stay in specific hotels? What are, like, your travel sort of touring? How do you get through it? What are your.

[B]

I mean, this tour was the best as far as, like, really enjoying it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I also think I'm in a nice space, like, mentally this year.

[A]

Yeah, that helps.

[B]

Everything's easier to call in survival. Honestly, it sounds so boring. But a really good book. I like to have an audiobook and podcasts for the road journeys outside of London. I don't drive, but this is the first time I've been like, you know what? Fuck it. And getting a tour support that can drive. Because I always was like, they don't have to drive because I never drove. And I always thought that was someone fun.

[A]

No, it turns out they're better.

[B]

Yeah, they're so great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I did quite a few journeys from where I live in South London to different gigs, and we listened to an audiobook together in different podcasts and we sang lots of musical theater songs.

[A]

Oh, great.

[B]

Which way Small.

[A]

Which ones?

[B]

A lot of Phantom. And when I say A lot. I mean, from the beginning to the end. At least twice.

[A]

The sequel as well.

[B]

No, not Love Never Dies.

[A]

You're not into Love Never Dies?

[B]

I just think it just doesn't work enough. And I can't visualize.

[A]

No. But some of the voices, though, because it's still Romain Karimlu who does it.

[B]

Your ear, your choice.

[A]

Yeah, no, I'm just.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Devil Takes the Hindmost. It's, like, the best. It's. It's. It's when Raul and the Phantom, they go, like, face to face. There we go. And it is. It's. I mean, it's a musical, let's be honest. Right. Okay.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

It's just so funny. And they're, like, bickering, right? Singing, bickering.

[B]

Like the confrontation from.

[A]

Yes, exactly. Exactly. And then he's like, we have a child. And then Phantom goes, oh, do you. Oh, you've heard the child's voice. Do you not think it sounds a bit like me? And then Raul is like, what? You're lying. It's so good. It's so dramatic.

[B]

Can you remind me of this when I'm leaving so I can listen to it the way I have it?

[A]

You have to listen to it. You think you have to. It's so good.

[B]

But this is your. You don't even need tips on touring. Then you know how to do it. You just have the good musical theater album.

[A]

That is true. But I was also very blessed. Like, my tour support was Daniel Fox, who, like, writes musicals, like, and sings as well. Like, it was very. Okay, sorry, go on. So Phantom.

[B]

But that's it. I think it's just having someone that's really lush with you as well as being, like. I know there were some days where I really overdid it, where I'd, like, go see, like, four museums and then go do my show.

[A]

Oh, my God. Okay, fair enough.

[B]

But only, like.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I think the main. The only surviving thing for touring, I can say it, but I don't actually practice it myself because I think it also depends so much on how your financial situation is. And I should have said no to more this year, which is if you're touring, you don't have to do gigs in between.

[A]

Yeah. You should do nothing else.

[B]

You should try and, like, allow that to be your main thing, because it's very easy. Or, like. Or at least all my friends that I know you're on tour and you're like, okay, well, because the show's already written and I'm just doing that. And that every Evening.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I can take on all of this during the days.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like, oh, no, no, that's enough.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, the touring can be enough. Because then I would do that. If someone asked me to do a gig, if I was free that night, I'd say 100%, yes.

[A]

Oh, that's.

[B]

But then also, like you, I also do a podcast. Right. And that has to be a priority. Yeah.

[A]

And that's how.

[B]

Yeah. So I think it's a case of being like, it's both harder and easier than you think it's going to be touring.

[A]

Yeah. It's exhausting. Do you stay? Do you speak with your people afterwards, like, your audiences?

[B]

I do this show. I haven't, like, I don't do that thing where you go like, oh, I'm going to be hanging around at the end. But I walk out the venue, of course, and I say, hello, if anyone's there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, very few people bring me gifties because I asked people to bring me gifties. And yeah, it's very funny. After this show, talking about binge eating disorder and people bringing me chocolate. Very sweet.

[A]

Do they then give it to you as, like, a bit nervously. So sorry. A little bit.

[B]

They're, like, shaking, going like. And I'm like, it's. Yeah, it's okay.

[A]

Don't worry.

[B]

It's okay. Yeah. And if it's not, I'm gonna give it to the bar staff as soon as we're done. I think. I think we'll have to do that. But it's so nice. Yeah. I'm also so glad to be done. If you asked me this a week ago, I'd have been like, it's awful.

[A]

No, it's exhausting. Well, but that's the thing. That's why we need little things that can make it, like, so. Because it is also a privilege and it's so wonderful and it's, oh, my God, we can do this. But we just need to make sure that our brain has, like, the capacity to.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

Believe it true.

[B]

I said it was a privilege Yesterday to Chris MacArthur Boyd, another comic, and he went, is it, though? Yeah. Okay. The way he says. The hour on stage is, of course, being on stage with the people who have bought tickets who want to see you and are being very supportive, particularly with a show that's personal, when they're loving on you. And, like, I mean, this show, I will have stopped doing it and hopefully filmed it there. But if not, I, like, I go on stage and bring on my eight year Old inner child. Normally she's invisible, but I like, like, chat with her during the show. Like a little like new spits together. It's like when people are loving on her at the end as well. It's incredibly special.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's healing.

[B]

But that's only an hour and 20 minutes or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. And the rest of it is hours and hours on a train.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or hours and hours.

[A]

I think it's all about the nervous system. Right. Because if you have a completely calm nervous system, you. You're not stressed out about work, you're not, you're not stressed out about anything. And you're just like in a really good place. You've had your, your, your breakfast, you've had your, you know, you're in the zone.

[B]

You've had our yogurts, like we talked about yogurts week.

[A]

And then. And we have the. And our whole like, system is calm. Then you can enjoy. Oh, my God, I'm on a train. I'm looking out the window. I'm listening to my favorite Parker. But as soon as you're in your head being like, I haven't slept enough. I'm so stressed. I'm so sorry. Oh, God. Now the trains aren't running.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then you can enjoy it. And then it becomes really hard work.

[B]

You just have to be prepped, don't you? You have to go like, okay, I need to be at this. So this morning my train was just after 7am oh. But I was like, but it's. But yeah. I could be like, oh. Or it's like, okay, well, I need to get to the station early.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I need to buy breakfast and a cup of tea. And before I'd be like, well, I need coffee because it's fasting in the morning and it's like, it's okay. You don't have to actually wake up until 9:30.

[A]

You're doing so well.

[B]

You can get on the train and be there for like two hours before you wake up.

[A]

How did you prep emotionally for having your inner child on stage?

[B]

I don't know if I did. Yeah. I don't know. Okay.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

I mean, I talked to my therapist about it and obviously I rehearsed it a bit, but I didn't get to because I got. Basically I had my gallbladder removed. But it was like a very complicated thing with me. But then I didn't get to like, work in progress. It that much.

[A]

Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it, got it.

[B]

So instead I just sort of, like, the show became a little bit more, like, theatrical because I'd have to just, like, rehearse it by myself at home.

[A]

But she's cool with it?

[B]

No, obviously not.

[A]

She doesn't want to be on stage?

[B]

No, no, she's happy to be on stage. She just thinks the whole thing's embarrassing. But I just.

[A]

That's fine. She can be embarrassed.

[B]

She. I. I'd be embarrassed.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's kidding. Adult. You giving away all your biggest secrets in front of people for attention.

[A]

Have you ever seen, like, children do stand up these, like, Comedy Club for Kids things. Stop it.

[B]

Never. Never heard of that.

[A]

It's. It's the most endearing thing of all time sometimes. And then sometimes it's like, oh, wow, your dad really wanted to be a comedian. Did he? And then he's told you to say these things that you don't clearly don't really know what me. What it means. And your dad is in the front row looking a bit upset for some reason because he's kind of wishing it was him. Like, sometimes it's creepy. Sometimes it's really creepy.

[B]

Okay. I thought it was just gonna be.

[A]

But then the ones where they're, you know. But there are some where they're cute, and then it's amazing. And then you kind of also hate that a little bit because. Jesus. What. How are you? I had started. I would. Oh, it'd be so good right now.

[B]

How old were you when you started? You are. You are really. I'm not. You've done a couple of those. You are really good right now.

[A]

So 22.

[B]

That is an age that a lot of people would have loved to have started at.

[A]

Yeah, that is true.

[B]

For sure. I started 24, and I would have loved to have started earlier.

[A]

I saw a standup show in Denmark. Yeah. She was 17.

[B]

Amazing.

[A]

She did stand up since she was 14, and she did her first show at the age of 17. She was incredible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I. Unreal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With, like, the confidence. Incredible of someone. A confidence I still don't have on stage. Amazing. Amazing.

[B]

Incredible.

[A]

It's so unfair. It's a bit on. It's not.

[B]

Or is it really cool that there are people who are able to be raised to have that level of confidence? That's awesome.

[A]

It was a whole show about how the older generation sucked and like.

[B]

Yeah, awesome. Yeah, awesome.

[A]

I was like, I'm fine to be read like this. This is fine. Yeah.

[B]

Obviously.

[A]

Tell me. I'm.

[B]

If there's a generation that comes along that doesn't judge the previous Generation. We've gone wrong.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you've always got to be going forward.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I really want people to look at me and judge me when I'm older. So I'll be like, okay, great. We've got even better.

[A]

Yeah. You're like. They're gonna be like, you're so privileged. And you'll.

[B]

So.

[A]

You have no idea. Unless you're puzzling in your conservatory.

[B]

You think I'm gonna get a conservatory by then?

[A]

I think we both need to. I really. It's all I want. I don't even care about the rest of the house or the flat. I could live in a shed as long as a part of it had glass. A glass ceiling. That's all I want. Artist the rain. That's all I want.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've had a couple of good trains on this tour with the rain outside. Oh, and I do.

[A]

Do you daydream? Yeah. What do you do? What are your daydreams?

[B]

My favorite one at the moment, I pretend that I'm working in a sandwich shop.

[A]

And.

[B]

And, like, I make people sandwiches.

[A]

No, no, I understand what it. I know. I understand what it means.

[B]

And that's it.

[A]

You had that. What. What's the story? I'm. I'm not following.

[B]

Sometimes I design things. I'll be like, this is my. One of my favorite things to think about. So I'll be like, I want to think about what it. I used to think a lot about if I won the lottery, how I would tell people in my life and what I would do for them.

[A]

See, that I get.

[B]

And then I would. Then I used to design a high street. I'd be like, oh, my God, if I was in charge of a town, like, how would it look? And where would people sit? And, like, all of that sort of a thing. What shops? That would be. Yeah, it's sort of like playing Sims or, like, Animal Crossing in my head.

[A]

I love that. Oh, so it's more about the sandwiches. It's like figuring out which sandwiches would be good. I understand that.

[B]

I make for, like, friends. They just came in and were like, oh, my God. I use sandwich.

[A]

Oh. So in your head you go like, this friend, Catherine Bohad. What would I make for Catherine? Yes. Ah, that's amazing. Yeah. What would you make for me? What sandwich would you make for me?

[B]

Okay, obviously, I see on Instagram that you like these specific Danish sandwiches somewhere near the train station. Is that right?

[A]

Oh. Oh, yeah. They're good. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And it's an open sandwich no, that was a close one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because it's like open sandwich is like rye bread with toppings. But like I'm talking about like a sandwich.

[B]

Look into my eyes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Focaccia.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's warm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's got rock salt on top.

[A]

Ooh. Okay.

[B]

Okay, I've opened it. It's pillowy and there's a little bit of steam. Ooh.

[A]

Okay. Yes.

[B]

I honestly don't quite know where I'm going as far as butter or olive oil. I'm gonna go for garlic. Olive oil.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. So it's all infused in together and actually gonna drizzle on both sides of that.

[A]

Great. Yes.

[B]

So we're just gonna do olive oil. Cause it's olive oil on the other side of it as well. We're not doing butter. Sundried tomatoes.

[A]

O good one. Okay, great.

[B]

Yeah. Layer of pesto. Not with tomatoes obviously. We're going to put some non salty things in the middle cuz I think otherwise it's going to be a bit too much.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Let's do some fresh leaves. Let's do rocket. I reckon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I honestly do not know meat wise or. Do you want white fish? Do you want some white fish?

[A]

Oh my God. That was a wait.

[B]

Do you want whitefish?

[A]

Why would you say that? What's that?

[B]

What?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Like, like a fish fingery sandwich thing? I feel like I might be getting

[A]

to make with pesto and gas.

[B]

Yeah, no, okay, you're right, actually I went there. I took a wrong turn. I would love to make some ham for you now.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I mean now everything will look obviously

[B]

now you hate me. Me?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, how about roast? Roast. Roast beef.

[A]

Yes. Here we go.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, roast beef with the pasta. Actually, let's go to the pasta. Put chimichurri.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. And then that's it. We're put that together and cut it.

[A]

No cheese.

[B]

No cheese. Oh, do you want cheese? Yeah, you can have some cheddar.

[A]

Oh my God. That's the saddest thing I've ever sandwich

[B]

you're going to make for me. Okay, well like you just ruined my favorite daydream now. Of course.

[A]

So say it. Say it again.

[B]

Because in my daydream.

[A]

Oh people, I don't have you looking

[B]

at me this like with actual like.

[A]

No, you haven't let me play that. Okay. I'm like, okay, thank you. And then I eat. I'm like, oh my God, Helen, how did you.

[B]

You don't even say anything. You're just Happy?

[A]

Oh, sorry.

[B]

That's perfect. And then you try and pay and I say don't worry about it.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, how much do I don't worry about it. Take the coins out of my pocket.

[B]

Don't worry about it.

[A]

Oh, Helen, are you sure?

[B]

And then I give you a big cuddle.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And then you go away.

[A]

Can I also have a cook as well?

[B]

Yes, of course. You can help yourself. From my fridge.

[A]

From the fountain.

[B]

From the fountain as well.

[A]

Oh, thank you.

[B]

I daydream about that.

[A]

That's so lovely. Next time could I have mozzarella in it and then like.

[B]

And you want it toasted? I guess then.

[A]

What?

[B]

You want it toasted?

[A]

Oh, not necessarily, but that would be, that would be fine.

[B]

You tell me. What your favorite sandwiches.

[A]

Brassola.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't know how to say that. I don't know. It's just like a type of meat and then, and then with mozzarella and pesto and sun dried tomatoes. Oh my God. I did actually quite most of it. Yeah, it was, it was the meat where you completely lost me.

[B]

But know why I said fish?

[A]

I don't know why.

[B]

You like fish a lot?

[A]

No, I do like fish, but not my. Well, salmon I guess would have been okay, but no, you want a white fish? Not in that. I think.

[B]

Okay, I messed up. I don't hate myself.

[A]

When I was a, a child, I made. I designed ice cream. It'd be like, how do you make the perfect ice cream? Like chocolate in the bottom and then like the layers.

[B]

Yeah. I designed a Kinder Bueno Cornetto. Yeah. Yeah. What was your perfect ice cream?

[A]

God, I don't remember. I think I've. All my ice cream philosophy has always been the more the better. So like the Ben and Jerry thing of just like as little of it as should be ice cream, more of it should just be like chocolate chips and like cookie dough caramel. Like the ice cream in itself is just like a thing that puts it all together.

[B]

I'm just wondering now whether you should run your own ice cream shop.

[A]

I do wonder if I should run.

[B]

I do think that's with the sandwich thing. I'm like, I think yeah, yeah, you'd

[A]

be good at it.

[B]

Your ice cream shop. Are you making the ice cream or are you with the people? Because you are you people person. You are a people person or anyone feels like one.

[A]

I'm good in business. I can be a good customer service person.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Yeah, but they have to be paid. I cannot deal with. I, I. It's the kind of shot where someone's rude. I just throw them out. I'm like, listen, I don't. I'm not here for the money. I'm here to have a nice place for nice people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you're not being nice, you can off.

[B]

And you'd say that?

[A]

I would say that. Cancel me. That's how I'd be.

[B]

And say that as well.

[A]

I would say that as well.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Most. Just a man.

[B]

Can I come in?

[A]

You're welcome. You're welcome.

[B]

Please. Can you design an ice cream?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm fully aware that I have no idea how your other episodes have gone, because this podc.

[A]

Exactly the same.

[B]

Exactly the same every time.

[A]

Exactly the same. Oh, your ice cream. I feel like you're on par. I feel you're on par with me. With the. You wouldn't just want, like, plain vanilla, Nothing else. Right. And now I need to figure out if you're a. What do you call those? Cup. Cup. A cone person. I think your cone own. Oh, good. I didn't want to say cup and then be disappointed. I know.

[B]

Say cup to someone because you feel like they're missing out on something.

[A]

Yes. The cup is the best one.

[B]

Find cup. Just easier to, like, walk and eat or sit down.

[A]

Yeah. And it doesn't, like, stop and have a coffee. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, the cone, you can't put it down. If you need to. It's just 100. It's just a bit much for me.

[A]

And you get whatever you get. The. The cup is bigger, like it is.

[B]

And also, you could. You can.

[A]

You have to have, like, a cup that's meant for, like, five, but then you get three in it.

[B]

It' make this a control issue, because I don't believe that all people are controlling when it comes to comedy. But, like, in a cone, you have to eat the flavor that's on the top. And then you have to, like. You have to, like. If I get a cup and I'm doing a couple of different flavors, I can dip around, like, and be like, okay, that's my favorite. That saves until the end.

[A]

What if that almost mixed with that one?

[B]

There's a variety of choice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And don't, don't, don't. Sorry. I'm gonna get really pissed off now. Don't write into Sophie. Or to me being like, oh, you know, you could get the cone on the side. You could have it on top like a hat.

[A]

What?

[B]

We know, and we don't give a fuck. This is the boring thing.

[A]

Don't say we've not sought this. True.

[B]

It's got a binge eating disorder. I don't have to. I don't have to eat an ice cream. Me. Sorry, I need to calm down.

[A]

No, no. This is the most righteous anger I've ever had. Really. I think. Are you a pistachio person?

[B]

That's my favorite flavor. That's the one I order, like, everywhere.

[A]

Pistachio with chocolate chips.

[B]

How the did you do that?

[A]

I do this. I do the. I can tell. Pistachio with chocolate chips is one of them. You're going to get three big bowls. Okay. Okay. Oh, my God. You're going to get. One Is pistachio with chocolate. I wonder if you.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

I would like to mix that with. And you might not like this, but I think you will like it. It's like. Like a citrusy, like, so bay mango. Is citrus. Mango sobet on its own? No, thank you. But with these other ones. Yes. Yeah. Like a. Like a.

[B]

With a bit of lime on top. No, like a mango sorbet with a bit of lime.

[A]

Yes. Sauce.

[B]

Yeah. But I do want that in a separate bowl.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I find citrus and cream.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just in general a bit tricky.

[A]

That's fine. We can do that.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And then my instinct is to say something like chocolate, but I feel like, is that. No, I don't. I wouldn't want that. Are you a cookie dough?

[B]

No. You're not a cookie, obviously. Like, I'm not against it.

[A]

You wouldn't kick it out of bed.

[B]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

You would never. You would never. You would never. I mean, this is so rogue. You would never go for licorice. No, no.

[B]

In an ice cream.

[A]

Yeah. Now you. I know. That was too rogue. That was too fast. Too fast.

[B]

Kind of offensive as well.

[A]

That's my white fish. That's my white fish. It's like, I'm so sorry, but it's just. If I had gotten it right, that

[B]

would have been the worst thing is I have such a specific flavor in mind.

[A]

Oh, that's. It's not like blueberry or something silly. No, no, no, no. What would you. Ferrero Rocher. Is it. Is it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

Like, the Ferrero Rocher, the Kinder Bueno ice creams. They do the Biscoff ice creams. And then there's one which, like, if you'd said, I would have lost my mind. Which is like, they, like, they keep doing these Piemonte hazelnut ice creams.

[A]

That sounds incredible.

[B]

And it's like, I swear, like, so many ice cream Shops, Shops. Just don't say hazelnut ice cream and say Pierremont.

[A]

Oh, okay, good. And then toppings. Are you all out on toppings? Are you?

[B]

I love. I love a hot sauce on a cold ice cream.

[A]

Okay, we can do that.

[B]

I love bits and bobs.

[A]

Yeah. I love a bit of sprinkles and colorful sprinkles. Nuts. Yeah, I really.

[B]

I'm a really big fan of nuts.

[A]

In Denmark, we have this thing called guff, which is like gifts but with a U. And it's like. It's like liquid meringue that is a bit strawberry. Like, it is unreal. And then you put like what we call a floba. Like a. Oh, is it a tea? The closest thing you have is like a tea cake, I think it's called. So it's like chocolate covered marshmallow into the bottom. Yes. So it's a version of that word. Slightly like it's thinner chocolate and a thinner biscuit. And then we put that on top of it. On top of the goof. On top of the ice cream.

[B]

Yeah, obviously I would very much.

[A]

Yeah, you're there.

[B]

Tell you what, I think I'd prefer instead of chocolate chips, like little pieces of chocolate cake.

[A]

Ooh, chocolate cake or chocolate brownie.

[B]

Brownie, actually. Cause a bit more of a bite to that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

I think I'd rather that than a plain chocolate chip.

[A]

Yeah. And then you get a proper spoon as well. Not those little plastic shitty ones where it ends up running down your arms, man. You understand? I understand. I get it.

[B]

We go to Italy now.

[A]

Do you want Iceland?

[B]

I'm just going home and watch.

[A]

I am doing a show tonight.

[B]

I'm watching Heretics.

[A]

But I think. I think all 80 people would completely understand if I cancel to go eat ice. I think they might, but I think we shouldn't go to Italy. We should go to. To Iceland. Because the. The ice cream shop where I went in Iceland had four different types of licorice ice cream.

[B]

Cream.

[A]

You don't have to have it. They also have other stuff.

[B]

Obviously. I'm gonna want to try it.

[A]

You're gonna want to try it. They also had rye bread ice cream.

[B]

What was that? I can't even.

[A]

It was okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It was okay. But the licorice is. I just love licorice and ice cream.

[B]

It just works.

[A]

It's incredible. But licorice is in my DNA.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. I'm willing. I'm obviously curious enough to try it, but I just don't Think I'd feel comfortable having a scoop of it, knowing that there are other options in the world.

[A]

That's f. That' that is fair. I will take that.

[B]

I guess what I'm saying is I like myself enough to not have to do that as a scoop.

[A]

That's nice. You have developed, you. You've evolved as a person. Helen, five years ago would have just had to swap it just to make

[B]

other people think I was different. Yeah.

[A]

This is where boundaries are good. You're setting a healthy boundary. You're refusing to do something you don't want to do.

[B]

I think it's very easy to set a healthy boundary when it's a hypothetical trip to Iceland we're taking in two hours. I don't think I really count.

[A]

Do you do speeches in your daydreams, do you not?

[B]

I don't think I talk full stop.

[A]

You never talk in your daydreams?

[B]

No.

[A]

You just.

[B]

Oh, I think I'm just sort of like doing things.

[A]

Create things. That's so interesting.

[B]

I'm just sort of like. Maybe I'm imagining telling people things.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[B]

But like, not. I don't. I can't hear myself, if that's what you mean.

[A]

I. I just can't. That's most of my daydream. Some kind of interview or, or, or

[B]

speech interview people in your day?

[A]

No, I'm being interviewed. In my day, I've done. Since I was a child, I would pretend to be interviewed.

[B]

That's really sweet.

[A]

Yeah. I was like, imagine if someone cared.

[B]

I think I know what you mean, actually. Like someone sort of like interviewing you because you've done something important.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And then you being like, oh, no, it's nobody big deal.

[A]

Do you remember that TV show quite a few years ago now called. It was called something like the late night show or something. It was where they had different hosts every week. I don't know if it was BBC Channel 4. Something, something.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you know how sometimes when they do these talk shows, they get comedians in to run through it and then they get real people on the real show? Yeah. So I was booked to do one of those run throughs where I had to pretend to be a guest and it. I have never been more prepared for anything in my life. I sat. I was like pretending to have a cup of coffee in my hand. Oh my God, like drinking from the mug, making jokes with like the audience.

[B]

That's really pure.

[A]

I did so well that they got me on the real show even though I was nowhere near famous enough because they were just like, this is amazing because. Because I have practiced being on a talk show since I was, like, 12 years old.

[B]

Holy fuck. That's incredible.

[A]

It was. It was my natural element.

[B]

Who were you interviewed by on the show?

[A]

Jason Manford.

[B]

Oh, very nice.

[A]

Yeah, he was very sweet.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I could do the whole thing. I could do the whole thing.

[B]

But is that, like, a happy space for you to, like, be in your head doing that?

[A]

Yeah, I think it's really fun, but I'm also sad. I would cut out questions from interviews and magazines, like, when they interview, like, boy bands or whatever, and then I would glue it into a notebook, and then I would write my answer as if they were asking me.

[B]

I actually really like that. I feel like it's crafting.

[A]

Yeah, it was. It was a little weird little scrapbook where I was like, I wish they asked some questions I could actually answer instead of watching your album about. I was like, I guess I have to figure out what your album is about.

[B]

Oh, my God. And what was your album about? Can I ask?

[A]

Was that, too probably about love? It was probably. This is my boy band era, so it's probably, like, a love thing.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm surprised you don't do a lot of talking in yours. I think it's all speeches. Acceptance speeches for awards you'll never win. Or, like, wedding speeches. Wedding speeches? No, no wedding speeches. But, like, you're not the one getting married, but it's like someone that you're in love with getting married with someone else, and then you have to do a speech, and then you have, like, a full breakdown during the speech because you end up being like, you know what? You know what? This. I love you. Okay. No. Oh, really?

[B]

I don't do that one.

[A]

That's so wild.

[B]

No, I think I would have. I mean, I don't have anyone at the moment that I feel that way about. But, like, I think if. Yeah. If it was someone who I loved and they had a different partner, I wouldn't even want to think about it. Because I'd be like, oh, that's upsetting.

[A]

Yeah, because. And then you'd cry on the train.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why are you. Why are you saying it's a bad thing?

[B]

It's a good thing?

[A]

Because then you're really dramatic and there's rain on the window.

[B]

Oh, I can make myself do that. Just listening to Go the Distance from Hercules soundtrack. Like, I don't need.

[A]

Have you seen the music ago? Yeah, me too. I saw it two days ago.

[B]

Isn't it fun.

[A]

It's so. Well, my friend is in it and he was amazing. He's your friend? Phil? Yeah. He's so good.

[B]

Yeah, he's really good.

[A]

He's so good.

[B]

I loved it. I thought it was so much fun. And I have waited so long for this musical.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I was this close to buying tickets to Hamburg to see Hercules. That's musical. Oh, thank God it was announced for here so I didn't have to.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Okay. Wow.

[A]

Thank you so much for being on my podcast.

[B]

S that. Did I do all the questions?

[A]

They're closer to being like emergency questions, but actually, yeah, you did quite a lot of them.

[B]

Thank you so much. Is there anything.

[A]

There's only actually one. Can I ask you this?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have any passionate opinions about stationary?

[B]

I genuinely believe that stickers are for all ages. Thank you very much for having me.

[A]

Thank you. Thank you so much for listening to that episode. If you want some sweet, sweet, sweet special extra bonus content, do go and sign up to Patreon or Substack and within the week you'll get an extra fun bonus episode. And there's so much fun. And there are so much. Did I mention fun? Go to Patreon or Substack. The links are in the show notes and I'll see you on tour. I'll be all over the place. The Amber Fringe, Soho Theta, Denmark, Sweden, Sweden, Germany, Netherlands and all over the uk and more dates will be announced soon. Please sign up for my newsletter. The link is also in the show notes. And just big thank you. Thank you for subscribing. Thank you for telling people about the podcast. It's completely self produced. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I love you very much and thank you for listening and I will speak to you again soon. Thank you so much. Bye. Here's the end jingle made by me.