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Brute force.
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If it doesn't work, you're just not using enough. You're listening to softweb Radio, Special operations nation's military news and straight talk with
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the guys in the community.
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B
Hey, what's going on? Welcome to Soft Rep Radio. I am your host, Rad, and I am super excited today to be talking with my next guest. But first, before I introduce you to him, I want to discuss the bookstore. So we have softrep.com book club. I want you to go check out the book club. It was developed by all the operators behind the scenes here at Soft Rep for folks like you to enjoy what they think you would like to read. So go get a book, read it for your brain, which is, you know, a muscle. And it needs to grow and gain some knowledge by reading a book. And check out the softwareup book club.com, excuse me, software.com book club. And the next thing I'm going to talk about is the merch store. So we have the Soft Rep merch store full of stocked goods with our logo all over it. And we love seeing it tagged on the Internet. So continue to do so by supporting the store.softrep.com I think Callum will put a link right here somewhere on the screen or down below that you can click on to check out any of the cool merch. Now, my next guest, Matthew Butler, retired Green Beret, has joined us today on Soft Rep. Welcome to the show. Welcome to the show. Yes, and I'm going to read a little bit about you. And first of all, Matthew has a new book called From Green Beret to One Man's Journey to Heal. His book chronicles the arc from childhood wounds, war trauma, spiritual awakening, becoming a healer for others. And it dives into the hidden emotional toll of special forces life, ptsd, the difference between being a warrior in the world versus a warrior of the soul. One thing about Matthew is Matthew Butler's retired Green Beret turned shamanic Practitioner, author and speaker Matthew Butler served as a Green Beret in the United States army, completing high risk missions that left lasting psychological and spiritual imprints. After transitioning out of the military, he spiraled into darkness, facing ptsd, which we know as post traumatic stress disorder, identity loss, an arrest for violence, emotional shutdown, and the disconnection that so many veterans experience after war. His turning point came not from the VA or traditional therapy, from a calling into deep spiritual work. Through plant medicine, shamanic practices, ancestral healing, and inner transformation, Matthew rebuilt himself from the inside out. He now serves as a guide for others seeking healing and awakening and helping veterans, men, and trauma survivors reconnect to purpose, spirit, and emotional truth. Matthew's work sits at the intersection of warrior resilience, spiritual awakening, and embodied healing. His mission is simple. To help people connect to the divine, heal deeply, and remember who they are. I love that. And welcome to the show, Matthew.
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Thanks for having me.
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B
I should say welcome, neighbor. Holy cow, everybody, while we're sitting here getting to know each other for the few minutes before, he's like, where you at? And I'm like, I'm in Utah. He's like, where, though? And I was like, sandy. And he's like, we're neighbors. Well, what's up, neighbor?
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A
What's up, man? We got. We're gonna have to get together one of these days afterwards and go have a cup of coffee. For sure.
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B
Yeah. I mean, we can just go down to the old pancake house down the street and enjoy some nice breakfast over a cup of coffee and just catch up. That is too easy.
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A
Great spot down there, the Pancake house.
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B
Yeah, a great spot. And it's great to have you on board. As I kind of briefly mentioned to you, you know, I grew up in the special forces culture with my father and my mother, you know, raising me as far as I can remember as a little kid growing all the way up. And I'll tell you, there was something in the house that was always prevalent and there was, you know, a spiritual situation here. You know, being in Utah, we were raised Mormon. Okay. And so dad always just, you know, said, hey, you're going to church. You're gonna go to church Sunday. We went to church, did that whole thing. And one time my dad came to church and he was in his uniform. It was like drill weekend or something. He came in as, like, his woodland camis. And he took his beret off, of course, as he comes in and I look next to him and I'm like, how come you get to wear your uniform? To church. And he's like, because God knows what I do is right. He was just trying to make sacrament. You see, he was just coming in, he was running a little late, Just showed up in his. You know, it is cammies. And I've always loved my dad having a spiritual, you know, connection. And I know that a lot of Green Berets are kind of required to have a faith. To be an SF guy, you have to have a faith. Is that. Is there truth to that?
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A
I would say that it would maybe be more broadly stated to say that they have to have a moral compass. I'll give you an example. I mean, I just before we were getting on, I was talking to your producer. He asked me how I got into Special Forces. And I said, oh, well, it was kind of a crazy story. What happened was, is I was in the National Guard as a field artillery officer, and I was really miserable at my civilian job. So I asked a mentor, how do I get on active duty? He says, well, you need to be either a doctor, a lawyer, a chaplain, or a Green Beret. I said, all right, well, that's pretty easy. I'll be a Green Beret. What do they do? You know, I had no idea. And so I went through the route, became a sf, but in that route, I had to go through. I had to apply to get back on ACT, to get on active duty. And part of that application process was me going through, like, another mini selection. I mean, I'd already been tabbed, I was wearing the Green Beret, I was already through the Q course, and they still put me through, like, a little mini selection on my own. And so I went back through the psych eval, and I got to sit with the psych because it was just a one on one, not 300 of us, you know, and going through SFAs. And so I. This, the. This one on one, the psych administered all the same tests that I'd just done, and, you know, a year and a half ago, two years ago in selection, and he's like, hey, do you want to. Do you want to know your results? And so we had this conversation, and he said that. He said, listen, like, we're looking for somebody who's really willing to take risks but has a moral compass. And so, yeah, I think that that's another way of saying it is that they. They were looking for somebody with a moral compass for sure.
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B
Right? Because, I mean, what unit did you wind up going? Did you go to the 19th here in Utah or.
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A
Well, in order to get on Activity. And that was part of. I burned a lot of bridges. In fact, the mentor that told me that, he said, listen, you're going to transfer from your field artillery unit over to the 19th group. Don't tell them your intentions. Go through their process, go to selection, go to the Q course. And once you are through the Q course and certified, you know, you're qualified as a Green Beret, then you can submit your paperwork on active duty. They'll bring you on because they're short captains, which was true. And so I was on active duty within, you know, a couple months after submitting my paperwork. The 19th group were really pissed at me for that at the time. There was a man, I mean, I'm sure your father knows him. His name was Andy Burton. He was the group commander forever. He was also the Salt Lake City County Sheriff. And man, that guy, you know, he told me that if he ever saw me again, that he was going to have it out for me.
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B
My dad ran the armory up at Layton back in the day. He was Company A. So. And then there was like the B Company, I think, at the Bountiful Junior high and at that armory. And so those were like the little places he wound up getting out in about 91. Medically retired, but I mean, like Chief Wester and like a lot of these old timers and stuff. I don't know if Wester's still working the scene or what, you know, but these guys don't ever know how to stop. You know, one of his buddies was shuffling up like six to eight months after he retired. You know, he was still getting into the, the, the jump out the aircraft showing up to jump day. And they're like, didn't Scotty retire five months ago? Scotty. Old Scotty. I just don't remember Scotty's last name, but he's old timer from the 80s, 90s, you know, just to say, you know, and this was during like the days of Beeson was my dad's major, I think Major Beeson. And, you know, late, late, early, early 80s, all through there to the 90s.
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A
So that would have been about the time.
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B
I still rock Dad's ring right here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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A
That would have been about the time. I mean, I, I was going through all this in the late 90s. And at the time they had something known as Special Warfare Training Branch. And they have a. They have a different acronym for it now. I think it's like S. S SE Or SFRE or something like that. But it's basically. And they're doing it still. Even on the active and National Guard components where they put people through or put the guys through a pre Selection, like before they send you to selection, they send you through this. But at the time that I went through it, it was called swtb. And Scotty was one of the guys that ran the swtb and old guy, older guy, and it was just a matter of, like, him and those cadre, like, you know, putting us through, like our paces every weekend or every month, you know, on the drill weekends to make sure that we were adequate.
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B
And I want to say, like, Randy was there. Watt. Randy Watt was one of my dad's guys and came to his funeral and everything. And, you know, a lot of these cats and Watt was there when you were probably involved.
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Yeah, I know that name.
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B
Like Colonel Watt.
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Yeah, I. I don't remember his rank, but I. I definitely know the name Randy Watt. For sure.
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B
Sure. Oh, yeah, sure. And I'm not doing it. I'm just saying he became the Ogden.
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A
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
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You know, eventually. Yeah, Randy did. And so, you know, just. It's just a small family, you know, and like, here we are being neighbors. I'm just blown away that you're just here like a block and a half away from me and, you know, we pass each other at Harmon's. For sure.
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Yeah.
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B
You know, I don't know how shaman that is, you know, invisible strings, bro. That's what we like to say around here. Now, how old were you when you went in as a 13 series? Is that what the. That's what it is when you fire cannons.
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A
Yeah. Yeah. So actually I joined the army enlisted. I enlisted in 1990. I was 21. I. I was. Okay. I was raised Mormon, too. So I joined the. I did the mission, then came home from my mission, joined right away as a private, and then I was commissioned into the National Guard by 93. So, yeah, I was a 13 Alpha in 93, and I did that until I guess it was about 97. Yeah, 97 was when I transferred to the 19th group.
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B
I see, I see. Yeah. See, and I was just running my skate shop up in Layton, Utah, so dad helped me create a skate shop, snowboard shop, and to this day, I still snowboard just as hard. And I'm. I'm going to go up probably later this afternoon to go to Brighton. And, you know, they're getting like 9 to 10 inches of snow right now, so we're going to shred that up. Yeah. Do you ski or snowboard or anything along Those lines.
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A
I totally missed that opportunity. I was really heavily into wrestling as a kid, and our wrestling coach had this strict rule that if, you know, if you were caught skiing, you would be kicked off the team. And so I went my whole childhood with never learning how and then just never connected as an adult.
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B
Sure. I had the baseball coach who said, you're not allowed to swim on game days. He's like, don't even let me find out that you went swimming before a game. Yeah, I was like, the water is devil on game days, too. So not on Sundays and not on game days. So three days out of the week. That's so awesome. Now, when you. How long did you stay in? So you got in as a. You commissioned. That's pretty chill. So, you know, you had a lot of folks, you know, respecting the rank and a lot of folks that had to salute the rank, you know, and then what rank did you finally achieve? You know, Captain.
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A
Oh, no, no. So I. Yeah, so I joined again as a private. By the time I switched over to the. To officer. By the time I was commissioned, I was E4. Then I was commissioned as a second lieutenant into the field artillery. Transferred to the net or to the active duty as a captain. Captain. And. And from the time I was on active duty until the time I retired, it was almost another 20 years. So I did 27 years total and retired as a lieutenant colonel.
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B
Lieutenant colonel. That's so awesome, bro. Congratulations on achieving that and climbing up from private to lieutenant colonel. Mad respect for that. And I mean, you know, a lot of SF guys try to go like, warrant after a point. Like, they're like, oh, I don't want to make major because, you know, they start to sit behind the desk and do, you know, lead stuff. You just kept going for the. You just kept going.
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A
Yeah, I did. I. There was. That thought crossed my mind. I did think about resigning my commission and stay in Warrant so. Or going Warrant to stay on a team. I mean, the team is where, you know, what you enjoy the most, what most of us enjoyed the most. And so, you know, you try to do everything you can to stay, I guess, tactical or operational. I want a different route. I went to a selection for one of the classified units. I was selected. I passed selection and went to what they called OTC Operation Operator Training course for a year. That was in. I guess that was from 22, 2020, or, excuse me, 2002 to 2003. And so. But at the end of the course, I wasn't. I wasn't permitted into the unit. So I failed this. I failed the otc.
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B
Wow. I mean, you're Green Beret already, right? Let's just clear that up, right? Like, you've already got the beanie on your head and you're airborne qualified, and you've already been doing this for a minute, and you still didn't get into that clip.
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A
Yeah, I. I mean, it was kind of a. You know, I mean, I talk a lot about it in the book there. It was a. It was a. You know, it was a big setback. I mean, the SF mentality is if you pass selection, there's a real high probability you'll pass the Q course, and that. That's the whole reason for selection. So it already passed the selection for this unit. So I assumed that there would be a pretty high probability I'd make it into the, you know, after the course, into the unit. My. My Ranger buddy going through that course, he later became the squadron commander for what they called S and T Standards and Training Squadron. And he actually came back to try to recruit me back to the unit a few years after that. And he. He kind of told me the story. He says, listen, at the time, at the end of. At the end of otc, we held a board, and it required a mandatory unanimous vote to get, you know, into the unit. And for whatever reason, there was one cadre that was your no vote. So one vote kept me out of the unit, and that was it.
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B
So just a no. Yeah, it's like some kind of city hall meeting where, like, all four say yes, and then the one's like, no. And then I'm like, why no? And he's like, well, someone has to say no. Just. Well, yeah, in case. Like, wait. But in your terms, it's like, you know, you wanted an all yes from the cadre.
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A
That was the requirement back then. And. And he told me it was just a personality conflict. For whatever reason, this one cadre didn't like me, voted no on my board, and that was that. So. But again, you know, I. I look back from a. From a shamanic perspective and. And think about all the things that, you know, went right or went wrong in my life up and. Up until then and up until. Until the shamanic thing and think like, okay, everything happens for a reason. And being able to look at everything with clarity from a place of not, like, wins or losses or success or failures, but just stepping stones in a journey.
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B
That's awesome. And you've been on one heck of a journey. I mean, tell me. Let's go let's, let's, let's go into your time capsule of 9 11, 2001. You're already a Green Beret, right? What's going on? Where were you? And then, you know, you said you went to OTC between 2002 and 3 or whatnot to get on this team. So in 2001, 9 11, something sparked you. Where were you? What happened?
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A
So, yeah, so I got to my, my ODA, ODA 332 in 2000. And so by 9 11, I was a pretty senior team leader, third group, you know, first battalion, third group. And we, I don't always remember. I can't quite put a finger on what it was I was briefing the battalion commander on. I think it was either a rotation to Mid south shooting academy or a language immersion. Like we had both of those things sort of on our horizon. And I, I think it was the Mid south shooting. So anyway, I went up to the battalion commanders office that morning to brief him on, on this concept because, you know, that was one of the major jobs as a, as a team leader was, you know, securing money from the battalion. So I had to, you know, present this briefing to the battalion commander. And yeah, that was, I was sitting in his office waiting for him to finish showering and whatnot and come, you know, come into his office so I could brief him on this training event that was. We had coming up and watching, you know, like at the time. We still do like every, every office space, every whatever in the, you know, in the military generally has a TV up on the wall and it's generally tuned to Fox News 24 7. And yeah, it was up and playing and I was watching it in his office and he came in and he says, go back to your team room. We're obviously not doing this briefing today day. And that was that.
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B
Oh, so you go back to your team room and what's your thoughts going through your mind about the first hit and then the second?
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A
Just that just like, you know, it was pretty obvious that not just the first and second hits, but then the Pentagon and then up in Pennsylvania and just, you know, all of us, we didn't have to really, no one had to really say it, that our country was under attack. And you know, we just really started to. Well, first of all, we were all just really tuned to the TV and we were all making our own comments and judgments about what we thought was happening and then waiting for word. And then pretty soon the base was locked down and it wouldn't take long. I think it was Within. By the next day, we had different. We ended up getting attached to the 18th Airborne Corps to help secure the base. And so we were given the assignment of some, like, watching and maintaining security on some key, like, communications sites and
- [20:15]
B
things like that, making sure that they stay intact. And you guys are covering that. And you're right. I mean, I remember I was in bed, and I. My dad comes upstairs, and he's like, hey, turn your TV on. With my mom and my. My wife at the time or girlfriend, we both look up at the TV and we're watching it, and we see the first smokestack or the first tower smoking, right? And then all of a sudden, the second one hits. And now my dad looks at me and says, okay, we're under attack. Immediately, he just felt like, you know, you know, wow, right? He'd been out probably for about eight years at that point, you know, retired medically, but still totally like, turn this on. Let's get ready to see what we're about to see. And. And I just remember very vividly, you know, him saying, we're under attack. And you said it was obvious, you know, we were under attack, seeing from all different angles. And then 2001, you know, a friend of mine, Travis, was like, I guess, hunting bin Laden in the caves with a Delta Force team, AKA Hobbit. What's up, bro? And, you know, in between you and O2, did you deploy over there? Did you guys get spun up and have to go and all of a sudden become Middle east theater of operation experts, or what was your theater of operation? And did you wind up in the Middle East?
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A
So at the time, Third group was, and still is right oriented on Africa. Back then, we didn't have africom. We just. There was just Africa. And Africa was divided between, like, we had responsibility for it, for the. For the J sets, for going over there and training the respective African nations and armies. But if anything ever went down, like, strategically, it was divided along the Sahara. And so, like, 10th group, I think, had north of the Sahara, and fifth group had south of the Sahara. And so third group really didn't have a dog in the fight when it came to Africa. So, you know, we didn't really have. And so we definitely weren't oriented towards the Middle East. And what ended up happening was 3rd Battalion in 3rd Group was being activated to go to Afghanistan immediately to augment fifth Group. And they needed some extra teams. And so they were going through the. The other two battalions, picking out who was going to, you know, be added to 3rd Battalion to go to, you know, to support them. And like I said, I was, you know, I was pretty senior captain at that time on my team and we had a really good team. I mean, I don't want that to sound like a brag, but. But the truth of the matter was, is like when I came on the team like myself, the team sergeant and the warrant all came on within, like within a month of each other. So they sort of whitewashed the leadership and a lot of the old guys didn't really like the new regime, so to speak, and so they left. And I think at one point we were down to three, three guys on our oda and our team sergeant slowly built it up and built it up and built it up until the point where we had a really good team. And so we were one of the teams that was hand picked to go over with 3rd Battalion to 5th Group early in, you know, early in the war. And this is where, this is why I went to otc, because also at the same time, my former company commander who then became the Battalion XO, 1st Battalion XO. He, he fired the logistician, the S4. He just couldn't get along with him for whatever reason. Another personality conflict, I guess. And so he fired the logistician. And right before we were getting ready to deploy, he called me into his office and said, hey, I'm pulling you off your team and making you the Battalion S4. And I was like, I can't even spell logistics. Like, like, I've never done, like, like, literally. How do you, how do you expect me to deploy a battalion to combat with zero OJT or, or schooling, let alone a ojt.
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B
Yeah, on the job training. Right. OJT for those that are listening is on, like, they have no experience on
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A
the job, neither schoolhouse training or on the job training. I had nothing. And he wanted, you want me to, like, in this most critical time, you want me to step into this role and, and deploy the battalion. And not only that, it was just more of a slap in the face, like, like, I'm your senior, I'm your senior team leader in battalion. Like, doesn't it make more sense for continuity to leave me on the team? And so ultimately I got really, you know, really pissed off about, about it. And I'd been thinking about going to selection for this tier one unit already. And so that was all the motivation I need. I called them up and I said, when's your next selection? They said, I think it was in March. I think they run selection March April and now that I think they may even run two selections a year, at the time, they only ran one. It was in the March, April time frame. And so I. I just said, okay, I want to go. And they said, well, there's no way you can make it. Our paperwork is for the next selection. It's due on Friday. And we, you know, if you haven't started it, you can't finish it by then because it's an extensive packet. And I said, yeah, watch me.
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B
I feel it all.
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A
Challenge accepted.
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B
Exactly. Say, hold my beer and everything. Here we go. Let's. Oh, it can't be done. Telling an SF guy it can't be done.
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A
That's the first way to motivate me. Just, you know, on a personal level, I tell my wife all the time, if you really want to motivate me to do something, tell me, I can't do it. I'll get it done quickly.
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B
Yeah.
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A
So, yeah, I had my paper in by Friday. I got orders till selection. I walked back into the XO's office and just said, you know, a couple weeks later, I said, I'm done being your S4. Here's my orders to selection. He said, we'll see in six weeks when you fail, and it's going to be 10 times worse on you. Yeah, exactly. Another. It was just more motivation. I was like, okay, perfect. Yeah, awesome. Now I'm even more motivated. When I get to that place in Selection where I really, really want to quit, I'm going to see your face. And so, yeah, I came back from selection and I had new orders then. Then the piece, you know, PCs to the. To the unit for selection, or, excuse me, for training for otc, and went back in. I said, I told you I was done here. You go find yourself a new S4. In some respects, I look back at that and I have a little bit of, you know, resentment and that I. That I did that in some respects, like, I had another friend, another captain. He was the S1, and he went to selection with me. But he. And he got selected, but he came back and stayed with the unit and deployed as the Battalion S1. And in some respects, I feel like, you know, I could have been more supportive. I could have have been more committed to the team and just done the rotation as the S4, came back and gone to OTC later. But, no, I just. I just was really angry about the way that I was taken off the team just because he couldn't get along with his logistician, his S4, you know, so exactly.
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B
And will you explain an S? 1, 2, 3, or 4 for those of us that are listening that may not know what that might mean from your terminology.
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A
So, S stands for staff position, staff, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7. Actually, one is your admin, two is your intel, three is your operations. Four is logistics. Five is future planning, six is your signals. And some units have a seven, which is like training. And so, yeah, those are the staff officers responsible for those respective areas of activity to make the battalion run. So you have the command and then you have the staff, and then you have the operators.
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B
Thank you for that. I appreciate that. And it just breaks it down for those that are listening and these acronyms that we throw out there all the time, you know, but, you know, one thing that I love about it is you guys. You know, you said you were third group, Right. And so that's the flash, if I'm right, that has like a four square
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A
of, like, different colors on, which is really interesting because it almost matches up perfectly, like with the Native American medicine wheel. Yeah. But really what that represents is it's the yellow which represents the first group flash. It's the black that represents the fifth group flash. It's red that represents the seventh group flash. Flash. And white that represents tenth group flash. And essentially the. The motto was, was from the rest come the best. So what happened was in. In the early 90s, when they, like, third group had been activated, I think back in the Vietnam era, and then it was deactivated, and then they reactivated it in the 90s. And what they did was they. They basically SF Command came out and said, you know, to every group, okay, you're gonna give up, like, you know, one fourth of your unit, and they're going to get orders to come to third group to this new unit that we're reactivating. And so that flash represents each of the other four units that we drew from on its second activation in order to make it to. To stand it up back in the 90s.
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B
Oh, I love that. Let's take some more of that knowledge, you know what I mean? Oh, I love that. I'm gonna hold that in for a minute.
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A
Yeah, yeah.
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B
Oh, wow, that's cool to know. So. So from the rest come the best, Right?
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A
And I think that was the intention. I think that they asked, you know, the groups to.
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B
Or from the best come the rest?
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A
Yeah, well, no, no. From the rest come the best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They wanted to take the best from those different from the rest of those other units.
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B
Yeah, yeah, dude, that's so cool. And so, so you've done some time. You've jumped out of some airplanes, you know. Oh, have you ever had a. Almost on a jump? Like, yeah, cigarette roll.
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A
The closest thing I had was a night jump, a night equipment HALO jump. And I had somebody who didn't see me. I mean, it, it's pitch, you know, it's pitch black. You know, you're under nods. And we were at a different altitude, but we were, we were coming like he was descending. And I couldn't get his attention to get him to wave off. But we came pretty close to an entanglement on that for sure. That was probably the scariest jump I ever had. Yeah.
- [30:52]
B
Wow. Yeah, it could be gnarly. I've heard some stories. This is a great question. I asked guys that are airborne. Have you ever had one close call? One guy was like, well, I was jumping just like you. He said, we call it full locker room. Like they had everything on. And he said he jumped out, but they didn't snap the oxygen mask to the helmet or something. And so it was like smacking him on the face as he jumped out. And then he was bleeding all over his face. And then next thing you know, he says his chem light was shattered from something. And it was just. He had chem light all over him and from his wristwatch, blood all over his face. It's a HALO jump. And he had some foreign dude that was with him from Canada doing this, like, in the air. Yeah, get away. He's like, go away. And he just like, get away from this, from everybody else. And at that moment, he was like, he hit hard. Blood all over his face. I mean, yeah, obviously you could.
- [31:42]
A
Yeah, it's, you know, there's, there's not a lot. A large margin of error up there. 20,000 or, you know, 18,000ft, 15,000ft. There's. There's a lot that can go wrong real quick.
- [31:56]
B
You know, in your book here, from the Green Beret to Shamanism, we're going to transition into talk. Talking about one man's journey to heal. I'm assuming you're the man.
- [32:04]
A
Yeah,
- [32:07]
B
you've probably called that before. He's got to own it. He's got to say thank you. All right, I'll roll. Yes, exactly, exactly. He's got to own it. I mean, talk to me about, you know, going from this heavy hitting commander, you know, with respect to the, to the job, to, you know, this is, you know, dressing up and putting your gear on and, you know, going out and doing your job to, like, I. I've got too much in my head going on. I need something to help me. You know, it seems like you might have got that made that.
- [32:42]
A
Yeah. So. So what happened was, you know, I got out. Well, in 2011, I had already been diagnosed, so I was on active duty, and I'd already been diagnosed with PTSD treatment, resistant depression, alcoholism, opioid addiction, and suicidal ideation. Which is interesting is because I didn't retire up until 2017. And so, you know, to me, I felt like looking back, it's almost like the military, that. That sort of lifestyle, always being on the go. High demand, high performance performance sort of was like the. The glue that held it all together. And then I retire, and I always describe retirement for most of us as an existential Crisis, because for 30 years, I'd worn the uniform. I knew who I was, what I was supposed to do, what the standards were. And then, you know, on Monday, you wake up and you're in cargo shorts and flip flops, looking around, going, like, what the. What the hell, man? Like, what am I supposed to do with my life? And, you know, nobody. You're right. Like, you go from being the man to being like, you know, who am I? And. And so that's also when, like, I can. I didn't have that sort of duct tape of high performance, high demand, high op tempo holding me together. So by. By the. Again, I respected. Retired in the spring of 2017. But by Veterans Day of 2017, I was going through my third divorce and just having such a rough time with everything that I actually went up into the Uintas. You know where the Uintas are? I went up. Yeah, to Camas, actually, and stopped at. There's this little bar there called the Notch. And I stopped at the Notch, and my. My intention was to get pretty drunk and then drive up into the mountains and take my life. And it was a pretty miraculous event that I got through that weekend. It was a. You know, it was a rough weekend, but I got through it. Things continued to, you know, spiral. By 2018, got into an altercation with my father. And I should add, at this point, I already had. I think it was 12 restraining orders against me. I was in Layton, so. You talk about Leighton.
- [35:02]
B
I know Leighton. I love. I love Leighton.
- [35:05]
A
Yeah. In Woods. Cross, but in Woods. In woods. I had 12 restraining orders against me. Law enforcement were really, well, you know, really well acquainted with me at this point. And I went to my father's house, and we got into an altercation and, you know, I have so much love and respect for my dad, because if he allowed me to keep going down the road I was going, there was a chance, like, you know, he'd never see me again if he had me arrested. There's a chance that I get so angry that I never see him again, just out of sheer anger and spite. And so there's a little sliver in the middle there where he has me arrested, and it turns out okay. And thankfully, that's where we landed. But he had me arrested in August of 18. So by August 18, I was in jail. And what I did in that jail cell was I had. I always tell people I had two major revelations. Revelation number one was that I was lying to everybody around me. But most of all, I was lying to myself about the severity of my issues. You know, I wasn't. I wasn't owning it. I wasn't being, you know, I just wasn't being honest with myself. And the second thing, because up until then, I was like, all nonsense. I was sure they think I have PTSD Now I don't think I have it. Whatever, you know, and just blow it all off. It was. It wasn't something I took serious at all. But then, you know, you're in handcuffs in the back of a cruiser, and then in a jail cell, you're like,
- [36:33]
B
maybe this is serious going to Farmington Bay. Probably you don't want to deal with that, bro.
- [36:39]
A
Actually, I was. Happened up in Summit county where my parents live. So they. So I was hauled off to Park City.
- [36:46]
B
Oh, I see, I see, I see. And are these restraining orders just because of, like, outbursts? And then you were just trying to control yourself, and relationships were just frazzled, and you were just. Yeah, you were just. You were just beside yourself. You were just literally dealing. Well, are you rated out of the military, medical?
- [37:03]
A
No, I just retired and got an honorable. You know, an honorable retirement, honorable discharge. Had nothing to do with the medical or any of that was part of my retirement. But, no, the restraining orders came because, like I said, I was going through my third divorce. I never got violent with her. I never did anything. I never touched her or anything like that. But we would get into these arguments, and they would just be so loud and so big and so over the top. And she would be. Rightfully so. She'd be scared. And her call would always be to law enforcement saying, my husband's a retired Green Beret. He's very large. I'm very scared right now. Yeah. So law enforcement would come and Then she would file a restraining order against me, and then I'd be kicked out of my home, and then would reconcile, and then the pattern would just repeat. And that was part of the problem is I would see the space in between these phone calls and these fights was getting shorter and shorter, and the intensity was getting bigger and bigger. And in my mind, I can do the math. I'm like, okay, well, this is not going to end really well if it gets. Keeps going. So ultimately, that's why I ultimately left her, too. It's just. I just. I was just afraid of the. Where things were going. But the second revelation I had in jail was that, you know, that I was stuck in that insanity loop, you know, where you do everything over and over and over again because. And expect a different result. Because the truth of the matter was, is like, I was taking the antidepressants. I was, you know, going to group therapy and personal counseling and anger management class. I was doing all that, and nothing was working. So after, you know, after that I got out of jail, I started researching, like, what can I do to cure ptsd? How is pure and. And if you Google it, like, even today, I did this just to double check that it's still the case. But if you Google how. How do you cure ptsd, it just says, well, you know, there are some medications that might help you to deal with. With, you know, the symptoms. And so that's. That's what, you know, Google offers you.
- [39:04]
B
But there's no real, like, breakdown of, like, you know, post traumatic stress disorder can be handled in this or that, you know, and something that we say here at Soft Rep all the time is, you know, thrills before pills. You know, it's like, try to get out and, you know, go in a kayak or try to canoe or go up in the mountains or ride a bike, you know, before you start taking pills. And to try to, you know, compartmentalize your PTSD or the stress that you've dealt with, you know, whatever demon is going on inside of you, try to get it out, like, outside. First, try to do some recreational therapy. Go to your VA advocate and say, hey, is recreational therapy something that I could, you know, explore? Is that an option for me? You know, and chances are they'll say, well, yes, you know, and then you're like, wait, it is? Yeah. Well, what are you into? It's like, well, I'm into mountain biking. There might be prescription for a mountain bike for you if you're rated or you can just ask.
- [39:56]
A
I agree with you. And, and so I, I just kept digging and digging and digging into the research and, and not really real research, I mean, just like Google research. I kept diggling, googling and going deeper and deeper until I found ayahuasca. The word ayahuasca. I was like, okay. And I just, I literally Sat and watched YouTube video after YouTube video about these veterans who, you know, essentially they were promotion videos for whatever like retreat center in Peru, you know, showing veterans that had come there before and then the before and after videos and going like, okay, that's what I need. That right there is what I need. And you know, then the pandemic hit and so would be still another almost three years before I connected with ayahuasca. So
- [40:44]
B
plant based herbal remedies that are available that are used in, I guess I want to say more of a respectful shaman way, you know what I'm saying? Like that's probably really, you know, I want to say a tribal way or a, you know, just like the original holistic.
- [41:01]
A
Absolutely. And that's, and that's what this medicine was. You know, this medicine, it's essentially made up of two ingredients from plants are indigenous to the Amazon basin. They are, they've been taken for estimates say between 5 and 10,000 years. They're the indigenous medicines of those tribes. They are taken in a very sacred shamanic way. A shamanic practitioner, a shaman leading those ceremonies. And really the word shaman is actually more accurate to say somebody from Siberia. But we often refer to the, to those practicing in the, in the South America shamans as well. Because it's a shamanic practice. They're actually more like. Some of the names that are more familiar would be ayahuasca, Ros or Kuhnderos or Titas. Different things like that are the actually more appropriate cultural names. But yes, it's done with the shamanic practitioner I ended up finding. What was weird is I ended up finding, finding an ayahuasca ceremony in Utah. I had no idea that something like that would even exist. I thought for sure I'd have to go to the jungles. But I ended up finding one up in Heber. And I found a ceremony up in Heber and went to my very first ayahuasca ceremony up there. Yeah.
- [42:17]
B
Oh, wow. So you didn't have to really get into the jungle. Yeah, per se. You know, I mean, I have others on here over my years of doing this and I've talked the same conversation, but they're like, yeah, we go to Chile or Argentina. Argentina or Peru, you know, to do these two week camps and then they want to, you know, embed you for a while and just kind of like almost like selections. You know, they bring you in and they kind of just make sure that you're ready for this journey that's about to take place. And that way it's not like such a shock to your system. I mean, is that the same type of process that you would.
- [42:49]
A
Similar. A little bit different because it was here in the States. But essentially I called, I called the number the. That I found and I spoke to the shaman. She said she had one seat available. I paid for my seat. The ceremony was about six weeks away and so I ended up paying. Well, yeah, paying for my seat. And then two weeks out, she put us all on this what they call a dieta or a diet. A very special diet that helps you prepare physically, emotionally, spiritually for the experience. So we weren't in the jungle for that part of it. Yeah, sure. And then there were three nights of ceremony. You know, I think we showed up on Thursday and had ceremony on Thursday, Friday and Saturday and then went home on Sunday. And so, yeah, that's how I ultimately ended up finding ayahuasca. And it was in that very first night, so would have been Thursday night ceremony, which was interesting is because not only that, but. So, you know, for those of you who are listening, I just want to mentioned it was in Heber. Like, Heber is really close to Park City where I was arrested. It's really close to Summit county where I grew up. It was over a. It was over the summer solstice. Well, it was actually just after summer solstice. And there was a. There was a lunar eclipse that week, I think. Well, there was an eclipse, lunar, solar. And so I take the medicine on that first night, Thursday, and halfway through, through the ceremony, the shaman comes over and she sits down and she starts to talk on. Talk to me and work on my, like my trauma, my rage. And eventually at the end of that conversation, she just kind of leaned in and said, oh, by the way, Matt, you know, you. You don't remember yet or you're a shot, but you're a shaman and I'm here to inform you, like this whole therapy, this whole thing was orchestrated for you. You so that I could. I've been waiting for you and it's my pleasure to inform you. You're a shaman, you just don't remember. And I was like, I. I literally thought to myself, I don't remember there being a shaman package. Like, am I. It's not what I signed up for. I'm entitled to a little refund here. Like, what are you talking about?
- [45:03]
B
Leadership, bro. It's just coming at you.
- [45:06]
A
It went right over my head.
- [45:08]
B
Like.
- [45:08]
A
Like. Like, no, I think you got the wrong guy. Like, I didn't sign up for that package. No. But ultimately, over months of discovery, it became clear and apparent that that was what my role, my. My future role was supposed to be. And then I ended up, long story short, ended up apprenticing with four different shamans. Two here in the U.S. one in Colombia, and one in Scandinavia. So.
- [45:41]
B
And that's how the title From Green Beret to Shamanism, One Man's Journey to heal, has created itself right that Thursday night. And you know what? I want to say something. I know that. I know that solstice, and I know that lunar eclipse, and I was. So now that I put all of you together, the stars were alive, bro.
- [45:59]
A
And it really was. It was really quite a magical cosmic event. And, yeah, actually, the book, if I break it down real quick and I'll show it to you, throw it up here on the screen one more time. It's. It's written in. In, you know, parts one, two, and three. Part one is from birth to my arrest, and it's. It's my descent into the abyss. Part two is from that very first ceremony to my last apprenticeship, my most recent apprentice apprenticeship. And so that's the two Shamanism. So From Green Beret to Shamanism, Part two and then part three is One Man's Journey Hill. And it's really the lessons learned. It's the things that I. That I learned in my path of reclaiming my mental health. Because that's what I tell everybody. It's like, you have to realize at a certain point, you have to accept the fact that no one's coming for you. Like, the VA is not coming for you. Your primary care physician is not coming. Coming for you. Your therapist is not coming for you. The person that has the most skin in the game is you. And so you need to be your primary care physician. You need to become your therapist. And that's not to say that you get rid of those. What it is to say is that you need to be. You need to be your own advocate. You need to take a lot of interest in and get wise, get smart on all the things and be able to speak for your, you know, up for your. Speak up for yourself. Be able to advocate. Be able to, like, you said, like, go into the. Like, no, like, I understand that you guys have mountain bikes. I need a mountain bike. And demand that.
- [47:29]
B
Yeah, yeah, exactly. You speak up for yourself. It's like. It's like this. It's like the flight attendant. They're like, exits are here. And then when this falls out, put it on you first. The oxygen mask. Put it on you before you help anybody else, because you got to take care of you first. You put your oxygen oxygen mask on, you get flowing, then you can assess who do you need to help at that point. And. Exactly. And. And we all go through trials and tribulations in our life. You know, that's why people in religions have repenting, okay. That's why they're able to go into confessionals at different dominations and say, father, I have sinned. Forgive me. And he's like, what is your sin? You know, all these different things, there's. There's some type of a release for us because inside of here, it can. It can get like a locker. You know, everything's locked inside our heads. And. And. And if one of our listeners out there happens to have any of the same thoughts you did, this book is something they probably should check out. And perhaps, you know, I'm not saying. I'm not saying all plant herbal remedies are for everybody, but you don't know unless you, you know, put your hat in the ring kind of thing and, and explore and try to educate yourself on it like you did. You're like, let me dive into what, you know, the bot tells me. Let me see what AI tells me today. What. What is it? What's PTSD considered to AI, you know, how can I ever tell you correctly? So talking to someone like yourself, who's been through, I mean, really, you know, first of all, you're an Olympic athlete. To become a Green Beret, I find that rucking and running, and I go ride with my bikes with my dad, you know, six miles a night with his ruck of on around Hill Air Force Base. And people would be like, you need a ride? And he's like, no, I'm good. I just got. My son and me, we're just running this. These are Air Force guys. As he's running up Hillfield Road and going back to our house in Layton. You know, these guys, you guys have just got such a. You know what I think? Like a. You're all Ironman, you know, it's like you're the best of the best. But what I found living with my father is there are vulnerabilities to you guys. We are just human you are just the neighbor. You are just the soccer coach. You are the substitute teacher in school who gets called to do these dangerous missions, and then all of a sudden, you can just turn it on. You do have a moral compass. You've been through, you know, interactions with law enforcement. Okay? That just is not who you are or who you are going to be. It's just. That's what. Those are the speed bumps that, you know, come through your life. You've changed that, and you've resolved yourself. You've had dumb moments where you drink too much and ate too many little pills and thought you're gonna go up in the uenas like others.
- [50:06]
A
Yep.
- [50:07]
B
You know, you're just. I get it, bro. You're, like, sitting there in canvas Colville, like, what am I gonna do with myself? Take another shot, whatever. You know, Go get a. Go get an apple fritter at the chevron. That's what you should do. Okay? You should not do those other things. Just go get an apple fritter and your whole life will be better. Okay? And if you know what I'm talking about, it's just right on the way to the uintas, right there in camas. But, you know, and then to. You consistently cocoon yourself, bro. And I say that like a butterfly getting new wings and new colors, and your colors are going to. You're consistently cocooning yourself. I say every two years, we all go through a cocooning phase in our lives. Something's changed, something's grown us, something's moved us into this new realm of new colors on our wings. And. And you've done that. You've not given up. And. And that's what I'm trying to say is you just have not given up. So that mentality you have in your head of not giving up, not giving up on the team, not giving up in wrestling, not giving up. You know, passion. Not giving up. Just not giving up. Right. So you just have not given up. And I just want to say you're badass for that. Okay. And, dude, your neighbor. We're neighbors, bro. That's the coolest thing. Yeah, you're very. You're very welcome. Right? And. And if you're out there listening to this and you're like, oh, wow, this SF guy just totally opened up about having problems and, you know, and trying to resolve them and. And then took his problems into a book, I mean, you can, too. It's a good outlet, a good artistic outlet. Right. Did you find writing?
- [51:38]
A
It really did. It was. It was a great process. And actually I felt like it was really cathartic because I, I made the decision in the book to just come clean on everything. So, you know, all of my faults, all of my failures, all my, you know, perceived, whatever, it's all in there. Like I just owned it. Like, I just, I thought to myself, you know what, Like, I don't want to pull any punches on this whatsoever. And so I, yeah, I put it
- [52:03]
B
all out there and you seem like you're just open. You know, I. We didn't have any preface of what we were going to chit chat. I mean, we knew what we were talking about, your book and you and get to know you, but there was no questions of like, hey, I'm gonna talk to you about like, you know, anything. It was like, hey, how are we gonna get to know each other, neighbor? And I want you to know that we can still have normal conversations in this life without being at each other's throats. You know, you can meet a stranger and say, hey, how's it going? Oh, hi. You know a lot of people. Okay. A friend of mine, he comes up to me, he's like, hey, rad. He's like, people just stare at me all the time. And I'm like, well, do you say hi? He's like, no. And he's kind of on the spectrum. And I'm like, well, maybe say hi. He's like, do you think they look at me because I'm just big and different and I'm like, maybe they're different. Maybe they can't talk. You know, we don't know what they're thinking. Someone looking at you funny, Just say hi. You know, just maybe smile. You know, Michael, that's what I would tell him. He's like, just say hi.
- [52:57]
A
That's a really important part of this too is I think that like we get isolated in, in post retirement life. Like, you know, we're used to being in, in these really tight knit teams. We're used to being, you know, really connected to the, you know, our brothers. And then all of a sudden you're, you know, you're living thousands of miles away, hundreds of miles away from the team, from your friends, from other stuff. And you get isolated and that's a really dangerous place to be too. So you're right. That's another skill set that we need to learn as, you know, as operators and as, as retirees is how to, you know, make new connections and how to stay connected and how to be, you know, authentic with people.
- [53:37]
B
Yeah, yeah, I agree with that. And, I mean, dude, you're. You're cool, man. And I know you've had some trials and tribulations in your life, but that doesn't mean anything. You can still run for president, obviously. So
- [53:52]
A
I think. I think staying as a shaman's where I'll stay.
- [53:57]
B
See? See? Leadership finds you. See, you didn't know that, but I'm here to tell you. You're supposed to run for president.
- [54:04]
A
I think maybe we'll build a commune instead.
- [54:07]
B
Sounds like a good time. You can count me in to be, you know, positive influence at that situation as well, bro. I would. I'll help stoke that fire that, you know, keeps everyone warm, and I hope our show does that. You know, I really want, you know, Soft Rep to reach out to folks and just hit him in the feels a little bit. Even if it's a silly, you know, funny feeling in your. In your funny bone. That. That's the whole point of this. It's like, rad. What are you saying? You know, this guy's jumped out of airplanes. You guys are talking about? What. What are you talking about? Fritters. Apple fritters, you know? Yes. Yes, we are. Yes, we are. Because what you did in your life leads up to who you are today, but it's not who you are today, you know? And so, you know, today you're a shaman, and I value that respect, you know, of devoting yourself to that. And also, as an author, I've talked to so many folks that write books, and I'm sitting here like, I should have written a book by now. Six years of doing this podcast, and like, oh, how do you write a book? They're like, well, rad. You just start writing. And I'm like, okay, cool. Next. Like, so how do you write a book? Well, I just sat down and started writing. Rad. And I'm like, well, okay. And I'm like, what about you? You got someone writing your book, right? They're like, no, I. I kind of sat down and started writing my own book.
- [55:15]
A
I'll give you. I'll give you the inside hint on how I actually. I started writing my book. And then I got. I sort of, like, got distracted and put it on a shelf for three. For three years. And then I went on a pilgrimage. And during that pilgrimage, like, it was really, really clear that I needed to finish the book. And I came home, and I finished it in six weeks. And the trick to finish it in six weeks was doing it on mushrooms. So, you know, oh, psilocybin.
- [55:42]
B
Another Another fungus among us, my friend. Well, you know why you always invite the mushroom to the party? Because he's a fun guy.
- [55:50]
A
Yeah. Yep.
- [55:55]
B
Right. You know, again, you just let me know when that commune happens and neighbor, I'll come up and help, you know, do whatever you need some help around there. And it's just that simple, you know? You know, positive vibes bring positive vibes. You know, you kind of get what you get. And if you give kindness, you get kindness. If you give hate, you get hate. We see it in road rage incidents. If you road rage with the guy next to you, you're going to have a conflict and that's going to stress you out and probably them too. But if you just like ignore and like look over at the mountain and just keep driving, let that guy drive by, Just let that road rage go by. Just let it go by. Just let it go. Okay. Because he's looking for it, you're looking for it, but just let it go.
- [56:35]
A
Absolutely. Yeah. Like this. The universe is a giant mirror. That's one of the lessons I learned in, in my shamanic apprentices is just the universe is a mirror. So whatever you have going on inside of you, the universe will reflect it back to you. And so if you cultivate, like you say, peace, joy, you know, serenity, all those things, I'm a, I mean like, obviously I'm a huge advocate for plant medicine, but it ends after ceremony. I do not believe that, you know, we need to do plant medicine six times a year or, you know, every year for the next 20 years. Plant medicine is a great way to stop the merry go round in order for you to just get enough of your feet on the ground to make some long term changes. And one of the biggest long term changes that I will always suggest to people, to men, is get into meditation. Meditation is like you said earlier, your brain's a muscle read. Same thing. Take your brain to the gym every day. Start with 5 minutes, work up to where you can meditate for 30 minutes. Just stay at it. And that will help you to cultivate that peace, that serenity. All the things that you really want to see in life just right there.
- [57:46]
B
I love that. I love that. And I love having a positive message, you know, with a universal style flair going on. Right. You know, like there's just so many things that go on around us that we're not even in control of. The law of the universe is just, we're just in it. It's like, okay, like, where's the paperwork for the constitution of the universe. Okay, hold on. Okay. It's. It's almost like I say all the time I go do ride alongs with my friend who's a high patrolman here in Utah, and I'm like, you know, when we sit in your car, there's all these like hums and noises and red lights and, and radars going on and, and WI fi. And that's all going through our brain, bro. And he's just like, yep, just like that. You know, I'm like, you know, that's like the universal. That's like the laws of the universe are just all around us, going through us, helping, trying to guide us as the stewards of what we have available to us. Right? Which is I live here in Sandy. I'm a steward of my community and, and the people that are around me and my family. And I can only be the best that I can be moving forward. And so I just challenge everyone out there to be the best stewards of what they have and move their front foot forward just being the best at what they can be.
- [59:03]
A
Absolutely. Absolutely.
- [59:06]
B
You know, and so I just want to say thanks again for, you know, dealing with me having some glitches this morning and you know, finding out that you're my neighbor and we're going to go join us some pancake house and have some pancakes. Okay. Here, Right here in Sandy, Utah. We love that place. I love that place. I go down there all the time.
- [59:21]
A
You just gotta, you gotta avoid it during the heavy time. You'll wait an hour to just get a table.
- [59:27]
B
Oh, you'll wait. Yeah. Well, me and you, let's go sit at the bar. Let's go sit at the counter. We'll be counterfolk. We'll just sit there and watch all the action while they're hustling and you know, give me some hot food coming out. Awesome. Geez, I'm hungry. And it's that time of the morning, so it's like, you know, it's on my mind. Well, again, you've been a wonderful guest and a delightful person to have on the show and I would like to reinvite you back on the show. And anytime you want to have another conversation and, or dude, I'd give you a weekly column on my website, softwarep.com, where you can say, here's this week's Shaman tip of the day. And if that's something that you ever wanted, I'm just stirring the pot right now. I'm just stirring the pot.
- [60:07]
A
Maybe you didn't hear, but I, I was invited I'm going to be a contributor. So my article is already in. I think I'm working with. I think, yeah, with Guy. Figure out the timing of that and then, yeah, I'll be a. I'm on the team now, too.
- [60:25]
B
So, bro, welcome to the team. Because I'm. I'm a good little, like, you know, I can get you in the net. I'm like, hey, you know, we had a great conversation and why don't you come and give an article or something. Something. And, and, and what that does is it just shows folks that, hey, there is someone out there who has some experience in the field that they may have. And now this is what you're doing today. Yeah, right. And. And there is life after the military, that transition.
- [60:48]
A
And that is, you know, what I'm going to share. I'm not going to go like into deep shamanic practice, but I want to be able to bring sort of that, you know, the spiritual aspect of things. Like, I. I believe that you can maintain your operator. In fact, I will go so far as to say I think it's an imperative that you know that you maintain your operator, but you also stay that. Keep that moral compass in working condition as well. And how you blend the two. You know, we always were used to, like, sometimes people threw out the word, like, you know, like poet. Like poet or warrior shot or I'm butchering it, but like warrior monk, you know, type of mentality about the Green Beret experience and that type of thing. And so I think that, like, that's kind of where I'm going to come at this from.
- [61:37]
B
Well, I think that we're going to be excited to see your article. Congratulations on, you know, taking that step to post on Soft rep. We love that. And that's that. Dude, I think that folks should go check out your book. Let me just rephrase what it's called, which I should have in my head already, but it's from Green Beret to shamanism. One man's journey to heal. I had a. Oh, yeah, there it is. I had a look at the last word. It was to heal. I was gonna say define himself. No, to heal. This. And is this a. See, when does that come out?
- [62:07]
A
It's on Amazon. Or you can also, like, all my social media is a weight Green beret on all four platforms and I have a weight greenburre.com you can also find it there as well.
- [62:20]
B
And if you're a veteran on active duty military, first responder, spiritual seeker, trauma survivor, someone in the mental health Community. This is a book that you'll probably want to at least, you know, thumb through, right? And so just give that a look. And not saying it's going to fix all the world's problems, but it might just have a sentence in there that will affect you. And that's the point. And if you do buy the book, I'm just going to speak on the author's behalf here of Matt is leave a review where you buy it at. So if you buy it on the river, AKA Amazon, then just go ahead and leave a review. Leave a five star because that's all we want. But leave a review and just be honest and say, hey, I enjoyed your book. I was going down the same hole and this pulled me out. Or you know what, man, I don't know. You're kind of kooky. Just leave a review and let the author see that. And if you're a local store out there and you're looking to get the book, you should get that book in your store as well. Local mom and pops like Weller's Bookstore.
- [63:15]
A
It's available on on IngramSpark, which is the book wholesaler. So for those mom and pop stores you can get it there. I'll also add that the book is actually published by our non profit Natural Worship and that all the proceeds, 100% of the proceeds go to veteran ceremony. So also if you go to awakeroombury.com you can find links to get in touch if you need a ceremony. We do ceremonies.
- [63:43]
B
Say that one more. Say that one more time.
- [63:45]
A
Awake green beret green.com if you go
- [63:50]
B
greenbur.com I'm just typing it up on another window here. I see it. Awake Green Beret. Born and raised in Jersey.
- [63:57]
A
No, that's not me. I'm not sure what that is.
- [64:00]
B
No, no, no. Okay, so tell me the Website One more time.com should be all the awa
- [64:08]
A
k e all one word.
- [64:11]
B
Green Beret G R E-E-N-B-E-R-E-T.com From Green Beret to Shamanism. One man's journey to Heal. Holistic Recovery for Veterans Discover Transformative Story of Resilience, PTSD Recovery and Shaman Healing. Dale Presley about the author Matthew Perfect. Okay, I found it. There you are. What is that? A tree? What tree are you in? Right there.
- [64:38]
A
It's down by St. George. I'm not sure exact. I think it's like a giant juniper or cedar tree. Yeah, yeah. Huge inside of it.
- [64:46]
B
And old. It's way old. That's an Old tree, bro. Well, you know, what a cool website, you can check it out. There's a buy on Amazon link right there. Go check out awake green beret.com if you want to learn more. And again, it's Awake Green Beret on all the different social media platforms as Matthew was talking about. And again, Matthew, on behalf of all of us here at Soft Rep, welcome aboard to the ship and. And. And thank you for being on the show.
- [65:16]
A
Thanks for having me, brother. Love you, man.
- [65:18]
B
Thank you so much. I love you, too. I really do. And thank you, neighbor. All right. And again, if you guys are having any crazy thoughts and you don't know what a crisis line is or you don't want to talk crisis, hit me up on Instagram. I'll talk you through your crisis, okay? Just hit me up. It's Rad Rockin. I'm there for you. I've had others hit me up. And I actually, I don't mind the conversation. If you have a conversation you want to have, hit me up. Okay? We'll keep it real, though. I promise you that. And then any other questions for my guests, Matthew, visit him Atawake Green Beret.com. reach out to him. I'm sure he's available for anybody that wants to reach out and same type of thing. So, again, thank you so much for being on the show. On behalf of Brandon Webb, Guy, my editor in chief, Callum, my producer, Logan, who's handling all this stuff behind the scenes, and myself, who wakes up and has to do this and make it happen because I make myself do this to make this happen, because that's what connects. Consistency is about, is just keep doing it, keep doing it, keep doing yourself and keep being you and be the best you you can be. And this is Rad, on behalf of Matthew Butler, United States Special Forces shaman, saying peace. That'd be a cool ranger tab. Shaman. I'm gonna leave that on the show. All right. Peace.
- [66:50]
A
You've been listening to Soft Rep Radio. This is an I heart podcast.
- [66:56]
B
Guaranteed human.