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Something Wrong With The Podcast
SWWP #10 - Ashton Hall, March Madness Hero, 'Snow White' Disaster
00:54:29
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- [00:00]
Julian
Nothing wrong with the pussy. Nothing wrong with the pussy. Nothing wrong with the pussy. You guys hear that? Guys, I'm just doing my typical routine before every episode where I'm currently holding a bowl of ice. If you haven't been watching on YouTube, just know that this is how I start every one of my episodes I'm going to do. I also record at 3 in the morning. It's currently local time, 3:26am ET Eastern Standard in New York. I am going to do just my regular recording routine. This isn't anything out of the ordinary. I'm not influenced by anybody. This is just stuff that I do probably about 15 times throughout the day. I'll go through, actually scale up the size of the bowl as the day goes on. This is my medium, my starter bowl in the morning. This is the first dunk of the day, actually my fifth dunk of the day. I've been up since 11:30pm Eastern Standard last night, but I still somehow got 12 hours of sleep because sleep is the ultimate tool to success, obviously. Duh. By no means did someone on my timeline influence me to get into cold plunges, dunking my face in water, or anything that you're about to hear or see or experience in this episode. With that being said, enjoy. Oh, that's cold.
- [01:30]
Mom
All right.
- [01:33]
Julian
Let'S continue. Hey, guys, welcome back. It's your boy, Julian. Welcome to episode 10 of Something Wrong with the Podcast. It's me. Before we go anywhere, call in at 877557SWWP to get in contact with me, your intrusive thought therapist. Guys, my face is freezing right now. I'm gonna probably do a dunk later in the episode. Why not? I might just do them periodically throughout the episode. I've always been a cold plunge guy. I've always been dugging my physical water. This is who I am. And I've been doing it over the course of not only the first of all, 10 episodes. Welcome. I'm so happy to have you all here on this journey. We're 10 weeks in. It's been 10 weeks since I started this show, which means it's been about 14 or 13 or so weeks since I got fired. Wow. Life has changed immensely. For the better. I'm on a health kick. I barely drink. I'm dunking my face in water all the time. We're going to get to the hottest stories today on the timeline because I'm here to have fun. It's the tenth episode. We're here to celebrate success. We're here to celebrate individuality. We're here to celebrate creativity. We're here to celebrate new ventures in in just Breath of Fresh Air. If you're listening to this, I am currently probably on my way to Los Angeles. I fly out this morning and hopefully by the time you listen to this episode and it's over, I have posted that I've landed safely in la. I'm not gonna lie. Got really nervous about my flight back from Austin. The stories are getting to me guys. It's really messing with my head. The hottest story of the timeline though is Ashton Hall. And if you don't know who Ashton hall is, you've clearly been living under a rock your entire life. He's not only the greatest fitness influencer model of all time, he's also just one of the greatest running backs of all time. We'll go over his college stats in a couple seconds here. Ashton hall has an insane morning routine that went viral. I'll have the video up here if you're not familiar. It starts it. He has the famous four minute dive where he jumps in the pool at 336 and all of a sudden it's 340. He is super jacked, has traps on top of his traps. His muscles have muscles. He's. It looks like an action figure, like what someone would hope that the peak male physique would look like. It's a bit cartoonish. And he plays into this shtick of being this like hyper masculine male that has all these incredible routines. He's very polite, says thank you as people off screen hand them just bottles and bottles of Saratoga water. Side note about Saratoga water, where I grew up is about 30 or so minutes south of Saratoga. We would just take Route 50 up there in the summer to go to the racetrack. Saratoga Racetrack is where the horse racetrack is. It's one of the most famous racetracks in the country. They call it the Triple Crown Killer because there is no horse that has won the Triple Crown that has then gone on to win Traverse Stakes, which is the biggest race at Saratoga Raceway. Fun fact about horse racing, Saratoga, Saratoga water is world famous because of the natural springs that Saratoga has now again growing up there. And I used to run cross country in high school and obviously do track as well. You would. It was always customary tradition for you and your teammates to stop by the Saratoga Springs in, take a handful of water and drink it during a race. Actually like in the middle of a cross country race. And you would be surprised that that water is disgusting. The natural water is gross. It's very Metal tasting. It's got a lot like fluoride or whatever is in it and it's disgusting, but it's some of the most pure and like natural water, period. So Saratoga water, brilliant marketing, basically put these sexy blue bottles out, started selling it and it's become like a luxury water. Obviously this spike in sales, I hope that my man here, Ashton hall, my hero, is getting a cut of revenue because he's about to send their business through the roof. It was not a struggling company, but I'm sure they're seeing a surplus of people buying their, their products because of him. So we're looking at Ashton's routine. He's up at 4am doing push ups, he's wiping his face with a banana peel, he's dunking his face in icy water time and time again, all before the sunrise. And of course people see someone like this having gaining viral millions of views, millions of followers. I believe he's at the, by the time this comes out, he's probably hit over 9 million followers. And people found that he used to play at Alcorn State University as a running back. So naturally people want to hate and they want to point out where his shortcomings are. Turns out didn't take too much digging. He played two seasons of football there. He appeared in five games and he had just eight yards in six rushes. It's hard to rush when your routine is this intense and your face is always down in some bowl of water. Fuck rushing. It's not about rushing anymore. It's all about making money. It's all about getting at least 10,000. I'm gonna need about at least 10 thou. You expect me to come back? I need at least 10 thou from you now. Mr. Hall here is from Jacksonville, Florida. He basically stepped away from football, realized that he wasn't going to go pro because you actually need to rush to go probably. And he basically transformed his physique, became addicted to fitness and began working as a personal trainer. This one page called Tips for Men on Twitter reposted him and it amassed over 550 million views. Right. So he basically has a cycle where you follow his routine from 3:50 in the morning to 9:30am and he also said this is a quote from him. Sin lives at night. If you're dealing with a weak mind, bad decisions or lack of productivity, go to sleep early is his advice, which I agree with him on that. I think that's fair to say. No one would question that or the motives. I just love these, these guys, the hyper manosphere Guys, the guys that tape their nose, tape their mouth shut, you know, wax their bodies, thread every, every hair, not a hair is out of place. You put on your Rolex and gold chain to go on a 40 yard wind sprints in the morning in a parking lot in M. It's just very odd that you get, you know, dressed up and put on the jewelry for just the workout portion of your life. But I get it. It's all performative. I'm, I'm really, really, really hoping that Ashton here is in on the joke. He has to be. He understands exactly what he's doing. I'm rooting for him. He's a hero. I think somehow Trump should find a way to put him in a cabinet. He should take over whatever RFK is doing. RFK has got something eating his brain alive. Clearly, Ashton is the peak male. I can't name a better male, more manly man than Ashton Hall. He's clearly the person that we need leading us. He needs to be the. The head of fitness. What, what, what funny acronym meme can elon make the HOF or the. The niggof? They can just, you know, just get racist with it. They can do whatever they want. Supporting Ashton. Big day for men. Big week for men. Ashton is an American treasure. He is a hero. And I hope that every man that takes his workout has incredible gains in votes and, you know, just becomes a better version of themselves and takes a thousand mere selfies. I want to talk about another hero of mine, someone that I've fallen in love with. Across the journey of March Madness, the beautiful month of March, and the beautiful journey of what is college basketball. A lot of upsets have happened. We've seen a lot of great teams go down. Unfortunately, St. John's was knocked out. There goes the, the great hope of New York. Everyone was rooting for them. A great matchup between Rick Pitino and Coach Calipari at Arkansas. Hell of a game. I watched it on Saturday with some friends. Seeing these two heavyweight legend coaches go at it with their, their newer, younger teams and just seeing these two programs that have been dormant for quite some time put on an exciting show and, you know, produce some real, real exciting talent. There's so much good basketball in New Jersey and more often than not, those, those guys leave the, the region to go play elsewhere, mostly in the south because there is just no competitive basketball to play on the collegiate level at St. John's but now there is. It's incredible. The, My favorite story, though, from this tournament hasn't come from the Players themselves. It comes from Amir Khan, who is the manager of McNeese. I don't know how to pronounce the damn school. McNeese. And he has gotten two nil deals. Insomnia, cookies, Buffalo Wild wings. He made over $100,000 in nil. This kid is, is literally cinema. He's just, he's art, poetry in motion. He said if there was stats and numbers for mopping up wet spots and, and you know, taking care of the guys, he'd be Wilt Chamberlain. He, he. It's true. The, the guy is electric. He's a genius. He's also transferring onto a bigger and better program. I hope they have better towels. I hope they give him. I get. I hope they give Amir a sham. Wow. To go out there and change the game. Amir Khan. Amir Oracon. Pardon me. I don't want to forget. His nickname is the. Is what college sports is all about. We, we always rally around the underdog. We always rally around the team that might not make it. The team that everyone's doubting out. And what. Why not take it a step further en route for not only the underdog team, but the manager of that team. The guy that literally will never see the court, that doesn't play basketball at all. Purely there for the vibes, loves music, carries the boombox, walks out with the guys. He went viral because he was rapping one of his favorite songs that he chose in the boombox. And, and now this guy's story is everywhere. We can't avoid Amir, nor do we want to avoid Amir. I'm a big fan of this kid and I think that this is what March Madness should be and hopefully will continue to be about. Fuck Duke, fuck all the top programs. We know those guys are going to win ultimately, those guys. There's never a tournament where the Cinderella's really has a W. In the end, the win column will always go to the big dogs. Let's just focus on them when it's down to the Elite Eight in the final four. In the meantime, let's give all of our attention to the Amir Khan's and the McKins McNeese states of the Worlds and all the small seeds that have a about hoop and a dream. That's all they're doing, man. They're out in Providence, Rhode island getting their ass kicked by 40. But God damn, they got a manager that's a superstar. They got the cheerleaders wearing socks with his face on them. They got this kid sprinting around the court grabbing rebounds. Amir Khan is I'm voting. I don't. Can I vote for him? What can we do? I'll hire him right now. I want him on my team. Guys, with that energy, that level of charisma, you cannot fake him. And Ashton Hall. League of Their Own, Ashton hall also. I would love to see you go blow for blow. Pause, heavy pause. To have some sort of nothing off with Drew Walls. Because you two are the kings of doing nothing. And I need to see who can do nothing harder. Who has more ice available in their repertoire? Who has more aquapona and Saratoga water in their fridge? Who. Who can do a better target run? You guys need to face off in something. I hope the. I hope the, the Paul brothers are behind this in some regard. I hope Dana White gets involved. We just need them in a camera, in a gym, in a supermarket, and just, just go at it. Do nothing. Who can do nothing better? That is where we are as men. Men have the goal of filming themselves, accomplishing nothing and then just doing an insert shot of. Yeah, bro, I'm gonna need that 10,000. I'm gonna need to get back to you, King. Or keep your head up, champ. Just quick insert shot of me saying the most generic nothingness statement and then just packaging it and pumping it out on social media. It is. What a time to be alive, guys. What a time to be alive. It is nothing but shit scariness out here. Ceasefires are getting broken left and right, but we can't take our eyes off the couple Jack guys staring into a camera, covering their mouth with tape, and going through a three hour workout with a closed mouth. That's where we're at as a people. Nothing makes sense anymore. Epcot's on fire, Disney's putting out remakes of movies nobody asked for, and then giving it a woke twist. That's completely tanking in the box office. Now let's follow this story carefully because there are many arms at play here that make this Snow White reboot a disaster. The film costs about $200 million to produce and it's doing about two and a half million in the box office opening weekend, which is laugh out loud funny by how much this is tanking. And it's for more reasons than you think, and I really want to go through all of them. People are boycotting it because of the actors and the story that's also being told. So let's attack this from every angle. Gal Gadot serves in the Israeli army, is a known proud Zionist and is not afraid to show it. She's been very vocal throughout Everything for obviously pro Israel. Rachel Zegler, on the other hand, the other co star, the woman that is playing the Snow White. We'll get to that controversy in a minute. She is very pro Palestinian. She's been the voice of the voiceless and she has been very anti Trump. Actually when the movie came out she said that quote. I find myself speechless in the midst of this, after four years of hatred of us leaning for a world I do not want to live in, leaning us towards a world that I will find hard to raise my daughter in. Leaning us toward the world that will force her to have a baby that she doesn't want. Leading us toward a world that is fearful. I shouldn't be this shocked, but I am. This is obviously following Trump's victory for this second term. This should not have been a loss and certainly should not have been done by so many voters. I echo Ethel Cain's statement more than anything made Trump supporters and Trump voters and Trump himself never know peace. So boom, big dog whistle to right wing punnets and people of that regard. And obviously she is not white. The story of Snow White is the white princess that falls asleep or the white falls sleeve. There's a seven dwarf, she's rescued by Prince Charming, everybody goes home happy, all that stuff. She in herself is not a white woman. They would call her a DEI Snow White because of her ethnicity. So now you're looking at hatred for her because of just her ethnic background. But then also you have to consider it's such an interesting story because there are the people that are pro Israel that support Gal Gadot. There are people that are just like, you know, anti Israel are also just anti Semitic. On a more extreme note, that hate Gal Gadot. There's also the fact that Gal Gadot is just one of the worst actresses of all time. She's a shit actor. So you can also factor into that. And then you have to look at Rachel, the other side of the token pro Palestine speaking up for the other thing. So that now even the co stars are at odds for what their beliefs are. Which again you would think would shouldn't play in part to a child, a kids film. But everything is politicized and it has to be looked at through all these lenses now, especially when you're on these public press runs and you're being vocal online. So you have people rooting for all these different sides and then you have the also the extreme right that hates the fact that Rachel, that Snow White's being played by a woman that's not white. So there's so many things at play because you can think about it. You can have people that hate Rachel because she's not white in playing this character, but then you can also have those same people hate Gal Gadot because she's Jewish and they're just anti Semitic. So it's just like there's many verticals and many entry points for people to not like this film. The girls themselves, Rachel and Gal went on a press run. And here's a little play, a little tidbit of audio from some of the things they said on that press run, which ruffled a lot of feathers on a very specific side of the fence.
- [17:53]
Rachel Zegler
No longer 1937.
- [17:55]
Mom
Not gonna be saved by the prince.
- [17:57]
Rachel Zegler
She's not gonna be saved by the prince. And she's not gonna be dreaming about true love. She's dreaming about becoming the leader she knows she can be and the leader that her late father told her that she could be if she was fearless, fair, brave and true. The original cartoon came out in 1937, and very evidently so there is a big focus on her love story with a guy who literally stalks her.
- [18:20]
Julian
Weird.
- [18:20]
Rachel Zegler
Weird. So we didn't do that this time. I was scared of the original cartoon. I think I watched it once and then I never picked it up again. I watched it for the first time in probably 16, 17 years. The cartoon was made 85 years ago, and therefore it's extremely dated when it comes to the ideas of women being in roles of power no longer.
- [18:46]
Julian
So now you're hearing it from the actresses mouths themselves the. They're leveraging the fact that this is a story now, a modern take on a classic of Snow White finding her voice and taking the power back and not just submitting to the white man who would be deemed the. What do you call him? The prince. The saving prince here. So people are boycotting because they're mad at Rachel Zellger, who's advocating for this more modern take on a story. And now you have like, you know, the left side that's boycotting it because Gal Gadot is a Zionist and supports genocide. So it's like we both hate this, but for different reasons. And people are attacking this from all over. So you have like the end wokeness pages posting the audio from the clip that I just played you putting the dumb music behind it and, you know, being highly critical of Rachel's words. But in fact, there's the left side which is more infuriated. They're all about the woke version of it. They're just more infuriated with the Gal Gadot side of things. It's very, very interesting dynamic, which is explains why this movie's tanking so hard. I do want to say, personally speaking, I have nothing wrong with remakes of classics. I just think they need to be more clear with how they speak about them because this is intellectual property. These all stories that existed. They're historical stories. And I'm not saying preserve the good grace of Snow. Wow. We need more. Why women in t TV media gur not taking that side. I'm just saying why don't you just say the story is a new rendition and loosely based on the original story of Snow White. I don't think it's smart that Disney is just rebranding these things as Snow White and pushing the story as if it's the. Basically the original script and the original plotline, which is obviously not true. Just say, hey, look like, you know, we, we have. We were deep in the women empowerment movement. We want to give women a voice. We actually want to do Disney where we're taking on all of our classic tales. We're usually women are the submissive ones and they're asleep until the right man kisses them and changes their life. We're flipping all those scripts on their head and we're. And we're giving women the power and we're giving them these voices. And yes, they're inspired by the classic films that we used to love and now everybody decided to hate. But we're actually giving these. We're breathing new life into them. And because of that, that's why we're moving forward with women of color playing these roles. We're doing, you know, women, women led teams, production teams, directors, et cetera. I think it'd be a much smoother, I think people, they would still get hate, of course, but I think it would be a much better understanding understandment for the general public if you were just more forthcoming with what your intentions are with these films instead of pumping out this version where Snow White all of a sudden, like, wants to run a business and, you know, isn't, isn't just, you know, asleep the whole time is woke and active and does all these things and goes out and vote and then presenting that as if that was a story the whole time when that wasn't at all what happened. Another thing with the story, they got rid of the dwarves because that's, you know, demeaning to little people. Peter Dinklage's schedule was too busy. They couldn't get his other eight options. So I Believe in this version, they're just redheads now because that's the only marginalized group left that you can still make fun of. I'm sure they'll have their day where there's an uprising for them. But in terms of, at least in 2025, you can still rally around a group of redheads. Pretty sure that's what they did in Wicked. I could just be confusing that with Wicked. But, yeah, they basically got rid of the munchkins. The munchkins aren't short people. Small, whatever, little people. It's just a bunch of redheads now. So I. Hopefully they carried that over into Snow White. Really interesting. I will say this. I will never see this movie. I have no interest in seeing this movie at all. It was. It sounded like. It's horrible. It's performing horribly, to no surprise. I just think it's very interesting that the. This movie, the disaster of this movie is a perfect representation of people's want to justify their outrage and feel validated by something failing. Again, there's people that are angry at Gal Gadot and being, you know, a Zionist and. And, you know, seemingly supporting a genocide, not seemingly supporting an open genocide to a group of people, and also putting on some of the worst acting anyone has ever seen and somehow getting a Hollywood star for it. I mean, that doesn't help their narrative, that they don't control the media, all that stuff that people say. But then there's on the side of Rachel where it's like, damn it, this ethnic woman. She's got back hair. She looked better. Get her out of here. So it's just interesting how hatred can meet in the middle and they can both boycott because of mutual disdain for different causes. I just think that's very interesting how people's hatred can, you know, find at some point, the Venn diagram overlaps and this movie seems to be the case where that is true. So, yeah, Disney, Epcot's on fire. The remakes of your films are tanking. You have racist Twitter going into a frenzy saying, this is why I told you so. It's because of these. Because they're bombing people. Or it's the other side of the token where it's close ups of Rachel's back. It's just. It's just dirty, like, along the way. Not Rachel's back's not dirty. I'm saying, though, the whole Internet's. It's a smear campaign and it's dirty how low people will swing to make sure that their reason for something failing is validated. We're back. Yep, just did another dunk. And you're probably wondering, Julian, why have you done this on any other episodes? And I would say, mind your business. I do this every episode, three times an episode. You're just not watching hard enough. Something I did want to point out about these, the guys, the Drew Walls and the Ashton Halls is. And I have some friends that do this too. Something I've realized is that like it's not even about the morning routine. It's just about these tiny, disciplined little habits. And all these do is just create the self image of yourself that you want. And you're basically just creating the version of the person you hope to be and you aspire and you want to become. I have friends that like buy things or have things or implicitly are meticulous about things because they want to see themselves as that type of person. I have one friend in particular that I constantly make fun of for doing stuff like that. I call it, I think it's all very performative. I love him to death, but it's just, you know, I think he kind of categorically falls into one of these guys. And I think that's like the men in particular are really taking hold of that. The aesthetic of perfection, the aesthetic of I, I am this version of myself. Because you are in, in fact doing the very things that you're saying you are. But it's, it's not out of, is not a genuine love for these things or want to do these things. It's because of the image that it portrays to the public of who you are. Again, I think a lot of this stuff is extremely performative, but there is a market there for it. And there are a hundreds of thousands of insecure kids, young boys and even grown men that are struggling to find their purpose or haven't found it and find comfort in these guys that have or seemingly have like the Andrew Tates that pump, dip into a gym, do 10 push ups, 12 sit ups, rack a couple, throw up a couple weights and then it's like, damn, that one day that could be me. Well, if it's not going to be me, at least I can watch him doing it. And I enjoy watching him doing it. Or it's like, you know, you psych yourself out. It's like, damn, this guy starts his day at three in the morning. I don't have that level of discipline, but I can appreciate someone that does. The guys that do that do not have it all figured out. And I really want you guys to understand that that's again, it's. It's a. It's a. It's a version that they're projecting of themselves. They're no better than you. You are exactly where you're you're meant to be in anything you want to change circumstantially in your life. You have the power to do so. And it doesn't have to start with you waking up at 3am and running a sub 440 and dunking your face in water and spending an absurd amount of money on only bottled water. Which is extre wasteful that these guys are doing that in a moment of real truth. I know I've been joking for most of this episode, but I do want to cut through and speak to you as a man. A man with many flaws and is constantly changing and evolving over time. You do not need to mirror the lifestyle that you see of those who seemingly online have it all together. Getting a million views and a hundred thousand comments doesn't mean you have the blueprint to success. It means you figured out what works for a very specific demo. In a market, there is marketability there. Are you the listener as a man or woman? This is kind of an apply all thing. Are you trying to market yourself and become an influencer like these guys do? Or are you actually trying to become a better version of yourself? More often than not, that work is not shared on camera. That work is done in in silence and in private. And when there is no music in your headphones or a podcast in your ear. That work is done when your head is on your pillow at night and you're staring at the ceiling and you can't sleep and you know the very thing that is keeping you up and you're telling yourself, should I address it? Do I give it the, the, the stage that it deserves? Do I say these things out loud? I am someone that is a firm believer in the energy of speaking something, not like speaking it into existence. I think that's I'm not going down that role because I know the stigma that that phrase gets. But I I've gone through some things recently where I myself have known about them internally for say three to four months. But I finally had the comfort to speak about them. And this was like some relationship stuff with friends and even my parents too as well. And in doing so, something I've been holding in for like two to three months, saying it over the course of like two to three days with the people that I love and care about and hear and getting their opinions and having them Offer, you know, advice, feedback, just. Or just being an ear for me to speak to and just articulate these thoughts out loud. That has done so much work for what. So much for me and what I've been actively trying to work on than me, you know, changing my routine or doing something differently internally that I've seen online or some work for someone else. I think a lot of people are afraid to do. A lot of the work that starts with yourself begins from within, and you have to do those things from within. Not everything can be fixed because you know how to bench 225. I can bench 225. I have a lot of shit that's going wrong in my world. I can. I threw up 225 for the first time last summer. Last summer was one of the worst summers I'd ever had. Just because you're strong doesn't mean your. Your. Your strength is beyond the physical. A lot of people that are incredibly strong and physically strong are actually doing that because that seems to be the only thing they control in their life, is how big can I get, how much mass can I add on to my frame? That's my outward showing of success. But you never actually address the internal issues and the internal struggles that you have that we all have. I'm not special or different than anybody else that's going through something. I'm constantly going through problems. But you, you'd be a fool to think that those problems will be solved by someone else online that has all problems of their own. I guess I'll leave you with that. All right, it's that time of the episode. Let's get into some voicemails. Remember, call this number to get in contact with me, your intrusive thought therapist at 877-557SWP. I found a very specific voicemail that when I heard, I didn't think it was right for me to just answer on my own. And in a situation as delicate as this voicemail is, I wanted to call in someone who I often lean on for difficult conversations in my life. So I basically got my mom on board here. So let's. Let's play this voicemail together.
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Jazz June
Hey, Julian, what's up? My name is Jazz June, 34. Originally from Florida. I moved to San Diego, like 2018, a bit of a crossroads and just needed advice. I live by myself. I'm that guy that reached out to you on your life about just be constantly getting let down by failed potential relationships. And I just been really down lately. And I checked myself into a mental hospital Because I was thinking way too negatively and I wasn't sleeping well and having a hard time wanting to be here. So a little nervous about going back to work. I work on a naval base out here and I let my job know that what happened and I know I have to go back at least by tomorrow. And how do I carry myself when everybody knows I'm not well and not feel judged? I don't know. I'm. I just wish I could just take some time off and take care of my mental. But just some advice that really help. I hope you hear this would really appreciate it because I just don't know who to talk to. Unfortunately therapy. I can't get any therapy until like another week from now. So any advice would really mean a lot. I'm still not doing well mentally but I'm trying to keep myself around friends and been having friends come to my place and talk to me. So any help would be amazing.
- [33:13]
Mom
Can you tell me what he said? How he described what prompted him to. Did he. Did he check himself in somewhere?
- [33:24]
Julian
He said he checked himself into a mental hospital. Basically he doesn't want to feel judged. I feel him because it's like you tell everybody what's going on but you also don't want them to overcompensate or treat you differently. And you're obviously hyper aware when that's happening. If someone's like being delicate with you or constantly checking in on how you're asking and it's like doesn't even if it's out of the goodness of their heart, it could seem disingenuous or just like a little performative because of your situation. I completely get that.
- [33:54]
Mom
Well, I want to say first to the young man that I really applaud him for wanting to speak in this kind of forum to be open about what is pain is about in terms of being able to recognize it and to know that he needed to seek treatment or help that was greater than him. These are the kinds of skills that a lot of people struggle to even get to in their lives. And he's only 34. I mean, you know, I'm speaking out of both sides of my mouth in that 34, you're an adult. But from where I'm sitting at the age I'm at, there's still so much more to learn about life and your own human condition. So bravo to him that he's already trying hard. Whether it's from a desperate cry for help and then knowing that he's going to need some sort of ongoing Support to shore him up beyond just the friend group and the family.
- [35:15]
Julian
Yeah, he's.
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Mom
He's going to get skills and tools that. That will help him. And I just want to put out there that if when he connects with a therapist and it's not the right fit, you move on to find the next therapist. Don't give up. So what happens now? Because he sounds like you're right, Julian, that he's still in a crisis mode of some sort. And ours, I don't know enough about the mental health system to understand how long they'll hold on to you in a clinical setting or when they decide that they have to release you even though the person isn't ready.
- [36:09]
Julian
Yeah.
- [36:10]
Mom
So great that he's having a friend come over. I think he needs to put the people he's closest to, hopefully there's a family member or another friend to put them on high alert so that he can text and call, reach out anytime he needs them, and they'll be there. Hopefully that'll happen for him.
- [36:38]
Julian
I think you're right. In terms. I want to go back to one of the first things you said about getting to the point of going to ask for help beyond your immediate friend group or family, which is. We've talked about what the stuff that I'm like, working on right now. For the second time in my life, I'm gonna try to get a therapist for very different reasons than the first time I tried to get one. But point is, like, I've relied so heavily on. I mean, you literally right now. I called you because I wanted your opinion on this, but I've relied so much on you and a very few select group of people, friends that I value. And in my life, that has been my, like, subsidized therapy. But that's not. I know that that's not. That's not the fix. Fix for whatever. That's not the method that I should be doing. That's not how I should have been going about this. I should have gone beyond the people I have access to and have gone the professional route. So, like, just to what you said for that he's already like, you know, not to try to compare here, but he's already, you know, a step or two ahead of me in terms of, like, actionably doing something to better himself beyond feeling like he's burdening his family and friends.
- [37:54]
Mom
And, you know, it's the kind of thing where the family and friends will always be there. That's that blanket that you can be wrapped in while you're in Therapy. But a therapist worth their weight in gold will recognize and help you pull out of yourself what's really underneath, whatever the symptom is or whatever he's presenting with and then provide tools and some sort of a structure from which he can feel that, oh, I'm feeling this and this is the source of it. And I now understand how I can respond to it in this moment. I mean, and that takes a long time for some people.
- [38:52]
Julian
Yeah.
- [38:52]
Mom
And some people get that quicker. But it. Nobody's keeping score. In other words, he's brave to know that I need something more than just that soft place to fall with my family and with my friends. And it really helps when family or friends say to you, I'm always going to be here for you. But I think there are things that you will be able to tease out and look at honestly with the right therapist. And we might be the source of some of your pain and your struggle and we have to take our ego out of it.
- [39:35]
Julian
Yeah. What, what about to his work?
- [39:38]
Mom
So going back to work. Yeah, let's talk about that. Yeah. So look there. I think we're in a much better place in society than we were when I was a young person and we had a very narrow view of mental health issues. We now understand that the brain as an organ can create its own diseases just the way from the neck down does. But I understand that it could feel embarrassing because I'd love to say that your boss isn't going to tell anybody and no one's going to know your business, but the truth is we know what it's like in a work environment also. So that's why I wanted to lead.
- [40:31]
Julian
He's at a naval base too. So the, you know.
- [40:34]
Mom
Yeah, it's a small world.
- [40:35]
Julian
Well, that. But also, I mean I'm just, I could just be projecting the, the energy that comes with like a military adjacent job career path is more of that macho manned manosphere energy.
- [40:50]
Mom
It could be, yes. It used to always be. But. Or I'm sorry, generally was. But I'd like to think that it's a little more progressive now, but I really can't speak to that. I don't know. But here's what I think he needs to do. He needs to remind himself that he owes no one an explanation that he doesn't want to give one to should somebody question or make a comment, you know, the, the power of not saying anything in return. The power of I'm not discussing this or no. Can really send the message to the other person that you've overstepped a boundary. And I'm not in any way, shape or form obliged to explain myself. I would think that he. That's how I led with. He needs to be proud of himself.
- [41:57]
Julian
Yeah.
- [41:57]
Mom
As. No matter how much pain he's in, he knows well enough that he needed the help and still needs the help. And for all we know, Julian, there are people at work are struggling with the same thing or similar issues, and without them ever admitting it to him, they're thinking, wow, he's getting the help. Maybe I really ought to do this. We never know. We have to have some faith that the people are still cheering on the person that wants to figure things out and get help. I also wondered if for this week, could he look into a support group where he could go to at night or when his day is done.
- [42:58]
Julian
Yeah. To fill that week of him not being able to do therapy, to not only rely on the friends and family. Is there something he can do on a smaller level that could be that.
- [43:12]
Mom
Yes.
- [43:12]
Julian
Yeah.
- [43:13]
Mom
I don't know if it's the hospital where he was or the facility. Is there a group that he could be an outpatient and come in, you know, kind of like that AA structure where there's support groups in his area where he could check in and get. Get that help. Tell them to call, keep calling into you.
- [43:36]
Julian
Yeah, that's true. Line's always open. You could always reach back out to me if this, if this works, if this really is something that, you know, is helping you throughout this process. Reach out to me. I think that's. That's great as well. Again, I'm not a professional, but. But if there is some peace or some comfort you get from. From this, then I'm glad that I at least have to play some part in that.
- [44:01]
Mom
Right, right. And I don't know what his. If there's anything faith based that he's into, you know, he could seek out the help of a. A mentor or an iman, a priest, a rabbi. I don't know.
- [44:26]
Julian
I mean, you know, this and people that. Listen, I'm not religious by any means, but I do know people that in similar situations who are also not religious will just go to a church or pre. Because I said this earlier in this episode, actually a lot of this stuff stems from just articulating it and speaking it and saying it. And whether that is to someone you know or someone you don't know, there's a lot of release that comes from just acknowledging it and giving something the space it needs. To exist like outside of your body. So if going to a priest or going to a confessional or whatever, however other religions do that I only know, like the, you know, Catholic, just sit in the booth and they have the partition there. If that's the release you need. Regardless of what the other person on the other side says, which I'm sure will be good things. And, you know, if they're saying, you know, put life in the hand of God, if you can choose to dismiss or whatever, leave with it what you will. But if it will just help you to talk to someone that you have no connection with, that has no, in no self interest in any way, just can be an ear for you to use, I think that could be a good help. Just go to a confessional and just like, let it fly and just like say how you feel.
- [45:44]
Mom
And can I also simply tell that when you were saying this, I thought of this. Wherever he had been in that medical environment, he could maybe go back and ask them if they know of a group therapy where he can participate for this week while he's waiting for the first session with a therapist. Yeah, you know what, what would, how would they help him put together some sort of a stopgap for the next seven days?
- [46:21]
Julian
Yeah. Cause that is a long time. If you're going through this. It is difficult. Oh, you say a week in another context, you're like, oh, that's fast. But when you're, you're eating yourself up mentally and, you know, I'm sure the nights are long and you probably are sleeping like shit. Like these things, they compound and that by that second, third day, you're probably like, I gotta do something.
- [46:43]
Mom
Absolutely. And we don't know what the diagnosis was and it's none of our business. We just know that he's strong enough to say, I still need help and I've got something lined up, but I'm still not better and every moment feels heavy for me. So you're just trying to put together some recommendations for him to. Building a safety net.
- [47:13]
Julian
Yeah.
- [47:15]
Mom
And going back to work. Let's say this again. I mean, you're right. Articulating it is. We always say it's half the battle when you're finally allowing yourself to be transparent. But, you know, in a worse situation, he's obligated to let his boss know where he's been.
- [47:37]
Julian
Well, he said, he said they know. They are aware.
- [47:40]
Mom
Yeah. But he has no control over what the gossip is. And so that's where I, I feel really bad about that, but I Don't want to get lost or distracted by that. Just remember that. You know, I don't. I don't want to say on what I say about people to you sometimes, but, you know, when people's motives are pure or aren't kind, you just have to, like, shelve them. Just keep telling yourself that's on them. Oh, that's that famous line now from that one woman who. Mel Gibbs. Mel. Not Mel Gibson, the actress. Mel Robbins. But it is, it is on them. Those words coming out of their mouths. And we're expecting that they're going to say negative stuff, but maybe they won't. Please try not to give that any weight.
- [48:42]
Julian
My experience with. Not to what he's talking about, but I'm trying to even, like, put these into my world or my terms. Like when I was waning off of like, like the drug stuff or even like in January when I did my dry January, my whole thing was, I don't want my friends and the people I know or people I work with like to treat me differently or change their behavior because I'm trying to be a change of something about myself. I'm trying to better myself. So I would jokingly say to my friends, like, do all the drugs you want. Like, don't. Don't be like, oh, shit, Julian's here. We can't do this anymore. Like, we got to, you know, let's wait till he's out of the room. I never want to be like, the reason people, you know, need to also modify, modify. I don't want to be.
- [49:29]
Mom
Yes.
- [49:29]
Julian
I don't want to be the reason why. Like, I walk into the room and suck the air out of it because I'm no longer this version. It's like, life goes on. I'm just address. I'm just saying this out loud and I'm changing this for myself. But I'm not here to up the environment that works for everybody else. And I think that's kind of what he's saying about work too, is he's like, I know I'm going through some shit and it's difficult and this sucks for me, but it's for me to work on, which he is doing in the week, therapy happening. The mental thing, like, I'm working on it. I got it. I believe in myself to become a better version of myself. In the meantime, don't bend the knee and become like this, like, weird, like, caretaker or giver. If it's, you know, I just, I understand that side of things. Nor like, yeah, if it Goes that route. And then the other route is what you were saying, like if they start, you know, talking about him on his back or like bullying her, make a fun of him, which is like, that's corny as. But people do that. So then that's the other option. But I don't know.
- [50:30]
Mom
Well, I. I think you're right that if he's hearing you describe, it could either be where people are tiptoeing around you or adjusting their way that they're handling you anymore, or they're talking about you behind your back. You know, this is Primary School 101. Something as serious as what he's struggling with or something that seems so minor. Maybe you had to get glasses and now they're going to call you four eyes in school. It's all hurtful. It's relative to how old we are and when it's happening. But the same advice you'd give that little boy in. In third grade is the same advice I'd give a young man who's carrying a heavy weight right now and trying to work through it and. And understand himself and get the help that he needs. So you have to. All that noise. He's got to work really hard at, you know, keeping himself insulated from that noise and maybe have a mantra where he says, that says more about that person than it says anything about me.
- [51:58]
Julian
Yeah.
- [51:59]
Mom
And that's why, if he could have some phone support group support, friend and family support, not just for this week, but. But just during those times when the quiet makes his mind, his brain tells stories to him that makes his pain come back. You know, that's. That's. I've learned a lot about how the brain always wants to go back, pull you back to what's familiar. And familiar isn't always healthy.
- [52:37]
Julian
Yeah.
- [52:38]
Mom
So you're. You're rewiring your brain with the help of a therapist. It gives you the tools to do this.
- [52:45]
Julian
Yeah.
- [52:47]
Mom
Anyway, I'm. I wish him all the best. I do.
- [52:51]
Julian
Same man. And, yeah, we're. I'm. I'm here. And now my mom's here, too, pulling her in anytime.
- [52:59]
Mom
And we don't have to do it in this form. If he calls in and you want me to, you know, we'll give more advice with you. We'll do it.
- [53:06]
Julian
Yeah.
- [53:06]
Mom
But remember, I'm. I'm just a mom.
- [53:09]
Julian
Honey, you're more than that. Okay? I'll. I'm gonna finish this episode. I'll. I'll call you back. I love you. Thank you, love.
- [53:18]
Mom
All right, Take care.
- [53:19]
Julian
Bye.
- [53:19]
Mom
Bye.
- [53:19]
Julian
Bye. Oh. Gotta love you, Mom. Mom's a hero. Well, guys, we. We made it. Episode 10 is in the books. You got to watch me dunk my face in water a few times. We talked about manhood, fragility, Snow White, you heard from my mom, and she gave some amazing advice, as she always does, in the celebratory spirit. I'm going to do one more dunk here on camera, and then I'm going to get out of here. Guys, I love you all. Thank you so much for joining me on this journey. We are 10 weeks in. I'm excited for the following 10 and the more weeks to come. It really means a lot to me, guys, and I love you. And yeah, I'll be in all a next week. If you're around, hit me up. I'm trying to play some basketball, trying to, you know, circle some sun, see some friends. I will be outside. I will be in the streets of la. You know, I'm good on the west coast, unlike some other people that we may know. All right. Love y'all. Peace. Nothing wrong with the pussy.