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Sass
Hey, son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.
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Roan
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Harry
all right, ready? Alrighty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy dad podcast. This, this episode, this comes out tomorrow, right?
Sass
Yeah.
Harry
Oh, cool. All right. It is May 6th. It is 3:20pm and we are here live from HQ3. Welcome back. How are we doing everybody? Feel like I haven't seen you guys in eight hours or so.
Sass
We're backlogging a bunch of episodes because I have to travel next week or the week after Surviving Bar.
Roan
We both do. You've got that. And then I've got Ireland.
Sass
I was trying to cover, I was trying to cover for you, make it my. My absence.
Roan
But no, it's a shared absence.
Sass
Shared absence.
Harry
I'm also going to be away but it just happened to be work out very well for me.
Sass
Where are you going?
Harry
Oh, I'm going to be in Atlanta.
Sass
Oh.
Harry
Actually, I don't know. Live show or no Maybe that's the week before. That's next week, so.
Sass
Yeah, that'll be sick. That'll be a lot of fun. Yeah. I'm excited.
Harry
To Atlanta.
Sass
I got offered today by Jenks to do a fish week in Florence, Italy.
Harry
Oh, wow. Really?
Sass
Whoa.
Harry
He says there are a lot of fish out there.
Sass
Yeah.
Harry
In Florence?
Sass
Yep.
Harry
Really?
Sass
A lot of fish in Florence.
Harry
Interesting. I didn't know that. I don't even think I saw water when I was in Florence.
Sass
Really?
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
Oh, you're asleep. That's where all the prime fishing is.
Harry
Must be. I mean, maybe. What is he, like, rivers or what?
Roan
Tuscany.
Sass
Yeah. Interesting. Some beautiful. And then he said we could hunt rabbits out there as well. He wanted to offer us Florence in the fall.
Harry
We hunted them with fall.
Roan
Do we hunt them with dogs?
Sass
The rabbits? Yes. And double barreled shotguns.
Roan
Oh, shit.
Sass
So for when they jump into the air, you have to catch them out of the air.
Roan
Well, who was good at shooting? Remember the rabbit?
Harry
Them.
Roan
When we did clay shooting, we shot the rabbit that was running along the ground.
Sass
Yeah.
Harry
Probably roan.
Sass
Sass is good.
Roan
It was definitely you, too. I was terrible at it.
Harry
I was terrible at it, too. The only one that I did well on was the last time I went.
Sass
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Harry
You were good at it.
Sass
When they had the detonators on the back of all the clays that they were just pressing every time. Cool.
Harry
I just remember that two piece that I got. I think about it every day.
Roan
That was a good one.
Harry
So nice.
Sass
Sick. It was the two piece.
Harry
It was very sick.
Roan
Yeah, the two piece.
Harry
Just b.
Sass
Imagine doing that with a rabbit and you're wearing like a Jeff cap in Tuscany, like in the Godfather when Michael's on the run. That'd be so nice.
Harry
Yeah, I mean, I get. I get fired up when I do that in like a video game. Like in real life. You're like, damn, that was sick.
Sass
Like I could end someone.
Harry
Yeah, well, I don't think about it in that way.
Sass
Of course. You're. You kind of had like a Dan Bilzerian strut to you after that. There was a live shooting locally, and you told one of the cops to give you his gun.
Harry
Give me a gun.
Sass
Give me a gun.
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I'll handle it.
Harry
Do you guys have a shotgun in the back? Why would we have that?
Sass
Do you know about Dan Bilzerian doing that?
Roan
I heard about that.
Sass
Yeah.
Roan
That was in. When there was the Vegas shooter.
Sass
Yeah. Yes.
Harry
He was like, nearby and he was like yelling at a cop.
Sass
I think he was being filmed Too. I think he had, like, a live streamer with him.
Harry
100%.
Sass
Let's get in there.
Harry
Yeah. And he was yelling at. He was like, give me your gun. And they were like, get the fuck out of here. And we're trying to do our jobs. Give me the most important day of our jobs ever. And we got you just yapping in our ears.
Sass
Backseat quarterbacking. Backseat driving guy who does.
Harry
He doesn't even know what's going on. He has. No way are they there this way briefed on anything. I'm just going to start shooting at random windows, hoping to nail the guy.
Sass
There's no, like, earpiece with anybody.
Harry
Nothing.
Sass
Just firing into the air.
Harry
Just raw instinct.
Sass
Yeah. That would have never happened in Turkey. Where do they have the weddings where they fire off handguns into the air right after the wedding?
Harry
I don't know.
Roan
Probably Syria.
Sass
Syria. Gotta be Syria. That's a little scary.
Roan
Someone told me once that people get killed from the bullets falling from the sky and landing on people, but that's
Harry
actually a heavily debated thing.
Roan
I wonder if that's true. Is that a myth? Can we look that up?
Harry
I was just going to say I'm pretty sure mythbusters did a whole episode on it.
Roan
Okay.
Sass
That nobody. What do you mean?
Harry
Like, if you shoot a bullet right up in the air, will it come right back down?
Sass
Oh, of course not. The slightest angle would change that.
Harry
Yeah, yeah.
Roan
It's going to not come down straight on top of you, but that doesn't
Sass
mean, like, you'd have to be perfect.
Harry
But it would kill someone if they. If it hit them.
Roan
Look at this. High fatality data shows that about 32% of people struck by falling bullets and celebratory gunfire incidents die. Well, that's the fatality rate. I would. That makes sense to me.
Harry
But the other, like, the other people that are getting hit, even if they don't die, they're still probably getting fucked up.
Sass
But they're not at the party. It's like, out of sight, out of
Harry
mind off of them.
Sass
68% of people are not at the party. Yeah, they're somewhere else. They're like. It's the. The safest place to be. It's like the eye of the storm. Yeah. It's the safest place to be. Right next to the gunman who's firing off into the air.
Harry
Most victims are hit on top of
Sass
the head, and that's also probably a nice, nice way to go.
Harry
Brad. Best case.
Roan
Sc enter your skull like a bank. It's a perfect pebble Just being thrown very high.
Sass
Yeah, no slash. 10 out of 10 at the Olympics. Yeah, that's a pretty, I guess, scary way to go.
Roan
But okay, then my question also would be, you know, these are such dumb questions and I'm gonna. I need your help. Right. From the physics of it, like the rotation of the earth, the bullets are not leaving the atmosphere, I presume.
Harry
No, I doubt it.
Roan
So does that mean therefore that if you shoot a bullet straight up into the air as the earth, I mean it's not. How long does it take for it to come back down? Obviously that depends on like the caliber of the weapon and the strength and stuff like that. Right?
Harry
I mean, yeah, if you're shooting it straight up, like the caliber of the. Or I guess what kind of gun you're using would probably determine how high up.
Sass
I think it's more the caliber of the man actually. The man shooting it.
Roan
I'm prefacing this. I understand that this is really stupid of me. I was never good at science. But you shoot it straight up in the air, the earth doesn't rotate in enough time such that the next town over would get hit.
Sass
That's how they do warfare these days. You just. Northern Korea shoots it until it spins under.
Roan
Okay, all right, all right, good point.
Sass
Drops right back down.
Roan
That was really. I knew it was dumb, but I had to say it. I'm not afraid.
Sass
Well, if you shoot a high caliber enough bullet far enough into the air, you can wait an entire day until it comes right back down on the exact same spot. If you time it up right.
Roan
Damn, dude. There it is. The upward journey. Return trip usually take about a minute. That wouldn't be enough time for the earth to rotate.
Harry
No, no.
Sass
To get a full town over, but maybe a couple streets over.
Harry
I feel like a minute is honestly pretty long.
Roan
Well, if I found my next door neighbor sleeping with my wife, I would definitely.
Harry
Yeah, that's the method.
Roan
Get out of slight angle. Yeah, it's a mortar at that point. It's a mortar.
Harry
There's no way of them. Like you were never in the house.
Roan
No.
Harry
You shot over the house.
Roan
I'm shooting a mortar at danger close risk.
Harry
You can get off on that. I shot over the house. It was like. I didn't have any intention of hurting anybody. Obviously I didn't sit outside and calculate the angle that the bullet would take to.
Roan
Oh, he's dead. I'm sorry. I was celebrating their love. No, it was a celebration. I was so happy to see them fucking each other.
Sass
It is the perfect Crime. Because if you wanted to kill, you would shoot at you. Just point the gun at them.
Harry
Exactly.
Sass
Not the sky.
Harry
Exactly. Why would I have shot in the sky if I wasn't planning on killing them?
Sass
Someone must have used this defense before. This has definitely how OJ got away with it or something.
Harry
The problem is though, if you hit a perfect shot, your best odds are 32% of killing the person. And that's if you hit the perfect shot.
Sass
And then that's part of the defense. It's like, yeah, even if I hit them, I had known beforehand, there's only
Harry
a 30% chance they die.
Roan
Yeah. Except even if they don't die, you know, they're getting hit on the top of the head and they're probably a vegetable for a while.
Harry
That's what we assume, but we're not positive.
Roan
Well, my point is, you tell your wife, thick head of hair, you still love that guy. The guy you're gonna have to spoon feed applesauce from the corner of his
Harry
mouth out of the sky and hit him.
Roan
Or you want to come back to me? Able bodied gun shooting guy, you know,
Sass
guy who can find the loopholes in the law, get away with things.
Roan
We're on to chicken Little. Where did this come from?
Sass
Sky. Oh, yeah. Oh, an A here.
Roan
Just googling stuff that matters to him.
Sass
Chicken Little. Don't tell me Chicken little was Turkish. Turkey liver. Wow. That was a character. Ducky, Lucky goosey, Lucy and Turkey. Oh, Turkey lurkey. Turkey. Turkey.
Harry
I haven't seen that movie in decades.
Sass
Days.
Harry
You watch it recently? Have you guys watched this? The Dark Wizard? This documentary?
Sass
No.
Harry
Climbing doc?
Roan
Nope.
Harry
Pretty good. I'm only. I only watched the first episode, but I think it's gonna get pretty crazy.
Roan
He's a climber.
Harry
He's a climber, but I think he's kind of nuts. It's about this dude named Dean. Dean Potter.
Roan
Oh, I'm gonna check this out.
Sass
And a BASE jumper.
Roan
Yeah. Don't. Don't want to. I don't want to see much more. I love these things.
Harry
Yeah, the. I will say I watched. I watched the first episode last night. And like probably for the first, like, I think it's like an hour each. For the first, like 45 minutes, I was like, oh, this is just another climbing documentary. And then like the last 15 minutes they were like.
Sass
And then it gets crazy.
Harry
Yeah. Yeah. You start going, why is it called Dark Wizard? Why is he the Dark Wizard?
Sass
Wow.
Harry
I just have to wait and wonder.
Roan
I'm reading a book right now that is getting more and more interesting. It's called London Falling by Patrick Radden Keefe. A number of people have sort of. I've seen this book popping up in different places and it's written by Acorn.
Sass
It wasn't London.
Roan
Yeah, yeah. The same guy wrote say Nothing about the troubles in Ireland, which I think I've referenced before. But this book is about this kid named Zach, and I'm only 50 pages in, so hopefully I'm not giving anything away. If you really are reading this and haven't gotten to 50 pages yet, I mean, I don't know if we'd call that a spoiler, but just skip ahead a minute. This kid, like was living in London with his family, grew up in London, normal family, like upper middle class, whatever, maybe even lower upper class. But they. He became obsessed with the oligarchs who moved to London in like 2016, 2017, whatever, around that time.
Sass
The Russian oligarchs.
Roan
Yeah. Who were escaping, you know, Putin and Putin wanting to sort of retake their. Their wealth. And they moved to London and they went to private schools. They sent their kids to private schools. And he became obsessed with that. And he, he starts becoming friends with like older men when he was in high school and stuff and like running around making calls and setting up real estate deals.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
And all of a sudden he has like hundreds of thousands of dollars and his parents are like, where the did you get that? Like, doesn't go to college and they're trying to support him, but he'll like spend multiple nights away at his buddy, like Akbar's house. And Akbar is like a 45 year old real estate tycoon. And so they're kind of worried about it. And then he goes missing. And what we learn now is that his name is like Zach Bettner or something like that. To everyone else that he's been dealing with, he's been going by the name like Zach Ismailoff and speaking with a Russian accent, claiming that his father is worth billions of dollars and that he is the son of a Russian oligarch. And his parents had no idea because he would constantly step outside really quick to take a. Yeah. At which point I presume he would go out and speak with a Russian accent.
Harry
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Roan
He's been living this life and now. And it's getting really, really interesting.
Harry
Sounds good.
Roan
True story. Yeah.
Sass
Wow.
Roan
The book starts with him killing himself.
Harry
Oh, shit. So then what happens after now we
Roan
go back to the beginning now.
Harry
I'm kidding. Yeah.
Sass
That's an even bigger spoiler.
Roan
And he's been. You know, I read the back cover.
Sass
He.
Roan
He like got in with the Russian mob or something and like the London underworld.
Harry
Bert recommend this? Did Bert recommend this?
Roan
No.
Sass
Gets in with the mob.
Harry
Yeah. Russian mob.
Roan
Oh, machine.
Sass
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Roan
I missed it.
Sass
Classic burp bit.
Harry
Classic that he has.
Sass
Yeah, that. That sounds like a classic. Any chance we see it as a major motion picture?
Roan
Oh, for sure. Yeah. I don't see why not. I'll make it.
Sass
Oh, do that. Do us that solid.
Roan
I'll make this movie.
Sass
Do. Do me that one solid of making this. How long have you been reading?
Roan
Longer than I would be comfortable admitting.
Sass
Yeah, take it to Slog.
Roan
It's not. I just haven't. I lost. I lost my. My sort of wind a bit. I was reading a lot and then this one's taken me. But it's a very good book, so I should get into it soon.
Harry
Took you a little bit to get to that 50 page mark, though.
Roan
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Harry
50.
Sass
I brought up a touchy subject.
Harry
50s. Usually when I'm like, yeah, I guess I'll take a break. You know, I guess, like, yeah, maybe I'll get some food.
Roan
I've read this.
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Roan
Well, what's going on, Harry?
Sass
You.
Roan
You got some fun stuff happening.
Harry
Do I.
Roan
How's your. How's your move been?
Harry
Good.
Sass
Good.
Harry
It's been good. I. I mean, nothing really crazy nothing. No updates.
Roan
Have you unpacked?
Harry
I, like, did. I mean, I'll do like, probably. I'd say I do probably about 10 minutes of unpacking a day.
Sass
You're busy reading?
Harry
Yeah, exactly. I'm. I'm working through London's falling.
Roan
Ten minutes of unpacking. A day?
Harry
Well, the first.
Sass
Because the thing is, like, take you years. Yeah, bro.
Harry
The first day. I will say also, my old apartment had way more room for, like, clutter. Like, I had those shelves so I could just like, toss on the shelves constantly. Yeah, this place. There's no. There's nothing. It's like just drawers.
Sass
You're talking drawers or closets?
Harry
Drawers. A lot of drawers and a lot of closets. And so I gotta kind of be more. Or you're gonna be folding a lot of folding and hanging.
Sass
Yeah, that's tough. I think you got to just get your. Go find the cheapest place by you, have them wash your laundry, have them
Harry
fold out of it, brother.
Sass
But I'm saying, like, if you want your clothes folded. I don't see you folding your clothes like that.
Roan
He's right.
Harry
I don't. When I get my laundry picked up from those places, they're getting unfolded immediately.
Roan
What?
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Why?
Harry
Well, I don't have a good method for my clothes.
Roan
You don't just take a stack of T shirts and put those.
Harry
I don't have, like, in my old apartment, I didn't have, like, a good dresser.
Sass
Yeah, but. But like more of just a stack. Unfolding the shirt. Like, that's bad method. That's not.
Roan
Just stack is so generous.
Sass
Ye.
Roan
It was a single layer.
Harry
Yeah, it was a mountain of clothes.
Roan
No, it wasn't even a mountain. Every, every.
Harry
You see it all, it progressed into a mountain.
Roan
You couldn't touch the floor in your apartment.
Harry
No, you could. You definitely could in my room. You definitely could not.
Roan
You could not in your room.
Harry
Yeah, but also my room was comically small.
Sass
But you're just a bed. It is set up like when you're like, reheating pasta and you want to, like, spread it out across the plate so it's not just all, like, right in the middle. So you to see it all.
Roan
Well, Harry's forever playing a game is the floor is lava with his clothes.
Sass
The only way.
Harry
Well, I'm trying to avoid that now. I got a big closet, so I got all my. I also threw out, I would say, 80% of my clothes because it was all that I haven't worn ever and never will wear.
Sass
You got your one sweatshirt for the year.
Harry
Yeah, I got my. I got a couple sweatshirts that I saved. Like, I mean, actually, I saved pretty much all my sweatshirts. I threw out everything else. But yeah, I got it. I got the desk went with the 71 inch. Way bigger than I thought it was going to be.
Roan
Oh, you got a new tv.
Harry
It's a dining room table.
Roan
Yeah, that's a big tv.
Harry
No, no, this is a desk.
Roan
Desk. Sorry, I was going to say 70. I've never heard of a 71.
Harry
Yeah, yeah. Just a little bit extra.
Sass
Your desk is 70. I mean, that. This probably is. This isn't even. This isn't close to 71 inches.
Harry
No, this is like 50, maybe.
Sass
Wait, is 71 inches. That's 6ft. Is 5.
Roan
11.
Harry
Yeah, yeah. It's fucking huge.
Sass
Your desk is. So you could lay down fully on your desk easily. You have a picture of it.
Harry
Of course. Tons. Hundreds.
Sass
Bless us. Bless us with the makeup, I think.
Harry
I didn't I send you guys the. My desk?
Roan
No, you haven't sent us anything. I want to see it. I want to see everything about your new apartment. I want to see where you're living and how comfortable you are, and I want to make sure you're okay.
Sass
A desk from Wayfair that's that big is $60. Wayfair's got the deals.
Harry
Yeah, Wayfair does have the deals. This.
Sass
Tell me this piece is from Wayfair. Yeah, the ones that you. The one that you got.
Harry
Yeah. Is there. Are they a sponsor of us, of our show? Here and there. Because that. France did that yesterday and it confused me. But we can cut that out or this out.
Roan
That's okay. I don't think it's a problem.
Sass
They're allowed to be sponsored. Like, we know they're a sponsor.
Harry
Yeah. Here it is. The desk.
Sass
The Megadek doesn't look that crazy.
Roan
Well, it's.
Harry
Because you can't really see it from here. But, I mean, it's. It's huge. Like, that monitors 33, 34 inches.
Sass
Is your left monitor. Is it up and down vertical?
Harry
Brother, that's day one.
Sass
So you can scroll.
Harry
It's literally like you have a massive phone. It's also way more useful because you can break the way that things are, like, tabbed on computers. You can. Realistically, you could watch, like, three different things at once and play the game. So, like, during football season, like, you'll throw, like, red zone and then maybe two games that you want to keep track of or just red zone in one game that you want to keep track of. And then you got the games on.
Sass
Did you see that setup? Did you see what he was working with, with that up and down, that vertical monitor? No, take another look at that. That's.
Harry
Well, this is the main monitor.
Roan
God.
Harry
And then this is the vertical monitor.
Sass
How many inches is that vertical monitor, they're the same.
Roan
What's going on on that monitor right in that shot.
Harry
What's happening there in this specific shot?
Roan
Looks like a Bloomberg terminal in the.
Harry
I'm watching the CS Major and CDL while playing Counter Strike. So just dopamine maxing, we call that. Just using every ounce of it you got.
Sass
What are you focusing on?
Harry
I mean, the only that I wasn't really focusing on anything. I was more so just getting the desk ready.
Sass
True. That's probably why you're sucking ass at video games, though, because you're just completely shooting all of your focus. Like you can't focus on anything.
Harry
I don't know, man. I don't think there's a cure.
Roan
Here's my question.
Harry
There's a reason I'm question.
Roan
I'm curious about this. Yes. Right. So you have learned and accepted that you're not that good at video games.
Harry
Yeah. Yeah.
Roan
But you continue to invest more and more money and time into it.
Harry
Well, I don't think I've invested more. I haven't bought anything for the setup.
Roan
That's crazy. You didn't have any of that stuff a year ago.
Harry
Yeah, I did almost all of it outside of the. The main monitor that I got from my.
Roan
For Christmas, maybe the last time that we. We were at your apartment. Yeah. Yeah. You're just. Just doing what you do.
Sass
Yeah. He definitely didn't have any.
Harry
Definitely. I got the PC over a year ago.
Roan
No, dude, we used to talk. I was like, you can afford a PC? And you're like, I can't.
Harry
I definitely. I got it, I think, in November
Sass
of last year, which is less than a year ago.
Harry
Or. No, I don't know. I don't remember.
Sass
Six months ago.
Harry
I definitely know. I think I got it November of the year before that.
Roan
My question is this, Harry. That's definitely wrong.
Harry
It's definitely wrong. You're right.
Roan
My question is. My question is this. You moved because you bought a bunch of equipment and then realized you had to pay taxes and couldn't afford your apartment anymore.
Harry
No, no, no.
Roan
So you said I need to.
Harry
Hey, none of that is true. That's completely false.
Roan
I don't think it's too far up.
Sass
Completely financial disrepair. And he started. If I had.
Harry
If I had spent so much money on my gaming setup that I had to move apartments because of that, I sold the gaming stuff.
Roan
I think you. I think it was you bought. You were like, wow, I'm killing it. Bought all the gaming stuff, the laptop.
Harry
I will say that was the one that set it over.
Roan
Yeah, There you go.
Harry
That might have been the move. That was the move right there.
Roan
You bought. Yeah, you bought all that stuff, and then you got hit with your tax bill and you realize, oh, my God, this is crazy that I owe this much. I need to move.
Harry
No, not. Not even close. I'm paying less in rent, but it's not like. It's not like a crazy amount where I'm gonna be like, oh, my God, like, everything's changed. I will say the biggest difference is my apartment is triple the size of my old apartment.
Roan
I'm happy about that for you.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
Let's. Let's go record some episodes up there.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
No.
Sass
Why not?
Harry
Because we can do it here.
Sass
Yeah, but we have space up there.
Harry
We have space at your apartment, too. I've been to your apartment hq. My entire apartment would fit in your mud room.
Sass
That's not true at all. Mud room.
Roan
I have a smaller apartment than you do, probably.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Wow, you do me like that.
Harry
Well, you also have a house upstate and a car.
Roan
I gotta rent that out to offset costs. My question, though, becomes this. This becomes my question, right? Are you continuing to invest in new gear and stuff like that because you think that if you spend enough money on this stuff.
Harry
No.
Roan
You will actually get better at.
Sass
No, it's a great question. You're a gearhead, Unk. Right now you're like a fat dude who, like, has bicycle equipment.
Harry
Yeah, pretty much. Exactly. Yeah. No, I mean, I. Like when I got the PC. When I got the PC, I was like, I want to broaden. I want to. I want to play in different games that I haven't been able to play. So that was like, the main reason for getting it. And then when I upgraded my PC, which is I pretty much rebuilt the whole thing. That was when I started being like, now I'm gonna get really good at the games because I'm gonna be better. And now I'm like, I am better. But it wasn't as much of a difference as I expected it to be. And then it's like, with video games, like, you can. The difference in, like, equipment that you can get, the range is so big. But then you. It always comes back to, like, then you're playing against a dude who's playing on a PlayStation 4 that out 15 years ago, and he's smoking everybody, right? And it's like, oh, the equipment doesn't matter at all.
Roan
Yeah, I remember when we played Halo, you kept being like, well, that was this. The TV monitors too big that was.
Harry
That was way different.
Sass
But now it's like the kid on the little league team that has like the sick gloves and like the newest bat and like, everything is sick. And then he goes up against somebody from the Dominican Republic who has like
Harry
no shoes on, sitting with a metal pole.
Sass
Yeah. And they could just smoke the ball. And it's like, well, gear doesn't matter.
Roan
Yeah.
Sass
You.
Roan
You blaming your gear would be like me driving my Tesla from my 2018 Tesla and citing the issues that Formula One drivers have.
Harry
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Roan
I'm like, the drag reduction system's not locking the way I need it to. It's like, no, I was just texting while I was driving. That's why I hit that person.
Harry
Yeah. It's essentially that.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
But I don't have any regrets. The only thing that I kind of regretted was the. Was the laptop, but I've moved on from that at this point.
Roan
Why don't you sell it?
Harry
Because I use it occasionally. Like, I use it sometimes.
Roan
For what?
Harry
Like, when I go on the road,
Roan
I'll use it for gaming.
Sass
Yeah.
Harry
And like, as a laptop too. Right? As a laptop.
Roan
I mean this sincerely and I don't mean to embarrass you. Does that laptop play pornography in a way that, like, I can't even imagine?
Harry
Oh, I have no idea.
Roan
I don't believe you.
Harry
But I've literally never even considered watching porn on a computer. That's one of the most insane things anyone could ever do.
Roan
Really?
Sass
Is it because you don't know where to put the computer?
Harry
Why do you need a fucking 30 inch screen to watch porn?
Sass
I mean, there's people who will. I'm gonna use my graphics card. I think there's people who will put porn on the. On the TV.
Harry
On the TV?
Sass
Yeah. 79.
Roan
I put it on my TV.
Harry
Yeah. That's a sick.
Roan
Which means that when I. When I rent my place upstate, I have to go to the Internet browser on my T and wipe like the last 38.
Harry
Or else you do what we were doing in fucking Florida.
Roan
Yeah, right, exactly.
Harry
Me and Roan spent like an hour just going through history of YouTube channel accounts that were logged into the Airbnb's TV.
Sass
I remember it would have felt. Yeah, I would have. It felt very personal. I would have rather just seen their porno.
Harry
I would rather seen porno than found like that weird, like Baby Trump AI videos. Like, that's worse to be watching on a 70 inch flat screen.
Roan
Sometimes jerk off.
Sass
Just fucking jerk off. Dude. You don't need to Be looking at that shit.
Roan
Sometimes I worry that if I go too far with the deleting that the renters I have will be suspicious.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
So I'll actually repopulate the top ones with the most basic pornography possible. Missionary, heterosexual to completion sexual scene.
Harry
And that's just straight into the Google search bar.
Sass
Yep.
Roan
And yeah, you. So. So they'll see all that instead of like.
Sass
You know, it's unsettling if you don't see any porn because you're like, what is this freak into?
Roan
Yeah. And it's way better than fill my mouth of pee.
Sass
Right.
Harry
Is that what you.
Roan
Oh, I see pee funnels. You know, multiple pee.
Harry
Yeah. Multiple people peeing at the same time.
Roan
Wash me.
Harry
With people taking turns peeing
Sass
Pee carousel
Harry
inward facing peak rotating PE synchronized peeing.
Sass
Rotisserie pee where they're just jam like a rotisserie chicken. Peeing full pole through asshole to mouth.
Roan
Man pees into Super Soaker uses Super Soaker to blast woman's face.
Sass
Women with Super Soaker mass shooting with pee.
Roan
Super Soaker, give me your pee gun.
Sass
Yeah. Dan Bilzerian stops.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
PE mass shooting.
Harry
A mass peeing.
Sass
They thought they said. I feel like that's one of the shootings where it's like they don't know who the dude is.
Harry
Which one? What, the Vegas one?
Sass
Yeah, but they don't. They don't. That there's still mysteries surrounding that.
Harry
Yeah, I mean, there's mysteries around everything that is happened in the United States since 9 11.
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Sass
Are you serious?
Harry
No. Yeah. There's a bunch of shit about that guy that they don't know.
Roan
Mac was laughing. That's why I kept laughing about that. Occasionally I'll realize that you two have said something very funny.
Sass
Mass peeing is just enough. It's just enough to get me. Oh, man, I can't stop listening to this Noah Khan.
Roan
Yeah, it's been good. I listened last night.
Sass
Yeah, he's the fucking.
Roan
He's amazing.
Harry
I haven't listened yet.
Sass
He talks about Logan airport blowing up.
Harry
Talk about me.
Sass
Did the fucking Meme. Yeah, he's like, Harry Settle.
Harry
You know, we follow each other on Instagram, so.
Roan
Me too.
Harry
Oh, yeah? When?
Roan
Probably right around the time when you started talking about getting a PC. So that was it before.
Harry
Was it before or after stick season?
Roan
It was probably after.
Harry
Yeah, mine was before. I think that's cool.
Sass
On Instagram, though.
Harry
Yeah, on Instagram.
Roan
Well, I also DM with him. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Harry
Little invasive.
Roan
I agree. I was. I did feel invaded when he DMed me.
Harry
Oh, I see, man.
Roan
What, you think just because we're both public figures that I. He was like. No, it was. It was more our connection of New England and Maine.
Sass
Maine.
Roan
And I've written so many songs about it. Yeah, you'd be interested.
Harry
I thought he, you know, he wrote us a bunch of songs about Vermont.
Roan
He wrote songs about Maine. He. He has something might be telling you that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Cape Elizabeth. Or is that. Was that our main rival in lacrosse?
Sass
Main.
Roan
That we would end up playing in the state championship every single year.
Sass
Holy.
Roan
Where I dated a girl named Brennan
Harry
is a big Boston sports fan.
Sass
He was talking about the Harvard. Harvard track team on this most recent album. He's talking Harvard.
Roan
You think I'm not feeding him lyrics?
Sass
Sass, did you feed him any? Tell me you fed him a couple lyrics.
Harry
I didn't feed any, unfortunately.
Sass
You have an NDA.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
Yeah.
Harry
Not allowed to talk about it. We've already said too much on those
Roan
rainy days in Vermont when your WI fi is not working well enough.
Harry
Is that one of his songs?
Roan
No. That would be a song you would have written for him. And your Ethernet cable doesn't reach to the back shed.
Sass
Sass tried to write a song like Valerie by Amy Winehouse, but it was just Valorant.
Harry
Roan, when we were waiting to record yesterday, Rome walked over to you and you were like. He was like. Is that you were like a Sass ready? And he was like, yeah, he's just playing Valorant or some shit. I wasn't playing anything.
Roan
When was that?
Harry
No games were being played yesterday. When we were waiting to record right here. No, you. Rome was walking upstairs. We were downstairs.
Sass
Uh huh.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
That's the end.
Harry
Yeah, that's it.
Roan
How did you hear that?
Harry
Because there's like eight people that work in the office.
Roan
But you were all the way back at your back desk.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
And he and I were at the stairs almost. And you heard him say, sass is playing Valorant?
Harry
Yes.
Sass
There's a place on the Senate floor where there's like a very specific echo and it goes right down to the other side.
Harry
Spring walls.
Sass
The way barstool wraps around is any scuttlebutt by the stair. You can hear right in that background, actually.
Harry
Exactly. It's like a. It's like a can with a string.
Sass
No, this is a listening office. Sometimes people will say something and someone will just like, join the conversation from across the room.
Harry
It's just there's so much empty space.
Sass
Yeah, that's why they have all the T shirts just like, lining the windows to kind of quiet down. Have you ever looked at this place from the outside?
Harry
Yeah, it's all just merch.
Sass
It's just merch, like, lining the air. No, Matt. No wonder the, like, temperature is dysregulated in here. There's just like, merch on top of every air conditioning unit.
Harry
Does the air guy still come in, like every day?
Sass
Yeah.
Harry
Or I guess it's cold right now, so probably not.
Sass
He's around. He's around. What's that guy's name?
Harry
I don't know, but I know he's in there. In the summer, he comes in almost every day and he'll crank it to like 30 degrees.
Sass
Moshe or something like that. Is it Moshe? Yeah, it's Moshe.
Harry
Moshe.
Sass
Moshe.
Harry
He cranks it to like 30 and then comes in the next day and bumps it back up to 90 and then comes in the day after and drops it back down to 40.
Sass
He would always get pissed about people smoking on the. On the balcony. And you had to wedge the door open. But then that would let out all this good air conditioning. He would come, slam it shut, and yell at everybody.
Harry
That's his art.
Sass
It's not his juris fuck addiction.
Harry
You're letting his heart just fly out the window.
Sass
It's not his jurisdiction. It's my art. Once I start feeling it on my skin, it's mine to do what I want with it. The air conditioning, when it touches me.
Roan
I was on that second leg of my flight from Oklahoma to San Francisco, and it was on a small plane.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
And when we got on the plane, I mean, it was freezing, but I love that.
Harry
I hate that.
Roan
I love that.
Sass
The Jetway. Just the Jetway air.
Roan
No, no, the air conditioning on the plane.
Sass
Oh, on the actual plane. And then got it.
Roan
Clearly some little fragile fucking cunt complained about it. And then they switched it and it went from cold and comfortable to sauna level. Dry heat blasting, oozing out of the plane. I actually thought we were, like, in trouble.
Harry
I hate that more than the cold.
Roan
Thank you.
Harry
To Be clear.
Roan
That's reasonable. Because as I said to the fetching stewardess who came by, what'd she know she was fetching?
Sass
Wow.
Roan
She was. What's that for?
Harry
What?
Sass
I think fetching means like a beautiful lady.
Harry
Oh, okay.
Sass
Yeah.
Harry
I thought you meant she was, like, looking for something,
Roan
but she was like,
Harry
what, are you facing elaborate orders or something?
Sass
I don't know.
Harry
Fetching drink orders?
Roan
Oh, she. She was.
Harry
That's pretty crazy way to say it,
Roan
but yeah, it got so hot. And we.
Ad Read
You people.
Roan
You people around me were like, fanning themselves with the in flight magazines and stuff. And I said to her, I said, I'm sorry, would you. Is there any way we can turn the heat down? She goes, I get it. She goes, these old, small planes, you touch it one little bit, it goes all the way to the other extreme. We'll find it. We're working on it. I said, no problem. And then later on, she came back and they had fixed the temperature, and she was like, is that a little better? And I was like, yeah, it's totally fine now. I said, you know, it really drives me crazy because people who are cold can put on more clothes.
Harry
You said this to her?
Roan
Yeah. And I go, I can't get naked on this plane. And she laughed so hard that I could tell she wanted my number. But I'm not going to do that because she's fetching. It was a United flight.
Harry
Oh, I see.
Roan
And I'd rather die in a fiery plane crash than go out with a United stewardess.
Sass
Right. And that's principles.
Roan
It's principles. It's loyalty. It's the perks that would probably come with dating a Delta stewardess.
Sass
Well, you don't like to mix airlines.
Harry
I can't imagine there's many perks of dating a Delta stewardess.
Roan
I'm sure there are.
Harry
I think you probably have to be married.
Sass
Well, to a Delta stewardess.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
To get the perks. No, they have buddy passes. You don't think they have buddy passes? Or is that only on Spirit Airlines? Rip.
Harry
Spirit's gone.
Sass
You guys served well.
Harry
And the prices are surging, let me tell you that.
Roan
What about. You don't think that. You don't think that a stewardess. Civil union. If we were. If we were domestic partners.
Harry
No.
Sass
Would it offset. Would it offset your concern about this said stewardess being in a city every night, too?
Harry
What did you say? I did a little ad lib. Like, offset. Could you repeat your question real quick?
Sass
Would it offset the. The. Your. Your suspicions about her sleeping In a different city every night and flying with a male pilot everywhere that she went.
Harry
Oh, I don't know if that would be my life. Yeah. I don't know if that. That's the lifestyle for me. Dating a stewardess.
Sass
Stewardess.
Roan
Stewardess.
Harry
A stewardess.
Sass
That makes you sound like a nudist.
Harry
A Stewart's.
Sass
Stewart stewardess.
Harry
The stewardess.
Sass
You're putting a T on it.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
Who gives? A
Sass
stewardess.
Harry
Have you guys been keeping up on this JP Morgan scandal?
Roan
A little.
Harry
So I'm hearing now that apparently it is true.
Roan
What?
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Oh, come on. You can't put the rabbit back in the hat.
Harry
So apparently they're saying that he tried or JP Morgan tried to settle for a million dollars before it became public.
Roan
And then the way you said that, you were like, he. The way J.P. as if J.P. morgan himself. No, no, I mean the one trying to hush it up.
Harry
Well, apparently JP Morgan tried to settle for a million dollars before it came out. And then the dude came back and countered with $11 million, and they said no.
Sass
He was like, what was chicken Fry offered? I want that offer.
Harry
And then he turned it down, too. So there must be something people don't like about that number. Yeah.
Sass
Range not enough.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
It's not enough to change it forever.
Harry
Even though maybe JP Morgan turned it down or declined that offer. I don't know what it was, but.
Roan
But then I thought it was all fake. I thought he made it all up.
Sass
But now that there. There was like, a second wave of information that he had a roommate sleeping on the couch, and she came out ass naked and was like, I want you to fuck me, too. Like, she was basically soliciting a threesome. Very. A very forward woman, apparently.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
An absolute girl boss. This is when she e owing go bad girl. Boston goes too far. That's what would happen if. Really, if. If women want all of these workplace equality things, that's what will happen.
Harry
They will start being harassed.
Sass
The males will start being harassed. They're going to go too far with it.
Harry
I saw that she, like, went up to him at a concert and, like, whispered in his ear like, I own you, brownie.
Sass
Which is crazy. He probably got so hard.
Harry
Doesn't sound like it. Sounds like. I mean, she was drugging him.
Sass
How? I just don't understand. I thought that that was disproved. She was drugging him with Viagra to fuck him against his will.
Harry
I think what happened is the story came out. Everyone was like, this is crazy. And then everyone found out that it was like, an Indian dude. And then they were like, now this is fake, and now it's real. And now we're all kind of just realizing that, like, the whole world united in racism against this one dude who ended up being true. He ended up telling the truth.
Roan
Is it. Oh, come on. Is it so really is true?
Sass
I don't know. No one. It's like the blue dress, white dress. No one knows what to believe. If it is true.
Harry
Do we trust the CEO, or do we trust one of our notoriously horny Indian brothers?
Sass
That's a true rock and a hard place. That's a immovable object and an unstoppable force. A CEO completely immediately immovable. You cannot take her out of office. And then an unstoppable force. One of our brothers.
Harry
One of our brothers. Out west.
Sass
Out east.
Roan
Well, look, you get. You know, some people cannot resist the perp.
Sass
Yeah.
Roan
That purple D. That Indian D. Have you seen a purple, purple Indian D before? Looks like boysenberry.
Sass
I didn't realize they have boysenberry penis.
Roan
Yeah, they do. The head is a deep, deep magenta lilac. Almost like a lilac.
Sass
That's the perks of watching porno on a big tv.
Roan
Yeah, exactly.
Harry
You pick up on.
Sass
You get a color so it matches the wallpaper.
Roan
Yeah. Yeah.
Harry
What do you think? Yeah, I mean, I just don't. So much to.
Sass
So many questions, so much to unpack about this guy. I feel like I just need more and more information. I want the documentary on this as well. I want to know everything that happened. I need to know, like, to the very bottom, because I still don't believe him.
Harry
I mean, it seems like that's kind of the way to, like, no one really believes him. But also, like, she. So she's still working there, right?
Sass
Yeah. She still has sex slaves at that office currently.
Harry
She's still enslaving people.
Sass
Yeah.
Harry
I mean, this is like a variable
Sass
situation where it's like, he loses the job because, you know. And Vrabel gets to keep the job. She gets to keep the job.
Roan
Wait, her last name is Pajidini?
Harry
A little confusing.
Roan
Like, pull that.
Sass
She's Albanian. She's Albanian.
Harry
Get too hung up on it.
Roan
We've already looked.
Sass
She's Albanian.
Roan
You don't mess with the Albanians.
Sass
The Dini. The Dini made you think the. That. Yeah. She was also of the faith, but.
Harry
Exactly.
Sass
She's not of the cloth. She's not a woman of the.
Harry
Oh, but that was the other thing, too.
Roan
Is apparently faked his dad's death for.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Yeah, he grieve, aggrievement, leave or Greek. Whatever.
Harry
Yeah. Just to get off of work.
Roan
Is this your water?
Sass
No. No, it's not.
Harry
Which is never a. Like, that's not a good sign for. For the dude. That's definitely.
Roan
Yeah.
Sass
His boy who cried fake story.
Harry
But I do get turning down the $11 million because, like, if he's telling the truth and he's got a real case here, like.
Sass
But they said J.P. morgan turned down the 11, so he turned down the 1 million. He's probably like, 1 million. You're J.P. morgan. That doesn't mean. To me.
Harry
Yeah, true. So J.P. morgan turned down the 11, so he's probably. But, yeah, I don't know.
Sass
So his story probably sucks now.
Harry
He's coming back or they're not gonna.
Sass
He wants 50.
Harry
I'd be coming back for 50. J.P. morgan, you were a slave in J.P. morgan's office. Like, I'm coming for the whole company.
Sass
Yeah. That's gonna be named. What's his name again?
Harry
For billions.
Sass
He should be coming. Well, if it really happened, he would be coming for billions.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
50 makes me think that it's fake because he's not coming for enough cash.
Roan
Damn.
Sass
They. They're. What? They're. They're wiping his name under the rug. They don't want everyone to know this. This brother's name. I saw it in the headline earlier. Chirayu Yana. Chai Ryu.
Roan
Rana Chaiwala.
Sass
Chai Yu. Yeah, yeah.
Roan
Chaiwala.
Sass
Cheerio. Rana Shiryu.
Harry
Shirayu. If I had to guess,
Sass
I've also watched videos of Indian people having a hard time pronouncing some of our words. So I don't feel bad about.
Harry
No, no. This is. No shame.
Sass
No same. It's just a different new name for me to memorize.
Roan
What's the minority that you guys like the most?
Sass
Minority.
Roan
What minority is your. What are you. When you see them, you're like, oh, I'm gonna.
Sass
Technically, white guys are a minority in the world. Asian. Asian men actually rule the world, statistically. Or actually, Asian women are the true majority of the world.
Roan
So they're the one group we. It's fine for us to hate.
Sass
Yes. They're the ones everything else is punching down. Right. They know we're punching up against them.
Roan
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Harry
You're allowed to be mean to Asian
Sass
women, which is what this woman did.
Harry
Well, she's an Asian woman technically. Right?
Sass
No, she's Albanian. She's European.
Harry
Yeah, yeah.
Sass
And so she was coming at An Asian woman. She said. What did she say? Fish head.
Harry
Fish head.
Sass
Fish head. Cannons.
Harry
She said your titless wife doesn't have your titlis.
Sass
Fish head. Asian wife doesn't have.
Harry
Wife doesn't have cannons.
Sass
But she was punching up because she's a white woman and there's more Asian women than white women in the world.
Harry
So that is a clean shot. Let's make that clear. That's clean. She did nothing wrong there. Oh, it says ex jp. Oh no, that's him.
Sass
He. So he was a.
Harry
He got fired.
Sass
Poor guy.
Roan
I just wanted to double back to that question. Favorite minority. That if you see them or you some. You know, you say. I'm excited.
Sass
Yeah, that's great. That's a great answer.
Harry
Any other questions?
Roan
Nope. That was the only question I had
Sass
perfectly played. Unbelievable. I really like Anakin Skywalker flying sideways through the.
Roan
I like. I like Indians. I really do.
Sass
Really?
Roan
Yeah. They crack me up because they.
Sass
Because they're a great sense of humor.
Roan
I just have some Indian friends and they get drunk in a way that makes me fucking laugh my head off every time I get drunk with them. They're hilarious.
Sass
I love that.
Harry
Love that too. Good culture. Great culture out here. A lot of culture out in my new. My new stomping grounds, I'll tell you that.
Sass
Oh, they got it all.
Harry
A lot of culture.
Sass
Densely populated.
Roan
You're talking about like the Greek yogurt.
Sass
Yeah.
Harry
A lot of Chobani in the house.
Roan
The culture.
Sass
Yeah.
Roan
The cultured yogurt.
Harry
Exactly.
Sass
Yeah. Yeah.
Roan
What's.
Sass
What. What kind of cultures have you run into out there so far?
Harry
Mostly just middle Eastern brothers or Asian
Sass
brothers or fish headed Asian women or fish headed titlis. Asian women?
Harry
No. I guess. Yeah, I guess. I don't really know to be honest. It's a lot. It's a mix. Mixed bag.
Sass
Yeah. You can't even put your finger on it.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
Guys, let's talk about Fabletics. Fabletics has been literally all that I've been wearing. These pants are Fabletics. I'm getting so many compliments on them. I'm shocked honestly, that Fabletics has. Because you think obviously you think fabulous and you think athletic gear, which they do have fabulous athletic gear, but they have leisurely loungewear and you know that. That casual but also dressy look that also makes every wardrobe super complete. These are just like a white pair of double knee reinforced jeans. People ask me about them all the time. I am locked in for the summer. They go with everything and they make everything.
Roan
Fabletics.
Sass
Yes. How Insane is that these are fabletics.
Harry
I had a feeling.
Roan
No way.
Sass
Yes.
Roan
Dude, those are incredible.
Sass
They're great pants and they're fabletics. I was like, what the. What the heck is this?
Roan
Wow.
Sass
I was shocked. And they have multiple. They have like a regular jean, like a light like a stone wash black jean in this and it just. It all looks sick. They're very good pants. At fabletics my experience has been great and I can even get to the script. I mean you already know I'm actually wearing the fabletics. I don't even need to be locked into the to the script like that. I can speak extemporaneously on what I like about this. You could sign up as a VIP. Obviously you can get 70 to 80% off of everything. But everything I have from there. They have some just great, great shirts. I'm always wearing. I'm always layering out of fabletics teeth. I have great hoodies, great jean jackets. Everything is great. Shop now@fabletics.com Boydad get 70 to 80 off everything. When you sign up as a new VIP, take a quick style quiz and be sure to select boy dad when prompted to unlock this offer. Limited time offer so don't wait again. That's fabletics.com boydad for 70 to 80% off of everything as a VIP look. Great. Save some money while you're doing it. Fabletics.
Harry
Fabletics.
Sass
We also have that dog video coming out too.
Roan
Oh, that was really fun.
Sass
Can we could tease that like right?
Roan
Yeah.
Sass
We're not gonna give it. We're not gonna spoil the dog video.
Roan
No, no, no, no.
Sass
All those dogs came in and these guys did a nice video. Dogs.
Roan
We held them all underwater and only one survived. And we knew that would be our champion battle dog.
Harry
Yeah, fighter dogs.
Sass
Really good dog. Was that. What was the Cruella deville. What was her plan with the dogs? She was going to skin them alive or drown them.
Roan
She turned them into coats.
Sass
But why not wait until the. Why. Why make puppies into coats?
Roan
Supple, Very supple.
Harry
Warm.
Roan
Why eat? Why eat ve instead of beef? Yeah, but it's like why do pedophiles like younger women? There's so many ways to go with this.
Sass
I just think that if you wait a little bit, it'll turn into more fur coats. You know what I mean? It's like the steak I guess could grow into a bigger steak.
Harry
It's a shame. They probably could have saved all those dalmatians. So don't you think? Like if they knew like, hey, by the way. No one's going to be wearing this in like five years. They would have killed all those dogs.
Roan
I always wondered, like, what kind of a dog has 101 puppies in a litter?
Harry
Her.
Sass
Yeah.
Roan
You don't think you'd realize halfway through that dog's pregnancy, like, something's really wrong here.
Sass
She's dragging her stomach behind her like a wheelbarrow.
Roan
Yeah. Like Sparkles is way too big.
Harry
Is that what they said?
Roan
They said it was 101 Dalmatians.
Harry
Oh, yeah.
Sass
Largest litter ever was 24. So more than 4x the biggest litter ever. That's. I mean, how about that super sperm of the Dalmatian dad.
Harry
I know.
Sass
Daddy Dalmatian.
Harry
Where's he at? Do they show him or is he out of the picture?
Sass
I heard that the bitch mom from 101 Dalmatians got pregnant in a little doggy gang bang.
Roan
Yeah, I think the. The dad was, like, hanging around the hospital bed. And then when the 19th puppy came
Sass
out, he was like, I need a cigarette badly.
Roan
I can't afford this. I work at the airport.
Harry
And no amount of child support is going to pay for these hundred children.
Sass
Yeah, he was probably in cahoots with deville. Like Deville. I have a problem.
Roan
I have distinct memories from movies like that that we watched when I was a child. In. In that one, for me, the distinct memory was when they cover up the tracks as they're walking through the snow. And then they do that, and then at another point they. I think they cover themselves in black or something and are walking by. And Cruella Deville and her henchmen are like, surely those 101 black dogs couldn't be the Dalmatians we're looking for.
Sass
I'm racist, darling. I don't want a black dog.
Roan
Yeah, ours had some white to them. And then the snow drops on them and it.
Harry
Oh, really?
Roan
It uncovers the white beneath. And then they figure it out.
Harry
I mean, I don't remember that movie at all.
Sass
I just remember her two henchmen. One tall skinny guy and then one, like, rounder guy.
Roan
Yep.
Sass
And I went on a trip to Penn State, actually, with Marty and Big Ev. And I showed them that picture and they just didn't think it was funny at all. I was like. I think I was like, this is you guys also.
Roan
And they're like, it's also the Wet Bandits.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
I feel like there's.
Sass
That's a great archetype. A tall skinny guy or Pirates of the Caribbean. The two, like, bumbling pirates yeah. One of them's tall and skinny. The other one's fat. It's just such a n. Nice archetype for dumb head crew.
Harry
For a duo.
Sass
For a dumb duo.
Roan
Did someone win that barstool after dark thing? Is that over?
Harry
I think it's still going on.
Roan
No way.
Sass
Yeah. I don't know that. That's insane. That seemed so terrible to do. Did you see Meek Phil spit on.
Harry
I didn't even see it. I just read. I was reading some of the tweets.
Sass
Meek Phil spit on Dana.
Harry
Why he got ejected. Right.
Sass
He was angry that Dana was, like, putting his ball sweat close to him.
Roan
Him.
Sass
And so he. They're screaming at each other, and then he. He spit on him. And Dana was like, dana, how funny is that? Out he goes.
Harry
And then he got sent home, right? Meek.
Sass
And he got. He got sent home.
Roan
That's against the rules. You can't spit on someone. And he got ejected for that.
Sass
They said that if they. They said that he could stay if Dana could sit and spit in his face, and he left.
Roan
He wouldn't let Dana do that.
Sass
He wouldn't let Dana spit on.
Roan
Is it down to those three? At this point?
Harry
It's just Dana and Blunt and Bun Man.
Roan
Oh, my God.
Sass
And they're. They're in the room, dude.
Harry
It's.
Sass
It's fully disgusting.
Harry
I think at this point, since it's just Dana and Bluntman now, I think, like, they're literally, like, just pissing and their pants constantly.
Sass
They're wearing, like, diapers that are puffy and full. Like a toddler's diaper. Yeah. Meek Phil's throwing milk on him. Throwing milk on Blunt Man.
Harry
Why was he doing that?
Roan
That's a compliment from Phil, right?
Sass
Doesn't he love. Yeah, he loves milk. He'd rather be covered in milk, but
Harry
I think Bluntman hates milk. That's, like, his big thing.
Sass
Yeah. Bluntman's pissed off. You can tell how mad Blunt man is.
Roan
I would.
Harry
I would be. I mean, I would never do this, but.
Roan
So they have. They slept?
Harry
No.
Sass
Or.
Harry
Yes.
Roan
How
Harry
they let them sleep on the ground.
Sass
I think after this one, maybe you sign up if you don't know that you're gonna be, like, in a room with, like, on a Deutsche and K Dick and Dana. But, like, who. Who's signing up for the next one of this? Who's like, I just saw a Blunt Man.
Roan
Well, what they'll do is they'll raise the money.
Sass
You think?
Roan
Yeah. They'll be like, all right. Nobody's gonna Want to do it? So let's make it a money brand of.
Sass
In a room.
Harry
Yeah, I don't think there's an amount of money that could get me to do that.
Roan
No, me neither. I. I hope Dana wins, though. That would be really fun.
Sass
That would be great. But that's a good final two. They're both easy to root for.
Roan
Totally.
Harry
Yeah. Good people.
Sass
Blunt Man. Also the man.
Harry
And it's what, 30k?
Sass
30k, 10k cash, 20k bonus bet.
Roan
Say it one more time.
Sass
10k cash and a $20,000 bonus bet on DraftKings.
Harry
It's sponsored by DraftKings.
Roan
Wow. Wow. That's sick. Every time I see Blutman at the Chicago office, I'm like, hey, man. And he's like, hey, Francis.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
Yeah.
Roan
Like, you're not for real. There's no way you talk that way. No, I think he does shows, Elaine. No, I think that's once. And you were like, bingo. You know, I'm gonna do that.
Harry
I've played. I played COD with Bluntman. He's pretty good.
Roan
Is he really?
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
That's exciting to hear.
Harry
Yeah, he's very good, actually.
Sass
Go to high school with Sabrina Carpenter or something? Or someone super. Someone, like, insanely famous. That. Or not even high school. I think they were, like, grade school buddies.
Roan
Wow.
Sass
Was it Sabrina Carpenter? Blunt man and Sabrina Carpenter? There was, like, a picture of them together, like, as kids. Maybe not. I don't know if it's Sabrina Carpenter.
Roan
Bloodman looks like what I would look like if I got captured by the Taliban and they, like, force fed me too much.
Harry
You wish you had a beard like his, Dude.
Roan
I'm telling you, that guy is what I would look like. I would look like Nicholas Brody.
Harry
According to Gemini, there's no dating history between Sabrina Carpenter and Liam Blutton.
Roan
That doesn't mean it didn't happen.
Sass
Well, why would Gemini be denying we
Harry
get Claude's input on us?
Sass
You would. And. And please take this with respect. You'd be great at the Taliban.
Roan
I'd be good at it.
Harry
At it or being in them if
Sass
he was one of them? If you got. If you wound up on their side, you'd be really good at it. You'd be one of their top guys. And I mean that positively.
Roan
Yeah. No, I mean, I. I would hope it. Look, I. I've always believed that whatever I do, anything worth doing is worth doing well.
Sass
Yep, exactly.
Roan
And if the Taliban is worth doing,
Sass
you know, you'd be the most faithful of the faithful.
Roan
I'd have 13 wives. I'd cut off the hands of, like, six of them for burning the rice,
Sass
and you would have, like, the hierarchy really locked in. You'd be like, this guy isn't following the law.
Harry
Like, kill.
Roan
I'd be pop quizzing them on Sharia law every day, like. Like, who is the Prophet's 14th son? Whatever.
Sass
You know, you'd be super disciplined.
Harry
Do you think the Taliban, like. Do you think, like, they have anyone who could compare to, like, the highest level of soldier in, like, the United States?
Roan
Yeah. Didn't you watch. Didn't you watch Lone Survivor?
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Remember that scene where they're like, why are they so fast? They're as fast as we are.
Harry
Is it. Are they the Taliban in that?
Roan
Yeah. Oh, for sure.
Harry
Didn't know about.
Roan
Yeah.
Sass
Taliban had some hitters. Have you ever seen the videos? Huh?
Harry
Some demons.
Sass
They definitely did. Have you ever seen the video of US Soldiers, like, wrestling with local Afghanis and stuff like that?
Harry
No, I don't think so.
Sass
The videos are. I mean, these guys come from a wrestling background. They're very good at wrestling.
Harry
Born in blood.
Sass
And that's how they. That's where they were looking to take the war to the map. If they had. Yeah, if they.
Harry
They really should just go back to hand to hand.
Sass
If they had got it on the map that just no weapons, no guns, like, Gangs of New York style. Like.
Harry
Like, let's get our best. You guys get your best guy.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
Then, like, let's broadcast. Let's all make some money off of this, you know, Sell it.
Roan
Did you see the clip of Miles Garrett going. Going one on one with the sumo wrestler?
Harry
Oh, yeah, yeah. It's. No, it's Michael Parsons.
Roan
Oh, it's Michael Parsons. But still.
Sass
Awesome. Yeah. He just runs dead into it.
Roan
Well, he's so convinced he can figure it out, and he's not wrong.
Harry
And I guess I'm a little bit at the end to move, but the first couple times, it's literally like just a rock.
Sass
Yeah. I wonder how they. How they're good at that. Remember the movie the Replacements? They did have a sumo bro as the. As one of the o. Linemen.
Roan
That's right. He ate all the eggs and then threw up.
Sass
Yeah. Oh, no.
Roan
He rocked the baby on him. But do you think that sumo wrestler is, like, in the gym doing, like, front squats a lot?
Harry
Definitely.
Roan
You do.
Harry
Yeah. Look how strong that, like, these guys are.
Roan
I know he's incredibly strong. I'm just wondering if they have, like, a work.
Sass
Maybe it's just eating eggs.
Roan
It's all lower body strength. Yeah. Leg stomps, sliding steps. No, Harry, those are not front squats.
Sass
What's the tepo, though? We got to see the tempo.
Harry
Says they focus on extreme lower body strength.
Roan
Yeah. By doing leg stomps. That's like me being like, yeah, I worked on my chest the other day by squishing ants. Yeah. I do a classic eastern medicine chest workout.
Harry
What the is a leg stomp?
Sass
They're literally stomping their way into strength. They're getting huge legs by just stamping on the ground.
Harry
Like, someone should tell them that if they just got some barbells in, like, the room, they could probably.
Sass
If they got Oklahoma's strength and conditioning coach, they could really fucking blow the
Harry
gym off the speed up that process.
Sass
It used to be on TV all the time on, like, espn too. It was awesome to watch on, like, Saturday mornings. Look at that flexibility. God damn. Bust it open for a real one.
Roan
Yeah.
Sass
Look how deep they get.
Harry
There's no way those guys aren't squatting.
Sass
But imagine if they were on like a sick program. Like that video of Ran Slater doing a front squat while all of the Northwestern teammates. Let's fucking go.
Roan
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Sass
That would be sick if the sumo guys were like that. We never see them lifting. We never even see them getting violent.
Harry
What if your drive was fueled with more, like, more protection for more time on the road? Shelby Power Nitro plus provides more protection for longer lasting engines. So it helps you keep your engine running like new for whatever drive is ahead. Shelby Power Nitro plus engine performance that lasts compared to minimum detergent gasoline. With continuous use of Shelby powered Nitro plus and gasoline direct injection engines, actual effects and benefits may vary.
Sass
See?
Harry
Shell us more protection for more information. I mean, supposedly being a sumo wrestler is like the highest level of.
Sass
What's the only Japanese fat bros respect
Harry
you can get in Japan?
Roan
They're like demigods.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Yeah. That's cool.
Harry
Because I remember when that Micah Parsons video came out, everyone was like, why wouldn't an NFL team just pick up these guys?
Roan
Guys?
Harry
And they were like, because a lot of them don't want to play in
Roan
the NFL because life is better their way.
Harry
Yeah, because they're like kings in Japan.
Roan
It's like the YouTube Golf of.
Sass
Exactly. They're YouTube Golfers. Sumo wrestlers now. They'll understand.
Roan
It's like, why would I grind my way through minicamp?
Sass
You know, I can be a God,
Roan
play for the jets potentially. You know, we're tanking for a draft pick. Meanwhile, while I'm back here. I have a temple.
Sass
Yeah. On the mountain, under a cherry blossom, by a babbling brook.
Roan
That's it.
Sass
Such a nice. Such a. Because when I went in the summer, they're like, yeah, it's not sumo season. There's just no sumos around. Like, they were a migratory bird. Yeah.
Harry
They must be, like, training in the mountains or something.
Sass
Yeah, they just had their. Their time off. It was geisha season.
Harry
Do you think they have, like a competitive schedule or is it just, like. They kind of just exist in peak form?
Sass
So.
Harry
So every other month, the Honba show.
Roan
Is there a current champion of Japan? Is there like a.
Sass
There's definitely.
Roan
Who's just been the reigning champ. Is there a greatest champion ever?
Sass
Yokozuna.
Roan
Oh, Onasakto daiki.
Sass
God damn, that's a big boy.
Harry
Back to back champ.
Sass
Big, big old Japanese baby.
Roan
Wow.
Harry
Cool.
Sass
I would love to slap body with them. I just feel like it'd be kind of comforting to just run my body into theirs. You know what I mean? It's like wearing a weighted blanket.
Harry
Yeah.
Sass
I feel like it would just be nice to feel the weight of a
Harry
sweaty sumo man smashing right through them
Roan
and greeting your dad when he gets home from war.
Sass
Yes, it'd be nice.
Roan
Or just wrap you up in his arms and pick you up off the ground.
Sass
Sweat.
Roan
Speaking of body issues, so that course of medicine that I had gone on to work on my heart stuff didn't work. And now I have to take a new one called Repatha, which is an injectable.
Sass
Oh.
Roan
And every two weeks, I have to inject myself in the stomach fat. And I was like, I don't have any of that. What do I do?
Sass
You got to get fat.
Roan
And they were like, well, you got to pinch. Got to pinch it and do that. So I have to. I have to shoot myself up with this. And I have to remain on the baby aspirin, and I have to remain on the rosuvastatin. I have a. I don't. I'm taking a lot now.
Sass
Damn. What the hell?
Harry
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.
Roan
No, it's all. All the pills are on the same day. And then the injectable is once every two days.
Sass
At that point, why not just take a peptide that's also going to lower your cholesterol?
Roan
Do they. Nobody has said anything about the peptides to. To me.
Sass
I think that's because they don't want you to know. It's because you got to go to China. Yeah.
Roan
Because they're easy to get peptides are injectables as well. Right, right.
Sass
And you just. And it's.
Roan
People rave about those. Is that what like Will Compton was on and all those guys, they were all doing.
Sass
That was steroids.
Roan
No. What.
Harry
What was it? Probably. I know like, like, I know like. I remember like two years ago one of my buddies, Derek Drescher got like. He had like an injury in his arm and he got like peptides and the spot of the injury and it like healed like super quick.
Roan
Yeah. What is that?
Sass
That's what Pat.
Harry
He.
Sass
What did he tear his Achilles? And then I saw him downstairs doing a ladder drill like on one foot hopping it. His injured thing. He was like hopscotching across it.
Roan
Is it. What are our peptides? Is that.
Sass
They'll do everything for you.
Harry
TB500 BPC157 standard stuff like that.
Sass
Really nice stack.
Roan
Yeah. Wow.
Sass
And then you just a little injection. So why not inject that?
Harry
I mean you're already injecting. You may as well like this is.
Sass
Inject the best.
Harry
The biggest hang up on doing steroids is like, I don't want to have to inject. But you already do, so you may as well.
Roan
I'm under. I'm. I brought my weight back down under 220.
Sass
Oh.
Roan
Just by traveling for a week.
Sass
Really?
Roan
Where I wasn't, I don't know, eating a pie and night.
Sass
Yeah, but I mean that pie isn't even going anywhere. Like you need that pie as fuel. Like how somebody who's doing the Tour de France can just like have a cake and it's. It's clean fuel for them.
Roan
We tell ourselves that. I tell myself that it's not true.
Sass
Don't say that.
Roan
Fundamentally not true.
Sass
Don't say that. I know you could take a pecan pie in a pinch.
Roan
I'm going to an Indian restaurant tonight with some friends of mine.
Sass
Oh, you love their people.
Roan
I love Indian food.
Harry
Can I have a big laugh when you.
Roan
A mango lassi? I'm gonna. It's called Ambassadors Club. Supposed to be one of the hot new Indian restaurants.
Sass
Oh wow.
Roan
I'll let you guys know how it is. Apparently the food is more Punjabi than Bengali or whatever.
Sass
Bit of a British name. Honestly.
Roan
Ambassadors Club sure is. Yeah.
Sass
Give me like the.
Roan
How cool is this? Look at that. We would like this. We should go here. I'm already telling you I'm gonna come. Rave reviews and then we're going to go. Harry, would you be willing to have Indian food?
Harry
Oh, I love Indian food.
Sass
For your birthday, do you actually Yeah,
Harry
I eat Indian food all the time.
Roan
I love Indian food.
Harry
Yeah. Vindaloo.
Roan
Vindaloo can be really spicy.
Harry
That's what I like.
Roan
You like it hot as hell.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
You can handle that? Oh, yeah. Come on.
Harry
Oh, yeah.
Roan
When you get vindaloo, what heat level do you order it at?
Harry
Be honest, the last time I had vindaloo, they said, it's very hot. And I said, how hot? And they said, said this green sauce was a five, the vindaloo is a nine. And I was like, well, the green sauce wasn't hot at all. So give me the nine.
Sass
Green sauce is never hot.
Harry
Never hot.
Sass
The green sauce is amazing, though.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
And then I had it and it was fine. I mean, it was definitely like. It was definitely very hot.
Roan
Were you sweating?
Harry
No.
Sass
What borough were you in? Don't tell me it was Manhattan.
Harry
I don't remember. I don't remember. What? That was a long time ago. That was the last time I went out to get Indian.
Roan
Can you really handle spiced, too?
Sass
I'm always there for a challenge. I'm not going to ever be like, I don't want to have that. It's too spicy.
Roan
I'm not so good with it.
Sass
I think just we get one spicy item. Of course. We get the gulab jamun.
Harry
I'm all spice.
Sass
Or the. The Beef Rogan Josh.
Harry
Just can't be how it's pronounced.
Sass
Beef Rogan Josh.
Roan
Yeah, it is.
Harry
You really hit the Josh on it, though, though.
Sass
Josh. Yo, my boy. Beef Rogan Josh.
Roan
Beef Rogan Josh sounds like a version of Protect Our Parks. It's like, oh, who's on again? Oh, it's Beef Rogan and Josh. That's when they get together. It's my favorite.
Sass
Beef Rogan Josh must listen. Yeah, I would definitely. I would kill to go to this just. Just for like, a little bit of a team building exercise.
Harry
I'm definitely down. I would definitely hit it for.
Sass
What about for lunch? What about for lunch?
Roan
Someday we can do that.
Sass
Sass, what do you have about that?
Roan
Why?
Harry
I don't know about Indian for lunch.
Sass
Why?
Harry
The day is over.
Sass
You just have to. Right after. That's not how. That's not how it actually works.
Harry
No, it is.
Sass
You go have the mango lossies. You go. And then you just chill out for a little bit and then record a podcast about how the Indian food affected your. Your body.
Harry
True, true. Pretty easy, are you?
Roan
When's your birthday?
Sass
Some packs in here. Come on, bro.
Harry
April 5th.
Roan
We just had it.
Sass
Yeah, but first one month anniversary of his birthday. Oh, that just happened. That's worth it for his 14 month anniversary of his last birthday.
Roan
Guys, Harvard lacrosse did not make the tournament.
Sass
What?
Roan
I was pretty sad.
Sass
It's burying the lead. You gotta beat Syracuse this year.
Roan
I know. And that was probably their most significant win towards the end of the season. They just didn't win any of the games that they needed to and they didn't get in that large bid. But they, they hurt. I think their face off guys got hurt and that ended up being a huge problem.
Sass
We'll always have Syracuse.
Harry
We'll always have Syracuse. 20, 26, Prince. We'll be back in short seven. Yeah, we'll be back for 26, 27. We're not worried.
Roan
I think next year's a major year year. Who are the teams in the tournament? Does that show it right there?
Sass
Of course. Let's blind guess.
Roan
Tyler is a wizard at the computer.
Sass
Yale's got to be in. Cornell's got to be one of them. UNC is always good. Penn State's probably pretty good.
Roan
Hopkins, Notre dame probably good.
Harry
8th seed. So they're not that good.
Sass
Who?
Harry
Penn State.
Sass
Okay. They're one of the top eight teams.
Roan
I think Notre Dame is the number one. Oh, no, they're. Who's the one seed? Oh, Princeton's the one seed. Oh, my God. Wow. We lost to Princeton by a goal. 13:12. And we were up a goal with like two minutes to go that if we'd won that game, we would have been in the tournament.
Sass
That would have been a high quality win.
Roan
Sad.
Harry
Well, we got a loaded Saturday at least.
Sass
Yeah. Army. Army. Penn State. And that Hopkins game afterwards. Yeah, that's going to be classic. We got to get out right into Sunday day.
Harry
Great, lax weekend.
Roan
Georgetown, Virginia.
Sass
I gotta get my draft kings picked.
Harry
Surprise. Ducks isn't in it this year.
Sass
Ducks playing a league up.
Harry
Ducks. Lax.
Roan
They were so good.
Harry
Oh, yeah.
Roan
They were so good at lacrosse. I know Duxbury. I remember there'd be kids. There'd be kids at the camps from duh.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
That I went to.
Harry
Do you ever play against Max Quinzani?
Roan
Yeah, I did.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
He was on Duxbury my sophomore year. We played at Duke and he was on the team.
Harry
Damn.
Roan
We also played them. No, we didn't play them. Yeah, we must have played them my freshman year as well because they beat the shit out of us freshman year.
Sass
Quinzani, the dark Wizard.
Roan
That was when they had.
Sass
Yeah, that was when they had who?
Roan
That's when they. They had Danowski, Greer and Quinzani. All on the same team, and they were just better than everyone else.
Sass
Quinn Zahani.
Harry
Yeah. That dude was insane. He was like a legend growing up.
Roan
Yeah. He must have set all kinds of records in Massachusetts.
Sass
What's he up to these days?
Harry
I'm not sure. Probably something good.
Roan
Sophomore year, we beat them at Duke very early in the season, and they were, like, one of the best teams in the country. It was probably the biggest.
Harry
Was this college or high school?
Roan
College. It's probably the biggest win in our team's. Wow. It was a huge upset for us.
Harry
Outside of Syracuse, of course.
Roan
No, I think this was a bigger upset. They were number one in the country when we beat them, and that mattered to them so much that the next year, when they came to play us at Harvard and it was in Harvard Stadium under the lights, it was like the marquee game of the season. And Max Quinzani had his whole town come out.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
From, you know, Duxbury to Boston. And they were. It was the most fans that had ever come to a hard college, too, huh?
Harry
Was he, like, insane in college?
Roan
He's like, one of the best players in the country. True. And they beat. They went up 10, 0.
Harry
Before.
Roan
Before we even touched the ball.
Harry
What rough.
Roan
And after the game, I spoke to one of them because I knew him, and I was like, what. What was going on now there? And he goes, when you guys beat us last year, we circled this game on the calendar for the next year as a game that mattered more than any game to us.
Harry
Yeah, they.
Roan
It was. It was really men among boys.
Harry
Small world.
Sass
Against Quinzani, there was a grade school soccer team. We played against the Haverford School that. The second half, they. Their coach only let them shoot with their left foot. Foot. Truly embarrassing. One of the kids, like, I think, scored a goal righty. And the coach was screaming at him.
Harry
Yeah, yeah.
Roan
Nothing. Nothing worse than, like, when you've given out the silent signal that, like, we're not going to shoot anymore because we're beating the. Out of a team, and then someone is just so open that for them not to shoot would be bad. They shoot and score, and then everyone gets mad at that. Yeah, yeah, we told you we're not supposed to do that.
Sass
They suck. They're bad guys are.
Roan
Jokes.
Sass
Joke.
Roan
They're not even. They don't even have a bus to take home. Yeah, they're all riding home with their parents.
Sass
So embarrassing. Like, whisper that on the sideline. Don't yell at the kid for shooting righty in front of us. My God, my self esteem.
Roan
I do love that Jimmy Tatro video that he made where they, like, give the ball to the kid who's heart's a potato.
Sass
Yeah, yeah.
Roan
He runs, and then someone tackles.
Harry
So to just slam kills them. He's celebrating on the field. It's a classic. All right, boys. I got to run, unfortunately.
Roan
Oh, okay. That's too bad.
Harry
But great, great time as usual. Always good to see you guys.
Sass
Episode 400 coming next week. We want to try and get 400,000 subscribers by then.
Harry
Sub up, create a new account, sub from that one.
Sass
It's the least you could do, or else we're not putting it out.
Harry
All right, we'll see you guys next week. Thank you. Goodbye.
Son of a Boy Dad #399: "32% Chance of Perfection"
Release Date: May 7, 2026
Hosts: Lil Sasquatch (Sass), Rone, Harry
Produced by Barstool Sports
This episode sees Sass, having recently dropped out of college, turn to Rone and producer Harry for guidance. The trio unpack Sass's search for purpose, riff on daily life and wild headlines, muse about masculinity, and spiral into hilarious asides about everything from celebratory gunfire to sumo wrestlers and wild Barstool office lore. The tone is classic Barstool: irreverent, funny, and laced with sharp banter and inside jokes.
Timestamp: 02:00 – 04:08
Sass (03:08): “Imagine doing that with a rabbit and you're wearing like a Jeff cap in Tuscany, like in the Godfather when Michael's on the run. That'd be so nice.”
Timestamp: 04:24 – 07:21
Roan (06:27): “High fatality data shows that about 32% of people struck by falling bullets and celebratory gunfire incidents die...That makes sense to me.”
Harry (06:46): “But the other people that are getting hit, even if they don't die, they're still probably getting fucked up.”
Sass (06:49): “Out of sight, out of mind... It's the safest place to be. It's like the eye of the storm. Right next to the gunman who's firing off into the air.”
Timestamp: 11:12 – 15:26
Roan (12:03): “I'm reading a book right now... It's about this kid named Zach... He starts becoming friends with older men, running around, setting up real estate deals, and then he goes missing...He’s been living this life under a fake identity.”
Timestamp: 16:53 – 27:25
Roan (26:41): “...like the kid on the little league team that has like the sick gloves and like the newest bat...Then he goes up against somebody from the Dominican Republic who has no shoes on...and they could just smoke the ball. Gear doesn’t matter.”
Timestamp: 34:33 – 37:09
Sass (34:33): “This is a listening office. Sometimes people will say something and someone will just like, join the conversation from across the room.”
Timestamp: 37:10 – 38:16
Timestamp: 39:42 – 44:49
Harry (41:14): “I saw that she, like, went up to him at a concert and, like, whispered in his ear like, ‘I own you, brownie.’”
Sass (43:01): “[Watching porn on a big tv]...You get a color so it matches the wallpaper.”
Timestamp: 45:50 – 48:12
Roan (47:32): “I like Indians. I really do. They crack me up because they...get drunk in a way that makes me fuckin’ laugh my head off every time.”
Timestamp: 50:27 – 53:42
Timestamp: 54:16 – 58:18
Timestamp: 60:03 – 64:44
Roan (64:15): “It’s like, why would I grind my way through minicamp...when I have a temple in the mountains, under a cherry blossom, by a babbling brook?”
Timestamp: 66:04 – 67:44
Timestamp: 68:31 – 71:25
Timestamp: 71:42 – 76:41
This episode is a quintessential Barstool meander through current events, personal lives, sports, inside jokes, and zany hypotheticals. Sass’s quest for “manhood” is only thinly veiled; most of the episode is about camaraderie, riffing, and the absurdities of daily life. The mix of friendship, roasting, wild speculation, and moments of real talk delivers a rich and highly entertaining listen.
Next Episode Tease:
Sass hypes up Episode 400, pushing for “400,000 subscribers” as a joke condition for release. The crew keeps it light, loose, and only barely on course.
[End of Summary]