32% Chance of Perfection | Son of a Boy Dad #399

Summary

Son of a Boy Dad #399: "32% Chance of Perfection"
Release Date: May 7, 2026
Hosts: Lil Sasquatch (Sass), Rone, Harry
Produced by Barstool Sports

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Episode Overview

This episode sees Sass, having recently dropped out of college, turn to Rone and producer Harry for guidance. The trio unpack Sass's search for purpose, riff on daily life and wild headlines, muse about masculinity, and spiral into hilarious asides about everything from celebratory gunfire to sumo wrestlers and wild Barstool office lore. The tone is classic Barstool: irreverent, funny, and laced with sharp banter and inside jokes.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Personal Updates and Travel Plans

Timestamp: 02:00 – 04:08

• The guys catch up, revealing they’re recording back-to-back due to upcoming travel.
  • Sass and Rone have gigs coming up: "Surviving Bar" and a trip to Ireland.
  • Harry is heading to Atlanta for a show.
• Sass receives an invite from Jenks for a fish-and-hunt week in Florence, Italy, complete with talk of rabbit hunting “with dogs and double barreled shotguns.”
• They reminisce fondly (and absurdly) about clay shooting skills and channeling Dan Bilzerian energy in the Italian countryside.

Sass (03:08): “Imagine doing that with a rabbit and you're wearing like a Jeff cap in Tuscany, like in the Godfather when Michael's on the run. That'd be so nice.”

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2. Dan Bilzerian, Vegas Shooting & Celebratory Gunfire

Timestamp: 04:24 – 07:21

• The team jokes about the real Dan Bilzerian moment at the Las Vegas shooting, with Bilzerian demanding a cop “give me your gun.”
• Spinning off, they discuss celebratory gunfire traditions in places like Syria, the myth and dangerous physics of falling bullets, and the fatality rate of celebratory bullets.
  • They hilariously search for truth: Mythbusters, physics, and absurd murder alibis involving spinning Earth and bullet trajectories.

Roan (06:27): “High fatality data shows that about 32% of people struck by falling bullets and celebratory gunfire incidents die...That makes sense to me.”

Harry (06:46): “But the other people that are getting hit, even if they don't die, they're still probably getting fucked up.”

Sass (06:49): “Out of sight, out of mind... It's the safest place to be. It's like the eye of the storm. Right next to the gunman who's firing off into the air.”

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3. Quick Hits: Pop Culture, Books, and Docs

Timestamp: 11:12 – 15:26

• Chicken Little’s Turkish origins get googled in real-time, with “Turkey Lurkey” getting laughs.
• Harry recommends "The Dark Wizard" climbing documentary (Dean Potter).
• Rone shouts out "London Falling" by Patrick Radden Keefe, a true-crime story about a Londoner obsessed with oligarchs, living double lives, and a deadly twist.

Roan (12:03): “I'm reading a book right now... It's about this kid named Zach... He starts becoming friends with older men, running around, setting up real estate deals, and then he goes missing...He’s been living this life under a fake identity.”

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4. Harry’s New Apartment & Gearhead Confessions

Timestamp: 16:53 – 27:25

• Harry talks about moving, downsizing, and struggling with organizing (“10 minutes of unpacking a day.”)
• The boys roast Harry’s laundry habits, clothes-mountain system, and new massive desk setup (“71 inches!”).
• Extended bit about the futility of investing in high-end gaming gear to make up for lackluster skills.
• Philosophical reflection on why gear upgrades don’t guarantee proficiency (“Gear doesn’t matter!”).

Roan (26:41): “...like the kid on the little league team that has like the sick gloves and like the newest bat...Then he goes up against somebody from the Dominican Republic who has no shoes on...and they could just smoke the ball. Gear doesn’t matter.”

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5. Barstool Office Culture and Echoes

Timestamp: 34:33 – 37:09

• Discussion of office acoustics: conversations echoing around the space, everyone capable of “joining from across the room.”
• Jokes about "the air guy" Moshe and his obsessive temperature control: swinging from freezing to hot depending on the day.

Sass (34:33): “This is a listening office. Sometimes people will say something and someone will just like, join the conversation from across the room.”

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6. Planes, Temperature, and Flirting with Flight Attendants

Timestamp: 37:10 – 38:16

• Rone recounts debating airplane cabin temperature with a “fetching” (beautiful) stewardess, joking he’d prefer to date a Delta attendant over a United one.
• Conversation lightly jabs at airline loyalty, buddy passes, and the hazards of dating flight crew.

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7. JP Morgan Scandal – Office Sex Slave Allegations

Timestamp: 39:42 – 44:49

• The team riffs on a bizarre, ongoing J.P. Morgan sexual harassment scandal: inappropriate counter-offers, allegations of CEO misconduct, possible hoaxes, and the media’s confusion.
• Spirals into dark humor about workplace harassment, discrimination, and outlandish allegations.

Harry (41:14): “I saw that she, like, went up to him at a concert and, like, whispered in his ear like, ‘I own you, brownie.’”

Sass (43:01): “[Watching porn on a big tv]...You get a color so it matches the wallpaper.”

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8. Favorite Minorities & Cultural Riffs

Timestamp: 45:50 – 48:12

• The crew dips into a tongue-in-cheek bit about “favorite minorities,” flipping stereotypes, and the representation math of world demography (Asian women as a “true majority”).
• Lighthearted banter about Barstool’s melting pot office environment, fish-headed Asian women, and yogurt as “culture.”

Roan (47:32): “I like Indians. I really do. They crack me up because they...get drunk in a way that makes me fuckin’ laugh my head off every time.”

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9. Upcoming Barstool Content, Dogs & Pop Culture

Timestamp: 50:27 – 53:42

• Teases an upcoming Barstool “dog video”, riffing on Cruella Deville’s plans and dark Disney logic.
• Jokes about 101 Dalmatian reproduction (“supersperm...did they show daddy Dalmatian even once?”), and the classic “tall-skinny + short-fat” sidekick archetype in movies.

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10. Barstool After Dark & Reality Contest

Timestamp: 54:16 – 58:18

• Updates on the Barstool After Dark contest: spitting incidents, milk and diapers, general chaos.
• Extended, affectionate roast of Blunt Man, Meek Phil, and the absurd lengths people go for prize money: “pissing their pants constantly” and milk fights.

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11. Sumo Wrestling, Cultural Prestige, and Hand-to-Hand Combat

Timestamp: 60:03 – 64:44

• Philosophical debate on sumo wrestlers’ strength and celebrity in Japan vs. NFL prospects.
• Musings on old-school battles, wrestling backgrounds of the Taliban, and comparisons to modern American football training.
• The sumo lifestyle's purity—preferring “temple life” to chasing NFL dreams.

Roan (64:15): “It’s like, why would I grind my way through minicamp...when I have a temple in the mountains, under a cherry blossom, by a babbling brook?”

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12. Rone’s Health, Peptides, and Pharma Tangents

Timestamp: 66:04 – 67:44

• Rone updates on his heart medications: switching to a stomach-injected drug.
• Conversation drifts to “peptides”, Chinese injectables, and the unregulated world of biohacking for recovery and wellness.

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13. Indian Food and Group Outings

Timestamp: 68:31 – 71:25

• Excitement about hitting a new Indian restaurant, name-drops on favorite dishes (“beef rogan josh”, mango lassi, vindaloo), and plans for group meals.
• Sass wants to podcast about how food impacts their bodies, and the group openly debates acceptable spice levels and the feasibility of Indian cuisine for lunch.

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14. College Lacrosse & Glory Days

Timestamp: 71:42 – 76:41

• Rone laments Harvard lacrosse missing the tournament, relives almost-upsets, and remembers legendary players and big upsets.
• Stories of lopsided games, where stronger teams are forced to shoot with their weaker foot, and the awkwardness of sportsmanship in youth sports.
• Endearing wrap-up with Jimmy Tatro’s sketch on the perils of letting “heart potato” kids score in little league.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On falling bullets:
  Roan (06:27): “High fatality data shows that about 32% of people struck by falling bullets...die.”
  Sass (06:49): “The safest place to be: right next to the gunman...like the eye of the storm.”
• On video game skills vs. gear:
  Roan (26:41): “Gear doesn’t matter.”
• On big desk purchases:
  Sass (20:06): “Your desk is...you could lay down fully on your desk easily.”
• On Barstool After Dark:
  Sass (55:52): “They’re wearing like diapers that are puffy and full. Like a toddler's diaper.”
• On sumo wrestlers:
  Roan (64:15): “It’s like, why would I grind my way through minicamp...when I have a temple in the mountains, under a cherry blossom, by a babbling brook?”

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential Barstool meander through current events, personal lives, sports, inside jokes, and zany hypotheticals. Sass’s quest for “manhood” is only thinly veiled; most of the episode is about camaraderie, riffing, and the absurdities of daily life. The mix of friendship, roasting, wild speculation, and moments of real talk delivers a rich and highly entertaining listen.

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Next Episode Tease:
Sass hypes up Episode 400, pushing for “400,000 subscribers” as a joke condition for release. The crew keeps it light, loose, and only barely on course.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[Sass]

Hey, son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

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[Roan]

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[Harry]

all right, ready? Alrighty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy dad podcast. This, this episode, this comes out tomorrow, right?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Oh, cool. All right. It is May 6th. It is 3:20pm and we are here live from HQ3. Welcome back. How are we doing everybody? Feel like I haven't seen you guys in eight hours or so.

[Sass]

We're backlogging a bunch of episodes because I have to travel next week or the week after Surviving Bar.

[Roan]

We both do. You've got that. And then I've got Ireland.

[Sass]

I was trying to cover, I was trying to cover for you, make it my. My absence.

[Roan]

But no, it's a shared absence.

[Sass]

Shared absence.

[Harry]

I'm also going to be away but it just happened to be work out very well for me.

[Sass]

Where are you going?

[Harry]

Oh, I'm going to be in Atlanta.

[Sass]

Oh.

[Harry]

Actually, I don't know. Live show or no Maybe that's the week before. That's next week, so.

[Sass]

Yeah, that'll be sick. That'll be a lot of fun. Yeah. I'm excited.

[Harry]

To Atlanta.

[Sass]

I got offered today by Jenks to do a fish week in Florence, Italy.

[Harry]

Oh, wow. Really?

[Sass]

Whoa.

[Harry]

He says there are a lot of fish out there.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

In Florence?

[Sass]

Yep.

[Harry]

Really?

[Sass]

A lot of fish in Florence.

[Harry]

Interesting. I didn't know that. I don't even think I saw water when I was in Florence.

[Sass]

Really?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Oh, you're asleep. That's where all the prime fishing is.

[Harry]

Must be. I mean, maybe. What is he, like, rivers or what?

[Roan]

Tuscany.

[Sass]

Yeah. Interesting. Some beautiful. And then he said we could hunt rabbits out there as well. He wanted to offer us Florence in the fall.

[Harry]

We hunted them with fall.

[Roan]

Do we hunt them with dogs?

[Sass]

The rabbits? Yes. And double barreled shotguns.

[Roan]

Oh, shit.

[Sass]

So for when they jump into the air, you have to catch them out of the air.

[Roan]

Well, who was good at shooting? Remember the rabbit?

[Harry]

Them.

[Roan]

When we did clay shooting, we shot the rabbit that was running along the ground.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Probably roan.

[Sass]

Sass is good.

[Roan]

It was definitely you, too. I was terrible at it.

[Harry]

I was terrible at it, too. The only one that I did well on was the last time I went.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

You were good at it.

[Sass]

When they had the detonators on the back of all the clays that they were just pressing every time. Cool.

[Harry]

I just remember that two piece that I got. I think about it every day.

[Roan]

That was a good one.

[Harry]

So nice.

[Sass]

Sick. It was the two piece.

[Harry]

It was very sick.

[Roan]

Yeah, the two piece.

[Harry]

Just b.

[Sass]

Imagine doing that with a rabbit and you're wearing like a Jeff cap in Tuscany, like in the Godfather when Michael's on the run. That'd be so nice.

[Harry]

Yeah, I mean, I get. I get fired up when I do that in like a video game. Like in real life. You're like, damn, that was sick.

[Sass]

Like I could end someone.

[Harry]

Yeah, well, I don't think about it in that way.

[Sass]

Of course. You're. You kind of had like a Dan Bilzerian strut to you after that. There was a live shooting locally, and you told one of the cops to give you his gun.

[Harry]

Give me a gun.

[Sass]

Give me a gun.

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I'll handle it.

[Harry]

Do you guys have a shotgun in the back? Why would we have that?

[Sass]

Do you know about Dan Bilzerian doing that?

[Roan]

I heard about that.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That was in. When there was the Vegas shooter.

[Sass]

Yeah. Yes.

[Harry]

He was like, nearby and he was like yelling at a cop.

[Sass]

I think he was being filmed Too. I think he had, like, a live streamer with him.

[Harry]

100%.

[Sass]

Let's get in there.

[Harry]

Yeah. And he was yelling at. He was like, give me your gun. And they were like, get the fuck out of here. And we're trying to do our jobs. Give me the most important day of our jobs ever. And we got you just yapping in our ears.

[Sass]

Backseat quarterbacking. Backseat driving guy who does.

[Harry]

He doesn't even know what's going on. He has. No way are they there this way briefed on anything. I'm just going to start shooting at random windows, hoping to nail the guy.

[Sass]

There's no, like, earpiece with anybody.

[Harry]

Nothing.

[Sass]

Just firing into the air.

[Harry]

Just raw instinct.

[Sass]

Yeah. That would have never happened in Turkey. Where do they have the weddings where they fire off handguns into the air right after the wedding?

[Harry]

I don't know.

[Roan]

Probably Syria.

[Sass]

Syria. Gotta be Syria. That's a little scary.

[Roan]

Someone told me once that people get killed from the bullets falling from the sky and landing on people, but that's

[Harry]

actually a heavily debated thing.

[Roan]

I wonder if that's true. Is that a myth? Can we look that up?

[Harry]

I was just going to say I'm pretty sure mythbusters did a whole episode on it.

[Roan]

Okay.

[Sass]

That nobody. What do you mean?

[Harry]

Like, if you shoot a bullet right up in the air, will it come right back down?

[Sass]

Oh, of course not. The slightest angle would change that.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

It's going to not come down straight on top of you, but that doesn't

[Sass]

mean, like, you'd have to be perfect.

[Harry]

But it would kill someone if they. If it hit them.

[Roan]

Look at this. High fatality data shows that about 32% of people struck by falling bullets and celebratory gunfire incidents die. Well, that's the fatality rate. I would. That makes sense to me.

[Harry]

But the other, like, the other people that are getting hit, even if they don't die, they're still probably getting fucked up.

[Sass]

But they're not at the party. It's like, out of sight, out of

[Harry]

mind off of them.

[Sass]

68% of people are not at the party. Yeah, they're somewhere else. They're like. It's the. The safest place to be. It's like the eye of the storm. Yeah. It's the safest place to be. Right next to the gunman who's firing off into the air.

[Harry]

Most victims are hit on top of

[Sass]

the head, and that's also probably a nice, nice way to go.

[Harry]

Brad. Best case.

[Roan]

Sc enter your skull like a bank. It's a perfect pebble Just being thrown very high.

[Sass]

Yeah, no slash. 10 out of 10 at the Olympics. Yeah, that's a pretty, I guess, scary way to go.

[Roan]

But okay, then my question also would be, you know, these are such dumb questions and I'm gonna. I need your help. Right. From the physics of it, like the rotation of the earth, the bullets are not leaving the atmosphere, I presume.

[Harry]

No, I doubt it.

[Roan]

So does that mean therefore that if you shoot a bullet straight up into the air as the earth, I mean it's not. How long does it take for it to come back down? Obviously that depends on like the caliber of the weapon and the strength and stuff like that. Right?

[Harry]

I mean, yeah, if you're shooting it straight up, like the caliber of the. Or I guess what kind of gun you're using would probably determine how high up.

[Sass]

I think it's more the caliber of the man actually. The man shooting it.

[Roan]

I'm prefacing this. I understand that this is really stupid of me. I was never good at science. But you shoot it straight up in the air, the earth doesn't rotate in enough time such that the next town over would get hit.

[Sass]

That's how they do warfare these days. You just. Northern Korea shoots it until it spins under.

[Roan]

Okay, all right, all right, good point.

[Sass]

Drops right back down.

[Roan]

That was really. I knew it was dumb, but I had to say it. I'm not afraid.

[Sass]

Well, if you shoot a high caliber enough bullet far enough into the air, you can wait an entire day until it comes right back down on the exact same spot. If you time it up right.

[Roan]

Damn, dude. There it is. The upward journey. Return trip usually take about a minute. That wouldn't be enough time for the earth to rotate.

[Harry]

No, no.

[Sass]

To get a full town over, but maybe a couple streets over.

[Harry]

I feel like a minute is honestly pretty long.

[Roan]

Well, if I found my next door neighbor sleeping with my wife, I would definitely.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's the method.

[Roan]

Get out of slight angle. Yeah, it's a mortar at that point. It's a mortar.

[Harry]

There's no way of them. Like you were never in the house.

[Roan]

No.

[Harry]

You shot over the house.

[Roan]

I'm shooting a mortar at danger close risk.

[Harry]

You can get off on that. I shot over the house. It was like. I didn't have any intention of hurting anybody. Obviously I didn't sit outside and calculate the angle that the bullet would take to.

[Roan]

Oh, he's dead. I'm sorry. I was celebrating their love. No, it was a celebration. I was so happy to see them fucking each other.

[Sass]

It is the perfect Crime. Because if you wanted to kill, you would shoot at you. Just point the gun at them.

[Harry]

Exactly.

[Sass]

Not the sky.

[Harry]

Exactly. Why would I have shot in the sky if I wasn't planning on killing them?

[Sass]

Someone must have used this defense before. This has definitely how OJ got away with it or something.

[Harry]

The problem is though, if you hit a perfect shot, your best odds are 32% of killing the person. And that's if you hit the perfect shot.

[Sass]

And then that's part of the defense. It's like, yeah, even if I hit them, I had known beforehand, there's only

[Harry]

a 30% chance they die.

[Roan]

Yeah. Except even if they don't die, you know, they're getting hit on the top of the head and they're probably a vegetable for a while.

[Harry]

That's what we assume, but we're not positive.

[Roan]

Well, my point is, you tell your wife, thick head of hair, you still love that guy. The guy you're gonna have to spoon feed applesauce from the corner of his

[Harry]

mouth out of the sky and hit him.

[Roan]

Or you want to come back to me? Able bodied gun shooting guy, you know,

[Sass]

guy who can find the loopholes in the law, get away with things.

[Roan]

We're on to chicken Little. Where did this come from?

[Sass]

Sky. Oh, yeah. Oh, an A here.

[Roan]

Just googling stuff that matters to him.

[Sass]

Chicken Little. Don't tell me Chicken little was Turkish. Turkey liver. Wow. That was a character. Ducky, Lucky goosey, Lucy and Turkey. Oh, Turkey lurkey. Turkey. Turkey.

[Harry]

I haven't seen that movie in decades.

[Sass]

Days.

[Harry]

You watch it recently? Have you guys watched this? The Dark Wizard? This documentary?

[Sass]

No.

[Harry]

Climbing doc?

[Roan]

Nope.

[Harry]

Pretty good. I'm only. I only watched the first episode, but I think it's gonna get pretty crazy.

[Roan]

He's a climber.

[Harry]

He's a climber, but I think he's kind of nuts. It's about this dude named Dean. Dean Potter.

[Roan]

Oh, I'm gonna check this out.

[Sass]

And a BASE jumper.

[Roan]

Yeah. Don't. Don't want to. I don't want to see much more. I love these things.

[Harry]

Yeah, the. I will say I watched. I watched the first episode last night. And like probably for the first, like, I think it's like an hour each. For the first, like 45 minutes, I was like, oh, this is just another climbing documentary. And then like the last 15 minutes they were like.

[Sass]

And then it gets crazy.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah. You start going, why is it called Dark Wizard? Why is he the Dark Wizard?

[Sass]

Wow.

[Harry]

I just have to wait and wonder.

[Roan]

I'm reading a book right now that is getting more and more interesting. It's called London Falling by Patrick Radden Keefe. A number of people have sort of. I've seen this book popping up in different places and it's written by Acorn.

[Sass]

It wasn't London.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah. The same guy wrote say Nothing about the troubles in Ireland, which I think I've referenced before. But this book is about this kid named Zach, and I'm only 50 pages in, so hopefully I'm not giving anything away. If you really are reading this and haven't gotten to 50 pages yet, I mean, I don't know if we'd call that a spoiler, but just skip ahead a minute. This kid, like was living in London with his family, grew up in London, normal family, like upper middle class, whatever, maybe even lower upper class. But they. He became obsessed with the oligarchs who moved to London in like 2016, 2017, whatever, around that time.

[Sass]

The Russian oligarchs.

[Roan]

Yeah. Who were escaping, you know, Putin and Putin wanting to sort of retake their. Their wealth. And they moved to London and they went to private schools. They sent their kids to private schools. And he became obsessed with that. And he, he starts becoming friends with like older men when he was in high school and stuff and like running around making calls and setting up real estate deals.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

And all of a sudden he has like hundreds of thousands of dollars and his parents are like, where the did you get that? Like, doesn't go to college and they're trying to support him, but he'll like spend multiple nights away at his buddy, like Akbar's house. And Akbar is like a 45 year old real estate tycoon. And so they're kind of worried about it. And then he goes missing. And what we learn now is that his name is like Zach Bettner or something like that. To everyone else that he's been dealing with, he's been going by the name like Zach Ismailoff and speaking with a Russian accent, claiming that his father is worth billions of dollars and that he is the son of a Russian oligarch. And his parents had no idea because he would constantly step outside really quick to take a. Yeah. At which point I presume he would go out and speak with a Russian accent.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

He's been living this life and now. And it's getting really, really interesting.

[Harry]

Sounds good.

[Roan]

True story. Yeah.

[Sass]

Wow.

[Roan]

The book starts with him killing himself.

[Harry]

Oh, shit. So then what happens after now we

[Roan]

go back to the beginning now.

[Harry]

I'm kidding. Yeah.

[Sass]

That's an even bigger spoiler.

[Roan]

And he's been. You know, I read the back cover.

[Sass]

He.

[Roan]

He like got in with the Russian mob or something and like the London underworld.

[Harry]

Bert recommend this? Did Bert recommend this?

[Roan]

No.

[Sass]

Gets in with the mob.

[Harry]

Yeah. Russian mob.

[Roan]

Oh, machine.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

I missed it.

[Sass]

Classic burp bit.

[Harry]

Classic that he has.

[Sass]

Yeah, that. That sounds like a classic. Any chance we see it as a major motion picture?

[Roan]

Oh, for sure. Yeah. I don't see why not. I'll make it.

[Sass]

Oh, do that. Do us that solid.

[Roan]

I'll make this movie.

[Sass]

Do. Do me that one solid of making this. How long have you been reading?

[Roan]

Longer than I would be comfortable admitting.

[Sass]

Yeah, take it to Slog.

[Roan]

It's not. I just haven't. I lost. I lost my. My sort of wind a bit. I was reading a lot and then this one's taken me. But it's a very good book, so I should get into it soon.

[Harry]

Took you a little bit to get to that 50 page mark, though.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And I don't want to talk about it anymore.

[Harry]

50.

[Sass]

I brought up a touchy subject.

[Harry]

50s. Usually when I'm like, yeah, I guess I'll take a break. You know, I guess, like, yeah, maybe I'll get some food.

[Roan]

I've read this.

[Ad Read]

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[Roan]

Well, what's going on, Harry?

[Sass]

You.

[Roan]

You got some fun stuff happening.

[Harry]

Do I.

[Roan]

How's your. How's your move been?

[Harry]

Good.

[Sass]

Good.

[Harry]

It's been good. I. I mean, nothing really crazy nothing. No updates.

[Roan]

Have you unpacked?

[Harry]

I, like, did. I mean, I'll do like, probably. I'd say I do probably about 10 minutes of unpacking a day.

[Sass]

You're busy reading?

[Harry]

Yeah, exactly. I'm. I'm working through London's falling.

[Roan]

Ten minutes of unpacking. A day?

[Harry]

Well, the first.

[Sass]

Because the thing is, like, take you years. Yeah, bro.

[Harry]

The first day. I will say also, my old apartment had way more room for, like, clutter. Like, I had those shelves so I could just like, toss on the shelves constantly. Yeah, this place. There's no. There's nothing. It's like just drawers.

[Sass]

You're talking drawers or closets?

[Harry]

Drawers. A lot of drawers and a lot of closets. And so I gotta kind of be more. Or you're gonna be folding a lot of folding and hanging.

[Sass]

Yeah, that's tough. I think you got to just get your. Go find the cheapest place by you, have them wash your laundry, have them

[Harry]

fold out of it, brother.

[Sass]

But I'm saying, like, if you want your clothes folded. I don't see you folding your clothes like that.

[Roan]

He's right.

[Harry]

I don't. When I get my laundry picked up from those places, they're getting unfolded immediately.

[Roan]

What?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Why?

[Harry]

Well, I don't have a good method for my clothes.

[Roan]

You don't just take a stack of T shirts and put those.

[Harry]

I don't have, like, in my old apartment, I didn't have, like, a good dresser.

[Sass]

Yeah, but. But like more of just a stack. Unfolding the shirt. Like, that's bad method. That's not.

[Roan]

Just stack is so generous.

[Sass]

Ye.

[Roan]

It was a single layer.

[Harry]

Yeah, it was a mountain of clothes.

[Roan]

No, it wasn't even a mountain. Every, every.

[Harry]

You see it all, it progressed into a mountain.

[Roan]

You couldn't touch the floor in your apartment.

[Harry]

No, you could. You definitely could in my room. You definitely could not.

[Roan]

You could not in your room.

[Harry]

Yeah, but also my room was comically small.

[Sass]

But you're just a bed. It is set up like when you're like, reheating pasta and you want to, like, spread it out across the plate so it's not just all, like, right in the middle. So you to see it all.

[Roan]

Well, Harry's forever playing a game is the floor is lava with his clothes.

[Sass]

The only way.

[Harry]

Well, I'm trying to avoid that now. I got a big closet, so I got all my. I also threw out, I would say, 80% of my clothes because it was all that I haven't worn ever and never will wear.

[Sass]

You got your one sweatshirt for the year.

[Harry]

Yeah, I got my. I got a couple sweatshirts that I saved. Like, I mean, actually, I saved pretty much all my sweatshirts. I threw out everything else. But yeah, I got it. I got the desk went with the 71 inch. Way bigger than I thought it was going to be.

[Roan]

Oh, you got a new tv.

[Harry]

It's a dining room table.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's a big tv.

[Harry]

No, no, this is a desk.

[Roan]

Desk. Sorry, I was going to say 70. I've never heard of a 71.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah. Just a little bit extra.

[Sass]

Your desk is 70. I mean, that. This probably is. This isn't even. This isn't close to 71 inches.

[Harry]

No, this is like 50, maybe.

[Sass]

Wait, is 71 inches. That's 6ft. Is 5.

[Roan]

11.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah. It's fucking huge.

[Sass]

Your desk is. So you could lay down fully on your desk easily. You have a picture of it.

[Harry]

Of course. Tons. Hundreds.

[Sass]

Bless us. Bless us with the makeup, I think.

[Harry]

I didn't I send you guys the. My desk?

[Roan]

No, you haven't sent us anything. I want to see it. I want to see everything about your new apartment. I want to see where you're living and how comfortable you are, and I want to make sure you're okay.

[Sass]

A desk from Wayfair that's that big is $60. Wayfair's got the deals.

[Harry]

Yeah, Wayfair does have the deals. This.

[Sass]

Tell me this piece is from Wayfair. Yeah, the ones that you. The one that you got.

[Harry]

Yeah. Is there. Are they a sponsor of us, of our show? Here and there. Because that. France did that yesterday and it confused me. But we can cut that out or this out.

[Roan]

That's okay. I don't think it's a problem.

[Sass]

They're allowed to be sponsored. Like, we know they're a sponsor.

[Harry]

Yeah. Here it is. The desk.

[Sass]

The Megadek doesn't look that crazy.

[Roan]

Well, it's.

[Harry]

Because you can't really see it from here. But, I mean, it's. It's huge. Like, that monitors 33, 34 inches.

[Sass]

Is your left monitor. Is it up and down vertical?

[Harry]

Brother, that's day one.

[Sass]

So you can scroll.

[Harry]

It's literally like you have a massive phone. It's also way more useful because you can break the way that things are, like, tabbed on computers. You can. Realistically, you could watch, like, three different things at once and play the game. So, like, during football season, like, you'll throw, like, red zone and then maybe two games that you want to keep track of or just red zone in one game that you want to keep track of. And then you got the games on.

[Sass]

Did you see that setup? Did you see what he was working with, with that up and down, that vertical monitor? No, take another look at that. That's.

[Harry]

Well, this is the main monitor.

[Roan]

God.

[Harry]

And then this is the vertical monitor.

[Sass]

How many inches is that vertical monitor, they're the same.

[Roan]

What's going on on that monitor right in that shot.

[Harry]

What's happening there in this specific shot?

[Roan]

Looks like a Bloomberg terminal in the.

[Harry]

I'm watching the CS Major and CDL while playing Counter Strike. So just dopamine maxing, we call that. Just using every ounce of it you got.

[Sass]

What are you focusing on?

[Harry]

I mean, the only that I wasn't really focusing on anything. I was more so just getting the desk ready.

[Sass]

True. That's probably why you're sucking ass at video games, though, because you're just completely shooting all of your focus. Like you can't focus on anything.

[Harry]

I don't know, man. I don't think there's a cure.

[Roan]

Here's my question.

[Harry]

There's a reason I'm question.

[Roan]

I'm curious about this. Yes. Right. So you have learned and accepted that you're not that good at video games.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Roan]

But you continue to invest more and more money and time into it.

[Harry]

Well, I don't think I've invested more. I haven't bought anything for the setup.

[Roan]

That's crazy. You didn't have any of that stuff a year ago.

[Harry]

Yeah, I did almost all of it outside of the. The main monitor that I got from my.

[Roan]

For Christmas, maybe the last time that we. We were at your apartment. Yeah. Yeah. You're just. Just doing what you do.

[Sass]

Yeah. He definitely didn't have any.

[Harry]

Definitely. I got the PC over a year ago.

[Roan]

No, dude, we used to talk. I was like, you can afford a PC? And you're like, I can't.

[Harry]

I definitely. I got it, I think, in November

[Sass]

of last year, which is less than a year ago.

[Harry]

Or. No, I don't know. I don't remember.

[Sass]

Six months ago.

[Harry]

I definitely know. I think I got it November of the year before that.

[Roan]

My question is this, Harry. That's definitely wrong.

[Harry]

It's definitely wrong. You're right.

[Roan]

My question is. My question is this. You moved because you bought a bunch of equipment and then realized you had to pay taxes and couldn't afford your apartment anymore.

[Harry]

No, no, no.

[Roan]

So you said I need to.

[Harry]

Hey, none of that is true. That's completely false.

[Roan]

I don't think it's too far up.

[Sass]

Completely financial disrepair. And he started. If I had.

[Harry]

If I had spent so much money on my gaming setup that I had to move apartments because of that, I sold the gaming stuff.

[Roan]

I think you. I think it was you bought. You were like, wow, I'm killing it. Bought all the gaming stuff, the laptop.

[Harry]

I will say that was the one that set it over.

[Roan]

Yeah, There you go.

[Harry]

That might have been the move. That was the move right there.

[Roan]

You bought. Yeah, you bought all that stuff, and then you got hit with your tax bill and you realize, oh, my God, this is crazy that I owe this much. I need to move.

[Harry]

No, not. Not even close. I'm paying less in rent, but it's not like. It's not like a crazy amount where I'm gonna be like, oh, my God, like, everything's changed. I will say the biggest difference is my apartment is triple the size of my old apartment.

[Roan]

I'm happy about that for you.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Let's. Let's go record some episodes up there.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

No.

[Sass]

Why not?

[Harry]

Because we can do it here.

[Sass]

Yeah, but we have space up there.

[Harry]

We have space at your apartment, too. I've been to your apartment hq. My entire apartment would fit in your mud room.

[Sass]

That's not true at all. Mud room.

[Roan]

I have a smaller apartment than you do, probably.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Wow, you do me like that.

[Harry]

Well, you also have a house upstate and a car.

[Roan]

I gotta rent that out to offset costs. My question, though, becomes this. This becomes my question, right? Are you continuing to invest in new gear and stuff like that because you think that if you spend enough money on this stuff.

[Harry]

No.

[Roan]

You will actually get better at.

[Sass]

No, it's a great question. You're a gearhead, Unk. Right now you're like a fat dude who, like, has bicycle equipment.

[Harry]

Yeah, pretty much. Exactly. Yeah. No, I mean, I. Like when I got the PC. When I got the PC, I was like, I want to broaden. I want to. I want to play in different games that I haven't been able to play. So that was like, the main reason for getting it. And then when I upgraded my PC, which is I pretty much rebuilt the whole thing. That was when I started being like, now I'm gonna get really good at the games because I'm gonna be better. And now I'm like, I am better. But it wasn't as much of a difference as I expected it to be. And then it's like, with video games, like, you can. The difference in, like, equipment that you can get, the range is so big. But then you. It always comes back to, like, then you're playing against a dude who's playing on a PlayStation 4 that out 15 years ago, and he's smoking everybody, right? And it's like, oh, the equipment doesn't matter at all.

[Roan]

Yeah, I remember when we played Halo, you kept being like, well, that was this. The TV monitors too big that was.

[Harry]

That was way different.

[Sass]

But now it's like the kid on the little league team that has like the sick gloves and like the newest bat and like, everything is sick. And then he goes up against somebody from the Dominican Republic who has like

[Harry]

no shoes on, sitting with a metal pole.

[Sass]

Yeah. And they could just smoke the ball. And it's like, well, gear doesn't matter.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

You.

[Roan]

You blaming your gear would be like me driving my Tesla from my 2018 Tesla and citing the issues that Formula One drivers have.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

I'm like, the drag reduction system's not locking the way I need it to. It's like, no, I was just texting while I was driving. That's why I hit that person.

[Harry]

Yeah. It's essentially that.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

But I don't have any regrets. The only thing that I kind of regretted was the. Was the laptop, but I've moved on from that at this point.

[Roan]

Why don't you sell it?

[Harry]

Because I use it occasionally. Like, I use it sometimes.

[Roan]

For what?

[Harry]

Like, when I go on the road,

[Roan]

I'll use it for gaming.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And like, as a laptop too. Right? As a laptop.

[Roan]

I mean this sincerely and I don't mean to embarrass you. Does that laptop play pornography in a way that, like, I can't even imagine?

[Harry]

Oh, I have no idea.

[Roan]

I don't believe you.

[Harry]

But I've literally never even considered watching porn on a computer. That's one of the most insane things anyone could ever do.

[Roan]

Really?

[Sass]

Is it because you don't know where to put the computer?

[Harry]

Why do you need a fucking 30 inch screen to watch porn?

[Sass]

I mean, there's people who will. I'm gonna use my graphics card. I think there's people who will put porn on the. On the TV.

[Harry]

On the TV?

[Sass]

Yeah. 79.

[Roan]

I put it on my TV.

[Harry]

Yeah. That's a sick.

[Roan]

Which means that when I. When I rent my place upstate, I have to go to the Internet browser on my T and wipe like the last 38.

[Harry]

Or else you do what we were doing in fucking Florida.

[Roan]

Yeah, right, exactly.

[Harry]

Me and Roan spent like an hour just going through history of YouTube channel accounts that were logged into the Airbnb's TV.

[Sass]

I remember it would have felt. Yeah, I would have. It felt very personal. I would have rather just seen their porno.

[Harry]

I would rather seen porno than found like that weird, like Baby Trump AI videos. Like, that's worse to be watching on a 70 inch flat screen.

[Roan]

Sometimes jerk off.

[Sass]

Just fucking jerk off. Dude. You don't need to Be looking at that shit.

[Roan]

Sometimes I worry that if I go too far with the deleting that the renters I have will be suspicious.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

So I'll actually repopulate the top ones with the most basic pornography possible. Missionary, heterosexual to completion sexual scene.

[Harry]

And that's just straight into the Google search bar.

[Sass]

Yep.

[Roan]

And yeah, you. So. So they'll see all that instead of like.

[Sass]

You know, it's unsettling if you don't see any porn because you're like, what is this freak into?

[Roan]

Yeah. And it's way better than fill my mouth of pee.

[Sass]

Right.

[Harry]

Is that what you.

[Roan]

Oh, I see pee funnels. You know, multiple pee.

[Harry]

Yeah. Multiple people peeing at the same time.

[Roan]

Wash me.

[Harry]

With people taking turns peeing

[Sass]

Pee carousel

[Harry]

inward facing peak rotating PE synchronized peeing.

[Sass]

Rotisserie pee where they're just jam like a rotisserie chicken. Peeing full pole through asshole to mouth.

[Roan]

Man pees into Super Soaker uses Super Soaker to blast woman's face.

[Sass]

Women with Super Soaker mass shooting with pee.

[Roan]

Super Soaker, give me your pee gun.

[Sass]

Yeah. Dan Bilzerian stops.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

PE mass shooting.

[Harry]

A mass peeing.

[Sass]

They thought they said. I feel like that's one of the shootings where it's like they don't know who the dude is.

[Harry]

Which one? What, the Vegas one?

[Sass]

Yeah, but they don't. They don't. That there's still mysteries surrounding that.

[Harry]

Yeah, I mean, there's mysteries around everything that is happened in the United States since 9 11.

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[Harry]

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[Sass]

Are you serious?

[Harry]

No. Yeah. There's a bunch of shit about that guy that they don't know.

[Roan]

Mac was laughing. That's why I kept laughing about that. Occasionally I'll realize that you two have said something very funny.

[Sass]

Mass peeing is just enough. It's just enough to get me. Oh, man, I can't stop listening to this Noah Khan.

[Roan]

Yeah, it's been good. I listened last night.

[Sass]

Yeah, he's the fucking.

[Roan]

He's amazing.

[Harry]

I haven't listened yet.

[Sass]

He talks about Logan airport blowing up.

[Harry]

Talk about me.

[Sass]

Did the fucking Meme. Yeah, he's like, Harry Settle.

[Harry]

You know, we follow each other on Instagram, so.

[Roan]

Me too.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah? When?

[Roan]

Probably right around the time when you started talking about getting a PC. So that was it before.

[Harry]

Was it before or after stick season?

[Roan]

It was probably after.

[Harry]

Yeah, mine was before. I think that's cool.

[Sass]

On Instagram, though.

[Harry]

Yeah, on Instagram.

[Roan]

Well, I also DM with him. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[Harry]

Little invasive.

[Roan]

I agree. I was. I did feel invaded when he DMed me.

[Harry]

Oh, I see, man.

[Roan]

What, you think just because we're both public figures that I. He was like. No, it was. It was more our connection of New England and Maine.

[Sass]

Maine.

[Roan]

And I've written so many songs about it. Yeah, you'd be interested.

[Harry]

I thought he, you know, he wrote us a bunch of songs about Vermont.

[Roan]

He wrote songs about Maine. He. He has something might be telling you that. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Cape Elizabeth. Or is that. Was that our main rival in lacrosse?

[Sass]

Main.

[Roan]

That we would end up playing in the state championship every single year.

[Sass]

Holy.

[Roan]

Where I dated a girl named Brennan

[Harry]

is a big Boston sports fan.

[Sass]

He was talking about the Harvard. Harvard track team on this most recent album. He's talking Harvard.

[Roan]

You think I'm not feeding him lyrics?

[Sass]

Sass, did you feed him any? Tell me you fed him a couple lyrics.

[Harry]

I didn't feed any, unfortunately.

[Sass]

You have an NDA.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Not allowed to talk about it. We've already said too much on those

[Roan]

rainy days in Vermont when your WI fi is not working well enough.

[Harry]

Is that one of his songs?

[Roan]

No. That would be a song you would have written for him. And your Ethernet cable doesn't reach to the back shed.

[Sass]

Sass tried to write a song like Valerie by Amy Winehouse, but it was just Valorant.

[Harry]

Roan, when we were waiting to record yesterday, Rome walked over to you and you were like. He was like. Is that you were like a Sass ready? And he was like, yeah, he's just playing Valorant or some shit. I wasn't playing anything.

[Roan]

When was that?

[Harry]

No games were being played yesterday. When we were waiting to record right here. No, you. Rome was walking upstairs. We were downstairs.

[Sass]

Uh huh.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That's the end.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's it.

[Roan]

How did you hear that?

[Harry]

Because there's like eight people that work in the office.

[Roan]

But you were all the way back at your back desk.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

And he and I were at the stairs almost. And you heard him say, sass is playing Valorant?

[Harry]

Yes.

[Sass]

There's a place on the Senate floor where there's like a very specific echo and it goes right down to the other side.

[Harry]

Spring walls.

[Sass]

The way barstool wraps around is any scuttlebutt by the stair. You can hear right in that background, actually.

[Harry]

Exactly. It's like a. It's like a can with a string.

[Sass]

No, this is a listening office. Sometimes people will say something and someone will just like, join the conversation from across the room.

[Harry]

It's just there's so much empty space.

[Sass]

Yeah, that's why they have all the T shirts just like, lining the windows to kind of quiet down. Have you ever looked at this place from the outside?

[Harry]

Yeah, it's all just merch.

[Sass]

It's just merch, like, lining the air. No, Matt. No wonder the, like, temperature is dysregulated in here. There's just like, merch on top of every air conditioning unit.

[Harry]

Does the air guy still come in, like every day?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Or I guess it's cold right now, so probably not.

[Sass]

He's around. He's around. What's that guy's name?

[Harry]

I don't know, but I know he's in there. In the summer, he comes in almost every day and he'll crank it to like 30 degrees.

[Sass]

Moshe or something like that. Is it Moshe? Yeah, it's Moshe.

[Harry]

Moshe.

[Sass]

Moshe.

[Harry]

He cranks it to like 30 and then comes in the next day and bumps it back up to 90 and then comes in the day after and drops it back down to 40.

[Sass]

He would always get pissed about people smoking on the. On the balcony. And you had to wedge the door open. But then that would let out all this good air conditioning. He would come, slam it shut, and yell at everybody.

[Harry]

That's his art.

[Sass]

It's not his juris fuck addiction.

[Harry]

You're letting his heart just fly out the window.

[Sass]

It's not his jurisdiction. It's my art. Once I start feeling it on my skin, it's mine to do what I want with it. The air conditioning, when it touches me.

[Roan]

I was on that second leg of my flight from Oklahoma to San Francisco, and it was on a small plane.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

And when we got on the plane, I mean, it was freezing, but I love that.

[Harry]

I hate that.

[Roan]

I love that.

[Sass]

The Jetway. Just the Jetway air.

[Roan]

No, no, the air conditioning on the plane.

[Sass]

Oh, on the actual plane. And then got it.

[Roan]

Clearly some little fragile fucking cunt complained about it. And then they switched it and it went from cold and comfortable to sauna level. Dry heat blasting, oozing out of the plane. I actually thought we were, like, in trouble.

[Harry]

I hate that more than the cold.

[Roan]

Thank you.

[Harry]

To Be clear.

[Roan]

That's reasonable. Because as I said to the fetching stewardess who came by, what'd she know she was fetching?

[Sass]

Wow.

[Roan]

She was. What's that for?

[Harry]

What?

[Sass]

I think fetching means like a beautiful lady.

[Harry]

Oh, okay.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I thought you meant she was, like, looking for something,

[Roan]

but she was like,

[Harry]

what, are you facing elaborate orders or something?

[Sass]

I don't know.

[Harry]

Fetching drink orders?

[Roan]

Oh, she. She was.

[Harry]

That's pretty crazy way to say it,

[Roan]

but yeah, it got so hot. And we.

[Ad Read]

You people.

[Roan]

You people around me were like, fanning themselves with the in flight magazines and stuff. And I said to her, I said, I'm sorry, would you. Is there any way we can turn the heat down? She goes, I get it. She goes, these old, small planes, you touch it one little bit, it goes all the way to the other extreme. We'll find it. We're working on it. I said, no problem. And then later on, she came back and they had fixed the temperature, and she was like, is that a little better? And I was like, yeah, it's totally fine now. I said, you know, it really drives me crazy because people who are cold can put on more clothes.

[Harry]

You said this to her?

[Roan]

Yeah. And I go, I can't get naked on this plane. And she laughed so hard that I could tell she wanted my number. But I'm not going to do that because she's fetching. It was a United flight.

[Harry]

Oh, I see.

[Roan]

And I'd rather die in a fiery plane crash than go out with a United stewardess.

[Sass]

Right. And that's principles.

[Roan]

It's principles. It's loyalty. It's the perks that would probably come with dating a Delta stewardess.

[Sass]

Well, you don't like to mix airlines.

[Harry]

I can't imagine there's many perks of dating a Delta stewardess.

[Roan]

I'm sure there are.

[Harry]

I think you probably have to be married.

[Sass]

Well, to a Delta stewardess.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

To get the perks. No, they have buddy passes. You don't think they have buddy passes? Or is that only on Spirit Airlines? Rip.

[Harry]

Spirit's gone.

[Sass]

You guys served well.

[Harry]

And the prices are surging, let me tell you that.

[Roan]

What about. You don't think that. You don't think that a stewardess. Civil union. If we were. If we were domestic partners.

[Harry]

No.

[Sass]

Would it offset. Would it offset your concern about this said stewardess being in a city every night, too?

[Harry]

What did you say? I did a little ad lib. Like, offset. Could you repeat your question real quick?

[Sass]

Would it offset the. The. Your. Your suspicions about her sleeping In a different city every night and flying with a male pilot everywhere that she went.

[Harry]

Oh, I don't know if that would be my life. Yeah. I don't know if that. That's the lifestyle for me. Dating a stewardess.

[Sass]

Stewardess.

[Roan]

Stewardess.

[Harry]

A stewardess.

[Sass]

That makes you sound like a nudist.

[Harry]

A Stewart's.

[Sass]

Stewart stewardess.

[Harry]

The stewardess.

[Sass]

You're putting a T on it.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Who gives? A

[Sass]

stewardess.

[Harry]

Have you guys been keeping up on this JP Morgan scandal?

[Roan]

A little.

[Harry]

So I'm hearing now that apparently it is true.

[Roan]

What?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Oh, come on. You can't put the rabbit back in the hat.

[Harry]

So apparently they're saying that he tried or JP Morgan tried to settle for a million dollars before it became public.

[Roan]

And then the way you said that, you were like, he. The way J.P. as if J.P. morgan himself. No, no, I mean the one trying to hush it up.

[Harry]

Well, apparently JP Morgan tried to settle for a million dollars before it came out. And then the dude came back and countered with $11 million, and they said no.

[Sass]

He was like, what was chicken Fry offered? I want that offer.

[Harry]

And then he turned it down, too. So there must be something people don't like about that number. Yeah.

[Sass]

Range not enough.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

It's not enough to change it forever.

[Harry]

Even though maybe JP Morgan turned it down or declined that offer. I don't know what it was, but.

[Roan]

But then I thought it was all fake. I thought he made it all up.

[Sass]

But now that there. There was like, a second wave of information that he had a roommate sleeping on the couch, and she came out ass naked and was like, I want you to fuck me, too. Like, she was basically soliciting a threesome. Very. A very forward woman, apparently.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

An absolute girl boss. This is when she e owing go bad girl. Boston goes too far. That's what would happen if. Really, if. If women want all of these workplace equality things, that's what will happen.

[Harry]

They will start being harassed.

[Sass]

The males will start being harassed. They're going to go too far with it.

[Harry]

I saw that she, like, went up to him at a concert and, like, whispered in his ear like, I own you, brownie.

[Sass]

Which is crazy. He probably got so hard.

[Harry]

Doesn't sound like it. Sounds like. I mean, she was drugging him.

[Sass]

How? I just don't understand. I thought that that was disproved. She was drugging him with Viagra to fuck him against his will.

[Harry]

I think what happened is the story came out. Everyone was like, this is crazy. And then everyone found out that it was like, an Indian dude. And then they were like, now this is fake, and now it's real. And now we're all kind of just realizing that, like, the whole world united in racism against this one dude who ended up being true. He ended up telling the truth.

[Roan]

Is it. Oh, come on. Is it so really is true?

[Sass]

I don't know. No one. It's like the blue dress, white dress. No one knows what to believe. If it is true.

[Harry]

Do we trust the CEO, or do we trust one of our notoriously horny Indian brothers?

[Sass]

That's a true rock and a hard place. That's a immovable object and an unstoppable force. A CEO completely immediately immovable. You cannot take her out of office. And then an unstoppable force. One of our brothers.

[Harry]

One of our brothers. Out west.

[Sass]

Out east.

[Roan]

Well, look, you get. You know, some people cannot resist the perp.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That purple D. That Indian D. Have you seen a purple, purple Indian D before? Looks like boysenberry.

[Sass]

I didn't realize they have boysenberry penis.

[Roan]

Yeah, they do. The head is a deep, deep magenta lilac. Almost like a lilac.

[Sass]

That's the perks of watching porno on a big tv.

[Roan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Harry]

You pick up on.

[Sass]

You get a color so it matches the wallpaper.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

What do you think? Yeah, I mean, I just don't. So much to.

[Sass]

So many questions, so much to unpack about this guy. I feel like I just need more and more information. I want the documentary on this as well. I want to know everything that happened. I need to know, like, to the very bottom, because I still don't believe him.

[Harry]

I mean, it seems like that's kind of the way to, like, no one really believes him. But also, like, she. So she's still working there, right?

[Sass]

Yeah. She still has sex slaves at that office currently.

[Harry]

She's still enslaving people.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I mean, this is like a variable

[Sass]

situation where it's like, he loses the job because, you know. And Vrabel gets to keep the job. She gets to keep the job.

[Roan]

Wait, her last name is Pajidini?

[Harry]

A little confusing.

[Roan]

Like, pull that.

[Sass]

She's Albanian. She's Albanian.

[Harry]

Get too hung up on it.

[Roan]

We've already looked.

[Sass]

She's Albanian.

[Roan]

You don't mess with the Albanians.

[Sass]

The Dini. The Dini made you think the. That. Yeah. She was also of the faith, but.

[Harry]

Exactly.

[Sass]

She's not of the cloth. She's not a woman of the.

[Harry]

Oh, but that was the other thing, too.

[Roan]

Is apparently faked his dad's death for.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Yeah, he grieve, aggrievement, leave or Greek. Whatever.

[Harry]

Yeah. Just to get off of work.

[Roan]

Is this your water?

[Sass]

No. No, it's not.

[Harry]

Which is never a. Like, that's not a good sign for. For the dude. That's definitely.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

His boy who cried fake story.

[Harry]

But I do get turning down the $11 million because, like, if he's telling the truth and he's got a real case here, like.

[Sass]

But they said J.P. morgan turned down the 11, so he turned down the 1 million. He's probably like, 1 million. You're J.P. morgan. That doesn't mean. To me.

[Harry]

Yeah, true. So J.P. morgan turned down the 11, so he's probably. But, yeah, I don't know.

[Sass]

So his story probably sucks now.

[Harry]

He's coming back or they're not gonna.

[Sass]

He wants 50.

[Harry]

I'd be coming back for 50. J.P. morgan, you were a slave in J.P. morgan's office. Like, I'm coming for the whole company.

[Sass]

Yeah. That's gonna be named. What's his name again?

[Harry]

For billions.

[Sass]

He should be coming. Well, if it really happened, he would be coming for billions.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

50 makes me think that it's fake because he's not coming for enough cash.

[Roan]

Damn.

[Sass]

They. They're. What? They're. They're wiping his name under the rug. They don't want everyone to know this. This brother's name. I saw it in the headline earlier. Chirayu Yana. Chai Ryu.

[Roan]

Rana Chaiwala.

[Sass]

Chai Yu. Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

Chaiwala.

[Sass]

Cheerio. Rana Shiryu.

[Harry]

Shirayu. If I had to guess,

[Sass]

I've also watched videos of Indian people having a hard time pronouncing some of our words. So I don't feel bad about.

[Harry]

No, no. This is. No shame.

[Sass]

No same. It's just a different new name for me to memorize.

[Roan]

What's the minority that you guys like the most?

[Sass]

Minority.

[Roan]

What minority is your. What are you. When you see them, you're like, oh, I'm gonna.

[Sass]

Technically, white guys are a minority in the world. Asian. Asian men actually rule the world, statistically. Or actually, Asian women are the true majority of the world.

[Roan]

So they're the one group we. It's fine for us to hate.

[Sass]

Yes. They're the ones everything else is punching down. Right. They know we're punching up against them.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

You're allowed to be mean to Asian

[Sass]

women, which is what this woman did.

[Harry]

Well, she's an Asian woman technically. Right?

[Sass]

No, she's Albanian. She's European.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sass]

And so she was coming at An Asian woman. She said. What did she say? Fish head.

[Harry]

Fish head.

[Sass]

Fish head. Cannons.

[Harry]

She said your titless wife doesn't have your titlis.

[Sass]

Fish head. Asian wife doesn't have.

[Harry]

Wife doesn't have cannons.

[Sass]

But she was punching up because she's a white woman and there's more Asian women than white women in the world.

[Harry]

So that is a clean shot. Let's make that clear. That's clean. She did nothing wrong there. Oh, it says ex jp. Oh no, that's him.

[Sass]

He. So he was a.

[Harry]

He got fired.

[Sass]

Poor guy.

[Roan]

I just wanted to double back to that question. Favorite minority. That if you see them or you some. You know, you say. I'm excited.

[Sass]

Yeah, that's great. That's a great answer.

[Harry]

Any other questions?

[Roan]

Nope. That was the only question I had

[Sass]

perfectly played. Unbelievable. I really like Anakin Skywalker flying sideways through the.

[Roan]

I like. I like Indians. I really do.

[Sass]

Really?

[Roan]

Yeah. They crack me up because they.

[Sass]

Because they're a great sense of humor.

[Roan]

I just have some Indian friends and they get drunk in a way that makes me fucking laugh my head off every time I get drunk with them. They're hilarious.

[Sass]

I love that.

[Harry]

Love that too. Good culture. Great culture out here. A lot of culture out in my new. My new stomping grounds, I'll tell you that.

[Sass]

Oh, they got it all.

[Harry]

A lot of culture.

[Sass]

Densely populated.

[Roan]

You're talking about like the Greek yogurt.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

A lot of Chobani in the house.

[Roan]

The culture.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

The cultured yogurt.

[Harry]

Exactly.

[Sass]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Roan]

What's.

[Sass]

What. What kind of cultures have you run into out there so far?

[Harry]

Mostly just middle Eastern brothers or Asian

[Sass]

brothers or fish headed Asian women or fish headed titlis. Asian women?

[Harry]

No. I guess. Yeah, I guess. I don't really know to be honest. It's a lot. It's a mix. Mixed bag.

[Sass]

Yeah. You can't even put your finger on it.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Guys, let's talk about Fabletics. Fabletics has been literally all that I've been wearing. These pants are Fabletics. I'm getting so many compliments on them. I'm shocked honestly, that Fabletics has. Because you think obviously you think fabulous and you think athletic gear, which they do have fabulous athletic gear, but they have leisurely loungewear and you know that. That casual but also dressy look that also makes every wardrobe super complete. These are just like a white pair of double knee reinforced jeans. People ask me about them all the time. I am locked in for the summer. They go with everything and they make everything.

[Roan]

Fabletics.

[Sass]

Yes. How Insane is that these are fabletics.

[Harry]

I had a feeling.

[Roan]

No way.

[Sass]

Yes.

[Roan]

Dude, those are incredible.

[Sass]

They're great pants and they're fabletics. I was like, what the. What the heck is this?

[Roan]

Wow.

[Sass]

I was shocked. And they have multiple. They have like a regular jean, like a light like a stone wash black jean in this and it just. It all looks sick. They're very good pants. At fabletics my experience has been great and I can even get to the script. I mean you already know I'm actually wearing the fabletics. I don't even need to be locked into the to the script like that. I can speak extemporaneously on what I like about this. You could sign up as a VIP. Obviously you can get 70 to 80% off of everything. But everything I have from there. They have some just great, great shirts. I'm always wearing. I'm always layering out of fabletics teeth. I have great hoodies, great jean jackets. Everything is great. Shop [e-mail] Boydad get 70 to 80 off everything. When you sign up as a new VIP, take a quick style quiz and be sure to select boy dad when prompted to unlock this offer. Limited time offer so don't wait again. That's fabletics.com boydad for 70 to 80% off of everything as a VIP look. Great. Save some money while you're doing it. Fabletics.

[Harry]

Fabletics.

[Sass]

We also have that dog video coming out too.

[Roan]

Oh, that was really fun.

[Sass]

Can we could tease that like right?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

We're not gonna give it. We're not gonna spoil the dog video.

[Roan]

No, no, no, no.

[Sass]

All those dogs came in and these guys did a nice video. Dogs.

[Roan]

We held them all underwater and only one survived. And we knew that would be our champion battle dog.

[Harry]

Yeah, fighter dogs.

[Sass]

Really good dog. Was that. What was the Cruella deville. What was her plan with the dogs? She was going to skin them alive or drown them.

[Roan]

She turned them into coats.

[Sass]

But why not wait until the. Why. Why make puppies into coats?

[Roan]

Supple, Very supple.

[Harry]

Warm.

[Roan]

Why eat? Why eat ve instead of beef? Yeah, but it's like why do pedophiles like younger women? There's so many ways to go with this.

[Sass]

I just think that if you wait a little bit, it'll turn into more fur coats. You know what I mean? It's like the steak I guess could grow into a bigger steak.

[Harry]

It's a shame. They probably could have saved all those dalmatians. So don't you think? Like if they knew like, hey, by the way. No one's going to be wearing this in like five years. They would have killed all those dogs.

[Roan]

I always wondered, like, what kind of a dog has 101 puppies in a litter?

[Harry]

Her.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

You don't think you'd realize halfway through that dog's pregnancy, like, something's really wrong here.

[Sass]

She's dragging her stomach behind her like a wheelbarrow.

[Roan]

Yeah. Like Sparkles is way too big.

[Harry]

Is that what they said?

[Roan]

They said it was 101 Dalmatians.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Sass]

Largest litter ever was 24. So more than 4x the biggest litter ever. That's. I mean, how about that super sperm of the Dalmatian dad.

[Harry]

I know.

[Sass]

Daddy Dalmatian.

[Harry]

Where's he at? Do they show him or is he out of the picture?

[Sass]

I heard that the bitch mom from 101 Dalmatians got pregnant in a little doggy gang bang.

[Roan]

Yeah, I think the. The dad was, like, hanging around the hospital bed. And then when the 19th puppy came

[Sass]

out, he was like, I need a cigarette badly.

[Roan]

I can't afford this. I work at the airport.

[Harry]

And no amount of child support is going to pay for these hundred children.

[Sass]

Yeah, he was probably in cahoots with deville. Like Deville. I have a problem.

[Roan]

I have distinct memories from movies like that that we watched when I was a child. In. In that one, for me, the distinct memory was when they cover up the tracks as they're walking through the snow. And then they do that, and then at another point they. I think they cover themselves in black or something and are walking by. And Cruella Deville and her henchmen are like, surely those 101 black dogs couldn't be the Dalmatians we're looking for.

[Sass]

I'm racist, darling. I don't want a black dog.

[Roan]

Yeah, ours had some white to them. And then the snow drops on them and it.

[Harry]

Oh, really?

[Roan]

It uncovers the white beneath. And then they figure it out.

[Harry]

I mean, I don't remember that movie at all.

[Sass]

I just remember her two henchmen. One tall skinny guy and then one, like, rounder guy.

[Roan]

Yep.

[Sass]

And I went on a trip to Penn State, actually, with Marty and Big Ev. And I showed them that picture and they just didn't think it was funny at all. I was like. I think I was like, this is you guys also.

[Roan]

And they're like, it's also the Wet Bandits.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I feel like there's.

[Sass]

That's a great archetype. A tall skinny guy or Pirates of the Caribbean. The two, like, bumbling pirates yeah. One of them's tall and skinny. The other one's fat. It's just such a n. Nice archetype for dumb head crew.

[Harry]

For a duo.

[Sass]

For a dumb duo.

[Roan]

Did someone win that barstool after dark thing? Is that over?

[Harry]

I think it's still going on.

[Roan]

No way.

[Sass]

Yeah. I don't know that. That's insane. That seemed so terrible to do. Did you see Meek Phil spit on.

[Harry]

I didn't even see it. I just read. I was reading some of the tweets.

[Sass]

Meek Phil spit on Dana.

[Harry]

Why he got ejected. Right.

[Sass]

He was angry that Dana was, like, putting his ball sweat close to him.

[Roan]

Him.

[Sass]

And so he. They're screaming at each other, and then he. He spit on him. And Dana was like, dana, how funny is that? Out he goes.

[Harry]

And then he got sent home, right? Meek.

[Sass]

And he got. He got sent home.

[Roan]

That's against the rules. You can't spit on someone. And he got ejected for that.

[Sass]

They said that if they. They said that he could stay if Dana could sit and spit in his face, and he left.

[Roan]

He wouldn't let Dana do that.

[Sass]

He wouldn't let Dana spit on.

[Roan]

Is it down to those three? At this point?

[Harry]

It's just Dana and Blunt and Bun Man.

[Roan]

Oh, my God.

[Sass]

And they're. They're in the room, dude.

[Harry]

It's.

[Sass]

It's fully disgusting.

[Harry]

I think at this point, since it's just Dana and Bluntman now, I think, like, they're literally, like, just pissing and their pants constantly.

[Sass]

They're wearing, like, diapers that are puffy and full. Like a toddler's diaper. Yeah. Meek Phil's throwing milk on him. Throwing milk on Blunt Man.

[Harry]

Why was he doing that?

[Roan]

That's a compliment from Phil, right?

[Sass]

Doesn't he love. Yeah, he loves milk. He'd rather be covered in milk, but

[Harry]

I think Bluntman hates milk. That's, like, his big thing.

[Sass]

Yeah. Bluntman's pissed off. You can tell how mad Blunt man is.

[Roan]

I would.

[Harry]

I would be. I mean, I would never do this, but.

[Roan]

So they have. They slept?

[Harry]

No.

[Sass]

Or.

[Harry]

Yes.

[Roan]

How

[Harry]

they let them sleep on the ground.

[Sass]

I think after this one, maybe you sign up if you don't know that you're gonna be, like, in a room with, like, on a Deutsche and K Dick and Dana. But, like, who. Who's signing up for the next one of this? Who's like, I just saw a Blunt Man.

[Roan]

Well, what they'll do is they'll raise the money.

[Sass]

You think?

[Roan]

Yeah. They'll be like, all right. Nobody's gonna Want to do it? So let's make it a money brand of.

[Sass]

In a room.

[Harry]

Yeah, I don't think there's an amount of money that could get me to do that.

[Roan]

No, me neither. I. I hope Dana wins, though. That would be really fun.

[Sass]

That would be great. But that's a good final two. They're both easy to root for.

[Roan]

Totally.

[Harry]

Yeah. Good people.

[Sass]

Blunt Man. Also the man.

[Harry]

And it's what, 30k?

[Sass]

30k, 10k cash, 20k bonus bet.

[Roan]

Say it one more time.

[Sass]

10k cash and a $20,000 bonus bet on DraftKings.

[Harry]

It's sponsored by DraftKings.

[Roan]

Wow. Wow. That's sick. Every time I see Blutman at the Chicago office, I'm like, hey, man. And he's like, hey, Francis.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Like, you're not for real. There's no way you talk that way. No, I think he does shows, Elaine. No, I think that's once. And you were like, bingo. You know, I'm gonna do that.

[Harry]

I've played. I played COD with Bluntman. He's pretty good.

[Roan]

Is he really?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That's exciting to hear.

[Harry]

Yeah, he's very good, actually.

[Sass]

Go to high school with Sabrina Carpenter or something? Or someone super. Someone, like, insanely famous. That. Or not even high school. I think they were, like, grade school buddies.

[Roan]

Wow.

[Sass]

Was it Sabrina Carpenter? Blunt man and Sabrina Carpenter? There was, like, a picture of them together, like, as kids. Maybe not. I don't know if it's Sabrina Carpenter.

[Roan]

Bloodman looks like what I would look like if I got captured by the Taliban and they, like, force fed me too much.

[Harry]

You wish you had a beard like his, Dude.

[Roan]

I'm telling you, that guy is what I would look like. I would look like Nicholas Brody.

[Harry]

According to Gemini, there's no dating history between Sabrina Carpenter and Liam Blutton.

[Roan]

That doesn't mean it didn't happen.

[Sass]

Well, why would Gemini be denying we

[Harry]

get Claude's input on us?

[Sass]

You would. And. And please take this with respect. You'd be great at the Taliban.

[Roan]

I'd be good at it.

[Harry]

At it or being in them if

[Sass]

he was one of them? If you got. If you wound up on their side, you'd be really good at it. You'd be one of their top guys. And I mean that positively.

[Roan]

Yeah. No, I mean, I. I would hope it. Look, I. I've always believed that whatever I do, anything worth doing is worth doing well.

[Sass]

Yep, exactly.

[Roan]

And if the Taliban is worth doing,

[Sass]

you know, you'd be the most faithful of the faithful.

[Roan]

I'd have 13 wives. I'd cut off the hands of, like, six of them for burning the rice,

[Sass]

and you would have, like, the hierarchy really locked in. You'd be like, this guy isn't following the law.

[Harry]

Like, kill.

[Roan]

I'd be pop quizzing them on Sharia law every day, like. Like, who is the Prophet's 14th son? Whatever.

[Sass]

You know, you'd be super disciplined.

[Harry]

Do you think the Taliban, like. Do you think, like, they have anyone who could compare to, like, the highest level of soldier in, like, the United States?

[Roan]

Yeah. Didn't you watch. Didn't you watch Lone Survivor?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Remember that scene where they're like, why are they so fast? They're as fast as we are.

[Harry]

Is it. Are they the Taliban in that?

[Roan]

Yeah. Oh, for sure.

[Harry]

Didn't know about.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Taliban had some hitters. Have you ever seen the videos? Huh?

[Harry]

Some demons.

[Sass]

They definitely did. Have you ever seen the video of US Soldiers, like, wrestling with local Afghanis and stuff like that?

[Harry]

No, I don't think so.

[Sass]

The videos are. I mean, these guys come from a wrestling background. They're very good at wrestling.

[Harry]

Born in blood.

[Sass]

And that's how they. That's where they were looking to take the war to the map. If they had. Yeah, if they.

[Harry]

They really should just go back to hand to hand.

[Sass]

If they had got it on the map that just no weapons, no guns, like, Gangs of New York style. Like.

[Harry]

Like, let's get our best. You guys get your best guy.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Then, like, let's broadcast. Let's all make some money off of this, you know, Sell it.

[Roan]

Did you see the clip of Miles Garrett going. Going one on one with the sumo wrestler?

[Harry]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's. No, it's Michael Parsons.

[Roan]

Oh, it's Michael Parsons. But still.

[Sass]

Awesome. Yeah. He just runs dead into it.

[Roan]

Well, he's so convinced he can figure it out, and he's not wrong.

[Harry]

And I guess I'm a little bit at the end to move, but the first couple times, it's literally like just a rock.

[Sass]

Yeah. I wonder how they. How they're good at that. Remember the movie the Replacements? They did have a sumo bro as the. As one of the o. Linemen.

[Roan]

That's right. He ate all the eggs and then threw up.

[Sass]

Yeah. Oh, no.

[Roan]

He rocked the baby on him. But do you think that sumo wrestler is, like, in the gym doing, like, front squats a lot?

[Harry]

Definitely.

[Roan]

You do.

[Harry]

Yeah. Look how strong that, like, these guys are.

[Roan]

I know he's incredibly strong. I'm just wondering if they have, like, a work.

[Sass]

Maybe it's just eating eggs.

[Roan]

It's all lower body strength. Yeah. Leg stomps, sliding steps. No, Harry, those are not front squats.

[Sass]

What's the tepo, though? We got to see the tempo.

[Harry]

Says they focus on extreme lower body strength.

[Roan]

Yeah. By doing leg stomps. That's like me being like, yeah, I worked on my chest the other day by squishing ants. Yeah. I do a classic eastern medicine chest workout.

[Harry]

What the is a leg stomp?

[Sass]

They're literally stomping their way into strength. They're getting huge legs by just stamping on the ground.

[Harry]

Like, someone should tell them that if they just got some barbells in, like, the room, they could probably.

[Sass]

If they got Oklahoma's strength and conditioning coach, they could really fucking blow the

[Harry]

gym off the speed up that process.

[Sass]

It used to be on TV all the time on, like, espn too. It was awesome to watch on, like, Saturday mornings. Look at that flexibility. God damn. Bust it open for a real one.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Look how deep they get.

[Harry]

There's no way those guys aren't squatting.

[Sass]

But imagine if they were on like a sick program. Like that video of Ran Slater doing a front squat while all of the Northwestern teammates. Let's fucking go.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

[Sass]

That would be sick if the sumo guys were like that. We never see them lifting. We never even see them getting violent.

[Harry]

What if your drive was fueled with more, like, more protection for more time on the road? Shelby Power Nitro plus provides more protection for longer lasting engines. So it helps you keep your engine running like new for whatever drive is ahead. Shelby Power Nitro plus engine performance that lasts compared to minimum detergent gasoline. With continuous use of Shelby powered Nitro plus and gasoline direct injection engines, actual effects and benefits may vary.

[Sass]

See?

[Harry]

Shell us more protection for more information. I mean, supposedly being a sumo wrestler is like the highest level of.

[Sass]

What's the only Japanese fat bros respect

[Harry]

you can get in Japan?

[Roan]

They're like demigods.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Yeah. That's cool.

[Harry]

Because I remember when that Micah Parsons video came out, everyone was like, why wouldn't an NFL team just pick up these guys?

[Roan]

Guys?

[Harry]

And they were like, because a lot of them don't want to play in

[Roan]

the NFL because life is better their way.

[Harry]

Yeah, because they're like kings in Japan.

[Roan]

It's like the YouTube Golf of.

[Sass]

Exactly. They're YouTube Golfers. Sumo wrestlers now. They'll understand.

[Roan]

It's like, why would I grind my way through minicamp?

[Sass]

You know, I can be a God,

[Roan]

play for the jets potentially. You know, we're tanking for a draft pick. Meanwhile, while I'm back here. I have a temple.

[Sass]

Yeah. On the mountain, under a cherry blossom, by a babbling brook.

[Roan]

That's it.

[Sass]

Such a nice. Such a. Because when I went in the summer, they're like, yeah, it's not sumo season. There's just no sumos around. Like, they were a migratory bird. Yeah.

[Harry]

They must be, like, training in the mountains or something.

[Sass]

Yeah, they just had their. Their time off. It was geisha season.

[Harry]

Do you think they have, like a competitive schedule or is it just, like. They kind of just exist in peak form?

[Sass]

So.

[Harry]

So every other month, the Honba show.

[Roan]

Is there a current champion of Japan? Is there like a.

[Sass]

There's definitely.

[Roan]

Who's just been the reigning champ. Is there a greatest champion ever?

[Sass]

Yokozuna.

[Roan]

Oh, Onasakto daiki.

[Sass]

God damn, that's a big boy.

[Harry]

Back to back champ.

[Sass]

Big, big old Japanese baby.

[Roan]

Wow.

[Harry]

Cool.

[Sass]

I would love to slap body with them. I just feel like it'd be kind of comforting to just run my body into theirs. You know what I mean? It's like wearing a weighted blanket.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

I feel like it would just be nice to feel the weight of a

[Harry]

sweaty sumo man smashing right through them

[Roan]

and greeting your dad when he gets home from war.

[Sass]

Yes, it'd be nice.

[Roan]

Or just wrap you up in his arms and pick you up off the ground.

[Sass]

Sweat.

[Roan]

Speaking of body issues, so that course of medicine that I had gone on to work on my heart stuff didn't work. And now I have to take a new one called Repatha, which is an injectable.

[Sass]

Oh.

[Roan]

And every two weeks, I have to inject myself in the stomach fat. And I was like, I don't have any of that. What do I do?

[Sass]

You got to get fat.

[Roan]

And they were like, well, you got to pinch. Got to pinch it and do that. So I have to. I have to shoot myself up with this. And I have to remain on the baby aspirin, and I have to remain on the rosuvastatin. I have a. I don't. I'm taking a lot now.

[Sass]

Damn. What the hell?

[Harry]

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday.

[Roan]

No, it's all. All the pills are on the same day. And then the injectable is once every two days.

[Sass]

At that point, why not just take a peptide that's also going to lower your cholesterol?

[Roan]

Do they. Nobody has said anything about the peptides to. To me.

[Sass]

I think that's because they don't want you to know. It's because you got to go to China. Yeah.

[Roan]

Because they're easy to get peptides are injectables as well. Right, right.

[Sass]

And you just. And it's.

[Roan]

People rave about those. Is that what like Will Compton was on and all those guys, they were all doing.

[Sass]

That was steroids.

[Roan]

No. What.

[Harry]

What was it? Probably. I know like, like, I know like. I remember like two years ago one of my buddies, Derek Drescher got like. He had like an injury in his arm and he got like peptides and the spot of the injury and it like healed like super quick.

[Roan]

Yeah. What is that?

[Sass]

That's what Pat.

[Harry]

He.

[Sass]

What did he tear his Achilles? And then I saw him downstairs doing a ladder drill like on one foot hopping it. His injured thing. He was like hopscotching across it.

[Roan]

Is it. What are our peptides? Is that.

[Sass]

They'll do everything for you.

[Harry]

TB500 BPC157 standard stuff like that.

[Sass]

Really nice stack.

[Roan]

Yeah. Wow.

[Sass]

And then you just a little injection. So why not inject that?

[Harry]

I mean you're already injecting. You may as well like this is.

[Sass]

Inject the best.

[Harry]

The biggest hang up on doing steroids is like, I don't want to have to inject. But you already do, so you may as well.

[Roan]

I'm under. I'm. I brought my weight back down under 220.

[Sass]

Oh.

[Roan]

Just by traveling for a week.

[Sass]

Really?

[Roan]

Where I wasn't, I don't know, eating a pie and night.

[Sass]

Yeah, but I mean that pie isn't even going anywhere. Like you need that pie as fuel. Like how somebody who's doing the Tour de France can just like have a cake and it's. It's clean fuel for them.

[Roan]

We tell ourselves that. I tell myself that it's not true.

[Sass]

Don't say that.

[Roan]

Fundamentally not true.

[Sass]

Don't say that. I know you could take a pecan pie in a pinch.

[Roan]

I'm going to an Indian restaurant tonight with some friends of mine.

[Sass]

Oh, you love their people.

[Roan]

I love Indian food.

[Harry]

Can I have a big laugh when you.

[Roan]

A mango lassi? I'm gonna. It's called Ambassadors Club. Supposed to be one of the hot new Indian restaurants.

[Sass]

Oh wow.

[Roan]

I'll let you guys know how it is. Apparently the food is more Punjabi than Bengali or whatever.

[Sass]

Bit of a British name. Honestly.

[Roan]

Ambassadors Club sure is. Yeah.

[Sass]

Give me like the.

[Roan]

How cool is this? Look at that. We would like this. We should go here. I'm already telling you I'm gonna come. Rave reviews and then we're going to go. Harry, would you be willing to have Indian food?

[Harry]

Oh, I love Indian food.

[Sass]

For your birthday, do you actually Yeah,

[Harry]

I eat Indian food all the time.

[Roan]

I love Indian food.

[Harry]

Yeah. Vindaloo.

[Roan]

Vindaloo can be really spicy.

[Harry]

That's what I like.

[Roan]

You like it hot as hell.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

You can handle that? Oh, yeah. Come on.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Roan]

When you get vindaloo, what heat level do you order it at?

[Harry]

Be honest, the last time I had vindaloo, they said, it's very hot. And I said, how hot? And they said, said this green sauce was a five, the vindaloo is a nine. And I was like, well, the green sauce wasn't hot at all. So give me the nine.

[Sass]

Green sauce is never hot.

[Harry]

Never hot.

[Sass]

The green sauce is amazing, though.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And then I had it and it was fine. I mean, it was definitely like. It was definitely very hot.

[Roan]

Were you sweating?

[Harry]

No.

[Sass]

What borough were you in? Don't tell me it was Manhattan.

[Harry]

I don't remember. I don't remember. What? That was a long time ago. That was the last time I went out to get Indian.

[Roan]

Can you really handle spiced, too?

[Sass]

I'm always there for a challenge. I'm not going to ever be like, I don't want to have that. It's too spicy.

[Roan]

I'm not so good with it.

[Sass]

I think just we get one spicy item. Of course. We get the gulab jamun.

[Harry]

I'm all spice.

[Sass]

Or the. The Beef Rogan Josh.

[Harry]

Just can't be how it's pronounced.

[Sass]

Beef Rogan Josh.

[Roan]

Yeah, it is.

[Harry]

You really hit the Josh on it, though, though.

[Sass]

Josh. Yo, my boy. Beef Rogan Josh.

[Roan]

Beef Rogan Josh sounds like a version of Protect Our Parks. It's like, oh, who's on again? Oh, it's Beef Rogan and Josh. That's when they get together. It's my favorite.

[Sass]

Beef Rogan Josh must listen. Yeah, I would definitely. I would kill to go to this just. Just for like, a little bit of a team building exercise.

[Harry]

I'm definitely down. I would definitely hit it for.

[Sass]

What about for lunch? What about for lunch?

[Roan]

Someday we can do that.

[Sass]

Sass, what do you have about that?

[Roan]

Why?

[Harry]

I don't know about Indian for lunch.

[Sass]

Why?

[Harry]

The day is over.

[Sass]

You just have to. Right after. That's not how. That's not how it actually works.

[Harry]

No, it is.

[Sass]

You go have the mango lossies. You go. And then you just chill out for a little bit and then record a podcast about how the Indian food affected your. Your body.

[Harry]

True, true. Pretty easy, are you?

[Roan]

When's your birthday?

[Sass]

Some packs in here. Come on, bro.

[Harry]

April 5th.

[Roan]

We just had it.

[Sass]

Yeah, but first one month anniversary of his birthday. Oh, that just happened. That's worth it for his 14 month anniversary of his last birthday.

[Roan]

Guys, Harvard lacrosse did not make the tournament.

[Sass]

What?

[Roan]

I was pretty sad.

[Sass]

It's burying the lead. You gotta beat Syracuse this year.

[Roan]

I know. And that was probably their most significant win towards the end of the season. They just didn't win any of the games that they needed to and they didn't get in that large bid. But they, they hurt. I think their face off guys got hurt and that ended up being a huge problem.

[Sass]

We'll always have Syracuse.

[Harry]

We'll always have Syracuse. 20, 26, Prince. We'll be back in short seven. Yeah, we'll be back for 26, 27. We're not worried.

[Roan]

I think next year's a major year year. Who are the teams in the tournament? Does that show it right there?

[Sass]

Of course. Let's blind guess.

[Roan]

Tyler is a wizard at the computer.

[Sass]

Yale's got to be in. Cornell's got to be one of them. UNC is always good. Penn State's probably pretty good.

[Roan]

Hopkins, Notre dame probably good.

[Harry]

8th seed. So they're not that good.

[Sass]

Who?

[Harry]

Penn State.

[Sass]

Okay. They're one of the top eight teams.

[Roan]

I think Notre Dame is the number one. Oh, no, they're. Who's the one seed? Oh, Princeton's the one seed. Oh, my God. Wow. We lost to Princeton by a goal. 13:12. And we were up a goal with like two minutes to go that if we'd won that game, we would have been in the tournament.

[Sass]

That would have been a high quality win.

[Roan]

Sad.

[Harry]

Well, we got a loaded Saturday at least.

[Sass]

Yeah. Army. Army. Penn State. And that Hopkins game afterwards. Yeah, that's going to be classic. We got to get out right into Sunday day.

[Harry]

Great, lax weekend.

[Roan]

Georgetown, Virginia.

[Sass]

I gotta get my draft kings picked.

[Harry]

Surprise. Ducks isn't in it this year.

[Sass]

Ducks playing a league up.

[Harry]

Ducks. Lax.

[Roan]

They were so good.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Roan]

They were so good at lacrosse. I know Duxbury. I remember there'd be kids. There'd be kids at the camps from duh.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That I went to.

[Harry]

Do you ever play against Max Quinzani?

[Roan]

Yeah, I did.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

He was on Duxbury my sophomore year. We played at Duke and he was on the team.

[Harry]

Damn.

[Roan]

We also played them. No, we didn't play them. Yeah, we must have played them my freshman year as well because they beat the shit out of us freshman year.

[Sass]

Quinzani, the dark Wizard.

[Roan]

That was when they had.

[Sass]

Yeah, that was when they had who?

[Roan]

That's when they. They had Danowski, Greer and Quinzani. All on the same team, and they were just better than everyone else.

[Sass]

Quinn Zahani.

[Harry]

Yeah. That dude was insane. He was like a legend growing up.

[Roan]

Yeah. He must have set all kinds of records in Massachusetts.

[Sass]

What's he up to these days?

[Harry]

I'm not sure. Probably something good.

[Roan]

Sophomore year, we beat them at Duke very early in the season, and they were, like, one of the best teams in the country. It was probably the biggest.

[Harry]

Was this college or high school?

[Roan]

College. It's probably the biggest win in our team's. Wow. It was a huge upset for us.

[Harry]

Outside of Syracuse, of course.

[Roan]

No, I think this was a bigger upset. They were number one in the country when we beat them, and that mattered to them so much that the next year, when they came to play us at Harvard and it was in Harvard Stadium under the lights, it was like the marquee game of the season. And Max Quinzani had his whole town come out.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

From, you know, Duxbury to Boston. And they were. It was the most fans that had ever come to a hard college, too, huh?

[Harry]

Was he, like, insane in college?

[Roan]

He's like, one of the best players in the country. True. And they beat. They went up 10, 0.

[Harry]

Before.

[Roan]

Before we even touched the ball.

[Harry]

What rough.

[Roan]

And after the game, I spoke to one of them because I knew him, and I was like, what. What was going on now there? And he goes, when you guys beat us last year, we circled this game on the calendar for the next year as a game that mattered more than any game to us.

[Harry]

Yeah, they.

[Roan]

It was. It was really men among boys.

[Harry]

Small world.

[Sass]

Against Quinzani, there was a grade school soccer team. We played against the Haverford School that. The second half, they. Their coach only let them shoot with their left foot. Foot. Truly embarrassing. One of the kids, like, I think, scored a goal righty. And the coach was screaming at him.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

Nothing. Nothing worse than, like, when you've given out the silent signal that, like, we're not going to shoot anymore because we're beating the. Out of a team, and then someone is just so open that for them not to shoot would be bad. They shoot and score, and then everyone gets mad at that. Yeah, yeah, we told you we're not supposed to do that.

[Sass]

They suck. They're bad guys are.

[Roan]

Jokes.

[Sass]

Joke.

[Roan]

They're not even. They don't even have a bus to take home. Yeah, they're all riding home with their parents.

[Sass]

So embarrassing. Like, whisper that on the sideline. Don't yell at the kid for shooting righty in front of us. My God, my self esteem.

[Roan]

I do love that Jimmy Tatro video that he made where they, like, give the ball to the kid who's heart's a potato.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

He runs, and then someone tackles.

[Harry]

So to just slam kills them. He's celebrating on the field. It's a classic. All right, boys. I got to run, unfortunately.

[Roan]

Oh, okay. That's too bad.

[Harry]

But great, great time as usual. Always good to see you guys.

[Sass]

Episode 400 coming next week. We want to try and get 400,000 subscribers by then.

[Harry]

Sub up, create a new account, sub from that one.

[Sass]

It's the least you could do, or else we're not putting it out.

[Harry]

All right, we'll see you guys next week. Thank you. Goodbye.