Bowling for Columbine | Son of a Boy Dad #375

Summary

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Son of a Boy Dad #375 — "Bowling for Columbine"

Barstool Sports | February 12, 2026 Hosts: Francis, Harry (Lil Sasquatch), Dave Portnoy

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Episode Overview

The Son of a Boy Dad crew, led by Lil Sasquatch who has recently left college and is seeking guidance, reconvenes for a quintessentially wide-ranging Barstool discussion. Joined by Dave Portnoy and the ever-deadpan Francis, the hosts riff through pop culture, music, sports nostalgia, technology, and random slices of life. Beneath the comedic banter, there's a recurring thread of wrestling with adulthood, trying to build a worldview, and finding small joys in the mundane.

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Major Discussion Points & Highlights

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1. Music and Name Tangents

• Discussion: The hosts open with a playful exchange about music tastes, name spellings, and the quirks of artist pseudonyms.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “I was listening to Stove God Cooks.” — Francis (01:24)
  • “Sludge Mother goes so hard.” — Dave Portnoy (01:43)
• Timestamps: 01:09–04:43
• The group jokes about the oddities in artist names, hyphens in athlete names, and how that “means the mom's tough as nails” (04:43).

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2. Podcasting, Gear, and Hasidic Tech Shops

• Discussion: Francis tells the story of launching a podcast with Julio, dropping $17.5k on gear at B&H (noting its Hasidic Jewish management with good-natured asides), insisting that the ‘buy once, cry once’ ethos is best for equipment. They riff on future-proofing tech and the rapid advancement of AI.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “I am of the mindset of buy once, cry once.” — Francis (09:34)
  • “That shopkeeper at the Hasidic Best Buy must have been fucking licking his chalk.” — Dave (11:16)
• Timestamps: 07:23–13:12

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3. Food Debates: Cookies, Travel Snacks, and Bizarre Snack Choices

• Discussion: Lively debate on the best cookies (Penn Station bakery vs. Amtrak vs. homemade), with Harry claiming plastic-wrapped train cookies outshine gourmet bakeries (13:01). A tangent ensues about eating while walking or driving—highlighting improbable feats (Francis eating a block-long walking salad, Dave noting people who eat cereal while driving, and pistachio-cracking behind the wheel).
• Memorable Moment:
  • Harry’s passionate defense of Amtrak cookies: "Best chocolate chip cookie I've ever had..." (12:57)
  • Francis's on-shell pistachio marathon while driving (15:19)
• Timestamps: 12:22–20:04

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4. Aquatic Phobias, Deep Ends, and College Hazing Stories

• Discussion: The mood shifts into nostalgia as Francis recounts brutal college sports pool drills, including a tale of his non-swimming teammate “Cheese” who nearly drowned during a Navy SEAL-style conditioning session. The conversation touches on the “trauma” of deep pools, the terror of high dives, and which schools have the craziest aquatic traditions.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “We had to take our sweatshirts off in the water while treading, flip them inside out, and put them back on.” — Francis (24:41)
  • “I think you'd be surprised, I think there's stuff like that happening, you just don’t talk about it.” — Francis (25:42)
• Timestamps: 21:15–26:56

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5. Olympics Talk: Figure Skating, Snowboarding, and ‘Straight Guy Points’

• Discussion: Olympic events dominate with talk of figure-skating greats, halfpipe expectations, and Norway’s perennial medal lead. The group spirals into a bit about whether being a straight male figure skater should earn bonus points, drawing lively debate and humorous (if off-color) theorizing about fairness and stereotypes in sports.
• Notable Quotes:
  • Harry: "I feel like, all right, the gay guy obviously was really good — he should be good. ... The straight guy probably isn't as good, everyone's probably dogging him at home, so give him a couple points." (36:12)
  • Francis: "It’s like being a white defensive back." (36:15)
• Timestamps: 27:08–38:40

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6. Tangents on Sweaters and Merch Gifting

• Discussion: Sweaters swapped as gifts between Francis, Harry, and Dave are discussed with mock accusation (“You still haven’t worn your sweater once!”). Francis wants the whole Barstool Bush team in matching ‘rat sweaters’.
• Timestamps: 43:04–45:52

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7. Insomnia, Facebook Marketplace, and the ‘Thrill of the Hunt’

• Discussion: Francis laments a night of poor sleep, describes falling into a rabbit hole of lowballing sellers on Facebook Marketplace for fancy items he’ll never buy, connecting this aimless browsing to “the thrill of the dupe.”
• Notable Quotes:
  • “I lowball people on end tables at 2:30am…” — Francis (69:08)
  • Dave: “Why would you fish when someone could just give you a fish?...It’s the thrill of the hunt.” (71:14)
• Timestamps: 49:50–71:21

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8. NFL Injury Speculation and Running Back Resiliency

• Discussion: Spirited back-and-forth on which NFL position is most likely to suffer season-ending injuries leads to admiration for Adrian Peterson’s superhuman post-ACL season (2012) and musings on running back durability.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “I went down an Adrian Peterson 2012 rabbit hole…James Andrews said he’d never seen a finer human specimen.” — Francis (58:34)
  • “The most injured reserve position players per year is running backs by a pretty high margin.” — Dave (60:02)
• Timestamps: 57:40–61:22

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9. Lost Sunglasses, Watches, and the Value of Retrieval

• Discussion: After reminiscing about lost designer shades and diving to retrieve sunglasses from lakes as a child, the crew discusses the right “tip” for someone who retrieves a high-end watch from a lake (consensus: up to $5k for a $60k watch).
• Timestamps: 56:01–57:32 & 62:01–63:09

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10. Modern TV Catch-Up and Show Fatigue

• Discussion: Big-name dramas debated: Mad Men, The Wire, Entourage. Francis can’t push through slow early seasons, and they debate what contemporary viewers will think of pre-#MeToo TV.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Blame society! You can’t get me to watch two earn-it seasons to get to the good stuff!” — Francis (63:52)
  • On watching The Wire with subtitles: “Which is quietly a very racist thing.” — Francis (65:04)
• Timestamps: 63:16–66:30

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11. The Charm (or Lack Thereof) in American Cities

• Discussion: As Francis books tour stops, talk turns to the “missing soul” of certain Texas cities—why “downtown Dallas” feels more like a highway rest stop than a big city.
• Timestamps: 76:03–77:52

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• Francis, on swimming drills:
  "We had to take our sweatshirts off in the water while we're treading, flip them inside out, and put them back on, all while treading water." (24:41)

• Harry, cookie allegiance:
  "Best chocolate chip cookie I’ve ever had is the one they sell on the Amtrak." (13:01)

• Dave Portnoy, on running backs:
  "The most injured reserve position players per year is running backs by a pretty high margin." (60:02)

• Francis, on Facebook Marketplace insomnia:
  “At 2:30am, I’m lowballing people on end tables.” (69:08)

• Harry, figure-skating bit:
  “The straight guy, like, probably isn't as good, but he's also like, everyone's probably just dogging him at home…give him a couple extra points.” (36:12)

• Francis, on survival:
  “I have to powerwash the fat off the inside of your tummy…just eat the shells.” (19:20)

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Engaging, Recurring Themes

• Male Anxiety and Modern Masculinity: Underpinning all the joking is Sasquatch's self-effacing quest for direction, with Francis and Dave half-jokingly bestowing ‘lessons’ but ultimately bonding through nostalgia and shared confusion about adulting.
• Absurdity of Modern Life: From Amtrak cookies to the “thrill of the dupe” on Facebook Marketplace, even the mundane is fodder for in-depth comedic examination.
• Aging & Nostalgia: There’s a tension between generational divides—skewering younger listeners’ views of the past and marveling at ‘the good ol’ days’ of sports, TV, and food.

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Key Timestamps

• Music/Name Games: 01:09–04:43
• Tech & B&H Photo Story: 07:23–13:12
• Cookies & Snacks: 12:22–20:04
• Swimming & College Hazing Stories: 21:15–26:56
• Olympics & Figure Skating Debates: 27:08–38:40
• Sweater Disputes: 43:04–45:52
• Insomnia & Marketplace Shopping: 49:50–71:21
• NFL Injuries/Running Back Stories: 57:40–61:22
• Sunglasses/Watch Divers: 56:01–57:32
• TV Talk: 63:16–66:30
• American Cities/Charm: 76:03–77:52

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Memorable Moments

• On Facebook Marketplace bargaining:
  • “Sorry, Christine. Suck my dick. I went back and forth with a lot of people about the frame tv.” — Francis (70:44)
• On gayness and scoring in figure-skating:
  • “It's like being a white defensive back!” — Francis (36:15)
• On cooking:
  • “Sometimes I get my salad and I’m so hungry, I can’t make it back to the office. It’s a block and a half.” — Francis (14:28)
• On hospitality:
  • “I bought the merchandise for the fucking bakery!” — Dave Portnoy (12:39)

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Tone & Delivery

The dialogue is fast, irreverent, and leans heavily on sarcasm, deadpan delivery, and inside jokes. The episode veers between complete absurdity (suggesting hunting deer with grenades) and moments of genuine reflection about aging, identity, and the struggle to “figure out life.” Even the episode's tangents hang together on the thread of male camaraderie.

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For Listeners Who Haven't Tuned In

This episode is classic Son of a Boy Dad: nothing is sacred, everything is riffed, and even serious or potentially heavy discussions are run through the blender of Barstool-brand humor. You’ll find yourself laughing at the absurd, occasionally raising an eyebrow, but always entertained by the chemistry and willingness of the hosts to say what others won’t.

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Advertisements, show intro/outro, and music breaks have been omitted above to focus on conversation content.

Transcript

[Dave Portnoy]

Hey. Son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

[Harry]

Out on the course, they're the PGA tourist's best players. But in the arena, they're prime time. And season two of TGL, presented by SoFi, is back. With lights, cameras, action. We're talking big moments, big personalities, big names in the stands, all on the big screen. Big time matchups with shot clocks, Hammer drops timeouts, overtime, playoffs. It's city versus city, squad versus squad. The sport just hits different under the lights. It's TGL, presented by SoFi.

[Francis]

Keep up.

[Harry]

It's golf. Tune in to every match only on espn. If you were watching football this weekend.

[Francis]

You know how it goes.

[Harry]

Somebody's always hungry by the first quarter, so call Pizza Hut and get the big New Yorker for just 10 bucks. Our biggest pizza for the biggest games. These slices are huge.

[Francis]

Like, use two hands and fold it huge.

[Harry]

Feed your crew and order ahead@pizza hut.com.

[Francis]

Or in the app brought to you by Pizza Hut. I'm going to be funny as fuck today. I'm in a mood.

[Dave Portnoy]

I know. I love it.

[Francis]

I listened to some hardcore rap coming in.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Myself. Fucking stoked.

[Harry]

What were you bumping?

[Francis]

I'm going to have to look up the name of the guy who's that.

[Harry]

Hardcore you don't even know you're listening to.

[Francis]

I was listening to Goat Stamp by Stove God Cooks.

[Harry]

Oh, I don't know who that is.

[Dave Portnoy]

You listen to the Stove God.

[Harry]

You know who that is?

[Dave Portnoy]

I mean, I'm familiar with him.

[Francis]

Sgc, Stove God Cooks.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. I was listening to Sludge Mother.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Sludge Mother goes so hard.

[Harry]

I'm familiar with any of these.

[Dave Portnoy]

This isn't rap, though. Sludge Mother's more like. Like hardcore. Like tool. Yeah, it's like Hardcore, but listening to.

[Harry]

A lot of Tool lately.

[Francis]

I've been listening to some Cole.

[Harry]

J. Cole, sure. Nice.

[Francis]

Yeah, some Cole. I think he's back.

[Dave Portnoy]

I saw him with Benny the Butcher yesterday. The Butcher and J. Cole were together.

[Francis]

That's great.

[Dave Portnoy]

Our brother.

[Harry]

I love that duo.

[Dave Portnoy]

Our former collaborator.

[Harry]

I mean, the Butcher. Hard to beat.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. He invited you into. You into his house with open arms.

[Harry]

Exactly. Into his studio.

[Dave Portnoy]

Exactly.

[Francis]

All right, go ahead. Of course, I had other stuff that I had going on. You. You find.

[Harry]

Loosen the belt a little bit.

[Dave Portnoy]

Really?

[Francis]

All right. Oh, SD Kid, SD Card. I've been listening to SD Kid.

[Harry]

Who's that?

[Francis]

British SD Kid. I think he's the guy that collaborated with Shally. Is this British rap Shalomi?

[Harry]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Fairly sure it is British.

[Francis]

Drop a verse on that.

[Harry]

I don't know. I don't know any of his music. I only know that this is all. Yeah.

[Francis]

Atreides, you don't.

[Harry]

I don't know who that is.

[Dave Portnoy]

See, now he knows how it feels.

[Francis]

We send all guy heap. Come on now, let's go.

[Dave Portnoy]

I don't want to hear you speak in one conventional sentence today.

[Francis]

Young boy never broke again. Come on now. All right, these are the hits.

[Harry]

All right. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy dad podcast. It's 2-11-noon HQ3 on the dot. Welcome back.

[Dave Portnoy]

I wish I could walk up on Francis listening to some NBA young boy in his car.

[Francis]

Same Swae Lee. Mike Will made it.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah. I'll give you.

[Francis]

I'll give you a new reel for your rock. You can spell Mike. Will made it. The way that he spells it.

[Dave Portnoy]

A new reel for your rod.

[Harry]

Is there like trick letters?

[Francis]

Oh, there's all kinds of stuff, brother man.

[Harry]

Okay, I'm gonna go. Mi. Am I wrong already?

[Francis]

No.

[Harry]

Okay. Am I?

[Francis]

No. By the way, I don't mean to confuse you with what I said. It's about the capitalizations and random hyphens. Yeah.

[Harry]

I'm not gonna.

[Dave Portnoy]

So capital M, lowercase I, capital L, lowercase I.

[Harry]

Would assume lowercase L or I or uppercase I.

[Francis]

It looks like Mike is completely normal. Where are you? So that's his government name. And then Will is when things started to go off the rails. Capital W, lowercase I, capital L, capital L, space. Made is normal. But then it's hyphen it.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's the best.

[Francis]

It's as if he was born Mike Will Maid. But his mother was a feminist last name it and demanded that his name was hyphenated.

[Dave Portnoy]

She's just a lawyer. She's just a first wave feminist academic pandemic.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah. We've got Smith and Jingba. Yeah. And you've got. Made it.

[Harry]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dave Portnoy]

Classic. Whenever you see a football player with a hyphenated name, you know they're going to be nice for a couple reasons. You know, the mom was tough as nails. Wouldn't take no for an answer.

[Francis]

That's right.

[Dave Portnoy]

And you know, the dad was in their life.

[Francis]

Yes. An amazingly progressive combination.

[Harry]

You're not wrong.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's a good point.

[Harry]

Yeah. It's a good point.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, I guess that's not really an indicator. Success.

[Harry]

Smith and Jigba, though, locked down.

[Dave Portnoy]

Right.

[Harry]

Gonzo had his paws.

[Francis]

He Hit his head pretty hard, did he? Oh, he disappeared for a quarter.

[Harry]

Yeah, no, he did.

[Dave Portnoy]

What do you think goes.

[Harry]

I just thought. I just thought Gonzo had him in a box that whole time. It's like he's not on the field.

[Dave Portnoy]

The guy goes first every time.

[Francis]

I don't know. That all depends who's making more money.

[Harry]

Yeah. I think it fluctuated, actually. Like, bounces. It can switch every year.

[Dave Portnoy]

And Jacob Smith doing it.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have jerseys from when his. When his mom went back to work, and that was when they weren't sure if he was gonna make it his rookie season. He was still on a rookie deal, and she was like, I'm picking up night shifts again, son. You better start hitting some go routes.

[Harry]

Mike Willett made.

[Francis]

That.

[Dave Portnoy]

Honestly. Goes hard.

[Harry]

I don't hate that at all.

[Dave Portnoy]

I think we should come out as that artist. Do you think he could have any type of litigation against us for that?

[Harry]

I would assume, yeah, probably will.

[Dave Portnoy]

Mike.

[Harry]

It made. Will it get made?

[Francis]

Will. Am I will? Am I from the Black Pete eyes?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. I forgot that they were in the same. They're related.

[Francis]

Well, am I will?

[Harry]

Am I will?

[Dave Portnoy]

Will?

[Francis]

You are.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. This is good. This is good podcasting.

[Harry]

This is always what it's all about.

[Francis]

Yes.

[Harry]

This is what they had in mind when they created the Shore seven hundreds.

[Dave Portnoy]

What are those?

[Harry]

The microphones that we're using. Oh, I don't know if it's 700. I just guessed.

[Dave Portnoy]

I didn't realize you.

[Harry]

I thought you boys would at least know the equipment you're using.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, the only. I just know that every time under our podcast, they're saying, make podcast equipment more expensive.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

I just see that every time I.

[Francis]

Take all this for granted. The whole. Yeah.

[Harry]

Even the.

[Francis]

This will be here forever.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

What do you mean we're saying or.

[Francis]

Just whatever we want? Our structure, our playground, the equipment. Free producers.

[Dave Portnoy]

This will never fail.

[Francis]

Hey, guys, I have an idea. Make it.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. This will last forever.

[Francis]

This will last forever.

[Dave Portnoy]

When you left Barstool briefly, for whatever reason, did you feel. Did you feel an absence of that or whatever? I forget. Forget exactly.

[Francis]

No, we went. Julio and I went into. We went into that B and H photo store. Oh, yeah, the one that is run by the Hasidic Jews.

[Harry]

Yeah, they. They got all the tech there.

[Francis]

And that's not a mean thing to say. There's no commentary there. That's just true.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why would there be me? Why would that be mean?

[Francis]

Well, I'm just trying to avoid all the stuff you Guys been throwing around all the. All the.

[Harry]

I added a blue square to my profile.

[Francis]

Bad shit that the two of you.

[Harry]

I've got the blue square up right now.

[Francis]

Yeah. What's that supposed to mean?

[Harry]

Back the back the Jews.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, a thin Jew line.

[Harry]

Yeah, exactly.

[Francis]

I don't think the blue square.

[Harry]

Yeah. You didn't see the super bowl commercial. That's what we're doing. That's what they're doing now. It's the blue square.

[Dave Portnoy]

Blue square.

[Francis]

I thought that was back the cops.

[Harry]

No.

[Francis]

Fund the pd.

[Dave Portnoy]

Not anymore.

[Harry]

No.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, but the red square is anti Semitic, which has the firefighters in the bind.

[Francis]

Oh, shoot.

[Dave Portnoy]

We have to be. You want to wear the uniform?

[Francis]

Yeah. We went to B and H Photo, and I remember I had just told Julio that I wanted to start a podcast, and he was like, cool. And then we went in there and I spent $17,500 and he was like, huh.

[Dave Portnoy]

Okay.

[Francis]

I mean, we were like, following me. I was just like Supermarket Sweep saying, like, surely we need a wireless mic for when we go out into the wild. Top of the line. Better be. Shopping cart in an electronics store. 3 cameras. 3 4K cameras. By the way, I. I just said to Julia, I was like, here, let's. All I ask is that, like, we. Our ads that we get, you know, film me, and then once we're through that we'll split everything 50, 50. And we did it in a. I don't know, a couple months probably.

[Harry]

Not bad.

[Francis]

Yeah. It was the right thing. We had to do it.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

I am of the mindset of buy once, cry once.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Is that the saying?

[Harry]

I don't know. I've never heard it.

[Dave Portnoy]

Buy one, get one.

[Francis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Looking for it. So what's the thinking behind a. I.

[Francis]

Don'T want to buy a middle tier and then get tired of it and not need to upgrade again. I'm going to the top of the wall.

[Harry]

You want it? You want the big one?

[Francis]

Give me the up. Give me the top dog so that I never have to upgrade.

[Harry]

Yeah, no, I know. That's what I did with my PC. I future proofed it.

[Francis]

Future proof?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Harry]

That's what they call it.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's the Japanese denim of PCs.

[Harry]

Exactly. So I don't need a new one for, like, probably another, like five, 10 years. Probably sooner than 10 years. Probably sooner than five years, to be honest.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

There's no way I'm not upgrading my PC in five years. That's awesome. I don't have to.

[Francis]

Five years.

[Harry]

Five years. I'd be Good. I think.

[Dave Portnoy]

I guess.

[Harry]

Technology change. Now. There would have to be some major developments in the tech world. DDR6.

[Francis]

What do you. Oh. As if that doesn't happen.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. That never. They're done.

[Harry]

Oh no. That shit's over.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're done innovating.

[Harry]

AI is over. Have you ever. Have you guys even. I haven't even heard of any.

[Francis]

Have to come in. I'm not even talking about that.

[Dave Portnoy]

You bring it up every time we talk.

[Harry]

Because it goes hand in hand. The PC.

[Francis]

Why?

[Dave Portnoy]

You'd have to buy some new shit. Yeah.

[Francis]

I was just talking about tech in general. I'm pretty confident that PC tech is going to be evolving at light speed.

[Harry]

It's slowing down.

[Francis]

Why?

[Harry]

Because of AI.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Harry]

Because they all.

[Dave Portnoy]

Because they don't want to work.

[Harry]

Media. The biggest graphics card maker. They just announced they're not making graphics cards anymore.

[Francis]

Really?

[Harry]

Yeah. They're just pumping everything into AI. Just pumping it.

[Francis]

Yeah. Okay.

[Dave Portnoy]

That shopkeeper at the Hasidic Best Buy must have been fucking licking his chalk.

[Francis]

He was twirling his curls.

[Harry]

They make some. What were you saying?

[Dave Portnoy]

Something anti Semitic.

[Francis]

I think he was just excited.

[Dave Portnoy]

He almost choked on his matzo ball soup and his gefilte fish and latkes.

[Francis]

Yeah. We spent 17. 5. I had it on a new credit card. So I had to unlock. It was a brand new credit card. I had three months to spend 6,000. And I was like, hold my beer.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And get a whole bunch of points or miles or something.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. They're matching MQDs. I heard.

[Francis]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, today's our last day, boys.

[Harry]

Thought it was tomorrow.

[Francis]

Tomorrow. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. We can't know.

[Harry]

I think it's tomorrow.

[Francis]

Did you look?

[Harry]

Got a lot of flights to book today.

[Francis]

You better. You had better. My boy.

[Dave Portnoy]

I'm so pissed. I have no travel plan. And I was trying to explain it to my wife and she's like, why are you beeping at me?

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

She's like.

[Dave Portnoy]

M2D's like I'm R2D2 talking to her. She didn't want to hear it.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

No one wants to hear about MQDs.

[Dave Portnoy]

Somehow we persist though.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

By the way, my man. Right? How you say that? Yeah. That is. They make unbelievable baked goods.

[Dave Portnoy]

The chocolate chip cookies. I said this to a babysitter. Mine. She was like, I don't really like them. I was like, what?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Fired her ass in the spot. I'll look after my own.

[Francis]

You know they make good cookies when you buy the Hat.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yes. Dude, I bought the merchandise for the fucking bakery.

[Francis]

Jesus. All right. I gotta remember this.

[Dave Portnoy]

Give me a shirt. Give me an apron.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're so good. They're such soft. Incredible. There's one at Penn Station. There's one in Moynihan.

[Francis]

I would bet that's not their best.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's not, but it's still very, very nice.

[Harry]

Best chocolate chip cookie I've ever had is the one they saw on the Amtrak.

[Francis]

Oh, my God, Harry, for fuck's sake.

[Harry]

I'm just gonna be honest.

[Francis]

Sometimes it's like come in a plastic wrapper.

[Harry]

It's so good, though.

[Francis]

Oh, my God.

[Harry]

Whatever they're putting it, it's like, mostly salt.

[Francis]

There's some toffee in there.

[Harry]

It's so.

[Francis]

There's some good bites.

[Harry]

I don't think I've ever eaten anything that. It was like I lost control of myself that fast. It was like after one bite, I was in a trance.

[Dave Portnoy]

What do you do? What do you mean you lost control?

[Harry]

Like, you spasm. Massive cookie. It's like this big, and I ate it in probably, like, 15 seconds.

[Dave Portnoy]

You wolf. Sit down.

[Harry]

Yeah. It was like, I need. I need to see if I can fit all of it in my mouth.

[Dave Portnoy]

At the same time and experience all of this cookie. I also think sometimes foods taste better if you're in a dire circumstance.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

If you're trapped on a. Like, a Amtrak, if you're moving. Yeah.

[Francis]

Something about the motion that. I don't know, it. It layers the seasoning, but definitely.

[Dave Portnoy]

I agree. I remember Esquire magazine one year, they had one of their dumb lists, but it was like walking while you're in a train or a car is fine. But they said walking while eating is a niche. Niche.

[Francis]

Really? Really.

[Dave Portnoy]

What do you guys think about walking?

[Harry]

I love a walk and eat.

[Francis]

I do, too. I almost feel like it's healthy.

[Harry]

I think it is.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Goes down smoother.

[Francis]

They tell you to walk after you eat, and I'm like, well, why not put the cart on the horse?

[Harry]

Why not before, during, and after?

[Francis]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dave Portnoy]

What kind of food are we talking about?

[Francis]

I'll eat anything, man.

[Dave Portnoy]

Walking.

[Francis]

Just killing two birds with one stone while you walk.

[Harry]

I mean, I've seen Francis eat a salad while walking.

[Francis]

Sure have.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Sometimes I get my salad and I'm so hungry, I can't make it back to the office. It's a block and a half.

[Harry]

I think you're the only person that's ever had that issue.

[Francis]

So it's a genetic.

[Harry]

I got to get my hands in this salad immediately.

[Francis]

Blessing and a curse, you know, my metabolism screaming at me.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

You know what a weirdly high amount of people do is eat cereal while they're driving. Eat a bowl of cereal in their car. That's weird. You have no hands.

[Francis]

That's dangerous.

[Harry]

That's the always sunny thing where he. They. They slam on the brakes and the cereal goes everywhere. Glenn Howard and said that that actually happened to him when he was on the way to start. They were on there. It was on their way to the writer's room and he was at a cereal and he. He like, had, like, had to slam on the brakes and the cereal went everywhere.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why do people do that? Why would you have floating milk without a top?

[Harry]

I don't know.

[Dave Portnoy]

Like, that's so fucking insane. But it's kind of popular that people do it.

[Francis]

Did I tell you guys that I ate an entire large bag of. Of on shell pistachios while I was driving?

[Harry]

That's nuts. No, that's not even like an easy food to eat while driving.

[Francis]

That. What?

[Harry]

That's not even like that easy of a food to eat while driving.

[Francis]

Well, that's the exact point I'm making.

[Harry]

Oh, wow.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Dave Portnoy]

All right, I got the point.

[Harry]

I'm just shocked that you were able to do that.

[Dave Portnoy]

Well, can you crack a pistachio with one hand?

[Harry]

Like, I couldn't think of a more inconvenient food if you just didn't say even.

[Dave Portnoy]

Like, that sentence would have worked.

[Francis]

Hence why I brought it up.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's not it.

[Francis]

We're on the theme of difficult foods to eat while driving.

[Harry]

I don't know. I didn't put it together.

[Dave Portnoy]

You would have been agreeing with him if you didn't say even. But you kind of tried to one up him at his own.

[Harry]

I thought you were saying that as like, I ate a lot of pistachios.

[Dave Portnoy]

You thought he was bragging.

[Harry]

Yeah, I thought you were bragging about the amount of pistachios that you ate. I didn't understand that. You were like, yeah, I still don't even know. Like, I would rather eat a pistachio. Anything else? Oh, yeah, off shell.

[Dave Portnoy]

Well, I mean, the cereal is the same because you need both hands.

[Francis]

That's it. I cannot crack a pistachio with one hand. I'm not. God.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's like people. What about an egg with one hand?

[Francis]

Maybe? I mean, on a. On a. On a ledge or something.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, like a side of a metal mixing.

[Francis]

Of course. Who can't do that?

[Dave Portnoy]

I Think there's some people who need both hands.

[Francis]

And then once it's cracked to separ. Yeah, then you're a chef.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, you need to have that easy.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Finger dentality.

[Francis]

I was. I was cracking these and these pistachios, and I then used my cup holder as my catch all for the shells.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah, that's come back.

[Francis]

And then when I. When I finally got home, this is when I drove into the city for the. That one spot of the cellar and then had to drive all the way back upstate. And so when I got back upstate, I cleaned out the cup holder. But, man, I'll tell you, there's a lot of filament shrapnel.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, there's. There's like a stringiness of the pistachio show when you really get down to.

[Harry]

To the nitty gritty mount.

[Francis]

If anyone got in the car at any point after that day, they'd say, boy, the person who drives this car fucking loves pistachios.

[Dave Portnoy]

It reeked of pistachio.

[Francis]

You could just see. You knew exactly what was in the cup holders.

[Harry]

Have you guys ever had, like, a bad pistachio? Like a. Like one?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yes, I've had it.

[Harry]

It's disgusting. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

And they don't. They have no bite to them. I remember one of.

[Harry]

The first time I had one of those, I remember biting into it and I got like. The only way to describe it is like I got like tunnel vision. Like. Like I remember like, everything just like sharpening and being like, oh. I was like, what the is this? Because it's like you're. You're on the roll, you know, you're just popping. You're just going to. And then out of nowhere, it's like dog shit in your mouth.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's like. It's like you'll get the shivers, like.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Two fucking pieces of Styrofoam.

[Harry]

Literally.

[Dave Portnoy]

You'll be like.

[Harry]

Yeah, you feel it along throughout the whole body.

[Francis]

Right. It's. No, this was a good batch. And I did have a few that wouldn't open, though.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

And you got to be careful with those, because if you end up eating those, you can get really sick.

[Dave Portnoy]

I'll put a two teeth and kind of crack them.

[Francis]

I think I'm thinking of muscles. Yeah, you're thinking of classic Red Tide.

[Harry]

I'll be honest, I don't even know what that is. So dick's blend a muscle.

[Francis]

You know what?

[Harry]

Well, I know what a muscle is, but if you eat a uncracked muscle.

[Francis]

If you cook Mussels. And one of them doesn't open.

[Harry]

Yeah, you shouldn't eat it.

[Dave Portnoy]

Well, how would you even swallow? How would you even.

[Harry]

I usually just get in there with the hammer. Oh, you crack that thing open.

[Francis]

Yeah. Like a stone crab.

[Harry]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dave Portnoy]

I thought you were talking about swallowing an entire muscle. I thought you were just like, yeah, that can hurt your stomach if you swallow the shell. I thought you were like pelican.

[Francis]

Just now when I'm preparing for war, I. I do eat pistachios with the shell on. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Harry]

Just get it all in there.

[Francis]

Just want to toughen my stomach.

[Harry]

Smart people do that.

[Francis]

It's like power washing the fat off the inside of your tummy.

[Harry]

People eat tails or anything off the inside of your tummy. Just got the raw tummy after that. After eating a bunch of shells, Bourdain.

[Dave Portnoy]

Would be like, I have a strong stomach. I could, I can handle like this, this tails of a shrimp. But I think that's fucking disgusting. And it doesn't. It's like, not nice. You could easily just be like, yeah.

[Harry]

Also it's, it's, it's not good. It's bad.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's bad.

[Harry]

It's like, yeah. I mean, I'm sure you can handle those tales of a shrimp, but you could also just easily avoid them and enjoy the shrimp.

[Dave Portnoy]

Right. You don't have to do that. No one's like, oh, you gotta eat the tails. You're not fully.

[Harry]

I mean, the tail completely masks all.

[Dave Portnoy]

Of the taste would ruin it.

[Harry]

It's like eating it with a plastic wrap around it.

[Francis]

Yeah. I'm just thinking about the tails of a shrimp being some like the saga.

[Dave Portnoy]

The Canterbury tales of a shrimp.

[Francis]

Of a shrimp that, you know, wanted to be more than a shrimp.

[Harry]

Yeah. Let me tell you the tale.

[Francis]

They're.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're foul creatures on the ocean floor.

[Francis]

Yeah, they are.

[Dave Portnoy]

When you see them moving about, they just bounce. I thought that they, like.

[Harry]

I thought they were like, they, they're just like. They're kind of just floating around.

[Francis]

I don't know.

[Harry]

I've never been tiny.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're disgusting. How you could probably like free dive to like 20, 30ft, though. I think you could hold your. I think you have the lung capacity to hit some like that.

[Francis]

I get a little spooked going that deep.

[Dave Portnoy]

The water pressure too, you know?

[Francis]

Yeah. I can clear my ears pretty good at that. But there's something about getting all the way down there where you're like, I don't know if I can get back up.

[Harry]

I Hate that feeling. I used to get that feeling in the pool.

[Francis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

In the deep end.

[Francis]

Totally.

[Harry]

Like, I don't know if I'm getting back. I think I might be out down here forever.

[Francis]

Yeah. How deep was that pool?

[Harry]

Probably like eight feet.

[Francis]

Oh, have you ever been in like a 14 foot.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

That's scary, dude.

[Harry]

I. I used to take swimming lessons in like our town pool and I would do, I would go to that one and I literally used to be like afraid of like sharks in that pool.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Because it was so deep.

[Francis]

I get it.

[Harry]

I was like, I don't know. You can't see the bottom. I don't know what's down there.

[Francis]

Right.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Probably some shrimp. Yeah, without a doubt.

[Dave Portnoy]

Lobsters maybe. But you go to like a college's swimming pool or something where like the high dives are. Have you ever even been up onto the highest. Less jump from it?

[Harry]

I've never been on any of them. I, I'm, I'm terrified of that.

[Francis]

I've done it. Yeah, I have.

[Harry]

You've jumped off of it.

[Francis]

Oh, sure, sure.

[Harry]

Damn pencil dive.

[Francis]

I've told this before, but we, we had to do the program with coach Kapatulik. He was a Force Recon marine, of course, known for repelling off of helicopters onto enemy ships and then fighting his way to the bridge to take over the boat.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's pretty hardcore.

[Francis]

That's what he did.

[Harry]

When was it legit done?

[Francis]

One day during a training exercise, his helicopter, as they were coming back to the aircraft carrier, came up short and the wheel hooked into the netting on the side of the aircraft carrier and the entire helicopter tipped into the ocean. And half of his crew died. Oh no. And so then he dedicated the rest, he's dedicated the rest of his life to like raising, basically raising money and running programs to ensure that the children of all of his team will never have to pay for college.

[Harry]

That's nice.

[Francis]

Good man calls it the program. But this was our strength and conditioning coach for a week prior to our season. And at 5:30 in the morning, sound.

[Harry]

Like he would be an easy strength and condition.

[Francis]

We had to meet at Blodgett Pool. 5:30am Yeah, I remember the janitor being like these, opening it up for us.

[Dave Portnoy]

Dark. Yeah.

[Francis]

Dark in September.

[Harry]

Furious.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Wait, Blodgett, like Henry Blodgett?

[Harry]

Yes.

[Francis]

Really? Do we know that?

[Dave Portnoy]

I don't know that Henry Blodge is the guy that tried to like take down barstool, isn't he? That's the guy. Dave would Call like Henry blow dick or.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he's a big pool constructor. That's his other.

[Harry]

When he's not fighting wars with.

[Dave Portnoy]

With Dave.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's like the business insider man.

[Francis]

But that's how he Side hustle.

[Harry]

I thought he was the. Yeah, you're right.

[Francis]

You're right.

[Dave Portnoy]

He. That's. But that's how he made his fortune.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

A pool shark.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

The deep end. I actually created the deep end.

[Francis]

For me, everybody could stand. And I thought, that's too easy, inventing the deep end. I don't know if you guys know this, but the second highest cause of paralysis in America is people diving into.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yes.

[Francis]

And breaking their necks on the. And then I said, what if we went three feet deeper?

[Harry]

Yeah, I want to go deeper.

[Dave Portnoy]

Someone did.

[Harry]

This will never work.

[Francis]

It's not enough water. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

You went to. So you went to Blodget.

[Francis]

And skateboarders loved it in the off season. Finally they could get more air. We went to. We went to Blod. Yeah. It was. It was the. It was the fall. It was like right when we got to school, sophomore year, and we had to go down there at 5:30 in the morning. And I remember we didn't know what was coming. And there was Coach Cap, and he was standing on the diving board with.

[Harry]

His shirt off at 5:30.

[Francis]

And I'd never seen that before.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I'd never seen a. I'd never seen a coach coaching us shirtless.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And I was like, oh, that's not good. And he had a whistle, and he looked like a lifeguard who was gonna fucking rape us. And we had to wear full sweats, tops, and bottoms. And then tread water in the pool. And then one of the hardest things we had to do was.

[Harry]

It's like Navy SEAL shit.

[Francis]

Yeah. We had to take our sweatshirts off in the water while we're treading water and then flip them inside out and then put them back on, all while treading water. And there were a few guys on our team who fundamentally could not swim. They just could not swim. Dan Cheese Di Maria, I'll never forget. Couldn't swim. And I'm looking at him and I'm like, hey, ho. Hello. He's. He's doing that gargling thing where like half the air is water in his lungs. And Coach Cap was like, solve it. He's your teammate. So then me and my buddy Greg had to take turns. Yeah. Going to the bottom of the pool and standing so that Cheese could stand on our shoulders while he did it.

[Harry]

That's crazy. And then I'm letting Cheese drown.

[Dave Portnoy]

That can't be the best way to save Cheese.

[Francis]

All we had was. All we had.

[Dave Portnoy]

They. You.

[Harry]

They just don't do like that anymore. Like, that doesn't. That just can't. If that happened today, there would be, like, articles in the New York Times, like, Harvard Lacrosse program drowning.

[Francis]

I think you'd be surprised. I think there's stuff like that happening. I think there's just, like. You don't talk about it.

[Harry]

I mean, that's crazy. One of the dudes can't swim, and people are lifting him out of the water, hoisting him above air so he can do. He can.

[Dave Portnoy]

But why can't they just tread next to him and, like, hold him up as opposed to. You have to. He has to stand on you. Is like.

[Francis]

He couldn't do it. We couldn't. You couldn't hold someone while you were treading water? We. We needed our arms.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, so you couldn't even just, like, have them lay on you as you, like, waited backwards like a baby?

[Francis]

No, but if someone.

[Harry]

What if you just, like. What if you just, like, back.

[Dave Portnoy]

Just put them in a basket and float him up the river or anything?

[Harry]

What if you just hit a back float the whole time and you're just cool as a cucumber?

[Francis]

No, they were. They were on us about that, and we had to do. There were all kinds of. I mean, we worked out in the pool. We were in the pool for an hour and a half. That's in full sweats.

[Harry]

That's hell.

[Francis]

It was crazy.

[Dave Portnoy]

And then you had to jump off the top. Top skydive once.

[Francis]

Once we finished, we got to fool around on the. On the platform.

[Harry]

I didn't know if the coach made you do it.

[Francis]

No.

[Harry]

Everyone on the high dive now.

[Francis]

Then it got fun and people were, like, sending flips and shit.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

But I don't know if we went all the way to the top. I don't remember. I think.

[Dave Portnoy]

So scary.

[Francis]

I don't know if people were doing flips off the top.

[Harry]

Probably not.

[Francis]

That's too high.

[Dave Portnoy]

What school is it? Where is it, like, the Stanford swimming team or Stanford diving team where they do that and they're doing, like, insane. Like, the whole school is there cheering them on. It's not even a diving contest. They all go like.

[Francis]

I think the Naval Academy does that.

[Dave Portnoy]

Really?

[Francis]

Oh, really? Yeah. I think they have to jump off.

[Harry]

I would. I wouldn't be able to do that. Like, I wouldn't be able to get myself to jump off.

[Francis]

Well, you have to.

[Harry]

Have you guys been watching the Olympics? No, Now I just.

[Dave Portnoy]

A couple events, like, I'll put it on the background. I'm not, like, watching front to back on an event.

[Harry]

I've been watching front to back. I've been watching a lot of the Olympics.

[Francis]

Really?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

What do you like Winter Olympics? What's going on that you like?

[Harry]

Well, it's been a ton of the figure skating, which I'm not huge on, but I've grown to. I've grown to be. To appreciate it.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's a girl sport.

[Harry]

Appreciate the art. It's definitely a girls sport.

[Francis]

But don't we have a star?

[Harry]

We got a couple stars.

[Francis]

Don't we have a boy God?

[Harry]

I think you're.

[Francis]

I think.

[Harry]

I think you're referring to the quad God, Pat McAfee.

[Dave Portnoy]

McAfee is figure skating.

[Harry]

Oh, no, Quad God.

[Dave Portnoy]

Go down here.

[Harry]

I don't know, I forget his name's, like, Illy. I. I forget. I forget what his name is. But yeah, he can do a backflip.

[Francis]

Oh, cool.

[Harry]

Yeah, it's pretty sick.

[Francis]

Is it, Ilya?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

I cannot imagine. I mean, I guess it's easier if you're. Is it easier if you're going faster to do a backflip?

[Harry]

I think he's the only one that's ever really done it.

[Francis]

No, that. That's not right.

[Harry]

It was banned.

[Francis]

Yeah, I did know that.

[Harry]

Yeah. There was like a girl that did it, like, years ago, but it was band while she did it. So she got swallowed.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah, she hit her head. And they started making the. The skating rinks deeper.

[Harry]

Oh, no. She.

[Dave Portnoy]

They started making it out of unfrozen.

[Francis]

Ice and they're like, clearly this isn't safe.

[Dave Portnoy]

They just had to skate on water.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Slush, dangerous.

[Francis]

Flush it up.

[Harry]

Watch. I watched the skiing, the bobsledding, losing big air, half pipe.

[Francis]

That's cool. But the problem always, for me is that I never know when things are airing that I want.

[Harry]

It's because they're all. It's on at like 5:00am yeah.

[Francis]

So if you just tune in randomly and you're like, all right, it's the second heat of a fucking speed skating thing.

[Harry]

I. I can't watch the speed skating, all right?

[Francis]

I watched five minutes of this and now I don't care.

[Harry]

Yeah, you just got to get into it. Like, you just gotta really submerge yourself in. Just be like, I love this country.

[Francis]

Yeah. Yeah, we're not doing that. Hot on the metal count, though. Norway Always beats us. Yeah, but maybe that's because there's been a lot of the Nordic skiing early.

[Harry]

I don't know what it is.

[Francis]

They dominate.

[Harry]

The Asians are winning everything. Japan and China are just destroying everything. Well, look, they're so tiny. There are flying around the ice.

[Francis]

Aren't there medals that mean more than other medals?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yes.

[Francis]

Don't we care a lot about the half pipe and the cool skiing stuff?

[Harry]

I don't know if we're going to win any of that shit.

[Francis]

Well, there's the Australian guy.

[Harry]

They know it's Japanese dudes.

[Francis]

Well, they're gonna challenge him the.

[Harry]

In what's. In what sport?

[Francis]

Half pipe snowboarding. Half pipe.

[Harry]

It'll be Japan.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're gonna get our asses.

[Francis]

Maybe they're just.

[Harry]

Dude, they're tiny and they.

[Dave Portnoy]

I don't think Japanese are tiny. I think that that's like a false. Or maybe just the snowball.

[Harry]

I'm watching the games. They're three feet shorter than everyone else out there.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And they're doing fucking quadruple backflips like it's nothing.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

On ssx. Tricky. There was a Japanese dude that flew.

[Harry]

They're built different. There's. Dude, there's one Japanese figure skater. This dude, he did a little dance to some like jazz song. It was pretty sick. I fucked with it.

[Francis]

Nice.

[Dave Portnoy]

Did you see the one guy came in third place and then he said that he cheated on his girlfriend of six months? He immediately admitted it.

[Francis]

What he said?

[Dave Portnoy]

He said, three months into our six month relationship, I cheated.

[Francis]

What do you mean?

[Harry]

Why would he say that? At the highest. At the biggest moment of his entire life.

[Francis]

What's that about?

[Dave Portnoy]

Can you look for that exact quote? It was fucking insane. It was the biggest moment of his life. And I don't know if it's because he came in third. He was like forced to admit it, like a fantasy football punishment or if he just wanted to get it off his chest. 6.

[Harry]

Like social suicide as a show of love.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. He committed social suicide as a show of love.

[Harry]

Is he American?

[Dave Portnoy]

No, Norwegian.

[Francis]

Boy, that's a weird thing.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's bad.

[Francis]

That's a weird thing. I don't know if the girlfriend's like appreciating that.

[Harry]

She's probably like, why did you tell anybody that? She's like, know each other.

[Dave Portnoy]

She's like, I cheated too. We weren't a thing.

[Francis]

I haven't even met your parents.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's six months. And he said three months in, I cheated. That was like halfway through. And it's been three months of trying to get her back. So he was with a girl for three months, cheated, and then just spent the other half of the relationship, like, committing public seppuku over it.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Wow.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

He said, maybe I'm dumb as a rock. I have a mental IQ, but I do stupid stuff. This guy sounds like Dr. Seuss.

[Dave Portnoy]

Isn't that what you said after the Dave's book situation?

[Francis]

I don't think I said anything of the kind.

[Dave Portnoy]

I'm joking.

[Francis]

But I will say that I did cheat on my girlfriend three months into the book. And maybe I'm stupid for saying that, but if we were getting published, I wouldn't have admitted.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Dave made you do this?

[Francis]

Yes.

[Harry]

If I won gold, none of you would have known this.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Well, that's so insane. It's fun to watch, though. The guy running uphill at six mile, A six mile an hour pace is sick.

[Harry]

That's crazy, dude.

[Francis]

The.

[Harry]

The cross country. I watched the cross country skiing. It's actually not as boring as you would think it is. I don't really. It doesn't really make sense. Like, you can't. You can't really pass people, which I don't like. It feels like there's a pretty big disadvantage.

[Dave Portnoy]

That was the race in the first minute.

[Harry]

The race is over a second it starts. No, dude, you can't. Like, it's like, impossible to pass people unless people are people if they, like, go down.

[Francis]

No, they're in the.

[Harry]

Dude, it's like, you can pass people, I guess, when they're doing, like, the freestyle part, that part. But the part where they're in the grooves. Yeah, you're just. You're just stuck behind the person in front of you.

[Francis]

Right, But. But you can exit the grooves to. To go around. No, I think.

[Harry]

But it's. It doesn't really look like anyone's exiting the grooves. They're locked in there.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's fun to watch. But my problem with some of the sports is where it's, like, technical, technically based that I can't tell what's good. Like, I don't know in a figure skating routine. That's how the figure skating is gymnastics. It's like, okay, why was that the perfect one? And, like, why is another one.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah. Because everything I watch, I'm like, that seemed pretty good to me.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And then they're like, that was actually a disaster.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

He didn't fall over. Yeah.

[Francis]

Well, that's what we have those announcers for, right?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah, that's good. I think in the Figure skating, it's just as simple as who can jump the most times with the most spins without falling.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

What I don't understand, but it's all.

[Harry]

About, like, the landings and shit.

[Francis]

True. But what I don't understand about figure skating is how every single one of them can do that thing where they just spin in place on the ice and put their head out and kind of. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Go crazy like that Tasmanian Devil.

[Francis]

And that's never that. That's never something that anyone is impressed by. And all of them can do it. And there's never a problem with that move.

[Harry]

I mean, I think it's filler, to be honest.

[Francis]

It is filler.

[Harry]

Yeah. They have to be. They have a certain amount of time. They got to be out there. You can only do so many big spins.

[Francis]

But is there a version of that that's harder than others? Like, maybe when they take a leg like that.

[Harry]

That's what I was gonn.

[Dave Portnoy]

They.

[Harry]

When they grab their foot.

[Francis]

Yeah, they grab their foot.

[Harry]

That looks a little harder.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. But it's you. There's probably only, like. There's probably certain elements that you have to hit. I know. Like a floor routine of gymnastics. It's like, this part has to be a flip across the middle, and this part has to be like a little sass. Shaking ass.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

They are always sassy.

[Harry]

Oh, big time.

[Dave Portnoy]

It'd be fun to be one of the other girls on the team that's just like. Yes.

[Harry]

Do you think that every man that does it is like, what. Do you think the percentage of them are gay?

[Francis]

100.

[Harry]

I don't know, though. And I was wondering, because I was like, I feel like they should say.

[Dave Portnoy]

At Penn State, I wrote. Why?

[Harry]

Because I almost feel like, all right.

[Francis]

He'S from Des Moines, Iowa. He's a top.

[Harry]

And I feel like you should know he's a top. Like, they should say, because if you're not gay, I'm going to give you a couple more points. Not because I'm against the gay people.

[Dave Portnoy]

But impressive to get in.

[Harry]

It's like, okay, like, the gay guy obviously was really good. He was born probably better.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

But he. He should be good. He's supposed to be good.

[Francis]

Wondering how you're gonna park that.

[Harry]

Like, the. The straight guy, like, you know, he's probably not as good, but he's also like, you know, everyone's probably just dogging him at home. All of his friends are like, give this shit up.

[Francis]

Do you know how hard it is to balance figure skating practice with fishing with my dad?

[Harry]

Exactly.

[Francis]

Do you have any idea?

[Dave Portnoy]

I have to watch football on the weekends. Yeah. Do you get it? That's so much less time to train.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Not a big locker room for me.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I don't think it doesn't have to be a big advantage, but I think, you know, maybe just like maybe two points.

[Dave Portnoy]

I think it's like being a, it's like a white defensive back. Exactly.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

We're not built for this was like a little bit cooler to see like Cooper DeJean out there playing.

[Harry]

Exactly.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Harry]

You're like, look, he did it.

[Francis]

It's funny to hear someone justify why that, why gay people are better at figure skating in the same way that some like, risky, half racist people justify why black people are better athletes.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

Linking it back to like slavery. Well, a lot of people don't know this, but when you stretch your asshole, the aerodynamics of the spin actually propels you faster.

[Dave Portnoy]

I feel like if I was hardcock sliced through there.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I don't know, maybe I've said enough, I've said enough on the topic.

[Francis]

I, I, I, trust me, I added a flourish there that I don't think will get you in any trouble.

[Dave Portnoy]

I think you're good, dude. I think that there's something to it.

[Harry]

I don't even think. I'm not even meaning it in like a homophobic way at all.

[Francis]

Well, that's how it came off.

[Harry]

No, I think it's honestly like it's it. I think of it more as like a handicap in golf.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, that's not, not that kind of straight handicaping.

[Harry]

Straight guys, I think they need a little bit of a, of a, of a boost.

[Francis]

Right, Right.

[Harry]

Just say like, hey, we know you don't want to wear the bedazzled, you know, jumpsuit. Like it's probably pretty awkward for you out there in that at the biggest moment of your entire career, a single body. We're gonna give you a couple extra points for that for keeping your head down and following the rules.

[Dave Portnoy]

Like he wants to go out there and like, cart hard. Yeah, like he wants to go out there and like, work. Work where? His favorite team package, Cigarettes.

[Francis]

Hats rolled up in the T shirt, Eagles jersey.

[Dave Portnoy]

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[Francis]

Look, it's no secret that my dating life has been an absolute disaster. Every night when I'm sucking down a pint of ice cream instead of making out with some beautiful woman I actually care about, I think to myself, how do I get back on track? Why am I in such a bad spot? Or at least that's how I felt until I found the lead. The League is a dating app that presents you with actually nice and quality people who are gonna be great for you to meet. And the people that I've met on the league, I've actually enjoyed talking to and getting to know. And they eat ice cream as well. And we like the same flavors. And, you know, we have a lot more in common because it's actually intentional. Right? I'm at a point in my life where I'm tired. I'm just endlessly scrolling through dating apps without any sense that these are real human beings. You know, it feels like trading cards or whatever. And instead, the league has now presented me with a limited number of people that they have curated for me, and they think I have a high likelihood of bonding with, of getting to know, of having a successful relationship with. I'm a big fan of the league, and league has been a huge step forward for me in my dating life. This isn't about exclusivity. It's about efficiency and quality. That's what their goal is on the app, in a way that respects your time and your standards. Join me on the league, download the app and apply today.

[Harry]

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[Dave Portnoy]

When I was at Penn State, I wrote about. I spent a semester. I was on the newspaper. So one of the semesters you had an assignment and I was like the men's gymnastics writer. And so I was at every single men's gymnastics practice. It was, it was amazing. They were the most jacked and most athletic easily maybe on campus, but I'd say like 75 of them were gay. Yeah, just like super gay. But it was more impressive. You like, see a guy that's just like. Yeah, not gay at all. It's just like. Yeah, that's so you. You conquered something that these guys were born into.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

There's probably a lot of dudes that, yeah. Want to go into gymnastics and they get, they're, they're scared.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

We're here to tell them that you're not alone.

[Francis]

They're too afraid to admit that they like.

[Harry]

Yeah, exactly. It's a very.

[Dave Portnoy]

Like there were closeted straight guys on the team too.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

If you tell anybody I'm straight, I'll lose my spot in the lineup. Don't say a thing.

[Harry]

Hey, guys.

[Francis]

He hasn't looked at me once. Starting to think he's not for real.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's fucking straight. Fucking weird.

[Francis]

I wanted to say that it's been, I think, what, about a month now, and you guys still haven't worn your sweaters once.

[Harry]

Dude, that's so weird that you bring that up. I literally had mine this morning, and I was like, maybe I'll wear this today.

[Francis]

And you didn't.

[Harry]

It was too warm. I put it on. It was too warm?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Too warm compared to that fur thing you got on.

[Dave Portnoy]

Literally, you're saying the weather was too warm, though?

[Harry]

The sweater, it's very warm. Like, I gotta wear it on, like, a really cold day.

[Francis]

Well, we're through those.

[Harry]

Well, I mean, it's the middle of February. I think we've probably got more on the way.

[Francis]

I don't know, man. We had our cold spell. You had your chance to wear your rat sweater.

[Harry]

So.

[Dave Portnoy]

I like my mollusk sweater.

[Harry]

I also have worn mine, just not on the pause.

[Francis]

I saw Roan's listed on Poshmark new with tags. Brand new rat sweaters straight from New Zealand.

[Dave Portnoy]

Authentic New Zealand rats.

[Francis]

Yeah. 100 merino rat.

[Dave Portnoy]

Imagine I said I was a rat selling it. I was like, this is from my personal collection straight off my back.

[Harry]

Just.

[Dave Portnoy]

It didn't go with the silhouette of pants that I have. I just got to wear a better suit.

[Harry]

You don't want yours? I'll take it.

[Dave Portnoy]

What do you mean? I want.

[Harry]

No, because you're gonna keep on.

[Dave Portnoy]

You know, you lied about taking home the Louis CK Book. I still want to desk. No desk. What are you talking. Should I go down and get it right now?

[Harry]

No.

[Dave Portnoy]

Do you want me to get it?

[Harry]

It's crazy.

[Francis]

I don't even care about the Louis book. I'm on to the sweaters. I think what we should do is. I'll wear both of them. Fit everybody on the bush team in sweaters. Rat sweaters.

[Harry]

They would love that.

[Francis]

And I'm wearing mine right now. This is my rat. This? Well, yeah, this is my rat sweater. I put mine on today. I was like, maybe there's a chance that they'll both wear theirs.

[Harry]

You definitely got the nicest one, though. Let's be real.

[Francis]

What do you mean?

[Harry]

That one's really nice.

[Francis]

Well, yours are. Yours were just as expensive.

[Harry]

Yeah, but you got, like, the pattern.

[Francis]

What do you. Do you want this one?

[Harry]

No, I like mine. Mine's good.

[Dave Portnoy]

I like mine, too.

[Francis]

But I think.

[Harry]

Why do you never wear it?

[Dave Portnoy]

I think you look good in that one.

[Harry]

Why do you never wear yours?

[Dave Portnoy]

I wear it. I just. When waiting for the white. Right Silhouette of pants.

[Harry]

It's fucked up. That's fucked up.

[Francis]

I'll trade you my Sweater for Mad 48 text messages. You have to respond immediately.

[Dave Portnoy]

Make him a counter.

[Harry]

Now. I just really. I want Roan to wear his.

[Dave Portnoy]

He said no.

[Francis]

Can't even do it. I'll give you the 48 for free.

[Harry]

I'll give you 48 for free.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, right?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Over the period of five years.

[Francis]

Yeah, we'll see. We'll see about that.

[Dave Portnoy]

And they have to be. You text first.

[Francis]

All right.

[Dave Portnoy]

Not like the 19 minute phone call I had with him yesterday. Oh, that he initiated.

[Francis]

Damn, that's good to hear.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, I don't want to make you jealous, but.

[Francis]

No, that's okay. How'd that go? Is everything okay?

[Harry]

Yeah, everything's great.

[Dave Portnoy]

He just wanted to chop it up.

[Harry]

No, no, I was asking him a question. About work.

[Francis]

Yeah, well, about work.

[Harry]

Bullshit.

[Dave Portnoy]

It was basically a meeting. Honestly, it was a meeting.

[Francis]

Who the.

[Harry]

Like, I classify that as a meeting.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Like when I get off the phone, I'm like, yeah, I was at a meeting. I'd wrapped up.

[Francis]

Oh, nice.

[Dave Portnoy]

I could tell that you were treating it like a meeting. You guys want to have a meeting after this?

[Francis]

I could sit down.

[Dave Portnoy]

I wouldn't mind, like just breaking bread.

[Harry]

Having some oatmeal talk, logistics and whatnot.

[Francis]

Yeah, I could do.

[Dave Portnoy]

I just finished my oatmeal. I've been having them in. In cups.

[Francis]

Wow, that's unfortunate.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's kind of nice, honestly. I like the way, the way it cooks in a tube like that. As opposed to a bowl.

[Francis]

Yeah. I like to bowl, though. Bowling for Columbine.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, you do? Bowling for soup.

[Francis]

Yeah. Bolster.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

What the.

[Harry]

That's an insane reference.

[Francis]

I'm in the zone, bro. I'm in the zone. Oh, bowl.

[Harry]

Bowling for Columbine.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. I could never bring myself to watch it, so I only watched it.

[Harry]

I haven't watched it either. I've only know the references. I just know the scene from the office where him and Michael Scott and Dwight have the trench coats on and he's like, I got it after I watch Bowling and Columbine. Really dark movie.

[Francis]

Yeah, it's tough. It's a tough one. Damn.

[Dave Portnoy]

It was a big deal. It was a big deal for us back in the day.

[Harry]

Oh, of course.

[Francis]

I remember. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

I know you think everybody built born before 1995 was a slave, but that's not the truth.

[Harry]

I didn't think that.

[Dave Portnoy]

You said it. You said it on our 19 minute phone call that we had yesterday.

[Harry]

I Remember it like it was yesterday also, wasn't it? 99, dumbass.

[Dave Portnoy]

I said everyone born before 95. Oh, come on, bro. Fucking unbelievable.

[Harry]

You guys been gaming at all?

[Francis]

No, but somebody I don't know. No. Gaming? No.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

No, I want to.

[Harry]

You should. We got a whole crew. Like there's a bunch of people from the office playing.

[Francis]

Oh, that's cool.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Who?

[Harry]

Zach, Jerry.

[Dave Portnoy]

So people on the Bush already? So the people.

[Harry]

You do the video game content with Nikki Numbers. SPIDER PLAYS TYLER PLAYS I'd like to.

[Francis]

Meet this Nicky Numbers character.

[Harry]

You'd love him.

[Francis]

Yeah, I think I would.

[Dave Portnoy]

We should have him on the podcast. He's in Jersey, right?

[Harry]

Yeah, but we probably have to get like his. We'd rather. I have to like block out his face and his identity. Jerry's very protective over Numbers.

[Francis]

Why? I don't know. He brought him in though.

[Harry]

I know.

[Francis]

And he was on camera, but he's keeping him out. Dude, I saw that you guys dropped a new episode of behind the Bush and I have not started it yet, but it's in my queue.

[Harry]

Hell yeah.

[Francis]

I love what you guys are doing.

[Harry]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[Francis]

So sick.

[Harry]

I appreciate that.

[Dave Portnoy]

Not me.

[Harry]

No, not Roan. That's what our phone call was about.

[Dave Portnoy]

He was reproof.

[Harry]

I was like, can you please just like, just say that you like it? And he was like, I hate it.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, I'm not doing that. What else?

[Harry]

Put out a public statement saying you enjoy it.

[Dave Portnoy]

What else is in your YouTube queue, Francis?

[Francis]

Well, I'm trying to think. I was watching some nonsense today.

[Harry]

What?

[Francis]

Sir Alex Ferguson described the four players he considered to be world class in his biography or his autobiography. That's not distinguish those two anymore these days. And he named Paul Scholes, Cristiano Ronaldo, Eric Benz, Benzema Bentina, Cantona. Eric Cantona, the French guy, and then Ryan Giggs. And that's over his 26 year reign at United. And he didn't name Rooney or Beckham or a number of players who I'm sure felt slighted. And then he defended it on a live interview.

[Harry]

This was all on the tube.

[Francis]

That was what I was watching this morning.

[Harry]

Fuck yeah. YouTube's the best. It's hard to go wrong.

[Francis]

It is.

[Dave Portnoy]

Let me find out. You're up early watching footy though.

[Francis]

Oh, I had a tough night of sleep. I did. I Woke up at 2:30. Oh, that's a tough time to wake up.

[Harry]

That's the worst time to wake up, that is. Check the. You check the clock.

[Francis]

I walked out of My room because I don't have. I don't have clocks in my bedroom or my phone. And I woke and I saw some light coming in through my curtains. So I was like, oh, maybe it's. Maybe it's six.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And it's just. It's just that I live in New York City and it's bright all fucking night. So I walked out and I saw 2:30 and I was like, oh, yeah, there's so much time before tomorrow.

[Dave Portnoy]

What was the light?

[Harry]

I like, this is making. It's like honestly, like it's. It's hard even thinking about it.

[Francis]

Well, the thing.

[Harry]

The worst feeling in the world.

[Francis]

The worst. The part that was really bad too was that I said to my. I went to bed early. I went to bed, had lights out. 10:30.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Haven't done that in a while.

[Harry]

So you already had gotten a good amount of sleep.

[Francis]

And I took two sleep gummies of some kind.

[Harry]

Were they the Ollie ones?

[Francis]

I don't know what they were. Someone gave them to me and said, you need to try these. And I took them the night before and I slept 9 hours and 54 minutes with a 88 or no, a 93 sleep score.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And then today, say, you know what? None of this matters. I'm gonna shut up. I'm trying to get more aware of when what I'm saying means nothing.

[Harry]

I was. I'm. I'm sitting here watching.

[Francis]

I hit my limits.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's crazy.

[Harry]

That's insane.

[Francis]

I'm listening. We're listening to the story.

[Dave Portnoy]

We wrapped attention right now.

[Francis]

It's like I'm wearing a dog bark collar and I can feel that this is the tone. And soon it's gonna be the shock.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

What?

[Harry]

That's crazy.

[Francis]

We're done. We're done. None of us have anything to say.

[Dave Portnoy]

We need this.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

We need.

[Harry]

I was fully engaged in that. That story.

[Francis]

Who cares? Gaming.

[Harry]

I was fully engaged.

[Francis]

Bring back the game.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

No, no.

[Harry]

This was a great topic.

[Francis]

No, it wasn't.

[Harry]

Yes, it is.

[Francis]

People hate talk. And I'm aware of it and I'm trying to be better.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's the one. You're going through the winter time. I'm going through the winter time too. It's just the winter time. I feel the same.

[Harry]

You got to continue that story. There's no way you're ending that story there.

[Francis]

That's. I could say it. I could hear insane the comments popping up in my brain. Like sometimes in France's G gets going, man. I have to switch to a different podcast. Like he you know, I, like, I'm a Francis defender. But I'll tell you what, man, I can't stand when he talks about sleeping.

[Dave Portnoy]

He can't sleep, but it's putting me to.

[Francis]

Yeah, exactly.

[Harry]

No, I. I do want to hear the rest of that though.

[Francis]

So, you know, I guess the rest of it is that I just try not to look at screens. But sometimes, like at 2:30 in the morning, my eyes are so tired that I don't. I can't read.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And I'm like, the only thing that will make me feel at peace right now is to look at Facebook Marketplace.

[Harry]

Oh, no.

[Francis]

So at 2:30 when Facebook Marketplace. From 2:30 to 6:30. And then I fell back asleep till 8.

[Dave Portnoy]

Did you get to the bottom of it? You must have finished Facebook Marketplace. Four hours.

[Francis]

You should see what it was feeding me, dude.

[Dave Portnoy]

What.

[Francis]

I mean, it was like, do it yourself hair clippers. I was into bedside tables. Ben, that's always up there. But Jacques Marie Mage sunglasses.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, I know Jacques Marie.

[Francis]

Those are some nice expensive sunglasses.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's what you're doing with my glasses guy up in Boston.

[Francis]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

He'll change your life.

[Francis]

I would like that.

[Dave Portnoy]

So my optical.

[Francis]

Wait a minute, is that on?

[Dave Portnoy]

Is that Newbury?

[Francis]

Yeah, dude, I've been there, dude.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's one of my.

[Harry]

Do I feel like we've talked about this before?

[Francis]

I bought a pair of JMM's there when I was there for Laugh Boston.

[Dave Portnoy]

Who sold. Who sold them to you?

[Harry]

A woman.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, okay. Okay, wait.

[Francis]

I have a receipt. Let me just make sure that's the store.

[Dave Portnoy]

It wasn't Perseus or Christos.

[Francis]

Whoa, cool names.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Francis]

Sure you're not talking about Greek mythology?

[Dave Portnoy]

That's what I'm saying, bro. Perseus and Christos.

[Francis]

Okay, hold on.

[Harry]

The. When you. When I wake up early like that, like in the middle of the night, like when you're. When you were up at. Like you said you fell asleep at 6:30. When you're up at like 5:30, are you like, I'm just up for the day and you're like, I feel good?

[Francis]

No, I woke up so early.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

That I was like, there. There's no way that I won't fall back asleep.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Often I wake up at four and that's sort of the. The tipping point where I could go either way.

[Harry]

I could either sense.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why. What are you.

[Harry]

I just have that exact same thing happen. Like every time that happens to me. I wake up and then I go on my Phone for like two hours and then I fall back asleep.

[Dave Portnoy]

For me, if I wake up my say my kids crying in the other room and I like check the clock and it's like 3:30. I'm like, yes.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah. Because you get to sleep.

[Dave Portnoy]

I just get to Islam down for three more hours of sleep. That's like.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's amazing to find out that it's that early.

[Harry]

I kind of just like to get it over with, though.

[Francis]

I got bad news, Roan. It's Yosemite Eyewear.

[Harry]

Bleep it out.

[Francis]

Well, they're the official retailer of JFM in Boston, but I don't think I.

[Dave Portnoy]

Got some Dita frames from up there.

[Francis]

That's cool. I bought those when I was doing the show with Willie cologne because I wanted him to like me more. And black people love those. Yeah, they're big on those.

[Harry]

I'm never buying a pair of nice sunglasses again. It's fully over.

[Dave Portnoy]

You'll be back.

[Harry]

I'm a sun clouds man.

[Francis]

Oh my God. Dude, did I. Speaking of that, my mom loves Maui Jims.

[Harry]

Of course, who doesn't?

[Francis]

And she dropped a pair off the dock at our camp up in on Lake happens. Huron. I always get this wrong and people get on me, so I'm gonna stop this story too. No, I think it's like Huron. It might. It might. I can never.

[Harry]

James. Anyway, can we say Maui Jim's has to be the best name for sunglasses.

[Francis]

They're great.

[Harry]

Ever.

[Francis]

Yeah, they're great. She dropped them and they were off the dock and at that spot. The lake was, I think 16ft deep. Deep. And I tried diving for them for her. Yeah, you talk. You get down into the kelp and of the. Of the lake bed.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

That is dark. That is murky.

[Dave Portnoy]

How deep.

[Francis]

Find things out about yourself in that. In that.

[Harry]

You learn a lot about yourself at 16ft under.

[Francis]

Feeling around, you can't really see. You know, I didn't have a headlamp. I wasn't spelunking. So yeah, I was just feeling around and I could tell that I was now stirring it up and probably covering the J, the J, the MJ's. So the gems.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, the James is.

[Francis]

Never got them back.

[Harry]

Once those things hit the water, they're.

[Francis]

Gone forever, pretty much.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, I think. Well, I think if you're in the ocean, those are retrieval depends on what ocean.

[Harry]

But I remember being on a dock and just watching them fall right off my head, right in. And just like the second they hit the water, gone.

[Francis]

Dude, there's a guy on YouTube. This is a good one. Who dives for watches that people have dropped.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Yeah.

[Francis]

In. In areas like that. And when he gets back for them, they're always so grateful.

[Harry]

Really?

[Francis]

Yeah. What do you think the right tip is if you, if you, if you, like had a paddock fall off your wrist?

[Harry]

Paddock?

[Francis]

Like a.

[Dave Portnoy]

A grand.

[Francis]

Like a Aquanaut. 47, 60. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Someone dives down, you have to go a grand.

[Harry]

I mean, I guess it depends. Like, are they bringing gear? Like, do they have, like.

[Francis]

They have to scuba dive?

[Harry]

It might be more.

[Francis]

I have to scuba dive for.

[Harry]

It might be more. I mean, how much does a watch like that cost?

[Francis]

Retails 27,000. But that's if you know a guy and you know a guy well.

[Harry]

So what would like the average person pay?

[Francis]

Probably gray mate market. We're talking north of 60 grand.

[Harry]

I think 5k.

[Francis]

Really?

[Harry]

You want to get a new watch.

[Francis]

Spot on.

[Harry]

That's how I would say. I'd be like, all right, it's going back down.

[Francis]

Yeah. Oh, you mean this?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, you get it.

[Harry]

You got another guy with a scuba suit and an oxygen tank out here so you can find one.

[Francis]

Yeah. Here in the Ozarks. Question. What position in football do you think is the most likely to get injured? And I'm talking like season ending injury. I was wondering this and I wanted to ask you boys, since, you know.

[Harry]

Ball, I think it's got to be QB is an easy one.

[Francis]

More than O lineman.

[Harry]

The O I'm in one's weird because those guys get hurt so much, but I feel like it's because they're fucking massive and they're also like fall over.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're the biggest, toughest guys. So they're like, I'll fucking play through it, sure.

[Francis]

But I'm talking, you know, you can't come back from a torn acl, right? So, yeah, those guys, I feel like.

[Dave Portnoy]

D linemen are always popping their shit.

[Francis]

D lineman more than O lineman.

[Dave Portnoy]

I think so. I don't know because they were kind of running forward. I feel like you pop the shit when you're at it, but I could.

[Harry]

Be like, they're on that. Like they're there.

[Dave Portnoy]

That rocker foot, that three point stance.

[Harry]

That three point stance where it's like they're coming off that back leg.

[Francis]

The reason I went into this question is because I went down an Adrian Peterson 2012 rabbit hole as well. MVP season. Just breaking off.

[Dave Portnoy]

He was incredible.

[Francis]

23 yards.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's the year that he went for like 296 in a game.

[Francis]

It was really close to the record he went for.

[Dave Portnoy]

Was it. It wasn't the last that he went 296.

[Francis]

No, it wasn't. But you can watch that game and it's just like, like insane. His yards after contact that season, you needed three or four guys to bring him down. And James Andrews performed the surgery on his ACL and said, allegedly said that he had never seen a finer human specimen than Adrian Peterson.

[Dave Portnoy]

Well, I've never seen such a, never.

[Francis]

Seen a body like it. He's a cartoon character.

[Harry]

He goes to fix the ACL and there's like a second acl.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

What a fine specimen this boy is.

[Harry]

Oh, you have a backup ACL.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Just like a guitar string of ACLs. Like shark teeth.

[Francis]

But I, I remember watching it, this video and thinking, you know, Adrian Pearson was carrying the hell out of the ball that season. And this was after tearing his ACL and coming back from it and getting hammered, you know, going up the gut. And why is it that running backs aren't. Aren't. Why are they not more likely to get injured? They don't seem to be. The position.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's the most injured reserve position players per year is running backs by a pretty high margin.

[Francis]

Well then I am a fucking retard.

[Harry]

I would honestly wouldn't have thought that you nailed it.

[Dave Portnoy]

You're right.

[Francis]

I don't. They are, they are the most injured.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Francis]

So then I was wondering about that. Yeah, I was wondering why that's not the case. I don't understand how Tiki Barber had the career he did. I don't, I don't know.

[Dave Portnoy]

Or like Frank Gore played like 20 years.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Like Emmett Smith was able to run for like 18,000 yards. Like how do you just keep on going out there and just doing that again?

[Francis]

Yeah, you, you, you, you're kind of going through the line and getting banged around and then you, if you're lucky to get through that, you get to the second level and there's a D back who's teeing you up, teeing you up. And they're smaller, so they're going for your legs.

[Dave Portnoy]

Probably five, nine. Barry Sanders was five, eight.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Imagine being like a Dave Portnoy size running back.

[Francis]

Sure.

[Harry]

But I mean, but they're monsters.

[Dave Portnoy]

Emma Smith was not a monster, bro.

[Harry]

There's their legs are like five of my legs.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's true.

[Harry]

Is one of their legs.

[Francis]

That's right.

[Dave Portnoy]

Some good ass legs.

[Harry]

That's their quads are literally like this big.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

They've never even put Emmett Smith Highlights out, out. Like, I feel like I've never even like watched. Like they'll put a Barry Sanders highlight tape out every week, but there's no love for him.

[Harry]

Yeah, but they're always good there.

[Dave Portnoy]

I know. That's what I mean. Like, when did Emmett Smith get his. Was it like the 100 point game by Will Chamberlain? Like, when did Emmett Smith get the 18000 yards?

[Harry]

I don't know. I feel like I've watched some of them. Like some of his old stuff.

[Francis]

Well, the Cowboys, America's team doc was good.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Maybe that's what it was.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Smith out there. If he had a hyphenated last name, he probably would have had 28,000 yards. Smith.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

EMT. Smith and Jigba.

[Francis]

EMT. Smith and Wesson. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

That be legendary. A real life cowboy.

[Francis]

Oh, man. Just need to text large and I.

[Dave Portnoy]

Watched a guy on a. At a really nice hotel. Like he was on a paddle board and his watch fell off and he just made one of the guys that like, like pulled the beach chairs out go dive for it.

[Harry]

Did he get it?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, he did, but he didn't like make him any promise of numbers. He was just like, I think it's in this area. Like just a rich Australian guy.

[Harry]

I feel like that I just wouldn't wear a nice watch on something that it's going to fall off.

[Dave Portnoy]

What do you mean? That's what nice watch guys. Like, that's like one of the main things on nice watches that it's like up to like 40,000ft. You could take this, like that's one of the specs of the watches that they can withstand that kind of stuff.

[Francis]

I keep my nice watches on so that I don't lose them.

[Harry]

Yeah, that is true.

[Francis]

Minute you take it off at the beach, say goodbye, shit's gone.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's why Takashi69 would wear six watches at once.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

So he wouldn't lose. That's the smartest way to do it.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Utmost respect to Takashi.

[Harry]

You end up in a friends and neighbors situation.

[Dave Portnoy]

And I think that the best sunglasses name.

[Francis]

Sorry.

[Dave Portnoy]

Neighbors and Friends.

[Harry]

Neighbors and Friends.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. The John Ham show or maybe. Yeah, yeah, the John Ham Show. Yeah, you're right. You're definitely.

[Francis]

I thought that was like Tekashi's album or something.

[Dave Portnoy]

No.

[Harry]

Have you never watched it?

[Francis]

That show, Friends and Neighbors.

[Harry]

You would love it.

[Francis]

I don't like anything anymore.

[Dave Portnoy]

You would really like it. It's like, it's like a guy who has like a super rich life and he just, like, goes bad.

[Francis]

I've heard this.

[Harry]

It's ham. You don't like ham?

[Francis]

I like him. Him's a little over overdone.

[Dave Portnoy]

What about on Christmas?

[Francis]

He's put out some bad work, but.

[Harry]

He put out Mad Men.

[Francis]

Okay. You love Mad Men. I watched the first season and couldn't keep going.

[Harry]

You keep going. I don't know what else to say. Keep going. The first two seasons are like, whatever. They're good, but they're not crazy. Once you get into the later seasons, you're like, holy fuck.

[Francis]

Blame society. Because you can't get me to watch 2 earn it seasons to get to the good stuff. Two full seasons of television, and I certainly can't begin in season three. I'd have no idea what was going on.

[Harry]

You probably could hop in pretty easily. Maybe it would make you just looked up the characters better.

[Francis]

Not gonna do it.

[Dave Portnoy]

Do it.

[Francis]

The show deserves a full watch.

[Harry]

But you're saying you're not gonna give it a full watch. I'll be honest. I really think you could hop around on that show. Like, there was a season that I wanted. I was like, I wanted to skip it because one of my friends told me it wasn't good, and I didn't. But I definitely could have.

[Francis]

People say that about season two of the Wire, but frankly, I. I liked it.

[Dave Portnoy]

Is that the one about the white boys at the docks?

[Francis]

The docks?

[Harry]

I gotta watch the Wire. Oh, that's one that I watched the first episode, and they pulled out a fax machine, and I was like, I'm out. I was like, I'm not watching this.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, so they're slaves. This is from before 1995.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's brutal.

[Francis]

My parents love the Wire, but they admit that they watch it with subtitles on, which is like, quietly a very racist thing.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, some character is like, Snoop. Like, you don't know what the she's saying. Yeah, she's just, like, talking, especially with the Baltimore accent. That's a nasty one. But that is funny.

[Harry]

I've never. I've never gotten into it.

[Francis]

The.

[Harry]

The two. Three shows that I haven't watched that I need to watch are Sopranos, that the Wire. And then I also haven't watched. I haven't seen Entourage either, which I want to watch.

[Francis]

I don't know how Entourage might hold up. I really don't know if that will hold up.

[Harry]

I tried to watch the first episode of that, and it was pretty dated.

[Francis]

Well, season two was the best season of that show, but we watched it at the Right time.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Back when we all thought if we get famous or one of us gets famous, then sexual harassment doesn't exist.

[Dave Portnoy]

Okay. I thought you were going a different way.

[Francis]

Just doesn't exist.

[Dave Portnoy]

I thought you were saying you could bring your entourage.

[Francis]

Sure. And the rules don't apply to them either. Do anything you want.

[Dave Portnoy]

You're saying that you could just. Yeah.

[Francis]

Then Jeremy Piven found out the hard way.

[Harry]

It does.

[Francis]

It exists.

[Harry]

Turns out the rules still apply.

[Francis]

Yeah, he does.

[Dave Portnoy]

The funniest part of that show is his relationship with Lloyd is.

[Francis]

Yeah, exactly.

[Dave Portnoy]

You couldn't do any of that anymore.

[Francis]

He was the star of the show.

[Dave Portnoy]

And he was so homophobic. And it was an Asian gay guy, so he was like. It was like the golden age for homophobia and Asian hate.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Did you see that Frank Goes back?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yes.

[Francis]

When they let him out of the.

[Harry]

Oh, James Franco.

[Francis]

Franco.

[Harry]

Oh, no, I didn't see it. What was he in?

[Francis]

He's in this show on Netflix that apparently I've heard is pretty decent. It's a date. 112863 or something like that.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, yeah. Is it. What is it about if, like, the something different happened with the atomic bomb.

[Harry]

Or something is another one.

[Francis]

Oh, am I way off on this? And that's been out for a while. Oh, fuck me.

[Harry]

Franco's been back and we're just finding.

[Dave Portnoy]

Out he was on a David Dobrik video stream or something like that. And it was like, I'm going. He, like, sat down in, like, this kid's bed and, like, he woke the dude up and was like, name five of my movies and I'll give you $5,000. And the guy just couldn't do it for Franco. For Franco, he couldn't name.

[Harry]

I don't know.

[Francis]

I could do it. I could do it.

[Dave Portnoy]

You can't name sequels, though.

[Francis]

Milk, Spider Man, 127 hours.

[Harry]

Good poll.

[Francis]

I can do this.

[Dave Portnoy]

Come on. $5,000. There's a time on it, too.

[Francis]

You guys talk, I'm gonna think, oh.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, that's not how it worked in the David Dobrik video.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Oh, Dobrik ain't back. Either is Dobrik.

[Harry]

Yeah. I didn't know Dobrik.

[Dave Portnoy]

And they're linking up together, bro.

[Harry]

That's crazy.

[Dave Portnoy]

This is the bad boys. He said, bring them back.

[Harry]

Honestly.

[Dave Portnoy]

He said, cancel me if you can.

[Harry]

Yeah, bring them back.

[Francis]

Well, everyone knows that two cancels equal to a positive.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, because I can.

[Francis]

Yeah, see, you can't.

[Dave Portnoy]

You can't.

[Francis]

I got. I'll find two More?

[Dave Portnoy]

No, but that's how it was. I think they reduced it to 1000 if you. I got just one more. Huh?

[Harry]

I think I could do it, but I don't know if I could do it without naming.

[Dave Portnoy]

Okay, go.

[Harry]

Well, I don't want to. I don't want to stomp on Francis's.

[Francis]

Wait, give me one more. Oh, Pineapple Express. And then this is the end.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

Easy.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Good work, good work. Be proud.

[Harry]

Oh, no, he's not in knocked up.

[Francis]

No.

[Dave Portnoy]

What if you just got woken up though? Do you think you could do it first thing in the morning if you were?

[Francis]

Depends on if it's 2:30.

[Dave Portnoy]

2:30? You'd probably be so sharp.

[Francis]

My real wake up time. When I'm ready to take on the world.

[Harry]

Yeah, I feel like I would be better at it. That like, right, Right out of bed.

[Francis]

Dude, I'm telling you, at 2:30 in the morning, I'm sending out like lowball offers for on Facebook Marketplace that I will never buy if a gun were in my mouth. You're just with people I don't even know. Like, let's just take a look. Like I currently have. All right, let's just take a look. What did I put out? Offers on end tables.

[Dave Portnoy]

You're lowballing people on end tables.

[Francis]

Oh, here's cool. This is a good one. I found a Ironheart deer skin leather western shirt. The big buck is what it's called.

[Harry]

Hell yeah.

[Francis]

Size large. No idea if it would fit new with tags, black size L. And I said, hey, what did I say to him? I go, hi, this is awesome. Any chance you can come to Brooklyn with a shirt?

[Dave Portnoy]

He could send you the shirt. It's not like a.

[Francis]

And he goes, well, I could ship it. And I was like, is it really made of deer hide? And do you know if they. If it runs big or true to size? Fifteen hundred dollars. I'm not buying a shirt for 1500 bucks.

[Harry]

Yeah, don't. Definitely don't.

[Francis]

And then he sent a picture of it on him.

[Harry]

Oh, that's weird.

[Francis]

But he cropped. That is only his mouth down.

[Harry]

You gotta drop the whole head.

[Francis]

I'm like, hey, dude, can you remove the shirt and send that again?

[Dave Portnoy]

I see it on the floor next to your bed. That's so nuts.

[Francis]

Why.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why did that even catch your eye?

[Francis]

Here's Christine. And this is Christine out in Greenwich. This is the Messina Coops, the champagne coupes from Baccarat. I've been looking for these.

[Harry]

Of course.

[Francis]

Hi, Christine. Would you take 300 cash and she says, is this shipping or meet somewhere? I'm in Greenwich. I said, I guess I could come pick them up. Would you do 250 if I came to you? And she said, my price is firm. I'm happy to meet you halfway. And I never responded.

[Harry]

So that's just the game. That's the game.

[Francis]

Sorry, Christine. Suck my dick. I went back and forth with a lot of people about the frame tv.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah? Why don't you just buy one new.

[Francis]

Why would I do that when I can lead a bunch of people on a wild goose chase?

[Dave Portnoy]

It's the thrill of the hunt for you.

[Francis]

It's the thrill of the hunt. It's the thrill of the dupe.

[Harry]

I gotta get on Facebook. Marketplace.

[Francis]

It's the thrill of the dupe.

[Harry]

Yeah, I think I gotta get on there.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why? I mean, it's like, that's like, why would you fish when that someone could just give you a fish at your table?

[Harry]

It is true.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why would you hunt for elk?

[Harry]

It's all about the process.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

I didn't get it. I didn't get it until now. I think I understand.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's a fisher of men.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's a fisher of deer shirts.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why the would you buy that shirt? Is it sick? Can I at least see it?

[Francis]

The shirt's so sick, dude.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's black.

[Francis]

So sick.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's a black deer skin shirt.

[Francis]

Oh, my God. Look at this awesome shirt. Ready? So you think that's just a normal. Whatever? It's. It's. It's leather.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's the most normal shirt I've ever seen, bro.

[Francis]

Look at that, though. Oh, look at that. That's deer skin inside the inside. It's all deer skin. The whole thing is made from a dead deer.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why wouldn't they make that? That the out, like, make the outside the inside.

[Francis]

That would be cool.

[Dave Portnoy]

Cool shirt.

[Francis]

This is the Sydney Wells special edition. She killed the deer. There were only 15 of these made. That was all the amount she could kill that season. Never been worn. The tag has. Is handwritten.

[Dave Portnoy]

But you just said there's a picture of him wearing it.

[Harry]

Those feel. I'm not going to lie. They feel a little bit scandalous.

[Francis]

No.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

What?

[Harry]

Isn't that like a little controversial?

[Francis]

No. Deer are a pest.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

They're a past.

[Harry]

They're like rodents.

[Dave Portnoy]

You said that so dismissively. They're a scourge.

[Francis]

You ever drive around Montauk? We should be hunting those things with automatic weapons. Grenades. Roll one right into a family crossing the road. Watch the little Bambies just end up on the floor. Hunting with grenades would be crazy awesome.

[Harry]

They should at least use, like, flashbangs and stuns. Yeah. Fuck them up a little bit.

[Francis]

You can walk right up to them right ahead.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's, like, I think the most humane way to do it.

[Francis]

Confuse and murder.

[Harry]

Yeah, exactly.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Super bright. And then you're dead.

[Dave Portnoy]

Couldn't you just pull up, like, with a flashlight on a deer and just, like, freeze their ass? Yeah, in the headlight.

[Harry]

Deer in a flashlight.

[Dave Portnoy]

But no, no. Last thing before we get out of here. Oh, the best. The best sunglasses name is. Is Ray Bans. Because, like, Ray Charles. But also they banned the race. But Ray Charles wore sunglasses. Yeah, but also they banned the rays of the sun.

[Francis]

That is not how that came to be.

[Dave Portnoy]

That has to be.

[Francis]

There's no way. What?

[Dave Portnoy]

You don't think that they.

[Francis]

Ray Ban.

[Dave Portnoy]

They banned the race of the sun. You don't think.

[Harry]

That at all.

[Dave Portnoy]

They didn't even come. That didn't come into the thought process.

[Francis]

It's more like there was, like, a. A guy named Ray who kept coming into the store, and they were like, we're never letting him in here again.

[Harry]

Yeah, Ray's band, I think. No, it's definitely Maui Jim.

[Dave Portnoy]

What? No. Right. But you don't think that it had anything to do with them banning the rays of the sun or am I'm reaching?

[Harry]

I think that might be a reach.

[Francis]

No, actually, now that I. Now that you say that, that does make sense.

[Harry]

That's. That is what it is.

[Francis]

Yeah. All right. But you were talking about Ray Charles initially, and.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, that was a stretch, I guess, but I wanted to go to. I want the listings. Maui Jim just seems like a. Just like a guy who lives in Key west and, like, plays Jimmy Buffett songs.

[Harry]

That's who they're for.

[Francis]

They're the sunglasses you wear when you work out outside in Hawaii. Maui Jim Gym.

[Harry]

Costas are definitely the best, but not the best name.

[Francis]

No, no.

[Dave Portnoy]

Jacques Marie Mar. For sure. All right.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Dave Portnoy]

Okay, I'm done now. Oh.

[Francis]

Oh, where am I?

[Dave Portnoy]

Batavia.

[Francis]

Batavia's sold out.

[Dave Portnoy]

I thought about Friday.

[Harry]

Batavia's sold out. And don't ask.

[Francis]

Don't even think about it.

[Dave Portnoy]

Don't buy anything on a secondary site either.

[Francis]

Don't even think about it. Pittsburgh is going fast. You got to come to that. That's next weekend. Punchup Live. Rancid. Zealous. Then it's on to, like, Denver and Houston and. Oh, I wanted to ask you. I'll ask you this privately. Never Mind.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Mind.

[Francis]

I was gonna ask you, like. Never mind. I'm not gonna ask you.

[Dave Portnoy]

I'm not gonna ask you.

[Francis]

Because Mook. Mook is. I asked Harry Grace if he would lend me Connor Mook's services. Yeah. I rented him out to open for me.

[Dave Portnoy]

And what's your fee?

[Harry]

I take 50%.

[Francis]

Yeah. So I was gonna ask you, like, if you tip him or what you give him.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

And so that I don't give too much, which would then make you look bad.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah, Yeah.

[Francis]

I don't want to do that.

[Harry]

No. I mean, I. I need. It's hard to say because I'll. We'll do, like, a bunch of dates, and then I'll just give them a. I'll pay them out.

[Francis]

Sure, sure.

[Harry]

Stuff like that.

[Dave Portnoy]

But it's like when you split the bill, you want to make sure everybody's tipping the same.

[Francis]

Yes, exactly.

[Dave Portnoy]

You don't want to be like, oh.

[Francis]

Well, I don't want Luke coming home from his weekend with me and being like, I never knew how badly I had it with Harry. Francis let me sleep in the bed with him. Are you guys sharing a room or sharing a bed? No, no, we're not. I'm kidding. I don't know where. I mean, I don't know where we're staying, so.

[Harry]

Are you doing Houston improv?

[Francis]

We're doing the punchline in Houston.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah. That's probably. I was gonna say, if you're doing the improv, I know where you're staying. It's not good.

[Francis]

No.

[Harry]

Next to a jack in the box off of a highway.

[Francis]

The punchline's right in the middle of downtown.

[Harry]

Oh, really?

[Francis]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm excited for that. That's Houston, then Denver, then San Francisco. And we also have Minneapolis in there. All this stuff is punch up live. Francis, you got to tell us if.

[Dave Portnoy]

Houston's a walkable city.

[Harry]

It's not.

[Francis]

It certainly isn't.

[Harry]

At least where I was, it was.

[Dave Portnoy]

Right in the center. So it's like maybe there's a nucleus.

[Harry]

Is there, like, an actual, like, every city in Texas outside of Austin that I've been to, everyone's like, yeah, we're here. Here it is. And you're like, I feel like we're in the suburbs right now.

[Francis]

I feel like I'm on the highway.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And then they're like, well, let's go downtown. And then you go downtown, and it's like, there's like a 7 11.

[Francis]

Yeah. The buildings are building, imposing. The blocks are long.

[Harry]

Yeah. Very spread out there's.

[Francis]

No sort of charming bookshop with a cute girl that you're not sure if she's straight.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

No.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, it's mostly girls that you're not.

[Harry]

Sure if they're straight.

[Francis]

They don't have that in Dallas.

[Harry]

I think I've been to Dallas like, 15 times, and I think. I don't think I've ever actually been to Dallas once.

[Francis]

Yeah. Where is Dallas? Does anybody know?

[Harry]

Everyone's like, well, this is actually Alpharetta, but if you go five feet that way, it's Dallas, but then it's Arlington.

[Dave Portnoy]

If you go 10ft.

[Harry]

Yeah, Plano.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Fort Worth.

[Harry]

Fort Worth.

[Francis]

Fort Worth.

[Harry]

Or is it Dallas?

[Francis]

I don't know where. I don't know where that sort of West Village of Dallas would be.

[Harry]

I'd have no clue.

[Francis]

Nobody knows.

[Harry]

No one does.

[Dave Portnoy]

Where's the damn sweet green in Dallas?

[Francis]

Where's the charm? Where's the place where people say, you know what? I'm gonna leave my guns behind?

[Harry]

Leave your AR in the car. Yeah, we're safe here.

[Francis]

We're safe. It's finally safe. Yeah. All right.

[Harry]

Good app.

[Francis]

Good app.

[Harry]

Good app. We will see you guys. Good.

[Francis]

Epstein.

[Harry]

Next week. Goodbye.

[Guest/Additional Speaker]

Close was over? Still, still underground? So I looked older to you? Came? I was only falling one way? I was only falling one way? Days were drifting? You listen? Now I come alive? I was only falling one way? I was only falling one way? I was only falling one way? I was only falling away? That is true, you're right? Did you realize no one could take me alive? I was only falling one way? Sam. Did you realize no one could take me alive?

[Francis]

Sam.