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Francis
Hey, son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. I'm not going back to college to be your friend.
Harry
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Francis
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Harry
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Roan
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Francis
You went cocktail, high end beer, high end wine.
Harry
Yeah, that was an assault bike. We did.
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Roan
Fucked up claps in a row.
Harry
Cool. All righty.
Roan
Welcome back to the Son of a Boy dad podcast. Today it is November or it's Thursday. Today's Thursday. It's the sixth.
Harry
Yeah, the sixth. Yeah, but it was recording out of hq. What, Five?
Roan
Six?
Harry
We're gonna call this hq. Five six.
Roan
This would be six because Chicago.
Harry
All right.
Francis
Is it okay? Yeah. So this is six. Yeah. So can we make this? This has to be regular, right?
Harry
Yeah, we can come up and record here. You guys are welcome here anytime. You know what you. You know what you're getting yourselves into now.
Roan
Are we going to start recording in my place again?
Francis
I Would if you make it a loft? If we can, yeah. Separate. Like, if we stay off the floor, somehow we can avoid the floor.
Roan
That would be nice.
Harry
Harry told us yesterday that he has done put so much work into his gaming and computer setup that he loves it. And yet it has detracted from everything else in the apartment.
Roan
It looks out of place almost.
Harry
Which means that when he turns around in his chair and sees the rest of his home, he is horrified. So he almost faces the wall.
Roan
Exactly that. I don't even sit on the couch anymore. I can't do it.
Francis
It's like one of those cities in India that's, like, separated by a cast system or something like that. And one side is, like, perfectly. There's like a garden around your computer, and the other side's full slum.
Roan
It's like everything at my desk is like, you know, the keyboards. Like, it's perfectly lined. Like, everything's lined up, centered, beautiful. And then you turn around, and it's just trash.
Harry
Yeah.
Francis
And that's what everyone. You should make your computer your background. I wish. It looks so.
Roan
I know, right? I think when I was building it, that's what I was imagining is like, that. That would be a background somehow. But then I was like, no, because I'm facing.
Francis
Well, you're gonna need to make another. The exact same computer setup so that your computer setup can become your background.
Harry
True, true.
Roan
That's like my. That's my spare.
Francis
Yeah. Doing bay.
Roan
That's not a bad idea, Bay, where.
Francis
You can just swivel around like in Star Wars.
Roan
I could do some special things with a gaming setup here.
Harry
Have we. Have our videos come out yet?
Roan
Some of them.
Francis
Some of them. Fishing came out.
Harry
Yeah.
Francis
Shooting came out.
Roan
I have no idea.
Francis
Probably.
Harry
Perhaps shooting came out. Let's talk about shooting.
Francis
Or shooting comes out today. Shooting comes out later on today.
Harry
Yeah. Okay.
Francis
It was awesome.
Harry
It was really cool. Really fun. Check that video out if you can.
Guest Singer
What.
Francis
If you have hands? If you have opposable thumbs. I know a lot of dogs listen to this podcast that don't necessarily have access to computers.
Harry
If you're able and allowed around people.
Francis
Who are listening, check with your parents.
Roan
Before you guys watch this one.
Harry
Yeah, the shooting was really fun.
Francis
Trigger warning on it, for sure.
Harry
And the fishing was fun, but not very fruitful.
Roan
Not as fruitful. Not as like. I mean, it was a blast, but we didn't catch any fish.
Harry
I thought your casting looked good.
Roan
Of course it did. It's a work of art. Shadow casting.
Harry
You were. No, you weren't shadow casting.
Roan
I was shadow casting.
Harry
No, you weren't.
Roan
No, I wasn't.
Francis
You're dreamcasting, but you're.
Harry
It was. All your casts were backhanded.
Roan
I noticed that was just because of where we were.
Harry
Yeah. You were throwing it back into the river with the backhand.
Roan
Yeah, because if I did forward, then.
Harry
You'D end up in the.
Roan
In the trees.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
I was impressed with your casting.
Roan
Yeah. Not bad. Not bad. Definitely lets people know, like, I'm legit. Like, I. I've been doing this.
Francis
It's like dressing like a skater. Of course, it's not like actually knowing how to skate, but you just had. You had the. The gear, right?
Roan
Oh, you don't think that knowing how to cast like that doesn't mean that that's just like. That's a poser.
Francis
You didn't catch any fish? Kind of. It's kind of.
Roan
I didn't catch any fish cuz I was carrying you guys. Like, you were my. Like I was. You guys were my twin children.
Harry
You didn't help me.
Francis
I don't know about having twin children.
Roan
I had to r guys stuff. And then within five minutes, you both come over to me with a bird's nest on top of your rod.
Francis
Because you didn't give us one word like, unta.
Roan
Can you untangle this? I was like, I can't untangle any better than you can untangle. It's not like it's some secret skill that I've developed.
Harry
Here's what's sad. As I said, can we go with a guide? And you said, no, I don't want a guide.
Roan
If we had a guy. If we had a. If we had a guide, we would have definitely caught fish.
Harry
But we thought you were going to be our guide.
Francis
You spent 15.
Roan
I thought you guys were going to have, like, basic mechanics of human movement down. The second we got there, it was like two toddlers around.
Harry
Imagine if we, like, hyped up a trip where I was gonna host you guys and take you guys golfing for weeks, right? And I was like, boys, come golf with me. And then when we got to the golf, I was like, here are your clubs. And then this would be like, here's your golf cart. You two go on this golf cart. And then I was like, I'm gonna play four holes ahead of you.
Roan
No, it would be like if we. If you said that, we were like, yeah, this is gonna be a blast. And then we showed up and, like, Roan's setting up to the tee off at Hole one, and he's got, like, his putter out, and he's holding it by the putter, and he's right.
Harry
And I was like, don't talk to me. I'm playing golf by myself.
Roan
No way.
Harry
I'm not here. I said, you're on your own.
Roan
How long did it take me to set up those rods? 30 minutes.
Harry
Well, you spent 28 on your own, and.
Roan
No, I spent on ours, so, yeah, probably mine exploded.
Francis
You're acting like casting a fly rod is, like, an easy thing to do.
Roan
You figured it out in, like, 45 minutes.
Francis
Yeah, but it was not. No, thanks. You didn't tell me anything about what to do.
Roan
I was trying to. I wasn't telling you how to cast. I was telling you how to catch fish at this specific location, but I wasn't even close.
Francis
You didn't give me the basics. You're like, yeah, I wasn't teaching you how to make contact. I was teaching you how to hit home runs.
Roan
Exactly.
Francis
Yeah.
Roan
Which one would you rather learn?
Francis
Yeah, but you. You can't. You can't hit home runs without making contact.
Roan
I'd rather be hitting home runs.
Francis
You put the cart before the horse, though.
Roan
I was showing you how to use a nymph rig, which is not a traditional way of fly fishing. If we were fishing with just dry flies, it would have been a way different situation.
Francis
I fished, like, three times in my life.
Roan
Yeah, now you fished four.
Francis
You sucked as a guide.
Roan
Yeah, I did. I. I'll admit it. I'll admit it. I would be an awful guy. I was an awful God. And I would. I would be.
Francis
That's why I'm terrible to get.
Roan
But I think it's because I like fly fishing too much to do it. Like, once I set you guys up, I was like, and now I'm gonna go fish. And then you're coming up to me with the nest. You're falling asleep on the river.
Harry
Yeah, well, I realized I was gonna get no help from you, and I just said, I'm not gonna be a problem for him anymore.
Francis
But you resigned yourself.
Harry
I mean, I also got exceptionally tired from Harry's weed.
Roan
No, not mine.
Francis
From that New York City weed. This country weed is not too crazy.
Roan
But that city weed, not even. It's not even a good. It's not even comparable. Francis came out here yesterday with a trash bag full of weed.
Harry
Oh, yeah.
Roan
And you wouldn't store anything like that.
Harry
You're like, let me. Let's. Let's get through my. My Goodwill weed first.
Roan
Usually when someone pulls out weed, they, like, pull it out of their pocket. Francis had to, like, go into a closet and retrieve it.
Harry
Went into a storage closet.
Francis
He put his fingerprint up to the.
Harry
Wall where I have to keep it because the renters don't like the smell of a grow farm. Of the condo there.
Francis
Was that. You were making us smell weed. That was hitting me deep in the back of my throat as soon as I smelled it. It fucking had. It was like a smelling salt.
Harry
Yeah, that's that good stuff. From our boys up in Maine. Can't remember what the name of their dispensary is.
Roan
Hi, 4G.
Harry
Hold on.
Roan
That was one of the names. It was killing me.
Francis
High, 4G.
Roan
High five, 4G.
Harry
I'm gonna find out what this was.
Roan
Ronan and I had a great night. We watched about a minute of Chernobyl. That was fun. I said that all night. Rowan's like, well, no, I gotta watch something I've never seen. Like, he's. He's. He's calling order, calling the shots. He's saying, it's got to be a war move.
Francis
Well, no, that was me.
Roan
That was me.
Francis
That was.
Guest Singer
Me.
Harry
That was me.
Francis
Yeah. You said movies.
Roan
I said.
Francis
I said, that sounds great.
Roan
But then we were. Then we. We landed on Chernobyl. And then.
Francis
No, we watched. We went through a bunch of war movies. You said no to all of them.
Roan
They were trash. Trash options.
Francis
There's not. They weren't all trash.
Roan
They were pretty bad. There was a lot of, like, Jack Reacher. You're like, what war was this? Surely this is in World War II.
Francis
I don't remember Reacher on Basto, but I just wanted it.
Harry
It's Hayden. Hayden hooked it up. Shout out to Hayden, man. Shout out Hayden.
Roan
What about.
Francis
People can't just reach out to Hayden.
Roan
Hayden in Maine.
Harry
Look up for Hayden. Everyone find Hayden out in Maine. I'll find the name of his. I'll find the name of it.
Francis
When you're. When you've. Had. So Francis assaulted our senses with a cocktail, a beer and a wine, which is just. That's all. That's by air, by land and by sea. So he knew he was going to get me fucked up. So I wasn't going to make it through a whole movie. You just want something comfortable.
Roan
But it was like the. Like the.
Harry
Like.
Roan
I think I pressed play and you started snoring immediately.
Harry
Happy Canary.
Roan
When? I said when I.
Harry
Lobster casco.
Roan
Sorry, what was it?
Francis
Sounds like someone's WI Fi password.
Roan
No, I talked over in my accident.
Harry
I'm Sorry. Blue Lobster cast. Go check him out. Hayden, he's our guy. Look for him. Shout out Good weed from Maine.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
You loved it.
Roan
Oh, no, I was just saying, like, shout out that dude.
Francis
No, but you were loving it.
Harry
But you had.
Roan
That's your thing. Go cop his.
Harry
You had them. You had the most.
Francis
Now you were, like, doing the worm after you hit it one time, you hit the weed and you went like. Like a Sprite commercial or something.
Harry
He got really, like, sentimental and honest. We found the version of Harry we've always been seeking.
Francis
He's like, I love being with you guys.
Harry
Do you guys feel like working out right now or.
Francis
Yeah, we're hitting burpees. Rome.
Roan
When you. When I said, should we turn the volume down? You. You were asleep.
Francis
No, I heard that.
Roan
I heard that. No, you were fully. It was like talking to my dad.
Harry
What?
Francis
Yeah, yeah.
Roan
And then Francis comes out. He's like, Harry's freaking out about the volume or something. What?
Francis
I turned down the volume. Yeah, yeah, I turned it down. I was awake.
Roan
And then you made like a half asleep comment to Francis.
Francis
Was I asleep at that point already?
Harry
I was even more dad behavior.
Roan
You guys were both out. He's walking around.
Harry
Yeah. Look, you gotta understand, you're on a different time zone.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
All right. You go to bed at fucking Hawaiian time.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
You live on Hawaiian time.
Roan
Yeah, it was trouble. I was, like, worried last night when I was. When I was departing to go back to my abode. I was like, I'm not gonna be able to fall asleep. I almost had the PlayStation.
Francis
Oh, you brought the PlayStation? We didn't even touch it. Yeah, that's how outside we've been.
Harry
We haven't had any time.
Roan
Yeah, it's all good.
Harry
We've just been fucking grinding fish week.
Francis
How often does that happen? That you bring it on a trip and you don't even get to crack?
Roan
Actually happens more often than you'd think. Most of the time you're there and you're like, this isn't gonna be fun. Playing video games on a hotel 70 inch TV. I should probably just, like, go get food with Mook.
Francis
Yeah, that makes sense. I mean, I feel like we were so outside, we didn't need to do that. I've had so much fun just being around this property. We're touching goats, we're touching dogs, we're touching shotgun shells.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
I should probably wash my hands. Now that I think about it.
Francis
It's crazy. Crazy how goats poop.
Harry
There's a lot of, like, barnyard livestock lice all over my fingers as well. Powder.
Francis
Yeah. We need to check our penises for lice.
Roan
True.
Francis
Yeah. Shooting is so fun. Shooting is sick.
Harry
Shooting.
Francis
Am I a countryman now?
Harry
You were pretty good, but Ron was the best. I don't want to give it away.
Francis
But I. I had good moments. I had bad moments.
Harry
Dude, you were unbelievable.
Roan
Yeah, it was pretty.
Harry
You did it in a way where I was like, what?
Francis
That's just. It was purely beginners.
Harry
Do you have a military background? You come from basic training, right, To.
Roan
I mean, you hit the first clay, didn't you?
Francis
I don't know. I might have hit one of the first couple clays, but I think it was. It was definitely beginner's luck. And the four years that I spent over in Kuwait, of course, Operation Desert Storm that I participated in, that would.
Roan
Have been unreal if you just didn't miss a single clay.
Francis
I like summer.
Harry
Yeah.
Guest Singer
Yeah.
Harry
He wasn't far off.
Roan
You're shooting from the thing above that tower.
Francis
Hitting your guys clays. It's so fun. It's so fun being on this property. I didn't. I thought that you had, like, an apartment upstate.
Harry
You thought I had a. I thought.
Francis
There was an apartment building and you had an apartment or something like that. I didn't realize that we were walking onto big money. Oh, I didn't realize that it was all this, like you do downplay it a little bit. It's so beautiful.
Harry
Well, it's my home. It's where I live full time.
Francis
We're looking at floor to ceiling windows I couldn't touch the top of.
Harry
I haven't told you this yet, but I'm not coming home. I'm staying up here. This is where I live. I won't be coming back to the city ever again.
Francis
Are you this. Was this your recruiting pitch for us to come up here permanently?
Harry
Yeah. I just want you guys to know that if you want me to be part of the pod anymore, you're gonna have to come up here. I'm not coming to the fucking city. And congestion tax, which goes straight to Mom Donnie's magic carpet.
Francis
Yes, that son of a.
Roan
Mom d. To get back to Mom Donnie.
Francis
Honestly, you kind of. You kind of see what he's talking about. You're like, yeah, I actually do need some of their money. I actually am entitled to this. I'm actually entitled to like, 2 extra percent of this.
Roan
Truth.
Francis
If he. I mean, if he got. If he. If Mom Donnie caught wind that this exists, he's fucking pissed.
Roan
Can he. Can he make changes up here, Mom, Donnie.
Harry
Yeah, Mom, Donnie can do whatever he wants.
Francis
Yeah, he probably has a place up here, low key.
Harry
He's. He's plugged in.
Roan
That would be hilarious.
Harry
He knows hitters.
Roan
He's like, I live in Queensland.
Francis
Just gets off a helicopter. Is that how most people get up here, Jobber?
Harry
No, no. Everyone takes the train. Train goes right to the right.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
That's crazy of the place.
Francis
That is so nice. We have such. We've had such good baked goods here. Because the butter is different up here.
Harry
Yeah. I think we need to. I need to. I need to take a fucking sabbatical from the baked goods.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
I don't do well when I eat a lot of bread. I'm not a bread guy.
Francis
We assaulted our.
Roan
I'm like a bread guy. I had a feeling, but I'm not. But I shouldn't because it destroys my stomach.
Francis
Do you ever get grain brain?
Roan
I don't know what that is.
Francis
I mean you could think about it. The cloudy haze that you get into after you have too much pumpernickel. Grain brain.
Harry
Brain. When you start seeing the world in rows of wheat. You know, this be a good place to plant.
Francis
It's brutal. That's Francis. I think that's what was happening to you. You were getting grain brain from so many pastries. Baked goods. Yeah.
Harry
You're not wrong. We had a met. We went to Wilson's yesterday over in Kent and shout out to our guy Andrew. I think we talked about that on Tuesday's episode.
Francis
But yeah, we're shit faced.
Harry
But I'll be honest with you, that was a little bit of a blur.
Francis
Well, we had grain brain out the ass.
Roan
Taco brain.
Francis
Yeah, we had taco brain halfway through. Well, I guess you can't get grain brain if you have. Have the corn tortillas.
Roan
No, no. Were we having corn tortillas? Flour tortilla.
Francis
That's pure grain.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
And then what was the other place we went today? We gotta. We should shout them out too.
Harry
That was the bakery. Oh, the bakery in town. I don't want to draw too many.
Roan
Yeah, as you say, you don't have to.
Harry
Lines of.
Francis
I thought that they were all like drop talk about us on your show. On your big show.
Harry
No, it's more like. Yeah, I don't really. I just. I don't know.
Francis
Yeah, fair enough, fair enough.
Roan
And then we stopped by the post office.
Harry
Of course I get enough because yeah, I get enough DMS of like if I ever see you, it's on site where I'M like, I don't really need to tell people where I am directly.
Francis
Yeah.
Roan
Specific location, expose you up a little.
Francis
Bit too much and then what is it? Tomorrow we have the dart. A dart video coming out.
Harry
Darts are coming out. We had a barn burner with darts match.
Roan
Darts might be one of the better video. It might be top video coming out of the week.
Francis
Yeah, it's great competition now.
Roan
Darts was very fun. Yeah, I like darts a lot.
Harry
Darts is great.
Roan
Makes me want to just get out there and play more.
Francis
The fact that we were outdoors for it, we just got to go on it just. We. We got to go on more trips like this.
Harry
Did you notice, Roan, that we went out and played darts and then when we came back in, Harry kept his shoes on?
Francis
I thought that that was uncouth.
Roan
My shoes are off right now. What are you talking about?
Harry
Yeah, because the cameras are on and.
Francis
They'Re right at your feet right now. It's like you just took them off when you sat down.
Harry
Yeah, you just. You've got your outdoor shoes resting on the rug. So what's the difference between you wearing them and not wearing them really, if.
Francis
You think about it, why don't you just taking them off the rug?
Harry
Why don't you just take them on the couch and just moonwalk with your hands on? Why don't you just feel the couch through your shoe?
Roan
These shoes are flat. They don't get.
Harry
Dirty Harry's been.
Roan
It's not like they're Reeboks.
Francis
There's no wedge for.
Roan
They're not breaking any.
Harry
Dirty Harry has been trying to keep his shoes on inside. But like, you can see how much it pains him because he knows he has to take them off.
Roan
I'm a big. I'm a shoes inside guy.
Harry
I can tell.
Roan
And everywhere I go, everyone's always, am I taking your shoes off?
Francis
Just used to it right now. Those are the easiest to slip off, slip on shoes of all time.
Roan
I like the warmth. These things, they're very like they. They keep all the heat in.
Francis
Those are the lightest shoes possible. They have holes all over them, but.
Roan
They'Re not real holes.
Harry
Taking your shoes off when you go to someone's house is a nice gesture.
Roan
Of course, I do it when I'm asked.
Harry
It ingratiates you to them. People see it as a mark of good sort of behavior.
Roan
I'm aware of the shoe etiquette.
Francis
I think it's also a city. If you're in the city, the dirty city streets. Bringing that inside is Nasty. And then I didn't.
Harry
Pete.
Francis
Pete Holmes was like. Yeah, but like people who say that they let their pets walk into their house every day from the outside. I wipe every one of my pets paws every time my dog comes inside.
Roan
Really?
Francis
Every single time I wet wipe my all four paws.
Harry
Have you ever Crazy. Here's an even more nuanced question. Have you? Are you somebody? Who are you guys? People who won't wear your outdoor pants on your bed.
Francis
I didn't used to be. I'm getting a little skittish about it. Yeah.
Harry
I mean you ride the subway, you sit down on a bench. Right. Because there's no pregnant women that need the seat. And you.
Francis
Because that's done now.
Harry
Yeah. You're sitting. Well, they know that it's better for them to stand. And you are sitting in, you know, the blood excrement ejaculate of one of Mamdani's goons.
Francis
Literal gooners.
Harry
Yeah. That whelp that goes into your pants seat. And then if you get home and you flop down on the bed, you are transferring all of that jism and stuff right into the duvet cover.
Francis
Yeah. If you wrung out your pants into a petri dish, you could make a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.
Harry
There you go. There you go.
Francis
And if you put that on your bed and then your wife sits on that, she's given birth to a Teenage Mutant Ninja.
Harry
Yes, exactly. That duvet comer is now duvet cover. Now the sourdough starter for the bread we've been eating all weekend. I keep saying weekend. It hasn't been the weekend.
Francis
It's been a weekend though. It kind of feels like pretty much.
Roan
It'S been 24 hours, I don't think.
Harry
No, sadly.
Francis
But we're cranking it out. That's what I'm saying.
Roan
It's been a jam packed 24.
Harry
I wish we had a little more time.
Roan
Yeah, of course.
Harry
I wish we had more time.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
One more night. We watch ball, we play video games, throw axes.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Where were we going to throw axes? Was that ever a real thing?
Harry
You can throw them at anything really.
Francis
Yeah. We have this. There's this one right over here.
Harry
If you want to do it the traditional way. You'd throw them at a white.
Roan
At a what?
Harry
What?
Roan
A white person.
Harry
White man. Interesting pale face.
Roan
Well, to answer your question, I don't wear my pants in bed. I don't really go in my bed though, outside of when I'm sleeping.
Harry
Wear your pants on the bed is the question. But I know you don't because once.
Roan
I get home, it sweats.
Harry
You don't get onto your bed. Your bed's not a place that you chill.
Roan
No, no, no, it's not.
Harry
Yours is a. You have a very minimalist sort of Japanese floor style.
Roan
My bedroom is very, very minimal bed. And that is it. There's nothing on the walls.
Francis
Pile of laundry.
Roan
Yeah, yeah, we're working on that.
Francis
You're chipping away. What, are you gonna demolish the whole thing with one stick of dynamite?
Roan
Get rid of some clothes. I'm gonna bring them somewhere.
Harry
Where are you gonna trade them for weed?
Roan
Yeah. Sell my clothes.
Harry
Place where you. Where you get them.
Francis
We could all honestly auction them off for. Son of a Boy. Dad.
Roan
My clothes.
Francis
Yes.
Roan
I'm not gonna do that.
Francis
Why? Me and Francis could do it.
Roan
Auction off my clothes.
Harry
I'm saying the place that you typically buy weed from is the place I typically. Clothes that I'm not using anymore. I never knew that they sold weed.
Roan
What?
Harry
Housing works.
Roan
Oh, wow.
Francis
What?
Roan
Yeah. Is that a dispensary?
Francis
I. I love making him try and talk about something that he won't talk about.
Harry
He hates it.
Francis
It's like you're a grown up making.
Harry
Dog swim when it doesn't want to.
Roan
I'm chilling.
Francis
You're making.
Roan
Genuinely didn't know what you were talking about. I was blanking out.
Francis
True. You're chilling. As I could tell.
Roan
But yeah, no, I think I got to get rid of clothes. I think that's my only solution. Or just get a new.
Francis
It's just like you should make piles of clothes and then the stuff that stays at the bottom of the pile for a long time. That's what you get rid of.
Roan
Yeah, but the stuff that stays on the bottom is. Is.
Francis
Are you saying those are the primo items?
Roan
It eventually becomes the top, but I'm.
Francis
Saying if you just leave it at the bottom for a while, you're like, oh, I never grabbed this because I don't want it. I want the other stuff that's on top of it. Just get rid of that, like, layer.
Roan
Yeah, yeah, that's a good point.
Francis
Or let me in, Francis. Auction it.
Harry
Yeah, yeah, of course we could auction it.
Francis
People would. People would love a vintage sass New England Patriots sweater.
Roan
But I'm not giving. That's like, I wouldn't give that away.
Francis
What's up for grabs?
Roan
Like, shit. That I would never. That I don't wear. I never wear.
Harry
But you shouldn't say that. You're devaluing the clothing.
Francis
Say it's Your best shit.
Roan
I got a lot of like that I've just collected over the years from working at barstool. Like random ass shirts.
Francis
Francis, I know you're not even taking home those shirts. I don't think I've seen you in a graphic T shirt in the. In one day that I've known you now.
Harry
Never the barstool stuff or just any.
Francis
T shirt with a graphic on it?
Harry
Someone once told me Ashton Kutcher, actually. Really?
Roan
No logos before or after he killed his girlfriend?
Harry
Did he?
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
Brittany Murphy.
Francis
No. That is eerie.
Roan
I don't know. He killed his ex girlfriend, didn't he?
Francis
What is that Brittany Murphy?
Roan
I don't know if that's who it is.
Harry
Is that the rumor?
Roan
Yeah, there's a lot of rumors. Apparently, like they went to her house and it was like just his DNA and her DNA and a lot of blood. And they were like, now he didn't do it. But I think it was when it was during that 70s show. I think he was popping too much money.
Francis
You just told me about this rumor. I didn't. I wasn't aware of this rumor, but I made it up. It's nasty.
Roan
I came up with the rumor, but.
Francis
I don't know why people are trying to take down Ashton. Is that why he has a squeaky clean image or is it the other way around?
Roan
I think he's done a couple weird things. He did something with that. With the dude that. The dude from that 70s show. The rapist?
Francis
Yes. Danny Masterson.
Roan
Yeah, they like made a. Didn't him and his wife make like a video?
Francis
Like a SAW video? Right?
Roan
Yeah. No, they made a video being like he's actually a great guy.
Harry
They. They did say something.
Francis
They get all witness statement.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
Yeah. Would you do that for one of your friends?
Roan
Not if. Probably not. If they were a rapist.
Harry
If it came out that Harry had killed someone and they asked me to do a character statement and they were like, what you say will really impact how lenient we are with our sentence. I'd be like, I had seen this coming for years. In fact, I tried to spend more time with him to change his behavior, but he wouldn't allow it.
Roan
Yeah, that wouldn't. Well, that wouldn't really help me much, would it?
Francis
Yeah, it would be him speaking his truth.
Harry
I want you in there for as long as possible so that in prison the only people who visit you are me. And you will beg for my visits.
Roan
Yeah, they'll be like, francis here. I'll be like, tell them I'm out of quarters.
Francis
Seven more years of solitary.
Harry
He goes dice someone's throat. So they put you in the.
Roan
In the hole.
Harry
In the hole. Francis is coming. All right. Time to kill someone again.
Francis
He's rocking back and forth, happy as shit, covered in blood.
Roan
But yeah, it's a shame about Ashton Kutcher.
Francis
I can't believe you want people to know that nasty rumor about him.
Roan
So I don't even know if it's real.
Francis
Yeah, you're afraid.
Roan
You're no idea Sued like.
Francis
Like the rest of our coworkers.
Roan
There are. I know that. Yeah. I know there are a lot of people that are like. That are like this happened and Ashton Kutcher is a murderer.
Francis
So how does he keep on getting roles?
Roan
Have you seen him in anything really recently?
Harry
He doesn't need to act. He's one of the best early angel investors in the game.
Roan
That's why he kills now.
Francis
He's too bored.
Harry
His portfolio of investments is like unbelievable. He's worth hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars, maybe billions.
Roan
Doesn't matter when you're behind bars.
Francis
What are you talking about? I saw him playing padel this morning.
Harry
He's got a beautiful house. He and they have a really, really nice, like, sort of modern farmhouse.
Roan
I know. I've seen the tour.
Harry
You have?
Roan
Of course.
Harry
That house is stunning.
Roan
It's not bad.
Harry
I want nothing more than to have a house like that.
Roan
I think you're buying this is a nicer place than that place.
Harry
You're being too nice.
Roan
No, really, that place was like cluttered.
Francis
Francis, when you think of your fantasy home, what. What square foot are we talking about?
Harry
I don't think I'd need anything.
Roan
I think mine's the barn that we went in today. I think the ideal that.
Francis
What are you talking about?
Roan
There's one.
Francis
Just 10 by 10 room.
Roan
Yeah. Sink a two shovel.
Francis
The bathroom, two shovels. The men's. In the women's room was two shovels, a wall of whiskey, a fireplace and piped.
Roan
Oh yeah. Especially if I'm out there by myself. I'm just getting hammered every day.
Harry
Y.
Francis
They're like old magazines from the 60s. Just reading them like you never seen them before. When did this kid. So you know, you wouldn't need more than what, 5,000?
Harry
I mean, yeah, you want to like if even that seems big to me, but I don't know. Four bedrooms presumably is enough. You got kids, right?
Roan
And then.
Harry
So maybe five to have a guest room.
Francis
So you're saying three kids? Well, just to be above replacement.
Harry
I Would like three kids, I think. But it. But it's whatever. Call it five bedrooms. But then, you know, I'd love to have a working gym in my home. That's a dream.
Francis
You need a working gym, but I.
Harry
Don'T need a fucking indoor pool. I don't need.
Francis
Not a lap pool, but like something small.
Harry
I don't need like a movie theater in my home, but maybe just like.
Francis
An onsen or something like that. Like some kind of.
Roan
I mean, this thing is like a movie theater. The sound is crazy.
Harry
The sound's good.
Roan
It's sick. I kept on, like. I was like, tweaking out watching Chernobyl. I was like. I kept on thinking someone was coming inside. And then I looked over and Roan's asleep. Yeah, I'm getting out of here.
Francis
I was snoring so loud. The door was opening and shutting.
Roan
I don't think I've ever felt more, like, suspect than I then walking with my red duffel bag across the street to that place, I was like, someone's gonna pull me over and be like, what do you think you're doing?
Francis
You're looting. You did look like a cat burglar, kind of. Yeah, like an old school cat burglar. 1950s burglar.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
It would have been a great life. It would have been so easy.
Roan
Totally. Just snatching cats all day.
Francis
So 6,000 square feet. No outdoor area with a TV. That's always been.
Harry
Oh, there you go. Yeah, that'd be nice.
Francis
That'd be so nice.
Roan
What do you do when it rains?
Harry
It's covered.
Roan
It's covered.
Francis
Look. Look right there. Upstairs, downstairs. You see that?
Roan
Oh, yeah.
Harry
But that's two different. That's two different condos. But I like the covered. Like, my deck's covered, which is good because then you got your grill. You want your built in grill?
Roan
Yeah, of course. You could probably throw a TV out here.
Harry
A lot of people. Do you think you will?
Francis
Thinking about it?
Harry
Thought about it. I just like to have. I don't like to have too many TVs. I don't have a TV in my bedroom. Most people do.
Francis
And it's wired for a tv.
Harry
They expect you to put one in there. And I said, not on my watch.
Francis
Wow.
Roan
I would totally have a TV in the bedroom. Missed opportunity.
Harry
I can still get one.
Francis
What would you do?
Roan
Strike while the ice cream.
Harry
Just need to find a day when I can walk to Best Buy.
Francis
What are you watching TV in bed every night?
Roan
No, I'm not. I never do. But I. And I don't think I would a lot because I don't really do it that much in, like, hotels either. But I think eventually I'd be like, I'm gonna watch a movie in bed tonight.
Harry
Sometimes it's nice.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
And they say that it's not good to have screens right before bed. But I'll tell you, when you're in a hotel and you sort of nod off and just press the button and fall asleep. As you've been watching South Park. Storage Wars.
Roan
Yeah. Same episode, south park every night, it's a good feeling.
Francis
Watching a movie in bed is a little bit girl coded, but they got it right. The girls got this one right.
Harry
They do a few things.
Francis
Well, cuddling up with a bowl of popcorn in bed. They hit that one the nail on the head.
Harry
What else do girls do?
Francis
Well, I mean, whoever cleaned your apartment today was fucking born for the job, I think.
Harry
I think grief support is a thing.
Francis
They're really good at rallying around each other when things are bad.
Harry
Grieving.
Francis
They rally together.
Harry
They're really good at, oh, my, oh, my. They died. I'm on my way.
Francis
Yeah, that's right.
Harry
They're on their way.
Francis
He broke up with me. I'll be there in 15 minutes. I'm bringing tequila.
Harry
Exactly. I'm bringing pudding and tequila. If I told Harry, like, bad news, everyone in my family died, he'd be like, what do you. What do you want me to do about it? Yeah, I didn't know them that well. I barely knew them.
Roan
Not true.
Francis
They can.
Roan
I would say, I'm on my way.
Harry
No, you might even be like that.
Roan
I'm on my way.
Francis
Do not.
Roan
Do not myself.
Francis
I'm here now. He would just be like, ding dong.
Harry
No, he'd be like, hang on, hang on. I'm just thinking about, like, how I'm supposed to structure this offer for Telluride Bush.
Francis
True.
Roan
I mean, that could happen. You know, it's getting crazy. A lot of stress.
Harry
Want to give us an update?
Roan
No, there really isn't any updates.
Harry
Don't. Don't show that on camera. That has my phone number.
Roan
It's been on camera the whole time.
Francis
Well, face down, though, and no one's.
Roan
Gonna be able to read that.
Francis
Why don't you guys have any girls and Telluri Bush. Not. That's actually a little sexist.
Roan
Not interested.
Francis
You're not?
Roan
No, there hasn't been any requests.
Harry
Are there any professional women esports gamers?
Roan
Yeah, but not for cod. Or maybe there are for. Maybe there is for cod. I don't know there. I know in like, like Counter Strike and like Valorant games like that there are. They have, like, women's leagues, but they.
Francis
Just get caught up in the grieving and they're like, I'm on my way.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Running back and forth on stage.
Francis
Yeah. Do not move. They're good at. They're good at putting out cheeses and stripes. I know you're probably pretty good at that, but.
Harry
No, I don't do charcuterie. I'm not a huge charcute guy.
Roan
Really?
Harry
I don't like cheese that much.
Roan
Oh, I love cheese. Nice sharp cheddar.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
It's not. It's not phasing out, is it charcuterie? Has it had its full moment? Like, are we on the waning stages of charcuterie? Do you think there's a chance it might be?
Harry
Yeah.
Francis
You're kind of feeling that, right?
Harry
I think that people have come around on realizing that, you know, smoked meats and shit are not that good for you.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
Eating a 1200 calories of fucking milk fat, cheese and smoked, you know, processed pastrami before dinner. Yeah. It's not exactly.
Francis
As soon as people come over.
Roan
It's a shame about pastrami because it's so damn good.
Harry
What was that?
Roan
But it's like, it is like. You're right. Like, isn't that like, it's 200 days supposed to be like the most unhealthy.
Harry
Thing, Anything that they tell pregnant women to stay away from, it's probably something I'm not going to want to eat.
Roan
I looked it up. I was looking up what ultra. Ultra. I was like, what counts as an ultra processed food? And then I looked it up and it's like all cold cuts.
Francis
Yeah. Not obviously, there's some that even like, turkey's damn near.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
It's bad turkey.
Roan
And I'm like, I'm eating that mostly. I thought that was most of what I eat.
Francis
I thought like, turkey and cheese was the good thing to eat.
Roan
So I thought you could eat that for every meal.
Harry
They're the two worst things.
Francis
Yeah, it's a conveyor belt.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
It's like the fast pass lane to cancer.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
Literally so fucking.
Harry
I think if you go with non smoked. Smoked meats are typically a little bit.
Francis
Yeah, they're putting the cancer on it.
Harry
Yeah. You got the carcinogens or whatever in there.
Francis
But yeah, I think I. I have been noticing and I just didn't know if it was the phase of my life that I'm in that charcuterie. Is less abundant.
Harry
You don't see it too much anymore.
Francis
When was the last one you saw?
Harry
It's been a long time now.
Francis
Right? Right. Am I going crazy?
Roan
I think I crushed a charcuterie last week.
Francis
Did you?
Roan
Yeah, my sister's wedding.
Harry
You did?
Roan
The day after. We had a nice charcuterie going.
Harry
Do you want to tell us about the wedding?
Francis
Oh, yes, please.
Roan
No, not at all.
Francis
Come on.
Harry
You don't want to talk about it?
Roan
No, tell us.
Francis
Sing the song you sang.
Roan
I didn't sing a song.
Harry
Did you have a speech?
Francis
Baruch?
Harry
You didn't give a speech?
Roan
No.
Harry
Why not?
Roan
Because I officiated the wedding.
Harry
Oh, you slow rolled us on that. You had an even bigger one.
Roan
I need you guys both to back up, like, five feet.
Francis
No, I wanted to stay.
Harry
I won't speak.
Guest Singer
All right, all right.
Harry
I'll give you a little space. I was excited. You officiated. You officiated.
Roan
Yeah. That's it.
Harry
How'd you do that? How'd you prep for that?
Roan
I didn't. I read the script that you wrote.
Francis
That you wrote?
Harry
Yep.
Roan
No, I don't feel like getting into the details of this. It's not my.
Harry
You brought it up.
Francis
You brought it up that you officiated. You know that you didn't.
Roan
Because you guys both. Zoom came up to my face.
Harry
Slow rolled it. You were like, I didn't speak. That's what he did. I didn't. I didn't give a speech. I was officiating.
Francis
I gave many speeches.
Harry
That's awesome.
Francis
I gave three readings. A responsorial psalm.
Harry
Yes.
Francis
And I gave the homily.
Harry
I was. I was busy getting ordained.
Roan
No.
Francis
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Roan
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Harry
Son of a boy. Dad is brought to you by Tempo Meals. When life gets busy, meal prep usually falls off the list. And even when we do it, it's the same boring chicken and rice on repeat. I literally had chicken and rice last night. It's what you feed a dog. That's sick.
Francis
That's. I mean, that's your fault. You should be on tempo.
Harry
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Francis
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Harry
Probably buy a, like the highest processing, you know, desktop computer for Harry as a gift.
Roan
Oh, that's exactly where my mind was at for you so that we could play together.
Harry
Oh, that's very generous.
Francis
Computer swap.
Harry
I'm getting closer and closer to buying a console.
Roan
Don't buy a console.
Harry
The problem is is that I've now learned that if I bought video games and hold the whole setup, you still wouldn't play with me.
Roan
I play with anybody because we.
Harry
We went fly fishing and you wouldn't fish with us, and we were five feet away.
Roan
That's kind of how it goes with fishing. We don't have to get into a whole episode of the show right now. Let's finish out this ad.
Francis
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Harry
I had no idea that happened. I am so sor that I asked about that wedding. That is a nightmare.
Francis
Oh, that's unsettling.
Harry
I can't believe you. You all went through that.
Francis
I'm floored right now.
Roan
Wow.
Francis
The strength.
Roan
I know.
Francis
I'm on my way to you.
Harry
Want to take the rest of the episode off? I know a few women who would come over here and grieve with you.
Francis
Yeah. What do you need?
Roan
Nothing.
Francis
Just to listen. Just the ear.
Roan
Just an ear.
Francis
And that's what we have for you. I think that being up here has also made me really appreciate the color palette. You need to Wear up here.
Harry
Yeah.
Francis
A lot of this kind of booze. Like this white isn't really it. You get the color palette, though.
Roan
Of course.
Francis
It contextualizes you being out. Out here a little bit somehow.
Harry
We dropped Harry into his element.
Francis
We really did shoehorned him in. We forced him into his element.
Harry
Although we say that the last time he came up here, he was wearing this. And I said, let's go for a walk with the dogs on the. On the golf course. And it was covered in snow. And I said, you need to put on something warmer. And he said, I'm good.
Roan
Yeah. I wasn't. I wasn't even close to.
Harry
It went out into 6 inch snow with.
Roan
I had my sambas.
Harry
Sambas on.
Roan
It was so cold.
Francis
Ankle. Your ankles being cold is one of the most painful things that can happen to a human.
Roan
Well, my ankles are never. I don't wear ankle socks.
Francis
What?
Roan
I got two pairs of socks on right now, brother.
Francis
Oh, you do?
Harry
Yeah.
Francis
Your ankles are never cold.
Roan
And I have long johns on.
Harry
Oh, my God.
Roan
I actually was sitting here and I was like, why am I sweating right now? And I realized I have a full long. I've got a Long John's shirt on too.
Harry
Long John Silver.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
And shoes on your lap.
Roan
And shoes on my lap.
Harry
Dude, you gotta take those shoes off your lap. Put them back down. I didn't actually care.
Roan
No, I don't mind having them on my lap.
Harry
That's bothering me. They're making your penis dirty.
Francis
Yeah.
Harry
Put that off your crotch.
Francis
It's like drinking. Yeah. Red 5.
Roan
I'm not. The shoe stuff doesn't really. It doesn't do anything for me.
Harry
What do you mean?
Roan
Like, I'm not gonna. Like. I'm not. I get like, shoes are gross, but I'm not like. Like, dirt is more annoying.
Francis
Shoes are dirt, though. That's what they're bringing inside.
Roan
No, they're bringing in like, which is worse.
Francis
And dirt. Dirt is.
Roan
But those shoes aren't bringing in dirt.
Francis
You think just because it's a little bit flat on the bottom that you can't track anything in.
Roan
Yes, exactly.
Francis
That's not really smooth.
Roan
It's fully smooth, brother.
Francis
It's not fully smooth.
Roan
It is. There's like a little tiny.
Francis
Yes, exactly. What do you mean it's fully smooth?
Harry
I knew it wasn't fully gonna rock climbing those.
Francis
Yeah.
Roan
I was trying to picture the bottom in my head. Not what I pictured.
Harry
Honeycomb. Honeycomb Patty.
Francis
The Fibonacci season.
Roan
Honeycomb doesn't bring in anything.
Francis
Yes. It does it brings it the most? No, it really is the. Yeah, that. That brings in a ton of dirt. And that's why your looks like it does.
Roan
My.
Francis
Your apartment looks bad.
Roan
There's no dirt in my apartment.
Francis
You just said that. When you turn around, it's dirt.
Roan
No, no.
Francis
You're looking at a landfill.
Roan
There's clothes everywhere and annoying.
Harry
You're gonna need to make a children a good. Wires.
Roan
No, no wires. Incredible wire cable management. Incredible.
Francis
No, no wires. Oh, man.
Harry
Does. Does coming up and you know, seeing all the fields and pastures up here make you guys think that maybe we're not living the right way. Living in New York City in cramped quarters as we do now?
Roan
Because I thought. I mean, I used to be like that every time I would leave the city. And now I just have accepted it that it's not a normal way to live. What, like in a tight corner forever?
Francis
Does your brain feel better when you're out here?
Roan
Yeah, everyone's does. But I don't. It's not like I just don't know there's no choice. Like, it's not.
Francis
I don't.
Roan
I'm not really in a choice right now. Where I'm like, is it upstate or is it in the city? I have to be in the city.
Harry
That's kind of how I rationalize it to myself. Although I do think I could make a choice.
Roan
Yeah. So what would you do? Like if we were doing the pot, would you come back, come down, and then just go back?
Harry
I'd come down. Yeah. And then. And then I'd get rid of my apartment and I could probably rent the nicest hotel in New York City four nights of the month.
Roan
Yeah, true.
Harry
And still save on rent by a lot.
Francis
I heard that people who have a second property spend an average of six weeks at it. Do you think you spend more or.
Harry
Less than the whole summer here?
Francis
So more?
Harry
Yeah, definitely more than six weeks. This is my primary residence.
Francis
You're not joking about.
Harry
I'm dead serious.
Francis
I used to think that that was a joke.
Roan
No, I believed him.
Francis
I never believed him.
Harry
I've spent more nights this. I will spend more nights this year here than I do in my New York apartment.
Francis
And I can see why.
Harry
Yeah. Yeah.
Francis
Good guy.
Roan
So do you like drawing? I'm really New York apartment.
Harry
Do I dread being going there?
Roan
Yeah. Like when you're there, are you like this in the summer?
Harry
In the summer I dread it.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
Really?
Harry
But I mean, I didn't spend. I think I spent five nights total sleeping in my New York Apartment all summer from like June through Labor Day.
Roan
Damn. Yeah, that ain't bad.
Francis
You should be using that as your Brooklyn flop house. I know you have about five nights of summer.
Harry
I wouldn't let you come to my apartment and sleep there if I fucking had a dog needing to be looked after by you.
Roan
I don't want to sleep.
Harry
First of all, I know you'd come in with your fucking muddy crampons on. Just tracking them over. Just my honeycombs stepping all over the couch.
Roan
We've already been over the honeycombs don't bring in dirt.
Harry
They do.
Francis
Should we say what? Harry? Also the other confession he made that he really wants a cat.
Harry
Oh, my God.
Roan
I've said that on the show a dozen times.
Francis
Well, I was tuning you out.
Harry
What is it about you people?
Roan
What? Love wanting a cat.
Harry
Cat people.
Roan
I think everyone like cats. Everyone likes cats. You got to go, you got to. You can't meet a cat and be like, this is a shit.
Harry
I've never met a person who really likes and wants cats who I would think is a person who also would like stop on the side of the road to help someone change a tire.
Roan
And you're not talking to enough people with cats. Just not so many people have cats that just like, you don't even know.
Harry
These are not service oriented people.
Francis
But it's a different type of person that has a dog and a cat and like, maybe they have barn animals. Maybe they. The cat is just wandering amongst the chickens and the goats and someone who only has one only has a cat.
Harry
I wouldn't mind that. I wouldn't mind if I had a barn and the cat just wanted to fend for itself. And then one day I noticed that it had had a litter up in the attic or something of the barn.
Roan
And so you want 15 cats.
Harry
15 cats running around eating all the mice and rodents and things like that.
Roan
But you want no other cats. You only. You don't want just one or two. You need 15.
Francis
It's just you can't only have a cat.
Roan
I think you can.
Francis
And I think like I'm saying you can.
Roan
70% of our listeners probably have cats.
Harry
No way.
Roan
Now. Probably not. Probably like 60, 50.
Francis
Sound off. Cat gang, sound off.
Roan
Yeah, let us know if you have a cat. If you have one or two cats.
Harry
Let us know if you have a cat. And the last time you did anything for your fellow man.
Roan
Yes, let us know.
Francis
Yeah, yeah.
Roan
I mean, a ton of people have.
Francis
Cats, but would you pull over someone if they're there now?
Roan
Because I don't know how to change a flat tire.
Harry
Okay, what if it was not even that? If their car was smashed up into a pole and they were hanging out. Yeah, hanging out of the door, bloody and dazed.
Francis
We saw a car accident today. You did not stop.
Roan
I didn't see either of you stop either.
Harry
Yeah, well, we have cat to feed. Feed.
Roan
You have dogs?
Harry
I don't have a dog anymore. I lost it. Well, my point is, you would not stop to help that person because, yes, I would like a cat.
Roan
If it was like. I mean, you got to give me the circumstance. Is this like, are we on a highway or are we on a suburban road and there's no people?
Francis
Highway. Highway, yeah.
Roan
It's. It's circumstantial if it looks like someone's already helping, like there's already an ambulance there. I'm not going to come over and just slow down the process.
Harry
I'm going to say something.
Roan
Let me get involved. Like fucking Dan Bilzerian at that Vegas shooting.
Francis
Pass me a gun.
Roan
Someone give me a fucking gun.
Francis
Give me the paddles. I want a shocking.
Harry
I almost. So we walked after I made my confession that I thought maybe I just didn't want to be a good person anymore. In the. In a recent episode that shortly after that, I walked out of the office and on 27th Street, I was about to get on a city bike, and I saw a man that was probably 65, and he was blind, and he was walking with his stick very slowly. Very, very slowly. And I thought, man, I just committed to not being a good person.
Roan
Yeah, but you couldn't help yourself.
Harry
But I couldn't help myself. And I went up to him and I said, may I help you for a block or two? And he said, oh, that would be lovely. And his name was Addie. And I didn't know what to do. I said, do you want to take my arm? And he goes, I'll just put my hand on your shoulder. And that's fine. Which he did. And he put his stick under the crook of his arm. And once he had me, we walked at like 4x, the speed that he had been walking. Interesting, you know, and we walked a block and a half. And he said he just lived right off 7th Ave on 20.
Francis
Oh, no, she list Manor's on 20th.
Harry
No, he was going to his apartment building.
Francis
Really?
Harry
Yeah. So I was like, I'll just walk you all the way.
Francis
There's multiple blind residences in that area.
Harry
I don't think this was a blind residence. I think that this guy has chosen to live among the seeing.
Francis
What the hell?
Harry
I know.
Francis
Did you get a look at his apartment?
Harry
No, no, I just walked. I pushed him into the revolving doors and then I figured he had it from there.
Francis
Yeah.
Harry
Although for all I know, he's still going around. He was a cool guy. He was a playwright. He learned that I was a comedian. We talked about that for a little bit, and I.
Roan
What's that said, how do you learn that?
Francis
You read a flyer?
Harry
What?
Roan
That you're a comedian.
Harry
He asked me what I do.
Roan
I know. I'm kidding.
Harry
Didn't get it.
Roan
You said, he learned that I'm a comedian. I said, how'd you learn that?
Harry
Oh, I see what you said. Very funny. So I was so worried that you guys would see me doing this.
Roan
I would. That would be hilarious that you would.
Harry
See me with an old blind man with his hand on my shoulder, walking down the street and be like. And Harry would be like, look at this performative bitch.
Roan
I probably would have.
Harry
Here, look at this guy.
Roan
If I walked out of the office and saw that, I would definitely think it was performing.
Harry
Think I'd hired him.
Guest Singer
Yeah.
Roan
100%.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
I would be like, who's under here? Pull the glasses off.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
Clemmer, take this off.
Harry
No, but I figured. I figured that one, you would think I was being performative, or two, that having just committed myself to not.
Roan
Well, I didn't think when you said that, that you were going to actually, like, go start. What was the alternative? She were gonna shove him.
Harry
Ignore him.
Francis
Yeah.
Harry
Let him get home in 1/4 of. In four times the time that it took him with me.
Roan
Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't think I would have knocked you for it.
Francis
I've never even considered doing that. And I just never needed. I never knew that they needed to get home faster. I didn't know that they were their maximum speed.
Harry
This guy, I think, was completely blind.
Francis
I mean, black, didn't even need to turn on the lights in his apartment.
Harry
Yeah.
Francis
I think that completely unfunctioning.
Harry
His electrical bill is zero. And I. I could just see. I mean, he was walking over the grates. Do you know how there's like, the part of the sidewalk that has the grates? And I was like, I don't think he should be on that part.
Francis
On the grades. You don't walk on the grades.
Harry
I don't love to.
Roan
Oh, you're scared you're gonna fall through.
Harry
I choose the pavement because I can see.
Roan
Don't be afraid to hit the grates. Every now and then when I'm going.
Harry
Around adrenaline, I'll go on the grates. When I'm going around someone.
Roan
Oh, yeah, of course.
Francis
It gives you adrenaline to hit the grades occasionally.
Roan
A real loose one.
Francis
Think about it.
Roan
Real loose. Great.
Francis
I have everyone.
Roan
That dude fell through.
Francis
Yeah, Clemmer.
Harry
He just oozed through the grate.
Francis
Now he lives down Strand of Spaghetti. Our anthropomorphic linguini friend. Who fell through the grates.
Roan
Some dude a couple years ago fell through.
Francis
Did he perish?
Roan
No, he. But he was. They found him because there was a massive hole in the street, but apparently he couldn't scream because there was rats all over him.
Harry
No way.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
What do you mean he couldn't scream?
Roan
He couldn't yell for help because if he opened his mouth, the rats would go in his mouth.
Harry
That's ridiculous.
Roan
My source here is Kevin Clancy.
Harry
What are you talking about?
Roan
He made like a one minute man about it.
Francis
He couldn't scream because a rat would go in his mouth.
Roan
Yeah, he was covered in rats.
Francis
This is like a Disney movie.
Roan
I know. It's brutal.
Harry
What. What are you. I don't even. This is ridiculous.
Roan
A dude, like, fell, tried to scream.
Francis
And then a rat just went and stuffed his mouth up.
Harry
He's like, I'm not doing that again.
Roan
I think that's what happened.
Harry
There's so many rats.
Roan
The tail was just whipping around back legs.
Francis
Not have been that many rats that they didn't even get scared. They just were like, we're on our way to work here. And just kept on walking over him.
Roan
Supposedly I'm not. I didn't. I don't know. You know? Could be not true.
Francis
Could be not true.
Roan
Who knows? I'm just going off of what I heard.
Francis
It's a good story, but scary.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
The spookier ones are the. The two metal doors that go over the stairs to the basement under, like, restaurants and stuff that have, like a little.
Harry
Give those.
Francis
Have you stepped in them and there's, like a little bit of gift.
Harry
Yeah, there is.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
That's spooky.
Harry
That's really bad. That's really bad.
Francis
But I dream of the lawsuit, though.
Harry
How hurt are you gonna be if you fall cleanly?
Francis
You know, it's just gonna, like, smoke your shin or, like, your side. You're gonna fall through and just get, like, under your ribs. Gonna get hit.
Harry
Except those staircases are steep. You fall into a bunch of cans.
Francis
Of tomatoes and restaurants aren't doing good. No restaurants, Not a lot of them have a lot of Money.
Harry
Yeah. And the bait. The storage areas of restaurants look like Harry's apartment. A lot of rats, cockroaches, clothing everywhere.
Francis
Can we do a extreme home makeover of the back side of your room?
Roan
The back side of my room?
Francis
Like this. The side that's on camera.
Roan
The side that's not my. Of my. Yeah, yeah. No, I just have to clean it.
Francis
Like, there's not really much to somebody for you.
Harry
Could I hire a cleaning lady to come to your apartment as a gift?
Roan
No.
Harry
Why not?
Roan
Because I told you, I have to prep for that. There's no way.
Francis
Well, why don't I hire you to help you prep?
Roan
What?
Francis
I'll hire a cleaning lady to help you prep, and then he'll hire one to actually clean.
Roan
No.
Harry
Yeah, we'll get someone really illegal for the first. For the first pass.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
And then someone who's pretty close.
Roan
No one is going in my apartment like that. Like, this is. It's because there's just clutter.
Francis
There's everywhere. You just don't know what you need to ask for help.
Roan
I don't need to ask for help.
Francis
Yeah, you don't know. You're unwilling to have to help.
Roan
No, I would ask for help if I needed it. I'd say, guys, I need some help with my apartment.
Francis
You haven't asked for help with your problem with the stuff you've been smoking, the funny stuff.
Harry
Do you ever get home and.
Roan
What.
Francis
I think you're a pretty good actor, but anytime someone brings up weed, you turn into the worst actor of all time. Like Keanu Reeves and Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. Like, what?
Roan
No, I don't think I've ever seen Bill and Ted's.
Francis
Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Harry
Why do you not like weed talk?
Roan
It's just not my thing.
Francis
It's too close to home.
Roan
It's too close to home.
Francis
He lost his grandmom. To weed.
Roan
To weed. Brownie overdose.
Francis
She's still here, but she's. She's greened out.
Roan
Do you remember when they started saying that? They were like. Like, just in. You can overdose on edibles. Do you remember? That was like the big. Because everyone always said, you can't overdose on weed.
Francis
Yes.
Roan
And they're like, but you can on edibles. And then it was just like. You just get too high.
Harry
I once. Dude. I once. I once flew on a plane from Chicago to Aspen.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
There's a small flight, and I was in the emergency exit row, very small plane, and I was sitting next to this dude who was enormous. Enormous. And he was my age. I was probably 24, 25. And he was. Had. He had been. Or maybe he still was. He was probably 23, the starting center for the Colorado Buffs.
Francis
The college team.
Roan
Yeah, of course, Deion's team.
Harry
Yeah. But this was long before Dion was at the helm. And he said that he would go to dispensaries. There was one in town. There was a place that made food. Weed infused food.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
And one time he bought this. I think it was manicotti. Like, it was pasta.
Roan
Oh, yeah.
Harry
Made with weed. And it was a. Maybe it was like lasagna or something. But they were like, this is a serving for 12 people. This is a dinner party weed amount.
Roan
Damn.
Harry
And he ate the whole thing himself. And that he was high for three days.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
That's what he said.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
To getting. Getting baked off of manicotti is so ridiculous. Why would they do. Why would that be the thing that everybody's getting high off of at the dinner party? They're playing side roulette and just like, oh, choose at your own risk.
Harry
Yeah.
Roan
A weed lasagna being like, oh, it's.
Francis
Definitely in the salad.
Roan
Yeah, that is funny.
Francis
They could put it in the dressing.
Harry
I got that guy's phone number. This. This was an age of life where when I met a cool dude, we would connect and I would think that I would hang out with them again.
Roan
Oh, yeah.
Francis
I feel like you're still in that stage.
Harry
I'm out of that.
Francis
I feel like you're still kind of collecting dudes.
Harry
I'm not collecting dudes. I'm done with dudes.
Francis
You're giving up dudes.
Harry
I'm kind of done with society, frankly.
Francis
Well, you've withdrawn.
Harry
I am withdrawn.
Roan
Yeah, you did.
Francis
You did withdraw.
Harry
Pulling out. No more weddings, no more social commitments.
Francis
I was getting flamed at the barstool offices this week because I've never been to a barstool wedding. I've never been to a wedding of anybody at Barstool neither. They were dragging, huh?
Roan
Didn't get invited to yours. Yeah, we were doing the show already.
Harry
That's hurt. That's tough.
Roan
We had just started about a year.
Francis
In, but I could see it was weeks in.
Harry
I could see why you wouldn't get invited.
Roan
Yeah. We were literally weeks in.
Harry
You were also, at that time, you were a liability.
Roan
I don't think so.
Harry
With how much you were drinking.
Roan
No, not Ben.
Harry
Really?
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
You didn't drink that much.
Francis
So if I knew how much he was going to go on to drink, I would have Invited him because I was like, this guy's a legend. Legend.
Harry
Yeah.
Francis
Do the thing. Do the beer drinking.
Harry
Do the worm. Yeah, do the worm.
Francis
Hit the worm again. But they were all like. Every time someone came up, they would all laugh. They'd be like, I've been to six weddings.
Harry
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Francis
Tommy Smokes had been to seven barstool weddings.
Harry
Wow.
Guest Singer
Cool.
Roan
Good for Tommy.
Francis
I think that Tommy begs to go to these weddings.
Roan
Oh, definitely.
Francis
I think he clearly, like, just finds out who's going to be married soon and just, like, puts himself in their orbit.
Roan
Yeah. Make sure to pull up.
Francis
How many have you been to?
Harry
I've only been invited to one, and I didn't go to Dave's. Dana's. Yeah. Yeah.
Francis
To Dave and Renee.
Harry
It's the only one I've went to. Officiated it.
Roan
That's great.
Harry
Don't really want to talk about it.
Francis
Did you get a speech at David Renee's?
Harry
Yeah, I did officiate it. I did it in Yiddish, which I had to learn on the fly.
Francis
But Mr. Portnoy really appreciated it.
Harry
They did. They sure did. For these are God's wishes. Baruka.
Francis
Totally trash song. They need to revamp that.
Guest Singer
That.
Francis
If it was the Catholic Church, they would have revamped it 12 times.
Harry
Could use a Kygo remix.
Roan
Yeah.
Francis
I have a dream that one day that would be hard all right, should.
Harry
We wrap this up?
Francis
All right.
Harry
Sure.
Roan
We've been going for probably an hour, right? It's close.
Francis
Sure. Let's get the hell out of here.
Harry
Barely. How? Okay. Perfect.
Roan
Sweet.
Guest Singer
All right.
Roan
Thank you, guys. Thank you guys all. Make sure you finish the rest of fish week. Great week.
Francis
Oh, bye. Bye. Fish week. Merch.
Harry
Oh, yeah.
Roan
Fish week merch. Will be back. Will be out for Black Friday.
Francis
No, it's out now.
Roan
It's out now. Is it?
Harry
I don't think so.
Roan
It's out for fish.
Francis
Yes, it's out for fish week.
Roan
You gotta want to double check with that because I don't think that's true.
Harry
I think Harry's right. That's it. I think it's being sold. Black Friday sale.
Francis
Get. Just get on the goddamn website and buy some. Pre order it.
Roan
Yeah.
Harry
Pre order.
Roan
Fish. Fish week. Thank you.
Guest Singer
Goodbye. Was over still still underground so I looked older to you Came around I was only falling one way.
Harry
I was.
Guest Singer
Only falling away.
Francis
Days.
Guest Singer
Were drifting so thank you. Listen now I come and alive I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Spanish to your eyes did you real no one can take me alive I was only falling one way See just a distant light Call it just a memory Take my head and you can see Sam that is to your eyes did you realize no one could take me alive.
Date: November 13, 2025
Host(s): Francis, Harry, Roan (Barstool Sports)
Theme: Fish Week, Day 2 – Misadventures in fly fishing, rural life reflections, New England banter, living like an adult, and camaraderie
In this laid-back, riff-heavy episode, the crew—primarily Roan, Francis, and Harry—continue their “Fish Week” adventures. With Lil Sasquatch (Harry) recently dropped out of college and musing on adulthood, the episode is a lighthearted attempt to fill the “education gaps” through experience, with a comic focus on rural escapades, house etiquette, culinary tangents, personal quirks, and surprisingly wholesome moments.
[01:54–03:28]
[02:39–03:56]
[04:00–08:10]
[07:54–08:15]
[08:35–09:45]
[09:47–13:14]
[13:59–16:56]
[17:07–18:14]
[19:18–22:14]
[24:02–24:58]
[26:02–29:14]
[29:31–33:17]
[33:37–34:37]
[35:11–36:13]
[36:04–37:53]
[38:08–39:04]
[48:06–51:19]
[50:32–52:47]
[53:16–54:55]
[57:11–59:37]
[60:03–60:54]
[61:42–63:17]
[64:11–65:49]
On fly fishing:
"You're putting the cart before the horse... You can't hit home runs without making contact." – Francis [07:52]
On rural discovery:
“I didn’t realize we were walking onto big money…I thought you had an apartment…You do downplay it a bit.” – Francis [15:02]
On house etiquette:
“If you wrung out your pants into a petri dish, you could make a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.” – Francis [22:01]
On movies in bed:
"Watching a movie in bed is a little bit girl-coded, but they got it right…cuddling up with popcorn in bed, the girls got this one right." – Francis [33:37]
On altruism:
“May I help you for a block or two?... And we walked at like 4x the speed.” – Harry [53:53]
For listeners, this episode is quintessential “Son of a Boy Dad”—rural adventure meets city humor, with plenty of inside jokes, petty debates, and the underlying theme of learning “how to be a man” (and a friend) through experience, roasting, and a lot of tangents. Whether or not you care about fish, fly rods, or city vs. rural life, you’ll get vicarious escapist fun, out-of-nowhere sincerity, and genuine group chemistry. Fish Week rolls on.
Fish Week merch available (or soon)!
Check out the rest of Fish Week for more hijinks and make sure to “sound off, cat gang” if you’re a feline fan.