Francis Ellis Addresses Dave Portnoy Biography | Son of a Boy Dad #374

Summary

Son of a Boy Dad #374 — Francis Ellis Addresses Dave Portnoy Biography

Date: February 10, 2026
Hosts: Harry (Lil Sasquatch), Ronan (Rone), Francis Ellis
Location: Barstool HQ3

---

EPISODE OVERVIEW

This candid episode centers on Francis Ellis opening up about the recent drama surrounding his attempt to ghostwrite Dave Portnoy’s autobiography, and its public rejection by Dave. The hosts—Harry, Ronan, and Francis—discuss everything from their reactions to the book situation, creative process struggles, and company dynamics, to lighter banter about weed, food, and internet subcultures. The tone blends remorse, humor, and self-awareness, as Francis reflects on ambition, setbacks, and his evolving role at Barstool Sports.

---

KEY DISCUSSION POINTS & INSIGHTS

1. Francis Addresses the Dave Portnoy Biography Fallout

Francis’ Perspective [20:01–24:35]:

• Initial Reactions: Francis describes the rollercoaster of seeing Dave publicly diss the book: “I've kind of gone through the various stages of grief in a way. ...I was bummed. And then I was kind of frustrated, confused, and then ultimately accepting. ...I didn't finish the job. So there's work to be done. I want to solve it, and I'm going to stay in the fight.” (Francis Ellis, 20:01)
• Discovery: Francis found out after briefly reinstalling Twitter for a sponsored post and being flooded with notifications about the bad news. (21:00–21:20)
• Current Role: Now, he pivots to helping Dave polish the draft: “My role has changed…I'm kind of just editing, polishing a little bit, but I'm in a very minimally invasive way. ...Look, this is his book.” (Francis, 23:38)
• Genre Differences Clarified: Francis explains his confusion between a biography and an autobiography: “I think you could distill this down to: I tried to write more of a bio. I ended up writing more of a biography. And he wanted a true autobiography. And that's a challenge.” (Francis, 24:35)
• Creative License: Francis notes that his approach, which included “flourishes” and imagined dialogue, didn’t vibe with Dave’s preference for straightforward factual storytelling. (25:00–26:48)

The Lychee Martini Incident [26:35–27:10]

• The “lychee martini” detail (which Dave publicly mocked) is explained as creative imagery meant to evoke a scene, not mock anyone’s masculinity.
  • “It's imagery to put the reader in that restaurant. Not like, look how gay our staff is. ...I wrote lychee martini, and he was like, spicy watermelon lychee martini was how he remembered it. ...I went back and looked.” (Francis, 26:48–27:10)

Will We Ever Get “The Francis Cut”? [27:28–27:42]

• Francis is adamant: “No. ...Look, this is Dave's autobiography. ...I [was] hired to do a task, and I did not deliver on that.”

Self-Reflection, Loyalty, and Disappointment [33:02–38:20]

• Francis admits he hoped to prove his loyalty and worth to Dave and Barstool. He had written and re-written 320 pages, spending hundreds of hours:
  • “I thought that … this book would serve as a mark in my favor… I'm pretty sure I now owe Dave… for wasting his time.” (Francis, 33:17–34:05)
• He acknowledges his output on public blogs dropped as he focused solely on the book and feels bad for fans missing his writing.

---

2. Company & Barstool Culture

• Discussion of what makes Dave’s voice unique: “The whole company was built on Dave's writing. ...from 2003 to 2010, the centerpiece voice of Barstool was Dave.” (Francis, 28:24)
• Francis compares himself to “the Giver”: “I am the keeper of stories.” (Francis, 29:19)
• The group muses about workplace loyalty, creative ambition, and the risks of trying to immortalize the boss.

Memorable quote on creative process:

“Even when I try to do it the right way, truly, …I was early on all my deadlines…was asking all these different sources and going about this with real, like, fucking dedication and passion, and he hated it. He fucking hated it.” (Francis, 36:53)

---

3. Social Media, Burners, and Dopamine Loops [21:43–23:02]

• Harry and Ronan joke about their relationship with Twitter, with Ronan admitting to being unable to quit (“I’ve never been on it more. I’m always on.” Ronan, 21:51), and referencing burner accounts (“I got a couple burners that I’m working with.” Ronan, 22:41).

---

4. Super Bowl and Pop Culture Recap

• Recaps of Super Bowl commercials (notably the tight-end/prostate PSA and Ben Stiller ad), Bad Bunny’s performance, and food orders.
• “Did you tune in to the TPUSA [Turning Point USA] halftime show? Alternate broadcast with Kid Rock, if you wanted to see someone speak American.” (Harry & Ronan, 71:28)
• Extended riff on spiciness of Indian/Thai food and hot sauce challenges (“I have literally had this fear…I really hope I don’t become so famous that I do Hot Ones.” Francis, 61:36)

---

5. Orbiting Barstool: Family, Standup, and Everyday Life

• Francis shares about reconnecting with his niece and nephew, and their “breakthrough” moment while playing games. (45:16–46:28)
• Discussions about upcoming standup tour dates, pitfalls of third-party ticket vendors, and maximizing Delta SkyMiles using an obscure booking hack. (80:21–82:58)

---

6. Internet Subculture Banter

• The trio tries to decode “looksmaxing,” “mewing,” “frame mogging,” and incel/void culture from Twitter/TikTok. (74:09–77:13)
• "When you guys talk like that...I just think about, like, where am I? Should I be elsewhere?" (Francis, 74:15)
• “It's the same thing as, like, when we were talking about, like, jelqing and goo.” (Ronan, 75:12)

---

MEMORABLE QUOTES

• Francis on failing the book:
  “The only person that matters...was the judge, jury, and executioner. And I knew that, and I fell short...So it's a failure on my part.” (Francis, 38:05)

• Ronan on tackling adversity:
  "To linger on a loss, even a big one feels ungrateful...just like I shook myself out of it and was like, dude, go, go. You know, right the ship. We got a lot to do. Stay moving forward." (Francis, 44:35)

• On Barstool history:
  “I think that maybe he's following the chronology of my structure at most. Which, you know, that's a silly thing to say because the whole book is chronologically oriented.” (Francis, 31:02)

---

TIMESTAMPS FOR MAJOR SECTIONS

• Francis on the Dave Portnoy Book Fallout: 20:01–38:20
• What Makes Dave’s Voice Unique & Ghostwriting Woes: 24:19–28:57
• Creative Process, Self-Doubt, and Company Loyalty: 33:02–38:20
• The Lychee Martini Detail & Imagery in Writing: 26:35–27:10
• Will We See the “Francis Cut?” 27:28–27:42
• Hot Sauce & Food Challenge Talk: 57:04–62:23
• Complex Internet Cultures & Looksmaxing Bits: 74:09–77:44
• Super Bowl, Culture, & Family: 51:45–46:28, 72:01–73:46
• Upcoming Standup & Ticketing Banter: 83:14–85:26

---

OVERALL TONE AND TAKEAWAYS

Cringe and camaraderie meets honest vulnerability:
Francis’s self-effacing recount of “failing” the autobiography sets a serious tone, but the group’s relentless humor and humility keep the episode buoyant. They move deftly from niche memes to public disappointment to practical airline hacks, painting a portrait of modern adulthood: risks, regrets, and relentless moving forward.

For anyone who wondered about the real story behind the Barstool book brouhaha, or enjoys inside baseball about comedy and online life, this episode delivers a raw, relatable, and very real conversation.

Transcript

[Harry]

Hey. Son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

[Ronan]

Out on the course, they're the PGA tourist's best players. But in the arena, they're prime time. And season two of TGL, presented by SoFi, is back. With lights, cameras, action. We're talking big moments, big personalities, big names in the stands, all on the big screen. Big time matchups with shot clocks, Hammer drops timeouts, overtime, playoffs. It's city versus city, squad versus squad. The sport just hits different under the lights. It's TGL, presented by SoFi. Keep up, it's golf. Tune in to every match only on espn. You're on LinkedIn this weekend. Big LinkedIn weekend.

[Harry]

Where'd you go? To the butcher gun shop?

[Francis]

Yeah, I went to my local watering hole, the gun shop. Had some whiskey and looked at some guns. That's what we do.

[Harry]

It's going to happy hour at the firing range.

[Ronan]

Shall we?

[Francis]

We shall.

[Harry]

Why do your hands sound sticky? Did you hear that?

[Francis]

Wait, I need another top.

[Harry]

Get the lumbar pillow.

[Francis]

I need one to sit up.

[Harry]

Do you feel that's that stickiness. It sounded sticky.

[Ronan]

No, they definitely made a noise.

[Harry]

You could scale a glass building bare handed.

[Ronan]

I've webbed fingers. All righty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy dad podcast. Today it is February 9, 1:23pm we are here live from HQ3.

[Francis]

This is a great look.

[Harry]

The collar popping through, like, gives it such a course.

[Francis]

Of course. You look nice.

[Ronan]

I'm on big with the collar.

[Francis]

Have you been?

[Ronan]

Always.

[Harry]

But not over another. Well, maybe. I don't know. I don't want to tell you about you.

[Francis]

He's never done that.

[Ronan]

I do it all the time.

[Francis]

No, you don't.

[Harry]

For church, maybe. Promise for temple.

[Francis]

Never on the pod.

[Ronan]

It's a staple. It's honestly a staple.

[Harry]

Look, for me, we could go through the annals of son of a boy Dad, I don't think that we've seen this.

[Ronan]

We have.

[Francis]

Would you ever wear a V neck? With God?

[Ronan]

No.

[Francis]

No.

[Ronan]

No.

[Francis]

But that would almost frame the collar. Maybe a little bit.

[Ronan]

Probably. Yeah. But I'm not a V neck guy. No, I. I'm like the tightest neck I can possibly get.

[Francis]

You're a no neck.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

You're an O ring.

[Harry]

It has to hurt.

[Ronan]

Yeah. I want everything to be a turtleneck.

[Harry]

It has to feel like you're being birthed.

[Ronan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Francis]

Would you ever. Would you ever wear a turtleneck?

[Ronan]

Yeah, of course.

[Francis]

Would you of course. No.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's your opening. Spoil him.

[Francis]

I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm gonna be honest with you. I'm gonna reveal something here. I spend a lot of time shopping for Harry.

[Harry]

Yeah, of course.

[Francis]

I find clothes. I look at things all the time now, and I think, boy, that would look great. And then I think about buying it, and then I'm like, he won't even bring it home from the office.

[Ronan]

I brought all of my gifts home. I brought my Louis book back.

[Francis]

That hurt. That. That sat here for so long.

[Ronan]

That is finishing up another book.

[Francis]

That is a sentimental.

[Ronan]

I didn't want it. I wanted to show it off. I didn't want it collecting dust at my bookshelf.

[Francis]

Understood.

[Harry]

A lot of people talked about stealing it because you wanted it so little.

[Ronan]

That's so mean.

[Harry]

A valuable autograph. I mean, you're discarding it.

[Ronan]

I love when I go back to my desk every couple months and I get to see Ron's desk and see what's changed.

[Harry]

What's changed?

[Ronan]

A lot of paraphernalia.

[Harry]

So I'm holding that for a coworker, if you know what I mean.

[Francis]

Contraband.

[Ronan]

Rowan's got a fucking, like, Wiz Khalifa rolling station at his desk. It's crazy. Multiple grinders. I also have strains of weed.

[Harry]

The penis salt gun.

[Ronan]

Yeah, you have that. That thing's fun. Fun to play with.

[Francis]

Hey, I have a question. You talked on. On Una's show and on Bush Streams and stuff about just marijuana in general, but you don't talk about it here.

[Ronan]

I didn't say anything there. I haven't said here.

[Francis]

I feel like, you know, you're a little. I. My impression was that you were a little bit more open about weed on those other places.

[Harry]

Well, because this page. Harder for his parents to find.

[Francis]

Do they. Do they watch this one but not any of your other stuff?

[Ronan]

I don't really know. I don't really know what my parents watch. I know. My sisters watch everything.

[Francis]

They watch everything.

[Ronan]

Yeah. And they were.

[Harry]

They were heartbroken.

[Ronan]

They'll find it.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Like they probably had. They were probably like, at the premiere of Una's episode.

[Francis]

Yeah, right.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Waiting in the fucking lobby.

[Francis]

On YouTube, six different handles on the comments having a conversation with themselves.

[Harry]

Yeah, he's hilarious.

[Ronan]

Family's group chat is in there.

[Francis]

The sexual tension is palpable. No, they didn't even look at each other. Can't they just be co workers? The king of New York gets what he wants.

[Ronan]

He didn't even look up from the page. I really didn't, though. I just looked at the page. I didn't know we were supposed to. Not. I thought I was just drawing.

[Francis]

I didn't look up that much.

[Harry]

Yeah, you were supposed to. Not.

[Ronan]

I was just looking at. I was just looking at my heart.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Focused. I took an Adderall before you were dialed.

[Francis]

I'll say this, that's a pretty good show. I think that's a unique show.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

Love the name.

[Harry]

Great idea.

[Francis]

Great idea.

[Harry]

Great idea for the name.

[Francis]

Great idea. Great name.

[Ronan]

I honestly think it would be better with more guests that aren't barstool people.

[Harry]

Yeah. The booking department should definitely be on that. Yeah.

[Francis]

I think that's the next iteration, right?

[Ronan]

Probably. Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Because I feel like that would be a good show with, like, outside guests.

[Harry]

Yeah. Whoever thought of that's fucking dialed.

[Francis]

What?

[Ronan]

Did you say that?

[Harry]

No, the show.

[Ronan]

Oh, you thought of the show.

[Harry]

Yeah, in the name.

[Ronan]

That was a great setup and everything.

[Harry]

That was an incredible setup by Francis.

[Ronan]

And all of it.

[Harry]

I wish I could give you the same setup. I wish I could be like, write this book for me.

[Francis]

Oh, no.

[Ronan]

Nasty. Low blow. Rowan's not a team player.

[Harry]

It was a tee up. It was a tee up to talk about it. This is a tee up. I'm trying to do my best to tee up.

[Ronan]

Rowan loves to bring his boys down. It's unfortunate.

[Harry]

I don't.

[Ronan]

It's unfortunate.

[Harry]

I hate to bring my boys down.

[Ronan]

The last I spoke of you before today was. I think the last thing you said to me was, your team is going to be a trivia question that people get wrong.

[Harry]

Was I wrong? All I was doing was reporting the news. Well, we were. You. You started the talk out of nowhere.

[Ronan]

Eagle super bowl highlights on the day of the Super Bowl. And I said, let go.

[Harry]

And I just had to get. I just had to give you some straight talk. And then I said that one and you stopped responding. I was like, maybe I've gone too far.

[Francis]

It was.

[Ronan]

It was dead right.

[Harry]

It was dead right. But I didn't. I wanted. No one was rooting for the Patriots more than me.

[Ronan]

I just don't know.

[Harry]

It would be so good for the company.

[Francis]

It's so good for the. The company.

[Harry]

Like, it'd be good for Dave to win that huge bet. It would be good for T shirt sales. It'd be good for morale.

[Francis]

It's good for everybody.

[Ronan]

Good for facility, economy.

[Francis]

Yeah, it was good.

[Harry]

Literally.

[Ronan]

Yeah, literally.

[Harry]

No one's buying Seahawks T shirts.

[Ronan]

No, sure someone is.

[Harry]

Are you sad.

[Ronan]

No, I'm not, like, torn up.

[Francis]

Those boxes of T shirts were on their way to Zimbabwe. Someone's like, wait, wait, wait. We actually might use those here this time. Yeah.

[Ronan]

I was honestly going to ask if I could have, like, some of the Patriots championship gear year. Thought it would have been funny to have.

[Francis]

I want the 48 bags of confetti that are blue, red, and white they.

[Harry]

Didn'T use to Scrooge McDuck into.

[Francis]

Yeah, save it for my Fourth of July party.

[Harry]

Or Bad Bunny's outfit. That sick white outfit that he had. I heard he was wearing a bulletproof vest under it.

[Ronan]

See, when he got off stage, he was all paranoid, like someone was following him.

[Francis]

Yeah, probably ice.

[Ronan]

Probably. It's literally what it looked like.

[Harry]

Get your ass back to Puerto Rico. That' I don't know. I feel like he. He ended that last song fast, though. I was excited to hear that song specifically.

[Ronan]

And then he ran off the stage or the field.

[Francis]

Yeah, I had no idea what was going on.

[Ronan]

None.

[Francis]

None and nothing.

[Ronan]

Translations would have been nice.

[Harry]

I mean, be prepared to be called racist.

[Ronan]

I don't think that's racist.

[Harry]

I don't speak Spanish. You're a race.

[Ronan]

Not even in the music, though. But he was clearly saying that was, like, not related to the music. Like, it would have been nice to know what he was saying.

[Francis]

Dude. I had to do a blood test this morning for my cholesterol thing, and I went into Quest diagnostics, of course. And by the way, that's a. Have you guys been to one of those?

[Ronan]

I think.

[Harry]

No. What are they?

[Francis]

Well, I kind of thought it would be like an urgent care type place. Wrong.

[Harry]

Worse.

[Francis]

It's like basically a call center that has been re appropriated to take blood.

[Harry]

There's just cubicles that just get jabbed.

[Francis]

It's like, you know, at night it turns into a brothel.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Where every little booth is a place to. You know.

[Ronan]

I've been to a couple of those places. They're like, eerie almost. Yeah, it was kind of weird. They turn things over. You're, like, getting in the car and they're like, your results came back. Like, how.

[Harry]

We did the eye test.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Looks good.

[Francis]

But my. My drawer of blood. I'm not gonna call her a nurse because I don't know if she has that. But she was only speaking Spanish. And young, very pretty. Probably mid to late twenties, I would say. And she was corresponding with a woman over the barrier into the next.

[Ronan]

Yeah, the cube.

[Francis]

Blood cube. The wall over the border. And I turned to her and I Said, did you watch the super bowl last night? She goes, k. And I was like, the Super Bowl? And she was like, I know, I know. Me, I know. Know what? That. What. What is.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Or whatever. And I'm like, the football. Football game. And she's like. And then the other woman translated Super Bowl. And she started laughing into Spanish for. She started laughing.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And then I was like, yeah, Because Bad Bunny. And she was like, I know. Like Bad Bunny. And I was like, well, I guess I should have just started with that because I wanted to ask someone who speaks Spanish how they thought.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

Of. Of the show because I saw a.

[Harry]

Swath of Spanish speaking people saying, I'm a native Spanish speaker. The way Puerto Ricans speak Spanish is even hard for me to understand that. So really, I think that and Chile have like, the most, like, weird dialects.

[Ronan]

I didn't know that or not.

[Harry]

Or pronunciations. Maybe not dialects, but I would. I would have loved to know what he's talking about.

[Ronan]

Yeah. I think that was more like, I don't. The music. I didn't really need to know the translations because I was just moving and grooving with the beat. But the actual translations of what he was saying would have been nice because there was definitely a lot that wasn't a part of the music.

[Francis]

Right.

[Harry]

Like, what's making them shake their asses?

[Ronan]

Yeah. Why are they shaking?

[Francis]

Even music in English, I tend to read along the lyrics.

[Harry]

Kendrick Lamar use the same subtitles back in the day.

[Francis]

I don't know if you guys remember this. Sometimes when you bought a cd, the CD book itself had the lyrics would have all the lyrics written in tiny. Tiny.

[Harry]

So nice.

[Francis]

And as I listened, I would sort of just be following along really closely.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Because you want to memorize them. So you just. One of those days.

[Harry]

He did what to Kim.

[Francis]

Everybody sucks. Everybody. I. You.

[Ronan]

When I was younger, I used to get the albums and I would read the lyrics first and then I would listen to the songs and be like, I wonder what beat they chose for this. For this one.

[Francis]

Try to envision yourself.

[Ronan]

Yeah, right. I was like, oh, I would have gone something a little different.

[Francis]

Oh, I heard that in C.

[Harry]

Did Shakira and JLO speak? Did they do their shit in Spanish?

[Francis]

I think it was hybrid.

[Ronan]

Hybrid, was it?

[Francis]

They did a little.

[Ronan]

Shakira was definitely hybrid.

[Harry]

They were teasing us.

[Ronan]

Yeah. They did it together, right?

[Harry]

I think so, yeah.

[Ronan]

Hybrid, for sure. This was fully espanol.

[Harry]

Yeah. He didn't even. He said. Or did he say, like, I love football?

[Ronan]

No, I Heard football. I heard football once.

[Harry]

Our usa.

[Ronan]

I didn't know what he was saying. I thought he was saying some crazy.

[Francis]

I thought the sort of scenery and the. All those scenes were amazing, but I didn't. I wasn't that familiar with what they were. I didn't know. And that's on me.

[Harry]

The power outages and shit going on in Puerto Rico and the sharecroppers.

[Francis]

That's what it was.

[Ronan]

Yeah, that was Woody. That was why he was climbing the phone poles.

[Francis]

Why did he hand the drink though back to someone else? Because he didn't like it. You know what I mean? Was that something.

[Harry]

I know that the bartender is like a bartender of some famous Puerto Rican bar in I think like Bushwick somewhere in Brooklyn or something.

[Francis]

Cool.

[Harry]

She was like an old lady. I think there were some Easter eggs in there.

[Francis]

But apparently that couple really got married.

[Ronan]

Oh yeah, yeah, I saw that.

[Harry]

And that kid was Elian Gonzalez. I heard that he gave the Grammy to. Do you remember?

[Ronan]

Oh yeah, that got the ice pulled up on Alien.

[Harry]

Gonzalez was. Do you remember? He was the kid that was like in the closet in like the 1990s.

[Francis]

Oh, I thought that was the kid that floated over on the inner tube from Cuba.

[Harry]

Oh, maybe that was that kid.

[Ronan]

I thought the kid was the kid that I. Scott or.

[Harry]

No, that's Danny Almonte, I think.

[Francis]

Oh no, that's the picture that was too old for the Little League World Series. That's who you're thinking of.

[Ronan]

Very, very high brow. High brow.

[Harry]

It was the kid from Modern Family that they gave it to.

[Ronan]

Pedro Pascal was there. Did you see that? Yeah, he was like in the. In the thing. Do you think all of that was live or do you think some of that stuff was like pre recorded?

[Harry]

No, he was in the. I think that was live. Saw like a pulled out picture of him. I bet he was licking his chops. At who? He could anxiety grow?

[Ronan]

Oh yeah, A lot of anxiety asses around there.

[Harry]

Did you know that that's his move, what Pedro Pascal.

[Francis]

Pascal is to what?

[Ronan]

He gets anxious and then he starts grabbing.

[Harry]

He gropes people and then. And then he like he's like, I'm sorry, I have really bad anxiety. That's like his excuse for.

[Ronan]

I don't know if that's. I don't know if that's how he'll.

[Harry]

Fully fondle people and be like, I'm sorry, I'm.

[Francis]

It is.

[Ronan]

It is weird as. And we're out on him. But yeah, I will say Eddington was.

[Francis]

Aren't you supposed to get a dog for that condition?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Aren't you supposed to grope a dog?

[Ronan]

Yeah, typically not human, but Eddington was good, so we forgive him.

[Francis]

Yeah, I never saw that.

[Ronan]

Oh, I thought it was great.

[Harry]

What is it?

[Ronan]

It's like a Covid. Like. Like a kind of like a drum.

[Francis]

Was it Ari Asteroid. It is.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Mm.

[Ronan]

It was good.

[Francis]

That's cool.

[Ronan]

You should watch it.

[Harry]

It was good.

[Francis]

And it's Joaquin Phoenix as well.

[Ronan]

Yes. It's actually like a banger.

[Francis]

I thought people kind of panned it.

[Ronan]

They kind of did. And then I watched it. Dude, the ending is like. It's a foot turns into an action movie.

[Francis]

Wow. Sick.

[Ronan]

Cool.

[Francis]

Yeah, I'm happy to hear that. I could. I could use something like that.

[Ronan]

Yeah, you should check it out.

[Francis]

That's cool.

[Ronan]

Fun one.

[Harry]

Everything go with your blood this morning?

[Francis]

Well, I don't know yet.

[Harry]

I.

[Francis]

That. So I'm been on this statin for like, three years now, and they. I went to just get another refill and they were like, hey, you need to check in with your doctor and make sure that this is still an efficacious medicine. So then they were like, yeah, we need you to take another blood test and then come in and we'll talk.

[Ronan]

To you about it to, like, make sure you can still take that med.

[Francis]

Just that it's working. Yeah.

[Harry]

You know your cholesterol is going down.

[Francis]

That it's sort of cycling this. Or I have this sticky lipid protein, of course. Serratta. Delicious.

[Ronan]

I have it too.

[Francis]

Yeah, super sticky. Great topping for a Cinnabon. And oh, my God. I went to some amazing restaurants in D.C. this weekend. There's a restaurant in D.C. called Dabney. The Dabney, buddy. One of the best that I've been to in a long time. New American. Cooked over an open fire hearth. Something so cozy about that.

[Ronan]

What's new American?

[Harry]

If you go to a restaurant and it's new American, the food's gonna be good.

[Francis]

It's good.

[Harry]

If you just search a new American.

[Ronan]

Restaurant, what is it? Like, burgers?

[Harry]

No, that's American.

[Ronan]

That's American. So what's new American?

[Harry]

Grain bowls that probably deconstructed. There's probably some, like, trout or like, some leafy salads. What were they selling?

[Francis]

Like a braised beef. They had a really, really cool. It was a sweet potato slider bun. Catfish slider. Like fried catfish slider with some slaw and stuff like that. That was unbelievable. I think that's what it was. And then we got the chicken and dumplings.

[Ronan]

Yum.

[Francis]

Which was sort of a soupy thing. Incredible.

[Harry]

Dumplings are like a half cooked biscuit in that way. Right. Or like, what's the consistency of a dump?

[Francis]

I don't even know. The way they did it was. Was unlike anything I'd ever had. It was really, really good. Their desserts were spectacular. And then their cocktails were super good. I've been on a real cocktail make and tear. I've been crushing it. In fact. In fact, I had a whole bit lined up for today that would have been really great. But I couldn't get the supplies and I tried.

[Harry]

You couldn't find any chartreuse?

[Francis]

No, I was walking around. I wanted to. After I finished talking about the book, pull out a cocktail shaker and pour you a drink and say, this is a cocktail I made. I call it the Falcon. It's my take on a watermelon lychee martini.

[Ronan]

You're coming up with your. You're coming up with your own.

[Francis]

That was my bit. That was my bit. And I would have made a non alcoholic one for you. And it would have been great.

[Ronan]

Yeah, it would have been.

[Francis]

They're getting lychee. Lychee's harder than you'd think.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

They don't have it at Whole Foods. They didn't have it at Williams Sonoma. They only had the syrup. But I wanted the actual lychees. Then you have to go to some Korean market. I don't.

[Harry]

Yeah, we're right by Koreatown.

[Francis]

We are.

[Harry]

There is a Korean Market on 32nd street or something.

[Francis]

I don't like my lychees to have dog in them. New Korean.

[Harry]

So kimchi and dog. That would have been a nice. That would have been a nice bit and would have been a great full circle. I think you should only be drinking lychee martinis. The fact that lychee martini was the straw that broke the camel's back is so preposterous.

[Francis]

I know.

[Ronan]

Well, I'm not a big lychee guy. If I'm gonna be.

[Francis]

If I'm gonna get a lychee martini. I had one when we went to Cote.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah. They're pretty good. They're fun. They're. They're good lychees.

[Ronan]

Like, very sweet. Right.

[Francis]

It's a pretty unique tasting fruit.

[Ronan]

Yeah, it's good. Yeah.

[Francis]

It's got a crunchiness to it.

[Harry]

But if it's not in a martini, what do they do it in ice cream or what else is? Like, how would you use it if not in a martini? How could you experience a lychee candy?

[Ronan]

I don't know. I've definitely had it before. Maybe I've just had the fruit.

[Francis]

Hmm.

[Harry]

There's no chance.

[Ronan]

There is a chance.

[Harry]

What even is the shape of a lychee? I've only seen the middle of.

[Francis]

It's a spiky, red, small, like, spiky red thing.

[Harry]

Oh, it's like. It looks like a damn strawberry with, like, a coconut in the middle.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Oh, it's not spiky.

[Ronan]

No. It's got a little spike. None.

[Harry]

It's not spiky, but it's not like a dragon fruit. Dragon fruit has some scary spike.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Oh, yeah.

[Ronan]

Dragon fruits. Terrifying.

[Harry]

I just want to hear, like. I just want to hear your thoughts. On what? On the book thing. I feel like people who listen to this show want to hear what you think, or at least a statement about it. A prepared statement, if you have anything prepared.

[Francis]

Yeah, I've thought a lot about it. I've kind of gone through the various stages of grief in a way. Initially, when I saw that clip of Dave sort of denouncing it, I was bummed. And then I was kind of frustrated, confused, and then ultimately accepting. And the bottom line is that there's still a lot of work to be done. I put my hand up for this challenge. I wanted this, and I knew the risks, and what I did was not satisfy. I didn't finish the job. So there's work to be done. I want to solve it, and I'm going to stay in the fight.

[Ronan]

Fuck, yeah.

[Francis]

That's good.

[Harry]

It's funny how you found out that you deleted Twitter from your phone and that you were just trying to, like, tweet something out, and then you just got hit with a barrage of the worst news possible just because you were trying to promote some stuff.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Is that what happened?

[Francis]

Well, I had deleted Twitter from my phone, and I had to post a sponsored piece of content for which was me eating the bear.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

So I went and posted that on.

[Harry]

Twitter, and he said, and now for a quick scroll.

[Francis]

Trust me. I opened it up and it was. I had the 20 plus.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

It's never notification. I ever want to see that. Boy, what does. What have I done?

[Ronan]

I haven't seen the 20 plus in a minute.

[Francis]

And then I. And then I posted it on Instagram and everyone was commenting. Dude, you're taking huge. Ls on the yak.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah, yak.

[Francis]

I'm like, what are you talking about?

[Ronan]

Never sign.

[Francis]

Yeah, man.

[Harry]

Look, you know, delete Twitter right after.

[Francis]

Yeah, it's gone again.

[Ronan]

Have to.

[Harry]

So bad news in there.

[Francis]

Window to the demise of humanity.

[Ronan]

Yeah, you don't want to be on that. I me, I've never been on it more. I'm always on.

[Harry]

Why?

[Ronan]

I don't know. I've gotten trapped.

[Harry]

Oh, you're back on Twitter.

[Ronan]

Sucked in. Can't get off of it.

[Harry]

I'm hearing good news on there. Chase. He switched something from porn to cancer being solved. He did, like, a flip the switch. Have you seen that? All, like, bone cancer is done and, like, paralysis is finished. Yeah, they're really pumping us with good news to quiet the Epstein. I know that the world's actually a good place. Why are you on it so much?

[Francis]

I don't know.

[Ronan]

And I've always been on it. It's hard to get off. But I feel like I've been good recently about getting off. And then more recently, I've. I've just get so mad that I just stay on.

[Francis]

Are you. Are you tweeting back at people? Are you adding anything?

[Harry]

No, not from Maine.

[Ronan]

Never. I got a couple burners that I'm working with.

[Francis]

The Burns. Yeah, Ken Burns.

[Ronan]

Yeah, over here.

[Harry]

Documentary on the burners.

[Ronan]

That's a great name for a couple burners. Ken Burner. You should start. You should make that your handle.

[Harry]

No, it should be Hannah Burner.

[Ronan]

Hannah Burner.

[Francis]

I literally. That was my joke.

[Ronan]

I missed it. God did.

[Francis]

Damn it. Have you seen that Key and Peele sketch? Where.

[Ronan]

Which one?

[Francis]

He's like, I wish I were high on pot.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah, of course.

[Francis]

And then the classic ends with fucking Gabriel Iglesia. Listen, I'm on tour, if you want to come.

[Ronan]

That one's so good.

[Francis]

And he comes in the door. The principal calls him in and is. Jordan Peele goes, fluffy. Fluffy.

[Harry]

It's so funny when you say you're still in the fight, Martin. What do you mean? What do you mean by that?

[Francis]

I'm still. I'm still working on it. I'm now helping Dave. My. My role has changed. You know, I'm kind of just editing, polishing a little bit, but I'm. In a very minimally invasive way. Look, this is his book. I think I probably tried to straddle two worlds a little bit, which was satisfying. You know, the story for his fans and the barstool fans who know him intimately, while also teaching and intriguing. The Hudson News airport traveler, who has seen two or three pizza reviews and says, oh, I've always been curious about that guy.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And trying to kind of Inform them. And, you know, I wrote a sort of real tale of his life. I think that it. In an autobiography.

[Harry]

Well, he wanted it in bullet points.

[Francis]

I think that. I think you could distill this down to. I tried to write more of a bio. I ended up writing more of a biography. And he wanted a true autobiography. And that's a challenge.

[Ronan]

Could you break down the difference for some of the dumber listeners like myself?

[Francis]

Well, a biography.

[Harry]

One's about cars.

[Francis]

You. You consult outside sources.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And you try to verify information and. And, you know, whatever. I also. I also, like, wrote dialogue that is imagined based on things that were said to me, but like, you know, exchanges from 20 years ago. Obviously, I don't have an audio recording of how that conversation went, but I think that the reader can normally suspend a literal belief of what's being written there for. For a bit. And it's all in the service of creating a compelling story and arc and through line. And I probably, as I'm sure many ghostwriters do, became a little enchanted with Dave and presented him, I believe, as like, a hero. And maybe. And frankly, I think Dave is just a very, like, I want the truth, I want it presented without fanfare, and I want my facts down.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And I think that his memory and his story was all. Is all that matters. And what the readers are going to get now is absolutely Dave, which is honestly a win. That's going to be the most authentic form of this book. And, you know, I added probably a few too many bells and whistles, but, like, that Felici martini thing, you know, they're all at dinner at Budokan, and it was kind of like a throwaway flourish to end a paragraph. And it was like by the time the check came or like nobody was speaking to each other by the. By the time the second round of lychee martinis had come.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And, you know, that's just like a way for me to. It's imagery to put the reader in that restaurant.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

Not like, look how gay our staff is. Look at these flaming homos. And he. By the way, I wrote lychee martini, and he was like spicy watermelon. Lychee martini was how he remembered it. And I'm like, I don't think I had all that in there. I went back and looked.

[Harry]

What's wrong with a spicy.

[Musical Outro]

You know what I mean?

[Francis]

No, honestly, I'm going to start making that. Yeah, yeah.

[Ronan]

You might have come up with something there.

[Francis]

But again, I mean what I say, like, you know, I It was a very. It wasn't my. It's not my book.

[Ronan]

Well, do you think we'll ever get the Francis cut?

[Francis]

No.

[Ronan]

What.

[Francis]

Why would we?

[Ronan]

I don't know. Maybe, like a couple years down the road.

[Harry]

You already wrote it.

[Ronan]

You just drop it one day.

[Harry]

Don't waste it. Yeah.

[Ronan]

Throw it into Google Drive.

[Harry]

Drop it like the chronic.

[Francis]

I don't want to. Look, this is Dave's autobiography. I was hired to do a task, and I. I did not deliver on that, and.

[Ronan]

Well, you're still delivering.

[Francis]

Well, the assignment has changed, and I have to set my ego aside and trust that this is the right way forward, which I believe it is. And Dave is. You know, I think we all. The whole company was built on Dave's writing. Yeah. You know what I mean? People forget that, like, for 10 years, from 2003 to 2010, the centerpiece voice of Barstool was Dave.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And then for a few years after. But at that time, he added Kevin and Keith, and then, like, two years later, Big Cat. So it became a bit more of a chorus. But throughout, you know, it was like Dave blogging 15 blogs a day. 20 blogs a day. And building this tone and thing that we have all been able to attach ourselves to. And to not have his story and book written in that almost now, looking at it from. From my perspective, feels disingenuous.

[Ronan]

Do you think you're like. Do you think you know everything about Barstool now?

[Francis]

No, probably not.

[Ronan]

You think you know more than most people here?

[Harry]

He knows more than everyone.

[Ronan]

Yeah. I think you. I think you might have, like, the full story. Story.

[Francis]

I like to think that I'm like, What's that? The giver.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah. You're kind of like the giver.

[Ronan]

Giver, of course. How so?

[Francis]

I am the keeper. I am the keeper of stories.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

I have the.

[Ronan]

I mean, the way that you were just, like, from around 2003 to 2010, it's like. I never would have got that.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

I would have guessed 2018 to 2019.

[Francis]

Yeah. Right. 1. One cool thing. One cool thing about this, the way this has gone, is that I know that Dave has followed sort of the path that I mowed in a way, and is now going through and making, you know, rewriting and making it all his own. But he did tell me that some of the things that I wrote as he read them, jogged his memory.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And allowed him to insert anecdotes that he hadn't told me when I interviewed him for the book. So if the only thing I did was shake loose a few of these unbelievably funny or unbefore heard stories from his mind such that they make it in the book. That's cool.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

You know, and there's a lot of that. There's a lot that, as I read behind him now, I'm like, holy shit. That. Yeah. Like, I'm so glad that made it. Like, that wasn't in. We didn't unearth that in my questioning.

[Harry]

So he. So he was just. So I thought that he was just starting the book from scratch and, like, this is the first day of my life out. So he's kind of just putting the Francis story through Google Translate today.

[Francis]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. If that's how. I didn't. That is not what's happening.

[Harry]

Like, you bent down all the stalks. You drove through the cornfield first, and he's just skipping.

[Francis]

I. I am not going to give myself one fucking.

[Harry]

You're in the jungle with the machete hatching. What now is I 95.

[Francis]

I think that. I think that maybe he's following the chronology of my structure at most. Which, you know, that's a silly thing to say because the whole book is chronologically oriented.

[Ronan]

I mean, I don't think it's that crazy to say also, aren't. You're still in. You're still fully involved in the book.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah, I'm polishing.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Polishing is the most generous term I could use, I don't think.

[Ronan]

I think you're being too hard on yourself.

[Francis]

Cleaning now, doing a little dusting.

[Ronan]

Now you're polishing.

[Francis]

No, I'm not moving commas. I mean, I'm deleting the three spaces. Sometimes it's three, sometimes it's four, sometimes it's two. I don't really know like, how heavy.

[Ronan]

His thumb is on the spacebar.

[Francis]

I don't really understand that.

[Harry]

Every sentence he's fucking.

[Francis]

I did this for like 20, 30 pages. And then I was like, wait a minute, there's an easier way to do this. And I went into. I did control F, like, find. And then I did period space. Space. And it was like, there are 3,400 instances of this. So I replaced them all with period space.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And then as I was going, I was like, oh, there's another one. And this one was three spaces.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

So you realize, you know, whatever.

[Ronan]

Well, what is the reasoning behind that?

[Harry]

He said his mom was like a typing teacher and.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Well, I remember when I took typing.

[Francis]

You had to do two. It comes from typewriters. Typewriters.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

There was something about typewriters where you had to hit it twice to get, to get ahead.

[Ronan]

I don't, I don't know what it is because I remember learning that, taking typing in fifth grade. I remember learning that. And then I never remembered it, like, because no one uses it until I started a bar stool. I saw Dave doing it.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

And I was like, there's got to be a reason that he's doing that.

[Francis]

Yeah. I think that, you know, look, the one thing that I was really disappointed about wasn't so much that, like, the book I wrote won't see the light of day. The reason I did this and wanted to do this, frankly, was to prove my worth and loyalty to Dave.

[Ronan]

Yeah. But I think that's accomplished, bro.

[Francis]

I. I, like, I thought if I did this well and spent this much. I've spent hundreds of hours on this. Yeah. I wrote 320 pages.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

That were polished and repolished and sent to the editor and written back into a second draft. And, like, I really did work my dick off on this. And I was pleased and thought I had done well. And I thought that when my contract is up in September, perhaps this book would serve as a mark in my favorite. Whether to ask for a raise or to be in good standing here at the company. I'm. I'm pretty sure I now owe Dave.

[Harry]

That's for wasting my time.

[Francis]

In fact, that blood I took today, that's going straight to him. That's going into the Dave fund. I need to raise money to pay my boss back. The amount of time I wasted.

[Harry]

Him.

[Francis]

Him and me. The other part of it, that is a bummer, too. And again, this is all my fault. But people have been kind of like, I wrote that Pat Bev blog. And some people were like, we wish you wrote more, or, it's been six months since your last blog. I was writing thousands and thousands of words and basically imagine hundreds of blogs comprised into this book. The reason I haven't written a blog is because I was writing up a storm.

[Ronan]

Yeah. But I'm sure Dave knows that.

[Francis]

Well, that. But my point is that for the, the readers and people who like my writing and I like writing for them, I lost a year.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Of. Of output to them. So I feel bad about that.

[Ronan]

I feel like there's still something that you could do with the book, like.

[Harry]

Put Sass's name as Dave's and just put it out.

[Ronan]

Or maybe not even that, but, like, you could, like, release or, like, like, do funny, like, breakdowns of certain paragraphs or something. If you. I mean, you have to ask.

[Harry]

Or do, like, Taylor's version.

[Francis]

I think that if you. If you were to somehow put my thing out, it made. Might water down the singularity of his version. I don't know. And I wouldn't want to do that. I serve at the pleasure of my president.

[Harry]

God damn.

[Francis]

And as I said, I'm gonna stay in the fight until they don't need me anymore. And try not to keep fucking shit up.

[Harry]

I think that you're not. You're not keeping fucking shit up.

[Ronan]

I think you're giving. You're giving yourself too much of a hard time. Yeah.

[Harry]

You're not done with the grieving process.

[Francis]

Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. You know, my time at barstool has been checkered. My time here has been checkered. Ups and downs, as is the case for so many. But I think that in my first iteration here, my first generation, I got very arrogant, and I was seen as putting. Putting my. Myself first and not being a company man and, you know, using barstool as a stepping stone and all that. I got fired, went out in the world, was humbled, came back and have tried to change the narrative about myself. And I think that this book I truly hoped and viewed would serve to stand as. As the absolute proof that, you know, I was. I was a company man and I was doing something specifically to immortalize Dave and put everything on, all my chips into that bucket. And it fucking backfired, man. It really fucking backfired. And, like, I. I just sometimes feel like, man, I. I am ramming my head into a brick wall over and over. And even when I try to do it the right way, truly, I tried to do this the exact right way. I was early on all my deadlines. I fucking had a strong correspondence with the editors and was. Was asking all these different sources and going about this with. With real, like, fucking dedication and passion, and he hated it. He fucking hated it.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

But I. And it was a year. It took me a year, dude. I spent. So you cannot imagine.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

How in the weeds I was on this and how diligent I was about the work on this book.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And for there to be an audience of one and for them to say it's bad after you spend a year on it is like a Grecian tragedy.

[Francis]

It's just.

[Harry]

It'd be nice if, like, the market could tell you it was bad, but you'll actually just never know because you Only got the one person to taste your dish.

[Francis]

But. Yeah, that's why I don't know, the only person that matters. He was the judge, jury, and executioner. And I knew that, and I fell short. I failed to impress the one person that mattered. So it's a failure. It's a failure on my part.

[Ronan]

I mean, but it's a tough person to impress.

[Francis]

I knew that when I put my hand up. Yeah. So I said, I want this job.

[Ronan]

You definitely made it further than, like, 99 or anyone at the company could have.

[Francis]

I do think there's truth to that. I do think that whatever I did, that any other ghostwriter out there, or probably person at the company would. Would have. Would have been far farther away from the. The desired product than. Than I was. But it doesn't change the fact that, you know, as he put it, I didn't even make it through a page.

[Ronan]

Well, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. It's. He's tough to please. And you're. You definitely did everything you could.

[Harry]

He didn't make it through a page, but so was the lychee martini. Spicy watermelon.

[Ronan]

Was that on the first page?

[Francis]

Cracked it open, saw that was like.

[Harry]

This in the middle.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I think he might. Maybe. What if he might just be bullshitting about that? He might have read the whole thing.

[Francis]

I think he read more than. Than. Than he let on.

[Harry]

Well, you'll hear about it at your contract negotiation. No, I think that you'll be in pretty good standing. But I felt for you when I heard the news because I know how hard you've been working on it, and I wish everybody knew. That's why he's been upstate. Yeah, that and the fucking Zaza. Of course.

[Francis]

That.

[Ronan]

Good Kush. Your plug hit me up this weekend.

[Francis]

He's a good guy.

[Ronan]

He was like. I hook up Francis regularly.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Send me your mailing info.

[Francis]

Yeah. And what did you. You didn't know? Why not?

[Ronan]

I can't be getting just packages dropped off at the house, Right.

[Francis]

That'll be stolen by that weird child that walks.

[Harry]

Exactly.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

You need a P.O. box for the bush.

[Ronan]

Exactly. Yeah, it's true.

[Harry]

That's like a good way to funnel.

[Ronan]

It through one of those Amazon boxes.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

There's. There has to be drug trafficking going on in them.

[Ronan]

Yeah, definitely.

[Harry]

I think the Amazon drivers give a.

[Ronan]

To the Amazon drivers probably drop off like bombs daily, and they just don't even know.

[Harry]

Just like children.

[Ronan]

Humans. Yeah, humans in boxes.

[Francis]

Well, that was what the silk Road was.

[Ronan]

Yes, The Silk Road.

[Francis]

You know about that?

[Ronan]

No.

[Harry]

There's a Penn State guy.

[Francis]

Yes. Yes. And Trump just pardoned him.

[Harry]

Yeah, he's out.

[Francis]

Who is it? This guy created a. Like, a dark web marketplace for people to sell drugs.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And, like, hitmen.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Like, you could.

[Francis]

This is what. Yeah.

[Ronan]

So just he. He. Did he create the dark web or he just, like, made it better?

[Harry]

He was. He was an early adopter, but it. But he also, like, you could be a lot of drugs and just like. Yeah, he spent nastiness.

[Francis]

Initially. It was. He. He's very libertarian to the point of almost being, like, an anarchist.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

And believes that government regulation of any kind is. Is so bad that people should be able to buy drugs if they want and all of that. But, of course, initially it started with weed and then coke and all that. And then he was like, all right, we're going to put guns on here now. And then people were buying guns, and then it was like, God, even.

[Ronan]

Yeah, of course.

[Francis]

It's like, anything goes.

[Ronan]

Yeah. What about a person?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

What if we put a person on here?

[Francis]

Someone recommended the book to me about this, and I read 90% of it, but I hate to say this, that book was so badly written and was so, like, bubblegum popcorny. Like, every chapter ended with some version of, like. But if he thought he'd seen the last of him, he had another thing coming. Like, dude, this is pulpy. Episodic cliffhangers suck.

[Ronan]

Yeah. That doesn't do it for me.

[Harry]

That's why I was good. I was glad that you're right. Or I was excited for you to write that book is because I know you read a lot of books, so you know what good books look and sound like.

[Francis]

Yeah, I would. Every day that I was writing, I would start my day reading for one hour, and I was waking up. I mean, I was waking up early. I was like. So just to, like, warm my brain up to the. To the process of the writing. Yeah. Get my head around some words, which was cool. That was a cool way to do it. I like doing that.

[Harry]

Would you ever read a word and be like, I'm using that?

[Francis]

No. Again? Well, I don't think so. Maybe. Maybe unknowingly.

[Harry]

Assuage.

[Francis]

Yeah. Now, see, like, I don't think I used too many words like that, but.

[Harry]

Yeah, the Silk Road, bro. You got to get on the Silk Road.

[Ronan]

I got to. You know, I'm big into my conspiracies and whatnot.

[Harry]

It's not a conspiracy.

[Ronan]

I think there's like everything's a conspiracy.

[Harry]

Well, like they. It was just discovered to be true. Like he was. There were murder for hire plots going on on his website.

[Ronan]

That's not good. You can't have that happen. That doesn't. Nothing like that happens on my website. Harry set a website dot com.

[Harry]

What are you selling on there again?

[Ronan]

What cities right now? Nothing. Well, soon to be Arlington and Cleveland.

[Harry]

You should traffic a little bit on there.

[Ronan]

Detroit, just like a lot.

[Harry]

Just try trafficking.

[Ronan]

It's not a bad idea.

[Harry]

Probably feel good.

[Ronan]

Just get some guns up there. Just like tour dates don't tell set guns. Guns for sale.

[Harry]

There's got to be like dead stuff.

[Francis]

Stock magazines.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah. And then if you go over to the other tab, I've got my blueprints for 3D printed weapons.

[Francis]

Click on the contact. You see that link for my agent's email. Just trust me, you're going to want.

[Harry]

To find plastic printed Desert Eagle. That would be so nice.

[Francis]

Yeah. So the last thing I would say, and I know I've said that a couple times, but please, by all means. You know, that clip came out midweek Tuesday or Wednesday and it was like, fuck, that sucks. And then it was like, all right, well, tomorrow or two days from now, I'm going to D.C. for five shows. Sold out shows at the Improv.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

And this may sound like I'm being sore about it, but fundamentally I actually believe this, which is things have gone. I have so much to be happy about and so much good going my way that to linger on a loss, even. Even a big one feels ungrateful. And it was just like I shook myself out of it and was like, dude, go, go. You know, Right. The ship. But we got a lot to do. Stay, stay. Moving forward.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

[Francis]

And that was really helpful.

[Ronan]

On to Cincinnati.

[Francis]

And then I went and saw. I went and saw my niece and nephew and had a major breakthrough with them.

[Ronan]

Oh yeah.

[Francis]

They really came out of their shell and we played a lot.

[Ronan]

It's great.

[Harry]

What was the breakthrough?

[Francis]

They've just been like shy around me a little bit. You know, I tried to get them to watch the ring with me and they're five and three, so that was probably a mistake. But no, we, we played this game where they've turned their basement into like a playroom.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And they like built this ramp. Ramp of whatever. And then there's a beanbag at the end. And they would line up and run down the ramp and I would throw a ball at them and they would try to Make a diving catch into the mean.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah, it's fun.

[Francis]

We did that for like hours. Yeah, it's really, really fun.

[Ronan]

It's always a good time.

[Harry]

So nice diving. It is tough that you'd think that they would pick they take to you right away.

[Francis]

Well, I mean, listen, I'm not everyone's cup of tea.

[Harry]

My dad. No, my dad came over for the super bowl yesterday and one of my kids was just like, like starting crying. My dad's been there since the day. Second day you were alive. And suddenly they just decide that they don't with people.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Guys, let's take a second and talk about game time. The game time app gives the advantage back to the fans with constant innovation. And that's how you unlock amazing tickets and experience in just a few taps. So simple to use. And the game time guarantee means you're getting 100% authentic tickets every single time. It's just a couple strokes of the finger, like you're casting a spell. Tap, tap, tap. And suddenly you're at an Olivia Dean concert or watching the funniest bastard you've ever seen at a comedy show. Much less perhaps. Baseball season is coming up. Pretty exciting. And it's of course the fees are included. So every time you see, you know, you go in and you want to go to the NBA all star game, what you see is what you get, you know, and you could be going to that all star weekend. It's, you know, 60 bucks to get into the celebrity game. That's pretty good. And it's all on game time every single time. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with every event at game time. Download the gametime app, create an account and use code BOYDAD for $20 off. Your first purchase terms apply. Again, create an account, redeem code BOYDAD $20 off. Download the Gametime app today. Alrighty.

[Ronan]

Let's talk about factor. Cold days, big goals, no time to cook. Factor makes healthy eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs. So eat well without planning or cooking quality functional ingredients including lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole food ingredients and healthy fats. No refined sugars or artificial sweeteners, no refined seed oils. Meals that fit your goals and schedule. Healthier eating, calorie management, more protein. There's a hundred rotating weekly meals to keep things fresh and delicious through the winter. Options include high protein calorie, smart Mediterranean diet, GLP1 support and ready to eat salads. Head to factor meals.com sun50off and use code SUN50OFF. To get 50% off your free break end. Free breakfast for a year.

[Harry]

What?

[Ronan]

Free breakfast for a year with Factor. Eat like a pro this month with Factor. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. One free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active.

[Francis]

Guys, I've been using a new dating app called the League and I'll tell you what it is awesome. Everything on the League is much more intentional. The people that I am being presented with are far more substantial and they, the league do an unbelievable job of curating the, the selections, the matches, these things that, that you get presented with each day. So like they're kind of taking the guesswork out for you and there's there. It's almost like you're starting ahead of the game by, by having more in common and meeting people that are more interested in the same things and having higher caliber interest with you than, than if you were just blindly swiping. I've, I've seen some really compelling, wonderful people on there and I am currently trying to get a date. Love it. So I would say that this is probably the most, I don't know the dating app I've seen and used that is has the highest likelihood of leading to a more, more long term relationship and meaningful connection. Anyway, the League is thoughtfully curated to keep the community high quality and intentional. They keep the riff raff out. Okay, nobody with a history of terrorism in there as far as I can tell. Not that I'd know.

[Harry]

Guy. Looking at their profile, they maybe don't lead with that. No, they might not. But I'm pretty sure there's no terrorists on there.

[Francis]

I'm hoping this isn't about exclusivity. It's about efficiency and quality. So guys, people date in a way that respects your time and your standards. Join me on the League, download the app and apply today.

[Harry]

Hey guys, let's talk about Kraken for a quick second. This February, funding your Kraken account could earn you a serious bonus. From February 2nd to March 2nd, Kraken will match 3% of your net deposits capped at $1 million. That's up to $30,000 in bonus value just for moving cash or crypto to Kraken. To join, opt in through the Kraken app and make sure there's an auto earn turned on when you do. So just turn on auto earn. After that you're in. Just deposit, hold and earn your match. They're basically giving you, I mean up to $30,000. Sounds amazing. And your bonus lands after the promo ends, so make sure you're locking into. It's already a great service for you, but at the same time, think about these potential extra earnings. Who couldn't use 30, 30 grand extra, if you know what I mean? Learn more about kraken.comfdm Terms apply, not investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss and is offered to US customers, excluding New York and Maine through PayWord Interactive Incorporated.

[Ronan]

Bomb ass super bowl, huh? Bum Super Bowl.

[Francis]

Let's talk Super Bowl. First of all, Roan, how was San Fran?

[Harry]

Oh, yeah, it was fucking great.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I can't believe they have food out there.

[Francis]

I know.

[Harry]

Did you see people being online being like, holy fuck, there's like fucking sunshine out here?

[Ronan]

Pat McAfee. Pat McAfee was like, it's actually, it's great. It's a great city.

[Francis]

It's really nice.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I love San Francis. Awesome.

[Harry]

Yeah, I think it's awesome, too. There's so many nice nooks.

[Ronan]

Yeah, it's a fun city.

[Harry]

But then I saw Jake Malasek saying, nice people. He said he got back to, like, Orlando and there's nobody, like, bent over in half. He was really made about it.

[Ronan]

You sure about that? And yeah, first take a lap around the street. I'm pretty sure, like, Orlando's way.

[Harry]

Or maybe he's probably somewhere that's not Orlando. But I, I also that people get. People get slumped over in cities.

[Francis]

Oh, yeah, that's.

[Harry]

They go to good cities the same.

[Ronan]

You get up, every arrangement happens.

[Francis]

Cities are tiring.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Sometimes you need to bend at the waist and catch your breath for an entire day.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Get some blood to the head.

[Harry]

Their hamstrings are probably so loose you can't forward fold.

[Francis]

Sometimes you have to tie your shoes for seven straight hours. You know what it is?

[Ronan]

One of my buddies texted me this morning and said that he took an edible last night before going to a Super bowl party that he thought was going to be like three people. And he said he got there and it was like people's parents and like, families were there. And he said at one point he was. He was so high that he had to go into the bathroom and put his feet on the wall to try to get blood to his head because he thought he was gonna pass out high on what?

[Francis]

What the.

[Harry]

He had both feet on the wall. Like he was wedged like a hallway of a middle school bathroom.

[Ronan]

Yeah. So he took like a 10 milligram edible. He doesn't smoke.

[Francis]

What? Wow. Yeah, that would be heavy. Yeah, that's heavy.

[Ronan]

You thought it was gonna Be like him and two friends.

[Harry]

It's like a guidance counselor there.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

That's brutal. Parents should just be in line with it, though. Now, like, parents just have to be, like, fine with people getting fried. They just can't be. You can't be stodgy about it anymore. No, they gotta get with the times.

[Francis]

It is weird, though, that some weed really makes your eyes more bloodshot than others. And that is such a telltale sign. I think if they could find a way to. To breed that out, that would be Right.

[Harry]

They do indicas and sativas, but maybe just bloodshot and not.

[Francis]

Yeah, get. Get a weed that doesn't make your eyes red. And then after that, they can tackle the dry mouth.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

Dreaded dry mouth, man.

[Ronan]

Just keep on modifying it genetically.

[Harry]

Yeah, we need Monsanto to get their hands on this one. More GMOs in the weed space would actually make me enjoy it more.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

How is everything? You cook cooked? Weren't you. Didn't you have a. You said you had a sick day. A game plan for yesterday. You're gonna go do a insane workout, and then you're gonna make salat and do your prayer to Mecca.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And then you said that you were cooking.

[Francis]

I did not.

[Harry]

Oh, you were ordering Thai food. That's what it was.

[Francis]

Yeah. I did not work out. I ordered it up. I ended up ordering Chinese because I haven't had Chinese in a long time. Yeah, but this was Szechuan. Is that the right way to say that?

[Harry]

Yeah. Right?

[Francis]

And it had that pepper in it that makes your mouth numb.

[Harry]

I fucking love that. Dude.

[Francis]

When you drink water afterwards, it tastes like lemon juice.

[Harry]

Yeah, it tastes like you're licking a jungle gym.

[Ronan]

I don't know if I've ever had Szechuan.

[Harry]

It's amazing.

[Ronan]

Outside of the Rick and Morty, I.

[Francis]

Don'T know how I feel about that collab with McDonald's numb mouth thing.

[Ronan]

No, I fucking hate that. What was that drink that we tried on the yak that was like. What was it like Conva or some. Oh, no, remember, we had it and it was like brown mud and you drank it and made your mouth all numb.

[Harry]

I don't know. I don't remember that.

[Ronan]

We, like, ordered it from, like, the Maga. The Maga place.

[Harry]

There's a Maga Conva spot.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I remember we were looking at, like, reviews for it.

[Harry]

I don't think I know it. A Maga place that makes your. Your face, your mouth.

[Ronan]

It's like a weird, like, drink it's like some bowl, like Kratom.

[Harry]

Oh, it sounds nice, though.

[Ronan]

No, it was awful. I hated it.

[Harry]

What was the name?

[Ronan]

I don't like my mouth being numb.

[Harry]

Oh, I love it.

[Ronan]

I hate it.

[Harry]

I just like a sensation. Just give me like a light sensation, like a little extra. It makes you feel alive.

[Ronan]

No, I hate it. Like getting like novocaine.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's nice. Hell, when I got my nose that. When I got my turbanite reduction, my nose, My front teeth were numb for weeks. And it's just like doing cocaine without the cocaine gummies. What's your. What dish did you order?

[Francis]

Well, I ordered from Birds of a Feather.

[Harry]

Oh, nice.

[Francis]

Have you had that?

[Harry]

Yes.

[Francis]

Yeah, it's good. But that's the one. It was the three chili chicken.

[Harry]

Oh, I'm about to order that tonight.

[Francis]

They said they did Five Alarm Spice, which sounds like I should have known better. But then there was another one that was like spicy Kung Ping Chicken. And that one was like Atomic Waste spice or something. So I was like, well, the. Clearly then the 3 chili one is probably the medium.

[Ronan]

I have a theory that I don't think that any of that foreign is as spicy as, like really hot wings.

[Francis]

Maybe not.

[Ronan]

I feel like I try to have the spicy stuff when I get like Thai or Indian and never really fucks me up. Like a.

[Harry]

Like, the first time I went to Sema, it fucking lit my life semi.

[Francis]

It can really.

[Harry]

But then the second time I went back, it was like, like, yeah, I had the.

[Ronan]

I went to an Indian place a couple months ago and I got vindaloo.

[Francis]

Oh, well, that can be nuts.

[Ronan]

And the guy was like, this is really spicy. And I was like, let's try it. And it wasn't that bad. I ate the whole thing. But then if I have like a buffalo wing that's like, got hot buffalo sauce on it, I'm like, destroyed. I'm like, I can't breathe. Like, I lose my mind.

[Francis]

I wanna. I want to go to an Indian place with you. Challenge this theory of yours.

[Ronan]

I'm down. I'm down. I don't think anything at, like, one of those places is going to be stronger than like, like, remember when we had like, the gummy bear?

[Harry]

That was. That wasn't.

[Ronan]

I think, like, once you have that, it's like nothing's bad anymore. Like, that's like you're walking away. Like your stomach feels like someone, like, is like, squeezing it apart.

[Francis]

I want to have. I want to go somewhere. Somewhere. Some hole in the wall Indian place. This was where they're like, Indian place. They're like, like, just. And just be like, yo, you got.

[Harry]

Like, some place that doesn't even have utensils in the back.

[Ronan]

Yeah, no, I don't want you to.

[Harry]

It just has a guy with his forearm.

[Francis]

The bathroom is just a hole in the floor.

[Harry]

That would be so nice.

[Francis]

Authentic Mumbai.

[Ronan]

Like, the vindaloo. Like, I remember. I got it. And the dude was like, they. We had, like, some green sauce before, and he was like, this is. This is spicy. And he's like, the vindaloo.

[Harry]

It's 10.

[Ronan]

Like, this is five. That's vindaloo's 10.

[Harry]

That green sauce is not spicy.

[Ronan]

Not spicy at all.

[Francis]

Oh, man, I'm so excited. This stuff.

[Ronan]

I had the vindaloo, and it wasn't bad.

[Harry]

But are we gonna have biryani night instead of steak night this time? Chicken biryani night.

[Francis]

I like that.

[Ronan]

I had. I remember when I lived in. When I first moved to New York and I lived in East Village. I remember one of my roommates got ordered Thai food, and he had leftover sauce, and he was like, this shit's super spicy. Like, you can use it if you want. I'm not gonna use it. And then I made food. I made dinner because I was cooking for myself at that time, and I. I made, like, chicken, rice, veggies, whatever, and I took the sauce and I just dumped it into the pan, and I literally couldn't eat it. Like, one thing of rice would, like, destroy you. Like, it was, like, the spiciest shit I've ever had.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Ronan]

I had to remake dinner. Like, I had to fully redo the entire dinner.

[Francis]

I don't disagree with the crux of your point, which is that I can handle Indian spice better than I can handle certainly Mexican spice. Like, when they're going heavy on the habaneros and the.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Those types. And going into, like, Whatever. Grim reaper peppers or whatever the. Yeah. All that. Then that is. That is the stuff that will. Yeah. Make you hallucinate.

[Ronan]

I mean, I had to eat a fight to eat a raw habanero on the act. Like, just take a bite out of one. And I was like. I was on the verge of tears.

[Francis]

Yeah, right.

[Ronan]

Screaming, that'll you up. Yeah.

[Harry]

But you're saying that the Indians. I still have, like, a little mango lassi, and you're. You're good to go.

[Francis]

I still think that the Indians, they got some crank. I think they got some stuff going on that you haven't even become.

[Ronan]

You think he, like, Went easy on me. Like, they were like. We got another white guy claiming he wants the spicy vindaloo again. Give him the tomato sauce.

[Harry]

I give him the prego.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I mean, it was spicy as fuck, but I enjoyed it.

[Francis]

I want you to eat some. I want to be with you when you eat something from an Indian restaurant that you do not enjoy.

[Harry]

And I want to be cross legged on the floor.

[Ronan]

I'm down.

[Harry]

I want there to be a guy in the back who hasn't put his arm down for 47 years.

[Francis]

Fingernails look like a treble cleft.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I would definitely try it. The.

[Harry]

The.

[Ronan]

The shit that I don't even want to try is like the hot ones. Like the Da Bomb one. Da Bomb? Yeah, you see that? It's like the grenade.

[Francis]

Well, they sell those all now at. There's a great. There's a great hot sauce store in Chelsea Market.

[Ronan]

Really?

[Francis]

That I bought some hot sauce from.

[Ronan]

You know, I'm an enthusiast.

[Francis]

Yeah, they have an unbelievable. They have all of the ones from.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I've seen the Da Bomb one in stores, but that one apparently is like, it's not even like edible. Like, apparently that's just like a combination of chemicals that are going to kill you.

[Francis]

I have literally had this fear. I've had this fear in my life of I really hope I don't become so famous that I do hot ones.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah, I would, I would decline.

[Francis]

I'm like, I'm like, that. That is such an unbelievably insane cart before the horse fear.

[Ronan]

No, I've definitely, like.

[Harry]

I hope I don't have to eat a bunch of.

[Francis]

I know that I won't be able to say no because it's such a big show and everyone does it. You gotta do it. But my God, no.

[Ronan]

I don't got that in me.

[Francis]

I can't handle spicy food at all.

[Ronan]

I can handle it, but I don't have it in me to the point where like, I could be on camera. Like once. It's too. Like, my thing is, like, I can handle hot food, but once it's too.

[Harry]

Hot, you gotta leave.

[Ronan]

I'm like a gigantic pussy. Like, I can't. I can't do it.

[Harry]

You gotta call your mom.

[Francis]

Do you think there's anyone who tells him beforehand, just so you know, I can't and then they like fix it for them?

[Ronan]

No, but I think there's definitely been people that have like bailed like a certain amount of time in. I think they probably just do what they can with it. Like maybe there's there's probably where they're like, just a heads up. There's no way I'm making it to the last one.

[Francis]

I think there are. I've seen episodes. I mean, it seems to me that the early ones, nobody. It was all straight legit.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And because people are, like, in trouble.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Have you ever seen the Joey Diaz one?

[Francis]

No.

[Ronan]

It's so funny.

[Francis]

No, I didn't see that one.

[Ronan]

And the Bill Burr one's really funny, too. That's the one where he's like, if you drink that. He's like. He was like, he's freaking out. And the host is like, you should have some of the milk. And he's like, I'm not drinking the milk. He's like, you drink the milk. That's how ISIS wins.

[Harry]

I saw Stavros showed up with like 20 packs of individual ranch dressing.

[Ronan]

Really?

[Harry]

He just had like a plastic bag of bodega ranch dressing or some.

[Ronan]

It's smart. I mean, that's like, you need that once you're in. Because it's like once you're in it, you can't get out. Like, once you're in that. That hot food, like, there's just.

[Francis]

It.

[Ronan]

It lasts for 30 minutes.

[Francis]

Plus the movie. The descent.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

The only way out is to go through.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Keep going.

[Harry]

I think you'll still make it on the hot ones.

[Ronan]

Definitely. I worry maybe it'll be after this episode. Maybe they'll be like, like, oh, we didn't know Francis wanted to come on.

[Harry]

I am worried that if we have. If you're. We're putting this out into the universe that Harry wants to try. Spicy Indian. That we're going to have people be like, I know a place and they'll fucking light you up.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

They'll, like, give you something that's, like, dangerous on purpose, as opposed to you just going to an Indian restaurant and getting something pretty spicy.

[Ronan]

Yeah. I think that's just what we'll do.

[Francis]

We'll do it that way.

[Ronan]

Yeah. We don't have to take recommendations from our freak listeners.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Trying to kill me.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah. Speaking of our listeners, people were mad and messaging me that they were mad. Maybe. Did I say this already in this episode? They were mad that we didn't put an episode out to address the book stuff immediately.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. People were mad about that.

[Francis]

It's like, well, Ronan had to go.

[Ronan]

To San Fran to do work. Yeah.

[Francis]

And we prepared for that by banking, which is what we had to do, you know?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Unfortunately, Roan in Particular. We have. We have other stuff we got to do.

[Ronan]

Yeah. So job's got to get done.

[Francis]

We do our best.

[Harry]

I just wish Dave would have gave me a heads up and been like, hey, listen, I'm gonna trash Francis this.

[Ronan]

Week because it could have been nice, honestly. Just let us save it till Monday.

[Harry]

Yeah, Save it.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Give us something to talk about.

[Harry]

Yeah. Just give us something fresh to chew on while the emotions are still hot. Stand back. Standby.

[Ronan]

Honestly.

[Harry]

But he wouldn't stand back or stand by.

[Ronan]

No, no. There's a lot of people that were telling me I was gonna. I was gonna get fired for the. My comments about Israel.

[Francis]

People. People were mad that I sat by and let you say that. And I was like, he's Jewish. What the fuck would I say? How can I regulate that?

[Harry]

Yeah, well, that's what Israel wants.

[Ronan]

I feel like I really can't claim Jew at this time.

[Harry]

You have to.

[Ronan]

I feel like it's like I can't talk. You can't talk shit about Israel and then be like, I'm allowed to say it. I'm half Jewish.

[Harry]

No, that's the. That's the cheat code.

[Ronan]

I don't think me saying anything about.

[Harry]

Israel, it's like saying, I have black friends.

[Ronan]

No.

[Harry]

I could be racist. My friends are black.

[Ronan]

I know. It's exactly like saying that.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Which is why I'm not trying to say it.

[Harry]

Well, I think you should. I think. No, it gives you the ultimate cheat code.

[Francis]

Were you bar mitzvah?

[Ronan]

No. Oh, I'm not Jewish.

[Harry]

Other side. Yes, he is. You're half Jewish.

[Ronan]

I'm in my DNA. IMG Jewish. Like 40 or something like that. Probably more.

[Harry]

People can criticize their. Their governments and they don't lose their religious identity.

[Ronan]

Exactly, exactly.

[Harry]

That's all I'm saying.

[Ronan]

Well, I'm just saying. I'm not saying it. I'm not saying that. And then being like, by the way.

[Harry]

It would give more power to what you're saying.

[Ronan]

Yeah, but that's why I'm not trying to be that guy, because I can't be that. I'm not.

[Harry]

Listen, I'm Jewish.

[Ronan]

I can't be like, guys, I'm finally going to speak up about my people. I don't think I'm that guy.

[Francis]

Is this where I'm supposed to intervene? Yeah. Is this the moment? Is this where you would have me speak up first? He claimed he was only 40% Jewish, and I said nothing.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Oh, man. Why were people mad at you? What. What were they like?

[Francis]

People think that I'm Harry's handler.

[Ronan]

Not a lot of emotions flying. So Uno was like. She was like, yeah, everyone says you won't do anything. And I was like, because everyone asks Ron and Francis if I can do them.

[Harry]

Yeah. So many. She asked me a million times.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

People ask you first and get nothing. And then they come to us.

[Ronan]

They know you got to be couple. Couple texts. This can't just be one.

[Harry]

Can't be too easy.

[Ronan]

No. It's got to be one and then.

[Harry]

A follow up and like a really annoying.

[Ronan]

Expect a date change.

[Harry]

And then like. But like, he's too scared to say no.

[Francis]

So you will get that. My stomach is going to be in shamble. First time we try to do this. I'm not going to be on time.

[Ronan]

Expect the first date to not work. No matter what.

[Harry]

No matter what. Good God.

[Ronan]

But yeah, I mean, you know, Patriots are terrible. I'm not really that worried about the Patriots.

[Harry]

I will say Drake may look so much like he belongs in your friend group.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Face is just exactly the same as like the rest of theirs. Like, if you just face mash the three of them, it would turn into Drake May.

[Ronan]

I think the problem is we need. I think what we need to have happen. I think we need Drake May to come back next season with a man.

[Francis]

Face or he needs to put some muscle on. I think he needs to put on some weight. Yeah, I do. If he's going to scramble the way that he does and they're not going to fix their O line, they have.

[Ronan]

To fix their O line.

[Francis]

He needs to. He needs to bulk up.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I think he needs to put on 15 pounds of muscle in the off season.

[Harry]

I don't hate that war path.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Is there a chance that. Is it true that Cardi B and Stefan Diggs unfollowed each other after the game?

[Ronan]

I don't know. I saw that too. I'm not. I'm not sure if that's real or not.

[Harry]

I heard it was real.

[Ronan]

I think it might be real. I saw that interview of her. Been there. Like, they're like, do you have anything to say to Stefan before the big game? Just goes, good luck.

[Francis]

Damn.

[Harry]

Wasn't it wasn't at the beginning of the week, wasn't he like, yeah, I might propose to her.

[Ronan]

I don't know. I mean, I think he had to go straight to court after the game.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Literally, like, I think he had to take like a 6am flight and go right to courthouse.

[Harry]

I mean, he was. He must have been during the Week. That's the only thing that could piss off Cardi.

[Ronan]

I think he was. I don't think we were. We were a mess going into this game. I mean, we got two of our players are going to prison. Like, that's not a good start. Like, they're not. It's not like they're just playing the Super Bowl. Like, they're like, this is probably my last game ever.

[Harry]

They got a self report.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Before I go to jail.

[Harry]

25Th hour.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

What? Who's the other one?

[Ronan]

Barrymore, Bart. How do you say his name?

[Harry]

Christian Barmore.

[Ronan]

Barmore, the D tackle. Yeah.

[Harry]

What's he. What's he going to jail for?

[Ronan]

Had a tad too much fun.

[Harry]

Domestic violence.

[Ronan]

He was up to no good. He got it. He got in trouble that. He got in trouble the same time Diggs did.

[Francis]

Oh, really?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And they said, let will let you play the playoffs.

[Francis]

Yes.

[Ronan]

Literally.

[Harry]

They moved.

[Ronan]

They moved the hearing until right after the super.

[Harry]

Was it a Boston judge? He's just like, go win it.

[Ronan]

Yeah, they're getting life. They're definitely getting life after yesterday. If you're going back to Boston like that, that is the worst court date of all time.

[Harry]

They're like, huh? One reception. Yeah. 19 yards.

[Ronan]

Oh, you had five yards the whole game. That's life in prison.

[Harry]

Oh, man.

[Ronan]

Yeah. But I mean, I'm not. I'm not, like, I'm not devastated about the game. I think we lost in the most rip the band aid off way possible. Like I was saying when we. When we were in the second half, I think it was like seven minutes left in the third quarter, and we started making that run down the field and we had already scored the first touchdown when he.

[Harry]

Yeah, before he threw that interception.

[Ronan]

Yeah, like, when that happened, before he threw that pick, I was like getting. Then I started getting nervous because now, like, now. Yeah, now we're gonna come back and we're gonna end up up like a two point conversion and losing the game. So. And once that pick happened, it was like, okay, classes dismissed.

[Harry]

Let me see what Kid Rock's talking about.

[Ronan]

Yeah, exactly. Head on over to the Turning Point. Get in the chat.

[Harry]

Bad bunnies. Gay.

[Ronan]

Did you tune in the TPA usa?

[Francis]

What's that?

[Ronan]

The Turning Point halftime show. They had like, they held like another. A separate halftime show.

[Harry]

Alternate broadcast with Kid Rock. If you wanted to see someone speak American.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Interesting. No, I did not.

[Ronan]

I. I don't think anyone did.

[Francis]

What was that on tpusa. What's that up? You're not subscribed Website?

[Ronan]

I have no idea.

[Francis]

Or is it a channel?

[Ronan]

I genuinely don't know. I would assume. I think it's just on YouTube. Oh, yeah, commercials.

[Francis]

Awful. Oh, I thought there were some good ones.

[Ronan]

The dirty Jew one.

[Harry]

What?

[Francis]

Well, that one was.

[Harry]

You can't say that.

[Francis]

Jesus.

[Ronan]

That's what it was. That's what was on the commercial. No one says that until they put out the commercial.

[Harry]

Two out of three people say.

[Ronan]

Yeah, apparently. Yeah, that's a real stat. 70% of the world.

[Francis]

No, I really liked the Wells Fargo. I think I like the Wells Fargo one. I don't even remember what it was. There was a good one from Wells Fargo, and then there was a really good one for the tight end.

[Ronan]

Yeah, that was a good one.

[Francis]

The colonoscopy or. Yeah, like the. The prostate check.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

The message was so well delivered, and immediately it kind of, like, undid this fear that I've had and. And I guess, misconception that a lot of men have had for so long about which is that if you get your prostate checked, you're gay. No. That they moved it over to a blood to be the finger. Yeah. Yeah, but it's not anymore.

[Ronan]

No, no, it's blood.

[Harry]

It's a fist. Yeah, it's all five fingers.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Thought there was a lot of Backstreet Boys. I thought the Benson Boon commercial was funny where dude, like, fell off something.

[Francis]

Oh, it was Ben Stiller. Yeah, hilarious, Ste.

[Ronan]

I mean, Stiller's still got it. Ron hates him. Absolutely. Bones. Blood was boiling watching that commercial. Get this. Dirty Jizz. Was using words that he learned from other commercials.

[Harry]

Learning words I picked up from Myron and Clavicular's chat.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah, of course. Got to talk about Clavicular got mogged.

[Harry]

Got frame mogged.

[Ronan]

Frame mogged. Did you see that, Francis?

[Harry]

We gotta start doing a practice.

[Francis]

When you guys talk like that, a.

[Ronan]

Million years, that would never come up on your timeline.

[Francis]

I just think about, like, where am I? Should I be elsewhere? Am I in the wrong room?

[Harry]

I wonder what your algorithm is, though.

[Francis]

Clavicular got mobbed.

[Ronan]

No, he got frame hogged by a fraternity leader at asu.

[Harry]

Asu? Frat kid.

[Francis]

What? What the fuck you think? You just made it clear to me, Jester.

[Ronan]

Max, you got caught Jester maxing. And then he got frame mogged. I don't even know. I don't even know what it means.

[Harry]

Well, some foids raise his cortisol. I mean, so voids are like girl. Girl versions of incels. And they raised his cortisol, stressed him out while he was gesture maxing. Just what he's acting a fool out in public.

[Francis]

Okay. Is this gamer speak?

[Ronan]

No, this is like.

[Harry]

This is, like.

[Ronan]

I don't even know what the word would be.

[Harry]

This is, like, looks Max.

[Ronan]

Speak.

[Francis]

What's. What is looks max?

[Ronan]

It's the same thing as, like, when we were talking about, like, jelqing and goo and goo.

[Francis]

Well, that was funny as hell.

[Ronan]

Yeah. And what is the one where you're mewing? Yeah, yeah, mewing.

[Harry]

That's looks maxer. So it's just like, guys who, like, break their jaws to look hotter.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah. Like, get, like, surgeries to, like.

[Harry]

Yeah, turkey max.

[Ronan]

Yeah, turkey maxing.

[Francis]

And. And this. And.

[Harry]

And Clavicular, who's, like, the alpha looks maxer went to. But he is like a. He has a bad frame, though. He has, like.

[Ronan]

He's got a Drake May frame.

[Harry]

He has, like, a thin show.

[Ronan]

He needs 15lbs, 15lbs.

[Harry]

But he couldn't even though. Because his skill. You can't, like, make your shoulders wider and traditional looks maxing.

[Ronan]

He's like. Did you see that whole thing that happened, like, a couple weeks ago where all those, like, in all those twitch streamers were playing, like, racist music or something at the club in Miami?

[Harry]

Kanye west music. They were playing Heil Hitler.

[Ronan]

Yeah, the Kanye song.

[Francis]

You're gonna just have to assume that I'm.

[Harry]

It was Andrew Tate.

[Ronan]

Well, that's kind of my.

[Francis]

Writing a book by candlelight the entire year.

[Ronan]

Well, that was when Clavicular really popped on the scene as an. As a.

[Harry]

Because he was, like, he was anointed to be with Myon and Nick Fuentes and.

[Francis]

And he's. He's an incel. Yes. And he's a thought leader.

[Harry]

Well, he's, like, leader of this movement, which is, like. He's, like, 21 on 220. Whatever.

[Ronan]

No one really knows what the movement is like. No one's really quite sure because it's like, they all hate women, but they're surrounded by women and they don't talk to them.

[Harry]

Well, they're forage. Like the girls are. Yeah. So the girls.

[Francis]

Oh, is there an alliance difference between the.

[Ronan]

The Voids and the Incels?

[Francis]

Their friends?

[Ronan]

Yes.

[Harry]

Well, they, like, co. Mingle with no intent to ever have sex with each other because their. Their sex drive is killed by all, like, the antidepressants and testosterone that they're on.

[Francis]

But they agree with each other somehow. There's common ground.

[Ronan]

Something like that. It's hard to really know.

[Harry]

Yeah, I think they're traditional it's like traditionally right wing, like trad politics.

[Ronan]

Remember like, Andrew Tate?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Remember when, like, he was first coming onto the scene and he would, like, make those videos and he would be like, just try to talk really, like, smart and. And say women are bad and you know what I'm talking about.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

I mean, it's the exact same thing that he did. But how are you funnier now? Because it's like skinny white dudes saying it.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Ronan]

And it's like, then they go out in public and they, like, can't look people in the eyes. Yeah. So, you know, so the.

[Harry]

The kid at Arizona State had incredibly broad shoulders.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

He just came and stood next to the bro. Clavicular and made him look like a fool. Yeah, he made him look like a skinny. Oh, he basically dominated him.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Having like a naturally super broad frame.

[Francis]

And clavicular. No, clavicular is the incel. But the Arizona State kid is the antithesis of that, like.

[Harry]

Guy. He's a cell. He's not. No, he's not a cell. He's not cell at all. He's. He's vault. He's Vol.

[Francis]

Vol Sex. Yeah, He's. He's out. He's.

[Harry]

He's.

[Ronan]

Well, the ASU kid was probably an incel, too.

[Harry]

Well, he just pulled up on clavicular and just.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah, but how are you pulling up on clavicular if you're not like a die hard clavicular fan?

[Harry]

I think Clav was probably at the frat basement.

[Ronan]

True.

[Francis]

True.

[Harry]

Cloud.

[Ronan]

Probably just showing up teaching a course.

[Francis]

Clav. Rose Halkius.

[Ronan]

Yeah, he's speaking at Harvard in a couple weeks.

[Francis]

Is he?

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah. Clav at their commencement to the lacrosse team.

[Ronan]

We know how much you guys loved Francis, so here comes Clavicula.

[Francis]

Bring you in a slightly different point of view. Yeah.

[Harry]

And mogged. Mogged comes from a mog. Like, alpha male of the group.

[Francis]

Oh.

[Ronan]

Oh, really? I didn't know that.

[Harry]

So he just got mogged. Like, he got out. Alpha, basically.

[Ronan]

R. Knows the Latin origins of mogging and mogam. Mog actually comes from the Latin word frame.

[Harry]

Cornice and genu.

[Francis]

Yeah. Nice.

[Harry]

That's. I think that's all that happened.

[Ronan]

That was all that happened pretty much.

[Francis]

Fair enough.

[Ronan]

Goodbye.

[Francis]

Oh, I do want to say thank you to the. The people in D.C. who came out bro. It was. I mean, I know it was cold here. It was outrageous there.

[Ronan]

It was, like, scary how cold it was, but it's kind of crazy how the snow hasn't melted at all down there. Streets are a mess.

[Francis]

It's not going anywhere. It's all solidified.

[Ronan]

They don't even try.

[Francis]

You can walk across my sister's front yard has. You know, you can walk across the top of it. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it won't and you won't sink in.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

No crunches.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Just straight across. It's all ice.

[Francis]

It's like being a bird.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Literally.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I like how it looks on the river, though.

[Francis]

Kind of beautiful.

[Ronan]

River looks great.

[Harry]

It looks kind of pretty.

[Ronan]

The river's got like. It looks like there's. It looks like we're in the Arctic with those big pieces of ice floating.

[Francis]

I have a big thing I need to tell you. Oh, no, no. This is bad. No, it's good. It's good. But you only have three more days. This is huge.

[Ronan]

Okay.

[Francis]

All right. Cuccinelli SAMPLE SALE no, guys, you're gonna love this. And this is gonna sound like I'm a plug for Delta, but. Oh, I'm not.

[Ronan]

This might not even apply to me. Is it diamonds only?

[Francis]

No, just listen to me and just hear it out. And then. And then some. Some fan who works with Delta but not. They're a partner of his.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Told me about this.

[Ronan]

This is inside info.

[Francis]

There's a like carsandstays.delta.com it's some other website where not often, but here and there they'll run a promotion where you can book vacations and if you have a SkyMiles account and maybe if you have the credit card we have. But I don't. I don't necessarily think you have to have the credit card. We do. But if you book through this, you get one MQD for every $1 you spend.

[Ronan]

You know it matches it.

[Francis]

Do you understand?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

The significance of that there quick as for three days, however many, it ends on February 12th.

[Harry]

And what, what you have to enroll by then or you don't enroll you money until.

[Francis]

I just booked a hotel that for like a weekend. A weekend that I'm doing and like. And then a rental car and it's like 2000 MQDs, which is like a fucking flight to Europe. First class.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

That's what you. How many MQDs you get from that?

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah. That's crazy.

[Francis]

And these are trips that I have to go on.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I got to do that. I got to do that today.

[Harry]

Damn it. That's such a good loophole.

[Francis]

Guys. This is the way because it's going to be really hard to get diamond this year. The hardest it's been why?

[Harry]

With Israel and everything?

[Ronan]

Yeah, everything going on in Israel.

[Francis]

Everything. Netanyahu's MOG down, you know, and the.

[Harry]

De Beers with the diamond mining and everything like that. Is that how you say the Beers?

[Ronan]

The Bears Go Bears.

[Harry]

The Bowers. Who's the diamond mining company that like.

[Francis]

De Beers, But I know what you mean.

[Harry]

I don't know, but I need to do this. I need to book some travel, though. I don't have anywhere to go.

[Ronan]

Yeah, you got to have something planned.

[Harry]

Can I pull up on your guys's shows? Sure. Or like, where's the Indian restaurant going to be? Is that a flight?

[Ronan]

Good.

[Francis]

Let's go to the source.

[Harry]

Go to Mumbai.

[Francis]

Let's go to Delhi.

[Ronan]

Bengali, I would assume in if we went to India, the spicy food there would be spicier than anything I've ever had.

[Harry]

Well, really hot countries, I think. Just that I don't know why they're already sweating. So they can't tell.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah. Like a jalapeno. They don't even know that's celery.

[Francis]

Yeah. A cucumber.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Like, this is colder than outside right now. All right, cool. Thank you for listening.

[Francis]

I'll be in Batavia this weekend, although it's pretty much sold out.

[Harry]

Best way to support Francis in his book journey is to buy stand up tickets.

[Francis]

Buy tickets to Pittsburgh. I'm hoping to see you guys there. That's the following weekend. And then it's Denver. That's getting close. And then you're going to Denver.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I'm boycotting.

[Francis]

Yeah, my career's going.

[Ronan]

I'm gonna boycott that here.

[Harry]

Why are you. Your job. Why are you boycotting?

[Ronan]

Because I want to go to Denver.

[Harry]

It's not mutually exclusive. You need an opener.

[Francis]

I got Brandon. Brandon's been killing.

[Ronan]

You need a host. You want to make sure every show is awful.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

You guys are dead in here.

[Francis]

Come on, guys. That's funny. What's better with you?

[Harry]

You guys are dumb. You guys suck. Oh, you're not laughing at anything, Francis.

[Ronan]

Nothing funnier than being on stage while the host is on and you hear him just being like, I'm gonna kill myself after this. And you're like, dude, you gotta get off stage.

[Francis]

Find something. Find a laugh. But then I have Houston.

[Harry]

That.

[Francis]

Oh, Minneapolis, then Houston and then San Francisco and then one show at the Nepal. Netflix is a joke festival in la, but that hasn't been listed yet, so be patient on that. But that'll be at the end.

[Harry]

So you could book all those flights right now and get your MQDs for the year. Booked out for the year.

[Ronan]

Yeah. You'd be diamond by just about the end of this week.

[Francis]

I'm in a good spot.

[Ronan]

Or do you have to wait for everything to happen before you actually get the MQs and do the triple shit when they do that?

[Harry]

But then people would just book the trips, not go and get the status.

[Ronan]

Yeah, but you're paying regardless.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And I need to say one more reminder, which is that do not buy my tickets from a third party website. Buy them from Punchup Live, Francis Ellis, or from the official websites of the comedy clubs at which I perform. If you see my tickets and they're $100, that ain't me.

[Ronan]

If they're 90, that might. It's probably Francis.

[Francis]

Oh, you trying to turn this back on me? This guy over here.

[Harry]

Thank you. That's not how much they are. They're cheaper than that.

[Francis]

The original priced gouger.

[Harry]

I'm gonna only buy on third party for sass.

[Ronan]

I'm gonna be in. I have a couple dates coming up. Detroit Mic Drop, the old house of comedy. Yeah, yeah, that's now it's Mike Drop. And then I'm doing Arlington Drafthouse. I'm making up those dates from New Year's. And then I'm doing Cleveland at some point, which I'm making up that date from the storm.

[Francis]

Nice.

[Ronan]

And then I'll have more dates that are coming out soon as well, so.

[Harry]

Great.

[Francis]

Great.

[Ronan]

Thank you, everyone.

[Francis]

Goodbye.

[Musical Outro]

Was over still still underground so I looked older to you Came around I was only falling one way I was only falling one way j was drifting 44 was I my son so thank you now I come alive I was only falling one way I was only one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way that is to your eyes did you realize no one can take me alive I was only falling one way. See just a distant life Call it just a memory Take my head and you you can see. Sa.