From Harvard to The Garden | Son of a Boy Dad #400

Summary

Son of a Boy Dad #400: "From Harvard to The Garden"

Release Date: May 12, 2026
Hosts: Lil Sasquatch (Harry), Roan, Francis
Podcast: Barstool Sports

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Episode Overview

In this milestone 400th episode, the Son of a Boy Dad crew (Harry, Roan, and Francis) deliver an energizing episode packed with sharp banter, big comedy career moments, and irreverent takes on recent cultural events. Francis recaps his life-highlight weekend opening for Shane Gillis in front of 20,000+ people at Boston's TD Garden, navigating the inner workings and pressure of arena comedy. The group dissects the highs and lows of Netflix's latest star-studded roast, debates the off-limits nature of certain jokes, and explores the power structures behind viral scandals and corporate conspiracies. As always, the boys bring raw honesty and rapid-fire humor, reflecting on personal growth, the futility (and necessity) of "knowing the truth," and keeping things light even in a wild world.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Arena Comedy: Francis Opens at TD Garden

[05:51] – [26:33]

• Francis shares the emotional and professional highs of opening for Shane Gillis at TD Garden (Boston).
  • Humble about being the opener: “I have reached the mountaintop on the shoulders of a giant in Shane.” (06:46, Francis)
  • Felt immense satisfaction, almost a sense of completion with stand-up: “I was so satisfied and pleased... ready to stop doing stand up forever.” (06:36)
  • Describes arena performance as "breathing the thin air" of the top of the game, even if not as the headliner.
• Discusses the brutal first moments on stage:
  • Opened set with a Harvard lacrosse joke—met with instant boos from the Boston crowd, including ushers: “The first words they heard was Harvard lacrosse and they booed.” (18:12)
  • Reflects on support from Shane, using advice from Dan Soder, and the importance of winning over the crowd after a tough start.
• Comparisons to team sports: Roan jokes it’s like winning a championship “when you’re not scoring 30 points but you’re a starter” (07:34).
• Memorable Family Moment:
  • Francis's parents attended; he closed his set by thanking them and recounting how Celtics games as a child revived his spirits after a sickness: “To be on the same floor as those Celtics with my parents... is more special than you’ll ever know.” (25:00, Francis to crowd)
  • Stand-out comedic/heartfelt exchange: Bobby Kelly following up: “I didn’t even tell my mom I was here this weekend. I’m from Boston. My parents don’t even fucking know I’m here.” (26:16)

2. Shane Gillis' Stand-up & The Netflix Roast

[27:29] – [56:33]

• Panel’s reaction to the Netflix roast:
  • Strong praise for Shane Gillis: “He was the best by far. Killed the whole night.” (27:52, Roan).
  • Discussion about how celebrity roasters (like Draymond Green) feel forced in, though some jokes land: “He was just reading the jokes... why is Draymond Green telling jokes at a roast?” (30:30, Roan)
  • Big J Oakerson gets props: “His jokes had so much nuance...” (29:17, Francis)
  • Chelsea Handler's set called "preachy" and “2017 LA humor,” but acknowledged for major laughs (40:59, 54:10)
  • Deliberate "off-limits" topics, especially involving real-life scandals (Epstein, Diddy), and how real reputational shots make guests squirm: “As soon as you start saying stuff that it plays on reputations... they draw the line.” (45:06, Francis)
• Discussion on sensitivity of comics:
  • “Comedians are the most sensitive people on earth. That’s why we do this.” (42:53, Francis)
• Roasting, off-limits lines, and public persona:
  • "Nothing should be off limits" vs. show restrictions per subject’s wishes (45:41+)
  • Segment on how certain jokes (re: ethnicity, family) clearly rubbed participants the wrong way, and the hypocrisy of boundaries at a roast.

3. Comedy Writing, Barstool & Recognition

[49:29] – [53:53]

• The group expresses tongue-in-cheek annoyance at being snubbed for Barstool’s “dream roast writing team,” despite being professional comedians and battle rappers.
  • “You can’t not see me under the lights at TD Garden and then the next day be like, surely there’s no stand-up comedian I could throw in that writer’s room.” (51:34, Francis)

4. Pop Culture, Scandal, & Conspiracies

[55:00] – [72:59]

• Celebrity Scandal Round-up:
  • Brief mentions of NFL/Pop-culture cheating scandals and absurd media coverage (“That’s goddamn noble—taking your pregnant lover on vacation!” 59:03, Francis)
  • Lighthearted speculation on how large companies silence scandals, and if/how corporations “have people killed” or manipulate online coverage (69:17+)
  • Series of jokes about needing transparency on which delivery apps have “ever had anyone killed.”
  • Commentary about scientists dying under mysterious circumstances and public/algo attention spans.
• On feeling powerless:
  • The group reflects that pursuing the "whole truth" about scandals is futile: “You just get to a point where you’re like... there’s just nothing anyone can do about it.” (72:56, Roan)
  • Discussion on Japan’s latent trust in political systems vs. U.S. cynicism: “I have a latent, willfully ignorant loss of faith in our political system.” (74:52, Francis)
  • Conclusion: The best you can do is “not ruin anyone else’s day or life.” (75:58, Francis)

5. Life, Growth & Closing Bits

[76:29] – End

• Zen state after career high:
  • Francis jokes about being in a “zen” post-arena performance: “I’m just totally Zen right now.” (76:34, Francis)
  • Harry: “There’s nothing more Zen than turning down a gift.” (79:31)
• Boston, hockey, and nostalgia:
  • Francis shares his awe at Bruins players being in attendance and the emotional flip of childhood fandom to on-stage performer. (80:00+)
• Travel talk & future plans:
  • Francis teases upcoming travels to Paris and Ireland.
  • Harry and Roan joke about airline status, spending, and airport lounge access.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Francis (on reaching the peak):
  “That was everything I wanted it to be and more. I have reached the mountaintop on the shoulders of a giant in Shane.” [06:46]
• Roan (on changing after The Garden): “You just can’t be the same person you were before you went on stage at the Garden.” [11:07]
• Francis (on comedian sensitivity): “Comedians are the most sensitive people on earth. That’s why we do this.” [42:53]
• Harry (after Francis’s Harvard joke bombed): “Harry didn’t answer because he was in the nosebleeds booing.” [17:47]
• Francis (cynically about life): “There’s no winning. But the win is being a good person and just not ruin anyone else’s day or life.” [75:58]
• On scandal conspiracy: “Don’t you want to know if GoPuff has ever had anyone killed? DoorDash? Nathan’s Hot Dog?” [71:48]
• Francis (on gifts): “What could I give you that would have enough sentimental value to you to bring home?” [78:58]
• On public transportation:
  “How can you say… the public transportation in a city is terrible when you are… (famous).” [63:57]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Arena Comedy / Francis’ TD Garden Recap: 05:51 – 26:33
• Netflix Roast & Comedy Writing: 27:29 – 56:33
• Corporate Scandal/Power: 68:06 – 73:54
• Life Philosophy & “Zen” Reflection: 76:29 – 77:59
• Boston, Bruins, and Childhood Nostalgia: 80:00 – 82:48

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Overall Tone and Style

The episode’s tone is classic Son of a Boy Dad: irreverent, fast-moving, self-deprecating, and honest—with plenty of inside-baseball about the comedy grind, clever observations on current events, and bromantic ball-busting. The show balances its jokes about dark or absurd topics with genuine reflection on career milestones and personal evolution.

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This summary captures the heart of Episode 400, equipping listeners (and non-listeners) with detailed insights, highlights, and the essential humor and tone that makes the podcast a fan favorite.

Transcript

[Harry]

Hey. Son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

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[Roan]

Alrighty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today it is May 11th. It is 1:20pm we're here live from HQ3. Welcome back.

[Harry]

Let me start you guys with a hypothetical.

[Roan]

Drop it.

[Harry]

Who do you think would win in a soccer game? The worst nation that qualifies for the World cup or the best Ubereats drivers in New York?

[Francis]

The worst nation.

[Roan]

Probably the worst nation, really? But I think it would be close.

[Harry]

I think it'd be really close.

[Roan]

It'd be damn close.

[Harry]

Some talented Ubereats. Bicyclists in the city.

[Francis]

They are.

[Harry]

There's a. There's a game that they always have in the morning in Chinatown and it looks sick.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

What do they call it? Two taps.

[Harry]

Two tap is. What's that?

[Francis]

One touch?

[Roan]

What is it? One touch or two touch? What is it? That's the one where you, like, you dribble it twice and pass it back.

[Harry]

I don't know that.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah. Very big in the soccer community. The football.

[Francis]

Is that just a drill?

[Roan]

No, it's a little game that people play, you know, when they're sitting in circle, like hacky sack people.

[Francis]

Oh. Kind of keep away. Ish.

[Roan]

Nope, not even close.

[Francis]

I'm trying. I'm trying. And I won't anymore.

[Roan]

Not even in the realm.

[Harry]

Like, I've said. Oh, like, when my Barcelona will stand in a circle and do this. And like.

[Roan]

Yeah. But typically they're not passing it. They're, like, juggling it.

[Francis]

So this is a drill, by the way. Anything that has cones is going to be a drill.

[Roan]

This is definitely a drill. But I was more so thinking just guys just, you know, like, Hacky Sack.

[Harry]

Hacky Sack is also having a massive moment.

[Francis]

Are you talking about juggling?

[Roan]

Yeah, like this, like what they're doing right here.

[Francis]

That's just juggling.

[Roan]

Yeah, but it's a game. You touch it twice and then you pass it back and forth.

[Francis]

One touch juggling or it's two touch juggling. Yeah, fair enough. Whatever.

[Roan]

You got some wax in those ears this morning, brother?

[Francis]

I don't care enough. I just don't care.

[Harry]

I think if you add in the door dash drivers, they definitely had.

[Roan]

Now we're talking. Now we're talking. World takeover episode 400, though. Yep.

[Harry]

We have guests on next week because we're all going to be away next week. So Tuesday and Thursday of next week, we have guest episodes.

[Roan]

Yes.

[Harry]

Banked. But we had to record today because the President has been killed.

[Francis]

That's why I wore black.

[Harry]

Oh, man.

[Roan]

Imagine.

[Harry]

Because Chud the Builder is dead.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

We had to record because Chud the Builder has been shot dead in the streets.

[Francis]

Who's Chud the Builder?

[Harry]

The worst human alive. The lowest vibration human going right now.

[Francis]

Never heard of him. New. New Internet guy.

[Harry]

He's a new Internet guy.

[Roan]

Oh, I've seen this guy.

[Harry]

He literally goes around. Yeah, he's just like, racist Memphis and is just. Or no, not even Memphis. Nashville. And it's just publicly racist. Calls it black people. The N word to their face.

[Francis]

Damn.

[Harry]

And is just counting his days in this mortal coil.

[Francis]

That's tough.

[Roan]

Yeah, He's. He's making millions. This is the world now.

[Harry]

He's made general wealth.

[Roan]

It's time to adapt.

[Harry]

He owns Walmart now. Yeah.

[Roan]

You got to get the backpack going, Francis. You got to start getting real racist.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Me?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Why?

[Roan]

Because that's your. You're gonna be the. You're the face.

[Francis]

Why am I the face?

[Harry]

You could take a fight. You've been training for war. And you didn't know it was a race war.

[Roan]

Well, yeah. You had no idea what you were signing up for.

[Francis]

I didn't.

[Harry]

We need. We're gonna go to China and do it.

[Francis]

All this time, I've thought I was preparing to defend my children someday.

[Roan]

No, no, no.

[Harry]

Then the dude Vitaly do this in. He did it in, like, Thailand. And I don't even think he was racist, but he was just going around being disrespectful and they beat the shit out of him and put him in jail.

[Roan]

Yeah, no, he's definitely racist. He's got, like, videos where he's wearing, like, the swastika armband and shit.

[Harry]

Yeah. Or. Yeah. Yeah, Okay, I guess that's racist. Yeah, I guess that passes.

[Roan]

Yeah. He's like, the original.

[Harry]

But my point is that other countries aren't even tolerating it at the level that we are.

[Roan]

Definitely not.

[Harry]

He's like, it's actually free speech that I'm just allowed to be racist to people's faces.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

H. Francis, you played in arena this weekend. Let's not bury the league.

[Roan]

Doesn't seem like you're too interested in

[Francis]

Chud and chud.

[Harry]

CHUD and Fatality.

[Roan]

Jud the racist.

[Francis]

Chud the builder.

[Harry]

Was it the. Was it the best professional moment of your career? Because from the outside looking in, it fucking looked like it.

[Francis]

You know, it was. By the way, I love those new common projects you got. Those are clean.

[Harry]

They're clean. They're a year old, but somehow they're clean. Cp.

[Roan]

Are they?

[Harry]

I always loved cp. Yeah. How was it? It was awesome.

[Francis]

Yeah, it was really cool. It was. It was. You know, someone asked me afterwards, they were like, is this one of those things that you built up in your mind, then after it was over, you were disappointed or what? And I go. I said, no. You know what? To be honest with you, I'm almost like, disappointed in how content I felt afterwards.

[Harry]

You just fell into a Zen, like, state.

[Francis]

I was so satisfied and so pleased by the experience that I felt truly ready to, like, stop doing stand up forever.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

I was like, that was the. That was everything I wanted it to be and more. And I have reached the mountaintop on the shoulders of a giant in Shane. He brought me there thanks to his work and success, and I have seen the summit, and I don't need to go back up there again. I don't know that I ever need. I certainly. Let's put it this way, being an opener for someone else's arena show at the TD Garden in Boston, to me is like, if I had wondered about what the top of Everest might look like and I got there in a helicopter.

[Harry]

No, I think it's like. I think it's like winning a championship on a team where you're not the one who's scoring 30 points a game, but you're, you're like one of the starters. Yeah.

[Roan]

10 rebounds.

[Francis]

I don't think so because, you know, that's all, that's a lot of credit. Like I didn't do anything to get Shane into the TD Garden at all.

[Roan]

No, no, but you still got to the point where you could perform in the TD Garden.

[Harry]

That picture is insane.

[Francis]

So many like this, I mean, it was, I don't think it was beyond belief.

[Roan]

I feel like you're cut your selling yourself short. Yeah. You're trying to, you're trying to make it out like it's a Born on Third. Think you hit it. Think you hit a triple thing, but I don't think it is.

[Francis]

I think, I don't think I hit a triple. I think I was carried, hunted Everest by a Sherpa.

[Roan]

No.

[Francis]

The greatest Sherpa who ever lived. Not once did I let go.

[Roan]

But you, you did big. You didn't do arenas, but you had done big rooms before you were friends with Shane.

[Francis]

Look, I'm not trying to. My point in this is to say that I experienced every element of the arena atmosphere. The top of the game. This is the top of the field of stand up comedy. There's nowhere, I guess he's doing the link in July. 80,000 people in a football stadium.

[Roan]

All right, well, it's about eight times the size.

[Francis]

Four times four. This is 20.

[Harry]

We've crunched the numbers.

[Francis]

Yeah, but aside from that, you know, nobody does fucking football stadiums. This is the top of the field. And I got off of stage and felt so satisfied. And not one time did I ever have I felt sense. Boy, I really would like to achieve that as a headliner myself.

[Roan]

You might be just cool. I think you're coming down still. No, you're still cool.

[Francis]

Listen to me, it's important. First of all, I'm humble enough to know that's not in the cards for me. I would never get there myself. Right. To sell 20,000, let alone 60,000 that he sold. It's a lot of tastes across three nights. I'm never going to get there, but I really fundamentally don't need to. I got the taste. I breathed the thin air. I felt the wisp of snow at the top of Everest.

[Harry]

You saw the dead climbers along the

[Roan]

way, piles of trash.

[Francis]

Planted my fucking flag. Got the picture. And then I walked down and it was the thrill of my life. It really was. My parents came, my closest friends came. I had a whole bunch of people there.

[Harry]

Did you invite any enemies? I would definitely have to invite enemies.

[Roan]

Yeah, you got to invite enemies.

[Harry]

Welcome. Feather off. No, Decker. Feather off.

[Francis]

I. I liked Andrew Decker. Feather off. I like a seat.

[Harry]

Decker. Feather off. Have a seat. Main lobsterman who beat me up in the road. Look at me now.

[Francis]

Reach out to an enemy and be like, hey, I'm playing the Garden. Let me know if you want tickets. And they're like, oh, man, that'd be awesome. I didn't think we liked each other. And I'm like, here. Here's the link.

[Roan]

Yeah. Game time. Get a good deal with game time.

[Francis]

Use code boy. Dad, $25. No, I. It was. It was the coolest thing ever. I don't even know, like, where to begin. I'm still kind of in awe of the experience. And, you know, coming down.

[Roan]

He's coming down still.

[Francis]

Well, what do you mean off of it?

[Harry]

Like, it's a high. You're still, like, hi.

[Francis]

Literally, I'm done.

[Roan]

I feel like you.

[Francis]

I'm done. First of all, it was the last show on my winter spring tour.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And so now I'm truly, like, done touring until September.

[Roan]

It's a good way to go out.

[Francis]

And I might not go back out

[Harry]

there, go out on top, win the championship. Elway.

[Francis]

What else am I supposed to do? I'm never going to do better than.

[Roan]

I feel like you just can't be the same person you were before you went on stage at the Garden.

[Francis]

You're right about that.

[Roan]

I feel like you get off and you're like, okay, so now I'm someone that talks to 20,000 people at once. Like, I'm like a. You're up there with, like, dictators now.

[Francis]

I said that. I was like. I felt like a television. I feel like Joel Austin. Yeah.

[Roan]

There's, like, a handful of people who have spoken in front of that many people at once.

[Francis]

Correct. And in. The light is so bright on you, and it's dark. This is an overexposed photo, but it's so dark outside of the ring of the small stage in the center, you really. There's some real, like, God, like, yeah, you're flirting a little with God syndrome there.

[Roan]

I will say I don't want to. You know, I don't want to glaze too hard, but I will say, like, you can definitely, like, watching the roast last night, and maybe I. Maybe this is just me just looking in too much into it. But, like, did it not seem like Shane's, like, noticeably more comfortable in front of those, like, big Crowds from doing all these arenas.

[Francis]

Absolutely. And he ran his roast jokes all three nights at the Garden.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

And the fact that he treats the TD Garden.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

As a workshop.

[Harry]

Well, you can't get to the clubs. You got to hit it while you can.

[Francis]

He pulled out his papers. Everyone was cool. He's just like, workshop and up there. That's how comfortable he is.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

For contrast, for the first show on Thursday, I did not sleep one single minute the night before.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I drove from New York to Boston, which took all of five hours. With traffic, it's a long drive. My. My eyes so bloodshot when I arrived in Boston and couldn't take a nap. Was so jacked up.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

He probably got the best sleep of his life. They probably had to wake him up five minutes before the set. Like when Christian Bale would fall asleep on the set of the Dark Knight because he was just so comfortable before scenes.

[Roan]

Jan, they're waiting for you.

[Francis]

Oh, fuck.

[Harry]

All right.

[Francis]

Oh, man.

[Roan]

Dude.

[Francis]

That's another thing. His entrance song. When it's time for him to come on. And that montage plays.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I saw it twice from the. I was in the tunnel.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I was so electrified by that. And I just, like, couldn't contain myself.

[Roan]

No, no.

[Francis]

He's truly, like. I mean, it was the coolest shit I've ever fucking seen. It got me so jacked up. And then, you know, on Thursday before the show, I was. I was truly just, like, having to remind myself to swallow. Yeah. And I was so afraid that I was gonna get on stage and just have an absolute mind blank.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah. You told me. You said that you were worried you were gonna throw up on stage.

[Francis]

I thought I was gonna throw up on stage. There were so much.

[Roan]

Exactly what I would have been thinking.

[Francis]

Yeah. I was so fucking terrified. And then on the drive in, I had this idea for a joke. I wanted to start with. Roan, you'll appreciate this. And I was worried about it because I'd never told it before. It was kind of like an ad lib thing. So I call my one, my. My true, trusted, closest comedian friend. Closest comedian friend who, you know, when has. He's called me, I have picked up immediately. In fact, the last time we had a comedy conversation, I actually looked at how much time we spent talking about it for his issue. It was 46 minutes on the.

[Roan]

46.

[Francis]

Yeah, six minutes.

[Roan]

Long time.

[Francis]

Long time on the phone. And so I called this guy, and I was like. I really just, you know, needed three minutes to run this joke. And Be like, do you think that's going to fly? Like, what, do you think I should do that in front of 20,000 people? Brick wall.

[Harry]

What?

[Francis]

Yeah, the green monster. No, ran right into him. No, just an absolute brick fucking wall. No. No, text back. Usually I'll get a text back being like, I'm busy. Hey, man, I'm, I'm, you know, sitting up. What's, what's going on?

[Harry]

Sorry, I'm breathing right now.

[Francis]

Sorry, dude, I gotta tie my shoes in a few minutes.

[Harry]

I'm awake.

[Francis]

Does this.

[Harry]

Hey, I've showered today. Can't talk right now.

[Francis]

Yeah, I'm thinking about something. If you'll give me like a few days.

[Harry]

Not even that.

[Francis]

Not that

[Roan]

we're able to connect. We were able to connect down the road though, luckily.

[Francis]

Yeah, after the shows when it, After I joke bombed. Because I did it.

[Harry]

What was the joke?

[Francis]

The joke was I went up and I said. And you got to kind of let me finish it because you'll see why I said what I said.

[Harry]

Okay.

[Francis]

But I went up and I was like, you know, nice to see you all. Thanks. Everyone up in the top, top rows up there in the back. It wasn't too long ago that I was a lowly lacrosse player at Harvard. Just down the road. Booze, booing. Yeah, booing. What? Like a lot of booze. Not like, oh, he'. A. He's just being a, you know, fucking self aware douchebag. Like, we didn't know that and we didn't need to.

[Harry]

Why?

[Francis]

Why would you have said that? 10 seconds in. Why would you have said that? And I was like, oh. And I go, I was a lowly Harvard lacrosse player. And the Celtics were playing Game 7 against the Atlanta Hawks. I think it was the Eastern Conference semis. And my buddy, my best friend and I decided to scrounge up the last of our cocaine money and, and buy tickets to go to the game. And we sat up there and our noses bled for a different reason. But the Celtics beat the Hawks in game seven. So I'm one of you. I understand the joke was meant to be like, you know, I'm a douchebag. I'm paying for Celtics tickets with cocaine money.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

You know, I understand your plight. Working class, blue collar people in the nosebleed seats. Nosebleed joke. That should be good. Nosebleed joke. Did all right. It came around in the end. But. But dude, the Harvard mention was a huge mistake. One of those things that I'm sure Boston's own Duxbury zone representative, Harry Settle would have been like, the fucking Harvard

[Roan]

lacrosse had a long conversation.

[Francis]

I think you can get there without that.

[Harry]

So you went to be you.

[Francis]

I was like, I know Shane's audience, they're not into that kind of a thing. I wouldn't do it. That's a big risk.

[Roan]

When we talked about this, I was like, dude, look, like, I would have definitely, like, helped you out. I was like, no. Part of me would have been like, yeah, drop the Harvard part. They're going to boo you. Start raining down booze.

[Francis]

Yeah, it was. It was touch and go there for a minute.

[Harry]

Harry didn't answer because he was in the nosebleeds booing.

[Francis]

He was filming it to put it on Matt and Shane's Reddit.

[Harry]

This guy.

[Francis]

Believe this guy.

[Roan]

But yeah, you said talk more about the beginning because you. You had to go out cold.

[Francis]

Yeah, I went out cold.

[Roan]

You're the first person to go out.

[Harry]

And the first words they heard was Harvard lacrosse.

[Roan]

Yes.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And they booed it. The first words out of their mouth was boo.

[Francis]

Yeah, A lot of people.

[Roan]

God.

[Francis]

In fact, I could actually see people who were being ushered to their seats by the ushers who weren't paying attention, and they heard that and they're, like, moving to their chairs and they're like, I saw ushers booing. No, I saw people with little flashlights being like, right here.

[Harry]

Boo.

[Francis]

Boo Harbor.

[Harry]

They're not supposed to boo.

[Francis]

Not the ushers titled dicks.

[Harry]

How'd you dig out from that? I guess it's not that bad.

[Francis]

Got into my jokes. Thank God, the first five minutes. And Shane had warned me about this. And I actually called Soder on the way too, because he opened for Shane at the Madison Square Garden and went first. We saw that show.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

And I was like, I'm going first. Do you have any tips? And he's like, look, you just need to know that the first five minutes are going to be tough. But it doesn't mean that you're not doing well. It just means that people are not seated.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And at some point, people will be seated by in a critical mass and you'll start doing well. But, like, assume you're going to perform that first five minutes for the front ten rows or something.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

So that's kind of what I did. I just moved forward, kept the energy up. And then I have a joke six or seven minutes in. That's like one of my better jokes.

[Roan]

And did you do that on purpose? Did you change it at all? So it was like, I'm gonna have my best stuff in the, like five minutes in.

[Francis]

No, I couldn't, I couldn't, I couldn't do that. I. I had run the 15 minute set like four times on Tuesday before I left. But I mean, I don't know. I just, I just have time to like.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Really rework a whole.

[Roan]

It's also like weird to be like, I guess I'm gonn bomb for the first five and then try to.

[Francis]

I also thought that if I did that I risked never, never coming around.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

If. If I started weak, they. Anyone who was listening wouldn't have bought in.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And look, I mean, I think that's probably true. You know, Blizz was there and I don't think he'd mind me saying like, you know that video of him in Toronto where the.

[Roan]

He was in Boston.

[Francis]

Yeah, he was in the Hang with us. The video of him in Toronto bombing and getting booed en masse by the entire arena and then stepping off the stage and being like, I'm just gonna leave and then it's a cold stage for like 10 minutes. I think that, I mean that video was burned.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, of course.

[Francis]

And it was the specter of that failure that hung over my head and caused so much anxiety because I wouldn't have thought that was possible.

[Roan]

No, no. You think in your. Because I remember, like I'm the same. Like I haven't even done it and it's still engraved in my head of like the, the sheer possibility of that even happening.

[Francis]

That that is a possibility is what makes this so terrifying.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Is there other examples of people doing that? Of people going through that? Because I've never seen that before.

[Francis]

I think Tiffany haddish bomb for the entire theater where everyone started booing.

[Roan]

I think like the thing is like in your head you're always like, what's the worst that's going to happen? I'm going to bomb. And then it's like, no. 20,000 people decide and clips of it decide they take you out.

[Francis]

I'm not selling another ticket for the rest of my life. If that happens to me, that is my credibility as a stand up gone.

[Harry]

So it's better to have like a bad sexual assault claim against you.

[Francis]

I'd rather have seen files. I'd rather be like, you know, lobbing Molotov cocktails into Gaza or something like kindergarten for your career than. Than that. Yeah, whatever. The point is though, that like, you know, I. That was the fear once I was getting laughs. I thought, I know where this set goes. It builds.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Now that they're in, I'm gonna be fine. And then I could enjoy it. What was crazy too, though, was that it's such an overwhelming sea of people and you're in the round. I was just like spinning like a top.

[Roan]

Were you like.

[Francis]

I was like walking in circles around the stage because I kept thinking, like, don't turn your back to anyone. But you can't. Yeah, there's always gonna be somebody who can't see your face.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

But then they, you know, they have the big cameras and stuff like that.

[Harry]

But that's why you gotta lay down on your back.

[Roan]

Was it like hot as now?

[Francis]

No, it was fine.

[Roan]

I would expect it to be like the temperature of the sun.

[Francis]

No, it was. I would argue it might have been even chilly.

[Roan]

Really?

[Francis]

Because the arena was kind of chilly.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah. Makes sense.

[Francis]

Dude. The. The fucking enormity of it is something you cannot describe. It's like you hear your voice echoing and it's all the way up in the top. It hits these. And Shane made the point after, when we went back on stage after they cleared the aren. He pointed to like one small section below the sky boxes. And he goes, that's a club. That's a club. That's a club. A full club. Like a, like section 17 rows, 10

[Roan]

to 30 full on like, restaurant, bar.

[Francis]

It's a full, sold out helium Philly right there.

[Roan]

Oh, I see what you mean. I thought you meant, like, it's an actual club.

[Francis]

Like this part that we're looking right there. That's the best weekend you've ever had.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is crazy.

[Francis]

The folding chairs in front of the guy showed up to like, you know, Detroit fucking House of Comedy or whatever.

[Roan]

Yeah, I'd be thrilled. You would be the biggest crowd you've ever seen. I mean, until now.

[Harry]

Yeah, Honestly, it'd be. It might be hard to get this high again.

[Roan]

You might have to. It might. You might be right. I think the tour is over.

[Harry]

Or it's heroin or it's like you're chasing the dragon.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Or just like start doing, like, public speaking in, like, Times Square.

[Francis]

I mean, it was. It was like the coolest thing ever.

[Harry]

How'd you pick your outfits?

[Francis]

I made a mistake on the second one. You should not wear white. And I don't know if you guys have a picture of the second show, but the first one I wore black suede jacket, black suede pants and a white shirt underneath, which was fine, cause of the black. But the second one I wore sort of like a Khaki light over a white shirt. And I was washed out on the camera. Just. You have to wear dark clothing.

[Harry]

First one. It was perfect, though. Dark. Johnny Cash.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Black on black.

[Francis]

I felt pretty cool.

[Roan]

Very Cash.

[Harry]

What did your parents say? Were they losing it?

[Francis]

So that was the coolest part, right? Which was that when my set ended and I had told Shane this story and he was like, you should tell that on stage if you think you can get through it emotionally. And I ended my set and I said, if I may. I was like, that's my time. Everyone was nice. They cheered. And then I was like, if I may. When I was a kid, I got very sick and I came out of the hospital kind of destroyed and my sense of hope was destroyed. And my dad got us a 10 game package to the Celtics to revive my spirits. And we came, we would come down to see Antoine Walker and Paul Pierce and Tony Bati and all these guys. Vitaly Potapenko. And it was that Celtics team that, like, restored my hope as a young boy. And to be on the same floor as those Celtics with my parents here tonight is more special than you'll ever know. And people started cheering and I said, thank you, Shane. Thanks, mom and dad. Thank you, Boston. Please welcome Bobby Kelly. And to be able to. Fucking homo Bobby was hilarious. He goes. Bobby comes up, he goes like, I didn't even tell my mom I was here this weekend. I'm from Boston. My parents don't even fucking know I'm here.

[Roan]

That's hilarious.

[Francis]

And he was like. Afterwards, I was like, thanks for letting me do that part at the end. And he was like, oh, you gave me a good bit.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

But, yeah. So to be able to thank my parents. Hilarious at that place, like, again, I just feel complete. I feel done.

[Roan]

Yeah, it's pretty sick.

[Francis]

I've reached the end of the road.

[Roan]

Nah, just gotta get on that Lincoln show.

[Harry]

Gotta get in there.

[Roan]

Gotta get on that show.

[Francis]

I don't need to.

[Roan]

I'm done on the 50 yard line.

[Francis]

I'm happy. What else is there for me to achieve Gillette, bro. Short of being that. Being the guy, which again, I don't think I ever will. And I don't need to. There's nothing higher.

[Roan]

It's gotta be tough being the guy.

[Francis]

Correct.

[Harry]

He's just around. He's doing.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

Practicing for Netflix after our Saturday show, after which I'm pretty sure he was exhausted.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

He got on a plane straight from the show to go back to LA to get ready for the roast the next Day.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That's crazy.

[Harry]

Which was literally the next day that it was Sunday, right?

[Francis]

Correct.

[Roan]

Well, I guess when they're paying you billions, it's worth it.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Let's talk about the roast really quick.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, the roast was great. I mean, I thought it was great. I enjoyed it a lot.

[Francis]

Me too.

[Roan]

I was howling, laughing.

[Francis]

Same.

[Harry]

I thought Chud the builder killed Chad was phenomenal.

[Francis]

Chudley.

[Harry]

I only watched the. I watched the first half this morning at 6:30am I thought it was good.

[Francis]

I thought it was really good. Did you have a favorite? Did you have favorites and people?

[Roan]

Yeah. I mean, I thought Shane was the best by far. He was. I thought he killed the Hulk. I thought the whole night he was hilarious.

[Francis]

I was trying to play the next

[Roan]

Garden, trying to get on that linkage.

[Harry]

Trying to get a link show. Start wearing the Eagles gear. You might think you're from Philly.

[Francis]

Just can't let me have it. Times as big.

[Roan]

Yeah. TD Garden's cool, but did you ever do the Lanin?

[Francis]

No.

[Harry]

High ceiling.

[Francis]

I remember performing inside. No, performing indoors is cool. Yeah. All the sound is trapped, climate controlled. That's great. Oh, you didn't have a 4 jet flyover.

[Roan]

Saquon actually carried me onto the stage.

[Francis]

There was no national anthem before. Oh, yeah.

[Roan]

No, I thought. I thought Chain was good. I thought. I thought that.

[Harry]

That.

[Roan]

What was the guy's name? Yeah, I thought he was really funny.

[Francis]

He was incredibly bold. Yeah, what he said. I didn't really get crazy.

[Roan]

The ending. That's what I was gonna say. I didn't really get the end. The Pete thing too. What was with that? Was that him? That was like. They just turned to Pete Davidson and was like, I don't like you. Yeah, that was. That was crazy. He was like, no joke or anything and he just moved on. I was like, oh. I was like, I wonder what happened there.

[Harry]

It's funnier if it's nothing.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, he. He fucking killed. He was funny. I mean, really, everyone. I thought everyone was funny.

[Francis]

I thought Big J's stood out to me.

[Roan]

Yeah, Big J was really good.

[Francis]

The most innovative.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I thought his. Where like his jokes had so much nuance to him when he was like, I did a movie with Lizzo and I got in trouble when she did a scene in her stripper clothes and I started a slow clap.

[Roan]

Yeah, that was really funny. Yeah.

[Francis]

Or like when he pretended that he pretended that Keith was dead. Yeah, that was like so subtle and so inside. Yeah, but that was fucking hilarious.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

There were Just a lot of pieces like that that I don't know.

[Roan]

That the $10,000 thing is really funny too.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

It's insultingly low.

[Roan]

I'm trying to think of who else was. Who else I thought was really funny.

[Francis]

I thought Pete was really good.

[Roan]

Yeah, Pete was really good.

[Francis]

He was really pretty ruthless. Yeah.

[Harry]

But that's great, though.

[Roan]

Yeah. I mean, really, everyone was good. I do agree with what we were talking about, the Dave thing a little bit. Like, I do agree. I don't really think that the celebrities need to, like, I get. For some people, that might be like a big factor in it.

[Harry]

Like the Dave thing. For people who don't know was. Dave was on Wake Up Barstool this morning.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Yeah. Talking about, like, Draymond Green, like, reading the jokes off the teleprompter and then everyone being like, he killed. And it's like, like. Well, I will say, like, I mean, they all have writers, so that doesn't really matter. Like, they all have writers, but also it's like, why is Draymond Green telling jokes at a roast? Like, why is that happening?

[Francis]

That's probably because Netflix is, like, about to launch a new show with him.

[Roan]

Oh, really?

[Francis]

Would be my guess.

[Roan]

I don't know.

[Francis]

Is his podcast on Netflix?

[Roan]

I don't know. Volume.

[Harry]

Volume. Colin Coward.

[Roan]

I mean, I guess, like, he was. He was. Oh, Jeff Ross was really funny.

[Francis]

Really, really good. This list is long or is wrong.

[Harry]

I mean, to say it's that AI shit, bro.

[Roan]

Tony was funny.

[Francis]

I thought that Draymond Green had one of the jokes of the night, actually, where he said, I haven't and I never will. Ban. What's her name?

[Harry]

Chelsea Handler.

[Francis]

Chelsea Handler. I'm Draymond Green. I don't hit threes.

[Roan]

Yeah, but I don't know. That's like an old joke that's been done.

[Francis]

That's old and told you didn't like it.

[Roan]

I feel like that joke, that joke is in every roast.

[Francis]

Okay, fine.

[Harry]

I mean, I think it's fine, but I think it is.

[Francis]

I thought it was self deprecating from him. It was so specific to him.

[Roan]

Look, I got nothing against Draymond Green. I thought, like, he was good, he was funny. I just don't really know why all the. Why they feel the need to have the celebrities. Like, I guess it's good for views, but it's like, yeah. Does anyone really want to see Tom Brady roasting Kevin Hart? Like, is there anyone that's really.

[Francis]

A lot of people do. A lot of people want Tom Brady there. Given that he did the last one.

[Roan]

Look, I love Brady. I'm a Patriots fan. I love Brady.

[Francis]

Doesn't sound like you do.

[Roan]

I don't think he is good on that kind of stuff. Like, I think it's just like insane

[Harry]

levels like, but I think there when it goes great one, people like to see them laughing at jokes. But two, like at the James Franco roast and it was all his like famous friends doing it. Yeah, that was very funny. That made it funnier.

[Roan]

Who were his famous friends?

[Francis]

Seth Rogen.

[Roan]

Funny comedian.

[Harry]

Funny comedian.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Not the greatest quarterback of all time. No, but I mean, never once had to make a joke ever.

[Francis]

They want Netflix has elevated the roasts. This is their second one.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

To being the most star studded affairs and having the rock and Tom Brady and blah blah, blah like there. It just.

[Roan]

Yeah, I mean it. I mean it definitely makes sense. I understand it.

[Francis]

It's like the Met gala on comedy.

[Roan]

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[Harry]

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[Roan]

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[Francis]

Yeah, I could be at Francis. It'd be nice if I did.

[Roan]

How good? I mean, imagine tying off this whole year with the Powerball winnings.

[Francis]

Oh, my gosh. I'd get assassinated.

[Roan]

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[Roan]

Yeah, it's just like. It's like every time I watch it, I'm like, I don't think it's gonna be funny. And then I'm like, this is actually really funny.

[Harry]

I was laughing out loud in the morning.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Alone.

[Roan]

And then I'm like, but why? Like, this one wasn't as bad as the Brady one. Like, the Brady one was like, you got Gronk, you got Edelman, you got all these. And it's like, no one cares what you got. Like, you're not. That's the thing where I get what Dave is saying. It's like. It's like they're doing all these jokes and they're like all these digs, but it's like they're not even your own jokes. So it's like the digs aren't as

[Francis]

funny and they're not delivering them right. Yeah, look, the. The Serena and Ven thing was not. That didn't land for me at all. It was uncomfortable.

[Roan]

I just wish it was like, they would lean, like, if they're gonna go celebrities, you know, like, get Chappelle. Get those people.

[Harry]

But no disrespect, but, like, people aren't tuning in for some of the comedians who are great roasters.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

Netflix, like, you need star power to have people.

[Roan]

Yeah. I mean, Brady probably brings in an extra 20 million views.

[Francis]

Yeah. The Cat Williams part. Part confused me.

[Roan]

Why?

[Francis]

First of all, I don't know that I was aware that they had beef.

[Roan]

I don't think I was either. I'll be honest. I also have not seen the Cat Williams part. I was. I had to go back for the bush.

[Francis]

Oh.

[Roan]

We were in grand finals, whole thing.

[Francis]

Cat Williams came out as a surprise appearance.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah. Right at the end. Right.

[Francis]

And they kind of like. Kind of like end of the middle.

[Roan]

Oh, okay.

[Francis]

I would say. And he came out and did a roast. Oh, my God, this was so funny. He goes, just because Kevin. Wait, don't. Don't change it. Just because Kevin went to diddy parties does not mean he did something wrong. The fact that he gets uncomfortable when you bring it up to him, that's what means he did something right.

[Roan]

That is funny because he did get unhappy, uncomfortable every time someone brought it up.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

But I mean, look, they. Cat Williams came out. It was not. He. He alluded to the beef. He, like, talked about it a bunch, and they. And then roasted him in. In a non, like, appreciative way. Just roast kind of. And then when he finished, Kevin stood up and was like, let's squash the beef right now. They shook hands. Everyone went nuts. Nuts. And then when Kevin Hart does his monologue at the end, he's like, you guys all say I'm not a good actor. Then how the fuck was I able to make Katt Williams think I'd squashed the beef with him earlier? Like, I was acting. I hate that motherfucker.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

But I mean, I think. I don't know. It was just like, I didn't. I don't know. I wasn't.

[Harry]

They're just hunting for a moment.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I kind of felt like Kevin Hart was like, the least natural person on. Like, you could tell he was acting the whole time.

[Francis]

He has to do that.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

He has to make the jokes that all those comics are saying, okay. By being like, it's okay. We can laugh at this.

[Roan]

Who was the one that said. They were like. They were like, what a better way to do than, like, to pretend you're having fun on here while people make fun of you or something. Someone made a joke about him, like, his fake laughing.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I forget who.

[Harry]

I hate when people stand up while they're getting.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah. When Shane kept on going, thanks, Kevin. He would stand.

[Harry]

Yeah. Like, Tony stood up. Just. Just takes me out of it a little bit.

[Roan]

Takes me out.

[Francis]

I liked when Shane went. I liked when Shane went. He was like, okay, this is just going, all right.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

He's like, I didn't think it was going to be as good as the Brady Rose, but we're doing okay.

[Roan]

Yeah, that was great. That's what I meant, though. He was killing. Like, everything he said was killing.

[Francis]

Yeah, agreed.

[Roan]

Like, he, like, the difference between him hosting the ESPYs and hosting that was, like, night and day for me. Like, he seemed so comfortable.

[Francis]

Totally. Totally. Did you think that the Chelsea Handler set was angry?

[Roan]

Yeah. Okay. So the Chelsea Handler said, I actually thought she was really funny. I did think that, like, it's. It was a little, like, preachy and, like, the thing with the. Like, when. When you go the route of, like, I'm gonna. Like, she got on stage and she said, like, she's making fun of Tony and Chain being like, you know, like you guys. Well, she called them all statutory rapists, which I thought was weird. But then she was like, she said like, they helped get Trump elected and all this stuff and was like saying all this shit. And then like 10 minutes later, down the set, she go like. So it's like, okay, you're gonna do that. You're gonna go like the super, you know, politically correct, whatever you want to call it. But then like the end of her set, she's telling the story about like, like Kevin Hart sending her a private plane to fly from Spain to LA to make a five minute appearance on Funn kf. And it's like, I don't know, like, what? Like, you can't have the moral high ground, like play that role and then be like, Yeah, I chartered a 500, 000 plane to go do a five minute appearance on a TV show. Like, I feel like those are like, like, because it's like you're trying. When you, when you say the thing about like, like Tony and Chain, all this, like you're trying to get on

[Harry]

and you're saying like, like more. The more black dudes who've been killed in la. Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

Like you're trying to get on the side of the people of like, like, we are the morally high ground people. Like, we're. We know what's best. But then you're going and telling a story. It's like you're not that person.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Maybe you're playing a part that you're not.

[Francis]

Just to play devil's advocate there. I think her side that she was on was women. She was being like, yeah, feminine. A feminist up there. And that was why she was like, I'm not gonna tell any. I'm not gonna waste my time telling jokes about like the other women on this dais or whatever.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

But the. And then her kind of punchline of the like, of the Kevin sending her

[Roan]

a plane, I thought it was like tone deaf.

[Francis]

I get it. But I think, I think her point was like, I, as a woman took advantage.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Roan]

I got, I got followed.

[Francis]

For me, it followed thematically, but I do agree that I found it a little. Cause heavy.

[Harry]

It just felt like 2017 LA humor.

[Francis]

It felt. Cause heavy. But she did have some great jokes.

[Roan]

She did, yeah, she was very, like,

[Francis]

I had some great jokes.

[Roan]

I thought she was very funny. Like I was laughing out loud her whole set. But I just thought it was weird, like going with the moral high ground route and all this stuff and then being like, also I feel Like I'm, I am the elite of the elite. I'm as elite as you can possibly get. The part that was uncomfortable for me by myself.

[Francis]

Right. The part that was uncomfortable for me was when they, they. She kept taking the mic from like off stage later and like throwing in comments.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

And I was kind of like, is that part of it?

[Roan]

I couldn't tell if she was actually mad or not.

[Francis]

Yeah, that was me. Me neither. Yeah, I couldn't either. Anyway, whatever. We'll have to ask Shane.

[Roan]

At some point it seemed like she was. It seemed like there was some beef.

[Francis]

That's what. Right.

[Roan]

Like it seemed like. Because it seemed like Shane was mad when he got back up on stage and then Tony obviously was mad, but Tony was getting it from everybody.

[Francis]

Yeah. Was Tony mad?

[Roan]

I don't think he was mad. No.

[Francis]

No.

[Roan]

But I mean, you know how those guys are.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Everyone on that stage was probably livid the entire time. No one on that stage is like takes jokes about themselves. Well.

[Francis]

No, no, no one period.

[Roan]

No, no.

[Harry]

Like what do you want to hear like, like black belt level jokes about you in front of millions of people?

[Francis]

Dude. It's so funny when people are like, they're like, boy, you know, sometimes like earlier in my career people would be like, I can't believe Francis is so sensitive. He's so sensitive considering he's a standup comedian. I'm like, have you ever met a stand up comedian? They're the most sensitive people on earth. That's why we do this.

[Roan]

Someone could get off stage and you can be like, yeah, they were, they sounded weird. Huh. And then like, the night's over.

[Francis]

Night's over. That relationship is over.

[Roan]

You guys each other forever now. Forever.

[Francis]

Yeah, it's all a defense mechanism to like mask our insecurities. That's why we're up there telling jokes. It's like we can make fun of ourselves the second anyone else does. Unless it's a comedian I respect.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

Who's better than I am? How dare you? Who do you think you are?

[Roan]

Yeah, but I mean, yeah, it definitely seemed like there was a little. Well, did Shane say that she went to. That she was friends with Epstein before she said all that stuff?

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

That's how he.

[Francis]

That's part of his introduction.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Then I guess she went to Epstein aisle in 2010. Why? What's wrong with that?

[Roan]

No, I'm saying that's pretty fair of her to come back at them if he said that.

[Francis]

How is that joke any more over the line? That's what I'm curious.

[Roan]

I don't think that joke. That's the thing that's. That's. That's the thing that is uncomfortable about watching it is because, like, the Diddy stuff and the Epstein stuff and like, Shane being like, there's a lot of people in here that are pedophiles. Like, he's right. Like, he's not. Like he's joking. Like, he's joking, but it's also true.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

It's like. Yeah, there's a lot of people in here that went to the Diddy parties and were probably really good friends with Epstein.

[Francis]

Yeah. Right.

[Roan]

So it's like, it is a little uncomfortable in that sense.

[Francis]

What? So, okay, so that's now over the line because.

[Roan]

No, I don't think it's over the line. I don't think it's over the line, but it is, like, uncomfortable because it's like, like, okay, Chelsea Handler. Was she actually at a dinner with Woody Allen, Epstein and fucking. Whatever. The other person.

[Francis]

Here's my point. Right.

[Roan]

Because that's pretty bad.

[Francis]

It's bad.

[Roan]

That's. Those are the Epstein's closest friends.

[Francis]

So then I. It sounds to me like there were two different kind of categories of jokes. One, one were like, cartoonish, exaggerative, sort of like. Like, Shane looks like he has down syndrome.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And Chelsea Handler fucks a lot of black guys and hearts short. All that. Yeah. Right. And everyone was on board for that. As soon as you start saying stuff that it plays on the reputations.

[Roan]

Yeah. That's.

[Francis]

Of these people, they're. They draw the line.

[Roan]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, I get it. If I was Chelsea Handler, I would probably be like, hey, let's not talk about that, please.

[Harry]

But I thought that most jokes, most roast people get to say stuff. Like, they get to say what's off limits.

[Francis]

I think that was the whole. Yeah, that.

[Roan]

I think it's the host look. There were like. I think Kevin Hart's allowed to do that. I don't know if Chelsea Handler's allowed.

[Francis]

Oh, everybody should be. Can say everything. That's.

[Harry]

You think so?

[Francis]

Yeah, Say anything or.

[Roan]

Or get what Ron's saying. Like, get. They get to say, like, don't talk about this. Like, Chelsea.

[Francis]

No, I'm saying nothing should be off limits.

[Harry]

Well, maybe that's to. I. I know stuff. Or like, other roast levels. Like. Like that it's been like, hey, you could touch on this, this and this. Don't say anything about this.

[Roan]

But there's always.

[Harry]

I think it was the Same with Tom. Tom Brady definitely had that.

[Francis]

He did 100.

[Roan]

Yeah. I think he said a thing about his, like, I don't know, kids, maybe.

[Francis]

Dude, no. They said into Tom Brady roast, like, your wife's a jiu jitsu instructor was, like, allowed.

[Harry]

But then they. They went overboard with it, and it hurt his feelings, maybe.

[Francis]

Oh, yeah.

[Roan]

But there's also clearly. There was clearly stuff that you're not allowed to talk about with Kevin Hart.

[Francis]

The thing in the Brady roast was when Jeff Ross said that Robert Cl. Yeah. Robert Kraft went to the rub and tug and he whispered, don't talk that. Yeah, don't talk about that again.

[Roan]

Yeah.

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[Roan]

It's always. I mean, when it comes down to the. To the sex freaks. That's what it is. That's the line. So, no, you can't tell people that I fuck kids. That's crazy.

[Harry]

I thought we're joking.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

This is supposed to be.

[Harry]

That's not a joke. Joke.

[Francis]

Sex traffic. Korean masseurs. No.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Surely not. The other part. The. The other part that. That I thought was really interesting was that the. I didn't know that black woman comedian.

[Roan]

She was hysterical.

[Francis]

Unbelievably funny.

[Roan]

She was unreal.

[Francis]

She was so good. And she, like, went off script a bunch. And. And the jokes Shane told about her husband who killed himself were so fucking funny. He kept coming back to was that she.

[Harry]

But the black don't crack. Except for what Your husband don't show

[Francis]

the Golden State warriors logo to her husband. And then, like, they. She did a movie where she was. She was in the air Force, but she couldn't fly, just like her husband couldn't fly when he fell to his death. He died from that.

[Roan]

Yeah, that was really good. She was really.

[Harry]

Two great jokes about Draymond Green were When they said that the. The Golden State warriors sound like what they would call dudes who beat AIDS in the 80s, and that Draymond Green looks like a shitty color that you'd paint your kitchen.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

I like that. And I also like when they were like, they didn't know who the father was. So would they just combine the two names? Yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

Tip of the cap to the writers. To our brothers, Mike Lawrence and JP McDade. Yeah.

[Roan]

I think my favorite.

[Harry]

Of course, Acamiko. Yeah.

[Roan]

Yeah. I think my favorite joke of the whole night was the. The Shane one where he said the thing about Kevin Hart, the Oscars, and he was like, you were supposed to. He's like, but you were a homophobe. And then he just, like, sat on that for, like, five seconds. And then he talks about breaking the dollhouse over here.

[Francis]

Isn't that amazing? You used to be funny.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

How about Dave saying that? How about Dave not including either you guys in his dream Roast writing team when you guys are actual standup comedians who have written. That's All Right Roast jokes before?

[Roan]

I don't think Dave is that tuned in to me. I'm not. I don't. That doesn't bother me.

[Francis]

I think Dave's already fired me again in his head.

[Harry]

Don't say that.

[Roan]

Just don't know.

[Francis]

I think he's, like, like, written me off as an ex employee already.

[Harry]

Don't take that.

[Francis]

That. I mean that. I don't know that he knows for sure that I still work here.

[Roan]

He definitely does.

[Harry]

Do not say that. You guys work so, so closely in concert.

[Roan]

This is just finishing out his contract.

[Francis]

Yeah, he's.

[Harry]

He's a lame duck, dude.

[Francis]

Lame duck. I can't have him, Francis. Right. For my roast because he. I don't think he'll still be here then.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

By the time. That's. That's coming after his. What. When's his contract up?

[Harry]

The month of October.

[Francis]

Oh, man. Yeah, I was good.

[Harry]

I was personally insulted when he said that. I was like, put. I'll put my brothers up against anybody. Oh, I'll put these Roast riders up against anybody.

[Roan]

I would not put myself up against most of the people on that screen.

[Francis]

I'm not talking about all.

[Harry]

I'm talking about locally.

[Francis]

I mean, look, I could throw you in that category, too. Roan, you wrote for the Roast Battle Show. You are world champion battle rapper.

[Harry]

I don't know about.

[Francis]

I literally, like, with no due. With no disrespect meant towards the people he named. But, like, if you're not putting any one of the three of us, let alone all three of us, into a roast writing room. Good luck.

[Harry]

Wait, wait, wait.

[Roan]

Is this where this was this Barstool people only.

[Harry]

Yes, Dave. And that same clip you're talking about now, Dave was like, I didn't know that I put our best writers, Big Cat, pft, Nick and KB in a room and let them write for us.

[Francis]

He said, our best comedy writers.

[Harry]

Best comedy writers. And I think all of them are great comedy writers. But then I was. It was just like there wasn't a word count limit. Like he could have just kept going.

[Francis]

We were omitted. Yeah, he on intentional see him like

[Harry]

mouth over the words and choose not to say them.

[Francis]

You couldn't have omitted me at a time when I would have been more top of mind. You can't not see me under the lights at TD Garden. And then the next day be like, surely there's no stand up comedian that I could throw in that writer's room that I'm forgetting.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I mean, and that's true for you too.

[Roan]

I mean, I wrote on the ESPYs.

[Francis]

That's what I'm saying. I did the roast at the Barstool Awards where he loved the joke you wrote and I presented.

[Roan]

No, that's all. It's all love, though.

[Francis]

Yeah, it's no problem. I don't. I've given up on trying to win any kind of. Of.

[Harry]

Well, luckily the four guys he mentioned are our brothers.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's the thing too. That's all very funny. You can't pick.

[Harry]

Pick one of them too. But he just could have kept on going and just said, you guys. Yeah, it would have been so easy.

[Francis]

It gets onerous, I'm sure, you know,

[Harry]

to say names to.

[Francis]

To list the people that he doesn't remember.

[Harry]

Well, I'm just saying, like, let. Let him go. Let him have his four. I'll take my two.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

See, we'll see who comes to lock the. Lock the door.

[Francis]

Who.

[Harry]

Who comes out.

[Roan]

A roast off. Classic roast off.

[Harry]

No cameras.

[Francis]

No cameras.

[Harry]

We just see who comes out of the room.

[Francis]

Everybody comes out crying.

[Roan]

Yeah, you're a dick.

[Harry]

Just hating each other forever.

[Francis]

To his credit, though, I do think that the names he named, like, I would put those four. Yeah. Yeah, that's who I would have. Definitely. Best.

[Harry]

Best. The best.

[Francis]

But I'd have the three of us. I would have.

[Roan]

I would have us in there as well. Yeah, but I'll be fine. No, I'll be good. I'm not. Not a Big deal.

[Francis]

Is that a. A Red Sox hat?

[Harry]

It is.

[Roan]

Bought it off of Amazon.

[Francis]

Oh, that's cool.

[Roan]

It is. Yeah.

[Francis]

So I was supposed to.

[Harry]

It's Boston.

[Roan]

It's a Boston baseball hat.

[Francis]

That's not Red Sox.

[Harry]

That's like a off brand. Like you buy it from a African dude who's like selling stuff set up on the side of the road and he's like getting a ticket but still sells you.

[Roan]

This is just. You're a fan of baseball and Boston, so most likely the Red Sox. Probably the born Braves as well.

[Francis]

Minor league ball.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

That's sick.

[Roan]

You guys never saw the Bourne Braves? Been to a couple games? Yeah. Cape team.

[Harry]

It can't be me. I can't be going to minor league baseball games.

[Roan]

Right by the Born bridge.

[Harry]

Yeah. I can't be going. And actually, that name is racist, brother.

[Roan]

I don't think the name is racist.

[Harry]

Then what's the. What are those two feathers?

[Roan]

I think it's the feathers that are racist.

[Harry]

What are the feathers? Okay. Can't be wearing feathers.

[Roan]

I do feel like it's a little lame to be like. And I'm not going to make fun of any of the black women on stage because like, that's a little pre.

[Harry]

That's just very 2017. Yeah, that's like.

[Roan]

Like, what are you talking about?

[Francis]

That is agenda driven.

[Roan]

Yeah. Someone was like, this is gonna say this. They're gonna cheer sales through the.

[Francis]

And by the way. By the way, the Cheryl Underwood. Yeah, right. She came on and she did deliver a little bit of a preach point, but it was a great point, which was we have, all of us up here, we're all making fun of each other.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And that's the way it should be. This is freedom of speech. Like, this is great. Everybody chill the fuck out.

[Harry]

So she's a CHUD the Builder fan, because that's his argument. His argument is that it's just freedom of speech to call black people the N word in the streets with a hard R on the end of it.

[Francis]

Well, I would love to see General have a conversation with her because I think she would bury him. Yeah.

[Roan]

She would kill him, of course.

[Francis]

And then. And then he would just fight her physically.

[Roan]

Pete Davidson's joke about her being the Bob Bop. What was it? The guy, the horror movie.

[Francis]

The Babadoo.

[Roan]

The Babadoo. Yeah. Yeah. That was crazy.

[Francis]

Who was it? Tony or. No, it was Big J. Big J did this run where he was like, you look like someone wished for genie to bring a puddle to life. If. If, if There were wall. Someone painted a wall. You. You'd be the. You look like the. The hole that someone painted on a wall that Roadrunner could run through. And then his run of what, like the 50 Cent and Chelsea Handler?

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

He goes. He's like incense and fired gun.

[Roan]

This. This is what I was thinking. This was the Chelsea Handler thing that I was confused by was the end of her set when she kept on talking about how, like, all of the men are, like, shitty men, but, like, Kevin Hart is like, a great, great man and family man, and it's like he has multiple cheating scandals.

[Harry]

But that's the. I think that's got to be the joke. She's making news.

[Roan]

Was that a joke, though?

[Harry]

It gotta be, because that's obviously.

[Francis]

I don't think so. I think that was like. He's the only man who never has said anything inappropriate. Yeah. Did you see the moment where Kevin Hart was talking to Pete Davidson and was like, how do you get all.

[Harry]

You.

[Francis]

You've got the best dick, you. All the girls.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And. And Pete was. Went, you. And he goes, no, cut that. Cut that. What are you talking about, Pete?

[Roan]

Oh, I didn't see that.

[Francis]

Yeah, go back and watch that part.

[Roan]

Yeah. That's the thing that I was like when I was saying that there's obviously stuff that they weren't allowed to talk about. That's clearly one of the things, because how does that not come up, that he cheated? Well, there were. It was, like, massive scandals.

[Francis]

It was a big public affair. Yeah, right.

[Roan]

Literally in the. It was on the news, like CNN was showing it.

[Harry]

Who would. You guys. You would want to roast Dave if it was somebody within barstool? It's the only person that makes sense, right?

[Roan]

I guess. Yeah. Dave's the only one that would make sense.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Big cat. But I know. I don't think I would want to roast Dave, to be honest.

[Harry]

Because you couldn't make Jewish jokes.

[Roan]

Exactly.

[Francis]

It's always amazing to me when they, like, really track carefully the point in the wife's pregnancy at which the husband cheated on her. Yes. She was just into her second trimester when it was found that he had banged a. A world operator at the Coney Beach Fair. And clearly horrible.

[Harry]

You got to stop trying to defend Rossini out here, brother. She did what she did.

[Roan]

I was saying, I think Rabel might have to claim gay.

[Harry]

It's my bestie.

[Roan]

Yeah. I think that's the only way out.

[Francis]

Grable.

[Roan]

Grable.

[Harry]

Yeah. Gable.

[Roan]

I mean, there. He's in. He's in big trouble.

[Harry]

Why?

[Francis]

What. What now?

[Roan]

Oh, it just keeps getting worse. But it's like every day it's worse than last. They got photos of him while she's pregnant and they're like on a boat together.

[Francis]

How generous.

[Roan]

They rented a boat, named her child Mike.

[Francis]

It was their baby Moon.

[Roan]

She named their child.

[Francis]

They were on their baby.

[Harry]

Oh, my God. Yeah, it's. It's a vicious time against him.

[Francis]

Tell you what.

[Harry]

There has to be some other kind of story that can distract from it.

[Roan]

Yeah. Bring back mayo.

[Francis]

I don't know why anyone would give Vrabel a hard time for that. As far as I am concerned, that's goddamn noble. Taking your pregnant lover on a.

[Harry]

That is actually vacation.

[Francis]

Eight months pregnant, that is. My wife's pregnant. Eight months. We're not going outside. No, stay covered up.

[Harry]

Or just the fact that he didn't deny her. You know what I mean? That he just like stayed attracted to her like there. If it is. If it is true love, they just get. If they just get married, like, it all goes away.

[Francis]

Sure.

[Harry]

She's already married to another person and so is he.

[Roan]

I don't know if that. I don't know if they get. I think if they get married, it gets a lot worse.

[Francis]

What? No, people accept it at that point. That's what happened with Prince Charles and Camilla.

[Roan]

Camilla Cabell Camillo. Yeah.

[Francis]

Like everyone was upset about him having an affair on Lady Diana.

[Roan]

And then he got married.

[Francis]

He just like forever stayed with Camilla and people like, oh, that's who he loved all along.

[Roan]

Johnny Cash.

[Harry]

Who else? Who else did.

[Francis]

Johnny Cash. What happened there?

[Roan]

He had an affair with what's her name?

[Harry]

June.

[Francis]

Yeah. Oh, and. Oh, no.

[Roan]

Who's the girl that he does the songs with?

[Harry]

Loretta Lynn.

[Francis]

The.

[Roan]

His. His.

[Francis]

Like Witherspoon.

[Roan]

His side. His.

[Harry]

June.

[Roan]

Yeah. My bad, Ron.

[Harry]

Well, he was the.

[Roan]

Vivian was his wife.

[Harry]

But how old was June? Or who had the young girlfriend? Was it him or Elvis?

[Roan]

Probably Elvis.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I think Johnny Cash was always with June after Vivian.

[Harry]

Elvis was a freak. Ginger Alden.

[Roan]

Apparently Elvis got. Got Johnny Cash onto the drug.

[Harry]

He did.

[Roan]

According to the movie Walk the Line.

[Francis]

I could do. I could go for another watch of that.

[Roan]

It's so good.

[Harry]

Elvis was on lean. Elvis had a bit. He had a big walk of lean.

[Roan]

Really?

[Harry]

That's why he couldn't shit. That's why he died on the toilet. That's why he was so damn backed up.

[Roan]

Did you see that video of Chief Keef getting off the plane?

[Harry]

Yeah, we were just talking about crazy the caption was even funnier, though.

[Roan]

Yeah. That they all got shit in their ass.

[Harry]

That. That between the. Between the 10 of them, they've taken two bowel movements in the last week.

[Roan]

Look at the second guy that gets off. Look at his stomach.

[Harry]

Is there a better life?

[Francis]

That's Chief Keef right there.

[Roan]

No, no, no. You'll see.

[Francis]

That's just.

[Harry]

That's just his friend who gets to do drugs and go around the world with him. The dude who's hit the actual jackpot.

[Francis]

So they're all really fucked up, is the point on Lean.

[Roan]

I mean, they look at this guy that's just all shit.

[Harry]

Just stumbling in all different directions. Just a terrible lifestyle.

[Francis]

Oh, man.

[Harry]

Or the best lifestyle. What do they do that they're rich. Like, how do they get their money?

[Roan]

Nothing. They're just friends with Chief Keef.

[Harry]

And does he buy their clothes? Because their clothes are expensive.

[Francis]

He gives them, like, a per diem, I guess.

[Roan]

But how much money does Chief Keef have? Realistically? He hasn't been.

[Francis]

Chief's got a lot of money, but

[Roan]

he hasn't put out a heater in decades.

[Harry]

I think if you can tour, you can put some heat out.

[Roan]

But is he still touring like that?

[Harry]

He's the Seinfeld of the rap game.

[Roan]

No, he's not. He is.

[Harry]

He just has, like.

[Roan]

He's independent.

[Harry]

He's independent.

[Roan]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Francis]

Estimated net worth got a lot more than 4 million. If he's flying private.

[Harry]

You'd be surprised, though, because some rappers are actually not responsible with their money.

[Roan]

Some of them are.

[Francis]

That isn't right.

[Harry]

Some of them will actually. You're thinking money.

[Francis]

You're thinking of NBA players.

[Roan]

Oh, he signed with Interscope.

[Harry]

That's true, too.

[Roan]

In the scope.

[Harry]

No. Hmm.

[Roan]

$300,000 advance. That's crazy for Chief Keef. Who would have thought?

[Harry]

But that's 2012, though.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

That's when you could still be. Still be racist.

[Francis]

Dude, I'll say one more thing about Boston. Every time I just went and I'm like, why aren't we living there in Boston, bro, Boston is fucking amazing.

[Roan]

Boston's amazing because it's like the whole city is like the West Village. Correct. But it's freezing and it' impossible to get around. And the public transportation could not be worse.

[Francis]

Well, that seems a little reductive.

[Roan]

One of the most expensive places in the country to live.

[Francis]

Oh, wouldn't know what that's like, paying this kind.

[Roan]

This city is.

[Francis]

Yes. As far as expensive.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

You know, it's the most expensive city I've in the. I think in like, Monaco or London maybe, but, like, I feel like in

[Roan]

the last year it's bumped up.

[Francis]

Like, it's crazy.

[Roan]

Like, it's like every day I'm like, what in the.

[Francis]

There's just no way that Boston's rental retail prices are. Are as bad as New York City. No chance.

[Roan]

I don't. Yeah, I think you're probably right.

[Francis]

And I also didn't find that the public transportation was as bad as you said. I thought that the T worked pretty darn well. It was quick and clean.

[Roan]

And you were taking the tea. What are you doing?

[Francis]

See? How can you say, what do you

[Roan]

think you're Jay Z?

[Francis]

How can you say, are you famous? The public transportation in a city is terrible when you are.

[Roan]

I just don't know why you're taking the tea to the garden.

[Francis]

I didn't. I didn't. The last time I was there, I went over to Harvard to walk around and then came back. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

Of course. I grew up in Massachusetts.

[Francis]

I know that. But I'm saying, why is the tea bad?

[Roan]

It's just not as good as other cities.

[Francis]

I didn't think it was worse necessarily than New York.

[Roan]

I mean, if you look at the map, like, it's just. It is like New York. You can get anywhere with public transportation in Boston. You can.

[Francis]

Can't.

[Roan]

They got dead zones.

[Francis]

Okay, that's true. Probably that's what you meant. Boy, it took a lot of work to get you right on that one. We really had to work.

[Roan]

I think you misunderstood me. It's all right. Nothing wrong with that.

[Francis]

I misunderstood you because I took you at your word.

[Roan]

Exactly. Big mistake.

[Francis]

Forgot there was a lie within a truth that was concealed by another lie that needed a truth in order for a true to become all true.

[Roan]

Exactly.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Any updates on our. Our Indian brother over at J.P. morgan?

[Harry]

I haven't seen anything this entire week. No, my algo's just been chud and Spencer Pratt.

[Roan]

I haven't even really been on the algo lately.

[Francis]

So.

[Harry]

You see, Spencer Pratt's running for Metro Los Angeles.

[Francis]

I heard that. I heard he's actually, like, got a shot.

[Harry]

He was very reasonable.

[Francis]

Wow.

[Harry]

He's just like, yeah, we. We need to get rid of crime and we need to stop letting people be naked kid, use drugs, have. Do violence and abuse dogs in public if they're homeless. If you have a house, you can do those things. But if you're homeless, you're not allowed to do those things. And he said it's going to be a two week grace period, then he's cleaning everybody the up Love.

[Roan]

I like that. I like that a lot.

[Harry]

So two weeks of unbridled crime and then you just get pratted.

[Roan]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't think the homeless should be allowed to be dogs or be naked.

[Harry]

It's not very progressive of you. You. Oh, I'm just Chelsea Handler. Wouldn't like to hear that. Brother

[Roan]

Chelsea Handler.

[Francis]

Son of a boy. Dad is Brought to you by Factor. I've been traveling non stop and I gotta tell you, it's hard for me when I get back and I'm only home in my home for two to three days before I turn right around to get to the grocery store and fill it up with all the right produce and ingredients and things and think about meal prepping and all.

[Roan]

All that.

[Francis]

Luckily factor makes that all easy. Hunger strikes and you're exhausted. Think of this. Picture this. There's something healthy in your fridge pantry that you should be making, but you just don't have it in you. And for me, eating healthy isn't a willpower problem, it's a setup problem. Until I found factor. I order my meals ahead of time, they arrive right when I get home. And I've got pre, perfect, perfect, you know, pre portioned meals for the entire week. The best with factor. I'm hitting my nutrition goals this season without the planning. Grocery runs are cooking for strength and workout recovery. Check out Factor's muscle pro collection. I've been on this, I've been trying this out and let me tell you something, all that mass that I put on, I'm starting to like maintain cut a little bit. Feeling great. Okay. Fresh, never frozen. Over a hundred rotating weekly meals including globally inspired flavors like Mediterranean and Asian. So there's always something new to look forward to. Ready and two minutes. Factor shops, preps, cooks and delivers straight to your door. So you have more time for everything you love this spring. Head to factor meals.com sun50off and use code SUN50OFF to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27th of 2026. See website for more details.

[Harry]

Yeah, I haven't heard anything about my Indian bro. Sad to say he fell out of the spotlight. And those people's lives are just ruined in the wake. I know they ran out of stuff to come out about that, like the Chelsea Hand or the Diana Rossini. There's always something new that comes out about it. They just ran out of new info yeah. You know, the New York Post would find it all.

[Roan]

How powerful do you think, like, JP Morgan is in the grand scheme of things? Like, do you think that they like,

[Francis]

they're like a nation state?

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, of course. But like, so, like, how do you think that works? Like, so JP Morgan has a K. They have a situation where they got this, this Indian bro who says that the, his boss, he was a sex slave and all this.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Like, if JP Morgan wants that story to not, like, we all know the story, we all heard the story. There's probably a ton of people that have no idea. Right? People that aren't online all day.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Like, if JP Morgan is like, we don't want this to become a public thing at all. Like, they have the power to just like, not like, can they just. What do they do? Do they just like, go to Elon Musk and they're like, get this algorithm? No, here's a billion dollars?

[Francis]

No, once. No, I don't think. I think that once that genie's out, the only way for them to do that is to catch it before it leaves the walls. But like, when, but like be like, here, here's $10 million. Don't say another word about this. And here's an NDA and blah, blah, blah. And they, they, they catch and kill it.

[Roan]

Yeah, to speak. But I guess more what I'm asking is like in, like everyone says that all these multi trillion dollar, billion dollar companies and whatnot are like, they like control everything. So it's like, what do they do to do that? Like if, like, like it, like for

[Francis]

example, like threats, money.

[Harry]

Money.

[Francis]

That's it. It's, it's, it's a combination of instilling fear and, and paying off, like for like, like if you don't take the money, we will do this and you will be ruined. We will reach out to every other bank on the street. You will never work another. You'll lose your trading licenses, whatever. Yeah, you'll never get another job on Wall Street. That's it

[Roan]

seems, Stan.

[Harry]

Yeah, see, if I was that hard, I would just save the $10 million and kill the person. Yeah, I feel like killing like, bit higher on the list, but that's another good question.

[Roan]

Like, do you, like, how many people do you think JP Morgan as a company have had killed?

[Harry]

Probably, realistically.

[Francis]

Well, probably fewer now because. But back in the day, maybe, maybe some Putin does this. Putin is the last one to almost brag about doing this.

[Roan]

What?

[Francis]

Killing people, Killing the oligarchs, Killing anyone who spoke out against his regiment regime.

[Harry]

Isn't there a big tree of people who were like, wasn't there, like, some, like, people who are close to some alien getting killed? Isn't there. Isn't that happening right now? I keep on seeing, like, scientists. Yeah. Scientists are dropping left and right.

[Roan]

They're dying. Like, 10 of them die a week. Right.

[Harry]

Can we pull up the scientists? The, The. The. The, like, flowchart of all the scientists that.

[Roan]

That's what I'm asking is, like, how do they. Like, how is this. How does this happen?

[Harry]

Because it's not Putin and it's not JP Morgan that's doing it.

[Roan]

Oh, it could be jp. We don't know.

[Harry]

Know that recent scientist deaths. And there's even. There's even more than. There's like. There's like 12 of them, and they're all just. They're dropping like flies. Scientists, jpl, a lot of JPL people.

[Roan]

So it's like, what happens? Like, they're just, like, what do they just. At work one day, and they stumble upon something, and then 12 missing or

[Harry]

dead scientists, and who's doing it and who's killing.

[Roan]

Killing them.

[Harry]

Yeah. And then why would JP Morgan not just kill. And if it's going to cost $10 million, I just want to know, like,

[Roan]

I just want to know how, like, they should have to release how many people these companies have killed. Like, because don't you want to know

[Harry]

we need transparency from the companies who they're killing. Exactly.

[Roan]

Don't you want to know, like, if Gopuff has ever had anyone killed? Doordash.

[Harry]

Yes.

[Roan]

Like. Like, I want to know that Nathan's hot dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had to kill that one guy,

[Harry]

put him in the dog. And they had. I'm sure that they have. GoPuff definitely has DoorDash 1000%.

[Francis]

Well, DoorDash has had many guys die, and they always erase the cam footage from the, like, traffic lights.

[Roan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Francis]

Because it's like, oh, wipe their search history.

[Harry]

Why is my order not here yet? Yeah, because they had him because he was a scientist delivering doordash.

[Roan]

Exactly.

[Francis]

Harry, my question for you would be that if, you know, you live a rich, fruitful life, as I said, suspect you will, and you die someday. Do you. Will you feel disappointed if at the end of your life, you don't have answers to these questions?

[Roan]

No, no, no. I'm not one of those people that's like. Because there are people that are like that, you know, like, I need the answers. Mine's more just speculation and just Wanting to know, does it like. I think it's just.

[Francis]

Does it occupy you? Does it? Does it?

[Roan]

No, not at all.

[Francis]

Spin your wheels all a lot?

[Roan]

No.

[Francis]

So you're content in the not knowingness?

[Roan]

I think like during the Epstein stuff and like the ira, beginning of the Iram war and all that I was. It was occupying my brain a good bit. But then you get to a point where you're like, it's all fucked. Like it were. It's so fucked. And there's just nothing anyone can do about it. So it's like I still keep up with all the stuff and I still like read about it and pay attention, but like there's nothing you can do.

[Francis]

Yeah. So. So you say it's all a mess and then you just say there's nothing I can do. And that's how you kind of make your peace with it.

[Roan]

I mean it sucks. Like I remember you said something similar but like that a while ago and I remember in my head being like, that's stupid. And then now I'm like, you're not wrong. Yeah, there's nothing you can do.

[Francis]

There's nothing to be done.

[Roan]

Just like the, like that you're like viewpoint on big news stories and stuff like. Like that. When we were talking about the Epstein stuff like months ago.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

And you were like, I don't. There's nothing we can like I can do about it. So I try not to have an impact on my day to day life. Yeah.

[Harry]

That's.

[Francis]

That is what, you know, enhanced knowledge to me gets me nowhere.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

It's like I know then I'm going to become a citizen journalist or a fucking sleuth and start like hunting down leads and obsessing over it. Yeah. I'm not going to.

[Roan]

I think it's good to like be educated on like the big things that are happening in the world. But at the same time like. Yeah. It's like if you go down the rabbit holes enough, you just really are like nothing makes sense. Sense. Like none of these things make sense. And it's like you can listen to the news and all that, but like they're just lying their asses off. So it's like, yeah, there's really nothing you can do. Just being lied to constantly.

[Francis]

I read a. Holy shit. I know. I invoke Japan a lot, but I read an article about how Japanese citizens1 don't really have a great sense of like who their politicians even are.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

They're not following it. And it's because. Because their overall feeling is that they're doing a decent enough job.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

They have a latent, if not willfully ignorant faith in their political system, which is the other side of where I've gotten to, which is that I have a latent willfully ignorant loss of faith in our political system.

[Roan]

And that's everybody.

[Francis]

So I've just chosen like, I'm not going to rail up about it. Yeah. It's all broken. It's all a mess.

[Roan]

That's the thing. It's like, it's so like it, it, it. In the beginning you're like, well, someone's got to do something. And then you're like, there's so many more. And then like even. And we're just going off of what we know.

[Francis]

The second you try to do something, you're gonna run into a guy at your next like high school reunion who's gonna get in your face and start screaming at you for like feeling a certain way or two, trying to say anything proactive. You're like, oh, I've. I've met my match. Time to sit back, sit out again for the next 10 years.

[Roan]

Yeah. It's just, it's, it's, it's a, it's a never ending.

[Francis]

But look, my point in that is there's no winning. No. But the win is being a good person.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And just not. Don't ruin anyone else's day or life. Yeah. Right. Like, you know, you can still contribute by just like not being shitty. Yeah. Don't drive drunk and put other people at risk. Like don't trash the Internet.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And spam and all that. Don't, don't throw literal trash on the ground. I don't know. Pick your claws. But

[Roan]

yeah.

[Harry]

Guy plays td Garden has all the answers.

[Francis]

I don't think I have a single one of the answers.

[Harry]

I'm joking.

[Francis]

I'm just totally Zen right now.

[Harry]

That's so nice.

[Francis]

I'm very zen.

[Harry]

Let me borrow a little bit of it.

[Francis]

You're the most zen person I know.

[Roan]

It's cuz he's on so much drugs,

[Harry]

I don't even know where the fuck I am right now.

[Francis]

You start your day stretching for an hour. I can't even imagine.

[Harry]

That's just. I have terrible. My body is a fucking train wreck.

[Francis]

I know.

[Harry]

God.

[Francis]

Stretching on me. I spent it. I spent 30 minutes stretching at the gym yesterday. Yesterday. And it hurt so much doing it that I was like, I don't think I can ever do that again.

[Harry]

People hit me up every day asking for what my stretching app is it's called Bend. It's called Bend, the stretching app, and I can't recommend it enough.

[Roan]

You ever wake up and you're like, I don't want to do this.

[Harry]

Then I do the nighttime one.

[Roan]

Nothing wrong with that.

[Harry]

Nothing wrong with that. It helps you sleep better if you do a little stretch. Happy Baby. Oh, yeah, Sleeping like, I always get so scared somebody's gonna walk into the room while I'm doing Happy Baby. Do you know what Happy Baby is?

[Roan]

It's the one where you're. You're like kicking your feet around.

[Harry]

You lay on your back and you hold your feet with your, like, with. As a wind tunnel your whistles while you do it. Imagine somebody opening like the. Like a babysitter, like walking in on me doing Happy Baby in my own living room. That'd be horrifying.

[Roan]

Take the kids.

[Harry]

They'd have to. I'd have child protective services definitely come by and just see what's up.

[Francis]

Oh, look at this.

[Roan]

This guy's doing Happy Baby Baby.

[Francis]

If it isn't. The Drake May game worn card that Connor Mook so graciously gave to Harry as a birthday present has not left our studio since it was given to Second house and has not come home with.

[Harry]

But you moved and you have way more room now and you're still not doing. You're still not putting up the. The stuff that has been gifted to you. You're not displaying it.

[Roan]

I don't think I was going to hang the card.

[Francis]

Signed personalized book from Louis Seacoast straight to the shredder.

[Roan]

It's in my apartment.

[Francis]

Autographed game worn card from Drake May as a gift from your opener.

[Roan]

It's not autographed.

[Francis]

Well, not yet.

[Harry]

Future autograph card.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Roberto Robert De Niro card. Is that hanging in the.

[Roan]

In the fucking.

[Francis]

I guess my question is, since I still love giving you presents even though you treat them like. My question is, what. What could I give you that would have enough sentimental value to you to bring home?

[Harry]

I know what the answer is. A blue hoodie. If you gave him a blue hoodie, he would.

[Francis]

You're not wrong.

[Harry]

I saw a UNC Wilmington Seahawks blue hoodie this past weekend that I was like, I'm about to fucking gift this shit to Sass because it had. You would have worn it for a fucking. Oh, definitely 200 day streak. No doubt in my mind.

[Francis]

Blue hoodie, blue hood.

[Harry]

Just get him blue hoodies from now on with like a little bit of like, localized writing on them.

[Roan]

I just don't really need anything. You know, that's not.

[Harry]

Now who's the zenist?

[Francis]

That's not what gifts really are, though.

[Harry]

Right now, who's the most?

[Roan]

There's nothing more Zen than turning down a gift, saying, I think you would actually like that more than me.

[Harry]

Did you guys give your mom's gifts?

[Roan]

Of course. The gift of my voice.

[Francis]

You sang to her tickets to the TD Garden show.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Is that what you gave her? Backstage passes, by the way? We. After the show, we were in the sort of like, green room, lounge area, and all the Boston Bruins were.

[Roan]

Yeah. Who was there was. Where we at?

[Francis]

I don't know. I'd have to look through the.

[Roan]

I think I asked if pasta was there. He said no.

[Francis]

Well, they just gave me their first names. They were like, hi, I'm Bobby.

[Roan]

Yeah, you said. You said you thought Charlie McAvoy was there.

[Francis]

I think so. Yeah. But I mean, all class, it. It's. It was such a surreal moment to me because. Because the first game professional, the first non minor league game that I ever went to in my life as a kid was a Boston Bruins game for my birthday in first grade. And we sat in the nosebleed seats, and it was the most, like, exhilarating, scary thing I've ever seen. I'd never been in a place that big. It was beyond belief. And for me to be in their stadium and then having these guys come up to me, it sounds arrogant, but they were, like, happy for me. Me.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

This was like the comedians night. And they were like, hey, great to meet you. Like, great show. Great set. One. And then I was with my parents, and they were like, want to come see our locker room? They were, like, excited to show us their locker room. And I'm like, well, first of all, you got to remember, they're all. They all are like, 24.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

So they're like giddy guys who are also just the best high teachers.

[Roan]

High tea.

[Harry]

Definitely high tea. Because they work their trunk so much,

[Francis]

and it was just like, so. What a surreal flip on my life. That.

[Roan]

That's pretty sick.

[Francis]

The Bruins.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

Coming to see me in their stadium.

[Harry]

That is amazing.

[Francis]

But, you know, but they all. On the show.

[Harry]

They saw you.

[Francis]

They got there on time.

[Harry]

Hockey. Hockey players do just look like in shape barstool fans, too.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

You know, like football players. It's like, oh, that's a football player. When they walk by, like, hockey players are like 6, 11 90, just, like, in shape. Young bros.

[Francis]

They all are pretty. They were better looking than I was expecting. And I think a big part of that is that face masks are mandatory in the NHL now. Or maybe they're not mandatory, but everyone wears them.

[Roan]

No, I would say almost no one wears them.

[Francis]

I'm talking about the visor. Oh, the glass visor that goes across their eyes.

[Roan]

They still get banged up.

[Francis]

For sure they do. But, dude, the faces of hockey players, like, 20 years ago looked like old punching bags.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah. Now I just remember Charlie McAvoy specifically last year at the end when they got booted from the playoffs. Like, his face was destroyed.

[Francis]

Yeah. I mean, look at. Was it Jack Eichel? No, it was the guy who scored the game winning goal in the Olympics.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah, yeah. The. I forget what his name is.

[Francis]

Jack.

[Roan]

The teeth.

[Francis]

Yeah, his face got all mangled up.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

You know, that definitely still happens, but the. The residual scar tissue, the, like, the holes in their faces of your. Yeah. Maybe I'm wrong. This is just my theory.

[Harry]

And now the guys are like, biz and, like, have perfectly good faces and

[Francis]

they're not fighting as much in the NHL now. Probably true as they were.

[Roan]

Probably true.

[Francis]

Yeah. Pretty cool experience. Pretty cool weekend. Boston was amazing. Then I drove back yesterday and the drive was five and a half hours.

[Roan]

Yeah. Why'd you drive?

[Francis]

Because I was playing golf down there and just had to carry my golf clubs and, like, didn't know exactly what my plans were going to be. I didn't know if I was doing Saturday night.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

And if I hadn't been, I would have thought about leaving early and coming back or going up to my place.

[Roan]

So did you go on Friday?

[Francis]

No.

[Roan]

No.

[Francis]

No.

[Harry]

What'd you do on Friday?

[Francis]

Went out to dinner.

[Harry]

Nice.

[Francis]

Yeah. Nothing crazy. And then on Saturday, I was going to go to the Red Sox game, but it got rained out, so I was at a bar in Fenway, and that was when I got the text. Shane. I was talking to Shane. He told me to come by and do the show again, at which point I was like, I really wish I hadn't taken that pickle. But back.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah, you were hammered. You told me. I was on the phone with you. You told me you had, like, four Jameson shots.

[Francis]

I had one and three Coronas and was on my way.

[Roan]

Oh, loosen you up a little bit.

[Francis]

I thought I was going to a Red Sox game.

[Harry]

Yeah. Did you skip the first joke the second time or like, the first?

[Francis]

I didn't do the harbor thing again.

[Harry]

It worked.

[Francis]

No, I mean, I didn't do that at all.

[Harry]

And I'm saying it worked. Tonight, not do it. It was helpful.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Sick.

[Francis]

You know what would have been more helpful, though, was connecting with Harry to have him tell me not to do it.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I still don't. I think I would have been like, yeah, that's great.

[Francis]

You know that I remember in biology learning about. I think it was moray eels, where they told us that the moray eel attaches to the host, whether it's a, you know, a much bigger fish or something like that, and it just rides along with it through the water slowly.

[Roan]

Things that are next to the sharks, those little tiny fish.

[Harry]

No more. Eels are like long, longer eels.

[Francis]

Yeah. And they just clamp on and then they literally suck the life out of the thing that's.

[Roan]

Oh, I see.

[Francis]

Fly. And it's called a parasitic relationship where it only benefits one and hurts the other.

[Roan]

Oh, I see.

[Francis]

That's how I feel about our friendship. I call you call me. I'm excited to give you adv and help you pick up. We talk for a while. I call you.

[Roan]

It's like I was on live stream. They literally the entire weekend.

[Harry]

So we could probably see you. There's probably footage of you banging on the text. You could probably find footage of you not answering the call. When exactly did you call him? Let's see if we can triangulate.

[Roan]

3:00pm Well, I wasn't on. I wasn't on the stream then. I was getting ready for the Stream.

[Francis]

You know, 3pm on a Thursday at that time of day when people are usually not reachable, that's an off hour.

[Roan]

You know, I will say I was when you called me, it never registered. And then after I was in, then I was like.

[Francis]

You know what bummed me out, what really bugged me was that I called you like a few days earlier and you picked up and I didn't have anything particularly important to talk to you about. And I remember hanging up on from that phone call being like, I just burned one of my important phone calls. That's the only call I get with Harry this month where he will pick up and I know I'm going to have something more important I need him for. And he'll be like, I've already talked to Francis this month.

[Harry]

You got to ration them. It's like the new. I mean, if you don't have the certain card, there's only. You only get 15 visits to the Delta Lounge. Oh, yeah, you have to ration them.

[Francis]

Harry picked. He saw my phone ring. He's like, francis again. I talked to him three days ago. The do I. What, you think we're dating or something? Talked to him a week ago. Yeah.

[Harry]

You can't go to the Delta Lounge on the way there and on the way back on the same trip. You got to space it out. Yeah, too close in the Delta.

[Francis]

Well, I'm 34 of the way through my reserve card spend to reach unlimited access to the Sky Club for the entire year. So. 75 G's.

[Harry]

75 grand. Grand.

[Francis]

No big deal.

[Roan]

You're still pretty far off.

[Harry]

I gotta check my status. He says two thirds.

[Roan]

Oh, I thought you said you were 1/3.

[Francis]

No, I'm 2/3 of the way there.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah, you're cruising.

[Francis]

Yeah, I'm cruising.

[Harry]

I hit United on the way back this weekend. It was a joke.

[Roan]

What?

[Harry]

A joke of an airline.

[Roan]

Slums. I'm flying Delta tomorrow.

[Francis]

You're back.

[Roan]

They did me right. What if your drive was fueled with more. Like, more protection for more time on the road. Shelby Power Nitro plus provides more protection for longer lasting engines. So it helps you keep your engine running like new for whatever drive is ahead. Shelby Power Nitro plus engine performance that lasts compared to minimum detergent gasoline. With continuous use of Shelby Power Nitro plus and gasoline direct injection engines, actual effects and benefits may vary. See Shell us more protection. For more information.

[Francis]

You're back on.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

Back on the day.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I'm happy to hear it.

[Harry]

Riding the D. Had to buy one

[Roan]

of our coaches a ticket.

[Francis]

Let me see how far along you are.

[Roan]

Got a couple extra MQDs from that.

[Francis]

Nice. I'm at like 22 something. I'll be there by next week because I'm going to. I'm going to Europe this weekend.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah? Where the fuck are you going?

[Francis]

I'm going to Paris for four days.

[Roan]

I think we should. How far in are we? I didn't talk about that tomorrow, to be honest.

[Francis]

Right.

[Roan]

I'm just thinking like, what do we.

[Francis]

I thought you'd be like, cut it.

[Roan]

No, I was gonna be like, what do we talk about tomorrow?

[Francis]

Fine. Fine, fine, fine.

[Harry]

Yeah, whatever you want to do.

[Roan]

Keep going.

[Francis]

I don't worry about that. I don't worry about what we talk. I think we. I don't know.

[Roan]

I'm just thinking that's a whole. Another. That's a whole nother hour right there. We could. If we could find. We could use that tomorrow. I didn't mean. I didn't mean to, like. Don't tell the story. I just meant.

[Francis]

No, I don't know. I don't know.

[Harry]

Come back on Thursday and hear a little bit about. Are you about to give a sneak peek?

[Francis]

Give us a sneak peek. I'm going to. I'm going to Paris this weekend and then Ireland for like 10 days with foreplay, which I'm so excited for.

[Roan]

That's gonna be sick.

[Francis]

All of it feels like a victory lap after. I mean, ending the tour and doing change.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah. That is a victory year of France.

[Harry]

It's 2026.

[Francis]

No, no, no, no, no. You don't get back to back years.

[Harry]

Who would have thought?

[Francis]

Not a goddamn senator or some. Yeah, I get one year.

[Harry]

He's a lifer.

[Roan]

Two terms.

[Harry]

Yeah, he can't vote him out.

[Francis]

That'll be it. All right. Yeah, we'll be back on Thursday. Thanks, everybody for 400 episodes.

[Harry]

Thanks everyone for subscribing and being part of the journey.

[Roan]

Thank you. We will see you guys on Thursday. Sa.