Front Split | Son of a Boy Dad #323

Summary

---

Son of a Boy Dad #323 – "Front Split"

Date: August 5, 2025
Hosts: Barstool Sports (Lil Sasquatch [Owen], Rone [Francis], Dave Portnoy)
Theme: Life lessons, masculinity, pet peeves, sexuality, routines, and playful banter—Owen (Lil Sasquatch) is feeling adrift after dropping out of college and looks to his peers for guidance on adulthood, ambition, and what it means to be a man.

---

Episode Overview

This episode is a classic, riff-heavy Son of a Boy Dad, mixing personal updates, observational comedy, and Barstool-style commentary. The group dives into topics ranging from fitness goals and morning routines to sexuality, pets, divorce stats, and the mechanics of fairground games—all framed as informal life education for the allegedly “rudderless” Lil Sas, but ultimately a group therapy session in bro-logic and anti-establishment humor. Memorable for playful jabs about splits, the ethics of killing mice, sexual openness, and the misery of fantasy football.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Masculinity, Ambitions, and the Pursuit of the Split

• Owen connects "practicing resilience" with being a man, while Dave announces a new physical goal: to master the front split.
  • "My new goal is to do a front split." – Dave Portnoy (03:36)
  • Group jokes about stereotypes: the only kids who could do splits growing up were "assumed to be gay" but "maybe that’s cosmic, maybe it’s Maybelline.” (05:57)
• General riffing on how goals and resilience are tied to manliness.

2. Motivational Content & Netflix Docuseries

• Owen admits getting into motivational speeches, then praises the series Quarterbacks and particularly Kirk Cousins’ story.
  • "I didn't want to see anything...the Kirk Cousins stuff is phenomenal.” – Owen (07:01)
  • Discussion about Joe Burrow’s fashion designer and openness in the NFL (07:35–08:21).

3. Sleep, Morning Routines & 'Puttering'

• Debate over athletes' insane sleep schedules, particularly Joe Burrow allegedly going to bed at 7:00PM.
  • "Anyone that says they're going to bed at 7...I just don't know how that's even—like, how does that even..." – Owen (11:16)
• Reference to Jeff Bezos “puttering” for an hour each morning, sparking a debate on the usefulness of aimless morning activity (15:01–15:15).

4. Pets, Rodents & Urban Wildlife

• Big anti-mouse energy from Owen: “If I could kill all the mice on the planet, I would...Thanos snap my finger.” (19:02)
• Dave and Francis push back, arguing for the ecosystem's balance and lab mice's value. (20:02–21:17)
• Extended and ridiculous hypotheticals on eradicating mice, snakes, and the effect on eagles and quarters.

5. Sexuality, LGBTQ Discussion, & Statistical Deep Dives

• The group riffs on recent changes to LGBTQ acronyms, jokes about bisexuals:
  • “There’s another word for bi: horny.” – Francis (22:53)
• Francis drops stats: "72% of lesbian marriages end in divorce" vs. about 10–20% for gay male couples (24:33–25:03).
• They suggest sexual openness—particularly among gay men—might explain longevity in couples; relate this to openness rules like "having to hook up in front of the other person" (27:32).

6. Nightlife, Lesbians & NYC Observations

• Hilarious (and sardonic) talk about lesbian bars in NYC and fights outside them (28:26).
• Allusion to the "Cubby Hole" in the West Village.

7. Street Canvassers & Urban Life

• Francis recounts an encounter with "rockstar" petitioners outside Whole Foods, including being called out as “the barstool guy” (30:33).
• Jokes about canvassing for trans rights and "turning your computer screens all the way down" for a "dark out night" campaign (32:42–33:02).

8. Carrots, Rabbits & Food Propaganda

• Claim that "carrots make your eyesight better" was British WWII propaganda, not fact (33:29).
• Major anti-rabbit takes: "they're rats with long ears." (34:03)

9. Pet Ownership in the City

• Cautionary tales about French bulldogs' health issues and large dog breeds in NYC apartments (36:27–37:12).
• Francis and Owen debate rescue/adopt vs. shop, imagining adopting tarantulas instead. (35:30–36:02)

10. Snacks, Oreos, and Office Politics

• Office Oreo hierarchy: Double Stuf reigns supreme, basics shunned. (43:32–44:07)
• Extended goof on Annie's snacks, bunny branding, and animal loyalties.

11. Comedy Careers at Barstool

• Francis predicts Barstool won’t hire dedicated stand-ups again; Dave says the future is Barstool personalities turning to standup, not the reverse (52:00).
• Riff about the fearlessness required to survive online roasting vs. standup crowds (53:00).

12. Country Living & Fairs

• Francis describes small-town upstate life and reminisces about frustrating fairground games, calling traveling fair workers “dirty carnies” (63:36).
• Dave shares nostalgia about rigged carnival games, advocating for more "winnable" fun for kids (65:41).

13. Golf, TikTok Content, and Industry Hustle

• $25,000 cash golf match discussed—Barstool’s Riggs wagering serious content money (66:01).
• Capstone segment on side hustles: custom “boy dad hats” as a merch angle, dreaming of international “money printing” (67:37).

14. Random & Memorable Closing Bits

• Sarah Sherman Samuel—Barstool's favorite interior designer. (58:03)
• Banter on fantasy football: Francis can’t get onboard; Dave likens it to asking Francis to clean (61:08).

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You drink a whiskey drink, you drink a vodka drink. You drink a cider drink. ...You sing the songs that remind you of the good times..." – Dave Portnoy evoking Chumbawamba-style resilience (04:18)
• "Pressure makes diamonds. Pressure makes perfect." – Francis & Dave (04:27–04:31)
• "My new goal is to do a front split." – Dave Portnoy (03:36)
• "If I could kill all the mice on the planet, I would with one, and it wouldn't even look back." – Owen (19:02)
• "There's another word for bi: horny." – Francis (22:53)
• "Mountaintop's lonely." – Owen, after a discussion of pro athlete malaise (55:30)
• "I just started f*ing throwing money around. ...We all went home with stuffed animals, mini basketballs."** – Dave on how a fair should really run (65:41)
• "Boy dad hats. International shipping too, of course. Multiple languages." – Dave Portnoy on their next (totally unserious) money scheme (67:35)

---

Timestamps for Notable Segments

• Front Split Goal – 03:36–04:40
• Quarterbacks Docuseries Dissection – 06:38–08:21
• Morning Routines & Puttering – 14:22–15:24
• Mice, the Ecosystem & Ethics – 18:03–21:27
• LGBTQ Divorce Stats & Sexual Openness – 23:35–27:32
• Canvas Street Stories – 30:33–32:42
• Fairs, Carnies, and Childhood Regret – 63:02–65:41
• Big Money Golf, Merch Dreams – 66:01–67:37

---

Tone & Language

Irreverent, blunt, and deeply self-aware, the episode delivers "fratty” insight, with detours into social satire and personal confession. No topic is off limits, but everything is handled with the mocking, defensive style that’s a Barstool hallmark—blurring sincerity and parody.

---

Useful Takeaways

• Adult routines matter to self-identity—even if “puttering” means you just fold laundry.
• Goal-setting isn’t just physical—it’s funny, communal, and weirdly motivational.
• Barstool logic: All creatures (even mice) play a systemic role, but Owen would hit the Thanos button.
• Sexual and social openness are demystified, if always with a punchline.
• Being a Barstool guy means being unflappable, online and off—which is (maybe) more valuable than a college education.
• Never trust a tight carny.
• The only thing holding you back from international passive income is not printing your own “boy dad” hat.

---

For full banter, check the episode—these guys riff en route to insight.

Transcript

[Dave Portnoy]

Hey son of a boy. Dad Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. I'm not going back to college to be your friend.

[Francis]

I'm going so I can get Uber one for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber Eats.

[Dave Portnoy]

I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies and 6% Uber credits back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

[Owen]

Get Uber for students a membership to.

[Dave Portnoy]

Save on Uber and Uber Eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.

[Francis]

Join for just 4.99amonth.

[Dave Portnoy]

Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply.

[Owen]

New beyond raw lid v2 GNC's number.

[Francis]

One pre workout now with harder hitting energy, an intense mind, body connection and.

[Dave Portnoy]

Enhanced endurance support, this isn't just a pre workout, it's precision engineering for your body. Supercharge your workout with new Beyond RAW LIT v2.

[Francis]

Available now at GNC and GNC.com.

[Dave Portnoy]

Folks.

[Owen]

It'S the foreplay guys. Let's talk Truly Unruly. When you spend every day following the countless laws of golf like us, it's refreshing to get a little unruly. Whether that means using the old hand wedge to escape the bunker or just cracking open a hard seltzer that breaks all the rules, few things feel better.

[Francis]

Truly Unruly is the first high alk.

[Owen]

Seltzer that actually tastes good. It's hard hitting but still light and refreshing, making it perfect for everything from the front nine to the clubhouse. Find it near you at trulyhardselter.com Locations. That's trulyhardselter.com Locations Hard Seltzer Beverage Company.

[Francis]

Boston, Massachusetts Please drink responsibly.

[Owen]

Golf season is in full swing and.

[Francis]

Getting out there to work on your.

[Owen]

Game is bound to make any day even better. And if you're looking to improve your.

[Francis]

Drive, Chevy Equinox EV is the smartest.

[Owen]

Choice you can make. Bold athletic styling, a commanding presence, award winning tech and impressive range, all with.

[Francis]

An affordable msrp, Chevy Equinox EV will.

[Owen]

Put a smile on your face no matter how your scorecard shakes out. Back to this Lucy's the obvious choice for a true nicotine pouch connoisseurs. That's why they're official nicotine pouch partner of Barstool Sports. They go up to 12 milligrams in strength and have unique shape that feels great. We all use the breakers. They're the only pouches with a hydration capsule Inside they're a totally new kind of pouch, only available from Lucy. You pop it in your mouth, break it with your teeth and it's instantly hydrated, releasing that nicotine faster and it's a burst of flavor. No other pouch has that. I promise you that. Gas station pouches get the job done. But once you've tried Lucy, you won't want anything else in your pocket. These days, every business leader is under pressure to save money. But you can't crush the competition just by cutting costs. To win, you need to spend smarter and move faster. You need brex. BREX is the intelligent finance platform that breaks the trade off between control and speed with smart corporate cards, high Yield Banking and AI powered Expense Management. Join the 30,000 companies, including Barstool Sports.

[Francis]

That spend smarter and move faster with brex.

[Owen]

Learn more brex.com/grow. We are here live from HQ3 bringing you a new hour of heat. A son of a boy dad of liquid heat. A new hour of the son of a boy dad experience.

[Dave Portnoy]

I started training a new a new goal of mine. I just got a brand new goal today.

[Owen]

What is it? Best. That's mine.

[Dave Portnoy]

And you never fall short. I've never seen you falter.

[Owen]

I'm trying. Not there yet though.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, you are, bro.

[Owen]

It's all about resilience.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's the climb.

[Owen]

Honestly, I'm all about practicing resilience these days.

[Dave Portnoy]

The joys and the journey.

[Owen]

Yeah, exactly.

[Francis]

Problem is you haven't been knocked down.

[Owen]

Oh, I've been knocked down.

[Francis]

No reason to employ the resilience.

[Owen]

I've been knocked down, brother.

[Dave Portnoy]

No.

[Owen]

You get like you couldn't even imagine.

[Francis]

Be resilient until something bad happens, right?

[Owen]

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. No. I don't know if anyone's ever told you that. Hey, listen, it'll beat you up and knock you to your knees if you let it.

[Dave Portnoy]

You drink a whiskey drink, you drink a vodka drink. You drink a cider drink. You drink a locker drink. You sing the songs that remind you the good times Sing the songs that remind you the best times.

[Francis]

When the going gets tough, the tough get going. Pressure makes diamonds.

[Dave Portnoy]

Pressure makes perfect.

[Owen]

Been big into motivational videos.

[Dave Portnoy]

My new goal is to do a front split.

[Owen]

Really give up on that immediately.

[Dave Portnoy]

Imagine if I just sat down in front of you boys. Fucking dead. Eye contact with both of you, cross eyed. Hate it. And I just did a fucking front split in your fucking faces.

[Francis]

Harry drops like a piece of paper or something. You're like, oh, I'll get that for you.

[Owen]

You know, it's weird and it's not even like. Not even in, like in a homophobic way of saying it, but it is like when we were. When I was growing up, all the kids that were like, everyone assumed were gay who ended up being gay, all could do splits, easel. Like it was just like a thing. Like they all could do. They could.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, that is true. Someone looking you dead in the eyes with their hands on their hips, like.

[Owen]

Oh, yeah, they had recess banging out splits.

[Francis]

Uhhuh.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're just loose. And I don't know what it is.

[Owen]

I don't know what it is.

[Dave Portnoy]

Cuz like, they wind up in sports like figure skating and gymnastics. But it's not because those guys, those sports attract gay people now. It's because you, while being gay, are predisposed to having really limber.

[Owen]

I don't know if you are here. I think it might just be a coincidence, really.

[Dave Portnoy]

Just a cosmic maybe.

[Owen]

There's probably some straight bros out there who can do splits and just don't know.

[Dave Portnoy]

And maybe it's Maybelline.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

At what point does coincidence become correlation, Right?

[Dave Portnoy]

Exactly. It's causation. You don't know split. So you're just like, wow, this feels incredible.

[Owen]

I guess you are right because I remember being little and trying to do a split and you're like, I guess I'm strange.

[Francis]

You saw a pair of tits go bouncing by, like, I'll come right back up here. That hurts. That's too hard. My body's not supposed to bend that way, man.

[Dave Portnoy]

The best.

[Owen]

Absolutely the best. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Some motivational speeches on the wall just like they had up the posters.

[Owen]

Yeah, I've been liking motivational speeches. I've been liking. Oh, I started quarterbacks last night.

[Francis]

I'm gonna get into that. So good. Yeah.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I'm so glad to hear that. It was.

[Owen]

Dude, I started it and I was skeptical because I watched the trailer for the first season. I was like, this looks like a reality show. Like this looks. And it was like, Patrick Mahomes.

[Francis]

I know all about his wedding and stuff like that.

[Owen]

I didn't care about this at all.

[Francis]

That's what made me get out of it. Get in the huddle.

[Dave Portnoy]

Let's get in the locker room.

[Owen]

And then I. And then I started season two because Ronan Tyler were talking about it. And it is. I would say I was like, I don't want to see anything. I don't care about Kirk Cousins. The Kirk Cousins stuff is phenomenal.

[Dave Portnoy]

He is the best story the best.

[Owen]

Part of the whole entire show.

[Francis]

Hang on a second. Is this their previous season? Last season, yeah. Okay.

[Owen]

But it is like, it's really good. Like, it goes. It goes into detail about starts before the season.

[Dave Portnoy]

He goes into his rehab, his joy of signing with them. Then they talk about them.

[Owen]

Yeah, them drafting panics. It talks about Joe Burrow, like having. Playing the best football.

[Dave Portnoy]

He has a gay fashion designer.

[Owen]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

How cool is that?

[Francis]

A gashing designer.

[Dave Portnoy]

He has a gashing designer and he designed the.

[Owen]

He designed the backless suit that he.

[Dave Portnoy]

Wore at the fashion show.

[Owen]

He was.

[Dave Portnoy]

He walked in Louis fashion show, wore a backless suit.

[Francis]

Did he really?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, it was him and Justin Jefferson. And Justin Jefferson was like, nah. Yeah, not inward.

[Francis]

Wow, cool.

[Owen]

Yeah, it's good.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's perfect. It's so nice. Yeah.

[Owen]

They taught. They show like, him playing really well and then how obviously how their defense was dog.

[Dave Portnoy]

Doesn't him having a gay Asian fashion designer, like, make you see him different as a quarterback?

[Owen]

Not at all. I assumed his fashion designer was. Was a gay, gay, Asian, you know, but also he's showing up to the games wearing like mesh suits. So yeah, I kind of expected that.

[Dave Portnoy]

But like, even just the fact that he has the boldness to do that as a person, it's like, oh, yeah, he's gonna make that throw. He can make a layered throw over Cover 2 coverage.

[Owen]

I think he could be the best in the league.

[Francis]

Easily. Dresses like he's trying to make a statement about fishing and sustainable fishing, like the need to clean up excess netting and stuff.

[Owen]

Wearing like the six pack rings around your neck.

[Francis]

Yeah. Oh, what a giant dude one. That's funny. That was better. You did better.

[Dave Portnoy]

So statted. What made you been there if you hadn't brought that up?

[Francis]

Yeah, I allied, but he ooped so.

[Dave Portnoy]

Hard you can't oop on your own.

[Francis]

I. I heard a thing about him that made me really respect him even more as a quarterback, which is that I know someone who ended up going to one of those Michael Rubin White parties.

[Owen]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

And he was there and he said that Joe Burrow was just rolling and chain smoking blunts the entire time, but like rolling them himself.

[Owen]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, I thought you meant he was like rolling.

[Owen]

Yeah, I thought you meant he was rolling.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Francis]

He was like rolling up like, and then clip it.

[Dave Portnoy]

Clip it right up.

[Francis]

Chain smoking blunts. And I. It's like, you know, a guy like that, I don't know. I would have thought he would have the equivalent to that receiver that Stands up next to him to catch the passes while he's warming up of a blunt roller. Yeah. Because he's someone who needs to get dedicate all of his time and energy right. To learning plays and.

[Dave Portnoy]

But he made like he made 260 million. He could easily do that.

[Francis]

Why doesn't he have a guy right next to him? Some kid who rules the tightest, best blunts in the world.

[Owen]

He could just stay process.

[Francis]

Learned the process himself and perfected it and mastered it.

[Dave Portnoy]

The show starts with him playing piano.

[Francis]

Does he.

[Owen]

It's a little performative.

[Francis]

I had a feeling.

[Owen]

Let's relax on that.

[Dave Portnoy]

He was learning.

[Owen]

Let's just say he has a piano and he knows how to sit on next to it. He's literally just like pressing, right?

[Dave Portnoy]

No, it was his first time. You heard. You hear the song he was playing by the end.

[Owen]

I really want to get better at this.

[Dave Portnoy]

But I mean they couldn't show him rolling blunts. Like they're probably trying to illustrate Francis's same point, but they can't do it with that. So they're like, could you learn to play the piano real quick?

[Francis]

He's well rounded is what they're trying to say. But I said it a better way with a better vignette.

[Owen]

His whole thing about going to bed at what, seven during. During the season?

[Dave Portnoy]

Maybe I zoned out.

[Owen]

I don't know if that. No, I don't know if that's in the documentary.

[Dave Portnoy]

I don't know.

[Owen]

He. That's what he said that in. In past, didn't he?

[Dave Portnoy]

Okay.

[Owen]

I don't know if I believe it.

[Dave Portnoy]

I don't know. These guys need the sleep.

[Owen]

I believe that, but I don't know if I believe.

[Dave Portnoy]

Doesn't LeBron sleep for. Actually, it's LeBron. He's probably lying. He's like, I sleep for 16 hours.

[Owen]

A night like a lion.

[Dave Portnoy]

I sleep for probably like nine months a year.

[Francis]

French bulldog.

[Dave Portnoy]

I hibernate.

[Owen]

I don't know. I just like anyone that says they're going to bed at 7. I just don't know how that's even. Like, how does that even. Like you don't have anything going on after. Like, I can't go to bed at seven if you have. Like I have people reaching out to me for. If you two.

[Francis]

If you were friends with someone who went to bed at 7pm p.m. the two of you would never speak ever?

[Owen]

No.

[Francis]

No. You'd never be able to talk to each other.

[Owen]

I don't go to bed crazy. Or I do, but I Don't really as often anymore.

[Dave Portnoy]

You'd be shift passing for sure though.

[Francis]

But like seven is seven hours ahead of when you routinely go to bed. By the time he, by the time he's ready to wake up from a healthy night of sleep, you're like, I'm gonna take my last sip of diet Coke and shut it down.

[Owen]

What's the point? Like, so he's waking up when at 3.

[Francis]

3:30 would be my guess.

[Owen]

4.

[Francis]

And he starts getting going. That's what truly high functioning athletes do.

[Owen]

They wake up at midnight and wake.

[Dave Portnoy]

Up at eight because the practice facility opens probably at five o'.

[Francis]

Clock. My guess is that I go to.

[Owen]

Bed at like 11.

[Dave Portnoy]

But he's got to be the first one in the build. Like he's setting the tone.

[Owen]

I just, I, I just have a hard time finding any need to wake up at.

[Francis]

I'll tell you why. I tell you why this.

[Owen]

And I've always, I've always.

[Francis]

I'll tell you why this is the case. Okay, so you know, as a former almost profess athlete myself. Well, so we, the training room opened at 5:30 and we would have conditioning and lifting and stuff like that. Mandatory team stuff starting at like seven. So if you wanted treatment, you know, because we only had one trainer, two trainers that could help us for like 15 guys that needed treatment before everything. You had to get there early enough to get strapped in and do all your, get your lotion and all the hot tub cult, whatever at a time well before the mandatory stuff. And so my guess is that Joe Burrow, they probably have mandatory team stuff whether it's film or Lyft or whatever at like 8:30am, 9:00am Maybe earlier. Yeah, yeah, and she'll be up five.

[Owen]

Hours ahead of time for him to.

[Francis]

For him to have his morning. You know what I mean? Like. Yeah, yeah, you, you have a morning routine. Yeah, right. You wake up, you look at your clock, you're like, holy. We're recording the podcast in 15 minutes.

[Dave Portnoy]

I gotta jerk off.

[Francis]

I forgot we were going as early as 1pm today. And then you.

[Owen]

I was up hours before the podcast today. First one here too. So. Funny joke, but not true at all.

[Dave Portnoy]

Well why not 4 then?

[Owen]

Why weren't you were the last one here per usual.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, true. And what, what reason did I give for that? I'm sure I texted something.

[Owen]

Something. Some nonsense.

[Dave Portnoy]

Some nonsense.

[Owen]

Something about taking care of kids.

[Dave Portnoy]

So I'm absolute. I mean maybe he likes to just have a leisurely.

[Owen]

It is kind of because you were late before you had kids too.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. It's the best excuse.

[Francis]

I would. Much rather I would. This is what I would say. I'm at a point now in my life at 36, where it's more important for me to wake up earlier and get through my morning routine than it is to get that extra hour of sleep and like rush out the door.

[Owen]

Yeah, I get that. I'm. That's kind of what I'm trying to do.

[Francis]

Even if it means like going from eight hours to seven hours or from seven hours to six hours, I'm like, I gotta. If I'm going to the airport at like 8:00am, I'm waking up at, at 6:30.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Like leaving at 8.

[Owen]

Yeah. I would say mine's just I. I want to be up like two hours before I gotta. Before I have to leave.

[Dave Portnoy]

You ever hear Jeff Bezos's full routine? He says he spends an hour in the morning puttering around. He. He reserves an hour specifically to putter. That's like the word he used. He putters around.

[Owen]

So just like, just like pacing.

[Dave Portnoy]

I don't even know what puttering really.

[Owen]

Is, but I don't understand, like that, like that type of, like that doesn't even sound appealing, having that type of lifestyle where it's like, all right, time to put her for 30 minutes.

[Francis]

I putter a little bit, but. But my puttering is very productive.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah. It's running the dishwasher, folding laundry.

[Owen]

But do you have that scheduled in or is it. No, I just know that some free time. Let's putter.

[Francis]

It's time where I'm doing that type of stuff and not thinking. God, I gotta get down to. To real work.

[Dave Portnoy]

Just puttering around. Make yourself some coffee.

[Francis]

Tidying.

[Owen]

Yeah, I tidy all the time. I tidy it, say once or twice a day, but I'm not, I'm not. I don't have it like scheduled in.

[Dave Portnoy]

But is it a frantic, tidy, 30.

[Owen]

Minute, 30 minute putter or is it a meandering tidy? I tidy. Most of my day is spent tidying.

[Francis]

I don't see how that's possible.

[Owen]

No, I'll tidy. I tidy usually once or twice a day.

[Francis]

What do you like to do when you tidy?

[Owen]

Clean everything up.

[Francis]

And what does that mean? Clutter, declutter. So no, no spritzing or spraying.

[Owen]

Oh, I spritz and spray with your mouse and wash and scrub.

[Dave Portnoy]

409 Windex. What are we talking?

[Francis]

It's. He uses the minty Mouth mouse wash.

[Owen]

Well, I have that.

[Dave Portnoy]

I have actually was correct. You almost fumbled it and that's actually a beautiful alliteration that worked out so perfectly.

[Francis]

And it was a total mistake.

[Dave Portnoy]

Mouth mouse wash. Incredible.

[Owen]

I have that.

[Francis]

I have.

[Owen]

You know, I got a. I got a vacuum. I got.

[Francis]

You have a vacuum?

[Owen]

Of course.

[Francis]

Is it a Dyson?

[Owen]

No, it's the cheaper version.

[Francis]

It's one you got to plug into the wall.

[Dave Portnoy]

No.

[Francis]

Oh, it's an automatic.

[Owen]

It's an automatic. It's electric, but it's definitely.

[Francis]

How big is it?

[Owen]

It's like a Coleman.

[Francis]

I think.

[Owen]

It'S pretty good.

[Francis]

It's really. It works. It's the one that used to be sold by the guy that. Your wife door to door.

[Dave Portnoy]

Another vacuum.

[Owen]

I don't have a ton of space to vacuum. I just got it at like Home Depot or some shit.

[Dave Portnoy]

The wife came home with a new vacuum recently. It has an infrared green light on the front necessary that lights up all the dust. It's so satisfying. Trick my ass into vacuuming. It's so satisfying.

[Francis]

Good thing you don't have a cat.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why?

[Francis]

Oh, those lights drive those cats wild.

[Dave Portnoy]

Really?

[Francis]

Yeah. They sucked up into vacuums.

[Dave Portnoy]

Use the infrared. Mm.

[Owen]

I'm gonna get a cat in the fall. I think the probably two realistically adopt.

[Dave Portnoy]

Don't shop, bro.

[Francis]

Obviously war cat though.

[Dave Portnoy]

You need a lynx.

[Francis]

You need a warcat.

[Owen]

A warcat?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Owen]

What's a warcat?

[Francis]

That's one that's gonna. That's gonna go to work for you.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

It's the equivalent of getting a Doberman.

[Owen]

Yeah, but I don't want like. I don't want like.

[Francis]

But it's gonna. It's gonna solve your mouse problem.

[Owen]

I don't have a mouse problem.

[Francis]

You said you did.

[Owen]

I've taken care of it with my routinely sprays.

[Dave Portnoy]

You won't have to anymore. These will be bringing the mice to you in supplication. They'll be like another mouse.

[Francis]

Yeah. And also you're just going to kill those cats because they're going to eat poisoned mice.

[Owen]

Well, obviously if I got minty flavored mice, I would remove the poison.

[Francis]

The mice carcasses, you're going to finally take care of that.

[Owen]

Also, the spray is made of essential oils.

[Francis]

If that mouse spray is actually as effective as you say it is, I gotta believe it is not an all natural chemical.

[Owen]

It doesn't. Because it's not. It's not. It doesn't kill anything. It just repels them. It's repellent. They don't like the smell, so they say away.

[Dave Portnoy]

Does it work?

[Owen]

Yes. They're not Here. Haven't seen one in two years.

[Dave Portnoy]

They might know. They might be synced up with your schedule.

[Owen]

It could be.

[Dave Portnoy]

They do nasty things to mice for research. I would let them live a little bit. Being a city mouse as opposed to being a research. A lab rat. That would be.

[Owen]

If I could kill all the mice on the planet, I would with one, and it wouldn't even look back.

[Francis]

They're important.

[Owen]

Like, if it was, like, a button and it was, like, dead, all of them.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's the true sociopath.

[Owen]

Like Thanos. Snap my finger.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're. No, they're actually super essential.

[Owen]

I am inevitable.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, they're part of the ecosystem that we need.

[Owen]

Of what?

[Dave Portnoy]

You don't have the mice, then the cats have nothing to feed on, and they start eating the cockroaches directly. If the cockroaches die, the termites die. If the termites die.

[Owen]

Sounds, Nothing crumbles into the sea.

[Dave Portnoy]

Like 20. The firmament of Africa crumbling into the sea is a positive.

[Owen]

Is there a single redeeming quality for my sore rats?

[Francis]

Yeah, there's something.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're like, some of the smartest animals. What about lab rats, bro?

[Francis]

What do you think?

[Dave Portnoy]

Fouche was working.

[Owen]

You always say they're smart, not. Not smart.

[Francis]

How does it matter if not for mice?

[Owen]

It doesn't matter how smart animals are if they're not even going to ever be on a comparable level to humans. Like, mice are smart. Why? Because they can smell food.

[Dave Portnoy]

But that. Then it makes it. It's like a ethical thing to kill, basically.

[Francis]

To destroy to.

[Dave Portnoy]

To. To experiment on. And that's progressed us as a human. Like, your recourse to this is. Is whatever the Nazis were doing experimenting on humans. You're basically like, oh, we should always experiment on humans instead of mice that will only live for four years.

[Owen]

So let's. Here's an idea. Let's keep six mice. Will keep six mice on the planet.

[Dave Portnoy]

Okay.

[Owen]

And then, like, they can do all.

[Dave Portnoy]

The experiments on those mice.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

What are the snakes gonna eat?

[Owen]

Dumbass pellets? I don't know.

[Francis]

Sure.

[Owen]

We can make some that make their, like, teeth clean themselves or some.

[Francis]

You're gonna get to a species. You would say, oh, well, we don't need snakes either, right?

[Owen]

No, no more snakes either.

[Francis]

Yeah, but that's My point is, St. Patrick, through that food chain, you are going to get to a species that will get rid of a species we really like and need.

[Owen]

Yeah. So I'm just saying, mice, snakes gone. Yeah.

[Francis]

But then, flick of a sweat, mice.

[Owen]

Wouldn'T even think if it was right here.

[Francis]

Mice gone means snakes are gone. Snakes gone means eagles are gone. And then how do we. What's the point of the quarter?

[Owen]

And why are eagles gone and snakes are gone?

[Francis]

Eagles eat snakes only exclusive.

[Dave Portnoy]

You never saw the Don't Tread on Me flag.

[Owen]

I have.

[Dave Portnoy]

Or isn't America based on eagles eating snakes?

[Francis]

Yes.

[Dave Portnoy]

There's like, every flag has a eagle.

[Owen]

I could do without eating seagulls. We have seagulls.

[Dave Portnoy]

Don't even say that, bro.

[Owen]

Those are pretty good.

[Dave Portnoy]

Seagulls suck ass.

[Owen]

These seagulls aren't bad. There's less birds in the air. We would see more seagulls too.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's. And I know that you're a Birds fan. I know that you with the birds.

[Owen]

Yeah. Why don't you. You guys could be the Philadelphia Seagulls.

[Dave Portnoy]

There aren't even seagulls in Philadelphia. There's no body of water there. There's no gulls.

[Owen]

Go goals.

[Francis]

Fighting Seagulls.

[Owen]

G U, L, L, S. Goals.

[Francis]

No, they'd spell it G L E S at the end of goals.

[Dave Portnoy]

Eagles.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Wow. Calling them the gulls with just the same logo would be sick. So that would be sick merch to have ghouls.

[Owen]

I'm just saying. I'm not a mouse guy.

[Dave Portnoy]

Did you. Have you seen the new shirts that are out as LGBT and it's. Let's go birds. Transsexual. They are timeless.

[Owen]

But I have seen. Did. Did I read this? Was this a joke or is this true? Are they removing the bi community from the. From the lgbtq?

[Dave Portnoy]

They're kicking them out.

[Owen]

I. I think it could have been a joke.

[Dave Portnoy]

I wouldn't be surprised.

[Owen]

But I thought I read something that that b was being.

[Dave Portnoy]

Pick a side. I mean, that there's nothing more attention seeking than being bi.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Just be what you are.

[Francis]

Yeah. There's another word for by horny.

[Dave Portnoy]

Terminally horny and willing to do anything.

[Francis]

Omnivore.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. So insane to be bi because one of them. You're faking it. One side you're absolutely full of and you're doing it to be edgy.

[Owen]

Oh, absolutely. You're either gay or. Yeah, 100.

[Dave Portnoy]

You're either gay or not.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

If you're like gay and like, you're so gay that you're bi that you're like, no, I'm so gay. I don't give a fuck. I'll go back to where I came from.

[Owen]

Yeah. You can't be bi and be in like a long term relationship. A long Term like straight relationship.

[Dave Portnoy]

Because everybody's a threat.

[Owen]

You lose your bi. I heard you. Limitations.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yes.

[Francis]

I heard something so amazing and so damning the other day. Get this. So the divorce rate among heterosexual marriages is 50. Yeah, that's what they say. I think it's probably like more. More like 48, a little below 50. But I think the idea is that it's at 50.

[Owen]

Bro. Always wants to be special.

[Francis]

What do you think? What do you think? That was good. I'm in the minority. What can I say? You know, I'm in the bottom 48%. What do you think the divorce rate among gay couples versus lesbian couples is?

[Dave Portnoy]

Is it like 90 gay and like 15 lesbian?

[Francis]

What do you think?

[Owen]

I would say 20 gay, 5 lesbian.

[Francis]

Okay. What I was told, and I'm obviously, we're gonna need to fact check this. Owen, if we could. I was told that the divorce rate among gay couples is like 10% and among lesbian couples, 70.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh. So I was completely wrong.

[Owen]

We were.

[Francis]

Both of you were. Had it flipped?

[Owen]

Well, I had gays at 20, so.

[Dave Portnoy]

He had both low.

[Francis]

But you had. The point is you had women lower. Both of you had women lower than.

[Dave Portnoy]

Men, so even they can't stand them.

[Francis]

Correct. Owen?

[Owen]

72% of lesbian.

[Francis]

72% of lesbian marriages end in divorce. What about gay marriages?

[Owen]

That's insane.

[Dave Portnoy]

And then I also would wonder how many.

[Francis]

A third of that. Okay, so it's way, way less.

[Dave Portnoy]

And then I would wonder what percent of. Of straight marriages are initiated by the woman? And I bet it's the exact same percent as the lesbian divorce rate that.

[Owen]

Relationships are initiated by.

[Dave Portnoy]

That the divorces are initiated by the woman. Well, I'm not like, I Bet it's also 72% of divorce are initiated by a woman. And 72% of basically, women are the worst.

[Francis]

Am I right, boys?

[Owen]

I don't know. The worst. I don't know if I would agree with that. Because you gotta factor in all the dudes who are like, it. I'm getting devoted. I gotta. I gotta get back in the scene.

[Dave Portnoy]

But I'm saying That's only like 30. Whatever. Percent. 38.

[Owen]

You think?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, And I think it's mostly women. Do you think that many dudes are like, I gotta get back in the scene?

[Owen]

I think there's a good amount, but I also think there's probably a lot of dudes who are like, this is too much. They're like, I'll just live my life like this forever.

[Dave Portnoy]

I think men are way more like it.

[Francis]

I.

[Owen]

Oh, really?

[Dave Portnoy]

No. One does it.

[Owen]

That's. That's interesting.

[Francis]

They. Owen just said that they. The divorce rate in the Netherlands is basically non. Existent.

[Dave Portnoy]

Well, you're about to refute my point.

[Francis]

Well, I had a theory, but I'm sure that it is wildly assumptive and wrong.

[Dave Portnoy]

Talk to me. I mean I've been super wrong.

[Francis]

My gay friends tell me that in their gay community and their community of friends the idea of like sexual openness is far more common and received well and normal. So there's a little bit more flexibility on.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're all poly.

[Francis]

You talk about like wanting to get back in the scene. They are in the scene. True. In their relationships.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Francis]

They never left to some degree. And I'm not.

[Owen]

No, I think you're right.

[Francis]

I'm not saying everybody. Obviously that's not the case. But I don't.

[Dave Portnoy]

99.

[Francis]

I have. I have comic friends. Gay comic friends.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Who are like they're in serious healthy relationships and they're. And he. Buddy of mine told me he was like. My only rule, our only rule is that if one of us is going to hook up with someone else, it has to be in front of the other person.

[Owen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

And that the other person gets to choose who the other person hooks up with. So they'll be at a party and they like that.

[Owen]

Like very accepting, very open.

[Francis]

Well, it's. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

And then I need you to. My man.

[Owen]

I'm gonna need you to fuck my boyfriend now.

[Dave Portnoy]

A minute of your time.

[Francis]

See that guy over there?

[Owen]

I'm straight at the vending machine.

[Dave Portnoy]

I don't care. This is what we're into. Don't yuck my yum.

[Francis]

Don't you care about our future?

[Owen]

I got a good offer for you.

[Dave Portnoy]

Your dick, his whole. Ah.

[Owen]

I'm okay. I'm all set. I'm good.

[Francis]

Well anyway, that was my theory. I have no idea.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, that's. That's definitely true. And they're probably just like, yeah, so you sucked a little bit of dick. Like we're not gonna dissolve our financial institution over this.

[Owen]

I mean I've talked about it before. I've. I live right near a lesbian bar. They fight every night. Every night outside of my apartment. There's a blow up. Like you could in a. Between two girls. Every time I fucking hate you. Like screaming at the top of their lungs.

[Francis]

Is it called the Cubby Hole? Is that the bar?

[Owen]

I don't know. I don't know what it's called.

[Francis]

There's a lesbian bar in the West Village called the Cubby Hole. That's a.

[Owen]

There's like two, I think, in all of New York.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Owen]

So I probably shouldn't say that.

[Francis]

The Cubby Hole is also on Saturday morning. It's also an Arsenal bar.

[Owen]

Really?

[Francis]

No, I can see it.

[Owen]

I wouldn't be surprised.

[Francis]

You want to wake up at 5am and catch the new Arsenal game.

[Dave Portnoy]

Like the lesbian firms fighting against, like, the Everton.

[Owen]

Imagine being like a bartender at a bar like that and watching the people from the night before, like, file out. And then the soccer fans.

[Dave Portnoy]

I know that the lesbians could dust the American soccer fans easily. American soccer fans are not all of them, but a lot of them are the worst.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Guys who are up at 4. These are also 4am guys. These are Joe Burrows. Maybe Joe Burrows is watching Man City.

[Owen]

He could be.

[Dave Portnoy]

Honestly, dudes are just up at 4am on a Saturday.

[Francis]

There's a. There's a group of clipboard people right now outside the whole foods on 24th and 7th. Yeah. Where I went in to get my lunch today, and I haven't seen those people in a long time. The people who are standing back to back on the sidewalk as you come up, they're like, look at that shirt you're wearing. You know, I'm talking about the people.

[Dave Portnoy]

Who responded to job ads that are looking for rock stars. We need a rock star. And it's just you on the street being like, hey, can I get a second? Like, they throw you a football and they're like, you want to sign up to help the wwf?

[Owen]

Yeah. I haven't seen those in a while. When I first started at barstool, it was.

[Francis]

They were everywhere. And I haven't seen them in a long time. And there's a huge gaggle of them both sides of the street.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

On 7th Ave. Today, the rock stars are back. And I walked in and I had to pass a guy and he knew who I was. He goes, barstool guy. And I was like, dude, if you know who I am, what the fuck happened to you? How are you doing this job? Did you age out of camp counseling? Were you finally told? Like, I think this needs to be your last summer.

[Owen]

Pretty. It's a pretty, like, unforgiving job.

[Dave Portnoy]

I know you have to take just so much rejection.

[Owen]

It's just. It's the whole day. You're just. You're giving it everything you have.

[Francis]

It's like being a man getting.

[Owen]

Getting denied over and over.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Hey, man, can I get a second of your time real quick?

[Owen]

Up.

[Francis]

Well, I was like, I. I said to him, I was like, I'm sorry. I'm in a rush. And then I went into Whole Foods.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

Which, by the way, I know Aziz has a bit about this. Like, Aziz used to do a bit about this where he's like. And then I went into a Jamba Juice. They were like, you have a second for gay rights? And he was like, and then I went into a Jamba Juice. They watched me come in. And then when he came out, the guy was like, I thought you said you had something to do. And he's like, well, when I went in there, I saw someone making some homophobic comments, and I stabbed him. What have you done? But I went into Whole Foods, and then when I came out, he saw me again. He goes, dave said, it's okay if you talk to me.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, God.

[Francis]

And I'm carrying a bowl of rice and teriyaki salmon. And I went, I have to get to work. And he goes, dave already said that. He gave the okay.

[Dave Portnoy]

What. So what is their goal? They want you to sign up to pay 15amonth or something?

[Owen]

It's for. I think it's literally for anything.

[Dave Portnoy]

Is it?

[Owen]

Like, this was.

[Francis]

I think this was for trans rights. Which kind of pissed me off because I was like, dude, if you're that big of a fan, then you should know that I hate staunchly against.

[Dave Portnoy]

I mean, you said it time and time again.

[Francis]

How could you possibly. I always thought Dave would give me permission.

[Owen]

I always thought they were just trying to get you, like, signal.

[Francis]

By the way, I feel like I should qualify that.

[Owen]

Oh, obviously. Of course.

[Dave Portnoy]

I. That's what I think. I don't think it's just a petition, like, AT&T. If it's a petition, I'm like, whatever. I'll sign up for anything. Save the libraries. I don't care. But. But it's.

[Francis]

Stop reading online.

[Dave Portnoy]

Show up in person, crack a book joke. But I. I think that they will.

[Francis]

You join us in turning your computer screen all the way down to the darkest setting. That's what we're doing. We're calling it the dark out night. And we're all gonna do it. It's gonna be on June 48, and it is night.

[Dave Portnoy]

Way nicer on your body. I actually just turned mine.

[Francis]

Now nobody can read.

[Owen]

I got my on. I just keep my on that orange mode.

[Francis]

I don't know that mode, you know.

[Owen]

Like the nighttime mode where it turns your screen kind of like to an orange tint.

[Dave Portnoy]

You have been way more willing to do recently. Is that why? Because you turned off the blue light.

[Francis]

Your eyes have been a lot less bloodshot. And I thought it was because you kind of finally cut down on the gun.

[Dave Portnoy]

You know how they say that carrots make your eyesight better?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's propaganda by the big carrot. Oh, it's. It was propaganda by the British when they originally developed some technology. Maybe radar, but some kind of technology where they were flying during World War II and they could detect other people. And their propaganda was they had just been eating a lot of carrots. That's how they're able to do it, because it makes your eyesight better. But really, they had crazy technology. Cares. Do nothing for your eyesight, I thought. Wonders for your hearing, so. Francis, you should try.

[Francis]

Yeah, I should. My next guess, by the way, would have been the Anti Rabbit League of America.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, which I mean that rabbits are not as cute as they're portrayed. You grow up thinking rabbits are awesome. They're rats with long ears.

[Francis]

The more carrots, the more rabbits.

[Owen]

I disagree. I like rabbits.

[Francis]

On paper, you could get a rabbit.

[Owen]

I'm not getting a rabbit. I've had rabbits.

[Francis]

Not gonna get along with your.

[Owen]

They die. They die super easily.

[Francis]

Yeah, they do.

[Owen]

Rabbits will get scared and just.

[Francis]

Can I get you a pet?

[Owen]

No, seriously.

[Francis]

Could we get you a pet as a gift?

[Owen]

No.

[Francis]

Why not?

[Owen]

Because I'm just gonna get a pet myself.

[Francis]

What if we get you one and it's our choice?

[Dave Portnoy]

A gecko sounds awful. A gecko for you.

[Owen]

I'm gonna get a tarantula. Be one of those kids.

[Dave Portnoy]

We're never going to his house.

[Owen]

Yeah. I got a tarantula in my living room. He roams free.

[Dave Portnoy]

Those are. Those are bad.

[Owen]

Look who snuck up on me in.

[Dave Portnoy]

The middle of the night.

[Owen]

Just on your head.

[Francis]

Oh, were you cold?

[Owen]

Look who came to cuddle.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Bringing a girl.

[Francis]

I said not in the bed, but okay, one more time.

[Owen]

My tarantula.

[Dave Portnoy]

What's wrong? You haven't touched your rotting corpse.

[Owen]

Yeah, he'll sneak up. He'll just sneak right up on you. He loves that.

[Dave Portnoy]

This lady loves to play.

[Francis]

Nothing like waking up with a tarantula in your armpit in the morning.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, let him make a web under your. Under your legs.

[Francis]

You know, I was pretty lonely for a while, but then I got the trench and things are looking up.

[Owen]

Trapped to the ceiling every morning.

[Dave Portnoy]

Adopt, though. You have to adopt.

[Francis]

Finally redownloaded match.com.

[Owen]

Please do not buy, do not adopt the.

[Dave Portnoy]

Well, there's Tarantula Mills.

[Owen]

Yeah. There's so many good shelters in New York.

[Dave Portnoy]

They're killing the tarantulas. And even if you have to, like, they'll bring up crates of tarantulas from Puerto Rico and Florida and stuff like that.

[Francis]

Well, there's such a. There's such an in vogue accessory these days that people get them assuming it's not going to be a lot of work. And everyone underestimates.

[Owen]

You get the hypoallergenic that goes into.

[Francis]

Keeping a happy tarantula.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. It's brutal. It is. Some people say it's more engrossing than having children.

[Francis]

Did you know that French bulldogs are also a dog that is often given up? There's a huge amount of French bulldogs at. At shelters.

[Owen]

Well, why? Because they are a lot of maintenance.

[Francis]

There's so much maintenance. So people think that they're like, you know, whatever. It's a dog that is fashionable.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And so idiots get them because they're like, I want that handbag of a dog. Yeah. And then they underestimate that the dog is basically dying in real time. You know, bring it to the vet.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Give it. Get all that it needs.

[Dave Portnoy]

There's. It's so sad. There's a French bulldog that's. Someone in my building, like, slides outside every day. Just moves so slowly. It's just such a poor. Yeah.

[Owen]

They're just in pain constantly.

[Dave Portnoy]

I feel so bad for it.

[Owen]

Knows me when people in New York have like, big dogs too. Like, so you'll see something with like a Bernice Mountain dog and you're like, why? What would be the reason that you'd need that in New York?

[Francis]

Yeah. But that person also has a PJ and flies from Teterboro to Vail every weekend.

[Owen]

If that's what they do, then I have no problem.

[Dave Portnoy]

My richest friend in New York had a. A massive dog.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

A huge.

[Owen]

I'm just not a fan of like studio apartment husky or like an Australian.

[Dave Portnoy]

He thinks he's a small dog. Yeah. He's just all in all over your entire apartment.

[Owen]

Tons of people in New York have Australian shepherds because they're smaller. But those dogs are supposed to be like. Yeah, those are like. They're supposed to be running in fields. All righty, folks, let's talk about Kinsey. You know when a new shirt becomes your go to. Well, that's what happened when I picked up a few new pieces from Quince. They're the first things I reach for out of my closet. Lightweight, comfortable, and always on point. Quince has all the things you actually want to wear, like organic cotton silk polos, European Linen beach shorts and comfortable pants that work for everything from backyard hangs to nice dinners. That's exactly what almost looking for, really the one that's really catching my eye there is that European linen beach short. I love that. Nice and breathable and very stylish. The best part, everything with Quince is 50 to 80% less than what you'd find with similar brands. That's. I mean it's hard to beat that. Elevate your closet with keensay. Go to keensay.com boydad for free shipping on your orders and three 165 day returns. Come on now, that's Quince. Q U I n c e.com boydad get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com boydad Alrighty folks, let's talk about Viori. You know it. You love it. Viori is incredibly versatile and comfortable. Perfect for whatever your day brings. Designed to look great beyond the gym. Whether you're running errands, heading to the office or meeting up with some friends. Their core short is soft, lightweight, four way performance, stretch moves with you. And there's no restrictions. Look, I don't even have to go on the script here. Everyone knows Vuori. People love Vuori. My friends love Vuori. They're always hounding me saying can we use your son of a boy dad discount code? And I tell them yes, you can. Because who doesn't want 20% off Vuori? They have the best workout clothes in the world. And not even just workout clothes, the best, just overall clothing. Everyday clothing. I love Vori. Vori is an investment in your happiness. For all our listeners. They're offering 20 off your first purchase. Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the [e-mail] boydad that's V-U-O-R-I.com boydad exclusion supply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. Not only will you receive 2020 off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any US order over $75 and free returns. Viori. Just a classy company. Classy company. Go to vuori.com boydad and discover versatility of Fiori. Clothing exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. Alrighty folks, let's talk about Game time. Game Time, the official Ticking partner of Barstool Sports. There's nothing like getting out to a baseball game, especially last minute. Lucky for me, I always use Game Time. The official ticking partner of Barstool Sports. Game Time makes getting tickets faster and easier. Price on the app actually go down, closer it gets to showtime, or in my case, game time. I was looking at tickets for the Falcons. I'm in Atlanta right now and you know, I was just getting. I'm getting the itch. I'm getting the itch for. For ball. And I was looking at. I saw some great seats with some great prices. Only on the game time you can put those savings back in your pocket and spend them at the ballpark on a hot dog, a new hat, or some good old fashioned cracker Jack. Why not? What are you waiting for? I'm gonna go buy those Falcons tickets today with game time. Take the guesswork out of buying tickets with GameTime. Download the GameTime app, create an account and use code BOYDAD for 20 off. Your first purchase terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code B o y d a d for $20 off. Download the game time app today. What time is it? It's game time. Alrighty, folks, let's talk about Factor. Between busy schedules and summer plans, sometimes all I've got is a couple minutes. Factor helps me eat smarter with tasty chef prepped meals that are dietitian approved and delivered right to my door. And now, with more than 65 weekly meals made for how I live and what I like to do to eat, I've got even more ways to fit in real meals, whenever the day, wherever the day takes me. That's what I love about factor. I love the convenience. And also there's more variety and more meals. Choose from a wider selection of weekly meal options, including premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. Support your wellness goals. Enjoy even more GLP1 friendly meals and new Mediterranean diet options packed with protein and good for you fats. My favorite factor meal is the Taco Bowl. It is phenomenal. Eat [e-mail] Sun50OFF and use code Sun50OFF for 50 off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code [e-mail] for 50% off plus free shipping. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with factor Me actor.

[Dave Portnoy]

The fact that dogs can herd like that. Have you ever seen the video of the dog that herds at like a Texas state fair or something?

[Francis]

Oh, yes. Separates the black sheep from the white sheep.

[Dave Portnoy]

So impressive.

[Francis]

I did see that it's actually a descendant, a longtime descendant of one of the great German shepherds from the segregation era.

[Dave Portnoy]

Really?

[Francis]

Of America.

[Dave Portnoy]

Wow.

[Francis]

I was famous for, you know, ensuring that colored folk use the right water fountain.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, that's how they train them at water Fountains and bathrooms. They train the shepherds.

[Francis]

So you can see why separating white from black would.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's deplorable.

[Francis]

It's inherent.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why don't you display that with this here Oreo? Show me exactly what you mean with this. Tupac Shakur of Oreos.

[Francis]

Wow, look at that. Did you notice that I went into the snack closet the other day and I opened up the big box of the Oreos and there's three different types. There's double stuff stuff. There's the white cream ones, which are unbelievable.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, really? I think those are an abomination.

[Francis]

You don't like those? And then there's these basic ones. And we. We only had the basics left, which basically means we are, as an office fat.

[Owen]

Nah, I don't know. Because no one wants the, like, no one wants. Everyone wants the double stuff. It's like, once they made the double.

[Dave Portnoy]

Why'd you wish for that?

[Owen]

Once they made the double.

[Dave Portnoy]

Once they made the double stuff, they.

[Owen]

Should have just come to making the regular ones. No one's like, I want to. Let me get one that tastes worse. Do you have the less good version of these?

[Dave Portnoy]

You used to make something way worse. You still carry that?

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah, but nobody wants triple stuff.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, they definitely make triple stuff.

[Francis]

They do, but nobody wants them too much stuff.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, it's like those milk bar cakes. They're so sweet.

[Owen]

As I was in, I would have changed double stuff to just the traditional. Just lose double stuff. That's now the Oreo.

[Francis]

It's like the third porn star in an all internal gang bang. You're like, really? I got to get in there after the two guys before me already finished?

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, that is nuts. But people's. There's no bounds to how much people want to snack, how much people want sodies.

[Francis]

I like bringing up pornographic references because I know it makes sass a little squeamish.

[Owen]

Yeah, not at all.

[Francis]

You're not big on in dirty intercourse references.

[Dave Portnoy]

The repression, that crazy repression that you have going on sexually. You have a crazy sexual repression. And you'll let it out. Just keep going. To betterhelp if you came in as.

[Francis]

A great sexual repression.

[Dave Portnoy]

A friend of mine said that he went on a first date with a girl to a sex party.

[Owen]

Like a public sex, like an orgy.

[Dave Portnoy]

But I. I don't know if I guess it's an orgy, but like, I was like a party in Brooklyn. It was like, in Brooklyn, you brought.

[Owen]

It to like a Bonnie meet up.

[Dave Portnoy]

Just the line of a thousand dudes in one of Them.

[Owen]

What are we waiting in line for?

[Dave Portnoy]

Why is everybody. It's really good. This place is, like, the best in town.

[Owen]

Waiting for three hours.

[Dave Portnoy]

Anything worth a line, you have one.

[Owen]

Of those buzzers that you get at.

[Dave Portnoy]

Like, Applebee's, you take a ticket. The buzzers for the bonnet.

[Owen]

It's our turn.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, here. Hurry, hurry, hurry.

[Francis]

4:13. Is that.

[Owen]

Is that. And then you walk in, and it's Bonnie blue in a glass box.

[Francis]

A very smudged, very foggy glass ass box.

[Dave Portnoy]

Slip as you walk in.

[Owen]

I think we got, like, 45 minutes.

[Dave Portnoy]

You guys didn't call. 452. You're at 600. I don't know if there was. You guys missed me. Oh, what was it again that you wanted?

[Owen]

So sorry, sir.

[Dave Portnoy]

You can hop right in after this guy.

[Owen]

We'll get on that.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, man. I think they said they went to, like, a private room and then, like, eventually do people just, like, matriculated and just people just, like, came into the room. Literally, I guess. Gross. They also have the Annie's pretzels in there. The Annie's snacks. I think that the cheddar ones of the Annie's are so much better than the cake ones.

[Owen]

I think it's time to drop Annie's as a snack.

[Dave Portnoy]

You think the Annie's is dead?

[Owen]

Their Mac and cheese is good. They're never gonna be goldfish.

[Dave Portnoy]

I thought you said you like.

[Owen]

Their.

[Dave Portnoy]

Mac and cheese is crack.

[Francis]

Yeah. When the powder gets stuck in one of the shells, you get that one bite of deep, deep tang.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. That's so nice, that tang.

[Owen]

It's like one Dorito.

[Dave Portnoy]

I thought you liked bunnies, though. Yeah. 10 seconds ago you're sucking off bunnies. Now you want to kill Annie.

[Owen]

I think everyone knows I like fish a little bit more.

[Dave Portnoy]

Bunny's ears don't really, like, stick up like that either. This is like, the cartoon bunny, everybody, huh?

[Owen]

Mid hop.

[Dave Portnoy]

I don't even. Bunny's hops aren't even that impressive.

[Owen]

It sounds like you've never seen a bunny.

[Dave Portnoy]

I've seen bunnies all the time, dude.

[Francis]

You ever see a snake eating a rabbit?

[Dave Portnoy]

That's nice.

[Owen]

No, I did. Like I said, I hate snakes.

[Dave Portnoy]

Indiana Jones over here.

[Owen]

Like, snakes and spiders and mice. Like, it's on site.

[Francis]

Indoor Anna Jones over here.

[Owen]

Cockroaches. Like, cockroaches are, like, annoying, but, like, they don't gross me out.

[Dave Portnoy]

Massachusetts. Jones over here. Cockroaches don't.

[Owen]

Not to the extent that mice do. Mice. It's like cockroaches. It's like, like. It's like the equivalent of like finding a Lego on the ground. A mouse is like, this is a living thing.

[Dave Portnoy]

Well, if mice were more chill about it. If mice weren't like sprinting.

[Owen]

Dude, they move like 900 miles.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, that's what gives me anxiety. It's just they're like, whoa. The was that if they just like kind of meandered around, you're like leave. And they're like kind of like drag their.

[Owen]

Just toss it outside.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, that'd be fine.

[Francis]

How much of our disgust over. See, for me, mice don't discuss me. And you know why?

[Owen]

Because you don't have them.

[Francis]

No, cuz the name Mouse cute little mouse, Mickey Mouse is as palpable of a. And it's an. It induces bile.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. It hurts to say roach.

[Owen]

It might be because I've never had more than one roach at a time.

[Francis]

You go, you. You have so many cockroaches that you've. Now you just go roach for sure.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's like saying goals just roach to you.

[Owen]

I mean, I think roaches is pretty common. Roach. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Suck my car.

[Francis]

I can't remember the last time I, I called them roaches. I always thought a roach was the, the very end of a joint that you kind of smoked with tweezers before you had money.

[Dave Portnoy]

Did you guys ever watch the video the that's funny. The. The Dave the Day video at the porn convention when the ladies like talk dirty to me and he's like, suck my.

[Owen]

I haven't seen that. But I've seen the videos of Dave at the porn conventions. I just haven't seen that one.

[Dave Portnoy]

So funny. Suck my.

[Owen]

Like Devlin's gay joker. I like the.

[Dave Portnoy]

So funny.

[Owen]

Have you ever seen that?

[Francis]

No.

[Owen]

We did, we. We did the. When we were on the Yak, we did the Barstool Idol and this dude Zach, who's a comedian and Nashville. Zach Town said, yeah, he's actually opening.

[Francis]

For Theo now for me in Nashville. Yeah, he did my zany show. He like hosted the zany show.

[Owen]

He did a. He was on it and he did a character called Horny Batman. And he went around like interviewing people and he went up to Devlin and he was like, what makes you horny? And he was like, I like the cop.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's like, actually, I like the cop.

[Owen]

It was so funny.

[Dave Portnoy]

The goker, the gay joker.

[Francis]

Did he do a joker impression?

[Dave Portnoy]

I guess he'll dress up head to toe and be the gay joker. He'll like run around New York City without cameras. Just Being the gay jokers.

[Owen]

Love of the game.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, that's so funny. Oh man. But that dude, when he is like a funny comic and then he came to Barstow Idol and only would do horny. Batman, like he has so many other bits. He's like other successful comedy online but would only do horny, which is actually a way funnier bit.

[Owen]

I know.

[Dave Portnoy]

It is funny in totality.

[Francis]

I mean, dude, honestly, if I had to guess and I could be dead wrong about this, the future at barstool for stand up comedians is closed. I don't think we will. I don't think we'll ever hire or I don't know if a hiring a stand up here will ever work again.

[Owen]

I don't know about that. I mean, I don't know who we would hire in New York. Like New York. I don't think they're hiring anybody. I mean, I'm sure Chicago's got some good stand ups.

[Francis]

Yeah. I just think that, I don't know, it's a different thing. The idea of like buying into this world is anathema to most standups.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah. I think it's way more likely that people start at barstool and then become stand ups. Exactly. They're like, oh, I like to perform in front of people. I have a built in fan base and I can write some.

[Francis]

Right.

[Owen]

Yeah, agreed.

[Dave Portnoy]

Totally. Well then let's, let's talk no more on that subject.

[Owen]

Let's move on.

[Francis]

Boy, that guy. Why did that get uncomfortable? I wasn't. I don't think it did.

[Owen]

I don't think it did either.

[Dave Portnoy]

I wasn't uncomfortable.

[Francis]

Oh, well, usually when people are like, let's move on.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, no, I was just.

[Francis]

It's indicative that I've stepped in it.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, no, I don't think you have. I, I think that that's a. I'm curious to know more about why. Why you think that.

[Owen]

Honestly, you up too late.

[Francis]

You guys said move on. I shall heed.

[Owen]

We're already moving on and we're already on.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, now I can't leave it. Why would.

[Francis]

You know why? You know why?

[Dave Portnoy]

Good spot at barstool. Because it's the same discipline.

[Owen]

It's because they're afraid to step in the lines, Dan.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's a fact. Yeah, they just want to run to the stage to be center of their own world. They really can't take the heat.

[Owen]

A lot of people can't take the heat.

[Dave Portnoy]

The comments, there's no comment section and stand up comedy, I'll tell you that much. Unless you have your own podcast, in which case there will be a nasty subreddit about you. True. All comedian subreddits. Kill them if you get successful enough.

[Owen]

I mean, all subreddits in general hate.

[Dave Portnoy]

The thing they purport to love.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Might say more about Reddit. Sub.

[Francis]

I forgot. You know, living upstate, I. I don't. I don't really. Well, yeah, I mean, I don't run into people who know who I am up there. It's all. I mean, I guess you could say we all know each other. It's a pretty small community, but I'm certainly not.

[Dave Portnoy]

And you were saying the most delightful banjo player came to the co op the other day.

[Francis]

Yeah, the farmer's market. We had Fergie Ferguson and the Bluegrass six.

[Dave Portnoy]

That video is that shot in. The video was the funniest of you sitting cross legged while that guy played the guitar.

[Francis]

I was really hoping there would be some kids doing it, but I had to set the tone and nobody joined me.

[Dave Portnoy]

Did the guy think you were making fun of him?

[Francis]

I gave him 10 bucks first or second after.

[Dave Portnoy]

Sorry. Sorry about that.

[Francis]

That vid's doing well. Picked up some steam that's closing in on a million views.

[Owen]

It'll change the world.

[Dave Portnoy]

I mean, it's just good, clean fun.

[Francis]

This is silly little thing.

[Dave Portnoy]

Did you see. Did you guys watch the clip that Adam Schefter posted about what golfer was it? Scotty Scheffler, who's like, you get to the top and it's like. And you feel nothing. You're like happy for a couple minutes when you win the major day.

[Francis]

Right? But he said that. Yeah, I didn't watch it. Everyone was like, you should watch this. And I didn't. But now I'm going to because you recommended it.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's just pretty interesting, actually. It's kind of sad. I think he might be depressed.

[Francis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Honestly, he's like, you get to the top and you just don't feel something in the career isn't fulfilling because you worked your whole life for this. And you're like, okay, what's for dinner now? I just won the championship. He's that. He's actually definitely depressed.

[Owen]

He's definitely depressed.

[Dave Portnoy]

Definitely got some.

[Owen]

He had like the best years of his entire career.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's so successful.

[Owen]

Has he.

[Francis]

Yeah, probably two years. I would say he's maybe even three. I mean, he won the Masters three years ago and then he won it again a year ago. So he won, then he didn't win, and then he won it again. He won the PGA this year.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And he's been number one in the world for. Yeah, a few years now.

[Owen]

Mountaintop's lonely.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's why that Miley Cyrus had it on point, bro.

[Owen]

The climb Scotty winced for. There were no more courses to concert to conquer.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, he really did. That is sad for him.

[Owen]

But I mean, it probably does. Like, if you love golf your entire life and now it's like you go back to your home course and you shoot 15 under, probably like, you know.

[Dave Portnoy]

How easy this is for me.

[Owen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

I could see him being like, I've made the decision to play baseball. It's what my dad always wanted me to do.

[Dave Portnoy]

That probably is why Michael Jordan.

[Francis]

That's exactly why he did that.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's like, yeah, it sucks. It's. I'm so good at this that it just sucks now. I mean, if I went learning basketball than playing.

[Owen]

If I went fishing and I caught a fish every single cast, I would probably be like, all right, I think I get it.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's like hunting for buffalo on the Oregon trail.

[Francis]

It's why I have a hard time continuing to do roan.com challeng against SASS. Get to a point where you're like, I'm just beating up the kid in the wheelchair here.

[Dave Portnoy]

I thought that's why you were going to say about standups. Just like you have mastered the craft.

[Francis]

I am a little. Well, you know what? I'm not going to say that.

[Dave Portnoy]

Please come see. Please come see Francis.

[Francis]

Yeah, Lots of fun dates this fall.

[Dave Portnoy]

The Fall of Francis is a great tour name.

[Owen]

Yeah, the Fall of Francis.

[Francis]

I made that poster based off of the. The post poster for the Diddy doc. The Fall of Diddy.

[Owen]

Did you use Chat gbt?

[Francis]

No, I used. I use the graphic designers because I like to give them the business.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And I feel bad that they're into. All of their jobs are.

[Owen]

Yeah. Big time.

[Dave Portnoy]

There's still some really good graphic designers out there, though.

[Francis]

Yeah, there are. But like that. I mean, that's. That's almost literally the thing that I think will be replaced the quickest graphic design, kinda. It's like you tell ChatGPT is an unbelievable graphic designer.

[Dave Portnoy]

Make me a logo about my business for beef jerky that incorporates a longhorn cow in the logo. Yeah, it's on. It's on it. True.

[Francis]

You're like, oh, make it less this, make it less that that.

[Dave Portnoy]

You know who's who can't get replaced? Those interior designers. Those queens. They literally can't get replaced. You know Sarah Sherman Samuel the goat interior designer. She's so good.

[Francis]

Is she now?

[Dave Portnoy]

Dude, look up her. I commented on one of her Instagram posts and she responded. I was so gassed.

[Francis]

That's cool.

[Owen]

Yeah, that's big.

[Francis]

I got a little bit into design interior. Yeah. For my place upstate. My home.

[Dave Portnoy]

Mid century modern. What are we talking?

[Francis]

I like to mix worlds a little bit, but I'm staying with neutral palettes mostly. You know, browns and creams and tans of course. But lighting is the thing.

[Owen]

I got creams, tans, whites.

[Dave Portnoy]

What kind of like a low lighting?

[Francis]

No, just the light fixtures. Like I, you know, pendants versus chandeliers. You got sconces, lights.

[Owen]

I know it.

[Francis]

Huh.

[Owen]

I bet you got bright ass lights.

[Francis]

When Bo and Peters and all those guys come and, and stay at my place when you guys come, you're the first thing you're gonna comment on is how great the lighting is.

[Owen]

I feel like it's one of those places where like you gotta piss in the middle of the night and you turn on the lights. It's like a flash grenade went off.

[Francis]

No, it's the opposite.

[Owen]

Blinding.

[Francis]

If anything. You'd be like it's really dark.

[Dave Portnoy]

Look at Sarah Sherman Samuel style, bro. Tell me you don't love it.

[Owen]

Dude, isn't Sarah Sherman the girl on snl?

[Francis]

Sarah Squirm.

[Dave Portnoy]

Sarah Squirm. I think.

[Owen]

What is her name? Sherman.

[Dave Portnoy]

I'm talking about Sarah Sherman Samuel.

[Francis]

Yeah. I love this stuff.

[Dave Portnoy]

I mean she is truly flawless and she. I'd love to see Chat GPT give her a run for the money.

[Owen]

Damn. Sauce Gardener just signed 120 million dollar.

[Dave Portnoy]

Contract the day after Garrett Wilson did.

[Owen]

130 for Garrett Wilson.

[Dave Portnoy]

They just gave out 250. Woody Johnson's dropping bags. That's what other podcasts are you getting Sarah Sherman Samuel right into Woody Johnson.

[Owen]

I know.

[Dave Portnoy]

Now that's so nice. All that still suck to have Justin Fields where Instead of giving 250 to a quarterback, they gave it to a wide out in the corner. I know they're just hoping that Justin Fields, fast ass is gonna.

[Owen]

I think he'll be. I think they'll. He'll be better than Aaron Rodgers was for sure.

[Dave Portnoy]

The threat to run is key. He also has never like sucked that bad. He just hasn't been that good.

[Owen]

Yeah, he wasn't bad on the, on the, on the Steelers though at all. It was just Russell Wilson was, was.

[Dave Portnoy]

Ready to play and they've been investing in their own line too.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

So what are we saying? Low lighting like upwards or like funky lamps or. What are we, sconces?

[Francis]

It's my turn again.

[Owen]

Francis, are you going to do the fantasy league this year? Are you skipping out?

[Francis]

I'll do it.

[Owen]

Well, you got to actually do it.

[Francis]

I'm in.

[Dave Portnoy]

You should have. You should have somebody else to. To do it with you.

[Owen]

If you don't do it, you're off the podcast. Not. Not if you don't. Not if you just don't do it. But if you do it and you bail again.

[Francis]

Okay, so I am gonna do it then. I'm not gonna do it.

[Owen]

Why don't you just. Just set your lineup? It's so.

[Francis]

I have no problem setting my lineup. I don't understand the trade stuff.

[Owen]

There's barely any trades that take place.

[Francis]

Every single person in our league by the end of the season had a completely different roster from what they started. Agency, whatever the it's called.

[Owen]

I think we. There was like three.

[Francis]

All my guys got injured and nobody told me how to cycle them out, so I just ended up playing with like a two man team.

[Dave Portnoy]

You trying to get him to participate in fantasy football is like him trying to get you to clean your apartment. Like it's like clean. The definition of insanity. To keep on trying. Like it's so crazy that you're like, francis, please do this thing you don't like to do.

[Francis]

Yeah, he doesn't want to do it.

[Owen]

He's missing out. You're missing out. Down. You're gonna miss out.

[Dave Portnoy]

He doesn't want to do it. He has his own likes and interests.

[Francis]

I believe that. I want to do it. I just need more help. And nobody wants to help because it's competitive, which is understandable because no one else.

[Owen]

I never used the platform. I figured it out. I. I never used.

[Francis]

Not that I've never used the platform.

[Dave Portnoy]

You're a ball junkie.

[Owen]

I never fantasy set up the whole league.

[Francis]

I've never done fantasy football.

[Owen]

I've done it. I had done it like twice up until this year.

[Francis]

Two more times than I'd done it.

[Owen]

Well, according to your halo argument, that didn't mean anything thing.

[Dave Portnoy]

Wow.

[Francis]

I don't apply that more clearly. Apply it more clearly because I want to see if what you just said makes sense. And I don't think it does.

[Owen]

I'm not actually.

[Francis]

Break that down. I refuse. Cuz it's wrong.

[Owen]

I refuse.

[Francis]

There's no chance that that works the way you thought it did.

[Dave Portnoy]

It sounded cadence wise. It sounded like a mic drop rolled off the tongue.

[Francis]

Well, yeah, it did.

[Dave Portnoy]

But I didn't. I didn't look into it at all. I didn't really think about what was actually said. It was truly lost on me.

[Owen]

Just wish ball was on.

[Francis]

That's all. It is the opposite of what you said. Because I do think I've played more Halo than you have. And my argument would have been that for you, you having done more fantasy football, it's not even worth getting into.

[Owen]

Yeah, that's why I said I don't.

[Francis]

Well, because I caught you. I caught your foot in the rabbit's trap there. Saw it off and put it on a keychain.

[Dave Portnoy]

That was a weird thing that you could win at a fair, a rabbit's foot. Because I didn't even know what they were because I got. I won like a blue one or something. It was on a keychain. Then you, like, look closer and there's nails. Oh, this is the foot of a rabbit. I thought it was expired Native American name or something.

[Owen]

Yeah, they don't do that.

[Francis]

There's a fair near my home, my permanent home upstate. And it's a county fair, so it's only there for a few days, but they got the tilt, the whirl, and the Ferris wheel. And it's. It's. It's got bells and whistles. And I saw it and I thought, man, that'd be fun. That'd be fun thing to go to on a random Friday night, you know? And then I thought, no, it wouldn't. Because I remember the games. Yeah. And how enraged I would become when I never won.

[Owen]

Yeah, they're impossible.

[Francis]

You know, there was one that had a bowling ball that went over this track and there was a little bump in the track back and then a dip. And then another thing. And the goal was you had to roll the ball perfectly such that it went over the bump and then nestled down into the trough below it and didn't roll back up and come back to you over the bump. And I must have spent $10 as a seventh grader, which is equivalent to, I don't know, a hundred grand today for me just playing this game. And I remember the guy who ran the booth was like, almost. Better luck next time, sonny. Yeah.

[Owen]

Cuz he's high on Vicodin.

[Francis]

I hated this guy. I went, it's rigged. And he goes, it's not. And then he came out of the booth and did it and showed me that it wasn't rigged.

[Owen]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Which made me even more angry.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's a dirty carny.

[Francis]

Yeah, well, he's also it's like, well, dude, that's the thing you're good at. Rolling the bowling ball with the perfect weight. If you were really good at this.

[Owen]

Yeah, sounds like he flamed you. Well, I, I came out and pulled off the uniform and he was like, he's like, sure, it's done.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's like when you try to fight a cop, Take off that badge and fight me. And he takes off the badge and beats your ass. But I kind of have to refute that. I went to a fair a couple weeks ago with mother in law, sister and brother in law, like their kid and my kids. And I was. And I just realized like I can be in charge of who has fun. And I just started fucking throwing money around. And we played every game in the fair. I was making everybody play. We won tons of prizes, throwing a bunch of money at it. It was fucking incredible. But these were very easy to win. And that's how it should be. There should be loose games at these fairs as opposed to like a tight ass game that nobody can throw the ping pong ball into the milk jug. Like that's bullshit.

[Francis]

A basketball hoop that'13ft high with a rim that's the size of a pint glass.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, it's like an oblong pint glass.

[Francis]

Rim bent in on the side. Yeah, you gotta just, you have to basically swish the middle of the hoop every single.

[Dave Portnoy]

I knew that it wasn't rigged. When, when I was making the basketball shots, I was like, oh yeah, this isn't rigged. And we all went home with stuffed animals, mini basketballs. Speaking of rigs, upside down.

[Francis]

Yeah, speaking of rig, did you guys see that $25,000 match between Riggs and the guy?

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, I said no, the last one I watched was Riggs against the one hater.

[Owen]

Yeah, the guy who last I saw.

[Francis]

Oh man. He played this guy for $25,000.

[Owen]

Recently, like.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It came out more recently than that. Hater match. Okay. And it came down to the final putt.

[Owen]

Really?

[Francis]

I won't say what happened, but it's a pretty damn good video, I'll say that much.

[Dave Portnoy]

So Riggs wins 25.

[Francis]

They each took out $25,000 cash and the winner walked home with. With it.

[Owen]

That's crazy.

[Francis]

No, nuts.

[Owen]

Tax write off though.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, you think Off?

[Francis]

I guess.

[Dave Portnoy]

Content. Content, yeah. Rigs is probably just like content.

[Owen]

Absolutely.

[Dave Portnoy]

I actually do this as content.

[Francis]

I got to tell you, I'm not really looking for a $25,000 tax write off right now. I'll pay the tax instead of losing 25 grand.

[Owen]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

I can't. I'm not happy if I'm like, well, I can write that off against my earnings. Like, that is my earnings.

[Dave Portnoy]

But Riggs probably just drops another hat.

[Francis]

True.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's just like, oh, I gotta put out some more Malar. I just have to count my residuals off the Malar. My take off the Titleist clubs that have my name embossed on the side.

[Francis]

Taylor made. Shout out. TaylorMade.

[Dave Portnoy]

Shout out to Taylor Made. Of course.

[Owen]

We gotta make golf dad hats.

[Francis]

Huh?

[Owen]

We gotta make boy dad hats.

[Dave Portnoy]

I know. Just so we can gamble with them.

[Owen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Just so we can gamble with high stakes.

[Owen]

That's our way out. That's our way out of the gutter.

[Dave Portnoy]

Boy dad hats.

[Owen]

Boy dad hats.

[Dave Portnoy]

International shipping too, of course.

[Owen]

Multiple languages.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's crazy. What?

[Owen]

Money. Printing money.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's so good.

[Owen]

Passive income.

[Dave Portnoy]

Como say boy dad and espanol, bro.

[Francis]

Garcon pear.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's French.

[Francis]

Yep. Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

I mean, if. If Alex Cooper had like, said the words boy dad, it would be a massive thing.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Owen]

I mean, she's probably gonna put out boy dad hats before we do.

[Dave Portnoy]

Will Compton definitely is.

[Owen]

I think they. I think we kept their girl dead hats. They can't be happy about that.

[Dave Portnoy]

Barcelona did. Yeah, they definitely just made their own girl dad. Girl pop, Girl Papa gal dad.

[Owen]

Find it on a link tree.

[Dave Portnoy]

Miss those brothers, Miss those boys.

[Owen]

Miss those bastards.

[Dave Portnoy]

Like my. That's why I just watch Battle Camp on Netflix every day. Just so I could get some eyes on Taylor.

[Owen]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

Who removed his hand tattoos? Did you see that?

[Francis]

I thought that I did see that.

[Owen]

I thought was makeup. Was it not?

[Dave Portnoy]

I thought he got him real life removed. Yeah. So he could be a clean comic like me, you and Francis.

[Owen]

Not a bad play.

[Dave Portnoy]

All right. All right.

[Owen]

Well, we'll see you guys on Thursday. Thank you for listening. Hope you guys enjoyed the episode.

[Dave Portnoy]

Goodbye.

[Owen]

Close was over.

[Dave Portnoy]

Still still underground.

[Owen]

So.

[Francis]

I looked older to you Came around.

[Owen]

I was only falling way.

[Dave Portnoy]

I was.

[Owen]

Only falling one way.

[Dave Portnoy]

Now I come.

[Owen]

Alive I was only falling one way I was only falling one way.

[Francis]

I.

[Owen]

Was only falling one way I was.

[Francis]

On your phone away that is to your eyes.

[Owen]

Did you me alive.

[Francis]

No.

[Owen]

One can take me alive I was only falling one way Sam, did you realize no one could take me alive?