Son of a Boy Dad #323 – "Front Split"

Date: August 5, 2025
Hosts: Barstool Sports (Lil Sasquatch [Owen], Rone [Francis], Dave Portnoy)
Theme: Life lessons, masculinity, pet peeves, sexuality, routines, and playful banter—Owen (Lil Sasquatch) is feeling adrift after dropping out of college and looks to his peers for guidance on adulthood, ambition, and what it means to be a man.

Episode Overview

This episode is a classic, riff-heavy Son of a Boy Dad, mixing personal updates, observational comedy, and Barstool-style commentary. The group dives into topics ranging from fitness goals and morning routines to sexuality, pets, divorce stats, and the mechanics of fairground games—all framed as informal life education for the allegedly “rudderless” Lil Sas, but ultimately a group therapy session in bro-logic and anti-establishment humor. Memorable for playful jabs about splits, the ethics of killing mice, sexual openness, and the misery of fantasy football.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Masculinity, Ambitions, and the Pursuit of the Split

• Owen connects "practicing resilience" with being a man, while Dave announces a new physical goal: to master the front split.
  • "My new goal is to do a front split." – Dave Portnoy (03:36)
  • Group jokes about stereotypes: the only kids who could do splits growing up were "assumed to be gay" but "maybe that’s cosmic, maybe it’s Maybelline.” (05:57)
• General riffing on how goals and resilience are tied to manliness.

2. Motivational Content & Netflix Docuseries

• Owen admits getting into motivational speeches, then praises the series Quarterbacks and particularly Kirk Cousins’ story.
  • "I didn't want to see anything...the Kirk Cousins stuff is phenomenal.” – Owen (07:01)
  • Discussion about Joe Burrow’s fashion designer and openness in the NFL (07:35–08:21).

3. Sleep, Morning Routines & 'Puttering'

• Debate over athletes' insane sleep schedules, particularly Joe Burrow allegedly going to bed at 7:00PM.
  • "Anyone that says they're going to bed at 7...I just don't know how that's even—like, how does that even..." – Owen (11:16)
• Reference to Jeff Bezos “puttering” for an hour each morning, sparking a debate on the usefulness of aimless morning activity (15:01–15:15).

4. Pets, Rodents & Urban Wildlife

• Big anti-mouse energy from Owen: “If I could kill all the mice on the planet, I would...Thanos snap my finger.” (19:02)
• Dave and Francis push back, arguing for the ecosystem's balance and lab mice's value. (20:02–21:17)
• Extended and ridiculous hypotheticals on eradicating mice, snakes, and the effect on eagles and quarters.

5. Sexuality, LGBTQ Discussion, & Statistical Deep Dives

• The group riffs on recent changes to LGBTQ acronyms, jokes about bisexuals:
  • “There’s another word for bi: horny.” – Francis (22:53)
• Francis drops stats: "72% of lesbian marriages end in divorce" vs. about 10–20% for gay male couples (24:33–25:03).
• They suggest sexual openness—particularly among gay men—might explain longevity in couples; relate this to openness rules like "having to hook up in front of the other person" (27:32).

6. Nightlife, Lesbians & NYC Observations

• Hilarious (and sardonic) talk about lesbian bars in NYC and fights outside them (28:26).
• Allusion to the "Cubby Hole" in the West Village.

7. Street Canvassers & Urban Life

• Francis recounts an encounter with "rockstar" petitioners outside Whole Foods, including being called out as “the barstool guy” (30:33).
• Jokes about canvassing for trans rights and "turning your computer screens all the way down" for a "dark out night" campaign (32:42–33:02).

8. Carrots, Rabbits & Food Propaganda

• Claim that "carrots make your eyesight better" was British WWII propaganda, not fact (33:29).
• Major anti-rabbit takes: "they're rats with long ears." (34:03)

9. Pet Ownership in the City

• Cautionary tales about French bulldogs' health issues and large dog breeds in NYC apartments (36:27–37:12).
• Francis and Owen debate rescue/adopt vs. shop, imagining adopting tarantulas instead. (35:30–36:02)

10. Snacks, Oreos, and Office Politics

• Office Oreo hierarchy: Double Stuf reigns supreme, basics shunned. (43:32–44:07)
• Extended goof on Annie's snacks, bunny branding, and animal loyalties.

11. Comedy Careers at Barstool

• Francis predicts Barstool won’t hire dedicated stand-ups again; Dave says the future is Barstool personalities turning to standup, not the reverse (52:00).
• Riff about the fearlessness required to survive online roasting vs. standup crowds (53:00).

12. Country Living & Fairs

• Francis describes small-town upstate life and reminisces about frustrating fairground games, calling traveling fair workers “dirty carnies” (63:36).
• Dave shares nostalgia about rigged carnival games, advocating for more "winnable" fun for kids (65:41).

13. Golf, TikTok Content, and Industry Hustle

• $25,000 cash golf match discussed—Barstool’s Riggs wagering serious content money (66:01).
• Capstone segment on side hustles: custom “boy dad hats” as a merch angle, dreaming of international “money printing” (67:37).

14. Random & Memorable Closing Bits

• Sarah Sherman Samuel—Barstool's favorite interior designer. (58:03)
• Banter on fantasy football: Francis can’t get onboard; Dave likens it to asking Francis to clean (61:08).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "You drink a whiskey drink, you drink a vodka drink. You drink a cider drink. ...You sing the songs that remind you of the good times..." – Dave Portnoy evoking Chumbawamba-style resilience (04:18)
• "Pressure makes diamonds. Pressure makes perfect." – Francis & Dave (04:27–04:31)
• "My new goal is to do a front split." – Dave Portnoy (03:36)
• "If I could kill all the mice on the planet, I would with one, and it wouldn't even look back." – Owen (19:02)
• "There's another word for bi: horny." – Francis (22:53)
• "Mountaintop's lonely." – Owen, after a discussion of pro athlete malaise (55:30)
• "I just started f*ing throwing money around. ...We all went home with stuffed animals, mini basketballs."** – Dave on how a fair should really run (65:41)
• "Boy dad hats. International shipping too, of course. Multiple languages." – Dave Portnoy on their next (totally unserious) money scheme (67:35)

Timestamps for Notable Segments

• Front Split Goal – 03:36–04:40
• Quarterbacks Docuseries Dissection – 06:38–08:21
• Morning Routines & Puttering – 14:22–15:24
• Mice, the Ecosystem & Ethics – 18:03–21:27
• LGBTQ Divorce Stats & Sexual Openness – 23:35–27:32
• Canvas Street Stories – 30:33–32:42
• Fairs, Carnies, and Childhood Regret – 63:02–65:41
• Big Money Golf, Merch Dreams – 66:01–67:37

Tone & Language

Irreverent, blunt, and deeply self-aware, the episode delivers "fratty” insight, with detours into social satire and personal confession. No topic is off limits, but everything is handled with the mocking, defensive style that’s a Barstool hallmark—blurring sincerity and parody.

Useful Takeaways

• Adult routines matter to self-identity—even if “puttering” means you just fold laundry.
• Goal-setting isn’t just physical—it’s funny, communal, and weirdly motivational.
• Barstool logic: All creatures (even mice) play a systemic role, but Owen would hit the Thanos button.
• Sexual and social openness are demystified, if always with a punchline.
• Being a Barstool guy means being unflappable, online and off—which is (maybe) more valuable than a college education.
• Never trust a tight carny.
• The only thing holding you back from international passive income is not printing your own “boy dad” hat.

For full banter, check the episode—these guys riff en route to insight.