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Big Cat
Hey. Son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.
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Francis
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Sass
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Francis
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Sass
My parents were going to go, but then I was like, I don't think
Francis
you didn't want me to meet them.
Sass
No, I thought they would like your set for sure. But I was like, I don't think my mom is going to, like Shane said at all. So. And she's like, very like, as soon as she doesn't like it, it's like, this has to go off now. Like, me and my dad watched live in Austin like, like maybe like a year after it came out. And I remember it was like we were like maybe three minutes in when Shane's like, he's like, me and my dad, like, we like to talk about eating pussy and fracking. And my mom was like, jes,
Big Cat
Dude,
Sass
just immediately turn it off.
Francis
I think he'd be fine with me saying this, but you know Brad Dahlke from Good, Good.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
The guy with whom I won the invitational. So he comes from Oklahoma and is from like a nice, sweet Christian family. And he told me when I saw him recently that his mom started watching the Internet Invitational.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
And wrote a letter to Dave to Com to complain about all the swearing.
Sass
Really? That's hilarious. That's so funny.
Big Cat
I feel like that's enough to make. I would take out the swearing If I got a handwritten letter, I feel like I'd be like, yeah, it's not worth it. It doesn't actually. It's kind of lowbrow, dude.
Francis
Our clean version, our college lacrosse coach had a, he had this policy, he even put it up on the board at the beginning of the season where if a single parent of a player ever wrote him to complain about their son not getting more playing time, he, he would print the email or the note and frame it and put it up on the wall of the locker room.
Sass
Yeah, I think that's fair to be honest. Well, that's got to be.
Francis
You can't just ignore it. You got like lunatic parents.
Big Cat
It's not always the kids fault who
Francis
have like watched their kids come up and have been the stars of wherever they've played and, and you know.
Sass
Yeah, that's true. I never thought about that. Everyone on the team's the best from their high school.
Francis
You can just ignore the parents at that level.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
Well it just causes an incredible amount of friction for the kid.
Francis
Yeah.
Big Cat
Because they have to go home and like obviously their parent is hard headed and they have to get in an argument with their parent being like dad, don't fucking do this.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
The implication there is like if your parents annoy me mildly, I will humiliate you in front of the entire team.
Big Cat
Right.
Sass
Yeah, that's. Yeah, that's. That's true.
Big Cat
It's holding you accountable for someone else actions.
Francis
It's a little, it's a little extreme side psychologically they do.
Sass
They must get an insane amount of emails though from parents.
Francis
Well, I don't know, constantly. I mean maybe.
Big Cat
But I bet that there's a percentage
Sass
number three, get him off the field immediately.
Francis
Yeah.
Big Cat
There's probably some Harvard students, not all of them obviously whose parents emails could do a lot for their kid, you know, across the board throughout their life. Like oh, Tommy like didn't get in the piano recital or he's not in the high school placement or whatever that he wants to be in.
Sass
Yeah. Rename the fields then.
Francis
Yeah.
Big Cat
Is Harvard out of stuff to name from wealthy parents? Sometimes I worry about that.
Francis
No, they're always building new stuff. They'll do a renovation, they'll do whatever. There's new buildings to be built.
Sass
A lot of libraries. Yeah, that's the big one, right? The library. You gift a library?
Francis
Yeah. I don't know if there are. If there's room for any more libraries.
Sass
There's always room for libraries. Just go down.
Francis
I actually think. No, but truly The Widener stacks. Yeah, famously. There's some story of, like, if you connected them all row to row, it would travel all the way from fucking Cambridge to, you know, many, many miles away.
Sass
Really? That's pretty sick.
Francis
And then the. One of the rites of passage at school was that you were supposed to have sex in the Widener stacks.
Sass
Really? Did you?
Francis
No.
Sass
Why?
Francis
Because you could convince a woman to accompany me down into the depths of the fucking bunker, deepest library, in the middle of the night for fornication. I could not convince someone to do
Sass
that because that probably played a lot more back when people were just always at the library, you know? You live at the library.
Francis
Yeah, that too. I think it was just a very spooky request. That's one the woman needs to lead.
Sass
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Francis
Come here. You want to go underground and check this off the list?
Sass
Cases across the entire world. Line them up perfectly.
Big Cat
Or they could build them straight up in the air, maybe. Straight up would be huge, like Ready Player One. Like the scene at the beginning of Ready Player One.
Sass
Just get a super long ladder.
Francis
There were like four unwritten rites of passage. One was that. The other was to pee on the John Harvard statue, which was kind of funny because all the Asian tourists would always go up and rub his foot as a joke. So it's like, you pee on the foot and you're pissing on Asians.
Big Cat
That's the joke.
Francis
I don't know if that was the joke to them, but that was the joke how I understood it. Yeah, yeah, another one.
Sass
Did you piss on it?
Francis
No, I never did. I had too much respect.
Sass
Nah, you pissed on it.
Francis
No, I definitely did not.
Sass
You might not remember it, but you definitely did.
Francis
I certainly hammered. I did get hammered, but I didn't do it. Okay, then the other one. What? There was another one, which was to run in what we called Primal Scream, I think was what it was called, which was where in. In the winter reading period in, like, I must. It must have been December, right before exams when everyone was studying their asses off some night right before the exams, all the. A lot of students would do a naked lap around Harvard Yard.
Sass
That one I don't think I would be into.
Francis
Well, what was the problem was, was that all these fucking bums from Cambridge would come into Harvard yard with cameras.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
And get their material for the year.
Sass
Yeah, yeah. That's not good.
Francis
And it's like, oh, you want to jerk off to some bookish lesbian from.
Sass
I love jerking off to a. To a lady who's mid stride.
Big Cat
Yeah, One titty up here, one titty down here.
Sass
Yeah. Mid sprint.
Big Cat
Ah, real monsters.
Sass
Just a full. Just.
Big Cat
Yeah, that's not the best.
Francis
It was the grossest people on campus that participated. Of course.
Big Cat
Phil used to do a naked bike ride.
Sass
Don't they still do it?
Big Cat
I'm sure they still do it. And then they would. There would be photographers, but they would like, I guess just like finally blur it out. But it was like when I was like 15 years old. So I was like clicking through like a one by one slowly loading montage. And it would like load from left to right. Nothing.
Sass
Nothing. Yeah, Gardini has a bit about the.
Big Cat
About the naked bike ride in Virginia. We went to Virginia one year when they won the national championship and they have this long. Have you ever been to Virginia's campus?
Francis
No. I heard it's amazing.
Big Cat
It's amazing. Yeah, they have this long green on the campus that's lined by these like little huts that I think are like. They were like Civil war adjacent and they still look like that. And I think that's where the seniors live.
Sass
And that's where they were burning the tiki torches probably.
Francis
No, not on UVA campus, but Charlotte,
Big Cat
it was Charlottesville and that's where the UVA is, Charlottesville.
Sass
Oh, yeah, yeah. That's where they were burning the tiki torches.
Big Cat
Were they actually on campus? It's that like green on the campus, but like lining either side is like these like cool, just one off little wood burning huts. And I think that there's at some point during the year a naked run and they won the championship. And it was. It was asses. It was asses and penises. Penises flopping penises of all sizes.
Sass
Love that.
Francis
I have a hard time jogging with an erection, so I don't think that.
Sass
I don't think I've ever attempted that.
Big Cat
There were guys who were just like starting their jog would get hard and lose complete blood flow. So they would get like fall over that, like they got it hit with a tranquilizer. They fully pass out and fucking eat one.
Sass
Yeah, I can't think of anything I would rather do less. Like the amount of like drugs and alcohol that would have to be in my system. To jog fully naked.
Big Cat
You have to love your body.
Sass
Love.
Big Cat
You have to like, love. You have to just be ass naked in the mirror. You have to love it so much. Like if you're even on the fence, you're degenerate.
Francis
Would you mind introducing what the day and.
Sass
Oh yes, of course it is. It's Tuesday, May 12th.
Francis
Sorry, I'm gonna need you to clap.
Sass
We already. Well, you can't clap now. The pod's already begun.
Francis
Why can't we clap?
Sass
Because I don't want to hurt. I don't want to hurt our fans ears.
Francis
Oh, fine.
Sass
They're expecting the clap in the beginning. If you give it to them in the middle, they're like, what?
Francis
You're probably right.
Sass
Not the. I guess we're not in the middle. We're like five minutes in.
Big Cat
But anyway. You're going to France.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
For that.
Sass
France and Ireland.
Francis
Let's just really quickly just touch on Dave's response to the fact that Harry, the three of us were excluded from the best comedy writers at barstool thing.
Sass
Well, I don't know if that's. If it was exactly that.
Big Cat
What happened?
Francis
Well, he overlooked us.
Big Cat
What happened?
Francis
And then he responded with a tweet. Why don't you tell about the tweet?
Sass
I just said something about us saying that he would have chose us and that then he made a joke about me and you being on tour.
Francis
Yeah, he said it. He said he would have included.
Sass
I'm gonna reply and say, yeah, that's mostly just Francis these days.
Francis
Why would you do that?
Sass
I'm not.
Big Cat
Why would you ever do that?
Sass
I'm not gonna.
Big Cat
Why would you even put that?
Sass
I've never. I've never replied to a Dave tweet ever.
Francis
Dave wrote, I would include all three of these guys. I just went off top of my head and was thinking, chicago office parentheses. That's if I can pull Francis and Sass off tour.
Big Cat
Wow.
Sass
Wow.
Francis
I just want to note for the record here, since I don't have Twitter to defend myself. It was August of 2025 when I told Dave personally face to face at the Ryder cup when we were sharing a house. I will give up my entire standup career to dedicate all of my time and work to you and to barstool. And he said, let me think about it.
Big Cat
He said, no, no, no. I like making fun of you for it.
Sass
It seems like you made up his mind.
Big Cat
No, no, no.
Sass
You're still touring.
Francis
Well, I'm waiting to hear.
Big Cat
So I'd rather make jokes long term about it.
Francis
It's hard for me to. To let that stand. When I prostrated myself before him and said, use me.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
And he's like, I'll get back to you.
Big Cat
Yeah. He said, tyler, can you look up prostrate for us? Just for the. The average listener, of course. I know what it means lying stretched out on the ground with one's face downward, often in submission. What's that?
Francis
Second adoration or helplessness?
Big Cat
Adoration. Oh, see, I thought it was. Oh, you were prostrating.
Francis
I. If the word means exactly what I meant it to mean, I used it perfectly.
Big Cat
Oh, I'm not. I wasn't.
Francis
No, I know.
Big Cat
Doubting that.
Francis
I'm just pleased with myself.
Big Cat
Yeah, that's. That was a great.
Francis
It wasn't even close to being.
Big Cat
And a lot of the responses on Google think that you just misspelled prostate.
Sass
Oh, yeah.
Big Cat
That you're prostating. There was a lot of them. Split diagrams of the prostate.
Sass
Yeah. Almost strictly prostate.
Francis
The prostrate of Hormuz. Currently Iran has closed it and it's causing major issues. There's a blockage for the devout Muslims that lie in that position.
Big Cat
There's a cancer in the prostrate of Hormuz.
Francis
Yeah. Anyway. No, that's funny.
Big Cat
Did that hurt your guys? Did that hurt your guys? Like, want to do standup? No. Right.
Sass
No, I just thought dream. I didn't see it. And then Ken Jack showed it to me and I laughed and that was it. I went, ha.
Francis
Oh, Dave back in his tricks.
Sass
And I carried on.
Big Cat
Well, doesn't Dave know that your fucking tour's over?
Sass
The tour is over.
Big Cat
Hey, put it. Put the word out. Francis's tour is over.
Francis
Yeah, but there are more dates in the fall. We're gonna pick it back up.
Big Cat
He does not have to know that.
Sass
He doesn't have to know about that.
Big Cat
Well, cut the.
Sass
Just hide him from your Instagram stories.
Francis
Depending on. Put everyone on close forensics. Depending on what Dave decides. I may or may not be incorrect. Cleveland, Tampa and a number of other cities this fall.
Sass
You already have those locked down?
Francis
Yeah, bro, what the fuck? I have a whole fucking.
Sass
That's crazy.
Francis
I got Atlanta, Buffalo.
Sass
I don't think I have plans to do standup comedy again.
Francis
And I think I have a big New York City homecoming show in December, but we're not going to announce that quite yet anyway.
Sass
No, I'm actually. I am getting dates for June and July.
Big Cat
In the summer, the homecoming show, we're also going to be hosting a massive, like, we're a 2,000 ticket open bar after the fact.
Francis
Yeah, yeah, but you can't have the open bar unless you come to the show and buy a ticket.
Big Cat
Right, of course. So we're gonna do it at the library and it's going to be an absolute fest in the stacks.
Francis
Yeah. Down below.
Big Cat
We're gonna have a soiree at the stacks like Eyes Wide Shut. Everyone will wear little masks like the opera.
Sass
I love that. Right in the library.
Big Cat
Did you go on a shopping spree at Nike sb?
Sass
I did, yeah.
Big Cat
The fact that you wore two different Nike SB sweatshirts back to back.
Sass
I bought two of them, yeah. Standard.
Big Cat
You. You empty the clip in two days. Honestly, I would have held on to the first one for a couple.
Sass
Why? I'm just going to wear these every day for the next couple weeks.
Francis
Do you have a favorite Nike SB skater?
Sass
No, I don't.
Francis
Your Nigel guy.
Sass
I mean, yeah, of course. Everyone loves Naja.
Francis
Everyone loves.
Sass
Yeah. How do you not?
Big Cat
It's like in Barry Bonds.
Sass
I don't know if I think. I don't know if I know any other Nike Nike reps. Who's the one
Francis
that has the great sneaker that he did?
Sass
Janowski's maybe, Right?
Francis
Yeah, that's who it is.
Big Cat
The fucking Janowsk.
Sass
I used to have Janowski's back in my prime. I can't rock them anymore.
Big Cat
Omar Salazar. That fucking.
Francis
Yeah, The Genoese. Eric Coston. We love Eric Coston.
Sass
The legendary Lance Mountain.
Francis
Sounds like one of my favorite male porn stars.
Sass
I finished. Speaking of Mountain, I finished the Dark Wizard. Did you guys finish it yet?
Francis
Haven't started it yet, but I will, don't worry.
Big Cat
What? Is that text a lie?
Sass
I mean, you said I watched the first episode. Or was that not you? That was someone else. My bad. I got my friend groups mixed up for a second.
Big Cat
Damn.
Sass
That was Beau that said that. Sorry, I'm not. We have to bleep that out.
Big Cat
That's nice for you that he's confusing you with Bo.
Francis
Though I'm surprised he considered me part of any friend group. Well, you know, getting my friend groups mixed up, that's the biggest endorsement he's ever made of me being an actual friend.
Big Cat
He feels really bad about the Dave tweet. He's trying to let you down easy after that nasty Dave tweet.
Sass
I feel bad about the Dave.
Francis
I actually think he feels bad about not helping me vet that joke before the.
Big Cat
Or that his family didn't show up
Francis
because they would have liked me specifically.
Big Cat
Yeah, just show up. You should have just told him it was a 15 minute show. Like they shouldn't have known. Like when people leave Broadway shows at halftime, at intermission, just say that Francis has a set in front of 20,000
Sass
and everyone's going home. Right?
Big Cat
And then we'll just. I'll pick you up right after Leave. Leave. During his last joke to beat the crowd.
Sass
It's not a bad idea.
Big Cat
That would have been nice. That would have been real nice. But I'm. I'm deeply jealous that you're going to France. Yeah, me too. I went to my favorite restaurant that I went to the last time I was there was called Robert at Louise. And then I saw a Bourdain list and it's, it's his favorite restaurant too. And I didn't even know. And I, I'm such a Bourdain. I just, I slob on anything that he does.
Francis
This is cool.
Big Cat
There's an undercurrent of people that hate Bourdain now on Internet.
Francis
What.
Big Cat
Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Are you aware of this? There are people who rail against Bourdain to the tunes of thousands of likes.
Sass
And I feel like I see people, some people kind of like inflate Bourdain in their head of like what he was and what he did. And then some people kind of like talk like on that, because they'll be like, Anthony Bourdain just had it all figured out. And it's like, well, he killed himself.
Big Cat
Like, you know, people say nasty stuff about his 50 year old girlfriend.
Sass
Yeah, yeah. Like, I think just people are like, like, I'm, I like Anthony Bourdain. I'm an Anthony Bourdain fan.
Big Cat
I'm an absolute Anthony Bourdain head.
Francis
I gotta be honest with you, the only Anthony Bourdain content I've ever really digested was the documentary about him.
Big Cat
Yeah, you have to. You haven't read Kitchen Confidential?
Francis
I haven't read Kitchen Confidential, nor have I ever watched a single episode.
Big Cat
What?
Francis
Oh, the show's great.
Big Cat
One Halloween, I put a bowl of Kitchen Confidentials outside of my apartment and let people grab Kitchen Confidentials instead of candy.
Francis
How many copies did you get?
Big Cat
I had a lot of copies of Kitchen Confidential and they went fast.
Sass
Really?
Big Cat
I can't believe you didn't stop by that year, Francis.
Francis
I should have, honestly.
Big Cat
You would. It's. It's the best kitchen book of all time. It's like the best New York cooking romp. It's fantastic.
Francis
Well, that's what launched him. Yeah.
Sass
Why? What happened with his girlfriend? What was that all about?
Francis
Okay, I can tell you.
Sass
Okay.
Francis
What was her name? The one, the last one he had.
Sass
Because that's what people say. That's why he killed himself.
Francis
Asia Argento. Right. So she was one of the leading, leading kind of spokespeople of the MeToo movement.
Sass
Got it.
Francis
She was one of the people who broke everything open about Harvey Weinstein, I'm pretty sure. And specifically, she did that at the Cannes Film Festival where she went up as a presenter or something and just spoke out about naming people and all this. And it caused quite a stir. And that was sort of the beginning of it. And he was so taken with her that he started to kind of give her. This is the theory that he gave her more and more ownership and creative direction of his career to the point that she started directing episodes of his show. And she kind of, like, didn't know what she was doing, and the rest of his crew hated it. And it started to cause all this friction, but he was choosing her. And then he found out that she was having an affair with another guy.
Sass
Was the guy, like, young? Wasn't there something with, like, she didn't she do something?
Big Cat
It was Johnny Sins, okay. And she was getting her back blown out. He's my favorite fucking. Tread lightly, okay?
Sass
I thought there was something where, like, she. She did something bad that. Like.
Big Cat
Oh. Oh, like something very bad. Sexual assault allegations and payment or no, but that's her alleging. Oh, she accepted. Sexually assaulted a actor when he was 17. So that's what it was. That's what I.
Sass
That's what I was thinking of. Oh, I heard that's why he killed himself. Because it was like, coming out that she did that.
Big Cat
I don't know.
Sass
I mean, who knows? Who knows? I don't. We don't have to, you know, come up with our own theories.
Big Cat
It's sad because he had a daughter, but it's also like, there is part of me that's like, what if he just, like, did everything?
Sass
Yeah, he might have just completed it.
Big Cat
Might. He might just done every side task and just, like, been to every corner of the earth and done everything. But I enjoyed his book and I enjoy. No reservations.
Francis
Go up a little.
Sass
Let me read that part.
Francis
Hold on. Connection to Anthony.
Big Cat
Read this out loud.
Francis
Shortly before Bourdain died by suicide in June 2018, photos were published of Argento with French reporter Hugo Clement. Reports later surfaced of tense texts between them regarding the incident, with Bourdain noting he did not own her, but felt carelessness within her heart. With her heart, with his heart. Jesus Christ. So, yeah, so he blamed her open. Openly cheating on him with this guy for. I mean, that. That's what people kind of consider.
Big Cat
French reporter Hugo Clement is definitely. That's even worse than Johnny Sins. He probably a way Worse. Debonair.
Francis
At least Johnny Sins is circumcised.
Big Cat
Yeah, he probably saw her at Robert at Louise with Hugo le Mont Claymont. And I was like, mother, this is my favorite fucking spot.
Francis
And he died before he could take it. List of favorites.
Big Cat
So it still haunts him to this day that people are going to Robert, Louise and his name. Anyway, you gotta go.
Francis
Yeah, I'll go.
Sass
Yeah, you have to.
Francis
I'll go. Push my arm.
Sass
Maybe you can ask a little bit when you get out there. Just treat this a little bit. Treat this kind of like it's like an investigative, you know, weekend for you.
Francis
I will.
Sass
Like you want to get down to the bottom. What happened to Anthony Bourdain?
Francis
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Sass
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Big Cat
boydad I also went to a place called Parcels. I had some. What's it. What's it called? The something neck. Something something neck.
Francis
Oh, sweet meat. Sweet bread.
Big Cat
Sweet bread. And it's the neck of a what?
Francis
It's the neck of a goat.
Big Cat
It was delicious.
Sass
Sounds really good.
Francis
Sweet. Look up sweet breads.
Big Cat
And it's so good that it's just on the verge of. If you take a bite of it, you gag. But it's like, but it's delicious.
Sass
But it's really good.
Francis
Oh, it's veal.
Big Cat
It's the neck of a veal. So soft.
Francis
I thought it was a goat.
Sass
That looks delicious.
Francis
Oh, wait. If referring to lamb. Okay, it can be lamb. I get lamb and goat mixed up too. What is the difference between a lamb and a goat? Goats are like the.
Sass
What? They're different animals.
Francis
Goats are like the gypsies of lamb.
Big Cat
Yeah. They can't be trusted.
Sass
They're completely different animals.
Francis
They're like the rock climbers.
Big Cat
They're the illegal immigrants.
Francis
They live the side of the road. They're like, I don't want to be tied down.
Sass
It's true.
Francis
Lamb every night need to have a roof over their head. Yeah, they get eaten by coyotes and foxes. But. But, but no. Sheep get eaten by coyotes. Lamb kill coyotes. Really? I don't know.
Sass
Hey, I'm going to go with. No, you don't.
Big Cat
Lamb, sheep and mutton. We might as well just read it. What the fuck is a hogget?
Sass
Sheep with two permanent teeth.
Francis
A lamb is a young sheep.
Sass
That sounds like an alpaca.
Francis
Now, look, I don't want.
Big Cat
There's going to be a class of people that are furious with us.
Francis
I'm not trying to introduce most of the listeners. The alpacas are the illegal immigrants.
Big Cat
Oh, really?
Sass
They spit on you?
Francis
That's right. For asking for their papers.
Sass
Yeah. We had, like. There was like, a family in our town growing up that had alpacas. Just drive by every day, see alpacas.
Francis
I see that sometimes. And I think to myself, how'd that begin?
Sass
I don't know.
Francis
What are you doing?
Sass
Something bad happened.
Francis
What do you. What do you need? Alpacas?
Sass
Someone got laid off and they were like, I think we should get some alpacas. You know, get the energy up around here.
Big Cat
Or like, they moved out of the city and the dad didn't want to, and he's like, whoa, I'm getting alpacas. And, like, we have land. I'm going to put alpacas on.
Francis
You wanted more room. Okay, well, I'm getting my alpacas and I'm getting one vicuna and a Hoggett. One vicuna, three alpacas, no llamas. Yeah.
Sass
It's got to be some sort of crisis.
Francis
There are four of those. What are they called? There's alpaca, vicuna, llama, and then there's one more sheep. Do you know what the last one is?
Sass
No. Ass.
Francis
There's one more in the family. Tyler, can you look up the family of alpacas? Guanaco. I got it before you found it. I know it. It's Guanaco. Guanaco. Yeah, yeah, yeah, It's Guanaco. I figured it out. Fuck.
Big Cat
Yeah.
Francis
We don't know what these. What this family is. I don't know what they are.
Big Cat
Absolute freaks. It's like the byproduct of a sheep fucking a giraffe. It's disgusting.
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
Alpacas or guankos.
Big Cat
Guankos. They shouldn't exist. Honestly. They have to be the dumbest looking animals.
Francis
People don't know this, but actually, you know how ICE rounds up these illegals? Yeah. For the ones that they can't get the information out of that they're asking for. They send them to the secret island of Guanaco.
Sass
Really?
Francis
Where they torture them.
Sass
Easter Island.
Francis
It's the Latin version of Guantanamo. Oh, yes.
Sass
It's just a shit ton of llamas.
Francis
Guanaco, alpaca, alco.
Big Cat
Alcatraz.
Francis
Guantanamo. Guantanaco.
Big Cat
Guantanaco. Well, so what the fuck are you even doing in France?
Sass
Yeah. Wait, so are you going to France today?
Francis
No, end of the week.
Sass
Oh, okay.
Francis
Yeah.
Big Cat
What the fuck are you even doing in France?
Francis
Well, I'm going to Ireland with Foreplay, and you've got Surviving, so we weren't able to record. And you're away.
Sass
I'm away this week. Oh, we're not recording next week?
Francis
No. She's got Surviving.
Sass
That's huge. That's crazy. I didn't know that everybody go to France. Well, I know I get back from it. I'm gonna be in Atlanta for a week now. I wanted to come in when I get back.
Big Cat
Yeah.
Francis
When are you coming back from Atlanta?
Sass
Sunday or Monday, depending on how we win. If we win.
Francis
Sick.
Big Cat
I want to know what your plan is in France. I'm trying to live vicariously through your travels. What are you going to do day by day?
Francis
I'm going to shop.
Sass
So you're just hitting Perry?
Big Cat
Are you in the first orange Diesemont?
Francis
I think I am in the first horse.
Sass
Are you only hitting Perry or are you going anywhere else?
Francis
No, just Paris and then I'll go to Dublin for the day while I wait for the guys to arrive.
Big Cat
Oh, nice over there.
Sass
I've heard Dublin's pretty, like, walkable.
Francis
Is that so?
Sass
Yeah, it is cool. It's pretty small.
Francis
I don't really have much experience in Dublin.
Sass
I think you can just like, walk across the whole city.
Francis
I'm excited to Go.
Sass
I could be wrong about that.
Francis
I'm concerned about my packing.
Sass
Oh, I'm. I'm in the same boat. I'm in the same boat right now.
Francis
I'm.
Sass
I packed all my shit last night. I don't know. I'm definitely forgetting a lot of things.
Francis
My concern, you. You have one gaming tournament to attend.
Sass
I'm going to be gone for almost a week.
Francis
I get it. But my concern about my packing is that I have different climates. Climates. Three different climates that I have to pack for.
Sass
Me too.
Francis
And lots of different things I do inside the lobby, inside the.
Big Cat
Inside the venue.
Sass
It's going to be 30 degrees colder than it is outside for some reason. Season. So you got to prepare for that. And then you got that Atlanta air. It's always changing. You know what they say about the weather in Atlanta. If you don't like it, just wait. I think they say that about everywhere on the planet.
Big Cat
Or they also say there's two seasons construction and everything else everywhere on the planet. They say that.
Sass
63 in Atlanta.
Francis
The word, the worst winter I ever had was summer in Atlanta. That's what they say.
Sass
Oh, yeah.
Francis
That's what they famously say.
Big Cat
Look at that. 84 down to fucking devastating. 59 is the low. I mean, that's.
Sass
That's a 30 degree change right there. Yeah, just about.
Big Cat
Just a damn bout.
Sass
So, Francis.
Big Cat
So you got it way harder than Francis.
Sass
What are you going to do in France?
Francis
Well, just to finish the packing, thought I gotta go Paris. Then I'm going Dublin and all around Ireland. And then I have to fly back to Boston to then jump to Martha's Vineyard for my cousin's wedding.
Sass
Jesus Christ.
Francis
So I have to carry a suit bag through France, through Ireland, and all the way back to.
Sass
All right, let's think of some solutions here. So do you know anyone in New York going to the wedding?
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Francis
The family.
Sass
Yeah, no, that's not going to work. Hey, could you guys bring my tux?
Big Cat
Give the bride your tux.
Francis
That's who I know. That's who I know. But honestly, dude, I love what you just said.
Sass
I think that.
Francis
I think incredibly out of character. Productive question from you.
Sass
That's not out of character.
Francis
Let's think of some solutions. Do you know anyone from New York going to the wedding? In my life, I would not have thought that you would ever say something like that.
Sass
You know, who wants to carry a tux around all of Europe for a week?
Francis
You're helping me solve a problem.
Sass
Well, we're a little thin on topics right now. You haven't noticed.
Francis
We actually.
Big Cat
What are you doing?
Francis
We're not. You're just. You're just worried. We will be, but I'm not. I think we're fine. We're flowing. Yeah. So moving and grooving.
Sass
We're gonna figure this out.
Francis
My dad. Okay, my dad is going, but he's going from D.C. but your sister lives close to D.C. that's where he is.
Sass
Just trying to figure out if there's a way we could get the tux to your sister to get to my dad.
Big Cat
Is anybody going to dc? Well, Atlanta's on the way to dc.
Sass
I'm not going to be in dc.
Big Cat
What if you drove down, drove to
Sass
DC and flew out?
Big Cat
Yeah.
Sass
Fly out of place or whatever it's called.
Big Cat
Fly out of Doles.
Francis
All right, well, let's put it this way. If there's anyone listening to this podcast who will be going to Martha's Vineyard the weekend of, like, May 30, 31st, from New York City, who could pick up my suit today and only today?
Sass
Well, they're not gonna hear it.
Francis
Why not?
Sass
Because this comes out in two days.
Francis
That's the day. Oh, they would bring it in that weekend.
Sass
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think that's the move.
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
Do you. Are you dead set on bringing your own suit? Or would you be like. Would you just be willing to, like, do.
Big Cat
Would you borrow a suit from a Goodwill or something?
Sass
Like borrow or rent?
Francis
I'd rather that my plane crash than.
Sass
That's crazy. Borrow a suit is a crazy thing to borrow.
Francis
Freshman being invited to prom by a senior. Is that what you think this is? Borrow?
Sass
Say borrow?
Big Cat
Is there like a funeral?
Francis
Like a last minute, some inner city kid who might get drafted tonight? Is that the thought here?
Sass
Well, I Was thinking tux, but I guess it's a suit.
Francis
I think it's suit. Here's another option.
Big Cat
Okay.
Francis
I get a custom tailored suit in
Sass
Paris, but then you're still gonna run into the issue of you're the only thing that you're cutting out is having to fly to Paris.
Big Cat
Yeah, but he gets the experience of buying a French suit, I get a customer.
Sass
Don't you think that's a little flashy for not your own wedding? Like showing up in a. If you show up in a French custom suit, people are gonna be like, whoa.
Big Cat
But you won't, like, they'll be like wearing white.
Francis
No. Yeah, they'll be like. That's exactly what I expected, Francis to wear them white.
Big Cat
What kind of suit are you thinking? Are you thinking most people actually or
Francis
like most people can't tell that a custom suit is custom made, custom tailored? Yeah, most to the eye. Only true haberdashers can tell.
Big Cat
Or if you have like a very unorthodox pattern on the suit, which would be asshole Ish to wear.
Sass
Yeah. You know, you can get patterns.
Francis
My buddies all went to China after college and they said that there's this place in China where you can get custom suits made for the same price that you'd pay for like a off the rack J. Crew suit here in America.
Sass
Oh, yeah. I'm not surprised. So look, nothing wrong with those off the rack Chase J.
Francis
Crew suits. Not. Not at all. That's all I own. For what it's worth, I don't own a custom suit.
Sass
Oh either.
Francis
All my suits are from like suit
Big Cat
supply and I think I got four custom suits.
Sass
Yeah, that's not surprising.
Big Cat
I used to get custom suits for. Made for Most Dangerous game show.
Sass
Yeah, yeah. You have like the. You have like the Herb Brooks suits.
Big Cat
Yeah. And now that show's not on anymore, so.
Sass
Well, it'll come back.
Big Cat
I'm saying the budget. The budget was misappropriated.
Sass
Oh, yeah?
Big Cat
Yeah.
Francis
For what, the helicopters? Was that really why it died?
Big Cat
No, it was the suits.
Sass
The suits killed the show.
Big Cat
It was the custom suits.
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
You had custom suits for a lot of things. You were. You were rocking the custom suit. You used to wear suit in every video. Pretty much.
Big Cat
I did. I wore suits in some videos that I made. If I was doing like a investigative
Sass
report, like when we did the video in Minnesota with the Vikings fans, you were wearing a suit because that's where I got that photo. And I made that thing of like. I made that.
Big Cat
Were we rolling weed or something?
Sass
No, no, that Was for the lettuce club.
Big Cat
But I was wearing a suit for that.
Sass
Yeah, you were. I think it was the same suit.
Big Cat
Yeah, maybe. Oh yeah. Because that's a wintry suit.
Sass
That is a good winter suit.
Big Cat
You got to get a custom suit then. Francis, I can't be having more custom suits than you.
Francis
It doesn't feel like I have an option anymore.
Big Cat
You have to get the custom.
Francis
But I could do it in Dublin. Which would take out the flight from Paris to Dublin.
Big Cat
No, actually Dublin you could get. They have great wool over there.
Francis
Yeah. And Martha's Vineyard could be sea breezy.
Sass
It could be a little chilly.
Francis
Right on the cusp of May. June.
Sass
Yeah, some. Some lined.
Francis
There's a summer wool suit. You can get a summer wool suit. A light wool suit, I think. What about an alpaca suit?
Big Cat
Oh, now you're talking.
Francis
Now we're talking. Do they make suits or do they only make the scratchiest sweaters of all?
Sass
Yeah, yeah.
Big Cat
The thickest socks that your mom ever got you.
Sass
I would honestly.
Big Cat
Which are great. Honestly.
Francis
They say that if you wear an alpaca sweater onto an alpaca farm, the alpaca actually will try to fuck you.
Big Cat
Yeah. They don't spit on you. They spit on it.
Francis
They spit. They get ready by spitting.
Big Cat
They spit in their fucking hoof first to get you going.
Francis
What's the so much spit? They spit like a gallon of spit. You wouldn't have to have them re spit later on.
Sass
This is disgusting.
Big Cat
Honestly, I don't know if you know sass.
Francis
We're a little thin on right now.
Big Cat
We're talking about alpacas getting by.
Francis
Alpaca expectorating.
Big Cat
Give a alpaca a Lucy.
Sass
I gotta get a good suit for. I wish I brought. Now that I'm thinking about it, I wish I brought a suit to Atlanta because like for championship Sunday if we make it. That would have been.
Big Cat
If you guys are all in suits. Maybe you need to get a custom suit down there down in Atlanta. But like a. Like a TD Jake suit. You need to get like a suit that a brother would wear to like a stadium mask.
Sass
Yeah. Kings of Comedy suit.
Big Cat
The Kings of. Yeah. The Stacy Adam suit. Bag as hell. A bright orange suit.
Sass
Purple.
Big Cat
Yeah, purple.
Sass
Like imagine me and that.
Big Cat
Something that's wide. Stacy Adams.
Francis
I don't know who this is.
Big Cat
TD Jake is I think a. A televangelist.
Francis
Okay.
Big Cat
In the realm of a creflo dollar type type of deal.
Sass
Yeah. I would definitely need to get one of those.
Big Cat
American pastor.
Francis
Is he one of the really, really successful ones.
Big Cat
He is super successful.
Francis
That's cool.
Big Cat
And he's an absolute black king.
Sass
Did you guys ever watch what's it called?
Francis
What's the show?
Big Cat
Joel Osteen.
Sass
No, the Danny McBride.
Francis
Oh, he's pounded down. No mortal.
Sass
You guys ever watch that?
Francis
I watched a little bit of it.
Sass
So funny.
Francis
It's really good.
Sass
Yeah, it's really funny.
Francis
Yeah, it's really good.
Big Cat
For whatever reason I did, it never grasped me.
Sass
Did you ever try watching it?
Big Cat
I think I watched a little bit of the first season, but I think it was when it was coming out week by week.
Sass
You should go give it a re watch. It's just funny.
Francis
You know what I watched that I thought was excellent was Beef Season two.
Sass
Oh, yeah, I watched that too. It was good.
Francis
I thought it was really good. I don't know why more people weren't talking about Put me on what's be.
Sass
People have been raving about it. You're just not online.
Francis
That's fine. I don't take that as an insult. No, I know.
Big Cat
It's not an insult at all. That is funny. To just be like, yeah, I haven't heard anything about this.
Francis
I haven't heard anything about anything. Yeah.
Big Cat
To be honest with you, it wasn't in the New York magazine.
Francis
Yeah, no. Beef season one was about.
Sass
I never saw season one.
Francis
Ali Wong and this other guy who have this, like, ongoing feud.
Big Cat
Oh, yes.
Francis
And that was really good.
Big Cat
Asian. The Asian guy. Oh, that's Korean.
Sass
That's season one. I did. I watched, like, the first, like, three episodes of that.
Francis
That was really good, too.
Sass
I never finished.
Francis
You gave up on that. That was a good one season. I think season two is actually better.
Big Cat
Really?
Francis
I thought so.
Sass
That's what people were saying.
Francis
Yeah, I thought it was funnier. It's set in a really interesting, like, it's very much. It felt much more White Lotus. Yeah. Than season one did.
Big Cat
Koreans need to stop being disrespected in the fucking world of Asians.
Francis
Koreans need to stop making such good content because they're making Hollywood look bad. You're hearing tiny little Korean footsteps coming up behind them in the secondary.
Sass
They have squid games.
Francis
There's an argument to be made that parasite the film work and the TV work coming out of Korea is no though there.
Big Cat
Well, I just watched that. I was talking to you guys about it. I watched that Korean movie on the plane on the way to fish week, and it was it like on every movie that I saw nominated this year. It was so interesting.
Francis
Which one's that.
Big Cat
What was it called? Not Old Boy is an American classic. A Korean American classic.
Sass
It was 2003. It's crazy.
Big Cat
It was something like. It was 20. Just 20. 26. Korean movie, huh? No other choice. Did you wind up watching that? No other choice. It was so good.
Francis
Wow. I love a thriller. Yeah, Very cool.
Big Cat
It was so.
Francis
Okay, I'll check this out.
Big Cat
But I totally. I told that there.
Sass
Or did you watch it dubbed? Or did you just read the captions?
Big Cat
I think I was reading the whole time.
Sass
Maybe I'll watch that on the flight.
Big Cat
It was excellent. If I tell Atlanta their music is cool, their shopping is cool.
Francis
Yeah.
Big Cat
They're less expensive to get to than Japan.
Francis
Their skin care is amazing.
Big Cat
There's fashion. Is they. And they just dashing forward. I was looking at a picture of a group of Koreans and they looked like they were just having a blast.
Sass
So they swagged out.
Big Cat
And everybody was Korean too.
Sass
There's a lot of swaggy Koreans.
Big Cat
Their barbecue is great.
Sass
It used to be swaggy Chinese, but I think it's changed. There were changed around.
Big Cat
I think Korea always had that. I think that there's. There's just a lot of Chinese people. Yeah, I think the per capita swagginess Korea has that crown.
Sass
Yeah, they are pretty swaggy.
Big Cat
Maybe they like street over China. You're thinking Japan.
Francis
Well, China is the enemy. Whoa, you disagree?
Sass
I don't have any enemies.
Big Cat
See, this is where Francis has been. So you've been reading something and you're probably not wrong.
Sass
What do you got against China?
Francis
No. Where do I begin?
Big Cat
They're on our ass and everything. Yeah, they're right there and everything.
Francis
I don't know. Let's start with the fact that my dad owned a software company and every year they would pirate like 30% of
Sass
that's good business stuff that he's putting
Francis
out and just rip it.
Big Cat
They just have no IP laws.
Sass
Yeah, it's good business. Yeah, it's called hustling.
Big Cat
Their. Their military spending's up there. Their tech is up there. They're trying to make the yen the global currency, the Chinese yen.
Sass
That would be crazy. Imagine 10 years from now we're just all using yen. Something would have had to go very wrong.
Big Cat
I don't know. I think if we go right back.
Francis
It's been coming for a long time, but I think people thought it was going to happen sooner. And then it moved away. Whoa.
Sass
One yen goes a long way.
Big Cat
No, no. Goes a long way. 1 yen does not.
Francis
Oh, that's the Chinese. You won or whatever. Not bot. Yeah. Yuan. Yeah.
Sass
So 1 yen is 1. We gonna be rich forever.
Big Cat
Chinese Gilliam Wallow getting signed. Oh, God, I'm so happy those brothers are back with barstool.
Sass
Oh, love that. Stoked for them. Stoked for them.
Big Cat
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Sass
Well, we're going to Atlanta today and I'm. I'm going to be competing in my first. My first tournament professionally.
Big Cat
Competing?
Francis
Yeah. Yeah.
Big Cat
What do you mean you're playing?
Sass
Yeah, like, we're going to play, but, like, I'll probably. It's going to be like five minutes
Francis
because you'll get killed.
Sass
Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
Yeah. So one of our. One of the guys that we like, that he's like a. He does like the analytics and stuff for Bush, he had an extra team pass, which is needed to play in the major for challengers. And he was trying to sell it, but, like, he couldn't find anyone to buy it. So he was like, fuck it. Like, let's just like, I'm going to play. And then he, like texted in the group chat and asked if anyone wanted to play. And I was like, sure, I'll play. I mean, like, we're all like. They're like, we're going to get destroyed. It's not even going to be like. Like, it'll probably last three minutes if
Big Cat
I had to guess, but Jerry and Mook are playing.
Sass
Jerry and Mook aren't playing.
Big Cat
It's just you.
Sass
Just me? Yeah.
Francis
Are you that you're that much better than they are?
Sass
No. No.
Francis
Are you better than Jerry and Mook?
Sass
No, I'm better, like now. I don't really think so.
Big Cat
No.
Francis
Who's the best of the three of you?
Big Cat
Probably you.
Sass
Probably me.
Big Cat
He's just being home.
Francis
What kind of weird circular language are you using?
Sass
Because I will say, like, I. I used to be a lot better than them, but now, like, I don't as much anymore and they play a lot and they're both pretty good.
Francis
Now when you say you don't play as much anymore and they play a lot, does that mean that they must be playing 24 hours a day, non stop?
Sass
No, I only play Call of Duty like once or maybe like once or twice a week.
Francis
Oh, you play other games?
Sass
I play other games. And I also just don't. I haven't. Haven't had a ton of time to game recently.
Francis
Why?
Sass
Just been slammed.
Francis
You moved.
Sass
I moved.
Big Cat
What else you setting up or you. You do streaming about gaming, but you're not actually playing.
Sass
Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, this weekend I didn't play because I was live the entire time.
Francis
You're watching gaming.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
I see.
Big Cat
You're like Tom Brady. You're like Tony Rom.
Sass
I'm taking it all in. I'm studying the tape.
Big Cat
You're like Tom. You're like Tony Romo in the. You're in the booth now.
Sass
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Big Cat
It used to be on the sidelines.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
But you're also kind of like, who is that tight end Jason Whitten? He, like went and was in the booth for a year and he's like, like, actually, I'm gonna go back to playing. Yeah, it sucks to be in the booth.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
And so you're back out there.
Sass
Gotta get back out.
Big Cat
And you could have a Slumdog Millionaire type of.
Francis
I think what I'm thinking. I'm thinking you are gonna do something miraculous.
Sass
I think we're gonna make a run. And I just got to figure out a way to get some Adderall before.
Francis
Well, I was gonna say get you some Adderall. And then what we'll do is we'll find out who you're playing and I'll give them hallucinogenics.
Sass
Oh, I like that. Or even just like a Xanax, like. Yeah.
Francis
Larazepam. Some sort of Benzo.
Sass
Slow them down.
Francis
Tail.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
You know, I think you could give
Sass
the guys on the other team black tar heroin, and I think they're still winning.
Big Cat
Whoa. There's real screen.
Sass
No amount of Adderall in the world could make me win this match.
Big Cat
Let's try that, though. Like, let's put. What. What is the most.
Sass
I don't want to take Adderall anyway. I don't want to be like. Because I still do the stream.
Big Cat
Can you OD on Adderall or you just feel jittery?
Sass
I would assume your part probably explodes at a certain point.
Francis
Right. Let's give your competitors Hantavirus.
Sass
Yeah, my mom. My mom, like, sent me. Sent me something about, like, my old Adderall prescriptions. Like, I guess she, like, had the bottles. Is it. Is it still, like, do they still use all these names? Like, it's just straight up called, like, meth.
Big Cat
Oh, like methyloxidone.
Sass
Yeah, like methyl whatever. And then the other one's just called Amphetamine Sal.
Big Cat
So she's giving you a placebo. She was basically giving you Himalayan sea salt. And you thought that you were on Adderall, but it was in a capsule.
Sass
This is back. This is all.
Francis
These are old.
Big Cat
Yeah. Francis, what'd you see about Hanta?
Francis
Well, I saw that Hanta Burner has been touring Montoya a lot lately. She's going to be in the. In the. In the swimsuit edition, which is why she was throwing up on that cruise ship to look good for the shoot.
Big Cat
Oh, man.
Sass
What is going on with the. I heard it's in Atlanta.
Big Cat
Atlantahna.
Sass
Yeah, my sister was saying stay away from the hospitals.
Francis
What's going on? Can you tell? I don't even know what hantavirus is.
Sass
I don't really know much about it.
Big Cat
It's like a virus that you get from my core. Putting your, like, mouth right over a rotting rodent and, like, putting a towel over your head to kind of, like, breathe it in. Yeah, yeah. If you. If you huff a red. A dead rodent, you kind of just put it right to your mouth and, like, suck on it like a canister of keyboard cleaner, you get the hantavirus. And that's what they were doing on this cruise ship. They're passing around dead rats.
Francis
What the fuck?
Sass
How does this even happen? That's actually what.
Big Cat
Yes. I'm telling you, you have to. Fucking.
Francis
Huff here's freaking out because he's been sucking on his wall sockets the last couple of weeks, and his walls are filled with dead rats.
Big Cat
He was eating dead rats. Like a crawfish boil. Like you gotta pinch the head.
Francis
Hitting his electrical outlets like they're a jewel. Ever since he quit the jewel, he's been sucking on the three pronged outlet. We get some. That rat fume.
Sass
That's crazy. I didn't. I didn't know that's how they got it.
Big Cat
And then they, like the cruise ship, like people started dying and so they started leaving them off on different continents.
Sass
Really?
Big Cat
They literally, like put one, like one person in South America, one person in. In Africa, one person in North.
Francis
Something biblical. Yeah, like the way that like Noah decided to repopulate species.
Big Cat
Yeah, that's how.
Sass
Like, let's have everyone get two vicunas
Francis
here, two Alpac go there.
Big Cat
It's a hor crux. They're just splitting it up. Or it's like the Rothchild families. Like, one of them will go to France and one of them will go to Germany.
Sass
Yeah, split up.
Big Cat
What do you know about the Rothch child?
Sass
S not enough. That's crazy, though. I hope I don't get this. Apparently it's really bad. Like they're saying it's way, like. I think it's like you die in a worse fashion. Like, what are the symptoms? Does it say death? It's just death.
Francis
I'm not rooting for you to die. That'd be a real bummer.
Big Cat
Intense.
Francis
But if there were a way for you to die, Hanta would be pretty apt.
Sass
Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain.
Francis
Nobody would know.
Sass
I've had almost all of those today.
Francis
Yeah, nobody would know. You'd go to the hospital and they'd be like, I'm not seeing anything wrong here.
Sass
Shortness of breath, tightness in the chest. I mean, I've got feeling a little tight.
Big Cat
You might have it though. You might be like, you could be the chosen one. Like in the last bus, where it's like, I got bit when I was a kid. I've had the Hanta the whole time.
Sass
I don't know about this, guys.
Big Cat
I mean, you can't rush back. I would drive back, maybe pick up the suit on the way. But like, I would drive back because if you fly back, you're gonna infect everybody at the airport. And the symptoms might take a couple days to onset. On set,
Sass
we got an email, so we got.
Francis
We got like two cactus. It's just like every time I readjust, it pulls at my beautiful sweater.
Sass
Oh, yeah.
Francis
It's killing.
Big Cat
No.
Francis
How nice is that sweater?
Big Cat
Holy.
Francis
It's a good sweater.
Big Cat
What is that?
Francis
This is a very heavy sweater.
Big Cat
That's so nice.
Sass
Is that alpaca?
Francis
No, it's not alpaca.
Sass
What is it, standard cotton?
Francis
This is sweetbreads. It's made from the neck of goat.
Sass
Very nice. Very nice.
Francis
It's a sweetbread sweater.
Big Cat
Are you gonna like this outfit? In Ireland, you're royalty.
Francis
Is that so?
Big Cat
This is a perfect Ireland outfit.
Francis
Oh, because of the coal miners, I'm wearing their color. People are like, wow, he's just come out of the mine.
Big Cat
That's what they would think for sure.
Francis
Fuck you, Maggie Thatch.
Sass
I don't know if that. Is that the swag in Ireland?
Big Cat
This is the swag in Ireland. You think for sure. What do you think it is?
Sass
I don't know.
Big Cat
I've never. For what. For what Francis is going to be doing. It's either that or you're wearing, like, an Adidas tracksuit or some like that. That's more.
Francis
That's what it is.
Big Cat
Or some tweed.
Sass
You got to get, like, a nice suede vest like that.
Francis
Ireland. Have you talked to.
Sass
Have you talked to Kali at all?
Francis
No.
Sass
Let him know you're going out.
Francis
I haven't.
Sass
You're supposed to check in, give him the heads up.
Big Cat
You got to watch Sins of Our Father to prepare. Sins of the Father.
Francis
I'd like to check that out. I'm excited.
Big Cat
It's going to be great.
Francis
I'm very excited to hang out with Frankie Trent.
Sass
Are you going to go see a show? What is it, the Celtic Women? Is that what they're called?
Francis
Yeah, the Irish Voices. Traditional Irish dance Dance.
Sass
Doing the little dances.
Francis
Yeah.
Big Cat
It'll be nice hanging out with them. But it would be. It would be really nice to explore. I bet wherever your golf course is, I bet very close to there, there's, like, a roadside pub that's more, like, charming and enchanting than anything that you've ever been to in the United States.
Francis
There's an awesome pub near Royal county down that my dad and I went to last when we were there. And what was it called? Can't remember.
Big Cat
Fuck. My bad.
Francis
But I don't know. I mean, I'm just gonna have fun drinking pints and Guinness.
Sass
Yeah, you're just gonna get hammered.
Francis
No, I don't think so.
Sass
That sounds what you just said.
Francis
Anytime I've ever drank Guinness, I don't get hammered.
Sass
Yeah, I've not had enough.
Francis
Well, it's too hard to drink a lot of it.
Sass
I remember getting to a point where, like, I got. I remember, like, being at a bar and getting, like, another Guinness and Being like, I literally can't drink anymore.
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
And then just.
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
And getting it down.
Francis
Anyway, man, I miss drinking with you. I know. We did it three times, and we
Sass
had a damn good time.
Francis
We went and played pool. Remember those days?
Sass
Oh, yeah.
Francis
Hey, want to go play pool for three hours? Sure.
Sass
Yeah, sure. Why not?
Francis
You'd have beers, and I'd have cocktails.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
Yeah.
Francis
That's what we did.
Big Cat
And you'd slow down, and he wouldn't. He would get sharper, pick up speed.
Sass
He'd keep going.
Big Cat
Jason Williams was asking about your golf skill, and I was just like, he's technically proficient in all hand sports in every way. Like, he's just like. So technically, I called you orthodox. Like, you're not unorthodox. You're, like, the opposite of unorthodox. You just have, like, a orthodox pool delivery, orthodox darts, orthodox golf swing. It's not like you have any, like, kinks or hitches. It's just, like, down the line, mechanically perfect, and it's insanely frustrating.
Francis
I'm lucky in that I learned all those sports in the Orthodox community of Williamsburg where they teach you a very strict technique. You know, the dart. You keep your elbow in because it's the same arm you're going to use to beat your wife when she doesn't wear her head covering.
Big Cat
Right. And the. The pool is just the same as sawing off the penis at a brisk.
Francis
Exactly right. That's exactly right. Slicing up kosher deli meat.
Big Cat
You know, sawing off the penis. That's what a bris is. Right? You saw the penis off.
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
Remove the penis.
Francis
My golf swing is the same swing I use with my p. To build the tunnels under the synagogue.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
Oh, really nice swing sets.
Francis
In truth, Roan, I have to be. I have to be honest with you. My golf swing is not that orthodox. It's not that orthodox or. Or pretty.
Big Cat
What? Oh, I mean, it's. I mean, sass is, like, buttery.
Francis
I would say sass probably has a better golf swing or sweeter, technically.
Big Cat
Yeah.
Sass
I don't know why. I feel like my whole life I had a terrible swing, and then I just hit a point where I was like, butter. Butter just feels right.
Big Cat
It's the not working out.
Francis
Damn it, dude. You know, I really want you to be in the Internet invitational, but you have not made a single effort to put yourself in contention.
Sass
Yeah, because I don't play golf.
Francis
You're going to be better than players that are there. You would not be the last person picked. I would do can some of these guys. Your boy.
Big Cat
You'll be better than the retarded guy.
Francis
Oh, who's the.
Sass
Who's.
Francis
Who's the little like Dal.
Sass
Touche.
Francis
Gay, you know, escort kind of stripper kid?
Sass
Speed or no sketch.
Francis
Sketch was there. He was terrible.
Sass
Yeah, but he's like a celebrity.
Francis
Is he?
Sass
At least he was during that time.
Big Cat
He's a celebrity in the gaming world like you are.
Sass
First of all, no streaming and gaming
Francis
celebrity in the throat world. Taking it on. Put some sprinkles on his cheeks.
Sass
I don't. Yeah, I don't know. I think he's pretty vain.
Francis
Old 19th hole over there, you know?
Big Cat
Yeah, he was prostrating on camera.
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
Crazy.
Francis
If you guys sketch more like stretch, fucking leave him open.
Big Cat
Oh, my God.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
And I say that with love.
Francis
Yeah, I say that with love. Seems like a really nice guy, but he'll be. I don't know. I don't know if he's back in truth. But there were players of that ilk. You would certainly not be bottom of the barrel.
Sass
Barrel.
Big Cat
Bottom of the barrel. There's other dudes, definitely. Statistically, in. How many people were there?
Francis
50, 48 last year. I think there will. I think there will be more this year.
Big Cat
So Statistically, if like 11 of the population is gay, like, there were at least four other people who probably who had gay sex there as well as him.
Sass
You think so?
Big Cat
I don't want to like lump him in. Statistically.
Francis
Well, I had enough for at least three, so that it means there's probably only one more. I was getting my.
Big Cat
Oh, my God, you were insatiable.
Francis
Big cedar. You know what I mean?
Big Cat
Yeah, yeah.
Francis
Pains Valley. That's what I was calling the buttholes I pillaged.
Big Cat
Have you ever heard the stat?
Francis
Pain in those valleys.
Big Cat
Have you ever heard the stat that the average human being.
Francis
The what?
Big Cat
That the average human being swallows eight spiders in a lifetime?
Francis
I have heard that.
Sass
Yeah. But that it changes every day. It's like eight spiders and they're like. It's actually eight spiders every night. You know, they keep moving it. They keep moving the goalposts.
Big Cat
Well, that is because I've been funneling spiders up the average for everybody.
Sass
I don't think I had spiders, to be honest.
Big Cat
Oh, you had some spiders. How would you know?
Sass
Because I use. I tape my mouth shut.
Francis
I'm pretty sure our spider here at Barstool swallows eight Daves and
Sass
I. That's a good.
Big Cat
That's.
Sass
That's good. That's actually a great reason to Use the mouth Dave tape to reduce your spider intake.
Big Cat
I've been using it, but I have a little slit in mine to get
Sass
so the spiders can just.
Big Cat
So I can I still get to have the taste?
Sass
Yeah. Yeah.
Francis
I got a bad feeling. Those spiders know how to lift the tape up and then close the hatch on the way in.
Big Cat
I salt.
Francis
You'll never know.
Big Cat
I put tyin around my mouth tape so as they're on their way in, they season themselves on their way to spiders.
Sass
Yeah, dude, I had some crazy Tajin Jolly Rancher gummies the other day.
Francis
No.
Sass
Yup.
Big Cat
Shut up.
Francis
Why would you buy such a thing?
Sass
Oh, they were delicious.
Francis
Come on now.
Sass
Yeah. Look up spicy Jolly Rancher gummies.
Francis
I don't know about that, dude. That doesn't sound. That doesn't sound right to me.
Big Cat
Made by Kiva. Oh, these are weed gummies.
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Francis
yeah, I'm not a fan of this dude. These heat wave gummies.
Sass
Trust. Have I ever. Have I ever led you down the wrong path?
Francis
Spicy candy. Come on, bro.
Sass
This is like. They're like Mexican gummy bears.
Big Cat
This is very Mexican coated. The Mexican brothers have to love this.
Sass
You have you guys never had the Mexican gummy bears? Like the Tahin?
Big Cat
I've had like the. The one big atomic gummy bear. You know what I'm talking about?
Sass
Yeah, that's not at all what I'm talking about.
Big Cat
What are you talking about?
Francis
Dude, back when I. One of the last things I saw on my Instagram was this guy who he. I guess he films himself. He'll eat something insane and then film the aftermath. And he ate a thousand milligram gummy bear. Edible. It was like the size of a teddy bear. And just biting it, like eating its ears and stuff was impossible. And he's like, I'm gonna keep filming no matter what. Later that night, he's puking uncontrollably. He sleeps 16 hours and wakes up and his eyes are still so bloodshot. And he's like, I'm still so. He's like, it's building. Yeah, I think it Is this guy.
Sass
I mean, where do you even find that fucking thing?
Francis
What is it? How much is it? Is it a thousand milligrams? Oh my God.
Sass
I did not die from that.
Francis
Oh my God. Those.
Sass
Joey Diaz, the what does he take? The stars. He calls them like his magic stars. Yeah, like 200 milligrams each.
Big Cat
When I went to that wedding in Ethiopia, the groom linked up with all of his Ethiopian boys before and the one gave him like a SIM card. He's like, whatever you do, do not lose this SIM card. And he put the SIM card in his wallet and on his way to the airport, he took a 500 milligram gummy. And by the time he got into the airport, like his knees buckled outside the airport and his wife had to push him in a wheelch through the. His like wife to be on their flight back to Ethiopia. Had to push him in a wheelchair through the whole airport. When he woke up in Ethiopia, he had lost his wallet and his cell phone. And this dude's like SIM card that's like, was a one of one thing, like on his way to his wedding, lost everything that like.
Sass
I don't understand why people think that's a good idea ever. Why, why do people decide like, I'm going to get the highest I've ever been right before flying?
Francis
You know who does this, by the way, on a semi nightly basis? Clemmer.
Sass
Oh, yeah.
Francis
100, 150 milligram edibles.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
Like routinely.
Big Cat
Yeah. That is actually buckling yourself.
Sass
Like your, your tolerance has to be insane.
Big Cat
But it's not just tolerance. Like you're doing such insane stuff to your mind.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
Your brain is going through it.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
Like, imagine that guy who took the. What, how would you say a thousand.
Francis
Five thousand.
Big Cat
Five thousand milligra. And what was happening in his brain that his brain was like, shut it down for 16 hours.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
Shut this down.
Francis
He. He filmed himself again three days later. Still impossibly high. Apparently when that inescapably, miserably high, he's just like, I just want it to end. I don't think he was getting less high. I don't think he was wearing off.
Sass
Yeah, probably not. Apparently, like when that happens, you take like super strong edibles.
Francis
Apparently.
Sass
If. I think I've said this before, but if you. Apparently it's like you are like, you become noticeably less high like once you really. Yeah.
Big Cat
Because isn't that what's happening with edibles? The way they're metabolizing your stomach unleashes it like it's a completely different drug.
Sass
Pretty much. Yeah.
Big Cat
So if you just out the drugs.
Sass
I don't know. That's great. Like the. Yeah, the high dose edibles are freaky.
Francis
Yeah, that's nuts.
Big Cat
Who are those? Who the are those for?
Sass
I mean, dude, the one of the guys on our. On our. On bush.
Francis
Louis, wait. I'm sorry, Harry. How did his wife not get angry with him that she had to put, like, right before their wedding?
Sass
He probably should probably. There's nothing she can do.
Big Cat
She's probably, like, annoyed, but also, like, I don't know, it might be, like, lightly cultural that, like, the man just kind of, like, gets to do what they want to do.
Francis
I see. Yeah.
Big Cat
He just was, like, doing what he wanted to do.
Sass
Yeah.
Big Cat
Like, she takes his kids home to Ethiopia for like a six month stretch of time just to, like, be raised with her family in Ethiopia. Just. And. And he just is, like, living in the United States as if, like.
Sass
Yeah, Galaxy gas.
Big Cat
Yeah. Well, I might be saying hi, but, like, he just doesn't have the response
Francis
in six months. All right, here we go. We go.
Sass
Like, opening the drawers.
Francis
He's like, takes out the hammer. John Wick busts open the floor. There's a vault underneath. All right, what do I start with? Literally goes into cryospace. Like, cryo sleep until she returns.
Big Cat
Yeah, it's cultural.
Francis
That's amazing. That's amazing. Wait, what were you saying? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.
Sass
No, you're talking about, like, on the flight to Birmingham, the guy took like a. Like a 10 milligram edible. And then I was talking and I was like, yeah, I didn't, like, I didn't fall asleep. I didn't even get tired. Like, nothing happened. And then our. But the guy that was on our team, Lou Fire. He was like. He was like, yeah, I took a 200 milligram live rosin edible. I passed out immediately. I was like, bro, what even is that? That's insane.
Big Cat
You passed out. Like, why did you take it to your neck?
Francis
Yeah, like, what have you done? What the.
Sass
I just don't know how you could get on a plane that up.
Francis
So this is my. A friend of mine has a petrifying fear of flying.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
And I. He didn't always. And I said, what happened? And he said, one time he took an edible before a flight and had a panic attack on the flight. And ever since then, he has had a. It triggered a fear of flying. He didn't before that. And he went to see a Psychiatrist or psychologist about it. And he walked in the door and he was like, I've developed a fear of flying. And the psychologist said, did you take an edible? And he said that one in three cases that he sees, one in three of people who have a crippling fear of flying, or maybe ones that have developed it happened because of a bad edible experience.
Sass
Why are people taking it? Like, you'd be better off smoking weed before getting on a plane, maybe.
Francis
So I guess. Well, I guess my point is I am somebody. I don't. I want to take edibles for my upcoming overnight flight.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
But I've been doing it for a long time.
Sass
Yeah, you're not going to.
Big Cat
I think that people want to take. Take an edible that's as big as their anxiety about flying. And, like, it's inversely proportional, not directly proportional. So it's like, if you're really scared, you shouldn't take 80 milligrams. Like, you should take way less or not or none. Probably just zero. And if you're not scared at all, maybe you take, like, a bunch. And if your tolerance is high, but in general, like, 10 milligrams of an edible is probably okay.
Francis
Oh, yeah?
Sass
Yeah. Even the fives?
Francis
Yeah.
Big Cat
Why?
Francis
How.
Big Cat
What's your tolerance at right now?
Francis
I'll take tens.
Sass
You ever go up more?
Francis
No, there's no. There's diminishing returns at that point.
Sass
That story about wake up feeling like that.
Francis
And I eat a jar of peanut butter with honey, and I go, scoop of peanut butter. And then I go into the honey.
Sass
Yeah.
Francis
So I wake up, and the honey. And the honey has peanut butter in it, which drives me crazy. Yeah, that drives me crazy.
Sass
It's hilarious that something can drive you crazy that you do.
Francis
Yeah, absolutely. And you get to this thing where you're like, why am I not going honey first? Peanut butter. Yeah, that would solve it. I don't mind having honey in the peanut butter jar.
Sass
No, no one does.
Big Cat
Is your honey a squirt? I should have brought in this honey that I just got a fucking honeycomb from this past weekend. I should have brought it in for gift Tuesday.
Francis
Oh, that helped me with my allergies. Local honey money. You're talking.
Big Cat
Yes. And it's like this beautiful comb.
Sass
Would have loved that. Next time. Next Tuesday.
Big Cat
No, I mean next Tuesday.
Francis
I do think we're not gonna report
Big Cat
together for a month.
Francis
I do think that later in life when I have land and can actually settle down, I'm assuming that the hobby of being a rapierist will Come to me.
Sass
Sorry, Come again.
Francis
Oh, excuse me, sorry.
Sass
What was that?
Francis
It's apiarist. It's not rapierist?
Big Cat
Rapierist, that is the sword that is.
Francis
And I'm already proficient with that rapierist, so there's no reason for me to pick up the rapier.
Big Cat
And Robespierre? Who's Robespierre?
Francis
He was the Reign of Terror in the French Revolution.
Big Cat
Robespierre. So Robespierre had a rapier and an apiary?
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
Interesting.
Francis
An apiary is a beehive and an apiarist is somebody who studies bees and tends to be.
Sass
Yeah, yeah.
Big Cat
And also has sex with.
Francis
Is someone who outdoes the next closest rapist.
Sass
Oh, I see. I see.
Francis
He's rapier.
Sass
Someone who takes it to that next level.
Francis
Rapier. Yeah, yeah,
Big Cat
that would be a nice hobby. I feel like guys who have that hobby, like rape
Sass
or bees.
Big Cat
I feel like it was way more popular in the 70s, the bees.
Francis
I'm not a criminal. I'm just. It's recreational for me.
Big Cat
Isn't that what the movie Taxi's about or something?
Francis
Taxi Driver.
Big Cat
Taxi Driver. Taxi Driver, yeah. Taxi's the one with.
Francis
That's a show.
Big Cat
Queen Latifah. Oh, yeah, that's a show. What's the one with Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon? Oh, Taxi as well.
Francis
Oh, I remember that movie. What the fuck was that? She's the driver, right?
Big Cat
Yeah. Or something. Collateral, maybe. Taxi. Yeah, Taxi. Like the show.
Sass
Like the show.
Big Cat
That's that. They can just take the name from that famous ass show.
Francis
Jimmy Fallon had a couple of hits in that era. I remember watching the one about the Boston Red. Yeah, that was a great movie. Drew Barrymore, a little rom com.
Sass
Yeah, come on, now.
Big Cat
Nah, he was like. People were obsessed and in love with him.
Francis
Yeah,
Big Cat
yeah. They're like, he's the young Hawkeye and he sings and he kind of giggles his way through. He's very charming.
Francis
Very charming.
Big Cat
Very charming guy. Deep underbelly. A dark, deep seated underbelly.
Francis
I mean, that's my part. That's the part of Jimmy Fallon, to me that makes him so redeemable is that he's a total lush.
Big Cat
That he would, like, show up to the late night show and just have like a black eye.
Francis
Dude, there was a time when he. He had to wear this, like, finger bandage. Like it was a splint and a finger bandage. And he claimed on air that it was some issue. The truth of the matter, this was the rumor among people who knew was that he was so drunk One night that he was wearing his ring and he fell in his own kitchen and there was a drawer open in the kitchen and his hand snagged and the ring ripped all the skin off. Like, ripped it up the hand.
Sass
Yeah, He's a big drinker.
Francis
Big time drinker, but that's awesome.
Sass
Yeah, he likes to party.
Francis
Because if he were just. Just as perfect and as sort of like animatronic doll as he is, appears to be, then, you know, you need
Big Cat
to have a vice.
Francis
Boring.
Big Cat
You need to have a counter. Or there's something we don't see at all. Yeah, there's something very dark under there.
Francis
But the fact that, like, he'll end a show on a Wednesday and end up at some bar in New York and, like, be like, I got everyone's tab.
Sass
Yeah. Yeah.
Francis
Is awesome. I love that.
Big Cat
I think his apartment, his old apartment was for sale. There's like a raised platform with a piano and some, like, stained glass that he had on famously or something when he was very drunk. There was on the piano too, I believe. Beautiful Steinway hooked on the stained glass. The skin off of his ass.
Sass
Right.
Big Cat
Cool.
Sass
Good stuff.
Francis
Fun. Really good stuff. Today Fell said we were thin on topics.
Sass
No, never.
Francis
We went everywhere, bro.
Sass
Yeah, of course. We always do.
Francis
Yeah.
Sass
All right, boys. Thank you. Thanks, everyone. Thanks for listening. We will see you next week. Thank you. Goodbye.
Release Date: May 14, 2026
Podcast: Son of a Boy Dad
Hosts: Sass (Lil Sasquatch), Francis, Big Cat
This episode captures the loose, comedic, and conversational energy at the heart of Son of a Boy Dad. Recently college-dropout Sass leans on his cohosts and friends—Francis and Big Cat—for guidance, banter, and reflections on adulthood, travel, and internet notoriety. The trio jump rapidly between stories, inside jokes, listener relatability, and sharp comedic observations on topics ranging from college rites of passage, Barstool drama, global travel plans, Anthony Bourdain, Korean pop culture, and the realities of adulthood.
| Timestamp | Topic | |---------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 01:19 | Parents and comedy, sensitivities to stand-up content | | 05:06 | College rites of passage (Harvard traditions) | | 10:13 | France & Ireland travel plans | | 11:13 | Dave Portnoy's tweet and standup career decisions | | 19:07 | Anthony Bourdain’s life, legacy, and controversies | | 24:54 | Alpaca, sheep, goats, and animal analogies | | 31:13 | Multi-event packing struggles (suit dilemma) | | 43:32 | Korean v. Chinese cultural “swag” | | 46:43 | Sass’s professional gaming tournament | | 66:11 | Overdosing on edibles and travel panic stories | | 72:05 | “Apiarist” mix-up and bee/honey tangent | | 74:54 | Jimmy Fallon’s injury and rumors |
Language and Tone: The episode maintains Son of a Boy Dad’s signature blend of irreverence, self-deprecation, fast-paced jokes, and off-beat storytelling. Even the most “serious” segments (on Bourdain, mental health, or family traditions) are approached with sideways humor, rapid-fire riffing, and a distinct lack of pretension.
Group Dynamic: The trio are comfortable oscillating between affectionate roasts and deeper personal admissions. Listeners get a blend of Barstool behind-the-scenes, Gen Z/Millennial anxieties, and inside jokes that balance relatability with the absurd.
Listeners come away feeling like they’ve eavesdropped on a group of friends spiraling through stories of new adulthood, public scrutiny, and the idiosyncrasies of modern life—always filtered through a lens of quick wit, cultural observation, and the perpetual question: how, exactly, does one become an adult?
Memorable episode for its blend of nostalgia, current events, global flavor, and always-on banter. Even thinner-topic moments become rich fodder for the show’s unique comedic chemistry.