Portugese Man O' War | Son of a Boy Dad #417

Summary

Son of a Boy Dad #417 – "Portuguese Man O’ War"

Release Date: July 9, 2026

Hosts: Lil Sasquatch (Ron), Rone (Harry), and Francis

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Episode Overview

In this episode, the Son of a Boy Dad crew reunites in the Barstool HQ studio for a wide-ranging, hilarious, and occasionally heartfelt conversation about summer trips, travel horror stories (especially with kids), masculinity, sports culture, European vacations, international adoption laws, and more. 'Rone' regales the guys with tales from his challenging family trip to Portugal, which leads to themes of adulthood, manhood, and worldview-building. Sprinkled throughout are comic riffs on topics like locker room nudity, concerts, soccer heartbreak, massage parlors, and even being immortalized as soccer trading cards. There's a signature mix of Barstool banter, personal stories, and moments of genuine reflection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Back in the (Hot) Studio – Fashion & Dinner Plans

[02:41–05:12]

• The crew reminisces about recent offsite Chicago episodes and debates their chosen studio outfits.
• Ron gets playful heat for putting too much effort into his “smart, elegant” outfit, which leads to being (half) jokingly excluded from a fanciful dinner at “The 86.”
  • “You’re dressed like an olive they put in a martini.” – Harry, [04:28]
• Discussion about exclusive vs relaxed dining and vacation mindsets.

2. Travel Horror Stories: Wyoming Motels & Group Dynamics

[05:19–07:17]

• Ron shares “it’s not the Ritz” stories about booking a single cheap motel room for his trip to Jackson, WY with his friends.
• Classic guy anxieties: Will someone end up on the spare couch? Nakedness around friends?
  • “I don’t think I have any friends that I would do that [walk around naked].” – Ron, [06:47]

3. Gender Differences in Privacy & Locker Room Culture

[07:18–13:33]

• The boys dissect the differences between men and women’s comfort with nudity, changing, and group bathrooms.
• Why are men so private in locker rooms? What’s it say about masculinity? How do team sports affect this dynamic?
  • “I think the team sports brothers are more likely to…” – Harry, [09:58]
  • “If a seven foot dude has a small dick, that’s gonna hurt team dynamic!” – Harry, [11:22]
• Regional, racial, and sport-specific culture impacts how comfortable players are with group showering.

4. Soccer Sadness: USMNT & Watching with Friends

[13:29–17:00]

• Recapping a brutal USMNT performance (vs Belgium), lost hope, and the agony of rooting for underperforming teams.
  • “Twenty minutes in, I was like, this is over.” – Ron, [13:49]
• Goalie blunders, joke theft on Twitter, and the pain of being a sports fan.

5. British Media Archetypes & Simon Cowell’s Power

[17:17–19:44]

• The fascination with UK personalities who are “just sassy” as a job.
  • “If you’re British, there’s a job for just being sassy…” – Harry, [17:38]
• Simon Cowell’s career, making boy bands, and even Shark Tank judges demanding slices of every company.

6. Concerts and the Power of Pop Stars

[19:44–23:42]

• The scale and cultural impact of Harry Styles vs Taylor Swift tours; what it feels like to “move stadiums.”
  • “He’s treated in a way humans shouldn’t ever be treated—20,000 people singing your thoughts back to you!” – Harry, [22:04]
• FOMO about traveling for shows; the beauty of shared, massive cultural experiences.

7. Social Media & Consumerism Detox

[24:52–25:38]

• Francis relapses to Instagram after a hiatus, realizes he’s spending less and selling belongings instead of buying:
  • “I am streamlining my life. I sold my guitar.” – Francis, [25:39]
• Nostalgia and casual ridicule for former hobbies.

8. Francis’ Do-Rag Era & Nervous Habits

[29:13–30:30]

• Francis admits to “scratching his head,” and after reading advice, purchases a do-rag to prevent it—sparks jokes about self-image and comfort.

9. Harry’s Trip to Portugal: Flying with Kids Hell

[33:10–38:46]

• Dramatic, funny, and harrowing recount of an international, overnight flight with small children—crying, judgmental stares, internal dialogue, and being “beaten by Delta 1 attendants.”
  • “If they had put al-Qaeda through what I went through, we’d have known Bin Laden’s location by September 12th.” – Harry, [35:23]
• The exhaustion of family travel, strength tests of parenthood, and the savior of Portuguese daycare.

10. Adopting Older Kids, Orphanages, & International Law

[41:08–44:56]

• Spirited speculation on international adoptions—“Jumping to third base” by adopting older, housebroken kids.
• Francis relays accurate, up-to-date info on adoption bans from Russia (2012) and China (recent).
  • “...legally barred from adopting Russian children since 2012... what was previously one of the largest international adoption programs in the world.” – Francis cites live Googling, [44:41]

11. Economics & Identity in Adoption

[46:08–47:48]

• Playful banter about Russian and Chinese adoptees “losing” their accent and cultural markers.
  • "I want my bottle, mother! Where is my borscht?" – Francis, [46:48]

12. Francis’ All-American 4th: Swimming Hole with Guatemalans

[65:57–73:24]

• Seeking authenticity on July 4th, Francis befriends six Guatemalans at a swimming hole, navigates language barriers, shares beer and carne asada.
  • “It was weirdly a very American thing to have a beer with a bunch of Guatemalans on the 4th of July.” – Francis, [72:54]
• Reflections on the importance of learning Spanish, American melting pot experiences, and being out of the curated “club” world.

13. Pop Culture: Cristiano Ronaldo, Language, and Locker Room Banter

[74:30–76:28]

• Joking about Ronaldo and Kim Kardashian’s language barrier, Shohei Ohtani’s supposed lack of English, and communication in sports.

14. Soccer Card Surprise – Immortalized in Panini Packs

[77:27–80:55]

• The guys unwrap Panini World Cup playing cards to discover… themselves! Genuine confusion and delight at being included among global soccer icons.
  • “Think really hard about what you’ve been doing the last twenty days.” – Harry, teasing the bit, [81:12]

15. Post-Game Pub Life & Rituals

[83:16–84:19]

• Tales of watching World Cup matches at “the poor table,” Guinness Zeros, and the pecking order of soccer fan gatherings.

16. Intellectual Curiosity/Classic Math Fail

[84:24–85:17]

• Francis completely flubs division by zero live on air (“wouldn’t it be one?”), prompting an all-dude spiral into math jokes and editorial decisions.
  • “I think anything divided by zero is an irrational number.” – Francis, [85:13]

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• "If a seven foot dude has a small dick, that's gonna hurt team dynamic!" – Harry, [11:22]
• "If they had put al-Qaeda through what I went through, we'd have known Bin Laden's location by September 12th.” – Harry, [35:23]
• “You’re dressed like an olive they put in a martini.” – Harry, [04:28]
• “I am streamlining my life. I sold my guitar.” – Francis, [25:39]
• “It was weirdly a very American thing to have a beer with a bunch of Guatemalans on the 4th of July.” – Francis, [72:54]
• “I've never had something be more true on the podcast.” – Francis, after accurate Google on Russia adoption law, [45:01]
• “You're in Panini now. Is this real? Are other people gonna be pulling me?” – Ron, [80:48–80:51]
• “I only allow three a day though… I’ve run out of lotion.” – Francis, in a riff about being paid to be massaged, [62:31–62:37]

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Highlighted Segments & Timestamps

• Fashion Banter, Dinner & Why Ron Isn’t Invited [02:41–05:12]
• Team Sports, Locker Rooms, & Old-School Masculinity [07:00–13:33]
• Harry’s Portugal Flight from Hell [33:10–38:46]
• Adoption Law Deep Dive [41:08–47:48]
• Francis’ ‘Real’ American 4th [65:57–73:24]
• The Panini Soccer Card Bit [77:27–80:55]

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Tone and Style

True to the Son of a Boy Dad spirit, the episode weaves rapid-fire irreverent comedy, sarcastic self-awareness, and relatable vulnerability. The banter frequently tips into absurdity, reflects the hosts' comedic instincts, and invites the audience to both cringe and connect—as when Harry paints family travel as a torture chamber, or Francis’s authentic attempts at cross-cultural connection are both celebrated and gently mocked.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a great introduction to the podcast’s free-flowing, topic-hopping style and the comedic chemistry of its hosts. Through stories about travel, friendship, locker rooms, international adoption quirks, and gifts both physical and metaphysical, the guys build a worldview that’s as skeptical and self-deprecating as it is thoughtful and fun.

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Skip to these if you want:

• Travel horror stories: [33:10–38:46]
• International adoption jaw-drop: [44:39–45:01]
• Francis’s immigrant 4th: [65:57–73:24]
• “You’re in the World Cup now”: [77:27–80:55]

Transcript

[Harry]

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[Ron]

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[Francis]

Today's episode is presented by our partners at Chase Sapphire Preferred. One thing Ronan and I can agree on is that a lot of our spending tends to revolve around food and travel. Whether it's trying a new restaurant, booking a trip, or stocking up on groceries, those purchases add up. That's one reason the Chase Sapphire Preferred Card stands out. Card members can earn 3x points on dining, online, groceries, gas stations and EV charging, plus 5x points on travel booked through Chase Travel and 3x points on vacation home rentals through top brands like Airbnb and vrbo.

[Harry]

Basically, it rewards a lot of the stuff that I'm already spending money on anyway.

[Francis]

Exactly. And with all these new benefits, the annual fee is still just $95. To learn more about the Chase Sapphire Preferred card, go to chase.com. sapphire Preferred that's chase.com Sapphire Preferred cards issued by JP Morgan Chase Bank NA Member FDIC subject to credit approval terms apply.

[Ron]

Yeah, I mean we. I'm fine to start. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. It is Tuesday, July 7th and we are here back in HQ trays. Is that the end of our Chicago episodes?

[Harry]

Yes. Yeah.

[Ron]

Cool. So, yeah, that was it. That Was. We completed all those.

[Harry]

Yeah. We had banks and episodes.

[Ron]

Yeah. Now we're here. Now we're back. We're back in the studio. I mean, it is a scorcher in here today.

[Francis]

Yep. Perfect day for a wool flannel.

[Ron]

Well, you're wearing a denim jacket. I'm saying that I gotta look cool. Well, I'm trying to look cool, too. It's also only, like, 68.

[Harry]

You guys. Both. You guys. Both are cool. Both your credit. You guys. Good color palette and really nice layering.

[Francis]

That might be my favorite shirt of yours.

[Ron]

It's a solid shirt, that one.

[Francis]

And then the sweater with the. With the fish on it. I love the green one.

[Ron]

Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah. You're kind of getting a little bit too wrapped up in how you look, though.

[Ron]

Big time.

[Harry]

I just want to let you know.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Your outfits, you're putting. You're putting too much time into them.

[Francis]

Yeah. You've gone corporate.

[Ron]

Yeah, big time.

[Harry]

He sold out bad.

[Francis]

Your jokes are suffering.

[Ron]

Oh, big time.

[Francis]

You got too good looking.

[Harry]

Suffering.

[Francis]

Yeah. But if I had known that you might wear something like that, I might have extended an invitation to the dinner this evening.

[Ron]

Yeah. Well, so, yeah, let's hear about this dinner.

[Francis]

We're going to the 86. You would love it. But unfortunately, isn't that kind of term

[Ron]

that people use for garbage?

[Harry]

Yeah. Or like when you 86amenu?

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah, it's 86.

[Francis]

Cancel an order.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

The 86 has a dress code of smart, elegant attire. Any guest who does not appear sufficiently well presented may be refused entry. That's you.

[Ron]

I mean, I'm. This is as smart attire as it can get.

[Harry]

You are dressed for the 86 today.

[Ron]

This is smart.

[Harry]

You're dressed like an olive that they put in a martini.

[Francis]

If I had known you had that in you, I might. I might have said we're three.

[Ron]

No, no, no, I don't mind. All good.

[Francis]

I think you mind a little.

[Ron]

No, I really don't mind. I'm going. Look, I'm going to Wyoming tomorrow. I'm on vacay mode right now.

[Francis]

Wow.

[Harry]

Well, what better way to kick off a vacay than like, one of the top 10 toughest reservations to get in the city.

[Ron]

Yeah, but, you know, I don't. I don't roll like that.

[Harry]

What do you mean?

[Ron]

I like to find the easiest reservation to get in the city. I'm more into places that don't have reservations.

[Harry]

You can just walk right in.

[Ron]

Yeah, we don't expect frequenter. Yeah, exactly.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Dunkin Donuts.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Harry]

You just stand up and you can also get ice cream at. Ye.

[Ron]

Exactly.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

They serve breakfast all day round.

[Ron]

Yeah, that's more my speed.

[Harry]

Wherever you like to go, you got to be fired up for Wyoming.

[Ron]

I am. I'm very excited. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to it.

[Francis]

What's the. What's. What's happened with the hotel situation?

[Ron]

Well, so funny enough, I, like, forgot about that completely. And then Beau hit me up and he had listened to the podcast and he was like, so should we just get a hotel then? And I was like, yeah. I was like, I've been saying we should get a hotel the whole time. And then we got a hotel. No, it's not actually. It's like a moat. We're in like a shitty motel.

[Francis]

Did they contribute or you?

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah. I was like, I'll pay for the whole thing. And they're like, no, we'll split it.

[Francis]

We don't care.

[Harry]

We don't want to hear about it on your show. Yeah, this is our lives. We, like, we didn't choose the life of being in contact to get poked fun at for our.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Harry]

How much are the hotels a night?

[Ron]

Well, it's a motel and I think it was like, for three people. It was like. Want to say it was like 250, something like that total. Yeah, yeah, it's like, Jackson's expensive.

[Harry]

You have your own rooms for a moat.

[Ron]

This like Super 8 per room? No, for one room.

[Francis]

Oh, you got one room.

[Ron]

Yeah, we got one room, two beds and a couch.

[Francis]

I think that's not bad.

[Ron]

It's not terrible, but for a motel it's not great.

[Harry]

But I know you're not sleeping on the couch, but, like, since you split it evenly, you should have the option to wind up on the couch.

[Ron]

Yeah, I'll probably. I mean, there's a chance I'll end up on the couch. Yeah, I got no problem with that.

[Harry]

One third chance.

[Ron]

As long as we can just shower before going home, I'm fine. I just don't want to sit on a plane after being in the woods for a week.

[Francis]

Is this a group of friends with whom you have such comfort that all of you guys can, like, walk around naked after a shower and it's not weird.

[Ron]

I don't think I have any friends.

[Francis]

I thought this would have been that true.

[Ron]

I don't have a single friend that I would do that.

[Harry]

You're telling me you can't go bare shafted in front of your friends?

[Francis]

You know, you're just like you have. You come out of the shower with a towel.

[Harry]

Towel.

[Francis]

And you're gonna have to change.

[Ron]

It would be like anything. You'll be like, I'm dropping trowel. Like, turn around.

[Francis]

Oh, you would say that.

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

You come out with them. You come out of the shower, there's one towel, you put it around your hair and you just walk out there.

[Francis]

Yeah, exactly.

[Harry]

That's what I would walk with. With your pubic mount.

[Ron]

Yeah. No. Yeah. We're not flashing pubes or anything like that. Her especially not.

[Harry]

I feel like girls do that, like, definitely all the time.

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah. Girls don't care about that.

[Harry]

Which is crazy.

[Ron]

Yeah. They're like piss together and stuff.

[Harry]

Yeah. In the same toilet.

[Ron]

Imagine pissing with one of your boys. I like, yo, can you leave

[Harry]

it? Would it.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

It.

[Francis]

It. Yeah. I mean, urinals is. It's fine. But if there's one toilet and a single use bathroom, also, I think the

[Ron]

assumption would be like, those guys are doing drugs in there. Like if me and you were at a bar and we were just in the bathroom together, everyone would be like, they're doing co.

[Harry]

If the bouncer was like, get the out of there. Yeah.

[Ron]

Yo, chill, dude.

[Harry]

I'm.

[Ron]

My boy's pissing right now.

[Francis]

We're both pissing in there, talking about something. He's having a hard time. Do you mind?

[Ron]

Yeah. Men can't get away with that.

[Harry]

Yeah. It's bullshit.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Harry]

It's a double standard. But they're walking around, clams out, cans out. And I think that it's. I really think that it's because there's nothing that's like, dudes, their penises are the one piece of privacy men have. Exactly. And women have no privacy because of athleisure.

[Ron]

Yes, yes. Very, very right.

[Francis]

A lot of logic being poured in here, and I'm not sure I follow it all.

[Ron]

I'm not a big, like, you can't see girl.

[Harry]

You know what girls all know. There's no, like, surprises when girls all get naked with each other. They're all like, you know, the girls. Like, if she had big boobs or

[Ron]

small boobs, kind of regardless.

[Harry]

Not like a dick where it's like you could have the fucking corkscrew dick. Like a fucking duck.

[Francis]

But. But wait a minute. Hold on a second. Maybe girls are better at reading that than I am. But there have been times where I have unearth breasts that I thought were large and they ended up being smaller or vice versa. Sometimes they were a well kept secret.

[Harry]

Well, maybe they don't feel the need to fool each other. And they want to fool you.

[Francis]

Well, they're not just fooling me and not fooling them. You think?

[Harry]

Yes, I think they're just. Yeah, like, I'm doing whatever.

[Ron]

I think they're fooling you and specifically not fooling them.

[Francis]

Oh, I'm going on a date with Francis tonight. Let me wear three sports bras.

[Harry]

Yeah. Help me. Help me with.

[Ron]

That's much more likely to happen going out with you than going out with her friends.

[Francis]

I don't want him to think. I don't want him to like me the way way my friends do for my big boobs, for how honest I am about my large breasts.

[Harry]

Yeah. I really think that's what it is.

[Francis]

I want him to think I'm humble.

[Harry]

I really think that's what it comes down to there. There's not many friends that I have that I'm going bare shafted in front of as well. But I think that's because I didn't play many team sports.

[Ron]

Yeah, I think that's me.

[Harry]

I think the team sports brothers are

[Ron]

more likely to like dudes that play soccer.

[Harry]

They, like, run trains.

[Ron]

Yeah. Yeah. They pretty.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Ron]

They each.

[Francis]

I think. I don't think it's soccer so much as it's hockey. Football, lacrosse.

[Ron]

I would say soccer one, hockey two. I do. Like. I do think hockey is right.

[Francis]

I don't think basketball is that high, Ron. I think that a lot of those basketball teams have individual stalls.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Teams are small, so they can do that.

[Ron]

Yeah. And they're also deeply homophobic.

[Francis]

We. Yeah, correct.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

We.

[Francis]

We had to shower in the type of shower you go through when you check in at Rikers. Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah. You're getting sprayed down in your shaved.

[Francis]

You're going into hurt. Yeah, exactly.

[Ron]

Do you think they changed that, though? Like, do you think since you've been there, like, they probably added, like, curtains? Because I remember when I was in middle school, we didn't have, like, the lot. The gym. I mean, obviously you were only going there for gym. So you weren't. No one was really actually showering after. But then I remember going to high school, and they updated everything and they had curtains now.

[Francis]

We didn't. They don't have curtains. There's a team building element to showering together.

[Harry]

That's how, like, Dion used to be. Like, hey, you need to. As men, you need to be able to shower together. Which means, like, you need to just be able to have all your insecurities and flaws laid bare. And I think that that's probably what it does. And with basketball players, they have the most to lose because like, if a seven foot dude has a small dick, it's like.

[Ron]

Yeah, if Wemby's got a. Yeah.

[Harry]

If he's just got enough. He's got a little button, then like. Yeah, that's pretty funny.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah, that shit's actually hilarious.

[Ron]

And that'll. But honestly, that, that'll probably hurt the dynamic of the team. Like, if you find out that your all star player has a micro penis, you're like, is this supposed to be the guy that's leading us into battle?

[Harry]

I'm not passing him the ball. I'm not giving him the rock, bro. You got a micropene and you want him to take the last shot at the end of the game.

[Ron]

Yeah. The game winning shot.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah. That's got to be tough. But I mean, there has to be dudes who have all the secrets.

[Ron]

I think soccer, like, judging off of people, I knew that place. Like, the soccer kids were always just like. Not even like as an insult. Not. It's not like a gay way. Like, they were all just like, like the guy. I don't know how to describe. Like, they were like energetic and like, like didn't really care about anything but soccer. So it was like they were kind of just like. Like I could see them pulling their dicks out and stuff in the locker room. Like, that was like a brother.

[Francis]

You're telling me that like, dedication.

[Ron]

It was a brother.

[Francis]

Leads to like forced nudity.

[Ron]

Yes.

[Francis]

I don't.

[Ron]

Yeah, no, I think it does.

[Francis]

I don't think that's. For me, it was more like frattiness.

[Ron]

I guess that's kind of what I was looking for.

[Francis]

But we, I, we. I played on both teams and I can tell you it's. Well, this is regional.

[Ron]

It's regional.

[Harry]

But he played in college. He played soccer too. People never talk about that with Francis, but he played. No, I know the soccer and the lack.

[Francis]

And I showered with the both teams. And I can tell you that the soccer team was much more shy about it than.

[Harry]

He's puked on the ground. He's outside.

[Francis]

Yeah, they were for sure. And part of that was that the soccer team was very diverse, whereas the lacrosse team was just all white.

[Ron]

Yeah, I could see that. That actually that plays a big factor.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Race.

[Francis]

Correct.

[Harry]

Yeah. The US Men's soccer team penises have to look like the rainbow. We have all races.

[Ron]

Did you guys watch that whole game?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Yeah, that was pretty tough.

[Harry]

Sucked.

[Francis]

I knew that was Going to happen.

[Ron]

Yeah, I did too. I went out. I went out with some. Some pals.

[Harry]

I went out Belgian guys, Lev and.

[Ron]

And Shane and all those guys. And Gillis. Yeah, yeah, Gillis Fair and the famous one.

[Francis]

And was Sean there?

[Ron]

No, Sean wasn't there.

[Francis]

Oh.

[Ron]

But I looked at Lev 20 minutes into the game, and I was like, this is over.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Before anyone talking about, man. No, it's not. And I was like, oh, yeah, it's not. But in the back of my head, I was like, this game's over.

[Francis]

Started. We looked like fools.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And, you know, then we scored a rem free kick. That guy.

[Ron]

That guy. That was sick.

[Francis]

Unbelievable.

[Ron]

That was like some hope was back.

[Francis]

And then maybe we will do it 30 seconds later.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And you're like, yeah, it is over, bro.

[Ron]

I. I honestly, I was gonna save this joke for the pod because I made it at. At the. At the pub last night. Big pop, big roar. Of course. And then I looked on Twitter and Trent literally said the exact same thing word for word. But it was a funny thought.

[Harry]

Trent?

[Ron]

Trent from barstool.

[Francis]

Trent Ryan.

[Harry]

You're stealing jokes from Trent now?

[Ron]

Yeah, well, so that's why I had to say that before. But just like the idea of, like, the goalie getting scored on and then being like, why the. Am I in the center of the field right now? Like, he was so far up, it was insane. I don't even watch soccer. I. I can't imagine that's a normal.

[Francis]

Like, he had to come out and play the ball.

[Ron]

Yeah, but he was out.

[Francis]

Well, he was, though. His problem was that he hesitated once he had the ball at his feet.

[Ron]

All you did.

[Francis]

No, he stopped. All you to do was just kick it by way. Harvard guy. Embarrassing.

[Ron]

That's a disgrace.

[Francis]

He's a Harvard guy.

[Harry]

That could have been you.

[Francis]

I know.

[Ron]

Genuinely could have been.

[Francis]

I had. I had a joke.

[Ron]

Like, that could have been you now. I think you could have been the goalie on that.

[Harry]

Well, you would. I mean, yeah, it wouldn't be hard not to make that. That move. He has to have been so embarrassed. The way his foot, like, hit the ground trying to kick it. It was like his powers got zapped, like, in Space Jam. Like, everything taken away from him.

[Ron]

He was like the. It was like the. It was like the video of Charles Barkley swinging.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah, that was. That was tough. But, like, luckily, if it was. If they lost three, two, it would have been way more painful. They got fucking boat race.

[Ron]

That fourth goal was almost as bad as the. As the third?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Nah, that one was pretty bad.

[Harry]

Fourth. The third was his bat. That's like historic. That will do.

[Francis]

The second that guy Ramallo Bukaki came on the field, I knew we were absolutely fucked. He is built so differently from anyone else on the soccer.

[Ron]

Bukaki.

[Harry]

They're so fast to the ball, the Belgians.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Like their first touch just so they

[Francis]

didn't even play one of their best players.

[Ron]

Yeah. That's like that guy who's placed for

[Francis]

Man City or did. What's the blonde haired kid's name?

[Ron]

I forget what, like I thought I fucking Tommy.

[Francis]

He's one of the best assists guys then. Then the guy. Yeah, whatever. We should. We should move on. I don't want to talk about soccer. Although I want to.

[Ron]

Hi.

[Francis]

Because this is going to come out on Thursday. By that point it'll be.

[Ron]

But everyone wants to rag on the team, you know, everyone.

[Harry]

They let us down.

[Francis]

Yeah. The truth is we still do have Belgium for our Draft DraftKings thing.

[Harry]

So that's Belgium. We are traders. Dave actually was pissed off for that.

[Ron]

Yeah. That's treason.

[Harry]

But Piers Morgan. Yeah, Dave was like, then leave.

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

He was like, then get the out of the country if you're gonna have Belgian in your draftkings.

[Francis]

Yeah, cool.

[Harry]

But Piers Morgan's having us on the show this week.

[Ron]

Yeah. So that'll be good.

[Harry]

Should be sick.

[Francis]

I don't understand. What, is Piers Morgan having someone. Is Dave on?

[Harry]

No. Dave and Piers Morgan are arguing on Twitter.

[Francis]

What?

[Harry]

And Piers Morgan's like fucking. You don't understand the rules.

[Francis]

Oh, it's about soccer.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Harry]

Yeah. And he's like, you've invited me on your show a hundred times.

[Ron]

Well, I've said that. Or Pierce Morgan said that.

[Harry]

Dave said that about Pierce Pierce.

[Ron]

Piers Pierce.

[Harry]

Bullshit name.

[Francis]

I don't really know what his job is. Is he a journalist?

[Ron]

I have no idea.

[Francis]

He's a judge on Britain's Got Talent. Through the golden years of that show. I used to watch that on YouTube all the time.

[Harry]

If you're British, there is like a job for just being sassy. Like, you don't even have to have a specialty. They'll just like put you in stuff.

[Ron]

Yeah. There's a little bit of tune.

[Harry]

Like Simon Cowell being like the guy who decides like for 20 years what musicians get to be on the radio. And he's just like a guy with big teeth and an attitude. Like what? He doesn't sing. He doesn't like write songs. He's like, you're good. You're not.

[Ron]

Yeah, he's just a dick.

[Harry]

Yeah, he's just a arrogant dick. And there's just a.

[Francis]

Yes, but he's also made the right call so many times. He's the one that told Harry Styles he was like, you should be in a boy band and here are the other people you're going to be in that with. And there's one Direction.

[Ron]

That's definitely got to be his, like, biggest thing. Right? Like that. That's got to be his claim to fame.

[Harry]

Maybe so, but I mean, when American Idol came out, like, Kelly Clarkson was like, yeah, immediately.

[Ron]

But one day, super dark. We're talking 1D here.

[Harry]

I know, but like way before 1D. Clarkson, maybe. Not Stadiums. Stadiums having all of them. The fact that he had Zayn too. Did he get it?

[Ron]

Did he get a slice of that, you think? Do they get, like, signed to, like, American Idols record label or some?

[Francis]

I think Simon Cowell has a production company probably.

[Ron]

He's probably rich as fuck.

[Harry]

I know on Shark Tank they tried to do that. They were going to be like, you. We get 3% of every company. And I think Mark Cuban was like, I'm not doing the show. If you guys. If you guys do that.

[Ron]

They wanted 3% of every company that came on.

[Harry]

Came on.

[Ron]

Yeah. That's fucking nuts.

[Francis]

Wow.

[Harry]

Ambassadors pigs. Yeah. He gets paid for everything but One Direction does. I wonder if he still gets Styles money. You got to get out to a Style show. It seems like one of the best representations of girlhood. Yeah.

[Ron]

Is he touring? I don't think he's touring right now.

[Francis]

Harry.

[Ron]

Yeah, buddy.

[Harry]

What? Wake up.

[Francis]

Is he.

[Harry]

Get your head out of your ass. Oh, he's not even on the Internet and he knows that.

[Ron]

But I thought. I don't. Am I wrong? I think you guys are both wrong.

[Francis]

Oh, no, you're.

[Ron]

I'm wrong.

[Francis]

I think you guys are both wrong. Listen to yourself.

[Ron]

I think that I, I. We are both emphatic a fact.

[Francis]

And it's two on one and you're still digging.

[Ron]

I'm going need let him state his

[Harry]

case before we fact check it. Why do you think he.

[Ron]

I remember last time he was on tour, it was the only thing on my timeline and I haven't seen anything about him in months. Years maybe. I don't think I've seen anything about him since he did MSG like 20 times. When's his next show?

[Francis]

Like, in two weeks. He's going to do.

[Ron]

So he's getting back on the road in two weeks?

[Francis]

No, he's going to do a. He just in London last week garden.

[Ron]

He's doing pop up shows here and there and he's getting back on the road in a couple weeks.

[Francis]

Look at how many MSG shows he's doing. He's doing like a fucking month.

[Harry]

And that's this. That's right now.

[Ron]

Holy shit, dude. That should be illegal. That's a monopoly. He shouldn't be allowed to do that many.

[Francis]

Look at how many MSG shows it is. What is it, 30? Is he doing a whole month there?

[Ron]

It's got to be over 20.

[Francis]

Wow.

[Harry]

So he's just. Any weekend they don't have something, he's like, yeah, I'll just do one there.

[Francis]

Not even the weekends. It's Monday, Tuesday.

[Harry]

So.

[Ron]

Do you think that is like nerve wracking to him at, at all? No, it's just like, just, I gotta go do this.

[Francis]

I think he's just got it, dude.

[Ron]

I feel like music too is just like, once you are successful, it's got to be the easiest ever.

[Harry]

You know, people like the songs.

[Ron]

Yeah, he's got like an unlimited discography of music.

[Francis]

Yeah, but he doesn't.

[Ron]

He can be like, oh, they didn't like that one. I guess I'll just play the one that has 2 trillion views on YouTube.

[Francis]

It's exhausting. And you got to sell the shit out of it every night. You got to sell it hard. You got to like perform it.

[Ron]

Especially because everyone going, it's like the biggest thing of their life. They've been dying for this.

[Francis]

Think about the energy difference between us being like, I was at a bar the other night and anyway, I do

[Ron]

understand, like, I'm probably dancing and sweating

[Francis]

for three and a half hours and being like, are you out there?

[Ron]

New York City? Yeah, yeah, I do agree with that. But at the same time, like, there's no stress of like, is this going to work?

[Francis]

That's not the issue. He needs to uphold a level of showmanship that if he doesn't, then he's not selling 30 shows the next time he comes to New York.

[Harry]

I'm kind of with Harry on this one. I think it's awesome for him every night, like, he's treated in a way that human beings shouldn't, should never. Like, we're not even like biologically prepared to be treated like that. Like 20,000 people, like, singing your thoughts to you is fucking insane. That's like Aztec Emperor. Like, no one should be. No one should be doing that. Night after night, his. His soul is getting fed in a Different way.

[Francis]

Since both of you feel that way. I will admit that I don't believe in my point. That's how that's supposed to work.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Wow.

[Harry]

I've never heard that before.

[Francis]

I see my point.

[Ron]

500.

[Harry]

I was just about to say, are you seeing what Francis is doing in real time?

[Ron]

I am y exceeding his point. It generated 11.5 million pre sale registrations.

[Harry]

I think like Fran and Kelly Keegs

[Francis]

just flew out to India, went to London. They went to see him at Wembley

[Harry]

to watch him at Wembley. And I think his shows are all girls. I think it's a billion girls.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Like.

[Ron]

Like more so than like Taylor Swift.

[Harry]

Yes.

[Ron]

Yeah, probably.

[Harry]

I don't even think the boyfriends are coming.

[Francis]

No, I don't think the three of us went. Every girl there would be like, look at those three soccer players.

[Ron]

Yeah, probably.

[Harry]

Probably show together.

[Francis]

They must have been knocked out of the World cup earlier.

[Harry]

Yeah, that was.

[Ron]

I don't know if there's any bands out there, unfortunately, that I would travel for.

[Harry]

Honestly, that sounds like a nice way to do a trip. To have a central thing of the trip. Like I'm going to this. Yeah. Like the Eagles play in London in October and I think I'm going to go with my family. But go to London. But also just like boom.

[Francis]

Okay, we'll come.

[Ron]

Yeah, I mean, I guess.

[Harry]

Would you guys like to.

[Francis]

Can we babysit?

[Harry]

Oh God, I'm not bringing my kids.

[Francis]

Oh, you're not bringing your kids?

[Harry]

Oh, hell no. They're not going on a flight until they're at least in high school.

[Francis]

Why am I getting so many calls from this one person?

[Harry]

You gotta answer it. Is it could be the. Is it a. It's not a.

[Francis]

Just gonna text them back.

[Harry]

You have to. Or just give them a buzz.

[Ron]

Do you know who it is?

[Francis]

I think so, but I'm not entirely sure.

[Harry]

Well, it sounds urgent. We get edited out. We could easily edit it out.

[Francis]

No, this is. This is spam.

[Ron]

I've been getting banged by the spam lately. Same non stop same.

[Harry]

Why does it come in waves like that?

[Ron]

I don't know.

[Harry]

Do they get new spam technology?

[Francis]

I think somehow know where you are because when I like get back into a certain region, I get it all the time.

[Ron]

Oh really? Yeah, I was thinking, I thought it was just like maybe you went on the wrong website for like, like signed up for the wrong thing.

[Francis]

Your number has been leaked.

[Ron]

That's what's happened.

[Francis]

There was a. I saw something pop up on. By the way you said I'm off the Internet. I'm back on the Instagram.

[Harry]

Really?

[Francis]

Couldn't. Couldn't stay away. Just the Instagram, huh?

[Ron]

How does it feel?

[Francis]

I mean, I'm totally like aimlessly scrolling again. Yeah, Just instantly rehook.

[Harry]

I could tell. You look so much better.

[Ron]

You look healthy.

[Harry]

Well, yeah, you look well rested.

[Francis]

The one thing that's changed which is good, is that not like shopping anymore.

[Ron]

Oh, that's good.

[Francis]

I haven't spent money in like eight weeks, seven weeks. I don't know what. Since I got back from. From. Since I left Paris. That was where I said no more. And I. I'm just saving. I'm saving endlessly. Not only am I saving, I'm selling. Oh, selling.

[Harry]

You're liquidating.

[Francis]

I am streamlining my life.

[Ron]

Everything.

[Harry]

Selling.

[Francis]

I sold my guitar.

[Ron]

Oh, I didn't know you had one.

[Francis]

I didn't either. I haven't played it in so long, I got sick of it and I was like, this is embarra. Someone deserves to play that. It's a beautiful, beautiful guitar.

[Harry]

What kind of guitar was it?

[Francis]

It's a Gibson ES335, I think.

[Ron]

As soon as I hear that G. I know.

[Francis]

Yeah, it was big time.

[Ron]

A Gibson.

[Harry]

How's the coffee game?

[Francis]

Coffee game's great.

[Harry]

Okay.

[Francis]

Coffee. No, no, no, I love those. Thank you. Thank you.

[Ron]

That's.

[Harry]

It's an electric.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

$3,500.

[Francis]

No, I bought mine used so beast. But it was beautiful. Yeah, it's like, I don't know what it cost when I bought.

[Ron]

What you sell it for.

[Francis]

So I. I say that I sold it. I listed it on Facebook. Marketplace.

[Ron]

Getting a lot of hits though.

[Francis]

I haven't checked. I just did this.

[Harry]

You should sign it.

[Francis]

No, I don't think I'll do that.

[Ron]

As someone else though. You don't have to use like, do like Bon Jovi or something.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

The former owner of the guitar sold. Signed it like it was his son's coat.

[Ron]

Put your phone number on.

[Francis]

My phone number on the inside. Yeah. Lost. Please return to this reward. $50.

[Harry]

You gotta sign that guitar. You could probably wipe it right off. It's probably has a nice finish on it. What color is it?

[Ron]

Beautiful.

[Harry]

It.

[Francis]

It is very much that dark walnut all brown one.

[Ron]

Oh, I like that one more.

[Francis]

Yeah, the dark, dark one on the right there.

[Harry]

I didn't. I didn't even know that you were a six string man.

[Francis]

Okay, everybody, listen up. You all have to take a look at the new Montauk shoe by Helm boots.

[Harry]

Oh, that's so nice.

[Francis]

We've been wearing these around. It's kind of like a loafer meets a boat shoe. They look great. I'm a huge fan. They've got these beautiful kind of white rubbery soles. So you know, you feel good wearing them on a boat. They got that summer feel, but then they have this beautiful suede upper that's so soft. You don't have to break these puppies in. Okay. You put these on, it's a sock right off the bat. That perfect shoe for summer.

[Harry]

It's like for dressing smart. If you want to dress smart, that's the kind of thing you want to wear to a nice dinner where if the dress code's dressed smart, you wear that.

[Francis]

Right. Smart and elegant. The kind of shoe you would wear to a dinner at the 86 if you were invited.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Helm is out of Texas. They make handcrafted boots and shoes. And you can tell the craft craftsmanship that went into the pair that I have. They are known for their 100 day free worn in returns. Also, you can wear these things for months to take to make sure you like them. That's an incredible hundred day return policy. But here's when we drop the hammer, we have the deepest discount that Helm has ever offered. Literally. They told us they have never gone this deep. And it is to create an irresistible offer for guys. Try them for the first time and experience Helm's quality for yourself. Here's the deal. Ready? $100 off any pair of Helm boots or shoes. That includes the Montauk. You can get the Montauk for just $98. This shoe. You seeing this?

[Harry]

That's so nice.

[Francis]

This beauty right here. Insane. For this quality use code boydad100only@helm boots.com limited to one use per customer while supplies last. Go there fast and see if they have your size. Now that's $100 off. Using boydad100helm boots.com. can I tell you guys a little secret?

[Ron]

Of course.

[Francis]

I. So I have a bit of a nervous habit that I've developed which is that I scratch my head.

[Ron]

Oh, no.

[Francis]

What?

[Ron]

Are you getting surgery again?

[Francis]

No, again.

[Ron]

Well, you got the hairline.

[Francis]

Oh, my God.

[Harry]

No.

[Francis]

I just end up. I just sort of scratch my head all the time. And it was really starting to annoy me that I was doing this all the time. And I looked up ways to stop it. And one of the ways they said to stop it was to wear hats. Like winter hats, wool beanies. But I can't do that because I get Too hot. So I ordered a do rag.

[Harry]

Now you pat it.

[Francis]

I figured that would be, like, nice and cool. And I'm gonna wear do rags as I'm relaxing at night.

[Ron]

That's good.

[Harry]

That should be so nice.

[Francis]

You think that's okay?

[Harry]

What color?

[Ron]

Yeah, of course.

[Harry]

White. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ron]

Gotta be white.

[Francis]

Eminem wore them.

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

Jamie Kennedy wore one in that one movie he filmed.

[Francis]

I'm gonna wear do rags from now on.

[Ron]

That's hilarious.

[Francis]

Not in public, just in my private time.

[Ron]

What about, like, maybe in the morning if you go out to, like, get the paper?

[Harry]

You forget your bonnets on?

[Francis]

Just that I'm. I need to do it. I need to wear it during my heavy scratching hours. Yeah.

[Harry]

Which are.

[Francis]

It's evening.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's the most fail safe way.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ron]

I mean, I don't see anything wrong with that.

[Francis]

Speaking of scratching, I lost a lot of golf balls this weekend and I went looking for them. Look at what my leg. Look what I did to my leg.

[Harry]

Oh, okay. That looks like a pagan symbol. There's an X and a crescent moon. Were you kidnapped by Turkey? What the fuck is that?

[Francis]

Yeah, I was just wading through brambles looking for more golf balls.

[Harry]

Where did you hit it? Into the mouth of an alligator.

[Francis]

It was all over the map this weekend. My golf game. Game is a problem right now.

[Harry]

Don't say that, bro. Do not you say that.

[Francis]

Might need to sell my golf clubs.

[Harry]

No, we need you dialed in for the invitational. Me and Sass are putting big futures on you.

[Francis]

I love it. Hell yeah.

[Ron]

Yeah, we're kind of depending on that money.

[Harry]

Yeah, as a show. Dave is too.

[Francis]

You went to Portugal?

[Harry]

Yeah, it's present Tuesday.

[Ron]

Oh, hell yeah, it's present Tuesday.

[Francis]

Is it? It is present Tuesday. Oh, my God, it's present Tuesday.

[Harry]

Francis, I got you a limited edition commemorative piece of Cristiano Ronaldo chocolate. Wow.

[Francis]

I love his chocolate. Cristiano Ronaldo Chocolate

[Harry]

7 70. I think that you'll really enjoy that.

[Francis]

This is awesome.

[Harry]

You could honestly bite right into it. And Sass, I got you a can of sardines.

[Ron]

Oh, thank you.

[Francis]

That'll be eaten by hair.

[Harry]

Yeah, we got you a can of sardines.

[Francis]

That's actually really cool. Look at that tin, Harry. I like that tin a lot. You can use that for your weed.

[Ron]

This is crazy.

[Francis]

I don't know if it's big enough to hold all these reels.

[Harry]

Yeah, they're sardines. Try one.

[Francis]

Those are chocolate sardines.

[Harry]

They're Chocolate sardines. They're chocolate sardines.

[Ron]

This is sick.

[Harry]

Of course, bro. You got to share them with the boys.

[Francis]

On the man. Thank you for this. This is awesome.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Some.

[Harry]

Bite into it. Bite into it. You don't have to. I mean, what, are you going to save it forever? No, some commemorative.

[Ron]

Those are going for like 30k a piece.

[Francis]

Yeah, I was going to say. Do you think I could sell this?

[Ron]

You just bought.

[Harry]

You just opened it at the white party. Mr. Wonderful was wearing one of them as a necklace. Mr. Wonderful was wearing a Cristiano Ronaldo chocolate box around his neck. Like some bling.

[Ron]

Enjoy the trip.

[Francis]

Bye.

[Harry]

Bye.

[Francis]

Would you like some?

[Harry]

I better not. How is it?

[Ron]

See you next Tuesday.

[Francis]

Better not.

[Harry]

Enjoy dinner tonight.

[Francis]

Big dinner tonight.

[Ron]

Euro dose.

[Harry]

Yeah. That's just some nice. I mean, Portugal is beautiful. Have you been?

[Francis]

No.

[Harry]

Oh, you'd love it.

[Ron]

How was the flight?

[Harry]

The flight was bad.

[Ron]

Really?

[Harry]

Why?

[Ron]

Did you have the kids?

[Harry]

Yeah, I brought my kids with me. Me.

[Francis]

You would know this if you were on the Chappie C. Seymour.

[Harry]

Yeah, I.

[Ron]

Of course I saw that. And also I knew he had his kids.

[Harry]

It's like a 17 hour travel day and it was an overnight flight. And on the way out, I was really trying to prepare and like, I. So I like worked out, stretch, you know, hit the weights, hit my protein goals.

[Ron]

Of course.

[Harry]

Over hit the protein goals, had a salad, started farting. Started farting? Yeah. It's a lot of farting. Walked the cvs, got the gas. Gas X was so locked in.

[Ron]

Does Gas X do anything for you?

[Harry]

For me, it kind of like.

[Ron]

I think it makes it worse.

[Harry]

Walking.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Makes me hurt. Yeah.

[Harry]

Huh.

[Francis]

I just don't like shoving pills up my ass, so I don't know why that's the right method.

[Harry]

I had the big one, though, so it really just kind of. It like kind of nuked. It was like when Trump threw the nuclear weapon at the hurricane. But it was a terrifying. Like the whole ordeal of the fight was just from the time they sat down on the plane until seven hours later when we landed. They were. One of them was screaming for the entire time.

[Francis]

It's pretty brutal.

[Harry]

Everybody has always been like, it's. It's like five minutes or my kid was fine. It was not fine. No one has ever told the horror story that I went through. And it was so bad and so stressful. I was drenched in sweat.

[Ron]

Oh, my God.

[Harry]

Having the arguments in my head of everybody else with everybody else in my imagination of what they were thinking about me in Delta 1, my kids are going back and forth screaming. Yeah, imagine if you were in. Then I gay flight attendant to gay flight attendant and he was fucking worse. Beating me to death with dirty looks and fucking overpowers of other people's wine glasses just to be like, yeah, you're going to need this because that guy's fucking can't handle his children. They were sick, they were teething. It was fucking.

[Ron]

That is brutal. Delta 1 too.

[Harry]

Delta 1, there is no luxury to the experience.

[Ron]

I don't know about that.

[Harry]

I said in the chat. Bcc, if they had put Al Qaeda through what I gone through, we would have known Osama bin laden's location on September 12th. There's no doubt in my mind. It was fucking, it was, it was so bad. It was so. Francis said after he read it, he, he gave himself an at home vasectomy.

[Francis]

He's went in with my, with a

[Harry]

pen like Jason Bourne, like MacGyver.

[Ron]

That's pretty brutal. I mean we're. Did anyone say anything? Anything?

[Harry]

As everybody was getting off, there was another guy who I'd even seen in the Delta One lounge with another, his little daughter. And he was like, oh look, there's two of them. And then on the way out, he was like, hang in there, buddy. He looked me dead in the eye. Hang in there, buddy.

[Francis]

Okay, so you, you get off the plane, you get your bags, you get to your hotel. You said it was a two and a half hour drive to your hotel.

[Harry]

Two and a half hour drive to the hotel. We had gate check the stroller. The stroller's not there. We had to take like a bus for 20 minutes to get to the actual place and then walk like three miles. My wife's carrying both kids under each one of her arms and I'm carrying every duffel bag with my leg dragging behind me. It was like, it was like dragging bodies off Hacksaw Ridge. It was so fucking violent and just so like I was so sweaty and like embarrassed and everybody's morale was breaking down around me. We had a dead serious conversation about like just going back, back like when

[Ron]

you got, when you land.

[Harry]

Just being like, this is not, this is not good. This is not going to be worth it. Like we talked about turning right around. Well, it was as bad as it, as it could have been, but it was an incredible. I mean the vacation was nice, but I was thinking about staying really, because I didn't want to fly back.

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah, that's almost just move, just have someone ship the house out.

[Francis]

Do you know that as recently as a couple of years ago, Portugal had this thing called the Golden Visa, where it was like, if you bought real estate there, they would just give you a visa.

[Harry]

Visa, really?

[Francis]

They're trying to like grow out their country.

[Harry]

Really?

[Francis]

Yeah, I don't think. I don't think it's happening anymore.

[Harry]

They might be, I don't know. They don't fuck with foreigners though in the. They don't like. I guess a bunch of British people came down there, a lot of German people came down there. And in the, the Algarve where I was. They do not.

[Ron]

Colonizers.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ron]

The Brits. You see the Brits, you run.

[Harry]

Yeah, they're absolutely being. Definitely being racist.

[Francis]

So you're at the hotel.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And you crash and you guys all get to finally see sleep. That must have been a nice nap.

[Ron]

Did you sleep right when you got in?

[Harry]

Sleep? When we got. We got the hotel room for a night earlier. So when we got there we could just check right in. So left, took a nap, woke up, took another nap. So wealthy.

[Francis]

Yeah, I love it.

[Harry]

And then they just slept till like 11 o' clock the next day. They just slept like two and a half hour drive.

[Ron]

Post flight is pretty bad.

[Harry]

It was like 17 hours door to door.

[Ron]

And that's like as bad as we had an hour and a half drive, I think in Birmingham after the flight. And I wanted to blow my head

[Harry]

off and you're an adult with like control of your emotions.

[Ron]

I was the only one I was responsible for.

[Harry]

Yeah. You know what you're going through. Like I couldn't even explain it to them that it was going to be longer. They're just screaming at the top of their lungs like one of their ears must have popped on the way down. Just like they don't even know what that is. No, no.

[Ron]

That's the first time I've ever felt that.

[Harry]

It was insane.

[Francis]

There's a gun in my head, somebody has shot my head.

[Harry]

I have Havana syndrome. There's a buzzing.

[Francis]

Oh my God, that must be hell.

[Harry]

It was so funny.

[Francis]

So I'm sorry.

[Harry]

No, no, it was just nuts.

[Francis]

So you get to the hotel, you fall asleep. At what point did you finally get to the point where you're like, oh, deep breath. We're here. We're relaxed now. We're on vacation. This is nice. How long did you it take the.

[Harry]

I mean that night, going out to dinner, it was already awesome because there's like these big steps, like these sprawling staircases and the kids are like learning, trying to crawl in like cute, handsome outfits. And I was like, okay, this actually rules. And then the next day we drop them off at a daycare and we're at the pool slugging daiquiris and talking with people from Dallas and it's like, oh, I'm home. Yeah, yeah, good, good, good. Daycare, Portugal daycare.

[Francis]

How long were they at the daycare

[Harry]

for the whole week.

[Ron]

Yeah,

[Harry]

that was the vacation.

[Ron]

They saw the stats.

[Harry]

We heard that the best daycare and no they, but they went for a couple of the days to daycare, but we would take them to like little towns nearby. Yeah, it was, it was lovely. It was like.

[Ron]

Is it like hard to get into the full relaxation mode when you know you've got the flight home home? Like it's in the back of your head. Are you like.

[Harry]

I was like, it literally, it cannot get worse than that.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And I was like, I've already walked through the valley of the shadow of death. I already know what hell smells like and I've been there before. And so I was like, it can only be a little bit better flight backs during the daytime. So it's like, at least they'll be up. But it was truly just some, some absolutely beautiful. Dude. There's a 13 course tasting menu that I went to a couple Michelin stars. It would have knocked your socks off.

[Francis]

Wow.

[Ron]

Thirteen.

[Harry]

I actually ordered, ordered six bottles of wine that, that they, they gave us. I need to bring one back for you present Tuesday. Would you like one of them?

[Ron]

No, no, I'm okay.

[Harry]

Are you sure? Yeah, it was a bit, it was a smoky wine. I mean, contact with the. I should be, I should with the producer. I'm Instagram messaging with the producer. It was, it was a lovely trip. Made me want to travel with you boys. We got to get on the road together.

[Ron]

Gotta get to Portugal.

[Harry]

We gotta get to Portugal.

[Francis]

I was, I was asking all those detailed questions because I'm just trying to get a. Of sense, a sense of what it's like to, you know, have young children and, and whether or not that's something I want or if I want to just continue to focus on my career. Like I have been.

[Harry]

What about have getting old children and just kind of like jumping third base.

[Francis]

Yeah. Housebroken kids. Hypoallergenic house. Broken kids.

[Harry]

Boys go to the shelter.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Harry]

The battered boys shelter and just scoop up a boy or two or something. Give them like seven years.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And then get back, get back to the career.

[Ron]

What if you just got like two like ten year old boys?

[Harry]

Yeah. Seven or Eight years and then they go to. They go off to college kind of good.

[Francis]

I think 10 is. You've been in the system too long. You start. They know all kinds of tricks. Institutional, they're. They're bad.

[Ron]

They're bad at that point. They're already bad.

[Francis]

Bad stuff has happened to them. They're going to be bad. I think you want like five.

[Ron]

Yeah, but five is like what, five though.

[Francis]

You can. Sorry.

[Ron]

Emotionally immature five year old.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

You want one who's mature and emotionally stunted. Five year old.

[Francis]

You just dropped, drop a one. You take them to like a, a town square and you'd be like, find your way home. Yeah.

[Harry]

So you want to drive?

[Francis]

Yeah, right.

[Ron]

I don't know about this.

[Harry]

I think that what you want, you want like a 22 year old Russian girl pretending to be a 5 year old.

[Ron]

I like that.

[Harry]

That's the best.

[Francis]

That might be the plot of the movie, the Orphan.

[Harry]

Okay, Maybe that's what that is.

[Ron]

You just don't want to be on that flight to Portugal with like a screaming baby. But the baby's five. Then people are going to be looking at you like, yo, can you tell him to shut the up? He was in a home.

[Harry]

You really don't hear shit about orphanages anymore. Growing up, I feel like they were everywhere. Are they out of style?

[Ron]

Big time.

[Francis]

A big, A big part of it. I don't know. This is actually, I don't know if this is true.

[Harry]

Say it. Say it anyway.

[Ron]

I want to hear the theory at least.

[Francis]

I know that when our relations with China and Russia cooled, the ability of an American set of parents to adopt from orphanages in those countries became much harder and.

[Ron]

Wait, what do you mean cooled?

[Francis]

Like we don't get on that well.

[Ron]

Like we don't. Like, like not going well.

[Francis]

My uncle.

[Ron]

I thought you meant cooled as in like tensions settled down?

[Francis]

No, when things got worse. Yeah. So my aunt and uncle adopted two beautiful girls from Russian orphanages. And I don't think that you can do that. I don't know if it's possible anymore.

[Ron]

I don't. I would be shocked if it was.

[Francis]

I don't think they're letting American parents adopt. Maybe they are, but it's. I know it's hard, harder. And I think that's also true of China.

[Ron]

But they have to go to Russia.

[Francis]

Yeah, they had to go.

[Ron]

I don't think. Can Americans even go to Russia right now, Tucker?

[Francis]

I would think. I would think they can, but it's probably ill advised by the State Department or whatever.

[Harry]

I think that they're also, like. The problem is they're training these babies as spies. And so it's, like, from an early age, like, they know the craft. They know spycraft very well.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And it's not. It's not safe to have them on us. So oil.

[Ron]

So you can go to Russia, but it's got a level 4 do not travel advisory.

[Francis]

Yeah. But it's only bad when it gets to level 13.

[Ron]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

Tyler, could you just quickly look up whether or not it is more difficult now for American parents to adopt from Russian orphanages?

[Ron]

That should be a standard. Just yes or no.

[Francis]

I'm not surprised. It's not populating.

[Harry]

I know it's a big process for the. To get them from China, but they also might be hiding the fact that their birth rate is cracked. Crashing.

[Ron]

Definitely.

[Harry]

They might just be like, oh, no, you can't have them.

[Francis]

It is not just harder. It is entirely impossible. American citizens have been legally barred from adopting Russian children since Russia enacted the Dima Yakov love law in 2012. This ban completely shut down what was previously one of the largest international adoption programs in the world. I've never been more right on the podcast.

[Ron]

Yeah, no, it's pretty solid.

[Harry]

Yeah. That's so good.

[Francis]

I've never had something be more true.

[Harry]

Harry, I invite you to argue at this point, though.

[Ron]

No, no.

[Francis]

Find a way that I'm wrong and you're right on that.

[Ron]

I'm sure someone's adopted.

[Francis]

Sure.

[Ron]

I'm sure there's somebody out there who's gotten a Russian baby past 2012.

[Francis]

I love it. I love it.

[Harry]

I wonder why they stopped it. They just thought that our.

[Francis]

That, like, think about it, Right? Like, parents that want to adopt children are. That is, like, monumentally important, and they're

[Harry]

the best of us.

[Francis]

Happiness inducing. Also could be that they've struggled to have kids for a long time, whatever the case. And Russia hating us is like, yeah, we're gonna take away that joy from you.

[Ron]

Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

You think that's what it is?

[Francis]

Absolutely.

[Harry]

I thought it was just, like, we don't want Russians being raised by Americans.

[Ron]

Oh, no. I think it's. They don't want to give us kids.

[Harry]

They don't want to have us have the joy of having kids.

[Francis]

That's right. They're punishing us because we were adopting kids. Russia for many years.

[Harry]

Well, I think China. I get why they do it because they want to, like, slow down our, like, the growth of the Ivy League schools and stuff like that. But, like, Russia, like, it's not like, what, the Russians are coming to the US and thriving at sports or anything like that. You know, they're opening up barber shops in, like, if you beach.

[Ron]

If you were to adopt a Russian baby, does that baby now become American? If you're a US citizen.

[Francis]

100.

[Ron]

So, like, your Russian baby could play in, like, the U.S. olympic Olympics.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah. And not only that, dude, but they're not. They're not growing up with Russian accents.

[Ron]

Well, of course I know. I know that they're not like, where is my bush?

[Harry]

I want my bottle, mother.

[Francis]

Take me to football practice.

[Harry]

I'm tired of milk. Give me vodka.

[Ron]

I definitely didn't think that

[Harry]

they grow up as little ballet dancers who are drunk and like to climb to the top of buildings.

[Francis]

They're like, oh, look, the Bachelor is on again. I can't wa to watch this and text with my group chat about it.

[Ron]

I just didn't know, like, the logistic, like, if that was possible, because I know they're, like, pretty, but I bet that the US Baby could find a way to play for Russia.

[Harry]

Yeah. I think when you have the duel, you can kind of pick, like, balance.

[Ron]

Once you're adopted, you don't have the duel.

[Francis]

They don't have dual citizenship.

[Ron]

Good. They shouldn't.

[Francis]

I don't think Russia has a further law or a dreamer law. Right.

[Ron]

Oh, I have no idea where.

[Francis]

Like, if you're born there, you're necessarily retained citizenship, I don't think. I bet you that any baby that leaves Russia to be adopted by an American family is automatically loses their Russian citizenship.

[Harry]

Yeah. They're petty about it. They're like, fine, then leave.

[Francis]

I can't imagine that there are too many people who have dual Russian and American citizenship, period.

[Ron]

Probably Snowden.

[Harry]

Maybe Ovechkin lives in Russia.

[Francis]

Does that mean he's a citizen? Was he granted?

[Ron]

I pretty sure. Doesn't Russia have Snowden? Like, he's, like, living there and they, like, occasionally they'll, like, threaten to give him back to the U.S. i think

[Francis]

we're wading into those murky waters we often find ourselves in where we start to guess.

[Ron]

I don't think Snowden is a citizen anywhere, to be honest. I'm pretty sure he's like.

[Harry]

He's like a Russian baby from after 2012.

[Ron]

Like, multiple different governments own him.

[Francis]

He's like Ant Man.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Somewhere in a realm we cannot see.

[Harry]

Can you do the same question, Tyler, with China? Last China baby adopted. That was probably, like, 10 minutes ago.

[Ron]

Yeah. Earlier this morning.

[Francis]

They might still allow It.

[Harry]

Oh, no, they terminated its program.

[Ron]

That's recent. And no one's talking about it.

[Harry]

Wow. No one's talking about this except for us. Yo, nobody's fucking saying this shit.

[Francis]

I'll be honest. I kind of guessed on the China one, so I'm glad that was right too.

[Harry]

But the fact that they're. They're being greedy about their birth, about their. The people that are Chinese, like that shows. I think they are afraid of the collapse.

[Francis]

Well, the question would be, is China still allowing adoptions to, you know, England and China?

[Ron]

It says it's not impossible. It says exceptions are made for stepchildren or blood relatives within three generations.

[Harry]

The. That doesn't make sense.

[Ron]

So you could get one.

[Francis]

I don't understand how to even read that. Does that mean that if someone like, if your stepbrother was already adopted by an American family and you're born, you can still get adopted by an American family?

[Ron]

No idea where stepchildren could be playing a part in that. Yeah.

[Harry]

It doesn't wonder. You never see the Chinese adopting American kids. Kids.

[Ron]

How do you have a stepchild if you're adopting them?

[Harry]

I think that you can adopt people with. Within your family. You could adopt.

[Ron]

Oh, I guess that's true. Yeah.

[Harry]

Your stepchild or something like that.

[Ron]

I guess anyone can technically do that,

[Harry]

claim legal guardianship or parenthood.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Was. Was Portugal great though?

[Harry]

Dude, it was beautiful and awesome and felt European.

[Ron]

Rosenthorne.

[Harry]

I think the. The Thorn was the first flight, but just the rose is just to get him to spend the quality time. I think it builds the synapses in. In the youth. Let them. Let them dick around and just being on the boat, you know what I mean? Got. Got back on a boat. So nice to go on a boat of that.

[Ron]

Sun must have been hot.

[Harry]

It was so nice to get the check too. It was so nice to get the bill at the end of it. Just to see how much I owed that. That hotel was so sweet to see that number and all those commas. It was amazing. It was such a blessing to be.

[Ron]

Was it like all was inclusive. Like, was like the boat through the

[Harry]

hotel and I booked it through the hotel. It wasn't all inclusive though. That was an add on. Yeah, that was a big add on. I gulped when I saw it. We leave it like 4:30 in the morning. That woke me up real. I felt like I just. My ears had just popped. Like my kids.

[Ron]

What the.

[Harry]

Is that number?

[Francis]

You guys go ahead. I have to work here for the next six years.

[Harry]

Dishes in the back. You got to roll up your sleeves.

[Francis]

I now work for hotel.

[Harry]

Yeah, it was insane, but, but so worthwhile. I, I, yeah.

[Francis]

Damn, Rome, that's awesome. But I, I do remember the days when I used to spend like that and yeah, you'll be all right. I'll tell you what, man, like, as fun as it is like those, those highs are fleeting. And it's gonna catch up to you as someone now who you know is a saver. Harry and I are both savers.

[Harry]

Yeah,

[Francis]

we're planning for the future.

[Harry]

Well, maybe next time the three of us all go together and we can split the hotel room three ways, like Harry does with his friends.

[Francis]

So the, like, you guys can take the beds and I'll sleep on the boat.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Yeah, it's not a bad idea.

[Harry]

Sleep on the boat.

[Francis]

Sleep on the boat.

[Harry]

This summer, one celebrity hall pass sparks an epic Hollywood adventure. From director David Wayne comes Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass, starring Zoe Deutsch, John Slattery and John Ham. After her fiance crashes in his celebrity cashes in his celebrity hall pass, Gail Daughtry leaves her small town in Kansas behind and heads to la, determined to even the score with her own celebrity hall pass. John Ham. What starts as a simple mission quickly spirals and spirals into total chaos. Teaming up with her best friend Otto, a talent agency assistant, a paparazzo, and even John Slattery himself, Gail dives head first into the absurd of celebrity Hollywood culture. Along the way, they cross paths with movie stars, dodge bodyguards, outrun Italian assassins, and chase every lead that might bring them one step closer to the elusive Ham. Packed with outrageous characters, unexpected twists and non stop laughs, Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Hall Pass is the comedy adventure of the summer. Gail Daughtry and the Celebrity Sex Pass in Theater theaters July 10 from Sony Pictures Classics.

[Ron]

Alrighty, guys, let's talk about Shady Rays. Quick question. How are my Shady Rays? Basically the same quality as the 200 sunglasses I used to buy. And I'm not exaggerating. They feel every bit as premium as the expensive brands I've owned. Meanwhile, I'm wearing Shady Rays to the lake, on the boat, at the game, on the job site. I'm going out to Wyoming tomorrow. Tomorrow. And guess what? I'm bringing my Shady Rays because if I drop them in the ocean, they replace them. Knock them off the dock, they replace them. Sit on them one day. Sit on them Day one, they replace them.

[Francis]

Sure do.

[Ron]

And here's the crazy part. They're actually premium polarized lenses that Cut, glare, hard. Super clear optics. Durable frames with solid hinges. Clean, classic styles that look sharp without trying too hard.

[Francis]

Too hard.

[Ron]

If you're outside on the water, in the sun, driving every day, you need shades that actually perform. Go to shadyrays.com grab a pair and get sunglasses with lost and broken protection. We've teamed up with Shady Rays to bring you an exclusive offer. Head to shadyrays.com and use code DAD for 50 off two or more polarized sunglasses. Try for yourself the shades rated five stars by over 300,000 people. Shady rays.

[Harry]

Rays. I was scared jumping in the water about the Portuguese man of War. Oh, I didn't realize that the Portuguese man of war is out there.

[Francis]

Do you know what that is, Harry?

[Ron]

Is it. Wait, don't tell me.

[Harry]

You know what this is?

[Ron]

Is it a stingray?

[Francis]

No. What is it? It is a jellyfish.

[Ron]

Ah. I knew it stung.

[Harry]

It's the nastiest one.

[Francis]

Yeah, that's the one that Giant tentacles didn't like bad.

[Ron]

Those are the big, big boys.

[Francis]

Boys.

[Harry]

Yeah. But they said they're not there.

[Ron]

The Finding Nemo one, right?

[Harry]

Yeah. Wait, are those Portuguese man of wars in.

[Ron]

In Finding Nemo, the ones that they're

[Harry]

like bouncing off of?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Yeah. So I think what is it? Dory like, gets. Gets beat up bad, but she lives.

[Francis]

They run the. They run the gauntlet drill.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

With the football. So keep your pads down. Go forward through the tentacles.

[Harry]

Yeah, you got to get low to go through the tentacles. Yeah, but that's really. Because doesn't she. Isn't she fine?

[Francis]

She is, but those weren't Portuguese.

[Ron]

What the fuck is this answer?

[Francis]

Man of War. That's a jellyfish forest.

[Ron]

It says in Disney's. In Disney, Pixar's fine. Nemo, Marlin and Dory do not actually battle Portuguese man of Wars. They navigate the iconic jellyfish forest. It's like, you know, we didn't think they actually were battling real life man of Wars.

[Francis]

Right.

[Ron]

I think that's pretty self explanatory.

[Harry]

You saw that Google is now just AI.

[Ron]

It's all AI.

[Harry]

Google is exclusively AI.

[Francis]

I like it.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ron]

It's wrong though.

[Francis]

You like to think that it's wrong. I thought. I thought it. I thought they battled Men of War. I thought that they battled them in the movie. This answer was for me.

[Harry]

They actually go through the iconic jellyfish forest. J. Will's buddy was in here and he was like. And he didn't even realize why it was so funny. Funny that he was. He was like, dude, I Went on AI he's this guy from South Jersey, and he's like. I went on AI and I was like, if your life depended on it and you had to take an 18 foot jump shot, who would you put out there? And I asked AI if it's life depended on it. You're asking something that doesn't have, like this. The intrinsic value of that question is for living creatures only. If you're asking AI that. That question, that doesn't fly.

[Ron]

I haven't. I haven't been on AI at all lately. I feel like I was on it a lot, but I guess that was when I was building my computer. But since then I've pretty much used it for nothing. Oh, I did ask it if I had something on my head. Forgot about that. I had like a mole on my head. And I was like, is this gonna kill me? And it said, go to the dermatologist.

[Francis]

And I went, what'd they tell you?

[Ron]

Nothing. Yeah, I was like, it's nothing.

[Harry]

As if you had something on your head.

[Ron]

I took a photo of it and sent it. And I was like, what is this? They gave me a bunch of wrong answers, told me a bunch of things that it's not.

[Harry]

I mean, I'm sure that they're also, like, designed to do that. They probably would, like, get a lawsuit. If you're asking your AI like, hey, like, am I gonna die from this? Don't even ask me. Just go to a doctor.

[Ron]

I do get that. Like, it. It's definitely for the best. Like, it shouldn't be g out like medical advice, especially telling people that they're fine. Yeah, yeah, but at the same time, like, like, dermatologist is a job that could very easily be replaced by AI and it would probably be like, better off for humanity. You don't think so?

[Francis]

I'm not going to say.

[Ron]

You can stand everything that you're worried about and it would tell you if you've got something or not.

[Francis]

That's not just what dermatologists do.

[Ron]

Well, I know they do, like, biopsies and whatever, but like, for me, they just looked. They did the same thing that Claude did.

[Francis]

That one would be well served. Yeah, but you just admitted that they said they didn't know.

[Ron]

No, no, they said it's not anything bad.

[Francis]

AI didn't know.

[Ron]

Yes, AI did not know, but that, but is that because dermatologists. Yeah, but is that because they're not

[Harry]

allowed to say, oh, I don't know, because it knew. But it was like, I actually can't

[Ron]

tell you like, it tells you, like, ideas of what it could be, but it's not going to give you an actual. Like this is this because it can't

[Harry]

be positive what they say it was this plastic compound. Nevi.

[Ron]

No, it's just a mole.

[Harry]

Got it. Yeah, but what did the AI say it was like. What scared you about what AI said?

[Ron]

Oh, AI was thrown around. It never mole never even came up. Warts, a bunch of different cancer. Yeah, of course, of course. That's why I went and got it checked out. I haven't had to do that in a while.

[Francis]

Did you do a full body scan or did they just look at the head?

[Ron]

I went in for the scan and I left with just the head once. I was already in there and he was like, is that it? And I was like, yes.

[Francis]

You made it all the way in and you didn't want to do the. The peace of mind kind of body scan?

[Ron]

I. I only really had that thing on my head that I needed the peace of mind from. Got a couple other things that I'm like, maybe I should check them out, but not like, this was my shirt off. Yeah.

[Harry]

Not getting a gown.

[Ron]

Exactly.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

The head ed was like, I gotta get this checked out. Now.

[Francis]

I wonder if they would have allowed you to just do a top, top up body scan.

[Ron]

Yeah, I mean, it seems like it's very. You just get to like, they just ask, what do you want us to look at?

[Francis]

Well, then you would have gotten 50. Peace of mind.

[Ron]

I got full peace of mind.

[Harry]

Most, Most doctor's offices, people. People book the appointment just so they can get naked. Just have an excuse to have someone look at them naked.

[Ron]

An excuse to derogate the.

[Harry]

There was like a massage place at this hotel in Portugal and there was like a famous masseuse that like, I don't know what this guy's doing.

[Ron]

Did he.

[Harry]

Did you.

[Ron]

Did you go to him?

[Harry]

I sent my wife to him. I was like, see what this guy's all about? Because I saw him take a client back and he, he like grabbed the client like by her back to like greet her. He was like, oh, hello, how's it going? And like kind of like embraced her as he walked down the hallway and he does his head, neck and shoulder. And she said his. His breath was terrible, but he was doing. But he was a good kisser. He was doing like sound bath shit. And like, just like. But she said, I mean, I don't know. She said it worked. I just said, he just was like the cockiest bastard. She said, that when he. He. She got there, he was, like, standing on the roof of the massage building, like, waiting for her, like, pacing back

[Ron]

and forth, like, posing.

[Harry]

It was like pacing back and forth, like, impatiently on the roof of the building.

[Ron]

That's crazy.

[Harry]

Waiting for her to get in.

[Ron]

And I'm not a massage. I don't. I've never got one, so I can't say, but I don't think I'm a massage guy.

[Francis]

I'm not a massage guy either.

[Ron]

I don't think that would relax me. I think it would just make me uncomfortable.

[Francis]

Yeah, more.

[Ron]

Way more than the relaxation.

[Harry]

I think that you just need a really jacked Swedish guy.

[Ron]

Then he's gonna be looking at me and being like, you're not jacked at all.

[Harry]

Yeah, but that's not. That's not what you're paying him for.

[Francis]

I don't think they. I don't think they judge that hard because they see all kinds of bodies.

[Harry]

Yeah, it's like the guys on the soccer team. It's like the dermatologist, honestly.

[Francis]

Yeah. We. I need you to work with people like that because when I go in, because of my body, I'm doing him a favor and a. I don't tip. You subsidize me.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

By having such a worse body. You have to.

[Ron]

Over when you go in. They, like, thank you.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Thank you for keeping.

[Francis]

They take their clothes off.

[Harry]

Francis has a massage parlor where people come in and massage him. They pay a premium to massage him.

[Francis]

Yes, that's right.

[Ron]

Get naked, dummy.

[Francis]

I only allow three a day, though.

[Ron]

Oh, it's not bad.

[Harry]

It's like a. Yeah. Like a small fam. Kitchen.

[Francis]

I'm like, I've run out of lotion.

[Harry]

It's like a tasting menu.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

People love to come in and get some. Some of Francis's box.

[Francis]

But, bro, it was so hot this week.

[Ron]

Yeah, it was really.

[Francis]

It was so hot where I was upstate that I lost seven pounds.

[Ron]

Damn.

[Harry]

What?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

What?

[Francis]

Like, I weighed myself this morning versus the start of the week, and it was just, you know, I just. I was playing golf and tennis and fucking Padel.

[Ron]

At, like, playing golf in that weather

[Francis]

from, like, 11am through till 7 or 7pm and. And even at 7pm it would still be 94 degrees.

[Ron]

Would you say that was hotter than it was when we. When we did the Ryder Cup?

[Francis]

Probably about the same.

[Ron]

That second day of the Ryder cup was something else.

[Francis]

Right.

[Ron]

Did you take a car? Harder walk.

[Francis]

Well, I was taking a cart for golf, but, I mean, I was playing, like, Racket sports through the hottest part of the day. And then going to play golf, it didn't. It was. It didn't even matter. It was too hot. It was miserable. I had a headache.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ron]

I went fishing. It was like the fish were not even. They weren't with it. I, like, wasn't even trying to catch them. It was like, I'm gonna. They're gonna die if I catch them.

[Francis]

Yeah. Where were you fishing? In a river?

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

You fly fishing?

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah. Where?

[Ron]

Upstate.

[Francis]

Oh, that's right. You were in the Berkshires.

[Ron]

No, Catskills.

[Francis]

Catskills, yeah.

[Ron]

But I was fishing, and I saw, like, four rainbow trout stacked on top of each other under a rock. And I was like, they're all dying.

[Francis]

Oh.

[Ron]

Because if the water gets. If the water gets over 68 degrees, trout start dying.

[Francis]

That's how I feel about going to bed at night.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah, my room.

[Ron]

Did you guys set your ACs to 78?

[Harry]

Of course.

[Ron]

Dave sent out that email saying we had to send him to 68.

[Harry]

I thought he said 58. He said, we're going to crank the. Dave was in the office. Like, Mr. Freeze. Yeah.

[Ron]

He said he wanted frost on the windows.

[Harry]

He said, open the windows and turn the air conditioning down as low as possible. We're going to get this city cool one. One unit at a time.

[Ron]

I saw a clip of Tim Dillon saying that he was. He's wearing a hoodie and drinking hot cocoa in his apartment.

[Harry]

You have to.

[Francis]

Oh, man. Oh, man.

[Harry]

That's a crazy thing to ask.

[Ron]

My shit was at 85 because I wasn't there.

[Francis]

That's your eco mode, dude.

[Ron]

It defaults to 85, and then you have to go manually turn it down on the. The AC to, like, whatever you want, and then it'll. You only get an hour with it, and then it goes back to 85.

[Francis]

There must be a setting that's busted.

[Harry]

There's got to be a law against that.

[Francis]

Can't be right now.

[Ron]

I don't think there's.

[Francis]

You haven't looked carefully enough. That can't be right. I promise you, you have resigned yourself to, like, thinking that's the way this is.

[Ron]

It was 100 degrees outside. I was looking for every alt. Every mode that I could find on the thing.

[Harry]

What'd you do to beat the heat?

[Ron]

It's ac.

[Harry]

That was it?

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Fuck.

[Ron]

What did you do? Was it. Was it. Was it that hot in Portugal or.

[Harry]

It wasn't that hot. Yeah.

[Francis]

Oh, I have a funny story.

[Harry]

Talk to us, brother.

[Francis]

So on the fourth Of July itself.

[Ron]

Classic.

[Francis]

It was so hot. And I was a little tired of being, you know, in the sort of curated world of the club, of course. So I said, you know what? I want to go mix it up with real Americans, with real, real lokes. What? And I drove about 20 minutes to a swimming hole. You guys ever heard of a swimming hole? Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

You went to a local holler. You went to a hole.

[Ron]

Is that like. What do they call it? The one with the cliffs?

[Harry]

A swimming hole, probably.

[Ron]

Oh, a swimming hole. Yeah. Like a quarry?

[Francis]

No, not quite a quarry.

[Ron]

I love a quarry.

[Francis]

Me, too.

[Ron]

Who doesn't love a good quarry?

[Harry]

Dangerous, though. Quarries are very, very dangerous. People drowning people down and drowning quarries all the time, brother, be careful. You just want to go to a quarry. I mean, shoot yourself. Swimming holes are, like, universal. They have Puerto Ricans.

[Francis]

Well, so, yeah, there was a rope swing that I knew about at the. At the swimming hole. Yeah, right. And it was all the way across. And by the way, instantly I went there, and it was a lot of people. People, but they were all sunning themselves. But they all had, you know, horrible tattoos. Yeah, that's how you knew it was a local swimming hole. Yeah, a couple anchors just like, doughy, shitty people with bad tattoos.

[Harry]

Like a Bible verse written on a scroll or something like that around their belly buttons. Roses around their belly.

[Ron]

I don't like when people get, like, involved with, like. Like the. The part of the body. It's not like, no, what are you doing?

[Francis]

Stop.

[Harry]

Yeah, how about people that just put lines on their body that are just like. You just wanted to do something and you couldn't even think of an idea.

[Ron]

People have the sleeves that.

[Francis]

It's.

[Ron]

It's just the sleeve. There's nothing. There's no design or anything.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's blackface, dude. That's very close to blackface.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah. Black arm.

[Harry]

Black arm.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

What did you want to look like you were about to fucking play outfield

[Harry]

for the rest of your life?

[Ron]

Yeah, the fucking Shooting Sleep sleeve on.

[Francis]

What about. What about people that, like, mark themselves, you know, like, cut themselves and stuff? Like, I did that on my leg this weekend, and it was not as cool as I thought it would be.

[Harry]

The brand. Yeah, Like a black fraternity.

[Francis]

Scars. Yeah, we are. We all. We got. We all we got.

[Harry]

If not us, then who the. So you went to the hole and everybody's got roses tattooed in a circle around their belly button.

[Francis]

Yeah. And I. And I went into the water and I had to swim out a long way across the pond to the rope swing that I was so excited to try. And as I approached the rope swing, I'm swimming up to it and it's very deep until you actually get to the bank, so there's nowhere to stand. And I'm swimming over and I noticed that there's like six of the most Mexican looking dudes I've ever seen in my life. They're up behind the rope swing with a grill that they had rolled in. And I mean, these guys are. I'm not making this up. It's the 4th of July. It's 96 degrees. They're wearing blue jeans, work boots, long sleeve shirts that are tucked in. Yeah, they're all like five foot one.

[Harry]

Yeah, they're from Pueblo.

[Francis]

Yeah. I mean, solid crew. They were.

[Harry]

That sounds like an amazing crew.

[Francis]

They were.

[Harry]

They're probably the funniest guys you've ever met.

[Francis]

There were six guys and I was like, hello, Hola. And like one of them was like, hola. Which is a universal sign for like, not one of us speaks a single word of English.

[Harry]

Amazing.

[Francis]

And my Spanish is really, really weak.

[Harry]

But you had to use some on that.

[Francis]

Well, I tried, but I was like, trying. I was like, do you know rope swing safe? And they're like, no ablo, no abroad angles. And I was like. Then one of them came over to me and goes. And he handed me a beer.

[Ron]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Harry]

So sick.

[Francis]

And I drank a beer on the 4th of July with guys who turned out to be from Guatemala. Ah, that's where they were from. Very nice now, Guatemala. I don't know if you guys know. They're not doing. Doing so hot.

[Ron]

Well, they're in. Good thing they're in upstate New York.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Glad that they had escaped.

[Harry]

Guatemala is the. Basically like, it's like the tip of Mexico. It's like the northernmost Central American country. Right.

[Francis]

I don't know other than I know that Guatemala is not. Does not have a lot of money,

[Harry]

but they got cervezas.

[Francis]

Well, these guys do plenty of cerveza. Mucho cerveza grande cerveza. And we were drinking Coronas and it was. It was. Was awesome. And I drank this with them and I tried to communicate with these guys. I was like. I was like. I was like, you have eight. Well, I only had the one. Then they finished it and then they brought me another. I was like, no, no, no. And then they were like, carne. Carne. You want meat?

[Harry]

Did you try some carne?

[Francis]

I was just flipping this meat like it Was a pancake.

[Ron]

Did you get any of it?

[Francis]

No, I had eaten 30 minutes prior. I also had to swim back across the pond.

[Ron]

What's the best carne you ever had?

[Francis]

You're not wrong.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah. But.

[Harry]

Oh, wow.

[Francis]

What?

[Harry]

That you're invited to the fajita cookout.

[Ron]

I had a Especially, you know if you had the karna and then you had to swim.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Puke everywhere, Right?

[Francis]

Yeah. So I. I had a beer with these Guatemalan guys and then I hit the rope swing a couple times just by myself.

[Harry]

That's so amazing.

[Francis]

And it was pretty fun.

[Harry]

How'd you hear about the rope swing? Yelp.

[Francis]

I had hiked around this pond before in the fall and I saw the rope swing then.

[Harry]

Being initiated into the Mexican group is such a dream. And how nice is it that these Mexican Guatemalans, none of them like, they don't try to be anything they're not. They just drink Corona. It's like, they're not like, oh, yeah, we drink Corona Modelo. It's like, we don't. They're not trying to be like hipsters about it. Actually, we like this. It's like, no, we like Corona.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

That's amazing.

[Francis]

I thought that was cool.

[Harry]

If all. Just Americans. If all. Everyone's just like, yeah, we just like Budweiser. We really drink Budweiser and Miller Lay.

[Francis]

I said at the end, I was like, feliz Navidad, Cuatro de July. And they were like, what? Which made me think they didn't know that it was the fourth of July.

[Harry]

We celebrate like this every day. I was like, it's always a party to us.

[Francis]

Yeah. I don't know how much of a clue they had of what was kind of. Of going on, but they were great. They were really kind to me. And it was weirdly a very American thing to have a beer with a

[Ron]

bunch of Guatemala beers for Mexicans.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah. And hit a rope swing and then swim back.

[Ron]

That's pretty sick.

[Harry]

They probably saw you like waiting across the water and like whistled like, I just coming. Yeah. I got to the grill, everybody ran away. They left some meat. That sounds just.

[Ron]

For me, it sounds like a great fourth.

[Harry]

That sounds like such a fucking. I mean, just being initiated into the group shows. Yeah. It's just that that's an all time dude experience.

[Francis]

It was cool. It. I was embarrassed at not knowing more Spanish. I was embarrassed by that. You got to know a little bit of Spanish. Everybody here should. Should know some Spanish at this point. Right.

[Ron]

But I mean, these guys don't know much other way. Yeah, I think they're probably going to stop even teaching that.

[Francis]

Dude, come on. All right.

[Ron]

I mean, dude, everyone learns English. They all learn.

[Francis]

I get that. I get that. But like, every other. You know, so many countries are bilingual. They have, like, a dialect and then a language or whatever majority.

[Ron]

I feel like.

[Francis]

Like, it wouldn't be that hard for me to have, like, a fifth grade level of Spanish.

[Ron]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And I don't have that.

[Harry]

But I think that that's, like telling that being, like, they will. Like, it wouldn't be that hard for them to learn some English. Like, they don't know English. You don't know Spanish. You know French.

[Francis]

It's like, these guys learn English. I don't.

[Ron]

I feel like this is a hard country, brother.

[Francis]

I swam up to them. They had the beer.

[Ron]

True.

[Francis]

They had the carnet, they had the

[Ron]

sarvasa, they had the sa. The Sarah.

[Harry]

They were sucking the sasa. But I also think that there's some power in the people from other countries who are super famous. I was thinking about this last night when I was watching Portugal play when Cristiano Ronaldo was playing his last game. Remember, he used to, like, bang Kim Kardashian.

[Ron]

Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

And they didn't have a single word that they could speak to each other because he doesn't have any English and she doesn't have any Portuguese. And so they were just like, do

[Ron]

you believe that he doesn't have any English?

[Francis]

He's got some English.

[Ron]

I bet he's fluent.

[Francis]

He's done interviews in English. I've seen.

[Harry]

Yes.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ron]

I bet he is.

[Francis]

He played for Manchester United for, like, four years.

[Harry]

I think that he just does his thing.

[Ron]

He's just that good.

[Harry]

I think he just chills out and just, like, doesn't really have to communicate.

[Ron]

Like, I don't buy a single professional athlete who's been in professional sports for as long as these guys have that claim. They don't know English.

[Francis]

I think he. I think Cristiano's got more English than you'd think.

[Harry]

Messi don't have a word of it.

[Francis]

I don't think he has.

[Ron]

My Ohtani is reading Harry Potter books every night before bed. Like, he's fully. He knows.

[Harry]

Oh, he doesn't have a fucking word of it, bro.

[Ron]

You. I don't think you can be around people that only speak. Speak English that much.

[Harry]

And explain the watering hole where Francis was swimming.

[Ron]

He was only there for five minutes and they communicated beer and meat.

[Francis]

I was exactly.

[Harry]

That's What?

[Ron]

I'm so. That's my point exactly.

[Francis]

I had like, half an hour.

[Ron]

Half an hour.

[Harry]

He knew cerveza and carne already. He already had learned their language.

[Ron]

Well, they. They were able to figure it out. I. Dude, there's no way that Shohei Otani. If someone. If one of his play, if one of his teammates was like, hey, you want to go warm up in the field? He's not going be to sitting there like, okay, But, like, he's not going to be letting out one of those. Like, he clearly would understand, like, oh, yeah, let's go warm up. It is like. It's like NPC sounds, but I don't think that, like, I think that those guys know English for sure.

[Harry]

I think there's some people that just don't know English.

[Francis]

Did Cristiano and. And Kim Kardashian really date Tyler?

[Harry]

Maybe if you could look this up. But I think that they would, like, fly to each other. And I don't even think that their private jets would leave the, like, Teterboro. Like, I think that they would just put, like, their. Their private jets next to each other and they would bang on the jetways. That came out from.

[Francis]

Whoa.

[Ron]

I could see the. I mean, 2010, he might have not known English 16 years ago.

[Francis]

No, because that was after his Manchester United spell. Or like, right around it. He was. He was there during that time.

[Ron]

Maybe they were meeting up because she was teaching him English.

[Francis]

He doesn't.

[Ron]

People like Ron head in the gutter, run with it and make it this sick, perverted story.

[Harry]

There's no way that they were dirty talking in English. I don't care what Google AI says. This guy doesn't speak. He can't count to 10 in English. He can't order, or he can't ask where the library or the bathroom is.

[Ron]

Dude, you open up your folder.

[Francis]

Can we open these?

[Harry]

Yeah, open the. Open your folders. Guys, he's probably gonna be. You've been served.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ron]

Do you have any idea what it is?

[Harry]

Of course. Open the. That packet that came out.

[Francis]

Whoa.

[Ron]

So Ron did open his.

[Harry]

Rip that open.

[Ron]

Or are these from Ron?

[Francis]

Whoa. Whoa. Oh.

[Ron]

Are these tickets?

[Harry]

Rip that thing open,

[Francis]

bro. No way.

[Ron]

Wait, I can't read this.

[Francis]

No way.

[Ron]

I'm confused.

[Francis]

Oh, wow.

[Ron]

I'm nervous.

[Francis]

Wait a minute. What the heck? So what.

[Harry]

What playing cards did you get? Which. Who are some of the famous soccer players that you got in your pack?

[Francis]

Fidel Escobar. I got who place for Panama. Nahita Nandez from. I don't Know where that is? I don't know where that is. I've got Gregor Cobell, Borussia Dorman's, Germany, I think.

[Harry]

And then.

[Francis]

Oh, I got a lot.

[Ron]

Why am I in here?

[Francis]

Yeah, I got one of me, too.

[Harry]

Little magic trick for you boys.

[Ron]

That's crazy.

[Harry]

Oh, guys. Official Panini playing cards for the World Cup. For the World Cup. Collectible.

[Francis]

That's awesome, dude.

[Harry]

Yeah, bro, that's hilarious.

[Ron]

Looking through the cards and seeing yourself.

[Harry]

Oh, dude, I got a me.

[Francis]

You gotta. You gotta collect all of them is the idea.

[Harry]

You gotta collect. So everybody has to collect all the little sasses, all the Leona, Leono, Messi's, all the Hollands, all the.

[Ron]

How am I though?

[Harry]

Vinnie Junior, you're watching. You're one of the collectibles this year. And you're actually. This is the other part. You're suiting up for Belgium in the next round. What? Yes, bro. You're starting. You're starting for Belgium, bro. I wanted to be the first to tell you and Francis, you're starting for England.

[Ron]

This is sick.

[Francis]

Wow.

[Ron]

So, what, do they got this at like a. Like, how did you get these?

[Harry]

You're playing in the World cup this year, bro. You think that this is a fucking joke? Joke? It's not. I'm dead serious.

[Francis]

There's at least one special player in every pack. Wow. Pretty cool. That's awesome. Thank you, Ron.

[Ron]

Thank you.

[Francis]

Did you do this? Or was this.

[Harry]

No, I didn't, but I'll. I'll accept you guys saying thank you.

[Francis]

Who did this come from?

[Harry]

Panini.

[Ron]

Panini.

[Harry]

Panini put you guys in it. The car company. The famous car company, put you guys in the game. It's like when Trent was in pan. PGA. PGA. 2024.

[Francis]

Oh, that's right.

[Harry]

You guys are in Panini now.

[Ron]

Is this real? Like, are you with us?

[Harry]

Look, read the letter.

[Ron]

Like, are other people gonna be pulling me?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ron]

No.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ron]

No shot.

[Harry]

Yes. You're in the World cup now, bro.

[Francis]

What luck that you got you in your own pack.

[Ron]

Well, you got yourself as well.

[Francis]

Unbelievable odds.

[Harry]

Yeah. Wow. That is lucky.

[Francis]

So rare.

[Ron]

Something's not adding up here. I don't play soccer.

[Harry]

Think really hard about what you've been doing for the last 20 days.

[Francis]

I haven't worn that outfit in years. Where did they get this picture of me?

[Harry]

If you're just living an Edward Norton from Fight Club life as, like, a famous soccer player and you just forget.

[Ron]

I just had no idea.

[Harry]

Oh, I did do that.

[Ron]

That's what I was forgetting to do play for Colombia, for my country.

[Francis]

Guys, you got to cancel the Wyoming trip.

[Harry]

I forgot. I got to play for my country. Did you see that Argentina came back from two nothing against Egypt.

[Francis]

Oh, they did.

[Ron]

We were on this during that.

[Harry]

Yeah, it just happened. Damn.

[Ron]

So are they tied or.

[Harry]

No, they won.

[Ron]

Oh, they got three.

[Harry]

They got three. That's who's just calling Francis.

[Ron]

You think that was just a tease then?

[Harry]

It was Argentina.

[Francis]

Just Argentina.

[Ron]

Argentina.

[Harry]

It was Argentina telling Francis he needs to get in the game.

[Ron]

Yeah, like get over to MetLife.

[Harry]

We need Egypt Rain.

[Francis]

Damn. I would have liked Egypt to have upset them.

[Harry]

Mo Salah had a great run that they disallowed because of Var.

[Ron]

Outside of Belgium, of course. Who are you guys rooting for?

[Francis]

England.

[Harry]

Who was your guys picks before I. I had Spain and Mexico. You had.

[Ron]

I think I had Saudi Arabia and Iran.

[Harry]

Yeah, he did.

[Francis]

Yeah, he did.

[Ron]

Are they both out?

[Francis]

Yes.

[Harry]

Didn't Iran. They. They got really close. What. What happened in their game? Was there an. Oh, there was a goal on an offside that got disallowed because someone like. Yeah, they're like hair was off sides.

[Ron]

Damn. Yeah, I've only watched. The only World cup games I've watched were all the US ones except for the one against Turkey. I missed that one because I was checking in for a hotel for an hour and a half. And then I watched the. The Brazil, Mexico game was good. And then what was the game before that on Saturday?

[Harry]

Was it England? Norway?

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah. Both those games were good.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ron]

It is fun though. I mean, it's fun to like watch. It was fun going out. Like I haven't gone out for like a sports game like that.

[Harry]

Tell us about your time with. With Lev.

[Ron]

It was good. It was just. We just hung out.

[Harry]

What'd you guys. What was like some jokes really.

[Ron]

We were just watching the game. Holy ball.

[Harry]

Who was. The entire roster. Who's out there?

[Ron]

Whole crew, deep squad.

[Harry]

Really?

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

What was the seating arrangement?

[Ron]

I was definitely at the poor table.

[Harry]

You're at the kids table.

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah, definitely.

[Harry]

They put you at the kids table. That's so good.

[Francis]

Where was this?

[Ron]

Shades of green.

[Francis]

Is that a bar?

[Ron]

It's by the stand.

[Francis]

Huh? It was. I know that one. That's the long one.

[Ron]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never seen. Never seen it like. It was like fully packed. Cool for the game. So. It was pretty cool.

[Harry]

Some pints? Not for me. What'd you get, a vape?

[Ron]

No, I had a Guinness. Zeros.

[Harry]

How many to three? Actually that's Indulgent.

[Ron]

Yeah, they were good. We were all hammering them.

[Harry]

That's very indulgent.

[Ron]

Except for those that were drinking real Guinnesses, of course.

[Francis]

But it was fun.

[Harry]

Guinness in the heat is insane.

[Ron]

It wasn't that hard out yesterday.

[Harry]

I guess not. Yesterday it was kind of raining.

[Francis]

Do you know how many Guinness zeros go into a full. A full gallon.

[Harry]

Mind your P's and Q's on this one.

[Ron]

I'm going to go 16.

[Francis]

Now you actually can't divide by zero.

[Harry]

Wow.

[Ron]

Wouldn't it be one?

[Francis]

We're going to want to cut that.

[Ron]

No, no, no. We're going to leave that in for sure.

[Francis]

I don't want that.

[Ron]

That's definitely staying in.

[Francis]

In the.

[Ron]

But wait. Isn't it? If you divide by zero, isn't it one?

[Francis]

I think anything divided by zero is an irrational number.

[Ron]

Did someone make a blunder?

[Francis]

I thought anything divided by zero is

[Ron]

my right or wrong.

[Francis]

I think something's raised to the zero power.

[Ron]

Is one that might be right.

[Francis]

Anything divided by zero is I irrational number. You can't do it, huh?

[Ron]

It's starting to feel like it's. See you guys next week.

[Francis]

Time undefined. Yeah.

[Harry]

Starting to sound like. All right, all right.

[Ron]

We will see you guys next week. Thank you for listening. You guys have anything to promote or anything? No, I don't think I do either, actually. No, I think I'm gonna have new dates on my website soon, so. But not until at least next week.

[Harry]

This week. On Monday of next week, where Pop Punk is playing at Pawtucket during a foreplay.

[Ron]

Let's go.

[Francis]

Cool.

[Harry]

So I think we're just playing at, like, a golf course.

[Francis]

Nice.

[Ron]

That'll be fun.

[Francis]

That will be hot.

[Harry]

I don't know. That's gonna be like. I don't know if that's the crowd for that type of music.

[Ron]

It's gonna be like Woodstock.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

It's gonna be people dying in the crowd.

[Francis]

All right, all right, all right.

[Ron]

We will see you guys next week. Goodbye,

[Francis]

Sam.