The Forbidden Foot Tap | Son of a Boy Dad #391

Summary

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Son of a Boy Dad #391: "The Forbidden Foot Tap"

Released: April 9, 2026

Overview

In this episode, the Boy Dad crew—Sass (Lil Sasquatch), Roan, and Harry—navigate a freewheeling, irreverent discussion touching on awkward political scandals, generational culture, the hidden codes of foot taps, fertility humblebrags, and the mundane absurdities of both historical and modern life. Sass, adrift after dropping out of college, continues to look to Roan for life advice and worldview construction. The signature Son of a Boy Dad banter is in full flow, mixing hilarity and cultural commentary in equal measure.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Helicopter Parenting & Gift Graveyards

• The crew jokes about overprotective parenting.
• Harry is roasted for not using gifts from friends (“You just left it here on the desk” – Sass, 06:13).
• “Must be some homeless guy near you who is better dressed, warmer, better fed. Cool weed paraphernalia, free weed.” – Roan, 05:26
• Running gag on whether items gifted to each other end up as junk or in “Francis's shrine.”

2. Theater Kids, Art Galleries, and Green-Haired Teens (08:00–12:15)

• Roan shares an experience at an art gallery surrounded by teens with green hair and anime fashion.
• “I noticed a group of like four or five of them looking at my painting and they were like, ooh, I like this one. And I'll have to tell you, it made me not like it as much.” – Roan, 09:15
• Group riffs on the fashion sense and eccentricities of theater kids, referencing "tutus" and crossovers between theater and cosplay.
• Roan questions the value of your art if it’s only embraced by teens in tutus.

3. The "Forbidden Foot Tap"—Political Sex Scandal Deep Dive (13:15–21:24)

• Roan recounts the infamous case of Senator Larry Craig, busted for soliciting sex with a covert foot tap in a Minneapolis airport bathroom.
• “You put your foot under the barrier and you tapped it like that. That was the indicator of—I will seed my butthole.” – Roan, 14:04
• The conversation deconstructs the absurdity and legal gray area of "solicitation."
• Speculates how such secret codes and "gay networking" even become standardized: “How does the gay network, like, spread? Like, hey, like, New Password.” – Sass, 17:24
• “I'm gonna try it just to see what happens. I'm not going to fucking or be fucked.” – Harry, 17:40

4. Double Lives and Hypocrisy in Politics (20:00–22:45)

• Roan mentions the documentary "Outrage," focused on closeted anti-gay politicians.
• Insightful take on why homophobic politicians might be most invested in stringent anti-gay laws: “What's the best way to make people think you're not gay? Make being gay illegal.” – Roan, 21:24

5. Ancient Philosophy, Pederasty & Dropping Out (22:45–27:01)

• Sass shares a surprising fact from an audiobook; ancient Greece's open secret pederasty.
• “They would go to the gymnasium and watch the boys wrestle ass naked. So if you thrust me into this, I'm trying to learn about philosophy…” – Sass, 23:27
• Harry describes nearly being expelled for “plagiarism” in his philosophy class, a source of confusion for the group.

6. Fertility Humblebrags and Social Awareness (36:42–41:15)

• The group muses on people’s insensitivity when bragging about "not even trying" to get pregnant amid friends who struggle with infertility.
• “There’s something innately braggadocious, I think, about being like, nah, we weren’t even trying. It’s like we were having recreational sex as we often do…” – Roan, 38:48
• Debates social dynamics and shares personal anecdotes around having many siblings and large families.

7. Historical Birth Rates & Family Dynamics (41:42–45:54)

• Roan feigns shock at historical family sizes: “In the 1850s, US women had an average of six to seven children over their lifetime.” (42:29)
• Comedic escalation about how children used to die frequently—“He's got a headache for about eight hours now. So we put him down.” – Sass, 45:34

8. Childhood TV and 2000s Memories (46:05–49:42)

• Nostalgic banter about Spike TV's “1000 Ways to Die” and other early 2000s programs (Fight Quest, Deadliest Warrior).

9. Movies, Contracts & Group Decisions (49:47–54:21, 66:34–71:47)

• Spirited movie talk: thrillers, horror movies (“Sinister,” “Hereditary,” “Hot Tub Time Machine 2”), and what to screen as a group during “fish week.”
• Roan praises “The Stranger” (33:00).
• Insider Barstool talk about contract staggering and company culture: “Dave historically has kept people on different altered, staggered contracts.” – Roan, 30:34

10. Nuclear Paranoia & City Planning (58:00–66:34)

• The group jokes about nuclear strike scenarios: “If we drop nukes, like we gotta get out of New York like immediately. Let's go to Florida first.” – Harry, 62:40
• Debates the logic of targeting political capitals—“Trust me, everyone, we are going to Sacramento and Albany. Augusta.” – Roan, 63:35

11. Clothing Imports, Thermals, and First Birthdays (74:11–76:09)

• Roan reveals sketchy importation of Japanese thermals—“They took the tags off and sent them to me as if it was them sending their own clothing home.” – Roan, 74:53
• Sass marks his son’s first birthday, and the group discusses Phillies game plans.

12. Office Annoyances and Meeting Culture (76:33–77:53)

• Lighthearted griping about office communication, having to go through others to reach Sass.

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• "You put your foot under the barrier and you tapped it like that. That was the indicator of—I will seed my butthole."
  Roan, on the Larry Craig scandal (14:04)

• "There’s something innately braggadocious, I think, about being like, we weren’t even trying. It’s like we were having recreational sex as we often do, you know, love each other."
  Roan (38:48)

• "He's got a headache for about eight hours now. So we put him down."
  Sass, on child mortality in the 1850s (45:34)

• "What’s the best way to make people think you’re not gay? Make being gay illegal."
  Roan (21:24)

• "They would go to the gymnasium and watch the boys wrestle ass naked. So if you thrust me into this, I'm trying to learn about philosophy..."
  Sass (23:27)

• "If we drop nukes, like we gotta get out of New York like immediately. Let's go to Florida first."
  Harry (62:40)

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Segment Timestamps

• Gift Bit, Helicopter Parents: 01:45–06:44
• Art Gallery Teens: 08:00–12:15
• Larry Craig/Forbidden Foot Tap: 13:15–21:24
• Political Hypocrisy/Outrage Doc: 20:00–22:45
• Ancient Greece & Philosophy: 22:45–27:01
• Fertility/Social Dynamics: 36:42–41:15
• Historic Family Size: 41:42–45:54
• Childhood TV/Fight Quest: 46:05–49:42
• Contract Talk/Movies: 49:47–54:21, 66:34–71:47
• Nuclear Strike Bits: 58:00–66:34
• Clothing Imports/Birthdays: 74:11–76:09
• Office Culture Wrap: 76:33–77:53

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Tone & Style

Irreverent, free-form, and self-aware, the episode moves at a brisk pace with plenty of quick-witted banter, inside jokes, and tongue-in-cheek speculation. The trio’s rapport keeps even sensitive topics light, delivered in a style somewhere between barroom banter and modern meme sensibility.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Son of a Boy Dad experience: a bit chaotic, consistently funny, and sneakily insightful. Expect offbeat analysis of everything from art audiences to ancient sex scandals to modern fertility, all filtered through the lens of wildly unserious, never-too-earnest humor.

Transcript

[Sass]

Hey, son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

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[Sass]

Well, you just can't handle the za.

[Harry]

Not that za. No.

[Roan]

You've had a cold for a month.

[Harry]

A cold?

[Roan]

Is this allergies?

[Harry]

I don't think I have cold or allergies.

[Roan]

You don't think that. You sound stuffed up right now.

[Harry]

I mean, I'm a little stuffy.

[Roan]

Come on.

[Harry]

I don't think I sound like abnormally stuffy.

[Roan]

I think you sound very. Does he not sound stuffy to me? And then he does that now.

[Harry]

I'm not.

[Roan]

I'm fine.

[Sass]

You know that's just an immune response to trauma.

[Harry]

Yeah, you think?

[Sass]

I know it is. Sickness isn't like germs being transferred around. It's an immune response to trauma.

[Roan]

Could be.

[Harry]

I don't know. What? I would be traumatized.

[Sass]

You're probably abandoned by your parents or some shit like that.

[Harry]

The opposite.

[Sass]

Helicopter parents.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Tiger Mom.

[Roan]

You were picked up by your parents. You were collected.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

We're here again. Mom. Camp isn't over yet. I need two more weeks making friends.

[Sass]

That's you.

[Roan]

All right, well, we're staying in a motel nearby just in case.

[Sass]

That's you.

[Harry]

No, that's not me.

[Sass]

That is. No, he. He just nailed you. He just lampooned you to a T.

[Roan]

Not just helicopter parents, he's Blackhawk parents. Anytime someone was picking on him on the playground, they'd come in and beat the out of those kids. We're talking like Apache helicopter.

[Sass]

Yeah, I thought you meant his parents were on the Chicago Blackhawks.

[Roan]

That's cool. Enforcers.

[Sass]

Cuz they could also beat the out of someone little on Tandra.

[Roan]

That makes sense as well.

[Harry]

Truth. Truth. All right, start. Let's get this going. Oh. Alrighty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today it is April 7th. It is 2:20pm we are here live from HQ3 221.

[Roan]

I got bad news.

[Harry]

Do tell.

[Roan]

It's Present Tuesday.

[Harry]

Oh, nice. Well, I saw you guys bring in all that stuff. I was sitting right there. Yeah, I thought one of you guys would look at and neither of you guys looked.

[Roan]

That's not what I'm talking about.

[Harry]

Oh, what's all that?

[Roan]

Why don't you just stop presuming where I'm going?

[Harry]

Are you upset because present Tuesday has been spoiled?

[Roan]

I want to say that I have something really cool for Present Tuesday, but I left it at home by accident.

[Harry]

Oh no.

[Roan]

So now we might have to do Present Wednesday.

[Harry]

That's fine. What was it?

[Roan]

Why don't I. I would like it to be a surprise. That's sort of the concept of Present Tuesday.

[Harry]

Well, you can't bring it up and then not have a gift and then not tell anyone what the gift is.

[Roan]

Absolutely. I can. I can do that. Why wouldn't I be allowed to do

[Sass]

also has like supplementary gifts like all these cookies and all that sweet ass gear. Oh yeah.

[Harry]

True. That works. I should hold this over until Wednesday.

[Roan]

Yeah, I know you're champing at the bit. Do you know that it's champing at the bit, not chomping at the bit?

[Harry]

No, I didn't.

[Roan]

Well, keep that in mind.

[Harry]

I will.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

A lot of people get that wrong phrase before though.

[Roan]

You never said chomping at the bit. Because most people say chomping at the bit, which makes sense.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Frothing at the mouth.

[Harry]

Yeah, Cha. It's actually champing at the mouth. A lot of people don't know that.

[Roan]

Champing at the bit. It's a horse term.

[Sass]

Yeah, like galloping or cribbing. Why don't you try and use champing at the bit sometime during this episode?

[Harry]

I will, I will. I'll try to throw it in, but

[Sass]

Francis got these cookies for you. And I was like, should we get one for Harry? When we were just buying ourselves cookies. And he was like, I'm tired of getting him stuff that he doesn't use. And he didn't say it as a joke. He was just very resigned and hurt by you, by your accident.

[Harry]

What else have you got me that I haven't used?

[Roan]

What haven't I gotten you?

[Harry]

What have.

[Sass]

What have.

[Roan]

I think, honestly, at this point, like, what have you.

[Harry]

Graveyard of gifts that I haven't used

[Roan]

in your back alley. I don't know what you're doing. There must be some homeless guy near you who is better dressed, warmer, better fed. Cool weed paraphernalia, free weed.

[Harry]

But I don't. I have all of your stuff. I have it in a little corner. It's called Francis's corner.

[Sass]

It's like a shrine.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Bunch of candles that he lights next to.

[Harry]

Exactly.

[Sass]

That's probably why you had the junk removal guys coming for all the stuff Francis keeps on giving you.

[Harry]

I had to cancel them.

[Sass]

I don't think it's junk. I think it's nice stuff.

[Roan]

No, sentimental.

[Harry]

Sentimental, nice.

[Roan]

Good stuff that. It went to the junk corner.

[Harry]

I mean, I got you guys this bird, and you just left it here on the desk.

[Sass]

You didn't get that bird?

[Harry]

I brought that bird, first of all.

[Sass]

All you brought is this fucking Washington Monument.

[Harry]

No, I didn't even bring the monument in. I brought the statue, the. The football player in and the Rogan kettlebell. That was a gift for you. And how long has it been here collecting dust?

[Roan]

Who has used that more than anyone else?

[Harry]

Probably whoever's using it to hold the carpet down. I would assume that person.

[Sass]

I didn't even know carpets needed to be held down. I also kind of assumed that that's how carpets. That was the nature of a carpet.

[Harry]

That this one is like a wave. If you pull that. If you lift up that. If you lift up that kettle bell, it just folds right in half. Yeah, it'll flies over the table, eat us.

[Sass]

Like that play. What's that play where there's like a big Venus fly trap that eats everybody.

[Roan]

Oh, Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[Sass]

Is that it?

[Harry]

Is that it? I've never seen that.

[Sass]

Is that what that's about?

[Roan]

Little Shop of Horrors? I get those two mixed up.

[Sass]

Yeah. I've never seen either one of them, to be honest.

[Roan]

Nor have I. And I've never understood their staying power.

[Harry]

Well, the Rocky Horror Picture show or whatever it is, is like huge. Well, big cult following. Cult following.

[Roan]

Right. And they produce it everywhere, isn't it? Everywhere?

[Harry]

Oh, me and Column did a show in Providence and with the hotel, there was like a convention happening.

[Roan]

Cool.

[Harry]

He called me and he was like, there's a bunch of freaks here walking around.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

And what were they? They were Rocky Horror pictures.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah, they were freaks.

[Sass]

What is it? What kind of freak is it? Is it like goth people with like hybrids?

[Roan]

No, they're not goth. They're like colorful goths.

[Harry]

Yeah, but that's like, that's hybrid goths and colors like green hair. You're not goth, but you're on the fence.

[Roan]

You're Jared Goff.

[Harry]

Yeah, you're right on the edge.

[Roan]

I have a question. Well, not a question first. I have a statement, and that is that speaking of green haired people, I finally, I went to see the painting that I bought at the gallery.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Roan]

And I was in there and I

[Harry]

was like, that's gotta feel good.

[Roan]

It was cool. Yeah.

[Harry]

Were other people coming up to it and you're like the fuck out of.

[Roan]

Nope, nobody was in there. And then out of nowhere. I'm not making this up. A group of 20 plus teens, all of whom were green haired, wearing kind of like. Some of them were wearing kind of anime type stuff. Yeah, yeah, got. The guys were mousy with like ratty mustaches, bad skin, everyone had armpit hair. I don't know what the collective glue of this group would have been.

[Harry]

I don't. The art.

[Roan]

I don't know what they were all up to, but they all were. Kind of came in. Every single one of them came in. And I mean, it was like a.

[Harry]

Had to have been a little uncomfortable.

[Roan]

I'm sure it felt the way that like CVS Cashier feels when they see like a group of 20 teens come in and just bum rush the deodorant aisle. I'm like, oh my God, they're taking my painting. There's nothing I can do about it. But sure enough, I mean, they were looking around and I noticed a group of like four or five of them looking at my painting and they were like, ooh, I like this one. And I'll have to Tell you, it made me not like it as much.

[Harry]

Oh, really?

[Roan]

It took some of the veneer, the shine.

[Harry]

I feel like that would make me like it more.

[Roan]

Not that group.

[Harry]

Not that group.

[Roan]

I didn't want that. Was. This was not the right group?

[Harry]

I mean, did they seem like they were into art, or did it seem like they were.

[Roan]

There were, like, having pet pigs or something? Yeah, like that they had, you know, I don't know, even know, really.

[Harry]

Were they causing a ruckus?

[Roan]

No, they were respectful, but they were just theater kids who couldn't get roles in the play.

[Sass]

Stage crew.

[Roan]

Yeah, stage crew. Yeah, that's right.

[Sass]

Did. But anybody liking your art means that it's like.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Even the fact that they pulled in front of it. That's kind of. That's good for you.

[Harry]

Were you, like, standing right next to it?

[Roan]

No, no, I was as far away from them as possible.

[Harry]

So you were kind of just standing in the corner, just like. Like, making sure they didn't get too close?

[Roan]

No, that they were over by my painting and I was way on the opposite side. But I did notice.

[Harry]

But you were staring. You had to.

[Roan]

They were pointing at things, and I wanted to be like, don't bring your finger so fucking close. So much oil on those fingers.

[Sass]

I can just tell what would have happened if they had, like, PETA protested it and threw.

[Harry]

Oh, my God.

[Sass]

Of red paint across your finger. Get it cleaned.

[Harry]

Like, would have been the funniest thing imaginable.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I mean, I would have been, like, not taking that one anymore.

[Sass]

Yeah, but then you already have. You already paid.

[Roan]

I've paid half. So, like, this gallery, if it happens in the gallery.

[Harry]

But what if they're like, this has been happening for months. Like, we. We can't do. We can't do anything about it.

[Roan]

I'd be like, why do you keep letting these people up? They have a. They have a intercom system. They can see who's, like, downstairs, and they have to let the. The people.

[Harry]

Where is it, like, Upper West?

[Roan]

No, that one's in Tribeca. Yeah.

[Harry]

How old were these kids?

[Roan]

I'm telling you, like, probably 19.

[Harry]

That's crazy.

[Roan]

19.

[Harry]

Imagine going to, like, a art gallery with, like, 20 of your boys at 19.

[Roan]

I think they were. And they were unsupervised, too. So I don't know if it was, like. But, I mean, I don't think it was. You know what I bet it was? It might have been a group of kids from, like, the fit place that we walked by.

[Harry]

Yeah, probably those kids.

[Sass]

20 of them.

[Roan]

Those kids dress. But. But they're. You know, you can tell that those kids are dressed the best of what they're doing.

[Harry]

You think? Yeah, I go down that street to get the bike.

[Roan]

Yeah, me too.

[Harry]

And I'm like. He's just like. They're wearing rags.

[Roan]

No, no, dude, no, no. They're wearing.

[Harry]

And they're all sitting on the bikes,

[Roan]

they're wearing rags, but they've cut the rags out of fabric that was used as curtains on some ancient hotel that was. You know what I mean?

[Sass]

There' fresh storage mirror, and there's like a tutu over it.

[Roan]

They're not cutting corners.

[Sass]

I saw so many tutus. They're all wearing tutus.

[Roan]

Yeah, there's a lot of tutus.

[Sass]

Desmond Tutu, Tutu Atwell.

[Roan]

Who was the.

[Harry]

Who was the dude that was wearing the tutu recently?

[Sass]

I don't know who you're talking about.

[Harry]

Wasn't there like a dude. Wasn't there like a politician who, like, they found like, a photo?

[Roan]

Christy Noem's husband or whatever he was wearing.

[Harry]

Tits full on. But he might have. I mean, I'm sure he was wearing a tutu as well.

[Sass]

He might. Yeah. He might just be the man, though. He might just be funny. Oh, no one's exploring that.

[Harry]

That Mississippi.

[Sass]

He just could be joking.

[Harry]

Mississippi senator.

[Sass]

That dude on the left. Oh, that dude's not joking. What lawmaker dude can't even govern his own body. That's fucking nuts. That's so.

[Roan]

That's really clever.

[Sass]

That's so nuts.

[Roan]

Oh, you can't even govern his own body. That's very, very good.

[Harry]

20, 23, maybe.

[Sass]

It's old bros wearing tutus. I hate it.

[Roan]

Do you remember that story a while back, Harry? This might have been before you were walking. But of the senator who was like, very. Had voted against every gay legislation there was, and then he got caught in a sting operation at a. At an airport where there was a bathroom that was known as a cruising spot.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

Somehow, which I don't. Again, I don't know how that's possible in a.

[Sass]

In an airport.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

But the. The thing to do was there were these stalls that were next to each other, and if you wanted the guy in the adjacent stall to you to fuck you, I guess, or know that you were open to that. You put your foot under the barrier and you tapped it like that. That was the indicator of. I will seed my butthole.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, I'm ready.

[Roan]

Or will you give me yours?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

And I presume there was like a Maybe a hole. I don't know if this was a glory hole type situation or whatever, but the guy that he tapped his foot to was an undercover cop who was there to break up all the.

[Harry]

Really on. That's brutal.

[Roan]

Good fucking. That was going.

[Sass]

You can't get arrested just for the tap.

[Harry]

No, no, no. You could be like, I was asking for toilet paper.

[Roan]

That's what he claimed. Oh, that's what he claimed, Smart guy. Wait a minute. Tyler, you got to look this up. This is a smart guy senator who tapped his foot under. Under the. Under the bathroom and was caught in sting operation at airport.

[Sass]

The wide stance. I have heard of the wide stance.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah. Any collection of under. Yeah, there it is. Larry Craig of Idaho. This guy was an old guy.

[Harry]

Oh, I've seen this guy.

[Sass]

Goofy ass, old gay,

[Harry]

conservative, no family values.

[Roan]

Craig tapped his foot and gestured under the bathroom stall. A common signal used in the area for soliciting sexual acts. And it was a plainclothes officer. The foot tapping.

[Harry]

Does it say what airport it was?

[Sass]

It was Idaho, so maybe soon.

[Harry]

I was going to say Denver.

[Roan]

Wide stance. Wide stance defense. Craig argued his actions were misinterpreted, claiming he was using a wide. Yes, I do spread my legs and go. Come on. Come on.

[Harry]

How does your legs.

[Roan]

Give me that.

[Harry]

Don't fit in the stall. It's just like. That's not. Just not possible.

[Sass]

That's how I piss. I don't know what you're talking about. That's how I've always pissed. Ask anybody.

[Harry]

Yeah, stretching my hammy.

[Roan]

Particularly enclosed rectum. And in order to.

[Harry]

I guess it's not a terrible. Like, he could be like. You know, like, I was like, the toilets on the plane are so tight. Like, I just wanted to take advantage of the space before I read, before I boarded.

[Roan]

You're. No, I'm glad you are. You could have helped him.

[Harry]

I definitely.

[Roan]

Because the way he sold it was entirely unconvinced.

[Harry]

I feel like there's just. There's gotta be so many easy ways to get out of that. No, he folded immediately.

[Roan]

No, dude, it's the gestures he was making. Gestures?

[Sass]

Well, did. Was there any other. Like, did they just arrest him because he was wide stance and tapping? Or did it, like, get to a point of solicitation?

[Roan]

He pled to a lesser charge for this, but he was still. I mean, dude, it was everywhere. Everyone was talking about it because he was just one of those guys who.

[Harry]

Yeah. You know, Dick Cheney.

[Sass]

How's the. How's the. How's the cop get on that beat.

[Roan]

It's possible the cop was actually just off duty and playing clothes.

[Sass]

But you're going to be sucking dick

[Harry]

in the glory hole this month. That's something. You did something, cowboy.

[Roan]

I'm going undercover. I'm going to take nine dicks going down.

[Harry]

Like, chilling at the airport.

[Sass]

Like, that guy has to have gotten. He has to have gotten closer to the penis than just those two guys like that.

[Harry]

Yeah, I mean, maybe they were. Maybe they were specifically targeting this guy.

[Roan]

He improperly used campaign funds to pay for his legal defense. So. So he used campaign funds to pay his lawyer to get him off of this.

[Sass]

How does a conservative dude like that even find out about this? Like, way of. Of just the way of the gay that, like, how does that. How's the gay network, like, spread? Like, hey, like, New Password. Like, we're going to be spreading our legs wide and tapping our feet. Like, how's that get out?

[Harry]

I'm like, I'm going to try it just to see what happens. I'm not going to fucking or be fucked.

[Sass]

Well, how is it even illegal? Like, how is it illegal to just fuck.

[Harry]

How's it definitely illegal to fuck in the airport bathroom?

[Sass]

Well, did they.

[Roan]

No, because trying to. He was trying to.

[Sass]

Trying to is illegal.

[Harry]

I think it's illegal to seduce at the airport. I don't know.

[Sass]

I thought that that was like, one of the places you're supposed to be seduced.

[Harry]

No, no, definitely not the airport bathroom.

[Roan]

What about the family bathroom? The single use?

[Harry]

Definitely not.

[Sass]

Oh, that's. That'd be the safest spot.

[Roan]

That's the safest spot. What were you two doing in there? I was holding my wife's hair. She was vomiting.

[Sass]

Yeah, right.

[Harry]

That works. No, I think it's definitely got to be. I mean, I think that's probably the safest spot.

[Roan]

Delta Lounge. I mean, truly, those bathrooms, there's so much more. So much more privacy.

[Sass]

Yeah, I mean, the lounge, top to floor to ceiling.

[Harry]

Well, I think that's only LaGuardia. I don't know if that's all of them. Have you ever been to the one in Boston?

[Roan]

The one in Atlanta has showers?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

So you could have sex and then clean yourself.

[Harry]

True, true.

[Sass]

Wipe the wife for Prince.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sass]

But I still don't understand what the crime is.

[Harry]

Sex of the foot. You probably just heard, like, the. Just saw, like, the flash of a camera. Evidence.

[Sass]

I just don't.

[Roan]

I don't think you're allowed to solicit.

[Sass]

I'm disgusted.

[Harry]

I'm disgusted by it.

[Sass]

There.

[Harry]

Do not move that foot.

[Roan]

I'll blow your toes off. It wasn't. And it was an operation, so sex thing.

[Sass]

Like, unless you're. Unless someone's paying place was.

[Roan]

They knew this place was being used as, like, this was the stall. You didn't go to this stall to go to the bathroom.

[Harry]

No. You went there to.

[Roan]

You went with your. Your butthole is as already as clean as could be.

[Sass]

But imagine some poor bastard who just has to take a dump.

[Harry]

Right. Like, is. There has to be some. That's why I'm. I'm just dying to know how people find out. Like.

[Sass]

Right.

[Harry]

The Minneapolis airport. Like, it's a big airport.

[Roan]

Yeah. It's a good one.

[Harry]

It's a solid one.

[Roan]

It's a great.

[Harry]

So it's got to be. It's got to be a bathroom that's, like, tucked away somewhere.

[Roan]

I think the Minneapolis airport, the past two years has been rated the best airport in America.

[Harry]

I wouldn't be surprised.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Great establishment.

[Sass]

Best bathroom to get sucked in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

You can come, you know, you can fly direct from Minneapolis to Japan. Japan.

[Harry]

Oh, really?

[Roan]

So you're like, I got a long flight coming.

[Harry]

True.

[Sass]

Because then you're like, traveling.

[Roan]

Sit on a dick first. Yeah.

[Sass]

Lose seven grams of gum.

[Harry]

Get. And then just bounce to Japan.

[Roan]

Go to Japan.

[Harry]

Yeah. They're never gonna find you.

[Roan]

Right, right, right.

[Sass]

You're just flying.

[Harry]

You get arrested upon arrival. Like in America, when you're coming back from Japan two weeks later, the Japanese

[Sass]

will not extradite one of their own. Damn. I can't believe this disgusting crime. There's been other Family first senators that have gotten in trouble for other gay shit.

[Roan]

There were so many. There was a. There was a documentary I made. I think it was made on hbo called Outrage, where there was a gay crusader who just went around. Went around like, outing politicians that had records of voting against pro gay legislation, who he had found, you know, that they were, like, trawling gay forums or, like, calling in gay escorts or whatever. Just, you know, it was like, I kind of get it in a way. If they were so fearful of being found out as being gay.

[Harry]

Make it illegal.

[Roan]

What's the best way to make people think you're not gay?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Make being gay legal.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, because then anyone else that's gay too, like, anyone. You're. You're like, well, this is also your. This is illegal for you, too. So you're not going to tell anybody.

[Roan]

If you say anything, you're going to jail.

[Sass]

Yeah, he's Everybody at gunpoint, basically.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

I say a word about this. I'm. I'm reading. I'm listening to a book on tape about. About Socrates and it's been fucking smooth. Smooth sailing for part one and then part two. They jump immediately into like the 2500s in Greece was a huge time for pederasty, which is just like dudes fucking. Yeah, Fucking boys. Fucking boys, basically. And they're basically like the Jacob Elordi of the time of Socrates was desperate to like fuck Socrates and he kept on having wrestling matches. He was like young and Socrates was old and gross and didn't shower and bear this.

[Harry]

A book that Socrates wrote. No, no, it's a book about Socrates.

[Sass]

A book about Socrates. Let me see. It's called Socrates.

[Harry]

I'm not buying it.

[Sass]

A life worth living.

[Roan]

I think it's. You probably get it for free.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah. I'm listening for. It's just a book on tape. Just listening for free.

[Harry]

Well, you definitely can't get it for free. Everyone knows that books on tape are like more expensive than the actual book for some reason.

[Roan]

Subscribe to Audible and use some credits.

[Sass]

It's on Spotify, buddy.

[Harry]

Audible, Spotify. You only get a certain amount of hours.

[Sass]

Socrates, a life worth living.

[Roan]

Just listen to the pederasty part.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sass]

You can jump ahead to part two.

[Harry]

Fast forward to that.

[Sass]

But this Jacob Elordi kid is just desperate to him and dude, Socrates would not give up the dick. No. It's so crazy and it was so great. Yeah. So common at the time. But they said Socrates was poor enough that he was taught the ways of love by a woman, where everybody else at the time was just taught the. The ways of love by a man. By. They would go to the gymnasium and watch the boys wrestle ass naked. So if you thrust me into this, I'm trying to learn about philosophy. They're talking.

[Roan]

You're saying that if you were. If you were poor, you had to be straight.

[Sass]

Yes, basically.

[Roan]

But wealth meant you can have a boy.

[Sass]

Yes. And you can be taught by a man the ways of wrestling and the ways of philosophy. And they're just banging as part of it. It's just like a side. A side quest that you get to go on. But since he was so broke, he was taught ways of love by a woman. It's just insane. I just couldn't believe this. All these kids just wanted to Socrates and he was just beating him off

[Harry]

with a stick, just fighting him away.

[Sass]

Yeah, bro. I couldn't. I mean, it's. It's truly baffling. I had to unburden myself. I couldn't just know that about Socrates and not have all you bros know it.

[Harry]

I almost got it removed from school for supposedly.

[Sass]

Go on.

[Harry]

Is he going for supposedly plagiarizing? During my taking. When I was taking my philosophy class in college, and I was like, I think that's just the answer. Like, they want you to, like, read something and then they have questions and then they're like. Like, they would be like, well, what does Socrates think? Like, what is his belief on this? And then I would just like, write down what it was like.

[Sass]

The unexamined life is not worth living. Yeah, that's plagiarism.

[Harry]

Yeah, they'd be like, it's plagiarism. And you're like, well, I think that's just what he thinks.

[Sass]

No other way to say it.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's his words, I guess just the right answer. Like, I didn't actually plagiarize anything.

[Roan]

Is it that you.

[Harry]

I just had to read. They made me redo it. Aced it.

[Roan]

Well, I'm confused. I know that you were always taught to sort of paraphrase.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Were you just writing it down word for word?

[Harry]

I mean, yeah, but they were like, in quotations, which I guess they didn't want. They wanted it in my own words.

[Roan]

Was this like an open book test?

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, it was like an essay.

[Sass]

Oh, I think that far enough removed that you can just to admit that you were just, like, copying it.

[Harry]

Like, no, I really wasn't.

[Sass]

You, Like, I really didn't. No one's gonna find out. You're not gonna get in trouble.

[Harry]

Like, I was blown away when I got the call and they were like, you gotta redo this or else we're sending it to the dean's office.

[Roan]

How many semesters did you complete?

[Harry]

Well, I was on a trimester schedule, so I guess two.

[Roan]

Two. Two of the three. So did you have finals or papers or things at the end of each trimester?

[Harry]

Yeah, I got really good grades in college.

[Roan]

Were you just fucking stoked when. Oh, sorry. Just give yourself some more slack. That's what my therapist's been telling me. Is that okay?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Were you just unbelievably stoked the day that you were like, I'm leaving and I never have to do one of these stupid assignments again?

[Harry]

Yeah, but also like, no, because I didn't know how long it was going to last or what was going to happen. Like, I thought I was going to go back to school for a While even that year, like even when I was at Barstool Youth.

[Roan]

Oh, I see. But, but when did you come to terms or when did you finally say, I'm burning the ships back to college?

[Harry]

I guess when I signed my second contract.

[Roan]

And in that moment, did you say, I have dodged three years of college essays and finals and late nights in the library and worrying about grades and definitely wasting fucking my parents tuition money or whatever.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, I was pumped. I mean, it doesn't really hit until your buddies would all study in it for like finals. And I'm like, I don't have to do.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sass]

That is sick. You were worried for a little bit though that you would have to go back. I remember that. Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Then I came up to you one day and I was like, hey, as soon as this podcast with Deion Sanders is done, that you may start something special.

[Harry]

Roan saved me. He saved my life.

[Sass]

And that was five years ago. That was damn near five years ago.

[Roan]

Son of a boy. Dad is brought to you by Experian Experian Boost your credit instantly with Experian Boost. Experian Boost is completely free and can instantly raise your credit score scores. Excuse me? Add everyday on time payments like phone, utilities and even rent payments to your Experian credit file so your positive history can count. It's fast, secure and free and built for people whose credit doesn't tell the whole story. Harry, I don't think your credit tells the whole story.

[Sass]

He hasn't hit the boost yet

[Harry]

for the sake of the ad. I'll say it doesn't, but I just want to make it clear my credit score is in a very good place.

[Roan]

Okay, well, you can always use a little bit of a boost.

[Harry]

Well, I have boosted and I'm perfect.

[Sass]

Is your score perfect?

[Harry]

Almost.

[Sass]

Yeah. You could use a boost.

[Roan]

That's pretty cool. And he got there. Thanks to Experian. See results quickly. Many customers get instant score uplift. Like the time that Harry was brought from the bottom of the barrel to the top to the top of the dog. Download the app and get started for free. Results will vary. Not all bills or subscriptions are eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details.

[Sass]

You know, it has been annoying me recently the amount of streaming platforms that I've been paying for that I am not using.

[Roan]

You are preaching to the choir, brother. Man, I actually just.

[Sass]

I was so happy to. I eliminated one.

[Roan]

Which one?

[Sass]

I exterminated one.

[Roan]

Oh, you can't tell us?

[Sass]

I'll tell you it was Apple tv. You know that Rocket Money can help you track your subscriptions, and it has the ability to cancel unwanted ones with the app and just a few taps, which saves users over $880 million in canceled subscriptions. That's a lot of premium that you're. You're cutting back on set budgets, set goals, get personalized insights and regular reports and you can receive real time alerts for large transactions, upcoming bills, refunds, and low balances. And users who can create a financial goal with Rocket Money can even save 70 on average in the first 30 days. That's choice. That's real good. That's how many cookies you know, that's probably like eight cookies. This app also consolidates checking, savings and loans and investments into a single dashboard to give users a clear view of their financial picture. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join RocketMoney.com boy, that's RocketMoney.com boy. RocketMoney.com boy.

[Harry]

When do you think? How does that work? Like, how work? Because none of us are on the same contract and all of our contracts. That's intentional at different times.

[Roan]

Do you know that that's intentional?

[Harry]

What? That we're on different contracts.

[Roan]

Dave historically has kept people on different altered, staggered contracts.

[Harry]

Oh yeah.

[Roan]

Like he never would let, he would never let PFT and Big Cat be on a.

[Harry]

Well, that makes sense. That's like you can't have like the CEO and the CFO flying on the same private J or whatever it is.

[Sass]

You're talking about a lone survivor situation.

[Harry]

No. You know how like when there's like super high up people at companies, they're like, separate them.

[Sass]

So that's not what he's not saying because one might die. He's saying because he wants to keep them in control.

[Harry]

Yeah, I know. That's what I was saying. It's like that. It's literally exactly like that.

[Sass]

It's like, so if they both left

[Harry]

at the time, everyone would be.

[Sass]

They're not leaving if they're on a private jet. They're not like flying to a different country. You're talking about their death.

[Harry]

But it's kind of the same families

[Sass]

that flies in terms of the company. Yeah.

[Roan]

That you're. You're now would be like, Dave's not letting them be on the same contract so that if one of them leaves, the other One can continue to run the show.

[Harry]

Yeah, exactly.

[Roan]

That's not why he's doing it.

[Harry]

Well, no, but it kind of is.

[Sass]

No, so they can't.

[Harry]

They can't group up together outside of the.

[Sass]

Can't click up.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's different from what you're saying.

[Harry]

It's pretty similar.

[Roan]

I think a lot of people will

[Harry]

say it's pretty similar.

[Roan]

Fine.

[Sass]

Sound off in the fucking comments.

[Harry]

Whatever.

[Sass]

Sound off in the comments that if Dave staggering us, do you think he staggers Ria and friends?

[Roan]

Probably.

[Sass]

I think he staggers Ryan and Paul.

[Harry]

I don't think we're staggered. I mean, we're staggered because we all got hired at much different.

[Roan]

Correct. I don't think he's worried about us. Yeah, I think we were like, Dave, can. Can I have a 16 month contract and Roan's going to take a nine month or so that we're all on Harry's timeline.

[Harry]

Yeah, it's not a bad idea.

[Roan]

Dave would be like, yeah, that's fine.

[Harry]

That would suck. What if we were all negotiating at the same time? No one would get a raise. We'd all get fucked.

[Sass]

Why?

[Harry]

Because it would be like, well, you know, this person just got this and now I'm gonna have to give you a little like it's gonna. It would be a whole thing.

[Sass]

You think?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Why?

[Harry]

The reason I just explained.

[Sass]

Well, so the way you said it, one person would get a raise.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah, probably.

[Sass]

Yeah. So one person would. I'm willing to take those odds.

[Harry]

And then there would be two people that would be bound and would probably leave the company.

[Sass]

Really?

[Harry]

I'm just, I'm just guessing.

[Roan]

On private jets.

[Harry]

On private jets. Separate.

[Sass]

Two different private jets.

[Roan]

I watched an amazing movie called the Stranger.

[Sass]

What is it?

[Roan]

There are. I think there are a few movies called the Stranger, but this one was in from 2022.

[Sass]

It's about that when you like sit on your hand and then jerk off.

[Harry]

I feel like I've seen this. Is this the carjacking or the road rage movie?

[Roan]

No.

[Sass]

What is it?

[Roan]

It's about this story that happened in Australia where there was a kid that went missing and I think they assumed he was killed and it was like an unsolved crime. And then they knew they had one suspect, but he had an alibi that like. And they couldn't, they couldn't nail him with the crime. So they set up this deep undercover sort of task force to create an entire world around him basically to convince him that he was like part of this criminal organization. And was moving up the ranks and win his trust such that he would admit to them that he had killed the kid.

[Sass]

Mm. What?

[Roan]

And it's Joel Edgerton.

[Sass]

And that's an elite sting operation.

[Roan]

I don't know why. This is just one of those movies that, like. I never even fucking heard of this thing. And it popped up. Must have been on Netflix or something.

[Harry]

Well, you know Sean Harris?

[Roan]

Do I.

[Harry]

No.

[Roan]

The only person I knew was Joel Egerton. And number one. And number two, I didn't know he was Australian. Speaks of Australian accent. Very dark, very moody. I like mystery thriller. Pretty spooky, but, like, fucking awesome.

[Harry]

No spoilers.

[Roan]

It's kind of like the Prisoner. The Prisoner. Prisoners. Prisoners meets. I don't know.

[Sass]

I would love if there was, like, a big gay sting operation to catch that senator, if that's how they did it. The same way. Because everybody in the bathroom was an actor.

[Roan]

Prisoners meets the first season of True Detective.

[Harry]

That was pretty convincing. I mean, that's pretty. What does it have on. What's the. What's its IMDb numbers? Or rotten tomatoes? But I'm more of an IMDb guy, personally.

[Roan]

I think it had on. On.

[Harry]

This better not be no. 6 out of 10.

[Sass]

I watched that.

[Harry]

6.6 out of 10.

[Roan]

Is that not good?

[Harry]

It's good for a comedy.

[Sass]

It's good for a sequel.

[Roan]

On Rotten Tomatoes, it had, I think, like. Like 90s from the critics and then like 75 from the audience.

[Harry]

Interesting.

[Sass]

Do you want that better?

[Roan]

No. I tend to rate the audience as more. More. I give them more credit, but.

[Sass]

Interesting.

[Roan]

This was a really good movie. I was surprised.

[Harry]

I'll check it out. I might watch that tonight.

[Roan]

It's a good one.

[Sass]

I watched that. That. What's that crusade movie that you guys said to watch? The. The. Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Roan]

Oh, the Kingdom.

[Sass]

The Kingdom?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

The Kingdom of God.

[Harry]

You watched it?

[Sass]

I watched it. I watched on Saturday.

[Harry]

Watch the Director's Cut.

[Sass]

No.

[Harry]

Oh, supposedly that's, like, the only one that's good.

[Sass]

Really?

[Harry]

I thought it was the director's gut.

[Roan]

You're gonna want it. You're gonna want to go back and now watch the director.

[Harry]

I think the Director's Cut supposed to be, like, significantly better than the regular one.

[Roan]

Is this your phone? That's. Is it?

[Harry]

Someone's phone's going crazy.

[Roan]

Fuck that shit.

[Sass]

My shit is my.

[Harry]

Just throw your phone.

[Sass]

Quiet.

[Roan]

Just don't care. I don't want anyone talking to me.

[Sass]

My shit is dormant.

[Harry]

I'm bricked. I'm Bricked right now, am I?

[Sass]

Yeah, same boys. I'm fully bricked.

[Roan]

Someone. All right, Ron, I kind of want you to weigh in on this.

[Sass]

Hit me.

[Roan]

This is a little bit of a left turn for us. But. So. So someone that I was talking to told me recently that he and his wife are pregnant and this is.

[Harry]

Their first wife's pregnant.

[Roan]

Sure. Actually, no, it's a junior situation.

[Sass]

It's that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie with.

[Roan]

He's pregnant, she's not.

[Sass]

Wow, that's interesting.

[Roan]

No, but they're. She's pregnant. They're pregnant with their first child. And he was talking to me about it, and he was like, yeah, just. We was. We weren't even trying, and it just happened. I think that that is one of the more, I guess, like, in. In insensitive things to say, because then the frequency of, like, people who. Who have a really hard time getting pregnant and have to go through round after round of, you know, IUI or IUF or all these things, or ivf, rather, and then, you know, struggle and women who, like, you know, I've met a number of these people. I know people in my life that have, like, had five years of.

[Sass]

Hell.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

Trying and spending tens of thousands of dollars.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

For the thing they want more than anything in the world, which is a child. And if one of these people comes up to them and it's like, yeah, we just were. Out of nowhere. I came and whoopsie daisy.

[Sass]

I just have chunky loads.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

I just have very.

[Roan]

We weren't even trying. I feel like if you had that person say that to those people. Yeah, those people. I mean, that sucks.

[Harry]

Yeah, definitely.

[Roan]

Am I wrong?

[Harry]

No, I mean, I think you're right. I mean, I think it depends on the person who you're telling. Like, if they're talking to someone who, you know, has been through those problems, then, yeah, definitely wouldn't. Wouldn't walk.

[Sass]

Just, like. I just have a potent batch.

[Harry]

Turns out we're both just crazy fertile.

[Roan]

That's it. Also. Also, there's something innately braggadocious, I think, about being like, no, we weren't even trying. It's like we were having recreational sex

[Harry]

as we often do, you know, love each other.

[Roan]

It was a Tuesday, and I was nutting in her, as I often do, and what do you know, kid?

[Sass]

It was pre come, actually, I swear to God.

[Roan]

And on a more technical level, I also think that, like, saying we weren't even trying is complete horseshit as well, because the last 30 seconds of that conception Were.

[Harry]

Which is.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's the sound of trying.

[Harry]

Yeah, I think they were definitely trying.

[Roan]

That's effort.

[Harry]

That's what I was gonna say when you first said it was that I don't think that's possible to have a baby without trying.

[Roan]

Oh, no. My dick just fell out of my pants, was hard, and went into her just as coming.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

I think that it's. Do they want kids? Because it's like, if you're not trying and you get some kids, like, you're in for it.

[Harry]

Yeah, that would suck.

[Sass]

That's insane.

[Roan]

Yeah, they, they, they, they do. But I think this happens sooner than they were ready for it too.

[Sass]

So they're just trying to brag.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's what, that's what I'm saying.

[Harry]

Or maybe he, maybe he's like trying to be like just like cool guy and just be like, I didn't even fucking want kids, you know?

[Roan]

No, he wasn't trying. He wasn't like scared about it.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

But I don't know.

[Harry]

I just feel like there's a lot of different ways it could come off.

[Roan]

I just, at this point in my life, I know a lot of people that have really had a hard time.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Roan]

Like a, a life challenging, marriage, wrenching time of getting pregnant. Yeah. And therefore I would never. If, if someday I were, you know, trying to get pregnant or whatever and it just happened, I wouldn't go around being like, yeah, knocked her up. No big deal.

[Sass]

Easy, bro. I could do that anytime I want.

[Roan]

We didn't even have to track her ovulation cycle.

[Sass]

That is hilarious.

[Roan]

Want to know how we found out? I felt baby kicking.

[Sass]

I think it's funnier when it's. When people have like nine kids and they just. On accident, they're never trying, but they can't stop having sex and they like, it's hard to afford. Like, that's. I, I think even more rich. Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

I mean, there are a lot of people like that, you know, I feel

[Roan]

like I was talking about them financially. That's funny.

[Sass]

Stop. They're so fertile and horny that they, like, can't put two and two together. That that's what's happening. And it's like every time you just have been handcuffed with a mortgage.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah. I mean, it's got to be like. Yeah. I can't even imagine how much money that would be.

[Sass]

Like nine.

[Harry]

Like, but there's like, there's like a ton of people that are tick tock

[Sass]

accounts of like 14 kids just like parading Out.

[Harry]

I feel like I was talking to someone recently who just, like, dropped that. They have, like, four brothers and, like, six sisters or some shit.

[Sass]

It's like, dude, this is.

[Harry]

You didn't come over. Yeah. And you're like, what?

[Sass]

What? Like it was your parents worried about smallpox. I want to cast a wide net,

[Harry]

like a separate house for you guys.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

How does that find a house that big?

[Sass]

Right? Ye.

[Harry]

Or I guess everyone shares a room with multiple people.

[Roan]

Dude, I saw a statistic, and I still can't fathom that this is true. But, Tyler, I'm going to want you to back me up on this. Look up the average birth, like, the number of. The average number of children that a woman in America had in the 1850s.

[Sass]

Oh, they were just putting up fucking insane shot attempts at that era.

[Harry]

Well, I think it was also because everyone was dying when they were like, three.

[Roan]

In the 1850s, US women had an average of six to seven children over their lifetime.

[Harry]

What is over there? I don't like over there?

[Roan]

Like, first of all. Yeah. First of all, those women are dying at, like, 40.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Right. Secondly, that means that if that's the average, there's, like, a pretty large number of families that are having nine to 12.

[Harry]

Yeah. I mean, you gotta think how many are just having one and someone's.

[Roan]

Yeah, someone's having, like, four and being like, I don't know.

[Harry]

This is good for us.

[Roan]

It was killing us.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Now it's 1.6. 4 to 1.73 births per woman.

[Roan]

Yeah. And you need 2.1 to replenish the birth rate. Right? Yeah, yeah. Everybody knows that. I shouldn't have said that.

[Harry]

Is that. I didn't know that. Oh, because it says it right there.

[Roan]

No, I, I. And then I saw it. But that math is interesting. The 0, 1.1.

[Sass]

What's my part? Boys.

[Harry]

Fuck.

[Roan]

Are you boys at the point? No, you need to have 0.1 more.

[Harry]

Yeah, you're behind.

[Sass]

I got a double dog.

[Harry]

No, it doesn't count. Doesn't count.

[Sass]

The hog doesn't count.

[Harry]

The dog's not replenishing anything.

[Sass]

Your parents were on it, Sass. Yeah. Your parents were. Were dedicated to the cause. They were early Elon Musk adopters.

[Roan]

They had four. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

Even four is a lot, though.

[Roan]

Four is a lot in these, These days. But back in the 1850s, I mean,

[Harry]

I guess in the 1850s, it was like, you got nine kids. Like, where are they going? Nowhere. Yeah, it's probably a lot easier to watch your kids.

[Roan]

400 acres of land that we bought for a hat.

[Sass]

Yeah. Any farm hands?

[Roan]

How'd you get it all? Well, we were the first ones here.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

You put a stake in the ground.

[Roan]

Stick in the ground.

[Sass]

That's so. I mean, it's. It's an insane time. The woman is also just. She's not going to work at Morgan Stanley in 1850.

[Harry]

No.

[Sass]

You know what I mean? She's not trying to a. She's not girl bossing and. And starting her own business or anything like that. She's at home.

[Harry]

I mean, what's even the guy doing? He's probably just war.

[Roan]

War goes from one war to the next.

[Harry]

War is there killing somebody or he's

[Sass]

at home or he's.

[Harry]

Or he's, you know, chopping wood.

[Sass]

And depression wasn't a thing. There wasn't like postpartum depression or something like that. Get back in the oven. Yeah.

[Harry]

If you got depression, you just die.

[Roan]

It's crazy how frequently children just died.

[Harry]

Oh, constantly. Well, I think that's probably why people were having so many kids.

[Roan]

Lincoln had better odds. I think Lincoln had two kids who died.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

That's why his wife was such a.

[Roan]

Yeah, she really undid her and like, you know, they probably had like.

[Sass]

Mac, it's not funny. Mac, bro. It's her life. Not really. They had what, Francis?

[Roan]

They probably had, you know, very easily curable afflictions.

[Sass]

Oh, yeah, for sure. Like a headache.

[Roan]

Yeah, right.

[Sass]

A headache.

[Harry]

He's got a headache for about eight hours now. So we put him down.

[Sass]

We hanged him.

[Harry]

Put him out of his misery.

[Sass]

We hanged him. He's had a tummy ache.

[Roan]

He filled the outhouse with diarrhea. And we only have the one toilet. So I held his head under.

[Sass]

That's got to be one of the worst ways to die. Getting a lesson, drown in your own diarrhea.

[Roan]

Sass, every Wednesday you suffocated him.

[Sass]

Do you remember that there was like a show on like Spike TV or something. It was called like Six Million Ways to Die or something like that.

[Harry]

It was called 10 million ways to die.

[Sass]

10 million ways to Die. Maybe it was.

[Harry]

I think you're mistaken that with the Holocaust.

[Sass]

A Million Ways to Die in the West.

[Roan]

Seth MacFarlane movie.

[Sass]

No, there was. I think. I think it was try six, but I think that it was like. And they were just like diagram different ways that people died and like, have.

[Harry]

Yeah, like there's the one where, like, the dudes, like, on the. It's squished between the two bunk beds.

[Sass]

Thousand Ways to Die.

[Harry]

You were about to Boy, you guys

[Roan]

really watched a lot of episodes.

[Harry]

I never watched this show every time this show was on a lot of reruns.

[Sass]

I feel like there's more ways to die than a thousand. That's it.

[Harry]

Well, this was back in the early 2000s.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Roan]

They've been. They've invented new ways since then.

[Sass]

Drowning in diarrhea has to have been one of them.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Drowning in your own diarrhea in the outhouse. In the old Lincoln outhouse.

[Harry]

Oh, wow. It started in 2008, 2012.

[Sass]

And they only got to 518. Well, we'll never know the 488 other

[Harry]

ways we should make the rest.

[Sass]

The 482 ways to die.

[Roan]

Spike TV had some really good programming. I used to watch Warrior the Ultimate Fighter, which was awesome. And then also was the Discovery Channel that had some, like, really cool shows. Like, Fight Quest was awesome.

[Harry]

You can't even, like, go back and watch most of those shows. Like, I've tried to find, like, full episodes of Deadliest Warrior. It's like, impossible.

[Roan]

What was Deadliest Warrior again?

[Harry]

That was the one where they would, like, run all the simulations and it would be Jesse James versus Al Capone.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. I remember we used to that when we would have road trips for lacrosse on our en route to losing. We would have. We'd be paired up and one night I was roommates with Zach Whitman, or Squidman, as we called Squid. And he was just working on, like, an essay or something. He was really smart. And I was watching Fight Quest.

[Harry]

Oh, nice.

[Roan]

And every once in a while he'd look up and he'd be like, man, I can't believe they learned Jiu Jitsu that quickly. Do you know about Fight Quest? Me the concept?

[Harry]

No. No.

[Roan]

It would be two guys who were like mixed martial artists, and they would go to some part of the world to learn the specific fighting technique that that place specialized.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

And then they'd have like two weeks to kind of learn it. And then.

[Sass]

Wow.

[Roan]

It only went for one season.

[Harry]

I think there's only one episode. Oh, no, here we go.

[Roan]

Damn. That's crazy. This was. I thought this was such a good show. Guess it was just me.

[Sass]

Whoa.

[Harry]

What did that say? Netanyahu.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Didn't that say. It said that, right?

[Sass]

Yes.

[Harry]

The ninth episode. The last episode was with Netanyahu.

[Roan]

Oh, Krav Maga. That's crazy.

[Sass]

Is that. What is that?

[Roan]

Breakdance fighting Krav Maga is like street fighter fighting techniques. It's like all Kinds of whatever.

[Sass]

Israeli.

[Harry]

Oh, they do all of the different countries.

[Roan]

Yeah. So they went to all these places and wherever.

[Harry]

Well, I guess nine of them.

[Sass]

You learn South Central, just. They use Mac Tens to shoot at each other. That's crazy.

[Harry]

Jimmy Smith, good guy.

[Sass]

So. So you're next to Squidward on the bus, on the.

[Roan]

In the hotel.

[Sass]

And did he write his. Did he write a story or what?

[Harry]

I mean, what episode were you guys watching? We could probably narrow it down.

[Roan]

I know exactly what. The one we were watching. We were watching the one where they went to. I think it was like monks and they had to learn how to break bricks with their bare hands.

[Harry]

So. Could have been Japan.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Or China. China.

[Harry]

Or br.

[Roan]

No, I suggest that we should. Or Korea, maybe push our beds together and make one big bed.

[Harry]

He didn't like that.

[Roan]

No. Well, he didn't understand because I was just tapping my foot

[Sass]

a wide stance. Off your bed. Off your bunk bed.

[Roan]

Wide bed stance.

[Harry]

I'm gonna hit someone with the foot tap sometime soon and just be like, what? Like, just see what happens.

[Roan]

Balls in your court.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. And like, if they. If they acknowledge it, I'll be like, you're gay. How did you know that?

[Roan]

You knew what? That.

[Harry]

How did you know what? The double foot tap was testing you?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Wasn't that 19 years ago? Like, when did that. Oh, actually, did B Quest come out the same year that that senator got caught? That would be crazy.

[Roan]

It may have been. I'm having a big 2007 year right now.

[Sass]

Yeah, this is a big 2007 episode.

[Roan]

What?

[Sass]

But, but like, do you think that the gays have come up with some new shit in the last 19 years? Like a different.

[Roan]

Yeah, they came up with Grindr, which meant that you no longer had to run the risk of guessing. Soliciting an undercover cop. But I'd imagine that's whole Minneapolis airport now. You just put on the fucking thing.

[Harry]

Isn't it all for the thrill though?

[Roan]

There's 13 eligible guys at Gate A. Thirteen? Yeah. I'll take the fittest one right now into the family bathroom and not get arrested. Arrested for it. And ruined my entire 30 year political career.

[Harry]

Yeah, I mean, I think you still get arrested if you have sex in the family bathroom.

[Sass]

Prove it. Prove that they had sex.

[Harry]

Yeah, they'd be like, why are you guys both in there?

[Sass]

He was helping me find a contact.

[Roan]

This is my partner and he's been ill and I was helping him feel better. He's been throwing up. I'm comforting him.

[Sass]

We're senators. We were doing a backroom deal.

[Harry]

I would say that's bullshit. You're both gay and you know it. And now you're going to jail and

[Roan]

entire airport would get sued and they would no longer be the number one.

[Sass]

Yeah, that's probably why it's number one. Just get away with it every time.

[Harry]

Okay, we need to talk about this because it's kind of a big deal. Fabletics just dropped denim.

[Roan]

Denim, Francis, come on.

[Harry]

Yes, Real denim, not athleisure inspired, actual structured, durable, premium feel denim.

[Sass]

On Monday, I was wearing some. The. The Tuesday episode of this week, I'm wearing some fabletic.

[Harry]

Some fabletic denim.

[Sass]

Fabletic denim. I got a lot of compliments on that denim. It's like double reinforced knee white denim,

[Harry]

durable structure, flowy, properly structured.

[Sass]

Well, they have different cuts too.

[Roan]

They do. I like the jogger pants that they make and actually wear them for jogging ironically.

[Harry]

Well, these are dead. These are not athleisure. These are denim pants.

[Roan]

Okay.

[Harry]

If you know fabletics, you probably think of them for performance gear.

[Roan]

Sure do.

[Harry]

So seeing them step into denim, that's a serious level up. They have millions of loyal members who trust their fit. So seeing them bring that same innovation to denim, it's exciting. And this is a brand new drop. New styles, new washes and sizes will not sit around forever.

[Sass]

No, it's not. That's really good denim.

[Harry]

Oh, it's quality denim. Now here's the part that actually shocked me. When you sign up as a new VIP with Fabletics, you get denim for just $29.

[Roan]

What?

[Harry]

$29 denim.

[Roan]

Which, honestly, I didn't even know you could make denim for that.

[Harry]

It's unheard of for this level of quality.

[Sass]

Well, it looks like 300 to $3,000 den denim.

[Harry]

Exactly. But it's $29 denim. And they do not, let me tell you, they don't feel like $29 jeans. They keep it simple with two stretch levels. Because not everyone wants the same feel.

[Sass]

Yep. Or the same silhouette, same cut.

[Harry]

I mean, they've got. They got a lot of options. They got, you know, straight, slim, baggy, even baggy utility, plus a trucker jacket. I mean, if you're looking to go full body denim, you want to match

[Sass]

it with the rest of your silhouette too.

[Harry]

Exactly. Fabletics have. Has incredible deals. And I've got an exclusive offer just for my listeners. Get $29 denim. When you sign up as a new VIP, just head to fabletics.com boydad take a quick style quiz, and be sure to Select Boydad when prompted to unlock your offer. That's fabletics.com boydad draftkings casino is changing

[Sass]

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[Harry]

It's a lot of spins of slots.

[Sass]

The crown is yours in partnership with DraftKings Casino. You know, I'm obsessed with these flex spins, dude.

[Roan]

The DraftKings Casino is my favorite. My favorite reason to be in the state of New Jersey.

[Sass]

Yep. Flood to New Jersey.

[Roan]

Every time I get over there to my golf club, the first thing I do is I pull up the DraftKings casino and I play rocket. Oh, yeah, I love me some rocket. And I'll tell you what, whenever I'm at that bar at. Well, not drinking, but just at the at. Sitting at the bar while there's food, belly up at the golf club, when I'm playing rocket, people gather around me and they're like, do it now. Do it now. Everyone gets involved. Oh, yeah, everybody loves DraftKings Casino.

[Sass]

It's the best. DraftKings Casino. Don't forget, the crown is yours.

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[Roan]

What else? I feel like I had one more thing I wanted to talk to you guys about. Maybe that was everything. Yeah, I think that was everything. I've given you all the things that I had.

[Harry]

I don't have much. I watched the Boston bombing documentary. Pretty good. Pretty good.

[Roan]

Patriots Day one.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Why not the feature film? Why the document?

[Harry]

I watched the film as well.

[Roan]

The film's really good.

[Harry]

Yeah, it was pretty cool. I like seeing all the guys in real life first, like the movie. I don't know who Marky Mark is supposed to be.

[Sass]

I thought he was, like, a combination of a couple cops, I think, because

[Harry]

there's a couple other cops that are in it that, like, they're in it and they're in the movie. Like, you can tell. Like. Like, J.K. simmons plays a dude in the movie, and then in the documentary, like, you see who that really is.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And he's the fucking man.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

But, like, Marky Mark is, like, smoking cigarillos. Marky Mark's first one on the scene, and the guy that catches him.

[Harry]

Like, how the J.K. simmons guy was the guy that tackled the brother. It's when he's. When he's, like. When he gets to the scene and they're at the shootout, it's the two brothers, and he goes, I'm going to flank. And he walks around the house and jumps over the fences and then just tackles the brother.

[Roan]

Holy shit.

[Harry]

And then he talks about how him and the other brother were shooting at each other, and they were standing six feet away from each other, shooting at each other, and neither of them, like, got hit once.

[Sass]

Wait, they were. Shoot. The two brothers were trying to kill each other?

[Harry]

No, like, the J.K. simmons guy and one of the brothers were six feet away from each other, just shooting at each other, and no one was hitting anything. And apparently he also put nine bullets in one of the brothers before that, and he. The one that they ran over, and he just didn't. He didn't even react. Like, he just held his position and just kept shooting.

[Roan]

Yes.

[Harry]

Praise be to Allah, as Trump famously said.

[Roan]

Yeah. So this is coming out on Thursday? Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

I mean, I said we have to. We shouldn't record today, but. Because if we're.

[Sass]

If.

[Harry]

I mean, if there's. If there's. If we drop nukes tonight like that, we'll probably have to skip an episode.

[Sass]

It's nighttime there already. He's not saying tomorrow morning.

[Harry]

He's saying 8pm Eastern standard.

[Sass]

Who's dropping them at fucking prime time? He's dropping them opposite American Idol.

[Harry]

He keeps on saying tonight, as in, like, tonight for Americans.

[Sass]

Why would he wait till tonight?

[Harry]

Because they're probably sending people over right now with the nukes. I'd imagine it's pretty difficult to transport those weapons.

[Roan]

No, we have nuclear weapons in. On substance.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah. Coast, though. We got nukes.

[Roan]

Absolutely.

[Harry]

It's crazy.

[Roan]

Absolutely. We've probably had a. I thought they

[Harry]

were all just, like, underground.

[Sass]

We got nukes in that other country over there. That's our. But what was. What it was Teddy Roosevelt's what did he say about. What was his like foreign policy?

[Roan]

He said walks awfully. Walks awfully carry.

[Sass]

That's what it was. I forgot what.

[Roan]

Talk softly. Talk softly and carry a big stiff. Is it walk soft? It's talk softly and carry a big stick. Jesus. Speak softly and carry a big stick.

[Sass]

So far.

[Harry]

Just give me a fucking aneurysm.

[Roan]

It's about the worst advice you could give. Someone trying to avoid bear attacks on a hike.

[Sass]

Yeah, well, cougars especially too. Cougars, you gotta walk really loudly. Yeah, but bear, hey, bear.

[Roan]

Hey bear.

[Sass]

That's. I mean, but that's black bears though, right? Brown bears. You don't want to.

[Harry]

Grizzlies, they'll you up.

[Roan]

Grizzlies. You want a surprise

[Sass]

Polar bears, you

[Roan]

want to speak up.

[Harry]

You want a surprise grizzly?

[Roan]

But I had the element of surprise. Didn't see me coming.

[Harry]

Bigger than me.

[Sass]

But I got the first shot.

[Roan]

I came up on it and I was like, don't turn around.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I don't think 13 of me.

[Sass]

We got you surrounded. We got 10 guns on you.

[Harry]

I think you definitely want to make noise, but I don't know. I don't know. What. Yeah, I mean that. That would be a real move in war. That would be my play.

[Sass]

What?

[Harry]

I'd parachute like 70 grizzly bears down. Like just drop them off a plane. They've all got parachutes. And then they just wreak havoc in Tehran.

[Sass]

If we just dropped what I think polar bears.

[Harry]

I mean, I'm not saying where it has to be done. I'm just saying that would be my strategy.

[Sass]

Polar bear dropping some polar bears in Tehran or both types of bears.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Just. You don't. You don't know who's fighting for what side.

[Harry]

Yeah. Up their ecosystem permanently.

[Sass]

Yeah, that would be nice. I don't think that they're ready for a bunch of a bear attack.

[Harry]

I don't think they are either. I don't think anyone. Anyone's ever seen anything like that.

[Roan]

The Americans introduced an invasive grizzly species.

[Harry]

Nothing in the Geneva long term. Yeah.

[Roan]

Devastated our herds of sheep.

[Sass]

That would be good. It's mountainous out there, right? Yeah. They probably actually have bears. Yeah. Go coliseum style. Maybe Drop a whale. Drop a whale on their.

[Harry]

Easy.

[Sass]

Drop a whale downtown.

[Roan]

I remember hearing that the city of Tehran is very polluted because the mountains capture the smog and keep it all hemmed in. What do you mean there's mountains around?

[Sass]

Explained it exactly.

[Harry]

Well, no, I know there's mountains all around it.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Like huge mountains.

[Roan]

Right. So what would you like to see again

[Harry]

what the smog part. I didn't understand that.

[Roan]

So the city generates pollution.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

And rather than have it dissipate out into all around. Yeah. It's trapped in. In a pocket around the city. So the city's very. The air quality in Tehran is very bad.

[Harry]

Yeah, it sounds terrible.

[Roan]

Now you agree.

[Harry]

I didn't understand the first time. I never disagreed.

[Roan]

Felt like Roan was right. It really was pretty linear.

[Sass]

You just. You said all the words you meant.

[Roan]

But can we prove that Tyler, is

[Sass]

Tehran smoggy and if so, how can we attack the smog?

[Roan]

I'm really abusing the fact that we smog maxing the pod at this point.

[Sass]

They're smogging us is to run smog.

[Roan]

That's a leading question. Don't do it that way.

[Sass]

Yes, Turag.

[Roan]

One of the most polluted cities in the the world.

[Sass]

So we don't have to wait till night to attack them.

[Roan]

Well, this is why I'm worried about the grizzlies. Because they're used to clean air.

[Sass]

Oh yeah.

[Roan]

And. And if we drop them in, they're going to be choking and hacking up a storm.

[Sass]

Maybe we dropping some dehumidifiers with them. Grizzly bear is strapped with dehumidifiers.

[Roan]

Hand them a bunch of flove vent and seravent.

[Sass]

Yeah, give them some serent. They wouldn't know what to do.

[Harry]

Do you guys think we'll. Do you think we'll actually drop new. Probably not, right?

[Roan]

I don't think so.

[Harry]

That's like the end of the world. Like I think if we drop nukes, like we gotta get out of New York like immediately. Let's go to Florida first. Get down to Florida.

[Roan]

Come upstate.

[Harry]

You're in the blast zone upstate.

[Roan]

No, I'm not. If they drop the fucking moab, you've

[Harry]

got nowhere to be. You're getting backed into a corner.

[Roan]

I checked the radius. I'm outside of it.

[Harry]

Well, hopefully they don't hit Albany.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's.

[Harry]

Well, it's technically the hit Albany on accident.

[Roan]

Everyone thinks New York City is the capital. It's not the capital. We must strike the capital first. Then from there we work our way down. Syracuse, Gettysburg.

[Harry]

That would be fun.

[Roan]

Maybe Buffalo. The Bills are good.

[Harry]

That would be like a really funny sketch. I like them insisting that we must strike the capitals.

[Roan]

Trust me, everyone, we are going to Sacramento and Albany. Augusta.

[Harry]

That would be hilarious.

[Roan]

Where does Washington D.C. fall? It is a capital of itself.

[Sass]

Leave it alone.

[Harry]

I think my thought process. I'm going. I'm Going west, you don't want to go east, because east, you're boxing yourself in. There's nowhere to go. You can go to, like, Maine.

[Roan]

You gotta get all the way to Maine to be safe.

[Harry]

Like, I don't want to be like, you know, think evil. Like, I don't want to. I don't want to have evil thoughts. But, like, if I'm thinking about it hitting Maine first because I'm going. Everyone's fleeing to Maine.

[Sass]

You're saying to, like, choke off the corridors.

[Harry]

Exactly. Box everyone into Manhattan.

[Roan]

I think people flee the thing and in that sense, thinking evilly outside of myself. I'm going dead center of the country, and I'm working my way out from there.

[Harry]

But I don't think that's what they typically would do.

[Sass]

Wow, we're right in the middle of it.

[Harry]

Hate that. I mean, that's on top of the office.

[Roan]

This. Wait, wait one second after detonation. Can we do like maybe 10 minutes? We got some more time left to record.

[Harry]

I don't know if they have like a live 2.

[Roan]

2 of 9. So go down and then hit the next. Oh, here we go. How many sec. Oh, that's. Wow, this thing's really spreading.

[Harry]

How many seconds?

[Sass]

Four.

[Harry]

Oh, wow. I thought you'd say. Okay, so that's not good.

[Sass]

Why would they drop it there?

[Roan]

This is bad news, guys. We're gonna have to get. We're gonna have to get.

[Sass]

But what's yellow? What's yellow? Yellow might not be so bad.

[Harry]

Yellows. You're getting some. You're literally getting smoked. You're dust.

[Roan]

I don't know.

[Sass]

Yellow's worse.

[Harry]

No, red's obviously the worst. Yeah. What was yellow? I mean, red's like the bomb landed on top of you.

[Roan]

Is yellow like cancer? 30 years.

[Sass]

No, yellow. You get a tan.

[Harry]

Yellow's cancer in the next 10 minutes.

[Sass]

Yellow's like being on the planet fitness.

[Roan]

Yellow's like, you're not even.

[Harry]

Like, it hasn't even got to change JFK yet.

[Roan]

What does it say?

[Harry]

You think yellow's a 30 years call for help.

[Roan]

What is the. What is the thing under the ll say? Oh, seven. Oh, so it's a. This is. They're deflating footballs.

[Harry]

Psi.

[Roan]

That's what we're talking about.

[Sass]

Radi gate, deflate gate.

[Harry]

I think if it hits Manhattan, everyone's. It's not good.

[Sass]

You think they would. You think they can even hit Manhattan? No, no, that's what all the drones were last summer or whatever the it was. Remember when everyone's like, what are the drones? We're definitely mapping.

[Harry]

Is that last summ. I feel like that was like four years ago.

[Sass]

Could have been four years ago.

[Roan]

I can't believe you guys get new waters every fucking time. And I keep drinking the dregs.

[Harry]

Well, I usually get mine down to the same, right? About the same.

[Roan]

And then it makes its way over here and I have to drink the last third.

[Harry]

I'm going to start throwing mine away just so you don't do that.

[Roan]

It's fine.

[Sass]

You do backwash like a demon.

[Harry]

I don't backwash at all.

[Sass]

What do we. I would love to watch something with you guys during fish week. A show that we could all watch together maybe.

[Roan]

Oh, that'd be fun.

[Harry]

Good idea. Maybe like a docu series or something.

[Roan]

True crimey.

[Sass]

Come on, bro.

[Harry]

I mean. Or we could watch. What do you want to watch? A movie?

[Sass]

Love is Blind Sports. I mean, I put up.

[Harry]

Last time we did this, you guys both went to bed at like 9:30. Francis went to bed first and then Rome was like, I'll stay. Let's watch a movie. I'm gonna stay up. And then what did we end up picking? The Dark Knight was it. We watched.

[Sass]

We didn't even get something worse.

[Harry]

Get through the opening credits and Roan. Sorry, engine. Let's watch something like a super fucking jet engine.

[Roan]

Let's watch something super scary. That's the right thing to do because that won't let us. We won't fall asleep. Really scary.

[Harry]

There's not really that many things that are really scary though.

[Roan]

Oh, come on. People are saying this new movie with the guy from Parks and Rec is really scary.

[Sass]

What?

[Harry]

Adam Scott?

[Roan]

Yeah, Adam Scott. There's a new movie with him that's supposed to be really, really scary.

[Sass]

What's it called? Sniz.

[Harry]

That's Sinister. I would say Sinister. I would say Sinister is probably top three scariest movies I've ever seen.

[Roan]

Have you seen Hereditary? Yeah, Hereditary was unbelievable.

[Harry]

It's one of my favorite movies.

[Roan]

It's so good.

[Harry]

Yeah. It's insane. Have you ever seen Midst Summer?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah, that one's good too.

[Roan]

Ariaditary?

[Harry]

Better.

[Roan]

I thought so too, probably.

[Harry]

Ari Asser is good, but the beau is Afraid is one of the worst things I've ever watched in my life.

[Roan]

Oh, I didn't see that one.

[Harry]

You don't skip it. It's like six hours long.

[Roan]

Oh, geez. What?

[Harry]

It follows. That movie sucked.

[Roan]

What about 1408 new Adam Scott scary movie?

[Harry]

I mean, I would. I would. I would watch a Horror movie for sure.

[Roan]

Sure. Hokum hokum May 1st. Oh, shit. Well, maybe we could get one of those.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Roan]

Pre comes from Jeff Delo.

[Harry]

Could you get us a Pre Cut run?

[Sass]

I could easily. I'm Wag.

[Harry]

How do you.

[Roan]

Oh, I'm sag.

[Sass]

Arc Powers combined. We should. Wait. You're Film Actors Guild, right?

[Roan]

Isn't he

[Sass]

wag, SAG and Sass.

[Harry]

That's a classic. He's used that one a while ago. Years ago. It's a heater, though.

[Roan]

Why did you have to dog him like that?

[Harry]

Because I think about that joke a lot. I knew he was gonna do it.

[Sass]

I think it's probably stolen from somewhere.

[Harry]

No, no, that's you.

[Sass]

It's gotta be stolen from someone.

[Harry]

That's all you. That's all you, bro.

[Sass]

No, I would never.

[Harry]

Yeah, we should get an early copy. Watch Hokum Hokum. I mean, I love Adam Scott. That guy's having a generational run.

[Roan]

Sure is. He is.

[Sass]

Is.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

With what?

[Harry]

Severance?

[Roan]

Severance. Step brothers. Step brothers.

[Harry]

He came out, like 15 years ago.

[Roan]

The range, though, there was that really good show on HBO that he was on

[Harry]

called Hot tub time machine 2.

[Sass]

It's like a good Secret Life of Walter Mitte.

[Harry]

Hot Tub Time.

[Roan]

Big Little Lies. Big Little Lies was really, really good.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Roan]

Did you watch that show? That was a great show.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Hot tub time machine 2 is really scary.

[Harry]

I did watch that. That was really good.

[Roan]

Big Little.

[Harry]

Yeah, it shows.

[Roan]

Super good. Yeah.

[Sass]

So Hot Tub Time Machine two will watch.

[Harry]

That's currently. That's the only one we've decided on as a group. We're going to watch the Life of Walter Mitty. Have you guys seen that?

[Roan]

Yes.

[Harry]

Banger.

[Roan]

Good one. I went to Iceland. Iceland. As I'm sure so many people did after kind of after seeing that movie. Movie?

[Harry]

Yeah. That's why me and my friends all went.

[Roan]

I had an experience that was nothing.

[Harry]

Oh, no,

[Roan]

it's. His is like a journey of exploration

[Sass]

and that's hard to replicate. A fun travel.

[Harry]

Well, he's, like, climbing a mountain and, like, fighting off warlords.

[Sass]

And there's warlords in Iceland.

[Roan]

It's based on that short story that a lot of us had to read in school. I remember there was this big textbook we had had in middle school that had the Most Dangerous Game. It had A Telltale Heart by Edgar Allan Poe. It had the Secret Life of Walter Mitte. And it was just all these short stories that we ended up reading for English and then had to write essays On. And I remembered them distinctly. They were great stories.

[Sass]

Those are some heaters. Yeah, there's some great short stories.

[Harry]

The Other Guys. Have you guys seen the Other Guys? Guys?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Horse Terrifying.

[Harry]

I feel like you haven't. Ron hasn't seen it.

[Sass]

Why wouldn't I see that?

[Harry]

Because you looked away from me as you said it.

[Sass]

Oh. What? Are you suggesting you're lying to me? Suggesting you're lying. Oh, what a gumshoe.

[Roan]

Let's. Let's. Let's not talk about movies anymore.

[Harry]

Yeah, let's move on from that.

[Sass]

Yeah, I just wanted to watch a movie with you guys.

[Roan]

No, I think we've decided we're gonna watch Spooky.

[Harry]

No, I thought we said it was Hot Tub Time Machine too.

[Roan]

I don't want to watch.

[Harry]

Well, if Hokum's. If we can't get. Hokum. If we can get.

[Roan]

I want to stay in the scary genre, I think.

[Sass]

Let's watch something scary. Rosemary's Baby.

[Roan]

Oh, I've never seen that.

[Harry]

There's nothing scary to you about getting in a hot tub. And it transports you back 40 years. That's not scary. That's horrifying to me.

[Sass]

And then afterwards, we're all getting the hot. The. The actual hot tub.

[Roan]

That's one of my favorite Baratsi bits.

[Harry]

What?

[Roan]

Where he's like, I'm so dumb that even if I had a time machine and went back a hundred years, he's like, I wouldn't be any better off.

[Sass]

Oh, yeah.

[Roan]

They'd be like, so who's. So who's the president? He wouldn't be able to invent Google or come up with anything that gave him an advantage in 100 years prior.

[Harry]

Did he do that on SNL?

[Roan]

No. Well, I don't think so, but he did it. It was on his first album. Oh, like clowns or something? Something like that. Magic and Part Time Magic, I think it was called.

[Harry]

I haven't seen a lot of his older stuff.

[Roan]

That album's amazing. Part Time Magic.

[Harry]

Yeah. I haven't watched stand up in so

[Sass]

long, you think you know everything.

[Harry]

I've mastered the craft.

[Sass]

You think you've got it all figured out?

[Harry]

Yeah. No, but it was just like. I mean, it was bound to happen. That's what everyone says. Everyone that does comedy says they don't watch comedy. And I used to always be like, what? Like, I go do my set and then I come home and I watch comedy.

[Sass]

Comedy.

[Harry]

And now I just don't watch it ever. Even when I get it on the Instagram. Skip.

[Sass]

Because you're like, I could have came up with something better. Yeah, I could have.

[Harry]

More repetitive.

[Sass]

I could have did that one.

[Harry]

Exactly.

[Sass]

Do you watch comedy?

[Roan]

No, not really. But I mean, here and there. I watched Chappelle. When he has a new special. I'll watch that. Bill Burr.

[Harry]

Yeah, Bill Burr. We should have Bill Burr on the podcast.

[Roan]

That would be cool.

[Harry]

Do you know him?

[Roan]

Yeah, I've met him a few times.

[Harry]

I bumped into him once and I turned around and I said, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. And then I looked and it was Bill Burr.

[Sass]

Holy shit.

[Harry]

That's crazy. Top moment of my life.

[Sass]

So you could probably reach out to him.

[Harry]

I could probably hit him up. Hey, you probably remember me from that time you got bumped into in New York.

[Sass]

I think that I thought that we were not having guests for a little bit. Bit, yeah. But we'll make an exception for Bill Burr.

[Roan]

Bill Burr would be fine.

[Sass]

Yeah, he'd be fine.

[Roan]

To make an exception for.

[Sass]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Roan]

All right. I think maybe that's it.

[Harry]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Roan]

Okay, fine.

[Harry]

Not even close.

[Sass]

Not even close. We haven't even gotten to love on the spectrum yet.

[Harry]

I don't even think we're at that point yet.

[Roan]

Are we over an hour?

[Harry]

Oh, hour.

[Sass]

10%.

[Harry]

I think it's about that time.

[Roan]

I knew it was. I was getting hot. That's why I said it.

[Harry]

Yeah, I was getting a nice shirt.

[Roan]

Dude, it's room.

[Harry]

Where'd you get that shirt at?

[Roan]

It's a thermal, which is why I'm hot. Yeah, I mean, the heat is in the name.

[Harry]

Under Armour.

[Roan]

Yeah, I'm ready to go ski.

[Harry]

It's a solid thermal, though.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's a good thermal.

[Harry]

Hit me with that link.

[Sass]

Dense thermal. It's. That's not Uniqlo. I can actually tell.

[Roan]

No, this is camoli from. From Japan.

[Sass]

Oh, that bro dropped 300 on the thermi.

[Roan]

Yeah, no, I. I didn't. This was illegally shipped to me.

[Harry]

Illegally from Japan. From the buyer.

[Roan]

We got some boots on the ground there.

[Sass]

Really?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

That's smart. I might ask you to send a couple things over.

[Roan]

They took the tags off and sent them to me as if it was them sending their own clothing home.

[Harry]

That's pretty crazy. Very illegal.

[Roan]

Doesn't seem that hard.

[Harry]

Very illegal.

[Roan]

And for the sake of not being arrested. I'm kidding.

[Sass]

Well, today I'm.

[Harry]

I don't believe you.

[Sass]

The day this episode comes out is my son's first birthday. Oh, yes.

[Harry]

Happy birthday.

[Roan]

Going to their birthdays.

[Sass]

Yes, you are I can't wait. And yeah, coming to the Phillies game.

[Roan]

Harry will not be there.

[Sass]

Well, Harry just didn't respond to any of the messages about it.

[Roan]

Even though Harry will performing at New Brunswick, which is actually pretty darn close to Philly and totally doable.

[Harry]

No, I'll definitely get out there. Saturday, right?

[Roan]

Saturday, yeah. Noon game one.

[Sass]

One. One o', clock, Phillies game.

[Roan]

One o', clock, Phillies game. So you come to the, you know, for six in and then you just get right back up to New Brunswick for the shows.

[Harry]

It's not a bad idea, honestly.

[Roan]

I think you'd have a great day.

[Harry]

Yeah, it sounds like a good day.

[Roan]

Ironically, when you and I did New Brunswick last year, you were coming from Philly. I had gone to my goddaughter's first birthday in Philly. Yeah, down there. It was at a trampoline park. It's pretty cool.

[Sass]

That's so nice.

[Roan]

I only go to first birthdays in Philly.

[Sass]

When you're in New Brunswick, when someone

[Roan]

is performing at New Brunswick. When Harry's performing.

[Harry]

Interesting. Well, I'll have to get out there for that. Saturday?

[Sass]

Yeah, 1pm Saturday, 1pm I'll be there.

[Harry]

Yeah, right. Consider me there.

[Sass]

Yeah, right.

[Harry]

We probably fly.

[Sass]

We already gave your ticket away.

[Harry]

No way.

[Sass]

We already sold your ticket.

[Harry]

You better not have. I'll use Game Time. Get a new one.

[Sass]

Game Time's a sponsor anymore.

[Harry]

Whoa.

[Sass]

Are they?

[Harry]

I don't know. All right. Well, that's been fun.

[Roan]

In truth, this was one of my more favorite episodes. Great time. I thought this was one of my favorites.

[Harry]

It was for me. I had a great time.

[Roan]

This is a good one. Yeah.

[Harry]

Blast.

[Roan]

Really? One of our best.

[Harry]

And I found out that a meeting that I had after this got canceled. So what meeting fired up?

[Roan]

Second meeting of the day.

[Harry]

Second meeting of the day.

[Roan]

What the hell?

[Harry]

This one's with a different person.

[Roan]

Who? I won't even ask.

[Sass]

People know that the only way that they could get Sass's audience is through meetings. But also, like, there's enough people at this office that think that they need to talk to us to talk to you. And that's annoying as fuck.

[Roan]

Yeah, that is annoying.

[Harry]

I've told you guys multiple times that that's an issue.

[Sass]

What do you mean?

[Harry]

That's been happening since I started working here.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Is that everyone goes to Roan and it's like, do you think Sass will

[Sass]

do this and I don't?

[Harry]

Come to me.

[Sass]

Yeah, but that's more annoying for me than it is for you.

[Roan]

It's because they try to go to you, and then you don't respond.

[Harry]

They never try to. To go to me. That's such a lie. Everyone says that. They're like, you don't want to do any shows or anything. It's like no one asks. They can ask.

[Sass]

I don't know. You didn't RSVP for the birthday.

[Harry]

Cuz I was figuring out if I'm going. I'm still not. I'm still undecided.

[Sass]

Just keep me on the. Keep us on the fence.

[Harry]

I'll keep you in the loop.

[Sass]

Keep me in the loop. Keep me in the loop.

[Harry]

I'll circle back.

[Sass]

Any more stretching? Can we stretch it at all? Any more stretching?

[Harry]

I got nothing. I started playing on stretch resolution on CS2. It's definitely making things a little bit easier, but the guys are moving a little faster side to side, which I don't like. All right, thank you, guys. We'll be back on this comes out Thursday. Yeah, well, hopefully we didn't drop nukes.

[Sass]

Well, whatever. Fingers crossed.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Roan]

All right.

[Harry]

We'll be back. Goodbye.