Veritas | Son of a Boy Dad #384

Summary

Son of a Boy Dad #384 - "Veritas"

Release Date: March 17, 2026
Hosts: Harry (Lil Sasquatch), Roan (Rone), Francis Ellis
Producer: Barstool Sports

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Episode Overview

This episode finds the trio in classic form: riffing on life, sharing bizarre stories, needling each other, and, at times, getting earnestly reflective. With Lil Sasquatch (Harry) recently dropped out of college and searching for direction, Rone (Roan) and Francis Ellis step into the generic, ill-defined roles of “life mentors,” though the group prefers gags and banter over solemn advice. Through wide-ranging discussions, they touch on manhood, honor, Harvard traditions, the absurdities of air travel, family, fitting in, and, naturally, plenty of comedic detours into tampon talk and TSA horror stories.

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Key Segments & Insights

1. Sleep-Deprived Banter & "Present Monday" [02:16–06:57]

• Francis’ Red-Eye: Francis shares his professional commitment by podcasting straight off a sleepless red-eye flight.
  • Quote: “No, I’m a pro. This is what it means to be a pro.” – Francis [03:11]
• Present Monday: The group opens strange gifts, receiving everything from drill bits to menstrual cups masquerading as quirky podcast presents.
  • Quote: “These are like medical parts. Are these shell casings?...Those are for a drill?” – Francis [04:47]
  • The confusion peaks as a box of menstrual cups passes hands:
  • Quote: “If you have a big pussy, you’d use this one, I assume.” – Roan [05:54]
  • Quote: "You can mold those into dreidels, you just leave those in the freezer." – Harry [05:59]
• Notable Moment: Roan method-acts comparing menstrual cups' nesting to Russian dolls and wonders aloud how the podcast got put on the tampon mailing list.

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2. Harvard Merch, Codes of Honor, and "Stolen Valor?" [09:29–17:22]

• Harvard Gear & Coach Byrne: Francis brings in care packages of Harvard Lacrosse team apparel sent by the coach, sparking playful debates about “stolen valor” when wearing another school’s merch.
  • Quote: "If someone came up to you and said, prove how you are connected to that team, you’d say, Francis Ellis—I do a podcast and sit next to Francis Ellis, class of 2011, two goals against Princeton." – Francis [12:15]
• Honor Codes: The group discusses whether Harvard’s “Veritas” motto (truth) translates to real-life student behavior—prompting gallows humor about fabled rumors like roommates getting automatic A’s if one dies.
  • Quote: "The school’s motto is ‘Veritas’, which means truth. I think it’s just—don’t lie, don’t cheat…" – Francis [18:10]
  • Quote: “If one of your roommates killed him or herself, then you got automatic A’s for that whole semester.” – Francis [18:22]
• Personal Connections: Francis describes his roommate “Romeo,” later a contestant on The Bachelor, joking about the mutual myth-making of college days.
  • Quote: “He had Bottom bunk and… it got annoying” – Francis [18:50]

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3. Diversity (and Lack Thereof): Schools and Standup Crowds [21:24–24:39]

• Stuyvesant, Asian Population, and Detroit: Francis recounts Stuyvesant's legendary (but undiverse) entrance, canny battle rap alums, and Roan riffs on performing in Detroit, “the least diverse city.”
  • Quote: "76% of Stuyvesant is Asian or Asian-American... then 25% white and 1% other. You could argue it's one of the least diverse schools, but Romeo crushed it there." – Francis [21:24]
  • Quote: "I was in the least diverse city in the country this weekend, personally." – Roan [21:47]
  • Quote: "Were your shows diverse for the population of Detroit?" – Harry [22:51]
  • Quote: "Maybe the most diverse thing happening in the city." – Roan [22:54]
• Comedy as Counterculture: Roan describes doing standup next to “We Them Ones” tour, admitting DC Young Fly’s tour was likely more fun than his own.

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4. Bureaucratic Hell: Passports and the Post Office [31:26–36:27]

• Passport Fiascos: The crew bemoans the Byzantine process of expediting passports in the U.S.—from FedEx documentation to potentially needing five generations of lineage proof.
  • Quote: “You’re taking blood tests for this. You’re proving lineage for five direct generations.” – Francis [33:54]
  • Roan prepares for an intimidating trip to the post office for his passport appointment, anticipating Kafkaesque obstacles.

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5. Hasidic Tunnels, Gym Ettiquette, and Curiosity [35:45–41:14]

• Jewish Tunnels Conspiracy: A tangent into Hasidic tunnels under NYC leads to laughter at online conspiracies and viral videos.
• Interacting at the Gym: Francis debates whether he could kindly ask a Hasid at his gym about not wearing a yarmulke, sparking a heated etiquette argument.
  • Quote: "That’s a crazy thing to say." – Roan [36:46]
  • Quote: “Let me ask you—just put yourself in his pointed shoes.” – Francis [39:26]
• Gym Stereotypes: Group agrees—no one wants to be talked to at the gym, but Francis admits he’s inadvertently loud when working out without headphones.

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6. Travel Nightmares: Airports, TSA Agents, and Pilot Drama [47:01–90:00]

• Airport Chaos: Plainspoken complaints about bad airport design (e.g. Denver, LaGuardia), government shutdowns, and TSA attitudes.
  • Quote: “If you don’t want to get breathed on, pivot.” – Roan [49:43]
• TSA altercations: Francis recounts being snapped at by a TSA agent after dropping his AirPods—"If you don’t want people close to you, you chose the wrong job."
  • Quote: “That’s the power-tripping people of all time.” – Harry [51:44]
  • Roan brags about calling an Uber dispatcher to “relax” after exiting the airport, delighting in finding himself and the driver briefly united.
• Pilot Performance: Francis tells the story of a JetBlue pilot who delivered a long-winded, self-congratulatory speech in both English and Spanish before takeoff, dismissing his co-pilot’s “civilian” experience.
  • Quote: "I have 26 years of military experience flying for the Air Force. My co-pilot has seven years of civilian flying experience." – JetBlue pilot via Francis [88:35]
  • Joke emerges about “Jet Boo.”

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7. Obesity, Language, and Body Image [63:37–67:36]

• Jillian Michaels Clip: Harry brings up a video where the term “obese” is now offensive to some; the panel wanted to be called “fat-bodied people.”
  • Quote: “Obese is like their N word. They’ll be like, please don’t…” – Harry [65:05]
  • The guys riff on semantics (“morbidly obese” vs “fat”) and the absurdities of language sensitivity, ultimately maintaining a playful, irreverent tone.

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8. Francis’ Hell Gigs & Drunken Luck [68:23–84:36]

• Harsh Standup Gigs: Francis recounts a traumatic comedy gig in front of a disinterested crowd at a Dominican Republic golf club:
  • Quote: “I had to do half an hour. And I was looking at my watch being like, 17 more minutes, folks. Just hang on for dear life.” – Francis [74:29]
• Drunken “Liquid Luck”: After a massive margarita binge, Francis accidentally bonds with the right crowd and scores a spot on a private jet to Miami with near-strangers.
  • Quote: “I ended up getting myself a seat on a private jet...and the whole time I had been thanking the older guy for putting me on the jet, and he was accepting the thanks. Turns out he just some guy.” – Francis [80:38]

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9. Running Gags & Episode Wrap [91:01–End]

• Running Gags: Tampon talk, renegotiated ad reads, and concerns over who’s wearing their Harvard swag.
• Irony of Podcast Dynamics: Francis laments that whenever he opens up with stories, it’s time to go, as Roan reminds them his passport appointment is looming.
  • Quote: “I feel like we’re just kind of starting to get like…a snowball rolling downhill here.” – Harry [94:22]
• Fact Toss: Riff on animal biology (“bees and dogs can smell fear”) in the style of child actors like Jerry Maguire’s Lipnicki, and Francis shares a fact about humming and snails.
• Closing Note: Roan pushes to wrap up, reiterating he has a hard out, while Francis and Harry try to keep the ball rolling.

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Notable Quotes

• “That’s honor. Every man’s gotta follow a code.” – Roan [03:59]
• “You guys have no idea how a drill works.” – Roan [05:11]
• “You don’t pop too early.” – Francis [93:14]
• “He’s going to renegade row your neck.” – Harry [94:04]
• “If you don’t wear one of those, I’m coming over your home and I’m going to yank that fire escape…” – Francis [93:54]
• "I think what we've learned is our audience really likes longer episodes." – Francis [94:47]

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Timestamps for Key Moments

• [02:16] – Episode proper begins, banter about red-eye flights, “Present Monday” gifts
• [09:29] – Harvard lacrosse gear segment
• [17:22] – Discussion on Harvard’s honor code and "Veritas"
• [21:24] – Stuyvesant, diversity stats
• [22:51] – Roan on diverse comedy crowds in Detroit
• [31:26] – Passport fiasco and bureaucracy
• [35:45] – Hasidic tunnel conspiracy; gym etiquette debate
• [47:01] – Airport/air travel horror stories
• [63:37] – Jillian Michaels, fat acceptance and language
• [68:23] – Francis’ Dominican “hell gig”
• [80:24] – Francis’ accidental private jet ride
• [91:01] – Finale: facts, closing jokes, Roan wraps up

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Tone and Style

The tone is irreverent, quick-witted, and self-deprecating, with rapid-fire exchanges, NYC energy, and a refusal to take authority or social norms too seriously. Storytelling is loose and digressive, but genuine camaraderie and a desire for connection animate even the most offbeat bits. Even discussions about responsibility or “what it means to be a man” are more likely to devolve into wisecracks than deliver Hallmark inspiration.

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Summary for New Listeners

This episode encapsulates what makes Son of a Boy Dad unique—improvisational chemistry, unique life stories, odd rabbit holes, and the constant interplay between low-stakes banter and bigger existential questions. Whether you’re here for the bits, the life lessons, or the “tampon talk,” you’ll find the hosts both relatable and just a bit unhinged—never letting seriousness get in the way of a good joke.

Transcript

[Harry]

Hey son of a boy. Dad Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

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[Francis Ellis]

Here we go.

[Roan]

What happened to my.

[Francis Ellis]

You got a water? We got a water.

[Harry]

No, but you can have. I brought a bonus one.

[Francis Ellis]

That's awesome.

[Harry]

Thank you.

[Roan]

All right.

[Harry]

Ready?

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Alrighty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today it is March 16th. It is 11:50pm or AM it's 11:50am

[Francis Ellis]

you could have told me it's 3 in the morning. Yeah. I mean it.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

I don't know what planet I'm on now.

[Roan]

Francis hasn't slept.

[Harry]

You haven't.

[Francis Ellis]

I took. I Got off a red eye.

[Harry]

Really?

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. Yeah. Remember when. Remember when we shot that steak off and Harry had gotten off a red eye and then didn't make the 11am and then for months and months would say, well, I took a red eye.

[Harry]

Yeah. And now you have that. You've checkmated his.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, I've shown that it's doable.

[Roan]

I thought he was. When we were doing the bracket busters thing, I. I beat him here. And you were like. You were arriving, like, as it was starting, and I was really hoping that you weren't gonna make it.

[Francis Ellis]

I had a feeling.

[Harry]

Why?

[Roan]

Because then I could just give him shit.

[Harry]

Oh, okay. I was hoping that you go not

[Roan]

sleep until like 3pm today.

[Francis Ellis]

No, I'm a pro. This is what it means to be a pro.

[Roan]

You.

[Harry]

The profuse apologies you would come with if you ever slept till 3pm I know.

[Roan]

Even on like a Saturday.

[Francis Ellis]

If I'd slept through.

[Roan]

I want to hear it. I don't want to hear it right now.

[Francis Ellis]

If I'd slept through the bracket busters, I just. I don't think I would have come in ever again.

[Roan]

Yeah, they wouldn't.

[Francis Ellis]

Like, I think I would have just said, guys, you know what. What happens now?

[Harry]

Yeah, Be well Japanese style. He brought Japanese style.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm going into the woods.

[Roan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm thinking of that Japanese style with a jump rope.

[Roan]

Oh, I was thinking you were going to get fired. I didn't think you were going to

[Harry]

kill yourself in good shape afterwards.

[Francis Ellis]

I would. I'd rather fire myself.

[Roan]

I see. I see.

[Harry]

I got it.

[Roan]

Feels a little dramatic.

[Francis Ellis]

I fire me before you fire me.

[Roan]

Yeah, I get it. I get it.

[Francis Ellis]

That's honor. It is.

[Roan]

It is honor.

[Harry]

Come in.

[Roan]

Or every man's got to follow a code.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Do you guys want to do present Monday?

[Roan]

Of course.

[Francis Ellis]

Should we do present Monday?

[Harry]

Yeah, I mean, I just brought those three. So what do you guys have?

[Roan]

That top one's all me.

[Francis Ellis]

We got present Monday.

[Roan]

Everybody's from me.

[Harry]

That one was rattling around like it was some loose nuts and bolts.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, everybody knows what we do on present Monday.

[Roan]

This one's a little abstract.

[Francis Ellis]

We open it up on present Monday. Okay. What on earth are those?

[Harry]

Replaceable drill bits here. Okay.

[Roan]

What's feels like that might not have been for us.

[Harry]

Okay. I do need that.

[Francis Ellis]

This is for an electric drill. Okay.

[Harry]

What does. Philip said I have flat head.

[Roan]

Like tgas or something.

[Francis Ellis]

I don't really know why that was sent to me.

[Harry]

These are like medical parts. Are these shell casings? What is this.

[Francis Ellis]

Those are for a drill?

[Harry]

Yeah. Oh, I don't have this kind.

[Francis Ellis]

I don't either. So you can take one and I'll take.

[Roan]

I actually do, so I'll take them both.

[Harry]

You don't have this kind. What kind of drill is it, smart guy?

[Roan]

Well, a drill, they fit multiple different things. Loosen the thing.

[Francis Ellis]

Drill is one size fits all.

[Roan]

You guys have no idea how drill works.

[Harry]

He's agreeing with you.

[Roan]

Soft hands, counting money all your life.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, this is big. This is big. Is a menstrual cup.

[Harry]

Does that collect period blood?

[Francis Ellis]

What. What is going on here?

[Harry]

Why did you order these things? Two things studs would love.

[Francis Ellis]

What is that?

[Roan]

Give me, let me see.

[Harry]

Got hand sass.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I think this is like an old fashioned tampon.

[Harry]

It is not.

[Roan]

No, I think it is.

[Francis Ellis]

Put that in.

[Roan]

It goes all the way instead of like.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, and then none of the blood comes out.

[Roan]

No, because then it comes out in a cup.

[Francis Ellis]

But if it comes into the. If it just stays in, then you. You might get toxic sock.

[Roan]

There's actually two in here, believe it or not.

[Francis Ellis]

Toxic shock. Oh, they're like nesting dolls from Russia.

[Roan]

Yeah. So, like, if you have a big pussy, you would use this one, I assume.

[Harry]

But you can mold those into dreidels. You just leave those in the freezer.

[Roan]

This one's a little crooked.

[Francis Ellis]

So it's. So these correspond to the drill bits. Because one is for big drill, small drill, big pussy.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, little pussy.

[Harry]

These aren't fitted to all these.

[Roan]

Yeah, this is an old school T. You would see these typically in the.

[Harry]

No, those aren't cupcake molds for the placenta.

[Roan]

No, because see, this is the. See the little hatch at the end?

[Francis Ellis]

I don't know who I gave my. I don't know who I gave the office address to. Who then used that to send you

[Harry]

that, or do you think they ordered that to the wrong address?

[Francis Ellis]

You're gonna have more luck. Open this one. This one's present Monday for. For Harry. That's Harry's present.

[Roan]

What about the menstrual cups?

[Harry]

Yeah, let's get to the bottom of the menstrual cups. Is there more in there or is just that huge box? Just had those two things for a huge box.

[Francis Ellis]

That was the menstrual cups. Came with this other box.

[Harry]

Pre owned.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, you got to season them.

[Harry]

Yeah, it's like a cast iron skillet.

[Francis Ellis]

It's like burrs on a coffee grinder.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah. How's that going, by the way?

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, it's as Good as it's ever been, my friend. Really getting the hang of it. I love that you're due for another visit. I deserve a redempt.

[Harry]

Really? Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

I can really make sure.

[Harry]

Should we do it off cam or you want. Do you want full redemption?

[Francis Ellis]

I don't think I'm ever doing anything on camera with you again.

[Roan]

Wish I had my blade on me.

[Harry]

Do you want these drill bits?

[Roan]

Here we go.

[Francis Ellis]

Come on, Harry. You got it.

[Harry]

I'd have keys, but don't push to start over. Here.

[Francis Ellis]

Use your teeth.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah. I think these are just the straight up tampons. Swear to God, I think someone just sent us a bunch of tampons. Yeah, these are tampons.

[Harry]

Talk about.

[Roan]

I'm dead serious.

[Francis Ellis]

Well done.

[Harry]

You're wondering what's in the box.

[Roan]

I mean, that is pretty funny.

[Francis Ellis]

That is funny. That's funny. It's also so much work to. To carry a bit through.

[Harry]

I wonder what we said that they're like. You guys are.

[Roan]

Somebody just sent us a ton of t. Tampons. What the hell? So that actually is. Those are actual reusable tampons.

[Harry]

Menstrual cups.

[Roan]

Ew, gross.

[Harry]

Why?

[Roan]

I hate the human body.

[Harry]

All right, true.

[Francis Ellis]

As long as you're consistent, gag gifts out of the way. All right, let's get serious. All right. This is. This is a big moment.

[Roan]

Opened one before it pops up like

[Harry]

a dinosaur you throw in the bathtub.

[Francis Ellis]

I also think that there's a. You're going to love this, Harry. There's a piece.

[Harry]

Why are you trying to open it?

[Francis Ellis]

Table settings on Christmas. Those confetti blockers toy inside. Oh,

[Harry]

that's what they're doing with this shit.

[Francis Ellis]

All right.

[Roan]

That's crazy.

[Harry]

That's crazy. They shoot that thing out like a gun missile.

[Roan]

This feels disrespectful.

[Harry]

Oh, my God. I didn't realize.

[Roan]

They're destroying. That worked.

[Harry]

I had an extender.

[Francis Ellis]

Wait. There is a thing within there, though. This plastic piece.

[Harry]

I believe that's Francis.

[Francis Ellis]

You can use for snorting cocaine.

[Roan]

Yeah, it's. It would just be this. I don't know.

[Francis Ellis]

No, no. Here, throw it to me. There's something. I remember people used to say that this was the best. It's this thing. This thing is the best. Tootski mobile.

[Roan]

Really?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

It's better than a rolled up 20.

[Harry]

It's more sterile. Problem.

[Francis Ellis]

You don't know where that's been.

[Harry]

No.

[Francis Ellis]

No.

[Harry]

And you know that's been in a.

[Francis Ellis]

When I used small denominations, I would get ingrown hairs in My nose constantly. Yeah. And then I finally switched to Tampax Pearls, Tampax Pearl. Next thing you know, clean lines left and right.

[Harry]

The other. The other way is taking apart one of like, a G7 pen.

[Roan]

Like, that's cool for a classic Bic.

[Harry]

No, you couldn't do it with a Bic.

[Francis Ellis]

You could tell me you've never done coke without telling me you've never done.

[Roan]

I've never done coke.

[Harry]

See, bro, I've never done coke.

[Roan]

And I really. I don't think I would like it. I mean, I'm sure I would, but, like, I don't. I just don't want to go down that rabbit hole.

[Francis Ellis]

I don't believe I don't need to

[Roan]

like anything else, you know?

[Harry]

You're all maxed out. Not till you're 30. Not till you got a midlife crisis.

[Francis Ellis]

This is big. This is a big moment here, all right? This is courtesy of Coach Byrne. We were talking about the undefeated Harvard lacrosse team. Six. And now they beat Penn this weekend. Twelve, nine.

[Roan]

Easy.

[Harry]

Cheers, boys.

[Francis Ellis]

Shout out to. Shout out to Harvard lacrosse number four in the country. Truly, truly unbelievable season that they're putting together. This is fucking sick. This is a lightweight. Sort of. I mean, Harry, come on. I actually think you just. Just.

[Roan]

I think that might be a little big for me.

[Francis Ellis]

Humor me. No, slide that on.

[Harry]

Once you leave, come back and put that on.

[Francis Ellis]

You could. You could put this on over your. Your hoodie, right? This is an adult large. So I think that.

[Roan]

Do you think this will speed up my process at the post office?

[Francis Ellis]

Yes, I certainly do.

[Roan]

I think it actually could if in there with this, Harry, be like, sir, right to the front, please. We've actually got a passport ready for you right now.

[Francis Ellis]

Why didn't you say so?

[Harry]

American or Israeli?

[Francis Ellis]

Harry, you should.

[Roan]

I apply for dual citizenship.

[Francis Ellis]

You did. Oh, my God, that's.

[Harry]

Oh, that's so cool.

[Francis Ellis]

That is fucking sick. This is. Roan. I think this has got your name.

[Harry]

Can I ask an etiquette question? Like this feels a little stolen valor. If I wear another Harvard. If I wear another college, I'm supporting the college. If I wear this. I'm saying I went there.

[Francis Ellis]

As long as you know someone.

[Roan]

Yeah, you got it.

[Francis Ellis]

And you guys know me and the blood runs through me.

[Roan]

Yeah, so that's true.

[Francis Ellis]

You know, it's like if I were a Native American and I could give you a stack of free chips at my casino.

[Roan]

Yes, exactly.

[Harry]

But is this, like, me wearing a Pearl Jam sweatshirt and somebody coming up to me being like, name some Pearl Jam songs like I won't be able to. Like I won't be able to cradle it with a Lacrosse. Harvard lacrosse.

[Francis Ellis]

If someone came up to you and said, prove how you are connected to that team, you'd say, Francis Ellis. I would do a podcast and sit next to Francis ellis. Class of 2011. Two goals against Princeton. Fresh season in Harvard freshman season. Stadium. Stadium against Alex Hewitt.

[Roan]

First team already walked away because they're like, oh, that checks out.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. They'd be like, say less. Yeah, I'm sorry I asked. Forgive me. That's what they'd say.

[Harry]

I think people are going to be assuming that I'm saying that I went there.

[Roan]

No, no, no. Harvard gear. Well, I guess it's a little different for you because you went to state.

[Harry]

You still have the chance that you might go to Harvard.

[Roan]

I might still go to Harvard.

[Francis Ellis]

Look at these sweats.

[Harry]

Oh my God, those are nice.

[Francis Ellis]

These are fucking dope.

[Roan]

I can't wait to just get loose at the gym and head to toe Harvard here.

[Francis Ellis]

You know why I'm, you know why I'm even mad to even give you anything?

[Roan]

I'm. This is the literally the best thing

[Francis Ellis]

I could have gotten because I gave you a sweater.

[Roan]

Maybe like 90.

[Francis Ellis]

January, early January.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And you haven't worn it one time. And Roan gave you a.

[Roan]

Correct.

[Francis Ellis]

He gave you a free sweatshirt from a brand we've never even heard of, Stafford, and you have not stopped wearing it. It's. We haven't done an episode without you in that sweatshirt.

[Roan]

You know what's funny is yesterday I got home from my weekend and I was like, I'm going to play some video games. I got home around one and I, I got home, you know, changed, got out of the shower, tossed on another sweatshirt and I sat down and I went back and got the Stafford sweatshirt and put it back on as I was like, for some reason. It's just, it's just the perfect. It fits so well.

[Francis Ellis]

I mean, it's not me.

[Harry]

It's not.

[Francis Ellis]

Do you have his measurements or something?

[Roan]

I mean, I've said like the, like a good fitting sweatshirt. Like that's the thing. It's like, it's just. It's so good. It's so good fitting.

[Francis Ellis]

All right. We. I mean, this is truly a treasure truck.

[Harry]

This is.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And this is Nike. You think?

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, how dope is that?

[Harry]

Oh, oh, wait. So we both. Oh, wow.

[Francis Ellis]

Hooded. Hooded. Full zip. These are. That's 135 bones right there.

[Harry]

Oh my God.

[Roan]

That's all you. I think Wait a minute, Wait a

[Francis Ellis]

minute, Wait a minute.

[Harry]

Oh.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, that's.

[Roan]

That's dangerous.

[Francis Ellis]

That's the one that Rowan's got.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's dangerous.

[Francis Ellis]

So this is dangerous. This is going to be for Harry.

[Harry]

That's dangerous.

[Francis Ellis]

But, Harry, if you don't wear these, I'm going to come over to your home.

[Harry]

He's not going to wear them, and

[Francis Ellis]

I'm going to break in and I'm going to take it from you.

[Roan]

No, this is like. Yeah, put it on this. You put yours on. Liar, liar.

[Francis Ellis]

If I don't see you wearing one of these pieces over the next two, you know, where you.

[Roan]

The post office today, you need to

[Francis Ellis]

wear it on the. On the pod.

[Roan]

But the Duxbury logo might do more. What's more powerful?

[Harry]

You need the double Breastbury Golf, the Harvard, and the lacrosse.

[Francis Ellis]

Look at this one.

[Harry]

Wait, what does that say on the back?

[Roan]

That's the one that I got.

[Harry]

Does that say Ivy?

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, embroidered.

[Roan]

They should have that on the front.

[Francis Ellis]

Let them know, boys. Let them know. This stuff is fucking sharp. Coach Burn.

[Roan]

DePaul's gonna send a little, you know, care package over later.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, who's. Who's their brand of choice? Asics. What's their GE Champion Basics. Nice.

[Harry]

That's probably, like, who can I disparage? It's like Anta, the Chinese brand.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

DePaul actually had some really good gear in there in their pro shop.

[Harry]

If you guys. If I got some Penn State gear, would you guys wear it?

[Roan]

I literally will wear anything that fits me.

[Harry]

You would wear Penn State. I feel like you wearing another school.

[Francis Ellis]

You're like, I can't wear Penn State. I've got what they did.

[Roan]

I mean, I've got so many different college sweatshirts, and I'll wear any of them.

[Francis Ellis]

All right. I want you guys to. You guys can choose. I mean, I. I. You know, what do you. What would you. What do you like? Roan, what would you like? Everyone gets to choose. I'll take last.

[Harry]

I've been jogging. I've been jogging more often, so something that's maybe jogging. I mean, I like this one.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, that one's pretty cool.

[Harry]

This is really cool.

[Francis Ellis]

These are cool large.

[Roan]

So I feel like. I mean, I'll wear both of these.

[Francis Ellis]

Everything's a large. That's the whole thing. All the way across. All large.

[Harry]

Yeah. This. This got me written all over. Thank you, Francis.

[Francis Ellis]

No, thanks. Coach Byrne and Harvard Lacrosse. Shout out, Coach Work.

[Harry]

Yeah, but you could have hoarded this. You could have hoarded it at all.

[Roan]

I would have.

[Francis Ellis]

If I learned anything at Harvard, it's to share.

[Roan]

Yeah, of course.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That's the Harvard way.

[Francis Ellis]

You gotta share.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

You know?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

The song. That fight song was 10,000 Men of Harvard.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

I'll tell you what. When you share something 10,000 ways, it gets real small.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

You run out quick.

[Harry]

Yeah. There's barely any rations. Being a man.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. Yeah. That's it. So that's tough.

[Harry]

I watched a video on how to cook. Cut a birthday cake, a circular birthday cake, into 60s, into 60s, and it's hard. I mean, that's the Harvard hard.

[Francis Ellis]

You got to use that Japanese knife you got.

[Harry]

Honestly, it's like they. It's like little triangles that it winds up in.

[Francis Ellis]

It's cutting a cake the way that you cut sashimi.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Or like, peeling garlic with it. Just like a really narrow slice of cake. So thin you could see through it.

[Roan]

Wait, at Harvard, is there, like. Is there, like, a code? Is there, like, an honor code? Like. Yeah, so, like, an honor code, like, when you get. Well brought in, they're like, these are the rules.

[Francis Ellis]

The assumption is. And they talk about it. The. The logo or the slogan for the school is Veritas, which means truth. And I think I remember.

[Roan]

Is that, like, Latin, German. Latin sounded a little German. No, no, Toss.

[Harry]

I think German. German is not even a romance language. Doesn't even come from Latin.

[Roan]

True, true.

[Harry]

Come on, bro. Yeah, you sound dumb.

[Francis Ellis]

You sound dumb.

[Roan]

I don't know the origins of languages like you do, bro.

[Harry]

Yeah, bro, I'm willing to say that. And that's.

[Roan]

Willing to admit that I learned that I dropped out.

[Harry]

Yeah. And so what's the implication? That when you go, you learn a little bit of Veritas. You always tell the Veritas.

[Francis Ellis]

I think it's. I think it's just, you know, don't lie, don't cheat. There were all kinds of sort of interesting rules. I remember where there was something like in your freshman year, if. If one of your roommates killed him or herself, then you got automatic A's for that whole semester.

[Roan]

That's not bad.

[Francis Ellis]

So I would actually, like, talk to my roommate. Yeah. Dude, I don't know if it's worth going on.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

I don't think things are.

[Roan]

What are we even doing?

[Francis Ellis]

I was not doing that well in math xa. And I was like, you know, I could use this. There's actually something noble in taking it into your own hands.

[Roan]

Yeah. You know, we're both gonna fail out anyway.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Also, he had Bottom bunk and.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, it got annoying.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Having to climb up.

[Francis Ellis]

There were times where I was like, you know, you could always have another. Another dose of those.

[Harry]

Did you have.

[Roan]

You had a bunk bed.

[Francis Ellis]

Say again?

[Roan]

You had a bunk bed.

[Francis Ellis]

We had bunks the first semester, and then we traded. We had a quad, and there were two bedrooms and one of the bedrooms, you could unbunk the beds.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And then the other one, you couldn't. And my roommate's name was Romeo. Oh, wow. Yeah. And Romeo Black. Yeah. Yeah.

[Roan]

Haven't we talked? Haven't we met him?

[Francis Ellis]

We. He's the one who. He did Oops. With us. He's on.

[Roan]

He's on, like, a dating show.

[Francis Ellis]

He was on the Bachelor. Yeah. And then Bachelor in Paradise.

[Roan]

Yeah. And he got mad because you said he was cranking down.

[Francis Ellis]

He said. He said I was cranking down.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

You said he walked in on me a cranking down, and I was like, there's no way that that happened.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah. He got mad at you.

[Harry]

Is his brother Romeo?

[Roan]

I got Romeo.

[Francis Ellis]

I got mad at him.

[Harry]

Why are you.

[Francis Ellis]

Handsome guy. Really handsome guy, cut up. I really liked his body.

[Harry]

But you did. But you didn't crank down.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, I certainly did, but I. I don't remember him ever walking. I would have remember walking in on me and I don't remember that happening.

[Roan]

Maybe it was one where, like, he walked in on you and you thought he didn't notice, so then you kind of just.

[Francis Ellis]

That's kind of what he claimed. And I was like, no, we would have made this a thing.

[Roan]

I feel like you probably just didn't register it in your. In your, like, you probably in your head. You were like, whatever, I got away with it.

[Francis Ellis]

You really want this to be true, don't you?

[Roan]

No, but it's not like that. Stop taking Romeo of a thing.

[Francis Ellis]

No, I know. I know that. But, yeah, I don't remember it happened.

[Roan]

I mean, I'm looking at Romeo. That guy's never told a lie in his life.

[Harry]

Veritas.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. You're not wrong.

[Roan]

That's a man of honor.

[Francis Ellis]

He went to Stuyvesant and finished towards the top of his class. Do you guys know Stuyvesant?

[Harry]

It's like, the best high school in the city.

[Francis Ellis]

They say. They say it's the best high school, public high school in the country, but only because of how hard it is. It's insane how hard it is.

[Harry]

Yes. Like very. A small amount of or like barely anyone gets in. I know.

[Roan]

My.

[Harry]

My dad couldn't get in like he went to a public high school.

[Francis Ellis]

Yes.

[Roan]

Don't you have to accept everybody?

[Francis Ellis]

In a public high school are eight specialized high schools in New York City for which you have to take a placement test called the shsat, the Specialized High Schools Admissions Test. It's a much more logic based test than like the ssat, which you would apply for. Yeah. For like boarding schools.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And it's an interesting test. And 76% of Stuyvesant, it's a school of like 4,000 plus kids. 76% is Asian or Asian American.

[Harry]

But Iron Solomon, one of the best battle rappers ever went there.

[Roan]

Really?

[Harry]

And he's Jewish.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. Then it's like 25% white and then 1% other. So that 1% is like Indian, Pakistani, Arab, black, Romeo, Romeo. So you could argue it's one of the least diverse schools, but Romeo crushed it there.

[Roan]

I was in the least diverse city in the country this weekend, personally.

[Harry]

Why are you trying to play divert?

[Francis Ellis]

Excuse me, Detroit?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

That cannot possibly.

[Roan]

We've had this conversation, like, I think eight times on the podcast.

[Harry]

It sounds familiar.

[Roan]

Yeah. And every time you guys say.

[Harry]

I don't say it's it like.

[Roan]

I know what you mean. Like, it's not.

[Francis Ellis]

Wait, don't, don't do it that way. Google, what is the least diverse city in the country? Parkersburg, West Virginia.

[Roan]

And where does Detroit come up? It's up. I know it's up there. It's. It's got to be like, top three.

[Francis Ellis]

This is where if you start asking Google leading questions like this. Oh, you mean it. It's predominantly black. That's what you meant?

[Roan]

Yes.

[Francis Ellis]

So not diverse in that.

[Roan]

Okay, that's not. That's what diverse did. You have a different definition of diverse? It's only diverse if it's of diverse. Not white people. Yeah, it's not a very diverse city. 80% black or African American.

[Harry]

Were your shows diverse for the population of Detroit?

[Roan]

Oh, extremely, extremely. Maybe the most diverse thing happening in the city.

[Harry]

You were like a counterculture of like a bunch of white people watching a white dude do comedy. Yeah, I like that.

[Roan]

There was a.

[Francis Ellis]

Cause there was a show.

[Roan]

There was a show happening directly next door to our show, like across the street at the arena called the they Them Ones tour. We themselves. We Them Ones. We Them Ones Tour. It was like D.C. young, fly, and like a bunch of black comics.

[Harry]

I mean, I'm so sad to say that. That must have been so much more fun.

[Roan]

People were probably. I mean, it was probably unreal.

[Harry]

Just heard Them scream laughing from across the street.

[Francis Ellis]

What a. What a fucking lineup, dude.

[Harry]

Who is it?

[Roan]

Sane?

[Francis Ellis]

It's Mike Epps.

[Harry]

Oh.

[Francis Ellis]

Chico Bean, D.C. young, fly Mojo Brooks, Twosies. Don't forget Ty Kirk, J Ski. Not to be confused with Roberts Off Green.

[Harry]

Wow.

[Roan]

Stack show.

[Harry]

That's stacked. I mean, that's a night. Why would anybody go to your.

[Roan]

I guess if we them ones was sold out, maybe.

[Harry]

Or maybe it was like people outside be like live comedy.

[Roan]

It's a long lineup.

[Harry]

Want to see DC Young, but I bet like the DC or the 85 south dudes all going together.

[Roan]

Probably. Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

They're performing at Smoothie King in New Orleans. Oh, the arena. The Smoothie King arena.

[Harry]

Oh, you thought a storefront of Smoothie King.

[Francis Ellis]

I was like, wow, that's a pop up. That's cool.

[Harry]

Yeah, When I saw people performing at the PNC in Pittsburgh, I thought it was just at the bank, not the baseball stadium. It's not though, which is crazy.

[Roan]

You're just waiting outside the bank.

[Harry]

Were your dorm rooms at Harvard old school, like. Like Harry Potter looking like stone building.

[Francis Ellis]

Yes, they were brick buildings in Harvard Yard. But you know, it wasn't nice inside because it's old. It's just old. It's very, very basic.

[Harry]

Yeah, I hate that.

[Roan]

What about Penn State?

[Harry]

Oh, it was super old, but it was also, I think it's like the most densely populated, like quarter mile stretch of America. Or like the way that it's like everybody's packed in two to a room like fucking Japanese cattle.

[Roan]

I feel like anyone that goes to a big college says that about their college. You know, it's actually the most densely populated non city.

[Harry]

Yeah. And they're like. And there's laxatives in the eggs at the dining hall.

[Roan]

Yeah, everyone that was to UMass said the same thing. They all say that. Densely populated how?

[Harry]

Yeah, let's get a stack chat on that just to see if I'm.

[Roan]

We do a little population density Google.

[Harry]

Were you on. Was that clip of you on Joe Rogan this week? People keep on messaging me.

[Roan]

No, I mean, it's funny that people keep on sending it to me, but it's like not something even worth talking about.

[Francis Ellis]

Like this happened to me too.

[Roan]

They were, they.

[Francis Ellis]

They were.

[Roan]

They were watching a YouTube short and you know when it like starts and then you want to restart it? They scrolled down and went back up and when they scrolled down, it was a clip from Boydead.

[Harry]

Got it.

[Roan]

So it was this. It was this.

[Harry]

Whose algo was that?

[Francis Ellis]

Probably Jamie's legend, Jordan Jensen once referenced me on the Rogan podcast and then realized she was talking about the wrong person.

[Roan]

Jason Ellis. I remember that.

[Harry]

That was great.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. And she was like, no. Francis Ellis eats weird things at a desk. You say that, and Joe wasn't like, wait, what do you mean? Who's that?

[Harry]

Wait, that sounds hilarious.

[Francis Ellis]

Who's that you're conflating with? Jason Ellis.

[Harry]

A better Ellis.

[Francis Ellis]

A.

[Harry]

A legend in the making. Pennsylvania City's by pop. I don't know. So. So you got no love off of it, Because a lot of people were trying to. Yeah. Send me the screenshot.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah. Not a lot of gas off of it, unfortunately.

[Francis Ellis]

I think the bottom line is, Harry, that we are knocking on the door.

[Harry]

You guys are right there.

[Francis Ellis]

We are knocking on the door.

[Roan]

You're knocking on the door. No, I still got a couple doors to go through until I get to that door.

[Harry]

You're, like, in the funhouse, where there's, like, five different doors.

[Francis Ellis]

Okay.

[Harry]

This could be the door.

[Roan]

I've been reset back to the original door eight times.

[Harry]

Do not pass. Go back to the first door. You are knocking on the door. Francis.

[Roan]

Yeah. Francis will be on Rogue.

[Harry]

And where's Romeo at? You know what I mean?

[Francis Ellis]

Romeo left the game, dude. I'll tell you. He.

[Harry]

He's off the grid.

[Francis Ellis]

He met someone, and they got married, and now they've had a kid.

[Harry]

Juliet.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm sorry?

[Harry]

Nothing.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Nice.

[Harry]

Not really.

[Roan]

Classic. Classic.

[Harry]

Pretty. Pretty bad.

[Francis Ellis]

I don't mind.

[Harry]

I learned this week that wherefore art thou, Romeo? Doesn't mean, where is Romeo? It means, why are you Romeo? Why are you. Yeah, why are you born of that family?

[Roan]

How did you not know that?

[Harry]

Because where is in the word.

[Roan]

Isn't that supposed to be your whole thing?

[Harry]

Yes, and that's why it's embarrassing.

[Roan]

No, I'm kidding. Kidding. I didn't know that.

[Harry]

Yeah, I know.

[Francis Ellis]

Deny thy father and refuse thy name, or if thou will not, swear and I'll be a Capulet.

[Roan]

I don't know. That. That didn't make any sense.

[Harry]

Capulets, Montagues.

[Francis Ellis]

She says she'll change her name.

[Harry]

Hatfields, McCoys. Come on, bro.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

True, true, true, true. Yeah.

[Harry]

All right.

[Roan]

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[Harry]

That's why I love mart. I mean the, the testosterone that you get from Mars really is the absolute best.

[Roan]

Exactly.

[Harry]

You have to get it. I mean that, that's a heck of a deal. And that's why men go to Mars.

[Roan]

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[Harry]

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[Francis Ellis]

I just want to add really quickly that DraftKings is now available in Arkansas.

[Harry]

Oh, that's huge.

[Francis Ellis]

Home of the Razorbacks. Coach Calipari.

[Harry]

Yes. Acuff that they have that stud who is a freshman of the year and the SEC player of the year.

[Francis Ellis]

I got my eye on the backs.

[Harry]

You've got to have your eye on the backs.

[Francis Ellis]

And when, when you throw it, when you like when you see them play, you're like, boy, these, these back shots, the big backs are deep and they are going in well.

[Harry]

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[Francis Ellis]

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[Harry]

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[Francis Ellis]

For additional terms and responsible gaming resources,

[Harry]

see sportsbook.draftkings.com promos Limited time offer.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, my God. So I took a. Actually, you know what? Never mind.

[Roan]

Well, you want to talk about your red eye?

[Francis Ellis]

No. I had a funny thing about it, but I remembered that I. I've been diverting attention to myself too often.

[Harry]

Well, we. This. That was a kind of lull in the conversation.

[Roan]

Start. Yeah, that's when we needed.

[Harry]

We needed a hot hand off the bench and come put us put up 30.

[Francis Ellis]

You guys play some good ball and I am going to watch.

[Harry]

Don't do that to us.

[Francis Ellis]

Tell us about your passport bureaucracy.

[Roan]

Well, the passport shit is not even like. It's just pretty much I've been trying to get my new passport for the last year. Well, not. I mean, I can't really say that. It's not like I've been actively trying. I tried a year ago, gave up because it was too complicated, and now here we are again. But I think I'm finally in the right place and I have to go to the meeting after this. And I was telling Francis, I, I. No part of me thinks that I'm gonna go in and leave. Being like, that went well.

[Harry]

No, it doesn't. That's not gonna happen.

[Roan]

Yeah. I think I'm gonna leave and they're gonna be like, you're just not. You're just like.

[Francis Ellis]

In fact, you're not even a citizen anymore.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

In fact, on the way out, you're gonna see a guy in a baklava or whatever the they're called.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And he will escort you to a cage where you will not see your family again.

[Roan]

That's literally.

[Francis Ellis]

Enjoy a work camp in Hondur.

[Roan]

Every time I've had to call them like 10 times, they're giving me different information, the price changes. I called them this morning. They told me when the passport would get there.

[Francis Ellis]

That's just.

[Roan]

It's just after. After when I'm supposed to be there already. And I was like, well, then we. I can't do that. So then I had to spend more money to expedite it even more. But they told me to wait until this time, which is what I didn't want to do because I didn't want to have to be, like, running around stressing out about It. And then here we are.

[Harry]

Are.

[Francis Ellis]

Do you think that there's any chance on earth that the way that Harry has done this was the shortest path to success?

[Harry]

No way. I told you about other ways to do it. I told you about a guy that I had that would expedite it within seven days for you. A guy that I could just direct

[Roan]

you to seven days. First of all, that guy sucks at his job because there's people that are offering 24 hour turnarounds.

[Harry]

Okay, then do that.

[Roan]

So save your seven days.

[Harry]

Well, you're proving that you know that there's another way to do that.

[Roan]

This, this is the way. I've had like 20.

[Francis Ellis]

No way.

[Roan]

Reach out.

[Harry]

I've had like 20 people try to

[Roan]

be like, oh, no, you don't. What do you mean you're going into the post office.

[Francis Ellis]

You got a meeting. You had a meeting.

[Roan]

If you lose your passport, you have to go in. There's no way around it. You have to go in.

[Francis Ellis]

But you've got a checklist.

[Roan]

Yes. Provided by the expedited company that I'm using. You said that you FedEx.

[Francis Ellis]

You said you needed your official birth certificate, your Social Security card. I don't think there's a.

[Roan]

Again, like, you gotta, like, like my parents have to fly in.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. You're taking blood tests for this. You're proving lineage for five direct generations.

[Harry]

He has to do one of those racist voting tests that they gave. There's like how many bubbles in a bar of soap?

[Francis Ellis]

They're checking the back of your mouth.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

The way they did on Ellis Island.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

Any diseases here?

[Roan]

The biggest thing is I still got to take the photo at the, at

[Harry]

the post office in the north face hat. You actually should wear the, the Harvard.

[Roan]

I know, right?

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, that'd be cool. Do that, do that for us. I'll do it.

[Harry]

That'd be so smart.

[Roan]

You have to be a tough photo. My hair's long.

[Harry]

Yeah, I know that. That is matted down from the, from the face.

[Roan]

Yeah, it's gotta.

[Harry]

I think you just gotta slip into something. Maybe like a small wig or something like that.

[Roan]

Yeah, it's not a bad idea.

[Harry]

Nobody would know.

[Roan]

That's pretty illegal though, though, wearing a wig. It's your passport photo.

[Francis Ellis]

You think so?

[Harry]

What about women that wear wig?

[Roan]

What about like prison old lady that wears a wig? No, they make you. They say in the thing, they say no hats, glasses, wigs.

[Harry]

But like if you're 85 years old and you have like a little blue haired wig, or else you have to show up bald the way you never show up in real life.

[Roan]

They're showing up bald.

[Francis Ellis]

What about a Hasidic wife?

[Harry]

What about the Hasidic wife? You haven't thought of this?

[Roan]

I don't know.

[Francis Ellis]

I'll tell you what. Maybe they have their own passport.

[Roan]

They probably have their own passport office.

[Harry]

Yeah, they definitely do. Tunnel, and you should be going there.

[Francis Ellis]

Tunnels.

[Roan]

I know, I should be going there.

[Harry]

You should be tunneling.

[Francis Ellis]

Go to Williamsburg. They'll print you one.

[Harry]

There's, like, a name. What? What is the. There's like a name of the tunnels or something like that. I saw, like, a video of a dude asking people in, like, Time Square acidic dudes about the tunnels. And, like, when he said the name, there's like, a specific.

[Roan]

Oh, people would like their heads been turned.

[Harry]

Yeah. Do you see those?

[Roan]

No, No, I haven't.

[Harry]

Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Roan]

No, I have no clue.

[Francis Ellis]

No, I don't think it's. Is it. It's the. You're gonna want the Hasidic tunnels.

[Harry]

There's like a Hasidic term. Times Square tunnels. Yeah, that's not. That's not pacific enough.

[Francis Ellis]

I. Speaking of.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah, Shabbat.

[Francis Ellis]

Shabbat Lubovitch World headquarters. Oh, that's.

[Roan]

It's the world headquarters is what? The tunnels? Yeah, dude, there's an address for the tunnels,

[Harry]

like platform seven and three quarters.

[Roan]

Shimmy through this fucking storm. Storm drain. Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

There's a guy at my gym who is, I think, his Hasidic, and he has the earlocks, but he works out without any sort of head covering, yarmulke, hat, anything.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And I have really thought about going up to him and being. And just saying, forgive me, I'm curious, but culturally, how is it that you're allowed to have your head uncovered right now? Is that because you're working out? Is there something I'm going to say?

[Roan]

Just immediately don't do that. Why do I. I just don't do that.

[Francis Ellis]

Why?

[Roan]

That's a crazy thing to say.

[Harry]

I don't think it is. You're just a little curious. Your. You can't go up to someone at

[Roan]

the gym and be like, hey, I'm just wondering, where is. Where's the hat?

[Francis Ellis]

If I went with a smile on my face and said, hey, I'm a big fan of your people. Yeah, I'm actually gonna go rotate through a couture of duty. A Torah in. I'm making. Yes. Ron's very good at the jokes. No, I like.

[Roan]

I don't think. I don't think you can ask. I don't think that's a good idea.

[Harry]

But I bet the things that they wrap around their forearms do make them look pretty jacked. Do you know what I'm talking about? Those like, things that you wrap. What are those called? Arm wraps? No, but it's like a religious thing.

[Francis Ellis]

Are they called greaves?

[Harry]

I don't know. It's like, huh. Teflon.

[Francis Ellis]

Teflon?

[Harry]

Yeah, the Teflon ripping, like the bulletproof. That probably has you looking so jacked, Mac.

[Francis Ellis]

Did you just know that or. That's pretty good ball that you got. That's good ball knowledge.

[Harry]

Yeah, Teflon this. Wow, that looks sick. It looks like you're in like, Roy.

[Roan]

Yeah, I'd love to get a tan in that.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, I'd like to.

[Roan]

With fucking zebra stripes all day.

[Francis Ellis]

I'd enjoy some bondage.

[Harry]

Yeah, that would be nice. Or like on the. When the Victoria's Secret models wear like just tape bathing suits.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

I wonder if there's like just Teflon.

[Roan]

So is that related to Teflon or.

[Francis Ellis]

No.

[Roan]

Is that the same.

[Harry]

Different word, different word.

[Roan]

Teflon. Teflon. Time for some action.

[Francis Ellis]

Are they punishing themselves with that on? Is that sort of one of those.

[Roan]

It kind of looks like it a little bit.

[Francis Ellis]

Flagellating devices or whatever.

[Harry]

I don't know. It's just symbolic of the binding heart, mind and action to God's service.

[Roan]

Maybe it makes like. So you can feel your pulse more.

[Francis Ellis]

Boy, I'll tell you, this new technology we have of the screen, we're just

[Harry]

gonna be reading along with.

[Francis Ellis]

We're learning so much. It's nice though. We're not. You know, before we would get things wrong every time and sit in it,

[Harry]

we would just marinate and we would

[Francis Ellis]

just say, that's the way. Here's the truth. And we'd be dead wrong.

[Roan]

Yeah, that is a nice little.

[Francis Ellis]

And now we can.

[Harry]

We're learning about Teflon lies.

[Roan]

I know.

[Harry]

Correct the record not.

[Roan]

I would have no idea what Teflon is. And now I know. I still don't think I've ever seen it though. The guy at the gym, rocking the Tefl.

[Harry]

Yeah, you gotta ask him.

[Francis Ellis]

No, he had weightlifting gloves on.

[Roan]

Oh, so this is the. This guy's the real deal.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm making that up. He didn't. He's. He's there all the time, though. And I think I will ask him. I don't think.

[Harry]

Good luck.

[Roan]

Just. I'm not saying, like, I don't think he's gonna, like, hurt you or anything like that, but I think it might be very awkward.

[Francis Ellis]

Let me ask you. Just put yourself in his pointed shoes.

[Roan]

I'm not a hidic Jew.

[Francis Ellis]

His curled, pointed elven shoes. Let me ask you this, right. Hello, sir. Shabbat shalom.

[Roan]

Shabbat shalom.

[Francis Ellis]

I noticed that you are here all the time and is it okay if I ask culturally?

[Roan]

What's up?

[Francis Ellis]

What? You're talking to me. You're uncurling your curls, you're straightening your curls.

[Roan]

I'm pulling my headphone out.

[Harry]

Sorry.

[Roan]

Yo, what's good?

[Harry]

Imagine sitting an earpod in one of your curls, one of your ringlets, having it perched in there.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, they say that if an airpod falls out, they can actually pick it up with the curls and then put it back in like a claw machine.

[Roan]

All right, so continue.

[Francis Ellis]

Is it okay if I ask out of curiosity? I was told that in the faith, one must keep one's head covered. And here you're not wearing a head covering or a yarmulke of any kind. Is that an exception? Is that because of the.

[Roan]

Yeah, man, I'm just trying to. I'm really just trying to finish up this workout and then I got to get back to work, so.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, you know what? You're just a dirty you. So shame on you. I thought you'd want to open my mind. I'm trying to come here with an open arm and, you know, do some cross cultural bonding. And I was ready to spot you.

[Harry]

Harvard man arrested at Equinox for a hate crime.

[Roan]

Yeah, I think. I think what it comes down to is just people don't want to be talked to at the gym.

[Francis Ellis]

Women don't want to be talked.

[Roan]

I don't think men want to be talked to either.

[Francis Ellis]

People come up to me.

[Roan]

Cause you're looking for a conversation.

[Francis Ellis]

No, I'm not.

[Roan]

Yeah, you are.

[Francis Ellis]

No, I'm not.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Headphones out. No, they're not just looking around at everybody.

[Francis Ellis]

You think that.

[Roan]

Yeah, I know it.

[Francis Ellis]

It's not true.

[Roan]

I know it.

[Francis Ellis]

When I'm in the gym, it's business. I bet it's pure business.

[Roan]

In between sets. I guarantee there's no silence, brother. Like, you don't. You don't sit down and put to open the phone when you're in between sets. You walk around, you're like, how's everyone else feeling today?

[Harry]

Let's get a clap going.

[Francis Ellis]

I brick my phone before I go into the gym. I actually do.

[Harry]

Because you don't want to get distracted by scrolling, which is smart. That's good for your workout.

[Francis Ellis]

My workouts are so much better. In fact, I did a workout recently where I had forgotten my headphones, so I just did it with no music at all. And what I learned was two things. One, I am way louder than I thought.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

I am embarrassingly and disrupt breathing and groaning. Morning. And. Yeah, I'm really not. It's bad.

[Roan]

I used to go on jogs. I used to go on jogs and I used to like, I used to like, yell while I was jogging and I didn't know, like it was like that noticeable until I was stopped at a crosswalk and this like, dude was standing next to me and he was like, you got this, bro.

[Francis Ellis]

Keep going.

[Harry]

What kind of yellow are we talking about?

[Roan]

Just like when you're strong. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes you need to let one out.

[Harry]

That helps.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And if you're at the bottom of your squat, like, you can't exert a little.

[Roan]

You gotta. Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

When you're squatting, where I make a lot of noise is when I'm doing the inverted rows. It's the. It's the rows. The. Where you're doing the push up. I don't know if it's an inverter. You got the dumbbells and you're in your push push up position and you're doing a row in a row and then a push up.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

What's that called?

[Roan]

Called a row.

[Francis Ellis]

No, there was some other term for it. They're hard.

[Roan]

That's how you would typically do a row. Well, not, obviously not in a push up form, but.

[Francis Ellis]

Right. That's what makes it hard. And you do the push Renegade. Renegade rows. That's exactly.

[Harry]

With a push badass name.

[Francis Ellis]

So you do. I'm doing 40 pound dumbbells, one on each hand, and then I'm doing sets of 10. And when you get to like seven and eight of them that you're howling at the moment, you are. You are like grieving for your daughter.

[Roan]

Yeah, I know what you.

[Francis Ellis]

You know. That's the noise.

[Harry]

Sean Pen in Mystic River.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. Is that my daughter in there? Is that my daughter, dude? Apparently I read that they had to. Or I saw that they had to give him an oxygen mask after that scene.

[Roan]

Really?

[Francis Ellis]

Because he exerted so much much that he was like passing out.

[Roan]

That's crazy.

[Francis Ellis]

From that scene. That's pretty baller.

[Harry]

He's such a good actor. Yeah. He won last night, right?

[Francis Ellis]

He did what? He went for one battle after another. Supporting.

[Harry]

Did you Watch that.

[Roan]

I didn't. One battle after another.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

Loved it.

[Harry]

I thought he did a pretty good job in that.

[Roan]

Yeah, he was really good in that.

[Francis Ellis]

Really good.

[Roan]

I didn't watch any of the Oscars though. I went to bed. I went to bed early. I was so fucking tired last night. I had a fucking shitty ass flight.

[Harry]

He had a red eye. He had a red eye.

[Roan]

The red eye.

[Harry]

He had a red eye.

[Roan]

I know we were talking, I was talking to Francis about it a little bit, but the, the. We've talked about it before but like the red eye. Unless you're in a location that specifically has like LA or Denver or Phoenix, like there's no. Like the last flights out now are at like 9pm at the latest.

[Harry]

Yeah. They don't have like the airport's not open all night.

[Roan]

No.

[Harry]

The airport closes down. Yeah.

[Roan]

They got to bring that, like shut that shit down.

[Francis Ellis]

We were at the airport, at the Denver airport at midnight and they turned the lights off.

[Roan]

That's a little odd.

[Francis Ellis]

It was spooky as hell.

[Harry]

Like night at the museum when it was fun.

[Roan]

Haunted one.

[Harry]

Oh, shit.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. Do you know the story about the blue horse?

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

With the devil and blue Lucifer is what they call it. You know the story of it?

[Harry]

Yeah, I don't.

[Francis Ellis]

So when you land at Denver, you go past this blue rearing horse sculpture.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And the story we were told is that the, the. This sculptor was building it and it fell on him and killed him.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And then his son, who was, I guess apprenticing, took over the project and hated the horse for killing his dad so much that he made it demonic. And now it has these burning red satanic eyes.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And I just thought that that was kind of an odd way to exact revenge on an inanimate object that killed your father.

[Harry]

Yeah. You don't have to have revenge on the horse. Also, they probably could have just scrapped the product.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Don't take the job.

[Roan]

Rid of the horse.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Don't take.

[Harry]

Finish this.

[Roan]

Yeah. It's not like it was like.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

It wasn't like the fucking Statue of Liberty.

[Francis Ellis]

No.

[Roan]

So I made that a random horse.

[Francis Ellis]

I made that comparison on stage. I said, so Washington Roebling started the Brooklyn Bridge.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Died while he was making it. Right before. I guess he drew up all the plans and stuff and then his son took over. And imagine if his son made the Brooklyn Bridge with like a ton of holes in it.

[Acorns Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And like just totally faulty. Like lit it on fire all the time. Just turned it into some kind of like, this is the bridge from which we hang people.

[Harry]

Why is the bridge shaped like an upside down cross? That's not very efficient.

[Roan]

It is a thing, though. There's a bunch of shit with this airport, though. It's like. There's like a bunker underneath it where they.

[Harry]

They people live in it.

[Roan]

Alien people.

[Francis Ellis]

Tired of hearing about it. I'm tired of the conspiracies behind the Denver airport. And I'm not even saying I don't believe in them. I just think, shut up about it. It's the one that everyone talks about.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And it's so tired.

[Roan]

There's way better ones out there now.

[Francis Ellis]

Exactly.

[Harry]

I hate that airport. Anyway.

[Roan]

That airport sucks.

[Harry]

It's dumb as. It's just like a big, like, pit. It's like this gladiator pit floor that you walk around and are looking down on, like, terrible. But I mean, everything I'm seeing about the New York airport is. They're. They're as well.

[Roan]

Dude, when I was flying to. I was texting you guys about it. When I was flying to Cleveland, the. There was two people doing security at LaGuardia.

[Harry]

How long was. How long was the wait?

[Roan]

Well, sky priority, so, you know, I was able to get in and out.

[Harry]

How long was the wait for sky priority?

[Roan]

Not long at all. But for everyone else, it was like.

[Harry]

Because I heard that it's hour. TSA and Clear are one hour, and then everything else is three hours. And that's from the 14 18th is what I was hearing.

[Roan]

No, my. My sky priority one was like, maybe like 15 minutes.

[Harry]

Okay. Because I'm headed there right now, bro.

[Roan]

Because the people. But the people that I was like, that were in the other line, like, there. It's all day. Because there's legitimately two. There's one thing open. It's crazy.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, it's bad.

[Roan]

They gotta fix it.

[Harry]

They're all working the border.

[Francis Ellis]

Is that all from. Is there a government shutdown happening right now?

[Roan]

It's like a partial government shutdown.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, there was nobody at the Denver airport.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And you know what I will say, though?

[Roan]

The people that were working, very friendly. And I'm wondering. I'm wondering if they're bringing out the stars.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, my God.

[Roan]

Because they're like. They're like, we're. We have to cut back. Government shut down. But we're going to. We're going to bring the A team out.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Because these people were, like, cracking jokes. Like, I'm smiling. Going through security. That's never happened.

[Francis Ellis]

I had the worst experience I've ever had at airport security going to the Dominican Republic from JFK like a week and a half ago.

[Harry]

Well, you got to the Dominican.

[Francis Ellis]

No, when I was leaving New York. So it was a huge line. And I got to the, you know, they were telling everyone, like, if you're in the pre check line, you don't, you know, make sure all your belongings, you don't have to take your shoes off, be ready, yada, yada. And I got to the front and I put. Pulled things out of my pocket and put them in the bucket. And when in doing so, my AirPods fell out of my pocket. So I'm in the front spot on the belt and this agent goes, come on, man. I don't want you breathing all over me and fumbling around with your shit. Said those words.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's on site.

[Francis Ellis]

And I go, I go, my AirPod. I'm sorry. Like, he goes, he goes. I'm like, dude, also, you chose the wrong job.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

If you don't want people close to

[Harry]

you, it's the most breathed on job.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Other than like being a dental hygienist, I guess.

[Harry]

But even then that's one at a time. You're getting breathed on by like five people a day. If you're a dental hygienist, 10 people a day. They're getting breathed on by thousands of people a day. If you don't want to get breathed on, pivot.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm trying to think of what job has the most exhale.

[Roan]

Maybe like a gym.

[Harry]

Huh?

[Roan]

If you work at a gym that's

[Harry]

up there, they're not like coming across you. It's got to be someone that works at like salad works or something like that.

[Roan]

Just people coming, particularly small gyms.

[Francis Ellis]

Him. Yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe like a, A breathalyzer cop. No,

[Roan]

that's a thing.

[Harry]

That's probably why they put the bulletproof glass at the post office, cuz. Stinky ass breath.

[Francis Ellis]

Do you think that there's like somebody who teaches people how to like exhale. Extinguish candles?

[Harry]

Yeah, that, that. The Yankee Candle Candle exhaler.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, yeah. Like, you know what it would be? I got it. This is the answer. It's someone who works at like a DC Discovery Zone or a Chuck E. Cheese who brings the birthday cake into the children.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And then they're blowing it all day long.

[Roan]

You gotta wear like a hazmat suit for that job.

[Francis Ellis]

Correct. Yeah.

[Harry]

People are bringing in the super hot pizza too, which is getting a whole different round of.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Teachers and office Workers. That's us Office workers.

[Harry]

Holy. I didn't realize this applies to us. So many bacteria.

[Francis Ellis]

Alligator farmers.

[Harry]

Alligator farmers are really up there too. I guess they are getting breathed on a lot.

[Roan]

Did you say anything to the guy at the airport? Like, go yourself.

[Francis Ellis]

What are you gonna say? He's the guy.

[Roan]

I don't like that. The one place I don't. I don't take disrespect is the airport.

[Francis Ellis]

Come on.

[Roan]

If he said something like that, I'm saying something right back. Oh, well, that's happened before.

[Francis Ellis]

Have fun getting to your destination.

[Roan]

I will.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

You've been randomly selected. Now we're gonna see if you have a. Wow. Looks like you've been really trying to get your passport.

[Roan]

Those guys have no say over anything.

[Francis Ellis]

What do you.

[Harry]

It's going to be the same thing, Francis.

[Roan]

That dude in the head. And you'd be boarding your flight 15 minutes later.

[Francis Ellis]

You know you're saying something right now that doesn't hold water.

[Harry]

That's the power tripping people of all time. They're the people. And they'll send you to the guy in. In the baklava.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

The guy wearing the dessert on his face and send you the alligator Alcatraz sticky wet date. Yeah. Date dessert on his face.

[Francis Ellis]

They rotate those TSA agen out with the guys who are telling traffic to keep going at the car pickup at jfk.

[Roan]

Those guys are hot.

[Francis Ellis]

They swap them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

Keep them angry.

[Harry]

It's like the, the stationary bike at the NBA bench. They just, you know, there's got to

[Roan]

be some sort of study, like backing that up. Like, like the, the. If the TSA agents are angry, like it moved. The line moves like 10 times faster. Like something like that.

[Harry]

Well, you just said it was the nice people that, that you said it

[Roan]

was the 18 lying around the door.

[Harry]

Okay.

[Roan]

Lying around the block.

[Harry]

Fair enough. I'm with you, though. I wouldn't. There's no way I'm going back at the guy.

[Francis Ellis]

No.

[Harry]

In that circumstance, I would have thrown a Relax, relax.

[Roan]

I hit the. I hit that with one of the guys outside at the Uber thing.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, that's a totally different.

[Roan]

Yeah. Little thing because that's when you're exiting.

[Francis Ellis]

You're not gonna lose.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's like your last words.

[Francis Ellis]

You're not gonna be put on a no fly list by a guy who's like, keep it moving.

[Roan]

Yeah, I hit him with a relax. And then he was yelling at me as I was getting in the car. And then the Uber driver started yelling at him.

[Francis Ellis]

Him.

[Roan]

And I was like, I was like, you can just go, that guy's crazy. And then we both laughed.

[Francis Ellis]

That's pretty good.

[Harry]

It's nice to team up with your Uber.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

That's so nice to know you're on the same team.

[Roan]

They don't, I mean, they don't want. They don't want to even let you get in the car. Like, they, they, they. In their ideal world, like, the car, like, sort of slows down, and then you just, like, jump onto the side and just hang on.

[Harry]

Like a helicopter. Vietnam. Yeah. 20 people in the same car.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, I haven't seen you guys. We haven't. I haven't done an episode with just the two of you in. In a long time.

[Roan]

Not really.

[Francis Ellis]

And I'm so happy.

[Roan]

Last week, right?

[Harry]

Two weeks ago, really?

[Roan]

We didn't do one last.

[Harry]

Do one last Monday. And then after that, we had some. Some guests in. We have another banked guest episode. Yeah, But I miss you too, brother.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, I've been missing this. I miss our dynamic. I miss talking to you guys.

[Harry]

Tampon talk.

[Francis Ellis]

I've had unbelievably compelling things happen to me that I would love. I wish I could share with you guys.

[Harry]

Why can't you?

[Francis Ellis]

Well, because people get mad when I talk too much.

[Harry]

See, I, I would like you to talk.

[Francis Ellis]

I can't share. Share.

[Harry]

Even when earlier, when you pivoted to Harry and you were like, harry, tell us about your, your post office. You should have just been like, no, tell your story.

[Francis Ellis]

Of course.

[Roan]

And I'm in the. I'm on the same page, brother.

[Harry]

Now take a tampon.

[Roan]

Take a tea.

[Harry]

What happened to you?

[Francis Ellis]

I, I, I, I try to heed the feedback.

[Roan]

Just.

[Harry]

What.

[Roan]

What happened? Just say it.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm. I'm. I'm a chef who, you know, when people say, sir, this is too salty. This is too much. You've had too much. I say, okay, I'll.

[Harry]

No, you got to be the kind of chef who's like, this is how the kitchen makes it. We do this for 500 years. Fucking snap at them. Be like, this is how this. This is made. That's the recipe of the dish. If you don't like the recipe of the dish, eat somewhere else.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, that's what I would have thought once upon a time.

[Roan]

I'll tell. I'll tell a story. If you're not gonna say anything, please. I got.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm glad.

[Roan]

When I was in Detroit, so we talked about the least diverse city in the country and which it isn't but we talked about that. It is, it is interesting, though, like, when you're there, like, so we stayed at this hotel right downtown town. And like, we were literally, like, we were the only white people at the hotel. Like, it was, it was by the casino. No, this is in Detroit.

[Harry]

Yeah, there's a casino in the middle of Detroit.

[Roan]

Oh, no, I didn't see it. I only saw the hotel in the club.

[Harry]

Got it.

[Roan]

So I, I, I think it was the last night of the shows. We finished the show. It was 6pm and 8:30. Were the shows really fun shows, Great shows. We were done at like, 10:10 and go back to the hotel. I had to, like, get some food and what and whatnot. And I, and I, I, I, like, I, I got, I got food delivered, went downstairs. Hotel's a, like, mad house. Like, music's blasting everywhere. People are posting up, taking photos everywhere. And I was walking around and I was like, it is kind of like, funny being like, the only white person here. Like, it's like every, Like, I'm walking around, I got my, yeah, you're living my dream. I got my golf shirt on and everything. Like, everyone's looking at me everywhere I go. And then I'm waiting for the elevator, and I was like, cracking up. I'm like, it is like, I was like, this is crazy. Like, it's like I'm literally the only white person here. And then the elevator opens and it's a white blade. It's two white people. A lady, like a mom, probably, like in her, like, 50s, 60s maybe. And then like, her daughter who's like an adult. And I was like, oh, that's funny. I was like, right as I was saying that, and then I just hear the mom go, and that's why you should never have kids. And then they close the door and go back up. And I just, just stood there. And I was like, so those are, those are the only other white people that are staying in this hotel?

[Francis Ellis]

What the.

[Roan]

Like, they were both, like, tears flying down their face. Scream, crying.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, no.

[Roan]

Total blood.

[Harry]

What's your guess of what happened? What, did the younger one have kids

[Roan]

and sounds like not.

[Francis Ellis]

No. I think what would have happened there is that the mom said, my greatest regret in life is you.

[Roan]

Yeah, probably something like that.

[Francis Ellis]

And then, and then she was like, well, I've done my best to honor.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

What you sacrificed for us as a single mom. And she said, well, it wasn't enough. It fell short. And that's why you should.

[Roan]

Exactly.

[Harry]

You should have chased her down you should have been like, you're making us look bad.

[Roan]

I heard them going back up, still yelling.

[Harry]

You're giving a black eye to the white community. We're supposed to have functional families.

[Francis Ellis]

We're supposed to have kids.

[Roan]

No, but then.

[Francis Ellis]

So.

[Roan]

So me and Mook are. The whole weekend, we were talking about it. We were, like, cracking up about it. And then the last night, like, we're. Mook got food too. And he's texting me, and he's like, I went crazy with the food. And I was like, what'd you get? And he's like, I gotta stay steak. And I was like, that is crazy. Right? And then his steak comes, and it's not. It's like he got, like, a plate. Like a. Like, like Mac and cheese. Like, there was. It was not a steak. It was like. It was like soul food.

[Francis Ellis]

What are you from the hotel?

[Roan]

No, from, like, UberEats.

[Harry]

Oh. It was just like a full.

[Francis Ellis]

Like.

[Roan]

I'll show you the photo. I'll show you the photo.

[Harry]

When Doc Nowitzki walks into the. Off the tunnel with the mavericks, he just has, like, a plate of food that his wife makes menu.

[Roan]

It's like, Let me show you the

[Francis Ellis]

tin foil over the top.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah, I'll text it to you.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, we'll get it. We'll get it here. We'll get that up the plate.

[Roan]

He ordered a steak, like, in his head, he's getting, like, a New York strip, and this is what he got.

[Francis Ellis]

Styrofoam. Yeah.

[Harry]

What's the meat?

[Francis Ellis]

An aid meal.

[Harry]

Oh, I mean, that's probably delicious.

[Roan]

He said it was incredible.

[Harry]

They probably charged by the pound.

[Roan]

Definitely.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

He said it was called. It was called, like, Jay's Spot or some. Like, we were like. I think it might have just been some dude just, like, giving leftovers out.

[Harry]

It was just D.C. young five.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

Whatever they had on their rider. What was the name of the comedy show?

[Roan]

The We Them Ones.

[Harry]

The We Them Ones show Leftovers. The green room. Leftovers from We Then want. We Them Ones definitely was absolutely roasting some fat security guard who's standing in the front row.

[Roan]

Absolutely.

[Harry]

That's all they do.

[Roan]

Howling. Yeah, it's probably a great show.

[Francis Ellis]

Trying to think about how that what the correct way of saying that we are them, we are those ones. It doesn't really.

[Harry]

It only hits the way they hit it.

[Roan]

Correct. We Them Ones, I think they're saying, like, we're them. Like, we're like, I'm him.

[Francis Ellis]

We are the people. We're the group you're looking for for who you're thinking of, that's us.

[Harry]

Well, the problem is we them boys taken, obviously, and this is one of them ones is too long, but that's kind of the sentiment they're going for. This night's going to be one of them.

[Francis Ellis]

One we are.

[Roan]

I honestly think it's a great name.

[Francis Ellis]

We are the individuals.

[Harry]

Or the individuals.

[Roan]

No, they're saying like, you know, someone will be like, I'm him.

[Francis Ellis]

Sure.

[Roan]

Like if you're like, like, like if you're really good at something, you're like, I'm him.

[Francis Ellis]

Him. I've heard that.

[Roan]

So they're saying like, we are.

[Harry]

We are him.

[Francis Ellis]

All of us, each one of us individually are them. We are the hims.

[Harry]

We're him.

[Roan]

Yes.

[Francis Ellis]

We are the he's.

[Harry]

Yes.

[Roan]

Like our, our Call of duty team will say that. Like, they'll say like, were they them?

[Harry]

Yeah, we're them.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, we are the masculine ones. Him.

[Harry]

It's kind of we them thems too, because there's like multiple.

[Francis Ellis]

I like that we them them.

[Roan]

Yeah, but that's. No one's buying tickets to that show.

[Harry]

Hey, guys, let's talk about BetterHelp. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You can handle stress in lots of different ways, especially this time of year. It's still a little bit gloomy out and that can affect people's moods. There's such thing as seasonal depression and that can rear its ugly head all the time in nasty ways. But that doesn't mean you have to become a victim to this. You can take your mentality into your own hands with therapy, specifically through BetterHelp. And sometimes it's challenging to make time for therapy. But Better Help makes scheduling and attending your own weekly sessions easy. Because it's online. You could do it by phone or video or message in a chat if that's what's better for your schedule. And with over 30,000 therapists, better help is the largest online therapy platform having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for live sessions based on over 1.7 million client reviews. And if your therapist isn't the the right fit, no big deal because you can switch at any time with no extra cost. Prioritize your well being with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com sun to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp. H E-L-P.com sun 10% off your first month. Get in there today.

[Francis Ellis]

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[Harry]

boy, dad, I was watching Jillian Michaels on a surrounded video on jubilee. You know, 20 people argue against one person.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And she thought she was a porn star.

[Harry]

I think you're thinking of somebody else. She was the one from the Biggest Loser. She was the militant woman who would scream at people on the treadmill.

[Francis Ellis]

Okay.

[Harry]

She was talking about body shapes and how being overweight is unhealthy. And I learned watching that that oh they that over or that obese is a swear word to them and they want to be called fat.

[Francis Ellis]

Fat. No.

[Harry]

Yeah, fat's back really fat bodied too. They want to be called fat bodied people, not obese.

[Francis Ellis]

Happily bring back fat.

[Roan]

I feel like there's too many fat people in America for one person to make that decision.

[Harry]

And there was 20 of them.

[Roan]

Yeah, well, they had. They not even like a.

[Francis Ellis]

They brought together a panel but the problem was they couldn't fit them all in a room.

[Harry]

Yeah, right. But they were the most well rounded people on the panel.

[Roan]

If you want to do like a sample size. Size of fat People in America, you need like 1 million people. That can't be 20 people making that decision.

[Harry]

It's 70. I think the. What Jillian Michaels was saying that like 74% of people are overweight.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah. So 20 people can't make that call.

[Harry]

Yeah, but I mean, they were. These are like the. The fattest minds. Like, these are like the big.

[Roan]

They're not. They're not, though, because the fattest minds aren't showing up to do that show.

[Francis Ellis]

These are the fattest and brightest.

[Roan]

These are the fattest, fattest act. These are the fat. These are the brightest fat people.

[Harry]

Fat bodies.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

In that general. Probably within a mile of that area.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

But obese is like their N word. They'll be like, please don't. Like, they'll like, shudder to hear the word.

[Roan]

I mean, I kind of get it.

[Harry]

They were saying the O word. Why do you get it?

[Roan]

Like, I don't know, Like, I feel like morbidly obese is like a big one now. You know, like, if you're really looking to dig at someone who's fat, you would say that person's morbidly obese.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Morbid Was that just mean they're gonna die?

[Roan]

I don't know.

[Francis Ellis]

Morbid sounds mort.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Die. From the Latin German.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah, right. Like you'd say like, that guy's obese.

[Francis Ellis]

Mortise.

[Harry]

Morbidly obese. That does sound mean, like, fat is

[Roan]

like your body definitely fat. Your fat's like your buddy who's like 215.

[Harry]

Yeah. I mean, I don't know. They were using it as a. As a catch all.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, I was. I weighed myself this weekend for the first time in a long time in the hotel spa, of course. And I weighed so much more than I thought I was going to post.

[Harry]

Sauna or.

[Francis Ellis]

No, just, you know, before.

[Harry]

It's all about body comp, though.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, what does that mean?

[Harry]

Your. The. The way that the weight presents itself on your bones.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, but I didn't really pay attention to what I've been up to the last few weeks, and it's gotten out of control.

[Roan]

How much?

[Francis Ellis]

219.4.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah, you're fat.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, it was terrifying moment.

[Harry]

Shut your fucking mouth.

[Roan]

You're obese.

[Harry]

You don't fucking say that because that's his.

[Roan]

Morbidly obese.

[Harry]

It's his turn.

[Francis Ellis]

I am fat. So. Ish.

[Harry]

What, so you're six'3,220 right now.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah, bro. And so then that's like a defensive

[Harry]

end getting drafted this year.

[Francis Ellis]

I was. I shocked at how much I weighed. So then I didn't eat for a day and I. Well, I ate, but. But sparingly. And then I weighed myself the next day and I weighed 216 for flat. So I lost 3.2 or 3.4 pounds in. That's nothing in a day.

[Roan]

No, that's not how that works.

[Francis Ellis]

What do you mean?

[Roan]

You fluctuate your weight fluctuates like that. £3 is like. You could. You could be back up £5 since, you know, weighed yourself.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm gonna stay on this track such that by June, I'm gonna weigh 86 pounds.

[Roan]

Oh, okay.

[Francis Ellis]

I did the math. I want to look like a POW. Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah. I mean, I think.

[Roan]

Yeah. 86 might be a little thin.

[Harry]

No, I don't think so. I think that that's kind of the look. Well, your clothes would hang.

[Roan]

Well, do you feel like if we got you down to like a healthy

[Francis Ellis]

100, you think if I what I'd like to break £100, I'd go to should.

[Roan]

At least not for like a long period of time.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

For just.

[Roan]

You hit like, maybe for like a week.

[Francis Ellis]

Six, three, nine, seven pounds. That'd be. That'd be a good weight for me. I think you would look good.

[Harry]

But it's like having that be all muscle is going to be tough.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, that's. I'll let the muscle go. Right. I'll just sort of.

[Roan]

You'd have to let everything.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm atrophy.

[Roan]

Yeah, but think about skin and bones.

[Francis Ellis]

Think about my cheekbones, how much they'd be popping out.

[Roan]

Yeah, they would. They would pop.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

How sallow.

[Francis Ellis]

You'd look like.

[Harry]

You look like. You look like 50 Cent when he did that movie role.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Jawline of a sparrow.

[Roan]

Like Christian Bale and the machinist. Machinist.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. Yeah. Or rescue Don. He did it a few times.

[Harry]

Or Jesus Christ on the cross.

[Roan]

Right now you look like Christian Bale and vice.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. I'm not happy about it. I'm really not happy. It was a huge wake up call. And it came from being in the Dominican Republic where I was drinking margaritas instead of beers.

[Harry]

Just having mofongo all day.

[Francis Ellis]

I was drinking margaritas like they were beers.

[Harry]

Years.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Because they was all salt and sugar.

[Francis Ellis]

It was all I do. The amount of agave that I had was coming out of my toes. My feet were sticking to the ground. I had. So I had. There was one day where I had 16 margaritas, I think something like that. 16. Well, we started drinking at 10:00am it was a golf. It was a member guest. And that night I. I'm breaking my rule here. I'm telling a story.

[Roan]

You threw up.

[Francis Ellis]

No. Do you mind if I finish though?

[Harry]

We'll have to talk about it.

[Roan]

You need to finish.

[Harry]

You want to talk about on the side?

[Roan]

Continue.

[Harry]

Yeah, I think it's cool. If you finish.

[Francis Ellis]

I. You know, maybe we'll save it. I've done it.

[Harry]

No, no.

[Roan]

Continue please. Because I'm also running low on time.

[Francis Ellis]

You are?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

You got to get to your meeting for your passport.

[Roan]

Yes. Soon.

[Francis Ellis]

Who's in that?

[Roan]

In the meeting?

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

It's not actually a meeting. It's just an appointment.

[Francis Ellis]

You said it was a meeting.

[Roan]

No, it's an appointment at the agency.

[Harry]

I'd much rather hear about the 16 margaritas.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

And about how sticky your feet were. That. That's what Alex Honnold did before he scaled. He just walked straight up sticking out of the building. 16 margaritas.

[Francis Ellis]

Was it you that told me that fact? That why fingers prune when you're in the bathtub? No, it's an evolutionary thing about giving you more ability to suction onto trees and things as you climb.

[Harry]

Really?

[Francis Ellis]

It's the rainforest. It's raining now. You need better purchase on the thing that you're going to scale. Really? It comes from the apes. That's. Yeah.

[Harry]

Interesting.

[Francis Ellis]

Amazing Sweat. You gotta be able to. That's what I was told.

[Harry]

That sounds fucking great.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. Grip on surfaces.

[Harry]

So you were drinking so many margaritas that you turned back into an ape?

[Francis Ellis]

I was drinking so many margaritas that Alex Honnold took a long bath. Before he scaled the wall. Before he did the free solo. He just was in the water for a long long time.

[Harry]

Feet sound like a little sass clapping.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

So what happened with the 16 mom marks? You get fucked up, you flip the golf cart.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, I think it'd be better to talk about your passport.

[Roan]

No, I don't want to talk about my passport.

[Francis Ellis]

You sure?

[Roan]

Yeah. It's already got me stressed.

[Francis Ellis]

Who is administering that test for you?

[Roan]

There's no test.

[Francis Ellis]

Wasn't it Shaniqua? And I'm not saying that pejoratively.

[Roan]

No. Shaniqua was the lady that I was speaking to on the phone this morning from. From the FedEx.

[Harry]

And there's paperwork to back that up.

[Roan]

Yes.

[Francis Ellis]

And by the way, that's Shaniqua with an essay H. Yes. Not a ch. Which is how I know it.

[Roan]

You do like school.

[Francis Ellis]

Shanique holds claw.

[Harry]

Oh, But I think that's Shamik.

[Francis Ellis]

Sure.

[Harry]

Shamik hold squaw. Wow.

[Francis Ellis]

Remember her?

[Harry]

A WNBA legend.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. Not to be confused with Shanique Coleslaw.

[Harry]

Right. Or Sharkeisha.

[Roan]

Or a charcuterie board.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Which are all different things spelled with an sh.

[Francis Ellis]

Of course.

[Roan]

Course. Of course.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

I drank 16 margaritas and it was just all day long because I had gotten through the performance, the show and it was such a hell gig that I just said now I need to put that behind me and forget. And on Saturday night, first of all, they had a live musician named. Oh, Brett. Brett. Country musician. He was amazing. Young. Brett Young.

[Harry]

Young.

[Francis Ellis]

You ever heard of this guy?

[Harry]

No. How old is he?

[Francis Ellis]

That's his name. This guy is unbelievable.

[Roan]

This is a classic. 16 margs deep. They got like a local guy performing.

[Francis Ellis]

No, dude, this is not a local guy.

[Roan]

Whole Brett Young dude.

[Francis Ellis]

This is a big deal. This dude's a big deal, man. He's a big deal.

[Harry]

Take it to LA Classic.

[Francis Ellis]

4 million number one. Not as big of a deal as I thought.

[Harry]

That's pretty.

[Roan]

He got any hits?

[Francis Ellis]

Yes, he's got hits.

[Harry]

Come on, bro.

[Francis Ellis]

Brett Young hit his ex wife and his daughter.

[Roan]

Was he at case he didn't know

[Harry]

the hotel or was he at the golf club?

[Francis Ellis]

He was at the club, but he was. I mean he did like a truly. A very haunting acoustic set for an hour where haunting. He was the entertainment for Friday night. They had a fog machine for him and I was turning around to everybody and I was like, you know, if I'd had a fog machine, my I would have been.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Cod. Yeah. People were laughing for the first time.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's good recovery.

[Francis Ellis]

Something I had said.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

You were among the people the entire time that you had just on the comedy show for.

[Francis Ellis]

Yes. That's the problem is that I had to marinate in my bomb.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

So you like, did you feel like the comedy show lasted the entire time? Like you had to like almost make up for it or like be funny the entire time?

[Francis Ellis]

Once they had seen it, they were like, we don't need to hear any more jokes from this guy. They were like, oh, let's let him develop a little longer before we ask for not quite right follow ups. It was hell. It was a true hell game.

[Roan]

The only way a show like that works is if it's someone that everyone there is already knows and is under the assumption like this guy's hysterical and.

[Francis Ellis]

And is a. Yeah.

[Roan]

As a fan if like Kevin Hart showed up.

[Francis Ellis]

Right. So instead what happened was the head Golf Pro at 8:30pm on a Thursday night when everyone had flown in for this event.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And was catching up and drinking and, you know, having a great boisterous time deep into the night. All of a sudden he was like, excuse me, everybody, We've got a special treat. Please welcome a comedian you've never fucking heard of, Francis Ellis. And people were like, what? They listen to my show the way that, like, we listened to the safety briefing on an airplane.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

It's like, I get it. I get it.

[Harry]

It's not my first time.

[Francis Ellis]

I had to do half an hour.

[Harry]

Oh, my God.

[Francis Ellis]

And I was looking at my watch being like, 17 more minutes, folks. Just hang on for dear life. Oh, that's so. I had some good jokes that I'd written, and they just didn't matter. It just didn't matter.

[Roan]

And you could have done, like. You could have done Chappelle's killing Them softly, like, word for word.

[Francis Ellis]

Correct.

[Roan]

Bombed still, bro.

[Francis Ellis]

There was a bar. It's outside.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

We're outdoors comedians. Like, low ceilings, trapped energy, trapped sound. I had the heavens as my limit. I was performing to the gods. A celestial expanding universe was my roof. And so the. The. The. You know, the bar. There was, like, 20 guys at the bar ordering drinks and stuff like that. And when the started my set, none of them turned around, really. They just stayed with their backs to me, ordering drinks and having drinks.

[Harry]

What.

[Francis Ellis]

Who you got there? Is that Shaniqua?

[Roan]

Yeah, Shaniqua was coming.

[Harry]

Was somebody. Were they. Where's everyone seated?

[Francis Ellis]

There were about seven people seated in front of me.

[Harry]

Oh, my God.

[Francis Ellis]

And then there were about maybe 15 people in the middle that were kind of milling around.

[Roan]

And at what point? Like.

[Francis Ellis]

And then there were, like, 10 guys at the bar.

[Roan]

Like, when you're. You're five minutes in, what's going through your head? Just get through it.

[Francis Ellis]

I have to do 25 more minutes in order to honor my. My contraction.

[Roan]

And at that point, were you like, I don't even give a. Like, I just got to get through this.

[Francis Ellis]

You just.

[Roan]

Are you sweating?

[Francis Ellis]

You dig? I'm not sweating. I. I know my worth as a comic. I know going in that this is going to be an impossible.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Task. And, you know, I'm taking the piss a little.

[Harry]

I'm.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm like, this is my first time performing at this club. It'll be my last. You know that.

[Roan]

I mean, it's not a club. It's. You're outside.

[Harry]

It was a golf club.

[Francis Ellis]

It was a golf club. Yeah. Golf club.

[Roan]

Did you play well, at least? Maybe they'll invite you back to play.

[Francis Ellis]

I did not play well.

[Roan]

Oh, God, this is tough.

[Francis Ellis]

I hadn't swung as well. Harder to defend in three months. Now, in the. The one thing that was amazing was that on Saturday, I got so drunk drinking all day. This is a club where you don't have to wear shoes. It's very relaxed. And I didn't wear shoes. I didn't put shoes on for, like, 38 hours.

[Roan]

Damn, that's nice.

[Francis Ellis]

My feet looked like hell, I'm sure, because I was losing balls and walking into the brambles to find them. I mean, I really looked like a wayward teen.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And I. I got so drunk on Saturday night that I ended up having a conversation with a table. And I don't black out, but I didn't remember this conversation. And I woke up on Sunday knowing that I had to fly to Dave in the Keys.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Through Miami. And I woke up on Sunday to a message asking for my passport from a number I didn't know. And I said, I'm sorry, who's this? And they were like, it's Jamie from last night. I was like, okay. So. Sent them my passport. And then they were like, we'll be picking you up in an hour and a half. And then I got in a car with four people I didn't remember to drive to an airport to fly on a private jet with them to Miami.

[Harry]

That's amazing.

[Roan]

That's crazy.

[Francis Ellis]

It was. It was the opposite of every drunken mistake I ever made. It was. Was as if. What's the liquid luck in Harry Potter? What's that called? Lux something. Can we find the name of that? Where he's like, I need to go to Hagrid's cottage. I just have a feeling that's where I need to go. I. Is it just called Liquid Felix Felicis? Yeah. Liquid luck.

[Harry]

Oh, that's Harvard's mantra.

[Francis Ellis]

That's. That's Yale's mantra. I. I knew I just somehow, like, got it all right in my drunken, stupid super, and I ended up getting myself a seat on a private jet. Now, the craziest part of this was that I didn't know, really, the people that. That were so kind as to host me on their job. Jamie ended up being the fiance, but I thought she was the daughter. So I thought it was two parents and their two children. And the children were, like, 26 or 27 or something like that.

[Roan]

I thought you meant, like, kids.

[Francis Ellis]

No, no, they were 27ish. But I thought it was brother, sister, mother, father.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. And then. And so I'm in the front seat of this car going to the private airport in the Dominican. Actually, there was no private airport. It was just. We flew out of Puerto Plata.

[Roan]

Just some. Just. Just a piece of land.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah. It was the. It was the commercial airport, which was great because I actually saw the plane that I was supposed to have been on.

[Roan]

Oh, nice.

[Francis Ellis]

And I got to walk out on the tarmac, pass that piece of shit American Airlines flight onto a fucking jet.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

So what would. But what was going on with Jamie? You thought she was the sister, so you were talking to her like, sister.

[Francis Ellis]

Trust me, imagine my shock when they started making out on the plane. Brother and sister. I was like, well, I'm not gonna say anything. They're paying for this flight.

[Harry]

You can't.

[Francis Ellis]

But, dude, in the car on the way there, I. I kept being very deferential to the man that I thought was the father.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Because I just assumed that he had covered this whole thing. And I was like, well, you know, thank you so much for all of this. He's like, yeah, of course. Like, we really enjoyed your comedy. I was like, no, you didn't. And come to find, like, through the flight that. That was just a. The guy was like a friend of the kid and the. The young man. And the young man was the one who had booked the whole thing, and he was engaged to Jamie.

[Harry]

Oh.

[Francis Ellis]

So they were a couple. And then the older people were just their friends. And the whole time I had been thanking the older guy for, like, putting me on the jet, and he was accepting the thanks.

[Roan]

Yeah. That's weird. Weird, weird move by him.

[Harry]

That is nuts.

[Francis Ellis]

What?

[Harry]

You can't just.

[Roan]

It was a little bit of a wonderkin situation.

[Francis Ellis]

What is that?

[Roan]

This guy's like, 27. He's got a private jet.

[Francis Ellis]

He had a Net jets account.

[Roan]

I mean, that's.

[Harry]

So what was his. What was his story?

[Roan]

Typical.

[Francis Ellis]

I don't know. There I could. I was trapped in my own ignorance, meaning I couldn't reveal how little I knew, because by that point, we were at such a place of generosity that to be like, so who are you again? Would have been very rude.

[Roan]

Yeah, what if they made you. What if you got on and they were like, you just gotta fill out, like, this log, like, the flight log

[Francis Ellis]

I would have done.

[Roan]

And then you saw the other names, and it was like, Chris Tucker, B.B. netanyahu, Jeff Epstein.

[Francis Ellis]

They were like, we'll be flying over Miami, Little St. James, and Hope you guys don't mind.

[Roan]

Shows me it's Way faster to Miami from here.

[Francis Ellis]

Like, you guys got any pontoon boats bring you back to the mainland?

[Harry]

That's what happened to Stephen Hawking. He just like.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

He was too uncomfortable to ask.

[Roan]

I know. Feels.

[Harry]

Who are you again? I don't remember you

[Francis Ellis]

anyway, so that was surreal.

[Harry]

That's sick.

[Francis Ellis]

And I've never. I've never had something like that happen where I just, like, didn't really remember somehow finding my way onto a private plane where I had no idea what was going on.

[Harry]

You flew to Miami, but that means you flew over the Keys, basically, if you're going doctor to Miami.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Did you fly over Dave's? They couldn't have kicked you out and let you parachute into Key West?

[Francis Ellis]

I'd have liked that because here's how it ended up going. I landed in the private airport in Miami. Have you. Have you ever flown private?

[Roan]

No, and I've never been to Miami.

[Harry]

That's embarrassing. The.

[Roan]

The common man.

[Francis Ellis]

What's crazy about flying private is that a lot of the private airports are like fucking nothing.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

They're. They're. They're like shacks.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

That have. You know, there's like a rolling barbed wire gate.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

That separates the airport from.

[Roan]

It's probably tough to call, like an Uber from there.

[Francis Ellis]

You do, and they're like 20 minutes away. But I had to call an Uber. Uber to the private airport.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

To take me to the public airport rental car place.

[Roan]

Oh.

[Francis Ellis]

Where I got out and then had to like, go up the stairs.

[Roan]

Oh, that's annoying.

[Francis Ellis]

With all my bags into the rental car place to be like, hi. Yes. Yeah, I'd like.

[Harry]

That's shameful.

[Francis Ellis]

A Ford escape on our super national account.

[Harry]

Did you lie to the Uber driver? I would have made up some story just to keep up the illusions to him.

[Francis Ellis]

No, it was a woman and she didn't speak English. English. But I. I then drove to the airport Hilton Blue Lagoon in Miami, which was the worst hotel I've stayed in.

[Harry]

Well, you said that that had the in towel.

[Francis Ellis]

It had a towel that had been used as a hand.

[Roan]

That's tough.

[Harry]

A hand towel.

[Roan]

I will say the one thing my. The hotel that we stayed at in Detroit was the nicest hotel I've ever stayed at.

[Francis Ellis]

What was it?

[Roan]

The Camp Cambria.

[Francis Ellis]

Cambria is a nice. Nice.

[Roan]

Is that like a popular cane?

[Francis Ellis]

Well, it. It's probably a subsidiary of. Of a group.

[Roan]

Not the surrounding area. Not so much. But the actual, like, hotel was, like, really nice. They had like a golf simulator on the basement floor.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, cool. Tyler, who, who owns Cambria?

[Harry]

That's what we got to find out.

[Francis Ellis]

Larry Silverstein, like what, what hotel group owns Cambridge Cambria?

[Harry]

Couchar Management.

[Francis Ellis]

No, no, no, no. No. Choice hotels. Okay. Does that do anything for you? I don't know what I'm talking about.

[Harry]

We're just. We're figuring out, looking stuff up, you know what I mean? Some of the stuff is going to hit, some of the stuff isn't going to hit. So did you stay at that nice hotel?

[Francis Ellis]

Where?

[Harry]

In the Doctor.

[Francis Ellis]

Okay, so I thought we were going to, but then they, they had a condo open up at the. The club and they, they reverted us to that at the last minute. But, but we had access to the properties. I didn't because I was playing in the tournament the whole time, but my buddy's wife went and hung out all day. But dude, the, the, the property we were on was like.

[Harry]

That's beautiful too.

[Francis Ellis]

Unbelievable.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Did you have any, any Cuban cigars?

[Francis Ellis]

No, I was too drunk. I was drunk the whole time.

[Harry]

That's so nice.

[Francis Ellis]

I think I had 50 margaritas in three and a half days.

[Harry]

Any spicy margs or just the regular spice?

[Francis Ellis]

No, just regular.

[Roan]

You must have been shitting like crazy.

[Francis Ellis]

Let me tell you something. It hasn't been solid for a while.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

My insides. And this is where all that weight came from.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

The sugar is just getting.

[Roan]

Margaritas will definitely do that.

[Francis Ellis]

Think of the citrus.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's so much citrus you're just gonna shit out yellow Gatorade.

[Francis Ellis]

My stomach, the acid.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

It's brutal.

[Roan]

I had to fucking. My drive from Cleveland to Detroit, I had to stop three times to. It's a two hour drive.

[Harry]

That's insane.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

What? Where'd you stop?

[Roan]

Pulled over. I stopped at a sheets the first time and then this 2/2 times. The problem with the sheets 1, 2/2. The problem with the sheets 1 was that there was a lot of. There was like a line so I couldn't really get it all out. And then I had to stop again at a rest stop. And then the third time was like I wanted to stop to get a drink. And I was like, I may as well just go to the bathroom. Bathroom again.

[Harry]

That's how you get a damn.

[Roan]

Second time was the one where it was like, I gotta find a toilet now.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's terrifying.

[Tastytrade Advertiser]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

Brandon. And my opener. Brandon, we. We left from Denver last night at exactly the same time. My flight was 11:55 and his was midnight on the dot. Yeah, he was on JetBlue I was on Delta. His flight was delayed 10 minutes. Minutes. 10 minutes on the target.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And my flight landed at JFK on time. And his flight got diverted to Albany.

[Harry]

That's brutal.

[Francis Ellis]

Because of the wind. And that to me, to me, that means the pilots on Delta Airlines are better than the pilots at JetBlue.

[Harry]

Everybody. I mean, it's top, bottom, because it's whoever's in the, in the, in the towers making sure that they get on their, on their marks fast. You know, it's.

[Francis Ellis]

It's.

[Harry]

The entire unit is working as a fist as opposed to the fingers of JetBlue. Just not disorganized.

[Francis Ellis]

I can't imagine that the weather between when I landed.

[Harry]

Hardest airline to get a job as a pilot. Nailed it.

[Francis Ellis]

Oh, I got one more story. I know, I'm really going over. I apologize to our listeners.

[Harry]

No, that's fine.

[Francis Ellis]

I totally violated.

[Harry]

No, no, totally. They're probably coming here for this.

[Francis Ellis]

No, no, they don't like it. They don't like me. And that's okay. I get it. People don't have to. But I'll say this. When we flew to the Doctor, we flew on JetBlue, and I had a pilot that was the most performative person I've ever seen in my entire fucking life. And I'm not kidding. You like doing this, dude. Okay, we're taking off from jfk. He comes out before we leave the gate, right? And he comes out and takes the flight attendants intercom phone so that he's seen. Yeah, he's front and center in the, in the middle of the aisle. And he goes like, good evening, good morning, everybody. Like, you know, thank you for flying JetBlue, we're buying, blah, blah, blah. Starts rattling off statistics about JetBlue. And I'm like, buddy, yeah, no one gives a fuck. More like jet boo. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, he does all this stuff and then he's like. And he's wearing a lanyard that has like a veteran on it, you know, and he goes, he goes, you guys, I understand that. He goes, I understand that flying can be pretty scary for people, but I just want you to know you're in good hands. I have 20, 26 years of military experience flying for the Air Force. And then my co pilot has seven years of civilian air flying experience, which was the most like, yeah, passive aggressive way to completely, like, discredit. Yeah. He's like, yeah, I was flying through flack and, and on bombing raids.

[Harry]

Meanwhile, you know, my buddy, 20 years less lower stakes.

[Francis Ellis]

He ran from Tucson To.

[Roan]

Let's just hope nothing happens to me.

[Francis Ellis]

If anything happens to me. Is there anyone on board that has any flying experience? Because we're going to need some. Somebody with some military experience to step up and fly this rig. So he does all that, right?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

And he goes through this whole spiel and does all that. Then he starts doing it all again in Spanish. And all the Dominican people on the flight started going, oh. And I was like, not my halftime show. It was just purely. Just like, you know, pander to all

[Roan]

the Dominicans playing every side.

[Francis Ellis]

And they liked it. They did like it. But I was like, come on, man. Yeah, come on, buddy.

[Roan]

That's a little much.

[Francis Ellis]

Just showing us that you're bilingual. Do we need that?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Such a flex.

[Roan]

Such a Signing it after.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Well, the two flight attendants, like, hoist him up. People in the back can see.

[Francis Ellis]

I will say, say that his resume and all that did give me a sense of calm, knowing that we had someone that.

[Roan]

I mean, I'm usually pretty calm.

[Francis Ellis]

Same.

[Harry]

As soon as you see their elbow, you're good to go. You were always telling me.

[Roan]

Yeah, exactly. I mean, as soon as you like. I don't know.

[Harry]

It's.

[Roan]

It's pretty hard to become a commercial pilot.

[Francis Ellis]

Without a doubt.

[Roan]

Yeah. You know, a lot of hours in

[Harry]

this guy out of Frontier. They just let the first guy, first man up.

[Roan]

Yeah. Frontier Frontiers Volunteer, Uber. It's like just applying for Uber.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Just show your id Shared account on Frontier. That's so nice.

[Francis Ellis]

You don't see JetBlue anywhere on that list of difficult. It was.

[Harry]

FedEx was number two.

[Francis Ellis]

I'd rather fly for FedEx than Jet.

[Harry]

They care more about the packages that we get than the people on JetBlue.

[Francis Ellis]

You're not wrong, brother. You're not wrong.

[Harry]

Especially if there's salvage Japanese denim on there.

[Francis Ellis]

Can we see?

[Roan]

Boys, I got to wrap this up.

[Francis Ellis]

Do.

[Roan]

Yeah, I do.

[Francis Ellis]

You sure about that?

[Roan]

I'm positive.

[Francis Ellis]

You sure about that? Yeah.

[Roan]

I said one. It's one. Fifty. Fifteen.

[Harry]

Disrespectful.

[Francis Ellis]

Haven't talked in a long time.

[Harry]

He's just trying to catch up.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, we can share stories after, but

[Roan]

I gotta go do this, unfortunately.

[Francis Ellis]

That's a bummer.

[Harry]

Well, everybody remember who did this to you.

[Francis Ellis]

I was having a lot of fun.

[Harry]

Francis was just starting to tell stories.

[Francis Ellis]

I was starting to loosen up. I was coming out of my shell.

[Roan]

I apologize.

[Francis Ellis]

Did you know that when you hum at a slight snail, it comes out.

[Roan]

No. Did you know that it's impossible to gag while you're humming.

[Harry]

You know, bees and dogs can smell fear.

[Francis Ellis]

Why are we doing this?

[Roan]

Did you know that?

[Francis Ellis]

I had a good fact.

[Roan]

But mine was better.

[Francis Ellis]

It was fine.

[Roan]

It was better.

[Francis Ellis]

Mine was oceanic. Yours is pretty solid, biological.

[Roan]

Yours is good. I just don't know if I, like, necessarily believe it. Like, mine. I've tried.

[Francis Ellis]

I used to take snails off of at low tide, and I would go, hold them between my thumbs and. And go. And you do it for a long, long, long, long time. And they all start to come out. It's really interesting. And then I gagged.

[Roan]

Because you stopped humming.

[Francis Ellis]

No. Simultaneously.

[Roan]

No, because you stopped humming.

[Harry]

Because the snail could do that. It was a proof.

[Francis Ellis]

No, I was blowing a guy and I wanted him to know the pleasure I felt.

[Harry]

And a performative gag.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

I was like, sorry about that. I didn't think those two things were possible. Possible.

[Roan]

All right, wait, wait, wait. I really got.

[Francis Ellis]

Hold on. What did you say? You had a good one. What was your fact?

[Harry]

Oh, it's. Mine was from Jerry Maguire. The little kid who always has, like, facts.

[Francis Ellis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

You know, bees and dogs can smell fear.

[Francis Ellis]

That's so amazing. Do you want to tell us a little bit more about that?

[Harry]

It's really. That I just need.

[Roan]

I'm going to have to just leave.

[Harry]

Jerry Lipnicki had had that good ass fact, and now he looks older than Jerry Maguire.

[Francis Ellis]

Can you believe it? Those kids that grew up. Haley Joel Osmond, I don't know what happened to his father face. Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

You think you'd be able to reclaim it? And meanwhile, like, Tom Cruise has gotten better looking.

[Francis Ellis]

There you go.

[Harry]

In his first couple movies, like, he kind of had like a.

[Francis Ellis]

It just goes to show you don't pop too early.

[Harry]

Right. Buy once, cry once.

[Francis Ellis]

That's exactly.

[Roan]

Exactly. Buy once, cry once.

[Francis Ellis]

I bought Brandon a pair of Japanese jeans this weekend.

[Harry]

So excited about it.

[Francis Ellis]

Cool store in Denver called Blue in Green. And I also bought these jeans, which are. They're from. From their Japanese.

[Harry]

Those are jeans? Yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

These are jeans.

[Harry]

They look linen.

[Francis Ellis]

They're pretty good, huh? You like those?

[Harry]

Sas, give those a few. Oh, that.

[Roan]

I have to leave.

[Francis Ellis]

Harry, before you go, I have to go. I want you to come check out these jeans I'm wearing.

[Harry]

That's your. That's your ticket out of this.

[Francis Ellis]

What do I have to buy you as a clothing item, Harry, that you would wear on the pod?

[Roan]

These Harvard sweatshirts.

[Francis Ellis]

If you don't wear one of those, I'm coming over your home and I'm going to yank that fire escape down to a full muscle up. Lift your window and come in there and clean your apartment.

[Harry]

He's going to renegade row your neck.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm going to clean it.

[Roan]

Well, we'll see. We'll see about that.

[Francis Ellis]

I'm going to find that sleeping neighbor of yours and make out with her.

[Roan]

Yeah, well, that did have fun.

[Francis Ellis]

Sleeping Beauty over there.

[Roan]

All right, I got to. I got to wrap this up.

[Francis Ellis]

Are you sure?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I feel like we're just kind of starting to get like a. I feel

[Francis Ellis]

like we got the ball rolling. Snowball rolling downhill here.

[Roan]

All right, I'm gonna start reading ads

[Francis Ellis]

before you do these, before you leave.

[Roan]

I just need this bracket buster. Oh, yeah.

[Francis Ellis]

I guess that's the end of the episode, everybody. Thanks for listening.

[Roan]

I told you guys I had to be done 20 minutes.

[Francis Ellis]

We got Harry going off.

[Harry]

You should have told us before 20 minutes.

[Roan]

I said that. I said when we started. I said I have until 1250 and now it's 1 20.

[Francis Ellis]

I think what we've learned is that our audience really likes longer episodes.

[Roan]

I know.

[Francis Ellis]

And they understand. I understand commitment.

[Roan]

I understand that. But I had another thing I have to do.

[Francis Ellis]

Well, I'm sorry, everybody at home. I did my best. I tried not to talk. I failed. Tried to keep Harry here.

[Roan]

Failed.

[Francis Ellis]

The only person who really came out clean today and pitched a perfect game was Roan.

[Harry]

I didn't even really. I had that. Dumbass.

[Roan]

I actually have to go. I have to leave.

[Francis Ellis]

Doesn't seem like it.

[Roan]

I. I swear to God, I got to walk over to this thing.

[Francis Ellis]

If you had to go so bad, why would you still be here?

[Roan]

I have waiting for you guys to stop talking so we can do the ads.

[Harry]

Just do an ad.

[Roan]

I'm not kidding.

[Harry]

Just do an ad.

[Francis Ellis]

Just do an ad. God.

[Roan]

Which one do you have? Which one do I have to do?

[Francis Ellis]

I gotta do a phone for tomorrow.

[Roan]

Oh, okay, do that.

[Harry]

Just rip an ad.

[Francis Ellis]

There were a lot of ads in the Dominican. There were these billboards along the road.