When Francis Met Rory | Son of a Boy Dad #380

Summary

---

Podcast Summary:

When Francis Met Rory | Son of a Boy Dad #380
Date: March 3, 2026
Hosts: Barstool Sports (Lil Sasquatch, Rone, Francis)
Main Theme:
The episode covers Francis’ recent invite-only experience at a Rory McIlroy charity event in Palm Beach, the unique culture of the ultra-rich there, insights on professional athletes, and flows into discussions on cleanliness, military family life, cash purchases, and comedic banter about etiquette and manhood.

---

Episode Overview

The hosts reflect on navigating young adulthood and learning life lessons, prompted by Lil Sasquatch's recent college dropout status. Francis recounts an exclusive Palm Beach trip, featuring behind-the-scenes stories about Rory McIlroy, professional sports, and celebrity culture. Throughout, the trio blend personal anecdotes, cultural observations, and signature irreverent humor, riffing on everything from military deployments to the etiquette of washing your hands after peeing.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Palm Beach Encounters and the Rory McIlroy Event

• Francis's Trip to Palm Beach:

  • Francis attended a small, charity Q&A event with golfer Rory McIlroy. Only 30–40 attendees for an intimate, candid session ("It was a very intimate charity talk that Rory was giving. Only about 30 or 40 people there total." — Francis, 04:16).

• Notable Rory Insights:

  • Rory is uncommonly candid, offering behind-the-scenes details many pro athletes avoid.
  • On high-stress recreation: "There's simply nothing that I can do in recreational golf that ever makes me give a fuck." (07:09, Francis quoting Rory).
  • McIlroy doesn’t watch YouTube golf content: "No, I don't watch YouTube golf." (09:10)
  • Detailed putt analysis: McIlroy discussed missing a critical putt at the Masters due to pin position; Justin Rose’s encyclopedic prep shocked the audience (11:02–12:48).
  • Rory’s physicality: "He's very buff. I mean, he works out like a maniac." (13:02)

• Celebrity Sightings: Francis also saw Wayne Gretzky and Dustin Johnson at Michael Jordan’s Grove 23 course.

2. Comedic Banter on Cleanliness and 'Manhood'

• Shoes, Pants, and Clean Apartments:

  • Francis catches flak for appearing barefoot in an apartment (19:44), leading to a discussion about people’s obsessions with cleanliness, outside clothes on beds, and urban germs.
  • "I made him take off his pants before he sat on my couch." — Francis (20:44)

• Male Hygiene & Hand-Washing Etiquette:

  • Do you need to always wash your hands after peeing at home?
    • "If you're in your own apartment and you go…take a quick piss…Is it necessary to go through a full wash after that?" — Francis, (24:28)
    • They joke about "shaft sweat," “good enzymes” from fingering, and dude wipes (25:10–26:30).

3. Life in the Ultra-Rich Palm Beach Bubble

• The Culture of Wealth:
  • Francis describes the surreal, insulated wealth and aging population of Palm Beach ("You don't realize what it means to be old and rich until you get to Palm Beach where everybody's like 80 and has three Ferraris." — 32:05).
  • Security details are intense during Trump’s presence — road closures, multiple 'Beast' limos, and heavy police/military (26:36–30:52).
  • Even casual delays are notable: "We were so close to making it, but we are now going to have to hold for a VIP package..." (30:04, referencing Air Force One takeoff).

4. Military Family Reflections

• Francis’s Brother-in-Law Deployed:
  • Francis shares personal reflections on his brother-in-law serving in the Middle East, the challenges for his sister and their children.
  • "I really admire families that can soldier on while their loved ones, fathers, mothers, whatever, are fucking under fire in active war zones." (33:10)
• Tangential Argument:
  • The others banter about whether getting more information brings comfort or only more anxiety for military families (34:14–35:04).

5. Comedy World & Credit Etiquette

• On Comedy Credits and Introductions:
  • The hosts discuss how comics get introduced incorrectly at shows, often with inaccurate credits. ("Someone said that I had a special on, like, Netflix...I was like, not quite." — 49:03)
  • The importance of getting names right and proper stage etiquette (50:25–51:05).

6. Cash, Passports, and Institutional Absurdity

• Paying with Cash:
  • Extended riff on the largest acceptable cash purchase ("What is the largest purchase that is socially acceptable to make using cash?" — 51:21; e.g. Louis Vuitton, laptops, Best Buy)
  • The anxiety about counterfeit bills and recounting a strip club scam where patrons are given fake $1 bills as change (54:33–55:33).
• Passports & Bureaucracy:
  • The pain of renewing, losing, and expediting passports; how the system is outdated ("It should be literally something on your phone..." — 78:02).
  • Joked that multiple passports equate to treason (79:14).

7. Etiquette, Airports, and Moral Situations

• Cutting in Lines at Airports:
  • Banter about whether it's ever okay to let someone cut in a long TSA/customs line—nuance emerges over emergencies vs. rudeness (66:09–70:10).

8. Pop Culture, Movies & TV

• Recommendations:
  • Hell or High Water and Wind River hailed as must-watch movies. "That's one of the best movies I've ever seen." (57:14)
  • Ongoing jokes about Bravo reality shows and Requiem for a Dream's infamous "ass to ass" scene (61:12–62:20).
  • Use of dark humor on heavy movie themes.

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“There’s simply nothing that I can do in recreational golf that ever makes me give a fuck.”
— Francis quoting Rory McIlroy, (07:09)

"You don't realize what it means to be old and rich until you get to Palm Beach where everybody's like 80 and has three Ferraris."
— Francis (32:05)

"I really admire families that can soldier on while their loved ones...are fucking under fire in active war zones."
— Francis (33:10)

“People come after me because I put myself out there.”
— Francis, on being teased for going barefoot (20:33)

"If you're in your own apartment...Is it necessary to go through a full wash after that?"
— Francis, (24:28)

“I sometimes will not wash my hands after I finger, because those are good enzymes.”
— Francis (25:30)
(Joking tone, classic irreverence)

"That's not a credit in my favor."
— Francis after being recognized as "the guy who got fired from Barstool" on a flight (72:34)

---

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [04:16] — Francis describes the intimate Rory McIlroy charity event
• [07:01] — Discussion of pressure in recreational vs. pro golf, including Michael Jordan’s betting
• [09:10] — Rory admits he doesn’t watch YouTube golf, dashing Francis’ hopes
• [11:02–12:48] — Rory’s insights on Masters putts, Justin Rose’s prep
• [13:02–14:10] — On Rory’s physique and big-name golfers’ body types
• [19:44] — Apartment cleanliness, shoes, and pants banter
• [24:28] — Male hygiene, handwashing etiquette
• [26:36–30:52] — Palm Beach security, Trump's proximity, impact on flights
• [33:10] — Military family anxiety, Francis’s personal reflection
• [49:03] — Mishaps with comedy credits/intros
• [51:21] — The largest cash purchase that’s "acceptable"
• [54:33–55:33] — The strip club counterfeit bills story
• [61:12–62:20] — Movie talk: Requiem for a Dream and dark humor
• [66:09–70:10] — The ethics of letting late fliers cut in line
• [72:31] — Francis’s awkward fan encounter on the plane
• [74:08] — Post office drama and bureaucratic woes

---

Overall Tone & Language

Loose, candid, consistently irreverent, and full of quick-witted, often self-deprecating humor. The episode bounces between sincere insights (on military families and the pressures of pro sport) and digressive, deeply unserious riffs about manhood, germaphobia, and etiquette. The back-and-forth is fluid and conversational, with regular call-backs and running jokes.

---

For New Listeners

This episode is a great showcase of the show's balance between genuine curiosity, unfiltered storytelling, absurdist comedy, and locker-room riffing. If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like inside the world of Barstool personalities, elite sports, or simply want to laugh at the oddities of modern adulthood, this episode delivers.

---

Transcript

[A]

Hey, Son of a Boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

[B]

All right, ready?

[A]

How's your lumbar support? Are you good?

[C]

I'm good. Yeah. That's where.

[A]

Just making sure.

[B]

All righty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today it is March 2nd. It's 1:00pm 1:23pm to be exact. We're here live from HQ3. Welcome back, fellas. Lots to discuss.

[C]

Lots.

[A]

I don't like the angle of this table right now.

[B]

Rotate it, please, because only Francis is getting the love right now.

[C]

What?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, I was the only one able to. Perfect.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

That's really perfect.

[A]

Is that too close to you, though?

[C]

I don't care about it.

[A]

Is that encroaching a little bit?

[C]

Nothing matters anymore.

[B]

That encroaches.

[A]

You look like very JFK Jr. With the style today.

[C]

That's not what I'm going for.

[B]

Are you watching that show?

[A]

No, but everybody is obsessed with that.

[C]

I am not watching that. I'm sorry.

[B]

I saw, like, 15 minutes.

[A]

I was, like, making sure it's not

[B]

one of the worst pieces of television I've ever seen.

[C]

Yeah, I'm not gonna watch it. And I will not be trying to dress like him. That is not what I don't. I mean, I'm sad.

[A]

You're not. You're not. You're not. I'm just kidding.

[C]

Because everyone is. Have you seen these clips of you go to a bar in the East Village and everyone wear. Is wearing one of those fucking newsboy caps backwards and like a. Oh, really?

[B]

That's the new.

[C]

A loose, shitty tie and Tommy Hill figure. Yeah.

[B]

I didn't know. I didn't know that that. Is that show that big?

[C]

Well, yeah. And. And. And. And then there's, you know, women, fashion accounts and influencer accounts who are like men. If you want to be hot, dress like 1990s JFK Jr. And it's like, well, would you be saying that if he wasn't a Kennedy?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, also, like, I don't think that that's, like, his style. I think that's just the style that people wore then.

[C]

Could be. Could well be.

[B]

Was Kennedy.

[A]

Like, we'll also just be smoking hot in the face like him.

[C]

He's a handsome.

[A]

He just was hot in the face.

[B]

Was he, though? Yeah, he was just a Kennedy, like Francis said.

[A]

No, he was hot in the face. Come on, bro.

[C]

In the face.

[A]

I don't think. I know. I Think jfk. I think his face hotness is a little bit overstated.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Is he. Was he. Is he like. People think he's hot?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

No.

[B]

Not my cup of tea, at least.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're telling me that even if you were wooed by his, like, politics talk, that he couldn't pin you down and have his way?

[B]

I mean, he probably could. He's definitely stronger than me if he really wanted to, but hopefully now.

[C]

Is he really stronger than you all took? Was one bullet. True, True.

[B]

Especially a bullet back then.

[A]

I think it was one bullet kind of a.

[B]

If you think about it, guns back then, too. It was like. That's like the equivalent of just like throwing the bullet.

[C]

Yeah. 50 Cent got shot nine times and then he put out. Get rid JFK. One bullet. Kick in the bucket.

[A]

Yeah. It's so weak.

[C]

Come on now.

[A]

One bouncy ass bullet that ping ponged around his car, just taking out everybody left and right.

[C]

Fairly sure Trump got hit with one and shot at like three or four times.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Survived. No big deal.

[A]

Yeah, he was fine.

[C]

So, quick story. Well, not a story. I'll stop prefacing, but I was in Palm beach this weekend, of course, for shooting some stuff.

[A]

Florida.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. I've never really spent time there. That's the richest place in America.

[A]

I think it is the hotbed for pedophilia, the bad people.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, it's definitely there.

[B]

It's pet. It's pedo central out there.

[C]

Like sanctuary. Yeah. But it's, you know, it's Trump's. His. It's his land.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Mar A Lago is on the island and he is there.

[A]

He came, he flew in to where?

[C]

Mar A Lago.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, yeah. And so the first night that I was there was Thursday, and I drove to this event that Rory McElroy was speaking at. Do you guys know Rory?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

You know Rory, the famed Irishman.

[C]

Yeah. And I, A friend of mine.

[A]

Is this my phone? He's doing it.

[C]

What the.

[B]

Turn that off.

[C]

I've never done that before.

[A]

Silent. It says silent.

[C]

No way. It's mine. I don't get that. Yeah, I don't.

[B]

My phone's never made a sound ever.

[A]

Not me, anyway.

[C]

Well, I drove up and Trump wasn't there yet on Thursday, so I just used the road that's along the water, which was cool. I mean, you drive by the biggest houses you've ever seen in your life. And I went to this place, this fancy spot, and it was a very intimate charity talk that Rory was giving. Only about 30 or 40 people there total. A friend of mine had bought these tickets, I think maybe through an auction or something, and he invited me and.

[A]

What is a charity talk?

[C]

It's like a. You know, he does like a Q and A. He does a Q and A about whatever. And then afterwards there's so few people that you can go up and, like, do a meet and greet. Basically, it's exclusive. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So he gets paid for it.

[C]

No, the money for that hour of his time, he's putting towards a charity of his choice.

[B]

Yeah, the Rory. The Rory charity. Yeah, his bank account chair.

[C]

Rory. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. And so he had. So everybody is paying to get access to him. They're paying money to a charity and he's waving his fee to charity so they can. The 30 people can ask him questions.

[B]

How much were the tickets?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

Probably a lot.

[C]

I didn't want to ask. Yeah, I would think a lot. Yeah. Because again, it was a level of intimacy with someone quite famous.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's.

[C]

That I was kind of like, what

[A]

on earth, 10 grand for two tickets?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

It's like being in a classroom.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

30 people.

[C]

And he gave his talk. And one thing that's interesting about Rory McElroy from an athlete's perspective is that he is very candid and does not. He must be a publicist, like, worst nightmare, because he expounds on questions that you're like, whoa, I did not expect him to give us that much information. Obviously someone asked him about, like, Liv and his thoughts on it, and. And he gave an answer that was so up to date and so behind the scenes that I was like, hey, dude, Rory, reel it in. You know, told some cool stories about winning the Masters. And then afterwards, of course, I'd had a couple cocker spaniels.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

What were you sipping on?

[C]

Negronis.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I went up with my buddy and we were. We waited till we were the last people to say hi to him. Yeah. So he'd done a lot of, like, nice to meet you. Thanks, Van. Thank you so much. Pictures, all that bullshit.

[A]

And

[C]

I went up and I said, is there anything that you can do in playing recreational golf that will cause your heart to race in such a way as to recreate or prepare you for the high stress moments you have in majors?

[B]

Good question.

[C]

Which basically is my way of being like, do you ever play for insane amounts of money?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Smart.

[B]

I thought you were. I thought you were going to ask, like, does he ever get like, does he feel anything from playing regular golf?

[C]

And he said. He said no.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He said, there's simply nothing that I can do in recreational golf that ever makes me give a fuck.

[B]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[C]

There's nothing.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, when you're playing for $20 million, it's probably hard to go back to.

[C]

I know, but like, dude, if he has a. What if he had to get a

[B]

double or a triple bogey on that one?

[C]

But if he. I mean, like, if he's playing with Michael Jordan, which I'm assum sure he has. Yeah, yeah, because they all live down there and. And Michael Jordan, his whole thing is people say, like, what do you want to play for? And he says, whatever makes you uncomfortable.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So Michael Jordan does not care if he's playing for $500,000 or 500 bucks or 50 bucks, so long as he knows it's an amount of money that if you lose, you're going to be.

[B]

You're going to be upset.

[C]

Yeah, but Rory McElroy, that's a big number between those two.

[A]

Yeah. Well, if he's playing down in Palm beach, he might have been playing with some other guys, too. Those guys can really make.

[B]

Yeah, they had.

[A]

The stakes can be high with those fellas.

[B]

Yeah, that's a great question.

[A]

Was there any media there or anything like that?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay, so it's just you. You guys hearing these answers to these things.

[C]

Yeah, it was cool.

[B]

I mean, what do you think MJ and Rory would play for?

[C]

Well, I don't know if.

[B]

Way richer than Rory for sure, but

[C]

I don't know if Rory throws money around in aj, you know? No, certainly not. But if you were to say, like, what is the portion of Rory's net worth that would make him uncomfortable to play around? A golf for mill might be. Might be 2 mil. I don't know, dude.

[B]

I feel like a mill.

[C]

Anyone's Rory McElroy might be like, north of 400. 500 million bucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And if you were to Google his net worth, I'm sure it wouldn't be right now.

[B]

It probably says like 20. 20 million.

[A]

Yeah, they never know now.

[B]

They're always off by almost all.

[C]

Then I said, Rory, did you watch the Internet Invitational?

[A]

And did he.

[C]

He said, no, I don't watch YouTube golf.

[B]

And did you say, like, you don't be. You don't got to be a dick about it.

[C]

And I had said to my buddy, I go, I think there's a decent chance he knows who I am.

[B]

I a shot.

[C]

And when Rory Said, no, I don't watch YouTube golf. I turned to my buddy and I went, well, that answers that. I've never been shoe box by a 5 foot 9 Lucky Charms elf.

[A]

No, don't come at him. He didn't do anything.

[B]

You can't come in.

[C]

Rory. All love for Rory.

[B]

He's not going to see it. He doesn't watch YouTube.

[C]

No, but what the reason, the reason you want, the reason that I thought he was talking about how he told this amazing story. Now, this is very inside golf, so forgive me. I'll just tell as quickly as possible. He said this story about how the reason he missed his five or six foot putt in regulation in the Masters to beat Justin rose on the 18th hole was because he has always watched people miss that putt on the high side. If you recall, you probably don't. His putt broke left of the hole and he missed it below the hole. But he said that he. He's like, I'm obsessed with golf. I watch so much golf.

[A]

Where does he watch it on?

[C]

And he was like, I was watching the women's Amateur Open Championship at Augusta.

[B]

I believe it's pronounced amateur the way

[C]

they say it, I think. I don't know. You're right. Some reason they say amateur in golf, and I don't know why. Kind of cool.

[B]

I like it.

[C]

But he was like, there was this Spanish woman who had the same putt I did, and she played at right edge and made it. So I had that in mind. And that was why I aimed right edge and I hit the putt I meant to hit and it just broke a lot more. He said, Justin Rose, when the dust had settled two months later, they were out at something and they'd had some drinks and they finally, like, were talking about their. Their round because they were in the playoff against each other. Justin Rose came up to him and he said, where did you aim that putt in regulation? And Rory said, right edge. And it broke a lot more than I thought. And usually whenever I see people miss that, plus they miss it on the high side. And Justin Rose said, well, that would have been true if the pin position had been in the nine spot that day, if it had been nine paces on from the green, but instead it was 10 paces on from the green. And that means that in the 10 paces on from the green spot, the. The green side bunker pulls the putt more left than the 9 position does. And he was like. And given that it was one pace further, you needed to aim outside of the hole. And Rory was like, I really wish that I prepared for golf tournaments the way that you do Justin Rose. And I thought that was like, as a golf nerd, that we were all geeking out over this. Like, that's nuts.

[A]

So Justin Rose prepares more than Rory McElroy.

[B]

How did he know? The 10 step versus or the 10 pace versus the.

[C]

You have a. You get given a card that shows the pin positions and you know exactly where that pin position is. But what's crazy is that based on where that pin position is, anywhere you're putting from on the green has a different break.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And it would seem to me that Justin Rose and his caddy in all likelihood know from an encyclopedic standpoint that based on where their ball is on the green, putting into that pin position, they know exactly how it's going to break.

[B]

That's crazy. Probably for like, every single course on the planet.

[C]

Certainly the Masters.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's fucking nuts.

[C]

That's that crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What a great guy. So he is. He's on the tinier side because I always see him on TV and I'm like, his pecs look really.

[C]

Oh, he's. He's very strong. He's very buff. I mean, he works out like a maniac.

[A]

But you're saying that since he's like. He has like these tiny short arms, like, bench pressing really isn't even like a thing to him, you know, because he's.

[C]

Yeah, that's exactly right. You know, you look and you're like, is he even reaching?

[A]

Full extension, Wide grip and short arms, like, that's like a little.

[B]

He's doing the power lifting stance. Yeah, just drop it like one. One inch.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, yeah, £500.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He's got like 17.

[A]

See, I didn't know that. You never know how big these guys are on television.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Are there any huge golfers, like, not fat, but, like, really tall or like super.

[B]

Jack Brooks has got to be pretty big. Koepka.

[C]

He's certainly very strong. I don't know how tall. I played Michael Jordan's course the next day, Grove 23. And he is usually out there on a Friday, but he wasn't, I don't think, that day. But I saw Wayne Gretzky and I saw Dustin Johnson, who's married to Wayne Gretzky's daughter Paulina, of course. And Dustin Johnson is like 6 4. He is maybe 65 even, of course, really tall.

[A]

So he's probably got her.

[C]

Screw.

[B]

Was he partying dj?

[C]

Not that I saw him cuz.

[A]

He likes to.

[B]

He likes to party.

[C]

Sure does. Sure does.

[A]

Which makes you think that Wayno and MJ like to party, too.

[C]

I know Wayne likes to drink.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Riggs played that course with Wayne Gretzky.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's pretty cool.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So deserving of his. Of his richest. Riggs. I love him.

[B]

Say Gretzky. Damn straight.

[A]

Not. Not Gretzky, but Riggsy is.

[B]

I feel like Gretzky gets a. Gets a. I don't want to say he's overrated.

[A]

Oh, you think Gretzky gets slobbed off too much?

[B]

A little. I mean, you watch the videos of him playing, and you're like, yeah. I mean, every half, the guys can't even skate.

[A]

You're saying he's playing against Plumbers? He's playing Plumbers.

[C]

There are some greats from that era. Mark Messi. All you had to do to be

[B]

great in that era was just not be an alcohol. Just don't be faced while you're playing.

[C]

I disagree. I disagree. I still think that there. That was excellent hockey.

[A]

Did you ever see that? Wayne Gretzky did a foot race against the best athlete from every sport at that time.

[C]

Killed them.

[A]

And he. He, like, won by, like, 20 meters or something like that. Like, his. His athleticism is off the charts. His skill is off the charts.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no.

[B]

He's the greatest of all time.

[C]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

Don't. Don't run from getting scathed in the comments right now because you're saying the great one wasn't so great.

[B]

He's obviously the great one.

[A]

Call. Call.

[B]

Let's call Whitner.

[A]

Whit, Right now.

[C]

We got a Vegkin fan over here.

[A]

Yeah, we got a big McDavid guy. McDavid has lost two finals in the Olympics in a row.

[B]

McDavid's a great player, obviously. He's no Gretzky, but no Ovechkin. I would put over McDavid.

[A]

What about Cross about the kid, too?

[B]

I mean, McDavid's never won a Stanley cup, so it's like.

[A]

So no Americans? You wouldn't put any Americans in that conversation.

[C]

What's going on here?

[B]

Hello's, Bo.

[C]

Hey, Harry. How's Ron? How's he holding up?

[B]

Wanted to do a little temperature check on Ron. I got information that Austin is taking Mook and Jerry out to dinner tomorrow in Chicago. No invite? No invite for the boy? Actually, they did invite me, and I was like, I'm not flying to Chicago for a dinner.

[A]

That sounds like.

[C]

What?

[A]

What is it? In Jerry Maguire, where Jay Moore takes Jerry Maguire out and he fires him in a very public place because he doesn't want him to make a scene.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

I think. Doesn't Austin know that Jerry will make a scene no matter what?

[B]

Oh, yeah, it doesn't matter.

[A]

Jerry's not afraid of making a scene.

[B]

Yeah. More public might be more of a scene, honestly.

[A]

But he just wanted to get Mook out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Mooc out of his house.

[C]

What's going on with Mook's haircut?

[B]

Mook's having a tough time.

[C]

What's going on there?

[B]

Well, he got. He got the hair transplant. Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Sorry, sorry.

[B]

Yeah, but he didn't shave. He didn't get the full. He thought it would be like a better to go like. Like a hybrid. Like don't shave the top. Keep the top hair. And only get. Because he got what you did. He got just the front. And it didn't. It. It was. It was tough. But he can finally wear hats again.

[A]

So it didn't take it.

[B]

I don't know if I don't know.

[C]

You know what makes me happy is that he always wears that shirt I bought him. Yeah, that's his favorite shirt.

[B]

The flannel.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I think he's been wearing it a lot because he can't wear T shirts.

[C]

Don't.

[B]

Don't.

[C]

Don't do that.

[B]

He told me. He's like. I've just been walking around in like underwear and flannels.

[C]

You're telling me that this is his like recuperation?

[B]

I think. I think it's a gown.

[C]

I thought it was just like going out shirt.

[B]

I mean, it might be. Who knows?

[A]

It's like a smock that he paints him.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

This is his convalescence.

[B]

I think he might. I don't think he's taken it off since he got back from Turkey.

[A]

He can't.

[B]

Yeah, it's locked on.

[A]

You can't take it. It's like a chastity shirt.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Damn, dude.

[A]

His one true love can take it off. I think it's a really nice shirt. I don't know why he's.

[B]

I think it's a great shirt too.

[C]

I gotta get him another one. Yeah, he deserves a one to have. Maybe like Houston, you know, like when people get another dog so that the other one has one to play with. Yeah, of course.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I think that shirt is an emotional support. Be in the closet next to something else.

[A]

Why don't some Japanese denim.

[C]

Well, I don't. I don't even really work with him.

[B]

Why don't you guys go go shopping when you're in Houston?

[C]

Yeah, we could do that. That's a good idea.

[B]

Pick up some flannel.

[A]

I think people were really liking your selvedge denim in the, in that coffee making video that I put up. Everybody's like, his denim is really nice.

[C]

Yeah. And everyone was like making fun of how I'm barefoot in my apartment and I'm like, Well, I don't. I don't really wear shoes in my apartment because I keep it clean. I mean, I wear like hiking boots in Harry's apartment.

[A]

Yeah, you have to wear.

[C]

You got to wear like Gore Tex.

[A]

You have to be elevated off the ground.

[C]

Vibram. Like I don't even know if those are high enough for Harry's apartment. You're going to.

[B]

My apartment's clean as hell. Tetanus cleaner than ever, honestly.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Keep that clean.

[A]

Just a carpet of needles on the ground, people. Needles.

[B]

The Harry.

[C]

When Harry gets. Gets into bed at night, he has to sit on the side of the bed and then with a brush.

[A]

You ever see basketball players checking into a game and they wipe their feet off?

[C]

That's it. He's got one of those sticky mats.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

At the foot of the bed.

[B]

That's not true. But I will say, at one of my first departments, I definitely had to do that. And it was nasty.

[C]

That's pretty tough. Yeah.

[B]

There'll be like crumbs and everywhere.

[C]

Right? Crumbs.

[B]

We just didn't keep it clean now though. I mean, I'm vacuuming. I'm always got the vacuum out. If I got spare time, I'm using the vacuum.

[A]

What do you have? Dyson Shark.

[B]

I got a Coleman.

[C]

I got a Dyson. And I've. I've started vacuuming a lot because I have coffee grounds everywhere.

[B]

Of course I cleaned it up. Got to keep the place clean.

[A]

People were saying that you could keeping your coffee above your stove is. Can affect the temperature or like keeping it in direct sunlight.

[C]

I know. I don't even really use the stove, if I'm honest. I'm not home at all these days, so I'm not cooking that much. And if I am cooking, I'm using my air fryer.

[B]

Understandable.

[C]

But they were upset that I had jeans on and no shoes and I was close to leaving. So I was pretty much dressed but for my footwear.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why do people care if you were wearing shoes in your apartment?

[C]

Listen, people come after me.

[B]

Do they want you to be wearing or they were mad because you didn't have socks on.

[C]

People come after me because I put myself out there.

[A]

Because you live your life.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, to be fair, Francis cares about cleanliness in his apartment. He made me take off my pants before I sat on his couch. Oh, yeah. He said no.

[C]

I made him take off his pants before he sat on my.

[A]

He said no outside clothes on my.

[C]

Yeah. You don't know where those pants have been.

[A]

People. People are really obsessive about, like, outside clothes on the bed and stuff like that.

[C]

I know. I used to. I remember the first time someone told me they were like, you're really gonna wear your pants on my bed? And I was. I'd never even considered about that being an issue. But then now I do kind of get it. I mean, I sit on the subway. Yeah. And there's some. And then you see the people that sleep on the subway.

[B]

I don't even think it's. I think it's the people that just have their bare ass on the subway.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They're coming.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. They're bear coming. Ass. Ass. They're grilled cheese. Ass on the.

[B]

On the subway.

[A]

Yeah. But I also, like, are. They were like, are you gonna get sick off of pants in the bed, or is it just.

[B]

That's just like, an insane germaphobe. There's no way you're transferring.

[A]

I think it's valid that it is kind of gross, but, like, I also don't think anything's gonna come of it.

[B]

Definitely not.

[C]

Maybe not. I don't know, though. That's how, you know, bedbugs. Get into clothing. Get into the bed.

[A]

I'm less interested or less likely to put my pants on a toilet seat than my bare ass cheeks. Like, I feel like it's dirtier if I sat with my pants on a toilet.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Than my. My bare ass skin. Which is. Which is weird, right?

[B]

No, I don't think so. I've never really understood the whole, like. Like, your ass is clean outside of, like, the inside of it, but it's like, my ass is covered up all the time. Like, my ass cheeks are clean as hell. You know what I mean? So, like, the. The, like, sitting down on a toilet seat has never really grossed me out because it's like, I'm assuming the other person is the same.

[C]

What if it's wet?

[B]

Well, then that's pee.

[C]

And then what?

[B]

Then disgusting.

[C]

Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah.

[B]

But I'm saying, like, if someone used my toilet and then I went and used it afterwards, I'm not gonna.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Totally. Fine.

[A]

Yeah. But you are going. If you've thought about it, you are going ass to ass with that person.

[B]

Yeah. You're going ass to ass. But it's like, you got to assume that person's ass cheeks are probably pretty clean as well.

[C]

I guess the question is, gun to your head. If someone said, both of you pull your pants down, bend over, and then back up until your asses are flush, would you have an issue?

[B]

I would have no problem with that. Yeah. I mean, like, I wouldn't want to do that. No, no. Like, that's not like.

[A]

But it would be. It wouldn't be from a cleanliness point of view.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it'd be from your latent homophobia.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

But, like, you'd have to go ball sack to ball sack.

[B]

That would be the risk that's risking. If you'd have to tape up bacteria transfer.

[C]

Yeah. It'd be. It'd be like those.

[A]

That.

[C]

That little device where the two balls kind of. On a lawyer's perpetual. Yeah. Mask.

[B]

Yeah. Because my balls are not clean.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At all.

[A]

And then you get your balls. Start Rube Goldberg off of each other and create a chain reaction.

[B]

Yeah. No, I.

[A]

The ass.

[B]

Like, even my. My. I would say my frontal region is not very dirty either.

[A]

Where are you talking about? Touch. Show me on the doll where you're

[B]

talking about the frontal region. The Netherlands.

[A]

Are you talking about your. Your penis shaft or the front of your legs?

[B]

I'm talking about the whole frontal region of the penis.

[C]

The balls, the. You know, sometimes people are like, oh, you have a podcast. Where can I find it? And I'm like, I don't think you should listen. These are those moments.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Where there are these people that I meet where I'm like, I'm not even gonna tell you the fucking name. Don't Google it. Don't find it.

[B]

I'm just saying I don't think it's like a speakeasy.

[A]

You need a password.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, it's kind of like when you piss.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's a lot of pressure to wash your hands after you pee. Right. From society as a whole. But if you're in your own apartment and you go, like. Say you're playing video games. You go over. You just take a quick piss.

[C]

This.

[B]

Is it necessary to go through a full wash after that?

[C]

No, I wouldn't say so.

[B]

Like, I mean, that almost feels harmful to the skin of the hands. Because I'm peeing. When I'm gaming, I'm peeing. I mean, every 15 minutes oh, but

[A]

you're taking it right back to the controller.

[B]

It's going. I mean. Yeah.

[C]

Why are you peeing so often?

[B]

Because I'm drinking a lot of fluids. Caffeine, water.

[A]

And caffeine's a diuretic. So that'll get the pee out of you. Exactly, because you can get the liquid into you.

[B]

So I guess that's my question.

[A]

Well, people say that, like, in reality, a lot of people wash their hands after they touch their dick, but you should be washing your hand before. But what they don't account for is shaft sweat. That. That there can be sweat. You know, if you had a strenuous day or walking in the heat, there could be a sweaty situation on your. On your shaft.

[B]

I could see that. I could see that. I just feel. Still feel like. Like my hands get sweaty a lot. They're a little sweaty right now.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm not rushing to the bathroom to wash them.

[C]

I will definitely wash my hands after I pee, but I sometimes will not wash my hands after I finger, because those are good enzymes.

[B]

I thought you were gonna say after you shit.

[C]

You want that. You want that probiotic biotic culture?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

If you actually take that residue off your hands and put it in some yeast, you can make sourdough. A lot of people don't know that.

[A]

Called the mother.

[B]

That's the starter.

[A]

That's the starter.

[B]

This is my starter.

[C]

Pass down from generation to generation.

[B]

Like, look, I wash my hands. I wash my hands. Of course, after I. I'm washing my hands. You have to.

[A]

Well, because you don't know how to wipe without getting all over your mitts.

[B]

No idea. But if I'm pissing, like, I'll. I would say I'm shooting 60%. If I'm pissing in public, I'm always washing.

[C]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Are you boys. Dude wipe. Dude wipe, men. Yeah, always. You have some at the crib right now?

[B]

Yes, I do. Literally.

[C]

I feel like we got other stuff we can get into here.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, let me tell you one other quick thing. So I was telling you that the. That when Trump comes on the island, they shut down the road.

[B]

Yeah. Which islands? Little St James or Mar a Lago?

[C]

Palm Beach. But what's weird is that they shut down the road past Mar a Lago, but you can pull up alongside it, and you take this bridge onto Palm beach, and you can go south of Mar a Lago. And I did that. And when I say that there were more heavily armed dudes walking around, first of all, there were, like, Four different sheriffs there, which to me, I thought there was only one sheriff in a county, in a town or a county.

[A]

Huh. What were they like? What were the. Where were their municipalities or jurisdictions?

[C]

I don't know what the. What it's called.

[A]

How could you tell there were different sheriffs?

[C]

Well, because they had the vest that said sheriff on it. And then I saw multiple cars that said sheriff car. I don't think one sheriff has four cars.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

In Palm beach, maybe.

[C]

And they, they were all. They all. There were a couple different sheriffs there, and then there were dudes that were like paramilitary looking. And then there were just cops. But these were. These guys were not around.

[B]

No, no.

[C]

And I would. When I say that I was driving through there at three miles an hour, I mean, like, I was going real,

[A]

real fast to look or so. Because you were afraid.

[C]

It's just, my God, I don't want to do any. I don't want to go the wrong way. There's cones all over the place. You kind of have to weave in and out of this makeshift lane they've created.

[B]

So were you in

[A]

West Palm while.

[B]

While we attacked Iran?

[C]

I was in Palm beach while we.

[B]

Was Trump there?

[A]

Yeah, that's what he started the story with. Trump was there?

[B]

Well, he said Trump wasn't there in the beginning, and then he got there. Right.

[C]

I think he flew in on Friday because he. He wasn't there on Thursday because there

[A]

was a party to celebrate the bombing that night.

[B]

Yes, yes, yes.

[C]

And. And yeah, he flew. I don't know where he was coming from. I'm assuming came. He come. He came down from Washington.

[B]

Yeah, probably.

[C]

Someone. Someone told me that, like, when he comes down there, he. There's a cargo plane that flies multiple of the Cadillac beast down. That's. That's what it's called. That's what that presidential car is called.

[B]

Can anyone buy it?

[C]

No, I don't think so. But he has, he has a few of them because there's the one he goes around in and then there are decoys.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Do they all have, like, the same license plate?

[C]

I'm sure they're identical.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be pretty cool.

[A]

Or if it wasn't, it'd be like, whoa. Yeah, yeah, just follow the one with the rest.

[C]

But that's. That's every weekend.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that.

[C]

There's a gigantic transport plane with like seven beasts, 10,000 pound Cadillacs.

[B]

Yeah. That's insane.

[C]

Coming in just to be the decoys.

[B]

How much you think it would cost to get one of those made the

[A]

Beast probably like almost a million dollars.

[B]

Probably more.

[A]

No, they bet they.

[B]

I bet they've got some shit that we've never even heard of.

[A]

Yeah, they probably have the nuclear codes in there, everything. Do you think all of them are identical or. One is always the.

[B]

There's got to be one that's better than the other.

[A]

Okie doke.

[B]

Like, he's got to get in one. One, like he's got. There's probably occasional times where he gets in and he's like, oh, this one?

[C]

Yeah, Beast. I thought the, the young boy in me when I drove by all that security and all that stuff was like, this is cool.

[A]

Oh, yeah, it is.

[C]

But then on Sunday I was flying home from Palm beach airport and we taxied out from our gate and the pilot said, all right, everybody, we've got some bad news. We were so close to making it, but we are now going to have to hold for vip, a VIP package or something like that. Which meant that Trump was taking off with Air Force One from the airport. And he gets the Runway and then the airspace.

[B]

What is that, five hour delay?

[C]

No, it was only like half an hour.

[B]

Oh, that's not bad.

[C]

It wasn't as bad as I thought, but I was like, okay, this isn't really that cool. If you lived in Palm beach, you'd have to deal with this all the time. All the time. All the time.

[B]

But also, there's probably a lot of people in Palm beach that fly private.

[C]

That's true.

[B]

And. Or never leave Palm Beach.

[C]

That's true. But I think that. I don't know if Palm. If they, they might use Palm Beach Airport to fly private. It's only 15 minutes from the island.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

I don't know if there's a closer airport.

[A]

Did you go to the breakers while you were down there?

[C]

No.

[A]

Are you not a fan?

[C]

It was, it was sold out and I just, I was busy. I was shooting golf stuff or.

[A]

I didn't know if they have that, that bar with like the aquarium in it.

[C]

I think that was supposed to be really cool. Are you talking about Cucina?

[A]

Is that the name of the bar?

[C]

I don't know. I don't know Palm beach that well. But like, you know, I guess it's a cool place. It's a little weird.

[A]

It's cool for a certain type of people. If you're like a 65 year old international businessman, it's probably like an awesome place.

[C]

Yeah, the saying. Somebody told me this, which was cool. They were like, I used to Think that Palm beach was old and rich and then I moved down here and and realized I'm neither or something like that. Like you don't realize what it means to be old and rich until you get to Palm beach where everybody's like 80 and has three Ferraris.

[A]

Yeah, it's so insane.

[C]

The amount of Ferraris and Lamborghinis is nuts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is just the entry fee to get into Pal beach because like Jupiter is super rich. Like there's you know, 30, 50 million dollar houses in Jupiter. But like just to be on the Palm beach, the terra firma is a different level of wealth.

[C]

Yeah, that's what it was one day, kid.

[B]

Hopefully.

[C]

I used to think I was old and rich until I moved to Palm beach and then I realized I was neither.

[A]

Yeah, that's good.

[C]

That's what the saying was.

[A]

It's a good ass.

[C]

I think that's everything I had on Palm beach that just the Trump proximity was surreal. And on a more serious note, my brother in law is currently deployed in the Middle east and this is the first time that like I've had a true close family member deployed in a pretty scary situation. And you know, my two nieces and my nephew are like my three favorite people in the entire world and I've spent a lot of time with them recently.

[A]

Ouch.

[C]

And I just want to say that like I really admire families that can soldier on while their loved ones, fathers, mothers, whatever, are fucking under fire in active war zones.

[B]

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[C]

I don't know how you sleep at night.

[B]

I mean, I'm sure they don't.

[C]

I really don't know. Yeah, I mean you're what? You're what, you're going to bed, waking up hoping that you have the right text every morning.

[B]

I'm sure there's like some. I'm sure there's comfort in little things. Like I'm sure like knowing where they're at, where they are and stuff.

[C]

I guess.

[B]

Like it's not like everyone's like running into Iran right now. Like there's like, they're like Iran is different.

[C]

Bombing everything in sight. Yeah. Is sending. They're just spraying missiles right now.

[B]

Well, they're attacking like Israel mostly in

[C]

American bases in Dubai, Yemen, Kuwait.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Jordan.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Everywhere.

[B]

Yeah. It's not good.

[A]

Sass is trying to tell you that you shouldn't be worried about it, but I think that you're valid for being.

[B]

I don't think that's what I'm saying that at all.

[A]

Not a big deal. What families go through and what soldiers do.

[B]

No, I was saying, like, there's probably. I'm sure. I was. I meant, like, I'm sure the families of the soldiers probably have information that, that we obviously don't have.

[C]

I don't necessarily know that, like, more information always makes you feel better. I think in a lot of cases it makes you feel more worse.

[B]

Yeah. But I mean, I'm. I'm. What, I'm. What I meant was like, like I would rather find out, like, oh, they're in this base, that's nowhere near anything that's happening.

[A]

But if they. What if they're not?

[B]

Then, yeah, it's probably pretty tough.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, that's what I think he's saying.

[B]

I'm agreeing.

[A]

I agree. You're saying that it doesn't matter what the soldiers go through.

[B]

Not even close to anything that I've said.

[A]

Crazy to say. And I. You', brother in law has my deepest gratitude.

[C]

And mine. And, and.

[A]

And that's where it ends.

[C]

Yeah. I'm sorry that sass is the way he is.

[A]

That's so. It's so weird.

[C]

It's definitely, I mean, affecting me on a personal level right now.

[B]

We're crazy.

[C]

You know, as. As a member of the US military myself, I.

[A]

Well, you could qualify for USA just based on this.

[C]

I care about the 20% off on black Friday.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

For active members of the military.

[A]

Yeah. What's the one that Rob Gronkowski's always doing?

[B]

Usa.

[A]

Yeah. Does he even qualify for that?

[B]

I don't think so. I think I looked it up and it was like he has no ties to the military at all. I might be wrong about that. Who knows? I'm sure someone.

[A]

Yeah. That's got to be a crazy situation for. How's your family doing? Are they just pretty? Pretty?

[C]

My folks are with my sister. You know, she's got a one year old, a three year old, and a five year old. It's like.

[A]

How long is his deployment?

[C]

Five months.

[A]

Damn bad. Five months.

[B]

It's a long time.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did he just get deployed this weekend?

[C]

Like three weeks ago? Four weeks ago.

[A]

Oh, so. Because they knew in anticipation.

[C]

No, no, that was when he was always scheduled to go.

[B]

Where's he at, if you don't mind Me?

[C]

I don't know if I'm allowed to say. I really don't know if I'm allowed to say. I don't know.

[B]

You don't.

[C]

You don't have to, but it's not good.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

He's not in Portugal that'd be so

[A]

sick to be in Italy right now, you know? Yeah, that's nuts.

[B]

I don't know if I would want to be anywhere in, like, Europe.

[A]

Europe?

[B]

Just anywhere in that region. That whole region.

[A]

You're talking about a whole different region, though.

[C]

You mean. Just not independent of the war. You don't want to be anywhere on this. You want to be home.

[B]

I want to be on the left side of the map right now.

[C]

You don't even want to be in the office right now. You want to be home. We know this about you.

[B]

No, I meant in Europe.

[C]

My God, are you out of your mind? At a time of war, I just

[B]

wouldn't want to be anywhere.

[A]

You barely made it to the office last Monday, and you live up the block from the office. You were adamant that you did not want to come in.

[B]

I didn't want you guys to risk your lives.

[C]

We also knew I would have made it. We sprinkle these funny things into the chat. Bcc, which, check that out if you haven't. But we had this. I was. I. I got into the Uber first, and then Roan got in the Uber, and we were gonna go pick up Harry, and I filmed Roan getting in. It was, you know, two feet of snow.

[A]

Jovial Roan.

[C]

Here we go. Snow day. Wow. We're doing it. Ah. Get to Harry. Francis, turn that thing off. Oh, you're right.

[B]

Why? I opened the door, and you got a camera in my face.

[C]

I have a phone.

[B]

It's a camera.

[C]

We work in content.

[B]

Not that kind of content. Not Ubering over to the office.

[A]

You got off and you got out on the wrong side of the bed that morning.

[C]

Sure did.

[A]

But you got.

[B]

I was coming off of a long weekend.

[A]

That's what it was.

[B]

A lot of streaming.

[A]

And the Austin dinner, too, Was. Was a week away at that point.

[B]

Yeah, true, true. I should have known the Austin dinner was looming. The impending Austin dinner?

[A]

Yeah. Austin's gonna be on their ass. What if he sends them off to war? What if he's like. Like, you guys are fucking so damn good at Call of Duty that we actually need you guys to enlist?

[B]

That wouldn't be any of us, that's for sure.

[C]

Son of a boy. Dad is brought to you by Experian, everybody. Experian offers features like subscription cancellation, where Experian scans the accounts you link, finds recurring charges, and puts the power in your hands. You can keep the subscriptions you want and cancel the ones you no longer need. Experian can cancel over 200 eligible subscriptions. To. From streaming services to entertainment apps and more experience. Bill negotiation could also help put money back in your pocket. Their expert negotiators could help you by finding better rates on eligible bills you're already paying. The best part, you get to keep 100% of your savings. I was going through and seeing a number of my recur. There's nothing worse than when you get that, like, charge on your credit card that you don't even know. It's like, from service. You signed up for years before vaguely,

[A]

like, labeled on there and you don't

[C]

even know your login information. You deleted that app a long time ago, whatever the hell it is. You're like, golly, what I've just paid for another year of this brutal Experian can help you out. Results will vary. Not all bills or subscriptions are eligible. Savings not guaranteed. Paid membership with connected payment account required. See experian.com for details. Get started in the Experian app now.

[A]

Yeah, you're getting so much worse at video games.

[B]

I'm getting worse. Everyone I'm playing with is getting worse.

[A]

It's not good because you're doing the administrative stuff, though.

[B]

Yeah, I'm not. I've moved on to different games. I play Valorant now.

[A]

Really? No, you don't.

[B]

Yeah. Val.

[A]

No, you don't.

[C]

Val Kilmer.

[B]

Yeah, I've been playing Val and cs. I'm a mouse and key guy. It's pretty fun.

[A]

You're getting a new laptop.

[B]

I think so, yeah. I might go. I might go do that after this.

[C]

You might need to fucking slow down on your electronics.

[B]

This would be the last big one.

[A]

Yeah. People get on you for spending on your La Marzoco.

[C]

I have stopped and I have a. I have a new goal. All it took was a goal to get me to stop spending, which is that I want to save $100,000 by the end of the year.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[C]

Save. I want to have it.

[B]

That's nice.

[C]

I want to be able to look at a bank account or an investment account and just say there's $100,000.

[A]

100,000 new dollars.

[C]

Yeah. From. From this point forward I have, is what I have to say.

[A]

What's your plan to. I mean, $2,000 a week that you put aside could do it.

[C]

Well, not quite a little more. Just a little bit more. But.

[B]

But two bands a week, what could

[A]

get them to a hundred thousand over the course of a year?

[B]

Yeah, a lot.

[C]

It seems like a lot, but it's not so hard. If I stop buying trousers that are Spun from endangered spider species.

[A]

That was a sick shirt, though, the spider shirt.

[C]

Feel this one. Feel this one. Have you felt this? Feel that shirt. They felt silk.

[A]

This is so bottom.

[C]

Well, they're both. I mean, this is also.

[A]

This is a really nice fabric on this too. Oh, my God.

[C]

Feel that all good over here.

[A]

Like, if you, like, rub some grease on it, it might disintegrate. It's really thin.

[C]

It's a fabric called Cupro. I don't know.

[A]

I've never. Bro's got new fabrics.

[C]

Never even heard of it.

[B]

So the.

[C]

The.

[B]

The current MacBook Pro. Tyler, is that what you have? How much is that? Or Was that the M5?

[A]

Why are you acting like he bought it? Marshall just gives everybody laptops. But there is a guy over there named Tyler who is now in charge of the laptops, and he had a stack of them on his desk. Brand new ones. Because the new ones are a little bit more square. I mean, I assume they're for editing, so they probably are. Like, they probably have all the ram.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. Classic. Classic OS user here.

[A]

Yeah, big time.

[B]

No, I think those are the nice ones. But those are M4. M4, not the M5.

[A]

Well, he probably has the M5s. How new is yours? Yeah, his is old. Like Tyler, though.

[B]

That's still a solid piece of machinery. The M5 and A and a. And a proper gaming laptop are the same price kind of gaming laptop being a little bit more expensive.

[C]

Why do you need a gaming laptop?

[B]

Because I travel.

[C]

But you bring your Steam punk.

[B]

Yeah, but that thing that requires, like, I just want to be able to, like. Like, first of all, that thing, it's. It's more for handheld, like, games. Like, independent solo person games. Not really. Like, multiplayer online games. And I like multiplayer online games. And the. The gaming laptop would kind of just solve all those issues. It's got a bit more advanced hardware.

[C]

The seven women who listen to our podcast all reached out to me and told me that we should stop talking about gaming so much. No, but guess what? You.

[B]

Yeah, they're wrong.

[C]

We got nothing wrong. We covered war. We covered Trump.

[A]

We did the most masculine. Huh?

[B]

We still have more to. We could still talk about more. More about the war. I mean, make it dive down.

[C]

You want to get back down that rabbit hole?

[B]

No, I don't want to talk about it.

[C]

No, I think you've said enough.

[B]

I've said enough. People aren't happy with me, but that's okay.

[A]

They're not. What'd you say?

[B]

What did you Say I said some stuff about Israel that people weren't happy about.

[C]

Oh, that is what you're talking about. I thought you meant just now when you insulted the families of active duty military.

[B]

No, I was kind of trying to twist that into being more like trying to make it not as dark. And I think I failed pretty brutally at it.

[C]

You know what's sad to me is that when you piss on the flag, you don't even wash your hands after.

[B]

I don't piss on the flag.

[C]

First of all, 60 of the time, you have to wash your hands after you piss on the flag.

[B]

Do you have a flag in your apartment?

[C]

Got 10.

[B]

No, you don't.

[C]

I got. I'm a decath. A flagger.

[B]

I got a flag in my. I got a. I got a flag in my bedroom too.

[C]

Yeah, on the floor. That's what you wipe your feet on. You step into the bed. Like, man, it's really crunchy today.

[B]

I don't have any flags except for my Patriots flag, of course.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Still got the right colors, though.

[C]

Red, white, blue.

[A]

I have my folded up flag for my grandfather.

[C]

Really? Yeah. Where? There.

[B]

Because I've been to your apartment. I don't think I've ever seen it.

[A]

Well, that's not really for. For everybody. It's not art for public display. It's kind of more for personal reference. No, it's not hiding your Israel flag. I just keep it in a private place where I can access it. Just have, like, solemn moments alone with. With the country and the flag.

[B]

Yeah, I. I think everyone should.

[A]

I mean, I don't even put the flag on clothing because that's not what you're supposed to do. That's like, Francis knows this.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Let the flag touch the ground. You're not supposed to wear the flag ever. You're never supposed to have the flag backwards. You're not supposed to. You're not supposed to do any type. You're not supposed to change the flag anymore.

[C]

Bastardizing the flag.

[A]

No. Bastardizing, no. Putting stripes like thin blue line is like, against flag etiquette.

[B]

That can't be.

[C]

It's blast flagmas.

[A]

It's blast flag.

[B]

You're telling me that the thin blue

[A]

flag a tree is brazen? Flaggatory.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

You're not to do it.

[B]

What about the. What's it called?

[A]

Lgbtq? Yeah.

[B]

Bad.

[A]

Very bad.

[C]

The worst. Really?

[B]

That can't be.

[A]

I mean, learn a little bit about the flag.

[C]

It really is. You're not supposed to create alternative depictions of the flag.

[B]

What about the. So the pin. I don't know.

[A]

I don't like to wear a pin. I think people do have a patch.

[B]

Like, what if you got like, that's stolen valor, just rocking an American flag patch?

[A]

Yeah, that's stolen valor. Someone could be like, where did you serve? Where'd you do your pt, Your basic training?

[B]

But you. That doesn't signify that you served.

[A]

It suggests it.

[B]

I like America.

[A]

It's kind of asking for like 5% off at cold Stones.

[B]

I mean, maybe if you were rocking, like, multiple patches, but if you just, you know, throw a patch, people who

[A]

are still doing stolen valor are almost deserve the discount.

[B]

I think now's the time

[A]

if, you know, have you seen the videos online and you still are brave enough to go out and do it, that's like the same valor as a soldier.

[B]

I don't think it's even that hard. I think you just gotta. You just gotta do your research. That's really all it is. You can either be.

[A]

Prepare for the quiz that's coming, be

[B]

Rory McElroy, or you can be Justin Rose. Justin Rose.

[C]

Have you seen the clip of Tucker Carlson talking about erotic.

[B]

There's been a lot.

[C]

Well, the one where he's. He's. I think it's a live speech in front of a lot of people, and he's kind of speaking back and forth with a. Either an interviewer or maybe it's a debate.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think I've seen it.

[C]

He's like. He's like, trump wants us to go after Iran. Iran, Iran. Since when do we have a problem with Iran?

[B]

Have you ever seen him laugh? Yeah, it's, like, shocking.

[C]

I know.

[A]

Yeah. It's like a Harry Potter character almost. He is a character.

[B]

He's putting out some good content lately, though. Is his interview with Mike Huckabee. You watch that?

[A]

No, I didn't see that one, but I did see that Nick Fuentes went full lib.

[B]

Yeah, Fuentes is lib now.

[A]

Crazy.

[C]

I'll be a Tucker Carlson fan for life. Tuck up. Tuck Everlasting over here. Yeah, for sure.

[B]

Tuck for life.

[A]

You've always been a shirt, Tucker. You love Tuck and it's just something about you. I think it's from your days back as a Fox News contributor.

[C]

That's right.

[A]

Do you put that as your. In your bio when it's like, that's

[B]

how he goes up at, like, the seller, you know, from Fox News?

[C]

I do not. Because I am not allowed. That would be Stolen Valor.

[A]

Why you did contribute.

[B]

There's so Many people that do like that in comedy.

[C]

Oh, I know.

[B]

You can just go up and be like.

[C]

Because it. I. Because I openly sort of.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Mocked the network. Yeah.

[A]

But it is when people put on their bio, like, you may know him from Netflix or something like that. It's just weird that you're. When people claim an entire network that's like, that's.

[B]

That's been a thing for a while. But, yeah, everyone does. From Comedy Central, anyone can go up and be like, you know him from

[A]

SiriusXM, from Jimmy Fallon.

[C]

What's so funny to me is when a host has not spoken to you before and asked you what you want your credit to be.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

And then they just go up and they're like, all right, this next guy, you've seen him on Comedy Central and the Tonight Show. And you're like, I've never done either of those things.

[B]

Someone did that to me. Someone said that I had a special on, like, Netflix or something. Like, I think it was right after I put out my don't tell set. And they're like, he's got a brand new special on Netflix. I was like, not quite.

[C]

YouTube.com In Pittsburgh, the staff came into the green room. They're like, listen, totally fine if you don't want this, but we got a local kid here. He actually works. He's bartending. He's great. He's open for a few of the people that have come through here. Any chance you want to throw him some time? I was like, yeah, sure. He can go up first, bring up Brandon. And he came back and. Nice kid, you know, it was very quiet and asked Brandon how he wanted to introduce him. And then Brandon went up and he did two shows. And the first show, he finished his set, and he was like, all right, everybody, are you ready to get this show started? Please welcome your first comic, like, Brandon Bardot. His name's Brandon Barrera.

[A]

He made a French.

[B]

Yeah, Bardot.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Like Bridget Bardot.

[C]

Yeah. And I was like, I wonder if Brandon's gonna address it. And he didn't. And then the second show Brandon, like, I think told him, was like, hey, just to clarify, it's Barrera. And the second show, he brought him up as, like, Brandon Billabong or some shit. Like, got it dead wrong again.

[B]

Yeah, that's tough.

[C]

And I was like, oh, boy, that's.

[A]

So you got to get the names right. Yeah, you have to get that. Or at least, I mean, Brandon should just be cracking and cracking a slick one about that. Tell them. Tell them what Your name is?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

If they want to Google you afterwards or whatever.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I've been on shows where that are, like, past the mic shows, and I've. And I've had to bring someone up, and I have to, like, write down their name.

[C]

Yeah, that's fine.

[B]

And then the entire, like, the last, like, five minutes of my set, every time I'm, like, trying to. Like, trying to reread it to see what the name is, because I never. I never can remember that.

[C]

That's fine. I don't think there's anything wrong in a show like that. I'm just being like, all right, everybody, that's my time. Next up, please welcome.

[B]

Yeah, check it out.

[C]

They don't care.

[A]

And you can fake it too. You'd be like, oh, who's next? Oh, this guy. Oh, I love him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you read the name, you know, text.

[B]

Like, it just came through. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, this is. Who's next.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You guys could be very excited about this one.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What is the.

[C]

Or what?

[A]

Were you gonna say something? No, no. What.

[B]

What is the largest purchase that is socially acceptable to make using cash?

[C]

Great question.

[B]

That's not a drug deal.

[C]

What a great question. Where is this coming from?

[A]

He wants to buy my laptop.

[C]

You want to buy it with cash?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Why do you want to buy it with cash?

[B]

Because I don't feel like using my credit cards. Like, I don't want to. I want to. I want to buy it, but I don't want to spend money, and I've had a lot of cash for a while, and I'm like, I may as well just use this. It's like, fake money. I never use it.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

I saw. I was in the Louis store a couple weeks ago, and I saw somebody buying Louis bags with cash.

[B]

Like, how much?

[A]

I mean, that's thousand. That's probably how much the laptop would cost. Like, a couple Louis bags and just, like, counting out hundreds.

[B]

But do they, like, if you go to a best buy with $3,000 in cash that are all hundreds, they have to take it.

[A]

It's legal. 10.

[C]

Do they, though? There are places I think they're gonna

[B]

be like, absolutely not. Not what? I don't know.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

I think especially when you're flashing the Benjamins. What? Oh, there's a lot of places.

[A]

Oh, the bigger bills are worse for us.

[B]

I think they. They think they're fake.

[A]

They'll check it. You use a little red marker. Any place that is taking cash, they. First off, you have to take legal tender. Like, you can't not take legal tender. That's like when the people go and pay a parking ticket in all pennies. That's legal because they can't not take it because it's legal. Yeah, yeah, it's legal tender.

[B]

So you think if you went in and you made like. You don't think I'm gonna be getting, like, flagged?

[A]

Who's flagging you?

[B]

Like, yo, where did this guy just come up with?

[C]

Where's all this paranoia coming from? I don't know.

[B]

I've always been, like, weirdly paranoid about. About the cash. Like, I've always been paranoid about even bringing it to the bank. That's why I've always had don't bring

[C]

it to the bank.

[B]

Why? Because they're gonna be like, where'd you get all this fucking cash?

[C]

The whole point of being paid in cash and having cash is so that you don't have to pay taxes on it.

[A]

It.

[B]

Yeah, but you still do.

[C]

It's not this cash spot. This is spot. You've been 1099.

[B]

It's spot pay from the last five years.

[C]

Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. But by and large, if I have. If I'm given a whole bunch of cash in general, I. I hold on to it. I use it to pay for, you know, cleaning.

[B]

That's what I've been doing. I've just always just held on to it. And just like, when I need cash, I just grab cash.

[A]

Have you guys ever encountered actual counterfeit money?

[B]

No, but I was at. I've. I think all this stems from. I was in Boston years ago, and I was at the McDonald's in. In the. At the train station. And I paid with. Someone paid with like a hundred dollar bill. And I remember them being like. Like they made a fuss about it. And I was like, do people not like when you pay with hundred dollar bills because they're like fake. People think they're fake.

[C]

They take that little marker, the red marker.

[A]

One time I was driving from Philadelphia to Maine on a road trip and I was driving with just a friend of mine. This is, you know, 10 plus years ago. And we stopped at a. A strip club that was called the Office Cafe. And it was disgusting and it was probably called the Office Cafe. So when you paid on. Or it was on a credit card or some kind of statement, people are like, oh, it's the Office Cafe. And it was a disgusting and bad.

[B]

If you drive by the Office Cafe billboard, it's just a girl.

[A]

Yeah, Just leg up in the air. But the bartender behind the bar, when we asked for change to tip, gave us all counterfeit money. So we gave a $20 bill or $40 or something like that, and they gave us $40 in fake ones or mostly fake ones, some mixed in. And I think they thought they were getting over on us. So if we took some of that money home with us, but we were

[B]

just giving it back.

[A]

Yeah, we were intending to, yeah. So they're really just duping their own strippers.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Whoever's working behind the. Duping their own strippers into us giving them Monopoly money that we're just throwing up.

[B]

Do you think that's like a cyst? Do you think they have like a system probably, but like people to tip with fake cash?

[A]

If they had just given us the real money, then they would have got. The strippers would have gotten the real money. So they're entering all this, like paper fake money into the system that doesn't need to be in the system because we're going to throw it all anyway.

[B]

That feels like the most insane thing I've like.

[A]

It's so dope.

[B]

Stripper and getting home and being like, every do. Why is every $F. What did I just do for the last six hours?

[A]

Every dollar. They didn't realize it. It's just such a. It was such a bizarre system.

[C]

Fake ones inside my thong for hours.

[B]

It's printer paper.

[A]

It really was like. It was so visibly where like they

[B]

like fuck up the scissors a couple times.

[A]

Ledges or you're throwing it, it's just like cutting them. It just like hits them.

[C]

Dude. I knew these two brothers who. They had a ton of cash and they. They went to a casino to buy a bunch of chips and then like gambled a little bit and then cashed out and got the money from the casino so that they wouldn't. It wouldn't be traceable.

[B]

Laundering, we call that washing the money. That's money washing.

[C]

I think maybe I'm. And then they. What did they do then?

[A]

They.

[C]

They had. They owed money to the. The, like the bank for the. The farm that they owned and they paid off the loan with that cash. And what was ironic about it was that the loan, they. Then they took out a. They made a trust through the very same bank that had. They paid the loan off from.

[B]

Not bad.

[C]

Not bad.

[A]

Well, these are really smart friends of yours.

[C]

Well, the boat. The bank didn't know that they'd actually found some oil on the. Oh, yeah.

[B]

What's this?

[C]

Ah, I'm thinking of that movie Hell or High Water.

[A]

Hell or High Water.

[C]

That's what that was.

[B]

That's one of the best movies I've ever seen.

[C]

Yeah, that is what that was. I thought that was a real life thing.

[B]

I didn't know. I didn't know that's what it was like. I knew it was obviously a movie. I just couldn't think of it.

[A]

I don't think I've seen Hell or High Water.

[C]

Really? I forgot that that was in that movie and not in my real life.

[A]

It could have been in your real life, though. Are you sure?

[C]

I don't have anyone who found oil. I'm from Maine.

[A]

I was surprised.

[B]

Have you never seen that?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, it's one of the best.

[C]

Like four or five times a banger. I just watch it. Chris Pine. Ben. What's his name?

[B]

I don't know the name.

[C]

Ben something.

[A]

Foster.

[C]

That sounds right.

[A]

So he's the best actor.

[C]

One of the best actors I've ever seen. I saw him in Bra on Broadway with Alec Baldwin in a play, and he was the best actor I've ever seen.

[A]

He's amazing. He was in. I mean, he was in 310 to Yuma. He was in

[B]

Jeff Bridges.

[C]

Jeff Bridges, Yep.

[B]

And Chris Pine and Ben Foster.

[C]

Rowan, if you haven't seen this, you have a treat.

[B]

Oh, it's one of the best.

[A]

That's so nice.

[B]

Have you ever seen, like, Wind River?

[A]

No, I've seen Moon River.

[B]

You haven't seen Wind River?

[C]

I think you should watch Hell or High Water first.

[A]

And then Wind River.

[C]

And then watch Wind River.

[B]

I mean, Wind. Have you seen it?

[A]

These are action flicks.

[B]

I mean, I don't even know if I would call them action.

[C]

Oh, Hell or High Water is a heist flick.

[A]

Yeah. It's tough to bring that shit home to my wife.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

These aren't, like. We're not. We're not recommending. Like, this is, like. These are like Wind river movies.

[C]

Wind river might be a little.

[B]

I mean, Wind river is a dark movie.

[C]

There's, like, rape scenes.

[B]

It's literally one of the best ever. It is. Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

But. But Heller, High Water is. Is totally safe, okay?

[B]

There is. Yeah.

[C]

In fact, I would have your boys watch it.

[A]

I'll put it in front of my boys first.

[B]

And Wind River.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[C]

That's not appropriate.

[A]

Stop trying to make my seed watch something. Like some.

[B]

See, I want them to be prepared

[C]

for life, God damn it.

[B]

And everything that's thrown their way.

[A]

This will not be thrown their way.

[C]

I'M almost certain you boys know when you're running away and it's negative 30. Don't run.

[B]

Wind river is. I wish I could watch that movie for the first time again.

[C]

It's good. I watched it.

[B]

Same with Hell or in High Water. Or High Water.

[C]

Give that a re.

[B]

Watch that one.

[C]

Pick that one up.

[B]

I've seen that movie like 10 times.

[C]

Yeah, well, then how did you not know? What?

[B]

I don't know the. Oh, I don't know. Because you were describing it in like a weird.

[A]

Because you said it happened to you

[C]

and he believed you telling the plot of the book.

[B]

Because for the first five. The first like 30 seconds, I believe you.

[C]

You.

[B]

And then you say something that's insane. And then I'm like, oh, okay, he's joking.

[C]

This is just about.

[B]

I've already.

[A]

No, no, I think I got it right away. And I didn't even know what movie it was.

[C]

Nobody thinks you had. Funny.

[B]

You had the movie.

[A]

I know, but I could tell that he didn't have friends that were laundering money and had found oil. But you're like, oh, once you said

[B]

the found oil thing, obviously I knew

[C]

I have to give you more and larger and larger crumbs, you know, to the point.

[B]

Sorry. I believe you guys. I'll stop, I'll stop.

[C]

I. I do admit I know that this bit is not funny to anyone else. No, it's my bit and I don't want you to find it funny.

[A]

I know. It is good.

[C]

It's a good bit. I came up with it myself.

[A]

If I knew that. If it was a movie, I knew I would have been. I was looking for something that I could add details to, but I just didn't know the movie. You gotta add details.

[B]

I just don't know. I don't know.

[C]

That would be good, right?

[A]

If I was adding. If I could piggyback and I just couldn't piggyback. That's my fault.

[B]

Know how you haven't seen either of those?

[A]

I'm just stuck watching Bravo shows, dude. I'm just trapped in the Matrix of Bravo shows.

[B]

Stock watching Bravo shows. You're putting them on.

[A]

You're right. I love them, dude. I love.

[B]

No one's making you watch Bravo shows

[A]

of Rhode Island's coming up. It's going to be incredible. Summer house, Southern charm.

[B]

I watched Requin for a Dream.

[A]

No, you didn't.

[B]

Yeah, I did.

[A]

It was Requiem for a Dream. Requiem.

[B]

Requiem.

[C]

You watched that?

[B]

Yeah. I didn't think it was that dark.

[C]

I've never seen it. And I won't watch it because I. I'm afraid of what it will do.

[B]

It's really not just crack the book, brother.

[C]

Is that it?

[B]

Yeah, it's really not as like the book. I think it was probably super fucked up when it came out.

[C]

Staring at it now you're like, is this.

[B]

You're like. This is pretty much how everyone lives. This happens. This happened to multiple people. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Nobody lives like that.

[B]

I forgot about the ass to ass fart. That part's crazy. Crazy ass to ass ass too.

[C]

Oh, Lord.

[A]

And you can only imagine.

[C]

No, I know. I have heard of it. About that.

[A]

You can only imagine what the ass to ass is.

[C]

I do love. I used to have a huge crush on that actress, whatever her name is.

[B]

I totally forgot about the ass to.

[A]

How do you forget? That's like the crown scene of that movie.

[B]

I. Oh, the scenes that I was always paying attention to was the lady on the diet pills.

[A]

Yeah, that's creepy too.

[B]

But that part was super creepy.

[A]

Predecessor to Adderall.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Like now everybody's cracked out. Like every.

[B]

That's what I was. That's what I mean. Every.

[C]

Like that.

[B]

That doesn't even happen anymore because that's just what people are like now.

[A]

But the way they present it is dark.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do we have anything else? I feel like there are other things I'm excited to talk to you guys about.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

I mean, the big things from. Let me think of what I did this weekend.

[A]

Do you have you watched. Speaking of recommendations, you have a treat waiting for you if you start watching Neighbors.

[C]

Oh, I'm so excited.

[B]

So funny. You watch the new episode?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hilarious.

[A]

Yeah. It's so good. The way that they reveal details about the characters in that show. So funny is amazing. It's half an hour. It's a light commitment.

[B]

That's a light commitment. And it's funny as all hell.

[C]

Yeah, I love it.

[A]

Funny as all damn. Get out.

[B]

The cat lady was so funny.

[A]

She's perfect.

[B]

Oh, what's your favorite episode? What?

[C]

Yesterday when I got home to LaGuardia. Do you know that sign when you go down the escalators to where the baggage claim is, there's a huge, like, colorful New York sign. Well, what?

[B]

Depends on what side you're coming from.

[C]

You're coming from the right or the left? The gates that if you go through security are to the left.

[B]

So you're coming from the left. So that's the one that goes way down to the steep one.

[C]

Well, they're both pretty steep. They both Go all the way down to the baggage claim.

[B]

Yeah. But there's one that kind of pops out more towards, like, The Uber, zones 13 and 14.

[C]

The one that goes past the. When you walk past the Starbucks. Yeah, not that one. The one from the other side.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[C]

The one from the other side.

[B]

Okay, I'm there. I'm there now.

[C]

Yeah, you go down and there's this big, decorative New York sign. It's in all these different colors. It's kind of right in the middle. Yes. A woman had her stupid little dog in a bag, and she put the bag in front of the sign and then stepped away and was taking photos of it. And I just was. I walked by, I was laughing.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I was like, make sure you get its good side. And she's taking photos for a while. And then she'd go and, like, pull its head more out of the bag.

[B]

Oh, she was taking photos of the dog.

[C]

The dog.

[B]

I thought you meant that she just, like, put the dog down.

[C]

The dog was shackled inside the bag with its head popping out, being like, what? Why aren't we moving anywhere? What are you doing?

[B]

We're home.

[C]

Let's go.

[B]

Yeah, it's.

[C]

I mean, she was influencing her dog.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who do you think abuses the system more? People who bring their dogs on plane that aren't actual service dogs or people who are commandeering wheelchairs at airports.

[B]

I mean, the. The wheelchair, I think, is more.

[A]

Indian people.

[B]

No, no, I was gonna say the wheelchairs is more annoying because I've seen it at the airport where the wheelchair person rolls up and they've got a. They've got a crew of 15 with them, and they're all boarding early.

[A]

And sometimes they're all in wheelchairs.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they, like. They couldn't be more able.

[B]

Every one of them walks.

[A]

Yeah, they're Olympians.

[B]

People get to the airport, and suddenly they're paralyzed.

[C]

Brief note. I want to clarify something from our dispute from the last episode where you said that you will not let someone who's been late to their flight cut in front of you.

[B]

No, I didn't say that. I said I would never do that. But I also said that, like.

[C]

You also said you wouldn't allow it

[B]

if it's multiple people. Of course not.

[C]

If it's, like, a family.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

No, you wouldn't allow no shot. What if it was just one person?

[B]

They'd have to make a pretty convincing case.

[C]

I wanted to clarify this, and I

[B]

want something in return.

[C]

I was only talking about if you're at the front of the line.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

And then they come in from the side. I'm not talking about the middle of the line.

[B]

What do you mean? So when people are like, they're waiting in line and like, say you're super late, or say, let's say wit is super late and he what, he just walks directly to the front and it's like, I gotta get.

[C]

He kind of comes around the side and he like lets you in the front know. And a person who works for the airline or the fucking TSA, people like, Guys, my flight's in 10 minutes. I'm so sorry. Is there any chance that I could go in front of you? And I would say, absolutely. Thank you for asking in such a nice way.

[B]

Depending on the scenario, the person, when my flight's leaving, if I'm in a bad mood. Those are all factors.

[C]

Amazing that I thought that would be like a really one sided consensus thing, but it was just as divisive as everything.

[A]

Well, Francis, I think that I saw some people saying this, and this isn't my opinion, but I just have heard this. What's the difference in that scenario than say, somebody who's really late for something and they want to drive along the shoulder of a highway. Oh, were they comparing that to an exit?

[C]

And let me tell you something, if someone using the shoulder rolled down the window and said, hey, hey, I'm really sorry we're late, we're extremely late, my wife's in labor, I'd say, go ahead, go ahead.

[A]

Oh, it's their attitude.

[C]

No, it's the explanation, it's the justification.

[B]

But I think if you're cutting the line, I don't think just the person in the front deserves to hear that explanation.

[C]

Yes, I know. So you, broadly, you, you address as

[B]

many people, if there was one individual person going through the line and they're going, hey, I'm really late, I gotta get. Yeah, go.

[C]

I think I should also add that I am legitimately never late for flights. So I don't do this at all.

[B]

I don't even want to get. I don't even want to go down that, that path because I'm worried if I do it, then that's just the norm now.

[C]

Right.

[B]

But every day and every time I get to the airport, I'm like, I'm. Guys, I'm really late. Are you cool if I just squeeze right through?

[C]

You get away with it.

[B]

Once you get away, you could do it every time. Because I, I think that's how wit. I think that's just how Whit flies. He's like, there's never. There's never a line.

[A]

Rico told me that I. I left out the most. One of the funniest parts of the story was that Whit was getting through with his golf bag or something, and he said, I'm sorry I'm late. I got a work trip. And someone in the line was like, where do you work? The PGA Tour?

[B]

So he was getting so people were mad at him.

[C]

That's funny.

[B]

People are yelling shit out.

[A]

They're hollering. But how is he even trying to get through with the golf bag? At the security?

[C]

It must have been. It must have been a shoulder bag, not his clubs. He probably had a golf themed theme.

[B]

Something adding up here, but let's hear the full story.

[C]

I think it's important to be specific about the scenario and we'll put this to rest. But I. I'm talking about the protocol for me. For what? What makes that acceptable is one, you have to solicit the help of an official.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Right. You have to let the powers that be, a uniformed officer know, here's my ticket. What do you expect me to do? And usually that person will usher you to the front. I'm not going to just represent myself in court here.

[B]

No, no.

[C]

And go up and beg for the forgiveness of the masses.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I a. I need a shepherd.

[A]

Yeah, well, you have to have a degree in public speaking if you're going to address the entire TSA line at LaGuardia. Friends, lend me your ears.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It's gonna get hostile in there quick.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I just feel like, I don't know,

[C]

you did sway me more than I thought with your explanation.

[B]

I mean, I don't think I'm like.

[C]

I came more to your side than I thought I would. I thought it was a very. I was very sure of my point. And then you explained yourself, and I thought about it for a while, but

[A]

there is a decency level where it's just like. Yeah, just like, let the person in and grumble about it.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'm sure there's been dozens of times that people have cut.

[C]

If you see a mother with a little kid, she's got her hands juggling all kinds of kids, whining, holding it by the hand, pulling it along. Hi. I'm so sorry. We're really late and we're going to miss the flight. My husband's coming home from. From the Middle east, you know, and we're meeting him in Florida, and it's where he's touching down. We're desperate to be there for when he gets off his transport plane. He spent two years.

[B]

I think they got another one coming in about an hour.

[A]

Should have thought of that.

[B]

Yeah. I think there's actually a flight in Newark if you want to. You leave now, you can probably catch that.

[C]

Yeah, you would do. You would do.

[A]

That's one of the things that scares me the most, is having to fly with my kids. It's good. That's such an insane undertaking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm terrified of it.

[B]

Everything. Think it's all changing for you, too. Is there any general line?

[C]

No.

[B]

TSA pre check? No. Clear.

[C]

Is there any part of you that just is going to be like, we're not traveling for three years?

[A]

I. I mean, I've heard that argument, but I've also heard the argument that, you know, you either change your diapers in New York or you change your diapers in Paris. You know, you're just changing diapers one way or the other.

[B]

I guess that is true. I would just be.

[A]

I would be worried about the other passengers.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I guess that's what you're worried about the whole time. It's just the kids gonna throw a fucking hissy fit like they've never done before.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like a new type of temper tantrum.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're gonna be just on the plane. I don't. I've never seen this happen before.

[A]

You want to take him?

[C]

I was on the plane, and I was sitting in the aisle in row 10, the first row after first class. I'd gotten promoted to comfort plus. Comfort plus. And I had an aisle seat. So as the plane was boarding, every, like, fourth or fifth person knew who I was. Yeah, and one guy. They're coming from, like, golf trips, obviously. So this guy saw me, and he. He's walking up and he. He comes up and he goes. He goes, hey, man, big fan. And they turned to his girlfriend behind me or behind him, and he goes, this guy got fired from Barstool. I'm like, what?

[B]

That's hilarious.

[C]

Back to back. You don't need to introduce me that way. You don't even need to introduce me at all. That is not a credit in my favor.

[B]

Did you wrong.

[C]

Why would you say that?

[B]

That's great.

[C]

Why would you tell her that? That doesn't provide any context. And then you're just stand there and

[B]

be like, hey, yeah. Yep, I got fired.

[A]

Tell them what you did, babe.

[C]

Yeah, that's so. And then he's like, keep up the good work, and kept going, going. And I'm like, what the did you say?

[B]

Like, I got the job. I got the job back.

[C]

No, I was. I was stupefied.

[A]

Yeah. That's so brutal. That's so nasty.

[B]

That's so funny.

[A]

Have you guys been to a post office recently?

[B]

I have to go to one tomorrow morning.

[A]

I went to a post office this past weekend and it was hell.

[B]

Is it. Are they still throwing.

[A]

Dude, there was so much tube being

[B]

thrown, dude, like you can't imagine.

[A]

Because I'm trying to. I was trying to get. I got passport pictures taken for my.

[B]

That's what I'm doing tomorrow morning.

[A]

And then I was going to expedite and go to the open hours of passport. There was nobody there at the passport desk. Just a mass of people. And I tried to do a lap just to try to find out what was going on. And there was a dude with a half smoked blunt just in his mouth, just like yelling like, man, you better move this fucking line a little quick. I don't got time for this fucking blunt. Like, still burnt to a crisp. You could smell it just like shouting into the air at. Nobody better move this line along quick. Just like, pissed.

[B]

Wait, did he work there?

[A]

No, he was. He was just one of the people in line. Just like bitching to the air. Nobody apparently worked there, but, like, they were. They were telling people. And it was only white people they were telling. They're like, all right, you could come to the front and like, you are. You're getting rid of these packages. You already have them, like, yeah, yeah. Labeled or something. But obviously this is causing a racial divide within the.

[B]

Oh, they were strictly targeting whites.

[A]

They're. No, they're bringing the whites to the front of the line. Fine.

[B]

Oh, so did you say something?

[C]

What the hell?

[A]

Oh, I mean, because they obviously, they had done something.

[B]

Obviously what, Ron? They obviously what?

[A]

They're obviously better at sending mail.

[C]

It's like, we're higher on standardized tests. Commit three felonies. I don't know. Where do you want me to stop?

[A]

They want to get them out of such a hostile environment sooner.

[B]

So wait, how bad was the process? Because I have to do this tomorrow. I bailed, you left.

[A]

There was nobody that came to the desk to even start the queue of taking your number and getting the line moving. Nothing ever happened.

[B]

Were you there? Like, did you already have, like. What is it, the Q11? Is that what it's called?

[A]

I just have pictures and I just want to get the.

[B]

The book?

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. I want to get the.

[B]

So you went in very unprepared.

[C]

What's the Q11?

[B]

You have to have, like, all these forms and shit ready to go.

[A]

Well, there was a stack of. Where you should have the forms on the walls. It was all empty. Like, you should be able to take a form. There's nothing there.

[B]

So, yeah, you got to bring your own shit. You got to print it out.

[A]

It was. Was like a bomb had hit. It was.

[C]

For what. For what it's worth, I think you guys are doing this all wrong.

[A]

I know I did it. It was on a whim. We got the pictures taken. We're like, we don't even have a trip.

[B]

Oh, you didn't have the appointment.

[C]

I got a new passport simply from having someone take a photo of me with their phone against a white wall.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then I did the whole thing online, and it said it would take six weeks, and it came in two weeks.

[B]

You didn't have to go to the post office and have everything, like, sent in and shit.

[C]

Now I'm renewing my passport.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that's probably what.

[C]

You don't have a passport.

[B]

I lost mine.

[C]

Well, a year ago, it was the same thing. I think I. I think that if you. You know, it's lost or expiring passports.

[B]

I did the FedEx thing where you pay however much money, but then you still have to mail everything in.

[C]

No, no, I didn't have to do any of that.

[B]

You did it all online.

[C]

Correct.

[A]

And there's other ways.

[C]

100% sure.

[A]

There's what you can pay to get it expedited.

[B]

I did. I paid for a shit ton of money.

[C]

Doesn't that seem a little crazy to you? Yes, that, like, you can pay more to. To break through a government bureaucracy. I mean, I know that's the, like, indic. You know, it's. No, it doesn't mean, like, the entire.

[B]

But we're not going to.

[C]

That's something that should be standard. Yeah. Unless. Unless you're like, a disaster has happened. I lost my passport. I need a rush. I'm traveling in three days.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

But I guess maybe that's why they.

[A]

I was going to South Africa a few years ago, and you need to have. It can't expire within six months of when you're leaving. So mine wasn't expired, but I still needed to get a new one. So I went to a place to get it expedited, and they said, come back on Tuesday. We'll have it for you. That's seven days from today. And I got back on Tuesday. They're like, we don't have it. And I was like, well, you guys said you'd have it. And they're like, all right, hang on. And they went to the bag back and then they came out with the passport. Yeah, like, they did it like that. Like put it together with paper machine.

[B]

Yeah. That's insane.

[A]

It was insane.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was just like a I fix it repair shot.

[A]

Yeah, they just did it in the back really quick. Like, oh, we said it. My bad. Like. Yeah, they did. Yeah. You break, I think.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Let me.

[B]

Let me just hop in the back real quick.

[A]

And they just brought it out and it's like a real passport.

[B]

Like, what is there like a machine? Yeah.

[A]

What's going on? Could. I just got it on the first day I came in because this.

[C]

Did you just get that from Congress?

[A]

Yeah. How did this get passed down?

[B]

Yeah, I got to do that. I'm going to look into it.

[A]

Everything that I've done it go to this place that I went to.

[B]

Everything I've done though, has said that. Like, it. You need. Maybe it's because I lost mine. I don't know. But they're all. It all says, like, I have to go. I have to schedule an appointment with the post office, which I did for tomorrow morning. And then I have to go in with like a folder with my birth cert, like proof of. Of proof of citizen citizenship in America. And then I need like a bunch like birth certificate, license and then this Q11 form. And then I have to pay a fee to the post office and I have to get my photo.

[A]

Someone is getting rich off of all this. Yeah, somebody. There's a middleman somewhere that is just lying. Whoever makes the book, I guess whoever

[B]

makes the blue book. Book printing money.

[A]

The blue book is. Is outdated in and of itself. That's such like a East Germany. Like all your papers, like, having like, let's get a.

[B]

Just a card, a pamphlet of your

[A]

papers is so ridiculous.

[B]

It should be literally something on your phone that you're like, yeah, here it is.

[A]

Yeah, Passport. Real id. Like it's scan with my eyeballs or something. Yeah, like having something they put a stamp in. It's very.

[B]

Why did we get the real ID if it doesn't count as like should didn't.

[C]

When people brag to me that they have multiple passports, I think they're traitors.

[B]

Yeah, they are.

[C]

I think that's the most unpatriotic thing you can do. It is, oh, you're going to claim dual citizenship so you can choose the shorter line of customs.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

While I'm holding it down here for the union.

[B]

Yeah, you bum.

[C]

While I'm waiting in line to make sure that everyone in America is doing what we need to do to keep moving forward together here, bro.

[A]

Did you. You got the. When is the global entry stuff?

[B]

It's already over, brother.

[C]

Did you sign up?

[A]

I signed up. The thing didn't happen.

[C]

You got to choose your slot or whatever.

[A]

Choose your slot.

[C]

I don't need to do that because I think I'm good for another eight years.

[A]

Damn, that's so nice.

[C]

I stay up to. I stay up to date on all of my credentials.

[A]

Yeah, you do. I'm like, people say that about you. They say that's known about you.

[C]

That guy can go anywhere. Anywhere.

[A]

Those words follow you wherever you go.

[C]

Except for any other nationality, line and customs. Because I only want a US Passport

[A]

where at least you know, you're free.

[C]

Look, as a military family, you know, it's important. Yeah.

[A]

That you stand behind the stars and stripes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't believe you bailed.

[A]

On what?

[B]

On the passport.

[A]

I mean, it was. You would have bailed, too.

[B]

I'm just worried that I'm gonna get there tomorrow and I'm. It's going to be hell.

[A]

If you're going to the post office places, it's going to be hell.

[C]

But I.

[B]

It says I have to.

[A]

There's every. Tom, Dick, and Harry is going to that post office place.

[B]

Which one?

[A]

At every. Like the. The. The general pop. Like, passport processing station that you have to go. You have to go somewhere different. So where would you.

[C]

What did you do?

[B]

You just texted a dude and said, hey, I need a new passport.

[C]

Can I be honest with you? I don't feel like I've been part of this conversation. Conversation for like 10 minutes.

[B]

You have.

[C]

And. And by the way, that's not me being petulant. I. I'm loving that you guys are talking, but I have no idea what you're talking about.

[B]

Well, I need you to come and tell me how to get my passport without question. I just want to know how I can do this without having to go to the post office.

[C]

My brain was a hundred miles away. I was envisioning myself in the military, which was something I dream about a lot. I was like, in the place where you choose your guns and stuff.

[B]

Yeah, it's definitely.

[C]

And I was really going down that rabbit hole. I was wrapping up.

[A]

You choose your guns like it's a buffet.

[C]

I was. I was smacking magazines.

[B]

I don't Think the U. S. Military like lays it out on a table

[C]

and they're the armory.

[B]

Your choice.

[C]

What do you mean the armory?

[B]

Yeah, they. You get the standard gun?

[C]

No, no, no. Not if you're a SEAL like me.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[A]

Which he is.

[C]

Yeah. With specific missions require specific types.

[B]

A SEAL you probably get to pick from a couple trinkets. But I don't think. I think they're still picking your main.

[C]

I think you got a warehouse of any type of weapon for your secondary.

[B]

Maybe for your secondary Neo in the Matrix.

[C]

I need guns. Lots of guns. That's what it is. Trust me. No, you don't want to. I know the military.

[A]

When I was going into college, I think I briefly considered like going to like army or navy or something like that. And my mom still brags to people about it today as if I had joined the armed forces.

[C]

That's like that Louis bit that's so fucking good. Where he. Congrats. Congratulates himself for giving his seat in first class to an active duty military person. He's never actually done it. He feels proud of himself for doing it.

[A]

Yeah. My son was going to enlist.

[C]

Harry. I, I. You can do the whole thing online.

[B]

I don't think you can.

[C]

I'm not. Okay, let's.

[A]

Why would Francis ever lie to you?

[B]

Because I feel like there is something that I have to do that I. That, that you didn't have to do. What is this? Are you throwing this at me?

[C]

That is not okay with my sergeant.

[B]

No.

[C]

He almost have to keep that away from me. Okay.

[B]

I don't want that.

[C]

That will severely limit my ability to achieve higher rank here.

[B]

Francis, why don't you. You need. You need this more than me.

[A]

I heard that the. The best air force in the world, obviously. United States Air Force.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Second best air force in the world.

[C]

Japan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The Navy. United States Navy's Air Force.

[C]

That's very good.

[B]

I like that. I like that.

[A]

Isn't that nice? That nice to think about.

[B]

That's real Americana. The hairy Americana.

[A]

The best one. And the second best one. Lucky they don't fight against each other. Gotta separate the boys.

[C]

Fourth best Air Force.

[A]

Coast Guard.

[C]

Coast Guard, yeah. Third best is Canada. It's not getting there.

[B]

They're doing some impressive stuff over in Canada.

[C]

Canada. No, it's definitely China. The third best. I would say it probably got a

[A]

pretty good China, then Russia, then.

[B]

Have you guys seen any of those videos of like the planes and dog fights?

[A]

Yes. Those are crazy insane the way that the pilots are like. Yeah, they're like dropping. Dropping stuff to get the missiles off their ass.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Probably sound like a dumbass.

[B]

Oh, also a shocking amount of just straight up video game footage that like, major, like, accounts are posting.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that is nuts.

[B]

And you're like, Isn't this Battlefield 4?

[A]

Is this Valorant? Isn't this Red Dead Redemption?

[C]

I watched some trends trench warfare footage from Ukraine the other day.

[A]

Oh, yikes.

[C]

Yeah, it was pretty.

[B]

What made you down that rabbit hole?

[C]

Just popped up.

[A]

It was dark. Huh.

[C]

That's trying to see what I'm up against here.

[B]

Yeah, you can watch that on just like, like anything.

[A]

That's so crazy. They're still fighting in the trenches like It's World War I. Just fighting over like a couple feet of land.

[C]

It was straight out of all quiet on the western front.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's dark. That's spooky as hell. They should. They should just talk it out.

[B]

There needs to be a talk, a conversation.

[C]

All right. Right.

[B]

We've been going for a while. Oh, yeah, we did. Like over an hour and a half. All right, thank you guys for listening. We'll be back on Thursday. I'm going to be in Arlington, Virginia this weekend. Four shows Friday, Saturday. Tickets@Harry setawebside.com Tickets websites updated. I'm also going to be in Cleveland next Thursday and then Detroit Friday and Saturday. Also tickets on harrysitewebset.com I got Denver,

[C]

Minneapolis, Houston, San Francisco. Oh, and tickets for my LA show at the Improv for the Netflix is a joke festival are also on my website now. Punchup Live. Francis Ellis. See ya.