← Jung On Purpose Podcast by CreativeMind
Jung On Purpose Podcast by CreativeMind
Breaking Free of Golden Handcuffs: Embracing Your True Calling
00:29:43
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- [00:04]
A
Welcome to Jung on purpose with CreativeMind, hosted by Deborah and Dr. Rob Maldonado, creators of the NeuroMindra coaching method based on Jungian psychology, non dual spirituality and social neuroscience. Join us each week as we explore personal growth for purpose seekers and the incredible inner journey of becoming your true self.
- [00:28]
B
Let's get started. Hello, welcome to Young on Purpose. I am Deborah Maldonado.
- [00:38]
C
And I'm Dr. Rob.
- [00:40]
B
And we are so excited to be here for our second episode of our new podcast. A new name, same great content, just a new spin. We are formerly called Soul Sessions. And so if you've been following us on Soul Sessions, this is our new brand, Young on Purpose. And we are continuing our series on purpose. And we're going to dig deeper into different areas of life that people have a challenge to find their purpose. And today we're diving into the wonderful world of work and career and talking about how purpose fits into career choices.
- [01:17]
C
Yeah.
- [01:17]
B
Are you excited for today, Rob?
- [01:19]
C
Yeah, I think it's in a really important topic and a lot of us, especially young people now, they're not really given a proper orientation, let's say, on how do I choose my career? What is it? What is purpose? All that good stuff. So it's a conversation on that and hopefully we can shed some light on that.
- [01:43]
B
So you may be listening to us thinking, how did I get here? That job? This is this not my beautiful wife? Is this my beautiful house? This is my beautiful job. But it's not fulfilling. And so I have a little metaphor to share with you. So imagine a grand piano and it's sitting in the corner of a room. And over the years, it gets covered with sheets and books and dust. People put coffee cups on there, lean stacks of papers against it, and it becomes just another piece of furniture. Yet beneath the coverings, the strings are tuned, the wood vibrates with potential. The music is already inside of it. Think of this piano as representing the soul always present, waiting. The coverings are the masks and job titles we've taken on in order to adapt. But this music is already inside. So think about what is the instrument of your soul that's been covered over by the mask of your career. And so that's a way to think about this. Purpose is not that it's something outside of you, that it's already in you. And it's about discovering it versus looking outside for the right career. It's actually the purpose. Discovering your purpose will lead you to the right career versus the career leading you to the sense of purpose.
- [02:58]
C
Yeah, I love that.
- [02:59]
B
And so while you. Go ahead. Sorry.
- [03:02]
C
Yeah. That's probably one of the biggest misconceptions is that people tend to think of purpose as career, that it's a job, a position, a profession. And all those are important. But. And they're. They can be expressions or. Or avenues for expressing your purpose, but those in themselves are not your purpose. Your purpose is that soulful music that comes out of the instrument that is ineffable, and it is a soulfulness, essentially. Right. That is expressed.
- [03:36]
B
So it's. We're born with our purpose, and then, you know, when we think about, does everyone have the same purpose? Ultimately, we have the purpose to know ourselves and who we really are. And then each of us has unique talents and gifts and, you know, predispositions that we are really talented in that are like, almost like divine gifts that we can use, and they go unused. Like, the piano is a gift of music if it goes unused. If we feel that. We feel it, that we are on the wrong track. So let's start for why. Why do people not just know this, Rob, and they just go out and they go to school and they know what they should be doing if it's already there, and find that, you know, a career that fills them up, a relationship that fills them up. Like, why don't people live from their purpose from the early part of life?
- [04:26]
C
Yeah. So we know just in general development, there's a lot of factors that go into the way we see ourselves and the way we see our potential in the world. So we have genetics, of course, we inherit from our parents and grandparents and so forth. We have epigenetics now recently that's come online and now becoming more and more understood that what our ancestors experience plays into the way we respond to stressors in life, to situations in our lives. Those have really important influences, let's say. So now we get genetics, epigenetics. Then of course, just kind of personality inheritance and the way our personality develops in our family systems, in our culture, and those are powerful tendencies. And. And then, of course, the. The environment. Because we grew up in families, we grew up in groups, we're social animals, so we pay attention to what others are doing and we want validation from them.
- [05:33]
B
Mm.
- [05:34]
C
All those factors are mixed into how do we decide what we're going to do with our life. But the. From the Jungian perspective, all those are false in the sense that they're external, externalized in the sense that we're. We're trying to please others, we're trying to adapt. We're using all these factors that play into decision making to fit into society. And he says there's nothing wrong with that. That's. That's what he called the Persona. That's not your real purpose. Your real purpose has to come from the soul, from a journey, from your inner searching. Right. That soul searching that we have to do.
- [06:15]
B
And so how does someone know that they are not living their purpose? I mean, a lot of times people choose a career, choose a passion, because it's stable, respectable. Maybe it's high paying. Maybe, you know, being a. Have a PhD after your name. Wink, wink. Or a doctorate, MD, a title, a CEO, even bestselling author. These titles seem to be like a way to impress others. And we, we think, well, that's what we should do. If we, if we can be that to the world, then we're successful. The problem is that we end up creating this really kind of rigid mask where we have to kind of live up to all these, like everyone else's expectations. And so you can have all the money in the world, all the success in the world, and then it' going to at one point be exhausting. It's going to the pressures of trying to please the world when it's not your choice, when you make it to. For acknowledgement or acceptance from others, there feel there's a. Almost like a resentment that happens. So one thing that can happen is you sabotage your success. And another thing is that you kind of like quit and just get lost for a while and not know what you should do. And then the other choice is just stay with the flow and keep going. Like in the last episode, hanging onto that log and hoping like some divine intervention is going to come in and change you.
- [07:35]
C
I've experienced all of those.
- [07:38]
B
Well, I think also too, we hear a lot of parents tell us that, you know, I have a responsibility, I have kids have, you know, pay the bills and I can't leave that all to pursue a dream. You know, that's very selfish of me, but young brilliantly said. The biggest burden that a child must face is the unlived life of the parents. So we think we're helping the children by giving them security. But the best thing we can do for our kids is to be all we can be and let them know that it's okay to, to pursue your creative gifts and talents and, and not feel that pressure from society.
- [08:18]
C
Yeah. The way I think about it is, you know, Mary Shelley's story of Frankenstein.
- [08:24]
B
Mm.
- [08:24]
C
It's like we build our Persona as our personal Frankenstein.
- [08:29]
B
Oh my God, I never heard that metaphor before.
- [08:32]
C
Yeah, it. Because it's put together from all the expectations, all the genetic tendencies, all the teaching and training that we get. We kind of piece it together, right, and then glue it together and then duct tape it together. But it's not really who we are. It works for us. It functions right, it moves and it appears to be alive, but it's not what we here to do in this life. So it doesn't have a soul, it doesn't have a real living essence behind it. And that's. I experienced that myself personally. I. I did everything I thought would please my parents, would please my culture, and went along for the ride and built that Frankenstein for myself. But sooner or later, like you say, it sabotages you because you hate it. In a. At least some part of you hates that, that you have to live that way and that it's not that genuine you.
- [09:31]
B
And it's so hard to change. We, even when we become conscious of about how unhappy we are, it's so hard to let go. And because the ego is always trying to trick you into thinking the unknown is scary. Stay with the known. And I could tell you, for me, I remember we were talking about this this morning. I remember I was working in the corporate. My last corporate job, I had been working with a coach about finding my purpose, writing and doing something, you know, and I had already gone to, at this point, massage school, thinking maybe I'll be a massage therapist. That didn't work out, but it was still like looking and searching. And then I sat there at my desk one morning in my beautiful desk, everything. The job was pretty easy, you know, was go in, do your work, you get a good, good paycheck. And I was sitting there and I looked at my computer and I thought I could probably stay here forever. Like, this is so comfortable. And what was interesting, I remember that moment and that afternoon my boss called me in and said, we're making some changes and you're going to have two bosses instead of one. And you're not going to work in the Internet division, you're going to work in the catalog division, something I wasn't really had any experience in. And so it was like they were setting me up to get laid off by basically. But it was so funny how I just had that moment where I was looking and looking. And then we have those moments, we're like, you know what? It's good. Like, I shouldn't complain. This is comfortable. Why would I give this up? And I think there's Forces in us that won't let us settle. And so we have a. We either go kicking and screaming or we go willingly. Most people go kicking and screaming and it comes in the form of maybe a layoff like or what I had where it was a change of my job changed and there was all this pressure. Some people might think it's like new responsibilities or not getting that promotion that you were hanging your hopes on, that when I get that promotion and get that corner office and then I'll be happy. And it feels like it's coming from the outside, this pressure, but it's really, the pressure is coming from our soul. It's saying this isn't right anymore. And so these are opportunities when we, we have these things happen, layoffs, job changes, the despondency we feel in our job. Instead of thinking something is wrong, say what's the opportunity here?
- [11:44]
C
Yeah, you're talking about calling, of course. Yeah, that there's a calling in us from the soul to do our duty, to do our purpose, to find and do our purpose. Right. To complete that mission that we're sent to do in this, in this world. Now having a calling doesn't mean you're chosen, but it gives you a ticket into that potential. Right? In other words, now you have to prove yourself once you heed the call. It's not in the hero's journey, it's not that, oh, because you're going on the journey, you're done. No, that's only the beginning.
- [12:22]
B
Saying yes is just the beginning.
- [12:24]
C
That's right. Heeding the call means that now you're going willing to be tested and you're going to have to prove yourself. If you have the dedication, the willpower, the love of that profession or, or that purpose to carry it out. And it's not easy, it's probably the hardest thing you will do. But of course it's the most satisfactory experience of your life because you're living out your purpose and that is the beauty of life right there.
- [12:56]
A
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- [14:10]
B
And like earlier in, in like about a year and a half earlier, I had been laid off before and I had that opportunity. I broke an engagement, I went to. I lost my job, the company was closing down that I worked for and I had to move out of my house. And I had all these kind of uncoverings of things. And I think this job was kind of like an intermediary of, like, me grasping for my last, last moment of stability. And. And I remember thinking, there's so much going on in my life right now. I need something stable. And it was like, you can't rely on it forever. And actually I was in a really good position because when I got laid off, I got a severance and then I was able to start what we have now, this beautiful business that we created together. I had, you know, it kind of sent me on the way. But it was hard. It wasn't easy and it wasn't hard like hard work. I think a lot of people think it's, oh, it's, you have to work really hard to be successful. The hard work is in the mind. It's dealing with that resistance. Dealing with coming to terms with who you thought you were isn't really real. I think that's the challenge of individuation is about really, how do you let go of who you were so you can become who you were meant to be.
- [15:24]
C
And then there's a lot of resistance internally and externally that your own family often will say, what the hell are you doing? You know, you have a good job, you have the security. Why are you risking it all for a dream? Your friends, sometimes your best friends will tell you, you're, you're screwing up, you're making the wrong move, right? Those kind of things, they're going to be there.
- [15:52]
B
Well, and when I had that, I joined west to massage school and I had like, all that kind of transition happen in my life. I thought, okay, I'm going to be a massage therapist. This is my purpose. I'm going to go for my dream. And then I got a little offer for this job that I was in, little dangling offer. And I'm like, ooh, this is tempting. And, and so it's just like, you get, you get Tempted too to go back to the normal as well. So you have to fight that temptation. I wasn't strong enough to fight it at the first time. But it's like, I think sometimes it's not always a clean process where you find your, no, this isn't right. I'm going to quit my job and I'm going to start my purpose. Sometimes it's a evolution. It's about like testing things out. Like I'm not a massage therapist right now, but I learned so much about myself by just pursuing something, learning about myself, understanding that I really like working with the mind, not the body as much. And, and so you just try things and you do things and it leads you there. So if you try and it doesn't work out, it doesn't mean give up. It means that it's just the thing you needed to do to get to where you need to go. So I think that's really important too. I think we have this expectation that the, the seasonal part and every, all the, everything's just going to flow perfectly and you should, it should be easier and it should be a straight line to your purpose. Sometimes it's a little journey we go on to find it.
- [17:11]
C
Well, yeah, I mean we can think of it also as we're burning up our conditioning through the process, through the journey of insisting on following our purpose. I love that because it tests us in incredibly difficult ways sometimes that in that suffering or in the kind of sacrificing for our purpose, we're burning up our old karma, our old conditioning of who we think or who we thought we were and all the plans we had for ourselves. And we, we have to, you know, burn up that, that old self as fuel now to carry us through, to help us become who we're meant to be.
- [17:55]
B
I think something too about pursuing your dreams is really important for your body. Being in a corporate job or a job that's stressful. Some people work in the medical field and they're like nurses and healthcare professionals. It's becoming more corporately owned and it's not the same. Like it's just really about profit and some people just lost that touch for why they wanted to do it. Any career can be like that, whether you're a lawyer or a doctor or any kind of profession. It could turn into something ego driven and not really the intent that you had. It's about like understanding that you, it's a, it's almost like a perfect way to understand what's, you know, you're listening to yourself. I'm trying to think of the right words. You're listening to yourself say, this isn't what I was I started out as. And so I think a good question for you, if you're in one of those professions that's kind of changed and evolved over the years, ask yourself, what brought me to this? What brought me to do this? And. And then find that maybe that thing is not the career, the way to fulfill that anymore. The career you chose or that job you chose. One of the things I told our. I tell our students all the time because they start their businesses and, you know, it's, you know, you try starting your coaching business, you're starting over, and there's a lot of doubts. Can I do this? Can I, you know, be successful? And when we start anything new, and I always say, remember that desire you had for helping others, that is your purpose. If you hold that and know that that will get you through anything, that will get you through all the challenges because you go back to what, why you're doing this. And I think we all lose that sometimes when we get in a career we like why we intended it in the first place. Journalists wanted to be great writers, and now they're, you know, kind of caught up in politics or whatever that prevents them from writing what they want to write or the corporation won't let them write what they want to say.
- [19:48]
C
Yeah.
- [19:49]
B
And even in therapy, don't you think.
- [19:51]
C
Too, one of the biggest traps is money, because money is almost universal, adversely seen as a sign of success, that if you're making the bucks, you're doing okay, and that you should continue. But those we know, are the golden handcuffs that many people talk about that now. They've. They've poured so much effort into that position or that career, and they're making such good money that they feel they're handcuffed to it now. I can't quit. I can't do what I really want to do or wanted to do. And they feel stuck because of those golden handcuffs. So it's a real trap that we set up for ourselves.
- [20:34]
B
So it's like there's a person that doesn't know their purpose, but they are unfulfilled, but they don't know what it is. And then there's also people that know what they really want to do and have that secret desire, but they feel like I can't because financially it would be a risk for me and it's just easier to stay.
- [20:50]
C
Yeah. Yeah. And of course, we're not saying it's easy to to, you know, kind of get out of those golden handcuffs.
- [20:57]
B
Everyone would do it. Everyone would. There would be no one working in the corporate world if everyone can do it very easily.
- [21:03]
C
That's right. But it's doable. And I know plenty of people that.
- [21:07]
B
Have done it, including ourselves.
- [21:09]
C
Yeah. And also there's a technique also. It's not about pushing away the corporate position. I think I see a lot of people making that mistake. They think if I hate it enough, it will prompt me to leave it and do my purpose. But that's not a good way to do it. What you have to do is to embrace the situation that you're in, live into it and say, how can this serve me? I mean, I, I must have created it for a reason, and it's here for a purpose somehow or to help find my purpose. And to embrace it is the way to move through it instead of pushing it away and saying, you know, I'm going to quit in anger and tell the boss to, you know, put it where the sun doesn't shine and all that stuff. Because what it does, it then shows you that it's a dream funder. It's an ability to fund your dreams that is right there. You're, you're doing it already and it's, it's giving you a lifestyle or the freedom, the financial freedom to create something new. Then you have to figure out how. Well, how do I find the time and energy to create something while I'm still working at this? But people find it, you know, it's a great way to move beyond it.
- [22:25]
B
You begin planning your exit plan. You can save extra money. You could put things and, you know, stop spending things that you normally would spend on and put it towards your dream. I feel like if you, if you make it a priority to live your purpose, you find a way. And for me, I took sacrifices. When I first left the corporate world, I sold my condo that I lived in. It was beautiful mountain view, and I worked live with a friend. I sold my beautiful suv. I, and I just downsized everything for one year. And by the end of that year, I was making the same amount of money in the corporate job. And then I purchased a home. You can, you know, it's just like taking that year and it's like you. I think one of the parts I think was for me is like I always had these beautiful places with beautiful views. And here I was living in the basement of a house and having a roommate again and driving a small car and all the things that, you know, don't show success in the world, but I was building something. And. And so sometimes it's like a challenge to our ego a little bit to downsize or to temporarily cut back so that you can go forward. I used to hear from our. One of my coaches a long time ago that you spend three years working harder than no one else will so you can spend the rest of your life living like no one else can. So you want to. You know, sometimes it takes sacrifice, and the ego doesn't like that. The ego wants all the. The immediate gratification. And so everything you do, when you do make that transition is you dedicate it to your plan. Your job's your dream funder. You stop spending on, you know, maybe you go out to dinner once a week instead of four times a week like I was doing. And maybe you cook for a little, or you downsize your car, you know, make some changes and invest in your own dream, you know, and spend time. Your priorities start to shift to where your money goes. Your money goes to coaching, to training, to dedicating it where you would not normally spend because you believe in the bigger picture, that it's going to bring you more riches, more wealth, more abundance, more satisfaction long term. And that's a beautiful thing to think about.
- [24:34]
C
Freud himself said. I'm paraphrasing, but he said something like this, that when you look back, you realize that those times of struggle were the best in your life because you're building something, right? You're, you're, you're giving and sacrificing for something that you love that is completely yours. It's not about.
- [24:58]
B
And you never go back there again, Right? You never can go back to those beginning times where you're struggling.
- [25:04]
C
Yeah. Yeah. It's a beautiful period of your time. I know you have some exercises or, or maybe just one.
- [25:09]
B
One question.
- [25:11]
C
Can I just add one before you. You do that?
- [25:15]
B
You sure can. This is a collaborative podcast.
- [25:19]
C
There, there's one that I was taught a long time ago. It's that you imagine yourself at the end of your life. Let's say you're 120, you know, because of the new longevity drugs or something. You're 120 in your deathbed. You're ready to pass from this life, and you look back at this time in your life, this year, this period of your life, and you ask yourself, if I could do it again, what would I do? How would I do it differently? And it's amazing because the more you practice that, the more you, you step into that and you take advantage of this time that you have that right now, the period that you're living right now is one of the most exciting parts of your life and that you have this opportunity.
- [26:09]
B
When I, when I switched my career finally at 41, left, oh no, I was 39. And I was thinking, God, why didn't I do this in my 20s? Like, why did I spend so much time wasted? You know, like, it felt like wasted time. And I'm glad I did it when I was, you know, almost 40. And then there's people that are in their 50s that are, you know, doing our program and it's like it's never too late to start. And I remember you told me a story too, before we go into the exercise, you, when you were thinking of getting your master's.
- [26:38]
C
Yeah, I was. I, I made an appointment with the head of the psychology department who ran the master's program. And while I was sitting there, I was like in my mid-30s maybe. And I was thinking, man, I'm, I'm too old to be doing this, you know, going back to school and studying and all this stuff. And as I was thinking that the previous appointment walked out of the room and it was an 80 year old woman who had applied for the, for the master's program. And as when I walked in, I asked the Dr. Cuellar, who was the psychologist at that time, what was that student? And he said, yeah, she's applying for the master's program in her 80s. And he says, I'm considering it. She's really interested and very smart, very capable. So that was my answer, right? It's like it's never too late. It's simply what you love to do. And if it's your calling, you should be doing it.
- [27:39]
B
And at every age we feel like we're so old, like 35, I'm so old to start over. And we look back, I'm like, I was so young then. And so we do this our whole life thinking, it's too late, it's too late. And then it keeps going. I think you know, Goethe and William H. Murray. Whatever you do, if it's passion, boldness has magic in it. Begin it now. So hopefully you're, this is opening up some things for you listening. So here's one last question before we go. Think about this question. If I didn't have this mask or this title or this, you know, career, how would my soul express itself through my work, my conversations and my creativity? So it's, the purpose is more than just another career. It's like, how do you, how does it infuse your entire life and who you are on a deep, authentic level? So, so that's something to sit with. Next week we're going to be talking about relationships. We're going to have a couple episodes on relationships. Next week we're talking about breakups, everyone's favorite topic. We'll talk about how that's an opening for our purpose as well and share some amazing stories and insightful. If you're going through some kind of end of a relationship, whether it's a divorce or a breakup or loss of a partner, sometimes that happens, how it could be the beginning of something new in your life. So thank you, Rob.
- [28:57]
C
Thank you.
- [28:58]
B
And thank you for listening to Young on purpose. And don't forget to subscribe and we will see you next week.
- [29:03]
C
See you soon.
- [29:04]
B
Bye bye.
- [29:06]
A
Thank you for joining us for Jung on purpose with Deborah Maldonado and Dr.
- [29:10]
B
Rob Maldonado of Creative Mind. Don't forget to subscribe to our podcast.
- [29:15]
A
Before you leave and join us each week.
- [29:18]
B
We'll see you soon. Sa.