Squiggly Careers Podcast – “How to Stop Being a People Pleaser Without Guilt (3 Easy Tips)”

Host: Helen Tupper
Date: October 2, 2025

Episode Overview

In this Squiggly Shortcuts episode, Helen Tupper tackles the common challenge of people pleasing—those moments when you say yes to requests even when you want to say no, risking your own priorities and wellbeing in the process. Helen shares three straightforward, practical tips to help listeners set boundaries and stop people pleasing without feeling guilty or becoming “difficult.” The advice is tailored for immediate use, focusing on mindset shifts and everyday language adjustments.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pause Before Saying Yes (01:10)

• Main Idea: People pleasing often comes from saying yes automatically. Helen suggests building a “pause” before responding to requests, making “yes” a conscious choice, not a default.
• Action: Prepare and use a stock phrase to buy yourself time so you don’t respond impulsively.
  • Example: “Appreciate the request. Let me come back to you once I’ve had a chance to think it through.”
• Insight: Creating space between a request and your response helps you evaluate if you truly want or need to say yes.

Quote (02:05):

“Find your pause statement… you can just say rather than just accepting whatever it is people throw your way.” — Helen Tupper

2. Use “I Don’t” Instead of “I Can’t” (03:05)

• Main Idea: “I can’t” opens the door for negotiation, while “I don’t” communicates a firm, personal boundary.
  • Example of “I can’t”: “I’m really sorry, I can’t come to that meeting.”
    • People may try to find workarounds (“Just join remotely!”).
  • Example of “I don’t”: “I don’t go to meetings after 5 o’clock.”
    • Harder to argue with and doesn’t require elaborate explanation.
• Personal Principle: Establishing your “I don’ts” (e.g., not going out more than two nights a week) helps make boundaries easier to defend.

Quote (04:45):

“If you can own the ‘I don’t,’ it is much harder for somebody else to try to convince you otherwise…” — Helen Tupper

3. Develop Your “No” Vocabulary (06:20)

• Main Idea: Sometimes “no” feels too harsh or uncomfortable. Helen introduces the concept of a personalized “no vocabulary”—alternative statements that help you decline requests more comfortably.
  • Not yet: “I’d love to get involved, but I can’t do that yet.”
  • Not me: “I don’t think I’m actually the best person to do it.”
  • Not that way: Suggesting a more feasible alternative (“Could I send an email with bullet points instead of presenting?”).
• Practicality: These phrases make saying no less daunting and more authentic.

Quote (07:35):

“We need a ‘no-cabulary’... ways that you can personalize saying no that might feel more comfortable to you.” — Helen Tupper

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On guilt-free boundary setting:
  “You can still be yourself and you can still be nice, but you can also stop people pleasing getting in your own way.” (00:45)

• On confidence and repetition:
  “If saying the ‘I don’t’ feels difficult, then sometimes practicing and personalizing your vocabulary can feel like an easier win.” (08:10)

Actionable Summary (09:00)

Helen closes with a concise recap:

• 1. Pause before you say yes by default.
• 2. Establish your “I don’ts” instead of relying on “I can’t.”
• 3. Build a no-cabulary of phrases that feel genuine and are ready for common situations.

Quote (09:55):

“Work out your vocabulary, what are the statements that feel most authentic to you and easy for you to say in those likely situations where people are going to ask you to get involved and it might not feel like the right thing for you to do?”

Final Thoughts

Helen’s tone is supportive, acknowledging the difficulty of shifting away from people pleasing but reassuring listeners that these tips can make a real, practical difference. She encourages experimentation with language and emphasizes self-compassion and personalization.

Contact: For feedback or questions, listeners are invited to email Helen and Sarah at helenandsarah@squigglycareers.com.

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