Squiggly Careers Podcast – Skills Sprint: How to Learn From Feedback (Even When It’s Uncomfortable)

Hosts: Sarah Ellis and Helen Tupper
Date: January 20, 2026
Episode Theme: Embracing the discomfort of feedback for career growth

Episode Overview

This episode focuses on how to transform uncomfortable feedback moments into powerful opportunities for personal and professional development. Sarah and Helen discuss the value of "learning in hard moments," introduce practical frameworks for navigating tough feedback conversations, and share personal stories to illuminate why embracing feedback—even when it’s tough—is essential for growing in our “squiggly careers.”

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The "Lobster" Analogy: Growth Through Vulnerability

• Helen introduces the metaphor of a lobster shedding its shell to highlight growth through vulnerability.
  • "Lobsters grow the most when they shed their shell...It’s an energy-zapping process...they become vulnerable, but when the shell grows back, it’s bigger and stronger than before. We think this is learning." (00:14–00:41, Helen)
• Sarah underscores that learning doesn’t have to wait until after hard moments; it can and should happen during them.
  • "What we have really challenged ourselves to think about is learning in that hard moment. So, do you know what, this is hard. I might as well learn at the same time because it'll be worth it." (01:14–01:36, Sarah)

2. Why Feedback Feels So Hard

• Feedback, whether asking, giving, or receiving, is universally intimidating.
  • Sarah notes that just mentioning feedback to groups elicits dread and humorously negative reactions: "You get people hiding. They're like, I'm going to get fired." (01:50–01:54, Sarah)
  • Helen admits her biggest fear is giving feedback, worrying about damaging relationships and falling into people-pleasing traps. (02:26–02:49, Helen)
  • Sarah’s personal challenge is receiving feedback that might "confirm the worst things you already think about yourself." (02:49–03:13, Sarah)
• Highlighted quote:
  • "When we shield ourselves from feedback, we stop growing." — Brene Brown (03:24, Sarah referencing Brene Brown)

3. Feedback as a Critical Skill in Self-Awareness and Progress

• Feedback is not just about performance management—it's a habit crucial for career growth.
  • "We know that self-awareness is understanding yourself and understanding how other people see you, too." (03:54, Sarah)

4. The ‘Say the Hard Thing’ Framework

Helen introduces a four-part structure from their book for difficult conversations:

1. Start with an open question
   • Don’t jump straight to the hard message; ask open, curious questions.
2. Acknowledge their response
   • Show you’ve heard and appreciated their perspective.
3. Say the hard thing
   • Deliver the message, but nuance it with what you’ve learned from the conversation so far.
4. Involve the person
   • Make the process collaborative: it’s the start, not the end, of a dialogue. - "If you don't share that message, it's probably going to get in the way of someone else's growth—and your growth, too." (04:14–04:32, Helen)

5. Building Psychological Safety for ‘Say the Hard Thing’ at Work

• Sarah references Margaret Heflin's research: "85% of people have concerns at work that they don't talk about." (05:43, Sarah)
• The framework isn't a rigid template but an adaptable approach—often, these conversations evolve over several interactions.
  • "Sometimes I’ve just used the open question and acknowledge, and that's been conversation one… Then maybe you start the next conversation by saying the hard thing." (06:29, Sarah)

6. Personal Example: Lobster Hatchery Feedback

• Helen and Sarah recount giving/receiving feedback while visiting the National Lobster Hatchery—a fitting context!
  • Helen: "I gave Sarah some feedback... you are getting too involved in too many things and doing lots of other people's work and that's hindering rather than helping us." (07:03–07:27)
  • Sarah describes her defensive reaction and how they nearly missed the learning: "You miss the learning, rather than look for the learning. But I think the questions saved us." (08:18–08:58, Sarah)
  • The collaborative problem-solving that followed turned a potentially negative experience into growth and connection.

7. Role Models and Further Advice

• Helen quotes former guest Sophie Williams:
  • "Her advice for learning was: Don't be afraid to ask questions about or challenge things that are unchallengeable or unquestionable." (09:16–09:27, Helen)
  • Sarah: "Sophie is a very good ‘say the hard thing’ role model... empathetically saying things that could be difficult." (09:27–09:30, Sarah)

8. Practical Tool: ‘Say the Hard Thing’ GPT

• The hosts unveil a new tool: a scenario planner that helps listeners practice difficult conversations in a safe, guided way.
  • "It's just a really safe way to get started." (10:20–10:25, Sarah)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• "When we shield ourselves from feedback, we stop growing." — Brene Brown (03:24, Sarah)
• "85% of people have concerns at work that they don't talk about. Imagine all the learning you could unlock..." (05:43, Sarah)
• "Don't be afraid to ask questions about or challenge things that are unchallengeable or unquestionable." — Sophie Williams (09:16, Helen)
• Personal anecdote:
  • Sarah: "My response was very much, oh, I'm working really, really hard, like to do things that need to get done. And then at the same time, you've now given me kind of a hard to hear message. So it's like hard on hard." (08:18–08:33)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:14 – The lobster metaphor for personal growth
• 01:36 – Recognizing feedback as a universal challenge
• 02:26 – Personal fears around giving and receiving feedback
• 03:24 – Brene Brown quote on feedback and growth
• 04:06 – Introducing the “Say the Hard Thing” framework
• 05:43 – Organizational silence and the cost of unspoken concerns
• 06:53 – Live example: feedback at the Lobster Hatchery
• 09:16 – Sophie Williams’ advice on challenging the unquestionable
• 10:20 – Announcing the “Say the Hard Thing” GPT tool

Actionable Takeaways

• Practice learning in the moment: Don’t wait to reflect after the fact; cultivate awareness during challenging situations.
• Try the ‘Say the Hard Thing’ framework for tough feedback conversations.
• Use open questions to create constructive dialogue and reduce defensiveness.
• Embrace feedback as a habit—not just an occasional ordeal.
• Experiment with the ‘Say the Hard Thing’ GPT tool for real-world practice.

Overall Tone

Warm, supportive, and candid—Sarah and Helen combine empathy with practical advice, sharing their own vulnerabilities to encourage listeners to view feedback not as a threat, but as a powerful lever for development.

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