#109 - Andy Milonakis

Summary

Podcast Summary: Stavvy's World – Episode #109 with Andy Milonakis

Introduction

In Episode #109 of Stavvy's World, host Stavros Halkias welcomes comedian Andy Milonakis, a prominent figure known for his unique comedic style and diverse experiences. The episode delves into Andy’s personal journey, cultural insights, humorous anecdotes, and offers listeners valuable advice on various life topics.

Greek Culture and Language

Stavros and Andy kick off the conversation by exploring Greek culture, particularly focusing on colloquial phrases and their meanings. They discuss the humorous and sometimes vulgar expressions that reflect the vibrant Greek social fabric.

• Notable Quote:
  • Andy Milonakis [01:44]: "For those at home, putana malaka means jerk off."

Stavros highlights how phrases like “putana malaka” are becoming more widespread, illustrating the blending of Greek culture with modern influences. They also touch upon other colorful Greek insults, emphasizing the rich linguistic heritage.

Andy’s Early Life and Adventures

Andy shares stories from his youth growing up in Westchester County, shedding light on his experiences in a less affluent segment of the area. He recounts adventures with friends, including interactions with local crack dealers, which paint a vivid picture of his formative years.

• Notable Quote:
  • Andy Milonakis [03:43]: "They are the most racist guys I've ever met in my life."

These narratives provide listeners with an unfiltered glimpse into the challenges and camaraderie Andy faced, highlighting his resilience and ability to find humor in difficult situations.

Traveling and Experiences in Europe

The duo transitions to discussing Andy’s extensive travels across Europe, with a particular focus on Greece and Italy. Andy shares his impressions of tourist-heavy islands like Santorini and Moos, expressing a preference for less commercialized destinations such as Milos and Paros.

• Notable Quote:
  • Andy Milonakis [10:25]: "Paros is kind of turning into something Santorini a little bit. It's getting much more touristy."

They explore the contrast between tourists' experiences and the authentic Greek lifestyle, touching upon issues like racism in certain Greek regions and the blend of Greek and North African cultures in places like Crete.

Career Transition and Discovering Comedy

Andy delves into his professional journey, detailing his time as a network administrator at a small accounting firm, especially during the tumultuous period post-9/11. His exceptional technical skills earned him accolades, although his unconventional approach often led to humorous situations.

• Notable Quote:
  • Andy Milonakis [37:33]: "There was a major computer virus. I had to stay three days after 9/11 happened."

Subsequently, Andy explains how his passion for comedy blossomed through improv classes at UCB and comedy writing courses in Gotham. His early foray into online content creation, including photorealistic comics and improvised videos, eventually caught the attention of casting directors and comedians like Jimmy Kimmel, propelling him into the limelight.

Relationships and Personal Advice

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to relationship advice, where Stavros and Andy respond to listener voicemails seeking guidance on various personal issues.

1. Steroid Use and Relationship Concerns

   A caller expresses anxiety about wanting to start using steroids (referred to as "gear") against his girlfriend’s wishes. Stavros and Andy firmly advise against it, emphasizing the potential health risks and the importance of respecting one’s partner.

   • Notable Quote:
     • Stavros Halkias [55:25]: "Don't get on gear. That's nuts."

2. Navigating Office Relationships

   Another listener recounts accidentally hooking up with a coworker at a company Christmas party and seeks advice on the repercussions. The hosts highlight the potential complications of office romances, such as conflicts of interest and future workplace dynamics, advising prudence and prioritizing professional relationships.

   • Notable Quote:
     • Stavros Halkias [76:34]: "Do you want to be a flattering guy or do you want to prioritize your job?"

3. Sexual Fantasies and Relationship Dynamics

   A listener grapples with sexual fantasies that differ from his long-term girlfriend’s preferences, seeking ways to reconcile their differing desires. Stavros and Andy encourage open communication and mutual respect, suggesting that both partners discuss their needs and boundaries honestly.

   • Notable Quote:
     • Stavros Halkias [85:22]: "You clearly are insecure about it. You did nothing wrong because you had a nice time."

Humorous Anecdotes and Cultural Observations

Throughout the episode, Andy and Stavros share a series of humorous stories and observations that blend Andy’s life experiences with cultural commentary. They discuss Andy’s encounters in various cities, his knack for finding humor in everyday situations, and his reflections on societal norms.

• Notable Quote:
  • Stavros Halkias [58:28]: "Hydration is important, but so is healthy relationships."

They also touch upon topics like body image, the impact of modern technology on relationships, and cultural differences between Greece and countries like Japan, adding depth and variety to their conversation.

Conclusion and Tour Promotion

As the episode wraps up, Stavros invites Andy to share where listeners can find his streams, promoting Andy’s presence on Twitch. They also announce Stavros’s upcoming tour, encouraging listeners to join them on their journey across various locations.

• Notable Quote:
  • Stavros Halkias [50:36]: "We’re gonna be out the whole time... we're out the whole time."

Closing Remarks

The episode concludes with heartfelt thanks to Andy Milonakis for his participation, with both hosts expressing their admiration and excitement for future collaborations.

---

Key Takeaways:

• Cultural Fusion: The blend of Greek and American cultures provides a rich backdrop for humor and insightful discussions.

• Personal Growth: Andy’s journey from a tech enthusiast and small-time hacker to a recognized comedian underscores the importance of following one’s passion.

• Relationship Dynamics: Open communication and mutual respect are crucial in navigating differing desires and expectations within relationships.

• Humor in Adversity: Both hosts demonstrate how humor can be a powerful tool in overcoming challenges and connecting with others.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Andy Milonakis [01:44]: "Putana malaka means jerk off."
• Andy Milonakis [03:43]: "They are the most racist guys I've ever met in my life."
• Andy Milonakis [10:25]: "Paros is kind of turning into something Santorini a little bit. It's getting much more touristy."
• Andy Milonakis [37:33]: "There was a major computer virus. I had to stay three days after 9/11 happened."
• Stavros Halkias [55:25]: "Don't get on gear. That's nuts."
• Stavros Halkias [76:34]: "Do you want to be a flattering guy or do you want to prioritize your job?"
• Stavros Halkias [85:22]: "You clearly are insecure about it. You did nothing wrong because you had a nice time."
• Stavros Halkias [50:36]: "We’re gonna be out the whole time... we're out the whole time."

This episode of Stavvy's World offers a blend of humor, cultural insights, and practical advice, making it a valuable listen for fans and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Unknown]

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[Stavros Halkias]

Welcome everybody to Stavi's World 904800 Stav call in. We'll solve all your problems. It's about to be a new year. We have to celebrate with truly a Hellenic legend on the couch. Folks, our boy Andy Milonakis is here. Andy, thanks for coming dude.

[Andy Milonakis]

Thanks. I think Speed is a is a Hellenic legend now because he phrased putana malaka. Putana malak.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh really? I didn't see that. There we go. That's big. All around Greece, screaming Greek strangers shout out to Speed. We'll get him in. We'll get him in the. Yeah, I'd love to have Speed. If you want to talk about bis Malakis, you let us know.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, it was like a really like probably like a 92 year old guy and he's like he couldn't really articulate in English what he was trying to say but he's like trying to say like I don't like that language.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's so funny to see like the most energetic black teenager that these people have never seen someone like Speed. And he's just saying and by. For. For those at home, putana malaka means jerk off. So he's just yelling it at old Greek people. But you know, I just like that it's get that the culture's getting out there. I like that Speed is raising awareness of all the and jerk offs in Greece of which there are many.

[Andy Milonakis]

I would have Gone with a G. That's one of my favorite.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a good one. Your house, we have a lot of great phrases. My favorite is when you're. When you're saying someone's not going to do shit to you and they're threatening you, you say. Which means you're not going to do shit to me. And it literally means, fart on my balls. He's like. He's like, this is how little I care about you. You can fart right on my balls, chief. Which is such a great insult. Makes no sense. It's like, how would a guy even do it? He would have to get really close to your dick and balls. It's kind of a homoerotic thing.

[Andy Milonakis]

But hey, also for a big religious group of people, the Greeks are insanely religious. They have one of the most vulgar phrases of all time that's like sacrilege, right? The Virgin Mary.

[Stavros Halkias]

I fuck your Virgin Mary. Which is very interesting. Which is like, who's. Yeah, it's like, why are you. Who's. Do they have a specific Virgin Mary that's not yours? But it is very sacrilegious. It means. Because their whole thing is being a very. We actually covered this in a recent. Actually, this will. We covered in an episode that will come out weeks from now, but we do some theology on the Patreon. And basically her whole thing is that she just never. But you know, Mary.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, I got in trouble. I was up in the mountains of Crete and I was walking around and there was like an old church, you know, and I'm super nostalgic. I've been going since I was seven.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Andy Milonakis]

And they have, like, a big bell and I just rang it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow.

[Andy Milonakis]

And they're like, I take a mis. You only ring it for the dead. If somebody dies. If somebody dies, we ring that. I think somebody's dying right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're just trying to have a nice time on the mountains. Like, oh, this will be cool. The bell ringing. And they're like, oh, no. Oh, no. Dimitri's dead. He finally kicked the bucket. That's so. Fuck. It's also very funny to have a death bell. Yeah, it's like, that's pretty depressing, man.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, they're. They're very blunt about a lot of, like, death and life. But that's what makes them so cool, because they're so like, where. Their heart on their sleeve type. Like, I have a really big family on my mom's side, but you go to Christmas and it's all like, niceties and Small talk and like. So, yeah, you're doing good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Oh, you're doing good. And then my. My aunt is like, my heart bleeds until you come back.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. They love. They love guilt. Greek people are great at guilt. They're very, like, descriptive guilt. That's also. Is your mom's side. Your mom's American?

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, yeah, my mom. Yeah. I mean, she's born here. Like, it's. It's generations removed. She's Irish, Italian, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

Gotcha.

[Andy Milonakis]

Generations removed. So I'm not like, I don't like, pose that, like, yeah, I got this, I got that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, it's.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's a few generations removed. So I'm not really in touch with that culture.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Andy Milonakis]

She was born and raised here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Gotcha.

[Andy Milonakis]

My dad's the Greek one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. So that. That does the. That's the. That is a definite, like, a stark difference between a Greek holiday and a, like, American Irish holiday. Yeah, they look. I mean, an Easter especially. We got the best Easter of all Greek people.

[Andy Milonakis]

Easter is more important than Christmas for Greeks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Without question. Well, they. They also, like, that's why I, like, last year we had Giannis Papas on for the New Year. I like having Greeks on because Greek people love New Year's. That's their, like, big ass. Like, my. My family tried this. They tried to make us wait till New Year's for presents because that's what they do in Greece. And we weren't having that. We're like, look, we're in America. I need my Legos right the now.

[Andy Milonakis]

And you gotta find the lucky coin in the cake.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course, you know who's got. Who gets the good luck in the Easter cake. You. You American cretins know nothing about that.

[Andy Milonakis]

Hey, watch the Cretan word. No, no, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

C, R E T I N not. Not an your gift.

[Andy Milonakis]

If you find the lucky coin, you have good luck.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've gotten the coin before. I don't think anything good has ever happened to me. Didn't you get the coin and then you had, like, the worst year of your life, Eldis?

[Unknown]

I don't remember, so I don't know if I did. It definitely did not change anything about my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Eldest, of course, is Albanian. Andy, do you have any. What's your relationship to the Albanian people?

[Andy Milonakis]

I don't know.

[Unknown]

Hey, Speed went to Albania, too. That was awesome.

[Andy Milonakis]

I do want to explore more of Europe, though, because, I mean, I've pretty much traveled for a living for like, eight years. And, like, there's a lot more of Europe I want to explore.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

But in my eyes, just from what I've seen and where I've been, if I had to, like, rank countries in Europe, I feel like Greece and Italy are the two kings of Europe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Greece is awesome, dude. Yeah, that's your blood speaking. And it's true. It's fucking sick. It's the best, like, hangout culture now. Do we have the best public transit? Do we have the best, like, infrastructure?

[Andy Milonakis]

Do we have the best people that work at cell phones. Cell phone stores? Or when you go up and ask for help, do they say, wait.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's not. It's like the customer service either incredible in places that's like pure tourism, or it's the worst you've ever gotten in your life. And if you're there with a woman, they will try and her in front of you.

[Andy Milonakis]

I mean, this is what I boil it down to. If they're in the food industry or like, like, you know, selling, like, baked goods or restaurants, they're really nice to you. If they're in any corporate setting, banks, cell phone stores, they're mentally retired.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're so right about that.

[Andy Milonakis]

They're like, I'm getting a SIM card and the guy is typing like, the b. The holy Bible. He's. He just keeps typing for like an hour. I'm like, bro, it's a SIM card.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Wait. And then it goes off like, it's brutal.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I don't know if you've gotten this, but I. Because my. My Greek is like, whatever. Like, I try and get better at it. I'm fluent. But at a small, like a eighth graders.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But when I'm in Greece, I'm like, I'm gonna learn. I'm gonna, like, speak Greek. I'm really gonna get back in there. They have no patience for a Greek American trying to connect to his roots. Like I was trying. Remember I was trying to rent a car and I was speaking Greek and they were just like. They just. I heard that. I'm like, trying to, like, piece it together. Not doing horrible. It's just that when the. Do I ever talk about cars with my family? Like, if we're talking about, like, making plans, doing whatever, like, I can speak Greek, but I'm like, you know, and. And then she just hears me. She's like, when do you need the car for? We have. We have suv if you need this. And I was just like, okay, I will come pick. Just the most emasculated I've ever felt in My fucking life.

[Andy Milonakis]

They always do that. They're like, this is gonna be faster for me if I speak English.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. I speak two languages, you fucking idiot. They're like, I'm smarter than you. And I work at. I'm a guy at a fucking car deal at a car rental place. I'm a 50 year old man at a car rental place. I am bilingual. You live in a different country and are from ethnically this country and you still can't manage two languages.

[Andy Milonakis]

Where have been in Greece by the way? I was curious about that.

[Stavros Halkias]

My family's from Athens and so. And then my Yaya, her island is Thasso, which is in northern Greece. Thos. And then my godfather lives on Naxo. I've been to a lot of rules. Yeah. Noxus. I've been to like, you know, some of the touristy islands there. Santorini, Mo. That kind of. Yeah, had a horrible time. And I just think those are a little overrated.

[Andy Milonakis]

They're big overrated.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, hugely overrated.

[Andy Milonakis]

Paros is kind of turning into something Santorini a little bit. It's getting much more touristy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

I think Milos's fire has fire.

[Stavros Halkias]

Milos. Yeah, I want to go there. My friend just went this summer. I've never been to Crete yet.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's like a whole different subculture. Yeah, the food is different, the people are different. I was shooting guns at weddings when.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was like nine. Yeah. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

They're wild there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Because it's the most. It's southern Greece. So it's like, it's like if you mix like Greece, North Africa and like even like some Middle Eastern stuff, it's like. And I have friends who are like Crete, from Crete. And they're like, you look at them and you're like, you're like from Egypt. Like they're like dark as shit. And of course their father is one of the most racist guys I've ever met in my life. And talking about how like he's superior to black people. It's like you are African. Like you're fully. You're like dark as shit. You look darker than like Hispanics. Like you look darker than a lot of Dominicans. But that happened. So that, that's a very funny thing that you'll get in like. And that happens in other islands too. Like Carpatho, which is like really close to Turkey and shit. Those motherfuckers look straight up North African. They have like curly ass and they'll. They are the most racist guys you've ever met in your life because they're, they're just like, yeah, we're superior to that. We're not the same person.

[Andy Milonakis]

To me, this sums up what creed is. My father, you know, we have like a, a house in the village, like way high in the village. A lot of the places, like no guard rails. You just windy roads, no guard rails. There's little statues of the Virgin Mary for any time, like a tourist or somebody drunk fell off and it's just like in your memory, here's a little statue.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

And him and his friends would go in the back of a pickup truck at night. One holding a flashlight, one holding a shotgun. And they would go around driving around those mountain roads like shooting rabbits.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just. Yeah, crazy. Just good. Just having a good time with the fellas. Probably drunk as I know that's my favorite is that they have guard rails nowhere. And they'll also just let like children drive mopeds drunk. And they're just going up these winding ass roads. I remember being a 13 year old being like so scared at how like, like experienced Greek children, village children were there like 13 smoking cigarettes, getting pussy, talking about having gang bangs together. What the fuck? I want to play Pokemon. I was so fucking scared when my mom was like, go play with the kids. I was like, these guys are getting pussy and fucking shooting guns and shit. I was legit afraid.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I would show them a dollar and they'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They thought $1 was like worth like so much.

[Andy Milonakis]

Was that back when it was the drachma?

[Stavros Halkias]

It was the drachma, but it was still like $1 was still not that much money. You know what I mean? Like, I could, I could basically I traded kids like a dollar for the equivalent of like $20. They were like, I got an American dollar. And I was like, I can use fucking US Imperialism to get these kids off the scent of what a pussy I am and how much they could if they want to just beat the out of me and took taking the dollar. But you know, Uncle Sam had my back.

[Andy Milonakis]

That's one interesting thing I was thinking of because, like I watch a lot of travel. I travel a lot. For people who are like, it's not like. I know they don't really classify as like third world, second world anymore. But for a pretty core like poor country, I don't see like, you know, besides like some in Athens who are not even Greeks. Like, yeah, people don't like, there's not a lot of fights. There's not a lot of people like stealing your shit. Or robbing you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, it's pretty chill.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, I mean, like, of course it does happen once in a while. There's fucking millions of people everywhere. But, like, I was surprised with how, like, peaceful it is there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, I think it's just such a chill. It's a culture of hanging out and having a good time.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like everyone's just chilling. They're like, yeah, there's not that. I mean, you know, we also probably go in relatively safer places. I'm sure it happens a little more. But you're right, you don't hear about people complaining about it that much. Like, I mean, there's just more of a social safety net. Like, homelessness isn't as big as an issue because also there's. There's more family. There's a bigger family culture, and there's a bigger social safety net. So it's like, if you're struggling, your family will help you, and then you can also get support from the fucking government. Whereas here, it's like Americans, it's like they'll kick their children out, like when they're 16. And then the. And there's no. And there's no social safety net really to speak of. So that's why you. I think that's why you get those issues. But yeah, you've been traveling a bunch, right? Like, you've just like, you, like.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, it's winding down a little bit. But I'm.

[Stavros Halkias]

Every time I see you on the Internet, you're like, you know, having fucking Korean barbecue in Korea. You know, you're like, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

I mean, my last Greece trip was three months ago. I went to a couple new islands I haven't been to in the Onion.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Andy Milonakis]

And then I think like, maybe four months before that, I did Italy again, which I almost got robbed in Naples. I love Naples. Naples is seriously one of my favorite places in Italy. Like Naples and. And. And like Palermo, Sicily. But I was streaming late night and this guy was like, eyeing me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really?

[Andy Milonakis]

The hotels are so weird in Naples. You have to, like, buzz yourself in. And you open. You open the door and it's this pitch black, deep garage, and it's just pitch black. And the garage goes like a hundred yards. And then you. You walk 100 yards in that pitch blackness, and then there's like a little tiny elevator that brings you up. So this guy, like, right when I buzzed myself in, he kind of like scurried over to me and then he held the door for me, and I was drunk as hell. But I saw that. That New York street, and I'm like, nah, after you. After you. He goes, no, no, no, after you. After you. And I go, no, no, after you. And he walks in and holds the door for me, and I just jet towards, like, where I saw some people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude.

[Andy Milonakis]

And this was, like. This was late, so there wasn't that many people. And as, like, I looked behind my back, as soon as I walked, like, 10ft, he, like, walked out and left for sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

He had a huge knife. He was like, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Like, I wouldn't really mind losing, like, my camera set up, but if I got, like, beat up, too.

[Stavros Halkias]

That'S a very chill way to look at it, man. You're like, I wouldn't mind losing my, you know, expensive, specific camera setup that I may use to make my living, but I just don't want to get the shit kicked out of me.

[Andy Milonakis]

I don't get fucking beat up by some goon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Have you been robbed before? Have you gotten, like. Have you gotten, like, back.

[Andy Milonakis]

I mean, back in the day in, like, Manhattan. In Manhattan, I was buying, like, reggae mixes at this place called House of Nubian.

[Stavros Halkias]

How old were you? What are we talking? What years are this?

[Andy Milonakis]

This is probably, like. I was, like, maybe 16.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Young Andy at House of Nubian.

[Andy Milonakis]

I buy the licorice chew stick.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so fucking funny.

[Andy Milonakis]

And my Egyptian musk.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

And I had, like, money on the table to buy, like, all the stuff I was buying. And this guy fucking. Who's selling Sunkissed orange cans for, like, a dollar each.

[Stavros Halkias]

The outside. The guy outside.

[Andy Milonakis]

No. Yeah. He walked in, he goes, I got Sunkissed orange, bro.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

And. And then he saw my money and he grabbed it, and I chased him. And I was screaming on my top of my lungs to get it back because that was all I had, of course. A lot for me. And. And, like, I caught up to him because I wasn't as much of a fat at the time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. A youthful.

[Andy Milonakis]

He goes, follow me to the park, son. I'm gonna stab your ass. He just said, stab?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Like some undercover cop, like, heard me screaming and chased the guy down. He couldn't catch the guy, and the guy just threw the money on the ground. So I got money back.

[Stavros Halkias]

But interesting. Yeah, that's very adventurous. I mean, I guess, 16, you don't know any better, but that's an insane thing to do is, like, just fucking chase some guy and fucking. Matt, you're a teenager.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Trying to buy. Trying to buy reggae mixes.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, man. Trying to fuck up my style. That's my personal. Made me a G.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Stavros Halkias]

That's fascinating. Were you living in Queens? Like, where were you? Where'd you grow up?

[Andy Milonakis]

I was actually living in Westchester County.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Andy Milonakis]

But I. I've told this story before, but it was. It's a weird part of Westchester county because it was like a little pocket of ghetto. I think people don't understand that. They're like, oh, it's Westchester. Everything's rich. Yeah, there's little pockets of ghetto.

[Stavros Halkias]

A while ago, right?

[Andy Milonakis]

This is a long time ago. It's like, it's like 90s.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, 90s. Yeah. I mean, it's like Westchester was so. I mean, I'm sure it was nicer than parts of, you know, New York, but it's like, there's definitely parts of it that could be kind of shitty.

[Andy Milonakis]

And then I never glamorize it. I've never seen. And like, no one's ever been like, shooting and holding up guns.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

But like late 80s, early 90s, there was a lot of crack and a lot of like, up. Yeah, Like, I got in an argument with some guys like, son, and he picked me up by my neck.

[Stavros Halkias]

You were a kid and an adult sort of like, gave you the Darth Vader.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, my mother called the cops on him and he was in the back of the cop car and they're like, do you want to press charges? And. And he goes. She goes, no, I think it's gonna make it worse. Don't press charges. But if you touch my son again, you're going to jail. Yeah, you know, damn.

[Stavros Halkias]

But my insane. Choking a child so crazy.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, but I mean, my memories from my life there, like all the weird, like going to this place, Maple Avenue in Mount Kisco and getting the Mexican guys to buy us 40 ounces. Buy him one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

And hey, mister.

[Stavros Halkias]

A classic. Hey, mister situation.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. And the crack dealer that worked out of my best friend's house, he like. He like bought us all the ill. He took us to Brooklyn, like to Bushwick. And this is before like, like fancy ass are living in Brooklyn.

[Stavros Halkias]

And Bushwick in the 90s was not chill. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

He would just buy us like Nintendo games and food and stuff. Like, we basically had like a guy to give us money.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so funny. So you had. So your crew, your mentor was a crack dealer who got you. Who showed you like Bushwick and got you Nintendo games?

[Andy Milonakis]

So my best friend named Muti. His.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. What's the crew like?

[Andy Milonakis]

You, Mooty, me, Muti. There's a guy named ej. There's a bunch of like old school guys. Right. But it was basically me and Muti were like inseparable. He lived like. So the complexes are like this. And then you walk outside, you go upstairs and then there's another row of apartments.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you guys live in the same.

[Andy Milonakis]

Low income housing, like, right? So I would be over there every day. We'd be watching like, you know, on tv, you know, playing Nintendo, whatever. And the crack dealer befriended Mootie somehow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Andy Milonakis]

Was cooking crack out of his apartment. So.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because he was how old was moot, just like he lived.

[Andy Milonakis]

I think we were both around 15 at the time. Maybe 15, 16, I forget. But since he was cooking crack out of Muti's apartment, he was just generous with all the money he was making.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a crack dealer with a heart of gold.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, he buys like Street Fighter, Chinese food.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shit, that's fucking awesome. Didn't molest you.

[Andy Milonakis]

No, but I did when I was a kid. I was in the room when some guy raped somebody.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, no. Dude, that sucks. That probably fucked you up, huh?

[Andy Milonakis]

Maybe.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think so, man. I think we can safely say that fucked you up.

[Andy Milonakis]

And he tried to like grab my dick to see if it was hard.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh. So damn. Yeah, you got drive by molested during a different sex crime. Crime. You gotta. You got a little molested.

[Andy Milonakis]

So the. The craziest thing about it, we're. Me, the crack dealer, Muti, were all eating Chinese food and then the lights went out and it was getting late anyway. And you know, I'm still in early teens, I still have to go home and yeah, so I was like, all right, what the. I gotta see if my lights are out too. I'll see you tomorrow. I went home, my lights were on. I didn't think anything of it. Went to bed. Next day, I walk downstairs and he had. Muti has no door.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, no battering.

[Andy Milonakis]

Rand opened the feds, ransacked the places.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he lived with his parents, I guess. Yeah, yeah. His mom. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, dude. So.

[Andy Milonakis]

But we had so many adventures.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it sounds like pretty adventurous. Sounds like it was a pretty laissez faire parenting if you could hang out with crack dealers and no one cared. Like, it seems like you guys were able to do some fun stuff.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, my mother just was just naive. She didn't know what was going on. Yeah, she's like, oh, they're going to play Nintendo at Mooties house. You know what I mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

And pops is shooting rabbits in Crete.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. But yeah, I mean, when. When you have no fear and you're young, you have no fear of death or jail.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Shit's like a movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's all like, good times matters.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude, I get that for sure.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That must have been fun. So you. You would like, pop into the city?

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, I would always go to the city. I'd go to Tad's Steakhouse. It was like a little cafeteria style steakhouse.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I love those style of steakhouses.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, I mean, it's. It's kind of like ghetto for what it is when you're a kid. That shit. Luxury.

[Stavros Halkias]

We had a place called King's Court in Baltimore that became an Applebee's. Yeah, but when it was King's Court and you just picked out your. You picked out your sides and then they would cook your steak while you waited. I ordered a T bone as like an 8 year old fat boy and my dad just thought it was hilarious. And obviously I didn't finish it, but it felt. I just wanted to kind of steak that like, you know, a dog in Looney Tunes eats.

[Andy Milonakis]

You know, like with the big, the.

[Stavros Halkias]

P, the circle in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

But yeah, going to the city was special to me, cuz, like, I always like having jobs. From when I was 14, I was like working at a gas station. Oh, like a bus boy working in retail stores. I always had jobs. There was never gaps between jobs because I just love the feeling of getting a check and getting my own money.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Were you. How's he doing on the. Can you keep it a little closer? No, no, this. This is good stuff. And Eldis is a bad producer, so I want to make sure we're not missing any of it. Sound good? He sounds good. Okay, cool.

[Andy Milonakis]

So, yeah, going to the city on like the weekend and just being able to buy some clothes. Buying. To buy some, like, bootleg.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

These and.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Music. Back when we didn't have easy access.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Andy Milonakis]

It was amazing. I loved every minute of it. You know, getting to Grand Central, I'd walk my ass all the way down to 8th and 6th. That's where fat Beats was. And there was also a record store called Rock and Soul. Sold all like, the hip hop vinyl.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's fun, dude. To be like a. A young unsupervised delinquent in New York in the like 90s and 2000s. That's sick, dude. That must have been a fun time because it was still kind of like, kind of dangerous, kind of grimy, kind of like you get into some fun stuff. Yeah, probably.

[Andy Milonakis]

You know, back when Times Square was actually grimy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Did you ever jack off in Times Square?

[Andy Milonakis]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

They have the jack off booths or whatever that was.

[Andy Milonakis]

Maybe I was. I don't know if I was too young or. I stopped going.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Around that time. I don't know. But yeah, I. I used to go into the adult, like, sex tape shops and I never went into those little.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, I know. That is funny that you caught the tail end of that because pretty soon after it became just the Eminem Store. Everybody guy just comes in the M M store. I used to beat off here, bro. Make the blue Eminem show me or make the green M M show me your.

[Unknown]

This changed.

[Andy Milonakis]

The city's change is so bad now. Ye love New York around Christmas time. But now I'm starting to, like, rethink it. Like, I'm staying downtown and I'm. I met up with a bunch of friends and they all, like, want to go, like here and there to do touristy. Touristy. But like, bro, downtown is still kind of cool, but like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah. Times Square is. Is tough, though.

[Andy Milonakis]

I had to go there. I went to a Broadway show. I went to see Elf on Broadway.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Andy Milonakis]

Because it was a little Christmas.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Andy Milonakis]

And Sean Astin was in it. I didn't even know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, nice.

[Andy Milonakis]

But. But we took an Uber. It took an hour, and we were still like, gonna be a half an hour late. So we got off at Grand Central, rushed to the shuttle subway and just got off at Times Square. Just literally like, if a big picture of, like, a bunch of humans together.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Could be classified as aids.

[Stavros Halkias]

Especially Christmas. It sucks dick, but, you know, not. Not the New York of your youth. Why don't you hit us with any other fun adventures? Another one you want to recount? Anything that was the time you got robbed? Any drug deals that went bad? Any weed buys that went bad?

[Andy Milonakis]

Well, I.

[Stavros Halkias]

You.

[Andy Milonakis]

Well, I just. I never. I was very safe with, like, pills. But, you know, a little bit later in life, like, I like to dabble in, like, taking some perks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Andy Milonakis]

And I'm with you, bro. I used to. I used to buy, like, perks out of a tanning salon in la.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the place to do it.

[Andy Milonakis]

Everybody was getting tanned, and I walked in the back, he grabbed a hair net, and she's like, what you want?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

When'd you move to LA?

[Andy Milonakis]

I moved to LA in, like, 2004, maybe 2003. Maybe. I forget.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it was the first thing, cuz, like, was the first thing that, like, popped for you. How old were you when what was the super bowl is gay.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because we're, by the way, we're huge fans. Just. We were the Andy Millinakis show. The. Like, we were fucking legit and having the Greek name. You know how Greek people are, dude. You see a Greek name, there's pride. But you also were just doing shit that we loved. We were. We were battle rap fans when we were younger. So it's like you hit a lot of the. We watched a lot of your. Dude. So. Yeah, we know all about it. Just so you know.

[Andy Milonakis]

That's cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. But, like, how. Yeah, how old were you? Because that was like a big thing. That was just random. Right? Like, you. You were just a guy talking about the super bowl being gay.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, I. I just. I don't know. I don't know why I started making videos, but I was doing these, like, photorealistic comics.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

And then it was just like, three random pictures and each one had a little caption, and then one of them was a wrap. And I was like, why? I have a webcam now. Why don't I just make a video?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

And I did that. And then I did probably, like 100 of them. And I'd get a little bit of response here and there. But the crazy part is, once I started doing improv at ucb, I took, like, a comedy writing course in Gotham. I literally thought, like, the next step to making those videos, what was to kind of like, go out there in the world, like improv classes and that. And while I was doing that shit, instead of uploading like, you know, a video every few days, it went from like a video every like few weeks. So that section of my website was pretty much dying when I made the Super Bowl. Is Gay a banger.

[Stavros Halkias]

A classic.

[Andy Milonakis]

It just turned out to be a banger. Horrible.

[Stavros Halkias]

But yeah, hey man, it was a different time.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, you always talk about like how like close you were for to not happen. But like that was, you know, when I, once I started doing all that real world, met a lot of people that had similar interests. Doing writing classes, doing improv. You know, that site could have very well died without any of them becoming that popular. And then what sealed the deal for me with was another one of my videos that was like a freestyle rap video. Got the eye of a casting director, which at the time, casting people from online videos was unheard of.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, this is literally like pre. Is it even pre YouTube?

[Andy Milonakis]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like that's how crazy. That's what an Internet OG you are. That it was like you were fucking. You had a shitty webcam, you were putting them on your own website. That's so fucking weird. And that it worked. It's awesome because I remember. Yeah. Because there weren't. We would have to go to weird websites to watch videos. That was the era of Ebaum's World and like, you know, like that where you had to just be like. You would find a video. There was no YouTube, which is fascinating.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. And yeah, so that could easily, you know. Oh yeah. So the casting director found another one of my raps and was just like, we've been casting this movie waiting for a couple years.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're great in waiting.

[Andy Milonakis]

Are you in la? She didn't. She didn't know. Jimmy Kimmel discovered me because like I was just being like correspondent man in the street. I wasn't really getting my name super out there right yet. And I was like, yeah, I'm already out in la, blah, blah, so I want an audition and got it. But those. The Jimmy Kimmel thing and Waiting both happened from separate videos that I uploaded.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cool. Yeah. And you were already in LA at the time when that happened or you.

[Andy Milonakis]

Moved when the, for the, when the waiting thing happened. I was already in LA when the Kimmel thing happened, I was in New York.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you're like, Hollywood, baby. Yeah, time to get to Hollywood.

[Andy Milonakis]

Well, I like, I didn't know if it was a joke or I didn't know if it was like a troll or like I Thought I was gonna go out there and do one thing and it was like, oh, he thought this was interesting. And that's it, right? But then they. They made me. They're like, we saw you have some man on the street videos. Can you make another one? Because you're not in them. I'm just holding the camera. I was walking around Queens in a blizzard, asking people why they're outside in a blizzard.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

He's like, yo, I gotta get my coffee. I'm like, you're risking people's life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

One guys. I'm like, why are you out in a blizzard? And one guy finally got. Got it and was like, why are you out in a blizzard with a $30 camera? Actually, it's a $50 camera. So that was the video where I was just filming. And then they wanted me to make like another one. So I went out in Manhattan with my boy Brian lynch, who's like insane writer, he writes a lot of movies now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sick.

[Andy Milonakis]

And he filmed it for me and I was just like. I was hand feeding chicken wings to homeless people. I was rapping with people on the street. I was just wilding the out. I sent them the like mini DV tape.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn. A physical tape. That's hilarious, dude.

[Andy Milonakis]

And then they're like, okay, we're gonna send you to Florida and you're gonna do correspondent.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome. Yeah, that's sick.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's just all. It's still like twilight zoning when I think about it. Because I was. I was working in Manhattan in an office doing like computer tech.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really.

[Andy Milonakis]

And it just like. And like, you know, over time it changed my life. But like in. When I was staying in this hotels and they were moving me from hotel to hotel because they kept giving me more work. It was like the most surreal, weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. Because you don't feel like you live anywhere. You're not. It's like. And it's like all this weird. And you just have to make these videos and. Yeah. You feel. I mean, I at least feel that way when we're on tour so much, where it's like, do I even exist? Am I just a floating entity just doing shows? And like you don't feel like you have a home. So I can imagine it would be surreal since like your first thing is just. And it's on tv, by the way, which. It's like, that's huge. And those were. Those were big. Like we watched those. You know what I mean? Like, those were funny as hell. Yeah. That must have been crazy because. Because so you Were just living in Manhattan and doing like. You had your place. Do you have, like, room?

[Andy Milonakis]

What was your stuff living in Queens? Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You live in Queens. Okay. We had. You have roommates. What was your setup?

[Andy Milonakis]

I had a roommate for a while in On Stop. I was living on Steinway.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Hell, yeah. In the neighborhood.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. And then.

[Stavros Halkias]

But yeah, just hanging out on stuff. You're just like, like, you know, a guy in your 20s doing, like, having shitty jobs and like, doing, like, comedy stuff. Trying to figure it out.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. So I was working in Manhattan on 51st and mad at an accounting firm. I was like their network admin. I. I got hired to go in, like, three days after 9, 11 happened.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn. Damn. They're like, all right, we got two days off. Get back. 9:14. Everybody's back in the office, bro. That's crazy, dude.

[Andy Milonakis]

I'm going through Grand Central. There's all the missing posters.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God.

[Andy Milonakis]

That's when it really hit me. Like, when I saw, like, the happen. But, like, once I saw, like, names and faces, it really me up, of course. So I'm, like, walking from Grand Central to 51st and mad. My first day of work. There's a major computer virus. I. I have to stay three days after 9, 11 happened. I have to stay in the office by myself overnight till 8 in the morning.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jesus Christ.

[Andy Milonakis]

Fixing every.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fixing a computer virus.

[Andy Milonakis]

And when this. When they came back, I had everything fixed because all the accountants book out at, like, a lot of money per hour. And. And they, like, had a little meeting in the semicircle, and they. They sent me home in, like, a limo.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, dude.

[Andy Milonakis]

It was a. It was a good first impression.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You fixed a huge problem that could have cost them so much money.

[Andy Milonakis]

I started coming in late. Yeah. And my boss sat me down, and I seriously thought I was going to get fired. He goes, andrew, what time. What time would you like to come in? You seem to not come in on time. I was like, you know, I was getting there, like 7:38am it was miserable. I hated my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Brutal, dude. That's too early.

[Andy Milonakis]

And he's like. I was like, I don't know, maybe like 11. And that's when I thought he was just gonna fire me. And he goes, andrew, I look at you like an artist. You know, you're different. You. You know how to fix. But your job now starts at 11.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Andy Milonakis]

But you're gonna stay later?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

But I was like, hell, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Those are my hours.

[Andy Milonakis]

Step into the world of power, loyalty, and luck. I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

[Stavros Halkias]

With family, cannolis and spins mean everything.

[Andy Milonakis]

Now you want to get mixed up.

[Stavros Halkias]

In the family business. Introducing the [e-mail] test your luck in the shadowy world of the Godfather.

[Andy Milonakis]

The slot Someday I will call upon you to do a service for me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Play the Godfather [e-mail] Welcome to the family.

[Ryan Seacrest]

No purchase necessary VGW Group void where prohibited by law 18 + terms and conditions apply.

[Unknown]

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[Stavros Halkias]

That's so funny that you were just so.

[Andy Milonakis]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

You've been good at that. You're also like a techie, like.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, I was. I was. I dropped out of high school because I was around with computers and.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

And just like I. I wasn't like some elite hacker or anything, but I was kind of messing with those types of people who were doing like, up weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right.

[Andy Milonakis]

Eventually. My father only hangs out with like Greek guys that are in dirty clothes because they're working in restaurants all day.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

So I came home one day and there's three white guys in suits and it was the FBI.

[Stavros Halkias]

For what? You were just your friends, your hacker friends.

[Andy Milonakis]

I was around online now. I was. I was the lowest on the totem pole as far as guilt.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure, sure. Like what, what kind of like I.

[Andy Milonakis]

Stole like hundreds of a.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's fucking awesome.

[Andy Milonakis]

I had staff accounts. So like normally if you like scroll in a chat room, you just get kicked because it ruins the vibe of the chat room. But if you have a staff account, you can create these little ASCII scrollers and it will just make like pictures and scroll for hours of just like crazy shit. And you can make your own keyword. Like people would go there and type keyword weather and see the weather. On aol, you could type keyword and then like my name and it'll be a picture of me telling the other group to themselves.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're just with people in chat rooms?

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, just around. And then my friends were doing worse. They would charge cars to other hackers, so they would try to get them caught. Or. Or like large items, like four thousand dollar items with stolen credit cards.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Andy Milonakis]

And they would do it to the address of these other like hackers and.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Andy Milonakis]

But I didn't really know all that. So basically I told everybody. I was like, like, you know, my dad's like, we got to get a lawyer. And I go, no, let them take my computer now. Because if they leave, I could just delete everything so it makes me look guilty. And they ended up not taking anything. They left, never heard from it again.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Andy Milonakis]

One of my friends got. Got it way worse. I don't know if he did federal prison or if he just got like five years of probation.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know.

[Andy Milonakis]

But there's a. There's a whole. There's a Village Voice article about it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you were just, at this point in your life, you're like a hacker. You're like a, like a small fake hacker hanging out. Sure. But you're like, you're small. Yeah. You're like a small time hacker who's also, like, doing improv comedy and like just living in Queens with some other guy, just hanging. What a hilarious life, dude. What? That's so funny. And. And your dad was back from Greece and he was around. What was he doing at the time?

[Andy Milonakis]

Well, once I lived in Queens, I would go back once in a while, but my father never, like, once he came here, he never lived in Greece, but he would take. He would take me and my family there like, you know, every few years.

[Stavros Halkias]

But he was living here.

[Andy Milonakis]

He was in Queens.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, gotcha.

[Andy Milonakis]

No, he was living in, in Mount Kisco, in west.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, in Westchester. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I see. So they went to your family's house and.

[Andy Milonakis]

Oh, at the time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's. You were living there. Got you.

[Andy Milonakis]

This was before I got any jobs when I was like, gotcha. I think maybe 18, 17 or 18 before I had the computer jobs. And this was in Katona. And yeah, when I got back and I saw those people I was scared of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn, that's so funny doing. Doing small time online crimes. But you were nice with it.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. And I met up with like, strangers like, that were like, doing like some like, light hacking. Like when we met up in the city and we were like going to like web cafes to do like, up. It was like we were trying to, like, we were trying to steal like very short AOL names. Like I had like God or job. Like we're taking. I don't know. It was like a lot of it was just like Script Kitty. It wasn't like, like crazy. When you think about the crazy hackers and what they really do, it was just Kitty.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it, man. Yeah, don't worry, the cops won't find out about this. You're good, dude.

[Andy Milonakis]

Well, I just don't want to like be like a poser, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

So elite hacker.

[Stavros Halkias]

I respect that, man. You fought you. Yeah, you. You tell like it is. You were a small time hacker. That's so funny. And then you were just so good at that. How long did you. Did you have?

[Andy Milonakis]

Like when I dropped out of high school, I went to this offset of Skidmore College and White Plains, which is all for tech. And I did like MCSC A plus like certification just like, like basic. So when I wanted to put on a resume as like a. Yeah, non high school diploma. Just that I have like some qualifications with computers and we had like 21 people. We had like 20 something people in our class and none of them could touch me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, hell yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

We had like our final thing. They basically the software broke like 20 computers and then an extra credit one and we had to go around fix it. And then when we fixed it, the next person, the teacher had to like put some code in to it up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

But yeah, I like, I knew more than everybody in that class. Like.

[Stavros Halkias]

And were they paying you well at that other. At the 911 job at the, at the time?

[Andy Milonakis]

I mean, I forget what year it was, but I think at the time it was like maybe like 45, 50k.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Andy Milonakis]

So like this was like over 20.

[Stavros Halkias]

Years ago and you were a young high school dropout.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I'm sure they were. I'm sure you were doing like four times the amount of value for them. But they were like, he doesn't know that. He's some fucking. You know.

[Andy Milonakis]

Well, the thing is it was, it was a small accounting firm and they didn't know shit. So like. And I, I was really good at what I did, so I had the place fucking well oil machine dialed in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

And then they would. Once in a while the partners would come up to me, they're like, what are you working on right now? They just wanted to make sure I was working. Even though my job was just to make sure everything was up and running, well oiled, nothing wrong. And I would always just make up. I'm like, I have to defrag the hard drive.

[Stavros Halkias]

It'S lagging.

[Andy Milonakis]

And I'd be on like just different websites.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're trying to. Yeah, you're buying, you're buying more reggae stuff on the dark web. You're trying to get Bob Marley shoes.

[Andy Milonakis]

See, Bob Marley's a legend, but not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not your thing.

[Andy Milonakis]

I listen to, like. I like that raspy, just harsh voice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Capleton.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Okay. Nice, dude. Yeah. I don't know. I'm not. I'm not a man of the world like you. I'm not as well versed in that. Me and Elders were just mixtape, you know, we a little. We're a little younger, so it was like we. We were down. I mean, I would buy bootlegs at school. We were at the tail end of bootleg, and then everything was just downloading it off, off the fucking Internet.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

We never did anything. We weren't really. I was a fucking pussy as a child. My family was, like, so overprotective and, like, worried, and they never let me do anything fucking cool. So it was, like, until we were like, maybe 17, when I got my mom's Dodge Grand Caravan and we could whip it to, like, kind of sketchy parties and I started selling weed. We didn't really do anything sketchy at all, to be honest with you. We were fucking pussies. But, yeah, you know.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, it's funny. Like, I did some up, but I wasn't like. Maybe I just seemed too much like a good kid to them. Yeah. Because I wasn't, like. I wasn't getting into.

[Stavros Halkias]

You had an innocent look about you, too.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, young, young you.

[Andy Milonakis]

I wasn't doing, like, Psycho, where they're like, oh, no, our kid's crazy. We got to put them in psych ward. Like, I was just like. Like that an adult should do, maybe. But, like, I'm just drinking a 40. Yeah. A little joint, bro. I ain't hurting nobody.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love it, dude. Yeah, that's so funny. And then you just go to LA and you're just the spoils of Hollywood. You're taking pills.

[Andy Milonakis]

You know, I never got addicted. I used to always just dabble and then, like, stop. I was, like, always paranoid. I've never done, like. Like, you could name any drug in the world. If it's like a street drug and not. Not like a pharmaceutical, I've never done it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Respect.

[Andy Milonakis]

I'm like. Just because I'm scared.

[Stavros Halkias]

Scared? Yeah. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

If I wasn't scared, I would. I'm curious about it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

I'm curious.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

If you tell me, I guarantee you nothing bad is gonna happen to you. And I could just have some acid right now. I would do it right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. No acid, no psychedelics.

[Andy Milonakis]

No, I'm just scared.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Andy Milonakis]

I'm. When it comes to.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. Well, I've definitely done plenty of those. Oh, you could probably get some. Maybe some mushrooms in Amsterdam. The truffles. Those are pretty well regulated.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, you have to eat so many of them. I went with a group of my friends and I was the only. Who didn't. Yeah, they were all just like shoveling them down. Their.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, they're a lot and they're fresh. They taste like. But they will get you up.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yes, brother. You better believe it. Well, there's so much more we could talk about. We got. But we, you know, half the shows. We need to give people their sage advice here.

[Andy Milonakis]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you know, people leave voicemails. They're going to want to hear from you. We have way more questions. You got to come back someday. Or maybe, maybe we'll come visit you in Texas. Sometimes we do travel shows. Maybe we'll come. We'll come to Texas. Let's see what we got here. Eldis, what do we have? And by the way, in the midway point, tell people where they can find you your streams. Like you know where, where, what do you want to plug anything here? Here's the. Here's a nice choice place for. Because we're huge fans, me and elders, we love this guy. He's hilarious. And you know, now you're stream, which I think is a. You're great for street. I think a lot of people who stream, I don't understand why they have an audience, but you're a very interesting, funny personality that I would love to watch, brother. It's fun to watch you do. And it's fun to watch you even when you're not traveling, just like hanging out. You're a great streamer. So where can they, where can the people find you, Andy?

[Andy Milonakis]

I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

We'll put it in here, man.

[Andy Milonakis]

No, I'm just kidding. It's just Twitch tv. Annie Milanakis.

[Stavros Halkias]

There it is. Go find the boy.

[Andy Milonakis]

Find me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Go find him and then come see us. The Dream Boat tour. It's a great. If you missed Christmas, great last minute gift. Get people tickets to come see us on tour.

[Andy Milonakis]

You do a lot of shows, huh?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gone. The dream, the, the. This coming tour, we're gone. February through May, we're gonna be on a tour bus pretty much the whole time. We're gonna have a 10 day break in the middle, but other than that, yeah, we're out the whole time.

[Andy Milonakis]

Hell yeah, it's gonna be fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm very, I'm excited. I took this year off of touring and so I'm excited to get back out there and see the people.

[Andy Milonakis]

Hell yeah, buddy. You gonna stay in New York for Christmas?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm going to Baltimore. My family's in Baltimore.

[Andy Milonakis]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a little place there that I. That's, you know, we were talking about it off camera, but it's like, as much as I love New York, life is so much easier literally everywhere else. Like I have a whole house in Baltimore. It's. It. I got a nice big ass kitchen. I got a nice. Yeah, I love it here. But relaxing. It's not a relaxing place. It's a great place to do, to see, to have a good time. But I need a couple. I need a little relaxation time. So I'm hitting beautiful Baltimore for that.

[Andy Milonakis]

Just kind of like. It's kind of like Greece. Like. It's so beautiful. So many views are just like. Feel like you're. It's like unrealistic how beautiful it is. And then you walk down the road and sprain your ankle on all the bumps. The rooms have no ac. The beds feel like they're made out of rice cake.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. The bed technology increases, so mattresses are like in 1942, like, I feel like a luxury hotel. You're sleeping on what, like a World War II GI slept on.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's crazy. Very comfortable. No, when you go to the beaches and you just see the insane views.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'Re like, oh man, the beach is beautiful and tranquil. But you're right.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not.

[Andy Milonakis]

Not very comfortable.

[Stavros Halkias]

It takes a while to set up. You're right. Actually, the, the infrastructure is pretty similar where it's like every. To get something comfortable would be so expensive.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it is beautiful. It's a good place to vacation.

[Andy Milonakis]

The luxury of America, but like the beautiful weather and scenic views of Greece.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

I mean, there's no way we could live there comfortably because everybody would want to live there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that's my goal. It's gonna take a while, but I want to like get a place. I want to get like a mattress for a fat man. I want to get a specific fat mattress. I want to get ace. Like, I want to get a place and actually turn it into that. But that's like a year of prod. You know what I mean? That's going to take years to really get right.

[Andy Milonakis]

I've been waiting for my Greek citizenship for about three years now. There's like, they're always like a new piece of paper that I need. And once I get That I do want to buy a house and like probably Crete.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell yeah, bro. It's awesome.

[Andy Milonakis]

I just think it'd be cool like to have a bank account there if I need to help my friends. Like like my, my. Not really my friends. My like family.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, family. Yeah, yeah, I'm with you. I want to set up shop there. I want to live there like three months out of the year if I can figure it out.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, we'll see.

[Stavros Halkias]

I am a Greek citizen, but they. I don't want to get. I don't want to go to the army. So I'm waiting a little bit. I'm waiting a little bit. But we'll see. We'll get there.

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[Stavros Halkias]

Eldis, what do we got? Can we help these people? Can we help these idiots?

[Unknown]

What's up, F. Eldis? Hopefully the halkiest bros too. I have a relationship question for you guys. I've been in a relationship for about three.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, we got it.

[Unknown]

What's up? Fabian Eldis. Hopefully the healthiest bros too. I have a relationship question for you guys here. I've been in a relationship for about three years now. I was originally about £300 when we got together. I'm now 180ish.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, nice, dude.

[Unknown]

My question is I want to get on gear, but my girlfriend is staunchly against it and I'm willing to play the long game here, hopefully hop on some TRT. I'm 29 years old now.

[Stavros Halkias]

29.

[Unknown]

My question is, how do you think the best way for me to go about warming her up to that idea? All right, guys, thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

What are you talking about? Why do you want to be on fucking gear? Bro, you're 29. That's nuts. His girl. He's mad his girlfriend doesn't want him to do steroids. She's worried about you. It's an unhealthy thing to do. You've done a great job losing weight. You should be proud of that.

[Andy Milonakis]

But, like, I wish his girlfriend was the one writing in about this issue and then I could tell her to dump you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude, you're nuts. Like, what the are you talking about? She should she staunchly against it because it's bad for you. You've done a great job getting healthy. Are you gonna be a fucking. What? What do you get out of this? You want to be the jack. The most jacked guy at fucking Office Depot. Who gives a fuck? You want to be the classic T mobile jacked guy. Like, you have a. You have a good relationship. You've lost weight. You've been together three years. This is like. And I know it's not exactly the same, but this is like being like, I really want to get into pills, but my girlfriend is against it. It's like, unless you have a reason to be, unless you have some kind of like, you know, hormone deficiency, like, it's been shown that this shit is bad for you. You'll probably. And even let's say you just get jacked, like, you will have probably anger issues. Like, this is. Unless you're competing. Like, doing steroids is. At your age is not smart. Now, TRT, when you're older, seems like 50 year old guys get to like, continue to feel young. Like, that's one thing that, you know, I'm not gonna dismiss outright. But at 29, you're not a professional bodybuilder. All this will do is be expensive and maybe like, you know, detrimental to your health like yourself.

[Andy Milonakis]

Loser.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude, have you Matt, maxed out what you can do without gear? Like, are you really working out that hard? Basically, we're completely on her side. You're stupid. It must be. Maybe it's weird. You probably got loose skin and you feel weird about it, but he's trying.

[Andy Milonakis]

To brag to us.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He called in. He was like, I'm not as fat as you guys. I used to be, but not anymore. Don't get on gear unless there's some medical reason for it. Especially if your girlfriend's against it. Staunchly against it.

[Andy Milonakis]

Staunchly against it.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, yeah, man.

[Andy Milonakis]

The muscle gaining go to be scholars. Staunchly against it. What shall I ever do? Scarlet?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude. Don't get on gear. That's nuts. Although I would like to get on gear, personally. I mean, I get it. I get the fantasy of it. It's like. It's like if your girl was like, I want to get a fucking crazy BBL and big fake tits. It's the male equivalent of that. Yeah, you want to look awesome.

[Andy Milonakis]

I don't know, but I feel like these huge asses to where the fact that there's, like, ass cleavage.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mm.

[Andy Milonakis]

Like, I feel like our caveman instincts kick in because the, like, first glance, I'm like, oh, that's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then.

[Andy Milonakis]

And then my brain tells me, nah, too much.

[Stavros Halkias]

Why?

[Andy Milonakis]

Because, like, I. I feel like my animal instincts, like, is telling me that it's, like, not real.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mmm.

[Andy Milonakis]

Just like, if you ever grabbed, like, fake tits.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Andy Milonakis]

Like, you want to get turned on. You see the tits, they look nice. And then your brain kind of goes like.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have never had that issue with fake tits, personally.

[Andy Milonakis]

Really?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I'm simple enough that if the titties. Look, this is the thing. Sometimes fake tits from a purely aesthetic, they stay kind of hard. Like when you're fucking someone, they kind of stay perfect in a weird, uncanny way. But my dumb brain's like, nice. Two fucking tits that are right there. And I don't mind the grab. I think it's fun. I'm a man of science, so when I grab a fake tit, I'm like, thank you. Thank you, Dr. Fauci, for making this possible.

[Andy Milonakis]

That. That goes against all I stand for. Because when a girl is bent over and the fucking. The gravity physics of. Of natural tits, when a girl's bent.

[Stavros Halkias]

Over, those are awesome.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah, it's just like. That's the best part about that, actually.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is actually an awesome. Yeah, the. The bent over titty hang is awesome. I. I agree with you. Now I see your point. And my biggest issue with bbls having dabbled is that my dick is too little. Those huge asses swallow up my little ass dick. And that's. That's. That's why I have to really do some. Some real maneuvering to keep the big ass cheeks from sliding down and just absolute. It's like an avalanche, you know? It's like an avalanche and my dick disappears, you know, when. When those big butt cheeks come down. So. But I'm, you know, personally, I'm a. I am an admirer of what science is capable of.

[Unknown]

We have the technology.

[Stavros Halkias]

We have the technology. Let's pray God, let's push it to the limit.

[Unknown]

Get the bionic bbl Bro.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. I mean, I don't mind the ashes that much, but it's just the fake. The face surgery.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, the face. Yeah, sure, that's. That's true.

[Andy Milonakis]

That's where it gets a little bit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Get some big fake tits, some big fake asses. But it's also like, keep that face natural.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's also like the brain that goes behind it. Like, what type of human being this is. I'm not talking about just. But I'm talking about like, the brain behind the woman with the face. Fake surgery, fake face, fake tits, fake ass. Like, sure. How is she for drinks?

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right.

[Andy Milonakis]

2.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you're too worried about your appearance, are you investing in yourself in any other way? Yeah, sort of thing.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's just like what goes on in your mind and how is your personality?

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. If all you value is how you look, what else is there? Nothing else.

[Andy Milonakis]

Can you imagine being blown away by a woman's personality that had the. The fakest face you've ever seen, fakest tits, fakest ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

It would be interesting. I think that's a rare breed.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think that some of them are.

[Andy Milonakis]

Out there to start injecting some dope personalities in these fake.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe I'm a much more of a simpleton than you because I'm like, fake tits. I'm like, I'm hearing that. I'm like, I. It'll take me a while. It'll take me like, dating that person for a month to realize, hi, what is her personality? I do think. I do think we have gotten to a point where, like, way more people are sort of, like, doing some minor stuff. Like, almost everybody does something these days because it's gotten. The technology has gotten kind of good enough. Like, how many friends? I don't know if you. If you feel this way, but I feel like all my dude friends. No one. No one is a. No one has the design. No one has the fucking guts to go bald anymore. All these fucking guys are getting fake hair. You know what I mean? Like, and. And that's the same thing with, like, oh, this is the light up one. I just realized. And I feel like the same thing with like, like filler. They've kind of figured it out where it's not usually, if you're light about it, it doesn't go crazy. So I think we're finding more people. But I take your point, though.

[Andy Milonakis]

My friend. My friend that I'm hanging out with this week is bald. But he's like, like, he's like bald. He's Like, a handsome, like. Like, really tall. Like, he was, like, meant to be bald, right? So I don't.

[Stavros Halkias]

He got the right angular.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. Shout out to Joe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shout out to just sexy Joe. Sexy. That sexy Q ball. But yeah, I'm with you, though. That's a. That is a good point.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's funny. Everybody flies to Turkey for hair shad.

[Stavros Halkias]

They do. They do. Turks have figured that out.

[Andy Milonakis]

Get some pomegranate juice and some hair.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna get plugs. I'm like 65 years old. I'm gonna zag. That's always been my. That's always been my move.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's your character.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, what else we got? L.D.

[Unknown]

All right. I broke up with my girl. Or me and my girl fell apart a couple months ago, and I started seeing this new girl, and she's like the five. Five, £120, loves to work out. And she's like, goth with a lot of, like, mini skirts, like, tights. She wore a collar to my first date with her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Unknown]

Like, I'm about it. It's awesome. It's dope. But she also has this, like, you know, anti establishment patriarchy thing going on. So, like, she doesn't want to, like, shave the leg.

[Andy Milonakis]

Is this chat GPT?

[Stavros Halkias]

She doesn't like the.

[Andy Milonakis]

Is this.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a lot of these guys, man. A lot of these calls are like, chat GPT.

[Andy Milonakis]

Can you write this long simp message about me and my girl? And instantly it's like, yes, here's nine paragraphs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's like, oh, we've been doing this a lot, Chad. GPT is mostly used for this.

[Andy Milonakis]

Okay, sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no. Feel free to interrupt.

[Unknown]

She doesn't want to, like, shave the legs. She doesn't like to, like, wear deodorant. And I'm just like. I don't really know how I feel about it, you know, because, like, I get it, right? I wouldn't want to shave my legs either. Fuck that. But, like, her legs get, like, almost hairier than mine, so I'm just kind of like. I don't really know how to feel about it, right? And it's like, authentically her, so I don't want to, like, pressure her to, like, change this thing about her. Well, yeah, but that tail is good, you know? Like, that is top tier. So what are you thinking, man? I just don't really know where to go from here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Andy Milonakis]

Get her a razor for Christmas.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is awesome.

[Andy Milonakis]

You could use this one or two ways.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's like, whatever. Oh, I Just found this. Yeah. This is so funny, because this question boils down to, like, I'm dating someone and I don't like a couple traits of hers. Should I accept her anyway or should I do, like, what are your options here?

[Andy Milonakis]

All I know is your answer is the right one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, dude, it's like, I got good news for you. If you try and pressure a girl like this, she will relish breaking up with you. She's waiting. She would. She's waiting for some f. For like, a straight guy that she's dating to be like, why don't you adhere to some beauty standards? She'd be like, fuck you. You don't tell me what to do. Either way either. Whether you go along with it or whether you fucking tell her to shave her legs and she tells you to fuck off, it'll be good for her. Like, you're not changing this girl.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got nothing here. She's the one who's so good. You're like, you a guy who's net. You've actually started thinking about feminism. This girl's so good that you're like, hey, yeah, I don't want to shave my legs either.

[Andy Milonakis]

I mean, he could break her confidence. He could start thinking about dead people in the bedroom, and his dick will be soft and he'll be like, I don't know. It's just. Honey, it's just the legs. It's just my animal instinct thinks my brain. But you're really sexy. But my. My pp.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, dude, I mean, you're just. This is just.

[Unknown]

You hear it in his voice. She knows she's got him on the razor's edge. And yeah, it's like. And it's like, hey, man, this is the big leagues. If you want hot goth.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, this comes with. This comes with. And look, I'm not saying it doesn't. Other, but other isn't. Other types of, you know, goth isn't available. But it's like, whatever this guy girl's got going on, she sounds awesome. And it's like, you're just gonna have to put up with some hairy likes of that. I mean, some people. It sounds like it's not a problem for him as of yet. You know what I mean?

[Andy Milonakis]

Underarms is even more cringe to me when people grow videos and they. They let it fly. And I'm just right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of the two, I would have. I would actually prefer the arms to me, personally. Yeah, I gotta have a. I. Look, I'm. I don't think. I honestly don't think as much. You know, at a certain point it's just what you can. What you want to put up with and it's like. Or what you're. It's like, hey, do what you want. But it's not for me. I think, you know, not shaved. And it's. I'm not saying like, you know, girls gotta get a wax every day. But I just like, I'm a little old fashioned. You get some hairy armpits. Great. But shaved legs, I feel like I'm gonna need personally.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But hey, that's up to you. And you know, I wonder how old.

[Unknown]

She is not to call this a phase or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true. I do know, I do know girls who like definitely have a rebellious.

[Unknown]

Like how many girls who did this in their 20s, like kept it up like into their 30s and not that this will last more than like a few months.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, clearly.

[Andy Milonakis]

I mean, she is anti established establishment. So maybe she makes tick tocks of her at protests.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's possible she could get, you know, she'd get under the Trump administration if she's at a protest. Maybe they black bag her, put her in, take her to Guantanamo Bay for being at a. Anti Israel. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Maybe the problem there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So yeah, man. It's funny because there's really no question here. It's just like, I like this, this girl. I like this girl. I just wish she shaved her legs. And it's like, okay, the. Do you want me to do about that?

[Andy Milonakis]

Like it's about, is he gonna deal with it or not? He's the only one who could answer that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no, there's nothing to be done other than accepting this person as they are.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or not dating them. And my hunches, she'll probably dump you, so it won't be a big issue. But hey, good luck out there, buddy.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. If he gets dumped, he could just constantly text her girls with their shaved legs and be like, yeah, she's so sexy.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's so smooth. You like a goth? What's. What's. Do you have a type, Andy?

[Andy Milonakis]

I really like Japanese girls a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's respect.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

With. They're like, they're just with regular tissue with non fake tips.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's not just like the looks, it's like the demeanor. And they're like. The only problem I have is when you're in Japan, World War, Pearl harbor and then Hiroshima. I actually went to the Hiroshima Peace Museum.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, whoa.

[Andy Milonakis]

And it was dark.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Dude, I didn't know there Was going to be so many personal, very personal stories there. Yeah, but the problem is your dick's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hard at the Hiroshima museum.

[Andy Milonakis]

No, the problem with the language barrier is it's all small talk. And after a while, like, you know, small talk, small talk, small talk, small talk. It's hard to have like a real spark when it's just all small.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Andy Milonakis]

When there's a language barrier.

[Stavros Halkias]

Language barrier is tough.

[Andy Milonakis]

I mean we're like flirting with Google fucking trans.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Are you going to be an ex pat man? You're going to go there. You're going to wear a short kimono with a Japanese wife.

[Andy Milonakis]

I don't really like Weebs and like the whole like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like you're not an anime guy.

[Andy Milonakis]

Like there are a couple anime movies I like but the anime obsessed when their whole personality is that. Yeah, I don't like that. I like I just how Japan works as a society and just how people behave.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's pretty orderly.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. Some of it is. Is. Is scary on totally a work level. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everyone killing themselves because they don't because they've brought dishonor to their boss.

[Andy Milonakis]

But on a personal level, it's like, it's like super respectful and kind and sweet, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

I. With that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, there aren't white out here. Could never passport, bro. Andy Milonakis is going to Japan. Yeah, dude. I. It does feel Japan is so interesting because everything you said is true. There's so much respect and all this other. But then their culture is like. Like they work too hard. None of them are. It seems like. Like they have a negative birth rate. They're all like two like. And it's this weird thing where it's like, yeah, that's. It's honestly the polar opposite. Well, that's the thing. It's the polar opposite of Greek culture where it's like no one works at all, but everybody's and having a good time and getting drunk and sitting on the beach.

[Andy Milonakis]

I call my cousin, I'm like, I'm coming to Greece. You want to go to a few islands? He's like, yeah. I'm like, it's gonna be like 12 days. He's like, like. I was like, do you got work? Yes, I could do work when I get back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly. Maybe you're on to something. Maybe Greece and Japan, if you take the two extremes, it just makes a functioning society. You know what I mean? It's like you get.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's funny because those are my two favorite countries on earth and they could.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not be more different, honestly. That's so interesting. That's so. I never thought about how we are basically the exact opposite of Japan. And I. I with Japan, too. I loved. I loved it over there. It is funny because they also have this very polite racism. It is a very racist place. But they're just like, no, you can't. No. Only Japanese people here. They're smiling and they like. I knew somebody who lived there and the landlord was like, and of course we're gonna charge you 600 extra dollars because you're white and not Japanese. And they're like, what? And they're like, well, yeah. I mean, so like a foreigner's tax.

[Andy Milonakis]

And the real estate person, you have to pay like, like 10k as like a thank you for, like, it's a. It's very annoying and expensive to, like, rent a place there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, sounds good, man. You gotta break. Bring some grease. Some grease into Japan. I love it. Yeah. Yeah. All right, what else we got? Eldis.

[Unknown]

Hey, dog.

[Stavros Halkias]

Big fan of the show.

[Unknown]

I got up to some shenanigans at the company Christmas party this past weekend. You know, one thing led to another. Accidentally hooked up with a co worker.

[Stavros Halkias]

Accidentally, huh?

[Unknown]

She doesn't work for me. Definitely a level below me and on the same team, so we work fairly closely.

[Stavros Halkias]

She is.

[Unknown]

10, eight years older than.

Me, maybe I'm 26.

[Andy Milonakis]

Sexy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Great. So I definitely want to do it. She's an intern from the local middle school.

[Andy Milonakis]

I read it quick.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like, great. So I definitely want to keep doing.

[Unknown]

It, but not sure if I should and what the repercussions might be. Would love your advice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thanks. Wow.

[Andy Milonakis]

Cla.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is classic stuff. This is like. This is the stuff that I'm mad. I didn't have a regular job at any point. Point in my life because I never really got to experience the office holiday party. I'm sure it sounds like maybe you didn't either, right? You were kind of just bouncing around. Did you ever go to a classic office holiday party?

[Andy Milonakis]

Not really, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not really. Eldis, you're the only one, huh?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I went to a few holiday parties.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did you ever take any shots at a co worker?

[Unknown]

I never did the, like, the holiday parties. I. Most of them, like, I was already in a relationship.

[Stavros Halkias]

I see. I see.

[Unknown]

Yeah. People were getting up and you could tell.

[Stavros Halkias]

Was there ever some drama? Was there ever some. We found out. Did you ever gossip at all?

[Unknown]

No, I never heard about any drama or anything. Stink in the moment. You could tell.

[Andy Milonakis]

Did you write this question?

[Unknown]

Yeah, I stopped last weekend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Our holiday party. Me, you, our two editors. We should have a Stavi Baby Enterprises holiday party.

[Unknown]

It's just probably won't like, get to.

[Stavros Halkias]

It till like, late January or something like March somehow. We do it on the road. Yeah, okay. This is a classic thing here, buddy. Now, my hunch is to say it's sort of like Vegas rules of, like, whatever happens at the holiday party stays at the holiday party. And that if you had just. My hunch is like, look, just take the free. The free Christmas and move on. Don't make this a thing. This is the cleanest way to go about this. Move on, whatever. But, you know, he's 26. Does he care about this?

[Andy Milonakis]

None of this matters. Like, the thing is, like, I think people are so caught up with like, like, societal rules. Like, obviously don't break the law and don't be like a rapist serial killer. But, like, when it comes to, like, this might not be the right thing to do, but I kind of did it anyway. Is it okay? Like, bro, we're animals, man. You some chick, keep her or don't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? What do you ultimately want? Fun. I. I'm with you. Where it's like, you know, they say he. It's not like he really has that much power over her. The fact that she's older is kind of fun. The fact that it's kind of bad, like, kind of naughty is probably fun. Your options are basically like, the. The negatives are, what if. What if she. Like, what if somebody catches feelings? Like, it just becomes much messier when you're working together. Because the thing is, most relationships like this don't work, right? And it's like, are you ultimately comes down to which is better, the pussy or the job? Like, you're 26. Do you really care about this job? Do you have a foot out the door? Anyway, do you want to work here long term? If so, probably shouldn't keep fucking her. But if. If not, who cares?

[Andy Milonakis]

And then look fucking her. Like, when you're. When you're 60, are you gonna remember, wow, and I lasted an hour extra three years at this job. Are you going to remember fucking some fucking milf?

[Stavros Halkias]

It was cool to fuck. Yes, it was cool to fuck someone 10 years older than you. That is cool. But does she want that also is the other thing. You know what I mean? Like, we only have hit. Like, it's very possible. This woman's like, well, that was fun. Like, I feel like this is a classic move. People just fuck at the party and then pretend it's like the purge. It's the sexual purge, the holiday party. And so take your cues from her. Does she seem down? Does she want to keep it casual? If not, do you want to date this person? If that's the case, are you down to have a secret little romance? And do you care about your job? How much do you care about your job? Personally, if I was 26, I got some from a 34 year old. I'm gonna keep trying to her, I just am. But I also never cared about my job at any point in my life.

[Unknown]

So I feel like because she is 34, he just. Just needs to like play it cool no matter what. And like you know, if you're, if you're like a 34 year old chick, like a 26 year old guy, you know what's up. And you're probably not looking to like settle down with your co worker, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

So that's probably true. I. I often feel like, usually in these situations I feel like it's the younger man who catches feelings because the woman's like well no, obviously I'm just using you for that youthful prick. I don't want to settle down with your stupid ass. Although this lady is a sub, works underneath him. So she might be a dummy. So who knows. A lot of variables. It comes down to do you care about the job more than you care about getting slurped off? You're gonna have to do that math yourself, pal. We don't. We can't tell you. Damn. I would have loved to fuck a lady in my office. I never did.

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[Stavros Halkias]

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[Unknown]

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[Stavros Halkias]

Couple more nice ones here, Eldis.

[Unknown]

Yeah, this is a longer one, but it's awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right.

[Unknown]

Thank you so much for all that you do. I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 32. And one of the first questions he asked me is if I've ever had a threesome. And I have. I've had two. And he particularly had issues with the threesome that I had with two guys. He asked me for more information about it and I initially like, sound the cuck alarm.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy hates it because he loves it. He wants to watch you get by two guys. But anyway.

[Unknown]

He asked me for more information about it and I initially lied to him because of the look on his face. He was very upset that I had. I had a threesome with two guys and I had lied and said that I did it with people that I knew. And then like a month or so in I was like, hey, I lied to you. I actually like, I didn't know these guys. And this stems from I lied about my body count.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who asks about body count? This guy. This is crazy to ask about a body count. Like early on is.

[Unknown]

And then 32 and she's 20.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're 32, she's 24. Oh, I didn't even think about that. If you're that age and you're asking a 24 year old about her body count. Come on, man. What the are we doing here? The whole point is you're like, you're supposed to. Aren't you supposed to be like a mature guy who knows this doesn't matter? But in reality, this is a guy who didn't when he was 24 and he's just seething that also she didn't know him. Who cares what she was up to before you? Like, that's crazy.

[Andy Milonakis]

Anyway, I think we've like devolved as humans. Not just like, like, you know, in, in every single aspect.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Not, not that whole like prude thing was perfect. Like back in the day was like, m. Lady, can I take you out on a date? And you hold her hand and like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, courting. Yeah, traditional courting.

[Andy Milonakis]

And she. You might not get a kiss on the first date.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Like the thing is, like, certain things about that seem old fashioned and whack, but also I think there's a thing called sexual tension that is actually important.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Andy Milonakis]

When. When these kids are like adults, whatever, are like swiping on Tinder and the person just shows up and you instantly them. And then they leave. Like, that's not as hot.

[Stavros Halkias]

I agree with you. There is definitely like an immediacy that does cheapen things a little bit. I definitely feel that way about, like, my personal. Let's say dating life is like, I. I like. Yeah, there's something nice about going on a couple dates, kind of like. Or even. Even the, like, meeting somebody and, like, building up attention over time. Yeah. You know, that's.

[Andy Milonakis]

And just like, you don't even know if you're gonna.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe you won't. And then, like, longing is very powerful.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. And then happens. It's just like. It's like. Then it can become, like, magical almost.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

But like, when it's just like. And this might be an unfair thing about this paragraph specifically.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Andy Milonakis]

Like, I was just thinking about, like, how. How it is these days.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I. I agree with you in general, but I also think, like, hey, at the same time, if you're gonna go have some fun, that doesn't really matter. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like, if I were to meet someone in a way that you're describing where it's like, like, kind of, you know, kind of nice and relationship evolves over time. I'm not asking her how many guys she's.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I don't want her to ask me how many women I. It's like, that's not what this is about. Like, yeah, we both are adults who have had, you know, separate lives. We didn't really know each other.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's like, whatever. It's like, that's pretty much. It's like, what is the issue there? What are you worried about? That it's like, you know, do you like this person or not? That's what's important. Because nobody. It's not like everybody knows. How many people are you worried about people judging them, judging you? Either way, you're worried about the wrong. You're not worried about your actual relationship. And it's like. It's also to, like, get your feelings hurt. That your girl was a freak before she met you is kind of strange to me too. It's like, anyway, let's figure out. Let's. Let's get to the absolute bottom of this, because it's very interesting to me.

[Unknown]

Count. And he was kind of, like, sniffed out the lie. I'm already feeling bad for this. But he then, you know, we got over the lying thing. He understood why I lied initially, and then he was just upset that I had had this threesome with two guys that I didn't know. I met them at the club. You know, I went home with them. I told him, you know, he. He asked me what. Well, why did you go home with these guys? And, you know, I was like, well, I was. Well, I mean, you know, when I'm single, like, and I, I really vibed with them and, and basically, it's, we're kind of into our relationship and he can't get over it, and he wants a threesome. And last night at dinner, he brought up, hey, would you ever, like, Would you ever had a threesome with me? And I told him, well, you know, we've had this, this discourse about issues of, like, you know, I, when I had a threesome, you know, when I was single, but, like, enjoying that with you. I, I, I'm not sure if you're over that issue, which is fair.

[Andy Milonakis]

Take it out.

[Unknown]

I just feel really judged by this guy who's older than me. If and that wants to do something that I've done. I was wrong for lying at the beginning. I mean, I'm wondering, is this a, Is this red flag? What's happening? Did I start off wrong because I lied and it muddies mud. Mudded the way. I don't know.

[Andy Milonakis]

Savvy.

[Unknown]

I love you. I love you, Elvis. And thank you so much. I appreciate it.

[Andy Milonakis]

Bye.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, so this is like, okay, the lying. She clearly feels so guilty over something that I wouldn't feel that guilt. Like, like, it's a minor thing. Right. He put you in a, he asked you an uncomfortable question that you, you were probably caught off by. Caught off guard by.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then you saw that he was gonna, that it was gonna hurt his feelings, and you lied. Okay. And then you apologize for it and you explained why it happened. I wouldn't feel guilty about that. I personally think it is weird as fuck to ask somebody that you dated very specific, pointed questions about their sexual history. I think it's weird on him. And look, if it comes up, you guys have been together, you're more secure, but he's almost, like, screening you and, and seeing if, like, you're worthwhile or whatever. And it's like, did you do something wrong here? No. You were single. You had a. You're not the type. It's not like you're the type of person who just, like, every weekend went out and fucked two strangers.

[Andy Milonakis]

Is this the norm now? I feel like most, most people are just trash humans.

[Stavros Halkias]

I wouldn't call her a trash.

[Andy Milonakis]

No, no, not her. Oh, yeah, like, the people, like the people who just, like, are pressing their girls.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Andy Milonakis]

Many blah, blah. Senior worthy. Yeah, just like, like, not everybody. But I feel like these types of, like, situations where it's not always the guy that causes the drama, obviously.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. It goes both ways. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

I feel like more times than not. Not there's shitty stuff happening in relationships more than, like, good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, No, I think you're right. And I think, like, even her feeling like she's done something wrong here and not being like, hey, you've been really insecure and weird about a random thing I did when I was young and having a fun time, and, like, would I do it every weekend? No, it's like. But I don't want to feel judged because I experimented sexually when I was just having a good time.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's not the energy I need from my boyfriend. You clearly are insecure about it. It's stemming from something I don't understand. You're taking it out on me, and now you want to have a threesome in a way that feels almost punitive. Maybe like. Almost feels like, well, you fucked two guys before you knew me, so now I get to fuck you and a girl and then we're even.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. It'll never be even that, like, there's no even. There's no even, like, competition here.

[Andy Milonakis]

He'll still bring it up after that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. It's like, I. This guy, there's something strange going on. I definitely wouldn't have, if I were you. I wouldn't feel. Don't do anything you're. You don't want to do. Don't feel pressured. You did not. You did honest. You did nothing wrong. And this guy seems very insecure. Right. Like. And it's like, you know, at the same time, a. A little element of. Usually if you're like, you're dating a hot woman, you're just going to assume she's more people than you. And that's the way life is, man. And it's like, if you can't. That if this guy's like, well, I'm. I've waited all the girls my age more than me, but maybe if I get one young enough, I'll have more than her. And it's like, if he's got that weird. I. I am feeling some red flags from this guy in terms of insecurity, in terms of, you know, guilting him and maybe. Maybe the way you respond to him. Clearly you're feeling guilty for something. You didn't do anything wrong because you had a nice time.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, would he have fucked two girls if he could have. Have. Yes. He just didn't have that available to him. So he's basically, it's like, kind of jealous. You know what I mean?

[Andy Milonakis]

A hard no. And just say that was. That was in my past. I don't want to do that anymore. Like a hard no. And see his reaction. That could be your answer of like, oh, he.

[Stavros Halkias]

He would probably flip out. You could two guys, but you can't.

[Andy Milonakis]

Me and another girl. And that might be your answer to be like, okay, peace out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I mean, we don't have in all the information, but everything I'm catching here is like. Like, this guy kind of sucks.

[Unknown]

He sounds like a.

[Stavros Halkias]

He sounds like a. He sounds like he's like judging you. And it's like you don't want that from somebody you're dating. And you seem like a pretty like a wildly reasonable person. Like she's trying to talk things out. It's funny that you're the. You sounds like you're the mature one. And he's 32.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. Break up with them and then in two days, just right on social media, just had a threesome. It was the best night of my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Go find two of his friends that get. Get Eiffel towered by them. That'll show them. Damn, dude, that sucks. This guy. But you're right, there is like a weird, like all this men's rights, all this like, weird, like red pill of like, women have to be subservient and have value to a man.

[Andy Milonakis]

Just like those podcasts, like, where they bring on shaming every woman.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

You're not at 10. You're a three. You rank yourself. You rank yourself a 10. You're a two and you're a. And you have to cook for your husband, you dirty slut. That's a podcast.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. It's so weird.

[Unknown]

Some guy was zero. Swag. What?

[Stavros Halkias]

No swag. Just like mad. I don't know what the. Going on. Yeah, those are so. Those. That's a very odd. That's a very odd. Like, I mean, I guess on some level it is. It does. It is like kind of incelie rage or like there is like some women have gotten rich by. Instead of being exploited by others, they just are like, well, I'm going to exploit my own body and make millions of dollars. And I think like, got some of those guys, like, that's part of what's angering a lot of people. And then just like, like, you know how you can't. Some like hot, hot women used to need dumb. Like those podcast hosts used to be like pimps and like managers. And that kind of guy still weirdly exists where they're like trying to be like online pimps or whatever. But there's definitely like a, a type of rage pointed towards women that I don't, I don't fully understand what the going on. I mean, it could just be that a lot of guys are. They don't have like options and they feel like they're not getting. And they're like, instead of working on myself.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not me. I mean, manipulation women who are the problem.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. I mean, manipulation works like both ways, right? I mean, there are some like really pleasant male human beings who are just getting manipulated.

[Stavros Halkias]

For sure. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Toxic ass females.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. But that's also a tale as old as time.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. But I mean the influx of like the incel population and just like, like be horribly rude and weird and up to like females, that's like a big uprising in the population as well. And it's interesting too, because different cultures have different ways of like, like up relationships. Like, you know, like in Japan they might be like, look down, don't ever look at a man. You know, in Muslim countries your, your female has to be completely covered head to toe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

Like there, there's always ways to make relationships uneven and up. And different cultures have different ways of doing that, you know, And America is just like a hodgepodge of just being a horrible person.

[Stavros Halkias]

For sure. For sure.

[Andy Milonakis]

Some way like.

[Stavros Halkias]

And don't listen. Make funny videos online if you're a fat guy that wants to get. I think I speak for me and Andy. I think I speak for both of us where I'm like, be a pleasant guy and make a funny video. You'll get some man. Or work on whatever your skill is. And that's, that's the actual secret. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

You can't have the mind of a fat guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

In your mind you're like, Brad, pit level confidence.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly, exactly. And offer something fun for them, man.

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. And don't be a, don't be a fat guy that smells and has stains on their shirt. Shirts.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that is true. Hygiene's important. For sure.

[Andy Milonakis]

You seem like a fat guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

You ever see fat guys, like come in like a nice restaurant and they're just like so well dressed and just like everything's like perfect. But they're fat and they're like, that guy has aura.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's got an air about him. Absolutely. I love being that fat guy. I love, I love doing that. For certain. Sometimes you're like, oh, what's going on there? So, yeah, that's what's important. Boys Work on yourselves. Then you'll get pussy. We promise. We did it. Look at us. Next question. Yeah, we're gonna fuck that girl.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Stavros Halkias]

Hit us something to take us home, Eldest. What do you say?

[Unknown]

Yeah, here's something in the more sex positive direction.

[Stavros Halkias]

Perfect.

[Unknown]

Hi, Savi. I hope you're doing well. Quick question. So I've been in a relationship with a girl for about five years, but I am five, so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Unknown]

I also listened to Tom Segura and Christina P's podcast and about a year ago, Christina went through this obsession of going airtight. And now I have that same obsession, but it's gotten so much worse this past year. I like full on, just want to be like gang banged by a bunch of dudes. There's just an itch that isn't being scratched in this relationship currently. Also don't know if I ever could just because she is a girl and I'm just having so many fantasies about guys. So what would you do in this situation? I really love this relationship, but I'm just a little bored, I guess. And it seems silly to blow up a five year relationship for a fantasy, I guess. But let me know what you think. Trying to keep it short. I know the girls are long with.

[Stavros Halkias]

It, so pick me behavior. Throw the other girls under the bus.

[Andy Milonakis]

No, this is the chauvinistic incel Possible podcast. All you think you're tens, but you're twos. You dumb.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. This is the chauvinistic podcast and we're here to tell you that's God trying to get through to you. You've been living in sin and finally you're returning to what you naturally need. No, I mean, look, this is pretty fun. And again, I always. I'm like, I get it. As somebody who wants to multiple girl. Like two girls at once is awesome. It's a great. It's like. So I get from the flip side wanting to be aired if. If that's what if being airtight feels like eating while a girl or getting your Dick sucked or you know like while sucking four titties then that sounds awesome, right? And can you work your way up to this, can you do some kind of strap on situation with your girlfriend while you know there's a suction cup dildo to the wall that you're sucking on or something? Can you approach her with like would she want to have a threesome? Is she interested at all in getting a guy in the mix? Like can you. He said it's a five year relationship. How sex positive are you here? Like is she into any experimentation?

[Andy Milonakis]

Well, she maybe get surgically like. Like a dick put on her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Will your girlfriend go trans just so you can get this one sexual fantasy off? You know, I guess it's. That's the question is like how into experimenting do you think your girl might be? And can you do some stuff with. You know, lesbians love a bunch of. Can you create a machine? You know, I've seen those where it's like a dildo going back and forth. Lesbians love sexual accoutrement, you know, can you get some of those in the mix? Will that, will that scratch the itch? Do you feel comfortable telling your girl about this fantasy? Like how open with each other are you? This must be a. I wonder how. I wonder. The philosophy of people that date bi people is because this is some. Like I know I've known people who have dated a bi. Like I've known a woman who dated a bi guy and she was like, like I would let him a guy every once in a while if he asked me, cuz that's not something I can provide. But if he a girl, I would feel like that would be cheating. Right?

[Andy Milonakis]

Yeah. That makes some people are like, kind of makes sense.

[Stavros Halkias]

And look, if you believe that, great, then you hit the jackpot, right? If your girl's like that. But also another person says like no, that's cheating. And I get that too. It's just, it's in the eye of the beholder, I think. Like I've known friends in both circumstances, so. So you gotta have a conversation. You could try getting airtight with some sex toys just to kind of start feel it out. But you know, I wonder what it.

[Andy Milonakis]

Feels like to be bi. Like I feel like should we suck.

[Stavros Halkias]

Each other off and figure it out?

[Andy Milonakis]

I feel like the thought of sucking a dick, like I wouldn't do it for a billion dollars. Yeah, well, but I feel like getting my dick sucked by a guy, I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Feel like knock that down to 2500.

[Andy Milonakis]

In my mind. I'LL be like, there's a mouth sucking my dick right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

How do I knock it hard?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's no problem. And this is, by the way, this is when the podcast gets very Greek. We're both like, yeah, we could get our dick sucked by guys. Who cares?

[Andy Milonakis]

Like, I thought about this before. Like, if I was in Thailand. Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hypothetically speaking, like, I've never been to Thailand. Right, right, right.

[Andy Milonakis]

If I went to Thailand, check his.

[Stavros Halkias]

Passport, check the stamps.

[Andy Milonakis]

If I didn't know it was lady boy and I was getting my dick sucked, and then, like, oh. And then all of a sudden, she was like, I'm actually a lady boy. And I'd be like, I don't think I would just get up and leave.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? No chance. Are you kidding me? Yeah.

[Unknown]

We have to complete this transaction.

[Stavros Halkias]

My dick doesn't get any less sucked by you if I don't come. It's already been sucked. Let's finish this off.

[Andy Milonakis]

But, like, if ever. If her. If her. Him dick was out, then it changed the story. Then I'm like, sure, sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I guess, you know, I can't. I couldn't tell you unless I got that face to face with that. That. That prick. I couldn't tell you. I would be less enthused, certainly, but I don't know, you know, it'd be like, when you get a chick fil a sandwich, it has pickles, and I'm not a pickles guy. I don't like that I have to take the pickles off and that I'm tasting a little pickle juice. It makes the sandwich a little less good. I'm still gonna finish it.

[Andy Milonakis]

Or if the chicken's too thick and it has, like, hard parts. Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's. That's how I would see it. It's like, not my favorite.

[Andy Milonakis]

I don't. I'm never gonna experience this, but my thought is to try to be truthful. If a mouth was on my dick, that sounds good. But if it happened to be a guy, I don't know, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

I agree. Andy. I'm with you 100%, dude. So, yeah. How flexible is your girlfriend? Could she get. Can she get in the mix a little bit? It.

[Andy Milonakis]

Can she bend it back?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Would she like to, you know, you with the strap on while a guy your mouth? Who knows? There's a lot of interesting stuff to deal with here, but, you know, hopefully she's as flexible as me and Andy, and, you know, we're rooting for you. It's nice to have these sexual fantasies. And I think you could scratch the ish one way or another. But hopefully in 2025, you'll be able to get airtight with the consent of your partner.

[Unknown]

Resolution.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's your resolution. That's our resolution for you. What a beautiful year it's been. What a beautiful year it's going to be. Andy, thank you.

[Andy Milonakis]

Merry Christmas.

[Stavros Halkias]

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year to all. And yeah, thank you, man. This is such. It was. It's a pleasure to have you on the pod. We've been big fans forever, so thanks, brother. Yeah.

[Andy Milonakis]

It's good to finally meet you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. Thanks, guys. We will see you next year. Bye. Bye.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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