#110 - Matteo Lane and Nick Smith

Summary

Summary of Stavvy's World Episode #110 - Matteo Lane and Nick Smith

Podcast Title: Stavvy's World
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guests: Matteo Lane and Nick Smith
Release Date: January 6, 2025

Stavros Halkias welcomes comedians Matteo Lane and Nick Smith to episode #110 of Stavvy's World, creating an engaging and humorous atmosphere where the trio delves into their personal experiences, friendships, and various amusing anecdotes.

---

Introduction of Guests

The episode begins with Stavros introducing his guests, Matteo Lane and Nick Smith, highlighting their camaraderie and comedic chemistry.

Stavros Halkias [01:50]: "We're happy to have returning. Of course, not a busboy in a Greek restaurant. Even though he does look like it right now. Matteo Lane."

Matteo and Nick reciprocate the warm welcome, setting a friendly tone for the conversation.

---

Origins of Friendship

Stavros shares how the trio met, with humorous insights into their initial interactions and the evolution of their friendship.

Nick Smith [02:43]: "Never has called me almost. You act like I'm your stalker."

Matteo Lane [02:53]: "You guys are awesome. You guys are so sick."

The friendship started with shared interests, including watching YouTube videos together, which played a significant role in bonding them.

---

Gaming Conversations

A substantial portion of the episode is dedicated to their mutual love for video games, particularly Super Smash Brothers. They discuss favorite characters, strategies, and playful jabs at each other's gaming skills.

Stavros Halkias [04:37]: "When we play Super Smash Brothers, I always play as Jigglypuff."

Nick Smith [05:07]: "Jigglypuff is just a useless pink puff."

Their debate over the effectiveness of different characters, such as Jigglypuff versus Kirby or Corrin, showcases their deep engagement with gaming culture.

Stavros Halkias [07:06]: "Her better move is called Dream Eater. And what happens is when you get really close to someone and press down B, she falls asleep and it knocks him off."

---

Personal Anecdotes: Vaping and Hair Transplants

The conversation shifts to personal habits and lifestyle choices. Stavros discusses his attempt to quit vaping, revealing a candid and relatable side.

Stavros Halkias [07:56]: "I decided this weekend I'm gonna vape, and then I'll be done."

Matteo and Nick join in with their own experiences, creating a humorous dialogue about the challenges of quitting.

Hair transplants become another topic as Stavros shares his journey to address his hairline issues, blending humor with personal vulnerability.

Stavros Halkias [09:05]: "I have no idea. Anyway, but he told me because I was like, I want a buzz cut. Thinking they're just going to buzz it. And he was very much like, no, it has to be real artistic style."

---

Stand-Up Comedy and Open Mic Stories

Matteo reminisces about his stand-up comedy beginnings, sharing stories from open mic nights and interactions with other comedians. They discuss how their comedic styles have evolved over time.

Matteo Lane [10:20]: "We did open mics in D.C. together. I knew her when she was. Still thought she was straight."

Stavros Halkias [11:07]: "You have to work that out. That was in the."

Their tales include humorous yet insightful reflections on performing, audience reactions, and the camaraderie among comedians.

---

Conflict with Lizzo

A notable segment of the episode involves a humorous yet pointed conflict with pop star Lizzo. Stavros and Nick recount an altercation sparked by a conversation that escalated on social media.

Nick Smith [21:00]: "She posts a three minute TikTok response calling me the failure of the American education system."

Stavros Halkias [22:19]: "The comments were great because they were one. Going after Lizzo and Nick at the same time."

The trio navigates the fallout of the feud, discussing the backlash and Lizzo's subsequent decisions to quit Instagram, all while maintaining their signature humor.

Stavros Halkias [22:44]: "She's like, that's it. I'm quitting Instagram. And then people were thanking, you did it."

---

Listener Calls and Advice

The episode features interactive segments where listeners call in with personal dilemmas, seeking advice from Stavros, Matteo, and Nick. Two notable calls include:

1. Navigating Threesomes

A caller seeks guidance on introducing a threesome into a committed relationship, highlighting concerns about dynamics and emotional repercussions.

Nick Smith [61:09]: "I've been together for a year. We're interested in the possibility of a threesome with another person."

Matteo and Stavros offer practical advice on communication, setting boundaries, and ensuring all parties feel comfortable.

Matteo Lane [69:38]: "You're young, you're on the same page with your partner, which is important. And just be prepared for a range of outcomes."

2. Handling a Flat Earth Believer in the Marriage

Another caller grapples with a spouse's belief in flat Earth theories and its impact on their relationship and parenting.

Nick Smith [81:05]: "She's gotten dumb where she is into flat earth."

The hosts discuss strategies for addressing such fundamental disagreements, emphasizing the importance of unified parenting and open communication.

Mateo Lane [85:37]: "They have to have the same opinion. We raise the same. Because otherwise, the kid knows how to start manipulating. Go to mom."

---

Humorous Segments and Banter

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in witty banter, covering a wide range of topics from ancient Greek and Roman histories to modern conspiracy theories. Their playful interactions keep the atmosphere light and entertaining.

Mateo Lane [33:00]: "She just being a good mom is more important than her believing dumb."

Stavros Halkias [34:37]: "A wee little faggot."

They also delve into pop culture references, such as Batman movies, and share their thoughts on iconic films like Twins and Junior, blending nostalgia with contemporary humor.

---

Closing Remarks and Final Ads

As the episode wraps up, Stavros, Matteo, and Nick continue their humorous exchanges before concluding with advertisements for Chumba Casino, maintaining the structured flow despite final promotional segments.

Stavros Halkias [100:27]: "Chumba Casino is free to play. Experience social gameplay like never before. Go to Chumba Casino right now to."

They leave listeners with a mix of laughter, relatable stories, and thoughtful advice, encapsulating the essence of Stavvy's World as a hub for camaraderie and problem-solving through humor.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Nick Smith [03:42]: "You do that with your straight friends, right?"
• Stavros Halkias [07:56]: "I decided this weekend I'm gonna vape, and then I'll be done."
• Matteo Lane [10:20]: "We did open mics in D.C. together."
• Nick Smith [21:00]: "Should I tell my therapist about this?"
• Mateo Lane [69:38]: "You're young, you're on the same page with your partner."
• Nick Smith [81:05]: "She's gotten dumb where she is into flat earth."

This episode of Stavvy's World offers a blend of humor, personal stories, and interactive advice, making it a compelling listen for both regular followers and newcomers seeking an entertaining and insightful experience.

Transcript

[Stavros Halkias]

It is Ryan here and I have a question for you. What do you do when you win? Like, are you a fist pumper? A woo hooer? A hand clapper, A high fiver? If you want to hone in on those winning moves, check out Chumba Casino. Choose from hundreds of social casino style games for your chance to redeem serious cash prizes. There are new game releases weekly, plus free daily bonuses. So don't wait. Start having the most Fun [e-mail] Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary.

[Nick Smith]

VGW Group void where prohibited by law.

[Stavros Halkias]

18/ Terms and Conditions apply.

[Mateo Lane]

Oppa. Happy New Year, everyone. I'm coming to you from the Wellness Dojo here in Baltimore. You know, I'm working out. I got my treadmill over there. We have an incredible episode here coming up with Mateo, friend of the show, and Nick, new friend of the show. They were incredible. What a duo. So funny. I just wanted to remind you, tickets for the Dreamboat tour are on sale now. We're coming to a whole ton of cities. Check it out. We're posting it right now. I can't wait to see you there. All new stuff. Nothing from the specials. And also calendars. Baby, it's January. Buy yourself a stavy baby calendar. Why not? Wanted to let you know about those things. Very important. My standup comedy and my nude body. Two things I want you to check out. And without further ado, let's start the show. Welcome everyone to Stavis World, 904-800. Stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We're happy to have returning. Of course, not a busboy in a Greek restaurant. Even though he does look like it right now. Mateo Lane.

[Nick Smith]

Like the cast of My Big Fat Greek.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, that is true. We do have everyone represented here at Nick Smith. Thank you for first time.

[Nick Smith]

Nick is Greek, right?

[Mateo Lane]

Nick is Greek. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nikos. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Nicolas. Thanks for coming, fellas. You know, you've obviously been here a bunch, Nick. First time. But we're, we're thrilled to have you. I've seen your guys clips. You do the pot where you plug your pod right up top.

[Stavros Halkias]

Our podcast is called I never liked you and it's a 15 minute podcast and we, I was just telling Elvis we do. So we don't have a studio but Nick's a real estate agent.

[Nick Smith]

You don't have much of anything, so it's pretty choppy.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's pretty. It's a dog and pony show, but we, we find these like $12 million houses that have Already been staged. Staged and then just set up in there. Film like 12 episodes in a day and call it. You know, we're like, all right, see you next time. Bye.

[Mateo Lane]

That is awesome.

[Nick Smith]

For three months.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a lie. Nick calls me seven times a day. That's why we did the podcast, because he calls me so much and the comments.

[Nick Smith]

Never has called me almost. You act like I'm your stalker.

[Stavros Halkias]

Kind of.

[Mateo Lane]

How did you guys meet?

[Stavros Halkias]

We met because him and Bob the drag queen were blowing each other. And then after they realized that there was no sexual chemistry. Cuz Nick dresses like.

[Mateo Lane]

You guys are awesome. You guys are so sick. Yeah, so we were sucking each other off for three months, and then we're like, wait, are you having a good time? Not really. Are you? No, let's just be boys.

[Stavros Halkias]

And didn't you guys start watching YouTube videos together?

[Nick Smith]

What actually happened?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what happened. It was very strange. This is the gay McDonald's. What's that character called? You are Grimace. Gay hair Grimace, I should say.

[Nick Smith]

Okay. It was a very straight sort of.

[Mateo Lane]

I think Grimace is straight coded.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

You think he's, you know a lot of gay Grimaces.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, his name is Grimace. He works for McDonald's.

[Mateo Lane]

That's true.

[Nick Smith]

Now, Bob and I met on Grindr, as you do, and we hooked up. But that night, after hooking up, we started watching five hours of YouTube videos, specifically Golden Buzzer moments on Britain's Got Talent.

[Mateo Lane]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is art.

[Mateo Lane]

That's beautiful.

[Nick Smith]

You do that with your straight friends, right?

[Mateo Lane]

Sure. We. We were watching how we're actually just yesterday. We're Beetlejuice from Howard Stern videos here. So. Yeah, similar.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. My favorite whack packer is Eric, the actor.

[Mateo Lane]

Eric's good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Beetlejuice. It's all his answers. You never know, which. I'm sorry. Yeah, go ahead.

[Nick Smith]

Well, anyways, so we started watching that and then we were like, I think we're friends. And we were friends for a little bit until he realized that I was a gay orphan with no other gay friends.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, really?

[Nick Smith]

You need gay friends here? And then he introduced me to this idiot. Hated each other from the jump.

[Stavros Halkias]

From the jump.

[Mateo Lane]

Interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fighting while playing Super. Our crew is like Bob the Drag Queen, Monet. Exchange. Me, our friend Jacob, Nick. And we. We either only watch YouTube videos all day or we just play video games together.

[Mateo Lane]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so when we play Super Smash Brothers, I always play as Jigglypuff.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because you can kind of float around and then come in for the kill. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Wait, wait, Wait, wait. Jigglypuff or. Oh, Jiggly. Yeah, yeah. Kirby has the smash attack.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Smith]

But Jigglypuff is just a useless pink puff.

[Mateo Lane]

I kind of agree. What's Jigglypuff's big move?

[Stavros Halkias]

So put him to sleep. It's called the rollout. No, it's called the roll out. So you could float while everyone's fighting. And then you do this roll charge up and you come and you knock people off.

[Mateo Lane]

Right, right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's great.

[Nick Smith]

No, you float in the air until everyone else has died and there's one person left with one life hanging on. And then you come down.

[Mateo Lane]

Is that your cheap maneuver, Mateo?

[Stavros Halkias]

You can sing Legal.

[Mateo Lane]

Wow. You play with no honor. You play with no honor. No, you stay out of the fray.

[Stavros Halkias]

That game's about fucking up with your.

[Nick Smith]

He's not getting the Purple Heart.

[Mateo Lane]

No. Yeah, yeah. Who do you play with, Nick?

[Nick Smith]

You know, I mix it up. I do like Kirby sometimes. Or Corrin because she's kind of cool.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, yeah, she does look cool.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

She's from, like, the Ray and the Roy and Marth universe, probably, if I had to guess the.

[Nick Smith]

What?

[Mateo Lane]

Those other guys with swords. Roy and Marth.

[Nick Smith]

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

We never really. You don't know the lore characters, like.

[Nick Smith]

Even say, I'm not playing as a guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

When we play in Fortnite, he plays. We call her the secretary. So she's in a pencil skirt with glass.

[Mateo Lane]

I've seen that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Heels.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. That is. That's insane. Because that's for sure. Little boys are two. It's to get little boys horny. That's why the sex empower gay adult men.

[Nick Smith]

Nothing gets me going more than when I hear, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, the heels.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he sucks. We play with our friends Donnie and Simmer and Corey, who are very straight. They play hockey. They're from Pittsburgh, and they're very good at the game. I'm very good at the game, Nick.

[Mateo Lane]

Hockey in Pittsburgh, by the way, is what Mateo considers being straight.

[Nick Smith]

It's all of us straight guys, and then this faggot.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

We've been playing for four years, and Nick has learned nothing. Nothing. So we're all in the battle, just looking beautiful.

[Nick Smith]

I just started building, okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he. But he is a good sniper. So it's weird that in the middle of a battle, all of a sudden you'll see someone die. Nick's, like, got him.

[Mateo Lane]

Nice. Awesome. I like that.

[Nick Smith]

There's nothing wrong with someone like that on the Team.

[Mateo Lane]

I do like a sniper. A sniper has more honor than Jigglypuff.

[Nick Smith]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Got it.

[Nick Smith]

You never see most things have more.

[Mateo Lane]

Honor than you can put them to sleep as Jigglypuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. But what Jigglypuff. Her better move is called Dream Eater. And what happens is when you get really close to someone and press down B, she falls asleep and it knocks him off. But it's very hard to get. It was better in melee. I like melee. On gamecube.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm a gamecube guy as well.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just bought a gamecube and I've been replaying it.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Me and Chris Condon. Great comic. Shout out. We've been playing X Men Legends.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, that was a good one.

[Nick Smith]

What's that? Dragon. I played that on gamecube. It was. He was a purple dragon.

[Mateo Lane]

Spyro was Spyro.

[Nick Smith]

No, it was on GameCube.

[Mateo Lane]

I remember if they ported it over, I. I feel like, you know, you're talking.

[Nick Smith]

I feel like I only have. My brother was really big into gaming, and I really wasn't. I only had a gamecube to play Mario Kart and Spyro.

[Mateo Lane]

Interesting. I'll take your word for it. I feel like you're, you know, you have a few cherished gaming memories, and I won't take those from you.

[Nick Smith]

Are you kidding me right now?

[Stavros Halkias]

I decided this weekend I'm gonna vape, and then I'll be done. I go in and.

[Mateo Lane]

Have you ever vaped before?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Rosebud every day for the last year.

[Nick Smith]

What are you talking about?

[Stavros Halkias]

Bob's vaping now, too.

[Nick Smith]

Okay. Why don't you throw everybody on?

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe not. I won't. That's fine.

[Mateo Lane]

I like, by the way, Matteo, this. You could tell when you really believe in hair plugs when you go with that haircut. This is the. This is the, like, all right, they took. I'm gonna really flaunt them.

[Nick Smith]

I tell a person who paid for hair transplant.

[Mateo Lane]

I respect it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I respect it because it's not about the hair. It's about the hair line. Those who have lost their hair know it's about the hair line. And I wanted a buzz because I don't want to think about it. My relationship with my hair has been difficult and triggering. I just want to get out of fucking bed. And that's it. And so I go to this guy, this Dominican guy. His name is. Well, his name is Jaime, but he goes by Nelson. I have no idea. Anyway, but he told me because I was like, I want a buzz cut. Thinking they're just going to buzz it. And he was very much like, no, it has to be real artistic style. You have to really call it. You have to know.

[Mateo Lane]

So he could charge you $80 instead of just 20 bucks.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I do it. I leave with full confidence. I'm like, this guy knows I'd like.

[Mateo Lane]

To see a straight. Just. Just to see what it looks like.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, this is. It's already a week out, so, I mean, it grows pretty. I'm a minoxidil, so my hair grows really quickly, so I'm going, like, every other week to get my hair interest. But I like it. I think it's a good look.

[Nick Smith]

Shape works for it.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, it's a good look. I like it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, that's a. That's. I. I really think it's a power move to. To get plugs and then go buzz it. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, you've known me at all. My hair, I have from the wearing the hat. I only wore hats. And then I had, like, the coif look to kind of COVID it. And then I. We don't even know lesbian chic last year. And then I got the other hair transplant.

[Nick Smith]

The other spectrum of lesbian.

[Stavros Halkias]

Lesbian chic. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. Me and Paris Sachet rocking the same hair.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Paris makes me laugh harder than I think anybody.

[Mateo Lane]

She's awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Has she been on this podcast before? Dude, she's so. I. I love her. She's also a great hang.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, no, I mean, I. Me. Paris goes all the way. We did open mics in D.C. together. I knew her when she was. Still thought she was straight. Right? Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

A wild time when her name was Barcelona.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, she was. It was awesome. I remember her being drunk as at a hookah bar open mic and me thinking she was just a fun audience member. And it was like one of their first times she had done. They called her up and she was just like, like, so up.

[Stavros Halkias]

But didn't we all have to drink when we first went up?

[Mateo Lane]

I'm an artist. I'm an artist, Mateo. I got up there, talked about not being so fat I couldn't wipe my ass sober as a. As an open micr. Yeah. I mean, my. My material is so atrocious. My materials.

[Stavros Halkias]

He certainly didn't hear that pumping in the applause.

[Mateo Lane]

Eldest actually was there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I saw that joke probably hundreds of times. The artist had to work out.

[Mateo Lane]

You have to work that out. That was. That was in the. I would say it was never a showstopper, but it was in the middle of you know, kind of filler, but kind of on the stronger end of filler. I. If you.

[Stavros Halkias]

An identity to the other wannabe comics.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, it just. I just needed it structurally for my act at the time. I needed to get to. I believe another one was the. There was a punchline that was the paddling up the river of semen in tears was one of them. Because I'm jerking off and crying. You know, I'm not getting.

[Stavros Halkias]

So we're used to that big clothes.

[Mateo Lane]

That was for years. And I not relax with the years. It was the first year that open mic years.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're doing it a lot. And I thought I was, like, going crazy because I would see this thing, like, kill and, like, so many open mics in, like, College Park, Maryland, and I'm like, what is going on? I mean, it was funny, but, like, that really did bring the house down and down. I was closing on Christina Aguilera doing the Alphabet joke for a solid year in New York.

[Nick Smith]

So you haven't changed.

[Stavros Halkias]

I haven't changed, to be honest. Nick just started doing open mics. Ah.

[Mateo Lane]

Wow. Why?

[Stavros Halkias]

I said, if you want to do.

[Mateo Lane]

Don'T do it, Nick.

[Stavros Halkias]

I said. I did. I said, if you want to do stand up. I said, you got to do. Don't do these bringer shows. You don't get go. You got to go to the mic.

[Mateo Lane]

I agree.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got it. But the scene has changed dramatically than.

[Nick Smith]

When we started in tears. Not as much of a hit, really. Not as much.

[Mateo Lane]

We'll see about that. You. I'd love to be able to take me. Yeah. I'm going to do the, like, the Undercover boss thing, but change my face to be an open micr again and just do my pathetic.

[Stavros Halkias]

No one will recognize you. Dress up like the penguin. How are you gonna dress? Like a monocle and a top.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, what are you gonna do?

[Mateo Lane]

I'll tell you what. I. Okay. That's a good idea to stay out of problematic territory that really leaves us with. I'd have to go Nordic, probably.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Mateo Lane]

You know what I mean? I'd have to go, like, super bleach blonde, you know, you think it's a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Greek that you could ever pass for Nordic?

[Mateo Lane]

That's what I'm saying. It would take a little makeup. A little, you know, it would take quite a bit of makeup.

[Nick Smith]

I believe in you.

[Mateo Lane]

Thank you, Nick. I appreciate it.

[Nick Smith]

What would your name be?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, no, we gotta get him off the scent. Maybe that happens.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe it would be hard for me to also be Nordic, I think.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Yeah, I guess it is much easier to go from thin to fat. It's kind of hard to just. I guess I could be even fatter. I guess I could be.

[Nick Smith]

You could throw a corset on.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, corset. Some body, some shapewear.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I could be in the Jiminy Glick outfit.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you doing? Jiminy Click's awesome. If I might cut you striking gay gentleman off for a second, I wanted to let you know about something called sports gambling. That's right. Maybe we have more gay men than usual watching the episode due to Mateo and Nick. Have you guys? How big is sports gambling in the homosexual community? Because it should be bigger. And there's no better time to start or better place to start than right now during the playoffs with DraftKings. That's right. Playoffs. We're talking about playoffs. You bet we are, folks. Get it on the action. Whether you're gay, straight, pan, whatever you want to smash, you can put down some hard earned money and make some wagers in the playoffs. DraftKings don't discriminate when it comes to $A. Whatever the color of your pride flag is, whatever the stripe is, as long as that green's coming in from the account, they don't give a fuck, baby. Scoring touchdowns is the key to winning in the playoffs. And you can score big by betting on them at DraftKings, the number one place to bet touchdowns. Ready to place your first bet? Try betting on something simple like a player to score 6. Go to the DraftKings sportsbook app and make your pick. New DraftKings customers can bet $5 to get $200 in bonus bets instantly. Who knows, Maybe by the time the Tonys come around, you can bet on musicals and whoever is win them or whatever the fuck. But that's not what we're talking about now. We're talking about playoff football. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code STAVI. That's code STAVI for new customers to get $200 in bonus bets instantly. When you bet just five bucks only on DraftKings Sportsbook, the crown is yours. Gambling problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 877-8-HOPENY or text hopeny467-369 In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas. 21 plus. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void. In Ontario, bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance for additional terms and responsible gaming resources. See DKNG co audio.

[Stavros Halkias]

I went to the Knicks game last night with Sam Morrell.

[Mateo Lane]

How was it?

[Stavros Halkias]

It was awesome. Well, I mean, it was awesome. First of all, I was in love with it because I was sitting courtside with Sam Morel looking at Hathaway and Michael J. Fox, and then Sam was like, dude, we can watch games anytime. You can come up says this is a court side thing. I like the food, the steak, the celebrities, but it was a really good game. And I think heart. What's his name? Heart on the Knicks.

[Mateo Lane]

Yep.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is hot.

[Nick Smith]

Did you know Happening?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I know. What the hell's. I know basketball. I do. Basketball's pretty easy to follow. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Ball in the hoop. You know what I mean?

[Nick Smith]

Okay, but like, do you know what's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Going on with basketball?

[Nick Smith]

I used to play as a child.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, really?

[Nick Smith]

Boy.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

I'm six foot three. Of course I did.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, you played volleyball. What did you play?

[Nick Smith]

I did play volleyball and soccer.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Nick Smith]

Baseball. Were you tracked?

[Mateo Lane]

Wow, a multi sport athlete. Where'd you grow up?

[Nick Smith]

Right outside Scranton, Pennsylvania.

[Mateo Lane]

Working class.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the name of the town?

[Nick Smith]

The name of the town is New Melford.

[Stavros Halkias]

And how many people live there?

[Nick Smith]

750.

[Stavros Halkias]

And who's the mayor?

[Nick Smith]

My father.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, I didn't know we were talking to New Milford royalty.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, I am the second.

[Nick Smith]

I'm the spare.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, yeah, you were the second.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was like waiting for Guffman. You've seen waiting for Guffman?

[Mateo Lane]

It's been a long time.

[Stavros Halkias]

The. The town is like a small town and like Blaine, this guy named Blaine discovered the town. So they interviewed this woman. She's like. Being a Blaine hasn't been easy. I can certainly relate to how the Kennedy field.

[Mateo Lane]

What's the. What are the mayoral duties of. Of New Milford?

[Stavros Halkias]

Making sure that meth isn't on the street.

[Nick Smith]

Honestly, not even that. He doesn't have to really do anything.

[Mateo Lane]

He's still the mayor.

[Nick Smith]

He's still that. It's funny, I called my mom the other day because there was so.

[Mateo Lane]

How many? I'm just. Just. Was you. When you were a boy, was he the mayor of New Milford?

[Nick Smith]

No. So he's been mayor Right when I graduated high school. So it's been maybe almost 15 years.

[Mateo Lane]

Wow. Wow.

[Nick Smith]

And I forget that he's mayor all the time. And I called my mom the other day because there was. There was a pretty major election recently in case.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Smith]

And I.

[Mateo Lane]

Did it. Did it affect the. The local New Milford race.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Did it go that far down?

[Nick Smith]

Ballot was really tight, but I called my mom.

[Mateo Lane]

Who did he endorse?

[Nick Smith]

A lot of signs.

[Stavros Halkias]

A lot of people.

[Nick Smith]

They were actually. They were waiting for his endorsement.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

Maybe that's why we lost Pennsylvania.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

If Only all 750 new Milford residents.

[Nick Smith]

Had voted in hindsight. But I called my mom and I was like, oh, is dad on the ballot? And she goes, oh, I don't think so actually. And I said, well, when is he up for election? She goes, to be quite honest, I don't know. I actually forgot he was the mayor. I was like, you're the first lady of New Malcolm.

[Mateo Lane]

Show some fucking. Yeah, show some respect for the office.

[Stavros Halkias]

We did one time, me, Bob and Nick were like. We look up like. Like aerial views of where we grew up. So Bob grew up in Atlanta, I grew up in Chicago. So of course there's like these.

[Nick Smith]

Drones.

[Stavros Halkias]

Drones. Footage of the cities. So then we looked up and they have one of Nick's and they didn't like put music with it. So you just hear the drone like going up a tree that. It's just like a shitty church with like a shitty mainstream.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did you guys have like stoplights, lights in the town?

[Nick Smith]

We don't have it. It's one mile long.

[Mateo Lane]

The whole town, One mile.

[Nick Smith]

There's not a single stoplight. There's one intersection that there could be. They can't afford it. There are a couple bridges. One is out. They can't afford to fix it.

[Mateo Lane]

So it's all. It's just a stop sign at the intersection or is it?

[Nick Smith]

There are stop signs.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, that's cool. Well, that. You can build off that.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

You can go from stop sign to street light.

[Nick Smith]

A lot of bars, a lot of garages for cars and a lot of churches.

[Mateo Lane]

Interesting.

[Nick Smith]

It's one mile long and there are six churches.

[Mateo Lane]

Wow.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Was the school there or did you have to go to a neighboring town to go?

[Nick Smith]

The school's like up on the hill. It was maybe like a six minute drive.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is why his education didn't happen and why we got into a fight with Lizzo publicly.

[Mateo Lane]

When Nick, you beefed with Lizzo?

[Stavros Halkias]

We did.

[Nick Smith]

We're not even one of her backup dancers. Actually, I brought her out of her silence.

[Mateo Lane]

That is huge power.

[Stavros Halkias]

He did.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, Interesting. So what happened is we were doing. She's still making people eat bananas out of each other's asses.

[Nick Smith]

He made me eat a banana.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's sort of a. No. We were talking About. We were talking about Disney movies. Anyway, so I was there too. Yes.

[Nick Smith]

I didn't know when world war ii.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I said, okay, I'll give you a clue. We entered the war when the wizard of Oz came out. I said, do you know when we. When. When World War II is. He goes, the 1800s. I go, you think in the 1800s we had cameras and planes? I said, well, right. And I said, 1939. He goes, you mean to tell me that the world went to war and our response was the wizard of Oz? Which is a funny response. So Lizzo hadn't talked publicly for months since her incident. All of a sudden, on her tick tock, everyone's messaging us. Our video comes up. And then she comments, doing her makeup. Like, I hope these two are joking because this is sad about the American education system.

[Mateo Lane]

Wait, really?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Mateo Lane]

Completely unprovoked.

[Nick Smith]

She posts a three minute TikTok response calling me the failure of the American education system.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which is.

[Mateo Lane]

Why would Lizzo weigh in on that?

[Stavros Halkias]

She's not.

[Nick Smith]

Why would she weigh in?

[Mateo Lane]

You are right.

[Nick Smith]

She's not wrong. Yeah, she's not wrong. I am a failure of the American education system. But that's what broke your silence.

[Mateo Lane]

And then some PR person was like, look, white gay guys, you're safe. They're white. So fucking weird. So people are going to be against them. They're gay, so homophobes are going to be against them. That's the sweet spot. I maybe would have targeted mask white lesbians if I were you, to be a little safer. But go ahead. This video, this video really speaks. You go off Lizzo.

[Stavros Halkias]

The comments were great because they were one. Going after Lizzo and Nick at the same time. They're like, nick may be a Lizzo. Don't you have allegations for sexual misconduct?

[Nick Smith]

In Nick's defense, he knows nothing.

[Stavros Halkias]

But then a week later, she put a giant post on her Instagram. She's like, that's it. I'm quitting Instagram. And then people were thanking, you did it.

[Nick Smith]

You did it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's.

[Mateo Lane]

That is actually so powerful. The fact that out of nowhere, first of all, that she would see the video is interesting. I know, it's like how the you'd like, like, we're friends and I don't remember that video. Like, your stuff pops up on my timeline. But it's like, right?

[Nick Smith]

She went onto her tick tock.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

And somehow that was on her for you page.

[Mateo Lane]

And it pissed off so much. She didn't just like, send it to a friend and say, look at this dummy.

[Nick Smith]

She made a three minute response.

[Mateo Lane]

That was her first post for you for months. That's awesome. You have no history with Lizzo whatsoever.

[Stavros Halkias]

We do not know her.

[Nick Smith]

I like her music.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I don't like her music anymore.

[Nick Smith]

One time she made me eat a banana. But other than that.

[Mateo Lane]

Let me ask you this, Nick. Have you ever drawn the iron of the ire of plus size black women before? Is it something about you? Because I have friends that certain people just for whatever reason certain people don't like them. Has that ever been an issue?

[Nick Smith]

Most people don't like you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was gonna say stop us. I'm gonna stop you there. You can't too philosophical about this. No one likes demographic.

[Nick Smith]

They don't like me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Almost every single week there's more mob mentality coming after us. How much they hate Nick. He's an idiot. He knows nothing. He's. We've pissed off everybody. And I thought, okay, I'll do a short little 15 minute podcast, my friend. It'll be fun. We've got good chemistry. And then in a few weeks we're in a fight with everybody.

[Mateo Lane]

That's awesome. How about we backtrack and kind of see how this was created Because I'm fascinating. A couple. A couple data points here. First being growing up in Scranton or outside of Scranton, whatever, in a small ass town. That's very interesting. And then where we started, where you said you were a gay orphan, you had no gay friends. Yeah, let's. Let's kind of like how do we get there? Did were there. Who was the gayest person you knew growing up other than yourself?

[Nick Smith]

Surprisingly, all these years later, I went to school with the the same 90 kids from preschool to 12th grade.

[Mateo Lane]

Wow, that's tough. That sucks. No matter who you are.

[Nick Smith]

That's tough. I was class.

[Mateo Lane]

Because you can't re you. You're kind of stuck into the. The dynamics of preschool.

[Nick Smith]

Everyone knows everyone.

[Mateo Lane]

Whatever you did, if you your pants as a little kid, that would follow you until you were 18 and did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Smith]

But we all hated each other by the end of it. I was class president and I gave a speech at graduation.

[Mateo Lane]

Politics runs in the family.

[Stavros Halkias]

Politics runs.

[Nick Smith]

We are, we are. We're the Kennedys.

[Mateo Lane]

You're the Kennedys of new mil.

[Nick Smith]

Just haven't been killed yet. Yeah, but this is not an exaggeration. Verbatim. At my class speech at graduation, I literally go, well, we made it. We don't like each other. Probably won't keep in touch after this. But We. We did it. And the local newspaper literally printed a headline, class divided.

[Mateo Lane]

Graduates united.

[Nick Smith]

And it's true. We still don't talk. We've never had a class reunion, partly because I'm responsible for putting that together.

[Mateo Lane]

And I'm certainly not doing that. Yeah. Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

But in hindsight, what I was gonna say, 90 people, there are 10 gays.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah. Popping out left and right. Pennsylvania.

[Stavros Halkias]

I feel like my graduating class, 700 and it was like me and one other person. Like, there were like, no gays.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah. A lot from my class.

[Mateo Lane]

And was there. Did anybody. Was everybody closeted the whole time?

[Nick Smith]

Everyone was closeted. Except there were maybe like a couple that were out back then, not treated well, as you could probably imagine.

[Stavros Halkias]

But Nick had a girlfriend.

[Mateo Lane]

Girlfriend. Girlfriend.

[Nick Smith]

In high school, she was the only one that cried when I came out. But we met doing musicals and I was practicing the softball pitch in my backyard. So who's the idiot there?

[Mateo Lane]

I mean, that's.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's on her.

[Mateo Lane]

That is. I, I. Absolutely. That's a tale as old as time, though, is the, like, like the earnest straight girl who, like, who doesn't understand that, what, she's attracted to the theater girl. Yeah, the theater girl who doesn't understand that that pizzazz that she's attracted to is not a straight girl.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, they were both auditioning for Elphaba, and she's like, this is my man.

[Nick Smith]

We did a drag number of Grease and I played Olivia Newton John.

[Stavros Halkias]

But now there's nowhere to hide.

[Mateo Lane]

Awesome.

[Nick Smith]

Devastating.

[Mateo Lane]

Just seeing you, Just seeing you with a cherry red lip being like, oh, when I get my hands on him, I'm going to have straight intercourse with that man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Nick's life.

[Mateo Lane]

You never had. You. You never had a girlfriend.

[Nick Smith]

You did have a girlfriend.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, we talked about this. Yes. At the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, Francesca.

[Mateo Lane]

Yes. But that was, you know, your, your Michaels. Your Michaels. Another. Another sign. If it's a. If it's a. If it's a musical or an arts and crafts store where. Where you met your high school boyfriend. Gals, we got news for you. He's probably failure. Yeah, absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

My aunt Cindy, by the way, loved the clip about the Maleficent. She loved it. That clip really took.

[Mateo Lane]

It really did.

[Stavros Halkias]

It really, really took off.

[Mateo Lane]

It was awesome. That was one of my favorite moments of the podcast.

[Stavros Halkias]

She was like, I just didn't know. She goes, I just thought he wanted, like, some level.

[Mateo Lane]

She knew.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, she knew. Would you say when you're buying your, Your. Your nephew some horned.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A crystal bitchy. Woman. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

A little boy.

[Nick Smith]

That was the other thing. Is she so my ex girlfriend. I don't even know why I'm calling her ex girlfriend. We were children. She cried, but similar to Mateo's family. Your aunt being like, we should have known. When I came out, I only came out to my mother and my grandmother and both had the exact same response. It was after I'd moved to New York after my freshman year of college. I told them both and they both go, well, everyone talks about it, but no one was gonna say it before you did.

[Mateo Lane]

That's awesome.

[Nick Smith]

Context, clue.

[Mateo Lane]

To me, at least.

[Nick Smith]

I would have come out years ago.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is so fun.

[Nick Smith]

We all talk about it.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, we're. Yeah, I'm. It's going to be interesting to see. I mean, my brother. My brother's trying to have kids and he's talking about how he just wants the gayest son of all time. My little brother's like, that would be.

[Stavros Halkias]

A lot of crying.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, well, you know, could be fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

But in a Greek family. Gays, please.

[Mateo Lane]

Sure. But that's the real classic. See, Greek gay is like, you really enjoy the secret gay sex you have. That's sort of the more Greek style.

[Stavros Halkias]

You mean shame, huh?

[Mateo Lane]

There's very little shame.

[Nick Smith]

Greek guys, like, they invented gay.

[Mateo Lane]

Greek guys are like, wow, I the guy, I'm not gay. That's sort of like Greek logic. That's Greek. That's ancient Greek philosophy.

[Stavros Halkias]

They didn't let that one go.

[Mateo Lane]

No, no, no, keep this.

[Nick Smith]

It's like that meme that goes around where they were saying the strongest soldiers were the ones that swallowed the most loads.

[Mateo Lane]

I didn't know we got. We got a five star general on the co taps. Elders.

[Stavros Halkias]

I really make my parents proud. They did say that they were like, oh. Because they thought that they were like passing down knowledge. I was like, first of all, no one's ever received knowledge from a top.

[Mateo Lane]

Let's get that out of the way. Oh, interesting. Yes. This time of year, every cat is an indoor cat. And when it's freezing outside and I'm an indoor human, if there's one thing that can really stink up being stuck inside, it's the freaking litter box. Don't let that nasty smell ruin your winter wonderland. Switch to Pretty Litter, like we did here at Stavi's World. Pretty Litter's non clumping formula traps odor and moisture. It's ultra absorbent, it's lightweight, low dust and 16 pound bag works for up to a month. Wow. And Pre litter gives me peace of mind. It changes color to indicate early signs of potential illnesses in the many cats in my life. Like Elvis's cat. Isn't that right, Elvis? He's shaking his head just off screen, but he is here and he does agree. Isn't that right, my brother? Just Nick and George. They're also off screen, shaking their head, you know, agreeing or whatever the fuck. Indoor cats and indoor humans agree. Pretty litter helps my house smell fresh and clean. Go to prettylitter.comstavi to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. That's prettylittle.comstavi to save 20 percent on your first order and get a FREE cat toy. Pretty littered.comstavi terms and conditions apply. See site for details. It's funny how much like ancient you hear about where it's like one gay guy was in charge and that's how he was like, yeah, you actually get strength from sucking my dick. You know what I mean? It's like, it's just so clear when you go back the same way. Like every religion has a little hat. It's because the guys in charge all had bald spots. There's no way God had his doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Nick Smith]

They would have shaved it anyways.

[Mateo Lane]

That's true. They would have taken a little.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it looks good.

[Mateo Lane]

It does look good.

[Nick Smith]

Is Julius Caesar Greek?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, he's Italian.

[Nick Smith]

What?

[Stavros Halkias]

He's Roman.

[Mateo Lane]

He's Roman.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ancient Rome. Oh, see, here we go.

[Mateo Lane]

I like this. Yeah. They stole our whole. Nick, that's not your fault.

[Stavros Halkias]

We did.

[Nick Smith]

Not my fault. That's not my fault.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will say where. Where Julius was stabbed in Rome is now they have it. You can still like see it. It's just there. But it's now become a cat sanctuary. So when you walk by, well, that's Caesar. He was killed there. But then there's just like a bunch of cats running around.

[Nick Smith]

Well, my birthday is the ides of. Has something to do with Caesar. Right?

[Mateo Lane]

That's when he got killed, I believe reincarnated. He did love purple. He was. He was big on purple.

[Nick Smith]

He did. He was a big, big supporter of Grimace and I believe he was.

[Mateo Lane]

I feel like the Olos Roman guy. A lot of them were kind of, if not gay by. He had a wife.

[Nick Smith]

Was gay back then.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, well, they had different rules. I just watched like a whole history. I love that. You ever see weird history on YouTube?

[Mateo Lane]

Yes, they go with the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And so they were talking about like what it's like to be Gay like in the Greek times, Roman times and stuff. I mean there was kind of rules to it. It wasn't so it wasn't the way we view gay today. Yeah, there was still like, you know, it was not looked down upon, but it was like there was still. It was always like left with a.

[Mateo Lane]

Little bit of like. There was. I. I really was. I was. That's the joke I made earlier was they did kind of see it as like getting in the ass was like childish because. Because they would. That was like a thing you did as a boy. You and your friends would you. You would just get. Getting molested was such a part of the culture that they're like, wow, what you grow up, you still get in the ass. That's what you do when you're 15. That's. That was literally how they looked at it. There was like a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even though they only lived to 19.

[Mateo Lane]

It was like in a play. They had like a specific name for like grown men that get in the ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, the Pope said it Fragon like a tree.

[Mateo Lane]

That's.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's hysterical.

[Mateo Lane]

Awesome to see it.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he said it twice. And by the way, everyone in Italy was laughing about it. Like everyone was like, ah.

[Mateo Lane]

Cuz he put a little. Little. It's like a. It's like a. He put a little stank on it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Because it wasn't. Froco means right. And frino is like little. He said, can you look it up? I think it's.

[Mateo Lane]

Literally. It's in his already like it pops up it auto tree eldest Eldis has like in his bookmarks way to say.

[Stavros Halkias]

In Italian way to call people. The first one. Let's see what he said. Oh, I believe Bagotry. Yeah, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

We. We covered this on Kush Brothers. Elvis.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

To put a little cute suffix on a slur is so fun. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

A wee little faggot.

[Nick Smith]

But not wrong. In the Vatican there is a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of wearing a fucking ball gown. There are times when you walk through Rome and I'll like the corner of my eye I see a store. I'm like drag race. And then it's like a Pope place, like a cardinal place to buy dresses for themselves.

[Nick Smith]

They're wearing be crucifixes.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah. No, it's gay.

[Nick Smith]

I mean who they are.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like a Lady Gaga concert.

[Mateo Lane]

They are setting the mood. It's absolutely gay as hell for.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have to pee so bad. You guys.

[Mateo Lane]

Are you kidding me?

[Nick Smith]

All the time professional, this guy. Do you see why we can only do 15 minutes? Jesus. Christ.

[Mateo Lane]

That. So in. So did you do. Were you the only child of the. Of the.

[Nick Smith]

No, I have an older brother, but people say I give only child energy. He's four years older, though.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Nick Smith]

I forget that I have a brother sometimes.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Smith]

I'm just kidding. He probably watches us. I've had a podcast with Matteo for a year now. Not a single word from this man, and we couldn't be more opposite. He's straight, bald, kind of chubby, lives on a farm, wife, two kids.

[Mateo Lane]

Sounds like our kind of guy.

[Nick Smith]

Sure.

[Mateo Lane]

He might be listening for real.

[Nick Smith]

He. Well, so I was gonna say I've had a podcast for a year, never mentioned it. We go on Andrew Santino's podcast. You are on Andrew Santino's podcast.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Nick Smith]

And your brother has a podcast. Jordan. I bet you listen to that every once in a while.

[Stavros Halkias]

Santino's podcast. Suddenly you did. Interesting. Tino's pocket. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

I love that, though. And so you moved. You left. You came here to study what? Theater.

[Nick Smith]

Opera.

[Mateo Lane]

Opera. Oh, is that. That interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which. He has a really beautiful opera. I know he sounds like Squidward, but he has, like, a really beautiful baritone bass.

[Nick Smith]

I think we need to backtrack a little. Why did you think I came to study theater?

[Mateo Lane]

Because. Because.

[Nick Smith]

Because why?

[Mateo Lane]

Because of the Louvre and Newton John anecdote from earlier. Because of that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because I'm Greek.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Singing opera on YouTube. We can look up, and it's really good. Yes, you do go to YouTube and type Nick Smith Opera.

[Nick Smith]

I was 19 in it.

[Stavros Halkias]

We don't need to look at what.

[Mateo Lane]

Opera seems, like, so impossible to have. Like, stand up is stupid and hard to make a career in. But I have a friend who she sing. She's an opera singer, and it seems so impossible to just, like, even if you're good.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will say we're very spoiled because one of our good friends is Nadine Sierra, who is the top soprano at the Metropolitan Opera. And like, she. First of all, she's a. She sang with me at Carnegie Hall. The end we came out.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, I saw that.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's also just cool. Stunning. Yeah. And her voice is amazing. But then now Nick and I are so spoiled. She's like, oh, do you want to come to see Rigoletto at the opera? Oh, do you guys want to come see me and B. Sing? And we're like, yes, we'll be here.

[Mateo Lane]

That's awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

So it's our. Our. It's.

[Mateo Lane]

That's your court side.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is my.

[Nick Smith]

That's what I was saying.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's My court side, actually.

[Nick Smith]

One time we sat. She got us tickets to see her in Lucia.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

And we were sitting front row at the Metropolitan.

[Stavros Halkias]

These are like, thousand dollars.

[Nick Smith]

And I'm in one of my best blouses. Okay. I'll have you all know I'm in one of my best bl. And we go sit down, and this decrepit goblin of a woman is sitting next to me wearing the same blouse, just the nicer version. And I turn to her and I say, I love your blouse. And do you know what she does? Not a goddamn thing.

[Mateo Lane]

She completely cold shoulders you can.

[Nick Smith]

You.

[Mateo Lane]

Doesn't even look at you.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, she did this. She goes. She goes like this. She goes, thank you. And then Nick turns to me and goes, dumb cunt. I go.

[Nick Smith]

The nice thing to do is acknowledge. Oh, I like your blouse as well. Doesn't say it. I don't care. Mine's from asos.

[Mateo Lane]

Sure, sure, sure. Shame.

[Stavros Halkias]

She was wearing $3,000 worth of jewelry on her neck and looked at you like, what is this?

[Nick Smith]

Doesn't matter. And guess what? I looked better in it.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. There you go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nadine is phenomenal. So if you want to look.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, that old rich lady could probably smell rayon, you know what I mean? It was like she could tell. She got around just sitting near you, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. No, but you're right. That is our court side. Like, you know, having. When you become friends with people who are in New York, you're like, you know, then you have access to things that are like, you know.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

Well, we were courtside at a fashion show.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's right. We were.

[Mateo Lane]

What did you go?

[Stavros Halkias]

So we. We were in Jason Woo, who styled me for my special, which was an amazing experience. He had us. He had us front row at his.

[Mateo Lane]

That's awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fashion show for Fashion Week. And we, you know, he dressed us up, and it was amazing. That was amazing.

[Nick Smith]

Dressed.

[Stavros Halkias]

He dressed me because when he met Nick, they're like, the photographers, like, do you want to take photos of Jason? Like, sure. And Jason goes, who are you? You're too tall. I didn't dress you.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Too tall. I would feel. I feel like they'd be licking their lips to get a tall. Well, it's because I'm a statuesque beauty.

[Nick Smith]

Too tall.

[Mateo Lane]

Come on.

[Nick Smith]

But it was. It was a surreal experience because we've both lived in many years.

[Mateo Lane]

Hold on, I'm gonna. I'm gonna go to bat for you here, Nick. Isn't that model dimensions tall and skinny as.

[Nick Smith]

Yes, but not this tall. They Want you around, like, 5, 11, 6ft. Oh, that's because they want everyone the same height. So I'm six, three. So they can't have just some Frankenstein.

[Mateo Lane]

Interesting. Interesting. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

One time, we never go out, but one time, our friend Patty's like, we're going to a club. It's my birthday. We're going, so we win. He dressed like Maggie Smith. I dressed like a jelly worker. And we're on, like, the dance floor, and everyone's head is around here. Nick's up there. And then some guy, tall Nick, walks by. See Nick do that. I go, nick, what's up? He go, who the. Like, Frankenstein here?

[Nick Smith]

It's alarming when you're used to looking.

[Mateo Lane]

Down at people and then physically looking, of course.

[Nick Smith]

And then someone else walks in that you have to look up at. It's. It's alarming.

[Mateo Lane]

Is there a kinship of everyone being above the heads? The other tall guys, for me, eldest. Have you ever. Did you ever.

[Stavros Halkias]

How old are you or tall are you? I'm like 6ft 5. Wow.

[Mateo Lane]

I was 64 yesterday. You're peacocking.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was.

[Mateo Lane]

For our fashionable gay friends.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the truth.

[Nick Smith]

There will be gays watching, and they want to know.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've been on the record on past episodes saying, I'm 66.

[Mateo Lane]

You said six three.

[Stavros Halkias]

Completely down in the center right now.

[Nick Smith]

You're 64 and a half.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, I'm 65.

[Nick Smith]

Do you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you see. Do you.

[Mateo Lane]

Do you see the same tall guys in similar places? Like, when you worked at, like, a shitty office or if you took the same train constantly or some shit like that? Would you see other tall guys above the fray?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Really? I like, would you acknowledge each other for your height? Like, you would not. Eye contact. I've talked about it before. We're like. I don't really notice it because most of the time, most people are, like, so much shorter than you. Like, you never notice that you're looking down. But then I've talked about when we hang out with, like, JP McDade, who's, like, an inch taller than. He's really tall. And then I do get, like, a little tribal. I'm like. I don't, like. Like, this feeling of, like, having to look up. Having to look up, like, five degrees to, like, feels.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah, it feels weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I see how it, like, feels weird for everyone else, but it's just something that, like, I'm never used to doing in, like, meanwhile, me and Stavi, these Mediterranean.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, we've reached the height I've Also spoke about this where I hilariously think I'm so much taller than I am.

[Stavros Halkias]

How tall are you?

[Mateo Lane]

I'm 5 7, 59 and so I.

[Nick Smith]

Think it's a good height in my.

[Mateo Lane]

Thank you so much, Nick. In my head, Elvis is literally 3 inches taller than me. Like in my head. And then I have a friend who's 6 foot and this guy is the most even keeled guy of all time. But I just said, I said pretty much with him. I was like, we're pretty much the same. It's the joke I do on my special. He's literally the most mild mannered guy. I was like, yeah, dude, we're pretty much the same height. He got so pissed off because I was like, yeah, I just see us as similar heights. And he was like, I tower over you. He was like. He was like, I know exactly what the fucking top of your head looks like. How dare you say I'm the fucking savior.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will say. You know who I met the other night was. Do you know qcp? He's the shirtless guy in the apron who cooks. He's real, bro. So I did this event for the pasta queen and him.

[Mateo Lane]

I've seen his videos.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, Nick was. Nick knows nothing. So anyway, he was really, really, really nice. And when he met me, I think people think I'm really short because when I met him that he said right off the bat, he goes, you're taller than I thought you would be.

[Mateo Lane]

Really?

[Stavros Halkias]

And I was like, really? Goes, yeah, you just like read really short. Then I realize I'm next to this monster. And so everyone thinks I'm two feet tall.

[Mateo Lane]

Interesting.

[Nick Smith]

Short.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm five nine. That's the average height of a man.

[Nick Smith]

No, it's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the average height of a man?

[Mateo Lane]

It's probably.

[Nick Smith]

According to who?

[Stavros Halkias]

According.

[Mateo Lane]

I would say it's probably 5 7.

[Nick Smith]

I would say 5 11.

[Stavros Halkias]

5Ft 9 inches. From the Centers of Disease Control.

[Mateo Lane]

And that's probably. That's America, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Is that worldwide?

[Nick Smith]

It was run by short men.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, hold on. Worldwide, 5.75.

[Nick Smith]

Okay, well.

[Mateo Lane]

Which is probably what I am sense, right? Yeah. I'm more worldly. I am more worldly. I'm an international. You're the global average. I'm the global average man. Exactly. I'm the amalgam of every man on earth, if you get me.

[Nick Smith]

Would I be tall in Greece? Do they have tall? For sure?

[Mateo Lane]

For sure you'd be tall. Yeah, yeah, we don't gotta. We don't got them that tall.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, Also, Nick, you would be tall, but also they wouldn't look at you for your height. They'd be wondering, why is that man wearing a giant sun hat?

[Nick Smith]

I could protect my skin.

[Mateo Lane]

You do have very fair skin.

[Stavros Halkias]

You keep saying. He's like, I'll come to Italy. I'll have a good time. I just can't imagine what the Italians. Because it'll be very similar to the Greeks. Like, what is this thing?

[Nick Smith]

Like, wear sun hats there, don't they?

[Mateo Lane]

I don't. Not really know what.

[Nick Smith]

What do they do?

[Stavros Halkias]

They take in the sun.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Take in the sun. Maybe a cap. I've seen. We're not talking. I'm guessing, Nick. We're talking. We're not talking. Like a, you know, straw crocodile dungeon style hat. I'm guessing it's Kentucky Derby heiress at.

[Stavros Halkias]

A Kentucky Derby type in My Fair lady racehorse scene.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, that's what I'm seeing picture.

[Stavros Halkias]

But this is even more dramatic. This is. This is what Nick looks like. This is Nick walking around. Italy is going to be fucking.

[Mateo Lane]

That awesome. That's awesome. That's great.

[Stavros Halkias]

So this is Nick for everybody at home.

[Nick Smith]

That's fucking sick that I could wear that in Greece.

[Mateo Lane]

I think you.

[Stavros Halkias]

What would the Greeks hunt in Greece? Greek.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, we don't have to say it. Say it, I guess. Do you bleep out in other languages? But it's pusti p. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Way too close to. They gotta work on this. They gotta fix that. Makes sense.

[Mateo Lane]

Muni is. Is pussy in Greek. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Agape. Mooney. I didn't know how to. I don't know how to do the conjugation. Look at me. Greek.

[Mateo Lane]

Yep.

[Stavros Halkias]

I gotta bring my friend Sophia on this show one time. She's from Chicago, so Greek and her mother. You would find they were just. It was being immersed into the Greek world with that family. They were amazing. I love her mother, Daphne. I told you what she would say during the Greek coffee, right?

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, they would read your.

[Stavros Halkias]

She'd read my fortune. And she'd be like, I can see a letter in the bottom of your cup. This means. Then she would read her daughter. She goes, this says that you're a. Oh, my God.

[Mateo Lane]

I do love how much, like, old witchcraft is left in so many cultures.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sicily, Greece, you know, Mexico.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah. Even the evil eye.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

New Milford. Lot of witchy stuff going on over there.

[Nick Smith]

How else do you think. My dad's the mayor.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

A lot of witchcraft.

[Mateo Lane]

That's so funny. And so let me. What. What is the. After you get out of you Milford. And you're here. You're bouncing around. You went. You come to school for operations, Opera. What are the early years? What's Nick early? Early NYC for Nick looking like.

[Nick Smith]

I mean, I was in college for six years here, so. I always say when you come to New York as a college student, it's a much different experience than just like moving here already as a young adult.

[Mateo Lane]

Sure, sure.

[Nick Smith]

So it was a much easier transition. And then were you like a nerd?

[Mateo Lane]

Were you just studying? Were you, like, mean? Were you out and about?

[Nick Smith]

I've always just sort of been mean. I've never been out and about out. I've never been one of those girlies.

[Mateo Lane]

Not a gal about town.

[Nick Smith]

I'm not a Galabata. We prefer to be homebodies.

[Stavros Halkias]

Playing Fortnite, watching YouTube.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah, we're really born. I've never drank in my life, so I. Oh, never. Never.

[Mateo Lane]

No drugs.

[Nick Smith]

No drugs.

[Mateo Lane]

Wow. A complete teetotaler.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah, I'm a loser teetotaler.

[Stavros Halkias]

I never heard that before.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. That means sober.

[Nick Smith]

That means loser.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Nah, it's okay. I'm teetotaling right now. I got a year of sobriety. Where?

[Stavros Halkias]

Good for you.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm doing my 35th year of life, totally sober.

[Nick Smith]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

How does it feel?

[Mateo Lane]

Not good. I'm Ms. Doing Drugs. It's like I'm not. It just. I have to remind myself I would feel worse. That's the thing. I don't feel good.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just would feel good for that moment. And then the next day is a struggle. And it's always. You're always trying to catch up.

[Nick Smith]

Have you found something to replace that?

[Mateo Lane]

Not really. I was living pretty healthy the. For like half the year. I was like. I wasn't working and I was like, working out, needing the right. And I really like that. But unfortunately, I go right to food. I'm trying to stay health. So, like, when I get more stressed, which I've been a little stressed, the last last month has been pretty busy, I go right to, you know, stupid, stupid seamless orders or whatever.

[Nick Smith]

What's your go to? Comfort meal.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, there's the thing. Well, so I have. I have to have dessert at night. Like a baby needs his binky right now. Like, I do too, by the way. I don't have a pint of. And now I'm meeting Halo top these days.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you kidding?

[Mateo Lane]

It's either that or 4,000 calories. I can't do that right now, Nick. Believe me, I need to be on Methadone I need to be on ice cream methadone right now. That's what Halo top is. But I. It's more the ritual of that. But you know, know it just. Something will hit. I. I go through a little. I go through a rotation of comfort meals. You know what I mean? It'll be chai. It'll be a Chinese fried. Fried chicken wings with beef lo mein is a go to. You know, I love Korean food. If I'm really. In fact, I haven't been eating Korean food because the last few years we've been doing Korean barbecue Thanksgiving. And so I really. It's In a couple weeks. I really. I'm going to really enjoy it because I haven't had at it. But you know, it just really. The. The median. The absolute median meal is when I eat a lot of Chipotle is when I'm trying to hang on.

[Stavros Halkias]

He eats it every day.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah, well, I eat it every day.

[Mateo Lane]

It's good. It's. It's. That's exactly what it is. It's the absolute food group median replacement meal.

[Nick Smith]

A good amount.

[Mateo Lane]

And you can do it healthy or you get chips. You get what? You know what I mean? Like, so I'm there a lot right now. In fact. Chipotle for lunch. Chipotle after this podcast.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting. Very interesting.

[Nick Smith]

You get Duncan in the learning.

[Mateo Lane]

It depends. I. I've been. I've been shooting on. We're shooting Tires, the second season of Tires right now. And there's a Duncan right by where we. Where we film. So I've. I have been getting a lot of. We're living very similar lives right now.

[Nick Smith]

We're the same.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, we're pretty much the same guy. I think two people would look at us. A couple of Greek on there sucking on Duncan.

[Nick Smith]

Yep. People would probably think we're brothers. We're at least twins.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, that's. That'd be a fun reboot of Twins is a. It's just a tall gay guy instead of Arnold. Still the fat. Still the fat little. Still the over the top fat weirdo. There you go.

[Nick Smith]

Anybody watching cast us will do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know that Nick carries the same charisma as the 90s Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[Mateo Lane]

You don't think he's got the same.

[Stavros Halkias]

Star power.

[Mateo Lane]

From Mr. Olympia?

[Stavros Halkias]

Arnold? That's your claim to famous. You broke Lizzo's silence.

[Nick Smith]

That takes some charisma, baby.

[Mateo Lane]

You definitely did bait Lizzo into something. I love that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've still never seen Twins.

[Mateo Lane]

Great movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is it? I do love Danny DeVito.

[Mateo Lane]

It's so good.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's just so 90s. I look about it.

[Mateo Lane]

I legitimately do want to. I have a couple. I really want to pitch remaking it. I want.

[Stavros Halkias]

He could do it.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Like it's got to be. It's got to be a tall jacked.

[Nick Smith]

Unfortunately, it's got to be me. I'd kill.

[Mateo Lane]

I would love to. I cuz if you watch it. Cuz I hadn't seen it. I saw it as a kid and then I rewatched it and I really would do a good job with that character. It's a. He's a complete dirt bag piece of. He's got like the little ponytail. He's like. Again, he's just. Yeah, it's great. I. I would love to play that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just rewatched it. I mean DeVito and that literally is stuff. It's kind of crazy.

[Mateo Lane]

Like I can't unsee it or something on some level. Like did that penetrate my brain as a boy? And I formed my entire personality off of it Because I used to watch that movie a lot. I used to watch. I had a phase when I was a little kid where I watched Twins and what's the one. What's the one where Arnold's pregnant and DeVito's in it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, what was that called? Not baby Sports singer Twins.

[Mateo Lane]

And then what the typing. Arnold eats a lot of Rocky roads pregnant. Junior. Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

I used to watch those two movies back and I think on some. I think when I was a dumb little kid I thought they were the same movie. But then I just watched them a bunch.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what? They kind of are the same movie.

[Mateo Lane]

Junior's way weirder. Junior's way weirder.

[Stavros Halkias]

Look at this. The 90s. The 90s were such a particular time and movie.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, the idea for. The idea for Twins is that they. Yeah. I mean they. They made some bangers. But the idea for Twins was that that like essentially they mixed up a bunch of guys jizz and made the perfect kid. And it was Arnold Schwarzenegger and then the runoff was Danny DeVito. Like all the shitty stuff they didn't use was right there. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The ending is so weird.

[Mateo Lane]

It's a bizarre movie. Go watch. We don't want not to spoil too. Go watch it. We'll talk it.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I don't. It's been so long. I don't remember like.

[Mateo Lane]

But yeah, he. He looks. I really. I legit am going to try and.

[Stavros Halkias]

Remake 39% on Rotten Tomatoes.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, I mean I. I haven't I haven't rewatched Junior, I'll tell you that much.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, Arnold was just taking every check possible. I mean, when he was Mr. Freeze, that was.

[Nick Smith]

That was good. But with Uma Thurman, well, she was amazing.

[Stavros Halkias]

She. No.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, that might be the gayest movie ever made.

[Nick Smith]

It is.

[Mateo Lane]

It is. It's incredible. It's a great re. Watch now, I think.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you watch Red Letter Media ever? The podcast Red Letter media? They're on YouTube. They're great. These three guys are from Milwaukee and they just go. They just talk about movies.

[Mateo Lane]

Big Milwaukee fan.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they've got great, great sense of humor. They're very funny. Anyway, they were talking about that movie, and they made a great point. They were like, Uma Thurman was the only one who understood the assignment in this movie.

[Mateo Lane]

True.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everybody else was. There was no reason. Like George Clooney and Arnold Schwartz. None of them knew what they were doing.

[Mateo Lane]

But Uma really knew what she was doing. I still think it works, even though they didn't know what they were doing because there's just. Clooney isn't hamming it up, but that earnestness is almost good.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

For. For the movie, like Batman kind of being. It is. He feels.

[Stavros Halkias]

Didn't. There was too much happening. First of all, Alfred was dying.

[Mateo Lane]

That was.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was one of the stories then.

[Mateo Lane]

No, there's five storylines.

[Nick Smith]

Alicia Silver.

[Mateo Lane]

Alicia Silverstone came shoehorned in there.

[Nick Smith]

It made no sense in there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Then Robin. Robin didn't want to be. He wanted his own independence with that.

[Mateo Lane]

But he also kind of wants to Alicia Silverstone.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. Then Uma Thurman was there. Then there was Mr. Freeze.

[Mateo Lane]

His wife was in it.

[Stavros Halkias]

There was a lot. Well, it looks great.

[Mateo Lane]

It looks. Yeah. I mean, he's. That guy might. That guy's. What did he say? He. I. I was. Yeah, Schumacher. Like, thousands of guys. He said he.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thousands of guys.

[Mateo Lane]

I think so, yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

In the. In the movie. Like, career wise or.

[Mateo Lane]

No, no. Like, he was just a cool guy that liked to suck. Suck and get sucked.

[Nick Smith]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that makes sense, because the beginning of that movie is them putting on their outfits that have nipples on the outfits.

[Mateo Lane]

And then it's.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's just butts. No, that's the opening of the film.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, at the time it was. And when I was a little. When I was a little kid, I was pumped to see it. I didn't give it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. I would. Well, I loved Poison. I loved Poison Ivy.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I was all about Poison Ivy, but.

[Mateo Lane]

But now it is a great watch to just throw on to have a good time because it's visually so interesting and it's just. It is straight up campy.

[Nick Smith]

But all of those Batman films of that are like with Danny DeVito as Penguin and that one's different. Michelle Pfeiffer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Catwoman had the first Batman in the. In the 80s and it was revolutionary so many ways. And then they had the second Batman, which.

[Mateo Lane]

Still good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Still, it was good, but it was tonally, I think it shocked audiences because they were kind of expecting something more for kids. And it was very adult.

[Mateo Lane]

It was darker, scary. And by the way, Batman's not even. It's kind of more. It's an ensemble movie. Cuz it really is more about. I mean, I don't think Batman's even in it because I rewatched this reaction recently. He's not in really in it. Like he's in at the very beginning, but then he's not in it again for like 20 minutes. It's kind of crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which is fine. We've had enough of Batman.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, at the time though, it was a second Batman movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

The third one, I think they were trying to go again. They were trying to reverse it. So it became.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, they fired Tim Burton. Right. He. He was like, weirdly, you know who he wanted to cast as Robin?

[Stavros Halkias]

Who?

[Mateo Lane]

Marlon Wayans.

[Stavros Halkias]

Honestly, that would be cool at the time.

[Mateo Lane]

It would have been really interesting. Interesting. But yeah, they. They wanted to like exactly what you're saying. The studio was like, all right, we're gonna make this a cash cow. Enough with your weird dark. And then they fired him. And they. That was the one that. I think that was the first Schumacher one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. And that was Two Face and the Riddler. So I had Jim Carrey.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then it got too far with Batman and Rob. Even as like a young seventh grade gay kid, I was like, this is a lot.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh yeah. You didn't appreciate.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love the Poison Ivy scenes. I loved them.

[Mateo Lane]

Love them. No, I just. I just remember being like, whatever you showed me. That was the age where I was like, cool. This is a movie. Awesome. I was never like, I was never making a judgment, especially if it had Batman in it. I was like, sick. Let's watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, why don't we. I think, you know, we could talk forever. And I still. There's so much more. We didn't really even get into the whole the Nick origin story. Some other time.

[Stavros Halkias]

But because it's similar to a Batman.

[Nick Smith]

Villain, really quick, dumb Question. And I don't know why this just popped up. Do Greek people celebrate Christmas?

[Mateo Lane]

We do. We do, in fact, celebrate Christmas. They're Easter. Greek Orthodox.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know what Greek Orthodox means.

[Mateo Lane]

It's a sect of Christianity. Before it split off, it was what Catholicism split off from.

[Stavros Halkias]

Supposed to be kind of right.

[Mateo Lane]

We were all the same church and then we split off. We're the Eastern Orthodox Church. We used to have a different calendar. Now everyone's on the same calendar. Yeah, it's kind of. It's very confusing. Greek people tr.

[Nick Smith]

So what is today for them?

[Mateo Lane]

They've adopted everything the same they used to be on. I don't know what if that's called the Gregorian calendar. But weirdly, culturally, Greek people used to celebrate what we think of as Christmas on New Year's Day. Like, you would get crisp presents and stuff on New Year's Day Day. But I think they just got beaten down by the rest of the world doing it. And especially American pop culture. Like when I was a little kid, my dad, when we were really young, he tried to do that. He's like, we're Greek. We do the first of the year. We were like, no, give us presents. We're five. We want presents now. And so there was no way that was gonna last. He tried that. We were like, fuck, are you kidding me? I have to fucking wait six days? Are you out of your mind? Give me my play. D'oh. Right now, you idiot. So I think it's been completely swallowed up. But yes, Greeks are.

[Nick Smith]

That wasn't a dumb question.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do they celebrate Christmas is different than. Do you have a different calendar?

[Nick Smith]

He knew what I knew.

[Mateo Lane]

Look, I can. We can make it good. Mateo, I'm a professional. You feed me some dumb, like, dude, Greek celebrate Christmas. I'll turn it into two minutes of entertaining content. Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did you grow up with Greek? Were there any Greek people near you when you grew up? There were no Greek. You never met Greek people in New Milfordsford?

[Mateo Lane]

Probably not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Were there Italians? There was one. You said there was one Italian family that everyone ate.

[Nick Smith]

But now my family, that was the.

[Mateo Lane]

Close they had to.

[Nick Smith]

Family owns the Italian restaurant that sells burgers. Well, it's Italian American.

[Mateo Lane]

You gotta go have the pasta there. You should do an episode. You should do an episode of eating the best Italian food at Nick's hometown. That would be awesome. You trying to cobble together the best pasta meal you could in fucking New Milford.

[Stavros Halkias]

Can I go in the kitchen and show them how to actually make it?

[Nick Smith]

I mean, I'm sure you could Play.

[Stavros Halkias]

If your dad's the mayor, we have carte blanche. We can do whatever the hell we want.

[Nick Smith]

Please. We don't even have a police department there. You can do light the shit on fire.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, well, listen, Pizza Hut. It was a whole thing.

[Mateo Lane]

I love it. Well, look, take all these life experiences and channel them into. Because we have callers that desperately need your assistance.

[Nick Smith]

Are these specifically for us?

[Mateo Lane]

No, no, no, no. We don't have that kind of. We don't kind of have that overhead. We. These people have called in some even at this point, years ago, and we'll get to them whenever the fuck we get to them.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is Ryan Seacrest here. There was a recent social media trend which consisted of flying on a plane with no music, no movies, movies, no entertainment. But a better trend would be going to chumbacasino.com it's like having a mini social casino in your pocket. Chumba Casino has over a hundred online.

[Mateo Lane]

Casino style games, all absolutely free.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's the most fun you can have online and on a plane. So grab your free welcome bonus [e-mail] sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary VGW Group void where.

[Mateo Lane]

Prohibited by law, 18 + terms and conditions apply. So Elvis has gotten a couple questions here for us. And why don't you play us the first one, my friend?

[Nick Smith]

Hey, St. So two years ago, restarted. I got dumped by my. Hey, St. So two years ago, I got dumped by my girlfriend because she found me.

[Mateo Lane]

On Grindr talking to.

[Nick Smith]

Talking to boys.

[Mateo Lane]

She kind of had a point.

[Nick Smith]

And I was gonna break up with her, but I was too much of.

[Stavros Halkias]

A pussy to do that.

[Nick Smith]

So instead I, you know, was cheating and sending nudes to other guys. But moving on from that, two years later, I can't stop.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't.

[Nick Smith]

I can't finish.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, with a woman or a guy.

[Nick Smith]

Or a trans woman or like anybody.

[Mateo Lane]

Unless I think about my ex girlfriend. What?

[Nick Smith]

And I'm tired of. Of it. Like, this woman stabbed me. Like, I don't want to think about her anymore. What? Like I. I have a no contact agreement with her, even though I'm the one that cheated.

[Mateo Lane]

So interesting morality here.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah. Should I tell my therapist about this? Should I just, like, try to associate it with thoughts of, like, my naked grandma or something? Thanks, Stu.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'd really appreciate your help on figuring.

[Nick Smith]

Out how to stop needing to, like, think about her to finish. Thanks. Love you guys. I mean, a lot to unpack.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, really? A lot to unpack. From each sentence, from the joke, from the jump.

[Nick Smith]

How did she find him on Grindr?

[Mateo Lane]

She probably had some suspicions, maybe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Why did he not bring up that she stabbed him first?

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

That came in the middle.

[Mateo Lane]

Middle, right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Why wouldn't you be like, well, I was stabbed by my ex girlfriend because she found me. On Griner. We have a no I wonder agreement.

[Mateo Lane]

I wonder if the stabbing is its own issue in his mind.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? The least of his issues.

[Nick Smith]

No contact agreement. Just a fancy way of saying she has a restraining order.

[Mateo Lane]

Again, I think. I think it's sort of like that's the thing. He says no contact agreement as if this is some widely accepted circumstance. He just means they. They don't text each other ever.

[Nick Smith]

Right.

[Mateo Lane]

They've just blocked each other on everything.

[Nick Smith]

Should I say this to a therapist? I know, Maybe you should have been in therapy years ago.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, well, I. I get the therapist being like, we got a lot to cover. Cuz this guy, I mean, that's.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's like, I think I'm just gonna go to Stav with this one. I can't even believe that he thought to go to Stavros publicly about this before. Privately with his therapist. I think Stav and Guest could unpack this in seven to ten minutes.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah. Stop.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have real power. You got real. You're very honorable evidence.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, I also think probably what's going on here. This guy is too embarrassed to admit that the A bust related thing to his therapist. You know what I mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that's like who you talk to your therapist for is right. I mean, I thought that was like.

[Mateo Lane]

What I think you talk generally, but I think in terms of the. The minutiae of coming. It's like. It's one thing to talk about sexual hang ups. It's another thing to be like, what makes me come is my act. But he could. He could have said it differently where he's like, yeah, I only. I can only the somebody call me.

[Stavros Halkias]

I guess it's because like, I have a gay therapist.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I don't. I feel more comfortable talking about that kind of stuff, though. That's not like an issue to talk.

[Nick Smith]

About anything to your therapist. That's the whole point.

[Mateo Lane]

The whole point. No, you're absolutely right. And that is something that. That's a general message for everyone here to take is you got. If you have a therapist, it doesn't make sense not to talk to them about whatever. You gotta open up to them about anything. Anything. Obviously you should talk to your therapist. I mean, that's so Clear. I won't hazard. I think, I think even though there's a lot to unpack, I think ultimately what was. What was happening here is this guy was in a. This is a truly pansexual person who was in a probably abusive relationship and he definitely cheated. Right. But may maybe there was just a lot of wrong going on in that relationship. This is probably an insane woman. Probably pretty good if I had to guess. If I had stabbing plus staying in the relationship. Yeah, I do.

[Nick Smith]

Unfortunately, he's on Grindr.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, I don't think. I don't think it was so bad. I think this guy just a lot. But I think stabbing and staying in a relationship, clearly it was an.

[Nick Smith]

It was a not great relationship.

[Mateo Lane]

The relationship was good, but something was good. Good. So I'm doing the math here. Right.

[Nick Smith]

I think he sounds like a masochist. I think he likes sort of that.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying.

[Stavros Halkias]

She needs to get to bdsm.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, maybe stabbing is kind of real up there.

[Nick Smith]

He can't come without thinking about his ex girlfriend who stabbed him. Baby, go get a dominatrix. Yeah, that's the out of you.

[Stavros Halkias]

To me, it feels like residual guilt that he's not processed yet and he's trying to mask it with a physical pleasure. But I think what's happening is that he probably feels guilt or some kind of shame for the failure of that relationship and his play in it. And so the revisitation of seeing her in order to come is more so him trying to cope subconsciously with the fact that he left something, didn't land the plane. Well, do you see what I'm saying?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I think that's. That's absolutely, totally plausible that he still has some kind of hand hang ups. We don't even know. It seems like he's pretty open about his sexuality. There might be some. Some guilt there too. He seems like, well, he's open to us. Open to us.

[Nick Smith]

But.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. So he can be. If he's talking to you. I mean, his voice is pretty recognizable. I feel like, you know, it's like, come on, dude.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, I'm. I'm just think I'm to. I'm just kind of agreeing with you here where it could be like some shame, some shame and guilt all wrapped in together. Right? Like guilt from the labor relationship shame. I mean, there is like the, like, oh, no, I'm. Even though I'm this guy, I'm actually straight because the Thing that makes me come is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is the ancient Greek.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Smith]

But also he says he can't come with another person. But is he coming from jerking the chicken?

[Stavros Halkias]

Probably jerking the chicken. What, in the Dust bowl era?

[Nick Smith]

I'm not gonna say masturbate.

[Stavros Halkias]

Things you've already said. The things we've already said.

[Mateo Lane]

That is a good. Yeah. Is he yoking the oxen? Yeah, I. He probably is. I feel like you could bust easier, you know, jerking yourself off than you.

[Nick Smith]

He's probably. He's probably stroking his hard dick, since that's what Mateo wants me to say while thinking about his ex girlfriend's bomb pussy. Apparently.

[Mateo Lane]

It'S very possible, Nick. So. Yeah, I mean, look you. There's a lot going on here. You absolutely have to talk to a therapist. We have hazarded some guesses here, but you got a lot going on, my friend, and a lot to unpack. I also think like, two years later is kind of crazy. Two years is a long time. But if. Depending on how long you were together, like that lingers too. Especially if you're not addressing. Addressing the reason.

[Nick Smith]

So it's not crazy, the stab wounds?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, exactly. If you still feel. Feel it. If. Yeah, that's how he comes.

[Nick Smith]

He rubs out the cab.

[Mateo Lane]

Who. It's very possible. So, yeah. Good luck out there, little buddy. What do we got here? Eldis?

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, St. Hello, Eldis.

[Nick Smith]

And esteemed guests. I'm a newer listener, but I'm just calling in.

[Stavros Halkias]

I called him before, but the voice.

[Nick Smith]

Note felt too long and wordy. But anyways, I'm calling in because my boyfriend and I, we've been together for a year. I am 23, my boyfriend is 25. And we've had some conversations and realized that we are both interested in the possibility of a threesome with another person. Now, just a threesome. We're not interested in like a polycule or like dating this person, whoever this theoretical person would be.

[Stavros Halkias]

We just want to have fun and.

[Nick Smith]

Then sort of, you know, go our separate ways with this other person, go on and live our life.

[Mateo Lane]

I got a hunch you could get that going. So. I've never had a.

[Nick Smith]

A threesome of any kind before. Maybe the guest, if they are a queer man or just a queer person, doesn't really matter the gender.

[Mateo Lane]

I'll just do a little producing for.

[Nick Smith]

A change how we can best accommodate. Because I feel like the dynamics of a threesome, especially a threesome, where it's like a couple and then like another person is a very specific thing, versus if it's a threesome with three strangers or, you know, three people who may not know each other that well and just want to have fun. Oh, my God. The other one was the onus is on, if that's the right word, is on the couple to make the third person, you know, feel comfortable, feel invited.

[Mateo Lane]

Is there more to this element?

[Nick Smith]

Do we get them, make them feel safe? There's also like a power dynamic, I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Think, that is there. Here's what you do you want to make your guests feel comfortable. Martha Stewart has 100 books out now, so you could find one of her.

[Mateo Lane]

Books, get some lemonade with time in it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And learn how to like. Yes. And like, make a dinner and those good salads.

[Mateo Lane]

You're gonna.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy, he's like, how do I make someone comfortable in a threesome?

[Nick Smith]

You don't need to have a whole dinner party. Have you had a threesome?

[Mateo Lane]

I have, yeah.

[Nick Smith]

Have you?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Nick Smith]

Same, yeah. And was it good?

[Mateo Lane]

It was pretty good. I mean, one was horrific. You can, you can hear it all on live at the lodge room. It's the final 15 minutes of my first special on YouTube, folks. That one was bad, but I've had a, you know, some nice experience.

[Nick Smith]

Was it three something you had good?

[Stavros Halkias]

It was years ago, but yes, it was because he was a plastic surgeon. So afterwards he would give me filler and Botox. I would always leave with a new face. It was fantastic. They were very.

[Mateo Lane]

They moved.

[Stavros Halkias]

But, you know, this was years ago. But they were great.

[Nick Smith]

But I was what I would say.

[Stavros Halkias]

I had a new nose one time, new chin every time I came out, had a new face.

[Nick Smith]

It's such a gay thing. Gays barter. Sex for goods.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Not every oldest profession.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think we have to be. We have to move past the stereotypes that gay men are transactional. Look, this is a couple. They're very sensitive.

[Nick Smith]

So what I was going to say is chances are it might suck.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, that's true.

[Nick Smith]

Hit or miss.

[Mateo Lane]

That's absolutely true. So I've had a good one, but most.

[Nick Smith]

You can have good ones. And then oftentimes it's always going to feel awkward because there's one person left out. Out. And it's never you, really. Especially in the gay world.

[Stavros Halkias]

You've had a horrific one, actually.

[Nick Smith]

You can't have. You don't got two holes.

[Stavros Halkias]

You do.

[Nick Smith]

Well, you do.

[Stavros Halkias]

I take that he's coming from the.

[Mateo Lane]

Top, has no idea what he's doing.

[Nick Smith]

Sometimes there's always someone left out. So chances are it might be bad, it might be Good. So you need to go in with that mindset. This might not be great. And it sounds like you need to go in fully being on the same page, because if you're already talking about three sums, which is fine. Who brought it up? And chances are, do they actually really want to be open, or are they only wanting a threesome? Sounds like it can lead to more.

[Mateo Lane]

Right, right, right.

[Nick Smith]

You don't want to open that door. Is waiting to open the door to be like, okay, now let's be open.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that sounds like that. That's what. What we're seeing here is that I think maybe, you know, it's. They're tiptoeing their way into something that they both want to experience, but they're worried about the preservation of their relationship, which happens. You know what I mean?

[Nick Smith]

23 and 25.

[Mateo Lane]

That's. That's what I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Kind of.

[Mateo Lane]

What I was going to say. From our caller here, it seems like what he's most worried about is the third person.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

He. Whether that's young.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bottom.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Whether that's young hubris or not, he's not so worried about his relationship. Right. So, like, as. And you said you were the third in a.

[Stavros Halkias]

With a couple, which is always the easy.

[Nick Smith]

It's always the easiest.

[Stavros Halkias]

You show up, they put on a show. Botox. You go home.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. It's easier. So don't. You don't even. You shouldn't.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah. You shouldn't actually worry about the third person. You should worry about your partner. The third person has it easy. They show up to your home.

[Mateo Lane]

Y.

[Nick Smith]

They do the deed. They pull the patch.

[Mateo Lane]

Yep.

[Nick Smith]

And then they're out of there.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Smith]

As long as you have rules and sort of understandings beforehand.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. And I'd also say, like, yeah, you're. They're young. It's in a. This is something, unfortunately, not only can it be bad, but it's also. This is something that it is going to take some trial and error. The actual threesome might be, you know, might be hit or hit or miss. It also could have some negative repercussions. Not that you can't get over them and fix them, but it's like you just got to be. You got to know what you're signing up for.

[Nick Smith]

You're opening the door to possibilities.

[Mateo Lane]

Yes.

[Nick Smith]

All kinds.

[Mateo Lane]

You're. You're. You are just barely opening Pandora's box up, but you're opening it up.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, it can also be a positive thing because when you.

[Mateo Lane]

Absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

With a third person, you realize there's other things you sexually like and, and things you hadn't experimented with before. And it can kind of open, open up.

[Nick Smith]

And you enjoy sharing that experience with someone you love.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

You're also 23 and 25. Do it. You're young, have the experience.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. So how do they wait till they're 35? It's gonna be a very different message.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Threesome this morning. Look, I want to know about, you know, it's very blase.

[Nick Smith]

It's that meme of Ms. Mamshi. She is a drag queen in Brooklyn and she does these like online videos and it's a point of view video where her husband gets home from work. Work. She makes some spaghetti, she sits down and the scene cuts to them at this really long dining table. And he's eating the spaghetti and it cuts up to her and she goes, so what did you mean that you wanted to be open?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, dude. I mean, look, I think that our friend here is good to go. Just give it a whirl. You're young, you're on the same page with your partner, which is important. And just be. Be prepared for a range of, you know, of outcomes. Did he. Was he asking about how to find a person or. No.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to make sure that this other person, you know, understand what the dynamic is, also feels comfortable in a good time. He just wanted general tips on how to set it all up, get it going.

[Nick Smith]

I was finding a third in the gay world.

[Stavros Halkias]

Please. That's. That's the easy.

[Mateo Lane]

That is the easy part. Yeah. I love it. What a beautiful culture.

[Nick Smith]

Walk down Hell's Kitchen and throw a stone. You've hit about 82 days. That'll have a thr.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hello, it is Ryan. And I was on a flight the other day playing one of my favorite social spin slot games on chumbacasino.com. i looked over the person sitting next to me and you know what they were doing? They were also playing Chumba Casino. Everybody's loving having fun with it. Chumba Casino's home to hundreds of casino style games that you can play for free anytime, anywhere. So sign up [e-mail] to claim your free welcome bonus. That's chumbacasino.com and live the Chumba life. Sponsored by by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary VGW Group void where prohibited by law. 18/ Terms and Conditions apply.

[Mateo Lane]

What else we got here? Little eldest?

[Nick Smith]

Hey, Stavi. Elvis and other divas in the show. I'm a 25 year old woman who's in kind of A funny situation. I met this guy on Bumble and it turns out he's really fucking rich. His parents own like 10 private hospitals in Texas.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, nice. Pause this. 10 private hospitals. His. His wealth comes from something that shouldn't exist.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. I was gonn. I would feel. I would feel uncomfortable in that. Well, at least like Proctor and like, it's like something else.

[Nick Smith]

Even that prison.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean, I guess it's true. There's no one that rich is for anything. Good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Private hospitals in Texas. Okay.

[Nick Smith]

Anyway, who did they vote for?

[Mateo Lane]

I think we. I think we know. I think we have a hunch.

[Nick Smith]

Hospitals in Texas.

[Mateo Lane]

He has a trust fund.

[Nick Smith]

He's doing a PhD in finance in Australia, where I live, and working for a hedge fund. He's like the epitome of late stage capitalism. I think he has some sort of PayPal fetish because I haven't fucked him or anything. I've just been really mean to him.

[Mateo Lane]

I like this.

[Nick Smith]

Anyways, my issue with him is that he's been kind of periodically ghosting me every so often because he's just getting taken advantage of. Which is fair because that's totally what I'm doing. But I was just wondering, do you think what I'm doing is morally corrupt? And if your answer to that question is no, know how do I keep sending me money and kind of reignite his interest and prove to him that I'm worth it, even though I'm totally not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyways, let me know, sweetie.

[Nick Smith]

You're the girl in this relationship, so you got it in the bag.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

Just gotta.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, she said she hasn't him or anything or.

[Nick Smith]

But if she hasn't him. And he's still.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

Reaching now. I mean, she's got the golden ticket.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, I've got a golden tick. I mean, if to keep a pay pig on the. On the hook is what she's asking. How do you do it? I. This is a hard one, cuz. I don't have this at all.

[Nick Smith]

Find out what his interests are and play into them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nick, you are such a gaslighting manipulative.

[Nick Smith]

That's what she wants.

[Stavros Halkias]

She wants an answer. Anything on this? This seems weird and uncomfortable. Have any?

[Mateo Lane]

Mateo's against the working class. Yeah, he wants this. He wants this finance, bro.

[Nick Smith]

God forbid women have hobbies. Come on now, let the girl have her fun. She's in Australia. She doesn't have a lot of wins.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, all right, I agree. Look, I think the thing is you just gotta. Because it's not a It seems like, like she just met him on Bumble. Right. They're like not even really dating or they're, they've been out a couple times. What you say at the very beginning. Scroll up.

[Nick Smith]

She met him on Bumble. It doesn't seem like they're.

[Stavros Halkias]

They met on Bumble. They haven't even.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, look, just you know, peeling her off some cash just I would.

[Mateo Lane]

Say, I would say exact. I would say the middle ground here is like look, don't overdo it. The golden goose is going to run dry at some point. Point, yeah, eventually. Don't, don't overdo it. Don't try and like whatever. Like if this guy wants to give you some cash and you're not that interested in you're, you know, just texting him a little bit or like a selfie or two does it, Whatever, keep it going.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's a piece of. But you, you have to think like a guy that rich eventually is going to be like this is fun but you know, I'm ready to get some around.

[Nick Smith]

Or eventually he'll ghost her and do it with another girl.

[Mateo Lane]

Exactly, exactly. And, and that's what you have to be prepared for. It's not worth becoming a super villain to try and, and take his trust fund. But you know, he gets shoes out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of it with a queer couple.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Set him up with two guys, maybe.

[Nick Smith]

That'S just don't come off desperate. Just look, if he's going to send the money, he's clearly got it.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

Show some interest here and there. Collect the goods. Or eventually.

[Mateo Lane]

Or try a harder turn of pure pay piggery of calling him a piece of and like, you know, you know, you little spoiled boy. Give me, send me a hundred dollars now. Now and then. You know what I mean? Why not? It could work. Those girls, I don't know how they do it, but there are guys that respond to like that true. I'm a catch more flies with honey kind of guy. Personally, I prefer not to be treated badly. I love to be treated very nicely by hot women. Personally, that's sort of my kink is when a hot woman is really nice to me, I'm a kinky guy. All right, well, salute to you. Get the bag down under.

[Nick Smith]

Hey, Stavi Eldis. Thanks. Thanks for all you do, man. Hey, I got, I got a, got a conundrum here. I'm hoping you boys can help me out. And you too. Guess so. Just for some context, I. I've been married with my wife for 11 years. Been together for a while. I'm 33. She's 30 before. And you know, when. When we first started dating, we're out partying together and drinking and smoking and, you know, all the cool that we used to do. But as she's gotten older, she's gotten dumb, right? I mean, don't get me wrong, she's great cook, right? Dumb, amazing mom throws it back, you know, all that good stuff. Nice titties, nice. Nice butt cheeks. But he's dumb where she is into flat earth.

[Mateo Lane]

And he's right. He's right.

[Nick Smith]

Which, whatever, right? Like, a lot of people. A lot of people believe a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of different things right there. No, we're not gonna gloss over flat Earthers as if this is just like.

[Mateo Lane]

No, no, no. This. That won me back.

[Nick Smith]

Because at first I was like, come.

[Mateo Lane]

On, dude, relax, it's your one. You're talking about the mother of your children like this.

[Nick Smith]

And then everyone knows the earth is a hexagon. Everyone knows that.

[Mateo Lane]

That's tough, but let's. Let's finish it and then we'll.

[Nick Smith]

Too much flat Earth and, you know, all the usual conspiracy theories, which, whatever, Right? Like, a lot of people. A lot of people believe a lot of different things, right?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

But my problem is that we now have a 10 year old and she's. She's rubbing off some of these conspiracy theories on him. And so, you know, I just kind of want to get some thoughts on how I can have the conversation that, hey, it's all right if you're a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dumbass, but maybe we should give our.

[Nick Smith]

Kids a chance to not be dumbasses. Anyway, love the podcast, Love what you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do, and hopefully we'll.

[Nick Smith]

We'll hear this on the. On a free podcast. All right, thank.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bye.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, man, this is tough.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't even know where this is.

[Mateo Lane]

Really tough, actually.

[Nick Smith]

Like, he did win me back after he said the flatter thing, cuz originally when he was like, she's gotten done with kids. Look, I don't have kids, but I know a lot of moms and they spend a lot of time talking to these kids. So they.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Smith]

When you don't talk to adults anymore, you basically convert to their wavelength.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, I don't.

[Nick Smith]

When he was like, they're flat earth. I'm like, what is your children. Children teaching you?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think there's a bluey episode about flat earthism. I agree with you. I think this is. This is a really difficult one because. And this is, by the way, a problem with getting Married to somebody you meet when you're 20, it's like you don't know how stupid they actually are.

[Stavros Halkias]

You gotta wait until everyone's a idiot when you're 20.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. And you're meeting and you know, whatever.

[Nick Smith]

And they probably were high in their 20s and she probably was like, my God, the earth is flat. Was like, she's so crazy.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. He wasn't even listening what she was saying. He was trying to her. This is a real big. This is tough because, I mean, I, I don't want to sound the alarm bells here, but it's like this is a fundamental issue because flat Earthers usually are not really won over by logic and reason.

[Nick Smith]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Something deep. Deep and dark happening. If you're a flat Earther, like, there's something deeply idiotic about the entire thing.

[Mateo Lane]

It's also. When do you have to. Because what you said is so true, Nick. Where the mom and the moms I know too are like this too. They're so busy. You picked up flat earthing right in the middle of like raising kids. And like, that's crazy to like, if you.

[Nick Smith]

You're home and you're like, you know what? I think the earth is flat.

[Mateo Lane]

Pull up that iPad. I got some interesting videos to watch while I breastfeed. But this is something that like, usually happens to people when they're empty nesters and they just have. They fill the void with like, qanon. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They've never seen YouTube before, so they think everything on YouTube is real.

[Mateo Lane]

True. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So she's dumb on many levels.

[Nick Smith]

Look, I don't necessarily know if he can say, hey, I know you're a dumbass, but don't let her kids be a dumbass with you because she's their mom. She's allowed to talk to them how she wants.

[Mateo Lane]

She also believes this.

[Nick Smith]

She also believes it. And like you said, flat Earthers don't believe in logic.

[Mateo Lane]

That's the whole point.

[Nick Smith]

I think he needs to counteract it. And when he's with the kids, show.

[Mateo Lane]

Them things and talk about really round.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is the problem is that when you're parenting, the parents are supposed to be a unified right front. That's right. Because you know, because otherwise the kid knows how to start manipulating. Go to mom. No, they have. Mom and dad have to have the same opinion. We raise the same. Because otherwise it can really confuse the child. And then the child sees you two fighting and it sets up an uncomfortable environment where the kid isn't able to. To trust either one of his parents, because he sees them fighting, vying for that child's attention and approval. So it sets up an unhealthy home off the bat. And as parents, it's your responsibility to, as you said, be a unified front for your child, to give them the easiest streamlined childhood so that it's not confusing in the house.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, that's out the window.

[Nick Smith]

But you.

[Mateo Lane]

His mom believes in the flatter.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, it's gone.

[Mateo Lane]

So we can just kind of. At this point, we're just trying to salvage the situation.

[Stavros Halkias]

The house is burned down. Get a divorce.

[Nick Smith]

Unified fronts, I think, are, to an extent, you can be a unified front and being like, don't bully kids. But.

[Mateo Lane]

Right. No, that's a good but.

[Nick Smith]

But there are couples who are like, the wife is Jewish and the husband is Catholic.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not unified. No, no, no, no.

[Nick Smith]

But what I'm saying is that's not that. Those are their beliefs. So the one unfortunately, this. And she's like, I believe in this.

[Stavros Halkias]

But that's different because you're saying to your kid, hey, this is how mom grew up and we're going to celebrate. Celebrate her traditions. This is how dad group are going to celebrate. So you get, again, you get your children into different cultures. This is a flat Earth. This. I'm talking about something very different.

[Mateo Lane]

You're all right. You're. Again, of course, you're right. But we're dealing with. We're dealing with, like, I think that actually is the how can. If you are. If you are dedicated to, you know, continuing this relationship. Right. Like, the first step is talk to your. Your wife and be like, the first step is being, like, how much do you believe? Like, actually have a qualitative discussion about, like, what's going on here? I don't believe. You know what? Just really feel her out. Is this just like something she thinks? How. How. Like, how much does she believe it? Right. Unfortunately, it might be kind of like a religion. You're talking about different cultures, different stuff. At the end of the day, religions are also just.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, but culture and traditions from those cultures, not necessarily the actual belief and scientific facts. I'm just saying we're having it. There's an issue here.

[Mateo Lane]

I know, but I'm just saying the only way to approach it where you can say, all right, I like what we can do is be united front as parents about everything else. And then the. The message you can send to your kids is, look, we disagree on this. People can disagree on these things. Do your own research and Figure out what you think. Think you know, go to school, talk, whatever and that. And you don't have to believe what either mom or dad thinks. That's the best way you can handle it. Unfortunately, I think your reaction is correct. And this is kind of a fundamental problem that would. Imagine your wife out of the. Imagine your wife out of the blue. You guys have kids and she wants to teach your kid. She wants to teach your kid about the flat earth. I mean that's. What do you even do?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a tough thing. I mean, you think they're a flat.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. It would be tough to have such a correct wife.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm so tall. I can see it flat.

[Nick Smith]

I think he needs to tell Ms. Christine Columbus over here to just keep running. And when she falls off, she falls off.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean this is hard because flatter. This is just the tip of the ice. Iceberg. But truly like somebody that you. I mean it's not gonna happen. Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is. This is what I think. Based on his call as the only.

[Mateo Lane]

Married person here, I assume he says she's. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

My wife doesn't believe the earth is flat. He says she's a great mom. She's got awesome titties and a good ass. It sounds like they're pretty regularly.

[Mateo Lane]

That's true too.

[Nick Smith]

Crazy people know how to.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is a stronger foul foundation for a long lasting marriage and family than like someone believing crazy crazy politics or even wrong science.

[Mateo Lane]

You're not.

[Stavros Halkias]

What he's got to do is say like Sav is saying. Yeah. Figure out first of all why she's like so clinging on to this. But you know, ultimately who cares? Let her think it. But you should have a discussion like. Like let's cool it with telling our 10 year old this because it's cool. If that's what you think or you're not convinced of evidence that the earth is round. We can't be saying that just makes our kid look like an idiot. A little crazy. If he's like in polite company and talking about oh yeah, the Earth. The earth is that her round butt and round titties will get flat, but the earth is actually round. And so eventually the sex will run out and you have to.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't know about that. If they're still 10 years, like they've been together for 11 years.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's nothing.

[Nick Smith]

They're 34.

[Mateo Lane]

They've been together for 11 years. A good. The relate. I kind of. Elvis is winning me over here because. What do you want some. That Knows signs but won't suck your dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Mateo Lane]

No, thank. Honestly, no. Legitimately, no, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Legitimately, no.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean, this is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is reality.

[Mateo Lane]

This is reality here, Mateo.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can say that you win.

[Nick Smith]

You're right.

[Mateo Lane]

You can watch Nova with your dry dick all you want. But me, I'm it. I'll be on. I'll be on YouTube.

[Stavros Halkias]

And in terms of the impact on the kid, too, it's like, well, her just being a good mom is more important than her believing dumb. All our parents believed like such stupid ass. And it's like the more you believe in lizard people, the wet or the pussy, if that.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't think that's the case, but I think he might have found a situation here. But if that were the case, hey.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Mateo Lane]

I might. I might be. I might be pro Alex Jones after all.

[Stavros Halkias]

I might put my skeptics. What's the conspiracy theory that you guys hear that you're like, okay, I could kind of see that.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't know. Really?

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, that all super famous people are pedophiles.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. The super rich.

[Nick Smith]

Mine is believe 911 was an inside job.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Nick, we really went there.

[Nick Smith]

Never forgot.

[Stavros Halkias]

I watched this show on YouTube called why Files. It's great. And what they do is they. Half of it is like conspiracy theory or aliens or something, right? But then the other half are facts about it. And it does leave you because, like, it shows you that with the music and with the. The drama, you believe it. And then suddenly you're listening. Oh, wait, like that couple that does all that based on the conjuring Movie. Movies, right? They go. He goes in all the detail about them and the ghosts. But then the other half is like, well, they were raging alcoholics. They were. You know, there was child molestation accusations, and they were doing this to get that, like, do you see, like, where their motives came from, finding all these ghosts. So it really does put into perspective everything that you hear about, you know, alien invasion, all this stuff.

[Mateo Lane]

So, yeah, just who it's coming from. Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Food for thought. Interesting. If anybody wants the Y Files so.

[Mateo Lane]

Caught up on facts.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mateo, I'm sorry, that's really not a popular opinion these days.

[Nick Smith]

I started my own conspiracy theory in an episode recently. I don't think constellations are real.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that conspiracy theory. That's called being stupid.

[Mateo Lane]

So good. Yeah. I mean, also, it helps to be stupid as shit for this. To believe this stuff. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

True.

[Mateo Lane]

Doesn't hurt. Looking for excitement.

[Stavros Halkias]

Chumba Casino is here. Play anytime. Play anything anywhere.

[Mateo Lane]

Play on the Train.

[Stavros Halkias]

Play at the store.

[Mateo Lane]

Play at home. Play when you're bored.

[Stavros Halkias]

Play today for your chance to win and get daily bonuses when you log in.

[Nick Smith]

So what are you waiting for?

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't delay. Chumba Casino is free to play. Experience social gameplay like never before. Go to Chumba Casino right now to.

[Mateo Lane]

Play hundreds of games, including online slots.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bingo, Slingo and more. Live the chumba [e-mail] VGW proof. No purchase necessary Void.

[Mateo Lane]

We're prohibited by law.

[Stavros Halkias]

See terms and conditions 18 + we'll do.

[Mateo Lane]

What do you think? We got a good one here to end on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we do.

[Mateo Lane]

All right.

[Nick Smith]

Hi. Stomping. Okay, this is not advice, but I just have to know, would you ever go on Dancing with the Stars?

[Mateo Lane]

I don't know if you're one to.

[Nick Smith]

Dance, but I think you could bust a move, so please let me know. I think a lot of your fans.

[Stavros Halkias]

Would like to see it.

[Nick Smith]

And who knows, maybe you'll find a hot lady with big tits who will be your partner.

[Mateo Lane]

That'd be cool.

[Nick Smith]

I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let us know.

[Nick Smith]

Thanks, Bob.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do the Greek Dance. You know how to do the Greek dance?

[Mateo Lane]

I can do some of them, sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's it called?

[Mateo Lane]

There's a lot. There's a bunch of different ones. Like the line. The. The, like, solo one is the Zico, but then there's a bunch of other, you know, just the.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like the tarantella that we do in Italy.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. I mean, there's like. I don't know, there's like a handful of them that people do, like a wedding or a baptism or whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not really Dancing with the Stars. The producers don't even know what the to do with you. It would be amazing.

[Mateo Lane]

It's awesome that these. This is what people want for my career, just to go on Dancing with the Stars. Like, can I make it first?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a big thing for a lot.

[Mateo Lane]

Of people going on dancing with a lot of people.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think a lot of people still watch TV and that they. They be. You're famous. They'd be excited to see you go on that show.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm still, you know, I'd like to. I'd like to make it a little. A little more before we're talking about Dancing with the Stars. I'm not ready to pack some naked. Did she. I didn't know she won it. Really?

[Nick Smith]

I didn't know that she did. And in a recent interview, they go, do you still watch? She goes, I have not watched a single Episode. Since I was on that show.

[Mateo Lane]

I didn't realize she was on dancing. Maybe I should. Maybe I should bite my tongue and follow the Zendaya career path. How old is she?

[Stavros Halkias]

She did it with 25. How old is she, kid?

[Nick Smith]

She did it when her, like, Disney years. It was a big controversy. None of you guys remember this?

[Stavros Halkias]

No controversy.

[Nick Smith]

That. Because she was a Disney Channel star. So she was like a singer and a dancer, and everyone was like, it's rigged. She's a dance. She's a dancer.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's her face from Dirty Dancing 1. It was like. Yeah, that was in the movie. Like, she literally learned how to dance with Patrick Swayze. And of course she won Dancing with the Stars. It's easier.

[Mateo Lane]

They would probably say that about me if I went on. They'd be like, this is rigged. This man is too lies. His movements are too beautiful. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He was an athlete when he was younger.

[Mateo Lane]

He was a junior varsity. He was a varsity football player on the Baltimore Polytechnic Picnic Institute football team.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know how to dance. I would never do this.

[Nick Smith]

Is there a reality competition you would do?

[Stavros Halkias]

I would want to do.

[Nick Smith]

We want to do Amazing Race.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Because we would lose first episode.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean. Yeah.

[Nick Smith]

But also amazing television.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just Nick being like, Jesus.

[Mateo Lane]

I'd like to. I'd like to. Not now, but I would like to. When I polish my cooking skills, I would like to do chopped. I'm a huge chopped fan. And maybe even. Maybe even the. You know, the. The Great British B. I mean, I wouldn't be the British one, but some kind of baking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you watching the Great British Bake off this season?

[Mateo Lane]

I haven't watched in a while. We watched Dylan.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's a guy this season. His name is Dylan. He is the most beautiful human being.

[Mateo Lane]

Really?

[Stavros Halkias]

Everyone in the world would agree. He looks like a Thundercat. Like, he is so unique looking. So beautiful. His cheekbones and he's. He's so sweet.

[Mateo Lane]

Go to images.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I love that. You don't go to images.

[Mateo Lane]

Idiot.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, get a good one. Get a good one.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, this guy's whatever. He's all right.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, you gotta see him in the show when he's with the hat there.

[Mateo Lane]

You guys are overdoing this guy. I was getting ready to get horny. This guy's just okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's gorgeous. I love him.

[Mateo Lane]

He's all right. Looking, looking.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, he's. You gotta watch the show.

[Mateo Lane]

I'll watch the show.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, and Nelly's great, too.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, I'll watch the Show. All right, well, how about one more Elders? Anything.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I did love that question. It's fully like. I just would love to see you on Dancing with the Star.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If not it, I don't give a.

[Nick Smith]

Maybe now they'll see you unchopped someday.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, the chopped kitchen. There's a lot of pressure there.

[Nick Smith]

Or like, chopped celebrity.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cola Scola did a sketch where they pretended. What was her name?

[Nick Smith]

Lorraine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Lorraine was on chop. They edited it. So, like, you know. Oh, no, what you're eating is cat hair. I just put it together. It's so good. Cole's a genius.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Cole, have you seen. Oh, Mary, I can't wait. I haven't gone. I really want to go. Yeah. Cole is so, so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, so funny. Do you remember Cole back in the day, like, at shows, like, at. At Pine Box or, like, Union hall and stuff? They were always doing sketches that.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Turn so dark so quickly.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean, that the first thing I saw of them was the. It was. It was promoting, like, a. A show, but it was so. It was like a lady getting interviewed for the murder.

[Stavros Halkias]

The murder document thing, the whole thing.

[Mateo Lane]

It was insanely funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

So he came to the office.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I thought something.

[Mateo Lane]

Something wasn't right. And it was just so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dragging a dead horse across.

[Mateo Lane]

And I thought something about just never catches on. Never so good.

[Stavros Halkias]

I said, did you murder your sister? He said, I did. I said, okay, something's not happening.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, whatever. The last call, that's good enough, man. We had a great episode. Save that for another time. Mateo. Nick, thank you so much for coming. Yeah, very good, Very good. Watch the podcast.

[Stavros Halkias]

I never liked YouTube. I'm on tour, the Can't Stop Talking Tour. Go toteato link comedy.com for tickets.

[Mateo Lane]

Love that, Nick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where can they see you on tour?

[Nick Smith]

Opening for you sometimes or both. Have YouTube channels.

[Stavros Halkias]

He comes out and does four minutes. I intro him. I go, this is the worst person I've ever met. Their audience already losing it.

[Mateo Lane]

Beautiful. We'll see him, see the fellas. And thank you. Thanks, everybody. We'll talk.

[Stavros Halkias]

Looking for excitement? Jumba Casino is here. Play anytime. Play anywhere.

[Mateo Lane]

Play on the train.

[Stavros Halkias]

Play at the store.

[Mateo Lane]

Play at home. Play when you're bored.

[Stavros Halkias]

Play today for your chance to win and get daily bonuses when you log in.

[Nick Smith]

So what are you waiting for?

[Mateo Lane]

Don't delay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Chumba Casino is free to play. Experience social gameplay like never before. Go to Chumba Casino right now to.

[Mateo Lane]

Play hundreds of games, including online slots.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bingo, Slingo and more Live the chumba [e-mail] PGW approved.

[Mateo Lane]

No purchase necessary. Void.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're prohibited by law. See terms and conditions 18.