#116 - Adam Ray

Summary

Stavvy's World – Episode #116: Adam Ray Release Date: February 17, 2025

Introduction

In Episode #116 of Stavvy's World, host Stavros Halkias welcomes comedian Adam Ray to the sunny Los Angeles studio. The episode is part of the "Hollywood Halkia" series, where Stav brings in favorite guests from different locales to engage in candid and humorous conversations. The chemistry between Stav and Adam is immediate, setting the tone for an evening filled with laughter, personal stories, and insightful discussions.

Career Highlights

Adam Ray delves into his journey in the comedy world, sharing anecdotes from his early days performing stand-up. At [07:10], Adam recounts his experiences at comedy festivals:

"Keith Stubbs and the Rocky Mountain Laugh Off 2000, 2007. Yeah, they put you up at the Rocky Mountain Laugh Off."

He humorously describes his first TV appearance on the season premiere of According to Jim in 2007, where he played "The Water Boy." Adam shares behind-the-scenes mishaps, including accidentally dropping two bottles of seltzer during the live taping, which delayed the show by 45 minutes.

"We dropped two bottles of Sparklets during the live taping and delayed things for 45 minutes."

Adam also touches on his acting ventures, mentioning roles in As Good as It Gets and participating in various comedy projects, illustrating his versatile involvement in the entertainment industry.

Personal Anecdotes

The conversation shifts to personal stories, with Adam opening up about his family dynamics. He discusses the impact of his parents' divorce and his relationship with his stepfather, George, whom he affectionately refers to as "second dad." Adam shares a poignant memory from attending a Seattle Seahawks game with friends, highlighting the camaraderie and the unexpected twists that life brings.

"I was at a Super Bowl party, and my buddy Norman was like, I just got to go say something to him... And he goes, 'Michael.'"

Stav and Adam reminisce about their high school experiences, with Adam recounting his transformation from the "fat kid" to the "funny kid" through comedy. This transformation was sparked by instances of bullying, which he overcame by embracing humor and developing his comedic persona.

"I was such a happy go-lucky kid that unless people were making fun or saying things, that's when I was like, oh, maybe I do need to shake a few off."

Super Bowl and Celebrity Encounters

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Adam's experiences during Super Bowl events and encounters with celebrities like Michael Phelps. Adam humorously describes attempting to engage with Phelps at a party, leading to an awkward yet memorable interaction.

"My buddy Norman was like, I just got to go say something to him... he goes, 'Michael.'"

The hosts also discuss their mutual admiration for sports and the amusing overlaps between their personal lives and professional endeavors, adding layers of relatability and humor to their conversation.

Advice Segment: Listener Call-Ins

Stavvy's World features interactive segments where listeners call in with personal dilemmas. In this episode, two callers seek advice:

1. Dov's Inheritance and Family Tensions ([62:34] – [66:52])

   Dov shares a complex family situation involving his mother's inheritance and accusations against his uncle. The conversation explores themes of trust, familial bonds, and the challenges of confronting loved ones about deceit.

   Adam Ray at [63:56]: "And I think Mary Kay Letourneau."

   Stav offers thoughtful advice, emphasizing the importance of honest communication and confronting uncomfortable truths to mend broken relationships.

   Stavros Halkias at [65:56]: "If she won't admit it, dude, that's the kind of thing where you're like, okay, well, listen, I know what happened, and when you're ready to talk about it, reach out to me."

2. Soft Elvis's Relationship Dilemma ([77:40] – [98:15])

   Soft Elvis discusses concerns about dating a significantly older man (34) at the age of 21. He grapples with his sister's disapproval and questions the compatibility and intentions of his partner.

   Stavros Halkias at [90:13]: "It's a little strange, but consenting adults can do whatever they want."

   The hosts navigate the nuances of age gaps in relationships, encouraging open dialogue and self-reflection to ensure that personal happiness and mutual respect are prioritized.

Comedy and Personal Growth

Throughout the episode, Adam and Stav explore the intersection of comedy and personal development. Adam reflects on how humor has been a coping mechanism and a tool for resilience in the face of adversity. Their banter is laced with self-deprecating humor and sharp wit, making profound subjects approachable and entertaining.

Stavros Halkias at [51:24]: "And how do we know this guy isn't like, didn't push his eating habits on her?"

Adam adds depth by sharing his struggles with self-esteem and the journey toward embracing his comedic identity.

Adam Ray at [50:37]: "Then people were looking at me as funny kid and not fat kid. So then I was like, oh, I just got to keep doing this."

Closing Remarks

As the episode winds down, Adam Ray promotes his upcoming projects, including his Netflix special and live theater tour, engaging listeners with updates on his comedic endeavors.

Adam Ray at [86:04]: "We're taking over Detroit, Michigan, baby, at the world famous Fox Theater."

The hosts conclude with humorous exchanges and final thoughts, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and anticipation for future episodes.

Notable Quotes

• Adam Ray at [07:10]: "Keith Stubbs and the Rocky Mountain Laugh Off 2000, 2007. Yeah, they put you up at the Rocky Mountain Laugh Off."
• Adam Ray at [07:54]: "I was also on the season premiere of According to Jim in 2007."
• Stavros Halkias at [65:56]: "If she won't admit it, dude, that's the kind of thing where you're like, okay, well, listen, I know what happened, and when you're ready to talk about it, reach out to me."
• Stavros Halkias at [90:13]: "It's a little strange, but consenting adults can do whatever they want."
• Adam Ray at [51:24]: "And how do we know this guy isn't like, didn't push his eating habits on her?"
• Stavros Halkias at [51:24]: "And how do we know this guy isn't like, didn't push his eating habits on her?"

Conclusion

Episode #116 of Stavvy's World with Adam Ray is a tapestry of humor, heartfelt stories, and genuine advice. The dynamic between Stavros Halkias and Adam Ray creates an engaging atmosphere where listeners are entertained while also gaining insights into personal growth and navigating complex life situations. The blend of stand-up anecdotes, celebrity stories, and interactive listener segments make this episode a standout, embodying the essence of hanging out with your pal Stav.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

No purchase necessary VGW Group Void where prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply.

[C]

Welcome everybody to Stavi's World 904-800. Stav call in. We'll solve all your problems. We have returned to beautiful Los Angeles. We are here doing the sunny LA Hollywood Halkia series where we. I flew Eldis out, ripped him from his family and so that on short notice so that we could get a couple of our favorites that we don't get to see in New York. And we are continuing that today with our buddy Adam Ray.

[B]

My man.

[C]

Thanks for coming, dude.

[B]

Good. I love a good bump.

[C]

Nice bump, dude.

[B]

Never done coke though.

[C]

Never get that out of the way.

[B]

Yeah, people keep asking me at shows, cuz, you know, like you so I think I just high energy on stage. Not so. But I'm always like coke energy, like and then I'm always like, I feel like, you know, eight Capri Suns in an hour energy.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But I also don't know what full. I mean I've only been around few people ever that I could tell they were on like full on.

[C]

And who were they? Let's name names.

[B]

And oops. That was the full name. I tried to come up with a joke name bleep.

[C]

We'll bleep.

[B]

And Jeff Samsonite. Okay. That's the real guy.

[C]

The guy who started the luggage company.

[B]

You got it.

[C]

Wow. The heir to the Samsonite luggage Company.

[B]

Huge cokehead. What do you think? What do you think all those briefcases were for? Mince? Dental dams? Nope. Coke?

[C]

No. Cocaine for young Adam Ray. Huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Nothing.

[B]

No coke. But I love a good. I mean, dude, this past week was.

[C]

A lot of drinking and it's February.

[B]

So you know, it's Black History Month. Yeah.

[C]

So this past February you. February, you had a great time. So. Yeah. You were up to some cool stuff this past week?

[B]

I was, man. All the stuff, man. Valentine's Day.

[C]

Valentine's Day.

[B]

President's Day, President's Day, January. That's January. Which feels like a Feb month, though. And not because of the Black History thing. It just feels like there are probably some holidays that get lost in the shuffle.

[C]

Maybe that's why, you know, I've had it. You hear a lot of complaining. Black History Month's the shortest month.

[B]

Where you're going with that. Why is it still a holiday? I was like, where's he going with this?

[C]

MLK Day. You could kind of argue should count towards Black History Month.

[B]

Pretty big one.

[C]

You know, you get an extra one, they should make it the last day of January. So it's one continuous.

[B]

I'd be okay with that.

[C]

You know what I mean? Although it is nice to have that. It is funny because you think like, oh, MLK Day was created to honor an American hero. And it turns out like a lot of the times it's just like people who have great jobs already. It's like a lot of rich people who work at fucking Google now, they get, ooh, maybe we'll go skiing. We have that Monday off. It's like fucking, you know, it's turned into just sort of. Because only good ass companies, like fewer and fewer people get every holiday. I guess the federal government gets it off.

[B]

They get all of them. Yeah, I mean, look, we don't take Hanukkah off. And I'm speaking for most of us.

[C]

All right, let's relax. You get a lot of holidays that I would not, I would not go. Jews don't get enough holidays.

[B]

My Hebrew rant, my Hanukkah.

[C]

If there's one group that can't really talk about fucking holidays, I think it's you.

[B]

Can we just get one suk? Everyone's like, and this is the marker where I turned it off.

[C]

It's the coat. The one which.

[B]

You don't have to do this.

[C]

Which was Jewish Halloween.

[B]

Jewish Halloween is Purim.

[C]

Purim.

[B]

I love that.

[C]

I knew what you meant. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[B]

So Jewish Halloween sounds better than Purim.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But we. Passover is probably the most fun because it's the, it's the most. That's just really like a, an ex. You know, there's a story and there's a lot of symbolism, but it's really like a let's have a party. There's different versions. There's the sit down, go through the, the, you know, the story and, and there's, you know, kids do a part and it's all this, you know, it takes four hours or there's the let's do the read. Yeah, it's a cold read. You might as well read season four, episode six from Entourage and just have one guy go, hey, Turtle, why aren't you getting any more tonight?

[C]

Lloyd, do you think Jesus had a turtle? Which one of the twelve apostles was Turtle? You know was there? Look up the names of the top either. TV's off, eldest, you idiot.

[B]

Idiot.

[C]

Dude, you're embarrassing me in front of Adam.

[B]

Elvis, you doing, man? I flew you all the way out here on Southwest C Group just so you can fuck up the team.

[C]

That's his fault. I told him to set an alarm to check in. It's not my fault he got C Group, bro.

[B]

And if you get into C Group, you might as well just Sign up for narnia.com and make a profile because you are now a member of the bottom of the barrel crew. Let's. C group is wild, dude.

[C]

C Group's tough to get by, especially as a fat man.

[B]

Have you ever had somebody massage your spot where you're like, C98? And they come up with like, oh, hey, are you C95 or C. Yes, 96. And you're like, hey, Doug, we're both sitting on the wing, man. What are you doing right now?

[C]

Yeah, yeah. At the end, it's like, look, it's a middle seat, man.

[B]

It's a middle seat. Or maybe not even. Or you're standby for the next flight.

[C]

Right, right, right.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But thank God I'm not. Like, I have. I'm out of Southwest. Thank the Lord I've.

[B]

It's now a Burbank to AZ if JSX is. Is too much or unavailable because it still is so easy. Or Burbank to Vegas, it's, you know, 40 minutes. And it's true. There's 90 flights a day, but that's.

[C]

Not true yet because we definitely actually did fly Southwest on a lot of weird regional.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Detroit to Dallas or some weird. You know what I mean?

[B]

It was one of my first jokes. I talked about buying a airplane ticket while I was super baked. It was probably my second year into smoking weed and Nice. And. First year, four years old.

[C]

How old?

[B]

Four years old. And. And dad blew it on my face and said, I'll see you when you're 22. And not a joke. And no. And he goes. I would go. I got. Because it was a confirmation code where she's like. She. I'm going to be back to you. B as in boy, K as in kaleidoscope. P as in Peter, read it back to me. I go, all right. B as in. That's what I would do in the joke. Yeah, that's way more laughter than we get.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I go, K is in Ku Klux Klan. And then I go. And P is in pneumonia. And then that would get a decent laugh. And then, and then I would say. I go. I got so baked that I bought a round trip ticket from LAX to Burbank.

[C]

And.

[B]

And then I didn't know that you couldn't do a regional joke outside of la, so I went to some festival in Utah and did it. And I remember being like, I'm gonna close with this.

[C]

I'm only doing seven so much.

[B]

My first fest. But I'm a dude festival a year in, okay?

[C]

Comedy festivals, AKA pyramid scheme. Like they just, they would charge you to fucking.

[B]

Oh, I. I don't think I made any money. I think I got a hotel for four days and. But no drinks for free. Keith Stubbs and the Rocky mountain laugh off 2000. 2007. Yeah, they put you up the Rocky Mountain Laugh Off.

[C]

Dude, stop flexing on us, dude. I bring you here, you fucking just fucking brag right in front of my face.

[B]

I was also on the season premiere of According to Jim in 2007.

[C]

Oh, who'd you play in that?

[B]

The water boy.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

We dropped two bottles of Sparklets during the live taping and delayed things for 45 minutes. I had to walk in with two things on my shoulders and I walked in and I had to go, hey, Jim boy. I was like a good Christian boy. And that Jim Belushi was trying to get Courtney Thorne Smith. He was writing like sexy letters to her from me because cuz their marriage was in shambles, right? In a sitcom relationship.

[C]

She was hot too.

[B]

She was. She was coming from Melrose Place right into Belushi's pants. And so, yeah, and so. And that's by the way, was on the air for eight years.

[C]

B had a nice little check off.

[B]

That nice run dude. And he. I remember I was walking up when I left real quick and I was like, Jim, I go, thanks, man. It's my first TV gig. Thanks for being cool. He's smoking a. A stogie. Because I had like knocked on his door and in my head I was like, I'm just going to go say thanks for being cool, man. And knock on the door, by the way, like four times. Could just didn't open. Should have just taken the hint. Hey, he doesn't want to talk to the guest Star man, open the door. And he goes, he's on the phone. I go say, thanks for making my first day great, man. He goes, all right. So I'm not a dick. Just not, you know, in my head. I'm like, he'll invite me in for a cognac. Of course we'll talk about John.

[C]

Yeah. Hey, Jim, Want to come in? I'm sure this has never happened to you, but I'm a young comedian who wants to talk about your more talented dead brother. Would you like to do that?

[B]

I still a couple chewy bars from Crafty. If. If you're looking to tie one off. Wait, no. So then. So I dropped. I had to walk.

[C]

Great career though. He's got. He was Curly suit. I loved him in Fucking man or no.

[B]

No.

[C]

Thief. He's so good in Thief. You've seen it? Michael Mann? No, early Michael, man.

[B]

Awesome.

[C]

It's James Kahn is playing a thief. Dude, you'd. It's a great movie.

[B]

Okay, cool.

[C]

If you like Michael, man, you'd like it. She's in there.

[B]

Yeah, Belushi's great. Michael Mann's great. Didn't Michael Mann do the New Turtles?

[C]

No, that was Michael Bay.

[B]

How often does that happen? Michael Bay and Michael Mann constantly confused.

[C]

Michael, man.

[B]

I'm gonna host that show. Michael or Michael? We take all. All right, Real quick game, quick. Rank who you think the most famous Michaels are. I want five in no particular order. Give me five of the most famous Michaels, Jackson, Jordan.

[C]

Right off the bat. Great in one and two.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Still might be Tyson.

[B]

Wow. Especially after his.

[C]

He's in the zeitgeist. That now happened, you know, at this point, three months ago, four months ago, something like that. But it's still hanging on here in February as we're is still on the tip of everyone's lips.

[B]

I heard he's going to fight Orlando Jones, the old 7up guy. Yeah, okay.

[C]

I believe so. Yes. Okay. That's three mics right off the bat.

[B]

Could throw a few your way if you're.

[C]

Yeah, who else?

[B]

Yeah, I'm trying to think of act. I mean, Keaton. Keaton maybe. But I mean.

[C]

I mean these are not. Was a big drop off in terms. And I love Michael Keaton, but these are three of the most famous guys.

[B]

Sound like you do because you're not willing to put them on a list of five. What are we.

[C]

Are we. We talking about who we like or who we think is the most famous?

[B]

You're right. I said top five mics of all time. All right. Was Rappaported. No, Rapaport.

[C]

Okay. Keaton before Rapaport.

[B]

It's the name of my memoir, actually. Keaton before Rapaport.

[C]

Michael McDonald.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, Bolton.

[B]

Bolton. Wow. I'd go McDonald before Bolton.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is the follow up, but Bolton had a.

[C]

Had a higher peak maybe. This is awesome podcasting and I love it, by the way. Not saying, sorry if I took us.

[B]

Down a road that is a little dusty, but I want.

[C]

I want to be very clear. I am going to keep us on this road.

[B]

Okay, great.

[C]

Because I now I need to know. And I'm. By the way, don't look it up. Eldis. We're going to do this the old fashioned way, Michaels. Okay. Okay.

[D]

You don't got to tell me to not pull up something in time.

[C]

That's true. That's what you're best at. Your best producing skill. Not jumping on it and moving the show.

[B]

Real sidebar. What's a better song to get slippery with? Taking it to the streets or butterfly kisses?

[C]

Taking it to the streets. Yeah, that's too correct. Now let's stay on chest. Now if it's just Michaels and it doesn't have to be real, guys, I would argue Michael Corleone is more famous of a concept. As a guy. Can they be fictional? Because if so, I'm going Michael Corleone.

[B]

And if we're going fictional, Michaels, I'm gonna have to throw Michael's arts and crafts in there and I'm not sponsored by him.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, that's not bad.

[B]

Okay, so that's the five, the actor one. There's probably way more than we're even thinking about.

[C]

Eldest. Look up five most famous Michaels.

[B]

Oh, my God, here we go. I got one for you. Wait, J. Fox.

[C]

Michael J. Fox. Good one.

[B]

I went and saw the Back to the Future musical. The story gets better about a month and a half ago, and it made me go back and watch the movie and man, he's.

[C]

He's awesome.

[B]

Just one of the best dude. And then it made me want to go, oh, I should watch Life with Mikey. Then I should watch Greed. Do you ever see that?

[C]

I've never seen greed.

[B]

It's a wild 80s movie. That's one of those, like big ensemble cast, I want to say, like Amanda pizza. It's just a lot of bangers. They're all basically Phil Hartman, I believe is in it. And they're all fighting over the grandpa, it's about to die and leave a ton of money.

[C]

And so it's all like, sounds fun.

[B]

Wild, crazy, it's like Rat Race. But you see. Rat Race.

[C]

Love Rat Race.

[B]

It's like Rat Race, but they're fighting over Grandpa's money.

[C]

Love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But no seth Green or Mr.

[C]

Okay, well, then you lost me. No Mr. Bean. I love Rat Race. He's just doing. He's just doing Mr. Bean. Yeah, it's like. But it's not a Mr. Bean movie. No, that should not. Oh, Michael Phelps. I'm a Michael Douglas.

[D]

That was a huge oversight.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't believe you left me off the list, by the way. Never tried a Michael Douglas before.

[C]

That wasn't bad. Fresh coming in, taking a three. No warmup. That's not bad, dude. Okay, here we go. Yeah, Michael. Okay. Michael Schumacher. Maybe not for us, but in the world. Yeah, probably Bloomberg. I'm going. I would. I would. I would. With no disrespect to Michael's arts and crafts, I would put Michael Phelps up there.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Because the Olympics is such a global thing, and he's got. Come on.

[B]

Well, I know I have to give a quick story for my boy Norm. We were at the Super Bowl. We got into that shack. Carnival Cruise, Jamba Juice. Jamba Juice party, whatever. Bragging it was. No, it was. By the way, we definitely got denied multiple times with our wristbands before we actually got in. So hold your thought. Put your pants back on, Jack.

[C]

Carnival Cruise at the Super Bowl. Sounds fun.

[B]

It was wild. Chase Walkers were there, I think, or guys that look like them. And. And. And. And Phelps walks by. My buddy Norman was like, I just got to go say something to him, because we're in an area where, you know, I don't think he was going to a way more private area. At least we were in the beginning area that was like, all right, like.

[C]

You might catch him.

[B]

Yeah. And so Norm goes up and goes. He goes, michael or no, he goes, hey, Mike. Because, hey, it's all right. But, you know, and I wish I could remember where Norm is from. And. And in. In Baltimore. And he goes, you know, we went to, I think, same high schoolers this grew up in the same street, or they got a hand job from the same babysitter. Whatever.

[C]

The story was both molested by the same.

[B]

Yes, that's what. Sorry, Norm. Every. Every story's got to be told at some point. Which is. Which is. Which is the prequel to Keaton before Rapaport.

[C]

That's a great question. If you got molested by the same woman as a Olympian, would you bring it up as a fun fact or what? Do you think? I don't. I think maybe your closest friends.

[B]

Funny, dude. God, comedy's awesome. Cuz that's such a funny. Like, would you bring it up? Would you go, hey, Mike.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We grew up in the same place. Oh, cool, man. I'm not done. Yeah, we actually both got fingered by the same man.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no. That you don't bring up.

[B]

Oh, that you don't bring up.

[C]

If it's a woman, then you have a little more grain.

[B]

Let me finish my story.

[C]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

A man with tits.

[C]

Okay, well, still a man.

[B]

Sorry.

[C]

Okay. All right, Joe Rogan. But yeah, a woman with a dick.

[B]

I'm listening.

[C]

But a man with tits. You know?

[B]

And anyway, to the bridegroom. Boy, that was the weirdest speech. Does this guy even know the couple? By the way, I would love to see you in that movie where it's like, it's like a Wedding Crashers type movie. And I'd want you to be in the whole thing. And I think you would, because I think the direct. But you, like, you know those opening. I think in Wedding Crashers even had it. Or where. Or maybe it's old school where. Yes, it's old school where somebody's giving a speech. Right? Well, yeah. Anyway, you just will be great in that part. But no. So he goes up and he goes, mike, same area, blah, blah. And he goes, it's Michael.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Walked away now, look, I don't like to share these stories.

[C]

You know what? Bleep that out. Michael Phelps is a friend of the program. Is he? He's from Baltimore.

[B]

Yeah, well, that's. I was gonna follow that up with. I never. I'm too savvy and privy to the world of the biz in life to not judge anything off of one experience. Yeah, so. So normal came back. But we can also take that out.

[C]

No, no, I'm kidding. We're not taking it out.

[B]

Okay, cool. Phelps.

[C]

No, hey, take that out.

[B]

Is he really a friend of the program?

[C]

I, I mean, we're. He's a Baltimore.

[B]

Awesome.

[C]

You know, I, I, we're both Ravens guys.

[B]

You know what it was, too, is Norm was just so. It's one of those things.

[C]

Can I tell you something? Yeah, I get it fully.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

As a, like, you know, like to be. You're like, all right, I'm at Shaq's party.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

No drunky idiot from Baltimore is coming up to me.

[B]

Totally.

[C]

I mean, how much has that happened? He's just trying to fucking unwind.

[B]

Totally, totally.

[C]

You know, he's like, dude, you want to talk about? I used to get. You ever go to Pasta Mistas in Towson?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He's like, I don't. I am the most decorated Olympian of all time.

[B]

I have gold medals. You think I'm eating marinara?

[C]

I have experienced things you can't even dream of.

[B]

When he. When he got busted for pot, that made me so happy. Greg, Geraldo, RIP My favorite comic, had an amazing joke about it where he was like, Michael Phelps, you know, got busted for marijuana. And, you know, kids are very valuable, and you can't smoke a little weed and be the best swimmer of all time, you know?

[C]

Oh, what.

[E]

What's that sound? My favorite noise, folks. The Shopify Cha Ching. Somebody just purchased something on the Stavi Biz store. Before we had Shopify, we were in the dark ages. I was selling merch out of my trunk. I didn't keep statistics. I didn't do anything. I probably lost money on those shirts. I was giving them away because I didn't feel like taking them home with me after a weekend of sales, after a weekend of shows. Not anymore. Shopify is incredible, Keeps track of everything. So easy for us, so easy for our customers. Our sales are through the roof. We're talking calendars. We got new T shirts coming up. Whatever your business is, you want to use the number one checkout in the world, go with our. Go with our friends over at Shopify, upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com stavi all lowercase s T, A, v, D V y. Go to shopify.comstavi to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.comstavi and how was the rest of the.

[C]

How was Shaq's. The rest of Shaq's carnival?

[B]

It was chill. Shaq wasn't there. Surprise. Spoiler alert.

[C]

Didn't dj. He was busy.

[B]

He might have at some point, but we were. I mean, it was one of those. It was a big campground type situation. A lot of booths, a lot of, you know, little bars and carnival games and stuff. It was cool. It was cool to go be. I've been to one super bowl when my Seahawks played the Broncos in 2013 and routed them in New York when it was. We were heavily unfavored. Yeah. Everybody was like, peyton, there's no way. The Papa John air.

[C]

I remember.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I remember going to that game, like my friend. No, no. I remember, like, going to a Super bowl party.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

And being like, here we Go. Actually, Peter Muth's house. Eldis, a friend of the program. Peter Muth, a different guy from Baltimore that's not even close to winning gold medals, but whose house I used to get high in all the time we were just fucking setting up shop. He has this huge projector, and it's a fucking laugher. But that's a good one to go to as a Seahawks fan.

[B]

Huge. It was an overwhelming sea of orange. And so we're like. But I kept seeing Hawk fans in the streets in Times Square the whole weekend, everywhere, doing a weekend of shows at Gotham. And then a friend of ours. A friend of mine from college let. Her folks had a apartment in Manhattan that was just like they had for family and friends, and they got some cash, and so we stayed there. My buddy Brad Williams is a diehard Broncos fan. So we. We said at the beginning of the season, if our teams go, because they were both looking pretty good.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Then we're gonna go. And lo and behold. And then to my buddies from Seattle went. So I have this great picture of all three of us, because once it was. It was, I think, seven, 19, nothing. I think it.

[C]

Oh, it was crazy.

[B]

At half 15, nothing. That's right. And then Brad's like, all right, one score. We're back in it. And then Percy Harvin runs it back, and I have this picture of Brad looking sad off into the distance like this, and me going with him in it. And I remember, and I show it to him, and he goes, you know, if you po Post that, it's seven years bad luck. You can't ever post that. Midgets look sad at Super Bowls. That's such a good. Because he was. He was such a good sport because he was like, this sucks. He's like, but it's not even a game. So he's like, it's not even fun.

[C]

Yeah, it's not. You can't even.

[B]

We made it fun. But, like, you know, losing. Yeah, that's. I mean, winning.

[C]

That must have felt great, though.

[B]

So that first you want to see your.

[C]

Your team route another team?

[B]

I think so, yeah. I mean, yeah, you don't want it close.

[C]

You want to be like, yeah, you.

[B]

But all the people that watched were like, it was a boring Super Bowl. I was like. I was unbelievable. We just kept scoring. And that first snap that went over Peyton's head. The whole place went nuts. And that's when it was like, oh, there's a ton of Seattle people here. There's my fourth grade teacher. There's my stepdad's best friend. There's the guy that G. That dated my mom for three months and gave me a saxophone with a wet reed that I think he found off the freeway because he was trying to buy my love and impress my mom and. And. And. And. And get me to go from clarinet to sax, which wasn't even his call because I never said I had an interest in the saxophone. He just pushed Kenny G on me.

[C]

Oh, wow. He was there, huh?

[B]

Yeah, Howard.

[C]

Howard was there.

[B]

I have a problem with saying full names of people from my past.

[C]

We'll believe it.

[B]

No, no, keep it.

[C]

Keep it. Did it work out with Howard and your mom?

[B]

No, she's not with George.

[C]

Shout out George.

[B]

George is second dad. I don't even say stepdad. I introduced him as dad now, and wow, I did it once.

[C]

How's your biological father feel about that?

[B]

He'll come out of this guy's balls to the bride and groom.

[C]

This guy. I was in his jizz. Like, that's not true.

[B]

Can you imagine that? Your kid getting to that point to where, like, you know, maybe if we have kids, like, your son wants to be a comedian, and, like, that's his style of humor. And you're out and about and you're like, I do like that. He's, like, always throwing darts. He's always putting up shots, but he's just bad at reading the room.

[C]

I would not like a son like that.

[B]

Me neither.

[C]

That would actually be my biggest fear.

[B]

My biggest. Yeah, well, getting stabbed in the middle of the night, that's big too.

[C]

I would rather have a wildly mentally ill son than, like, an open micro that can't turn it off. That, to me, would hurt me. Like, if my son had to be hospitalized, I'd be like, well, fucking. We're gonna get you on the right meds, dude. Yeah, we're gonna figure this out. But if he's in the green room and he's doing his act to other comedians, pretending it's just something he thought of, I would rather. I would be like, you are not my son. Get a real job. Quit comedy, or you're not allowed to come to fucking Thanksgiving.

[B]

We'll be right back. You're not allowed to come to Thanksgiving. Is that is also like, man. And he's like, but I live with you. Well, not on that day.

[C]

Legitimately. No, you don't.

[B]

Legitimately, you don't.

[C]

That is funny. What. What kind of child I. And, you know, I'm obviously joking. You come to Thanksgiving, whatever. But that is literally the biggest nightmare scenario. Like, we all have our own. Like the way an old school immigrant dad doesn't want, like, a. A gay artist.

[B]

Right.

[C]

You know what I mean? Like.

[B]

Like. Like a sandwich artist or like a.

[C]

Yeah, I would say any kind.

[B]

Yes, you can be gay, but not work at Subway. Who is that? Anyway, you get the point. I tried to. I thought this and I thought that, and I just met in the middle for neither one.

[C]

Nothing wrong with that. Dude, it's okay.

[B]

But, yeah, they don't want a gay artist, but.

[C]

Well, you know what I'm saying. Like, there's different versions of who. What would disappoint you the most? Like the classic Internet thing of gay son, thought daughter.

[B]

Right.

[C]

Neither one of those would bother me. I would love a gay son.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

My daughter's throwing it around. Good for her. I don't fucking care as long as she's being treated well.

[B]

You know, thought daughter. What do you mean by that?

[C]

Thought as in, like, oh, right, gotcha. You know what I mean?

[B]

That's. I have heard that term, but I guess I didn't know the deaf. Yes, it means slutty daughter.

[C]

Thought yes means kind of like.

[B]

I was thinking it meant, like, thick and stout. Like maybe like a butch.

[C]

It's very bizarre because the actual etymology is that hoe over there. It's an acronym that just became its own word. Very interesting linguistic phenomenon. But anyway, having said that, that wouldn't bother. Neither one of those would bother me.

[B]

Okay, cool.

[C]

In fact, I would love a gay child in our family. I would love if you had a gay son, Eldis. I would love if you know someone, like, a fun little gay guy. Yeah, awesome.

[B]

Dancing, singing, doing magic, you know, always, you know, just keeping you up to date on, like, the latest tea and goss.

[C]

But the second he starts doing open.

[B]

Mics, doubt gay or straight, you're out. But again, I don't see color, but I do hear bad punch and just.

[C]

Not being able to turn it off. That's the worst guy of all time.

[B]

We all know those guys. There's still those guys. That's what I mean, man. Where was I recently? Florida. A kid I, like, do a guest spot that just hit me up online and.

[C]

And you're the greatest guy of all.

[B]

Time, dude, I do that all the time, dude. I do it. I do it too much.

[C]

You have to stop doing that.

[B]

I don't. I don't.

[C]

This is an intervention for you, dude. We're not even doing a podcast. I've heard you did this and I wanted to bring it up slowly. And now it's like, all right, Adam.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I'm no more open to change.

[C]

No more opening your DM requests and being like, I'm a huge fan. I've been doing comedy through three and a half months.

[B]

Sometimes it's three and a half minutes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, you're ready. Come to the DC Improv tonight. You're hosting and featuring.

[C]

Great club.

[B]

Great club. I did a. A weekend there once and we closed it out, you know, obviously, staff is great. Legendary club. Good hang after if you. If you're into that. Sometimes just staying in the green room and hot boxing that for three, four hours.

[C]

Sure. One night, Antoine.

[B]

Shout out to Antoine, man. We sat in the main showroom, though, and put on Mitch Hedberg's album. They recorded there and hotbox the main room with cocktails. And it. It was awesome.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

And I. I had somehow brought it up because I was talking about when I first. I'd say a year before I started staying up in 07. In 06, I was driving from LA. I went to school out here. So I drive to Lawful, Nevada, where my dad was living, working at the VA clinic. And I went to Amoeba Music and bought just a Bunch of comedy CDs to listen to because I was like, oh, I think I want to do. I just was. But I was just. I was into it as a fan, and then. I don't remember that.

[C]

I was in that same zone.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if I was doing it to study or whatever. I just was like, I want to just listen to a bunch. And that was kind of my, you know, intro into getting some enthusiasm for it. And I had, you know, a Seinfeld's thing and then Ray Romano's Carnegie hall one. Robin Williams, uh, a, uh, Geraldo, obviously a Regan one, uh, a Gaffin one. Uh, David. A bunch of David Cross ones.

[C]

Bigger and blacker.

[B]

Yep, up. Yes. Cat Williams won. And then who was I just talking about? Oh, Sinbad won, by the way. Who's unbelievable?

[C]

Hedberg.

[B]

You're talking Hedberg. And ever was one. And it was that one from. From dc. And so then we brought it up and he was like, let's put it on. And I was like, I didn't even think of that. It was just a cool comedy thing to go. Like, you forget that. And also, you know, once you get to your headlines, your weekend, you have a little bit more. And not that it's like, I can't believe he got to decide what to put on the CD player. Hey, you guys.

[C]

This guy did an hour of stand up twice. And you know what he wanted to do? Throw on more. Stand up with the wait staff who was just trying to get home. Like, yeah, we could. Yeah, we could throw it on at him.

[B]

You play your cards right, you too can piss off a whole bunch of people. That works hard for you for not as much money.

[C]

No, I'm sure they were having a great time.

[B]

No, they were. I. Yeah, I'm pretty good about.

[C]

No, I'm fucking. We think you're the greatest guy of all time. They had a good time.

[B]

Relax.

[C]

Don't fucking start. Don't have a fucking panic attack, man. Pod's going good. I was fully kidding. I literally know that.

[B]

Get him a briefcase. Call Sam. Sam tonight.

[C]

They all had a great time. Oh, my God, dude, that's fucking. So, okay, we've made a little couple allusions. So what is the family situation? Your dad's at the VA clinic.

[B]

My dad was there, yeah. My dad was a doctor. He was a cardiovascular vascular surgeon when I was young. Oh, wow. And then he and my mom split, and then he stopped doing that. He started with his new family. They moved to Kwajalen off the South Pacific, and then they moved to Taos, New Mexico, then Chelan, Washington, then Arizona. In the army now with Pauly Shore. Yeah.

[C]

Was he. Was he, like, a.

[B]

No, he was a. He was, uh, a doctor. Uh, uh, for the. I mean, open heart surgeon. Right. So he's balling with that.

[C]

So he could swing his dick around and go wherever he wanted, basically.

[B]

Pretty much, yeah. And then.

[C]

Which was away from you, it sounds like.

[B]

Yes. I never got taught how to do that because he was gone.

[C]

Because I heard of the South Pacific and his new family, which is a wild phrase for a divorce.

[B]

Not if you were raised in Lake Forest Park, Washington.

[C]

Is that the move? A lot of. A lot of dads like, all right, Mulligan. I'm calling this one a Mulligan. Gonna get a 10 years younger wife and maybe a slightly less fat son.

[B]

Oh, my God. Yeah, he upgraded for sure on that front.

[C]

Because I have seen you were a chubby boy, which I love.

[B]

Oh, man. I just, you know. And that kid never goes away. But, yeah, I was. What picture did you see? The one with me and Kendall Gill, sideline of the songs game. There's a picture if you look it up. Adam Ray, Kendall Gill. And my mom, she was like, dad's gone. Let's go to the Sonics game. I was like, great swap. And we go down early to watch the pre game. The warm ups. There it is. First one. I look like a lesbian.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Zoom in on that. I'm wearing a Venice beach pullover.

[C]

You look like Jimmy Kimmel's lesbian daughter.

[B]

Yeah, that's Sharon Kimmel. Wait, scroll down to the hands. Scroll down to the hands.

[C]

He's holding your index finger. You know what the kind of grasp is that?

[B]

Yeah, people have photoshopped that with prom backgrounds.

[C]

That's five years. What a good guy Kendall Gill is, huh?

[B]

Oh, a buddy of mine got a cameo from me for my birthday last year and then sent him the picture. And he's commented on it a few times.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

And, and he's like just with, wow.

[C]

Wow. Then it's like, get this. Take this down.

[B]

Yeah, take this down. Take this down. Take this down. Somebody call Tex, take this down.

[C]

But yeah, so your lips are glistening too. That's interesting.

[B]

Yeah, that's birds beeswax. I don't know.

[C]

The light is hitting them just right.

[B]

But my mom.

[C]

You honestly look like you could have turned into a very. A very handsome woman in this picture.

[B]

Thank you. Yeah, so the, the, the. The shirt, like, like, by the way, it's so like probably hot in that arena. And I'm like, just more layers.

[C]

Hide these titties.

[B]

These titties. By the way, that's the slogan when you are a young boy. Like that. Hide these titties.

[C]

That was you talking to, man. You talking to two very fat children.

[B]

Swam in the. Swam in the pool with my shirt on for. And up until I met you and we swam in the pool. That was the first time I took.

[C]

It off this year at Fully Loaded.

[B]

That was awesome.

[C]

That was a good time.

[B]

I can't believe that's where we met. That.

[C]

That is crazy. Crazy.

[B]

Like, I feel like we're hanging right now. Like we've been, you know, knowing each other for a while, but that's, you know, that's how this goes sometimes it happens. Yeah, but that was wild because it was, you know, those shows, there's always a hang after. Some are just. They're all cool. That one was just exceptional because it was like pool and pool, the indoor, outdoor part of it. And like just drinks and weed being brought to you and like. Well, being in a pool late night after the show is just not a normal thing, right?

[C]

Just us in your head. You're like, dude, pool after a show is gon be around. It was literally me and you like.

[B]

We had to yell for more people to come in because after a while, after a while I was like. So anyway, that's when my dad left. That's how I wasn't. According to Jim and Cy, like, Burke, get in the pool.

[C]

We truly were like on a date. It was like a really. It would have been a really cute. Like 216 year olds on a date, like at a party, like go off to the side and like make a connection.

[B]

It's our two sons in the movie about you and I having two comedian sons.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

After we've talked about on a podcast that we never want that to happen. And the opening scene in them meeting at a party.

[C]

Yep. That's cute, man. Write it up. Elders, you transcribing all this?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Great.

[D]

I got. I got Chad GPT working on the script as we speak.

[B]

Wonderful.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

I mean, you ain't lying, man. That's a real. It's not crazy. That's someone's. People have got to already be doing that, right?

[C]

Yeah, but it's.

[B]

But it's also. You can't.

[C]

It's going to be bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

You know, folks, I wasn't always this uber talented comedic genius you see before you.

[C]

I used to bomb a lot.

[E]

Not every joke used to deliver. Some might argue a lot of my.

[C]

Jokes still don't deliver.

[E]

Quiet don't. It doesn't matter what you think.

[C]

But you know what always delivers?

[E]

Harry's. Harry's incredible shave products. And not just shave products, body care. Hair care that delivers, baby. Right now you get a $13 trial set for just three bucks at Harry's.com Stavi we're huge Harry's fans here. We have been even before they were advertising with us. I use for my, you know, I like a little light hold cream that they got going on. Eldis uses their body wash on the road.

[C]

I just.

[E]

I just shaved up with Harry's.

[C]

Actually. I was.

[E]

I was looking a little scruffy. I put that beautiful premium German engineering handle. These guys bought a factory to make beautiful razors that you can't get over here.

[C]

We're talking true, true.

[E]

They went to Germany. They said that's where they got the good steel. They look, they did the homework.

[C]

I don't know the ins and outs. They got a beautiful factory.

[E]

They're making beautiful heavy German engineered blades. And I'm looking nice and clean compared to what I was before thanks to Harry's. On this tour that I'm about to kick off. Harry's gonna be in my travel Bag. I guarantee you that my friends and I want you to shave just like me.

[C]

Face nuts.

[E]

Whatever you want to shave. Use a hairish product. You want to tame your hair. Use some of Harry's beautiful hair care products, their body wash. Whatever you want to do.

[C]

I haven't been up on the deodorant.

[E]

I'm going to try that this tour. I'm going to get some Harry's deodorant. I want you to do the same. Get the shaving products that always deliver. Get Harry's. Normally their trial set is 13 bucks, but right now you can get it for just $3 at Harrys.comThavi H A R R Y-S.comS T A V-Y that's our exclusive link. Harry's.comStavi for a $3 trial set.

[B]

My brother in law, Dirty, he's a white rapper. You can look him up. I always go give him a little extra plug.

[C]

Shout out to Dirty.

[B]

Shout out to Dirty.

[C]

Yeah, let's find his music.

[B]

He'll pitch me sometimes like, yo, it's Sander Bullock, Denzel, they're on the moon.

[C]

Is that him?

[B]

There he is, baby.

[C]

Fucking hot guy. He's smashing your sis.

[B]

Yeah, my sister's getting fucked by Dirty.

[C]

Dirtay's fucking. Dirty's fucking putting his hat to the side and getting all up in those guts. You know, the hat stays on when he. Your sister, right?

[B]

At first we were definitely like, he was new. It was new sheriff in town. It was like uncle versus stepdad. And then. And now he's like, you know, we're the greatest. And he's big. Sports comedy, also the grind. He. I think I used to joke too, when we first met. I was like, yeah, he's in the bloods and the Crips and. And. And he. All the song titles I would say were like passive aggressive. Of aggressive passive. Where they were like. They were, you know, two on the nose about what was happening behind closed doors. It was like, is this my life? Should I stick it out? Hashtag marriage? You know, watch your back, Adam. You know, just all these songs that were just making me afraid to go see him live, you know, but he's. What's crazy is he's really good and he's almost got like a white DMX to him.

[C]

Shout out to Dirty.

[B]

I brought him up.

[C]

White dmx. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, good for you, man. You're a loving brother in law.

[B]

Yeah, but it's also. I remember when I first started doing jokes about him, he was like, he's like, yo, man, got chill with some of that stuff.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, I have been given a come on dirty. Like, how many comedians have a white rapper brother in law? That's not Eminem. I have to talk about you.

[C]

That's awesome. Where. So how many siblings do you have?

[B]

So I grew up with just my sister. When folks split, they had two more with. She already had one, so three half brothers. And then my stepdad has a daughter and son, but they're all. I don't even again, it's like saying half at this point, you're like, I'm close with all of them.

[C]

So just. But so obviously you love your sister more, but. Yeah, obviously. Look, one, there's a guy, he's gonna shoot everybody. Yeah. You dive in front of one person.

[B]

So it's a dumb and dumber. Okay.

[C]

Kill him.

[B]

She touched my leg. We played in this stuff. Well, that might be that. There's so many quotable lines in that movie, but that one is like, just the. How quickly.

[C]

Yeah. Kill him.

[B]

Kill him.

[C]

I mean, they. They turn on each other. It's so. I mean, that movie is the best.

[B]

My favorite movie of all time.

[C]

That's a great. That's a very good choice.

[B]

I love you. I went around saying that for a bit, and then people were like, drama or comedy? And then I. And the first time that follow up was still on my way. I go, yeah, I just. I'm gonna pick one.

[C]

Good for you.

[B]

I was tired of being in conversations at parties where people were like, what's your favorite movie? And I was like, have you seen it? As Good as It Gets with Greg Kinnear.

[C]

As Good as it Gets. I mean, that's.

[B]

But it's not my favorite.

[C]

That. That's the one that you're like, all right, I need to be taken seriously. I can't be done with that.

[B]

What is a Greg Kinnear classic? Siri, What's a Greg Kinnear classic?

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Where does Greg Kinnear play? A caricature of a homosexual. What movie is that?

[B]

That's right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Cuba Gooding. Yeah. And Jack. Oh, that's right. Jack Nielsen's like, here.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Remember he drops a couple hard Fs?

[B]

Oh, he does.

[C]

He does.

[B]

Take your little gay dog and back to the P. F. Changs where he sucks your dick. I'm gonna Helen Hunt in the back of a Porsche. Or at least I'm gonna die trying. Hey, where's your black art friend? It's. He still black. I haven't seen the movie.

[D]

But I just rewatched it a couple years ago. That's not far off from what it is.

[C]

It's not subtle.

[B]

What a wild. And that was a not Nancy.

[C]

He won an Oscar for it.

[B]

Jack won the best actor. I think Helen.

[D]

That was like the biggest movie of the year when they came out. When I rewatched it, I was like, am I crazy? Like, this is horrible.

[B]

Sucks.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And I think I want to say Kinnear won best supporting actor and I think Helen Hunt won best supporting actor.

[C]

No, they swept it off that they swept award.

[D]

It was he huge.

[C]

I remember it was a huge movie.

[B]

But for OCD people too.

[C]

Really? He was OCD or something?

[B]

I'm just making small talk. Yeah, that probably.

[D]

That probably was part of it too.

[B]

He was ocd though.

[C]

No, I don't remember. I don't remember that.

[B]

All right. Send you a link.

[C]

I up. I that up. I'm supposed to be the host.

[B]

I And I.

[C]

And I've lost my position of authority on the program by not knowing it was about ocd. That's fucking hilarious. But I think that's a great point because no one why can't. And you're right. I am guilty of this. And I've dedicated my life to comedy. But even I. When I think of my favorite movies in my, like, top four, I don't think about putting a. I almost see them as separate. Like, oh, these are good movies. Like, you know what I mean? Like Heat. Fucking. I don't fucking know. It's late.

[B]

Land Before Time.

[C]

Good. Yeah. Good fellows. Land before time.

[B]

6 Airbud 92 Girls 1 Cup but you're right.

[C]

Why don't I fucking. Why don't I fucking give comedy its due diligence?

[B]

Because the industry doesn't.

[C]

Dumb and Dumber is a great choice.

[D]

I've always said Dumb and Dumber is my favorite.

[C]

Fucking relax.

[B]

I have.

[D]

You've got to be kidding me. You know, I have. I've been saying that my whole life.

[C]

Your favorite movie or your favorite comic comedy?

[D]

Favorite movie. I've just been watching it since I.

[C]

Stop trying to impress Adam. Dude.

[D]

I have. Anyone who knows me. I'm not sucking Adam's cog here.

[B]

You gotta believe in yourself.

[C]

No, it's true.

[B]

You.

[C]

Actually, that is true. You.

[D]

You know what it is?

[C]

I watched Dumb and Dumber at your house. You introduced me to it. I admit. All this. Yes.

[D]

I watch it from so young every single year. I, like, rewatched it. Like, you just notice a new joke.

[C]

That you no It's. It's incredible. It's incredible.

[D]

Like, I grew with it that.

[B]

Well, there's. I mean, you know, they've constantly been trying. They just got, what, comedy into the Grammy, Cate. You know, shuffle. But yeah, there's no reason Eddie Murphy for Nutty professor should have won something for that.

[C]

Love that. I know.

[B]

They won makeup for it, I believe. Yeah, but that's wild. It. It. It's one of the reasons that made me start wanting to. Around and even with, like, playing characters and stuff, because I was so. Eddie Murphy was the first standup I saw.

[C]

You saw the clubs. You're like, you're moved to tears. You're like, I know what I want to do for the rest of my life.

[B]

First of all, stop looking like all of them.

[C]

Elvis. Look up the year Nutty professor came out and let's see who won the Oscars and let's decide if he deserved it more than whoever won or whoever was nominated. Not the original 1963, you fucking dunce.

[B]

There we go.

[C]

Because I remember this was huge. The Dave. When Dave Chappelle. I remember.

[B]

Oh, Chappelle was ranking on Jada Pinkett.

[C]

Yep. 1996 was that.

[B]

I want to say that's Jerry Maguire year.

[C]

Oh, Braveheart is a banger. Let's look.

[B]

They swept too, huh?

[C]

Let's look up who got best actor.

[B]

That's probably Mel for Braveheart, right? Pacino for Son of a Woman. No.

[C]

Oh, that's hilarious.

[B]

Cage for leaving in 96 was. Cage for leaving Las Vegas.

[C]

Oh, damn. Yeah, that's better than. That's not even close. Let's see who's nominated. Yeah, it's not looking good for you, man. Leaving Las Vegas was awesome.

[B]

Oh, you mean. Yeah, but Eddie Murphy played his mom and his grandma.

[C]

Yeah, he farted his six different people. Did Nick Cage do that?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Why are you looking at up Nutty Professor?

[B]

Wa.

[C]

Who. Any Oscars? Is that what.

[B]

Yeah, because they did. They did win some. What do they want, like, makeup?

[D]

I'm just checking.

[C]

No, no, but see who was nominated for best actor in 1996.

[B]

Nick Cage is just. I hope he never stops showing up at everything.

[C]

Yeah, he's just. I don't think he will. Yeah, he loves acting, dude. And he seems to, like, be frivolous with his money. Who do we got that?

[D]

Anthony Hopkins for Nixon.

[B]

Richard Dreyfus for Mr. Holland's opus.

[D]

Yeah, Massimo.

[B]

You don't like Holland's Opus?

[C]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Wait, who the is Massimo? Tracy? Il Postino. The Postman.

[B]

No, there was always. There's always one movie like that that everyone's like, what the is this?

[C]

And I don't know. Dead Man Walking. Sean Penn. I don't. You know that movie?

[B]

No.

[C]

Anyway, who gives a.

[D]

That's crazy.

[B]

Yeah, Sean Penn had a nice little run where he was like, after he won for I Am Sam, and then he got. Remember that?

[C]

He won for I Am Sam?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

No, he didn't.

[B]

We played the guy with down syndrome. And Michelle Pfeiffer was like, he won. Michelle Pfeiffer was like, you know, if you weren't so slow, I, I'd suck that little.

[C]

And then he pulled out his donkey.

[B]

Yeah. And then she was like, I changed my mind.

[C]

I changed my mind.

[B]

And then credits.

[C]

Yeah, I see where all these extra, the, the extra cells didn't go to your brain. They went to this fucking, this fucking hog. He won. That's fucking nuts.

[B]

Oh, 2001.

[C]

I won't even do the impression because it feels like, yeah, you will be annoyed. That's fucking hilarious. Damn, dude.

[B]

How's your movie doing?

[C]

It's doing all right. You know, it's been out since October. It's now February. It's going fine. It might be on Hulu by now, hopefully.

[B]

Great.

[C]

If not, take this part out. Elvis.

[B]

Was the experience cool?

[C]

Yeah, it was cool.

[B]

Not to get all Billy Bush on you, but.

[C]

No, it was cool. It was cool. I, I, you know, I liked it. I'd like to be in a movie.

[B]

You will.

[C]

So we, you know, we got to take questions first. But I just. So I just walk me through a little more of fat. Little Adam. When did you stop being fat?

[B]

So my grandpa said, you know, you can't wear sweatpants at your bar mitzvah. That was fucked up. And that definitely. You could have just said, don't get seconds tonight. Yeah, or chew slower. I don't know. But. And so then I just, you know.

[C]

I was so bar mitzvah.

[B]

We're talking 13, 1395. And, you know, I, I, I don't. I'm glad I went to. Being the fat kid was how I became the funny kid, because eventually I started. I didn't know I was fat until you get. I was such a happy go lucky kid that unless people were making fun or saying things, that's. Take when you get signs from the outside world. That's when you're like, oh, maybe I do need to shave a few off until, like, my, you know, friend's dad would be like, hey, when you're Done sucking on that Pop Tart? You got time for a titty? I'd be like, I actually don't, Dan, but you're letting me know I might have a problem. So circle gets a square, right? So. So. But then I. Then I had some good friends finally, like, throwing some. Some Hail Marys on first down. And I was like, man, this sucks. And then I was so active that I just stopped eating. Stop dipping meatballs in Cool Whip and just eating pasta and salads for, I don't know, two months. I just. I lost probably £40 in two months. And it was sixth grade into seventh grade.

[C]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And when a fat kid loses anyway, it spreads like wild. Wow. Sure, I remember Wildfire. I remember I was at the sixth grade party, and my teacher, Mrs. Greenland, who was also a big gal and her last name was Greenland, and she threw shade on me for being big. Big.

[C]

A fat teacher made fun of a fat child.

[B]

Yeah, she. Well, here's what she said. She goes, we're at the sixth grade party and there's snacks galore, right? Sixth grade. You're graduating sixth grade. They're like, dude, somebody goes, dude, in 20 years, you can put on Mitch Hedberg at the DC Improv. Everyone's just like, dude, like, life rules. We're gonna be seventh graders soon. And then every snack food, right? We're all doing, like, potato sack races and, you know, all the. And I remember I walk in and there's three moms in there and my teacher and the mom chaperones. And I remember, I just. Hey, guys. Pam, Susan, Barb. And let's look around. They're, like, watching me like, what's he gonna eat?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

He's probably gonna wrap that pizza around the Kit Kat. And I'm just like, you know. And then I kind of pick up a seller's dick and I hear them go. And I was like. I was like. And then Ms. Greenland goes. I'll never forget this. What a wild thing to say. But, Ray, there's pizza right there. I'm not even joking, dude. I wish I was joking. What a wild.

[C]

Are you okay? Are you feeling okay?

[B]

There's pizza right there.

[C]

That's awesome.

[B]

And I was just like. And I remember. I remember hearing that and being like, amelie embarrassed. And Amelie just being like. Because that was. I was like, is that okay to say to a kid? And then I was like, but I just scrambled it. And I just gotta go, oh, yeah. I go, no. I just, you know, starting slow, starting with the carrots or my umbrella. Beza like some dumb joke to be like, you're making it weird for me right now.

[C]

Did you want the celery? Would you just feel. Did you just feel judged by the ladies looking at you? What was going on there? Why didn't you have the pizza?

[B]

I wanted the pizza.

[C]

Yeah, you wanted the pizza.

[B]

I wanted the pizza. But I couldn't wear sweatpants in my.

[C]

More m. I see, I see.

[B]

And then. Yeah, but, but I was. That's when I got to be the funny kid. Cuz then, like, I think that's why I started chasing comedy because I, you know, I wasn't trying to do it, but I like to impersonate friends. And I'd prank call certain buddies from class with other buddies because I could mimic their voice as well. And I would recite Ace Ventura was another one of my favorite movies. And I would memorize monologues from it and do them on the bus to my friends just to make them laugh. I just like how this. I don't know even why I thought to do that.

[C]

No, dude, I did that with Night at the Roxbury. I had unbelievable. I had lines of dialogue. I did them as like, as if I was just. And that was my like, here's how I'm gonna get some. And of course I didn't, I mean, no chance, but I remember that.

[B]

How many Chris Kattan monologues have gotten anybody late? Maybe a few. Maybe some Mr. Peepers lines.

[C]

If you really commit to the mango act outs. Maybe.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, you're.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So then they started. So then people were looking at me as funny kid and not fat kid. So then I was like, oh, I just got to keep doing this because a. I, I. It's just changing the narrative on how people are treating me. And also it was just, you know, like, like we're doing now. It just feels. It's just the best.

[C]

And did they come with a. A font of new confidence without being fat?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, did you get your touched more conf. Say it again.

[C]

Did you get your little prick touched finally, dude. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, man. Yeah. And. And we've had a good run, man. We've had a good run.

[C]

Cuz I do think as a fat. As a man who stayed fat until his. Until right now and probably will be for quite some time, unfortunately. I always thought like, damn, what if I just wasn't fat during high school? Would someone have sucked me off?

[B]

Wow. If you were like the, and not even like the hot football guy, just like, Yeah, I know.

[C]

Just the regular Joe.

[B]

I definitely thought about that, too. Yeah. Yeah. And I thought by then, fifth grade.

[C]

No.

[B]

But even. Well, even seventh grade, I mean, I was also. My confidence maybe a little bit more, but not really until high school, because I just was, I think, still with a fat kid mindset. So I was like, I didn't know how to be cool. And also the cool kids. There was a kid named Jesse Mo. Rip. I could say his full name.

[C]

Okay. He's dead. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Him, Coach. Wild. The amount of people from my past that are dead.

[C]

Oh, interesting coincidence.

[B]

But he.

[C]

Who's the one. Who's the one link connecting them all.

[B]

No, no. Yeah, Hilarious there. He would always wear a wife beater.

[C]

Respect.

[B]

And he would. He was about 6 3, 6 4, and really sweet guy. And he, like. I think at one point in my childhood, we lived in a similar cul de sac, so I'd see him at the bus a lot. And he always had. I don't know if he had a leg condition or something, but he always had a weird walk. Like, he just. There was a. It was. His shoulders were just up really high guy. He had, like. It was big shoulders and, like, tiny waist. But he just. I think he always smoked cigarettes for as long as I knew him. He always had somewhat of a facial hair situation and the wife beater and, like, chain wallet and just a lot. And I remember hearing, like, Jesse Mose. And first of all, his name is Jesse Mose. Dude.

[C]

Yeah. That's a fun. That's a getter's name.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

And so I remember always got mosaid the other night. Moses on it.

[B]

You would say that. And.

[C]

And so I'm gonna eat that. Mosaic style is what we would say.

[B]

Pretending to be Jesse to the girls that he was hooking up with in hopes they would just us by sounding like him. And he.

[C]

His legs might not work, but that tongue does.

[B]

I don't know what he had going on, but.

[C]

And may he rest in peace. I said him earlier.

[B]

He rested fine. Dude. He was head of Bangarang City in 7th grade.

[C]

Respect.

[B]

And so he. Yeah, he would do it. So it threw me off, though, because I was like, oh, he's getting laid. But he walks like Gumby.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I just was like, I don't know. Now I don't know what I'm supposed to do, because I was like, oh, I. That's. But that was kind of. For a little bit was my like, okay, be like that. You know, be like Mose.

[C]

And did it work for you or.

[B]

No, No, I don't think I. I didn't have the body for the White beater. I didn't have the, the legs or the calves for the strut. And I didn't have. I had some facial early on, but okay. But yeah, it was, I'd say probably high school is when I, when I started doing plays. I remember I played Danny Zuko. I quit football to play Danny Zuko in Greece. And then I got to make out with a senior at a party and I was like, that's nice. Yeah. And it was. But again, had I had any confidence and any sort of like, you know, I would have. I'm sure to this day she was like, like, why didn't you try to like even.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Take my shirt off.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. You could have been in Finger Pop City. That happened to me too. Actually. Once one of the first times I hooked up with a girl, I just didn't even consider touching her pussy. Cause I was like, well, I'm not allowed. I'm not a guy who gets pussy. I have to just touch her tits. And then the next day she was.

[B]

Like, oh my God.

[C]

It's just like, literally I didn't have the self esteem. A girl was kissing me and I was just like, I'm in high school. And I'm like, wow, Definitely could have fucking got my dick sucked.

[B]

Yeah, it is one of those things.

[C]

I just didn't believe in myself totally. But also that's a through line in my whole life. And I remember like later on, even when I was fucking, I remember this one time, this girl that I was hooking up with in Baltimore, it was like my first year of actually getting to D. And this happens when I'm 23, right. Like it took me that long to actually, you know, fuck anyone except like a long term girlfriend. And I remember being like a girl literally had my dick in her mouth and I was like, like, I wonder if she likes me. I literally had that thought. I was like, does she even like me? I'm like, you're getting blip Club that.

[B]

Gets the dancers first and last name. Dude, Candy Johnson is really cool. Yeah, I know. Well, it's. I mean I'm sure they appreciate and they being gals for any guy trying to make it happen, like to be a little more trepidatious as far as like, not like. But then I don't know. On the flip side, there's probably always girls that are like, why don't you try to do something? I'm clearly in this room with you.

[C]

But Totally. It was just a cowardice thing. It was like. And I was horny. I was just like. I didn't believe in myself more than I was horny. Which was a crazy amount of being horny.

[B]

What a while.

[C]

It took a while.

[B]

It is wild.

[C]

Low self esteem in a very specific way.

[E]

This episode of Starvizable is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah. Yeah, folks, every time I use booking.com to find a place to stay in these beautiful United States, I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. You know, the operation here at Stavi's World has gotten pretty big. I have a friend of mine that helps me book all my travel. But I was once a one man band and I was on booking.com constantly. I was doing these little, you know, these little tours. I would just get in my horrible car, drive from city to city. And with booking.com I would find nice affordable hotels or vacation spots that worked for me near where I was performing. It was always great. And it wasn't just business. I booked a beautiful little. I booked a beautiful little hotel on the beach in la, in Malibu, as.

[C]

A matter of fact, last year when.

[E]

I wanted to just blow off a little steam. Always a great experience. You're gonna love it if you use booking.com. i think you should. I really think you should. Because no matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find the stay that's ridiculously right for you. You know, you might be a scumbag. You might stay in trashier places than me.

[C]

Booking.com's got it for you. You classier than me.

[E]

They got it for you too. Are you somewhere in the middle, you goldilocks? Between trashy and high class. No matter what you want, booking.com's got it.

[C]

Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com. booking. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. My nieces are now 15 and I just took them to see Wicked when I was in town last weekend. And. And yeah, we sang out loud. No, we didn't. One person did. And somebody said, shut up. About four rows back and it was awesome. Not very loud, but just like, shut up, Shut up.

[C]

That's fucking crazy. I mean, it's been in theaters for a while and you just took them to see it. It is February after all. But I guess, you know, this is that much.

[B]

It's still in theaters and by theaters, I minute. All right. So I have this like friend that's got a screening room, name's Diddy. And he invited us over for a movie Night. Basically, it's a. Every other week we watch a movie. We watched Dumb and Dumber. First night we watched Getting Even with dad with Chevy Chase and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

[C]

Oh, I have seen that one. That's when he's like a boy scout or whatever.

[B]

And then. And then we watched. What's that? Tim Allen movie where he's a dad?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

They go to summer camp.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Look it up for me. Tim Allen summer camp movie.

[C]

But isn't that the one where the kids like, sort of like a bootleg George of the Jungle?

[B]

Jungle. Jungle, yeah. The kid lives in the jungle.

[C]

Jungle to Jungle.

[B]

Oh. Man of the house was Jonathan Taylor Thomas. And what was Getting Even with dad? Did jt. Did JTT have a Polly Shore kid movie run front? He might have Get Even with dad.

[C]

Oh, I didn't see this one. This is dancing Macaulay Culkin. I don't even know about this. Oh, man of the house.

[B]

I remember man of the House. Not to be confused with House Guest with Sinbad and Phil Hart.

[C]

Yep, that is true. Yeah.

[B]

Jungle to Jungle was Tim Allen. And the kid was like.

[C]

I remember that.

[B]

A white kid living in, like, Nigeria.

[C]

It was basically George of the John. What if George of the Jungle's dad was Tim Allen? And I remember there's a scene. There's a scene in that where he.

[B]

Sorry, we'll buy it.

[C]

Yeah, he definitely did that. There was a scene where he explains, like, the concept of an obligation as something you don't want to do. That really stuck with me. And he hurt his son's feelings by saying he had to do it because he's obligated or something like that. Oh, wow.

[B]

He broke down.

[C]

I remember specific lines from jungle to jungle. And I think it was like, maybe it was because you can't host a podcast. This sounds familiar. This back and forth seems familiar with my relationship to my father, by the way, except there's no reconciliation at the end in my life. This doesn't get neatly wrapped up. Twelve minutes after they have an argument, we just kind of live with this until hopefully he dies. Hopefully I don't die before him.

[B]

By the way, were you just doing a constant rotation of trying to get girls to sleep with you by doing Chris Katan monologues and quotes from Jungle to Jungle, and you're like, what am I doing wrong?

[C]

Netflix and Chill, come over. We're going to throw on Jungle to Jungle.

[B]

What's that? Well, you ever wonder what would George of the Jungle look like if Tim Allen was the dad? No. Cool. We're going to start it.

[C]

You're about to now.

[B]

About to now.

[C]

You're about to now now this.

[B]

Wait, Martin Short. Wait, was Martin Short in it?

[C]

I don't know, dude. I guess he was. That's the kid, man.

[B]

What's he doing now?

[C]

Who knows? Who knows, man? You know, and just like Tim Allen was a father figure to this child, it's up to us to be father figures to my listeners.

[B]

I'm into it. And so it's my favorite part of the show.

[C]

Time for us to be dads here and really let these fucking help these, our young children. Okay, who do we have here? Elders. Let's see.

[F]

Hey, Stavi, I got a bit of a weird one here. So, my grandfather passed away in October of last year. My mom's dad, 93 RIP. After he passed, my mom gave me this, you know, big sob story about how my uncle, her brother, managed to get her inheritance through, like, power of attorney or whatever. Now, this uncle was kind of like a second father to me growing up. He was very involved in my childhood, probably more than my actual father, I'm being honest. Anyway, a couple months later, I went through a pretty bad breakup, and my uncle called me up to see if there was anything he could do to help me, and I wasn't in a good place. I kind of snapped at him and basically laid my mom's accusations off.

[C]

Oh, shit.

[F]

A few days later, he reached out to me again, showing me the legal paperwork which proved that my mom was lying about the whole thing with the inheritance. So I've since reconciled things with my uncle. I apologize to him. We're cool again. He's a great guy. But when I tried to confront my mom on this, she was basically like, oh, I don't know how you would get the idea that your uncle stole my inheritance, but I'm sorry if I did anything to make you think that.

[C]

What?

[F]

Now I remember this conversation. Well, she explicitly said that not only to me, but she did this whole song and dance routine with my brother and my sister as well.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

Corroborating witnesses and my siblings.

[B]

And I think Mary Kay Letourneau.

[F]

This might be coming more from her husband, who's just, you know, a really strange bitch of a guy who none of us like. We think he might be trying to get some money or isolate her from the rest of the family, like, I don't know. But the thing is, my mom and I have had a really good relationship forever, and now I just can't get past this thing. It's put, like, such a damper on our relationship. Anytime I try to talk to her, it's just awkward, and we just don't talk about it. So I don't know. What do I do here? Do I just let it go? Try to move on, act like everything is normal? Do I try to confront her about it again? Am I a bad son?

[C]

No.

[F]

What's your take here? Anyway, thanks, Dov. Bye.

[C]

What are you fucking talking. My mom's trying to gaslight me. Am I being unreasonable? She's trying to gaslight me in a way that almost sabotaged my relationship with the best person in my family. It sounds like this arsonist tried to.

[B]

Burn down my childhood home with my pets inside. Should I send him Venmo money for gas? He's trying to leave town.

[C]

I mean, dude, that's fucking nuts. And the fact that she would behave that way is. Is really crazy.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And I. I mean, I guess her new father, new husband is a different. And that's a variable. That's interesting, because if this is the work of that guy, then you can't. That's the thing that gives me pause, because otherwise, what I would say is, this is such a huge, fundamental thing, such a crazy lie that I would personally have a really hard time moving past this. I would. Literally. This, to me, is worth sitting your mother down and being like, I remember you said this. Both my brother and sister remember this. It caused a problem with your brother, my uncle. It was unfair of you to do that. It almost caused a serious problem in our family. It's making me. I don't understand why you would do that. We have such a good relationship. This is so unlike you. And even come at it from a point of like, I am worried about you, that you. This is that uncharacteristic. Come at it from that perspective. And if she won't admit it, dude, that's the kind of thing where you're like, okay, well, listen, I know what happened, and when you're ready to talk about it, reach out to me. But until then, I don't think we can talk. And I know that's crazy. I know that sounds extreme, but, like, this is crazy and extreme. And the only thing that would give me pause is if you think her fucking husband is being abusive and trying to cut her off from her family. You might be playing directly into his hands, but you still have to have the conversation and at least let it play out a little bit.

[B]

Right?

[C]

You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. That's what it sounds like to me I had a big problem in my family with like there was a lot of like pretending shit was okay or pretending things weren't problems. And what's really helped us all get have a better relationship is like I really had those tough conversations. I was like, I'm not pretending this shit anymore.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like we can talk when you admit what has happened. And I will say it was very difficult. And I even I've been open about on the show. Like I had a tough relationship with my dad and we didn't speak for years, but we reconciled after we had a real conversations and we're better off for it now we have an actual. And your mom. This sounds like a different thing though. This sounds like one strange thing that I would try and get to the bottom of. But you can't be living in a fucking lie. You don't want those closest to you fucking gaslighting you. It's. She has to admit what's going on here. I think she won.

[B]

Yeah. And I missed maybe one detail. The. It was the who was so new boyfriend is involved.

[C]

We don't even know if it's new boyfriend or her husband.

[D]

Her new husband.

[C]

Her new husband. But we don't know how.

[D]

He didn't really specify how that guy or if he's involved. But it sounds like he's just kind of a. In general.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Just got bad vibes. Yeah.

[B]

Bummer, man. Guy sounds like he's going through it and he's, you know. Look, I think there's a website called mom.com where you can basically submit for a new mom. So I don't want to say.

[C]

Have you ever seen. What was that movie called? Where they go shopping for moms?

[B]

What?

[C]

That's another like childhood classic. Do you know the one?

[B]

Another movie you quoted to get laid in middle school.

[C]

But it is in the like, right in the like right in that type of movie of the.

[B]

Is it Mr. Mom with Hulk Hogan or. No, actually Belushi.

[C]

The Mommy market.

[B]

The mommy.

[C]

Try that one. Unless that's a porno.

[B]

It definitely is.

[C]

I think it's the mommy market.

[B]

Trading Mom.

[C]

Or maybe it's trading Mom. I don't fucking know.

[B]

Whatever.

[C]

There's a movie where you could go buy a moment.

[B]

Oh my God. Dude, the 90s was a wild time for cinema.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that was in the like child. You know, the child cinema.

[B]

It's the My Girl Girl.

[C]

It is. It is the My Girl Girl. Okay. Anyway, go to mom.com. get stuffing your mom.

[B]

I think we helped you, man.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Best of luck.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, that's what I gotta say, bro. That's weird. That's crazy.

[B]

That's a very crazy. He very articulately conveyed that story. It sounds like you got. You're. You're not going to. I would maybe take mom to like a PF Chang, sit her down and go, what's going on?

[C]

What's going on? Exactly. Like, don't even. I'm not even going to entertain this lie. I know you're lying. Yes. So can you tell me what's happening here?

[B]

And then you just hope that she's in a place where she wants to just drop her guard and. And open up shop. But if not, you know, know mom.com.

[C]

You could try and seduce her new husband. You can try and suck his.

[B]

That's what I was.

[C]

Get video of you sucking his and be like, is this the guy jealous?

[B]

And then she'll open up, is this.

[C]

The guy you want to throw it all away for? You dumb, Dumb.

[B]

Not me going to call you mom.

[C]

Just DB So you have three really good options.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. What else we got?

[C]

Why are you doing eldest and guests?

[B]

I have a weird situation in my house. I've been with my wife 10 years, you know, living back and forth with them, living back and forth with her parents. And now we own the place. We allowed them to stay in our.

[C]

House until they retire and this year to retire. And he has other plans of coming.

[G]

Back whenever he chooses.

[B]

We just had another baby.

[C]

We need that space. And my wife wants to wait. I don't want to piss her off.

[B]

But at the same time I need to get them to hell out at the same time.

[C]

So I don't know which way you would handle it to be the nicest way.

[B]

It's one of those conversations you may must be had, but it's hard to have.

[C]

Of course.

[B]

Thank you.

[C]

So basically this guy's saying his. His in laws have crashed with him for 10 years.

[D]

Yeah. No, he's been with his wife for 10 years.

[C]

Oh. Living back and forth with her parents.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

And now they own the place and they allow them to stay at their house until they retire. Now this is interesting. Was it their house that you bought from them? Yeah, because that, that blurs the lines a little bit here. He might feel entitled to it because it's like, well, we fucking gave you a steal on the thing. And maybe legally you own it now.

[B]

But they're like, but we're the ones who hung up that piece of art.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, well, it's my art now, you twat.

[C]

That's right. That's right. Check the fucking paper.

[B]

Nice. Montel Jordan hugging Magic Johnson. Laminated photo that I got from Spencer's Gifts. You might have framed it, but I.

[C]

But I picked it out. I had the eye. I knew it would fit over the mantle. And you got a cheap fucking. And by the way, if you don't think I know that's the cheapest fucking frame at Michael's. You're out of your mind, bitch. So, so basically now the fact that you just had another baby, you need the space. That's something where.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And your wife wants to wait. Dude. Like, it's hard because I think the way, the way you do it is talk about the baby and be like, hey, man, I think. So we had this conversation like, you know, this was the plan. Is there anything we can do to help you? Like, what was his plan when they retired?

[B]

Right.

[C]

You don't want to sound angry, I don't think. No, you want to sound like, hey, you know, we really could use the space. Is there something we could. We're all family here. And it sounds like maybe they even did help you out, right? Like, I don't know the specifics, but maybe you do kind of owe them one. Them going back on their word is fucking annoying, don't get me wrong. But you also want to think of this in the grand scheme of your family. You might be legally, technically. Right, but that's not gonna make your life easier. You know what I mean? What, are you gonna fucking evict them? You're gonna evict your fucking father in law? You're not gonna do that, right? So they kind of have you by the balls in a weird way. It's annoying. But you have to tread a little lightly. And I don't know, I guess I would get your wife a little more on board. Cause if it's. If it's you versus your in laws, plus your wife, that's a tough battle. You need your wife aligned with you here. And you need to come up probably first with a plan with your wife, and then as a united front, go to your in laws. Because otherwise he could just. And I hear it in his voice, he's pissed. Yeah, he wants to fucking DJ Jazzy Jeff, throw him out Fresh Prince style right now. But you can't do that, bro. You have to kind of help them come up with a plan. And it's going to take longer than you. Like, that's just reality.

[B]

Well, in reality. Stop. Rose is what we all struggle to recognize but also realize. And I talk about that in my book. We've got issues. Scroll up for me again so I can read the top.

[C]

Are you okay?

[B]

This is Dr. Phil Styros. Just stick to this script. Play along for a minute. Choosing to do a. A fun little comedy bit.

[C]

Stroke.

[B]

Well, my strokes are daytime talk show host.

[C]

He can't stop.

[B]

Some people stroke out and act like Ricky Lake. I act like Dr. Phil McGraw. Check out my Netflix special. Dr. Phil is only streaming on Netflix right now.

[C]

Check it out. It is good.

[B]

Now, look, if you're living with your folks, you're. You. Things aren't going according to plan. Let's start there. There now. You're waiting for them to retire from what? Driving the bus? Working for Delta Airlines. Do they. Do they make the. The applesauce at Panera? Either way that you're. You're living with a couple of dead beats. Okay? And I know they're your wife's parents. I know she lived in his jizz at some point. Right? We all did. We all lived in jizz.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Even the guy who wrote Jungle to Jungle. Jungle came from jizz.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

But what I think the. The main move and the main idea here is you got another baby coming, and that's too many. You can overstay your welcome. And it's time for the parents to recognize that it's baby's day out and it's daddy's day in. Does that make sense? So Rick Moranis shrunk his kids on accident. I think this guy would love to shrunk the in laws on purpose and put them inside of a used condom and leave them underneath the bed at A La Quinta in Rancho Cucamonga. We'll be right back. Best of luck to you.

[C]

Good luck. Shrinking them is not a bad actually option, Dr. Phil. That's true. Hit them with the shrink ray.

[B]

Hit them with the shrink ray.

[C]

Hit them with the shrink ray. They take up less space. You put them in a little Barbie doll house.

[B]

Yes. And you put them in a Barbie doll house and they. Dude, as many cars as you want. As many toasters. 10 bedroom. I mean, like, you know, multiple. Get the pool going.

[C]

The Matt Damon movie. Shrinking. Right? That's.

[B]

Oh, no. I know what you're talking about.

[C]

Oh, I just let one fly.

[B]

Was that the soundtrack to Mr. Holland's opus? Did you hear that? Sounded like a French horn.

[C]

Vietnamese food. This is for lunch. And it's wrecked our guts somewhere.

[B]

Somewhere. Richard Driscoll says is a young deaf boy learning how to play the oboe.

[C]

Let's just say the fact that I could even do that without. Without fearing anything slipping out of my ass, Big sign of progress.

[B]

I Heard it through the Chair, which is the original title to I Heard it through the Grapevine, but also that sounded like it.

[C]

Downsizing. Yeah, it's not shrinking.

[B]

The Matt Damon movie downsizing. Where he gets. The 2025 Dr. Phil Live Tour is coming to a city near you. Grab your tickets, pack your bags and get ready for the greatest show of your life. February 28th, we hit the Riverside Theater in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. March 2nd, we're in Minneapolis, Minnesota, at the Orpheum Theater. March 6th, we're taking over Detroit, Michigan, baby, at the world famous Fox Theater. March 8th, we're getting our passports and buttholes stamped in Toronto, Canada, as we take over Meridian Hall. March 13th and 14th, we're at the Majestic Theater in Dallas, Texas.

[C]

Yee haw.

[B]

March 16th, it's St. Patty's Day weekend, and we are in Chicago, Illinois at the Chicago Theater. March 27, we are in Boston, Massachusetts, right next to Fenway park at MGM Music Hall. March 30th, we're at the Cobb Energy center in Atlanta, Georgia. April 6th, we're in the heart of country in Nashville, Tennessee, at the new Pinnacle Theater. April 19, we're at Bass hall in Austin, Texas. June 1, we're in Kansas City at the Midland Theater. June 6, we're at the KeyBank Street Theater in Cleveland, Ohio. June 8, we're in Indianapolis, Indiana, at the Murat Theatre. June 19, we're in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at Hines Hall. Then we pop over to Atlantic City on June 21 for a Dr. Phil Live at the Tropicana Showroom at Tropicana Atlantic City. The Dr. Phil Live tour closes out on July. July 12th in Reno, Nevada, at the Grand Theater at Grand Sierra Resort and Casino. Don't you miss out on all the fun we're having. So grab your [e-mail], shave your head, your back, your and your crack, and we'll be right back.

[C]

Next question. Eldest.

[G]

Oh, hey, Soft Elvis, whoever's there.

[C]

How's it going?

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

So interesting one for you guys. I've been Married now since 2017. I love my wife. She's fantastic. She's honestly way, way, way too good for me. She's a Brazilian dime piece PhD. I'm a cop, I do all right at it, but, you know, there's really not much of comparison there. And, you know, early in Our relationship, I probably pushed the limits. And I'll be honestly, also straightforward before I do another story. This is a thousand percent hypocritical. Like, no if answer.

[D]

But I know he's saying he's getting to it, but he's saying what he's about to say is hypocritical.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Early on in his relationship. And he's going to go into it, be a hypocrite.

[G]

I just want maybe some advice on.

[B]

How to cope with this.

[G]

So, yeah, so my wife and I have been dating was this, like eight years now, seven years almost since 2017. And at first I kind of took advantage of the fact that I, you know, I used to fart a lot. I used to eat a lot of protein and I had some stinky farts sometimes just, you know, regular ones, whatever. And my wife, you know, girlfriend at the time and then into wifehood, she never really did that in front of me. She thought sometimes it was funny when.

[C]

I did his questions about too shy or.

[B]

I don't know. She wasn't comfortable doing it.

[C]

Good producer.

[G]

Fast forward. Then it's all drastically changed. And now my parts have taken a tremendous step back in quality, quantity, everything. And with her big bbl. Natural big Brazilian butt, she ripped just the most unbelievable sounding parts. They never stink, but, my God, never stink.

[C]

Do they sound. They sound good.

[B]

That's just like a.

[G]

No offense, like, one of you guys made them. Like a big fat guy made them. That's what they sound like.

[C]

You could have just said a big fat guy. You know, say it was me or eldest.

[B]

Also, what's with the no offense and then full offense?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Hey, man, I don't want to kill you, but I'm going to shoot you in the face.

[C]

All right?

[G]

Primo parts. And I hate it.

[B]

It's.

[G]

In a way, it's like demoralizing because I can't create anything like that. And on the other hand, I just find it gross, man. She's my beautiful wife. I love her ass, obviously. And the fact that it's just making.

[B]

Those things.

[G]

For only me to hear, no one else has ever heard them. Maybe some of her friends. But yeah, she. And I'll wake up and sometimes the first thing I hear after my alarm goes off is just her ripping a huge one. And I know it's payback. She won't stop. I can't get mad at her, but I just don't like it. Any advice for me, guys would be greatly appreciated.

[C]

Interesting.

[G]

Yeah.

[C]

Love the podcast. Love you guys.

[G]

Stop. Come back To Portland one of these days. I don't live there. I live south.

[B]

Yeah. Portland is a high protein diet and also a lot of bbls. I like that. He's like, look, I. He didn't even say I love her. He's like, I love her ass. So I don't want to break up with her. And the ass is where the problem comes from. It's the solution and the problem.

[C]

Oh, it's a Greek tragedy.

[B]

It's a Greek tragedy. She. I mean, look, let's. In the classic game of sound or smell, what would you prefer?

[C]

You gotta pick. I mean, to me, and I don't know, I'd have to be faced with this. But like, this sounds like it could even be kind of funny. They don't smell now, of course, if she does it constantly, it might be like, even if I get annoyed, like, it's like, all right, if we're, if we're on the road, we rip them. Like, who gives a. But we know, like, we're not prudes about it, obviously. No, that might have been.

[B]

Damn it.

[C]

Yeah. No, not risking that one. Got to hold that back.

[B]

There's. There's definitely also something to be said about him saying that. That the alarm clock will go off and that, like, he'll, you know, he'll snooze and then like, she'll rip one and then like, that's.

[C]

That's what wakes up.

[B]

Yeah, like that. So I. It would have been great if he included, if he had, you know, a wav.

[C]

File.

[B]

Yeah. Captured something.

[C]

But.

[B]

Because then it begs the question, how is it? Is it quality over quantity? Is it like, is she dropping 4 before 9am and he's like, it's too much. Or is it like, when she does, it's hero. She.

[C]

Right, right, right, right. Yeah. That's interesting. How off he says, how much is she farting? And it's like, he says he can't get mad at her. She says she won't stop. Has he had a conversation? Has he been like, hey, I mean, look, at a certain point, you have to reap what you sow here. That's what you get. Like, look, I. When I'm with the boys, I let them fly.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

When I've been dating. Now, look, it's not like I've never farted in front of someone I'm dating, but I do. As much as. Call me old fashioned, maybe I'm a gentleman. I'll fart on my own podcast that hundreds of thousands of people will listen to and see. But I wouldn't. I'd go to the balcony and rip one if I'm with my girl. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Keep the intimacy alive as long as he can. He started this, though.

[C]

You did start. That's what I'm saying.

[B]

He's kind of you and your chicken, you know, chickadee China, the Chinese chicken wraps, you know, and she. And you're. You started to kind of be like, hey, sorry, I have to feed my body. And if my body responds this way, I'm on a high protein diet. Keto is not for everyone. And I get that, babe. And you and your bbl and your silent but deadly farts can just chill.

[C]

So. I don't know, dude. I mean, you can have a combo. Here's the thing. You started it. You're in the wrong.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

The only thing I can think of is you just have to. This has to be a. A open negotiation where you have no standing here. And you're gonna have to use some relationship capital to be like, is there something I could do? Yeah, can I help? Like all I ask. Take down the farts a little bit.

[B]

What is she eating?

[C]

That's another great question. What is she eating? Is it good for her?

[B]

Because, you know, everybody farts. Sure. But. But this. But you know, there shouldn't be. Yeah. I don't know. Also, I don't know, wear a scream mask to sleep. I don't know if you just want to completely cover up. But how many a day, I would like to know. And what is she eating? And I think you could really get to the root of what's going on.

[C]

Yeah. Let's figure this out. I'm a little worried about her diet. Has she been eating a lot of protein? Do you want to make it a fight fire with fire thing? And I wouldn't suggest that. I wouldn't suggest getting more into. Back into farting.

[B]

Yeah. How do we know this guy isn't like, didn't push his eating habits on her? And he was like, you need to fucking figure it out because you don't work out out or you whatever. And he was like, you need to start eating avocado and peanut butter jelly sandwiches because they're high in protein. And she was like, I don't. Like, I'm actually allergic to peanut butter. He's like, well, then I'm out of here.

[C]

Yeah, okay.

[B]

Okay, I'll do it. And then she's. Now her. Her is just not adjusting and so. And then he's putting it on her. Like there's Part of me feel like that's happening where he pushed his lifestyle on her because she, you brought her into this. You brought her in. And now he's like, and now her butt can't even fucking handle. The fucking improv's tough. But she's, but she's, you know, but you get what I'm saying. Yeah, he's.

[C]

We got it, man.

[B]

He's trying to act like he had nothing to do with it.

[C]

Yes. I, I, I fear this is. You are. This is just something you caused, and now you're dealing with it.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And now if you want to walk it back, you're gonna have to make other sacrifices within the relationship. Maybe she loves farting. Maybe she thinks you think it's funny because you farted so much. Maybe she doesn't know you're finding it a little off putting. She might think you love it. That's the other thing. Have we tried communicating here? Have you tried having a convo? I don't think he has. I think he's feeling alpha'd on some. That's another thing. He's feeling alpha'd. Cause her farts are fucking more powerful.

[B]

Wow. Called out, shots fired.

[C]

I really believe it. And so try having a convo and if not, be like, all right, look, I really don't like this. I'm sorry I'm a hip. Even say that to your wife, it's like, look, I know it's hypocritical. I get it. But I just find it a little off putting. Maybe from now on, we'll both kind of take down how often we're far.

[D]

Look, if you're we, we is clutch.

[C]

We is super clutch. You might need to start farting more again, matching her and be like, you know what? I think this has gotten out of hand. We need to pull it back. That's actually not bad.

[B]

That's a great idea.

[C]

That's actually not bad.

[B]

All right.

[C]

I figured it out at the end, by the way.

[B]

Whoever smelt it, dealt it. Never forget that.

[C]

That's true. That's a great point. Even if it's two people and whoever.

[B]

Heard it, you know, heard it. Yep.

[C]

Whoever heard it actually didn't even fart. All right, let's do a couple more here. This, you know, this is Stav's World, LA after dark. Also, this might be the latest one on east coast time. It's midnight right now. See what we got here.

[H]

LD Hi, Savvy. My name is Linda, and my sister and I are having a debate because I started dating A man. And I'm 21 and the man I have started dating is 34. So my sister thinks that he's way too old for me and that I'm insane. And I feel like I really like him. I think he's very nice. He treats me very nicely, he takes me out on nice dates. And like he has like a good job and he doesn't want to have kids for like 10 years still, even though he's already 34. And I don't want to have kids, so I'm like in my 30s, so. And I also feel like we align politically. We align in like our beliefs about spirituality and our general outlook on life. And I feel like if all of.

[B]

Those things align, she's like, I'll go to the Maggarelli.

[H]

Doesn't matter that much.

[C]

That tell you being a 34 year old. Talk about spirituality with a 21 year old.

[B]

Oh yeah, he is not pumped hysterical dude.

[C]

Or he's. Yeah, whatever. Just such a funny guy to be like, tell me about. He's like, so do you feel the spirit within you?

[B]

Let me ask you something. Do you think we created wind or. And if not, why do we get to enjoy it it without understanding whence it came? Yeah, but I think the heart and the mind are more powerful than we realize. And I think actually the heart is the most powerful tool because if you watch Captain Planet, he was the element that got the least amount of attention.

[C]

She's like, what's Captain Planet?

[B]

He's like, he goes, I'm out of here. How old are you again? Oh, yeah, you probably want to watch the Wiggles or Hannah Montana, my ass.

[C]

Let's finish. Our friends call here. What else do you have to say on this?

[H]

All of those things align.

[C]

It's nice.

[H]

Age doesn't matter that much. And my sister thinks hardline cannot happen. There's no way a 21 year old and a 34 year old should be together. And so. And I really trust my sister's opinion, so I'm hoping you guys can mediate between us. Like, do you think he's too much older than me, 100% all the time, or do you think there are situations where it could make sense? Okay, thank you so much. Bye bye.

[C]

Yeah, this is interesting. I mean, I definitely see where your sister's coming from. Yeah, you're. It's not even the. Okay, 13 years is the difference, right?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And that's sizable, but it's not crazy to me. The bigger thing is 21, if you were even 23. 24, like 21 is like you're just out of college. It's like you do have a little bit of.

[D]

You're still in college.

[C]

Yeah, you're probably still in college. You're right. Like you still have a little bit of like becoming an adult that maybe you should do and not a serious relationship type of thing. Now at the same time, if this guy treats you really well, look, I would say if there was a hint of any problems whatsoever, you definitely should get out of it. I suppose there's situations, but at a certain point you just have to be like, I don't know, is it a little. I see where your sister's coming from, I guess. And it is the. Like you're just kind of relatively young.

[D]

There is something funny about telling a 21 year old girl you're dating. Like, yeah, I don't think I want to have kids until I'm 45.

[C]

It's weird. That's what I'm saying. And look, can it work?

[B]

Sure.

[C]

This guy, I mean he's speaking as an emotionally immature 35 year old that dates girl girls in their 20s. I know that this can work, you know what I mean? But it's like the guy, I don't know, it's kind of what his deal is. Does he seriously want to date you? That's another thing. It seems like they've been kind of, they've been having very serious conversations. He seems to be open to it. How did you meet? Is a good question. She's like, he was my ta, he was my professor.

[B]

Well, that, yeah, that type of shit. I would like to know the meetup because.

[C]

Yeah, that's the thing.

[B]

I do know a few people that have this situation and, and it, you know, age is a number but also like if they're. Someone's a guy maybe is like you said like less mature and she's maybe more mature. There's I, you know, I feel like even when I was 21, I knew people that I was like, you feel like you're 40?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's always people that everyone's a product of their environment and, and sometimes opposites can't attract and sometimes opposites are opposites. You know what I'm saying? I remember in high school, I went to high school with a girl and then in college I ran into her and she was, she was like five six and she was dating a guy that like 66 and he was roided out and he was definitely like just. He was like a bodybuild type guy. Every other sentence was like, and then chicken from chicken farm. And then you got one abs. And his abs had pecs and his tits had abs. And he was just yolked. And he had so much testosterone going through his body. The only thing that they had in common is they both, you know, love to eat protein. Right.

[C]

Right.

[B]

And so they. But they. But they. Yeah, but they. So they were. But they. But they. Like, when I saw them out and about after hearing about them, I was like, yeah. I mean, like, if she's, you know, if they break up, it's going to be because he threw the fridge at her head. But like, but they also, you know, but they also. When I saw them live, I was like, that's a wildly awesome couple. Yeah. Like, they were really. And so to each his own. I think that your sister, like you said, is right. Right.

[C]

But I do think there's something also meet the guy.

[B]

Definitely go out of your way. 34. And it. You can always do the. It could be worse. 44 would be wild. 13 is, for whatever reason, doesn't. Again, she's on the younger side, but.

[C]

34, to me, it's purely because she's just like, honestly.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

At some point it's like, is it. Is it as like, is it a little. Is it a little strange? Sure. But at a certain point, it's got to be like, whatever. Consenting adults can do whatever the they want. But I guess the thing. If I were your sister, what I would be worried about is like, you think this guy, you don't have a lot of, like, experience, like, dating different, you know, whatever you think you and this guy, you've talked, you've had these deep conversations, whatever. Like, I hear this and I'm like, is this guy just telling this girl what she wants to hear? Is this like a. Yeah. You know what I mean? Does he have. What are his intentions?

[B]

That's why you got to suss him out. You got to sooner than later have him meet the fam.

[C]

Oh, interesting. Meet the fam.

[B]

Maybe not the whole family. Maybe like cool cousins or like, you know, methy mark or something, you know.

[C]

But even like, what do your friends say? And look, at the end of the day, you're. This is also an age where it's like, look, just try some out. If he treats you nicely, you already started dating him. It's like, are you just going to break up with him because you're like, well, my sister told me I shouldn't do this. You're already in the relationship.

[B]

I'd love to know. Also, the sister's dating history and past and current situation. Is she just like, like it's not going to work out?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I told you it's never going to work out. I trust me. When I was 20, I dated a 60 year old. That's when I started smoking and now I'm 40.

[C]

But, but I. Here's the thing. The one thing that gives me some alarm bells here too is like this girl seems very enamored by this guy.

[B]

Totally.

[C]

And like she's talking about kids like she's 21, you know what I mean? Like the fact they've had the conversation about kids to me is like, either this guy is really serious, maybe he's a sweet guy, whatever, who knows? Or he's just kind of weirdly sick. Like, is she getting love bombed a little bit? Is he like, I'm in it, baby. Like, you're special. You're not like those other 21 year olds, you know what I mean? Like, what's this guy's dating history I'd be very interested to know about? Does he do this with 21 year olds? Yes, but at the end of the day, you're in this relationship. As long as he's treating you nicely, here's what'll happen. It'll either continue and you are against the odds, a couple that kind of. It worked out or you'll break up with him and you'll learn something about yourself one way or the other. This isn't like, should I start, should I go out with a 34 year old? I'm 21, it's, I'm already in a relationship. If it was, should I go out with him? Maybe it's a different answer. But you're already in the relationship, he's treating you well. The second there's any reason not to maybe get out of it. But you know, look, you know, maybe look at the relationship with a more critical eye than just like, you know, not saying because of what your sister's saying, than just being like, oh, this.

[B]

Is great, she's looking at the age gap and she needs to, the sister needs to see from her sister's standpoint, how many wieners have you seen and been through already, Right? Because maybe she's just like, I've been go. I've been going at it hard since I was 17, four years of whatever. And she's like, I would love a real relationship. And then maybe this guy on the same token is doing that. Or maybe he hasn't actually. Maybe he Actually, maybe he's been dating people where he's. And whether they're of that age or older, where he's just like, I, I'm not connecting. And for whatever reason they're connecting, but I would definitely want to see what he looks like and what his job looks like.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Because there's probably some, you know, stability. Yeah.

[C]

Well, that's the other thing is, like, what is she? What do you want out of her?

[B]

Maybe she's like, like, I want to be a mom in 10 years, but I also want to just like be a yoga instructor. And he's like, do it. I'll take care of you. Right.

[C]

That's the other thing. It's like, look, do you just want to have like, you're talking about, I don't want to have kids until I'm like 30. Who knows? You'll be with this person if you're having a good time right now.

[B]

Yeah. Live in the now.

[C]

What, what else is going to. You're going to be okay. It's either this guy or you're going to be in a weird relationship with a 23 year old that you, you know, you're also going to break up with it. Sir, like I hate to break it to you, this probably ain't your husband, statistically, right?

[B]

Statistically, yeah.

[C]

Statistically speaking, it's like you're, it's not a. But you're already in the relationship and just, just be more cognizant of things and like, you know, maybe take your sister's word in terms of like analyzing the relationship. But, you know, whatever, you're already in it now.

[B]

You're in it.

[C]

You're in it, baby. All right. What do you think? I'll just have something fun to go out on here. Here. Adam, thanks for coming, dude.

[B]

What a blast, dude, you're the man. Yeah, this was a real treat.

[C]

And anything to plug, you know, it's February. What's coming up for you?

[B]

ADAM RAY Is Dr. Phil Unleashed on Netflix. But we have a huge Dr. Phil live theater tour that we've been pumping around the country. These shows are selling out left and right. They're all [e-mail] as well as all my stand updates. My special is called like and subscribe you can get on my YouTube channel, YouTube.com Adam Ray Comedy, where you can also get all the Dr. Phil live shows that happen on the road and at the Comedy Store. We just had one come out. That was the holiday show with Jay Leno, who was his first time back at the comic store in 30 years. Wayne Brady, Jaleel White, Harry Mack, Rob Riggle, Brad Williams and Tony hawk. That'[e-mail] adamraycomedy my podcast about last night. And. And that's it.

[C]

I love it. Go, go. Look at all that stuff you pieces of this guy rocks, man.

[B]

Oh, and the picture of me and Kendall Gill. Yeah, he's on a goodies on adamraecommy.com it says quick fat.

[C]

I need that.

[B]

I'll get you one.

[A]

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[B]

Sponsored by Chumba Casino. No purchase necessary vgw group void. We're prohibited by law 21 plus terms and conditions apply.

[C]

All right, elders, what do we got here?

[I]

Hey, I have a question. Okay, basically, I don't know what's wrong with me or men. I'm a young woman, you know, I'm in college. I've dated lots of men, you know, in my life, like and I feel like I don't know if it's something that I'm doing or if men are just. Men don't know how to talk. But I feel like no guy I've ever dated has known how to carry a conversation.

[C]

Pause this.

[I]

And like if I stop talking there will just be.

[C]

And this is sort of why the 21 year old dates a 34 year old. That's another hard reality.

[B]

He's perfectly aligned.

[C]

Cuz I remember, by the way, I remember being 21 and blowing it with hot 21 year olds.

[B]

Yeah, you were like 30 year old.

[C]

Yeah, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm quoting light at the Roxbury. It's not working.

[B]

Also, we are not fully formed individuals yet. So we don't even know. We don't know enough about anything to know how like what we should even be. And we don't know also that we should be asking them questions. We're probably trying to bring up our own shit. Like so it's like a lot of like. How's the food? Oh, it's really good. I've Never had mashed potatoes before. Yeah, you know. Nice, nice.

[C]

I like. I like butter on my mashed potatoes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, bro. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is exactly. And then, and then, and then five minutes of silence and then like. What'd you say? Oh, nothing. Oh, I thought you were sounding like you burped, which is cool, by the way. I'm into that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what? I'm not into Queefs. She's like, cool.

[C]

Oh, fuck.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know.

[C]

So. But this is awesome. This is like a perfect one to have right after the. Cause like, I remember being. I mean, there is a reason like, like, younger women do date older men is because, like, yeah, when you're a 21 year old guy, you're kind of a fucking idiot.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

And it's like, kind of. Yes, you're a complete fucking dumbass. And so anyway, keep going here. It's just so funny to get these calls back to back.

[B]

And girls are more. Yeah, there. There's more emotionally and I think just fully formed than we are at that age.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, even though she sounds like she's not bringing a lot to the table either, but like, no offense, but like, to quote the last caller, no offense, but full offense, she at least is like, probably trying. Like, she's at least rambling like, you know, in this. She's probably like, she'll probably do a little monologue, a little soliloquy at the cheesecake fact.

[C]

She'll give you something.

[B]

She'll give you something. And then he's giving nothing back. So she's probably like, wow, I know that I'm not Jacqueso, but wild reference. But like, but can I.

[C]

Know? I don't know about O Deep Mariana's Trench, ocean life. I know I'm not finding giant squids or whatever Jacques Cousteau was doing, but.

[B]

I'm so Ask me about my hair.

[C]

All right, let's give it.

[B]

Let's.

[C]

Let's finish her off. Maybe she has something else going on here.

[I]

I feel like no guy I've ever dated has known how to carry a conversation. And like, like, if I stop talking, there will just be so much silence. And like, I don't know if I have. I definitely am uncomfortable with silence and that's something I'm working on. But like, with my friendships with women, like all my friendships, because I never have. I'm never friends with men. There's never roles in the conversation. You know, we bounce ideas off of each other. We talk about lots of stuff. And I feel like when I'm hanging out with guys, like, I don't know, I get along with them enough to date them. And, you know, physically we get along great. But I feel like I have.

[B]

I always.

[I]

I end up becoming like almost a court jester or like I feel like nardwar sometimes. Like, I'm asking so many weird questions. Like, keep the conversation moving. Like, the amount of questions I have to ask is crazy. And like, I don't know. I don't think they're bored of me because they keep coming around, I think. Like, I mean, I don't know. Like, I think maybe I'm a lesbian. That's part of it. But I guess definitely, like, dude, these.

[C]

Guys are so bad at conversation. This girl's like, I don't know, like.

[I]

Am I just comparing, like looking for something that doesn't exist? Like the level of connection I have with my female friendships. Is that not realistic in a romantic relationship with a man? Like, I don't know, I just feel.

[B]

Like imagine, Imagine all this and he's just sitting there going like this. Ready? Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, yeah. No, I mean, maybe you are a lesbian. We should. I have a friend that actually would really like you if you. But no, it's tough. It's. It's tough. I mean, she's definitely talking like this on the dates and, and got. Which is, by the way, I again appreciate this. And. And she's definitely right because guys at that age are not bringing a lot to the table. Well, they are, but especially there, they don't know how to handle that because they're also.

[C]

It's a little overwhelming.

[B]

It's overwhelming for them.

[C]

Yeah. No, and her, her. Her cadence. And maybe there's a little frustration too. But like, you can tell she's probably a fast talker. And it's my. You might be a. Kind of a hard person to keep up with. There's blame on both sides, I guess, is what we're saying. But I will say also this. I think probably they are a little intimidated. Like again, when you're a 21 year old guy, you're like horny as hell, dumb as shit. Still don't really understand women. Some of these guys might be legit. Like they're just trying to not make a mistake. So you'll fuck them. Like, they're just trying. Like, I'm on the. If I just don't fuck up, I might get jerked off. And they're just not. They're not playing to win the game. They're Playing not to lose, you know? So I don't know. Did you have more to talk about here, Elders?

[I]

I don't know if that's normal. I guess I'm just asking, like, how much silence do you feel is okay? How much are you not talking when you're. When you're dating a woman? Is there just. Is there spirit to be a lot of silence? I don't know.

[B]

I don't understand.

[I]

That's all.

[C]

She's awesome.

[B]

I'm.

[C]

This is so funny.

[B]

I know. I really. I'm really rooting for this girl. And if I bad. Yeah, see, here's the thing. She goes, how much I. The fact that she hates silence. And then she. I don't think she took a breath in two minutes. So, yes, like, you know, case in point. She's just like, the guy doesn't know. She'll give these, like, two minute monologues and then he's just like. Like, she'll go. So anyway, like, I just don't know. Like, I want to, like, buy a car, but I don't have a job yet. And, like, I think if I, like, save up my money, like, I should get a summer job, but I don't want to work during the summer because summer's the. Typically the most fun season of the year. I'm a big seasons girl, which is why I don't want to move back home, because it's the east coast and you just get a lot of cold winters and, like, hot summers. And I want more variation. I like the fall. I like scarves and sweaters and mittens. Oh, my. And I like going to Starbucks and getting a pumpkin spice latte. And the bathrooms are always really clean and I can shim my pants and go in there and they give me the bathroom code because they see it in my eyes that I just shit my pants. And so I just don't know, like, who are you voting for? And then he goes, I just found out who Third Eye Blind was. And she's like, my God, you're so quiet.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, I do think that's certainly her. And I'm somebody like this too, that's a little uncomfortable with silence sometimes. Like, I'll try and fill the. You know, so. So much. Like, so many comedians are like that, but. Or like, I just have it in my head where it's like, you got to be getting a laugh. I know. Seconds have passed.

[B]

Yes, like.

[C]

Or you're at least not connecting. Whatever. Like, that's how I feel on a podcast. But, like, in Real life, I just. When I'm having a conversation, I. I'm past that. But I definitely was more like that.

[B]

Listening is a big thing that I think young guys can. Should be the main thing they try to get better at because. And not. And not only just for the sake of dating and. And trying to, you know, hook up whatever you're doing, but for life. It's like. It's a. It's such a acquired skill set but also necessary for everything. Yeah. Even like, you know, your mom's friends are coming over book club and you gotta. She wants you to meet them, like list, like be. I mean, I remember like I. I just. I was like, oh, I want to go play basketball, whatever. Just be here. And then I was like, all right, so I'm gonna be here for 10 minutes. I want to like lock in with cash Kathy shy privates and hear about her new macaroni salad recipe and then make a funny joke back so that she feels like she was seen in her to my mom. I did right by my mom and then I'm out and like. And also for crowd work and whatever. But like this. These guys need. She needs somebody that really gives a. And that's. I mean historically. And I can, you know, test for this with my wife. It's like the times when I Sometimes she's just like. Like if you just like put your phone down or whatever. Like all I want. Like, I don't care about anything else else buy me this or that. Just like we just listen my story and I'm like, I'm so sorry.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyway, that's. I turned that on to me. But yeah.

[C]

Oh yeah, yeah. No, that's true. Anyway, wait, wait.

[B]

Oh my God. I love you, dude. Great timing. Well, that's tonight's Doritos joke of the night. Do I wait to real quick to quote Dumb and Dumb one more time?

[C]

Yes, please.

[B]

In the hot tub. Remember? Yeah. Freda Felcher. Wait, what happened, Harry? Some little Philly break your heart? No, she was a French woman or whatever. And then he goes, yeah, she. I don't know, she just broke up with me out of the. Out of the blue one day, sent me this John Deere letter. Something about me not listening or whatever. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. But Jeff Daniel is just the best.

[C]

Crushing it, dude. Anyway, so good. Yeah, I mean look, there's a couple things here. And this is also a good opportunity for our many males 21 year old listeners. Right.

[B]

Got em bro.

[C]

Try and lock in Listen to something, repeat back the la. You know, repeat back something and just be present. And it's. So I'm gonna say the bar is pretty low. This girl. And another thing you have to understand for our friend here is like, okay, so you're attracted to these people, like physically, it sounds like. And, and it's okay to go on a date and if the vibes aren't right, you don't have to hook up with them. You know what I mean? It sounds like you just think like, well, I like, I think this person's hot. We went on a date, we have some chemistry, but it doesn't talk enough. Like you can raise your standards a little bit so that you don't feel this sort of dejected in your dating life. And look, I'll be honest with this is you're finding out. It seems like you're graduating from college is so easy. Cause you don't even know what you're doing yet. So dating is kind of easy for people where they're just like. If you're like attractive people like date and they basically mean they just fuck whoever they think is hot. And then it sounds like you're getting out of that, you're maturing a little bit and realizing like, huh, this isn't that fun if I don't actually like the person.

[B]

Right.

[C]

And you might just be. You're just hitting a level of maturity here where you're like, oh, I'm gonna start entering the point in my life where dating is a little bit more of a chore. It's not like whoever I go out with, I'm gonna have some fun. Cause we're in college, we'll get fucked up and suck each other off and, you know, whatever. Hit the dining hall at 2am like now you're like, well, that's okay. But I would really like it if he knew one thing about my personal life. Yeah.

[B]

Do you know like maybe my third favorite color and not just like where I got my bras at? Which is the weirdest first question on a date.

[C]

So it's okay for you to kind of raise your. What you think is acceptable. It's like, yeah, go look, you're gonna start to date in a more grown up way. You're pretty young and you're just gonna. If you go on a date and a guy's not fucking bringing it, you don't have to keep seeing them. You don't have to go on date number two. You don't have to date them. You know what I mean? Like that's the reality. And now you're understanding why people say dating is hard. Hard. We hear it in your voice. And yeah, unfortunately, it's true. You're not gonna click with a lot of people. You know what I mean?

[B]

And it's a numbers game. It's. It is unfortunately, to realize when you are that age where you just, like, you want to be an adult or feel like you've lived 21 is just that sweet spot of, like, I'm an adult. I've lived. I've lived 21 years.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And like, you actually don't know yet. Yeah. But you think you do because it's the same thing. Like when. When you go from middle school to high school and even, like, you know, 20s to 30s, you're just like, all right, now I've got it figured out. But like, you hear Oprah say all the time, you know. Yeah, yeah. You know, you don't know character.

[C]

He's. Even if he's not Dr. Phil, he still respects Oprah.

[B]

Well, everybody does. Stop roast.

[C]

Even Adam Ray. Not. Not just Dr. Phil.

[B]

I want to tell you, Oprah. Well, one thing. Oprah, shut the up for a second, all right? Or I'm going to bottle up one of your farts and sell it on ebay. What I do love about Oprah is that she's. She. She fluctuates, not just in her weight, but in her. In her demeanor. Right?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Some. I remember I used to walk into her office and go, hey, I heard there's some tomato soup in the break room. And she'd throw a Swiss army knife at my. And I'm like, all right, it's 10:00am somewh. But my point is, you don't know what you don't know. And you're too. You know, you can.

[C]

Look.

[B]

Splinter came up with the phrase cowabunga, but he didn't use it until he. Until. Look, anal is first base only if you brought a condom. But if you paid for the date and you open the door, then, you know. You know, then I think, get up with the sun, go to bed with the moon, put your shoes on one at a time. And if you. If you. You know, if you forget to, you know, take your pants off when you're taking a. Maybe that's God's way you're telling you it's time to start peeing out of your butt.

[C]

That's so true.

[B]

I think if you listen to yourself and. And quit trying to decide what you should do and do what you want to do. Then that's when you do the do Mountain Dew.

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

Be right back.

[C]

That is true. What you want to do is fuck guys that listen to you. So that's what you gotta do. Go find that. And by the way, you're in fucking college. It doesn't have to be a formal date. Go to a bar, whoever chats you up and you have a little bit of rapport. Then maybe go on a date with him or even. You know what I mean like and.

[B]

There also are guys that you don't like. I think that just from hearkening back to that time, feeling like oh like that guy talked to me at the bar. Yeah. He was putting his best foot forward. It was the first chat. He was like trying to you know, know, see if we can take things further. Like you don't have to go somewhere with them that night or whatever. Like swap the number and figure it out and then like actually get on the phone and like I know that that's not a thing for yeah, they're snapchatting and texting or FaceTiming like but like you know, again like you said, there's so many people. There's too many people.

[C]

Too many people.

[B]

So there's really no reason. You just have to be down to clown and be DFW down for whatever. Yeah.

[C]

And exactly. And you'll find some someone who responds thoughtfully to your Nardoir style questions and maybe maybe hits you with some Nardoir questions of his own and put it.

[B]

On him maybe sometimes. Try this. Go to go on that date and go so where are you from? And then if he gives you a one word answer, don't say anything for three and a half minutes. Said you're afraid of the silence. Surrender to the silence.

[C]

Surrender to the silence. A little exposure therapy. He's not going to hurt you. We're rooting for you. You get out there, make some nice connections. That's going to do it for us. Adam, thank you so much. This was so fun and we will talk to you guys next time. Bye bye bye.

[A]

It is Ryan here and I have a question for you. What do you do when you win? Like are you a fist pump jumper?

[C]

A woohoo?

[A]

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[B]

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