#118 - Amy Miller

Summary

Stavvy's World: Episode #118 - Amy Miller

Release Date: March 3, 2025
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Amy Miller

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Introduction and Setting the Episode

In Episode #118 of Stavvy's World, hosted by Stavros Halkias, Amy Miller joins the show for an engaging and heartfelt conversation. The episode is recorded from the vibrant Los Angeles studios at Bad Ladder, bringing a fresh dynamic to the usual setup. Stavros introduces Amy while sharing a lighthearted moment about convincing his friend Eldis to join them in LA.

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Amy Miller's Personal Journey

Early Life and Family Dynamics (00:18 - 20:00)

Amy opens up about her challenging childhood, where she grapples with the loss of her father at a young age. This revelation sets the stage for a deep dive into her family's complexities.

Amy Miller (04:43): "I did make love with a Baltimore Raven."

Stavros Halkias (19:46): "Dead dad, sad."

Discovering Family Secrets and Impact (19:28 - 25:00)

Amy reveals a startling family secret discovered later in life: her biological father was not who she thought he was. This discovery unfolds the layers of her family's struggles and the emotional turmoil she experienced.

Amy Miller (19:57): "The other guy was dead as well. Now he died when I died. I was 20."

Stavros Halkias (20:00): "You didn't even get to fuck him."

Adjusting to Adulthood and Career (25:00 - 35:00)

Transitioning into adulthood, Amy discusses her move to Berkeley and her foray into stand-up comedy. She reflects on balancing personal trauma with the demands of a burgeoning career in comedy, highlighting the resilience required to pursue her passion.

Amy Miller (32:38): "I started standup like three months later."

Stavros Halkias (34:00): "But I remember a lot of VHS's, but I don't remember when DVDs took over."

Navigating Relationships and Personal Growth (35:00 - 45:00)

Amy delves into her romantic life, examining past relationships and her current partnership. She candidly talks about her desire for meaningful connections and the challenges of maintaining relationships amidst personal insecurities.

Amy Miller (09:48): "It was really fun. Yeah. He was really nice."

Stavros Halkias (11:22): "A mom. Fucking courtside."

---

Advice Segment: Listener Questions

Caller from Canada on Relationship Dynamics (50:33 - 58:00)

A listener from Canada seeks advice about her long-term boyfriend reconnecting with an ex-friend who previously attempted to extort nude photos from her partner and another ex-girlfriend. Amy and Stavros dissect the complexities of trust, boundaries, and the discomfort surrounding the potential rekindling of a toxic friendship.

Caller (50:33): "I'm a 30 year old woman... this guy just makes me super uncomfortable."

Stavros Halkias (53:27): "If he was somebody who just didn't do anything wrong... this is somebody who fucking committed a fuck."

Self-Esteem and Binge Eating Issues (59:15 - 67:15)

Another caller grapples with self-esteem issues that lead to binge eating, despite maintaining a healthy lifestyle. The hosts discuss the interplay between mental health and eating behaviors, emphasizing the importance of therapy and open communication with loved ones.

Caller (60:10): "I hate myself... I just fucking binge, eat like crazy."

Amy Miller (65:04): "Sound like you've been taught... brain chemistry will tell you a lot of fudgeing lies."

Friendship and Roommate Compatibility (72:52 - 85:02)

A listener contemplates living with a best friend who is a full lesbian, fearing incompatibility due to differing lifestyles and preferences. Amy and Stavros explore the potential strains of cohabiting with close friends, advising clear communication and setting boundaries to preserve the friendship.

Caller (92:15): "She is full lesbian and I'm a straight guy... she's a very go, go, go all the time type person."

Stavros Halkias (94:43): "If you're a young guy... just fuck whoever you want."

Other Quick Callers and Final Thoughts (85:32 - End)

The episode wraps up with brief interactions from additional callers, touching on topics like relationship milestones and compatibility. The hosts maintain their signature blend of humor and bluntness, offering straightforward advice while keeping the tone light.

Caller (105:07): "How long should some couple in their 30s date before... getting married?"

Stavros Halkias (105:28): "You're young... explore at this age."

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Conclusion

Episode #118 of Stavvy's World offers a compelling mix of personal storytelling and candid advice, anchored by Amy Miller's authentic sharing of her life's journey. Stavros and Amy navigate complex emotional landscapes with humor and honesty, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful insights. The episode underscores the importance of communication, self-awareness, and resilience in overcoming personal challenges and maintaining healthy relationships.

Notable Quotes:

• Amy Miller (19:57): "The other guy was dead as well. Now he died when I died. I was 20."
• Stavros Halkias (50:33): "What the fuck?"
• Amy Miller (65:04): "Sound like you've been taught... brain chemistry will tell you a lot of fudgeing lies."
• Stavros Halkias (105:28): "You're young... explore at this age."

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This summary encapsulates the essence of Episode #118, highlighting Amy Miller's personal narrative and the hosts' approach to addressing listener concerns. Whether dealing with family secrets, relationship dilemmas, or self-esteem battles, this episode delivers a blend of relatability and levity that resonates with a diverse audience.

Transcript

[Stavros Halkias]

How do you make an Airbnb a vrbo.

[Amy Miller]

Picture a vacation rental with a host.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who'S showing you every room like you've.

[Amy Miller]

Never seen a house before.

[Stavros Halkias]

Now get rid of them. There you go. No host ever. Now it's a vrbo.

[Amy Miller]

Make it a vrbo. At Walden University, we get the W.

[Stavros Halkias]

We come here for more than just a degree. We come here to make an impact.

[Amy Miller]

We step up when everything is on.

[Stavros Halkias]

The line and we create opportunities. At Walden University, we learn the skills to get us to the next level.

[Amy Miller]

Plus, with flexible online learning, we can do it on our time. Now it's your time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get the W. Walden University.

[Amy Miller]

Set a course for change. Visit waldenu.edu to learn more.

[Stavros Halkias]

Certified to operate by Chev. Welcome Everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV call in will solve all your problems. As you can see, we got a little travel episode here. We're in our beautiful Los Angeles studios at Bad Ladder. Shout out to the mysterious Mo. Eldis is actually here this time.

[Eldis]

What's up, everyone?

[Stavros Halkias]

I made him leave. He was going to spend quality time with his wife and I said no. Come to Los Angeles on a last minute flight.

[Eldis]

You got to go to LA for. You got to go for like 72 hours.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got to come. We have to do podcasts and it's last minute and so you will have a middle seat in Delta and it will probably be $700, so I can't. And comfort plus big guy. Sorry.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, yeah, it's my job, babe.

[Eldis]

My seat coming here was 55E, so.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was backed by this shit.

[Amy Miller]

High number's good, right? Bigger.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's bigger. Yeah. We thought it was like pant size. Like. Oh, sorry, Eldis. We tried to get you in the biggest size we could.

[Amy Miller]

Top size.

[Stavros Halkias]

So. Yes. Don't freak out, don't have an autistic meltdown because it's not the background you're used to. We love the studio here. We put a little. Some touches of home.

[Amy Miller]

Home country.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, of the home country. And this gives us an opportunity to get some of our pals from Los Angeles on the show. Mix it up for you guys. Cause we're gonna go on tour. We wanna have. We wanna get, you know, little, little different flavors going in today. We have my buddy, Amy Miller. How's it going? Thanks for coming.

[Amy Miller]

Cristo Saneste.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cristo Saneste. Yeah. This will be the EAs.

[Amy Miller]

I don't know when it's coming up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, actually, maybe, dude. Who knows?

[Amy Miller]

I was jealous that you Dressed for Thanksgiving with Caleb. And I wanted to come as like a sexy Santa. But then I was like, what if it comes out in January?

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, it's not coming out. It is January, Amy, as you know. Happy 2025. We just were all having a great time at the famous Los Angeles ball drop ceremony. Do you guys have.

[Amy Miller]

We're going to the inauguration tomorrow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yes. Yeah, we're flying. That's why we had. We only had 72 hours for elders to get here. We had to get to the inauguration asap.

[Amy Miller]

We got plans.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no terroristic threats to our great next leader. It'll just be nice to see such a vital power exchange from Joe Biden to Donald Trump.

[Amy Miller]

Strong handshake.

[Stavros Halkias]

Strong handshake. I do hope Biden does something really fun at the inauguration, which is soon or has just happened.

[Amy Miller]

I hope they have some sand for him to walk on. That's my favorite.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Good for him, man. He's gonna. He's not gonna make it to the motherfu. Who's the motherfucker that won't die?

[Amy Miller]

Strom Sermons?

[Stavros Halkias]

Jimmy Cardinal.

[Amy Miller]

No, he died.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, he's dead. He's dead. His half black love child came out to light while he was being racist as hell. Fully was having sex with a black lady.

[Amy Miller]

I can't believe it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so weird. That must be the only instance of.

[Amy Miller]

That happening of someone fucking someone they hate.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I guess. Can we. I guess. Should we get to your dating life? Is that a perfect segue?

[Amy Miller]

My dating life is going great.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. Now it is. Right? Yes. That's very cute. Have you been. What about before? Cause this very sweet guy met your. Your current beau.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, I've been in like a few long term relationships.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you a long term relationship gal?

[Amy Miller]

I mean, I will for the right person, but in between, you know, I really get it in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let it fly.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. I was realizing. I don't think I've ever told you this, but a special nugget for you during my mid 2000s.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Amy Miller]

Hoe days.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mid 2000s. Nice.

[Amy Miller]

I did make love with a Baltimore Raven.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. You haven't seen this the first time I'm hearing this.

[Amy Miller]

I was saving it.

[Stavros Halkias]

You saved it on camera. To see my actual delight and glee. We would have been. You don't understand how much closer we'd be right now if the first time you met me. Oh. If you had dropped that like Hangout 3 or 4. I'd be in you. I'd be the best. I'd be officiating your wedding. You know what I mean?

[Amy Miller]

We should be closer anyway.

[Stavros Halkias]

We should. This helps a lot. I don't even.

[Amy Miller]

Okay, I'm obviously. I'm obviously not gonna say his name. I'll tell you after. But I don't think he saw a lot of game time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Amy Miller]

It was confirmed that he was a Raven at the time. He was a very nice man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mid 2000s.

[Amy Miller]

Okay, interesting. And then he hopped around a lot of teenagers. But I don't even know if you would know his name.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't either way. But while you had sex with him, he was on the roster.

[Amy Miller]

Yes, absolutely. Yeah. But he had an apartment in New York. Yeah. Wonderful man. I survived a one night stand with an NFL player.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's fun. Good for you.

[Amy Miller]

What a smart way to be loose in New York.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's good.

[Amy Miller]

No, what could go wrong? Just an NFL player.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just the sport where they have so much head trauma that one of the most famous running backs of the 70s murdered his wife. By the way, you know, The NFL vaporized O.J. simpson's skull the second he died. You know, they had a guy throw a fucking grenade in that medical examiner's office. The fucking CTE he had in those, like,'70s aluminum helmets, just banging his head back and forth.

[Amy Miller]

He took it out and put table salt on it and dissolved like a slug.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Amy Miller]

So toast.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, man. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

This guy seemed very aware of, like, the possibility that a woman might be afraid.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, that's good.

[Amy Miller]

Like, he was just so, like, is this okay? You know, consent. It's new to the NFL.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. They had just gone over that in the mid 2000s with the NFL players. They're like, all right, from now on, boys, start asking, just in case. Just in case. All right. We used to only tell this to the starters, but now we'll even tell the bench players that you need to get consent.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, it was whatever year in the mid 2000s, he would have had, like, a lot of rhinestones on his back pockets.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, those, like, horseshoe pants that look sparkly. Lucky, Lucky.

[Amy Miller]

Lucky seven. No, I feel lucky. It's just lucky, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, that's one of them.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, okay. I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Something. Buddha. The Buddha is the truth. True religion.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, yeah, the true religion. A lot of rhinestones.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I do believe there's a brand that has lucky somewhere in there. But yeah, Tap out era shirts, too. Rhinestones on the shirts.

[Amy Miller]

She had almost like an Affliction shirt.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, Affliction. Tap Out.

[Amy Miller]

Beautiful with like a big cross.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that was for you. That Was awesome.

[Amy Miller]

Loved it. Yeah. I mean, so sparkly.

[Stavros Halkias]

It drew you in. And then you saw the muscles.

[Amy Miller]

We watched Soul Plane.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome. Little hint there. She won't say his name, but little. Some bread crumbs.

[Amy Miller]

Very astute. Now I just sound racist, but I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Have watched Soulplay with a girl I fuck. That is actually true.

[Amy Miller]

That's so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is a good. It's funny. It's a funny. Like, it's also.

[Amy Miller]

It's safe.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's also a funny document to show people, like, who weren't. It's like, yeah, Kevin Hart. This is before he was famous. It's like, a fun thing for people who don't know about him.

[Amy Miller]

Totally.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's. It's a fun movie.

[Amy Miller]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's really a good time.

[Amy Miller]

He also made, like, a rum punch.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, his own rum punch.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, it was nice. He was such a gentleman. Yeah. This is like, pre uber New York. So he, like, called me a town car. Like, wow, that's a classy move.

[Stavros Halkias]

Moments after the train, he was actually on the phone while having sex. No, I'm kidding.

[Amy Miller]

He seems nice for a little bit.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's like, all right, we won't refill the health bar, but we'll get you halfway before we leave. You slept for a little bit. This may be the funniest option. Rest after taking. After taking this kind of affliction pounding. After taking this rhinestone gene pile driving. That's nice.

[Amy Miller]

I'm not even, really, like, a. I don't, like, hook up with strangers. I don't judge. Obviously, it's not, like, my thing, but I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, come on. Mid 2000 NFL player.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's fun.

[Amy Miller]

That's the worst choice you could make.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. In terms of the bucket list, like, look back fondly on some dickings. That's a fun one to have.

[Amy Miller]

It was really fun. Yeah. He was really. He was really nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly. Nice guy, athlete. I don't know if there's like, I guess, for. What's the equivalent for. I mean, guys, it's just literally hot. Any hot woman, I don't really care what her profession is, but I would love to hook up with a professional athlete, but I don't think it's the same.

[Amy Miller]

Like, what sport? I'm open to the NBA.

[Stavros Halkias]

Honestly, I would love that. I would love that. I have no problem talking to a taller woman. I think it's fun.

[Amy Miller]

I think it's actually what I love about you. You're not, like, basic in your choices.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no. I think it's a mark of strength. And in fact, one of the things I. One of the pictures I admire most, or a couple, or like, an image I admire most, is a short man with a hot woman who's just towering over him. And he doesn't give. There's Joe Pesci with, like, his wife in the 90s, and he's like, truly up to her tits, and he's the man. It's cool.

[Amy Miller]

How comfortable would that be, though?

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's the other thing. I don't get to really feel held. I don't really get to feel held even when I've had girlfriends. Do the token, you know, little. Make me the little spoon. I mean, their arms are not getting all the way around. These girls are not. If I get a girl with a real wingspan.

[Amy Miller]

Olympic shot putter.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they're a little stocky. I need length. You know what I mean? I need somebody to be able to get the whole stomach from behind. I've never had that. I've never had that feeling. I'm so open to all of these. You have no idea how much I would love to be.

[Amy Miller]

I feel like you could.

[Stavros Halkias]

A WNBA husband. That would be so sweet.

[Amy Miller]

That would be so awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

A mom. Fucking courtside.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's go, baby. Come on. And fuck this bitch.

[Amy Miller]

Geared up, talking shit.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love hoops. I love talking shit. It would be the dream come true. So. And it's like, all of them are taller than me.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's not a single. Well, I mean. I mean, maybe there's like a guard in the W.N.B.A. that's my height, but it's like, even guards are like, five, ten.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. I love this idea.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I'm open to it. And then. Yeah. A jacked Lego.

[Amy Miller]

I like that. You like the spice of life. You know, I'm all over it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give me any.

[Amy Miller]

Give me. I appreciated when you told me at an airport that you would buy stock in my pussy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I did. Cause you're a great. Yes.

[Amy Miller]

So much.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because you got a good. You're great. You're a great hang. You know what I mean? And I just felt like. Cause you met that. Cause I remember you just met a random. Your current. If we can divulge.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, you talk about it.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Your boyfriend was just a guy in a different city in Nebraska. In Nebraska that you on Tinder found. And this guy has pretty much uprooted his life to be with you. And that's. If that's not worth buying stock in this man left the cornfields, he left the quad, the quiet of the Midwest to put up with a big city. If that's not a pussy worth buying, getting some dividends in, I don't know what is. That's all I'm saying.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, some long term, reasonable options.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Now, look, you're not gonna get rich overnight.

[Amy Miller]

It's not that kind of stock.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you want your portfolio. It's gonna pay over time. It's coming.

[Amy Miller]

He's also the best. Like, I don't deserve him at all. But I appreciate that about you. And we were at. At Bob Hope's Burbank Airport.

[Stavros Halkias]

We were at Burbank Airport in the.

[Amy Miller]

Middle of the day.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was moments away.

[Amy Miller]

She's never been close to my pussy.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no. Let's put that.

[Amy Miller]

This was for my boyfriend to know.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's like, this is the one thing that could ruin it. We overcame long distance, we overcame me being a comedian. That's weird. But if he catches wind that I even suspect. Stop. Fucked me, it's all over. He's headed back after that Raven. After the Raven.

[Amy Miller]

You don't wanna go Raven's fan after.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, man. Yep. Yep. The fuck? What was I just gonna say? I missed it. But there are some. Definitely some. I hope I haven't ruined any relationships. I hope women out there know. If we fucked and your boyfriend mentions me, don't bring it up. Nothing good is gonna come of it. He's not gonna be stoked, I'll tell you that much. It's not gonna be, like, nice.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe some. Actually, I have. I have got. We won't even say it, but didn't you get a weird DM from some guy that was like, yo, you fucked my Eskimo brothers? I guess he DMed me and I didn't see it, so he needed to tell someone.

[Eldis]

It was actually a voicemail.

[Stavros Halkias]

Someone called into the show.

[Eldis]

It just made me feel, like, extra weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's too close.

[Amy Miller]

Cause we're not supposed to say Eskimo anymore. Is that what upset you about?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I was so sad. I was like, please, we're Inuit brothers.

[Amy Miller]

Was it like with his wife?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't. I have no information.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, man, I gotta hear this message.

[Stavros Halkias]

I doubt it works.

[Eldis]

I remember hearing it and I was like, stop. You wanted to hear it. He was like, no, I don't need.

[Stavros Halkias]

To know this information, man. I don't need to hear. I don't want to know the quality of his voice. I don't want to Know what emotion I want to keep that a mystery man. I don't need to know more about that. Folks. You know, here at Stoppage World, we love to keep it twisted. And when it comes to beverages that are our choice, you know, we're getting twisted on delicious twisted teas. That's right. My self imposed year of sobriety is over. And I'm not ashamed to admit I've been enjoying a couple twisted teas here. You see, we're on the tour bus. Nothing like kicking back at the end of a hard show. And let's say, you know, Spokane, Washington, with a nice raspberry. I'm a raspberry guy. Maybe even a peach guy. When it comes to twisted tea, do you like to get twisted? Do you like delicious, better beverages made with real Brewed Iced Tea? 5% per volume, go down smooth as hell. Well, then, you know what I'm gonna need you to do? Keep it twisted. That's right. Keep it twisted. Keep it twisted. Just like me, Eldis, JP McDade and the rest of the crew here. The rest of the crew here on the tour bus. So grab a refreshing twisted tea today and keep it twisted. Interesting. You don't deserve him. Now, what do you think that's about, Amy, Why do you think you don't deserve a great guy? Cause I think you're a great person.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

He does deserve a nice guy, but.

[Amy Miller]

It'S, you know, but he stepped into a tricky life. Well, what's great is he doesn't care about stand up comedy.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's huge.

[Amy Miller]

That blew my mind. Yeah. Because I'm not. Nobody knows who I am. I'm sure they'll tell me in the comments when they say, who the fuck did Stavi have on? I'm Amy Miller. I'm a very good comedian.

[Stavros Halkias]

Amy's very funny.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. There's no reason for him to know who I was. But, like, he just, like, didn't follow stand up. Like, he literally fell in love with like, my personality. So I'm like, what's wrong with this guy?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome that you were like, wow. Of course it's gonna be my talent that brings this guy in.

[Amy Miller]

He must be a fan. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of an art form that most people don't give a fuck about. Even my career. It's. It's like, if I didn't have podcasts, if it wasn't like, maybe I would be fucking, you know, headlining here and there. But it's like you really have to get famous for other things.

[Amy Miller]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then just Tell me about it. And then you just have to fucking. And then stand up is like, standup is sort of like the rich child. And podcasting is like its parent. It's rich parents. And it's like your stand up career is essentially, you have to become your own Nepo baby. You have to put your stand up forward and something else has to fucking pay the bills.

[Amy Miller]

But I gotta make this money so my stand up can get ahead.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So I can go do fucking shows.

[Amy Miller]

I'm so proud of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, but you guys didn't even meet. I could also see you thinking that if he saw you in person. Cause that's at least for guys. That's also the only way I would get laid very early on is if someone saw a show and was excited. But it's like just from the Internet. It's funny for you to be like, yeah, I mean, he's gonna be blown away when he fucking sees me. That's gonna be.

[Amy Miller]

He does not care.

[Stavros Halkias]

He doesn't care at all. That's what you need. Yeah, that's much better.

[Amy Miller]

Well, yeah, I don't think I'm like, devoid of charm or whatever, but I don't know, I just, I was like shocked when I saw him in person off Tinder, like, how hot he was. And then I was like, surely he's just gonna say nevermind or whatever. I love that, you know, of course it's like, yeah, I have high self esteem, but it's like, you know, dudes are also just like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. They'll get out of there quick.

[Amy Miller]

I don't want to tell my buddies about this. It's not happening. You just fuck for each other, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course, of course. It's like, if only I could be attracted to fucking a man, but I'm not. So I'm going to fuck women and use that as currency that my dad wants to fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Amy Miller]

As well.

[Stavros Halkias]

So he thinks I'm cool. So him and his friends that I hate think I'm cool.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, we did. Yeah. Then he didn't just wanna bang.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

He uprooted his whole life.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's beautiful.

[Amy Miller]

His dog.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love hearing that. Your dog now. Your dog as well.

[Amy Miller]

Of course. Yeah. I feel like I met my dog. You know what I mean? Like, I was just waiting for her my whole life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. Step, Step mom to a dog.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, yeah. She gets a lot of treats.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome. I love that. What was the. Are we talking bad dad? You know, what's the.

[Amy Miller]

What happened to me?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. What's the idea here about not believing again, that you can have a good family? Or like not expecting it or thinking like, what's the fam looking like? Cause you grew up in. You didn't grow up in Portland, right? You just moved.

[Amy Miller]

I grew up in the Bay area.

[Stavros Halkias]

You grew up in the Bay. Okay. Yeah. Because when we met you were living in Portland. I want to say yes.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, I lived in Portland for three years. I did comedy up there, but I started in the Bay. I'm from Oakland and. Yeah, well, my dad died when I was young. There we go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ding, ding, ding. Dad.

[Amy Miller]

Okay, you don't know this story.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, Well, I really don't.

[Amy Miller]

Dead dad died when I was nine. And then when I was 30, I found out he wasn't my real dad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh my God.

[Amy Miller]

The other guy was dead as well.

[Stavros Halkias]

Double dead dad. You didn't even get to fuck him.

[Amy Miller]

Now he died when I died. I was 20. Yeah, my mom was.

[Stavros Halkias]

You did have 11 years there where maybe you could have done something.

[Amy Miller]

Oh yeah. She was gonna take that secret to her grave, but she got found out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fuckin ancestry dot com.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. And then I started standup like three months later.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, interesting Happened. Holy shit.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, and then I have an older brother who's, you know. He's an older brother, sure. So I love him very much, but he's like, I guess my father figure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Amy Miller]

Which nobody asks for or wants. No, you're an older brother. I am, yeah. And it sucks, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

So you're just like, why do I have to take care of these idiots?

[Stavros Halkias]

I do sort of have to be the father of my family in a fucked up way.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

My father's alive, by the way. He's just not good at being the head of.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, when they live, they don't get much better. That's the whole thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Can I be honest? You know, I think you kind of got a nice dead dad. Not that bad. Yeah, kind of nice. Cause you can.

[Amy Miller]

Dead mom, sad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dead mom, brutal. Dead mom, brutal. For sure.

[Amy Miller]

You need a mom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dead dad's great. Cause it's like, it's the perfect idea of this guy. But everyone who loves their dead dad that died when they were a child, he's like James Dean. James Dean would have grown up, he would have bawled, he would have gotten bald, he would have gotten fat, he would have made a bunch of bad movies. But he's burned in your mind's eyes like this perf. Like he's America's heartthrob teen Whatever. You're. You just remember him coming home with a Nintendo. You don't remember him fucking getting caught cheating when he found out fa. You know, when Facebook came out, he fucking. Da. You know, he messages his high school girlfriend. That never happens to you. You know what I mean?

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. He would have probably gotten some cheating revenge on my mom eventually if she. Because he knew I wasn't his kid, obviously, so he was, like, raising. Not his kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God. So it's even juice. I thought it was, like.

[Amy Miller]

Which is cool. Like, you don't meet a lot of, like. Like, women, like, mothers of three that, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

And then have a whole child just.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep. Mixes the kid in.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. Yeah. He was not, like, the greatest man, but I have more empathy for him now that we have all this information.

[Stavros Halkias]

A lot of info coming out about his whoring wife.

[Amy Miller]

Love you, Mom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, it is fun when you get old enough and you're like, my parents truly were just people.

[Amy Miller]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that it sucks, but it's also freeing to be like, of course they're just fucking idiots.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. But if that dad was still alive, he'd be for sure a psycho at this point. Something. Yeah. I don't think I would want to talk to him, so it's kind of nice. Plus, when your dad dies and you're nine, like, you get, like, so much attention.

[Stavros Halkias]

The presence must have been out of control.

[Amy Miller]

You know, church ladies are bringing over casseroles.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. Yes.

[Amy Miller]

You just feel like you deserve it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. When does the idea buffet at home for fat kids must have been honestly, a dream.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. Wish another parent would die.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Again, I don't want to wish. Yeah. I don't want to wish my father dead.

[Amy Miller]

No, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not saying.

[Amy Miller]

Of course not.

[Stavros Halkias]

However, in an alternate universe where Greek ladies were coming through with food every day, pinching my cheeks, feeling sorry for me. If it happens when you're maybe even a little older, maybe, let's say 12. If the Halo lasts, like, three years, you get to 15. Maybe you even get some sympathy pussy out of it.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Like, I could have seen how that would have positively impacted my life. Again. Glad my dad's alive. We hung out for the first time during the holidays in a while. We're good now. But them casseroles sound pretty good, Amy.

[Amy Miller]

And they were white Baptist women. Wow. The food.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting White Baptist in Oakland. That's an interesting type of person to be.

[Amy Miller]

That's what I was.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Amy Miller]

No, it's weird. For sure. Yeah. It got me out of class. Like, that was fun. And then it just put this kind of, like, dark, like, if you're a little kid, like, nobody wants to hang out with a kid who already has a dead parent. Cause that's, like, so weird. That's like you're from a Disney movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? You know what I mean?

[Amy Miller]

Like, I just, like, had a creepy air about me at that moment.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you were like. You were cursed. You were haunted.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I would imagine you were, like, a bubbly kid or where were you not?

[Amy Miller]

No, I was pretty quiet and fearful and anxious.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. Had a lot of cool tics.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, really?

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. Other kids love that.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you were fucking. You were glitching out. You had a dead dad. Oh, wow.

[Amy Miller]

I also just was like, the kid that accidentally told other children, like, Santa wasn't real.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, no.

[Amy Miller]

So I was just like, your parents can die, too, and there's no Santa.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's like my dad's. And then Santa stopped coming around. You put two and two together, and then you let everybody know.

[Amy Miller]

Hairy for other children.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that is true. We don't talk about how much just being a bummer. Cause kids are just so basic. They're just like, if you look nice, if you have a treat, if you're fun, they're around. And then it's like, hmm, I don't like this. I'm going away. They'll just do that to you.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it would be the littlest shit I'm trying to describe. I mean, we had a kid who did have a parent die. And I remember thinking, towards the end of the year, it's like, all right, he's milking it a little bit. Like, I remember being like. Because I remember we had friends. Like, I was kind of friends with him. And then all the dickhead kids who were kind of bullies to him, they were like, over the top, nice. And the same shit. What you're describing. Presents, whatever. Let's all make this guy feel good. And I remember being like, this guy fucking abandoned me and the other guys to be with the fucking.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not even popular because it was like fourth grade, so it wasn't like it was that clicky. It was just like he switched over. He switched up on us, and he was like, I'm cool. He literally tried to turn cool.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I remember being like, all right. I mean, I feel bad, but smoking cigarettes, it's kind of over. Do you remember this eldest, or were you going by that time?

[Eldis]

I Think I was gone, but I think I know who you're talking about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

He's probably like, life is too short, man. I can't hang out with this fat fuck anymore.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hang out with a fat kid. I'm the hat. With those sexy kids that are good at soccer. I'm like, okay, whatever, man. Fuck you.

[Amy Miller]

My family was already kind of like, had this mythological status in the neighborhood. Cause we just had. We were like the big white trash house on the corner.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell, yeah.

[Amy Miller]

With like a. You know, a visible. Like, my dad tried to build a houseboat himself. Like, shit like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just a half finished house that was.

[Amy Miller]

Not that my brother's living in. Oh, no. It could not get out on the water. And then there's, like, a broken fishing boat, like, right next to it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Love it.

[Amy Miller]

And, you know, just constantly, like, fights and screaming and parties and all this stuff. So it was already like, oh, those are like the Miller girls.

[Stavros Halkias]

I see. I see. Oh, wow.

[Amy Miller]

And then all of a sudden, we.

[Stavros Halkias]

Had a parent, and it's like, shoeless with overalls on. You know what I mean? A little thing of hay in your teeth.

[Amy Miller]

Definitely always smelled like cigarettes. Like, I can't imagine. Cause my mom would smoke in the car with the windows up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God.

[Amy Miller]

And so then I'm like, yeah. Just would go through periods of having full lice and pretending like I didn't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God.

[Amy Miller]

Smell like smoke.

[Stavros Halkias]

I see. I see. Oh, yeah.

[Amy Miller]

I'm wearing Brutal. My older brother's clothes. And then, you know. And then I do. Yeah. And kids are just like, that's a bug on you. I'm like, no, it's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's not.

[Amy Miller]

Definitely not coming from my head. The fuck?

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. So you must.

[Amy Miller]

I'm like, there's no Santa, bitch. Get off me.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you were patient zero for many lice outbreaks. Probably at school. Cause remember, that was another thing they made us do constantly at our school was like, I feel like once every comb through your hair, every six months, there'd be, like, the nurse would comb through and find some lice.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, well, it was the worst because it's like, if you had any, you would leave class and get, like, combed out or whatever. And then you had to collect your things and leave. So all the other kids know.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then I remember the first walk of shame of your life. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

In third grade being like, I don't have. They just said, I have to go home anyway. They're giving me a short day just because my head was so free. Of lice.

[Stavros Halkias]

They were like, well, this is the cleanest head we've ever seen. You deserve an ice cream party. You guys can't come. It's just gonna be me. That's fucking awesome.

[Amy Miller]

I mean, this is making my head itch. I don't have anything.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, the psychosomatic thing of I was the worst. My parents just straight shaved our heads when we got lice. They were like, we're not down with this.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which you can kind of do with boys, I guess.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. Yeah. That would have been pretty brutal at school.

[Stavros Halkias]

You couldn't, you couldn't throw Shay's head onto what you were already dealing with.

[Amy Miller]

I mean, I would imagine there were probably some kids at school that just thought we straight up killed our own dad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Of just three little chubby girls, like, we got him.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you had an older brother and then two other sisters. Is that what.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, yeah. And my brother's like. Yeah. Was doing his best to raise us.

[Stavros Halkias]

So how much older are we talking?

[Amy Miller]

Drug addict?

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Well, he's like in punk bands and stuff. So like he was doing that whole thing. He's 10 years older than me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Nice.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he's still in punk. He's still in his punk band. Okay. But that was like. Yeah, So I was a Christian kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

But then they would go dumpster diving and bring you day old Panera croissants that they threw away.

[Amy Miller]

Yes. Wait, how do you know this?

[Stavros Halkias]

Wait, for real?

[Amy Miller]

Oh, you've met punks?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I just know punks. And my brothers and my brothers used to work at Panera Bread. So I know who would beg them for the trash bread.

[Eldis]

I had punk friends who had one of them worked at Panera. They always brought shit to the house in college.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude, that was a classic punk kid thing to do. You just have like three day old crusty ass croissants. Like, hey, not so bad. That's where punks and fat people cross. That's the Venn diagram. In the middle is eating old ass pastries that other people would have put in the trash.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, you don't even have to work at Panera to go through their trash.

[Stavros Halkias]

You really don't. They did start cracking down towards the.

[Amy Miller]

End, but they're lucking the dumpsters behind, so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fuck. That's legitimately so fucked up.

[Amy Miller]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like you were just letting it rot. That's fucking crazy.

[Amy Miller]

But it's like my early memories of him are like watching Pee Wee's Playhouse when I had just Gotten up. Cause I was a child and he was just getting home. Like from Gilman and shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very special memories.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's cute.

[Amy Miller]

But. Yeah, but like he didn't. He had to tell me my dad died. That's also fucked up. When you picture like a 19 year old boy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Amy Miller]

Like that's just too much.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, just your little stuff.

[Amy Miller]

He was probably drunk still.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, for sure. For sure. Mom couldn't handle that.

[Amy Miller]

I guess she was somewhere that we didn't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow. What the fuck? So it's really lord of the Flies in your household?

[Amy Miller]

Oh, oh, absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So did you have other. I know you were ostracized for being white trash, but were there other trash kids that came over since it was like a no man's land in your house? Or was it that house?

[Amy Miller]

My siblings had a bunch of friends and they would always have people over. Yeah. It became like the place to hang out, watch porn as children, whatever. Just like, no rules. That's how I found out what sex was. And I was like a little Christian kid. It's from my brother's porn.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell yeah. What kind of collection does he have? Videotapes, DVDs?

[Amy Miller]

This is the thing. Like all he had was black porn.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting. It's Oakland, you know what I mean? The market dictates.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, that's what the market dictates. And I found it in his closet. I didn't know what intercourse was. I knew like, you know, some people have a penis, some people have vagina. I didn't know they interacted in that way.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right.

[Amy Miller]

And it was all black porn. So I thought that only black people had sex for like several years.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's fucking awesome.

[Amy Miller]

So many of my friends at school were black that I was just like, I know what you do.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know what you guys are up to. I gotta say, pretty jealous.

[Amy Miller]

Wanna study together?

[Eldis]

I love believing that. But knowing Santa's not real.

[Amy Miller]

It was a confusing time.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have a couple hard truth for my other white. You white kids are not gonna wanna hear this. Santa's not real and we never get the fuck.

[Amy Miller]

And your parents can die.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn. That's fucking wild, dude.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, there was just like no rules and whatever, but I didn't have that many friends for a long time. I was like a cousin hangout. You know what I mean? Go to your cousins.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right.

[Amy Miller]

Cause you don't have any friends at school.

[Stavros Halkias]

You were the hanger on that. Nobody was like. It was like, yeah, my cousin.

[Amy Miller]

My cousin was like, cool, you know? Like, she was like. She like, had boyfriends already and she was like wearing like jerseys.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, I remember. Hey, I remember that. No, that was cool. That was cool. When we were growing up.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, yeah. Like the early 90s girl with like different colored, like rubber bands on her braces and then like a jersey to match with like leggings. Like, she was like. She had the first DVD player I ever saw. First CD player. Like she got everything.

[Stavros Halkias]

What were you playing? Do you remember the first movie you watched on that DVD player?

[Amy Miller]

No, I don't. That's a good question.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't either. I don't either. But it just would have been, you know, fun. I don't remember the first DVD player.

[Amy Miller]

I think a Christmas movie or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I remember a lot of VHS's, but I don't remember when DVDs took over. I remember the Godfather one. Cause it was so big. I remember Titanic, Same thing. The double takes, that gold one.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, yeah, we had a lot of double, double tape VHSs on like musicals and stuff. Like Sound of Music. I'm obsessed with. But I didn't. We would watch the first tape. That's fun. So I didn't know about the Nazis for like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Like, whoa, this is such a fun musical. Everyone's just in the Alps having a good time.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, this kid Rolf seems all right. He's handsome, well dressed.

[Stavros Halkias]

Folks, you know me, me and the boys were out here on tour. We got to keep. Gotta stay nice and clean. Nice and groomed. Spring cleaning for you too. Update those grooming habits. Yeah, you wanna throw away the freaking fedora. You bought that you thought was gonna look good. Toss that in the trash. But also update your grooming habits. Okay, I got a little scruff now. But by the time showtime rolls around. Cause tonight we do have a show. I am gonna be smooth as a baby's bottom. Thanks to our friends at Manscaped. And not just my face, my nuts as well. That's right. You're gonna want to check out the Manscaped beard and balls bundle. I got you covered from cheek to cheek to nutsack. Okay? That's all me. That's. They should. You know, I should write copy for them. Join over 12 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped and use code Stavi for 20% off plus free [e-mail]. they got it all. All in one grooming skinsafe technology. You're not gonna nick your. Your little chubby nuts, okay? And we love it because it's very travel friendly. They got the built in travel lock. Your grooming tools stay secure. We need that. We're shifting all over the place on this bus. So trim your nuts just like me. Don't cut corners on your grooming routine. Upgrade to the beard and balls bundle From Manscaped. Visit Manscaped.com and use code STAVVI S T A V V Y to get 20% off plus free shipping. Or if you need it today, you can find Manscaped at a store near you. Stay fresh this season for everyone's sake. Level up your grooming game today. So how long have the. This is so interesting the being like. Like who? Cause I never in my mind like put together religious with like the Lord of the Flies upbringing. You're discussing the. Like it's usually. You're usually so supervised when you're religious. Like how did was this, how long did it last? And how did you get into. Do you have like grandparents and parents that made you go up when you were.

[Amy Miller]

No, my parents. Grandparents didn't go at all like totally like non religious family. Although now my mom's getting into it, of course. Love the fear of mortality.

[Stavros Halkias]

She sees her death coming along. She does the laundry list of sins.

[Amy Miller]

And her Christian president, Donald J. Trump.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, your mom was just out and about probably sucking and fucking when your dad died is like, you know what it's time for morals. Now that I've had my fun, no one else gets to have it.

[Amy Miller]

We couldn't find her till like maybe like 10 in the morning or something. Like no idea. I was at a slumber party. It was like a whole thing. I didn't want to go to parties for a long time after that because like the one that I got invited to like my dad while I was there.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're just dirty as you're Linus, basically begging for an invite to a party. Yes. And the first time you get one, your dad dies.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's brutal. You're like, he dropped me off, but.

[Amy Miller]

Then my aunt picked me up. So I was like, where's dad?

[Stavros Halkias]

What's going on?

[Amy Miller]

And they, and we're like, we'll let this 18 year old boy tell you what's going on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Nah, listen, we did rock, paper, scissors. I gotta pick you up. I didn't get tell you. Okay. As soon as your brother gets out of his heroin nap or whatever, I'm just guessing, he'll tell you your dad died. Black tar.

[Amy Miller]

Heroin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Black tar. Nice. Okay. Yep. Yep.

[Amy Miller]

Well, that is like the perfect environment for you know, in the mid-80s, it was like very common to just like have a church van and send it around and be like, we'll take your kids who clearly need structure and Jesus. And then, you know, my dad's like, well, football's on Sunday morning, so this is perfect timing for me.

[Stavros Halkias]

So it was just.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, we literally got in a van with like a strange man and then.

[Stavros Halkias]

We didn't get molested.

[Amy Miller]

No, we shockingly did not. Our youth pastor did end up being a huge molester.

[Stavros Halkias]

The lice. The lice might have saved you. The same reason you didn't have friends.

[Amy Miller]

That's so beautiful. Oh, they were protective creatures.

[Stavros Halkias]

You thought they were enemies. They were your little guardian angels.

[Amy Miller]

Oh my God, I'm start weeping.

[Stavros Halkias]

You start trying to get that lice shampoo banned. You're like, there might be little dirty kids that need these.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, like, wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

So the guy was a molester.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. And my sister and I spent a lot of time alone with this man and then. But nothing happened to us again. Yeah, I mean, you're probably right, the smell.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think being dirty and having lice literally stopped you from getting a license.

[Amy Miller]

But like a bunch. Because at one one day he just like disappeared. Of course, like, he was just like, pastor Jeff doesn't work here anymore, you know. And then it was years later we found out he like. Yes. Had sadly touched all these people. It's so fucked. But yeah, I don't nothing like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

But at the time it was a pleasant place for you. It probably wasn't chaotic. There was probably a ham sandwich or maybe, you know, some kind of sandwich food, snacks.

[Amy Miller]

Nilla wafers and Kool Aid, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh yeah.

[Amy Miller]

And just like adults that took an interest in us. So me and my one sister like, kept with it for a long time. Like I almost went to Bible college, but then I went to Berkeley.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow.

[Amy Miller]

Those were my two.

[Stavros Halkias]

Those were your two options.

[Amy Miller]

I was like, I will go to Bible college.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I'm like, dream of the like, of the like dangerous, thundering evil place in the good place.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. And she went to Bible college.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow. So you get to see what your life would have been like.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, kinda. I mean, she's pretty out of it now. She's still like religious. Ish. But not like in that crazy way, you know. Cause we got a gay spirit and all the stuff. Of course, once you get to the homophobia, it's so corny. You're just like, grow up.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's hard. Yeah, I know. They lose a lot of motherfuckers with that. But I mean, they gain a lot more, I suppose, I guess numbers wise, if they're playing just numbers, they're probably embarrassing. It is so sad. It's like you care this much how other people bust. That matters to you that much. And I don't want to hear the groomer shit. It's way more straight religious people. There's way more straight religious pedophiles than gay ones. Oh yeah, well, that's not.

[Amy Miller]

Well, this is the thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

But they're all religious is my point.

[Amy Miller]

Not every single one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Other guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's way more religious.

[Amy Miller]

Orthodox mostly.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've talked about this at length. We let our priests get married. That's how you make sure they don't. Because it's like. Cause the only way you don't. The ones who aren't allowed to get married are the ones who like rise through the ranks.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The ones that are like, you know, married to the church. I guess. Guess. And they're such like fucking. They're trying to become the like Pope. We don't have a pope. We call the archbishop. They're like career minded.

[Amy Miller]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

So they don't have time for molesting.

[Amy Miller]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the ones at their home parish, they're fucking their wives.

[Amy Miller]

It's time consuming.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I'm the way. That's one thing.

[Amy Miller]

Kids are quick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. That's the thing about these Catholic molesters. They don't fucking really love the church. You should be praying, you should be trying to get rise up through the ranks. But. But yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Well, this is how fucked up and conservative that church was. Is that when all this shit came out about the molester youth pastor? You know, we had had another friend from church we grew up with who had since come out of the closet and changed his name and all this stuff and they were like, you know. Oh yeah, it's really sad about Pastor Jeff. The devil got to him, you know. Cause Satan makes you mock.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Of course.

[Amy Miller]

If you're weak, you know, if you're weak.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

We all have moments of weakness.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Of course. Thank you.

[Amy Miller]

Where we.

[Stavros Halkias]

If only the devil. Thank God the devil hasn't chosen me.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. And they had so much empathy for him, the molester. And then I won't say the other guy's name, but let's say it's John. Like they were like, at least he didn't end up like John.

[Stavros Halkias]

At least. Yeah, just a gay person.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, just a gay guy. A regular gay guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, that's why? We're so.

[Amy Miller]

Also, Jeff was molesting boys as well. And I was like, what's gay in that? Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

He was doubling up.

[Amy Miller]

But that doesn't count.

[Stavros Halkias]

That doesn't count because that's the devil. But b. But having, you know, going and getting, like, oolong tea in the morning with your fucking husband, that's Satan. Fucking children while you're a fucking pastor. Hey, look, we all make mistakes.

[Amy Miller]

Neighborhoods with your flower shops.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's bad. That's fucking bad. Buying jewelry, jade earrings.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, they were sick. And these people, you know, they were doing it in the middle of the East Bay. So it's like, you really have to commit to being, like, a fundamentalist Christian there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Cause you're surrounded by queers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. It's very gay over there. That's why it was shocking to me to hear about that. But, hey, I guess that's. You have to be that fucking. You have to be really smart.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, yeah, for sure. Looking for something, some structure, something at all.

[Stavros Halkias]

So what happens through Berkeley? Like, started to fade.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, you know, I tried it for a while. I was, like, going to. There's this park called People's park that's since been demolished because a lot of unhoused people live there, and they don't want that. But this has been happening, like, since the 60s. Like, people have just lived in this park. It's pretty chill. Yeah, whatever. I mean, yeah, like, people are doing drugs sometimes, but it's not like a violent place. It's just like. I don't know. But it's in the middle of Berkeley, right. By kids. But I used to go there with hot chocolate and try to save people. Like my first human.

[Stavros Halkias]

Spread the word. You were still trying that type of stuff. Interesting.

[Amy Miller]

But then, like, you know, it had been. I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you weren't.

[Amy Miller]

We were doing other stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Christian sex, which God is like, that's all good. Yeah, get your fussy.

[Amy Miller]

I'm real concerned with the horse.

[Stavros Halkias]

But once the pussy gets in the.

[Amy Miller]

Between your thighs after school while you're watching Dawson's Creek DVDs. That's fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome. That is so. That is ultimately what probably gets so many people is having sex, then being like, wait, this was a big deal.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, yeah. It was like, he had been my boyfriend since high school. Like, I was like, this doesn't feel like sinful.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

I've made this teenage boy wait, like, three years crazy, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

And he was very supportive and nice about it, but I was just like, this seems fucking dumb. And then, yeah, the homophobia.

[Stavros Halkias]

Corny.

[Amy Miller]

So many things. I got an education. That tends to happen.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Religion started showering. You started being able to afford food without the church giving it to you. And you're like, hey, I have a full stomach and I've read a few books.

[Amy Miller]

Started working at the video store.

[Stavros Halkias]

Video.

[Amy Miller]

You know, just studying cinema, of course. Watch a few French films and God. Seems silly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Of course. That's so fucking funny. And then you were. So then what do you. Cause it sounds like if I'm putting the chronology together, you don't start. Stand up till you're 30.

[Amy Miller]

Or like, yeah, I'm 31.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the mid. What's the 20s look like? What are you doing in that zone?

[Amy Miller]

Working in. First nonprofit and then working in music and working in tech.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, like that. Yeah, the mid-2000s, kind of tech San Francisco.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Amy Miller]

Embarrassing situation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Although Groupon was Chicago, I think. But like, yeah, the mid-2000s. I remember. I remember when every.

[Amy Miller]

People were trying to be Yelp elite.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everybody's trying to get on. Yelp party. Everyone's trying to get on. Everyone's trying to be the mayor of some shitty bar on Four Square. I do remember that Tinder was brand new.

[Amy Miller]

I was.

[Stavros Halkias]

Kids don't know nothing about it.

[Amy Miller]

This is true. I was one of the first Yelp users because, wow. My very good high school friend was like, the first and lead engineer at Yelp, doing very well for himself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Good for him.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, yeah, he's the best. But I remember he was just like. I was waiting tables at the time, so he was like, can you, like, write some reviews on this website? That's for people to review hilarious restaurants and shit. And I'm like, this seems like the worst fucking idea I've ever heard.

[Stavros Halkias]

People are gonna be mean. Yeah. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

And so all my early reviews are so embarrassing. You know, they're just like, beauty Bar or whatever. Like, it's great to dance there. Dance the night away at Beauty Bar. Five stars.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so fucking funny.

[Amy Miller]

So I deleted my account. Like, someone very high up at Yelp was like, hey, you can't. If you delete your account, like, all these first reviews go away for all these, like, pretty major. And I was like, I don't give a fuck.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, who cares?

[Amy Miller]

This is horrible.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. What? Can I have 1% of the company? You're like, okay, I won't Delete them. Give me $500,000. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. On a platform that is just for people to insult me while I'm waiting tables. I used to love getting bad reviews that I knew were about me, though. I'll tell people my name. Amy. No, Amy.

[Stavros Halkias]

You should have given them a fake name when you were being a bitch. To just track it when you thought.

[Amy Miller]

You were being nice versus when you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Were being a bitch. That would have been fun to see. Like, how do people perceive.

[Amy Miller]

Well, yeah, I mean, the bitchiness was relative. The worst Yelp review I ever got is because it was like, six college kids that had, like, a $25 bill and they wanted to split it on six cards. And I go, you know what? I'll take care of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Amy Miller]

I got no charge. Leave. Whatever. I'm just not doing this. I'm not running six cards through this pos.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, that's.

[Amy Miller]

And they gave me a one star Yelp review and said, Amy was very rude. And I'm like, I literally comped their meal.

[Stavros Halkias]

It sounds like San Francisco to me. Sounds like some fucking shitty rich college kids. Are you ready to optimize your nutrition? This year, Factor has chef made gourmet meals that make eating well easy. We're on the road. We had Benny Butt Cheeks, the consigliere of Thavi Baby Enterprises. We were feasting on Factor meals. We need things that are easy to munch on. We got a little fridge here in the tour bus. I'm not eating bad. I told you guys this tour's gonna be different. We're packing our food, and a big, big help for us is Factor meals. You can lose up to eight pounds in eight weeks with Factor Keto meals. Me personally, I don't eat factor for every meal, so I'm not really cranking that eight pounds in eight weeks situation. But I'm doing good. I've actually lost a little weight on this tour, thanks in large part to Factor Meals. They arrive fresh and fully prepared, perfect for any activity, all kinds of different dietary preferences. We got our beautiful video guy. He's a vegetarian. They got stuff for him, but you know me, I'm a protein bastard. I need that stuff, man. And they got me locked and loaded over at Factor. No matter how you want to eat, Factor can help you feel your best all day long with wholesome smoothies, breakfast grab and go snacks, and more add ons. Reach your goals this year with ingredients you can trust and convenience that can't be beat. Eat smart with Factor. Get [e-mail] FactorPodcast and use FactorPodcast to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code [e-mail] FactorPodcast to get 50% OFF plus free shipping on your first box. Well, that's fascinating. You clearly have a wealth of knowledge, Amy. You have a lot to tell the people. So true. You've had a lot.

[Amy Miller]

I've been alive a long time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hilarious. I mean a fucked up childhood. But you have a good sense of humor about it.

[Amy Miller]

Sad.

[Stavros Halkias]

And we have. Hopefully we can help others and. Man, this is so small eldest. I can't see dick.

[Amy Miller]

We can maybe not a thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe maximize it or some shit. Or make it bigger. Whatever the fuck.

[Eldis]

Let's see.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't know how to click the fucking window. You know what the fuck I'm saying?

[Amy Miller]

I can't even come close to reading that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. It's not even a sort of a possibility. There you go. So close, Elvis. There you go, buddy. Okay. Play the Control plus.

[Amy Miller]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Play it. Oh.

[Caller]

Hey Stavi. I have a situation I'd like your take on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Caller]

Calling from Canada, by the way. I'm 30 year old woman. My long term boyfriend. We've been together for eight years. He's 32. He had a childhood best friend that he essentially outgrew and cut off about five years ago. There was a lot of reasons why, but the straw that broke the camel's back was that essentially this scumbag of a guy tried to extort my boyfriend for nude pictures of me.

[Stavros Halkias]

What?

[Caller]

As well as my boyfriend's ex girlfriend.

[Stavros Halkias]

What the fuck?

[Caller]

And there was so much more than that. I won't take up your time. Essentially this person now started working out at our gym and reached out to reconnect with my boyfriend and his former best friend. And my boyfriend seems to be kind of entertaining. The idea of reintroducing this guy back into our lives.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's nice.

[Caller]

I just don't know how to feel about it. I don't feel like it's my place. You do can and cannot be friends with. But this guy just makes me super uncomfortable.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you fucking kidding?

[Caller]

And I really dislike him. So I'm curious what you think I have sort of the authority to dictate here around their friendship.

[Stavros Halkias]

What?

[Caller]

Any thoughts? I'd appreciate. Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bye. What the fuck?

[Amy Miller]

But it's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. It's like. It'd be one thing if he was a complete dick to your like boyfriend, right? Yeah, if he was. If he did something like Whatever. Stole money from him.

[Amy Miller]

And you're like, I don't think that person's good for you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you could still say that. By the way. By the way, you've been together for eight fucking years.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, you could say whatever you want.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is best friend. This isn't even like a guy at work that he goes and gets beers with every four months. This is a guy who was exiled from his life. Who.

[Amy Miller]

Childhood friend. Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Huh? Childhood friend who tried to fucking extort him to see you naked and another one of his ex girlfriends, which, by the way, you guys have been together eight years. How fucking old is this ex girlfriend? He's trying to get pictures from like a girl who's like 20.

[Eldis]

He's pulling nudes off a fucking Erickson.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like, what? By the way, what's even the fucking megabytes on that? Should I get these fuzzy ass razor nudes? Why do you even want those? That's a whole other thing, right?

[Amy Miller]

Those BlackBerry cameras were terrible.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is fucking nuts. I mean, you can obviously say there's.

[Amy Miller]

Like a weird obsession going on that this guy has with his friend. Maybe like some sort of weird fucking talented Mr. Ripley shit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I don't. I don't know. I actually don't really get why the friend would want to get. You're right. There's gotta be something weird going on here. I mean, I guess again, this. We always be. We've been childhood's best friends. There's no world where either one of us tries to fucking extort each other for nudes of our ex girlfriend.

[Amy Miller]

He's trying to get his wife's nudes.

[Stavros Halkias]

I really have not.

[Amy Miller]

What better time than now?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Do you like having a job?

[Stavros Halkias]

We want to really understand this call. We have to exchange nudes. You know what? Not even your wife an ex. Although. Nah, actually you can keep those.

[Amy Miller]

You got him already.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what? That's all you eldest, actually. But I don't even understand a world where he wants this person back in his life Now. I guess you. I guess the only. The best thing I can chalk it up to is like insane immaturity or even just like not understanding how bad this must feel to his.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cause he probably said no, obviously. Right?

[Amy Miller]

I'm not surprised by him being. I mean, you know how dudes are. You guys will hang with a fucking demon over like upsetting anybody taking a stand.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is actually very.

[Amy Miller]

He's like, yeah, my good friend's a rapist, but I don't want to have.

[Stavros Halkias]

A Talk with him about it.

[Amy Miller]

That's exhausting.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, that is. That's a good point. And it's like, these are also, like. This is also like potential digital sex crimes.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, you know what I mean? It didn't ultimately happen. I guess the point. You're absolutely correct. But he also tried to extort him, right?

[Amy Miller]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

So it's like. I know you're talking about where it's like, people will definitely turn a blind eye, but he's fucking chill to drink beers with.

[Amy Miller]

We played Little League together.

[Stavros Halkias]

That girl's a fucking bitch.

[Eldis]

Anyway, it'll fuck up the fantasy league.

[Stavros Halkias]

Come on, we gotta find another guy for the fantasy league. The ecosystem is so good.

[Amy Miller]

I also understand her need to be like, hey, can I step in here? Because there is always that thing where you're like, I don't want to be one of those nags, you know, who's like, telling a guy who he can hang out with. But your instincts are correct.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally correct.

[Amy Miller]

This is insane.

[Stavros Halkias]

And by the way, by the way, I mean, I know you're saying about that. I get that to being a worry for women. But it's like, you've been together eight years.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. This is not new.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's like, if he was somebody. Here's where I would feel this way. If I were her. If he was somebody that just didn't do anything wrong, but she had a bad feeling about, that's when I would be like, I just am uncomfortable around this guy. I don't like him. And even then you could, because this is your partner of eight years. And the thing they should want to do is make you comfortable around their friends. You could even then have a conversation like, hey, I just don't like this guy. He fucking creeps me out.

[Amy Miller]

You hang out with him, but I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hang out with him. Don't bring him around to any, like, big functions. I don't want him to meet my.

[Amy Miller]

Friends when I'm doing my nude photo shoots. I don't want him at the house.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't want him there. I don't want him working. Yeah, he's not. I don't want him being the gaffer. You could even have a conversation then, because that's what a fucking relationship is about. You should be able to even. Even go a little above what's acceptable if it really affects you emotionally. That's something I think people should have in a very open, trusting relationship. Like, hey, I just am not feeling comfortable here. And you should be able to feel that way.

[Amy Miller]

And eight formative years too, because she's only 30. So it's like, yeah, you've been with this dude like your whole 20s. Like, yeah, you can tell him.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so the next. And then the next. So that's like, that's what I understand worrying about being an ag. You shouldn't be worrying about this at all. No, this is somebody who fucking committed a fuck. Like he was legitimately trying to commit a sex crime that involved you. It's not even like, it's literally you. He's trying to look at your. He's trying to like do a fucking low level form of assault to you by like looking at your private nudes. You could be like, get this guy the fuck out of here. And I will take it a step further to say if you are. If the person you are with does not understand that you shouldn't be with him.

[Amy Miller]

Not a good match.

[Stavros Halkias]

You shouldn't be with him. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

And she said, this is just one of many things he's done.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know.

[Amy Miller]

I can't imagine what the fuck are.

[Stavros Halkias]

We talking about here. And I do think that's what it ultimately, like the subtext in this call is together eight years, formative years, like you said. People start thinking like, this has been my whole youth.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm kind of locked in here. You can kind of hear that a little in her voice even that. That's kind of the next worry of like, is this if I start nagging now, like, or if this starts an argument, are we gonna break up? And then I'm left to fend for myself? 30 years old, I haven't dated. That's a nightmare.

[Amy Miller]

Old, old useless society.

[Stavros Halkias]

You should honestly go to a monastery.

[Amy Miller]

Nobody wants those nudes anymore.

[Stavros Halkias]

Unless you're keeping it tight. Well, that's. You know how much.

[Amy Miller]

What if the guy was specifically asking for her older nudes?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Amy Miller]

No, from eight years ago, bro. No, no, not in the hero when you first met.

[Stavros Halkias]

But like I get that kind of like, maybe it's not even being said out loud. Maybe she's not even letting herself think that. But I've also, I know people who are in long term relationships who they go from their 20s to their 30s and they worry like, if this collapses, I'm fucked. And they. But here's the problem. That's fucking stupid. Like again, at the end of the day, there's so much time you don't want to be. Not only is there so much time, even if there wasn't, even. Even if you're fucking old as Shit, you don't want to be with people that don't respect your baseline desires and emotions. You know what I mean?

[Amy Miller]

That's the thing is you've been together this long with someone and you trust them. So then you question your own instincts because you're just like, wait, I think I'm saying something really reasonable. But he disagrees. I feel crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. Totally.

[Amy Miller]

But we're like best friends. You should know that this is not okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got to talk to him. And you also got to feel empowered to bring stuff that, that really upsets you. Up to your boyfriend, to your hope, hopefully. The absolute minimum. The absolute minimum. So good luck. What else we got? Big ld.

[Caller]

Hi. Stavi, eldest and guests. Big fan. I called yesterday, but I'm trying to give some more explanation and be a bit more confused. Try and be quick. I'm a 32 year old guy in Michigan. I have a wife and kid 6 months old. So new family, new to all this. I have had self esteem issues my entire life. I have kind of always hated the way I look. I don't. I say that. I know people have told me I'm not, you know, I'm not Brad Pitt, but I'm not an unattractive person. I, I run, I stay in shape. I generally eat healthy. My normal meals. This is the issue. I fucking hate myself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh no, dude.

[Caller]

Hate myself. I hate how I look. There's nothing I can do about it. But I, and my wife doesn't know this and I, when she's not around, I'll go to the store and I'll spend a ton of money on junk food and I'll just fucking binge, eat like crazy.

[Eldis]

Sounds so bad.

[Caller]

I'm talking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wait, wait. You hate yourself and when you're sad, you eat, eat a lot of junk food. No, listen, pal, that way your wife's.

[Eldis]

Out of town, you binge eat, you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Have a good ass time. Sounds like what I dream of when I think of being married. I dream of these days automatically. Like that's part of it to me.

[Amy Miller]

But anyway, I'm telling this to two fat traveling comedians. I mean, are you talking about Saturday before the early show? Yeah, sounds good.

[Stavros Halkias]

You talking about clearing out that little fucked up hotel gift shop with like Haagen Dazs bars and Doritos paying you $9 for fucking two Rice Krispies.

[Amy Miller]

I'm crunching up chips on the cup of noodles and if they have a little cheese in there.

[Eldis]

Oh yeah, well, my wife's out of town. Sometimes it's like you Know it's just like a personal challenge. See what kind of damage you can do with a sea moss.

[Amy Miller]

You turn into an animal. Yeah. Like a wild beast.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whoa.

[Eldis]

Could I really do this?

[Stavros Halkias]

Could she notice? See how I'm noticeably fatter in four and a half days? Okay, keep going here like crazy.

[Caller]

Like I'm talking big things. Ice cream, chips, all that stuff. Like a ton. And it has become a. Because I run every day, even though I feel like shit doing it after this happens. So because of that, my weight's never really gone up. I've just kind of managed to outrun it, which I'm sure is not healthy.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Caller]

The only thing you can really tell, my skin isn't the best. And it hasn't, you know, it's okay. But that's the only real mark that there's an issue. But my self esteem is clearly terrible. I went to a therapist. He told me, literally I talk like someone who was like sexually assaulted as a kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because of the way I spoke about.

[Caller]

Myself, my self esteem issues.

[Amy Miller]

Sound like you've been taught.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, what are you, some kind of freak? Aretha got fucked as a kid. You just eat some fucking bon bons, Fucking man up. Just an awesome, terrible therapist. He went to some like Italian therapist. What did you get? You sell her? You got your little dick sucked by a guy when you were four.

[Amy Miller]

It happened.

[Stavros Halkias]

You just eat a little extra lasagna. Grow up.

[Amy Miller]

Hilarious having an uncle kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

It happens to the best of us. You do curls until you don't fucking remember.

[Amy Miller]

A handsome young boy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't go on quitting. Gonna ruin the guy's life.

[Amy Miller]

I've never heard of a therapist saying some shit like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, we also crazy. We also do have a pretty unreliable narrator who probably doesn't take anything charitably towards himself.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, that's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean. But I'm sure he hinted at it. But anyway. Anyway, let's see what else we got. Eldis.

[Caller]

I felt my self esteem issues. Kicker is my brother was sexually assaulted as a kid. I don't think I was, but it was a family friend who assaulted my brother. And it's totally possible that I just don't remember it. And I was that young because it happened to him when he was really young. I can't ask him about this stuff anymore because unfortunately he passed away to a drug overdose. It just keeps getting messier. I'm not going to keep going, going, going. But long story, long story short, how do I come clean to my wife? I've been Doing this with food. And how do I stop hating myself? Thanks, Bye.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, dude. I mean, look, obviously this is difficult, but I will say this kind of piggybacks off our last call about being comfortable with your partner. And he clearly the self esteem issues. He probably feels lucky, too lucky to be with his wife. Doesn't want to burden her, doesn't want to do anything. I will. People say if what you're confessing to your wife is. I sometimes eat two Papa John's pizza pizzas and then go on runs the next day. You know how much better that is than I'm fucking the babysitter? Like the things you could confess to your wife. This shredded is not even a confession, dude. This is so in your own head. And I do think, like as much as we're kind of fucking with you, I think it is kind of important for you to hear this because I know that I've definitely been where he is. Where you hate yourself for different things. And the shit in your head when you don't talk to somebody and it just bounces in your head, this insane.

[Amy Miller]

Echo chamber, it starts to feel true.

[Stavros Halkias]

It starts to feel true. And not only true, but like insurmountable in the reality. This isn't that bad, dude. It really isn't.

[Amy Miller]

No. And I mean, I feel like even with the. I'm sorry about your brother, by the way, and that's so tragic and whether you were abused or not as well and you just forgot it, it sounds also like you're looking for like, why am I like this? Like some sort of easy answer. But it's. You know, some people are just depressive. It's literally your brain chemistry. It's like any other health issue you might have, you know, and you just like, you shouldn't be ashamed to get help or take medication for.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Amy Miller]

Like, yeah. Brain chemistry will tell you a lot of fudgeing lies. I also want to say your wife probably knows about the snacks. Wives? No. Sh.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

[Amy Miller]

You're never gonna hide it as well as you think you are.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Amy Miller]

But I'm sure that. Cause she knows you well and she knows he's like, struggles with self esteem. She probably doesn't want to call him out like, hey, you shredded.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fuck.

[Amy Miller]

What were you eating today while I was gone?

[Stavros Halkias]

Why. Why are your tank tops. Why is the sweat in your tank tops orange and smell like hot Cheetos?

[Amy Miller]

Why is there chocolate on your abs?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean. I mean, dude, that's the thing. It's like. And what you're Saying is you're looking for a clean. Like, why am I like this thing? The other thing I'll say is it doesn't really fucking matter why you are like, I think, you know, clearly you have an eating disorder. That's like the most clear thing of all. Right, I know what that's. I literally just haven't eaten. Like, I didn't think I had an eating disorder. I'm like, eating disorder. That's like, you know, girls, skinny people, girls throw up. You know what I mean? And then I just like, would hit it off. Like, I dated so many girls with eating disorders when I was younger. And it was a yin and yang thing where you're like, just the opposite ends of the food spectrum. And I think at the end of the day, it doesn't matter why this is something you have an affinity towards, binging, whatever. And it's just about how do I get control of it.

[Amy Miller]

Right. And you're seeking comfort. You're seeking comfort. It could be anything. You could be doing drugs, you could be drinking, you could be jerking off too much. But it's, you know, if your sort of main feeling that you have a lot of the time it sounds like is sh. That's just gonna come up, you know, until you just tackle that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Like. And it's really hard.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's super hard. And it's also, like. It's also. You have to. And the other thing I'll say is, like, it's not. Of all the addictions legitimately, dude, you kind of have the best one.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, food is not that bad. But also you work out. And so we have two different things. You have like, the hating yourself and the eating disorder thing. And it's like, maybe just try and take some fucking steps towards the eating disorder stuff. Maybe you didn't like that therapist. I would say, don't give up. Cause therapists are just fucking people. And maybe you didn't click with one. And, you know, it took me a while to find a couple good ones. You know, I had one I liked in Baltimore and it was tough finding one in New York, but I found one and it helps. It works for me. And maybe. And you need to go in there with like the. You're in there with these special problems. You're not just yapping about whatever you have shit you want to deal with. Self esteem is a hard one, dude. It really is. I mean, you're not gonna really hear it, but you're doing great. Sounds like you're a fucking good father and husband. You Just kind of take all this stuff inward and look, dude, maybe you are annoyed at stuff about your life. This is also classic. The other thing, maybe you don't feel you're the kind of person who can't speak up, so you turn it all inward. I know that feeling. I definitely dealt with that for years with therapy about just speaking up. And I would not say things, I would not discuss things that bothered me, and then I would turn it inward. And that was like a whole thing.

[Amy Miller]

And now knowing that people that love you want to hear that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

And it's less isolating if you talk. Yeah. To friends, family, and of course, a therapist. But it's like you're not a burden on her if you talk to her about this. Like, she loves you, she's with you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly. So you're just gonna have to have that conversation. My hunch is she's gonna totally accept it and see what she can do to help you on your own end. Yeah. I would say keep trying to go to therapy, maybe specifically for an eating disorder to just get really granular, and maybe that opens up your greater self esteem problems. But yeah, dude, it will feel good. And I will also say I have never had a conversation that I've dreaded. I've never had it. And then not felt better. And then. Yeah. And then regretted it. Right. It's always been, holy fuck. I feel not only better about the issue, I feel better as a person. It feels like leveling up as a human being. I feel like more of an adult. I've had those with people in my. I mean, with my family specifically, and in relationships too. So keep it going, you'll be fine. And I promise you, I have eaten twice what you eat in your worst day. And I didn't even consider exercising for weeks afterwards.

[Amy Miller]

I didn't feel bad about it just for a second.

[Stavros Halkias]

Felt only bad about it. When I was on the toilet, I was like, why did I go spicy? Why? Why'd I get the extra hot wings? If I had just gone parm garlic, the damage on my hole would be much less.

[Eldis]

So, yeah, I'm like, send me your workout plan, buddy. Like, I've long wondered exactly how long, how long I need to run to offset $45 of I would have to Forrest Gump it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I want to spend time with this guy and we're going to see what he eats and we're going to be so sad.

[Eldis]

I'm like, mentor me, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, take me until you eat myself too. But I don't run Good luck, buddy. Folks, this episode of Starvies Rolled is brought to you by booking.com booking. Yeah, we're out here on the road. Look at us. We're in the back of the toy. But I don't want to be in the bus every night, okay? I'm here with Eldest. We have our health czar George. We have Saxon, our Cameraman. We have JP McDade. That's a lot of beef in one bus. Every once in a while the boys want to get off, find a nice hotel room, a nice stay. What do we use to do that? Booking.com. just last week in Seattle, I was tired of these guys. I found myself an awesome hoodie room right downtown, right near our hotel or right near our theater. I'm sorry. Found a great hotel. Luxurious, great price. No matter what you're looking to do, if you're looking to stay, you know, anywhere you're trying to stay in the U.S. i know booking.com will have exactly what you're looking for. You know, no matter who you are, you don't have to just be, you know, you don't have to be out traversing America with your friends, doing stand up comedy. You could just want a little weekend, get getaway, maybe hit the beach, maybe get in the mountain, get a cabin in the mountains. Whatever it is, booking.com has it for you. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking dot com. Booking.

[Caller]

Yeah, I fucked up the first call. I'm doing this again, but for context. I lived in the south my whole life and you know, I was pretty slut shamed just for literally no fucking reason. I just have big tits and people were like, you're a. And so now I live in a big city and I don't really know. I've been in a relationship for about four years and I. We're opening up the relationship and I really want to. These two people and I don't know which one I want to fuck. Interesting, because it's kind of a one pass, trial run type situation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pause this.

[Caller]

No death.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pause it. Awesome.

[Amy Miller]

What is this?

[Stavros Halkias]

I just want to say. I want to say love seeing women act. Female dirtbags. One of my favorite, one of my favorite genres.

[Amy Miller]

Big tinted dirtbags.

[Stavros Halkias]

Big titted female dirtbags. Oh, brother. I'm getting hot around the collar. But I love seeing women behave like dickhead dudes traditionally do. And I also like when guys kind of get a little cunty and be gossipy and drama filled. Love when we switch roles, folks. We should all be able to do the stereotypes of the other. But yeah, this is for you.

[Amy Miller]

Live your whole life in the big city.

[Stavros Halkias]

The like, we're opening it up. I get a one time pass to fuck someone and I really want to make it worth my while. That's what this is.

[Amy Miller]

I thought she was saying there are two people she wants to fuck but she has to choose one. Like I thought they were like siblings or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, she has. So from what I can gather, she.

[Amy Miller]

Gets one hall pass.

[Stavros Halkias]

She gets a hall pass. I think it's a trial period.

[Eldis]

I think it's a trial run just.

[Stavros Halkias]

To get a trial run to see how it goes. Which I am incredibly dubious of the relationship working with a situation like this. But we'll save that for the rest of the call. Let's keep going. I just wanted to shout her out.

[Caller]

For this line of thought past trial run type situation. So the first person is this guy that I met at this summer conference thing and he is insanely talented and I really admire him and I've been admiring him for years. And when we met, we were both super drunk and we were being flirty and he's being catchy and I didn't dislike it. But he's also like, I'm pretty sure in his leak, 30 and I'm 22.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I don't get it.

[Caller]

I don't really know if this is just me falling for like my daddy issues, telling me that my talent, that this guy's talent is why I want to him.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't really know what's wrong with that.

[Caller]

But pause this.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's all we have. I just want to really quickly. We're gonna, we're gonna definitely, we're gonna definitely finish this call. I just want to pause in here and say if you're a hot girl in your twenties with big tits and you're thinking there's a talented guy in his 30s who reminds me of a father type guy. Maybe I don't want to insult him. Maybe he's older, maybe, I don't know, balding a little extra pounds. Just speaking kind of in complete theoretical territory here. Don't worry about it.

[Amy Miller]

No, you're not gonna insult him.

[Stavros Halkias]

I promise you he is not gonna feel insulted. And also maybe it is your daddy issues thing. But you know what?

[Amy Miller]

Let's not him.

[Stavros Halkias]

We've all got him. Now's the time to figure em out.

[Amy Miller]

You're in the big city with your.

[Stavros Halkias]

Big titties and you like it. Anyway. So again, this is not, this is nothing to do with this particular call. Just More of a general note for hot women in their 20s everywhere.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, it doesn't hurt his feelings fucking him for his talent.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I don't think it'll hurt you either. Let's keep going.

[Caller]

But the other person is this girl.

[Stavros Halkias]

This Greek girl keeps getting awesome and awesome.

[Caller]

She's like my best friend at the moment and I want to fuck her so bad. And she's super flirty with me. We pretend to kiss all the time type situations. And as we get a little whatever and we're going about abroad for college and I'm like, this is my time. If I'm a fucker, should be in fucking Greece when we visit her cousin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, did somebody AI generate a call to make my dick hard? He's rat.

[Amy Miller]

You've got a shit.

[Stavros Halkias]

A 22 year old with huge tits and the two people she wants to fuck is her hot. Will they, won't they Greek friend.

[Amy Miller]

I guess I should eat her out in Greece.

[Stavros Halkias]

Talented guy that doesn't really do it for her. But it's just. Am I just respecting him? It's not really physical. Like, I mean come. What's going on here? We're describing like if I were to imagine a threesome I want to have. It's this setup. But anyway, this is, this really feels.

[Amy Miller]

Targeted at jerk off to your imagination a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like to get in absolutely. I love to get a nice, a nice scenario going. Oh, anyway, sorry. I'm gonna keep it together and yeah.

[Caller]

I don't know, I need your help. I want her to be my friend, but I also want her to sit on my face and I feel like I can't have both. Thank you, Bobby.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean this is funny. This is also like you're fucking 22. Just fuck whoever you want. Like this is the whole.

[Amy Miller]

I know that relationship's not going to last. You might as well just fuck around right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like. And here's what I will say is like, yeah, you're 22. Clear. By the way of all the people we haven't discussed who the guy, the person. I don't know if it's a man or a woman that she's in this relationship. How long did you say the relationship was? Four years. Did she say scroll up, you fucking idiot? What do you mean you don't know? Yeah, it's fucking right there, dickhead. God, you're.

[Eldis]

I'm toggling between two screens at one man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh fuck. You're momentarily producing. I'm sorry to make you do that.

[Amy Miller]

He seems stressed. Leave him alone.

[Stavros Halkias]

So okay, let's do a little more math here. Relationship for four years.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's 22.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. And that's high school.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is over.

[Amy Miller]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

I hate to just be this. To get this much into brass tacks.

[Amy Miller]

If you're gonna open it up or give a hall pass or whatever, you should get one pass for each gender.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a great point. She shouldn't have to choose by visibility day.

[Amy Miller]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Although then you could argue they get more rights. I don't know any. You could almost argue that's biphobic. We could put it through its paces later, that argument. But. So from what I'm hearing here, you're young, you were like in a repressive environment. You meet people that you want to. I honestly think you should just fuck whoever you want to fuck. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

And you're going abroad, you're going to be in Greece. She's not the only face you're going to want to sit on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Amy Miller]

You know, but I also think somebody's gonna combine your interests and old Greek daddy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's actually a really good point now that we're talking about this to be sat upon. No, you're not. You should fuse this into two people. The older guy, you respect his talent. No, but honestly, from the description here, it seems like she's kind of in love with her friend.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, I think so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of the people you've described, what I would do. I mean, I think you clearly want to hook up with her. Maybe it's a bad idea. I don't know. I also feel like young queer people kind of fuck each other and stay friends.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. I've definitely been down this road. It was tricky to navigate because if it's your best friend, then I'm like, do I just have a girlfriend?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you should.

[Amy Miller]

I mean, we live together, fuck each other and we're best friends. That seems like I have a girlfriend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, yes.

[Amy Miller]

But we didn't like speak that out loud until much later.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. I mean, that's exactly. You kind of like fall into that situation. And that also happens, by the way, in your early 20s.

[Amy Miller]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she's all said, she's kind of my best friend now. Which means she probably just kind of met her. This isn't like a long term thing. What you mean is you met someone that you're kind of enamored with, you think they're hot and you're. What you're holding onto a relationship from freshman year of college, but also with.

[Amy Miller]

The guy, the older guy. She said when they were touchy and flirting. She said I didn't dislike it. That doesn't seem very horny to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, but she has some weird horny. I agree with you. Of the two, it seems clear to me you actually really want to fuck your friend. But I would also say truly doing the bit about me trying to fuck this girl. Let's throw that out of it. I'm not doing this bit anymore. You're young and you said you came from a repressed environment. It's like you can also just try some shit out.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, for sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe fuck a guy like that. And if you don't like it, you didn't like it, or if you liked it. Oh, this is something I want to explore. Like, that's what youth. That's what like your youth is for.

[Amy Miller]

And if you're in a moment where you're like, what if I explore these things and I lose my relationship? Then you're kind of ready to lose it anyway or it'll work out again later if it was meant to be. And like, you know, the guy's chill about it, but I just really want to know what his talent is. Cuz what if he's like a juggler? He's a magician.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he. His. He's so. He's. He's so good at darts. I met this 39 year old father of two.

[Amy Miller]

He's a pool shark.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just what's up, babe? But yeah, if I had to pick one. It sounds like you actually love your friend and like want to date her. I would probably her of the two, but I don't. I think you should be out there exploring at this age. Good luck, little buddy.

[Caller]

Hey, Savi, I literally only ever listen to your podcasts or your show when my boyfriend puts it on, but turns out it's really funny and I love it. So thank you for putting out great content. Love the advice column aspect. Anyway, I live in a city in the northeast, a big city that is not New York City. But I. I have three friends who have spent a considerable amount of time living in New York. They no longer live there, but I have two friends from New York City and one who has lived there for like seven years and all now live in the same city as me. I love these friends. We have a lot of stuff in common. We always have a great time when we go out. However, inevitably when we hang out in a group, the conversation always comes back to living in New York City. An experience I cannot relate to myself having never done it.

[Amy Miller]

That's how they are with the winning team, bitch.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not my fault you never fucking reached your potential. Living in the greatest city in America.

[Amy Miller]

Sorry you don't like to struggle for eight years.

[Caller]

To myself, having never done it, and I just kind of have to sit there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, remember when the G train was shut down, Summer?

[Amy Miller]

Ooh.

[Stavros Halkias]

We had to take the shuttle bus to Court Square.

[Amy Miller]

That's not the real Ray Slice.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't know what that's like. God, literally, us and me and you in Baltimore. And me and you when. When you live in Ohio in 30 years. Eldis and your children, like, we get it, dad.

[Caller]

As they all reminisce and talk about living there and food and the problems and transportation, et cetera.

[Stavros Halkias]

Transportation. Yeah.

[Caller]

While I can contribute nothing and just kind of have to endure this experience, I guess my. My question is, should I say something about this? Should I bring anything up? The fact that I feel like I'm, like, totally omitted from this part of the conversation, or should I just, like, shut the fuck up and suffer in silence? Good luck to hear your thoughts.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is so fucking funny.

[Caller]

Bye. Bye.

[Stavros Halkias]

I never even. I mean, I didn't think about how fucking obnoxious that was. Like, this is the problem is that I'm trying to think what. Like, you know what's so funny? I think literally all our friends lived in New York. Who would we be hanging out with? Where we would be doing this without them?

[Amy Miller]

I mean, give us your.

[Stavros Halkias]

As a non New Yorker, yes, I.

[Amy Miller]

Lived there at some point.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wait, how long did you live there?

[Amy Miller]

Not that long. Like, in 2012.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Yes. Oh, yeah. Because I think that must have been when we.

[Amy Miller]

No, but I spend a lot of time there.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I. We met when you were visiting. Because I moved in 2014.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Because I met you in Portland. Maybe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Probably.

[Amy Miller]

Well, I don't. I mean, it sounds to me like you gotta move to New York.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You gotta go do six months. Have something to talk about. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Amy Miller]

The parks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep, yep.

[Amy Miller]

I mean, there's people up all hours. It's great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, no, she missed the boat because what this is, is her friends are desperately trying to cling to their youth. Like, I know this. And here's the thing, actually, I don't relate, because me and Eldis, we made it in New York, baby. We're not your fucking loser friends that had to move back to your hometown. This is that kind of fucking behavior of, like, still trying to cling onto the fact that you're better than your hometown friends. Cause you lit. Cause I remember being. I Mean, remember when you're 20, I don't know if you had this experience, but on the east coast, especially in like Baltimore or like, you know, these like kind of east coast, mid Atlantic cities, it was like just moving to New York. Knowing someone who lived in New York, you're like, whoa, oh I know they lived in New York. I remember elves would come back to Baltimore with a bed style dress just to get pussy. He was like, finally, now I'm respected in this town. Oh yeah. Cause I live in Baltimore. So those people still trying to kind of cash in on those credentials and it's like, I mean they just happen to be there when they're young. People are nostalgic for their youth and it's like this, they're just like still trying to cling onto the magic of that. I feel bad because I'm not able to give very constructive advice here because I just totally get where these people are coming from.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, they're annoying, but we've all done that.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're annoying, but it's like if I flame out and I was living in Baltimore, do you know how much I would talk about? Yeah, I was just, oh man. Getting slow, getting a slice. And David tell smoking behind me.

[Amy Miller]

My friend a raven once. New York's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

New York's just such a hell of a town. I wanted a family though. You're like making up the reason you left, even though the reason is you couldn't fucking hack it. But like, yeah, I mean, I'm trying to imagine if we were having one of these conversations and one of our friends was like, hey guys, can we talk about something else?

[Amy Miller]

Anything else?

[Stavros Halkias]

We'd be like, shut the fuck up, you fucking loser. But I mean that's also dudes compared to like a group of four women. I don't know if they would. Do you think you would openly bully a friend like that if she was mad about New York, I have a.

[Amy Miller]

Hard time understanding why she cares so much about it. I mean you can just literally go and leave.

[Stavros Halkias]

Baby. Jealousy. Never lived there. Don't get it.

[Amy Miller]

You fucking chopped cheese.

[Stavros Halkias]

Never had a fucking. Never went to a frickin bodega. You don't even know what it's like. Yeah, you know how you go to Rite Aid? Well, imagine a smaller, shittier Rite Aid with a cat inside of it that sells bad sandwiches and a kid making.

[Amy Miller]

A sandwich who's never not on the phone with somebody.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you've never bought condoms from a 13 year old Yemeni on Facebook. You don't know What? Liv is like, bitch.

[Amy Miller]

It's true. It feels true. I don't want to be not on her side.

[Stavros Halkias]

She called in, and it's just getting the same. She called in for sympathy. And we're like, yeah, let's do some of that. Let's do the thing she's annoyed at. Remember when we lived together out there and we fucking all had a small. Oh, that. I can't get it.

[Amy Miller]

You get a $40 obstructed view ticket to see Rent on a Wednesday afternoon. Big pole right in front of you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I don't know. I mean, what can you do? Can you switch it to something annoying? But it's like, you're outmanned here. You're fucked. You don't understand how obnoxious the love for New York is for people that move there. You really. And you miss the boat. And all you gotta do is sit there and fucking take it. Baby, I don't even know what to tell you. Yeah. Yeah. So they live their own in the Northeast. But I mean, if you ever got. If you ever get mad, you should be like, well, why are you guys here then? Why are you back if it's so great?

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. And nobody went that far, you know? But when you grow up on the west coast, like, New York is always like this fantasy. You're like, oh, one day I'll live in New York.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know?

[Amy Miller]

And it seems, like, so unattainable, but it's like, you went from Philly to New York. I'm like, they still feel.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, maybe being poor in both. Baltimore's different for sure. I truly felt like it was like a fantasy place. Like New York. It just does have that myth. I just think it does have that quality for a lot of people.

[Amy Miller]

It's magical. All in the Christmas lights this time of year. Mitch, you're wrong.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, yeah, I'm sorry. It's great.

[Amy Miller]

It rips.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sorry. You fucking did the sensible thing. You probably own a house now. They're probably fucked. But, hey, that's what you get, actually, is the. Whatever sensible decision you made. You put down roots in a place that was more supportive for you. You probably get to experience things they don't now. If you're a trainwreck savings account, if you're a train wreck in your hometown, maybe that's really what this is about. Cause you choose either sticking around and sort of not sustainability, but support a nice support. Support system, or you move out, you have your wild. Either New York or whatever. You take a risk. You didn't take the risk. Hopefully that paid dividends for you. And if it didn't, that's what you're really mad about. You're not mad.

[Amy Miller]

You never went to that's late, by the way.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, it probably is though, because you're down there. No, no, it's over. There's nothing more pathetic than a 36 year old being like, I'm doing it, baby. Williamsburg, here I come. And it's like, oh, there's an Apple store there. It's like, what are you just watched Girls as a 36 year old and you're like, I'm making the big move.

[Amy Miller]

It's like, give me a pickleback.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's over, man. That's when you move to like a cool smaller city, get a farm, you know, you have to do. There's other cool risks to take in your 30s, like late stage.

[Eldis]

You can't be moving to Crown Heights.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't be. You can't have three roommates in Bushwick and saying it's East Williamsburg. Actually, when you're 37, you can't be sharing a bathroom with a fucking 22 year old. They them as a fucking 37 year old man who's trying a new haircut out. That's awesome.

[Amy Miller]

All our neighbors are Hasidic. It's so great. They love that we're here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude, sorry, but you got really nothing out of that. I feel bad, but I got to reminisce for a little bit about how.

[Eldis]

Awesome New York is.

[Stavros Halkias]

How awesome New York is, my youth. It's awesome. Yeah, it must really be obnoxious to people, but whatever. Suck my dick. Can't help that I'm a dreamer.

[Caller]

Hello Sav and hello eldest and guest. Hope everyone is doing well. First time, long time. So one of my best friends is planning on moving to the same city as me and wants to speak roommates. And I don't know if that would be the best idea. So she is, she's. She's a woman, but she's full lesbian and I'm a straight guy.

[Amy Miller]

Full lesbian.

[Caller]

Not anything there.

[Amy Miller]

She's ripe with it anyway.

[Caller]

She's the homie and I love her to death. I just don't think we're compatible as roommates at all. And I know this after having like spent like weekends together out of town, her having stayed at my place before. She's a very go, go, go all the time type person. Always needs to be around people, always.

[Stavros Halkias]

Needs to be doing something.

[Caller]

I like to have a good time, but I enjoy just my own space and just my own just quiet time alone. And when she has stayed at my place, like, we've flashed over a little thing, things like whether to have the AC on versus the windows or, like, what time we wake up. She's a. Like, I'm a morning person. She is not by any means a roommate. So she's just sort of like, kind of, kind of like, stubborn about having things her way, even when she's staying at another person's place.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's insane.

[Caller]

And. And just in general, she's kind of like that. And I don't think it's like a selfishness thing. I think she just lacks that social awareness to where we were living, people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or she can advocate for herself a lot.

[Caller]

We're all together.

[Stavros Halkias]

Keep going. Sorry.

[Caller]

We're also in a band together. A band that's doing, like, fairly well. So not only are we best friends, but, like, we're kind of almost like, like co workers in a way too. Like being in a band, like, you have responsibilities that you share together. So I think we'd clash a lot. And at the end of the day, she is one of my best friends in the whole world. I love her. I just don't want our relationship to spoil. And I've always heard never to live with a best friend because you might ruin the friendship. And I am just facing that for the first time and trying to feel out, you know, what that might be like. And I kind of don't think it would be the best idea. But thanks for any advice, my friend. Thank you. You fat rascal. All right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got it, buddy. I mean, yeah, this is such an open and shut. This almost feels like he just called in so that he could show her this call. But, I mean, it's so clear.

[Amy Miller]

She doesn't know how to say it. But you just have to say it. I mean, just say you don't think it'd be a good idea. It's too much to work with someone.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God.

[Amy Miller]

I don't. I mean, some other stuff I don't really get. Like, I don't know why you care when she wakes up when she's visiting you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Like, that's fucking bizarre.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

I've had breakfast ready for.

[Stavros Halkias]

For hours, but is this.

[Amy Miller]

She was out lesbian ing all night.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is he the morning. No, he's the morning person. She's not.

[Eldis]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, yeah, I mean, I guess it is kind of annoying. Someone's on your couch and it's fucking. They've just been Sleeping till noon. You're like, all right, can I fucking. Can I make some noise? I get that being a little annoying, whatever, but, like, at the end of the day, yes, they're roommates. And I also think it's probably more of a personality clash. This guy seems more reserved. She's clear. Like, I kind of know who this girl is already. Where she's like, oh, actually, we're gonna need it to be 66 degrees in here. You know what? I definitely telling him what to do. And that's if he seems the kind of guy who's gonna not say shit. Here's what I think. He really wants to avoid her steamrolling him and him being resentful or her.

[Amy Miller]

Being mad when he says it's not a good idea.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure. Yes.

[Amy Miller]

Either way. Which I wonder how she treats everybody in the band. If she's pushy in the band.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, maybe she's pushing the band. And he's like, but I think you're right, Amy, in which. In that he can say like, look, you're my best friend. You know, we're bros. We're in a band. That's two out of three. We can't. We need a little space from each other. And it's no. Like, I even want to hang out with you, but it's just like, I don't. You know, this just isn't. It's too much. And I think I want to put.

[Amy Miller]

A strain on our friendship.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like if, like, we moved in together and whatever, we didn't even give a fuck. But it's like the. The reason I think our. When we moved in with another friend of ours and just a random comic. Not a random comic. Comic. I knew. I think it worked because we ruined our friend's life and she. And she didn't say anything. And then every three months, she would have a mental breakdown and we would just, like, put our heads down and like, dutifully clean. We would deep clean the apartment. She would start crying. She would come home from, like a heart heard. The only person with a real hard job. I was an aspiring comedian. I was an open micr in New York. Excuse you. I'm sorry, you worked at cbs Local. Local, yeah, yeah, the affiliate. You were doing listicles after the CMAs that no one was fucking reading and another guy was a comic. And she just had a demanding job and she just got back mess rappers everywhere. We're fucking high as shit, playing fucking PlayStation. We're like, what's. And she's just like, you haven't Done a fucking dish. And like. And we're like, oh, just hi. Being like, we're so sorry.

[Amy Miller]

Some of us aren't meant to have roommates. I'm not good at having roommates because I'm her. I'm the full lesbian.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean?

[Amy Miller]

I'm trying to control the situation and because that's like your haven, you know, home is like, you want it to be how you want it. Of course you can't, you know. Yeah. If you're not combat with other people, then it just doesn't. You just have to know that about your. She needs to get her own little lesbian pass.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get her own little.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, they have the latest. She stay up all night sitting on faces?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, absolutely. Sounds good. Sounds good to me.

[Amy Miller]

Going to Greece.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, that's the other one. That's the big titted one. Let's not, you know, let's not forget, you know, let's not mix up our queer women on this show.

[Amy Miller]

Only the big titted queers matter.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no. The other ones do too.

[Amy Miller]

All right?

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, as much I don't know, but they matter. I'm not. There's a ranking system in my personal. Not. Not that my manking's just a matter of. Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

And also, it doesn't sound like you guys are in your early 20s. That would be a trickier conversation. It's like, this is just adulthood. If she argues it and is like, you're being unreasonable or, you know, we really should live together. It's just like, it's too bad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Amy Miller]

Cause we've all seen this play out so many. You know, once you're at a certain age, you're like, this has never worked well.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You should be like, no, you should be like, it seems like you'll be fine. You just have to talk to her about it. But you're. If all you. This is the rare time where someone has their mind made up and they're looking for us to agree with them. It's usually like, can I cheat? You know, my wife? It's never like, can I have a reasonable adult conversation with my friend about boundaries? Yes, you can, buddy. I feel like.

[Eldis]

I feel like he does sound like a little more of a pussy than her. And like, definitely. It's like on the best friend sing alone, it's like, yeah, if you and your best friend are moving to the same city, it would make sense to like move in together. But if he wants to go like the super safe route, like the band thing is the perfect coverage because Definitely.

[Amy Miller]

We work together.

[Eldis]

We work together.

[Amy Miller]

If you can't do any of it because you're too scared, just. Just lie that you found somebody already.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, same or.

[Amy Miller]

My landlord hates lesbians.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, I'm homophobic now, but only from the hours of midnight to 8am so you can't sleep here. All right. Yeah, he's fine.

[Amy Miller]

A lot of these calls are just people not wanting to have a tough conversation.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's honestly 90% of them. That's what 90% of them boil down to.

[Amy Miller]

Everyone's like a. A huge pussy. I've forgotten my whole life. This is why people treat me weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's true. You had to climb yourself out of.

[Amy Miller]

That white trash muck to tell kids there's no Santa. Yeah, I'm just like, stop crying, you little pussy. Some conversations are hard.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hit us. LD hey, stuff. Hey, Eldis themed guest. So I'm currently in high school. I'm 17, and I go to this.

[Caller]

Church and there's this really bad. She's one of the fattest actors I've ever seen.

[Amy Miller]

Praise God. Praise the Lord.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyways, I. She sings in the choir and I have a friend in the choir that like they sometimes times talk and she.

[Caller]

Thought I was like.

[Stavros Halkias]

She thought I was fine and. And so we started dming. Turns out she's 21 or about to be 21 this month. And I told her I turn 18 soon and I'm trying to get in that. But yeah, for sure our parents know each other, which I didn't know because everyone in the church is kind of like interconnected in a weird way. Oh, dude. Did you know that if you go to the same church, your parents know each other? What a fucking young dumbass. He's just so horny. Like that didn't occur to you? That's what being a community is? He's like explaining it like, we've never heard of that.

[Amy Miller]

Our dads are both deacons and they're like, cringe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did you know that he said church is kind of like interconnected in this weird way?

[Amy Miller]

It's called community.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy's awesome. This is a cute little kid here. Yeah, Kind of like interconnected in a weird way. So do I go for it or. Or do I leave it and some more context? That ass is definitely worth the awkward conversations. So I don't know if it's morally wrong. Maybe I'm a victim.

[Caller]

But she's so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe you're a victim. You're not a victim. Anyways, I'll see you. Yeah, I Get it? But come on. 17 about to turn 18. A 20 year old with a fat ass. I mean, what are we talking about here?

[Amy Miller]

Whatever state you're in, I would wait till your birthday probably. I don't know what the awkward conversation is like with their parents.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who gives a fuck?

[Amy Miller]

Nobody has to talk to their parents about this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who cares? I mean, I guess if they start dating.

[Amy Miller]

I don't know if you've noticed this girl in the choir with a fat ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dad, do you know how big this girl's cheeks are?

[Amy Miller]

She's a little older than me. Yeah, I'm gonna wait till after my birthday to try to get into.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, he says she's about to turn 21. He's about to turn 18. She's essentially two years older than him. Yeah, that's literally nothing.

[Amy Miller]

It's still illegal in some places. But if your birthday's close, you should be able to.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you're a 17 year old boy and you get a voucher and she's within. She hasn't turned 22 yet.

[Amy Miller]

You talk to all your parents about it ahead of time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not even a parent. There should be an independent counsel. That's like. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Yep. No, it makes sense.

[Amy Miller]

Talk to the priest.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, talk to the priest.

[Amy Miller]

He knows what's up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, he gets. If he gets. If anyone gets it, it's him. Dude, get in there. Who gives a fuck? I don't even. I mean, yeah, maybe wait till you're 18, but whatever.

[Amy Miller]

But also, she's not like planting messages. I love, like this isn't like. Touches my heart like I love teenagers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's really cute, the thrill of.

[Amy Miller]

That when you get word through another person, the grapevine thinks you're fine as fuck. Like that's like such a good feeling. She's putting that message out there on purpose. Cause she wants you to know. And it sounds like you're really meant to be. This beautif.

[Stavros Halkias]

Christian relationship talked about turning 18.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So there have been some vibes going around there. So. Yes. As soon as you fucking turn 18, ask her to marry you and do it. The Christian. Yeah. Don't have premarital sex, obviously. I mean, that's clear. I think we can all agree about that.

[Amy Miller]

She sounds like she's probably a really good singer too. I don't know if it was the fat ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think.

[Amy Miller]

Think she's good.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's probably an incredible singer. So. Yeah, dude, don't worry about it, little guy. Get in there. That's good. El, you got anything short and quick to take us out here. Yep. Amy, I think you want a plug. Sorry, we never. We didn't mention that. We'll put it in the.

[Amy Miller]

Oh, yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where can people find you?

[Amy Miller]

Well, I have a bunch of dates coming up. I don't know when this comes out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, it's January. It's not when it's coming out. We're recording it in January.

[Amy Miller]

It is January. Happy birthday, Mom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Happy birthday, ma.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah, just. Amymillercomedy.com I put all my dates up there, but follow me on Instagram. Amy Miller. Comedy. That's the only thing that matters in our business.

[Stavros Halkias]

Only thing that matters for we have.

[Amy Miller]

Nothing else we need for the next.

[Stavros Halkias]

Four months when it's some other thing.

[Caller]

Geico's motorcycle expertise gives me the coverage I need.

[Amy Miller]

Like 24.

[Caller]

Seven claims. I'm on cloud nine disclaimer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Clouds are wholly unable to support the.

[Amy Miller]

Weight of an adult human.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's happening? Furthermore, clouds are not numbered. Even if you procured a jetpack and.

[Caller]

Searched, you'd find no cloud numbered nine.

[Stavros Halkias]

However, at that altitude, you'd likely befriend a flock of migrating snow geese.

[Caller]

Geese who'd encourage you to leave your 24.7geico motorcycle claims insurance behind, as they.

[Stavros Halkias]

Would take you in and even share.

[Caller]

Their dinner of crickets and clovers with you. GEICO assumes no liability for any indigestion.

[Stavros Halkias]

That may occur from a clover cricket dinner. GEICO expertise for your motorcycle. Yeah. Follow Amy. She's very funny and eldest. I said something short and quick. I guess this counts. Go ahead.

[Eldis]

This quick. This is an update from a recent call.

[Stavros Halkias]

Great.

[Caller]

Hello again. I called in about the getting married in your 30s timeline, and I was on my way home from work listening to the podcast because I do watch every single episode. I am the fan. And no, this is not our waiting.

[Stavros Halkias]

For our election results. All on the Colin episode.

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Eldis]

She called in and basically asked, how long should some. How long should a couple in their 30s date before they need to start thinking about moving in, getting married?

[Stavros Halkias]

And I accused her of using me as a way to prove it to her idiot boyfriend who loves the podcast. I accused her of not being the fan, and I am sorry. And we are trying to get more women under the big tent of Stavi's world.

[Amy Miller]

Happy to help.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, yes. Sorry, you know, but it would have been a funny scenario. But anyway, good. I'm glad.

[Caller]

Let's see the results. Although that was very funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Caller]

But I wanted to call back and say that the Reason for the call was I was having back and forth with a girlfriend of mine, and I love the idea that you should wait and take your time to know that it's the right person and she's of.

[Stavros Halkias]

The mind of no, no, no, now.

[Caller]

Or, you know, f off. So I was like, all right, it's time to call into Stavi and get his advice. You're not emotionally amateur.

[Amy Miller]

I don't believe.

[Stavros Halkias]

But anyway, no, I am a fan.

[Caller]

I love the show. My significant other doesn't even. That was unnecessary to say he doesn't want. Anyway, this is getting quite long, but, yeah, thanks for answering the question.

[Amy Miller]

Have a good one. Bye, guys.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, cool. So I apologize for having a pretty gendered answer there and accusing you of wanting to get married to whatever. I guess not. Dumbass. That's not a fan of Stavi's World that you're dating. But, yeah, I. Probably me and you, our lovely caller, are probably on the same page of, like, wait to know is right. Instead of being, like, having to hit certain milestones.

[Amy Miller]

Yeah. Well, who's this friend that's like, just do it now. Do it right away?

[Stavros Halkias]

Probably somebody. She doesn't seem well, projecting. She's probably in a relationship that she's not happy with. And that's. Again, now I'm projecting. But, yes, that's a good update. I'm sorry I accused you of using me to force your dumb boyfriend into marrying you. And we love that you're a fan. Keep calling. We're here to counsel you forever. That's gonna do it for Stabby's World here with Amy, one of our Los Angeles Edition episodes. And thanks for listening, guys. Thanks for being on the show. This was so fun. And we will talk to you guys next time. Bye.