#127 - Maddy Smith

Summary

Stavvy's World - Episode #127: Maddy Smith

Release Date: May 5, 2025

In Episode #127 of Stavvy's World, host Stavros Halkias welcomes his longtime friend and favorite guest, Maddy Smith, for an engaging and humorous discussion that delves into personal anecdotes, generational differences, and the intricacies of modern relationships. This episode is a blend of witty banter, insightful commentary, and listener call-ins that provide advice on various personal dilemmas.

1. Opening Banter and Freestyle Roasting (00:52 - 03:24)

The episode kicks off with Stavros and Maddy engaging in a playful freestyle roasting session. Their chemistry is evident as they effortlessly trade jokes and humorous observations about their experiences on the podcast and beyond.

• Stavros Halkias [00:52]: "Can you back that ass up? I'm like, I don't know. Dang."
• Maddy Smith [02:14]: "Why didn't I think about, I'm losing it."

This segment sets a lighthearted tone, showcasing their comedic synergy.

2. Generational Humor and Cultural Observations (03:25 - 10:00)

Stavros and Maddy transition into a discussion about generational shifts, particularly focusing on the decline of the show Wild 'N Out and its inability to connect with younger audiences.

• Maddy Smith [05:05]: "It's not the idea that wild out would continue to capture the youth is insane."
• Stavros Halkias [06:31]: "Gen Z's almost done. Alpha's right around the corner."

They humorously critique how older generations attempt to stay relevant, often falling short in capturing the evolving cultural landscape.

3. Personal Relationships and Family Dynamics (10:01 - 21:20)

The conversation deepens as Stavros shares his tumultuous family history, including his parents' divorce and the impact it had on his upbringing. Maddy reciprocates with her experiences, highlighting the challenges of balancing personal ambitions with familial expectations.

• Maddy Smith [16:07]: "I love getting any kind of positive attention when you're like a little ass kid."
• Stavros Halkias [20:15]: "She hit that. She was like, let's get back to the Grateful Dead."

Their stories reveal the complexities of growing up in unstable home environments and the pursuit of personal success amidst adversity.

4. Listener Call-Ins and Relationship Advice (21:21 - 79:05)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to listener calls, where Stavros, Maddy, and guest Eldis offer advice on various relationship issues.

• Caller [64:07]: "What is going on here, and do you think it's an overreaction to maybe distance myself?"
• Maddy Smith [65:09]: "Cut off. Don't hang out with him anymore."

The hosts provide candid and often brutally honest responses, blending humor with practical advice. Topics range from handling ghosting behaviors to navigating the complexities of new relationships and dealing with past relationships resurfacing.

Notable interactions include:

• Stavros Halkias [86:14]: "It should take a while after that for you not to want to make them come."
• Maddy Smith [96:57]: "You are treated worse if you are a fat person."

The advice is forthright, encouraging listeners to prioritize their well-being and move forward despite challenges.

5. Addressing Social Issues and Personal Growth (79:06 - 100:00)

The hosts tackle sensitive topics such as societal standards regarding body image and the stigma associated with being overweight.

• Maddy Smith [97:00]: "Society treats you bad if you are a fat person."
• Stavros Halkias [98:35]: "It's crazy how old everyone is."

They discuss the importance of self-acceptance, surrounding oneself with supportive individuals, and taking steps toward personal health and happiness.

6. Final Thoughts and Tour Promotion (100:01 - 119:35)

As the episode wraps up, Stavros and Maddy share updates on their ongoing Dreamboat Tour, inviting listeners to join them live. They emphasize the value of community and the shared experiences that make Stavvy's World a supportive space for listeners seeking advice and camaraderie.

• Maddy Smith [113:07]: "Come see Maddie on the road. Follow her on Instagram."
• Stavros Halkias [119:35]: "Peace."

Conclusion

Episode #127 offers a rich tapestry of humor, personal stories, and practical advice. Stavros Halkias and Maddy Smith, along with Eldis, create an environment where listeners feel heard and entertained. Whether discussing generational gaps, family dynamics, or tackling social stigmas, the hosts navigate each topic with a blend of wit and sincerity, making this episode a standout in the Stavvy's World series.

Transcript

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Maddie Smith]

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[Eldis]

We used our 2% cash back to.

[Caller]

Help build our retail presence.

[Maddie Smith]

Savvy Steven.

[Eldis]

And we get big purchasing power so our business can spend more and earn more.

[Maddie Smith]

The SparkCash card from Capital One. What's in your wallet? Terms and conditions apply. Find out [e-mail] SparkCashPlus welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904, 800 style calling will solve your problems. We have back one of our favorites. Maddie Smith is here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey. Hey. What's up, Stavi?

[Maddie Smith]

What's up?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's good.

[Maddie Smith]

Whoa.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're in full before the pod. Yeah, this seems great. Mike's turn on. How you do. I see you inspire me.

[Maddie Smith]

You're in full wild and out mode. You're off the clock, Maddie.

[Stavros Halkias]

I see that little red light on my. On the camera, I say, I gotta. I gotta bring something.

[Maddie Smith]

Play a beat for her. Letter freestyle.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, let's get a little freestyle.

[Maddie Smith]

Letter freestyle roast jokes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, hey. We end Stavi's world. I'm gonna hurl. I'm a little girl. That's all I got.

[Maddie Smith]

That's good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did you ever audition for a while at home?

[Maddie Smith]

I never did.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. I know a lot of people went through that.

[Maddie Smith]

That's so funny to have, like. Because, you know, you talk to people who have, like. I got so close to snl and it, like. It, like, ruins their lives. It's like, imagine it's like, wild and out. It's like, if only it was me that could have said, Nick Cannon busts all the time and has a bunch of kids.

[Stavros Halkias]

If only it was me who pulled out a condom and was like, need one of these. God damn it.

[Maddie Smith]

Why didn't I think about, I'm losing it. Why didn't I call that guy gay?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, why did I call that guy? Why don't I tell that white person that? They don't season Their food. Pissed at myself right now. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

It's like there's six things you need to say.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a literal drop down menu. It's like a multiple choice test. I'm like, flat ass.

[Maddie Smith]

Flat ass. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You would put your dick in my mouth.

[Maddie Smith]

Right, right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Call the cops on a barbecue.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yes. That's a big one. That's a big one. Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Can you back that ass up? I'm like, I don't know. Dang.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah, that is. You're like. It's like when, like they had. When Fox News hires like a liberal to make fun of them. You're basically like wilding out. You're like. They're like, all right, we need a. We need the palest white girl you've ever seen in your life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whitest girl in the world. To point out how we are always late.

[Maddie Smith]

I've been here for hours. Nick, where's the rest of the. Where's the rest of the crew?

[Stavros Halkias]

In my church. We start on time. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You have to pretend you go to church.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

To have jokes about how different white.

[Stavros Halkias]

Churches pretend I cook, I go to church. Got to pretend sneakers. I got to pretend I like sneakers. I don't care.

[Maddie Smith]

Of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

But if you wear like, dirty sneakers.

[Maddie Smith]

Around black people, forget about. Hey, come on. I know about that disrespect. Yeah, you know, I do know about that. It is true, though. That is what? Like, it is funny because it just. To me, that's like, oh, I have to just go to high school for the rest of my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Wilding out just feels like the high school cafeteria.

[Stavros Halkias]

It really does, doesn't it?

[Maddie Smith]

And you know what? That's funny when you are 14 years old, but it's like there's 48 year old guys doing that level of humor.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is pretty crazy how old everyone is.

[Maddie Smith]

Everyone is old.

[Stavros Halkias]

As I've been on for seven every single season, the EP is like, we getting rid of people.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cuz I don't want. I don't want to work with 40 year olds on MTV. Same season, over and over. Carlos Miller, Chico Bean.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Kick them out the classroom.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, that's what it's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have eight baby mamas and we're. We're like doing nursery rhymes.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Like how Ric Flair wrestled till he was 80 years old.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly.

[Maddie Smith]

Wilding out is just gonna go the way of Hulk Hogan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it is. It's like old people.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, that is. It's not the idea that wild out would continue to be like, would Continue to capture the youth is insane. It's just gonna age.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

With the. Nothing ever stays fresh and relevant.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's like, you know, SNL's trying to do, like, Gen Z humor.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wild out is.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They want to think they're for the youth, but they're for the old heads.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, like, wild. Not. Is almost like Gen X. Yeah. Like, how old is Nick can. Like, he's 40. I think to them, the youth is millennials.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, I'll get people. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Which is like, that's us.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're old. I'm 33. They're like, you kid.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You're such a baby. Yeah. I think Nick is 40. And then I'll have people come to my.

[Maddie Smith]

They just think this is what. How white people age. They think you're 18.

[Stavros Halkias]

They do. Yeah. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, well, yeah. White people look like the. The young white people are horrible. Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

This lady's 12. Yeah, it is like. Yeah. Nick's 40.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. I think he's. Is he older than four? I don't know. Look, that. Do a little. Do a little produ. Would it kill you to do some producing El. This.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's funny.

[Maddie Smith]

I was thinking the same thing, for Christ's sake. And we can't see it. You don't even have us up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. We don't even have the desktop. Idiot. Dude.

[Maddie Smith]

44, 1980. That's tough. And then let's look up the cutoff for the generations.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. He might be a. That might be Gen x, right?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Maddie Smith]

29 to 44. He's the oldest possible millennial. That's tough. He's really close.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it is tough.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, they just started. This is generation not only. So Z is basically. Z's almost done.

[Stavros Halkias]

Z's cooked.

[Maddie Smith]

Z's almost done. Alpha's right around the corner. And now the babies born this year are generation Beta.

[Stavros Halkias]

I saw that.

[Maddie Smith]

I just had a nephew. He's the first. He's the Nick Cannon of betas.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he's.

[Maddie Smith]

He's going to be the oldest gen beta. He literally was born in January of this year.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude. Oh, you a big Beta.

[Maddie Smith]

Shout out to my boy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Beta sucks. That's like Cook.

[Maddie Smith]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, right away, Cook.

[Maddie Smith]

I know. How did X get cool? Like, Gen X. The lamest people of all time. Truly the biggest fucking dorks. Like, whatever you want to say about boomers, they were fucking. They didn't have to worry about aids. They were doing ass. They would, like, take drugs. They would go to, like, you know, Woodstock Free love.

[Stavros Halkias]

My mom's. My mom's mom was like, you, you, you, you, you. You're so pretty. If only we're a little thinner.

[Maddie Smith]

Right. They had somebody to rebel against. See, that's the biggest thing that boomers took from us is like, they weren't. Or at least like the. Especially the free love boomers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Is it like you didn't have anyone to rebel? You couldn't be cool if your mom, like, sucked off Jimi Hendrix. You know what I mean? Like, she was always gonna be cooler than you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hope my mom's a huge Deadhead.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Always. I mean, I don't think.

[Maddie Smith]

What do you think she did on nitrous? Well, she was listening to those.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think she was sucking up Jerry Garcia. I think she bit that finger right off.

[Maddie Smith]

That's fucking awesome. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's true.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So Gen X, to me, they're the most like.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'll see it online.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, because they didn't have the Internet, but they did have aids, so it's like they were scared to. And they couldn't, like, look up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

They were just hanging around, watching vhs. Is together.

[Stavros Halkias]

Very isolated. That sucks.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. I guess that's why they, like, had raves.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

They would, like, go to warehouses and, like, you know. Yeah, whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

But, yeah, Jennings, they had raves and studio or. Yeah, 90s. I guess it was Gen X. Like, 90s. Like, if you're Gen X, were you, like, 20 in the 90s?

[Maddie Smith]

I guess. I don't fucking know. Eldest producing. We're gonna 1965 to 1980. Yeah, well, okay. Yeah, something like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Word.

[Maddie Smith]

20 in the 90s. Some of them, like the people who.

[Stavros Halkias]

Were, like, fucking up at Woodstock 99.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes, exactly. Exactly. And that's a perfect example.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, it's like. Oh, not like, first of all, get your own idea. Like, it's like, oh, it's Woodstock. But it's like, okay, it's fucking Limp Bizkit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You think Limp Bizkit is, like, a cool thing to do drugs to in a field?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. It's like Kid Rock.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. That music has its place and it's. You know, you play the, like, aggressive stuff when you're, like, trying to psych yourself up to beat your wife. Like, when you're too much of a coward to do it naturally. You got to get the Kid Rock flowing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

To kind of. And then Shadow Box a little bit. And then, you know, you play their ballads afterwards to apologize for slapping.

[Stavros Halkias]

So sorry. I did it because I'm. I'm Afraid of losing you I put your picture away Change my ways I will say Woodstock 99, like, punks in the 90s, got to be the scariest group of people. Everyone's talking about, like, black teenagers on a train. A 90s punk.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

With, like, a low.

[Maddie Smith]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Short.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, they were on trains, right? They were like, on, like. Like crust punk type.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. They weren't.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I feel like they are.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're on trains.

[Maddie Smith]

I mean, like, the. They were on, like, the true locomotives. Like, like, steam engine.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're on steam.

[Maddie Smith]

The shitty. Like what hobos used to do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I feel like those, like, kind of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Disaffected punks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, kind of punks who just, like, love pain.

[Maddie Smith]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, you. You, like. You're like. They're, like jumping off a roof after school, like, doing flips off a roof.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What are they. Were they. Were they, like. What are they? What. What were like, those types of punks? Bands that they listened to, like, because I want to say Green Day, but that's not right at all.

[Stavros Halkias]

But similar. But there was more like. Like, Limp Bizkit and then what was like, Limp Bizkit.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, okay, we're talking new. New metal and you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Metal.

[Maddie Smith]

That's a good point. Corn fans. Yeah, absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Because briefly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Slipknot or something.

[Maddie Smith]

See, what happened it. That almost. That was like. Like how all white trash acts black. Like, that for us, there was a blip where it was like. It almost like, got them to act in a scary type of way.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, there was a lot of people that, like, I remember from that time frame that, like, when they were, like, 14, like, gave up acting, like, stealing black culture. And they were, like, kind of scary for, like, scary years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And then they were like. Went right back and got four xl.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, and then it was like the. The throwback jersey era.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

A couple years later, they're wearing, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Y2K kind of like throwback jersey for a second.

[Maddie Smith]

Yes. At least in Baltimore. It might be different in more white places.

[Stavros Halkias]

I remember the touch into the acting. White.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then even Brendan Sagala will talk.

[Maddie Smith]

About, like, Brendan's actually perfect because he'll.

[Stavros Halkias]

Be like, I went back to rock and then I did back.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's perfect. He's like, like, exactly.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, he's also perfect because he had the most privileged, suburban, Long island life. Like, Brennan's never had any. He has. He has had no adversity except not getting. That's the only thing. And, like. And he acts like that's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he does. So.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah, he does now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Now.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Back in the day.

[Maddie Smith]

Back in the day. You know, those wounds don't heal, Maddie.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's tough for a guy with clear eyelashes. It's not the easiest.

[Maddie Smith]

I know. I look at Sago and I'm like, thank God I got famous. I'm like, fuck. He's still talking about the friend zone. That would have been me, bro.

[Stavros Halkias]

That would have been fucking me.

[Maddie Smith]

Talking about how fucking girls put you in the friend zone at 40 years old. And I'm like, good. Thank you for the podcast fame. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for making mentally will mentally ill women on the Internet fans of every podcast I've done. You're the best.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Maddie Smith]

No, let's bleep her name out. Yeah. No, that. It is so funny. But, yes, it's funny because it's like. Because then think of saga. But if he was abused. Those kids are scary.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

Those kids, like, yeah, like, dad. Shut up, dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You fucking. Yeah. Yeah. Like, he Saigo's like, fuck you, bitch. Mom. Yeah, and then. And those kids are like, fuck you. And then they just, like, immediately get punched. Like, a straight punch. And then they're like, time to find the gay kid in my class. Someone's gonna pay for this.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm angry.

[Maddie Smith]

And it's the type of ethnicity that doesn't backup in my class or the gay one. And that's who's getting the, you know, kicked out. There's, like, a random Indian kid in your, like, shitty white school. Or if there was a gay kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, anyone. No backup.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, anyone who does not have a community. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, they weren't gonna make a race. Those kids aren't making Race Wars. No, no, no, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just one. They'd be pulling it in AP Calculus. That's when he's getting beat up.

[Caller]

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[Maddie Smith]

Oh, fuck. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Good at school.

[Maddie Smith]

In high school, I was pretty good at. I had pretty good grades. I. Because I like, wanted, like, I really. The whole re the way, like comedy is essentially craving acceptance from strangers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, I got so much like, positive attention from having good grades.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I know.

[Maddie Smith]

For being like a smart, like, within my family. It was like, that was like. Yeah, I got like, I was better than my. My stupid brothers. You know what I mean? Like, I was like, oh, these. I'm number one.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm number one.

[Maddie Smith]

And there was like a contest like, like Greek. Our Greek. I went to a Greek school too, after. After regular school, which was horrible.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, after school I had to go.

[Maddie Smith]

Like a couple hours, like three times a week, but it would suck dick, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they did language or history?

[Maddie Smith]

Language, history. It was language and history. Yeah, exactly. And because it was like, you know, American Greeks being like, well, our kids are going to still be Greek, you know, And I just happen to speak better Greek. Like my parents just don't. My dad just doesn't know English the way like some people's parents do. And so I spoke Greek from, like, that was my first language. And so I was just better at it. But there was a. Every year they did like a valedictorian every year. And so I was like, I gotta win. And I. And then some came from Greece, of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Course, which doesn't count. Greece. This is. That's not. She beat me.

[Maddie Smith]

And I was pissed, dude. I literally was like, recount, we need a recount. I was complaining.

[Stavros Halkias]

Greek Americans, yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Born on this soil. Good. On a good old American soil. But I just loved getting any kind of positive attention when you're like a little ass kid. And I remember being like, I don't care about. Like, I remember my mom. Like, truly, this is. There's a moment where she had no idea. She was like, I don't understand what I'm up against here. Where I was like, I don't care about school. I was like yelling. I was like, I just want to be the best.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I was like, I wish I didn't care. And she saw me having like a freak out. I'm like nine years old. Like, I don't want to study.

[Caller]

I want to go play PlayStation, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want everyone to give me A's. Massive dilemm.

[Maddie Smith]

And then you discover cheating when you're in like middle school and you're like, oh, nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, sick.

[Maddie Smith]

I'll just take the answers. Why don't you guys tell me?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

What about you?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, it was pretty good. My sister, she's four years older. She's like smart. She's like one of those that's like reading. Reading a dictionary when she's three.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was always like, smart. Naturally smart. But they were like, oh, Emily, Emily, Emily. And then when my parents got divorced, my mom stopped, like, parenting. And then they were both.

[Maddie Smith]

She hit that. She was like, let's get back to the Grateful Dead.

[Stavros Halkias]

She was. She went on. She got on E. Harmony immediately. It was like engineer after engineer.

[Maddie Smith]

Engineer. And so she was dating to. For financial security. Is that why she went for engineers?

[Stavros Halkias]

I really think she was like.

[Maddie Smith]

Or do you think they were building.

[Stavros Halkias]

It out of relationship? And you're like, woo. Dating's kind of fun even though it's not.

[Maddie Smith]

But why an engineer?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it was the combo of, like, in her eharmony profile, she required Grateful Dead as an interest.

[Maddie Smith]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Only nerds, upstate New York engineer, boomers, music scene, live music people. There's a big overlap between the engineers and the live music.

[Maddie Smith]

Do you think she wanted them to build fuck machines for her?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I do.

[Maddie Smith]

Maybe. Like, they engineer like a kind of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So he can leave and she can get. Yeah, he's like, good girl. Oh, yeah. I think she was I mean, she never likes her. Her boyfriends, really.

[Maddie Smith]

Right, right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's always over them. She's very short circuited. She's always like popping off for no reason.

[Maddie Smith]

Love that. Love that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

So this is what. At what age we're talking that they.

[Stavros Halkias]

Split when I was 13, and she brought her first boyfriend home when I was 14.

[Maddie Smith]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

But when they broke up, when they divorced, they were like, we're separating temporarily.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh. And then she brought Mom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Mom got right to it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mom got right to separating. Ass cheeks. She got right down. She brought Bruce home.

[Maddie Smith]

Bruce classic. Of course, not even stepdad, but just boyfriend. Mom's boyfriend, Bruce. Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So nasty. I'm like, you suck. You made us white trash for no reason. We were fine before this. And now I got to tell people who Bruce is, Why I live in a house with a gravel driveway.

[Maddie Smith]

Why a guy with a jean jacket is picking me up from school.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly. In like a 2003 Honda Accord. Come on. Bumper stickers all over her boyfriend's cars. Coexist, you fucking loser.

[Maddie Smith]

That's so fucking funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

So weird.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, my God.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, yeah, my mom, like kind of dropped off when I was middle in high school. So they would be like, I don't understand. Emily was such a good easing kid. But.

[Maddie Smith]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

The doctors to my parents would be like, she's just really smart and unusual.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Most kids are gonna be around.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But then my parents were like, madeline is too much.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I was like, normal.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. You're just like, I get to. I don't have supervision.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm 13.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

At maybe the most crucial age.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like after, like infancy. Thirteen is when you really gotta be looking around because a kid can go some interesting ways there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Getting DP'd on film. Luckily, I was a fucking loser, so I was just hanging out too late with musical theater people. Could have crack. Could have been suck a dick for crack.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. Could have been.

[Stavros Halkias]

Could have been suck a dick for.

[Maddie Smith]

Instead of trying to suck a clearly gay guy's dick, in hindsight, suck a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dick for a guy to pretend to be straight.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You were so good in Anything Goes.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah. He. He's a guy who does love his parents and doesn't want his dad to know he's gay. So he's gonna give it the old college try with Maddie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Here's my girlfriend. Hi. Hi. Your son's a fucking shit.

[Maddie Smith]

Your son's fucking awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he's cool. He's a cool guy.

[Maddie Smith]

That's hilarious. Oh, that's interesting, because it's like. Yeah. So. And then I guess. I guess pops didn't get to separating that quickly. Did it take. Did it hit him harder?

[Stavros Halkias]

He's. He. He was hit hard. Then he. He roamed around for a couple years. Then I. He started dating a woman at his job who ended up ruining his life. I think I might have told you about it before.

[Maddie Smith]

That's all right.

[Stavros Halkias]

He married a woman named Trish.

[Maddie Smith]

We're let. You know what? Yes. Give us the Cliff Notes. This is also. We're gonna. But we've kept you locked behind Patreon before, so, you know, you get to be on the free.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is real. It's real.

[Maddie Smith]

This is real. Man, your stuck in Patreon jail. It just worked out that way. Well, we had a great episode with you and Jordan, but Jordan was realizing she got in real time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

And we. It kind of felt rude to put that on YouTube. Like, we wanted to put that out, but it's like, damn, she's literally going through it on the couch. It was a hilarious episode. Please sign up on Patreon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Her mom was like, did you piss him off?

[Maddie Smith]

She literally realized that her tutor that was like eight years older than her was not a good guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

But the mom was like, come on over.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. And her. Yeah, totally. There was like. She had no. Yeah, her mom's all.

[Eldis]

By the first call on that episode, she was just fully withdrawn, like, minutes 50. She was just, like, quiet, like, not.

[Maddie Smith]

Even looking at anyone. You had a sex crime happening, you loser. It probably changed the entire course of your life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Seriously. That's why you are who you are.

[Maddie Smith]

You know how your life is tough now, you're succeeding, but you're not happy no matter. No matter how many little dogs you buy. What do you think that's about?

[Stavros Halkias]

And she's like, it's about the tutor who put his dick in your ass. She's like, no, it's. It's because of my own ocd. Oh, okay. I have a friend who would sell me. You know how you just realize stuff later on?

[Maddie Smith]

Of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, older.

[Maddie Smith]

Of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

My friend said she's Bosnian.

[Maddie Smith]

Okay, so she was talking already. Tough.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep.

[Maddie Smith]

Already. No. I feel like the age of consent is 11 in Bosnia, probably.

[Stavros Halkias]

So she goes, she's in, like, high school. She went to high school in Manhattan. And. And she told her history teacher, she's 15. She's like, my cousin just got married. She's 12. And the teacher goes, damn, I should move to Bosnia.

[Maddie Smith]

Even as A joke. As an educator, like that's a joke you make with your friends. Yeah, like we could make that joke with the cameras off.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah. We can do it on Patreon. But a teacher being like to a student. Nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got me thinking.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Like, like the only thing it's interesting to be a. That just really abides by the laws. That's like, look, the second they change the law, I'm in there, but you know. Yeah, yeah. That's wild.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hilarious.

[Maddie Smith]

I know. It is funny to think about, like just go through your past and just. How many people felt unfathomably old to you when you're a kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And they were like 23. I know, they were like 25.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You're like this, this old hat.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still remember. I still wonder what our. What? That teacher we were in love with when we were in second grade. Remember that student teacher? Yeah, she was probably like 20 years old.

[Stavros Halkias]

Probably.

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah, like 24 something.

[Maddie Smith]

So she's probably in range. Dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

She definitely knows my mom.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I do love those like little kid ass crushes where it's like, me too. You don't, you don't know what is. It's not, it's not sexual, but it is romantic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

We're like, I want to kiss her on the lips and like hold her hand.

[Stavros Halkias]

Honestly, the most romantic a man has ever.

[Maddie Smith]

It will ever be a little nine year old boy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my heartaches for you, Mrs. Johnson.

[Maddie Smith]

You're right, you're right. They're basically less lesbians. They're basically like little lesbians.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're like, oh, the, the way the birds chirp. Just pull up my heartstrings.

[Maddie Smith]

Writing Valentine's. I literally like wrote poems. Poems. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Can you come over? I'm allergic to latex.

[Maddie Smith]

Hey, what's up? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm allergic to latex. I'm vegan, so lamb skin won't work either. Yeah. And oh, I just realized I gotta be up at 5am tomorrow. You better leave.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's just for me.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, now?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Bye. You at nine years old. Oh, how the earth spins. Only for you.

[Maddie Smith]

I would, I wouldn't give for just one more moment One glance at those lips as they part the lips as.

[Stavros Halkias]

They part the blue of your eyes.

[Maddie Smith]

Now you're like, where can I come? Where can I come?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh.

[Maddie Smith]

So what's going on? Are you like seeing anybody?

[Stavros Halkias]

We, we.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, we're friends.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did not see that.

[Maddie Smith]

Come on. Dude, you're being weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

So weird. I love that Though I love how weird you are.

[Maddie Smith]

You're so weird. Hold on, wait a second. Yeah, just wait until the refractory period ends and then they're like, oh, actually yeah, you're cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

They always do that. They always wait. They're like he missing you or the opposite. Yeah, I, I, I've been with guys who are like trying to court me relationship wise. I like you. I like you.

[Maddie Smith]

I like you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Then I ended up. It ends up not working or whatever.

[Maddie Smith]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

A few months later they throw a Hail Mary text. That's something like filthy. Totally like, man, I wish you didn't stop talking to me. I would have the out of you.

[Maddie Smith]

Wow. Out of nowhere. Just a nice person out of nowhere.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just going through their contacts. Horny. Oh, I forgot my money.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh yeah, why not? I mean she's not gonna me. What's she gon do? Not me more. What you going to do me Less than zero.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So there you go.

[Maddie Smith]

Let me see those tits. You. I knew you secretly wanted it send. Just playing PlayStation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Just being like sent that copy and paste that to five women that rejected.

[Stavros Halkias]

Him and he's like, I wish you didn't reject me. I would have put my in your mouth. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Hopefully a guy they actually loved destroyed them and now they're feeling so bad about themselves that they're willing. Willing to me as a form of self flagellation. And if not, I'm gonna keep Red Dead redemption rolling.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, are you guys there? Yeah. Oh my God.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. That, that Hail Mary's hilarious. You cannot. Fellas don't do that.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's hilarious. It's never the last text was like the text before.

[Maddie Smith]

I totally get it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

We're in different places right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

So respectful.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Please let such a good time.

[Maddie Smith]

If anything changes, reach out. You know, I still would love to see Wicked.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Something like. We still got to do that, Peyton. You know, and then like three months later, like T. Yeah. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Show me that hole.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Up tonight.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. That is fucking wild. Yeah, you gotta, you gotta stick with whatever you start with. Or you can gradually. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't put that dog down.

[Maddie Smith]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Gradually I keep hitting them up, right? Like kind of lightly.

[Maddie Smith]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

The light hit up whatever. Trying to, you know, trying to like. But it's the immediate like the crazy vibe shift.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You can't crazy. It's never going to work. Yeah, it's never going to.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's never going to work. Or nice, nice, nice, nice. And then you're like. And then they're like yeah, that's.

[Maddie Smith]

That's classic stuff. That's like, come on, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn.

[Maddie Smith]

That's like, not like. I actually respect the Hail Mary more than that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Me too.

[Maddie Smith]

Cuz that's like. Well, it's like they've done the math. They know the Hail Mary is probably not going to work. And they're like, instead of this 1% chance of. How about got a hundred percent chance of making myself feel better by calling Someone A.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly. 100.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, it feels good for them.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I get messages all the time. Call me a slut. It's crazy. I'm like a little lady.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm trying this New York Times recipe. A little intellectual playing the piano. And I open my phone, spread it wider. Would you talk to Maya Angelou like that. Come on, little lady. Whatever. Yeah, but I don't know, I guess if you make. It's the hard thing where it's like, you know how Amy Schumer got Amy Schumer? One time someone came up to her and was like, roasted her on a video. And she was like, don't do that.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, what's. What's allowed? What's. I don't know. Like, I'm very confused. What's allowed? Because, like, I say a lot of jokes, so I'm like, no, no, it's you.

[Maddie Smith]

Strangers ask you to see your. Is not allowed. Let's just.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn.

[Maddie Smith]

You've been gaslit by society so much. You're like, maybe it's me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And then people are like, well, what? We'll think about it. What kind of comedy are you putting out there? And my comedy is like, I hate men.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you watch the whole set, it's.

[Maddie Smith]

Not, you know, but even if you were, it's like. And even if they don't know you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

They don't know you personally. It's like. And like somebody coming up and roasting you or like somebody coming up in, like, your private time, like, putting a camera on you. Never.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, they shouldn't do that under the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Context of ticket, ticket, pair, performer.

[Maddie Smith]

And even though, like, if you get famous, like, I feel bad for people who are truly famous.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Because it's like they don't have a moment to themselves.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know.

[Maddie Smith]

And it's like, okay, you could be like, that's. They should expect that. It's like, yeah. But you could also not be a piece of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Agreed.

[Maddie Smith]

You could even just kind of like, there's people who. I. I saw Keith for Sutherland. I didn't stop him and go dude, lost boys through 24. You're the man, brother. Want to get a brewski?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, I gotta get a video with me. My girlfriend loves you, so just stand right there. Can you sign this, too?

[Maddie Smith]

But yeah, it's like. Be like, hey, what's up? A quick. What's up? But it's just like, yeah, you don't deserve to be even pot. Like, that's the thing. Even. Even too much positive attention.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

For people that are just trying to, like. Like, you know, if you're, like, super famous, that could probably wear you down. Let. No one should just get negative attention for no reason.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

That's rude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right?

[Maddie Smith]

Like, what if someone did that to. You shouldn't just go up to someone and be like, you're a piece of. It's rude. But then, especially when we get to, like, sexually explicit, it's like, no. That's like. There's no argument there at all.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, word.

[Maddie Smith]

All right.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm observing. Yeah. It took me, like, years to be like, I think this is weird. I think it was kind of weird. And.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, it is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I mean, I am on. I am on Wild and out. Like, Nick, put your. Yeah, I'll let you put your cannon in me. But yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe. It's definitely. I mean, it's definitely, like, maybe a black dude thing.

[Maddie Smith]

Not just. But definitely, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I'm trying to.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, you're probably fetishized on that show, too.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

There's people who are like, oh, this is the one white girl that I have a relationship with.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, where it's like. I mean, anytime people are familiar with you from something they do, there is a sense of familiarity.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah. They. Everyone thinks they know you.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Podcasting is truly the worst.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Where it's like, they. They'll, like, come up to me and, like, say something that I like. Dude, I have no idea.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have no idea what you're podcasting.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I said a joke eight years ago.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I don't remember that, man. Yeah, right. Dude, why are you a dude? You're so fake in real life. It's like, sorry, but I do like when people, like. I love, like, it feels good when people are like, I love, like, because I want. That's. You put out there because you want people to like it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You don't want to. Not. It does feel good, but it's like.

[Maddie Smith]

Give me a pound.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's it.

[Maddie Smith]

Hey, big fan. That feels. That's the best. That's the best one of all. But Yeah. I mean, luckily, I don't get very sexually harassed. Or if I do, it's welcome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you get girls DMing you?

[Maddie Smith]

I'll get some DMs. Yeah. I mean, I'll get gay guys, too. Yeah. But, yeah. Yeah, I would, you know, be interesting to get on wilding out. Maybe get some black girls. DM me for a change. That'll be nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You know, that'd be fun.

[Maddie Smith]

Exactly. Because it is. Like I said, like I did, you know, most of my high school beating off was to black girls.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That's all my. That's all your classmates.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, it's like you want to. The people you're in school with.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

You know what I mean? So it's like, you know, maybe I need. Maybe I do need to audition for a while maybe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, maybe here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe you could do like a collab with Angel Reese or something.

[Maddie Smith]

Sure. Or from Baltimore. She's from Baltimore. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Perfect.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Boom.

[Maddie Smith]

It sounds like I'm her type. I think she was like, I need to date a basketball player that's over six, eight.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

So it sounds like she's kind of. She would be interested. She's also like. She went, what, 15 year, 20 years younger than me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

No, not 20.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's sick. As.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah. Not 20. We're not in Bosnia.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, but was she 23 or something? Probably should. You know, I went to Baltimore this weekend. I was at the Goobies.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, you were at the Go. How'd you. How you like it?

[Stavros Halkias]

They got new. Little new backdrop.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Modernized it.

[Maddie Smith]

They went art deco.

[Stavros Halkias]

They always. They always do. New green room, like, beige wall.

[Maddie Smith]

I love that. They were like, we need to change something. And it's not the name Magoobies, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or the location.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The backdrop.

[Maddie Smith]

The backdrop.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like the old. I. I hate when people take their old school backdrops away.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah. I like them not to be too sanitized. Although I do. It's pretty. It does look pretty good. I actually did some shows there over Chris, like, Christmas break.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not. It's pretty good.

[Maddie Smith]

I got. I want. My goal is to get them to put a bathroom in the green room.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And I want it named the Stalkis Memorial bathroom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, word.

[Maddie Smith]

I want my. I want, like, a bronze.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I think you deserve a memorial bathroom. And everyone has to call it that.

[Maddie Smith]

Every time they go to the bathroom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, where are you? I'm in the st. Memorial.

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[Maddie Smith]

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[Maddie Smith]

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[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. That. It is so funny. There's just the desperation of a man who's been like. I have definitely been there. Being like. Like there's some key to. I just have to unlock it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

If I send the perfect message. I can't this woman. And it's like, if you're doing that, it's over. Fellas. Just take it from all of us. We've all been there. It's never gonna. It's never gonna happen. Move. Move forward.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Leave with some dignity. That's all I can tell you, Lee.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cuz those texts are there.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. And that's why ghosting exists also.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

It's like. It's like you b. When you feel the vibes not going your way, you can make one last stand. One valiant last stand. But if you get canceled on a couple times in a row.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Don't keep cooked. I remember when I first moved to New York, I went on a date with a girl. And it was shockingly pretty good. Like I had no self. It's like when you first move to New York and you have no self esteem.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was on dates left and right.

[Maddie Smith]

Brutal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dudes, blackout. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I definitely some atrocious women that I. That I. In hindsight, it was like I wanted nothing to do, but I was like, this girl was cool. She was like. She was like, half Greek. We had, like. We had like, a little something going. And again, you know, when you're on date, you're like, I can't believe I. And she was hot. I was like, I can't believe I'm doing well. Like, this is crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Waiting for the big drop.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm like, what's going to happen? Yeah, yeah. Which.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, hey, bring it up.

[Maddie Smith]

She looked like that and was trans.

[Stavros Halkias]

Love it that.

[Maddie Smith]

She had a. As long as her dick was littler than mine, that's all that matters.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's all that matters. Put it up side by side.

[Maddie Smith]

Which now that I'm thinking would be kind of tough, but maybe the hormones shrinked it. I don't know how that works.

[Stavros Halkias]

I really don't know how it works.

[Maddie Smith]

I don't know what they do.

[Stavros Halkias]

I feel. Do the hormone. Shrink it. I. I have no idea.

[Maddie Smith]

What if they make it bigger? Estrogen plumps up your lips.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know.

[Maddie Smith]

What does it do to your dick?

[Stavros Halkias]

Dick. Plump your dick. Oh, here we go.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, here we go.

[Stavros Halkias]

It does shrink.

[Maddie Smith]

It does shrink. Oh, interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Without tea in your system, T makes your heart.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, well, I did have some. I did have some blood tests come back, and I am on the lower end of the normal range of tea.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh.

[Maddie Smith]

So.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, boy.

[Maddie Smith]

Maybe I need a hearing that. Maybe I need to get on that Mark Zuckerberg.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Now I'm badass. He's clearly on T. It's crazy. I've never seen a man. A man more on testosterone in my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

And, like, he went from like. Like, noob to.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Albanian.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For real. It's so pathetic, these guys. It's like, why nerds just be. It's like you. I can't believe we're losing. I can't believe the. Our overlords are dork losers.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't believe our overlords are dork losers.

[Maddie Smith]

It's like in the medieval times, great warriors would, like, come through. Alexander the Great would come through a village.

[Stavros Halkias]

Village.

[Maddie Smith]

His soldiers would behead your. Your priest. They would all. Everyone. They would take whatever they wanted. These guys are just like, stealing your data slowly, but they're just, like, getting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jacked in a fake way.

[Maddie Smith]

Getting jacked. They'll probably have standing army soon. Like, like, you know, I think more people should go Luigi mode. And when that starts to happen, when. When they start taking this. Taking out CEOs that are ruining our lives. Lives. They're gonna start getting their own armies. They're gonna have militias. We're gonna be honestly. Yeah but if enough Luigis are out there maybe there could be. We could stop this. We could stem the time.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think there could be the people are feeling pretty anarchist right now.

[Maddie Smith]

Like if you have a. A terminal disease.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Take one for the team.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm not gonna tell you what to do on for the record. I'm not suggesting anything.

[Stavros Halkias]

Doctor says you have a few more one I got.

[Eldis]

I'm just.

[Maddie Smith]

Just something to think about. I'm not even going to. I'm not even going to tell you what. Yeah but just something to think about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who would you. Okay. Doctor says you had think about. Well obviously you know take your meds and stuff. But think reflect. How do you want the world to look when you go?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah okay. Who would you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who would you pin?

[Maddie Smith]

I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe that president of sag.

[Maddie Smith]

Maddie's anti union. Maddie's like we need. We need.

[Stavros Halkias]

How you dare you make a distinction between non union and union work. It's all the same.

[Maddie Smith]

Too many years on Wild and out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Over it. Yeah. I'm killing sad.

[Maddie Smith]

Wow. Nick Cannon doesn't have a union shop. I'm scared. I'm shocked.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah yeah. Stay scared.

[Maddie Smith]

Isn't the president of SAG Fran Drescher shirt?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it is I think Right.

[Maddie Smith]

So you would.

[Stavros Halkias]

Boom down with one. Oh my God.

[Maddie Smith]

Ow. Yeah, it's her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it is. Cool.

[Maddie Smith]

Salute the friend. She's too sexy for me to keep. I know the nanny back in the day. The nanny. Honestly Definitely. I watched a lot of that was randomly a sitcom. I watched a lot as a kid randomly and yeah. And in hindsight it's like I wanted to with it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. If I could only share a sunset with you nanny.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh the nanny.

[Maddie Smith]

If only you were my nanny. I would listen no matter what. Yeah. I mean loud, loud annoying girls that dress stupid.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that.

[Maddie Smith]

Sign me the fuck up. Sign me up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Very intriguing to me.

[Maddie Smith]

Intriguing to you?

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you.

[Maddie Smith]

Are you fully straight? What are we working with? Would you fuck one of these chicks?

[Stavros Halkias]

I hope I'm with couple and just not for you.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Say that much. This how I felt about vagina. I was like feels like my vagina and it wasn't really like oh yeah yeah yeah. Kind of a dick, you know.

[Maddie Smith]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Kind of a dick.

[Maddie Smith]

It is the most open minded thing to just be like yeah I a couple. It wasn't for me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

It's like, nobody. Everybody acts like it would. It's insane to do some gay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, if you're on the world, on the earth for 80, 90 years, you're.

[Maddie Smith]

Not gonna do any gay. You're not gonna do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyone's gonna kill you. I mean, depends where you are.

[Maddie Smith]

Who knows?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, we're getting to that point again.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, I don't know, humanity. We should just be, like. And sucking each other off, like, just to see what's up.

[Maddie Smith]

Every, like, I mean, ancient societies were sucking, and they had. They probably didn't have, like, you know, they had some version of, like, people that were in between genders.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, they definitely did. There's caveman drawings of, like. Like a RuPaul kind of. Dylan Mulany definitely has always been around.

[Maddie Smith]

And there, like, there was, like. You know, there's some, like, native. Native. Like, Native American. And, like, where there was, like, a type there, they basically had, like, a question mark. Gender.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

Where it's like, a dude who's kind of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

Like a woman. And, like, you don't go hunting. You chill with the chicks.

[Stavros Halkias]

You chill with the chicks.

[Maddie Smith]

And Albania has that type of, like, lesbian, the buresha. The bur.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is it a guy? It's a guy.

[Maddie Smith]

It's chicks that dress like guys.

[Stavros Halkias]

They have the opposite.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, they butch it up. Yeah.

[Eldis]

It's like. It's like women who basically present as men, like, you know, in terms of, like, social function or what.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, you're classic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, like.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, masked lesbian.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's.

[Maddie Smith]

It's usually like your classic stud. It's usually.

[Eldis]

There's, like, not a man in the family to, like, protect.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Maddie Smith]

Somebody's got to step up.

[Eldis]

Like, they're.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, someone's got to butch up. Look at these ladies.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn.

[Maddie Smith]

Or these fellas.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whatever. I would not mind visiting the Balkan someday.

[Maddie Smith]

Tangle with a bua.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hello.

[Maddie Smith]

Would you like to get your eaten by a Buresa?

[Stavros Halkias]

I bet she does it nasty. She's sucking on that thing.

[Maddie Smith]

Keep the sound and just blur out what Maddie was doing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Let that go. Let it be to. To everyone's imagination.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, Ms. Nina.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, so. But. So, yeah, anyway, I guess. Would you give it another go for prime friend Drescher?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I mean, sure.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. But I would pull.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would pull through, but.

[Maddie Smith]

But it's not your thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's so hot. She's hot, too. But of, like, sliding my hand into her panning doesn't really makes me think. In my head, I'm like, can't wait for this to end.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But if I see a hot dude, I think about putting my.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm like, right, nice. Let's get. Let's honk on that prick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's more of an indifferent sure vibe about the chicks.

[Maddie Smith]

So even if they were hot as hell, you'd just be indifferent. Yeah, you would get indifferent.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think I would still be aroused, but I wouldn't be, like, excited, like, touching her parts.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, I also think, like, women are just visually more. More stimul. Like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, they can. Like.

[Maddie Smith]

Because what you just said for me and a hot guy does not. I'm not like. Well, if a guy's hot enough, it's at least stimulating, even though I don't want to grab his. I just don't want to do that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, but the female figure is just.

[Maddie Smith]

Fran Drescher back in the day 90s. Fran Drescher. Yeah, with some. Some highlighter, pink sequin. Get in there, dude. Come on. Yeah, Little sunglasses, short skirt. There's an episode where I think Costanza is like a guest star and he dates her briefly. And I cling on to those pictures. I love looking at the pictures of her eldest. Pull them up. I mean, it's like, you didn't think this was going to come up when I was saying it. He doesn't even know. Yeah, he's just.

[Stavros Halkias]

He just.

[Maddie Smith]

He's just googling. Frank dress her nanny, hoping one of the. These pictures is what I was talking about.

[Stavros Halkias]

He was on for 10 minutes.

[Maddie Smith]

Fran Drescher, nanny and what the.

[Stavros Halkias]

She does kind of look like.

[Maddie Smith]

What's his real name? Jason Alexander.

[Stavros Halkias]

Squirm a little bit.

[Maddie Smith]

Let's relax, bruh. Sarah does not look like Fran. Just because they dress stupid doesn't mean she looks like. And I love Sarah, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sorry, I didn't mean to.

[Maddie Smith]

No, you know what? You're probably right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right there on the left.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, right there. Dude, he. He still doesn't know. We told him what to Google. He didn't know which one to, like, this is. And the other one go. The other one where he's wearing glass sunglasses. That's me, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's you.

[Maddie Smith]

That's. That's like. That's what I want my life to be like. Me and. Who.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who's your. Who's your crush these days?

[Maddie Smith]

I don't know. I'm open to developing one. Some FR Style type. That's what I want. That's exactly on my vision board right there, man. That's. Although. Is he playing a blind guy?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it looks like it. Right?

[Maddie Smith]

I thought he had sunglasses because he was cool. But I guess he's playing a blind guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

But we can look at it. I mean, the dog indicates that. Maybe it's a blind thing.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, either way, I don't want to go blind. But I would like to end up with a woman with hair like this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Who's like, like Fred, Josh. And then. And then also, good God, Marisa Tomei.

[Stavros Halkias]

And yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

My cousin Vinnie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that might be her outfits fire and her attitude. Yeah. And she like turns it around. She's like, you stupid. This is why the court case.

[Maddie Smith]

I just want my sexy. My sexy, you know, attitude wife to be chewing gum at me so loud. Pissed off cuz I brought home the wrong can of tomatoes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That's all I dream. That's what I'm dreaming of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pissed off, hot wife.

[Maddie Smith]

She's like, shut the up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

She's like, what did you say?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Nothing.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. That's when I thought.

[Eldis]

You gotta watch a Nora stuff. That's like two hours of that.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I do have to see a Nora. You're right. And that girl's so hot too.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's hot. That's a hot. Yeah, I love a hot white. Who like, is she like something else too?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah. She's got a little something going on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

But I looked it up. I haven't seen it nor. But I'm like, what. What style of woman do I want to. I'm just doing research. I think she's just like a Jewish girl from la, I believe.

[Stavros Halkias]

But Mikey Madison, still fine.

[Maddie Smith]

Very hot. Good actor too, but also, you know, fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'd be a good actor if I was hot. I'll play anything. Makes a difference. Everything seems really easy when you're hot as summer. Summer when you're hot.

[Maddie Smith]

Summer when you're sexy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You just wear barely any clothes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Seems great.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, totally. Bikini, huh?

[Stavros Halkias]

I gotta think about where all my parts are gonna sit.

[Maddie Smith]

Right. And the. The pale must be hard in the summer. What? What's.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not good.

[Maddie Smith]

What's the most tan you could possibly get?

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, I don't like it goes from like just red and then freckles. Freckles?

[Maddie Smith]

You just freckle up.

[Stavros Halkias]

I guess there's times where I get so many freckles that it kind of ends up looking like a little orangey.

[Maddie Smith]

Sure, sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

But no tanning.

[Maddie Smith]

Can't get tanner than this is what you're saying, correct?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like this. Like my stomach's like this. And like on the BEACH it's like 10 minutes in burning.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, that sucks. Yeah. Because I do get pale.

[Stavros Halkias]

And, like, pale is not attractive.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. And then the winter time is like a. There's definitely a. You know. Know, pale can be attractive, but it's like, summer is not pale time.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's not.

[Maddie Smith]

It's got to be falling when it's. It's like you got to kind of match your color palette.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you do.

[Maddie Smith]

When the leaves are falling, that's when you're.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm like.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, that's when stock is up. But that's when you got to trap one of these fellas.

[Stavros Halkias]

I gotta get, like. Yeah. Tan coat, ankle boobs.

[Maddie Smith]

Totally, totally, totally.

[Stavros Halkias]

Browns, reds, oranges.

[Maddie Smith]

And then. Yeah. You know how people, like, go. Go somewhere warm for, like, the winter? You need to do the opposite.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Go somewhere where it's like, you got.

[Maddie Smith]

To go to Australia in the summer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Australia.

[Maddie Smith]

And go through the winter over there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Russia. Hang out there. Come back here in the winter. Just do full 100 winter.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Year round, I'm assuming. So is your fan, like. Is your. Are your parents, like, Irish or. Where the is this coming from? Irish.

[Stavros Halkias]

Scottish.

[Maddie Smith]

Irish.

[Stavros Halkias]

Scottish. My dad. My dad grew up on a dairy farm.

[Maddie Smith]

Whoa.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bunch of Irish.

[Maddie Smith]

That's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

12 kids.

[Maddie Smith]

12 kids on a dairy farm. Where?

[Stavros Halkias]

Upstate Buffalo. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Sorry, sorry. This is gonna come out in, like, April. I don't know what you're talking about. Ravens didn't just lose to the Buffalo Bills.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's freaking Easter, dude.

[Maddie Smith]

It's Easter, idiot. Come see the Dreamboat tour, which is in the. We're in the middle of it right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right now.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, we actually should start plugging the tour more. I just realized we've been recording all the episodes for it, and we haven't plugged it one time.

[Stavros Halkias]

When's the start? Officially?

[Maddie Smith]

It has already begun, obviously. It started back in February. Started back February 21st in Wheatland. Boy, those shows were magic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Weren't they?

[Maddie Smith]

All this.

[Eldis]

Bakersfield was epic.

[Maddie Smith]

That one. That one's looking rough, you know? Yes. Fuck. We can't plug it because it's probably already happened, but. Yeah, no one's buying tickets to fucking Bakersfield. But whatever. Fuck that town. I don't give a fuck about Bakersfield.

[Stavros Halkias]

LA has all those random little towns around it.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

What are we doing?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, we did too much around, and I. I'm. I'm open to talk about it because it's passed now. And, you know, all those other shows except Bakersfields were great, as we all remember. Damn. Dairy farm with that many. That's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, they were like, my dad would have to wake up, go out, work, go to school.

[Maddie Smith]

What did he do? What did he end up doing?

[Stavros Halkias]

First job.

[Maddie Smith]

His actual job.

[Stavros Halkias]

Trucking management.

[Maddie Smith]

Nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like managing truck drivers at FedEx.

[Maddie Smith]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Freight. Like, freight.

[Maddie Smith]

I see. Logistics.

[Stavros Halkias]

Logistics. Operations management.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, he worked on a dock when he was, like, 19.

[Maddie Smith]

Gotcha. True.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then his dad died. And then I think he was like, he wanted to be a history teacher. And then he was like, yeah. So he just worked at FedEx for 50 years.

[Maddie Smith]

Damn. FedEx for 50 years. And then your mom ruined his life. And then another lady ruined his life. Did he ever get it back?

[Stavros Halkias]

Now he's, you know, sounds like, retired. He tried to date, but someone ghosted him. He got really pissed.

[Maddie Smith]

It's like, yeah, show me that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you want to take this dick or no? You canceled on me a lot.

[Maddie Smith]

You canceled on me. I was going to take you to Cheesecake Factory.

[Stavros Halkias]

You what? He's retired. Your parents retired?

[Maddie Smith]

My mom based. Yeah. My dad's not. I mean, he has no retirement plan. He has no money job. He's a carpenter. He's really good. He's actually insanely talented. But he was always bad at business and just had no retirement plan other than, like, we get. And, like, he didn't believe in comedy at all. I remember when I called him, he called when I was graduating college. I got a call, and he would, like, never call me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And he was like, I told my mom, I was like, hey, by the way, don't expect me to get a job.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, I'm doing comedy. Like, I'm gonna be open mic. And so, like, your hopes and dreams when you came to America.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Are not coming true, you know, like, drop it. So I was like, don't. Literally. That was essentially the conversation. I was like, get off my dick. I'm not getting a job.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm gonna, like, work part time and then do open mics. But I didn't tell my dad that because, you know, I didn't feel like it. I just didn't want to because, you know, he's not exactly the easiest guy in the world. Especially back then. You couldn't have a conversation with him. And so he calls me and I'm like, hello? And I just hear, like, us just like a. Like a long sigh, and I'm like, hello?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And he's. I was like, dad. And he's like, your mom tells me you're gonna do comedy. And I was like, oh, yeah. And I'm part of me. For some reason, part of me is like hopeful in that moment. I don't know why you always just want your dad.

[Stavros Halkias]

You guys knew you were funny.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, My dad was. My dad is pretty funny. And like his family's like, my aunt is funny. They have very ball. It's very ball busted.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ball buster.

[Maddie Smith]

Because they're just like poor. They were like, his. My grandfather was a construction worker and it was just like we were poor people in Athens too. And they were just like, you know, that blue collar bull busty shit. And he was like, he also would like do the like, my dad like acted in like community theater and stuff. And like, he was pretty funny. And so part of me is like, because sometimes you hear about people who their parents like, like living through them vicariously and I'm like, maybe my dad finally, even though he never showed any hint of ever being positive or believing in me or being supportive of anything other than me getting a job that would help him pay his debt off, maybe finally he's like, you know what, son? Yeah, I'm glad we stayed in America. You get to do what you love.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think being creative is important.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, it's very important. Yeah. I mean, my dad was like, complain about, about how we weren't in Greece in the middle of the Greek financial crisis. He'd be like, if only we were there. I'm like, they have no. What are you talking about?

[Stavros Halkias]

If we were there, this wouldn't be happening.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, what do you mean? We'd be fucking so poor. Yeah. And he was just like. And I was like, yeah. I was like, yeah, I am. And he's like. And then all. Here's another. And he hangs up. That was the like, that was the like. I remember where I was. I was like outside, I was getting out of my car in my, like little, you know, on off campus apartments. No, no, I was like, I was like 21.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, 21, 22. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Still in college.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hilarious.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah. Because I quit comedy. I started coming when I was 19 and then I stopped and like took it seriously. Took school seriously for a couple years. And so this is when I started again. And I was like, I can't do this. Yeah, I got it. And then once they kind of thought like, oh, he got that out of, out of his system a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, oh, actually like, I tried this sucks dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And I'm gonna. And so that's when I got that call. But damn. So. So he like. So he. So his goal, his whole all his plan was that one of us get successful. I did get successful, but now it's like. I don't know. He's weird. He doesn't like.

[Stavros Halkias]

He doesn't. It's like you just say like dreamboat tour.

[Maddie Smith]

No, I mean, he's. He came to a show for the first time.

[Stavros Halkias]

What do you say?

[Maddie Smith]

He said it was good. Yeah, but he's like, ah. What do you say? He was like.

[Eldis]

He brought like some people with him. I was walking him to the green room after the show. He was like, my son is crazy, man.

[Maddie Smith]

And I like censored myself, right. Because it was the family show.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you ever hooking up with a young lady?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I didn't do the getting. I didn't do the. There's some. There's some sex work material in there. There's some stuff about their. About our family that I just skipped cuz I was like, no way.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And. But so I don't know, whatever. So like, yeah, there. My dad is like, he wants to retire, but I don't know how the he's going to. Who knows?

[Stavros Halkias]

You gave your family money?

[Maddie Smith]

I. I mean, yeah. I mean, I. I paid for their divorce essentially.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I bought him out of the house.

[Stavros Halkias]

Your parents got divorced after, when you were new?

[Maddie Smith]

They got divorced. They got divorced last year. They did, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

What the hell happened?

[Maddie Smith]

And I mean, what should have happened?

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? They were just like, okay, fine.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah. It was like. I think my mom finally was like, it's really. My mom should have stood up for herself years ago. And then my dad was like, what? I thought I'm grandfathered in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

He was like, I made it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I made it past. We're too old.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. We hate each other. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. This is what happened. This is what marriage is. My parents wanted to kill, you know, hate each other my whole life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That's literally his thought process. But yeah, I mean, I mean, you know, a lot my. Anyway, it doesn't. It doesn't matter. But yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Separately.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. But it's what? You know, on some level, it's like, I guess weirdly, they did. They did get the American dream backwards.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

It's like they failed. They failed so much that it created a situation where like, I had to become. I became an artistic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And I.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I somehow did comedy for the money.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, how did that happen? I was so. It was the producers where it's like, we up so bad. We made a. We were. We. Yeah. We had such a bad family dynamic that it created a comedi. A successful comedian.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Turned around and taking care of the divorce.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Taking care of the divorce. Having a place, paying for both of your homes. But whatever, man. Normal stuff, man. It's all good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, stop. People want to know why you're never home.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Truly. It's like, why don't you visit? It's like, oh, two weeks at the fucking of the holidays and I wanted to fucking hang myself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Literally. Ah.

[Caller]

It's a beautiful spring day here in Pittsburgh where we have rented a little home on a day off. And on my day off from the tour, you know what I want? You know what I'm cursing eldest for not making sure it was in my hand right now so I could chug it and be refreshed. A nice cold twisted tea. I've been dabbling a little bit. The sober year's over. I've been having a nice time, let's say, on my days off. And big part of that formula is twisted tea. Get a little peach, get a little raspberry. I'm a flavor boy. I'm a little slutty boy for flavors. That's just me. Whatever kind of flavor you want, what you need to know is this is a delicious. Goes down smooth brewed with real iced tea. Bevy heavy. Perfect for these spring days. Perfect for the summer days. If you're watching this months later, perfect for the winter. Who are we kidding? It's not temperature dependent, you fucks. Just drink a twisted tea.

[Maddie Smith]

Ice cold, drink it lukewarm for all.

[Caller]

I give a fuck. It's important you drink it, though, because it is a wonderful beverage. 5% alcohol by volume. Just the good shit. So what I'm gonna need you to do. You know what I need you motherfuckers to do right now? Grab a refreshing twisted tea today and keep it twisted.

[Maddie Smith]

Keep it twisted. Keep it twisted. Anyway, so, yeah, clearly I got it all figured out. I'm the kind of guy that's ready to fucking give advice. And you too, Manny. I think what's clear is that both of us are people in their mid-30s that are happy with their lives despite. Despite, you know, reasonable success. Success. We're very happy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Still super happy. The happiness just keeps flowing, keeps coming in.

[Maddie Smith]

Go ahead. L. This. Play us a couple calls here. Stavy baby in the mid. In the midway point. Is there anything you would like to plug?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm always on The I was on.

[Maddie Smith]

The wrong Always on the road.

[Stavros Halkias]

Madd smithcomedy.com I might have filmed a special by now, so I'll probably be a different dender by the time this comes out.

[Maddie Smith]

You'll be fully lesbian. Take back everything you said.

[Stavros Halkias]

Something will happen. I'll be fully bushira or whatever it is. Yeah. Maddysmithcomedy.com Come see me live. Always doing shows. So Maddie Smith Instagram podcast called Mad House.

[Maddie Smith]

Love it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thanks.

[Maddie Smith]

All right, I'll just hit a SW up.

[Caller]

Gabby Elvis guest advice me. So 10 years ago, in my mid-20s, I befriended a coworker, a guy. We became really good friends. He's a great friend, and for the first 8ish years, he never got flirtatious with me. But maybe 2ish years ago, he started saying pretty forward things all the time. Like, the line of this bar is too long. Want to go back to mine and hook up? Or I can change my bed sheets.

[Maddie Smith]

Pretty forward. I agree.

[Stavros Halkias]

Change bed sheets. Want to go roll around.

[Maddie Smith]

It's also going to be like, the line is too long. Want to suck my dick? Yeah, it's taking too long to get a gin and tonic. Maybe you could. Maybe I could.

[Eldis]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Wait for the restaurant is pretty long. Anal.

[Maddie Smith]

You could eat my ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, Sing it out loud.

[Maddie Smith]

Go ahead, Eldis.

[Caller]

Like the line at this bar is too long. Want to go to back to mine and hook up? Or I just change my bed sheet to want to go roll around in them or call me hot. And I would brush it off because I was thinking he was just being silly.

[Maddie Smith]

Brush it off.

[Caller]

But a couple times I was like, there's a chance I'm gonna get some. Imagine here at someone I know and trust. Why not? Okay, so a few times I reciprocated with Floyd touching, but he would always move away. So nothing ever happened. And eventually I asked him, like, what was going on here, what is this weird pattern we're in? And he said that he's just saying words and I'm the one actually touching. So if he's not flirting, I am. And he's never been.

[Maddie Smith]

What a coward.

[Caller]

Only sees me as a friend and thinks it's hilarious. I'd think otherwise. And the next two times we hung out, he brought this up again to say, you know I never flirt with you, right? Which is a point I would never concede to him because I'm not insane. So my question is, from your pov, what is this behavior? Do you think it's. I don't Know what it is? What is going on here? And do you think it's an overreaction to maybe distance myself kind of context a little? Because. Because I'm frankly kind of weirded out by this gaslighting reaction he had to this. Thank you, guys.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. I mean, this is insane.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cut it off.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, he's a. What's my read on this? I think he's a coward. Clearly, he's a coward. Maybe he is. Like, I. Like, is he fully. Like, was he throwing it out there? Like, maybe he. I don't know. He's definitely. He's a coward, right? Definitely. Because, like, as soon as you were, like, you even would it. You were like, hey, let's see. Like, you even were like, hey, he's my friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Maddie Smith]

We get along well, why not?

[Stavros Halkias]

Right?

[Maddie Smith]

And the fact that he backs away, it's one thing. Now it's possible he. He didn't. He didn't think it through. Like, he. It's kind of like dming.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Someone cold saying it and being like, well, they're never gonna DM me back, so I can be wise.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're gonna call me out.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Am I flirting?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like, whoa, you're being a weird. You. You do comedy. I should be able to say this to you. Yeah. Like, it's kind of that exactly where.

[Stavros Halkias]

It'S like, very similar. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I was. You touched me years a flirt.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

I reject you. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You want me.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. You want me. Weirdo.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I would say just cut off. Don't.

[Maddie Smith]

I think cut off because one read of it is he didn't think it was possible.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

And then may. And then maybe he actually doesn't want to for some reason. Whether that's being scared, whether that's being like, I'm actually not attracted to you. I just wanted to, like, say maybe he was doing it for his self esteem is the least charitable read of, like, he's kind of using you as like, you know, the way. The way, like, you know, like, going to a gay people would make that joke about going to a gay bar for compliments. Like, leading on like a gay friend when you're like, whatever, maybe just using you for. For self esteem. And then this is even a shittier version of that where part of it is putting you down for just reacting normally, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

But self esteem.

[Maddie Smith]

But either way, it's not good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not good. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And you're not overreacting because it's very strange to be like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, especially after eight years.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. It's like, you've know. That's a good point. It's like you know each other for a while and then it's also like, you know what, you took him up on it. You're like, hey, it. Let's see where this goes. She gave him a little flirty touch back. So he's a. Yeah, you got to get out of there. Cuz I don't. This is. There's no good thing that comes of this.

[Stavros Halkias]

What would be. You have a friend, you're still confused, or you date and he's like a piece of.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. I mean, I guess best case scenario is he still does want to. To hook up with you. He's just that much of a coward.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That you're gonna have to do everything and he's gonna maintain plausible deniability along the way. This was never his idea.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And yeah, that's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

For some reason. He's gonna stand by like, yeah, you came on to me.

[Maddie Smith]

You might be dating for a year. And then he just like breaks up. He's like, well, this wasn't really my thing. You wanted it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Agreed.

[Maddie Smith]

There's just something strange here. And I think at the very least, he does not value you enough. Enough.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Is my general read.

[Eldis]

It's interesting. She said they're like platonic friends for eight years. And he started like being very forthright for like two years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

I wonder if he was just a loser for a long time and he just learned how to like get in the last year or something. And maybe he like started trying to chip away at her two years ago. But then he's like, actually been like, right recently. So he's like, oh, you know, I could. I could. I know how to now. So I don't like, hang around like my, my. My like platonic friend who I secretly did want to for like a decade.

[Maddie Smith]

I wanted to her. Now I feel like I'm better than her. And now I'm so embarrassed that at any point I was trying to her. That I'm trying to gaslight her into thinking she's the one that wanted to me all along.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, this sounds a lot like he's on chapter one of like pua. It's like he watched the introductory video of how to neg women.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

He hasn't finished. It feels like. It feels like, like, what do I do when they actually want to you? He's like, I haven't got to this part yet. You're a. I'm scared.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you have daddy issues? Just started Listening to Andrew Tate.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This sucks.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy.

[Maddie Smith]

This guy's got to go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't hang out with him anymore.

[Maddie Smith]

You're You. You're right in your read of him, I believe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Agreed.

[Maddie Smith]

What else we got, Eld? Hey, Savi.

[Caller]

Longtime listener, first time caller. Just seeing if you guys could figure me out.

[Maddie Smith]

Some problems, I guess.

[Caller]

I have this girl that I just met, and we've been dating for, like, three months now. He was sexually active before, I'm assuming.

[Maddie Smith]

But she told me she's never had.

[Caller]

Anybody make her come, so I made.

[Stavros Halkias]

Her face me, and now she's. Now she's like, do it every time.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, expecting it. Me to do it every time. It's like, cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whatever. Should have done that.

[Caller]

Just, like, every time.

[Maddie Smith]

Do you bust every time, man. So how could I explain to her that. Bro, this is crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy's hilarious.

[Maddie Smith]

Have a good one, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not every time.

[Maddie Smith]

It's one thing. If it's one thing. If it's like, look, it's hard to make her come. Like, I'm trying my best, but I can't get it to happen. But you're just like, I could do it, but come on.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's saying every time. I mean, like.

[Maddie Smith]

I mean, if you're some kind of freak who gets his dick sucked without busting and then can go about his day, which I weirdly have friends like that who don't. Who, like, they just want to fuck a little bit, and it's like, they fuck, like, women who. They've never been able to come. Like, that's insane to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's insane.

[Maddie Smith]

For a guy to behave that way is insane sane. But, like, like, now is. Are we missing something? Like, it's just like, I guess.

[Stavros Halkias]

Unless he's. Unless it takes forever.

[Maddie Smith]

If it takes, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she's got 90 minutes standing next to her bed, like, for three hours.

[Maddie Smith]

She's got to ice his shoulder afterwards.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she's like, keep going, keep going, keep going.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But to me. But also, like, that sort of long. That taking long can be Help shortens if you're in a relationship. And then it keep.

[Maddie Smith]

You figure it out. Yeah, exactly. It's like, you figure out a rhythm speeds up. It's like, look, I get. Hopefully we're going to do Benefit of the Doubt and say we're missing something.

[Stavros Halkias]

In that, like, otherwise hilarious character guy who doesn't think women should come every time.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, because. Okay, I will say I have been with. I dated or not even date, whatever. I knew a person it doesn't matter. I just want to be.

[Stavros Halkias]

I knew a person.

[Maddie Smith]

I just want to be general here. I did okay. You know, I did date somebody back in the day.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

And this is like in Baltimore even. Like, this is when I was like, younger and it was like I had something similar happen where she was like, no one's ever made me come. And I will say it was a true ordeal. Yeah, it really was like a over hour. Like, it was. I literally had a shore, a sore shoulder. I'm eating many very different types of ways. She's like, like, And I'm. And it's. It's like. And I can feel her. Like, it's like that the most teasing thing in the world is like when a girl is about to bust for 40 minutes. When it's like, when you're like, you're like, nice. We're getting close. And then it's like. And I. I just threw it into turbo mode. My jaw's getting sore. I literally, like, I fail because of fatigue.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, where I'm like, I cannot keep this up. I am not strong enough. Enough thinking. Like, I literally can't do this. I'm too fat to be able to eat and finger at the same time for a long time. My tits get in the way, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And so, like, so if that's the case. But at the same time, it's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

And if that's the case, you can toss a vibrator.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Get a vibrator in the mix. Like, you know. Exactly. Like, that's the other thing. It's like. I think what she's saying is if you guys are having a proper sesh, which when you first start three months in, it's like you get a lot of like, is like the centerpiece of a new relationship.

[Stavros Halkias]

Three months in, it's like all you're thinking about is that person.

[Maddie Smith]

Exactly. And it's like you are having these long, like, even weekends where you're just like laying in bed and you might for a while. And then like, you don't start your day to like. Like, this is the part where takes, you know, center stage.

[Stavros Halkias]

Center is like lesbians.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

The first three months.

[Maddie Smith]

Exactly, exactly. And so. And so, like. Yeah, dude. Basically, when you're having a proper sesh, she's got a bust every time. Now, if it's. If it's some kind of like, you know, 12 minute situation. But that's only if. Again, that's us giving you the charitable read. But if it just means you don't feel like eating for let's say, 11 minutes.

[Stavros Halkias]

11? Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Come on, dude, you gotta suck it up. Like, so unless there's some kind of like real hour long situation here, if that's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Then. Then like, okay, we can give you some grace here. But it's like even that is like you got. When it's a full sesh, you got to do your best. And then if it's a quickie, then yeah, you could be like, look, I'm trying my hardest over here, but I can't make you bust every time.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm sorry, We. We don't have a lot of time.

[Maddie Smith]

This is still kind of early though, to be doing this. Kind of like, I have thought about like, I like you. And what you said is so. Is true too. Where. Where it's like you start dating someone and you figure out. I feel like the first three months I'm in. I'm in the exploratory phase of like, how do I make this person come?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Then after.

[Maddie Smith]

Then you. And then it's like. And then even after you're like, nice, I'm doing. And then it's like, it honestly takes. It should take a while after that for you not to want to make them come.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right?

[Maddie Smith]

And it's another thing to be like, the clocks take like you're trying your hardest. It's like, we got to be at work.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm just gonna. You real fast enough. You know what I mean? Like, look, the clock's tick. It's been a half hour. You gotta leave. I'm gonna nutty. If that's okay with you. Right? That's different than being from the beginning, not even giving it the old college try, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Also like seeing your girlfriends coming as.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, yeah, great, I made her come. I'm the first. Like, that's like when. So when a girl's told me something I made you do after you've come five times in your life from intercourse.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. Thanks to me, just seems, you know, it does.

[Maddie Smith]

That should also make you feel cool. Like, it does make me feel unreasonably cool. When a girl's told me that, you know, where it's like, or when you should be pumped. You should be pumped. And you should still be in the halo phase of it. You're not in the, like, this is taking up too much of my time phase again. Unless we're missing something. But I don't think we are saying.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, the what sex is. He's probably assuming that it's Guys, not every time.

[Maddie Smith]

If you're used. If you're used to sexual taking four minutes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And you're like, I don't want to take 25 minutes with. With foreplay, then you have no case. But if you're like, I'm used to sex taking 10 to 25 minutes and now it's taking one hour to two hours, there's a little more gray area in there. But still, I do feel like you're a little early to be looking. Looking for. To get out of the, you know, you're. You're not in like long term relationship zone where it's like, let's get the vibrator out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's do it.

[Maddie Smith]

All right. I put hard boiled eggs in. We have seven minutes before they're done.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's go.

[Eldis]

Okay, his dick's off. Cuz he came already. He's got the vibrator on with the soft dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Soft dick vibrator. Hilarious.

[Maddie Smith]

You're not with your. Yeah, that's when you really love someone and you're just working a vibrator braider post night. You're just like y.

[Stavros Halkias]

Changing the batteries, looking at your phone, watching the ravens just kind of like. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Unenthusiastically choking her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like she's like making your hand tighter.

[Maddie Smith]

You're not there yet, buddy. You're not there yet.

[Stavros Halkias]

So with fervor for a while, consider like maybe not. Maybe some not non sex surprise comes where you're just like fingering, eating out and no sex.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah. Come.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't sure. Sex later. And there's no pressure. You can sex.

[Maddie Smith]

You want to keep the ledger even. As. Even as you possibly can.

[Stavros Halkias]

Come for a come.

[Maddie Smith]

If you want to bank a couple nuts. If you want to bank a couple quick nuts, bank a couple quick nuts. But you. Yeah, dude, I can't. Like it should be equal, man. Like, that's the whole point. Sometimes. Sometimes. Look, sometime some ladies are tough busts. I get that. But if you have the means, you should keep it equal.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm. I'm like offended by his last. How do I explain that to her?

[Maddie Smith]

Like she doesn't get something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like she's too stupid to get it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You're like, how do I knock this into her silly little head? You're not coming every time. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Come on. Come on, man. Get to the get bust and get to making ladies bust.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You got to make them bust. They're going to be nicer to you.

[Maddie Smith]

Absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

We're a pro bust fucking podcast here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Your life is Better if you make the person you're dating bust. I'm telling you, I have got. I got to hook up with a girl who did not like me and had huge tits because I was good at eating pussy. She was like. She was like. It was awesome. I felt. I totally felt, like, purely objectified.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

For eating pussy. And she just cleared. Like. We went on one day and I could tell she was like, whatever, but she was kind of freaky. She's like, I'm still gonna fuck the guy. And then her tone really changed when I ate her pussy. Wow. And it was like, I respect you. It was awesome. It was awesome. That felt like, you don't want that all the time. You don't want to feel like a piece of. You know. But when you're fat, when you've grown up, fat as shit, too, and you're.

[Stavros Halkias]

Getting praised for eating.

[Maddie Smith]

And then Eve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, wow. The way you work that mouth. It's important, man. It felt good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it is. I do think I feel Sucking a good D. You got. You gotta write them in the palm of your hands.

[Maddie Smith]

I literally.

[Stavros Halkias]

Guys are so nice.

[Maddie Smith]

There are four women who can ask me for anything, really. Because there's, like, four types of head that. It's like, if I get this head again, whatever you.

[Stavros Halkias]

What are some. What are some specialties of. Of these DJs? Just depends on the gal and how. How it fixes in with the girl.

[Maddie Smith]

And it's one. One of them had, like a wild, almost like tornado technique.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Maddie Smith]

Of like, there was like an air vacuum that took place. Like, she, like, sucked it in a way where it was like hand. It was hand mouth or a weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Maddie Smith]

When the mouth comes off, it was like a weird vacuum for a second. You go, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was.

[Maddie Smith]

It was incredible. And then more than anything, it's just persistence and a nice. A nice sucking jerk at the same time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah. Sucking jerk a little. And you got to. You got to, like, be like, oh, my God, I love this.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even need that. I just need the technical ability. I'm no fool. I know. See, the thing is, you don't need. That's one of those show don't tells.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Somebody talking about loving how much they're sucking dick. They're overdoing it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, Right.

[Maddie Smith]

Somebody who loves sucking dick so much, they don't even have a moment to spare.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You got.

[Maddie Smith]

Because they're greedily sucking dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. They don't even. Like, people are Talking about eye contact. Don't even look at me.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Focus on.

[Maddie Smith]

Give me, like, one second. Then I'm like, oh, yeah. Oh, she looked.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jesus. Jesus Christ.

[Maddie Smith]

So, yeah, good luck. You gotta bust, like, if she breaks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Up with you for the future, you.

[Maddie Smith]

Gotta make it and get your technique better. It's all good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

All right, next question. Elders.

[Caller]

Hi, Stav. I am a new time listener. Long time hater. In August, got out of a year long relationship with this guy who I was in love with. Like, we were gonna get married. I'm 25. He's 30. We had a house together. We, like, renovated this house. We did electrical work together in a year. Loved his family. We were all really close.

[Maddie Smith]

How did you get this close in a year?

[Caller]

He just kind of ended up not being what I needed and had a lot of issues there. And so I left. And it, like, really hurt, and it.

Really sucked, of course.

But I had enough love for myself and for him that I didn't want to grow to hate him. And so I. And I saw that the things that you were doing, he was doing, doing you was over much trying to fix, and it wasn't getting better anyway. So I leave him, and he's, like, all, you know, up about it. He was not handling it well. And like, a month later, this girl that I know who has the same name as me, we, like, look like curly brown hair, brown eyes. Like, literally, she was just like an older version of me. He moves her into the house that I helped build.

[Maddie Smith]

Respect to this. He's got to be like, all right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Maddie Smith]

We got another one of these laying around somewhere.

[Stavros Halkias]

You with the brown curly hair. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

So is your spot so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

These are photos that look like you.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, I mean, we've all. I literally have done similar things where I'm like, you date someone who looks like somebody you're not over, and then you're like, oh. Oh, this is a different person.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, you're like. You're like, oh, this will be great. It's just like. It'll just be like, whoever. And then you go on a day, and they're like, you're not acting like she acted. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wait a second.

[Maddie Smith]

This sucks. You is not that fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

You just kind of look like her. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. This sucks, actually. You're being rude. Yeah, go ahead.

[Caller]

I helped build, and then they both felt the need to be like, I promise nothing's going on.

[Maddie Smith]

Who cares?

[Caller]

And now they're dating. He broke up with them, and this is, like, one of my old friends, so What? And my ex a month after.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And everyone's telling me like, that to not be upset about it and to get over it and like, whatever. But I'm like, no, actually I am kind of. That's crazy. Because, like, was it all a lie? Did you actually love me?

[Maddie Smith]

You broke up with. Yeah.

[Eldis]

The new one doesn't complain.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

She actually is allergic to orgasms. Sick.

[Maddie Smith]

My doctor says I'm not allowed to have them. He's like, that's. Will you marry me?

[Stavros Halkias]

Please? Dreams.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Then you go back to being an 8 year old. If you find a woman who doesn't want to come, you're like, oh, my heart is intertwined with yours.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, how the sun shines only for you.

[Maddie Smith]

Okay, I guess we'll let her get through this. But like, yeah, just. Yeah, whatever. Let. Let her get through.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's okay. Yeah, you can be upset, but also, you did your thing.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Let. Let's. Let's see what else we got.

[Caller]

Is it all a lie? Did you actually love me?

[Maddie Smith]

Me?

[Caller]

Are you just going to continue to look for me and every woman you see?

[Maddie Smith]

Relax.

[Caller]

Yeah.

So what do you. How do you think I should respond or react to this? I haven't obviously, like, said or done anything and I don't know if I ever will. But, like, am I okay to be upset about that? Anyways, just wanted to know. Thank you. Love you. Bye.

[Maddie Smith]

You can be upset.

[Stavros Halkias]

Feelings.

[Maddie Smith]

Anyone? Of course. And look, whenever you break up with someone, someone afterwards, like, it sucks when they first start dating somebody. Even if you're like, I ne. We were never going to be good together.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

What? But it's like there. You can't help that. There's natural jealousy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Look at that. My. My ex from years ago got married. I said, what? How dare you. You're supposed to be still like, like crying over me. And this is time. You were building it. Wow. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You were building a life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. News to me.

[Maddie Smith]

You're a piece of.

[Stavros Halkias]

You could be upset, but like, you. But you have to also own like, I did that.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the feelings you were feeling before you broke up were real.

[Maddie Smith]

Exactly. Exactly. And it's like, look. And. And also it's like you also, you get even a little less ability to be upset when you broke up. Like, yeah. If somebody breaks up with you and says, this isn't going to work.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And then one month later starts dating a friend of yours that looks exactly like you, then you'd be like. You'd be like, what the. You said we can't you just psych.

[Stavros Halkias]

You just.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, like. But none of this. Was it all re. Was it ever real? Was it. Whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't have those because you cut him off.

[Maddie Smith]

You. You broke up because.

[Stavros Halkias]

He probably asked himself that when you cut him off.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. And. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's like he. And he's. You know, maybe though this will last, maybe it won't. But ultimately this is not of your business.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Maddie Smith]

When you break up with somebody, you can't be looking at who they start dating.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You gotta.

[Maddie Smith]

And look, being. Your. Being like kind of a friend of yours, it. That's up. Maybe. Maybe there's some anger towards the friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Anything. It's. If this person was a friend, that's where I would have some anger.

[Stavros Halkias]

But the guy.

[Maddie Smith]

You can't be mad about them moving on when you broke up with them. You just can't. You. And you can't police how they move on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

They're not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Lived in a house with him. He's gonna have someone else in that house.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, exactly. What did you think was gonna happen? I know the house that you built. But also, it's like, let this be a lesson to you. Said you dated this one for one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Year and you're renovating them.

[Maddie Smith]

You're doing electrical, you're doing duct work in that house. You know his family enough to love them in a year.

[Stavros Halkias]

Caulking. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You're caulking with this guy. You're picking out tile. And that's cra. One year.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's crazy.

[Maddie Smith]

That is nuts. I got to say.

[Stavros Halkias]

I say, like, don't look. Block.

[Maddie Smith]

You block. For sure. You're so. So squarely in the block zone of a breakup.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That you shouldn't even have this information.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You should be blocked. And you should tell all your friends. I block them. So don't even.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. I don't want to know about it. I'm moving forward. Whatever. We don't have to gossip about it. You're right. This might be some small town where it's like, everybody knows everybody. So it's like the talk of the town. Or at least the talk of her friend group.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Which is like. That's the nice thing about being in a big city where it's like, you can live in the same city as your ex in New York.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You'll never see them. It's. You can break up with them that day and that night. You can get dick.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And maybe that's another thing. Go get a little dick. Get some Dick, let this wash over you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Also how sure is she that he's like looking for her in other woman? Like maybe a curly hair girl like sucked his dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome.

[Eldis]

In high school. And she's like his second or third.

[Maddie Smith]

Attempt to try to recreate. That's a great point.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. It could be someone else who's the I love.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, you're not the inciting curly haired, brown eyed girl. Potentially. Yeah. That's the other thing. Don't get a little look.

[Stavros Halkias]

We all on this pod say they would Fran Dreser. So it's not you. Ho. It's not you at all.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, sorry. Sometimes you need tough love from your pals and we're giving it to you.

[Stavros Halkias]

B.

[Maddie Smith]

But you're doing good. You seem. It was, it was mature of you to get out of it when you knew it didn't work. Yeah, that's a good insight instinct. But don't and you can be upset. Definitely don't do anything. Definitely don't engage. Don't. This is over block. Live your life. You'll be okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anything you'll say you regret?

[Maddie Smith]

Absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

One million.

[Maddie Smith]

Absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, stop it.

[Caller]

Hey, Stavi, I have a question. I have something I guess I. I want some feedback on. Okay, so one of the only times that a man has ever asked, has ever bought me a drink at a bar. He was blind.

[Stavros Halkias]

Terrible stats.

[Caller]

And I was at the bar with my friend, you know, he, my friend like struck up a conversation with him, like at the bar. And yeah, he was like, oh, let me, let me. Me like, you know, purchased some libations for these beautiful, these two young, beautiful women. And.

[Stavros Halkias]

This, this is, this is the.

[Caller]

Crazy part is like, okay, this is like one of the only times I can remember from college being bought a drink at a bar was by a blind guy and his friend was there with him.

[Maddie Smith]

I mean, that's a family guy joke.

[Stavros Halkias]

He.

[Caller]

His friend was definitely saying to him, like, dude, like, you just bought two fat chicks like drinks. Like, don't, you know, don't, whatever. But I was like a muscular size. I was muscular with like awesome tits and like a beautiful smile. In college I'm. Now I really am like, you know, a true fatty.

[Maddie Smith]

Sure.

[Caller]

But then it was like, I don't know, I guess I'm just wondering like, are our men really that fat phobic?

[Maddie Smith]

I mean. Yes. Is that.

[Caller]

Other men are fat phobic? Is that something that we're talking about? I just feel like I did not get as much play as I should have as a striking. You know, size 14 beauty. So, yeah, that blind guy bought me drinks. His friend told. Told, you know, told him that we were two fat chicks and not to go for. For it. It was just that one round. And his seeing eye dog was named Jamal. And the guy was white who named that dog Jamal.

[Maddie Smith]

All right, let's relax.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay? Yeah, right. Let's not. Right.

[Maddie Smith]

This is part of the problem. Let's just stay on the thing. Let's not try and just. We're mad at society. Start making calls and issues.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. Jamal is a fine name, that dog.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

A black man.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Let's leave the dog out of this. Yes. Look, I get that. I get. I mean, I know you mean, like, I remember being looking at pictures of myself where I was like. Like in college. Like, my whole life I've thought I was like, too fat. You look at yourself in college and it's like, I was handsome. Like, I was not bad looking at all. Like, I have fucked as an atrocious looking man. And if I had my confidence at that age, it's like, I was. And so, like, you know, I don't doubt that. Like, you know, you look at college, you, and you're like, yeah, what the. I should have been getting a little dick. And maybe you were. Maybe you were, you know, insecure in ways you shouldn't have been. Are men fat, phobic? I mean, is society incredibly fast? Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've seen more men lately come out and say, I need a little cushion.

[Maddie Smith]

That's coming.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you know, guys, when they say that, they mean, like tits and asses.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Just the biggest tits you've ever seen.

[Stavros Halkias]

But not like a fully regular fat person.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, there are people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jamal probably was into the dog. Jamal wanting that fat ass white chick.

[Maddie Smith]

She's back on wilding out mode, folks. Maddie takes out a notepad. She's like, jamal, Fat bitch Jamal.

[Stavros Halkias]

CNI dog named Jamal try to get in them. Cheats. He bought us some Hennessy. Hilarious.

[Maddie Smith]

That's good stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. What do you think? Are guys. What do you think guys, like. And every guy's kind of different.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. I mean, here's the thing. I do think there are people who are attracted to fat people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That because of the stigma, won't admit it. Like, like, there's definitely a thing of. There's a. There's a culture, especially like young guys, where it's like, they're women in a very gay way, where they're doing it to show their boys and they're doing it to, like, gain points amongst Their male friends.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Maddie Smith]

I. There are people who are definitely attracted to bigger people that won't. Probably wouldn't do it or like, even. Even this example of like, that guy was having a good time. And it's like. And probably, probably it's not that he didn't want to keep talking to you because he bought you some drinks, whatever, right? Like, it's just that he val. He valued his friend's approval at that age more than he did. Because it's not a sure thing he gets to fuck you. It's a coin flip whether he gets to fuck you or not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right?

[Maddie Smith]

But it's a hundred percent his. He scores points with his boy if he disses you or whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? Oh, yeah, true.

[Maddie Smith]

So, like, I think that happens a lot. And I think you are right about, you know, about. About, like, unfortunately, yes, Fat people get treated worse. And I'm. I definitely. I. I'm all about acceptance and, and like, you know, living your best life, whatever. But I also. I just know that I've been treated better by people when I weighed less.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

When I weighed less. I know that it's like, these are. I'm in the perfect type of like. Like, my life is very hilarious because it's like some people treat me so like, I am Internet famous and I look like shit, and I live in an immigrant community, right? And immigrants really don't fucking care about fat people. Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And so the, The. The swings of, like, politeness, customer service, the way people treat me goes from like, whoa, you're fucking including, like, hot women to men, whatever, right? I get treated like, like insanely famous and like, I'm the man, right? And then I will go to a restaurant and, like, people will be like, they'll look at me. They'll be like, ew. Like, a waitress will be like, scared to, like, you know what I mean? Like, they'll just see the fattest, bald, weird, bald, fat Greek guy that they're like, yeah, disgusting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everyone in the restaurant's like.

[Maddie Smith]

And so I know firsthand that, like, yeah, like, I have. I have cultivated a life where I get treated. Treated good. And then even people who don't with me, it's like because of my personality, I can talk my way into getting friends or whatever, but there is no way around it. Society treats you bad if you are a fat person. And they don't think they can get anything out of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Agreed.

[Maddie Smith]

If you're.

[Stavros Halkias]

Especially for women.

[Maddie Smith]

Especially for women.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

And. And that's what sucks too, is like, there Might be guys that. That are attracted to you, but it's like, then they might mistreat you because that, like, society just. Just like, you know, that, like that, like, Let me see your tits.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Like, there was a meme going around where it's like, it was just like, you know, talking to a man as a fat girl, and it's just like a guy being like, show me your nipples. We'll call you nip. It's like, it's like, hey, how you doing? Like, matching on a. On a dating app as a fat girl. It's like they see you as less than. They just.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

This is just truth. Right? And I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Girls and think like, oh, oh, they're. They're so fat and they're so, like, self empowered.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They probably.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They probably, like, crazy.

[Maddie Smith]

Totally. Totally.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because they've had to live in that fat body.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Own it.

[Maddie Smith]

They don't want to just be taken out on a nice date like any other human being.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

They want to come over and suck my dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You know what they say they're good at sucking dick. Fat chicks. So it's like, unfortunate. Look, I don't know what the. And this is just reality from your fat pal Stavros. Right. And like, you know, it's tough. It's just very tough. I, like, you're treated worse. And so if that's the feedback you're looking for. Yes, unfortunately, we're going to confirm your worst fears. And that's not saying that's everybody. Right. That's not saying that, like, everyone treats you that way. But it's like, on balance, it's just hard, harder. And I totally feel for fat women because it's so much easier to be a fat guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's crazy. When I was in college, I. I was always, like, kind of like, athletic. Growing up, how she was talking.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Then I lost all this weight in college. Like, went down to like £120.

[Maddie Smith]

Whoa.

[Stavros Halkias]

The guy started.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

First time in my life ever.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Then gained it all back.

[Maddie Smith]

Wow. For research, obviously for this call.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was a first sociology class.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then no one, like, no one looked at me. If anything, they were like, disgusted.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It went from, like, they were flocking to me, like, you're beautiful.

[Maddie Smith]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have to tell you, you're beautiful.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

To like, Right. Beat light through me. Yeah. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

That kind of shit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Crazy.

[Eldis]

I will say, too, we talk about this all the time how, like. Yeah. We look at pictures of ourselves in college when we felt so fat. And now we're like, yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, wow.

[Eldis]

Actually, I would kill to get back to that weight now.

[Maddie Smith]

Totally.

[Eldis]

And it's like, well, you know, the bottom line is like, you were still in college when everyone was less fat and just looked better because they were like younger or whatever. And you know, in college, if anything, like just the unfair. Whatever dating standards are like amplified by fucking 18 to 22 year olds. That being said, one day you're going to look back at pictures of yourself now, like 10 years down the line and be like, oh, what? I would kill the fucking. Yeah, so you got to think like that and it's like, you know, just feel. Just feel good about yourself now and like, do whatever you can to gas yourself up a little. And that just. That alone will make like dating feel better and like, you know.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, no, you're right. And I also want to say this. And Maddie, your grandfather didn't because you were a fat drunken.

[Stavros Halkias]

I appreciate that.

[Maddie Smith]

Right. So we, we'll let you stay on, but everyone who's not fat, turn the pot podcast off right now, please. If you're not fat, you got to give us a couple minutes here. Okay.

[Caller]

You gotta lose a little weight.

[Maddie Smith]

A little.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's so it's.

[Maddie Smith]

I hate admitting this around non fat people.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's empowering.

[Maddie Smith]

Feels good. No one should be treated bad because they're fat. We agree on that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Agreed.

[Maddie Smith]

And definitely skin. Like people who just got a genetic lottery and don't eat as much and don't like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course it's not that they exist. Sydney Sweeney exists and I do too.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, yeah, yeah, but. But it sucks the people that are feel superior because they just got. This isn't their issue. Right. Like, like. And it is unfair that it's like such a. And it's. Humans are so simple that it's a visible. They just look at it and you just. Anyone who's visibly different and then they can. These people have nothing going on in their lives. Like, well, at least I'm not a fat piece of. At least I have willpower. Meanwhile, they have gonorrhea. They are. They are cocaine addicts. Whatever. Like. Yeah, exactly. Same thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pieces of whatever.

[Maddie Smith]

Right. They. It's unfortunate. Being fat is one of the things everyone feels superior to because that humans are base and ugly, if we really get down to it.

[Caller]

Yeah, but you just gotta lose a.

[Maddie Smith]

Little weight and you can't feel sorry for yourself. Like being like. Like, what's your. What's the crux of this question? Why didn't I get more dick when I was hot, right? Why didn't I get more dick in college? It's like, like, you can't feel sorry for yourself. Society is unfair, but we still have to, like, we have to still swim in these waters. And it's not fair. Whatever. You're allowed to be mad about it, but you also should lose a little weight. You'll feel better. And like, that's not. Say, like, sometimes we overdo the. Like. Acceptance is one thing and not being treated bad is one thing. But I can tell you, as a person who has been fatter than I am now, I felt bad. Bad, like, physically bad. Like, I just didn't. I felt unhealthy. And even now it's like I'm working to lose weight because the older you get, the harder it is on, like, your joints, everything, your heart, whatever, and you'll just feel better. It's good for you. We're not saying you gotta, you know, have a drastic thing, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, get some steps.

[Maddie Smith]

Get some steps and drink some water. Look, look and feel a little better. And I, I really do mean, feel is the important part. But unfortunately, losing weight does make you feel better. And like, you can't. I. I know this deck is stacked against you, but you can only feel sorry for yourself so much and you have to work hard and you, you know, hopefully you'll find somebody who's supportive. Hopefully you have friends in your life who are supportive, because I've seen that too. I've seen people who just, like, are the butt of their friend group as the fat person, right? Like, surround yourself around people who are helping you be the best version of yourself possible. You know, that striking beauty still there. And like Elda said, like, you're going to look at. Picture yourself now, even if you do nothing and be like, in the future, be like, fuck, why don't I look like that? But just. You'll feel better, I promise you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you can do little steps at first, just a few little movements. Totally weigh yourself every day.

[Maddie Smith]

Watch Starvie Gets Ripped Changes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Watch David Gets Rich.

[Maddie Smith]

We have a. We have. We have a fitness series where the person is incredibly fat and is making very slow progress. Okay, Watch that. But anyway. Okay, everybody who's not fat can come back in now. Hey, you guys, what's up? Don't worry about it. Don't worry. Don't worry about what we were talking about. It's not your business. Yeah, it is not your business. All right, what else we got? Eldis.

[Stavros Halkias]

Here we go. Hi, Savvy.

[Caller]

My name is Emily.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hi, Emily, I'm calling in today about.

[Caller]

A little dilemma that I've been having as I talk to my friends about.

[Stavros Halkias]

A guy that I've just started seeing.

[Caller]

So we hooked.

[Stavros Halkias]

We've been on a couple of dates.

[Caller]

We hooked up for the first time. Really normal, wonderful guy, but has a Prince Albert piercing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is that clock?

[Caller]

Did not comment on at all.

[Stavros Halkias]

But as I've told friends about this.

[Caller]

Because this is the first of these.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've ever encountered, there's been a lot of debate about what that means about him, what that says about him.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, that's a strange move, honestly.

[Stavros Halkias]

And a lot of debate as well about if I should ask, like, was this a recent thing? Why did you get this? It's right there.

[Caller]

And a lot of my friends have said that they think he was probably surprised that I didn't ask or didn't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Comment on it at all, as though this is something that I see every day. So just wanted to get your thoughts on. Does this say anything about this human.

[Caller]

Should I ask or inquire about it? What do we think?

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you so much. Love the show.

[Maddie Smith]

Well, I mean, yeah, he was like, he does want to be asked about it. You don't fucking pierce your cock.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Cause you want to be. Keep everything low key.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

He's clearly, like, proud. You know, he gets. He probably gets off on being so, like, straight laced otherwise. And having a Pierce and then having.

[Stavros Halkias]

A Pierce stick and having, like, all her friends be like, ask him about it.

[Maddie Smith]

He loves this. He loves this. And look what that says about him. He's. He's a little bit of a freak. That's fine. Nothing crazy, like, whatever. I've seen pierced. Pierced titties. A fire, but I've seen some pierced. You know what I mean? Yeah, I've seen a little bit of that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I don't think it says anything about him. I don't think it says, like, he's a neo Nazi or anything. Skinhead. It just means he maybe had an edgy. I had a belly button ring once.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

People said people would, you know, put their hands over and say, who hurt you?

[Maddie Smith]

No, that was a classic. I mean, people of our age, belly. But I did a lot, you know, there. That was definitely a thing going around everyone. Yeah, a lot of beating off the belly button ring.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, totally.

[Maddie Smith]

Christina Aguilera, dirty.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh, fire albums. Yeah, she was dirty in that.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can ask.

[Maddie Smith]

He wants to ask. He wants you to ask for sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that thing.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, this whole thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's probably some College or.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

20S Vegas trip of sorts.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. I mean it's funny to ask about it especially if you don't like the fact that you're cool with it. That's. Then it's totally fine to ask. You know what I mean? Like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And if you. You've seen it already, you can ask. Yeah, what's with that dick?

[Maddie Smith]

Like if I see some like that, like a piercing or a tattoo or some like that. I'll just. You. I do. You just can't help but remark on it. Just be like even a quick like that's awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

You know, I feel like that's probably the most like. Oh hell yeah. Yeah. The most I've done. But like it is funny to not have the immediate like. Oh, you know what I mean? Like it is the fact that she's like I think girl's done that. Cuz I'm uncircumcised. Not, not because I have a piercing. You know, so maybe you just need to be. You need to work on like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Different.

[Maddie Smith]

Hit. As soon as I bust. You got to hit the bricks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

No, but, but I've never gotten like. Actually there's been only like one real negative. But yes. Still some people make comments about like.

[Stavros Halkias]

That it's a Prince Albert in some ways because it's like got a cape, like a hoodie.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. He's like a. He's like a duke. He's got his protective layer. What is it? Who's roused me from my slumber? It's better be and not jacking off again. Otherwise. Ah, the hand again.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm staying in.

[Maddie Smith]

Be quick about it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Maddie Smith]

If it's the hand, be quick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Be quick.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, you can ask. There's nothing wrong about it. Don't. It'd be weird to never bring it up, right? Yeah, that's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just ask. I don't think he's gonna be. Why'd you ask about that?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. And also this sound. This sounds like you need to. You need to be a little more. Sorry forthright. Because it's like you're good at hiding your initial reaction to things and that's. That can be good in some situations.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you should like say stuff.

[Maddie Smith]

Just say stuff. The sooner something makes an impression on you, the sooner you say it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Say it.

[Maddie Smith]

The more freeing you'll feel.

[Stavros Halkias]

So this is on it. And you're sitting on something that easily you can say right out loud.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So what happens if he does Something else. And for four weeks, you and your friends.

[Maddie Smith]

Totally.

[Stavros Halkias]

What would I do?

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, this is good.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's good to get into a rhythm.

[Maddie Smith]

Dick Pierce stuff is a good like easy test. It's a good bellwether. Whatever the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whatever the litmus.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, litmus.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's good.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Canary in the coal mine. A lot of good stuff. It's still not what I'm looking for, but who cares? I don't care. This podcast.

[Stavros Halkias]

This podcast. God.

[Maddie Smith]

All right, what do you think? Big L. Do you got one more for us here? Here?

[Eldis]

Yeah. This is an update from an early episode with Mark Norman's first step.

[Maddie Smith]

Okay.

[Eldis]

It was a guy who called in. He was a 31 year old virgin and he was close to getting. But the girl told him that she's like religious or something and she said this won't work and we shouldn't cuz God doesn't want you to have sex right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Word. Okay.

[Eldis]

He has a little. He has the fact that he didn't.

[Maddie Smith]

Become a mass shooter. Right. A miracle. Go ahead.

[Eldis]

So let's see how our buddy's doing years later.

[Maddie Smith]

A few years later. Let's see.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, let's see.

[Caller]

Hey, Stoppy. This is. Sorry, I didn't want to give my name.

[Maddie Smith]

We can bleep it out, buddy.

[Caller]

This is the 31 year old virgin who called in on episode 14 with Mark Norman. And I'm 33 now pause this.

[Maddie Smith]

I like that. Eldest has no, this is how short term eldest producing does. Mark Norman is going to do an episode in like a week or two and like God forbid we bring it all full circle. How Eldis is just every episode. Like I need a couple calls.

[Stavros Halkias]

I need a couple.

[Maddie Smith]

Oh, this will be good. This will be good. It's like he's on the schedule. We've talked about getting Mark on. God forbid you do a little thinking in advance, Elvis.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hilarious.

[Maddie Smith]

Anyway, I'll brief him after.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you can tell. Oh wow. Crazy.

[Maddie Smith]

Not for Mark's sake. You like Mark gives a about this guy. It would just have been good to do. Yeah, it just would have been a good. The professionalism of the show. But anyway, all good. Go ahead.

[Caller]

On episode 14 with Mark Norman and I'm 33 now, no longer a virgin. I guess I kind of took you guys advice. But long story short, I. I got God zoned, I think was the term I used, Godzoned. And you suggested that I go have some fun. So I did and lost my virginity to a Peruvian girl. Very nice.

[Maddie Smith]

Peruvian nice.

[Caller]

I have to say I Lived up.

[Maddie Smith]

To the hype, getting, you know, what checks out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, I know. Sometimes you try something and you're like, yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

People say, you know, I'd never seen the Godfather. And you know what? People are right about it, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's.

[Maddie Smith]

It is good.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is good.

[Maddie Smith]

That's awesome. To be like, yeah, was awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Respect.

[Caller]

Unfortunately. And this is the crazy part, she did give me herpes.

[Maddie Smith]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. Oh, herpes. I thought you were screaming about Mardi Gras.

[Maddie Smith]

No, no, no, no. Not beads.

[Stavros Halkias]

I thought you were screaming about anal beads.

[Maddie Smith]

Herpes. No. The first time he got herpes, now he has.

[Stavros Halkias]

Every time he fucks, tell him he has a herpes.

[Maddie Smith]

Maybe the other girl was right about. Got. God. Yes. Maybe this guy wasn't meant to get Holy. Okay, okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn. That's so.

[Caller]

So that's pretty hilarious.

[Maddie Smith]

It is. Yeah.

[Caller]

Anyways, it was a bit prompted by another. I. I got into another relationship after I got godzoned. That girl ended up getting impregnated by one of my co workers after we broke up, but still pretty rough.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy cannot catch a break, so.

[Maddie Smith]

A girl breaks up with him and gets. Oh, my God. That's. So this was the. The girl who got impregnated is not the God one. Right? It's a different one. Another relationship. It was another one. It was.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was the.

[Maddie Smith]

That would have been crazy. No, this is a different girl that he dated, I guess, after getting her. Whatever.

[Caller]

Getting impregnated by one of my co workers after we broke up, but still pretty rough. So I guess my question for you is how should I handle that? I am a busy guy, so I can.

[Stavros Halkias]

Busy guy.

[Caller]

I don't have time to listen to every single episode you put out, so I'm gonna go ahead and shoot you and Elvis a Venmo over and hope eldest. If you have time, email me or text me or me back and let me know which episode I'm on. All right, thanks. I'll go see you in Portland. Savvy.

[Maddie Smith]

All right. Okay.

[Eldis]

If you're listening, I take payola. No guarantee. We'll play your call, but go ahead and vendle me all you want. And that definitely can't hurt.

[Maddie Smith]

I have nothing to do with this, for the record.

[Stavros Halkias]

But, you know, put in your bed.

[Maddie Smith]

We just get a hundred. Like, so is comptown getting back together? El makes $1,000.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

So what's Nick Malcolm and like. Because Elders wants to eat a chipotle for free.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

I'm like, hey, Elders, the calls have gotten kind of weird lately. He's in a fur coat. He's wearing diamonds. I don't know what you're talking about, man. I think they've been very engaging calls.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's a gilded cane.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, so what do we do about this dude? Stay busy and keep meeting. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

He's not a big deal. Is he talking about what he's supposed to do do about his ex getting impregnated?

[Stavros Halkias]

Because I think he's like, this is my life now.

[Eldis]

I think just about all of it. He just doesn't know what to make with his bad virginity luck here.

[Maddie Smith]

Which, look, it's tough, but, you know.

[Eldis]

That'S a bad O for two to.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it is.

[Maddie Smith]

Have.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. It ain't great. It ain't a great start. Herpes. No condom, right. Outbreak. This is the problem with no. No sex education. This guy's going. He's going to Catholic school, right? He doesn't know exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, they're. Oh, sinners like to. You can't kill the com. So then he gets herpes from a Peruvian.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, that South American strain. That extra fiery strain of herpes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fire herpes. Fire ants.

[Maddie Smith]

Monuma's herp vent. So look, dude, it's rough. You're getting your ass here by life. That's okay. Happens to the best of us.

[Stavros Halkias]

You. So that's good.

[Maddie Smith]

You got that out of your system. And look, herpes is not that big a deal. Honestly, we talk about this before now. Did I just get my blood work back? I'm clean as a whistle. I ain't one of you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Me too. And it's one out of three, so.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's true. One out of three.

[Eldis]

Look at me.

[Maddie Smith]

Statistically, I was just like I married. I will never take another STD test. I don't need to know what the results are. Neither does my. Whatever I've got.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's got pass.

[Maddie Smith]

So. But yeah, we. JP has a great joke about it. It's like. And here's the other thing. If you're dating within the herpes community, you got access to some of the finest slingers out there. That's the. To quote JP's joke, it's like, you know, the best chefs have burns on their.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so funny. Yeah. You take some of the herpes, they. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

So you've just. You've graduated to the next level of getting. If you stay within the herpes community and even if you don't take your pills.

[Stavros Halkias]

Take your pills. Manage your outbreaks.

[Maddie Smith]

Manage it like, it's totally like it's totally fine. People, people have partners that don't have herpes as long as they stay with their right on their.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you think he should tell everyone every time he. He has herpes or just manage his.

[Maddie Smith]

You gotta tell people when you have her. You gotta, you gotta be like. And it is tougher because like I like women have called in. We're like, look, if you tell someone right before you're about to. Having been in this situation right where I'm like making out with a girl. I'm sucking a titty, she's like, by the way, I take my meds. Whatever, whatever. I've. I'm like, I don't care. I don't care. Right away.

[Stavros Halkias]

School. Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

So it is harder for men. I think it is higher.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Cuz we don't have that. Point of no return. Bo.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. When your dick is hard and you're like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, like game theory in your head. Okay, fine.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. I've gotten a couple over the pants tugs. I'm ready to go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, for sure. But women appreciate more.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You towing them up top.

[Maddie Smith]

But you. Look, here's the thing, dude. We told you to go out and have a little fun. But also you're a pretty wholesome guy. There's nothing wrong with going on some dates. Dating. Yeah, dating with the intention of being in a relationship. Whatever. Remember you got a nut off. You liked. This is an obstacle. God did it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Maddie Smith]

If this. If actually, if I were you, I would just maybe dedicate my life to the church. Because God probably doesn't want you to if you immediately got herpes. It's like, yeah, this was the first of the pestilence. He sent your dick this.

[Stavros Halkias]

But next up, Locust. Yeah. And then flooding.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So good luck. God is sending down the plagues.

[Maddie Smith]

Locust. He's going to get crabs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Crabs. And yeah, yeah. Aids bleeding.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I definitely wrap it up in.

[Maddie Smith]

The future, definitely wear some condom and you know, what are you going to do, man? Like, hey, that's life.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's life. That's life.

[Maddie Smith]

Damn. That's a tough one, brother. But we salute you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sucks.

[Maddie Smith]

If only that religious would have given you a little.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, cuz you know that show was clean.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. It wasn't good, but it was clean. Yeah. You know, what are you gonna do? Well, we feel for you and you know, you're on this episode.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So there you go.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah. Well, elders will email you. That's hysterical. That is a guy who hasn't until he's 31. So obviously. I'll. If you could just e. Email me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Personally, let me know when I'm in. Let me know when you're back in Chicago.

[Maddie Smith]

Yeah, the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Am I gonna do that?

[Maddie Smith]

I'll keep tabs. All right, man. Well, good luck, Maddie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Maddie Smith]

This was great. You were so fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thanks for having me. Fire time is yours.

[Maddie Smith]

Go. Go see Maddie on the road. Follow her on Instagram. We'll. We'll plug all this stuff, we'll add links to it, and. And come see us on the road. We're in the Dream Boat tour right now. And we'll see you next time, guys. Bye. Bye.

[Stavros Halkias]

Peace.