#129 - Nick Turani and Big Cat

Summary

Stavvy's World - Episode #129: Nick Turani and Big Cat

Release Date: May 19, 2025

Hosts: Stavros Halkias, Nick Turani, Big Cat Dan

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1. Introduction and Guest Banter (00:32 - 01:17)

The episode kicks off with Stavros Halkias warmly welcoming listeners to "Stavvy's World" from Barstool Chicago HQ. He introduces his regular co-hosts, Nick Turani and Big Cat Dan, setting a casual and humorous tone for the episode.

Notable Quotes:

• Stavi [00:32]: "Welcome everybody, to Stavi's world. 904, 800. Stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems."
• Nick Turani [00:51]: "Not me. You got the wrong guy."
• Big Cat [00:54]: "You were like the earliest on record for small dick."

2. Physical Attributes and Societal Expectations (00:51 - 06:03)

The conversation delves into personal insecurities surrounding physical attributes, particularly height and genital size. Nick humorously discusses his perceived shortcomings, while Big Cat and Stavros chime in with banter and supportive comments.

Notable Quotes:

• Nick Turani [01:23]: "Is that better, though? Because people don't expect you to have a big dick."
• Stavi [01:27]: "Height wise. Yes, yes. No dick to height wise. Better. I think societally, if you're going to have a small dick, you might as well be 6ft tall."

3. Barstool Media and Workplace Dynamics (02:06 - 09:14)

Stavros reminisces about the early days of Barstool Media, highlighting its evolution from a "blog full of idiots and predators" to a successful media company. The conversation touches on hiring practices, company culture, and the dynamics among the team members.

Notable Quotes:

• Stavi [02:07]: "It was like a blog of morons who gamble, got multi, got like $40 million to move into, like I'm building in Manhattan because I, like, knew your guys stuff and it was fun, you know."
• Nick Turani [04:39]: "We have Hank, who I've known since he's 19 years old. He's the producer of the number one sports podcast."

4. Cultural Heritage: Albanian and Greek Perspectives (13:55 - 21:22)

The hosts explore their Albanian and Greek backgrounds, discussing cultural stereotypes, immigration stories, and familial expectations. The conversation reveals Big Cat's Albanian heritage and Stavros's reflections on ethnic identity within America.

Notable Quotes:

• Stavi [14:00]: "We actually do like to ask, do you know any Albanians on the show? So that'll be good to get your perspective, too."
• Big Cat [19:12]: "My grandparents came in probably the 60s. They had a general store in their house."

5. Personal Life, Relationships, and Health (25:00 - 44:17)

The discussion shifts to personal lives, focusing on relationships, marriage, fatherhood, and health issues. Stavros shares his struggles with weight and health scares, while Nick talks about his marriage and commitment to fidelity despite personal challenges.

Notable Quotes:

• Stavi [29:13]: "My dad is an incredible carpenter, his shit's been like Architectural Digest."
• Nick Turani [06:49]: "I would never cheat on my wife because I come too fast. I always do the calculation in my head and I'm like, like, like 45 seconds to ruin my entire life."

6. Listener Call-In Segment: Relationship Advice (50:52 - 90:43)

Listeners call in with relationship dilemmas, seeking advice from Stavros, Nick, and Big Cat. The guests provide candid and often humorous feedback, addressing issues like infidelity, scamming, and parental conflicts. The segment showcases the hosts' dynamic interplay and their no-holds-barred approach to advice.

Notable Quotes:

• Caller 1 [52:43]: "I'm 34. I felt like that was a good range. Anything below mid 20s I'm too old for."
• Stavi [53:46]: "Lying about being Albanian is cr. Just... you're being a dickhead, misrepresenting who you are."
• Nick Turani [65:46]: "This is brutal. If you're doing something that destructive, it does restart the whole cycle of healing again."

7. Final Thoughts and Teasers (90:43 - End)

As the episode winds down, the hosts reflect on the discussions, emphasizing the importance of authenticity in relationships and personal growth. They tease upcoming segments and encourage listeners to engage with the show.

Notable Quotes:

• Stavi [80:16]: "You're just gonna have to deal with it, brother."
• Nick Turani [90:11]: "Yeah."

---

Insights and Conclusions

Episode #129 of "Stavvy's World" offers a blend of humor, candid conversations, and earnest advice. The hosts and their guests navigate topics ranging from personal insecurities and cultural identity to relationship challenges and health struggles. The listener call-in segment provides real-world scenarios, allowing the hosts to dispense their characteristic blend of humor and blunt honesty. Throughout the episode, themes of authenticity, self-acceptance, and the complexities of modern relationships emerge prominently.

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Notable Quotes Compilation

1. Stavi [00:32]: "Welcome everybody, to Stavi's world. 904, 800. Stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems."
2. Nick Turani [00:51]: "Not me. You got the wrong guy."
3. Big Cat [00:54]: "You were like the earliest on record for small dick."
4. Nick Turani [01:23]: "Is that better, though? Because people don't expect you to have a big dick."
5. Stavi [01:27]: "Height wise. Yes, yes. No dick to height wise. Better. I think societally, if you're going to have a small dick, you might as well be 6ft tall."
6. Stavi [02:07]: "It was like a blog of morons who gamble, got multi, got like $40 million to move into, like I'm building in Manhattan because I, like, knew your guys stuff and it was fun, you know."
7. Nick Turani [04:39]: "We have Hank, who I've known since he's 19 years old. He's the producer of the number one sports podcast."
8. Stavi [14:00]: "We actually do like to ask, do you know any Albanians on the show? So that'll be good to get your perspective, too."
9. Big Cat [19:12]: "My grandparents came in probably the 60s. They had a general store in their house."
10. Stavi [29:13]: "My dad is an incredible carpenter, his shit's been like Architectural Digest."
11. Nick Turani [06:49]: "I would never cheat on my wife because I come too fast. I always do the calculation in my head and I'm like, like, like 45 seconds to ruin my entire life."
12. Stavi [53:46]: "Lying about being Albanian is cr. Just... you're being a dickhead, misrepresenting who you are."
13. Nick Turani [65:46]: "This is brutal. If you're doing something that destructive, it does restart the whole cycle of healing again."
14. Stavi [80:16]: "You're just gonna have to deal with it, brother."
15. Nick Turani [90:11]: "Yeah."

---

Note: This summary excludes advertisement segments, intros, outros, and non-content sections to focus solely on the substantive discussions and interactions within the episode.

Transcript

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[Stavi]

Welcome everybody, to Stavi's world. 904, 800. Stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We are in Barstool Chicago hq. We got, you know, we got our boys, Nick Tarani, Big cat Dan, Danny. Dick them down cats. He's in the building.

[Nick Tarani]

Not me. You got the wrong guy.

[Big Cat]

You were like the earliest on record for small dick.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Very small dick.

[Stavi]

Oh, really?

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, big guy.

[Big Cat]

You'd be ruined if that came out that it was like, average.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, no, I. I just remember being his kid being like, it's going to get bigger. Right?

[Stavi]

It just didn't. It never. It never hits the spurt.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah. I was like a sixth grader who was, yeah. Like six feet tall and then ended up six feet tall.

[Stavi]

But. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm with you, bro. Except five, seven. Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Is that better, though? Because people don't expect you to have a big dick.

[Stavi]

Oh, true, true, true. Yes. Height wise. Yes, yes. No dick to height wise. Better. I think societally, if you're going to have a small dick, you might as well be 6ft tall.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah. I mean, being 6ft tall is in.

[Stavi]

Other arenas way easier. Yeah.

[Big Cat]

But then the disappointment of when you show the small.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right, right. Is that why you've just been in one, like, relationship?

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah. I mean, why have a wife? You had that one relationship. That's a funny way to say it.

[Stavi]

You know, since I've known you.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, I remember when we first met years ago, Barstow, you know, you guys were just like this. It's like a blog full of like, you know, idiot predators or whatever. You know what I mean?

[Nick Tarani]

Nothing has changed, by the way. We just hired new ones. Have you met Nikki smokes?

[Stavi]

The way they do?

[Big Cat]

It is different.

[Stavi]

It was like a blog of morons who gamble, got multi, got like $40 million to move into, like I'm building in Manhattan because I, like, knew your guys stuff and it was fun, you know, You.

[Nick Tarani]

You went to the original office.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I remember, like, you know, and you guys would do like, the biggest hits of fsu, you know what I mean? And then I was like, this is pretty fun. I, like, I'll read something they'll say. They'll say something problematic on their dumb blog. They'll. You'll see some tits. And then like, you're hitting me up. You're like, come to the office and you just have like, Manhattan, like, in the middle of the business district. It's like your company.

[Nick Tarani]

And then you guys became a lot.

[Stavi]

Of money and then you became the only, like, media company that makes any money somehow. That was hysterical.

[Big Cat]

That doesn't make any sense.

[Nick Tarani]

No, it doesn't make any sense because it is true. Like, there's been countless, like, blogs that have gone under.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Layoffs from espn. It's like, those guys are still doing it.

[Stavi]

Yeah. And so when I met you, I was like, oh, this is like some piece of shit who just moved from, you know where. I guess you moved from New York to New York. And I just figured you were all. You guys were like dirtbags who were like, you know, using this at the time. What I assumed was temporary clout to get as much pussy as possible.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And then you're like, no, I'm like, engaged to like, like a woman who's got a real job.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

It doesn't make sense.

[Stavi]

I was like, what's going on here?

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Why are you doing this?

[Nick Tarani]

It's very. I was telling you this last night stuff like the. The coming home now with three kids, coming home with the problems of barstool.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Is like. My wife would be like, you know, running around three kids, has a real job, and she'd be like, how's your day? And be like, I choked at mini golf again.

[Stavi]

I choked.

[Nick Tarani]

I'm so. I'm depressed. Like, I don't want to talk to anyone.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

I don't want to play with the kids right now because the mini golf game has.

[Stavi]

I played too much with my adult male friend. I'm all tuckered out for. I was in a ball pit with 41 year old. That's why I can't be in one with my child.

[Big Cat]

I'll come home and about a case race.

[Stavi]

Like stress.

[Nick Tarani]

The best was during COVID when like the world was shut down and everyone was high stress. And like, we had a kid and all this was going on and it was. I was doing Doug's the video game. I was playing in AAA 2014. And like game days in my house was Like. Like, she would, like, legit. Had to be like a real coach's wife where I was like, don't talk to me like, I'm prepping. I'm prepping for Baylor this aftern.

[Stavi]

I've got my finest offensive minds drawing up plays.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I can't go over shapes and colors with our son. I have to think about this out route.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That's so awesome, dude.

[Nick Tarani]

But yeah, Nick, the best part about barstools, we've been able to hire very talented people. Nick being the most talented.

[Stavi]

No, that's the most. What else can you do, dude?

[Big Cat]

No, I can't dance. I can't sing. Like, I'm like. I'm like a 5.5, but.

[Stavi]

Yeah. How about your. And now would you guys say you have similar. Have you ever seen your dicks in the same room? No. Oh, you know.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, you've seen my dick.

[Big Cat]

No, no, no. I. I've. I've. I. You've described it enough where I could probably police sketch artist it.

[Nick Tarani]

We did a blind measurement on.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, we did a composite of our show.

[Stavi]

Really?

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

A composite dick 6.2. What are we.

[Big Cat]

See now there's, like, the composite man, and it just ends up being a Chinese dude.

[Stavi]

Same thing.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, it's a Chinese dick.

[Nick Tarani]

The sketch artist is like, oh, man, who did this? Wait, what was our 662?

[Big Cat]

623. But I think some people lied.

[Nick Tarani]

Well, so three. Yeah. And we had. So we did a We. Everyone honor system. Blindly did it, wrote it down, put it in a bucket so no one could figure it out. But then we. Like, I was trying to get everyone.

[Big Cat]

Somebody stole the bucket.

[Nick Tarani]

And I just said right away. I was like, I'm five and a half. Like, how are we at 6.2, three?

[Stavi]

Like, who throw off? The average is on there. He's probably got a hog.

[Nick Tarani]

Titus.

[Stavi]

The biggest. Yeah, for sure. Got a hog.

[Big Cat]

No, I cut like that top plain area of the. The groin. Trying to push the ruler more.

[Stavi]

Get to the roots.

[Big Cat]

You know, when you're like, that counts.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah. When you're like sixth grade, you take a plastic ruler from like, from science class.

[Nick Tarani]

Push as hard as you can.

[Stavi]

You're stabbing your pubes. Oh, dude, you got to do the push. You absolutely have to do the push. I love that, though. So that. That I guess I'm going just understanding you as a man. Big cat, the little cock. Yeah, you had everything else. You kind of like, you were smart. I'm trying to prove something.

[Nick Tarani]

Right.

[Stavi]

Getting pussy with a little dick. That maybe if I fuck enough, I wasn't a loser in high school and my dick will just be good. But you just admitted dick's a loss. Let's cut this right? And let's get a nice wife. Yeah. Let's build a family. Like, become a captain of industry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

And also, I mean, I've said this. This is a crass thing to say, but I'll say it.

[Stavi]

Oh, God, no.

[Nick Tarani]

Like, I would never cheat on my wife because I come too fast. Like, I always do the calculation in my head and I'm like, like, like 45 seconds to ruin my entire life.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

If I like a porn star.

[Stavi]

Yeah. You know, like. Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Then it's totally different. But it's like, I. So I got the bad combo of both, Right. So as soon as I found a woman who's like, this is okay. You have other things that you're bringing to the table. I'm like, great.

[Stavi]

That's my wife. No, that's beautiful. I mean, that is smart. And you're. But you are a realist in that you allow your. Your brain to supersede, you know, the reality of your little dickies busting fast because plenty of men have ruined their lives right to nut quick.

[Nick Tarani]

Correct. You can't have it all. This is my way of God being like, you don't get it all.

[Big Cat]

It was patino. They wrote a real article. Yeah.

[Stavi]

That is awesome. Went on to coach the Greek national team. That was kind of. I think that was big for us. Yeah. In the. In the, like, interview process to be the Greek national team. Like, have you ever embarrassingly cheated on your wife in a restaurant?

[Big Cat]

That's a must.

[Nick Tarani]

They have to check it off. Yeah. They're like, okay, you're hired.

[Stavi]

It's awesome to have. How fast, you know, to be in a deposition. Oh, that's like in the. That's probably in the Library of Congress somewhere.

[Nick Tarani]

It is.

[Stavi]

We should write a play about Rick Pitino nutting quick so that way it put it go drama. Yeah. Yeah. And get it to be a good enough work of fiction that they put it in the Library of Congress and it's forever there. That he nuts fast.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, he's just a sensual guys.

[Big Cat]

Do you think you're a successful with a big dick? There's no way. There's no way.

[Nick Tarani]

Definitely not. Definitely not.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

I would have different energy and I would just be like. Because, like, I, you know, I have confidence, but at the end of the day, there's still that.

[Stavi]

Sure. Yeah. Yeah. At the end of the day. You're like the head of a multi million dollar office. Like, it's hilarious. Like, they just didn't have the right equipment here. And big. You just come in, you're like, let's go, fellas. Mics, let's go. And like, three guys who, you know, didn't graduate college.

[Nick Tarani]

Dumbest people. It actually understand how dumb the two people that were fixing them.

[Stavi]

No, I get. I can feel it. And it's interesting to know that I'm like, there's no company that's like, what me. What we do here at Stavi Baby Enterprises. You couldn't scale it up. You actually have done it.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, we.

[Stavi]

You hire your idiot friends who don't know the job.

[Nick Tarani]

Correct.

[Stavi]

And you've just built a business out of it. And I'm like, oh, maybe we could eldest. Maybe we could scale someday.

[Danny]

I think we could, man.

[Stavi]

Maybe you're.

[Danny]

I'm ready. I'm ready to move square into middle management. Walking around the office of the cops do nothing.

[Stavi]

Oh, you would be the best middleman. Just patrolling people getting off your desk, never accomplishing anything.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Danny]

Just kind of ready for it.

[Stavi]

That's.

[Nick Tarani]

That's the name of the game here. We have. I mean, Hank, who I've is probably like the closest person I've known him since he's 19 years old. He's the producer of the number one sports podcast. And he. We found his old resume once. He lied on it up and down. Had, like 15 different misspellings.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

He went to college for a month.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Like, respect.

[Stavi]

Yeah. He's a big fucking idea.

[Nick Tarani]

Like, if he went to espn, they'd try to pick his brain. Like, how you do it.

[Stavi]

They're trying to poach Hank a fucking community college.

[Big Cat]

You should send him off just to try to get.

[Nick Tarani]

It's crazy. And then, I mean, Nick. Nick got here because, I mean, he basically lived the plot of Parasite.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah. You were speaking in a guy's house.

[Nick Tarani]

KB parasited us.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. Me and him were from the same little neighborhood.

[Stavi]

Yeah. You guys, I did your show. Yeah. It was very funny. But you are from, like, just the. I mean, it sounded horrific.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, yeah, it was bad.

[Stavi]

Where was it? Where?

[Big Cat]

Wheeling, West Virginia. I'm from Bethlehem, West Virginia, outside of Wheeling. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Not great.

[Nick Tarani]

And we hired kb, and then KB was like, I got this other guy. And then they also got another guy, Moresh.

[Big Cat]

Like, they just.

[Nick Tarani]

They just bring their friends.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

He's not from Wheeling.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I was gonna say there's no way no chance. That's beautiful though.

[Big Cat]

Your hiring process is to hire the strangest looking humans and then have them like manning tech.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Rather than being in front of a camera.

[Stavi]

That's smart though. You get the up looking guys behind the camera near, near like some football player. They would like kill themselves to shake their hand. It is funny to just see the guys in the background like shaking like they're girls meeting like, you know, Justin Bieber in his prime. It's like just some D lineman, like the fattest guy with the worst hair you've ever seen in your life. It's like, like crying like, how did.

[Nick Tarani]

You get a job here? It's like, well, I'm 200 pounds overweight and Dave saw a video of me.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. He saw me doing. I was doing this TikTok series where I chug a bottle of Pepto Bismol once every day for a month to see if it could stop my diarrhea. It didn't, by the way. And they just saw that at Barstool. They thought I'd be a natural fit.

[Big Cat]

That's the next Barstool superstar.

[Nick Tarani]

It's beautiful. It really is. We're. We are. And it's, it's. The beauty of Barstool is like they're Nick. I don't count Nick in this because Nick's very funny and, and talented. But we do have 20, 30 people that like, if they didn't work at Barstool, I think they'd be homeless.

[Big Cat]

Is that pressure on you?

[Nick Tarani]

Big time pressure.

[Stavi]

Attention, attention.

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[Stavi]

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[Stavi]

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[Stavi]

Them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with chubbies. So it's just funny to think about what even was. I'm just curious about wheeling. And just by having the name Tarani, were you just the most ethnic guy there?

[Big Cat]

Yeah, dude, I was. I was black. Yeah, I was.

[Stavi]

You guys were considered a minority.

[Big Cat]

Definitely.

[Stavi]

Are you Italian? What's going. I mean, the name is Italian, but Albanian. No.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Wait, you're not Italian?

[Stavi]

We have an Albanian.

[Big Cat]

Are you serious?

[Stavi]

You stuck a fucking Albanian on my show? What the.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, man. I'm so sorry.

[Stavi]

You.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, we have our. We have our disagreements.

[Stavi]

I believe.

[Nick Tarani]

That's crazy.

[Stavi]

Oh, I'm fudgeing. Outnumbered by Albanians on my own show.

[Danny]

Say it loud and proud.

[Big Cat]

Albanian.

[Stavi]

Dude, this is a devastating.

[Big Cat]

My grandma, every girlfriend I ever had from high school, her first question was, are they Greek? Wouldn't allow it that.

[Stavi]

Wouldn't allow. That's rich. Yeah. Try and make it go the other way.

[Nick Tarani]

Is this like historical beef? I don't. I'm not familiar with this.

[Stavi]

I mean, that's so beautiful. This is great because we actually do like to ask, do you know any Albanians on the show? So that'll be good to get your perspective, too. But yes. Place. It's intra European, like Balkan racism, where Greeks consider themselves the top of the.

[Big Cat]

Food, but they're all exactly the same.

[Nick Tarani]

You know, why are Greeks the top of the food chain? They were the first to pass.

[Stavi]

We perfected it. We moved on. We got it out of our system. All right.

[Nick Tarani]

300 year phase.

[Stavi]

It was just a little phase. You fucking sit all day philosophizing. You're going to need to blow off some steam. Somehow. They didn't have PlayStation back then. They didn't have stuff.

[Big Cat]

They have the next best thing.

[Stavi]

They were, you know, they tried some kooky stuff, did it for three or four hundred years and then they stopped. But I don't know, I just think the, you know, we just, just the region, we have the best, we have the best tourism. We have it like our economy is the strong. Like here's how bad Albania's economy is. Greece in the middle of it, like generationally the worst economy yet.

[Nick Tarani]

Like. Yeah.

[Stavi]

People who are between the ages of like, like 45 and 25 just don't get to work. Like, they work like. Like my cousin was unemployed for a decade. You know what I mean?

[Big Cat]

Was he like enjoying himself?

[Stavi]

Sneak into that country to work.

[Big Cat]

That's true.

[Stavi]

Sneak into that country because. Because there's more opportunity there. He was enjoying himself.

[Big Cat]

There we go.

[Stavi]

He was getting pussy. He was just like working at bars. He was like a grown man working at like tourist like scumbag behavior. He's working at the equivalent of like the Jersey Shore. A little bit like the shitty like Margaritaville. Dude, he's. He was like a metal. He was like at a metal bar at like an island for like, you know, 20 year old Australians.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[Stavi]

And he was just living in a tent, laying and just couldn't speak English and just like somehow getting women back to his tent and just, you know, he would leave to work for the summer and he would have to call his father for he didn't have money to buy a ticket back to Athens. Not only did he not save money.

[Big Cat]

He worked for the summer.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Not only did he not save money, he would have to call his retired father.

[Big Cat]

He's in the red after working also.

[Stavi]

And he would take like a boat ride. Like, dude, he would take like, there's like an easy jet that's like, you know, fast jet that you could get from the island to Athens in like, you know, four hours. Right? Little expensive. This fucking guy would take like, like a cargo ship. It would take him 24 hours. He would get the cheapest ticket ever. It was. It was a beautiful life, but we have to return to this. I didn't know we had a crypto Albanian on the podcast.

[Nick Tarani]

Albania's flag though is badass.

[Stavi]

Even I give them that. It is awesome.

[Big Cat]

It's a good flag.

[Stavi]

The double eagle's good. Red and black. It does look sinister. Yeah, it's red and black. Double eagle looks bad. It looks sinister.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. You could compare it to other things.

[Stavi]

That's. Yeah, exactly. You're not getting in the eu.

[Nick Tarani]

Look at that.

[Big Cat]

That's tough.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You're gonna have to change that if you want to get in the eu. But it is. I'll tell you this. On, like, Bronx mafia guys, Right. It looks cool. Tattooed on their forearm. Right?

[Big Cat]

That's on the back of Eliza Doucheq.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. She has a double eagle, tramp style.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. On the back of her neck, I think. I think Doucheq's got it.

[Stavi]

Albanian. That is a problem. I have run up against that.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

In these.

[Nick Tarani]

Discussions, who's the most famous Albanian besides Dushka? Nadu Nado. Jeff Nadu.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Who the.

[Nick Tarani]

He's a guy who's. Who's worked for barstool multiple different times.

[Big Cat]

Dude. He's, like, looking at. Him's like, looking at, like, those magic eyes, like you can't comprehend what you're seeing.

[Stavi]

His name is Jeff Nado.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I love that.

[Danny]

About to drop my resume off here.

[Stavi]

I don't like that. By the way, El got here like, an hour early. He's networking. He's never been prepared for anything in his life. But he comes here where they know they hire. He's like, I could be. I could be VP here.

[Nick Tarani]

Elvis, my only question is, can you. Can you keep that sling on for the rest of your life?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Because then you're hired. We just got a one arm.

[Stavi]

My one arm tour manager who has a problem being on time. He's perfect.

[Nick Tarani]

I mean, he said when we started, he's like, I've never not recorded the video.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

I'm like, but this is a podcast, Elvis.

[Stavi]

Oh. So did your family come from Albania?

[Big Cat]

My grandparents.

[Stavi]

West Virginia.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Wow.

[Big Cat]

It's like a lateral move.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

The Albania of America.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Be comfortable.

[Stavi]

Wow. What years are this? So your grandparents come in, like, the, what, I guess, 70s? It would probably be the.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, probably the 60s. Wow.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I didn't even know Albanians were doing that kind of immigration.

[Big Cat]

It must have been some sort of escape. But my grandma, like, hyped up my grandfather. She was like. We were very successful there. We were very, very popular. And then I did the ancestry, and I found out he was a pot boy. He would just scrub pots, which I think is probably the highest level job you can have.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And those pots were what, like, for shitting?

[Big Cat]

Probably. They didn't have.

[Stavi]

They definitely did not listen. Albania in the 60s. No indoor plumbing. So they must have fled communism, I guess.

[Big Cat]

Maybe.

[Stavi]

So, you know. Yeah. A couple capitalist Albanians coming to West Virginia.

[Big Cat]

I haven't picked their brain about it because I've never really. I'm not proud of any. I don't know. Yeah, not a thing.

[Stavi]

I. This is what America does. It does. It just kind of flattens, like your ethnic identity. In your case, that's a good thing. You want. You want to be baptized and just become just a regular white guy.

[Big Cat]

That's all I want.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Because Albania, that you want to shake Albania off, but it is fascinating because it's like. That is so. That is the one. Like, coming from Albania in the 60s, West Virginia probably felt like paradise.

[Big Cat]

Oh, my God. I mean, we're living the dream.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

That's Wheeling, West Virginia.

[Stavi]

What did they do? And like, what was their. What was their business?

[Big Cat]

They had a general store in their house.

[Stavi]

Wow. What the. Is this the Wild West? Yeah, they're selling like, rope and sarcan.

[Big Cat]

So my dad lived in the upstairs, and my grandma and grandpa ran a general store.

[Stavi]

General store, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

That's awesome.

[Stavi]

A modern town. No, not a modern. We have bundles of hay for.

[Nick Tarani]

Where else are you going to get Tylenol? And fishing.

[Big Cat]

That's the only place you can get it.

[Stavi]

That's fucking awesome, dude. Holy shit.

[Nick Tarani]

Was Albania landlocked?

[Stavi]

No. They have some coastline. They do, yeah. Yeah. It's. It's kind of between, like, Greece.

[Nick Tarani]

Can you show me all this beautiful.

[Danny]

Coastline set against the mountains? I'll show you.

[Nick Tarani]

I don't know nothing about this part of Europe.

[Stavi]

Oh, I. Yeah, this the Albanian Riviera.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, that's nice.

[Stavi]

Big cat.

[Big Cat]

You could own that whole thing.

[Stavi]

So sick.

[Big Cat]

You could make a bid.

[Danny]

Jared Kushner's trying to develop some.

[Stavi]

There we go.

[Nick Tarani]

They got a lot of coast.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

They're just going to look at them.

[Stavi]

This is the plan B. If they don't get Gaza, they're like, we're going to Albania. We'll figure it out. Hell. Somewhere equally as war torn.

[Big Cat]

Let's get it. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

He also has. By the way, I know you. You were mentioning your trainer on the bus.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Nick Tarani]

Similar to Nick's. Straight dad.

[Stavi]

You have a straight dad? Straight dad, straight Albanian. Yeah.

[Big Cat]

As an arrow.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah. He's very straight. He does do a lot of work in San Francisco. But he's straight.

[Stavi]

Like, what is your. Does he have any defining character? Because we have a friend, our buddy. Straight George.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Who everyone thinks he's gay. He's just a gentle, nice man with a kind of a larger mouth. I think that's part of it. Because gay guys have like a. They Have a twinkle in their eyes.

[Nick Tarani]

True.

[Stavi]

Like, they really do. They seem happier. They have, like, a specific twinkle. They have beautiful eyes. And some of them will have like a RG3 has kind of gay mouth, you know, where it's like, big and wet.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean?

[Big Cat]

Like, is there a correlation to how wet the mouth is?

[Stavi]

I think because it, because it's, you're, because it kind of looks naturally like you're wearing lip gloss.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[Stavi]

So it's sort of. It doesn't. Right. You're just a guy who happens to have a moist mouth, but your brain, because of western beauty standards, finds that to be reminiscent of, like, a woman's, A nice woman we think of as being gay DSLs. Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, you do.

[Stavi]

But you hide them. You could hide them with that mustache. Yeah, yeah. You don't lead with the, with the.

[Nick Tarani]

I would, I would be fine in prison.

[Stavi]

Yeah. So you, you would just go straight to sucking dick.

[Nick Tarani]

You think? Yeah.

[Stavi]

You don't think. You.

[Big Cat]

Day one, you find the biggest guy.

[Stavi]

Find the biggest guy. You fucking sit him down. You take him, you take him tip to nuts. And you show everybody who's balls or who's boss. Damn, I thought that was on purpose. No, no, no, no.

[Nick Tarani]

The. I, I, I just had, like, memory. Hold this. But I remember when you first did come to the barstool office, we were actually talking about potentially putting, like, cometown on serious.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Nick Tarani]

And I was like, I remember having a conversation with Dave. I was like, these guys are so funny, but do you know what they say?

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

I don't know if serious would, it.

[Stavi]

Wouldn'T have even been that. I mean, serious, you could say, you could pretty much say whatever you wanted.

[Nick Tarani]

But you said other stuff.

[Stavi]

Yeah, we did. No, no, we took it, we took it too far. But there was no way we were doing. Dude, if there, if you put any more work on come down, it would have collapsed on itself. Like, we couldn't get. We, we did. We had a highly successful podcast for years, and we did not have like, a recording sched schedule, like, till three years in. It would just be like, we haven't put out a, like an episode in a while. Like, should, like, we're getting close to. It's been almost a week. Should we go to Nick's and record an episode? And that could be like, no, I'm playing PlayStation. You have to come here at like, midnight or, you know, I mean, like, it'll be. Yeah, it'll be so stupid.

[Big Cat]

Did you ever have, like, A brainstorming sesh.

[Stavi]

No. Yeah. Actually, early on, we kind of, like, we had, like. We sort of had, like, sketches and that. That lasted, like, two. And ironically, as soon as we started, like, making money and we were just like. We didn't give a fuck anymore. Like, it was like. I think we'd given up on it being successful. It was. It was kind of annoying work. And then it started being shut, and then it started picking up, and we were like, well, I guess we have to keep doing this.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Right. We're not gonna work hard at it. You know what I mean? So. But, yeah, I know. That was very funny. That. That was basically a recruiting visit, the barstool. And I was. I was like, this is fun.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah. We watched some ball.

[Stavi]

We had a good time. But I was like, there's no way we're doing anything else.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

We can barely do two episodes.

[Nick Tarani]

It would have yet to do a daily radio show.

[Stavi]

I mean, dude, there was no way. There was no way it would have lasted a week. Yeah.

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[Stavi]

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[Stavi]

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[Stavi]

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[Stavi]

You'Re trying to go completely off it.

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[Stavi]

Still. So I want to get back to your straight dad though, because like, what other kind of straight stuff is he up to? Does he have a wife that's kids?

[Big Cat]

Yeah. Procreate it twice. He. He moved to San Francisco for four years without my mom when I was in college.

[Stavi]

What was he doing?

[Big Cat]

Working.

[Stavi]

What's his job?

[Big Cat]

Never told me.

[Stavi]

Wait, come on. You don't know what your dad's job is?

[Big Cat]

It's pretty unclear, like to this day. Yeah. Yeah. Dude. I've learned now. I've never talked to like my grandma about my heritage. I've never talked to my dad. Right. Damn. I'm.

[Stavi]

You guys. Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

You kind of exist.

[Stavi]

Kind of in a bubble, I think.

[Big Cat]

It's just.

[Stavi]

We just don't know. Yourself.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You got to look back. You got to look back a little bit. Yeah.

[Big Cat]

What if I find something I don't.

[Stavi]

Want to find out? You will. You. Absolutely. For example. Yeah. Like, don't. Don't contact your. You know, your dad's landlord in San Francisco. No. Don't ask him who. Who was in and out of that place. Don't ask for the hallway cam in front of. In front of your dad's door. You're not gonna like what you see, but it is fascinating that he just move. He showed. Come on. You. You don't. What does he do? Like consult? Like, nothing.

[Big Cat]

He. He's the director of a law firm, but he's not an attorney.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Nick Tarani]

That's. I feel like though, that's a very. Like, most people just don't really know what they're up to.

[Big Cat]

Dudes should know what their dad.

[Stavi]

Yeah, my dad will. See, that's the thing. Yeah. If your dad is a. Like, my dad was a carpenter. He had the kind of job that a baby understands. You know what I mean? So, like, that was fun. I always be like, dad's a carpenter. He has a wood shop. I mean, he was up to some actually straight activities. Like, I'm pretty sure he was just cheating out of his wood shop.

[Big Cat]

Okay.

[Stavi]

Which is like, imagine the type of woman that comes by and gives up pussy on a futon in an office attached to a wood shop. Yeah. You're literally having sawdust in your fucking pussy. Like, it's disgusting. Like, one time I had a. I had my tire. I had a flat tire that happened to be, like, right outside my dad's wood shop. So I was like, perfect. I pushed my. Like, I was right outside, so I just pushed my car to it. And I knock on the door, and my dad, like, won't open the main door and opens the, like, garage. You know how, like, the garage door kind of goes up and he just kind of opens it, like, to chest height and, like, peeks under. He's like, hey, what's up, man? It's his son in distress, Right? In theory, this is like, the one of the only times we're ever gonna actually bond. It's like, you know what, dad? We don't see eye to eye, but you really helped me out. We changed a tire together. That feels like classic man bonding type shit. And he's clearly stalling me. You know what I mean? He's clearly stalling for a second, and then eventually he's like. He comes out and gets me. And I don't think there was a woman there or anything, but he was. My hunch is he was setting. There was the most pathetic boxed wine and cheese plate in the mini fridge. And I'm like, is this guy about to get his dick sucked? And he smelled like shit, by the way. Like, there's no shower in his wood shop. I'm like, how. Who were these woman. Women that were debasing themselves?

[Big Cat]

What was he making?

[Stavi]

He, you know, just like, whatever. Like, cat. Custom cat. He's an incredible carpenter, actually, like, custom cabinetry. His shit's been like Architectural Digest. He was just like, he's fucking good as shit. But, you know, my boy.

[Big Cat]

My boy from the Mediterranean. You're the son of a carpenter.

[Stavi]

That's right, dude. That's right, dude. Exactly. Yep. Yep. I might be the. I Might be the Messiah.

[Nick Tarani]

You're right.

[Stavi]

I was a really shitty carpenter. People be really bad.

[Big Cat]

You're Jesus Christ, man.

[Stavi]

Far, that would be awesome.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

All the shit you believe is fucking stupid. I said so. Damn. If I could have his powers too. Just zapping motherfuckers. Did he ever zap?

[Big Cat]

I think he zapped a couple times.

[Stavi]

There he goes.

[Big Cat]

I think he teased Mary Magdalene like, you know, like wireless panties.

[Stavi]

Yeah. He used his own electricity powers to do a Sibian. Mary Magdalene's on a Sibian. He sounded. There are parts of Jesus. I hear that. I'm like, that guy sounds cool. His friends are all, you know, he's hanging out with.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Respect. I love hoes too. I'm. They're. They are nice people. Like, they are some of the nicest people. He's hanging with like, hoes. Probably gay guys.

[Big Cat]

He was a foot guy.

[Stavi]

If he's a foot guy, he'll wash your feet. Oh, my. You're so right.

[Big Cat]

Watch those toots.

[Stavi]

That's so funny. That. That absolutely just some insane guy who said he was the son of God that had a foot fetish. Just played it just right. And now everyone thinks that's at the biggest. The second biggest religion in the world.

[Nick Tarani]

If. If it was. Yeah. If they were foot finder back then, he would have not done any of this stuff. He would have just been sitting in a basement.

[Stavi]

He quit the, the woodworking. His. The. His. Joseph's like, all right, man, enough with the wooden sandals. Stop asking the ladies to try on your wooden sandals. They don't feel good.

[Nick Tarani]

I actually sometimes wonder that, like, how much innovation would have been stunted if we had only fans. Like, how many. Like, you think, you think, like, you know, we're inventing the light bulb.

[Stavi]

It's an incredible brain drain that's going on. And if anything, all we can hope for is, like, new ways to beat off.

[Nick Tarani]

Right?

[Stavi]

Like, I really do think there will be some kind of meta jerk off booth, you know, where it's like, I. What I'm picturing is sort of like one of those, like the float chambers or whatever.

[Big Cat]

Oh, yes.

[Stavi]

Sensory deformation.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You put on a wetsuit, you put on a glasses, you get into the fucking. The. The tank. Yeah. And you could like, select anyone from, like, you could just pick anyone from history. Like you could do a movie and just be like Catherine Jada Jones from Zorro and then she sucks your dick. Like, in your head. It's like you're Antonio Banderas and it feels like you're Antonio Banderas. Because you're not feeling your own body. That's important.

[Big Cat]

That's.

[Stavi]

That's really important. Right. I can't feel my stomach. Hit my thigh. Nice.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I have to be a sexy guy with a nice hog and you know what I mean?

[Nick Tarani]

And then the Atlantic will write like a long piece about why men don't respect women anymore.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Nick Tarani]

We can't figure this out.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

No. We're all getting sucked off in a century.

[Stavi]

Our only technology. Our only technologies, like China's washing us in everything.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

I feel like we're figuring out beating off, like that's the one thing where we're the little engine that could. Even though they have more. They have more like, like science and all this, all the, like, in terms of pure gooning hours spent, how much we love it. We are going to beat China in that race for sure.

[Nick Tarani]

That's actually how we should win the war with China. It's just get them porn, dude.

[Big Cat]

I think we. We install escalators everywhere. Every Chinese video I see, they're getting swallowed up. That's how we get them.

[Stavi]

You think they can't handle escalators?

[Big Cat]

They can't do it. They can't do it. We just got to drop them in parachute.

[Stavi]

We would the escalation up, though.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Ours would need, like, repairs all the time.

[Big Cat]

Yes.

[Stavi]

You know, we're. I don't know.

[Nick Tarani]

Did you guys see the. Dude, the Wrestlemania was last night. I don't know when this is going out, but for not trying to get out, that's my bad. No, you're good. He was telling a Super Bowl.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's fine. We're about to talk about other.

[Nick Tarani]

This dude was trying to go, like. I guess they were. It was like hard to get out of the stadium and there was these dudes trying to go up the s.

[Stavi]

I did see that video.

[Nick Tarani]

And this one dude, saddest dude ever. Just like, you know, all his wrestling paraphern and he just can't make it to the top.

[Stavi]

He's running like Everest and he has shit in his pockets with the man in the green boots.

[Nick Tarani]

He literally gave up. He's just like, I'm going back down. I can't do this.

[Stavi]

No, it was really funny because his friends do it and it's just like running up and then he tries. He can't quite get it. He's carrying a bunch of stuff.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

He takes everything out of his pockets, bundles it up, throws it to his friend. Like he's going on a lifeboat from the Titanic. And then he's like, all right, I'm gonna do it now. Still can't do it.

[Nick Tarani]

Still can't do it.

[Stavi]

Just way too fat. The most exercise he's probably done in so long.

[Nick Tarani]

So Elvis doesn't p. Clips.

[Stavi]

No, no, there's no. I mean, he's texting, probably. You're clearly here.

[Big Cat]

It's just. It's the blinking cursor in Google. It's the blinking cursor. It's so ominous.

[Stavi]

No, not at all. Not even consider it. It says drive.

[Big Cat]

What were we talking about? Drive?

[Stavi]

I don't know.

[Big Cat]

The Ryan Gosling movie.

[Stavi]

Probably looking at Google Drive. Is that right? Eldest.

[Nick Tarani]

I thought he was gonna do, like, a little bit of, like, wrestling escalator. Like, just pretend I can't find it. Didn't even. No flinch.

[Stavi]

No, my friend. And that's exactly right. That's what we're dealing with here. It was nice. You got to show your incompetence. But I'm sure. Look, at the end of the day, the mom and pop beats big business every day. You know what I mean? We're still a mom and pop shop. You guys have ironed out some of the kinks by necessity. Not us.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Elda still has no instincts for live producing.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, I mean, there's nothing better than explaining something and being like, trust me, guys, it was funny.

[Stavi]

Well, you know, it's not like half of the show is visual, and it would aid in people watching it on YouTube or anything.

[Nick Tarani]

I swear to God, it was.

[Big Cat]

It was good.

[Stavi]

Check it out, guys. Guys, check it out. You Google it. Elvis isn't going to still has it. This. Oh, now he's diving.

[Nick Tarani]

Wrestling. Escalator.

[Stavi]

All right. Okay, let's see if he pulls it up. Wrestling escalator. WrestleMania.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh.

[Stavi]

Didn't immediately come up. Let's see how this. How are you gonna. I have an idea of how I would find it. I know exactly, but I'm not gonna tell you.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Can you try it, buddy? Me?

[Danny]

I don't know.

[Big Cat]

I love the honesty.

[Stavi]

There we go.

[Nick Tarani]

Okay.

[Stavi]

Images. Okay. Is there another tab? Maybe there's this. Are we looking for.

[Big Cat]

We need, like, a moving image.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Second.

[Nick Tarani]

One. Second. Do you know what two is? All right, click on that. He's gonna be. He's not gonna be able to watch it.

[Stavi]

Oh, here we go.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, here we go.

[Stavi]

There it is.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, Here he is.

[Stavi]

Good job.

[Nick Tarani]

Trying to go up.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah. This guy's so funny.

[Nick Tarani]

And he's.

[Stavi]

It.

[Nick Tarani]

And I Thought he was going to keep. He's just like.

[Stavi]

He knows. There it is.

[Nick Tarani]

Take my stuff.

[Stavi]

Take it. I'll be there.

[Nick Tarani]

I'll write back to you. He looks down. Oh, no.

[Stavi]

He just gave up.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, he gave up.

[Stavi]

The enormous crowd behind, and then other people have to go around him.

[Big Cat]

So I've experienced the shame of pussing out of, like, the high dive. This has to be like that times 10.

[Stavi]

Oh, dude, the high dive is tough.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, you're right. The funniest part is him throwing it.

[Stavi]

Be like throwing it.

[Nick Tarani]

Get this.

[Big Cat]

He threw a literal towel.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Get this. John Cena paraphernalia. Back to my family.

[Stavi]

If I don't make it. If I don't make it, my boy.

[Nick Tarani]

Has this wrestling belt.

[Big Cat]

I need my boy to have his yeet T shirt.

[Stavi]

And by boy, I clearly mean a funko pop because I've never had sex. I definitely don't have a family.

[Nick Tarani]

Make sure this fungo pop ends up in my mom's basement.

[Stavi]

God damn, that was pathetic. But I know it. I recognize myself from a year ago in that image that fat. When a fat boy has to do on unexpected, you know, feats of strength.

[Nick Tarani]

It'S like there's a. There's like a 10 second where you can. You're like, I still have this. And then it hits you and you're like, no, I don't.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You feel invincible. Like, when you sprint for the first three seconds, you're like, I'm the fastest. I'm Usain Bolt.

[Nick Tarani]

We.

[Stavi]

And then you're back and dude, we.

[Nick Tarani]

Did the combine here a month ago.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah. Hell yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

I ate so much on the 40 yard draft. 40 yard. What am I looking for?

[Stavi]

Dash.

[Nick Tarani]

Dash. My body just. My legs literally were like, what are you doing?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

And they just gave out.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

People called it out for being fake because it was so slapstick.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

But it was a genuine failing of the human body.

[Nick Tarani]

And elders is gonna pull it up right now.

[Stavi]

Ah, that's so. No, don't just do.

[Nick Tarani]

Just do. Big cat combine fall.

[Stavi]

There you go.

[Nick Tarani]

There it is. There it is. Oh, that was easy.

[Stavi]

Oh, no.

[Nick Tarani]

Facebook. Yeah, you got this.

[Stavi]

Damn. You guys have a nice Facebook contingent. Oh, I don't know. You got uncles that pop in?

[Nick Tarani]

I don't just post stuff for us, okay?

[Stavi]

This is history. Here's the cat. Here's big cat about to sprint. I will say you do. Look, you're not as fat. Oh, wow.

[Big Cat]

Nobody fluctuates like you. Yeah, I was like, three weeks ago.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Oh, you took. You took a mulligan.

[Nick Tarani]

Dude, that was the worst feeling when. Yeah, I took.

[Stavi]

Man, here we go.

[Nick Tarani]

And I'm just going so fast.

[Stavi]

It feel. You feel like you're. Oh, no, dude, that's insane.

[Nick Tarani]

People thought I was faking. It's like, dude, why would I skin my knee and look like an ass?

[Stavi]

If you did that, you're the best physical comedian of all.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, no, I remember there was, like, maybe 10 years ago, I lost a little weight, and I was, like, kind of feeling cocky about it, and. And Dave just. Just on me so bad on the rundown, he's like, you'll gain it back.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

And I just. And he was right. It's just like £50.

[Stavi]

What's the point? Honestly, If I were you, little dick. Children, married, get laid. Yeah. Yeah. What? There's no way. I'm not. You're a Chicago father of three with a good job. It's actually up. You're not fat. You have to get fatter and fatter.

[Nick Tarani]

I sure get fatter.

[Stavi]

Every year. You need to gain £4 until you're, like, the fattest guy of all time. Like, that. You have the. The build for it. You live in this city.

[Nick Tarani]

Like.

[Stavi]

Like, if you're not fat, when you're like, you know, in 15 years. Like, if you're not really fat in.

[Nick Tarani]

15 years, but you know what's going to happen? I bet you this happens to you, too. Because we were talking about this. Like, you.

[Stavi]

You.

[Nick Tarani]

You look good, but you're like, I'm never going to get, like, super skinny. Do you think about the time when you're like, I think this happens to everyone in their, like, 50s or 60s, especially if they have money, where they're like, I'm going to live forever.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Nick Tarani]

Like, you're going to hit that point. You're like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to live to 112.

[Stavi]

I don't think I. I think I know the way you knew that your dick was a limiting factor in getting pussy. I know that the life I've already lived.

[Nick Tarani]

But you don't.

[Stavi]

Is a limiting factor in living longer.

[Nick Tarani]

Pocket. And you're like, oh, this guy's gonna works, brother. Yeah, it does, though. Rich people can do that. They can be like, oh, here's how.

[Stavi]

Have you seen pictures of them? They have, like, weird toupees.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

They're skinny as fuck. You know, it's just like. It's not. That's not. I want to burn bright.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know What I mean, I'm going out. In fact, there will be a moment where the exact opposite happens where I make peace with and get so insanely fat. Like I'm going to be an old man. Like I'm trying to live and have good quality of life for the next 30 years or so. But man, have you had a 70 hits. I'm getting fat as dude and just eating.

[Big Cat]

I bet you the second you have a scare, it's.

[Stavi]

I mean, I've said, yeah, I've had plenty of serious health issues. Doctors tell me like, don't do this, you'll die. You know what I mean? There was like when I was on tour last, the last tour where I was gaining. When I got up to like 350, there were nights where I was like, I don't think I'm gonna die in my sleep. I don't think so. But I've taken enough dick pills, regular pills, weed. Like, I'm so fucked up on. Like the things in my bloodstream right now are too many dick pills. Cause I'm so fat, the regular dose won't work. So I have to take more than a doctor would tell me to. Just Xanax or just some kind of pill weed, rib eye fat, you know what I mean? And I'm like an ice cream cone. It's like this very easily. Like I'm. My CPAP is losing to my. To me. Like I'm shorting my travel cpap. I'm so fucking. You know what I mean?

[Nick Tarani]

Like, if you died and they did the autopsy, it wouldn't be like, howdy died.

[Stavi]

No one would have asked any followers. This makes perfect sense. If that story comes out. Like, that's. If that story came out. Stop. Zeus dies on the road. No one would be like, what?

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

There would be no question about how it happened. There would be no, no one would accuse. No one would accuse any coroner of foul play. It would not. It would be like, let's immediately make the funeral arrangements. We feel so bad for his mother. We. We should have. We're gonna go apologize for not stopping him sooner. We all knew we were all saying it behind his back, but we didn't have the guts to actually have an intervention. That's what would have happened if I died. And I just. I just don't want. So, yeah, I. My whole. There were two years of my life that were a constant scare.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I was like, man, I hope I make it out of this. I really had that thought for a year straight. I was like, God, I Hope I don't die right now. That would suck.

[Nick Tarani]

That would really suck.

[Stavi]

That would be brutal. But so, yeah, I don't want to be Brian Johnson who's like eating can.

[Nick Tarani]

You know what I mean?

[Big Cat]

Like, gray.

[Stavi]

It's weird. And he doesn't look better.

[Nick Tarani]

No.

[Stavi]

And you also, you have a glow. You have something about you when you're having a good time.

[Nick Tarani]

Right. That's true.

[Stavi]

I think happy person looks better than a somebody who's doing everything right and just like is miserable.

[Nick Tarani]

Right.

[Stavi]

You know, that's, that's my plan. I want to live, I want to be healthy for the next 30 years. After that, I want to be.

[Nick Tarani]

So you're giving yourself 65?

[Stavi]

No, no. So 65 is when I'll be healthy.

[Nick Tarani]

Got it.

[Stavi]

You know, till 65.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

65 to 70, I'll maintain.

[Nick Tarani]

See, I think that changes though. I think everyone gets to that point of like, oh, mortality. And then they start doing, you know, they find God. They do all this.

[Stavi]

I'll never find God.

[Nick Tarani]

I won't either. But I think a lot of people do that when they're older.

[Stavi]

Yeah, but it's pathetic. I mean, it's like, it's just like, you can't. I'm not finding God. I'm not trying to live forever. I like, I like that we're gonna die. I don't want to live forever. And also it's like the things you worry about where you're like, oh, I hope I get my, like, everything you, you fear will happen and has already happened. Like, I remember thinking like, damn, I wish, like, my brother just had a kid and I saw a picture of my grandma holding my nephew and it's fucking cute as fuck. It's like two generations completely opposite. And in my head I was like, damn. When I was younger, I was like, if I have kids, I want to meet my grandmother. No chance. I'm having. No chance. I'm having kids before she checks out. You know what I mean? And it's like. And that just happened while I was living my life. There's gonna be so many more of those where it's like, oh, I really.

[Nick Tarani]

Wanted to do this.

[Stavi]

Goal, not gonna happen. But I had a good time. Your life is different than you imagined it.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And you just have to have a good ass time. And that's really what I'm hoping. And it's, you know, I don't wanna. It's pathetic when people try and cling on and I just can't.

[Nick Tarani]

I just can't have my wife die before me, then I don't.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, yeah. But that won't happen. There's no chance.

[Nick Tarani]

I've told her too before. She, like, because, you know, you have those conversations, like, what would you do? And like her, her mother passed away a few years ago and so her dad's dating again. And I'm like, I told her. I told her straight up. I was like, if you die by high end prostitutes, that's it. I'll never like, because I'm not really romantic. I'm not.

[Stavi]

I'm not putting in the effort.

[Big Cat]

That's really beautiful.

[Nick Tarani]

It's actually like the, like, that's probably the like sweetest thing.

[Stavi]

That is sweet because you're not lying, right? You're not like, I'll never be with anyone else again.

[Nick Tarani]

Someone else that I love.

[Stavi]

But I'm, you know.

[Nick Tarani]

But I am going to some high end some time.

[Big Cat]

Your kids growing up, seeing a different walking out of your house every day like dad really loves.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Nick Tarani]

Like the real.

[Stavi]

I know what barstool. I know what your stake in barstool is. I know you're not getting bottom of the barrel, dude. Absolutely.

[Nick Tarani]

It's going to be great.

[Stavi]

Beautiful.

[Big Cat]

You're going to be like a Saudi prince.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah. And that's.

[Stavi]

That is beautiful though. You're right. Because being like, I'll never remarry, I'll never date again, it's a lie. You're going to get a couple nuts off. But you're saying it will be a business transaction. Be business with, you know, some of the. The most gifted throat goats through like.

[Nick Tarani]

Trying to convince another woman that the small dick that comes fast is okay. Right.

[Stavi]

Right, Right.

[Nick Tarani]

Right. That's a who.

[Stavi]

So it's not really about loving your wife more than any other woman.

[Nick Tarani]

It's more, yeah. My own limitations.

[Stavi]

It's more. Again, just being pragmatic.

[Ad Reader]

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[Stavi]

You're going to love it. I love it.

[Ad Reader]

I sleep on a Thuma bed frame. To get $100 towards your first bed purchase, go to Thuma Co Stavi that's t h u m ma co s t a v v y to receive 100 bucks off your first bed purchase. Go buy some furniture that I got. We can be pal. We can be bedroom furniture pals.

[Stavi]

Well, there's no chance you outlive your wife, right?

[Nick Tarani]

Probably not. I don't know, though. I. I went to the doctor for the first time in like, a decade, and everything was fine. Like, he was like, yeah, you're good.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

And I was like, really? Really? And so. And my wife was actually mad. She was like, this is that you, like, don't have, like, you live.

[Stavi]

Oh, wow. She wanted a little comeuppance.

[Nick Tarani]

She wanted a little, like, hey, you gotta start, you know?

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Did you lie to your doctor at all?

[Nick Tarani]

No. I, I, I think I told the story of the act, but I, I had. I had, like, that moment. My doctor was like, you know, asking about drinking and, and drugs and stuff. And I don't really drink, like, kind of at all anymore. And it's not really, like a. It's not like I'm sober. I just, I don't have the time. And I got caught in that moment where you were like, I don't look cool to the. Yeah. And then I was like. But I. I mean, I used to. I used to do so much co. Yeah. Like, like, then I was like, what am I saying?

[Big Cat]

You're trying to, like, impress this dude.

[Nick Tarani]

Was trying to not be a nerd.

[Stavi]

In front of my doctor. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome, dude. N Dude, you don't get it. Dude. I was the man. It's all good. It's. I don't do that anymore. See, me in my 20s, I was a animal. You'd be pissed at me.

[Nick Tarani]

When I was younger, you would have hated me. But, yeah, I probably was the first person to ever do that with their doctor.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude.

[Nick Tarani]

I loved cocaine.

[Stavi]

For that's feeling w. Yeah, that's definitely you. Feeling washed. Being like, my youth is so over.

[Big Cat]

Are you sure I'm healthy? I used to do coke all the time.

[Nick Tarani]

Double check that.

[Big Cat]

I swear to God.

[Stavi]

Damn coke and probably cheese curds. I can't even imagine the mushrooms. Love the.

[Nick Tarani]

That I still eat mushrooms every now and then.

[Stavi]

That's beautiful. They're. They're nice. They're therapeutic.

[Nick Tarani]

I'm going back to this fear.

[Stavi]

Yeah, the sphere.

[Nick Tarani]

Got it.

[Stavi]

Looks good to do mushrooms. Yes.

[Nick Tarani]

So much fun.

[Stavi]

God damn, dude. I want. I'm gonna try that shit out. We gotta hit the sphere. Eldest. Yeah, our boys here on. We're on a bit of a time crunch, so why don't we get to our questions because I want these. These luminaries to be able to weigh in because we have a father. We have a. Again, an Albanian who's rightfully.

[Nick Tarani]

Who has a straight dad, who's got.

[Stavi]

A straight dad, who's rightfully thrown his culture in the garbage and decided to just be a kind of regular white guy from West Virginia. He's prouder about West Virginia than Albania.

[Danny]

That's true.

[Big Cat]

That's. When you put it that way.

[Stavi]

In Bethlehem. Not even like, you know, I assume that's the. A shitty small town.

[Big Cat]

Well, I mean. Yeah.

[Stavi]

What's the biggest town?

[Big Cat]

Charleston.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Morgantown's nice.

[Stavi]

Morgantown's nice. Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So anyway, let's see what we got here.

[Danny]

You got to get the cans on.

[Stavi]

To listen to the question.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, yeah. This is where Jacob came in.

[Stavi]

Huge. Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

The guy who. Who set up the cans, he. He went to University of Florida. He tried out for the football team every single year.

[Stavi]

Running back.

[Nick Tarani]

Never played football in his life.

[Stavi]

Awesome.

[Big Cat]

I just found that out.

[Nick Tarani]

Why are you here?

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Every year he.

[Stavi]

He would show up and he was like. He's like, what, five, eight? Yeah, he's like, five eight. 190 pound. Just Florida.

[Big Cat]

I was shooting a sketch that was about HUD tapes, and I asked him for his. He was like, I've never played football. Yeah, but you tried out.

[Nick Tarani]

That's where Emmett Smith played football.

[Stavi]

So did he just get destroyed? Like, did they cut him instantly? Were they like, all right, everybody run to the five yard line and back. And then you're cut. Your cut. Like, how many, like, pasty white guys got cut like that?

[Nick Tarani]

Four years in a row, too? It's crazy. Turn it down. He obviously didn't do this.

[Stavi]

Play it. Play it nice and loud. In. In big cat's ears. And play it regular for the rest of us Eldest.

[Caller 1]

Hey stoppy baby. Hey Elvis. Hey distinguished guests. Hope everyone's doing well. So I got a two part question. I recently got out of a seven year relationship. Well two years ago I got out of a seven year relationship dot Meaningful relationship. I'm back on the dating scene in the trendy ass upstate New York City that you've definitely heard of. But it's small. Okay, so I'm dating. The hinge settings are between 20 and 42. I am 34. I felt like that was a good range. Anything below mid 20s I'm too old for. I feel like. So is that correct? First of all, and the women that I'm dating, I'm really open with them. Like I'm not opposed to a long, like a long term relationship, a meaningful relationship. But really I'm just trying to get my dick wet in the immediacy. And most of them are cool with it when I'm up front about it.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Caller 1]

But then like we'll start hanging out, we'll keep hanging out a few weeks. They get addicted feeling and I haven't like changed my tone about a long term relationship or whatever. Then they get offended that I'm still going on dates. I'm having sex with other chicks.

[Stavi]

So that's just pause this. He sounds like Dan and his doctor dude. And I'm just slaying kind by this.

[Big Cat]

Guy called in forth dude under the under the guise of an issue. And he just like I'm younger women and they're falling in love with me.

[Stavi]

Yeah, too many women are falling in love with me while I'm getting my dick wet left and right. More of my in this really cool upstate New York City. I'm not going to tell you the name of. But you've heard of it, trust me. Go ahead, finish the question.

[Caller 1]

El sended that I'm still going on dates. I'm having sex with other chicks. So is that just like bad form? Should I just be like this guy? Hit it. Should I? I'm 34, so should I just get over it? The two years not being in a relationship was enough to like have my fill and I should just grow up.

[Stavi]

Yeah. And this is a classic brag.

[Caller 1]

Settle down, start settling down. And the last part of my question is this morning I matched with a incredible one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen. She's 30 years old, but her top thing on hinge is that she has to be Albanian for her to date me.

[Stavi]

Set her up with Tarani I was Albanian.

[Caller 1]

And we're going on.

[Stavi]

You told her you were Albanian?

[Big Cat]

This is the only guy who's ever.

[Stavi]

Lied about being Albanian. This better be Elijah Dushku, bro.

[Nick Tarani]

This is perfect.

[Stavi]

This is fucking hysterical. Cool.

[Caller 1]

Is Albanian. And we're going on a date later this week, so should I pull out of there? Because Albanians are insane.

[Stavi]

And. Yeah, the insane person here is her, not you, Lying about your ethnicity.

[Nick Tarani]

This guy.

[Stavi]

This.

[Caller 1]

Yeah, her brothers are gonna string me up by my ankles.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

Or could I just feel it out and charm my way into eventually telling her the truth, that I'm not Albanian?

[Stavi]

This is.

[Caller 1]

Hope you boys are doing well. Please answer this question. Love you, boys.

[Stavi]

Bye. What's the question? Yeah, truly, what is the question? What the fuck, dude? This guy fucking sucks. Lying about being Albanian is cr. Just. Okay. It's funny. That's Albanian, but you can't lie to women to get them to agree to meet you in public. That's a low level sex crime that you're pretty much committing. Just. I mean, it's not a crime, but it's just. You're being a dickhead, misrepresenting who you are. Especially, like, it's. Look, is this woman stupid for being like, I will only date this ethnicity? Yes. But if anyone has a hard line and you lie to get access to them, you're also a piece of shit.

[Nick Tarani]

But I think he's thinking from everything he said that his dick is so sweet.

[Big Cat]

He's got the magic stick as soon as he enters.

[Stavi]

Yeah, she's.

[Big Cat]

She can't quit.

[Nick Tarani]

She'll forget where she's from.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll get dickmatized to a crime crazy degree.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So. Yeah. What is the question? Is a great question, Nick. This guy's just. Should I just. I guess vaguely. The question is, am I a good person and should I settle down?

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Should I stop getting all this pussy I can't stop getting?

[Nick Tarani]

I think the question is, are you guys jealous of me?

[Big Cat]

Yeah. Am I the man?

[Stavi]

Not really, personally. There's something else going on here.

[Big Cat]

Stavros has to know how much pussy I'm getting.

[Nick Tarani]

We. Where did he say he's from? In upstate New York City.

[Danny]

And upstate New York. Probably Woodstock or some. Like, some.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, he's like Hudson Valley.

[Stavi]

That's my guess. Something like that.

[Nick Tarani]

Which again, that'd be funny if this guy is just Syracuse.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's in Albany.

[Big Cat]

Rochester. Taking girls out for garbage. Taking Albanians out for garbage plates.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah. Season six of the Carrier Dome.

[Stavi]

We're thinking Elijah Dushku. We should really be thinking like a migrant farm worker. Yeah. Like a. A that pulls radishes out of. Out of the. You know, like streng unknown. Know some strenona looking. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. What do you want us to say, man? Congratulations on getting. Good job.

[Nick Tarani]

You rock.

[Stavi]

You're okay. Should you cut it off? Should you wean them off your dick before they get too obsessed? Is. Is actually the question he's asking. What should. How should I titrate down on my dick? How do I slowly decrease dosage faster?

[Nick Tarani]

Just give him the tip one last time.

[Stavi]

I mean, I guess you're fine, man. But also. What. I guess it's fine to think, like, what is the point? I definitely thought that at some point.

[Nick Tarani]

What do you mean?

[Stavi]

Of like, of just getting. Just fucking people.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And yeah, man, maybe you have started to get to that point, but you're also realizing, like, it's the friends with benefits thing. Someone gets their feelings hurt, it works for a little bit. You both maybe are on the same page for a week, but either you get your heart broken, somebody gets heartbroken, something bad, something weird happens. That's with these relationships. It's okay to be like upfront the front and be like, hey, I'm dating around, but eventually you probably do want to do something else.

[Nick Tarani]

Well, this is also just an entire question that's like essentially like, yeah, it's awesome being a dude.

[Stavi]

Yes, yes.

[Nick Tarani]

Because like A woman at 34 is right, you know, freaking out.

[Stavi]

Like, do I have. Do I have a.

[Nick Tarani]

You know, am I getting married? Am I having kids? Am I gonna miss that window? And this guy's like, yeah, I'm just gonna keep rolling.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I just keep this going.

[Nick Tarani]

I'll find a 25 year old.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

I don't think he means it though. I think this is dude's hurting.

[Nick Tarani]

You think so deep down.

[Big Cat]

Yeah. From that first relationship.

[Nick Tarani]

It wasn't for help.

[Stavi]

That's a good point. He. The relationship was what, seven years? He said, oh, seven is tough, dude.

[Big Cat]

If you're older than 22 bragging about.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

You. Everyone's got that like one friend who like bragged about for a little too long.

[Stavi]

That's the greatest fear of my life. I have to stop. Like, I just am still trying to a bunch and I just like, I'm like, all right, man, you don't want to be the 40 plus guy.

[Nick Tarani]

Right?

[Stavi]

Just like veneers, hair plugs.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Going to like pulling out your like Crypto portfolio and hoping a 19 year old hostess sees it.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Like, I just don't want to. You don't want to be that pathetic guy because yes, it's at a certain point it's like suiting up as a grown man and playing middle like peewee football. It's like, yes. Oh, you have your. Together as a 36er year old. Where you can convince 24 year olds to you, it's like, yeah, that's fine. Like, okay, how long are you going to do that? That's not impressive. If you need to get it out of, you know, whatever. You want to date for a little bit, eventually you have to move on to the next.

[Nick Tarani]

Go, go, go to all Madden.

[Stavi]

Dude, go to all Madden on rook. Go to all men do. Yes. Date women that you're intimidated by.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, or here's another thing you do. Show up to your ex's house with her new husband, beg her for another chance. You know, that'll, you know, if you do something that destructive, it does restart the whole cycle of healing again. It's kind of like shitty GMs that keep drafting first round pick quarterbacks where they're like, all right, this will just get me a job. This will give me the ability to keep 25 year olds. I'll have the emo, I'll be emotionally stunted. We're keep hitting the lottery. Basically, he's like, instead of. It's maybe it's just time to get a journeyman quarterback and build, build defense in your line.

[Big Cat]

This guy needs Joe Flacco.

[Stavi]

Yeah, let's get Flo in there. Yeah. Stop looking for blue chip players, man. Yeah, he's been. This is a GM that's been in the lottery too long. That's really what it is. All right, man, good luck and don't lie about your ethnicity to get pussy. Also, folks, I'm trying to live a.

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[Stavi]

They were a new sponsor.

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[Stavi]

I'm not kidding you.

[Ad Reader]

This seems fake. This seems like it's a commercial. It's not. You know, I'm Big on protein these days. And, you know, I love desserts. I love these things. They. They. It feels like you're a little kid. They got all these flavors, these little marshmallowy, chewy cereal treats. Treats. They got them in double chocolate. They got them in regular marshmallow chocolate.

[Stavi]

Peanut butter is really good, too.

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[Stavi]

This is awesome.

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[Caller 2]

Yo, stop. First time, long time. So here's the deal. My wife, who I've been married to for two years and some change, now.

[Nick Tarani]

Love her to death.

[Caller 2]

I'm 31. We got a good thing going. We're thinking about buying a house this year. And I don't know. Shit's kind of wild. So maybe not.

[Caller 3]

Maybe we will.

[Caller 2]

But just last week, my wife. I was out of town. Oh, she got caught up in a scam and she. I don't know if the details really matter, but, you know, it was a clever scam, I gotta say. It wasn't, you know, Nigerian prince.

[Stavi]

Okay?

[Caller 2]

They were impersonating as the FBI, blah, blah, blah.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, that sounds.

[Caller 2]

$25,000 out in cash and deposited it into a bitcoin machine, thinking that the FBI.

[Stavi]

The FBI, man, this is a tricky scam. The FBI wanted bitcoin from your wife. Jesus Christ, bro. All right. I mean, that's. It's not tricky. Let's start there. Your wife is dumb. But let's finish up. That's crazy.

[Caller 2]

Crazy that the FBI was like, this was legit and the FBI was asking her to do that to, like, verify her identity or something, right? So, you know, obviously, big Blow. Like, we've talked to the FBI and all this, like, we're trying to figure it out, try to get the money back from the bank, but, you know, like, I've just been totally supportive and, like, hey, you know, you've been a.

[Stavi]

Victim of a crime.

[Caller 2]

It's sucks.

[Stavi]

This is really tough.

[Caller 2]

God, in the back of my head, I'm like, the back.

[Stavi]

The back of your head you're like, why did you take out 25 grand of our money, you dumb. And give it to some guy who said he was in the FBI? That's in the back of your head. Not the only thing you can think of day and night. Did. Did I. Did I marry someone with severe lead paint poisoning? This is crazy, dude.

[Caller 2]

You put $25,000 cash in a fucking bitcoin machine thinking that this was legit.

[Big Cat]

What's a bitcoin machine?

[Nick Tarani]

I don't even.

[Stavi]

ATM or something?

[Danny]

I'm assuming he means a bitcoin atm.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Crazy.

[Caller 2]

I can't. I don't mean especially right now, but, like, two months down the line, like, do you think I should give. Talk about. Hey, let's think about, I don't know, street smarts or critical thinking or some like that. But anyways, I guess my question is I'm just caught up, trying to be like, do I give her advice on how to be more street smart, or do I just have to, like, support her and, like, let this go and just chalk this up as L. Anyways, love you. Bye.

[Stavi]

I mean, this is devastating. Imagine, Mary, like, how could you think of anything else? Like, you're surprised.

[Big Cat]

You said he may talk to her about it in two months.

[Nick Tarani]

How. How. How nice are we to the.

[Stavi]

No, no, please, please.

[Nick Tarani]

Okay. Well, all right. So the first thing comes to my mind is she's cheating on you.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean, exactly.

[Nick Tarani]

If you want to believe that this is real, you have to get divorced.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Because I would never get over that. And if, like, there's just no way that your wife would take out $25,000 cash and not talk to you first.

[Stavi]

Of course. For anything. 25 grand.

[Nick Tarani]

That's.

[Stavi]

Any decision that big is like. And if she's not cheating on you, and if she is the kind of person that would do that, you got a divorce. And also, by the way, how much of a pushover is this guy if the type of woman that got tricked by people is gaslighting him? This lady got tricked by some guy on the phone to give 25 grand, and he's like, am I being Crazy.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, she's dominating you, bro. Yeah. You're getting got by the lady who got got by these guys.

[Nick Tarani]

She's scamming you.

[Stavi]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Nick Tarani]

This might be an inside job.

[Stavi]

This is brutal.

[Nick Tarani]

It feels like it.

[Stavi]

I kind of agree with you, too. Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Because if this can't be her first stupid mistake, if that's true, she a ditch.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah. No, see, I'm reversing this whole thing. You're the. You married Kaiser Soza, and now you're like, she. She literally is talking to her, like, cohorts, being like, yeah, my husband bought it. He's gonna, like, the worst that could happen. He's gonna call into Stavi's world and ask for advice. And they're all sitting in a lair being like, we got him.

[Big Cat]

Do I teach her to be more street smart, or do I just be there for her? There's, like, other options.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, they're like, her. Her, like, co criminals are basically like, are you sure there's gonna work? Works like it's not a problem. Like, he's gonna pat me on the head and be like, hey, honey, we need street smarts.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

And we're gonna get this 25 grand. We're gonna do whatever we want with it.

[Stavi]

Ah, man, this is.

[Nick Tarani]

He got scammed.

[Stavi]

Yeah. This. You got scammed just by marrying a person who's capable of this.

[Nick Tarani]

But again, I think she's a genius. Yeah, I think she's the genius. He's the idiot.

[Stavi]

That's very much in play. That's the thing that's crazy about this. There's five insane scenarios in play here, and I would never be able to stop running through.

[Nick Tarani]

And I don't believe. I don't. The only one I don't believe is what he told us. The face value of this, I do not believe whatsoever.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, I know. That is tough. It's tough to take it at face value. And it just like. But clearly, this guy is not allowing himself to really think through this, right? Like, could.

[Nick Tarani]

Could it be, like, 2500 in cash and you mistyped? Because, like, then it's like, all right, 2500. Okay.

[Stavi]

Definitely. You can get over it.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, it's like, that's.

[Stavi]

That's 25 grand.

[Nick Tarani]

That's crazy. Crazy.

[Stavi]

When you say believing it was the FBI is the crazy where.

[Nick Tarani]

I think she's the. She's a mastermind.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I know. That's how stupid this is, that Dan's theory is equally as plausible.

[Nick Tarani]

I need to know more details because I'm pretty Sure. She scammed you, bro.

[Stavi]

There's something. I do honestly feel like we are missing something with their relationship.

[Nick Tarani]

Like, she's got. She got. She's not from America, and she got her green card when we got married. Something's happened.

[Stavi]

We are missing. We are missing. Missing something. Or. Or he just doesn't want to talk about. He doesn't just want to say, like, I'm the person I love is really fucking stupid.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, that's also. Like, that's the only possible explanation. Because the way he's talking about it is like. Like he's. It's finally dawned on him that he married someone with, like, a learning disability. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he's talking about, do I just be there for her? He's basically like, all right, her legs are never gonna work again. Again. I'm gonna get. I'm gonna get a. I'm gonna build a ramp. I'm gonna get one of those chair. Like, he's talking about, like, changing his life, right? Because he loves her and she's so stupid. He has to, like, be around, like, a car accident.

[Nick Tarani]

You're not buying a house with her. You're putting her in a home. Yeah, like, this is. This is assisted living.

[Stavi]

He needs a nurse.

[Nick Tarani]

Like, Rose Kennedy.

[Stavi]

Like, we're putting her. Dude, I need to. You're right. I really need to know. No more. I need to know, like, who is this woman? How did I want to know your whole story? Because something is not fitting here.

[Nick Tarani]

Nothing fits.

[Stavi]

He might have to call into a live show.

[Big Cat]

It was more believable than a Nigerian prince needs Bitcoin.

[Stavi]

The FBI needs 25 grand in Bitcoin to verify her identity. What? The FBI can't figure out who you are? They're the fucking. They investigate. Investigation. They can't figure out a lady's identity without $25,000 of her money. The fuck are you talking about, man? If your wife really is this stupid, you have to. You have to either put her a conservatorship or get divorced, man, or you're getting cucked in an insane way. Something up is afoot here.

[Big Cat]

I don't even get what the 25 grand would be for cheating.

[Stavi]

I know. I'm just saying, like, I think it's.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, I think she's scamming.

[Stavi]

But is she, you know, the like, for. They did. How well do you know her? Is it a green card marriage? Is it, like, a random lady who has. Is this casino?

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

What happened? You know, like, is this.

[Nick Tarani]

You know what Maybe she was taking my gambling pics.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah, that might be it. That's the mo. That is it. She's down bad. She's listening to Big Cat.

[Nick Tarani]

She saw my 16 and oh streak. It was like I found the way to buy her house. Hopped on at number 17.

[Big Cat]

Lost everything my Albanian grandpa got rid of. Ripped off.

[Stavi]

Oh, what do. What happened there?

[Big Cat]

Acre lot, New Mexico. Utopian development.

[Nick Tarani]

That's.

[Stavi]

And it was just sand.

[Big Cat]

It's just sand. It's off the power grid and he's dead. And I pay 16 a year of property tax.

[Nick Tarani]

A very. Like my. I remember my grandfather before he died. Like, he would. He would fill out all the, like, public publishing clearinghouse, all that.

[Big Cat]

Oh, yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

He gets scammed like every week.

[Stavi]

Yes. Yes. That's awesome. Yeah, I love, love that. Buying an acre in New Mexico is awesome.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, I gotta go visit.

[Stavi]

We should put a little pueblo up there.

[Big Cat]

I don't think there's a road. It is just. They probably did bomb tests.

[Stavi]

That's beautiful. But yeah, this. This is fucking nuts. Like, this. Really. The. The only explanation is that is yes. If she's getting cheated on, it's like Casino. Where James Woods. James Wood. If she. Does she have a James woods to her? Sharon Stone Casino. Is there like some dirt bag that she just like, I need the money, babe. You know what I mean? Like, that's. I need. There's something. And if. And by the way, the fact that we spit out this many theories and if it is somehow true that she did get scammed, that tells you how stupid this lady is.

[Nick Tarani]

I did a bad job. I should have prepped you stuff. Nick's never seen a movie.

[Big Cat]

Oh, no, no. That's not true at all.

[Stavi]

Casino, dude.

[Nick Tarani]

So we can't. Movie references.

[Stavi]

What's your favorite movie?

[Nick Tarani]

He's never seen one.

[Stavi]

There's not one. No, this is.

[Big Cat]

This is bit I used to do that would piss him off. When I first started judo flipped it.

[Stavi]

Judo flipping. They just.

[Nick Tarani]

It would drive me insane. Every time we talk about a movie, they'd be like, you've never seen a movie.

[Big Cat]

You can't talk about this.

[Nick Tarani]

I got so mad.

[Stavi]

We just watched Rush. We. Yesterday we watched Rush Hour 2, then Rush Hour 1, in that order. We started while we threw on Rush Hour 2 and then it just auto, you know this. It auto played Rush Hour and that's why it was an hour late to your podcast.

[Big Cat]

That's ironic that it was Rush Hour. Like, I'm late.

[Nick Tarani]

No, the literal text was like, he was like six o' clock works. And then at like 4:50 he was like, hey, can we do seven? I just got high and Rush Hour came on. I'm like, yeah, dude, that makes sense. It's like, yeah, that's, that's an emergency.

[Stavi]

It was 4:20 Easter, man. It felt right. I had to go for it. It.

[Nick Tarani]

That's kind of rock though, that. That's literally what an emergency is for you. Rush Hour came on tbs.

[Stavi]

Sorry, I can't do the biggest sports podcast in America. I have to watch Russia in reverse order. Stop.

[Nick Tarani]

He's walking around with a beeper and he gets beat. It's eldest being like, hey dude, Rush Hour just came out again. I gotta go.

[Stavi]

Oh, dude, I gotta go. I gotta go.

[Big Cat]

Being like a medical beeper for Rush Hour.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Danny]

We were also talking, talking about Rush Hour for like six hours last night.

[Stavi]

We were talking about how good they were. There's. It was like our Kush Str Ex extravaganza. Like our Kush special. And we were like, oh, this is gonna be awesome. It's gonna be so funny. It's. I guarantee you it's not funny at all. We talk like, like coldly, logically about.

[Big Cat]

Rush Hour for an hour comprehensive break.

[Stavi]

And then we just like really give horrific advice.

[Nick Tarani]

I love that.

[Stavi]

And then it was us being. It was the meanest I've ever, ever been to people because I was just pissed off because I wanted to eat leftover lamb and I was like, fuck, I have to do a half hour more of these calls. So I just took it out on every caller. Check out Kush Brothers. It actually is probably gonna air right after this, I think on the schedule. Eldis.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Stavi]

So this is a little tease. All right, what else we got? ELD folks, many people think of me.

[Ad Reader]

Comedian, but more than anything, I'm a small business owner and I know getting.

[Stavi]

Started on your small business, well, that.

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[Stavi]

Your $1 per month trial and start.

[Ad Reader]

Selling today at shopify.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi.

[Caller 4]

Shopify.Comstavi based off eldest esteemed guest. I'm 19. I'm a sophomore in college. One of my best friends I've known since second grade. He's my next, like, basically a next door neighbor. He's 20, sophomore in college. Like, he gives me a call yesterday saying that he got his girlfriend pregnant. His girlfriend's 21 years old now. I asked him, like, how, like, oh, if this is what you want, then great. This is great.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Caller 4]

And for you, this is what you want. Awesome. How do I tell him that this is not great?

[Stavi]

Seriously, you had a chance.

[Caller 4]

Now I know it's. It's not his decision. It's. It's the girl's decision. He's a part of it, telling me that he's okay with her decision, but.

[Stavi]

Oh, she wants to.

[Caller 4]

He has a 1. He has a single dorm.

[Stavi]

I would.

[Caller 4]

She just lives in his dorm all the time. So he sees her all the time. And like, they'll have like, little arguments here and there. And I tell them, like, well, you guys see each other more than like a married couple would. But how. I just, I need. I need advice. How do I tell him that I think this is bad and I think his life will be magnitudes better if they decide not to keep this baby? Thank you so much. Love the show. Have a good day.

[Stavi]

Yeah, you're toast, bro. He got a. Like, okay. Clearly they should not keep the baby.

[Nick Tarani]

I mean, obviously conversation to have though, telling your boy, like.

[Stavi]

Well, that's what I'm saying. Of course, like the. You shouldn't do it. But it's also like, this ain't. He's just. The way you should do is not get a girl pregnant. You know what I mean? Because.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, but first mistake.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

He shouldn't say anything.

[Stavi]

This guy.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Definitely not.

[Nick Tarani]

Dude.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

If you try to like, do a PowerPoint presentation on why your buddy should get an abortion and he has the kid.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

And then you're like the Godfather and the kids. 15.

[Stavi]

I actually love that. I would love to see the PowerPoint why I shouldn't have been alive. And you know what? I would do that. He was right. Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Crazy premise. Like, think about. Don't think about right now. Think about 20 years from now when this kid's a full grown adult and you have to look him in the face. Be like, I actually tried to convince you to not be alive.

[Big Cat]

You should go behind your boy's back and talk to her directly.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Do you mean, like, push her down 25 grand?

[Stavi]

Offer a lump sum? A big. Yeah, get some bitcoin.

[Nick Tarani]

Can I say a spin zone for this guy, though? For. For his buddy. Look, obviously not ideal 21 having a kid, but, like, younger.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Nick Tarani]

I, like, I were like, I had my first kid when I was 34, and I wish I had. Yeah, them like, 10 years I wouldn't have worked out because of bars and like, everything in my career. But. But, like, I think about that. I do the math in my head where I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna be 60. When they're, you know, in their 20s. Like, I wish I was 50, a little younger. Yeah, no, that.

[Stavi]

I think that is a very powerful spin zone because I kind of think the same thing where I'm like, I don't even know if I want kids. I'm 36 right now. I think I'd like to be a uncle. Mode's great, but it's even like, you see people who are like in their late 40s and they just have. They're friends with their kids. Their kids are 20. You know what I mean? Like, that's. I do. I am jealous of that.

[Nick Tarani]

Correct.

[Stavi]

And by the way, for this guy, you have no say in this. Zero.

[Nick Tarani]

Don't even try.

[Big Cat]

And this is a dude that's afraid of losing his best friend.

[Stavi]

And it's going to happen. That's the thing.

[Nick Tarani]

This was going to happen now, it's going to happen later.

[Stavi]

Exactly. This is going to happen one way or the other. And this is traumatic for him. He's just seeing, like, he is feeling. He's asked to deal with stuff that you don't deal with till you're like 25.

[Nick Tarani]

Right.

[Stavi]

Usually you lose your friends to their girlfriends or their families at TW in their mid-20s. You know, I was pissed. I'm obviously the most Peter Pan ass motherfucker of all my friends. Friends. And even my friends were in good relationships. I'd be like, I don't think this is going to work. You know, like, part of me would be like, you should probably break up. We should all like, live. Live in a three bedroom together forever. Right, guys? Like, this is so much more fun.

[Big Cat]

Than trying to talk my buddies out of their relationships because something tiny happens.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such a bad idea, and it's pathetic and it's childish behavior. And when I freed myself of it, I felt better. Not now. This goes hand in hand with the fact that he's seeing his buddy. Just his buddy's life is gonna take a much different turn. But, hey, this is life. Also, you have no say in it. He barely. He ultimately, push comes to shove, he doesn't even really have a say in it. It's not his body. And so it's like. And unfortunately, it seems like they're. Neither one of them is thinking clearly, because the first time you're, like, in a college relationship, and you think, I thought I loved my college girl. I thought we'd be together. You know what I mean? You're like. Even though you know better emotionally, which is the part that makes decisions like this. This girl is like, well, it wasn't perfect, but it's gonna be a perfect little story for the beginning of our family. She's not realizing they are. If they get married, they're getting divorced. It's just not working out.

[Nick Tarani]

Sure.

[Stavi]

But for right now, dude, there's no way this isn't happening.

[Nick Tarani]

No.

[Stavi]

If they're in that kind of. I live in your dorm constantly. Relationship, relationship. All those relationships, they think they could handle anything, right? They think it's me and you against the world. They don't realize it's just, like your pheromones. The first time you've actually liked someone.

[Nick Tarani]

And you're not in the real world.

[Stavi]

And you're not in the real world at all. So, yeah, dude, mourn the loss of your friend. His youth is over. Life as he knew it is over.

[Nick Tarani]

Don't say shit.

[Big Cat]

You're not allowed to have an opinion.

[Stavi]

All you can do is be supportive anyway, that's it. And when he has a kid, be fun, be around. But the way you'll. This is bad for his life. You kind of get to score points. You're like a young guy with a baby in his life that, like, girls will like that.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, that's true.

[Stavi]

You get to have a baby that's like, your baby's an uncle. Like, he's an unofficial uncle. That's a nice position to be. Babies are fun, dude. I love when my friends have kids because I pop in, I play with them, I see them. I hang out for 90 minutes. And then as soon as they're annoying, I'm like, all right. Well, you might see, not my issue. I've never bathed. I've never had to do a bath. I've never had to make a kid put his shoes on. I've never had to fucking get him to bed. I just fucking toss him In a couch until he laughs, you know, like, while they're laughing. Yeah, that's a fun guy to be in a baby's life. So this is good for you. You can't change it. Accept it. This is a good lesson for you that life is nothing but disappointment and misery. And how you roll with it is what makes. And so this. You're dealing with a huge one.

[Big Cat]

1.

[Stavi]

You're just gonna have to deal with it, brother.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, just. Just let it be.

[Stavi]

Just let it ride. All right, Big Eld, what else we got? We'll do 10 more minutes, get you guys ready for the yak.

[Caller 3]

What about this big dog? And a humble guest. A humble, beautiful guest. So I have an issue here. I'm 22 years old and I have a girlfriend and I love her and it's wonderful. My issue has arisen recently when my dad, who recently lost a lot of weight so used to be a bigger guy, now he's not big so much and he made a bit of a fat phobic joke.

[Stavi]

Oh, wow. That first.

[Nick Tarani]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Who the does this guy think he is?

[Nick Tarani]

That's.

[Stavi]

We had this conversation yesterday on your show.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, like the fat guy who gets skinny who then like rips off his shirt all the time is a piece of.

[Stavi]

You're a piece of. You're fat. You are. You will die. His dad in particular. You're a dad who got skinny. You've been fat most of your life, man. Don't forget where you came from.

[Big Cat]

And when very fat people lose a ton of weight, you still somehow see the phantom body that exists around it. It's like a skull shaped thing.

[Stavi]

Maybe it's not going to look. Whatever is going on with Z, he doesn't look good. But anyway, let's hear. Let's hear a little more context. But let me just say, I just want to get on the record that.

[Caller 3]

Guy for that fat phobic joke. At a recent sporting event that my girlfriend and I were attending. And my girlfriend is a little bigger and respect, so that really offended her. And recently we were talking and she was explaining to me how, like, she just really can't be comfortable around my dad anymore. And so I am starting to have an oak. I mean, we're in the area again. We kind of moved back to this area that my parents are at and I'm starting to hang out with them a lot more. And I like that. And I. But at the same time, I don't want her to have to be uncomfortable every time that we're around them. And I would really just like them to talk about it.

[Stavi]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Caller 3]

He really doesn't want to.

[Stavi]

Yeah. What the.

[Caller 3]

And so I don't know. And I don't. She said I don't. She doesn't want me telling him what he said made her uncomfortable. So I just don't really know where to go from here. And I'm hoping that maybe you can help me me out.

[Nick Tarani]

Thanks.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean, it's. This is hilarious because I mean, again, definitely his dad, especially making a fat joke. And, and your, your son's girlfriend is a little chubby. It's like, that's just rude. Or maybe big as hell. Who know? We don't know. Could be.

[Nick Tarani]

We don't know how funny the joke was.

[Big Cat]

It could have been. So was at a sporting event sometimes.

[Nick Tarani]

Times I've made very inappropriate jokes. Sure. Like I had to get it off.

[Stavi]

I had to get that off because.

[Nick Tarani]

I knew it was going to be fun.

[Stavi]

You're right. What I would like to know what it was. Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Cuz like, that's all I could think about is like how good was it all based on the joke.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

If it was a really funny joke, then you got to tell your girlfriend to suck it up also.

[Stavi]

And then look, there is an element of suck it up here because like the most, the most famously detestable, like archetype in like American culture is like the annoying in law. You know what I mean? Like nobody, half of people, the biggest problem with their partner is their annoying mom or dad. You know what I mean? And so it's like, you know, also, I hate to say, I hate to break it to this guy, but then he says he's 22, eldest.

[Big Cat]

Yeah, he did.

[Stavi]

You know, like you, like, you have to, you're basically like, do I pick between my parents or my girlfriend at 22?

[Big Cat]

You can't burn a bridge with your parents at 22.

[Nick Tarani]

Do I pick between, between my girlfriend and my. Hilarious.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Is he hilarious or is he a fat. A formerly fat. Try hard. Yeah, because that's the thing.

[Nick Tarani]

Like, it's a huge. Like this is all based on the.

[Stavi]

Joke that it really matters a lot. And so we'll give you, we'll give you advice if it's a good joke or if it's a bad joke. If it's a good joke, she kind of has to suck it up. Like, you know, is he a. Is he a good guy otherwise? Is he kind of. It's like, is this his one? And also, by the way, even if it's A bad joke and he just kind of blew it. Nobody should have that short a leash, you know what I mean? Like, you also have to understand, dads are famous for putting their foot in their mouth. And she's. Is she a little too tattlet? Like, is she. Or did it just hurt her feelings? And was it at her expense? Was like, we do really need to know a lot about this joke. If it's just about some fat guy, like, they're in a sporting event and he calls some, like, player of fat. Yeah, who cares, right? But if he makes something that's kind of a van failed, if it's more about how it's a personal attack towards her, then I think she has a much greater right to stand on.

[Nick Tarani]

You also could just flip it and just explain to your girlfriend that your dad made that joke because he's ultimately, like, not in love with himself. And very interesting. Make him a sympathetic figure that way. Be like he. He is. He needs a lot of therapy. He's emotionally stunted.

[Stavi]

Which is all probably very true.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah. All almost 100. True. And just do that.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Dudes that lose weight get cocky quick.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

Oh, I sympathize with the bigger girl. Because I think the hierarchy of easy to hard life is hot girl, hot guy, ugly dude, ugly chick at the bottom.

[Stavi]

Without question. We also need to know hot girl, hot girls. High risk, high reward.

[Nick Tarani]

Right?

[Big Cat]

For their life.

[Stavi]

Bad stuff happening to you if you're too hot. You know what I mean? Like, so it is like, I think hot guy might actually be the best. I would rather be a hot guy.

[Big Cat]

Very hot guy.

[Nick Tarani]

Tall guy.

[Stavi]

Tall guy.

[Nick Tarani]

Like, because you don't even have to.

[Ad Reader]

Guy is just.

[Stavi]

Let's be honest, Guy is just the top. That's our society.

[Big Cat]

These hot girls are getting jobs where that's once a month. They stand in front of like those inflatable number balloons.

[Stavi]

Some not chill stuff is also happening.

[Big Cat]

That's fair.

[Stavi]

You know what they got a 50, 50 chance of? So you think the guy who gave her that job, locking her in a basement. You know what I mean?

[Nick Tarani]

Like 6, 61 and above guy.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Hot ch.

[Stavi]

Chick. Okay.

[Nick Tarani]

Like 5' 11 to 61. Guy, ugly chick. 5' 9 and below.

[Stavi]

No, no, no.

[Big Cat]

Ugly, ugly chick is the bottom.

[Stavi]

I see what you're doing here. I'm not taking the bait. Nice try. You Eldis, how tall are you?

[Danny]

Six' five.

[Stavi]

Big boy.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, you are, bro.

[Stavi]

Albanian.

[Big Cat]

Blood strong Albanian.

[Stavi]

We've had many discussions. Elders would crumble in my body if we did a freaky Friday body switch. He would not be able to handle it.

[Nick Tarani]

You can't live a second in my body.

[Big Cat]

None of us would last a second as an ugly girl.

[Stavi]

No, I think I could figure something out.

[Nick Tarani]

We also need to know how chubby she is, right, cuz, like, is she just like a little chubby where it's like, hey, you're not even that fat. Or it's like, are we talking like.

[Big Cat]

Like a head Turner?

[Nick Tarani]

Like D1 softball catcher?

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe my man likes that kind of thing. A little Freudian maybe He wanted to his dad growing up, so now he's got a big girl.

[Big Cat]

That's this whole thing he wants to.

[Nick Tarani]

His dad just flip it all.

[Stavi]

His dad's skinny now. He doesn't find his dad fuckable anymore after he lost all the weight.

[Big Cat]

I gotta burn this bridge with my dad.

[Stavi]

So. I mean, the other thing though is like we're dealing with recently not fat middle aged guy, an insufferable type of guy.

[Nick Tarani]

A terrible, terrible person.

[Stavi]

But we're also dealing with early 20s, maybe also insecure girl who like can be. Can kind of again, can be kind of t. These types of, you know, just painting with a broad brush can get kind of in the tattletale zone. So is her. Is his dad, like, how problematic really, is your dad. Is your girlfriend somewhere on the slider of my dad's a complete dickhead and my girlfriend's a dumb bitch. I think we're closer to dad as the dickhead. Yeah, yeah, but like how close are we?

[Nick Tarani]

Right?

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Like, are you giving your. Are you cutting your girlfriend too much slack? What was the joke? How offensive towards her particular was it? There's probably a little. There's probably, probably, it's. I'm probably blaming the dad here, but also there's probably a healthy sprinkling of girlfriend needs to suck it up.

[Nick Tarani]

Right.

[Stavi]

But we just need a little more con. The how funny is the joke is such an important big. It's so important. Yeah. So yeah, dude, good luck. I also waited.

[Big Cat]

It's like your girlfriend out there.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you should go play left tackle, Sally. Oh, the center went down, suited up. Sal. I'm sure they have an extra helmet for you. You know, if it was that, she's got a point. Also the other thing is, dude, you're 22. You can kind of wait this out.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean?

[Danny]

Like I. I remember in my early 20s, like when I was dating a girl and like, you know, she Would just come at me with some. About something about my parents maybe, or bitching about my friends.

[Stavi]

And it was like, oh, yeah, which friends, I wonder?

[Danny]

And it was kind of like, like.

[Nick Tarani]

What do you think this is?

[Stavi]

Like, what is the long game here?

[Danny]

Like, you know, you think I'm really going to file this in the consideration bank? Like, of course, this probably isn't lasting another eight months if we're being real with ourselves.

[Stavi]

Well, that's the other thing. It's like, dude, don't exactly. For a relationship to make you rethink your. Your family or best friends, that's your. You gotta be like five years deep for those conversations to even start.

[Big Cat]

Right?

[Stavi]

You got to wait this out. Will this become an issue? Probably it solves itself. Yes. Either your dad dies or. Or she. Or you break up, he gets fat again, something's going to happen. Something you get.

[Nick Tarani]

Your girlfriend gets skinnier than your girlfriend gets skinny.

[Stavi]

You get fat, Right? Yeah. Now you're mad at your dad. You know what I mean? There's a lot of stuff, a lot of potential, a lot of game left. A lot of game left. Yeah. You're worried about. Yeah. Save your timeouts, brother.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

All right. You want something quick to go out on here, Eldis?

[Danny]

Yeah, I got. I have some UNs solicited medical advice for you.

[Stavi]

Oh, okay.

[Caller 2]

Bobby, I'm listening to your newest episode.

[Caller 3]

And you're talking about your fucked up discs in your back. I'm not calling with a question. I'm sorry. I'm just gonna tell you. I'm a fat guy myself.

[Caller 2]

I have the same issue.

[Caller 3]

I went to a bunch of different specialists, finally found a guy who practiced the McKenzie method. It's just basically a pretty simple stretch that you do you a whole bunch of times. And after doing that for like four months, it. It fixed me and I was like, barely walking.

[Nick Tarani]

He's right.

[Stavi]

The McKenzie method.

[Nick Tarani]

I don't know if the McKenzie method. Just some stretches, but I. I had the same thing. I've thrown out my back twice and it's. I have like a bulging disc. All you can do is stretch.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Like everyone tries to do, oh, acupuncture and, you know, chiropractor and all this. It's like, dude, you threw out your back because you have a fat core? I'm not exactly.

[Stavi]

I'm saying I'm carrying way too much weight. It's weighing it down.

[Nick Tarani]

I have a fat core and no strength in my ab muscles. And that's why your back is basically being like, please stop, help Me? I'm carrying everything here, bro.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I've been pregnant my whole life. I've essentially been pregnant my whole life.

[Nick Tarani]

You went to physical therapy for. For two months. I bet she'd be fine.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Big Cat]

What about like an inversion table? Have you ever tried that?

[Nick Tarani]

See that's the junk science.

[Big Cat]

I think that would feel so good though.

[Nick Tarani]

I tried it all and then they're like oh, you actually just have to put in a little bit of work.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Nick Tarani]

To. To get a gain a little bit of flexibility.

[Stavi]

What kind of stretches out? Pull some up. Mackenzie method.

[Nick Tarani]

There's a Superman stretch.

[Stavi]

I like a Superman. I'll do a super.

[Nick Tarani]

You just lay on your belly and you just stretch. Yeah, that one.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Okay.

[Nick Tarani]

There's the one where you like kind of hump air.

[Stavi]

I love to hump air. Yeah, I actually. Yeah, that's.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, that's it right there.

[Stavi]

I do a lot of these already actually to warm up. So.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, you just got to do all those and you'll be better. You've thrown it out.

[Stavi]

I've thrown it out a couple times. The worst. It sucks.

[Nick Tarani]

I. I threw it out so bad. I. I couldn't like get off my floor for two days.

[Stavi]

Yeah, dude. I. I just have to lay down horizontal for a day and that usually fix it. But that's. I, you know, knock on like I just got so. I was so worried about the bed like. And if I sleep on a bad bed I'm. Or if I'm on a weird couch and so these Airbnb beds will me. That's. And I got so lucky the bus. The doesn't hurt my back or else I would have been so. So yeah, I mean I just have to be much less fat. I'm trying to. I'm working on getting this stomach taken care of just to the back. The fact that I can just not be in pain.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And if you throw it at it's like.

[Nick Tarani]

No, it's nothing. Ruins everything.

[Stavi]

It's debilitating.

[Nick Tarani]

It's.

[Stavi]

And it's pathetic. You just feel like, oh, I'm useless.

[Nick Tarani]

Last time I threw my back out. But it's been thankfully like maybe eight years. I was just laying on my living room floor telling my wife to just shoot me.

[Stavi]

Yeah, exactly.

[Nick Tarani]

I could own a gun.

[Stavi]

It's like someone could come in here and my ass and there's nothing I can do. Like I am.

[Big Cat]

I'm so vulnerable.

[Stavi]

I'm so completely helpless. It sucks.

[Nick Tarani]

I was pissing in Gatorade bottles cuz I couldn't get to the bathroom.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Big Cat]

You have that. That. I just. I'm on the kidney stone wave.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah.

[Big Cat]

I passed one at Bird's Nest.

[Nick Tarani]

Oh, wow.

[Stavi]

The Bird's Nest.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Damn. You hear clink in the urinal, Dude.

[Big Cat]

I saw it come out, like, you know, in, like, an anaconda when it ate Owen Wilson. It was just like that. I'm not comparing my penis to an anaconda.

[Stavi]

Right, right. It was a very small pebble, but even that stretched your dick out. It was. It was a. It was not. It was a, you know, millimeter, but you can see it.

[Big Cat]

Yeah.

[Nick Tarani]

Elvis, you got kidney stones.

[Stavi]

Oh, really? We got eldest, too.

[Danny]

I had a kidney. A bad moment. I lived with Stav, and I was just like, oh, hilarious.

[Stavi]

Powered off the stage.

[Nick Tarani]

Reminder to hit record.

[Stavi]

Yeah, the GoPro. His camera stopped the second he started talking. His own phone.

[Big Cat]

The technology's advanced. I don't want to hear about this guy's bladder.

[Stavi]

All right, whatever. You. I'll just tell. You know what? Our next guest. Our guest next week has some kidney stone issues as well.

[Nick Tarani]

Yeah, PFTI are linked up. So we have, like, kidney stone. We've had. Both had kidney.

[Stavi]

Kidney stones.

[Nick Tarani]

And it's literally like, I'll have it, and then he'll have. It's like chicks with their periods.

[Stavi]

Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. Hilarious. So we'll save your kidney stone anecdotes, fellas. Thank you so much for anything you want. I'm obviously, you know, anus, pmt, the yak. Anything else you guys want to plug? No, thanks. Hell, yeah. Thanks for coming, boys, and we will talk to you guys next time. Bye. Bye, Sam.