#132 - Joe List

Summary

Podcast Summary: Stavvy's World - Episode #132 with Joe List
Release Date: June 9, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode #132 of Stavvy's World, host Stavros Halkias welcomes comedian Joe List for one of their favorite recurring segments. The episode delves into a blend of personal anecdotes, comedic banter, and listener interactions, all delivered with Stavros and Joe's signature humor and candidness.

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Main Discussion with Joe List

The episode kicks off with Stavros and Joe engaging in their trademark playful insults and camaraderie. They reminisce about Joe being one of their favorite shows to host, with Stavros admitting, "That number one favorite podcast to do... It makes me feel good" (01:21), highlighting the duo's strong rapport.

Joe's Take on Joe Rogan and Podcasting: Joe List launches into a critique of podcasting, specifically mentioning Joe Rogan. He humorously laments the pitfalls of long-form conversations, remarking, "You do three hours and there's like an hour and a half, which is what a podcast should be" (01:55). This segues into a lighthearted discussion about the challenges of staying focused during long podcast sessions, with both comedians poking fun at their tendencies to get distracted.

Comedic Insights on Relationships and Personal Life: The conversation shifts to personal stories, including Joe's experience of raising his son solo while Stavros shares memories of a family gathering filled with excessive pizza consumption and humorous interactions with friends. At 04:34, Stavros mentions, "We don't have it in us. I don't think me and Eldest could that be so funny if we had to tag team someone," showcasing their comedic take on friendships and interactions.

Squirting and Sexual Humor: A significant portion of the episode delves into risqué humor surrounding the topic of squirting. Stavros shares his thoughts, "I think it has a little. Some extra. Thank you. You know what I mean?" (02:33), leading to an open and humorous discussion about sexual experiences and preferences. The candid dialogue continues as they explore various sexual fantasies and misconceptions, maintaining their comedic momentum throughout.

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Listener Calls and Interactive Segments

Navigating Friendships and Personal Boundaries: Listeners call in with personal dilemmas, prompting Stavros and Joe to offer advice with their characteristic humor. One notable call involves a listener grappling with including a heavily alcoholic friend as a groomsman. Joe empathizes, drawing from a similar personal experience: "That's gonna do it for us, folks... [he] has to figure [his friend's] out," (05:07). Stavros adds, "You can't have him ruining my wedding," (13:30), emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries for personal well-being.

Comfort in Personal Spaces: Another listener shares discomfort with having security cameras in his shared living space, particularly affecting his romantic relationship. Stavros advises, "You just do something if you don't want to, man," (72:34), encouraging the caller to prioritize personal comfort over external pressures. The advice reinforces the show's theme of solving real-life problems with a blend of sincerity and humor.

AI and Academic Integrity: A Gen Z listener seeks advice on using AI to complete lengthy academic papers without facing plagiarism consequences. Stavros takes a firm stance, stating, "College for a lot of people is stupid... It's become an insurmountable thing," (78:20), criticizing reliance on AI for academic tasks. Joe supports this view, likening it to using steroids in sports: "It's like, if everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do it, young lady?" (84:19). Their consensus highlights concerns about the ethical implications of AI in education.

Sexual Performance Concerns: A caller expresses anxiety over his partner's prolonged sexual performance, lasting anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour. Stavros humorously suggests solutions while addressing potential medical issues: "Are you taking dick pills? Is he taking antidepressants?" (95:10). This segment underscores the show's ability to handle sensitive topics with levity and practical advice.

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Technology, AI, and Future Concerns

Impact of AI on Creativity and Employment: A substantial part of the episode features a discussion on the growing influence of AI. Stavros critiques the homogenization of creative works: "It's taken me out... it's like, you know, it's the feeling to me. We're just getting a computer to plagiarize for you," (22:04). Joe counters with a historical perspective, comparing AI skepticism to early digital camera resistance: "It's like when people in the '90s said you can't shoot a film on a digital camera," (22:12). Together, they explore the dichotomy of AI's potential benefits versus its risks, particularly regarding job displacement and the loss of genuine creativity.

Future Predictions: The comedians speculate on a future dominated by AI, envisioning scenarios ranging from AI solving major global issues to the potential rise of AI overlords: "Eldest welcomes our AI overlords," (21:26). Stavros remains skeptical, emphasizing the current limitations and ethical concerns: "Everything I think of with machines is like... it's so easy to say we're in Skynet," (48:54). This dialogue reflects broader societal debates about AI's role and its long-term implications.

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Personal Stories and Comedic Relief

Reconnecting with Exes: Joe shares an amusing and awkward encounter with his ex-girlfriend during a yoga class: "I started shaking. I was like, what the," (35:48). The story culminates in Joe witnessing his sober friend engaging in unexpected behavior at the wedding, blending personal narrative with humorous exaggeration.

Childhood Memories and Nostalgia: Stavros reminisces about his childhood Christmas experience with his brothers and a beloved GameCube: "It was like truly the best eight days of my childhood," (30:55). These nostalgic tales provide a heartfelt counterbalance to the comedic and often irreverent discussions, adding depth to the episode.

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Conclusion

Episode #132 of Stavvy's World masterfully combines personal anecdotes, comedic humor, and insightful discussions on contemporary issues like AI and academic integrity. Stavros Halkias and Joe List engage listeners with their relatable stories and honest advice, all while maintaining a lighthearted and entertaining atmosphere. Notable moments include their candid conversations about relationships, the ethical dilemmas of AI, and the humorous handling of listener calls, making this episode both engaging and thought-provoking for fans and newcomers alike.

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Notable Quotes:

• "You do three hours and there's like an hour and a half, which is what a podcast should be." — Joe List (01:55)
• "We don't have it in us. I don't think me and Eldest could that be so funny if we had to tag team someone." — Stavros Halkias (04:33)
• "College for a lot of people is stupid... It's become an insurmountable thing." — Stavros Halkias (78:20)
• "Eldest welcomes our AI overlords." — Elvis (21:26)
• "If everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do it, young lady?" — Joe List (84:19)

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Note: The timestamps correspond to the transcript provided and may slightly differ when listening to the actual episode.

Transcript

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[Stavros Halkias]

Welcome, everybody, to stop his world. 904-800-STEP. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. Returning one of our favorites. Big Joe List Baby, how we doing?

[Transcript Narrator]

My new nickname.

[Stavros Halkias]

Big Joe Baby.

[Transcript Narrator]

Biggie. Biggie, Biggie. This is my favorite show to do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Can I tell you that I love.

[Transcript Narrator]

That number one favorite podcast to do.

[Stavros Halkias]

That makes me feel good.

[Transcript Narrator]

Listen, are you garbage?

[Stavros Halkias]

You're one.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, then we might be drunk.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

[Transcript Narrator]

And Rogan, Rogan, Rogan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, now I know you're lying.

[Transcript Narrator]

Just go for it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's have three hours nervously trying to not say anything about immigrants. They're not trying to get clipped. Agreeing with something up.

[Transcript Narrator]

I still. You write Twitter Joe List Joe Rogan. It's. There's still. Every day. 15 worst guest of all time. He blew it. He sucks. He folded. He fucking stinks.

[Stavros Halkias]

That the show is fun. But you. It's. You do three hours and there's like an hour and a half, which is what a podcast should be. That's awesome. And then you're high as. And you're like, did I. Did I say eugenics is good? You know what I mean? Like, I've smoked a joint and I'm like, what did I just nod along with? Because I'm not. I'm trying to not be high.

[Transcript Narrator]

I'm not even smoking joy. I'm just there and playing YouTube videos. I'm like, whoa, crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will say we did love. We did about 41 of my. I do like that. On one of my episodes, we did about 40 minutes on squirting. And we looked at real scientific evidence. You know, we look.

[Transcript Narrator]

We Were squirting real.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. I've on the record as saying that I think it's different than piss, but it's mixed with piss. Well, that's the thing that's like saying Kool Aid is water. You know what I mean? I think it has a little. Some extra. Thank you. You know what I mean? Like. Yes. You put some. You put a little Kool Aid in water, it becomes a different thing. You put some squirt, concentrate and piss, it becomes s it. But that's my philosophy.

[Transcript Narrator]

But why does some women do it and some don't? Just some can't.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, different shapes in inner shapes. I think. I think it's purely mechanical shapes. I think so. I think their are shaped by the way, you know, we've immediately gotten Demi. It's been 90 seconds we've said squirting. Anyway, who gets reverse bukkake?

[Transcript Narrator]

Is my biggest fantasy.

[Stavros Halkias]

You want to be reverse bukkake?

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, badly. That's my. I don't watch a lot of porn, but when I do, I go straight to re cocky how much I. I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Imagine there's maybe eight of those videos. You must have seen them all.

[Transcript Narrator]

You're out of your mind.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's thousand. I found one where it's just male women. It's like male carriers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I thought you. I thought you were like, it's just male women.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I realize that sound. That was maybe that was a Freudian slip.

[Stavros Halkias]

I found it where it's a guy and the guys are jacking off.

[Transcript Narrator]

Their squirt is like white.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's why it's sticky. And it looks so much more delicious to me than women's for some reason.

[Transcript Narrator]

No reverse bukkakes. They're all lined up and colony. A little bitch.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

I just want to be dominated.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Transcript Narrator]

You and eldest.

[Stavros Halkias]

We don't have it in us. I don't think me and eldest could that be so funny if we had to tag team someone.

[Elvis]

I got a lot of spunk for you, Joe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Actually. That's true. You know what's fucked up actually what would happen is Elvis's animal would take over. I don't like Eldis. Locks into a. A way he talks about sex. That even makes me his famously horny and best friend of 30 years. Even makes me like, oh, Jesus, Eldis, relax.

[Transcript Narrator]

There's certain people. My friend. I know I feel like I'm always poking fun of my dear friend Ron on Hberg. But he's a guy that likes to tell you what he's jerking off. To. And it just makes me very unsettled. Even though I talked about reverse bukkake, but we're being silly geese. He'll just be like, yeah, I jerked off to her today. And like real deadpan eyes. I mean, you're like, Jesus Christ.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't want to think of run on you if you saw a close up of Renan's face while he was jacking off. His jowls are moving. He's dead eyed. You know, because I've. I've contended. I've told this to his face. Much fatter face than body. So just thinking of him jacking off, you think of his fat face.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But if he had a nice little. Maybe he's a nice little midsection. I wonder what his penis looks like.

[Transcript Narrator]

I find it so hard to think about comedians fucking. I brought this up to Mark Norman. He's the one that's. It's the hardest to think about. Cuz is he rubbing his chin and being like, I'm coming. You can come.

[Stavros Halkias]

Come shot. He's nutting.

[Transcript Narrator]

You come, but you can't come.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm coming. Where am I going?

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. I just pictured the woman being like, oh, my God. I thought the bottom was.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, but does yes mean, you know? Yes.

[Transcript Narrator]

She's like, I wanted to see his abs, but now I got to deal. He's got a foot up on the stool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Doing this while he's getting head. Oh, Thought it'd be better.

[Transcript Narrator]

He's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I don't know. Was this worth cheating on my wife?

[Transcript Narrator]

No one doesn't cheat on his wife. I think that's important to say.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, he doesn't.

[Transcript Narrator]

I don't want to. No.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it's a fun. It's fun to think of him being like, oh, mistake.

[Transcript Narrator]

I said I wouldn't, but now I am.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know he doesn't cheat. He's not Chris DiStefano. He's a good guy. No, that's. He's Italian. Yeah, yeah, we can assume.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, Chris is. I do love accusing him of being a piece of. I saw him yesterday at Sam's house, actually.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh. I was gonna go and then I got caught up. It's hard about throwing a basketball apart and then your team loses and you're just a bummer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really tough. Really tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

I wanted to go. Was it a good group?

[Stavros Halkias]

Fun group. Nice little hang. Our boys. Jp, Ian, Lara. Lot of good. Lot of good people were over there.

[Transcript Narrator]

Love Ian Laro.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's the man Lowkey loves to really argue.

[Transcript Narrator]

I don't want to get too inside baseball people don't know who the Ian.

[Stavros Halkias]

Lara is talking about all our friends jacking off and.

[Transcript Narrator]

And he's one of those guys that, though he likes to debate, like, before you know it, you're just in a shouting man. He's not unlike you. I imagine you two would really go.

[Stavros Halkias]

We had a great time on the road. Yeah, yeah. Cuz we would get locked in. But always good. Always good stuff. But yeah, great group. Had too much pizza. I'm trying to be. Trying to be a good boy, but.

[Transcript Narrator]

I just had two slices myself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sam comes through, he's got a whole. And no one's eating that many sl. It's like comedians are like, you know, I don't even know. The other half of the people are just like a band and like their hot girlfriends who maybe like have.

[Transcript Narrator]

At Sam's house.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Who's the band?

[Stavros Halkias]

He's got friends who are in a band. They were.

[Transcript Narrator]

That's gross.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I'm just saying, it's either half scavenger comics who are going to eat four slices or half people that don't eat pizza. So there's always some left over. And then you're like, all right, wow. You take the one, you do one slice and kind of see, absolutely.

[Transcript Narrator]

Do a lap.

[Stavros Halkias]

You do a lap quickly. You do two. Two is totally fine.

[Transcript Narrator]

Two is appropriate.

[Stavros Halkias]

You take one, you take two, and then you give it maybe eight minutes, nine minutes, six, whatever. Yeah, see, just see? And if. And when you see the pizza disappearing at a slow rate, you're like, oh, we're in range for four. And.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. And then you gotta do it kind of like. So it's not. Yeah, I'm gonna. Okay. Oh, well, yeah, I'm just kind of slowly sneaking.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he gets cheese and pep. Classic. That's what you got to do with a big group. And then. So I have. I'm on three. Right, okay. And then I noticed there's a supreme pizza, too.

[Transcript Narrator]

What's. That's got all the on it.

[Stavros Halkias]

All the on it. And I don't even like that. But to me, I'm like, well, no one's touched it.

[Transcript Narrator]

Mm.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've had the other ones. I'm not gonna get another one of those right now. At this point, I'm like, worried about Sam. Sam doesn't want all this pizza in his house.

[Transcript Narrator]

This is how I am with pussy. I'm like, I've had a couple classics. I never had a male woman. Yeah, let me see what it's all about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure. Male woman's. Nice. Circle back that they're all wearing like usps. Like uniforms are wearing the little blue shorts and.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, I mean I made it up. But it's not a real thought. But I bet you could find it. I bet you could find something like that. That was where my head went. Was male carriers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Okay. Interesting. I thought it was real.

[Transcript Narrator]

It could be real. I mean, I don't know if you can do a quick search. I mean, if you want to go to pornhub, I bet you could find.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Letter carrier Bukaki.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think you're going to find letter carrier Bugaki. Although the fantasy of a male. Your male woman.

[Transcript Narrator]

Post office porn. This is an adult website. We can't go in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, looks pretty good. None of this is post office, by the way. It's just hot women getting. Wait. Go down. Is that the Go from. Is that the. Someone's done AI of Zootopia. And it's Go down. It's the Zootopia bunny.

[Transcript Narrator]

What the. Sucking a real guy's dick. A huge dick. What is Zootopia? And what is that dick?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a like children's. Oh no. Oh boy. No, no. Just get out of here, dude. X out. We're done.

[Transcript Narrator]

There has to be men poor though. There is. I'm sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm sure.

[Transcript Narrator]

She shows up with the bag of bills. I can't afford these. Whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's like, well, I just deliver it. It's like, well, can I you.

[Transcript Narrator]

Anyway, why would she care? Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey man. Just my job. I'll suck your dick.

[Transcript Narrator]

I am a.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it's not gonna help you with the bills at all.

[Transcript Narrator]

We should get into porn. I think it'd be fun to write porn that's never been made.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, now. And I assume this must be for sure exist. We watch Ms. Rachel. I have a baby. So it's Ms. Rachel all day. There's got to be Ms. Rachel porn.

[Stavros Halkias]

Unfortunately, there definitely is.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, he's. Because there's pink headband and. But they should have the peripheral character. I bet there.

[Stavros Halkias]

There probably is.

[Transcript Narrator]

And it's. It's for dads. Well, this is the thing because I watch Ms. Rachel all day. Not all day, but you know, a half hour a day every day. So you just have to come up with something. So I'm like. I guess I could her or like all the characters. You're like, I could be into that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? There's other characters. I'm not. I don't have a child. I'm not familiar.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, there's other. Not characters, but she has, like, buddies around. It's all her kind of, I think, theatery people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, okay.

[Transcript Narrator]

And her husband's on there, too.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's hilarious to be. That's fun, though. She's. She's putting her friends on. She's like, all right, man. That's like the equivalent of, like, opening for your friends is like, all right, man. You want to play a lion in my children's YouTube series?

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, yeah, I think she's hot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, she's like, good politics. Shout out to Ms. Rachel.

[Transcript Narrator]

I disagree there, but what are you talking about?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you're pro. You're pro genocide.

[Transcript Narrator]

I'm pro war when it's necessary. We're back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's so funny. She did. She did a video with a child that had amputated and her arms blown off.

[Transcript Narrator]

And they're like, this is.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's like, when you're on the side that thinks it's bad for a child who had its legs blown off to be happy for one afternoon, you're the bad guy. Like, no matter what it is, if you're like, hey, hey, we need more context for a child that was maimed.

[Transcript Narrator]

To smile, she's like, ear to ear.

[Stavros Halkias]

The happiest this baby's been for in her entire life. But shout out to Ms. Rachel. I hope they're not making too much pornography of you out there, but they probably are, unfortunately.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, but it's not her. It's just people wearing pink headbands, I imagine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

And talking like, blow me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's really fucked up, because you're right, it is dads. But it's also guys that want to be, like, infantilized. Like, I bet you there's, like. They change. It's like a Ms. Rachel stand in, like, time to change your stinky diaper. You know, it's like, oh, what do we got here? There's definitely diaper guys that are into that level of thing. I mean, I guess they've. I've seen, like, cartoons. They make porn of that feels fucked up. I guess it's just that it's a real person because there's definitely spongebob out there.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, this Seinfeld porn. And I know that because everyone ever has sent it to me because I'm always talking about how hot Elaine is. And then people think like, oh, dude, I got a solution. Yeah, check this out. And I'm like, but that's not. That's Julie.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a lady that, you know, with a pierced clit and a weird curly wig.

[Transcript Narrator]

Just like a bald guy fucking her. That's not what I want.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the Jordan, I believe the George they used for that had a. Clearly shaved his head in a funny way. That wasn't. It was kind of. It was like, stubbly. Like, it was so clear. Jerry had a bad wig on that one. I've seen that one. This. But you know what I don't like? They. I believe it was called this Ain't Seinfeld xxx, a porn parody. And they were doing that when. It's like, back in the day, you had a little fun with it. Call it Sex Feld. I mean, that's just right off the top.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right, Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like my. We've talked about a lot on this podcast, but my. Me and my brothers found a porno VHS that we assume was my father's that was called, like, Loose Times at Ridgeley High. It was a fast times, you know.

[Transcript Narrator]

Then there was Forest Humps, was a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Big Edward Penis Hands.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, like, we got a name like they. They were doing for a while. Who's Nailing Palin was maybe the last good one. Although that's not really a spin off of Intellectual Property. It's more.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, just a play off the name. But I look it up. Was it called this Ain't Seinfeld xxx? Probably was.

[Transcript Narrator]

Let me try to think of some good Seinfeld ones.

[Stavros Halkias]

A triple X parody. I mean, you're not even trying, dude. Yeah. I mean, look.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, wow. That looks like you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

I mean, Elaine looks pretty hot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Elaine looks hot, but she also looks, you know, Puerto Rican perhaps, which, you know, Kramer's hilarious because he's shorter than George somehow, but he's got big ass hair.

[Transcript Narrator]

But Jerry is dead on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jerry's James Dean. Famously, I believe.

[Elvis]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

What do you mean? James Dean.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the guy's name. Go back. Let's look up who played Elaine. And this ain't just, you know, just for scientific purposes, you know, do a little. Maybe get a little faster.

[Transcript Narrator]

Sasha Gray.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I think she had a smaller part. Anyway, whatever.

[Transcript Narrator]

Go down.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, there was one called the Porn Nazi. I like that. They're attempting to purchase porn from a man known as the Porn Nazi.

[Transcript Narrator]

Wait. Running time, 143 minutes longer than Goodfellas. You gotta be kidding me.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, that's an. Oh, Christina Rose apparently played. See, you know, I have nothing. Obviously, I've beat off to many Latinas. I think they're beautiful. But it's like we couldn't get a Elaine. Elaine had to be Latina. This is lazy casting.

[Transcript Narrator]

This is the real. This looks Asian to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

She does Latina.

[Transcript Narrator]

Look at her eyes.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, well, I think, you know, that she can have. Latinas can have that.

[Transcript Narrator]

Woman'S.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is so funny. My father, because you know what I just did? I did the thing nerds do when they like cast a black person. It's like a Little Mermaid. Latina Elaine getting sucking dick.

[Transcript Narrator]

I literally people's jobs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Look, it's, it's taken me out. If I'm supposed to jack off to Elaine, I would definitely jack off to this woman, Christina Rose. But you know, look at Tracy Quinn.

[Transcript Narrator]

Perez from San Diego. She's Asian.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, folks, I'm a small business owner and when my toilets are clogged in my business because I employ a man who eats as much as livestock and he'll often clog the toilets if the first plumber I call doesn't pick up, I'm moving on to the next one immediately. Don't let that happen to you with your business. Okay? With OpenPhone you'll never miss an opportunity like that. OpenPhone is the number one business phone system that streamlines and scales your customer communications. It works through an app on your phone or computer. So no more carrying two phones or using a landline. Plus say goodbye to voicemail. Their AI agent can be set up in minutes to handle calls after hours, answer questions and capture leads so you never miss a customer. So whether you're one a one person operation drowning in calls and texts, or have a large team that needs better collaboration tools, Openphone is a no brainer. See why over 60,000 businesses trust Openphone. Openphone is offering my listeners 20% off of your first 6 [e-mail] stavi that's o p e n p h o n e dot com stavi and if you have existing numbers with another service, Openphone will port them over at no extra charge. Open Phone, no missed calls, no missed customers. Well, you came on here to promote your special. No, this will get demonetized immediately.

[Transcript Narrator]

So okay with that?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, me too. It's just a good episode. Small Ball.

[Transcript Narrator]

Small Ball is the special. It's out now by now on YouTube. Yeah, it's on YouTube. Fourth special.

[Stavros Halkias]

Can't wait to see it looks so funny.

[Transcript Narrator]

And my special, in order they have 10 million views, 3 million views, 1 million views. So I'm hoping to have 50,000 by the time this just a nice steady ski Slope of success.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would contend that is the fault of YouTube. It used to be a great place for standup specials, and they have completely destroyed the ecosystem with, like, censoring, demonetizing, and also too many people.

[Transcript Narrator]

Too many people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Horrific. You know, want. They put a camera on a stool and they're like, it's my special. And it's like, all right, man.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, the first one also was on Comedy Central's page, and they have however many million followers, and it was covet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Transcript Narrator]

So that helped. And, yeah, most people hadn't done YouTube specials at the time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

And then the last one, I said continent, and they told me that was fine. And then they were like, just kidding. Yeah. And I was like, well, I would have bleeped it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that destroys, you know, part of my livelihood, probably. That probably knocks me down a couple pegs.

[Transcript Narrator]

It was a bummer. But what can you do?

[Stavros Halkias]

What can you do?

[Transcript Narrator]

But, yeah, it's out.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's out. It's hilarious. Looks great.

[Transcript Narrator]

You gotta thank you, buddy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you. Thank you.

[Transcript Narrator]

Don't look for it. You too, Elvis. It's dedicated to you. Says Rip Eldis.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

85, 20, 26 quotations, probably by now. It looks great. And I like the way you shot it because it was.

[Transcript Narrator]

I used your guys.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, I saw. I saw his name.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Our boy, Mr. Rockefeller.

[Transcript Narrator]

Derek and Willie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Derek and Willie. Shout out to originator. They did a great job on, you know, Live or. No, sorry, we did Live at the Lodge Room. Which one was it? Fat Rascal.

[Elvis]

Fat Rascal.

[Stavros Halkias]

But they're great. And it looks great. And you shot it in clubs. It looked awesome.

[Transcript Narrator]

Chicago. Yeah. We did Zany's downtown and Rosemont School. And we cut them together, but not in, like, a distracting way.

[Stavros Halkias]

I remember that Chris Rock special, which was a great special. Like. But it was like he kept cutting within jokes to, like.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

South Africa. He was in, like. I think he did in three different places.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it was awesome. But it did. It was like more. You're watching more of an interesting, like, film than you are.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

The material.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. This one, you don't even really notice it unless you're, like, really paying attention. And it's like. It's like Godfather 2. There's, like, four cuts.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's not like.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love it. Yeah. Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

So I think it's good. We did a little theatrical run, which was fun, and it's the first one I've ever watched. I was like, it's pretty good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really?

[Transcript Narrator]

A Couple times.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't watch your own specials?

[Transcript Narrator]

No. Well, the previous one, I told the. The director, Jason Katz, who's great, he did my first three, but I was like, I. I can't watch you guys edit. And he left in all these crowd work moments. They left in. I mean, and it was my own fault. But then all the comments were like, this thing wasn't ready. It's not tight. Well, it would be tight if we just cut out me being like, ah, you. So I was like, oh, that was a sloppy piece of mess. I'm like, no, no, no, it's good. So this time I was like, let me get in there a little bit.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's hilarious. I mean, I get it. It's excruciating to watch.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, it's awful.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to, you know, blow my brains out when it's happening. But it is necessary, for sure.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, at least I straightened my teeth, so that helps. Before that, I just wanted to really kill myself. Now I just kind of want to.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's good, man. That's good. That's all you can hope for.

[Transcript Narrator]

But go watch it. For the love of Christ, go watch it.

[Stavros Halkias]

The man's got a child.

[Transcript Narrator]

I got a child. Baby.

[Stavros Halkias]

A beautiful baby boy.

[Transcript Narrator]

But AI is going to kill us all anyways, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, probably right. Eldis loves it. Eldest welcomes our AI overlords.

[Elvis]

I do think it's just inevitable.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you really are. Yeah. You're just giving up?

[Transcript Narrator]

Dude, it's inevitable.

[Elvis]

And then, you know, there will be artistic innovations within the constraints of AI. People will. Too many big words, interesting way.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think they really will, honestly. I think.

[Elvis]

I think they will some.

[Stavros Halkias]

Already it's become so homogenized, and it's. What's happened is the most uninteresting, uncreative people type in, like, you know, like, brooding woman with large breasts or something, and they're like, look at this piece of art I made. And it's just other people's work that a computer is copying. You're just getting a computer to plagiarize for you.

[Elvis]

I think that's Luddite mindset. I think. I think it's like when people. When people in the 90s are like, oh, you can't shoot. Shoot a film on the digital camera.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a little different than that. It's because you weren't stealing other people's work with every digital camera.

[Elvis]

So new right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

But the whole point is stealing, though. You think the computer isn't drawing Superman, it's taking Other images of soup. Whatever. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, we're.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, but we are fine.

[Transcript Narrator]

There's gonna be no jobs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. No jobs.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, people can be like, it's gonna be Utopia or a dystopia. And I'm like, well, based on.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think we know. I think maybe those are the two options. Look what's happening now.

[Transcript Narrator]

Like, May Utopia will come up. That'll be good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Start learning Chinese, folks. They got bullet trains. They get halfway across the country in 20 minutes. Bleep all that, please. Elders.

[Transcript Narrator]

I know Chinese. Do you have Scotch tape? I do a really cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do not give him Scotch tape, eldest.

[Transcript Narrator]

I do a really cool thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

We don't have to get into that.

[Transcript Narrator]

And some light brownish makeup.

[Stavros Halkias]

None of that will be necessary. Believe that, too, please.

[Elvis]

We BLEEP that. Believe bukaki.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah. Come on, man. I think. What is the actual. I feel like bukagi doesn't. The actual meaning wasn't like getting your face, you know, painted. I think it's like it's some kind of.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's got the original meaning. I love how perfectly you spelled bukkake right out of the gate.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is Japanese to splash with liquid or. You didn't know it was Japanese?

[Transcript Narrator]

I mean, I had a sense.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's often used in the context of food, particularly bukkake udon. So you can order bukkake udon. Joe goes, he's pissed. It's not a bowl of jizz with noodles in it.

[Transcript Narrator]

The term bukkake is also widely known as a slang term referring to a sexual act which a group of men ejaculate onto a person, typically. Or even onto food.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow. Now we're talking. Anyway, okay, so it just means splash. I gotcha. But it's taken over stake, you know, splash videos. But anyway, Joy, what's going on with you, man? How's it been? It's been a little while. How's the boy? How's the boy? How's the wife?

[Transcript Narrator]

He's great. Wife is great. She was just away for five days. She went to the Vale Comedy Festival.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, nice.

[Transcript Narrator]

And she booked her flights all whack. They asked. She was leaving Friday and they asked her to book an earlier flight. And they met, like, earlier in the morning. So she booked Thursday when she got there, and she's like, nobody's here. So she just left an extra day. So she was gone for five days. And so it was just me and the boy. And I gotta tell you, life changing experience. I need to quit everything because it was the happiest time of my life. Not because my wife was gone. Right. Didn't hurt. Not because my wife was gone and not because I was with my son. I cleared my schedule.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Transcript Narrator]

I had five days of no horseshit podcast. No respect, no spots. And I just raised a child for, like, 12 hours and then put them down and watched hockey.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

A little bit of basketball.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

And I was like, this is good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

This is a nice life. So that's what I've been up to. And now I'm like, I gotta quit all my podcasts. But, yeah, probably Dr. Money making them, so I gotta keep.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, no, no, not your pie. It's just stop doing. With the exception of Stavi's World.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have to stop doing other podcasts, probably.

[Transcript Narrator]

But even your own pocket, you got to do one a week, plus a Patreon, then I have the regs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's a lot of work, folks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Our lives are tough.

[Transcript Narrator]

Sure. You're climbing up a ladder and knocking, you know, hammering your thumb and this bees on you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

But I got to talk about for like, 90 minutes a week every week.

[Stavros Halkias]

But that is. Do you just feel, like, connect? Like, the fact that it was. If you. The fact that you did have a, you know, your war with your son, though, probably is what also makes it, you know, meaningful. Right? Or. No. No.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's very rewarding. And you really connect. I mean, it was just beautiful. We're making eye contact, and he's starting to learn all these words. It's really sweet. And he laughs. And then you have connection. And now he's old enough to play on his own, so, like, he'll be playing. You just sit and watch it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Blocks. What's he working with?

[Transcript Narrator]

He's got blocks. He stacks, he plays. Trucks, trains, the whole whole thing. We can. And we can have a pass now. We kind of bounce the ball back and forth.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Transcript Narrator]

I mean, it's not like the field of dreams. Catch. He bounces it and it rolls over. Whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You hit him in the head, it rolls back to you.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. And you take him to the park. And we went on the ferry. We took a ride to Astoria to go to the dentist, which was fun and it was awesome. Yeah, it was beautiful.

[Stavros Halkias]

What, does he have any obsessions? Is it trucks? We have a friend who. Her. Her son loves sea creatures. Out of nowhere. Oh, no one in the family ever cared about sea creatures. And it's not. He saw Finding Nemo once.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he locked In. And now he, like, knows the. He knows more sea creatures in. He knows them in Greek and English.

[Transcript Narrator]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's like he's just. He's so locked into sea creatures. It's awesome.

[Transcript Narrator]

I'm the same way. I love clam. There's a clip. There's a clip, folks. Yeah. Straight to the top.

[Stavros Halkias]

Take eight minutes off. We got it, baby. We got the viral clip.

[Transcript Narrator]

No. Yes. He loves wheels. He's obsessed with wheels and the boat because we live next to the ferry terminal. So it's all. But he wants to get on every boat and he goes, he goes. And every, every wheel. He stops and touches every wheel. And then I had a family friend in town, she was like, that's a sign of autism. I'm like an 18 month old boy that likes wheels. I'm like, I think he's.

[Stavros Halkias]

What is going on?

[Transcript Narrator]

Then you look up the. What do we call it, symptoms of autism in an 18 month old. And I'm like, this kid could not be less autistic. He's like, he talks, he makes eye contact. He's got, you know, he's fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course there is. I mean, I think we talked about the last time you were here actually, where there is something. Autism has just got basically. It's basically turned into. You can just say the. You could just drop an R bomb. You're not supposed to say, you know it anymore.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I think in that vacuum, autism is just slipped in.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can, you can say autistic. Like, oh, there's a little. It's. It's just. It's just that I think that's really what it is. Everybody talks about it, everybody says they're a little bit of it. You know what I mean? Yeah, it is a little. It's gotten to the point where as a punchline, it's hack, I think.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yes. Yeah. As a life thing, it's had.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even bring that up to be like, he's autistic. It's like, no, he's. You don't know, lady.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You dumb. Whoever you are.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, take that, you. But autism. Yeah. Has like a lot of symptoms of OCD are very similar. Because I read the symptoms of autism, I'm like, oh, I have a bunch of these. But that's anxiety and ocd.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Like, I got. If I don't take my tea bags out after three minutes, I start smacking my head and spin the people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Joe starts screeching of the Jasmine is too strong.

[Transcript Narrator]

So. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is it three minutes? You do have it down. I know you like to steep.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's less than it's. It's supposed to be three minutes with a bag but they put two bags in. So I go about 90 seconds. Two minutes. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Love that. Give a tea bag somebody with my actual nuts.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean I've gotten my nuts sucked but I've never been like. You know the way like Halo where you kind of. Do you ever do that when you're playing a. That was a fun thing to do. In Halo you would kill someone and then you would crouch, but it looked like you were putting your nuts in his mouth. That's good stuff.

[Transcript Narrator]

I haven't played video games since 1992, but I might pick up a machine and get play. What is it, PlayStation 3 or something like that?

[Stavros Halkias]

It was an Xbox. Xbox big game. It kept them afloat. I feel like.

[Transcript Narrator]

Are they still alive?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think PlayStation 5 is eating their lunch. I think they try. I think the Nintendo Switch and 20s Xbox makes the hosted game show.

[Transcript Narrator]

Okay. So they're kind of around.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think they really like. What's the newest Xbox even fucking called? I think. I think the switch in the PlayStation pretty much fucked their asses. But who you know and they're Microsoft newest. The Xbox series X. I don't know Colin, if you're a dork and you think the Xbox is still cool, you let us know. But yeah, we were, we were briefly an Xbox family. We were Nintendo growing up. So I got a gamecube when I was like. I don't know. That was the best Christmas of my life. I've discussed me and my brothers, we. Everybody loved each other. My family for about like eight days.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That Christmas where we got that GameCube it was literally the closest I've ever felt to my. My fan. Like it was exactly what I wanted. It was like truly the. The best eight days of my childhood is like right that Christmas when you know, me and my brothers were playing together. We're like playing Star Fox. It's collaborative. We're doing a Madden franchise together, you know.

[Transcript Narrator]

That's really sweet.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was beau beautiful. That lasted it, you know, about eight days and then slowly diminishing returns from that. But then we moved on to Xbox and now I'm back to Playstate. You know PlayStation in Greece, my cousin played it. We were playing FIFA there. So we've kind of jumped around console wise. But you know, you were never a.

[Transcript Narrator]

Big like no, I went, I went Nintendo and then Sega Genesis. That was my last thing big Tech mobile and then Sonic. And then after that, I just kind of became a man. I got my first smell of. And I said goodbye forever. Haven't stopped.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it was maybe more your first smell of whiskey.

[Transcript Narrator]

Whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

If I know, you might know your.

[Transcript Narrator]

Little whiskey all the same.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, folks. Summertime, baby. You know what that means. Float in a pool. Drink a delicious beverage. Maybe something, I don't know, delicious. Maybe something brewed with real iced tea. Maybe something that's a crisp 5% alcohol per volume, huh? I think you know what I'm talking about. I think you know I'm talking about twisted motherfucking tea. Keep it twisted. That's right. You're gonna want to keep it twisted. I know. I know who listen to the show. They're freaking fun hunters. Are you hunting fun out there? Maybe you're hunting a little something else. Maybe it rhymes with hunt, too. We won't go into all that, will we, eldest? This is a paid advertisement after all. But either way, no matter what you're up to this summer, what you're gonna want to do is sip on a mother freaking twisted tea. You know, we're sucking them down all summer here at Stavi's World Stavie Baby Enterprises. Kick back, relax, chill. And what I want you to do, grab a refreshing twisted tea today. And remember, keep it twisted.

[Transcript Narrator]

Now, speaking of Xbox, now here's what's really been going up. You want to hear a crazy. You want me to give you a nice. Give me something juicy, something nice, something whatever. Spicy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give me something spicy. Yes.

[Transcript Narrator]

So speaking of Xbox, I'm doing. I'm in Cleveland. I like to do yoga on the road. You know me, I'm a yoga guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course.

[Transcript Narrator]

And I book a class. Friday morning, I'm working hilarities. I go do yoga at this yoga studio. 7:30 in the morning.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a 7:30. Wow.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, I wake up early. Yeah, baby. I go to bed early. I wake up.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you're doing spa. I mean, that's. It's hard for me to go to sleep on the road. Because you're just amped from the late show.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, this is the thing. I'm never. I don't have those kind of shows. My late shows are a little sleepy. I was joke. My late show, it's all the waitresses come in with coats. They're like, it was nice to meet you. And I'm like, where are you guys? What's going on here? I'm kidding. I should stop making jokes like this because everyone takes everything Serious people. Like, I see people are like, joe's bro. That's why he's failing. And I'm always like, I'm doing better than 99 of comedians that have ever done comedy.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's so funny.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's like three comics doing better than me, and they're my best friends. I make a lot of money, very small.

[Stavros Halkias]

One of the best in the biz.

[Transcript Narrator]

Six, seven women on each beach coast. But anyways, so I get up early, I do yoga, and then the next day I was like, what should I. What should I do tomorrow? I'm trying to make commitments. Like, I. I read the book Atomic Habits. You ever read that book? It's a hell of a book.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna check it out.

[Transcript Narrator]

I didn't read it. I listened to it. But it's awesome. It's great. But it was. One of the things about it is you gotta commit to something before. So you pay for the class before you go because you'll be less likely to. Can't. Like, if you just go, hey, I'm gonna do yoga on Friday. Yeah, but if you sign up and pay, you're like, I got a receipt. I' I gotta go. So I did that again. I was like, I'm gonna do yoga the next day. Saturday morning, 7:30am, I'm going, wake up. I didn't want to go, but I was like, it. You signed up, let's go. Atomic habits, baby. You're getting your life together. I run over there, I open the door. My ex girlfriend that I lived together 17 years ago.

[Stavros Halkias]

What? Who lives in Cleveland?

[Transcript Narrator]

In Cleveland? She's from Denver.

[Stavros Halkias]

What the.

[Transcript Narrator]

Moved to San Diego, got married in San Diego. I haven't talked to her in seven and a half years. Haven't seen her, spoken to her, no contact whatsoever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my.

[Transcript Narrator]

Her husband's a doctor. He's like, he works.

[Stavros Halkias]

Holy.

[Transcript Narrator]

Maybe I shouldn't give out too much information.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we'll bleep. We'll bleep out.

[Transcript Narrator]

Where? Yeah, but he. I just. She moved to Cleveland. I opened the door, it's like. And I look up. It was like a movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my.

[Transcript Narrator]

I started shaking. I was like, what the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

And she knew I was coming because when I signed up, they get an email like, Joseph List.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's a teacher.

[Transcript Narrator]

She's the yoga instructor. So it was like seven minutes.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you're looking. It's not even like she's in the corner. You got.

[Transcript Narrator]

And so we had to like, catch up after eight years. And then I just go into her class. She has the little thing. She's like, okay, class.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I'm like, how many people in the class?

[Transcript Narrator]

Like six.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh my God.

[Transcript Narrator]

It was like five of the hottest women I've ever been. My ex, it was also attractive, but it was just ins. The most insane experience that's of my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

To be doing that at seven in the morning too.

[Transcript Narrator]

It was. Was mind blowing. Jarring. The craziest thing. And I. At this point I was just like, oh, it didn't. We didn't have like a bad. We would remain friends, sure, for a while. And then it wasn't like. We were like, I'm never talking to.

[Stavros Halkias]

You again, you piece of.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's just kind of. You fall off. You're both married and how about this? We had kids three days apart.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Transcript Narrator]

She's like, she didn't know I was a father. She's like, you're a dad? That's crazy. I'm like, yeah, he's a year and a half. She's like, I have a one and a half year old. What's his birthday? We do the birthdays three days apart.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. That's nuts.

[Transcript Narrator]

We had children at the same time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Transcript Narrator]

And yeah, it was wild. Now we talk all day, every day.

[Elvis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You reconnected? Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

That's great.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're on signal. The one you can't track.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, Sarah, my. My wife. Who you know. Dear friends. Different of yours. Dear wife of mine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, my wife. She's one of my great. She's a really dear friend. Good buddy.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, she was like. It's like the universe wants you to. I'm like, maybe the universe wants us to reconnect.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because I ra into my ex. Yeah. So, you know, maybe we should each.

[Transcript Narrator]

Signs are there. Like, wait, what? The big Latino guy? Yeah, it was. It was wild. I mean, I was like. And then like I said, you have to like get into like. All right, we're doing yoga.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Now I have to clear my mind and like be in a meditative state where all you're thinking about is this person crazy.

[Transcript Narrator]

But it's nice catching up with someone you haven't seen in a while. Cuz you're like, how you been? I'm like, like, well, I live in Battery Park City.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

There's my balcony.

[Stavros Halkias]

Remember the drunk guy that in your shoes, is this that person?

[Transcript Narrator]

No, that wasn't it. That was a ransom. No, this was. This was like. We live together, the whole thing. We'll get married someday. It was a real serious thing. I went to Peru. I did a one man show about it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I remember this.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. Damn. That is nuts.

[Transcript Narrator]

She called me ugly. She kind of apologized for that. That was nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Kind of move.

[Transcript Narrator]

She said, I'm so sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Transcript Narrator]

But it wasn't like. It wasn't like a sit down, like, I want to tell you I'm sorry. It was like, remember you said that? And she was like, oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it.

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, this is what she said. Because I had a. A horrible overbite and crooked teeth. And she's like, you're gonna get surgery. At the time, I made like 11 grand a year.

[Stavros Halkias]

Surgery.

[Transcript Narrator]

That's what I said. I was like, reconstructive surgery.

[Stavros Halkias]

You want me to break my jaw in nine places and not talk for a year?

[Transcript Narrator]

This is my girlfriend. And I was like, think so. I was like, surgery. Oh, it's worse. So then I'm like, I don't think so. And then she literally said, this is a quote. She goes, so you're just gonna, like, look like that forever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God.

[Transcript Narrator]

I told Alan, our third. My therapist, and he's like, you got. You can't talk to this woman ever again. He's like, this is horrible.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Then it was another one I've told. I tried to do this as a bit, but it never worked. I. One time when we first started dating, we were like, I might probably tell you this story. We were madly in love, and so I. She left her, like, Gmail up. We lived together, and so I searched my name, thinking it's gonna be just me being like love letters.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

And it was a conversation with her friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was a G chat.

[Transcript Narrator]

And it was like. And I found what I wanted to find. She's like, he's amazing. He's hilarious. I'm, like, in love with him. I literally think he's the one. And then she's like, he's not attractive, but I just think he's so sweet and funny. And so I just had to read her behind my back. Literally will just be like, he's ugly.

[Stavros Halkias]

He is. Now, look, I. It's. I close my eyes to nut. I can't really look at him. I kind of do the thing. I kind of cross my eyes. I kind of do the thing where you're doing an I Spy and you try and look at the magic eye thing. Like, I do that. To not focus on his features.

[Transcript Narrator]

Like, it was horrible. It was so hard.

[Stavros Halkias]

That stuff too, because it's like, that is. That's the truth. That's been her and her best friends who are actually doing. Because we've all done that, where you're like. Like, I like this thing. I like this thing. I hate this thing. But I love her. And it's. And even though it's in the context of he's the one, I love him. Whatever. Devastating.

[Transcript Narrator]

It was devastating.

[Stavros Halkias]

Your girl doesn't think you're hot. Jesus.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yes. Well, we had another one later, too, where we were hanging out with some friends.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I'm sorry to keep making this worse, but.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

She didn't even say. He's like. He's like, you know, maybe he's not conventional, but I just find him so attract. She didn't even say, like. Like, I don't even get it. Like, I've had women thinking they're being, like, nice to me. Be like, I don't know why, but I find you attractive. You know what I mean? Which is like, all right, I'll take. I know what you mean. And that is the way you can find me attractive. Because you can't just be like, well, that's what I like.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

But she didn't even say that. She just said, he's ugly.

[Transcript Narrator]

He's ugly. But I like him. I'm gonna give it a try.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like everything else about him, but, man.

[Transcript Narrator]

But another time, we were hanging out, and she was like. They were talking about, what's your type? And she was like, like, well, I like. You know, I'm from Denver. I like a. Like a kind of an outdoorsy guy. I like long hair and, like, tan. Big bill, like she described. I think I'm like, wait, what? Like, can you at least fake it? Come up with, like, just for my benefit?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't really have a type.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Do something. Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

I like a real tall guy, even if he's lanky. I still like height.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Funny. I like a funny tall guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tall guy. Something up about his jaw.

[Transcript Narrator]

Herpes. Yeah. Like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Teeth to be a few inches in front of his bottom teeth. But anyways, now I have a beard, and I straighten my teeth.

[Stavros Halkias]

The beard is nice.

[Transcript Narrator]

Now it's like. And I think kid is big, too. That makes you look like a real man, for sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Transcript Narrator]

So every day I send her a photo of me and my boy. No good.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that dude. Yeah. That is really funny because. Because, I mean, to be smacked in the face with that.

[Transcript Narrator]

It was. I mean, it's like if you went to Indianapolis and saw your girlfriend. Yeah, it's crazy. It was seriously the most insane thing. And like, she's like kind of like Denver. Kind of came from money and was in the cool. Like, and was a world traveler. Like, she left me. She went to Argentina. I visited her in Peru one time. So I thought she would have lived in Bhutan before she lived in Cleveland.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cleveland. Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Which is another nice thing. When you see an ex and you're living in Battery Park City, they're living in Cleveland.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

I win this round.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. What? And remind me, what was the job that you compared your salary to to say? It was good.

[Transcript Narrator]

A doctor.

[Stavros Halkias]

What is her husband?

[Transcript Narrator]

Doctor. Working 700 hours a week, Coming home exhausted. She never sees him. Doesn't help with the kids. I'm with my son all day, every day. I'm doing labor here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Except for right now.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, this is work.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And then, you know, maybe we'll hang out for a couple hours after, you know, I do love. I do love the COVID Doing podcast gives like friends with families. Like, I've had people that like, you know, sometimes I feel bad cuz we do kind of record for a while.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, it's not like your typical hour. Hour in and out, whatever. And then for some people, I feel really bad. And then for other people, they're like, okay, okay. But sometimes you can go longer too. Like, you can tell who hates their family, but they're like, no, I'm hanging, dude. It's all good.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, I'm do another one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's do another one. Let's do a Patreon. Dude. Who cares?

[Transcript Narrator]

I can't wait to get home. I love my son.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is fun. Yeah. Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Whatever her name is, her name's Cleveland. No.

[Stavros Halkias]

What do you get the man who's got it all or says he doesn't need anything this Father's Day? Skip the ties and get your dad something he'll actually love. An aura digital frame. My pops. Yes. But I'll be honest with you, it's been a while since I got him anything. This is the first year. This is the first year that my dad's been actually in my life for like a decade. And it's the perfect year. Honestly, I'm actually pumped. I got 10 years of pictures to fill an aura frame with. We're on speaking terms again. I'm excited to gift him. I literally am gonna get him an OR frame for Father's Day. That's the truth. This isn't even the ad folks. I'm excited to give him One picture of me and Eldis across America on tour. My father's no idea what my life is like.

[Elvis]

I'll probably fill it up as well.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Elders will be filling it up. If we're being honest. Find 40 nice pictures. I don't care. That's the beauty of the Aura frame, man. That's what a great gift it is. You fill it up with memories. You give it to your dad. He's gonna love, love it. Not only is he gonna love it, but Aura's got a great deal for Father's Day. For a limited time, listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting auraframes.com to get $30 off on their bestselling Carver Matte frame. That's a frames.com promo code. Stavi support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. I mean, it is beautiful, though. I mean, I am in the. You do see, a lot of my friends are in the, you know, having kids zone, where, like, at first it was people I knew of, obviously, like, you know, outside social, not the inner circle. Now it's like, really, my best friends are all kind of in that zone. And it is beautiful. You know, my brother had a kid. We got. We got a little. We got the nephew of the podcast who's out there. So cute. He came to the. He came to the D.C. show. He's there with his little, like, little ear muffs. Oh, that's in a balcony. You know, watching. It was. It was really cute. Cute. And it was. Yeah, we brought him on the bus. He's in a little. They just put a little tracksuit for me. It was so cute. And you do see, like, the. And even though it is probably, you know, just the animal thing that you're supposed to do, you see a little baby that you're related to or you love their parents or whatever, and you're like, I would literally, like, kill and die for this little lump of, like, you know, this little lump. And there is something just like. Like, oh, yeah, because I've had days where I have nothing to do, and I'm like, shouldn't I do something?

[Transcript Narrator]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

And you realize, like, oh, yeah, that's for having children.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Like, that's what that. Like, you figured everything out. You have some time in the day. It's for that. You know what I mean?

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. No, it's wonderful. It's the best. I can't. I mean, thinking about it makes me just want to go home. I'm like, this is stupid. What Am I doing?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Think about selling my specials.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right after we talk about seeing my ex, we have a weird fucking cut. It's gonna look so incri.

[Stavros Halkias]

Leave this in. Definitely leave this in.

[Transcript Narrator]

I'm like, yeah, So I saw my ex. It was great to see her, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

I think the capital of Florida is Sarasota, if I'm not mistaken.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I know. It is. It is fun. I'm excited. And just think about him being like. You think about, like, actually turning into a person and a guy you can hang out with.

[Transcript Narrator]

But this is what scares me. I just feel like the world. I'm worried the world is gonna be so hard.

[Stavros Halkias]

It will be. Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Like, hey, I won't even understand how to teach him life. Like, he's gonna go to school. I'm gonna be like, I'm thinking of, like, chalk. And it's gonna be robots.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's no chalk.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's gonna be a robot lady shooting us.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, if it's a robot. If there's robot teachers, you don't have to worry about, you know, sexual indiscretions. That's good, I guess. There's some robot priests. That's this feature. They stop. They stop. Maybe, you know, we're back in.

[Transcript Narrator]

But AI, There'll be a lot of good stuff, too. They'll solve cancer. That's usually climate change.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, definitely.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Big business won't continue to profit off of suffering. That's what happens when a new technology, they use it for good.

[Transcript Narrator]

No, but that. They'll make money off of that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think so, man. I. I'm just. I'm very skeptical and at least I don't. You know, it just, again, seems like it's mostly stealing, like, whatever, AI. It just feels like a search engine or. It's the feeling to me again. I don't know. Obviously some of it is, like, shortcuts, like, you know, whatever. But we don't know what we're talking about. I just have no.

[Transcript Narrator]

I don't know why I said wait. You don't know what you're talking.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have no idea.

[Transcript Narrator]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. It doesn't help that everything I think of with machines is like. Well, the Terminator, of course. It's like. It's so easy to say we're in Skynet. And I don't necessarily disagree. I guess I think we are also giving it too much credit. I actually don't think it's that cutting edge is really where I come down on.

[Transcript Narrator]

But it's. It's growing exponentially.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's smart, I guess.

[Transcript Narrator]

I mean Elvis is gonna be the first one out of a job.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, that's the good thing is that I will be able to replace Eldis for a fraction.

[Elvis]

Robots will always need a competent human to oversee the output. They're nothing without the human.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's all gonna be run by eldises. It's going to be all like barely competent middle managers that are going to thrive under AI.

[Transcript Narrator]

We could use a few more Eldises out there.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think so.

[Elvis]

There we go. That's what I'm saying.

[Transcript Narrator]

The bukaki.

[Elvis]

I mean think of all those Bukaki videos.

[Transcript Narrator]

I think that robot, that's clip number two. I'm thinking I got some big ones. Small ball baby.

[Stavros Halkias]

Small ball.

[Transcript Narrator]

YouTube.

[Stavros Halkias]

Check it out. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Are we. Are we. Should we help the people Eldest, you know, are you. Are we ready to really take some calls? Really help. We've got a wise father who just. Who nearly. Who just barely dodged, you know, cheating with an ex. That's what we cut out.

[Transcript Narrator]

Hippo. These people believe the. That's.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right.

[Transcript Narrator]

You're right. Every. Every. I was just talking about this in run on. I think I'm the most misunderst because I'm very dead Pan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Everything I say, people are like, they fought. This guy hates black people. He's afraid of cats.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is true. They. They think you and Bobby both are racist.

[Transcript Narrator]

You know, like I'm doing again.

[Stavros Halkias]

We got to get you and Bobby back on Christmas this time. We. We. We're not actually. Maybe if we move. We should just smoke cigars in here one last time.

[Transcript Narrator]

But let's just. Let's take precautions. Get a fan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Open the window. AI can make suck in our smoke. We'll put. Yeah. Every time we exhale, we do it into Eldis's mouth.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, I'm into that. That's hot.

[Elvis]

My dick's getting hard.

[Transcript Narrator]

Mine's remaining hard. Clip number three.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hit us with some questions. Big ELD can't hear.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh boy. See we need AI all this up.

[Caller]

He is about.

[Transcript Narrator]

Hey, stop.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, Elvis.

[Caller]

Hope you guys are doing well.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have a question. Not for me, but for a friend. Oh. So. I mean, he is about to have.

[Caller]

A baby with his wife and we've.

Always talked about having good looking girls.

[Stavros Halkias]

And we know she's about to have some fake tendencies.

[Caller]

And Scotty, baby, we know you're.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're a Thick, sexy.

[Caller]

But, but we don't know about having that for the girl. So what, like, what's your advice?

A thick girl come into this life.

She has some thick girl tendencies.

She's already getting those, those arms, those.

Those elbows and those legs. Like she's a skinny girl.

So how do I coach my boy through this pregnancy and make sure he.

Stays around after she gets birth?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh this, what is this question? Appreciate any and all advice. I know you don't have a kid, but, but I know you have friends.

[Transcript Narrator]

That have fat people elbows.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was just saying my wife is getting fat having my pre show. How do I stick around his friend's wife?

[Transcript Narrator]

Still can I say I have a, like I was joking about all the baki in the business. I have like a pregnant I, my wife, when she was pregnant, I was so into her and I have a doctor that's like pregnant right now. She's hot anyways, but I'm like, I like it, it's sexy. And if she's not fat before, she probably won't remain fat.

[Stavros Halkias]

What the fuck?

[Transcript Narrator]

It's like cheating. You're like, yeah, you have a fat girlfriend for like, for like four months. You got a fat cell. It's a beautiful gift. I'm gonna have another kid just so I can have a fat titted wife for like five months. It's like the best thing ever. Yeah, you have a different body.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like that idea. Yeah, that is, that's a nice way to look at it. You know I would say take that approach. What Joe's saying, what you're saying is just like, he's like, well if my wife gets too fat having my child, I don't want to stick around.

[Transcript Narrator]

That's the best line. Yeah. How I gotta keep him sticking around after he has a baby or even.

[Stavros Halkias]

He'S saying like, you know, we've always talked about having good looking girls. It's like what's more important your boy like that's, that's the other thing that's so funny is like wanting credit from your boy for getting pussy. That's such like 20 year old mentality. It's like, well what's important is, is I show my friends who I and they think it's cool.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, enjoying the person, loving the person that I'm with and having a child with them. So I like Joe's approach. I didn't like, I honestly did not care for his tone, if I'm being honest here. And the holds for my friend stuff and we've always Talked about it. Sounds like he wants to. His friend also.

[Transcript Narrator]

She's already getting those elbows.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, classic fat elbows.

[Transcript Narrator]

I've never heard a man refer to a woman's elbows ever once in my entire life for any reason.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, also, I feel like that's the place you can't gain weight.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, that's a bone.

[Stavros Halkias]

If he's talking. I mean, maybe he's talking about, like, lunch lady arms.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, that's tough.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will admit that is a tough look. That's one thing I praise God that he made me the type of fat guy that does not have those arms.

[Transcript Narrator]

Saggy elbows.

[Stavros Halkias]

Saggy. Yeah. Like, when it's coming down here. That's tough. That's a tough look. But, you know, if we're. All we're talking about is somebody gaining a little weight. Relax. Exactly. It's like cheating. That's a good way to look at it. That's a good way to get through to a misogynist about this. It' a different dude.

[Transcript Narrator]

No, it's awesome. I love. I loved it.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, I definitely have taken some strolls through the pregnancy part of X videos dot com. Not too much, but like, when the tits get huge and you just.

[Transcript Narrator]

And they're veiny. Yeah, I love a veiny, blue veined tit.

[Stavros Halkias]

But then you start thinking like, damn, dude, what's going on in her life? She has to do porn while pregnant.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, that's the hard part. That feels like the kid. It feels slightly traumatizing. Yeah, Child.

[Stavros Halkias]

The child's in the womb. So basically there's a ch. You know, if it's late enough in the game, when you see the real crazy ones, it's like, well, that basically. And I'm not. I'm definitely a guy that's pretty, you know, pretty. It's really not a kid until pretty close to it coming out. But it's tough to just be like, you were in there. I was nine months pregnant and just getting nutted in.

[Transcript Narrator]

I have a big black.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who knows what color it was.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, the one I watched was black.

[Stavros Halkias]

Joe's. Joe's bukkake black pregnant porn.

[Transcript Narrator]

So you're pro choice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, I am.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, all right. Another topic we can't talk about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Put it on the Joe list problemat or whatever. You know, Joe list is a. Is a fascist. Super cut. Let's do that. Let's get. Let's just completely misrepresent Joe. You think you know what the clips are, pal? We got a super cut coming, folks. We love Magic Spoon here at Stavi's. World Magic Spoon makes high protein, zero sugar cereal and treats reinvented from your childhood favorites. The nostalgia is out of control. These, honestly, I love the peanut butter ones, but I also. And the flavors are awesome. I didn't think I would like these. These are the fruity, the fruity flavored ones. I'm telling you, brother, I popped these in my mouth. I for it transport. These are the most, these taste the most like you know what they're modeled after in my opinion. You pop a couple of these in your mouth, you're like, you're transported to being a fat little 8 year old who's getting all the good cereal before your brothers wake up. And yes, that's how it was in my house. House. And what I love about Magic Spoon is that it's not. It's not sugary like the regular cereals. You know what I mean? Like it's it for me. The macros are out of control. And you know, we're on Stavi Gets Ripped season three. You know, we're trying to, you know, I'm trying to get my protein intake in. These are nuts. We're talking 13 grams of protein, 4 grams net carbs, zero sugars, grain free, gluten free, good stuff. Tastes delicious.

[Transcript Narrator]

This.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they got the treats. We were crushing those on the tour. We're crushing them now. When I want a little, when I want a little sweet treat at the end of the night, those have become my go to. They come in mouth watering flavors like marshmallow chocolate, peanut butter and dark chocolate. Both are great on the go pre or post workout or as a midnight snack. I crush up. Look when I'm being a little bit of a slutty boy, but I don't want to take it too, too far. I crush these up over some like Greek yoga yogurt. It's nice, dude. Like a flavored vanilla Greek yogurt or even some locale vanilla ice cream. I crush up some of these fruity. That's my little. That's my little tip of the day. Either way, get $5 off your next order at magicspoon.com stavi or look for magic spoon on Amazon or in your nearest grocery store. That's magicspoon.com stavi for $5 off. All right, what else we got?

[Caller]

LD I saw Eld and esteemed guests.

[Transcript Narrator]

Thank you.

[Caller]

I have a friend group. It's me and three other guys. So four of us total. We're all pretty good dudes. There's this one guy we all know each Other from college. There's one guy though, who is an alcoholic pretty bad. The first time my fiance met him, he drank. And it's not an exaggeration because we counted. He drank like 32 beers in like four hours.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome.

[Caller]

Granted, he's like six, eight, so kind of the same, but he. Every time I see him get blackout drunk, it's the whole thing. So I'm getting married next August and I want to make this group of friends, my groomsmen and my fiance. Like I said, the first time she's met him, he's blackout drunk. He drank over like a hundred and something dollars worth of her liquor that she was having for New Year's.

[Transcript Narrator]

It was a whole fight. You have some insight into this.

[Caller]

Passed out on our couch and left the next morning at 5am still driving. Drunk driving is not. Not good. But anyway, she didn't want me to invite him and so I told him, I said, hey, you need to figure your out to be invited. I didn't tell him he's gonna be a groomsman yet, or I want him to, but you need to figure your out or else you're not invited to the wedding. And for a couple months he was doing good. But then one day he goes missing to the point where he's not answering calls or texts. I have to call in a missing persons report up in a couple states a while way. Then he just shows back up out of nowhere and pretends like nothing happened, refuses to address it. And now he's posting pictures in our group chat of him drinking 40s and stuff on a Wednesday afternoon. So question is really, how do I make the other two friends, groomsmen in the friend group, exclude this guy and not be an. When I say, hey, you can't come to the wedding because we don't want you blackout drunk being annoying and ruining the day and what not. Yeah, that's all I got.

[Transcript Narrator]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Transcript Narrator]

I. I had this exact situation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really?

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

What happened?

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, it's one of the funniest stories.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, let's hear it.

[Transcript Narrator]

So I had a guy, a friend. He wasn't a groomsman, but I didn't have groomsman, but I just had a best man. You were there?

[Stavros Halkias]

I was there.

[Transcript Narrator]

But anyways, he. I had a friend that was a big drunk like me. And then I got sober and he kept drinking and. And all my friends, he lived in Boston. All my friends kept warning me like, hey, this guy is like really out of control right now. He got thrown out of a minor league baseball game. By the umpire.

[Stavros Halkias]

The umpire.

[Transcript Narrator]

I swear to God. I mean, is that not the craziest thing? Like, the actual. With the mask. Umpire was like, you. You go. Want me to run? You get out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Looking up is insane pain.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. So anyway, so. And then he hit my other friend. And so I talked to Sarah, my therapist, and I was like, I think I. Sarah. It was like, whatever. It's your call.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

But I sent him along. I don't know if this is helpful, but I sent him a long message and just wrote like, I can't invite you to the wedding. I'm hearing these stories. I just don't want you to. You're a mess. You're a blackout. And then I was. It was really one of the hardest things I've done.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

To tell this, like, close friend. I was one of his groomsmen to tell this person, I can't have you at my wedding. You're a liability. Whatever. And then I thought it was kind of like, okay, I took care of that. And then he wrote back, like, the most beautiful, thoughtful email and was like, I love you. I need this. I would never be a problem at your wedding. I promise I won't drink. Just let me be part of whatever. And it was a beautifully written, thoughtful message. So I brought it up to my therapist and to Sarah, and she's like, it's totally your call. And I decided to give them the go ahead, ahead. Be like, you can. You can come. Because that meant a lot to me. Response. Here's the punchline. He's sitting in the back. Sarah, my wife, is walking up the aisle with her dad. And I look back, and just out of a corner of my eye, I see him next to her. He goes. He did the. He's making the pussy eating, which is so funny. And because he didn't drink, he left early. He came, he didn't make a seat. But he still couldn't not do the, like, eater box.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, imagine that. That guy with even four beers in here doing that. The eating maneuver when she's walking down.

[Transcript Narrator]

The aisle, like, next to her. But, like, the image is my wife, her dad, and my friend eating. It's just too good. And he was sober, dead sober.

[Stavros Halkias]

But anyways, that's kind of. That is kind of nice, though, that he. That he sent you this. Thoughtful. And he actually held his. You know, held up.

[Transcript Narrator]

No, he was great. And he danced on the dance floor. I think he threw his knee out on the dance floor. Left early. But. So anyways, yeah, I think you Gotta tell this guy. And it's. Your wife is number one on the day of the wedding. So I would give her the option. What do you, what do you think I should do? What should I do? You want him here or not? And I think if your wife says, I don't want this guy at my wedding, you gotta say no, absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And. And look, we hear it in his voice, right? This is brutal. And the. What you were feeling when you're sending him that message is horrible because it's like, you're one of my best friends. Of course I want you there. And, and it's not even really his fault. It's obviously his, like, you know, his addiction. So that's what's really sad about it is that, like, it's not even really him, right? Like, especially you as a sober person, you understand that, that it's like if he took scare, if he took care of his shit, he could be there. And, and there is definitely a version of our caller here. There's a version of his friend that if he's, you know, hopefully someday he gets sober, hopefully this is something, you know, he can look back on the fucked up shit, you know, the dumb shit he used to do. But if the. And his question is, how do I get the friends to exclude him? I mean, your. If your other friends don't understand why your wife doesn't want this guy at your wedding, they're fucking idiots too.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Like, that's part of. It's like if this was, you know, luckily we don't have anybody like this in our close friends or whatever eldest. But like, like if there was a guy that you that was like that a significant other very fairly had a reason to not want at your wedding, and it was like one of our best friends, I wouldn't be like, come on, dude, your wife's being a bitch. You know what I mean? Like, that's insane, you know? So I'm sorry, you know, sorry that you have to go through this, but I think you've kind of. He already did the conversation. You said, right? He already said, I can't have you there, there. You know, if anything, maybe our friend kind of tried a little too early, right? Like, he kind of tried to get him to fix his whole life. And it's like, maybe you should have just kept your powder dry and been like, you can't come unless you're sober for the wedding. And the second you see him drink, you know, you got to toss it. But then again, this guy's six, eight. And you don't want to have that whole. You don't want that hanging over. Yeah, you don't want to be thinking about that during your wedding.

[Transcript Narrator]

See, I thought. He hasn't asked him. Doesn't he say, need to figure out or else you're not invited? Oh, he said, you got to figure it out or you're not inv. Invited.

[Stavros Halkias]

So he said that. And then the guy was trying. And then he.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right, right. Then he fell off the wagon. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And now he's basically like, okay, so he's used up his chances. How do I break it to my friends? And it's like, dude, you told. They know about this. If they don't think this is. You know what I mean? If they don't understand where you're coming from, they're being fucking idiots. And I think all you do is you have the conversation. You let them know you, you know, like, hey, I just can't have him, like, just a fucking liability. I don't want him ruining my wedding. And it's really sad, but he just can't come. And they'll probably be bummed, but if they don't understand it, then you can go from there. Because I think what probably is gonna happen is you have this conversation. You're dreading it, because it's a hard conversation to have with your. If a friend group has one guy that you've been friends with since you were kids and he's not at your wedding, that feels bad for everyone. But. But you're worried about something that hasn't happened yet, Right? Like, you're worried that they're going to have this conversation. Then be like, dude, you're a. How could you, like, not bring drunk Ed to your wedding? Don't worry about that yet. We are not there yet. This is classic, like, anxiety and worrying about something that hasn't happened yet. So one step at a time. If they then act like you could be like, well, listen, man, that's just how it is. I want you to be my groomsman. And if they've argue with you about it, then it's like you. You worry about. Then you cross that bridge when you get to it, right?

[Transcript Narrator]

And you put it on the guy like you care about him. I want you to get help. We're worried about you. Go to rehab.

[Stavros Halkias]

You.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, whatever. Yeah, put it on him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And it is his. That is something he has to do.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, there's no way. There's no way around it. So, yeah, whatever.

[Transcript Narrator]

But 32 beers in four hours. That's pretty cool. Cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

He does sound cool. I will say that this is a guy that was awesome when he was 20.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean?

[Transcript Narrator]

I like the cut of his gym.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elvis]

That sounds like college level. Also just like how specific that number is too. You could like see yourself telling a story like that when you're like 20.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm telling you, he drank 35 and a half beers.

[Transcript Narrator]

I mean, that's eight beers an hour.

[Elvis]

Yeah, I could have done that.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's a big guy. Yeah, you probably could have. Have.

[Elvis]

Well, I guess that is a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you probably could have. Psych. You're a lightweight.

[Transcript Narrator]

Clip.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hit us with another.

[Caller]

Hey, St. Hi, Eldis. I am calling with a particularly odd dilemma. So my boyfriend and I live together in a house where our two other roommates, they're separate. They're not together as a couple, but they are both gay. My landlord, who is one of the roommates, have cameras all over the house, mainly outside, but there are a couple inside and like, I think one in his room and one in the common area inside. Anyway, my boyfriend and I are. Are pretty physical sexually and he likes to try and get down with the. Get down outside when we're sitting around the fireplace or just enjoying a drink, whatever. I'm uncomfortable because there's cameras everywhere. I know that he's not going to watch this and get off to it. I know that, that you know, that's not the point. But you don't know that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I guess.

[Caller]

I don't know. The cameras make me super uncomfortable. They were here when I moved in. I've only lived here about a month. Month. I'm sorry, I'm rambling.

[Transcript Narrator]

Don't be.

[Caller]

How the do I get over this? I mean, I don't want to go up to the man and be like, take your cameras down. But also. And you might be thinking, well, why not just in your bedroom? I mean, we do. But I feel bad turning my guy down all the time over this Jesus Christ. Weird peeve that I. I don't even know if it's a peeve, but it's. Anyway, blah, blah, blah. Love you guys. Thank you.

[Transcript Narrator]

I want to be filmed.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't want to be. You don't want to. In an area where it's. Being. There's security cameras. I mean, this is insane. Dude, you're. What a. I mean, I respect. What a people pleaser. I. I hear this and it's like, you know how this woman's like bending over backwards and she sounds like a cool girlfriend.

[Elvis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or the guy sounds like a very. A guy who's good at guilting someone. But imagine IM like, okay, okay. If you and your boyfriend were sitting around a fireplace and in the corner of the yard, your landlord was sitting there reading a newspaper.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's not really paying attention. He's reading the newspaper, whatever. Would you want to suck his dick then? No. It would be weird. That's essentially what the security camera is.

[Transcript Narrator]

The camera in a common area is also psychotic in general.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean that there's. The two issues here are. Hey, we don't want. Now, I don't know what exactly the camera is. Like, is it. Is it like, is it that. Is that your private space? Like when you rented that place with, like, private backyard? Because if that's the case, you could say, I don't really want a camera here. I feel like it's not private. I just don't like the idea. Because like, let's say somebody fucking breaks into your house.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. It could be a black neighborhood, I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Suppose it could be a white neighborhood. It could be an Asian neighbor. You know, know, break ins happen everywhere.

[Transcript Narrator]

Don't clip.

[Stavros Halkias]

Break ins happen everywhere. You know, clip. Let's say, like, yeah, nothing happens right now. Right. But. And then the cops come or even your landlord, and they scroll through eight times. You're getting. You're sucking your boyfriend's dick to find the culprit or whatever. You know what? Like, you're not in the wrong here at all to feel uncomfortable. And your question being, how do I get past my pretty reasonable boundary.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And suck my boyfriend's dick on camera on. Like, even though no one's gonna watch it and my gay landlord is not gonna jack off to it, you don't want to do it. And you shouldn't feel bad for not wanting to do it. Now, as a tenant, if you're like, hey, this feels like a little bit of a, you know, too. You have cameras too much in my. This doesn't feel private. I don't like the. I don't like this here.

[Caller]

Here.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's something you can talk to your landlord about, but that those are the two issues you can talk about, not how do I get over this to make my boyfriend happy.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right. Can I also add, first of all, just because the guy's gay doesn't mean he's not gonna watch you guys. It.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Like, if I had surveillance camera and two men just were railing each other.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would take a look for a second.

[Transcript Narrator]

I'd be like, that's interesting. Also, this is just a side note. What kind of people. I've never heard of someone with roommate mates having a fireplace.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it's a fire pit. Right?

[Elvis]

It's an outdoor fireplace because she said there's cameras outside. There's also two cameras inside. One in the common area, one in the landlord's bedroom outside.

[Transcript Narrator]

We're sitting around the fireplace. Okay, that makes a little more sense. I'm just picturing a home with a fireplace. You don't usually have roommates.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

You can afford a fireplace, but needs roommates.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, you know, you never know.

[Transcript Narrator]

Hard times, I guess.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sometimes you get a nice place and the only way you can afford it is because there's five of you in there.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right, right. Like you used to be.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly. It's this apartment.

[Elvis]

Even without cameras, it's ballsy to have two roommates and, like, try to your girlfriend, like, in the backyard where anyone could just walk in at any time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, you're not wrong here. You have a thing. Like, you have something that makes you uncomfortable, and that's okay. You know what I mean? Like, some people are into, like, exhibitionist stuff.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, I've been out with girls who liked, like. Like flashing their tits in a restaurant. And like, it's kind of hot. They're like, oh, maybe we get caught. But it's like. And then I've tried to. One time I tried to outdoors, and I couldn't do it because it was like people were walking by. If, like, I kept losing my. My heart on because I was like, yeah, someone's coming. You know what I mean? Like, it was. We were like, in. In a weird little bush area. And it's like, whatever. You're just not into it. You don't have to feel bad about this. You just. Just where you feel comfortable. And if you want to do something kind of not whatever naughty outdoors, go camping and suck his dick in the woods or something, but it's like, you don't have to want. You don't have to do this if you don't want to, man.

[Transcript Narrator]

Also, you're gonna go to hell for living with homos, so you might as.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well.

[Transcript Narrator]

Just living with a game.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? Right. That's an implicit approval of their lifestyle.

[Transcript Narrator]

So living inside of a fireplace for eternity, these sinning gays.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I guess. Elders, what is the. The. The living situation here? It's like her. Her landlord and his is.

[Elvis]

She said there's two. No, it's Two gay guys. They're not dating. They're just two single gay guys they live with. One of them is the landlord, so I don't know if he owns.

[Stavros Halkias]

So it's a big house. It's not apartments.

[Transcript Narrator]

I think it's a big house.

[Elvis]

Oh yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is crazy.

[Transcript Narrator]

A big backyard and a fireplace.

[Stavros Halkias]

You should not feel bad. Yeah, sorry. I thought for. I, you know, I thought it was in a park. They had their own place and there's like cameras in the common area.

[Elvis]

I guess it could be an apartment like with. With, you know, just a big ass apartment, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. You know, with a common backyard or whatever. So anyway. What? Either way. Yeah, you're fine. Dude, don't. Don't do something if you don't want to and you know, go. Go somewhere else outside where there's no cameras and maybe there's a little more privacy. Your gay. Your gay roommates might not see you. Wow, two gay guys.

[Transcript Narrator]

They.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're not dating.

[Elvis]

I'm assuming they.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, yeah. Every couple hours or so. These people. You have no idea. I knew a couple of these guys back when I was in Boston.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, that could be.

[Transcript Narrator]

We took care of them.

[Stavros Halkias]

We took care of them. We sucked them off.

[Transcript Narrator]

They're gone.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, I kind of. I got embedded to really learn their lifestyle and you the amount of times they wanted. I sat though when I was undercover. I The four or five times a day. What else we got? LD hey, stop.

[Caller]

Hey, eldest, big fan coming to see you in Pittsburgh this coming Thursday.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was a fun show.

[Caller]

I know you said not to buy Thursday tickets, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, that's for comedy clubs. That's for comedy clubs. Please buy tickets. Let me be very clear. Come see me anytime at a theater. It's the one time I'm in town. I just said Thursday is kind of a weird day at comedy club clubs. It's your warm up show. If you're a real fan of comedy and you want to see somebody like really kind of try. Try new stuff or kind of get their legs underneath them. It's fun. It's a fun show. But I think, I think the Saturday, Friday, Saturday is better, personally.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, it must be nice to be in a place where you can tell your fans not to come on certain nights.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's not what I'm saying.

[Transcript Narrator]

Come Thursday, Friday, any show.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, listen by the Thursday tickets too. But if you have first dibs, I would say as a consumer, typically Saturday, Saturday early is the best show. So we're Saturday late. If it's not Too late. People aren't too drunk. But yeah, that's all I was saying. But thank you for coming to the show in Pittsburgh. That was a great show.

[Caller]

Awesome. But it's all good. Hopefully you're lit. I'm a Gen Z listener and this call is. Is about AI in college. I don't know if pertaining to anything, but I really need advice. So I use AI to pretty much write everything. I use the generators to see like, oh, it's 40 AI generated.

It's 100 AI generated.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn.

[Caller]

Because I feel like teachers probably use that, but I have these long ass people. Paper. Seven page paper.

[Stavros Halkias]

Seven pages is long.

[Caller]

How could I not use AI?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh my.

[Caller]

Let me get to the point.

[Stavros Halkias]

This legit is making me old man yells at Cloud. I really feel like Grandpa Simpson right now. Seven pages is fucking long. Seven double spaced pages. It's not short, but come on, it's not that much work. That's kind of insane.

[Transcript Narrator]

No, we're. We're done. We're cooked.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're so. And look, I get, I empathize, right? Because I remember being in college or even high school and there was like summarized.com or just some random that I would do, but it was so clearly you would get instantly busted if you used it or Cliff Notes or like you know, that existed. And, and I get it. It's tempting to use the shortcut, right? But I just, just you had like me and Elvis are stupid, right? And we could do this easily. Yeah, yeah. I mean Joe. Joe again was get. It was blacking out. He wouldn't even bother even applying for community college.

[Transcript Narrator]

I didn't think about going to college for a single second.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I respect it. And you are right about that. But like you're complaining about doing something like in one generation, essentially right from Millennial to Gen Z. See, we're two dumb guys. Seven pages was not that much. It was a little annoying, but it was not that much work. It's become an insurmountable thing for a lot for these kids that to not use AI, that is scary. So anyway, let's finish what she's saying. But I, you know, I just want to say like we really are and we're essentially cooked here.

[Caller]

Could I not use AI? Anyway, let me get to the point. So I have a paper, seven pages. It's 45 AI generated. That's what it's saying. It's saying 100. Some of these other detectors I use Grammarly. I don't know. Sorry for the free plug, but should I be Paranoid, like, am I gonna get hit with plagiarism and like ruin my life? Or should I also not give a. Because everybody uses it.

[Transcript Narrator]

It.

[Caller]

Everybody uses AI. I see these discussion board questions that all are the exact same essay with the same reference. And like, no one gives a. Like, I don't know what's your opinion?

Because you're definitely not going to answer this in time.

But for future lessons, thank you. Love you guys.

Bye.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, here's my opinion. And back to old man stuff is like, don't even go to college. Then like, you know, go just like, you don't have to go to college. I think college for a lot of people is stupid. The only reason I enjoyed going to college because I met some of my best friends and it was like more of a social thing. And like, you know, I, I was hosting shows at my college and I used it for that stuff. Like, but other like. And it was nice to kind of learn about certain things, you know, that I was interested in. But was it necessary? Even if I wasn't doing comedy, would I have wanted to go to college? Probably not. I probably would have wanted to. Ended up like trying to run my own business or do some other shit. Like, I didn't like the, the jobs that college gives you, I don't think would have been for me. Go to a fucking blue cut, you know, do a jobs training program. Do some other shit. If you're going to college, what is the fucking point of. You're basically robbing yourself here. I hate to sound like literally a fucking parent, but it's like the whole point of going to college is that you, you do the reading, you find references, you learn about the topics and then you have knowledge. It's not to get a grade and get debt. Like the whole point is to actually learn something. And you are, you're sort of robbing yourself of the ability to get the skills that writing an essay gives you. And I will say I'm not, you know, I'm not an academic, whatever, but it actually has helped me in like, you know, like I did some pretty writing heavy stuff. It's helped me to like put together scripts, to think about story, to think about this stuff. I'm sure like all the you do, you know, like getting everything together, get, you know, whatever. Like college kind of helps you do that to even like, you know, produce.

[Elvis]

Yeah, absolutely. I mean, you know, at the very least, even just like finishing it or going. Hitting a deadline teaches you how to like fucking finish something thing.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, I've never Finished anything in my life.

[Elvis]

But yeah, it does. See, I'm assuming she's like talking about, like history or some kind of humanity. And yeah, that's like, that is pretty pointless. If you're gonna, like, do those classes, you might as well just like put in the grunt work and like, you know why, why waste your time being an information manager? Yeah, like doing AI being a middleman.

[Stavros Halkias]

To have compute between two acts apps. You're a middleman between, you know, AI and a word processor.

[Elvis]

Or think about like another major.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, that. Yeah, exactly. Here's where we come down on it. We don't give a. About college. We don't think you need to go to college. We're not your parents. But if you choose to go to college, then actually do the thing. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like paying to go to a amusement park and then hiring a guy to ride the roller coasters for you.

[Transcript Narrator]

Like, that's. This is literally what we're doing. Headache. Yeah, this is the problem. This is what it is. It's like, everyone's like, why would I do that? It's why there's going to be no jobs or anything.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's the whole point.

[Transcript Narrator]

When she graduates, she's going to get a gig. That's just the same thing. You just plug it into AI. We're. I mean, we're.

[Stavros Halkias]

I guess, I mean, maybe that is where maybe this has become training to use AI for a company. But even that, she just said it. Everyone uses the same references. Like, this will be a problem because it's like, it's this stuff, isn't that. And maybe it'll get more sophisticated, whatever. But it's like, yeah, what's the point? That's what I would tell you. You're not. Because you're going to ruin your life. And even this, this shows the problem in this thinking. Because a lot of kids just going to college because they're going through the motions. She's, you're going to college, you think it'll help your life. And the only reason you're afraid of using AI is because you don't want to get caught and it'll ruin your life. That doesn't matter. It's what do you actually want? You're wasting your time if you're using AI for it. And I know it's hard. I've been there. I've literally looked up stuff and I remember the, like, find a good paper. Find somebody's older brother took this class. I got their paper and then I just changed a couple. Like, we all cheat a little bit every once in a while, but it's like, ultimately, what are you doing it for?

[Elvis]

It also, it also should feel, like, gratifying to, like, you know, be dumb, but still, like, come off as smart in the quality of your papers. The workload is heavy, but. But it feels good. Like, to write a paper, you don't really need to read, like, an entire book that you're writing on. You need, like, you know, find the two or three good passages. So, like, really squeeze the juice out of. And you get, like, you know, fill up a hell of pages talking about that. And sure, you could supplement with some, like, book summaries or something that you've read, but I don't know, once you get into, like, a little flow. Yeah, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it's. I just feel bad because she's like, everybody's doing it. And it's like, I'm. Again, we're literally being like old people and be like, well, if everybody jumped off a bridge, would you do it, young lady? But I hate to hit you with that, but unfortunately, it's like, you know, if you're gonna do this, drop out and go to, you know, become a construction worker or a X ray tech or a hair stylist before you just go on AI to get your, you know, answers.

[Transcript Narrator]

But it's gonna be like steroids and baseball. You. You're like, I can't stay in the league if I'm not doing it, because everyone else is doing it.

[Stavros Halkias]

But steroids. And this is like, if everybody use steroids to bat 230, you know what I mean? Like, everyone's using AI to just pass.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Like, I doubt. I doubt that. It's like, you're getting incredible work done with AI. I think most people that are using AI are doing it to just, like, get by or, you know, we all took that. Stu. I had to take a class called Science of Water. Would I have used AI? Because it was. Because it was like a fucking requirement to just write a lab report, you know? Yeah, I fucking would have. And that's even. You know what? I'll even condone that kind of cheating. Cheat on that dumb bullshit where, you know, they make you jump through hoops. But, like, I. I'm glad I didn't have the opportunity to do it on the papers I actually gave a fuck about. You know what I mean? Like, in. In the, you know, poly size shit, in the history shit, in the, like, media study shit. I Did. I liked learning about that stuff. So anyway, whatever.

[Transcript Narrator]

Also, it's two hydrogens, one oxygen.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is. You're right. You got that.

[Transcript Narrator]

I didn't even go to class.

[Stavros Halkias]

What was it? So not. Didn't even think about. What was your. Was that when you're working at Sears where you're like 18?

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, I started working at SE. Well, yeah, I started working at FYE for years and then I went to Nice posters. Yeah. But I just. I. I hated school work. I hated. I hated the having the paper and a thing. And I was like, I'm going to do comedy. Getting out. And I did one open mic a week for two years. Didn't even go to a second video. I was like, I got to hold on. I got a good bite on it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Living at home.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. Yeah, living at home. Every Wednesday, I would drive to Boston and do a five minute set and be like, all right. On any day now, you wonder why I Behind people like, you've been doing 25 years. I'm like, sort of. I did 60 sets my first year. And then people. What would happen was on when I'd go Wednesdays, people be like, how can we never see at the. The Comedy Vault on Sunday?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm like, what Sunday? Well, Wednesday's the day you do comedy. Right.

[Transcript Narrator]

And literally for another full year, I did Sunday and Wednesday. Wednesday.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Transcript Narrator]

I didn't then be like, wait, so is there also Monday? I just. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You were having a good time though, right? Yeah, no.

[Transcript Narrator]

A little bit.

[Stavros Halkias]

What were you doing on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Drinking. Oh, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Going out drinking with like regular high school buddies.

[Stavros Halkias]

With all your FYE money.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. Well, it's horrible. That's. All these kids these days now they can get AI and just make clips and be big.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so true.

[Transcript Narrator]

But whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Couple more here. LD what do you got for us?

[Caller]

What's up? Stuff. What's up, Elvis? And guess I put it out on like the past four times I've called just because I guess Luster ends anyway, so I'm just gonna make it quick. My girlfriend has. Is great. Wonderful. We've been together for a while now. About a year. No real issues she tackled. Has a polyamorous past, which there's nothing wrong with. That does make me a little uncomfortable in the sense of it's just not what I experienced. But I'm like, open to the fact that we all get to the place we're at different ways. That's fine. My thing is he also used to be the mistress, party of affairs or cheating situations. A few times she kind of was drawn to. To the lack of commitment element to it, the kind of scandal of it. And I feel like that makes her kind of an asshole. We brought it up. She says she's, you know, she feels bad about it, but, like, doesn't seem like she feels that bad about it. So my question to you is, do you think that that is a reason to cut things off or be wary or anything like that? Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, Let me know.

[Caller]

I probably just overreacting, but, you know, you never know. Thanks, bro. Adios.

[Stavros Halkias]

This shit's not going to work.

[Transcript Narrator]

I mean, she was married, guys.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, she sounds cool. Sounds like my kind of gal.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, I'd like to get to know her a little.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I would too. But the fact that the polyamorous. He says polyamorous past. She was like, like the like. And obviously. Okay, I'm. I was a little. A little joking, but if I had to bet. Does this work out or not? I don't think so, because you guys just aren't aligned on this stuff. And obviously somebody who used to do this kind of in their past, they can definitely settle down and they can definitely put that behind them or may more than likely. Maybe they settled down with somebody who had a similar past and they understand each other and they're both okay.

[Transcript Narrator]

Or.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or you settle down with someone who's maybe not poly or. But has less attachment, isn't as jealous. The fact that this is something that you're. You a kind of are judging her about it. You know, you're more. You're making a moral judgment and saying she's a piece of shit for doing this. And. And you actually. You don't appreciate the level of atonement she's shown. Like, that's a str from your perspective. You're like, she should feel more bad about this, right? And that's one of your problems. Let alone the fact that clearly in the back of your head you're like, is she cheating on me? Right? That's really the problem is that you're like, this is something that clearly is eating away at you. And that's why I'm skeptical of you being able to figure this out, right? Like, you know, whatever. Make a moral judgment. You can say whatever she. What she did was wrong. Whatever, whatever. And I'm not even saying you're wrong to feel this way, but you do feel this way, right? Like, you do. This is clearly something that's bothering you because what is the solution? You tell her, like, hey, I need to see you cry about being a whore four years ago before we take this to the next level. You know what I mean? Like, there's no real solution. You can't go back and have her unsuck a married guy's for four months in exchange for her a nice sublet or whatever. Or like a fucking used Honda or whatever she was doing, doing. I hope she got the bag. But, you know, this is just something where it already feels like he's like. Even the poly stuff, he was like, yeah, you know, that's not me. But we all get here in different places. It's like he's doing like generalization and like rationalization speak. So I don't know.

[Transcript Narrator]

I think you gotta accept in life, accept people for who they are.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Transcript Narrator]

There's certain people, like, I remember, I don't want to give too much away, but there was a person that had a thing and then this other person did a thing and I was like, are you mad at that person? He's like, no, that's who that person is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

There's a real life lesson, like, you could make this a person you and you like her. And then you know, know that from her past.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

She may not be loyal. Yeah, yeah, true. Have a chick that you're like, I, this chick. But it's never. We're never going to that next level because this is who she is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or be the kind of guy who's like, yeah, if you want to take this to the next level, understand that might happen to you. You.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

By the way, cheating, it is bad, obviously. But it's also. Some couples get over it. Some people can deal with it. And you should just know that is maybe a possibility. And again, people definitely can change, whatever. But we also. I don't feel like I'm getting a clear picture of her because I do feel like we're getting her through his lens. You know what I mean? It's like she might not want to cheat at all anymore. Like, she might legitimately have gotten this out of her system, but it's still something that you are obsessed over. So if you can't accept her, that's a great. Accepting people for who they are is huge. If you can't do that, then yeah, I wouldn't say. You're saying, should I be wary? It's like, you're already wary. What are you talking about? You're clearly wary of the situation. It's like you have to be honest with yourself. And say, can I accept this? Is this the kind of person I want to be with? And if the answer is no, or more. More likely, is this the kind of person. Person that's. It's gonna. I'm gonna be anxious to be with. I'm always gonna be waiting for her to, you know, to cheat or me to find some emails where she's calling me ugly and sucking a guy's dick or whatever. Or something. Something different.

[Elvis]

I also feel like, you know, does this also come down to that? You just never really got that much because that can. That can eat away at you. If you, like, meet a girl that's, like, a lot of. In the past, and then, you know, she settles down and that just makes you feel. That can make you feel like, hey, what the. Like, why? You know, she's been ran through by every guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't even watch the Timberwolves games.

[Elvis]

So it's like, be honest. Is that part of what's going on here?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elvis]

And that's okay, too, if it is. Like, maybe you're both. They sound like they could definitely both be young. And it's like, you know, hey, maybe you just need to sew your wall oats or whatever a little more.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, that's a great point, is like, some people can be with someone who crushes them on body count, right? Some people. It doesn't matter. Them. Some people need to be about equal. Whether that's a ton or that's low. And it's just. And there's. I honestly have no judgment on either way. I think whatever you want to do, however many people you want to, is great. Great. But when you settle down, you have to know what matters to you and make a decision either way. So good luck. She sounds cool. Have her, you know, and maybe have her DM me and I can kind of get her perspective.

[Transcript Narrator]

And then you forward me her number and we'll just be.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because we really want to help you, man, but, you know, just kind of let us get into contact with her and really figure this out. Eldis with a little pr.

[Caller]

Hey, Elis. Hey, G. Yes, I'm going to try to make this quick, but basically me and my boyfriend have been together for a couple months now, and we have really great sex. But the only problem is he lasts kind of long.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whoa.

[Caller]

And it's.

It's something that I'm not really used to.

And like, when.

I mean long. I mean, like, minimum 20 minutes, maximum an hour.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. The whole time.

[Caller]

He doesn't like the best. He's Ever had. And, like, this is the shortest you blast with someone. Like, I don't know. I'm not used to it. I'm used to, like, Max being like. And I don't really know what to do about it. So if you could help, that'd be great. Love you guys.

[Transcript Narrator]

Tell them to get off of antidepressants, guys. Clearly. Clearly on Zoloft or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right.

[Transcript Narrator]

He's fucking for an hour without coming.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, that's. Yeah. Does he bust, like. Yeah, that's a good point. Are there other pharmaceutical things here?

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, something's at play here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is it antidepressants also? I've had it where you take too many dick pills and your dick just stops being connected to you. It's just a hard thing that you might as well be wearing. You might as well be wearing a strap on sometimes. And it takes like. Like a while of fucking to nut. Is he taking dick pills? Is he taking antidepressants? If he's just a guy who lasts this long, that's nuts also for you. If it's too much, you can be like, you know, I think, shit, sorry. No, it's all good. You could say, like, hey, you know, rail me till I nut. And then maybe, you know, maybe it's time to, you know. Because usually the problem is you can't stay hard. I've had this happen when I'm not. I'm not hard. So it's like we for a while and then it's like, all right, well, why don't I just beat off with your tits in my mouth and I'll nut that way. Maybe you need to do something like, hey, man, an hour of intercourse is too much for me. Like, it's rare that it happens because the guy lasts too long. But it's like, just because this guy's dick is hard for an hour doesn't mean you have to him for an hour if you don't want to.

[Transcript Narrator]

You know, I used to have. Because I. Years ago, I was on Paxel when I dated the girl I was talking about earlier, and I just couldn't come. So I would just tell her, like, it's not you, it's me. I'm on this mental met. It's a side effect.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

And we'll as long as you want. And then I'll just crank my. And I'd be all blistered up and bleeding and. But I'm not going to just rail on a woman for 30 minutes. It's not. That's not what it's meant for. Of course your will be destroyed. Especially have a huge but. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't for 20 minutes. Minutes minimum. 60 minutes max.

[Stavros Halkias]

Minimum is nuts.

[Transcript Narrator]

You're in the Seinfeld porn.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Yeah. I mean, could you do other. Like, it is funny because usually this is a problem the opposite way, where a woman takes an hour to come or whatever.

[Transcript Narrator]

Right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's like in that. In that setup, what you do is some foreplay. You switch it up, you do different stuff. You suck, you finger, you. You know what I mean? You take a little break in the middle, whatever. Maybe you should do this where it's like you control the amount of intercourse because it's too much for you. And then you just kind of do other stuff and help him nut in other ways. But, you know, you don't have to feel like you have to do. And then also, I don't know, is there, like, stuff to make you nut faster? Yeah, because I know they have, like, numbing gels to make you not nut, but there's got to be some. Maybe put some up his ass.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah. Try to surprise. I feel like I come the best in fat. I've been in a relationship for a time. Long, long time. When I'm surprised by something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

Like, she'll be like, oh, God, she's got a dick. My ass. I like coming my ass. Just say something you haven't said before and he'll be like, whoa, Jesus. You know, throw him off.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, switch up the routine. I mean, this definitely feels like it's something medical, though. Otherwise, this man's a marvel, a marvel of science. And also the thing of, like, the best he's ever had. All that stuff's great, but it's like you also. Sometimes you can't, you know, Every time can't be the best time. You know what I mean? Especially in a relationship. It's like you can't have your best perform. Sometimes it's just got to be like, you know, not every game is game seven. Sometimes it's a regular season. You just got to get through it, you know? I mean, you don't have to bring your best stuff every time. That can be a little, you know, that can be a little tiring. And I think that's probably where you guys are at. You've got to make the transition from the. That honeymoon period of a relationship where the. The sex is insane to something a little more sustainable here, I think, but.

[Transcript Narrator]

And it's possible you're ugly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right. Are you busted is your up. We haven't even considered that.

[Transcript Narrator]

You could just be a hideous human. And. And he hates you. It could be like, my girlfriend was with me, right? Loves everything about just unattractive, gross looking.

[Stavros Halkias]

God keeps getting snagged on her.

[Elvis]

Yeah, I do wonder if he's secretly taking dick pills too, because they've only been dating for a couple months. You know, that seems like a habit that just could with after you're, like, off the market or something. And yeah, he could be like, well, this is still pretty new. I still got to bring my A game to the so.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. I know that the bait and switch.

[Elvis]

But how do you even ask that to someone who's, like, been secretly like you with dick pills for, like, months?

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I don't think we need to cast judgment on a man like that. You know, I think it's like. I don't. I don't even say secretly. Makes it sound surreptitious. The man has pharmaceutical needs. Would you say secretly taking Advil if he has a headache? Eldis, I think you're kind of. You're kind of being pretty rude to the ed community here.

[Transcript Narrator]

Let's say, are you like 32 years old?

[Stavros Halkias]

Huh?

[Transcript Narrator]

Are you like 32?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm 36 and I'm obese, thank you very much. All right, I'll throw them in the mix when I really want a nice performance.

[Transcript Narrator]

I've never had a single boner problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

Very good for you.

[Transcript Narrator]

Even when I was drinking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, it's all scabbed up.

[Transcript Narrator]

Same. Yeah, no, it's a mess, but same woman, 14 years. Hard as a rock man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, some of us are really fat and secretly gay. Is that what you want to hear?

[Transcript Narrator]

Well, I am fit and secretly gay and clip it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyway, so. Yeah, whatever. Have. Can you have a. But I think. I think in the middle of that, we gave you good advice before going off the deep end. So.

[Transcript Narrator]

About how ugly you are.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. No, you sound hot.

[Amica Insurance Representative]

Every day, our world gets a little more connected, but a little further apart. But then there are moments that remind us to be more human.

[Caller]

Thank you for calling Amica Insurance.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, I was just in an accident.

[Transcript Narrator]

Don't worry.

[Caller]

We'll get you taken care of.

[Amica Insurance Representative]

At Ameca, we understand that looking out for each other is. Isn't new or groundbreaking. It's human. Amica. Empathy is our best policy.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Transcript Narrator]

No purchase necessary VGW Group void. We're prohibited by law 21/ terms and conditions apply. I think I only got time for one more. I gotta go get back to the baby. My wife hates me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, please. Something to go out on here.

[Elvis]

Yeah. This is a woman calling in with some insight to a call we got on Mark Norman's episode. It was the guy who was like obsessed with making girls come every single time he. So here's what one listener has to say.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's hear it from her. Hey, Sc.

[Caller]

First time, long time. I just had a pause. I'm listening to the Mark Normand episode and he just finished the question from the guy who was like, why can't I get these girls to come? And his energy was kind of off about it. I just want to just throw in my 2 cents here. I am not a comer. I love sex.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love sex. Not a. I'm hard. Come pause this. You gotta tip your hat to women, by the way. Like, it's like sometimes you go, the girl, she's like, look, it's hard. Sorry. Don't. Like you'll be eating for 20 minutes. Like, hey, it's all good. This is not your fault. I just don't. And it's like insane for me. Imagine if you didn't nut I'd be like, well, I'm never going outside, but I'm gonna watch games. Oh, yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

I was this guy. I'm telling you.

[Stavros Halkias]

You still wanted to.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, because it's awesome to. I guess I always said I'm like, the is great coming. Is not nice, but wonderful.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pretty good.

[Transcript Narrator]

It's great, but like is pretty good too.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right. You're right.

[Transcript Narrator]

Licking a hot wet or a vagina. Please cut that.

[Stavros Halkias]

We'll put this into the thing we cut out earlier.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, perfect.

[Stavros Halkias]

I got you. Okay, let's let her finish. Let's let her finish.

[Transcript Narrator]

She can't.

[Caller]

Something I think is an important, you know, factor to add in to what you guys are talking about. I've been on antidepressants for 15 years. Like, it's gonna take a lot to get me to come.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And when I'm having sex with a guy for the first time seeing how they handle the fact that I'm not gonna come is sort of really a good vibe to like, obviously if it's a one night stand or whatever, it's different. But if someone's super fixated on it and they can't, like, trust me when I say no, like, actually I'm. I'm good. I'm having fun in other ways. That's gonna be like the number one turn off. So I just, I just wanted to add that in there. Love the show. Love you guys. Have a good one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Transcript Narrator]

How many female listeners you have? It's so nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is nice. Shout out to our female listeners. We have like three and they've all transitioned. Probably they all got into you when they were like 14 year old dudes that didn't get pussy. Like, well, this is what I'm gonna stick around.

[Transcript Narrator]

They're male women.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, they're your male. Yeah. You're trying to get bukhaki by them. Yeah, that's. I think that's good. And I remember that guy's call because he was weird about it. And there are guys that are like that, that are like, I gotta make her come. It's almost like a little. He needs a little checklist on his own. And I think the best thing when a woman tells you she has trouble is like, give it. Give it a good effort, but don't not, you know, make it seem like you tried as hard as you would. Like you don't hear that and be like, great, I don't have to try at all. Give it the same effort you would anybody else. And then if it's not happening, you know, that's. You have. You have clearance to just nut really fast, you know, because that's. That's my style of lovemaking is let's do our best to make the girl come. And then once that's been checked off, all right, time to bust hysterically quick. Time to get pussy and just nut in five minutes.

[Transcript Narrator]

I've just never cared if the woman comes. What the fuck do I care?

[Stavros Halkias]

Clip it.

[Transcript Narrator]

Yeah, Joe, why would I give a fuck about anything a woman thinks or feels?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I'm supposed. Oh, I guess I gotta care if the urinal's happy. I'm pissing in it too.

[Transcript Narrator]

No, we got a. Get a vibrator and whatever the. Sure, sure, you know, who do I care?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, just listen, do your best. If a girl tells you she can't nut, don't take it personal. That's going to do it for us, folks. This is probably our most immediately censored episode of maybe we'll have to. We. We should maybe also put this on the Patreon when it gets demonetized.

[Transcript Narrator]

Plug my special crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm saying after. Let's. Let's have the unabridged version where you can see all the. We might have to bleep out a couple CS here and there.

[Transcript Narrator]

Oh, I see. First time we said C, you said.

[Stavros Halkias]

It when you said you said it on your special. We'll bleep it here too, though. It doesn't matter.

[Transcript Narrator]

Let's.

[Elvis]

Let's also. Let's also plug the Patreon. We started putting all the apps on there too, by the way.

[Stavros Halkias]

Some have complained that we're getting too. That we're advertising. It's like it's a free show, dickheads. How do you think we're supposed to make this happen? So, yeah, we're. We're advertising. But if you are a beloved Patreon subscriber, it's not more money. It's the same five bucks and change that we charge for everything. We've also started putting the ad free episodes for our patrons on there. So if you subscribe to the Patreon, you get a bonus episode every week. Week. And then you get these episodes with all the ads cut out and all the curses left in. So all the good stuff. So, yeah, that's true. We should start promoting. It's so funny, dude. We did a tour and we forgot to promote the dates on my own podcast. We just.

[Transcript Narrator]

I've done that.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's so. We're so stupid.

[Elvis]

We plugged it like three or four.

[Stavros Halkias]

And those. All the ones we plugged did much better, by the way, than the ones we didn't. Whatever. We're dumb, I guess. Let's plug the fact I'm coming to the uk, that we're coming to Boston, your hometown. I'll be there there, and I'll be in Austin as well. And we're adding some shows to the Dreamboat tour. Me and Nel just want to do a grimy one in the fall where we just get like a minivan and go through the south because we did all these theaters. We want to go do shitty clubs.

[Transcript Narrator]

That sounds fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

So we'll see. We're Stay, stay, stay posted for that. And of course, go watch Small Ball. We've. We've already linked it. We've already plugged it. We'll share it on everything. And Joe's one of the. You truly, truly one of the funniest comics in the world. And you guys are gonna love the new special.

[Transcript Narrator]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

See you next time, guys. Bye. Bye.

[Amica Insurance Representative]

Every day, our world gets a little more connected, but a little, little further apart. But then there are moments that remind us to be more human.

[Caller]

Thank you for calling Amica Insurance.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, I was just in an accident.

[Transcript Narrator]

Don't worry.

[Caller]

We'll get you taken care of.

[Amica Insurance Representative]

At Amica, we understand that looking out for each other isn't new or groundbreaking. It's human. Amica, empathy is our best policy.

[Transcript Narrator]

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[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna make him an offer here we can't refuse. With family, cannolis and spins mean everything.

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[Stavros Halkias]

In the family business?

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