#141 - Alyssa Limperis and JP McDade

Summary

Stavvy's World - Episode #141: Alyssa Limperis and JP McDade

Release Date: August 11, 2025

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1. Welcoming Guests and Sharing Personal Stories (01:12 - 20:42)

In this episode of Stavvy's World, host Stavros Halkias welcomes two special guests, Alyssa Limperis and JP McDade, setting the stage for an engaging conversation filled with personal anecdotes and cultural insights.

Alyssa Limperis reminisces about her childhood, sharing a fond memory of a "finished basement" that was more of an aesthetic façade rather than a functional space:

Alyssa Limperis [02:18]: "Growing up, I had a window in my basement that was beautiful. Curtains and... Not a window."

JP McDade adds humorously to the discussion about their diverse backgrounds and living situations:

JP McDade [01:22]: "I have outnumbered myself."

The trio delves into the nuances of suburban life, particularly focusing on the quintessential Fourth of July celebrations:

Stavros Halkias [03:09]: "It's the most suburbs holiday there possibly is. Big backyard, shitty grill you bought from Home Depot. You can't wear Bubba's burgers."

They further explore the dynamics of shared living spaces, joking about their Greek heritage and the challenges of maintaining order in chaotic environments.

2. Navigating Family Traditions and Personal Growth (20:43 - 45:18)

Transitioning from light-hearted banter, the conversation shifts to deeper topics such as family expectations and personal development. Stavros Halkias opens up about his relationship with his family, particularly highlighting the role of George, a family friend and health czar:

Stavros Halkias [08:25]: "He's a loose affiliate of the podcast. He came on tour with us. He's just my friend."

Alyssa Limperis shares her personal experience dealing with grief and stress, emphasizing the importance of self-care:

Alyssa Limperis [14:37]: "But she keeps trying to make the case that this is her favorite option and that this is the one that we're sticking with. I don't know how much longer I can."

The discussion touches upon the balance between honoring cultural traditions and forging one's own path, particularly in the context of coping with loss and moving forward.

3. Listener Calls: Relationship Advice Segment (50:32 - 106:56)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to listener calls, where Stavros, Alyssa, and JP offer advice on various relationship dilemmas.

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a. Dating Someone with a Felony Charge (50:32 - 58:53)

A caller presents a predicament about dating someone who has a felony charge from three years ago but has since turned his life around through sobriety and therapy.

Caller 1 [50:32]:

"We've been seeing each other for about a month, and I just found out that he has a felony charge. Personally, it's a little bit hot that he has the charge. But also, the charge is deeply troubling."

Stavros Halkias [51:23]:

"This is a classic scenario where you don't want to judge a person with a past, but you also need to feel comfortable in the relationship."

JP McDade [51:41]:

"Have a conversation about your comfort levels and decide if his past affects your trust and future together."

Alyssa Limperis [55:15]:

"It's a safety thing. You need to assess how deeply troubling the charge is and its implications on your relationship."

The trio emphasizes the importance of personal comfort, open communication, and understanding the context of the past actions before making a decision.

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b. Contraception Issues Causing Pain (58:53 - 104:25)

Another caller seeks advice on dealing with his girlfriend's painful experience with a contraception device, which hampers their sexual relationship.

Caller 2 [58:53]:

"My wife got a new contraception device that causes pain during intercourse. How can I switch this conversation with her so she understands it's a real problem?"

Stavros Halkias [70:14]:

"You need to address this directly with her, perhaps suggest exploring different contraception options together."

Alyssa Limperis [75:56]:

"Recognize that her experience with the device might involve significant pain and discuss alternative methods that work for both of you."

JP McDade [84:43]:

"Encourage her to consult with a healthcare professional to explore more comfortable and effective contraception methods."

The advice centers on empathy, open communication, and collaborative problem-solving to ensure both partners' needs are met.

---

c. Pressure of Arranged Marriage from Immigrant Family (74:23 - 90:51)

A Miami-based caller grapples with his immigrant parents arranging a marriage between him and another family's daughter without his consent.

Caller 3 [80:24]:

"My parents, who are older and conservative immigrants, are trying to arrange a marriage for me with a girl they've recently become acquainted with. I've never encountered this before and it's making me uncomfortable."

Stavros Halkias [86:16]:

"This feels like an old-world con. You need to assert your independence and communicate your discomfort clearly."

Alyssa Limperis [87:21]:

"Set boundaries with your parents and express your desire to choose your own partner based on personal connection rather than arranged expectations."

JP McDade [94:47]:

"It's essential to stand firm in your decisions and seek support from friends or community members who respect your autonomy."

The panel advises maintaining personal autonomy, setting clear boundaries, and questioning the ulterior motives behind such arrangements to safeguard personal happiness and well-being.

4. Lighthearted Banter and Closing Remarks (106:56 - End)

As the episode draws to a close, Stavros, Alyssa, and JP engage in playful banter, referencing popular culture and personal anecdotes. They also address additional caller questions with their trademark humor and candidness.

Alyssa Limperis [112:56]:

"But if you're not comfortable, you need to prioritize your well-being."

JP McDade [115:02]:

"Maybe consider role-playing scenarios to address the issues in your relationship."

Stavros Halkias [116:35]:

"In any relationship, if certain aspects make you uncomfortable, it's essential to communicate and address them openly."

The episode concludes with expressions of gratitude towards guests and listeners, highlighting upcoming projects and encouraging audience engagement.

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Notable Quotes

• Stavros Halkias [03:09]:

  "It's the most suburbs holiday there possibly is. Big backyard, shitty grill you bought from Home Depot. You can't wear Bubba's burgers."

• Alyssa Limperis [14:37]:

  "But she keeps trying to make the case that this is her favorite option and that this is the one that we're sticking with. I don't know how much longer I can."

• Caller's Dilemma on Arranged Marriage [86:16]:

  "This feels like an old-world con."

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Conclusion

Episode #141 of Stavvy's World offers a blend of humorous and heartfelt discussions, enriched by personal stories and listener interactions. Stavros Halkias, alongside Alyssa Limperis and JP McDade, navigates complex relationship challenges with empathy, humor, and practical advice, making it a relatable and engaging listen for a diverse audience.

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Note: Advertisements and promotional segments have been omitted from this summary to focus solely on the core content of the episode.

Transcript

[Stavros Halkias]

Folks, we have an incredible episode coming up right now with two of my favorites. JP McDade, of course, and Alyssa in Paris. But first, I want to let you know I'm coming. I'm on the road again. London, our first show sold out on September 6th. We have added a show September 7th. Tickets for that are going fast. Go get your tickets. Dublin, those are almost sold out as well. That's September 12th. So London on the September 7th. Dublin, September 12th. Get your tickets. Almost a month. A little. A little over a month away. And then the rest of the tour is unfortunately sold out in the uk. But I am coming to America and we are starting that tour off November 6th in Memphis, Tennessee. We have a whole bunch of other dates coming up throughout the South. Check out Stavi Biz for those. And of course I want to highlight Austin, Texas on November 22nd and Boston on December 13th. So we're see you there. Stavi Biz for all the tour dates. And without further ado, let's start the show. Welcome Everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We've got a power couch today. We're double Greeked up.

[Alyssa Lim]

I can't even.

[Stavros Halkias]

Alyssa Lim, Paris, the Opa, the background, the music.

[Alyssa Lim]

It's Sunday. It feels so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't you feel powerful right now?

[JP McDade]

I have outnumbered myself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[JP McDade]

This is a mistake.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think we have two Greeks. We have our Albanian servant in the corner shoving everything up. And then we have an out of place Irishman.

[JP McDade]

They're trying to restore order to this chaotic environment.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, that's probably good.

[JP McDade]

That'll probably do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. We don't need your fucking Catholic vibes. Everything up.

[Alyssa Lim]

Even this, like. Is this a joke? Like, to me, I'm like, that's beautiful.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, I know because I do think this is over the top. But I'm also like, I would love to have a painting of the ocean, of course. Like those corny. Like those corny. Like there's a window and drapes blowing in the paintings.

[Alyssa Lim]

Of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

I see that. I'm like, yeah, that's right.

[Alyssa Lim]

My art. Right. I don't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I want to look at that and pretend I'm on the beach.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

How about this? Growing up, I had a window in my basement that was beautiful. Curtains and. Not a window.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not a window. Fake out. Really?

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just for the aesthetic of what it was just on the wall.

[Alyssa Lim]

So, yeah. Full concrete. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's awesome. Was that your. Was those your chambers or was that like a hangout room?

[Alyssa Lim]

The hangout room. A finished basement.

[JP McDade]

Finished ping pong table.

[Alyssa Lim]

We, you know, we had a pingpong table that you could take off and become a pool table.

[Stavros Halkias]

Legit. I mean, that's incredible. Yeah, that's like. That's the convertible.

[Alyssa Lim]

The convertible.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's gold star suburban basement.

[Alyssa Lim]

I was thinking, cuz I live in LA now and I'm like, I miss. Do you guys have basements here? Like, do you guys ever find yourself in a finished basement?

[JP McDade]

No, not here. Not.

[Stavros Halkias]

The basement is a complete. Like I will say the two things. This came up recently because it's summertime. It was fourth of July. The things the suburbs crushed New York on. Without question, it's fourth of July.

[Alyssa Lim]

Absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's the most suburbs holiday there possibly is. Big backyard, shitty grill you bought from Home Depot. You can't wear Bubba's burgers. You know what I mean? Shitty burgers.

[JP McDade]

Lake house is a number one.

[Alyssa Lim]

Well guys, I gotta tell you something crazy. Auntie Linda, if you're watching. Yeah, Linda, I was in Lake Winnipesaukee for 4th of July with Bubba's burgers.

[Stavros Halkias]

You need Bubbas. You need. You need burgers that come from, you know, a. A grocery.

[JP McDade]

A huge Hawaiian roll.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's not a grocery. A stop huge.

[Alyssa Lim]

Or I think you're going Sam's. I mean I'm getting six pack. I'm getting Bubbas for me only.

[Stavros Halkias]

But Bubba's is the only thing that comes in bulk at a supermarket. You know, like that.

[Alyssa Lim]

It's like they, they have.

[Stavros Halkias]

They've made some kind of special arrangements.

[JP McDade]

You get the styrofoam explicitly non biodegradable cooler from the top of the aisle.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. It. So it crushes like fourth of July. They just shouldn't even do it in New York.

[Alyssa Lim]

No, I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's kind of. It's like don't even do fireworks. No show like a.

[JP McDade]

In fact, Fallujah. When the fireworks are going off scary.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're like, it provides cover for a terrorist attack. Like it provides cover. Like all fireworks. You'd be like, oh, nothing. And then you find out, oh, it's. That was actually the Empire State Building. It was actually. Somebody blew it up. And so I. And then you. You're 100, right? We're like the finished basement.

[Alyssa Lim]

It's just.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the extra sliding door.

[JP McDade]

Sliding door to this. The finished basement.

[Alyssa Lim]

The. Now hold on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Sliding.

[JP McDade]

Because the yard slopes.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the side room. That's the den. The sliding door is for the den.

[JP McDade]

There's that.

[Stavros Halkias]

The basement has to have its own entrance.

[Alyssa Lim]

For me, the basement, in order to get out again, we had the concrete window. You had to go up the bulkhead.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like that too. I like that too. Those weird fucked up doors where you're like, what is going on? Am I. Am I battening down the.

[JP McDade]

You're emerging like the twister is gone and now.

[Alyssa Lim]

Exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or you come in through the garage. That's a big one.

[JP McDade]

It makes a screech, screeching noise.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's really scary to go.

[Alyssa Lim]

Always cobwebs.

[JP McDade]

It's made out.

[Stavros Halkias]

But there has to be. There. The magic of the finished basement is that weird stairway where it's like you're coming into Narnia.

[Alyssa Lim]

Exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where it's like they finished everything but the stair. For some reason, the stairway is still unfinished.

[JP McDade]

Two by fours.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And then you go down. And then the second your feet hit carpet.

[Alyssa Lim]

You're paradise. And of course, what a. What a memory of just. You hear footsteps and you know bagel bites are coming. You hear footsteps and you know, I'm getting the appetizer platter.

[JP McDade]

The Pavlovian footsteps.

[Alyssa Lim]

Exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

When those footsteps change, that's when you know you're becoming an adult. Exactly Is when those footsteps start becoming a warning.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where it's like, okay, fuck, put away the, you know. Oh, get the. We have to throw away the boof. We're smoking weed down here. Throw away the beer. You know, if you were cooler. Stop fingering. We didn't do a lot of finger in our basements, me and Eldest. But if you were cool, you know, I wasn't fingering.

[Alyssa Lim]

But I will say that I. That I didn't heed the warning once. And it led to a. It led to. I just remember driving to school the next day with my dad. Stone cold silence the entire ride. And then as we're maybe a minute away from Catholic school. You know, sometimes men don't have the best intentions. That's all I remember. And then we never talked about it again. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

How old were you? What are we talking, high school?

[JP McDade]

Gotta be sneak in situation. Like you're just not there.

[Alyssa Lim]

So. Yeah, but.

[JP McDade]

But you held onto the grenade for too long.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got greedy.

[Alyssa Lim]

I got greedy.

[Stavros Halkias]

You heard the creaking and you didn't get going.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, for me it was like, oh, pause. The Dreamcast. Yeah, there was no.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[JP McDade]

No basis for Being hit of any kind.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, but we would. We. I mean, you had a. You were the closest guy to a basement because. I'm sorry, beep that out. The mysterious and elusive Big P had a basement, but his was Big P. But we're. We're in shitty like Greek town townhouses, so. That was.

[Alyssa Lim]

Beautiful.

[Stavros Halkias]

It wasn't. It wasn't the same as the suburban finished basement, but it was still. The way his was set up was the closest we had to it. But you had a very. You had the unfinished. You had the like.

[JP McDade]

Oh, you guys were playing dice in the basement.

[Stavros Halkias]

That really what the unfinished basement really was. Like, you just. You like chug quickly down there.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not a place for hanging out. No, I stored my couch in your. Remember I just stored a couch in your parents basement for like three years.

[Eldis]

That would have been a great basement for like a piece of shit kid. Like, who, Like I was too much of a loser.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you were reading fucking Madame Bovary.

[Eldis]

In your like shitty couches down there. It was like rife for getting like, you know, completely trashed and no one would have cared or noticed. But I smoked weed down there once. I drank down there like once or twice. It's pretty whack.

[Stavros Halkias]

But yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. It was like you completely wasted the basement.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're a piece of for that.

[Eldis]

Well, you know, what can you say?

[Stavros Halkias]

Straight George, Another. A friend. Another Greek member of the P.O. he's. He's a loose affiliate of the podcast. He came on tour with us. He's just my friend. He has no health. He was our health czar because he was fat, as in college when we met and now he's not. So I was like, those are the qualifications for working for me. He's like, can you just make sure I don't eat too many burgers? Can you just be somebody to guilt me? Because if me and Eldis are left to our own devices, it's going to be tough.

[Alyssa Lim]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

JP is an ignite. He's Switzerland.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's like a UN Peacekeeper. He's just. He's just there to like write down the atrocities. Someone else will deal with them. He's not stopping them. Right.

[JP McDade]

I'm not intervening.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, he's not intervening.

[JP McDade]

I'm going to serve and report.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're observing. You're observing for Nuremberg later. But like. Right, but you're. You won't stop what's happening.

[JP McDade]

You know how like Target will let you shoplift until you reach like a. A misdemeanor amount. That's what I'm doing with.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Like, if we started ordering, like party catering trays for ourselves, JP would be like, all right, fellas, how about just a 24 each pack of wings instead of the. The jumbo pack? But that's as much as you can.

[JP McDade]

Step in like a. Like a Uncut gems and be like, I stopped the bet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

I stopped the delivery of the party sub to the back of the bus for just stopping Eldis.

[Stavros Halkias]

But. But yes, but George had. He had a side room with the sliding door. We called it the wfr, the Winter Fuck Room. Because it had. Because it had like. It felt very winter. It was like dark wood. It was like, you know.

[Alyssa Lim]

You guys fucking in high school?

[Stavros Halkias]

No. No, I was not.

[Alyssa Lim]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

But. But I think he literally had one friend who, like, used it to fuck when his dad was away. And so it became the. The winter and it was in winter. I think.

[Alyssa Lim]

That'S all my high school friends. They said, my. I have a girl in my phone. Lily Banana. Yeah, I don't remember. It's like she probably one day had a banana for lunch and now 20 years later, it's Liz. I don't even know her last name. She's one of my closest friends.

[Stavros Halkias]

Lily Banana. Yeah, but he had that. And he had a basement.

[Alyssa Lim]

God damn near the double.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, the double. Which was living in absolute luxury.

[Alyssa Lim]

Right. It's almost too much. Life is going to be a sharp drop off.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, and then it got taken away. You know, I don't want to go too much into his family dying. I don't want to speak out of them, but it's like, you know, it just. So there were some changes happening and we lost both of those spaces, it seems like.

[JP McDade]

Both seem like spaces that a stray uncle would find himself when he falls on hard times.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, dude, absolutely. I literally. That's another place I just lived in when he let. When he moved out of his father's house. I had an internship near there and I just lived there for a summer. Like, this is. This is the kind of. In Greek, obviously, Greek hospitality. Of course, suburban Greek hospitality is next level. I was eating his snacks. We had to have a talking tube because I kept taking his spoons and eating yogurts in my car and just leaving. Like, his dad had to ask him to ask me to bring back the silverware I was stealing unbeknownst, just because I was having too many of his yogurts.

[JP McDade]

This has been corroborated, too. This is a deep. Some deep Lore.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's great, because I do feel like that's like, that was a man who said that because, like, it's like the mother version is like, stavros, I bought you 24.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't worry about it.

[Alyssa Lim]

You take a new one every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He wasn't charging me anything. Like, it got to the point where I'm like, I'm also. I'm living there for free. I'm eating a good amount of his snacks. Right. Like, it was never talked about, but he had such a bounty.

[Alyssa Lim]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

That it was just like, he's one of those guys that, you know, when parents. It takes them 10 years to realize their children moved out. He was shopping. Like, he still had adolescent. Two adolescent boys in the house, and they both moved out. So there's so many Costco treats.

[Alyssa Lim]

And you were.

[Stavros Halkias]

You were serving a purpose, and I was. I was. You know, they're going to waste.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it got to the point where I was also costing him silver, where I think he was right.

[Alyssa Lim]

The silverware, the hardware. That. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was the final straw. But he was cool about it. He. You know, and now he likes to laugh about how the. The air. The summer we were roommates, you know, now. Now he likes to. Now it's font. You know, it's a fond.

[JP McDade]

You were like. Like parasite. You were just in the basement.

[Stavros Halkias]

I kind of was, dude. I kind of. I truly was because I was broke as at the time. And it was a really nice. They lived in some nice burbs, so I really felt like the guy hiding in the walls when I lived there. 100. Yeah. So you. So we're talking. And this is suburban Massachusetts. Where we at.

[Alyssa Lim]

Massachusetts. Right on the border of Rhode Island. Lived with my grandparents.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Alyssa Lim]

You had that love that the add on.

[Stavros Halkias]

My grandma lived in. I shared a wall with my grandma. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Massachusetts.

[Stavros Halkias]

We had this. We had the. We had the city. Trap City. Poor version of what you're describing.

[Alyssa Lim]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, where it's like, there's no addition. There's just my brother share a room and she gets her own room.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah. Right, right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And. But I literally shared.

[JP McDade]

It would have been funnier. Yeah. If one of you shares the room with the grammar.

[Alyssa Lim]

I'll tell you.

[Stavros Halkias]

My cousin did. Oh, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. You first. My girl. Cousin, when she lived with us. Share the room.

[Alyssa Lim]

J.P. catholic. He's like, I've never hugged my grand. Oh, my God.

[JP McDade]

She hit me with a shillelagh for approaching.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

It was a beautiful moment. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

So Were you, like, applying powders to your grandma's feet in the bedroom?

[Alyssa Lim]

It was great.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Alyssa Lim]

Okay. So my grandma passed away.

[JP McDade]

Nice rip. Sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Does that feel good, man?

[JP McDade]

I'm just trying to paint a picture now.

[Alyssa Lim]

So my yaya and papu moved in. Yaya got sick. She passed away. My papu was there, and I. Okay, this is I, when my yaya passed away. Was in the hospital. Woke up the next day, couldn't walk. Got a.

[Stavros Halkias]

You couldn't walk?

[Alyssa Lim]

I couldn't walk. I got a staph infection.

[JP McDade]

What?

[Alyssa Lim]

From the hospital.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whoa.

[Alyssa Lim]

Couldn't walk. And then.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is it possible she was haunting you? It's impossible. She heard about what's going on in that basement, too. And the kid wasn't Greek.

[Alyssa Lim]

He was not. He was not. No, that man was not.

[Stavros Halkias]

She was like, I'm shutting you down below the waist also, until you get a Greek boyfriend. This is my one wish. I asked of God, when you get to heaven, he gives you one wish. This is what I used it on.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, that guy. Also, I remember honked when it was time for me to get cut.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the parents.

[Alyssa Lim]

So, you know, she was like, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, he's not.

[JP McDade]

Like, a plan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, yeah, we gotta go to Sonic. You gotta jack me off while we're in the Sonic drive through.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And so then, basically, I couldn't walk, so I couldn't go up the stairs. So I ended living with my grandpa, but we were each in twin beds and he snored.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, like, like a 50s sitcom married.

[Alyssa Lim]

Couple that I would have to, like, rush to get to. Like, I just remember. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Because if I didn't get to sleep before him, I was.

[JP McDade]

Yes.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

How long did that take?

[Alyssa Lim]

I think it was a month. I think it was about a month.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's insane. That's.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah. My papa papu, Spiro. Spike. Yeah, he was great. Loved him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Great name.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Spikes. That's. That's fun.

[Alyssa Lim]

Isn't that fun?

[Stavros Halkias]

Speedo to Spike. And then did you venture to the.

[JP McDade]

Couch at any point you, like, say this, I'm gonna go try and sleep in another room.

[Alyssa Lim]

I feel like when you're a kid, you don't. Like, I 100% should have. It's like, why was I not in a couch? Why was I not in the basement? Like, there were so many other places. Oh, I guess basement. I would have had to do stairs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right?

[Alyssa Lim]

But no, as a kid, you're like, okay, my parents said, this is my room.

[Stavros Halkias]

I Think it's because they're like, well, what am I gonna put sheets on the couch every day? Let her sleep. Let her sleep in her recently deceased grandmother. It's like you also have to deal with it.

[Alyssa Lim]

It gets so much darker, dude. Then those pushed back together and then my dad died in that bed.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got to burn the bed. Is it not. Maybe it's the best.

[Alyssa Lim]

Maybe it's the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe the bed's got to go.

[Alyssa Lim]

You know, it's like, yeah, you should.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sue the IKEA Corporation.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

These two. Whatever Malms have ruined have ruined my family.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. Yeah, I mean, that's. Please tell me those are incinerated.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, they're gone.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're not still around.

[Alyssa Lim]

Actually, honestly, they probably are. There's a new family living in there. I hope they're well.

[JP McDade]

That's an A24. Keeps going from house.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I hope they're well.

[Alyssa Lim]

But that's such a Greek thing too. Like it's a good bed. We're not. And I think it was my Auntie Ethel's bed. I don't even think it was ours. It was like it came from our other.

[Stavros Halkias]

So she's the one who wronged the gypsy.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she. She was like, I gotta get. The only way to do is to transfer to a blood relative. That's the only way to get rid of the curse. It's like, come on, guys, take.

[Alyssa Lim]

It's a beautiful bed, Flanagan. Come on.

[Stavros Halkias]

This thing's nice. She's just. What have I done? She's in her car, she's driving away from the U Haul and being. Oh God, I don't deserve it. Goodbye, Betty.

[Alyssa Lim]

Goodbye, Spike. Oh, yeah, but that is. Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The sharing. The. Yeah, the sharing is my. My cousin because we had. She came to Lewis for a while because my aunt passed away. Are you happy, jp? Are you happy for bringing. For starting this whole thing where we have to talk about. We have to talk about all the tragedies in our lives because of you.

[JP McDade]

All off me.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I Hope you're happy, McDade. Coming in, seeing all this Mediterranean bonding. You feel left out.

[JP McDade]

So you see me going around Greekly weeping about this just Cuz some of us can shove it down a little better than others. Don't take it out on me. Yeah, I've been seeing open caskets of family members since age 9. There's nothing you can say. All right?

[Stavros Halkias]

You're at the. You're at the wake where they have him on a pool table like cops.

[JP McDade]

Now Nana's gonna Look a little different.

[Stavros Halkias]

But she saw our cousin. We had a custody thing, and our cousin came to live with us for a while, and she's like a little girl who just has to sleep in the same bed as her grandmother. And then she came back and lived with us again. She. She. She lived. She worked. She traveled a lot for work. And then for. And then she decided to move back to the air. She moved to D.C. instead of Baltimore. She got a job there, and there was, like, a transitional couple months. Whereas a grown woman, she came back, and we all lived at that. It was the last time we all lived at the house together. And she just was 25 or whatever. Just like, all right. Time to sleep in bed with my grandmother. This is my room. Like, it's like. It's Ellis Island. Like, we. Like, we really lived there. That was the period. Damn. We really. There was like, six months where it was tenement style. It was like, my two brothers back from. Like. Like, one was back from college, one still lived there. I had got. I. It was like the. I guess it was the year before. I. I don't remember. After college, before I got my own place in Baltimore, I was in my room. Grandma and my cousin.

[JP McDade]

One was working in a fish cannery, one was pushing a vegetable cart.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, it was. It was. It was insane. But that's how.

[Alyssa Lim]

And your parents were like, this is perfect.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, Loved it. My parents are still. My parents are still. Like, why did you leave? Like, why? Yeah, my mom. My mom is now angling to do. She wants to become the house.

[Alyssa Lim]

Well, yeah. My mom lived with me in New York for a bit because I told you. Well, I don't want to. I don't want to die.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't. Dox.

[Alyssa Lim]

But we live in the same neighborhood, and I. I lived there with my mom.

[JP McDade]

Times Square.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. Yeah. We lived. Yep.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

I lived in the. I had a suite in the Jimmy Buffett Margaritaville, and it was the same suite I had.

[JP McDade]

And I was in Elmo right outside.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh, you lived there with your mom.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Alyssa Lim]

I saw the scariest thing, by the way, in Times Square the other day. It was a man with no shirt on and a. Just. Just a clown mask and his pants. It almost like. It's like he had something weighted in his pockets.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Alyssa Lim]

And it was so close to the pants falling down with the. And there was no effort to. And it was.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, well, your gun is going to weigh down your sweat from time to time.

[Stavros Halkias]

And this is not like. Because I know twisted metal out That's a shirtless clown. This was not a tie in driving.

[JP McDade]

An ice cream truck.

[Alyssa Lim]

Now that you're saying that it could have been.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, you think that's part of it, is showing pubes. Now, were the pubes red? That would be awesome. If they matched the bozo hair to the pubes he's almost showing. Yeah, I would have actually respected. I would have.

[Alyssa Lim]

I would have.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Alyssa Lim]

Wait, we were saying. Okay. Anyway, Times squared, Mom lived with. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That must have been close quarters as well.

[Alyssa Lim]

That was close quarters as well. But it was the same thing. It's like dad died and it's like, well, all right, let's. I'm going to New York.

[Stavros Halkias]

Going New York.

[Alyssa Lim]

Me too. All right. We're going to New York.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's actually kind of fun. It was the gals. The gal, you know, that sort of.

[Alyssa Lim]

The sort of Gilmore Girls.

[Stavros Halkias]

The Gilmore Girls know, let's do something objectively insane. Insane to deal with grief.

[Alyssa Lim]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's become Sex and the City roommates. Like, for how long was that?

[Alyssa Lim]

I want to say it was like a. Maybe a year. It's blurry. That time is, like, blurry. But I'm like, yeah, I want to say here. But that was so crazy because my mom, you know, in New York City, coming from the suburbs, just like. Yeah, that's in a bagel shop chatting people up. And we were there 35 years. We would have gone. And people in the back. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah. Holding up the line.

[Stavros Halkias]

Holding up the.

[Alyssa Lim]

And just like, one time we were at a Greek restaurant. We were at that Greek restaurant that was on, like, near Union square, a little 14th, like the one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, is that the Klades that they have down there? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

And so we were there and my mom was, you know, talking to the waiter and. And he gave us g. Dessert.

[Stavros Halkias]

A great dessert.

[Alyssa Lim]

A great dessert.

[Stavros Halkias]

A custard, a honey custard. My favorite as a child. My mom was a witch in a Greek restaurant.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, that. I think it's the best because it. Yeah, it's just. It's.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's custardy. It's custard, honey and filo feel a dope.

[Alyssa Lim]

And it's unlike any other. Like. Yeah, it's just great. So he gave it to us for free. And my mom was like, you see that I connected with him. He gives us free. I look around the restaurant. It's part of the restaurant. It's just what you get for coming in. But I was like, I'll let her have it. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So she has, like, this connection.

[Alyssa Lim]

He had a scarf. It was like the owner and she's like, has a connection.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

I was like, let her have it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Alyssa Lim]

But, yeah, it was good. It was a good. Yeah, it was. It was interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Was it a one bedroom? What are we talking?

[Alyssa Lim]

It was a one bedroom, but it was like, no, it was like a two bedroom. It was flex, but I feel like.

[JP McDade]

A guy and a dad is a very different story, but a girl and a mom, that's fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I had to live with my father. First of all. First of all, if my. Yeah. Oh, dude. My dad and me being roommates is one of the funniest Things I could possibly imagine. Just fist fight my dad. The idea that I can't have a weird lunch and be like, all right, see you in three months. You know what I mean? That it's like I come back from work and he's there.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tough. And his, like. I went actually got coffee with my dad. I was in Baltimore and I just went to see what his life is like.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he just. He just. There's a coffee house that he goes to literally every day.

[Alyssa Lim]

Please tell me he sits outside. Does he sit outside?

[Stavros Halkias]

Depending on the weather, but you know, they will. But it's. There's not that much space. There is some. There are some benches. Most of the time they're in the specific corner. He has his. He has his seat. And it's. It just reminds me of like going to like, you know, getting. Going to the dining hall or whatever. It just reminds like him and his boys see each other every day. They just hang out. Right. They all ostensibly have jobs.

[Alyssa Lim]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

But they're just sort of like chilling. Like they might work one or two days a week.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, all of them are. My dad's getting over surgery. He's doing good now.

[Alyssa Lim]

You happy, jp?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You happy My dad had fucking surgery. I hope you're happy.

[JP McDade]

This is also my fault.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

I'm just imagining a scenario where your roommates.

[Stavros Halkias]

But undoubtedly one, you know, 65 plus year old, three out of the eight guys are getting over open heart surgery. Right. Some kind of, you know, some kind of liver problem.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Some kind of like cancer brought on by their smoking. You know what I mean? Like there's always. Some of them are infirmed. So they're there every day.

[Alyssa Lim]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And now my dad has passed into the. Like, they're ever the daily crew I had to go to. And they have. He knows the schedules of when each one is closed. So there's. His favorite one is closed on Tuesday, so I had to go see him at the backup one on Tuesday. And him and his boys are just in there. His friend is telling me about how his daughter's very successful, but she refuses to have a grandchild. Like, it's awesome. You just get locked into these traditional old Greek guys.

[JP McDade]

Senior VP at Merrill lynch, but no baby.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, almost exactly. Except. Except think about him telling me every step, every major accomplishment since high school.

[Alyssa Lim]

His daughter, honor society, fifteen hundred dollar scholarship. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was cute though, how proud he was of his daughter.

[Alyssa Lim]

I almost wanted to be like, masculine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Some of this man. Yeah. Maybe a little. Maybe a couple. Hey, thanks you know, maybe a couple telling everybody you're proud. Oh, no. No big deal.

[JP McDade]

He has tour bus.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, my dad's. My dad would flip if he saw the bus.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe we'll show it to him next time. He didn't have bus privileges on this tour, but if he's on good behavior for the next tour, he'll get to see the bus.

[Alyssa Lim]

Oh, God. And isn't that nice that in a way, you're on a bus with your boys.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh.

[Alyssa Lim]

You're doing the same thing we are all doing.

[Stavros Halkias]

We are a hunt. I mean, we're 100 living the same way.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's how I feel about Mom. I'm like, I'm. I'm getting to the point where I have bought to go Tupperware, that's like one single use, like, aluminum. And I will. I. I will make food, and I'll tell my friends, like, I got a batch of chicken. You come over and I'm sending it home with them. And I'm like, this is. I'm just doing the same thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

100.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I.

[Alyssa Lim]

We can't avoid it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I do have a theory of, like, there's a period of your life where you want to get away and you. You do acquire. There's, like, a period that's more finite than we realize. We think that it's like, I'm done with who I was.

[Alyssa Lim]

Exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna be somebody there. I'm gone forever. And it's actually. What's going on is you're going out there. You are changing.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're bringing new things in, but then eventually you just come back. Totally.

[JP McDade]

And your DNA level, you're still.

[Stavros Halkias]

You level out a little bit and you're like, oh, yeah. I just. The way Greek. Old Greek men have been in a coffee shop for just doing nothing. And they don't like working, and they do all their work, like, last minute. It's like. Like I have the exact same working patterns as my father.

[Alyssa Lim]

Totally.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. All my friends, I see every day, like, my job. I figured out how to make a. A rolling Greek coffee shop where it's like, I see my best friends every day. We hang out. I just brought one of them to just, like, buy salads.

[Alyssa Lim]

Right. Like, you hired a.

[Stavros Halkias]

So he can hang out. Yeah. To go to Costco and buy salads and shit. And like, yeah. We all. We all return a little bit to what we are.

[Alyssa Lim]

I think that's it. I think that's what I'm realizing now, too, is I'm on. I'm 100% on the journey of coming back, back to especially my Greekness. I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm going. I'm full blown.

[Stavros Halkias]

I feel you on that one.

[Alyssa Lim]

I'm. Because I'm like, it's the same, same.

[JP McDade]

Same with the Irish back.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, it calls you back where you're like, oh, yeah, this also. For something to be such a big part of your life for so long, Greek school, Greek dance and Greek church, it's like that's. It's a. It's foundational in your body. So then you leave it. And then I was in la, you know, dad dies, my mom moves out of the house and I. I started realizing, like, oh, if I don't bring this into my life, like, it won't really be.

[JP McDade]

What did you think of it when you were a kid? Did you kind. Did you have like, for granted, maybe.

[Alyssa Lim]

Didn'T love it, but I think you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hate it too because, like, dude, they make you go to school after school. Yeah, we had to go. Greek school was for me three days a week after school.

[Alyssa Lim]

And so many kids fluently too, because they're f. So I always felt like I was. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, we would definitely make fun of you.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

As the fluent speaker would be like this one.

[Alyssa Lim]

But I would definitely cheat off you. Just.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, this Yank doesn't know where Alpha's from. A Betas.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then. And then you go. And then I go to Greece and it's like people like American. This fat American piece of.

[JP McDade]

When I went to Ireland when I was like a teenager, I did.

[Stavros Halkias]

They definitely respect you even less.

[JP McDade]

Oh, 100.

[Stavros Halkias]

They don't respect America.

[JP McDade]

The plastic patties thing, like. Oh, you're another.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, also, because culturally. Sorry. You know, but culturally, like, they. A lot of Irish have complete. Like when they come over and just become cops in the 1800s and then just become Republicans and it's like, like Irish people are maybe one of the.

[JP McDade]

Only ethical Northern Ireland that was a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Big part of the culture for. They love killing cops. They hate authority. They're the only people talking about. The only people like being like pro Palestine from the jump on the right side of history. And then Irish Americans are just like. They're just like the same. The way like Italian Americans, they've just become like conservative caricatures of their. All their stereotypes.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, I was over there and I was like 15 at the time and I was like, super skinny, no confidence, whatever. And I was. I remember I was walking down the street and there was this guy like leaning against the car. And I didn't realize until too late that he was making fun of me. And I was walking by, he's like, yeah, walk faster, you piece of like making fun of the way I was walking and walking.

[Alyssa Lim]

It's a God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JP McDade]

I was wearing khakis and I was wearing like a windbreaker that was also khaki colored.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not.

[Alyssa Lim]

You dressed like a 60 year old.

[JP McDade]

I had a white hatted 60 year old outfit completely. And I walked by and he goes, you look like a matchstick. You.

[Stavros Halkias]

Getting your ass, dude. That's really good.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, they don't respect us at all. But then, yeah, like later in life it kind of comes back to this was kind of a cool little cultural thing that I didn't appreciate when I was younger.

[Alyssa Lim]

Exactly. Yeah. And it's, it's. Yeah, it's part of who I am. And if I don't have it, that feels, that feels wrong. But it is true. It's nice that like we took a decade to collect all this other stuff. So we're not just going. I'm not going back and totally we don't have a finished bit. We're not going all the way. Of course I'm not getting megabytes, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Although, like that's the other thing. I think I'm like, don't sound too bad. Headed all like where it's like, you see. Because also we're. I think we're all at the age where it's like you move and we all met. I think I met you like actually pretty close pretty quick. When I, when I moved to New York, I had just. It was at that. What was that shitty.

[Alyssa Lim]

It was in box. And I remember this because I. I had just moved. You had just moved. You were this like little Greek boy. I was like, I am gonna help.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

You're doing stadium. I am gonna.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was, it was another two years. You had a lot going on. I think that was the height of. You. You might have been in that apartment with your mom.

[Alyssa Lim]

I think so.

[Stavros Halkias]

You were pretty fun. Like, I remember being like, I thought you were funny. And we were bonding over the Greek stuff. But you clearly were like, oh, this girl's dealing with some.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, totally.

[Stavros Halkias]

Your dad had just passed away. And I was like, I was like, she's cool, but I'm not going to push a friendship right now. She seems like she's dealing with a lot of stuff.

[JP McDade]

Totally convenient.

[Stavros Halkias]

But we all met and I met you at those same. Probably very similar.

[JP McDade]

Was. Was that around the time that we were working in the same office building.

[Alyssa Lim]

No, this was even earlier. So, yeah, once I got in the office building, I think that helped me start kind of getting on my way.

[JP McDade]

We did that sketch.

[Alyssa Lim]

What part?

[JP McDade]

You had me in that sketch.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah. What was it, Thanksgiving or.

[JP McDade]

No, it was like. It was like an app or something. Like, the guys who don't leave you alone on apps.

[Alyssa Lim]

Immediately. But it's so funny even thinking of that job. I was talking to my friend who I still work with from that job, and I'm like, it's funny how we're just going back to that. Like, if you look on Instagram now, like, all the reels are like. Like, it's very cyclical.

[JP McDade]

Oh, yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

Like, because we were making. Yeah. Every type of person.

[Stavros Halkias]

What was that? What was that? What was that trend of like. Oh, fuck. It was one of the first formats. It was before reels, but it was.

[JP McDade]

Like, before, like, vine, like, for Vibe.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was just like a YouTube trend where it was like a meme of like. Like, everybody did their version of it. It was maybe similar to, like. Yeah, the type of guy find or whatever.

[Alyssa Lim]

Exactly. It was just every type of. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

And now that's just white text on the real.

[Stavros Halkias]

But there was one. There was one even before I moved to New York that I'm thinking of anyway. Yeah, we got played into the ground. But, yeah, I mean, I remember. I mean, my first job was working for one of the worst Internet company, Internet comedy companies in the world. There was a lot of bad. But they. There was weirdly money.

[Alyssa Lim]

There was money back then. There was a lot of money in. Yeah, Like Facebook Live. Remember we were going, oh.

[JP McDade]

When Facebook was like. Facebook was juicing their views and we all thought we were getting famous and we were doing videos. It's like, whoa, this got 18, 000 views and one like. How about that? It's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah. Because Facebook was trying to tell people.

[Alyssa Lim]

This is where it's at.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everyone's going to video. And they were weirdly right. But they were just doing it in the absolute worst ways because.

[Alyssa Lim]

Was that like, pre Twix? Because then Facebook Live, that kind of became, like, streaming before Twitter had any.

[JP McDade]

Kind of video functionality and before Instagram even had video, I think. And it was just like, face. Facebook video was the thing with YouTube.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's crazy how fast things have changed that when we all started, we were doing videos and, like, I was posting a YouTube link on. Check it out, Check it out. Yeah, like, you could not post.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, well, Yeah. I mean, you also got. Cuz you had. You literally were doing front facing video stuff.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I feel like maybe one year, if you did it, if you timed it one year, you're maybe the most famous person on earth. You know what I mean? Where I just feel like I saw, I saw women stealing what you were doing and now they're, you know, they.

[Alyssa Lim]

Were like, they have a Dunkin Donuts drink.

[JP McDade]

The amount of mom character clones.

[Alyssa Lim]

You know, I have a lot of like peace with it because I'm like, there were also incredible mom characters before me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. And you just kind of like did package it for the Internet in a good way.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I mean, but that's. It's just crazy how much we just don't have control of anything and how much everything is time. Like if I. If we started cometown, maybe like six months later, nobody gives a fuck. You know what I mean? If we do it six months before, we don't know about Patreon. We make no money. Like it's just. And it's like even like the stand up clips. I'm like, dude, stand up clips. I had no clue.

[Alyssa Lim]

Think of how many shows we all did with no video.

[JP McDade]

No video roast battles.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like, for what?

[Alyssa Lim]

But okay.

[JP McDade]

Of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I actually agree. I actually agree with what I'm about to say. I think so.

[Alyssa Lim]

I think, I think like, there's a lot of benefits to what's going on right now. But I think it's. I think we all had a really cool thing, which was like, we learned just for the sake of learning.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which is what it should be about.

[Alyssa Lim]

Just for the sake of honing. Like, imagine we would have been filming our sets after doing it for one year.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I look at what I thought was hilarious when I was 24.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I even had. We should find it. I think we. I have it somewhere. Remember when I like recorded what I thought was like an ep, not an ep? Yeah. I was gonna get. I was literally gonna. In college. I was gonna burn these, burn CDs and hand them out to people. And I actually spent more time. Remember this? I spent more time photoshopping the COVID which was like. Which was like me shooting Jay Leno in the head or something. It was like. And that was. I was like, I had a lot of text takes too. I was like, I'm better than Jay. I'm 22.

[Alyssa Lim]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm like, I'm funnier than Jay Leno.

[Alyssa Lim]

It's like we've never been funnier than.

[Stavros Halkias]

22 because you have no.

[Alyssa Lim]

Cause you are just so confident.

[JP McDade]

I have an hour.

[Stavros Halkias]

No for real. So I'm actually very happy because I would have been posting and you see these horrible young comics who. It's like dude, you might be good.

[Alyssa Lim]

Sure.

[JP McDade]

If you just massage the bullet years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Try and be good at this.

[Alyssa Lim]

And we had a real. I mean it's a. It's a special time of like we had a real underground community. Like we didn't.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is true.

[Alyssa Lim]

We didn't follow each other. We didn't really. No.

[Stavros Halkias]

We were actually.

[Alyssa Lim]

We would meet up and like you and. And we would go to Mike's together which might be going to next and you'd like. It was a very special time in that sense. And I don't know maybe that's.

[JP McDade]

It was pretty.

[Alyssa Lim]

But it does feel like it's at the very least.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I think it. I mean we're just old. I think it still does exist. We're old. We're. Sorry, buddy.

[Alyssa Lim]

I guess would it.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're out of here.

[Alyssa Lim]

If they're filming. If you're. If every.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it's a little more. There's probably like more click. I think this probably clicked up a little more where it's like you. We just had to hang out with everyone, even people. We. I mean part of it was being like a quarter of the people there we all hated. You know, I mean it was like.

[JP McDade]

Horrible unfunny talk with the 50 year old guy whose act is half slurs.

[Alyssa Lim]

Who you meet day one and think that's the king.

[JP McDade]

And then you slowly realize the guy.

[Alyssa Lim]

Holding court and you okay, this guy's been here for a while and.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you know, I do that but. And whatever.

[Alyssa Lim]

There's probably a new great community which is like.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's just different. I think. I think 24 year olds are still going to bar, you know, getting up, going to bars, whatever after horrible shows.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

It's just like a few of them have 300,000 followers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, that's actually true. That's actually true. It's like a couple of them are rich and totally. But I think so some of the. Some of it has changed for sure. But you know. And yeah, that's got to be hard trying to figure it out. But who cares? Nobody gives a fuck about this. This is. This is everyone's like shut the fuck up. Talk about your dead relatives more. Make fun of JP for talking about his. For making you think about pain and sorrow.

[JP McDade]

That's what I'm here for.

[Alyssa Lim]

Stop. Should I Tell people or are we done?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no, no, no. We're not even close.

[JP McDade]

Okay, great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sorry. That's not how we do things around here. See, podcasting is about volume. It's not about quality. We'll be talking for at least another 45.

[Alyssa Lim]

He's taking my bag.

[Stavros Halkias]

We haven't even gotten to the calls yet, so. Yeah, yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

Okay. JP, do you know this? That I DM'd stuff like a few months ago. I go, stop. I gotta tell you, buddy, thank you. Because I booked this job where I had to have a Philly accent and I studied. I studied your video of your. Your video of your Philly guy.

[JP McDade]

A Mid Atlantic master class.

[Alyssa Lim]

Studied it over and over and I did it. And. And thank you. He immediately goes, hey buddy, that's Baltimore.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was offended. I was like, how dare you?

[JP McDade]

Subtle.

[Stavros Halkias]

N. What? What are you stupid or something?

[JP McDade]

That's like the difference. It's like the difference between Australia and New Zealand. You're up.

[Alyssa Lim]

And he was like, definitely study something else before you do it. I'm like, we wrapped.

[JP McDade]

It's in the ca.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, I know. I definitely. After sending that, I was like. Cuz I guess I just misread your message. I was like, oh, I. I got it. I'm about to. And then I was like, no. I felt like a countdown things that you did.

[Alyssa Lim]

I did a great job and it was a pitch perfect. Here's the thing, as a woman doing a big accent anyway, like even if it's my home, even if it's my.

[Stavros Halkias]

Voice now, cuz you.

[Alyssa Lim]

You know people are going to go, that's not right. So it's almost like people are going to.

[JP McDade]

Most annoying thing in the world, please.

[Stavros Halkias]

Regional accent.

[JP McDade]

When people, people try to correct you on an accent. That's how I'm born.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're sort of. You're sort of cornering big loud northeastern to east coast accents because you've done a lot of. Yeah, we are, we are. We are representing our. Our cult, our local cultures.

[Alyssa Lim]

Like when I TV show. It's nice. It's like, that's nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[JP McDade]

We're talking massive.

[Alyssa Lim]

We're talking Sam Adams, Dunkin Donuts and we're talking Tom Brady commercial Tom Brady.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean come on. This. That's huge. That's huge.

[Alyssa Lim]

No, totally. It's cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everyone must be. I mean you could. You like, you'll do cooler stuff from now on and no one in Boston will give a about in the all.

[JP McDade]

Female reboot of the Town that you.

[Alyssa Lim]

Start in.

[JP McDade]

The Tommy commercials, bro, when.

[Alyssa Lim]

I tell you an all female reboot of the town, even just a shot for shot remake, I get to be an extra. The highlight of my life.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, you get to be Jeremy Renner. You get to be the insane one who's taken.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, let's go. Yeah. No, I, I feel, that's another thing. I feel like first 10 years it's almost like shed who I am and just kind of becomes. And now I'm like no, I just Want to. I just want to make movies and TV shows and everything I make. I want it to be about where I'm from.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah. So that. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

What was Tom like? Irl.

[Alyssa Lim]

Incredible.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

So sweet. So kind. Fun. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did he kiss his son while you were there?

[JP McDade]

There's language in the contract. Stavros.

[Stavros Halkias]

El. It look like we bleeped out something Elisa said. I'm like, yeah, no, but I have. I had. I had another buddy who is a Boston guy who worked with him, and he was like. He was the Mike. Mike Mitchell Doughboys, who's a guest. A recent guest on this show as well. He said that he was working with Tom Brady in that he was kind of not icy, just, like, very professional.

[Alyssa Lim]

Definitely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Until Mike was. One of the riffs he did was, like, humping the football. The ball. And Brady was like, nice. So truly, he's just like, a jock.

[Alyssa Lim]

Exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just like a he. He's the greatest quarterback ever, but at the end of the day, he's a dumb jock. Like. And when you go, like, a very smart job.

[Alyssa Lim]

A very smart job. Yeah. Yes.

[JP McDade]

I worked with. I worked with Edelman a few months ago, and he's like, the epitome of a job. He's kind of.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's the man. Yeah, I did his podcast, too.

[JP McDade]

He was like. We were in some. Some venue shooting this thing, and he, like, went to the bathroom and came back. He's like, who left a jellyfish in the toilet? A jellyfish? He's like, yeah, a bunch of comp.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jellyfish. Yeah, he's. He was the man.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah. No, that's kind of. I'm sure that's. Yeah, that was the same thing. He was a little. At first, it was, like, there. And then I think I did a. I like, roasted him in a Boston accent or something. Then he was like, all right, we're bodies. Yeah. It's fun. It's fun working with athletes because you're like, you are. Are the best in your field.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

But then we're meeting here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. We're like, totally.

[Alyssa Lim]

We're getting to. Do.

[Stavros Halkias]

They need you. There's, like, an urgency where they're like, I need help.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

In their eyes, you see it. They're like, please make me look good.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know?

[Alyssa Lim]

And you're like, you're the best in the world. Like, I. Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is awesome. It is awesome to have. I. I have no other skills, but it's like, I get to feel like, I'll help you, little buddy. To want to, like, a Jack Champion. Who's like, like thousands of people have watched that him play, you know what I mean?

[JP McDade]

Getting free stuff for being awesome since they were a teenager.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, yeah, he's awesome. I mean, I feel like, yeah, he's his, his mentality too. He's just because, you know, he was a, he was an underdog.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. All right, relax. Enough with this Boston propaganda.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, when he played Eli Manning, he was a underdog.

[Stavros Halkias]

What nice. Were you, did you play, did you play sports? Is that, do you.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, I was a, I was like a runner sport.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't, different culture than, than like, you know, like what kind of run sports?

[Alyssa Lim]

Kind of. But I was a, like, I was like a, I was a sprinter and I was a competitive. We were like very competitive and we were on relay teams.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. So not long distance. We're talking track, track, track. Sprinting. Sprinting feels like the most like, competitive one of those. Yeah. And it was the most jockish.

[Alyssa Lim]

Totally. So like 100, 200, 400, and then 4x1, 4x4. And yeah, I, I, I loved it. And still to this day, I'll go to McCarran park basically every day and I will put my hand and touch the track.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. That's the most athlete thing I do.

[Alyssa Lim]

Touch the track.

[Stavros Halkias]

You really are a Boston idiot. It's like a guy picking up a.

[JP McDade]

Football being like, I got a main on my fingers from the track. I used to grind my fingers down.

[Stavros Halkias]

To nothing touching the track.

[Alyssa Lim]

I touch the track, I go, there's.

[JP McDade]

Nothing like that smell.

[Alyssa Lim]

Literally. I want that red on my finger. I go, yeah, Lady Rams.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, dude. I mean, I'm making fun of you, but it's like I played one year of high school football and like Astoria park has those like lights and I.

[JP McDade]

Look up, I'm like, yeah, the sense memory.

[Stavros Halkias]

Friday night lights, baby. I think about the, like, I had like four good plays and I have a life. I had a life altering shoulder injury just to play one year of. Because to feel comfortable, cool. To put on a helmet and be like, I'm cool, man. Literally, my shoulder will never be the same.

[Alyssa Lim]

My hips, I like, cannot run. I have no hips. They're like arthritis, whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, but God, God, it feels. You do. You're like, man, I was, I didn't.

[JP McDade]

Play hard enough to get long term injuries. I was more of a show pony. I was the guy in the layup lines dunking and that's all I wanted.

[Alyssa Lim]

No, but I loved it. And I do think it, it is like, it's, I yeah, I'm like, everyone should play high school.

[Stavros Halkias]

I kind of agree. I do think it's important to just, like, from a purely camaraderie standpoint.

[Alyssa Lim]

Camaraderie and, like, discipline and, like, we lose in this business all the time.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I think, like, life is losing.

[Alyssa Lim]

Life is losing. And I think sports helps you be like, yeah, you lose all the time.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then you win.

[Alyssa Lim]

You get the losses. You go, okay, how can I get stronger? How can I get faster? How can I? And then you keep going. So I do think it. It.

[JP McDade]

Listen to some gambling. Win wins, and then you start gambling.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you go to your nephew's game. You gamble on him. He doesn't hit enough dingers cereal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JP McDade]

You get him strong, you start putting them on peds.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't wait. I can't wait to have an underground gambling ring going in. My nephew's jiu jitsu, totally unregulated.

[JP McDade]

It's a. It's a gold mine. And the access you have to inside information is unparalleled.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, Timmy's come down with a stomach bug.

[JP McDade]

His first armpit hair came in. He's about to go off.

[Stavros Halkias]

Beautiful. Well, look, we have. We have our own. Our own little. Little. Not only do we have nephews in the next generation, we have our callers to lead.

[Alyssa Lim]

Beautiful.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you. I'm kind of like. I'm kind of like a broadcaster here.

[JP McDade]

This is about dispensing wisdom.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's about wisdom.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yes. You know, and that's sort of the name. The name.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. What do we got here? Okay, eldest, hit us with some questions, buddy.

[Caller 1]

Hi, Stu. Hi, Eld. Highesteemed guest. I got a predicament. I recently started seeing someone. We've been seeing each other for about a month. It's a small town that I live in. Small enough that like. Like, people kind of know people. It's an itty bitty town, but it's big enough you can run into people, kind of. Anyway. Okay, so the problem is this guy I've been seeing. We've been seeing each other for a month, and I just found out that he is. He has a felony charge.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

And personally, it's a little bit hot that he has the charge.

[Stavros Halkias]

Respect.

[Caller 1]

But also, the charge is deeply troubling.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's deeply troubling. It's not white collar crime.

[JP McDade]

It's so hot that he was poisoning old people. Allegedly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God. All right, let's see what we got here, Eldis.

[Caller 1]

Deeply troubling. Like, the charge itself is not hot. So I'm concerned. He seems to have like, just really have turned his life around in the last like three to four years. And the charges are from about three years ago ago. And based on what he said, he was like, deeply unmedicated, deeply toxic drinking, smoking. He's sober now, on medication, in therapy. So, yeah, I'm about to talk to him this weekend. And so this weekend I just.

[Stavros Halkias]

When was this called? When this call coming, Elvis?

[Alyssa Lim]

Oh, no, it's.

[Eldis]

It might be a month or two.

[Stavros Halkias]

And this episode doesn't come out for another month.

[JP McDade]

Local news story out there about this.

[Stavros Halkias]

From like a Fox serial season five about this already. Eldis you.

[JP McDade]

This is evidence. The FBI is going to be listening to this call for the background noises. Oh my God. He was coming in through the window as she left the message on the podcast.

[Alyssa Lim]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, brother. We really got to work on our screening around here.

[JP McDade]

Background checks from here on out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay though, but generally we had look for some, someone in the future in this, in a similar situation. Yeah, I mean, look, this is, this is kind of a classic whatever you decide to do is fine scenario where it's like, you know, we don't want to, you know, you don't want to judge a person with a pass. But also you're okay if you just don't feel comfortable. Certain people have different tolerances for what they think, you know, in a romantic, this is a romantic relationship. This is not, not like we're not talking about like hiring this person for like an entry level job where it's like illegal to discriminate. This is like, you know, and not right to, you know, you're not no one that you don't feel comfortable with for any reason. You don't have to be in a relationship with anyone you don't want to, I think is what it comes down to. But also the, this, you know, this is somebody who's been up front, relatively upfront. I mean, you know, in a month, could he have told you a little sooner? Maybe, but it's like you just started seeing each other. You kind of want to see if there's even a, like, if you have any kind of chronic problem, whether it's a felony charge, maybe herpes, you know what I mean? Like, I get herpes. You probably have to tell before you fuck, but you know what I'm saying? Like, whatever. If there's like, you want to get to know somebody first before you drop a, you know, something crazy on them and maybe, you know, maybe he was a little late, but it doesn't sound like it's that late. And if he's told you, like, hey, I feel this connection. Here's what happened. I have, you know, I've been in therapy, I've been medicated, I've been sober. And you think that's. That works for you, great. If not, you're not a bad person for being like, that's cool. But this is a little bit of, like, I don't, you know, if, you know, if you're like, I. I don't want to be in this way. It just makes me even a little uneasy enough to not be in a relationship. Relationship. But ultimately that's up to you, right? Like, it's not. But either way is fine. You don't need to be guilted into staying in a relationship you don't want to be. And you also don't have to, like, just because something is on paper a deal breaker. If you feel like somebody's been upfront with you and it seems like they're a different person, you don't have to ruin what you think has potential. But that's up to you, man. We can't really tell you which way to go with that.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, it seems to me like a safety thing. You go, this is deeply troubling.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. How deeply troubling?

[Alyssa Lim]

He stole like a. Did he steal like a ton of. And you're like, that's troubling. It's like, all right, he's probably.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did he beat his girlfriend?

[Alyssa Lim]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

So if it's anything like that. Oh, oh, what is it? Elders. Just put type felony examples.

[Alyssa Lim]

They're not good.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they start with murder, rape, robbery. But they. That doesn't have to be those. Those are the big ones. Yeah, but you know, burglary, it could be drugs now.

[Alyssa Lim]

You know, we're hoping for drugs. We're really hoping for drugs.

[JP McDade]

Even better.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[JP McDade]

Animal cruelty. That one. We wouldn't be crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what kind of dog?

[JP McDade]

Cyber crimes. Maybe he's good at computers. Maybe there's a future there.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it really comes down to, like, for me personally, right. If it's not about me, like, if it's not something where it's like, domestic. Right. Or like, violent.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, it's like, I don't fuck. You know, whatever. It's like, people have done it. If it's drugs, I really don't give.

[Alyssa Lim]

As well as the turning his life around. But yeah, it's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, no, no, exactly. Like, if we're talking about. You have three years and also, how old is this person, how young were they when they did, when they made their mistake? Like, you know, what's the context that all this should happen with? You know, I think ultimately, if it's not something that is like violent to you and you believe the. The context that happened makes sense and you believe that they've turned their life around round.

[JP McDade]

I mean, I know people from, like, my past who have, like, done felonious things with drugs and now you. Now, you would never know. They were like, oh, yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

I mean, basically, yeah, I went to balt.

[Stavros Halkias]

I went to Baltimore city public schools. Like, I have friends who were like, truly in gangs and like, were shot and are like, we know people who have worn monitors and are like, oh, for sure good people now. And they were truly pieces of. Don't get me wrong, like, they like. But have full, fully have families. Our small business owners are, you know, cops now, you know, firefighters. Like, just like. Like they have just kind of figured their out and it's like, exactly. You would never be able to tell. But again, at the end of the day, yeah. This is your personal life.

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is not something. And like, we. And as a society, we should not be stopping people who have had. Who've made mistakes from getting a second chance. Chance. You can't descript. But this is not like, again, this is not societal. This is like granular your personal life. If you feel uncomfortable.

[Alyssa Lim]

Can I add one more thing?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

You might want to get like a second opinion too, because sometimes when you're hearing from someone, they're going to tell you the best version of the story. Maybe if this guy's dated someone that, you know, since it's a small town or has a best friend.

[JP McDade]

Good point.

[Alyssa Lim]

Maybe you check in with them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Do you have any. Yes.

[Alyssa Lim]

Is this like, is. Do you. Do you corroborate that? This is kind of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Alyssa Lim]

And they go, yeah, yeah, he's total.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hire a PI. That's good.

[Alyssa Lim]

Maybe hire PI.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Get a file on.

[Alyssa Lim]

Get a. Yes.

[JP McDade]

Put spyware on his computer.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yes. Evade a little taxes.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you proposed to him to do some crime. See how he. Exactly, exactly. Exactly.

[Alyssa Lim]

We have a ring. We have a. You come to the Jiu Jitsu.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we'll. We'll figure it out. I think that. Yeah. So those are your options.

[JP McDade]

I think like Alyssa was saying about safety, first sign of trouble, maybe get out.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's true.

[JP McDade]

If there's this. If there's a warning sign, if there's like a second cell phone or something like that, some weird maybe call it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

She also said she thinks it's hot. I feel like, you know. Do you have a pattern for a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Certain kind of dumb alert?

[Alyssa Lim]

This is a.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a pain that's. We don't know. Look, if you're on the Patreon, I rescind my dumb alert.

[Alyssa Lim]

But, yeah, again, at this point, something either horrible or beautiful has happened.

[Stavros Halkias]

Eldest, please go through these a little earlier, even when we're not recording. That doesn't mean you don't have to screen them anymore. All right, play us another one, buddy boy. Oh, what the hell? Holy. I can't believe. Believe it. Do you know what time it is, McDade? What? Oh, it's a very special time. It's time to twist it. Oh. This is the motherfucking ass up motherfucking question of the week brought to you by Twisted Ass Titty T. Wow. What's the twisted ass up motherfucking ass titty question of the week brought to you by pleasing.

[Alyssa Lim]

Keep it twisted.

[Stavros Halkias]

What is it this time? Screaming, questioning, twisted ass question. Like, how much can we do before they take the money away?

[JP McDade]

Keep it twisted, you gotta get it twisted.

[Stavros Halkias]

You gotta get it twisted and don't get it twisted and never get it twisted when you're keeping it twisted so true.

[JP McDade]

If you stay twisted, you don't gotta.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get twisted so true. Just penis. All right, eldest, what do we got?

[Caller 2]

A style of Ellis and esteemed guests. Quick background on me. 29 years old, about to be 30, a lawyer, relatively successful guy, just got out of a really long term relationship. Four years we lived together, the whole thing faded. Not faded out. I mean, she broke up with me and that sucked. That was about a year ago. Anyway, I'm starting to date again. Again. And the first real successful connection that I formed is with a girl the same name as my ex girlfriend. And it's proving to be a huge problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Caller 2]

I can't bring myself to use her name around her because it's just like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Weird you can't use her name.

[Caller 2]

Correlation with hey, babe, you know, the past four years of my life with that name. I just. I would prefer not be involved in. In my next foray. So that. Is that a deal breaker or is this something you think I can get behind? You know, get used to? I don't kill it with the ladies. I mean, I do okay, but it's not easy for me to find a girl that I'm attracted to, that is attracted to me, that, you know, that seems to work. And this one does seem to Work. For the most part, it does live kind of far away.

[Stavros Halkias]

But other than far away.

[Caller 2]

You know, the name thing has really issue I've had from being crazy. And I need your esteemed fat guy with them as a fat man myself to guide me. So Elvis, figure this out. Get this on quick. Get the song that helps.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't threaten us is not keeping it twisted.

[JP McDade]

No, no, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

Threating is not going to keep it twisted. Okay, okay. You threaten elders, that's not going to get you and this lady that's named the same name as your ex girlfriend, sitting back, backyard couple, ice cold twisted teeth. That's not going to get you there. And that's where you find love, by the way. Is it a deal breaker that this girl is named your ex's name?

[JP McDade]

But see, he took a year here.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would say you got to take it a step further. Dress her up in her clothes.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get her the same haircut.

[JP McDade]

You have some of her perfume lying around.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm sure. Spray her to be like I got.

[JP McDade]

You while she's sleeping.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't you think you should get cur. Don't you think you should have curly hair? Why should I buy you a perm?

[JP McDade]

She wakes up, oh, was I wearing makeup when I went to bed? Why do you have this old makeup?

[Stavros Halkias]

Be like Liberace. Get her plastic surgery that makes her look. Look like your ex girlfriend best look, you got to keep it twisted and lean all the way into this. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Take her to your ex's parents house on a trip and be like, it's so good to have us all back together again.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Get the parents in on it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't you love your child at home? She's like, what are you talking about? You're scaring me.

[Eldis]

Oh, remember this picture of us from New Year's 2022. Wasn't that such a fun night?

[JP McDade]

Little Photoshop. A little Photoshop goes a long way.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love you so much, Erica.

[JP McDade]

I can't picture my life without you. Tell us to hurry up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's what you get for telling us to do it fast, you piece of. Look, man, I don't know what to tell you. Same name, who gives a.

[JP McDade]

You took a year already. You were working on a classic car by yourself for a year.

[Stavros Halkias]

Garage. That's right.

[JP McDade]

Resettling, refining yourself. What do you worried about now?

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, look, can you work on a nickname like can. Can you try something fun? If she really wants to be. I mean, I don't know. This is. This is interesting because it is the kind of Thing where you don't know unless you're faced with it. But at the same time, it's like, your ex has got to be your ex. Like, if this was. If this was like, you know, maybe you dated somebody in between these two people, would it really matter that much? Like, I'm trying to think about it now. Like, if I, you know, if I started dating someone who had an ex's name, now that I have so much, like, distance from it, I wouldn't be like, hey, a part of me would be like, that's a little strange, whatever. But it's like, it's about the person. It's not about their name. You know what I mean?

[JP McDade]

Two roses by the same name.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. You know, and it's like, also, what is this girl's name? Sarah? Is it Liz?

[JP McDade]

It's Eunice.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JP McDade]

I keep dating old ladies.

[Eldis]

I. I will say it sounds like it is authentic. And this. What I'm about to say might be a little unfair, but how starved are you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Know?

[JP McDade]

Sounds fair to me. That sounds fair.

[Stavros Halkias]

It sounds like you're keeping it twisted territory.

[Eldis]

She's living far. That's a bad sign. He sounds like you don't really get that much. Overall, that's a bad sign. You admitted that yourself. I mean, those. Those two facts, right? There are bad signs to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

So overall, I think we're in beggars can't be choosers territory.

[Eldis]

So overall, I'd be like, yeah, I agree with you. Like, you know, especially if it is some, like, Sarah or something, that's not the biggest deal. But if you're saying it's bad enough that you can't bring yourself to utter her name, to refer to her by her name, that could be enough for me to be like, I don't know. She's nice enough, but I don't know if I need to, like, force myself to work on this for the next eight months.

[JP McDade]

See, I think you got to push through. Because once you push through and you get normal to, like, okay, this is Lauren now, or whoever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Then you've completed another step moving on from the last relationship.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's sort of like if you. If you overcome this, you're actually kind of killing two birds with one stone. Because, like, it will be kind of hard. It will be annoying. But it's like, this, to me, just means you're not fully over your last girl. And it's like, this will help you, even though it will be annoying. So keep it twisted. Get some crack. Open an ice cold. Look, it's about to be football season. Get a game day pack, okay? Get a game day pack from Tweet. Our part is this fantasy.

[JP McDade]

Is this fantasy beverage.

[Stavros Halkias]

Drop drinking and just have a nice. Maybe a peach, maybe a half and half, maybe a raspberry, or the classic original with this new girl who is the same name as your old girl. And don't forget, folks, no matter what you're doing, you want to remember to keep it twisted. Oh, what the hell? Whoa. We go. Wait, where'd Alyssa go, by the way? Whoa. I hope she's back when we're done with this, Paul. When we get out of the twisted zone.

[Caller 2]

Stavi, eldest. I got a problem. So my wife got a new contraception device. And I'm not really sure which device it is, but I can describe it.

[Alyssa Lim]

You don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

What do you mean?

[Caller 2]

Is implanted.

[Stavros Halkias]

Didn't ask her what area.

[Caller 2]

And it creates some sort of friction that causes no babies to happen.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. What do you mean?

[Alyssa Lim]

Misplaced iud.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Yeah. My wife got a contraception device. It's one of those LED masks. Makes me too scared to go anywhere nearer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Very nicely done, JP. 1.

[Caller 2]

One small problem. There's like a string or.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

Something that hangs down.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is crazy that you haven't asked your wife about this.

[Caller 2]

And while we're having sex, it hurts, like, a lot. Like if there's, you know, full, full, full penetration there.

[Alyssa Lim]

He's whispering.

[Caller 2]

It feels like I'm getting stabbed in the dick with a knife.

[Stavros Halkias]

True, true, true. I've. I've never had this issue. I've never had this issue. Keep going, Eldis.

[Caller 2]

And it's. It's. It's very painful. There's no marks that are left marks. But, God, it is the worst. And I. I keep bringing it up. I say, you know, we really gotta change contraception options here.

[Stavros Halkias]

His wife's just tired of fucking him. I put a little Swiss army knife in her. She put a couple toe clippers, those tiny nail clippers.

[JP McDade]

She put Home Alone traps in there. Like the nail that Marv steps on.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's like, yeah. Don't know what to tell you. Just contraception.

[Caller 2]

Absolutely not working for me. But she keeps trying to make the case that this is her favorite option and that this is. This is the one that we're sticking with. I. I don't know how much longer I can.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can hold out.

[Caller 2]

So sometimes, you know, it feels like it gets stabbed hundreds of times.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, that's crazy.

[Caller 2]

Love the show. Just looking For, For a little advice.

[Stavros Halkias]

How.

[Caller 2]

How can I switch positions up conversation better with my wife where she understands this is. This is a real, real problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, I think part of the problem is that how soft spoken you are.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, does she even know this? Or are you like, you know, it actually kind of. And she's just like, what was that? You're like, nothing. Like, how, like, just from your vibe alone. Have you had this conversation?

[JP McDade]

She's. She's making me up. Sorry. Letting me wear a penile cage.

[Stavros Halkias]

But this is crazy. I mean, like, yeah, also. So what, you. You don't know the name here? There's a couple problems here. Obviously, it's his wife. A married couple. If there's like, if sex is painful for one or the other person, you got to figure that out ultimately, right? Like, you can't, like, it's like it, it can't just be painful for either party. That's. That's insane. But also, you don't know the name of this thing. You know what I mean? Like, you, you're kind like, you. Have you asked her what it is? Have you done any research? Like, maybe it's a mispl. Maybe it's a misplace. It sounds like a misplaced ID I had. You know, like, you. When you know they're there, it feels like that's a problem. You know what I mean? Like, so I don't know, like, you should know the name of the thing. You should do a little research. There's probably. If this is the thing that happens commonly, it's probably on the. There's probably Reddit. You know, Reddit's about.

[Alyssa Lim]

I don't think this is like, I think this is not. It shouldn't. This is bad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

It shouldn't be happening.

[Stavros Halkias]

That.

[Alyssa Lim]

So it's either something's wrong because I don't think that.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, there's no way. I mean, yeah, to me, I think. True. I don't know what else it could be other than a up.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, it's got to be the string.

[Alyssa Lim]

Also. Well, okay. Also, I will say this. This does feel like probably a bigger issue because I will say that getting an iud, I have an iud. Getting it in and out is the single most painful experience of your life. But it's the only thing you can do to not have, like, hormones. So I bet maybe there's some even resentment where she's like, this is painful for you. Like, do you know how painful this was for me? And like, I'm the one who has to So I think this might be a thing of like recognizing that. Okay, maybe she's had difficulty on hormones and she does feel happy. While also, this is not working for you. So are like, what's. What's it going to be? But you should not be having sex.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you're, you're. Yeah, you're stabbing your dick. And yes, this could be too. Maybe your dick is too big. You might have to chop a little bit of it off. Maybe she's got a weird, weird shaped. So the IUD sits a little lower in it. Maybe she needs to. She's got it. Maybe she's got a little big dick. Yeah, you guys need to break up. Give her up to some little dick guy. Re home each other. This is like. You find some huge pussied woman with a large iud, you're never coming into contact.

[JP McDade]

Big dog, little house.

[Stavros Halkias]

You send her, you bring her over to Stavi's World. We could use what she's working with around, around here.

[JP McDade]

What if they make condoms that are just for the head? A little helmet. Yeah, put a little. Put a little helmet into the underside like a swim cap. Protect yourself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you're getting sides. The sides feel good. Yeah. Put some kind of helmet around your dick. Yeah. I mean, the other option, I guess probably sounds like no, no contraption. And you're talking about wearing condoms with your, your wife. I mean, that's, that's ridiculous. So.

[Alyssa Lim]

But yes, but again, even her taking it out. Like, I'm telling you, like, even that is like, she's probably like, no, it. Like I, I almost passed out. My friend passed out. She. People have to go under sometimes because it's so painful.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because it's metal. Right. If it's not, some of them are copper.

[JP McDade]

But there's like the hormonal ones that are not metal.

[Stavros Halkias]

But if this because. Yeah, I think what we're. Our context clue thing here, here is she doesn't want hormones. So it has to be like the one that's literally chopping jizz. No, I think you're right. I think you are right that there is like.

[Alyssa Lim]

Because otherwise you take the pill.

[Stavros Halkias]

God forbid you do any Googling about this. Elders just kind of sit there too.

[Alyssa Lim]

They're putting it in or taking it out and they're going the whole time. Just, just, just.

[Stavros Halkias]

I relax.

[Alyssa Lim]

They're going, just.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hold on, hold on. I asked eldest to Google and all he googled was iud. You think that's good? Yeah, Hormonal and just relax while they.

[JP McDade]

Have like the dentist Correct. And they're going, put your instruments.

[Alyssa Lim]

Just put your butt down. You're like, I. Yeah, you're good. Chill out. Yeah. Anyway, okay, that's so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. It looks like there's two types. There's the copper and the copper one looks like they have what could be if it's placed different little strings.

[Alyssa Lim]

Can we just say something, too?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Alyssa Lim]

If either of us had kids right now, look at those names.

[JP McDade]

Kylina.

[Alyssa Lim]

We would be like Marina.

[Stavros Halkias]

Marina, Kylina. Those are beautiful names.

[Alyssa Lim]

The girl's name. Those are all of our girls. Just like, having a little play date. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Morena. Kyina. Skyland. Letta. Those are beautiful. Paraguard. Paraguard is the copper one. Yep, yep. Yeah. That's interesting. I love how the copper one. Yeah. Contains copper wire that releases ions into the uterus. That feels wrong.

[Alyssa Lim]

I know. And look at the picture of it.

[JP McDade]

This turns you into the Statue of Liberty.

[Alyssa Lim]

It's like that guy. The guy we're talking to is. Is. He's making contact with.

[JP McDade]

With the string.

[Alyssa Lim]

Not the string. The string is like literal string. He's going. He is making contact with the tip of it up there.

[Stavros Halkias]

The copper tip.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, he's going tip to tip.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's going tip to tip with the iud.

[Alyssa Lim]

With the iud.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, yeah, man, I don't know, you know, but, yeah, you have to. I think, first of all, ask her what it is, do a little research and be like, hey, this is a thing that happens a lot. Like, if you have. If you've gone to her and you're like, hey, this hurts for real. This is the thing that happens a lot. Can we talk to your doctor about, like, can we do they validating.

[Alyssa Lim]

I know this is your body. I know that this might be difficult. What? But. But I'm just. Yeah, exactly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or you could go with, look, we got married. I own your. And I don't like how the. I don't like how the. To me, it's like an air fryer.

[JP McDade]

Polyonic code to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like. To me, it's sort of like a part of your dowry is your.

[JP McDade]

You sold me a bill of goods, sweetheart. This is a lemon. No, your father did not tell me that it would be like this when I asked him.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, look, it's just. We're just putting different views on it's.

[JP McDade]

You all playing to the red states for a minute.

[Stavros Halkias]

But also, good luck. Try.

[JP McDade]

Before you do anything crazy, mess around with the geometry of positions and things like that and see if maybe there's something where this isn't as much of an issue. Before you do anything that's like medical or whatever.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or you could do this. How about this? If you're do like a little trick from the wwe. Get a little.

[JP McDade]

Little razor blade.

[Stavros Halkias]

Keep a razor, pull your dick.

[Alyssa Lim]

I'd be like, ah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And your dick's bleeding. You know, you're like, it pricked me. Or if you don't want to use it on your dick, maybe while you're fingering, be like, finger vigorously and then come out. Be like, ah, Prick your thing. Be like, I'm bleeding. You want me to put my dick in there?

[Alyssa Lim]

You horrible disease. Because she got blood, she dies. You have have to get the lawsuit. I'm in this know. I said I'm going. No, they go, you got to go to jail. Now we have felonies. We're calling into a different podcast. I'm dating someone. They found out I have a felony.

[JP McDade]

So I gave someone toxic shock syndrome through a podcast. It's a long story.

[Stavros Halkias]

Look, wash your hands and disinfect the razor.

[Alyssa Lim]

My God.

[JP McDade]

My God, his dick is bladed.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God, that's his dick's music. Oh, my God, that's the vibrator's music. When you're doing a bad job and then you just hear the stone cold. Oh, my God, it's the vibrator's music. He's gonna come finish this off. His pathetic little dick can't do the work.

[JP McDade]

The vibrator is like, I'm coming to finish you off at Wrestlemania.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, well, good luck, buddy.

[Alyssa Lim]

Always gets a little tough for me when we go to wrestling.

[Stavros Halkias]

My ability really sort of drops off with the. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the vibrator is just coming in disrespecting my little dick, you know, Sure, I can. You got. You can context clues. You can context clues, the whole thing. Summertime, unfortunately. Maybe drawing to a close. Little eldest. Even though me and you have a couple summer memories ahead of us. You're going, of course, on your five or six week vacation. I have to go on a work trip while you're out there sunning your Albanian shoulders. I'll be making money for the company. But either way, you'll have beautiful pictures from the south of France. You're going. Where else are you going?

[Eldis]

Switzerland.

[Stavros Halkias]

Switzerland. Listen to this guy.

[Eldis]

Geneva.

[Stavros Halkias]

Geneva, that's. I think that is in Switzerland. It doesn't matter. Look, he's going to a whole bunch of places. He doesn't know where they are on a map, but he's going to take a bunch of striking, beautiful photographs. And when he does that, you know, he's going to watch and look at those photographs and smile to himself and say, wow, I'm so lucky. My boss lets me get unlimited vacation. Even though it kind of just disrupts his personal schedule. And he'll see that and he'll laugh and he'll smile when he looks at his. That's right, you guessed it. Aura frame. The best digital photo frame by wirecutter. It's been named that and it's easy to see why. We're big fans of the aura frames. In fact, we love them so much I already moved it to my new apartment. I've had some beautiful memories. I have a fat little nephew. My brother sends me his pictures. I like to send. See him crawling around giggling, smiling on the aura frame. Yeah, it's beautiful stuff. He really has. When, when a baby enters the family. You know this. You have, you have nieces when a baby enters. They hog up a lot of the photo. Photographic real estate family. He's the star. My brother's kid is the star of my aura frame right now. There. It's. It's a wonderful thing. For the moments that made your summer and the people who made it matter. Why don't you check out or frames for us? So start reliving your favorite memories by visiting orderframes.com For a limited time, listeners can get 35 off on their best selling selling carver mat frame. That's a U R A frames.com promo code. Stavi. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

[Caller 2]

All right, esteemed guys, guess longtime fan. I'm from Miami and I actually caught you at the the Chapo show in Fort Lauderdale.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, look at that.

[Caller 2]

I bought tickets to your show but I couldn't make it, so kicking myself over that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, thanks for buying the tickets Anyway.

[Caller 2]

Just to give you some background. I'm 27 years old, born in Cuba and I come from an immigrant family. Just graduated last year, an advanced experience degree. And about the same time I exited a relationship, I had a pretty serious one. And ever since then, you know, I've just been doing my best out here. Trying to not be a degenerate. I've got a good job. I'm moving out finally in. In like less than two weeks. Story is my parents, they're older, conservative, conservative immigrants and they rent an efficiency in their house. New tenant comes in and it's this old dude. Now my dad hits it off with this guy's son and Instantly, they are trying to arrange a marriage between me and his family's daughter.

[Alyssa Lim]

It's not even the dad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Off with the tenon. Oh, this is awesome. Keep going.

[Caller 2]

And I'm not kidding. Like the both of the families are apparently on board. They're obsessed with it. My father's obsessed. He's like making calls like he's trying to like negotiate a peace agreement or I guess more like a. Like a trade agreement.

[JP McDade]

A dow.

[Caller 2]

I like look to my mom for support. Like, is this normal?

[Stavros Halkias]

Like.

[Caller 2]

And she's just completely on board. Everyone's on. On board.

[Stavros Halkias]

What?

[Caller 2]

Their family is on board. I haven't seen this girl. I haven't met her. They have seen her and they just like fell in love instantly.

[Stavros Halkias]

What?

[Caller 2]

They've never tried to like get me into an arranged marriage before. This has never happened.

[Stavros Halkias]

First of all, pause this. Is this even a culturally like you don't hear about Cuban arranged marriages. Like, I mean, I guess my parents, my grandparents literally were an arranged marriage. So I'm sure it's like, you know, it's not like we think of for like Europe and India and like that and like you think of it in like Muslim countries and like that. But like, you know, I. So I guess maybe it's. But I've never thought of it as like a Latin American.

[Alyssa Lim]

No. And it's usually even like. Yeah, it's. It's usually like a soft arrange. It's like set them up on a date.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like you go on a date with a chaperone, see if you like there's a courting process. But it's not like this seems just like they vibe so. Well, like this doesn't really feel cultural. But maybe I'm wrong.

[Alyssa Lim]

The dad wants a friend. I mean the daddy going to be family.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's going to cost my son his romantic choices, but I don't care.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to play dominoes with you. All right, keep going. Eld.

[Caller 2]

Get me into an arranged marriage before. This has never happened and kind of, you know, I just want to know like this is. This is normal.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. What do you mean normal?

[Caller 2]

I'm doing pretty well right now and I'm going to start like my life and. And you know, I'm not. Not into it. Oh, but what are your thoughts about. About me and this girl both being auctioned off like cattle? I don't know. She seems interested. She's 23.

[Stavros Halkias]

Red flags. I mean.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, I'm not. Not into it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Look, you want to a hot 22 year old in theory. That's what you mean by you're not into it. You just mean like, well, get my dad off my back bag, she'll suck my dick a couple times. Well, I'll get fucking divorced in a couple years. Who cares? That's not how to go about this, man. This is insanity. The fact that her whole. First of all, this smacks to me of old world con artistry. Do you know what I mean? Where it's like, this feels like some shit from the 1800s. Where it's like, oh, I just came in. Where are you from?

[JP McDade]

You're from Cuba.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm from the Village. Right under we're proud.

[Alyssa Lim]

Probably.

[Stavros Halkias]

You were probably cousins.

[JP McDade]

The guy who pretended to be Daniel Plainview's brother and there will be blood.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. This feels like the kind of thing. This feels like they're negotiating. He's like, well, oh, your family has this real estate. We have real. Like this feels like this couldn't feel more like some kind of 1800s con, right? Foreigner con, where it's like, oh, my. You know, you. You know, we're. You. You give us money, we'll give you this. You know, this many donkeys, this many like that. That and the fact that they hit it off so quickly to me, feels like now, look, maybe it's just that they are friends for real. But it's like, it feels like, who the moves into a place and hits it off with their landlord so well that in a matter of weeks they're talking about marriage.

[JP McDade]

Rent's gonna be late. But what I do have.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, my sister. Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

So this is an old school scam. This is the current, like, you know, an AI voice being like, guy, honey, it's me. Like, I need all your money. It muffled yeah, no, this.

[Stavros Halkias]

This. That's my immediate knee jerk reaction.

[Alyssa Lim]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

And listen, even if that's not the case, this is insane. This is crazy. Your parent. Hey, your parents do not. First of all, you don't have to do this, right?

[Alyssa Lim]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't have to do it. You're 27. You should.

[JP McDade]

Because it's not like there are any beautiful women in Miam. Probably just go along with this.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just. I just think a the fact that this has never come up before. It's not like your parents are people who are like, we're one day we're going to find you the perfect woman. They've never talked about arranged marriages before.

[Alyssa Lim]

He was in another relationship, so it's not like he's never been in one. He just Got out of a two year relationship. He's capable of doing it on his own.

[Stavros Halkias]

The fact that this family has said this family. That it runs generationally.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

That it's like the son, the dad, they met the daughter without you. What the fuck is this?

[Alyssa Lim]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

We keep talking about parasite. This feels like parasite again where it's like this feels like a whole family is conning a different family. So I mean you are insane if you're like let me just test. They're counting on your family to be stupid enough and you to be horny enough to let this slide. That's what's coming until. Until the signed papers fully come coming through. Until there's some kind of paperwork signed where now like you know, they own half of whatever. I don't know what the. They got it. And look, maybe I'm being a cynic and maybe there's no. Let's say for. For arguments purposes. That's not what's going on. Then this is still crazy. Yeah. You go.

[Alyssa Lim]

If nothing weird was going on, they'd go why don't you two go on a date? I think you'd hit it off.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's not weird. Right? Family friends being like you guys should just go go to the movies.

[Alyssa Lim]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Go have the. You know what I mean? Like that's not weird. Right? Or like you know. Yeah, go go get a ice cream conversation cone talk. See if you guys get along and like. And they'd be pestering you to like you should see that girl. Did you call her back? That's normal. Immigrants set you up.

[Alyssa Lim]

Right. My grandpa had this girl across the river that he was always trying to get either of my. My brother or my cousin to. To. To date and every summary like you. She is doing so well in cheering. I know so much about this woman. Don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right.

[Alyssa Lim]

Selling off.

[Stavros Halkias]

And now the fact that paperwork just. My fucking spidey senses are tingling and it looks like by the way I tip my hat to this family. They found a good family of marks between your dumb ass parents and your fucking dumb self like yours turns on them. Do you want. Well they have to hear it because this is like crazy full of sugar.

[JP McDade]

Helps the medicine go down. Right. So for a second.

[Stavros Halkias]

So dude, you now look, if you want to go on a. A date or whatever with this woman, that's fine. But I just feel like you don't sound strong enough.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

To withstand the combined forces of your parents stupidity and your. And this family's con artistry right now. Maybe you're not. You're maybe you know this. If she, if she's like a 10, this is a scam. If this woman is a 10, they're not related. Exactly. They found her on Craigslist. She signed up for a modeling gig. She responded to an ad for a modeling gig. And they're like, look, here's the deal. This is a six month job, but at the end of this, you're going to own half a condo in Fort Lauderdale. That. So, so just I would say.

[Alyssa Lim]

Which is some. Any of us would have done at 22. Yeah. All right.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was going to get my eggs.

[Alyssa Lim]

I was like, whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, totally, totally.

[Alyssa Lim]

$10,000 felt it was like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or if they're like. Or if they're like. Yeah. Or if they're like. We're going to pay you this amount of money, money a week to just think of it as an acting gig. Pretend to love this man.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's what I'm doing anyway.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, yeah, fine. I'll get paid for it. Anyway, something's lighting up here. If you feel, if you want to go on a. No, you know, if you want to go to something like get coffee or just meet this woman or whatever. But otherwise I would say, say you can't do this. You also have to be prepared because you sound very. Immigrant. Ish. It sounds like maybe your parents have been even supporting you. You. I hear the guilt. Yes, I hear the guilt coming off you. You have to be ready to deny this and get your own shitty apartment with roommates. Live like everybody else, like while you're figuring out your career. But you say you're doing pretty well for yourself. So at the end of the day, this is your decision. This is your life. Don't let parental press pressure. Worst case scenario, it's a weird scam. Second, worst case scenario, it's weird parental guilt forcing you to just say you're marrying a woman that you haven't even met yet.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Either way, this is unacceptable. You're dumb for even thinking about it. Don't. Just because you're like you literally in theory you're like, be cool to this girl. Like, okay, but. And that's the other. Here's the other thing. Yeah, go on, hinge, whatever. Here's the other thing. Let's say this isn't the setup at all. But these are clearly some weird old world people. They're trying to sell off their hot 22 year old daughter. What if you. What if you're like it? I'll just her for three months. They're like, they will literally be like, you just. Her. Her dowry is worthless now. Her is ruined.

[JP McDade]

We did a Hyman inspection. The seal's broken, my friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just don't see a positive.

[JP McDade]

Basically, the other thing you put that is, like, the cultural aspect. Like, don't you want to be a Americans? Like, they're like the Cuban conservative parents typically want to be, like, in. You know, they want to assimilate to American cultures. Like, Americans, don't do this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

You know, don't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't try to sorry that. Sorry that Castro killed your grandparents for having slaves or whatever the horrible Miami Cubans all did. But, you know, he's like, oh, we were simple sugar farmers.

[JP McDade]

Just because.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyway, anyway, whatever. The point is, there's like 90 bad outcomes and one good one. Now they're. They're the. The only good one is this is truly and legitimately the love of your life. What are the odds that that's the case? Everything else, something bad is happening.

[Alyssa Lim]

So I'm also looking at this again. They have seen her, and they fell in love instantly. They're peering through a window. They didn't even meet this one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Alyssa Lim]

They're just looking at her.

[JP McDade]

Are they falling for an AI generated image on Instagram?

[Stavros Halkias]

I need to talk to this guy.

[Eldis]

I was. I'm setting myself as a target for Albanian jokes, saying this multiple times over the years. My mom floated like this family in Albania. They have a daughter. She just went to college.

[Stavros Halkias]

She just finished college. She's living at home. She's.

[Eldis]

She's pretty cute girl. You know, she was like, floating this. And yeah, she would, like, talk about marriage. And not even.

[Stavros Halkias]

Your mom's like, look, I know what my son looks like. We can get her a green card, though, so stop lowballing me. This is a ticket to America. You're putting in all four donkeys and I'm not hearing another word.

[JP McDade]

Her family could come up on a lot of potatoes if this deal goes down. This could be very lucrative for all people parties involved.

[Eldis]

So I do understand.

[Alyssa Lim]

I don't think.

[Eldis]

I don't think this is. I don't think this is as insidious as you guys are reading it. It's not like they're literally planning some.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, eldest with eldest with the arranged marriage apologia. You. You really are opening yourself up to old world dumbass jokes.

[Eldis]

It always. It always made me uncomfortable when my mom, like, suggested it, but I. I do think it's not insidious.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love your mom.

[Eldis]

What I hear in this call is just like this family's like, let's get our son married with another Cuban girl who's young.

[Stavros Halkias]

We don't even know if they're Cuban though, dude.

[Alyssa Lim]

I think.

[Eldis]

I think the subtext is there that we can assume.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, whatever. Look, you've got. You've got four different perspectives. You can choose. You can choose. And by the way, I would actually love. Love to. You know, I would love more con. If. Buddy, if you're hearing this, maybe consider calling into a live show because we need some more. We need to know what happened. And also, I just need to know what's going on here.

[Alyssa Lim]

Like, again, the not. Not into it twice is also it's interest. He's. And once your parents.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's a little like. Like if Eldis got the right. If you saw the right picture. If this is looking like Elijah Dushku when you're looking. If that's the kind of Albanian we're talking. Talking about.

[Eldis]

My mom flooded this, you know, in like early mid-20s, let's say if it got starker and starker and we were getting close.

[Stavros Halkias]

Early 30s. We were getting real close. I was right, by the way. I was there. It's a lot closer then than you're talking about. I remember that there was one. You were saved by one weird relationship. But if that girl hadn't you. You're applying for a V of visa for sure. You're looking into how. How much you would have had to. How. How long time served in the Albanian military is for sure.

[JP McDade]

It's pretty good over there, huh? Interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

God damn, that's so awesome.

[JP McDade]

My knee jerk instinct is to make fun of arranged marriages because it's so culturally different from anything. But like, we. We meet our future spouses in America in dumber ways.

[Alyssa Lim]

True.

[JP McDade]

Like, oh, you're not supposed to meet through your family. You're supposed to meet your. Your spouse with like your drinking buddies in your early 20s.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're supposed to see a picture she posts where you can kind of see her nipple and then DM her as a result and be like, what's up, girl?

[JP McDade]

Black, the orange face, sweating emoji.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. And yeah, absolutely. I mean, that is true. I'm trying to think about the hilarious ways that I've started dating people. But anyway, whatever you are, just remember.

[JP McDade]

Starting a conversation with a girl at a bar, being like, you kind of look like that girl. Blonde girl from 30 Rock. That could have been a whole life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Like arranged marriage.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. No, you're. You're right. But I just. Something about this does you have time?

[Alyssa Lim]

You're 22 and 27. Like slow it down.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, maybe guys, each day.

[Alyssa Lim]

Maybe you'll. Maybe if she's the one, she'll like find her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I guess. I guess if she's all about. The biggest red flag to me would be if you met with her and she wasn't like, this is pretty weak, right? But let's just. Let's. Let's.

[JP McDade]

Let's go out and get drinks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 100.

[JP McDade]

Excellent.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cannot wait. I cannot wait to be subservient to my master then. That's a big problem. But anyway, we've talked about this enough. Yeah, that's true. Hold on a second.

[Alyssa Lim]

Give me her number.

[Stavros Halkias]

A high Latina that will do whatever you want and doesn't really consider herself a whole person without you. Interesting.

[Alyssa Lim]

22. So young too. You're so R. I mean 22 right out of college.

[JP McDade]

She doesn't know who she is yet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, look. Or the other thing is me get married and then do the arranged marriage. You know, you both cheat on each other. You know, all that kind of the classic.

[JP McDade]

Then you have to be buried in the same grave. You have to like jump on a funeral pie or something. There's a tradition involved.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. All right, next question. I'm done talking about this guy's. What else you got? Little.

[Caller 1]

Hi savvy and a scene guest. My boyfriend and I are 22 and 23. We've been seeing each other for three months and he does not eat. I brought it up to him before and he said he had a bad experience with his previous girlfriend regarding the smell and the taste.

[Stavros Halkias]

Grow up.

[Caller 1]

She's the only other person he's been with. I'm trying to empathize with him because I. I'm sure vaginas don't taste like cupcakes. But I know that I keep everything extremely hygienic and healthy and balanced on there balance.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're doing ph tests.

[Caller 1]

Keep going down there. And I. I also just think he needs to just suck it up and deal with it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I agree with you.

[JP McDade]

Absolutely does.

[Caller 1]

Like balls don't taste particularly delightful. But I still get him head at least like two to three times per week.

[Alyssa Lim]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

Great.

[Caller 1]

And we have.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you can't reciprocate. He doesn't reciprocate. Yeah, yeah.

[Caller 1]

Multiple times per week on top of that.

[Stavros Halkias]

And when we have sex, you're just giving him head. Not leading into sex. You'll Just blow this guy.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's what I'm saying by itself.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he's not eating because I'm. I'm on record as saying like you gotta. You gotta like you have to have a like so you can't phase out oral sex in a relationship. That's nuts. Like people have been like that like when it's like oh we just. When it's sort of like you're. When you're dating and you're like pretending you're a freak more than you are and then you get into a long term relationship. But it's like.

[JP McDade]

Like people have called in like lying down.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's been the opposite where the like yeah, we don't. There's no one give. You know, I don't get sucked off at all. And it's like look you. You got to suck a little dick. You got to eat a little before. But a on its own blow job two times a week to three. To three.

[JP McDade]

That's a karmic jet.

[Stavros Halkias]

That must be that. I salute you. You're a go. I mean that we need some kind of like medallion to send this woman.

[JP McDade]

He better be the greatest gift giver of all time if he's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I and listen I like eating but I'm and like to just eat with nothing else. Pretty rare. It's usually leading up to a couple.

[JP McDade]

Times a year sex.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Like you know. You know, who knows? Maybe the vioxes.

[JP McDade]

Yeah it's part of a Wicca ceremony.

[Stavros Halkias]

But in the same way like a fully. A fully to completion blowjob with no other sex is like that's a top level in like we. We tip our caps. So anyway, this is crazy. Let's keep going though Elders a week.

[Caller 1]

On top of that. And when we have sex he finishes in like 20 seconds. The last time I brought up eating he said he's working on it or working up to it. But I also.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not diving off a high cliff.

[JP McDade]

I'm building up learning how to drop in at Woodward.

[Alyssa Lim]

Fish Market.

[JP McDade]

1516.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh my.

[JP McDade]

Can I shadow you a garbage truck driver just for.

[Alyssa Lim]

Just for an afternoon.

[JP McDade]

Just for a block or two.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is crazy.

[JP McDade]

It ain't that bad.

[Caller 1]

Just because he feels pressured to do it. I told him it's okay if you gay.

[Stavros Halkias]

But he keeps maintaining that isn't going right at that.

[Alyssa Lim]

No.

[Caller 1]

At this point I feel like it's not him that I need.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love how you found the. The one thing that's like ignorant about this. Like what are You a homo? Eat this box.

[JP McDade]

He counters with like, actually, in Jamaican culture, it's gay to eat. So it depends on who you ask.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, this is awesome.

[Caller 1]

So at this point, I feel like it's not even that I need head from him, but it's like the principal absolutely situation. So I'm hoping you could offer male perspective on. On this and also let me know if breaking up with him would be an overreaction. Love your show as a fellow Greek.

[Stavros Halkias]

There we go.

[Caller 1]

Your opinion in very high regard.

[JP McDade]

Too many Greeks.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is awesome. I like. Yeah, I really like this girl because she called in. This is like when a lawyer knows the answer and it's gonna prove her case. Like, what do you think about this? As if I haven't been the most on the record about these issues. Now, I will say we do usually get it from the opposite perspective. It's usually guys be like, my girlfriend won't suck dick, whatever. So we're going to be this. This is. We're completely. This. We give the same advice here. It's unacceptable.

[JP McDade]

Completely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Stop. Faith not giving head is unacceptable. Particularly if. Now, look, if it's two people who don't like giving head, they found each other.

[Alyssa Lim]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't respect you. I want nothing to do with you. Let me know so I don't invite you to my dinner parties and, you know, family functions.

[JP McDade]

But I don't like eating. You're not invited.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're not invited. Right. I want nothing to do with you socially. Right. If you're that. But it's like, whatever. Two people that don't like giving head, they find each other. They're fine having pen only penetrative intercourse.

[JP McDade]

Republican National Convention.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When they're not getting blown by. When the. Yeah, the guy. The guy only likes giving head to other guys secretly when he's in it. But. So this is a very cut and dry situation. There's no. The first thing you could do is be like, okay, well, while you're working up to it, I'm not sucking dick. Right. That's step one. You do that head strike, Right? Head strike. And I would do the same again, same thing if. If it was flipped. If you're eating and you're not. You're getting your dick sucked, you stop eating. And then if it's. If it gets to the point where you're like, hey, you know what? I would like some head. And by the way, I like giving head. This is the type of person I am. Right?

[JP McDade]

Be.

[Stavros Halkias]

This change. This is part of what I like in my, in my sex life with my partner. Yeah. And if he doesn't work up to it long enough. And by the way, he's busting fast.

[JP McDade]

Dude, if you're a fast buster and you're not using that golden arrow in the quiver, I don't know what you're doing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, that's the thing. I had to eat like Daredevil had to get all his other senses. I've said this many times. I'm Ray Charles. I became good at eating because my dick was so atrocious when I was like, like in your early 20s, when you're just. Every time you have sex, you're drunk and I'm unhealthy. My dick is not getting hard after eight Jack and Cokes and two burgers. So I learned how to eat right. This guy, if he's busting fat, like.

[JP McDade]

You'Re just lying down after that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly. You get nutted in. In 20 seconds and then you're like, okay. And he just, he just puts on Rick and Morty and he's like, that's good. And you're just laying there pissed off. This is unacceptable.

[JP McDade]

You better have fingers like David Blaine if you're not right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have to be the most top. And even that, that's a high level fingerer.

[JP McDade]

And that's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's a guy that's like, that's my case. That's LeBron. That's LeBron of fingering. You know what I mean? Either way, the bust co. The bust ratio has to be.

[Alyssa Lim]

Has to change. Okay. Can I just offer a little.

[JP McDade]

I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Alyssa Lim]

My. My only technical suggestion as someone who sometimes is a little bit of a germ freak.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Alyssa Lim]

Go. Literally, someone tried to shake my hand last night. I went, I. Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give him a Clorox, swipe his dick.

[Alyssa Lim]

Try it in the shower. Be like, come eat me out in the shower.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not. He's making excuses, but I respect that.

[Alyssa Lim]

Excuses. But it's like, be like, hey. Because he, he has this experience. Say this other girl he was with was whatever. Come in the shower and like. And then you. Cuz like, what do you mean you're working up to it? I don't believe that.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're insane.

[Alyssa Lim]

I don't believe that. Because like, what's going to change about.

[JP McDade]

Tomorrow versus what is this training montage?

[Alyssa Lim]

Montage. It's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're the best.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's like eating his flesh. Like, I don't think this is helping him. Throwing up. So I Think you got to go. Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

You're not giving him head. And you're like, hey, babe, we're going to come in the shower. Like, come to the shower and like, let's like, give it a try and see how it. Cuz. Cuz. Cuz if he immediately is like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Then you're like, okay, okay, this is over. You're rightly showered, Freshly showered. Like, you can't. There's no. Absolutely. There's no arguing against that. You can make no argument. You have. If you don't. If you're not eating or sucking dick right after a shower, you're never going to do it. Get out.

[Alyssa Lim]

Then you're not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you're deported. This is when I. This is when I say, this is the only time I support deporting people without their day in court. This is the only time I align with ice. If they put that on the thing, everybody else is allowed in. By the way. I'm very anti ice. But if they were like, whoever's not sucking dick or eating pussy out the shower back to fucking Belize with you, then I would tip my captain. But that's the only circumstance. I want to be very clear. I am generally against ice. And they have not. They have not put together that. As far as I know elders, that's not how they're conducting business.

[Eldis]

I don't think that's been put.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. So. Or anything to just put a button on this. Iman defund ice. In fact, put many of them in jail. But whoever doesn't suck dickory pussy out the shower, I don't want you in my country. Okay. So. Yeah. All right. Thank you. You know what? You know what? I take it back. They still get a trial because ultimately this is America. They get their day in court. But it should be a.

[Eldis]

That's big of you, man.

[Alyssa Lim]

Beautiful.

[JP McDade]

It's really beautiful about.

[Eldis]

Initially you feel so strong.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even though it is. Even though I think what they are doing is disgracing our country. There are fundamental elements, right? Even the KKK gets freedom of speech. Even people who don't. Who don't eat after eat suck dick after the shower. They even get their day in court, but they must be gone when they're.

[JP McDade]

Sending the head avoiders.

[Stavros Halkias]

So anyway, yeah.

[JP McDade]

Not giving head.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think you're. I think. I think we. I think you see our perspective right. Very clearly. The shower is a good move. It's even. You're even really going out of your way to accommodate him. But.

[Alyssa Lim]

But that's.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you really like this person and you think he might just be a little immature and be like, all right, here's how we start. Now, if even after that, like, you're saying he's not doing it, yeah, he's got to go, yeah. But, yes, you're not. You are not. And in general, in any relationship, if the bust ratio is too far off, that's grounds. That's grounds for breaking up.

[Alyssa Lim]

It's fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've been a bit of a nomad this summer. I thought I would get in the zone a little bit. I thought I'd be in one place. It's been tough. And historically, when I'm traveling around, I gain weight, I balloon up. Not so much. This summer, I have stayed moderately with my goals, even though my life's been all over the place. I've lost a little weight despite the chaos. And that's thanks in big part to our friends. At first Factor Meals. I moved. I moved apartments. I didn't have all my cooking stuff. Factor Meals was right there for me with beautiful chef prep meals that are dietitian approved and delivered right to my door. So many different options. I, I order them, I have them ready to go whenever I don't feel like cooking. Whenever I want something that falls right into my, you know, right into my goals, my health goals. Factors got it from, for me, a huge select. They got a huge selection of, you know, you have a lot of different varieties. You're not just penned into, like three or four choices. We're talking premium seafood, salmon and shrimp. No extra cost. Whatever your wellness goals are, you know, they have a new Mediterranean diet option, which I've been dabbling with because it's, you know, packed with proteins. I'm a protein boy these days, and, you know, I'm a Mediterranean, a son of the Mediterranean. It makes me feel at home. I like, you know, I also my favorite cuisine. I've been on the record. If I had to pick one type of food, it would be Korean food, Japanese food. I like what they got going there, and they have tons of Asian inspired meals with bold flavors influenced by China, Thailand and more. From more choices to better nutrition. That's why 97% of customers say that factor helped them live a healthy life. Feel the difference no matter your routine, Eat smart@Factor Meals.com Stavi 50 off and use code Stavi 50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code Stavi 50 off@Factor Meals.com for 50% off plus free shipping. Get delicious, ready to eat meals delivered.

[Caller 2]

With Factor what's up style? Longtime listener, first time caller. What's up elders? What's up guest? Hey, I got a question about my girl. Now I encourage her to do some self care because she has a, A pretty overwhelming stressful life at the moment. So I encourage her to do some kind of self care like monthly take care of meals, go get a massage, do something. Something that would pamper herself. Now she started getting these massages every month and the first time she got a massage it was by dudes. So you know, I didn't, you know, trip or nothing like that. But now as she's getting these massages on a regular, she's getting massaged by the same person. Now it's making me a little uncomfortable. Yeah, she's getting massaged by a dude, sure. But I don't know how to bring up.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is a tough one.

[Caller 2]

I want her to change masseuses or am I just being insecure?

[Stavros Halkias]

All right man, let me know.

[Caller 2]

Appreciate it.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is tough because there's no way to bring this up and not sound insane.

[Alyssa Lim]

That's right. That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even though I know what you mean. You know what I mean? Mean, like totally. Like this is stuff because like I'm sure this is a legitimate. This is not, you know, like what kind of place is this?

[JP McDade]

This is a person who got certified and like has a career doing this. Now as someone who keep their clients.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And as someone who's seen a, who's gone to a. Let's say range of different massage places, I would say the high end ones. Even if it's a guy, like if these are like you said, licensed masse's, they got a little uniform.

[Alyssa Lim]

They got that water when you walk in that has lemon slices in it.

[Stavros Halkias]

If the windows are not blacked out completely.

[Alyssa Lim]

If they close at 7pm Right, right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

If they're not open till 11:30, it's.

[JP McDade]

Called Totally legitimate massage party.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right. Like if this is a su. If this is a super legit place. Right. And you have no, no question about that. Then I don't really like. I think you gotta just eat this one because yeah, these are pros. Now do you know what this guy looks like? You know what I mean? Like if he. Like if this is cuz I've like thinking about the. I've. I. I did get. I had a really up back for. And so I was getting a ton of miscarriages massages but.

[Alyssa Lim]

Because your glory days on the football.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because. Yeah, absolutely. So I was getting, I was getting and Then at the end of the day, and I was getting massaged at a couple different places, and I found one place I really liked. I found one guy that I really liked. Right. I was getting seen by a bunch, a range of people, whatever. I was just trying to find somebody liked, found a guy. And once you find someone that figures out how to work out your specific. I. I always go to that guy when I have back problems, right to the point where it's like, I was, like, planning shit around, like, because he's in Queens. And it's like, even when I was traveling, I was like, oh, fuck my week off when I'm in Queens. Like, I got to see this guy. I don't want to get a massage with somebody else. So it's like, it's very possible that she just clicked with this guy. And I would say, if it's really making you uncomfortable, why don't you. Why? You should be like, wow, that's awesome. I want to go.

[Alyssa Lim]

By the way, I was gonna suggest a couple's massage.

[Stavros Halkias]

Couples massage.

[Alyssa Lim]

Hey, I love it. I'd love to come. Can we do a couple's massage?

[Stavros Halkias]

Massage?

[Alyssa Lim]

Just integrate. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or even go by. By the way, go by yourself. If this is just. If this is a fully professional guy, who we're pretty sure it is, right? Like, I think it would probably really. I think a lot of your worries would be taken away if you just went and saw this place, right. And experienced it. Because right now, it's just all you're thinking about is, like, the hottest guy you can imagine in the most erotic circumstances with candles.

[JP McDade]

John Redcor, massage.

[Stavros Halkias]

Massager. Like, the place that I go is, like. It's like a sports massage place where it's like, there's overhead. Overhead lighting. Private. Yeah, no, there's a guy next to me being like. Because the lady's elbowing him in his sciatica. Like, I think it would really help right now to you. It's just you're. You're thinking the worst, you know, is you don't even know this. This guy could be gay, right? There was. You know what I mean? Like, this could. Like, this could. There could be no problem. What whatsoever. There probably is no problem whatsoever. Now you could go there, and the guy's like, oh, and he's hot as.

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he's like. He's massaging. He's like, you got a really great girl, man. You gotta. You should be.

[JP McDade]

Your body's like a symphony that I love to listen to.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now it'd be awesome. This guy goes here, he starts dating this guy. He. He's like, getting harder than he's ever, ever gotten in his life. He's like, what's going on here? But I think that would be sort of my. I think you are ultimately overthinking this. I would say. And I. I would. I think if you're having these thoughts, I think a good step is go in there, even request the same guy. Because, hey, if this guy's so good, probably be. You know, he might be. He's probably a really good masseuse.

[JP McDade]

Get in there. Good name.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just go check it out. I think that's not actually. That's probably. That is how I would. I will put it that way.

[Alyssa Lim]

Bring it back down to earth versus, like you said, right now you're in worst case scenario.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're just thinking of the.

[Alyssa Lim]

And as always, of course, what else is this about? You got to always go to what else? Are there other things in the relationship that are making you insecure or feel scared? And it might be looking at those things instead. And maybe this is an easier place to go, but maybe it's like, oh, is there something else that's making you feel insecure in this relationship or in a past relationship?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, I think that's a great. I think that's a great, you know.

[JP McDade]

Crazy ass extra credit suggestion.

[Alyssa Lim]

Okay.

[JP McDade]

You say, honey, I. I actually booked you a massage therapist to come here to the house and work on you at home. And I'll. I'll be gone while it happens. And then you go away. You pull up in the driver you With a table and scrubs and oils, and you give her the massage. You make it your own.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think that's actually a horrible idea.

[JP McDade]

Actually into a role play scenario Car.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. It's like, she's like, I actually found a great m. Like, probably what this is, is she found the great Massuzu. It feels good to like, you know.

[JP McDade]

And it's hard, but role play scenarios.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And now you put it in her head that it's like she wants to her masseuse.

[Eldis]

She's not.

[Stavros Halkias]

So. Yeah. Anyway, I totally do get where you're. I literally am get. I do understand where this guy's coming from. But yeah know you just. This. That is how I would handle it. And then you go from there. You might get this massage and be like. You might see this place, be like, oh, you know what I mean? It's like, this place is nice. It's relaxing. The guy's gay. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care. Or you could just be like, you know what? Even if he's not, the vibes are right. He's very professional. Whatever. And it might completely now in the.

[JP McDade]

Off chance, chiropractor content out of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Alyssa Lim]

Say that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. If he doesn't have your girlfriend moaning on his ig, you're good. So anyway, that's how I would handle it. And then if you know now on the very off chance that you go there and it's still pissing you off, then you might have to have a conversation. It's like, hey, I don't. Let's just.

[Alyssa Lim]

And you always make it about you. I know that this is crazy. I'm feeling a little threatened by this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is this girl by. Could he be sending her right into the mouth of. Of the. Right into the mouth of the serpent? Like a sexy. By masseuse.

[Alyssa Lim]

Sexy lesbian asks her to. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

He gets massaged by like a dangly earring individual. And then who knows what happens from there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dangle.

[Eldis]

I wonder if she's like talking about him or something. Like, true. Sometimes there's that, you know, when, oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't wait to see Jonathan this month. That would drive me crazy.

[Alyssa Lim]

You bring them up, up, like out.

[Eldis]

Of turn for no context or reason in particular or God forbid, she's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, even if he has a girlfriend, you know, John and his girl invited us out to drink. Like they could be swingers for all you know. But yeah, if it comes up at all. Because that's like me bring up my dentist in conversation. You know what I mean?

[Alyssa Lim]

Like, that is so doctor if I'm.

[Stavros Halkias]

Talking about my dentist, who actually is a cool guy. Actually, I actually would if something. But he's him off. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't suck his dick, but these are cool. Cool guy. He's. He sees this. He's like, hey, man. Anyway, hope he's. He says he's watched Tires. I hope he's not a podcast listener. Great guy, though. I have to go in for some work soon. Hopefully I'm, you know, I'm going to schedule this before this airs just to be sure. But anyway, yeah, I think that's kind of how you handle it. Are you picking up on stuff? And if you're not, then I think Alyssa's right where it's like, is this about you? What is some other you could work on? But I definitely see where he's coming from. Totally. But, you know, there's ways to just deal with it. That don't make you feel. Don't make you seem crazy. All right. You got something short for us to go out on here, Eldis? Oh, yeah. Play it for us, buddy.

[Alyssa Lim]

Got some Greek stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's up, Stu?

[Caller 2]

In light of the recent episode with Steph to and the short conversation about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Boo.

[JP McDade]

Boo.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course.

[Caller 2]

I wanted to help Eldis out a little bit with a short Wikipedia search. We can see that Bubalina's father, Stavianos Pitoxis.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Caller 2]

Was an Arvinite.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, he wasn't.

[Caller 2]

The Arvinites were a group of Albanians. No Albanians.

[Stavros Halkias]

What was his name?

[Caller 2]

Ethnicity and Albanian speaking people living in Greece during the Byzantine and Ottoman rules. Was Albanian.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, she wasn't. No, she wasn't. No, she wasn't. Eldis and I will not. This is. This is ugly what you're doing here. On the way out, you know we have another guest. You know you're trying to sneak this out. You know we're on a time crunch here and you're going to just don't search. Bulina. Albanian? No, her father, Stavriano Spinozis. Does that sound Albanian to you, you prick?

[Alyssa Lim]

This is what if you look up stuff. Stavriano spinosis.

[Stavros Halkias]

You see? Yes, yeah, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Arvanites. They even have a cool Greek. Arvanites. No, Arvanites, dude. And by the way, they were fighting in the Greek war of independence. Okay?

[Eldis]

Albanian ancestry, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Eldis]

The Internet confirms it.

[Stavros Halkias]

The Internet does not go for the AI overview. Keep going down.

[JP McDade]

This is like when people try to say, oh, St. Patrick was Scottish or whatever. Like get the out of here.

[Alyssa Lim]

Also you, jp.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, they were Orthodox Christians. Interesting. A lot of Alban. What did the Albanians do? They bow down and suck the Pasha's and converted to Islam to avoid paying taxes. So you're telling me a guy named Go up. What was his name? An Orthodox. An Orthodox Christian named Stavrianos Pinotis was Albanian. Disgusting. Eldis, you should be ashamed of yourself. And the caller. You too. Anyway, that's going to do it for Stavi's world. Thank you to our kids guest, Alyssa Lim. Paris.

[Alyssa Lim]

Thanks for having me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jp. Hey, was just kind of here. We just. This was a very loosely planned episode. Jp Just kind of text. We found out you were in town.

[Alyssa Lim]

I ran into this guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ran into him. It was Per. You ran into the street. We're like, yeah, let's do it. We were. We, me and JP working on a separate project. We said, let's bring our old pal Alyssa Come on, let's have a episode and. Sorry, what? We should have done the circumstances earlier. Anything. Where can people find you anything you want to plug?

[Alyssa Lim]

Yeah, add a list of limp on everything. I got a lot of like I feel movies coming out. Yeah, I got some stuff coming out. My special no Bad Days is on Peacock about losing my dad. JP'd love to hear about it.

[Stavros Halkias]

JP watches and he's laughing at not even the punch lines. He's laughing at the setups about your dad's death. I was gonna bring up your guy's.

[JP McDade]

Mutual friendship with Lance Bangs, but now I'm not going to.

[Alyssa Lim]

He just directed it. Great guy. Yeah. The man. Anyway, yeah, thanks for having me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Thanks for coming, buddy. Mr. McDade, what do you. You know, we very rare rarely let you breathe fresh air here. On the free episodes, you're usually in the Patreon.

[JP McDade]

Frasier is streaming on Hulu.

[Alyssa Lim]

Check it out.

[Stavros Halkias]

The reboot of the original.

[JP McDade]

Original?

[Stavros Halkias]

The original. You don't like the reboot so much?

[JP McDade]

No, the reboot we don't acknowledge.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, okay, I agree. Frasier is a great show. I didn't realize. You know what? What's funny as I am going to literally watch Frasier now because I didn't know it was on Hulu, so great show. Check out who. You know Niles, he's. He seems gay, but he is straight. But that's kind of part of the fun of the whole show is they all kind of seem gay, but they all get.

[JP McDade]

So you guys English and gay and actually.

[Stavros Halkias]

And actually the dad is gay in real life.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who? John Mahoney, great actor, was also great in Moonstruck.

[JP McDade]

So this turned into a legitimate plug.

[Stavros Halkias]

Check out Fraser and Moonstruck. I'm not exactly successful shows and I'm not sure where Moonstruck streaming, but it's a great movie. Yeah. And anything, you know. And J.P. mcDade. What is it?

[JP McDade]

McD, Baby McDade. Baby J.P. mcDade.

[Eldis]

Check out in Brooklyn.

[Stavros Halkias]

In Brooklyn special. We produced it. It's on my page. Go check all that out.

[JP McDade]

Check me out at a golf course near you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. He'll be hustling people at a driving range. Yeah, we'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye, guys. Bye.