#144 - Dan Soder and Mike Vecchione

Summary

Stavvy's World #144: Dan Soder & Mike Vecchione

Date: September 1, 2025
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guests: Dan Soder, Mike Vecchione, Eldis (producer/sidekick)

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Overview

This episode of Stavvy’s World brings together comedians Dan Soder and Mike Vecchione—both notorious New York roommate survivors—for a raucous, nostalgic, and insightful hangout. The group reminisces about years of Astoria living, moving to Manhattan, and the ins and outs of male friendship and adulthood. The episode also features listener call-ins for advice, covering roommate drama, side hustles in sex work, awkward situations with exes, and more. Throughout, Stav and guests blend straight-faced advice with irreverent, biting humor, riffing on everything from landlord stereotypes to childhood fights to DNA tests and non-traditional families.

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Key Discussion Points

1. Farewell to Queens: Reminiscing on Roommate Life

(01:05 – 15:00)

• The crew addresses the transition from Astoria, Queens, to Manhattan, with Stav noting this is his "big goodbye to Queens" and the soon-to-close studio (02:16).
• Dan and Mike share stories of 10+ years living as roommates—highlighting challenges, living under train tracks, odd landlords, and neighborhood quirks:
  • “There are people that were starting to bring it up, like, comfortably. ‘So you guys just live together?’ And we’d be like, ‘Yeah, we sleep together. Okay.’” – Dan Soder (04:39)
  • Neighbors’ assumptions about their relationship and the blue-collar context of their living situation are a recurring, self-deprecating theme.
• Tales of weird landlords, acclimating in new buildings, and being eyed by suspicious doormen abound.
  • “There’s an older man who doesn’t respect me...An older African man does the night shift, doesn’t respect me.” – Stavros (09:53)

2. Movie & Pop Culture Tangents

(11:16 – 22:32)

• They riff about the Will Smith slap and how celebrities could have handled it after the Oscars (“If I were him, I would have done, ‘I was still in character. That was King Richard!’” – Dan Soder, 11:44).
• Dive into childhood crushes (Salma Hayek), confusion between Calvin Klein and Kevin Kline, and which movies shaped their youth.
  • “That began a lifelong... number one pick, for me, hottest woman of all time.” – Stavros (14:17)
• More riffing on old-guy comedies (Last Vegas, Wild Hogs) and how every ensemble movie is now either about men or women reclaiming their youth, e.g. "80 for Brady" (25:00).

3. Roommate Issues: Strife, Surviving in Astoria

(28:13 – 37:20)

• The messiness of sharing a one-bathroom, three-men apartment, with tales of black mold, smoking cigarettes while hungover, and living in a closet (“A testament to Dan’s charm—women would sleep in there with him,” – Eldis, 29:45).
• Tales of borderline derelict conditions (“Black mold was unofficially our fourth roommate,” – Eldis, 29:13) and ingenious hacks to cool an unvented interior room.
• Bathroom disasters, plumbing stories, and how shared living wears you down over a decade.

4. Male Friendship, Neighborhoods, and Getting Older

(36:23 – 43:59)

• The bittersweetness of leaving Astoria (“I miss Queens. It’s quiet. When you move to Manhattan, you’re gonna see, it’s very loud.” – Dan Soder, 36:23)
• The nuances of old-school neighborhoods, the diversity of Queens not just in ethnicity but in political beliefs (“The most Republican guys in the world live in Queens,” – Stavros, 18:11).

5. Personal Growth, Fights & Adult Conflict

(43:52 – 57:00)

• Discussions about fighting in youth versus adulthood.
  • “How does more road rage not end in people getting their asses kicked? Everyone in their car feels tough—then it’s a whole different story.” – Stavros (52:57)
• Tales of real-life scuffles: ethnic tension in young-adult football games (“It became legitimately a race fight: Greeks vs. Arabs”—Stavros, 46:34), high school and college brawls, and the urge to “avenge” disrespect to loved ones.

6. Listener Call-Ins: Advice and Group Therapy

Key Calls & Highlights:

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A. Roommate/Squatter Problem

(65:58 – 72:20)
Situation: Caller’s boyfriend’s best friend—a freshly divorced 'squatter'—won’t leave after a year, is filthy, and now lives in their basement.

Advice Highlights:

• Dan: “This is just disrespectful... He's like a human bedbug.” (71:19)
• Eldis: “You work on the boyfriend to give a date. The boyfriend's gotta do it.” (70:06)
• Consensus: The boyfriend has to set a hard move-out date and follow through. If all else fails, change the locks.

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B. Side-Hustle: Fetish Sex Work While Holding a ‘Real’ Job

(72:55 – 80:50) Situation: A listener does online fetish/sex work (selling underwear, custom media) to make ends meet, but risks losing her benefits job if discovered.

Advice Highlights:

• Stav: “Jesus Christ, America sucks... You can't just work a job and be okay.” (74:16)
• Soder: “It's all falling apart at the seams... I gotta go get in latex wrestling fights for my kid to get braces.” (74:49)
• Suggestions to minimize risk: conceal her identity (masks, pseudonyms, DTC sales), but note it’s always risky.

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C. Workplace Sobriety Dilemma

(80:55 – 88:39) Situation: A formerly sober guy got his job through a recovery friend. He “bossed up out of sobriety,” but hasn’t told his friend/co-worker, worried it could bring scrutiny.

Advice Highlights:

• Stav: “You just have to tell them. It’s crazy to lie about something like this.” (83:13)
• Soder: “Very rarely does anyone come back [from sobriety] successfully.” (84:21)
• General consensus: Tell the truth, be prepared for judgment, acknowledge it’s rare to successfully moderate if you had a prior problem.

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D. Messy Breakup and Being (Maybe) Falsely Accused of Outing an Ex

(89:19 – 96:29) Situation: Caller's ex cheated with a woman; someone anonymously told her religious parents. He says it wasn’t him but feels awkward.

Advice Highlights:

• Dan: “Why is it awkward if it wasn’t you?” (92:48)
• Stav: “Don’t use this as a way to pathetically weasel back into her life. You didn’t do it.” (96:43)
• Recommendation: Keep distance, offer basic sympathy, move on.

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E. My Best Friend Ruined My Boyfriend’s Family Reunion

(97:01 – 106:42) Situation: Caller’s bestie gets plastered, pawns kid off, starts fights, and cheats on her fiancé at a 112-person family reunion.

Advice Highlights:

• Soder: “This is SO 23 years old... you have no idea you’re the problem.” (100:40)
• Stav: “You should be more upset. Are you nonconfrontational, or (worse) do you think this is reasonable behavior?” (104:42)
• General consensus: This is unacceptable; she should grow away from such friends as part of adulthood.

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F. Biker with Multiple Stripper Baby Mamas—Update

(106:46 – 114:29) Update: Previous caller who impregnated “two strippers and two escorts” gives a fatherhood update.

Highlights:

• “Child support is not going to be that bad... Two of the four, well, we'll see.” (108:04)
• Stav: “He’s happy. Definitely a glass half full.” (113:34)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “You don’t own this anymore. You can’t hurt me anymore.” – Dan Soder, reflecting on roommate emancipation (32:57)
• “Parents do understand.” – Stavros, riffing on Will Smith’s ‘Parents Just Don’t Understand’ (13:25, 95:26)
• “This isn’t even a starter: he just goes, get the f*** out.” – Stavros, on handling the squatter situation (69:54)
• “A fat-titted Luchador. I like that.” – Stavros, on sex work anonymity solutions (76:06)
• “You brought your wolverine of a friend!” – Dan Soder, on the party-ruining bestie (99:42)
• “I put C into strippers.” – Dan Soder, on the biker dad’s achievements (113:50)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Saying Goodbye to Astoria / Roommate Memories: 01:05 – 15:00
• Landlord & Doorman Bits: 02:33 – 10:10
• Pop Culture–Will Smith, Childhood Movies, Kevin Kline: 11:08 – 17:30
• Black Mold & Living in a Closet: 28:13 – 31:40
• Shared Bathrooms & Plumbing Nightmares: 33:35 – 35:35
• Listener Call: Squatter Roommate Advice: 65:58 – 72:20
• Listener Call: Side Hustle Sex Work Dilemma: 72:55 – 80:50
• Listener Call: Breaking Sobriety / Workplace Tension: 80:55 – 88:39
• Listener Call: Ex Outed as Bi—Was It Me?: 89:19 – 96:29
• Listener Call: Best Friend Ruins Family Reunion: 97:01 – 106:42
• Caller Follow-Up: Biker with Stripper Baby Mamas: 106:46 – 114:29

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Tone & Style

Hilarious, conversational, equally tender and savage. The show’s heart is in the trenchant, self-aware explorations of masculinity, adulthood, and friendship—never too earnest before lobbing another zinger or riff. The advice portion is more group therapy with hard truths, always delivered with warmth beneath the roasting.

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Conclusion

This is a quintessential Stavi’s World: deeply personal nostalgia, lots of community call-ins, real problems, and absurd solutions, all wrapped in top-tier banter and affectionate roast. Soder and Vecchione are perfectly matched to the show’s blend of heartfelt and unhinged, making for one of the most entertaining, relatable hangouts in the podcast’s run.

Transcript

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[Dan Soder]

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[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

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[Dan Soder]

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[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

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[Dan Soder]

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[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

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[Stavros Halkias]

Welcome everybody, to Stavi's World 904, 800@STAV. Call in. We'll solve all your problems on the couch. To Stavi's World Legends. To Astoria, Queens Legends. We have two sets of male roommates of former male roommates on the pod. Me and ld Dan and my dance daughter, Mike Vecchione.

[Dan Soder]

This is. This is roommate swinging.

[Stavros Halkias]

I gotta go home with Eld tonight.

[Dan Soder]

A little eldest and then a little taste of Starbucks.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

Me and Dan are going to eat two pints of ice cream each tonight.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And Mike's going to yell me for smoking weed in the common areas tonight.

[Dan Soder]

And the hottest part is they let us wash. They let me wash a maroon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, Soda's like, that's not allowed. You can't smoke in the living room.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, you didn't wash your dishes. Someone's going to. Someone's going to get single leg takedown. Oh.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Boys, thank you for coming. We. Okay. We've had. We've had to address this one on one other app. This actually, chronologically, will be the first time we address it. Probably. This is going to be a big goodbye to Queens.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Honestly, I was, like, ready to get emotional.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. We. We were too. And we were gonna say goodbye to the studio. It lives a few more months. I've been having some disputes with the. You know, some.

[Mike Vecchione]

It does.

[Stavros Halkias]

It doesn't. The timelines might not match with me moving the studio to the new apartment.

[Dan Soder]

Greeks and landlords. Oil and water.

[Stavros Halkias]

Unless you become one.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the thing.

[Dan Soder]

Final form.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly.

[Eldis]

The landlords here for the background are Greek and Italian.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

The landlords in Astoria.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

So you just know that. But you. You ran head on into a problem because the landlords.

[Stavros Halkias]

You went to the wrong borough.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, that's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what I get. Honestly, legitimately, I got. I. I got this place that is too nice. I don't belong there. And so it's like every morning.

[Dan Soder]

You're Kevin Mallister.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I made my family disappear.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, dude.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you see the way the doorman still look at me, like, excuse me. How many times. Sir, can I. Can we help you? It's like, I live here.

[Dan Soder]

I love that you leave. And it's just two Dominican dudes being like, yo, that dude definitely only fans producer. They got to check the building, yo. I swear, they content. That's what they call the late night dud. The door guys just being like. And you're. And if you. You date attractive women, so you're gonna be bringing women home.

[Stavros Halkias]

I am kind of.

[Dan Soder]

No, I told you. Be.

[Stavros Halkias]

I am actually pretty excited to. For them to just grudgingly just be. To get more and more confounded about my lifestyle.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You're gonna blow their mind. You have a doormat going. Like, don't ever tell them what you do. I was very secretive about it. And then it's like, so you. What do you.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Big.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They know, like, the space.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. Totally.

[Dan Soder]

They talk about, like, door guys talk about apartments like horses. They, like, know how it runs.

[Mike Vecchione]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That's 16B.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Get away from you.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

How many times do you get an attitude with them when they stop you? Look, I'm your boss now.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You work for me.

[Eldis]

You work for me.

[Dan Soder]

No, no boss, baby.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm a man of the people. Of course. And I will be winning them over.

[Dan Soder]

Are you. Have you ever lived in Manhattan?

[Stavros Halkias]

Never.

[Dan Soder]

It was the first time for both sides, you know, living, of course, here for.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's why you were the perfect candidates to be the. Like, to be my shepherds from Astoria into Manhattan.

[Dan Soder]

As Mike. As Mike said on my podcast, he's like, I think we live there a little too long.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

There are people that were starting to bring it up, like, comfortably.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

We're like, so you guys just live together? And we'd be like, yeah, we sleep together. Okay.

[Eldis]

And then you realize two heterosexual men give themselves a bath.

[Dan Soder]

You're Greek. Isn't that your culture? We all splash around together. I didn't realize, though, that my little cousins definitely thought I was gay when I'd be like, well, my roommate Mike. And they're like, yeah, Your roommate?

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, you.

[Eldis]

You gave it okay to call him your partner.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Uncle Dan.

[Dan Soder]

It's fine. Uncle Dan, why are you being this way? I think it's actually kind of cool you're gay. What's that? Dinner table. What?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's JP's joke where it's like, it's actually way more pathetic to be straight men in their 30s living together.

[Mike Vecchione]

It's like it was way, way, way.

[Eldis]

In a blue collar area, no less. Blue collar gays.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yep.

[Dan Soder]

The debriefing of women. We would date to be like, I live with another man. I dated a girl that didn't like it. That she was like, what am I going to eat spaghetti with your roommate? In hindsight. A bar.

[Eldis]

But she refused to come. She refused to step foot.

[Stavros Halkias]

She never did.

[Dan Soder]

One time she wouldn' to queen. She went once, and it was like when a president visits a third world country and you go, you know, he wants more security.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Even though there is security, he wants more security. She met queens, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Scared to be.

[Eldis]

It's funny now, but at the time, Dan, you were like, hurt by it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course you were like, why don't.

[Eldis]

You want to come to Queens?

[Dan Soder]

Not a leper call.

[Stavros Halkias]

I live here.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. It's like a great neighborhood. It's got a lot of charm.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Dan Soder]

Then I'd date other girls and they'd be like, oh, my God, I love it. Like, go to the park and like, this place rules.

[Stavros Halkias]

Go to the park, great restaurants.

[Eldis]

And once they get used to falling asleep under the train.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, the train is.

[Mike Vecchione]

Don't think about it.

[Dan Soder]

Like, think about it like, chug, chug, chug, chug. And then she's asleep every time.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. That is funny. You literally lived under the train tracks, my brother.

[Dan Soder]

When they would hit those brakes, it was a lot.

[Eldis]

It was time to get up.

[Dan Soder]

16 years just hearing like, I hope it was a person at this point. It better be a person.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You would root for a to stop the tracks for a half hour and.

[Dan Soder]

Then you go, awesome. Peace and quiet. Thank you. And finally some peace and quiet in that guy's life too. The best one was the. The most enjoyable thing is because we lived under the train on 31st street was when a truck would turn off the highway and not gate. Read the sign. That was like, hey, you cannot be over. Like, however, like 15ft. And they would get stuck under the train. And it happened like, I was there for 15 years. I'd probably say it happened at least five times.

[Mike Vecchione]

Wow.

[Dan Soder]

Where you Just you're like.

[Eldis]

I did that with a rental truck. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's.

[Eldis]

Luckily I got full insurance on the.

[Dan Soder]

People that are even fully insured.

[Eldis]

But I didn't. I didn't clear the trestle.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. Fully insured.

[Eldis]

Yeah. So I brought it back. I'm like, your problem now.

[Dan Soder]

So funny. It's peeled back.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's an interesting. Should we like join a fucking demolition derby with a fully insured. Like, what's stopping you from crashing a car if you fully insure it? That's genius.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You play bumper cars.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I'm so sorry. I didn't see you. You go, oh, I saw you.

[Stavros Halkias]

We should. We should film an action movie. Yeah, we film an action movie where bullet holes in a thing and be like, fully insured, pal. You have to take it. Enterprise.

[Eldis]

Fast and Furious actually is. That's what they just did car chases and filmed the story.

[Dan Soder]

Right. You talk Vin Diesel. He goes, it was all an insurance scam.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

A lot of people don't know this. I was ripping off all state.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

What a beautiful.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, you guys, you weren't roommates for. Wasn't. You lived there 16 years.

[Dan Soder]

But it wasn't all. We lived together 10 years. I lived there 14 years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Beautiful.

[Eldis]

Three years past common law marriage.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Still binding. Still binding.

[Dan Soder]

Who's. I'm not taking you to court. You got married to a lady.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Dan Soder]

Dude. You went and broke it. Dude, I'm going to own that apartment.

[Stavros Halkias]

You should ask for now.

[Dan Soder]

I'm going to come. I'm going to come home and go to my Katie. I'm going to go, guess who owns.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's right. You're both going to marry Katies.

[Eldis]

Katies.

[Dan Soder]

We're. We're a TLC show.

[Eldis]

Dan's my brother. Husband.

[Dan Soder]

Is fine. You're not progressive.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

How does it feel to be a married man, Michael?

[Eldis]

Oh, my God. It's awesome.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, I love it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Big changes. Nothing really changed or what?

[Dan Soder]

Well, we moved.

[Eldis]

The. The apartment was a big change and now Dan and I have a beef with whose doormen are tougher. So we go back and forth. My doorman versus your doorman any day of the week.

[Dan Soder]

Explained it to me earlier.

[Eldis]

Stop. You want in on it. You're with your door people.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think I like my guys, but.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, that's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's a couple of guys that you're a potential.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You're gonna see how strong they are.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's an older man who doesn't respect me. He does the night shift. An older African man doesn't respect me.

[Dan Soder]

I can't wait for you to have that moment when I get. Because I don't like you. What is your problem?

[Stavros Halkias]

Goodbye. Never come back when I'm moving out.

[Dan Soder]

What is your problem with me? I don't like who you are. You always smell like weed. Who are these women? You.

[Stavros Halkias]

You are not living in a fearful way of God. You are not doing this.

[Dan Soder]

I fear that you do not believe in Christ. You are a sinner. That's so fucking funny that at the end, you guys love each other.

[Stavros Halkias]

I hope so.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, he's at your wedding.

[Stavros Halkias]

We had a big talk yesterday about the keys. You know, about the extra key. See, I didn't get an extra key. He doesn't believe me.

[Dan Soder]

Thinks, oh, this is a real rom com. Rom com beginning. Yeah, he was an African doorman. He was a crazy successful podcaster. Looks like they're both getting ready for the night shift. It's Kevin Hart doing a bad. It's you and Michael Blackson.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's going to be. It's Will Smith's character from the NFL Concussion movie.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, from Concussion Africa.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Concussion.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tell the truth.

[Dan Soder]

You don't remember.

[Stavros Halkias]

Will Smith really tried to get an Oscar.

[Dan Soder]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then he did the day he slapped. It's crazy. Like, I think people forgot he won the Oscar on those Oscars. Yeah, for King Richard, Best male actor.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's insane.

[Eldis]

Everyone's going like, everyone's just remembering the slap.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You slap Chris Rock. He goes, anyways, I pretended to be another man.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I'm sorry, dude. If I were him, the first thing I would have done is like I was still in character. That wasn't Will. That was King Richard. That was King Richard, father of Serena and Venus. You got. You were no dad. That's always the weirdest to me is when they do biopics. Like, the people's kids have to be like, yeah, I don't know. My dad didn't talk like that. He's like, you got to go out there and play tennis. That's not how that went.

[Eldis]

Yeah, but then Will should have hosted a show, and then Chris should have went up and slapped him. Even he could have just been doing fake shows like Spy Spy, smacking each other back and forth. That way you don't even know what's fun. The first one even real.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. It just becomes the modern version of Spy Vers Spy, where they're like dropping anchors on each other. You have to keep Coyote and Road Runner.

[Eldis]

Yeah, but that would have been the funniest solution to that. If they just would have made up right afterwards and then not told anybody. And then. And then Will was doing an award show and then Chris smacked him.

[Dan Soder]

Not let it go full K. Here's how we're going to do it, brother. I'm going to slap you at the Oscars now. I'm going to work you stiff afterwards. We're going to talk, have some beers at the bar with the boys, and then we go on the road and, I mean, we get real heat. We're going to black towns, white towns. We're doing some real stiff stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

I hope Will's doing good these days.

[Dan Soder]

He's not. He's in London rapping and no one's caring. See that video?

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

He dropped a few free. Like, at least one. Freestyle is pretty weird.

[Dan Soder]

It's not. I mean, I'm a white dude. It's not bad, but it's not good.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's funny for him to be like, I have to return to my roots of it feels.

[Dan Soder]

Midlife crisis.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Parents do understand.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Why don't you do that song, Defend the Parents?

[Stavros Halkias]

Parents do understand.

[Dan Soder]

You got a kid that dresses up like a house.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It's got to make you feel a certain type of way.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, I'm rooting. We're rooting Free Will here at Stavi's World. And you're always welcome as a guest.

[Dan Soder]

He'll be on here tomorrow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Freestyle, we'd love to talk about. I want to see Wild Wild west in theaters.

[Dan Soder]

Who didn't? This is summer blockbuster.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I did. I mean, I think. Was that after Men in Black or before?

[Dan Soder]

I think it was. I want to say after. It was Salma Hayek.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Push up.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was my introduction that. That began a lifelong.

[Dan Soder]

That was how you found out about.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my brother in Christ.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

99. Because I was. I was desperado is how I was 10. So that was the first thing I saw in theaters. That was the first of her work on the Hayek.

[Dan Soder]

Easily.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The number one pick. For me personally, number one hottest woman of all time.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

So I did a table read with her and I. Oh, wow. It was like looking at this.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Dan Soder]

Why.

[Stavros Halkias]

Why is that? We're looking up. I asked you to find men in black or that first, then you go bikini.

[Dan Soder]

Good job.

[Stavros Halkias]

And also a visual thing. I was Men in Black first. So. Yes, clearly as children, it's like, well, we got to see whatever Will makes now.

[Dan Soder]

Will was. I mean, this is awesome. I loved after Independ Day, Men in Black. Independence Day was like, oh, Will Smith is a movie star.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I think my mother didn't let me watch into like my mom was pretty sheltered when we sheltered us. We were little and so I think Men in Black was. And obviously I was a Fresh Prince guy.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then. And then Men in Black and then Wild West. Great. Loved it. Still root for still. I've never seen it since. In my head. It's a good movie. And I also thought Kevin Klein was Calvin Klein.

[Dan Soder]

Like the underwear.

[Stavros Halkias]

I thought I was like. I literally was like, wow, this guy.

[Dan Soder]

Had the same problem with him.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was like, wow, this guy makes underwear and he's an actor.

[Dan Soder]

The movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy's good.

[Dan Soder]

The movie. Dave clarified that for me. That's where he plays a stand in for the president.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

And he's actually a better guy than the president. Yeah.

[Eldis]

That happened in real life with Ronald Reagan. No, no.

[Dan Soder]

Joe Biden.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I would be surprised if we found out half of our presidents had stunt doubles.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

For real.

[Eldis]

Yeah. That was a great movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dave's a good movie called Wanda. Oh yeah.

[Eldis]

That was a great one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Client. We're on Klein watch right now.

[Dan Soder]

Dude. Welcome to the Klein. Welcome to the clientarium.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I think. Didn't he end up. He ended up marrying Phoebe Case.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The hot.

[Dan Soder]

The from Fast Times at Ridge.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah. Yep, yep.

[Dan Soder]

Look at him. Oh, wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wait a second.

[Mike Vecchione]

Hold on.

[Dan Soder]

Three fell in the Big Chill.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think I know his son.

[Dan Soder]

What? How do you know Kevin Klein's son? Because. Get him on the podcast. I'll come back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wait, for real? I think I met that guy.

[Dan Soder]

I'll do 90 minutes on Dave. Dude. I'm not afraid.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's awesome.

[Dan Soder]

I'll burrow in some Dave. What a good looking family.

[Stavros Halkias]

Great looking family.

[Dan Soder]

Phoebe Cates was.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fast Times. Great movie.

[Eldis]

But they always do. Where is she now? And it's like. Yeah, it was this with Kevin Klein. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They should go. Where'd you know? Are you familiar with Kevin Klein? Not Calvin Klein.

[Stavros Halkias]

Have you seen the movie where it's like. It's one of those like old guys in Vegas movies. Kevin Klein is in it.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like a Wild Hogs, but it's even older. It's like they're last Vegas.

[Dan Soder]

And we got it. We got Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman.

[Stavros Halkias]

When did we watch this Elvis?

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

We watched this on the road today in Kansas City.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it was awesome.

[Dan Soder]

He's a saint to your people.

[Eldis]

Yes, he is. God, a lot of My people have turned on him now.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, because he's against.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's a woke tard. Look, all I'm saying is look at who he dates. It gets in his head. You suck. You eat enough black juice, it seeps into your brain.

[Dan Soder]

It's like mold. It's like black mold. Jesus Christ.

[Stavros Halkias]

They are brainwashing him. One piece of pushy at a time. We gotta get Bobby. We gotta cure him.

[Dan Soder]

What happened to Bob?

[Eldis]

It always starts out too. It's like, I used to like him.

[Dan Soder]

He used to be cool. Ask him how much did I love Raging Bull? Ask him. And now he's saying that, what? They're gay people. Gay kids need to be protected. What is that not the Bobby De Niro that I love?

[Stavros Halkias]

I will say that is a nice. Another element of a story. It's like, it feels like the suburbs where you just will have blocks of incredibly conservative people in New York where it's like, I like. It really is the most diverse neighborhood where it's like not just foreign, like people from foreign lands, but like you get like the most Republican guys in the world live in Queens too. And like within these boroughs, like, you get a lot of Staten island vibes.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

You get old Greeks, you get old Italians.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

It always used to be better years ago.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

Remember, you could leave your doors unlocked until you know who insert the ethnic moved in.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Meanwhile, in this neighborhood, there's like pieces.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but these Egyptians, they love pie. They say it's like a little. They say it's like a tomb for fruit.

[Eldis]

Before it was a hookah fest.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I gotta smell great.

[Stavros Halkias]

What happen to smoking cigarettes? You roll it up. You don't put it with some grape soda and drink it and smoke it.

[Dan Soder]

Alibaba. Why is it got to smell like strawberry around here?

[Stavros Halkias]

What are you, the caterpillar from Alice Wonderland?

[Dan Soder]

Are you on the Epstein list? Why you. The way that little girl go. Is that what we're calling it? Neverland? Cor it. I was a murder detective for 40 years. Oh, God damn, dude, I love an old guy one last time. And then they always meet a young chick that's like, you're so young.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that's what I was looking for.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want.

[Dan Soder]

I want this one where four, all four of them die.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I believe. Oh, that would be awesome. They all try and pathetically get pussy. They all get rejected and they go, their dicks don't get hard.

[Dan Soder]

And there's like Diane Keaton who's like, I'll jerk you off. And they're like, old women are accepting of us. No one wants them either.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think Kevin Klein, like a young woman was basically begging to him and he was like, no, I love my wife, it turns out.

[Dan Soder]

Oh man.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then there was some kind of ladies.

[Dan Soder]

Love's real.

[Stavros Halkias]

Love's real. There's some kind of love triangle between Dairo and Michael Douglas in this.

[Dan Soder]

Sure it ain't Morgan Freeman. Hello.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I think Morgan Freeman was just getting.

[Dan Soder]

He's like, oh. He's like, you guys are going to love her. Yeah, she lives in. She lives in Henderson. I can't do a Morgan Freeman. I know people. I can't do Morgan Freeman. I don't really trying.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, interesting. You could get it if you probably.

[Dan Soder]

Let me go train on the mountain.

[Eldis]

Watch Shaw Shank.

[Dan Soder]

Watch your set. Watch your.

[Stavros Halkias]

Here's, you know like the hacky way. It's like. And it do frame. You know what I mean? Get a little higher, dude.

[Dan Soder]

You imagine how annoying it is for Katie to live with a voice guy? Andy Du Frain.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, there you go.

[Dan Soder]

Andy Du Frain. Dan. I'm watching TV. Andy du Frain. Sets of 20. Andy du.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean even there.

[Eldis]

Honey, I just racked it. 10 cents of 20.

[Dan Soder]

Queue up it. I want to watch the part where the guy hangs himself.

[Lowe's Announcer]

They never.

[Stavros Halkias]

They never suck each other off in Shaw Shank. Is that just Vegas?

[Eldis]

No, but the sisters remember and sure, sure, sisters would.

[Stavros Halkias]

There is a vicious pack of gay rapists. I remember that but I just meant like it's kind textual that they have a. They have like a romantic relate like Andy and running away.

[Dan Soder]

Running away to Mexico.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a little, you know.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do they kiss?

[Dan Soder]

He's like, Andy, not right now.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

Yeah, that's why Red killed himself when he got out. Because he missed the gay sex.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it was here and was satisfied. I cleaned it up so it looks more suicide than gay sex.

[Eldis]

The world got itself in a big hurry.

[Dan Soder]

I fell to my inside of me.

[Eldis]

Can'T keep up with the grocery bagging.

[Dan Soder]

I got pounded out on that beach cheek to thigh. Andy could itch my scratch.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's get the scratch.

[Dan Soder]

My itch. I suck.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's get the. No, you're doing. Hey, you're. You're really funny. You're doing.

[Eldis]

Stop. Can we. Can we go to traffic and Transit.

[Stavros Halkias]

On the ones Ds having an issue, folks. I'm in beautiful Italy, you know. Got my thighs out. You know what I'm wearing on the beach? Chubby's baby. These weren't even provided by the Chubby's Corporation. These are mine. These are a legacy pair of swim trunks. I've had these for years. I wanted to find my favorite pair. What did I bring to me on a little European vacation? Chubbies, you animals. And we got good news for you. Chubby's. Now if you're stoked for the NFL season, they got an NFL partnership. I got my Ravens gear.

[Dan Soder]

Already?

[Stavros Halkias]

I didn't bring it with me. I packed last minute. I forgot to bring it. I wish I did. You will see me in Ravens Chubbies gear all season long. All right? Whatever you want. Swim trunks, shorts, you know what I mean. Comfortable polos. They got it all, okay? They got it all with your favorite logo, your team's favorite logos. Like I said, you're going to be seeing me drip the hell out in some Ravens gear from Chubby's. Finally, two of my favorite, two of my big loves, the Chubbies Corporation and the Baltimore Ravens, have merged. And look, maybe you're a fan of a shittier team than mine. We're going to the super bowl this year, okay? This is our year. Maybe. You know, whatever kind of whatever fan you are, Chubby's will have you decked the hell out in some comfy gear just for your team alone. And would you look at this, folks. For a limited time, our friends at Chubby's are giving our listeners $10 with the promo code [e-mail] stavisworld. That's $10 off your order with the promo code Stavis World. No apostrophe S, T A V V Y S W O R, L D. And that includes the NFL collection. Support our show and tell them that we sent you. Express yourself and level up your game day wardrobe with Chubbies. We need the sequel to the. There should be a Las Vegas style sequel to Shawshank. Yes, where it's a light hearted romp where they're 80 getting pussy in Mexico.

[Eldis]

What do you mean you were in.

[Dan Soder]

Prison for 10 years? Well, I've done dug my way out of worse.

[Stavros Halkias]

What a nice genre.

[Dan Soder]

It's like Wild Hogs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wild Hogs began it. There was.

[Dan Soder]

Now the ladies are into it. 80 for Brady.

[Stavros Halkias]

80 for Brady.

[Eldis]

Oh yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do they get in that? Have you guys seen.

[Dan Soder]

I bet it's the same thing where it's like I've never been with a guilt. Call your mom. Look at this. Sally Field can still catch it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Best friends getting the best.

[Eldis]

Now What?

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the idea that this is somehow involves Tom Brady.

[Dan Soder]

They're all Patriots fans and they.

[Stavros Halkias]

It doesn't make any sense. The trailer do not like the Super Bowl.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. For four best friends who live life to the fullest despite every challenge. Take a wild trip to the super bowl to see their hero, American football star, Tom Brady. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

80 year old women are of soups Brady super fans.

[Dan Soder]

Oh yeah.

[Eldis]

And Brady is a producer on this. So he set this.

[Dan Soder]

No, he's not.

[Eldis]

Yes he is.

[Dan Soder]

Tom Brady so funny. Yeah, that's so funny. Guys, Tom Brady's gonna pitch us a movie and he says he can get us Jane Fonda and Sally. Check this out. Old chicks wanna me so they come watch me throw. I don't know. Probably go 26 to 33 for 247 and three tuddies. Get some real reju juiced. I want to call it re juiced. Where their rejuvenated.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, they do the TB12 method. Gets juicy again.

[Dan Soder]

I'm warm and gushy again.

[Eldis]

Reinflate, reinflate, reinflake. That's part two.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give them fake tits. Now we're really. Now we're really cooking with gas.

[Dan Soder]

Remember? Did you see.

[Eldis]

You gotta stop using that when you move to Manhattan, you gotta stop using phrases like that.

[Dan Soder]

Why do you have gasoli?

[Stavros Halkias]

Propane gas is not acceptable.

[Dan Soder]

Why are you barbecuing in your apartment? They Tom Brady. That absolutely is so funny that he produced that. It was just like, yeah, make a movie where they all.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's like a weird. He's like, look, I'll produce a movie for old ladies, but I have to be involved for some reason.

[Dan Soder]

They gotta really want me. Well, it's actually this movie. It's. It's about women finding themselves later in life. A passion. And we're.

[Stavros Halkias]

He goes, yeah, me, I'm the passion. I bring it all together.

[Dan Soder]

Let's do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, let's do it.

[Eldis]

And this is why Bella check went younger.

[Dan Soder]

It is, you know, is the reason. He goes, I had a teenager.

[Stavros Halkias]

I didn't say anything. God, you're bad at producing.

[Dan Soder]

You guys want to watch the whole movie? I was like.

[Mike Vecchione]

More than anything.

[Dan Soder]

More than anything. Please let me sit here for 90 minutes.

[Stavros Halkias]

I saw you, I saw you have some kind of sense of urgency. I was like, what is he up to? He's like, what pull what up? I was like, I didn't say it. We were just on by 80 for.

[Dan Soder]

Salma Hayek baby oil.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, but don't get.

[Dan Soder]

Damn it. I love you have that locked and loaded up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do not get my dick hard right now, Elvis. I have to focus on doing the podcast. But yes, she is incredible. Shout out to Salma.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, she number one now what?

[Stavros Halkias]

Boys, let's. You know, even though it isn't this farewell episode, I am curious. What were the greatest. What were your greatest moments of strife as roommates? You know, did it ever. What was the greatest disagreement not to bring?

[Dan Soder]

I never really had any. Yeah, it was always stuff that I would do that was up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

We talked about on my podcast. But I would. I would smoke when I took shits when I was hungover.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Wild behavior.

[Stavros Halkias]

You would smoke weed while cigarettes smoke cigarettes inside.

[Eldis]

It's a clear vice violation of the no smoking in the house.

[Dan Soder]

A naked smoking d. Insane chappelle on the toilet. I'm about to throw out some mulch and it's gonna come out of my butt. I did a four hour. The reason Mike Veone won't take a bath. Cuz the shower isn't dirty. But what he doesn't know is the shower's never been clean. Clean.

[Eldis]

There was. Yeah, there was three of us in there, but black mold was unofficially our fourth.

[Stavros Halkias]

You four through me.

[Dan Soder]

I put a. I put a garbage bag over it because our landlord didn't take care of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's awesome, dude. Wait, was that. Was that a one bathroom?

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's insane. You shared a bathroom for decades.

[Eldis]

Oh, no, that's. That's the least of it.

[Dan Soder]

He.

[Eldis]

He slept in a room that wasn't a room.

[Stavros Halkias]

I remember that when it was a closet.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, closet.

[Eldis]

It was a closet. And went. And you know, this is a testament to Dan's charm. Women would sleep in there with him.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

They would go, there's no problem with me sleeping in a windowless room where he jammed the fan in there and kept the door. Or he would die. He knew it was like a tank.

[Dan Soder]

It get very hot. And I would give him a moment of scare before I laid with the lady where I'd go, welcome to my trap. No, I'm just kidding. That's a little thing I do. You want me to suck your butt? No. It was funny. You couldn't shut the door. Like, if you shut the door during the decks, it was like scuba diving.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You were like, we have a limited amount of oxygen, so we got to make this work. And then post quarters. You kick the door open.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And I would do. We had a. We had a air conditioner. Right. Like in the living room. That was like, high up. And then I would put a fan.

[Stavros Halkias]

To guide the air in, and then.

[Dan Soder]

Another fan and then another fan to bank it into my room, where you would feel the breeze. And you go, breeze is coming.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, it was the.

[Eldis]

It was a game of angles.

[Dan Soder]

It was.

[Eldis]

But, you know, you couldn't throw anything out while he was sleeping because he cracked the door. And the garbage was, like, right across from his door being cracked. So if you were gonna throw something out and you hit that pedal that put the top up, it would make a noise, and it would wake him. Only the roommates would know something.

[Dan Soder]

And now you got a garbage troll giving you riddles. He's like, I just wanted to throw a gum wrapper. What has eight legs in the morning? In the afternoon, he's like, dude, I just want to throw it in my trash.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's beautiful, man.

[Eldis]

And Dan lived there for years.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I lived in that room for eight years. The little room, the windowless room. I did total eight. One year.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's crazy.

[Dan Soder]

One year in, I got a year break and I moved to the second biggest room, which was Vecchion's room.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But then I moved back into the windowless room for six years after that. It's pretty crazy.

[Eldis]

Getting too full of yourself in a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Room with no windows.

[Dan Soder]

I really.

[Eldis]

Windowless for six years.

[Dan Soder]

Want to know where my confidence is? I accepted that. I was like, this is where I should be.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Just under the stairs, like a little.

[Stavros Halkias]

And this is when you were drunk? A drunk.

[Dan Soder]

I got sober under the stairs.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Wow. And then that was even tougher.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

He quit smoking. He read the. He read the smoking.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that was one of the things I used.

[Eldis]

Now you read the drinking book and then the no smoking.

[Dan Soder]

I used to smoke cigarettes in the windowless room when I was blackout. And I'd listen to, like, cry songs. Oh, my God. I'd be listening to, like, to smoke.

[Stavros Halkias]

A cigarette in girl jams release.

[Dan Soder]

Just being like. Like six. Dude. I'm talking about six.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's lunacy. To have a not. I mean. I mean, to smoke indoors of. The window is up. It's up. But no window.

[Dan Soder]

I was very drunk.

[Stavros Halkias]

So it would go out into just the common area.

[Dan Soder]

No, I keep the door shut until it just dissipated. Sweating and smoking.

[Stavros Halkias]

So that was your version of being a good guy. It's like, I didn't open the door.

[Eldis]

Menthol steam room.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Lights, dude. Come on. Come on, dog. You know I don't. Don't touch me.

[Eldis]

You don't own this Anymore.

[Dan Soder]

You don't own this. You can't hurt me anymore. Through your wall. It was weird sharing a wall with one of your close friends for, like, five years. Yeah, because you're like, you know, girlfriends come and go and you hear arguments that are like.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then you, like, come out of the kitchen and see him. You go, everything all right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, come on. Who are you talking to? Yeah, I've said it before. I know. I knew. I knew the rhythm that eldest at.

[Dan Soder]

It's so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

I could, you know, his. I would just, like. Like, we shared one bathroom. Our friend Christina lived here. She had. When we first moved here.

[Dan Soder]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

She had the. It was like. She's the only one with, like, a real job. She's a girl. We want to be respectful. And boy, oh, boy, you talk about me and eldest at 26 shitting in the same bathroom. I mean, how often would that bathroom break?

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

Like, we had a lot of plumbers.

[Stavros Halkias]

In every, like, every, like, three months. We would just destroy the toilet.

[Eldis]

We've.

[Stavros Halkias]

That toilet's been replaced. Maybe we've been here 10 years. We've been replaced like, four times. Physical toilet. Not like a plumber had to come in. Like, they put new toilets in these things.

[Dan Soder]

And what are you, acid?

[Eldis]

And then fiber intake of this apartment.

[Dan Soder]

Well, we also have that fiber store down the street.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then Elvis moved into this room, so he had his own. But Hugh clogged it. What, daily?

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

It was pretty bad. Not daily, but, yeah, there were.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, three times a week.

[Dan Soder]

Did you get comfortable fixing it after a while? Like, I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

You know what you can get away with.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what?

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

The first clog, you see the water level. You're like, I think I could try.

[Dan Soder]

One more flush before I need to.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

Get the plunger out.

[Dan Soder]

Is that thing going to break? You're like, hold one more dump.

[Stavros Halkias]

Steady, steady.

[Dan Soder]

Just a log. D. One log.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

One time. One time I clogged it, and I. I miscalculated the second flush, and it, like, overflowed over the rim. It's just one afternoon. I had to spend, like, 40 minutes cleaning that up.

[Eldis]

That'll teach you to have a big lunch.

[Dan Soder]

You're gluttony. Your gluttony cost you. We. There's always going wrong in our building. And one morning I woke up, I was, like, going to go to the gym. Was going to have, like, a good day, and I woke up and I'm, like, pissed. I turned the light on, I'm pissing, and I'm like, why is it like darker in here. And I look up and we'd run those round bulbs and it was filled with overflowing water from upstairs that came into the thing and I was like, oh, no.

[Eldis]

Flowed. Their tub.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God.

[Dan Soder]

All the way through our wall in the thing. So when you unscrewed it, it was a thing full of water, like gross water. Oh, it was sick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tub water that's filtered through a floor and then a ceiling.

[Eldis]

Oh, Dan used to have the best catchphrases. Leaving the apartment. All right, where you going, Dan? I'm about to go have an iron breakfast. That's what he called going to the gym.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I'd always say shit that he could quote me if I died. Where he'd be like, hey, you got spots tonight. Where you going? I'd be like, change the game.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that. That's my favorite one.

[Eldis]

It's like Dan Soder. It's like, dan, where you going tonight? Go change the game.

[Dan Soder]

We go to the gym. He's like, you all right? I'm like, I'm gonna go clang and bang. I'll be back in an hour.

[Stavros Halkias]

Beautiful.

[Dan Soder]

Leave nothing behind, mind.

[Stavros Halkias]

Beautiful.

[Dan Soder]

But dude, I loved living in Astoria. I just bumped into my. One of my oldest friends in the world, my friend Zach that lives here. And we're just walking and I was like, holy. I miss Queens. Is quiet.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yep.

[Dan Soder]

When you move to Manhattan, you're gonna see it's very loud.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love the hustle and bustle. You know, I'm hustle, bustle, stop, roast.

[Dan Soder]

No, you're not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I am.

[Dan Soder]

You're gonna be there for three months. You will. And then you're gonna be like, I need cool, calm.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know, we'll see.

[Eldis]

I need a summer home in Astoria.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Summer in Queensland. No, I summer in Baltimore. Thank you very much. I have my summer mans in the mid Atlantic.

[Dan Soder]

Sorry, didn't realize we were talking to royalty.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. That's right.

[Dan Soder]

No, that rules. That's so cool. How often do you go to Baltimore?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll go. I mean, I was there all of last year, pretty much. I mean, not all.

[Dan Soder]

Does your roommate know when you're coming here?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, we. I mean, he lives here, so we basically sort of like, we're both from Maryland and we both got tired of crashing with our family, so we bought a house together, basically.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Now how far from Magoobies?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's hugely important. It's unfortunately a 35 minute, 38 minute drive from the game.

[Eldis]

And it means it's 34 minutes from the gun range.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's next.

[Dan Soder]

33 minutes away from the chilies. There's a pretty goddamn good buffalo Ch.

[Eldis]

Yes, there is. And you're required to eat every meal there when you go. You're just too lazy to go anywhere else.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't even fathom not being from Baltimore and having Magoobies on the schedule.

[Dan Soder]

Like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cuz for me it's like, oh, it's Magoobies. But like, yeah, I'm putting my mind as. Like, it's not walkable to nothing.

[Dan Soder]

Nothing.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's the chilies. The hotel sucks d. Dick.

[Dan Soder]

It's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

They. They used. You could tell they used to put people on the Holiday Inn. And then I think somebody found like either blood or in their room. And they're like, all right, we can't do that. And for like five years, they put people up in a Sheridan. And then just one day they were like, we're going back to the holidays. They're like, enough time not together. By now they've forgotten I did the holiday.

[Dan Soder]

And it's like, you stay there and you're like, oh, these are people that are trying to get their lives together. Horrific.

[Stavros Halkias]

Horrific.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, you got like. You go like, it's a lot of single guys eating that chili's looking out windows. All right, I know it's a court order. Yeah, I know it's court order, but I can get around it. I just go to the Chili's every day.

[Eldis]

I'm going to shows every day. I would eat every meal with the chilies and you'd walk past the gun range to go to this. Like, I wonder what kind of a shot I am.

[Dan Soder]

I wonder if they could stop me from killing myself. I get in there, I get a gun.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is crazy that doesn't happen more, honestly. What a. I mean, Chris Kyle famously got killed at a gun range, but it's crazy. People don't. I guess because if you go to a gun range, you respect guns. You don't wanna.

[Dan Soder]

I don't. They're also like, hey, can you give my family this letter? They don't let you in, so he's gonna sign up. Can I get that gun? My wife?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, you just gotta pin that to your lapel right before you kill yourself.

[Dan Soder]

They go, God. He turns over, there's like a letter and he', no, no, no, no, no, no. That's the hardest part. It's not even cleaning up the shells.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hello, everyone. It's your pal Stavros here. In Italy. I'm in Venice. I'm about to hit the red carpet. You know, I'm looking delicious, but you know what tastes delicious? Twisted tea. Twisted tea, A beverage that tastes as delicious as. As Stavros Halkish looks in Venice with his hair slicked back, looking like a damn snack. Now, all of you can't be in Venice. You're about to hit the red carpet. Like, I am perusing everything Italy has to offer, but you know, what's. You know, it's basically a European vacation in a can. It's twisted tea. Yeah, right.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, listen, certain parts of Europe, you know what I mean? Maybe it's a little closer to a Jersey vacation. No, you know what? That's not true. Because twisted tea transcends the typical signifiers of class, taste, you know, culture. No matter how you grew up, no matter where you're from, whether you're on the Lido here in Venice or you, you. You know, you're from Dundalk, Maryland, or, you know, Delco, Pennsylvania, or Sacramento, California, wherever you are. A wonderful place. A dog shit place. You crack open a twisted tea. You crack open a fricking twisted tea. Babe, we're talking 5% alcohol by volume, okay? Maybe you're from Chicago. Brewed with real iced tea. You'll sip it. Holy fuck, am I on a fucking regatta right now? Know that's what twisted tea makes you feel like. Go have some fun, folks. Go crack open a vacation in a can with twisted tea. And don't forget, baby, keep it twisted. Keep it twisted. I'm not a big. Yeah, I'm not. I've never. I've like, fired a gun once. Range, I'm down. I'd like to. You know, I would like to get tactical.

[Dan Soder]

I would like it.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I will.

[Dan Soder]

No, I will. Yeah, yeah, we.

[Eldis]

Oh, dude, go to axe throwing first. Work your way up to it.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah. Hand.

[Eldis]

Hand combat.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have to go through the Bronze age.

[Dan Soder]

And now the invention of steel. Give you a bronze sword. Yo, what is Stos doing last year? A lot less crowd work, a lot more sword work.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. That's how I accentuate my fucking punchline.

[Dan Soder]

Lunch. The new Netflix special, the Riddle of Steel. Damn you, Cromwell. Full Conan the Barbarian. Yeah, dude, I'm the only one that agreed with the beginning of that movie where they. They just take the kid and put him on the wheel.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then it cuts to him being like 20 and being strong as you go. There you go.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yep.

[Dan Soder]

Kid knows what work is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's Just. They put a kid just to make the. And then it's. It's like. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's not even like a regular jacked guy. It's the most jacked guy from pushing the wheel.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Did he squat?

[Eldis]

No. Damn.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I can't mess with this. This is like. This is.

[Eldis]

Suspend your disbelief.

[Dan Soder]

Becky owns Jesus. Conan the Barbarian.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, interesting. We watched it on the tour. We watched it on the bus. Great film, great picture.

[Eldis]

Rocky after all of the Rockies. One through four were the relevant Rockies.

[Dan Soder]

He's a Philly Guine.

[Stavros Halkias]

One through four. How do you feel about Creed?

[Dan Soder]

Ah, well, you get it all in the credit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, let me. I think I know what the problem is with greed, Mike. Kind of a De Niro issue.

[Dan Soder]

But that black guy can't win it, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

I am. Excuse me. Regal Cinemas. I'm going to need a refund.

[Dan Soder]

What is this?

[Stavros Halkias]

This movie cut off early. The black guy won.

[Dan Soder]

What the.

[Stavros Halkias]

When's the rematch where the white guy beats him? I didn't.

[Dan Soder]

I didn't film flipping around. Damn, dude. Arnold carrying around a sword.

[Stavros Halkias]

Looking awesome, dude. Looking. Have you ever had. Has anyone ever had to wield the weapon for real? Whether that be a club, a bat?

[Dan Soder]

No, I mean we had.

[Eldis]

We had chalk full of weapons in our. No guns.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Don't come to 2555.

[Eldis]

Nah. But we had. Dan brought home samurai swords and Rambo knives.

[Dan Soder]

I had a. A replica Conan sword.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Eldis]

He handed me a Rambo knife, said, arm yourself.

[Dan Soder]

I have the sword. I have both. Chrom sword and his father's sword.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, nice.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, dude. Conan the Barbarians. Beth.

[Stavros Halkias]

There now. But I so never, you know, never a self defense situation.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, you want to come in and get back. You want to get bopped with this thing? You want to come in and get.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I'm asking have you ever wielded.

[Mike Vecchione]

A weapon in any.

[Dan Soder]

Closest I ever came was I used to carry a maglite my pizza bag when I was a pizza delivery. And that's for.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's for flapping a mag light.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Police flashlight. Giant ones.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, so you mean you would hit something. That'd be awesome.

[Eldis]

I had a bat outside my room and had knives.

[Dan Soder]

I had a. I had a big ass one. I had the one all the way to the right up. I'm serious. If you have a car, you should just have that. You should have a mag light. It's like having a baseball bat. And the cops can't be like, what is that? It's like the thing you carry around is your flashlight. Yeah, yeah, they're awesome. Mag light's okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right. Did you ever get into dangers of pizza delivery, man? Because they say that actually is more dangerous carrying.

[Dan Soder]

This was in the 90s. So you're, like, carrying cash and you're, like, just around. And we delivered. Just some tough neighborhoods.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

So you didn't. I mean, friends of mine that worked at the pizzeria did get robbed, but I never got robbed. I imagine that Maglite, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right.

[Eldis]

It's either robbed or porn.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I go, oh, yeah. Sucked off by a lonely lady.

[Eldis]

She has way to pay for it.

[Dan Soder]

That was the first time I ever heard of ranch on pizza. What are you doing, miss? And instead, it was like, give me your money.

[Stavros Halkias]

What about. You think you're important? You're like, I can't pay. Is there something else I could do for you?

[Dan Soder]

She goes, no. Cuts my face. Oh, my tongue's coming through.

[Eldis]

And she takes it and licks it. You got a little sauce.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I would just put that on top of the pizza. Just in the bag.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell, yeah, dude.

[Dan Soder]

And be like, anybody runs up on me at the Green Timbers apartment complex, about to get. I'm about to play a whack a mole. I would have gotten up, though. If I would have pulled that out, I would have been like, what are you doing? Grab my wrist. Stop.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's mine. It's my flashlight light. I was involved. I never swung, but I was involved in a melee.

[Dan Soder]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where people were. People up with bats. I got stepped on with cleats. It was like a pickup in the Warriors. It was like a pickup football game. And it became legitimately a race fight where it was like. It was Greeks versus Arabs. We were. We were playing. We were playing football. And, like, you know, some kids made fun of, you know, some green kids had probably something racist. Racist, if I had to guess.

[Dan Soder]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, this is. Tensions are hot. You know, the Iraq war is bubbling up. We're fresh off the heels of 9 11.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my God.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I don't know how the. We found enough Arabs to play. Like, we didn't grow. Like, we knew we grew up with a couple of these kids, but these kids. I don't know where the. We would play, like, real tackle football games where it kept getting more and more serious, and people started hearing about them, and people would literally, like, bring their teams. Like, it was kind of the warriors, and it was like.

[Dan Soder]

Like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like we play like a. Like some old white guys that were like, semi like old ass white dudes that were like used to play semi pro. They would come and play.

[Dan Soder]

Were they good?

[Stavros Halkias]

There's a couple of them were pretty good.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Some of them were just too old and it was like for the glory. But we had like. It got to the point where we were playing like with line. Full lines.

[Dan Soder]

I'm not kidding.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we had a line maybe. I think it got like three. We would have like lines.

[Dan Soder]

And like he goes, yeah, just an old man being upset at. Got lost today to a bunch of 16 year olds.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, but, but it was a f. It was awesome. And then one time it was just like, just this like in like, you know, 15 Arab dudes came and they're like, let's play you us versus you. Guys were like sweet. And then tensions were running high. Someone swings on someone. And then you know, these kids had. And then you know, they're we're each other up and somebody had called their brother and a pack full of like a car of mer. A Mercedes full of like, like 28 year old Greek guys with baseball bats come out and they're just like, oh.

[Dan Soder]

No, I gotta go to a teenage fight.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, they were. It wasn't reluctant. These guys are like, yes. And they hit like one. They had one kid and then it was like, oh, okay. What the. Let's all chill out.

[Dan Soder]

You're the dink of the eastern.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you go, is he all right?

[Stavros Halkias]

But yeah, they literally. Some kid stepped on my face with a cleat.

[Eldis]

Ah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I got like shoved down in the. In the mail. You know, I didn't know what the was going on. Like, turn around. Like somebody's like, you're getting stampeded.

[Dan Soder]

The best advice for that situation is just be aware of the noises you're making. People remember noises. And you're like, ow. Yeah, that's right. You were our guy.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Like, no, I wasn't. I was. Shut the up. I'll kill you.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you know, damn, I want to.

[Dan Soder]

Buy a mag light and go up some teenagers.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's not bad.

[Dan Soder]

You guys like football? Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not on my watch you're not go to go to SAT tutor training you.

[Eldis]

How did the melee end? St. Ro. How did those things. Did everybody just tire them?

[Dan Soder]

Delicious meal with breads being dipped in sausage.

[Stavros Halkias]

They showed us hummus. We showed them tzatziki. You went, oh my God.

[Dan Soder]

This whole time, Peter and N. Yeah, right there.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it. It was the kind of thing where everyone was each other up for a while and then when the car Full of older men came it. It was like, everyone's like, whoa, what the is going on here?

[Dan Soder]

Wait, so the guy. The guys that showed up in the Mercedes were the Greek or Arab.

[Stavros Halkias]

They were Greek.

[Dan Soder]

They were Greek. And they show up to do with the bat. Yeah, yeah, dude, that's so. And then.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then the tides turned very quickly and it was like, all right, everybody get the. And then we're like, get out of Greek town, you pieces of. It was like old fashioned racism. Like, you Arabs better not come back to our neighborhood.

[Eldis]

Was there a couple go back to Yemen's.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then they. We didn't know about geography.

[Dan Soder]

Countries that don't exist anymore.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

They're like, that's what you get for your Prussian empire. They. That's always the one. I remember, I remember like an adult fighting a teenager when we were teenagers. And there's the moment where the adult wins, where all the children. Teenagers go like, he's a kid.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That means an obvious no.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Situation.

[Dan Soder]

I did watch my friend David beat up two 16 year olds when we were 13. And that was like. That was like him beating up two adult men.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. You're like awesome. Two on one.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. And I think it might have been three on one. And he beat the. Out of him.

[Mike Vecchione]

Hell yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Still, I mean, I think he follows me on Instagram.

[Stavros Halkias]

What were the circumstances?

[Dan Soder]

David needed to teach him a lesson. He was a problem. He could be a problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

Up rock, people.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'd be like, whoa, your friend was the problem.

[Dan Soder]

But then also, these guys that he fought were also a problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

It was about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Eldis]

David versus three Goliaths.

[Dan Soder]

Hello. No, he was big. I think he was bigger than two of them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

But he. He was like a bear. He just mauled him. And you were like. And then a 16. Oh, wait, it was the three 16 year olds. I don't want to give their names.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

But people that I grew up with, you know who I'm talking about. Okay. And then. And they had a 21 year old that showed up and kicked the out of him, beat up David. And everyone was like, on their side. Everyone.

[Stavros Halkias]

David was 13.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Everyone was like, oh, the guy's name was Vic. And they were like, oh, Vic kicked the out of him. We're like, yeah, Vic's a guy. You know, David was screaming, I'll be.

[Eldis]

Back after I hit puberty.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

David told me a story of he would like, just get into fights. He was a problem.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But one time he was driving his mom's Van man. And this like guy like in a suit coming home from work got into David at a stoplight and then he was like, you follow me? And the guy was like, all right. And they went into a parking lot. Now this is what David told me and I completely believe it. I watched him fights a lot in my life.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And he said he got out and he just kicked the out of this guy. When he got out of his car, got back in his mom's van and went and smoked weed with like a bunch of our friends. And I was like, I, I couldn't drop the fact that a grown man was coming home from work and he was like, I'm gonna show this kid.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And then he's getting back in and he's like, broke my nose.

[Stavros Halkias]

Police.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I was a child before cell phones. This is before everyone had cell phones. So you like drive home and be.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, make up a story in the car.

[Dan Soder]

Beat up by a black guy.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Instead of a 16 year old kid.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean I think about that too. Cuz I like with road rage it's like how does. I kind of don't understand why. How more people don't get their asses kicked. Cuz it's like everyone in their car feels like a tough guy and then it's like, you know, you get out of the car, it's a whole different story.

[Eldis]

I think a lot of people just can't control their anger. They think the anger is going to take them to success in a fight and it's not the way it works.

[Dan Soder]

The guy's gonna throw a punch in the. Like I'm angry. In reality, they just get like folded.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Like, are you coming to me? Like, like in their open door.

[Eldis]

Well, just slept with their knees angry in an ambulance.

[Dan Soder]

That's. I just don't want to end up on the Internet. Slept just with your arms straight.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, dude. But I, I also weirdly not get it. But it's like I do feel like it's a part of just, just aging as a man where I'm like, should I just like fight some? Like, I just haven't fought someone since I was.

[Dan Soder]

You're good.

[Stavros Halkias]

16 or whatever. I know. And I know, don't get me wrong, I never will now.

[Dan Soder]

You know what you do.

[Stavros Halkias]

But there's part of you that's like.

[Dan Soder]

You, you know, where you take that energy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna somebody up. I can't, I can't. By the way, I'm not saying I Could beat anyone up. I would be the guy getting up by a child.

[Dan Soder]

The adult version of that. Litigating.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

You get a lawyer.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's not as fun. No, but yelling is fun.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but. But you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

But there's no consequences to yelling.

[Dan Soder]

Find the. The plaintiff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, your honor.

[Dan Soder]

Your honor. When your judge takes your side.

[Stavros Halkias]

Getting a little tie.

[Dan Soder]

You go, what's up? I just whooped your ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm like, you're on. Thank you, your honor, for the questions. Finger like this.

[Dan Soder]

Why did I just butt you in court? Your mom's got a dusty ass. What was that, Mr. Soder? I was saying I was working on how I can be reimbursed by the defendant.

[Stavros Halkias]

What about Mike? There was. There must have been some kind of. Some kind of rust belt bra Italian brawls that you saw.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, dude, someone ate all the creminini mushrooms. Good night. Set him off like, John wick just killed his part. Coffee. He's like, hey, where's the last piece of gaba ghoul? People keep asking me if I'm back. Yeah, I'm starting to think I'm back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I'm freaking backing back over here. Yeah.

[Eldis]

We got into a. In high school. I remember we got into a. A huge brawl with a bunch of other kids and actually one of my friends. Friends. Because you get confused sure things. And it's.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's no uniform now.

[Eldis]

It's grabbing somebody and then. And then a guy on our side punched me in the face. But my. Fortunately, my face was going that way. Anyone? He grazed me. So it wasn't.

[Dan Soder]

And he was vaselined.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's always ready to go.

[Dan Soder]

Mr. Vecchio and Mike's father had a strict policy of vaseline his son's temple and eyebrows before he left. That was when they had their father's son talk where he goes, all right, now what are you gonna do?

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

If he goes 2, 2, 1.

[Stavros Halkias]

As he's taping up your fingers.

[Dan Soder]

So he punched you?

[Eldis]

And then it slid up me. I was like. My head was down because I was on the ground, I think. And he was. He went to punch me. Unfortunately, my face was going that way anyway. So he, like punched me and it kind of slid off.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Eldis]

I'm oily anyway. But. But that. He's like, afterwards. I'm sorry. I just.

[Dan Soder]

We.

[Eldis]

It was too confusing.

[Dan Soder]

Did you get anybody in that? Did you get your hands on something?

[Eldis]

No, it wasn't. Yeah, I got my hands on somebody, like down to there, but. But it was like a scuffle that turned into a fight, and then. And then it was quickly dispersed.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, you gotta tell Star Rose the story about when you dropped your sister and your girlfriend off. It's the coolest story.

[Eldis]

That's not cool.

[Dan Soder]

Someone that's a. And doesn't fight. No, it's the coolest.

[Eldis]

First of all, I don't fight.

[Dan Soder]

He fights all.

[Eldis]

I don't fight either, but. Either all the time.

[Dan Soder]

But he's a vigilant.

[Eldis]

When I lived in. When I lived in Washington, nights, Inwood, I would. I would park at a gas station at the end of the street from where I lived, and I would always, late at night, come back from the Cellar. I was dating a girl who worked at the Cellar, so she would stay at my place, and I would always drop her off and give her the key and then turn back around and then go park and then walk back myself. Because if anybody, like, if anybody says anything or yells anything, as people are coming, you're very chivalrous. It's like. Then it's like, okay, now it's got to be. Yeah, they say it to me. I could just. I could choose, of course, to, like, ignore it and be like, I'm not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Going to follow up.

[Dan Soder]

Which leads us to our next story of when Mike was in. You were in college.

[Eldis]

I was in college, and we all used to hang out this. At this bar. It was like we could drink there. Underage for some reason, and in Florida, check. And so it's a year in college, and then I. I dating a girl. I bring her back from Philly to my place and with my family, and then we go out to this bar, figure it's the bar from high school. But no one we know is, of course, anymore. It's me, my friend from high school, and the girl and my sister. And we're all there, and my sister's like, I'm tired. I don't really want to be here. I go, okay. And we lived, like, really close. So I said, okay, I'm gonna take. I told my. My friend, my best friend and my girl that I'm going to take my sister home. I'll be right back. So I run her back, and then I come back and my girl's crying. And I said, why are you crying? And she's like, somebody called me a pig. Oh, one of these guys called me a pig. I said, okay.

[Dan Soder]

And.

[Eldis]

And. And my. My friend was like, yeah, somebody called her a pig. I was, like, arguing with him. But they told us they were going to throw us out. I said, okay. And she was still upset. So I said, why don't you just calmly tell me who it is?

[Dan Soder]

Is.

[Eldis]

She's like, I don't know. I said, let's take a walk to the end of the bar.

[Dan Soder]

Natural police. Natural safe. There's a two way mirror here.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Imagine being seeing the crying, the crying woman you called the pig. Just walking around looking with a universal soldier. Just a menacing blank faced Italian man.

[Dan Soder]

A guy with a crew cut. It looks like you was a lab thing in the CIA. Who's that guy with 4% body?

[Stavros Halkias]

This is you wrestling?

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. This is you wrestling? College post wrestling, but still you're fresh from wrestling.

[Dan Soder]

Who's the guy with the military cut in the cauliflower here? He was pretty revved up about something. Who's the guy pointing at? All of us with the military haircut.

[Eldis]

So we walk, she points who she thinks the guys are and we get into a verbal altercation.

[Dan Soder]

So you say something? Something.

[Eldis]

Yeah, well, my friend was really like going like. He was like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, because he felt like. Because he got cucked. Allowing it to happen without you.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So he gets.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, he didn't get cucked.

[Eldis]

I don't, I don't think he got cucked. But he, he was like, he was like taking up and going at him and, and, and so she pointed him out who she thought they were. And we started going back and forth and then we got thrown out. So I said, okay, okay. She's still upset. So my buddy. I said, you don't need to concern yourself with this. Just go home, I'll give you a call tomorrow. And he was like, okay, you know, because there's nothing we can really do now. We got thrown out.

[Dan Soder]

Rest easy, soldier.

[Eldis]

It's okay. And she's upset. So I, I drove back and dropped her off at my parents and I said, just go in. I'm going to go back, have some late night pasta. So she goes in and I go back, back. And I just sit in the parking lot and I cut the lights.

[Stavros Halkias]

So they kicked you up, but not the guys?

[Eldis]

No, the guys. The guys got to stay in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Eldis]

And I cut the lights and I'm just, I'm just sitting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Now you're on a stakeout.

[Dan Soder]

No radio.

[Eldis]

Because it's like. But it's the same mentality.

[Dan Soder]

And two big sandwiches. We're gonna get these guys.

[Eldis]

It's the same mentality. It was like. It's like. It's not like it's always frames it as a tough guy move, but it's Really a move where it's like, tough guys. It's really a thing where it's like, if I'm going to take a beating, I don't want it to be in front of her. And I don't want. I'll just take. I don't.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, what I really love about is.

[Eldis]

Is better.

[Stavros Halkias]

What I really love about this is, like, I've definitely been in position where I'm so heated. I'm so in the moment that I'm like, I'm about to fight. You have, like, gone and come back and restarted. Like, there's five different opportunities for you to calm down.

[Dan Soder]

That's so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, and you're like, you had four.

[Dan Soder]

You had four exits, and he staying on the highway, man.

[Eldis]

But let me just dispel, like, stuff. I'm, like, afraid and all this other stuff.

[Dan Soder]

Sure. So you're just sitting silently in your car, looking at a door.

[Eldis]

Yeah, but something has to be done here. I got to be able to sleep at night.

[Dan Soder]

Of course.

[Eldis]

So that's so funny.

[Dan Soder]

Your mom's like, mike, I just cut the pie. I won't sleep if I don't do this.

[Eldis]

No. But so I let her in. I didn't walk her in the house. I said, just go in the house. So I go back, I cut the lights, and I'm sitting there, and I go. When they come out, I'm just going to attack them and then let the chips fall. And that's what happened. They walked out, and I go, what's up now? And it's like three of them, and I just started attacking them, and I. I fully expected to get railed.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

But it. I didn't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice moving around, like, punching all of them.

[Dan Soder]

You came at him like a raccoon. That's like the same thing when you go back where you go, there's nothing back here but a guard. Garbage is like, what's up?

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Then everybody ran to.

[Stavros Halkias]

The element of surprise is awesome, too.

[Eldis]

Then everybody ran to the front of the bar, and then it went on for a little bit, and then I heard sirens. So I just ran back into my car. I was punching one guy, and that other guy grabbed me. And then I was able to get free from him.

[Stavros Halkias]

I started punching him.

[Eldis]

So it, like, ended up being like. I'm like, ah, yeah, take a beating.

[Stavros Halkias]

Then you go home just whistling.

[Dan Soder]

You know, One of those guys was leaving the bar, and he goes, this might be one of the best nights of our lives. Like, oh, it's crazy. The thing to me that always gets me is you just sitting there in the silence.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's like, how much time was.

[Dan Soder]

Hearing the bumping bar?

[Eldis]

Like, actually, they came out pretty quick. It wasn't too long that I had to wait. So it's like they came out pretty quick. And once I recognized him, I'm like, okay, here it goes. Here it goes. One of those things. So it's like, did you check to.

[Dan Soder]

Make sure you locked your car or anything? You like walking away and you go, I didn't walk it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's beautiful.

[Dan Soder]

I'm going beat their ass now.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I agree, sometimes things must be done. A. A woman's honor must be protected.

[Dan Soder]

One of the coolest, coldest things I've ever heard in my life. It's like, I'm just going to drop my sister off, drop my lady off, and then make the world pay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Avenge. Avenge her I will avenge. Avenge this injury to her honor.

[Dan Soder]

I just go get Dairy Queen and come back. There you go. What you doing?

[Stavros Halkias]

That sucks.

[Dan Soder]

I got you. Do you want to play Rocket League?

[Stavros Halkias]

Call me that guy. You want some pizza? All right, well, look, you're clearly a man. We've got two men of honor, two of a Astoria's most distinguished former residents, and it's time to bring all this kind of expertise to our caller. So, Eldis, why don't you play us a little sum, see what we got here, here. And let's also we should plug here at the halfway point. Mike, you've got a special recently. Let's tell the people.

[Eldis]

It's called Low income white. It's on YouTube. The Nateland Shout out to Nateland for giving me the opportunity for have my second special on it. So Nateland, YouTube, low income white, and at Comic Mike V on all platforms.

[Stavros Halkias]

Look at that. We'll. We'll put a link to the special. Go watch the special right now, you pieces of.

[Eldis]

Oh, and I gotta say say thank you because a lot of people last time came from Hell yeah, dude. Attractives.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love it.

[Eldis]

So I appreciate it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, let's get. Let's. Ellis got one new sound. We love it. Go, go see. Go watch Mike special. And of course, you know, listen to Soda.

[Dan Soder]

Golden Retriever, a comedy tour starting September 23rd in Los Angeles. Angeles. All the cities are listed. Go to Dance odor dot com. Go through Dance odor dot com. Do not go to secondhand websites.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, don't do that.

[Dan Soder]

Where the ripoff is. Go through dancer.com. i promise you the ticket links will work.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're not scalping. We swear to God. Buy them straight from the place.com golden.

[Dan Soder]

Retriever comedy I love you guys.

[Lowe's Announcer]

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[Stavros Halkias]

What do we got, Eld?

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

Hey, savvy baby.

[Dan Soder]

Elden.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

Distinguished guest, whoever the there. I don't know. Long time listener, second time caller. First time I called turned into a rant. So I'm gonna try and make it brief this time. I'm in a bit of a tricky situation. My partner and I have a squatter in our house. I say our because on paper, the house belongs to my partner and the squatter is his best friend that he lets stay in our guest room after getting divorced. That was like a year ago. So he was married for less than a year.

[Dan Soder]

What?

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

And it's pretty obvious why it didn't work out. So there's been several instances of him saying, like, oh, I'll be up by this date. I'll be up by that state. Never fucking happens. We finally managed to evict him from the guest room, like, the other day after finding fucking rotten food and human vomit on the carpet. So now he's insisting on sleeping on an air mattress in the unfinished basement. So since my best friend. Excuse me, since it's not my best friend or, you know, not technically my house, I'm in a little bit of a tough spot because I wish my man would be a bit harder on this guy. Yeah, and I don't want to be a. Right? That's like number one. I don't want to be a. And my partner is also on the verge of the mental. Of like a full scale mental breakdown. Really clean. And he was the one who cleaned out that room. And I had to come home to a grumpy, angry man.

[Stavros Halkias]

So wait a second.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

What do I do now? What the do I do?

[Stavros Halkias]

So her. Her boyfriend is pissed at this guy, but is still letting him live there.

[Dan Soder]

It's best friendship, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I mean, when you're ruining the place, I get it.

[Dan Soder]

The guy probably is like a good. He's like probably a good dude. He does it and his Friends are.

[Stavros Halkias]

Going through a divorce.

[Dan Soder]

And by the way, good. Sometimes when people want to do good, it's easier to manipulate them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

Because you're just like using. Just like using the sob story of like getting divorced. But this guy sucks. Kick him out.

[Eldis]

But does the boyfriend want him out? I wasn't clear on that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where he stood. I mean, he clearly doesn't because he's like. I mean.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Does he want him out? Probably. Will he kick him out?

[Dan Soder]

Have you ever, have you ever made someone leave your apartment kind of when you're done and you go, okay, man, thanks for coming over. He's the only one that can. Can do that.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, true.

[Dan Soder]

But she says they tried. They. She said they tried to kick him out a couple times.

[Stavros Halkias]

What does that mean? What is tried to kick him out, man?

[Dan Soder]

Because, dude, I would take that hint. The second they went, hey, I don't even know why I'm still here.

[Eldis]

Yeah, these squatters can really stay. They can, they can stay and then human bedbugs, then there's kind of nothing you can do about it until you get the courts involved.

[Dan Soder]

Human bedbugs are squatters. Take me out. I'm up. They're like ticks. Like, my head's buried in you. You stupid. Kick me out. You're like, I can't.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Cuz they have like squatters rights.

[Stavros Halkias]

And. But this isn't that. This is. A guy's an overstaying friend. You know what I mean? What were you going to say? All this.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

I feel like he's probably putting on like a very pathetic front when he's making up excuses for why he can't leave. But he's also like, clearly reveling in the newfound freedom of being divorced. Like, he's just cool with sleeping on the air mattress in like the dusty basement after, like, they kick him out of the bedroom.

[Dan Soder]

So funny. They're like, get out of the house. He goes, come on, let me stay. What's in the basement? They go, there's nothing down there. He goes, perfect, I'll just grab an air mattress.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, so I guess. And you're. She's talking about her. Her boyfriend is on the verge of.

[Dan Soder]

A breakdown because of this guy, like, being so dirty.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's what I'm saying is like, can't he have a conversation and be like, hey, man, trying to get your life? You know, I'm trying to be here for you, but you have to do this, this and this, this.

[Dan Soder]

He's the only one that can do that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly. That's the hard part for our caller here is like, what can you do other than sort of like tell your. Because you can't.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, that's kind of a whole other. That's a whole can of worms. Even though you, by the way, you can. You should be able to just be like, hey, what the up with this? Like if this was a roommate.

[Dan Soder]

Oh my God, this isn't even a start. This is a non starter. He just goes, get the out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh yeah. This guy has to leave immediately. Really?

[Dan Soder]

It's a friend.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And he's going through something. I say you just give him a date.

[Eldis]

You work on the boyfriend to give the date.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, the boyfriend.

[Eldis]

Boyfriend has to give the date. You work on the boyfriend get a date.

[Dan Soder]

He's like, August 15th, you're gone.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you're gonna have to have a date. And even bef, like at a minimum, like some, some like. I mean, yeah. If he's already in the basement, it's like he's taking a demotion, which is so bizarre.

[Dan Soder]

He's getting relegated to the basement.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

What's below that? You go, well, we don't have a crazy crawl space, so you can't live in there.

[Stavros Halkias]

And when you say you try, what did you mean by that? Like she's tried to kick him out.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

She said they gave him like several dates, that he just like came and went. He just did not honor at all.

[Eldis]

So what if you just changed the locks?

[Dan Soder]

Smart. Very old school.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, he must not have any. Does he have anything in there? Like if you gave him a date and he just came. It came and went. And then he threw up on your. How he threw up in your room. He spilled and your guys food and your, your boyfriend's a neat freak. It's like even if that's Eldis.

[Mike Vecchione]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which again, this is hard because when people say their best friend is acting in this kind of insane way, I. Whenever somebody says best friend, I try and like, all right, let me insert Eldis or one of my, you know, best friends growing up. They just wouldn't behave this way. It's. It's bizarre to even think.

[Dan Soder]

It's just disrespectful.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is just completely disrespectful. This is the kind of thing where if you want to give him another day date, it's hard. Here's what's gonna happen. You'll give him another date because you've given him a date and he, he's blown past it. He's not gonna Honor it. No, but you'd be like, all right, this time it's different. He's not gonna believe you. He's gonna make you test him. And that's when you throw him out.

[Dan Soder]

And that's when the fireworks happens.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's when you throw all his.

[Dan Soder]

All gone.

[Stavros Halkias]

All his out of there. And you just say, look, man, you got to be out of here.

[Dan Soder]

Peace. We gave you seven dates.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

How many months has it been? Did she say.

[Dan Soder]

Said a year?

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

I think she said he's been there a year, which is crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

What the are we talking about?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, that's the.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

That's also like Stockholm syndrome, where you just, like, get used to it when you're living in that. But, like, you tell anyone, he's got.

[Dan Soder]

To watch, he goes, we got to watch the floor on Tuesdays.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Blow is a wonderful.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is our thing, guys.

[Mike Vecchione]

It's us, it's the group.

[Stavros Halkias]

We had a similar situation where a friend just let a friend of hers live here for months.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

Yeah, it was supposed to be like a couple weeks. It went for like eight weeks, I think we were counting.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it was an apartment with four people in a three bedroom. And then there was an extra guy.

[Dan Soder]

Nope.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was insane.

[Dan Soder]

Nope.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was insane.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Can I take a piss real quick?

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Pissed. Next question. Eldis el dunce.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Let it rip. Hello, Stuff.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

Eldest and guest. I love the show.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

So I'll get right into it. I do online fetish sex work.

[Dan Soder]

Nice.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

Basically, I sell underwear, socks, clothing, all the way to making homemade, custom, solo, and sometimes couples pornos.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

So my issue is that I also have a career job where I have great benefits and my future is completely set up, but it is a huge issue if I were to be caught. So my question is, is it worth it to keep doing my online side business online at the risk of losing my job, should anybody find out? My thinking is that, well, if anybody from work were to see it, they're the weirdos that have to explain why they were looking at fetish websites. But I don't know, it's tough. I'm just wondering, what do I do? Is it worth it? I'm not living a lavish lifestyle because of it. I make okay money at my job, but with the side stuff, it just. It actually lets me feed my kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

And Jesus Christ, America sucks.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

What do I do?

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, what the are we doing here, man? This woman is working a job and she's on doing fetish. And look, by the way, we're A pro sex worker. Here, here. But she's like, she's to make ends meet and to just like be comfortable to for like provide for her kids. She's doing a different job that could jeopardize her future just because of how she's set up. This is so that like you can't just work a job and be okay. This country sucks so much dick.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I gotta. I gotta go get in latex. Russell fights.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

In order for my kid to get braces like a penguin I in a guy's mouth and he's gonna be on the travel team next year.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

It's all.

[Dan Soder]

It's all like. It's all falling apart at the seams. And then people are going like shut up.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you're like, I know.

[Dan Soder]

Letting you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just love when people are like.

[Dan Soder]

She should be able just to work a job and have a kid and then if she was into doing, if.

[Stavros Halkias]

She wanted to do, she'll do it, but not have to do it and then live under the stress and scrutiny. Scrutiny. And by the way, when everybody's like, oh well everybody talks about how like bad. How communism never works, how socialism never works. Like capitalism doesn't work. We're watching it not work with people like this right the now.

[Dan Soder]

I don't know. Have you ever gone on a porn stars Amazon wish list and fulfilled it all? To me that's capitalism working.

[Stavros Halkias]

It does work for them. Yeah, it does work for them. I just feel like, like, like. Okay. I wonder if there is some kind of medium where you do this a little more you just a little more anonymously.

[Dan Soder]

Oh yeah.

[Eldis]

Can she wear a mask or make it go luchador?

[Stavros Halkias]

Luchador.

[Dan Soder]

You wear different masks.

[Stavros Halkias]

A fat titted luchador. I like that.

[Eldis]

I work it into a character.

[Dan Soder]

El Spano.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I mean I've seen fetish porn star.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. Is there a way to do that? I mean maybe, you know, maybe show.

[Eldis]

Yourself for sure so that you prosthetics.

[Dan Soder]

Like a Mission Impossible Y1 bomb. Bomb, bomb, bomb. It wasn't Gerald Ford that took that load. It was me, the guidance counselor at the high school. Yeah, it really sucks that because she wants to keep the benefits of her job. She clearly, you know, enjoys doing what she does. She's got a wide range of things that she does is she's just worried about getting found out.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I mean I'm ask.

[Stavros Halkias]

I do wonder. I mean maybe she's already start like how visible, you know, is your. Would people be able.

[Eldis]

You will get found out.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. It's also. The Internet lives forever if it's on the Internet and it isn't just personals. You know, like if someone uploads that.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Well then why stop if it's still. I don't know. I think you should just keep going.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I mean I. It just. It just depends. Like when you say you're set up for your future, it's like, how set up are you if you have to do a second job.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Because it's fine if she goes, I do the second job. And listen, it helps my shopping addiction.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And my love of fancy cars which goes and. And cat. And get this, my kid eats every day.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can. I can afford to get my kid applesauce.

[Dan Soder]

You know that your kid don't starve if you do porn.

[Stavros Halkias]

Now the idea that you're thinking is if they see it, they're weirdos. Like, that's just not how this works, unfortunately. They'll figure out a way. They'll figure out a way to like.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Know, launder their image.

[Eldis]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

But also out you protect yourself.

[Dan Soder]

I was trying to block a website and you'll never guess what.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was brainstorming about the things I don't want to see online.

[Dan Soder]

I was putting a vision board together of gross stuff that.

[Stavros Halkias]

That only would do. So.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, I just wonder, is there a way like I think selling, you know, selling underwear, selling socks, all that kind of like if. As long as. As long as you're doing a lot of Direct to consumer. Consumer. If this direct to consumer.

[Dan Soder]

You better not have a video host.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Direct to consumer. Without your face. I think you're probably okay now. Is it. You've been under a pseudonym and it is your face and people would obviously be able to tell.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that's lady latex.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. Yeah, I would, I would dial it back a little bit. If you're doing that, that.

[Dan Soder]

So what's the fetish? You know, is she a furry? Because if she's a furry, there's no problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

True.

[Dan Soder]

Unless you have a custom suit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Raccoon head on.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, I wonder what it is. I mean, I bet you it's a bunch of. From just like whips and chains classic.

[Dan Soder]

To the classic run of the mill snm.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

To even like, you know.

[Eldis]

But wear that black mask.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Put on some non breathable fabric and take a jog on your period and send me the shorts. Like I think, I think it runs so musty.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So anyway, let's job less look. I think you should. If you want to keep doing this, you should be able to do it. Just try and kind of thread the needle.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And also really think about is that job worth. Because it's not. You're not financially secure enough. Through that job is the kind of thing where you want promotion. It's kind of thing where when they promote you and you start making more money, it then becomes the cost benefit. Benefit becomes like, oh, now it's time to. To quit doing porn. Whatever. I think there's something like that I think you need to think of in your. What is the best version of your like, employment situation and have a plan for when you want to stop. But if it's just, you know, if they're not paying you enough to live.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. What do you do?

[Eldis]

But it's those benefits that get you the benefits. If you got a kid, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, sure, you got to take it to the doctor and it's always the benefits.

[Dan Soder]

Benefits, dude. Having full insurance.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

Is this the time to double down on her site and really see if she could juice that to get like a career?

[Dan Soder]

That's how you end up dead.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. It seems like it's a lot of hard. It legit seems like a lot of hard work. Plus the stigma is. Seems like not worth it. Some people, they just kind of show their tits a little bit and they become millionaires. Like if that's not. That's not what she seems to be doing here. So yeah, that's kind of how we're. That's how we're weighing in on it. Good luck. Keep doing whatever you got to do and at a certain point it'll probably make sense to quit. But if you can do it semi anonymously right now, do it until they pay you enough where you don't have to have a second job.

[Dan Soder]

Dang.

[Stavros Halkias]

Next question.

[Dan Soder]

Stop. What's up, dude?

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

I need your help. Question for you. So there's a workplace related question.

[Caller 4 (Biker with Stripper Kids)]

I got a job.

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

I've had the job for a couple of years now. I got the job through a buddy of mine. We were in recovery together. So we're sober. I'm not sober anymore. I just like, I don't know, boss up out of that or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice man.

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

Doing well.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sounds like I haven't told him about sobriety.

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

And I'm worried that, that if I do tell him about that, that he's just going to like hyper analyze everything I do at work. And I have a pretty good situation going where I don't have to work that hard. And everybody's satisfied with the work that I do. But I feel like if a magnifying glass of, oh, he's not sober anymore, is put onto my situation, might blow up my spot. Do I just keep not telling him? Thing is, we're going to a conference next month and I'm staying in the same hotel room as him. A lot of my other co workers have drank with me before, et cetera, et cetera. So, you know, I'm a little curious. Do I blow up my own spot? Do I get honest? Am I being a bad friend if I don't get honest? Do you think that it's like, how likely is it maybe that I can just skate around this? Or is it going to come up eventually? Eventually. I don't know, man. I need some guidance. Give me a shout, let me know what you think. Eldis, you're a beautiful human. Thank you to guest, whoever you may be.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And all the best.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got it, eldest. Jesus Christ, he's four. Four sentence. Goodbye.

[Dan Soder]

We can get the podcast. It's a real big thing. I started.

[Stavros Halkias]

Started talking, man. I queued you in to cut him off, for Christ's sake. Have a little situational awareness.

[Dan Soder]

Were you satisfied with the ending of Sprinters? But also, I gotta get out of here real quick.

[Eldis]

I really gotta go this time.

[Dan Soder]

I gotta go. I mean, I'm. I'm pulling myself off the phone. Who do you think wins in a fight?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, listen for this, first of all, what do you mean you bossed up out of sobriety?

[Dan Soder]

I broke the chains of sobriety.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you mean, like, how much? Much, like, okay, that's so funny.

[Dan Soder]

Just the homeless guy's like, I bossed up out of that house, couldn't hold me. Oh, you want lights inside.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, like, my question is, have you? Because, like, look, I'm not even saying everybody has to be sober forever. What works for some people, it might work for you legitimately. Some people figure it out and it's like, all right, I can have a drink, whatever. But more often than not, I'm skeptical of that. And I think, you know, more often than not, just not knowing you at all, when I hear someone say, I was sober, I worked the program for a while and now I figured it out, it seems like they're on either in the middle of or about to relapse. Now, in the event that that's not happening and you just kind of found an equilibrium that works for you, then, yeah, you shouldn't lie to your friend. I mean, it's Crazy. You just have to tell them. And yeah, it's maybe a little weird.

[Dan Soder]

I think what this guy's afraid of is telling his friend and his friend going, you didn't boss out of this. You need to be sober.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And this guy doesn't want to hear that. This guy wants to go get up at a work conference with his friends, which I get. I felt that way.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Like I. You don't want to do the responsible thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Dan Soder]

You go, I want French fries with my dinner. And they go, you gotta have salad. You gotta have salad once. You go, I don't want to want that.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It's just. You just don't want to do it. You don't want to tell your friends. And by the way, I hope I again stops. Right. I don't know you. I don't know how you're doing. I know a lot of people that have quit drinking. Very, very rarely does anyone come back successfully. Yeah, everyone comes back and they go, you know what? I'm doing this thing where I only drink Heineken's on Tuesday.

[Mike Vecchione]

Right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

It always starts so specific and stringent.

[Dan Soder]

Four years later, he's like, I was smoking crystal meth.

[Mike Vecchione]

I'm getting boring.

[Stavros Halkias]

Years, eight months.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. What am I talking.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, it just.

[Dan Soder]

What an idealist.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know.

[Dan Soder]

Four years, seven months. They're going, we don't know where Ron is.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And this is all addiction, by the way. This is like, this is how I am with weed, where I'm like, I'm just going to take a little puff before bed, help me sneak to help me sleep. And then a month later, I'm smoking weed in the morning, I wake up first thing, my phone. Right, right here, you know, a vape. Right here, here.

[Mike Vecchione]

Okay, nice.

[Dan Soder]

All right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get a coffee, start the day.

[Eldis]

He should sit his friend down to talk to him at a bar.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Order a beer. And his friend will be like, you don't drink beer. He's like, that's what I wanted to talk about. Well, actually I do now.

[Dan Soder]

We just got to the end of the conversation. How's this make. How's this frosty sweaty glass.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And like, even the fact that you're lying about it.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's feels like you know, he knows this guy know. Because now he's like, cuz you're couching in the terms of like, I don't want, like, I mean, I don't doubt that you might have an. An easy job that you don't have to. We. You Know, and again, we're pro stealing time from corporations on Stobby's World. We want you to, to have a job like that, but you're like be.

[Dan Soder]

So bored and people be satisfied with your work, but you could do other stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he's. You saying that you're worried about a magnifying glass on your behavior.

[Eldis]

Well, he just doesn't want the judgment coming back. Who knows what the friend is like, yeah. Where it's like, he'll be like, it's all right we all fall up. Or it's like, well, live and let live. His friends probably like, you can't do that. You got. I'm your sponsor. You gotta.

[Dan Soder]

You know, if it's his sponsor, there's gonna be big problems.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think he said. Did he say it was a sponsor?

[Dan Soder]

His friend that he met in the program.

[Eldis]

These guys are both pilots.

[Dan Soder]

But I do understand, I do get, get the. Want to go. Like I just don't want to bother him with it. You know what I mean? Like if, especially if shit's run smooth right now.

[Eldis]

Well, so they don't want the way.

[Dan Soder]

Things are going right now. And I think why he's doing this is cuz he's got that hotel room coming up.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so funny.

[Dan Soder]

I think you would even think about.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so hilarious.

[Dan Soder]

If he had his own hotel room, we'd be like, yeah, I don't drink.

[Stavros Halkias]

Then drinking Bacardi in a Hyatt.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is the reason he wants to do this. That's insane.

[Dan Soder]

Or he's good. It's gonna be like the end of Mrs. Doubtfire where he's going room to room. Like he's going back to the sober room and he's going like, how's everything going in here? I gotta get pulled away. I got another phone call. Drinking beers with his boys downstairs comes up. He's like, yeah, they like spit beer in my mouth and I spit it back. You know, I just tell your friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

You gotta look one way or another, you have to tell your friend. I also think you're dreading it because. Because maybe on some level you know this is wrong. Or if it's not, it's a really hard thing to convince someone that, yeah, you actually have figured it out.

[Dan Soder]

It's impossible.

[Stavros Halkias]

In the rare chance that you, you're. You've bossed up and you're not relapsing.

[Dan Soder]

Bossed up is such a funny way of calling it. Because that's the shadiest way of saying you could have just Gone. Like. Yeah. And I think I found a good. You want to. You want people to believe you. Use balance.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Use moderation. Yeah. I'm a boss, and I just decided that alcoholism don't hurt me no more.

[Eldis]

I'm bringing that cirrhosis.

[Dan Soder]

I said I talked to my liver. It was an a B conversation. You need to see your way out of it. See us for cirrhosis. Quit drink. You know, tell your friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, either way, you have to tell.

[Dan Soder]

Your friend because it's a couple beers before you do.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's weird. Oh, yeah, definitely. You want him smelling alcohol in your breath when you do it.

[Dan Soder]

Go.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, you want to seem really, really out of control.

[Dan Soder]

No, don't, though. Do not do that. Like, go sober. Go sober, or else he's gonna feel disrespect.

[Eldis]

Or drink and tell him you love him five times before you.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Dan Soder]

Why don't we ever do start that band?

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Be like, you need a ride home, man? I got you, bro.

[Dan Soder]

You got those electric drums. I'm a lyricist. I'm gonna give you something that really is gonna make you think.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right. Good luck, buddy. I. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

I'm married, but this other just feels so good. That was what it was like, really? No. You can't get both.

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

Hey, St. So I recently broke up with a girlfriend I had been dating for three years. We actually had lived together for two years. She actually ended up cheating on me with the woman, which is how we found out she was bisexual.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, we found out.

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

So we actually. She cheated on me two years in. We still dated for another year, tried to make it work, ended up not working out, and she dumped me and gave a laundry list of reasons why. Yeah. Anyway, she broke up two months before leaving.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's like. Look, I get that it's annoying she cheated, but it's like if somebody cheats and you date for a year after.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That you accepted the cheating. So there are other reasons. You can't drop that. You take.

[Dan Soder]

Take the hint.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

She goes, I. I. Someone else. And you go, is this not working out? Are we not on the level?

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyway, let's see what else he's got for us.

[Eldis]

Why?

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

Um, anyway, she broke up with me about two months before our lease is up. I found my own place. I've moved on. I actually have started to do, like, speed dating and have gone on other dates. What just happened within the past week. We've been broken up for a few months now. Is she showed me where her mom had gotten A message on Facebook where someone made, like, a burner account and messaged her mom saying that her daughter cheated on me with a woman, her female co worker, by the way. She hadn't told her parents that she was bisexual or b. That she cheated on me. And this person outed her, and I don't know who it is. We assume it's like someone I know. Maybe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pause.

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

This family member, this guy she knows.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy calling in to. To. To give. Yeah. To give himself an alibi. We don't know who it is. Stop.

[Dan Soder]

How do we.

[Stavros Halkias]

I find out who made a burner and told this horse, this woman's mother, that she cheated on me with a.

[Dan Soder]

Woman who would know the death shot is to tell her extremely Catholic parents that she's a lesbian.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyway, keep going, El.

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

She cheated on me and this person outed her. And I don't know who it is. We assume it's like someone I know. Maybe a family member, not Maybe not a direct family member.

[Dan Soder]

Remember.

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

Someone took it upon themselves and put me in a very awkward situation because, like I said, I've been trying to move on, trying to do new things, and then this happens.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, I mean, you still have to move on.

[Caller 3 (Sobriety and Breakup)]

Just looking for advice. Like, I don't know, because, like, I've been very cordial with my ex. We're trying. Not. I don't know about friends, but we're trying to, you know, move on but still be nice to each other. I feel like most exes in my past, I've just come cut out completely, but this one, I'm trying to be, you know, at least nice, too. But, yeah, she was devastated. It kind of blew up her whole world. And, yeah, it's. I'm just in a very awkward position because I am trying to move on, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

And, yeah, pretty much thing I didn't do. I mean, this is tough on both of us.

[Dan Soder]

This is like Luke after he blows up the Death Star. And he goes, I don't know who shot that. I don't know who was in that. Yeah, it absolutely was you. And you are. We get it. You're you.

[Eldis]

Why is it awkward if it wasn't you?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Why stay friends? This isn't high school. I cut it off. I wish you the best.

[Dan Soder]

I remember when I caught you munching carpet.

[Mike Vecchione]

Get the out of my face.

[Dan Soder]

Get out of my face. Get lost. Go to a Melath concert. You broke my heart dirty. Yeah. So what? I made up the burner slings nuts 95.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is there anything more of Substance Or. No, not really.

[Mike Vecchione]

Not really.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

He's just asking if. What he should do. If he has any culpability here or.

[Eldis]

Do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, yeah, that's the thing. First of all, why do you. You don't know how many people did you tell about this? Yeah, like that's kind of insane too. It's like, like, oh, maybe a family member. Not direct. Like so your cousins know.

[Dan Soder]

Maybe a second cousin, perhaps a husband of a cousin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, like your culpability is just kind of weirdly running your mouth. I mean, look, maybe you're upset, I get it. But it's like once you get back together. Go ahead.

[Dan Soder]

I would just say immediately if this was my situation, I'd go, it was the girl that you cheated with or someone she knows. Why has it got to come through my end?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a good point.

[Dan Soder]

Him telling on himself is going like, it's definitely someone on my end. I don't know who I'd go if. If that happened to me. I go, I don't know who'd you were.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, but why would the girl do it a. A year after. Cuz they hooked up a year. And now it's what triggered it seems to be the breakup.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Sorry to be ghost on your ass.

[Eldis]

Dude.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, I love this cork board.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh. Although you could argue that gives her even more cover.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

If she wanted to wait to make it look like him.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, it broke up.

[Stavros Halkias]

But look, basically no, you don't have any culpability. This doesn't you saying, oh, I was really trying to move on. Don't try and back door talk to her through this.

[Dan Soder]

I would never hurt her like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like exactly like don't.

[Dan Soder]

Don't try my wiener. You could eat it and pretend it's a. Yeah, that. Could I do that for you?

[Stavros Halkias]

So yeah. I would just say this really fundamentally changes nothing. Still, you still go through. You just say, look, I'm sorry, this is what I had nothing to do with this.

[Dan Soder]

That's not my jurisdiction.

[Stavros Halkias]

If there's anything, you know, you could be like, look, if you. If there's anything I can do to help figure it out, but I just don't know what. Because I had. I truly had nothing to do with this. I would never do this. We're cool. I'm sorry you're going through this, but you know I can't help help. And then you just keep moving on. You don't have anything to. You didn't do it. You didn't have anything to do with it. It's really up. And I do feel bad for your ex because, like, you know, parent. Parents don't need to know all that.

[Eldis]

Parents just don't understand.

[Stavros Halkias]

They just don't understand. If only there was a new fresh take on that.

[Dan Soder]

A fresh take from a fresh prince.

[Stavros Halkias]

That could maybe help a bi woman connect with her parents. Maybe something like parents just do understand, understand.

[Dan Soder]

Anyway, it's so funny to think about explaining that like, 80s rap where like, sometimes I eat puss, sometimes dick, and they go, oh, this is a very informative rap. Yeah, yeah, this guy did it. I still think the way he's like overly being, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, there's also no real question.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He just goes, there's like, what do I.

[Dan Soder]

That's crazy. That happened, right?

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

Now he's kind of got to be there for her. I got to be there.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you don't though. Exactly.

[Eldis]

You don't, actually.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Well, if you didn't do it, you're like, I'm exactly what you said. I'm sorry you're going through this. If there's anything I could do, I could help. But other than that, let's just move on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's move on. Enjoy living in sin with other harlots. But I'm. I'm. I'm going to speed dating. I want nothing to do with.

[Dan Soder]

So funny. He goes, I'm over here doing bobbing for apples with rainbows. And I want know why she's all hung up, that someone dropped a bomb on.

[Eldis]

I meant I'm doing speed and dating, not speed dating.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, man. Yeah, good luck. Don't contact her. Don't use this as a way to try and pathetically weasel back into her life.

[Dan Soder]

Done. She didn't want. You're doing good from it.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'll grow.

[Dan Soder]

Take another lady to pound town, dude. Yes, sir.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, sir.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

Hi, Stavi. Hi, Eldis.

[Dan Soder]

This.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

I am calling because I need some advice. A couple weekends ago, me, my boyfriend and my best friend went to this big old party. It was like 112 people. They have it every year.

[Stavros Halkias]

112.

[Dan Soder]

I hope they only play 112. Two people that show up and you go, it's too sexy for only three people being here. So if you don't want to be early to that party.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I need at least 80 people in here.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

And.

[Dan Soder]

Ha.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

And my best friend of 12 years, I'm 23, she's 24, kind of did some heinous during that weekend. She's also a mother of a three year old by the way life damn women are. She was basically like pawning cold to each other.

[Dan Soder]

Women are cold.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's find out what she did.

[Dan Soder]

But. I know, but just going like this. We did some heinous. Also, she's a mom.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, I know.

[Dan Soder]

Crazy. She's.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's already leading the witness.

[Dan Soder]

And we did some down.

[Stavros Halkias]

Objection. Just the facts, your honor. Doesn't pertain to the case.

[Dan Soder]

We did some downright. CPS needs to get involved.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, keep going Eld.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

She was basically like pawning her kid off to other people to get absolutely plastered.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh no.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

And cheat on her fiance.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, I'm on our caller side.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

And apparently one of those nights when I went to bed early, her and two other girls got into a bit of a scuffle and my boyfriend had to pull them apart. And my boyfriend is taking it very harshly because this party is like a family reunion that they have every year.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you brought your whole friend to a family reunion.

[Dan Soder]

Yo, you brought up. That is wild.

[Stavros Halkias]

I thought it was like we say 100 people. I thought it was like some kind of crazy.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Buried the lead.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

She buried 112 people's like three generations.

[Stavros Halkias]

You tried to suck off his great grand uncle.

[Dan Soder]

Anyways, who he did cheated with was my uncle Marv. His wife Patty.

[Eldis]

112.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I'm sorry, It's her. It's our caller's boyfriend's family reunion.

[Dan Soder]

And her. She brought her wolverine of a friend.

[Stavros Halkias]

And who by. I mean, that's hysterical. What's crazy is to treat that like Vegas.

[Dan Soder]

You're the plus one and you bring a plus two with a kid. With a three year old.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

And it's also like a two night event. That's a really.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is really insane.

[Eldis]

But it is family reunion. So. Yeah. You would bring your kid.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Her family. It's her friends.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you can fucking put it in a playpen with a little baby. Cousins, you know what I mean? While you go suck dick in the woods.

[Dan Soder]

It was your older cousin that's got the PTSD from Iraq. Is he single?

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

They have every year. And he thinks that he.

[Dan Soder]

They bas.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

My best friend basically embarrassed us.

[Stavros Halkias]

She did.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

And I mean she did. Okay, but she's also my best friend and.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

People do stupid stuff when they're drunk.

[Dan Soder]

This is so.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's a limit to that. I know.

[Dan Soder]

This is so 23 years old.

[Stavros Halkias]

It really is man.

[Dan Soder]

Crazy. Listen, I understand that I accidentally leave the flashlight on my cell phone on a lot. Yeah, I'm doing a lot of older guy. This is such early twenties dumb.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Dan Soder]

You have no idea that you're the problem. She did it.

[Stavros Halkias]

But it. She get. You get drunk, you drop it, Mark.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, you're supposed to live, laugh and love.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

She got nutted in next to a room that your grandma was sleeping in while her son was in a playpen or whatever. While her son was drinking orange juice. So her fiance was pulling a double.

[Dan Soder]

Her boyfriend was on a swing set, but the sun was down, so it wasn't even. There's not even wolves around.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have no leg to stand on here.

[Dan Soder]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't give her the drunk people, dude.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's finish up.

[Dan Soder]

Sorry.

[Caller 1 (Fetish Sex Worker)]

So I'm just wondering if I should be a little more harsher on her or if we should just shove it underneath the rug and maybe not invite her again next year.

[Stavros Halkias]

You think she still gets invited?

[Dan Soder]

Have a good day.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't think this is disqualifying behavior?

[Dan Soder]

The funniest part is her to her boyfriend going, hey, it's Chelsea.

[Eldis]

Are we gonna let her come to the field?

[Stavros Halkias]

No. It's also like, okay to take your boyfriends to get his POV he here. It's what? Like, okay, you've watched her act drunk, act stupid. You know, get in a fight at his family's reunion. Fuck someone at a family reunion. But then also you watched her cheat on her fiance.

[Dan Soder]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And if I'm your boyfriend and you're like, girls will be girls.

[Dan Soder]

About cheating drunkenly, I'm like, like, he's such a Samantha.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like, are you going to some guy cuz you get drunk? Like, is this okay behavior to you?

[Eldis]

That's a great point.

[Stavros Halkias]

That would. As your boyfriend, that would me up where I'm like, you don't think. Let's say you didn't respect her. You didn't respect my family enough. You don't think it's unacceptable. She cheated on her fiance with her.

[Dan Soder]

In front of my family.

[Stavros Halkias]

In front of my.

[Dan Soder]

Like, probably someone in my family.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I. And listen, I also understand this because. Because we talk about this concept a lot where there's like, there's like levels, there's pyramids of life where you like kind of shed your friends at different levels. Like graduate. When you graduate college, you realize like a lot of the people that I spent so hundreds of hours with, we just were in the same dorm freshman year and inertia kept us friends. We have nothing in common.

[Dan Soder]

That is 100 it.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then when you get to 24. You're like even the, the people that survived college. I mean, look, don't get me wrong, this is her best friend of 12 years. Right. So maybe she's not going to shed.

[Dan Soder]

Her, but you'll enjoy her when she gets sober.

[Eldis]

But.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly, exactly. I mean, this feels like she tries.

[Dan Soder]

To get her kid back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

By the way, what you don't understand.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is this is the first domino of the next eight years of this girl's life.

[Dan Soder]

You don't understand though, when she does see the kid, she's a great. Pawning your throat year old off to suck off your cousin. Get the out of here. It is crazy disrespectful to the family.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's also to you and your boyfriend.

[Dan Soder]

It's crazy disrespectful to you. You brought her.

[Stavros Halkias]

You should feel more upset about this and you should, you should investigate this dynamic you have and also how you allow people to treat you.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Doing drunk stuff. That's stupid. Is eating Taco Bell at 2 in the morning.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, right, right.

[Dan Soder]

It's not cheating on your fiance with a guy, guy that your best friend's boyfriend grew up with.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so to me there's two diagnoses here of your, the way you responded. One is you kind of just let people get away with whatever. Right. Like because she did disrespect you, you're trying, you're non confrontational, you don't want that, whatever. Or two, which maybe be a little more troubling is like you're not that bothered by this.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You do think this is reasonable people and it's not. And you should know. I, you shouldn't, you shouldn't. Basically you're like the, it's either like, you know, pushover or you see this as a people in glass houses shouldn't throw stone situation and that you have it in you to behave this way. And you either one of those is wrong and you should take a look at the way. Take a look at whatever, whichever one of those it is.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

You know, drunk people do stupid stuff type situation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, there's two. There's like she did four things too well.

[Dan Soder]

It just becomes an age where you just start waking up one day and it's not. Dude, it was so crazy. I got kicked out. I got arrested. When you're 19, you're like, oh my God, you're nuts. And then by the time you're like 26, you're like, you're a problem.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

30S and you go, I'm sorry. I don't. I. Who is this?

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, totally.

[Dan Soder]

You just have to. Self preservation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. So. So yeah, this just might be with you climbing onto the pyramid of mid-20s.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And because this is acceptable 21, 22 year old behavior. It kind of is.

[Eldis]

Even then, it's like, you should apologize.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even then you should apologize. You feel bad, but you could laugh. You can like, I'm sorry, she was out of line. And then quietly, privately laugh with your friend about it. But now you're at the place where you're like, she was out of line. I'll talk to her.

[Dan Soder]

What do we do? We just bury the hatchet, let her rip it next year sushi, complete the set.

[Stavros Halkias]

I need to know more about this event, this family. Look, this people could be white trash. They might also bring plus ones. The whole family might be like, hey, who's bringing? You know, I mean, like, it could be a bunch of trash. Cousins bringing for each other, that stupid face.

[Dan Soder]

She my ex. They're not the problem. They're actually. It was good. She fought.

[Stavros Halkias]

So. Yeah, maybe we're giving you a little hard time because we don't know exactly what's going on with the family reunion.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I think we gave you some good pearls of wisdom there. L. Did you have something quick for us to go out on here with the fellas? It's getting hot in here. I'm ready to leave.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

Yeah, this is an update from. Remember the Patrick Bircher Kush Bros? The guy who called in and said he, like, knocked up two strippers and his pregnant baby voice?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, the motorcyclist.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

Well, here's a little update from fatherhood from this gentleman.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, boy.

[Stavros Halkias]

So he thought he had, like, impregnated three sex workers at once? I believe so.

[Dan Soder]

Here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Here's our update from our biker.

[Dan Soder]

It's gonna make me enjoy my dinner so much. Like I'm gonna be eating there, watching Jeopardy with Katie and go, I didn't get three sex with, so it's good. And I go, that's all a little undercooked, but I didn't knock out.

[Stavros Halkias]

What do we got, El?

[Caller 4 (Biker with Stripper Kids)]

What's up, Stavi?

[Dan Soder]

You know what?

[Caller 4 (Biker with Stripper Kids)]

It is, so my voice is less gruff. I'm not sick, but I'm the caller that everyone was asking about a checkup and wanted to check in. I'm the one that got the two strippers and two escorts pregnant.

[Dan Soder]

Wait, four.

[Stavros Halkias]

Four sex workers?

[Dan Soder]

Wow.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

One of them was his. His, like, long term fiance.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, never mind. Well, in that case, never mind. I am still going to Do a one hitter.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, please.

[Caller 4 (Biker with Stripper Kids)]

Sorry. My cold steel.

[Dan Soder]

Don't worry about it, brother. I'm about to join you.

[Caller 4 (Biker with Stripper Kids)]

The kids born happy, healthy. The DNA checks out. Two of them are definitely mine. Waiting on the third one.

[Eldis]

Oh, my God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just a DNA test. As if it's like cutting the umbilical cord. Like, you know, you have the child.

[Dan Soder]

To be born for them to do the DNA test. So he's there and he goes, I'm not gonna cut that. We don't know yet.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Dan Soder]

So him just driving around listening to meatloafs. Two out of three ain't bad.

[Eldis]

Stop. You have a wild fan base.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, we got a nice.

[Dan Soder]

Wow. They.

[Stavros Halkias]

They do. One way or another. One way.

[Eldis]

Another DNA test is merch.

[Mike Vecchione]

You're right, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

We should.

[Dan Soder]

I would love it.

[Stavros Halkias]

The dream for. I want to do a like studio. A live studio version of Mari. Basically. That's the dream.

[Dan Soder]

But here's my question of that.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Similar to how it feels when you sit close at like ufc. I don't know if you want to be that close to that kind of thing. It's brutal watching a guy find out if he is or isn't.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know what you're saying, but I really would like to until you're in the room. I don't know. I just think I'm built for this dude. I think this is my thing. Like when Tim did his special for Netflix where he could of did Sally Jesse Raphael or whatever or like he. Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer. I think I could do Mory. Tim's our Jerry Springer. I think I'm our Mori.

[Dan Soder]

I absolutely agree with you.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, like, I really want to do.

[Dan Soder]

You're not calling Veone our Ricky lake.

[Mike Vecchione]

For like 10 years.

[Stavros Halkias]

I really think I would crush. You are not the father. Let's pitch that to Netflix. If you're listening. Let's do it.

[Dan Soder]

Come on.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

I'm ready to be Steve Wilkos.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

He's up there in between. Between them.

[Stavros Halkias]

We gotta get. We got. Yeah, absolutely. You tight black T shirt. We gotta get these same lie detector test expert too. The light. Oh, dude. The lie detector test determined that was a lie. You know how good that's gonna feel.

[Dan Soder]

To say I can't Marcus, I can't wait for your out of control teen episode. Who I want to know. Y' all mad? Cause y' all ain't living my life. This is Dan. He's 11 years old. I mean, four gangs and all I do is stab my teachers.

[Stavros Halkias]

No Dude, I want straight paternity episodes.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want straight paternity test.

[Dan Soder]

Do what you like.

[Eldis]

Are you gonna choreograph the dances or just let them freestyle?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll let them freestyle for sure. Dude, that's. That's part of the. That's part of the beauty of it.

[Dan Soder]

You're have to hire an athletic cameraman to follow that woman.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. If I don't get one woman sprinting, I'm to be pissed.

[Caller 2 (Update Caller)]

Dude, Saxon, Saxon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, Saxon will crush it. Dude, Saxon. We actually have an athletic cameraman already.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

She be running back.

[Stavros Halkias]

This kid will crush it, I promise you. Holy.

[Dan Soder]

We have coming together.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right. Keep going. Big eldest.

[Caller 4 (Biker with Stripper Kids)]

Yeah, shit's going good. Child support is not going to be that bad. I don't it now, but these girls. Girls are cooked in terms of court. I've got child support figured.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love this already adversarial relationship he's got. The kids are just born.

[Dan Soder]

He's like. Anyways, I'm getting a lot of tips from Sun Sues. The Art of War. I've learned to not interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake. That mistake is they've called 911 too many times. Too many. Boy who cried wolf.

[Caller 4 (Biker with Stripper Kids)]

Figured out they don't want it. I don't even want it. I am on my break for work for the next three months. I work in the Gulf on an oil rig as a crew chief, so financially I make money. I'm on for six, all for three, then I'll be on call for the remainder. So financially all I can say is we're well, we're doing well. But yeah, man, the kid. Two of the four. Well, we'll see. I have my doubts about one of the kids, so we'll see about that one. But the first two DNA's mine. Checks out. They're mine and shit's going good.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you know what?

[Caller 4 (Biker with Stripper Kids)]

That's the update.

[Dan Soder]

This guy feels like.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is awesome, actually.

[Dan Soder]

This guy's playing at a speed where life is winnable.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And I. You know, you don't have to go to the fastest batting cage.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

[Dan Soder]

Spunking some ladies that have bad relationships with their local court.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yep, yep, yep.

[Stavros Halkias]

You still get kids.

[Eldis]

Guess what? They're both strippers and I got them pregnant. But the courts don't believe them.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, yeah, they can't.

[Dan Soder]

They. They've cried wolf way too many times. They. Here's what. This guy's not giving himself credit. He talked a couple strippers into letting Them go hats off and blow inside him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure. And I don't know exactly that I would call that a thing for I don't know how much talking or how much negotiating he did.

[Dan Soder]

We all know, we all know. They don't. They don't let you make pies in every kitchen. Some kitchens have.

[Stavros Halkias]

He did, he did turn the back room of the strip club into a patisserie.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, dude, that's so funny. Sorry, lady. I just gave you what the French call a L cream pie. Let's check it out on st show.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love how positive this guy is about this.

[Eldis]

He's happy to have definitely a glasses half.

[Stavros Halkias]

He is a glass half also.

[Dan Soder]

That is more man than all four of us combined.

[Stavros Halkias]

Abs, oil rig, taking care of your.

[Dan Soder]

Stripper, Being stressed by it.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy.

[Dan Soder]

What a dude he is. Anyways, I pull, I pull oil out of the ocean and I put C into strippers.

[Eldis]

What's your schedule? Six on, three off.

[Dan Soder]

The only way, the only, the only ending for this is that his sons fight for the UFC heavyweight championship in 23 years.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. They are exactly the same age. That's pretty good.

[Dan Soder]

There he goes. You know, I've been waiting for this fight my whole life. Dana White book it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, man. Well, respect to this guy. We love, we love to hear this. Congratulations. You got a beautiful. You Congratulations your beautiful non traditional family.

[Dan Soder]

Congratulations. Yeah. On your army.

[Stavros Halkias]

And fellas, thank you for doing the podcast. Always. Thank you.

[Eldis]

Thanks for having us on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, we're going to soon all be Manhattan boys. I can't wait. Get some lunches, hang out, water the tap water.

[Eldis]

You know what, There's a picture of us from like 2016. All three of us in a cab coming back to Astoria from the stand. 2016 like eight years ago. Yes, it is. It's the old stand. I just, I think it's in my photos.

[Dan Soder]

Text that to us right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's such beautiful piece of.

[Eldis]

It's all three of us in the back of a car.

[Dan Soder]

Great. Well, send it to us.

[Eldis]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love the old stand, man.

[Eldis]

Yeah, well, it's an apartment building now.

[Mike Vecchione]

Yeah, I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

I said outside every time I walk.

[Dan Soder]

By, they're not taking my veils and they go, excuse me. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's one insane guy who's like guest body.

[Dan Soder]

I get past. Yeah. Then I go on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Patrick, Patrick, let me in, let me in. Patrick.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, I want a roast battle.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is going to do it for us this week. Guys. Thanks for listening and we will talk to you you next week. Bye. Bye.