#148 - Gianmarco Soresi

Summary

Stavvy’s World #148 - Gianmarco Soresi (September 29, 2025)

Episode Overview

In this lively and wide-ranging episode, comedian Stavros Halkias welcomes fellow comic and actor Gianmarco Soresi to the couch. The conversation bounces through travel tales, family oddities, comedic philosophies, and the struggle of finding meaning (and love) in the modern world. They also field listener calls on topics ranging from the moral dilemmas of “passport bro” dating to the etiquette of informing a stranger about a wardrobe malfunction. The episode blends sharp humor, real talk about creative life, and the boys’ signature playful roasting.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

European Adventures, Family, and Cultural Commentary

Timestamps: [02:12–04:45], [21:08–35:13]

• Santorini, Greece, and Painted Houses

  • Gianmarco recently visited Santorini and Athens, marveling at Greece’s strict but beautiful house-painting standards and the communal aesthetic.
  • “Legally, you can only paint your house certain colors…then you see it and go like, okay.” — Gianmarco [02:21]
  • Stav and Elders joke about the difference between U.S. homeowners associations and Greek village planning.

• Comparing European and U.S. Comedy Scenes

  • Both comics note the nascent standup scene in countries like Greece and South Korea, and how comedy’s evolution mirrors American sports: early steps are rough but foundational.
  • “I feel like they just learned what stand up comedy was in Greece three years ago.” — Stav [11:29]
  • “The first punchline was like, ‘Women are different.’ I was like, okay, that’s the first step.” — Gianmarco [12:03]

• Family Dynamics & Cheating Dads

  • Gianmarco shares stories of his “stunning” playboy dad (“Just a real piece…a real lady’s man”) and the family’s cycles of marriages, divorces, and girlfriends.
  • “Your dad is going through what a hot blonde woman goes through in her 40s — but in his 70s.” — Stav [33:32]
  • Discussion about how technology and social media have made old-fashioned cheating nearly impossible.

• ‘Cool Guy’ Masculinity and Sexuality in the Arts

  • Insights on being straight in a “gay zone” like theater camp, competing with (later revealed as gay) peers, and the nuances of homophobia in sports and arts circles.
  • “You were competing that hard. You didn’t even want the pussy.” — Gianmarco [40:22]
  • “Nothing drives me crazier than hearing gay friends who had sex with women in high school — you were getting pussy, and you didn’t even want it!” — Stav [40:46]

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Comedy, Acting, and Art vs. Ego

Timestamps: [10:00–17:57], [23:41–56:59]

• Grinding Versus Audience Coddling

  • Stav reflects on the ease contemporary comics have thanks to online fan bases versus doing “unannounced” sets to tough crowds.
  • “I miss that feeling of, there's just some fat idiot that you would get when you were doing open mics.” — Stav [15:32]

• Acting Training & Absurdity

  • Gianmarco recalls method acting in college, playing the character from “My Left Foot” and being wheeled around in a Craigslist wheelchair. Stav pokes fun at this devotion.
  • “You could have limped. How about we start with a limp, Gianmarco?” — Stav [27:49]

• Recognizing Artistic Limitations

  • Gianmarco discusses the pain of realizing he’d never be a top-level singer or actor, despite early success at a local level.
  • “The voice is inside, so you don’t find out until later. You train and you train, you go…whatever's in here can’t compete competitively.” — Gianmarco [54:08]

• Defining Comedy vs. Being ‘Cool’

  • Philosophical sidebar on how true comedians are “cool losers,” and how some try (and fail) to project mainstream or alpha personas.
  • “A clown is inherently… you can’t be cool.” — Stav [56:23]

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Listener Calls & Advice Segments

Caller 1: “Passport Bro” Moral Dilemma ([59:39–68:02])

• A 34-year-old man asks whether he should keep flying to Colombia to date (and/or pay sex workers), given he struggles with U.S. dating.
• Stav and Gianmarco break down the exploitative economics and encourage him to “pick a lane” — either actually move and try to build a relationship as a peer, or stop using it as an escape.
  • “You've reduced dating to a purely financial…and you have power over these women.” — Stav [62:59]
  • “If you struggle here and it’s easy there, move there…But the back and forth thing…” — Gianmarco [64:59]
  • Consensus: Be honest about what you want — don’t treat women like different “types” depending on the country. Either commit or quit.

Caller 2: Who’s the Daddy? Paternity and Morality ([68:13–81:52])

• A caller describes a “who’s the father” scenario involving her friend’s boyfriend, a baby, and three possible dads. Should the boyfriend take the DNA test, or hide the truth to avoid child support?
• Stav wants to host a Maury Povich-style reveal, leaning into the chaos. Gianmarco injects moral caution.
  • “Morality matters…If someone lacks morality, it will come to bite you.” — Gianmarco [79:19]
  • “Look, dude, your friend probably had a kid. It sucks.” — Stav [78:36]
  • Consensus: Take the test, own your actions — hiding from the truth just postpones the (bigger) consequences.

Caller 3: The Toxic Friend Bachelor Party ([82:38–89:57])

• A listener is dreading a bachelor party because one invitee (“Mark”) is unhinged, potentially dangerous (brings guns, starts fights), and the groom won’t uninvite him due to his Christian “forgiveness.”
• “If he likes this guy, it’s probably a reflection on the person he is, too.” — Gianmarco [88:23]
• “Forgiveness is not the same as, like, welcoming in.” — Stav [90:15]
• Advice: Life is short — skip it if you’ll be miserable or unsafe. If the groom is attached to this friend, it says a lot.

Etiquette Question: Noticing a Wardrobe Malfunction ([93:20–100:22])

• A caller’s neighbor had a nipple hanging out of her top while walking dogs. He waited a minute before telling her and wonders if he handled it right.
• “You did the right thing. The quicker you notice, the shorter the time between noticing and telling, the better.” — John Marco [94:11], [94:23], [97:14]
• Advice: Quickly, discreetly, and with no fanfare is best. Delay makes it weirder; don’t be creepy, just be kind.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Comedy's Evolution Abroad

  “In South Korea…the first punchline was like, ‘women are different’…that’s the first step. And then from there you do more nuanced misogyny.”
  — Gianmarco Soresi [12:29]

• Artistic Struggles

  “You have a full career and be mediocre…there’s avenues for the mildly talented, or if you’re good at farce but not drama.”
  — Gianmarco [54:38]

• Personal Growth

  “I feel like I’ll peak in my, you know, late 40s. Physically, fat, bald, five-seven guy. Born to be 43-48!”
  — Stav [55:38]

• On Clowns and Comedy

  “A clown is inherently… you can’t be cool…You have to be. Even if you’re cool, or people like you…You’re a cool loser.”
  — Stav [56:19–56:31]

• Bachelor Party Boundaries

  “Forgiveness is not the same as, like, welcoming in.”
  — Stav [90:15]

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Standout Segments (with Timestamps)

• Travel & Stand-Up Abroad: [02:12–05:02]
• Acting Method Gone Wild: [23:41–28:12]
• Comics on Comedy & “Easy Audiences”: [15:08–15:59], [55:58–57:14]
• ‘Passport Bro’ Dilemma Call: [59:39–68:02]
• Maury-Style Paternity Call: [68:13–81:52]
• Bachelor Party & Forgiveness: [82:38–89:57]
• Wardrobe Malfunction Etiquette: [93:20–100:22]

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Overall Tone & Style

The episode, as always with Stavvy’s World, is loose, fast, and irreverently sincere. Both guests poke fun at themselves, each other, and the absurdities of modern life. The advice is candid, rooted in “real world” experience, but delivered with a wink. The humor often edges into the absurd but is counterbalanced by real compassion regarding relationships and tough situations.

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Final Shout-outs

• Watch Gianmarco Soresi’s free special, “Thief of Joy,” on YouTube! [92:20]
• Check out Stavros Halkias and Elders on tour — get tickets quick!

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For more hilarious problem-solving, wild stories, and “real talk,” subscribe to Stavvy’s World and keep your voicemails coming to 904-800-STAV!

Transcript

[Stavi]

I'm here on the job site with Dale, who's a framing contractor. Hey, good morning. Dale traded up to Geico Commercial Auto Insurance for all his business vehicles. We're here where he needs us most.

[Elders]

Yep, they sure are.

[Stavi]

We make it easy for him to save on all his insurance needs all in one place with coverage that fits his business and bottom line. Oh, I shouldn't have looked down. It's all right. We're so far up here. Look at me. Take a deep breath. No, I'm good. So good.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Get a commercial auto insurance quote [e-mail] and see how much you could save. Get more with Geico.

[Energy Trust of Oregon Announcer]

At Energy Trust of Orego, we understand that energy isn't just what happens when you flip a switch, it's what happens afterwards. It's a home that can provide both shelter and peace of mind. It's a business that can run more efficiently and keep their dream alive. And it's communities that can thrive today and flourish tomorrow. That's energy. And that's why we partner with local utility companies to help you save energy and lower costs. For cash incentives and resources that can help power your life, visit energytrust.org hello folks.

[Stavi]

We have a great episode with John Marco Ceretrissi coming up. He's got a special out right now called Thief of Joy on YouTube. Check it out. And also check us out live on the road. Me and Elders are hitting the road in November. Memphis, Huntsville. We have some sold out stuff already in Tennessee. I'm sorry, you should acted faster. We have Greensboro, North Carolina. We have Myrtle Beach. We have. And then of course Austin, Texas. Boston at the Wilbur. We've already sold out a couple of shows in Boston. Fourth show is on sale now. Second show in Austin and that's going fast. We might have to add a third. Get your tickets now. We actually probably won't add a third. So get your tickets now if you want to see us. I don't actually. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Just buy. Just buy the tickets. Let's sell it out. Maybe we had a third, maybe we don't. I'm trying to be in New York for Christ's sake. I got this nice apartment. I want to actually enjoy New York in the fall. Buy your tickets and enjoy this episode with John Marco. Welcome everybody to stop these world. 904-800-STEP. Call in will solve your problems. We have on the couch John Marco. Ceret. Hello. How are we doing, buddy?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I'm good, I'm good. I went to Santorini this. This summer. Oh, nice Seeing these blues.

[Stavi]

It takes you back.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

How was your trip?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Oh, it was astounding.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Because there must be. Legally, you can only paint your house certain colors. And I'm sure as an American, like, I'd be like, how I want to paint mine. But then you see it and you go like, okay.

[Stavi]

Oh, it's nice to have some community standards.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

As long as it's not some like here, it's like in, you know, Ohio, they're like, oh, sorry, the trim has to be red and the outside has to be tan.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes.

[Stavi]

It's like just like, you know, home. Home owners associations, like sexless people with just a little pow. Everyone wants power in Santorini. It's like, look, we got to make this look good.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So I think it's part of the greater whole. Every, every. It's like every house has to look exactly like this. Santin is like, we're trying to create.

[Stavi]

A picture here, and it looks good. Be a part of that picture.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Beautiful.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You went, I'm guessing, with your girlfriend or what was.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes, I did shows in Athens and then Santorino.

[Stavi]

Was the vacation nice?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And it was. I mean, it was. No, I've never been to Greece.

[Stavi]

It's the best, dude.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It's the best.

[Stavi]

It's. I'm so spoiled of. We're all European boys. We all went on European trips. Eldis, I went on. I was working. Eldis, my tour manager and producer happened to go on a three week vacation. The exact time I was working.

[Elders]

He.

[Stavi]

I didn't know. I had no tour manager. I had no nothing. He was on the continent, enjoying himself while I was working, funding the operation.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You see through a window. He's on the beach.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

To his credit, he sent three emails while I was figuring out all my own travel, finding openers to make sure.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Those shows run smoothly.

[Stavi]

Even. Especially when you're not there. It's more nerve wracking. Oh, yeah, I'm sure you were fucking. I'm sure you were biting your nails. I was. Oh, I hope the shows are going well. I was torn up inside. You weren't fucking overdosing on Iberico Jambone, you motherfucker. Anyway, we all got so. We're all freshly, freshly from Europe. But I'm so spoiled where it's like, because my family, I grew up going to Greece, you know, we went. We took like four, four or five big trips when I was a kid. And I can't. Even though I love traveling, I love seeing other cultures, there is no better place to Vacation than Greece. That is my full. Like, I'll never get off that. I'll never get off that. I went for two days. I had two and a half days between shows. And I was like, I'm just going to Greece.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

The food was astounding. We went. We went to Rome after. And you go, it's good. It's all. It's a lot of just bread. Bread. Everything's bread. And then in Greece was like, the fish.

[Stavi]

Yeah, dude. The salad. I eat vegetables and I know how hard it is to get me to eat a vegetable. I'll eat boiled greens in Greece, dude. They're good.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I also, like, I had just gone. I was like in Amsterdam and Berlin and multiple times. I was just talking on my phone regular, and I was talking to my girlfriend. I was like, amsterdam is amazing. And someone's like, shh, you're talking too loud. And Greece was the first time. I was like, ah, my people. And we're hugging and we're kissing. Like, I'm a little Italian.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I don't know what's real and what's fake.

[Stavi]

The name, certainly this is.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

This.

[Stavi]

This happens with names. Like, people are so dumb. They. They, like, if you're labeled a thing like, Robert De Niro is like 1/8th Italian.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Really?

[Stavi]

He's mostly German or so he's like. It's like Chris Distefano. Same thing. Like, he's fucking German. But yeah. You. You have an aggressively aggressive. And that's. I'm guessing from your father.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes. But I think my mom had an Italian babysitter, so she's Jewish.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Her last name was Roth. Krug.

[Stavi]

Roth.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So fine, let's. Let's pass that.

[Stavi]

Both sides of the Jewish naming convention. Yeah.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Well, it was. We. We were in. My girlfriend and I, and she was raised Jewish.

[Elders]

Very Jewish.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Chabad.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And we were. We passed this wall in Rome of, you know, when. When Mussolini and Hitler or whatever, they had like a wall of all. All the. The Jews that were taken to. Yeah. And I always. We always talked about if we had a kid. I feel like even if my kid's less Italian than me, I loved having an Italian name.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And she was. And so I was like, I want my kid to have an Italian name. And she always said, like, I'm okay with that, but I want it to be, like an authentically Jewish Italian name.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And we never knew, you know, there's not that many Italian Jews. What are the authentic names?

[Stavi]

Oh, hell yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And then we.

[Stavi]

We looked at the wall.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I was like, this is a, this is a, a baby names book.

[Stavi]

Just a bunch of tragically slain guys. I honored, I honored.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

These, these are, these are real Italian Jews.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

What are the names? Do we have some good ones?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

A girl Julia with gi. And then a. A boy cuz they Daka Daka. It's a joke there. That's.

[Stavi]

Oh, interesting.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, I like. I, I mean if Luigi. My great grandpa was Luigi.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

His real name was Luigi but now it's. Now it's stuck.

[Stavi]

A statement.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You think, oh my God, if I.

[Stavi]

Name my kid Luigi, that'd be awesome.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It would be cool.

[Stavi]

You could name him maybe Mario.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah. I didn't love Luigi before because of the Mario connotation and now I'm sure Nintendo had meetings of like what do we do with.

[Stavi]

Oh, interesting.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

There's a, there's a, there's a Mario party game where Luigi snipes Bowser Luigi and just a bunch of coins go to Koopas with fucking cancer. A bunch of Koopas with fucking sling arm slings. Or they go to hospital if he.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Goes to the haunted house. And all the Ghosts are insurance CEOs.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Luigi's Mansion gets a little respin. He's ghostbusting fucking CEOs. I like that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I know. They certainly had to have a meeting of like. Like what do we do? People are going to associate this.

[Stavi]

The brand is strong enough though I think at this.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And I don't stand now another guy doesn't two Luigi's kill CEOs. Now we're can.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And Luigi's got to die somehow.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

He needs another brother.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But I was, when I was in Europe, you know, you mentioned Luigi got a big applause. I don't know what it's like in Asia though. We'll see. I'm gonna be in Japan.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

We'll see how Luigi plays there.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Are you actually going to Japan to do shows?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, I'm gonna do an Asia run next year.

[Stavi]

Wow.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

India too.

[Stavi]

India.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Singapore. Where I got to submit a transcript.

[Stavi]

Oh, I don't want to do that. I'm not doing that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I'm just more curious.

[Stavi]

I get that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Well, I did well I Japan though.

[Stavi]

I did like. I did like very low level like bar shows essentially. And it was just weird. It just felt weird.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I'll do that. I'll do a gig for the weirdness.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But I went to, to Istanbul and this is like one like my mom and my former stepdad both called separately. The divorce and was like, are you. You're going to Istanbul? And I was like, oh, let me Google. But I don't. You know, I'm an idiot.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So I'm like, oh, yeah, Both parents.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And it was beautiful. It was amazing. And I asked the guy, though, I said, like, he said, he said, you can say whatever you want. And then, then he said, just, you know, for the second show, there's going to be a Muslim call to prayer and it's gonna last.

[Stavi]

In the middle of the show, they.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Do five a day.

[Elders]

Wow.

[Stavi]

What time is this? Like 7, 8.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

This probably. Probably like 9. 9, 9 or 10. 9:30, I would think the first.

[Stavi]

Five a day. 5:00am and they space it out evenly. How does it work?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I would imagine evenly, but I don't.

[Stavi]

Every five hours or so or four, Four and something.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Something like that.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I said to the guy, I said it like, oh, so can I make, can I make jokes? Like during the Muzzle brain, he's like, say whatever you want.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I'm like looking at him like, I can say whatever I want. It's 10 minutes long. The guy's singing and reading names.

[Stavi]

I mean, that's insane that you'd have to do the show.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It was so much fun. I mean, it was so much fun.

[Stavi]

Everything was fun. Say whatever you want. Just no Demetri Martin style drawings.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes.

[Stavi]

No PowerPoints.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I thought Dimitri Martin would like draw more.

[Stavi]

Dimitri, no, no Dimitri.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No do the lollipop bit. Not the Mohammed bit.

[Stavi]

Right now a Greek guy getting killed in Turkey for drawing Muhammad. He would become our hero. I would be on like, you have no idea what you've done. Turkey, we're coming for you.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But then I wrote the, the, the manager because I was going to post the video and he said, he said, don't post that video. So you can say whatever you want.

[Stavi]

You can say whatever, but you post a video. Don't ask, don't. That's the way you can be gay in Turkey. You can make fun of the call to prayer.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes, yes.

[Stavi]

Do it on your own time. Just don't let us see.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But you're meeting. It's funny because you meet these comics and I hope this isn't cruel, but they're a year. They've been, they've gone to jail for a joke and, and they're a year.

[Stavi]

In comedy open micros who are heroes and they're bad and you hear the.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Joke and you go, I got a couple notes too.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

If I could Imprison some open micros. I would do it too, for other reasons.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, but.

[Stavi]

But that's crazy to be like, to.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Be punished for like Lenny Bruce, wow, six months in.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's tough.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, it's kind of beautiful because you go like, I go, like when people go, wow, you're so brave to say that joke in Texas. I go, no, they're brave.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

They're not even good at this.

[Stavi]

And they're bad.

[Elders]

Yeah, it's true.

[Stavi]

I mean, going to Europe, you do see the different stages that stand up comedy is at. Like, it's kind of like you said you did Athens. I feel like they just learned what stand up comedy was in Greece three years ago. Because I couldn't explain to my family, like, my family had no concept of it for like, you know, really?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You couldn't point to the Parthenon and go, it's like that.

[Stavi]

I would tell them I was an actor.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Sure.

[Stavi]

It's like a one man play. They could get that. But. Or a monologist or whatever.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I watched in South Korea because, like, they came back from COVID pretty quick with live stand up. And so, you know, I was like, maybe hilarious. And they, they had their first Korea.

[Stavi]

To do stand up.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Their first Netflix comedy special. They put up and it was some guy who was on. They have something that's like South Korea SNL and he did his first special and I watched it with subtitles and you're like, oh, this is the beginning. Stand up has been going on in America since so long ago. This is the beginning. And so like, one of the punchlines, I swear was like, women are different. Women are different. I was like, okay, that's. That's the first step.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And then from there you, you do more nuanced misogyny. Of course, of course, this misogyny is not as nuanced as ours.

[Stavi]

No, no.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But it takes time.

[Stavi]

It takes time. And yeah, you look, you even watch, you watch a. Like, you'll HEAR Like, Ellen DeGeneres had a legendary Tonight show. And you watch it and you're like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

What, the phone call to God? That's a good one, though.

[Stavi]

I mean, she's got some bangers. I just mean, like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, I know you mean, like, you.

[Stavi]

Listen, you watch even people you think are great, and you watch a Tonight show from the 70s and you're like, there were some. There were three great jokes in five minutes.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And there's a lot of just setting it up and there's. It's just like, it's like watching tape from the NBA in the 60s. It's a thing.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I read that book. It's I'm dying up here. And they talked about Jay Leno. They're like when Jay walked in over.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Foul balls.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I remember that. And then you go to Tonight show and it's like, baseball's goofy.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

He was like, there's some joke about like an umpire was like having a cream for jock itch. And it. And the punchline was like foul balls. And that was like one of his, like people knew that joke. Dude say foul balls, idiot. Not umpire.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Foul balls.

[Elders]

Yeah. Anyway. Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

That must have felt risque. And I'm sure, yeah, he got past the censors.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Anyway, I read. I know this because I read his autobiography as a child. That's the kind of stand up really kid I was. Yeah, I love stand up. As a kid, like I was fascinated by.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Was it a good autobiography?

[Stavi]

Not really, no. I mean, but it was good for being 11.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

What did he talk about though? Like they talk about the tough times and the.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean, gigs. Yeah. Oh, you know, working mob clubs. But also his childhood and like. Yeah, it is fascinating. I mean these guys would open for like singers. Like they would like famous singers. For a while in the 70s it was like, oh, get a stand up guy to like just kind of warm.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

The crowd up at the Playboy club circuit that.

[Stavi]

Can you imagine?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You would have rock.

[Stavi]

I would have loved the Playboy. I would love to do that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And then there's. I did.

[Stavi]

But they also sound like horrific.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Horrific but great stories.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

That's why I go to some of these countries where I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to Singapore to like do this. I want a story.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And the more, the more fans you get, the less, the more. It was a great show.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I walked on and everyone cheered in a flood. I did absolutely nothing.

[Stavi]

Well, it's cool to have. It's also cool to like have a shitty show again.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, especially like, you know, we're a very coddled generation where like when you get an online fan base, we people are like, it's an easy room. Kind of prematurely. Like you used to have to be a stand up. You have to be like a working for like a decade at the highest levels.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes.

[Stavi]

To get the kind of buy in that we get that we don't deserve.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And so sometimes I'm like, I like doing shows unannounced because it's like I'm not actually famous. I'm famous to my Fans, Sure. But if I go. If I. If you. If I go to the seller and they're like, we have a special guest. They're like, chappelle's here. Ray Ramon. You know what I mean? And they're like. And I come on. And people are like, literally like, who the fuck is this guy?

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I miss that feeling of like, oh, yeah, there's just some fat idiot that you would get when you were doing open mics or, like, shitty bar shows. Like, to me, that is the beauty of stand up. And I could see getting that in, like, you know, Italy, where they don't really know what stand up is. You're at least getting, or you're just not getting. Even though they might love you. There's a fucking language barrier.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah. You just learn something new. Like, if it's Italy, I'm like, I'd learn how to be physical in a better. Like, from an artistic way. I'm like, this makes you stronger.

[Stavi]

Sure, sure.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I just think. I think about political. The reason ever gets so preachy is I go to San Antonio and I swear, if only my audience was voting, Jill Stein would have had a shot. And it's like. It's like. So my. My brave Charlie Kirk joke. It's like, everyone, this crowd, we're on the same page.

[Stavi]

No, I know. I'm. I loved. That's why I loved. I do love going to the Mothership because before I did my special, I was doing anti Elon jokes, and people were like, there would be guys being like, because I'm making fun of Elon, where it's like, I go to my shows. People like, yeah, he's a piece of shit. But it's like, it's fun. And I do like that the Mothership gives us a conservative. Like, they give you, like, a chance. They give you the. The mirror opposite of Brooklyn.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And that is good. That is good to go there and be like, I agree to say shit that, like. Because my favorite special of all time is probably Elephant in the Room. And Patrice o' Neill says things that are legitimately, insanely misogynistic. And it's. And I'm laughing because I'm not. Because I agree. Because it's fucking funny. And it's like, that's the whole point.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And they always say when people over, they go, they go. They go, he walked the room a lot of times. And I go, that's the different era. If I walked the room twice at the Cellar, it'd be like, hey, we're gonna take a break. From spots here for a little. You're walking the room.

[Stavi]

We're looking.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And it's like the environment so dictates the kind of comedy that can come out of it. And Patrice is like, it was a different time. You hear those old stories and you go like, oh, I would have never worked again if I missed that one spot.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavi]

I mean, I definitely think it did hurt his career. Career that way, you know?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But it made great art.

[Stavi]

But it's like. Yeah, it's nice to get people that literally don't agree with you to laugh. That's the job. In fact, that's maybe the platonic ideal of the job, but I still. I. I don't know about. To me, I like that you're. That you're willing to go, because to me, going and doing stand up in Asia seems like a waste of, like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

I'm like, what?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I. I'll get there soon enough.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

This is the last round.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Elders]

Okay.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

This is the last round of this.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But. But, yeah, I think. I don't. I don't get that. I don't get that kind of challenge with audiences anymore. I do miss it. There was, like, one corporate show I did a long time ago, and, like, on the way, I was doing research, and I was like, oh, this is. I don't know what kind of union this is.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But there. There. It opened the. I got the Playbill and opened with a national anthem.

[Elders]

Love it.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Auctioning off rifles of all stripe. And I was the feature.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And it was clean. Everyone was old. I was just like, cowboys.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And then. And then they said. I swear to it, said, the standup tonight is brought to us by our sponsors, Exxon Mobil.

[Elders]

Yes.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And so, like, my mom happened to be with me when she drove me to this gig in Santa Barbara, and I'm like. I'm like, are you.

[Stavi]

Are you. Do you grow up? Where'd you grow up?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, she. Maryland.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Because I saw the. I saw the area code. Yeah, Here we go.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

She moved to LA after the second divorce.

[Stavi]

I love it. Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So I'm with her, and I'm like, you know, she's the only person I talked to. I'm like, I want to do a joke. And she's like. She's like, don't. Don't do a joke. And I'm like, I'm gonna do it now.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I need my mom to tell me, don't do it.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And it was like, there was a big banner that said, ExxonMobil. And I had some joke about the Titanic, the new Titanic. And I said the icebergs got a lot smaller thanks to my sponsor ExxonMobil. And it was. But it was like this moment where the audience, it was like laughter and then booing and I was like, I was like, oh. I felt, I felt like a badass.

[Stavi]

Totally, totally.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I can't now in any room. I do. It'd be like, Fuck ExxonMobil.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

But they, I do. I will say those guys sometimes when you do jokes to people like that, they're like, yeah, we, we are destroying the world. It's awesome.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, I do kind of appreciate them for being like, yeah, yeah, it's cool. Thank you. We like that we make you mad. You know what I mean? That is. And as, again, as an audience, societally, big problem as an audience. Pretty good.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Great show. Pretty good. Thanks for coming.

[Stavi]

Ah, eldest. We're living in crazy times. Life's been crazy. The world's craz. I'm exercising this fat body, trying to get in better shape. I have aches and pains that are physical as well as mental. And what helps me get that discomfort out the natural way. That's right. CBD gummies from Cornbread Hemp. Have you tried everything under the sun for peace of mind? It sounds like it's time for you to try Cornbread Hemp CBD gummies. They only use the best part of the hemp plant. The good shit, the flower. For the purest and most potent cbd. All products are third party lab tested and USDA organic to ensure safety and purity. Pure as the virgin snow. This cbd, you'll love it. Right now, Stavi's world listeners can save 30% on their first order. Just head to cornbreadhemp.com stavi and use code STAVI at checkout. That's cornbreadhemp.com STAVI and use code STAVI we love cornbread Hemp. You're gonna love it too. Get a little Cornbread hamp. Cbd Gummy up in you and relax, baby. I do love. I mean I do wanna the second divorce. I mean your family sounds insane. Just cobbling things from bits and pieces.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Just like how many divorces, how many sets of step parents but also just girlfriend. A never ending swinging door of girlfriends on your dad's.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Behalf. Which is fat. So how like where was your, your parents? Are, were they the first, were they the first marriage of each one?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think my, my dad was like, I believe, 33, mom, 25.

[Stavi]

Okay, nice.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And my dad is. Was like, just stunning.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh, really?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Just. Just a extreme, real piece. A real. And, and. And just like a lady's. I mean, his dad cheated. He was a cheater, but just really good looking in a way that was always over. You know, just. He'd flirt with women and they flirt back.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, constantly.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He'd say to the waiter, send my card over there. And then she. She'd come to the table.

[Stavi]

That's fucking. I mean, that's a different universe. It is, it is. All right, Peter. So I just saw, like, you probably saw too, that anecdote that was floating around about Robert Redford. My God, he wanted to play the.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It was Mike Nichols and the Graduates.

[Stavi]

He wanted to play Dustin Hoffman's part. And he was like, I just don't think you play a loser. He was like, like, when's the last time you even struck out with a woman? And he was like, what do you mean?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He said, he's like, you know when you strike out with a woman? And he's like, what do you mean? Yeah, mean the concept of striking.

[Stavi]

And he wasn't lying. Like, he wasn't joking. He never tried to fuck anyone. And it didn't work. And you're like, wow. That I can't even imagine.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

God, they do that because right now, like, on Broadway shows, they'll do the Music man with, like, Hugh Jackman. And the Music man, he's supposed to convince the town to come along and seduce Marian, and then they cast fucking Hugh Jackman in it.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I'm like, he could have walked in and be like, you want to fuck? And she'd be like, hugh Jackman, right?

[Stavi]

There was no, right behind the books, please.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And so it's nice that there was a time where, like, it's like, yeah. Not everyone has to be. In fact, them being hot negates the story.

[Stavi]

You lost a part for being too hot. Whereas now it's like the, like, you know, every. Like the classic Johnny. Like Johnny Depp plays a bald guy. They put up. They put Johnny Depp in a bald cap or they put, you know, someone in a fat suit. It's like, yeah, come on, man. What do we got here?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

The fat suits are the fat suits. And then they make the video. It took eight hours to put this on. And you listen to him. It was really tough being fat.

[Stavi]

In Conferral. I love. Incredible actor. Of course, Miami Vice. The remake holds a special place in.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

My heart by the way they used to be able to play a disabled person.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And that's how they got the rocks off. Now you can't do that anymore. Costumes. One of the last transformations they can get away with.

[Stavi]

You're so right.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Is very bad.

[Stavi]

Down syndrome's off the table.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Half, like, had, like, radio. All that's gone.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So, like, all right, Daniel Day Lewis is next. Next piece is going to be, like, the actor who played what's eating Gilbert Grave.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And that'll be his next movie.

[Stavi]

He is back with his son. That's a good dad. That's a good dad right there.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I love. I love Dandeluis. I wanted to be him for a long, interesting. I did you up. I was in an acting company. And you. You picked a real life person to be. And this was an intense. All we were doing. And the goal was, like, you'd inhabit that character in real life, you know, not for your whole life for six.

[Stavi]

Months, but as an acting exercise.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

As an acting exercise.

[Stavi]

And you picked Daniel Day Lewis.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No.

[Elders]

Okay.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I picked a role that he played.

[Stavi]

Oh, wow.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I picked a real life person that he portrayed in 1988 in a movie called My Left Foot.

[Stavi]

Oh, isn't that. He's like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He has cerebral palsy. He's the Irish poet who had, like, could only really operate his left foot.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And. And this was like this before comedy. This was deathly serious. No one at any point was like, you shouldn't do that. It really like everyone. When I did the exercise, the teacher who was tough gave me a standing ovation and said, if you keep working like this, there's nothing you can't do. And. And I got a wheelchair off of Craigslist. I, like, studied. And you had to take it in public. So it wasn't just class. So there was one time that my girlfriend at the time, who, by the.

[Stavi]

Way, you're in a fucking wheelchair. You're making your girlfriend push you around on a wheelchair.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And by the way, she's also. She's doing Audrey Hepburn as her.

[Stavi]

Oh, my God.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And so she's not necessarily saying, hi, I'm Audrey Hepburn, but she is in a cave.

[Stavi]

I can't believe this.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And we went out. So we went out to.

[Stavi]

I've got an invalid. It's quick, pick my pearls up with your foot. Oh, that's.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I would do the impression too, but I'm curious. So we went. We went to pay. It was. So it's like me and her. And then two other actors were all like, they're not. The other two are just doing like normal people, like a famous ballet dancer. But he's dressed like a normal person.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Mine requires a lot more.

[Stavi]

Prof. Of course.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And then when they go to pay, we're using my credit card. There was like a brief time where our faces were on credit cards. Do you remember?

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And so in this picture, you just.

[Stavi]

Smile normal and you're like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And. And I was like. I was like, they're going to. They're going to bust me. I don't know. I don't even know what they do. Well, yeah, I think luckily the thing is, I don't know if I was doing an amazing job because I was so scared.

[Elders]

Right.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Or no one had the courage to say, excuse me, sir, are you pretending to have cerebral palsy?

[Stavi]

Well, that's the thing. It's like, what do you gain from this? Other than who? Other than an insane. You're not trying to get the fucking discount.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, no, no, of course, of course. But it's. But acting is so stupid to justify it at any given moment.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Doing this. So when it on stage, it's believable. No one's cast me as the role.

[Elders]

Yes, yes.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I picked it myself.

[Stavi]

This was the one I wanted to do.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I'm still doing Meisner exercises. No script even.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Just a physical adjustment, we call it.

[Stavi]

Oh, my God. Dude, that's. That is insane that they. That. That's not considered a complete waste of time like so much of like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I believe. I think we undermine good acting in general, and I think we're suffering the. It's acting is weird.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Some people just have a lot of talent, but it can take a lot of training. I still believe I was not a good actor.

[Stavi]

I was not walking around making your girlfriend push you around a wheelchair.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Did you see my left foot?

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He did it for six months. And they say that when there was a wire, he could have stood up, but he said, you know, he said no. And people were like, rolling their eyes.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I go, show me a performance like that. Show me someone.

[Stavi]

Listen, you can earn that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, you can earn.

[Stavi]

He's earned it.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Sure, but you got it. What do you start with? One wheel.

[Stavi]

LeBron gets, and then you work your way up to the chat. LeBron spends a million dollars on his body because he's LeBron.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Sure.

[Stavi]

If I'm playing pickup, I don't get to be in a hyperbaric chamber and get a masseuse. You know what I mean? Like, I don't get to do that. I don't have. I don't get a nurse around the clock. I have to fucking work up to that kind of shit. You were some fucking guy in a fucking class. You don't need to get pushed around in a wheelchair. You could have limped. How about we start with a limp, John Marco, before we break Just some.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Cane.

[Stavi]

I like, because I know you.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Mean I. Dr. House.

[Stavi]

No, I know.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I know you're right.

[Stavi]

Like, I don't even think at the extreme levels. I can see that. Because, you know, I'm. I like. I like movies, so I want to act a little bit. And I think, like, think if you're a performer, you can be 80% good at acting and, like, being in some stuff. And I've been lucky. I just got to work with, like, insanely actual good actors. Right. Yeah. And. And I'm like, oh. Because I definitely had that thing of, like, acting's bullshit. Who fucking cares? And then you see people who are, like, that good at it, and you're like, I cannot ruin a scene.

[Elders]

Right.

[Stavi]

Like, I can naturally just. If everyone else is crushing it, I won't stick out like a sore thumb. But, like, it's the kind of thing with everything where you're like. To get to that next level. And at every percentage, it gets a little harder. Right. To get from course, 80 to 85 is harder to get. And then once you're in, like, 95. To get those half percentage points.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

To be daily Lewis. I believe that it's like six months or whatever. But there is a lot, and you know it. How many fucking drama kids, of course, pretend. It's like they are. They are operating at that level where it's like, come on, guys.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But I just think there's. There's a general. Like. It's like. It's the way Seinfeld don't always talk about acting. It's like, acting. What is acting? And I was like, you're the worst actor I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Stavi]

Crazy how bad he is. Like, how bad he's smiling. He smiles in, like, half the scenes he's in. And everyone else is so good.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That's the funniest part of that. The. On the, like, whatever a three watch of Seinfeld that I've done, it's now all I watch is Jerry.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But he's also.

[Stavi]

He's.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But, like, same with Roseanne. He's surrounded by geniuses.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Killers surrounded. And I think that's like. That was the old Model that worked. Roseanne couldn't, Couldn't act.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Lori Metcalf and John Goodman. John Goodman are two like the great actors of our time.

[Stavi]

Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. I love. So what. How old were you at when you started being a little theater kid?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

From the beginning. I remember like my parents were divorced, but I would dance in the living room and so I would like separately with the mom and with my dad. Why are you laughing? Because I said it again.

[Stavi]

No, no, no. Dancing in the living room.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah. But this is how early the impulse was where my dad would play disco. They both were like in the disco era. And they'd put on It's Raining Men.

[Stavi]

Love that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I would just be dancing and I said to them, we need to get our living room onto a stage so this can be witnessed.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So there, there is a deep yes from the jump to be witnessed that it's not enough to have joy on your own. Like you have to witness me having the joy for it to fully activate.

[Stavi]

Now where your parent like your dad would do they Are either of them like actor?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, mom, not at all. My dad now business guy.

[Stavi]

Business guy sales.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He like owned his own company. Did. I mean he's like now he has, he has 30 different companies that kind of guy. Like one. He used to do oil spill cleanups, which used to be a big money making thing. And he was, he was rich. He retired in his 40s.

[Stavi]

We had a Ferrari focused on getting pussy. Where in Maryland you grow up?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Potomac.

[Stavi]

Oh, okay.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Which is a rich. Is there a terrible Housewives. Boring.

[Stavi]

Whatever's over there.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No one in Potomac would allow their wives to, to be on that show. So that real people joke that it's. It's Real Housewives of Baltimore.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Is what you're watching.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

I never saw that one. I never saw that season.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But boring, boring people with money.

[Stavi]

No, it's insane. It's. It's like the richest.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Cuz like I had friends who grew up in that like of the rich D.C. maryland suburbs. That's the richest one.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

But so your dad was off that. And that was off like his oil spill.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Oil spill cleanup. And then he put it on the stocks and like he. The dot com bubble bursting definitely hit him hard and he got back into like just basically had machinery around. So scrap metal recycling is like the main thrust of it.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But then he's always trying to get into new companies. A cannabis thing for a second. And then now with like, with chat, it's allowed him to crypto guy too, or. No, no, thank God. Thank God. The things he's not. He's not political. Thank God. But I was in. I was eating dinner with him. Attractive woman walked in and he said, you think she'd be a good model for bad purses?

[Stavi]

Bad purses.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I go, I go, okay, let's start at the beginning.

[Stavi]

Oh, man.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And you know, it's like an. It was an Etsy store and it's, you know, it's. It's. It's the same purse that if I made merch purses, you'd buy it off that with the tag.

[Stavi]

Yeah, of course.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I'm, you know, pleading with him.

[Stavi]

Please don't go up to this Alibaba or whatever the. Like a thousand of them.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Prints it.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And he could. And he could be rich now. And now he's not because he got a thousand purses off Alibaba. And then he still thinks with that mind of when he's still for 71. He's a good looking guy.

[Stavi]

But he's.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But, but I'm like, you cannot approach that woman. Back in the day, she'd say, a model.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Please, let's. Let's go over to your place and talk it over. And he still has that. And I go, please don't talk to her.

[Stavi]

It's weird. I mean, he's got like, what a hot blonde woman goes through in her 40s.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Your dad is going through it in a seven.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You're right. You're right.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It's guys, Guys get to go a little longer.

[Stavi]

It's way long.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Unfortunately, it times. Right. With the maybe dementia and it's just a killer cocktail of social discomfort.

[Stavi]

Is he, Is he single now?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He's dating someone. He's dating someone.

[Stavi]

One of like those guys, if they were smart, they would see the end coming and lock down like a 45 year old. Sure. And be like, all right, had a good run. I'm gonna end my. I'm gonna still go out on top. But you go. Sometimes you hang on too long.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I think I just also think, I think some guys are a cheater at heart. Even if it's not like. I bet. Even if it's not like sleeping with other women. It's. It's online attention, flirting and whatever. And some guys just. They got that dog in them. And when you see it with your father, you go, like, I don't think it's ever going away. It's like it's part of you. I wish you lived in a different time where, where people were, did have the husband, did cheat and it was known, but it was part of the overall agreement and he made the money and that's. We all agree.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And instead it's just.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Your parents 20 years earlier yeah. Textbook great stuff.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, yeah. I mean if they're non ethical.

[Elders]

Non monogamy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

Non ethical, non monogamy. Yeah. What this society was built on. You whores understand, you want it all. God, dude, now, now look at us. Everyone's. Everyone's cheating out in the open and it's all gone. And look, society's gone to shit.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Anyone cheating. I imagine with social media it's just impossible to even re. Enter that there's just too much because I think part of the whole thing is like you keep things quiet.

[Stavi]

Yeah, you.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You do what you do, but you keep things quiet. And that's impossible.

[Stavi]

You could take five exits on a highway and no one knows who you are.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I mean that's, that's how they had a fit. You said they had a family in Florida. Yeah, yeah. Once they got in that plane.

[Stavi]

Yeah, they plane, dude, forget it.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Now it's like everyone's connect.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

It ruined cheating. Globalization ruined cheating. Interesting. So were you. Do you ever have any. Were you a cheater ever? Did you have any of that?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, not, not like, not like that at all.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You know, went to a summer camp and had a girlfriend and called her and said hey, can we be open? You know, musical theater summer camp, you know, but, but always like I think, I think I'm very much like if I am lying to someone, I feel so not close to them that it negates the why relationship would be there to begin with.

[Stavi]

You would just.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, if I have a partner, like I need to. I need to like love them and feel loved. And if I'm lying, there's a block where I don't even. I can't even get that like existential love.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I think the like, worst, worst I ever did was like once I was like. It was an acting is an acting program and I had a girlfriend and like there were two other women over and we were all flirt. It was acting. We're all flirting.

[Stavi]

Of course. And your method.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You picked that week a guy who gets his dick sucked by two girls.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

What am I supposed to do?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Fail the class.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And it's. It's me and it was three other women and it was just, it's just, you know, where Sometimes it feels like something must have. The smell must have changed in the air because you feel like sex is on the table.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And like, in that heat of that moment in a room with my girlfriend, I was like. Instead of being like, hey, I'd love to discuss. Like that, I was like, please, yeah, Please, can we do this?

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And that was. I think, to me, like, that was the words, like, me being like, please, please do this.

[Stavi]

Crushing her into, please, can we do this right now?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And it was like. It was like, yeah, okay. But then, you know, after being like, you clearly were doing that as a kindness.

[Stavi]

Sure. And that's pretty kind.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That's a big kindness.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I'll do whatever you want for a while.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You get a couple really big birthdays after this Christmas. Forget. Don't buy me anything. I got you on this one.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But to me, again, like, that wasn't. It was not a cheating thing. It was. I was asking, can we please, please do this together?

[Elders]

Of course.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Both of us.

[Stavi]

Both of us equally want this. I want to bond us. I mean. Ah, the fall, crisp air. You know, it wakes me every day. Eldest, I don't know if you feel the same way, but that's not enough to get a nice pep in my step. I don't want to do too much caffeine. It's crash. I crash out. I need something that's right, right in the middle, something that gets me feeling nice, clears that brain fog, makes me not feel groggy. But it's functional. That's right. I'm speaking of none other than mud water, folks. We're talking functional mushrooms. I don't want. Like I said, I don't want to have cup of Joe. I do get jittery. I have a hard time sleeping. I have started using mud water, and it's been exactly what I've wanted. Every single ingredient. They got 100% USDA organic, non GMO, all the good stuff. Every ingredient serves a purpose. Smooth, earthy flavors provide a delicious and natural source of energy. They got the OG Blend. That's what I mess with. The cacao and chai. Just a little hint of caffeine, but it feels like a little hot chocolate. I'm a treat, Lord, what can I say? I like a little hot. I like starting my day a little chocolatey. If I'm really being a little bad boy, I throw a little Splenda in there, too. But you just nice chocolatey. They got the lion's mane for focus, Cordyceps for Natural energy. Both Chaga and Raishi. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. Rishi. To support a healthy immune system. And listen, you want completely no caffeine. They got caffeine free blends as well. It also the best part is it provides sustained energy without the spikes and crashes of traditional coffee. Ready to make the switch to cleaner Energy? Head to mudwater.com and grab your starter kit today. Right now our listeners get an exclusive deal. Up to 43% off your entire order plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother when you use code Stavi. That's right. Up to 43% off with code STAVI. @mudwater.com after your purchase they'll ask you how you found them. Please show your support and let them know we sent you. You do though. I. I think we just talked about this on an episode before we left or. I remember what it was but you kind of are proving my thesis of like straight guy in a gay zone. Best guy to be. Because you might have been one of. There's probably, you know, however many women in every class and every guy but you and one other guy are gay probably.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And, and a lot of them, it's so funny the women that maybe they went for the other guy or we just competed to try to get this woman's affections and they're all gay now.

[Stavi]

Oh, and the women are gay?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, no, the guys. The guys. I mean. And sometimes I want to go.

[Stavi]

So even the ones that were straight?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes. A lot. Yeah, I mean a lot. And I want to go to them. Be like, you couldn't have given me a fucking break. You were gay. You were competing that hard. You didn't even want the pussy.

[Stavi]

Oh dude, that's nuts. Nothing drives me crazier than when I hear stories of friends who are gay now and they're like I didn't even know who I was. I was having sex with women in high school and I was like, you were fucking getting pussy. I would have killed out we. I've known elders my whole life. I would have shot Eldis in a non lethal place to get. It was all I wanted. And these guys are like it was so hard for me and they're thinking.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

About you while they're.

[Stavi]

This kid is sort of like a.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Weird shaped or this could be Starvis.

[Stavi]

Oh dude, no, a lot of.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I mean in high school at least in college I ended up having like a girlfriend pretty right away. But in, in high school, those summer camps and I don't know if it's different now. I imagine people come.

[Stavi]

You're going to now. Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

These camps were where a lot of kids did come out. I've seen kids come out in an acting class or they, you know, you'd hear.

[Stavi]

Or save up that bullet. When you're not doing well in acting. Got to gain some points with the teacher.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Come out. Come at an opportune time.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It's true. And there were women who experienced their first love and he was gay and couldn't help but internalize it.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

In a way that you certainly didn't. Even if. Even if you didn't believe in that. That's how it worked.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You just. You just took it that way. And I remember like, one where it was like she was devastated by it.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Something about it her up, of course. And then they both went to the summer camp and he was his roommate. And they were. They were the kind of twins. They were the kind where they look identical, too.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I love that style of gay guy.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So it's like, he left me brothers.

[Stavi]

No, no. You're sucking each other off.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So I could have done. It was still. It was like a little bit chaotic.

[Stavi]

Sure. I could have still. Yeah, you could have done better. But listen, you did great.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Sure.

[Stavi]

I always think that I'm like, yeah, send a. Like, either your kid is gay and he's having a great time at theater camp, or he's one of the straight ones and he gets to, of course, girls.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But there was one. I remember one guy dance, even cheerleading.

[Stavi]

I'm talking go gay. Or not even just theater. Like, let him do real gay shit.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But that's the fear that they. The question is, do people fear that their kid. I think they think even if my kid's gay, I want him to repress it. And if I. If I give him any kind of space where he thinks it's okay. Yeah, but. But I guess there are some people who do think, like, you catch it or you just, like.

[Stavi]

I mean.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But. But that's when you wonder. It's such an old trope of, like, all homophobic people are secretly gay. I do think there's got to be a chunk because their philosophy is, like, if you go near it, then you'll do it. And I feel that way because I.

[Stavi]

Think there's a chunk. I also think probably. I just do think most of them are just hateful.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Sure.

[Stavi]

Right. Sure. Definitely. The gay. There's clearly. I think. I think why it's so apparent is because the Loudest homophobes are the secretly gay ones. But the silent majority that just hate gays just by the theater, kids should have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can't. That's why, that's why some, some really conservative churches have some great parades.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That closeted gay guy's putting all his energy into some floats. You know what I mean? Like, they're, they're giving pastors like all this.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I just remember I, I went. I had a friend who was like a soccer guy in college, and I went out with him once, and we were with his soccer friends and we were going out to this club and one of the guys, they were all dressed up to go out and what. We're at this guy's place. So he went to shower and he came out to get dressed, and we were pre gaming and he came out of the shower in his bedroom, and we're all dressed and he's fully naked and he's standing with one foot, like on a stool or something. And I was sitting there and I was like, I've been to six musical theater camps.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

This is the most homoerotic thing I've ever been involved with. And I, I just think about all the ways where, like, with athletics, there's these spaces to be men and touchy and, you know, when I think of Greece or Italy, like, totally, there's touching.

[Stavi]

And it's wildly just kind of homoerotic.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I think just the, I think the, Those guys, they fear. They're all really close. If anyone is in that space that will go further. I'm sure some of them would. Some of them wouldn't. But even if the, the idea was out in the open, suddenly this thing is gay. I'm there as the, the gay representative.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Wanting to be like, oh, this is gay.

[Stavi]

You guys are being gay.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

This is. He's. Go put on your shorts. Are right at the dresser.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You're getting something from your dick being out.

[Stavi]

We're all. No, I know. I mean, there were my football team in high school, they would be, they would bully. They bullied a gay guy in a way where I was like, you guys kind of like, tried to fuck him. Like, they, like, they pulled their dicks or they did. They would do weird shit. They'd be like, look how gay we are. We're showering naked together. I was like, you are showering naked together. Yeah. And like, and they were. I. I think they're both straight, like, even to this day.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

Maybe one, but one is definitely straight. As hell. And I do. I was just like. I was like, you guys can't. Like, what happened is they, like, asked they. In a bathroom, shut the door, and it was with a gay kid, and they were like, let's see your dick. And it's like, that's gay, dude. You try to see a gay guy's dick.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Compared your gay dick to my straight dick. I bet I could get mine longer than your gay dick.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it was fucking crazy. It's like, you shouldn't bully a gay guy, but it's like, that is crazy.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I imagine there's a lot more bisexual men. Yeah, I think maybe it's that as opposed to, like, classes, just, like, feelings. And there's simply no room in any capacity for them to exercise that feeling, whether. Whether they want a boyfriend or whether they just want to.

[Stavi]

No, that's a good point. There's pro. It's probably not that everyone's closeted said, like, there's a lot of guys that, like, maybe would have just, like, jerked a guy off once. And now that. That was like, that fear.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

It was, like, coursing through them. And then when. Then when they're in all these, like, gay locker rooms, and it's like, I. You know, they have to be. Act all macho to be like. I would never even think that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? For me, those were brutal because it's like everyone's dick was so big.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I never had a space. I never had a space.

[Stavi]

Fucking crazy, dude. I was in Baltimore City public schools playing football, dude. These kids had some wild hammers on them.

[Elders]

And.

[Stavi]

And I was like, I would very. I was very specific.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I never had to be naked in those locker rooms. And I. And I don't know if that's better or worse. Would you be naked on film?

[Stavi]

My digging does not photograph well. You know, I need to get fluffed. I need to lose some weight. It's really truly about how little my dick is, because I don't care. Obviously, I don't care about being. If my dick was bigger, dude, I think I would be naked all the time, 100%. But I just have a.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And by the way, that's giving a false impression to the public that everyone's got big dicks. It's like, no.

[Stavi]

Big dick guys are the ones who are willing to show cop.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But, yeah, I like, I have friends who wouldn't be naked. And, like, I know their dicks are big, like actors or whatever. I was like. And then I, like, I don't remember what happened? It was like we were swimming or something. He posted like a weird picture where he didn't realize, like this guys with huge dicks don't even know. Like, he wasn't even trying to show their his dick, but he posted like some kind of picture on his Instagram. And I was like, bro, nice dick, bro. His shit was like peaking and he was like embarrassed. He wasn't trying to show his dick off. He's like a shy guy. And I was like, you're like a handsome guy with a big ass dick. Why won't you like flop your shit out more?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It's for the better, some people. You had a big dick. Can you imagine how many naked pictures you'd be putting out? I mean, it'd be.

[Stavi]

I do think, think I probably, if. I think I probably would have done like just only fans or something like that. If my dick was big.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I think I'd show my off. I would have at minimum done like a very artsy shoot where my dick is out.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Of course.

[Stavi]

Without question.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

If only my dick was bigger.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I, I, I got naked in that acting class once. Not in character.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

But I always just practicing.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I. Whenever I see nudity on stage, I always, I. Something about me, I go like, wow, good for you.

[Stavi]

Well, there's something about that kind of nudity that's almost asexual. Like those, those act like, the thing is those like acting zones and theater kids in general, it gets to a point that it's so over the top that it's not sexual anymore. Sure. Like, even that weird foursome you had probably wasn't that erotic. You know what I mean? It's just like all those kids are so weirdly touchy feely. Like, I remember I went to a sixth grade.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It was pretty erotic and amazing.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Was it good?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, no.

[Stavi]

Was it good for real?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No. What it really was was more one. One ended up going like, no, that's all right.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And still that's when you start with three.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

We can lose a couple. We plan to lose at least one. This is fine. We're still on track.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It was, it was more, it was more like two twosomes back to back, so to speak.

[Elders]

Yes, yes.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And it was like, okay, yeah, not bad. Still not listen, but you know.

[Stavi]

Okay, I take that back. It's not that it's not erotic. It's that it's so performative, it becomes asexual.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Where it's like, this isn't about fucking someone.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

This is about being seen fucking.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Which is like. And even that nudity, it's like, sometimes it's in people there is some kind of, like, intimacy. But it's like, that's why it is impressive when intimacy is done, actually. And it feels real in a movie or in something because, like, it's like, those people will do whatever to make a scene work.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Sure.

[Stavi]

But it doesn't feel. Sometimes it just does not feel real at all. Yeah. And, yeah. It's like, I'm sure you just saw a bunch of your classmates nude in a way that's just not even that horny.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But there's times you'd be kissing, like, in a scene, and I go, I'm cheating. Like, there's this idea, like, oh, there's a perfect one. Like, Rachel is the Superman. They're like, people were trying to spread over that Rachel Brosnan and the Superman guy were. And they showed one where, like, they were doing a scene and she kissed him. They yelled, cut. And she did another kiss, like, right after. And. And people were like, she did a kiss after the cut. And it's like. It's like, no, they're acting.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But then the other part, I'm like. I'm like, so the difference in cheating and not cheating is. Hey, I couldn't have cheated. We filmed the whole thing.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we filmed the whole thing.

[Stavi]

Totally. Totally. I mean, certainly no. No one ever fucks their co stars. Well, the thing about the reason that's not cheating is because, like, that guy just seems like such a nice nerd.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Oh, yeah. It's that it's. It's not cheating in the normal sense. I. My theory is all acting is, Che is sanctioned cheating. And I understand being in an open relationship. Yeah.

[Stavi]

It's kind of being poly acting as.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Being polly, of course. Except, like, who decides who? I get to a casting director. I go to the cast director. I need this.

[Stavi]

Come on, please. That is very interesting.

[Elders]

Yeah. I.

[Stavi]

What was your first? Like, what was your. Do you remember the first, Even if you're a little ass kid, the first moment where you were like, I'm a fucking star.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah. It was Princess and the Pea.

[Stavi]

Love that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I believe I was kindergarten or first grade.

[Elders]

Wow. Hell, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I was a prince, and I had to tell the princess, I love you at the end or hug her or something. And then. Very popular at the time. I turned to the audience and I went. And it got a pop. And it got a pop.

[Stavi]

You had to let them know. I believe in cooties. Even though I look, I'm doing my job as an actor.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It got a big pop.

[Stavi]

Oh, that must have felt electric.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I should have known. That's when I was a comedian, I think. I thought I was. It took me later 20s to be like, oh, I'm a comedian.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I wanna. I wanna say this bullshit a little.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

What about the first. What about, like, is there one where you really wanted a part and you got. You didn't get it? Do you remember the first. That first one where you're like. Or is there one. Does one stick out to you?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Middle school and college, I mean, middle school and high school were good to me.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And then you go to college and you go, I mean, I got big leagues. Senior year of college, I was cast as Marine's dad in Rent. And I was like, I'm a senior in college. I'm about to go to the real world. And I got Maureen's dad. My song is a voicemail I leave on our machine. I go, well, Joanne, we're off. We tried you at the office.

[Stavi]

You're not even on stage. Like, yeah, just do it from backstage. John Marco.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And. Yeah. That was. That was brutal.

[Stavi]

Gotcha. That was brutal.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So in high school, like, it was. I look back and I go. I'm chasing that feeling I had.

[Stavi]

It is like, as someone who loves both the. I. I think of acting and art. I mean, even stand up sometimes, but acting in particular, I think of it as sports a lot. And. Because what you're describing is textbook small town. You're the fucking quarterback. And then you get to college. And sometimes doesn't happen to college. Sometimes it happens. Like in the. Sometimes it might be even more brutal for the guys who are college stars and just can't. They're right underneath where they need to be to be actual Broadway guys or whatever. That might be the worst because it's like, at least you had time to rejigger and be like, I'm good, but I'm not. Whatever. Like, that is like. I do like to think of it as, like, sometimes it's. It's. It's competitive. It's like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I think it was like, for me specifically, it was like singing. Like, I thought I could sing. And I hit a wall, too.

[Stavi]

Wasn't just regular.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah. Music. I went to college for musical theater. So I was really in a musical theater and I. And I was obsessive about singing. And I thought, like, it was one of those things where I was like, I'm Gonna be able to sing as well as Pavarotti. I don't even like opera and. But like I wanted, I was just, I was gonna be the greatest.

[Elders]

Yes.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Deep down.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I feel like, like, you know, with basketball, let's say you're. I don't know a lot of. But if you're five foot six, at some point you, you're confronted with my body.

[Stavi]

Right.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It's like the voice is inside. So you don't find out till later. You train and you train. You go. I don't think.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Whatever's in here can compete competitively.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And it's not until you see like the greatest in the country, you go, I can't even.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Book a non union tour.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Well, that's what's even crazier about acting. Acting is like, it's nothing you can ever see. It's like almost complete.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You have a full career and be mediocre. I mean, editing can be great. There's all sorts of avenues for the. The mildly talented or you're really good at farce. You can't do drama. I watched, it was the Garry Shandling documentary and this is where he talked to Seinfeld is like, acting's nothing. And Gary, like really wanted to be a great actor. And it was later in life.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I think, like, what I would. He's a good actor, but he was fine. But he wanted to be Daniel Day Lewis. And what you wanted to say to like this 50 year old would be like, like, you don't have it.

[Stavi]

It would have happened.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You don't have it. And. And that's painful. And this is like a new pain. I confronted that pain when I was 21.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And I had more life in front of me.

[Elders]

Right, right, right, right.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And that's the thing.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I love it. I mean, I love coming from it, from no success ever. Because everything's a win.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, it's like, of course everything is. It's nice. I feel like I'll peak in my, you know, late 40s, physically fat, bald, five seven guy.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Oh, for sure.

[Stavi]

Born to be 43, 48.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I mean, like, that's what I'm gonna be. And even like comedy has just been like, you know, I do think probably as a little kid, because I, I definitely had like a moment where I. I think I felt that like I didn't want to be a theater. I don't want to admit I was a theater kid.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Sure.

[Stavi]

Because I mean, obviously look how my life has turned. Of course Right.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Like, but at least you admit it. Yeah, there's, there's, there's some, there's some comedians who I feel like, not to overgeneralize, but like in the sphere of which you started that want to give off like an aura of cool at all times. And I go like a clown is inherently.

[Stavi]

Philosophically. I think that the whole point is you can't be cool.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You have to be. And even if you're cool or people like you, whatever, obviously, like we have fans. Whatever.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You're a cool clown.

[Stavi]

But. Yes, exactly. You're a cool loser.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You're a guy whose whole thing is like, I take at losses and I make them interesting and fun and like, I guess some guys can be cultural commentate. Like they can see it from a cultural commentary point. But I think that's. I'm not interested in that. And yeah, even like, I mean, I love Carlin. I love, you know, like there are.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But he got pretty towards the end. He didn't want to be. He was mad, he was more angry. Yeah, anything, sure.

[Stavi]

But at least he, like, he has great stuff where he's commenting on things.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes.

[Stavi]

And, but it's. I think that's really hard to do. And I also don't find it that interesting. And I do think anyone who's a personal comic, it's like, it's really. You're a type of performer and you're. But you know, I had a moment where I was like, I'm actually a fucking cool jock. Like, that was definitely.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I remember being in like seventh grade and being like, acting's gay. I'm fucking cool and straight. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna play sport me while I'm five seven, fatty shit. You know what I mean? And I'm playing soccer or whatever and then football in high school for a little bit, but it just, I just do remember having that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

When did you realize. When did you go like, oh, I'm not going to the NFL. And by the way, in a way you did.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. For that is very funny. I got more access to the NFL this way than I ever would have. There was. I think I still thought I could play. Like, I didn't think I was going to the NFL, but I was like, maybe I could play like low level college, you know? And like. But it was just like. I don't know. I think what happened is I just got. I got too fat for football. Do you understand how hard that is to do? I got so fat, I started Wearing it at a telemarketing place that was next to a wendy's between my sophomore and junior years. And when I came back, my coach like, what the fuck? And I'm alignment. I'm the fat guy in football. And I was too fat to do that. And then I think. And then I just got bored and I was.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

The ref was like, you can only have 10 if you're gonna.

[Stavi]

Exactly. He's like, how many kids are in that uniform? But anyway, whatever. We have to help some people. We didn't get into your weird family. We got it. You got to come back. We got to get more into it. But what do we. Elders. What do you have for us here, little buddy?

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[Caller 1]

Hey, stop. First time caller, longtime listener. Really love the show. Love to see what you're doing. Just needed some advice, man. So I am 34 years old. I'm single. I was married young from like, you know, real early, before 20 to 25. And then I also had a girlfriend, a long term girlfriend for about seven years. But I recently been single and within the last couple years of being single, made several trips to Colombia.

[Stavi]

Oh, no.

[Caller 1]

Now what my question is, should I continue on this path?

[Stavi]

No, no.

[Caller 1]

It's kind of a, you know, seedy way to live your life.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Caller 1]

You know, going over to these, you know, less fortunate countries and, and dating there or should I try to date American women? I'm kind of having more trouble mentally getting along with girls from u. S And I don't want to be, you know, dipping my toes involved where like all Right. I'm talking to some girls in the US or all right, I'm talking to some girls in Colombia. I feel like the two types of lives are not king ruin. And I'm having issues, some of them are overlapping where I'm like, budgeting out. Like, do I go on a date with a girl from the States here or do I go on a trip back to Jesus Christ looking for some advice? Thanks so much.

[Stavi]

This is nuts.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I. I'm not. So. So this is the thing guys do if they're single and they have the means to go travel.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Well, they'll. It's. They call. They're called passport bros, okay? And they'll go. Sometimes it'll just be dating, but a lot of times these are countries that have like a huge sex industry and they'll just like, you know, Colombia, I think it can go either way. Guys, if you got a friend who's going to fucking Thailand every year, that's a big, That's a big problem.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Are they just hiring a sex worker or they're like, is it more.

[Stavi]

It depends. This guy. Because I have, I actually know. I have. I know a friend from college that, that has had. No, he's loving Colombia. He's got no moral quandaries there. And it's, you know, it's like, now you. I mean, look, what's your.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, no, no. In my mind, innocently, I'm going, oh, you meet someone there? Yeah, they like.

[Stavi]

My. No, no, no. Is like, it's kind of like, why do companies open. Why do companies open up factories in these places? Because you can underpay people. You don't have to treat them well. You know what I mean? It's like, sure. It's like, what. Why are you there? Are you there because you're just trying to use these women to get a sexual thrill? Because it's. He's doing the math. He's like, I take a bitch to the Cheesecake Factory in Bethesda. I'm fucking out 200 bucks. There's an Uber, there's drinks. I get a fuck. I get a. I get on a flight to Colombia. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in Medellin for 90 bucks. I. The, the. I rent a fucking five star hotel room for 200 bucks and dinner's $40. I come out $60 on top. Like, yeah, my. No, no, no. Is that. You have, you have reduced dating.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes.

[Stavi]

To a purely financial. And not just financial, but it's like you have power over these women. Because let's Face it, probably they're trying to come to America, you know what I mean? Or like, and maybe if it's. Maybe even if it's not that cynical like you still are, you have power over them because you just have more money. You just like you're in an incong. What's incongruous is the relationship you have with these women in Colombia. Not going back and forth between America and Colombia. And it's like, look, if you like Colombia, if you realize, look, my dollar, my sexual dollar goes further here.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

Okay. Sometimes people move where there's a better cost of living, right? But if you're gonna do that, find someone, treat her like a human being and actually try and date especially cause.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He was married for four, long term relationship, pretty soon after that. This is someone who wants a relationship. And if the way you're going to find that relationship is with this chaotic kind of sex first money saving way, you're not going to get that long term, using your term purchase that you're going to love.

[Stavi]

Yeah, well, that is the problem is that it feels just so transactional to me.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But I mean, not devil's advocate, just that, you know, someone here could date someone with less money than them and have that power die. I mean, that exists as part of the thing 100%.

[Stavi]

I just. And but what all I'm saying is like, decide what you want to do here. Because yeah, if he is like, the thing is he didn't go to Colombia because he's like, I've always wanted to see Colombia and fall in love with a girl. He was like, there's hot pussy for free over there. I'm gonna check it out. He wasn't like, I wanted to go fucking hikes.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

They like you more there. It's not about you. It's just you changed the environment.

[Stavi]

Exactly, exactly. And they do like him more there.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, but they might like his, his wallet.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Or just other things. But it's saying like if you struggle here and it's easy there, move there, move there.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But the back and forth things certainly.

[Stavi]

That'S what I mean is like, I'm not even like, look, you want to move there or you want to just go to a different country and you.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Like, I like, we're going to say you're Colombian. See if they like you for who you are.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Poor local.

[Stavi]

Oh, I love that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And then if they like you, get.

[Stavi]

The guy who did Drew Ski's white face do brown. Live your life as a fucking Colombian for Three months, see how much pussy.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And then maybe you'll miss those American gals real quick.

[Stavi]

But, yeah, I guess that's my. My. What gives me the no, no, no is just like, you're doing it because it's like you're just. You took that trip for that reason in particular. And the fact that he, like, goes back and forth. It's like, you know, I even know I have a friend who moved to Colombia because he liked Colombia. And it's like, I'm sure this wasn't negative in his pros and cons list for moving to Columbia, but he lives there and he puts money in the community. You know, I just like, yeah, I'm just like, decide what you want to do. And look, I'm not. You know, if you meet. If you marry someone from a different country, that's. That's fine. But, like, going. Going to a place where you're like, I can sexually exploit the women here.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah. Feels like there was Colombian women and. And women here. It's like, you've now divided women, and totally, they're all women.

[Stavi]

As a human being, you're like, exactly as human beings you want to be in a relationship with, you know, and this comes from someone who has no problems with somebody being like, I'll hire sex. I'm going on vacation. I'll hire sex worker. I'll have a good time. I have no issue with that. I'm just. You're kind of kidding yourself. You're kind of in this no man's land where it's like, is it no strings fun? Is it actually dating? I don't think you're doing. You're not doing either one of those.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And you might come under the illusion that it's. It's dating, but it's actually, you're going this. Sex workers treated me a lot better.

[Elders]

Yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right.

[Stavi]

So that's. I would say, if you're trying to actually date someone, either take it like, either, like, actually. And you like Colombia as a place and you like these people, fine, go there. If you want to make it a serious part of your life or just, like, stick, or if you've been using it as a vice, which I assume you have been, as a little, like, crutch, where you're like, I didn't get here. Skyscanner.com immediately, like, stop doing that. You know what I mean? But you have to pick one. You have to pick one side, brother. That's what I would tell you. And even if you were using it as like a fun little escape probably stop you could do you get divorced. You need a little how Stella got her you need a little Eat Pray love. If you're a guy who's just like going somewhere with that's why you never made that beautiful hookers it's like like.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But even if you're doing that it's probably time to stop. You've got. You can't. You're over your divorce. Whatever. So be honest with yourself about what's happening here and. And you know, figure it out. Colombia.

[Elders]

Huh?

[Stavi]

Now you said there's shows to do in foreign countries. Have you ever checked out Colombia?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No.

[Stavi]

I gotta eldest get. Get Magic Mike on the phone. My agent. Super, super agent Magic Mike Criscolo.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I don't Mike. He's a great good guy.

[Caller 2]

Hey Savvy baby, I have a bit of a question for you. So my best friend since middle school, she's been dating her boyfriend for about a year now. And they recently found out that he may be the father to a one year old. So a bit more context. We're all 21. This lady, he hooked up with her two weeks before he got together with my best friend friend. He's been telling her that it was a party. They were both drunk. He didn't use a condom, but he busted on her back. I don't think that exonerates him, but it makes him feel better.

[Stavi]

Babe, please. I pulled out and painted her shit. That's fucking awesome to use the busted on her back in a paternity argument with your current girlfriend. I don't know how this happened. How could this have happened? I nutted on her Twitter cheeks.

[Caller 2]

Him but it makes him feel better. But the only reason this is coming up now is because there's been a guy claiming the baby as his own. But he recently found out that the baby mama doesn't actually know who the real father is. And she was keeping a secret from him. So he blew the up out of that relationship. And so it's between three guys that the dad could be because the same week and my best friend on Meril's.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Back.

[Stavi]

Pierce Brosnan's like like, oh, I swear she swallowed it. We'd had so much ouzo.

[Caller 2]

And so it's between three guys that the baby daddy could be because she three guys were all in the same week and my best friend boyfriend being included. Now this isn't some sort of moral dilemma question like what's the right thing to do? Because I don't give a this isn't that has nothing to do with me. I only know the gory that my best friend tells me. Yeah, but our friend group is split because she's requesting that they all get paternity tests. And one of the guys did get a. The guy who was claiming the child as his own did get a paternity test, and it came back negative. So now they're down to a 50. 50 shot.

[Stavi]

I'd like to use my lifeline Regis. Done, done, done, done. You're really hoping it eliminates the. I was between those two already. This doesn't help me.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I'd like to find a friend. You saw I busted on her back. I told you that right when I left. That's what I said.

[Caller 2]

You saw it. But our friend group is split on what they should do. I'm on team that because they're barely making ends meet as is. And throw on a, you know, child support on top of that.

[Stavi]

They would be respect to you.

[Caller 2]

We have a bunch of other friends saying, no. The moral right thing to do is for that child to have a baby.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

That's what they sound like when they say it too.

[Stavi]

I love this woman. This is Machiavelli right here.

[Caller 2]

I'm just curious what you would do. What you. What your thoughts are in a little more funny context. The baby has blonde hair, blue eyes, and that is what my best friend's boyfriend has. And the other guy has black hair, brown eyes, which I know the recessive gene. But I'm so glad you take is on it. And I'm also a Patreon subscriber, so do with that as you wish.

[Stavi]

Thank you. This is a great call. And by the way, this is what I'm talking about. Our goal for the show is to eventually become the new generation Maury Povich.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I would kill to reveal this live. If. If you guys, it's probably you bust.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

On my back the first time.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

There was a second time.

[Stavi]

Oh, I would love to ask him that he busted thrice. I would love to ask him after lie detector. Did you bust on her back to see if he's even lying about that? This is incredible. I. I wish we could take. I wish we could do Reveal this.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Bring him in. I would love to start just planning this.

[Stavi]

Oh, my God, dude. I want to do this so bad.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No. Okay.

[Stavi]

Like, I've never wanted.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You wanted. You want to do it. You want to do it. But, like, so you're here.

[Stavi]

Mm. And you're. I would get a soundstage.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, sure, sure. It wasn't the production cost, I was concerned about. So. So then you're gonna be there and this new couple or this guy is gonna find out if this child. Who's. Either way, the child, has lost.

[Stavi]

The child's toast. Unfortunately, yes.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And. And you're. And your job is to make it light and fun, and you're witnessing someone's life's deep human moment. You don't think there's a party that go, oh, this show. I don't know if this should. This is how we should be handling it.

[Stavi]

Look, man, it's hard.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And then you show the kid. You show the kid. You want to see how mommy met daddy? We have a tape of it.

[Stavi]

Look, these are all consenting adults. I think it would be a powerful moment. I think it's more about exposing this humanity.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Today's theme is. You're busted.

[Stavi]

Look, look. Some of the power. My canvas is not the stage. I'm not in a wheelchair pretending to have cerebral palsy. I'm on a soundstage saying, which white trash person is a father? And then watching their faces as they have the realization, that's a beautiful moment. And I'm also tipping my cap to the greats, Maury Povich, some of the best television that's ever been. That's ever been created. And, you know, I'll admit, I've never for even one second considered the moral implications until you brought them to John Marco. But ultimately, I feel like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Is the kid there?

[Stavi]

Kid's a baby. Who. You know what I mean? Kids in the back. Yeah, kids in the back. We show. We show them. Because. Because you gotta compare. You put the baby picture, and you put the picture of the two dads, and you compare. And the audience goes, oh, exactly, exactly. And then when it. Maybe one of them gets up, he's like, look, look, Mori. He's got his eyes. You know that. I mean, these are classic beats.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes, you should.

[Stavi]

If you want a good time, go to YouTube and just check out. Some of you are fathers.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He died recently, right?

[Stavi]

No, he retired.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Retired. I definitely watched some clips when he retired.

[Stavi]

And you know what breaks my heart? My brother's bachelor party. He retired two weeks before it. I was gonna get us. It's in Connecticut. I was gonna get us.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

That would be.

[Stavi]

So tickets to go see Maury Live. And it was two. He retired two weeks before my brother's bachelor party. We ended up going to a Nets game and to WWE Smackdown. That's still pretty fun. Now to the question here. I mean, you are so in the wrong. It's crazy. I respect you. This is a real. She's got, like, a very real politic. Look at this.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

This is.

[Stavi]

This is Machiavelli. This is like. Look, we don't. We're at where we're at now. They don't have. They don't have to look after this child. If they take this Test, there's a 50.50 chance they have to look after this child.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Is the bus d. Asking for the test to be done?

[Stavi]

I think so.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Okay. She's asking. You didn't wear a condom? I'm sorry. I mean, yeah. First, there's. There's no way you're. If you are the father, if you are so confident, you busted on her back.

[Elders]

Right.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You can't be the father. What do you have to worry about?

[Stavi]

Well, I don't know that that's true. Unfortunately. Fortunately, a little pre come. Could do. Could do this.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Oh, a little pre come short.

[Stavi]

You know how quickly. How did you get the whole nut on her back? You know how. How far up the vertebrae did you shoot it? Was it close to. Did you go cheeks. Did some of it drip down? I'm not a gynecologist. I can't.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Of course, things. Dexter does the splatters.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So how are you standing? How big is your day?

[Stavi]

Yeah, we do. That's. That'll be our little twist on our moral. This. We do the re. The jizz. The jiz reconstruction. The jiz.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You bring out the thing, and then you turn on the black light. And that's the big light.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like the back.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You hit the back, you hit the knee, you hit the ear. This is chaos, sir.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Your shot wasn't as strong as you thought it was. It was more of a dribble.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You got. You got to get the.

[Stavi]

Come on. You get out here. I love that she. Now I love. I'm charmed by our collar. I think you're a great storyteller. You kept us wrapped. I love that you as a performer, sort of a different. A weaker. A weaker panel would be swayed by sort of your.

[Elders]

Your.

[Stavi]

Your hints at who the good guy, who's the bad guy.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

The recessive gene. But that.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Real.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

That's why the first bus was so. Because it didn't us. It came like. Oh, wow.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Speak like this, too.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It was real nice.

[Stavi]

But let's be honest.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

The guy your friends, by the way, can break like.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

They've been dating a year.

[Stavi]

This isn't your friend's problem.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Also problem. There is a such Thing as moral. What's morally right?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

She doesn't give a fuck.

[Elders]

Yeah, she.

[Stavi]

But why don't. This is interesting, because you started saying you don't give a fuck, but you clearly actually do you really give a fuck about your friend. Your friend's economic situation and basically her boyfriend having to pay child support would really ruin.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You mentioned the hair and the blue eyes. Because you know, you know. You know in your heart. I'm a little confused.

[Stavi]

Like, what the. Because she said one of the guys is, like, kind of has assumed the. He's assuming the kid is his. There was three guys. The first guy, he would be the guy that. When he. It didn't. It wasn't him. And Maury, he would start crying. Right? That's who he is. He was. He thought it was his kid the whole time. He probably didn't know she fucked two other guys that week. He's probably, like, thrilled to be a dad. Of course, God doesn't exist and he's a piece of shit. So it's not his kid.

[Elders]

Right?

[Stavi]

That's the easiest thing. It could have been his kid. No harm, no foul. Everybody goes on with their life.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

If God exists, he's got to answer a lot of this stuff. He's like, yeah, I'm a trickster.

[Stavi]

So it's not his kid. He's out.

[Elders]

Right?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Right.

[Stavi]

He already took the test. He's out.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

People will say, like, God is a dramatist. God is a mechanic. God is. Is a Mori fan.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yes, absolutely. God knows what we need to make good tv, and that's these kinds of fucking.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

So we got these other two guys.

[Stavi]

And two guys, and she wants to. There's two guys left, and basically she wants them to take tests. Look, dude, your friend probably had a kid. It sucks.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No boyfriend.

[Stavi]

Again, friends.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Boyfriend's boyfriend.

[Stavi]

So. And that's the other thing. I'm not clear on why you're so invested.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You don't want your friend to be with a guy who's not willing to do this test.

[Stavi]

Right? What?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I mean, because what happens when your friend gets.

[Stavi]

You assume that because they're together, he would be with her. You don't know that this guy, like. And also, it's like, you really don't fucking matter here. Your girlfriend only kind of does. But you're like, really? It's about this woman. Really, it's about this kid, right? So you want this kid to not have a dad, so your friend.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

People think morality matters in a case by case basis, but it's more if someone lacks Morality, it will come to bite you in the ass later if you surround yourself with.

[Stavi]

Not really.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

This might be convenient. But someday that lack of character will hurt your friend.

[Stavi]

That's a great way to look at it. That's. That's absolutely true. It's like, yeah, even if you get away with this, that's just how this guy behaves. That's also how your friend wants him to behave. That's how you, maybe you guys, maybe three of you are pieces of shit. The other thing that I'm coming up with, as much as I like you and you are very fun, the way you told this, just worried about your.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Friend, and I get it, and it's clouding your judgment in this moment.

[Stavi]

It's wrong. It's wrong. You should take the test. Like, you know, there's definitely been times in my life where I've been staring straight into the ceiling and being like, why did I do that? What if I get a call in four weeks?

[Elders]

You know?

[Stavi]

And I have been, I've dodged those bullets, but I've been like, if it happened to me, my life's changed forever. But I have a kid now. You know what I mean? And luckily, I don't behave that way anymore. I certainly have more to lose these days. I was busting all willy nilly where there really wasn't much to come after me for. But now it's like, you know, you just gotta. You have to take responsibility. As Maury would say, put a cap on it.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I don't know how you dealt with that anxiety. It was, oh, I'm a condom, I'm a condom guy. And only once, like, this woman, she was me. She took the condom off and then went back on.

[Elders]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

And tough to argue against.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

In the moment, I. I go, like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

If I had seven more days to think it over, I think I would have made a different decision.

[Stavi]

Also. To go from condom to no condom. It's just like, wow, you hit the NOS button on this, we're cruising.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I could have called some friends, be like, is this a good idea?

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It was like I had one second.

[Stavi]

And I said, you have one second. I didn't tell. The most genetically awesome feeling you can have. Millions of years of evolution are like, this is what you're born to do.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

That in a Marriott hotel room at 2 in the morning.

[Stavi]

Are you out of your mind?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And the anxiety I felt, I. I was watching her. She, she lived in Europe, and I would watch her Instagram stories. Like, I was waiting, honestly. And then she was at A party, drinking. I was like, okay. I think safe. Or I even worse. Yeah.

[Stavi]

No, I mean, it's. I've made some really, really horrible decisions in my life and they've kept me up and so far I haven't paid for them.

[Elders]

But we'll see.

[Stavi]

But, you know, that could all change at any moment.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

That's how the more. That's how it should end in a just world. Oh, you test them and they say. We did. We ran one more test.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavi]

That is how I would pay for it.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what? That's fine. Sacrifice me on the altar of you are not the father content. That's. Those are the higher ideals I care about. That's what I'm willing to give my life for. We've had some great questions. I mean, what else we got? Eldest.

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[Caller 3]

Hey, Stavi and esteemed guest. So my buddy has a bachelor party that we're planning and we're gonna go to Tampa. He says he wants to gamble and go to full new strip club.

[Elders]

Okay.

[Caller 3]

But he's inviting this guy, like, we can call him Mark. And I met Mark in high school. He transferred in my sophomore year because he had been public schooled his whole life. And he knows all the friends in the friend group because they grew up in the same neighborhood together. And like, in high school, I never liked him. He just gave up that super annoying, like, homeschool, conservative, Christian energy. And he's done like, a lot of dumb. Like, in high school, he worked with my brother's now wife girlfriend at the time and was texting her saying we should fuck. We ended up having to live together in college because we needed a fourth roommate. And he would accuse us of just like, fucking with his stuff, drugging him, like he was scared all the girls that we were hanging out with.

[Stavi]

Oh, no.

[Caller 3]

And then I remember after college, him and I got in a fight over social media because I reposted something about a school shooting. And he tried to claim that the shooter was a liberal and that it was all lied by the liberal media.

[Stavi]

Sounds awesome.

[Caller 3]

Like, this absolute Piece of. And then last year, our other friend had a bachelor party at parents beach house, and he was there. First thing that he did when he walked in is shows everyone the gun that he brought.

[Stavi]

Gun.

[Caller 3]

And then one night, he brought a.

[Stavi]

Gun to a bachelor party. Oh, man.

[Caller 3]

The gun that he brought. And then one night we're playing a poker game and we all decide that we're done playing. So he goes, oh, yeah? Well, what you guys don't know is I've been hiding chips this whole time. And lift up a napkin that's got a bunch of chips that he claimed he won. Shut the up, everyone. Keep your money since he's doing this. Well, he went into a full spaz when we said, we're not gonna pay him. And he, like, went outside, started throwing around.

[Stavi]

This guy's. Why does he keep getting invites?

[Caller 3]

Bad. When we said we're not gonna pay him, and he, like, went outside, started throwing around, and then he, like, came back inside. Like, we're all sitting on the couch and he just sits there and stares at us like he wants to fight us.

[Stavi]

And he's got a gun.

[Caller 3]

So after that, everyone in the friend group was in agreement, like, he's not going to be invited. My friend is now saying that he learned in church that he should forgive. And I'm like, dude, do you have any idea how dumb it is to say I learned that God would want me to forgive him so we can go gamble and go to full new sketchbooks together. So basically, I'm stuck. And I don't know if I want to spend all this money to go on this trip if this guy is just gonna be there, gonna ruin it. So any advice on what I should do? Thank you.

[Stavi]

Wow. I mean, this is nuts. This is. How does this guy keep getting invites to stuff?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

This is classic, though. There's no, listen, you don't go to church and go, I should forgive all people. He likes this guy. Your friend likes this guy for some reason. Reason.

[Stavi]

I mean, that is what it comes down to is that, like, if you're like, if you and other friends have been like, we hate this guy.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

He's not coming to anything else. And this guy's like, it's my bachelor party and I want him there. And you're right. The God is so stupid.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah. Just don't buy. I just don't. I just think it's like, we should. He's saying, like, God said we should forgive, so you guys should be cool.

[Stavi]

Right? And look, dude, unfortunately, I mean, we get this Call a lot. But it's like there are times in your life where people drop off, right? There's like this guy I get, I know I have friends like this from college where it was just like, but when you're 19 and you're just getting fucked up, what if when you're like 20 and you have your first off campus house and it's like, oh yeah, there's a guy, he brought a gun to my. When you're a kid, you're like, it wasn't annoying when he brought a gun to my house. Yeah, like, as a kid, you're like, that was stupid. And you just go back to playing GameCube. Somebody brought a gun to my house. Now I'd be like, I'm leave her. I'm calling the police. You know what I mean? Like, who I didn't like anyway. I mean, if it was a cool guy with a cool gun, maybe it's different, but, but like it's taken longer for your friend group to fracture. And maybe they're younger. Maybe they're, they're, they're generally, it sounds like from a conservative place, maybe you're getting married younger. He never said how old he was. He sounded kind of young to us. To us godless east coast liberals. Bachelor parties happen when you're 37, but for you they're probably happening. You're 24, right? So it's like, so wait, like this just might be your friend group splintering, you know, like. Cuz you have to decide. I mean, and I'll be honest with you, this guy sucks. I wouldn't want to go to a bachelor party where this guy is there.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No way.

[Stavi]

And so I would be like, all right, man, hey, you want this guy? You're like, I'd still probably go to the wedding because the wedding's different for sure. But I'd be like, I'm not spending.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Especially about the spending. It's a lot of money. It's a lot of sacrifice. I think if you love this friend and he goes, this is my boy. You have to confront. If you really love this friend too. Yeah, parties are important. I had like a friend where I went to the bachelor party. It was like a little early in the friendship and the fact that I went, I think solidified.

[Stavi]

Right, right.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Becoming really good friends.

[Elders]

Right, right.

[Stavi]

That can happen.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But if you're spending money, I think part of being adult is making clear what you don't want to do. And maybe your friend needs to learn that too. Maybe he likes this guy, but he brings A lot of pain to people. It's like, you got to hang out with this guy separately.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, True. I mean, there's definitely times in my life where if eldest got married at certain ages, I would have been like, you're bringing this fucking guy eldest? You know, And I think probably at that age, what I would have done was just make it everyone's problem that I was annoyed. Like, I would have been part of the problem too, you know?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But if he likes that guy, it's probably reflection off the person he is too.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean, anyone who's like, this guy is coming is probably an idiot. Your friend is a piece of. Also probably.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He's like, we're gonna pick up the poker game right where we left off.

[Stavi]

He's like, the guy. He had a smart strategy of hiding chips. You have to.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

We're gonna give everyone a napkin.

[Stavi]

Yeah. He had to level the playing field. Everyone gets a napkin.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I would. I. A million percent time. Life is short. I'm not going on this.

[Stavi]

And you hate him.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You hate it.

[Stavi]

I've never. I. This is. You could just tell from his story you hate this guy. You don't want to go.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Especially in today's political climate. If he had that problem with that shooting thing back then, that's all the goddamn conversation is going to be about right now.

[Stavi]

Imagine this guy's doing push ups and looking at a picture of Charlie Kirk right now. He's in his garage Mirage doing assisted dips, being like, they have no idea what they've unleashed. Yeah, I. I don't. You can't. This is crazy, dude.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Unless you can enjoy the chaos of being around this person. But I agree, if they have a gun, that makes the chaos less enjoyable.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I mean, in this, you're. I didn't even think about the political climate.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

A guy like this now might be number one worst guy to be around. I don't think you can do it, man. I don't know. But look, at the end day, it's your decision. But again, the spending. If I'm spending, like a grand to be. To like. And it's like time off, time off, weekend. Like, I mean, how close are you? How close is this guy? How close is your friend? Like. But don't.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Don't let this. My problem with the religion stuff is, ask your friend, why do you want him? Why do you want this guy to come. This God says to forgive.

[Stavi]

I go, okay, I forgave him. I don't like him as a guy.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it's like, I don't. I'm not mad at him.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I don't want to say anymore. Forgive and invite him to the bachelor party. That's not part of the tenet.

[Stavi]

No, no, no.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Forgiveness is not the same as, like, welcoming in.

[Stavi]

Well, yeah, he's not back in. That's a. That's a great point. Forgiveness means, like, a lot of times, forgiveness is for yourself more than anything else.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He still gets to go to the fucking wedding.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah, exactly. The guy. That guy's gonna skip the wedding. He's like, nah, I'm good. She want to go to the strip club. Which it does sound pretty. I mean, it sounds like a pretty good.

[Elders]

Good.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

He's gonna wear a Charlie Kirk T shirt to the wedding.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Damn, dude. Gambling in his full new strip club. We got to get that going. We never went to a strip club on tour.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

We did not.

[Stavi]

We. Where did. We were really thinking about it. Portland, probably.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

That's where we went. We went to a vegan strip club in Portland on my podcast tour.

[Stavi]

If we had. If we had another night in Portland, I think we probably would have gone. Oh, wait. Probably Portland. I think it did get batted around in a couple cities. I think I had some other stuff going on, actually, now that I think about it, in Portland, but. But we only had one.

[Elders]

Yeah, we.

[Stavi]

We gotta hit it up next.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I mean, it stresses my girlfriend, she goes, go to strip clubs, and I'm like, I. I'm like, I swear, you don't know what's going on in here. Yeah, I swear, there's no way. Yeah, I'm sitting here. I'm like, if you were here, we'd have a long conversation.

[Stavi]

Totally. What's the. Who we were you touring with? What was the.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Russell. Okay. Russell. And then my. My producer, who we've known each other a long time, but she's a woman. And we're sitting at this. This strip club, and the woman, like, flips over and it's like, pussy right in my face. And, like, I'm like. I'm like, I know Tova. Tova does not know what this is. And I'm doing, like, one of these.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And. And. And my producer, my employee is here, and I'm like, I don't know the rules. Yeah, I am HR right now, too.

[Stavi]

That's the beauty of the now. The downsides of hiding your stupid friends is that they go on vacation while you're also in Europe. But the upsides are no one's suing you. For hr. This is a very old school type of organization here at Stavi Baby Enterprises.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

The Lizzo. Lizzo. That was.

[Elders]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

I made elders eat a banana out of a guy's ass. I made JP Eat a banana at elders. All right, you got something fun for us to go out on here, Big L. And by the way, did we even say at any point that you.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Have a special out we Talked about on YouTube? Thief of Joy. It's on my YouTube for free.

[Stavi]

Should have said that. Go see. I think maybe we did. We'll put something in the beginning. Go see. Yeah, watch it. Pause this. Now go watch this. In fact, go back in time when this episode started. Yeah, watch the special, then tell your friends about it. Yeah, go, go, go Watch John Marco special, Thief of Joy. We'll link it and everything on his YouTube right now.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Thanks, brother. Here's a little silly one.

[LG XBoom Announcer]

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[Caller 3]

Hey, stop. And Elvis, big fan of the show. Hello, guests. I have a quick etiquette question. Tonight I was out walking my dog and I ran into this woman who had another dog. Our dogs were kind of getting to know each other and I noticed that.

[Caller 1]

Her nipple was hanging out of her tank top.

[Stavi]

Now, I.

[Caller 3]

Acknowledged that after we talked for like a minute or two, said, hey, just so you know, you might want to fix the cop. And she kind of looked down and fixed it. And anyway, it was kind of weird. I'm wondering if I did the right thing by acknowledging it, if I should have just said nothing. I thought I said anything to her and I kind of let it hang for a second, right?

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Because I felt awkward bringing it up.

[Caller 3]

But anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts and take care.

[Stavi]

This is very fun.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Really. This is a really good etiquette question because there's one scenario you don't say anything and she gets home, later goes, that creep. That creep just let my nipple.

[Stavi]

And in her. And in her head, she's like imagining all the time you were looking at her tit. You know, even if you weren't that much, it's going to look.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Seem like you were I think you have. I think you did the right thing. There's no good scenario. I did an. I did this acting camp once, and there was a teacher showing his headstands and he had a tear in his yoga pants right where, like, his was. And all of us saw it, and we're all sitting there and we didn't say anything. Come to class the next day. He goes, I was very disappointed in you guys yesterday. The class, immediately, right after you notified me that there was a tear in my pants. And not a single one of you mentioned it. And it taught me a lesson that do the uncomfortable thing. You're in a bad scenario.

[Stavi]

Yes. Unfortunately, yes. The true answer here is the quicker you notice. The time between noticing and telling. You want it as short as possible.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But what if it's right away? Okay, so I'm walking a dog. You're the guy, I'm the girl. Oh, what kind of dog is that?

[Stavi]

Oh, it's a. You might want to fix your top. Hey, sorry. Not to be rude or anything, but you might want to fix your top. Like, that's. That's ideal because you're not making it weird at all. It's a pure. But now no one had. No one's like that. You'd have to be a machine to see a titty. First of all, you're like, nice. There's a part of you just, like, sick.

[Elders]

Right.

[Stavi]

You have to get rid of that. Shake that off.

[Elders]

You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

You have to be like, no, no, no. Not nice.

[Elders]

Nice.

[Stavi]

Not nice. We're in a weird. Because usually when you're seeing a tit, it's always cool.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Of course.

[Stavi]

So your brain is like a random Looking at it. The woman's tit is out. I'm probably gonna. I mean, they're at a strip club. I'm gonna. This. Something cool is about to happen.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes.

[Elders]

Right.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes.

[Stavi]

You're in a random time where it's because. Or you see a titty you don't want to see and it's not cool. It's an old lady.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? You're at the. You're at a public pool and an old lady. Kids slip out. Whatever.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You're going to need to help her put it back.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. You're going to like. Yeah, you're helping care for your grandmother. You know, like.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

There's a. Very rarely do you see a cool titty in a way that you're not allowed to look at it. Right. It's basically this scenario And I guess breastfeeding. Those are the two that are like. You have to be like, no, no, no, it's not cool.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

But there is a point where if you've waited too long, you need to act like you just saw it.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Because if there's even a momentary thought that you've grappled with the question for.

[Stavi]

A minute, Abs, you can't at the end of it be like, oh, and by the way.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You might want to check your. You know what I mean? You don't want to do that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yes, I would. I would be talking. Talking. If I notice it, I'm grappling. Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

This is where the acting classes come in. You gotta look shocked.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I'm like, I need a wheelchair. And then I go, oh.

[Elders]

Oh, wow.

[Stavi]

Like, what? You know, you gotta really.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I would do it. Yes.

[Stavi]

I think the. The absolute best case scenario is, like, completely nonchalantly, as if you like your flies down, you'd be like, oh, your tits out. Not tit out, but like, oh, fix your top. I think you handle it really good.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah, I think. But like, don't do it. Oh, is it nips out day?

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I had no idea.

[Stavi]

Didn't get the memoir. Don't do that. You did a pretty good job. The reality is you want to do it as quick as possible. But it's hard, as I fear that.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You said in a way where you're like. Also just so you know, in a way that. That made it clear that you've, you know, you've been sitting with it for a bit.

[Stavi]

And look, you could be like, this is a little awkward, but you might want to fix your top because it is a little awkward. You're not. It's not your fault her tit is out. You were just trying to be a good. You're. This guy sounds pretty innocent here. He's just kind of making small talk with another dog. I'm not a dog guy, but dog people love talking about their dogs.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Of course. Because they can't talk to their dog about it.

[Stavi]

Yeah, right.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

They have so many private stories that.

[Stavi]

They experienced alone, they need to get.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It off their chest.

[Stavi]

So, yeah, dude, you did the right thing. But in general, I think with things like this, the quicker you're about it and the more, again, you can acknowledge it's a little weird. It's fine because it is a little weird, but it's not your fault. It's your fault if you make it weird. If you're like, nice. Oh, and by the way, sweetheart, that titty's been peeking at me this whole conversation.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I'm trying to think if my dick was out. And, like, if someone told me three minutes into the conversation, like, how I'd feel, I'd be like, oh, my God.

[Stavi]

One of your nuts is coming out of your shorts.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah.

[Elders]

You.

[Stavi]

You are eligible. You're one of the few men who's eligible to show by accident. You do, like, a nice, short. Short.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

It's true. It's true. We have to check the pictures sometimes. I'm like, oh, my God, they asked that for tonight. He was like, just make sure you're wearing underwear. That does. I was like, don't worry.

[Stavi]

Hilarious.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Don't worry. That'd be insane.

[Stavi]

That would be so funny to show on the Tonight Show.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I think guys that wear short shorts, that's how, you know, like, they're probably. It's average.

[Stavi]

They're okay to show cock.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

No, no, I think the opposite.

[Stavi]

The opposite.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

They're like, they're feeling safe.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

They're feeling fine.

[Elders]

They're not concerned.

[Stavi]

Yeah, true, true, true. Yeah. It is funny to think about a guy who's had to worry about.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Look at both of us. We're both wearing these shorts.

[Elders]

Shorts. Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You ever see someone on the show wearing pants? You know, they're packing.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Hard. With the exception of elders, who is wearing pants, but his dick is.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

I'm with that.

[Stavi]

I'd like to say elder's dick is little. For the record, by the way, your.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Dick'S been out this whole time. Oh, I know.

[Stavi]

He's been slow stroking and this whole time, but.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You did the right thing, man.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

You did the right thing. It's awkward.

[Stavi]

If.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

If. If she likes you, she'll. It'll be a funny moment.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

And if she. If she thinks you're ugly, she's just gonna think you're a creep at this.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

There's actually no true. The reality is, are you ugly? Because if you are, you handled it wrong.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

If you're hot, you should have never said anything. Walk the other way. Because if you're ugly, she thinks that you somehow did it.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

The HR meme. Absolutely. All right, well, good luck, little buddy. John, Marco. Thanks for doing the show, brother.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Thanks for having me, brother.

[Elders]

Yep.

[Stavi]

Guys, go watch the special. I'm sure you're touring. Whatever. Go see them live. See us live.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Yeah. Podcast the downside.

[Stavi]

Absolutely. Yeah. And thanks, guys. We'll talk to you next week. Bye.

[Elders]

Bye.

[John Marco Ceretrissi]

Peace.

[LG XBoom Announcer]

Stop settling for weak sound. It's time to level up your game. And Bring the Boom. Hit the town with the ultra durable LG XBoom portable speaker and enjoy vibrant sound wherever you go. Elevate your listening experience to new heights because, let's be real, your music deserves it. The future of sound is now with LG x boom and for a limited time, save [e-mail] with code fall25. Bring the boom xboom.