
Reggie Conquest joins the pod to discuss his new movie Is This Thing On? (in theaters 12/19), almost becoming a correctional officer, settling into unc status, why calves are like cleavage for fat guys, getting a plethora of DMs after showing skin on Insecure, ending up in the doghouse with friend of the pod Aminah Imani after telling her the wrong date for them to do Stavvy’s World together, and much more. Reggie and Stav help callers including a guy whose aunt is trying to set him up with her hairdresser, and a man whose friend is simps by drawing and tagging girls on his cringy art Instagram page. Watch Reggie Conquest in the movie IS THIS THING ON? in theaters Dec. 19th! Follow Reggie Conquest on social media: https://www.instagram.com/reggconquest/ https://www.tiktok.com/@reggieconquest https://www.youtube.com/@reggie_conquest Thank you to our sponsors! Aura Frames - https://auraframes.com/stavvy use code STAVVY Shopify - https://shopify.com/stavvy ☎️ Want to be a part o...
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Stavi
Welcome, Everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-stop- call in. We'll solve all your problems. We've got my man Reggie Conquest on the couch today. Reggie, thanks for coming.
Reggie Conquest
What up, man? That means.
Stavi
That's right, that's right, that's right. We want people to feel like they're having a nice time. You know, you're at a Greek restaurant, the owner shut the door, you know what I mean? He said, the ball, the ouzo's on the counter, you don't have to pay per shot. And then whatever calamari is left over, make up a nice Greek style. That's the vibe we're going for here.
Reggie Conquest
All right. I like it. It made me laugh. Soon I heard it's home brand.
Stavi
Thanks for coming, Reggie. And we do have a funny story. A friend of the show, Amina Imani, was supposed to be here.
Reggie Conquest
Yes. I fucked up.
Stavi
But you told her to come yesterday.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, I totally. I panicked, bro. I was like. I was so scared, like. And then she called me, just yelling at me. I even. I offered the Uber and she was like, and you getting my nails done. I was like, all right.
Stavi
It sucks when you up so bad. A friend can treat you like your girlfriend.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
You know what I mean? Like you, that is.
Reggie Conquest
I was so scared to answer the phone when she called, like, legit. It was in the morning. It was a little chilly. Yeah, it was bad. She has a son. Yeah, she's so bad.
Stavi
And it's tough to get here.
Reggie Conquest
We're in Queen. Yeah, she said she was three minutes away, so that means she was walking.
Stavi
She had already been on the train for like an hour. Yeah, no, that's a tough one. We were looking forward to seeing if she had, you know, how. What her relationship with Airbnb was.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, I gotta come back with her.
Stavi
I think she. Was she doing Airbnb? No, she just loves Airbnb. Right.
Reggie Conquest
But she, I think she got kicked out of it.
Eldis
She got banned because she was, she had like a really shitty one and she went off on that.
Stavi
Yeah, she loves reviews.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, she's a big reviewer. It's, it's, it gets a little annoying because I've been there for a few. She's, she's into that. That's what she does. So.
Stavi
Yeah, she's a power reviewer. She's a power Google reviewer. If, if, you know, 10 years ago she would have been setting Yelp on fire.
Reggie Conquest
We were, yeah, we were trying to, we were trying to come up with some ideas to do something together. And it had something to do with like going out to eat and I'm like, who's gonna sit and watch us eat? And we're all loud and cussing each other out, but we got all these ideas we just haven't executed executed, but I know we executed on that money. I had to center yesterday getting this call at like, it's like 10:55 you owe me and I had to send like $120 and I'm just laying in bed, like.
Stavi
Starting the day with a loss.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, yeah, that's all yesterday was, man. I'm glad I made it.
Stavi
You made it. Amina. She's getting her nails done on your dime as we speak. So she won't be here, but that's all right, man. What are you gonna do? Yeah, dude, thanks for coming. You got. I know you're in the Bradley Cooper movie. You know, it's, it's nice to be amongst a pl. A fellow plus size actor. You know, they tried to get us.
Reggie Conquest
Out of movies, but we're coming back. We're making, we're making a big comeback, bro. I'm almost, I was talking about it yesterday. I'm, I'm getting a little older and I'm like, yeah, I'm definitely playing dad or uncle. Oh, dude. Yeah, dad or uncle. Uncle Phil. I got like Uncle Phil. I look like Uncle Phil, but I still got this Fresh Prince vibe. Like old inside.
Stavi
No, it's pathetic the way we, our generation behaves, you know, like, it's like, what are we doing every day I'm having that. I'm like, look at you, man. It's over.
Reggie Conquest
It's over. Stop clinging on to your youth. Yeah, I got back problems. Just what the. When you're like hanging on to something totally.
Stavi
No, no, it is. It's just sort of like we're all dad aged but pretending that we're still young. And it is, you know, I don't know if you're feeling this, but I'm definitely like, what are you doing? I always feel like, let's figure this out, bro.
Reggie Conquest
And then the kid is still in me, right?
Stavi
Sure.
Reggie Conquest
I almost. I met AI the other day.
Stavi
Yeah, we talked about that.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, that's fucking. He had a book signing and literally almost I was getting emotional inside.
Stavi
I mean, Allen Iverson is. But for people like, we're about the same age, you know, I'm 36. It's like he was the guy.
Reggie Conquest
He was the guy.
Stavi
I mean, there was no.
Reggie Conquest
He was the man before. He was before. I wasn't the biggest Kobe fan growing up. It was me neither.
Stavi
Me neither. I think you had to pick. Yeah, that's what happens.
Reggie Conquest
You were. Because he was a sixer. You're from Philly.
Stavi
Yeah. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
So it was like. But I. I was. I felt it. I was bubbling up like all these emotions. My childhood flashing before me. It was like, yo.
Stavi
And that's supposed to be something that you share with your son?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, but you're just. You know what I mean?
Stavi
That's supposed to. This is, you know how you feel about Steph Curry? This was my step.
Reggie Conquest
Curry.
Stavi
But you don't have a son. You know, you're just a grown man who went there by himself.
Reggie Conquest
Tearing up, tearing up, wearing a jersey. I wore his jersey. I. I was like, I don't care. I never got. He never showed up to our school. He never did anything.
Stavi
Stars were never.
Reggie Conquest
They never show. But they sold it to us. And. Yeah. He never sold. Yeah. I felt like a big old kid.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Dude, it is weird. Like, I went to Disney World by myself. Like me. No, last year, me and my lady went to Disney World and we were like, this was suck with kids. This could. Absolutely. We were watching parents with their kids, like having a horrible day.
Eldis
This is.
Reggie Conquest
This.
Commercial Announcer
Why.
Reggie Conquest
Why would anybody come there with the kids? This is bad. So. Yeah, man.
Stavi
Yeah, dude. I know. It is very funny. I mean, I am definitely sliding into perfectly the uncle role.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
You know what I mean? Like just the, the like sort of like piece of uncle.
Reggie Conquest
Do you. Do you. Are you. Are you cool with your nieces and nephews?
Stavi
I have one, so we only have one in the family. But my best, you know, like my best friend had two kids and she's like. She's like, they're. They're bait. They're like two. Two and a half and a newborn. And that's cool. And then my brother just had a kid.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And he's the. I mean, it's like this fat little cute ass.
Reggie Conquest
And they. They know you.
Stavi
Yeah. Like, I'm around a lot. Like, I mean, when he had the kid part, I was pumped, obviously, but then I was like, I'm gonna have to visit my family so much more. Yeah, there go the fun like I used to have. I used to just not even go home for holidays. I'm saying I'm gonna have to go and see the baby.
Reggie Conquest
I've been. I've been an uncle since I was like, 10. Me and my brother. Me and my brother are 10 years apart. Okay. So my nieces and nephews, I kind of grew up.
Stavi
Right? Right.
Reggie Conquest
Like, as. They're like, big bro. Like, they.
Stavi
They call me an older cousin. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
They called me Reggie. For the longest. They just called me by my first name.
Stavi
Hey, Reggie.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Where's Reggie at? Like, but now they're older. They're like almost 30. Oh, wow. And they start to call me uncle now. Now I'm like, hey, you don't.
Stavi
You know, now it's Reggie.
Reggie Conquest
Y' all don't gotta call me uncle now if y' all don't want. But they're older now, so they're being respectful, right? And they're like, what's up, Uncle Reg? And I'm like, I don't need a.
Stavi
28 year old calling me uncle.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Yo, like, we grew up like little brother. Like, I was. My little brothers now they like, what's up, Uncle Reg? What's up, un?
Stavi
Un. I feel like in the last six months, UN has not only picked up, but it's lowered to the mid-30s. Yeah, it used to. Correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like it was exclusively for, like, 45.
Reggie Conquest
And I thought so, too.
Stavi
The Bluetooth set, you know what I mean? The classic Stacy Adams. You know what I mean?
Reggie Conquest
Like, bro, I wear slides a lot and I'm like, this is our generation of unk.
Stavi
Yeah, it's tr.
Reggie Conquest
It's like sneaker bottom slippers. It is true. Yeah.
Stavi
No, you're right. You're right. I have a conception of what it was when we were growing up, but it's now whatever we. I'm fucking wearing orthotic New Balance everywhere.
Reggie Conquest
But they. In our mind, we like, these are cool. That's what they thought. They thought those sandals were cool. They were cool. These are cool. But the Kids are like, nah, nah. Yeah, you're so. But I don't mind, you know, have you called. Have you called anybody, like a lady or auntie? No, I was at a function and I was like. I was like, we. The aunts and uncles and the girls my age, I was calling. Aunts were like, no, don't call us that. Don't call us that.
Stavi
Well, I feel like auntie is more sexless than unk.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Cause Unc, there's also a kind of like latent horniness to being an unk. It's sort of like a creepy. It's like you're not gonna do anything about it, but you all are horny. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
It sounds a little cooler than an uncle. I'd rather. Uncle.
Stavi
Uncle.
Reggie Conquest
Hey, uncle stinks. Hey.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah. Unc is. The uncle's definitely better. You can maintain a type. You can be a cool ank. In a way.
Eldis
Yeah.
Stavi
I mean, it's. I think it is just misogyny where it's like the. The female thing is just not as cool.
Reggie Conquest
Dude. Yes.
Stavi
Society just treats aunties.
Reggie Conquest
Do you say aunt?
Stavi
I say. I think I say aunt.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, okay. Yeah, I know. I know. The whites I grew up with say Aunt Philly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's my aunt.
Stavi
Yeah, we say aunt. And I think there's a. Yeah, we do. I. The Philly Baltimore. There's very close. They're like white trash cousins.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Like, it's very.
Stavi
It's very. The accent is very related. Yeah, but yeah, no, we. I always. We. I mean, I had a bunch of aunts, but I always, like. Just because all of them were Greek, so I just. They didn't.
Reggie Conquest
Names, though. I had a. I had an Aunt Libby. Aunt Debbie.
Stavi
Aunt Libby. Yeah, that's.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, I had a couple aunts. Aunt names. Aunt. What's my aunt's name? Aunt Libby, Aunt Debbie, Aunt Tangy. That's one of my favorite aunts.
Stavi
So you had a big family, huh?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, we had a. We had a split up, mom, dad side, but yeah, okay. Big family on the dad's side. All lit, all drinkers, you know, Love that.
Stavi
Are we talking classic big black family reunion situation?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, Conquest family reunion. I was jealous.
Stavi
When you'd go to a park, you would see like a hundred black people.
Reggie Conquest
Having the sickest cookout you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, everyone's got it.
Stavi
It was well before print on demand shirts. You know, like black people were way ahead of printing your own shirts.
Reggie Conquest
I went to both sides. One time in my life, the McBride side and the conquest side. Conquest is my mom's last name. Okay. So that's the conquest fan. I remember doing the egg toss right at the family. Okay. Straight Tyler Perry type film.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Egg toss and then my dad.
Stavi
Sack race.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Three legged race. Yeah. When your family's so big, you're basically running a summer camp.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. I went to both sides once and that was it. I never. Have you been to family reunion?
Stavi
No, I mean, we just. My family is two family reunions. Not really. I don't think so. And also, like, my family's in Greece. I mean, most of my, you know, my dad's in Greece also for Greek. Like, Greek will tend to have bigger families. I have a pretty small family. Like, my.
Reggie Conquest
Both.
Stavi
My parents only had one sibling. I only have. I have three cousins total.
Reggie Conquest
Damn.
Stavi
And then, you know, there's more second cousins and Greek people count those as just regular cousins, too.
Reggie Conquest
But do y' all do that family? Like. Like your mom's best friends are your cousins?
Stavi
Yes.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, yeah. Like, okay.
Stavi
And like, yeah, I would. I grew up calling everybody aunt who was not. You know, like, I had that.
Reggie Conquest
It took you a while. I remember growing up calling my cousin's cousin. And then you get in 20s, you're like, oh, we're not cousins at all.
Stavi
No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. It's crazy.
Stavi
Yeah. The. A. Definitely the. There is that extended. I don't know if it's like. Yeah, I think it's partially like an immigrant thing where it's like some of your family's over there, so you kind of like you just pick up other Greek people and form a kind of makeshift family. And I. I mean, I feel like that's. I like that vibe of the. Because there's. There's still com. There's community in that. Whereas, like, a lot of America just does not have that. They, like, they're so isolated from their families. They're just like, don't. They don't have that connection.
Reggie Conquest
We just said. I used to not go home for Christmas and all that stuff. I'll just stay up here.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Do shows and be sad.
Commercial Announcer
Chris.
Stavi
I do. Like, there is something fun about Christmas without your family. It does feel. It feels sad, but it also feels like. It feels like like no one else is having this experience. It feels kind of cool.
Reggie Conquest
I only do the. I only do the Christmas, Thanksgiving. I do want to be with family because. Only because of the food. Like, I know. I know I'm going to eat good if I go home. If I Stay in New York. I'm dying. Shit. I'm just. I probably go to seller, which. Their food is always good on Thanksgiving.
Stavi
They do. Have a nice Thanksgiving.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. I'll go home for Thanksgiving, Christmas. I'm like, I'm good.
Stavi
I'm with you, dude. And there's something. I mean, this city's great on Christmas also. Just. I don't. You're right. It is like a sad thing. You almost feel like. You feel like a divorced man, even if you're not divorced.
Reggie Conquest
The saddest, Yo. The saddest one. I've never forget this. On Thanksgiving. I was the sad. In Vegas. Cellar. Vegas. I was with Kevin.
Stavi
Oh, my God, Kevin. The Cellar and Vegas. I thought.
Reggie Conquest
You know what I thought? I'm like, oh, this is Thanksgiving. You know, I'll go to Vegas, make some money, right? Me and Kevin. ISO was in a Denny's on Thanksgiving. Oh, no, dude, this is like. This was like four years ago, bro. It was the saddest Thanksgiving that I can remember. I'm sitting across dumb Kevin. We're eating Denny's, and we were like.
Stavi
Why Denny's doesn't Vegas. I mean, Vegas has great restaurants.
Reggie Conquest
We just. It was in walking distance.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
From the shitty hotel we were staying at. Yeah.
Stavi
And the. The hotel.
Reggie Conquest
The.
Stavi
I mean, the casino. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. I think they changed it, but, yeah, that shit was.
Stavi
For a while. It was in maybe the worst casino.
Reggie Conquest
We both agreed and looked up and was like, yo, this is some sad.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so. That is a. That. That might be the most. My wife left me yesterday. Thanksgiving, I think of.
Reggie Conquest
It was so bad. Do you cook?
Stavi
I like to cook. Yeah. I like to. I actually prefer. Also, Thanksgiving is not a big Greek thing.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
So I actually stay here.
Reggie Conquest
Well, in general. Do you. Do you throw down?
Stavi
I do like to cook. Yeah. I like to grill. I like to. You know, I cooked. We had Easter on the road. We. I cooked up some lamb.
Reggie Conquest
I cooked up some.
Stavi
Some Greek. I do, like. I really like cooking. That is my. My dream. My. Like, retirement is just like, have a little restaurant.
Reggie Conquest
So as a. As a. As a big dude. Do you watch the oils and the season or you just go for it?
Stavi
If I'm cooking, go for it. There's. I have two modes, right? I have, like. I'm trying to get a little healthier as, like. And when I'm doing that, I'm like. I'm measuring out. Like, if I'm meal prepping, bro, I.
Reggie Conquest
Use the little measuring cup so much. Now let me Get a little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get a cup of rice.
Stavi
You know what I mean?
Reggie Conquest
But then I'm right back getting another half.
Stavi
Totally.
Reggie Conquest
But yeah, I've been trying to use like, different, you know, different seasoning and. But that gets confusing, you know, when.
Stavi
It'S too many steps, you're just going to not fucking do it. Yeah, but when I'm like, trying to cook to entertain, like, I like, do a rib roast for Christmas, I like to just like, you know, get basically what they cut rib eyes out of. You just get a whole fucking thing of it.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And then just smear it with like, garlic rosemary mayo.
Reggie Conquest
So you like a grill master?
Stavi
You will. I like to. Yes, this is. This. I roast in the. In the oven over the time, but yes, I like to grill lamb chops. I like to grill like, I make one of my go to's. Go to meal prep. I actually have it in the fridge for lunch today. Little flank. Little marinated flank steak. That's some good shit. Some soy sauce, some orange juice.
Reggie Conquest
Sounds good. I'm not. I'm not that. Grilling is not in me. That's the one thing about being an unk that I should have. That's not.
Stavi
That's despicable.
Reggie Conquest
But I think my. I think my dad beat it out of me because my dad was a grill. He was the grill master in the. In. In the neighborhood. Like, he had the.
Stavi
The.
Reggie Conquest
The three grill things, and he would do community block parties and.
Stavi
Oh, that's my.
Reggie Conquest
And guess who was his little helper.
Stavi
Yeah, it was you.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, my God. If I messed up, if it was bad, I think he beat it out of me.
Stavi
It was whiplash for grilling. Yes.
Reggie Conquest
It was like training camp for grilling. And I hate it now.
Stavi
I don't even want to do it.
Reggie Conquest
I don't even. Anytime I'll bring. I'll put money in, I'll bring food. I do not want to stay in.
Stavi
Over the bill for it.
Reggie Conquest
Dude, I know you have to do it, bro. I love I sandals.
Stavi
And you have. You have the grill master physiognomy.
Reggie Conquest
So in me it is. Dude, like, even I won't cook, but I'll be looking like.
Stavi
This is like. Yeah, this is like the plot of Creed, but for grilling.
Reggie Conquest
Yes.
Stavi
Where it's like, come on, I can do this.
Reggie Conquest
Yo, he. That was bad. And I remember I used to have to do it. Like, I wanted to hang out and do. Nope. We got. We got work, cuz. He. He would. He would grow the community.
Stavi
Dude, I feel the same way. I was doing. I was. I was shooting something and it was like. One of the guys was like, I'm gonna have a barbecue, right? Yeah. He had two bar. He had one barbecue. The. Basically the weekend I got there, I was working on this movie for a couple weeks. As soon as I got there, it was fun. Go to meet people. But the first time I'm looking at how they're grilling.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
It fucking pissed me off. Yeah. And the second time he was hosted at barbecue, I was like, why don't I take over? And I just. And I just was grilling. I brought my. I brought like. I was like, I. I gotta. I gotta do this.
Reggie Conquest
I have to get over this.
Stavi
And I literally just commandeered the grill because it was pissing me off.
Reggie Conquest
Y.
Stavi
How like, it was just grilling for need. Not for, like, not for a good time. It was just. Just enough. When somebody wanted a hot dog, they would grill a hot dog.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, my God, that is annoying. Like, put the whole thing on that.
Stavi
Rack of meat going at all times.
Reggie Conquest
I remember one time I was at a. Somewhere and I. I jokingly said the chicken was like, it wasn't. It was still a little.
Stavi
Little pink. Sure.
Reggie Conquest
And I said, hey, this chicken's still clucking.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And the grill. The person on the grill got so mad. I felt it.
Stavi
I was like, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
I was like, ah, my bad.
Stavi
No, dude, this is it. You're fighting your destiny.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, I know, man.
Stavi
You. You need to be a grill master, especially. It's in your blood. Your dad was the neighborhood.
Reggie Conquest
There's so much cool grilling. Clothes and the grill master. So it's like being a DJ at a party.
Stavi
100, dude. That's also the most revered position for a fat man.
Reggie Conquest
Yes.
Stavi
You have like, And.
Reggie Conquest
And you got like, I seen you, your calves when you got up. I'm like, those are grill masters. Master cat. I got some nice cabs, too. Get the little shorts out. That's like. Yeah. I am built for it.
Stavi
That's the girl. That's the thing is you have to wear clothes that hide at all your worst parts. Tank top for a fat guy's huge too.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Because you don't. You don't look that fat in your arms and your shoulders might look cool. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Up here. Yeah, I'm good.
Stavi
You need a billowy tank top.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And shorts that just get highlighted. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
The calves for a fat dude are like ass abs.
Stavi
Absolutely. That's fat cleavage.
Reggie Conquest
Yes, it is.
Stavi
That's. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Anytime a Girl's like, oh, you got it.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Like, yeah, you know?
Stavi
Yeah. That's why even when in the big shorts era, calves were still the one part of your body.
Reggie Conquest
I love. I love the little shorts era, though.
Stavi
Yeah. I'm with it. I'm not. I have decided again, this is part of unk hood. I'm not chasing trends.
Reggie Conquest
No.
Stavi
I am sticking with little shorts.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Little shorts are the shit.
Stavi
And. But. But thing. Even when people wearing skinny. I was wearing big pants already, so I'm gonna stick big pants, little shorts, man.
Reggie Conquest
I tried to Hawaiian. Yeah. Oh, you know what I mean?
Stavi
Hawaiian tracksuit. These are fat guy staples. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
I did try the skinny jeans.
Stavi
Error. I could see it was bad. I could see you being swallowed up by. By trends.
Reggie Conquest
It was bad. I did definitely do the skinny jeans. I'm so glad it's over. I'm so glad. Yeah, I was wearing them a little bit, but I had lost a bunch, so I was feeling my. That's another thing. If you're a big guy and you lose a bunch of weight, you start dressing ridiculous. You start getting crazy.
Stavi
Yeah. Elders in his head is like, he's been planning that era of his life.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Like, he's right now he's thinking of outfits he's going to wear. And in his mind, three months, I'm like just £20.
Eldis
£20 from now.
Reggie Conquest
You're going to get so goofy. At one point, when I. When I first got to New York, I was 380 and I lost. I had lost 90.
Stavi
Wow.
Reggie Conquest
So I was able to fit all types of shit, even at, you know, that's still 200. But to me, that was like a.
Stavi
Whole new world at that stage. You can maybe wear the fattest clothes in a regular store, bro.
Reggie Conquest
When I was able. When I was able to shop at H and M, it was a whole new world. I was like, oh, oh, it's up.
Stavi
Oh, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And this was the time where it was like a controversy. Like, they made some black kid wear a monkey shirt. Oh, I remember this. So that was around that time. And I was just like, hey. They was like, we're boycott. I was just chasing them.
Stavi
I just got here.
Reggie Conquest
I just got here. I just got here, bro. I was so happy to fit H and M. It's like, yo, this is great.
Stavi
No, dude, I know exactly what you mean. I am right now on that cusp.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Of like the fattest article of clothing in certain stores or like the smallest size at the big and tall store. You know what I mean? Like, I'M riding that line and I'd love to get into regular stores.
Reggie Conquest
Do you do. Do you do. Do you do smaller bottom and. And bigger top or bigger top, smaller bottom? Like, do you do. Do you do like a. Cuz I know. I'll do like a 2x pants.
Stavi
Yes.
Reggie Conquest
And a 3x top.
Stavi
Absolutely.
Reggie Conquest
And then sometimes I switch. I'll go 3x pants.
Stavi
Interesting.
Reggie Conquest
A little snugger up top.
Stavi
I. I'm definitely. I'm def. Due to the calves.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
My legs just looking better. I always go a little small, particularly tracksuits, shorts. I'm going smaller because it is the job. I have just a giant stomach.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
I gotta.
Reggie Conquest
I gotta gut myself too. I gotta get myself too. But if I got on a white beater, I'm like, I know. Doing good.
Stavi
I know. I. The. I am. I just need to get bigger arms. I'm just. That's the move.
Reggie Conquest
Like incline.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Some chest. I don't know.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fat guys telling each other. This is classic.
Reggie Conquest
I lost confidence.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
I don't know what to tell you.
Stavi
You can even finish the sentence. Incline.
Reggie Conquest
That's all I had.
Stavi
We forgot the mics were on. We were about to just lie to each other about how we look pretty good.
Reggie Conquest
You gotta get the incline going, dog.
Stavi
We're about to fall into a fat echo chamber. Oh, dude. We're just a couple incline benches away, dude. We're good, bro. That's very. So. So you had that moment where you lost a bunch of. You had just moved here or what was it?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, it was just. It was just around the time I moved here.
Stavi
Okay.
Reggie Conquest
Well, yeah, I moved here. My biggest was 380. And then I just started walking.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And then I started running a little bit, but I lost a lot of weight. And I look back at the pictures, I'm like, I still was the same size. I was like, I never. I look.
Stavi
You.
Reggie Conquest
You look at old pictures. You're like, damn, I was smaller.
Stavi
Totally.
Reggie Conquest
Totally. And you're like.
Stavi
When you thought you were fat as. Yeah, I have the same thing. I see a picture of me from like 2016 went in my head. I was like, you're the fattest piece of.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And now I would strangle someone to look like that.
Reggie Conquest
I'm trying.
Stavi
It's taken me years to get back.
Reggie Conquest
I think I've plateaued. I've been stuck. I've been stuck at the same weight for some time.
Stavi
Yeah, no, I had the same thing where I was. I mean, I gained a bunch of weight And I lost. I'm trying to get back. And I've plateaued in, like, the mid-280s.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And I did 280. Now I'm around 2. Like, 285.
Reggie Conquest
I'm 305.
Stavi
Okay.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
I mean, you know, you're also.
Reggie Conquest
How tall are you? I go 5, 11, 6 foot.
Stavi
Yeah. Yeah. You're a taller. You know, and you. You know it.
Reggie Conquest
You.
Stavi
You do carry it. Well, we. I think we're both lucky to not be the floppy fat guys.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
You know what I mean? The guys that, like, kind of solid. Very solid.
Reggie Conquest
I love solid. Solid's good.
Stavi
Which I think clinically is bad.
Eldis
That's.
Stavi
That's the kind of fat that kills you. That, like, clogs your heart.
Reggie Conquest
Heavy, heavy fat.
Stavi
But I would rather that than, like, the marshmallowy, you know, like, oh, somebody.
Reggie Conquest
I don't like when people poke my side and, like, it's like. I like it to be hard. That's. You start doing a little standing crunches.
Stavi
I know that. That idea that it's like you can just work out and just have, like, abs like a Ninja Turtle, where it's like abs over your fat. You know that again, that's.
Reggie Conquest
What's your. What's your. What's your workout now? You do a bunch of cardio. You do a bunch of lifting.
Stavi
I'm starting to. I was doing a lot of cardio, and I was doing kind of like body weight exercises, and I've recently started. I thought, my brother's a trainer. And he was just like, you just need to lift a little heavier.
Reggie Conquest
Like, your brother's a trainer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. You should be further.
Stavi
Well, he's. He's just had a kid. He's also in Baltimore.
Reggie Conquest
Oh. He don't. He don't sell. He sends you meal plans.
Stavi
He's just running his own fucking biz. Like, I fucked up because I helped him start his own business, which made it so that he would never pay attention to me again. Because now he's, like, trying to. Like, when he was like, you know, working for somebody else, he had all.
Reggie Conquest
The time in the world, but now.
Stavi
He'S like, I have a child in a business.
Reggie Conquest
Okay, I beat it.
Stavi
Yeah. I mean, so I get, you know him, right? Piece of.
Reggie Conquest
Damn. I wish I always wished I had a. I don't know if it would change anything. I'm like, man, I wish I had a brother that was a. Or a cousin or something that was in the fitness.
Stavi
Well, that's the. I mean, when we were in the one time there was like a summer in college where he, he was in school training. I mean he wasn't a trainer yet, but he was like taking classes and, and we had a summer where he trained. We like worked out, we hung out all the time. I lost a bunch of weight then I, I then and it was like in college where I was like I need to just do something to get I'm a loser. And I lost weight. I was the smallest I've ever been, whatever. And I was in good shape. Got a girlfriend and just immediately got fat as shit.
Reggie Conquest
Relationships immediately got fat as that happy weight. Bullshit. So bullshit.
Stavi
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Stavi
But you know what are you gonna do? And so was this now when you were at your smallest was this the because you have a pretty well known nude scene. Of course we're we're talking to TSA Bay here of, you know, Vin Secure fame eldest.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, yeah.
Stavi
Well, you were showing cheeks and.
Reggie Conquest
It was like, yeah, it was like, ye.
Stavi
I'll do that.
Reggie Conquest
Want to start the show? Hell yeah.
Stavi
Dude, that was. That must have been big because that was. I mean, at the time, that was the biggest show culturally. Like, I feel like everyone was watching that show for sure. I feel like a lot of people in our age group saw your ass cheeks.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, it was. And I didn't tell anybody. I just, I just.
Stavi
It was a surprise. Like, oh, nice. I remember you popping up on the show and be like, nice, regular show. And I was like, whoa, nice. I didn't say.
Reggie Conquest
I didn't say anything on purpose. I was like, you know what? I'm going to just let this.
Stavi
Because that's a huge. That was a huge deal.
Reggie Conquest
That was my first, like, you know.
Stavi
I know to be. For that. To be your first one is awesome.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. So they, they. And I hadn't watched the show that much. It was like one of those shows that blew up on Twitter. So you can kind of go on Twitter at the time when I was on there and kind of know what's going on. But even in audition, I didn't know it was going to be Issa.
Stavi
Totally.
Reggie Conquest
You know what I mean? It was like, it said like, Alicia.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Then you get there and you're like, oh.
Stavi
I'm just not even preparing the biggest audition you'd ever gotten. I remember you it this time you were not doing well. That was huge. And you're like, I'm not gonna watch it.
Reggie Conquest
And I had time to, like. I had time to, like, get in some type of shape and I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing. Like, I had time to like. But I'm like, nah, they want to. I know what this is. They want to. Why would I. Why would I do anything?
Stavi
Totally. I did not put lipstick on the pig. They know what they want.
Reggie Conquest
I. I remember I did try to bang out some push.
Stavi
Sure. Of course.
Reggie Conquest
Like in my robe.
Stavi
I'm like, of course, of course.
Reggie Conquest
But is this one scene of like my shoulders. That was the one thing I was like, yeah, that's pretty good.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, Totally. Looking pretty good.
Reggie Conquest
A shoulder gang. That's.
Stavi
Yeah, that's hilarious. Was it. I mean, filming a complete. Cuz I've also done a fully nude sex scene. It's really.
Reggie Conquest
Sex coordinator is right there.
Stavi
Right there. Cuz you were naked too.
Reggie Conquest
Naked as hell.
Stavi
So did they tape your. Because what they did with me, they taped a little like, piece of paper around my dick and balls. But it was like. And this lady's just getting in there.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Just really.
Reggie Conquest
And they're not even like. They're like, yeah, move.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't care.
Reggie Conquest
It's like, yeah. It's like you go to doctor's office. Like, yeah, totally. They don't care. But yeah, same thing. Tape. And it's like, they got it tone. Like my. My skin tone. And so you look. Butt, ass naked. Totally. And you're like, oh, shit.
Stavi
And I don't know if you felt this way, but I don't think my dick was ever smaller her.
Reggie Conquest
Because you're nervous.
Stavi
You know what I mean? My dick is completely.
Reggie Conquest
Bro. Everybody's like, I know you got hard. No, I did not. My dick went in my body. What are you talking about?
Stavi
And then you're, like, embarrassed. You're like, you don't want to be hard. But you're like, this is pathetic.
Reggie Conquest
It was bad.
Stavi
I gotta get.
Reggie Conquest
What is it?
Stavi
And you can't be seen to, you know, fluff yourself now.
Reggie Conquest
You're a pervert. You're just sitting there. Anytime they said cut hard, I'm like, give me my robe. Wait, so when you were on set, you were just nude the whole time? Or did they give you a robe or.
Stavi
They gave me a robe, but it was like a. It was a closed set. I mean, it was like, for the movie I did. So it was like just me, the director, the coordinator. Same as the same. I mean, I definitely had a robe. I'm sure I wasn't hanging out there with my dad. But it was also funny because we had to figure out how to do it. So I'm just, like, kind of contorting myself. I'm just like, like, really shifting around. Just.
Reggie Conquest
You always been, like, comfortable, like, taking your shirt off.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
You've always been that.
Stavi
If I had a. If I had even just a normal pe. Not a small dick, I'd be naked all. I wouldn't give a.
Reggie Conquest
If I had a big dick, I.
Stavi
Would just been like, yeah, what's up? You know, they would have been. They would have to tell me to pull. Put on the wall, you know, But.
Reggie Conquest
I never like, were you a fat kid that. That wore your shirt in the pool?
Stavi
I had a moment of that.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And there was something that. I don't know what when it was exactly, but I definitely overcame that. Yeah. You.
Reggie Conquest
You came. You overcame it. Because I would see that. I go, man, he's got it. Because I was never. I was I was the. I was. I had always wore a shirt in the pool. It wasn't until I got old, like now as an adult, where I'm like, ah, it. You know what I mean?
Stavi
I think there was a moment where I used to do that, and then I was. I was at, like, Six Flags or whatever one had the wave pool. Do you remember Elvis? I think it was Six Flags.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, yeah. Wave pool.
Stavi
I remember that. Yeah. And it was like either a class trip or like a church group trip. And I saw a fat kid in a white shirt, and I was like, that looks ridiculous. It was a moment of like, that's how I look. You see his tits? It looks like a wet T shirt contest. Yeah, for sure. It's kind of more. For sure. You're kind of more highlighting your fat tits.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, for sure.
Stavi
Than if you were just shirtless.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And I think I saw a kid and how stupid he looked, and I was like, whoa, I can't do that.
Reggie Conquest
And you realize that early. I would. I would get in the pool with my shirt on, and after a while, take it off. I'll keep it near the pool. And I get up.
Commercial Announcer
Yeah.
Stavi
Oh, really?
Reggie Conquest
Like a. Like a nightgown. But, yeah, that's. I was that kid. I was a big kid. So I was. Put that on. But, yeah, I didn't get over that until, like, until the age. Interesting.
Stavi
And then.
Reggie Conquest
And then this cure came. I was like, all right, fuck it. This is.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, that kind of.
Reggie Conquest
That kind of. That kind of helps helped totally now. You know what I mean? So. Yes.
Stavi
Were you single at the time or were you in a relationship? That's a big show that. That must have gotten you some top if you were single.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, it was. It was. It was a time. It came out during the pandemic. Oh. So it was like a time where I was like, locked up, but still was the time.
Stavi
Yeah. The DMS were The dms.
Reggie Conquest
They were.
Stavi
They were.
Reggie Conquest
They were popping. And it was a lot more gay dudes hit me up then I expected. I was like, what? I watched this. I'm like, what part? But there was a part in there I was like, oh, I can see, you know, because I say something about pressing my booty button in the scene that they roll in still. And. Yeah. And I'm like, hey, I'm kind of, you know, I'm gonna see. But I was getting so many gay messages. And then back then, you know, that's your first thing. You don't really know. So I'm just like, block.
Stavi
Block.
Reggie Conquest
But like, what now? I like, I'm like, why was I blocking? All those dudes were fans. Because they were aggressive.
Stavi
Like, sure.
Reggie Conquest
Pics and messages. And I was like, ah, this is, this is up.
Stavi
That's tough, dude. What was the ratio? There was at least a handful of women in there, though.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, it was a lot of women, but it was, it was that. That definitely was.
Stavi
Of course.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. I was like, damn.
Stavi
No, they're never gonna be. Be gay guys on the Internet for horniness.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, no, they're never going to outdo that. But back then I'm like, this is. But now today I'm like, why would I doing that? I could have just not respond.
Stavi
Of course not respond.
Reggie Conquest
Keep the follower. Yeah, keep the follower. They're like, this guy's a. But yeah, it was a. It was a good time. That beautiful, man.
Stavi
I'm. I'm very happy to hear that.
Reggie Conquest
I had a ball.
Commercial Announcer
Were you.
Stavi
So were you back to the pool shirt thing? Were you like, the fact you're in your family too? Like, was it.
Reggie Conquest
Or was it like a. I was. Yeah. I was the cousin. I was the. Yeah, I was a little fat cousin. I had another cousin, but he wasn't as fat as I was. Sure, sure, sure. He's fat as I. He's fatter than me now. Which is cool. Which is cool. Cuz he, he, he was always. Now he's big as shit and I'm smaller.
Stavi
But yeah, you overcame it.
Reggie Conquest
I definitely. And then I got all the, all the. Any black. Like Keenan.
Stavi
Sure.
Reggie Conquest
Said. Believe me.
Stavi
Come on. I had the exact opposite of like, I'm whatever fat white comedian was on at the time. It was like, yeah, when King of Queens. I'm Kevin James.
Reggie Conquest
Jack Black.
Stavi
A huge one.
Reggie Conquest
Jack Black.
Stavi
You know, because I, I, I had before I was like, I had the same haircut but wasn't bald, so I just had Jack Black's hair. And I was like the fat. I also went to Baltimore City Public school, so it was like I was the fat white, funny white guy.
Reggie Conquest
Like I was.
Stavi
That was so I got that too.
Reggie Conquest
I used to get called Doug. I used to call it Get Doug Heffernan.
Stavi
Oh, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Like, you know, but Eminem. My friends called me Dan for a while.
Stavi
Dan.
Reggie Conquest
Dan for a while. All grade I resp. They called me Dan. And then, and then like 10th grade, it stood for Dumbass.
Stavi
Dan.
Reggie Conquest
I swear to God. So Dan is my d. Dan is my character name in the Bradley Cooper movie. That's so, So I, I remember that all hit Me like, damn, bro. They was calling me Dan for a year, and I was like, huh, what's up? And it came out, and I found out 10th grade. Great.
Stavi
Yeah. That's so funny. And Bradley was like, yeah, I know what it stands for. Like, I did it on purpose.
Reggie Conquest
It's so funny, though. I got all the, Like. Oh, they call me Teddy in high school for Teddy. But, like, all the, you know, Keenan. I got all the time.
Stavi
Keenan is. Yeah. That's a tough one, too.
Reggie Conquest
So.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
I'm sure you.
Stavi
You know, I'm sure as a youth without the. Without the. You know.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, definitely was Keenan.
Stavi
Yeah. Yeah, for sure. You had a. You probably had a nice gleam in your eyes. You were probably. I was a positive.
Reggie Conquest
I wanted to be that dude. I wanted to be. Said the entertainer. Of course.
Stavi
Of course. Of course.
Reggie Conquest
For sure. You. Have you ever met Jack Black or any of them dudes?
Stavi
No, Jack. No. No. I don't think. I'm trying to think if I've met any fat heroes. Not Jack Black. I met Action Bronson, but that's kind of a Later in life.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, later. Closer.
Stavi
We're closer.
Reggie Conquest
Fat dude.
Stavi
Yeah, definitely. Cool.
Reggie Conquest
He's a grill master, too.
Stavi
Yeah. Yeah. I did. I did a show we could. It was awesome. I'm trying to get him on this show, but we're trying to get it done.
Reggie Conquest
He wears the cool New Balance ONK shoes, too.
Stavi
That the thing. I am. I think he's the man. And I am jealous of. He's just 10 years, like, five years ahead of everything I want to do. Yeah. Like his show. That's delicious. Part of me's like, I should just do that.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Be like, hell, that's scrumptious.
Reggie Conquest
You know what I mean?
Stavi
Just like some of the fucking knockoff version of his show. And then the new. The fact that he's got a New balance. I mean, I'm literally wearing. He sent me some. Actually. They're fucking awesome. He sent me some issues. But, yeah, he's the man. He's totally doing being a fat guy the right way.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. I don't know if I have any fat guy later in live. I don't. They all. When I was a kid.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all kids, all like, Farley John Candy, you know, Classic.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. You know, Chris Farley was. I. I remember him as a kid and being. Being a huge fan, of course. And yeah, he was. Yeah, he was the white guy fat guy that I was like, oh, Chris Farley.
Stavi
Just like every There was nobody who wasn't a fan of that guy. He was just so. In fact, like, he was just so funny in such a way that everybody gets.
Reggie Conquest
He was great. And then I. I only remember him from, like, the movies. But then later on, once I got here and I learned about snl, I knew he was on there, but I watched his episodes. I'm like, oh, this dude was great.
Stavi
Yeah, there was the. That Sandler Farley run was huge for me.
Reggie Conquest
Fat guy in la.
Eldis
Classic.
Stavi
Yeah, of course.
Reggie Conquest
Classic.
Stavi
Another great bit to do as a fat kid. Put on one of your friends. Little coats.
Reggie Conquest
It still hits fat guy in a little. It still hits today.
Stavi
That's crushing in sixth grade. Yeah. And it'll still hit today if you're desperate. Do the fat guy.
Reggie Conquest
A little coat guy. Little coat. So simple, so quick.
Stavi
Just good. Just good stuff, man. Man, I like that you went con. You picked. You say your parents, you know, you. You could have picked either name. Conquest is the cooler name.
Reggie Conquest
For sure.
Stavi
Such a sick name.
Reggie Conquest
For sure.
Stavi
It feels fake almost.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. I. I didn't realize that until I started comedy. Everybody was like, yo, is that. Sure. I don't realize how cool it was because I was so used to it.
Stavi
Yeah. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And then everybody would ask me, but my. My first name is James.
Stavi
Oh, really?
Reggie Conquest
So my name is James Reginald McBride conquest. So it's like that.
Stavi
But you could have gone. You could be James McBride right now.
Reggie Conquest
I started out.
Stavi
You could be Jimmy McBride.
Reggie Conquest
I started. I started like. That was my first time on stage.
Stavi
That came up as James McBride. That's a completely different guy than Reggie Conquest.
Reggie Conquest
Completely different.
Stavi
That's fucking hilarious.
Reggie Conquest
Completely different government. I came up as James McBride and I kept getting asked, was I related to James McBride, the author. Author.
Stavi
Interesting.
Reggie Conquest
He has. It's called the Color of Water or he wrote a book.
Stavi
James McBride. Who the. I don't know that.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, there we go.
Stavi
Oh, hell yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And what was his book? It's called Water something. Go to book. Oh, yeah. What is it?
Stavi
Oh, the heaven.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, the color.
Commercial Announcer
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
The color of water. Yeah.
Stavi
Okay.
Reggie Conquest
So at the open mic in Philly.
Stavi
Damn. I started reading Heaven and Earth grocery store. And I did not like it. I actually randomly started reading his own.
Reggie Conquest
That's his newest book. Yeah, I brought it on Libby and. Yeah. I never even listened to it. Yeah.
Stavi
Yeah. I did not. I did.
Reggie Conquest
I was like, I do audio, so.
Stavi
Oh, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, you do. You actually.
Stavi
I like to actually read on a. On a Kindle.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, I do. I've been doing audio but yeah, every. Every time I got off, they would ask me, am I related to him? Or. He's like my dad. So, like, I don't want this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's cool. But. And then I was like, my family already calls me Reggie.
Stavi
Interesting. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
So I was like, all right, I'll just go by Reggie. And I never forget, my dad was like, like, why are you. Why are you using your. And I gave you some books. Yeah. I could have been Reggie McBride.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
But I. I told him. I was like, oh, you know. Yeah. I got my name from you. I'm named after you. I was like, I want to partner my mom in my name. I just said some. He was like, all right.
Commercial Announcer
Like.
Reggie Conquest
But. Yeah, I never forget that.
Stavi
That's pretty. Oh. Because I would have assumed you were like that your whole life, but you just chose just. You were like, I don't like being. Being associated with James McBride.
Reggie Conquest
That's really all it was. Anytime somebody. My entire identity changed. I was like, I can't. I don't wanna do this. Anytime I got off and it was like, older black people, they would be like, are you related to them? And I'm like, no.
Stavi
Just getting annoyed at, like, a show seven times.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And you're like, that's it.
Reggie Conquest
I'm bombing.
Stavi
I'm a different guy. I'm a different guy now.
Reggie Conquest
I'm bombing. And then somebody comes up and says that. I'm like, no.
Stavi
I don't.
Reggie Conquest
The.
Commercial Announcer
This guy.
Stavi
I don't know.
Reggie Conquest
Isaac is so mad.
Stavi
How old were you when your parents got divorced?
Reggie Conquest
Divorced?
Stavi
They never.
Reggie Conquest
They never were together since I've been here, so they. They got. They're. They're super cool now, of course, but, yeah, they never were married, so.
Stavi
Did you have. Do you have other siblings from.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, I got five sisters. My. My dad has five girls than me. Me.
Stavi
Oh, wow.
Reggie Conquest
And then my mom has me and my brother.
Stavi
Okay.
Reggie Conquest
So, yeah, me and my brother are 10 years apart.
Stavi
Okay, that's right. You said that, because.
Reggie Conquest
So I grew up. I grew up with my mom, and it was just me. Me and her. And then my brother was outside in the streets or whatever.
Stavi
Yeah. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And I go to. I go to my dad's. And they're both in Philly. Yeah, they're both in Philly.
Stavi
Okay, cool.
Reggie Conquest
But my dad was. I was my dad's only boy, so I had to do everything.
Stavi
That's why you were Junior Grill Master.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, that's why I was a Junior Grill Master. He would let my sister Sisters run around, do whatever they had to do. Some like seasoning. Yeah, my sister, my sister Danielle, she got to do like some seasoning and she got. But I had to carry. I had to, you know, stand there, cook it. Don't let me overcook. Oh, that's your ass. You overcook something, you drop something, that's your ass.
Stavi
Tough.
Reggie Conquest
You're on the setup crew and you're on the takedown crew. So as a, as a, like the times where I'm supposed to be in camp or doing something, he would keep me doing that.
Stavi
So how often he's just having barbecues?
Reggie Conquest
Every weekend in the summertime. Yeah, he ran it up.
Stavi
Wow.
Reggie Conquest
He ran it up in the summertime. The community. But he was the grill master.
Stavi
Damn.
Reggie Conquest
So yeah, I had to do all that.
Stavi
And this is just an unofficial. He's just having a barbecue.
Reggie Conquest
He. I forgot he had like business cards and that he had. So it be like different stuff, like.
Stavi
Unlicensed business that you had to work.
Reggie Conquest
He had, yeah, he had this business card. But he would do like the all champion games and okay, the, the city fair. Like he would do a lot of stuff.
Stavi
Okay.
Reggie Conquest
So I was like, oh, okay. I had to, I had to help him. But now I don't cook at all. I don't do none of that.
Stavi
It's time to get back in the mix.
Reggie Conquest
Maybe.
Stavi
Yeah, maybe, bro.
Reggie Conquest
Maybe.
Stavi
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Stavi
Did you do anything before you were like. When you were doing stand up? What were like your first jobs?
Reggie Conquest
My first jobs, I worked at a furniture store.
Stavi
Hell yeah. Nice.
Reggie Conquest
I worked at these old dudes and they were so like foul. And I just remember. I just remember loving it like cuz I was younger and I was just hearing these old dudes working a warehouse.
Stavi
When you're like 20 is so fun.
Reggie Conquest
So fun.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Those dudes were so cool. You work where?
Stavi
I worked at a machine shop.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Which is another, you know, blue collar thing. I worked at a paint store.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And it was like the paint store was really fun because I had a great. I didn't have like a. I'm trying like it was like an old dude, but it was like a. Like a. A white stud in Baltimore. She was so awesome.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
She had her lined up.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
She was talking about how she was like, you know, she used to be a bouncer at like skate parties or some shit. And she was talking about pretending to be like a straight girl when she was younger to get.
Reggie Conquest
She was just a.
Stavi
Hilarious. She had a wife.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Working with older folks like that. I remember working at a furniture store. They would be back there. So I used to be like a kid and I would just. And they started talking about their wives, their kids.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And my co worker home, like talking about I hate this. We would be taking down furniture and it was great. I worked with a lot of older because my dad would always have me doing something like. Yeah. My first standup gig was at this place in Philly called Champagnes. Okay. And. And it was ladies night.
Stavi
Hell yeah, dude.
Reggie Conquest
But ladies night was mel stripper night. So they made me go up. It's like one of my.
Stavi
Who the fuck is this fat kid?
Reggie Conquest
Yo, bro. It was. And these. And I was younger and these were like older women and they were like get show you that. Like they were very. They were very aggressive. I'll never forget that shit.
Stavi
So you're doing jokes and they're like show Us.
Reggie Conquest
Your penis. Yeah, bro. It was. It was brutal. It was one of my first, like, book shows. And I was all happy. And you see how you, like, you lit up. We like ladies night.
Stavi
Hell yeah.
Reggie Conquest
No, it was. And I almost invited my friends.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
I was like, yo, come. It was. These dudes came in with the. The suitcases and they were. The ladies were going crazy.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
It was like three male strippers. Those ladies, like, champagnes were opening for the strippers. Yeah, that was my first, like.
Stavi
And it was just you?
Reggie Conquest
It was just me. Wow.
Stavi
Dude, who the booked that? That's.
Reggie Conquest
I forgot the dude's name, but we did. It was like a black improv group that they tried to start. Yeah. And he ended up. He was a male stripper at one point.
Stavi
This guy sounds awesome.
Reggie Conquest
And he.
Stavi
He. Stripper improv guy.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, he was a stripper improv dude. He booked me for. And that was my first, like, gig. That's. It was a lady. It was a bar that they turned into a ladies night.
Stavi
Right, right, right. And they're probably older women.
Reggie Conquest
They were older. They were very older and horny. And it was that. It was. I'll never forget that.
Stavi
You're just trying to do. And you're probably young in comedy. You're probably shitty.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, I was bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stavi
You probably would have bombed in good circumstances.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Let alone just horny 65.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And harassing you.
Reggie Conquest
My last. I worked for the school district for a while. My dad got me in that. My dad got me a bunch of jobs.
Stavi
Yeah. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Bunch of. Did you get. Did you get your job's application style or. It was like, hey, this is my.
Stavi
I had the machine shop. It was like a guy we knew because that was a good job.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
That was like a. Too good a job for me at the time. It was like a. You know, I feel like back in.
Reggie Conquest
The day you could get a job, all you had to do was know somebody.
Stavi
Totally. Even the paints. Like, I worked for Sherwin Williams, a big company, but I knew a guy. Guy who was like. Who kind of put in a good word and, you know, whatever. But, yeah, it's. It's much harder now to just kind of, like, figure it out.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, it's like.
Stavi
It's that Sopranos episode where they try and shake down essentially a Starbucks. And the guy's like, look, man, you can take this money. What'll happen is I get fired, and then there'll be a new manager, and they'll just. They'll just keep reporting. There's no way. For you. They'll just keep firing us. They don't give a fuck.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And they were like, wow, there goes the neighborhood. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, you can't. There's no community anymore.
Reggie Conquest
No, not at all.
Stavi
You're unqualified.
Reggie Conquest
Not at all.
Stavi
I worked.
Reggie Conquest
I worked Doors. I worked, like, security at Doors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did all that just from somebody knowing somebody. Totally.
Stavi
Totally.
Reggie Conquest
And the door job was. I was younger, too, and it was like an older spot.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Like, beat it.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Move anyone? No, I never tossed anyone at the. At the. The old. The bar car, but they didn't listen to me.
Stavi
Right, Right.
Reggie Conquest
But I never. But when I got in the school district, I was a school policeman for, like, a year. I was. Those kids.
Stavi
How the. Were you a school policeman? Don't you have to be a policeman?
Reggie Conquest
You. Yo, bro. I don't.
Stavi
They give you a uniform?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, yeah.
Stavi
I had.
Reggie Conquest
I look like a cop, so my dad. My dad was a cop.
Stavi
Okay.
Reggie Conquest
And that's the correlate. Like. And then he stopped. Stopped. Went to the school district. He got me in there with him. I was working for the school district for a year. I was probably, like, 24.
Commercial Announcer
Were you.
Stavi
Was that ever, like a. I'll be a school cop, then I'll be a regular cop. Did you ever think of it as.
Reggie Conquest
Like, I did want to be a cop. You did? I did. I. I did. I took the corrections officer test. I was this close to being corrections officer.
Stavi
Well, the Red Ross career path. Yes.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'll never forget. I was this close to me. I took the test. It was a lot. Lie detector says all this.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And I seen a corrections officer in a gas station, and I was like, hey, you got any advice? And he straight was like, don't do this, man. He straight was like, don't do it, man. He's like, I can tell you. He was so honest with me. And they're calling me about the job, about to offer it to me, and I just did not pick up.
Stavi
Wow.
Reggie Conquest
And my dad was so mad. He was so mad. I did the whole process. And this dude in a gas station.
Stavi
Was, if it's not for this dude, you're a CEO.
Reggie Conquest
I was. I was going to be a CEO. I got fitted in everything. Really? Yes. That's how close I was. That's how close I was being.
Stavi
You went to the Philly pd, Taylor?
Commercial Announcer
Yes.
Reggie Conquest
Yes. I was so close to being a correctional officer.
Stavi
That's because I did I did the.
Reggie Conquest
School policeman stuff, right. And we were at a high school, bad high school. And you're in there fighting every day with those kids.
Stavi
Totally.
Reggie Conquest
And I was like. And then one of the guys I worked with, he was about to do it. So that's where I got the idea from. And I had started comedy at that time, like working at the school during the day and I would go to the comedy club at night. But yeah, the dude in the gas station. I remember it was a life. It was a Hess gas station on shot him Ave Hess gas station. And I asked ourselves seen. He had the black pants on with the yellow stripe.
Stavi
You knew? Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And I was like, that's my guy.
Stavi
And you were, you were like kind of. You were ready for like a positive almost pep talk.
Commercial Announcer
Yeah.
Stavi
Like, yeah, man, it's tough, but stick with it. You. Something like that.
Reggie Conquest
He didn't give me any of that. He said, don't do it. You don't want to do it.
Stavi
And he's right.
Reggie Conquest
He was completely right. He was completely right.
Stavi
It's a horrible decision.
Reggie Conquest
And these people. So these correction officer people, they know my dad. So they're all. It's all city workers. So they're like, yo, why is he not. He did all. My dad was so mad. He kicked me out.
Commercial Announcer
Yeah.
Stavi
Really?
Reggie Conquest
He kicked me out. He was just like, get the out. It was so bad. He pulled so many. He got me in. He did. And he was so mad.
Stavi
He's like, get the out of my house.
Reggie Conquest
Get out, bro. Get the.
Stavi
That's hilarious.
Reggie Conquest
Meanwhile, my sister's a stripper.
Eldis
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
That's awesome.
Stavi
Probably making better money.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. D. Honestly.
Stavi
Yeah. Making better money. Money being a better force in the world than a corrections officer. Oh, a shiver is a much better. A net positive on society.
Reggie Conquest
So much more than I was. So when that Rick Raw came out, like, about him being a C. Oh my God. What's wrong with that? Like he was making money. Yeah.
Stavi
I mean that picture would have been so easy to put your head on his body too. That would have been such an easy Photoshop, bro.
Reggie Conquest
Oh my God. Bro. Bro.
Stavi
That is such a good picture.
Reggie Conquest
I wanted to be a fireman too. Like, I want to do all the city.
Stavi
Interesting. Interesting.
Reggie Conquest
I wanted to in the fireman. I. I knew that test. That's what it was. I. I was preparing for the fireman test.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And I knew that test. Cuz I was like, oh, I can be a fireman at night comic. It's better to.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Be a fireman for sure. I'm still a little bitter about that. Like, I was that. Cuz that was it. That was.
Stavi
Did you fail it or what?
Reggie Conquest
I didn't fail at the city. It was the bush. The. What is it the. The R word? What is it?
Stavi
The recession.
Reggie Conquest
Recession, yeah. Yes. The R word. That hit. And they closed all these fire stations and they put the test on hold for two years. Wow. And I was like, yeah. And that's why I decided to do the corrections officer route. But I'm so glad I talked to that dude.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
But every time I see a fire truck in Philly, I'm like, damn, it could have been me. That's one where I was like, I wanted to do that.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
One of my friends, his name is Evan, he's a fireman and he's. He's great. He's. You know, we both look at each other's lives like, man, that's cool.
Stavi
Of course. Hilarious. Well, you. I can't wait to get the perspective of an almost corrections officer to our fans here.
Reggie Conquest
Let's do it.
Stavi
Let's play some calls. Eldis, what do we got, buddy?
Caller 1
Hey, Stavi. Hey, Eldis. Hey, guess.
Reggie Conquest
Stop playing.
Caller 1
I'm in a little bit of prediction. Hey, Stavi. Hey, eldest. Hey, guess. I'm in a little bit of predicament with my aunt right now.
Stavi
Your aunt?
Caller 1
I am recently single. I'm 20 years old, and at school the other day, my sister gave me a call saying, Asking me if I'm seeing anyone, talking to anyone. I said, no. And then she said, okay, anime. Your aunt's gonna send you some photos of this girl.
Stavi
Girl.
Caller 1
Her hairdresser.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, God.
Caller 1
Who's 19. And Kyle, she's so pretty. And she's actually really funny. I met her today. I think you should get to know her.
Stavi
Whoa.
Caller 1
And I said, okay, this is a little weird. And I thought these were going to be photos of my aunt actively getting her hair cut and then the girls in the background. But no, this.
Stavi
These were like, send you that.
Caller 1
Beyond candid photos of this girl who's doing her job, clearly stressed out. Out. Oh, wow, she's cute. I guess. But anyway, yeah, about a week goes by and my sister's like, oh, did that girl follow you on Instagram? And no, obviously not, because this is weird. I think this is a weird situation. And then my aunt, she doesn't know that my sister told me yet. And she. She's like, oh, Kyle, like, if you need to get a haircut soon, I got you this gift card to my hair salon. Really? Like, I like my barber, my hairdresser a lot. Her name is so and so. And I was like, okay, yeah, sure, maybe when I need a haircut. But like, what do I do? Because like, not even like on like a I can't chew on my barber thing. I don't really care about that too much. Just like, I don't like this girl. She could be nice, but like, this feels weird to me. Me. I don't know. I don't know. My aunt's really old. She's like 65. I think that this feels like some like old timey way of setting up your. Your nephew kind of thing. I don't know, it's a little scary. I need your advice. How do I handle this situation? Bye.
Caller 2
Bye.
Reggie Conquest
Interesting, this guy. Wait, didn't he say she was cute?
Stavi
Yeah, he's 20, she's 19.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, he said she was cute. Cute. I mean, it is a little weird, your aunt setting you up.
Stavi
Well, the thing is, I'm not clear that this girl knows about this, right? Isn't that something?
Reggie Conquest
Like, well, she got, she got. Didn't the aunt get the Instagram?
Stavi
No. So he thought they were gonna send pictures where she's like posing or something and they're clearly like he says, sounds.
Eldis
Like his aunt is just running her phone at her while she's like working and cutting her.
Reggie Conquest
So the girl doesn't even know.
Stavi
Not the kind of thing where her. I was like, you're so great. You should meet my nephew. It's that like his aunt's like sneak taking pictures and then, and then being like, you should try and fuck this. And not even her because his clear, she takes the pictures, texts his sister, you think your brother would like to fuck this girl or whatever, you know what I mean? And then she tells it. It's just such a so complicated for no reason. It is very funny that the aunt hasn't explicitly said. Or maybe she did because she sent the pictures. Right? Or did the sister send the pictures?
Eldis
The sister sent them.
Stavi
So this is bizarre. Yeah, because clearly aunt was like, this girl's cute. We should set up, you know, Frank with her or whatever. And then the aunt never told him and is like, you should get your haircut here. And she's just kind of hoping it's gonna be like, you know, put the elements in play and let magic take over.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, like he's supposed to go there, no cut. And was like, hey, what's up? You know, you know, Teresa, how do you even start that conversation?
Stavi
Yeah, and I think What? The only thing here's what you could do if you wanted to, right? You know, maybe go get. You got a free haircut. Right. Just literally see if there's any chemistry here. I mean, look, what do you have to lose by getting a free haircut? Oh, chatting with her the way you would any kind of, kind of hairdresser.
Reggie Conquest
Or you could just come out and say, hey, you know my aunt, did you see her taking pictures of you? Yeah.
Stavi
Hey, I'm sorry, mine's weird.
Reggie Conquest
That's my auntie. Yeah, that's, that's sweet. I would, I would if my cuz this, this has happened and you just kind of, you just kind of ignore auntie.
Stavi
Yeah, of course.
Reggie Conquest
You're like, oh, that's sweet.
Stavi
But what if you wanted to the girl for real, would you ignore her?
Reggie Conquest
I'm going to get a cut.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Like I'm going to go get a cut. I mean like.
Eldis
All right, that's the thing. It is so weird. But if you're 20 and you're.
Reggie Conquest
Maybe you're not.
Stavi
Yeah. You're not a 30 year old man going and being like, so do you, do you like burritos? You know, just like nervous and blowing it weird at a hair. You're at a woman's hair salon.
Reggie Conquest
Or I would get, I would, I got sisters. So I would get my sisters to like go scope it out. Like hey, you check her out and bust it up with her and Right. Maybe I'll come pick you up or something. Right. We used to do stuff like that.
Stavi
Like that's nice.
Reggie Conquest
I'll pick you up and then you.
Stavi
Know, that's got to be, that's the advantage of having sisters.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. If your sister's cool, they should, they should be able to do it. His sister sounds cool cuz she's sending that, she's giving him the, she's kind.
Stavi
Of the go between. Between the aunt.
Eldis
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
I think you got to get your sister involved somehow if you're interested in talking to her.
Stavi
Yeah, that's not a bad idea. That's. But yeah, I think like, but you.
Reggie Conquest
You can't bring up, you can't bring up that your aunt sent you pictures of her.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Probably got to keep that low. Don't even, don't even look at. If you said she's cute, fine, but don't bring up the picture thing. Bring it up.
Stavi
It's really funny because what if this becomes the love of your life?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And then you're like, hey, just so.
Reggie Conquest
You know, then you got to give Your aunt credit.
Stavi
And then you got to be like, hey, my aunt took weird pictures.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, that's something you say later if it works out.
Stavi
He's kind of like the weird beginning that's hanging over your head. Like, what if she just realized my whole family's creeps?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Something you got to release later. Like, you know, my aunt took pictures.
Stavi
Of you the first after. You have a real, real bond. You have to let this go. But, yeah, I mean, look, I like the sister idea. That's interesting.
Reggie Conquest
Get the sister involved.
Stavi
But worst case, like, honestly, your aunt wants to pay for a haircut for you to chat with a kind of.
Reggie Conquest
Nice girl he's not going to chat with either. He's just gonna go in there and get a cut. I don't think this guy. I don't. I don't know. I don't.
Stavi
I'm just saying I would pro. This is how I would.
Reggie Conquest
You go in there, you get in a cut. What's your first thing you're saying?
Stavi
But they just make. They're good at making convers. Like, hairdressers and strippers are the best conversationalists I've ever met because they have to do their filling time. You know, the general bullshit conversation of, like, so, you know, I'm so used.
Reggie Conquest
To going to barbers. We don't talk. We don't say anything. We're just like, what do you want?
Stavi
Yeah, the bar. The barber's a different experience than, like, the woman who cuts your hair.
Reggie Conquest
Yes.
Stavi
Because they'll just be. You know, you'll just make small talk. I mean, I. I've had. I've had, like, you know, hair. You know, women who cut my hair just talk about literally everything. Women who try and, like, you know, Like, I've had women try and, like, get me into Christianity. Like, I've had women just, like, talk about the Ravens when I'm in Baltimore. Like, it runs the gamut of small talk.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. I never. I never went to a lady barber, so I wouldn't know that. That's interesting.
Stavi
No, no, this is.
Reggie Conquest
I. Dudes cutting his head.
Stavi
Of course.
Reggie Conquest
Silence. Only dudes can touch my head.
Stavi
No eye contact.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Yeah, So I don't know. That's. That. I would say, if you feel the need for a buffer, get your sister in the mix to run interference, because she's kind of already playing that part.
Reggie Conquest
By texting you in the middle.
Stavi
Yeah. And if not, just go get.
Reggie Conquest
And do you, like. Do you like your aunt? Like, do you. You know, is this an aunt? You Just, she's forcing her family on you or.
Stavi
Yeah, is your aunt cool? I know a setup is a very old fashioned, very old, very old fashioned way, but I, I don't mind it, to be honest with you. I wouldn't mind getting set up if somebody was like, hey, you should meet my. Somebody who knows you. Like, you should meet my friend. I mean, this is a little different because this is like his aunt met just a nice girl.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
I was like, you should. My nephew. I'm. I'm worried he's gay. Let's find out. She's like, here, I'll pay you $500. She might be off after. You know what? She might. Chili's.
Reggie Conquest
She might be the cool aunt. Yeah, she could be a cool aunt, now that I think about it.
Stavi
Could be a cool aunt. So, yeah, just at the very least, go get the cut and see if there's even an iota of chemistry.
Reggie Conquest
And make sure you woofing, though. Like, make sure you need a cut. Like, go in there bad. So it'll get the conversation going. Like, you sit there and she's like, whoa, what?
Stavi
And that way she feels like she really did a great job on YouTube. That's a good point. All right, well, good luck, buddy. What else we got? Elders.
Caller 2
Hey, stuff. 36 year old dude around your same age, went to school to have a good job. Everything's cool, right? But I'm in a situation right now in a new job where I have someone that is technically on my payroll that kind of works for me, but only like one day a month. But in our interactions, everything is super cool.
Stavi
Oh, I wonder.
Caller 2
And she has definitely thrown signals my way. I haven't done any signals back because technically I'm her boss. I know it's not super cool, but her job is very temporary and she's in school about to be out of her job. I was just curious, man. Like, in your opinion, what's my move? Like, what do I do? Because there's definitely chemistry. I don't want to say that the fact that I technically am her department manager would soil us being able to pursue the chemistry between us.
Stavi
There's definitely.
Caller 2
Anyway, huh? Big, big listener of the show, big fan, and would love to hear what.
Caller 1
You have to say.
Caller 2
Thanks a lot, man. Appreciate you.
Stavi
Okay.
Reggie Conquest
He's 36. Did he say how old she was?
Stavi
Yeah. She's also 19. He's the hairdresser on her day off.
Eldis
He didn't. He did say she's in school, about to be out of the job, though. And this sounds like a temporary thing.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
We're talking grad school or fudgeing college, bro. Because if there's a 22 year old, that's all. Then we've added another layer of this being weird.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, yeah.
Stavi
Because. Okay, the number one thing to always be honest with yourself about is when you say there is definitely chemistry. Is that true? Look deep in your soul, man. Stop.
Reggie Conquest
Definitely.
Stavi
Here's what I want you to do. Jack off. And in the seven minutes that you have clarity.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Ask yourself, do you actually have chemistry with this woman? Because. And this, this happens all the time. What. Whether it's customer service, whether it's like, I mean, you know, the biggest one obviously is sex workers, strippers, whatever. You're like, oh, I think she actually likes me. You know what I mean?
Reggie Conquest
She's probably just really nice.
Stavi
Also, co workers is a big one. How polite is this? Per. And also if she's a younger person who's at her, I guess sounds like an internship. I don't know, maybe. I hope it's not. I hope it is like grad school or something, some shit. And if that's the case, there's more leeway here. But it's like, be honest with yourself. Is this just someone who's very nice to her co workers at your job? And if that is not the. If you really think that you have some chemistry and this is a temporary job and you really don't have any, does she need a letter of recommendation from you? Is that why she's being nice? Is there some other fear factor? If you really don't have any, if there's no other factor that's making her be nice, that you guys are just loose co workers in a temporary job, then there's nothing wrong with. At the end of this.
Reggie Conquest
If everything checks out, she's of age and she's.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
She's. She's the right age. And. And you've in. There really is chemistry.
Stavi
Right, right. And let's stress that part.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Trust it. And I'd say go now. Now she's temporary. So. So if you go that route, does he have to give her another job? Give her another stay?
Stavi
No, definitely not. In fact, I would say the way you do this is when this is coming to an end, so that it has nothing to do with the job. You're not even coworkers anymore. You say, hey, it was great working with you. I really like spending time with you. You want to go out for a drink sometime or something like that. At the end when there's no. When there's nothing about. Especially he's saying it's about to come to an end anyway. Anyway, when she's wrapping up, that's. I think the safest bet is, like, ask somebody out. When she's out. On the way out the door, man, what if she.
Reggie Conquest
What if she brings up. What if she goes, hey, you want to go out sometimes? She goes, I don't know, I need a job or something? Like, what if. What if she. What if she's been playing pro quo? Yeah, like, what if.
Stavi
I mean, then you have another set of decisions to make.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, like, I don't know. You tell me. I mean, I don't work anywhere anymore, so, like, what if that goes.
Stavi
I don't really have the money to fucking go get a drink.
Reggie Conquest
I mean, I am interested, but I don't work here anymore. What are you gonna do about that? You gotta think about that.
Stavi
It's like, I don't think he has the authority to just be. To be trading pussy for jobs. It's my read on the situation. And if some. If a woman has been that explicitly, like, get me a job and I'll go to Chili's with you, I would not trust that. I would. I would say, oh, she's not trying to. She's trying to. The second the ink is dry on this. On this offer sheet, she's losing my number. But yeah, I don't know.
Reggie Conquest
I want to know if it's definitely chemistry.
Stavi
I know I would love. It would be awesome.
Reggie Conquest
You sound old as. When he says soil.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Would you soil us?
Stavi
Yeah, dude, I don't know. I think that's kind of how I would handle it. I mean, if. As long as she's not dependent on you for anything. Anything. And it really is just sort of like you're technically her supervisor, but who really gives a. At the end of it, I say, you can ask her out. It's not the craziest thing in the world.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
But I would love to have some close, temporary television footage of. Of their interactions. I would love to a lot. Because we get a lot of our co. You know, co worker calls. A lot of this. I would just love to just. I would just like a close up of a woman's face when she's interacting with the guy. I don't even need to see him. I need to see her act. Her eyes. I don't even need to see your whole face. I just want to see, like, what her eyes do when he turns his back, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Do we get a role?
Stavi
Does the smile drop immediately? We'll see. I don't mean to be a hater. I'm just, you know, I know this can go. Good luck. Absolutely. What else we got, elders?
Caller 2
Hey, what up, elders? Hello, esteemed guests. I'm calling today a first time caller, long time listener. Thank you, but. So I got this conundrum. I guess so. My girlfriend and I are pretty savvy travelers. We find a lot of good deals usually end up going to some pretty amazing places on the cheap.
Stavi
Nice.
Caller 2
And I recently found myself in a situation where I am fun employed for the time being.
Caller 1
Right now.
Caller 2
It's a pretty short term thing. I'm not really sure where life is.
Caller 1
Going to lead me.
Caller 2
But my girlfriend is still in a pretty decent financial spot and that travel bug is still very active in her and she keeps showing me these deals where we could hypothetically afford something. With my situation, I have, I have a little bit of money saved up. But it's becoming a thing where I. I'm scared of like how would my family look at me?
Stavi
Your family? Who gives a. Taking these. Your family.
Caller 2
Extremely lavish trips. Not a lot, not big expense wise. But to somebody who isn't that familiar with traveling or see pictures of me and my girlfriend or on some beautiful beach or something, you know, it's just I worry if. What would that look like?
Stavi
What do you have a family of haters? Well, don't do that. You take care of something during the week. Wait, what? You ask your family for gas money and you're thinking about going to Tulum? Are you out of your mind?
Reggie Conquest
I didn't know it was that. He said family. I'm like you. Same thing. Now you like gas money though. They're going to be pissed.
Commercial Announcer
You can't.
Stavi
You can't fill up your tank to go to Marshalls, but you're going to fucking get on a Delta flight.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Nah, you can't. You can't ask your parents for gas money.
Stavi
Let's. Let's finish the call. But I. This is. That's fucking funny as shit.
Caller 2
So I just love your guys thoughts on this. Do I go with my girlfriend? Financially, the situation wouldn't be that big.
Caller 1
Of a hit for us.
Caller 2
But I just worry about the optics of it. I'd love to know your thoughts on this eldest. Don't let this guy give you a hard time.
Caller 1
You're fucking awesome.
Stavi
All right. Love you guys.
Caller 1
Peace out.
Stavi
I'll get you through the screaming process. He really does have bad judgment. Okay. I Think the answer is twofold, right? Number one, if you have money saving up, you're. You and your girl know how to do trips. You know how to travel cheap. You're not.
Reggie Conquest
She's controlling it. She's, you know, she picks out the cheap spots.
Stavi
Like if. And you're both okay with. It's not the kind of thing where you have some like, dumb bitch partner who's like, yeah, take me somewhere expensive.
Reggie Conquest
She's working it out and she's like, let's find in something that fits both your lifestyles.
Stavi
And you both, you seem to be in, like, it seems to be a really serious relationship. It's like you feel comfortable taking a bit of a financial risk because you know you're going to be with this person long term. And you're, you're saying it's not a big financial hit to take this trip. Okay, that's great. Take the trip. The second part is grow up and stop asking your fucking parents for gas money, you fucking. Yeah, loser. Yeah, it's one thing if you need it, but you don't. If you're going on. If you're even considering going on vacation and you ask your father for $40. Yeah, I mean, this makes. You honestly are making me sick right now. It's so pathetic.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. No, and you don't have to post or tell your family, like, you know, they don't have to know, but it is up if they don't know. And you're asking for, for money.
Stavi
Yes. I think what this is. I think what you have realized is that you are a coddled boy. Boy who still depends on his family. And look, maybe this is definitely a. This, this ignites something in me as someone who like, never. My parents never could do any. You know what I mean? Like, I couldn't even imagine asking my family for rent, let alone gas money or what. You know what I mean? Like, from a young age, I just knew my parents could never. So whenever I see someone who's like, still in, like, you know, whatever, you're in college, you're still figuring it out, you need a little help. That's one thing.
Reggie Conquest
But that's one thing.
Stavi
Yeah, you're set up to the point where you're a fucking jet, you got a travel blog with your girlfriend and you still ask for fucking gas money. It just, it just grow up. You, you, you're a little spoiled. Just be a man and just. Yeah, take the trip and stop asking your parents for money. You're. You're an adult with a job even.
Reggie Conquest
Though you got five if you have to ask them. I mean, Ash, ask your homies. Ask, you know, ask your homies.
Stavi
But he. I don't. Here's my read. He doesn't have to because he has enough money to think about going on vacation. He does it.
Reggie Conquest
He doesn't have.
Stavi
Daddy, can I have $40? Like, he does it like a. Like a hot girl asking for a purse. You know what I mean?
Reggie Conquest
Like, take the trip. Stop asking.
Stavi
Yeah, I think that's. I think that's the answer. Like, you have to decide who you are right now. Are you your own man who unders. Who's in a good relationship where you both like traveling and, you know, you can take a bit of a financial risk. Risk because you have the money saved up and this is part of your lifestyle. And by the way, you're young, you're unemployed. Now kind of is the time to travel for sure.
Reggie Conquest
If you absolutely take the trip.
Stavi
If you lock into a job that's a serious job, you might not get done. You know, this America sucks.
Reggie Conquest
Your girl's gonna be going on trips by herself. Go on all the trips. But.
Stavi
Yeah, and stop asking for money, you people. Next question, Eldis. And by the way, if you're somebody who need, you know, needs a little help every now and again, that's different. But we're talking to this guy who, you know. You know what I'm saying?
Caller 2
Eldis. What's up, everybody? So I got. I got a unique one. I got a friend who. Who, you know, hasn't, God bless him, hasn't gotten a lot of play throughout the years I've known this man, you know, going on talking 15 years on.
Caller 1
This dude since high school.
Caller 2
So just hasn't gotten a lot of play. No hate on him. It is what it is. But, like, his newest thing on, like, attempting to get chicks is, like drawing them. Them and posting them to his Instagram. And, like, I mean, legit taking a photo from their page and drawing it and posting it. Being like, got inspired by. At so and so to draw this beautiful picture. Yeah. And all this stuff. It's one thing already weird enough that he's doing that, but just to be honest, the dude sucks at art.
Stavi
Like, he sucks.
Caller 2
Like, it looks like, you know, fifth grade doodle.
Stavi
I don't know.
Caller 2
It's like, so bad. And so, you know, I'm just kind of, for the past couple of months, been seeing him do this and completely wrecking his, like, online aura. And the other night he posted one, and I was just like, Jesus Christ, dude. Like, like what the fuck are you talking about? So I went and I looked on his follows and the followers and the chick that he drew doesn't follow him back. He doesn't follow her. So it's made me come to this weird ass conclusion that my friend is like cyber stalking chicks and like drawing them. And it's just really weird because. Because as demented as this is, I don't think he's gotten any play from it.
Stavi
Yeah, no. So, yeah, like shitty pictures of strangers.
Caller 2
I know I gotta talk. Or maybe I don't like that's why I'm calling you. Let me know, cuz. Yeah, this is pretty insane.
Stavi
This is. This is nuts.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, he. Yeah, that. That's so creepy. And the fact that he can't even draw is.
Stavi
That's. That is the cherry on top, yo.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Damn dog. You gotta what to tell him. Tell him.
Stavi
Yeah, I mean imagine this is one of your friends. What if your friends is doing this?
Reggie Conquest
I would straight tell him. Like, no, that shit is creepy. You can't even draw. Like, you have to seriously tell him. Like, no kidding, this is bad. You should stop.
Stavi
You have to tell him. Not only do you need to stop, you need to pretend you had to go to rehab or something. You had to say, you have to get on insta. You have to delete all, all these. Do a post about going to like a psych a psychiatric hospital for three days and now you're on meds and you feel like yourself again. Yeah, you need to pretend this was psychotic break.
Reggie Conquest
This would only work if you can draw or you're super attractive.
Stavi
Yeah, I mean if you could draw. Yeah. If you're really, really talented and you make a really good portrait, I could see this maybe working.
Reggie Conquest
But he doesn't even know the girls he's drawing.
Stavi
Know them at all.
Reggie Conquest
And that's, that's, that's the crazy part.
Eldis
I'm going to play devil's advocate for the loser friend because like this is, you know, if it's people that it would. This would be weird if it was like people he knew in his daily life. He's just like tagging some regular. But if he's like, you know, tagging streamers and stuff, you know, people make fan art like that and they do.
Stavi
People think he's tagging streamers. He's probably tagging like a girl with like, you know, 8,000 followers who's hot as or something. That's my guess.
Eldis
But still, that is, that's like a very low level form of what I'm talking about. But it's still like, you know, didn't they say he.
Reggie Conquest
He sees them like out. Did they say that?
Eldis
I think so. It wasn't, it wasn't clear that this is like anyone from his like daily personal life. And that alone is like, you know, he's just like clout chasing through his drawing. Like.
Stavi
But he's making drawing.
Eldis
I know, but is this the only.
Reggie Conquest
Thing that brings them joy? I mean, is this like something that makes them happy?
Stavi
So you eldest, you're advocating for simping reply guying on steroids and listen, there's guys who have reply guide their way into. That happens a lot.
Reggie Conquest
Yes.
Stavi
There's an initial wave of women pretending they hate all their reply guys.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And I've been seeing a lot of recent like, like give your reply guy a chance. It's just some guy with a hot girl. And yes. Is there a way to. If he was good at drawing, is it still pathetic? And I can't co sign this behavior. If one of my friends was doing this, would I say that's awesome or would I relentlessly mock him for this? I would, I would relentlessly mock him for sure. But if he could draw and, and especially if you caught some. Someone who thinks. Who wishes she was famous but isn't, she makes her feel like, oh, I got fan art. Even though he's just, you know, whatever. She's just a twitch streamer that gets like four viewers per stream or whatever the fuck. Could it work? Maybe. But the fact that this is someone who does not to begin with. Yeah, right.
Reggie Conquest
He's not good. Yeah.
Stavi
And he's bad at drawing and he has ostensibly no relationship to these people at all.
Reggie Conquest
And bro, that's gonna fall back on you. Like that's your boy. Yeah, that's the other thing that's gonna.
Stavi
I don't want it back. Associated with it.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, that's gon. Associated with you.
Stavi
I don't want to.
Reggie Conquest
Gotta get him to stop if it's not working because it's gonna fall back on you.
Stavi
The fact that it sucks. Does that, does that change your opinion at all?
Eldis
Yes. It's not good. My.
Stavi
My only.
Reggie Conquest
My only sucks.
Eldis
My only point is I don't read this as pure simpery. I read it as.
Reggie Conquest
It.
Eldis
It is, it is a little. But I read it as like the fallacy of like, you know, just like, you know, hustle grind culture. Like just put your out there and like try to like you think this.
Stavi
Guy is trying to be a artist yeah, this ain't.
Reggie Conquest
He's trying to. These women.
Stavi
What are you talking about?
Reggie Conquest
I get that grind, hustle, grind culture, put it out there. And some of that needs to stop too, of course. But yeah, he's just trying to like.
Stavi
Is he drawing a picture of any man, even one guy?
Reggie Conquest
Fair?
Stavi
I don't know.
Eldis
I just.
Stavi
I just think this is the equivalent of being. Of buying a fucking camera and DMing hot women. Would you like to do a photo shoot? Yeah, this is like, this is that behavior, except it's like drawing them and hoping, you know, Whatever.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, yeah, I've seen that on the train where a guy or a girl or somebody is drawing something from a person across from them. But it's. It's good, but they do it quickly.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And then they show the person. Or maybe I've seen that on Instagram. I just said. I said that. Yeah, I just put Instagram. Something I've seen on Instagram. There's something I've seen. I've seen that on Instagram.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
I don't even know if it was real, but I didn't see that in real life at all.
Stavi
I've seen that as well. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
But, yeah, no, he's just trying to. So, yeah, you gotta just, you gotta tell him or get the. Away from him.
Stavi
And, And I think if he was good, this would be a potential. The same way everyone does everything to get at the end of the day.
Reggie Conquest
Yes, yes.
Stavi
Stand up. Any artist, if he's good at drawing. I do think this could be a way of him to at least get some attention. Maybe. But being bad at it. And also it's like, let's, let's, let's treat the problem at the root cause. Why are you not getting pussy?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. You wasn't getting pussy before this. What makes you think you better get pussy doing this?
Stavi
Right? And maybe, maybe if you, if you're, if you're committed to this, if you love drawing for real, let's take some classes before we start doing this.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And maybe let's work on ourselves a little bit. The classic incel advice we give everybody, Everyone this could, you know, we tell people, pick up a hobby and get better at it. Maybe drawing is his thing. Maybe get better at drawing. Go to the gym, buy better clothes.
Reggie Conquest
I don't know if you can you get better at drawing. I feel like you can or you can't.
Stavi
You can. It's just very hard.
Reggie Conquest
Okay, how about adult. Adult coloring? Adult coloring, yeah. Your boy should do that. Do some color.
Stavi
Don't draw if your boy.
Reggie Conquest
If your boys. If you're saying it sucks, you got to get them to stop. Maybe suggest something. Something else.
Stavi
Yeah. I mean, and this isn't a hater. This is his friend. You know what I mean?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
This is his friend who's being honest here.
Reggie Conquest
So.
Stavi
I don't know, Eldis. I don't. I. I do.
Eldis
I think either way, I'm not condoning it. I just don't. You know, I'm like, this could be a pathetic attempt to try to like.
Stavi
Right. Grow his following by, like, doing things.
Eldis
Right. Right.
Reggie Conquest
You guys gotta get. You gotta. You gotta get drunk or have a guy's night and just punch. Pull it out just to laugh at him with the bros. Maybe shame it out of them. Yeah. Just get. Go out one night because it's this. This letter, is this text or whatever is hilarious. This voicemail is hilarious. Get lit, get drunk and get them around a bunch of guys.
Stavi
I guess you guys are really backfiring, though. I have certain friends that would definitely work on. I have certain friends that I think this would cause them to dig their heels in deeper and maybe not even speak to me for like three months.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, that. That has happened happen too. But they always come back, you know, like, my friends haven't talked to me for a year and then we come back and we're good.
Stavi
You're right. You need to be. Either way, you need to be on record as against this.
Reggie Conquest
Yes.
Stavi
Next question.
Reggie Conquest
Eldis sucks is so funny.
Stavi
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Caller 1
Stop. What's up, dude? Long time. First time here. Got a little bit of a situation with the old ex girlfriend classic. So me and this girl dating for three years, broke up with one another. Kind of a mutual thing moving in different directions. But right before we broke up, she's a hockey player in college. We break up the weekend before she goes to a hockey tournament. Doesn't tell me who it's with. I assume it's with like a women's team. Come to find out when we're actually breaking up. It was with a men's team. And the guy, the captain of this team is a firefighter. It's like a police firefighter tournament that they're playing hockey. And the captain of this team is a guy who she used to be involved with. They were seeing each other before we started dating.
Stavi
Who cares?
Caller 1
And so she didn't know I put this together. I said, oh, you know, like, I recognize that name of that dude that you're playing hockey with. Like, what's the deal there? Like, I don't think that's super cool to be spending a weekend with him while, like, technically we're still dating, like, before things have cleanly ended. And so she got super defensive. Is like, there's nothing going on between us, like, blah, blah, blah. I haven't thought about him since before we started dating xyz. I'm like, okay, well, obviously none of that's true. And then as we break up a couple months later, we're still kind of connected on social media and stuff, but she just starts like dropping little hints that they're definitely seeing each other. Not like a hard launch, but like a soft launch. And so we end up talking. I moved cities a couple months ago, we end up talking. And before I leave, she was like, well, like, if you were to start dating somebody, I would hope that you would let me know before you like, hard launch them or like anything. Like, these kids are not thinking about being romantic. And like, I would really Hope that in the future, if you ever move back to my area, it would, like, work out for between us.
Stavi
That's.
Caller 1
So that's been the vibe of, like, we both realize we still have feelings for each other but are moving in different directions. And then this firefighter.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Caller 1
Gets on my Instagram and I. I pull up the gram. I posted an Instagram reel. Give me a follow if you want at. But I post an Instagram reel on. On Instagram.com and this likes my Instagram reel, but then blocks my account. So I obviously have a screenshot of the notification, but I'm just wondering, like, what do you think I'd do with that? This is good information to have. Do I play the cards close? Do I hold on to that information for a while? Or do I just send it to her and be like, what's the deal with your boy? Or like, ex girlfriend? Anything there. But, you know, let me know. Put this on a free episode. If you do put it on a free episode, I will subscribe to your Patreon.
Caller 2
And then.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, my God.
Stavi
Yeah.
Caller 1
Then we're in business from there, so. Looking forward to working with you.
Stavi
Listen, look, you're a child.
Reggie Conquest
This is where this comes out. Yeah.
Stavi
This is like, we just heard one of the most. And I went to school, and I was Spider man, but then somebody told me that he was Dr. Octopus. But I said, no, you can't beat me. I'm Spider Man. The good guy always wins.
Reggie Conquest
It started good, and then it just got super childish towards.
Stavi
But the thing is, I. It's tough because I know. I remember these feelings.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
But this is like, the way I remember what it's like to be worried about. About, like, fitting in in middle school.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
It's like, dude, this is your ex. She's this guy. She him while you were dating. She feels bad about it. She's a mess. You both have bad emotional boundaries. Over. It's over. Don't. What do you mean? Hold on to this information.
Reggie Conquest
Didn't he move? He said he moved, right?
Stavi
What the are you gonna do? Oh, the guy. She's followed you on Instagram. Who cares? Yeah, it's weird. It's weird behavior on all your parts, right?
Reggie Conquest
Don't screenshot it. Don't send it to her.
Commercial Announcer
Yeah.
Stavi
What does that get you? What does that get you? Be honest. Like, in what world do you think this is the big card that you throw down? You're like, aha, I knew it. Or whatever.
Reggie Conquest
The. He might be a messy. He's a. He is He's a messy.
Stavi
His feelings are hurt, Right?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And look, I get that. And you're. You want. What you want is some revenge on clearly being soft cucked and being lied to. Here's the. Here's the truth. Here's a. Here's a. Here is a universal truth. You have to learn right now. There is no satisfaction in life. Nothing good ever happens. It's all random. It's all pain. Your life will be more and more of these moments. Right? The quicker you get over this, the easier it will be going forward. This is over. Put this girl out of your head. I'm not saying you might not her. At some point it might line up.
Reggie Conquest
If you want to be. Continue to be messy and all that. All that. And you really like. I don't know, it might be kind of fun to go back and her. If you visit your old town.
Eldis
Sure.
Reggie Conquest
If you. If she wants to cheat with you and you want to be messy, go for it.
Stavi
But the thing is, he's too emo. He's too wrapped up in this.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, you got to. You got to get some. Get some.
Stavi
You need some distance, bro. You need to completely forget about this.
Reggie Conquest
Get out of the hockey girls, go to a soccer girl.
Stavi
Yeah, for sure. I like the athlete move. But also, you have to know that, like, even her saying this to you is like an immature thing of like.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, she's messy too.
Stavi
She's messy. She doesn't know what her real feelings are. She probably feels guilty. She does like you, you know, but she was getting some firehouse dick. She's sliding down the pole and jumping on his. She's probably doing some of that. Like, she probably feels bad. And I've. I also remember being like 22 and doing these like, half measures where you're like, you know, we broke up, but you'll always be special to me. You know, like that where you're like, one day, if it ever works out, you know, you're lying to yourself. You know what I mean? And the. The quicker you move on, the better off you'll be. And here's the other thing. I'm not even saying it's impossible that you might link up again. But the way that happens is if you totally are over her and you guys reconnect as more mature people. Right? Even you saying all this bullshit about the real and the like.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, yeah, the liking of the real, like, Instagram is so fickle now. You don't. You're real. Y' all don't have to follow each other. It Just comes up.
Stavi
Well, the guy followed him. The guy's clearly.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, he did follow.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, you can move him, though.
Stavi
Well, he blocked the guy. Followed him like the reel and then blocked him, which is. There's just a lot of weird childishness going on here.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, you need to block that. Dude. Don't even pay attention to. To the. Like I would say, but I can see how that affects a 20 year old. I don't know how. Yeah, that.
Commercial Announcer
That.
Reggie Conquest
We didn't. We didn't have to deal with that.
Stavi
Listen, I fully understand where he's coming from, but I. Our job as un.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
Is to tell him.
Reggie Conquest
As an un. I go through the same shit about that.
Stavi
Yeah, this is. Yeah, exactly. It's like we were there, brother, and we're telling you it's a waste of time.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, it is a waste.
Stavi
This is all over you. Let go of this. This woman. Like, clearly, you know, you're relatively young. You're talking about college, you know, whatever. At least I hope so. This could be.
Reggie Conquest
They're.
Stavi
They're in their 40s and these are like intermur. These are like, you know, semi pro shitty college beer league hockey teams or whatever. That would be pathetic. I hope you're young, otherwise this is one of the saddest calls we've ever gotten. But like, let it go, brother. It's all good. There's no. You have no. This is not a card to play.
Reggie Conquest
Let her go meet somebody in New City. Meet some other girls.
Stavi
Forget about this girl completely. Get her out of your head.
Reggie Conquest
Don't check her Instagram. I know you're checking her Instagram too.
Stavi
Not check her Instagram. You got to move on, bro. No contact. Move forward. You broke up amicably, right? You're holding on to this weird, like, maybe one day. The more you're doing that. How long ago is this? Did you say it was like three years ago?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, they dated for three years, I think.
Stavi
Oh, they dated for three years. And is that college?
Reggie Conquest
I see.
Stavi
For three years. Broke up, Move on, brother. This is a tough. This is probably his first very serious relationship. So it's gonna hurt a lot.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Yeah.
Stavi
And you will be in pain and you will think about her, but the less you check up on her, the better you'll be. Go other girls. That's the sure way out.
Reggie Conquest
Absolutely.
Stavi
You have a fun one for us to go out on here. Eldis.
Eldis
Yeah.
Caller 2
What'S up, Stavi?
Caller 1
Love the show.
Caller 2
First time caller. So I'm a urologist. I look at around 5,000 penises every year. Just wanted to get your opinion on. There is a procedure called a hem plant that a lot of guys are saying is unethical. Essentially, it's like the silicone sheath you put under the skin gives you, like, three to four centimeters of girth, and then it pushes the penis out so flaccid. You look as long as you can possibly get. You don't really get much more length when you're. When you're completely erect, but it makes you look super hung when you're flat.
Stavi
Super hung.
Caller 2
The downside is that you have a 1 to 2% chance of getting infected. And in that case, case it, like, destroys your penis completely. So there's a couple guys doing that in Austin, New York, and it makes them a ton of money. I'm on the fence. I don't know. Would you do it? Should I do the procedure? And, you know, thanks. Like, your show, it gives me something to listen to in between prostate exams.
Caller 1
All right.
Reggie Conquest
That just made me feel like. You see how you. You watch, like, a movie and somebody gets a nutshot? That's what it makes me feel like.
Stavi
I'm like, 2% chance you have no cops. Yeah, I'm not doing any. I'm not doing any surgery where there's a 2% chance my dick is gone. Is eaten by bacteria, dude.
Reggie Conquest
And it. It said it gives you more length when you're soft. Like, who the. Who the cares about that?
Eldis
Looks a little meteor at the shower.
Stavi
It makes you think, look cooler. It's like, what are we doing here, man?
Reggie Conquest
I do not care about my salting.
Stavi
That's another part of growing up.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
I have a pathetic, little, small, soft dick, and I don't give a fuck.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, no, man.
Stavi
Now he's asking, should he do this to himself? No, no. He's a doctor. And he's like, I. Some people are saying this is unethical. Should I do it?
Eldis
But he says there's doctors making bank doing this shit in Austin, New York.
Reggie Conquest
And I mean, I'm confused. He. He's thinking about getting the surgery?
Stavi
No, no, he's a doctor.
Reggie Conquest
He's a doctor, and he's thinking about.
Stavi
Adding it to his repertoire. Adding it to the main. You at his cock clinic.
Reggie Conquest
And he said, it makes a lot of money. If you care about dicks when you do it, if you care about the people.
Stavi
I mean, the thing is, though, people. I mean, a lot of cosmetic surgery does probably have a 1 or 2% chance of being catastrophic, I would assume. Right? You see, people who get Botched all the time. And I mean, if these guys, I mean, there's no medical reason to do it, obviously. Right. You just kind of of put. When did that.
Reggie Conquest
I never heard this. Got me feeling uncomfortable.
Stavi
This is new. Yeah. I mean, I hate this. As a first of all, this shows you how. I mean, the second they actually figure out making dicks bigger medically, it will be the biggest industry in the world. Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
We're going to be like, we're going to be dead and gone.
Stavi
They're like, we're going to put. We put packing peanuts in your. So it looks bigger while you're soft. And there's guys that like, yes, please. I want a soft.
Reggie Conquest
I want my D to look big. Soft, soft dick.
Stavi
Put some bubble wrap around, cut the skin open and wrap my dick in bubble wrap so it looks bigger.
Reggie Conquest
Add much length to it when it's erect.
Stavi
It adds a little girth, basically.
Reggie Conquest
Oh, girth.
Stavi
But he's talking about 2-3 cm, which is like, you know, is that enough? And you just have a weird piece of silicone in your dick. You basically have a little. You have a little breast implant wrapped around your dick. How does that. Good. That's crazy. Now is it ethical for you to do it? I mean, if these guys want it.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
And you're like, look, here's the thing. It doesn't. You can offer it, but I wouldn't make it like, you know, the, the thing of your clin. The, the whole thing.
Reggie Conquest
Well, I don't. He might not have to offer it. He probably, he says he seems 5,000 dicks, so they probably bringing it to him.
Stavi
Yeah.
Reggie Conquest
And I think if, if they're bringing it up and they want to do it, go for it.
Eldis
It feels like it could be a point of no return for his career. Like, you ever see those like plastic surgery shows and you're like, hold on. This guy went to medical school. He is legit, but he's got like jet black swoop tear and he's. He's dressed like, you know, like he's Ryan Secret's cousin or something. Like.
Stavi
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eldis
I feel like once you're the like.
Stavi
Silicone doctor, when you're the implant doctor, that's hard to be taken seriously.
Reggie Conquest
Doctor.
Eldis
It's like that, that could end up just being your lane. And do you care? Do you want that? Could you make more bank off that?
Stavi
You could also do it in different ways where you have the practice. That's the dick plumping practice. It's different branding. It's different everything. And then you have your regular, you know.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Link with the other doctors to start a little group chat.
Stavi
See, now they don't want him on their corner. Dude. They're like, I fucking make the dicks bigger here, bro. Don't even think about putting silicone around other guys little ass dicks. That's my, my. I mean, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. What is this percentage? What is the. I guess my question would be compared to other procedures is 1 or 2% higher in terms of catastrophic results. Cuz if it is, then maybe it is unethical. You know what I mean? Like if usually a procedure has like a 2% chance of up but you're pushing more dangerous stuff to make more money than it is unethical. But if this is about par for the course. Course. And you're not worried about that point of no return. Which I'll just say because I think you're very right about that. You could definitely be known as the dick doctor. The like dick doctor.
Eldis
I. Oh, go ahead.
Reggie Conquest
No, I'm just trying to figure out when. When did that become a thing? When did solve penis want to be bigger?
Stavi
I think that's becoming a thing. Well for since man had the ability for language. Yeah, they're called him plants. That's hilarious. Oo they're doing in Beverly Hills. That's go to go to a. Go to the images. Let's see what these. Oh look, that guy's a little ass dick. Oh, so they literally just wrap some around your dick. Dude, I don't want that.
Eldis
Dude, I tell this guy do it. I say go for it. Make that money.
Reggie Conquest
I'm talking all this. I get it next week you're walking.
Stavi
Around just limp ass dick ever hanging.
Eldis
We have your number. We'll give you a call after this episode's over.
Stavi
Eldest wants the eldest wants the procedure. But I have 2% chance my dick is fucking pulverized. I'm not doing this.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, no, I'm not doing it either.
Stavi
That's crazy. I've learned to live with my little fucked up dick. I don't need to. Unless they get a foolproof or even a pill that makes your dick bigger. Fine, but I'm not doing this shit. Yeah, so anyway, good luck buddy. Reggie, that's going to do it for us.
Reggie Conquest
Oh man, this is fun.
Stavi
Thanks for coming.
Reggie Conquest
I'm going to have to write this down. Implant.
Stavi
Go follow Reggie. Watch his stuff. You've been in a bunch of stuff. The movie is coming out I think it should. I think we're going to time it. So it's around the time of the episode. Yeah, the. It's the Bradley Cooper standup movie starring Will Arnett. Is this thing on?
Reggie Conquest
Yeah. Is this thing on that Bradley Cooper?
Stavi
And we didn't talk about your part at all but I'm sure you're.
Reggie Conquest
I'm playing a stand up.
Stavi
Yeah. I think I auditioned for your part actually.
Reggie Conquest
Really?
Stavi
I mean I assume there was one fat comedian part.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah, his name is Dan.
Stavi
I don't remember. I'll look it up. Yeah, so I had a bad. I actually did the audition in this room and I was like I that up.
Reggie Conquest
I remember most auditions are. I'm like I'm not getting it.
Stavi
I couldn't get it to. I couldn't figure out the like tripod.
Reggie Conquest
Yeah.
Stavi
So it kept like slipping and I tried to have like this background and I used this light but I was too close to it because I didn't want to move the camera.
Reggie Conquest
I do that and it's like set and forget. They'll pick me or they're not this one they happen to.
Stavi
So I it love it, dude. Yeah. Go watch. Go go see the movie. It's cool. It was. They filmed a lot of the sellers.
Reggie Conquest
Stuff on stuff on YouTube, my don't tell set and other stuff. I've been on abid and insecure all the stuff. I love it.
Stavi
I love it. Thanks dude. This is great and thanks guys. We will talk to you next time. Bye.
Reggie Conquest
Word. If you are a fighter, Modelo is your reward. So listen close. You are strong, you are fearless.
Commercial Announcer
You are a fighter.
Reggie Conquest
And every last drop of this rich golden Modelo is yours. So raise it up high because you've earned it. Modelo, the mark of a fighter. Drink responsibly here. Reported by Carlin Imports, Chicago, Illinois.
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In this rich and hilarious episode of Stavvy’s World, Stavros Halkias welcomes comedian and actor Reggie Conquest to the couch for a deep-dive hangout, exploring their parallel journeys as “unk” (uncle) aged, plus-sized comedic dudes. The duo riffs on aging into uncle-hood, family reunions, growing up fat and learning to love it, embarrassing job stories, and the joys and perils of grilling. They also field classic Stavvy’s World listener voicemails on family meddling in your dating life, awkward coworker vibes, and whether to risk dick surgery just to look meatier in the locker room.
The episode is candid, hilarious, and vulnerable—Stavros and Reggie poke fun at themselves and each other, using self-deprecating humor as they explore the awkwardness and triumphs of fat adulthood, while delivering refreshingly honest advice peppered with wisdom and mockery. The language is conversational, raunchy, and warm, balancing riffing with heartfelt community.
This episode is a perfect blend of comedy, real-life wisdom, and the delightfully absurd. Reggie Conquest’s stories of family, fatness, and Philly hustling pair beautifully with Stavros' classic Greek uncle world-view, resulting in one of the warmest and funniest hangs in the podcast’s run.