#159 - Reggie Conquest

Summary

Stavvy’s World #159 – Reggie Conquest (December 15, 2025)

Episode Overview

In this rich and hilarious episode of Stavvy’s World, Stavros Halkias welcomes comedian and actor Reggie Conquest to the couch for a deep-dive hangout, exploring their parallel journeys as “unk” (uncle) aged, plus-sized comedic dudes. The duo riffs on aging into uncle-hood, family reunions, growing up fat and learning to love it, embarrassing job stories, and the joys and perils of grilling. They also field classic Stavvy’s World listener voicemails on family meddling in your dating life, awkward coworker vibes, and whether to risk dick surgery just to look meatier in the locker room.

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Main Themes & Purpose

• Generational comedic perspective: Navigating adult life as 30-something comedians, aging out of youth, embracing “uncle” status, and how fatness, family, and community shape your identity
• Friendship & career stories: Behind-the-scenes talk about working with A-list talent, Reggie’s breakout on Insecure, and the camaraderie of fat guys in entertainment
• Advice & lived experience: Candid, often brutally honest advice for listeners dealing with awkward family setups, workplace crushes, and more
• Masculinity, body acceptance, and humor: The struggle and acceptance of body image, fatness, and the role of laughter in survival and success

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Aunties, Uncles, and Family Dynamics (00:52 – 13:00)

• Greek family restaurant “vibe” on the pod: Stavros jokes about the relaxed, communal Greek atmosphere he wants for the show.
• Story of guest mix-up: Reggie accidentally booked fellow comic Amina Imani for the wrong day; ends up paying for her nails as an apology.
  • “It sucks when you up so bad, a friend can treat you like your girlfriend.” — Stavros (01:57)
• Family structure and titles: Touches on the “unk” and “auntie” evolution; how family and close friends are titled in Black and Greek cultures.
  • “The calves for a fat dude are like ass abs. That’s fat cleavage.” — Reggie (19:49)

Memorable Quotes:

• “Unk is sort of like a creepy... you’re not gonna do anything about it, but you’re horny.” — Stavi (09:23)
• “Auntie is just not as cool. Society just treats aunties—” — Reggie (09:51)

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2. BBQ Culture, Grill Master Anxieties, and Plus-Size Confidence (13:00 – 23:40)

• Becoming the grill master: Reggie unpacks his dad’s legendary status as the “grill master” at Philly block parties and why he feels pressure to inherit (and fears) the role.
  • “My dad beat [the fun of grilling] out of me… it was like training camp for grilling. And I hate it now.” — Reggie (16:55)
• Body acceptance/utility: Deep dive on how plus-size men express style, confidence, and the unique ways they can “show skin” (calves!) and take pride in uncle energy.
  • “Tank top for fat guy’s huge... you gotta wear clothes that hide all your worst parts.” — Stavi (19:36)

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3. Fat Kid Stories, Transformation, and Media Representation (23:41 – 38:14)

• Weight loss journeys: Candid talk about losing and gaining weight, shopping at “regular” stores, and the shifting self-image in comedy.
  • “When I was able to shop at H&M, it was a whole new world!” — Reggie (21:30)
• Nude scenes & confidence: Reggie recalls his surprise full-nude scene in Insecure and the pleasures and perils of body exposure on camera.
  • “Bro, everybody’s like, ‘I know you got hard.’ No, I did not. My dick went in my body!” — Reggie (31:19)
• Growing up fat: How being the “fat cousin” or the “funny fat kid” gives you a certain social armor but also shapes adolescent pain and humor.
  • “I was the kid that wore my shirt in the pool… until I got older.” — Reggie (32:18)

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4. First Jobs, Almost-a-Cop, and Blue Collar Upbringing (46:44 – 56:25)

• Blue collar beginnings: Both reminisce on working in furniture stores, machine shops, and with “old, foul” warehouse guys.
• Near-cop experience: Reggie details how a single honest word from a correctional officer at a gas station kept him from a soul-crushing job.
  • “He straight was like: Don’t do this, man… I was this close to being a CO. I got fitted and everything.” — Reggie (52:03)
• Gratitude for life path: "My sister's a stripper... a stripper is a net positive on society [compared to CO]." — Stavi (54:31)

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5. Listener Callers & Classic Advice Segments (56:10 – END)

Caller 1: Aunt’s Awkward Hairdresser Setup (56:14 – 64:50)

• Situation: Aunt sneakily takes photos of her (unwitting) young hairdresser and tries to push a matchmaking scenario.
• “Your aunt wants to pay for a haircut for you to chat with a kind of nice girl. What do you have to lose?” — Stavros (60:29)
  • Consensus: If you’re game, go get the (free) haircut. Be normal. If interested, see if there’s chemistry. Don’t mention the weird photo setup until much later (“that’s something you say way later if it works out”).

Caller 2: Flirting with a Temporary Subordinate (65:10 – 71:21)

• Situation: 36-year-old man is technically supervising a younger temp at work; wonders if/when it’s ethical to ask her out.
• “Be honest: is this actually chemistry, or are you projecting?... Jack off and, in the seven minutes of clarity, ask yourself.” — Stavros (67:09)
• Advice: Wait until her assignment ends, then it’s safe to ask if she wants to hang out—if you’re sure she’s interested and of appropriate age.

Caller 3: Traveling on "Family Money" While Funemployed (71:24 – 77:06)

• Situation: Listener’s unemployed, wants to travel with his girlfriend using savings, but fears his family will judge if he’s also been asking for gas money.
• “Grow up. Stop asking your fucking parents for gas money, you fucking loser.” — Stavi (75:28)
  • Advice: If you have the money, take the trip; but you can’t ask for handouts and then post vacation pics.

Caller 4: Friend Draws Bad “Fan Art” of Hot Women (77:25 – 87:06)

• Situation: Listener’s friend tries to get women’s attention by drawing and tagging them in bad, unsolicited art.
• “You have to get him to stop. Maybe suggest something else. Don’t draw if you suck.” — Reggie (85:52)
• Mockery is encouraged: “Get all the bros together, make fun of him, maybe shame it out of him.” — Reggie (86:21)

Caller 5: Ex-Girlfriend, Instagram Games, and Soft-Cucking (88:42 – 96:08)

• Situation: Messy breakup; ex is seeing a hockey/firefighter dude, softly taunting on social. Listener wants to “hold onto info” and wonders if he should confront her.
• “There is no satisfaction in life. Nothing good ever happens... The quicker you get over this, the easier it will be going forward.” — Stavros (92:14)
  • Move on. Block her, stop re-litigating. “This is not a card to play.” (95:31)

Caller 6: Urologist Wonders If "Hem Plant" Surgery for Dick Girth Is Ethical (96:54 – 103:35)

• Situation: Urologist describes a new procedure that adds girth/length to the flaccid penis—the catch: 1-2% chance of disaster.
• “Am I doing ANY surgery where there’s a 2% chance my dick gets eaten by bacteria? No.” — Stavi (97:54)
• If the risks line up with other plastic surgeries and people understand the consequences, do it—but beware, becoming the “Dick Doctor” is a career point of no return.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• [03:38] “Starting the day with a loss.” — Reggie, after paying for a friend’s missed appointment
• [04:26] “It’s pathetic the way our generation behaves… it’s over. Stop clinging on to your youth.” — Stavi
• [05:54] “Tearing up, wearing a jersey... I was like, I don’t care. I never got... he never showed up to our school…” — Reggie on meeting Allen Iverson
• [19:49] “The calves for a fat dude are like ass abs. That’s fat cleavage.” — Reggie
• [31:19] “Bro, everyone’s like, ‘I know you got hard.’ Nah, my dick went in my body!” — Reggie describing his Insecure nude scene
• [54:31] “A stripper is a net positive on society compared to a corrections officer.” — Stavi
• [60:29] “Worst case, your aunt pays for a haircut... what do you have to lose?” — Stavros
• [67:09] “Jack off, and in the seven minutes you have clarity, ask yourself: do you actually have chemistry?” — Stavros (advice for workplace crushes)
• [75:28] “Grow up. Stop asking your fucking parents for gas money, you fucking loser.” — Stavi
• [92:14] “There is no satisfaction in life. Nothing good ever happens… The quicker you get over this, the easier it will be.” — Stavi

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Overall Tone & Language

The episode is candid, hilarious, and vulnerable—Stavros and Reggie poke fun at themselves and each other, using self-deprecating humor as they explore the awkwardness and triumphs of fat adulthood, while delivering refreshingly honest advice peppered with wisdom and mockery. The language is conversational, raunchy, and warm, balancing riffing with heartfelt community.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [00:52] — Show start, Amina Imani mix-up, family vibes
• [03:38] — Paying for friends’ mistakes, starting the day “with a loss”
• [13:00] — Grill master legacy, BBQ stories
• [23:41] — Weight loss, confidence, plus-size fashion
• [31:19] — Nude scene anxiety (Insecure) and personal comfort
• [46:44] — First jobs, blue collar talk, almost becoming a correctional officer
• [56:14] — Voicemail advice: Aunt’s hairdresser setup
• [65:10] — Voicemail: Can you date a temp subordinate?
• [71:24] — Voicemail: Unemployed travel, parents’ money
• [77:25] — Voicemail: Friend’s bad “pick me” art
• [88:42] — Voicemail: Petty ex drama/“soft-cucking”
• [96:54] — Voicemail: Urologist and “dick implants” ethics

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Final Notes

This episode is a perfect blend of comedy, real-life wisdom, and the delightfully absurd. Reggie Conquest’s stories of family, fatness, and Philly hustling pair beautifully with Stavros' classic Greek uncle world-view, resulting in one of the warmest and funniest hangs in the podcast’s run.

Transcript

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[Stavi]

Welcome, Everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-stop- call in. We'll solve all your problems. We've got my man Reggie Conquest on the couch today. Reggie, thanks for coming.

[Reggie Conquest]

What up, man? That means.

[Stavi]

That's right, that's right, that's right. We want people to feel like they're having a nice time. You know, you're at a Greek restaurant, the owner shut the door, you know what I mean? He said, the ball, the ouzo's on the counter, you don't have to pay per shot. And then whatever calamari is left over, make up a nice Greek style. That's the vibe we're going for here.

[Reggie Conquest]

All right. I like it. It made me laugh. Soon I heard it's home brand.

[Stavi]

Thanks for coming, Reggie. And we do have a funny story. A friend of the show, Amina Imani, was supposed to be here.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yes. I fucked up.

[Stavi]

But you told her to come yesterday.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, I totally. I panicked, bro. I was like. I was so scared, like. And then she called me, just yelling at me. I even. I offered the Uber and she was like, and you getting my nails done. I was like, all right.

[Stavi]

It sucks when you up so bad. A friend can treat you like your girlfriend.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Like you, that is.

[Reggie Conquest]

I was so scared to answer the phone when she called, like, legit. It was in the morning. It was a little chilly. Yeah, it was bad. She has a son. Yeah, she's so bad.

[Stavi]

And it's tough to get here.

[Reggie Conquest]

We're in Queen. Yeah, she said she was three minutes away, so that means she was walking.

[Stavi]

She had already been on the train for like an hour. Yeah, no, that's a tough one. We were looking forward to seeing if she had, you know, how. What her relationship with Airbnb was.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, I gotta come back with her.

[Stavi]

I think she. Was she doing Airbnb? No, she just loves Airbnb. Right.

[Reggie Conquest]

But she, I think she got kicked out of it.

[Eldis]

She got banned because she was, she had like a really shitty one and she went off on that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, she loves reviews.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, she's a big reviewer. It's, it's, it gets a little annoying because I've been there for a few. She's, she's into that. That's what she does. So.

[Stavi]

Yeah, she's a power reviewer. She's a power Google reviewer. If, if, you know, 10 years ago she would have been setting Yelp on fire.

[Reggie Conquest]

We were, yeah, we were trying to, we were trying to come up with some ideas to do something together. And it had something to do with like going out to eat and I'm like, who's gonna sit and watch us eat? And we're all loud and cussing each other out, but we got all these ideas we just haven't executed executed, but I know we executed on that money. I had to center yesterday getting this call at like, it's like 10:55 you owe me and I had to send like $120 and I'm just laying in bed, like.

[Stavi]

Starting the day with a loss.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, yeah, that's all yesterday was, man. I'm glad I made it.

[Stavi]

You made it. Amina. She's getting her nails done on your dime as we speak. So she won't be here, but that's all right, man. What are you gonna do? Yeah, dude, thanks for coming. You got. I know you're in the Bradley Cooper movie. You know, it's, it's nice to be amongst a pl. A fellow plus size actor. You know, they tried to get us.

[Reggie Conquest]

Out of movies, but we're coming back. We're making, we're making a big comeback, bro. I'm almost, I was talking about it yesterday. I'm, I'm getting a little older and I'm like, yeah, I'm definitely playing dad or uncle. Oh, dude. Yeah, dad or uncle. Uncle Phil. I got like Uncle Phil. I look like Uncle Phil, but I still got this Fresh Prince vibe. Like old inside.

[Stavi]

No, it's pathetic the way we, our generation behaves, you know, like, it's like, what are we doing every day I'm having that. I'm like, look at you, man. It's over.

[Reggie Conquest]

It's over. Stop clinging on to your youth. Yeah, I got back problems. Just what the. When you're like hanging on to something totally.

[Stavi]

No, no, it is. It's just sort of like we're all dad aged but pretending that we're still young. And it is, you know, I don't know if you're feeling this, but I'm definitely like, what are you doing? I always feel like, let's figure this out, bro.

[Reggie Conquest]

And then the kid is still in me, right?

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Reggie Conquest]

I almost. I met AI the other day.

[Stavi]

Yeah, we talked about that.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, that's fucking. He had a book signing and literally almost I was getting emotional inside.

[Stavi]

I mean, Allen Iverson is. But for people like, we're about the same age, you know, I'm 36. It's like he was the guy.

[Reggie Conquest]

He was the guy.

[Stavi]

I mean, there was no.

[Reggie Conquest]

He was the man before. He was before. I wasn't the biggest Kobe fan growing up. It was me neither.

[Stavi]

Me neither. I think you had to pick. Yeah, that's what happens.

[Reggie Conquest]

You were. Because he was a sixer. You're from Philly.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

So it was like. But I. I was. I felt it. I was bubbling up like all these emotions. My childhood flashing before me. It was like, yo.

[Stavi]

And that's supposed to be something that you share with your son?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, but you're just. You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

That's supposed to. This is, you know how you feel about Steph Curry? This was my step.

[Reggie Conquest]

Curry.

[Stavi]

But you don't have a son. You know, you're just a grown man who went there by himself.

[Reggie Conquest]

Tearing up, tearing up, wearing a jersey. I wore his jersey. I. I was like, I don't care. I never got. He never showed up to our school. He never did anything.

[Stavi]

Stars were never.

[Reggie Conquest]

They never show. But they sold it to us. And. Yeah. He never sold. Yeah. I felt like a big old kid.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Dude, it is weird. Like, I went to Disney World by myself. Like me. No, last year, me and my lady went to Disney World and we were like, this was suck with kids. This could. Absolutely. We were watching parents with their kids, like having a horrible day.

[Eldis]

This is.

[Reggie Conquest]

This.

[Commercial Announcer]

Why.

[Reggie Conquest]

Why would anybody come there with the kids? This is bad. So. Yeah, man.

[Stavi]

Yeah, dude. I know. It is very funny. I mean, I am definitely sliding into perfectly the uncle role.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Like just the, the like sort of like piece of uncle.

[Reggie Conquest]

Do you. Do you. Are you. Are you cool with your nieces and nephews?

[Stavi]

I have one, so we only have one in the family. But my best, you know, like my best friend had two kids and she's like. She's like, they're. They're bait. They're like two. Two and a half and a newborn. And that's cool. And then my brother just had a kid.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And he's the. I mean, it's like this fat little cute ass.

[Reggie Conquest]

And they. They know you.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Like, I'm around a lot. Like, I mean, when he had the kid part, I was pumped, obviously, but then I was like, I'm gonna have to visit my family so much more. Yeah, there go the fun like I used to have. I used to just not even go home for holidays. I'm saying I'm gonna have to go and see the baby.

[Reggie Conquest]

I've been. I've been an uncle since I was like, 10. Me and my brother. Me and my brother are 10 years apart. Okay. So my nieces and nephews, I kind of grew up.

[Stavi]

Right? Right.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like, as. They're like, big bro. Like, they.

[Stavi]

They call me an older cousin. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

They called me Reggie. For the longest. They just called me by my first name.

[Stavi]

Hey, Reggie.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Where's Reggie at? Like, but now they're older. They're like almost 30. Oh, wow. And they start to call me uncle now. Now I'm like, hey, you don't.

[Stavi]

You know, now it's Reggie.

[Reggie Conquest]

Y' all don't gotta call me uncle now if y' all don't want. But they're older now, so they're being respectful, right? And they're like, what's up, Uncle Reg? And I'm like, I don't need a.

[Stavi]

28 year old calling me uncle.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Yo, like, we grew up like little brother. Like, I was. My little brothers now they like, what's up, Uncle Reg? What's up, un?

[Stavi]

Un. I feel like in the last six months, UN has not only picked up, but it's lowered to the mid-30s. Yeah, it used to. Correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like it was exclusively for, like, 45.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I thought so, too.

[Stavi]

The Bluetooth set, you know what I mean? The classic Stacy Adams. You know what I mean?

[Reggie Conquest]

Like, bro, I wear slides a lot and I'm like, this is our generation of unk.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it's tr.

[Reggie Conquest]

It's like sneaker bottom slippers. It is true. Yeah.

[Stavi]

No, you're right. You're right. I have a conception of what it was when we were growing up, but it's now whatever we. I'm fucking wearing orthotic New Balance everywhere.

[Reggie Conquest]

But they. In our mind, we like, these are cool. That's what they thought. They thought those sandals were cool. They were cool. These are cool. But the Kids are like, nah, nah. Yeah, you're so. But I don't mind, you know, have you called. Have you called anybody, like a lady or auntie? No, I was at a function and I was like. I was like, we. The aunts and uncles and the girls my age, I was calling. Aunts were like, no, don't call us that. Don't call us that.

[Stavi]

Well, I feel like auntie is more sexless than unk.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Cause Unc, there's also a kind of like latent horniness to being an unk. It's sort of like a creepy. It's like you're not gonna do anything about it, but you all are horny. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

It sounds a little cooler than an uncle. I'd rather. Uncle.

[Stavi]

Uncle.

[Reggie Conquest]

Hey, uncle stinks. Hey.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. Unc is. The uncle's definitely better. You can maintain a type. You can be a cool ank. In a way.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I mean, it's. I think it is just misogyny where it's like the. The female thing is just not as cool.

[Reggie Conquest]

Dude. Yes.

[Stavi]

Society just treats aunties.

[Reggie Conquest]

Do you say aunt?

[Stavi]

I say. I think I say aunt.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I know. I know. The whites I grew up with say Aunt Philly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's my aunt.

[Stavi]

Yeah, we say aunt. And I think there's a. Yeah, we do. I. The Philly Baltimore. There's very close. They're like white trash cousins.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Like, it's very.

[Stavi]

It's very. The accent is very related. Yeah, but yeah, no, we. I always. We. I mean, I had a bunch of aunts, but I always, like. Just because all of them were Greek, so I just. They didn't.

[Reggie Conquest]

Names, though. I had a. I had an Aunt Libby. Aunt Debbie.

[Stavi]

Aunt Libby. Yeah, that's.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, I had a couple aunts. Aunt names. Aunt. What's my aunt's name? Aunt Libby, Aunt Debbie, Aunt Tangy. That's one of my favorite aunts.

[Stavi]

So you had a big family, huh?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, we had a. We had a split up, mom, dad side, but yeah, okay. Big family on the dad's side. All lit, all drinkers, you know, Love that.

[Stavi]

Are we talking classic big black family reunion situation?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, Conquest family reunion. I was jealous.

[Stavi]

When you'd go to a park, you would see like a hundred black people.

[Reggie Conquest]

Having the sickest cookout you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, everyone's got it.

[Stavi]

It was well before print on demand shirts. You know, like black people were way ahead of printing your own shirts.

[Reggie Conquest]

I went to both sides. One time in my life, the McBride side and the conquest side. Conquest is my mom's last name. Okay. So that's the conquest fan. I remember doing the egg toss right at the family. Okay. Straight Tyler Perry type film.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Egg toss and then my dad.

[Stavi]

Sack race.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Three legged race. Yeah. When your family's so big, you're basically running a summer camp.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. I went to both sides once and that was it. I never. Have you been to family reunion?

[Stavi]

No, I mean, we just. My family is two family reunions. Not really. I don't think so. And also, like, my family's in Greece. I mean, most of my, you know, my dad's in Greece also for Greek. Like, Greek will tend to have bigger families. I have a pretty small family. Like, my.

[Reggie Conquest]

Both.

[Stavi]

My parents only had one sibling. I only have. I have three cousins total.

[Reggie Conquest]

Damn.

[Stavi]

And then, you know, there's more second cousins and Greek people count those as just regular cousins, too.

[Reggie Conquest]

But do y' all do that family? Like. Like your mom's best friends are your cousins?

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, yeah. Like, okay.

[Stavi]

And like, yeah, I would. I grew up calling everybody aunt who was not. You know, like, I had that.

[Reggie Conquest]

It took you a while. I remember growing up calling my cousin's cousin. And then you get in 20s, you're like, oh, we're not cousins at all.

[Stavi]

No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Stavi]

Yeah. The. A. Definitely the. There is that extended. I don't know if it's like. Yeah, I think it's partially like an immigrant thing where it's like some of your family's over there, so you kind of like you just pick up other Greek people and form a kind of makeshift family. And I. I mean, I feel like that's. I like that vibe of the. Because there's. There's still com. There's community in that. Whereas, like, a lot of America just does not have that. They, like, they're so isolated from their families. They're just like, don't. They don't have that connection.

[Reggie Conquest]

We just said. I used to not go home for Christmas and all that stuff. I'll just stay up here.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Do shows and be sad.

[Commercial Announcer]

Chris.

[Stavi]

I do. Like, there is something fun about Christmas without your family. It does feel. It feels sad, but it also feels like. It feels like like no one else is having this experience. It feels kind of cool.

[Reggie Conquest]

I only do the. I only do the Christmas, Thanksgiving. I do want to be with family because. Only because of the food. Like, I know. I know I'm going to eat good if I go home. If I Stay in New York. I'm dying. Shit. I'm just. I probably go to seller, which. Their food is always good on Thanksgiving.

[Stavi]

They do. Have a nice Thanksgiving.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. I'll go home for Thanksgiving, Christmas. I'm like, I'm good.

[Stavi]

I'm with you, dude. And there's something. I mean, this city's great on Christmas also. Just. I don't. You're right. It is like a sad thing. You almost feel like. You feel like a divorced man, even if you're not divorced.

[Reggie Conquest]

The saddest, Yo. The saddest one. I've never forget this. On Thanksgiving. I was the sad. In Vegas. Cellar. Vegas. I was with Kevin.

[Stavi]

Oh, my God, Kevin. The Cellar and Vegas. I thought.

[Reggie Conquest]

You know what I thought? I'm like, oh, this is Thanksgiving. You know, I'll go to Vegas, make some money, right? Me and Kevin. ISO was in a Denny's on Thanksgiving. Oh, no, dude, this is like. This was like four years ago, bro. It was the saddest Thanksgiving that I can remember. I'm sitting across dumb Kevin. We're eating Denny's, and we were like.

[Stavi]

Why Denny's doesn't Vegas. I mean, Vegas has great restaurants.

[Reggie Conquest]

We just. It was in walking distance.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

From the shitty hotel we were staying at. Yeah.

[Stavi]

And the. The hotel.

[Reggie Conquest]

The.

[Stavi]

I mean, the casino. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. I think they changed it, but, yeah, that shit was.

[Stavi]

For a while. It was in maybe the worst casino.

[Reggie Conquest]

We both agreed and looked up and was like, yo, this is some sad.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so. That is a. That. That might be the most. My wife left me yesterday. Thanksgiving, I think of.

[Reggie Conquest]

It was so bad. Do you cook?

[Stavi]

I like to cook. Yeah. I like to. I actually prefer. Also, Thanksgiving is not a big Greek thing.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So I actually stay here.

[Reggie Conquest]

Well, in general. Do you. Do you throw down?

[Stavi]

I do like to cook. Yeah. I like to grill. I like to. You know, I cooked. We had Easter on the road. We. I cooked up some lamb.

[Reggie Conquest]

I cooked up some.

[Stavi]

Some Greek. I do, like. I really like cooking. That is my. My dream. My. Like, retirement is just like, have a little restaurant.

[Reggie Conquest]

So as a. As a. As a big dude. Do you watch the oils and the season or you just go for it?

[Stavi]

If I'm cooking, go for it. There's. I have two modes, right? I have, like. I'm trying to get a little healthier as, like. And when I'm doing that, I'm like. I'm measuring out. Like, if I'm meal prepping, bro, I.

[Reggie Conquest]

Use the little measuring cup so much. Now let me Get a little. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get a cup of rice.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean?

[Reggie Conquest]

But then I'm right back getting another half.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Reggie Conquest]

But yeah, I've been trying to use like, different, you know, different seasoning and. But that gets confusing, you know, when.

[Stavi]

It'S too many steps, you're just going to not fucking do it. Yeah, but when I'm like, trying to cook to entertain, like, I like, do a rib roast for Christmas, I like to just like, you know, get basically what they cut rib eyes out of. You just get a whole fucking thing of it.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And then just smear it with like, garlic rosemary mayo.

[Reggie Conquest]

So you like a grill master?

[Stavi]

You will. I like to. Yes, this is. This. I roast in the. In the oven over the time, but yes, I like to grill lamb chops. I like to grill like, I make one of my go to's. Go to meal prep. I actually have it in the fridge for lunch today. Little flank. Little marinated flank steak. That's some good shit. Some soy sauce, some orange juice.

[Reggie Conquest]

Sounds good. I'm not. I'm not that. Grilling is not in me. That's the one thing about being an unk that I should have. That's not.

[Stavi]

That's despicable.

[Reggie Conquest]

But I think my. I think my dad beat it out of me because my dad was a grill. He was the grill master in the. In. In the neighborhood. Like, he had the.

[Stavi]

The.

[Reggie Conquest]

The three grill things, and he would do community block parties and.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's my.

[Reggie Conquest]

And guess who was his little helper.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it was you.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, my God. If I messed up, if it was bad, I think he beat it out of me.

[Stavi]

It was whiplash for grilling. Yes.

[Reggie Conquest]

It was like training camp for grilling. And I hate it now.

[Stavi]

I don't even want to do it.

[Reggie Conquest]

I don't even. Anytime I'll bring. I'll put money in, I'll bring food. I do not want to stay in.

[Stavi]

Over the bill for it.

[Reggie Conquest]

Dude, I know you have to do it, bro. I love I sandals.

[Stavi]

And you have. You have the grill master physiognomy.

[Reggie Conquest]

So in me it is. Dude, like, even I won't cook, but I'll be looking like.

[Stavi]

This is like. Yeah, this is like the plot of Creed, but for grilling.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Where it's like, come on, I can do this.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yo, he. That was bad. And I remember I used to have to do it. Like, I wanted to hang out and do. Nope. We got. We got work, cuz. He. He would. He would grow the community.

[Stavi]

Dude, I feel the same way. I was doing. I was. I was shooting something and it was like. One of the guys was like, I'm gonna have a barbecue, right? Yeah. He had two bar. He had one barbecue. The. Basically the weekend I got there, I was working on this movie for a couple weeks. As soon as I got there, it was fun. Go to meet people. But the first time I'm looking at how they're grilling.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

It fucking pissed me off. Yeah. And the second time he was hosted at barbecue, I was like, why don't I take over? And I just. And I just was grilling. I brought my. I brought like. I was like, I. I gotta. I gotta do this.

[Reggie Conquest]

I have to get over this.

[Stavi]

And I literally just commandeered the grill because it was pissing me off.

[Reggie Conquest]

Y.

[Stavi]

How like, it was just grilling for need. Not for, like, not for a good time. It was just. Just enough. When somebody wanted a hot dog, they would grill a hot dog.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, my God, that is annoying. Like, put the whole thing on that.

[Stavi]

Rack of meat going at all times.

[Reggie Conquest]

I remember one time I was at a. Somewhere and I. I jokingly said the chicken was like, it wasn't. It was still a little.

[Stavi]

Little pink. Sure.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I said, hey, this chicken's still clucking.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And the grill. The person on the grill got so mad. I felt it.

[Stavi]

I was like, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

I was like, ah, my bad.

[Stavi]

No, dude, this is it. You're fighting your destiny.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, I know, man.

[Stavi]

You. You need to be a grill master, especially. It's in your blood. Your dad was the neighborhood.

[Reggie Conquest]

There's so much cool grilling. Clothes and the grill master. So it's like being a DJ at a party.

[Stavi]

100, dude. That's also the most revered position for a fat man.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yes.

[Stavi]

You have like, And.

[Reggie Conquest]

And you got like, I seen you, your calves when you got up. I'm like, those are grill masters. Master cat. I got some nice cabs, too. Get the little shorts out. That's like. Yeah. I am built for it.

[Stavi]

That's the girl. That's the thing is you have to wear clothes that hide at all your worst parts. Tank top for a fat guy's huge too.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Because you don't. You don't look that fat in your arms and your shoulders might look cool. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Up here. Yeah, I'm good.

[Stavi]

You need a billowy tank top.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And shorts that just get highlighted. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

The calves for a fat dude are like ass abs.

[Stavi]

Absolutely. That's fat cleavage.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yes, it is.

[Stavi]

That's. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Anytime a Girl's like, oh, you got it.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like, yeah, you know?

[Stavi]

Yeah. That's why even when in the big shorts era, calves were still the one part of your body.

[Reggie Conquest]

I love. I love the little shorts era, though.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I'm with it. I'm not. I have decided again, this is part of unk hood. I'm not chasing trends.

[Reggie Conquest]

No.

[Stavi]

I am sticking with little shorts.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Little shorts are the shit.

[Stavi]

And. But. But thing. Even when people wearing skinny. I was wearing big pants already, so I'm gonna stick big pants, little shorts, man.

[Reggie Conquest]

I tried to Hawaiian. Yeah. Oh, you know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Hawaiian tracksuit. These are fat guy staples. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

I did try the skinny jeans.

[Stavi]

Error. I could see it was bad. I could see you being swallowed up by. By trends.

[Reggie Conquest]

It was bad. I did definitely do the skinny jeans. I'm so glad it's over. I'm so glad. Yeah, I was wearing them a little bit, but I had lost a bunch, so I was feeling my. That's another thing. If you're a big guy and you lose a bunch of weight, you start dressing ridiculous. You start getting crazy.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Elders in his head is like, he's been planning that era of his life.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, he's right now he's thinking of outfits he's going to wear. And in his mind, three months, I'm like just £20.

[Eldis]

£20 from now.

[Reggie Conquest]

You're going to get so goofy. At one point, when I. When I first got to New York, I was 380 and I lost. I had lost 90.

[Stavi]

Wow.

[Reggie Conquest]

So I was able to fit all types of shit, even at, you know, that's still 200. But to me, that was like a.

[Stavi]

Whole new world at that stage. You can maybe wear the fattest clothes in a regular store, bro.

[Reggie Conquest]

When I was able. When I was able to shop at H and M, it was a whole new world. I was like, oh, oh, it's up.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And this was the time where it was like a controversy. Like, they made some black kid wear a monkey shirt. Oh, I remember this. So that was around that time. And I was just like, hey. They was like, we're boycott. I was just chasing them.

[Stavi]

I just got here.

[Reggie Conquest]

I just got here. I just got here, bro. I was so happy to fit H and M. It's like, yo, this is great.

[Stavi]

No, dude, I know exactly what you mean. I am right now on that cusp.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Of like the fattest article of clothing in certain stores or like the smallest size at the big and tall store. You know what I mean? Like, I'M riding that line and I'd love to get into regular stores.

[Reggie Conquest]

Do you do. Do you do. Do you do smaller bottom and. And bigger top or bigger top, smaller bottom? Like, do you do. Do you do like a. Cuz I know. I'll do like a 2x pants.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Reggie Conquest]

And a 3x top.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Reggie Conquest]

And then sometimes I switch. I'll go 3x pants.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Reggie Conquest]

A little snugger up top.

[Stavi]

I. I'm definitely. I'm def. Due to the calves.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

My legs just looking better. I always go a little small, particularly tracksuits, shorts. I'm going smaller because it is the job. I have just a giant stomach.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I gotta.

[Reggie Conquest]

I gotta gut myself too. I gotta get myself too. But if I got on a white beater, I'm like, I know. Doing good.

[Stavi]

I know. I. The. I am. I just need to get bigger arms. I'm just. That's the move.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like incline.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Some chest. I don't know.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fat guys telling each other. This is classic.

[Reggie Conquest]

I lost confidence.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

I don't know what to tell you.

[Stavi]

You can even finish the sentence. Incline.

[Reggie Conquest]

That's all I had.

[Stavi]

We forgot the mics were on. We were about to just lie to each other about how we look pretty good.

[Reggie Conquest]

You gotta get the incline going, dog.

[Stavi]

We're about to fall into a fat echo chamber. Oh, dude. We're just a couple incline benches away, dude. We're good, bro. That's very. So. So you had that moment where you lost a bunch of. You had just moved here or what was it?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, it was just. It was just around the time I moved here.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Reggie Conquest]

Well, yeah, I moved here. My biggest was 380. And then I just started walking.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And then I started running a little bit, but I lost a lot of weight. And I look back at the pictures, I'm like, I still was the same size. I was like, I never. I look.

[Stavi]

You.

[Reggie Conquest]

You look at old pictures. You're like, damn, I was smaller.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Reggie Conquest]

Totally. And you're like.

[Stavi]

When you thought you were fat as. Yeah, I have the same thing. I see a picture of me from like 2016 went in my head. I was like, you're the fattest piece of.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And now I would strangle someone to look like that.

[Reggie Conquest]

I'm trying.

[Stavi]

It's taken me years to get back.

[Reggie Conquest]

I think I've plateaued. I've been stuck. I've been stuck at the same weight for some time.

[Stavi]

Yeah, no, I had the same thing where I was. I mean, I gained a bunch of weight And I lost. I'm trying to get back. And I've plateaued in, like, the mid-280s.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And I did 280. Now I'm around 2. Like, 285.

[Reggie Conquest]

I'm 305.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I mean, you know, you're also.

[Reggie Conquest]

How tall are you? I go 5, 11, 6 foot.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah. You're a taller. You know, and you. You know it.

[Reggie Conquest]

You.

[Stavi]

You do carry it. Well, we. I think we're both lucky to not be the floppy fat guys.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? The guys that, like, kind of solid. Very solid.

[Reggie Conquest]

I love solid. Solid's good.

[Stavi]

Which I think clinically is bad.

[Eldis]

That's.

[Stavi]

That's the kind of fat that kills you. That, like, clogs your heart.

[Reggie Conquest]

Heavy, heavy fat.

[Stavi]

But I would rather that than, like, the marshmallowy, you know, like, oh, somebody.

[Reggie Conquest]

I don't like when people poke my side and, like, it's like. I like it to be hard. That's. You start doing a little standing crunches.

[Stavi]

I know that. That idea that it's like you can just work out and just have, like, abs like a Ninja Turtle, where it's like abs over your fat. You know that again, that's.

[Reggie Conquest]

What's your. What's your. What's your workout now? You do a bunch of cardio. You do a bunch of lifting.

[Stavi]

I'm starting to. I was doing a lot of cardio, and I was doing kind of like body weight exercises, and I've recently started. I thought, my brother's a trainer. And he was just like, you just need to lift a little heavier.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like, your brother's a trainer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. You should be further.

[Stavi]

Well, he's. He's just had a kid. He's also in Baltimore.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh. He don't. He don't sell. He sends you meal plans.

[Stavi]

He's just running his own fucking biz. Like, I fucked up because I helped him start his own business, which made it so that he would never pay attention to me again. Because now he's, like, trying to. Like, when he was like, you know, working for somebody else, he had all.

[Reggie Conquest]

The time in the world, but now.

[Stavi]

He'S like, I have a child in a business.

[Reggie Conquest]

Okay, I beat it.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean, so I get, you know him, right? Piece of.

[Reggie Conquest]

Damn. I wish I always wished I had a. I don't know if it would change anything. I'm like, man, I wish I had a brother that was a. Or a cousin or something that was in the fitness.

[Stavi]

Well, that's the. I mean, when we were in the one time there was like a summer in college where he, he was in school training. I mean he wasn't a trainer yet, but he was like taking classes and, and we had a summer where he trained. We like worked out, we hung out all the time. I lost a bunch of weight then I, I then and it was like in college where I was like I need to just do something to get I'm a loser. And I lost weight. I was the smallest I've ever been, whatever. And I was in good shape. Got a girlfriend and just immediately got fat as shit.

[Reggie Conquest]

Relationships immediately got fat as that happy weight. Bullshit. So bullshit.

[Stavi]

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[Stavi]

But you know what are you gonna do? And so was this now when you were at your smallest was this the because you have a pretty well known nude scene. Of course we're we're talking to TSA Bay here of, you know, Vin Secure fame eldest.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

Well, you were showing cheeks and.

[Reggie Conquest]

It was like, yeah, it was like, ye.

[Stavi]

I'll do that.

[Reggie Conquest]

Want to start the show? Hell yeah.

[Stavi]

Dude, that was. That must have been big because that was. I mean, at the time, that was the biggest show culturally. Like, I feel like everyone was watching that show for sure. I feel like a lot of people in our age group saw your ass cheeks.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, it was. And I didn't tell anybody. I just, I just.

[Stavi]

It was a surprise. Like, oh, nice. I remember you popping up on the show and be like, nice, regular show. And I was like, whoa, nice. I didn't say.

[Reggie Conquest]

I didn't say anything on purpose. I was like, you know what? I'm going to just let this.

[Stavi]

Because that's a huge. That was a huge deal.

[Reggie Conquest]

That was my first, like, you know.

[Stavi]

I know to be. For that. To be your first one is awesome.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. So they, they. And I hadn't watched the show that much. It was like one of those shows that blew up on Twitter. So you can kind of go on Twitter at the time when I was on there and kind of know what's going on. But even in audition, I didn't know it was going to be Issa.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Reggie Conquest]

You know what I mean? It was like, it said like, Alicia.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Then you get there and you're like, oh.

[Stavi]

I'm just not even preparing the biggest audition you'd ever gotten. I remember you it this time you were not doing well. That was huge. And you're like, I'm not gonna watch it.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I had time to, like. I had time to, like, get in some type of shape and I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing. Like, I had time to like. But I'm like, nah, they want to. I know what this is. They want to. Why would I. Why would I do anything?

[Stavi]

Totally. I did not put lipstick on the pig. They know what they want.

[Reggie Conquest]

I. I remember I did try to bang out some push.

[Stavi]

Sure. Of course.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like in my robe.

[Stavi]

I'm like, of course, of course.

[Reggie Conquest]

But is this one scene of like my shoulders. That was the one thing I was like, yeah, that's pretty good.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally, Totally. Looking pretty good.

[Reggie Conquest]

A shoulder gang. That's.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's hilarious. Was it. I mean, filming a complete. Cuz I've also done a fully nude sex scene. It's really.

[Reggie Conquest]

Sex coordinator is right there.

[Stavi]

Right there. Cuz you were naked too.

[Reggie Conquest]

Naked as hell.

[Stavi]

So did they tape your. Because what they did with me, they taped a little like, piece of paper around my dick and balls. But it was like. And this lady's just getting in there.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Just really.

[Reggie Conquest]

And they're not even like. They're like, yeah, move.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't care.

[Reggie Conquest]

It's like, yeah. It's like you go to doctor's office. Like, yeah, totally. They don't care. But yeah, same thing. Tape. And it's like, they got it tone. Like my. My skin tone. And so you look. Butt, ass naked. Totally. And you're like, oh, shit.

[Stavi]

And I don't know if you felt this way, but I don't think my dick was ever smaller her.

[Reggie Conquest]

Because you're nervous.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? My dick is completely.

[Reggie Conquest]

Bro. Everybody's like, I know you got hard. No, I did not. My dick went in my body. What are you talking about?

[Stavi]

And then you're, like, embarrassed. You're like, you don't want to be hard. But you're like, this is pathetic.

[Reggie Conquest]

It was bad.

[Stavi]

I gotta get.

[Reggie Conquest]

What is it?

[Stavi]

And you can't be seen to, you know, fluff yourself now.

[Reggie Conquest]

You're a pervert. You're just sitting there. Anytime they said cut hard, I'm like, give me my robe. Wait, so when you were on set, you were just nude the whole time? Or did they give you a robe or.

[Stavi]

They gave me a robe, but it was like a. It was a closed set. I mean, it was like, for the movie I did. So it was like just me, the director, the coordinator. Same as the same. I mean, I definitely had a robe. I'm sure I wasn't hanging out there with my dad. But it was also funny because we had to figure out how to do it. So I'm just, like, kind of contorting myself. I'm just like, like, really shifting around. Just.

[Reggie Conquest]

You always been, like, comfortable, like, taking your shirt off.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

You've always been that.

[Stavi]

If I had a. If I had even just a normal pe. Not a small dick, I'd be naked all. I wouldn't give a.

[Reggie Conquest]

If I had a big dick, I.

[Stavi]

Would just been like, yeah, what's up? You know, they would have been. They would have to tell me to pull. Put on the wall, you know, But.

[Reggie Conquest]

I never like, were you a fat kid that. That wore your shirt in the pool?

[Stavi]

I had a moment of that.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And there was something that. I don't know what when it was exactly, but I definitely overcame that. Yeah. You.

[Reggie Conquest]

You came. You overcame it. Because I would see that. I go, man, he's got it. Because I was never. I was I was the. I was. I had always wore a shirt in the pool. It wasn't until I got old, like now as an adult, where I'm like, ah, it. You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

I think there was a moment where I used to do that, and then I was. I was at, like, Six Flags or whatever one had the wave pool. Do you remember Elvis? I think it was Six Flags.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, yeah. Wave pool.

[Stavi]

I remember that. Yeah. And it was like either a class trip or like a church group trip. And I saw a fat kid in a white shirt, and I was like, that looks ridiculous. It was a moment of like, that's how I look. You see his tits? It looks like a wet T shirt contest. Yeah, for sure. It's kind of more. For sure. You're kind of more highlighting your fat tits.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, for sure.

[Stavi]

Than if you were just shirtless.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And I think I saw a kid and how stupid he looked, and I was like, whoa, I can't do that.

[Reggie Conquest]

And you realize that early. I would. I would get in the pool with my shirt on, and after a while, take it off. I'll keep it near the pool. And I get up.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh, really?

[Reggie Conquest]

Like a. Like a nightgown. But, yeah, that's. I was that kid. I was a big kid. So I was. Put that on. But, yeah, I didn't get over that until, like, until the age. Interesting.

[Stavi]

And then.

[Reggie Conquest]

And then this cure came. I was like, all right, fuck it. This is.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, that kind of.

[Reggie Conquest]

That kind of. That kind of helps helped totally now. You know what I mean? So. Yes.

[Stavi]

Were you single at the time or were you in a relationship? That's a big show that. That must have gotten you some top if you were single.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, it was. It was. It was a time. It came out during the pandemic. Oh. So it was like a time where I was like, locked up, but still was the time.

[Stavi]

Yeah. The DMS were The dms.

[Reggie Conquest]

They were.

[Stavi]

They were.

[Reggie Conquest]

They were popping. And it was a lot more gay dudes hit me up then I expected. I was like, what? I watched this. I'm like, what part? But there was a part in there I was like, oh, I can see, you know, because I say something about pressing my booty button in the scene that they roll in still. And. Yeah. And I'm like, hey, I'm kind of, you know, I'm gonna see. But I was getting so many gay messages. And then back then, you know, that's your first thing. You don't really know. So I'm just like, block.

[Stavi]

Block.

[Reggie Conquest]

But like, what now? I like, I'm like, why was I blocking? All those dudes were fans. Because they were aggressive.

[Stavi]

Like, sure.

[Reggie Conquest]

Pics and messages. And I was like, ah, this is, this is up.

[Stavi]

That's tough, dude. What was the ratio? There was at least a handful of women in there, though.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, it was a lot of women, but it was, it was that. That definitely was.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. I was like, damn.

[Stavi]

No, they're never gonna be. Be gay guys on the Internet for horniness.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, no, they're never going to outdo that. But back then I'm like, this is. But now today I'm like, why would I doing that? I could have just not respond.

[Stavi]

Of course not respond.

[Reggie Conquest]

Keep the follower. Yeah, keep the follower. They're like, this guy's a. But yeah, it was a. It was a good time. That beautiful, man.

[Stavi]

I'm. I'm very happy to hear that.

[Reggie Conquest]

I had a ball.

[Commercial Announcer]

Were you.

[Stavi]

So were you back to the pool shirt thing? Were you like, the fact you're in your family too? Like, was it.

[Reggie Conquest]

Or was it like a. I was. Yeah. I was the cousin. I was the. Yeah, I was a little fat cousin. I had another cousin, but he wasn't as fat as I was. Sure, sure, sure. He's fat as I. He's fatter than me now. Which is cool. Which is cool. Cuz he, he, he was always. Now he's big as shit and I'm smaller.

[Stavi]

But yeah, you overcame it.

[Reggie Conquest]

I definitely. And then I got all the, all the. Any black. Like Keenan.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Reggie Conquest]

Said. Believe me.

[Stavi]

Come on. I had the exact opposite of like, I'm whatever fat white comedian was on at the time. It was like, yeah, when King of Queens. I'm Kevin James.

[Reggie Conquest]

Jack Black.

[Stavi]

A huge one.

[Reggie Conquest]

Jack Black.

[Stavi]

You know, because I, I, I had before I was like, I had the same haircut but wasn't bald, so I just had Jack Black's hair. And I was like the fat. I also went to Baltimore City Public school, so it was like I was the fat white, funny white guy.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like I was.

[Stavi]

That was so I got that too.

[Reggie Conquest]

I used to get called Doug. I used to call it Get Doug Heffernan.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like, you know, but Eminem. My friends called me Dan for a while.

[Stavi]

Dan.

[Reggie Conquest]

Dan for a while. All grade I resp. They called me Dan. And then, and then like 10th grade, it stood for Dumbass.

[Stavi]

Dan.

[Reggie Conquest]

I swear to God. So Dan is my d. Dan is my character name in the Bradley Cooper movie. That's so, So I, I remember that all hit Me like, damn, bro. They was calling me Dan for a year, and I was like, huh, what's up? And it came out, and I found out 10th grade. Great.

[Stavi]

Yeah. That's so funny. And Bradley was like, yeah, I know what it stands for. Like, I did it on purpose.

[Reggie Conquest]

It's so funny, though. I got all the, Like. Oh, they call me Teddy in high school for Teddy. But, like, all the, you know, Keenan. I got all the time.

[Stavi]

Keenan is. Yeah. That's a tough one, too.

[Reggie Conquest]

So.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

I'm sure you.

[Stavi]

You know, I'm sure as a youth without the. Without the. You know.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, definitely was Keenan.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. You had a. You probably had a nice gleam in your eyes. You were probably. I was a positive.

[Reggie Conquest]

I wanted to be that dude. I wanted to be. Said the entertainer. Of course.

[Stavi]

Of course. Of course.

[Reggie Conquest]

For sure. You. Have you ever met Jack Black or any of them dudes?

[Stavi]

No, Jack. No. No. I don't think. I'm trying to think if I've met any fat heroes. Not Jack Black. I met Action Bronson, but that's kind of a Later in life.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, later. Closer.

[Stavi]

We're closer.

[Reggie Conquest]

Fat dude.

[Stavi]

Yeah, definitely. Cool.

[Reggie Conquest]

He's a grill master, too.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah. I did. I did a show we could. It was awesome. I'm trying to get him on this show, but we're trying to get it done.

[Reggie Conquest]

He wears the cool New Balance ONK shoes, too.

[Stavi]

That the thing. I am. I think he's the man. And I am jealous of. He's just 10 years, like, five years ahead of everything I want to do. Yeah. Like his show. That's delicious. Part of me's like, I should just do that.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Be like, hell, that's scrumptious.

[Reggie Conquest]

You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Just like some of the fucking knockoff version of his show. And then the new. The fact that he's got a New balance. I mean, I'm literally wearing. He sent me some. Actually. They're fucking awesome. He sent me some issues. But, yeah, he's the man. He's totally doing being a fat guy the right way.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. I don't know if I have any fat guy later in live. I don't. They all. When I was a kid.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all kids, all like, Farley John Candy, you know, Classic.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. You know, Chris Farley was. I. I remember him as a kid and being. Being a huge fan, of course. And yeah, he was. Yeah, he was the white guy fat guy that I was like, oh, Chris Farley.

[Stavi]

Just like every There was nobody who wasn't a fan of that guy. He was just so. In fact, like, he was just so funny in such a way that everybody gets.

[Reggie Conquest]

He was great. And then I. I only remember him from, like, the movies. But then later on, once I got here and I learned about snl, I knew he was on there, but I watched his episodes. I'm like, oh, this dude was great.

[Stavi]

Yeah, there was the. That Sandler Farley run was huge for me.

[Reggie Conquest]

Fat guy in la.

[Eldis]

Classic.

[Stavi]

Yeah, of course.

[Reggie Conquest]

Classic.

[Stavi]

Another great bit to do as a fat kid. Put on one of your friends. Little coats.

[Reggie Conquest]

It still hits fat guy in a little. It still hits today.

[Stavi]

That's crushing in sixth grade. Yeah. And it'll still hit today if you're desperate. Do the fat guy.

[Reggie Conquest]

A little coat guy. Little coat. So simple, so quick.

[Stavi]

Just good. Just good stuff, man. Man, I like that you went con. You picked. You say your parents, you know, you. You could have picked either name. Conquest is the cooler name.

[Reggie Conquest]

For sure.

[Stavi]

Such a sick name.

[Reggie Conquest]

For sure.

[Stavi]

It feels fake almost.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. I. I didn't realize that until I started comedy. Everybody was like, yo, is that. Sure. I don't realize how cool it was because I was so used to it.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And then everybody would ask me, but my. My first name is James.

[Stavi]

Oh, really?

[Reggie Conquest]

So my name is James Reginald McBride conquest. So it's like that.

[Stavi]

But you could have gone. You could be James McBride right now.

[Reggie Conquest]

I started out.

[Stavi]

You could be Jimmy McBride.

[Reggie Conquest]

I started. I started like. That was my first time on stage.

[Stavi]

That came up as James McBride. That's a completely different guy than Reggie Conquest.

[Reggie Conquest]

Completely different.

[Stavi]

That's fucking hilarious.

[Reggie Conquest]

Completely different government. I came up as James McBride and I kept getting asked, was I related to James McBride, the author. Author.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Reggie Conquest]

He has. It's called the Color of Water or he wrote a book.

[Stavi]

James McBride. Who the. I don't know that.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, there we go.

[Stavi]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And what was his book? It's called Water something. Go to book. Oh, yeah. What is it?

[Stavi]

Oh, the heaven.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, the color.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

The color of water. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Reggie Conquest]

So at the open mic in Philly.

[Stavi]

Damn. I started reading Heaven and Earth grocery store. And I did not like it. I actually randomly started reading his own.

[Reggie Conquest]

That's his newest book. Yeah, I brought it on Libby and. Yeah. I never even listened to it. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I did not. I did.

[Reggie Conquest]

I was like, I do audio, so.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, you do. You actually.

[Stavi]

I like to actually read on a. On a Kindle.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, I do. I've been doing audio but yeah, every. Every time I got off, they would ask me, am I related to him? Or. He's like my dad. So, like, I don't want this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think that's cool. But. And then I was like, my family already calls me Reggie.

[Stavi]

Interesting. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

So I was like, all right, I'll just go by Reggie. And I never forget, my dad was like, like, why are you. Why are you using your. And I gave you some books. Yeah. I could have been Reggie McBride.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

But I. I told him. I was like, oh, you know. Yeah. I got my name from you. I'm named after you. I was like, I want to partner my mom in my name. I just said some. He was like, all right.

[Commercial Announcer]

Like.

[Reggie Conquest]

But. Yeah, I never forget that.

[Stavi]

That's pretty. Oh. Because I would have assumed you were like that your whole life, but you just chose just. You were like, I don't like being. Being associated with James McBride.

[Reggie Conquest]

That's really all it was. Anytime somebody. My entire identity changed. I was like, I can't. I don't wanna do this. Anytime I got off and it was like, older black people, they would be like, are you related to them? And I'm like, no.

[Stavi]

Just getting annoyed at, like, a show seven times.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And you're like, that's it.

[Reggie Conquest]

I'm bombing.

[Stavi]

I'm a different guy. I'm a different guy now.

[Reggie Conquest]

I'm bombing. And then somebody comes up and says that. I'm like, no.

[Stavi]

I don't.

[Reggie Conquest]

The.

[Commercial Announcer]

This guy.

[Stavi]

I don't know.

[Reggie Conquest]

Isaac is so mad.

[Stavi]

How old were you when your parents got divorced?

[Reggie Conquest]

Divorced?

[Stavi]

They never.

[Reggie Conquest]

They never were together since I've been here, so they. They got. They're. They're super cool now, of course, but, yeah, they never were married, so.

[Stavi]

Did you have. Do you have other siblings from.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, I got five sisters. My. My dad has five girls than me. Me.

[Stavi]

Oh, wow.

[Reggie Conquest]

And then my mom has me and my brother.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Reggie Conquest]

So, yeah, me and my brother are 10 years apart.

[Stavi]

Okay, that's right. You said that, because.

[Reggie Conquest]

So I grew up. I grew up with my mom, and it was just me. Me and her. And then my brother was outside in the streets or whatever.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I go to. I go to my dad's. And they're both in Philly. Yeah, they're both in Philly.

[Stavi]

Okay, cool.

[Reggie Conquest]

But my dad was. I was my dad's only boy, so I had to do everything.

[Stavi]

That's why you were Junior Grill Master.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, that's why I was a Junior Grill Master. He would let my sister Sisters run around, do whatever they had to do. Some like seasoning. Yeah, my sister, my sister Danielle, she got to do like some seasoning and she got. But I had to carry. I had to, you know, stand there, cook it. Don't let me overcook. Oh, that's your ass. You overcook something, you drop something, that's your ass.

[Stavi]

Tough.

[Reggie Conquest]

You're on the setup crew and you're on the takedown crew. So as a, as a, like the times where I'm supposed to be in camp or doing something, he would keep me doing that.

[Stavi]

So how often he's just having barbecues?

[Reggie Conquest]

Every weekend in the summertime. Yeah, he ran it up.

[Stavi]

Wow.

[Reggie Conquest]

He ran it up in the summertime. The community. But he was the grill master.

[Stavi]

Damn.

[Reggie Conquest]

So yeah, I had to do all that.

[Stavi]

And this is just an unofficial. He's just having a barbecue.

[Reggie Conquest]

He. I forgot he had like business cards and that he had. So it be like different stuff, like.

[Stavi]

Unlicensed business that you had to work.

[Reggie Conquest]

He had, yeah, he had this business card. But he would do like the all champion games and okay, the, the city fair. Like he would do a lot of stuff.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Reggie Conquest]

So I was like, oh, okay. I had to, I had to help him. But now I don't cook at all. I don't do none of that.

[Stavi]

It's time to get back in the mix.

[Reggie Conquest]

Maybe.

[Stavi]

Yeah, maybe, bro.

[Reggie Conquest]

Maybe.

[Stavi]

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[Stavi]

Did you do anything before you were like. When you were doing stand up? What were like your first jobs?

[Reggie Conquest]

My first jobs, I worked at a furniture store.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah. Nice.

[Reggie Conquest]

I worked at these old dudes and they were so like foul. And I just remember. I just remember loving it like cuz I was younger and I was just hearing these old dudes working a warehouse.

[Stavi]

When you're like 20 is so fun.

[Reggie Conquest]

So fun.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Those dudes were so cool. You work where?

[Stavi]

I worked at a machine shop.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Which is another, you know, blue collar thing. I worked at a paint store.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And it was like the paint store was really fun because I had a great. I didn't have like a. I'm trying like it was like an old dude, but it was like a. Like a. A white stud in Baltimore. She was so awesome.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

She had her lined up.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

She was talking about how she was like, you know, she used to be a bouncer at like skate parties or some shit. And she was talking about pretending to be like a straight girl when she was younger to get.

[Reggie Conquest]

She was just a.

[Stavi]

Hilarious. She had a wife.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Working with older folks like that. I remember working at a furniture store. They would be back there. So I used to be like a kid and I would just. And they started talking about their wives, their kids.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And my co worker home, like talking about I hate this. We would be taking down furniture and it was great. I worked with a lot of older because my dad would always have me doing something like. Yeah. My first standup gig was at this place in Philly called Champagnes. Okay. And. And it was ladies night.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Reggie Conquest]

But ladies night was mel stripper night. So they made me go up. It's like one of my.

[Stavi]

Who the fuck is this fat kid?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yo, bro. It was. And these. And I was younger and these were like older women and they were like get show you that. Like they were very. They were very aggressive. I'll never forget that shit.

[Stavi]

So you're doing jokes and they're like show Us.

[Reggie Conquest]

Your penis. Yeah, bro. It was. It was brutal. It was one of my first, like, book shows. And I was all happy. And you see how you, like, you lit up. We like ladies night.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

No, it was. And I almost invited my friends.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

I was like, yo, come. It was. These dudes came in with the. The suitcases and they were. The ladies were going crazy.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

It was like three male strippers. Those ladies, like, champagnes were opening for the strippers. Yeah, that was my first, like.

[Stavi]

And it was just you?

[Reggie Conquest]

It was just me. Wow.

[Stavi]

Dude, who the booked that? That's.

[Reggie Conquest]

I forgot the dude's name, but we did. It was like a black improv group that they tried to start. Yeah. And he ended up. He was a male stripper at one point.

[Stavi]

This guy sounds awesome.

[Reggie Conquest]

And he.

[Stavi]

He. Stripper improv guy.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, he was a stripper improv dude. He booked me for. And that was my first, like, gig. That's. It was a lady. It was a bar that they turned into a ladies night.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right. And they're probably older women.

[Reggie Conquest]

They were older. They were very older and horny. And it was that. It was. I'll never forget that.

[Stavi]

You're just trying to do. And you're probably young in comedy. You're probably shitty.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, I was bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

You probably would have bombed in good circumstances.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Let alone just horny 65.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And harassing you.

[Reggie Conquest]

My last. I worked for the school district for a while. My dad got me in that. My dad got me a bunch of jobs.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Bunch of. Did you get. Did you get your job's application style or. It was like, hey, this is my.

[Stavi]

I had the machine shop. It was like a guy we knew because that was a good job.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That was like a. Too good a job for me at the time. It was like a. You know, I feel like back in.

[Reggie Conquest]

The day you could get a job, all you had to do was know somebody.

[Stavi]

Totally. Even the paints. Like, I worked for Sherwin Williams, a big company, but I knew a guy. Guy who was like. Who kind of put in a good word and, you know, whatever. But, yeah, it's. It's much harder now to just kind of, like, figure it out.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, it's like.

[Stavi]

It's that Sopranos episode where they try and shake down essentially a Starbucks. And the guy's like, look, man, you can take this money. What'll happen is I get fired, and then there'll be a new manager, and they'll just. They'll just keep reporting. There's no way. For you. They'll just keep firing us. They don't give a fuck.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And they were like, wow, there goes the neighborhood. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, you can't. There's no community anymore.

[Reggie Conquest]

No, not at all.

[Stavi]

You're unqualified.

[Reggie Conquest]

Not at all.

[Stavi]

I worked.

[Reggie Conquest]

I worked Doors. I worked, like, security at Doors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did all that just from somebody knowing somebody. Totally.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Reggie Conquest]

And the door job was. I was younger, too, and it was like an older spot.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like, beat it.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Move anyone? No, I never tossed anyone at the. At the. The old. The bar car, but they didn't listen to me.

[Stavi]

Right, Right.

[Reggie Conquest]

But I never. But when I got in the school district, I was a school policeman for, like, a year. I was. Those kids.

[Stavi]

How the. Were you a school policeman? Don't you have to be a policeman?

[Reggie Conquest]

You. Yo, bro. I don't.

[Stavi]

They give you a uniform?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

I had.

[Reggie Conquest]

I look like a cop, so my dad. My dad was a cop.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Reggie Conquest]

And that's the correlate. Like. And then he stopped. Stopped. Went to the school district. He got me in there with him. I was working for the school district for a year. I was probably, like, 24.

[Commercial Announcer]

Were you.

[Stavi]

Was that ever, like a. I'll be a school cop, then I'll be a regular cop. Did you ever think of it as.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like, I did want to be a cop. You did? I did. I. I did. I took the corrections officer test. I was this close to being corrections officer.

[Stavi]

Well, the Red Ross career path. Yes.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. I'll never forget. I was this close to me. I took the test. It was a lot. Lie detector says all this.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I seen a corrections officer in a gas station, and I was like, hey, you got any advice? And he straight was like, don't do this, man. He straight was like, don't do it, man. He's like, I can tell you. He was so honest with me. And they're calling me about the job, about to offer it to me, and I just did not pick up.

[Stavi]

Wow.

[Reggie Conquest]

And my dad was so mad. He was so mad. I did the whole process. And this dude in a gas station.

[Stavi]

Was, if it's not for this dude, you're a CEO.

[Reggie Conquest]

I was. I was going to be a CEO. I got fitted in everything. Really? Yes. That's how close I was. That's how close I was being.

[Stavi]

You went to the Philly pd, Taylor?

[Commercial Announcer]

Yes.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yes. I was so close to being a correctional officer.

[Stavi]

That's because I did I did the.

[Reggie Conquest]

School policeman stuff, right. And we were at a high school, bad high school. And you're in there fighting every day with those kids.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I was like. And then one of the guys I worked with, he was about to do it. So that's where I got the idea from. And I had started comedy at that time, like working at the school during the day and I would go to the comedy club at night. But yeah, the dude in the gas station. I remember it was a life. It was a Hess gas station on shot him Ave Hess gas station. And I asked ourselves seen. He had the black pants on with the yellow stripe.

[Stavi]

You knew? Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I was like, that's my guy.

[Stavi]

And you were, you were like kind of. You were ready for like a positive almost pep talk.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, yeah, man, it's tough, but stick with it. You. Something like that.

[Reggie Conquest]

He didn't give me any of that. He said, don't do it. You don't want to do it.

[Stavi]

And he's right.

[Reggie Conquest]

He was completely right. He was completely right.

[Stavi]

It's a horrible decision.

[Reggie Conquest]

And these people. So these correction officer people, they know my dad. So they're all. It's all city workers. So they're like, yo, why is he not. He did all. My dad was so mad. He kicked me out.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Really?

[Reggie Conquest]

He kicked me out. He was just like, get the out. It was so bad. He pulled so many. He got me in. He did. And he was so mad.

[Stavi]

He's like, get the out of my house.

[Reggie Conquest]

Get out, bro. Get the.

[Stavi]

That's hilarious.

[Reggie Conquest]

Meanwhile, my sister's a stripper.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

That's awesome.

[Stavi]

Probably making better money.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. D. Honestly.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Making better money. Money being a better force in the world than a corrections officer. Oh, a shiver is a much better. A net positive on society.

[Reggie Conquest]

So much more than I was. So when that Rick Raw came out, like, about him being a C. Oh my God. What's wrong with that? Like he was making money. Yeah.

[Stavi]

I mean that picture would have been so easy to put your head on his body too. That would have been such an easy Photoshop, bro.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh my God. Bro. Bro.

[Stavi]

That is such a good picture.

[Reggie Conquest]

I wanted to be a fireman too. Like, I want to do all the city.

[Stavi]

Interesting. Interesting.

[Reggie Conquest]

I wanted to in the fireman. I. I knew that test. That's what it was. I. I was preparing for the fireman test.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I knew that test. Cuz I was like, oh, I can be a fireman at night comic. It's better to.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Be a fireman for sure. I'm still a little bitter about that. Like, I was that. Cuz that was it. That was.

[Stavi]

Did you fail it or what?

[Reggie Conquest]

I didn't fail at the city. It was the bush. The. What is it the. The R word? What is it?

[Stavi]

The recession.

[Reggie Conquest]

Recession, yeah. Yes. The R word. That hit. And they closed all these fire stations and they put the test on hold for two years. Wow. And I was like, yeah. And that's why I decided to do the corrections officer route. But I'm so glad I talked to that dude.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

But every time I see a fire truck in Philly, I'm like, damn, it could have been me. That's one where I was like, I wanted to do that.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

One of my friends, his name is Evan, he's a fireman and he's. He's great. He's. You know, we both look at each other's lives like, man, that's cool.

[Stavi]

Of course. Hilarious. Well, you. I can't wait to get the perspective of an almost corrections officer to our fans here.

[Reggie Conquest]

Let's do it.

[Stavi]

Let's play some calls. Eldis, what do we got, buddy?

[Caller 1]

Hey, Stavi. Hey, Eldis. Hey, guess.

[Reggie Conquest]

Stop playing.

[Caller 1]

I'm in a little bit of prediction. Hey, Stavi. Hey, eldest. Hey, guess. I'm in a little bit of predicament with my aunt right now.

[Stavi]

Your aunt?

[Caller 1]

I am recently single. I'm 20 years old, and at school the other day, my sister gave me a call saying, Asking me if I'm seeing anyone, talking to anyone. I said, no. And then she said, okay, anime. Your aunt's gonna send you some photos of this girl.

[Stavi]

Girl.

[Caller 1]

Her hairdresser.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, God.

[Caller 1]

Who's 19. And Kyle, she's so pretty. And she's actually really funny. I met her today. I think you should get to know her.

[Stavi]

Whoa.

[Caller 1]

And I said, okay, this is a little weird. And I thought these were going to be photos of my aunt actively getting her hair cut and then the girls in the background. But no, this.

[Stavi]

These were like, send you that.

[Caller 1]

Beyond candid photos of this girl who's doing her job, clearly stressed out. Out. Oh, wow, she's cute. I guess. But anyway, yeah, about a week goes by and my sister's like, oh, did that girl follow you on Instagram? And no, obviously not, because this is weird. I think this is a weird situation. And then my aunt, she doesn't know that my sister told me yet. And she. She's like, oh, Kyle, like, if you need to get a haircut soon, I got you this gift card to my hair salon. Really? Like, I like my barber, my hairdresser a lot. Her name is so and so. And I was like, okay, yeah, sure, maybe when I need a haircut. But like, what do I do? Because like, not even like on like a I can't chew on my barber thing. I don't really care about that too much. Just like, I don't like this girl. She could be nice, but like, this feels weird to me. Me. I don't know. I don't know. My aunt's really old. She's like 65. I think that this feels like some like old timey way of setting up your. Your nephew kind of thing. I don't know, it's a little scary. I need your advice. How do I handle this situation? Bye.

[Caller 2]

Bye.

[Reggie Conquest]

Interesting, this guy. Wait, didn't he say she was cute?

[Stavi]

Yeah, he's 20, she's 19.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, he said she was cute. Cute. I mean, it is a little weird, your aunt setting you up.

[Stavi]

Well, the thing is, I'm not clear that this girl knows about this, right? Isn't that something?

[Reggie Conquest]

Like, well, she got, she got. Didn't the aunt get the Instagram?

[Stavi]

No. So he thought they were gonna send pictures where she's like posing or something and they're clearly like he says, sounds.

[Eldis]

Like his aunt is just running her phone at her while she's like working and cutting her.

[Reggie Conquest]

So the girl doesn't even know.

[Stavi]

Not the kind of thing where her. I was like, you're so great. You should meet my nephew. It's that like his aunt's like sneak taking pictures and then, and then being like, you should try and fuck this. And not even her because his clear, she takes the pictures, texts his sister, you think your brother would like to fuck this girl or whatever, you know what I mean? And then she tells it. It's just such a so complicated for no reason. It is very funny that the aunt hasn't explicitly said. Or maybe she did because she sent the pictures. Right? Or did the sister send the pictures?

[Eldis]

The sister sent them.

[Stavi]

So this is bizarre. Yeah, because clearly aunt was like, this girl's cute. We should set up, you know, Frank with her or whatever. And then the aunt never told him and is like, you should get your haircut here. And she's just kind of hoping it's gonna be like, you know, put the elements in play and let magic take over.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, like he's supposed to go there, no cut. And was like, hey, what's up? You know, you know, Teresa, how do you even start that conversation?

[Stavi]

Yeah, and I think What? The only thing here's what you could do if you wanted to, right? You know, maybe go get. You got a free haircut. Right. Just literally see if there's any chemistry here. I mean, look, what do you have to lose by getting a free haircut? Oh, chatting with her the way you would any kind of, kind of hairdresser.

[Reggie Conquest]

Or you could just come out and say, hey, you know my aunt, did you see her taking pictures of you? Yeah.

[Stavi]

Hey, I'm sorry, mine's weird.

[Reggie Conquest]

That's my auntie. Yeah, that's, that's sweet. I would, I would if my cuz this, this has happened and you just kind of, you just kind of ignore auntie.

[Stavi]

Yeah, of course.

[Reggie Conquest]

You're like, oh, that's sweet.

[Stavi]

But what if you wanted to the girl for real, would you ignore her?

[Reggie Conquest]

I'm going to get a cut.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Like I'm going to go get a cut. I mean like.

[Eldis]

All right, that's the thing. It is so weird. But if you're 20 and you're.

[Reggie Conquest]

Maybe you're not.

[Stavi]

Yeah. You're not a 30 year old man going and being like, so do you, do you like burritos? You know, just like nervous and blowing it weird at a hair. You're at a woman's hair salon.

[Reggie Conquest]

Or I would get, I would, I got sisters. So I would get my sisters to like go scope it out. Like hey, you check her out and bust it up with her and Right. Maybe I'll come pick you up or something. Right. We used to do stuff like that.

[Stavi]

Like that's nice.

[Reggie Conquest]

I'll pick you up and then you.

[Stavi]

Know, that's got to be, that's the advantage of having sisters.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. If your sister's cool, they should, they should be able to do it. His sister sounds cool cuz she's sending that, she's giving him the, she's kind.

[Stavi]

Of the go between. Between the aunt.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

I think you got to get your sister involved somehow if you're interested in talking to her.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's not a bad idea. That's. But yeah, I think like, but you.

[Reggie Conquest]

You can't bring up, you can't bring up that your aunt sent you pictures of her.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Probably got to keep that low. Don't even, don't even look at. If you said she's cute, fine, but don't bring up the picture thing. Bring it up.

[Stavi]

It's really funny because what if this becomes the love of your life?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And then you're like, hey, just so.

[Reggie Conquest]

You know, then you got to give Your aunt credit.

[Stavi]

And then you got to be like, hey, my aunt took weird pictures.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, that's something you say later if it works out.

[Stavi]

He's kind of like the weird beginning that's hanging over your head. Like, what if she just realized my whole family's creeps?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Something you got to release later. Like, you know, my aunt took pictures.

[Stavi]

Of you the first after. You have a real, real bond. You have to let this go. But, yeah, I mean, look, I like the sister idea. That's interesting.

[Reggie Conquest]

Get the sister involved.

[Stavi]

But worst case, like, honestly, your aunt wants to pay for a haircut for you to chat with a kind of.

[Reggie Conquest]

Nice girl he's not going to chat with either. He's just gonna go in there and get a cut. I don't think this guy. I don't. I don't know. I don't.

[Stavi]

I'm just saying I would pro. This is how I would.

[Reggie Conquest]

You go in there, you get in a cut. What's your first thing you're saying?

[Stavi]

But they just make. They're good at making convers. Like, hairdressers and strippers are the best conversationalists I've ever met because they have to do their filling time. You know, the general bullshit conversation of, like, so, you know, I'm so used.

[Reggie Conquest]

To going to barbers. We don't talk. We don't say anything. We're just like, what do you want?

[Stavi]

Yeah, the bar. The barber's a different experience than, like, the woman who cuts your hair.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Because they'll just be. You know, you'll just make small talk. I mean, I. I've had. I've had, like, you know, hair. You know, women who cut my hair just talk about literally everything. Women who try and, like, you know, Like, I've had women try and, like, get me into Christianity. Like, I've had women just, like, talk about the Ravens when I'm in Baltimore. Like, it runs the gamut of small talk.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. I never. I never went to a lady barber, so I wouldn't know that. That's interesting.

[Stavi]

No, no, this is.

[Reggie Conquest]

I. Dudes cutting his head.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Reggie Conquest]

Silence. Only dudes can touch my head.

[Stavi]

No eye contact.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah, So I don't know. That's. That. I would say, if you feel the need for a buffer, get your sister in the mix to run interference, because she's kind of already playing that part.

[Reggie Conquest]

By texting you in the middle.

[Stavi]

Yeah. And if not, just go get.

[Reggie Conquest]

And do you, like. Do you like your aunt? Like, do you. You know, is this an aunt? You Just, she's forcing her family on you or.

[Stavi]

Yeah, is your aunt cool? I know a setup is a very old fashioned, very old, very old fashioned way, but I, I don't mind it, to be honest with you. I wouldn't mind getting set up if somebody was like, hey, you should meet my. Somebody who knows you. Like, you should meet my friend. I mean, this is a little different because this is like his aunt met just a nice girl.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I was like, you should. My nephew. I'm. I'm worried he's gay. Let's find out. She's like, here, I'll pay you $500. She might be off after. You know what? She might. Chili's.

[Reggie Conquest]

She might be the cool aunt. Yeah, she could be a cool aunt, now that I think about it.

[Stavi]

Could be a cool aunt. So, yeah, just at the very least, go get the cut and see if there's even an iota of chemistry.

[Reggie Conquest]

And make sure you woofing, though. Like, make sure you need a cut. Like, go in there bad. So it'll get the conversation going. Like, you sit there and she's like, whoa, what?

[Stavi]

And that way she feels like she really did a great job on YouTube. That's a good point. All right, well, good luck, buddy. What else we got? Elders.

[Caller 2]

Hey, stuff. 36 year old dude around your same age, went to school to have a good job. Everything's cool, right? But I'm in a situation right now in a new job where I have someone that is technically on my payroll that kind of works for me, but only like one day a month. But in our interactions, everything is super cool.

[Stavi]

Oh, I wonder.

[Caller 2]

And she has definitely thrown signals my way. I haven't done any signals back because technically I'm her boss. I know it's not super cool, but her job is very temporary and she's in school about to be out of her job. I was just curious, man. Like, in your opinion, what's my move? Like, what do I do? Because there's definitely chemistry. I don't want to say that the fact that I technically am her department manager would soil us being able to pursue the chemistry between us.

[Stavi]

There's definitely.

[Caller 2]

Anyway, huh? Big, big listener of the show, big fan, and would love to hear what.

[Caller 1]

You have to say.

[Caller 2]

Thanks a lot, man. Appreciate you.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Reggie Conquest]

He's 36. Did he say how old she was?

[Stavi]

Yeah. She's also 19. He's the hairdresser on her day off.

[Eldis]

He didn't. He did say she's in school, about to be out of the job, though. And this sounds like a temporary thing.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

We're talking grad school or fudgeing college, bro. Because if there's a 22 year old, that's all. Then we've added another layer of this being weird.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

Because. Okay, the number one thing to always be honest with yourself about is when you say there is definitely chemistry. Is that true? Look deep in your soul, man. Stop.

[Reggie Conquest]

Definitely.

[Stavi]

Here's what I want you to do. Jack off. And in the seven minutes that you have clarity.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Ask yourself, do you actually have chemistry with this woman? Because. And this, this happens all the time. What. Whether it's customer service, whether it's like, I mean, you know, the biggest one obviously is sex workers, strippers, whatever. You're like, oh, I think she actually likes me. You know what I mean?

[Reggie Conquest]

She's probably just really nice.

[Stavi]

Also, co workers is a big one. How polite is this? Per. And also if she's a younger person who's at her, I guess sounds like an internship. I don't know, maybe. I hope it's not. I hope it is like grad school or something, some shit. And if that's the case, there's more leeway here. But it's like, be honest with yourself. Is this just someone who's very nice to her co workers at your job? And if that is not the. If you really think that you have some chemistry and this is a temporary job and you really don't have any, does she need a letter of recommendation from you? Is that why she's being nice? Is there some other fear factor? If you really don't have any, if there's no other factor that's making her be nice, that you guys are just loose co workers in a temporary job, then there's nothing wrong with. At the end of this.

[Reggie Conquest]

If everything checks out, she's of age and she's.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

She's. She's the right age. And. And you've in. There really is chemistry.

[Stavi]

Right, right. And let's stress that part.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Trust it. And I'd say go now. Now she's temporary. So. So if you go that route, does he have to give her another job? Give her another stay?

[Stavi]

No, definitely not. In fact, I would say the way you do this is when this is coming to an end, so that it has nothing to do with the job. You're not even coworkers anymore. You say, hey, it was great working with you. I really like spending time with you. You want to go out for a drink sometime or something like that. At the end when there's no. When there's nothing about. Especially he's saying it's about to come to an end anyway. Anyway, when she's wrapping up, that's. I think the safest bet is, like, ask somebody out. When she's out. On the way out the door, man, what if she.

[Reggie Conquest]

What if she brings up. What if she goes, hey, you want to go out sometimes? She goes, I don't know, I need a job or something? Like, what if. What if she. What if she's been playing pro quo? Yeah, like, what if.

[Stavi]

I mean, then you have another set of decisions to make.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, like, I don't know. You tell me. I mean, I don't work anywhere anymore, so, like, what if that goes.

[Stavi]

I don't really have the money to fucking go get a drink.

[Reggie Conquest]

I mean, I am interested, but I don't work here anymore. What are you gonna do about that? You gotta think about that.

[Stavi]

It's like, I don't think he has the authority to just be. To be trading pussy for jobs. It's my read on the situation. And if some. If a woman has been that explicitly, like, get me a job and I'll go to Chili's with you, I would not trust that. I would. I would say, oh, she's not trying to. She's trying to. The second the ink is dry on this. On this offer sheet, she's losing my number. But yeah, I don't know.

[Reggie Conquest]

I want to know if it's definitely chemistry.

[Stavi]

I know I would love. It would be awesome.

[Reggie Conquest]

You sound old as. When he says soil.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Would you soil us?

[Stavi]

Yeah, dude, I don't know. I think that's kind of how I would handle it. I mean, if. As long as she's not dependent on you for anything. Anything. And it really is just sort of like you're technically her supervisor, but who really gives a. At the end of it, I say, you can ask her out. It's not the craziest thing in the world.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But I would love to have some close, temporary television footage of. Of their interactions. I would love to a lot. Because we get a lot of our co. You know, co worker calls. A lot of this. I would just love to just. I would just like a close up of a woman's face when she's interacting with the guy. I don't even need to see him. I need to see her act. Her eyes. I don't even need to see your whole face. I just want to see, like, what her eyes do when he turns his back, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Do we get a role?

[Stavi]

Does the smile drop immediately? We'll see. I don't mean to be a hater. I'm just, you know, I know this can go. Good luck. Absolutely. What else we got, elders?

[Caller 2]

Hey, what up, elders? Hello, esteemed guests. I'm calling today a first time caller, long time listener. Thank you, but. So I got this conundrum. I guess so. My girlfriend and I are pretty savvy travelers. We find a lot of good deals usually end up going to some pretty amazing places on the cheap.

[Stavi]

Nice.

[Caller 2]

And I recently found myself in a situation where I am fun employed for the time being.

[Caller 1]

Right now.

[Caller 2]

It's a pretty short term thing. I'm not really sure where life is.

[Caller 1]

Going to lead me.

[Caller 2]

But my girlfriend is still in a pretty decent financial spot and that travel bug is still very active in her and she keeps showing me these deals where we could hypothetically afford something. With my situation, I have, I have a little bit of money saved up. But it's becoming a thing where I. I'm scared of like how would my family look at me?

[Stavi]

Your family? Who gives a. Taking these. Your family.

[Caller 2]

Extremely lavish trips. Not a lot, not big expense wise. But to somebody who isn't that familiar with traveling or see pictures of me and my girlfriend or on some beautiful beach or something, you know, it's just I worry if. What would that look like?

[Stavi]

What do you have a family of haters? Well, don't do that. You take care of something during the week. Wait, what? You ask your family for gas money and you're thinking about going to Tulum? Are you out of your mind?

[Reggie Conquest]

I didn't know it was that. He said family. I'm like you. Same thing. Now you like gas money though. They're going to be pissed.

[Commercial Announcer]

You can't.

[Stavi]

You can't fill up your tank to go to Marshalls, but you're going to fucking get on a Delta flight.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Nah, you can't. You can't ask your parents for gas money.

[Stavi]

Let's. Let's finish the call. But I. This is. That's fucking funny as shit.

[Caller 2]

So I just love your guys thoughts on this. Do I go with my girlfriend? Financially, the situation wouldn't be that big.

[Caller 1]

Of a hit for us.

[Caller 2]

But I just worry about the optics of it. I'd love to know your thoughts on this eldest. Don't let this guy give you a hard time.

[Caller 1]

You're fucking awesome.

[Stavi]

All right. Love you guys.

[Caller 1]

Peace out.

[Stavi]

I'll get you through the screaming process. He really does have bad judgment. Okay. I Think the answer is twofold, right? Number one, if you have money saving up, you're. You and your girl know how to do trips. You know how to travel cheap. You're not.

[Reggie Conquest]

She's controlling it. She's, you know, she picks out the cheap spots.

[Stavi]

Like if. And you're both okay with. It's not the kind of thing where you have some like, dumb bitch partner who's like, yeah, take me somewhere expensive.

[Reggie Conquest]

She's working it out and she's like, let's find in something that fits both your lifestyles.

[Stavi]

And you both, you seem to be in, like, it seems to be a really serious relationship. It's like you feel comfortable taking a bit of a financial risk because you know you're going to be with this person long term. And you're, you're saying it's not a big financial hit to take this trip. Okay, that's great. Take the trip. The second part is grow up and stop asking your fucking parents for gas money, you fucking. Yeah, loser. Yeah, it's one thing if you need it, but you don't. If you're going on. If you're even considering going on vacation and you ask your father for $40. Yeah, I mean, this makes. You honestly are making me sick right now. It's so pathetic.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. No, and you don't have to post or tell your family, like, you know, they don't have to know, but it is up if they don't know. And you're asking for, for money.

[Stavi]

Yes. I think what this is. I think what you have realized is that you are a coddled boy. Boy who still depends on his family. And look, maybe this is definitely a. This, this ignites something in me as someone who like, never. My parents never could do any. You know what I mean? Like, I couldn't even imagine asking my family for rent, let alone gas money or what. You know what I mean? Like, from a young age, I just knew my parents could never. So whenever I see someone who's like, still in, like, you know, whatever, you're in college, you're still figuring it out, you need a little help. That's one thing.

[Reggie Conquest]

But that's one thing.

[Stavi]

Yeah, you're set up to the point where you're a fucking jet, you got a travel blog with your girlfriend and you still ask for fucking gas money. It just, it just grow up. You, you, you're a little spoiled. Just be a man and just. Yeah, take the trip and stop asking your parents for money. You're. You're an adult with a job even.

[Reggie Conquest]

Though you got five if you have to ask them. I mean, Ash, ask your homies. Ask, you know, ask your homies.

[Stavi]

But he. I don't. Here's my read. He doesn't have to because he has enough money to think about going on vacation. He does it.

[Reggie Conquest]

He doesn't have.

[Stavi]

Daddy, can I have $40? Like, he does it like a. Like a hot girl asking for a purse. You know what I mean?

[Reggie Conquest]

Like, take the trip. Stop asking.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I think that's. I think that's the answer. Like, you have to decide who you are right now. Are you your own man who unders. Who's in a good relationship where you both like traveling and, you know, you can take a bit of a financial risk. Risk because you have the money saved up and this is part of your lifestyle. And by the way, you're young, you're unemployed. Now kind of is the time to travel for sure.

[Reggie Conquest]

If you absolutely take the trip.

[Stavi]

If you lock into a job that's a serious job, you might not get done. You know, this America sucks.

[Reggie Conquest]

Your girl's gonna be going on trips by herself. Go on all the trips. But.

[Stavi]

Yeah, and stop asking for money, you people. Next question, Eldis. And by the way, if you're somebody who need, you know, needs a little help every now and again, that's different. But we're talking to this guy who, you know. You know what I'm saying?

[Caller 2]

Eldis. What's up, everybody? So I got. I got a unique one. I got a friend who. Who, you know, hasn't, God bless him, hasn't gotten a lot of play throughout the years I've known this man, you know, going on talking 15 years on.

[Caller 1]

This dude since high school.

[Caller 2]

So just hasn't gotten a lot of play. No hate on him. It is what it is. But, like, his newest thing on, like, attempting to get chicks is, like drawing them. Them and posting them to his Instagram. And, like, I mean, legit taking a photo from their page and drawing it and posting it. Being like, got inspired by. At so and so to draw this beautiful picture. Yeah. And all this stuff. It's one thing already weird enough that he's doing that, but just to be honest, the dude sucks at art.

[Stavi]

Like, he sucks.

[Caller 2]

Like, it looks like, you know, fifth grade doodle.

[Stavi]

I don't know.

[Caller 2]

It's like, so bad. And so, you know, I'm just kind of, for the past couple of months, been seeing him do this and completely wrecking his, like, online aura. And the other night he posted one, and I was just like, Jesus Christ, dude. Like, like what the fuck are you talking about? So I went and I looked on his follows and the followers and the chick that he drew doesn't follow him back. He doesn't follow her. So it's made me come to this weird ass conclusion that my friend is like cyber stalking chicks and like drawing them. And it's just really weird because. Because as demented as this is, I don't think he's gotten any play from it.

[Stavi]

Yeah, no. So, yeah, like shitty pictures of strangers.

[Caller 2]

I know I gotta talk. Or maybe I don't like that's why I'm calling you. Let me know, cuz. Yeah, this is pretty insane.

[Stavi]

This is. This is nuts.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, he. Yeah, that. That's so creepy. And the fact that he can't even draw is.

[Stavi]

That's. That is the cherry on top, yo.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Damn dog. You gotta what to tell him. Tell him.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I mean imagine this is one of your friends. What if your friends is doing this?

[Reggie Conquest]

I would straight tell him. Like, no, that shit is creepy. You can't even draw. Like, you have to seriously tell him. Like, no kidding, this is bad. You should stop.

[Stavi]

You have to tell him. Not only do you need to stop, you need to pretend you had to go to rehab or something. You had to say, you have to get on insta. You have to delete all, all these. Do a post about going to like a psych a psychiatric hospital for three days and now you're on meds and you feel like yourself again. Yeah, you need to pretend this was psychotic break.

[Reggie Conquest]

This would only work if you can draw or you're super attractive.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I mean if you could draw. Yeah. If you're really, really talented and you make a really good portrait, I could see this maybe working.

[Reggie Conquest]

But he doesn't even know the girls he's drawing.

[Stavi]

Know them at all.

[Reggie Conquest]

And that's, that's, that's the crazy part.

[Eldis]

I'm going to play devil's advocate for the loser friend because like this is, you know, if it's people that it would. This would be weird if it was like people he knew in his daily life. He's just like tagging some regular. But if he's like, you know, tagging streamers and stuff, you know, people make fan art like that and they do.

[Stavi]

People think he's tagging streamers. He's probably tagging like a girl with like, you know, 8,000 followers who's hot as or something. That's my guess.

[Eldis]

But still, that is, that's like a very low level form of what I'm talking about. But it's still like, you know, didn't they say he.

[Reggie Conquest]

He sees them like out. Did they say that?

[Eldis]

I think so. It wasn't, it wasn't clear that this is like anyone from his like daily personal life. And that alone is like, you know, he's just like clout chasing through his drawing. Like.

[Stavi]

But he's making drawing.

[Eldis]

I know, but is this the only.

[Reggie Conquest]

Thing that brings them joy? I mean, is this like something that makes them happy?

[Stavi]

So you eldest, you're advocating for simping reply guying on steroids and listen, there's guys who have reply guide their way into. That happens a lot.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yes.

[Stavi]

There's an initial wave of women pretending they hate all their reply guys.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And I've been seeing a lot of recent like, like give your reply guy a chance. It's just some guy with a hot girl. And yes. Is there a way to. If he was good at drawing, is it still pathetic? And I can't co sign this behavior. If one of my friends was doing this, would I say that's awesome or would I relentlessly mock him for this? I would, I would relentlessly mock him for sure. But if he could draw and, and especially if you caught some. Someone who thinks. Who wishes she was famous but isn't, she makes her feel like, oh, I got fan art. Even though he's just, you know, whatever. She's just a twitch streamer that gets like four viewers per stream or whatever the fuck. Could it work? Maybe. But the fact that this is someone who does not to begin with. Yeah, right.

[Reggie Conquest]

He's not good. Yeah.

[Stavi]

And he's bad at drawing and he has ostensibly no relationship to these people at all.

[Reggie Conquest]

And bro, that's gonna fall back on you. Like that's your boy. Yeah, that's the other thing that's gonna.

[Stavi]

I don't want it back. Associated with it.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, that's gon. Associated with you.

[Stavi]

I don't want to.

[Reggie Conquest]

Gotta get him to stop if it's not working because it's gonna fall back on you.

[Stavi]

The fact that it sucks. Does that, does that change your opinion at all?

[Eldis]

Yes. It's not good. My.

[Stavi]

My only.

[Reggie Conquest]

My only sucks.

[Eldis]

My only point is I don't read this as pure simpery. I read it as.

[Reggie Conquest]

It.

[Eldis]

It is, it is a little. But I read it as like the fallacy of like, you know, just like, you know, hustle grind culture. Like just put your out there and like try to like you think this.

[Stavi]

Guy is trying to be a artist yeah, this ain't.

[Reggie Conquest]

He's trying to. These women.

[Stavi]

What are you talking about?

[Reggie Conquest]

I get that grind, hustle, grind culture, put it out there. And some of that needs to stop too, of course. But yeah, he's just trying to like.

[Stavi]

Is he drawing a picture of any man, even one guy?

[Reggie Conquest]

Fair?

[Stavi]

I don't know.

[Eldis]

I just.

[Stavi]

I just think this is the equivalent of being. Of buying a fucking camera and DMing hot women. Would you like to do a photo shoot? Yeah, this is like, this is that behavior, except it's like drawing them and hoping, you know, Whatever.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, yeah, I've seen that on the train where a guy or a girl or somebody is drawing something from a person across from them. But it's. It's good, but they do it quickly.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And then they show the person. Or maybe I've seen that on Instagram. I just said. I said that. Yeah, I just put Instagram. Something I've seen on Instagram. There's something I've seen. I've seen that on Instagram.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

I don't even know if it was real, but I didn't see that in real life at all.

[Stavi]

I've seen that as well. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

But, yeah, no, he's just trying to. So, yeah, you gotta just, you gotta tell him or get the. Away from him.

[Stavi]

And, And I think if he was good, this would be a potential. The same way everyone does everything to get at the end of the day.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yes, yes.

[Stavi]

Stand up. Any artist, if he's good at drawing. I do think this could be a way of him to at least get some attention. Maybe. But being bad at it. And also it's like, let's, let's, let's treat the problem at the root cause. Why are you not getting pussy?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. You wasn't getting pussy before this. What makes you think you better get pussy doing this?

[Stavi]

Right? And maybe, maybe if you, if you're, if you're committed to this, if you love drawing for real, let's take some classes before we start doing this.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And maybe let's work on ourselves a little bit. The classic incel advice we give everybody, Everyone this could, you know, we tell people, pick up a hobby and get better at it. Maybe drawing is his thing. Maybe get better at drawing. Go to the gym, buy better clothes.

[Reggie Conquest]

I don't know if you can you get better at drawing. I feel like you can or you can't.

[Stavi]

You can. It's just very hard.

[Reggie Conquest]

Okay, how about adult. Adult coloring? Adult coloring, yeah. Your boy should do that. Do some color.

[Stavi]

Don't draw if your boy.

[Reggie Conquest]

If your boys. If you're saying it sucks, you got to get them to stop. Maybe suggest something. Something else.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean, and this isn't a hater. This is his friend. You know what I mean?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

This is his friend who's being honest here.

[Reggie Conquest]

So.

[Stavi]

I don't know, Eldis. I don't. I. I do.

[Eldis]

I think either way, I'm not condoning it. I just don't. You know, I'm like, this could be a pathetic attempt to try to like.

[Stavi]

Right. Grow his following by, like, doing things.

[Eldis]

Right. Right.

[Reggie Conquest]

You guys gotta get. You gotta. You gotta get drunk or have a guy's night and just punch. Pull it out just to laugh at him with the bros. Maybe shame it out of them. Yeah. Just get. Go out one night because it's this. This letter, is this text or whatever is hilarious. This voicemail is hilarious. Get lit, get drunk and get them around a bunch of guys.

[Stavi]

I guess you guys are really backfiring, though. I have certain friends that would definitely work on. I have certain friends that I think this would cause them to dig their heels in deeper and maybe not even speak to me for like three months.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, that. That has happened happen too. But they always come back, you know, like, my friends haven't talked to me for a year and then we come back and we're good.

[Stavi]

You're right. You need to be. Either way, you need to be on record as against this.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Next question.

[Reggie Conquest]

Eldis sucks is so funny.

[Stavi]

I know. That's the part that offends him the most. Boys, boys, boys, boys, boys. It's time to get that member stiffer than it's ever been in your. Your life. That's right. Bluechew just dropped something crazy and it's time to level up. Bluechew Gold, the newest innovation from the number one chewable Ed brand. I am personally very excited about this new science. We're talking a four in one beast that's setting the gold standard for performance. Two ingredients for blood flow mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and. And body. Bluechew Gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. This is peak passion and peak performance in a single tablet. Ladies, if you're listening, send your man the link and make him a trophy husband with Bluechew Gold. Bluechew built different. Discover your [e-mail] and we've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code STOP. That's promo code STAVI. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And thank you BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. We thank you.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Caller 1]

Stop. What's up, dude? Long time. First time here. Got a little bit of a situation with the old ex girlfriend classic. So me and this girl dating for three years, broke up with one another. Kind of a mutual thing moving in different directions. But right before we broke up, she's a hockey player in college. We break up the weekend before she goes to a hockey tournament. Doesn't tell me who it's with. I assume it's with like a women's team. Come to find out when we're actually breaking up. It was with a men's team. And the guy, the captain of this team is a firefighter. It's like a police firefighter tournament that they're playing hockey. And the captain of this team is a guy who she used to be involved with. They were seeing each other before we started dating.

[Stavi]

Who cares?

[Caller 1]

And so she didn't know I put this together. I said, oh, you know, like, I recognize that name of that dude that you're playing hockey with. Like, what's the deal there? Like, I don't think that's super cool to be spending a weekend with him while, like, technically we're still dating, like, before things have cleanly ended. And so she got super defensive. Is like, there's nothing going on between us, like, blah, blah, blah. I haven't thought about him since before we started dating xyz. I'm like, okay, well, obviously none of that's true. And then as we break up a couple months later, we're still kind of connected on social media and stuff, but she just starts like dropping little hints that they're definitely seeing each other. Not like a hard launch, but like a soft launch. And so we end up talking. I moved cities a couple months ago, we end up talking. And before I leave, she was like, well, like, if you were to start dating somebody, I would hope that you would let me know before you like, hard launch them or like anything. Like, these kids are not thinking about being romantic. And like, I would really Hope that in the future, if you ever move back to my area, it would, like, work out for between us.

[Stavi]

That's.

[Caller 1]

So that's been the vibe of, like, we both realize we still have feelings for each other but are moving in different directions. And then this firefighter.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Gets on my Instagram and I. I pull up the gram. I posted an Instagram reel. Give me a follow if you want at. But I post an Instagram reel on. On Instagram.com and this likes my Instagram reel, but then blocks my account. So I obviously have a screenshot of the notification, but I'm just wondering, like, what do you think I'd do with that? This is good information to have. Do I play the cards close? Do I hold on to that information for a while? Or do I just send it to her and be like, what's the deal with your boy? Or like, ex girlfriend? Anything there. But, you know, let me know. Put this on a free episode. If you do put it on a free episode, I will subscribe to your Patreon.

[Caller 2]

And then.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Then we're in business from there, so. Looking forward to working with you.

[Stavi]

Listen, look, you're a child.

[Reggie Conquest]

This is where this comes out. Yeah.

[Stavi]

This is like, we just heard one of the most. And I went to school, and I was Spider man, but then somebody told me that he was Dr. Octopus. But I said, no, you can't beat me. I'm Spider Man. The good guy always wins.

[Reggie Conquest]

It started good, and then it just got super childish towards.

[Stavi]

But the thing is, I. It's tough because I know. I remember these feelings.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But this is like, the way I remember what it's like to be worried about. About, like, fitting in in middle school.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

It's like, dude, this is your ex. She's this guy. She him while you were dating. She feels bad about it. She's a mess. You both have bad emotional boundaries. Over. It's over. Don't. What do you mean? Hold on to this information.

[Reggie Conquest]

Didn't he move? He said he moved, right?

[Stavi]

What the are you gonna do? Oh, the guy. She's followed you on Instagram. Who cares? Yeah, it's weird. It's weird behavior on all your parts, right?

[Reggie Conquest]

Don't screenshot it. Don't send it to her.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

What does that get you? What does that get you? Be honest. Like, in what world do you think this is the big card that you throw down? You're like, aha, I knew it. Or whatever.

[Reggie Conquest]

The. He might be a messy. He's a. He is He's a messy.

[Stavi]

His feelings are hurt, Right?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And look, I get that. And you're. You want. What you want is some revenge on clearly being soft cucked and being lied to. Here's the. Here's the truth. Here's a. Here's a. Here is a universal truth. You have to learn right now. There is no satisfaction in life. Nothing good ever happens. It's all random. It's all pain. Your life will be more and more of these moments. Right? The quicker you get over this, the easier it will be going forward. This is over. Put this girl out of your head. I'm not saying you might not her. At some point it might line up.

[Reggie Conquest]

If you want to be. Continue to be messy and all that. All that. And you really like. I don't know, it might be kind of fun to go back and her. If you visit your old town.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Reggie Conquest]

If you. If she wants to cheat with you and you want to be messy, go for it.

[Stavi]

But the thing is, he's too emo. He's too wrapped up in this.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, you got to. You got to get some. Get some.

[Stavi]

You need some distance, bro. You need to completely forget about this.

[Reggie Conquest]

Get out of the hockey girls, go to a soccer girl.

[Stavi]

Yeah, for sure. I like the athlete move. But also, you have to know that, like, even her saying this to you is like an immature thing of like.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, she's messy too.

[Stavi]

She's messy. She doesn't know what her real feelings are. She probably feels guilty. She does like you, you know, but she was getting some firehouse dick. She's sliding down the pole and jumping on his. She's probably doing some of that. Like, she probably feels bad. And I've. I also remember being like 22 and doing these like, half measures where you're like, you know, we broke up, but you'll always be special to me. You know, like that where you're like, one day, if it ever works out, you know, you're lying to yourself. You know what I mean? And the. The quicker you move on, the better off you'll be. And here's the other thing. I'm not even saying it's impossible that you might link up again. But the way that happens is if you totally are over her and you guys reconnect as more mature people. Right? Even you saying all this bullshit about the real and the like.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, yeah, the liking of the real, like, Instagram is so fickle now. You don't. You're real. Y' all don't have to follow each other. It Just comes up.

[Stavi]

Well, the guy followed him. The guy's clearly.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, he did follow.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, you can move him, though.

[Stavi]

Well, he blocked the guy. Followed him like the reel and then blocked him, which is. There's just a lot of weird childishness going on here.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, you need to block that. Dude. Don't even pay attention to. To the. Like I would say, but I can see how that affects a 20 year old. I don't know how. Yeah, that.

[Commercial Announcer]

That.

[Reggie Conquest]

We didn't. We didn't have to deal with that.

[Stavi]

Listen, I fully understand where he's coming from, but I. Our job as un.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Is to tell him.

[Reggie Conquest]

As an un. I go through the same shit about that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, this is. Yeah, exactly. It's like we were there, brother, and we're telling you it's a waste of time.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, it is a waste.

[Stavi]

This is all over you. Let go of this. This woman. Like, clearly, you know, you're relatively young. You're talking about college, you know, whatever. At least I hope so. This could be.

[Reggie Conquest]

They're.

[Stavi]

They're in their 40s and these are like intermur. These are like, you know, semi pro shitty college beer league hockey teams or whatever. That would be pathetic. I hope you're young, otherwise this is one of the saddest calls we've ever gotten. But like, let it go, brother. It's all good. There's no. You have no. This is not a card to play.

[Reggie Conquest]

Let her go meet somebody in New City. Meet some other girls.

[Stavi]

Forget about this girl completely. Get her out of your head.

[Reggie Conquest]

Don't check her Instagram. I know you're checking her Instagram too.

[Stavi]

Not check her Instagram. You got to move on, bro. No contact. Move forward. You broke up amicably, right? You're holding on to this weird, like, maybe one day. The more you're doing that. How long ago is this? Did you say it was like three years ago?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, they dated for three years, I think.

[Stavi]

Oh, they dated for three years. And is that college?

[Reggie Conquest]

I see.

[Stavi]

For three years. Broke up, Move on, brother. This is a tough. This is probably his first very serious relationship. So it's gonna hurt a lot.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavi]

And you will be in pain and you will think about her, but the less you check up on her, the better you'll be. Go other girls. That's the sure way out.

[Reggie Conquest]

Absolutely.

[Stavi]

You have a fun one for us to go out on here. Eldis.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

What'S up, Stavi?

[Caller 1]

Love the show.

[Caller 2]

First time caller. So I'm a urologist. I look at around 5,000 penises every year. Just wanted to get your opinion on. There is a procedure called a hem plant that a lot of guys are saying is unethical. Essentially, it's like the silicone sheath you put under the skin gives you, like, three to four centimeters of girth, and then it pushes the penis out so flaccid. You look as long as you can possibly get. You don't really get much more length when you're. When you're completely erect, but it makes you look super hung when you're flat.

[Stavi]

Super hung.

[Caller 2]

The downside is that you have a 1 to 2% chance of getting infected. And in that case, case it, like, destroys your penis completely. So there's a couple guys doing that in Austin, New York, and it makes them a ton of money. I'm on the fence. I don't know. Would you do it? Should I do the procedure? And, you know, thanks. Like, your show, it gives me something to listen to in between prostate exams.

[Caller 1]

All right.

[Reggie Conquest]

That just made me feel like. You see how you. You watch, like, a movie and somebody gets a nutshot? That's what it makes me feel like.

[Stavi]

I'm like, 2% chance you have no cops. Yeah, I'm not doing any. I'm not doing any surgery where there's a 2% chance my dick is gone. Is eaten by bacteria, dude.

[Reggie Conquest]

And it. It said it gives you more length when you're soft. Like, who the. Who the cares about that?

[Eldis]

Looks a little meteor at the shower.

[Stavi]

It makes you think, look cooler. It's like, what are we doing here, man?

[Reggie Conquest]

I do not care about my salting.

[Stavi]

That's another part of growing up.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I have a pathetic, little, small, soft dick, and I don't give a fuck.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, no, man.

[Stavi]

Now he's asking, should he do this to himself? No, no. He's a doctor. And he's like, I. Some people are saying this is unethical. Should I do it?

[Eldis]

But he says there's doctors making bank doing this shit in Austin, New York.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I mean, I'm confused. He. He's thinking about getting the surgery?

[Stavi]

No, no, he's a doctor.

[Reggie Conquest]

He's a doctor, and he's thinking about.

[Stavi]

Adding it to his repertoire. Adding it to the main. You at his cock clinic.

[Reggie Conquest]

And he said, it makes a lot of money. If you care about dicks when you do it, if you care about the people.

[Stavi]

I mean, the thing is, though, people. I mean, a lot of cosmetic surgery does probably have a 1 or 2% chance of being catastrophic, I would assume. Right? You see, people who get Botched all the time. And I mean, if these guys, I mean, there's no medical reason to do it, obviously. Right. You just kind of of put. When did that.

[Reggie Conquest]

I never heard this. Got me feeling uncomfortable.

[Stavi]

This is new. Yeah. I mean, I hate this. As a first of all, this shows you how. I mean, the second they actually figure out making dicks bigger medically, it will be the biggest industry in the world. Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

We're going to be like, we're going to be dead and gone.

[Stavi]

They're like, we're going to put. We put packing peanuts in your. So it looks bigger while you're soft. And there's guys that like, yes, please. I want a soft.

[Reggie Conquest]

I want my D to look big. Soft, soft dick.

[Stavi]

Put some bubble wrap around, cut the skin open and wrap my dick in bubble wrap so it looks bigger.

[Reggie Conquest]

Add much length to it when it's erect.

[Stavi]

It adds a little girth, basically.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh, girth.

[Stavi]

But he's talking about 2-3 cm, which is like, you know, is that enough? And you just have a weird piece of silicone in your dick. You basically have a little. You have a little breast implant wrapped around your dick. How does that. Good. That's crazy. Now is it ethical for you to do it? I mean, if these guys want it.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And you're like, look, here's the thing. It doesn't. You can offer it, but I wouldn't make it like, you know, the, the thing of your clin. The, the whole thing.

[Reggie Conquest]

Well, I don't. He might not have to offer it. He probably, he says he seems 5,000 dicks, so they probably bringing it to him.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Reggie Conquest]

And I think if, if they're bringing it up and they want to do it, go for it.

[Eldis]

It feels like it could be a point of no return for his career. Like, you ever see those like plastic surgery shows and you're like, hold on. This guy went to medical school. He is legit, but he's got like jet black swoop tear and he's. He's dressed like, you know, like he's Ryan Secret's cousin or something. Like.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

I feel like once you're the like.

[Stavi]

Silicone doctor, when you're the implant doctor, that's hard to be taken seriously.

[Reggie Conquest]

Doctor.

[Eldis]

It's like that, that could end up just being your lane. And do you care? Do you want that? Could you make more bank off that?

[Stavi]

You could also do it in different ways where you have the practice. That's the dick plumping practice. It's different branding. It's different everything. And then you have your regular, you know.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Link with the other doctors to start a little group chat.

[Stavi]

See, now they don't want him on their corner. Dude. They're like, I fucking make the dicks bigger here, bro. Don't even think about putting silicone around other guys little ass dicks. That's my, my. I mean, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. What is this percentage? What is the. I guess my question would be compared to other procedures is 1 or 2% higher in terms of catastrophic results. Cuz if it is, then maybe it is unethical. You know what I mean? Like if usually a procedure has like a 2% chance of up but you're pushing more dangerous stuff to make more money than it is unethical. But if this is about par for the course. Course. And you're not worried about that point of no return. Which I'll just say because I think you're very right about that. You could definitely be known as the dick doctor. The like dick doctor.

[Eldis]

I. Oh, go ahead.

[Reggie Conquest]

No, I'm just trying to figure out when. When did that become a thing? When did solve penis want to be bigger?

[Stavi]

I think that's becoming a thing. Well for since man had the ability for language. Yeah, they're called him plants. That's hilarious. Oo they're doing in Beverly Hills. That's go to go to a. Go to the images. Let's see what these. Oh look, that guy's a little ass dick. Oh, so they literally just wrap some around your dick. Dude, I don't want that.

[Eldis]

Dude, I tell this guy do it. I say go for it. Make that money.

[Reggie Conquest]

I'm talking all this. I get it next week you're walking.

[Stavi]

Around just limp ass dick ever hanging.

[Eldis]

We have your number. We'll give you a call after this episode's over.

[Stavi]

Eldest wants the eldest wants the procedure. But I have 2% chance my dick is fucking pulverized. I'm not doing this.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, no, I'm not doing it either.

[Stavi]

That's crazy. I've learned to live with my little fucked up dick. I don't need to. Unless they get a foolproof or even a pill that makes your dick bigger. Fine, but I'm not doing this shit. Yeah, so anyway, good luck buddy. Reggie, that's going to do it for us.

[Reggie Conquest]

Oh man, this is fun.

[Stavi]

Thanks for coming.

[Reggie Conquest]

I'm going to have to write this down. Implant.

[Stavi]

Go follow Reggie. Watch his stuff. You've been in a bunch of stuff. The movie is coming out I think it should. I think we're going to time it. So it's around the time of the episode. Yeah, the. It's the Bradley Cooper standup movie starring Will Arnett. Is this thing on?

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah. Is this thing on that Bradley Cooper?

[Stavi]

And we didn't talk about your part at all but I'm sure you're.

[Reggie Conquest]

I'm playing a stand up.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I think I auditioned for your part actually.

[Reggie Conquest]

Really?

[Stavi]

I mean I assume there was one fat comedian part.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah, his name is Dan.

[Stavi]

I don't remember. I'll look it up. Yeah, so I had a bad. I actually did the audition in this room and I was like I that up.

[Reggie Conquest]

I remember most auditions are. I'm like I'm not getting it.

[Stavi]

I couldn't get it to. I couldn't figure out the like tripod.

[Reggie Conquest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So it kept like slipping and I tried to have like this background and I used this light but I was too close to it because I didn't want to move the camera.

[Reggie Conquest]

I do that and it's like set and forget. They'll pick me or they're not this one they happen to.

[Stavi]

So I it love it, dude. Yeah. Go watch. Go go see the movie. It's cool. It was. They filmed a lot of the sellers.

[Reggie Conquest]

Stuff on stuff on YouTube, my don't tell set and other stuff. I've been on abid and insecure all the stuff. I love it.

[Stavi]

I love it. Thanks dude. This is great and thanks guys. We will talk to you next time. Bye.

[Reggie Conquest]

Word. If you are a fighter, Modelo is your reward. So listen close. You are strong, you are fearless.

[Commercial Announcer]

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[Reggie Conquest]

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