#160 - Oops All Santas! Christmas Special w/ Mike Mitchell, Zach Cherry and Jon Gabrus

Summary

Stavvy’s World #160 — “Oops All Santas!” Christmas Special

With Mike Mitchell, Zach Cherry, Jon Gabrus
Air Date: December 22, 2025
Host: Stavros Halkias
[See timestamps in (MM:SS) format throughout]

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Overview

In this special holiday episode, Stavros Halkias welcomes comedians Mike Mitchell, Zach Cherry, and Jon Gabrus for a raucous, deeply personal, and frequently hilarious exploration of Christmas memories, fat-guy camaraderie, movie-going etiquette, CPAP struggles, and plenty of listener advice. The episode is titled "Oops All Santas!" as each guest (and Eldis, the producer) dons a Santa suit, leaning into the ongoing joke of the “Fat Cabal” of comedians plotting to dominate Hollywood. The group covers everything from “fat Santa” casting scars, to the realities of sleep apnea, to accidental slights at holiday gatherings. True to tradition, the show wraps up with Stoic, slightly deranged life advice for listeners, and a riotous holiday spirit throughout.

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Main Discussion Points & Highlights

The Fat Cabal / Oops All Santas! (00:55–03:08)

• The group jokes about assembling the most “tonnage” for a podcast, outdoing the Kelsey Brothers, and forming a “fat cabal” to take over Hollywood.
• Quote: “We are... we've started a fat cabal to take over Hollywood.” — Stavros (03:06)

Santa Typecasting & Christmas Roles (03:09–11:25)

• The comedians reminisce about always being cast as the Santa or dad as children due to their size.
  • Zach recalls needing to visit big & tall stores for school play costumes (05:12).
  • Mitchell laments being credited as “Fat Santa” on casting calls (04:43).
  • Jon Gabrus recalls being hired as Ben Franklin for a party — the fat guy’s “other” historical role (06:03).
  • Discussion about “Santa” trauma and “putting the red cowl back on”—“It is PTSD putting the red cowl back on.” — Stavros (03:50)

Ben Franklin & Air Baths (06:08–06:27)

• Ben Franklin’s predilection for “air baths” (public nudity) is discussed, as a natural pivot from fat casting.

Santa Gigs Gone Wrong (07:04–08:20)

• Anecdotes of performing as Santa at parties, often leading to painfully awkward or uncomfortable situations.
• “Five minutes in, I’m like, this is the most upsetting thing I’ve ever done.” — Mike Mitchell on being hired as Santa (05:44)

Fat Guy Inertia & Civil War (14:26–15:00)

• Stav proposes that national obesity is what’s preventing civil war: “No country over a certain BMI ever had a civil war.” — Stavros (14:36)

Movie Theater Culture Wars (15:04–25:43)

• The crew shares stories about the chaos and nostalgia of growing up attending wild, sometimes dangerous, movie theaters.
  • Baltimore/Trenton theater tales: Fights, stabbings, and smoking inside (19:55–20:48).
  • The cycle of becoming one’s own parents, complaining about noisy theater-goers (21:17–22:33).
  • Gabrus, a notorious movie theater disciplinarian: “I just tell people right away.” (21:44)
• Dismay at the evolution of movie theater etiquette post-pandemic.

Sleep Apnea, CPAP Struggles, and Fat Guy Packing Tips (26:12–34:45)

• In-depth discussion about sharing rooms and travelling with CPAPs.
  • Tips on traveling with CPAPs, loopholes with medical device rules on airlines (29:30).
  • Fat-guy packing dilemmas (packing two hoodies = whole suitcase) (29:44–30:05).
  • Fat guys’ workaround for airline baggage rules via “medical device” loopholes.
  • The struggle to find distilled water for CPAPs in bodegas (33:04).

Complaints About “Big and Tall” Fashion (35:02–38:15)

• The panel laments the state of plus-size clothing: boring color choices, lack of unique options.
  • “I like to wear… and they just don’t make it, except in tablecloths.” — Mike Mitchell (36:13)
  • Fat comedians coordinate to avoid showing up in the same rare ‘cool’ big-and-tall shirt.

Christmas on Mushrooms — The Tenet Story (38:25–41:08)

• One of Stav’s favorite adult Christmas memories involves tripping on mushrooms while trying (failingly) to comprehend Christopher Nolan’s “Tenet” with friends.
  • “Honestly the most fun is being on mushrooms trying to understand that movie.” — Stavros (38:56)
  • Eldis admits to “tripping so hard I got scared” (40:04).

Christmas Movie Traditions & Emotional Moments (41:41–44:22)

• Discussion on seeing movies and eating Chinese takeout on Christmas.
• Stav admits to getting genuinely emotional during Avatar 2, high and among strangers, crying over the Na’vi’s fictitious loss (42:30).
  • “I went from like ‘this movie's fucking stupid’ to... literally started crying.” — Stavros (42:30)

Favorite (and Weirdest) Christmas Memories (45:46–47:04)

• Comedians recount Christmas as children: memorable gifts, late Santa revelations, the tragedy of moon shoes destroyed by gravity.
  • “I put on the moon shoes and I jumped once and the snaps just broke.” — Eldis Hodge (47:04)

Holiday Meals & Heritage (49:34–52:14)

• Christmas food traditions: lobster rolls in Boston, Seven Fishes in Italian households, and the confusion of Greek Christmas traditions (50:10–51:24).

Greek Christmas vs. American Christmas (51:40–53:00)

• Humor about Greek saints, myths about “Greek priests” vs. Catholic priests.

Listener Questions & Unhinged Advice (67:12–107:00)

Caller #1 — Falsely Accused of Cheating (67:47–75:07)

Summary: A man seeks advice after a misunderstanding at a wedding leads to accusations of cheating.

• Consensus: If your girlfriend trusts you, ignore the rumor mill.
  • “If his girlfriend believes him, totally, that is what matters.” — Zach Cherry (71:26)
  • “Just cheat. That way you’re even.” (71:47, jokey suggestion by Stav/Mitch)

Caller #2 — Friend Only Invites Her to Boyfriend’s Mom’s Weird Coke Parties (75:21–84:15)

Summary: Female caller asks if she’s unreasonable for resenting all invites to her friend’s boyfriend’s mom’s pool/coke parties.

• “If you don’t want to do something, you don’t have to anymore.” — Mike Mitchell (78:17)
• Panel is fascinated (and a little disturbed) by mother/daughter-in-law coke bonds.

Caller #3 — Sunglasses Lost in Lake at Bachelor Party (85:18–90:24)

Summary: Should his friend reimburse lost sunglasses after asking a non-athletic friend to toss them into a lake?

• Overwhelming consensus: No way! It’s the owner’s fault for requesting the risky throw.
  • “If you ask someone to throw you your glasses, you are the level of wealth that you are saying, ‘Throw me my $300 glasses,’ I’m in the lake. And if that guy fucks up, that is on you, bro.” — Mike Mitchell (87:22)

Caller #4 — Coworker Does No Work, Writes Erotic Novels, Leaves All the Work (93:44–99:06)

Summary: What to do when coworker neglects their share of work to write novels/go to grad school?

• Advice: Don’t snitch. Talk directly to the person or match their slacking energy.
  • “He’s just got you by the balls... You could just also not do anything and see what happens.” — Stavros (96:10)
  • “Slackers would love to hear, ‘Hey if you do these two things every week, I’ll never bother you again.’” — Mike Mitchell (98:15)

Callback Follow-up — The Family Reunion Cheater (102:29–110:21)

Summary: A past caller clarifies her story about bringing a friend to a party, who then cheated on her husband and became a pariah.

• She argues she can’t drop her friend due to their shared history and proximity (“Five minutes down the road”).
• Group sympathizes with keeping shitty friends who are part of your life, but agrees the “plus one” made a wild move.

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Notable Quotes

• “If you look at my IMDb it’s just like Daniel Craig with James Bond and like with Santa.”
  — Eldis Hodge (04:09)
• “Imagine being credited as ‘fat Santa.’ Why is that modifier there?” — Mike Mitchell (04:43)
• “No country over a certain BMI has ever had a civil war.” — Stavros (14:36)
• “People talk about being bullied, but… not a lot of fat mass shooters. That’s why we eat.”
  — Mike Mitchell (13:41)
• “I sat down with my mom when I was like, in eighth grade… like, Santa’s not…”
  — Eldis Hodge (46:22)
• “Greek priests are the ones who don’t fuck kids, nice try.” — Stavros (50:34)
• “If you don’t want to do something, you don’t have to anymore.” — Zach Cherry (78:24)
• “Ask someone to throw you your glasses… if that guy fucks up, that is on you, bro.” — Mike Mitchell (87:22)
• “He’s just got you by the balls… you could just also not do anything…” — Stavros (96:10)
• “Just match their energy, see what happens.” — Zach Cherry (96:33)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Santa/Fat Comedian Trauma: 00:55–11:25
• Movie Theater Stories: 15:00–25:43
• CPAP/Sleep Apnea Segment: 26:12–34:45
• Big & Tall Fashion Grievances: 35:02–38:15
• Christmas on Mushrooms (Tenet): 38:25–41:08
• Christmas Movie Emotions: 41:41–44:22
• Listener Calls Begin: 67:12
  • Cheating Rumor: 67:47–75:07
  • BF’s Mom’s Coke Parties: 75:21–84:15
  • Sunglasses in Lake: 85:18–90:24
  • Time-Theft Coworker: 93:44–99:06
  • Family Reunion Cheater Recap: 102:29–110:21

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Tone & Energy

The episode is consistently high-energy, irreverent, and raucous, with unfiltered riffing on fatness, holiday tropes, and the indignities of aging and nostalgia. The group expertly blends authentic self-deprecation, “uncle at the bar” storytelling, and a genuine holiday warmth that’s both welcoming and a little bit unhinged.

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For the Uninitiated

If you haven’t listened, expect:

• Goofball confessionals blending stand-up-caliber jokes with real vulnerability.
• Advice that’s half sincere, half-surreal—never earnest for too long.
• Insight into comedian life, travel, sleep apnea struggles, and moviegoing in America—especially as a large man.
• Listener interactions that riff, roast, but ultimately invite everyone to “the cabal”—where all problems, large and small, are considered fair game.

Merry Christmas from Stavvy’s World — and remember: “Keep it twisted!”

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(Ad segments, outros, and promotional plugs have been omitted. For full comedic effect, listen along as the Santas jingle their bells, drag their CPAPs, and roast each other into the holiday night.)

Transcript

[Mike Mitchell]

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[Stavros Halkias]

Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV call in. We'll solve all. It's the holiday season, everyone. Oh, December 23rd, I believe. Isn't that right, Eldis? Oh, wow, you're playing jingle. Oh, shit, guys, it's us. We have a fifth Santa coming.

[Mike Mitchell]

The fattest one is stuck in the chimney. The four of us can make it down. Ralphie May's been up there.

[Stavros Halkias]

The ghost of Ralphie May is stuck in the chimney. I like to think that John Panette and Ralphie May are looking over us like force ghosts right now. Chris Farley, Every dead fat guy.

[Mike Mitchell]

Panette is still doing the Chinese voice, though. That's upsetting everybody.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're like, john, please. You do a Ouija board and he's still doing the voice over through Ouija boards.

[Mike Mitchell]

There is over a billion dead Chinese people in heaven with us. You got to stop.

[Eldis Hodge]

I like to think the real Santa is watching this and be like, I don't look that bad. This is disrespectful.

[Mike Mitchell]

He uses this as his before picture.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right, folks. We have potentially the most. Is this the largest podcast that's ever the most tonnage? Especially when you factor producer in. Oh, yeah, Producer to guest.

[Mike Mitchell]

This definitely beats the fucking Kelsey Brothers podcast.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not even close.

[Zach Cherry]

Especially once Jason retired, he dropped like a hundred pounds.

[Stavros Halkias]

That always pisses me off when a lineman who's fat, he's like 300 pounds within like four months, weighs like 190. And it's like, you, dude.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, because I've got myself convinced that there are just some people who are supposed to be £300 or and sometimes they're five eight.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's different on everybody. Yes. We have with the Stavi's World Christmas special.

[Eldis Hodge]

Oops.

[Stavros Halkias]

All Santas with Mike Mitchell, Zach Cherry, John Gabrius. The most. Honestly, you know, we're. We shouldn't say our secrets. But we are. We've started a fat cabal to take over Hollywood.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

I mean Mitch brings it up every day on Double Boy, so it's not so much a secret. Also, I figured it out. This guy's the fucking secret sieve. Don't tell him anything you don't want out there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Mike Mitchell]

You've got the best gossip.

[Eldis Hodge]

Always with me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't worry about it.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Zach Cherry]

You'll only tell everyone you know. And then usually also your listener.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're good people.

[Eldis Hodge]

The people I tell.

[Mike Mitchell]

The Platinum Plate Club.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you'll say maybe we should edit this out before. And you won't edit it out. Oh, fuck. Elvis has bells on his shoes too.

[Mike Mitchell]

Perfect for the audio format.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. That's what I was telling. I was saying I have him so I can keep track of Eldis. So I know. So I know where he is at all. He can never sneak up on me. This we were all saying this is. When you're a fat comedian, you do have it is ptsd. Putting the. Putting the. The red. The red cowl back on. Oh.

[Eldis Hodge]

100. I feel like if you look at my. My IMDb is like Daniel Craig's with James Bond and like with Santa.

[Stavros Halkias]

Same thing.

[Eldis Hodge]

What's the other shitty. What's the move? What's the worries. That Southern detective was the other.

[Mike Mitchell]

Oh, glass on you.

[Eldis Hodge]

It's the same thing. He has like two roles. It's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Searching for that second.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dom DeLuise. Dom DeLuise.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's a bummer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Biopic.

[Eldis Hodge]

Incredible.

[Stavros Halkias]

He learned how to sing like Dom DeLuise.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's a bummer when you get credited as fat Santa. Wait, why is that modifier there?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh yeah. I mean, starting from the first time I probably played Santa. I was probably like. Cuz it starts young because you're always the fattest kid.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So it's like. I feel like I probably played Santa in like third grade.

[Zach Cherry]

It's either Santa or the dad.

[Eldis Hodge]

Right?

[Mike Mitchell]

Because somehow fat means old.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're so right. Never talked.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Zach Cherry]

I. I remember driving with my teacher.

[Stavros Halkias]

To a big and tall store to buy a suit because I was playing the dad and they had to get me that incredible dude.

[Mike Mitchell]

Awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Holy. I did pretty good.

[Eldis Hodge]

I was my senior year. I was a Santa for my. My friend. My friend's family.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh.

[Eldis Hodge]

And then they just are just a little private gig. Just picked up.

[Stavros Halkias]

A private gig. Not even for the.

[Eldis Hodge]

His uncle was like, Santa's getting excited when, like, his nieces were sitting on my lap. I was like.

[Mike Mitchell]

I did, like, Santa for a friend's Christmas party. Like, they were like, just come be in Santa. Get drunk and, like. And, like, bullshit with people. I'm like, oh, hell yeah. And then, like, five minutes in, I'm like, this is the most upsetting thing I've ever done.

[Eldis Hodge]

I also.

[Mike Mitchell]

Oh, I just had a flashback. I played Ben Franklin for UPenn alumni Party 1 time.

[Eldis Hodge]

Ben Franklin and Santa are very close. I've also played Ben Franklin before.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's all rel. Working on a Ben Franklin script right now. I mean, truly, that is the role I was born to play about the Benjamin. I mean, check this out. I don't even need to do I have his hair. I need the little glasses.

[Eldis Hodge]

You take air baths. That was Ben Franklin's big thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

He would just air out.

[Eldis Hodge]

He would air out.

[Zach Cherry]

You know that about walk around naked.

[Eldis Hodge]

At like 3:00am yeah. Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

Oh, that's.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're getting a buzz. Unplug your shit. You don't hear that producer, it's your job to make sure the audio doesn't sound like. There we go. No, no. I guess you're just gonna have to keep your fingers on it all episode.

[Eldis Hodge]

I was only hearing bells.

[Stavros Halkias]

This isn't getting recorded at all. We just sit here in Santa costumes, like, for no reason.

[Eldis Hodge]

When I'm gone.

[Mike Mitchell]

Now this is being uploaded to a very specific gay porn site.

[Eldis Hodge]

Holy.

[Stavros Halkias]

If an hour in we start sucking each other's cars, we can make much money.

[Mike Mitchell]

Dude, I think I misread the email. I got that gum that makes your mouth water. I. I did when I heard about this stuff.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah. What. What is the. The gun that makes your mouth water.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, there's like a gun.

[Eldis Hodge]

A gun.

[Mike Mitchell]

Whenever I put this gun in my mouth, my mouth starts to water.

[Stavros Halkias]

My body craves it. My body craves the gun.

[Mike Mitchell]

Can this. Hey, officer, can I try a taste of your gun on the subway? Eat fresh. Have you gun.

[Eldis Hodge]

Make your mouth.

[Stavros Halkias]

Reaching for the fattest type of suicidal ideation possible. You see a gun in your mouth starts watering. If you said.

[Eldis Hodge]

If you said, dude went up to a coffin, poured out his gun, you go, that's making my mouth water.

[Mike Mitchell]

That would be. Are you gonna finish that gu.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, that would be. Could they. They. That might be the funniest way to make a cop uncomfortable. Cuz you're not really threatening him.

[Eldis Hodge]

You're not.

[Stavros Halkias]

You are pointing to his gun. So you got to be pretty far away. But if you're the farthest away you could be where he could still hear you and be like, that's making my mouth water.

[Eldis Hodge]

This guy's.

[Mike Mitchell]

Anyone else?

[Eldis Hodge]

Would you get in trouble for that? I wonder. I don't think.

[Mike Mitchell]

I don't know. I, I'm obsessed with those. There's like a genre of reels where guys squeeze a water bottle like they're pissing with their back to 2Co.

[Caller 1]

Whatever.

[Mike Mitchell]

And then the cops are like, what the. And they turn around, he like smiles at the water bottle and I'm like. So like, obviously only a white guy can do that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Of course. That's awesome. Yeah. And he's like, it's, it's real piss. And he starts drinking.

[Mike Mitchell]

That better be water. The cop grabs and immediately drinks it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, hell yeah. That is awesome.

[Mike Mitchell]

I mean, we chose to be Santa's, which feels very powerful here. It wasn't like, yeah, I could use the 80 bucks. Thank you, college humor.

[Stavros Halkias]

And everyone, everyone walks with a high quality Santa suit, you know, for your own uses.

[Mike Mitchell]

That's why you put it on your. You put it on your acting reel.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

Have my own Santa suit. Those guys who have like a lab coat and a police uniform.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Their headshots are them in different costumes that they can bring.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's just Santa and Jabba the Hutt for us.

[Zach Cherry]

Jabba is not even fat anymore. They're doing the skinny job.

[Eldis Hodge]

They're doing skinny. Jabba the bear is. Jabba the Bear is Jabba.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so, so fucking thank you. Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

He's like, plays. Jabba's jacked ne up. That's so. Shut up. He doesn't even speak. He speaks common or English.

[Eldis Hodge]

Speaks English, I think. Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not even in the weird fat way I, I, I want or whatever the.

[Mike Mitchell]

We must smoke cigarettes. I'm the funniest guy at the Emmys. Hey, cousin. Nobody.

[Eldis Hodge]

I'm having trauma.

[Stavros Halkias]

Isn't this interesting? Streets are fil.

[Mike Mitchell]

Philadelphia.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even cooking is about generational trauma. Shut the up.

[Eldis Hodge]

This is going in my pile of of of which I think is. It's very kind that you're gonna stay.

[Mike Mitchell]

In a room in your place.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, I'll probably, I will probably wear this to the Riad Christmas festival. You guys go to the Riyadh Christmas festival or.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's the first ever.

[Mike Mitchell]

I'm doing Whose Riad is It anyway with Drew Carey.

[Stavros Halkias]

How funny was it that Wayne Brad to that. That's so funny. He legit did do improv. I don't know what he was doing, but he did a collection of his pod. Yeah, it's just, like, the most wholesome, like, guy you could like. It's just very funny to think of him there, but, you know, anyway, congrats. Congrats, Dwayne Brady. We're excited to see what else he's got cooking. Yeah, it is. It is a beautiful time to be here. Fellowship with my Christmas brothers. What was the last time you played Santa? How about that? And then we'll move on from the topic.

[Eldis Hodge]

That's a good question.

[Mike Mitchell]

I think it was a funnier die video, like, five years ago, where I don't remember what the real premise was. I just remember at one point, I'm shitting out presents underneath a Christmas tree. It was kind of funny. And the woman who directed that then did cast me in a real commercial.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, there you go.

[Mike Mitchell]

So I'm like, that's what you hope for from doing $90 videos is that, of course, down the road, you get, like, a real paycheck. So shout out to Adriana. She's gonna appreciate me butchering her name and putting an accent on her like I'm a fucking newscaster.

[Zach Cherry]

I remember Halloween. I used to just wear it to Halloween because I didn't have any.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like that, though. I actually considered this, you know, I mean, Obviously now it's December 23rd, but I considered. I bought it on Halloween, and I considered wearing it on Halloween, but I don't know. I gotta go.

[Mike Mitchell]

Go.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got to go sub. That is a fun move, though, because it's very Nightmare before Christmas, too. You know, everyone loves, you know, no one else.

[Mike Mitchell]

No one's gonna be Santa, but everyone's gonna be dressed as Leonardo DiCaprio from one battle after another.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course, I pretty much got the robe. This is basically his. His costume. It is. Yeah. Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

All right. Yes. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He is Santa in that movie.

[Zach Cherry]

That was my takeaway.

[Mike Mitchell]

I didn't like it as much. The Santa parts took me out of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

We just can't. We can't watch any art and not see it through a Santa lens.

[Mike Mitchell]

The real bummer is that Zach thought Leonardo Caprio was Santa, and I thought that Sean Penn was Santa. So we both didn't enjoy the movie for the same reason, but also both wrong.

[Stavros Halkias]

I guess we are basically the Christmas adventurers club was the white supremacist. I guess we are sort of kind of by accident. Tipping our cap to the fake white supremacists in one battle after another.

[Eldis Hodge]

Did you figure it out? I was searching Santa in my mail to see what I could find cuz I. I know.

[Mike Mitchell]

And all you found was that naughty and nice list that you wrote.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh man. It's kind. I don't want to put this energy out there but how far are we from a Santa mass shooting where some guy has a naughty and l. You.

[Eldis Hodge]

Just an idea for something.

[Stavros Halkias]

I feel like just in a sled.

[Zach Cherry]

Have there been fat mass shooters?

[Stavros Halkias]

We got to get in there.

[Mike Mitchell]

People talk about like they're bullied. I'm like, you know, of course that is true.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that is true.

[Mike Mitchell]

Not a lot of fat mass sh. Shooters. I don't think that's why we eat.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To avoid that people should be fatter.

[Mike Mitchell]

Inertia will save the lives of innocent people.

[Eldis Hodge]

The only thing that's why they take Zepbound off the market.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's like shootings are up like crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh dude, there are some fat. They're like, like. You know how they have like ancient diseases trapped under the permafrost. It's like that bound is gonna like when some fat people get some confidence they are gonna commit crimes when they're.

[Mike Mitchell]

Not docile because of their way new std. Then fat guys start fucking. When these crusty fat guys unleash whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anime conventions are going to get the sperm they have. Yeah, no, you're right. The only thing that's going to that's stopping us from a civil war is that the country's too fat. By the way, there's literally some statistic I saw on Twitter that was like no country over a certain BMI has ever had a civil war. And I don't know if it's real or not, but I choose to believe.

[Zach Cherry]

You're welcome everyone.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's our doing folks. We're holding the country together.

[Mike Mitchell]

Definitely bringing up the overall average for sure.

[Eldis Hodge]

I saw a really anti fat guy movie last night. The Longest Walk. Have you seen it?

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, the Long Walk.

[Eldis Hodge]

The Long Walk.

[Mike Mitchell]

I loved it.

[Eldis Hodge]

I liked it. I thought it was fun.

[Mike Mitchell]

I cried my eyes out.

[Eldis Hodge]

Did you really?

[Stavros Halkias]

Just thinking about if someone made him walk that much.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

I was stressed watching it cuz I was like imagine you book a movie and it's the movie where you got to walk 13 miles a day. Like I'm not in good enough shape to play the guy that's out of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shape in this movie that gets killed first. Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

The guy with the starting gun just shoots me.

[Mike Mitchell]

And you're thankful. Oh, thank God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Zach Cherry]

When I walk now, I do think about that movie because you. Because you can't fall below whatever, three miles per hour.

[Stavros Halkias]

Three miles per hour. That's pretty quick.

[Mike Mitchell]

And I think the book is 3.5 and the movie made it three to make it four. Yeah, it's something. It's higher.

[Stavros Halkias]

What I consider jogging.

[Mike Mitchell]

That's.

[Zach Cherry]

Stephen King is a skinny, tall man. He doesn't understand.

[Stavros Halkias]

True, true.

[Mike Mitchell]

I mean, he's not great at walking. He'll step in front of a car once every 25 years.

[Zach Cherry]

Well, his speeds are high, so he thought he could make.

[Mike Mitchell]

Hated legal years. Guy did it on purpose. Wait for Stephen King across the road.

[Eldis Hodge]

The General or whatever is like this one guy isn't getting up to 4 miles per hour. We don't know what to do with.

[Mike Mitchell]

He's never even set the clock.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the loophole.

[Zach Cherry]

You never fell below because you never hit.

[Eldis Hodge]

I went on a technicality. Waddling.

[Mike Mitchell]

I can just roll downhill and keep momentum the whole way. Like the fat kid from Hook.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. If it's down here, I. I can roll to 3.0, no problem.

[Mike Mitchell]

I. Something cool behind the scenes of that movie is they shot it in order. So when your character. When they're. When a character died, they just sent them home. So actors were like losing friends over the course of the production, which was really cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's kind of nice because then you get to go home.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, I mean, that's also nice. But it is sad to lose people.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah. It's better than being in like Bulgaria for five weeks and shooting your one day at the end that they need you for.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

I saw it in at the Square amc, which was in. In the most insane movie experience I've ever had.

[Mike Mitchell]

Oh, yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

There was three pe. There were three people just talking the entire movie around me.

[Mike Mitchell]

That.

[Stavros Halkias]

That AMC is essentially like a homeless shelter.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Zach Cherry]

Especially depending on what time of day would you see it in the middle of the day?

[Eldis Hodge]

No, it was like 10pm oh, okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Two.

[Zach Cherry]

That's too late.

[Eldis Hodge]

There was three people loudly yelling what I think was rushing at each other during the whole movie. And then there. And then there was a guy who was asleep for half of it, but then he woke up and he was like, stand up for yourself. Like, saying it to the characters on the screen.

[Mike Mitchell]

That guy. That guy had a dream. Yeah, yeah. He had some. See, he's like, I'm going to turn my life around today, starting with this Movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

He started saying, shut up.

[Eldis Hodge]

And I was like, oh, good. He's yelling at the people who were talking, but he was talking to the people.

[Mike Mitchell]

Trying to sleep. Kill Seymour Hoffman's son.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

Knowledge of Hollywood on this guy, dude.

[Mike Mitchell]

When I moved from New York to la, going to movies became like such an insanely increased experience because, like going here to like before there was, I mean, 15 years ago too, there wasn't like the reserved seating and shit. So you'd be like, I gotta be two hours early to fast five in Union Square. And then you go to LA and it's like everything is like assigned seating. People. People have gotten bad again. Post pandemic. I. I don't get me started on movie theater behavior. It's when I feel like it's go off I go.

[Zach Cherry]

I go in the morning for the first showing, which is the baby and me showing at. At certain theaters. So it's just me and a bunch of single moms.

[Eldis Hodge]

I think that's actually.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean you're. You're in a relationship, but that's married. You're a married man. That's not a bad look, fellas. Cile. Single moms. I'm listening.

[Mike Mitchell]

You.

[Eldis Hodge]

You. You saw Gabri's not there in diapers, I believe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Crying Mike and his like Fin Dom, who puts him in a diaper and makes him watch movies he hates. We're getting go see Star Wars Force Awakens again.

[Mike Mitchell]

Mitch, that's called Sin Dom, right? I used to live in Brooklyn and we had the Cobble Hill Cinemas, which was like the hipster, like older people. And then there was the Regal Cinemas, Regal Union. And it was. If you walked up to the counter after a movie, before you said anything, they gave you a refund because they knew like, if you were just. If you were like white and of a certain age, they knew you were coming to complain because the vibe there was like school field trip. Every movie, no matter what movie you were at, no matter the age of the people, you felt like a teacher taking a thousand kids somewhere. It was a wild scene.

[Eldis Hodge]

I can like a lively audience. But that movie, it just was not. It didn't.

[Mike Mitchell]

A woman answered her phone, put it on speakerphone and passed it down the line to the people she was with so they could all say hi to one person. And these people were eating McDonald's with a kid. And it was in the Halloween reboot. I do like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so awesome. Awesome that it kind of makes me nostalgic though. I feel like those were the movie Theaters I grew up with, like, in Baltimore. Remember East Point? Eldis East Point. I mean, now they've actually. Somebody bought it and made it like one of those assigned seating theaters. But, dude, growing up, like, legitimately, people smoked cigarettes in the movie theater. And one time our friend did. That's when you felt like, whoa, we're becoming like. You feel the circle of flowers.

[Mike Mitchell]

We're the dirt bags now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Where my friend just like, sparked up. We're like, dude, what are you doing? He's just smoking. I was like, hell. And then, then I was. I. I saw f. The first Fast and the Furious. I saw it there. Oh, and everyone was so jacked. Somebody stabbed a guy.

[Eldis Hodge]

And so.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so we just had to like, wait until the police kind of cleared everything out before we could leave.

[Eldis Hodge]

Watching the rest of Fast and Furious white tape on the coverage.

[Zach Cherry]

That was a regular occurrence at. At my movie theater growing up. That was a semi regular occurrence.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah.

[Zach Cherry]

We're not even. I grew up in Trenton, but not even in Trenton.

[Stavros Halkias]

This was like outside. Hell yeah, dude. Nice. Oh, man.

[Mike Mitchell]

Glad you made.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude, you made it out of that lifestyle. Yeah. When I. When I hear that's. I do rarely feel kindred. A kindred spirit. When I say I grew up in Baltimore, people try and like, oh, yeah, but Trenton, it's the Baltimore of New Jersey. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

The thing you described, that life cycle of when you were a kid, things you remember your parents bitching about you're doing now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

Like when you're like, these kids are like, your mom or dad is like, these kids don't know how to behave. And then like five years later, later you realize you're those.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're those. Yeah, absolutely.

[Mike Mitchell]

Great.

[Zach Cherry]

And then. And then 20 years later, you're your dad.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yes.

[Zach Cherry]

My dad was a big. Tell other people to be quiet in the movie theater guy. And for 20 years I was like, dad, stop.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're embarrassing me.

[Zach Cherry]

And now I'm that. I'm that.

[Eldis Hodge]

Oh, I do it. I'll tell people right away.

[Mike Mitchell]

She's almost looking for it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

I sat down with him one time at the Vista and he was like.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is like, this is the best of a guy from Boston. Can use his, like, stand your ground tendencies. Like, at least he can bring a cost teenager in the movie theater. Not like with his gun, you know, like in his. In his heart. It's like what he was bred to do was like a cost black teenagers on the street. And Mitch's like, no, no, no, I'm a good guy. I just yell at people at the movie theater.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah. You bring your assistant football coach energy to the anc?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

There were two teenage kids in theater last night. They were acting fine. They were great. And I didn't.

[Mike Mitchell]

You checked on the teenage boys when you first got there?

[Stavros Halkias]

Did you. Did you give them a candy?

[Eldis Hodge]

Well, I was dressed in my Santa suit.

[Mike Mitchell]

You had your other Santa suit on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mitch came here, changed out of his movie Santa suit and put on his podcast Santa suit.

[Mike Mitchell]

A Santa suit for all occasions.

[Stavros Halkias]

You guys.

[Eldis Hodge]

You guys heard the reindeer hooves when I first arrived.

[Stavros Halkias]

I won't, like, I actually won't do it to kids, but if it's a cuz then I feel like this is kids being kids. Whatever. But if it's someone my age, I get. I get. I become like you were my. My Eastern European programming to just fight anyone that annoys you kicks in. And I re. It's a real problem because I'm gonna get my ass kicked at some point.

[Mike Mitchell]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because I'm not strong. I'm fat as shit. Like, but I just. I'm off at the mouth where I can't stand. You know what I mean?

[Mike Mitchell]

You're so in the right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Mike Mitchell]

That's the thing though. So if you got telling someone to be quiet, you're at least like. Well, I. You were objectively in the right. So you're the sympath. Totally hurt victim. The whole.

[Stavros Halkias]

Empowered by righteous self righteousness.

[Eldis Hodge]

They get mad at you even if you are in the. They don't care anymore. That's like. Especially. I love to do it in LA because it is just people like, it's movie dorks going to theaters and they.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh yeah. You feel like an alpha at the Vista.

[Eldis Hodge]

Oh, 100%.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, get the out of the way nerds. You know what I mean?

[Eldis Hodge]

It's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like guys that are older fat. Anyone older than us is in horrific shape.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And anyone younger than us is such a coward. That is like just so easy to feel like a.

[Mike Mitchell]

Those guys can't fight in their two small denim jackets.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you ain't an L anymore, pal. Go ahead and make the xl.

[Mike Mitchell]

Button that. Yeah, let me see you button that kid.

[Eldis Hodge]

It's the ghost of. Of Christmas futures for me. Where they're like, they're like 15 years older than me and they like are using waking CPAPs just during the movie.

[Mike Mitchell]

They fill their CPAB with popcorn.

[Eldis Hodge]

The heater is popping the popcor.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Mike Mitchell]

Every time I see a CPAP, I think of you guys. I saw this. I got served an Instagram reel where Shaq is wearing like a full blown aquarium helmet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's a CPAP that goes like over his whole head like an old scuba mask. It was crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've seen it there emails. In the emails, your doctor begs you to get one.

[Mike Mitchell]

That's the other time I see a lot of it. I was blown away that I didn't have sleep apnea. I did sleep trials.

[Stavros Halkias]

You did?

[Eldis Hodge]

Because CPAP user. I don't know if you.

[Zach Cherry]

Proponent.

[Stavros Halkias]

Eldis absolutely needs one. I hear him when we sign up. Like when we were. When we would like pass out and this was in our 20s.

[Eldis Hodge]

Elvis would be like a shaking of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bells and Ellis sleeps on. Like.

[Zach Cherry]

That'S one of the diagnostic criteria.

[Mike Mitchell]

Dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like he's dying. Remember when my brother slept in the same bed as you and he. What was it?

[Caller 2]

I. I slept in a room with Stav's brother.

[Stavros Halkias]

Brother.

[Caller 2]

On the trip we were on and I woke up in the morning he was just, like, up in his bed, like, leaning on his shoulder, looking at me. He was like, you have sleep apnea.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just waiting for hours to tell Eld you have sleep apnea. You ruined my night's sleep.

[Zach Cherry]

Before I had to see App, it was a benefit because I would always get the solo room and bed when I was traveling with friends because nobody wanted that.

[Mike Mitchell]

Used to happen on the Doughboys tours when I'd go on. But then Nick was like, we stayed at that Airbnb in, like, Arizona one time before you guys had Emma and stuff. So it was like. And Nick was like, I'm not fucking. And I'm like, I could sleep through anything. I just, like, in the middle of the night, I was like, I am so fucking scared. You know when, like, coyotes get into a garbage can? Sounded like that. It was like it had, like, 11. It was like harmonizing octaves of like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

Harmonizing is a good way to put it. The bad thing to be the bad sleeper. When he's a guy who puts on sunglasses at 10pm and then has, like, fluorescent lights, he does, like, light light treatment therapy and all that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

And I'm the guy who's more up.

[Mike Mitchell]

I'm really good at sleeping. It's like, the only thing I can, like, go. I could sleep in most places, no matter what the light.

[Eldis Hodge]

Not a napper either.

[Mike Mitchell]

Not a napper, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's good for you.

[Mike Mitchell]

I can wake up when I have to wake. I can fall asleep. Like, I'm pretty good at it, I expect.

[Stavros Halkias]

I wish I could. I still can. I still sleep is still, you know, fucking annoying for me. And it sucks because you get the CPAP in the first couple months, you're like, I'm a new man.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then you just adjust.

[Mike Mitchell]

You even out, feel like shit.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're just like, well, now I won't die in my sleep, but I still feel like shit every fucking night.

[Eldis Hodge]

Almost adventure. It feels like an adventure that you might not wake up the next morning.

[Stavros Halkias]

It took that joy for me.

[Mike Mitchell]

Well, the CPAP is fixing a symptom of something else we could probably fix if we had to. I got the CPAP squared away. I think I just need 11 more pills to survive.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I love my pills to counteract the injection I take to hopefully stop me from getting fatter.

[Eldis Hodge]

You are a CPAP guy, though, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

I am, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

What you got?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you know, let's talk. Let's talk shop.

[Mike Mitchell]

You should have.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm a Rice Med guy.

[Mike Mitchell]

We gotta get him to sponsor this episode. Let's send it to him as a spec.

[Caller 1]

Absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep. And I got the travel one. You got to go travel.

[Eldis Hodge]

You both have the travel, you got to go travel one. Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

The big one, though.

[Eldis Hodge]

I brought the whole. I bought the whole. The whole big boy with me.

[Mike Mitchell]

This is a fat guy problem I want to talk to you about, please. If I travel in east, it's. It's Christmas season, so it's a little cool in. In New York.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

If I pack two hoodies and two pairs of pants. I need a second suit, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's brutal.

[Mike Mitchell]

It does not fold up. So I'm imagining a CPAP2 New England Medical device loophole.

[Zach Cherry]

Doesn't count as a carry on.

[Eldis Hodge]

This is true.

[Zach Cherry]

It's a medical device loophole. And you can put stuff in the carrier. Extra stuff.

[Mike Mitchell]

You put them in the mask.

[Zach Cherry]

Literally, when I go to the airport.

[Mike Mitchell]

And I go in the airport in the airplane, like I did once.

[Zach Cherry]

I flew to Australia, and I did once.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you.

[Zach Cherry]

It's a whole process. You have to get it cleared with the airline. And like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, really? I don't do any of that.

[Zach Cherry]

They don't want you to, like, short out their system.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow. So this guy is so fat, napping might take down an airplane. He might be napping so hard and fat lean that it will Destroy a Boeing 747.

[Mike Mitchell]

Listen. You hear they play, like, the phone recording of the guy saying, let's roll. Like it's 9 11, but it's my mask off. The blood black box is just Zach snoring as the thing crashes.

[Eldis Hodge]

A tiger shark with a. No, like a nozzle coming out of his mouth.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, dude. I have definitely on. On long flights, I feel like I did that. I think I tried it when I went to Venice. And then anytime it's. If I get a. If I get a, like, lay flat. Yeah, if I get a lay flat and it's a long flight, the CPAP's coming out, brother.

[Eldis Hodge]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't give.

[Eldis Hodge]

I don't have.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have no shame stream about bang up in the. I don't give a. I think people.

[Mike Mitchell]

Would prefer that to hearing you snore in first class, which I think I did on the flight out here because I. I snapped awake at one point, and I looked around, and I was like, I'm bothering people.

[Stavros Halkias]

I got the vibe.

[Zach Cherry]

I feel like the plane is loud enough.

[Mike Mitchell]

You're.

[Zach Cherry]

You're in the clear.

[Mike Mitchell]

And most people are.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, well, I think.

[Eldis Hodge]

I think the Place Are you shirt off with the CPAP mask on.

[Mike Mitchell]

Shirt off on the plane. Wait, are you allowed to take your shirt off? You can do whatever you want.

[Eldis Hodge]

It would be budget version of Dark Knight Rises beginning where you got the thing on. I, I, I never, I'm embarrassed by it. And I also didn't know that you could actually plug in. I thought that it was.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you can plug in, brother.

[Eldis Hodge]

You can do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Eldis Hodge]

But what do you do? Oh, you guys have the cartridges. You right don't. They aren't for traveling about water. Yes. Yeah, you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I go dry. I don't even usually go dry.

[Zach Cherry]

No, I have the little cartridge.

[Stavros Halkias]

I, I just go dry. I don't give a.

[Mike Mitchell]

CPAP in the wreckage.

[Eldis Hodge]

I, I can't, I can't go dry. Well, I can't with CPAPs. I can't go dry.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, I can't go dry with everything else. I can go so used to dry.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, when you got such a little ass dick. It's dry and feels smaller. There's friction. You thought, you thought, you thought the girl you're dating is tight. You just have, you are so bad at turning her on. She's just completely dry. Yeah, no, I, I trained myself to go dry. To be, to be able to, to go whenever studied the way of the dry, the dry of the dry cpap. Because I got tired of looking for distilled water on the road.

[Eldis Hodge]

That's. I did that my first night and we went and yeah, not you did that.

[Mike Mitchell]

We all did that. Cuz we had to go with you.

[Eldis Hodge]

In D.C. we went to a pretty scary 7 11.

[Mike Mitchell]

We went to a place where I had to go like full like old fashioned masculinity and like stand in between Emma and Amelia and this unhoused guy who was shadow boxing the window. I guess it's not called shad boxing if you're hitting something.

[Eldis Hodge]

He, he was, he was, for him. He was, he was sleeping in front of the seven and then followed us in and it was not, it was for my cpap. And then the first night, distilled water to get distilled water.

[Stavros Halkias]

Better water than he drinks. Breathe in.

[Eldis Hodge]

And then I went to a bodega here because I'm staying at the Arlo in Soho and I walked to a bodega and I, I'm sure that they bodegas get fat guys. You got, I was like, you got water? And they're like, yeah, we got plenty. Where I was like, distilled water. He's like, no, you're Going to go to this other bodega and it was like two miles away. It sucked. It was awful.

[Stavros Halkias]

But that's. You don't go from.

[Mike Mitchell]

So to get distilled water.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Zach Cherry]

There's no way you had to walk two miles.

[Stavros Halkias]

Distilled water.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah. He was like, it's right over there by the salad.

[Eldis Hodge]

Grab.

[Mike Mitchell]

Grab anything you want while you're over there. This one's on the house.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's a bottle. Yeah, there's a bot. There's one bottle of distilled water under this kale. Eat your way through it and you can it like a bigger loser.

[Eldis Hodge]

Biggest loser contest.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll call an Uber to the other one. Thank you. Chop cheese to go, sir.

[Eldis Hodge]

That's all I need.

[Stavros Halkias]

Uber.

[Mike Mitchell]

Imagine you could order Uber and Postmates in one where the guy picks up the food, then picks you up in the car. Oh, and you get to eat in his back seat like a king.

[Zach Cherry]

Cut this part out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cut this part out.

[Mike Mitchell]

Another sponsor that we. We're making spec ads now. We're just creating business. Hello, Sharks. We're four. Santa Claus.

[Eldis Hodge]

The whale sharks. See if your idea is fat enough.

[Mike Mitchell]

For the four of us.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I would love that. Fat only businesses in America. Now we're talking. We should.

[Mike Mitchell]

Oh, we should just launch a Big and Tall line that just doesn't have those words in the title.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Mike Mitchell]

I would shop there in a heartbeat.

[Zach Cherry]

Fat and long.

[Eldis Hodge]

Fat.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like that. Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

What is it? The bone. What is the. What is a.

[Zach Cherry]

He's the Big and tall brand that I. That I rock.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're looking good. You're looking good.

[Zach Cherry]

Coming in.

[Mike Mitchell]

Came in head to toe.

[Stavros Halkias]

I might have to get up myself. I might have to get up. They. She bleeped that out. No free promo.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Actually, yeah. They need to cut my man Zach a check, dude. They need to come on.

[Zach Cherry]

No, they know I'm out here rocking it, so.

[Caller 2]

But I will be looking at it later.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah. Eldis is on there right now.

[Mike Mitchell]

My problem stopped.

[Stavros Halkias]

His computer's on the website GarageBand. To go on the One Bone website, we have to use, like, the shitty, like, audio from the camera. Sound like.

[Mike Mitchell]

My problem with Big and tall clothes is that they're. They always do subdue subdued colors, right? It's always like beiges and blacks and grays and I. I like to wear. I'm a PE class guy and they just don't make it. Except in, like, tablecloths.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, absolutely.

[Mike Mitchell]

I have to buy, like, curtains and wear them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even the old. They'll have a Cool thing. But it's like, then every fat guy you see has that shirt.

[Zach Cherry]

It's only the one pattern.

[Eldis Hodge]

It's the one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Tim Dillon have had the same polo like shirt. I see. I'm like, oh, there. Or Foley. We just did. Are you garbage? When I see my fat friends that go hit the big and tall a little sooner than me, I'm like, ooh, I have to go check that. I have to go get that shit shirt and coordinate with them so that I don't wear it at the same place.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, before we were friends, I mean, I've been following you for years. You definitely wore a shirt where I'm like, well, I put mine in retirement. God forbid we're ever on the same lineup and we have the same shirt.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're going to have to.

[Mike Mitchell]

We can't even like, touch each other.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Mike Mitchell]

The time continuum will shut down.

[Stavros Halkias]

When I was slightly less fat and I was actually. I'm probably back there now. The Old Navy 2X. The move was you get to Old Navy the day the new shirts come out. So. And you wear them that week and you put them away before every fat guy on earth gets them. But the first, if you get them fresh, they had some good stuff. Old man.

[Mike Mitchell]

You take like three Instagram photos so you can like, get ownership off of im.

[Stavros Halkias]

I take a picture, I mail it.

[Mike Mitchell]

To myself holding the newspaper like, you're a kidnapping.

[Eldis Hodge]

I. I was. I was at this comic book store the other day and there was a Friday the 13th sweatshirt. And I was like, can I get that in 3x? And they were like, we don't have 3x. And you're like, to not be able to get a comic book shop 3x sweatshirt is so insulting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

I was like, how about that Halloween one? Like, no, only two X. And I was like, all right, this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Come on, guys.

[Eldis Hodge]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who are you kidding?

[Eldis Hodge]

I know. Yeah. I mean, it's. It is. It's the Christmas season. It's the Christmas season. So I'm sure there was a lot of people buying it for Halloween. Of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's the Christmas.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're buying presents for their. For their Halloween fanatic loved ones.

[Mike Mitchell]

This is really complicated because we are technically doing a tenant episode as well. Cuz Zach and I are traveling from Christmas towards Halloween and you guys are living from. Towards Christmas.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude. You know, I tie this in. That was our. During the. Me and my brothers had a. We would just. On Christmas, we would take mushrooms and go to the like. Or acid and go to the movie theaters for a couple years. Then the pandemic happened. And the one year where my brothers eldest. All our friends came to my apartment in Queens and took mushrooms. We watched Tenet. It was the fucking bet. Cause it's like that movie make sense sober.

[Mike Mitchell]

I've seen that movie six times and I could not explain it to anyone. And I fucking love it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And we were just so. That was one of my best Christmas memories, actually was. Was just being on mushrooms just fucked up, not understanding anything. My brother was trolling all of us. My brother. We started at one point. Everyone was on mushrooms and we're trying to. My brother started reading the subtitles before the characters could read it. And then we. It just became five guys being like. And then we said.

[Mike Mitchell]

And then we.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who can race to read. To read the subtitles faster? And then. And then he. My brother was like explaining the plot. No one wants to. And he was like. He said it was Jason Bateman was in the movie, which he wasn't. But he said like, the redhead guy was Jason Bateman. And then he said, yeah. And then Denzel's son, he's. They're. They're in a company called Omnicron. He's just making up like. Like fe. What it feasibly could have been because everyone else was. Brain was so fried. We're like, oh, really? It's Omnicron. It was honestly the most fun being on mushrooms. Trying to understand that movie. One of your friends fucking with you eldest. You got really fucked up, remember?

[Caller 2]

Yeah, I got. I got like. I was tripping so hard. I got scared.

[Mike Mitchell]

Like, I remember.

[Caller 2]

I remember at one point, after, like the crazy initial wave, it was like three or four hours in. I was just on the couch, like doing this with my toes for like two hours.

[Stavros Halkias]

Was like fucking like a cat.

[Eldis Hodge]

I love the jingles as he's doing it.

[Zach Cherry]

I was like, bells on, but you could hear them.

[Stavros Halkias]

He was rubbing his feet literally like this.

[Caller 2]

I was literally like cuddled up next to our friend Big P and like, just squeezing my. Like rubbing my feet together.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're like, that's me now. Yeah. We were all scared. He's eldest.

[Mike Mitchell]

I don't want to meet the guy in your friend group who has the name Big in their name. Would you like to watch?

[Stavros Halkias]

Anybody want to serious Big to be.

[Eldis Hodge]

Is that smiles with the guy who you can't see who's above the screen.

[Mike Mitchell]

Only his chest is in the movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Shout out to tenant. Shout out to. Shout out to. Going. Taking mushrooms and going to the movies on Christmas. Dude, I'm just about to say.

[Mike Mitchell]

How disheartened would your parents be to be like. My number one Christmas memory is being in my 30s with my friends tripping.

[Stavros Halkias]

During a global pandemic. Yeah, that's a little. That's what we would call an indictment on their parenting.

[Mike Mitchell]

My best. Like last Christmas, I. I just went to go see Godzilla minus one with Ben Rogers. The two of us on Christmas morning. And then I picked up Chinese food for myself and went home. It's one of the best Christmas I've ever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome, dude.

[Zach Cherry]

Yeah, Christmas movie is great. Christmas movie is. Is wonderful.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shout out to people.

[Mike Mitchell]

Christmas figured it out. 100% Chinese food and a movie on Christmas.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, I actually feel bad doing that now because I feel like I'm stealing Jewish culture. I really do. Because, like, they really nailed it. And now it's like, it's like, it's kind of like that's their. I should be with my family. But they're, you know, I don't want to be. So I'm at the movie theater. I mean, the last one I was. It was Avatar. Oh, hell yeah. I was. I went from like, I was laughing, I was like, this movie's fucking stupid. And then like when his son dies, I literally started crying. I'm bawling. I'm like, no, it's beautiful.

[Eldis Hodge]

You love.

[Zach Cherry]

I'm the only. I'm an. I liked Avatar. It doesn't make me emotional.

[Eldis Hodge]

Did you see two or not?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, One I didn't like when it first came out. I mean, I was in college and I was kind of in my. Pretending to be a movie snob. I mean, I was pumped for it, don't get me wrong. And I went with my brother and you know, the first one come out, literally, I was in college and we were like, hell yeah, James Cameron. This is going to be the sickest action movie. And then me and my brother, it was just that moment where we're like, this is kind of fucking stupid in every moment. And then when they finally fuck with the tree, like they put their tree pussies together. Like they, they put their fucking hair dicks in the tree pussy. And then like each other through that, we lost. We were just dying, laughing. And now I will say the fight scenes were fucking sick as shit. I wish I could have watched like a 40 minute. Just cut out all the talking.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And let me see all the fights. But the second one I watched on so many mushrooms that to me it's again one of the Best movies. That's how I feel about all the new Star Wars. I know everyone hates them. They're the best movies. Some of the best movies ever seen in my life because I went so on acid that it's the. It's a great experience.

[Eldis Hodge]

If you watch it sober, you will think they're bad.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will never do that. When I'm an adult. I'm an adult and the only way I should watch those movies is on acid.

[Mike Mitchell]

Way of the water came out and I watched it on. On the Friday that it came out on edibles and then went back on Saturday by myself. Ate a 8 the mushrooms and sat down with the glasses on and the movie ended. And I go. I don't even know if I tripped. It's kind of hard to tell. What do you. I don't think I got to.

[Stavros Halkias]

When you're in a movie, you're like, am I tripping yet? And then it hits you. You're like, oh, I am.

[Eldis Hodge]

Now let's be honest. Who here went out for P. Con the mighty Tun.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm so pissed. I. I lost out on that.

[Mike Mitchell]

But they cast me just for the motion capture all the balls and just float around.

[Eldis Hodge]

When the. When the. When the subtitles from of the whale pops up on the screen, it's a moment where I.

[Mike Mitchell]

In like that weird font, the cypress font.

[Eldis Hodge]

I loved it. I like. I think a lot of people turned on the movie then, but I not.

[Mike Mitchell]

What electrified it for me is when they said she's a beautiful singer. When they were talking about P. As if they. Her hobbies. Beautiful singer.

[Zach Cherry]

Pycon's a lady.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pycon's a woman.

[Eldis Hodge]

Maybe Pycon was talking about his. His. His girlfriend or something.

[Mike Mitchell]

Gets Pycon's mom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who the mighty tail coon gets.

[Eldis Hodge]

I mean they have to reproduce. It's got to happen.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Mike Mitchell]

Imagine how a few walls you could hit a mighty. You'd have.

[Zach Cherry]

You'd have to climb fully inside.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

[Zach Cherry]

Swim up the canal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

That's the best version of it. It sounds like.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, that's what I do anyway. I go feet first into women. Slide them up like a sleeping bag till my feet are in their arms wearing her like feedy pajamas. Still can't make her come.

[Stavros Halkias]

Have you busted? Yeah, just hurry up and bust.

[Mike Mitchell]

This is. You should have taken your sneakers off.

[Stavros Halkias]

What are some other. Okay, so what are. How about we go. It's. It is Christmas season after all. What are some favorite Christmas memories? As boys? As men? Either one I said, my adult one.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah. I remember I asked for Moon Shoes, which were the Nickelodeon bouncing shoes. And my mom, I. I just didn't get them one Christmas. And then she. She, like, four years later, I was in. I was like, 13, 14. She's. I opened up a present. It was Moon Shoes. She's like, they're up in the attic. I forgot to give them to you, like, four years ago or whatever.

[Mike Mitchell]

And I was like, holy. And that's when you found out Santa wasn't real, too.

[Eldis Hodge]

I had way too late of a. Santa isn't real. My mom. I, like, I sat down with my mom when I was, like, in eighth grade.

[Mike Mitchell]

No, it was. You have an older sibling.

[Eldis Hodge]

I have an older sibling. Older sibling. But I was like. I sat down. I was like. I was like, santa's not. I think it was also. She was like, it's time for this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Kid to come on, man. You're 13.

[Eldis Hodge]

You should.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have pubes.

[Eldis Hodge]

Once you have pubes, you should not believe in Santa anymore.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. I would say much earlier than that.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah. That's why Italian Greek kids learn at, like, 9.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

I think I always believe in the spirit of Christmas is where. But I put on the. I put on the moon shoes and I jumped once. The snaps just broke.

[Stavros Halkias]

A little too on the nose.

[Eldis Hodge]

Gained, like, enough weight that it was just like.

[Zach Cherry]

Would they have survived if you had gotten.

[Eldis Hodge]

Probably not. It probably would have been still. It probably still would have snapped. It was, like, immediate. And then I remember I doubled. There's extra snaps. So I like, doubled up the snaps and I was able to bounce around.

[Mike Mitchell]

It is funny that gravity broke your moon shoes. Yeah. There's an irony there.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that. Moon Shoes is pretty good.

[Eldis Hodge]

We watch, we watch. We'll watch. Watch a Christmas. I'll watch a Christmas movie with my mom and sister now, like, which is now worse because it used to be. The plus side of. Of being in SAG is they give you, like, good DVDs, screeners, and.

[Mike Mitchell]

And now you got to try to, like, log in with that. Six authentication apps on your mom's tv. And your mom doesn't even know how to turn her own TV on.

[Eldis Hodge]

That is another thing that always happens. The basement tv, she doesn't know how to turn it on.

[Mike Mitchell]

My mom. My mom calls my bro. My brothers, unfortunately for them, live near my mom. Like, so she's, like, leaning on them so much. My mom called my brother one time and asked, how can I tell if my TV is on?

[Zach Cherry]

I'm watching the news, but I can't tell.

[Mike Mitchell]

My brother's like. My brother's like, I don't even know what you are asking. Look at the tv. She's like, well, there's nothing on the screen. He's like, so it's probably off. She goes, but it seems on. He's like, he's. He hangs out with her and immediately calls me. He's like, you're not going to believe.

[Eldis Hodge]

I like.

[Mike Mitchell]

We have to 5150. We have to cut. Commit her tonight.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

Dude, we watched. We watched Jackie.

[Mike Mitchell]

Like that's a great Christmas movie.

[Eldis Hodge]

We watched.

[Stavros Halkias]

We watched the Jackie on the NASA.

[Eldis Hodge]

Movie and my mom was drunk and she kept being like, that's nothing like Jackie. She doesn't sound like her own. Then at one point I was like, ma, shut the up. And then she cried and that was the end of. That was the end of the. I felt so bad and I had to be like, no, I'm sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

But like finish the movie.

[Eldis Hodge]

We.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Eldis Hodge]

Should we stop the movie? It was a nightmare.

[Stavros Halkias]

So bad.

[Eldis Hodge]

But she kept. Every time Jackie was talking, she was like, that's not what she sounded like. This doesn't work. And I was like. I initially had.

[Mike Mitchell]

We know how you feel about people talking during movies. Family or not. They're getting the. They're getting hammered by the Mike Mitchell.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love my mom.

[Eldis Hodge]

It was a very sad moment.

[Zach Cherry]

That's your favorite Christmas memory?

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

How does that end? You just get up or. Yeah, like I get so drunk. You try and then pass out. Yeah. Basically when you wake up, you're like, I'm sorry, mom.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, we went upstairs and ate some lobster because we do look, we do loft lobster rolls and clam chowder on. On Christmas.

[Mike Mitchell]

Oh, that's the most Boston.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's making my dick hard. That's an awesome move.

[Mike Mitchell]

We try to do seven fishes on Christmas Eve.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, we.

[Mike Mitchell]

We cop out a little though because we do a salmon a locks and white fish bagel first thing in Christmas Eve.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mike Mitchell]

So that's bang out two fish that way. So it's a little bit of a cop. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think I. I like that. I like stealing from. I like stealing the good from col. I might try and get seven fishes in the mix.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

The most thing I do is that I do seven fishes on Christmas Eve and then Chinese food and like I do Italian and Jewish only cultures I would was raised around.

[Eldis Hodge]

What's the Greek? What is the Greek thing?

[Stavros Halkias]

We don't really have.

[Mike Mitchell]

I mean it's one of those things where like Greek Christmas is like December 26, the day after your Easter.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, well, Greek. Greek people actually like, first of all, our Santa Claus is St. Vasilios.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's not. It's not St. Nick.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's St. Vasilios and Cardinal Law how.

[Eldis Hodge]

To move him around.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no, Greek. Greek priests are the ones who don't. Kids, Nice try.

[Zach Cherry]

Catholic.

[Stavros Halkias]

I won't be lectured by a Catholic about priest children. Thank you very much.

[Mike Mitchell]

Speaking of the Greek army, you're thinking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of the Greek philosophers army.

[Mike Mitchell]

Every.

[Stavros Halkias]

Every other type of Greek.

[Mike Mitchell]

We invented the steam room. Yeah, Greeks.

[Zach Cherry]

Greeks had already gotten it out of.

[Mike Mitchell]

Their system by the time.

[Stavros Halkias]

We got it out of our system when we were a young civilization. All the philosophers boys to their hearts content. Look, maybe that makes you good at math. I don't know. I'm bad. I'm bad at math. I'll never know. But yes. And technically.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Different. Yeah, yeah. Here, look.

[Eldis Hodge]

Different time.

[Stavros Halkias]

4000 years ago you could kids. It was different. Yes. I wasn't all woke back then.

[Mike Mitchell]

We didn't have a woke age of consent.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so St. Vasilios is supposed to come on New Year's Day, actually.

[Eldis Hodge]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

So Greek people in Greece and my parents tried that a couple years and then I was like, you're not beating American culture. Like you got to give us our fucking presence.

[Zach Cherry]

Talk about St. Nicholas the way other religions talk about Jesus. Like he was. He was an important man.

[Stavros Halkias]

He was a nice man. Yeah. No, no, for real. He's a different saint. He's a good saint. He was like some Satan, like fucking Asia Minor somewhere. He's like in Turkey or something. And. Yeah. And. But we're not. But he didn't have. He didn't do shit with gifts. No, no, no. That was Saint Facilius.

[Mike Mitchell]

The power of Christmas is super powerful. I grew up around a ton of Jewish. Jewish people and I would say 50 of them got Christmas trees and Christmas presents because they were like, we could be secular Christmas celebrators.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like, why not?

[Mike Mitchell]

I'm not religious at all. I'm not like, thank God Jesus was born.

[Eldis Hodge]

I think it's. It should go both ways. I want to. I want some potato lackers and celebrate Hanukkah.

[Mike Mitchell]

I should go both ways. People should invite me over.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, but Hanukkah sucks dick though too. It's not like a fun holiday. Yeah, no.

[Eldis Hodge]

They don't even care.

[Stavros Halkias]

They just kind of try to. They were like, it just falls on the same. Around the same time as Christmas. So they tried to be like, well, we had. It'd be like if your friend had a PlayStation, like, I have an Atari. You know what I mean? It's like, no one fucking cares. Fuck you, stupid. We get socks and like, fucking.

[Mike Mitchell]

Every religion is like, we are completely different, and we are the one true religion. Weirdly enough, all our big holidays are on the same day as yours. And it's like, oh. That also happens to be around the vernal equinox, which is a pagan holiday. The longest night of the year. It's always like, everyone's like, yeah, Christianity is real. Why do we all do something on December 25th?

[Zach Cherry]

Mitch is getting upset.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mitch is texting his priest right now.

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[Mike Mitchell]

Whew.

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[Stavros Halkias]

I did love when you were going insane in like, religious. Were religious for, like, you're, like, scared of ghosts and you're like, praying to God.

[Mike Mitchell]

Nick, Texas priestess priest is like, wait, we haven't done this in 25 years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, well, well.

[Zach Cherry]

Look who it is.

[Stavros Halkias]

You said you'd never call me after your 8th grade graduation after I told you Santa wasn't real.

[Mike Mitchell]

I. I Rectory damn near killed me.

[Eldis Hodge]

I. I told you that I. First of all, when I was Santa, they promised me to go to. They. This is, this is just completely off track. But I just remember they promised me to go to that Foxboro game where the Patriots. The snowball.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow. Yeah. Who is they?

[Mike Mitchell]

Elves.

[Zach Cherry]

When I was there that they promised me.

[Mike Mitchell]

Seems like you were absolutely. You sound absolutely like you got molested.

[Stavros Halkias]

When I was Santa Claus, they told me I could see Tom Brady playing.

[Mike Mitchell]

You promised me if I put the Santa suit I get the name screen.

[Stavros Halkias]

While getting molested by his priest. He's like he told me if I was a good boy and with the Santa suit and didn't tell nobody what we was doing I could go see Tom Brady in the snow.

[Mike Mitchell]

Tom Brady's gonna throw me a snowball and I'm gonna catch it. I'm Gronk.

[Eldis Hodge]

I caught a pass from Tom Brady. We talked about that before but I went, I went.

[Mike Mitchell]

I kissed Tom Brady on the lips while he's getting a massage.

[Stavros Halkias]

You dressed as his son. You tricked him. He put on his you put on a little dinosaur T shirt.

[Eldis Hodge]

I, I, I, I caught a pass from Brady that you got me all off track.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who, who told you he could go see the Patriots the family Santa for.

[Eldis Hodge]

Then they pulled, they pulled it off.

[Stavros Halkias]

From they didn't give it to you?

[Eldis Hodge]

They didn't give it to me cuz the cousin wanted to go so I missed the up and then it was like one of the best games of all time. But yeah, the their cardinal law was at my confir the bad guy from Spotlight which we talked about. The villain from Spotlight was in your.

[Stavros Halkias]

Confirmation like the arch molester.

[Zach Cherry]

That's insane. Did you get a credit in Spotlight special?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

Story story credit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Every kid that got molested got a story credit.

[Eldis Hodge]

Also don't look up the Quincy mayor's thoughts on the, on the Catholic priest scandal. Don't look it up. That's all I'll say. Don't look it up. And then I, I, when I, when I got, when I got what was long Covid which I don't know how many of your viewers believe in it or not, but I, I, I got long covet and I, I was, I had vertigo and I thought I was insane and I bought holy water online from Amazon. From Amazon.

[Mike Mitchell]

That is the crazy specific I've ever heard. And it stained your wall.

[Eldis Hodge]

It stained my wall from the River Jordan. My friend, my childhood friend was on.

[Zach Cherry]

The a Sounds like a faucet stain.

[Eldis Hodge]

The wall.

[Zach Cherry]

Stains all over my wallets from holy water.

[Eldis Hodge]

But the moment that I knew I.

[Mike Mitchell]

Was S Dan and river water turns up under black light and I guess I was drinking out of it too.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they say actually if, if you.

[Zach Cherry]

Use holy water, your DNA is in.

[Mike Mitchell]

They told me if I did the DNA in the holy water, I can go to the Red Sox game, I can meet the green monster.

[Eldis Hodge]

I knew it was going to be me. I knew it was gonna happen at some point. I. I was, I was blessing my house. I got two bottles of holy water. I was blessing my house. Cuz I was.

[Mike Mitchell]

You got backup holy water in case one of the Amazon holy waters was. Was a sham.

[Eldis Hodge]

You guys, there was actually two different. I think one was like Amazon holy water. The other one was.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome holy water. Dude, they have priests in there. Like they're not allow to take a bathroom break until they bless all this water. Water priest wearing diapers blessing holy water. That's where they move Cardinal.

[Eldis Hodge]

I was like, you got to go to a Amazon warehouse strike. But I, I was blessing it. And when I realized I was crazy was when I was outside my house blessing it. My neighbor saw me blessing my house and I was like, oh, you have lost your mind.

[Mike Mitchell]

There's nothing like a brief moment of realizing you're being observed to undo everything you're doing where you're like, you're like, my energy is off. I could just see it in the other person's eyes that I gotta get my shit together.

[Stavros Halkias]

And by the way, like Greek people get priests to come and like bless their house all the time. Like if you had a priest do it, I would have been like, that's stupid. But whatever. Buying it from Amazon is diy.

[Mike Mitchell]

This is definitely not stupider than believing in it.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean?

[Mike Mitchell]

It's already stupid to believe in it in my book. And then they go one below it and order it off Amazon be like, I do my believe in it and I also believe this will help Book of the Dead.

[Eldis Hodge]

Like a flesh bound book that I was reading from. I was trying everything I could.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was get a task rabbit. Hope a priest is on task rabbit.

[Eldis Hodge]

I drove by the murder house. I was dating my neighbor. I drove by the.

[Zach Cherry]

You were dating your neighbor?

[Eldis Hodge]

You said I was dating my neighbor. This is the truth.

[Zach Cherry]

This is new lore.

[Eldis Hodge]

I was dating my neighbor. You could see into her bedroom from my kitchen window. Truth.

[Stavros Halkias]

She saw you with binoculars.

[Mike Mitchell]

You had to pretend you were like.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no, no, no, no, please.

[Mike Mitchell]

Don'T call the cops.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then your romance.

[Eldis Hodge]

That was.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got a fucking telescope looking at her fucking tits through your kitchen window.

[Mike Mitchell]

We're exclusive.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're my girlfriend. You throw a fucking paper airplane, says you're my girlfriend now.

[Eldis Hodge]

Like Wile E. Coyote. Just a sign you're my girlfriend. She. You could see the. You didn't need a telescope. It was so close. I wasn't spying in her window, to be clear. Ever, ever, ever.

[Mike Mitchell]

I mean, the laziest thing I've ever Heard is just to start dating a neighbor that is like the most.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is a fat guy. That is spiritually fat.

[Mike Mitchell]

Come over here. Have I sit on your porch for like a hoagie?

[Stavros Halkias]

Come over here. Somebody left Jersey bikes on your stoop. Can you bring it over, Gibby head, please.

[Mike Mitchell]

That was your meet cute M E A T.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got ribeyes delivered and they actually send them to her house?

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah. Do me a favor, Mr. Postmates driver. Can this with a heart on it. In my neighbor's house.

[Eldis Hodge]

I actually, I went over there and I did not. I, I knocked on her door because I needed to put a, a ladder in the alley. And I knocked on her door and it was very pretty lady. And I was like, yeah, I was.

[Mike Mitchell]

Like, hey, I put a ladder in her alley.

[Eldis Hodge]

That, that's not some innuendo.

[Mike Mitchell]

I put a step ladder in her alley.

[Stavros Halkias]

I knocked her door. I had to, I had to change the batteries on all the listening devices I had in her house. I changed the battery on the micro cam.

[Mike Mitchell]

I think the hard drive on your toilet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, can I just put in some more ram?

[Mike Mitchell]

Can I add an external hard drive to my toilet can?

[Eldis Hodge]

There's actors like that, but that's not me. There's plenty who do like that, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not one of them.

[Eldis Hodge]

But I, but I was like, I was like, hey. And I, I, I was like, can I get your landlord's number? And she said, yeah, I'll give it to you. And then she's like, what's your number? She took my number. And then we started talking and she said that I didn't pick up on like her. She was like like, how's your Christmas neighbor? And I was like, it's good. And she was like, I was trying to like, hang out with you and you didn'. And then we hung out later and.

[Mike Mitchell]

We just like I said, how's your Christmas? Cuz I saw that you were sitting in front of your Christmas tree jerking off, crying.

[Stavros Halkias]

After Christmas. M is yelling at ghosts.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, you think it's Jacob Morley or whatever.

[Eldis Hodge]

I didn't learn a single lesson. They're just all gone. But she, we went, we drove by this murder house in, in, in Los Feliz and. And then she, she was, she went away to go up to Northern California to a weed farm. And then I, and I was alone. She now has moved to. She's not my neighbor anymore. She's gone. But I, and I still your girlfriend? No, she's not. Okay. Yeah. So, so I.

[Mike Mitchell]

Did she move or Break up? Did you guys break up or did she move first? Which happened first?

[Eldis Hodge]

Broke up and then she moved. Yeah, yeah, that's.

[Mike Mitchell]

You know, you're gonna be like, am I gonna live next to my ex?

[Eldis Hodge]

Boy.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, that was complicated ladder out there.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm worried.

[Mike Mitchell]

I don't even think he should be on that thing. Look at the package.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let me see what the ladder, the. And there's a bunch of rope that broke next to it. There's a bunch of nooses that broke in half.

[Eldis Hodge]

He's going to Home Depot. Be like, what hell was around like 320.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. I went from the phone with Home Depot's customer service. You said it was rated for up to 350. I want a full refund.

[Mike Mitchell]

That's just like when you come to my house. I have a sex swing on the floor and four holes in the ceil.

[Eldis Hodge]

I'm waiting for my new girlfriend to move into that place. Wherever she is.

[Mike Mitchell]

You buy it and become the landlord.

[Stavros Halkias]

Send headshot with credit score.

[Mike Mitchell]

Looking for curvy podcast nerd.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just to.

[Eldis Hodge]

Show you you're get the wrong people with that.

[Mike Mitchell]

She's gonna get us.

[Eldis Hodge]

So we drove by the murder house and then she went up to the cowboy California. So I was also just alone and I watched a documentary on. They were like. After I went to the house, my lights are going off. And then my motion lights started to go off and I got vertigo. And then there was a weird thing on my security camera where I thought I heard a ghost.

[Mike Mitchell]

Well, I heard about this.

[Eldis Hodge]

I thought I heard a ghost. Say yes and breathe. Turns out that it was the yes. Was this from this is Sports Center?

[Stavros Halkias]

And I was fast forwarding through his.

[Mike Mitchell]

His buddy watched. Stayed with him. Watched the.

[Stavros Halkias]

The what?

[Mike Mitchell]

He was ghost footage.

[Eldis Hodge]

And I thought it was scary. He did think it was scary. And I had vertigo. I'd never dealt with like that before.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I was like, you were losing your mind.

[Eldis Hodge]

I was losing my mind. It was crazy. And then. And then all that went away, luckily. But it was terrifying.

[Mike Mitchell]

I've never had that.

[Eldis Hodge]

I am.

[Mike Mitchell]

I've never lost my mind.

[Eldis Hodge]

I am the most cowardly of the three big boys here.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know about that. I'm pretty cowardly.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know about that.

[Mike Mitchell]

Zach's a bit of a.

[Zach Cherry]

But not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not with super cowards. In our own ways. Yeah.

[Zach Cherry]

I'm not afraid of any supernatural shit, but other stuff. But like birds.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I don't with birds either, actually. Yeah, I don't trust them.

[Zach Cherry]

Unpredictable.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. Dude.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're like little dinosaurs.

[Mike Mitchell]

Vietnamese people.

[Zach Cherry]

I don't think cowardly is the word.

[Mike Mitchell]

I'm not scared of supernatural stuff or.

[Eldis Hodge]

Like, it does feel different when you say that word.

[Stavros Halkias]

A U.S. in the U.S.A. santa. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

As long as they come here correctly. As long as they come to the North Pole legally.

[Eldis Hodge]

I am afraid of the other people who bought that Santa.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. That's a baller Santa.

[Mike Mitchell]

My cowardly thing is I'm always afraid to be in somebody else's way. I think it's like a Hold like a fat kid.

[Eldis Hodge]

That's a bad one to have as a big guy.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah. No. I feel like I'm constantly. It activates my claustrophobia that I feel like I'm inside somebody's weight. Like, I Like at restaurants, I'm just, like, sucked in, standing against the wall. So, like a guy with a tray. I'm not in anybody. I like. That's my biggest. And that's a real move to me. Like, everyone else is, like, confident.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like, this.

[Mike Mitchell]

This is my space.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm like, no, I love that's.

[Eldis Hodge]

I'm the same way.

[Zach Cherry]

I literally work out so I can keep my legs together when I'm sitting in theater seats and at basketball dudes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because, yeah, you.

[Mike Mitchell]

All three of you almost went to a Knicks game together, and I was wondering what kind of knee on knee burn you would have.

[Eldis Hodge]

I said to Zach, I was like, I'm gonna put my arm around Knicks game. Which I did do quite a bit.

[Mike Mitchell]

It is easier. It is crazy because I. I've been like that too, where like, when you're. Because you're. It's not like we're all gut guys. We're also shoulder guys. So it's like when you're sitting next to each other, you kind of got to be like, this is actually the most comfortable way for me.

[Eldis Hodge]

A double.

[Stavros Halkias]

A double, like, arm around. You're taking turns putting your arms around.

[Eldis Hodge]

If I go on a date with a woman, I'm. I got. I'll tell her that I'm like, if I put my arm around you, it's not me trying to make a move. Like, I don't have space to put my arm to go here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

If I put my reason.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm grabbing your tits, by the way. If I fat hands that I need something to hold on to.

[Zach Cherry]

It's a medical.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a medical issue.

[Mike Mitchell]

If I put my arm around you, you can suck on my tit.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, John, you said restaurant, and we have to go eat at 1. So we should probably do some questions from our audience.

[Mike Mitchell]

Oh, yeah, good thinking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even though I am having a wonderful time chatting with the fellas.

[Eldis Hodge]

They're going to see us walk in and be like, oh, they're going to be pissed.

[Mike Mitchell]

Bust out the old 76. Or you just hear it like the ant on cigar machine.

[Stavros Halkias]

We'll take mascot.

[Eldis Hodge]

Mascot they've had for years.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hit us with a. Hit us with a question here, little eldest.

[Caller 1]

Hey, what's up, Stav? Whatever guest you have on. Been watching the show and you stand up for a while. So I've managed to get a bunch of my girlfriend's friends to hate me after being falsely accused of cheating. So I went to my girlfriend's best friend's desktop wedding.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

We were at the after party, and I was just chilling at the open bar, and I started having a good conversation with a pretty attractive girl who was the bride's cousin. I didn't make a pass at her. I even let her use my phone to call her boyfriend. My girlfriend took notice of us talking after, like, 20 minutes, and she made a scene about it, but we made up and that was that. Come to find out that after we get home from this wedding, that multiple people apparently saw us go into a bathroom together. I had no idea what they were talking about, and the girl herself completely denied anything happening. I thought about it for a couple weeks and remember that we both walked to separate bathrooms and she couldn't find the light switch. So I legitimately walked in with the door open for all about five seconds, which was apparently enough for people to notice. All the friends in this wedding spread this rumor that I definitely cheated, even if after the girl denied it and now they won't stop slandering me. A lot of the girls are hairdressers, so now it's become like, town gossip. And now after saying the life, the worst community to lied about not being in the bathroom, which is completely untrue. I just didn't remember because it was such an insignificant moment, which I previously explained to her and her husband. But apparently in their minds, I lied. So that's nice. So now all these people dislike me for something I 100% did not do. And I have no idea how to navigate this because I'm so pissed off that they are assaulting my character when cheating is so against who I am. And I want to stand up for myself. And I have no problem with confrontation. You can tell I don't know how I should do it. And this whole Thing is affecting my girlfriend's friendships, which I feel really terrible about. So should I just let it rock because my girlfriend knows I didn't do it? Should I tell these people off? I. I really want to. You know, gossip usually doesn't affect me, but being called a line cheater is just striking a nerve, man. I don't know any appreciated. Any input appreciated. Thanks.

[Mike Mitchell]

I feel a little bit like this guy needs us to co sign him and then he can like play it. Like he's like, I was even on the stobby podcast. They agreed.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like they said they verified he's like, agreed I didn't cheat.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, I, I think he's going to be less pissed off. Is my first. He's so pissed off. I mean, of course he would be pissed off, but even just like, he's like my character.

[Zach Cherry]

It's possible. I believe he maybe didn't do it, but he's. He's talking about it exactly like someone who did do.

[Eldis Hodge]

That's when.

[Zach Cherry]

When he said, as I previously already told her and her husband, that's very like, I got caught style language. So maybe you just need to get.

[Mike Mitchell]

People saw us going to the bathroom together and I didn't know what the they were talking about. Then I remembered that we did go to the bathroom. God.

[Stavros Halkias]

What? That's what. Even for us, we're like, wait a second, you went in the bathroom? That's weird. So, dude, yeah, here are your two options. Either I like, I love that advice where it's like, just act cooler. Like someone accuses you of something you didn't do. These are dumb. Who cares what these dumb bitches think? These fucking dumb fucking hairstylists. Who gives a fuck? Tell them to fuck. You could just be like, I didn't do that. Whatever.

[Mike Mitchell]

If his girl, like, if his girlfriend believes him totally.

[Zach Cherry]

That is what matters.

[Mike Mitchell]

That is. That also is maybe not to say like, women have to do all the emotional work here, but that might be a little bit of her job to kind of say to her friends, hey, I don't think he cheated. I'm staying with him. Can you stop rattling it off at the fucking salon?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you either do that or everybody thinks you fucking cheated anyway.

[Mike Mitchell]

Just cheat.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just cheat. And that way you're even. And that way you can.

[Mike Mitchell]

You could blame them if you get caught. Be like, you did this to me.

[Zach Cherry]

And you let the girl use your phone so you have her boyfriend's number.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can get in touch with her.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ye. Yeah. You should tell this girl. You should be like, listen, tell everyone I didn't cheat or I'm going to pretend we did. I did you. And I'm going to tell your husband.

[Eldis Hodge]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

You. If you don't back me up at.

[Mike Mitchell]

Some point, I'm going to just say, you're right, I did.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Take her down with you. Be a kamikaze.

[Zach Cherry]

She agrees with him. She says she did that.

[Stavros Halkias]

They did it.

[Mike Mitchell]

That's what's. I would say he cheated with all the hairdressers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, he fucked the hairdressers.

[Eldis Hodge]

Here's the issue. If you go so far as to be like, I'm getting lie detector test. People will then think you are cheating. Like there's no real way to win it. I guess.

[Mike Mitchell]

No, you gotta just kind of do like the politics and thing and that comedians also do. You just start ignoring it, never speak to it, never give it any oxygen and just live your life with everyone thinking like, didn't he date a high school girl?

[Stavros Halkias]

And like just keep moving.

[Eldis Hodge]

Is that a specific thing?

[Mike Mitchell]

Specific. But not for just one comment. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are we talking about the one who just dated him or the one who kind of had a weird cult of high school girls? He was texting. There's a couple, there's a few.

[Mike Mitchell]

There's friends with like three of them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldis Hodge]

This story go. He's like, they saw us go in the bathroom and then also they saw us kissing. And I did remember that that happened.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I was giving him mouth to.

[Eldis Hodge]

Mouth, a stand up Heimlich know where.

[Mike Mitchell]

The light switch was. So I put my tongue to the back of her tooth.

[Zach Cherry]

I remembered I had given another guy my belt so my pan were down because I was trying to be a nice guy.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's like a Rube Goldberg hookup.

[Stavros Halkias]

But there is something to. If everybody. Like it's that episode of Sopranos where everybody thinks Tony got hooked up with Adrianna and he just was like, you know what? I can't clear my name. I'm just gonna act like I. I'm just gonna act like I did it and I'm telling everybody to fuck off and get over it. And I think at a certain point you have to just be.

[Eldis Hodge]

Was horrible. I think, I think it didn't work out well for him in the show.

[Stavros Halkias]

But. But it's also like the only. That's the only move you have. It wasn't good. And also, who are we kidding? He would have her.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like they just got in a car accident or else he would have 100% her. That was so clearly what was happening.

[Eldis Hodge]

This ends with this guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, you know, this guy ends with.

[Eldis Hodge]

Him suffocating his nephew in a car hold.

[Stavros Halkias]

Take those air, dress on a nice long drive, get in a and just hold their fucking noses shut.

[Zach Cherry]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

Introduce them to Joey pants.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I just think like, you either have to let this go or act as someone who cheats. Like, if you did cheat, would you be this mad and indignant or would you just want to let this go away? You'd probably just want to try and let this go away. So just you've been dealt this hand. Who gives a fuck? Keep it pushing. Maybe your girlfriend won't even be friends with these people. And also so like, you know, maybe consider move you and your girlfriend from, you know, not to be. Not to take too much from your cadence, but it feels like you've never left your hometown. So maybe move somewhere else with this girlfriend that you love.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't have to be, you know where Gabris went to high school your whole life.

[Mike Mitchell]

I. I definitely played lacrosse with this guy. D2 lacrosse and MTA cop. Different psych.

[Stavros Halkias]

What else? We got big elves.

[Caller 3]

Hi, Stav. I don't want to say my name, but I am such a big fan of yours. I just saw your photo at the Venice Film Festival and it looks so cute and I'm so proud of you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Caller 3]

But my question today is about one of my best friends. We've known each other since middle school. We're both in our late 20s. And within the last like three years, one of the only things she like invites me to do is to go spend time at her boyfriend's mom's place. And the first couple times like one was for a Christmas party. It's like, whatever, you know, mom's got a pool.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is Christmas after all.

[Caller 3]

But the thing about this mom is like she has offered me fucking cocaine before. And that just really makes me comfortable when I a person who's my parents age, if not a little bit older, is like still doing cocaine. She does it with my friend and this woman, she moved out of house and now lives in apartment complex. And my friend's like, oh yeah, she's got a nice pool. It's like a good place to drink and have beers. And I'm like, dude, we're in our late 20s. Like I feel like we should so be going out and like doing fun shit and not hanging out with a bunch of middle aged people. Like, I'd rather spend spend time with my parents. So my question is like Am I a for like saying that to her or is that reasonable? Like, it's not my fucking boyfriend's mom and I would never ask that of her.

[Mike Mitchell]

Crazy.

[Caller 3]

You know, in the reverse. So I don't know. Let me know what you think, Stav. Oh, also, hi, eldest and hi guest. Okay, bye.

[Caller 1]

Bye.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, this is fucking insane.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is wild.

[Mike Mitchell]

This the whole thing was for me finding out that the girl does. Do the other. Her friend does coke with her boyfriend's mom.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

With her mother in law.

[Stavros Halkias]

With her. Like, yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

Up with your in laws. That seems like a nightmare.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, this is either the weirdest, most up call. Like, this girl is like about to get like sexed into some weird middle aged, like poly complaints community.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yes.

[Mike Mitchell]

It felt a little like that.

[Zach Cherry]

It feels.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or it's the exact opposite. And it's like she is gonna marry this guy and she literally loves her mother in law to the point where. And they're both dirt bags. They're like.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, it sounds like they're both like a little bit of party chicks. Like, we can go hang out by their complex pool and we live in la. You. You know what a complex pool vibe is.

[Eldis Hodge]

It's crazy.

[Mike Mitchell]

Like, imagine going out there with like some friends and drinking with all and like opening that up to all your.

[Stavros Halkias]

Neighbors and being like 50, being like 48. Yeah. And being like, like with your daughter and getting. Doing cocaine. Like that's nuts. Dude.

[Mike Mitchell]

She's right.

[Eldis Hodge]

Right?

[Mike Mitchell]

Like, that is weird.

[Eldis Hodge]

I think it's weird for sure.

[Mike Mitchell]

But I also like, if she doesn't want to. If you don't. One thing you have to learn by your late 20s is if you don't want to do something you don't have.

[Stavros Halkias]

To do, you don't have to anymore.

[Zach Cherry]

100%. My question is, she said the only thing she involved invites me to is this. Does her friend do other things and just not include you?

[Mike Mitchell]

Like, are you her do coke with.

[Eldis Hodge]

My boyfriend's mom friend?

[Mike Mitchell]

She's going to theme parks every other night. Not inviting her and doing all this cool fun shit.

[Zach Cherry]

If that's all she's doing and she's inviting you, that's less weird to me because then it's like, oh, she wants to see you and all she's doing is doing coke by the pool.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's kind of how I read it. But I know what you're saying.

[Zach Cherry]

But if she's doing other stuff and.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'Re just that friend.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You've been relegated to that friend. You're like, you're the one she has.

[Mike Mitchell]

Like rich boat friends that she's always going out with. And then like her, she's like, what about me? And you're like, well, you can come over my mom's house and do coke in the complex. We can go to the laundry room and cut up a line on top of the dryer.

[Stavros Halkias]

We know this trick where we get the quarters out. We do laundry for free. If you, if you PR eject really fast, you get her back, but you.

[Eldis Hodge]

Got to be quick. You know what, I'll take a bowl for you. I'll go hang out with them. You don't have to go anymore. Just let me know what the deal is.

[Mike Mitchell]

By the way, I'm 100% down to go hang out with a bunch of middle aged co heads in a apartment pool complex.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is Gabriel's will.

[Mike Mitchell]

I would show up.

[Caller 2]

Up.

[Mike Mitchell]

I'll whoever you need me to.

[Stavros Halkias]

Honestly, if they, if there's a. We kind of exactly are in the, in the age range where it's like, if there's a party where they have like trashy late 40s, early 50s and then like weird 28 year olds, I'm like, I'm good either way, brother.

[Mike Mitchell]

Those are my two types.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sign me the fuck up.

[Mike Mitchell]

Drunk 50 year olds and weird 28 year olds. That's my fucking spectrum right there.

[Stavros Halkias]

But yes, I think like, that's a good point. Like I read it as her friend is just weirdly you meet these people that sometimes kind of like only hang out with their significant others.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It feels like she's done that in a very weird way where like, so her boyfriend does coke with his mom on the regular.

[Mike Mitchell]

There's also a weird detail in there where she's like, we used to go to her house, which maybe like a house could be a party scene. But then when she's like, she just moved into an apartment complex, you wonder she get like a divorce from this. Going all their money on co. She drinks cocaine all the time. She just moved from a house to an apartment complex.

[Stavros Halkias]

Easier upkeep.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

If the house is halfway between what and what?

[Zach Cherry]

I don't know.

[Mike Mitchell]

They just call it the halfway house.

[Eldis Hodge]

A guy offered me coke this weekend. It was at a, at a bar this weekend I was out and it was, you offer me coke at six in the morning.

[Mike Mitchell]

Well, you were at a bar at 6 in the morning.

[Eldis Hodge]

I was at a bar.

[Mike Mitchell]

Absolutely asking for it. He's assuming you already did it.

[Eldis Hodge]

But I was like, I'm 43 years old and it's 6 in the morning and like you've said before, like you don't see a lot of fat guys in their 40s who do coke.

[Mike Mitchell]

No, you can't do coke if you're a fat comedian. It literally kills you eventually.

[Stavros Halkias]

I literally, when I turned 30, I was like, no more cocaine. Yeah, if I lose weight, I can do cocaine again.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Besides.

[Eldis Hodge]

I don't need an extender on the airplane. I can do coke again. Speaking of which, I have to undo my Santa belt, which is pathetic.

[Mike Mitchell]

Santa belts are too tight. It's a bad sign. The idea of like a weird training montage where when finally Stavi like gets on the scale and it says like 240 and he just leans blasts around like I am the tigers. Sorry, this is just because of my shoulder.

[Zach Cherry]

I would say also I have. I have friends who like ask me to do things I don't really want to do. And I'll usually I'll do like a once a year this podcast.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly. If you still want to be. It's this. Yeah. Yeah, right. This ass.

[Eldis Hodge]

You want to dress up as Santa.

[Mike Mitchell]

Thank God you're only doing these once a year.

[Zach Cherry]

But if you still want that person in your life, you can throw them a once a year bone and just kind of say no all the other times.

[Stavros Halkias]

And also you can dis. You can invite her to not weird.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You like the onus comes on you a little bit now you're like, oh, I don't really. Or I'm busy. Why don't we go get brunch tomorrow?

[Mike Mitchell]

Like just literally bring my mom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Bring my mother in law. I am fascinated by this dynamic. Yeah, I would love to know more about it.

[Eldis Hodge]

Hang with the mom thing, I had no problem with. I thought that was pretty.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, I know. Of course not.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Zach Cherry]

You and your mom do coke together.

[Eldis Hodge]

No, my mom, my. No, we've never done. We have never. We never done coke before. She was. She's a million miles away from any sort of even weed. I don't think she ever smoked weed.

[Stavros Halkias]

But.

[Eldis Hodge]

But the coke thing with your mom is bizarre.

[Mike Mitchell]

That is.

[Eldis Hodge]

That is bizarre.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. But hang out with her every day. That's kind of your speed.

[Eldis Hodge]

House.

[Mike Mitchell]

And then moving back in with her for 40 days every holiday season. Yeah.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's having her tuck you in.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah. From Christmas till Valentine. From Thanksgiving to Valentine. Valentine's Day.

[Eldis Hodge]

And I was about to say, you don't know what it's like when your dad dies in.

[Mike Mitchell]

You certainly do. That is actually One of the few.

[Stavros Halkias]

Things he got your ass, Mitch. Your weird mommy. He can call you on it. Cuz his dad also died.

[Mike Mitchell]

The reason I'm so. I'm so easy. It's so easy for me to be mean to Mitch is because I just moved from self deprecating to deprecating. I'm like, what do I say to myself? Whatever the opposite of affirmations are.

[Eldis Hodge]

This is a fight club.

[Stavros Halkias]

The morning I just say him to.

[Mike Mitchell]

Mitch instead of my mirror.

[Eldis Hodge]

I'm your Edward. Nur. Edward N. I'm your Edward Norton.

[Mike Mitchell]

Edward Norton. Edward Norton.

[Eldis Hodge]

That was our other fat idea. The Zep Bound for your. For fat Irish heads.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fat Irish heads. You got to shrink big Irish heads.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, they your new nickname. They're calling you Guardian Cap, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, fuck. Anyway, whatever. Fucking invite this bitch to go for a walk or whatever. Next question. Eldest.

[Eldis Hodge]

It's weird. That's weird.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's fucking weird.

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[Mike Mitchell]

Whew.

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[Eldis Hodge]

Lowe's.

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[Caller 1]

Yo, what's up? I'm currently taking a in the bathroom at work.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice dude time.

[Caller 1]

Like Mr. Lunt from VeggieTales. But anyway, I got a Veggie Tales reference that's kind of tearing the friend group apart. It's kind of funny. We were doing. We were doing a bachelor party for one of my buddies. We were all floating in the lake up north and one of my friends asked one of my other friends, who's not very athletic, to throw him his $300 pair of sunglasses. So he throws them and he misses. Wide lat sinks to the bottom of the lake.

[Mike Mitchell]

Oh.

[Caller 1]

And so now my Friend whose sunglasses they were, is demanding that my other friend pays for his $300 pair.

[Mike Mitchell]

No whack. Just wipe and wrap this story up, bud.

[Eldis Hodge]

And sounds like he's eating too. When the water's like, well, if I'm.

[Caller 1]

On the hook, this is it, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

There's nothing else. This guy's. Yeah, we can we. This is ridiculous.

[Eldis Hodge]

Imagine being the other person in that bathroom just hearing this guy drone on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Playing a didgeridoo.

[Mike Mitchell]

No ruse.

[Caller 2]

Spoiler alert, there was a F slip.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Thank you for allowing the call through. Eldis. A very simple. A very simple answer where the guy says a slur. Elvis was like, yep, that'll do it. But excellent producing yet again.

[Eldis Hodge]

Perfect Christmas call.

[Mike Mitchell]

I'll tell you what this person should do. It's if the guy who threw the glasses in the lake offers to buy him a new pair, he can say, yes. If you ask someone to throw you your glasses, you are the level of wealth. You are the level of wealth that you are saying, throw me my $300 glasses. I'm in the lake. And if that guy fucks up, that is on you, bro.

[Stavros Halkias]

100%.

[Mike Mitchell]

You cannot ask that guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

The guy has no case whatsoever to ask for new glasses. It's completely on you to be like. And he's probably not even at the level of wealth. He's probably. If he's friends with this guy, he's probably stupid.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So it's just like those guys who.

[Mike Mitchell]

Has like, a car lease that's like taking him down financially. He has like $350 polarized Oakleys.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

That he wears when he works in Peak squad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. It's your fault they didn't land on my face.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, this is. This is one of the stupidest requests I could possibly think of.

[Eldis Hodge]

You were being careless with your expensive thing. It's on you. That's. It's. And I don't even know how close they are as friends, but totally, it seems like none of these guys are very close as friends.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

Imagine your life is so boring that your friend, one of your friends throws another friend's sunglasses in the lake. And you're like, I finally have a reason to call. Stop. This is the craziest thing that's ever happened to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're like, this has sparked a debate in their friend group. He's like, it's tearing the friend group apart. It's like, how are there even opposing sides to this? How fucking stupid are you guys?

[Eldis Hodge]

I'm nervous shit talking. This guy Because I do feel like he's to go up to random Santas and be like, you talking?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, guys, the guy at the Salvation army is going to get cold cocked. Cuz was. You guys gave me the wrong advice, Pop.

[Zach Cherry]

I wonder if the sunglasses guy is like the rich guy who invites people to shit. Because often rich guys are the ones who are that dickish about their bro.

[Mike Mitchell]

My richest friends are the guys who are like, can I have $20 for the valet and never remember exactly. And brokest friends are the ones who like, I got this dinner.

[Zach Cherry]

And so that might be why there is even any debate. Because everyone's like, I got to hang. He has the boat. You know, like he's got the lake house.

[Mike Mitchell]

Right, right.

[Eldis Hodge]

You know how many couches people have asked me to pay for cuz I sit on them and they fold in half brother.

[Mike Mitchell]

Straight up. I was going to say I broke Ben Rogers couch one time.

[Stavros Halkias]

I broke my friend Ben.

[Mike Mitchell]

Buy him a new one. I was like, I'll buy you a new one. He's like, we'll go to Ikea. And I went. We went to Ikea and I bought him like a 300 $100 couch. We moved it back into his house together. I was like, this is embarrassing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Already.

[Mike Mitchell]

So embarrassed. And he's like, okay, yeah, I'll take you up on it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

But I did offer.

[Eldis Hodge]

He didn't say he's never had to worry about weight.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Zach Cherry]

Inviting any of us over is like signing a waiver for your.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, yeah. There's no.

[Zach Cherry]

You don't get to.

[Mike Mitchell]

In for a penny. In for a. In for a penny. In for £308.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I literally broke.

[Mike Mitchell]

Best shape of my life the last 10 years. I'm 308 pounds. I'd be too to wrestle as a super heavyweight.

[Eldis Hodge]

I remember when, when we shot the birthday boys this sketch show that I did because a lot of people have no idea what that means. But they got a world war.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sounds like a different themed porno you were in. Instead of saying it's got the Christmas boys eating cake and each other in.

[Mike Mitchell]

The ass with the little pointy hats.

[Stavros Halkias]

Instead of Santa hats. Blow out the candle. He's talking about his dick.

[Mike Mitchell]

I guess I'm lowercase I years old.

[Eldis Hodge]

It was a sketch show. They. They bought. They bought a. They bought. They had, they had. They were like, we have a vintage.

[Mike Mitchell]

It's known as like the top six funniest IFC sketch shows.

[Eldis Hodge]

Always on, slightly off. It was a vintage army cot. They were like, we got A vintage army cop for this army army skit. And they were like, we just got to return it. Like, be careful with it. And I laid in, it was like right to the ground. It sucked so bad. And she was like, oh, it's fine. You can tell that it was like, awful news sucks.

[Mike Mitchell]

When I hosted a game show on the. My first day there, I broke two different chairs. And one of them was a barber chair. Like a huge fucking red base I got on and just creaked. Just bent underneath it and I fucking tipped over. And the other chair I sat in at lunch and all four legs just splayed out. They all.

[Eldis Hodge]

When you're bending steel.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a tough one. That's a real tough one, man.

[Mike Mitchell]

The sunglasses thing reminds me too. My buddy Justin Tyler, a mutual friend of ours, he. His mom has a lake house. We used to jump off this cliff and we would take bull rips, hold it in, jump off the cliff, hit the water, come out and breathe it out. Like, it was like this, like, challenge we would do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, brother.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

It was so sick. Legalize it, baby. On top of about this. Like, it was like it wasn't eight years ago or something. I was in 36 when I did it. Talking about it like I was a teenager. But the guy who went last would either have to jump with the lighter in the bowl. And then this, Justin's brother went last. He's like, we're all in a boat waiting for him to jump off, and we're like, fuck it, throw it. He throws a lighter off, like this 50 foot cliff, and it goes directly into one guy's hand. And we were like, that's fucking awesome. Then he turns, throws the ball and misses us by like 70ft. Immediately in the water and sinks. The lighter was something we could get again. And like, we realized, like, we were so cocky. After the lighter, he's like, got it. The next one sailed over our heads. We were like, oh, different lake.

[Caller 2]

Hilarious.

[Stavros Halkias]

But yeah, your dumbass friend that's crazy to ask for the glasses. He's a fucking idiot.

[Mike Mitchell]

He's like rolling calls on the toilet. He's like, hey, doughboy, bring him. He's got all the saved contacts or all podcasts.

[Eldis Hodge]

Okay, calling number, Child Protective Services.

[Mike Mitchell]

I'm going to see him this weekend, right? Kids are so tired of the sunglass story.

[Stavros Halkias]

What else you got for us, Eldis? You think you could possibly top that question?

[Caller 1]

Hey, Eldis. Hey, Gu. First time, long time. I'm seeking your professional counsel and something that's really bugging Me. So, long story short, I have this bullshit corporate job where basically we work in teams of two on projects and do a bunch of, like, reports and PowerPoints and stuff like that. Like, it's kind of funny, it's kind of silly. But the problem is I've been working with a co worker, of course, who, like, routinely is just, like, is not working for most half days. So, like, on Monday or Tuesday, they come in and then they'll just stop working around, like, 11 o' clock or it's like noon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Respect.

[Caller 1]

Which I'm fine with. But that means on this project work, I'm not the one who has to do all of it. And, like, I got a little curious about this, so I decided to do some investigating. And it turns out that this person is both prolific, they're both erotic high fantasy novel author and a PhD student. So clearly they have other shit going on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right?

[Caller 1]

My question for you is, what do I do about this? Typically, I'm all in favor of time theft at work, but not to the detriment of other people. And currently, I'm on the receiving end of it. I mean, should I ask them for tips as to, like, how the better steel time from our job, it's just, like, not really sustainable. I don't know what to do, man. Give me some help. Thanks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sounds like you're tough.

[Mike Mitchell]

Cause I'm immediately on the guy's side.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm on the other side of things.

[Mike Mitchell]

Going on and phoning in at this job, that's like, what I do professionally.

[Stavros Halkias]

You've learned, you care, and that's your biggest mistake? You give a fuck about this stupid fucking job? He said it's some dumb corporate job, right?

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, it's silly.

[Zach Cherry]

Pretty funny.

[Mike Mitchell]

Pretty silly. I said pretty funny. Funny. Pretty silly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So, like.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah. Does he work at ifc?

[Stavros Halkias]

They're relaunching. I'm putting together the DVD of the birthday boy sketches. And this guy. We're trying to. We're trying to get Mitch to fit into square format instead of widescreen. I mean, yeah, I don't. The thing is you. He's just got you by the ball.

[Zach Cherry]

She.

[Stavros Halkias]

We don't know who your coworker is, but they have basically identified you as a bitch that they can take advantage of. And now you decide how you play that because you can snitch, right? Yeah, that's not gonna get you anywhere. Snitching never works. Or you could just be like, all right, well, why don't I just also not do anything and see what happens.

[Zach Cherry]

Well, he said, should I ask him for tips?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Zach Cherry]

Team up with them to do even less together. Work together to find a way to not even do what you were doing.

[Mike Mitchell]

I would say there's.

[Stavros Halkias]

I.

[Mike Mitchell]

That would be my move. But if you really care about this job, which is like a you problem, maybe you just reach out to them and go like, look, I'm not saying you gotta fucking strap in and go hard here, but if you did these two more things a week, it would save my ass. Just give them something actionable. Just say like, look, I know, I don't want to fucking do work either, but if you did this, if you just did this extra, extra amount of things I need, my life would be much easier.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, you could have a conversation. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I think that's.

[Mike Mitchell]

And that's the only move, if you talk to a boss about it, that you're whack.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you're.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Also you're. Because we've all. I'm guessing I've 100 been this guy.

[Eldis Hodge]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The thing is you're not gonna beat him because. Or her because she'll lose. They'll lose the job. They don't give a. Yeah, I had.

[Zach Cherry]

A full time job and I would show up at 11 and leave at 2.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah, I did too at one point.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Mike Mitchell]

I was a PA at best week ever and everyone got promoted over me because I was such a piece of a bad employee. Just watch everyone else who started after me just keep getting promoted. I was like, I think it's time for me to quit.

[Eldis Hodge]

When I was in the Simpsons, there was Eliza. I worked with this woman, Eliza Hooper, great person. And I was going out to do auditions and. And you would know when you were being a pain in the ass and you'd have an open conversation and she would be like, you're being annoying. You know what I mean? You need to have a better relationship with that person and tell them that they're being annoying.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think that's the best you could hope for because also for them, that might even clarify it further. If I knew my co workers would get off my dick if I did a couple things, I would just do those fast.

[Mike Mitchell]

Right. That's what I'm saying. Like, it wouldn't be a huge ask because slackers would love to hear, like, hey, if you do these two things every week, I'll never bother you again.

[Eldis Hodge]

By the way, your response is going to be like, yeah, I know. Like they're not going to, they're not going to push back.

[Mike Mitchell]

Right?

[Eldis Hodge]

They're going to know that they're up. Yeah, it's 100% like. Also, by the way, I'm pissed off. Santa, they never give you pockets and Santa pants. Do you notice that? It's annoying.

[Zach Cherry]

He has the magic bag.

[Eldis Hodge]

I know, but for a fat guy with a phone or something or anything, you don't have the eyes.

[Mike Mitchell]

So you can't put your hand in your pocket while you have a kid on your lap.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a bad look. That's true. That's a real bad look.

[Mike Mitchell]

You can Napoleon yourself a little bit. We gotta go rodeo. Gr.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Dude.

[Mike Mitchell]

Dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fuck. You know, whatever. Unfortunately, this person has all the leverage here. Because you care about the job.

[Mike Mitchell]

They work at the Mayo Clinic as neurologists. Kind of silly, kind of funny.

[Eldis Hodge]

See, people be crazy.

[Mike Mitchell]

I guess we have to work in.

[Zach Cherry]

Pairs because I'm the anesthesiologist.

[Mike Mitchell]

They're doing the surgery. He really just phones in the anesthesia.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anesthesia just punches him in the fucking head. That ought to do it.

[Mike Mitchell]

Waking back up.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's got a big mallet bonk.

[Mike Mitchell]

I had to happen to me in a dream. You know how in like I watched so many action movies you see like they always just knock the guy out with like one like one butt of the gun or like one chokehold takes him out and then they're out for narratively as long as they need to be. I had a dream that I couldn't. I was supposed to knock this guy out on a mission and he like wouldn't. And he was like on the ground and I'm on top of him and I'm like punching him in the face and he's like stop. And I'm like just get knocked out. And it's like so sad. And I'm like upset in the dream that I'm just hitting this guy in the face in the head and he's like what are you doing? I'm like, I need to knock you out.

[Eldis Hodge]

Like I think that can only be labeled as bullies. Remorse.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's no other way.

[Mike Mitchell]

It is like a bullies nightmare.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mitch had the same dream in reverse. Stop.

[Mike Mitchell]

He leave me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cardinal law. Let go of me.

[Eldis Hodge]

I'm entering the dream world again. It's been a while. Cuz the CPAP machine dreaming my gre. My. My. Like the part of my dream brain is like. It hasn't done anything for a long time.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, I killed that with cannabis. I gotta. I gotta get that back. I gotta try. I gotta try taking a day off weed for a lot of reasons. Requested by my doctor and lawyer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Doctor, lawyer, parole officer.

[Mike Mitchell]

I took one week off and didn't eat a fourth meal. Four days in a row is the best I've ever felt. And I'm like, well, I didn't want to know that weed was hurting me, so I'm gonna just smoke until I forget that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Literally two days ago I was like, I can smoke a little weed. Destroyed all progress and all I had was healthy. So I ate like three. I like, cut up protein bars with, like, cereal and like, made a fat meal out of. And I didn't have peanut butter, so I had like PB powder and I. I rehydrated it to make a shitty peanut butter. So I'd like a spread. It was just like fat MacGyver shit.

[Mike Mitchell]

That I. Dude, I put sunflower seed butter on a yasso yogurt bar.

[Stavros Halkias]

I got.

[Mike Mitchell]

I figured it out. It's like as best I could do with the healthy shit in my cabinets.

[Stavros Halkias]

When you take low ca. Like, I'll take low calorie ice cream and just put so much shit in it. It's just Ben and Jerry's. What a shitty Ben and Jerry's.

[Mike Mitchell]

I did it like, like the fake ice cream with mashed in, like, protein cookies. Like, you're just like all the dumb you have in your.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just chemicals.

[Eldis Hodge]

I went to Mama's too, today. Had a chicken cutlet sub a square slice. And then I went to Linda street and I got a slice of cheese pizza. And then I went and got a cannoli at Rocco's.

[Stavros Halkias]

God damn, boy.

[Eldis Hodge]

And then we're going to have a steak dinner.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's insane.

[Eldis Hodge]

I know, I'm.

[Zach Cherry]

And you also found time to get ham flavored potato chips.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is also true.

[Eldis Hodge]

Flavored ketchup flavored potato chips.

[Stavros Halkias]

Those are pretty good.

[Mike Mitchell]

And you did all this with insane gout. I can see rock hard crystal feet. I'm going to.

[Eldis Hodge]

You just wear these things.

[Mike Mitchell]

Your feet also jingle like Eldis crystals clanging together.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's your fucking smashed up ankle bones. You got something fun for us to go out on, little buddy?

[Caller 2]

Yeah, we got an update. Remember from the Dan Soder and Vecchion episode, the woman who called in, she brought her best friend to her boyfriend's, like, big family reunion.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, yes.

[Caller 2]

And she, her best friend, like, some guy made a bunch of people, like, watch her baby while she.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, she was getting dick and also.

[Caller 2]

Like, just got in a fight with people at this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes, yes. So, yeah, Cliff Notes. Our caller brought her friend to a family reunion for some reason some guy's boyfriend and like was a terror. I mean the caller did the. No, no, the caller. She basically brought a plus one. The plus one that was like got a complete nightmare. So.

[Mike Mitchell]

And what did Macho man and Andre the Giant say in response? Was that a Dan Soder episode? Take that soda.

[Caller 3]

Hi St. Hi, Eldis, also eldest. Sorry for all the voicemails. I just saw the episode of Stavi and Dan and I'm not sure the other guy's name. I'm sorry, okay. But I was the. That brought her shitty friend to a quote unquote family reunion where she got plastered and cheated on her fiance. And I just wanted to do a couple clarifying notes because I'm getting absolutely dogged in the comments. Okay, firstly, it wasn't 100% a family reunion. It was more of just like a way of their family and friends and really anyone that wants to come and party and eat food to get together for a weekend and do that and have pass on and get plastered.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pause this.

[Mike Mitchell]

That's what she's getting dogged on.

[Stavros Halkias]

So they didn't have like matching T shirts. Like their family rented a cabin and it was just. It's kind of almost weirder to not be a family reunion because then it's just like kind of back to that chick who hangs out with the like, like old lady at the come over. It's kind of like, yeah, fuck it, my aunts and uncles are going to get up in a field, bring some.

[Mike Mitchell]

Pussy, bring some young trim.

[Stavros Halkias]

But anyway, okay, it's not technically a family reunion. I love.

[Mike Mitchell]

She's like, I'm getting dogged in the comments. Let me clear up some stuff. And that's the big clear up is the logistics of the party invite.

[Zach Cherry]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, okay, fine, it's not a family. Her family had a big ass. Your family had a big ass party. Fine, sorry, go ahead.

[Caller 3]

Secondly, her fiance and her were having a really hard time. And while I'm not justifying her actions by saying that, I think what she did was her way of getting back at her fiance. Which is gross because they literally have a full ass kid together. But I digress. While I don't like that she did embarrass me and my boyfriend at this get together, I can't just immediately drop her Stavi and everyone in the comments that are telling you to do so. I can't do that because one, her daughter sees me as an aunt and I love that little kid so much and kill me not fair.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's fair. That's a great point.

[Caller 3]

We live five minutes down the road from each other, so logistically just wouldn't work.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're losing me again.

[Caller 3]

I really don't want to because I've known this bitch my entire childhood and adulthood she's been with me and I love her and I really just don't want to drop her because she made one really, really shitty decision.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is it one though?

[Caller 3]

And the reason that her being invited next year was even a question was because his family really liked my best friend's daughter and so did all the other little kids and they wanted her to come back.

[Mike Mitchell]

The chick who's loose as because we love her kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

I bet the guy who got head in a porta potty it's isn't putting up too many protestations and either.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, no, don't invite her back. She people when she just meets him at the party. We can't have someone like that making everyone's time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Better question.

[Caller 3]

And then lastly, just because I'm not immediately ditching my best friend of 12 years doesn't mean I'm going to get drunk and cheat on my boyfriend. I know right from wrong.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did we accuse her of that?

[Caller 2]

I guess they probably did in the comments.

[Stavros Halkias]

The comments. Okay, okay.

[Caller 3]

Drop a bitch immediately for making a super shitty decision.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, she sounds really defeated.

[Caller 3]

Her and her fiance are still together, so.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, until there's enough fucking clues for him to watch this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, so you sound pretty f. Listen, you don't got to explain to me being annoyed by Internet commenters.

[Mike Mitchell]

I know you don't got to explain that. Or having a scumbag friend that you're still friends with. Life. Yeah. Did you check that friend for five other people?

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, why don't you check out the performers list at the Riad comedy? Some close personal friends that were making yucks for the royal family, which it.

[Zach Cherry]

Was essentially a family reunion.

[Stavros Halkias]

Some of my friends, you know, making.

[Mike Mitchell]

More money than my parents ever made.

[Stavros Halkias]

And yes, just literally being in comedy, I am friends with people who are monsters but. But they're fucking hilarious. And I gotta say, sometimes that's enough for me. So we get it. We totally. And look, sorry you got cooked in the comments. I don't remember what we said. That was a while ago. It's Christmas after all.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, but if you don't want to get cooked in the comments of a podcast, you could not call in like the second you open, you're opening. That Pandora's box is a two way door, you know?

[Eldis Hodge]

What?

[Mike Mitchell]

I mean, like, I don't. That's like three pun, three different metaphors through it all. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pandora's box is really a one way thing.

[Mike Mitchell]

You can subdiv. You got to go into the box, baby.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think you go into the box at all like a Ghostbusters, but I think that's fair. I. Look, I don't remember exactly what we told you. I'll be honest with you. And we probably just were having a good. Once Dan's in there, you know, we get the riffing. We probably tore you to shreds and you didn't deserve. Is weird though that your friend, you know, some guy at the family. Family. Even if it's not a reunion at the family party. Who. She's a plus one.

[Eldis Hodge]

Yeah.

[Caller 2]

Fucking a guy and fighting and making people watch your kids while you disappear for a long time.

[Mike Mitchell]

Well, fucking a guy at something that your kid is also at. And like, like there is like. That's wild. That's a wild move.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a bit of a wild move.

[Mike Mitchell]

And.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I get what you're saying. Like you. Like we said, we have friends who are pieces of shit that are still in our lives. And we're not even saying your friend's a total piece of shit. It's probably really stressful to have a kid, especially in a bad, weird relationship.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she's probably letting off a little steam, you know.

[Zach Cherry]

Also, it sounds like you're not that mad about it anymore. The comment. The comments aren't like a change.org position petition where you have to do what they do. You can just kind of ignore them and hang out with your friends.

[Mike Mitchell]

I trust you. Who I think is a crazy person because you called into a podcast.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, right, right.

[Mike Mitchell]

That like already labels you. I trust you more than someone who comments on a podcast video. They're even crazier than people call in.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so I would say just like, you know, chill. It's no big deal, you know. Yeah. She fucked up. Now would I maybe chill on the invite next year?

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Especially like imagine. Imagine her and her fiance do put it all on, you know, I guess he cheated on her, she cheated on him. Let's say it's even. You think he wants her attending the place she fucked some guy. Yeah. No, your friend's kid can make friends at Elsewhere. You know what I mean?

[Eldis Hodge]

Like, or leave the kid at home and the person there, that's fine too.

[Stavros Halkias]

The kid or your friend goes, yeah, yeah, you go with the kid. She. You get to watch her for a Couple.

[Mike Mitchell]

How far apart are these parties? Because at some point, a fiance should be a husband. But it doesn't sound like they're rushing if they already have a kid. It's like, what are you rushing? Just health insurance.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I got. I got a hunch that their jobs don't include health insurance.

[Mike Mitchell]

Wait, did you say head in a portable potty? Was that the actual spec?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's just, you know, little.

[Mike Mitchell]

That's my dream.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah. Finally blowing a guy in a porta potty. Oh, I didn't even think I could be the guy getting my dicks up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Something about that smell makes my mouth water like it's a cop's gun. I think that's going to do it for us. Wow. Oh, our sleigh is here, isn't it, Eldis? Oh, wrong button. Whatever you well have. Merry Christmas, everyone.

[Mike Mitchell]

Slay king.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fellas, thank you so much for coming. Anything you guys want to plug? It's Christmas after all.

[Eldis Hodge]

Put down so many reindeer. Sorry, boys.

[Stavros Halkias]

After every.

[Mike Mitchell]

Yeah, we're making a huge batch of reindeer tacos.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's tr.

[Mike Mitchell]

I learned this recipe from Rogan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Check out the fellas. They're the best. Thank you. Thank you for watching Stavi's World Christmas Special.

[Eldis Hodge]

Oops.

[Stavros Halkias]

All Santas. And we will catch you. Have a wonderful 2020. Well, next time we talk to you, it'll be 2026, folks. Look at that. Or actually, no, I think there's one more episode.

[Mike Mitchell]

There's Greek Christmas.

[Eldis Hodge]

Guys.

[Stavros Halkias]

Vardalos is a dream guest. We're still. I literally DM'd her to come to.

[Eldis Hodge]

When?

[Stavros Halkias]

When? Let's start a cult. When I was doing like a premiere of my movie in LA, I just cold DM'd. I was like, come on out. She's like, I would, but I'm. You know, she was busy or something. But My Big Fat Greek Wedding. A masterpiece. And on that note, enjoy your Christmas, everyone.

[Mike Mitchell]

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Mike Mitchell]

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[Stavros Halkias]

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[Mike Mitchell]

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[Stavros Halkias]

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[Eldis Hodge]

Sort of.

[Mike Mitchell]

My cousin Freddie showed up to surprise us.

[Eldis Hodge]

Oh.

[Mike Mitchell]

Sounds like a real nice surprise.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly.

[Mike Mitchell]

Exactly. So now I have to get him a gift, but I haven't gotten my bonus yet. So if we could make it something really nice, but also not break the bank, that'd be perfect.

[Stavros Halkias]

How about a Keurig for 50% off?

[Eldis Hodge]

Bingo savings all season.

[Mike Mitchell]

The holiday road is long.

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[Mike Mitchell]

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[Eldis Hodge]

Exclusions apply.