#164 - Robby Hoffman

Summary

Stavvy’s World Ep. #164 – With Robby Hoffman (Jan 19, 2026)

Main Theme:
Stavros Halkias welcomes comedian Robby Hoffman for a rollicking, candid chat about awkward first meetings, upbringings shaped by poverty and religion, coming out, the painful beauty of authenticity, and of course, helping listeners solve their wildest and weirdest personal problems.

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Episode Flow & Structure

• 00:50–21:18: Stav and Robby share rapport, awkward origin stories, growing up experiences, and comedic philosophies
• 23:34–44:34: Robby's family backstory—poverty, welfare, traditional Orthodox Jewish upbringing, the reality of non-parenting, food, and the value of money
• 44:34–51:36: Escaping poverty, studying accounting, finding standup, and Robby’s first break with tradition
• 51:36–62:56: Journey through identity—coming out as gay, negotiating religion, and the gradations of rebellion
• 68:04–111:58: Listener calls—controlling boyfriends, party/job status struggles, sudden inheritance, voting apathy and relationship clashes, a gay success story
• 112:13–end: Robby’s standup special is out, plugs, final laughs

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1. Main Theme Overview

Stavros and Robby dive deeply and comedically into themes of self-acceptance, weird upbringings, unruly family dynamics, and how early hardship informs drive, worldview, and finally, comedy. Robby’s new Netflix special, her unconventional path from Orthodox poverty to standup, and the challenge of breaking rules (kosher and otherwise) set the tone for this uproarious, warm, and insightful hang. Plus—call-in advice on love, control, jobs, windfall money, and political tension in relationships.

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2. Key Discussions & Insights

Awkward First Meetings and Podcaster Life

• Industry rituals: Waiting for podcasts to “get ready” is performative (“We need us to watch them do their job”—[01:21])
• Robby self-identifies as “cool, in spite of no chill” ([02:47])
• Comedy industry is rife with nerves, status anxieties, and overthinking personal interactions

Upbringing: Extreme Orthodoxy, Poverty & Non-Parenting

• Robby details growing up one of ten kids, on welfare, in an ultra-Orthodox home (Montreal via New York) ([14:06]):
  • “It’s like the Kardashians, but poor. There’s a lot of us, but yeah.” ([14:21])
  • “My mother would be there before the doctor was there... It’s so cold in Montreal... Security coming, opening the…” ([10:33])
• Respect for education (by necessity), but minimal resources and even less oversight:
  • “I was fully grown up by like seven... being five years old and changing my brother’s diaper.” ([30:40])
  • “My mother said, ‘She’s your responsibility from eight to four.’” ([31:31])
• Robby describes Jewish “parentified” children—kids raised by urgent circumstance, forced to maturity
• The “no parenting as the best parenting”—made all siblings “hungrier” for life ([40:09])

Traditions, Rebellion, and Gradual Exit from Orthodoxy

• First non-kosher meal: Egg McMuffin after a college exam—“I ended up having it every day for a month.” ([37:11])
• Living with OCD-like religious “rules” (e.g., kissing the mezuzah), but also a more spiritual, agnostic adult worldview
• Gradual, not radical, transition out of religious life—mirrored in family, school, and sexual identity ([46:52])

On Comedy, Work, and Authenticity

• Robby’s journey from accounting (“paid every two weeks!”) to standup ([47:04])
  • “I wouldn’t wish a calling on my worst enemy.” ([51:17])
• Value of authenticity: “What I love about people is them being them.” ([18:20])
• Stav and Robby both riff on the “great tragedy of success”—losing the ability to drift through life

Relationships, Coming Out, and Internalized Judgment

• Robby recounts denial about being gay—her “Italian girl” phase, brutal outing story, and internalized “check, check, check” of every form of phobia ([54:25], [59:30])
• On combining identities: “Jewish plus non-binary is a tough combo. Gotta let up on me.” ([60:22])
• Stresses the importance of not “over-accumulating” labels—embracing fluidity, humor, and imperfection

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3. Memorable Moments & Quotes

• On podcasting setups:
  “For some reason, I think the industry would fall apart. Like, they need us to watch them do their job.” – Robby ([01:21])

• On Jewish poverty:
  “How do you even get poor and Jewish anymore?... She had to go out of her way to fuck up so bad.” – Robby ([34:49])

• On childhood independence:
  “I was fully grown up by like seven... changing my brother’s diaper at five.” – Robby ([30:40])

• On escaping tradition:
  “All I wanted was like a nugget... I want a Happy Meal. I can't be happy too?” – Robby ([37:42])

• On authenticity:
  “That’s what I love about people, is them being them. Real authenticity.” – Robby ([18:20])

• On sudden wealth:
  “Put it all on red. Thank you. Exactly. And I wish you well.” – Robby ([97:33])

• On therapy, voting, and relationships:
  “With all of these calls, the approach is off… The problem is the country doesn't communicate… This is what the party... red vs blue... has done. It's divided—and it's by design. Wake up.” – Robby ([105:04], [106:00])

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4. Listener Call Advice – Major Segments & Timestamps

Call 1: Controlling Boyfriend ([68:04])

Situation: 19-year-old woman’s boyfriend wants her to block guy friends, has all her passwords
Advice:

• Robby: “You have to block him. You have to go to the police immediately.”
• Stav: Controlling behavior is a major red flag; get out now.

Call 2: The Cool Job vs. The Boring Spouse ([75:59])

Situation: Husband is an Alaska fisherman, wife is an environmental consultant who feels left out at parties because his job gets all the attention
Advice:

• Robby (wry): “She should just drop the word consulting. Say ‘environmental fracking.’”
• More seriously—he sounds more excited about himself than her job; raise her up, but also talk as a team.

Call 3: $9 Million Inheritance ([88:23])

Situation: Young man, “club promoter,” suddenly inherits $9 million; what should he do?
Advice:

• Both: Buy a house, invest the money, don’t go crazy.
• Robby: “Take a little bit off the top for something you like—like a watch.”
• Tweak: “Go nuts, go fucking nuts—put it all on red.” (joking)

Call 4: Voting Apathy vs. Political Identity ([97:56])

Situation: Girlfriend upset her partner doesn’t vote
Advice:

• Robby: Empathizes with apathy post-2016 (Bernie), says communication—not guilt—is essential.
• Stav: “If you think voting is important, talk to him. But being bitter isn’t the way to go.”
• “The problem is, the country doesn’t communicate”—apply that lesson to your relationship.

Call 5: Gay Success Story ([109:21])

A listener’s follow-up:
Credit to Stav for advice that helped him optimize his Grindr bio; now, “I began getting this fucking pussy torn open... just had three guys leave my apartment.”

• Both: Celebrate sex success; Robby: “I wish you well and leave women alone. The bisexual is over!” ([111:41])

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5. Notable Quotes (with Timestamps & Attribution)

• On anxious industry norms:

  • “If we came in and it was already set up, we would think he did nothing… they need us to watch them do their job.”
    – Robby ([01:21])

• On poverty and Jewish stereotypes:

  • “How do you even get poor and Jewish anymore? She had to go out of her way to fuck up so bad.”
    – Robby ([34:49])

• On religion’s impact:

  • “There's a way to do everything… the line gets blurry between OCD and religion.”
    – Robby ([26:12])

• On authenticity in comedy:

  • “What I love about people is them being them.”
    – Robby ([18:20])

• On controlling relationships:

  • “You have to block him. You have to go to the police immediately… This is unacceptable controlling behavior.”
    – Robby ([68:39])

• On navigating privilege & new money:

  • “Take a little bit off the top... the material world is fleeting, but if you have the means, enjoy it a little.”
    – Robby ([95:06])

• On political rage and communication:

  • “The system has fucked us over... The apathy is real. Communication is king.”
    – Robby ([105:11])

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6. Wrap-Up, Specials, and Closing Energy

• Robby’s Netflix special, Wake Up, is streaming. Directed by John Mulaney (“He called me, begging me to direct it” [64:57])
• Robby’s takeaway on life: “I’m literally living one of the greatest lives I’ve heard about recently, and it happens to be mine.” ([44:34])
• On money: "It is so much better. It really helps." ([45:01])
• Both comics stress gratitude, joy, and the value of communication, plus not taking yourself (or your upbringing, or your success, or your labels) too seriously.

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### Episode Highlights & Takeaways

• The messiness of awkward human interaction is universal—even among comedians
• Poverty, adversity, and nontraditional families can become unexpected sources of drive and humor
• Queer and religious identities are ever-evolving—humor and compassion go further than hard lines
• Authenticity, not perfection, is where the good stuff lives (“That’s what I love about people—being them.”)
• Listener advice: Boundaries > jealousy, self-worth > external validation, money is for security AND for some joy, and politics is best navigated through dialogue—not catechism.

Must-Watch/Listen Segments:

• Childhood/parenting stories ([10:30]–[31:30])
• First non-kosher meal ([37:11])
• Listener call on controlling boyfriend ([68:04])
• Sudden inheritance advice ([88:23])
• Voting & relationship chat ([97:56])
• Gay chaotically joyous success story ([109:21])

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Robby: “I wish you well and leave women alone. The bisexual is over. You have yourself a good time.”
Stav: “Congrats to our friend for getting his ass way more... equal accomplishment. Congrats to Robby with her Netflix special out—I think it’s neck and neck.” ([112:13])

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Go watch Robby Hoffman: Wake Up on Netflix, catch her on tour in select cities, and remember: Above all, be yourself. And if you can, be yourself AND rich.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Oh five. There it is. Welcome everybody. Establish world. Nine zero four eight hundred stop Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We have on the couch. Robbie Hoffman. Thanks for being here, Robbie.

[B]

Thanks for special. Always, always. You walk in and it's like I've been to so many. You see the guy getting ready.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

It's always like the producer of a podcast is like shocked that they have to record a podcast.

[A]

It's like somebody woke Eldis up in the middle of the night and it's like a scared straight program.

[B]

But that's actually, that's actually how they do it everywhere. Like, actually if they were just ready when you walked in, like, for some reason, I think the industry would fall apart. Like, they need to, they need us to watch them do their job.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Like, because if we, if we came in and it was already set up, we would think he did nothing. But because we saw him click, click, click, click, three buttons. He did that. He turned on a light, he put his own headphones on.

[A]

There's, there's a lot of disgusting stuff going on behind the cameras you guys.

[B]

Don'T need to know anything about.

[A]

You know, it's the theater of performance for all this. And mind you, we did a podcast moments before you got here. So it's not like he had to set up anything, but it was that he had to refocus. I didn't change. Why did my camera need to be refocused?

[B]

Like to go for those who don't know what's going on, there's a camera on a tripod and what they do is they just do that. They turn off and on Again. And it all takes 10, 12 minutes.

[A]

It takes too long.

[B]

Absolutely, it takes. And you're just sitting here. We don't know each other.

[A]

You don't know.

[B]

Yes, we could get here. We could talk shit, we could talk smack. But we don't know each other like that. In fact, I've this. And I haven't said this. I've been begging to get on your podcast.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

There's no other podcast. I wanted to. Because I feel. And I'm so. I said, he'll never have me on because I think we had. We had a weird interaction because I'm always weird. I can't be chill if I don't remember this.

[A]

So that's good.

[B]

Oh, this is good.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I have no chill. You know, people say, like, no chill. Like, just, you know, I've had friends all the time. Like, you have to check. I just. For some reason, I have no chill. And it's despite having no chill that I got here. It took me a lot longer than somebody who had no chill. And I recognize I got in my own way in that.

[A]

You think so?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Because I don't think you did. But what are you describing? When did we meet?

[B]

I think because Friedland's a good friend of mine. Adam.

[A]

Okay. Strike one.

[B]

Yeah, strike one. So. Exactly. Strike one.

[A]

So that might be a problem. Sure.

[B]

Okay. But then I met you somewhere. I really, really liked you. And I never tell anyone I like them or anything because. Because I'm trying to be chill.

[A]

I don't remember, like, an awkward interact. I remember, like, a brief.

[B]

What do you remember? Okay, tell me what you remember.

[A]

Like, you know, because we.

[B]

It didn't go well. I'll tell you. It didn't go well. I felt very. I felt I wasn't cool. Like, the thing is, is I'm like, I straight up.

[A]

And here's the other thing.

[B]

I'm accidentally cool. Like, I think I'm cool, but I'm not. Not due to the way that I behave.

[A]

No, certainly not.

[B]

It's like, because I would do the uncool thing where I'm like, sav, you're so funny.

[A]

Oh, I appreciate it.

[B]

And we just saw a movie with you that you were in it, and between me and you, and it had big people in it, but you were the best part.

[A]

I wasn't the best part. Now you're overdoing. No, I'm not overdoing it.

[B]

But, you see, this is the no.

[A]

Chill we're talking about. Two of the best actors living.

[B]

But you were A really fun part of the movie.

[A]

Thank you. I appreciate.

[B]

You know. And the movie you did, there's a lot of gratuitous. Okay. Of course. You. We want to see a woman begging. We want to see. Okay. It's important for me. Yeah. But you.

[A]

In any movie, I see you.

[B]

And I'll say this coming off the conversation of how annoying I feel around people sometimes, especially when I'm excited. Your character was. I saw myself most in that character of all the characters. He's kind of staying around. He wants to tour the spot. He's like, he wants to see. When I came in here, I'm like, you renting here? Like, is this your apartment? Like, I'm that type of thing. So I just thought, I get in my head, you know how we make a narrative like this whole story happened that you're saying, yeah. And I'm saying, ah, man. You see, it's again, another time where I like somebody. And I said, I shouldn't have said that. I like them because the fellas, it goes right to the heads.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Fellas don't like. Apparently guys.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You can't go up and you say you like them. Like, they think that that's like. I don't know. That they're too good. Immediately I got a sense. But I knew you weren't like that. So this one, I knew I screwed up.

[A]

No, no, I don't. I think for me it was more like, if anybody is too eff know what to. I'm like, exactly.

[B]

They don't know what to do.

[A]

It's not that I'm like, I like the compliment and I take it, but I'm just like, oh, cool. You know what I mean? Like, thanks.

[B]

And then I go, you stupid to me. I'm like, why did you even say anything? You can't like people from afar. And this is probably how people who come up to me and say something right. You know, and maybe I didn't say the right thing back. I try and have empathy for myself in them where they probably walk away and go, why did I say that to Robbie? Or. Or something. By the way, if you had an interaction with me and you think it didn't, I forgive you. Give grace. You're doing the best you can. You saw Robbie Hoffman. You got excited. I saw staff. I got excited. It happens.

[A]

This is why you're saying this to yourself. It happens over us meeting, which I don't remember going back.

[B]

So I'm so happy. So I never go through all of these things. They all happen. Through friends and stuff.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I went through people, right? I said. They said, is there anything for the special? Because Netflix has you going here, they have you going there. Is there anywhere you want to talk about your special? I said, I'd love. I'd love to go on staff, but I don't think I had such an interaction where I gave him a compliment. By the way.

[A]

By the way, was I weird? Did I take the compliment?

[B]

No, I think I was, too. I have to take a deep. I have a thing where I. Again, I'm cool in spite of having no chill. I am the only one of the only people I know cool in spite of having no chill. I just didn't even think about it. I saw you and I just didn't even think about it. Like many people who probably see us on the street.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Okay, first of all, some of you may take this from us and start to think about it. I've started to think about. I don't just run up to everyone and you should also start to think about it. However, if you do not think about it and you see me in the street and you come up and you had. It's fine. Trust me. It's.

[A]

Have you been having weird interactions on this?

[B]

No, I don't think they're weird. That's why it's fine.

[A]

Yeah, I think if you walk away.

[B]

And you think it was weird or I didn't like what you said to me or whatever, get that done, it's over.

[A]

I agree with you. I agree with you. The only way it can be bad is if you overstay. If we.

[B]

I've done that before.

[A]

If we have a nice.

[B]

I have done that before.

[A]

Yeah, sure, sure, sure. If we have a nice. Especially when it's like, hey, nice to meet you, big fan. Whatever. It's like, oh, thank you very much. I'll take a picture. I'll. I'll even chat for a little bit. But when there's that natural break.

[B]

Take the natural break.

[A]

I gotta go.

[B]

You're learning.

[A]

I gotta go somewhere. I'm. I'm usually. I'm always late. That's another thing. I'm always late. So I have a, like, worried, angry face at myself. If you see me in the street and I wonder sometimes.

[B]

No, I was embarrassed myself. Because it is where we're in this industry, where we don't. We can be, you know, we're doing it, but we're also fans of each other's work. Sometimes from afar, or we meet through frenemies or whatever. It Is. And it's an awkward thing. It's his enemy, my enemy.

[A]

And your enemy isn't my enemy.

[B]

Okay. And so it's this awkward thing where. Where we've gotten cool and jaded. We don't have to say, but some. Sometimes once in a while there's somebody with a little something that I really. I'm like, you'd like to have and I do do it. I break my rule of like, whatever. Not that it's even a rule. I'm just. You're jaded, naturally. We do this all the time.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But sometimes I get to feel that innocence again. Oh, I'm excited too. And it's just nice to lean in. So I'm glad that you've reassured me that it was nothing. Just like when people see me and they probably spiral. Did I say the right thing that I. I brought up, you know, this. That it's all good. Baby. Baby.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I agree. I fully agree.

[B]

You know, it's funny that you're always late. I thought I would be late here because. Because, you know, packed day. Yeah, a packed day. But also, you know, between the subway and, you know, but so I said, will you message him and say that we're running tight? I was on time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

See, my own time. I think that's late.

[A]

I know. Yeah.

[B]

So that's. That's how I operate.

[A]

I'm like, have you always been. Was that like, about being on time?

[B]

Well, my mother. My mother had such a reverence for anybody wealthy growing up. Especially like we had a doctor appointment once a year for school.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

You had to get like a clean bill of health, like a checkup. If the school didn't require it, we never would have been at the doctor. So thank God the school, like you.

[A]

Have to school is this. What kind of school? Just whatever.

[B]

Yeah, I didn't go to public school. I went to it. No, I went to a Jewish private school, all girls school and then a regular Jewish school.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

Public school up in Canada.

[A]

Where'd you grow up?

[B]

Yeah, I'm. Well, I'm born in New York and then I grew up in Montreal.

[A]

Oh, interesting.

[B]

So, yeah, small Jewish school that required that you could do, you know, whatever. You can go to school.

[A]

That's good because a private school, sometimes they will really. They'll askew. Basic health stuff. So it's good they made you go to the doctor.

[B]

Oh, yeah. This was a good school I went to. This was like a really expensive school that we got subsidy to go on in Canada. In Canada. Yeah. Which by virtue, yes, it's a Jewish perk. I'll say that. I went to a good school, thank God, by the way. It's been exposed now. But I'll be the first to say I benefited from that. And it was a fantastic education. And thank God it sent me to the doctor. But my mother would be there before the doctor was there. Like, we would take the bus because she didn't want to fuck up us going to the school. They're taking you at the school. This is the type of paperwork you need. We're not paying anything. You know, you can't be someone who.

[A]

Can afford a cab or a car. You have to take the bus.

[B]

Well, yeah, my mother also didn't have a license. We took. We. We. We took the bus. But no, but also she was going to get the paperwork and she was going to get everything in. They're already taking us free. We don't need problems that she didn't get the medical or whatever else. So we get there and it's like literally seven in the morning, maybe our appointments at night, like. And it's so cold in Montreal. You have to understand, it's like minus 40. The building isn't open. Doctors, but it's not. Yeah, the building's not open. Yeah, we would see them opening the building. Security coming, opening the. I'm like, ma, the doctor's not here. And she's like, I brought a book, you. And I remember she just had such a reverence that this is a doctor. Like, even we went to the checkup. It was me. I remember three of my brothers. I have a brother eight year older, a brother two years older, a brother three years older. And we would all sit on the doctor's. Is it the bed or the bench?

[A]

That weird little bench. Yeah, that elevated. With the. With the.

[B]

It's weird that it doesn't have his tone.

[A]

It does not have a designation that I can.

[B]

Because I know I've heard of a city or a chaise long. They have fancy names.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Inter. Is it a chair? Is it.

[A]

I think there was a moment.

[B]

Love seat.

[A]

There was like, historically, couches. There were many different types of couches. People took couch taxonomy a lot more seriously back in the day. Now I think everything's a couch, but that's a bed. Let's say the doctor's bench, right? Bench with the weird paper, right?

[B]

Yeah, with the paper. So we're all in the paper in our underwear.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You know, everybody's.

[A]

Everyone's lined up.

[B]

Yeah, everybody's. Like, you know, 9, 10, 11, 12, whatever. Yeah. Me and my brothers would go. I can't remember which point. You know, she went. Sometimes I went with other siblings, whoever she could take and get the forms done. And we're all sitting there, and you have to get weighed, and you do the knee thing. And the doctor is a doll. And he's so fun.

[A]

What's he like? Do you remember? I remember my. My PD Dr. Salihi. Shout out to him, Dr. Rothstein.

[B]

He actually got. We actually went to him. He was free, but he ended up getting Alzheimer's. And we were actually still seeing him when he was. But my mother really went to the hospital.

[A]

They check up every three times, back to back to back. He forgets. He's.

[B]

No, exactly. Like he was already. My mother was like, he's really. But he's what we have, and he'll sign the paper. So. But we went. And I remember she was going down the line. The doctor was going down the line. My mother's, like, looking. The doctor was like, you know, gets to My brother Shmuley was like, he's a hefty boy. Yeah, he's. He's doing good. He's doing good. Healthy. I hope he has a wonderful school year. We'll see him next year. You know, they get to my brother Menachem. He's a little small. He's in the. They would give you a percentile. Like, you know, he's. He's a little. He's a little on the skinny side. Nothing to worry about. Tell my mother, Connie. Nothing to worry about. Just the kind of thing. Make sure he's finishing his plate.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That sort of thing.

[A]

Get to me. Have his dessert.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. You know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Rifka. She's looking at my given name. She's. She's looking average. She's looking good. Okay, kids, I'll see you next year. Have a. Have a great year. At school, the doctor would leave. My mother would be like, get dressed. Get dressed. We're, like, getting dressed. And she would pull my brother Menachem's pants. Okay. You don't weigh enough. Yelling at him like he has anything to do. He's 8 years old. Like he has anything to do with what he weighs. Embarrassing me in front of the doctor because she already felt bad. Like, we're on welfare now she's starving us. Like we, you know, she prioritized food.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My mother was always cooking. We always had a ton.

[A]

Well, how many siblings are we talking here?

[B]

I have nine siblings.

[A]

Nine is Nuts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're doing. You're doing the like, Jewish version of being Amish, basically.

[B]

Exactly, yeah. Old school. Exactly.

[A]

So you. You grew up very traditional, I'm guessing the like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Orthodox.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's like the Kardashians, but poor. Yeah. There's a lot of us, but yeah. I remember my brother, man, the whole bus ride home. You don't weigh enough. Embarrassing me in front of the doctor like that. Like, you're the one who feeds it. Like, now thinking back, and we were all like, hitting him. We're like, you don't weigh enough.

[A]

You make mom look like an idiot in front of the doctor.

[B]

She's not.

[A]

Who doesn't remember his own name.

[B]

Literally. Literally. And so. So the late has a lot to do with the reverence of, like, you don't waste a doctor's time. You don't waste like somebody wealthy's time. Somebody. Anything's time. And now to me, that's. That's just become. You don't waste anyone's time.

[A]

Not a bad thing.

[B]

No, it's not a bad thing.

[A]

Is not bad. I think I. Greek culture is not a very, like, beyond time culture. My best. I mean, all my. I hired my friends, right, to like.

[B]

You notice that?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You can tell by how unprofessional everything is not. And Eldis is Albanian. He's the only non Greek. And all my. Literally, my friend, who's essentially she, by the way.

[B]

For the rest of us, we think it's the same thing. Yeah. We don't.

[A]

I don't know. Let's not get crazy.

[B]

You know?

[A]

No, no, no. Elders, you take that back.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And I. For the record, I'll just celebrating being thought of as Greek, everyone. I want that on the record as well.

[B]

You're trying to get out of white over there. If the Jews can't get out, you can't get out.

[A]

Oh, they're trying to get. They're taking it away from you. Don't worry, it's not really get out of it for Jews.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's.

[B]

Yeah, they.

[A]

They. They give it every. Every like 10 years. You're up for renewal.

[B]

We got the visa.

[A]

This decade, it seems like it's out.

[B]

Seems like it's, you know, this decade. I think we got the white card.

[A]

You think you got it? You think you got it? I think what the Trump from first. From first election, I think you're kind of up in 26. Is really from 16. Once Trump got elected, I feel like they yanked it for a while.

[B]

Yeah. They might have yanked it. You know what it's. But you're definitely sitting there with a white card.

[A]

But yes, everyone is late. And like, literally my. All my. Even friends of mine who are successful, they're just. And I had that problem and I've tried to be better about.

[B]

No, you just have to be who you are.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's the whole thing. It's like, it's like stand up. Like some people are annoyed or, you know, they. Oh, I don't like this guy. I don't like. For instance, for me, I love Pete Davidson.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Okay. People were like, oh, you really. I'm like, I really found his special to be just darling. I enjoyed watching it. I was delighted. I found myself just with a smirk on my face and I enjoyed it. But I'm the complete antithesis to that type of comedian. He's laid back, he's chill, he smokes a cig. He goes up there. He's just. I write a lot, do a lot, am a lot. It's kind of like you can be the Pete Davidson chill going in or you can be the Taylor Swift type. You're putting out a lot, you're writing a lot, you're doing a lot. And I like both of them.

[A]

Taylor Swift.

[B]

I'm in. Yes. I'm in the Taylor Swift camp where I try a lot, I do a lot, but I love the chill dudes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who. Who just come out with a guitar too, and don't. I can like it. Both. Just know who you are and that's fine.

[A]

Well, the Pete Davidson thing's interesting because, you know, you say it's antithesis of a comedian, but I could also say.

[B]

No, antithesis of me as a comedian.

[A]

Yes. Right. But I mean, even as a person, to me, what you're describing, your. Your upbringing to me like a. Like sort of like trash coated, like East Coast Pete. I'm saying, like, he's like, you know, the.

[B]

I was like, what'd you say?

[A]

No, no, no. Certainly not. I mean like a guy. You're not tattooed. Drugs. Right around.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Kind of just seems to be a hat. Seems to have gotten everything from being a good hang.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the exact opposite. 12 children that were birthed in an assembly in a Jewish assembly.

[B]

And I was a goody two shoes.

[A]

And a good student.

[B]

And I've never done drugs. Yeah. And. And I. I like it all, but I like them to be like, I don't want you now that I know you're always Late. If you're on time, I'd be worried. I'm like, I want you to be the most. You like? What I love about people is them being them.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I would be worried.

[A]

Real authenticity.

[B]

Yeah. I would be worried if suddenly you're on time. Like, is he good? Like, is he going through it? Is he sad?

[A]

Like, that's true. Actually, when I'm. When I'm really on time and really about work, which is actually kind of what we're in the middle of right now, I'm not that happy because it's like I've taken time away from my essence.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To make sure that work gets done.

[B]

Yeah. That's terrible. No, no, no. You got to be distracted. You got to be carried away. You got to be. Oh, you know, what's. What's that smell? Let's check out what they're cooking in there. Dinner went late. We had drinks. Then I saw somebody ran into.

[A]

That's always ran into an old pal when you can leave. I do love living my life that way. And actually, the great tragedy of success is that it's taken away the ability to just sort of float through life, really. Which I don't. I want to get back to. Like, I want to plan around being able to just. Yeah. Because I also definitely identify with my great. I think I'm good at stuff, but I think my good skill is hanging out. Ultimately, it's just having a good time figuring it out.

[B]

Well, if you. And. And I don't want to. I don't want to discourage you from hiring your friends and things like that.

[A]

But if you hire people, this is on thin eyes.

[B]

There is a world. There is a world in Savvy's world where you hire people who can assume more of the responsibilities.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Right. You can delegate some of the worky stuff.

[A]

True.

[B]

To them. If they could take on that responsibility, which would free you up to be who you're supposed to be. Which is. Which is why people pay to see you in the whole thing for the hang. So there is a world in Savvy's world where we upgrade the staff. Or the staff step up, I like to think. Or the staff step up.

[A]

This is great.

[B]

And understand that he's expressing a need in his life by all the extra, extra work.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

And I'll tell you, there's no work without him. You don't have a job without him.

[A]

Oh, yeah, Listen to that. Here's the thing. If I wasn't here. Stop. Wouldn't be as grounded as he is he's grounded plenty dance.

[B]

That's fine.

[A]

That is true. I actually do. There is the great trade off of like having your friends around also means some people can actually talk to you like a human being. Whereas like I'm sure you, you know, you see people who in entertainment, it's like they're surrounded by people who depend on them for everything and also can't cross or like can't.

[B]

I can't wait. See, I'm somebody. I can't wait to sell out as soon as humanly possible. I'm sick of all you people and I'm ready for an upgrade. I'm ready for Delta Comfort.

[A]

I get that.

[B]

I'm ready.

[A]

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[B]

It's really bad.

[A]

We're talking bunk beds. What are we talking? Yeah, bunk beds.

[B]

Yeah, we're talking bunk beds. We're talking. The bunk is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sinking. And I'm like, mom, I could get crushed to death. Like, this is a real.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, this is a real concern. I'm like.

[A]

Like, what did your parents do? Like, you're.

[B]

Nothing. We were on welfare.

[A]

Oh, wow. Your dad didn't do anything either.

[B]

My father wasn't in the picture. On and off.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

My father was in the picture in the beginning and he studied every.

[A]

Well, he was in the picture every nine months or so.

[B]

It sounds like, well, he would pop back in. But they didn't. They gave it all to God.

[A]

My parents almost like super religious.

[B]

Yeah. It's like they just give it to God. Like, if God wants us to eat, will eat.

[A]

Wow. That's crazy.

[B]

Like, it's. They give it to God. So however we were on welfare and, you know, which is. I love when people, like, you know, people take advantage of the system. Like these people living on welfare. Yes. My parents are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But just. They had 10 kids. I'm seven. I'm going. I had nothing to do with this. I agree with you.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love to get off the dole.

[B]

I agree with you. But I can't even work yet.

[A]

I know. That's my. My big. I actually, weirdly, there was a moment in my life where I thought I might do something good for the world instead of selfishly entertain. And I was into welfare policy a lot. That's what I studied. And I couldn't understand why people took it out on the kids. It's like, these kids are actually so much so fucked. Like, the odds of these kids are already so fucked that it's like you're going to cut back their fucking parents. Oh, you're really going to show their parents by making sure their kids have an even shittier life than the parents. It's so.

[B]

It's like for me to even be sitting here with you and everything I did today, it's like from where I come from, it's just like Michael Jordan proportions.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

In terms of. Yeah. And it's just. Yeah, I agree with you. My parents are fucked.

[A]

Probably shouldn't have had that many Kids.

[B]

I agree. There was no. You know, I asked my mother, how did you have all these kids? She's like, it seems like every time I went to bed, I woke up pregnant. I'm like, that's the grossest thing I've ever heard. Close your legs.

[A]

You got no afforded 10 kids and.

[B]

It'S like, give it to God. He's not giving you much.

[A]

No. After the first five, you saw that God wasn't giving. He wasn't given much, at least, you know, I said Amish, but it's like, at least the Amish were using those kids to build bars.

[B]

They're building.

[A]

Yeah. You. You weren't doing. You. What are you studying?

[B]

Studying ancient texts. It's like, not applicable. It's not helpful.

[A]

Ye. That's what I mean. What's your relationship to. Are you religious anymore?

[B]

Because, you know, here's the whole thing. Gabby says, my wife Gabby says that I'm the most religious person she's ever met. You know, I grew up. Now I equate like, being religious to like induced OCD or something because, like, there's a way to do everything. There's so many little, like, traditions and laws, you know. For instance, kissing the mezuza when you walk in the door. I still do that. I'm not an animal. So there's certain things, you know, but. But it starts to. The line gets blurry between OCD and religion. I think for now, like, if people ask me if I believe in God or whatever, I definitely think there's. I think it's. There's something bigger. I. I think, you know, when somebody asked me about the afterlife or things like that, I think it's as crazy that we're here living this earth, that there could be an afterlife. Yeah, there's nothing I don't believe in. Almost is the thing, like anything you tell me, like I could get into it because I just don't know anything.

[A]

But you're not still studying.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I don't do that. But I definitely give it to God, but I don't know what God is. Yeah, maybe it's an energy. Maybe it's. It's forces. Maybe it's everything coming together, just something larger. I don't know.

[A]

Was there like a definitive moment for you where you were like. Because you're primed to, you know, rebel against. Not only is like.

[B]

Well, I remember the first time I ate not kosher.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Because growing up as a kid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All the non Jewish kids, after school, whatever, they had like a McDonald's Happy Meal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was in that little house.

[A]

Sure, I remember the house.

[B]

And as a kid, I'm just like, I want a Happy Meal. I can't be happy too.

[A]

Yeah, it's literally called the Happy Meal.

[B]

Can't be happy too. We felt like we were like denied happiness.

[A]

What are your lunches looking like? What's mom packing in there?

[B]

A peanut butter sandwich, four saltine crackers. And now Gabby says that all the snacks I like are so Soviet Union. Because I like. I'll take a sleeve of saltines with some peanut butter and call it a day. I just don't understand.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's like, I haven't seen saltines in so long.

[A]

No, that is a complete poverty food.

[B]

Yeah. So. But you know, I still. I love the. Anyway, and if I'm splurging, I'll do the Ritz. You know, I like to. The Ritz is the upgrade. To me, the Ritz is. Yes, sure, sure.

[A]

That's. Yeah, that's flexing.

[B]

But wait, what were we just saying?

[A]

The rebellion the first time you ate nakosha.

[B]

No. So I really. All I wanted was like a nugget. It. Growing up, if I like just a waft of that smell.

[A]

Oh, they were the best.

[B]

Right? So then I remember I was. I was in college in. In Montreal I went to after high school. You have something called cgip. It's called. It's like. Anyway, I was in college.

[A]

A year program.

[B]

Yeah, it's like a year program. You do university for three years and you do this year program. Year or two program.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Before. Anyway, then they call that college and then university.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

So I would. I was studying and I was starving. I just had an exam. No, I had it like at 8 o' clock or something.

[A]

And what are we studying in college?

[B]

Accounting.

[A]

Accounting. Really? I mean, we're just.

[B]

Well, because I didn't think I was gonna go to school.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. Because my mother would, you know, we weren't taught to dream or anything. If anything, we were discouraged. My mother would say, school's not for everyone.

[A]

School's not for everyone.

[B]

It was like, you know, a racket. It was expensive. She always got us into this private school, but that was gonna be it.

[A]

And so. So what's the goal is growing up?

[B]

Because they weren't going to let us in free there. We went to a Jewish private school that let us go for free and they reminded us every year. It was just. It was horrible.

[A]

But what's your mom like? What do they want for You, I guess nothing.

[B]

There was no expectations of us, really. Zero.

[A]

So they're just, to them, like their base, they're just existing. And to them is. What you do is just have 10 kids. Like, it's insane to me to have that many kids without. There's no thought being like. I mean, it's not like zealots have that many kids, but your. Your parents sound like sort of like ambivalent zealots. Like, it's the weirdest combination of anything I could think.

[B]

There was no thought. Like, you know, people read parenting books and this and that. There was no. There was not a thought. But there wasn't even like, even when I got into school, I remember being 18, I was like, ma, I applied to school, I got it. She goes, I can't do all that. You'll have to pay for your own bus pass if you move out. And so that was it.

[A]

That's fascinating that they wouldn't want you to go to fucking school.

[B]

It's good. They want you to work, get a job.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We just didn't.

[A]

Was the plan that you would stay at home and everybody pools?

[B]

No, everybody moved out at 17 or 18.

[A]

Moves out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is the most bizarre setup I've ever heard.

[B]

You're like. I was fully grown up by like seven. I mean, I remember being five years old and changing my brother's diaper. My brother. I was small in my family, and one of my little brothers was as big as me, but he was a year young, a year and a half younger.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I remember he must have been three and he was like potty training. But sometimes he would need a diaper at night or a pull up, and I would hoist him onto the table, get his legs up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I'm only five.

[A]

I mean, that's.

[B]

So we were really respected and talked to us. You know, there's. There's a parentified aspect certainly to it, but there was also a respect to it. My mother, the school called me because I. I had trouble at, you know, being the poor kid at the rich school. Of course, I always, like, was. It just felt uncomfortable.

[A]

You're also the weird kid, I would guess.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Because it's like, because you have all your siblings, they're the poor ones, and there's 18 of them.

[B]

Yeah. And my brothers were always getting in trouble for, like, violence. Like, they were always, like, beating each other up. And I was like the. You know, and it was just. And my mother, though, let's say they would call the School. My mother would be like, she's your responsibility from eight to four. Like, when my mother would say, what happened at school? I'm like, ma, that teacher, she's fucking crazy. And she'd be like, I know she's crazy. She is. She's off. I met her. She's off. But can you just be good? This is such. My mother was like, please just shut up and listen to her. This is an amazing opportunity for you. Don't you know? Don't you know? This could be a great opportunity.

[A]

Young, right? Your parents have kids. Yeah. So it's like. Did it feel like they're your roommates more than anything?

[B]

No. It just felt like I remember being 10 and looking around and seeing my mother and being like, I gotta get out. Yeah, there's nothing doing. This is not good.

[A]

Are there uncles, aunts? Is there any. Any shining light in the family?

[B]

I had an Uncle Rob in Vermont, but we didn't see him often. And that's how I get my name, Robbie. Because when I was starting to do standup, I had this accounting job. And the reason I. Again. And see, we came back to it very naturally. See, yeah, I'm a weaver. But we've come back is I grew up so poor that when I got into school and we were taught school was a scam, which it is.

[A]

It is.

[B]

My mother was a higher education, but she said, like, you have to. You know, what are you gonna. If you go to school, it has to be for something you don't know how to do. So, you know, art. You go to the library, take out books. What do you need? It's all free. So I asked the academic advisor, what's the least amount of school for the most amount of payoff? And she said, if you go into accounting, they'll give you a job this summer. You could get paid internship. So that really spoke to me. And then I interviewed at an accounting firm, and they gave me a laptop for keeps. I was like, for keeps. And so they gave me the laptop I was in.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And that was my first time having the laptop, which. Imagine how people ask me, like, what's your. What's your life like now? You're having such a moment. I've had so many moments. One was when I got my laptop. It's not like the other kids didn't have a laptop. Yeah, every kid but me had a laptop.

[A]

Wow. Holy fuck.

[B]

So it's not even like I grew up. Oh, there was no laptops. Everybody had a laptop. It was bizarre to be printing the Teacher's lesson. And then. Right. You know, I would print the slides and then write on notes on them instead of directly in the notes on the slides.

[A]

And what do you. What's entertainment like? Like even you don't have a laptop. Is there. Is there like a one TV that everybody.

[B]

We had one tv.

[A]

Were they strict about what you could.

[B]

Nothing. Watched everything. Oz. My mother was. She was asleep at. Well, first of all, we weren't as religious by this point. By the time that we're sharing the one tv.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

My mother left this community.

[A]

Dad's not around.

[B]

Yes. So my parents marriage fell apart. That's when we moved to Canada.

[A]

We have still got trash coated. Let's take the coated out out.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

Let's just go ahead and.

[B]

Yeah. You don't.

[A]

People don't think there's white everyone. They don't.

[B]

People, they don't think of it. But by the way. And they shouldn't think of it. I didn't think of it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I go, how do you get. How are you even poor and Jewish anymore? I remember growing up and looking at my mother. How do you even get poor and Jewish anymore? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's almost unheard of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like she had to go out of her way to fuck up so bad.

[A]

True.

[B]

Like we were so close. You hear you're born in New York. You're like, that's pretty good. Oh, it's Jewish. Okay. Is looking up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Welfare. What the. Went down.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Where did we go wrong?

[A]

Totally. Because if you had stayed in New York at least like you're at least in the weird insular religious community which is up in its own right. But it's like something, you know, there's something going on there. You guys were so insight. The way you're describing is no man's land.

[B]

Yes. We were the most New York kids to move to Canada ever. And we went to this new. With this. Some of us got every. Most people went to public school. But a few of us were able to go to this. What my mother thought was like this great school, private school. And it was a very good school. And thank you, Ma. I'm not resentful if you're listening, which she's not. But I'm just saying that, you know, it was a bizarre. You know, it made me feel way poorer than I ever was.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

You know, I'm like, oh, I would come home from school, I'd be like, oh, it's really bad here. Like, I'm like, ma, somebody's got to be.

[A]

No, I get thinking about this.

[B]

So that's why I ended up in accounting, because gave me a job. I was paid every two weeks.

[A]

And you are. And also to go back to that for. You're studying for accounting. What is this first meal? This non kosher meal.

[B]

Wow, look at us weaving. You're actually an underrated podcast.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And I know you're pretty. Like, people think that. Oh, you're really, you know, you're up there. Everybody knows about it. He could actually have more. No, he could actually have more from your. Sometimes they say people are. Yeah, I. I'll. So I was. I had an exam. Probably like an 8 to 10 or a 10. A very early exam. And I was starving after. And there was no kosher food by my school. It was downtown. Now I was commuting downtown.

[A]

And there's no population.

[B]

Montreal, there's a population. But, you know, it's. It's insular. Like anything else. You get kosher food. You have to.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And I was starving, and I was just kind of looking up this McDonald's there, and I said, that's it. That is it.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I am sick of this. And I walked in and I heard about the Egg McMuffin.

[A]

Wow. Oh, nice.

[B]

From Big Daddy.

[A]

I watched Big Daddy, Daddy's great movie.

[B]

And I thought in my head, I thought, breakfast is closing. I don't know what time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Thank God they were open. It was probably. It had to be before 11 at the time I get there, I said, breakfast is still. This is breakfast still serving. And I got egg McMuffin with bacon.

[A]

Wow. You went the whole way. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I got the two little latkes, the. The hash browns. And I ended. And it was. Was unbelievable. And I had it every day for a month. And my first job, I started working at McDonald's. And I ate McDonald's every day.

[A]

Whatever the internship.

[B]

No, this is. This was before. The end of the internship was after college.

[A]

Okay. So the first. Your first job was McDonald's.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Hilarious. So you go from E. And that was the first.

[B]

Every single day.

[A]

First non kosher meal.

[B]

First non kosher meal I had was going to. I just was. That was it. We weren't kosher.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And nothing happened. And it was fine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I don't know still, but.

[A]

I'm hoping you could be playing the long game.

[B]

I know. I know. You don't know.

[A]

Giving you all this cool stuff.

[B]

No. And I already feel like I'm gay. I got to be careful. Like you know, I'm getting away with murder. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely, I'm getting away. But I do feel like even with coming out gay and not being cultural, like for some reason my relationship with God, whatever, that I feel like if there is a God, like, I feel like he fucks with me. Like I feel like he's just like, what are you gonna do? It's Ravi. Like, I feel like he doesn't really. Like he's not as hard on me. Like he's like, well, that's Ravi. Like, I feel like we get along, we just. Yeah, we just respect each other and that's just how it is.

[A]

That's a very interesting look at it because it's like, is that your way of processing having good luck? You know?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because like your circumstances are one thing also just entertainment in general. I mean, I struggle that too. Where I'm like, the way I process it is just like I won a lottery ticket.

[B]

Yes, exactly.

[A]

So. But I don't think of that as me and God are boys, you know, But I do.

[B]

I think he fucks with. You know what, I'm getting worded now and I think he's like, delma, come over, I'll hang.

[A]

Yeah, I'm down to chat with God.

[B]

But he just went grocery shopping. Like it's a stocked house. Yeah, no, I always feel like he just. So maybe. And maybe that's, you know when they say, first of all, people are allowed to tell us that Jesus spoke to them. God fucks with me. How's that? How's that?

[A]

I guess you have as good a. You have as good a case for it as anyone.

[B]

Thank you. I appreciate that.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

You must be. Are you doing the best out of all the siblings, would you say?

[B]

Everybody is doing, thank God, really good. Really Well, I think actually randomly my mother ended up the non parenting ended up being the best thing to suit us for this world because nobody was hungrier than us.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, and I think she ended up being the best example. I think she knew subliminally or subconsciously or even didn't know and it was accidental, which is probably the case that she wasn't going to be around and that she was spread very thin. But she did shit that really my mother valued a few things. We were going to be fed. That's why my brother being skinny really. Because she really was cooking all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she made food last and she made big crock pots of and whatever.

[A]

And what do we give us a.

[B]

Sample menu like it's all the challenge.

[A]

It's.

[B]

You know, I would see that crock pot. I would come home sweet, a huge round. I'm like, that's dinner for the next nine days.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It made me sick. But anyway, now I love it.

[A]

What's in it?

[B]

It's like, it's like beef and carrots. Whole carrots.

[A]

Classics do.

[B]

Yeah. Not like the little mini, like the big dildo. Carrots, like huge chunks. Whole potatoes.

[A]

What Bug with the racist Looney Tune cartoons where they would go to Africa and they would put bugs in it and Bugs Bunny and chop up the, the potatoes and carrots.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No, that, that's what my mother was doing. Exactly. Exactly. You get the big witch. The big witch. Spatula, whatever.

[A]

And a whole side of beef.

[B]

But we were going to be fed. We were going to be sheltered. Yes. There's cockroaches if there's a roof over your head. Is there?

[A]

Not sure.

[B]

Okay. And then we were going to be educated. My mother, any free program. We were at the library every weekend. She let us take out whatever she didn't monitor. And later on taking out videos from the library. And one thing she did was for her break, for her grown up time. Once a week she went back to school.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

She, she, she. My grandfather would come over and she's like, please don't burn the house down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. And. And she would just go to school. And then one year when I was graduating university and one of my sisters was in university also. We're all close in age. My mother was suddenly graduating.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

And we're like, what the is graduating? But after 12 painstaking years of taking one evening class. Wow. Every week, six through the summer.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

The bitch had enough credits. And we're like. I just for some reason always thought she'd be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But she. And I think it's something like that. That tenacity which she never spoke of and nothing. And even told the school's not for everyone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She never even thought she would finish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That sort of lesson. She ended up leading by example.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Accidentally so probably it was just to get her mind off of to have one night outside the house.

[A]

Your life is so bad that taking school is yours.

[B]

I know. She's such a nerd. I know. She's such a nerd.

[A]

Away from my malnourished 11, by the grace of God.

[B]

Graduated and got an undergrad in.

[A]

What? What was she studying?

[B]

History. Yeah. Just. Yeah. Our art degree.

[A]

What did she do when it was like when everyone was gone? From the house. Did she have a.

[B]

Well, they're not still gone. I have a brother at home. And yeah, there's a lot that. Not everyone. In fact, she lives with my brother, but she helps my niece, who's amazing, but people have family, and she's, you know, in a big grandma role.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Grandma going right into the grandma role.

[B]

Yeah, she's. She and she. Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah, my mom's the same way where now my brother had a kid, and it's the most. It's exact. It's like she. She wants. She's happier doing that. Like, she. Yeah, my mom does want to go to school, too. And like, oh, well, she always said that. And I told her, like, now it's like, yeah, go to school, whatever. Like, I was like, I'll pay for whatever you want to do. She just would rather hang out with the baby. She's like, the baby's the man. Like the. Do I want to go study for. But I. I know what you mean about that tenacity, because that's how I feel about my mom, where it was like, there's. She was working at a certain point, two jobs. We have, you know, three kids, and it was just like that example of like, oh, this shit. Her life is bad. Like, it's tough and it never. It's just. She's stopping is not even a consideration in a way where whenever I'm, like, frustrated with, like, shit, being too busy or whatever, I'm like, if my mom could do what she did for years, it's like, who cares?

[B]

We're so lucky. I'm literally living one of the greatest lives I've heard about recently, and it happens to be mine. Like, I can't fool believe it.

[A]

Heard about, like, you hear about these.

[B]

Lies, you know what I mean? Must be great. I, like, go to bed with Gabby and I'm like, this is outstanding.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And having money, like, it's so much better. Like that ruse of like, oh, well, money doesn't make you happy. I am here to dispel.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It is so much better.

[A]

It really helps.

[B]

It really helps. Yeah.

[A]

When you grow up poor, you know.

[B]

To be able to help your family and to. And to go to sleep at night, I mean, it's just much nicer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Much nicer. It's night and day. That even comparing that makes no sense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, they have to say that so they keep people poor.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. The richest people say that. And I'm telling you, get the money.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

If you Can. They're keeping us from it. But. But by the grace of God, one or two get out still. We're like the cockroaches.

[A]

According to Robbie, God likes both of us. He must not like you guys. That's what. That's what I'm getting. He was. I don't know what you did to piss him off, but. Interesting. And then. Yeah. So. But was there like a. So that's the first kosher thing. Yes, first breaking of kosher, which feels very symbolic. But was there like a great. I mean, changing your name coming out? Like, was there like a very. Was there a real. Like, did you feel like. Was it just a gradual.

[B]

It was gradual, yeah. It's definitely. It's like a transition.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, sure. That they get their surgeries, sometimes they start wearing a skirt. They. Then they get a surgery, then this, and then they're. They've become the women that they are.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

It was like that, but really? Yeah. And there's still things that. My mother, you know, my mother is still kosher, for instance. There's still things like back home, like, not everything has been shed. And obviously at our house, like, you know, even though I went to a less religious Jewish school in Montreal, we were still the most religious kids at that school. But to us, it felt a lot less, you know, like, you would think it's fanatic, but I'd be like. Like, you. You don't even know. Fanatic. Have you been. You know what I mean?

[A]

Like, we're not reading by candlelight. We're not reading this.

[B]

Exactly, exactly. But to us, it felt less. And so it was a slow, gradual thing like that. Almost like a transition.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I get that.

[B]

Yeah. Into secular life.

[A]

Yeah. And so what, like, did you stay in after, Like, Montreal or whatever? Like, you're. You're. You didn't stay with accounting that long or did you?

[B]

No, I was in accounting for like, three years. And no, it was the greatest because I was like, I'm getting paid every two weeks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A paycheck salary job, bro.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So that's the first time that I started even thinking stand up or anything. I never thought what I like, all I like was money.

[A]

Like, your basic needs met.

[B]

Yeah. So I was sleeping and then I heard about stand up. Then I was like, okay, old, you know, because in Montreal they had the biggest festival there.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I thought, I'll just do the festival, go up to them. And they were like that. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. But I didn't really know of it.

[A]

Of course, at all. Cool down. I love Montreal. And also very like. It feels not just secular, but like, sort of like European, kind of horny, kind of evil in certain ways.

[B]

It's the best. Yeah, it's the best. And you know what? It's so cool that Montreal is my hometown now because I get to bring Gabby home to Montreal and she brings me back to Denver and listen, there's no problem. Yeah, but I'm just saying it's cool.

[A]

In your hometown, Montreal, Montreal's way.

[B]

And you're eating like a king for a dime. Like, the dollar goes crazy. It's just.

[A]

We had a great time. That was where a guy gave me. He threw a 5,000 milligram edible.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

On stage.

[B]

That checks out.

[A]

Took a little nibble and I was up for three. Three days. But we had it. But before it kicked in, we had a great day. Having a pastrami. Having.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's unreal.

[A]

Green. The green something the place called.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Green Avenue Deli or something like that. Anyway, great stuff.

[B]

Fantastic.

[A]

I'm a big fan of Montreal.

[B]

It's amazing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I love Montreal too. I forget what you were asking, but.

[A]

You remember I was just talking about, like, just sort of like more, I guess. It just doesn't sound like you ever really took a hard, rebellious stance. It was more just like. Because I guess it was your upbringing is not.

[B]

Well, it felt like the rebellion. It wasn't like, Like I could be who I wanted or whatever. I guess being gay was a hard one because I'm like, no, not another thing. Like, I didn't, I didn't grow up thinking I was gay. Yeah, I didn't think I was, you know, I didn't grow up. I was a kid for a long, you know, I was very kid. Like, as a kid. I wasn't. And, you know, I always feel like I'm either 7 years old or I'm 73 years old.

[A]

I feel like I'm like, sex either way.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Innocent or old person, you know?

[B]

But by the way, yeah, I, I, we're making up for everything. Don't even worry. I can get into it. My wife doesn't love when. But listen, I'll just say this. My wife had 25 boyfriends three years ago and we got a dog now.

[A]

She's gay.

[B]

So. Yeah, there's something, you know, interesting. Just.

[A]

Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah. You're, you're, you're getting your money's worth.

[B]

But no, I don't know. I think, I think the Hardest thing for me was having that good accounting job and then realizing, like, comedy. I was like, first of all, being gay, I'm like, oh, I don't want. My mother's already this hearing impaired single mother of 10 kids on welfare. I'm living on my own. I just don't need another thing right now. I could marry rich. I was getting good dick back then.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You were dating, like, rich boys.

[B]

Yes. There were rich boys in the community there. Rich Jews. I was. Remember I went to this school that had all these, like, rich families. And our big hope was I would get into one of them.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, really? How many girls in the family?

[B]

First of all, I'm low key. Pretty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People don't. People don't know I have a pretty thing about me.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

In a certain way. I could kill it another way. It's like my sister sees me wearing clothes like this. Yeah. And she goes, it's like you choose to look ugly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like they think. But you're so pretty with your figure. What I would wear, like they think. I don't like.

[A]

I'm not into my sit on you is what. Is what they think.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Okay. So there was a chance for me to do that.

[A]

You were the one they were dangling out there.

[B]

Then when I'm gay, I go, I gotta make money.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I gotta get rich. Cash.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

So then I get this accounting job. I'm paid every two weeks. The work is boring, but it's fine work. It's not so difficult. They're not doing much.

[A]

Yeah. It really isn't.

[B]

And. And then the comedy. I heard about it. I thought, I'll do it, but I didn't think it was anything.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But then I knew. But then I was good at it. And it. Oh, my God. Now I have to do it. Like, I wouldn't wish a calling on my worst enemy. It was very difficult for me to say I have to leave this job.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That finally I have everything to lose. I have a job paying me every two weeks. It's all I ever wanted was money coming in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Money coming in.

[A]

And that must not been in the grand scheme of your life. We're talking that's what, three years, four years where you felt like you had things figured out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you had a. And then you're like, oh, great, now I'm gonna just completely, completely wrap this up.

[B]

Yeah. I felt like I had lots to lose my job because I never even dreamed of having a job like that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I remember my Mother. Because I worked at a big building downtown. It's a big firm, kpmg. I got an internship and I got hired. Okay. And I remember my mother told my brother to apply for a job at my building. And he showed up with a basket of oranges. And I was like, like, shmuel, why are you here? He's like. He's like, ma said you guys might be hiring. I'm like, I went to school for this. Like, that's like, no, I got a degree for this. We're not just like willing and what are the oranges? He's like, is. It's nice to come with something. I mean, this is a weird thing to come with.

[A]

This is like Ellis island level thinking, like, literally tenement Lower east side in the 1900s.

[B]

It's like cold. He's got this basket, like a wooden basket, literally, of oranges.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm not gonna come empty handed, ask for a job. It's like, it was just so bizarre.

[A]

Yeah. I'm fascinated about the, like, the. Were you ever in a serious relationship back then with one of these rich guys or you were just kind of dating around?

[B]

No, you know what? I wasn't. I've given. You know, I was kind of dating a friend of mine. I had them around. I knew they were available. You know, I had like a guy friend confessing his love to me every three, four.

[A]

Was that. Did you like that feeling?

[B]

I did it to me. It was a backup plan. And I would ask them. I'd say, worst case scenario. This is what I said with one of my friend. I said, worst case scenario if I'm in destitute stuff. Okay. And you see, I finished school. We're in school. Would you give me $88,000? That's the most money to me. A hundred felt.

[A]

Yeah. Piggish. Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

I would never ask a hundred.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But just 88 felt. Classy and like, I could live on that for a long time. So I said, worst case scenario, would you give me 88 and I would make them shake on it?

[A]

Yeah, sure, sure. And this 88 to marry them or just.

[B]

No, just if I'm in that. So if you really love me.

[A]

Right, right. Oh, you just wanted a cash infusion of 80.

[B]

Yeah. Like you're telling me you love me. Well, what would you do? What does that mean?

[A]

Right, right, right. 88 to me. Pure cash. That seems a little high.

[B]

Well, by the way. And there's some of them I should. Well, I can't call it now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And by the way they might need 88 and happy to help.

[A]

It might backfire on you.

[B]

You might get a call. I'm happy to help. Call me. We'll see what we can do.

[A]

Okay, so you had the kosher moment. Was there a. A similar gay moment where there was like. It was McDonald's. Who's the girl version of McDonald's for you?

[B]

Italian girl. This was at college. It was all happening at this time. We were going. Right. And I didn't want to be gay. I never would. I was outed brutally. I don't think I ever would have come out. I appreciate and respect the closeted individual.

[A]

There is a. There is a dignity to it.

[B]

There's a dignity to it. There is a dignity. You have a private life. Excuse me?

[A]

You could say, no, I'm just private.

[B]

No, exactly. It's like I was just saying, you know, my sister always said, if you're a grown up who likes Disney, there's something you can keep private.

[A]

I agree. Disney adults 100% should be closed.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. This is something. A private life.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Okay. So that's what I felt about it. But I was brutally outed.

[A]

What happened?

[B]

I was. I was. It was like the end of the year and students were all got to go to this student bar and there was like picture sales and everybody was putting in whatever money they had. And I went to the bathroom with. With my girl. What we were. I said, you don't talk to me in person. Like, you don't look at me. You don't anything.

[A]

Italian girl.

[B]

Yes. Okay. And. And she would do graffiti and stuff. She. And she would be like, oh, spot me. I'm like, I'm gonna be the one narcing on you. Yeah. Beautiful building in Montreal. You think your tag. The building is 400 years old. This is a massive masterpiece of architecture.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

And they think their little tag. Her tag is what's going to complete the building.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

In any event. And then we were in the bathroom and we were making out in the stall.

[A]

Classic, classic stuff.

[B]

And then it opens the stall. Like, we were like lunged out of it because people were coming in and out and the doors weren't caught embracing. And this carry a rich girl saw. And it was like a walk to remember the next, like, day. It felt like when I walked into school in the cafeteria in college. Yes. And. But our college, again, it's like pre college weird.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Okay. And it was very segregated, like a prison. There was a Jew calf. I'm not making this up. If you went to Dawson in the comments confirm this.

[A]

They call it all the Jews all.

[B]

And then there was Conrad's. All the Italians. There was. There was a black floor. It was extremely segregated. The juke half was one room on the third floor. The main floor was Italians and black kids and just generally cooler people.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[B]

Okay. And then we were on the third floor.

[A]

It was cool. Segregation.

[B]

So I walked into the cafeteria, and you couldn't really be in the different calves. It was weird. That's why. Because, like, my Italian girl.

[A]

So what happens if you go get a slice of pizza? Sit down.

[B]

No, they would, like. Yeah. They would kind of give, like, look at you. Like, if I just went to the Italian floor, they would kind of just be like, well, who do you know here? And I couldn't say. The one dice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That they had because that would help me. We each had one in a year.

[A]

Let me ask you this. This. Not to be indelicate. What's your personal style at the time? Because you think I was.

[B]

I was feminine with a hint.

[A]

Femme hint. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

I had that. If you're really paying attention. I thought the converse were given something.

[A]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[B]

You know, so I. But especially being caught with the other. She was a little more advanced than I see. She was wearing a lot of layers. And I would tell her to calm down on the layers.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

It was outing everybody.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And. And. And. And she. So I. Like, if I was just. If she was the Italian I knew on the Italian floor. It's over for me.

[A]

You can't.

[B]

Right. And Italians. The Jews talk too.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We wouldn't hang out on the same cafes, but everybody had class together. So you could have your school friends. But then when you had lunch.

[A]

Insane.

[B]

When you had lunch, you ate lunch separately. But in class, you could be friends with anyone you wanted. I was friends with all kinds of people. This is how it was.

[A]

Segregated lunchrooms.

[B]

Everything was segregated. And then Montreal is, like, very multicultural but segregated. It's like the weirdest thing.

[A]

So there's something to that.

[B]

If there's communities, like, super old. Yeah.

[A]

In terms of their. In terms of being, like, diverse. If you started being diverse in the 1700s, you were also gonna segregate.

[B]

You're saying that's what our place was. It's like, you know, So I walked through my cafeteria, and it felt like a walk to remember where her nudes were leaked and everybody is looking at her. I felt like, everyone knows that's the dyke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I felt that because I was. We Knew one other lesbian and I was the kid who went. When that lesbian walked in the calf, I'm like, look at that dyke. I was that I was the internalized. Like, I've had everything internalized. Like you name internalized. Homophobia. Check. Internalized trans. Check. Internalized.

[A]

Anti Semitism.

[B]

Everything is check, check, check.

[A]

Yep, yep, yep.

[B]

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

[A]

Were those. All phases are used. Still rocking with all that internalized.

[B]

I think you rock with all of it. But it's also like I play, you know, for instance, it's like some people yell at me about they them. You know, I can yell about they them. Right. So I play whatever all code switch. What I need to show other people that they're annoying. Like me, for instance, if. If they them. First of all, when I was roped into the them community, I was. I was again like, not another thing. Because I'm like, I'm already born into one of the most annoying communities that ever was.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Now I got to be part of the next most annoying community.

[A]

Yeah, you're right.

[B]

You gotta let.

[A]

Jewish plus non binary is a tough.

[B]

Gotta let up on me. You've got. I'd love a cool. Commit something. Right.

[A]

So you read both those.

[B]

I read both. Thank you. Exactly.

[A]

You're not gonna be able to hide either one.

[B]

Terrible. So. So when I, you know, and people get mad at me, oh, you know, we're making fun of the, you know, they them. Yes. I know it could be used in a sing they them. It flopped. I've talked about this and I know that they them is. Yes. People complain. It's plural. I know that it can be used singular in a fashion. If somebody hits you and you didn't see who hit you, you'd be like, they hit me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or somebody was standing in line front of the 711 or something with you, you'd be like, they were here first. I get that. But predominantly it's not used be an easy lift. It's not. It's been cumbersome and people didn't catch on. Okay. It flopped. We have to be honest. But then at the same time, I went to a dinner, like a, you know, a Shabbat dinner where they had like old. An old Jew there who was like, why they them? What are they doing with they them?

[A]

Right.

[B]

I don't understand it. I said, you don't understand space travel either. There's a lot you don't have to understand.

[A]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

Just because you don't understand it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're Old. You don't know shit.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes.

[B]

So I kind of push back. Back where I need to in both.

[A]

You want to be the most conservative member of the. The community.

[B]

In what sense?

[A]

Of the. Like that you want to be the they in the non whatever gender fluid. You want to be the one being like guys, come on, let's.

[B]

I don't want to be anything.

[A]

You don't want to be anything.

[B]

I just want equal opportunity for everyone.

[A]

Right. But.

[B]

Or, or not even. Like I don't even want. I. You know what? I don't know what I don't want or I'm just talking shit. I just talking.

[A]

You're just making a value judgment.

[B]

You're making like this big thing, like this big profit. There's nothing profound. I just, I said some shit and I do.

[A]

I know what you mean in terms of you're making a value judgment on it. Almost as like as an advertising firm for they them. You're saying like I would listen. They were the way we wanted to.

[B]

We didn't exactly. Yeah, yeah, let's.

[A]

We're still sticking with it.

[B]

We're.

[A]

But let's be honest.

[B]

If you're doing this, yes, I will do it. Yeah, it was a flop. Nobody came to me and I have some good marks marketing ideas. We didn't. Nobody. We didn't even throw out some alternatives. We didn't. We went with the plural. Somebody in some marketing room went hard with it and they didn't consult some of the front facing members. And then. I can't do it. I gotta stick she here. And then you left me. She heard the last she her on the planet.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

Because I can't take in another annoying thing. I can barely. This one's been hard enough.

[A]

Do you think if your personality was different, you could go they them? If it wasn't. If you weren't as like you said chill.

[B]

If I had more chill. It's possible. But I'm running up to sav. I can't also be they them, right? Hey, stop. I'm a huge fan of my pronouns. You're like, I didn't even want to say hi to you. What? It's like it's too much. That's overstaying.

[A]

Too many things. I understand.

[B]

There's too many things.

[A]

I do get that. I do get that. Well, I think that that's a beautiful philosophy to have and I think it's gonna really help. I'm sure Eldis has a lot of questions that your expertise will help. It is a bizarre upbringing. I had no idea.

[B]

It's very.

[A]

I thought generally, you know, if I had to guess, you know, I just heard you talk about having sibling. You know, I would see it. Things pop up where you having a lot of siblings. I have friends who, who grew up in like those orthodox communities and I just thought we were dealing with much more straight down the line left very religious community. But you got a whole other bunch of other stuff going on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's not, it's not that like Clean cut grew up in a repressive environment and rebelled very. It's much different than that.

[B]

Yeah. No, it really was a hodgepodge.

[A]

So it's very. And we should say by the way, specials out right now on Netflix.

[B]

My special on Netflix is already streaming. Robbie Hoffman, wake up. And I don't want to sound out of line here, Sav, but I think it's one of the greatest stand up specials recorded in recent history. And I'm telling you, I would tell you that if it, if it wasn't mine. And I thought the same thing. I'm being as believe because by the way, I've been in plays before. I go by the way, he asked me to be in his play. It's not a good play. Don't come. I would tell you if it wasn't good.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean.

[A]

So directed by our pal John Mulaney, one of the funniest people of all.

[B]

One of the legends. And people won't believe it, but he asked me. Yeah, he heard Netflix was percolating about a special for me and he called me, begging me to direct it. That people will not believe. But I'm telling. I'm not here to lie to you. You watch it for yourself and you.

[A]

Tell me, yeah, yeah, I believe it. Watch the special on Netflix right now and let's take some calls. Little eldest 2026 New Year. Big goals. No time to cook factor makes it easy with fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs so you can eat well without the shopping or cooking. Factor's always fresh, never frozen. Meals are made with quality functional ingredients, including lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole foods and healthy fats. No refined sugars, no artificial sweeteners, no refined seed oils. Just meals that fit your goals and schedules. I've been dabbling with factors. They help support me. You know, I'm always trying to get stavi gets ripped. We're on season four or five. I can't even keep track. I love factor meals. I'M a steak guy. Their filet mignon is secretly very tender, very juicy. You wouldn't think a meal delivery service could get it this way, but it's good baby. That peppercorn spice filet mignon low carb calorie smart, high protein. I'm dabbling with all the high protein calorie smarts. I like the cowboy burger and smashed beans. A lot of very interesting stuff on this menu. You're going to love it. It helps keeps me satiated. So why don't you be like me? Head to FactorMeals.com Stavi 50 off and use code Stavi50OFF to get 50% off your first Factor box plus free breakfast for one year offer only valid for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. Make healthier eating easy with factor folks. It's a new year, A time to tackle new challenges. To finally do what you always have been dreaming of doing. 2026 is the year to launch your business. The year you transform into an entrepreneur, a founder, a boss. One powerful move puts your future firmly in your hands. Starting a business with Shopify. Shopify gives you all the tools to easily build your dream store. Choose from hundreds of beautiful templates that you can customize to match your brand. Your swag marketing is built in to create email and social campaigns that reach customers wherever they scroll. Shopify completely changed my online business. I used to sell my own merch. I had no way to really keep track of it. I was probably losing money on it. Now. Stavi baby. Our online store, selling our calendar, selling our T shirts, powered by Shopify has made has really been a way for us to make a ton of money. Me, you're going to love it. It's expanded our business. It'll expand yours too in 2026. Stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi that's shopify.comstavi S T A V V Y Hear the sound of your first sale this new year with Shopify by your side.

[C]

Please. Savvy I'm calling because I'm 19. I've been in a relationship with this guy for like six months. Everything's like going okay. Like I love him, but we had this issue about three months ago about guy friends. I have had guy friends like my entire life. Specifically these two who I get rid of him. He asked me to block them and.

[B]

I said, this guy's an Abuse. This guy's controlling him.

[C]

I would. And then I didn't end up blocking them.

[B]

You have to block him. You have to go to the police immediately. And we need. This is where we need the minority report squad. We have to. At 19. Get him at 19. No, that's unacceptable controlling behavior.

[A]

Definitely. How much more we got here? Hold on.

[C]

Like, we're very close. Nothing weird's happened. I was a lesbian for eight years and I wasn't so like these guys.

[A]

Like, wait, she said she was 19. She was living for eight years. She said she was a lesbian for eight years. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Anyway, let's finish this.

[B]

What is she a 9 year old lesbian?

[C]

At a time when I was like very.

[B]

It's weird to attribute a child with a sexuality. Like even a heterosexual boy or girl. Like if it's like, I don't. I wouldn't even say, oh, it's a straight boy.

[A]

I know you mean, right? Like sometimes you like there's that curb your enthusiasm episode where the. He's dating the woman and he gives her son. What do you call it? The seat. What do a seamstress use? A sewing machine. A sewing machine. I mean. And the kid is a very flamboyant. Like sometimes you will see little gay boys. I think sometimes where you're like the only one that I feel comfortable being like that's attributing any sexuality or job is a little gay boy who's just like, you know, like that. That kid from the. From the. Generally, I agree.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like these are children either way.

[B]

But anyway, so go on. I mean, she's self attributing, so fine. I guess she knows in cements.

[C]

Like I didn't really think anything of it anyway. Like, you found out about it, like went to my phone, freaked out and it keeps coming up. And now he like doesn't want me to like talk to guys or be around guys.

[A]

Mean, this is.

[C]

Which is difficult because like they're just everywhere. He's in a relationship, he wants to go through my phone. He has the passwords to every single thing on my social media. My friends think he's being controlling.

[A]

He is.

[B]

Yes. This is like, guys, this is it. This is not even a debate. If you do listen to this, leave him now. This is not like a joke. It's not like it is controlling. You're not like, oh, it's just one opinion. This is the. This is the opinion.

[A]

Yeah. Are we missing anything else or is this just a kid who's.

[B]

It will only get Worse. And I'm shame on you. Being a quote unquote lesbian for eight years and not knowing better on men. Shame on you.

[A]

She was a child. She was an 11 year old. But yes, the fact that she's 19 is the only reason this is even a question.

[B]

Lesbians have been skeptical of men for a long time. It takes a lot less than it than this for us to say leave.

[A]

Of course I, I also who knows, identifying that way is a weird move for a kid to do.

[B]

She's a child.

[A]

She's just like, basically this is insane behavior.

[B]

Insane, insane.

[A]

The only reason this isn't like even scarier is because he's a fucking idiot child as well. And so hopefully he figures this shit out. If this is the behavior of like a 30 year old, it's a, this is like call the police.

[B]

Legitimately call it a 30. Literally call the police. And blocking and having passwords. Nuts it that's insane.

[A]

He can't have your passwords.

[B]

By the way, I'm married. We don't look look like honestly, it's just either you trust or you don't. I, I think anybody looking I draw like if somebody really wanted to see my phone, sure. But it's like every time if Gabby if my phone's off and gab and Gabby and I are cuddling and she could see what's on my phone, fine, she doesn't care. But somebody requiring all of your passwords, right?

[A]

It's. Here's the thing. If you're in a relationship and it's going fine and you know you have some app on your phone that they don't have and you just throw it to them, they look through it and they like yeah, who cares? But if somebody's like hey, can I see your phone? Real like that's the weird is wanting to do it. If you happen to. You should be able to just randomly look at your wife's phone and she should be able to randomly look at your phone. But when your significant other requires requires a huge. And look, this is a 19. This is also a fucking young stupid.

[B]

This call was the equivalent of a whole red flag. First of all, even you think the, the whole call is a red flag. Even the fact that you called into staff. Yeah, yeah. Is a fucking red flag. Every aspect of this. It didn't get better, it got worse. The eight year, the lesbian, the phone, the guy friends, the but I love him but it's three months. Get rid of it. But the 19. There's not one green flag.

[A]

There's no, nothing here. You're here in general at this age, it's like, like if there's anything even sort of wrong, it's like just move on. You're. You're young.

[B]

Right Age even aside. If you were 90, I would tell you the same thing. So totally he's right. At 19, forget it.

[A]

At 19, it's. There's even stuff that maybe you could work through older. But this is legitimately best case scenario. This kid is just. Look, I also know what it's like to be a 19 year old like boy and have a girl you love so much. Like you obsess over that that I.

[B]

Got to go through that session and.

[A]

There was definitely like my first girlfriend in college. I was like, yeah, I was like weirdly attached to the word. And you have to get over like, hopefully this guy's just young and stupid and he's got to get over this. Yes, that's the best case scenario. Either way. Worst case scenario is he's like a budding abuser.

[B]

And by the way, you breaking up with him helps him learn faster for the next one.

[A]

And yeah.

[B]

That he's got to work on his emotions and his jealousy and whatever he's.

[A]

Insecure about, he needs to work on that with regardless.

[B]

And you need to get out and you need to work on why the hell you can't see any red flags ever.

[A]

And also thinking it's appropriate to give him these passwords. Like you, you're already sort of in the web here.

[B]

I'm so sick about her.

[A]

Either way, this has to end. You got to get the fuck out of here. And you have to set better boundaries for yourself. And this guy hopefully has to fucking like understand he's behaving like a fucking.

[B]

And he will in due time. Yeah, we're all allowed. Especially at that age. You, these first relationships are so do or die. I mean I remember after my first breakup, I lost nine pounds. I'm in no position, never have been in a position to lose any weight. But it's just it, it really is a. You have to go through it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So break his heart. The sooner you break his heart, the better he'll become.

[A]

Hopefully.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

He's also, I mean this up behavior and like that. The other thing is like somebody who's this controlling is like, like hopefully he takes it but if not, you have to like think about, you know.

[B]

Yeah. This is beyond also a normal like anybody doing this. This is also like not the same as a lusty or obsession. This is control and a Form of abuse.

[A]

We.

[B]

You've heard the point. I hope God knows you may not listen because that God knows.

[A]

Yeah, I think she listen, you know, I don't know.

[B]

Please follow up. Write in. Let me. Did you. Did you listen or you didn't listen? And be honest.

[A]

Yeah, she's like, good news. We're actually married now.

[B]

Yeah. Literally.

[A]

I'm pregnant.

[B]

By the way. I wish them well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wish them well.

[A]

That's a good outlook. What else? Eldest.

[C]

Hey, Stav. Eldest esteemed guest. I got a quick one for you. My wife and I have been together for six or seven years and here's a question. Whenever we go to a party or if we're ever at to dinner, you know, you eventually end up talking about what you do for a living. I am a commercial fisherman in Alaska and she is an environmental consultant. Thing is, people think my job is fucking cool and they don't give a fuck about environmental consulting. They have a ton of questions for me. And she rarely gets to, you know, her line of work. And after the dinner or the party, she kind of is hang dog about her occupation. I make a little bit more money than she does and I have a ton of free time. My work is super exciting. I thought of some ways to.

[B]

Her job is more consulting.

[A]

Anything I go sold things. Bullshit.

[B]

Yeah, consult. She should just drop the word consulting. Yeah, she should say environmental fracking or something. She could. If she said some shit that they're actually up to.

[A]

You know, the things that you're. That she's lying about.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The things that environmental consulting is for.

[B]

Like GP or some oil company. You know, consulting where to put the oil wells.

[A]

Totally. This some horrible company, Satan incarnate, is paying her to launder their reputation.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

So, you know, maybe not. I mean, Otherwise it's like 99% sure she works. Yeah, for. Yeah, unfortunately, that's probably. He did say as a fisherman he makes more than she does though. So I feel like if she was doing that for bp, she would be making bank. She might just be having an action. Boring, good job. So her two options are an evil job or a good job for the world. That's boring.

[B]

Also the party sounds so boring. Everybody talking about what they're. What they do for a living.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

Like the premise is boring already.

[A]

But I also know I'm interested.

[B]

Him being a fisherman is really interesting a job.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because that's one of those old school great jobs. Totally. Like, that's just. You're a fisherman. It's not consulting liaison. All These new age. It's a real job. I know what you do. You fish. You bring home the fish. You're hunting. You're gathering. We get it.

[A]

It's in a baby's book. It's a baker.

[B]

He's in the unique position. What are the other people at the party? I'm sure she's more willing. I'm sure are most people. Maybe in Alaska. They all. You know. A lot of them have cool jobs. Because Alaska is so sick.

[A]

It's a weird.

[B]

So cool. On one of the last like sick cool places.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I don't know. She may be shit out of luck. And by the way. So get a new job. Make your shit cooler. Like I don't want to hear about environmental consulting. I'm falling. I'm actually feeling a yawn coming on thinking about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But for. Because I'm on a podcast. I'm suppressing it.

[A]

Did he have anything else? Elders? Do you have anything that we were missing out on? That was the gist. But I think. I think it's worth just. Okay. Go ahead. Finish him off.

[C]

Kind of include her more. Either just not even bring up what I do at all or give her, you know the spotlight. Prop her up some caveats. I feel like caveats.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I could make working at a gas station sound kind of cool. I'm a little better of a storyteller.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's really.

[A]

You know. People are just.

[B]

You know. And then you lost us.

[C]

I kind of want. Want her to be a little more proud of her work and. Yeah.

[B]

You sound shitty. I've totally. I didn't want your.

[C]

Your light to be work and make it seem a little more exciting for her. If you need a fish, hit me up. Stock guy. Salmon's a salmon. I understand the stuff on these coast.

[A]

Hit him up. Text him.

[C]

Isn't quite there yet. Anyway. Thank you.

[A]

All right. Don't it. We can get good fish. I live in New York City. You get everything good. Yeah.

[B]

Everything good everywhere.

[A]

His cockiness is shining through. He is an okay. Okay. What we're up against here is that. Yes. His thing is more interesting. It is. It just is. Regardless. But also, you know this guy. This guy would brag about his fucking his high school football day like he had. This is a guy who would brag about shit that sucks. And he happens to have something cool. So that is going to be overpowering.

[B]

I think there's something more to the story if we got to speak to the wife.

[A]

I think so.

[B]

He's probably fucking annoying. You Thought I was annoying coming up to say hi to you. He's probably, probably. She's probably not even mad that he's talking about the job. It's how he's talking. It's very possible how he's not letting anyone else. And I've been a victim of being him. So I understand and I have empathy for all sides. All sides of the coin.

[A]

Right?

[B]

But I will say this. There's something up with you men that you had no awareness. There was no self reflection. By the way, I could be doing this. He's like, listen, nothing to do.

[A]

I'll talk about being an environmental lawyer.

[B]

It'll be.

[A]

Or whatever. It'll be cool. That's not necessarily true, but you're right. There's no. And even his is like, how can I do I need to stop being so fucking cool to make my wife feel cool. It's like, that's. You're not that cool. Relax. Also, her job fucking kind of sucks. Right? And I'll say this, your point earlier of like, how boring is this party? Yet your job is not something you.

[B]

Have to talk about about for that long. That it's like becomes like.

[A]

And. And your. Your wife. Like, maybe there is. And look what you're saying. There's truth to it. If you have confidence. You were. People are more engaged with a confident speaker than with somebody who doesn't, you know, who's kind of meek or whatever at the same time. And maybe she could make better talking points about what her job does. Because I also think environmental stuff is cool for the world. Like, it's good if you.

[B]

If.

[A]

Is there some kind of fucking animal you want to talk about? People are there. I can see a world where people would be interested in it at a.

[B]

Party if you knew a shit ton about a type of whale or that whale that they're looking for that there's only one of. And he's 5,000 years old. Okay, maybe. Okay, I am. I would like to hear more.

[A]

But yeah, I would also just say, does it have to be about. Because he framed it very specifically in the context of their jobs. And it's like, okay, you have the most interesting job. What? But are you the more interesting person?

[B]

No, exactly.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Like, I doubted his personality. The job. The job is doing a lot of heavy lifting for him.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I get the impression that the job is doing a lot of heavy lifting here in terms of his personality.

[A]

I think that's very true. And I think take away this job. He sounds annoying.

[B]

Sounds right.

[A]

But I would talk to him about the job. So now I'm saying, like, you're. Maybe you and your wife are flipped where her job's a little boring. Boring. But may. Does she have other to talk about? And if the answer is no, then you're both boring and you should do some other.

[B]

No, you should both boring. And. And I wish you well. Yeah, yeah. And you actually sound like a perfect fit.

[A]

True.

[B]

Just keep doing what you're doing.

[A]

But it is the kind of thing of like, what do you talk about at a party? It's like, you can't. You. Your thing. Is your job, like, terrible. She does her. Nobody should be defined by their work necessarily. It's okay if you like to, but your wife doesn't. He's. He's seeing it as a competition between jobs.

[B]

He sounds insecure about her jobs. She has said nothing. We have heard nothing from her. He says she's hanging. This is a reverse Johnny Depp. Amber. We didn't get to hear from Johnny yet. Okay. We heard from Amber, and then Johnny entered the room and we heard the other side. Yeah, here's what's happening here. He sounds like he's embarrassed of her job. Job that he. Something is bothering him about what she does. She has told us nothing. She might like what she does and. And be a normal person. Like, I don't really talk about my. My job at this. Meanwhile, he's running his mouth on his job. He might be embarrassed. And by the way, he might be the whole time itching. I hope they don't ask my wife what she does because it's not cool. And I like to be cool. McCool because I a tool.

[A]

Where are they even. Where is he talking about? They're going to parties.

[B]

What is he saying, Alaska?

[A]

Yeah, I think he's just talking about, like, dinner parties, going out with friends. Such a specific, strange question. Because I wouldn't if the question was how do I bring my wife out of her shell socially. That's. That's a different question than why. How do I. How does my wife talk about her job better? Do you know what I mean? Like, isn't that a little specific? Does it have to be about the job?

[B]

It sounds like he's bored when she's talking about her job.

[A]

Yeah, maybe she loves it, but it is boring. Maybe she's a nerd. Nerd who can go on about boring and. And puts the room to sleep. Maybe that's what it is. I'm willing to take face value because, like, I could imagine being At a party, it's, you know, it's all the couples. Everyone's. You get to talk about being a podcast producer. Honestly, the fuck with the squares, you're hanging out with your fucking Mr. Personality elders. That's true. You drop your big podcast producer dick on the table, I'm like, yeah, traveling is so annoying, guys. Constant travel, crazy hours I've been breathing. Rated by so many people on television. So many people on television made fun of my production abilities. Beck Bennett just pulled out a perfect impression. You only knew you 10 minutes. That was pretty good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Robbie started this episode very astutely, pointing out how bad you are your job. But go ahead. But, yeah, I mean, you know, that is the kind of job that could light a dinner party on fire and have everyone, like, asking a million questions. And if she is doing, like, good work, would your wife be annoyed about her job not being as interesting? I see your wife as being somebody who, as an example, has a lot of interest, talks about other. Keeps up.

[B]

Six, seven years together, married, like, this is just something is just not adding up to me. Six, seven years and you still navigating how to do party together. We are solid unit.

[A]

Yeah, Gavin.

[B]

And we walk in, we know what the hell we're doing.

[A]

But I would.

[B]

Obviously, we both have very cool jobs. Sure, obviously. But I'm just saying it's the kind of thing that you haven't talked to your wife about.

[A]

Well, I could also see you haven't.

[B]

Navigated like, hey, let's say she brings. She is upset that she was left out of a conversation. Be like, oh, I could open the floor more.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

Or if she's insecure about her job, if I do take you for face value and she. She says it's a boring job, she doesn't know how to talk about it. Maybe you could, you know, maybe you could. I don't know what to do at that point. Yeah, I'm thinking off the top.

[A]

You're such a good orator, like he claims.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You just said it yourself. It was me. I could so fucking give her.

[B]

That's good. That's exactly it.

[A]

How about flip it?

[B]

You can make anything sound good.

[A]

How about, yeah, the next dinner party, you have to talk about how good her job is.

[B]

That is an excellent. By the way, my wife works. Works as an environmental consultant. And I'll tell you, she just discovered the last living whale of this species. You make it sound good.

[A]

Anyway, were you about to make a point before I cut you off, or was that. Okay, good.

[B]

I cut you off. Thank you for taking that. It was actually so you said. But you took the fall for me. And I appreciate, I really do.

[A]

But, yeah, good luck. I don't know. Fuck it. Who cares? Fuck this guy. Next.

[B]

Question them both.

[A]

Yeah, fuck his dumb, boring bitch. Learn how to tell her story.

[B]

Literally wasting all this time. We've been working all week.

[A]

Sure. Her organization has had their funding gutted this past year. Absolutely. For delicious meals, you could go out to eat or you could just make a Marie Callender's meal. Marie Callender's classic chicken parmigiano bowl is so good. It has marinara sauce that's made from scratch and creamy mozzarella ch cheese over pasta. It's delicious. With no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives and 30 grams of protein. You can find it in the frozen aisle. Marie Callender's what having it all tastes.

[B]

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[C]

What up, Davi? Giving you a ring. I just had a pretty life changing event happen. Someone in my family died and I am getting around $9 million.

[A]

Damn.

[C]

It's in a trust. It's like a trust fund.

[A]

So I can't.

[C]

I can't like spend it all right away. That's what everybody says. They're like, you gotta. And also. Okay, I know, like, don't tell anybody, but like, I've kind of been telling a couple people, bro. Yeah, like, just like my girl and like my closest friends and like, obviously my family knows, but like some of my family has actually like changed the way that they kind of look at me. A little background about me. I'm a total piece of. I like a club promoter, but like, I'm also a photographer and videographer. But like, when I tell people I'm a club promoter, they're like, oh, yeah, like, they kind of discount. I did, like, study politics. I did work for this guy named Jared Polis. I am like, very politically active.

[B]

And now I got money.

[C]

I am, like very politically active.

[A]

Wait, what did he say he did work for? Because that could, that could really inform what kind of guy this is.

[C]

I did like, study politics. I did work for this guy named Jared Polis. I am, like, very politically active. I really like, you know, what you've been doing. But, like, my question is, like, what would you. I know this kind of sounds like I'm, like, bragging and that's what.

[A]

Also your club promoter. You're a broke club brother whose fucking aunt slipped down a fucking stairwell and you got a big fucking payout. You're not bragging, but go ahead.

[C]

They just think that I'm bragging. But really, it's just like, I was broke as before this, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I was working and you didn't. And I've had good jobs, too, like, working at law firms and stuff. But, like, I don't know, I'm kind of, like, it. It's going, like, kind of long. But I'm sure you're just like, yeah, just like, live it up and whatever.

[A]

But no, I'm not.

[C]

You know, I'm really open to traveling or getting into a hobby or just, like, finding something to do, because the only reason I'm getting this money because my dad was an alcoholic. I'm sorry. I'm going really long. And he died. And I'm like, the youngest person in my family that's getting this money. But it's going to, like, everybody. It was around, like, half a billion dollars.

[A]

Holy.

[C]

And if you guys wanna, like, I didn't. It's a whole story. But, like, what would you do, man? Like, would you travel? Would you, like. Would you act like nothing happened? Like, would you change your life?

[B]

He must be like. Like, what's so crazy to me is there's anonymous families living with like, yes.

[A]

We've probably never heard of this guy.

[B]

Yeah. Like, it's not oil tycoon or you would. You know what I mean? It's like, you think, you know of all the rich families because you're like, they're so rich. It must be like, so, like, they own everything.

[A]

No, the ones we know about are the ones that other rich people laugh at for wanting attention.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The real rich people just buy politicians, like, secretly.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

They don't need to be on Time magazine.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

They're not on us, begging to be like.

[B]

Exactly. It's like the rich whisper.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right? So it's like, why Gabby and I, like, we. Oh. Like, I always joke. Like, I'm not whispering. Like, I'm screaming, I got a product shoe on. I'm scre. It's gotta say it on there or it didn't happen. Like, I am not at the whisper level.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I'm at the screaming. Look at this. Look at this. It's something on here. Because I never had brand names or anything and that's all I wanted. And now I like totally make sure it's on this side.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I'm screaming. So I guess I don't get like this type of family where it's like.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Where it's like half a billion dollars. There's families like that just totally anonymous.

[A]

Piece of shit in the family gets $9 million for no reason. Nothing. Like this thing. What do you mean? Live it up. Travel like your whole life has been good. You're some rich piece of shit who got to be a club promoter and pretend he was doing political work. Work. But at the end of the day, you knew your family could pay your bills. Unless I'm missing something. Right.

[B]

He must have known. Like he's saying, like it came out of the blue. It was your father. Like you knew some was coming to you happening. Yeah. You.

[A]

Oh, I've been broke for years. You knew as soon as you're not bad liver gave out.

[B]

You were about to have you poisoned him.

[A]

No, pop don't go to aa. Let's have a couple pops, dad. Let's have a couple.

[B]

Some twisted Te has to have known. But also it's like invest it.

[A]

So. Yeah. Nine mil, by the way. Look, I know this is going to sound insane and it not. Am I going to say 9 million is. It's obviously a ton of money and that, but if you're. You're talking like you're like in his 30s, you're never going have to like, work again. I mean, I guess if you invested and you come from a rich family that knows how to invest things, maybe you won't have to. Like, you could invest in the right way and live off your dividends or whatever the fuck. I'm too stupid. I still don't know what to do with money.

[B]

But I just got a 401K.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

Which is. I'm really. I feel like I tell people I have investments because it is. Technically it's investments. Thank you.

[A]

Yeah. But what I would say is. Yeah, look, If I got $9 million from being broke, what I would do is buy a house I love.

[B]

Thank you. Exactly.

[A]

And just. Just set up. Kind of set up the rest of your life in a. In a. In a way that's. That's that you can live with those. Me don't live above your means.

[B]

Don't be.

[A]

Sounds like four million dollars. Four million dollar thing. Buy It a nice how half a million dollar house? That's like your fate. That's somewhere you could see yourself living forever, whatever, raising a family and just invest it and like, I guess the rest of your family's rich. If it was me, I was, would be scared I wouldn't spend any of it because to me and part of my getting money, I don't spend that much money because I'm always like, everyone depends on me. If there's ever a emergency, I, you know, I'll have to figure it out. You're not in that position. Buy some shit that's fucking, Buy a house. Put money away. Invest it. You want to take a vacation? Like a hooray, my dad's dead vacation? If you want. That's the other thing. It's kind of morbid to celebrate getting money this way, Travel the world. I mean, I don't know, dude. I, that's what I would do. I would just buy a house somewhere. I like, set up my life, invest.

[B]

You take a little bit off the top. It's a, it's a lesson my brother Levy has always shared with me. Like, like, I sold my first, I got my first script sold six years ago for $65,000. It seemed like the craziest amount of money you could get. Of course, I always wanted to watch. Yeah, okay, But I never thought, I thought if I have a really good deal, and that seemed like a first TV deal. So I took, you take, I took $3,000. He goes, you have to buy something like a thing that you like. Because there's one thing, you know, I watch all these after show, you asked me about God earlier. But I, I, there's really nothing I don't believe in in terms of the afterlife or reincarnation or whatever the things I, I, I'm open to it happening, you know, but the one thing I take away from all of these conversations is that the material world is fleeting, that it's possible I can see my grandfather in the afterlife. And I hope that is the case. Jd, I miss you. I'd love to hang out. Okay. I hope that it's the case that I can spend forever with him and everybody else that we love. But if I can see him in the afterlife, okay, great. Let me have a nice watch. Now let me have a car. Now if I can't, it sounds like you can't have a car in the afterlife. It does sound like there's certain things, things that were not. Like the material world is like, like things is a big part of the world actually, like, it is important. It really is. Like, even having a material, physical body, like, the physical is very actually important because it sounds like through all these things, that's the one thing that disappears.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You're just kind of floating.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which just sounds amazing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So take a little bit off the top for, like he said, a house. I always wanted a watch. I've always had watches my whole life. I. I had. When I was a little kid, I had the. I got the Beauty and the Beast watch where the. The head of. Of beauty lifted, and it was the digital watch under. And I would always say, ma, ask me what time it is. Ask me what time it is. I've always liked watches.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I bought that, and I. And I'm like you. The rest of it went. And I always calculated how many months of rent I said I just bought myself. Like, I have two years of rent.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Or 18 months rent. I always calculated in rent. Oh, my God. I've made rent till next November.

[A]

Me. Every show, I'm like, all right, how much can I afford? Like, every. You know, the studio.

[B]

This is not that guy. What are we even wasting our time?

[A]

It's not. But I would also say, like, you know, just don't go crazy.

[B]

I hope he goes broke. Yeah. I'm going to be honest here. It was never money that belonged to you. You're not going to give it away. You're not going to be. You're not going to be altruistic. You're not going to do anything. So I hope. Liv. You know what? Go nuts. Go fucking nuts.

[A]

Hit the casino, brother.

[B]

Hit the casino. You got this.

[A]

Here's my.

[B]

Put it all on red.

[A]

Put it all on red. Yeah.

[B]

Put it all on red.

[A]

Yeah. You want nine or you want 18?

[B]

Thank you. Exactly. Exactly. And I wish you well.

[A]

And if you do hit. Give us a couple mil.

[B]

By the way, we. Yeah, we told you to put it on red.

[A]

Yeah, that's all us. Interesting. Interesting. Hi. Yeah.

[C]

I'm not going to divulge any information regarding my age, sex, nor location, just for the safety of anyone in my past, present, or future life coming across this and knowing that it's me.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

But my boyfriend doesn't vote. He has no interest in voting.

[A]

Okay?

[C]

And that hurts my fucking feelings.

[B]

I haven't voted until recently. No. Because I stopped voting after Bernie. You know what? I got such hell. I was so Bernie, and then I got such hell. You know, had the DNC or had the Democratic Party been. Been more Democratic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Even if they said, you know what? We got caught cheating it. Well, you know, we know that Bernie got the popular vote. He was the populist candidate and we rigged it and we're sorry we were caught. We're embarrassed. I can apologize, like, just like this.

[A]

Like, listen, apology.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, I'm. We're so embarrassed we got caught. We never would have come forward if we didn't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're sorry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, let me, let me. Let's start from there. But because it was nothing and they just steamed. Rolled us and then they steamrolled. Well, I'm with her. I said, I'm not with this. What is going on?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Like, they made us, like, guilted us into being with her. Like the whole, like, the guilt of it. And then. And, but you, to me, you know, I've been poor under both administrations, under Democrats, under conservative, there wasn't enough a difference. The checks weren't marginally different. That made a difference to our life. The trickle down didn't work either way you put it. And so they lost me after Bernie. When I realized that in my opinion, the Democratic Party and the Republican Party weren't that different. They were all in cahoots together at the top.

[A]

We're kind of seeing that they're both corporate centrist parties.

[B]

They're corporate establishment. They work for companies. They don't work for people. When I realized, when that all unraveled, that it's really true that the government works for companies, not for people, they lost me. And I said, if somebody comes around, they have to give me something to vote for. It's not health care.

[A]

Health care is the main, the crazy thing that Democrats don't do is health care is such a winning issue.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

And you see it. The fact that a health care CEO gets gunned down and people are like, nice. You know what I mean? That's how much people hate, hate our health care system.

[B]

They didn't get it done.

[A]

But I agree with you. I think I, I get. But I think your point is a good one in terms of like, even if you were. And that's. If you, if you live in like Pennsylvania or Ohio or Florida, maybe your presidential votes count. Now there are local elections where you could, you know, I was a big mom, Donnie guy, mostly because.

[B]

Exactly. But he also gave us something to vote for. Mom. Danny.

[A]

And not only that, but also important that I hope other candidates like that, who are like unknowns, who are running on issues, who are running on populist issues, I hope that happens. Across America. So I thought it was important to do that. But you know, maybe there's more to this. Maybe this guy isn't even. Doesn't even have this level of.

[B]

But politically. But the apathy is real because they've. That's what. And it is true. Yeah. Voting can help a little bit. It's kind of like therapy. It's kind of like if you do therapy every day. If you do therapy a lot. Lot. It can help a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's not gonna do like, you know what I mean? Like their whole. Like it might help a little bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's also a bit of a ruse. There's a lot of therapists who are unqualified who got online degrees at Phoenix U. Sure. And now it's like, so it's true.

[A]

And also it doesn't help if you. You go to therapy and you don't practice any of the. You do in therapy. Doesn't matter the same way. Like you can vote, but if you don't do anything to make your actual community better. It does. It doesn't really matter that much. But what does. Let's see what she has to say here. Let's see if we're, you know.

[C]

And that hurts my feelings.

[A]

So.

[B]

She sounds crazy. I know.

[C]

He has the same political beliefs as me.

[B]

Affect her this much for the most part.

[C]

I mean, maybe he's not as crazy on like, I don't know. I don't know. He doesn't talk about anything like that. And he's not passionate about anything like that. And it's a really big part of me. You know what I mean?

[B]

Sure. So then break up. You sound scary.

[C]

It's ridiculous.

[B]

Wait, sorry, I was talking over her.

[A]

I do this full blown Democrat is what she said. She said she's a full blown Democrat.

[B]

But she's like part of the problem.

[A]

Of the Democratic Party thinking it's just voting that matters.

[B]

No. But also yelling at you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And not talking to you. And also being. It's like, why don't you vote?

[A]

Right. Right.

[B]

He doesn't talk about these things. Have you asked him?

[A]

And you're just mad at him instead of trying to understand where he's coming from. Is that. Is there any more? That's basically the gist. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, listen, the apathy is real. They. The system has fucked us over and over and over. The apathy is real. It's hard to still have faith. That said, yes, people should continue to try and move the needle even if it's at a Molasses pace millimeter by millimeter. But I think that if it's this big an issue and you're like, identify as a. As a Democrat, like, that's your identity. Sure.

[A]

Which is a problem.

[B]

I can imagine.

[A]

I think that's a problem for sure.

[B]

It's just. It's a little embarrassing.

[A]

The mainstream Democratic Party is, like we just said, it's a corporate centrist party.

[B]

I mean, they fumbled the bag over. And it's the fumble of the century, for sure.

[A]

So. But I think getting down to brass tacks within a relationship.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Instead of being angry at him and sort of, like you said, guilting him and you know, oh, you're a bad person if you don't vote for Kamala or whatever. You don't. You're a bad person if you don't vote. Why don't you. If you guys are so aligned, why don't you have a real discussion about.

[B]

It and, like, why aren't people communicating?

[A]

Because I have that. You know, I've said the same thing where I don't. I didn't vote for fucking. I didn't vote for. I'm in New York. Right. I didn't vote for Kamala because I just. I thought there were some real problems with. I thought there should have been an actual primary. I thought the Democrats position on Gaza was fucking insane. I thought there were so many things that I couldn't support this party, and I had the luxury of doing that because I lived in New York.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If push came to shove and I lived in a fucking swing state, I probably would have voted Democrat because I didn't want Trump. You know, all the shit we're seeing now, I didn't want. But I had that luxury. Right? So it's like now some of my friends are mad at me that I didn't vote for Kamala. Even here, where I'm like, it's completely symbolic here. So just talk to him. Where do you guys live? You know, do you live in a specific district where it doesn't fucking really matter? And then if you just. If you think it's important for him to vote, even if his vote's not going to really move the needle, and if he doesn't like these parties but you think voting is important, can he vote third party? Right. I voted third party before in my life. It's like depending on the elections. If what you're saying is you just want him to be civically engaged, being bitter about it and being pissed off, it's not the way to go.

[B]

About it.

[A]

Talk to him about it and see.

[B]

If there's a compromise with all of these calls. The approach is off. Yeah. The relationship approach.

[A]

True.

[B]

You know what? The communication is king. Talk to your wife if her job sucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Is she unhappy with it? Are you unhappy with her? Are you embarrassed by her? Have the hard conversations. Okay. Be prepared to hear things you didn't want to hear. Okay. Is your boyfriend not voting? You don't wake him up waterboarding him to vote. You have a little conversation.

[A]

Yeah, I agree.

[B]

I mean, what is gone. The problem is the country doesn't communicate. As usual, we should be engaging and talking to one another. But this is why what the Democratic Party or the Republican Party or red versus blue or gay versus straight, or this versus this has done to us. It's divided and it's by design. And you need to wake up.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

That you are a proud Democrat by fucking design.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That is what's going on. You've taken the bait, and now you hate people on the other side. You hate people who don't think like you and who are acting like you. Your own boyfriend.

[A]

Yeah. Who you say you agree with on everything. So, so, yeah. Have.

[B]

You are creating walls, rather bringing them down. Bring the Berlin Wall down. Have a conversation.

[A]

Bring it down.

[B]

We have a lot more in common than we have different.

[A]

I agree with that. Yeah, Absolutely. You could tell she's got that annoying, like, that's terrible. Voting's gonna solve everything. Kind of that quality in her voice. Voice that, like, guilt, the guilting you about.

[B]

It's like, I had an ex who was vegan. That's all. I told her I was vegan, but I was lying. I was vegan at the house. I've been kosher my whole life. So vegan at the house. Kosher at the house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I go back to my mother's when I wasn't kosher, okay, I'm kosher.

[A]

What do I care?

[B]

I wouldn't bring unkosher food into that.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So I'm like, okay, yeah. And one, one day I had a trip. I was on the road. Here's a good ago. And I came back and she wasn't home yet. I beat her home probably by a few hours. I said, ah, I, I, I'm getting a steak. I picked up a little steak. I picked up a little.

[A]

Cook it in the house.

[B]

A little kale. Yeah. But she wasn't gonna be home till, like, minute. Like, we were texting on the way home, like, her flight. Like, I was like, Perfect. On my way home, I'm gonna pick up a little steak, a little kale, some garlic. Get a dressing going. I made. I made the same steak. Three minutes, one side, a little salt and pepper. Three minutes, one side, two minutes, the other, medium. Perfect.

[A]

Good stuff.

[B]

Okay. I made my dressing for the salad. I massaged the kale. Massage, massage with oil. I put some Dijon honey, garlic, lemon juice. Made a nice dressing.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

Okay. Threw it on.

[A]

Beautiful.

[B]

I had a little roll on the side. I bought French bread. She walks in. I. She. Her flight wasn't something. It's like out of a movie. I was caught, cheated. So. So. And I mean, I'm like, you're eating. And she's like, you're eating a cat. She comes in. Yeah. She's like, you're killing a cow. You're killing it. Don't you care that you're killing a cow? I'm like, bitch, I barely care if people die. Yeah, yeah. Like, no offense. I have five brothers. If I lost one of them, I don't want to lose any of them. If I lost one, I know I would move on. And my life. No, I don't want to, but I have. I don't want to. I love them.

[A]

Sure, sure.

[B]

But I. I could move on, and my life would rebuild. Okay. Never mind a cow. I. I never even met. I have no rapport with the approach to her.

[A]

Did she. Was she completely shocked?

[B]

No. She was so mad at me. You're eating a cow.

[A]

Did she know you. You ate outside of.

[B]

People have told her. There's a couple of pictures and stories I've been posted in where it's like. I'm like, yeah, no, it's. It's a vegan pepperoni sl. You know, it looks very realistic. No, they're doing great things.

[A]

It's mushroom.

[B]

They're doing great things with the vegan pepperoni. I'm telling you.

[A]

Yeah, whatever. Good luck to this lady. Just don't just talk to him about it. See where you.

[B]

A little communication.

[A]

You got something fun for us.

[B]

Get a dialogue going here to go.

[A]

Eldis. Yeah, let's send down a note of hope here.

[B]

Oh, here we go. A note of hope.

[C]

Hey, stuff. Hey, Eldis. Any guests? I remember in one episode a while back, you said if anybody has a success story from, like, the advice given on this podcast, to call in.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

And I'm not 100% sure if this is what you meant when it comes to the lesson, but I hope it counts anyway, so I'm 28. I'm bisexual male, and I haven't had sex with any girls in, like, like, three or four years.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And it's really just because you're gay. Like, I really like getting my ass fucked.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

I would say, hell, yeah. I was having sex at, like, a higher rate than my straight friends. But for, you know, essentially a gay man, I feel like, you know, I should have been doing way better.

[A]

You're a loser a lot. Sure.

[C]

I thought because I live in, like, a pretty conservative city. I thought it was, you know, racism because I'm not white and I live in the white section, you know? But I saw your episode where the guy called in and said that, like, hey, nobody wants to fuck me because I prefer to use condoms and I'm not on prep. And I realized, like, oh, my God, like you said in your advice to him was, like, putting your bio, like, listen, I'm only comfortable using condoms, whatever. And that's what I had. So I realized, like, okay, I got a fucking prep prescription, and I began this fucking pussy torn open. Life is so fucking good. I hope that this brings you joy.

[B]

And, like, I brought him a lot of joy.

[C]

This counts, you know, in terms of the feels good. Literally, I just had three guys leave my apartment. I took, like, four loads and one in the face, and we did unspeakable things. By God.

[A]

That's the ones you told us about.

[C]

All thanks to the advice of your podcast. So really huge. Thank you, Savi.

[A]

Sure, man.

[C]

If this makes the episode, I'll die.

[A]

It did make the episode. Congratulations.

[B]

Oh, my God. Is that a feel good story? Is that a feel good story? He took four loads. Is that an unbelievable story?

[A]

All thanks to us making fun of a guy who wanted to use condoms on another episode.

[B]

Oh, that's a feel good story. I'll say this. I wish you well and leave women alone. I'll say that. I'll tell you the bisexual is over. Okay? You leave women alone, and you have yourself a good time. Wish you well.

[A]

That's beautiful. That's a beautiful sentiment to end on, I think. Congrats to our friend for getting his ass way more. Yeah, equal, equal, equal accomplishment. Congrats to Robbie. With her Netflix special out, I think it's neck and neck.

[B]

Wake up. Only on Netflix. I am Robbie Hoffman on Instagram. Thank you so much.

[A]

Thank you for doing it. So fun. Yeah. Go watch the special, and we will see you guys next time. Bye. Bye. Thank you.

[B]

Also, be on tour. I forgot to say, if you want to continue to add, I'll be On tour, I forget about it. Just turn it off and you can add it. I'll also be on tour, but I don't know if it's going to be sold. I'm only doing eight dates. People go, that's it. You're not coming? No, because I can't wear out. Yeah, I do a lot. When I perform, I do a lot. And you're getting a great show. And no, I don't add more shows. I'm not. Whatever the shows are, they are. And by, by the time you're watching this, they might be sold out. There's only two cities. We would add a second show in New York and Toronto potentially. But I mean, I've said no. So maybe we didn't add them. So if you're watching and you go.

[A]

So maybe I don't like to wear out.

[B]

I like to give a good show and then I like to get a snack and go to bed.

[A]

I respect that. I wish I. I wish I drew further boundaries. We'll be on tour for eternity, pretty much. But yeah, see us on tour. See Robbie take a bus. We just started doing a bus.

[B]

How's the bus, I do wonder. Oh, really?

[A]

Best. It depends on how you. We sleep like babies on it. Some people can't sleep.

[B]

No. It's supposed to be very good for sleep. Rocking.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's incredible because I always. As a child, I fell asleep in a car or on a bus all the time.

[A]

Then I think you'll love it and it'll be a way for you. I think you'll be able to add more, do more.

[B]

Right. I. I do think a bus is way less hectic than airports.

[A]

Yeah, airports are brutal. So something to think about. Okay, go see her. Go watch the special. We'll see you guys next time. Bye. For delicious meals, you could go out to eat or you could just make a Marie Callender's meal. Marie Callender's classic chicken parmigiana bowl is so good. It has marinara sauce that's made from scratch and creamy mozzarella cheese over pasta. It's delicious. With no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives. And 30 grams of protein. You can find it in the frozen aisle. Marie, calendars. What having it all tastes like. Ah, folks, it's the holiday season and I get real thirsty on the holidays. I don't know about you. I need a refreshing, delicious beverage. Perhaps one brewed with real iced tea with multiple delicious flavors. The kind that kicks up any event. That's right. You already mother freaking know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a mother freaking twisted tea. Crack open a twisted tea.

[B]

Get right.

[A]

You're at Thanksgiving, your annoying aunt is yapping. You know what'll take care of that? Some smooth twisted tea brewed with real iced tea. 5% alcohol by volume. No pesky carbonation to get in the way. You can guzzle that. That sucker down. It'll. It'll. No matter how much cranberry sauce is in your system, a delicious twisted tea will pair just right. Right. So this holidays, here's what I want you to do, folks. Keep it twisted. Grab a refreshing twisted tea today and keep it twisted.