#167 - Marie Faustin and Alex English

Summary

Stavvy’s World #167 – Marie Faustin & Alex English (Feb 9, 2026)

Episode Overview

Comedian Stavros Halkias welcomes stand-up stars Marie Faustin and Alex English for a rollicking, honest, and often outrageous hangout. The crew dives into everything from Black History Month banter and celebrity scandals, to wild dating norms, roommate ethics, and sexual relationships—answering a slew of listener call-ins with their signature irreverence and together roasting contemporary culture. The energy is goofy, fast-paced, and deeply candid, especially on topics that range from race and sexuality to being late for your own podcast.

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Main Themes & Highlights

1. Black History Month & Rachel Dolezal’s Legacy (01:17—06:05)

• The crew kicks off by joking about the guest lineup for Black History Month, with wisecracks about “exclusively black bookings,” and Rachel Dolezal being the “civil rights hero.”
• Hilarious breakdown of Dolezal’s ongoing career, social media presence, and her documentary.
  • Marie (05:02): “Say her motherfucking name is awesome.”
  • Banter about Dolezal’s evolving racial claims, online behavior, and defense of her choices, with Alex and Eldis (producer) hyped over her commitment to the bit.
• Jests about Dolezal’s Instagram community and new identity.
  • Alex (05:44): “Marie, you should be her for Halloween. You should be that exact.”

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2. Being Perpetually Late, Podcast Chaos & West Coast Trips (06:07—10:04)

• Marie is ribbed for being late—despite not having to commute to Queens. Alex jokes about LA and Austin comedy scenes, the “fake” friendliness of LA, and how people observe his relentless walking without offering rides.
• Digs at celeb-run clubs like Joe Rogan’s Mothership in Austin, their military-level security, and the unique crowd at such venues.

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3. Dating, Division of Checks, and Gendered Expectations (15:52—19:13)

• Eldis recounts seeing online “50/50” dating debates, where a woman shows up unkempt if she’s paying half, with collective bewilderment at modern dating games.
• Stav lays out old-school vs. new-school dating etiquette, debate over splitting bills, and Marie’s take: (17:44) “I'm not going 50/50. ... If I want to pay, I'll pay the whole thing. Not splitting.”
• Alex roasts heteronormativity: (18:33) “Heterosexuality is a prison.”
• The group riff on queer dating logic, from “dining and dashing” to who actually pays for dinner.

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4. Gay Sex, Topping vs. Bottoming, and Hygiene Riffs (19:04—20:54)

• Deeply comic discussion of gay sex roles, hygiene, and “sniff tests” before bottoming.

• Alex’s pride at never having had an “accident” and the overlooked discipline required for bottoming.

  • Alex (19:39): “So I don’t get how these boys are running around like, thank you... nobody’s applauding at home.”

• Tangent on old men in porn, “bidets and enemas,” and Bill Cosby’s prognosis: “Conservative homosexuals for Bill Cosby’s release!” (20:15)

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5. Cancelled Celebrities & Musical Cuckoldry (20:18—25:15)

• They muse on what it would be like to be locked up with Diddy or R. Kelly (“the music is everywhere”), dig into the meaning of Diddy’s verse on “I Don’t Wanna Know” (“the greatest cuck anthem of all time”), and speculate on R. Kelly’s problematic legacy.
  • Stavi (21:40): “That’s an insane life philosophy.”
• Extended debate about whether it’s possible to ethically listen to R. Kelly (hint: non-streamed airplane mode only).

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6. Crime & Childhood Mischief (31:12–38:22)

• Each shares stories of childhood punishments, stealing snacks, and getting whupped. Alex’s story about the last time he was hit by his mom (33:01) is particularly hilarious and honest.
• Marie admits to being a school snack klepto, later shoplifting at malls in her teens. Alex investigates his own wild pre-teen years, late-night music pirating, and accidentally outing himself with gay porn found on a family computer (39:02–40:38).

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7. Culture, Accents & Age-Gap Dating (44:45—58:15)

• The panel discuss Cher’s SNL party appearance, being big fans, and Cher’s young boyfriend being her food-cutter. Marie’s experience complimenting Cher, only to be stonewalled, is a major laugh moment.
  • Marie (44:24): “Hey Cher, you look fab.” (Cher just stares and is hustled away by her boyfriend.)
• Fantasizing about growing old—what they'll be like in their 80s, the freedom to dress wild, and employing a “young boo who slices their cutlets.”
• Banter about “fixing up” Stavi with different types of women—especially debates about older black women vs. bimbos with “a long back.”

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Listener Calls & Advice

1. Roommate Stealing Testosterone (64:43–74:37)

• A trans man suspects his gym-bro roommate is stealing his T injections and getting swole.
• Panel recommends:
  • First, confirm the theft.
  • Suggests “chemical warfare” (Marie): swap out testosterone for estrogen, watch for sudden breast growth.
  • If not up for a prank, confront directly: “Bro, my T is missing. If you need stuff, I can put you in touch with a guy—but don’t take my prescription.”
  • General consensus: a roommate stealing your prescription meds should probably not be your roommate anymore.
  • Marie (68:26): “Please go back to the doctor, get some estrogen vials. If he starts to develop titties…”
  • Stavi (70:54): “Hide all your T and switch it out with… even something that would make it clear, like methylene blue… turns you into a Smurf…”

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2. Resenting a Roommate’s Future Inheritance (75:16—83:15)

• Caller is jealous/resentful of a roommate inheriting millions from his grandma, despite being well off herself.
• Panel roasts this “class divide” and points out:
  • “He doesn’t even have the money yet, what are you mad about?”
  • “Stop pocket watching."
  • Alex (79:06): “He doesn’t have the money.”
  • If desperate, charm the grandma with a Twisted Tea.
  • Best advice: focus on your own life, support charity, and don’t be bitter about money that isn’t yours.

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3. Boyfriend Won’t Go Down (83:15—95:06)

• A woman’s long-term boyfriend (for whom she co-signed a car!) refuses oral sex, citing weak reasons about smell.
• Advice:
  • All: Girl, you need to leave. He sounds selfish and manipulative.
  • At minimum, stop giving him oral until he reciprocates.
  • Alex (85:02): “Never. Never buy a man a car. He will never eat your [pussy] again.”
  • Blatant lack of reciprocity is a major red flag.
  • Consider deeper self-worth issues; don’t be gaslit about your hygiene.

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4. Listener with Strong Accent & Dating Struggles (96:14—110:53)

• 6’4”, shredded Canadian man is deeply self-conscious about his thick, rural Manitoba accent; women can’t get past it in person.
• Advice:
  • “Talk more”—don’t isolate yourself; try to socialize more, even start a podcast.
  • Seek out friends, practice speech, but don’t let shame hold you back.
  • You can work on the accent if you wish, but confidence and self-acceptance are more important.
  • Alex (104:49): “Don’t dim your light, King.”
  • There are people who will find you charming; it may even become a strength.

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5. The “Sofa King Hot” Boyfriend (110:56—117:14)

• Woman is icked out that her 45-year-old boyfriend responds to nudes with “sofa king HAWT” and weird internet spellings.
• Advice:
  • You’re not overreacting; it’s “cornball” behavior, especially at his age.
  • If it’s a dealbreaker, move on. Otherwise, maybe tease him out of it.
  • Alex (113:12): “So hot. So. I mean, that's hot.”
  • Golden line: “It could be worse. You could have co-signed a car.” (Eldis, 116:46)

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6. Should I Move to My Ex’s Town for Work? (117:21—122:41)

• A summer camp worker considers whether it’s “crazy” to move near his ex (who dumped him).
• Advice is harsh but honest:
  • “Don’t do it. It’s over.”
  • Ack for feelings—don’t justify a move by pretending you’re just interested in the job.
  • Stavi: “All we know here is that you had a fling… don’t relocate your life for a maybe with someone who dumped you.”

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7. Sweaty Sex: The Great Debate (122:59—126:22)

• A charmingly honest call: does Stavi get sweaty during sex? His girlfriend wants to know.
• Stavi: “Yes, of course... if it’s not cold in the room, yes.”
• Marie: “A guy sweat in my eye once, I said, ‘I will never come back.’”
• Panel consensus: sex is hot, sweat is normal—if there’s no smell or sweat, “you’re not doing it right!”

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Heterosexuality is a prison.” – Alex English (18:33)
• “That’s the greatest cuck anthem of all time.” – Stavi on Diddy (21:40)
• “Never buy a man a car. He will never eat your again.” – Alex (85:02)
• “Don’t dim your light, King.” – Alex (104:49)
• “Put your pussy on the dash, babe.” – Eldis (91:58)
• “Leave that lady alone.” – Alex (119:17)
• “You could have co-signed a car.” – Eldis (116:46)
• “Sex is hot. If you’re not sweating, you’re not doing it right.” – All (124:45+)

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Structure & Format

• Episode flows as a wild, free-form but well-paced hang, alternating pop culture riffs with direct, no-BS advice.
• Key discussions often spiral into larger cultural or societal critiques.
• Segments include call-in questions on relationships, roommates, and etiquette.
• Banter is inclusive, playful, but doesn’t shy away from direct criticism or being blunt with advice.

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Overall Vibe

Stavvy’s World #167 is classic Stavros: big laughs, raw opinions, and a sense of chaos made warm and welcoming by the comfort of friends riffing hard. The episode covers a sweep of real-world dilemmas, all refracted through this cast’s distinctive funny, conversational, and deeply honest lens. Fans of stand-up and down-to-earth advice podcasts will find themselves alternately cackling and nodding with recognition throughout.

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Time Notations

• Black History Month/Rachel Dolezal: 01:17–06:05
• Dating etiquette/50-50: 15:52–19:13
• Hormone theft roommate: 64:43–74:37
• Inheritance envy caller: 75:16–83:15
• Boyfriend won’t go down: 83:15–95:06
• Accent struggles: 96:14–110:53
• Sofa King Hot: 110:56–117:14
• The ex’s town dilemma: 117:21–122:41
• Sweaty sex: 122:59–126:22

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Guests:

• Marie Faustin: Stand-up, host of The unofficial Expert podcast
• Alex English: Stand-up, SNL writer

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For more:
Follow Stavi on tour and check out Alex and Marie on their respective social media and podcasts.

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Happy Black History Month, and remember: Never co-sign a car for a man who won’t go down on you!

Transcript

[Stavi]

Nirvana the Band the Show the movie is the highest rated movie of the year on letterboxd.

[Eldis]

I told you it was the holiday.

[Stavi]

Critics are raving. It's a roof shaking blast.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That will leave you in disbelief that they didn't get arrested. This could have insane ramifications.

[Alex]

Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

Nirvana the Band to Show the Movie is being hailed as a miracle and absolutely what all our tax dollars should be for. Maybe we still got time for another plan. In theaters Friday. Adobe Acrobat Studio, your new foundation. Use PDF spaces to generate a presentation. Grab your docs, your permits, your moves, AI levels of your pitch. Gets it in a groove. Choose a template with your timeless cool. Come on now, let's flex those tools. Draft, design, deliver, make it sing. AI builds the deck so you can build that thing. Do that, do that, do that with Acrobat. Learn [e-mail] do that with Acrobat. Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904, 800 stuff. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. Returning to the pod. Two favorites. Never been on together, I don't think. Alex and Marie. Thanks for coming, guys. How about us?

[Alex]

Look at us.

[Eldis]

It's not even Black History Month.

[Stavi]

It actually is.

[Alex]

It is. When this comes out. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Stop you not sleep the first Monday.

[Alex]

Of Black History Month.

[Guest Caller 1]

Okay.

[Stavi]

We kicking it off? It could be. I don't know. Actually. It's definitely in February right now. I don't know if it will be exclusively black for Black History Month.

[Eldis]

You should do all black guests.

[Stavi]

That would be. And then never let the rest of the year.

[Alex]

The last episode.

[Eldis]

How you do it.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Should be Rachel Dulles out.

[Stavi]

Absolutely. And Martin, a real hero. Rachel's a real civil rights icon. It is hilarious how she was just like. Even after she got caught, she's like, yeah, whatever. And she's still chilling.

[Alex]

She's chilling online, still being black.

[Stavi]

She was doing Only Fans for a while.

[Eldis]

Only Fans.

[Alex]

I mean, that's still active.

[Eldis]

Was she doing it in blackface?

[Stavi]

No, I would say more like beige face is what she was up to, you know?

[Alex]

Did you watch that documentary? I did years ago when it was on Netflix? I watched it.

[Stavi]

Oh, they had a documentary on Netflix?

[Alex]

She had a documentary and she, like. It was so bizarre because at one point it was like one of the final scenes. She's like, in her bathroom. She's in her bathroom. Remember that?

[Eldis]

She's doing her baby hair.

[Alex]

Remember that? Listen, remember that episode? Remember that episode? Have you seen Set it Off?

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Alex]

Remember the scene when Jada Pinkett Smith is in Mexico and she's like snapping. She's like, cutting her braids off. There's a scene at the end of it. Russia is on her bathroom, scooping up this yarn. Blonde yarn, braids, and putting them into a trash can.

[Stavi]

Oh, the symbolism.

[Alex]

It was so fun.

[Eldis]

Does she have a man?

[Stavi]

I mean, I believe so.

[Alex]

She got like, two or three kids, so. Somebody hitting that?

[Stavi]

Yeah, I believe she does. Yeah. She's. She's married. She's married to a black guy. Yeah, for sure.

[Alex]

Oh, absolutely.

[Eldis]

The bar is hell.

[Alex]

She said, I'm staying at home. I'm not dating white dudes.

[Eldis]

I'm gonna be a white woman, so I, too, can get a black man. And I'm gonna get big.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Rachel. Rachel Dolezal was. She had some interesting stuff going on there.

[Alex]

If you go on her Instagram there, there is, like, a community of, like, black people who are like, hey, good morning.

[Stavi]

Yeah. All high. Absolutely.

[Alex]

Look, go to her Instagram.

[Stavi]

Yeah, let's check it out.

[Alex]

Look at that.

[Stavi]

Oh, my. Now she's going Afro Latino. Now she's going Dominicana.

[Alex]

Cuz her new name is, like, Inechi or something like that, right?

[Stavi]

Yeah, she know.

[Eldis]

She.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's. You know what? You got to tip your cap, yo. Honestly, not only go black, but be like, I'm African.

[Eldis]

Honestly, she looked darker than Rashida Jones. That's a white woman.

[Stavi]

You're so right. She is going. She's going for Rashida Jones with braids. 100%.

[Alex]

Yo, Rachel.

[Eldis]

Yeah, we should get Rachel on the pod.

[Stavi]

I would.

[Eldis]

You should have.

[Stavi]

Rachel knows from the podcast. Are you kidding me? I'd love to ask, like, what started this? Rachel, like, how did this happen? How do we get. Look, we all know white women that want to fuck exclusively black guys. Yeah. And that is who she is, basically. Right.

[Alex]

She got, like, fake freckles. No.

[Eldis]

Because didn't we find out? Wasn't she, like, part of the end? She was like C.P.

[Stavi]

And, like, she was the head of it.

[Alex]

She was the head of it. She. She was the head of, like, Spokane. It was in Spokane.

[Eldis]

Ain't no black people here. I will be the black person.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Who steps up.

[Stavi]

But it's just like, what? That's. Oh, it's. And I will. I just have to tip my hat to, like, continuing after you're found.

[Eldis]

She looks like northwest right there.

[Stavi]

Oh, well, damn. Good for her.

[Alex]

Oh, is that in catchy Diallo? That's her name.

[Stavi]

Say her name.

[Alex]

Say her motherfucking name is awesome.

[Stavi]

Dude, but she kept at Rachel Dolezal because she had the show, he had the clout. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Nobody knows how to spell eclectic.

[Stavi]

Let's Elvis, let's. Let's pull up some more risque photos. This is how we're starting.

[Eldis]

Yeah. It doesn't have black white images.

[Alex]

Oh, come on.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, come on. Oh, man.

[Alex]

Right there. The first one in the corner, right?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

She thinks her name isn't catchy, but she's naked in the woods. That's white woman behavior.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it's true. Through and through.

[Alex]

Yo, those are the same exact braids she was snapping off in the day in the.

[Stavi]

That's so in the documentary. She looks whiter than ever in that action.

[Alex]

Marie, you should be her for Halloween. You should be that exact.

[Stavi]

Would be a good one.

[Eldis]

That I am myself.

[Stavi]

That is true.

[Eldis]

I'm going to be like in catchy dialo, they're going to be like, who?

[Stavi]

Salute to. Salute to Rachel.

[Alex]

Do.

[Stavi]

Anyway, nice. Nice to have you guys back. Marie, only a half hour late, even though we're not in Queen. You were weirdly more on time when this was in Queens. What happened? What happened today?

[Eldis]

I left my house the day before Queens. I let. I'm not going to lie. You said, let's record at two. I left my house at two.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Also. Yes. Yesterday when she asked me to come over, she was like, yesterday you was like, make sure you at the podcast tomorrow. And I'm like, she texted me. She like.

[Eldis]

Cuz he said he didn't know the address. He said he didn't. I didn't want him to go to Queens.

[Alex]

I would have went to Queens had you not told me.

[Stavi]

Right. That's good.

[Alex]

I'd have been knocking on your neighbor's door like, we're doing the pod here.

[Eldis]

Isn't catchy in there.

[Stavi]

Reggie did that to Aminah. He told her the wrong day. And she came when no one was.

[Eldis]

Home and she was just knocking.

[Stavi]

She just was in a store. Yeah.

[Eldis]

But Amina took the train, so it only cost her $2.90 and I don't know, two hours of her life.

[Stavi]

It's that. That's where you can't get back the hours of life. But you know, what are you going to. How's everybody doing, man? Alex, you're back. You're fresh from Los Angeles.

[Alex]

Los Angeles, Texas.

[Stavi]

Hollywood power player.

[Alex]

I was. I was. I went from that to Texas Austin comic four months.

[Stavi]

Oh, nice.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Eldis]

You was at Joe Rogan in them's house.

[Alex]

I walked past that club every single time. Did not go inside. Oh, you didn't say, I saw them. I saw them AR15s. I was like, no, no, no.

[Eldis]

Are they in the window?

[Alex]

They're in front of the club.

[Stavi]

Yeah. They have, like, security. Like, they have, like. Yeah, like retired Green Berets.

[Alex]

Well, they need.

[Eldis]

They got ICE agents.

[Stavi]

I don't think they got Ice Ages, but they got guys that, if they didn't have that gig.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

They might be [e-mail] listen applications.

[Alex]

Yeah. And based on some of the stuff that goes on inside that club. Yeah. You need some guns outside of it, just in case. I'm not trying to offer.

[Stavi]

Imagine the insane people that are like, I'm friends with Joe Rogan. Like, imagine the like. Because we're talking about guys who are, like, conspiracy guys. They probably think Joe is giving them. Is, like, giving them signals to like, hey, like, the Liver King was trying to, like, fight him or something. You remember that? Liver King lost his mind.

[Alex]

I didn't hear about this.

[Eldis]

Eating cat testicles or whatever.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

I'd go crazy too, for.

[Stavi]

No, he. He lost his mind. But, yeah, shout out to. Shout out to the Green Berets guarding the Mothership.

[Alex]

But it was cool. I mean, I had, you know, I had a decent time. I like all that was fun. Yeah, I liked it. You, everybody.

[Eldis]

Here's the thing, Alex, you might have had too much fun in la.

[Stavi]

What were we up to, Alex?

[Alex]

I was working, okay?

[Eldis]

Working with an E. Working.

[Alex]

I was working, okay? And, no, I just like. Like, I had never been in la. I was there for, like, six months. I had never been there that long. I'd been, like, a few times in and out. But what I realized was you can't take one selfie with a palm tree behind you without people, my friends, being like, oh, look at you. You love la. Like, I'm like, I never said.

[Eldis]

I said you liked it, though.

[Alex]

I never said I hated it, though. Also, I never lived there long enough.

[Stavi]

Alex, you hate the lady doth protest too much. Alex, sounds like you fucking loved la. Sounds like you're moving back.

[Alex]

It was fine. I just was like, oh, but it's not New York. I'm like, everything. I'm walking everywhere looking homeless.

[Guest Caller 1]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

I was walking all over la. Like, why everybody? I literally had, like, three separate friends on three separate occasions texting me. I saw you walking.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

They said, you good. Where's the GoFundMe, babe?

[Alex]

At no point during any of those texts, anybody saying, I was gonna turn around and come get you either. I'm like, this city is fake.

[Stavi]

Yeah, interesting.

[Eldis]

That might be Alex, but I don't wanna be racist. That could be.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, that could be any black.

[Eldis]

Guy with a backpack.

[Alex]

I just walk, I just walking everywhere. But I mean, got like a farmer's tan. The sun was always out.

[Stavi]

I was like, I did the thighs out.

[Eldis]

You had the thigh.

[Alex]

I had to. I mean, you had to. It was like 90 degrees every day.

[Stavi]

Beautiful.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I'm jealous.

[Alex]

It was all right.

[Stavi]

I love the sun. I love getting out there. I love getting tanned up. This has been very hard for me. I went to the, I did a little wellness retreat in the desert over the, like the heart of the winter, like December, January. It was fucking awesome. And then I come back here, I'm depressed. I need the sunshine.

[Eldis]

I mean, it's been 50 degrees in New York. So shout out to global warming. That hot beach.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it's been pretty good. But yeah, in fact we're doing, I had, we're doing. We have a studio upstairs. We're doing this because I pulled my ass cheek muscles and I'm in a. I'm in a chair. Elaborate supports. No deadlifts. Unfortunately, a cable deadlift.

[Alex]

Crazy. Because given how I live my life, I have never pulled an ass cheek. It's crazy that happened to you.

[Stavi]

It is true. Oh yeah.

[Alex]

I haven't engaged in an activity in a long time.

[Guest Caller 2]

Shut up.

[Stavi]

Oh, you're, you're a celibate man now?

[Alex]

No, no, no. Like, like switched up bottoming. You're top, you say in France.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. Now do you mature into topping? Is that what.

[Alex]

We've talked about this before?

[Stavi]

Right, right.

[Alex]

We've discussed this before.

[Stavi]

Being a bottom is a childish actor.

[Alex]

I haven't done it since I was like 31. Yeah, well, I feel like, I feel.

[Eldis]

Like being a bottom is like peak gay. Like varsity gay.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Eldis]

Topping. You know, any straight lady, the closer.

[Stavi]

You get, you can fucking ass.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the closer you get to having to go and get a colon. You gotta like, you know, wrap it up, wrap it up and use your front.

[Stavi]

Yeah. If you've had polyps removed, you can't get your ass anymore.

[Alex]

Lowkey might be sitting on one right now. I need, I need to check it.

[Eldis]

You want to sit on the hot thing that he's sitting on for his butt?

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, I got, I literally have the heating pad on Alex.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Interesting. Now then I feel bad though. What if an old guy wants to get his ass? You know, I'm Sure.

[Eldis]

They still doing it?

[Alex]

Oh, there's plenty of porn out there. You can look and look it up. Old men are getting. Getting wrecked out here. And every time I see these videos, I'm like. Because there's a lot of videos that you do now on Twitter. You just like, swipe and it's like, oh, I'm watching gay sex.

[Stavi]

Sure. Of course.

[Eldis]

You know when you jump on X.

[Stavi]

And you see sex when you're on XD everything app, yo, you never know where you're gonna. It truly is everything.

[Alex]

There is a section of that place where, like, you'll scroll and you'll see gray pubes getting pounded from the POVs.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Alex]

Missionary style. And I'm like, oh, Unc. Granddaddy.

[Stavi]

You know what I get?

[Eldis]

I need to change my elbow.

[Stavi]

You know what I get a lot is I get women on a roller coaster and their tits almost pop out. I get that video over and over again, and I watch every second of it. Every time you're like, come on, this one's gonna pop out. And they never do. They never show nipple, which is one's gotta pop out.

[Eldis]

Stop. You need to write a letter to your congressman.

[Stavi]

Start showing tits on roller coasters.

[Alex]

What's your algorithm giving on what?

[Stavi]

X, Anything, whatever. Yeah, that's true. What kind of media do you even consume right now?

[Eldis]

I'm getting a lot of Cam Newton content.

[Alex]

Outfit of the day. Inspo td.

[Eldis]

Yes. Scarecrow of the day.

[Stavi]

I will say I could see Cam new. A Cam Newton style guy being with a Rachel Dolezall. Oh, to come all the way back.

[Guest Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

But I feel like she might be too smart for him.

[Alex]

Oh, wow.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, he.

[Eldis]

You know, he got a lot of CTE underneath.

[Alex]

I don't know. CTE in there too.

[Stavi]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Alex]

I think they are actually equally yoked.

[Stavi]

It is funny. He's decided he's a philosopher now.

[Eldis]

Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

And he's those. Those conductors hats and the. Like the.

[Alex]

When Natalie Nunn makes. When you make Natalie Nunn look intelligent, something's wrong. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Someone said he dresses how he spells and he can't spell.

[Stavi]

See, he loves weird fonts.

[Alex]

Oh, he loves.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

I didn't know. But all his captions used to be in hieroglyphics.

[Stavi]

Yep, yep. No, he loves.

[Alex]

So bad with these big ass hats. Look at this. He looked like he just like, dove into a pile of clothes and was like, ta da. This is the outfit.

[Eldis]

Every day is laundry day at his house.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Like, what is this?

[Alex]

Have you.

[Eldis]

He cut the top off yeah, he does.

[Alex]

Cut the top off of his head.

[Eldis]

With the ceiling missing.

[Alex]

I saw him from behind at the Atlanta airport, like, a year or two ago. That's. That's Cam Newton.

[Eldis]

I recognized him from his butt or his hats.

[Alex]

The hat. The hat.

[Stavi]

He was wearing a suede stripe suit is probably why he looks something.

[Alex]

I just was like, you know how you can tell who Fran Lebowitz from behind? Like, you. You know that. You know that person?

[Stavi]

I don't know. I feel like there's a lot of friend Lebowitz in this. In this neighborhood.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Little Ed, get her on the pie.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

A bunch of Ednas from the back.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Yeah. He looks like Joseph and his coat of many colors.

[Stavi]

So what. What are you getting? What do you get, like, him. His wisdom or.

[Alex]

If he rolled up on me, would you. Would you go out with her?

[Eldis]

Absolute.

[Stavi]

If you didn't know.

[Alex]

If you didn't know who he was. He rode up on you with this outfit on, you wouldn't.

[Eldis]

I'd be like, oh, eclectic.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. How long could somebody dress like that, have a conversation with you? Do you think Marie, free of the.

[Eldis]

Bag of PhD set up. I'm. I'm going to start from the top and work my way down and then come back up.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Eldis]

And be like, wow, what a. That's an interesting pin. Are these glasses for real or for fake?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

He looks like he pops the lenses out of his. His frames.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean, the hats are really interesting. What did happen? I guess you're right.

[Alex]

It is.

[Eldis]

He has, like, nine cte.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

And they all dress him together.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Everyone. Everyone. Everyone picks an article of clothing.

[Alex]

That's what it's giving.

[Stavi]

It's like a kindergarten art project.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Eldis]

So, yeah, I get stuff like that. I get dating content a lot. And. Yeah. Let's see what else is online.

[Stavi]

What kind of dating kind like people talking about it.

[Eldis]

The last thing that I saw was this girl said she messaged a guy she was supposed to go on a date with, and she said, hey, are we going 50, 50 on this date? And. Or. Or not? And he was like, yeah, let's go 50, 50. So she said she showed up in sweatpants with no makeup, and one of her nails was missing.

[Alex]

Yo.

[Eldis]

And he said, I wish you would put a little bit more effort. And she said, why? We just hanging.

[Stavi]

She goaded him into it, though.

[Alex]

And a light bulb appeared above Marie's head.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

I. Oh, I could be ashy on these things. Well, yeah. She said, you know, I'm just hanging with the bro. Why would I put makeup on?

[Alex]

That's crazy. That's a good philosophy, but it's also.

[Stavi]

Crazy to, like, waste one of your evenings that way. You know what I mean? Why would she even do that then? It's like, if you know you're not going to date a guy who wants to go 50. Although I will say she kind of trapped him into it because he didn't even know. He didn't. He wasn't. He was like, oh, she must be some. She must have some moral, philosophical thing where she wants to go 50, 50. Whereas he might have not. He might have just paid for the whole. I would never.

[Eldis]

If he wanted to pay for. If he wanted to, he would.

[Stavi]

Okay, but see this. This is the mind games portion of modern dating where it's like she puts 50, 50 even in his mind. That never was anywhere. He didn't say, let's go 50, man.

[Eldis]

Why are you trying to go Dutch with me?

[Alex]

I'm not.

[Stavi]

Listen, I'm never splitting a check on. Unless it's like, some kind of crazy. We've been dating forever, and it's like, just normalized kind of. You get me? But even then, I feel like it's like, oh, I'll get this one. Whatever. Yeah, I mean, whatever. At this point, I'm. I've made up money.

[Eldis]

I'm not making. I'm not going 50. 50. In my mind. If we've been together for a while and I want to pick up the check, I'll pick up the whole thing. I'm not. We not.

[Stavi]

That's fair.

[Eldis]

Half. And no, I'm not.

[Stavi]

I don't even go 5050 with my friend. Like, with eldest or whatever. It's like, you. Well, I pay for everything. But, like.

[Alex]

But.

[Stavi]

But I mean, like, you don't have a corporate card. Oh, I was like, elder's, like, I got this one. Who swipes the corporate card? I pay for it, after all.

[Guest Caller 1]

You need a coffee. If you do, I'll use the corporate card.

[Stavi]

You can't get one coffee. I buy every meal. Hey, you living good, daddy. No, no, it's true. But I mean, like, even, you know, like, let's say a friend of an equal bank account. You're right. We're never going 50 50. It's like, all right, you get this one, I get the other one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

I'm listening to y', all, and I'm just like, heterosexuality is a prison.

[Stavi]

Yeah, well, gay guys don't even. Might not even Just speak with their voices. There might just be text messages. You might have never heard him talk.

[Eldis]

Gay guys, one of them not even gonna eat.

[Stavi]

Eating.

[Eldis]

He like, I ate at the house.

[Alex]

And then the one who does eat, we just don't pay. We leave.

[Eldis]

Yes, dine and all. 20, 26. We dining and dashing.

[Stavi]

Yep.

[Alex]

And that's what I call eating ass. Dine and dash. I eat and I leave.

[Stavi]

Now has that behavior changed? Cause you're saying you're topping now, but are you still doing, like, a rare.

[Alex]

When you're topping, you're eating way more ass than you've ever had in your life because.

[Eldis]

Oh, good for you.

[Stavi]

It comes through the territory.

[Alex]

Yeah. You know, but, you know, you gotta be careful. You gotta sniff first.

[Eldis]

Well, they doing all that prep.

[Alex]

Not always.

[Eldis]

They're not always prepping.

[Alex]

Not always. Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. Literally, not to be cr.

[Eldis]

Alex, this is where you can't be crass.

[Alex]

Not to be crass. This is a Christian program.

[Eldis]

My pastor is watching.

[Alex]

But back in my bottoming days, I never. Zero accidents on my end.

[Stavi]

Good for you.

[Alex]

So I don't get how these boys are running around here, like, thank you.

[Stavi]

Thank you.

[Alex]

Because nobody's applauding at home.

[Eldis]

The boys are saying, come as you are.

[Stavi]

It's awesome to take a pull up your pants approach to getting your ass to, like, a Bill Cosby. Like. Like, where's the decency? When I got my ass, my hole was clean. These boys. These boys these days don't know anything about a. A bidet, an enema, not even a wipe.

[Alex]

I'm telling you, if a man wipe. If Cosby actually came back on that platform, he would get me back. He would. I mean, we need. That is a voice of the.

[Stavi]

Of the people, conservative homosexuals for Bill Cosby's release.

[Eldis]

Is Cosby in jail or is he out?

[Stavi]

Oh, no, he got in jail.

[Alex]

Opened up that jail. So he was like.

[Stavi]

Oh, he was released 20, 21.

[Eldis]

I forgot about that.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, I forgot about that. He think he legged right up out of there. He didn't even. He wasn't even in prison for like a year, was he?

[Eldis]

Well, Diddy's been in jail for longer.

[Alex]

I mean, you think they eating his.

[Eldis]

Ass in jail or you think Diddy's eating his ass?

[Stavi]

I think he's doing a. I think he's having a great time.

[Alex]

I think he's having a blast. I think Diddy, like, if you're someone like Didd, prison can't be that bad. No, if like it's people in there that love your music, that's it too. R. Kelly's music.

[Stavi]

Hold on. Diddy's music. Who the loves Diddy's music?

[Alex]

Oh, niggas in prison.

[Stavi]

You're right. Somebody's stupid enough to be a criminal in the 90s. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Eldis]

Somebody with a walkman in jail is still riding with Diddy and they not listening to I'm coming home Now.

[Alex]

We're at Summer Jams, 1997 and shit like that. That was it.

[Stavi]

What is Diddy. What is like Diddy like? I guess. Guess where even are his like, missing you iconic verses.

[Eldis]

I'll be missing you.

[Guest Caller 1]

Can nobody hold me down?

[Stavi]

Yeah, I still play that from time to time.

[Guest Caller 1]

That song's amazing.

[Stavi]

You know, he. He's on the. The greatest cuck anthem of all time too. What's it.

[Guest Caller 1]

Oh, the Mario song.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

I don't want to know.

[Stavi]

I don't want to know. Yeah. Which is maybe it's the craziest cuck song of all time. He's like, listen. Go get.

[Alex]

Don't get.

[Stavi]

Keep it on. Like, listen.

[Eldis]

Cause my heart can't.

[Stavi]

I'm too delicate about you sucking other guys off. But keep at it. Just be.

[Alex]

And if you're playing me, keep it on the.

[Stavi]

That's insane. That's an insane life philosophy.

[Alex]

I'm curious who wrote that song? Who? Cuz? Who was singing that? Mario.

[Eldis]

Mario.

[Alex]

Mario.

[Stavi]

Wh.

[Eldis]

But there was another rapper on that.

[Stavi]

It was. Diddy was on it. Diddy was on it.

[Alex]

Was it Loom.

[Stavi]

Wasn't Diddy on it?

[Eldis]

Diddy was on it.

[Alex]

Diddy was on it. Yeah.

[Stavi]

What's Diddy's verse from that? Let's, let's, let's. Let's look for clues.

[Alex]

Oh yes, this is fun. Cuz he. I mean, he literally thought he was like one of like the top 10 rappers dead or alive.

[Stavi]

And then that fucking. The. When he just. The cat. The Godzilla soundtrack song where he's just doing the Led Zeppelin song. I don't want to know where you whereabouts or how you're moving. Oh, so he's a cuck in this too.

[Alex]

I know when you were in the house and when you're cruising it's been.

[Stavi]

Proven my love you're abusing and I can't understand how a man got you choosing. So this is him being mad that he's getting so Diddy at least shows a little fight as a cuckoo. Whereas Mario rolls over completely and he's.

[Alex]

Like, he gave you extra put you.

[Stavi]

In the suv, you wanted ice, so I made you freeze. So Diddy's basically like, how dare you, you whore.

[Alex]

You whore.

[Eldis]

I made you hot like the West Indies. I could have written this.

[Stavi]

No, no. This is a horrible verse. It's like you can tell when he's gotten his shit ghost written. And when he's like, you know what? Diddy's working the pen this time.

[Eldis]

Because if it's not, then it's best you leave. Holla.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. So Diddy at least shows a little fight.

[Alex]

He's like, yeah. Does it say who wrote it?

[Eldis]

Imagine it was R. Kelly.

[Alex]

I mean, it could have been.

[Stavi]

Now R. Kelly's music is everywhere. I understand. If a criminal is like, oh, R. Kelly's the man. Cause like now even law abiding citizens secretly will listen to some R. Kelly from time to time.

[Eldis]

Listen off the record.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. Turn the mics off, Elvis.

[Eldis]

You put the mic real low off the record.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

I listened to one R. Kelly song, but only in air plane mode, so the stream don't count. And is it?

[Alex]

And is it. I still believe I can fly.

[Stavi]

No streaming numbers or the world's greatest. Yeah, the world's greatest.

[Alex]

You've always had this idea that I think this is how we get to listen to his music.

[Stavi]

Let's hear it.

[Alex]

Is if all of his music gets split up and it gets remade by John Legend and genuine John Legend.

[Stavi]

John Legend is insane. John Legend.

[Alex]

John Legend for the spiritual songs and genuine. For the freaky songs. I think that's a perfect.

[Stavi]

The whole thing about R. Kelly is that there was an edge even to the spiritual. Like it made like I believe I can. Like there's some behind him. John Legend. You. You let him talk church. It sounds like church in a bad way.

[Eldis]

Yeah, it sounds a little bit slave himy.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Eldis]

But R. Kelly, not the Help.

[Alex]

Soundtrack featuring. Right.

[Eldis]

It's like civil rights scene.

[Alex]

Selma.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Ye.

[Eldis]

It's like John Legend makes music that you listen to in the back of the bus.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Eldis]

But yeah, R. Kelly music does sound like he was wearing leather pants.

[Alex]

No draws.

[Eldis]

No draws.

[Alex]

Full commando.

[Stavi]

Me and Elvis. Me and Elvis did a drive. We. When? When? When they had like ruined every airport and they were just canceling every flight. Like three or four. Three or four months ago or whatever.

[Alex]

Okay. Yeah.

[Stavi]

I was on the road. We were on the road in North Carolina. Greensboro. We had to drive back. Our flights got canceled. Canceled. We drove through the night. We did the shows. We got done at like New Midnight and we just drove to Baltimore and then New York the next night. So from like four, it was like a four or five hour drive. When things got really dicey, we threw on R. Kelly's what mixtape was that Chocolate Factory demo. His, the demo the Gangster Girls.

[Alex]

Oh, I remember that.

[Stavi]

It's a great mixtape.

[Alex]

That was college. I remember this.

[Guest Caller 1]

It was like every remix, the best I ever had.

[Stavi]

Every girl. Yeah, every girl.

[Guest Caller 1]

Every girl in the world.

[Alex]

There was some great age.

[Stavi]

Can I say that one did make me uncomfortable because that was, that was like a criminal being. Like, this is my crime. I would love to literally every woman, no matter what age.

[Alex]

Even the ones who haven't been born yet.

[Stavi]

He's such a pedophile. He's trying to like a guy's balls. He's like, there's, there's, there's girl embryos in this jizz.

[Alex]

Stop. Have you heard that Biggie lyric? That one Biggie lyric where he's like, I wish you so fine. I wish I could suck your dick.

[Stavi]

You know what that is? That's a Richard Pryor line. Oh, that was bisexual. But no one ever did famously bisexual.

[Alex]

The first bisexual stand up comedian.

[Eldis]

That's first bisexual black man in the.

[Stavi]

History of the world.

[Alex]

Couldn't be, Couldn't be me. But you know, imagine being.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

You want to somebody's dad's dick. That's a lot.

[Alex]

Well, it depend on the dad. Depend on the dad.

[Stavi]

But not to. Not because the girl was hot is what Alex is saying. Just cuz the dad was.

[Alex]

I would look at a girl and be like, damn girl, you fine. You got a daddy.

[Stavi]

Okay?

[Alex]

Not a. You're not. You got a brother? No. You got a daddy.

[Eldis]

No, you got a daddy. We've all seen hot dad.

[Stavi]

We've all seen a hot d. Of course, of course. That always trips me up when you just. There's a hot girl and then you meet her dad and she has his face and I'm like, oh, well, so stop.

[Alex]

Is this the same in the Greek community? When it's when like in the black community when someone tells you that you like your dad, it's usually an insult. Like you look like your dumbass daddy. You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

Like, damn, I look like my dumb ass daddy.

[Stavi]

Really? You have your dad's dad?

[Alex]

Yeah. Cause like I feel like, yeah, yeah, hell yeah. But it's like a thing where like women who look like their fathers end up being gorgeous and then guys who like their mother.

[Eldis]

You see how he fixed it?

[Alex]

Yeah, that's what they say.

[Stavi]

Well, they say and people, for some reason, you're like the hottest guys have slightly feminine features, and the hottest women have slightly androgynous features. And the examples they'll give is like, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Like, Brad Pitt kind of has, like a girl's lip. When he was young, he had like, full lips or whatever, and Angelina Jolie had, like, severe bone structure.

[Eldis]

But now their kids aren't as cute.

[Alex]

As you would expect, so they're all adapted.

[Eldis]

There's three kids, three biological kids.

[Alex]

Okay. That's right. Yeah.

[Stavi]

There is one that I think. I think, like, looks just like Brad Pitt. And I think Shiloh. I think Shiloh's trans or something.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's something like that going on in that family. It's like one.

[Eldis]

Yeah, there's always one.

[Alex]

There's always one. Now you don't have a trans kid.

[Eldis]

You. You.

[Alex]

You're doing it wrong.

[Eldis]

You need to have another baby.

[Alex]

All your kids are straight. Wow, that's crazy.

[Stavi]

Oh, CIS straight.

[Alex]

Yeah, you got. You got all sis. Kids, kids. You doing it wrong.

[Stavi]

You doing it wrong.

[Eldis]

Because if you're straight in 2026, that's gay.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

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[Alex]

Did you grow up getting whoopings?

[Stavi]

I got a couple here and there. When you really up you. I would get.

[Alex]

I used to get lashing.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I used to get the belt.

[Stavi]

Well, my parents would. My grandma would pretend she just didn't have it in her to hit us. And then we were real pieces of. She would hit us with a shoe and then my shoe. We're talking like slipper, classic boot, not a platformer. There was one.

[Alex]

Do you remember your last whooping? Like your last, like.

[Stavi]

Well, that's punishment. That one was like. My dad was kind of like. I think he could sense that in like a year this would just be two men fighting.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Stavi]

So it really. It honestly was a little too close to.

[Eldis]

It wasn't in it.

[Stavi]

No, it was. That's my last one.

[Alex]

He's a piece of shit.

[Eldis]

He said this the playoffs.

[Stavi]

He was.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

He was like, all right. Got time to get my money's worth.

[Eldis]

He back there stretching.

[Stavi]

He fucked me up, honestly. And that probably really set back our relationship, I would say for maybe a decade because he was a grown man with a fucking lacrosse stick. Just being like, I thought you were gonna be home. I was like. And I felt I was pissed off. Cause I was like. I was hanging. I was like eating Chinese food with two girls and I was like, dad, I'm trying to be cool and get pussy. I thought you'd be proud of me. You should respect me for this. If anything. Help me get some tear.

[Alex]

Tears in your eyes.

[Eldis]

I'm like, I was hanging at with chicks.

[Alex]

Please, please, sir, I want some pussy.

[Eldis]

Please, sir, may I have some pussy?

[Stavi]

Literally, it pissed me off.

[Eldis]

I can't remember the last whooping that.

[Alex]

I. I remember mine. It wasn't even a Whooping.

[Stavi]

I.

[Alex]

It was the day my mom realized that the belt wasn't working anymore. So, like, I had just. It was like when I was starting to get taller than her. And I remember, like, I had done something. I know I did something. And she hit me with the belt.

[Eldis]

Belt.

[Alex]

And I was getting annoyed more than. It was like, ouch. And so she backed up and I started balling my fist up, and she was. She was like, oh, you want to hit me? And she got in my face like. Like I was some random on the street. She dropped the belt, and then she punched me in my chest.

[Eldis]

Good for her.

[Alex]

Good for her.

[Eldis]

She was like, oh, that's how you. That's how you raise the young. Good black voice. Punch him in the chest. Good gay black voice.

[Alex]

She was like, oh, you wanna hit me?

[Stavi]

Bam.

[Alex]

I was like, she punched you in the chest?

[Eldis]

And you're like, I don't even like pussy no more.

[Alex]

Then when my dad hit me for the first time, my dick got hard. Whoa.

[Eldis]

We need to talk to Freud about this.

[Alex]

I was like, you don't even know what you just did.

[Eldis]

My dick off. Heart is crazy. Oh, my God. So you do like dad.

[Alex]

Yeah. I'm sweating.

[Eldis]

That's why I don't have no sleep.

[Alex]

You. I don't. I couldn't see you. I mean, I can see you being a bad little kid, but I couldn't see you getting girls.

[Stavi]

You're playing an annoying, energetic child.

[Eldis]

I was an annoying child because I would he here. My parents talk about people, and then when the person would come visit, I would tell them you were that kid. I'd be like, oh, my God. My mom said you don't have a husband.

[Stavi]

My mom said you got so fat your husband left.

[Alex]

Oh, my God.

[Eldis]

What goes on in his house and throw me in the back.

[Alex]

What goes on in this house stays in this house. And you like? No, what goes on. This house is for the streets.

[Eldis]

My parents are gossips. So I would listen and be like, this is the guy that. That can't read.

[Alex]

I heard you ain't got no job.

[Eldis]

They said you don't work.

[Stavi]

That's awesome.

[Alex]

And you're getting cheated on by your wife. Yeah.

[Eldis]

She'S spilling tea.

[Stavi]

Were you bad in other.

[Eldis]

In other me?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

I used to steal. I was a klepto as a kid. I was. I had a long career too. I could have went pro.

[Alex]

She was a criminal.

[Eldis]

I could have robbed the lou.

[Stavi]

What were we taking?

[Eldis]

Oh, I used to steal from, like, the school store. So I used to steal steal everything. Pencil erasers, fans. And then I was stealing snacks out of kids backpacks that I like.

[Alex]

Oh, you was at school getting crazy.

[Eldis]

My parents always. My mom always gave us really healthy snacks.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Eldis]

Pretzels was like a fun snack. Right in duncaroos.

[Stavi]

Yeah, they got gushers. Yeah, they got the.

[Eldis]

The crackers with that weird cheese and the little red stick. My parents weren't giving me that.

[Alex]

So what kind? I'm sorry. Since it's that you, what was your cereal looking like at the crib? Like Cheerios and unflavored corn flakes.

[Eldis]

We could put a spoonful of sugar in them.

[Alex]

Oh my God.

[Eldis]

But my mom would get us like Golden Grams and stuff like that.

[Stavi]

I mean it was interesting.

[Alex]

It's still like elderly cereal.

[Eldis]

Yeah, Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I remember she got that. I ate that every day for like a week.

[Stavi]

But no snacks. She allowed you to have a good cereal but no snacks?

[Eldis]

Yeah, she was sending me to school with like yogurt and apple slices, a tangerine. It's like they eating popcorn.

[Stavi]

You into crime.

[Eldis]

Their teeth are falling out. I want that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Eldis]

She did push me into crime. Cuz then when I got to high school, we were stealing from the mall.

[Alex]

Yo.

[Eldis]

We were going to Target. My friend was dropping us off like team one, go. Half of us would jump out and then she'd be like, team two, go. And she was the driver. So she be like, I'm not going to go in and steal, but make sure you get something for me too. So that's how we.

[Stavi]

She's got the getaway. Getaway car.

[Alex]

Of course. When I was in middle school, I was on the basketball team and we had this. Listen, I was not playing a lot.

[Stavi]

I was also. I was also in the middle school basketball.

[Alex]

I was on the middle school basketball team.

[Eldis]

I was also on the middle school basketball.

[Stavi]

There we go.

[Alex]

I was only on the team because my mama was fine and the coaches wanted to see her every day. That was truly it.

[Eldis]

Really?

[Alex]

That's what I believe. I'm like, there's no way they. I'm pretty sure there were like several other boys that could have been on the team that I got over me. But my mama was gorgeous. So they were like.

[Stavi]

Do you think there were any forced Gump situations in your life, Alex?

[Alex]

Absolutely.

[Eldis]

What's the Forest Gump situation?

[Stavi]

Well, Forest Gump couldn't get into school cuz he was mentally disabled. And let's just say his mom had a little agreement with the principal that got him into school. Damn.

[Eldis]

My mama always.

[Alex]

I think. I don't think my mama was like giving it up, but she was making them believe that. She was alluding to like. You know, you got to put.

[Eldis]

That's how you get what you want. You gotta let them think they got a chance.

[Alex]

But I was. We were on the team and it was like around Christmas time and we. We had a. Like a social studies teacher who would like sell potato chips to us like for like 50 cents to a dollar. Like a dollar, something like that. And so we do.

[Stavi]

Is that one that the teacher did that? That should be for a kid. That's for like. You could always tell the kid who's gonna become a drug dealer. Cause he was the one in elementary school that was like. Would hold. Buy wholesale chips and send them.

[Alex]

I used to sell C burnt CDs. I used to like put songs on CDs.

[Stavi]

The CD kid was always summer old.

[Eldis]

Classic CD Alex is jammed with a Z.

[Stavi]

There's a guy, there's. There's the CD kid. For sure.

[Alex]

I was a CD kid.

[Eldis]

I didn't have a CD kid.

[Stavi]

Oh, I was a CD kid. You bought your. Your albums as a kid?

[Eldis]

No, my. I guess my brother was the CD kid cuz he would just, you know.

[Stavi]

Oh, you had the burner at home.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh, see this, this is before. This is a time where you didn't read.

[Alex]

Let's tell you about an old time back in the day when we had these little.

[Stavi]

Would have like the 8 CD burner. Yeah.

[Alex]

Oh, okay. Speaking of that, please. When my. I don't know if I've ever told you about this please. This dad in prison from home stories. But when my dad came home from prison, he was married and like I used to go over to their house and stay or whatever and they had this. They had lime wire kaza on their computer. On their home computer. So just like I was doing at my house, I was like downloading gay.

[Eldis]

Porn turning into a cd.

[Stavi]

And you would have to let it go overnight, right? Cause or at least I did.

[Alex]

I had dialogue sometimes when videos a long time I would.

[Stavi]

I would tie up the phone line all night. So if someone had to go to the hospital or it was loud ass.

[Alex]

Connection.

[Stavi]

Just to see lady sucking dick.

[Alex]

And yeah, so.

[Stavi]

And I would wake up that you could tell when I was downloading pornography because I would be like ah, a beautiful day. I'm up at like 7am ready to check the progress.

[Alex]

It's like 44%.

[Eldis]

Something happened. It. The it. There was a.

[Alex]

Meanwhile your mom has miss 15 calls.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

Damn.

[Alex]

But I downloaded it to my dad's house computer and so didn't think of it. Leave. I remember I was driving. I was driving from, like. I was driving in a car with my mom from like, IHOP or something like that. And we get a call from my.

[Stavi]

Dad also, like, doesn't re. Like, just got out of prison, doesn't really know how the technology works. He just finds gay porn on his computer. Like, he's like, are they putting this on computer?

[Alex]

His wife.

[Eldis]

Jinkies.

[Alex]

My stepmother found it. They called my mom. We were in the car. They called my mom, and they were like, is Alex looking at gay porn? Because it's all this gay porn on our computer.

[Eldis]

It's saved on the desktop.

[Alex]

It was like the Internet history and shit. And so at the time, I just was not aware of, like, deleting the search history. So my mom was like. She almost crashed the car. She was like, are you looking at gay porn at their house? You know, I was like, oh, my stepsister did that. That ain't got nothing to do with me. Ye.

[Eldis]

You said he did rifle. That couldn't be me.

[Stavi]

I lied all so at this point, your mom doesn't know you're gay or she doesn't know you're looking at porn? What are we talking about?

[Alex]

This was like, what do you think?

[Stavi]

She's.

[Alex]

This was like seventh, eighth grade. So I'm sure there were, like, little things here or there. But she definitely wouldn't have been okay with it, of course.

[Eldis]

Of course. She's cool with it now, though.

[Alex]

She cool with it now, though, which is kind of crazy. I'm like, girl, you are not who you were.

[Eldis]

I mean, the gross, the thing. Our parents get older and then they get like, softer and, like, chill. Yeah, I don't know. Not my mom. The older my mom gets, the more religious she's becoming. And it's like, girl, why are you reading this Bible again? Yeah, it's not a good book.

[Stavi]

It's the same story. We get it.

[Eldis]

He dies in the middle, not even at the end.

[Stavi]

Oh, does it? Yeah. How does it end? What's the end of the week?

[Alex]

Don't ask me. I'll read that.

[Eldis]

Yeah, it ends with, like, the world ending.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's the final chapter. Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Caller 3]

Revelation.

[Alex]

Come on, tell us how the Bible.

[Stavi]

I did, but I. I did go to vacation Bible school, but do not remember most of it. Listen, Revelation is the end. Okay? Interesting.

[Eldis]

That's why those people be outside with the sign that said the end is near. And it's like it's been near for 59 years.

[Alex]

The end has happened like for several decades.

[Stavi]

Yeah. We're probably not too far away from like. Because there was like a, like in the 1800s, every like five years there was a cult that's like world's ending. I feel like we gotta be getting close to those times.

[Eldis]

I think we're close.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I mean, how many people did Covid wipe out?

[Stavi]

Covid.

[Alex]

Covid got rid of a lot of people.

[Eldis]

Covid. How many people you think did it.

[Alex]

From COVID did its big one.

[Stavi]

Well, for sure. I remember before when I opened for. I think I've told the story a bunch of times. But Eddie Griffin, and he was open for Eddie Griffin way back in the day.

[Alex]

Yeah, I noticed.

[Stavi]

And he was really. He thought now he didn't know about COVID but he thought Obama was going to force us to take vaccines that turned us into zombies.

[Alex]

Go on that Instagram account.

[Stavi]

I'm sure I'm. When Covid happened. This all falls right into Eddie Griffin's version of how the world's ending. And I mean, you know, I didn't.

[Eldis]

Know he was so ticky ticky boo girl.

[Alex]

Go on telling you, go on that Instagram account. Your algorithm gonna be all up.

[Eldis]

I don't know. I don't even mess with my algo cuz I like it how it is. I heard he be at the cellar cutting up.

[Alex]

Cutting. Cutting. He was, he was.

[Eldis]

He popped up with like a big ass security guard apparently.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I remember that guy. He was.

[Alex]

I was in the lounge like a year ago.

[Stavi]

Dude, I want to go there.

[Alex]

Talking so loud during the middle of my set. I was like. And I could see him. I'm like, what the are you doing?

[Eldis]

I was an undercover bro.

[Stavi]

Great movie, great movie. Great movie. By the way, I. I just rewatched Corky Romano. Great stuff as well. That's. That's that period of Chris Katan. Really good stuff.

[Eldis]

What happened to that man? He.

[Alex]

He's still out here.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Eldis]

Moving slow.

[Stavi]

Shit's not going good for Chris.

[Alex]

He had like a real bad neck injury or something like that. And he got addicted to some type of medication. Pain medication.

[Eldis]

Alex, you know everybody's business.

[Alex]

I'm you when you were four. No, I saw him at Skank Fest like two years ago. He was on the lineup. He was on the lineup. He was like having to be like recession indicator. He had to be walked. He had to be w. I mean he had to be like assisted walking around and stuff. It didn't look good at the 50 if too. And it was the same situation.

[Eldis]

Walker with the tennis balls underneath it.

[Alex]

He, he was almost. No, that was Cher. No.

[Stavi]

Cher had a young ass boyfriend.

[Alex]

A young ass fiance.

[Eldis]

We saw her, we saw the SNL after party and she passed by me and Alex was right next to you. She was like this close to my face, right? And I was like, I'm going to say something. I don't know what I'm going to say, but I'm going figure it out.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Eldis]

So she walks by, I said, hey Cher, you look fat. Eb. She looked at me. She didn't make any facial expressions. She literally was like.

[Stavi]

And then her.

[Eldis]

And then her 32 year old boyfriend pulled her away. And Alex is in my ear, hey Cher, you look.

[Alex]

It was one of the rare moments where cuz, you know, Marie interacts with people and they give her everything. So it was the one time where.

[Stavi]

I would see that she was, she was like. Would have loved to see you Stonewall.

[Alex]

By Rihanna's in my DMs every day.

[Eldis]

You don't even look that good. I was talking to your boyfriend.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Alex]

We have the same initials. Me and shares man A.E. fun fact.

[Stavi]

Okay, that's barely a fun fact.

[Eldis]

But Alex, that's not even really your initials.

[Alex]

Okay? Okay, well don't, don't, don't be getting into my business though. We supposed to be in every everybody.

[Eldis]

Else is business stage name.

[Alex]

Wait, but wait.

[Eldis]

I know you, Mr.

[Alex]

Hey, bleep that out. Bleep that out. Bleep that out. No, you will not.

[Eldis]

We have the same initials. So also that's Amber Rose's ex baby daddy.

[Stavi]

Oh, really?

[Alex]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

So you know how Amber Rose has that tattoo of across her forehead now?

[Stavi]

Yes. It's about Cher's fiance.

[Eldis]

Is he her fiance or whatever they got.

[Alex]

I think they got engaged.

[Stavi]

I thought okay, they were engaged.

[Alex]

Let me tell you something.

[Stavi]

I.

[Alex]

Before that interaction, I saw Sher and they were sitting at the same table eating dinner and I saw her. Saw her fiance cutting up her food for.

[Stavi]

Hey man, you want to be in the will or not?

[Eldis]

What you think I'm paying you for? And you better feed it to me. You better blow on it before you.

[Alex]

Put it in my mouth. I was like, I could not believe what I was seeing. Oh, I could, but I was just like. I was just like, oh, okay. I wasn't supposed to see.

[Stavi]

You want to cash in some of Sonny Bono's stocks. Then you better cut up that chicken cutlet.

[Alex]

Do you think you could do that when you become an older lady?

[Eldis]

If I'm old and I have a young.

[Alex]

She'll never be old.

[Eldis]

Never vampire. If when I'm old and I have a young.

[Alex]

A young boo like you like pushing on eggs. Young thing.

[Stavi]

I could actually see that.

[Eldis]

Yeah, I could do.

[Alex]

Do that.

[Eldis]

Yeah, I think I'll be able to do that.

[Stavi]

I could definitely see that for you.

[Eldis]

And I'm still gonna be wearing crop tops, loose skin, just like. Yeah, I think that's the. Like, when you're old, you should be allowed to do whatever you want.

[Stavi]

I fully agree.

[Eldis]

I think there's, like, two ways you could go as an old person. You could be, like, chill stoner, like, old person that don't give a damn. Or you get, like, real, like, angry and, like, get off my porch type.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

Old.

[Eldis]

I think I'm gonna be the cool old.

[Stavi]

Yeah, you gotta. You gotta go chill. You want to be a chill old person, and then you decide, like, you know, what kind. There's also different types of chill old people, Right? Like the stoner one. That's another one. I think there is. Classic grandpa. Grandma is a great one, too. Get fat as shit. Wear plaid, whittle. You know what I mean? Socks with sandals. Bake incredible desserts. You don't cook anything savory anymore. You're purely a dessert.

[Eldis]

Walk around the house with your robe open, just titties loose.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Hell, yeah. Hell, yeah. Sounds obvious.

[Alex]

You going to be greeting young men at your door like Samantha Jones, like.

[Eldis]

With my old, young nudes in the foyer. Yeah, you like that?

[Alex]

That's me.

[Eldis]

I still look like that. They're like, okay, titties on the floor. Where you want me to put your Amazon packages? Where you want me to set this dialysis machine up?

[Stavi]

Yeah, I guess I. I could definitely see that. I guess I could see you just cycling through and never actually having a meaningful relationship, too, you know?

[Eldis]

No, I think this is the year I'm ready to. I'm ready to. Because every guy I date, the guy after him is better.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Eldis]

So I feel like this is the year that I meet the person I'm gonna spend the rest of his life with. Cause, you know, men die faster if you push them down the stage. Oh.

[Stavi]

Also, it's, like, great. Like, I. I think about that too, where it's like, yeah. I mean, you don't want to be the second person in a loving marriage. You want to be the one that dies first. They have to deal with all the. You know what I mean? I'd rather die. And then I don't want to fucking plan the love of my life's funeral. Eldest, you're going way before your wife.

[Eldis]

You're.

[Stavi]

You're definitely going first. Yeah, you're like a Great Dane. They live till 9. Me too, by the way. I'm fat as shit. Whoever I end up up with, she's probably going to be younger too. And I'm fat as. Like I'm 25. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going share mode.

[Alex]

They going to find me dead somewhere.

[Eldis]

They going find you dad.

[Stavi]

Oh, no, you're great. The prison dad. The prison dad obsession is going to go too far, I think.

[Alex]

I think I would just like be in my home alone and just be.

[Stavi]

Like.

[Eldis]

They gonna find you when they do a wellness check.

[Alex]

No key kids. No, no, no. No family.

[Eldis]

You have a dog or something? A dog with like big droopy ears I can't have.

[Alex]

A cat is going to eat me.

[Eldis]

No, cuz a cat will eat.

[Alex]

A cat will eat you. I don't know.

[Stavi]

Yeah. What are you thinking, old man?

[Alex]

But see, here's okay. Here's. Here's okay.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So when I was like 17, 18, 19, even in my early.

[Eldis]

That's a lot of ages.

[Alex]

Like just in my younger phase, late teens, a lot of older guys were used to hit on me. Like I used to always get like guys in their 30s and 40s shit. And even if 50s talking to me. And so I would, I would invite that.

[Stavi]

I'd be like, let's just say 18 and 19. For the purposes of this podcast, let's just go ahead and leave 17 out.

[Eldis]

Well, we were just talking about R. Kelly, so it's on scene.

[Alex]

Yo, yo. I legit had when I was like, you know, when Facebook first started, you know, I was like 16. 17.

[Eldis]

And I was 16.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Okay, you're going the wrong way.

[Alex]

No, no, I'm telling you, I had. There was consistently, and this is bad, but I used to have a dude that would like message me on Facebook who was like, well into his 50s, being like, Happy Birthday. Are you 18 yet?

[Stavi]

Oh, wow.

[Eldis]

You should say send me money for my birthday.

[Alex]

Yeah, I'm almost 18, so I used to get that kind of attention, but I also didn't like shy from it. I'd be like, yeah, I'm fucking this old dude, whatever, you know, just feeling myself. And now that I'm 37, my taste is kind of gone in reverse to Younger. Oh, but not that damn young.

[Stavi]

Not sure I can't drink.

[Alex]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Let me tell you something. I was. When I was in Austin, they. I didn't realize. I forgot that that's like a college town, right? So I would go to these bars and hang out, and, like, they would have signs that say, like, minor cover. And I was like, minor cover. Who was like, oh, these are 18. These bars around here are 18 and up. So you be walking around and all these young dudes, you know, sometimes they would try to talk to me. I'd be like, I need your I.D. i know you got up in here one time, one of these little. Was gay. They gave me. I g. They gave me the id I could tell it was fake. I was like, this is fake.

[Stavi]

This guy tried to fake ID so he could suck you off.

[Alex]

I was like. I was like.

[Eldis]

It said McLovin, and Alex said, I like some McLovin.

[Alex]

Listen. He gave me that I.D. i was like, look, I'm not about to tell on you or nothing, but you got to get the. Out of my face. I don't know how old you are, but you cannot talk to me. No, I refuse.

[Stavi]

Respect.

[Alex]

I refuse.

[Eldis]

Alex, you gathering them.

[Alex]

Thank you.

[Stavi]

I do, you know, going to go. Josh G. You're not going to get the same fate as Josh Giddy, is what you're saying.

[Alex]

I mean, I. I mean, you know how I would do it?

[Stavi]

An NBA player who, like, met a girl at a club. The. And she was underage, but he's like.

[Alex]

You know, you're not going to catch me slipping on that. Not. Not what. Whatsoever. But I will say I would do it. I would do it the. The David Geffen way.

[Stavi]

Which is.

[Eldis]

Which is.

[Stavi]

Did he kill his fucking. No, no, that's. Kill. No, no, that's a different. That's a different Dave.

[Alex]

The. The. The. The. The. Disney. Is he Disney? What's this?

[Stavi]

Some kind of.

[Alex]

He's one of them overlords. Yeah, he got.

[Stavi]

Oh, by the way, doing a private text. Couldn't have looked it up or anything like that.

[Alex]

He also famously was married to Cher.

[Stavi]

Oh, really?

[Alex]

He got married to share. Back in the day. Like, back in the day. But he's gay.

[Stavi]

Oh. So.

[Eldis]

Oh, he went to Brooklyn College.

[Stavi]

That is maybe the gayest thing you could. If you had to marry a woman and you pick Cher. That's the gayest choice possible.

[Alex]

Have you heard. Have you seen this documentary?

[Stavi]

Liza Minnelli is gay.

[Eldis]

He's worth 9.2 billion. Hey, David, if You watching?

[Alex]

But, oh, yeah.

[Eldis]

Donovan spoon feed you some st.

[Alex]

He don't want you, sis. He want me.

[Stavi]

He want me.

[Alex]

Dave.

[Stavi]

Dave, what was David Geffen up to? What's the David.

[Alex]

He was married to this guy, Donovan Michaels, this black guy, and they just. They just got a divorce last year. They met on, like, seeking. Arrange the seeking arrangement, and he was like, suing him for, like, a whole bunch of money.

[Stavi]

Holy shit.

[Alex]

You.

[Eldis]

Wait, who sued who?

[Alex]

Him, the ex husband. Because he wanted. He wants. I think he was asking for, like, $200,000, something like that. He wasn't asking for a 200,000 something like that.

[Stavi]

I don't know, $8 billion. You only get 200K.

[Eldis]

Well, he said, hey, I'm not trying to be greedy. Just give me a little crumb off the tower.

[Stavi]

You got. You got to leave with a couple million bucks. Did you.

[Eldis]

Do you guys remember Mariah Carey was dating some billionaire years ago, and after they broke up, she sued him for wasting her time and. And she won.

[Stavi]

She won.

[Eldis]

I think it was more than $200,000.

[Stavi]

Yeah. She said, hey, it does piss me off when just like, yeah, every. Like, how many billionaires just get to marry these women where it's like, these guys are fucking. There's no way these guys are cool. They just have that much money.

[Eldis]

But also think about these women. If you've been famous since you were 17, 18 years old, whatever, everyone around you is. People that you pay. Everyone around you is just making you feel like every decision and everything that you say is. Is gold. So, like, they need to be with somebody like this because, you know, they. I don't know. They.

[Stavi]

Oh, somebody.

[Eldis]

Two people need each other.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Eldis]

The rich guy needs the. The young diva.

[Stavi]

Well, yeah, yeah, I guess. But you're saying is like, the only way you can recreate, like, a traditional dynamic if you're that, like, rich and famous of a woman, is by getting somebody who's so rich he doesn't even consider you rich. Is that what you're saying?

[Eldis]

No, I'm just saying, like. Like he's used to people kissing his ass, and he can provide the lifestyle that she wants.

[Stavi]

Okay, I see. I see.

[Eldis]

You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Alex]

Do you believe the myth Mar. That Mariah Carey walks around with ginger ale bottles that get emptied out and put. They put wine inside of them so that she can walk around in public and take six?

[Eldis]

I've never heard that, but I believe it.

[Alex]

I've heard that.

[Eldis]

I believe she drinks champagne like it's water.

[Alex]

Like it's water.

[Eldis]

Yeah, I bet she puts caviar on her eggo waffles.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Alex]

Well, good for her.

[Stavi]

I'm really just pissed because Salma Hayek is married to some billionaire guy.

[Eldis]

Yeah, the l' Oreal guy.

[Stavi]

I don't know.

[Eldis]

Or something like that. He's like one of these mobiles. You thought Salma Hayek was going to.

[Alex]

Settle down with you.

[Stavi]

But I would like. Not me, but I would. Look at this guy. It's just some old guy.

[Alex]

Oh yeah? She dating him still? Yes, yes. The Hopkins tapped that.

[Stavi]

What I'm saying is I would have liked it to be an artist. Someone I could have seen. Like.

[Alex]

Like.

[Stavi]

Oh, maybe if I. We're the same age and I met her, it could have happened. But this guy. I got nothing in common with a billionaire.

[Eldis]

But she's the artist, she's the creative. He gotta be a little businessman, I guess. And he has to actually be a big businessman. Stop.

[Alex]

I still want to see you with a. With an older black lady.

[Stavi]

I would love that. Well, how much older are we talking?

[Alex]

It's up to you, King older than.

[Stavi]

Me, but not like 55.

[Eldis]

You with somebody older? I see somebody.

[Stavi]

What kind of black.

[Alex]

If you can any like black lady to give styles.

[Eldis]

I'm not giving sty a black lady. I wouldn't do that to my sisters.

[Alex]

Not.

[Eldis]

Not during Black History Month. Especially not during Black History Month. Maybe in March for the MC rid.

[Stavi]

Well, Greek Independence Day, March 25th for his birthday. My birthday is February 11th. You know, it is black History.

[Alex]

He has to have a dirty.

[Eldis]

He wants a young bimbo with big titties.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Eldis]

Does she need. She doesn't even have an ass.

[Alex]

Does she need. You know, I can see you. You know how I can see you with some. You know, I can see it's going to be a long back.

[Stavi]

I would prefer not a long back, but yes.

[Alex]

You know how I can see you with. Oh, and I know you would agree with this.

[Stavi]

Go ahead.

[Alex]

I know. Get, get ready.

[Eldis]

Okay.

[Alex]

St And Kim Whitley.

[Stavi]

Kim Whitley. You love titties.

[Eldis]

An older black lady.

[Stavi]

Listen, I love Kim Whitley. Actually, I do love Kim Whitley. And I would. I would love a beautiful. With Kim Whitley. But no, I don't think that's who I marry.

[Eldis]

And Jack Hayes.

[Stavi]

Jackie signed me up. I'm in on Jackie first Jack Harris, if you don't think I was into Jack. Hey, as a youth. You're out of your mind.

[Alex]

I'm writing a movie with you and Kim Whitley as a grow. Man, I feel like One of the.

[Eldis]

Sister sisters is single.

[Alex]

You.

[Stavi]

You're one of them. A t andor Tamara.

[Eldis]

No, I. I don't see sty with an old black lady because an old black lady doesn't want to, like, change.

[Stavi]

I don't think they're interested in me. Yeah, I don't think it's a. They're interested.

[Alex]

I think you. I think you. I think you underestimating Alex.

[Eldis]

Alex, you overestimate.

[Alex]

I'm here to pump up. I am here to pump up the white man. I am.

[Eldis]

Yeah. You know what? Do that on your own time. What you doing in the comfort of.

[Stavi]

Your gut, Conservative, black homosexual Alex English.

[Alex]

I get gay.

[Eldis]

I'm here to pump up the white man. First of all, that's gay.

[Alex]

I get closer and closer to that every time I come on this podcast. And I'm getting. I'm getting there. I'm getting that. I'm getting that Fox News invite.

[Eldis]

When he says old black lady, he talk about him.

[Alex]

Yeah, okay. Okay, fine. A rom com with me and stuff.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's not. Not bad. I like that.

[Alex]

What's the meet cute.

[Stavi]

I like that we could figure it out.

[Eldis]

I'm not doing it, but.

[Stavi]

Yeah, you're right. I. It's probably somebody younger than me. I'm immature. Yeah. You know what I mean? I like all that. Kind of. It's just someone. The best relationship I've ever had is somebody who was like five years younger than me, six years younger than me. You know, that was. That was kind of right in the Q zone, because it's like they're. We're about the same maturity level.

[Eldis]

Yeah. Because men don't hit emotional maturity to. Turned like 42.

[Stavi]

Yeah, we're still getting there.

[Alex]

We're still getting there over here.

[Stavi]

That's terrible.

[Eldis]

I don't know who's doing PR for straight men, but they're doing a terrible.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that actually checks out.

[Alex]

It's me. And still we rise.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Thank you. All right, well, listen, if you are a. A. A big titted woman of any ethnicity. Little. A little younger than me. I'm interested. Hit me up.

[Eldis]

I see a little Latinos for Trump. I see a little Cuban girl who.

[Stavi]

I would not like a Republican. Republican wife. That's not. I'm not interested in that.

[Eldis]

You don't want a little Melania on your arm.

[Stavi]

I don't want that.

[Eldis]

She don't. She has an accent. She don't really understand English that well.

[Stavi]

I don't have a problem with foreign, but just, you know, I don't I don't need a fucking. In these trying times, in these dark times, in these dark times, I don't need a Republican girlfriend. You know, I'm not side piece.

[Eldis]

Republican side piece.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's not bad, because they know how to keep their mouth shut. They know Republican women. Woman understands the power dynamic of being a side piece. There's honor in that, you know what I mean? You know, maybe I introduce her to a rich guy that she marries later, you know what I mean?

[Eldis]

That's because she is going to leave you for. Of course, she's using you as a.

[Stavi]

Stepping stone and that's great. That's fine. I don't want her long term either.

[Alex]

Tell you who they are immediately. You know, when they first meet?

[Eldis]

Yeah, you meet their representatives.

[Alex]

I hooked up with this guy years ago, and by the time I got back, by the time I, like woke up the next day, like, you know, putting my stuff on, I looked around, I was like, oh, this is a cop. This a cop. Basically the same thing. Oh, I saw. I saw a NYPD certificate. I was like, oh, let me get out this house.

[Eldis]

I'm like, nypd certificate is crazy because you don't even really have to go to school. They said, hey, it's a little training program for six.

[Alex]

I was looking at the pictures of the R. I was like, oh, you a cop?

[Stavi]

Oh, let me get up out of here. No questions.

[Alex]

I banged the cop by accident.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

No, you did it on purpose. You banged him on purpose. He was a cop. I've never had sex with a cop and I never will.

[Alex]

Somebody be fine, but it's never worth it.

[Stavi]

No.

[Alex]

Yeah, you know them videos that pop up when you see, like, fine officers?

[Eldis]

Actually, you know what? That's not true. I went on a date with a detective.

[Stavi]

Oh, detective.

[Eldis]

I went on a date with a cop.

[Stavi]

And how'd it go? 50. 50. You guys flip the check?

[Eldis]

No, no, absolutely not. Well, we were in the car. He came to pick me up, which is never do. But he came and picked me up. And I was like, what do you do? And while he was driving, he was like, I'll tell you when I park.

[Stavi]

And I was like, that's no good.

[Eldis]

This dead body's in the trunk. I'll tell you when I park.

[Alex]

His little lights flickered.

[Eldis]

And so we. We park. And he's like, the buildup is. I'm. I'm like, what is he about to say? And he goes, I'm a cop. And I was like. And he was like, I'm. I'M a detective for the Special Victims Unit.

[Stavi]

And I was like, stabler, just like.

[Alex]

That, you back in the game banging 22 Ola.

[Eldis]

I didn't bang him. I can't. I can't hook up with a cop. I just felt like it's specifically this dude. Like his job felt like interesting, cuz we've all seen it on tv.

[Stavi]

But he's like the kind of cop where you're like, this should exist. Not every cop should, but like, like those, like these kinds of crimes. Like, I do want some. Someone investigating these horrific crimes. Yeah.

[Eldis]

But when he started talking about work, he got this like far away look in his eyes and I was like, oh, he's seen some stuff.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh yeah, that's a good point too.

[Eldis]

And then when he dropped me off, he gave me as a gift, pepper spray. He said, you're gonna need this. It's crazy out here. I was like, no. I said, okay.

[Stavi]

Those aren't the vibes you want. No, no, no, no.

[Eldis]

That's scary.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Eldis]

It's still in the pack. I still have the pepper.

[Alex]

Good luck. Good luck out there.

[Eldis]

Be safe out there.

[Alex]

Okay, thanks.

[Stavi]

You can't.

[Alex]

Home safe.

[Stavi]

You drop me off. All three of us have a wealth of experiences and a wealth of knowledge, and I think it's time we applied that to our callers. What do you think, Eldis? Woo.

[Eldis]

Come on, Segue.

[Stavi]

Thank you. I'm a professional.

[Eldis]

That's why they pay you the big bucks. This big ass window right here, that's not a poor person window.

[Stavi]

No, far different from the windows we grew up with.

[Alex]

Yeah, right. I miss. I miss these people.

[Stavi]

People hit us with it. Elder. Life is pretty busy for me right now. I'm on tour, I'm shooting a show. We do the podcast every week and we are planning my next special. Things are a little all over the place. I realized cooking healthy meals on my own, that wasn't going to happen. I need a little help. And that's where Factor comes in. Factor doesn't ask you to meal prep or follow recipes. It just removes the entire process.

[Alex]

Problem.

[Stavi]

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[Guest Caller 2]

Hi Stavi and esteemed guest.

[Guest Caller 3]

I've got a bit of a.

[Guest Caller 2]

Unique one today. So I'm trans and I take testosterone given as injection once a week.

[Stavi]

Nice.

[Guest Caller 2]

And I live with this guy and we kind of work out in our home gym around the same time. And recently he's been like, yeah, man, you're. You're putting on a good amount of mass. You're putting on some. Some muscle there. I can. I can really see that the. The T is working. And I'm like, oh, yeah, man, thanks. And he's like, you know, is that really, like, kind of cheating? And I'm like, well, no, I take.

[Guest Caller 3]

The amount to get me to, you.

[Stavi]

Know, where to be. Like, not transphobic, but such a gym bro, that you're like, it's not fair that you get testosterone.

[Guest Caller 1]

I don't.

[Stavi]

You're getting jacked faster than me. I'm pissed. Keep going, Elvis.

[Guest Caller 2]

The amount to get me to, you know, where like, a CIS man's testosterone levels will be. Nothing higher or anything like that, like.

[Guest Caller 3]

Roy's would be do.

[Guest Caller 2]

He's like, oh, okay.

[Alex]

Cool, cool, cool, cool.

[Guest Caller 2]

And then recently I was going through, like, my stores of testosterone and.

[Stavi]

I.

[Guest Caller 2]

Noticed that I think I'm missing a few vials. I think a few vials might have been maybe snatched by my buddy here.

[Stavi]

So funny.

[Guest Caller 2]

He's also been putting on a lot of extra muscle recently, like a noticeable amount in a short amount of time.

[Stavi]

And pretty sure.

[Guest Caller 2]

Homie here is kind of like munching off my supply. How do I confront him?

[Alex]

Gotta fight him first.

[Eldis]

You need to re up on them.

[Alex]

Piles before you confront him on the V. And then when you get big, beat his ass. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah, That's a tough one.

[Alex]

It's a fair fight at that point.

[Stavi]

Does he have any more elders?

[Guest Caller 1]

That was basically. He also says, like, also if he wants any, I know guys where I could get like, roids for him if he's interested. But yeah, that's basically it.

[Alex]

I'm curious if the homeboy. The CIS homeboy, if he would just have asked. I'm wondering how generous this person would have been.

[Stavi]

They probably. He probably would have given him. He says he's got hookups for regular steroids, but I think this isn't. It's also not like, I don't know how. How hormones work, but I assume you don't just want the same tea that a trans guy is getting, Right? You want something.

[Alex]

I don't know.

[Stavi]

I mean, I'm sure it just helps any testosterone helps. But I guess first thing I would say is make sure he did steal from you, because I'm really forgetful and I. I have definitely thought I'd be like, somebody's fucking stealing. And then I just find, like, find it. $800 just in like a fucking. Some khakis.

[Alex]

And I'm like, oh, check your pants pockets, bro. Check your pants pockets for your vials. Maybe you send them out and forgot.

[Stavi]

I know on some level I'm probably wrong, but I'm like, where the fuck is it? Yeah, you know, and you just want to blame someone. So it's like. Or I've lost like a jewelry before, and I'm like, somebody, and it's like, of course it's me. I'm fucking forgetting.

[Eldis]

Oh, that's why you're not wearing a chain today.

[Stavi]

I got the chain on.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Untuck it.

[Eldis]

Let the people see. Put it outside.

[Stavi]

I'm modest. I'm modest. I'm a modest guy. So I would say make sure he's stealing from you. But also, what is this relationship? It's your home. Yeah.

[Alex]

It's like a roommate.

[Stavi]

So it's your roommate.

[Alex]

He said he lived with this. With this guy? Yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh, so if it's your roommate, then, yeah, you gotta. Because if it was just a guy you go to the gym with, I would be like, never go back to that gym. It's not worth confronting. So. But if it's someone you live with.

[Alex]

If it's a roommate, you gotta nip this.

[Eldis]

Okay, here's what I'm gonna say. Please go back to the doctor, get some Estrogen.

[Alex]

Vi.

[Stavi]

Like, I've made a huge mistake, doctor.

[Eldis]

Estrogen vials. If he starts to develop titties.

[Stavi]

Oh, I love this.

[Alex]

Dipping into your.

[Stavi]

Actually, this is genius.

[Alex]

This is like chemical warfare almost.

[Eldis]

Yeah. You stealing my stuff.

[Stavi]

I need this to be who I am.

[Alex]

His voice starts getting real high. I love this.

[Stavi]

Got some juicy titties. His hair's coming in nice and thick.

[Eldis]

And he's like. I just don't know why I try at this point. You could be like, catch a yo.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

That's crazy. You are crazy.

[Stavi]

That's genius.

[Eldis]

I think it's crazier to take somebody's hormones.

[Stavi]

Prescription.

[Alex]

Prescription hormone. Prescription hormone.

[Stavi]

It's insane to do.

[Alex]

You know what's funny is, what if he did confront the roommate and was like, have you been taking and taking my stuff? And he's like, fesses up to it. He's like, yeah, but you didn't do the dishes last week.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was only fair. Hey, yeah, I mean, are you behind on your rent? If so, who's paying all the utility? I love Marie's idea. And I would say, hide all your tea and switch it out with fudgeing. Either estrogen or even just, like, Even something that would make it clear, like, what are those people that take methylene blue that turns you into a fucking Smurf or some shit? What? There's like. That's like a prepper. Like, that's like a. Another conspiracy theorist. Things like, you think if you take a specific chemical, it'll cure you of everything, but also turns your skin blue.

[Eldis]

Okay, Elphaba. If you start looking like he's taking your stuff.

[Alex]

Getting shorter.

[Stavi]

I love the entry thing. So, yeah, I say do. I do. I say do trickery. I say do chemical warfare.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Stavi]

But in the small chance you're a fucking pussy and you don't want to do that, I would say, yeah, you just like, how do you confront someone who's actually stealing your shit? You'd be like, hey, man. I was like, looking at. I was like, I keep track of all this, and I'm missing a couple vials. Did you grab some? Because you could even be like, if you wanted the game. Because he says he's got a hookup, he'd be like, if you want some shit, let me know. I know a guy who can sell you steroids. But, like, I. This is specifically for me. This is.

[Eldis]

But he stole it. He knows you know a guy because you got the supply.

[Stavi]

I'm just trying to think about the situation of. As a roommate, how do you. A roommate who's stealing from you in this specific.

[Eldis]

Put your name on it. Because you know how, like, roommates will go in the fridge and eat.

[Alex]

Just put your name on it.

[Stavi]

It.

[Eldis]

Put it in Tupperware in the fridge and put your name on it.

[Stavi]

The question is, how mad do you get? Because you could be this. This could also be a thing where you're like, hey, you fucking stole from me. I don't want to be your roommate anymore. But if you're trying to be, I guess that I think you're well within your rights to be like, okay, did you steal from me? Because if so, we can't fucking be roommates anymore. It's my fucking. They're my hormones, you shit.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know how hard it probably is to transition right now? Masked Ice age is just killing people.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Hormones are hard to get. Yeah. But the terrorist.

[Alex]

Yeah, you slowing your Chinese hormones.

[Eldis]

Get your Chinese hormones from AliExpress.

[Alex]

From.

[Eldis]

He starts growing a tentacle.

[Stavi]

You know, I would be pissed. I would be legitimately pissed. Yeah, you start pretty calm. So do you want. It's. It's. It's about how you want to approach it. Trickery is our number one approach. We've said that. But if you could just be like, hey, man, did you steal my. That's insanely up. You owe me this amount of money. And we're. And, please don't ever do that again. Or you could just. Or if you want to be chiller about it, you could be like. Seems like, like, Tate, you took my. Obviously, you owe me some money. It's like. But if you want, I can put you in touch with this guy, but it's just up to you. I mean, I think if I were you, a roommate stealing from you is kind of a deal breaker. Yeah.

[Alex]

You can't trust him because you can't trust even if it's your boy.

[Stavi]

It's like. And I get. I guess this is really weird because it's like he has some kind of weird env. Like, hormones, envy. And I guess you could see a psychological situation where the guy's like, I'm so embarrassed I did that. I fucked up so bad. Like, whatever. But even still, that's like, a roommate stealing from you is tough. Like, I'm trying to think how close of friends you are. Because, like, if Eldis, like, lost his mind and stole 100 bucks from me, it wouldn't ruin our relationship because we've been friends forever. I would make fun of him for the rest of our lives. But. But like we could get over it. But are you that close with this person where you get over them stealing your fucking medicine?

[Eldis]

But also they stole two vials.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. What's that cost? I have no fucking clue. It's probably expensive.

[Alex]

I'm just curious what the Venmo. The Venmo would look like.

[Stavi]

Two.

[Alex]

Like two syringes.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, two syringes. Arms, the arm, the bicep.

[Alex]

Bodybuilder, emotion.

[Stavi]

Now if he comes back, he's like, here's two grand. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I fucked up. But I don't know, man. That's. Those are your options.

[Alex]

I think those are the options.

[Stavi]

That's nuts though. To steal from your testosterone. Steal from your trans friend because you're jealous they're putting we are in a new America. Like, you're not transphobic. You're just a piece of. You're just a regular piece of.

[Eldis]

Is it transphobia to steal somebody's hormones?

[Stavi]

I o. I don't think it's transphobia. I think he's just feel a little hateful.

[Alex]

I feel a little progressive if you ask me. I don't know.

[Stavi]

I need to.

[Eldis]

You getting big? I'm getting bigger.

[Alex]

We already live together, so that's already a huge leap from where we were as a society.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's the funny thing. He's not in a. In a technical sense, transphobic.

[Alex]

Just cuz you trans don't mean steal from you.

[Stavi]

It's rude to take your drugs.

[Eldis]

Equal opportunity thief.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He is. He is progressive.

[Alex]

Guy's pretty progressive.

[Stavi]

This is the most progressive hormone thief I've ever heard of. Next question. Eldis.

[Guest Caller 1]

Whoa.

[Stavi]

What the hell? Holy. What the going on? Oh, I think we know what it is. It's time. Yes, it's time to keep it twisted. Oh my God. It's the up motherfucking ass, crazy shitty ass. Question of the week brought to you by the little at Twisted T. Oh my God, Elvis. What the heck do we freaking have today? What's the twisted ass motherfucked up Question of the week.

[Guest Caller 2]

Hi, Stavi and Elvis and Gast as.

[Guest Caller 3]

One.

[Guest Caller 2]

Here is my conundrum. Okay? I have a roommate and we're like best friends and we've been living together for like six months now. And he has recently discovered, slash disclosed to me that his grandmother is worth like $13 million and she's old as hell. And when she dies, guys, he is obviously going to get like a ton of that money is he. And he has shared this with me, and I'm, like, pretty well off. Like, I'm financially fine. Like, we're rem.

[Eldis]

I just.

[Alex]

It.

[Guest Caller 2]

I. I have grown to be resentful of him. He keeps talking to me about, like, setting up a grant or, like, a scholarship to, like, get rid of the money and, like, donating it to charity.

[Stavi]

And it's not like, that's not keeping it twisted. Like, you got to buy a water slide. You got to buy a big ass slide that goes right into a vat of buffalo wings, and underneath that is, like, another pit of mermaids that you hire to suck you off. And the mermaids would be former Division 2 college swimmers that you put mermaid tails on. Anyway, that's just a. Something I'm thinking about for keeping it twisted. A grant. What the. Hasn't seen it. But by the way, that's what you say when you're at least a couple years away from the money. Let's see. Let's see how fucking if this guy's really setting up a nonprofit when 2.8 million hits his fucking bank. Bank account. Anyway. Keep going.

[Guest Caller 2]

Like, we're splitting the rent, you know, like, it's. I don't know, but I'm just like, why aren't you buying me a car?

[Stavi]

No, he doesn't have the money yet. Rumors.

[Alex]

Roommate.

[Stavi]

You're his fucking roommate. You're not his wife. The fuck are you talking about? He's your friend. He should buy you a car because his old. Because his grandma married some rich guy. Let's be honest. I don't think. I mean, I guess I'm being misogynist here, but, like, he has family fortune, and you're. You're keeping it too twisted right now.

[Alex]

You know what? This is what happens when people are a little bit well off. Someone that came.

[Stavi]

She deserves it. We came from.

[Alex]

From the gutter. We were like, no, please, please, let me make you food.

[Stavi]

Let me feed you. You know, where's my car?

[Alex]

Yeah, where's my car? Let you.

[Stavi]

My Hulu login.

[Alex]

Where the.

[Stavi]

Do you. Where's my car? You people.

[Alex]

People that are like, you're rich are the worst.

[Stavi]

First of all, here's the crazy part. This guy's saying he wants to give his money away to poor people. And this is like, I look kind of well off, but where's my car? Car? You, lady, you're keeping it too twisted. The keep it twisted. Okay, Sorry.

[Guest Caller 2]

And it's kind of ruining our friendship because.

[Stavi]

Ruining your friendship.

[Eldis]

You're not a friend.

[Guest Caller 2]

Like, such a class divide.

[Alex]

He doesn't have the money.

[Eldis]

He doesn't have it.

[Stavi]

The lady's still alive. Keep going.

[Guest Caller 2]

Making me hate him. And it's like, if we go to a bar together, I'm not going to buy you a drink. Your grandma does not have the money. Like that me a drink. And so it's just, like, hard because.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller 2]

To be like. And it's like, I don't want to buy him anything. And then, I don't know. I feel like he also doesn't contribute to our household.

[Stavi]

That's different.

[Guest Caller 2]

He grew up rich. I don't know what to do about it or how to talk to him about it because he's like, said that I'm one of the only people we've told about.

[Stavi]

Immediately poisoned you against him.

[Alex]

You wish.

[Stavi]

Now, look, I would. I like this guy. Probably not if I met him. Right. Because he's grew up. If his gr. If he's set to inherit. Now, here's another thing I'm questioning. It's his grandmother. How many cousins does he have? And also, like, why would it go to him and not like his pants? Like, isn't there a.

[Alex]

You know, the money was not made.

[Stavi]

In a respectful way. No, no.

[Alex]

Certainly not some, you know, some factory.

[Stavi]

Something bad happened. Something bad happen. Almost no one gets rich in a.

[Alex]

Good way, especially not a grandma.

[Stavi]

Not if it's a great. If you're. Yes, absolutely. Yeah.

[Alex]

It was some private. Private prison that they were family was running.

[Stavi]

Okay. But. Okay, he doesn't have the money.

[Alex]

He does not have the money.

[Stavi]

He hasn't gotten it. You don't even know how much he's gonna get.

[Guest Caller 1]

And she said 4 million.

[Stavi]

Oh, okay. I hear.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Okay, let's.

[Alex]

That's.

[Stavi]

That's a lot of money.

[Alex]

Yeah, it's. It's. It is a lot of money. But, like, if she's so scheming and conniving, she's like, oh, he's not giving me the money. Like, get him to love you.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Alex]

He'll write you into the will or he'll marry you. Like, you're not playing ball, lady.

[Stavi]

You're not keeping it Twist. You're keeping twisted in certain ways and not twisted enough in others.

[Alex]

Yeah, like. Like having all these ruminations without doing the work. Yeah. Can he get a dick suck or something? Like, you clearly want this to be transactional.

[Stavi]

Truly. But why? Look, and we are not. We're both. We are not guys who usually support the rich in any way. But you are Pocket watching in an insane way. This money has nothing to do with you. And the fact that he wants to set up some grants and not give it to you, who's doing fine? Who? You said you were well off also.

[Alex]

Yeah, your own fuck you father probably owns a car dealership or some bullshit.

[Stavi]

Talking about why do you see somebody else's money? Look, he doesn't deserve it, but you don't fucking deserve it either. So who gives a fuck? Now if you want to keep it very twisted, go make his grandma fall in love with you, go put on her, go put on his Grandpa's World War II uniform, put on some prosthetics, make this dementia having lady fucking sign over the weekend will to you, that would be keeping it twisted. That would be twisted. Twisted. Or here's what you do. You go over to her fucking old folks home, you take a delicious real brewed with real iced tea, 5% per volume. Twisted tea. You crack it open with grandma and you say, why don't you fucking give me a couple thousand? A couple hundred thousand. What do you say, you old bitch? And she's gonna be so delighted by the real iced tea smooth taste of twisted tea tea that you might just get a little something out of it. This tea.

[Alex]

The grandma will believe if you start.

[Stavi]

Lying like he does.

[Eldis]

Yeah, he talks about you at the apartment all.

[Stavi]

Get him out of the wheel. As a matter of fact.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Have you not watched Succession?

[Stavi]

Yeah. Come on, come on, come on. That's our advice to you. Keep it twisted. Share an ice cold ice twisted iced tea. Sharon. Ice cold twisted tea with grand grandma. Maybe write yourself into the will. Get yourself into the will. But other than that, stop pocket watching. Stop being a hater. You're not fucking poor. If you were poor, I would maybe understand it a little more. You're not fucking struggling. Is your friend good? Probably not. But you don't come off too good in this situation either. So fucking chill out. Figure it out yourself. And if you want to. And don't stop him from giving it to people who need it through grants. By the way, that's the only good thing that's been said in this whole thing. He's lying. He's not going to do. Do that, but don't. You should be supporting that. That's who deserves it more than you or him in a just world. He doesn't get that money. Poor people get that money. He gets a little bit, but whatever. Keep it twisted, man. Keep it twisted. Oh, oh, we're. We're leaving the twisted zone.

[Guest Caller 3]

Holy.

[Stavi]

Keep it twisted, twisted.

[Guest Caller 2]

Hi Stavi. And awesome guest I'm sure. As well as Eldis. So my boyfriend and I have been together almost a year and a half. Our first date, after we met on Hinge, he actually crashed his car because he was wearing flip flops. Which was hilarious because when he sent me the picture, I thought he was for sure lying. And I sent it to my girlfriends. I was like, oh, there's actually. Well, anyway, following more conversations, we had a three hour and 56 minute phone conversation.

[Stavi]

That's insane.

[Guest Caller 2]

Realized.

[Stavi]

Let's pause that real fast. That's one of the craziest things I've ever heard in my life.

[Alex]

Were you on hold with Delta?

[Guest Caller 1]

Let me explain.

[Stavi]

Yeah, and it just goes on the crazy. Yeah, it imagine a first hinge date. Someone has a they crash their heart cuz they're wearing flip flops. And then you talk to them for four hours.

[Eldis]

No, no, no.

[Stavi]

I would.

[Alex]

Three hours and 50 minutes.

[Stavi]

She didn't say. You're so right. Anyway, I'm putting a pin in. We're already in insane in crazy territory. Yes, let's keep going here.

[Guest Caller 2]

And realized actually he wasn't lying. He was a decent guy. And months later I actually co signed on his new.

[Stavi]

We're 2 Baby 3 hour 56 conversation month. Two months later, not going 5050 signed on his car.

[Eldis]

Actually that's three for three. Cuz he also w flip flop. That's the most egregious thing I've heard thus far. Co he had his toes out co.

[Stavi]

Signed a two month relationship is nuts. Nuts.

[Eldis]

The dick must be good.

[Stavi]

The dick must be out of control. No, this, this, this seems like a himbo with who's stupid and hung and like good at fucking.

[Eldis]

Sound like he's taking extra testosterone.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. All right, let's keep going to help his credit.

[Guest Caller 2]

Anyway, long story short, he's a really good guy. We moved in together, we love each other. He's the nicest, kindest, most thoughtful guy I've ever met.

[Stavi]

Maybe he's a himbo.

[Guest Caller 2]

And the only problem is I really love oral.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah.

[Guest Caller 2]

Along with sex in general.

[Stavi]

Respect.

[Guest Caller 2]

And our intimacy is great. I give him oral, but he always has some excuse for not recip going down on me.

[Stavi]

Once. Once you get you give a guy a Nissan maximum, he's got to eat.

[Alex]

Never, never, never buy a man a car. He will never eat your again.

[Eldis]

He should be eating your in the car.

[Alex]

This is nuts with the flip flops on.

[Stavi]

Yeah, no, he should be like this. He should be eating your ass too. You're so right. Feet up. Isa, you're absolutely correct. That's the exact position he needs to be eating in.

[Eldis]

Listen. And in the passenger seat.

[Stavi]

Oh my God. Dude. Okay, this is nuts. Okay, let's. Let's hear out. But I got it. This. This girl to me feels like she did not have a good male role model in her life. I mean, this feels like the kind of girl who does whatever for the guy.

[Alex]

Girl, he kept saying he's really nice. How nice is this man?

[Eldis]

He wasn't eat. He's not nice enough to eat.

[Stavi]

No eating after you co sign the car is first of all someone letting the girl they're dating for two months co sign their car. He's a piece of. He's a complete piece of.

[Eldis]

That's why she whispering.

[Alex]

Cuz she.

[Stavi]

I've actually. I'm not allowed to talk on the phone.

[Alex]

In a car like this.

[Eldis]

With the seat back.

[Stavi]

With the seat back. So.

[Alex]

Sound like she was fingering herself while she was talking. She like, like, I can't get it nowhere.

[Eldis]

I love oral, but he won't give it to me. He's not nice.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's not nice.

[Eldis]

This guy will let you sit on his face.

[Alex]

Put that on a T shirt.

[Eldis]

That's merch.

[Stavi]

That's mer. Absolutely. Keep going. Eldis.

[Guest Caller 2]

I'm extremely hygienic.

[Stavi]

Oh, wow. Now we're talking about. I don't smoke smell.

[Guest Caller 2]

I even use like boric acid after the time of the month, which like, whoa, I'm clean. I don't have any.

[Stavi]

Okay. This girl's been gaslit to oblivion about.

[Guest Caller 2]

Her thinking where he doesn't want to go down. And before he would say like, oh, you know, this or that. And he also is a smoker, so his nose is stuffed up.

[Stavi]

He's like, breathe.

[Eldis]

She said he can't even smell me. She's shoving boric acid up there. He can't even smell.

[Alex]

He got long Covid.

[Eldis]

Long Covid.

[Stavi]

The Marlboro has decimated his taste buds. Who does he even care?

[Eldis]

Girl, put a vape in your pussy. I bet he'll eat a dan.

[Alex]

This is nuts.

[Stavi]

That's crazy. This is nuts.

[Guest Caller 2]

It's just ridiculous.

[Guest Caller 3]

And.

[Guest Caller 2]

And she's sad. My puss is sad. It's amazing. It feels the best.

[Stavi]

I feel bad for this woman. Go ahead.

[Eldis]

And how do I talk to him.

[Guest Caller 2]

And make him understand that while I love him and it's not like plea.

[Stavi]

For post eating I've ever heard, still.

[Guest Caller 2]

Want to stay together of course. But like I. I need oral. I give it to him.

[Stavi]

She's about to cry.

[Guest Caller 2]

Making excuses why he doesn't give it me to. To me so definitely would appreciate your advice. Thank. Thanks so much for being awesome and love your show. Love everything you do.

[Stavi]

This is really tough.

[Eldis]

Leave him.

[Alex]

Take that car. Get in that car and that you bought and drive away.

[Eldis]

Put your stuff in that Ultima and go put.

[Stavi]

Put it on Craigslist. Get the money. You already lost the value, right? Just recoup some of it because once it's all the lot.

[Eldis]

Put it on Facebook Marketplace.

[Stavi]

Put it on Facebook Marketplace. Sell it to a guy who eats your.

[Alex]

Put the. Put the car. Put the car and your on Marketplace.

[Eldis]

Put the on. Girl.

[Stavi]

Girl.

[Alex]

Cuz ultimately if you're not being pleased sexually, it's not. No matter how happy you are, you're not 100% happy.

[Eldis]

Plus he's a smoker, so he smells bad.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean listen, this is really a bad sign in general here because this person clearly doesn't care about you, your needs. You're clearly so kind. You go above and beyond. You co. Sign on his car and he won't. I mean, I know it's a joke, but I mean that you helped him out so much in his. In his personal life and he won't even like and reciprocate. By the way she's sucking dick. So the way I would. The. The number one thing to do.

[Alex]

She's a giver is you got you.

[Stavi]

You cut off sucking dick immediately.

[Alex]

Right?

[Stavi]

That's step one. That's step two. Zero. Before we even discuss the next steps. There's no more dick sucking until there's. And the fact that you bring up hygiene. I mean what do we call.

[Alex]

She keep that. She keep that detailed. Like the car she bought. She get a oil change. They're.

[Stavi]

They're power washing the floor mats.

[Alex]

New brake fluid every month. Literally like washing the. And he will not go down to her. That's insane.

[Stavi]

It's like this is.

[Alex]

I want to eat her pussy at this point.

[Stavi]

Exactly. You've turned Alex bisexual. You know.

[Alex]

Powerful.

[Stavi]

Yeah. You know how powerful your story of sorrow has to be? Like, these are all bad signs in terms of selfishness in the relationship for sure. I, I have a hunch that you. This is this. You're drawing a line here. But I bet you, you, you give way more than you receive in this relationship in General.

[Eldis]

She gave three hours and 56 minutes of her life. This is what I think you should do. You Know how when alcoholics get their cars back, they put a little breathalyzer to make the car start? You should put that. You should. If he don't eat you out, he can't. Oh, just right at the.

[Stavi]

You're on the dash. Put your. On the. Where the hazard light is.

[Eldis]

Put your puss on the dash. Bab.

[Alex]

Right next to the black ice. Maybe he'll smell it then.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, dude. I mean, the. This is nuts. And you just got to. You don't suck dick at all. And you also are like, hey, what are we doing? Like, this is crazy. You got to.

[Alex]

I'm just like. He keeps refusing to eat her. I'm like, are you dating a Black comedian in 1995? She ding a de comic.

[Eldis]

She dating a Jamaican man.

[Alex]

The.

[Stavi]

The be. The spicy beef patties are incredible, but he just won't eat my.

[Eldis]

And they've been together, what she said a year and a half, girl. That's a long time to have a dry cat.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

This is crazy. And you, of course. And you. Now she's being penalized because she says she likes the whole deal. She. She sounds like she likes sucking dick as well, but you gotta stop sucking dick. And you also gotta give up your.

[Alex]

Passions for a second.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Eldis]

Put your passions on ice.

[Stavi]

And you have to. You have to be more cognizant of how you allow yourself to be treated in relationships in general, because this is just a very obvious symptom. But I bet you, you know, you clean more. You. You maybe pick up dinner more. You're probably planning more shit.

[Alex]

Yeah. There's probably other things that she's doing.

[Stavi]

This is probably par for the course. And on some level, I'm obviously not blaming you, but it's like you probably are so giving in a relationship and so serving that he takes it for granted.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And he just. He's like, oh, well, I don't ever have to do anything I don't want to do, even if it makes her happy.

[Alex]

And it sounds like that's all she's asking for is being pussy. She ain't asking a no.

[Eldis]

In this day and age as a grown man, you not going down on women.

[Stavi]

It's childish behavior.

[Eldis]

Grow up.

[Stavi]

Exactly. Grow up. Grow up. This isn't being a bottom. You know what I mean? This isn't for a young man. You're not a young man anymore. Grow up. Grow up and eat yourself to drive.

[Eldis]

A car that someone else co Signed. You're old enough to some p. Yeah.

[Stavi]

I mean, I. I think.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You got to grow up and. But you got. You have to stand up for yourself a little bit in this relationship in general. General. I think. I think that's the biggest. This guy's a piece of. But you can't let him off the hook for this kind of stuff.

[Eldis]

So I knew it was gonna be some BS when she called in whispering.

[Stavi]

Yeah, she used up all her time. He allows her an hour to speak to her friends and family. And podcast counts for that a week too. So she used up all her time.

[Eldis]

He's literally sleeping next to her. And she's like, hey, stuff.

[Stavi]

He's.

[Eldis]

Sky's great.

[Stavi]

He just busted. He's fucking. Immediately started snoring.

[Eldis]

Yeah. She's making a sandwich. She's like, hey, stop.

[Stavi]

Yeah. So he's like, nice.

[Alex]

But she's sitting on his face. He ain't doing nothing.

[Eldis]

Walking by. Meatballs up.

[Alex]

Yo. That's what I think she should do.

[Eldis]

Put your pussy between two slices of bread.

[Alex]

Try this. When he sleep, just, just, just like kind of just go. Just sit on his face and see what happens if he don't wake up. Like, I'm not. That's right. I'm trying to sneak. Sneak and get your pussy a real quick. Just try to. Like his mouth is open.

[Eldis]

I'mma write that down. I'm going try that technique. I'm going try that technique. See if it works.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Sleep training.

[Alex]

Sleep. Yeah.

[Stavi]

What else we got? El, I'm crying.

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[Stavi]

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[Guest Caller 3]

This we have this hasting guest out this Decision, praying call. I know I sound like a. But that's kind of why I'm calling an issue. Here's. Here's the problem. Basically my voice, reactions or whatever is just absolutely like little backstory for you. I grew up in a hamlet in southern Manitoba, Canada, with just a small bit of parents and like sisters and cousins and stuff and kind of like a little commune, I guess. You. That's it.

[Stavi]

Commune.

[Guest Caller 3]

Just imagine a couple trees and church just surrounded by nowhere and everyone kind of sounded like me, eh. So, yeah, that wasn't that great. But yeah, we didn't have Internet or TV till I was about 15. I was homeschooled, so. Oh, I didn't really know we sounded this crazy. It was kind of like a little culty eco chamber, you know. But now that I moved to a big city when I was trying to. 22. I'm 27 now. I got real self conscious and it's kind of like crippling self consciousness, I guess you'd say. So, you know, people make fun of me and. But like I'm. I'm six four, man. I'm completely shredded.

[Stavi]

You know, this guy's six four and shredded.

[Eldis]

We found who's stealing the tea.

[Stavi]

Okay, Keep going, Elvis.

[Guest Caller 3]

I would do. I shouldn't be crying like a baby in the snow.

[Stavi]

That's okay, man. Six four shredded guys can be sad too.

[Guest Caller 3]

I'm crying like a baby in the snow. Hey. But truthfully, stabby and esteemed guests, now this. It's how the ladies kind of treat me that really gets me. Like on dating apps, I do really good. Like, honestly, man, I made hit rates pretty. Pretty impressive pressure. But once they do that FaceTime to make sure I'm weird or like we go on like an actual date or something, they're just like cackling this. They're just like, what the.

[Alex]

Insane.

[Stavi]

I don't. I don't want to.

[Guest Caller 1]

Bubbles from Trailer Park Boys. He literally sounds like that.

[Stavi]

And so we do have to admit that, right?

[Alex]

And you know that.

[Stavi]

And we. We have to start there from a place of honesty.

[Eldis]

Right?

[Stavi]

But I also think it's important D. Anyway, let's finish. Let's finish.

[Alex]

Yeah, I like him.

[Stavi]

Dude.

[Guest Caller 3]

Look. What the. Hey, like one time, this one Rocket, I was courting. Basically, she. She told me that like, don't talk when we're on the workbench here. And I'm like, what? And she just. Yeah. Anyway, sir, I just. I just. I talk. I got. I got that problem for my mom. We just kind of, you Know, rambling, Rambling on. But yeah, I was dating her for, like, like a month. Month or so.

[Stavi]

And I love this guy.

[Alex]

I do, too.

[Guest Caller 3]

Yeah. Basically just told me just to, you know, don't. Don't talk or anything. And, you know, that's not the kind of girl I want. So. Anyways, I'm looking for a nice girl, not just, like, hookups and stuff. So, yeah, honestly, Stabby, I kind of go, like, reach without legit opening my mouth. That's probably why I sound so crazy right now now, because this is like, the first time I talked to anyone besides my parents and my sisters for, oh, God, maybe like three weeks, I guess. Wow. Yeah. Just hurts my soul. Stabby, if you got any advice for me, that'd be awesome. Appreciate you, man. All right, talk to you later. Bye.

[Alex]

It sounds like he's only dating American women.

[Stavi]

Well, he's Canadian, clearly. Right, Right. And he lives in Toronto. He says, big, big.

[Guest Caller 1]

He's from Manitoba.

[Stavi]

What's the close city?

[Alex]

So what is it?

[Stavi]

Yeah, I don't know. Canada. Logistics.

[Alex]

So he's still in Canada, I would assume.

[Eldis]

Because I'm like, what if he said, hey. He said, wouldn't people from Canada understand.

[Alex]

And, like, hear his speech?

[Eldis]

Started talking. We were all like, oh, that makes sense.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Because we. We're like, he does sound like. He does. Yeah. Like, sounds like Winnipeg from Minnesota.

[Stavi]

Yeah, Winnipeg, Minnesota. All this. But that kind of like. Yes, people would hear that voice, but it would be like someone here dating somebody with, like, a really thick southern accent or a really thick, like, like, you know, just whatever. It's just some regional. He just has an extra strength regional accent.

[Eldis]

Varsity regional accent.

[Stavi]

Yeah. But I honestly do find it endearing. I know he doesn't.

[Alex]

He sounds so sweet, and he sounds.

[Stavi]

Like a nice guy. I think the thing is, Emery, we.

[Alex]

Don'T know him well.

[Eldis]

He says he does okay on dating apps. Yeah, right.

[Stavi]

Because he's.

[Eldis]

He's tall. That means he must be good looking. You got to get a speech pathologist or something. You got to get a speech therapist. Well, you got to get somebody to teach you how to not sound like how you saying. I'm sorry.

[Stavi]

These are the facts. I think he needs to. Well, I think probably it's exacerbated by the fact that he says he doesn't talk.

[Alex]

Right.

[Stavi]

Like, he.

[Eldis]

He said, this is the first time he spoke to somebody who wasn't his family in three weeks.

[Stavi]

That's a big problem. Right? It's like, you can't.

[Alex]

Look, dude, you can't how he sounds though.

[Stavi]

He can't apply, can't help how he sounds.

[Eldis]

He got to get a speech that therapist.

[Stavi]

Well, he probably can, you know, whatever he can, he can work on it, I think on the margins. But I also think he's never gonna. He sounds like how he sounds, right? Like. And I will say if there's anything I've tried to do with this show, it's like, look at my life and look at me on paper. Do you know what I mean? Five, seven, fat as bald. You know, like missing a tooth. Was missing a tooth forever. Currently having to do this because I tried exercising too hard and I pulled my ass cheek muscle. So I have a heating pad on my ass right now. My life rocks. And I. And like, on paper, those are horrific stats, right? Everything I said is a bad stat. You have some pretty good stats. And one really serious outlier situation was like, I'm do.

[Alex]

I'm going do something. I'm gonna give you all this and like, take one thing out.

[Eldis]

God said, is Jacob a Lordy? But not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jacob a lordy dupe.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I mean, Australians sound stupid too. You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

Yeah, but they all sound like that.

[Alex]

You know what you should do? He. I think you should move to New Orleans and then get with them. Because that accent, that accent is I should start dating Punky Johnson.

[Stavi]

I do think there's something to. To be said about like, because where he is, he's close to the root of it. So to them, like to us, like.

[Alex]

Marie excluded, she's like, get a bbl in your throat.

[Stavi]

I do find this like an I. I would love to hang out with someone who talk like this. I would love to have a conversation like this is endearing to me because.

[Alex]

It seems like a charming because it's.

[Stavi]

Also, it's a, it's a novelty right where he is. He just has the thickest hick accent possible. That's how they all view him. So there is a little bit of like, get out of where you're from. Because then you become kind of a novelty. You become like, you're just an a guy who talks a really weird way.

[Eldis]

Okay? So I said, get a speech coach. And you said, move.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

I say just stick to it. You know how many women there are in this world? There's going to be some woman out there there that likes the look. And also, what's going on?

[Eldis]

My girl told him not to talk on the work bench.

[Alex]

That's that girl. That's that Girl, you know what? I don't like her. I don't like her either.

[Stavi]

I don't like her. And he's a sweet guy who doesn't want to just because I bet he's hurting his soul.

[Alex]

That's sad.

[Stavi]

Now I do think, dude, what I would. The, the. The. And this sounds, this sounds like a cliche, obviously, but it is. Again, the point I'm trying to make with my life in this show is like, it is about confidence. Right, Right, right. I think this exact guy who doesn't. Somebody makes fun of him and he like, shrinks now, but he's. If somebody makes fun of him, he's like, hey, fuck you, buddy. How about you suck me off? You know what I mean? Like, and they'd be like, yeah, good for you, big fucking whatever his name. What I'm saying is you right now are letting. You're. You're very self conscious with how you sound. And what I would tell you is, yes, there are some horrible judgmental pieces of. In this world. Right. I'm trying to help.

[Eldis]

You don't even have to pay somebody. Just go on YouTube and do some red leather, yellow leather, like, you know what I mean? I actually think, wow, now brown cow.

[Alex]

I do think it's something to read. Read Dr. Seuss. Yeah.

[Stavi]

But I do think at the very minimum, you need to talk more. You need to hear yourself talk. Don't hide.

[Alex]

You need to have like, don't lower. Don't. Don't dim your light. King.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Alex]

This is true.

[Eldis]

Don't dim your light.

[Stavi]

If you want to look at, like, if you feel like, you know, you said you're like a very insular place. If you want to change how you talk a little bit. Yes. There are speech therapists, whatever, if you're interested in that, you can go fucking do that. But I think more than anything, it's like you need to just talk to people. Right? And like, maybe you're actually self conscious in a dating sense. You shouldn't be self conscious just in. We're just going to give you the advice we give, like guys who have the exact opposite situation of you, which is like when somebody, when a real incel. Like, you know, ugly, fat little guy or whatever calls in, we're like, hey, work on yourself. Make some friends. Be social in general. Because you can't just go from talking to no one and having no social life to then dating. This guy needs the inverse, I think where you need to just be comfortable with yourself as a, a person. Right now. You are embarrassed about who you are. You don't want to talk. There are people you can just talk to. You need to put in hours verbally. Yeah. With friends. You need to be talking a lot. I would even tell you, you're the one person on earth I would say start a podcast.

[Guest Caller 3]

Whoa.

[Stavi]

Or start streaming or do some.

[Alex]

I'm not even joking on the pods.

[Eldis]

Stop.

[Stavi]

I would love for him to call in. I would love to talk to him. But I'm mean that in terms of like, first of all, I do think people like. I do think people would actually like the way you talk. There are people out there.

[Alex]

There are a lot of people.

[Stavi]

Because you're so specific. Again, that's another one of my points is like there are so many more people in the world that want to you than you are. Than you'll ever be able to fuck. That's what I tell incels in general too. Right. It's not. It's not that many. There's more. You'll never see them all.

[Alex]

You'll never meet them all. Right.

[Stavi]

One or two. At least one or there exists but there for you. There are people who like, you know, would. I would love to have a guy in the crew who talks like that. I'm not even kidding. Like, I would love to be in the bars and one of my boys, like Manitoba Mitch, and he talks like he's got like a. I have Canadian friends and I do like their little eccentricities. Whatever.

[Alex]

I love me some Daniel Simonson.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Alex]

That's a great.

[Stavi]

I put that away.

[Alex]

I love. Every time I see him, I'm just like, I can't wait to talking stupid. I agree.

[Stavi]

But it's endearing. And so I would. I would want you. I want to give you a little. Because all year round is people who judge you for how you talk. It doesn't. They don't see it as interesting at all. I'm telling you, there are people who would actually love the way you talk. And you listen. I'm not saying if you want to work on yourself, if you want to change it a little bit, that's fine too. But I'm just saying you need to stop. You need to stop like sort of. You're not allowing yourself to make any progress because you're so self conscious. You assume people are not going to like you or you assume they're not going to take you seriously. And some people might fuck them. There's other people out there. Find your people. And you got to put a lot of hours talking in because I bet you I bet you you will just normalize a little. Because if all you're talking to are the people that talk like you because they're from your insular village, you need to go talk to other people. I mean everyone. This is, this is a common thing. When people move from places, they lose some of their accent. Yeah, right. Like I don't talk how I Talked in Baltimore, 100%. You, like my friends from Boston who moved to LA, they lose some of it. Like if you're in a regional place. And then when I go home, it starts sounding a little more like that, that you are just doubling down on this. So look, I'm not saying you have to move, but you do have to talk. You. You already moved to a different city, so go talk. There's. There's other people out there and you have to make social connections with them. You have to talk a lot. You have to actually use. Use your greatest. What you feel like is your weakness. Flip that to, you know. And I do even think there's a world where it could be your biggest strength. For real. I think the way I legit this is not me, me even pulling your leg. I think the way you talk is endearing. I find it funny and cute.

[Guest Caller 1]

I can imagine meeting this guy and it's like the voice is like so disarming. And yeah, you would be like, what the is going on? But then when they're just talking and you know he's just talking about the same you're looking at on Instagram or he's just like, you know, having a conversation, showing his. With it. I don't know, I just be like, wow, this guy's awesome.

[Stavi]

And he's self, aware, right?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

The problem is your self awareness is, is too. You need, you need to dial it back. It's nice. Cuz I think I do like how you say cuz like when he started talking, he's like, yeah, listen, I know how I sound. That's all you need to say. You say that once and. And then everyone goes with it again. Marie's a piece of. And doesn't agree.

[Eldis]

It's all dudes in here.

[Alex]

You not trying to get anybody in here.

[Eldis]

It's a bunch of. Yeah, I want somebody with a, with an accent in the crew. He's not in the crew. You need to move. No, I feel like I, I agree. I think you need to talk more because this is, this. It's kind of the same thing. Like, you know when you're home alone and you realize it's like 5pm and you haven't talked.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

For the whole day. Because at the beginning of his message I couldn't really understand what he was saying. But at the end.

[Stavi]

You're right. By the end, he even in this.

[Alex]

Message, make sure you scroll for me because I can't see you.

[Eldis]

You should, you should absolutely be talking more. And maybe it's like you, you, you do some front facing videos just for yourself.

[Stavi]

And talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

[Eldis]

Get the words out specifically before a date because the first time you speak should not be at the date.

[Stavi]

That's a good point.

[Eldis]

You should be talking all day.

[Stavi]

That's a great point.

[Alex]

Yeah. If they hang up the FaceTime, it won't work. Okay, whatever.

[Eldis]

You should go and kill Tony. They need somebody.

[Stavi]

Kill Tony will make you a storm.

[Eldis]

End up on snl, baby.

[Alex]

Yeah. And brother, if none of that works, I got a woman for you. Her name is in Diallo.

[Eldis]

Nah, she don't date white dudes.

[Alex]

Just tell her you black. You identify as black.

[Stavi]

Man. Some good ones here. Let's do, let's do one or two more. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

Transracial. Hello.

[Guest Caller 2]

I've been dating a guy for maybe like six months now. And we've been taking things like really slow, which is fine with me. But I finally sent him nudes and he replied, this is so fucking hot. So spelled like S o f a K I n G H a W T. So sick. It made me sick to my stomach. And then I started notice she got the egg that like he doesn't spell the word at all. Uses F u g g. He's not religious or anything. I know that he used to be young life. But now he's an atheist and he's 45 years old. I think that's weird.

[Alex]

A 45 y old athlete.

[Guest Caller 2]

I think that's weird. Am I overreacting? But it definitely gives me the ick.

[Stavi]

Wow.

[Alex]

I mean this like, listen, girl, we're gonna have to do something about this.

[Stavi]

Sex them back.

[Eldis]

Like who this?

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

This is soaking hot Sofa king.

[Alex]

So like a sofa s o f a k I n. That's how people.

[Eldis]

H a w t. But it's crazy.

[Alex]

Because he's an atheist who doesn't curse, apparently.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's. That's crazy.

[Alex]

Who doesn't type curse words.

[Stavi]

So yeah, I mean, look, the cursing he corny. Here's the thing. He's corny.

[Alex]

He's a cornball.

[Stavi]

He's corny as. And I will say this, look, maybe we're being too prudish. Here. But six months and you just sent him nudes. You guys haven't in six.

[Alex]

This sound like this a dude that didn't eat. No, he cheated on that woman.

[Stavi]

Exactly. Like, you can't be you. I mean, I can. I guess you're right. He's. He. He is. Even though he's not religious. He is a. He feels like a religious guy.

[Eldis]

He feels Christian.

[Stavi]

He feels. Yeah, like, it's like a Mormon.

[Guest Caller 1]

He said they've been taking it slow, but maybe they have already. In six months. She just said she sent him nudes.

[Stavi]

She finally sent him nudes.

[Guest Caller 1]

Yeah, I know, but you could with someone before sending them something.

[Stavi]

That's fair. That's fair.

[Alex]

What's the point? It's in the news. If you already seen that to tell you.

[Stavi]

Ah, come on. There's a point to.

[Eldis]

Well, after you have sex with somebody, you can still send them some news. Spicy.

[Stavi]

To get the.

[Alex]

I feel like if that.

[Stavi]

I remember.

[Eldis]

No, he says. He says, so hot.

[Alex]

So hot. So. I mean, that's hot.

[Guest Caller 1]

Ew.

[Alex]

I get so, so king.

[Stavi]

You're not horny when someone uses, like, 2002 Internet? Like AOL. It's millennial. Chungus. Aim ship.

[Alex]

Dude, she says that says away message.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Guest Caller 1]

This is a good lesson for the last caller.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Guest Caller 1]

Like, you can have that stupid voice, but don't be corny.

[Alex]

And you can still get.

[Stavi]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Alex]

She need to go holl at him.

[Stavi]

She might. She might need to.

[Eldis]

Yeah, he's.

[Stavi]

That's what I'm saying. If there's women who are guys who say that's so hot to a picture of tits the other guy can get. I mean, I guess he already is. They're just. He just doesn't. He just doesn't want him to talk. They're not treating him serious. They're using him as a sex object.

[Eldis]

She said don't speak.

[Alex]

Do you think it's possible to be in a relationship with somebody and block their number? Why are you in a relationship?

[Eldis]

Block their number. So they can't text you.

[Alex]

Text you?

[Stavi]

Yeah, I think so. That's really romantic.

[Alex]

Is there a feature on the iPhone for that where I only want to get phone calls from this person?

[Stavi]

That's beautiful.

[Alex]

Don't.

[Eldis]

Don't text me.

[Alex]

Just call me.

[Stavi]

It's the 90s as far as you're concerned.

[Alex]

Tell him you got to stop texting me because I will have to break up with you at some point.

[Eldis]

Well, I mean, he's a man of a particular age. They text weird.

[Stavi]

Anyway, that's true.

[Alex]

They do.

[Eldis]

They not texting how we text.

[Stavi]

That is true. But I mean, look, whatever. You got to be. You could. Can you make fun of him for this?

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Like, yeah, if you can make fun of him and he's got. And he's good natured about it, that's kind of. Then it's like, oh, okay.

[Alex]

How long have they been dating?

[Stavi]

She said six months. Six months.

[Alex]

I mean, that ain't long enough to be worried about whether it's not. You know, if this is gonna be something that's gonna be a long standing problem for you, you're not overreacting. You should get out of it or address it and just say. I mean, but I would imagine someone like him if in my mind how I'm thinking of him. If you were to say, hey, you know, you can just curse, text and text.

[Stavi]

Yeah, stop being a.

[Alex]

And if he's like, I don't want to. I don't wanna curse and text. It was like, well, then just don't curse at all.

[Stavi]

Yeah, don't do that. Just be like, this. This is.

[Eldis]

This is hot.

[Stavi]

Why can't you say, that's so hot? Yeah, that's so much less horny. Or even just a emo. Do a horny emoji.

[Eldis]

Hit it with the thumbs up, bro.

[Stavi]

The thumbs up. Flame, flame, flame, thumbs up.

[Alex]

Like little ha. Flavor.

[Stavi]

Hit her with this. This, like the hand in front. Can you imagine sending someone huge? And they're like a guy and he's.

[Alex]

Like, send the meme back.

[Eldis]

Send the DiCaprio with the glass.

[Stavi]

Gifts back. Now we're talking Millennial. Millennial quirk.

[Alex]

Send. Send A nene leaks meme. I know.

[Eldis]

He responds. I know. That's.

[Stavi]

That's actually pretty funny. I might use that responding gaily to nudes.

[Eldis]

That's sofa. Sofa king.

[Stavi]

Hot Sofa king.

[Alex]

There's a spongebob meme for everything, girl. Find one.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I don't know. Look, I gotta be honest. That is so corny that you are fine to not keep dating someone like this. Yeah. Or just be like, hey, man, don't do that.

[Eldis]

Since it could be worse. He could. You could have co signed a car.

[Stavi]

True.

[Alex]

It's all about perspective.

[Eldis]

You got to change your perspective.

[Stavi]

You're so right.

[Alex]

Listen to this episode, sis, and look at the. Listen to the stories before you and realize what you got going on.

[Eldis]

It might not be that bad.

[Alex]

It might not be that bad.

[Eldis]

And a guy that doesn't curse probably won't hit you.

[Stavi]

That's true. Damn. That is a silver lining. Yeah.

[Alex]

You safe, sis. You in a safe place.

[Stavi]

I'm so freaking mad at you right now.

[Alex]

Friggin.

[Stavi]

Friggin. You really kicked me off. All right.

[Alex]

These have been some good calls.

[Guest Caller 3]

What's up, Tom? What's up, Elvis? What's up, honored guest or dad? I'm calling here just to get your thoughts on whether I should try to get a job in the same town as my ex. So, no, not the same town, same area. So for context, you know, I worked a seasonal job this past summer in a kind of remote area of the country. I fell pretty hard for a coworker of mine. We tried to make it work long distance. You know, she eventually made the call that it wasn't working. But it ended, I think, reasonably amicably with, you know, a lot of feeling on both sides. You know, we're kind of taking a break. We would want to be friends. You know, we've even talked about, like, oh, it'd be cool, you know, reconnect in the future at some point. But I can't go back to that same place because she's been to be a supervisor next year. And also, you know, I wouldn't want to work in the same place as her. But things kind of up in the air. But I'm wondering, they're not crazy to apply for a job, you know, a couple towns over in the same area, you know, maybe just to see what develops, you know, not going into it with the thought of, like, we are going to get back together. But you are. Stop lying too hard. Tell me. Guys, really appreciate it.

[Stavi]

This pisses me off.

[Guest Caller 3]

Thanks.

[Stavi]

Don't.

[Eldis]

Not going into it thinking that we might get back together. I mean, fully thinking about this.

[Stavi]

The, like, here's where he's really in trouble. I mean, you know, there was feelings on both sides. It's like, you don't know that.

[Alex]

You don't know that.

[Stavi]

What you know is that she broke up with you. There is no other fact here. Everything else is editorializing. The actual. Right now, you're being Barry Weiss. That's the kind of news you're doing. You need actual, like, what are the facts? Right?

[Alex]

You gotta explain, Mr. Hut.

[Stavi]

Don't worry about it, sugar.

[Eldis]

You.

[Alex]

You said Barry White.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. She's a singer. He's a singer. Really deep voice you'll never find.

[Eldis]

Don't go to that lady's house. Don't go to her job.

[Alex]

Don't go to her house.

[Eldis]

Don't go to her.

[Alex]

Leave that lady alone.

[Stavi]

Leave that lady Leave that lady alone.

[Alex]

We should put merch. Leave that lady alone. Put that on tote bags.

[Stavi]

All that we know here is that you had a fling.

[Alex]

Little.

[Stavi]

You worked. You worked at a white river rafting summer camp off the highway and you.

[Alex]

And you had parks off the highway and you had a kids. One at a time. One at a time.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah. You did some like that where the.

[Alex]

Water got pee in it.

[Stavi]

Absolutely. The water's disgusting. So. And like. And it.

[Eldis]

You.

[Stavi]

You got some for the summer and now you're being greedy. And now you're not greedy. Pretty emotional, right?

[Alex]

You clearly like this older too.

[Stavi]

Who knows? All we know is that she is not as interested as he is. And now he's like, you're doing so many of the. Like, this is so clearly on your mind. Because if you didn't give a. If you're like, hey, that's a girl. I dated a little bit. Now we're friends. The job was paying good. I'm cool. Like, we're still friends. Who gives a. I'm not gonna be weird about it. I just need that job. That's how someone who actually doesn't give a about her behaves. Not like, well, I've done the math and if I'm exactly two towns over, then that's not too close, but it's close enough that, who knows, something might develop. It's like, no, dude, you're fucked. You clearly care about this girl too much. Whatever decision you make, understand, it's never happening. You're not getting back together with her. And if you do, it's going to be really sad because if you do, she will misread it as like, oh, he just wants to keep hooking up. Not now. We're gonna get together.

[Eldis]

He's about to relocate for this lady.

[Stavi]

I mean, again, it's a summer job. It's crazy.

[Eldis]

But yes, he's in the same area. Not the same area. A couple towns over. He's gonna be in the car for 42 minutes trying to get to this.

[Alex]

Lady driving from the little mini amusement park.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

To the big park.

[Alex]

To the big park.

[Stavi]

She's like, we're having. Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

She's like, we're doing a co worker.

[Stavi]

Happy hour at Chili's. You can come, I guess. And to him that's like, we're back in business.

[Eldis]

He's spraying cologne on his face.

[Stavi]

He comes in and tuxedo.

[Eldis]

He got a blaze a sport coat on.

[Alex]

She got on sweatpants, no makeup.

[Stavi]

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. She'd be fine.

[Alex]

I'm just hanging with the bro.

[Stavi]

She'd be fine splitting the check. She really? You're the bro, dude. You're the bro.

[Alex]

You putting too much on this.

[Stavi]

It's over, my friend. So what? Listen again. Whatever decision you make, go into it knowing it's over. Is there a more convenient job that you could get in the summer that has nothing to do with this girl? If so, do that. This is. Don't. You're so. And again, the only reason I'm so harsh with you is because this is me in my 20s. I did this over and over and over again with girls that I like, sort of dated, that we had flings, and I read too much into it. That's the only reason you're getting such harsh words out of me. Because I know. Because being this pathetic and trying to. To talk yourself into getting from a girl who's done with you. I know this feeling. I know exactly what you were in the grips of right now. So move along, brother. It ain't going to work.

[Eldis]

And sis, they always come back.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Every time.

[Stavi]

I'm so glad Cher ignored you. I'm so glad Cher big dogged you.

[Eldis]

Cher's gonna come back too.

[Alex]

To want to send out at the.

[Eldis]

Same time next year.

[Alex]

She going to be like, you look good. Marie, behind you.

[Stavi]

You got something fun for us to go out on here, little eldest?

[Guest Caller 1]

Yeah. Let's go out with a question that is on the mind of everyone in this room here.

[Stavi]

Okay, Great.

[Guest Caller 3]

Hi, Stavi. I guess I'm not really looking for advice, but I'm a big fan of this show. And my girlfriend likes listening to your stuff when she's hanging out. Sometimes it's actually advice. And she just had a question that I wanted to ask on her behalf. She asked if you get really sweaty when you have sex. And it's kind of like a. Like a sweaty sex situation. Because we. We definitely do sometimes. And she was wondering if you do as well. If you can answer this, I know she'd be thrilled. Thank you. And have a good one.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Shout out to sis in the back. She was. Yeah, I said it.

[Stavi]

Shout out to.

[Eldis]

At first I was like, he. She didn't ask this.

[Alex]

He did.

[Eldis]

Ass made me know it was her.

[Alex]

Just got phone calls.

[Stavi]

Shout out to this fat couple that's wondering if I also get sweaty during sex.

[Alex]

She s said, I really want to know.

[Eldis]

I just want to know if.

[Alex]

If stop. Be sweaty. Sex is happening.

[Stavi]

I guess. I guess depending on the temperature in.

[Eldis]

The room, the answer is yes.

[Stavi]

Listen, if it's not cold.

[Alex]

How do you like the room when you fucking? Is the question.

[Stavi]

That's a great point.

[Alex]

I get it.

[Stavi]

I get in, I. I rent a freezer, I read the Meat Locker and I fucking those. No I think if, certainly if it's fucking like 78 and above.

[Alex]

Woo. That's crazy.

[Stavi]

It's getting, it's getting real sweaty. There's some real nose drips coming off. You know what I mean? There's some real nose drips hitting you, hitting you in the eye. A nose drip getting in your eye. You got to blink really hard.

[Eldis]

A guy sweating my eye once and I said I will never come back.

[Alex]

I said now, now you've changed my physics going to state a matter.

[Eldis]

I said right. My eyeball did not consent to this.

[Alex]

Woo.

[Eldis]

I've never blocked somebody so fast. I threw my phone at the car. I was in the Uber like.

[Alex]

Not the Uber. You, you ain't even get a message from the. You got a message from the driver that was like I understand.

[Eldis]

I said call me.

[Stavi]

So yeah, look, of course, of course I'm a man of size. If I'm really working up a sweat, sure it'll happen. No. You know.

[Alex]

No.

[Stavi]

But in the winter time. Not really. No. If it's nice and cool. But I do I need it cool for that reason. Otherwise it's getting, it's, it's just, I'm just getting sweaty as hell.

[Eldis]

Sex is hot.

[Alex]

Sex is hot.

[Eldis]

A lot of us sweat during sex.

[Alex]

Body heat.

[Stavi]

You should be sweating.

[Alex]

You're not really.

[Stavi]

If you're. If you don't minimum ain't have machine over you. Yeah. You know what I mean. If you don't have a smell in the room. Yeah, well, you know, I don't.

[Alex]

There should be a smell in the room.

[Eldis]

Well, you doing something different than us?

[Stavi]

No, no, no.

[Eldis]

We not there. Don't talk about me and st like that.

[Alex]

Elders know what I'm talking about. Okay. Okay. Yeah, there's a know what I'm talking about. I'm not alone over here.

[Stavi]

Here.

[Alex]

Alex, you nasty.

[Eldis]

The next, the next time someone sends a message, it's gonna be about you.

[Stavi]

All right? That's beautiful. I'm glad we could solve that. Solve everyone's problems. Marie, Alex, thank you so much for coming on. What do you guys want to plug? Anything.

[Eldis]

Thank you for waiting 30 minutes for me to get here.

[Stavi]

Of course. Well worth the wait.

[Eldis]

The sun has Santa.

[Stavi]

Oh, believe me, the next thing I had Scheduled was at 6 o' clock just to be safe.

[Alex]

He knew what was up. He knew what was up. He knew what was up. I got here a cute seven minutes late.

[Stavi]

What you do to Alex215 Alex. I did her podcast and she was late to it. I was also late. Yeah, I of. I was four minutes late.

[Eldis]

No, you was 10 minutes late and I was 15.

[Stavi]

So I thought for once.

[Alex]

You know what it's color people time in there's Marie time.

[Stavi]

I thought for once I was like maybe a little taste of Marie zone medicine.

[Alex]

I'll be forming like that. I will leave you if you don't get it here.

[Stavi]

Do you understand? How crazy. Never left me yet though you how crazy it is where when Sydney is the most on time person in a podcast. That's insane. It's crazy.

[Alex]

Anyway, I feel like there's a running thread of Marie's reputation of being late on these podcasts. Now everybody brings it.

[Eldis]

I am the Lauren Hill of podcast.

[Stavi]

It could only none of the. Yeah, I love how you're. You're late and you have eight clocks around your neck. You couldn't. You couldn't look at one of them.

[Eldis]

I can't see my neck. Just like you Styles. We both can't see our necks.

[Stavi]

All right, well, you've lost your plug privileges.

[Eldis]

They know where to find me. One of your. One of your fans ran up on me at the seller. Hey, I love you on St Word.

[Stavi]

Don't touch me.

[Eldis]

I'm at work security.

[Alex]

Yeah, you're credit babe.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I love it. I love it. Well, thanks guys. Thanks, Alex. Where can they find.

[Alex]

I mean go my Instagram stuff on.

[Stavi]

We'll link all your.

[Eldis]

Click the link.

[Stavi]

Come see us. We're on tour right now. Me and Eldis that the dreamboat tour is going on as you're listening to this episode and we will talk to you guys next week. Bye bye.

[Eldis]

Happy Black History Month.

[Alex]

That's right.

[Guest Caller 3]

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