#170 - The Kid Mero

Summary

Stavvy's World #170 – The Kid Mero

Release Date: March 2, 2026
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: The Kid Mero

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Episode Overview

In this lively and hilarious episode, comedian and radio host The Kid Mero joins Stavros Halkias for a deep-dive into family, culture, career changes, relationships, and growing pains. The two riff on diverse topics—from immigrant upbringing and morning-radio grind, to childhood snacks, awkward doctor visits, sexual hang-ups, and the ever-messy world of relationship advice. Through it all, Stav, Mero, and Eldis (the show’s producer and frequent third mic) maintain trademark irreverence and warmth, offering insights both earnest and absurd.

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I. Culture, Family, and Growing Up (00:29–10:05)

Immigrant Upbringings & Neighborhoods

• The episode opens with jokes about the inefficiency of Stav’s booking team before veering into playful ribbing about Albanian/Greek restaurant “trade secrets.”
• Mero and Stavros commiserate over their immigrant “zoo animal” upbringings and reflect on being separated from their respective home cultures.
  • Mero: “I had a bunch of Albanian homies. They’re more Latino than the Puerto Rican-Italian hybrids in the Bronx.” (05:12)

Albanian Pride & Stereotypes

• The crew breaks down regional and ethnic pride, especially around flags and symbols.
  • “The Albanian flag is incredible. Goes crazy... has that vibe with none of the supremacy.” — Stavros (07:04)
• Merciless roasting of Eldis—his detachment from traditional Albanian identity, his aversion to guns, and childhood spent reading French literature.

The Importance of Neighborhood Characters

• Mero and Stav discuss the rich personalities of New York’s Bronx and the “enclaves” of different communities.
  • “They got a foothold. Yeah, they got enclaves.”— Eldis (09:49)

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II. Showbiz, Work, & Personal Health (10:05–23:42)

Transitioning to a ‘Real Job’

• Mero discusses becoming the new Hot 97 Morning Show host—a full-circle moment after years of ‘stoner in the backseat’ dreaming.
  • “Now doing it, I’m like, oh, this is ill. Except my circadian rhythm is—” (10:35)
  • “It is a real-ass job. I have to fill out health insurance forms.” — Stavros (10:44)
• Both comedians compare showbiz “dream jobs” with the comparatively easy and lucrative world of podcasting.

Surprising Downsides of Adult Success

• Early wakeups (3:45am!), the myth of “having the whole day” after a morning shift, and the mounting physical effects of aging.
• Humorous riffs about the simple baby life—being bathed, carried to bed, “getting your little nuts cleaned” (14:54).
• Quote: “I would need to be chemically castrated to not get horny if somebody bathed me.” — Stavros (15:21)

Doctor Visits & Male Embarrassment

• The duo exchange stories about physicals, awkward doctor moments, language barriers, and childhood insecurities about “girth” (with Spanish wordplay: “troncoso” meaning “girthy”).
  • “My dad took me to the doctor… talking in Spanish. Troncoso means girthy. So I had a hog as well.”— Mero (15:21)

Chronic Health & Weight

• Both bemoan trying to lose weight and the betrayals of the body (“I fucked my back up working out, that feels like it shouldn’t be allowed”—Stav, 23:30).
• Mero details his journey with sleep apnea, family health history, and “getting on the shots” (weight-loss medication).
• Riff on the absurdity of former fat kids acting superior after getting fit.
  • “Fat people talking about former fat people being like, ‘you need more discipline’—that’s like a Cuban for Trump about to get deported.” — Stavros (28:25)

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III. Boarding Schools, Youth, and Food Memories (31:34–41:40)

Boarding School Angst

• Mero recalls being recruited out of the Bronx for prep school, resisting “there’s no bitches,” and pulling the “I might kill myself” card to stay in NYC (33:38).
• Younger brother’s different fate—ends up at prep school and “comes back doing the Terry Crews titty bounce” (34:39).

NYC School Food & Childhood Snacks

• Reminiscing over Bronx cafeteria culture: honey buns, Arizona iced tea, bodega snacks.
  • “Barbecue corn chips, honey barbecue chips… salt breakfast of champions.”— Eldis (35:04)
• Stories of creative, and unsanitary, ingenuity in smoking weed as teens (rolling a joint in a pizza bag, using cans as pipes).

Neighborhood Crackheads

• “Where are all the New York City crackheads, bro? Now it’s all fent. Crackheads used to be jovial.” — Mero (37:19)
• Commentary on the loss of community personalities as the drug epidemic evolves.

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IV. Summers Abroad, Generational Vibes, and The Immigrant Dad (41:40–51:28)

Village Summers & Culture Shock

• Both hosts share tales of being sent “back home” to live with family in Greece/Dominican Republic.
• The bittersweetness of village life—days of swimming in rivers, being a “celebrity” for speaking English, and perspective gained from modest living.

The Old World Mentality

• Even as adults, their fathers stay resourceful, social, and often hilariously inappropriate. Mero describes his now-pampered immigrant dad’s “retirement”—beer runs, pedicures, and frank sex talk with the lesbians in the family.
  • “My dad’s like, my dick don’t even work!”—Mero (48:00)
• Quote: “Just picking the brain of an expert. Picking the brain of a seasoned lesbian.” — Stavros (50:08)
• Stav’s dad and the bathroom renovation—“Does it suck your dick too?” (51:26)

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V. Listener Voicemails & Advice (54:50–100:03)

A. The Side Piece Who Wasn’t (54:50–64:33)

Timestamp Highlights:

• (55:13) Caller: “I just found out I was the side guy for a five-year relationship… totally unaware…”
• Stav & Mero clarify: “You weren’t the side guy. She was cheating on you!” (55:25–55:28)
• Advice: Don’t go back. If you reconcile, you’re giving permission for this dynamic to continue—implicit approval for future cheating (58:21).
• Mero shares personal story of similar breakup: “I was there. The denial stage… don’t walk back that path.” (64:33)

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B. The Surprise Dad (66:32–73:53)

Timestamp Highlights:

• (67:22) Caller: “I got my girlfriend pregnant after 3.5 months, I’m a broke LA waiter/aspiring actor. Do I go to trade school, get a new agent, what?”
• (69:42) Mero: “Listen, I was making $20,000 legally, another maybe $10,000 illegally. Selling bad coke, running around with a firearm. You’ll be fine.”
• Advice: It’s never the right time, but prioritize the baby, get stability, and chip away at your creative pursuits. Keep dreams alive, but the baby's #1.

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C. Is it Gay if I…? (75:04–81:59)

Timestamp Highlights:

• (75:13) Caller (F): “My husband wants his ass eaten, finger in the butt… part of me thinks it’s gay even though I know it’s not. I feel bad.”
• Mero: “Yo, she hits you with ayo! Your wife hits you with ayo!” (75:23)
• Stavros: “This is someone who’s very comfortable with you. There’s straight guys who want to get pegged… Just treat it like any other request.” (77:12, 78:06)
• Mero: “You’re not walking that back. This is your life now!” (81:21)

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D. The Uncle Who Borrowed $140k (82:49–92:49)

Timestamp Highlights:

• (82:54) Caller: “Dad died, uncle was supposed to split life insurance, kept it… eventually paid it back, but I can’t forgive.”
• Mero: “You gotta sneak him, bro, he’s gotta get jumped…” (83:32)
• Stavros: “Letting that anger rule you stops you from having happy memories of your dad. Be real about yourself—how big was this sin, what did it really cost you?” (88:43)
• Both: Try to allow space for forgiveness, but acknowledge anger often links back to grief.

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E. Quick-Fire: Circumcision (96:52–100:03)

Timestamp Highlights:

• (97:27) Caller (F): “Expecting a baby boy; thinking NOT to circumcise. Thoughts?”
• Mero: “A foreskin is an entrance… If you circumcise you just got a weird little worm… let it rock!” (97:42)
• Stavros: “Everyone here… unserked. We highly recommend it.” (98:57)

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VI. Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Cultural Hybridization:
  “Every Greek restaurant is run by Albanians. They come in, steal our trade secrets, and open up.” — Stavros (02:15)
• On Getting Old:
  “I did my whole 20s… now I’m putting up a pullup bar for my kid and fall on my neck.” — Mero (21:10)
• On Family Business:
  “I literally hired three of my best friends and, you know, between all of them they’re one good employee.” — Stavros (03:35)
• On Forgiveness:
  “You don’t want to be doing the work to stay angry… you might get to the point where you don’t even give a shit.”— Stavros (90:33)
• On Sex Positivity:
  “This is a chance for you to let go of sexual hangups. Just treat it like you would any other compromise.” — Stavros (78:06)

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Guest Plugs & Closing (93:05–100:03)

• Mero’s plugs:
  • Hot 97 Mornings with Mero, Patreon, Victory Light, and 7pm in Brooklyn show (“weed clubhouse”)—“the most fun show I work on, period.”
• Mutual admiration: Both gush about each other’s career arcs and crossover fan bases.
  • “Everybody was like, Mero’s the Stavros of Bodega… is that a backhanded compliment?” — Mero (95:56)
• Last call: Don’t mutilate your kids, keep those baby foreskins; hygiene matters more than anything.

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VII. Summary: Episode Vibe & Takeaways

This episode epitomizes Stavvy’s World at its best—raucous, honest, proudly unfiltered. The chemistry between Stavros and Mero leads to incisive (and hilarious) takes on weighty topics: identity, health, breakups, fatherhood, and sexual openness. Throughout, listeners are reminded that life’s messes are universal—and that humor, mutual support, and a willingness to “keep it twisted” go a long way.

Transcript

[Mero]

Calling all daydreamers and date nighters. Come immerse yourself in the rich culture of Texas and dig into our mouth watering barbecue. Trailblazers can explore our natural wonders

[Eldis]

and

[Mero]

beach lovers will wonder why they've never felt so relaxed before. You're invited to discover experiences you can only find in Texas. Visit traveltexas.com and plan your trip today.

[Eldis]

Let's Texas. Hey everybody, it's Babs. I am so excited to tell you about Birch Lane. A brand that shares my passion for classic style and joyful living. Their classic furniture and decor helps you celebrate it all. From big holiday gatherings to everyday moments at home. Each piece is carefully crafted and delivered fast and free so you can celebrate what matters most. Shop my hand picked Birch Lane collection and more classic [e-mail] Opa welcome everybody. To stop his world 904, 800 stuff call in. We'll solve all your problems. Very happy on to have on the couch our boy the kid Miro. How we doing, bro? Thanks for coming, man. Yeah, but I've been trying to come out here for a minute, dude. This is me screening your emails, dude. I was like, yeah, let's get him on. So this, that's the problem with your gatekeeper is your dumb friend. When your booker, your talent booker is truly your dumbest. I mean, one of the dumbest guys I know controls so much of my life and career, it's fucking scary.

[Mero]

I was very smart. I was very smart and also racist. I was like, yo, you know what I need?

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

A very intelligent Asian man.

[Eldis]

Smart sometimes, you know,

[Mero]

freaky man.

[Eldis]

El, did you hear that? You're about to get fucking. You're about to get replaced.

[Mero]

Hey, come on.

[Eldis]

You're about to get replaced by a Vietnamese guy.

[Mero]

But they can't deal with this survivor non Albanian brains, bro, you behind you open up a pizzeria in the Bronx, bro. Exactly. I'm just trying to raise seed money for my Greek slash pizza place that I'm playing.

[Eldis]

That is a classic Albanian move.

[Mero]

Every.

[Eldis]

Every Greek restaurant is run by Albanians. They come in, they steal our trade secrets and then they start, they open up. Yeah, it is. It is very funny. I'm sure. I can't even. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking about who else we're not getting on the podcast because Elvis is not looking at his fucking emails.

[Mero]

It's.

[Eldis]

If I look at his. If I look at. He probably doesn't even log. I get. I get emails from him from his personal account all the time. We have a Business account. I think this one's got the Stavi biz. He's got Eldest at Stavi biz. I have not received an email from Eldestavi Biz for years. At this point, he probably doesn't even know the fucking password.

[Mero]

That's my profile. He's scared to tell you. He's like, yo, listen, we've been homies for a long time.

[Eldis]

He doesn't know how to reset it.

[Mero]

I don't know. They keep sending a code to a phone. I don't. That's not mine.

[Eldis]

Getting the code, I've been too embarrassed to ask is not laughing hard enough. And so I know part of this is true.

[Mero]

That's my professional screening email. That's the first line of defense. Then it moves over to the personal. Bro, how many times. I'm like, yo, what's the password to this? To the business email again? Oh, man. It's in a Google Doc. If we all have it.

[Eldis]

Yeah. If Eldis was the keeper of the passwords, we'd all be.

[Mero]

Oh, man.

[Eldis]

Luckily, we do have a system. A four pronged system. I have. I have. I literally hired three of my best friends, and, you know, between all of them, they're one good employee. That's how it goes.

[Mero]

I had, like, a night that took like five hours one time, and I got my new phone where I was like, texting Ben. I was like, do you know the TikTok password? I was like, hey, look out for this code. I think it's coming to your phone.

[Eldis]

So literally what you're joking about is how this business is run.

[Mero]

Yo, listen, it happens to me all the time. Except my. It's with my. My child, who is 10 years old.

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I bet your kid would be almost as good as elder. They would have. They would definitely understand technology much better.

[Mero]

My son is. He'd be freaking it up here with a bad lisp. You know what I'm saying? Read him below grade level, but yeah, I love you, baby.

[Eldis]

Shout out to him. You'll fix that lisp up any day now, buddy.

[Mero]

Yeah, yeah. He's definitely gonna watch this too, because he watches everything that he's not supposed to watch. Shout out to Avery.

[Eldis]

Shout out to Avery. Yeah, I mean, the problem. And we'll. We'll get to you, but let's keep on Eldis here for a little bit. The problem with El is that I don't. So you're from the Bronx. You know, you're. You deal with the. You who. You know, the Albanians, you know, salt

[Mero]

of the earth full alba.

[Eldis]

Which feels like an Australian racial slur.

[Mero]

I don't know if it is.

[Eldis]

Let's leave it out to be. The L is doing. That's a load bearing. L. If we lose that L, we're both really.

[Mero]

Actually.

[Eldis]

So everyone, let's just spell that out. A L, B, O.

[Mero]

Okay. Cuz the craz. Like that. Like they would like. I. I hung out. There's a big Albanian population.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Mero]

Yes. Shout out to Pulling Parkway.

[Eldis]

L, Y.

[Mero]

You know, dudes named Lazar, like Dage. You know what I'm saying? Like, but they. They in the mix. You know what I mean? Like, they're in the. And blending. I would say blending in, but like part. They more. I said this off mic. They're more Latino than the Puerto Rican Italian hybrids. You know what I'm saying?

[Eldis]

Right, right. They're Puerto Rican with anything. Albanian is over Bronx. Albanian overtakes them 100. And the point I'm trying to make is that Eldis is absolutely not that at all. His family came. They were. They actually came through Greece. They were refugees in Greece. Came straight to Baltimore. His family took up. He. Not only did he not, they took him out of the Albanian community in Baltimore. So he's a. He's like. He's like. If he. He's like. He's basically grew up in essentially a zoo. Oh, he's not a. He's a free range Albanian.

[Mero]

He's not. He's not.

[Eldis]

No, he's not. Not grass fed. Eldis. Eldis is like. El. You know when like a fox gets domesticated and like pisses everywhere and it's excited and it's not wild anymore. Al. The real, real Albanians I should have gone for. They. They. At least they're bringing something to the table. They're bringing that Albanian resourcefulness to the table. Eldis has none of that. Eldis read. Eldis was reading French literature in high school. Getting no pussy whatsoever. Not outside inside reading Madame Bovary next to his grandmother who was kn. That's the kind of Albanian we're dealing with. No firearms.

[Mero]

No. No multiple families.

[Eldis]

His Al. His more Albanian friend tried to show him firearms and he got scared.

[Mero]

In fact. Come on, come on. They didn't get scared. What are we doing? What are we doing? Are you throwing this up? Like, oh, yeah.

[Eldis]

Double eagle is awesome. Albanian symbolism is. They have a great. They have a lot of good stuff.

[Mero]

That flag is. Is.

[Eldis]

The flag is incredible.

[Mero]

It's crazy too. Yeah, it goes crazy.

[Eldis]

It's kind of like. Like, it's kind of, like, takes all the. You know, we. We're in a time where we can't really. Like, in the 90s and 2000s, you could almost do backhanded compliments to, like, Nazi style. Oh, you could be like, listen, the. The uniforms were good. The colors, the other stuff that all bad. Now we can't even do that, unfortunately. They've taken us to even. You know, we can't even talk about dusters. They're bad. Yeah. Yes, absolutely.

[Mero]

Even the.

[Eldis]

Man, they've kind of hurt the Matrix rewatch now because you're like.

[Mero]

I'm like, ah, damn.

[Eldis]

Thank God there's no red acc. Because that would really be tough. Thank God it's all black me up now. I'm like, that's a good point.

[Mero]

Are y' all the perfect. Are y' all the final.

[Eldis]

Is this commentary? Is this commentary? But the Albanian flag kind of has that vibe with none of the supremacy. Yeah. You know, it looks like.

[Mero]

Like something blood related, like.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying?

[Eldis]

It looks like an offshoot of the blood. Yeah.

[Mero]

You know what I mean? Like, the white Muslim.

[Eldis]

White Muslim bloods would have a double eagle, which exists. And I think that's how that is. What? Albanians? Pretty much.

[Mero]

White Muslim bloods, baby. I'm saying in the Bronx all day, there's some. There's some mountain tribalism going on.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Mero]

You can see that in the flag.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Mero]

There's the blood oats that they still,

[Eldis]

you know, uphold the country in parliament. That's how they. That's how they get laws, passes. They have to take blood oaths, probably.

[Mero]

Yeah. Their problem is just dumb smoking. Parliaments.

[Eldis]

Yeah. They don't have C span because it's so cloudy in there from all the smoke. That's how. That's Albanian fucking. The legislative body. Actually, they have. We have to cover them on Kush Brothers. Actually, we do a news program, Kush Brothers, where we smoke weed and go over the news, and there's a lot of good Albanian stuff we have to get into, but that's a little tease for an episode that might have already aired because of the way we do business here.

[Mero]

If you ever need a guest to come smoke weed and watch news with you, holla at me.

[Eldis]

Do not listen, dude, Miro, we will take you up on that. Careful what you say doing right after this podcast. We're trying to book this month's Kush Brothers right now, actually, so careful. Four hour. Oh, sorry, honey. Sorry.

[Mero]

Sorry. I missed our son's basketball game. He was waiting outside in the Snow and shorts. I had to get high with Stavros and watch the fall of Tenerife. Yeah, on fucking YouTube,

[Eldis]

dude. But anyway, so that's enough that we started a strong Albanian up top, which I'm, I am sure you did. Yeah. I mean, in the Bronx, that is, they're, they're, they're out and about.

[Mero]

They got a foothold. Yeah, they got a full. Yeah, they got enclaves.

[Eldis]

They got plenty of enclaves. How's it going, man? You're the. Congratulations on the morning show. That's huge. That was when that announcement gave door. I was like, that's perfect, yo, that's so good. Thank you, man.

[Mero]

Because a lot of people said that and I, I, I agree. You know, saying not because. Not because I'm feeling myself.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Mero]

Because much like the Kush brothers, I was in the back of a car getting high, listening to funk Master Flex.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Mero]

Memorized the phone number. Like mate lied and told people that that was my phone number. When I had to give it a fake phone number. Like, yo, 718, I was just chasing 1 878, yo. 718-239-797, yo, just call me up. Call me.

[Eldis]

That's me.

[Mero]

But, yeah, no but. And now doing it, I'm like, oh, this is ill. Except my circadian rhythm is.

[Eldis]

Yeah. I was gonna say it's kind of the thing of like you having a dream and then getting it and you're like, this is a real job.

[Mero]

This is a. Yeah, I gotta, it's

[Eldis]

a real ass job.

[Mero]

I gotta fill out health insurance forms.

[Eldis]

Because you, because you, no disrespect, you come from the same podcasting trenches and this is barely a job. This is nothing. The fact that this is the most lucrative monetary form of entertainment.

[Mero]

Crazy.

[Eldis]

And it's the easiest, dumbest one. It's the one people like the most.

[Mero]

It bugs me out because I feel

[Eldis]

the same way where I, I've been, I've done cooler, like stuff that I dreamed. You know, being in movies, doing all this. And it's so much more work for way less pay. And so I'm like, is that what it feels like to get to be cuz the. Right now you have an actual job now you have like a. I gotta show up, show up. People are expecting you, like having to talk all morning. I have to talk for two hours. And I'm like, But you know what's crazy?

[Mero]

I'm like, yo, this is, is like low, like low key easier than podcasting because there's, there's Breaks.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

So, like, when, you know.

[Eldis]

Of course, we're just.

[Mero]

We're just vibing on, folks. We're on.

[Eldis]

The energetic levels are out of control.

[Mero]

Like, we're with dynamos out here, you

[Eldis]

know, you're doing very fast forward 45 minutes, and we're like. Yeah. I mean, I don't know.

[Mero]

Usually you're barefoot, bro. So can I see your toes?

[Eldis]

But yeah, it's definitely a different rhythm.

[Mero]

Them for sure. Yeah. But, you know, it's. I'm having fun with it, you know, like this, you know, obviously there's guardrails. I can't be up there like, yo, this smells crazy.

[Eldis]

Right?

[Mero]

Right, you know, or whatever. But, you know, I got the.

[Eldis]

You get pretty close.

[Mero]

Yeah. You know, you get pretty close to that.

[Eldis]

I know you.

[Mero]

I know you know, because you've done TV and like that where it's like you kind of. Kind of turn it up and turn it down a little bit. Like, you can't go full Stavi. I can't go full Merle all the time.

[Eldis]

Totally, totally.

[Mero]

But, you know, you give a taste.

[Eldis]

That's so what. So what time do you have to wake up up? Like, that's like. That's just for morning radio. That's got to be like.

[Mero]

Yeah. And I'm in Jersey now, so it's like 3:45am I wake up.

[Eldis]

Or that's the.

[Mero]

That's like the wake up like, alarm. That's when my alarm goes off to be like, yo, you got 15 minutes to, like, get those last three farts out.

[Eldis]

When I have to do that for a flight, I'm pissed off. Your life is a three. Your life. The alarm starts at three, yo.

[Mero]

But then

[Eldis]

that's gotta be demoralizing. Putting, typing. Three.

[Mero]

I don't even type it. I'm like, yo, I say, man low too. I'm just like, all the way down. So whenever he says, it's like, I set an alarm for 3:45am I'm like, I don't want to hear that.

[Eldis]

They can turn this off, dude.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

But yeah, yeah, yeah, it's awesome. 3:45. God damn. And then. And you're done. What time is your work day over?

[Mero]

Typically, like nine before 10. Because we record the last, like, couple, like 10 minutes or whatever is like pre recorded. And then that just goes so, like, I could get out of there by like 9:45 if I wanted to. Which is crazy because everybody was telling me, like, yo, yo, you're gonna have the whole day ahead of you. And I'm like, man, do you know that I'm a degenerate weed head, bro?

[Eldis]

Like, oh, yeah, Yeah.

[Mero]

I don't want the whole day ahead of me. I don't want. I want to wake up at 11.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying? And then have that day ahead of me. Yeah, like, what the. Yeah, like, nah, dog. I want to take a nap. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to, like a massage parlor and just to use the shower.

[Eldis]

Of course. Please stop trying to jerk me off.

[Mero]

I don't want that here for a shower. I'm just here for a shower.

[Eldis]

Why do you check table shower? I checked regular shower.

[Mero]

Why are you tickling my balls in so much? They're not sore. I'm good.

[Eldis]

I would love a non sexual sponge bath. Oh, you know what I mean? It would be. It would feel nice to get bathed. Like, my. My brother had a kid and I look at the baby's life and I'm so jealous of every aspect. Yo, it's getting bathed. He's laying there in a warm ass bath, bro. People completely bathing him and then carrying him to bed. Famine, who you love.

[Mero]

A giant woman who you love, and then you get to suck on her titty.

[Eldis]

Right.

[Mero]

Half the day.

[Eldis]

And it's. And you. And you're free of disgusting sexual urges. You're free of them. You're a beautiful, innocent baby who's enjoying the platonic ideal of titties.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

And like, they end up getting your little nuts cleaned. You know, it's not sexual. You're holding your feet, you're so flexible. You're sucking on your toes while your little nuts are getting clean.

[Mero]

Yeah. Thank you so much.

[Eldis]

I would love this, dude. A lot of hot. I let years of hot yoga just to be able to get back into that position. And yeah. And then, like, I would need to master my. I would need to be chemically castrated to not get horny if somebody bathed me.

[Mero]

Doug, I was telling this story how I went to a pediatrician at like 12 and just being like a horny 12 year old, like getting a physical.

[Eldis]

12 is really the line, you know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

And then just like, you know, getting the full physical. He's touching my nuts and I'm like. And then it was the one time my dad took me, not my mom. So my dad and they talking in Spanish because it's actually Dominican. And bro was just like, oh, oh. It's very. It's Troncoso. And I was like, troncoso. I was like, what the fuck does troncoso mean? Troncoso in Spanish for that. That, don't know, means girthy. So I had a hog as well.

[Eldis]

Tip your cap to that doctor. Being a pro, you know what I'm saying? I thought Dominican doctors just immediately like, takes your dad and he's like, we have bad news. Your son's gay. But no, he's a pro. He's just diagnosing you with a thick hog for a 12 year old. Your dad goes out crying. He's. We have to move. We have to go to start a new life in a new town.

[Mero]

This is too big. We gotta go somewhere. People are gonna find out.

[Eldis]

Drunk also is awesome. It's a great. That's just great parlance to throw into your.

[Mero]

Come on. You know I'm gonna name a child that hogged out.

[Eldis]

It is not, you know, no disrespect, it's nuts to get hard when your male doctor touches your nuts, bro.

[Mero]

It was just involuntary. It was just like that. Because, you know, at 12 years old, bro, like, you see like something that looks like a titty. Of course, you see a donut with like a cherry on top or something, you're like, oh, that looks like a titty.

[Eldis]

You're primed and ready to go immediate. The doctor always made me nervous. Now, if it was a, you know, again, not to. Not to hit you with you, but if it was like a sexy nurse, I was always worried about getting hard.

[Mero]

Oh, yeah.

[Eldis]

At that. And that never happened. And one time I went to like, the, like, the dick. The urologist. And I had like this old dude, and I was like, all right, this is perfect. I want some old guy looking at my dick. And then there was a young woman trainee.

[Mero]

Oh, and I got standing there looking

[Eldis]

at you, and so I'm like, so I think I'm ready to go. I think great old guy. He's gonna look at my little ass. Dick. I'm fine. No doctors ever use the term trancoso when it comes to. When it comes to my dick.

[Mero]

Let's.

[Eldis]

What's the opposite of trancoso? What's narrow? Well, I don't know if we need pekin and Ito. I don't know, we need both. Both diminutives. I know enough. I know enough Spanish to know I've been double insulted in my own home.

[Mero]

Thank you.

[Eldis]

Nito, give me Pequino.

[Mero]

Fine, but throw the etho on there too, dude. It might have been cold.

[Eldis]

So. Yeah, well, the ACV on blast. It was. It. But, dude, it was like. So I'm like, all right. I go from having no worries at all to seeing this woman and getting, like, nervous and scared. So now my dick goes inside my body basically. Basically, like, there's a little, you know, the head is just peeking out. And she's like. She had to, like, push my fat rolls to get to my dick. And I'm like, oh, I hope this guy is gonna touch my dick. And then he's like, okay. And then I see. I see gloves come out, and I see her put the gloves on, and I'm getting nervous, and I'm like, oh. And he's like, all right. And so I have to show. First I show them my little ass dick. And then she's poking. And not only am I not hard, but my dick might. That might be the smallest my dick has ever been in my life. Like, she's like, shoving my fat back to look at my little ass dick, you know, it was tough, man. Tough stuff, dog.

[Mero]

Listen.

[Eldis]

And she wasn't that hot, but it was still just a young woman. And I'm. And by the way, I'm like, this is not being a kid. I'm at the urologist.

[Mero]

I was like, yeah, I'm in.

[Eldis]

I'm in college because I'm, like, pissing too much. So I'm like, so, like, women have touched my dick at this point, but this is the most. This is, bar none, the most embarrassing of my, you know, situation in my life.

[Mero]

So again, like, to your point, like, I'm not trying to have. I'm not trying to be in that situation. We throw closer over here. I don't care. I don't care that I'm throwing coastal. Like, I don't want you. I don't know if I like, my nuts smell funny or like, if I have. They're not shaved correctly. I don't want no lady looking at my dick that's a doctor. So I'm with the dudes. I throw my back out like. Like Christmas Eve one one year, and I end up in the er. My sister shot the Ingrid. She drove me to the er. A doctor. A young, young Italian doctor with a Wu Tang tattoo.

[Eldis]

Doctors with media tattoos.

[Mero]

Big ass Wu Tang tattoo on his bicep. It's like speaking out to the scrubs. And I'm just like, ah, yeah. I was like, yo. He's like, so where do you feel the pain? Or whatever? I was like, yo, here, here. I was like, yo. I was like, it feels like somebody's squeezing My balls. Like, that's how much it hurts. He was just like, all right. He's like, well, you know, like, drop your pants, whatever. And I was just like. I was like. And I'm just like. He's just like, playing my balls.

[Eldis]

How about this?

[Mero]

How does that feel? How does that feel? How does that feel? How's that feel? And I'm like, yo, this feels crazy. Like. Yeah, like this.

[Eldis]

Of course.

[Mero]

And I'm hearing like the 36 Chambers beat in my head.

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah, that's tough. That'll. That'll soil some of your favorite music, yo.

[Mero]

What? I can't listen to Triumph no more, bro. Okay. My dick ain't nothing to with, bro, please.

[Eldis]

And was there. Did it affect your back pain when he.

[Mero]

Bro, it was like, like. So when he was like, yo, does this hurt? This? And I was ah. He's like, okay, cool. I can stop touching your dick. I was like, all right, please.

[Eldis]

Nice.

[Mero]

We. We're done here. Antonio.

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

It's Karamuchi.

[Eldis]

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Damn. How bad was your bet? How. I. I'm. I'm. Right now I'm sitting on a heat peg because I. My back.

[Mero]

Oh, bro. So yesterday I. My up again. Oh, no. So, like, I'm. I'm like a. I'm like a walking injury, bro. Like, I don't know what it is about my life that after I've had kids, I'm mad injury prone. Like, I did my whole 20s, bro. I was doing graffiti.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Jumping off of fighting.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Getting into Michael Jackson video knife fights. Most dumb ever.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Escaped all of that without injury. Like, real, real, real injury.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Mero]

Now I'm like putting up a pull up bar in my kid's doorway and I'm like, let me test it out. Wow. I fall on my neck and I got like herniated discs and I got hit by a car when I was like 20 and I fucked my back all the way up, so I got herniated discs. All that bullshit. And then yesterday I'm at the station and then Rolling Stone is like, yo, we want to do like a profile. Let's take some pictures. Yeah, let's do an action shot. Yo, can you like, jump onto this couch? Like just like kind of fall onto the couch? So I do that and like, there's like a metal bar in between that hits me, like, right there. Like, wow. Like, those are my heating pads. I was on that yesterday. Like this.

[Eldis]

Like, oh, my God.

[Mero]

Like, it was like, yo. Like, yo, my dementias is coming down.

[Eldis]

Like, I Need it, dude. Yeah.

[Mero]

Nasty work, bro. But, yeah, now watched, fully washed.

[Eldis]

Yeah, No, I. It's tough to, like. I. So I'm trying to lose weight, right? And it's like, it's. I'm 36. About turn 37. And so I'm like, all right. I keep going to the doctor and keep waiting. Basically, every year of my life, I keep being like. Going to the doctor and being like, all right, this is the year that I have diabetes, you know, because I've been fat my whole life, fam. And so I keep weight. I remember. Remember when I was, like, 22 and we had. I was positive diabetes, and we went and got, like, cheesesteaks, pizza, and ice cream. I literally remember being 22 and having last meal because I'm about to be diagnosed with diabetes. Diabetes Mia. Like, shout out to Pasta Mista in Canton. They used to have a great focaccia cheesesteak. You let the. You let it sit for 10 minutes and the juices are in the. But they. They don't make it anymore. I believe I tried to get the focaccia. I believe it's been discontinued.

[Mero]

Yeah, Gold belly gotta prove me wrong.

[Eldis]

Pasta Mista, if, you know, if somebody's listening, let me know the focaccia is still there.

[Mero]

Send me that.

[Eldis]

It's. It was awesome. But. But. So I keep waiting to be like, blood pressure, cholesterol. I've somehow dodged all that. And I thought, oh, I'll just lose weight and I'll be fine. It turns out I've just been fucking up my back and, like, I have fucking. My discs are all fucked. Like, now. This has been a saga for me where it's like. And the fucked up thing is I fucked my back up working out, and it's like, that feels like it shouldn't be allowed. I'm trying to not be fat dog when I try. Yes. Fuck you, God. Why did you do this?

[Mero]

Why would you do this?

[Eldis]

I'm trying to not be fed. And now. And now I can do is I'm. I'm recline. I'm doing podcasts like this, dude. I have to be in an ergonomic chair doing podcasts. You know how pathetic this is?

[Mero]

Yeah, dude, I need a chase to do this podcast in, bro.

[Eldis]

Can we take a break? Elders has to do some lymphatic work on me. Elvis has to rub me down halfway.

[Mero]

Roller. Yeah,

[Eldis]

we just keep going through. That's how much I respect podcasting.

[Mero]

Just get on Manjaro. That's. God, like, from I'm on the shots. Because I went because I was at. I was like. I was. I always been big too. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I was skinny until I met my wife, and then I ballooned.

[Eldis]

You were a skinny youth.

[Mero]

Yeah, like, skinny youth. Jumping at the gym, all that. Like the Al Bundy.

[Eldis]

Yeah, man.

[Mero]

Y' all wasn't dunking like me, man. I was outside. I was coming. I was it back from here. Like, all I had to do is run up the court and go like this.

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying? And now I'm like, bro, I can't jump over a phone book.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

So I went to the doctor and I was just like, bro, I'm. I'm. I got sleep apnea check.

[Eldis]

Me too.

[Mero]

I'm like, this is all up. I was like, I know. My mother in law, Eldis has it

[Eldis]

and pretends he doesn't.

[Mero]

Ah, see?

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

So I was in. I was in Vegas for some, and they. My room up, and they booked me and my manager in the same room. And he was like, man, are we just here for like, two days, bro? Like, let's thug it out. And I was like, all right, cool. And then.

[Eldis]

I would never do that. By the way, Elders, you're never sleeping in the same room.

[Mero]

Plenty of room on a big king

[Eldis]

bed in Indianapolis where the. That Airbnb had. The walls were. But we had an Airbnb. And it was like we. It was like, oh, we each have beds other side. We'll do that sometimes. But this had no. The ceilings were, like, open because I guess it was an illegal Airbnb and you could just hear everything going on in everyone's room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

I had to run to my bedroom because stuff was about to get his dick sucked.

[Eldis]

Alice has definitely been banished to the servants quarters. Well, I've been entertaining a couple waters

[Mero]

for the night, a couple yogurts. There's a CVS half a mile down the road. We need some gator light

[Eldis]

to be replenished. So you guys are sharing a room?

[Mero]

We're sharing a room. And he's just like, yo, Doug. The next morning, like, we, you know, we're having coffee or whatever. He's just like, yo, fam. He's like, you should go to the doctor.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

I was like, for what? He's like, yo, fam. He's like, dog. He said, motherfucker. Like, last night you were like, snoring like a. Like, I woke up because you were snoring so crazy. Like, I thought it was like a machine going off. Like, you were so crazy, then you just stopped breathing. So then he's like, I got up, and when I went to go, like, shake you, you went, like, and started breathing again. So it was like, all right, he's good. Like, he's good. But then it's like, all right. So then I. To the doctor. I told the doctor that. And they were like, yo, fam, did the blood work, whatever. And my A1C levels was, like, high. And he was just like, all right, bro, we got to get this done. He's like, does diabetes run in your family? I was like, yeah, my pops is. Has diabetes type 2. And he was just like, okay. He's like, you got to lose weight, man. He's like, he's like, you. You 280 now. You got to get down to, like, at least 250, 240.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

I was like, all right, cool. Like, how do I do that? He's like. I was like, yeah. I was like, yo. I was like, I'm keeping real with you. I travel a lot.

[Eldis]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

Like, I'm like, you know, I'm eating in airports and be like, well, this

[Eldis]

is the first time I've heard of this weight loss stuff. How do. How does this work? Is it a pill? Is there some stretches I can do? Yeah, every three weeks. That'll do it for me.

[Mero]

This is the same guy. So he put. He's like, yo, like, yeah. No, he's like, exercise, stupid. And then, like, so when I come back, like, like next month, and I'm just like, yo, bro, this ain't it. It's not working. Like, I'm trying to work out, but like you said, like, I'm hurting myself. Like, I'm sore. My back is all up. He's like. He's like, all right, let me ran it again. A1C levels are still high. And he was just like, yo, it. You qualify for this. Get on it. And I was like. Did that for, like, a couple of months. And then my brother used to tell me this, because my brother was always like, a big kid. And then he went away to boarding school, started playing football.

[Eldis]

Oh, wow.

[Mero]

And, like, lifting weights and. And then he was just come back and be like, like, you fat? Cause you want to be fat? And I'm like, bro, there's nothing worse I'm like.

[Eldis]

Than the fat person that finally puts it together. Their whole life forgets where they came from.

[Mero]

Like, you forget all them titty twisters I gave you, when you was 12,

[Eldis]

before you went away, you also want, used to want to be fat. Something happened to you. You got to do your whole life around not being fat. Your parents sent you away to a school to not be fat. You feel me?

[Mero]

It does.

[Eldis]

It is fucking annoying because it's like, like, dude, try and help the rest of the fat community. Don't think you're better than them.

[Mero]

Like, yo, you made it out. Like, that's like, that's like being like, that's like Latinos for Trump.

[Eldis]

Like, exactly correct.

[Mero]

Like, yo, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Mexican, but I'm an ICE agent.

[Eldis]

Like, what the fuck, bro?

[Mero]

Like that, that don't make no sense.

[Eldis]

Fat people talking about former fat people, like, being like, you need more discipline. That's basically a guy that's a Cuban about to get deported. That's, that's, that's a Cuban for Trump about to be deported.

[Mero]

Oh, where I mean, discipline in Venezuela. Yeah, I bet. Fucking asshole.

[Eldis]

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[Mero]

So both of us were good at school in the hood. So, like, when you're the one kid in the school that, like, gets, like, a high score in a reading test and it's like, yo, let's pluck him out of here. Like a better chance program or whatever the ABC they used to call it. And when it was my turn, because I'm the oldest of three, shout out to angry shot to Tito. And when it was my turn, the ABC came and they were like, I bet, like, we're gonna show you all these, like, boarding prep schools or whatever, and they will. None of them were in New York. So I was like, bro, like, I have only been in New York and in the Dominican Republic. That's it. I ain't been nowhere else. So when we went up to Connecticut, we went to South Kent Academy in Connecticut. We're driving up there, and I'm just looking around, looking around, looking around. I'm like, yo, bro. I was like, I don't see no buildings. I don't see no motion.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

I was like, it's just trees and animals.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Mero]

I was like, what the hell? So I'm like, all right, it Maybe let me give it a chance. So we get there and I just see Matt stained glass. And I was like, yo, is this like a Catholic school or Some.

[Eldis]

I was like, what the.

[Mero]

Because I got kicked out of Catholic school. I was like, I'm not doing that again.

[Eldis]

Too heathen. Right? What were you up to? A Catholic school, bro?

[Mero]

Just not shaving.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

They're like, yo, you got to cut those braids off. And I'm like, you. I was like, no, I'm not doing that. Yeah. What happens if I don't do that? You get detention. What happens if I don't go to detention? You get another detention.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

So basically I'm just never going to detention. I'm just letting you know right now. Off rip. And they were like this, like this little mother. This little. Yeah, I got kicked out of there. So then I went to South Kent Academy. I did the tour with the one of like upperclassmen or whatever. And as I'm doing the tour, I'm like, bro, there's no bitches here. There's no hoes in here. No women at all. Like, at all. So I was like, yo, where? Like what do y' all do? He's like, oh, this is another. This is an old girls school miles down the road. I was like, I don't speak in miles.

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

I'm from New York City. How many blocks? Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? I mean like so.

[Eldis]

So you weren't interested?

[Mero]

I was not with it at all. So I pulled. I never had said nothing like this to my parents ever in life. So they took it seriously. We coming back to the Bronx. And I was just like, yo, I think I might kill myself if I

[Eldis]

have to go up there.

[Caller]

Damn.

[Mero]

And I pull that one out immediately.

[Eldis]

You went to kill yourself?

[Mero]

Yeah, I was like, yo, I think I might get depressed and kill myself.

[Eldis]

Cuz. You went to Connecticut? Not even that. When you were like, oh, there's nothing in New York. I'm like, oh, where are they going to send this guy? Connect you just up like up 95. You're in. You're in the Bronx. You're basically in Connecticut.

[Mero]

I gotta take a train, two stops. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Y' all are bugging. This is crazy. And I was just like, you have to get my kill myself. And they were like, coma.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Like. And they. And so I got. I skated out of that.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

And then being state in New York, it stayed in New York. I went to Dan High School. Shot to deal with clan and my career there informed my parents decision to be like, we don't give a. Yeah, kill yourself.

[Eldis]

You Know? Yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

Kill yourself. Yeah. Your brother said he was gonna kill himself. Yeah. Kill yourself. You're going to Massachusetts.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Okay.

[Eldis]

We'll send you further north.

[Mero]

Yeah. So he was like, yo. So he went out there, played defensive end and. And came back and, like, try to flex on me, like, yeah, yo, come on.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Doing the Terry Crews titty bounce. And I'm like, bro, get the out of here.

[Eldis]

That. Bro, you're doing a steady diet of New York public, like, honey bun breakfast.

[Mero]

Honey bun breakfast. Tropical fantasy soda.

[Eldis]

Oh, yeah.

[Mero]

Nasty, nasty work colors that are not on the pantone.

[Eldis]

Corn corn chips. Barbecue corn. Oh, man. I'm thinking of the. The. The little cafeteria at my Honey barbecue chips.

[Mero]

Arizona.

[Eldis]

The Arizona iced tea.

[Mero]

Come on.

[Eldis]

The salt breakfast of champions. Salt and vinegar chips that you put with the honey corn chips. You. You mix those up. When people had their little. Basically essentially jail food. Like, now what we see on Tick Tock, where it's like, people were doing that. Yeah. Oh, man. They sell little pizzas that were all, yeah, dog.

[Mero]

I'm like, cigarettes with batteries.

[Eldis]

That was good stuff. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. Just the smoking the shittiest joints you've ever smoked in your life, bro.

[Mero]

I rolled. I rolled a joint in. In a bag bag that came.

[Eldis]

That.

[Mero]

A pizza slice came in with a nasty. The dirtiest weed in a paper bag.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

And we were just smoking it because we were, like, 13. It was like, yo, it, bro. We got weed and we got something to put it in. So let's smoke it. Because, you know, being in the hood, like, we. We did not have, like, the. Yo. Smoke out of an apple.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Mero]

Like, it was like, I don't know. What's a bomb? You know what I'm saying?

[Eldis]

I. It was a lot of. It was a lot of. But, you know, canned, you know, I did a lot of cans, a lot of huggy. The little huggy thing. That was actually really great because you could poke the holes.

[Mero]

I learned that after. You know what I'm saying?

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

I was like, oh, this is a great look.

[Eldis]

All I'm saying is don't blame your surroundings. Okay. You could have applied yourself a little more. A little more ingenuity.

[Mero]

I was about to be like, yo, I seen the can thing. Yeah. For crack. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And I was just like, I'm not doing that.

[Eldis]

That's fair. That's fair.

[Mero]

I seen a cracker doing it. I was like, you know what? I don't want to. I don't want to go that Far.

[Eldis]

That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. That is hilarious.

[Mero]

Oh, Bo, let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. When you use the Pepsi Cam, you know, you don't get the Red 40. The Coca Cola. Coca Cola has the Red 40 on top. You got a D. I used to know your father. I jerked them off one time. He's going to say, that's a line.

[Caller]

But.

[Mero]

But it's true.

[Eldis]

And it would have cost you just for $1. You didn't. You wouldn't have heard that information.

[Mero]

Well, yeah, that's it. Yeah.

[Eldis]

That is. That's something more crackhead should try. It's like, give me some money, or I'll tell you an inconvenient truth about your family. Because they have some information.

[Mero]

They always do.

[Eldis]

They have some very, very.

[Mero]

Yo, my man Ste was just saying, like, outside, like, yo, what happened to New York City crackheads, bro? Like, where are y' all at?

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

You know what I mean? Like, now it's like Fent has taken over. Over. So people are like, the crackers used to be, like, jovial, you know what I'm saying? Like, I used to be up on the east side of Harlem, bro, Like, just chilling. And they like, yo, yo, you need help?

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Yo, my car's broke down, right? Yo, my tire. My bike tire is flat. Like, yo, Doug, like, I can't hit this ollie, right?

[Eldis]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

Like, he's like, let me show you how to ollie. Yo, I was in Brazil with Bob Burnquist. You know, Bob, you don't know about this. Had an album with Daddy Yankee. Yeah.

[Eldis]

A neighborhood crackhead. You know, that's. We. The. The. That's another thing of losing community. You lose that as well. Because I do feel like every neighborhood had, like, a homeless guy.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Like a very particular guy that nobody really bothered. And then when it. When it started to be like, when it. When the homeless people started feeling like independent contractors instead of salaried employees of the neighborhood, it's like, what the going on here? Who the Are these guys?

[Mero]

Who. Who are you?

[Eldis]

Strangers sucking themselves other off under this. Under the underpass.

[Mero]

California Larry. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Where Larry has gay sex.

[Mero]

California ain't supposed to be from here from 8 to 8. Why are you here? And why are you jerking her off? What the is going on here?

[Eldis]

Yeah, dude, that's. So your parents might. So they. They didn't send you to boarding school, but they sent you to the doctor for the summer all the time.

[Mero]

Every.

[Eldis]

The classic.

[Mero]

Yeah. How's that A Greek thing too.

[Eldis]

Greek people would do that. That. We never did that because my family just didn't. My, my, my dad was very overprotective, which is interesting because he was not personally around.

[Mero]

Right.

[Eldis]

Like he was. He didn't like leave the family, but he never. It's like we spent quality time together. But the second you were like, oh, I'm going to go to like my friend's house or I'm going to go, oh, send me to Greece, he was like, no, I have to be there. And I. Part of me is like, I don't want to. My hypothesis, like, did he get molested? You know what I mean? Like, did something up happen to him where he's like trying to avoid those kids? Can't be. Cuz he wouldn't. He didn' of sleeping over even like our bed. Like, I never slept over. Not until we were like older did I. Was I even allowed to sleep. I've known Al since we were in kindergarten. His house and it's like his family in particular. It's like, come on, man, you've known them forever. Also, I could take them. You know what I mean? These Albanians can't hold me down.

[Mero]

We would have your ass up.

[Eldis]

No way, dude. You and so. But I don't know. Did something weird happen to him? But, but we. I never got that. But it sounded kind of fun to like. Because all my Greek friends that would go. Sounded kind of nice. You know, they would all go over there, they would swim all day.

[Mero]

You on the beach and.

[Eldis]

Yeah. You got a third cousin you don't really know. Yeah. What was the setup? Yeah, yeah. What was the setup for you?

[Mero]

Like, so it was, it was.

[Eldis]

You were your grandparents.

[Mero]

I'm guessing it was like my grandparents, aunts and uncles. Like it was, you know, it takes a village.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Because it was literally a village.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Like they were sending me to Mao Barbada. Mao.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Google image that, bro. There's no. It's the only part of the. That's like not next to water, you know what I'm saying? You feel me? So we swim in the river, like all of that type of. But I had fun, bro. So cuz I'm like, yo, I'm out here by myself, you know what I'm saying? Like as soon as I say two words in English like I'm getting my dick wet, you're a celebrity. I'm saying, oh, dude.

[Eldis]

I remember showing Greek kids in a village a dollar and then being like, it's an American dollar.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

No, none of that unfortunately never got slurped. It was all just dudes being like, cool. And then they would go and like run a train on a girl. And I was like, I was like, I'm good guys. I don't know about all this real villager stuff, man. Where they're like, to them it was like, they're almost like mad a woman had to be involved. They're like, ah, we're not going to give us four of us. Like they be like, oh, they would like smile and wistfully tell the story of like, you know, g out a woman with their like, like, like uncle. Like, it was like, like it was like a family bonding experience.

[Mero]

Me stop. Trish shorty last week, bro. She was fire. It's on the Patreon.

[Eldis]

I know, dude. That really is. That is some true villager. Across cultures, cuz they just. Everyone seems to be okay with run. It's. It's more communal. Everything is communal. I guess. It's like you're used to eating everything.

[Mero]

Like eating rooms.

[Eldis]

Like there's one bathroom in the like 10. It's like tenement style. Getting your dick sucked.

[Mero]

Straight up.

[Eldis]

Each building comes with one slam piece.

[Mero]

One, one. One elite eater per building.

[Eldis]

I'm talking to the super. You know, there might be two, but it's going to raise rent. You guys decide you want one, you want or you want to pay up front, you want more for two?

[Mero]

We got an old one, we got a young one, you know what I'm saying? But that's price is to going up.

[Eldis]

It's sith apprentice rules. There can only be two.

[Mero]

Yeah, but, yeah, it was, it was, it was fun. It was fun, you know what I'm saying? Like, and I got to, I got to honestly, like, it gives you perspective, you know what I'm saying? When you go back to New York and, and it's like, yo, my lights, when I turn my lights on, they just stay on. Yeah. You know what I mean? When I go to the toilet, there's water in it. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not in a latrine. You know what I'm saying? Totally, totally. So like that. But then like, you know, I would, I would come back and want to go back and be like, damn, I missed this, bro. Because it's very like, you know, they shut everything down at noon.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

You know what I mean? It's a very different kind of like lifestyle. Absolutely. And like my parents tried to like keep us in that, like, in that kind of like that cult culturally, in that. In that mindset or whatever. Which is crazy because men and I were talking about that, like, Greeks, Albanians, like, like, don't move like regular white people.

[Eldis]

No. You know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

Like, they move like actual immigrants. You know what I'm saying?

[Eldis]

Absolutely. No, that. What you're describing. I also. That was good for, like, we would go as a family for a long time. We would go. There was like three or four trips we took, and we'd go for like five or six weeks.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

And it was like. Yeah. That kind of lifestyle, like, getting into that rhythm of, like the afternoon naps. The, like, just everything is about hanging out. It's a culture of hanging out. Yes. You know, it's like spending hours just getting cool coffee. That's the plan. Yeah. The plan for the day is I would hang out my cousin and I'd be like, dude, what are you up to today? He's like, my friend. He works at a bakery. I think I'm just going to go drink coffee while he makes bread. I was like, that's what you're doing all day. He's like, yeah, I'm going to come back, sleep till 9pm and then try and some girls.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

And I was like, that's actually awesome.

[Mero]

That's fire, bro. Like, I'm with that. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Like, I remember being young and being like, that's the whole. That's what I'm doing in Greece. It's like, why am I here?

[Mero]

How come I'm not at the fucking.

[Eldis]

You know, I was pissed because they wouldn't. Because, like, we would spend a lot of time in Athens and it's like, look, Athens is cool. But, like, it's like. It reminded me of Baltimore. I'm like, I'm just in another city.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

There's no. Like, if we were at the beach, it'd be. I was like, that's what I was pissed at.

[Mero]

Cyprus.

[Eldis]

Why am I just. Yeah. Why am I fudgeing. Going? Like, I spent so much of my time watching Sex in the City with Greek subtitles. And just like, I'd watch American TV with Greek subtitles. And then, like, the funny thing is my cousin would take us to go to the. They're like knockoff Blockbuster and they rented. They just. They burned all the movies. Indeed. They would sell you. The knockoff Blockbuster would sell you a chip to put in your PlayStation.

[Mero]

Oh, let's go.

[Eldis]

And it would let you play bootlegs. So it would just be like a guy would write FIFA on marker on A CD and like that. And that was fun. But. But pardon me, was. Was like, why the fuck am I here? You know, instead of like just I could be playing PlayStation and watching TV and. But at the crib, you know, at the same time, I was like, you know, you're put. You're getting some quality time with your family.

[Mero]

Yeah, that's what it is.

[Eldis]

You know, the dinners were nice and the hanging out and it's like, yeah, I missed. That's how I'm trying to live my life. I'm trying to get back to a very hangout based.

[Mero]

That's the shit. You could.

[Eldis]

You could argue that podcasting is just hanging out.

[Mero]

Hanging out.

[Eldis]

Monetized.

[Mero]

Monetized hanging out, bro. You know what I mean? Except, you know, all this is not bacon for bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but that's the. Like, my dad, like, I went to go visit my dad and it was the same. Like he woke up, woke me up and he's like dressed, and I'm like, oh, like. And my dad is like, salt of the earth Dominican dude. Like H vac technician.

[Eldis]

He's there now. He's back.

[Mero]

He's. He's like. He's a snowbird, you know what I'm saying? Like, back and forth and you know, but he. My entire childhood was just watching him grow. What was watching him like, work with his hands.

[Eldis]

Yeah. Do all this stuff.

[Mero]

Stuff. Now this. Getting manicures, pedicure. So like we go to the bro and it's crazy.

[Eldis]

How old, dad?

[Mero]

60, 69.

[Eldis]

Very nice.

[Mero]

69, nice.

[Eldis]

70 year old man is awesome.

[Mero]

So. And my mom hates it, cuz, like, so. So my dad's like, here, come and wake my. Meanwhile, my mom is there, like, so my mom, my. Both my parents are there. My dad comes and wakes me up. Doesn't wake my kids, my wife, like everybody. He just comes and wakes me up. He's like, yo, yo, you ready? And I'm like, ready for what? He's like, yo, we're gonna go down to the cormado, which is like a grocery store. He's like, yo, Chuchi's over there. Like, I went to high school with him. Like, he's working over there. All right, cool. So what we about to do? Yeah, he got a couple beers for us over there.

[Eldis]

Wow.

[Mero]

All right. So we're just sitting there, smoking cigars,

[Eldis]

drinking beer, hanging out, kind of awesome.

[Mero]

And then like, yo, he's like, yo, you. You hungry? Yo, who's hungry? Yo, who's hungry? Yo, you hungry? Yo, all that Motherfucker. And then the guy in the moped comes with like food. Ten minutes later I'm like, how did that happen, bro?

[Eldis]

It's awesome.

[Mero]

And then he's like, I now we're going to go papi, we're going to go fixing your toenail. We're going to get a pedicure. Pedicure. Pedicuri. Pedicuri.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

So we go there and you know, we get pedicures. And, and I'm like, everything in Dr. Is mad cheap. Like services are wild cheap. So I'm like over tipping and cuz I'm like, I feel weird. Like.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Which is crazy cuz you, you'll see a Dominican dude in a, a ran down outfit with the freshest lineup you've ever seen in your life. Because the lineup is like 10 lineup is cheap. But, but like, but like we sitting there getting pedicures and, and I'm like, this is wild. Like I love this for you. You know what I'm saying? Like I, I watch you my whole life. This is what you need.

[Eldis]

You were slaving away.

[Mero]

Word. Like running a rat race in New York City, like not knowing, speaking like broken English and made it through you.

[Eldis]

And you're here with my mother. You don't have a second family, which, you know, odds are we were the second family. You know what I'm saying?

[Mero]

Yeah. I met my older brother William at like 25 years old. I was like, yo. I was like, who's this? That look like me? Why do you look like me and my dad and you got the same balding pattern. Holy shit, that's incredible. He was like, this is your brother, weirdo. I was like, all right.

[Eldis]

So I was like, no doubt.

[Mero]

What's up? Like you know, so now every time I see him, I'm like, yo, what's up brother? You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

That's fucking hilarious.

[Mero]

He's like, oh. And his kids are like, yo, hey, you on tv. He's on tv. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm going to leave you these sneakers.

[Eldis]

Chill out.

[Mero]

I keep that. I'm good.

[Eldis]

We out of here.

[Mero]

It's $20American. American. I don't hold you down for the whole.

[Eldis]

Your dad, your dad took a mulligan in the Bronx. He's gonna go, he's gonna go fix H vac. That's funny.

[Mero]

But then we leave back and then my mom is just like mad passive aggressive, just being like, yeah, yeah, pedicures, yeah. He's just over there talking to the hoes. Like, buying beers for all them over there. Where's that money coming from, huh? Like, just like. He's just like. He's like, why you getting jealous? My dick don't even work. Like, my dad's like, my dad like a. Like, he's a. He's a hilarious, like, bro.

[Eldis]

So my mother in law weaponizing your. Your ed is awesome. Yeah.

[Mero]

Like, he makes the mo. He like, he'll say the wildest. Like, my mother in law and her wife were at my crib and he's talking to Claudia, her wife shout out to Claudia. And I'm with my boys in the corner just like chopping it up about whatever. And my man Jimmy's just like, yo, your dad is. And Claudia are like mad deep in conversation. Like, what are they talking about? Like, whatever, whatever. And like, he's just like, yo, this is wild. Because he don't even. His English is like, so, like, basic. Like, what could they. They've been talking for like 27 minutes, yo. So they. They break. Whatever. Boo, boo, boo. Whatever. My pops comes over and. And. And Jimmy's like, yo. He's like, yo, Tito. Like, what were you talking about that whole time? And he's like, eating pussy. I was like, yo, what the.

[Eldis]

Just picking the brain of an expert. Picking the brain of the. A seasoned lesbian.

[Mero]

Seasoned veteran. I was like, yo, this is. I was like, yo. But he just dropped that. I was like, see, when asked me where you get it from, respect that right there. Eating what you think.

[Eldis]

Yeah. Yeah. That's incredible. Look, I got a lesbian here. I got. I'm. And to him, that's him being enlightened. That's him. Like, I'm not kicking her out of my house.

[Mero]

What are you talking about?

[Eldis]

Asking her about eating.

[Mero]

Like, come on, that's so awesome.

[Eldis]

I know. There are times, I mean, you know, me. Me and my dad have gone back and forth with our relationship, and I'm. I'm trying to like, stay on good terms. Like, you know, now.

[Mero]

It's rough, man.

[Eldis]

It's.

[Mero]

Men are. You know, especially that generation.

[Eldis]

Immigrant dads can be tough, man. And there. But there are moments where it's like, we connect. And I'm like, that is exact where I get that from. I showed him my. I like, redid my. I have a place in Baltimore and I redid the bathroom. And I got like a hilarious, you know, Japanese toilet that, like, you know, it opens when you walk in the. It's like, yeah, yeah. And my dad's like. I was like, what the. He was like. He was like. He was like, oh, what is that? Like, oh, let me guess. That cleaned your ass. I was like, yeah, it actually. He's like, what? He's like, does it suck your dick too? Immediately, right off the bat, I'm like, that's where it is. Is.

[Mero]

Thanks, dad.

[Eldis]

That's where it is in the DNA.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

He's like, oh, there it suck your dick too. Like, fair question. Immediately.

[Mero]

You know, if we were in Japan,

[Eldis]

maybe, maybe I don't have that. I don't have that aftermarket fix.

[Mero]

Tariffs.

[Eldis]

I have the tariffs, the dick sucking attachment to the toto, which is crazy

[Mero]

because in, in Dominican Spanish, toto means. So like, imagine being a kid and like going to school and every urinal says toto. I'm like,

[Eldis]

you're pressing. You think it's the button. You think you press toto and a comes out.

[Mero]

Why is that happening? This was broken.

[Eldis]

You're putting your dick in the urinal cake.

[Mero]

Why is my dick burning? But it smells minty fresh.

[Eldis]

This is beautiful. We got. We have to apply some of this immigrant, immigrant logic. Let's go to, to our callers. What do we got, my friend? And by the way, way when that comes on as you're fucking up the audio, God forbid you say anything as the producer.

[Mero]

No, it's good. We'll get it in post.

[Eldis]

Don't worry about it. And folks don't complain to me. I. I was like, I'm gonna let it go once. If it comes on again, I'm sure Eldis will address it. He did not. I want it on record. If the. The sound is bad, blame Eldis. I've been hearing it.

[Mero]

But we got some engineering magic.

[Eldis]

With you behind. I can't wait to fucking hear what bullshit. What weird AI that steals all our data. Eldest eldest downloads to try and get this smoothed over. Yeah, he just gets it. He just hires Indian guys on Fiverr to just dub over what we're talking about. Picture this, you're doing some online shopping when all of a sudden you see it. That one product that you've been looking for. You add the cart, and as you're filling in your address, you realize you don't have your cart anywhere near you. That's when you see it. That purple pay button that has all of your information saved, making checking out as simple as a simple tap of your screen. Shopify's Shop pay button is used by millions of businesses around the world. And it's why Shopify has The best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less carts going abandoned and more sales for you. We certainly see that here at Stavi Baby Enterprises. We use Shopify for our online store. They're helping us move merch. They're helping us move T shirts, calendars, you name it. Shopify has been incredible for us. See less carts go abandoned and more sales with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi that's shopify.com a/stavi. Hey everybody, it's Babs. I am so excited to tell you about Birch Lane. A brand that shares my passion for classic style and joyful living. Their classic furniture and decor helps you celebrate it all. From big holiday gatherings to everyday moments at home. Each piece is carefully crafted and delivered fast and free. So you can celebrate what matters to most. Shop my hand picked Birch Lane collection and more classic styles of Birch Lane dot com. All right, what do we got? I'll just play us some call here.

[Caller]

Hey, it's Dobby. Eldest guest. Third time trying to do this because I'm trying to reduce down the story. I'm sorry to Elvis. If you listen to other messages. I've been with the same woman for the last two and a half years or so. And I just recently found out that I was kind of a side guy to a guy that she was with for five years. Years. And I was completely unaware of that.

[Eldis]

Completely.

[Caller]

Every night with me for the most part. And then she would sneak away and spend one day a weekend for the most part with him for a handful of hours and then come back.

[Eldis]

How are you the side guy?

[Mero]

Come on. She's living at your crib and you're the side guy.

[Eldis]

What are you talking about? You're the leaseholder cheating on you. You weren't the side guy. She was cheating on you once a week. What the fuck are you talking about? Crazy work. That's incredible. Like mental gymnastics on her end. She jujitsu this guy because in some

[Mero]

ways, yo, I've been with him for five years though. That's what that means. That makes it cheating. That makes it though. I'm having an affair with you. I love you.

[Eldis]

Because there's a. There's something romantic about being the guy that you're cheating with. Right? That means I'm not betraying you. I just have. I've met you after. It's more complicated. It's so romantic. This assets involved yeah, but. But being the guy getting cheated on, on, there is no romance there. There is just like you're. You're being. So this is this woman. I salute her for gaslighting him in this specific way. But let's finish up. Maybe there's more.

[Caller]

And so that's just the way that she lived her double life. And about everything. I kind of had. I suspected some stuff throughout the relationship. Broke up with a few. With her a few handful of times because things just didn't really make any sense. And she would talk me down, you know, say all the things. Things. Gaslight me into thinking that I was crazy, you know, all the things, whatever. And I did that because I care about her, love with her. Like, love her tremendously. I've been other relationships. Not my first one.

[Mero]

Bro, you mad soft for that. You soft, bro. Like, yo, chill. Yo, listen. Yo, come on, dog. You were living being a side piece as a guy. That's like every dude's dream. Like, I don't gotta do.

[Eldis]

He wasn't though. He was getting cheated on. That's the thing, man. Yeah, he was. Let's. Let's. What do you have more elders? Okay.

[Caller]

A woman for nine years prior to this one. So it's not that I'm wrapped up in that. We just had ways. We had so much comments, way, way too much in common. Just little tiny things. And facing a future without that person is just obviously pretty scary. So I'm battling myself about whether I want to try to make this relationship. What, you know, work on some level. We broke up, obviously, and I did get pretty much converted over to the A side of that, I guess. So she was spending more time with me and caring about me more and whatever, but still trying to fight with myself about whether possible. But I just like, I care about her a lot. Thank you, guys.

[Eldis]

Dude.

[Mero]

Ah, come on, bro. Now you made me feel bad.

[Eldis]

Now I feel bad because you're in the middle of it and I get it. And it is. Don't get me wrong, we were right. But we've all been here. Yeah, we've all been here.

[Mero]

Emotions, nobody can control. Your emotions. Your heart has a mind of his own.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

To clarify real quick, he did say they are like broken up as of this call, but he's still weighing. Weighing what to do now. I don't do it. Don't go back there.

[Eldis]

No, because not. No. You coming back is an implicit approval.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Oh, you can do whatever you want here, right? Like go crazy now. Now look, people will tell. Like, certainly people have survived infidelity. Like relationships. It's just complicated. Somebody almost. It's in our Google calendar repeating once a week, getting. It wasn't like. Like, I met. I. Me and my ex bumped into each other. We were fighting. We were on a. I meant it's not. And look, some people will say, I don't care even about that, you know, and it's. It's truly person by person. Right? Some people will let. Some people want to watch their wife get. Some people don't even want their significant other to, like, you know, emotionally. They don't want them flirting with people, which, listen, everybody's got to figure out what works for them. Them. This, to me, though, is not. This is not an easy one.

[Mero]

Nah, man.

[Eldis]

This is not the kind of you can forgive. It's also, like, I don't know that I could trust this.

[Mero]

That part that is. That is totally out the window, bro.

[Eldis]

I mean, I guess. I guess, to be fair, like, this wasn't even. Like, if you're dating someone for like, six months, right? And you never have that discussion of the, like, what are we? And are we exclusive? And she spends most of her time with you, but, like, like, occasionally other people, but you never have the discussion. That's different than two years she's at your house five nights a week, and once a week, she the same guy. If she was a different guy every week, I'd be like, something. But what are we talking about?

[Mero]

How you got joint custody of the bro. That's crazy.

[Eldis]

Yeah. Hey, you're the mom. The other guy's the dad. He gets it on weekends. So I guess that's a positive. Being the mother of the custody battle.

[Mero]

You're the primary caregiver of the bro.

[Eldis]

You're attending the PTA meetings. But yeah, dude, Laby is doing great.

[Mero]

Pleasure. Great to have in class.

[Eldis]

Yeah. PH level's good. A pleasure to have in class. Very generous. Everybody loves her. The whole class loves her.

[Mero]

So she's so warm.

[Eldis]

Very, very open. So. But. But after mocking you, we see where you are now.

[Mero]

Yeah, fam.

[Eldis]

You're in denial. This is the denial phase of a bad break. 100 and you're even. You're even saying you're the side guy. You were not. Not. You were getting cheated on two years now. Look, there might have been a moment where you guys were early in the relationship where she was dating both of you. There was a switchover occurred where you're the number. And maybe this really what this is. This is a legacy side piece. The other Guy. She was probably cheating on whoever she was dating with before with this guy, and she carried that over. That happens a lot. People carry over side bitches a lot. A quite a long time. Right. Because you know, you. That's. And you need. You actually kind of from a logistics perspective, you need. You need a very specific type of trust.

[Mero]

Oh, the person.

[Eldis]

If you're going to cheat routinely, fam.

[Mero]

And that's the thing.

[Eldis]

If someone you know is going to hold it down. Yeah, they stick around a couple relationships, dog.

[Mero]

And if you got like, listen. And this is like gender neutral, bro. Because this is like. Goes both ways. If you got a premier, like D1 Eater, bro. Or like somebody that's like. Like, like got like, does not want more.

[Eldis]

Literally doesn't want more.

[Mero]

That's all he want.

[Eldis]

Literally happy.

[Mero]

Let's just have sex, bro.

[Eldis]

They're going to stick around. They.

[Mero]

That number is still in your phone.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying?

[Eldis]

And if they. That in fact, to me, that's the sign of if it's serious. If someone. If someone goes away from that person, they're like, if they break up with their number one slam piece for you. That's real love. Yeah, that's real love. This woman was not there with you.

[Mero]

Yo, I'm never talking to Nancy again. I love you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

It's the. It's the. The intro to International Players anthem. You know what I mean? It's like. It's Andre 2000's verse where he's like, I had to let them all know. No more dick for me.

[Mero]

That's it.

[Eldis]

I've told every cutie around town. So anyway, you're in. You're in denial.

[Mero]

Yeah, fam.

[Eldis]

You can't go back to this woman.

[Mero]

Don't do it.

[Eldis]

I did it. It's so over. Oh, really?

[Mero]

I was there. I was in that situation and it was. It was a. My ex who started as a Go Go dancer, which is like the, you know, Go Go dance in the stripping pipeline. Like, that's just like G League. Sure, he was in the G league. Then you went to the big. You got titties and you went to the. To the league.

[Eldis]

Right, right, right. So she was like getting a jump shot. Yeah. Once you get your jump shot figured

[Mero]

out, you get to the. She got the back to the basket

[Eldis]

game down and fake titties or post moves.

[Mero]

She's like, I got a drop step now.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

At least I know about this. Take the fade away. It's crazy. I'm Going baseline crazy every time.

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

But yeah, no, it was a situation like that, you know, but younger. Like I'm in my teens, whatever. Like, yeah, 18, 19. But like being with short. Was with shorty for a couple years out of high school into like college or whatever and just like not like seeing like. Yo, hold on. Like you're a dancer.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

I'm saying like everybody's. First of all, you're young. Yeah.

[Eldis]

You know, it's one thing if someone's like, truly, it's their job and they figured their out, but young, being exposed to.

[Mero]

You're just trying to have fun.

[Eldis]

You're having a good time.

[Mero]

You're just having a good time. Bro, you getting skied up. You know what I mean? You take a Molly weirder if she wasn't cheating, right?

[Eldis]

If a tw. If you're dating a 20 year old sex worker and they're not and they're a part and it's like party type and they're not cheating. That's weird.

[Mero]

That's weird.

[Eldis]

They have, they have a weirder mental illness.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying? It's real. Like I want to be, I want to be monogamous, but I just want to sniff coke with this rapper and leave. Leave. When he pulls his thing out, it's

[Eldis]

kind of strange not to at least suck him off for a second.

[Mero]

You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

You could be like, ah, not really my thing. But you're gonna try.

[Mero]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so that happened and I was just like, the denial stage is like, yo, nah. Like, no, we could, yo, we could work through this. And it's like, bro, don't go back there. The head is not that good.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

I'm saying it's. Listen to me.

[Eldis]

Yeah, don't. He's been through it.

[Mero]

Don't walk, don't walk back that path. You know what I'm saying? There's nothing good is gonna come of it. You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

Like, you gotta move forward, my brother. Yeah. So, dude, it sucks.

[Mero]

Like, stop saying bro. Like, you know, you're in the denial stage right now. You know, work.

[Eldis]

We've all been there. Yeah, that's classic breakup stuff. Even when you don't get cheated on, part of you is like, no, baby.

[Mero]

You know?

[Eldis]

And here's what I tell everyone is like, okay, if that's the fairy tale you want to tell yourself, it's possible. But it's only going to happen if you completely let go.

[Mero]

Oh yeah.

[Eldis]

And you come back to them as a completely different person years later. So if you really believe, if you want to believe in, you know, romantic, it's truly the. Let it go. And if it comes back to you. Yeah, but it's not. Let it go. Secretly check her Instagram stories. Yeah. No, no, no, no. Four times a week.

[Mero]

It's like, get every. Get everything out of here, shorty.

[Eldis]

No contact. Move on with your life, brother.

[Mero]

Stop someone else 100. Like get into some other get. You know, go to LA Fitness runs.

[Eldis]

Yeah. Like, it's over, dude. It's over.

[Mero]

Yeah, fam. Come on.

[Eldis]

Poor guy, though. I feel for him for bath.

[Mero]

You be like, I'll send you you. I ain't gonna say you should.

[Eldis]

We won't either. To be clear.

[Mero]

Whoa. What's going on?

[Eldis]

What's going on? Holy. Oh. Where are we, dude? It's time to. What's the time for? Keep it twisted. It's the twisted ass up ass question of the week, brought to you by the at Twisted T. There

[Mero]

we.

[Eldis]

We keep trying to get them to cancel this by being vulgar. And it never works, by the way. And that's why we with Twisted Te. That's why you're our most cherished advertising partner.

[Mero]

They know. They know what they buying into.

[Eldis]

Thank you. What's the twisted ass up ass question of the week? Eldis.

[Caller]

Hey, st. Hey, Eldis. Hi. If there's a guest.

[Eldis]

Hi.

[Caller]

Guest. Guess. Hey, I need advice really bad. I going to try to put this as briefly as possible. I got my girlfriend pregnant. It's looking extremely probable. I mean, tests are coming up positive. There's no point in denying that this is really happening. We've thought about this a lot.

[Eldis]

Hold on. Just real quick. Eldis. The last call. Maybe that's the twisted call. I think there's not an innocent human life in the mix. It's just a guy who got. That was the textbook most twisted call I've ever heard is a guy getting cucked for five years straight. That's twisted. This guy. Let's keep going. I guess the benefit of the doubt. You hear the urgency in this guy's voice.

[Mero]

I thought he had the pee. He's like trying to open a door to go to the bathroom.

[Eldis]

Oh, brother. All right, go ahead, Eldis.

[Caller]

We've thought about this a lot and we are deciding to go through with keeping the baby now.

[Mero]

We.

[Caller]

Maybe you can tell from the tone of my voice I'm not somebody who saw this ever happening to me at this stage of life. I certainly didn't plan for it. We've been Seeing each other only since, like, October, I think. October, beginning of October. And this guy's cooked January now. So this is like a three and a half month relationship at this stage.

[Mero]

Three and a half months. Maybe older than that. What do I do?

[Caller]

I'm like a waiter. I'm like a underemployed, like, food service server person. This is rather aspiring actor. I'm in an acting studio in la. I do stand up and haven't really made.

[Mero]

Bro, you saying all the wrong things, brother. You said all the wrong things. Come on. Yo, hold the fun. Hold the phone.

[Caller]

Really made very much money from either of those things. Haven't made very much money from my day job either. But, you know, you know, I think my goals get a roof over my head. The idea of expanding my reach, you know, to having to provide for other people and the little person is, like, kind of mind bending to me conceptually. And I know I'm gonna figure it out and I'm gonna do what I have to do and I'm gonna get my shit together. But I don't really know where to start as far as, like, starting to put the pieces together and looking for resources. Do you have any ideas? Do you have any advice? Like, is it time to, like, go to trade school? Is it time to, like, yeah, you know, just go to every bar in LA and try to, like, find a better agent or what?

[Mero]

Buddy, My brother, my brother, my brother. All right. Let me tell you about agents and agencies.

[Eldis]

You think that's the problem? Nah, dude, listen, that's keeping it too twisted.

[Mero]

Yeah, that was twisted as.

[Eldis]

That's a very twisted, twisted thought process.

[Mero]

But you said is that it's in the right place. I got four kids. I had my first one at 25. You know what I'm saying? 25, 26. You know, and I wasn't ready for that either.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

You know, you're never ready.

[Eldis]

Yeah. What were you up to? 25, 26. What were you doing at the time? Yeah, give this guy some hope here.

[Mero]

Oh, man. Listen, brother, listen. I was making $20,000 a year, legal, legally.

[Eldis]

Yep.

[Mero]

And another maybe 10,000 illegally. Selling bad coke, running around with a firearm, with a dude named Creme Fleetwood, you know what I'm saying? Just driving around off a Nextel Chirp.

[Eldis]

Oh, the church.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying? Like, just doing all. A lot of that.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

So you'll be fine. Yeah, you got.

[Eldis]

You gotta.

[Mero]

You. You're going through with the right attitude.

[Eldis]

That actually is. You're legitimately a great person to have on this call because you had. You had aspirations to do. Do creative. You know what I mean? You. And you did that as you had kids, but you weren't like, you didn't double down immediately. You weren't like, oh, I have to get a good agent. I have. No, you were like, oh, let's sell them more dope.

[Mero]

Yeah. And I'm gonna keep writing these blog

[Eldis]

posts, you know, You. You kept it twisted. Mero kept it twisted even as his first child was in utero. The one with the lisp.

[Mero]

That's the second one.

[Eldis]

Oh, that's the second one.

[Mero]

I went to suda hospital and I was just like, yo, hold on.

[Eldis]

You grabbed him out. You grabbed him by the lip. So that's actually good. It's actually good you're here, because if you weren't, I would be much more negative to this guy. But look, here's the thing. You kept it a little too twisted in enjoying some condomless sex that you were keeping it too twisted. And there's a type of. There's a level of twisted that you want to keep it. You kept it a little too twisted, okay?

[Mero]

I tell people all the time, man, if you pull out. The pull out method is very dangerous. You gotta be at least. If you're not jerking off for at least 30, 35 seconds before you know, right?

[Eldis]

You need that buffer. You need the buffer.

[Mero]

One million. Once you start feeling like, oh, you gotta get out of here. You gotta get out the garage, bro.

[Eldis]

Dude, the sec. The first haul, you're already cooked. You're already cooked. That little tickle, the tickle's over.

[Mero]

That's it, bro. Pull the out.

[Eldis]

Second, you're not Indiana Jones, dude. You're getting trapped in temple for real. You're not sliding. The door is crushing your legs. You're not Harrison Ford, bro. You're like,

[Mero]

I'm twins. Fraternals. I can't even do cool Instagram with them. I can't make up. It's a tik tok hormone on tik tok.

[Eldis]

So, like, your head's in the right place where it's like, yeah, get a. Get a more substantial job. I don't know if it's trade school. I mean, whatever you're good at. Do someone just like, you know, maybe it even. You said you're not a good waiter. You could. You could make good money in the service industry if you want to be like, a professional waiter, whatever. Go to trade school if you want. If you have an in anywhere. I mean, you're you're an old fashioned, like how do I make enough money to survive mode right now? Which silver lining? Lining? When if you're a sort of like millennial or Gen Z without anything anchoring in your life, the silver lining here is you do have motivation. You have something anchoring. You get a worry about the kid first and foremost and then, you know, look at our friend here on the couch. Slowly but surely build up your creative pursuits. It's going to be a different. It's going to be a different life than you thought you were 100, right? It is. It just is. It's going to take a little longer for you. You. But that doesn't even mean you have to abandon what you want. We're not even telling you quit on your dreams. We're just saying chip away at them a little bit.

[Mero]

Yeah. Like, you know, slide them around on the priority board. You know what I mean? Because the baby's number one, 100% Shorty's number two. Yeah, you're number. You're number three. You know what I mean? And then under you is like your, your. Your. Your passions, your dreams, your hopes and dreams.

[Eldis]

And right. And. And between those actually is an ice cold can of twisted tea. I would say.

[Mero]

Right.

[Eldis]

I would say somewhere between you and your passions. Nothing will help you think better, nothing will help you get that one man show going than an ice cold brewed with real ice tea can. And in 21 years, you and that little baby will be. Will be outside in your beautiful home in Los Angeles cracking open. Right on their 21st birthday. An ice cold can of twisted tea, y'.

[Caller]

All.

[Eldis]

So that's been this week's twisted ass movie ass question of the week. And we're rooting for you, pal.

[Mero]

Yo, go get it. Go get. Yo, listen, now's the time. Rub. Rub his beating a road. Get in gear, dog. Cuz that baby is coming whether you like it or not.

[Eldis]

Respect. You're going to be okay, pal.

[Mero]

You'll be all right. You tough, right?

[Eldis]

You're tough, man.

[Mero]

We believe in you.

[Eldis]

Let's do a couple more calls here. LD did we catch you off guard?

[Mero]

Should I get a new agent? That was crazy, bro. Like, yo. No, yeah, actually get the agent out of here. Like they're gonna take a percentage.

[Eldis]

It's over, dude.

[Mero]

You gotta 10 belongs to your kid. Yeah, Come on.

[Caller]

Hi. Stop. Hi, eldest. Hi guest or esteemed guest. So I don't really have a like a question with more just of an issue. I'm just gonna cut right here. It so me and my husband, we've been married for about like three years now, and we're relatively young. I'm 24 and he's 26. So I just generally feel bad because recently me and my husband were having sex.

[Eldis]

It's been cool.

[Caller]

It's been whatever. We're trying new things. He wanted me to eat his ass. I do that. That was fine. At first. I was like, dude, that's kind of gay. But I felt bad.

[Eldis]

Even your wife hitting you with paws.

[Mero]

Yo, yo, Me ch. Yo. She's like, hey, yo. You want a what?

[Eldis]

She hits you with your ao. Your wife hit you with ao.

[Mero]

Yo, yo, yo, Paul Champ. Yo, yo, Paul, yo. She turned into a 5 percenter for Brooklyn. Yo, yo. God, chill. God. You want me to do what? God. Nah, man. That's where the waist excrement comes out. God. That's filth. God.

[Eldis]

Respect. Respect. Okay, keep going.

[Mero]

Elders.

[Caller]

Bad. Even thinking that because I'm like, obviously he's not gay. And now it's kind of progressed into like, first he wanted me to eat his ass, now he wants me to put, like my finger up his butt. And the part I just. I just feel bad because in my head I'm like, dude, you're gay. But he's not. Obviously he's not. But I don't know how to, I guess, process it or. I don't even know what I'm even asking. I just know. I just feel bad.

[Mero]

You don't know how to. How to stick your finger in your own butt.

[Eldis]

Practice. She feels bad for him. What is going on?

[Mero]

She's feeling, like, weird about doing it because she does think it is kind

[Eldis]

of gay in her head. So our joke about her being like chill is true. So. Okay, so there's two things I'm hearing. One is in the back of her mind, she thinks it's kind of gay and doesn't really like it that much. Much. But two is she also sounds like she wants him to have a good experience and feels like she doesn't know how to practice or put her heart and soul into it. And listen, I mean, first of all, I do think you have to let go of the. It being gay.

[Mero]

Bro, it's just sex.

[Eldis]

Yeah, Listen, maybe. Maybe your husband. Who knows where he is on the Kinsey scale, Right? But he. Clear. He seems straight enough to you it seems like, Right? Unless you think this is. This is an act, he actually is gay. But that's not how you find this out.

[Mero]

Yeah. Nah.

[Eldis]

In fact, a guy who was in the Closet I think would not ask you to do.

[Mero]

Absolutely not. He'd be like, what are you doing? Stop that.

[Eldis]

Ew, that's gross.

[Mero]

I don't like that.

[Eldis]

Stop.

[Mero]

Why would you do that? That's for gay people. I'm not like that.

[Eldis]

100 in some ways I think this, this is actually someone who's very comfortable with you.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

And is it just happens to be into, you know, play. He might look, there's straight guys who want to get by, you know, want to get pegged. And it sounds like if I had to put my money on it, you might be. You might be traveling down that path. This might be. Yeah.

[Mero]

Incrementally getting them to pegging.

[Eldis]

You know, feel. It feels like that. So really it comes down to you're gonna have to let that, you know, is this gay stuff go.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

And you're just gonna have to treat it as any other. Like when you're in a relationship and your partner wants you to do something that it's not exactly your bag, you're not exactly pumped to do it. Treat it just like that. That happens. There's compromise, there's. Try trying different stuff. You might get into it. The longer you go, it's like relationship, bro. I know. Also like take this as an opportunity. If you're doing some sexual exploration, is there something you've all read to try? Is there some you want them to get into? You know what I mean?

[Mero]

Like you want like put toothpicks in your, in your labia or whatever. Like open your speculum and like, you

[Eldis]

know, that's your thing. You know, try it out. This might just be. Now this could be a miss a mismatch. In terms of freaky levels.

[Mero]

I was about to say, I was like, it sounds like he's a super freaky and you're just like a regular shorty.

[Eldis]

Yes.

[Mero]

And like you're like, oh, ass eating. That's crazy. I'm like, bro, we listen, I'm a 40 year old man dog. Like shout out to all the women that eat ass out there. You know what I'm saying? Because if you go on it, listen, I eat like I'm starving, right? You know what I'm saying? Like I'm rolling the all up in the ass like everywhere. Just like this is.

[Eldis]

You're getting in there.

[Mero]

This whole section is for me. It has nerve endings. You know what I'm saying? That bring you pleasure, shorty. So I'm there, I'm getting into all of that. The same thing with dudes, you know what I'm saying like, yo, if you sucking my dick, you know what I'm saying, and you get in the balls in the taint area and you do bit a little.

[Eldis]

I'm not mad in the booty hole.

[Mero]

I ain't mad at that.

[Eldis]

I'm not mad. Twisted. Yeah. Sometimes you got to keep it twisted on the butt. On the butthole, on the bone.

[Mero]

But like you said, I think it's a situation where she feels. He feels comfortable enough for her with you shorty to be like, yo, I'm as a man who is straight, gonna ask you to eat my ass in confidence.

[Eldis]

Right.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying? Because he probably is not putting that in the group chat with his man.

[Eldis]

Right?

[Mero]

Yo, my girl eat my ass. I said that was fire. Like.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

And then I'll get fingered. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

You know, depending on his group of friends, you know. True. No, I'm with you may not be toxic.

[Eldis]

And I. The other thing is, you're like, you guys are both young. That's another thing of getting married young. It's like she's 24, so to her this feels very freaky. Whereas like, you know, if she was. If she was even single for the amount of years they've been married because she's 24 now, eldest, so they've been married a couple years. So they've been probably dating since they were kids. Yeah, right. So it's like that's another element. It's like this is all part of growing together. You're being exp. This seems weirder to you than it actually is, right? Because this might be one of the only few people you've ever had sex with. Right?

[Mero]

Like 100.

[Eldis]

And maybe not. Maybe you were freak the year before you guys met. I don't know. But that's. It all is trending in that direction. So I think this is fine. I think this is a chance for you to kind of let go of your or. It's not prudishness, it's just you're a little sexually sheltered because you got married young. Hang ups. Exactly. And this is a chance to grow and. And I would say takes this opportunity if there's shit you want to try and really think about it too, you know, but you don't have to practice. Just. You'll practice well the more you do it. And it seems to be here to stay though, from the little I know about your husband, this ain't going Away.

[Mero]

Snap. It's not. You're not walking that back. No, no, because I felt like in the beginning, of course, she was trying to figure out, like, yo, how do

[Eldis]

I get him to escape route? This is not happening.

[Mero]

How do I ask him to stop asking me to eat his ass? Yeah, it's not happening, man. Yeah, like he's gonna ask for more things.

[Eldis]

This is your life now.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Till death do us part. One of the implied ones in your vows was ass eating.

[Mero]

Yo. That's how to eat your ass. Every Wednesday with some. With the little honey bear.

[Eldis]

Yeah. Good luck. That's cute. We're rooting for you. I think you're gonna. I think you're gonna grow to love eating your husband's ass.

[Mero]

Yeah. Yeah. And then listen. And if it don't work out with y', all, cuz y' all got married young, a lot. You know, divorce rates high in America. So the next man is going to be like, wow. You know what I mean? You're going to be a champ, right? Oh, I ain't never had this before.

[Eldis]

Whoa. Oh, you become addicted to eating ass? It's possible.

[Mero]

Yo, Come on.

[Eldis]

We're rooting for you, though. You're going to be fine.

[Mero]

You'll be all right.

[Eldis]

You'll be all right.

[Mero]

Cut it out.

[Eldis]

What else we got, L.D.

[Mero]

i'll be freaky.

[Eldis]

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[Mero]

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[Eldis]

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[Mero]

Don't know the difference between matte, paint, finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is with thumbtack. You don't have to be a home pro.

[Eldis]

You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, see price estimates and read reviews all on

[Mero]

the app download today.

[Eldis]

You do have to be.

[Caller]

Hey, savvy, eldest and beautiful guest. I wrote this down, so if it

[Eldis]

comes across, wrote it down.

[Caller]

That's why. But about 10 years ago, my dad passed away suddenly. I was 19 and he was only 48. Life insurance policy named. My uncle is the beneficiary with the understanding that the money would be split between My brothers, my kids. Instead, my piece of uncle kept almost all of it for himself. About a hundred and forty thousand dollars.

[Mero]

What?

[Eldis]

Wow, bro, that's crazy.

[Mero]

I'm trying to think of, I gotta shoot this, man. Like, I'm sorry, that's insane.

[Eldis]

You gotta do your nephew like that. And your brother, you're just like you, I'm stealing your money.

[Mero]

Yeah, you gotta sneak him, bro. Yeah, you gotta sneak.

[Eldis]

That's crazy.

[Mero]

He gotta get jumped.

[Eldis]

Keep going. What else we missed missing always.

[Caller]

He has paid us back since, so there's at least that.

[Eldis]

He paid it back.

[Caller]

But once again, I, I, since that

[Mero]

happened, the uncle has paid it back.

[Eldis]

Oh, so don't shoot to who though. I'm, I'm sorry because, because the dad

[Mero]

was like, when he, when I die, my brother gets this and he's gonna split it amongst my three sons.

[Eldis]

Gotcha. Yeah.

[Mero]

But the uncle has paid it back to all of them.

[Eldis]

Oh, so he took, he spent it and then he paid it back. Oh, okay.

[Mero]

So it was a payday loan.

[Eldis]

Yeah, whatever. That's fine. I'm actually all the way. You're a bitch for being mad at that. Yeah, your, your uncle, basically, your uncle did what all banks do. Banks don't hold your money. They do business with it and then bring it back.

[Mero]

Yeah. You know, my kids was asking me like, yo, is there, is there billions of dollars in a bank? I was like, no, stupid. I was like, how do you find. They give out loans and shit like that. Like that's what they do.

[Eldis]

It's all a game of musical chairs. We're fucked if everybody wants their money. Okay, so I'm a little confused, but let's finish up.

[Caller]

I just, it was horrible and I just cannot forgive him. I've been in therapy for years with a lot, just life in general. And this comes up a lot. And the answer always ends up being forgiveness, just to forgive them. But I just can't get there. I don't, I don't feel right about it. That being said, I don't really let it control the sector in my life. I have a great career, my dating life is going really well. I'm generally an overall all very happy person.

[Eldis]

Okay.

[Caller]

I'm cordial with them. When I have to see him the couple times a year I do, but I hate being in the same room as him. I truly cannot stand it. My brother and my mom sister have forgiven him since and like I said though, I just haven't and I don't think I will. He stole the last thing My father left for me. The thing. He worked very hard, you know, to make sure that he was going to be providing for his children back.

[Mero]

He. He borrowed the last thing your dad left. You say this, but I think it's. It sounds like it's a little more turbulent than, oh, I'm just gonna borrow this money and pay it back eventually. I'm assuming, I'm assuming they had to

[Eldis]

like chase after him.

[Mero]

Who knows?

[Eldis]

If it got legal, they had to

[Mero]

fight him in Turkey with a new hairline and like, yo, he got this, got a BBL and a hairline with our money. The you doing out here.

[Eldis]

Okay, so I understand. Okay, so probably what happened is. But my question is, was there a moment he was supposed to give it to you and you went to get it? There was zero. Were you. Did he fuck you in a way where you were expecting it and it didn't come and now. And he only paid it back like 15 years later? Like, that's my question is how. First thing is, how big a sin is this, right? Because again, it's annoying. But also, you do have the money now, right? Did you ever need the money and it wasn't there because your uncle took it then I understand a little bit more of this, right? That's number one. Number two, though, I think this is clearly, this is so intertwined with the grief about your dad.

[Mero]

Oh yeah, that.

[Eldis]

I mean, to me that's the larger thing here, right? That you're a kid when he goes. But you're kind of in the worst age because you think you're an adult, right? You're 19, so you think you have. And you have, you have all these like super, supercharged emotions. You don't know how to handle them. You're at the worst possible place you can be because you think you're smart enough to handle them, but you're also like young, hormonal, all over the place. And, and this guy, this uncle does a really fucked up thing, which is he steal. He essentially steals from you and, and steals the symbolically your dad's last wish. So it's like he's taking your money, but he's also disrespecting your father, who you lost unexpectedly in tragedy. And I think this is a way for you to still. The longer you're pissed about this, the longer your dad is actively in your life. In a way, it's like there's a piece of open business that your dad was directly involved in. And I think really my guess is you have to let go this Is like, the last piece of, like, fully accepted that, you know, your dad is like. Like, it's just. It's hard to let go of that anger because it's like, it's justified on the behalf of your father, who's not in your life anymore. And that's. That's a serious bummer. Right. And so that. My only thing is, look, really think about how much this guy you. Because if. If it's the kind of thing where you were, you needed that 30 grand

[Mero]

for, you wrote a check for. Right. A down payment on it.

[Eldis]

Your mom needed it to pay for the house kidney. If there was a. If this guy really wronged you in some way, I understand it a little more. I would still say work towards forgiveness, but more. But be real about yourself, about how big this sin was, what it really cost you. Because if it really does boil down to he took some of the money, you know, he was annoying about paying it back. We had to wait an extra few years to get the money back. That sucks. And you should be mad at him a little bit. But it is the thing that I think you can ultimately forgive.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

And I think you have to be real about yourself, about where these feelings are coming from, and really think about the grief and about, like, you know, letting go of it. And, you know, in some ways, it's like, do you really want the. The constant feel like this is a feeling that. That's intertwined with your father, but it's also a negative, negative one. It's also like. It's like. And letting that rule you kind of stops you from, like, having the me, the constant presence in your life. Because you're saying it's something he's mad about, like, daily. He said, yeah, I think you'd be better off to try and transition that into, like, happy memories of your dad.

[Mero]

That's it.

[Eldis]

As opposed to, like, this anger at your uncle. Right.

[Mero]

The other thing is too, like, I don't know how many siblings your dad had.

[Eldis]

Dad.

[Mero]

But if you chose your uncle to be the one that's distributing this money, that means that they must have been. Unless he's like, you know, it was. It was.

[Eldis]

They get divorced, I guess. Why wouldn't he give it to his wife? He didn't say.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying?

[Eldis]

It'd be so funny if they weren't divorced. And he chose his brother.

[Mero]

He's like, yo, women don't know how to handle money.

[Eldis]

Yeah. His brother knew he was cheating. He's like, all right. He's like, yo, listen, they're gonna be mad at you. They're gonna find out, use the 100k to pay it back. Is that, like a secret agreement with. With him? He's like, look, just do it. Fine.

[Mero]

That's what I'm saying. Like, you. You might be missing out on, like, a. Like a bonus dad, you know what I'm saying? Like, if your dad and your uncle were very close, you know what I'm saying? And they're. Maybe they share some similarities, you could. You could, you know, channel your dad to your uncle, which might be an unhealthy thing, but, like, you know, you got a. A father figure presence type of person still in your life, you know what I'm saying? That you can mend fences with.

[Eldis]

Why not? And also, how. How old is he eldest, did he say?

[Mero]

He said he was 19 when his dad died 10 years ago. So he's 29. Yeah. You're 30, champ.

[Eldis]

Come on. This is also. I also will give you a pass in terms of, like, I get the. These, like, I would say everything we talked about, really look at all your feelings. And also be open to it, at least. Because I think the first step for me reconciling with people that I never did was being. Being like, I don't feel this way right now, but if it comes up, I'm not gonna fight it, right? Like. Because that's another thing of, like, you don't want to hold. You don't want to be doing the work to stay angry. You happen to be angry. You're having to be angry. But if there's a time where you don't even give a. Like, truly, a lot of. With my dad is like, I got to the point where I'm like, I don't care. I'm a grown man. Yeah, who gives a. That he wasn't. That he skipped out on a couple important things that mattered to me when I was even in my 20s. But when you get to a point where you're like, I don't. And you might get to a point where you're like, money gets tight as for you, or you've. You have to do something where you're like, whoa, this is. This is borderline a little. And I'm not even saying close to what your uncle did, but you might start to just understand, right?

[Mero]

You might have to.

[Eldis]

When life gets up and you, like,

[Mero]

you gotta bust a move, who knows, right?

[Eldis]

I'm just saying at least be open to forgiveness, because I've been there too, where I've stopped Myself. Myself from, like, I've been ready to forgive. And I'm like, no. That I'm still mad at this person. And ultimately, it's the only person.

[Mero]

Yeah. Cause you just. You the only one sitting there stewing. Like, man, this. Your uncle's getting jerked off somewhere. Like, he's chilling. Like, eating a cheese steak. I don't know what the he's doing.

[Eldis]

Yeah, but he's chilling.

[Mero]

He paid that money back. His conscience is clear.

[Eldis]

He probably is. He's probably like, what the. Your problem?

[Mero]

Yeah. Why are you tripping, bro? Like, your brother's good. The other one's chilling. Your mom is chilling. Like, nobody's mad at me.

[Eldis]

Except that's true. Think about that. Like, again, I don't know. I don't want to be this armchair. This whole show is armchair psychology. Obviously. Don't take it. It's not medical. Do not listen to me. I'm. I'm a idiot. I might be completely wrong.

[Mero]

Me, too.

[Eldis]

But really, you might. We don't. I don't want. I'm not going to tell you you're in the wrong. But I am saying, like, I think there is something more than the situation that's causing this. It's not just the most intense anger. I do. That's my. That's my. My read on it.

[Mero]

It's not just the money, because obviously he said too, like, yo, I'm. I have a good job.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

Like, I'm in. A healthy relationship's going good. So let it go. Let it go, champ. Or, like, stop said. At least I think about it.

[Eldis]

Think about it in this way and also be open to letting it go.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

That's the first step to potentially letting it go. You got something fun for us to go out on here, Little Elvis? And we should say.

[Caller]

I don't know why I should.

[Eldis]

Before we do that, we should plug whatever you want to plug here. You're. You know, you got a ton of cool going on.

[Mero]

Yeah, man. Yo, you know, it's your buddy Kid Marrow at the K Mero everywhere on social media, even though it's. I hate it.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

But check me out on there. I'm hosting Hot 97 mornings with Mero every day, 6 to 10am on Hot 97.

[Eldis]

They almost had to give you the job because it sounds so good. Mornings with Miro is off. It's like, like, that must have helped you, like, 5%.

[Mero]

The alliteration. All. All, like, yo, the alliteration. It rolls off the top on. It sounds great. I think we're Getting a lot of political ads. We're going to get a lot of political donation money from this.

[Eldis]

Yeah, but.

[Mero]

Yeah, so. Morning, Z. You know what I'm saying? Victory Light, patreon.com victorylight. It's also on YouTube if you. You know what I'm saying? If you don't want to feed my children, that's fine. You know What I mean? 7:00pm in Brooklyn with Carmelo Anthony Mellow.

[Eldis]

I say hello, please. We met at the Ravens game. He had. He obviously had no idea who I was, but he was delighted by the, like, you know, they just showed me. They. I'm like, the fat. I'm like the fat fan.

[Mero]

You're like the son of Baltimore.

[Eldis]

Yeah, I was just on the thing screen. Like, Mellow's like, you know, giving a wave, getting a huge pop. And it goes. I'm right after Mel. I'm like the Steelers.

[Mero]

And he was.

[Eldis]

He was enjoying. But, like, just tell him I say hello. You know, just. He's one of the greatest. You gotta come through, man, like, anytime. Anytime.

[Mero]

Listen, yo, I better tell you, bro,

[Eldis]

Son of Baltimore, that he does that. That's my one beef with Mellow.

[Mero]

It's like, he reps Brooklyn.

[Eldis]

As soon as you got out of Baltimore, now you're Mr. Brooklyn. No mention of to Catholic. That goes away.

[Mero]

The.

[Eldis]

That goes away, dude. I'm just. That's my one little beef to, you know.

[Mero]

Well, it's funny because when Rudy came on the show. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Yes. Another. Another Baltimore.

[Mero]

Another Baltimore legend, like, Bowler, you know what I'm saying? Like, he would break his balls about

[Eldis]

that all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mero]

So that was funny. But that shit, bro, that's the most fun show.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

I work on, period. Because I love to do it, fam. It is. It is like a weed clubhouse.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Mero]

We just up there smoking weed, talking shit like, yo, we about. Yo, what we about to do? Yeah, we're gonna talk about some basketball and, like, who's coming. Styles P. Let's talk about bug fights. Whatever, man. Let's just be smacked the entire time we do it. This is bad fun. You gotta come up there.

[Eldis]

I'd love to, man, anytime.

[Mero]

7pm in Brooklyn was Big Stavi.

[Eldis]

Check all that shit out.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying?

[Eldis]

Yeah, please do one of our favorites. Favorites. You know, we've been fans forever, me and Melda stuff. I mean, we. We lived in a shitty apartment in Astoria where we would crush the Vice show. I mean, dude, we were. We were the number. We were number one. We were. It was on repeat.

[Mero]

Everybody that. Anybody. Everybody in the world that was like, into, like, bodega boys and. Yeah, DVM and all that and dnm. And they were like, yo, y' all gotta. Yo you. You ever with Cometown. Yeah, they're like. They're like. They're like the white version of y'. All.

[Eldis]

It really was. And it was. It was kind of like it had broke up at the same time, too.

[Mero]

All my kids, bro. Everybody was just like, yo, Mero's the Stavros of.

[Caller]

Of the.

[Mero]

Of bodega. I was like, yo, what the. I was like, is that you. Are you trying to. Is that like a backhanded compliment? Like, what are you trying to say?

[Eldis]

Always. Every. Every. Every podcast related, like, comparison is always back. You know what I mean? It's both. They mean it, but it's also. They're getting at something as well.

[Mero]

So what are you trying to say? What do you mean by that? I'm the funniest one there. Okay, great.

[Eldis]

But, yeah, no, it was. Yeah. Love the show. For real. It was. It was awesome when you. I mean, it was awesome watching you guys pop off, and I've been fan of. Been. You know, we've been huge fans the whole time. So awesome to get you.

[Mero]

This is wild, man. Yeah, because when I started with y', all, it was just like, yo, this is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

I.

[Mero]

With this. And then you started doing your solo thing, and I was just like, ah, this dude is hilarious, man. So I've been watching the stand up.

[Eldis]

Yeah. Thanks, man.

[Mero]

Locked in with you for a minute?

[Eldis]

Hell, yeah. Let's. Let's go out on a fun one. Eldis, what do we got?

[Caller]

Sorry, I don't know why I froze, but I'm pregnant with a baby boy, and me and my husband are considering not getting him circumcised. And I'm not asking for medical advice from you guys, but, yes, I want to know your experience, like, as guys or, like, have. Who have seen, you know, penises, interacted with them. Like, what do you think culturally or societally?

[Eldis]

Or three for three right now.

[Caller]

What's your input on circumcision? Are we for it? Are we against it?

[Eldis]

Don't mutilate your child.

[Mero]

You know, what's so ill? Yeah, when a boxer comes to a ring and they're like this, and then they get in the ring and they go like that. That's exactly what a foreskin is, bro.

[Eldis]

That's right.

[Mero]

It's an entrance. You know what I'm saying? Saying, like, Your dick is hard and that just comes down like a drop top. Come on, bro. Like if you circumcise, you just got a weird little worm.

[Eldis]

It's all up, it's all callous.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

You know what I mean? You see the scar?

[Mero]

Nasty.

[Eldis]

Despicable.

[Mero]

Come on, they cut your banjo string

[Eldis]

too and everything, baby. Imagine you want. That's what you want to do. That's how you want to welcome your son to the world.

[Mero]

You know what I'm saying?

[Eldis]

Chopping his penis, that's wild. Taking a knife to his little ass dick, that's wild. That's disgusting. So listen, and, and I've never, by the way, way people have talked about, you know, women will be like, oh, they're, they look weird. Like people will call in and be like, no, I've had exactly one woman be weird about my uncircumcised penis in my whole. And she was just kind of weird to begin with.

[Mero]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

You know what I mean? It wasn't a great situation. It was like a horrific motel after a gig in Virginia when I. And it was like one of my first ever headlining shows, brother.

[Mero]

You said motel in Virginia. Yeah, that's why you need to.

[Eldis]

You needed to say it was brutal stuff. She wouldn't give me head cuz I was on. She just gave me the worst hand job of all time. I'm still, I'm still mad about that. But don't let that villain, don't let that villainous woman affect your little boy's penis.

[Mero]

Yeah, bro, let it rock.

[Eldis]

We've all had a great. Everyone here has had a nice experience unserked. And we, we. We can't high, you know, very highly recommend it. No problems here. No one's been weird about. Has anybody been weird about it to you?

[Mero]

I'm trying to remember, like if there was ever a time, but I think one time this girl was like, yo, like it smells funny. And I was like, I've been outside for like two days straight. Like I haven't showered in two days. But that a foreskin will also have you cleaning your dick.

[Eldis]

Sure.

[Mero]

Like, you know what I'm saying? Like thoroughly.

[Eldis]

Absolutely.

[Mero]

You know what I mean? Like, so, you know, if you see an uncut dude, ladies or gentlemen, you know what I'm saying? Whatever you into, if you see a dude that's uncut, that dick is probably clean.

[Eldis]

True. I'm saying hygiene is very important. So don't mutilate your young beautiful boy. We're rooting for you. And consider naming the child Stavros. Or Mero or Marrow. Yeah. Beautiful. Those are two strong options. Do whatever you do, do not name it. Eldest. That's gonna do it for us. Mero. Thanks for coming, brother. They're so awesome.

[Mero]

Thank you for having me and we

[Eldis]

will talk to you guys next time. Bye Bye. Hi neighbor. Welcome to Birch Lane, your home for classic furniture and decor. Make the most of every special moment this spring with new beds and dressers, home reno essentials and more. Our timeless styles are crafted to bring joy for years to come and delivered fast and free so you can celebrate what matters most. Its classic style for joyful living.

[Mero]

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[Eldis]

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[Caller]

Breathe.

[Mero]

Rechalk still aiming.

[Eldis]

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[Caller]

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[Eldis]

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[Mero]

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[Caller]

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[Eldis]

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