#171 - Ms. Pat

Summary

Stavvy's World #171: Ms. Pat

Date: March 9, 2026
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Ms. Pat

Episode Overview

This episode of Stavvy’s World features comedian Ms. Pat, bringing her trademark brash, hilarious, and unfiltered takes to a rollicking conversation with Stavros. The show kicks off with irreverent, deeply honest banter about identity, body image, sexuality, and race, then segues into listener call-ins where both hosts dispense life advice, no-holds-barred. Ms. Pat’s wild stories—about making it out of poverty, motherhood, and her rise in comedy—are as uproarious as they are moving, and her chemistry with Stav sets the stage for some truly memorable laughs and real talk.
(Main content: 00:47–93:22)

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Cultural Identity & Humor

[00:47–04:00]

• Opener features playful cultural ribbing:
  • Ms. Pat mistakes Greek music for Mexican:
    • Ms. Pat: “I didn’t know the music came with olive oil.”
    • Stavros: “We’re kind of like the sour cream and onion of white people.” (01:22)
  • Ms. Pat teases Stavros about being “just a white man,” but pivots to his Greek heritage.
  • Extended riff on appearance:
    • Ms. Pat: “You look like something that go on top of a wedding cake.” (02:44)
    • Later: “You give me cake topper energy.” (03:21)

2. Body Image, “Small Dick” Discourse, and Fat Jokes

[03:25–15:31]

• Stavros and Ms. Pat engage in raw, self-deprecating humor about body parts:

  • Ms. Pat suggests Stavros looks like “the groom in a lesbian wedding” and cracks several “small dick” jokes, with Stavros going along in stride.
  • Notable, rapid-fire quotes:
    • Ms. Pat: “You look like you piss on your nuts.” (05:05)
    • Ms. Pat: “God has given this wedding topper a small dick.” (06:29)
    • On “solutions”: “Put a shoestring on your dick and tie it onto the door and just keep slamming the door.” (07:07)
    • Stavros: “My dick cannot withstand two bellies.” (08:48)
    • Ms. Pat: “This is why white men is mad in America… It was not us, it was God. Little dick lives matter.” (09:44)

• The cultural differences in humor and experience:

  • Ms. Pat: “That don’t happen in my culture. No, I have never slept with a white man once.” (11:49)
  • Ms. Pat riffs on New Balance sneakers as “orthopedic white people shoes.” (10:46)

3. Ms. Pat’s Career—TV, Cooking Shows, & Touring

[15:42–18:11]

• Ms. Pat highlights her current projects:
  • "The Ms. Pat Show" on Amazon/BET+ (season five).
  • Court show: "Ms. Pat Settles It" on BET.
  • New YouTube cooking show: "Whisking It All with Ms. Pat"—where she learns to cook new dishes, e.g., pico de gallo and spatchcock chicken. (16:54)
  • Stavros floats coming to cook Greek food; Ms. Pat jokes: “Ain’t nobody gonna screw you, but we’re gonna make some skewers.” (17:39)

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Call-In Advice Segment

[47:01–92:26]
Stavros and Ms. Pat tackle listener dilemmas with humor, honesty, and roast-level candor.

1. Long-distance with Young Girlfriend Starting College

[47:01–49:27]

• 30-year-old caller is dating a 22-year-old heading to university, worried she'll cheat.
  • Ms. Pat’s advice:
    • “One thing we know about white girls, they wild. In the first 25 years, they suck over a thousand dicks.” (48:11)
    • “Just break it off now.”
  • Stavros: “She’ll be getting her doctorate at that university…in dick.” (50:10)

2. Is OnlyFans Cheating? (Sexless Marriage)

[50:23–53:29]

• Married man, no sex for a year, spends $60–$70/month on OnlyFans; wife sees it as cheating and wants divorce.
  • Ms. Pat: “If somebody hasn’t fucked you in a year…and she want a divorce? Sir, your wife is a bitch and she’s cheating on you.” (52:32)
  • “What you did was not cheating. What you did was trying to keep your nuts from exploding.”
  • “Get rid of that white bitch and get a black bitch. Cause we want to be pulling potholes.”
  • Stavros: “It’s insane to say OnlyFans is cheating, particularly when you don’t like…” (53:29)

3. Taxidermy Dilemma: Stuffed Dog as Coffee Table

[54:47–58:06]

• Caller’s wife wants to stuff their epileptic dog and turn it into a coffee table.
  • Ms. Pat: “I would have somebody break in your house and steal the dog.” (56:46)
  • “Tell your wife to get a life and get another dog. … They all look alike.”
  • On entering a house with a dog table: “Immediately say we left something in the car.” (58:26)

4. Tomato Dinner Party Drama (ED Friend)

[59:21–67:13]

• Caller anxious about serving a tomato dish a picky/recovering-eating-disorder friend dislikes.
  • Ms. Pat: “Why you inviting somebody to your house who’s gonna throw up your food?” (61:25)
  • “Get friends that don’t vomit.” (67:13)
  • Stavros: “No one should be mad about the food at a dinner party—overdo it.”

5. The “Stinky Pussy” Problem

[67:28–71:58]

• Man wants to tactfully tell casual partner her vagina smells bad.
  • Ms. Pat: “Take her to the doctor. The doctor fixes broken pussies. … If you that anxious, buy you a pussy off Amazon.” (68:41)
  • “Your face gonna break out… You eat that if you want, you gonna look like Humpty Dumpty.” (69:33)
  • Suggests baking soda & vinegar: “Like a science experiment.”
  • “I know what my pussy smell like after 48 hours…” (70:52)

6. Polyamorous Drama — Twisted Tea Segment

[72:57–82:54]

• Listener distressed boyfriend is still close to his ex-wife (now with a woman); frequent 1-on-1 hangouts.
  • Both hosts: Relationship is “twisted,” but there’s a possible wholesome path.
  • Stavros: “You’re entitled to your feelings. … He’s not wrong, but he’s weird. You’re not wrong, but you could be a little jealous.”

7. Poly-lesbian Relationship Dilemmas

[84:34–88:52]

• Caller’s girlfriend wants her to see other women for her own pleasure.
  • Ms. Pat: “Why two bitches who bump vagina wanna share anything? … If your wife want to see you get freaked out by somebody, y’all nasty.” (86:22)
  • “When you open your relationship, you get STDs.”
  • General advice: “If you don’t want to be in an open relationship, don’t do it.”

8. Dating a “Short King”

[89:18–92:26]

• Woman loves her short boyfriend, but his insecurity shows.
  • Ms. Pat: “Buy your short king some heels. Or some stilts… Or use him for a tampon.” (91:17)
  • Stavros: “If his short insecurity bleeds into the relationship, that’s a problem.”

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Roasting & Rapport:

• Ms. Pat’s relentless comedic roasts drive home much of the humor, always grounded in cultural observations and experience.
• On body image and race:
  • “This is exactly why white men is mad in America… Little dick lives matter.” (09:44)
• On sexuality & gender:
  • “You just stick it in our navels.” (09:17)
  • “They just want to see other bitches eat you out, just come on back to the dick.” (86:19)
• On culinary diplomacy:
  • “Get friends that don’t vomit.” (67:13)

Personal Vulnerability & Resilience:

• Ms. Pat recounts tough early life stories—teen pregnancy, selling crack, raising multiple children and nieces—always pairing gravity with punchlines:
  • “I’ve basically done three different shifts [of motherhood]. And I’m done.” (39:34-39:42)
  • “I want to travel. I want to do comedy and just travel.” (40:17)

Cultural Commentary:

• Ms. Pat on Trump and the state of America:
  • “We are literally watching white people steal America again.” (43:16)
  • “Find out who leaked your taxes, Mr. President, and sue them. But don’t take my money.” (43:45)
• On the “king/queen” trend:
  • “Black people, they… They done stole ‘king’ and ‘queen’.” (89:55)

Relationship Wisdom:

• The show’s tone consistently pairs savage honesty with genuine care:
  • “If you don’t want to be in an open relationship, don’t do it.” (88:03)
  • “If you throw up my food, I’m gonna slap the shit out you. Food is too high for a bitch to even have a disorder.” (64:42)

---

Timestamps for Major Segments

• Intro & Banter: 00:47–15:42
• Ms. Pat’s TV & Cooking Shows: 15:42–18:11
• Call-in Problems and Advice: 47:01–92:26
  • Long-Distance College Girlfriend: 47:01
  • OnlyFans Cheating Dilemma: 50:23
  • Stuffed Dog Table: 54:47
  • Tomato Dinner Party: 59:21
  • Stinky Pussy/Communicating Hygiene: 67:28
  • Twisted Tea (“Poly Ex-Wife”) Segment: 72:57
  • Poly-Lesbian Relationship: 84:34
  • Dating a Short King: 89:18
• Ms. Pat plugs and closing: 92:26–92:59

---

Episode Tone & Style

• Raw, candid, and fearless: Nothing is off-limits—sex, race, money, family, or trauma. Every topic is up for brutal honesty and laughter.
• Supportive, not mean-spirited: Even the harshest barbs are delivered with warmth, and advice often ends with “If you don’t want to, don’t!” or “You deserve better.”

---

Closing & Plugs

• Ms. Pat reminds everyone to catch her shows on Amazon and BET+, watch “Whisking It All with Ms. Pat” on YouTube, and check her tour dates at misspatcompany.com.

• Closing advice for the “short king” caller: “Pick up your man, put him on the countertop in the kitchen, and suck his penis.” (92:15)

• Stavros: “Ms. Pat is so funny. You guys are going to love her. Thanks for doing the show!” (92:44)

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If you missed this one, you missed:

• The best, roughest “small dick” riffing in podcast history,
• Ms. Pat’s epic stories from crack dealing to homemaking,
• Real, uproarious relationship advice,
• And a Greek/Black cultural summit on the full experience of being alive in 2026.

Transcript

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[Stavros Halkias]

Welcome everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV call in. We'll solve all your problems. We're very happy to have Ms. Pat on the couch today. Ms. Pat, thank you for coming. Thank you for being here.

[Ms. Pat]

Thank you. I like the little Mexican music.

[Stavros Halkias]

Say it's Greek, but Mexican's close enough.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know the music came with olive oil. Olives.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep, olives. We're big olive guys.

[Ms. Pat]

You Greek?

[Stavros Halkias]

I am Greek, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, okay. I thought you just a white man.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no. Greek.

[Ms. Pat]

I didn't get a little flavor.

[Stavros Halkias]

A little flavor feel. I feel like we're kind of like the sour cream and onion of white people. You know what I mean? Just a little something different, you know?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. Cause they just mayonnaise. So you. Sour cream and onion. I think you might taste a little bit better.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. We're. Yeah. Not a lot of Greek. Do you have a lot of Greeks in Atlanta?

[Ms. Pat]

I don't know. I'm gonna be honest with you. Your skin is white. So you white. You have to tell me you something else.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair.

[Ms. Pat]

I don't go around and say, what are you?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's purely visual for you.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, yes, it is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe. Maybe you catch me in the summer. I got a little tan going. Maybe then for now, winter time. No, you wouldn't even think twice. That's fair.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay. You darken up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I do. I get. I. I crisp up nice.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, you do?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm a big beach guy.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, so you get almost black during the summer?

[Stavros Halkias]

I wouldn't go that far. But I will say, my brother, we. When we would get back from Greece, kids would talk to him in Spanish. So, you know, so they thought he was. So we. At least we don't get to black, but we get to maybe like a light Latino.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

On the spectrum. Okay, well, that's good, T. Check back in in August. I'll send you some pics.

[Ms. Pat]

Don't do that. But. You can. I say, you know what you look like to me?

[Stavros Halkias]

Please go crazy.

[Ms. Pat]

Something that go on top of a wedding cake.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've got cake topper. I got.

[Ms. Pat]

I've got.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've got a cake topper face. You.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. That's what you. Especially with you in that chair, like you look like a cake topper.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it's the big head or

[Ms. Pat]

something that somebody hired to jump out of cake and scare the shit out of somebody. That's what you give me. That's the energy you give me. Did not know you were Greek, but. Oh, okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you thought I'm either a cake topper or involved in some kind of hijinks. Involved in mischief.

[Ms. Pat]

Cake topper energy. That's what you give me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Now. I appreciate that because it's not technically a fat joke because being on top of the cake has nothing to do with eating it. So I do respect that because most people would go on right. For fat joke.

[Ms. Pat]

You give me lesbian cake chopper.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I'm the groom in a lesbian wedding.

[Ms. Pat]

No, no, no. Them two girls.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The one in a tuxedo.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. You what they call the dick carrier. You the scrap on you the dad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure, sure. I've always been very envious of being able to upgrade your dick whenever you wanted. Lesbians have that over me for sure.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, and black men do, too.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. But that's natural. I just mean, like, you get to go to the store and buy a better dick.

[Ms. Pat]

You can buy you a better dick at the Stove Amazon. Don't discriminate. I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know if I'd get the same joy out of using a fake dick over my small dick.

[Ms. Pat]

Elvis. Once you get his dick out of mailbox for him. Elvis.

[Producer/Assistant]

I'm shopping every day trying to see what technology can do out there.

[Ms. Pat]

And if you. I'm telling you, I know some people that can help you pick out a good dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, why could pick it out? I don't think. I don't think it would be hard for me to find an objectively nice one. I don't think I'd get the utility out of it personally.

[Ms. Pat]

Why not? All you gotta do is do like they do in the Handmaid said when they play like they was having babies. Just fake it,

[Stavros Halkias]

you know? So what I should do. So what me and other. The rest of the small dick community should do is get us.

[Ms. Pat]

Your dick is small.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not great. Yeah. Yeah. So you. Before. Before you knew that you just thought I should upgrade you. You. You felt it? You didn't.

[Ms. Pat]

You look like you piss on your nuts. But I was okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

How cold is it, Ms. Pat?

[Ms. Pat]

It's always cold if you got naked. I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will neither confirm or deny the nut pissing rumors. These vicious rumors.

[Ms. Pat]

Is your penis really small?

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, it's. It's not great. I have been.

[Ms. Pat]

So let me ask you this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Please.

[Ms. Pat]

As a. As a not so great dick guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Ms. Pat]

How do you jack it?

[Stavros Halkias]

How do I jack off?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. Do you put your balls in it so it'll be a complete set, or do you just hold on to the little pink?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't. That's the thing when you're jacking off, there's no need to. For. For glamour. There's no need to. No one's looking at it. So I think my dick probably looks pretty small. I'm holding on to the whole thing, you know, not a lot of. There's not a lot of overlap once we put a hand on it. You know, there's not. Not much comes over the top. I would say kind of like, you know when you. When you get a hot dog from. You got a peekaboo from pretzel from, you know, you know, in like the bun. Maybe just the top is coming out of a hot dog. What? You know what I mean? You just eat like the little. That's sort of like.

[Ms. Pat]

Are you serious? Who did that to you?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think that's God, unfortunately.

[Ms. Pat]

I know they always talking about God is good. Not all the time, right? Thank you, God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Done.

[Ms. Pat]

G. God has given this wedding topper a small dick. So. So pretty much you a lesbian?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I guess so. In many ways. In style, I think so your dick

[Ms. Pat]

is like a click.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it's a little better than a clit. I would upgrade. I would say my dick isn't quite a. I. I think it's just on the. You know, at. Right at the average mark, unfortunately.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, that's not average.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is him.

[Ms. Pat]

That's not average.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have grown to accept less dick as I've grown. Grown older.

[Ms. Pat]

So you know what you can do to get a bigger dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Please. This is huge.

[Ms. Pat]

All you got to do is put a shoestring on your dick and tie it onto the dough and just keep slamming the door.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think you're thinking of when a tooth is loose.

[Ms. Pat]

But think about it. If it'll pull a tooth out, it'll pull the rest of that dick out of you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll give the tooth fairy. I'll put a thousand dollars under the.

[Ms. Pat]

No, I'm telling you, just slam your door with the dick. I mean, slam your dick with dough a couple times and I guarantee you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

And you can always get the worst butter at the store and then jack your penis with it.

[Stavros Halkias]

The lowest grade butter.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. It helps it grow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

That's how I got titties.

[Stavros Halkias]

You. You lathered your breast with 48.

[Ms. Pat]

Since the third grade.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting. Since the third grade.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. I've had these titties forever.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's wild.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. And I'm trying to tell you how to be wild.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Yeah. I mean, I'll. I'll slather my little. My penis with butter. No problem. And I'll let you.

[Ms. Pat]

But as long as you got somebody who can feel it. I don't know. They can feel it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not. It's not like a. They're not doing like a dateline episode about me. Like, guys with.

[Ms. Pat]

If your penis is really just that much. As long as you don't have sex with a fat person. Because, you know, with a fat person, this is actually.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have experienced this.

[Ms. Pat]

You gotta fold back and get up in there. And if. If you fat and she fat. So you. You losing of dick space. Dad.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a great tragedy in my life because I am attracted to big girls and people think I'm a snob for not dating big girls, but it's purely geometry.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, my dick cannot withstand two bellies.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, if. And it. Only if you. Only if you got palm dick, you need somebody who can ride it. So most big girls can't ride.

[Commercial Announcer]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true. They. They have knee problems.

[Ms. Pat]

No, no, no, no. They. It's the stomach. Well, the good part about. I don't know if you know this about a fat girl, but I tell this all the time. And we. We. We're built for men's. With small penis. You could just stick it in our navels.

[Stavros Halkias]

Elder, suspiciously quiet over there, allowing me to take all the small dick barbs.

[Ms. Pat]

They got all they black. They got big dicks.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm sorry about Elder. Sus dick also is small.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, Elvis. Yeah, yeah, Elvis. You got a small penis.

[Producer/Assistant]

Well, you know, I would say it's normal.

[Ms. Pat]

I wouldn't say small, but United States of America. This is why.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the national. I mean, when you're breaking out the actuarial tables, it's not. The answer's not good.

[Ms. Pat]

This is exactly why white men is mad in America and they think we did something to them. It was not us, it was God. Little dick lives matter.

[Stavros Halkias]

Amen. You're going to be very popular with the fan base of this podcast after

[Ms. Pat]

that Little dick live matters. Especially if you got money. Y' all need to be laid too. I love when you first got here. Cuz he came in, he looked totally different. Then he went to the back and put on a, A, a sweatsuit that I would wear.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I had, I had to put on my professional attire, a tracksuit.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, damn. He went back there and turned into a black mama.

[Stavros Halkias]

You dress comfy. I don't know what you want from me.

[Ms. Pat]

You got the only thing say you white with that out them New Balance.

[Stavros Halkias]

New Balances, Sure.

[Ms. Pat]

That's the only thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the wide feet. That's the problem.

[Ms. Pat]

That's some orthopedic white people shoes.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. That's right. These are the best ones. The best orthopedic shoes you can get.

[Ms. Pat]

I know, I like, I tell people all the time the New Balance is a great shoe.

[Stavros Halkias]

There we go.

[Ms. Pat]

And black people don't buy them till we get really old.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

But white people start out in elementary school. You see heavy fee ass white kids running with them New Balance on. Well, we didn't know what New Balance. Well, we like why they got them negro slippers on, but we didn't know New Balance was a brand. So.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I unfortunately have had wide humongous feet. Another irony.

[Ms. Pat]

There's your dick right there.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right.

[Ryan Reynolds]

I don't know.

[Ms. Pat]

Set your feet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Unfortunately. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So when you, when you next time you having sex, put a condom on your feet and stick it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Put it on the big toe?

[Ms. Pat]

No, the whole foot. So she can satisfied.

[Stavros Halkias]

Have you had. It sounds like you've had your fair share of run ins with little dicks, is that?

[Ms. Pat]

No, sir.

[Stavros Halkias]

No sir, I have not.

[Ms. Pat]

That don't happen in my culture. No, I have never slept with a white man once.

[Stavros Halkias]

You haven't seen a little dick once in re. In when the baby is born.

[Ms. Pat]

Only when the baby is born. But that's your angle. But. And this is what white America don't Understand? If y' all have small dicks out there, y', all, that's a handicap. You can get a check for that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm with you. 100.

[Ms. Pat]

And you should get a handicap because small dick make y' all angry, then y' all turn into school shooters. So y' all should get Social Security for small dicks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Ms. Pat]

If you're little the white man problem,

[Stavros Halkias]

you should get disability to get. Be on Xbox all day, stay gaming.

[Ms. Pat]

So let me ask you this because I'm curious about a little.

[Stavros Halkias]

Please.

[Ms. Pat]

So when somebody giving you head, do they make a mistake and suck your balls too?

[Stavros Halkias]

When they do they or at the same time?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, cuz it's so close to each other.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, they don't. I mean, not at the same time that I guess that would be. Now look, there's plenty of room to operate. I guess it's just a choice not to. I guess you could if you really wanted.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, but I haven't had the. The.

[Ms. Pat]

So you. Do you piss sitting up or standing now? Standing up or sitting there?

[Stavros Halkias]

Standing up. Yep. Standing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you would have guessed sitting down.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a yes.

[Ms. Pat]

I don't know. You know, I don't want to. You know. I know a lot of men don't. Black men don't sit down because they. They dicks and balls.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hit the toilet, we'll hit the water.

[Ms. Pat]

Hit the water.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no danger of that happening. Oh, Jesus. Squarely.

[Ms. Pat]

So your shit just stay upstairs safe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it probably hovers, you know, but yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Never. Maybe one toilet I've had. I've.

[Ms. Pat]

Seriously, you should really tie your penis to the door and let Elvis slam it.

[Producer/Assistant]

I'll be thinking it's one of my many duties.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that is his job covers that for sure. We went over that in the. In the. In the interview. Well, that's good. And the little dick community. Write that down. Slam your dick in the door and rub it with low grade butter.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. The cheaper the butter, the bigger the penis will come out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's important. Okay. No grass fed shit. No Irish butter.

[Ms. Pat]

White, you know, white people be nasty. Now don't y' all be nasty. And put that butter back in that refrigerator. Cause don't nobody want no nut butter.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't have English muffin. Don't have an English muffin with dick butter. Nobody wants that.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. Not even the grease the Greek.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, who knows? Ancient Greeks were pretty freaky, but you know.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes you are. Y' all the little people that you know, that's your people right there. Right there in the wonder.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Them ancient Greece, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep, yep.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. Butt naked. Oh, yeah. I've seen them clay. Them clay mations.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was considered, you know, at the time it was considered, I just realized

[Ms. Pat]

who your people was. Y', all, y'. All the cello people. You know, the people. Look, with the little arrows and the little. The little peppers, the little underwear. Oh, my God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cupid.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, you Cupid. Oh, my God. It's. It's so crazy, cuz it's Black History Month and it's Cupid Month, too. It's Valentine's. I'm your people.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's so much going on. There's so much rich cultural back and forth going on right now.

[Ms. Pat]

Black people laying, piping, y' all shooting them with the cupid, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

With the arrow.

[Ms. Pat]

The arrow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right.

[Ms. Pat]

Of love.

[Stavros Halkias]

The only shooting going on here is love arrows. That' at least as far as Stavi's world is concerned.

[Ms. Pat]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And we should also say you have, you know, we got as what happens a lot with the shows, we will start talking about little dicks off the top. But we should also mention you have so much to plug. So many, you know, Ms. Pat show season five.

[Ms. Pat]

Season five.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a huge accomplishment.

[Ms. Pat]

Amazon Prime. Amazon prime and BET plus, season four. I mean, season three of the court show. Ms. Pat settles it.

[Stavros Halkias]

There we go.

[Ms. Pat]

Is out. You can watch that on BET and also BET Plus.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep.

[Ms. Pat]

And I have a new cooking show.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that. I was going to say that's the one thing that was missing. And then I saw that you're doing a cooking show. That's perfect. You're really on Guy Faeries Corner right now. You got five shows. One of them's a cooking show. You should. You should go. You should go tour restaurants as well. You'd be awesome at that too.

[Ms. Pat]

Not right now. Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess, cuz I'm

[Ms. Pat]

in the middle of touring, but it's called Whisking it all with Ms. Pat and it's on YouTube.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

And what it is, is people coming into my home teaching me how to cook.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, all right.

[Ms. Pat]

So it's not like just a regular cooking show. So I. I'm really learning how to prepare, you know, everybody favorite dish. So. And then at. Towards the end of the season, because I'm doing it in seasons, towards the end of the season, I will take a dish that I like and think I can make on my own.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right. Okay. What's your favorite dish. What is your. What do you.

[Ms. Pat]

So far, it was pico de gallo.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

If I'm pronouncing that right. And it's spashcot chicken. Spashkash. I've never heard of spatchcos chicken.

[Caller]

The.

[Stavros Halkias]

The backbone out of it.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. Just a chicken hitting the split.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So someone came on, and what's her name? Khadijah Cartier, came on from Food Network and made that. The spatchcot chicken with me as well. Oh, that chicken was so good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

But it's so many different recipes that I've had come through there so far that I would like to do them all. But I, like. I need to do something quick for the finale, so it might be those two. Who knows?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll come by and cook Greek food. Yeah, yeah. Some skewers. Nothing wrong with that.

[Ms. Pat]

Some skewers. Come on. Ain't nobody gonna screw you, but we're gonna make some screws.

[Stavros Halkias]

We'll see about that. You know, I do okay in Atlanta. Thank you very much.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, I know you do okay in Atlanta. A lot of people need their bills paid down. You catch me on the wrong time, I might screw on you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like you want me to send money to your cousin Cricket Wireless.

[Ms. Pat]

That's all right. Yes, Lord.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Stavros Halkias]

yeah, no, that's. Yeah, I do.

[Ms. Pat]

So what's the price of pussy now?

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the going rate?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

What do you say? It's been a while. You know, it's more. Luckily, that's the funny thing is when you get famous on the Internet, plenty of mentally ill women will just DM you, so you don't actually have to buy pussy directly.

[Ms. Pat]

That's why pussy is $40 now.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's. It does seem the market seems to have fallen.

[Ms. Pat]

Honestly, it really failed doing crack and then it kind of picked back up. But now with the Internet and they see people sitting in their living room with microphones and everybody famous.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Ms. Pat]

So now they just giving people like y' all for free. Don't have no more value.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I wonder what's been. What was worse for the pussy economy. Cracker, Podcasting? It's very hard to say.

[Ms. Pat]

Both.

[Stavros Halkias]

Both.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You. Yeah, because I was, you know, I'm a big fan, so. I know. I know all your. You know your story too. You were at. You really were an early adopter in the crack. When crack came around. You sold crack from the beginning.

[Ms. Pat]

What word did you use?

[Stavros Halkias]

Adopter, early adopter.

[Ms. Pat]

What that mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

You were on the cutting edge of cracks.

[Ms. Pat]

I was on a. I'm black. We was all on the cutting edge.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Somebody had to cut it and give it to all people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. True.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

I was a crack dealer when it first came out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's that? What was. What was the did people? Because I feel like when drugs first come out, no one knows how bad it is. They just think it's cool.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, I kind of knew it was bad when black women stopped combing their hair and they started turning into zombies.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So I knew anytime you take a hair comb from. Anytime black people let their Jerry curl go dry, we got a problem in our community.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that was the Jheri curl era.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. And that was dangerous, too, because it's dangerous to smoke crack with that liquid flammable stuff on your hair.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So they could have died twice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

But thank God they did.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep. Yep. That is true. Thank you. They didn't go up Jerry. The Jerry curl well, you saw what

[Ms. Pat]

Pepsi did to Michael Jackson.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is true.

[Ms. Pat]

And that wasn't even a crack pipe. Them was lights. Burnt the whole back of his head. He could, he could never grow the back of his Jerry curl out no more. He just went to a perm.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Was that the moment that that stopped? That the Jerry curl stopped? It was after that. Was that the moment of transition to the perm for Michael Jackson? That's interesting.

[Ms. Pat]

I thought. I think Michael Jackson realized how cute, cute Prince was with his perm and he decided to give it up. So he went from a tight curl to a wavy curl to a perm. And you know the time just, you know, the Jerry curl is actually back now. When I used to get it, it was 39. I heard people charging 200, put this funky in your head now. But I hear his back.

[Stavros Halkias]

I could see it being back. I feel like people are nostalgic for the 80s in a lot of ways.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, I can say that. I had it because my mama couldn't fix hair. But we only got activated once a month. So my was always like an Afro, just dry.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. So you had like four good days of Jheri curl.

[Ms. Pat]

If you kept a plastic bag on your head, you had about a week.

[Stavros Halkias]

A week. A nice week.

[Ms. Pat]

You can wet it in the morning.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

And. But by the time you, by, by the time you get to school an hour later, that thing would dry and puffy it. Like somebody look like you stuck your finger in the socket.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I'm thinking about it. Maybe I'll. Maybe I'll. What do you think? You think I'd go Jerry curl with the back?

[Ms. Pat]

I think you should start with the front with a, with some clippers. And cut that. What is that, a mullet? Cut that little mullet off.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, who knows what it is? Exactly. It's, it's, you know, it just forms your own hairstyle. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Why you holding on to it? You don't think you'd be cute bald headed?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't. I. I was bald and I grew my hair out during the pandemic. And now I just feel like. I don't know. It feels like.

[Ms. Pat]

Did you like to be B ball?

[Stavros Halkias]

I, I liked it. Okay. But I don't know, there's something about having this kind of hair that is funny to me. No one, no one in the world would choose to look like this. And yet I do. That's sort of how I feel. That's. That's how I feel. Like I'm making a bit of a You know, I don't know.

[Ms. Pat]

Know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is it a statement? Is. It's. I think it's funny when people in their mid-30s go bald.

[Ms. Pat]

You 30?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm 36. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm 36. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Y. I know you're thinking I look more youthful than that. A lot of people are surprised. They think I just graduated college. College.

[Ms. Pat]

Somebody think you just put your child through college. Okay. I'm old enough to be your mom. I have two kids older than you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, you had kids really young, though, too.

[Ms. Pat]

You don't matter.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

I don't look like they. Mama.

[Stavros Halkias]

You look. You do or you don't. You said, I don't know. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

A lot of time people think that my daughter is my sister and my son is my boyfriend.

[Stavros Halkias]

Friend. Oh, wow.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. How do they feel about that?

[Ms. Pat]

They don't give a. They know I had them in elementary school. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. That's what. And that's when you were. That's why you became. That's when you started selling crack. Right. When you had those. When you had your kids young. Yeah, I was. I was listening on a different podcast how you were just, like, making an insane amount of money as a kid. You're basically, like, 16.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, I was selling a lot of cray.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn.

[Ms. Pat]

You look like a serial killer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cake topper or serial killer? Which one? Both. I feel like one is a lot more whimsical than the other one.

[Ryan Reynolds]

You.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm trying to think of the movie. So it was a movie about the neighbor. He lived across the street.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

And they think he killed that girl with the red hair. You know what I'm talking about? They always thought he killed him, but they really couldn't prove it. And you look like the man who played the man of the killer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Was it Stanley Tucci? That was.

[Ms. Pat]

Was.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you thinking of the Lovely Bones?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. Oh, my God, yes. You look just like the killer. He know what I'm talking. It was a Lovely Bone. You heard that before, haven't you?

[Stavros Halkias]

I've never heard that one, but I did. I know the movie.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, my God. It's a Lovely Bones. It is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give me the side by side of me and Tucci. Eldest. Mark that down.

[Ms. Pat]

That's what the killer look like. Yes. Do you think he killed her?

[Ryan Reynolds]

Her?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think he did.

[Ms. Pat]

I think he did. He never got caught, did he?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think he did.

[Ms. Pat]

You know, they never found her body either, did they?

[Stavros Halkias]

The real story. I think. I think they did find her.

[Ms. Pat]

Down in that hole?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think so. I don't remember. It's been a while. I actually watched that at your house. All this in college? Yes.

[Ms. Pat]

You know, remember the Lovely Bones?

[Stavros Halkias]

Lovely Bones.

[Ms. Pat]

Wasn't that on Netflix or at the theaters?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it came out in theaters. This is. This is. This is a pretty old movie. Yeah, back in the day. Tucci looking weird. You know, Ryan Gosling, they gave him that role and then he got so fat that they fired him. And then he just got fat for no reason. Ryan Gosling was trying to look like me, I guess, and it didn't work out for him. He was originally cast in the weird serial killer role.

[Ms. Pat]

Really?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

And they fired him.

[Stavros Halkias]

He says they fired him because he got too fat. Nobody asked him to get fat. And he thought it would make sense for the character. And then. And then he just got fired.

[Ms. Pat]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would have loved to see some pictures of fat Gosling back then.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. You know, that's what you remind me of. The Lovely Bones.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is reminding me of high school where everyone just said I looked like whatever fat white guy was on television. I got a lot of Kevin James. I got a lot of Jack Black. I got a lot of.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, but you're not a bad looking guy. You're a nice looking guy. You do have a baby face.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you do have a baby face.

[Ms. Pat]

You're not a. You're a good looking guy. I'm sorry about your penis. But you.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's okay.

[Ms. Pat]

I made peace with it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I made peace years ago, though.

[Ms. Pat]

Did you?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

But you got a little money. I know you got a little money. So you can always get an implant. A dick implant.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think we. If the technology was there, we'd know about it.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, I would say this to you. Are you married?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not married.

[Ms. Pat]

Are you single?

[Stavros Halkias]

I am single.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, all you got to do is just start dating black women and need their bills paid. They would treat you so good.

[Stavros Halkias]

That sounds good to me.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have no problems there.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. Because you gonna take care of her and the kids she gonna bring over.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I do think Stephen step stepdad is sort of my dad. When you look like this, that's sort of your destiny.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. I mean, she gonna. You. So you're gonna eventually have a biracial baby. I would have a baby by you. Cause you got some money.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm open to that.

[Producer/Assistant]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Not me now. Not me.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no, no.

[Ms. Pat]

My is tied up. If you have sex with me, you just wasting your time. I don't want no sex. I've been. I've been having sex since elementary school. I'm really tired.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's a little early, I would say.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. I was gonna get my.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now you're sexually retired.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm sexually, mentally, and physically retired.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Ms. Pat]

I just can't. I can't put my leg in the air no more. My heart say, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is beautiful. I do think. I think that's a nice part of life to hit where you're like, I'm done with this. I don't understand why old guys want dick pills. That's. That's your time to. To sit in a rocking chair and eat apple pie.

[Ms. Pat]

You know, it's really hard to have a soft dick because I don't. I don't. I'm quite sure yours ain't soft yet, but soft dick just lay on your leg like a dead person. And it's kind of hard to go down there and just look at your dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dick.

[Ms. Pat]

You want to put some life back in it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. I guess that's true.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You think it's the psychological toll of looking at your limp dick is the problem.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm quite sure nobody wants to say. And you can't just take your dick off and throw it away, so. But you got to carry around to the day you die. So it's dead weight.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is true.

[Ms. Pat]

So why not try to wake it back up, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. You're like, the same way. You're done. Why would. Why shouldn't they be done, you know?

[Ms. Pat]

Well, my. Don't lay on my leg.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I see. Really physical.

[Ms. Pat]

It's very. It's in his own pouch. I don't see it if I don't look down there. But you have to, you know, you have to see it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right.

[Ms. Pat]

I piss and wipe. You got to shake yours off.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is true.

[Ms. Pat]

And as you shaking it off off a arm of a. What is that? Arm of an angel be playing in the background.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure. This song, Dead dogs, as you say, for the abuse dogs.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the eyes of an Age, Sarah McLaughlin

[Ms. Pat]

While you kind of shake life

[Stavros Halkias]

back in the year, a commercial with old guys, impotent dicks. And it's that. Yeah, it's that song. Interesting.

[Ms. Pat]

But you should definitely come on the black side. Black women will love you. They would love to use you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, I'm open to it. Like I said, I'm not, you know, I know how the world works. You know. So we're all getting a little something out of it. That's okay with me.

[Ms. Pat]

No, they'll love you for it. You're cutie by. You got a cute little face.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Ms. Pat]

You need a makeover. Get out that. Get out that black mama jogging suit. Get you a nice to pay comb your. Comb your back half to the front. Can you fix his hair, J.

[Stavros Halkias]

What do you think, man?

[Ms. Pat]

Man, he fixed my hair. I'm quite sure he can comb that to the front and give you a pixie cut.

[Stavros Halkias]

Comb it over. Give me bangs.

[Ms. Pat]

No bangs. I don't like white people bangs. We gonna give you a makeover.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I'm. I'm. I resist. Everyone's going to get in hair transplant. I'm not interested. Not.

[Ms. Pat]

You know, don't do that. Cuz they just beat up and somebody just died from that too. That's like getting a bbl.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't do that.

[Ms. Pat]

Just cut it off or either buy you. They got. They got wigs now so good for men. Did you see the boxer who got his wig knocked off?

[Stavros Halkias]

That was awesome.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, but don't fight on them. Yeah, they not fightable. Me, men hair is not fightable.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is insane to go do a boxing match knowing you have a toupee on. You know what could happen to you.

[Ms. Pat]

Well that's not called a toupee anymore. That's called a man wig.

[Stavros Halkias]

A man wig.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. Or a man place. They 2 pay is for people like Donald Trump. Donald Trump got a toupee.

[Stavros Halkias]

I see.

[Ms. Pat]

Now that is called a man wig. Right, right, Jay?

[Stavros Halkias]

Is there a difference?

[Ms. Pat]

Man wig. They're man wig. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Man wig. Okay. Yeah, yeah. It does. It does feel like that. Is that wigs are back and I always it. I don't understand why we can't. You know why men don't do wigs as much. I feel like women, they'll throw on wigs all the time.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, I got on one right now. Well, you know men. Every man don't think he's sexy. Bald headed. Everybody ain't got their head. You know, I don't know how they shape your head at birth, but if they.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's not bad. Yeah. I was bl. Bald for a while.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. So you know, some people think their head is lumpy and some people have all them knots in the back of their head and some people had that little. They little portable in the back of their head so they don't want to show.

[Stavros Halkias]

The neck rolls are tough. Yeah. The fat neck rolls are Tough.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So luckily I don't really have it. Too bad. You look like a Shar Pei. Those dogs, you know, with the scrunched up faces. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

They look like Pam dogs. She got one of them dogs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

But you know, you should, you know, comb it to the front.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

I mean, if you need to.

[Stavros Halkias]

The old fashioned comb over. You don't see the comb over much anymore.

[Ms. Pat]

No. Only Donald Trump rock to comb.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. It is an old. But maybe it'll come back. I mean, if. If Jerry curls are coming back. The comb over a leisure suit, who knows?

[Ms. Pat]

That's why I tell you need a black woman. You need to set between a black woman ladies and let her grease your hair. If she grease your hair, it's gonna grow back. She need to massage your scalp. All of that, you know, all of that. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Send me some stress. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So how do you like your black women? With or without crack?

[Stavros Halkias]

I would say without.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

If those are my two options, I would go without.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

I feel like with or without key kids.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I guess it depends. I get. You know, I'm open.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think. Yeah. It is nice. The thing about being a stepdad, it feels like. So it's. It's. Somebody set the bar real low, you know.

[Ms. Pat]

No, it wouldn't be low for you.

[Stavros Halkias]

It would be easy to cross it, is what I'm saying.

[Ms. Pat]

Do you ever approach black women?

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. Yeah, I grew up. I mean, I grew up in Baltimore, so.

[Ms. Pat]

I mean, do you ever approach black women like, hey, how you doing?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I'll approach a black woman and ask her how she's doing. Sure.

[Ms. Pat]

Wait, can I take you out?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, I have. I live in a strange world, reality where I've. I just don't even meet people any outside of the Internet anymore. So it's like. But yeah, some of the women I meet online are black women. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

See, I told you. They interested.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

When last time you got laid by one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ah, let's see here.

[Ms. Pat]

Don't say Covid.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no.

[Ms. Pat]

Everybody was sleep it out but eldest. See, I told you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Did you call her back?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

You still talking to her?

[Stavros Halkias]

I've seen her. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

See, I told you. It is different sucking a color areola, isn't it?

[Stavros Halkias]

I didn't find much difference.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, it is. It's probably had lotion on it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep, yep. Yeah. Probably softer.

[Ms. Pat]

And the vagina hair is called nappy grip. It's different.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I noticed that. Sure. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Did it get stuck in your Teeth.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't tell if it was that or a popcorn kernel.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was just at the movies before, so it is.

[Ms. Pat]

If you out there and you looking for a good white man, here's one right here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you, Ms. Pat. That's.

[Ms. Pat]

What's your name?

[Stavros Halkias]

Star Rosa.

[Ms. Pat]

Star Rose. Star Rofus is right here for you.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm ready to go. Yeah. So where do we. This has been fun because it's mostly been about my penis and trying to get me laid by black women, which is fine because we have been open. You know, it's nice that we led with honesty, and then we can move forward from there.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

But. Yeah. What. So you're. What? I mean, the other stuff we should talk about. You got the shows. You got. You're on tour right now. I'll go see you.

[Ms. Pat]

Please go to misspatcompany.com for all my tour dates. I'm getting ready to take my second. Second special.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm doing it this time out of my own pocket, and I'm taping it in Baltimore.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, where are you taping it?

[Ms. Pat]

Center Stage.

[Stavros Halkias]

Center Stage is cool. Yeah. Yes, I'm about to. We're filming. We're doing my special on the 20th or the 20th.

[Ms. Pat]

What are you doing it for?

[Stavros Halkias]

We're gonna do it for Netflix.

[Ms. Pat]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Netflix didn't call me, but okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, that's crazy.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The first place was on Netflix, wasn't it?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, it was. The first one was on Netflix.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, who knows? Maybe you shoot it. I mean, they. Who knows who. Who will run it? But either way, I'm excited to see the next one. Yeah. Baltimore's a fun town for. For. It's a great comedy town, you know? Yeah, we're. We're doing it. I'm excited for it. I'm a little worried my family will be there. That's. I don't like that some of the jokes are about them, but all my

[Ms. Pat]

jokes is about my family. Act like they not there and just do them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

I love talking about my family. Every one of them. From a gay daughter to my stupid son to being married to my begging grandkids to the step kids I got. I talk about everything.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who's the. What's the ranking of family member? Do you have, like, a ranking going of who you love the most at any time?

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, I love. Out of kids. My favorite child is June Bug.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

That's my favorite kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you have an answer? No. No. Even thinking no. Like oh, they're all the same.

[Ms. Pat]

No, ain't no all the same. People lie. Everybody got a kid they can't stand.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who's that for? You your son?

[Ms. Pat]

Now that for me is two of the oldest ones. Oh, they get on my goddamn ne. My favorite child is Junebug. But I love all of my kids. I do. I think I'm a pretty decent mom to all of them. But my favorite is Junebug. I think once I get old, Junebug will really take care of me. Everybody else gonna wait for me to die so they can get my money. And some of them, I believe, two of them will pull the plug while I'm still alive. I can literally have my eyes open, talking with IV in my arm, and they'll pull the plug.

[Stavros Halkias]

What makes Junebug your favorite?

[Ms. Pat]

I think because he was my last one. Okay. And I didn't find out pregnant with him till about 6, 7 months. And it was too late for an abortion, so I said, well, maybe he was supposed to be here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Plus, I had abortion with my other child, and I had an abortion with another baby before my. I had my son and God got me back, so I ended up keeping this stupid ass child.

[Stavros Halkias]

You think the first one was smarter than hell?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. I killed my LeBron James.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn.

[Ms. Pat]

So there's some Mike Tyson I killed and I just kept all dumb. They couldn't even get no Social Security cheat.

[Stavros Halkias]

How many? How many? Like, because you said you. You had your first two kids, and then it feels like you've, like, had multiple. You know, you've had, like, you've. You've raised, like. Yeah, you have step kids. And then I have cookies kids. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Two abortions. And then I raised my sister kids, and then I raised my. Now my niece kids.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

How's that? That's a.

[Ms. Pat]

It's been about 13 years. They're almost grown.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Damn. You just. So you've basically done, like, three different shifts. I have three or four motherhood shifts

[Ms. Pat]

I have, and I'm done. I'm not taking care of nobody else's kid. Them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Damn. That's got to be tough when you think you're done. And then here, then, like, niece. That's got to be like.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, you know, it's not. You know, I'm quite sure meth is in your community and crack is in mind, so it's no different. You just wait on somebody to blow up a lab so you can take their kids and your family and, you know, I'm waiting on somebody to get hit by a cough and being high on crack.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

And then I have to take their kids.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. And then. So what are you going to do without now that you're. You're going to be done with kids? What's the. What do you think?

[Ms. Pat]

I want to travel. I want to do comedy and just travel.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice. Yeah. You said you were gonna go to Japan.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm going to Japan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Have you ever been?

[Ms. Pat]

No. You?

[Stavros Halkias]

I've been. It's awesome.

[Ms. Pat]

Really?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

How long was you there?

[Stavros Halkias]

I was there like a week. I did it. I did some shows in Australia. Well, the first time I went, I did like these like very low level, like army based shows. This is like 15 years ago at this point when I first started comedy. And that was fun. But I bar, you know, I had like one day off and then I went back. Back maybe like, you know, 10 years ago. Five, 10 years ago. I don't remember exactly when. And it was, it was great. You know, it was easier to get around phone, you know, after phone, like the maps and everything like that. It was cool. But it's. It was great. I mean, I love big cities. I love seeing like different stuff. And I was in Tokyo and it was, it was really sick.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, yeah, we're going to Tokyo. Soccer in Kyoto.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Ms. Pat]

So I'm excited. I'm excited.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Are you a big Japanese food fan? No, no, no.

[Ms. Pat]

I don't know what Japanese food is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nudie.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, I like noodles and I like sushi. I don't eat raw sushi, but I do like sushi.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that is that like the. You're just going.

[Ms. Pat]

There's no, I'm taking a family trip. It's 25 black people going to Japan. I'm sorry, 22. 22 black people. That's a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. That's insane. 22 people going to Japan is.

[Ms. Pat]

You almost say that's a lot of black people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. They're gonna let you in Japan doesn't seem that cool, that chill. Well, 22 is. That's just the logistics of a family vacation to 22.

[Ms. Pat]

That's what we're going to. It's a face of vacation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Damn. That'll be fun. I mean, that'll be fun. I don't know, it gives me. Just planning that seems annoying to me.

[Ms. Pat]

It's been a little annoying, but we're getting it together.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for. Yeah, you, yeah, good for you. You have a good, good. You have a, A good outlook on life. Where it's like all this horrific happens and you're just like, yeah, who cares? I'll raise some kids.

[Ms. Pat]

You gotta get away from this. We can't just sit here and I mean every day is something catastrophic with this, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

You know, you know, we, we the black community is waiting on y' all white people to stop this. You know, until y' all get together and gather your school.

[Stavros Halkias]

At the next meeting I am gonna let everybody know. Know. I'm gonna let them know. Cut it out, fellas. Yeah, this has gone on too much.

[Ms. Pat]

I think school shooters on join ice cuz they have. It ain't been.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is. Yeah. What are the statistics?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, we had no school shooter. They all on ice now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. The like probably police killings are down because everyone's in ice. You just kill people for with ice.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, it's just, it's. Yeah, it's really crazy. Crazy is I've just never seen the world like this. I just think it's history repeating itself and, and the greed. I mean I'm like you. We are literally watching white people steal America again. We are literally watching white people steal America again.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean the green the like it is the this kind of corruption.

[Ms. Pat]

This man is suing us for $10 billion million dollars because somebody leaked his shitty taxes. We all know he cheated on the his taxes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he loves suing people.

[Ms. Pat]

He's suing us. What the did I have to do with it? I didn't leak your taxes. Why you suing us?

[Stavros Halkias]

He's suing the guy. That's the president, the government.

[Ms. Pat]

We pay our taxes to the government. So we just gonna sit here and give you our money because you're feeling hurts because somebody was with you. Well, that's what I like about black people. We never shoot up schools and we shoot the person we came to shoot. Find out who leaked your taxes, Mr. President, and sue them. Yeah, but don't take my money. I'm paying into my IRA or, or whatever the hell I'm they take my money for. It just said we literally watching white people steal America again.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he, there was something where it was like he there like mean. He's taking bribes from like he's like selling to the Saudis and man, we are prostitutes. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

You hear me? We just today he gave I think Iran give me a sip on my drink.

[Stavros Halkias]

Eld. El Root beer boy. We don't have a side table yet, so Eldis is ready to go at any moment to get to bring us to our guests.

[Ms. Pat]

Thank you. But yeah, it is the crazy. I don't. And people just act like they still love him. And I said, this is. That is the crazy racism like this.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's insane how. And it's like the. Even the. Nobody gives a. Like his.

[Ms. Pat]

A.

[Stavros Halkias]

His. His supporters pretend that it's like, well,

[Ms. Pat]

they want the baby too. They like baby. That's why they tired of other. Each eating one of those things they be eating with the baby. J. They tired of eating oysters. Oysters look just like baby. They want the real baby. So they out here, they ready to eat the baby.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

They want to lower the age. So you.

[Stavros Halkias]

So they're just. They're jealous is what you're saying.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, they want the baby. They tied old leaky like mine. Old hot flash. They want the baby.

[Stavros Halkias]

They wouldn't settle for like 20s.

[Ms. Pat]

No, that's some used it been dug into tampons been in. They want the untouchable. They want the. When you take off your draws, the draws just smell a little pissy.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's interesting. Yeah. I haven't heard that take on the Epstein files, but. But I am open to it. That's. That's. Yeah, I think Eldis. I think it's about time we take mispac clearly has a wonderful view on the world here. That's going to help our callers. Okay, we can't. It's. Let's. Let's not just talk about geopolitics and my little dick. Let's talk about the real problems our callers have. So, Eldis, why don't you play us a couple calls here with its two

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[Caller]

Eldest and esteemed guest. Everyone calls you all esteemed guests. Got a little bit of a situation that I just want your Advice on. So I am 30 and my girlfriend is 22. She just graduated college and she's putting

[Ms. Pat]

in

[Caller]

community college and she's putting in her applications for university now. And she'll be heading off to university in like August, around the fall semester. And so we have a good relationship. It's long distance. We see each other, you know, about once a month roughly. She'll come down for a week or I'll go up there and with her gearing up to go to university, I have some concerns about continuing the relationship. I do love the girl and she's great and all, don't get me wrong, I'm keeping this short for the podcast, but basically I don't know how much I trust her or the people in college when she goes off to university. Like realistically, you know, she's 22, she's definitely going to want to and be super horny, especially if she's like drinking out there at a party or whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

How long has you been dating this girl?

[Ms. Pat]

Well, let me just say this, call her that girl. 22 years old. One thing we know about white girls, they wow, in the first 25 years they suck over a thousand dicks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Those are interesting statistics.

[Ms. Pat]

You might want to get up. You might as well get get up or take your ass up there, enroll in that universal with her cuz she about to have so many dicks and once she get that black in her mouth, it's over. It is over.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's good. Yeah. What are the demographics of the university? She's.

[Ms. Pat]

We don't even want to know. But she can just get a, a black that can read and it's over.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did he have anything else to say?

[Ms. Pat]

He's just break it off now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Producer/Assistant]

Worried she's going to cheat on him.

[Ms. Pat]

Baby, she going to cheat on. She's 22. That pussy is like a firecracker. I mean, and all this time she been sucking your average dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh my God, 30 and 22 also it's like, what's that relationship? When did it start?

[Ms. Pat]

It don't matter. Yeah, she gonna have so much dick in her jaws.

[Stavros Halkias]

I tend to agree, I agree with Ms. Pass Reed of the situation.

[Ms. Pat]

She's a 22 year old white girl, they come out the womb ready. All that church them people don't put into that little white girl. And she free now I'm gonna say that Negro, please.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, man, you should probably just cut it off. Also you're. She doesn't want to. She's not gonna. Even if she doesn't cheat on you. It's like what is the. What's the best case? Cheat on you. She's going to cheat on you, right? That's true.

[Ms. Pat]

22, you're 30.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where do you see this relationship going?

[Ms. Pat]

This is natural university to be. That's where I see this relationship going.

[Stavros Halkias]

To the university.

[Ms. Pat]

A dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's over. That's. She will be getting her doctorate at that university.

[Ms. Pat]

Sure will get dipped and docked.

[Stavros Halkias]

What else we got? Eldest. I think that. I think we dispatched our caller pretty quickly there.

[Caller]

Hey, stuff. Eldest. Esteemed years old, physician in a pretty demanding specialty. Work really hard, married with two kids. Here's my problem. Married to my wife for 10 years. We have a beautiful house, nice cars, take great vacations. She doesn't have to work two nannies. She's got everything she wants in the world. Sex life has been pretty terrible as in non existent for over a year. Tried everything I could. Eventually gave up, admittedly. Had to join only fans.

[Stavros Halkias]

Had to join.

[Caller]

I've been doing that for.

[Ms. Pat]

Stop. Replay that.

[Producer/Assistant]

He had to join only fans.

[Stavros Halkias]

So wait, he joined it. But he, he, he.

[Producer/Assistant]

I think he means he's like a customer.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's watches only fans. Yeah, he subscribes to other women's only fans. Okay, okay.

[Caller]

Had to join.

[Stavros Halkias]

Had to put a gun to his head.

[Caller]

And I've been doing that for about a year. Nothing personalized, just kind of subscribe to a few pages. Okay, so he watched some content, pay for some content. Didn't really think much of it. Maybe spend 60, 70amonth. Wife runs across this on one of my credit cards, freaks out, says it's cheating.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh.

[Caller]

Wants a divorce. Tells me that if I'm looking at anybody that's not her and paying for it, that's the same thing as going to like a sex party or that's crazy. Or cheating on her. I think this is really strange personally.

[Ms. Pat]

She don't want. And that was her way out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I agree.

[Ms. Pat]

She do not want you. And you sound sound like such a good man and she do not want you. If, if somebody hasn't you in a year and you're married and this lady got a. The home, the car, the life, she might be your homeboy because that's what white women.

[Stavros Halkias]

She doesn't want you.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Worst case scenario, she's your friends.

[Ms. Pat]

She might be. But if she ain't you and you gotta go to onlyfan and jack your dick off them short videos. Do you know how hard it is to jack your dick off them? And I don't Even know what's on only fade. I don't even know if they give you the whole video. But if you spent $70 on some pussy that you couldn't even get and she want a divorce. Sir, your wife is a bitch and she's cheating on you. And the reason why she wanted divorce is because she was looking for a way out. What you did was not cheating. What you did was trying to keep your nuts from exploding. And I understand that you get rid of that white bitch and get a black bitch. Cause we wanna be pulling put up.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

If you want some biracial kid, bring your ass to the other side.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can get.

[Ms. Pat]

You can get better food. Cuz I know, I know you a sickle macaroni cheese at the entree. Cuz that's all white women cook is macaroni cheese for the entree. Your wife is a. And she's cheating.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's insane to say only fans is cheating. Particularly when you don't like. She. She's. That's essentially what she. She starved you. It's kind like of like siege warfare. Starved you out, forced you to pornography, which is by the way a good outcome even.

[Ms. Pat]

I have sex even 90 every 90 days.

[Stavros Halkias]

Keep the accounts open before. Yeah, that is.

[Ms. Pat]

He see y'.

[Stavros Halkias]

All. Yeah. How many times he.

[Ms. Pat]

His. His nuts fill up with nuts?

[Stavros Halkias]

How long did he say they've been together?

[Producer/Assistant]

They've been married for 10 years.

[Ms. Pat]

How many?

[Stavros Halkias]

10 years.

[Ms. Pat]

10.

[Stavros Halkias]

10. Married.

[Ms. Pat]

You've been married for 10 years? Your wife been at the yoga class? I do think there's always some white women that do that yoga.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, the. A personal trait that happens a lot when someone will cheat with a trainer or something happen to Tom Brady. In fact, that's Giselle with her karate instructor.

[Ms. Pat]

Go and get you a black woman. Do the next column.

[Stavros Halkias]

I agree. Eldest.

[Ms. Pat]

Oh, well, God damn. I keep looking at you go and do the next one like they don't know it.

[Caller]

Hello, Stavros. Eldest guest. Thank you for taking my call. So little story. I'm married, been married for nine years. And my wife's great, funny, lovely, beautiful, all the things you want. Our relationship is good. The problem is, is with our dog. He is 10, 11 years old. He has epilepsy. So he's still got some life left, but he's showing signs of aging. The problem is my wife has claimed she wants to have him stuffed when he dies and potentially turned into a coffee table. And although I think that's kind of funny, I don't think I want a Stuffed dog in my house. And then there's the inevitable time when we have to, at some point, throw him out again. So it'll be like he's dying twice. How do I convince my wife that we shouldn't do that? Or is there another solution on what we can do, a creative solution on what to do with the remains of my dog when he is no longer with us? I am also acutely aware that this is white people shit. So if you have a guest that is a person of color, that might add a little better perspective on this whole situation.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm so glad I'm here for you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Lucky, lucky, lucky.

[Ms. Pat]

Work.

[Caller]

Love you and everything. Bye bye.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, your dog got epilepsy. That's the first problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's crazy.

[Ms. Pat]

So that's just seizures, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think that's some people that just.

[Ms. Pat]

There's some people who have to have somebody around to keep from bumping their head.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Ms. Pat]

So I don't know why the. Your wife wants stuff that dog. But if I was you, just keep your wife to shut the up, stuff the dog. Call me, I would have somebody break in your house and steal the dog.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, smart robbery of the stuffed dog. And you're a good guy, you know,

[Ms. Pat]

and then you just. You put insurance on that stuffed dog table.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Ms. Pat]

And you ain't got to worry about this no more.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Ms. Pat]

But it is definitely white people. I've never heard anybody. My black people, we don't stuff our dogs.

[Stavros Halkias]

It feels very country to me.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Stuffed animal like that to me. I would never do you know what you should do?

[Ms. Pat]

You should stuff him and have him standing up with his dick on hard and see if she keep it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Have them add a very red dog dick to the end of that thing.

[Ms. Pat]

Yes. That is so stupid. Tell your wife to get a life and get another dog. Whatever dog is dying, they made another one look just like him. That's the good part about having a damn dog. It's a lot of them and they all look alike.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you a dog person?

[Ms. Pat]

Yes, I have Cane Corso, but one died and I just bought another one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Those are huge, right? Those are. Those are big dogs, the Cane Corsos. Oh, hell yeah. Hell yeah. How big? Because you have like a. I was seeing on Instagram, you're like built. You built like a huge house.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, they have a dog house.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have like. Yeah, those dogs live better than eldest lives. I've seen their house. It looks better. It's better than his apartment.

[Ms. Pat]

It's nice. Jesus Christ. Please tell your wife.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, don't do that. Don't do it, man.

[Ms. Pat]

Because if a person of color come over there, they're gonna be like, what the is wrong with these white people? They gonna be calling everybody. Hey, this is where I'm at. I think they eat. Don't do that.

[Stavros Halkias]

That would be. Imagine you walk into someone's house and there's a dog with a glass table over top of it.

[Ms. Pat]

Immediately say we left something in the car.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's we'll get back in the car

[Ms. Pat]

and pull the off.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, your. Your wife wants everyone to think your family's insane. That's what will happen if you have a stuffed dog. It's crazy. Dude, you can't just let. Just show her this clip. Let her see how viscerally disgusted we are.

[Caller]

Are.

[Stavros Halkias]

We both are. And no one is going to want to come over. Somebody drops their kids off to play with your kids and they see a dog and you have a coffee resting on top of a dog. It's going to look weird.

[Ms. Pat]

Tell your wife. Is she going to waste her time on some taxidermy? Why don't she wait till you die and stuff you? At least you'll be ever. You can forever be around when she get another man. She can put you in the closet. When she loan you, she can pull you back out.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's interesting. Human taxi. Dermy. Something to consider. All right, Eldis, what else we got? Man, we're crushing these problems.

[Caller]

Hi Stall. Hello, Eldest exting the guest. I'm hoping that y' all can help me with this to see who is right, if I'm right or I'm in the wrong. So I have a friend who is recovering from a pretty gnarly eating disorder. Had it since high school and over the past four years they've been in recovery for it.

[Stavros Halkias]

An eating disorder.

[Ms. Pat]

Eating disorder. Oh, not black people. Problem Nicole.

[Caller]

And so I have made been very careful whenever inviting them to like eat at my house or we go out to eat to just be aware of that. Now I am having a dinner and I tried finding recipes that would satiate everybody. That included some with me, some without meat. And I had to vote in it because it was a tie. And we ended up choosing a dish that had tomatoes. Come to find out that the girl that has the ED doesn't like tomatoes.

[Ms. Pat]

Not because don't like nothing. She throw everything out

[Caller]

not because of the ed, but because they're yucky and they're too red. I'm. And so I just need your advice because I Don't know if I'm in the right to do this tomato dish. Dish because I want to do the tomato dish or if I should just, you know, change my vote. So then we do the dish that she wants as well. This has kind of been a problem where she acts very childish, and she, like, doesn't. If she doesn't get her way, then she gets upset. And I also included a question in the form saying dietary restrictions. Anything I should know about? And she didn't put anything. So am I in the right to make this, like, tomato dish, or should I have just made the other dish? Or should I have just made the other dish? Like, I don't know what to do. So if y' all could help me out, I would appreciate it. Also, I have really great tips, so I hope that influences your decision.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting. Interesting. Awesome tips.

[Ms. Pat]

First of all, why are you inviting somebody to your house who's gonna throw up your food? That's a waste of time. Come on, white people. Some of this you ain't gotta call into the serial killer, folks. Water. It is crazy. I mean, who. First, if she got an eating disorder, the should be at the house. Okay. And then how she scared of tomatoes because no matter what she eats, she gonna throw it up. So she gonna waste your food regardless. So you. You should tell her, bring your own food, because you gonna throw it up anyway.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, yeah, it's like. I think the. The. The weird thing here is she's talking about a dinner party and, like.

[Ms. Pat]

But who inviting vomit cake people? Your friend is a vomit cake.

[Stavros Halkias]

Vomit cake?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. Who invite them to a dinner party? You take them to the movies. You don't invite them. Where food at? Oh, you know, we. That. That, Ed, is what they call it, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Eating disorder.

[Ms. Pat]

We never had that in the black community.

[Stavros Halkias]

You didn't know anybody growing up that

[Ms. Pat]

you would get the beat out of you throwing up your mama food. You would be in that bag sucking that back like a straw. You would get your ass beat. It was not a disorder. It was. You disrespect my table.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

We would get our ass beat for throwing up all my. So you need to get better friends. I'm just gonna keep it real with you. I've never had a friend to throw up unless you were drunk or she had the flu. Inviting no fucking vomit cake person to no fucking dinner party.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would say I have a slightly different take on it, which is you can invite her, I would say, if she wanted the other one. First of all, like, making a Google spreadsheet for a dinner party. That to me is whiter than stuffing.

[Ms. Pat]

No, it ain't white or what? Who the fuck what? She said a tomato dish. Why is you making a tomato? What the hell is a tomato dish?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I would say what's yeah what? Because my philosophy towards a dinner party is have so much food that it's like you got to overdo it when you're hosting a dinner party, in my opinion. So you shouldn't have one dish, right? One tomato based dish. Even if I didn't have an eating disorder. Think of it this way. There's. So you want to please people with an eating disorder. You also want to please fat people. Think about it like you're cooking for fat people. That's a. Yeah, that might be a problem.

[Ms. Pat]

And they probably all got Ed and

[Stavros Halkias]

DDE So I would say overdo it. Cook wise. Wise do both dishes. You know what I mean? You want people when you're hosting or say it's a potluck, but you can't ho. In my opinion, you can't host a part a dinner party and say there's one dish. That's insane.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, how about this? Just don't invite your friend who likes to throw up. How about that? The bitches throw up. Stop hanging out with throw up. Okay? And get a who know how to swallow.

[Stavros Halkias]

What if she's a recovering throw up?

[Ms. Pat]

I don't don't hang out with her either.

[Stavros Halkias]

So if you have an eating disorder, you're not allowed to go to dinner parties.

[Ms. Pat]

You shouldn't. You should stay at home and throw up your mama. Somebody who care about you wasting their food because you throw up my food, I'm gonna slap the shit out you. Food is too high for a to even have a disorder.

[Stavros Halkias]

Here's the thing. If I'm having a party, I don't care if you wait, you know, have a good time is what I care about. Now. It'd be different if it was day to day. You're caring for someone who's wasting food. Whatever. But listen, I don't care like most of the.

[Ms. Pat]

And don't nobody want to see nobody with no ED anyway. They be all shoulders and bones.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think, I think they. I think we shouldn't ostracize people with ed. I'm going to come with the opposite perspective.

[Ms. Pat]

I mean think about this. People Ed, people Ed. I guess you try to save me. Let me shut up. People with Eddie meat got cloth hanger shoulders. So.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Well, hopefully if you make a delicious enough meal you know, put a little meat on their bones. I think the answer here is one.

[Ms. Pat]

It ain't gonna. It ain't gonna be no one meal to get on their bones. And I know it's a disorder. And if this question is really real, that you asking else I. Huh? What you say?

[Stavros Halkias]

Ed.

[Ms. Pat]

I did too.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ed versus Ed. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's true. I guess it is both. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So how do we know she have a disorder and not a limp dick?

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe that's why I'm supporting her so much.

[Ms. Pat]

You gotta. So we don't know if you have a limp dick or eating disorder. If it's a eating disorder, just get better friend. If it's a. A lick dick, call him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. True. I can tell you what to do.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, I don't know what to do with a limb.

[Stavros Halkias]

Listen, overcook, have a couple extra dishes. If your friend doesn't like tomatoes because they're yucky, I think it doesn't matter if she has an eating disorder. Even if she just was a regular guest who wasn't a fan of that dish. You don't want to. You don't want half the people who voted to be pissed. They just cook both things, in my opinion. Cook less of both things things. Cook enough. Cook some side dishes, say it's a potluck. No one should be pit at. No one should be mad about the food at a dinner party. The whole fucking point is the dinner. You want it to be something everybody's going to at least enjoy a little bit or have an. An element that they like. You don't want anybody being mad about the food at your fucking dinner party.

[Ms. Pat]

Except the e deer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. She might like something though. She might like the. Did she mention what the other dish was? Eldest? No. Okay. Well, anyway, hope you and your great tits have a good dinner party. We're rooting for you. And yeah, cook. Cook more than you think is my. You know, as a. That's a. That's the Greek thing though, too. Is like, oh, keep it real.

[Ms. Pat]

Like a real black person. Get friends that don't vomit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, those are your two options. Get friends that don't vomit or cook a little extra food. You decide. What else we got?

[Caller]

LD hey, style. Hey, eldest. Hey, guest. I got a quick one for you. I love eating. And I just started hooking up with this new girl. He's casual. And when we. When we first hooked up, I went to go eat her out and she said, no, don't do it. I'm insecure and I said okay. And then the next time we. I didn't go to eat her out, but I caught a whiff and I was like, I see why she is insecure. So basically my question is how do I tell this girl that I'm not in a serious relationship with. That like has. Has anybody actually straight up told you,

[Ryan Reynolds]

you know,

[Caller]

the rumors are true, it does stink. And then how do I. How do I help her fix it? Because I do really want to eat her pussy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's just me.

[Caller]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow, tough problem man.

[Ms. Pat]

Take her to the doctor. The doctor fixed broken pussies. Her got something uncrossed. She need an autopsy. Go get that girl autopsy. And then you can eat her pussy. Geez, how you tell her you call a doctor you can't fix that pussy. That pussy need medication?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, probably.

[Ms. Pat]

Unless you like eating fucking pussy.

[Stavros Halkias]

You. How do you tell your girlfriend your pussy stinks? I think is his real question.

[Producer/Assistant]

Well, I think a big thing for him too. Is that like they're not dating seriously.

[Ms. Pat]

He said he up?

[Producer/Assistant]

No, he said. He said how do you tell someone who you're not in a serious relationship with they're casually but he still wants

[Stavros Halkias]

to eat the eater. You can't. You can't tell someone.

[Ms. Pat]

They're your face gonna break out. I'mma tell you right now your gonna break out. Tongue neck eels. You eat that if you want to the next time we see you, you gonna look like lumpy dumpy Humpty dumpty fell off the wall. That who you look like too?

[Stavros Halkias]

Humpty Humpty Dumpty as well.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, you eat that if you want go stick your tongue down there see if it catch on fire. If you that anxious into eating ass, come on over here with us. Hey, you still want to eat the buy you a off Amazon?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I think. Listen man, you can't. This is a weird. Sure, sure, sure. I have. It's not great but you know you do have. Sometimes you just have to take one for the team. But I would never in a casual hookup scenario. I don't know that I'm telling someone their stinks.

[Ms. Pat]

So let me ask you something. Does it smell like fish or does it smell like oil or does it smell like oil refrigerator bacteria like a

[Stavros Halkias]

moldy fridge that no one's opened in

[Ms. Pat]

a while smell like any of those

[Stavros Halkias]

bad runs the gamut? Yeah, there's a rainbow of bad smells out there.

[Ms. Pat]

I know what my pussy smell like after 48 hours. So.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we're looking at something that sounds Pretty gamey. And I think if this is a casual hookup situation, you're not telling them their smells bad if you want to.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, because she gonna funk up the room. If y' all ever sneaky, everybody gonna know it.

[Stavros Halkias]

You could. You could push for a shower. That's kind of. That's a move that some people do. But you know, if you're. If she does it, she going to up the shower.

[Ms. Pat]

Now you in a closed space with

[Stavros Halkias]

that a so bad that it ruins the shower.

[Producer/Assistant]

Give her a fresh bar of soap and a fresh washcloth.

[Ms. Pat]

The reason why. Pussy. Think how white people don't use washcloth.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. You ain't pulling them lips back. You gotta let them lips soak, girl.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get her some baking soda and vinegar. Like a science experiment where like the volcano erupts. Pour some baking soda and vinegar in her pussy and then it'll just pop off. You got a lot of great ideas.

[Ms. Pat]

You can always. You a white boy. I know you got a gun. Just shoot in the pussy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna stop short of shooting her pussy.

[Ms. Pat]

I mean, with your penis. He don't know. Cause he got. I did. Praise the Lord. Interesting guesses you have.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, let's do a couple more here. Eldis, what else we got? Holy. What the hell? What the. Where are we? What happened? Oh, no. Oh, I think it's time. It's time to. Oh, my God. It's the motherfucking up ass question of the week from the motherfuckers at Twisted T. We're still. We still haven't landed on the name of this. Of the segment yet. But we were getting closer every week. Oh, my God, we're here. What? Eldis, it's time to keep it twisted. What do we got for the up ass question of the week, man?

[Caller]

Hi, Stuff. I. Oh, and the scene. Gus and Elda.

Thank you.

I'm calling because I have been dating my boyfriend for just under two years. We're about to move in together in like a month. And he's really great. I love him so much. The main problem though, is that he is still friends with his ex wife. And for context, we like. Like he was still married when we first started dating.

[Stavros Halkias]

Keep it.

[Caller]

They were like, kind.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. Keeping it o. Kind of poly. Kind of poly. Wait, she said they're kind of poly. Keep it twisting. Wow.

[Caller]

They were like kind of polyamorous. But then they. A month after we started dating, like, they just decided to get a divorce. Damn. And so he's been divorced for a full year now.

[Ms. Pat]

And

[Caller]

the wife, ex wife, excuse me, lives six blocks away with her new partner, who is a woman that she met at work.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caller]

They're keeping it twisted. And they're still friends. And I'm kind of losing my mind because, like, he goes over to her house and, like, the two of them have, like, a movie night or, like, sometimes, like, go out to the movies with them and their friends, and, like, it's fine in a group setting, but I really. I get so angry when he tells me he's gonna go over and watch

a movie with her or whatever, when

they're gonna hang out. Just the two of them.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And I just want to know, like, if I'm crazy for thinking that way. Like, I. You know, all my friends are girls and gays, and then my therapist is a woman. So I'm really only having, of course, female or female coded perspectives on this. And I just want to know if, you know, maybe there's something I'm missing in the straight male mind that thinks this is. Okay, that's what you're here for.

[Stavros Halkias]

One of the finest straight minds.

[Caller]

Except for this one. Nagging. All right, thanks. St.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. This is a very interesting situation.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Super.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it is. Let's just say many parties have kept it very twisted. Keep it twisted. Many of the parties involved have kept it from the very jump of kind of poly.

[Ms. Pat]

Kind of poly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Kind of poly. You're coming in at the end of that, Right? So let's just start without her, right? Sure. Let's just. Let's piece by piece. Let's break this down. Kind of Polish poly. Insanely twisted. Kind of poly means we're who's gonna cheat on who first, Right. It's like, look, we don't want. We're both cowards. It's when two people both want a relationship to end, but they're too either too cowardly to admit it. So they're like, all right, if we set up a polyamorous relationship without strong guidelines, someone's feelings will get hurt. It will become a problem. It's poly chicken. They are playing poly chicken.

[Ms. Pat]

Do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's happened. Happening. You being the one who broke them up, that's quite twisted, right? Her twist. Her. Did you say that the ex left him for a woman at the same time? Was it simultaneous or was it afterwards? She's currently with a woman. Yeah, right.

[Producer/Assistant]

Didn't she say once they started, like, yeah, okay. It was, like, very soon, like, after they started seeing each other.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's kind of. That's lightly twisted. I mean, I know, let's not. You know, everybody people are gay. I get that. But that's fun. At least if it's not twisted, it's fun that she left. She's, you know, with a woman now. I will now. So ev. Knee jerk, right. They live two blocks away.

[Producer/Assistant]

Blocks away.

[Stavros Halkias]

Twisted. Yeah. Keep it twisted there. Keep it twisted. And cool horns going on outside. Uh, now. There now. Knee jerk. Knee jerk reaction is. This is insane. Yeah. Movie nights, one on one is fucking. Staying friends with your ex is one thing.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hang out in group settings. One thing. The movie nights are fun. Now I will say now again, for a slight type of devil's advocacy here. These are people that were together, even tried an open relationship, and one of them is now dating the opposite sex. Right. Or the same sex in this case, but the opposite sex of whatever. Of usual. Now what's the other lady. Because if they tried being poly and it didn't work and this lady is in a monogamous relationship with a woman and you're in a monogamous relationship with him, most of the time, I would say there's zero percent chance this isn't crazy. There is a. There is a path here where this actually. There is no cheating happening. Yeah. They are people who realized they weren't going to work together. One of them is now a lesbian. Sure. One of them is dating you.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they are very close. And they're kind of gay poly people anyway who like at least lesbians. I don't know if gay guys are this way. They stay friends. Gay guys probably stay friends but also blow each other. Or I don't, I guess, but. So there is actually a weird way where this is actually, you know, it is in some way wholesome. Right. Yeah, I could see that.

[Commercial Announcer]

However,

[Stavros Halkias]

you still are very entitled to your feelings. And if you think. If it makes you uncomfortable, they hang out that much when on one. I mean, it's. There's no gap between your relationship and their relationship. Negative gap. It happened at the same. They were both existing at the same time.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

There wasn't time for them to like, you're not. Here's the thing. This could be a. An elusive, like, you're both right. And nobody's happy situation where he's like, I'm not even this one. What the fuck is your problem? Like, I'm not cheating on you. Why are you always right and he is technically right. If you're not cheating on you and he just is friends with this weird lesbian ex. Yeah, he might be right. You're also not wrong to be like, hey, this might be normal for you. This does not feel good to me. I have some, like, maybe it's something I need to get over, but I don't really like how close you are with your ex. When we, we were, you know, when it was so messy coming out of it. And I'm a little insecure about that. It's also just the specific activity of one on one movie night. It's like the, this classic.

[Ms. Pat]

That's where you go to cheat.

[Stavros Halkias]

To cheat, sure. So are you insecure for other reasons?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? Yeah. Is this relationship. It's just not good. Are you a little insecure because it's that old adage of if you get. Not that this guy technically was cheating, but is there a little. There was. Is there something in you. It wasn't a clean break. Yeah. He came to you under, let's say, nebulous circumstances. Right. Right. Is there part of you that's like. Is there part of you that's like, he did this shit basically with me. Can he do it again? Do it again even if it's not with her? Are you ever going to trust this guy? Is this relationship kind of doomed? Because I was in college, I remember I did date someone where it was a little messy from her last, you know, like, you know, we never, she never cheated on the guy, but it was like, it was a little messy. And I just remember being like, just never fundamentally getting over for sure the weirdness of that. And I've even another relationship where it's like, we started out kind of messy, then we were on a good track for like a whole year, year and a half, but the, the early mess eventually rears its head. Yeah. And if you're, if, if you don't have a stable relationship in every other way to get over that. Yeah. You're kind of fucked. So. Yeah. Is this relationship a little too twisted?

[Ms. Pat]

It's too twisted.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is this like some kind of disgusting competitive beverage? Beverage that's warm and tastes like shit and isn't brewed with real tea, which, by the way, I don't even know. This twisted tea is brewed with real iced tea. 5% per volume, goes down smooth as shit. Okay. No pesky bubbles to stop you from guzzling it. Delicious. On a beautiful. On a beautiful spring day, the end of winter, wherever you may be, you suck down a twisted. An ice cold, twisted tea. Is it that. Is your relationship a delicious twisted tea or is it a disgusting competing brand beverage? You're gonna have to figure that out. Maybe you need to sit down, your boyfriend maybe with a peach twisted tea and discuss your relationship over some twisted teas is what I'm gonna tell you. But you're not wrong. Wrong. But he. If he's not cheating, he's not wrong either. Yeah, but he's weird. He's not wrong. But he's weird. You're not wrong, but you could be a little. Someone could say you're jealous.

[Producer/Assistant]

I believe he's not cheating or even trying to.

[Stavros Halkias]

But if.

[Producer/Assistant]

If this ex is like, hey, me and my new partner want to suck you off. Let's have a threesome. Oh, that he would do it in the hard.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm excited. I just got kind of hard thinking of that. That sounds awesome. And I think you're allowed to be like, hey, no more movie nights. Yeah. No more one on one. Because she's not unreasonable. She's not like, hey, don't see her ever. She's like, look, yeah, she's your friend, whatever. But it's like, come on, man, the fuck we do here?

[Ms. Pat]

Go out to lunch.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I don't. Again, neither one of you might be wrong, but you might just not be compatible. If this is. That. If this drives you that crazy and you're going to have to really get to the bottom of this, you're going to have to decide if this. If this matters to you. And either way. Now, if you break up, drink a sorrowful twisted tea. That's right. And if you decided, you decided to stay together and keep it twisted, drink a celebratory twisted tea. Well, that's the fucked up ass, motherfucking twisted ass question of the week brought to you by Twisted Tea. Remember, folks, keep it twisted, okay? And good luck out there. Good luck out there with your weird, formerly poly boyfriends. We're going Back to the Ms. Pat episode

[Commercial Announcer]

with its two juicy beef patties, three slices of melted cheese and tangy Big Arch sauce. The Big Arch is what happens when you start making a McDonald's burger and never stop. The Big Arch, the most McDonald's McDonald's burger yet for a limited time.

[Ryan Reynolds]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big Wireless. Way too much much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Mint Mobile Advertiser]

of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate, first 3 months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra. See full [e-mail] all right, I'll just couple more.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's do one more and then a

[Caller]

fun one, I guess.

So.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for about six months. Everything has been great between us. We love each other, we click really well. She has mostly been in poly relationships and I have not. And recently her and I have been having some issues in our sex life. And she expressed to me that she would like it if I explore relationships with other women again. Her and I are really happy together. We love each other a lot. But she told me she gets a lot of pleasure and enjoyment out of her partner being with other people. She likes hearing about it. It's kind of a turn on for her. So. Yeah. Do you think this is something that of should explore? I've never been in a polyamorous relationship, so I don't know how to navigate it. Let me know what you think. Love you. Bye.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting question. So these women are in a. In a relationship and one of them wants her. Our caller's girlfriend wants her to date other people.

[Ms. Pat]

I don't know how to answer no Polly. I don't even know nobody named Polly. I come from an era where you don't share your dick and damn near you don't share your vagina, so. And why too two bitches who bump vagina wanna share anything. I don't know why a pussy scratching ain't enough for y' all too. Now she wants to go out here and see you scratch another bitch pussy. You might need to come back to the land of dick. Ma', am, I'm just gonna be honest. She not right. She not treating you right. She just wanna see other bitches eat you out. Just go on on and come on back to the dick. But the crazy part is she sound like the stud in the relationship. But I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we don't know.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you know, she didn't make it clear, did she?

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. If your friend. If your wife wanted to see you, you get freaked out by somebody, y' all nasty. Y' all going to hell. Two times, freaky ass.

[Stavros Halkias]

So the poly thing, that's not interesting to you at all? An open relationship?

[Ms. Pat]

I don't open a relationship. I had gone to real. When you open your relationship, you get STDs.

[Stavros Halkias]

How long you been married? You've been married for 32 years.

[Ms. Pat]

But he didn't give me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he's the he's good.

[Ms. Pat]

The dude who couldn't read gave me the shoe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, interesting. So look, does she have any. Does our caller have any interest in opening this up? Eldest. Has she said anything?

[Producer/Assistant]

It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like she's being, you know, pretty. Not coerced, but she wants to be

[Stavros Halkias]

a trooper, but she's not into it.

[Producer/Assistant]

This is her partner's idea.

[Stavros Halkias]

Her partner's a cuck. A female cuck, basically.

[Ms. Pat]

What's a cuck?

[Stavros Halkias]

Somebody who likes watching their wife or girlfriend get. Oh, yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

So she a white diddy.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's. She has some diddy. She has some diddy elements to her for sure. It sounds like. Yeah, her. Her girlfriend seems to have some light diddy trappings going on.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, look, you got some nasty fans. We don't deal with a child molester. Stanky.

[Stavros Halkias]

A woman being hunted by a child molester. Let's be

[Ms. Pat]

eater.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Ms. Pat]

Get laid.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Ms. Pat]

Another dude that don't know his wife is cheating a booty scratcher. Jesus. White people. I thought black people need to know that y' all have a hard time over here.

[Stavros Halkias]

So look, if you don't want to be in an open relationship, don't do it. You know what I mean? Like, that's answering this.

[Ms. Pat]

Like you a psychiatrist for real, huh? You really into answering these?

[Stavros Halkias]

I like to tell that, yeah. Yeah, we like to make fun of them and then give them a little something. Okay, but you're right.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah, just buy you a dick. Tell the truth. She don't hear all that you talk. Buy you a dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm sure they have purchased plenty of dicks.

[Ms. Pat]

Well, buy you a dick and tell her you don't want to see. You don't want nobody to see you using your dick in Jesus name. Y' all pray. Yeah, get. And is she that freaky bible pocket? Y' all lick it together. That nasty just throwing all over the room.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, listen, you know, that's your other option again. You could go that way or, you know, just stand up for yourself in the relationship. Tell her I don't want to other chicks. And if you guys break, tell her

[Ms. Pat]

you don't want to eat other chicks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Yeah, eat whatever you guy before you ate a.

[Ms. Pat]

That almost killed him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give us something fun to go out on here. Eldis.

[Ms. Pat]

That was fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was pretty good.

[Caller]

Hi, Savvy. Eldest and esteemed guest. I'm gonna need some help. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. We just celebrated our anniversary and he's a short king. I Love him to death. He's hot as. But he's short King. And I can tell it makes him short.

[Ms. Pat]

So white people call short people short kings.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think. I think it cross cultural lines.

[Ms. Pat]

Y' all call y' all women kings and queens.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think it's. It's part. It's the great tradition of white people stealing from black people. I think you guys started with king and queen.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah. So now y' all using king and queen. Black people, they. They don't stole king and queen.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's how it goes. You know how culture works.

[Ms. Pat]

Jesus D. Stole king. Let it play.

[Caller]

Yeah, but he's short, and I can tell it makes him insecure. Like when we take pictures together or we're out and about and, like, a taller guy's checking me out, I can tell it makes him angry. So I'm just curious. Advice for dating short kings. What I can do to help. Should I not say anything? Should I. Should we address. It's not an issue of, like, chemistry or anything like that. I'm just a little bit. A taller girl, so would appreciate any advice you can give. Thank you. Love you guys.

[Ms. Pat]

I'm gonna start this one, ma'. Am. Buy your short king some heels. Or some stilts. 1. Cause nothing like a little bitty angle. Angry ass white man. Oh, what more can you say? I mean, it ain't. It ain't your fault he shout. It's God fault.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's true.

[Ms. Pat]

Or tell him drink milk. That's the biggest lie America ever told us. He need to drink milk. Geez. Oh, you. You can always use them for a tampon.

[Stavros Halkias]

The whole. The whole guy.

[Ms. Pat]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Damn. Well, listen, I have no personal. I don't know why you're calling this show about Danny Shortcut guys. I don't know. I don't understand why you think I would know, But I don't. I mean, look, I never gave a. But that's also kind of my whole thing. I get if you're insecure. If the guy's insecure. I don't know that there's much you can do other than if you're just being, like, a loving girlfriend. Him. And you're not giving attention to other people who are trying to hit on you, then he shouldn't be. This is his problem, and he has to figure it out. Now if he's being a fucking dick about it, if he's, like, you know, overly insecure, being, like, why are you talking to those guys? Or, like, you know, trying to see your phone. If. If it Bleed. If his short insecurity bleeds into the relationship, that's a problem. But if not, all you can do is, I don't know, be supportive.

[Ms. Pat]

And you can always pick up your man and put him on the countertop in the kitchen and suck his penis.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're not going to do better than that. That's going to be the episode, folks. Great advice. Ms. Pat. Season five of the Ms. Pat show on BET plus Amazon, you said as well.

[Ms. Pat]

Amazon Prize, Amazon prime and BET Plus. And Ms. Pat Setters is also over on BET Plus.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep.

[Ms. Pat]

And make sure you go to YouTube and check me out at whisking it all with Ms. Pat at Ms. Pat Comedy CH channel. So come on over to the Internet, YouTube. I'm everywhere. Go to my website, misspat company.com to find out when I'm coming to your city to solve your white problems.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. Identify yourselves as Stav's World listeners. If you go, I think it'll be obvious, and it'll be obvious if people came from this show. And we hope you do. Ms. Pat is so funny. You guys are going to love her. Thank for doing the show. Big fan.

[Ms. Pat]

Now go take out my jug. The suit.

[Stavros Halkias]

See you guys. Talk to you next time.

[Ms. Pat]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

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