#172 - Nick Mullen and Dan Soder

Summary

Stavvy's World #172 – Nick Mullen & Dan Soder (March 16, 2026)

Episode Overview

This episode features Stavros Halkias hosting comedians Nick Mullen and Dan Soder for a laid-back, riff-heavy hang. The trio shares comedic takes on pop culture, British television, childhood nostalgia, advice calls, and deeply unserious solutions to listener dilemmas. The tone is irreverent, quick-witted, and honest, with a focus on absurdity and personal anecdotes.

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Key Discussion Points

Pop Culture Riffing and Childhood Nostalgia

• British TV & Comedy:

  • Discussion on ‘Rad’ (the BMX movie), Aunt Becky’s legal troubles, and British sitcoms (Fawlty Towers, Keeping Up Appearances, Blackadder).
  • Critiques on British television lighting and style:
    “British TV fucked me up because of the lighting. It was always lit different and that to me was like, that’s not TV.” (Dan Soder, 07:24)
  • Mr. Bean and Johnny English—whether they hold up, and their generational appeal.

• Austin Powers Franchise:

  • Riffs on Goldmember’s lack of sexual chemistry due to Beyoncé’s “sanitized” role.
    • “There is a sexual chemistry missing that the first two have because Beyoncé, clearly … she can’t be horny publicly.” (Nick Mullen, 12:21)
  • Alternate casting notes (Colin Quinn as Scott Evil), the falloff in later movies, and early 2000s comedy.
  • Mini-me/Verne Troyer gags and why Mike Myers wanted to use friends in roles.

• Robot Chicken & Seth Green:

  • How playing Scott Evil gave Seth Green the “juice” to launch Robot Chicken.
  • “If you’re not Scott Evil, do you have the juice?” (Nick Mullen, 15:02)

Wild Tangents and Offensive Bits

• British Pedophile Jokes:

  • Gary Glitter, Jimmy Savile, and the dark reality of UK children’s television scandals (04:48–06:52).

• Truck Drivers & Sikh Community:

  • Dashcam videos of Sikh truck drivers involved in highway accidents and cultural stereotypes about chillness and carrying daggers (16:12–18:41).

• X-Men & Edgy Sex Jokes:

  • Riffs about Gambit, Rogue, and the sexual logistics of mutant relationships.
  • “If you bust right away, you’re good.” (Eldest, 41:33)

Listener Advice Segment (63:00+)

1. Mobile Mechanic with Degenerative Disc Disease

• Listener asks if they should change careers due to worsening back problems.
  • “If you’re asking us, should you take a job that is less physically taxing? The answer’s yes, if you have that available.” (Nick Mullen, 65:08)
• Tangent riff: Fantasy about living inside a vacuum cleaner.

2. Dad Dating Late Wife's Friend

• Caller’s conservative dad quickly starts seeing his deceased wife’s (caller’s mom) friend, who is married and a principal at a Catholic school.
  • Panel agrees: It's weird but common, and ultimately not the caller’s business.
  • “Your dad is gonna [sleep with] this lady. It’s also none of your business.” (Nick Mullen & Stavros, 81:31)
  • “Honestly, pump for your dad—and I’ve never met the man.” (Dan Soder, 84:39)

3. Boyfriend with ‘Scat’ Kink Request

• Woman says her boyfriend wants her to defecate and urinate on him.
  • Panel’s advice is skeptical and comedic but lands on open communication and boundaries.
  • “Look, if you don’t want to get [defecated and peed] on, this is not the love.” (Nick Mullen, 95:04)
  • “Do it once, get the information, then you’ll know!” (Nick Mullen, 98:12)

4. Commission Job with Widespread Cheating

• Caller is troubled that coworkers inflate stats.
  • “Stop thinking life is fair. You work in sales. You’re a scumbag.” (Nick Mullen, 105:41)
  • General advice: “Just also start cheating.”

5. What To Do with Grandpa’s Giant Vintage Pornstash

• Caller finds a “mountain” of 100+ vintage porn magazines in her grandfather’s stuff.
  • Panel enthusiastically encourages selling them, jokes about “grading” them like collector cards, and requests a few for the studio.
  • “This is your inheritance!” (Stavros, 114:53)
  • “You should sell this. You will honestly make a killing.” (Nick Mullen, 116:11)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “British TV lighting was always lit different and that to me was like, that’s not TV.” — Dan Soder [07:24]
• “There is a sexual chemistry missing that the first two have, because Beyoncé, clearly … she can’t be horny publicly.” — Nick Mullen [12:21]
• "If you're not Scott Evil, do you have the juice?" — Nick Mullen [15:02]
• “If you don't want to get [defecated and peed] on, this is not the love.” — Nick Mullen [95:04]
• "Stop thinking life is fair. You work in sales. You're a scumbag." — Nick Mullen [105:41]
• "This is your inheritance!" — Stavros [114:53]

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Important Timestamps

• British TV riffing: 02:43–08:13
• Austin Powers discussion: 09:00–13:40
• Robot Chicken and Seth Green: 13:42–15:28
• Sikh truck drivers and cultural bits: 16:09–18:41
• Listener advice & call-ins:
  • Mechanic with back problems: 63:10–66:12
  • Dad dating mom’s friend: 73:02–86:13
  • Boyfriend asks for “scat play”: 87:09–98:12
  • Sales cheating at work: 100:22–106:43
  • Grandpa’s porno collection: 110:42–119:34

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Tone, Running Jokes, and Dynamics

• The show's tone remains strongly irreverent, prankish, and occasionally purposefully offensive.
• Recurrent bits about British pedophilia scandals, anti-British sentiment, and body horror gags (scat, X-Men sex logistics).
• Running inside jokes about drinking non-alcoholic beers, painkiller/kratom use, and the idea of "inheritance" being a stash of pornography.
• Affectionate teasing: The hosts and guests push boundaries but maintain camaraderie.

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Conclusion

This episode is a classic “hang” with comedians riffing on pop culture, recounting stories, and giving unserious but honest advice to listener dilemmas. The episode is structured loosely, with major comedic setpieces built on pop culture (Austin Powers, X-Men, British TV), locker room riffs, and the call-in segment enveloping real and imagined life issues in absurdity.

For listeners, the episode is an energetic collage of bits, nostalgia, and improvised fun. If you've never listened before, it’s a strong representation of the hosts’ comedic sensibility and the show’s freewheeling spirit.

Transcript

[Stavros Halkias]

Loved Jury Duty. Season one we did here at Stavi's World. In fact, we had Edie Monica who was on the show. We've had her on this show. We love her.

[Nick Mullen]

We love the whole thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

And there's a new installment that ups the stakes in season two. Jury Duty presents Company Retreat. The groundbreaking social experiment leaves the courthouse for a corporate retreat in the mountains. Trust falls.

[Nick Mullen]

Anyone?

[Stavros Halkias]

The retreat is for Rockin Grandma's hot Sauce. The company's fake. Everyone's an actor except one guy. He Anthony. That's the setup. Expect bigger laughs and some heartfelt moments that might get those eyes misty. Watch Jury Duty presents Company Retreat streaming on Prime Video March 20.

[Dan Soder]

Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile.

[Eldest]

I don't know if you knew this,

[Dan Soder]

but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying.

[Eldest]

It's not just for celebrities.

[Dan Soder]

So do like I did and have

[Eldest]

one of your assistant's assistants switch you

[Dan Soder]

to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to [e-mail]

[Eldest]

Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3

[Nick Mullen]

month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only, then full price plan options available, taxes

[Eldest]

and fees, extra fee, full [e-mail] hello everyone.

[Nick Mullen]

We have a very very fun show

[Stavros Halkias]

with my old pals Nick Mullen and Dan Sotter coming up right now. And yes, I am parked at a Wawa. But don't worry about that. What I want you to worry about is is the fact that the Dreamboat Tour, the final leg of the Dreamboat Tour is kicking off soon and a lot of the dates are sold out. But we still have tickets for Jacksonville, Atlanta. We just added a second show. Buy those tickets up if you're in the atl.

[Nick Mullen]

What are some other big Rochester Milwaukee?

[Stavros Halkias]

Buy those tickets. And also the Baltimore special taping April 24th and 25th.

[Nick Mullen]

Four shows, three are sold out. There's a few tickets left to the Friday late show. Come be a part of the special taping. We're going to tape all four shows.

[Stavros Halkias]

The best stuff will get into the final product.

[Nick Mullen]

So anyway, enjoy this super fun episode with two of my favorite guys in the world to riff with.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think you're going to have a nice time. See you on the road.

[Nick Mullen]

Opa. Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STOP CALLING will solve your problems. I got my good pals Nick Mullen, Dan Soder on the couch in the makeshift low reside studio.

[Dan Soder]

I feel like I'm in. To do the stunts for Adam, we need a guy that can jump through a wall. All right. Is it union? Union scale.

[Eldest]

All right.

[Dan Soder]

What are you guys going to call me? Some kind of gay and then I'm going to jump through a wall.

[Eldest]

Have you ever seen Rad, the BMX movie? I love you. They didn't even make an attempt to hide that. All of. What's the aunt's name from Full House?

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Eldest]

Becky B. Aunt Becky plays the. Have you seen.

[Dan Soder]

She's the hot girl in Rad.

[Eldest]

Yeah, so rat in Rad.

[Nick Mullen]

Rad is young Aunt Becky show. Interesting.

[Dan Soder]

And Becky was hot. And Becky still is hot.

[Eldest]

She's in prison now.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, she was married to Mossimo. Right? The guy Moso shirts.

[Eldest]

Maybe she's in prison.

[Nick Mullen]

She was the one who did she

[Eldest]

bribed bribing to get her.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but her husband is like the guy that looked at. I think. I think her husband like owned the shirts I wasn't allowed to buy in middle school.

[Eldest]

You weren't allowed to buy Moss?

[Dan Soder]

It was at the Target. It wasn't at Target yet. I was only buying a Target brand. They. They became Target after I got out the game.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, wow.

[Dan Soder]

I wish I would have got.

[Nick Mullen]

I know what you mean, cuz I. I remember buying a Massimo peacoat and being like, I'm rich dude from Target.

[Eldest]

Oh, I thought you said you weren't allowed to buy it. Cuz they were like. Your mom was like, I hate.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, Italians.

[Eldest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

She's like, I don't with fascists. Okay? I was like, what, did grandpa die in the world war? No, he didn't even serve.

[Eldest]

If you don. No, Rad is a BMX movie. And it's like one of those 80s movies where it's like the bad guys come into town with bad bmx.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, yeah, they do evil bmx.

[Eldest]

But Aunt Rachel.

[Dan Soder]

Aunt Becky.

[Eldest]

Aunt Becky has to. Are you sure?

[Dan Soder]

100% positive.

[Nick Mullen]

Becky, for sure.

[Eldest]

Who the is Rachel?

[Dan Soder]

Stamos put twins in her in Full House. I was like, damn right you did.

[Eldest]

Who's. Who's. Who's Aunt Rachel then?

[Nick Mullen]

Is there an Aunt Rachel?

[Dan Soder]

There's a Ms. Rachel.

[Nick Mullen]

Ms. Rachel.

[Eldest]

The full House.

[Dan Soder]

No on Full House was just Aunt Becky.

[Nick Mullen]

Miss Rachel. You know, the child educator who's poisoning our children's minds.

[Dan Soder]

This woman gives all of her time to helping.

[Eldest]

Oh, oh, mis.

[Nick Mullen]

She's the one who's like, Palestinians are children too. And then people are like, not anymore.

[Dan Soder]

Piece of. Now they're targets.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

For this complicated weapons.

[Nick Mullen]

Imagine how working with your moral pieces. You have to be. To see that lady and be like, she is my enemy. The nicest woman you've ever seen in your life.

[Dan Soder]

Just like a guy throwing a knife at a wall back in the day about Mr. Rogers. Taking your shoes off when you come in the house. Kind of queer shit.

[Nick Mullen]

Is that Mr. Motherfucking Rogers. Shout out to him. Not having any creepy.

[Dan Soder]

Thank God, dude, the one in England got caught fucking all.

[Eldest]

That's more of an English thing rather than a children's entertainer.

[Dan Soder]

That's the spoil of being British.

[Nick Mullen]

Who was he? Gary Glitter? That's.

[Dan Soder]

No, he was. He was the one that did the. The stadium music. Yeah, that was such a bad.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, but he's also a pedophile.

[Dan Soder]

But no, he's such a bad pedophile. He got kicked out of Thailand.

[Eldest]

Jimmy Seville.

[Dan Soder]

Jimmy. Yeah, yeah. And he was like.

[Stavros Halkias]

He got kicked out of Thailand.

[Dan Soder]

Glitter.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, my God.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, that's like. That's like when Homer gets kicked out of the Chinese buffet or the all you can eat seafood buffet.

[Nick Mullen]

Dude, that's incredible.

[Dan Soder]

Take off.

[Nick Mullen]

Who, who?

[Dan Soder]

That man over there. He's doing. He's doing three to a lap. He's got a six pack on his lap.

[Nick Mullen]

Dude, that guy just. That guy just thought like the Epstein's were. The Epstein list was about sellouts. He was like. He's like, nah, man, I'm not for all that corporate pedophilia. I'm in the jungles of Thailand getting kicked out.

[Dan Soder]

The farm to table gave the penis to my mouth. Oh, you guys went mainstream with that Epstein. Oh, you're hanging out.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, now, pet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Now even the Jews get pedophilia.

[Nick Mullen]

They don't get I need you.

[Dan Soder]

I need to eat monkey brains before I get sucked off by a kid.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, shout out. Actually, no, no shout out to Gary Glitter.

[Dan Soder]

Painful death.

[Nick Mullen]

I'm going to say no shout out to Gary Glitter.

[Dan Soder]

But Jimmy Savile was like the. Wasn't he like British Mr. Rogers?

[Nick Mullen]

I don't think he was quite Mr. Rogers. I think he was like. But he wasn't like pure Willy Wonka type. Yeah, yeah, he was.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, just Pratt Falls.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, didn't he do. I feel like every. All of British television is just like. Like a different gay. Like a different gay guy or like a different guy that might not be gay. Just barely host, like having a dinner party because they're all. That's.

[Dan Soder]

Every British.

[Nick Mullen]

Every British show is like those panel shows, they're like, oh, you know, I've

[Eldest]

only seen the sitcoms.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, they have like those sit down shows. Who's taking.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, like Graham Norton, where he's like, oh, that one.

[Eldest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But they all look like they're at a. Like a airport lounge.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That looks like a pretty fun show. It's always like. It's always like Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts.

[Dan Soder]

It's like, it's like our elite A list.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Then a guy that I've never seen from Britain that everyone loves.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. He's on some sitcom about, like, gardening. That's been on British TV forever.

[Dan Soder]

British TV fucked me up because of the lighting. It was always lit different and that to me was like, that's not tv. Yeah, like, shit.

[Eldest]

I never.

[Nick Mullen]

All I watched was. There was one show in a. In a like, hotel store. The hotel too?

[Eldest]

No, 40 towers is the bed and breakfast, right? I think that's a department store.

[Nick Mullen]

Is it a hotel? I watched that and I thought, what's his face from Monty Python was in it.

[Dan Soder]

John Cleese.

[Nick Mullen]

But it wasn't just some different British guy.

[Dan Soder]

Damn.

[Nick Mullen]

And I remember, like bragging, being like, I know about British and showing it to someone being like, check it out. This show. John Cleese is always on.

[Eldest]

I've never watched any. I've watched maybe one episode of the British Office and then a lot of Keeping up appearances, but that's it. Outside of that, I haven't seen any of them. I don't know what Black adder is.

[Nick Mullen]

It's Mr. Bean.

[Eldest]

Oh, is it?

[Dan Soder]

No, Mr. Bean. It.

[Eldest]

Well, I would like to go back because I. I was thinking about Mr. Bean in my head the other day and I'm like, that has. It has to be. No, I watched it now. It has to suck.

[Dan Soder]

Well, it's like Mr. Magoo.

[Nick Mullen]

I watched it.

[Dan Soder]

Mr. Magoo. Yeah, he like almost falls and shit. Mr. Bean just gets himself into situations and facial expressions.

[Eldest]

The one I remember is him going around his house, like, using a gun to turn.

[Nick Mullen]

To turn the lights off.

[Dan Soder]

But that's just funny. He does. I think it would hold up. I think.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Court testimony against him. They just play that back. Is this you?

[Eldest]

Well, it's crazy because he had so much success with Mr. Bean and they let him do that one spy movie and they're like, we've had enough of this guy.

[Nick Mullen]

Well, there was Rat Race where he was also pretty much Mr.

[Eldest]

He was Mr. Bean in that.

[Nick Mullen]

And then, yeah, they made him like, Johnny English sexy.

[Eldest]

They did Johnny English.

[Nick Mullen]

And it's funny because Johnny English is like very. I think it would catch on now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because what it.

[Nick Mullen]

You know what it was? It was kind of like Tim Allen core where it's like, these young guys don't know. It was kind of a boomer. A boomer spy thing where it's like. Like somebody had hacked computers so he had to use analog stuff. So they're like, we have a hybrid car for you. You know, Johnny English, he's like, what am I a fucking homo? Give me a fucking road. Yeah. And he. He asked for the old school, like, you know, muscle car or whatever. I don't know, whatever British car. And they're like. And it doesn't get hacked or something? I don't know. I saw like five minutes of it.

[Eldest]

That's way more information than I had on Johnny.

[Nick Mullen]

I believe that's what happens in Johnny.

[Eldest]

I imagine it because it came out at the same time as Austin Powers, which was so much better.

[Nick Mullen]

No, did it?

[Eldest]

Yeah, it's the same general like a 20 year window.

[Dan Soder]

20 years for a British spy in

[Nick Mullen]

my life in like 2000 something.

[Eldest]

Yeah, that's three.

[Nick Mullen]

2003.

[Eldest]

When did gold member come out? 2002 gold number. Gold member's got to be like 2002.

[Nick Mullen]

But gold member sucks. No, we re watched it. Gold Member. Actually the best part, you can't.

[Eldest]

Mr. Bean holds up without checking and

[Dan Soder]

then say Goldman into Gold Member is crazy.

[Nick Mullen]

The first two are great.

[Dan Soder]

Spy who Shagged Me. A regular awesome power Spy who shag me. The fall off, which is the one

[Eldest]

with mini me where there's the silhouette and he's got the penis.

[Dan Soder]

I think that's Gold Member that.

[Eldest]

That's one of the. That's one of the gagging too though.

[Nick Mullen]

But that.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but that also does that scene

[Eldest]

where he goes where they. There's one lab coat and he goes. One of us is gonna have to get on the other shoulders. And he's got the tiny legs.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, that is.

[Eldest]

That's one of the funniest things anything anyone's ever.

[Nick Mullen]

But I will tell you, the problem with Goldmember is that Beyonce, very clearly there was a note that's like, she can't be horny publicly. Why on the other one do they

[Dan Soder]

think it was going to cause chaos?

[Nick Mullen]

I don't know. But the other two, it's such a horny. It's a sexy.

[Dan Soder]

Black women won't be in this British fox.

[Eldest]

You should be like a scary animal.

[Dan Soder]

No, no, no, you don't understand. She can be like sexual and go. She can't. Yeah, that's how you get more of them.

[Nick Mullen]

It's gonna scare everybody.

[Dan Soder]

She's horny. And one scene, the next they know there's eight of them.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the next.

[Nick Mullen]

The British were too racist against Beyonce in 2003.

[Dan Soder]

You guys need to turn this down. They lay eggs like spiders. If she's horny, we could have nine Beyonce's by the end of this filming.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think Sam.

[Dan Soder]

So bad.

[Nick Mullen]

What if one guy.

[Eldest]

What if Beyonce was really stupid and she hated Michael Myers but she thought all the characters were different people.

[Dan Soder]

No. That's funny. She goes out to you.

[Eldest]

So she was like fucking fat Bastard.

[Dan Soder]

That's really.

[Eldest]

And she thought it was a secret between them.

[Dan Soder]

Ye. And then Michael Myers just thought she was kinky. Mike Myers was just like, she's crazy.

[Eldest]

Tried to her as Dr. Evil. And she's like, what?

[Nick Mullen]

You know, what are you doing? I'm dating fat bastard.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

She doesn't know it.

[Dan Soder]

Movies.

[Nick Mullen]

We're all co workers here.

[Dan Soder]

Mike Myers is like the pussy. So good. I go through three hours of prosthetics. He's got to sit there. He's got to be lectured by a Navy SEAL on how to withstand torture. To Beyonce.

[Nick Mullen]

Jim Carrey. Right?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. That was like wrench.

[Nick Mullen]

He actually hated it.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I will.

[Nick Mullen]

There is a sexual chemistry missing that the first two have because Beyonce, clearly this was like her. She. She wants to be in a big franchise. She wants to be a movie star. But it's that thing that happens sometimes when it's like very famous people try and sanitize that shit.

[Dan Soder]

Sure.

[Nick Mullen]

So it's like clearly they have this weird non sexual relationship and it. That zaps Austin completely.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

He actually has lost his mojo more

[Dan Soder]

in gold member to interracial dating.

[Nick Mullen]

Because. Yeah, because. Yeah, for whatever. Yeah, because. But the first two are.

[Eldest]

Which is the one where he's got the car.

[Dan Soder]

That's the first one.

[Eldest]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

That was also amazing. I mean, amazing. The bits in that.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Also it up. Austin Powers for me is like the same thing. When you find out Eddie Murphy was supposed to be in Ghostbusters, you find out Colin. Mike Myers wrote Scott Evil for Colin Quinn.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Which is so funny.

[Dan Soder]

I didn't know. That makes so much more sense. He turned it down.

[Nick Mullen]

I want to be a part of this game.

[Dan Soder]

I think what he told me is he was like, I don't know. I got something going on. And Mike Myers like, I want to put you in this movie. He's like, I don't know. But it would have been so much funnier.

[Nick Mullen]

It would have been as a 30

[Dan Soder]

year old guy from Brooklyn being like, I don't know. I love you, dad.

[Nick Mullen]

It makes so much. The character makes so much more sense if he's older.

[Dan Soder]

If he's like, I can just go get my gun, come down here, we shoot them both.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Like, that's so much funnier to me.

[Nick Mullen]

Do you think if now would we have ever gotten Robot Chicken without Seth Green's juice?

[Dan Soder]

He was doing fine. Seth Green was in Airborne, the rollerblading movie.

[Eldest]

Was he in comedy movies before Austin Powers? I think he was. He was on Buffy.

[Dan Soder]

He was on Buffy, but he was doing. He was Seth Green.

[Nick Mullen]

Was that what we were using the N word?

[Eldest]

But was he. Was he like a comedy guy before that?

[Dan Soder]

He was what?

[Nick Mullen]

I feel like he's. He's that teen movie where he's pretending to be like a Sagalo style white rapper.

[Dan Soder]

Yo, Special K. Can you tell Rapping so much. I will. I'll pull the rings.

[Nick Mullen]

Can you tell him to just be like, look, Sagala, I need this week, Max.

[Dan Soder]

I need. I need to. Caesar Milanum. I go, hey, too many bars. Get 32 bars a month.

[Nick Mullen]

It's so awesome. He legit wants to be a white rapper.

[Eldest]

I didn't know this was happening.

[Nick Mullen]

Dude, he's the. He is good. He's technically good at. But you got to do those out slower.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Distribution.

[Nick Mullen]

Just from a friend, friend to friend, I'm rooting for him.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, but you're talking about. Can't hardly wait.

[Nick Mullen]

Can't hardly wait.

[Dan Soder]

Great movie.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he. I feel like he was like a supporting comedic. Like, teen.

[Eldest]

Yeah, but not like an over the top.

[Nick Mullen]

No, probably not. Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

But Robot Chicken rules. So you think that happens because of Austin Bowers?

[Nick Mullen]

He's got a lot of juice. I'm saying if. If you're not Scott Evil, do you have the juice?

[Eldest]

Probably not.

[Nick Mullen]

I don't think.

[Eldest]

Wouldn't trust him.

[Nick Mullen]

So unfortunately for Colin, you know, we

[Dan Soder]

would have got a couple more tough crowds.

[Nick Mullen]

That's interesting. Honestly, I would rather have Colin done it. And Robot Chicken really is the thing that you watch when the thing on Adult Swim that you actually wanted to watch was over.

[Dan Soder]

American Dad's over.

[Nick Mullen]

I'll watch seven minutes of It's Fun. Robot Chicken.

[Dan Soder]

Well, yeah, I watch Optimus prime, you know.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. In therapy.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. I don't know why I was touched.

[Dan Soder]

I want to go back and watch Gold Member, though, to see Beyonce have no sexual chemistry.

[Nick Mullen]

You should watch it and report back. And honestly, we all thought we watched it on the bus. It was the final movie we watched the end of the Tom the Driver tour. Yeah, the driver. The driver.

[Dan Soder]

What's going on?

[Eldest]

Looking back, the cops are like. So you were watching Goldmember?

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

There's no sexual chemistry.

[Eldest]

80 dead.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Fucking Stav's gonna get Tracy Morgan. But it's by a company with no money.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, dude. Fuck. Suck you're.

[Dan Soder]

They're going to sue you. Yeah, they're like, we got him, dude. For.

[Eldest]

I've been loving these. These dash cam videos of the seek truck drivers.

[Nick Mullen]

I haven't been following what's going on.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, man.

[Eldest]

There's like three accidents now where. The first one was hilarious. It's like the seat guy just tries to make a U turn on the highway.

[Dan Soder]

It's crazy.

[Nick Mullen]

Semi.

[Eldest]

And then his buddy is just in the truck for some reason. I didn't know you were allowed to bring your friend with you overseas truck driving.

[Dan Soder]

From what I've watched on the Internet, it's a buddy system.

[Eldest]

Well, they. They do that here. There's a Sikh guy and he's like just trying to make an illegal U turn on the highway and. Yeah. And he turns from the right hand lane on the. And then the Vinnie Van comes through and decapitates like the whole family. And it goes under and he's just like,

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Eldest]

And there's been a couple more where they just kill like a hundred people.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

In a big pile up.

[Nick Mullen]

Just. Why? Just.

[Dan Soder]

I think.

[Eldest]

I don't know. You've met Seek guys are all like, just so chill.

[Nick Mullen]

They are pretty chill.

[Eldest]

I think they're maybe too chill to drive a semi.

[Nick Mullen]

That's true. They are chill. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Is it. Are they the ones that carry the sword?

[Stavros Halkias]

Dagger? Yes, it's a dagger.

[Nick Mullen]

Every Sikh guy is a warrior.

[Eldest]

You know what I found out recently? You know, Yemeni guys, they have that thing in their belt. It's a. It's a sword. I thought it was a paintbrush in

[Dan Soder]

case they just had to bust out.

[Nick Mullen]

It looks like a paint or baste some chicken.

[Eldest]

If you look at.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, I was. I was trying to baste a roast recently and I didn't have a brush. I was pissed off.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, well, that's why they got that thing on.

[Nick Mullen]

I would love to glaze. I want to do an egg wash over a. I made some Greek yogurt bagels and I had no paintbrush. It pissed me off. So I might start doing that.

[Eldest]

We get end up getting the painting

[Nick Mullen]

through egg washes and buttering.

[Dan Soder]

Have you watched? Have you watched Stavros watercolor a biscuit.

[Eldest]

Just going to Home Depot to get the long roller to do a buffet.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I can see

[Eldest]

at a restaurant while it's coming to you from the kitchen.

[Dan Soder]

Whoa, sir, sir, sir. You're messing with my balance.

[Eldest]

You're hitting the expo from your booth.

[Dan Soder]

What I like is Stavros goes to the action.

[Nick Mullen]

So they have a sword, huh?

[Eldest]

Many guys, they have. Well, Sikhs.

[Nick Mullen]

Do Sikhs have a dagger?

[Dan Soder]

Where do they keep it?

[Nick Mullen]

I think, like, here.

[Dan Soder]

They got that thing on this.

[Nick Mullen]

From under.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, that would be cool.

[Dan Soder]

Or in their sleeves. That's. Yeah, it's like a James Bond villain.

[Nick Mullen]

That is. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Or Austin Powers villain.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Will Ferrell. And he was wearing a turban. Was he?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, no, he's wearing a Fez.

[Nick Mullen]

Fez.

[Dan Soder]

Little caps.

[Nick Mullen]

What was it? What? Why did a. So there. Why do the Shriners. Who are the Shriners? And why did they have fezes? Because Fez is Morocco, right?

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

That's like a pretty small.

[Eldest]

And then they drive the tiny cars. I only know the jokes from the Simpsons. I don't know.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, me too. That's the only reason. That's the only Shriners.

[Dan Soder]

Is that the one with the. I thought that's the one with the kids.

[Eldest]

There used to be three of them. And then the youngest one just murdered his father.

[Dan Soder]

Which.

[Eldest]

The Shriners there was Carl and Rob. No, no, no, no, no.

[Nick Mullen]

Shrivers.

[Eldest]

And the youngest one, I think.

[Dan Soder]

I thought you were talking about those kids, Reiner.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh.

[Eldest]

Oh, dude.

[Dan Soder]

In my mind, I thought you were talking about the sick kids that. Come on. Who are those commercials? Those are Shriners.

[Eldest]

Didn't we talk about that at one point? Because they're. Yeah, the sick kids. And then they had that. St. Jude's Hospital.

[Dan Soder]

That's what I thought they had.

[Eldest]

One of the guys. One of the kids, like, was this amazing presenter.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

And so it came off like. It was very, like, uncanny watching this boy who's, like, disabled be like, we need all the support.

[Dan Soder]

He still does it.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

That's cursory us this Christmas.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

He's got, like, that voice that's, like, slightly handicapped.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Where he's like, like, don't forget this Christmas.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And you go, I don't. I don't.

[Eldest]

Like, he could be doing. He could be doing the Golden Globes.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, they should.

[Eldest]

He's like Barack Obama. He has that level of charisma.

[Nick Mullen]

Real quick. What have you been typing over there? Because you look like you're doing stuff. We asked eight fucking Questions. God forbid you look up one thing.

[Caller/Researcher]

Wait, what?

[Eldest]

Shrivers.

[Dan Soder]

Shriners.

[Nick Mullen]

Wait, what? Shrivers.

[Caller/Researcher]

I looked up. I looked up the Will Ferrell fest.

[Dan Soder]

That's the thing.

[Nick Mullen]

You looked up the thing we KN. About Shriners. You. What Is that from Austin Powers? No. What the have you been doing?

[Eldest]

It's the Simpsons.

[Dan Soder]

I don't want to sit on this.

[Nick Mullen]

You're a idiot.

[Dan Soder]

I looked up Maria Shriver.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, yeah. Shout out to her.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. That kid, though, you're right. He does have Obama. Like, if you could save me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

We need all the help we can get. He's in, like, one of those high wheelchairs.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

They just. They stack them up. That seems unsafe to be that stacked. Yeah. They're always, like, way up here, and then it's like half the wheelchair is like battery, I guess.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Half man, half machine.

[Nick Mullen]

You're kind of strapped in almost.

[Eldest]

I don't know why they didn't do that. From the beginning with wheelchair. I changed my mind. They should have big wheels, and they should all be eye level. Should be 6, 2 if you're in a wheelchair.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that's. That's very.

[Eldest]

People would respect disabled people more. We wouldn't have needed Covid.

[Dan Soder]

I think they fear them.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Because you could be. You could crush a foot with your big ass.

[Eldest]

You should be like the black guy from Twisted Metal.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

I don't know.

[Eldest]

Axel, he's got. He's a black guy with wheels. His arms.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, he has wheels his arms.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

There's no Sweet Tooth Clown. Yeah.

[Eldest]

The ice cream truck one.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. He's the most popular from that.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. He's a. He's icon. He's definitely an icon.

[Eldest]

They had.

[Nick Mullen]

They made a Twisted Metal on Peacock. Shout out to Mike Mitchell, friend of the pod. He's on it.

[Eldest]

A show stuff.

[Nick Mullen]

Who doesn't feel like he's in the games? Just a guy named Stu.

[Eldest]

Well, they have. They made a game in a long

[Nick Mullen]

time, but they made a show that

[Dan Soder]

was like the first PlayStation game, PlayStation 1 play Toast Metal.

[Nick Mullen]

It scared me. I was literally like, he's evil. His head's on fire, because. I know. Sweet Tooth. His. His backstory is that, like, his head was on fire because of Satan or something. And then he got. He got cured. And the. The priest who cured him or whoever cured him was like, okay.

[Eldest]

They changed it up because I played twisted metal 1 and 2, and then black and black was like the goth one.

[Nick Mullen]

Okay.

[Eldest]

They're all in a mental institution.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, interesting. Well, he would have to him. Is he Gets the cure. And then they're like, all right, you can have the cure now. The only down. The only thing is you can't kill anyone else. And then Sweetie was like, so I killed him. I could never not kill. And I was like. I was like, oh, my God, this man is pure. You're evil. He was cured and he killed the guy who saved him.

[Dan Soder]

Would you have friends pick him? And you're like, don't do that.

[Nick Mullen]

I'd be like scared as. And honestly, I was. I was not like young either. I was like 12 or 13.

[Eldest]

This was last year old to be scared.

[Dan Soder]

Were your dad's disappointed by your fear? What the are you afraid of? Dude, it's a clown.

[Eldest]

I remember in the second one you could blow cubes. Blow up the Eiffel Tower.

[Dan Soder]

Really?

[Eldest]

That was cool. In the second one.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, Take that frame.

[Eldest]

There was a trick to do it. Yeah, no, that was the best part.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eldest]

It's like there was a co. Why

[Dan Soder]

did we ever do to anybody? They always get picked on to the point that they're like, we lost World War II very badly.

[Eldest]

Yeah. But they like gave up World War II. And then the Nazis came. Yeah, the Nazis came in and the British were like, please fight the Nazis. And the French.

[Nick Mullen]

And the French were holding their open. They were in the middle of bending over and being like, put it in here.

[Eldest]

Yeah, they.

[Dan Soder]

Because of that, you can go step

[Nick Mullen]

right into my asshole as you want.

[Eldest]

Europe would have been fucking lost.

[Caller/Researcher]

Lost.

[Eldest]

If it was.

[Dan Soder]

It was.

[Eldest]

Was it Dunkirk?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

And that, you know, they could have. The Germans could have just killed the rest of the British. But it was the French that like

[Nick Mullen]

gave up before that ass.

[Dan Soder]

Damn.

[Nick Mullen]

And then they just became.

[Eldest]

Then they became Nazis.

[Nick Mullen]

They're like, oh, we're. I guess we're Nazis now. That's why all their is still there. That's why all their cool isn't. Bombed England had a bunch of cool, but they were like, you German. I do respect.

[Eldest]

The more.

[Nick Mullen]

Honestly, the older I get, the more I respect these. Except for, you know, Jimmy Seville. Except for Jimmy Seville.

[Eldest]

After finding out about Jerry Seville and Gary Glitter. I respect the British.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, no, that's not what makes me respect.

[Dan Soder]

They're focused on a goal.

[Nick Mullen]

I do not respect them because of their two notable pedophiles.

[Eldest]

What you said.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. It seems like what Nick and I

[Nick Mullen]

are picking up I don't really respect.

[Eldest]

You said the only mark against the British is that is putting Beyonce in the beloved Austin Power series with sexual. Which has ruined the sexual Elements of

[Dan Soder]

the movie when it was.

[Eldest]

When it was a chain smoking British whore. I said, I can jack off this.

[Nick Mullen]

I stand by that sentiment. It did ruin the sexual element of Austin Powers when it was a raspy

[Eldest]

skeleton covered in nicoderm patches. I could jack off today.

[Nick Mullen]

A red bone woman. No, no. Beyonce is.

[Eldest]

What is this, Pocahontas?

[Nick Mullen]

It's not about her body. And I would like to say both Heather Graham and the other bitch, Heather. Who's the first one?

[Eldest]

Elizabeth.

[Nick Mullen]

Elizabeth Hurley.

[Dan Soder]

Hurley.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Both of them are also hot. Okay.

[Eldest]

When I see her, it makes me want to. Elizabeth Hurley. I started Elizabeth Hurley.

[Dan Soder]

Hurley.

[Eldest]

Because she's so disgusting.

[Nick Mullen]

Because she's a woman.

[Eldest]

She's. No, because you're gay.

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Nick Mullen]

That's what you also do whenever you see no Elizabeth hurl.

[Dan Soder]

No. Show me that. I'm about the Elizabeth Hurley.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, guys, outside. Nick's gonna go have sex with him. Sorry, guys. Nick's boyfriend. Nick's boyfriend.

[Eldest]

There was women outside. There was women out there.

[Dan Soder]

He's back in. The seeks are after him.

[Eldest]

There was no guys.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, we cut the camera. Nick sucked eight guys off and then we cut it back on. I'll just go back and make it look like a cut, please. Mark. Mark that.

[Dan Soder]

He got acid reflux because of all the com. He's gonna be perfect.

[Nick Mullen]

Goddamn. Yeah. So. Yep. Austin Bowers first to hold up.

[Stavros Halkias]

If your team is still operating like a group chat with commitment issues, that's a problem, huh?

[Nick Mullen]

Nothing kills momentum faster than an opportunity

[Stavros Halkias]

slipping through the cracks because everyone assumed someone else was on it. Eventually you look at the chaos, sigh and think, let's effing Quo. That's why today's episode is brought to you by. Quo, spelled Q U O.

[Nick Mullen]

The smarter way to run your business.

[Stavros Halkias]

Communications. It's easy. Calls, text, voicemails, transcripts, and contact details, all live in one clean view. Your entire team can handle calls and texts from one shared number. No more missed messages or disconnected conversations. It's why more than 90,000 businesses rely on quo to stay connected, professional and consistently reachable. Make this the time where no opportunity and no customer slips away. Try quo for free. Plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.comstavi that's q-uo.comstavi quo. No missed calls, no missed customers.

[Nick Mullen]

Loved Jury Duty season one.

[Stavros Halkias]

We did here at Stavi's World. In fact, we had Edie Monica, who was on the show. We've had her on this show. We love her.

[Nick Mullen]

We love the whole thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

And there's a new installment that ups the stakes in season two. Jury Duty presents Company Retreat. The groundbreaking social experiment leaves the courthouse for a corporate retreat in the mountains. Trust falls.

[Nick Mullen]

Anyone?

[Stavros Halkias]

The retreat is for Rockin Grandma's hot sauce. The company's fake. Everyone's an actor except one guy, Anthony. That's the setup. Expect bigger laughs and some heartfelt moments that might get those eyes misty. Watch. Jury Duty presents Company Retreat. Streaming On Prime Video March 20.

[Nick Mullen]

I don't remember what else we were fucking talking about. What's going on with you, Dan?

[Dan Soder]

We're like, dude, we're due to flee.

[Nick Mullen]

Are you going to be.

[Dan Soder]

Because of Mom? Donnie. What? You both did. You both. Well, you both brought him into my city. I guess he's an Eric Adams guy.

[Eldest]

He's Jeffrey Epstein's son. Did you see?

[Dan Soder]

They go wire Bill Clinton, Jimmy Epstein at his wrist. And you go, he's Muslim, dude.

[Eldest]

MAGA is just saying it's anything now. Dude, people, it's just anything. I mean, that's crazy.

[Nick Mullen]

They were sending.

[Eldest]

They were. Oh, Mom, Donnie's dad, pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. What's that based on? Absolutely nothing.

[Dan Soder]

Did you ever see Luke? Who's talking? Well, Jeffrey Epstein was the John Travolta character that came in and raised Zoron.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

No, John Travolta would have been his real dad. Would be John Travolta. No, the old guy would be the real dad. The real dad.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, the old guy. So Epstein would be.

[Nick Mullen]

They're saying he's. They're saying it's actually his real dad.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Hats off. Christie Alley in the beginning, which is. That's the whole opening scene is him. Nothing in her. Isn't that crazy, is it?

[Nick Mullen]

Nut is a cum shot. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

The whole opening scene of look who's Talking is just him busting in Cristiality.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. And then you see the jizz go in the.

[Dan Soder]

His ass quivering was in the original.

[Eldest]

Oh, does the. Does the Giz have sunglasses on? Talking cool.

[Nick Mullen]

Jizz. That's the one you know is going to make it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it's Bruce Willis.

[Eldest]

They offered Colin the role of the

[Dan Soder]

jizz because, you know, I don't know, I'd prefer probably, you know, running down a thigh.

[Eldest]

45 minutes of jizz explaining the Declaration of Independence.

[Dan Soder]

You know, we the people. Which is interesting because they had people working for them. This. This sperm knows a lot about American history.

[Eldest]

Yeah, it's called talking. Come on.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, that.

[Eldest]

Good movie.

[Nick Mullen]

Look who's Talking, by the way, great franchise.

[Dan Soder]

They moved it to the dogs. They made the dogs sentient beings.

[Eldest]

I never saw look who's talking.

[Nick Mullen]

I remember that as a youth. Yeah. That was Kirsty Alley's like.

[Dan Soder]

What's funny is the second one, the little girl is Roseanne. So I would, I would rather them if they reboot that. They better re. Keep Roseanne and let her go off script.

[Nick Mullen]

Let her go off script? Yeah, yeah.

[Eldest]

Oh, I, I was confused. I thought you meant a young Roseanne was playing a child.

[Dan Soder]

No, no, a voiceover of a baby.

[Nick Mullen]

Bruce Willis was the first and then

[Dan Soder]

he came back for the sequel and his little sister was voiced by Roseanne.

[Eldest]

Now Bruce Willis has like really bad Alzheimer's.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. What's going on?

[Eldest]

Filming him in a wheelchair, wherever he is.

[Dan Soder]

I bet one of.

[Eldest]

And then having a baby. Do the voice.

[Dan Soder]

It's a trillion dollar seven. I don't want that one.

[Nick Mullen]

He's like this.

[Eldest]

And it's called Help. Who's talking?

[Stavros Halkias]

I want pudding.

[Eldest]

Yeah, I want pudding.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have a poop in my pants and I want pudding.

[Dan Soder]

And Demi Moore signed off on this. The kids and Demi signed off on this.

[Nick Mullen]

I believe they did.

[Dan Soder]

I believe Help who's Talking is so funny. I think it's his wife that that's doing it.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, that's. Honestly, if you're. Look, it's not good but like rich as hell with dementia. It's like you get to be a baby.

[Eldest]

I think about Jack Nicholson all the time. Every day I check to see if he's dead yet. Cuz if he's not, he's just like in a room somewhere with tits watching movies.

[Dan Soder]

Do you see when he pops up

[Nick Mullen]

but he eats like meatball subs, gets his dick sucked.

[Dan Soder]

Do you see when he pops up and his hair's wide and he's like.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, it's kind of the best way to die. Like he. And by the way going senile. It's nicer than knowing what's going on. Well, you don't worry about the future.

[Eldest]

I think the best way to die is probably being killed by an Israeli F35 while you're shooting up a synagogue.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that could probably make.

[Nick Mullen]

Mullen's views are not representative of Stavi's

[Dan Soder]

world after that then it's rich.

[Eldest]

Yeah, but you know, screaming, screaming talk beer while shooting up a synagogue. And then you get drone strike.

[Dan Soder]

The. The Equalizer about dementia is everybody gets to be Bruce Willis.

[Eldest]

Is that the premise of the movie

[Nick Mullen]

of the Equalizer is the.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it's dementia.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, it's actually. Forgets where he is.

[Dan Soder]

Denzel's just a regular black guy that went crazy or he just lost it and they told him that he was a badass.

[Eldest]

Do you know where the hell I am?

[Dan Soder]

He goes, you're not my son.

[Eldest]

You know where I am, Jake.

[Nick Mullen]

Where the hell.

[Eldest]

You know where I am?

[Dan Soder]

I don't know where I am.

[Nick Mullen]

Jake.

[Dan Soder]

I'm very lost.

[Nick Mullen]

Where's Jake? He's at Home Depot, where he works. Where's Jake?

[Eldest]

Where's Jake?

[Dan Soder]

I didn't know you like to get wet. Yeah, Maurice, do not talk to me like that. He's just sitting the checkout, girl. I didn't know you liked it.

[Eldest]

What's the one where he's the bodyguard for the little girl?

[Dan Soder]

Man on fire.

[Eldest]

Man on Fire.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I wish you had more time, but he's insane.

[Nick Mullen]

Shout out to Creasy.

[Eldest]

That movie's good.

[Nick Mullen]

That movie's incredible. Incredible, dude. That movie's incredible. And the, like, la. Like, if you really want to just put your nuts on the table, just go ahead and skip the first hour

[Eldest]

of Just Watch On Fire.

[Nick Mullen]

Just watch.

[Dan Soder]

Watch him go off.

[Nick Mullen]

Just watch him do revenge, dude. Although the. The him and the scenes with him and Christopher Walken.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

So good.

[Dan Soder]

That's where Christopher Walken, though, gave up. It started becoming the.

[Eldest]

I told you my name isn't Jake. Yeah, I've told you a million times.

[Nick Mullen]

We were in CIA together.

[Dan Soder]

Does your daughter know you're out of. You wander down here, I can show you the ring cam.

[Eldest]

You're telling me a little girl went

[Dan Soder]

missing and you're gonna fight the cartel? You work in the lumberyard of Home Depot. He's just a mishmash. Jake. He's doing the Jake thing again.

[Eldest]

Yeah. Yeah. What if I am the guy who knows who Jake is?

[Dan Soder]

You might have been a former enemy. And now I'm keeping secrets from you. Yeah, Christopher Walken's like Pacino. He gave up in one movie. Like, I forget which movie it is.

[Nick Mullen]

It's not man on Fire. He's good at. Man.

[Eldest]

I don't think Pacino actually gave up. I was. I rewatched the Irishman the other day.

[Nick Mullen]

He's great in that and.

[Eldest]

Well, he's great in everything. But I watched the, like, special features for the Irishman, and they have, like, a roundtable that's like De Niro and Pacino and Pesci. Pesci, yeah, and Scorsese, and they're all talking, and I guess I've never seen Al Pacino just hanging out, but he's like kind of like shy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, oh, that is a performance. I thought he just did himself. But.

[Nick Mullen]

But the best part about him is he's still nutting inside a 20. Whatever.

[Dan Soder]

You're like, he just had a baby.

[Nick Mullen]

He just had a 28 year old. It's crazy. You're still nutting raw dogging.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

He was talking about how he texts his son. He's like, sometimes I text him. He's a baby.

[Dan Soder]

That's crazy. When you grow up and you're like, why did you let him have me?

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude, you got to be so mad at your.

[Dan Soder]

By the way, he's not even going to touch the estate.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. I wonder how many kids check out.

[Dan Soder]

What's the Pacino range?

[Nick Mullen]

Dairo's range is long. I think he also recently had a kind of a kid. But Pacino.

[Eldest]

But all his kids are like seven kids, right?

[Nick Mullen]

Seven kids.

[Eldest]

Aren't De Niro's kids all black I think.

[Nick Mullen]

I believe so.

[Eldest]

They don't expect to have a father anyway.

[Nick Mullen]

I think they might expect.

[Dan Soder]

That's why. That's why.

[Eldest]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

In that situation, you know what? I'm playing chess. I have a lot of K. They don't expect me to be there. It's kind of a move. No one knew. That's why I was doing it. Hats off. And I'm gone.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Pacino kids with who?

[Caller/Researcher]

Oh, I looked up the

[Eldest]

well, that's a lot of kids 7 stuff.

[Nick Mullen]

I bet it's less than. I bet Pacino less.

[Stavros Halkias]

Four.

[Nick Mullen]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

What are the age rages though?

[Eldest]

Four to 73.

[Dan Soder]

Like two years old.

[Caller/Researcher]

Yeah, like the oldest is born 89.

[Nick Mullen]

Okay.

[Caller/Researcher]

Marie Pacino, 36.

[Eldest]

And that's quick math. Oh, oh, you cheated.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, that's funny.

[Eldest]

You're pretending.

[Dan Soder]

I was trying to think of which way he did it. Where I was like, did he start it 20, 26.

[Nick Mullen]

I was born in 89. Okay.

[Caller/Researcher]

Then we got Anton James Pacino, Anton 2001 twins with Rose Pacino. And then Roman Pacino.

[Nick Mullen]

Of course. Roman is the little guy who's the who do you have this first kid

[Eldest]

with a baby shouldn't be named Roman.

[Dan Soder]

No, the there should be if anything given to you in the older age.

[Eldest]

You should have to kill your older brother to take his name.

[Dan Soder]

Roman the first.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Roman Pacino is a great name though.

[Dan Soder]

Roman Pacino's great. It's also setting him up that that kid could suck.

[Eldest]

Oh, oh, for sure. Growing up, the kid top out at 4:11.

[Nick Mullen]

Well, he's.

[Eldest]

He's gonna be a white rapper.

[Dan Soder]

He's gonna be like, he's gonna be like a white rapper, but also, but also Wolverine. So he's gonna be hairy and small.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And just ferocious.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, I like that.

[Eldest]

He'll. He'll do nothing until he hits 50 and he'll open a bar across the street.

[Dan Soder]

You've never been to Pacinos?

[Nick Mullen]

A kid like some guy 50 years from now opening a bar called Pacino. His dad's been dead for four.

[Dan Soder]

Oh yeah. Well, you know what? We put on Serpico and everyone watches.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. He takes voice. Voice training lessons like he's trans to talk like his dad.

[Dan Soder]

Can you teach me how to speak like him? I'm watching his movies. I said we got a drink special because my dad nutted in my mom.

[Nick Mullen]

He's got to go to governors and find some Italian that does it.

[Eldest]

Real trans people take voice training?

[Nick Mullen]

I believe so. Yeah.

[Eldest]

That seems like the biggest scam. Well, because that's gonna be a new.

[Dan Soder]

That's my side game.

[Eldest]

That's gotta be a new business. And there's some people are just tricking trans people into. Into signing up for lessons they probably

[Nick Mullen]

don't need, I believe, because you can't get a lower voice.

[Dan Soder]

I think about the scene with.

[Nick Mullen]

So even when you become. You look like a sexually. If you had a deep ass voice and then train yourself a little.

[Eldest]

But yeah, but they just go to somebody that's like, no, more like this.

[Nick Mullen]

I don't know.

[Dan Soder]

Is it the scene where. Have you ever seen the scene where Richard Prior teaches Gene Wilder how to be cool in any which way but up where he's like, yeah, now get bas in your voice. Is that what they do where they go like, like, yeah, but the other way there's, you know, it's like.

[Eldest]

It's like in Miss Congeniality when Stanley Tucci teaches.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, cuz I was thinking women transitioning to men. And a guy goes, hey, dude. And they go, okay, dude.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, I think, I think the, the te does a lot of the work going that way.

[Dan Soder]

You're saying the opposite way. You got to brighten it up.

[Nick Mullen]

You got to brighten it up. Although I'm sure it would. I'm sure. Voice training. Did you ever know a guy. I feel like I. You would meet kids who would pretend to have a deep voice and then one day it just stuck.

[Dan Soder]

I just always had. My mom has it.

[Nick Mullen]

I don't feel like you're, you know, there's nothing about you that's all my

[Dan Soder]

friends when I was a kid in fifth grade and be like, you'd call, you know, to see if they come out and hang out.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And I remember calling my friend Lewis, Lewis Condon. Shout out, louis, I hope you're all right.

[Nick Mullen]

Shout out to Louis.

[Dan Soder]

And I called his house and his mom was like. I was like, is Lewis there? And she's like, who is this? Like, you know, not. No, like a mom. Like, in a way that I've never heard being like, who is this?

[Eldest]

She's just trying to. Somebody on the phone.

[Dan Soder]

Phone.

[Eldest]

Your mom's. His mom's an Indian man.

[Dan Soder]

What are you doing later?

[Eldest]

Yeah, please come over me.

[Nick Mullen]

Lewis is busy.

[Dan Soder]

I are looking for Lewis or me for you, sir. But I was like, oh, no, it's Dan. And she was like, oh, I thought it was. You were one of Lewis's football coaches. Like, damn.

[Nick Mullen]

Did you ever use that? Did you ever do any hijinks?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, yeah, Phone breaks all the time. Time pranking people.

[Eldest]

I used to hate that.

[Dan Soder]

When.

[Eldest]

When you'd, like, you'll be telemarketers or something, it would call.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

And they'd be like, hi, ma'.

[Dan Soder]

Am.

[Eldest]

Yeah, right.

[Nick Mullen]

No, I'm a man. I'm a boy.

[Eldest]

I started pissing into the receiver, like, can you hear my penis, sir?

[Dan Soder]

You're breaking up the phone. Are you peeing in the receiver? Yeah. I would call Toys R Us to see if they had toys, and they'd pick up on hold and go, But

[Eldest]

a child can do that. I don't know. And they go, man, the cops to your house to arrest a pedophile.

[Dan Soder]

You're checking if they have Gambit. You're a pedophile. No one's searching for Gambit with the heavy leather jacket.

[Nick Mullen]

No respect. I loved Gambit, but I used to

[Dan Soder]

call Toys R Us, and when they'd pick up.

[Eldest]

That's the Cajun X man.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

What did he say?

[Dan Soder]

Sex up. The sex stuff. X Men.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. He would. He would throw. He would make a playing card on fire.

[Dan Soder]

But he was the king of edging because he wanted to. The lady that you couldn't touch, she would kill you.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So he had to.

[Eldest]

I would do it anyways.

[Nick Mullen]

If you were a condom.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Couldn't you? Her, you're not supposed to question.

[Eldest]

She just have to. She doesn't kill you immediately. It's like you have sucks your power.

[Nick Mullen]

Right.

[Eldest]

So if you bust, like, right away, you're good.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. But you're going to be, like, a prude.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

You okay, zip. Professor X is telling someone that Windexing your dick.

[Eldest]

That's awesome. Dude, if that's your girlfriend, you could just nut. Immediately be like, well, I die.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, you want me to die?

[Dan Soder]

I can't.

[Eldest]

I literally can't. Eat your.

[Nick Mullen]

Cuz I'll die or my mouth will stop working.

[Eldest]

Suck me off crap immediately.

[Dan Soder]

Like one of the Nazis in Indiana Jones. If I suck your.

[Nick Mullen]

But I feel like with a condom, you should be able to. Her.

[Dan Soder]

Professor X is like, her only weakness is if you come fast.

[Nick Mullen]

That's me shooting up. It's the regular X Men. Just putting on sweatpants, shorts.

[Eldest]

What's the rumor? Professor X liked all the. Like, his mind is everywhere. So he's like, in that place. And then Rogue comes in, and he turns around to see her, and he's like, hey. And then it's just her and tits all over the suit. And he's like, what's.

[Nick Mullen]

What's going on? Like, for a second, it's like some fat old lady

[Eldest]

baseball.

[Nick Mullen]

Then it comes back stronger. She's sucking.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, right.

[Eldest]

The baseball bat turns into his dick going into.

[Dan Soder]

I should take this off. Headpiece off before he does.

[Nick Mullen]

It's like his whole body going into. She's a giant. And he's just being stuffed in her. In the wheels.

[Dan Soder]

I'm in the chair. No, I'm in the chair.

[Eldest]

Shitty legs. Just being like. Like wet spaghetti in.

[Nick Mullen]

She's just putting him in there, using him like a dill.

[Dan Soder]

Know when he has that. When he has that helmet on. It's his search history.

[Eldest]

She's like, Tuesday is laundry day. He's like, yeah, I just want to

[Dan Soder]

know what y' all keep your baby biscuits. Oh, you. You startled me, Rogue. And then Storm comes in, but he's not sexually attracted to her.

[Eldest]

Yeah, right. It's nothing.

[Dan Soder]

It just says. It just.

[Eldest]

Gold members suck.

[Dan Soder]

Don't say the N word. Don't say the N word.

[Nick Mullen]

Says the N word. The big red circle.

[Eldest]

It's a full N word.

[Nick Mullen]

Says it. The red circle through.

[Eldest]

She's like, oh, should I come back? He's like, no, that's. I shouldn't say it.

[Nick Mullen]

No, no, no.

[Eldest]

You're allowed in here.

[Nick Mullen]

Just a. For myself.

[Dan Soder]

No. Oh, I'm sorry, Storm. You weren't supposed to see that. Rogue didn't tell you about my fantasies?

[Eldest]

How about they're like, storm, can you go pick up groceries? And so she creates a hurricane so she can go loot the groceries.

[Dan Soder]

It's her waiting.

[Eldest]

Like, we gave you money.

[Dan Soder]

It's her Waiting with a door. And on the doors all the groceries. Professor, I brought in a TV.

[Nick Mullen]

I didn't ask why are there 30 flat screens here?

[Dan Soder]

Did you get a bunch of Nokia cell phones? No one uses flip phones anymore. Rogue. You startled me.

[Nick Mullen]

She was sexy.

[Dan Soder]

She saw it. Remember those cards I used to jack off? To the cards.

[Eldest]

To the cards.

[Dan Soder]

The X Men cards.

[Nick Mullen]

I don't remember the cards. This might be. This might be slightly generational.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, it's a little bit older. A little before your time.

[Eldest]

My friend had X Men cards.

[Dan Soder]

What's that?

[Eldest]

My friend had X Men cards. Yeah, we're the same age. Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

I'm trying to remember what the. I definitely was horny for the X Men, but I don't know if I. If there was ever. If they ever made it to me jacking off to them. Was there ever maybe a vid? Because the video game.

[Eldest]

Well, the movie what's her name plays the.

[Dan Soder]

She didn't do. No, no.

[Eldest]

The blue lady from the movie.

[Nick Mullen]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, Rebecca.

[Nick Mullen]

Yes, for sure.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Rebecca Romaine.

[Nick Mullen]

Definitely. I I a. There was, I believe there was footage of her getting into the like being body painted.

[Dan Soder]

Damn, dude. I bet BTS did it for a young star.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely.

[Nick Mullen]

Not only that. I'll tell you one further. I then in my rotation was body paint porn.

[Dan Soder]

Really? Like there was Sports Illustrated did a whole thing for a couple years there in the swimsuit edition where girls were just naked with body paint on.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Interesting.

[Nick Mullen]

There was a very specific.

[Eldest]

That gotta be awesome if you're colorblind.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

That's just porn.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. You go, oh, look at these naked ladies.

[Nick Mullen]

This kid looks a little weird.

[Eldest]

Sure.

[Dan Soder]

I have dog eyes, but look at this board.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, guys. Sure. If you should be able to smell like a dog, be able to get dog scent.

[Eldest]

That's what I said. You can't. You're like a nosmic now.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. You can't smell at all.

[Eldest]

I didn't know that. I don't think you told me that. I've had it.

[Dan Soder]

Had it for a while.

[Nick Mullen]

This was.

[Stavros Halkias]

You said it was co.

[Nick Mullen]

I feel like this was before COVID

[Dan Soder]

No co knocked it out. Smoking cigarettes severely dulled it.

[Eldest]

I, I like the couple of time I. I mean I got sick again recently and I couldn't smack smell. But the first time it happened, I couldn't smell for like two days and I was like really upset about it.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

My got so doled out because of smoking for so long. You're ready to go that when it happened I was just kind of like I guess it isn't there, but it

[Eldest]

was a gas leak.

[Dan Soder]

I'm gonna die.

[Eldest]

Yeah. Don't you gotta fix that?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. There's people have been reaching out with, like. There's, like, therapies you can do to, like, bring.

[Eldest]

That's what I did when I got sick and mine went away. I just. I got all the spices out of the cabinet, and I would just keep

[Dan Soder]

smelling one of them.

[Eldest]

Kind of recognized it. And then I would just think about, like, oh, oh, rosemary or whatever, you know.

[Nick Mullen]

Think about it.

[Eldest]

Yeah, you have to think about it.

[Nick Mullen]

It's like bringing back the force in there.

[Dan Soder]

Like, I have to go to an island. I have to go to an island and find Luke Skywalker just to smell this stinky ass city again.

[Nick Mullen]

But you're pumped. You don't even want to smell.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, Katie literally is like my smelling nose lady.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Like, I go to her and I go, do I smell?

[Nick Mullen]

And she goes, what about taste? Has it up your taste dulled it a little.

[Dan Soder]

But I still have taste. I can still. I could still.

[Eldest]

No, see, I lost both when I had it.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I lost both, but my taste came back, but just a little dulled.

[Nick Mullen]

Okay. All right.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, well.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, you know, you can't smell. Well, now you're. You're to be married, man. You don't have to worry about strange, stinky.

[Dan Soder]

Nope.

[Nick Mullen]

But that's a positive if you're a young man who's, you know, who knows what kind of.

[Eldest]

Yeah, stuff like. It's like, you know, like your mom's perfume or stuff like that you might smell in the future, and you're like, oh, dick hard. Yeah, yeah, that.

[Dan Soder]

Or, you know, like Liz Taylor, your

[Nick Mullen]

mom's perfume, your grandma's perfume.

[Eldest]

No, you probably have nice memories that are now inaccessible that you don't even know about. That is great times in your life because it's a lot of. A lot of memories. Yes.

[Dan Soder]

I might bring it back.

[Nick Mullen]

Do you think you have that capability?

[Dan Soder]

I. They've. They've been doing a lot of studies. They've been saying there's, like, medications that can bring it back now.

[Nick Mullen]

Interesting.

[Dan Soder]

Real good at targeting areas of the brain.

[Eldest]

Doing the spice thing. Yeah. You know, born on 4th of July.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

Near the beginning where he's. He's paralyzed and he's in the hospital, and he's like, I'm gonna walk again.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

And then he, like, snaps his leg.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

He gets too, like, excited. Yeah, that would be me.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

It's like, I don't care what the Doctors say I'm gonna try and fix it my own way.

[Dan Soder]

Mine was just kind of like,

[Eldest]

I

[Dan Soder]

don't think I need it right now. It's more that I. I don't want

[Nick Mullen]

it, but I respect that.

[Dan Soder]

I'm gonna.

[Nick Mullen]

Because I would be freaking the out if I lost a second sense. Yeah, a sense. And you're like.

[Dan Soder]

Was always dulled because of smoking.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

That really upsets me. One of my eyes went like, either up or down a diopter or whatever you call it where my eyes. I like, I don't know if I.

[Dan Soder]

You're googly eyed.

[Eldest]

No, I, I, My vision had been stable, and then I had a bad eye infection in this eye. And then I don't know, it was like a sty. And then it became infected. I got. It was called the pera orbital cellulitis. I take antibiotics. This is years ago, but it was at the same week. Maybe it was because I could only use this eye and I was like, up or something. I was watching tv and then suddenly it was like, like a filter went over and I couldn't read anything. I got a eye exam and this eye had like, dropped off.

[Nick Mullen]

So there's jizz in your eye.

[Eldest]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

I was like, there's that thin layer of the filter was just jizz.

[Dan Soder]

You have a. Almost a force field of comb around your eye.

[Eldest]

But that made me really sad. I was like. And I'm looking online like you do exercises.

[Dan Soder]

There was like, times I gave up hope. There was like, frustrating where I was like, dude, I. I have to be able to. And then I would pull my nose out like this. That was the only time I was able to smell.

[Eldest]

You're making fun of me for the spices and you're like doing Pinocchio. There's no way that's the answer. It's pulling your nose out.

[Nick Mullen]

I like pulling your.

[Eldest]

No, you're teaming up against me for nose.

[Dan Soder]

Better spikes is better.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Nick Mullen]

Spices, but not thinking. You can think your way back to having smell. You can't be like cinnamon and then.

[Eldest]

Yes, you can. It's your brain. Your brain is doing everything. It's the same brain.

[Dan Soder]

By the way, his science isn't that awful.

[Nick Mullen]

Tugging nose. Tugging nose makes more sense.

[Eldest]

I do my own science and I'm always right.

[Dan Soder]

That's how he fixed his eye. Well, I'm.

[Nick Mullen]

I think I'm very scared that I'm just. Because of my back. I was telling you guys before, but yeah, I just was deadlifting. Not even a lot of weight and I just Tweaked some and it just has not. It just. I wake up every morning in excruciating pain for, like, three hours.

[Dan Soder]

You need to read that. That book that cured Howard Stearns.

[Eldest]

You got to get on Louis Simmons.

[Nick Mullen]

Dude, who's Louie Simmons?

[Eldest]

Louis Simmons was the guy that ran west side Barbell, but he, like, broke his back and then. Yeah. Have you seen west side versus the World?

[Dan Soder]

No.

[Eldest]

Oh, you should watch it. You'd like it.

[Dan Soder]

Is that a documentary?

[Eldest]

Yeah. It's like Pumping Iron. It's like Pumping Iron and West side versus the World. It was the two best.

[Dan Soder]

Okay.

[Eldest]

Yeah, but west side versus World saw about Louis Simmons and his gym, a powerlifting gym in Ohio. I think it's still there, but it's like, invite only, and it's just a garage. And it's like. Like they set a bunch of records, I guess, in the late 90s and early 2000s. But Louis Simmons broke his back. And then he's. He's a welder, so he invented, like, the rehab machine that he used to fix his back.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. That's the most manly shit I've ever heard in my life. Breaking your back and then welding your. That heals you.

[Nick Mullen]

I'm just sitting here. I'm like, in a. Like a Epsom salt bath being like, my back hurts.

[Dan Soder]

I need more door dash.

[Nick Mullen]

I need more door dash.

[Eldest]

I have.

[Nick Mullen]

I have to. I have to get to my job where I pretend to be a working class tire salesman tomorrow.

[Dan Soder]

I know, actually, I'm not actually a tire salesman, but I make so much.

[Nick Mullen]

That's literally what this last month has been like. I'm like, how am I ever gonna pretend to be a horny tiger?

[Eldest]

You could get in. You could get into pills, too. You could become a pill head brother.

[Dan Soder]

That's how most people get.

[Nick Mullen]

I'm very scared.

[Eldest]

Oh, yeah, I know. That's why I'm suggesting it.

[Nick Mullen]

No, no, I got.

[Dan Soder]

That's why I'm walking.

[Nick Mullen]

No, no, I'm really. I've been really worried about that. I've been keeping them at bay. I only use them, like, I've only used them, like, a couple times.

[Eldest]

They're in here somewhere in this bar.

[Nick Mullen]

I'm not telling you where. Yeah, they are.

[Eldest]

They.

[Dan Soder]

If I walk towards it, would you do hot, Cold?

[Eldest]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

Do you think if I, if your friend Nick got up and walked around, you maybe shout out a hotter or colder once in a while?

[Eldest]

I, I got into. I, I. You know, we would get, like, kratom for free on the old show. It's always kind of gross to me. But then when I. I got surgery a couple years ago and I used the Kratom to extend how long I was on painkillers. And then. And then I had this.

[Nick Mullen]

Kratom's very interesting because it's like.

[Eldest]

Well, if you do enough of it, it's like a Percocetle.

[Nick Mullen]

It's just three different drugs. Yeah, yeah, but.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but this is like you guys coming up with recipes for like biscotti. A biscotti ice cream I never thought of.

[Eldest]

I was doing this for a while.

[Nick Mullen]

Both of those will work for me.

[Dan Soder]

You guys have pills are better.

[Eldest]

I was doing this thing for a while where I would sit at home and I would have like six or seven non alcoholic beers and then take 40 grams of kratom. Be like, I'm sober up.

[Nick Mullen]

Literally tricking your.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, dude. And your brain's like, what's going on? It's not the same feeling. Yeah, yeah.

[Eldest]

No, that was. That was awesome.

[Dan Soder]

That's like indoor skydiving for drinking.

[Eldest]

Just sitting there watching my girlfriend friend play Hogwarts legacy. Like pretending to be drunk. Good job.

[Dan Soder]

Good job. I just had six tiny zeros.

[Eldest]

I feel great. We're having a great night inside.

[Dan Soder]

Gotta call Lewis to get more creative.

[Nick Mullen]

Alcohol so much that you're redoing the shitty parts of it. Just drunk on your couch.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

A thousand calories of Stella Zeros.

[Dan Soder]

That's so funny.

[Nick Mullen]

Don't even taste that good.

[Dan Soder]

You're in.

[Nick Mullen]

They taste good after like two or three, though.

[Dan Soder]

You want after three? They're bad. I went to a. I went to a Fourth of July barbecue with Shane and I drank a 12 pack of Heine Zeros.

[Eldest]

But those aren't good though.

[Dan Soder]

I like them. I like them them, but six was too much.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, I top out at like three of those. And it's for a barbecue when you want to just.

[Dan Soder]

They were shotgunning beers, drinking and I was like, I shotgunning nas is. That's a beer bogged.

[Eldest]

That's like something the chess club does.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but I needed it. I needed to like. It was like. It's like a pedophile sex doll. I like needed it. I was gonna fucking act out if I did it. I was in a really dark place. I was gonna act like, don't judge my child sex doll. Yeah, I needed it.

[Nick Mullen]

Hey, Shane, could you just tell those guys that was real beer?

[Dan Soder]

I was like, I don't give a dude. I'll take three edibles. I was doing what Nick was doing. Just displacement.

[Nick Mullen]

Hey, Shane, If Post Malone asked, that was real beer.

[Dan Soder]

If George Kittle asks when I pulled

[Eldest]

porn here, sitting there getting a temporary tattoo.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, hey, me too. I got stuff on my face too.

[Nick Mullen]

Elders, What? Is it about time we. We gave a little wisdom to the. To the listeners, Elders.

[Caller/Researcher]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Wonderful. And by the way, here we should say, Dan, you are in the middle of a tour.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Golden Retriever of comedy tour on sale March, probably. Yeah. Dan Soder.com March and April are the final months of it.

[Nick Mullen]

Perfect. Go see Dan. Nick, you said we're talking. You said you're back on the road, baby.

[Eldest]

Yeah. Well, I just did Chicago. I got a lot more stuff up, but I'm being lazy about it. I kind of want to keep everything in driving distance for a little bit.

[Dan Soder]

That's smart.

[Nick Mullen]

Kind of nice, dude.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

I just bought. I bought a RAV4. Just. Yeah, every place is awesome.

[Eldest]

I realized it, Philly.

[Nick Mullen]

It was awesome.

[Eldest]

I had a flight. I. I like, for some reason, it's like on Saturdays, I'm like, anxious about the shows, even though it's the end of the week.

[Nick Mullen]

Really.

[Eldest]

And then it took me until now to realize it's because I have to fly on Sunday. And I get like, even before I go on the road, it's like, I think, like, oh, why am I nervous? And it's just. I hate. I'm like, I'm gonna up. I'm not gonna get to the airport on time, dude.

[Dan Soder]

And that also travel, especially with government shutdowns possibly happening again. It's like one of those things where, like, I might not make it in the stress of not making it to a far away city.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Because people are like, you've been promoting it for years.

[Dan Soder]

Just been begging people, like, come out. There's gonna be. And you're like, because I can't fly there.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. We drove back from Greensboro. We.

[Eldest]

What is that, South Carolina, 10 hours.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. What was it?

[Caller 1]

10?

[Caller/Researcher]

It was like six hours to Baltimore. And then we. We, like, stayed.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, we literally slept for like four hours. Grand theft auto Save point, dude.

[Dan Soder]

That's. I forgot you have that.

[Nick Mullen]

We slept for like three and a half hours and then got back to New York.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that's great.

[Nick Mullen]

But it was a hilarious ride. We saw a. That's. We. We. We were talking about the truck drivers earlier. We saw literally a guy was. He had parked his truck in maybe the worst spot possible, and we were like. It was like. There was like a detour off a highway and we needed to, like, go around his we're like, what the is that guy got in there. He was getting sucked off by a lot lizard. And then as we said that like a disheveled woman comes out like, and is like telling. He's like doing.

[Caller/Researcher]

Literally go around helping him back up so we can like, cross through.

[Dan Soder]

And oh, she's like, sorry, I had to come out here and scratch the. Come out of my.

[Nick Mullen]

So go see the golden retriever of comedy. Go see Mo the mold dog when he. When he throws some stuff up there. And. And we got some great stuff at this point. Probably Radio City's coming up by the time this comes out.

[Dan Soder]

What are you doing?

[Nick Mullen]

Radio City, March 25th a 28th. 28th, March 28th. Come by, come hang.

[Eldest]

You know, you got to check out there. Maybe you'll like this in the back there. They got like. It's the original machine from like the 1930s. It controls all the really the, you know, the. The I don't know, ropes.

[Nick Mullen]

Really?

[Eldest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

That's if you chose the curtains and.

[Eldest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

They still use it or it's just like.

[Eldest]

I think they still use. Use it.

[Nick Mullen]

That's awesome. Yeah, I'm excited.

[Dan Soder]

No, that's. That's mad ghost territory.

[Nick Mullen]

Ghosted up.

[Dan Soder]

That's Phantom of the Opera. Oh, is it? I'm sure Radio City has to.

[Stavros Halkias]

Every.

[Nick Mullen]

A lot of is haunted, dude.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, that's why they all have that ghost light they put on that stage of theaters.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, really?

[Eldest]

For the ghost to like, perform.

[Dan Soder]

The ghost is a monologue just doing

[Nick Mullen]

rage, just doing black face. It's like if it's a ghost. 1910.

[Eldest]

It's just so offensive that they're not allowed in hell. Satan's like, Jesus Christ, have some taste.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, Golly. I mean, I'm evil, but I like good stuff. Satan's pissed because he gets all this.

[Eldest]

True.

[Nick Mullen]

Satan doesn't necessarily have to have bad taste.

[Dan Soder]

I stole rock and roll from black people. Can I grab another seltzer real quick?

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, please.

[Dan Soder]

Do you want a zero, though?

[Eldest]

Yeah, that'd be great.

[Nick Mullen]

Elvis will get it.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Can you get me a root beer while you're at it?

[Eldest]

Gotta pull up the advice.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, Eldest, pull up some advice. Did you get like a cold day's big goals?

[Stavros Halkias]

No time to cook factor makes healthy eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs. So you can eat well without the planning or cooking factor is a variety amount meals that fit your goals and schedule. Whether that's healthier eating, calorie management or more protein. Me I'm trying to do all three. And every meal is made with quality functional ingredients including lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole food ingredients and healthy fats. I've been on the road a bunch. I've been doing tires,

[Nick Mullen]

we've been doing

[Stavros Halkias]

all these gigs, I've been visiting Baltimore, I'm in and out of my apartment and having some factor meals here has been a godsend for me, helping me stay on track. They have my I've been messing with the GLP1 meals because I, you know, you know, I'm a GLP1 warrior. I really love the cheddar and poblano shredded beef bowl. Sometimes when I want something just down the middle, I'll go brown butter grilled chicken and some Yukon mash. They'll throw a couple veggies in there, some eggplants, some delicious stuff. You're gonna love it. I love it. Head to FactorMeals.com Stavi 50 off and use code Stavi50OFF to get 50% off and free breakfast for a year. Eat like a pro this month with Factor New subscribers only. Varies by plan. One free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active. Ah, folks, I'm moving into a new spot right now. It's very exciting. Decorating, getting new furniture, doing a little home improvement, painting some spots that they might have missed. I love getting everything in control at my new place, including pest control. Pesti is a do it yourself pest control that makes protecting your home simple and effective. The Pesti kit includes pro grade pesticides, the same stuff the pros use, plus a spray sprayer, mixing bag, gloves and instructions you can complete in under 10 minutes. It's customized to your location, season and climate and it gets rid of over 100 types of bugs from spiders and ants to roaches and more. No appointments, no strangers at your house. Treatments start at just 35 bucks and pesty backs with a 100% bug free guarantee or your money back. Not my new place, but the place

[Nick Mullen]

I just left I will admit had

[Stavros Halkias]

a bit of a bug problem here in the there when I first moved in they hadn't really cleaned. It was gross. We had big ass roaches. Pesty fixed it up in one moment. Okay, I handled it. My, my landlord was a kind of difficult to deal with. I was like I don't want to deal with other guys coming in and out, him setting up a, you know, exter anybody in my house. None of that. I handled it myself as soon. I mean within a couple treatments I really did not have a Problem again. And it was so easy to do maintenance. And I'm not, you know, I'm a handy. I'm not the handiest guy in the world, but with Pesi, it was very easy. I love not seeing those disgusting bugs in my bathroom.

[Nick Mullen]

I had a nice bathroom.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sometimes when I first moved in, they

[Nick Mullen]

were all over the tub. The relief.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't. It was incredible knowing that I had control of, making sure my home was pest free.

[Nick Mullen]

Keep the bugs away with pesti go

[Stavros Halkias]

to pesty.comstavi for an extra 10% off your order.

[Eldest]

Order.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's P-E-S-T-I-E.comstavi for an extra ten percent off.

[Nick Mullen]

Finish with some calls.

[Dan Soder]

LD yo, can I hit the 1E?

[Nick Mullen]

Of course.

[Dan Soder]

Yes.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Go crazy.

[Nick Mullen]

Are you kidding me?

[Eldest]

Damn. I've had like nine coffees today.

[Nick Mullen]

Ellis, where's the call, you dunce? Yeah, I said it three times. Jesus Christ.

[Caller 1]

Hey, St. Hi, eldest and esteemed. Guess I'll try to keep this quick. I blew tooth discs in my lumbar spine when I was like, 25. Had surgery, was good to go. But a couple weeks ago, I was

[Caller 2]

in a lot of pain.

[Caller 1]

Got an mri. Turns out it's degenerative disc disease. And I bleed two more and they'll just continue to get worse. It's manageable, but my career path is mobile mechanic. I run my own business. I make the same money, but I'm at this point now where I've got to decide, do I change career path?

[Eldest]

Well, quick, quick answer real quick. Immobile mechanic.

[Nick Mullen]

That's true. Bring your car.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

You jack your car up, you bring it to my house.

[Eldest]

Put my hands on the car for me.

[Dan Soder]

Reel me under there, lay me down, down. Wheel me under, and I'll give a glimpse.

[Eldest]

Get a wheelchair and replace the car. Yeah, you can. People can ride you.

[Nick Mullen]

My lap. That's brutal. So this guy figured out his back is just.

[Dan Soder]

He is degenerative disc disorder.

[Caller/Researcher]

Disease.

[Nick Mullen]

Disease, which I guess I don't know what that is, hopefully.

[Eldest]

Isn't that what you have?

[Dan Soder]

Does it make you feel like a hearing a guy that's got. Got like. Like you got back problems, but this guy's got like.

[Eldest]

This guy. Is the character you're playing?

[Dan Soder]

Yes. Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

He's like, I know Dave is a manager.

[Dan Soder]

I sell tires at this place. I'm a manager. And you go, what the.

[Eldest]

It would have been awesome if you were supposed to be a mechanic. And then you showed up. You're like, I'm gonna need A chair. I'm gonna need a chair to sit in.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, dude. I mean, you're pretty. That sucks dick. He's basically just saying he needs to change his career. Yeah.

[Caller/Researcher]

He's wondering if he should seriously reconsider pursuing a different career.

[Eldest]

He should learn how to use CHAT GP to do coding for him. That's my advice to everybody. No. Find something that you are completely dispassionate about, that you hate, and then use ChatGPT to do that, because poorly for you, it doesn't matter.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, but what would that even be? He doesn't know. He doesn't know. Does he have any ideas about what he would do or. You're saying, should he? I mean. Yes. Because if you're asking us, in a vacuum, should you take a job that is less physically taxing? The answer is yes, if you have that available.

[Eldest]

Well, if you were in a vacuum, that'd be awesome.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Is it a giant vacuum?

[Eldest]

Maybe a Kirby? That would be pretty cool.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, I'll tell you what. You're in a Dyson. Your life's pretty good.

[Eldest]

It would be even better if it was haunted. And then it's like Luigi's mansion.

[Nick Mullen]

It's full of dust. I don't want to be full of dirt.

[Eldest]

Well, it's a fantasy world. We're living in a vacuum.

[Dan Soder]

It's charming in a Disney way. You can use it to fly up coughing around like. No at first, but then you become acclimated.

[Eldest]

Maybe you're in a different part of the vacuum.

[Nick Mullen]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

You might be in the brushes.

[Nick Mullen]

The brushes would be cool.

[Dan Soder]

That's like the inner city of the vacuum world. Yeah. You go, you don't want to live in the brushes. Let's just say the stuff gets trapped, right?

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, the sensation of being vacuumed, that would feel nice.

[Dan Soder]

Being in the vacuum, being a blow job.

[Nick Mullen]

No, dude, I just want, like, I don't know, feel awesome.

[Dan Soder]

Just to be taken away. You want to be abducted?

[Nick Mullen]

Being abducted would feel good.

[Eldest]

Being. Being sucked. Your entire body.

[Nick Mullen]

Your whole body getting sucked would feel good.

[Eldest]

I was reading about the.

[Nick Mullen]

Get sucked you get. Your dick is played with. With a mouth.

[Eldest]

I was reading about the Apollo. Apollo 1 disaster story. No, I really only know it from the beginning of Apollo 13, the movie.

[Nick Mullen]

I don't know shit about it.

[Eldest]

So it was the first Apollo mission. And, like, just the pre. They were just testing. They were like, get in the cockpit and let's just make sure the radio works. Literally.

[Nick Mullen]

Really?

[Dan Soder]

I immediately see Nick is selling a comedic version of Apollo 1 to a streamer. Like, they've got to learn how to be Astro.

[Eldest]

That's what happens. So they put them on the. They put them on the launch pad. They get in the cockpit, and they were. They have to. You know, they have to pressurize the cockpit because when it goes into space, it's a fucking vacuum. So they do that on the ground. And at the time, I don't know if they changed it later. They did it with pure oxygen.

[Nick Mullen]

Okay?

[Eldest]

And so. And there's a recording of the comms, right? And so they're sitting in there. It's pure oxygen, some wire short. And then you hear the guy, like. The guy's like, already impatient. He's like, how the hell are we gonna go to the moon if we can't even get, you know, comms broken right between two buildings. He's like, oh, we got a fire. Bad fire, bad fire. Oh, and they're like, get us out of here. And then it just cuts out. But then you hear the other guys, because there's so much pressure in there because they pressurized it, and it's also pure oxygen. The fire, like, makes it even more so. They got squeezed and burned to death. Oh, in like, 30 seconds. But then there's the other side of the comms, and the other guy. The guy's like, yeah, Mike, can you go check on them?

[Dan Soder]

So the guy that goes.

[Nick Mullen]

He's being a D mark.

[Eldest]

You up there, you got visual on

[Dan Soder]

the guy that always goes, stop playing around. Yeah, you guys playing around. The guy's being squeezed and burned.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, dude.

[Eldest]

But you got to think, like, all those guys went to, like, Korea in World War II.

[Dan Soder]

So for them, that was sweet.

[Eldest]

For him, that's like. That's like, nothing. It's like, yeah, they all got. Get some more astronauts.

[Dan Soder]

We lost three. What, do you want me to cry about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

That would be. That would suck dick to be number one, though. And, you know, now I do not get to go to space. You die in Florida.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

The smartest guy was like, I'll go, too. Don't you want to be the first one? And he goes, no, No, I don't.

[Nick Mullen]

Not really.

[Dan Soder]

Have you guys figured out the old pressure thing?

[Eldest]

Well, that's. I. I never really knew the story. I rewatched Apollo 13 recently, and I never picked up on that as a. When I was a kid, but. But, like, it makes the story so much crazier because it's like, these guys are thinking about the Other guys that burned to death.

[Nick Mullen]

Right.

[Eldest]

And they already know how dangerous this is going to be. And then they go up there and they just get stuck.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

Like in between Earth and the moon.

[Dan Soder]

Which, you know what though, it does give a layer of more danger.

[Eldest]

That's what I mean. Because as a kid, I couldn't appreciate Apollo 13.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I saw my dad and I remember being like, they got stuck and they

[Nick Mullen]

got out against the kid too. You're like, fucking Han Solo does backflip, right?

[Eldest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Like when you see that when you're a kid and you see I can't even get it up, it's like, what are you guys.

[Dan Soder]

You just. There's.

[Nick Mullen]

Right there. It's not scary. I thought it was a jetpack.

[Eldest]

When I was in Chicago, I got back to my hotel room at 3am and they locked the door and I tried it and it was locked. And I was like already walking over. Right. The guy was already coming over to let me in. I was crying. Maybe a second and a half had passed before I was urinating and like, didn't know what was going to happen.

[Nick Mullen]

Like, oh, no. I hope the two Nigerians from Jesse

[Dan Soder]

Smollett don't get me Subway. What do you mean you just went to Subway. You are going to Subway.

[Eldest]

You have become MAGA country.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

Back. We got to do it again. We. Welcome to the country of Maka.

[Dan Soder]

Welcome.

[Eldest]

No, it's welcome to welcome. This is Mag.

[Nick Mullen]

Where is my meatball sub?

[Dan Soder]

Where?

[Nick Mullen]

You promised me a six foot on Italian herbs and cheeses.

[Dan Soder]

I wanted a teriyaki chicken. Where is my teriyaki? You do not bring it.

[Eldest]

It's crazy. That's the only good thing on the menu.

[Dan Soder]

Everything else is because they know it's good.

[Nick Mullen]

I like the Italian bmt.

[Dan Soder]

Nah, dude.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Sweet onion teriyaki.

[Nick Mullen]

Honestly, the meatball sub's not bad either.

[Dan Soder]

It isn't bad in a pinch.

[Nick Mullen]

In a pinch. Yeah. But there's never a pig.

[Eldest]

You always have to.

[Nick Mullen]

There's never a pit. Hold on. There's never a pinch. What do you mean there's never.

[Eldest]

Unless you go in there. Like, we don't have the sweet onion chicken teriyaki.

[Nick Mullen]

It's not that good, bro. The meat also, sometimes you. You want something different. You want a meatball sauce.

[Eldest]

It's good.

[Caller/Researcher]

But the chicken does kind of suck.

[Nick Mullen]

That weird.

[Caller/Researcher]

But the flavor is that weird.

[Nick Mullen]

Rubbery ass chicken Subway.

[Dan Soder]

I'm not kind of on Subway though.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, of course you do, you white trash. I got.

[Caller/Researcher]

I got a Subway Thanksgiving sub they had on the menu. And me and Stav stopped on the way back.

[Dan Soder]

That was an old Len. That was an old Lenny's thing that they used to do. That was great.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. I mean, I do think it's nice. When sandwich wouldn't change. Do something for. For a limited time, I had a

[Eldest]

night where I was way fucked up on Kratom to the extent that I wouldn't say I blacked out, but I didn't remember it happening. But I like, inquired about. I inquired about opening a Blimpy's franchise. You know what an email. And then the next day I got like. You know, they're like, thank you. Ever looking into opening a Blimpies franchise.

[Dan Soder]

I'm genuinely curious. Blimpies was my favorite.

[Nick Mullen]

There's no Blimpies anywhere.

[Eldest]

I didn't say I'm dumb or that this was a bad idea. I just said that I didn't remember it.

[Dan Soder]

I didn't remember it.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, there's no Blimpies anymore.

[Eldest]

Blimpies. If you opened a Blimpy slash blockbuster in, like, wherever the Harry Potter store is.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

You would.

[Nick Mullen]

No, it would need to be in, like, Ridgewood or some.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

What. What's the. Is going on out in Ridgewood?

[Nick Mullen]

You need it to be, like, hipster.

[Dan Soder]

You just said that like you're a black comic. What's going on, man? The Ridgewood. What the going on?

[Eldest]

The.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

Well, I feel like I've lived in bed sty long enough now that I can act like that to the people that moving there now.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I think it's true.

[Eldest]

You don't belong here. You know what you did. Yeah. They're like, you don't either. I'm like, yeah, but less. A little bit more than you do.

[Dan Soder]

Not as mad at me.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Anymore.

[Nick Mullen]

Play another call. Ld.

[Caller 1]

Hey, stuff. Second shot here because I went way too long in the first try. So long story short, I am having a hard time with my dad. Since my mom passed away six months ago.

[Caller 2]

She.

[Caller 1]

It's been a hard time and. And all that, you know, goes without saying. Since she passed away, my dad, who's like a deeply, deeply conservative, like, Catholic man, Midwestern man, has started hanging out with one of her old friends, like, a lot. It started off sort of. Sort of low key that she would, like, bring him lunch sometimes, but now he's, like, seeing her, like, every day after work. And my dad, he went to Texas last year week because he had some health stuff going on. He needs to get some.

[Eldest]

He needs to get some scans and

[Caller 1]

they got, like a second opinion down there. My brother with him, which we thought.

[Dan Soder]

He's going.

[Nick Mullen]

He did. Rogan did. Ways to. Well, which, by the way, what's up with stem cells? If anybody knows, inject them into my back. Oh, yeah, I need them fixed.

[Dan Soder]

Rey Mysterio just took him. He's back in the wwe, dude.

[Nick Mullen]

Some. If somebody knows Mysterio's doctor, let me know.

[Dan Soder]

That'd be awesome, having you doing six one nines, having people trapped in the rope.

[Eldest]

And I kind of feel like we're on, like. And this is going to get, like, conspiratorial, but with like, all the Epstein stuff coming out and everything. It's going to be like we're all going to have to make a decision. It's like the. It's going to be like, okay, it's clear. Everybody in the government, children, right. They're all evil. They want to murder, like, an entire race of people. But we now have the technology where, like, everything could be cured. You can live forever and you're going to have to make, like, a decision.

[Nick Mullen]

Let them do it and take the drugs or don't.

[Eldest]

Yeah, yeah, kind of.

[Dan Soder]

So, like, you can live whether we.

[Eldest]

Whether we get rid of morality and kill God, basically. And then we have him. Not yet. He's hanging on.

[Dan Soder]

Feel like God just hasn't checked in in a while.

[Eldest]

He's in Iran. He's in Palestine.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

A lot of southern Lebanon in the

[Dan Soder]

cage lot on God's plate.

[Nick Mullen]

A lot on God's plate right now.

[Dan Soder]

He's not really thinking about the super bowl this year, but.

[Nick Mullen]

So would I take the drug to cure everything?

[Eldest]

Yeah. I just overwrote this guy's question.

[Nick Mullen]

No, no, we'll get back to his question.

[Eldest]

My family's dying. I'm like, here's a better one.

[Dan Soder]

No, well, listen, we'll get. It's his dad's getting new pussy.

[Eldest]

Not would you take the drug necessarily, but, like, would you accept that world? It's like you could have paradise on earth born out of, like, things that violate your principles.

[Nick Mullen]

We were still. We're just going to let them get away with everything.

[Dan Soder]

So they're going to be that. That I don't pay for it.

[Nick Mullen]

I don't think I could do that. But I don't know if, like, I think.

[Eldest]

Sort of the natural outgrowth of, like, the life you already kind of live, living in the west anyways.

[Nick Mullen]

Exactly.

[Eldest]

True.

[Nick Mullen]

That's true. That is true. You could argue we're already doing that just by being successful in America.

[Dan Soder]

They. They've cured being fat from eating too much food.

[Nick Mullen]

Well, it's still a process, Dan. You know, that's easy for you to say over there.

[Dan Soder]

You. I'm handicapped.

[Nick Mullen]

You still got to take the shot.

[Dan Soder]

Don't tell me to smell the roses.

[Nick Mullen]

Sometimes you're so fat you override the shot and you throw up because you had too much pizza.

[Eldest]

Do you have a band aid tan line?

[Dan Soder]

I do. Hold on.

[Eldest]

But I don't understand how the middle part still looks like a band aid.

[Nick Mullen]

I don't know what that's from, honestly.

[Eldest]

It looks like a band aid.

[Dan Soder]

It looks like a band aid.

[Eldest]

It looks like you had a tattoo of a band aid that got removed.

[Nick Mullen]

When did I get shots?

[Dan Soder]

I'm saying we haven't cured it yet, but we've made crazy progress.

[Eldest]

Are you on the. And then are you taking the pill one or the injectable one?

[Nick Mullen]

The injectable one.

[Eldest]

Are you going to switch to the pill? I don't know. What if they put it in peanut butter and put it in your mouth?

[Dan Soder]

Oh, how have they not came out with different flavors for this?

[Nick Mullen]

Come on. That's a no brainer.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, and half of it should be placebo pills. So they're just getting you to try.

[Nick Mullen]

That's why they haven't made them flavor.

[Dan Soder]

We've overdosed.

[Eldest]

It's like that movie thinner.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Everyone looks like they were cursed by a shaman. Everyone.

[Nick Mullen]

All right, back to this guy, his dad in Texas.

[Caller/Researcher]

They're going to Texas for a medical appointment.

[Eldest]

Prescription barbecue.

[Nick Mullen]

Excuse me. I'm here for the. I get first dips on the brisket. You were supposed to save me the first fattiest cup. My doctor said I needed it.

[Dan Soder]

We could knock this out with a half pound of brisket and some cornbread.

[Nick Mullen]

Okay, so he's in Texas and what this went with him.

[Caller 1]

But he also invited this to come with him as well.

[Eldest]

But he also invited this to come with him as well.

[Caller 1]

And those two stayed with. With her family.

[Caller 2]

She.

[Caller 1]

Her family's from Texas. They stayed with her family.

[Nick Mullen]

What do you want us to do?

[Caller 1]

And my brother and sister in law state elsewhere while they were down there. My brother is like calling me and texting me saying it's weird. They're. We're apparently like holding hands.

[Nick Mullen]

Dude, what do you think is going. What is this question?

[Dan Soder]

Can I tell you something right now? As a child of divorce, this guy is irritating me because he's going like, what is. Why is my dad acting like a man?

[Nick Mullen]

My mommy's. I Mean, look, no disrespect, we get respect.

[Eldest]

But a disrespect.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, I get it, but also,

[Nick Mullen]

how old is he?

[Caller/Researcher]

I don't think he's specific.

[Dan Soder]

Sounds like he's in his 30s at least.

[Nick Mullen]

What's weird is that it's his mom's friend. Right.

[Dan Soder]

That's up.

[Nick Mullen]

But also kind of regular.

[Dan Soder]

Your dad. Hopefully your dad did not cheat the entire time he was married to your mom. Right. So he did not know how to acquire outside. Your mom dies. I'm sorry. May her rest. May she rest in peace.

[Eldest]

But now, yeah, that almost makes more sense. I mean, the nexus of their relationship is like grief over this lady. Happens a lot, brother.

[Dan Soder]

This is what they used to do when we were settle in the West.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Someone dies, you marry their friend who's close.

[Eldest]

This feels like you raise your brother's son Jeremiah, pretend he's your son, raise

[Dan Soder]

a barn and a child.

[Nick Mullen]

But this literally does feel like some village type.

[Caller/Researcher]

There's. There's another little twist detail coming. This is the longer one.

[Caller 1]

And like, my dad and this. This woman were like holding hands. My dad told me that he has an angel up in heaven. My mom. But now he has an angel on earth with him as well. It's just weirding me out.

[Dan Soder]

It's a.

[Caller 1]

It's a lot. And to top it all off, this woman is married and is the principal of a Catholic school.

[Dan Soder]

Oh,

[Nick Mullen]

wow. Catholics are fucking hypocrites. Don't be so naive to even mention that. Like, it's weird, but go. The married thing is so funny. Is there any more Elvis? I don't know.

[Caller 1]

I thought that nothing was going on, but, you know, he was just in his grief. He was finding comfort in her. But then last night, my brother called me and said that my dad, his location was being weird because we both have our dad's location. I am not a person who checks location locations, but he would, like, check dad's location. And I checked our dad's location. He was an hour away at this Doreen, this Doreen woman. Her dad owns a condo like an hour from where my. My dad lives.

[Dan Soder]

He was at the Smash palace, but

[Caller 1]

the guy who owns it is in Texas. And my dad and Doreen were like,

[Nick Mullen]

he was hitting skins and apples. This man's fresh from the. The. The Houston Heart Center. Yeah, he's got.

[Dan Soder]

By the way, he was just going to get a checkup to make sure he could. The doctor was like, you didn't need to come down here in person. Your heart. He's like, is it good enough for sex? We're gonna monitor you. It's like that where he's. He's got one of those masks on

[Nick Mullen]

where he's blowing the.

[Dan Soder]

The ball in the air while he's on a treadmill, making sure he's this lady. Yeah. That. Just making sure he's boxing underwater, getting ready to. What's her name? Colleen. Ms. Colleen.

[Caller/Researcher]

He called her Doreen. Kind of a fake little code name.

[Nick Mullen]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

Yo.

[Nick Mullen]

He.

[Dan Soder]

Your dad is.

[Nick Mullen]

The married thing is really funny.

[Dan Soder]

It's. It's. It's perfect. It's up.

[Nick Mullen]

This turns into. She's the scumbag.

[Dan Soder]

She's the worst.

[Stavros Halkias]

What happened?

[Nick Mullen]

Okay.

[Dan Soder]

Her dead friend's ex husband, and she's married. Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

That's hilarious. She's a dumb. But here's the thing.

[Dan Soder]

That's so good.

[Nick Mullen]

Honestly, dude, what are you.

[Stavros Halkias]

What are you doing?

[Nick Mullen]

You're not. You're being very naive here. Of course your dad is gonna.

[Stavros Halkias]

This lady.

[Eldest]

It's also none of. None of your business.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Who gives it.

[Nick Mullen]

Honestly? What do you care that it's like, not right or some.

[Dan Soder]

I would tell you right now. Listen, obviously I don't have kids. I don't know about parenting. I think he should have hit you more so you weren't tracking him. He didn't scare you enough to not track him. My mother's business is my mother's business. I. I respect it. You know what I mean? She got. She hit me. She hit me with a 1, 21 New Year's Eve when I was 12 years old. That I was like, I don't ever question this woman.

[Nick Mullen]

So did he have a final qu. Like, what is he even asking us? What should he do

[Dan Soder]

is.

[Caller/Researcher]

Yeah, he said any help would be great. That's basically.

[Dan Soder]

Any help is let your dad.

[Nick Mullen]

This is what it is. Your mom is gone. That sucks.

[Dan Soder]

Deal with that.

[Nick Mullen]

Weird that he's quickly getting back.

[Eldest]

You should start the husband. You should find the husband and start having sex with him.

[Nick Mullen]

Doubtfire yourself. Seduce your father, suck your dad's dick, and then be like, now you're gay dad?

[Dan Soder]

And he went the whole time, Daniel. The whole time you go, you molested me first.

[Eldest]

Yeah. What if he found out that the. This lady's husband was the dead mom? And this whole thing.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, it's like a swinger thing.

[Eldest]

Yeah. And then he finds out at the end when the dad's dying because he doesn't talk to the dad. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, I can't talk to you anymore.

[Eldest]

And he's like, yeah, over this. And then years later, you find out, he's like, I was just getting revenge.

[Dan Soder]

Don't you understand?

[Nick Mullen]

I couldn't do it while your mom was here.

[Eldest]

We didn't spend the best years of our year. Well, neither of our lives. But sometime together before you died.

[Dan Soder]

He's like, I know. That'd be.

[Nick Mullen]

Or what if they have. What if.

[Eldest]

What if this is on Mom, Donnie, and the dad is Jeffrey Epstein?

[Nick Mullen]

That's probably what it is.

[Caller/Researcher]

Calling in.

[Dan Soder]

What if. These are all code words. Yeah, but I see what you're saying. What if the dad. What if they had an arrangement?

[Nick Mullen]

What if. Now, what if he. What if the other guy. He's in the cuck chair? Oh, what if they're g. Out this woman?

[Dan Soder]

Or what if.

[Nick Mullen]

What if the dad is sucking the guy's dick and a lady.

[Dan Soder]

Dang.

[Nick Mullen]

Something to think about.

[Eldest]

Mfm.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. What if this is an MMF situation?

[Dan Soder]

MMF situation. She's just getting. She's like, I need. She goes, now you're free.

[Nick Mullen]

But either way, whatever freaky your dad's on.

[Dan Soder]

I mean, I hate. I hate to say this about your mom, but if you die in that situation, the ultimate cucking is being in heaven and watching.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, true. Well, that's the.

[Dan Soder]

Heaven's the first cuck chair.

[Nick Mullen]

That is true. Heaven is. Heaven is the. Heaven is the first cuck chair.

[Eldest]

Well, I would imagine look down, be, like, above. You could at least jack off to it. You're in hell. It's just all.

[Nick Mullen]

Your wife and doggy.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

You just see her tit swing. You're like, stop. Yeah. You seen his nuts?

[Dan Soder]

Stop.

[Eldest]

Look at the residue dripping all over.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, my God. At least cupertin. I can't watch this bag of cake batter move around.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, man, look at. This is what happens, people, you know, what do you want them to do? Never again.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

If it wasn't honestly, pump for your dad.

[Dan Soder]

And I've never met the man.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

And maybe this relaxes his tight, conservative views because now he's out here just getting sucked and let him buy an mgb.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Let him wear glasses and slick his hair.

[Eldest]

He's Texas dad now.

[Dan Soder]

Yo, dude, he's full Texas dad down there in Texas. He's on testosterone. He's got peptides.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, yeah. I need some of those, too.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, he's just doing peptides.

[Eldest]

What are peptides?

[Dan Soder]

I don't know. I've heard guys.

[Nick Mullen]

Basically steroids, but better.

[Dan Soder]

I've just heard dudes say it.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, I'm in. Dude, I'm in. Whatever. Whatever it will take to fix my back. All right. So, yeah, your dad's gonna. Sorry, it's your mom's friend. But

[Dan Soder]

him calling in to be like, really anything could help you go, sounds like your dad's getting new puss.

[Nick Mullen]

What are you gonna do? Sit him down? Be like, stop. You know, Donna or whatever the her name is.

[Dan Soder]

I got new Doreen Nixon was leaving office.

[Caller/Researcher]

It is weird for him to be like, my dad is a super conservative, super Catholic guy, but he's the one being, like, a prude.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Caller/Researcher]

Like getting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I know.

[Caller/Researcher]

She's like, married.

[Nick Mullen]

You're being a prudent. Also, you're being naive by. Of course. You're dumbass hypocrite.

[Eldest]

There's nothing.

[Nick Mullen]

They're all pieces of that. Don't believe anything.

[Eldest]

There's not.

[Nick Mullen]

Now they're pretending it's no big deal. That trump kids.

[Eldest]

Is that against the religion to, like, fuck somebody else after your wife dies? No.

[Nick Mullen]

In fact, after your wife dies, I feel like that's kind of the one time you get new pussy.

[Dan Soder]

Check those bylaws.

[Nick Mullen]

God lets you get new pussy after your wife dies.

[Dan Soder]

Goes, whoa, that was very.

[Eldest]

That happens in the Bible a million times.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. He goes, oh, Daniel, your wife has died. How about new? Turn the page.

[Nick Mullen]

All right, well, that guy. Next question. Well, not you. Good. Good luck.

[Dan Soder]

I'm sorry, man. Here, listen. This is an opportunity for you to humanize your father. He's a man just like you, and he wants. And this woman is the one breaking the marriage she has. Your dad at least waited till she died. So your dad, I would argue not as bad as a person. And everyone knows when you horrible people, it's good sex.

[Nick Mullen]

That's true.

[Dan Soder]

Let the man know.

[Nick Mullen]

Trying to think who's the worst person I. And was the good. I don't remember off the top of my head. Well, next question. Eldest.

[Caller 3]

Hey, Savvy. Eldest. And whoever else is there, I have a bit of a strange question about my boyfriend. So we've been together.

[Eldest]

He's gay. What's up? What's up?

[Nick Mullen]

What's up, baby girl? How big are your tits? Your boyfriend's gay. Show us your tits. Don't.

[Eldest]

It doesn't matter.

[Dan Soder]

Let's go.

[Eldest]

I'll meet you in Texas.

[Caller 3]

About my boyfriend. So we've been together for almost nine months or almost 10 months now.

[Nick Mullen]

Okay.

[Caller 3]

Also, I'm 25. He's 27, soon to be 28. And things have been going really, really great. Like, we've met each Other's family. Like, I'm like 99% sure this is the love of my life. And, like, we're in game. And everything else was going really well. And he asked me to do something recently that was a bit strange. And I genuinely don't know what to do about it.

[Eldest]

Hide the Hope diamond in your.

[Dan Soder]

I need you to break in.

[Eldest]

What was the painting that was stolen? I was trying to pull the.

[Dan Soder]

Didn't they.

[Eldest]

They robbed a Louvre.

[Dan Soder]

They robbed it, but I don't know which one.

[Eldest]

That's what I wanted to say.

[Nick Mullen]

But that's all right.

[Eldest]

It fell out of my head. Or I just didn't know.

[Dan Soder]

Hope Diamonds better. Funnier to put your butt.

[Nick Mullen]

The Mona Lisa.

[Eldest]

Yeah, I need you to put the Mona Lisa in your.

[Nick Mullen]

That's not bad, actually.

[Dan Soder]

That's hot.

[Nick Mullen]

Roll that up. All right, what else? I'll just go ahead.

[Caller 3]

I genuinely don't know what to do about it. So we started as like a. A fling. Like a casual relationship. Just like, kind of hooking up. And, like, the sex is really, really, really good.

[Eldest]

Yeah, I can relate.

[Caller 3]

And also, keep in mind that I.

[Nick Mullen]

Wait, is it me?

[Eldest]

Are you talking about me?

[Nick Mullen]

I remember you.

[Eldest]

Yeah, I know.

[Nick Mullen]

36. I'm not about to turn 28. Are you thinking of the right guy?

[Dan Soder]

Are you trying to change the numbers so people won't know it's me?

[Eldest]

Just one. It's about me.

[Nick Mullen]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

She goes. He comes so much. You go, yeah. Couldn't be anybody else.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, this is about me. Oh, yeah, I remember. I lied about my age. And I look so young. And I look so young. She believed me.

[Dan Soder]

You tried talking to her like she's still on the phone. Don't ask me. Hey, it's me.

[Nick Mullen]

Hey, it's me.

[Eldest]

Try.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, it's me. Hey, pick up.

[Caller 3]

And also keep in mind that I lost my virginity a month before meeting him and have only been both four people in my life.

[Eldest]

So, yeah, all of them nice months.

[Dan Soder]

He really likes guys like Mike Myers.

[Eldest]

Yeah, it's me as Dr. Evil. It's me as Bad Bastard.

[Dan Soder]

Your pussy is wet. It's wet.

[Eldest]

How about you, Don? How about ho.

[Dan Soder]

I'm gonna come on your Kiss my

[Eldest]

penis with your freaking vagina on his head.

[Dan Soder]

I'm going to shoot liquid hot magma on your tits.

[Nick Mullen]

It's awesome.

[Eldest]

1 million bus

[Nick Mullen]

Austin Bowers. Any of his dialogue would work. All he talks about is getting. Yeah, go ahead, Eldis.

[Caller 3]

The bar was set low for him and he exceeded it.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

And this is crazy.

[Caller 3]

We watched a Video where a girl, a black girl was like sitting and pissing on her boyfriend.

[Eldest]

Oh, the gold member deleted scene.

[Caller 3]

And that. He wants me to do that. And like don't get me wrong, like I have my own kinks and things like that.

[Nick Mullen]

No, you don't nothing girl.

[Dan Soder]

Right now. Don't you dare try to run up and pissing and on someone.

[Nick Mullen]

You like to get lightly choked.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, because your hair pull makes you feel nasty. This guy is trying to get happy also.

[Nick Mullen]

It's like not just piss. Once you get and piss at the

[Eldest]

same time is a bridge piss.

[Nick Mullen]

It's like, all right, I'm not pumped also, but I'll hear you out.

[Dan Soder]

At least Hitler was on methamphetamines. This guy's stone sober going, I want to watch you. At least Hitler when he was making Ava, when he was on Ava Braun was.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, yeah.

[Eldest]

Here's what I. We can do because I'm 37, I'm not a young lady like this, I can send you some of my shit to show him.

[Dan Soder]

Oh yeah.

[Eldest]

And once this guy sees the kind of shit that comes out of a 37 year old man's body, I don't think he'll be into shit anymore.

[Dan Soder]

He'll go, why does it change like that? And then I'll, I'll. And then that's when I come in.

[Eldest]

There's pennies from 1973 and that.

[Dan Soder]

And then that's when I'll kick in with my 42 year old shit. And I'll go. It barely keeps forming.

[Eldest]

Does it get worse? I don't know how it gets plateaus.

[Dan Soder]

Gets worse, gets better. Plateaus again, you get a V dip.

[Nick Mullen]

Interesting.

[Eldest]

My.

[Dan Soder]

I think the consistency in my 40s is what, you know, is what you're chasing. It's like an older quarterback.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

He's not going to throw it down the yard, but he's not going to get spooked by the pocket class.

[Eldest]

I mean me, I got. It's like Pirates of the Caribbean down there.

[Dan Soder]

It's mine. I would say most of the shitting in my 20s was mulch, like because of my drinking. So this I know mold.

[Nick Mullen]

I know about mulch.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I know that life.

[Nick Mullen]

So, all right, this girl, this guy wants to and piss on her, right? And she's like, what should I do?

[Eldest]

No, he wants her to and piss on him.

[Nick Mullen]

She wants her. He wants her. Now I think there's one more detail.

[Caller/Researcher]

He said it this one time and it hasn't come up since, but she's wondering if she should open it up. Up.

[Dan Soder]

Well, he's into it.

[Nick Mullen]

Well, yeah, that means he definitely wants.

[Eldest]

I'm gonna throw a wild card in here, taking the whole situation in its entire context. But part of the story was that she's expressed that she's more experienced than he is.

[Nick Mullen]

She's not.

[Dan Soder]

She's not. He's more experienced.

[Caller/Researcher]

She lost her virginity, like, right before they started dating. And she said she's only been with, like, four people.

[Eldest]

And then didn't she say that he has not.

[Dan Soder]

No, no, he's much more experienced.

[Nick Mullen]

Well, theoretically, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I. This is a jump from high school to the NBA. That's why they don't do this anymore.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, this, like, look, they should.

[Eldest]

Let's piss on each other in the NBA.

[Dan Soder]

All over. That's how they get all the names.

[Eldest]

I gotta start watching basketball.

[Dan Soder]

I gotta download this draft case,

[Nick Mullen]

dude. So, look, I would go back to the fact that she said 99% sure it's the love of her life.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna go ahead and knock that down a couple percentage points.

[Dan Soder]

Well, also, she just had sex.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So she thinks everybody's the love of her life.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know.

[Nick Mullen]

I think, like, look, don't go. You putting love of your life on this relationship is kind of nuts.

[Eldest]

That's also not real. There's no such thing as the love of your life.

[Nick Mullen]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Well, it's just the person you're with the longest.

[Eldest]

You find somebody that's in roughly the same socioeconomic bracket as you. Like, I mean, they speak the same language.

[Dan Soder]

That's big.

[Eldest]

I mean, that's. That's what it is.

[Dan Soder]

Sometimes they don't compare.

[Nick Mullen]

Basic companionship.

[Eldest]

But you can find companions. Like, you need somebody that's a good roommate.

[Dan Soder]

Agreed.

[Nick Mullen]

Mullen the romantic. A lot of people would ask, what's Nick been up to? He's been writing romantic poetry.

[Eldest]

I love the way you pay half the rent.

[Dan Soder]

Let's split the bill. Let me count the ways.

[Eldest]

Roses are red, violets are blue. T Mobile has a deal for two lines.

[Dan Soder]

What say you?

[Eldest]

69.92.

[Dan Soder]

He's working for Hallmark, right? He's like, both of us stepping over the bar.

[Eldest]

Both of us are allergic to dogs, so we got a cat, and now there's an Instagram, and that's good enough for me.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, dude, look, if you don't want to get and piss on.

[Stavros Halkias]

I got bad news.

[Nick Mullen]

This is not the love.

[Dan Soder]

You're gonna have to get out because this will get brought up, and then if it never happens, happens. He Will cheat on you and say it's because you don't.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Or you'll wake up one day and you'll be getting waterboarded with diarrhea.

[Eldest]

I. I think it might. Something about that just reads to me like this might be him reaching for something. Like, he's like, he's not even read something. Yeah, right. He misread. You're talking about this guy. Like, you know, you're calling into a podcast, being like. And the. The bar was set pretty low, but he exceeded or whatever. It's like, maybe this lady is having weird conversations with this guy where it's

[Nick Mullen]

like, about how good he is because it doesn't matter.

[Eldest]

You could be like, I only fuck four guys, so you don't have much to worry about. But then that guy is like, fuck four guys.

[Nick Mullen]

You know what I mean?

[Eldest]

Like, no, I haven't had a relationship where I just, you know, there was this guy and he was like 7 foot 3. And you know.

[Nick Mullen]

You know. Right.

[Eldest]

And it was. But, you know, it was almost. It was like too big. And so, you know. And then that got in his head. Yeah, right. And then this guy, next guy, he.

[Dan Soder]

He couldn't get enough.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

We could have had a relationship, but he had to go to prison. And so I don't, you know, like,

[Dan Soder]

what did he do? She goes, kill the guy in self defense.

[Eldest]

He robbed. He robbed a bank with his penis.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, he had a.

[Eldest]

He smashed open the bank. He fucked the bank vault open. And then. But then they caught him because he. He fucked the money as well. Something along those lines. So maybe it's like this guy is not, you know, know why were you watching porn together? It seems like this situation is like overly sexualized and maybe something has accidentally happened to this guy's head. Because that's a crazy jump to crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know what you're saying, but I

[Nick Mullen]

just think, unfortunately, it might be Occam's razor here. You might just want. And piss.

[Eldest]

I know. I'm just offering an alternative explanation. Yeah, but what about as an intelligence analyst, to think what could be the other story?

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, right. He's a detective. He's working all his clues.

[Nick Mullen]

So, yeah, monitor the situation. He probably is going to want this the rest of his life. If that's not something you want, move on, sister. You're still young.

[Eldest]

Or stay with him. And then, you know, you don't have to worry about that stuff until you guys are together still at age 70, when you are incontinent. And then it just happens.

[Dan Soder]

Incidentally, yeah, honestly, he can probably just find where you do it and roll around in it.

[Nick Mullen]

I think the thrill is probably the hot fresh.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, I think he wants it right out of the machine. He want donut that got plopped right down.

[Nick Mullen]

One element that seems that I might understand is the temperature.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. He doesn't want reheated poop.

[Nick Mullen]

Like I don't want to get on either way, but I'd rather. I guess I'd rather have body temperature than cold piss.

[Dan Soder]

But him being so desperate that he goes and rolls around in it.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, no good. So yeah, good luck, sister.

[Eldest]

Or you know what? Just do it once, do it once, do it one. Because either way it's like either you do it once. He lost it once.

[Nick Mullen]

You got to break up with him.

[Dan Soder]

He's going to think you're going to do it.

[Eldest]

Yeah, do it once.

[Dan Soder]

Give him.

[Nick Mullen]

She loves it.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

What?

[Eldest]

If you like it, you do it once. He hates it. When. If you like, just ignore it. This is going to become a festival.

[Nick Mullen]

Either way you will get more valuable information because you will either know, do I like it? Does he like it?

[Dan Soder]

Also you learn like, can you shit and piss on command?

[Nick Mullen]

That's a good skill to have.

[Dan Soder]

Honestly, I wish I had the piss on command better at sports games.

[Eldest]

And this is not a thing where he can like cheat on you. You know what I mean? It's not like this guy can like go secretly meet a woman, something somewhere like the. The level of investment into. Because he has to go through this whole process with somebody else.

[Nick Mullen]

I think we're talking about specialized sex workers here. If you're gonna cheat,

[Dan Soder]

is that like

[Nick Mullen]

high fiber diet prostitutes?

[Dan Soder]

Do you think there's like a SEAL Team 6 that comes in and it'll sit on your chest if you hire

[Nick Mullen]

Definitely like people who specialize.

[Dan Soder]

And that's crazy. Imagine being Norton.

[Nick Mullen]

I get. I guarantee you knows about this.

[Dan Soder]

Imagine being a hooker's boyfriend. First that's stuff. But the second one that shits on people.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. And she's like, sorry, come on, finish your grape Nuts. So we're not going to be able to get rent this month.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. I need you to. I need you to down this protein shake you have been watery and see through for a long time.

[Nick Mullen]

I've heard a lot of complaints. Eat your kale.

[Dan Soder]

Pimping, pimping a girl out. But he's like, you got a baby.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Have some garbanzo beans.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, we got it.

[Nick Mullen]

You eat your garbanzos. You.

[Eldest]

That'd be a cool pimp. Who Specializes in that. He's got a cane with a toilet on top. He's just got all porcelain jewelry.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, you know. You know the difference between United States and Australia?

[Eldest]

What's up, baby? They call me Flush.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, he goes flush. The difference is the toilet flushes backwards. You got. You treat me like an Australian toilet. You flushing the other way, bitch.

[Nick Mullen]

The money can't be going, going that way. Baby gotta come this way.

[Dan Soder]

The money gotta come flush.

[Nick Mullen]

The money come to flush.

[Eldest]

They call me royal.

[Nick Mullen]

This ain't Australia.

[Dan Soder]

First week I put a on tortilla diet. Just tortilla. I got that eating nothing but carbohydrates. Second week, that's when the attack happens.

[Nick Mullen]

All right, next question.

[Caller 2]

Eldest, hi St. Hi Eldest, Hi guest. I am a first time caller. Just a really tricky one here.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, we'll see about that.

[Caller 2]

I work in a job that has commission as part of the pay package. And one of the ways we work towards closing deals is to get on this select list. And to get onto that select list you have to have a certain amount of conversations with close clients, a certain amount of contacts. In this real quick.

[Nick Mullen]

Of course, which right, right behind Ellis on the left. Play us a call. You're the gay sex man.

[Caller 2]

I'm sort of new in my branch. There's a couple people who've been here for 10 years, 15 years, 25 years. And I've recently found that the information is public and found that they are all capping like crazy. They're all, all faking the amount of contacts and conversations they have with clients. They'll meet with a couple and count it as four contacts instead of two. They'll count random things they do with contacts. And I'm sort of in a tough position just because it will make.

[Nick Mullen]

When I joined Cutco, I thought this was just.

[Eldest]

This is like standing society. We were putting calorie in tattletail night with these calls. Or like, oh, my dad is doing. He went to church, but he's stop

[Dan Soder]

my dad from getting

[Nick Mullen]

an rip.

[Eldest]

The other people at work are cheating.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, for real. Okay, keep going, Elder.

[Caller 2]

Just because it will make a lot of people unhappy. But it will be more fair if I was to mention it to my manager. I'm leaning towards not mentioning it. Dude, you think they don't? Because it makes too many people unhappy.

[Nick Mullen]

This guy thinks his managers don't know his co workers are lying. You think you're the guy who figured it all out? This is insane, dude. What a naive guy I would be.

[Dan Soder]

If I listen to your Podcast. And I recognize this voice as the guy I worked with. It would create an instant villain for me. I'm gonna kill this.

[Nick Mullen]

This isn't fair.

[Eldest]

I'm doing this above board and at work. He's the guy wearing like a Stav shirt and a stuff.

[Nick Mullen]

No, no,

[Dan Soder]

guys. Three weeks till he's coming through town.

[Eldest]

He's got that calendar in his cubicle, and they're like.

[Dan Soder]

He tries to do his own, but it's shittier.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

I did my own STO calendar. No one asked. Yeah, I thought people wanted it.

[Eldest]

It's just.

[Dan Soder]

He's like.

[Eldest]

He's like rail thin. It's him upside, he's a.

[Dan Soder]

You can see his whole dick and balls.

[Eldest]

He's trying to give it to the. The woman he works with.

[Dan Soder]

And I did it. No. Are you. Do you know Stavros? Here, I'll show you his special.

[Nick Mullen]

And he just like sits like this while they watch it on his phone.

[Eldest]

Oh, yeah.

[Dan Soder]

So he's from Baltimore. They're explaining Ronnie the character and their Hugo. She goes, I don't like football. I don't like football. I don't watch it.

[Nick Mullen]

What is this? Tattletail?

[Caller 2]

Have to a lot of payoff. Like I wouldn't be making.

[Nick Mullen]

You're not the Joker.

[Caller 2]

My bone of desire for justice and fairness. That makes me want to say something. And I also work with somebody else who wants to say something because it. It does take away from what we can make, but just also cheat. Just don't think it's enough payoff. And this guy thinks he's.

[Eldest]

Yeah, look, take that energy, but buy a. Then go to Minneapolis. And if you're that concerned, if you

[Nick Mullen]

want to talk about truth and justice.

[Eldest]

Yeah, right.

[Nick Mullen]

Go.

[Eldest]

Can't even find them in Minecraft or whatever.

[Nick Mullen]

We'll bleep it.

[Eldest]

Whatever you got.

[Nick Mullen]

Just enough. Don't.

[Eldest]

No. Just add them. The Minecraft parts. Minecraft is fine.

[Dan Soder]

I can't believe these people are selling gym memberships to people who aren't going to go anymore.

[Nick Mullen]

Dude, the world is you to want work at a dumb company. It doesn't matter. You're talking about justice.

[Dan Soder]

Unless your owner of the company's name is the company's name, you can't go to anybody that's 100%. It's like if you go. Tom Duracell of Duracell Battery. Yeah.

[Eldest]

I'm trying to think what this industry could possibly be where you would get that fired up about it. And nothing is.

[Dan Soder]

I'm like child cancer medication.

[Eldest]

Yeah. Like Medical equipment or something or like I. But no, there's not all he's talk.

[Nick Mullen]

All he's bad about is that these people are juicing their meeting stats or whatever.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, right.

[Caller/Researcher]

He said. He said if you like, say that you have enough meetings with people, you get like better leads or, you know.

[Nick Mullen]

So, dude, you.

[Caller/Researcher]

You like, go to the front of the line.

[Dan Soder]

Is it all salesmanship?

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're. You're in sales.

[Eldest]

It's Shelly Levine, dude.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, it is.

[Eldest]

It really is. Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Well, first you're selling and then. Love you.

[Nick Mullen]

Stop giving me all these back.

[Eldest]

Your man.

[Nick Mullen]

Your.

[Eldest]

You're worse than. Yes.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Wasn't. Wasn't a big plot point that they were. The guys were mad that they were getting Indian leads or whatever.

[Dan Soder]

They were getting.

[Eldest]

They were getting. They were getting the bad leads. And then Shelly lavine breaks in and steals the good leads.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

Then he lets it slip when he's trying to. All over.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

Williamson. What's his name?

[Nick Mullen]

But yeah. Dude, you're. Stop. Care. Stop thinking life is fair. You work in sales. You're a scumbag.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. If anything, get blackmail on the most important person of that company.

[Nick Mullen]

Absolutely.

[Eldest]

Yeah. Use that information to your benefit. Don't to be a tattletale.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just also start cheating.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's.

[Nick Mullen]

You're not in a. You're not in a. In a. In an industry where, like morality exists or matters.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, you know what? The first salesman that told me that things weren't working well here, I've got a bonus for that.

[Nick Mullen]

Right.

[Dan Soder]

Million dollar bonus.

[Nick Mullen]

You think it's that or getting fired? Because if there's. If I had to pick one of.

[Dan Soder]

Charles. This is the first time anyone's been honest. And I've been waiting for this.

[Eldest]

People like that usually, like if you probably. If you told your boss you'd get fired. Yes.

[Dan Soder]

You turn around and go, shut the fuck up. I can't put this in a report. We'll see.

[Nick Mullen]

Started that. If you started that. Got promoted and I was the boss.

[Eldest]

If you tell your boss about a systemic problem, you're. You are the problem.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

He reads it. He's like, are you with me?

[Nick Mullen]

You didn't email this, right?

[Eldest]

This isn't.

[Nick Mullen]

This isn't in the company laws.

[Dan Soder]

Have you talked?

[Nick Mullen]

We can make this go away, right? I want you to keep your job.

[Dan Soder]

You're the.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, you put it in writing. Okay. Well, you're fired.

[Dan Soder]

Thank you for your time. I don't know what to tell you.

[Eldest]

I really want to watch Glengarry Glen Ro. And anytime I've mention it, you got Jack Lemon fever. Yeah, big time. Big time. If I go across the street, they had it at Village east or something. That'd be perfect. That would be perfect. Tonight go get some Chinese food and watch.

[Nick Mullen]

It's not bad. I don't think they're showing Glengarry.

[Eldest]

I know, but I'll call over there. Use your grown man fan voice and

[Dan Soder]

call over if my friend Nick Glenn

[Eldest]

Gary Glenn Ross on.

[Dan Soder]

If you don't, I'm gonna send ice

[Eldest]

she her on the phone.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Someone is very upset.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Nick Mullen]

I love it.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Nick Mullen]

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[Nick Mullen]

Give us something fun to go out on.

[Caller 3]

Elvis, Bobby, baby, how we doing?

[Dan Soder]

We're doing great.

[Caller 3]

Hello, Elvis. Hello, amazing guest. I hope you're all doing wonderful and as beautiful as your parents. So I have a quickie question. I can't really give any trigger warnings here. I don't think I really need to. So. My grandpa passed away a few years ago.

[Dan Soder]

Guys, you can't do grandpa deaths with Nick.

[Eldest]

He was raped by your grandpa.

[Dan Soder]

It wasn't even his.

[Eldest]

You can't say grandpa.

[Dan Soder]

You can't say grandpa around Nick. That's where he's been. We've been trying to fix this.

[Nick Mullen]

Go ahead, eldest.

[Caller 3]

We're just now getting through all of his stuff.

[Nick Mullen]

All right.

[Dan Soder]

Shout out. I went through that.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, yeah.

[Caller 3]

I've run into a bit of an issue. And donating his things. And that he had just too much Nazi memorabilia. A small mountain of pork porn. Say that he had a small respect. He's. I. It's got to be over a hundred magazines, my guy.

[Dan Soder]

And we're first off. You are so lucky you're finding magazines.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

It's also chicken and rice version of porn.

[Eldest]

That is so tame.

[Dan Soder]

It's so tame.

[Eldest]

It's like you can put them on. You can put them on ebay. You can put old Playboys on ebay.

[Dan Soder]

You can make money off that porn.

[Nick Mullen]

I kind of want. I want some porno mags.

[Dan Soder]

Vintage porn.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You're so lucky that it wasn't 8 millimeter footage of a boy that was missing on a milk carton. Like, you could have found something in your grandpa's stash that you're like, oh, my God.

[Nick Mullen]

You said you went through your grandma stuff.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, I was worried about it. I found one letter of my dad being whipped when he was 25, after he divorced his first wife. Very funny to read that.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Because he, like, he's got new like that kid's dad. And he's like, she's the best. She's the best thing I've ever had in my life. And my mom dated my dad like a year or two later. And I was like, do you know about this lady? And she was like, no, that was your dad lived in Southern California. I didn't know was going on down there.

[Nick Mullen]

That's beautiful. Like just one generation ago we knew so much less about everyone.

[Dan Soder]

Dude.

[Nick Mullen]

It made him didn't need to low.

[Dan Soder]

That's why standards were higher.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

You didn't have.

[Nick Mullen]

You were lying because you were lying like that last guy.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Everyone was pretending to be better than they were.

[Eldest]

You're allowed to lie all the time. That's why. I mean and I've said it a million times, but like the Elizabeth Warren getting like canceled over the is.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

That's like have you met.

[Nick Mullen]

That's one of the most classic white people.

[Eldest]

It makes her more authentic for her to be like, well, yeah, that's my. My Cherokee eyelid.

[Nick Mullen]

That's true.

[Eldest]

You know, it's. I'm 1-32- Cherokee. So anytime it's. It's a little rain.

[Dan Soder]

Before she got in trouble for that white people we would always pull it up when they have to do anything with nature. Where you go actually I could take tell the. The mud is wet. I'm a. I'm a 14th Arapahoe.

[Eldest]

Yeah, right, right, right.

[Nick Mullen]

I come from trackers. A long line of trackers.

[Dan Soder]

That eagle senses water. I can hear it from it screeching.

[Nick Mullen]

No, truly, literally every white kid I

[Dan Soder]

grew up with Colorado, everybody's personality was that. You know how much teal people were wearing because they said they had an uncle standing rock.

[Eldest]

A folksy lie like that is. Is. Is authentic.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

And then the people were like, oh, well that makes her a liar. It's like, no, it doesn't.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, I'm with you.

[Eldest]

That pretending she wants universal healthcare. That makes her.

[Nick Mullen]

That makes her.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Pretending she gives a about us at all. I. This woman. You.

[Nick Mullen]

You okay.

[Dan Soder]

You sell it.

[Nick Mullen]

She found some porno. Is there more porno mags?

[Caller 3]

We're talking full bush. We're talking 80s, 60s, 70s.

[Nick Mullen]

Nice.

[Caller 3]

Like what is this dude cool.

[Dan Soder]

105, 80s, 90s and now.

[Eldest]

And you're saying it in a way as if it's bad. You're. We're talking Playboy Club International. Yeah. Right.

[Dan Soder]

Hustler.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

We're talking I love this horn articles. Yeah.

[Dan Soder]

Interviews with Terry Br.

[Eldest]

I'm not here. You're saying it like it's bad, but

[Dan Soder]

it seems like an upcoming look at the second season of Al

[Caller 3]

found it like years ago. And then in Going through all this stuff, I found the whole stash. We've got vhs, we've got cassette, we've got a couple Game Boy games. Yeah. So my question is, what. What should I do with this

[Dan Soder]

donated?

[Caller 3]

Do I take it to my donate it sex shop and, you know, maybe they can do something with it.

[Nick Mullen]

This is a gold.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is your inheritance.

[Caller 3]

What should I do? All this porn.

[Nick Mullen]

Can you send us some? First of all, we would be honored to have some of your grandfather's pornography in the new studio.

[Dan Soder]

Not only that, but, I mean, Nick and I would have to come back if you did an unveiling way to go through it.

[Nick Mullen]

I would love Send it to st.

[Eldest]

I would love to have an autistic YouTube channel where I do pornography unboxing, like hardcore. Okay. Welcome to Pussy Surprises. Okay, today's box.

[Dan Soder]

Hey, it's Glory Hole. It's Nick.

[Eldest]

We're ripping wax here. Today on.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, this is a vivid movie. Oh, wow.

[Eldest]

Her clit. Oh, wow.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, wow. Oh, oh, wow.

[Eldest]

They're burning her clit with a branding arm.

[Dan Soder]

This is a classic. This is a classic Rocco Sifredi movie.

[Eldest]

Yeah, yeah. Wow. Rocco, renowned for his girth.

[Nick Mullen]

That would be awesome asexual porno.

[Dan Soder]

A guy that clearly isn't moved by it.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

Oh, wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow.

[Dan Soder]

Oh, wow.

[Nick Mullen]

Oh, this is hard car. This card stock, it's much thicker than most.

[Dan Soder]

He actually, he's holding her up while he's giving her anal.

[Eldest]

You can get maybe 20 to $27 at this at the local flea market.

[Dan Soder]

Please send in your porn stuff.

[Nick Mullen]

We would love some of your grandma's pornography. But if you don't want to send it to us. Yeah, you should sell this. You will honestly make a killing on this.

[Dan Soder]

You'll make thousands of dollars.

[Nick Mullen]

This is. You're sitting on a gold mine for real.

[Caller/Researcher]

Or if you have a nephew or something, it could be a nice family heirloom. Pass along.

[Dan Soder]

Does she sound. Does she sound black at all?

[Eldest]

Because if this is classic when it started.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

Yes.

[Dan Soder]

If she. If this is classic black pornography, she

[Eldest]

had like a sultry kind of. There was like a.

[Nick Mullen]

Some sound towards the end.

[Eldest]

It doesn't. It didn't. It sounded.

[Nick Mullen]

I think she sounded black as well.

[Eldest]

I did it first, but then I'm

[Dan Soder]

saying you get like old, old time, 80s, like black exploitation, 70s porn.

[Nick Mullen]

That's a great point. You know, she also could be mixed great. Could have. Could be a white.

[Dan Soder]

White grandpa. Her white. The right side.

[Nick Mullen]

Or she could not. She could not be either of these.

[Dan Soder]

She could be She's a white lady.

[Nick Mullen]

Vietnamese for all we know.

[Dan Soder]

I would love that. Let's. Then we're getting into glary. Get her Gary Glitter territory.

[Nick Mullen]

Either way. But that's true.

[Eldest]

Gary, get her done. How about that fun character? That's a Gary Getter.

[Dan Soder]

Lauren Michaels.

[Eldest]

Larry, get her done.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, we're gonna do. We're gonna do it three times.

[Nick Mullen]

Larry, glue. Glitter done.

[Eldest]

Larry glitter.

[Nick Mullen]

Glitter done.

[Dan Soder]

Glitter, done.

[Eldest]

Larry the cable.

[Dan Soder]

Play it from the beginning though.

[Nick Mullen]

No.

[Dan Soder]

Or is it all over?

[Nick Mullen]

Go ahead, play.

[Caller 3]

You can play it stoppy, baby. How we doing? Hello, eldest.

[Nick Mullen]

We don't have to. We don't have to figure out this girl sounds black. We're not doing this.

[Caller/Researcher]

Tell us if you're black.

[Nick Mullen]

We are not doing this. We'll look at the pornography no matter what your race is.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. Oh, absolutely.

[Nick Mullen]

But either way. Either way, you should sell it.

[Eldest]

You should sell this.

[Nick Mullen]

Porter.

[Dan Soder]

This.

[Nick Mullen]

This is a lot. No joke.

[Dan Soder]

She's.

[Nick Mullen]

This probably is worth a lot. Like vintage porno in pretty good condition.

[Eldest]

It would have to be an amazing. They've turned everything into a collector thing now. Like basically anything rated you can be. Yes, everything's rated. So if it's like, if you've touched it, it's already. Already worthless. But if it's still in the package.

[Nick Mullen]

I feel like there's got to be more grace for porno mags given how bad they can.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, but they don't put them in those sleeves like comic books.

[Eldest]

Yeah. If they're in a sleeve, I mean, it's.

[Dan Soder]

They're battling the elements.

[Nick Mullen]

Put it in the sleeve.

[Eldest]

I saw on ebay, like a box of Pokemon cards from 1998 is 35, 000 and people buy that.

[Nick Mullen]

That's insane.

[Eldest]

Yeah, they're like into that. But then the box is great. You can't open them. They have a box. Box sealed and then that's graded. They're like, oh, there's a little dent here. So that's. Now it's worth five bucks. Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

So look, we hope your grandpa wasn't too rough on these mags as he was jacking his. And we hope they're in good shape,

[Eldest]

but there's a lot of them.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah, get the ones with the less mileage and send them.

[Nick Mullen]

I think. No, you can. You can send us some fucked up ones. You can sell the good ones. We just want a little. A little piece of your grandpa's pornography collection and then you still studio. But I think. I think what you do is sell them because I really do think you could make a good amount of money.

[Dan Soder]

There's people out there that would pay good money for that.

[Eldest]

The good ones you should send in to get graded.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Is there a pornography grader?

[Eldest]

I think they grade everything now. There's one company that. Because people complain online that they've ruined, like, you know, if you just want stuff from your child.

[Nick Mullen]

Right, right.

[Eldest]

They grade everything now. So, like, you can't just get things right.

[Nick Mullen]

Right, right.

[Eldest]

They're all like, you know, way expensive.

[Nick Mullen]

So look. Yeah, good. Good on your grandpa. I think you're sitting on at least a couple G's. Here is my. Is my inclination.

[Dan Soder]

I would. If we're. Yeah, I would guess.

[Nick Mullen]

How much would you pay for. It's like a 60s, like, porno mag with some tits out. I would pay top dollar for that.

[Dan Soder]

50 bucks easily.

[Eldest]

I pay 50, maybe me 1275.

[Nick Mullen]

12.

[Dan Soder]

6.99.

[Eldest]

Yeah. Local taxes, $12.75 sales tax for a 1960s Playboy. That's been touched. All touched up.

[Dan Soder]

You don't even know who's in it, though. Also, what kind of Sophia Loren.

[Eldest]

Sophia Loren. I'll pay for Elizabeth Hurley. Beyonce.

[Nick Mullen]

Elizabeth Hurley.

[Dan Soder]

Zoron Momdami is a baby. Epstein sold his baby.

[Eldest]

Yeah, Epstein. Zoron as a baby.

[Nick Mullen]

Dude. Some guy sent me the literally most clearly AI picture of the two of Zoran as a child. Doesn't, you know, just. It just looks a brown.

[Eldest]

Oh, with Bill Gates. Well, the funny.

[Dan Soder]

I really thought.

[Nick Mullen]

I was like, are you like. I usually don't respond, but I was like, dude.

[Eldest]

It's also that. That picture, they're standing like, in the middle of Fifth Avenue. It's like, at no point where, like, you know, Bill Clinton, that's the president and Bill Gates, they wouldn't just be hanging out for lunch.

[Nick Mullen]

It's hilarious to accuse a child of being on Epstein's island. That means he was being raped on that. No children got.

[Eldest]

Of all that I saw today, my favorite one was people posting. Like, I saw one where they're posting comparison pictures of Zoron and Jeffrey Epstein to show that he's a son. And it's just that they're both smiling.

[Dan Soder]

That's really funny.

[Eldest]

You know, they're like, jeffrey Epstein smiles.

[Dan Soder]

Zoron Mom, Donnie smiles.

[Nick Mullen]

They really. Zora really has turned people into insane.

[Dan Soder]

Dude, he broke everyone's brain when he goes, I'm not going to Israel.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah, Respect.

[Dan Soder]

Thanks, dude. And they were like, like, what?

[Nick Mullen]

You're the mayor of New York, dude.

[Dan Soder]

The fact you need to eat a bagel within the first hour.

[Nick Mullen]

The fact that seven out of the eight were like, Israel, Israel, Israel.

[Dan Soder]

It's crazy.

[Eldest]

Who's the guy that was like the dork where he's like, yep. Well, I would make my fourth trip to Israel followed by my fifth trip to Israel.

[Nick Mullen]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Eldest]

What was that? What was that guy's name?

[Dan Soder]

I remember who you're talking.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Crazy.

[Dan Soder]

He goes, I would have two servings of Israel.

[Nick Mullen]

And it's like, how about you just be. Do the job of the city mayor of Toledo, have to go to Israel.

[Dan Soder]

Yeah. He's like, ah, dude, I got to go to Berlin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Eldest]

I think the answer is yes.

[Dan Soder]

I think they do.

[Eldest]

I think they do.

[Nick Mullen]

Anyway. Well, sell the pornography, you know, Know. That's about it. And I think that that was the. That was the one you had dialed up to go out on eldis. Excellent. Excellent. Well, salute to you, fellas. Thanks for coming.

[Eldest]

Thanks for the A&W0, the Coca Cola seltzers.

[Nick Mullen]

The U.N. you know, we get busy with the dice.

[Eldest]

I don't know what the hell the holiday vanilla Coke is. It seems like it's. But is it different than regular vanilla Coke?

[Nick Mullen]

I don't know.

[Eldest]

Yeah.

[Nick Mullen]

Holiday.

[Eldest]

Holiday. Yes. Br.

[Nick Mullen]

British. It's holiday.

[Eldest]

That might be the only holiday when you're off work.

[Nick Mullen]

I've said I got. Those are my final holiday. The holiday sodas.

[Eldest]

Are you stocked up December time? You got about 45.

[Nick Mullen]

I got so many in December.

[Dan Soder]

No joke.

[Eldest]

I'm a diet because, oh, there's a storm coming in nine weeks.

[Nick Mullen]

I better get all the diet vanilla right now.

[Dan Soder]

It's all joke until it actually is.

[Nick Mullen]

Everyone's having a nice time with them, though. I didn't hear any complaint when you were drinking them.

[Eldest]

I'm not complaining now. I'm just saying what happened.

[Nick Mullen]

That's going to do it for us, folks. We will see you go see these fellows on the road. See us at Radio City and wherever else we're coming. We'll see you next time. Bye. Bye.

[Eldest]

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[Dan Soder]

We're still building with more construction, more

[Eldest]

communities and more homes available every day. Tap your screen now or visit drhorton.com to find your new home now ready. Dr. Horton, America's builder and equal housing opportunity builder. Hey, y', all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder what if? Like, what if it doesn't fit? Little to the left. No, wait.

[Nick Mullen]

Yep.

[Eldest]

Should have gone with Wayfair. Or what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. Should have ordered from Wayfair. Or what if it's that material that makes that noise?

[Nick Mullen]

It was a sofa. I swear.

[Eldest]

With Wayfair, there's no what if.

[Nick Mullen]

Just style you love, quality you can

[Eldest]

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