#174 - Matteo Lane

Summary

Stavvy’s World #174 – Matteo Lane (March 30, 2026)

Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Matteo Lane
Main Theme: Comedy careers, acting gigs, showbiz in today’s world, queer experiences, cosmetic procedures, Broadway, dating advice, pop culture, and listener call-ins.

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Episode Overview

In a warm, freewheeling discussion, Stavros welcomes comedian and frequent guest Matteo Lane. The two dive into the quirks of the entertainment business—from stand-up to acting roles to Broadway. They riff on body image and “typecasting” in showbiz, the comedy of cosmetic enhancements, queer experiences as performers, and the odd indignities of adulthood. The main part of the show is dedicated to listener call-ins, with the pair offering no-nonsense, funny, and often heartfelt advice on relationships, sex, self-image, and navigating societal stigmas.

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1. Welcome and Catching Up (01:10-07:30)

Setting the Scene

• Matteo returns to Stav’s impromptu downtown studio.
• The pair reminisce about trying to coordinate each other’s podcast appearances, comedic auditions, and early acting gigs:
  • “Who gave Stavros his first acting role?” – Matteo, jokingly claiming credit. (02:31)
• Matteo and Stav swap stories about low-budget film projects: Stav played “Fat John” in "Call Girl of Cthulhu"; Matteo played “faggot” in an Amazon rom-com (his words, first three drafts!), before they named his character “Aaron.” Both reflect on how superficial and type-driven casting can be.

Insights and Humor

• Attitude toward acting vs. comedy:
  • They poke fun at how seriously actors take it, while as comedians they’re practical, just wanting not to “look like a fucking idiot.”
• Notable Quote:
  • Stavros: “Just tell me exactly what you want. I’m not interested in art.” (05:48)

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2. The Showbiz Treadmill: Roles, Aging, and Broadway (07:30-16:00)

Transitioning Through Roles

• Typecasting and “ageing into” roles:
  • Stav notes how being “fat and bald” is actually a career advantage in his 40s: “No one wants a fat, bald ingénue... this is my prime!”
  • Matteo jokes about being relegated to “best friend of a white lady” in Hallmark movies, and devising his own character: “My name’s Deb, and I work at the Wawa. My daughter’s name is Deb too, and so’s our dog.”
• Matteo preparing for Broadway:
  • He’s doing workshops for “Chicago” as Billy Flynn, fitting in musical theater between his touring schedule.

Joys and Anxieties

• Both acknowledge that, for all the stress, performing with friends and a consistent crew is what makes long-term projects special.
• Notable Quote:
  • “It’s almost like a Super Saiyan gay... I would love to be singing a bit, back in vocal practice...” – Matteo (06:56)

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3. Hair, Beards, Cosmetic Enhancements, and Identity (13:30-21:30)

Experiments with Appearance

• Hair transplants and beard plugs:
  • Matteo discusses hair restoration and beard plugs (“They put it all in... can connect it”), and invites Stav to try beard plugs.
• Barbershop culture:
  • Matteo describes Dominican-and-gay barbershop banter; Elders, the producer, shares trusting a tattooed Ukrainian barber before his wedding.
• This segues into musings on body image, dyeing beards, AI photo filters, and “becoming an old Greek man.”

Notable Quotes

• “Fat bald guy with a beard is a great look. The Santa Claus look.” – Stavros (21:10)
• “I’m AI-ing myself in life.” – Matteo (20:10)

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4. Pop Culture, Witchcraft, Celebrity Facelifts, and Lindsay Lohan (09:45-15:28)

• The duo riff on Lindsay Lohan’s dramatic facial transformation:
  • “Her face looks... it’s a miracle. It’s literally insane.” – Stavros (10:00)
• Speculation about sorcery in Dubai, over-the-top cosmetic fixes, and classic Greek/Italian family dynamics.
• Anecdote about Dina Lohan, AI profile pics among Greek elders, and digital body enhancement trends.

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5. Sex Tourism, Gay Travel, and Thailand Stories (21:44-25:19)

• Matteo recounts a trip to Thailand and Cambodia, including:
  • Comedic observations on non-sexual massages in a stereotypically sexualized destination.
  • Bamusing speculation: Is Thailand a gay sex tourism spot? “Thailand is gay.” (24:45)
• Food Glories and Tropical Beaches:
  • Chiang Mai, Bangkok, and exotically beautiful landscapes.
• Notable Moment:
  • Stavros: “I want a nice place by the beach... they’re gonna jack you off on the beach.” (24:17)

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6. Musicals, Broadway, and Pop-Cultural Deep Dives (28:18-44:47)

Broadway and Movie Musicals

• Matteo’s upcoming role in “Chicago”; both discuss the difficulty and appeal of musicals for non-initiates.
• Stavros’ resistance to musicals, rooted in childhood snub for the role of Charlie Brown, and reflection on “jock” posturing.
• The “Wicked” plot is deconstructed, with hilarious confusion about the origins of Elphaba’s green skin, Munchkin-style apartheid, and opaque storylines:
  • “Who’s green? What’s the drink?” – Stavros, exasperated, (37:16)
  • “It does sound stupid as I say it out loud.” – Matteo (35:16)

Liza Minnelli/Judy Garland Lore

• Matteo, an authority on Broadway icons, delivers:
  • Bizarre, true tales of Garland family lineage (“Liza Minnelli: two generations gay”).
  • Notable line:
    • “My mom’s Liza Minnelli, but I...” becomes the running joke for the episode. (41:37)

Showbiz Generational Trauma

• Lament for the drill-sergeant showbiz childhoods (Judy, Liza, Michael Jackson).
• Discussion of inherited talent, pain, and eventual “talent weapon” outcomes.

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7. Ariana Grande, Straight Musical Theater Guys, and Pop-Goss (44:04-47:42)

• Musings on Ariana Grande, her “on-set romance” with the only straight musical theater guy on a production:
  • “He won the ultimate prize.” – Stavros (45:39)
• Gendered “scumbag” double standards in celebrity relationships.

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8. Comedy About Aging Musicals – “Grease” and Cast Ages (46:48-49:53)

• Riffing on the fact that “Grease” cast members were well into their 30s and 40s, playing high schoolers.

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9. Listener Call-Ins & Advice (52:56–104:43)

Call #1: Trans Woman Seeking Men with Small Penises (52:56–59:21)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Post-surgery, her anatomy is tight, requiring smaller partners for comfortable sex.
• Advice:
  • Be upfront in online profiles, state requirements (“Five and under!”)
  • Flip the narrative: “If your dick is little, we’re scientifically engineering a new type of woman specifically for the little dick.” – Stavros (55:02)
• Notable Quotes:
  • Matteo: “Advertise it like the ‘learn to play guitar’ ads!” (55:06)

Call #2: Betrayed Dad After Cheating (59:34–71:26)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Wife of seven years, mother of his child, cheated for 8 months; he’s heartbroken, self-conscious about “begging her back.”
• Advice:
  • Validate that it’s not “bitch” behavior to want to fix his family.
  • Therapy/counseling is crucial.
  • Focus first on stability for the child, not immediate reconciliation.
  • Both Matteo & Stav stress: “Co-parent, build stability, and then try for repair if it’s right.”

Call #3: Hospice Nurse with OnlyFans—When to Tell Dates? (71:40–83:01)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Balancing a successful solo OnlyFans page with mainstream dating and societal stigma.
• Advice:
  • Be upfront (ideally around dates 2–4, when connection feels real).
  • Trust that “insecure straight guys” will be weeded out.
  • “Own it, don’t ask permission, don’t express shame.” – Matteo (82:28)
• Notable Moment:
  • Running gag: “My mom’s Liza Minnelli...I know good performance!”

Call #4: Girlfriend Talks Through Movies (85:11–96:45)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Girlfriend constantly talks during movie nights, ruining his enjoyment.
• Advice:
  • Establish “talkie vs. watch” movie nights.
  • Communicate (“It drives me crazy!”), don’t just stew.
  • Use favorite/serious movies for quiet; dumb, fun movies for chats.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Stewing is never good.” – Matteo (93:19)
• Insight:
  • Discussion delves into Greek/Italian family TV chaos and the evolving ways we “watch” together.

Call #5: Eating Out a Partner with Herpes (97:31–104:38)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Loves oral sex, but his girlfriend has herpes; unsure about risk.
• Advice:
  • Talk to a real doctor—as comedians, their consensus is that antivirals and no outbreak = low risk, but caller should confirm with a doctor.
  • Open communication with his girlfriend about fears/insecurities is also suggested.

Call #6: Is it Wrong to Demand a Hot Masseuse? (104:43–114:38)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Wonders if it’s “morally incorrect” to prefer only attractive masseuses (even male!).
• Advice:
  • It’s not “evil,” but it’s definitely vain and weird, especially if you only want hot people to do non-sexual jobs.
  • This “looksmaxxing” impulse connects to shallow, even reactionary societal standards.
  • “Most people aren’t hot! It’s just weird.” – Stavros (108:52)
  • “You gotta interrogate that feeling.” – Matteo (114:33)
• Fun Philosophical Riff:
  • Western/Greek ideals, AI faces, social media curation, and more.

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10. Bonus: Wholesomeness vs. Ableism in Listener Community (115:58–118:40)

• Brief call responding to a previous episode: a listener roots for a guy with a “deep Canadian voice” to embrace streaming and lean into his quirks.
• Stavros commends the wholesome spirit sometimes found in corners of the internet.

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11. End-of-Show Banter and Plugs (118:40–120:45)

• Matteo announces an upcoming show in Athens, Greece; Stav plans to visit Greece and may join.
• Plugs for shows, podcasts, and the hope for more in-person hangs.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “My mom’s Liza Minnelli, but I...” (41:37) – Used throughout, hilariously, as a title for random hypotheticals.
• Matteo, about beard plugs: “You could get my full beard connected...Four days and you’re done.” (20:35)
• On beauty standards: “Not everyone in life has to look like your explorer page.” – Matteo (110:36)
• “Advertise that you’re looking for the small dick. This is not a joke!” – Matteo (55:06)
• “We’re scientifically engineering a new type of woman specifically for the little dick.” – Stavros (55:02)
• “Stewing is never good.” – Matteo (93:19)

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Key Takeaways

• On Acting & Showbiz:
  • Embrace your “type”—lean into what makes you unique, and find the joy in collaboration.
• On Sex & Dating:
  • Be explicit and honest about your needs—whether it’s sexual preferences, relationship traumas, or unconventional careers.
• On Self-Image:
  • Own your choices, whether it’s hair plugs, beard dye, or digital enhancements—but recognize the line where vanity, shame, and real connection meet.
• On Relationships:
  • Stuff that bugs you? Talk it out, don’t stew.
• On Judgment:
  • The world is not curated for your pleasure; a little humility and open-mindedness go a long way.

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Timestamps for Quick Reference

• 01:10 – Welcome, acting roles, auditions.
• 07:30 – Typecasting, “aging into” showbiz, Broadway talk.
• 13:30 – Hair, beard plugs, barbershop anecdotes.
• 21:44 – Thailand travel, gay sex tourism chat.
• 28:18 – “Chicago,” musicals, childhood arts trauma.
• 35:16–38:12 – “Wicked” plot confusion.
• 41:37 – “My mom’s Liza Minnelli...”—running joke.
• 44:04 – Ariana Grande/straight musical theater discourse.
• 46:48 – Aging in “Grease.”
• 52:56 – Call-ins begin: trans woman + small penises.
• 59:34 – Cheating, reconciliation, therapy advice.
• 71:40 – OnlyFans nurse; dating, disclosure.
• 85:11 – Girlfriend won’t stop talking during movies.
• 97:31 – Herpes and oral sex quandary.
• 104:43 – Hot masseuses and the morality of hotness.
• 115:58 – Listener encouragement for quirky streamer.
• 118:40 – Closing banter, Athens plans, plugs.

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The episode’s tone is friendly, irreverent, and honest—offering sharp comedic insights with a big heart. Whether it’s showbiz gossip or sincere life advice, Matteo and Stav deliver with charm and hilarity.

Transcript

[Stavros Halkias]

Nirvana the Band the Show the movie is being hailed as a miracle and absolutely what all our tax dollars should be for. Nirvana the Band to show the movie is 98% certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, this could have insane ramifications. Oh, my God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Critics are raving that it's a laugh riot future classic that'll leave you in disbelief that they didn't get arrested.

[Mateo Lane]

I have a feeling that right off the bat, they're gonna ask for an encore.

[Stavros Halkias]

Watch it on digital now. One of my favorite comedies of the last few years was Jury Duty, season one. Such an inventive show with such funny people. And there's a new installment that ups the stakes right now in season two. Jury Duty presents Company Retreat. The groundbreaking social experiment leaves the courthouse for a corporate retreat in the mountains. Trust falls. Anyone? The retreat is for Rockin Grandma's hot Sauce. Great name. The company's fake. Everyone's an actor except one unsuspecting gentleman, Anthony the. That's the setup. Expect bigger laughs and some heartfelt moments that might get those eyes misty. Watch Jury Duty presents Company Retreat, now streaming on Prime Video.

[Mateo Lane]

OPA.

[Stavros Halkias]

Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-stuff. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. Returning to the couch, our pal, Mateo Lane.

[Mateo Lane]

I won't find it not funny. Yeah, the Greek music. I just won't find it not funny. I don't think many people grew up around Greek, so for me, I did.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you get it. You understand. It's a very joyous start to the show. We're happy to have you back in our temporary.

[Mateo Lane]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Downtown Studios in an undisclosed location. Hopefully, we will. Very well. Actually, I can't even say very soon we'll be in the proper studio because we won't be. But, you know, in a month, maybe two months, who knows? But for now, thanks for coming. Mateo, it's been too long. I feel like we haven't had you in a while. I know.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, we've been.

[Stavros Halkias]

We've always. We've always. We've. We almost have done each other's podcast a couple times, and then we're just too.

[Mateo Lane]

You had a good reason not to. You had a big thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

I had an audition and I got it.

[Mateo Lane]

That's amazing. So imagine you lost it because you had to talk to Nick.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. Imagine. Yeah. I'm like. And what's funny is I was kind of so. So on the audition, and you always look for obviously, like, no podcast as important as a big.

[Mateo Lane]

But Nick was like, I'LL do the audition.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. But I was like, fuck, dude. Do I. I was looking for an excuse not to do it, but I did it.

[Mateo Lane]

Who gave Stavros his first acting role?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. You played doctor. I did play Dr. Papalopoulos of. Yeah. Speaking of great portrayals of the Greeks in the media. Fucking Mateo book to play Dr. Gyro. Gyro. Fucking Gyrofropathopoulos. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

I put you with my Mexican aunt.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just you.

[Mateo Lane]

My Mexican aunt.

[Stavros Halkias]

Me and your. One of my first scene partners was your aunt Cindy. You're in Cindy. I played. One time I played a fat John in a prostitute horror movie. Oh, where I get killed. That was maybe my first ever.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where. Yeah, the. The Call Girl of Cthulhu is what it was called.

[Mateo Lane]

I was in a movie that came out this year called Maintenance Required. An Amazon rom com.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

I play faggot.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what it said for the first three drafts. That's what it was. Eventually they gave you a name. They're like, I don't know. Aaron.

[Mateo Lane]

No, no, no. Yeah, they put me. I was in a rom com. It was. It was basically like, you've got mail, but with cars. You know, everyone was like, 20s and hot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

And then I'm like, like, hello. You know, can I. I was like, Mr. Burns when he dressed up like Jimbo.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. How do we do, fellow? Oh, no, that's. Yeah. No, on how do we do fellow? Kids is from 30 Rock, where it's Buscemi's the Private Eye. Going back to same concept. Yes.

[Mateo Lane]

But they were really nice and making the movie was fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, I went to the premiere and Nick came with me. He was your date? Nick was my date. He was my red carpet date. And it was so funny because everyone's like, with their PR people and all important. It was just me and Nick. And then Nick can't help himself. So the movie's happening. He's like, oh, Jesus Christ, come on, what are we doing here? And everyone's, like, looking at me and

[Stavros Halkias]

Nick, he's shit talking. The movie.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's fun, though. You did you like it? Do you like doing it?

[Mateo Lane]

I liked doing it. It was a lot of fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, I just. There was no prep. I mean, it was like, play gay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay. Like, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, I'm getting a lot of fat. Scumbag rules. I really have to dig.

[Mateo Lane]

I have to. Who played Lincoln? What was his name?

[Stavros Halkias]

Daniel Day.

[Mateo Lane]

Daniel Day Lewis. I was Like, I was gay on set.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? Right.

[Mateo Lane]

I didn't want people to like, stay in character. What I loved. I don't know if you're like, me, I've only done one movie. No, I did play a movie. It was like a. Of whatever. I played a British futuristic British host, like Ryan Seacrest. And I got murdered by a demon. I was great. But it was so funny because, like on set, like, I've never been in a movie before, but were comics. So like the other actors, like if the director had to give him a note, like they pull them aside, they have a conversation, they kind of a back and forth. And I was like, well, this seems like it takes a lot of time. So I just told the director. I was like, just yell at me what you want me to do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tell me what you want.

[Mateo Lane]

They were like, really? I was like, yeah. I was like, I know I've bombed.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. That is the thing where it's like, I don't fucking have. I don't. I don't think. I don't respect my acting abilities. Tell me exactly what to do. I don't fucking care. Like, that's the thing. It's like for actors, they really take it really seriously. But for me, I'm like, dude, I just don't want to look like a fucking idiot.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So if you could wear a green screen suit and move me and like move my arm, mouth up and down. Like, if you control me to that level, great. I don't fucking.

[Mateo Lane]

Just tell me exactly what you want. I'm not interested in art. You know, I. I might.

[Stavros Halkias]

If I really disagree, I might be like, really? But usually I'm just like, great. Whatever you need.

[Mateo Lane]

Whatever you need is in your mouth. You're like, can I?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I don't know. When did we do this rewrite? Is there even a camera on

[Caller]

camera?

[Mateo Lane]

I'm doing. I'm going to the workshop for Chicago, the musical on Broadway.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

And they want me to play Billy Flint. So I have to memorize all the songs and I go in tomorrow to meet the people.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They want me to do.

[Mateo Lane]

But I said I'm touring, so, like, I could do it in June. Like I could do a three week work run. They're like, sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome. Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah. Because it is fun. I always forget how you can just fully sing.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you know, like, so that makes sense. Would you want to do that? Would you want to do more? I mean, it's hard because Stand Up. I don't know if you feel this way, but it's like all these other art forms that are better are so much harder and there's so much more like planning. Whereas like ultimately with Stand up, it's

[Mateo Lane]

like, you know, shows a week.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Broadway. And I said it was like I would. I would love.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you want to do it just to experience it, right? Well, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

It's almost like a Super Saiyan gay. Yeah. Like I have to like fully. But I would love it because I would love to be singing a bit back in vocal practice and do that. Like be a part of something. Because Stand up is kind of lonely. Like you're just chatting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. You know, that's what's cool about movies that like. Yeah. It's like there's a squad or I mean, tires the best. It's like not only are the people on screen, you know, they're all my friends, but it's also like you. We've had the same crew for three years now, so we're all friends. So I do love that. It does. It feels like you're working in and off. It's like the good parts of an office.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But with like the job being going to a strip club or whatever, you know.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, I want to be. If I act, I mean, I'm happy doing like, I'm thrilled. Like if I just do this the rest of my life, I'm thrilled. But I want to do like a buddy of mine is going to do a project where. Or like I don't want to say anything you give away. Yeah. But basically I'd play like a 62 year old woman named Deb who smokes. My name's Deb and I work at the Wawa. My daughter's name is Deb too, and so is our dog. Like that's what I want to do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, because I'm too old to play the. Well, I can't. I'm really limited in what I can play. I can play hairstylist.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is really funny how different it is being a gay guy. And like I feel like this is the prime of my life. Like this being fat and bald. And I'm like, yes, my 40s, here I come. Because all the roles for my body type are 40 plus. Yeah. No one wants like a fat on a fat bald ingenue. You know, everything is like diner owner, fucking weird fucking, you know, creep cop. You know, Like I'd love to play a, you know, like some kind of mobster. Are you kidding me?

[Mateo Lane]

That you'd be great.

[Stavros Halkias]

That would be. So flick the hair back. All this shit is like these are all. It's all. It's all for me now. Like this is. I feel like this was. These are my long teenage years. I can. I'm about to being a fat, fat straight guy. 40s.

[Mateo Lane]

In my 40s. My job. Like the, the acting roles I can do are pretty limited into like best friend of white lady. Of course you better. You better leave him. You're better than that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like you might be the best friend of an Asian or. Or a light skinned black woman. No, you know what I mean?

[Mateo Lane]

I'm talking Hallmark Christmas movies. Like I'm pretty limit. I'm just going to be. And it's not even necessarily the main character. It's like any woman.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes.

[Mateo Lane]

Right. Who's having an issue with a man that she just met. You. You know, I'm gonna be. Which on Hallmark is usually some dumb blonde lady who can't, you know, she's leaving her big executive course, you know, and then I'm gonna be that guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's a brunette. The one with a big executive job.

[Mateo Lane]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because blonde.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? The blonde's like the one where if it's a guy leaving his high power job, he sees a. Or actually maybe it's a high powered blonde. I don't know. Maybe it could be like gay brunette, more homey. I feel like brunette can signify like back at home. Maybe it's redhead to be safe.

[Mateo Lane]

I think an auburn.

[Stavros Halkias]

An auburn.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. But I'm thrilled. I'm happy to.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, Lindsay Lohan has been crushing the Hallmark.

[Mateo Lane]

Unbelievable.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who?

[Mateo Lane]

Listen, her surgeon, the Michelangelo interview that she's just resting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, is that what it is?

[Mateo Lane]

Just resting?

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, dude, it's literally like if this reveals. Because didn't she marry like a Saudi prince or something?

[Mateo Lane]

Someone with a lot of money, something crazy in Dubai?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we've been really into the idea of witchcraft on the show recently.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, I have much to talk about.

[Stavros Halkias]

To me, this reveals. This could possibly reveal that wherever she lives, Dubai, the uae, whatever, they have sorcery because that what? And I'm a. You will not. There's no disrespect. I love Lindsay Lohan. You know, we were the same age. I was a 16 year old boy when Mean girls Mean Girls comes out. And I was a low hand guy. All the different. All the hot late girls in that movie. I'm a low hand guy. Right. I'm not disrespecting her. Her face looks. It's a miracle. It's literally insane. Like, the. I just saw a picture where I was like, okay, how is she getting young? Like, is she going to get the substance? Like, is. In two years, she, like. It all falls apart because it right now feels too good to be true. I don't know what's going on.

[Mateo Lane]

It was a well, and I'm happy to see it. A lower neck and face full facelift, dissolved fillers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

That transfer under the eye, you know,

[Stavros Halkias]

that guy was cooking, man.

[Mateo Lane]

Look, I met her mom, Dina Lohan.

[Stavros Halkias]

You met, you met Dina?

[Mateo Lane]

I met her. She dressed like a manager of Claire's. And this was at a logo red carpet event I used to do back in the day. And allegedly was pulled. Pulled out by security for screaming and while she locked herself in the bathroom. That's allegedly so. But it was amazing, you know. And at one point I went. My gay cousin Brian was there. And I was like, hey, can we get a photo with you? She's like, why not? You know, she was great. There's a picture of her kind of. And. And I love Dina because, like, she puts like, AI like pictures of herself. Like, like just another human being. Like, Merry Christmas from Dina, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, A lot of old Greek guys. We saw a friend's dad, old Greek guys were like, vain. They have started AI ing themselves as like just a sexier version of themselves. Like, it's really interesting because it's like they will look as hot as they can, but not. But still, you could identify it's them, but it's clear. It's kind of like they went through the Lindsay Lohan facelift, basically. I've seen old Greek men. I had a distant, like, relative who was like. He like, hit up me and my brothers on Facebook. I was off Facebook at the time. I didn't check it, but my brothers did. And this guy, before I was face tuning him, he worked for like, he was like a delivery guy, which, no disrespect, blue collar profession in Greece. And he was like, face tuned the fuck. Just some old Greek guy facetuned the fuck up, smoothed himself out and he started. At the time, I think my brother, when he was hitting him up, was like 16 or 17. They were like, chat a little bit. He started sending him pornography.

[Mateo Lane]

What?

[Stavros Halkias]

But like, again, not in a weird like, molestation way. In like a.

[Mateo Lane]

An old Greek man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like an old Greek man. Like, isn't this fucking awesome, dude? Look at this lady. You've discovered the world. That was him. Trying to connect with his relatives. Like, they literally. He asked, like, two questions about my dad, and then he was like, fucking, check this out. It was just like. So he's like, pretty cool, huh, nephew? It's like, I don't even know you. I don't even know. We've never met in your shit. Understanding me, like. Like. And not just softcore.

[Mateo Lane]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, we're talking kind of crazy. It's hilarious. And that's. To him, that's like, keeping. Keeping up with your family.

[Mateo Lane]

Keeping up with the Kardashians.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's that. It was so funny. But, yes, I do think there is, like, an AI. People are AIing themselves. Yeah, a lot of people, I think body.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, the. Like, people are AI in their bodies now. This one guy that I was. I'm friends with, like, did it, and I was like, wow, you. I was like, you really started working out. And he. He wrote back. He's like, oh, it's AI. I was. Well, that's kind of crazy. I used to, way back in the day, before my hair transplants, like, try and pull down my hairline in some pictures, and I look back now, and it looks like I.

[Stavros Halkias]

It looks insane.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, it looks like. It looks ridiculous. I look like an old Greek guy who's trying to, like, dye his hair black. I look stupid, so. Oh, I forgot to tell you. So I. I get my hair looking

[Stavros Halkias]

great, by the way.

[Mateo Lane]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Holding up beautifully.

[Mateo Lane]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Mateo Lane]

My. The studio audience. Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thick as hell.

[Mateo Lane]

I. So I get my haircut now. I can go back. And I think we talked about this last time. Like, I never had, like, a barber shop experience because I was always, you know, trying to cover my hair. Now I just.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's so funny. That's so funny that you're, like, too ashamed to face a barber because he could track you going bald. You had to shift it time to time.

[Mateo Lane]

They're gonna be all loud about it. Like, if I'm trying to whisper to these guys, like, you know, I'm kind of losing my hair. Like, don't worry. You lose your head, it's okay. Everyone lose their head. You know, it's like, God damn it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. So I go to this place, and it's such a great m. Mix of of people because it's, like, really Dominican. And then just, like, a sprinkled gaze. So, like, the energy in there is, like, really heavy Spanish. And then all of a sudden, like, did you see what Ginger said on Drag Race? Like, so, George, what's up Cuts my hair. So Nelson. I forgot that I said something. Nelson's like the head barber. He's amazing. And I forgot that I had said something on your podcast about it. And then I walk in to get my hair cut and they're running up to me. They're like, I can't believe. And look at this. You say like what I say. And then I did my pressure because his name is Jaime, but he goes by Nelson and it makes no sense. And I love that they were so thrilled. They were so tickled and it was. There was you and I talk.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shout out to them. Maybe we'll go. Maybe I'll go for a trim.

[Mateo Lane]

You should there elders, you need to

[Stavros Halkias]

go get that maintained down there.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

What do you, what's your, what's your barbershop situation? Do you have a. I have a barber.

[Elders]

I have a Ukrainian dude in my neighborhood who has like. He's awesome. He's like tatted the fuck out. He has tats all over his face and oh yeah, I went there the day before my wedding. I never been there before. I never got my haircut by him.

[Stavros Halkias]

He did a good job.

[Elders]

He did a great.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a high risk, high reward.

[Elders]

It was so stupid of me.

[Stavros Halkias]

They even crazy to take a shot. Like I would have loved. If you come in lined up, they give you the little fake. They give you the little fake outline. Yeah, that's been all.

[Elders]

He's like the only guy in all my time of New York that I'm just like so satisfied like every time. He just knows what to do with me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, so you're good, you're good where you are. What's your. Do you guys chat?

[Elders]

Not really. When I went in that day, I heard like other people around me talking. I didn't even say like, oh, my wedding's tomorrow. I was like, I just want this guy to do what he does.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true. You don't want to put that, that thought in his head because it's going

[Mateo Lane]

to be even more extreme.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cuz you want. You don't want him. Cuz you're sweating. You're putting that negative energy, that anxious energy out there.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You want him having calm. Although he's tatted up Ukrainian guy. He doesn't.

[Elders]

He could, he could deal with.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

He doesn't fucking care there to here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

But he's awesome. I love him, but I'm always down because he is like a little pricey. It's worth it to me, but I

[Stavros Halkias]

Mean, you think Mateo gets his haircut somewhere cheap? Are you out of your fucking mind? Mateo got hair plugs and had a buzz cut. He probably paid some guy to fucking do it piece by piece with scissors.

[Mateo Lane]

He did. Nelson did. Nelson did.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got a buzz cut with scissors. And so that is insanely gay. You understand that, right?

[Mateo Lane]

Let me just say this because I've always wanted a buzz cut. I'm jealous. I want to walk out and not

[Stavros Halkias]

think about my hair.

[Mateo Lane]

After years of struggling, I don't want to think about it. And what's funny is when I first got my buzz cut, because, you know, I'm also Mexican. When I got my buzz cut, like, no one's ever said to me, oh, you look Mexican. You look like nothing. Right. It's only.

[Caller]

I'm only.

[Mateo Lane]

My grandpa's from Mexico. So all of a sudden I get a message from Jay Jerdon. I showed my. I put up my buzz cut and just a simple text from Jay Jerd and said, I see it now.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's hilarious.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, Jay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

They did. They cut it by. That's scissors.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the point? Well, it was a buzz cut.

[Mateo Lane]

I know. Well, I did not. Now I'm gonna go today, I'm gonna get like a fade and do like a 5 buzz on top, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Not going too short.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

I've got. I don't have good hair. Like when I tried growing it out, I was trying to do this, this sort of like thing, but my hair is unruly and fine and curly. It's bad. So I just like, just.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're keeping it tight. It looks good. Looks good.

[Mateo Lane]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep, yep.

[Mateo Lane]

And. Oh, I'm going to tell you, they gave me a beard.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Not the barbershop, my hair transplant. So, like, if you want to connect your beard, you can do that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow, you got. You got beard.

[Mateo Lane]

I didn't have any of this. Really. They put it all in. That can connect it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Can I tell you something? I would. There is a high possibility I would get beard plugs and not hair plugs. Because to me, the. I want a beard. I don't really want hair.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't kind of like what I works for. Like, you have an ice shaped head.

[Stavros Halkias]

But honestly, if I had a beard, that would be huge.

[Mateo Lane]

Why don't you go to my guy? He'll take care of you.

[Stavros Halkias]

I might do.

[Mateo Lane]

And it might be a four day recovery. It's not like the other one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Beard plugs, dude, that would be fucking awesome.

[Elders]

We need to see a big ass

[Stavros Halkias]

beard on you, Dude, I would look awesome with a big ass beard. That is a miss.

[Elders]

You would truly just look like your dad, honestly. Because doesn't he. Didn't he have a big ass beard when we were kids?

[Stavros Halkias]

But see, here's the thing. My dad. That was a good look.

[Elders]

No, I know it was, but I'm not. I'm not saying that bad, but I don't know. Yeah, I'd like to see that.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're. You're sweating. I might be on your corner, dude. No, no, this not. You don't want me to get to 260.

[Mateo Lane]

I can get my.

[Elders]

You know why? Cuz even.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll never get there.

[Elders]

Even if you get. Even if you get a beard. I just know you're like so sloppy. You'll never like.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm sorry, you're. You just went to finishing school, Ellis. Who the are you calling sloppy, you piece of.

[Elders]

I'm just saying I don't think you like upkeep. Keep a beard.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a lot of work.

[Elders]

It takes a lot of years to find out.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't have the discipline you do. That's what I'm hearing. You shut the up. Your point? A good point would be beard plugs aren't going to come in that thick. It's like. That's your actual argument, Mateo. It's looking nice, but I think it's like, you look good stubble wise. It does. How does it grow out?

[Mateo Lane]

It doesn't grow out great. Because this grows in a different direction than that grows. And then I don't know what to do with it. You know, I'm dying it now. And like, because it's like half gray. And so when I dye it then I have a jaw line. So I'm dying now. I've turned into an old Greek man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Really?

[Mateo Lane]

I'm like AI myself in life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The beard dye is hilarious.

[Mateo Lane]

But it's easy. I did the just remind you because I was so tired of like, you know. Yeah, but it doesn't look too crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it looks great. I had no idea. I had no idea. I think the gray's good. A cool look.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. But it makes your face go away. You know what I'm saying? So it's like I want to have a jawline.

[Stavros Halkias]

I see. I see. Well, either way, I would seriously consider beard plugs.

[Mateo Lane]

Why don't you just do it?

[Stavros Halkias]

That would be awesome.

[Mateo Lane]

You could get my full beard. Get it connected and it like the hair transplants it's so like you have to sleep this way then 10 days and wash your beard. It's done. Four days. Yeah, you're done. That's it. And then I honestly.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's another point. I don't think I could do the upkeep of a. Of the, the hair transplant.

[Mateo Lane]

It's 10, it's nine days out of your life for hair forever.

[Stavros Halkias]

I couldn't do that. I don't want, I don't want it. I think it's stronger to be bald in today's day and age. I think it shows a real fortitude to stick with what the Lord has given me now. With my.

[Mateo Lane]

Or taken away.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, taken away from me now. Am I a hypocrite because I would get beard plugs? Yes, probably. But fat bald guy with a beard is a great look. The Santa Claus look. Yeah, classic Santa look. Come on, dude. Big ass beard, disappear into the mountains, come out with a beard. That would be fucking sick. I might do that.

[Elders]

You should do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I might do.

[Elders]

You have, you have all these ideas about cosmetic changes. You want to do yourself to look dumber and dumber.

[Mateo Lane]

What else?

[Elders]

Gonna come around and look good one day.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah,

[Elders]

you're gonna be like blonde with a full beard.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, one day, dude. One day. We'll get there.

[Mateo Lane]

I tried dyeing my hair blonde. I got a buzz cut last year and dyed it blonde before I went to Thailand, but it was too short and so I just looked extra bald.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, really?

[Mateo Lane]

You couldn't see it at all. I looked so stupid. And everyone at the cellar was like, you like an idiot? I was like, yeah, that's also a

[Stavros Halkias]

little on the nose. Yeah, you know what I mean? The gay blonde buzz cut. Especially before Thailand. Were you going through something? Were you, were you mourning something?

[Mateo Lane]

Actually wasn't. I had a great time. I was feeling wonderful about myself.

[Stavros Halkias]

I see. I see.

[Mateo Lane]

I was like, I'm gonna take a vacation and just do something different.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did you like it? Did you like Thailand?

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, I loved it. I. I saw we went land in Cambodia and I saw in Cambodia, I saw, we went to these temples and I saw a mom and her 8 year old son. He was carrying candy and a monkey ran up. The monkey grabbed the candy, the kid kicked the monkey, the mom slapped the kid. I was like, they're all wrong. Yeah, it was good. We Bangkok was amazing. Our. I loved our tour guide because he just was sort of like over it, you know what I mean? Like, he rushed us through everyone to this temple and we're supposed to like fold these flowers. He's like, just, come on, just go, go, go. I'm like, oh. You know, we went to Chiang Mai and it was fun. I had a really good time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Have you been?

[Stavros Halkias]

I've never been. Is it like beachy?

[Mateo Lane]

Not Bangkok, but crabby is okay. It's like all beach. It kind of looks like Avatar last airbender. Like mountains coming out of the ocean. Very Jurassic Park. I love Avatar.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. We get a fucking. Some kind of crab noodle in the mix. I'm thinking of the cuisines.

[Mateo Lane]

The cuisine was amazing. The massages were great. Yeah, yeah, it was. It was awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you're going. You're doing a non sexual massage in Thailand.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, it was all non sexual.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, good.

[Mateo Lane]

Isn't that crazy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

And I had the blonde hair. I was ready.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right. Well, I wonder if it's a gay sex tourism destination.

[Mateo Lane]

It's a CIS male.

[Stavros Halkias]

It does.

[Mateo Lane]

Going through something. Tourism.

[Stavros Halkias]

It definitely. Exactly. When a straight dude says he's going to. That's the other thing I want to go.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

But if someone hears I'm going to Thailand, it's over. They assume it's pure sex tourism.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And again, I'm gonna do a little sex tourism because I'm there. Right. Like if you go to Paris, you're gonna see the Eiffel Tower.

[Mateo Lane]

It's not gonna be the same.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's the same.

[Mateo Lane]

What would you do, though? You got. So what's like sex tourism for you?

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, Get a massage and get jerked off. Like get. You know what I mean, here in New York. Yeah, but I want to be on vacation.

[Mateo Lane]

Right, right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want a nice place by the beach.

[Mateo Lane]

They're going to jack you off on the beach. They're not going to be like, happy ending.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know.

[Mateo Lane]

Wind through your hair.

[Elders]

Nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're going to do it. Do it all the way. You know, there's got to be high end. Jack you off on the beach.

[Mateo Lane]

It's called Dubai.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's true. That is true. All right, all right, I take it. Well, you know, I just want to get a feel for the local flavor. That's all I'm saying.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is there a gay Thailand? Is there like a.

[Mateo Lane]

Let me just.

[Stavros Halkias]

Major city with grindr there?

[Mateo Lane]

Thailand is gay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I see.

[Mateo Lane]

That's it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, like a sex tourism destination for the gay population?

[Mateo Lane]

I think so. I mean, gays sort of find themselves everywhere. Yeah, there was like one gay street, but it was 7pm and we went. It wasn't like nothing was happening, but we just wanted to see what the drag shows were like and stuff. But they kind of run up at you to get you to come to their bar, like. Like screaming at you. And I was like, this is a

[Stavros Halkias]

lot like, yeah, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

So I just ran away and then sang karaoke. I sang Andre Bocelli instead, in a small room by myself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Had to take the pipes out. This episode of Stavi's World is sponsored by, you guessed it, Twisted Tea. Our pals. And you know what the twisted tea is? It's the secret to livening up these waning days of winter when the afternoons are short. Sun disappears. It's coming now, and spring is just around the horizon. But no matter where the sun is, what you want to be sipping on. That's right, a twisted tea. You see, Twisted tea is smooth as hell. It's brewed with real iced tea. No fake stuff, no pretending to be something fancy. No, just delicious smooth iced tea that'll get you feeling real nice. I love it. Am I in the green room of a comedy club right now doing these? Are some of the fans that are about to watch me do stand up. Are they about to enjoy an ice cold twisted tea? You better believe it. Twisted tea makes whatever you got going on that much better. So what I want you to do now that it's bleak, it's cold, kick back a nice cold twisted tea. And remember, keep it twisted. Must be 21 plus. Please drink responsibly, folks. Don't you hate these loyalty status programs with their byzantine rules you don't even really know? It's not really aligned with the way you're actually spending your money. Have you ever heard of Cash App Green? Perhaps when you spend at least $500 a month with the Cash App Card or Cash App Pay, you earn green status, unlocking benefits like up to $200 of free overdraft coverage, higher borrow limits, and custom personalized cash back offers. I love Cash App Pay. It's very easy. Don't need to carry around a bunch of shit. You can use your. It's right on your phone. Tap it right there. I recently enjoyed a delicious burrito thanks to Cash App Pay. In many ways, CashAppay put a. Put al pastor and guacamole in my belly. I love it. You can draw directly on the card to create a, you know, unique custom design. Do whatever you want. Get. Get creative. Don't just buy a burrito with it. Personalize it a little bit. Download Cash App today for a limited time new Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use the code CASH APP10 in their profile at signup and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App's bank partners Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member FDIC Cash App Green overdraft coverage Borrow Cash back Offers and promotions provided by Cash App A Block Inc. Brand Visit Cash app.app/legal podcast for full disclosures. So what did you ever what this role in Chicago? Who is the. Who's that?

[Mateo Lane]

Billy Flint, the lawyer.

[Stavros Halkias]

Flint the floor. Oh, okay. Nice. Hell yeah. I watch a girlfriend made me watch Chicago once. Pretty good.

[Mateo Lane]

It okay? It is good. Do you just not like musicals? I mean, I get it. It's hard sometimes. It's hard to connect to because the music part thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what? Sometimes if I hear a musical song out of context, it'll get. I'll be like, oh, I get why this.

[Mateo Lane]

It's like Christian music. It's like, it's good until you find out it's for Jesus.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I'm like, oh, this is good. And so that's how kind of I feel about musicals, where it's like, they do. They do grab. It's a lot of catchy songs, but the idea of fucking watching eight of them in a row in the middle of a play gets. You know, I would go. I think it's kind of stupid. Before I hurt my back, I had all these, like, goals for the year where I was like, I'm going to take in culture. Every week I will go to a museum or a Broadway play.

[Mateo Lane]

And I was like, go to a Broadway show.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, that's what I'm saying. I gotta start doing shit like this. But fucking my backup, it was like. It kind of fucked everything for me. It just set me back a little bit. But when I'm out of it, I do want to just like. Because that's the thing you would love.

[Mateo Lane]

Death Becomes Her. It's a genuinely funny. Great.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've seen the movie.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. And they made it a musical. And it's legitimately like straight people. Everyone loves.

[Stavros Halkias]

I, you know, I should get it because I do think there's a little. Not liking musicals. It was a little like, I'm not. I'm fucking. I'm a jock. You know what I mean? Like, I had that period of my life where I had to. I pretended I wasn't as artistic as I was because I just was. You know, I mean, I've told the story before, but I lost the role of you're a good man. I lost Charlie Brown, and you're a good man, Charlie Brown. And that set me down a path of hating the arts, where I was like, this is sixth grade. Well, see, this was sixth grade. It's a deep wound. And I think there was a moment where I was like, I don't need that shit, dude. I'm fucking. I'm fucking cool as shit. I play football now. Cool. And so I think there is, like, me come. I think I just need to admit, like, nah, fuck it. I like. I like a musical, you know, I mean, I might start with musical movies. I want to. I want to watch all the Farsi ones. I want to, you know, like, I

[Mateo Lane]

want to tell you about that. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I want to watch all that jazz. I want to watch. Yeah, I'm just interested in. That's Those movies, and I think that's. That's a good into.

[Mateo Lane]

I saw Cats. I didn't mean to. I saw it. This is years ago. They actually messaged me when I used to have Twitter cats, like, the blue check cats messaged me on. On Twitter. And they're like, come see a perfect show. Like, it was so cheesy. And I was like, did you mean to write me? They're like, yeah. Where it's like, gay. Gay night at Cats. And I was like, every night's gay. Hey. So I go see Cats, and I'd never seen it before. And, you know, like, it's the same. Like, it literally is just about. Like, there's no dogs, nothing. It's just cats. And they live in a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just.

[Mateo Lane]

Just cats.

[Stavros Halkias]

Any mice and cats. They have dinner, I think.

[Mateo Lane]

No, it's just cats.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, they never catch a mouse.

[Mateo Lane]

There's not even a dog anywhere. Like, it's just. But there was one. One scene. They come through the aisle, which is all I hate when they come through the aisle. Stay on the stage. And I swear to God, Savros, this guy comes up to me. You could just see his dreams dying in his eyes. He comes up to me, and he's. The lights on him. He's staring at me, and he's just dancing like this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

And my face trying to pretend like I wasn't embarrassed. I was like,

[Stavros Halkias]

oh, nice, buddy.

[Mateo Lane]

But I will say I got emotional during memory because it is a great song.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a great song. Yeah, that's a. That's a great example of song I've heard Out of context and been like, nice. What the fuck is this about? And you see a video of some lady dressed as a cat. Like, the.

[Mateo Lane]

Is about a cat. I will give some wave now of, like, young Broadway singers where everything is kind of nasally. I think it kind of happened with. I don't know if it's from Wicked. Like

[Stavros Halkias]

a generation raised on Glee, perhaps.

[Mateo Lane]

And I want, like. Let's go back to, like, baseball baritone voices.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Yes.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean, struggling to get you connected. This is what straight guys are talking about.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. I don't know that I would start with the different registers of singing, but you know what I mean?

[Mateo Lane]

I think what's happening. Straight guys hear this and they don't know how to connect with it. So they're like, what is that? So what's this?

[Stavros Halkias]

We want a deeper, more sultry.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, you want more?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Interesting. So you think. So you don't think. You think the feminization of singing is bad for.

[Mateo Lane]

It's not the feminization. It's the nasalization. It's just sort of up here. Okay, I've got something new.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, you're like, interesting, interesting.

[Mateo Lane]

Did you see Wicked One or two?

[Stavros Halkias]

You didn't see it? No.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not interested. Yeah. Didn't. You know what? I saw some of one.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was on. It was at my friend Christina's. I was hanging out. It was the holidays and it's insane. It's. The movie's fucking crazy. There's like, talking goats and shit. And it's like, Dr. Delaman, why the fuck do the animals talk? And then the whole. The plot is they're stealing the animal's ability to talk. The fuck does that have to do with wizard of Oz?

[Mateo Lane]

Well, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's all kind of. It's insane bullshit and defend. And again, it's like those. There are songs, and I thought they were great performances. Both Ariana Grande and Cynthia Riva were fucking awesome. And there were songs that I was like, this is good. But it just. I was just like, what the fuck is this? Why are they, like, following a fucking. Why is the goat doing secret animal meetings and shit?

[Mateo Lane]

Like, the other animals are losing the ability.

[Stavros Halkias]

It didn't make any fudgeing sense.

[Mateo Lane]

I was like, something bad is happening.

[Stavros Halkias]

And, like, they're racist against animals. Like, they're Nazis against animals.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, it's like fascism, but, like. But goats. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I don't get. And then she's green.

[Mateo Lane]

She's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Why is she green?

[Mateo Lane]

She's green because.

[Stavros Halkias]

But her sister's.

[Mateo Lane]

Spoiler alert. Her dad is the wizard of Oz and was cheating. The mom was cheating on the dad. He drank this green drink. When she drank it, that made her green, but because she's mixed with human and wizardry, she was even more magical. Or some mom drank the green drink that the dad.

[Stavros Halkias]

So the mom's not green either?

[Mateo Lane]

No, no, the wizard didn't.

[Stavros Halkias]

A green wizard.

[Mateo Lane]

No, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

So no one's green but the witch just. Yeah, even her sister's not Nesta.

[Mateo Lane]

And yeah, her sister's just in a wheelchair.

[Stavros Halkias]

Was that because of the sisters in a wheelchair?

[Mateo Lane]

Dad was afraid that she was gonna also be green. So he made her eat a bunch of like white flowers or something. Something. And then they took too much. Her legs don't work. So now she's in a wheelchair.

[Stavros Halkias]

So that's also Nessa. Is Nessa the dad's biological daughter? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So that she. She's only cheating with the. With the wizard for their first child.

[Mateo Lane]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting. And the green he. He dosed his wife with.

[Mateo Lane]

I love watching you try. It does sound stupid as I say

[Stavros Halkias]

it out loud that.

[Mateo Lane]

No, he drinks this green vial. The dad like some kind of green.

[Stavros Halkias]

She didn't. But it's the wizard's kid, right?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, because in the beginning there's that. So there's the mayor of monster.

[Stavros Halkias]

His wife turns green from his jizz after drinking the green drink. And it sticks when the wizards jizz fucks her. I don't even understand who the father fuck did she become green?

[Mateo Lane]

You're right. Okay, I got it. I got it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay, there's the mayor.

[Stavros Halkias]

The mayor from Munchkinland. Okay, so we have.

[Mateo Lane]

Something about you saying Munchkinland.

[Stavros Halkias]

We have the mayor of Munchkin Land.

[Mateo Lane]

The mayor of Munchkin Land and his wife, right? And then he goes out one night and then she brings in this guy that she's having an affair with, right? And this guy she's having an affair with is drinking out of this green drink and so gives it to her. That's like their thing. And then, you know, so they're having an affair and then she gets pregnant. And so when she's having.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the green drink turns your children

[Mateo Lane]

green, I guess it turned the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nobody else drinks this drink.

[Mateo Lane]

I just said just the wizard because he's. He's human and he came into this world and so maybe that. That doesn't. That drink doesn't mix with the Munchkin People I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

So her mom's a Munchkin? No. Well, so elf, I don't know, is half Munchkin, half Wizard of Oz.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't think she is Munchkin. I just know he was the mayor of Munchkin Land. Oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because then the mayor of Munchkinland married a non Munchkin.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, but I don't know if he

[Stavros Halkias]

was the mayor of Munchkin is not a Munchkin.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't know. He seemed tall.

[Stavros Halkias]

So what is this, some kind of, like, fucking? There's like. There's like. Fuck. What's the word?

[Mateo Lane]

I love that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Apartheid society where the Munchkins are ruled by non Munchkins is Munchkinland. Palestine is the mayor of Munchkin Land. Netanyahu. Is that what you're saying? And. And Jeff Goldblum cucked him.

[Mateo Lane]

I can't believe they explain it so well in the first two and a half minutes of the Broadway musical. And as I'm struggling to explain it, you're like, hold on a second. Who's green? What's the drink?

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

I didn't put it all together.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's my point is that this. This sucked. And it made no sense, even though it had very talented people in it. I was like, who gives a.

[Mateo Lane]

About, you know, it's. You have to suspend a lot of belief.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Mateo Lane]

But it's all related to the. The wizard of Oz.

[Stavros Halkias]

But also, it's such a clunky. The wizard of Oz. Well, it's basically like they wrote a completely different play about something that has nothing to do with the wizard of Oz. And then someone's like, hey, can you just make this about the wizard of Oz afterwards? And they changed everyone. Like, ah, this gay guy is the Tin Man.

[Mateo Lane]

You know what I mean? It's like the lion was a.

[Stavros Halkias]

You look back.

[Mateo Lane]

The gay. The Tin man was gay, too. Well, the first Tin man went to the hospital because the makeup they were using on him. Yeah. So then they got another. Oh, I've always wanted a heart.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wait, the guy doesn't even get to be in the.

[Mateo Lane]

No, it's out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Some guy got asbestos poisoning and he didn't even get to be in the movie.

[Mateo Lane]

Out.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's hilarious. Are you.

[Caller]

Do you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is. Yeah, I guess. I guess. Does your love of Liza Minnelli kind of retroactively make you a specialist on her mother as well? On Judy Garland?

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, kind of. Just through, like, ridiculous stories that she's talked about her. Yeah, she was so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

We make Taffy, you can watch Liza fool herself. Like, she. Literally seven times. She was like.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's like.

[Mateo Lane]

And she had to go to see a therapist. And so we'd be driving and she was an entertainer. And she'd say, what story can I make up today?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caller]

And that's.

[Mateo Lane]

She made it funny. I was like, I think your mom just taught you how to lie.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think your mom was a sociopath and was teaching you how to trick the therapist to not find out how, like, how sad your life is. Because, I mean, she. Because her mom, ultimate, like, studio kid, you know, like, she's been in show business forever. And then. Was it. Who was her dad?

[Mateo Lane]

Her dad was a gay guy that they had to move from town to town because he kept bothering young boys.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, a little Catholic priest situation.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. So she went. She was on vaudeville when she was 2. Her and the Gum sisters.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I'm sorry. She's the. Mitch. Wow. She's the ultimate Hollywood product.

[Mateo Lane]

That's the wizard.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's the wizard. She's the ultimate Hollywood product. Her mom is Judy Goen, and her dad is Flam, I'm assuming. Wait, Judy.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm talking about. You're talking about Liza.

[Stavros Halkias]

Judy's dad was a gay guy.

[Mateo Lane]

Judy's dad. And so was Liza's, because Vincent Minnelli, who was the MGM director, married Judy Garland. He was also gay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Allegedly. They broke up because second generation business with gay dad. Yeah, I mean, that's. It's. That makes you feel like. Like symbolism really does matter.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

She's the ultimate.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, that's fucking crazy, dude. Liza Minnelli's two generations gay. She had a gay dad and a gay grandfather.

[Mateo Lane]

Look, we get around.

[Stavros Halkias]

We get around. That's crazy, dude. Oh, no.

[Mateo Lane]

One married two gay men.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fucking Luke Skywalker, dude. No, no. She's Anakin. She's the chosen one. She's the show. She's the musical's chosen one. Dude, that's incredible.

[Mateo Lane]

Yoda's like, don't train her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, no, but.

[Mateo Lane]

But her. She also married two gay men.

[Stavros Halkias]

Awesome.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, Judy Garland also married a bunch, but nothing.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, her kids didn't.

[Mateo Lane]

No, she never had kids. Never had any kids. No, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

She knew it would have been too powerful.

[Mateo Lane]

She'd said once on the Rosie o', Donnell, this is how faggy I am. She said once on the Rosie. The Rosie o' Donnell radio show that she had had a miscarriage, I believe, years ago.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sad. Yeah, it was. She had just become too potent, like it would. The talent that Would have come out of her womb. Would have been too radioactive.

[Mateo Lane]

Do you think I'm like, I could. I look like Liza? I could have been her son.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

I would have liked her.

[Stavros Halkias]

That would have been interesting. If she had a son, it would have been. What if she had a straight son? No, I'm just saying that would be crazy.

[Mateo Lane]

Too much genetics.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, I know it would be. But imagine the ultimate, like, fish out of water is like a straight Eliza Melli gives birth to a straight.

[Mateo Lane]

My mom's Liza Minnelli. But I. Man, it's crazy. Didn't even want me on the football team. I don't want that gay around me. This. No tap shoes for me. The out of here. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. Happy Mother's Day, mom.

[Stavros Halkias]

My mom's Liza Minnelli, but I. Is one of the best. Is one of the funniest phrases uttered on this po.

[Mateo Lane]

It's my next book. My mom's Liza Minnelli. But I. Yeah, what's up? It. I'm Liza's son.

[Stavros Halkias]

So she married two gay guys, huh?

[Mateo Lane]

Peter Allen, and it was David Guest. And Michael Jackson was the flower girl.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's nuts, dude. Wow. They really don't make them like that anymore.

[Mateo Lane]

No, that kind of talent doesn't exist anymore.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Mateo Lane]

People don't appreciate that and the drama attached to it. You know, you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, you have to, unfortunately, I mean, you're training. Since you're a fucking baby.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's basically like, like what they say. Like what they say, like, about the Soviet, like, gymnastics team or like, you know how. How like China got all the. How they drilled that, like, opening ceremony. The Beijing. They, like had people over and over practicing. You basically have to do that to a child. And the crazy thing is it's so clear that it works. Works like.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Strip them of their humanity.

[Elders]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't get to be a regular person.

[Mateo Lane]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you create this, like, talent weapon, this show tunes weapon. You know what I mean? Like you. I mean, Michael Jackson. Same exact thing.

[Mateo Lane]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, and it is up that. That, that just does work, but it's just up to. Dude.

[Mateo Lane]

But then when it doesn't work, it's even sadder because, like, they lost their childhood and they have no talent.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's a brutal one.

[Mateo Lane]

You know what I mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

But no, it worked with Liza. Well, she had good genetics. She had two very talented parents, so I would imagine. Well, her sister Lorna, her younger sister who was in Greece too.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she played in Greece too.

[Mateo Lane]

One of the pink ladies doing the pink. I. I saw her. I went to go see her with val at Studio 54 below. And she does this thing where it's still like the garlic. It's the garland move. Right, right. She's like in a jumpsuit. I'm sure this is so interesting to your listeners.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, this is.

[Mateo Lane]

They've all tuned out. But she does this thing where like this younger girl was singing and as she was singing, Lauren went. And I was like, what is that?

[Stavros Halkias]

I know what you mean. That is a classic move.

[Mateo Lane]

We should sit down and watch Wicked together. I think that you would. I would think you'd be the. I could get you on its side.

[Caller]

The.

[Mateo Lane]

The second one wasn't so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I'm not interested in.

[Mateo Lane]

The second one was really good. And Cynthia Riva's amazing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. No, Ariana Grande. Yeah, they're both really talented and I like that she. That SpongeBob guy. Oh, I think that's fun.

[Mateo Lane]

Every day that meme going around of him singing on Good Morning America. Do see that?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. And he's like, yeah, yeah. I like, why aren't women allowed to kind of be scumbags? You know what I mean?

[Mateo Lane]

What do you mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

Ariana Grande, you know, on. Came on the. On. On. On set romances. Dating a. Dating your co worker getting a little messy. Let's break the glass ceiling with. You know, I think that's fun. And she's very talented. And it's like, you know, I think

[Mateo Lane]

because she looks so incredible and when the nails and the makeup and the hair, it's like when you look like that, I think. And you have that much talent. I think it doesn't matter who you.

[Stavros Halkias]

But. And I. That's. That's big respect because it's like her range is crazy.

[Mateo Lane]

Her vocal range? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Her vocal range too. But I just mean, like, that is someone who, like, it's. It's interesting when like a beautiful woman will date like, traditionally hot as hell people. And also, like, she's attracted to like, a musical that should give little. Like musical theater. On one hand, it's cool for Ariana. On the other hand, it does piss me off that a musical theater straight guy was rewarded.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, he was the only one.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. It does annoy me, I guess. You dedicate your life to being the only straight guy in a room. I mean, he really. He's actually the. He's the chosen one for straight musical theater guys because that's the whole goal you get into it, hoping the cards fall just right for you. And you get to fuck someone as talented and hot as Ariana.

[Mateo Lane]

Ariana Grande.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. That's what every straight theater nerd. That's why you play the game. And you kind of have to tip your hat to.

[Mateo Lane]

He.

[Stavros Halkias]

He won the ultimate prize.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, but are they still together?

[Stavros Halkias]

Doesn't matter.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, doesn't matter. I mean, it's a. You're with you family and life is ruined, but he got checked.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sometimes it's worth it. I mean, let's be honest. There are. There are certain people, unfortunately, sometimes it is where, yeah, his life is ruined. He was probably going to ruin it at some point anyway.

[Mateo Lane]

Away.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, he was probably gonna be away doing a Broadway touring Broadway show and cheated with somebody. That's not Ariana Grande.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't think you cheat on Ariana Grande. I think once you're with Ariana.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no. I mean, if. If you're on a ground, doesn't show up.

[Mateo Lane]

Gotcha.

[Stavros Halkias]

He eventually probably cheats on his wife, but it's not with Ariana Grande. I'm just.

[Mateo Lane]

You've got this guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't know his name. What's his name? He is talented.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's talented, but. Yeah, yeah, but I'm just saying, it's like. Come on.

[Mateo Lane]

But there was something about Wicked where it was a little Grease where it was like, everyone's like mid 30 and then they're like, high school. I'm like. Like, it was a bit Rizzo in Greece where you're like. She's like, I'm pregnant. I'm like, you got one egg left, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. It's so funny because we watched that as. Actually, that was. That played in my house a lot. That was the one.

[Mateo Lane]

That is a musical when you watch it, it not. It's bad.

[Stavros Halkias]

None of it.

[Mateo Lane]

None of it's good. But it works somehow. It somehow works when it goes together. Like, it's a bunch of, like, ginzos. It's supposed to be the east coast Italians, but they're west coast. Guy was 52.

[Stavros Halkias]

Rizzo's one thing, right? That fat little fat guy. Yeah. With the curly hair.

[Mateo Lane]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's. It's crazy.

[Mateo Lane]

He's 52.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's insane. But as a kid, none of that, like, registered to me. And then I watched it. I don't know. I don't even. I didn't watch the whole thing, but I just, like, it was on TV or something and it's like. Like, they Are so old. It's crazy. Like, I still, like, I'm like, they're my age. Yeah. I'm 37 years old. Like, look up that guy. Look up the Grease cast eldest.

[Mateo Lane]

Soccer Channing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Stop. Personal.

[Mateo Lane]

John Travolta.

[Stavros Halkias]

Stop personal texting. Tell us how old that guy was.

[Elders]

Wait, which guy? Which character?

[Stavros Halkias]

Just figure it out, man. The guy on.

[Mateo Lane]

And this is a message for Hassan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, Go ahead. Well, well, this is vamping.

[Mateo Lane]

When are we hanging out?

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't want that guy. He's a piece of.

[Mateo Lane]

No, I'm not saying I don't want it like that. I'm just saying it's like, how is someone that. He's like, on every meme now where it's like, gays before and after breakup, and he's got shaggy hair, and then all of a sudden, he's clean cut.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

You know what I mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

He actually did do, like, a very annoying glam. Yeah. Glammed himself up. Worked out.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

He claimed he was. He used to say he was fat. Pissed me off. And he just kind of, you know, started. He got less. Slightly less fat. Anyway, Hassan, he's a piece of.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm a fan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to have Mateo on Hasan.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't think he would be like,

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't wait till Israel takes Turkey. Fuck you, you're next. Stop.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, my God, stop.

[Caller]

Bro.

[Mateo Lane]

I just want to tell him that he's got great cheekbones. We didn't mean to go there, Maron.

[Stavros Halkias]

Those are not the views of Mato Lane or the Stav's World podcast.

[Mateo Lane]

By the way, whose views are those?

[Stavros Halkias]

Views are just kind of. It's a joke. And you know what else? You're not going to find that, you fucking idiot. Why don't we just doody. I don't know which one fat guy he was.

[Mateo Lane]

The shorter guy.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Mateo Lane]

Miss. Yes. He kept saying that in the beginning. Miss.

[Elders]

Shy guy.

[Mateo Lane]

Are you on Super Mario 2? Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is he Bowser?

[Mateo Lane]

Is it Berto

[Stavros Halkias]

now? Berto. Is she. Is that where her pussy is? In her nose?

[Mateo Lane]

Someone brought up the other day that Berto's face is an uncircumcised dick. And I never thought about it coming out of it. Well, Berto was originally like, I don't know what Berta was supposed to be. And then Berta was like, kind of Girl Yoshi. After a while, like, they kind of rebranded her as Girl Yo Larsi as Girl Yoshi.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. Well, she was from Super Mario 2.

[Mateo Lane]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which was another reskin of a different Japanese game. So. So I'd like to know more about Berto. What's going on with Berto? Whatever. We're not gonna figure out Berto. Hasan, have Mateo on the stream. Why don't we take some calls? Eldest because you didn't figure out what the I'll figure this out. I'll look it up right now. Cold days, big goals, no time to cook Factor makes healthy eating easy with fully prepared meals designed by dieticians and crafted by chefs so you can eat well without the planning or cooking. Factor is a variety of meals that fit your goals and schedule, whether that's healthier eating, calorie management or more protein. Me, I'm trying to do all three, and every meal is made with quality, functional ingredients, including lean proteins, colorful veggies, whole food ingredients and healthy fats. I've been on the road a bunch. I've been doing tires. I've been, we've been, we've been doing all these gigs. Got some. I've been visiting Baltimore. I'm in and out of my apartment and having some Factor meals here has been a godsend for me, helping me stay on track. They have my I've been messing with the GLP1 meals because I, you know, you know, I'm a GLP1 warrior. I really love the cheddar and poblano shredded beef bowl. Sometimes when I want something just down the middle, I'll go brown butter grilled chicken and some Yukon mash. They'll throw a couple veggies in there, some eggplants, some delicious stuff. You're going to love it. I love it. Head to factor meals.com/stavi50 off and use code STAVI50OFF to get 50% off and free breakfast for a year. Eat like a pro this month with Factor New subscribers only. Varies by plan. One free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active. Picture this. You're doing some online shopping when all of a sudden you see it. That one product that you've been looking for. You add the cart and as you're filling in your address, you realize you don't have your cart anywhere near you. That's when you see it. That purple pay button that has all of your information saved, making checking out as simple as a simple tap of your screen. Shopify's Shop Pay button is used by millions of businesses around the world, and it's why Shopify has the best converting checkout on the planet. It also helps boost conversions, meaning less carts going abandoned and more sales for you we certainly see that here at Stavi Baby Enterprises. We use Shopify for our online store. They're helping us move merch. They're helping us move T shirts, calendars, you name it. Shopify has been incredible for us. See less carts go abandoned and more sales with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi that' shopify.com savi

[Caller]

hi, Stav. Hi, Elvis. Hi, guest. I am calling in as a trans woman. I have surgery and I am very happy with how things turned out. Things are very fun. Everything's cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Caller]

But I am calling with a very specific question, which is how do I identify mental with small penises? Here's why. Things, like I said, very good down there. I'm having really fun sex. The surgery itself was years ago.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's looking for a little.

[Caller]

Well, everything. Everything's working as it should, except for the fact that things are, like, quite tight down there, which is.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got the deluxe.

[Caller]

You hear that? Guys like that. But then also, if a dick is like even a little bit bigger than average, honestly, even at average, I like, if I really want to get pounded, it's going to hurt. Like, that's not gonna feel.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's beautiful.

[Caller]

Anything above that, I'm like, no, no, thank you. And I keep running into these problems where I'm in a relationship with a woman and she lets me fuck other people. It's very fun. But I will, like, go out with a guy and I'm mostly just hooking up with these men. It's mostly like one night stands because I have my girlfriend back home and like, that's good for me. And I just keep bringing guys home with these fucking hammers. And then, like, most of the time that that has been happening, like, so fucking funny. You know, we'll do other stuff. I'll stop, I'll get fingered. You know, we're having a fun time.

[Mateo Lane]

She's like, I don't know what my problem is. I live in South Beach. Everyone's got huge dicks.

[Caller]

Specifically by a guy with a smaller dick. And I don't know how to.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's beautiful.

[Caller]

Is it just a numbers game? Like, do I just keep, like, hooking up with people until I find someone with an adequately small dick?

[Mateo Lane]

How is she finding guys to hook up with? Maybe she just needs to advertise it here.

[Caller]

Thank you so much and I hope you have a great day. Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

I think she's got it like. Like, kind of like back, you know, when you were like, that guy will teach you guitar.

[Stavros Halkias]

We see the ads all around the

[Mateo Lane]

city, you know, looking for the small dict. Yeah. She's got to like. Like, she's got to say, listen, I'm looking for a small dig. This is not a joke. Yeah, I'm looking for a small dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, and guys, the guys. Guys will show up. They really will show up.

[Stavros Halkias]

They'll. They'll be wary. They'll think they're about to get drugged and their kidneys stolen from this, but

[Mateo Lane]

that's when they still show up. Still.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

And she's already got a girlfriend, so it's like, yeah, there's no total harm.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think maybe. First of all, I want to say this is actually possibly a huge PR win for the trans community. If we get it out there that we. If your dick is little, we're scientifically engineering a new type of woman specifically for the little dick. If we flip it that way. And that's not what's going on, but this is advertising, baby. I'm Don Draper right now. And so we. The little dick, like trans misogynists on the Internet, they might see, like, hey, wait a second. Hey, there's. There's a pussy small enough for my little fucked up dick. And we might win a lot of these guys over. So this is good. I don't know. So that's interesting. That's number one. But I think, yeah, if it's you in. Our friend here who just called, she's talking about. It's a hookup situation. Why don't you go to explicitly hookup apps. Yeah. And say, I'm looking for. I mean, whether it's field. I don't know where you. Where you're like, Tinder Grinder, Wherever you

[Mateo Lane]

feel, you say in your name. Probably she should say, looking for whatever. Five and under.

[Stavros Halkias]

Five and under.

[Mateo Lane]

She said average. Didn't she say, like, average as well?

[Elders]

She said, even average dick's hurt her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. So maybe she's gotta go and also leave South Beach.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is she in South Beach?

[Mateo Lane]

I just imagine you're in South Beach, Florida. And she's like, why am I finding all these giant dicks? It's like, well, girl, you gotta go, you know? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know where the land of small dicks are. But, you know, she's probably just gotta. I think she's gotta.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think you advertise. Yeah. What. How are you finding this or what? Is it about you that's attracting all these huge hogs? That's another question. You know, are you. Where are you looking? Are you. Where are you looking? You know, for the. You know, hey, can you go somewhere? What's a. Where's a. Is height an issue? You know, obviously it doesn't directly correlate, but. Have you been dating taller guys? Maybe you want a smaller guy?

[Mateo Lane]

They're so big. The last guy was six, nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like she's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you recruiting? Yeah. Are you going to basketball? You know, like, pick up basketball games. Don't go there anymore. Try soccer.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, even better. Paddle ball.

[Mateo Lane]

Do you think soccer guys have smaller dicks?

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, they're just smaller guys.

[Mateo Lane]

Right. I feel like smaller guys can have, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's possible, like a really.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Have you encountered, like, a little guy with a huge dick?

[Mateo Lane]

I have, actually.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. And it's always shocking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Are they. Do they have the. Does it can't Chojo.

[Mateo Lane]

Because she was like. It looked like a kickstand.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my. My wonder is, does the. Does the big dick confidence cancel out the Napoleonic or does that. Does having a big dick and being short only fuel? Napoleon fuels Napoleon.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean. Yeah, yeah. It fuels the sort of like, they're

[Stavros Halkias]

like, why am I being mistreated by society? My dick is huge.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Because it's the energy of wanting to show you the dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Mateo Lane]

You see what I'm saying, right? The anxious. Like, before you go on stage, you're anxious. You're not nervous. You're anxious. Like, just get me out there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's a good point. Because it's like, he's like, no, I'm five four. No, not. Not enough. No women are gonna know my dick is huge. That's tough. It's like a great product with, like, a bad Bach packaging.

[Mateo Lane]

We went right back to Wicked.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. I don't know. I say these are hookups anyway, you know, explicit. If it's on apps explicitly, say it straight up. Start there. And. Yeah. Legitimately. Who. Where are you finding these guys? You know, little.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, she'll probably get inundated with guys with huge dicks and be like, you can't. You don't like this. You know, you can't accept this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Mateo Lane]

And then she's just gotta start blocking everybody.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Which is good. I like, I like. Not everything's for the big dick community, you know? Thank you, sister. You're doing a. You're doing a service to the little dick community. And once you get the word out there, that's gonna really start helping things, I think for everybody.

[Mateo Lane]

So forgetting we've seen each other naked.

[Stavros Halkias]

We have.

[Mateo Lane]

Multiple times.

[Stavros Halkias]

We certainly have. All right, well, I think that's good. I think we solved a problem.

[Elders]

Next.

[Stavros Halkias]

Next question. Elders.

[Caller]

Hello, Stavi. Hello, Elvis. Hello, wonderful, beautiful, bisexual, bi racial guests.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have no idea.

[Caller]

Wrong.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're wrong on everything.

[Caller]

I was in a relationship for seven years with a woman that I have a child with. Child's now five. And for the last eight months of our relationship, she had an affair. Older guy.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh.

[Caller]

And I knew about it the entire time.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh.

[Caller]

She gaslit me. She has a job where she, you know, travels to people's houses, takes care of them. So she's.

[Stavros Halkias]

She takes care of. She's a nurse.

[Caller]

Out all day.

[Stavros Halkias]

Older guy.

[Caller]

I'm just. Just wouldn't come home.

[Stavros Halkias]

But holy.

[Caller]

I finally caught her like red handed talking on the phone to the guy. I break up with her even pitifully, you know, beggar to just stop seeing them so we can fix our family. And I know you guys are gonna call me a. That's fine.

[Mateo Lane]

No, I'm not.

[Stavros Halkias]

What?

[Mateo Lane]

That's a reasonable thing to ask.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know, dude. No, I'm not. First of all, stop.

[Elders]

The mother of your children.

[Stavros Halkias]

My life. And the woman I thought was the love of my life and mother of my children betrayed me. And I. All I wanted was to take a minute and work on our relationship. I know. I'm a for that. What are you talking about, dude?

[Mateo Lane]

Wrong with straight people.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're. It's okay. And even if I ultimately you. I don't know if like, trying to get back with someone is ultimately the right choice.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, that was a for saying don't call me a.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I'm just. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm just saying it's like, like, you know, you were totally valid. You're. You're going through a horrible thing. It's okay to have very intense feelings about it that make you act out in multiple ways. So don't worry about it, dude. That's number one. Go ahead. I'll just keep going.

[Caller]

I don't know. Last night I got the. I miss you so much. And I've blocked him on everything.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, dude, like, I really. No.

[Caller]

Now enjoy having my family. I've already got two kids with someone else.

[Stavros Halkias]

Two with someone else. Interesting.

[Caller]

I don't know, I'm just kind of at the crossroads of like. Because I still haven't healed from all that, of course. I just. I don't know what to do. I mean, they've both said things to me that I don't know that I can ever forget.

[Elders]

Both.

[Mateo Lane]

The guy, he said he called him and they called him red handed.

[Stavros Halkias]

Her wife was. I was fucking her pussy, boy.

[Mateo Lane]

Well, she was changing my.

[Stavros Halkias]

I learned this in World War II. I put my dentures in your wife's pussy. She loved it.

[Mateo Lane]

I was talking to her about the beaches of Normandy.

[Stavros Halkias]

That wasn't the only thing I stormed. Her pussy was as wet as that bleach. I crushed your wife's like I crushed Nazi skulls. I drafted your wife's. Okay, all right. We had a little fun. We're back. We're back. See, we weren't gonna call you. We weren't gonna call you a. We were just gonna have a little fun with the situation.

[Caller]

Hear your take on this. I know you're just gonna say I didn't give enough context and. Or I went too long. I'm sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Actually, that's a good bit.

[Caller]

Love you, buddy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Actually, how self conscious you are about leaving a voicemail is instructive about what's going on here. Maybe I'm not gonna call you a. But maybe you worrying about it is the kind of thing where this has been a issue for you in your life. Maybe you are kind of. Maybe you defer a little bit. Maybe you aren't the kind of person who puts his, you know, wants and needs and feelings out there first and foremost.

[Mateo Lane]

And I'm no bitch. So chic.

[Stavros Halkias]

And, like, who knows? I can't speak again. Are we missing a little context? I can't speak to what? The reason that this relationship happened. Is it possible you did. You know, there are things that you, both of you did that led to this. Maybe. I don't know. But let's just talk about the actual situation you're in. Right? You. You. You said. And yes, him saying he really misses his family. I totally get that. And this is a great example of. It is a little immature to think cheating is the end of the world. Right? This is a good example of that. How, like, life is more complicated than cheating. Bad. Right? Cheating is bad. I get it. And a lot of people cannot get over it. And you're totally fine if you can't. But in situations when it's more complex than that, you're talking about your family you've built. You know, he's already come from a situation where he has two kids with someone else. Maybe you're tired. Maybe you're straight up just tired of trying to figure it out and you want to like. And you still, there's still love between you and this person and you want to work towards a situation where you can trust her again so you can get your family back on track. There is nothing wrong with wanting that if you think you can handle it. Right. If the, you know, if you think you can get over it. And people certainly get over cheating, right? Especially the old later in life, I think. Old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is funny that, you know, the old guy is tough and, and the fact that the guy said something like

[Mateo Lane]

when he said they've both said something,

[Stavros Halkias]

that's where I'm like, are you a bitch?

[Mateo Lane]

I also, I also.

[Stavros Halkias]

And is that a problem in your life? I'm serious. Like, did you let some fucking old guy disrespect you and you should have taken a fucking crowbar to his knees? It's possible, right? I don't know. And you have to figure that about yourself because how self conscious you are about it is a red flag to me. Right. Someone who's mentioned a couple times he's worried about how we're going to perceive

[Mateo Lane]

him on this podcast, which he was right to think so.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, it's a self fulfilling prophecy, right?

[Mateo Lane]

Of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because when you start worrying when you're insecure, it becomes obvious. And people do kind of don't respect somebody who's insecure. I mean, that's how the world works, unfortunately. Right.

[Mateo Lane]

Say, I think there's also multiple options for my accent. There's multiple options to stuff like this. I think, you know, sometimes I think people don't, they see everything very black and white. And maybe he's trying to see the situation as. There was a moment I felt secure because I had my family and everything was locked and loaded. And then this moment I felt, you know, out of everything was out of control. And so when you feel powerless and out of control, you act on fear. And so right now all he can think about is how do I get stability back?

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Mateo Lane]

And trying to get that stability means. Means family. Family is stability. Family, stability, family. It may not be. So really what you could do is focus on why don't we co parent in a way or have a relationship in a way that allows us to create stability for the family, but then we live our own separate lives. Because I think what he's really saying is I feel powerless, I feel no stability. And I'm trying to get something back in my life to Feel more streamlined. So it doesn't necessarily have to be. Get back together with her just because that represents that it can be a multitude of things.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I think that's a great point. And I do think that you have to be realistic here and that he's right. He hasn't healed from this. And I think some arrangement where you can get stability, you can work on yourself, and if you feel like it, slowly work a relationship with her again. That's in a way that, you know, you're working towards. First of all, your main goal is stability for your family, for your kid, whatever. But if you're working towards some kind of reconciliation, I think that's the way to handle it. And I also think what you said is. Is a great point where, yeah, this might just be you craving some stability. So you think, all right, if I take her back, it just becomes like it was right, and it won't. That's impossible. Whatever you do, you have to work towards. You have to work towards repairing this fucking huge betrayal at the center of your life. Whether that's repairing your relationship with this person and you guys get back together, I'm not ruling that out. But you also have to be realistic. And if you try that and it's not working, you have to realize there's no going back. We have to just form stability from whatever the fuck.

[Mateo Lane]

But either way, an internal change is going to have to be made.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly. Yes. Because part of it is also, yes, you healing and, like, and, you know, just fucking getting over. I mean, getting over this sounds cold and crass, but that's the reality is, like, where you can get to the point where this doesn't bother you as much. It's never going to fully go away, probably for a while, but. But get to the point where it's just like, you know, you're just kind of getting over it. But, yeah, look, if you feel like you want to give it another shot, that's fine. With real boundaries, I would probably say some kind of couples counseling therapy thing to start, at least mediator. Mediator at first. Because you feel. You're feeling a lot of feelings and you don't want to get too emotional. You want to. You want to give this a fair shot if you're going to do it. But also, if you realize it's not working, you don't have to fucking go through with it. Right. You're trying it for your family. But, yeah, dude, what you're feeling is totally okay. I do think you should probably look at not only counseling if you're going to get back together. But even if it's short term therapy or counseling for you, almost like grief counseling, I mean, I don't know if people do that when they get, when there's such a serious betrayal, like getting cheated on with kids, that's a fucking traumatic thing. Because it's more, it is more important they like than just you now. Right.

[Mateo Lane]

Because you feel that you're a part of something that's disappointing now. Multiple people, and it's going to shape their lives.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a betrayal on like multiple levels. Whatever other people's lives are.

[Mateo Lane]

But to be fair, he did not put himself in this position. So he is now trying to hold the emotional weight of her and him and make a decision for both of them. He has to make a decision everybody what's best for himself.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what I was gonna say is like if you feel like you're doing this and you're putting in more work like this, if you, you know, obviously you're. You have a part in forgiving and working towards rebuilding, but the person who betrayed you should be doing the heavy lifting here.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, but I do think some, I do think sometimes when, when there's cheating involved with cheating happening and people come together again, then when that other person says, I'm gonna come here and we're both going to work on this, it. It has to unfortunately be an equal move together. Otherwise the other person will feel like they have to appease.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a good point.

[Mateo Lane]

And appeasing doesn't necessarily fix what the problem was in the first place, whether that problem be their individual problem or together. So in a way, you do have to sacrifice your ego and say, we got to do this.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a good point. If you decide to do it, you have to forgive the person for it because you're right.

[Mateo Lane]

Or at least compromise your own feelings for a second to try and see if you can move forward. And we're not fundamental, we're not even

[Stavros Halkias]

saying because you might not be ready for that and that's totally okay. But whatever it is, you have to decide what's best for you and your kids. And not because right now, of course you want your family back. But what you really want, first and foremost is for this to have never happened. You want to go back in time. That's not an option. So if you really sit with your feelings and think, do I want to work to get my family back, even though I didn't deserve this at all, if the answer is yes, try It Godspeed. If the answer is no, that's okay too. Just know that's a different, harder road. And you're going to be single. And you're rebuilding for. You know, you're rebuilding again. And now you. Now you're the guy with two ex baby mamas. You know what I mean? That's another thing that's probably weighing on your head on some level. But that's life, baby. You didn't. You did. It's not your fault somebody cheated on you.

[Elders]

If your penis is small, maybe we'll get you in touch with the woman from the first fall. Yeah, that could be your little rebound.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you should be like, I get to five ladies now, bitch. One old guy equals five awesome chances at pussy. My mom's Liza Minnelli. You don't fucking. You don't fucking treat me like this. I fuck pussy.

[Mateo Lane]

I forgot I said that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Play us another one, Big Eldo.

[Caller]

Hey, this is okay. I'm gonna talk about myself first and then I'm gonna ask my question. So great. I am in my mid-30s. I'm a hospice nurse. I live with my mom, my sister, and my sister's fiance, Kayla. It's so chill. It's so nice. It's like four adult women. It's always clean. Somebody's making cookies.

[Stavros Halkias]

That sounds awesome.

[Caller]

I smoke joints in my garden all the time. It's so nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sounds nice.

[Caller]

But I like being a nurse. I've been a nurse for a really long time. Like 12ish years. Okay, 11 years. I don't know. But I also run a pretty successful only fans page. I'm single now, but I've been dating here and there. And I'm just wondering what your thoughts are on, like, when's the right time to tell somebody about that? Because I like to be really like, direct and upfront, but, you know, it carries some stigmas still, so I don't know. And like, you know, it's kind of a. Like a weird niche thing, so that's interesting. I don't know. What do you think the right answer is? I don't think it should matter. But I also only do solo stuff. I don't have content up with other dudes or anything like that. I feel like that changes things.

[Stavros Halkias]

It kind of does. I think it does. I haven't answered it.

[Caller]

I mean, it's good money. It's kind of hot. It's fun. I like it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. If you have a good time, I

[Caller]

wonder what your thoughts are. Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that she's riding a sibian and her mom and her and her gay in laws are downstairs making crescent rolls. But everything's clean, but it's spotless.

[Mateo Lane]

I think that she actually answered her own question. I think that being upfront about it weeds out the insecure men because it takes a man who understands that she's got a business and she knows what she has and she's branding herself and she's making money and that, you know, I think an insecure straight guy would be like, they. They think quite possessive when it comes to women. Like, she's my woman and my woman and nobody can say. And I understand that, like, that's how you think you're supposed to care. But in reality it doesn't. It actually hinders someone else's own self expression. So I think that if she enjoys, if she sounds like she's enjoying it and she's making good money, find the guy that's gonna be proud of her and say, you know what you do? You. That's it. That's a great way of finding my

[Stavros Halkias]

wife busted wide open on the Internet. That's my girl, dude. Look at those asses.

[Mateo Lane]

My mom's Liza Minnelli.

[Stavros Halkias]

Am I. And I know good performance and I know artistry because my mom's Liza Minnelli. My. My wife is shaking those ass cheeks like my mom doing the Charleston as a toddler. Liza Minnelli's son is one of our favorite. He's one of my favorite characters in the. In the canon. In the Stavi's world canon.

[Mateo Lane]

I know good performance.

[Stavros Halkias]

My mom's wise and I know stage presence.

[Mateo Lane]

You don't know the lineage I come from.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know I just look like some guy who works for Deloitte, but I fucking know performance, bro.

[Mateo Lane]

My granddad's Vincent Minnelli.

[Stavros Halkias]

I have a gay, gay great grandfather. Both my grandfather and great grandfather are homosexuals. So. Okay, this. This is an interesting call. I love, I do. I do love. By the way. It is also like how bad the economy is. Has just forced us back into village style living where it's like she's in a commune with three gener. It's beautiful.

[Elders]

And she's a nurse.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she's a nurse. She's a nurse.

[Mateo Lane]

And.

[Stavros Halkias]

And putting them and dumping those titties out, dude. It's. It's crazy.

[Mateo Lane]

So funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, hopefully she's doing well from it. I hope so. But it is so. And I'm glad. And I actually love that. I mean, Greek people live. It's like basically in my family, in Greece. It's like everybody and a lot of people, how they do it is there's an apartment building and every generation has their own floor.

[Mateo Lane]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And to me, that's the dream. Like, I still dream sometimes of like, like someday, dude, buying stuff like a building. And it's like we live on the like, me eldest, straight George, the elusive and mysterious Big P. And like, that would be awesome. You know what I mean? And I love. But you know, a house is a little different. I think they all deserve their own floor. But anyway, what they got going is great. I love what you're doing over there.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, for me. And I do think there are levels to just like anything. There are levels to stuff. And I think like, I don't know, solo stuff. And I. Obviously I'm not the average guy, but to me, I would rather you do solo only fans and work for a defense contractor. You know what I mean? Like, like to me it's like there's solo only fans is like, is like lawyer to me.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? It's like, it's like great. Oh, is it? You know, good for you. I'm not that interested, you know. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

It's like, I'm not even trying to be like, I'm liberal and I live.

[Stavros Halkias]

We are a little bit though. We have to be honest. We are, but this is different for us.

[Mateo Lane]

I understand. You're right, you're right, you're right. I get it. I get it. But I, I'm also saying, like, there is really truly a part of me that's just like, yeah, I don't. That's fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

I, I agree.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm not bothered by it.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I would. Now, where we're going to be realistic here is like, if it was other people and other guys in particular, that's a harder sell.

[Mateo Lane]

It's a harder sell for sure. And definitely she does have to have a conversation because you'd have to say, are you okay with me engaging in sex with other people? You know, it's for my business, blah, blah. I understand that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think that' more reasonable to have a hard line stance about. But to me, and I think to probably a lot like there is a difference between doing and then the other thing is like, how public? Because the other thing people might think is like how public it is. Like, you know, if you're very serious about this. What if you have kids, like, you know, thinking about that.

[Caller]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which again, there's ways to handle all that stuff. But they're all valid concerns and like, yeah. Is it. Is it like your secret thing? You have a fucking mask. You're wearing a fucking, you know, luchador mask and playing with your pussy and nobody really knows? Or do you have an Instagram account that's like the Naughty Nurse? You know what I mean? It's like you're tagging yourself. You're wearing your fucking scrub. You're tagging yourself in your home. Like, there's. There's also differences to how public you are about it, how much of your life it is. Because also, it's like. Anyway, so there's a ton of different stuff, but I think. I think relatively soon is the way to go. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. But I think maybe not the first day.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think. I think maybe even first, second. Because the first two dates are sort of like you're feeling people out.

[Mateo Lane]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. I think it's kind of like, how much of a connection do you feel with someone? The way I look at it is like, how serious is this gonna be?

[Caller]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you feel like it might be serious, drop it. Like, date three. You know what I mean? Like, talk to somebody. Because, like, you don't want to build something with someone that. That you don't. You know, you don't want to build something and then, like, have this thing hanging over. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Because obviously, if it's something that's weighing on you, then you probably want to say it sooner than later because you also don't want to feel like you're hiding something from somebody for a long time. Not that that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. I don't think it's bad at all. But I'm sure it'll be on her mind. And if she likes someone, then she's gonna steep more into fear, you know? So just kind of be upfront about it, and she might be surprised with the responses that she gets.

[Stavros Halkias]

And look, also, there's. There's a way to look at it where it's like, look, if it comes up naturally. Where it's like, you're about work, and you're like, I'm a. You could be like, I'm a nurse. And I. You know, I also have. I have, like, another. I have an only Fans page. When it comes, she's like, I'm a

[Mateo Lane]

nurse, and I'm a nurse, and I'm a. Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But, yeah, I think it's the kind of thing where you don't need to drop it immediately. No, Right. I think you want to see if you're compatible with somebody.

[Mateo Lane]

Unless he met her from her only fans and was like, can I take you for a drink sometime?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, I don't think that's happening.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh, nice. Hell yeah. We got a little peek into the gay mind.

[Mateo Lane]

I just would say, I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Using only fans as a dating app. Let me say something.

[Mateo Lane]

Not as a dating app. I'm just saying it wouldn't. If some like, I have friends with only fans and it doesn't even cross my.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. I really find it hard to believe that like a straight guy is getting a date from an only fans creator that he like follows. Unless he's like a super fan or some shit. But even then, the relationship is very like trick or fin dom or something like that. I'm not saying it's impossible and I'm sure it's happened.

[Caller]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. It's the same way. It's like, yes, some. Sometimes guys get the fuck strippers. It's rare. But every once in a while it happens. It's kind of like that. I would say, okay, you know, I don't think it's happening that way. And if that happens, I don't think the guy. I think then you have a whole different problem where it's like, is he only fetishizing me for my body? Whereas, like, if you meet someone who doesn't know it, it's like the exact opposite where it's like, is he going to see this as too, you know, to whatever. He's just not going.

[Mateo Lane]

On that note, she might find guys that find that empowering. I think, hey, my girl's really into, you know, she owns her sexuality. I think that's kind of hot.

[Stavros Halkias]

I do. Yeah, exactly. I think. I think basically you treat this like any kind of like, you know, like if telling somebody you have a kid, do they need to know the first date?

[Mateo Lane]

Well, that's a strict no for me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, But. Yeah, yeah, but. So I don't know. I think you're fine. I think this is the kind of thing where it's like, if you start to feel a connection with someone. I think the range is dates two through four, depending on how serious the dates are and how much time you've spent with them.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, I think that's about right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And like, you feel it out. And I would even say it's like, if you. I don't know what kind of dating she's doing. If it's casual, I don't even know that you need to tell someone. You know what I mean?

[Mateo Lane]

Casual. I don't think I agree with you. I don't think.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I think she's. She's asking about if it gets serious. If it gets.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah. Three to fourth.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'll know once you're feeling a connection with someone. The 2 to 4 range, I think, is where you drop that. And. And also just explain it. I mean, part of it is, like, if you need to. If you're doing sex work, but you're in control, you do it solo, you get the money directly. You know what I mean? You're not putting. You're not. It's not dangerous. Which is one of the nice.

[Mateo Lane]

How should she present it then? Because I think that she should say. Let's say that she really has a connection with somebody.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

And so they're. At that point, I think what she should say. We're like, okay, you know, I just want to tell you something. And to be. Just to be vulnerable with you, I'm a little nervous because I know that this can kind of freak people out, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Mateo Lane]

I do a solo. Only fans.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

And it's something that I love.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love doing it. It helps pay the bill. Like, I think it's realistic because if somebody's telling you I picked up safe solo sex work to help pay the

[Mateo Lane]

bills, but I don't have to be

[Stavros Halkias]

a real animal to be like, I don't think.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't think she. I don't think she should. She should not ask how he feels about that. No. Because implies that there's shame. What she should say is, this is what I do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just letting you know, you know, and. Because I've. And you can even say, like, I'm feeling connection with you, and I want to put all my cards out on the table if this is something you're cool with or if it's not. And you know, either way. Well, it's like, either we move forward or we don't. And, you know, there's a million different reasons somebody might not. Who's gone on two good dates, might not go on a third. This happens to be one of them. You want to find that out sooner rather than later. Yeah, I think it's that simple.

[Mateo Lane]

I think that's that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Wow.

[Mateo Lane]

We really. We should do.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're geniuses, dude. And our mom. And we.

[Caller]

We.

[Mateo Lane]

My mom's Liza.

[Stavros Halkias]

You ever heard of all that jazz? I was on that set. Finger popping at age five.

[Mateo Lane]

What could it. Sitting when you're alone in your room. Come to the cabaret, you. You fucking pussy. Jesus fucking Christ, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're gonna do ketamine and watch fucking ladies tap dance, dude. Folks, it's the season of love. And whether you're swiping for the one or already found them, there's one thing nobody wants this season. Getting catfished. And it's not just dating profiles that are putting you at risk. It's also big wireless carriers. You know, the type of looks great at first, promises a low price, but once you're locked in, surprise fees, a long fine print contracts, and an expensive bill that isn't adding up, your knight in shining armor. Visible Wireless. It's one line wireless with unlimited data and hotspot for just $25 a month, taxes and fees included. Seriously, 25 bucks a month flat. The best part, Visible is all digital, so you can switch as fast as you can swipe. Plus no contract needed. For those of you who get freaked out by commitment, don't fall for the trap of getting catfished by Wireless. Visit visible.com to learn more and start loving your wireless carrier. Switch [e-mail] terms apply. See visible.com for plan features and network management details. Hey, everyone, it's me, Morgan Stewart, and I have a new podcast called the Morgan Stewart Show. Join me each week as I talk about pop culture, fashion, my personal life, and just a warning, I'm gonna be giving my opinion on everything. I'll also have some really fun guests to join in on the fun. The Morgan Stewart show is out now. Listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts or watch full video on YouTube. Hit us another one. Sing us another song. Mr. Eldis.

[Caller]

What's up, Stav? What's up, Eldis? Look, I got not too big of a problem, but enough to where it drives me up a wall.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay?

[Caller]

Feel baddie. Sometimes I absolutely love my girlfriend. She means the world to me. We're great. We really do great. Perfect relationship.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay?

[Caller]

The only thing, we'll sit down at the end of a nice long day and she'll go, can we watch a movie? Sure, let's watch a movie.

[Mateo Lane]

Movie.

[Caller]

Doesn't matter. If she puts it on, I put it on. Whatever. But if it's like, if we're gonna watch a movie, let's watch the movie. Doesn't matter. It. Why do we even put the movie on? Because all she does is talk the whole time. She talks the entire time, asking me questions. What's going on? What's. What's happening?

[Mateo Lane]

I don't know.

[Caller]

I know as much as you do. Yeah, but I don't know how to tell her that in a nice manner. Because I really am. I'm a very nice, pleasant person. I'm a nice guy. I'm not an asshole. I'm not. I don't lash out. But this is the one thing that she does that makes me absolutely furious and makes my blood boil.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the more and more I believe

[Caller]

you, the quieter and more furious I get. And I don't want to blow up on her. I sound like an.

[Stavros Halkias]

But.

[Caller]

So, yeah, if you have any suggestions, any. Any thoughts on how I should approach this, how I should tell her this, because I just feel like any way I tell her, I can go to sound like an ass, but.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you've never had any idea.

[Caller]

Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

[Mateo Lane]

All right, I have an idea. But I have a question for both of you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay. Especially growing up in a Greek home because Italians, I've never. The TV's been on, right? I've definitely never heard it. Oh, there's too many people talking all at the same time.

[Stavros Halkias]

I watched a lot of stuff through chaos for sure, growing up because, like. Because, like, you own. There was only one tv, right? Like, but you're just like, kind of zeroing in and being like, shut the fuck. You know, being annoyed and like. And that's when getting your own TV was huge. Of course, like, we were of the age where it's like, I mean, dude, we age ourselves so much. Kids are gonna like, Gen Z hear this. And we're talking about getting a tv.

[Mateo Lane]

They've got their laptops, they've got their phones.

[Stavros Halkias]

It sounds like we're talking about washing our. Washing our clothes and hanging it out to dry on the. Which my mom did also do. Like, but. But it is funny that we really are on the cusp of like, we really were like, had. Did some things that were old world and some things that are like, you know, as. There was one TV. There was one. There was one TV for a lot of my life. I got a TV when I was like 13 or 14.

[Mateo Lane]

Imagine, everyone had to agree on the movie that they wanted to watch.

[Stavros Halkias]

You and your brother, you and your. Like, that's. Yeah, me and my brothers had to like, agree on stuff, right? Yes, I think. I mean, what about you? You. There's one TV I.

[Elders]

There.

[Stavros Halkias]

I do remember, like, you really did key. Like, you would, like, really watch stuff, though.

[Elders]

I remember watching stuff through chaos at the same time. I feel like with my family, it was a lot of like, communal time around the television and there's not a ton of talking going on. In fact, I have like, memories of like, my grandma or my mom is, like, washing a dish in the kitchen. And my dad's like, you keep that fucking shit down. Like, he just, like, blows up really disproportionately because he's watching, like, whatever bullshit is on that he doesn't even give a about.

[Stavros Halkias]

I actually do will say that's true. And I also think it's because your family actually respected America. And there was like. There was like a. Let's understand the culture aspect to your parents watching t. That.

[Elders]

That's interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Didn't really have, like, my dad hated American stuff. Like, he. He only watched TV when we got satellite and watched Greek TV around when I was around 11, and that's when we got ca. Like, we didn't have cable. And then for the first few years, they wouldn't add any cable packages. We got a satellite TV only for Greek stuff. And they're like, hey, it's like $4 more to get, like, all these channels. And my dad just wouldn't do it until we begged him for it. But anyway, like, this can I say,

[Mateo Lane]

though, I grew up, I filmed. One time, I was at my. My nana's house, and I had, like, five of my aunts were over and my grandpa, and they were watching Hoarders. My nana loves Hoarders.

[Stavros Halkias]

Was she a hoarder?

[Mateo Lane]

No, that house is. There's no cleaner house on earth. She loves Thousand Pound Sisters. That's one of her favorite people. And she loves. Game of Thrones is one of her favorite shows. She has a game. She has a Jon Snow mug. And she met him. She loves him. She loves. Oh, yeah.

[Elders]

So she did.

[Mateo Lane]

No, Thousand Pound Sisters is one of her favorite shows. You know, her in her house coat watching it. But anyways, we were watching it. I was home in Chicago, and I just realized, like, everyone's talking at the same time. They are screaming at the. And they're all trying to outdo each other and make each other laugh. So I just started filming it, and then I eventually sent it to Rachel Feinstein, who was like, I cannot believe this is the house you grew up. And I was like, they just are.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Like, they show, like, you know, the dead cat or my grandma. Oh, my God. My Aunt Lisa's like. And she's got him do this to the toilet to get the. To go down, you know, my grandpa's like, I can't hear the tv. He's blind. So anyway.

[Stavros Halkias]

But, yeah, no, it was never that bad. It was never that bad. It was just like, you know, noises happening. One TV parent, you know, everyone's in the same room. We never had that, like, boisterous. If anything, that would sometimes happen at holidays, like at Easter or Thanksgiving, when it is a bunch of Greek people. And then it became that, like, showing off, trying to get laughs. I'm definitely. As a child, that's one of the first places you're kind of performing before realizing it. But. And even that, I still remember, like, watching. That's how I saw Star wars for the first time. You know, clat. Like classic holiday movies, family vacation, all this kind of shit. I was. I was like. They showed me, like, my. My brother's godmother's kids who effectively were, like, older cousins in terms of, like, what they meant to us. They showed us so much American culture and movies every. Cause, like, my parents really did not give them. My mom did a little bit, but she was so overworked and my dad didn't give a fuck at all. But I will say this particular thing would drive me crazy.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

I will say, though, I have. Sometimes you go. You go out with, like, cinephiles, like, girls who are into movies, and you'll just. Just come. Like, you'll both just end up watching a movie and be too tired to fuck. That's the flip side of this is like, if you date someone who really locks into movies, you can think you're about to fuck and then just, like, end up watching the conversation or whatever. And so that. My advice here is kind of the flip side of my thing where it's like, I think you have to set different. There's different movies for different types of hangs. Yeah, right. I think what you need to do, you're never gonna eliminate. This is how your wife is programmed. This is how she wants to behave, whatever. So the compromise to me is you have movie night. You have movies that are almost designed to be talked over. So, like, look, if I want. If I want to invite, like, you know, don't. Don't put on a gripping drama and like, you know, don't put on a gripping drama and just expect her to fucking sit through it. It put on something goofy. We do that a lot. I feel like we're kind of the masters of that because, like, on the bus, they're really, you know, we'll watch fucking Seagal movies that you just don't really need to. You know, you want to pay attention to the fight scenes, but then there's big stretches where you don't have to really fucking listen and. Or put on a movie you've seen a hundred times and talk over. But I think you have to be like, hey, tonight we're doing a fucking, doing a movie where we pay attention. And I do think you need to kind of, I think you have to introduce the concept first.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like the fact that he's never said this to his wife. Yeah. You got to be like, you've just been silently stewing, and you should.

[Mateo Lane]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is going to be a little not awkward, but it's gonna be like,

[Mateo Lane]

hey, picking up on that, like, heat. And she doesn't understand why, so she keeps talking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

And he's not communicating, so she's like, did I do something wrong? Maybe if I engage more in the

[Stavros Halkias]

movie, he'll pay attention.

[Mateo Lane]

You know, this.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, stewing is never good. Never.

[Mateo Lane]

It's kind of cute that it's just about a movie. Like, they do sound like, that's, that is.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is cute. That is cute. But I think you should have the conversation. You'd be like, hey, this fucking drives me crazy. And it's like, let's have some, like, let's figure. And I think you need to explicitly be like, tonight's a talkie movie. You know what I mean? And tonight's. I could zip it up. You know what I mean? Like, I think, I think there are. Because, you know, I'm somebody who likes to watch. You know, we will throw on movies all the time. And yeah, there's a difference between if you put on Pulp Fiction, which I've seen a hundred times, we'll talk when something cool's about to happen, we'll watch that, we'll go back to talking. But if there's a movie I really want to fucking see, I think that's really. You just have to have a conversation and be like, what are we in the mood for tonight? Yeah, we're in the mood for just a fucking blabbering ass fucking. And maybe his wife is constantly in the mood for blabbering, but that's okay. That's what compromises. You do it some of the time. You do. You do it her way.

[Mateo Lane]

That's a perfect answer.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know, Elders.

[Mateo Lane]

That's like, literally perfect.

[Stavros Halkias]

As a married man, do you have any insight here, Eldon? Because I feel like you and your, you and your wife actually are pretty good about watching stuff together.

[Elders]

Yeah, we watch stuff. I, I, I definitely wouldn't say she does this sometimes. Like, we'll both do it where, you know, gossip maybe. Or we'll watch a movie. We'll watch A movie. And then she'll be like, oh, wait, why is he, is he her? Is he the dad or. And I do it too. And it's just like, you know, I think we're both like, are we missing something or. And a lot of times with movies like, like you have to watch and see how the plot unfolds and you may not know an answer.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't fucking know. Let's find out.

[Elders]

So I don't know when that happens. I'm just like, oh, I don't think we know yet. Which is like, okay, let's keep watching.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

But I don't know, it's never really that bad of a problem. But I think I, I really like, I don't think we know yet because that's like, I don't know. And it's like we have to keep, you're signaling. We have to continue watching to know what happens. The story hasn't unfolded that far.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, Right.

[Elders]

Like I would probably say go for little tricks or signals like that rather than, rather than, you know what you're, what you're suggesting stuff I think is a good suggestion. But I think it could come off as like condescending a little where it's like, okay, it's like talking to a kid or something. It's like, okay, we're gonna watch Love is Blind now.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. But also she's behaving like a child.

[Elders]

I don't know. Sometimes you just let loose and want to like talk your through a movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course it's good. But of course. But I think there is times to do that. And I also think, I'm not saying do this all at once. I think it starts with a conversation. Right. You're like, hey, I gotta come clean about something. It's a bit of a pet peeve when we talk through movies and it's like, I don't want to sound like a dick. Sometimes we should just pick movies that we're not that invested in so we can talk and catch up. But there's going to be other times where I really want to watch a movie. I, I, it's more like it's not like, okay, you've been good. You get to talk through some dumb rom com use.

[Mateo Lane]

That can be talk here. No talking. No talking. Got it?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, I'm serious.

[Mateo Lane]

Do that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I think as long as you put it in a way that's like, look, it's a little bit of a pet peeve.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like let's certain time when we're Picking, like a really good movie that I want to see. I don't want to talk through it, you know, now other times where we're just kind of chilling and watching a dumb movie, and I think that just will naturally happen. Like, you know, if we're watching Independence Day, we'll talk over.

[Mateo Lane]

We should watch Independence. Ridiculous.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. We just watched.

[Mateo Lane]

Did you ever hear Patrice o' Neal and Jim Norton talk about it on the radio years ago?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, no. Got to pull that up.

[Mateo Lane]

Is one of the funniest.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pull that up, guys. I'm sure it's funnier than this podcast. Take a break and watch. Actually, when comics cared about broadcasting, when it was like they were trying to prove themselves and not handed a million dollar job for barely caring. Look, I don't know why this is how it is either, okay? Don't get mad at me. It just happened this way. I don't know what. Anyway, I'm Elijah Manoli, son.

[Mateo Lane]

He's getting more aggressive.

[Stavros Halkias]

We did a great character. All right, next question. Eldest. Do a couple more here.

[Caller]

Hey, first time caller, long time listener. Star, eldest. Esteemed guests. I wanted to call in. I've called him before, honestly, with like the same question.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caller]

But I thought I could tell a little more succinctly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Caller]

So basically, I like eating right. Like, always have, whatever. Just always enjoyed it. And I've been with this girl for the last couple years, and it's going really well, you know, Rose young. We're really, really in love and all that. And, you know, I really love. And I don't know, this is starting to get to the point where it's like, it could be thinking about marriage, stuff like that. We're really young, so it's like a couple years away for sure. But still, that's awesome. I don't eat her. Right. Like, we've done it a couple times. But thing is, she has herpes. Right? And herpes ain't too big a deal. I've kind of accepted at some point through our relationship if we stay together for a long time. And that's looking like the case. Right.

[Mateo Lane]

Is he whispering because he's nervous or because she's next?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I don't know why. He definitely is mush mouth and whispering. Got a yeah. Herpes. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Caller]

Okay. But I've yet to contract it. Right. In like four years. So pretty much my question is, should I just say it and eat her? Should I just add that into the. The daily rotation, or should I just keep myself clean as long as I have? Can and when it happens, what happens then maybe I can go wild. But anyway, yeah, thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you have any advice, an interesting quandary.

[Mateo Lane]

Here's what you're gonna fucking do.

[Stavros Halkias]

So his girl has herpes.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I don't. Correct me if I'm wrong here. If she's. She takes her medicine, she doesn't have an outbreak, you can eat her pussy, right?

[Mateo Lane]

I think so.

[Elders]

I think so.

[Stavros Halkias]

Talk to a doctor. I think you can. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Don't call Stavros the show. Speak to your practitioner.

[Stavros Halkias]

I do think I hooked up with somebody. She told me she had herpes after.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which kind of a wild move. But I got tested and I'm clean. I've eaten somebody's pussy that had herpes without knowing it.

[Mateo Lane]

Am I eating someone's pussy that has herpes?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think I'm gonna guess.

[Mateo Lane]

No.

[Stavros Halkias]

For certain mitigating factors, I'm gonna guess no.

[Mateo Lane]

I feel like if you take your medicine, you should be fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think maybe if you plant it around when the medicine is the strongest and it's a treat to eat. Like. Like, I guess she doesn't. Is she self conscious about it? I don't understand. Well, I guess we don't know that.

[Elders]

We don't know.

[Mateo Lane]

But maybe she just thinks he doesn't like eating pussy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. I think if she's on her medicine. Yeah. We've kind of Benny Buttcheeks, who does not have herpes, but he's talked on this podcast about how the stigma is too high for herpes, which I do kind of think it actually doesn't really affect your life that much once you get on the medicine, but I think you're okay, dude. I don't know. Talk to a doctor, Talk to a sex ed teacher. But I'm pretty sure you could eat your girlfriend's. As long as she's like, you know, don't, don't. If it's.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean, you're having sex, having an outbreak, I think you're fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. He's also her. So he's like, okay.

[Mateo Lane]

That's. My other thing is like, is he

[Stavros Halkias]

wearing a condom every time? Oh, that's crazy. But maybe give him a call.

[Elders]

Yeah, it is funny because this is like a bigger commitment than, like, proposing to her. He's like, should I give her the eating ring? The eating her?

[Stavros Halkias]

Should I risk getting oral herpes? Because I love doing it. I also respect this man. He's this. For the love of the game. I mean, dude, I think. I don't know. I Think this is a purely medical question. There's no emotional stuff. There's nothing else. Ask a doctor if you can eat with. If somebody has herpes.

[Mateo Lane]

I feel like the other. Just think you can. It's low risk.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

I take herpes medicine every day.

[Elders]

Even if you don't have an outbreak, like, there is a risk. Risk or something, but I think they

[Mateo Lane]

have to say it. Like, bleach kills 99.9 of all germs. I can't say 100.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's one of those things that you're fine. My guess is you're probably fine.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And just. And maybe don't eat constantly, I guess, if it weighs on you. But at least get it in the mix, in the rotation a little more.

[Elders]

Yeah. Work up to.

[Mateo Lane]

I feel like, yeah, consult yourself, but

[Stavros Halkias]

again, consult a medical professional. This feels like a purely medical question,

[Mateo Lane]

but do you take medicine every day? Like, is it like, prep, like you take. Or like birth control? Do you take medicine every day?

[Stavros Halkias]

I have no idea. We should become more versed on this. If we have any herpes experts calling, we'd love to expand our base of knowledge. I wonder what that girl's up to. She was hot too, but I felt pissed because I was like. It was a. Like, you gotta. Because the thing is, if she would have told me, I would have been like, all right.

[Caller]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

But she just didn't tell me.

[Elders]

Maybe you should get it going one more time stuff for the good of the show and the. And the knowledge base so that I

[Stavros Halkias]

could tell this guy.

[Mateo Lane]

Yeah, you're acquiring more knowledge.

[Stavros Halkias]

She was awes. This was right after the pandemic, when pretty much everybody was. When New York lifted the ban. And it was awesome. That was the best that. That, that, like, post Covid summer in New York was.

[Mateo Lane]

Where were you during the pandemic?

[Stavros Halkias]

I was in Queens.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, I was. Yeah. I was in Manhattan.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

It's kind of one of the best summers ever.

[Stavros Halkias]

That summer was awesome.

[Mateo Lane]

Neil and Jose at the Cellar, just

[Stavros Halkias]

hanging out every day and I like that summer.

[Mateo Lane]

Oh, I, like, loved.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was good. That was awesome.

[Mateo Lane]

We collectively, like, every three years, take a summer off.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Just everyone's. You can't. Why not pick a place. You got two weeks to pick a place and then stay there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sounds nice.

[Mateo Lane]

It was amazing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Anyway, good luck. Godspeed. I think you could probably eat your girlfriend's. But talk to a doctor about it also.

[Mateo Lane]

Maybe just say to her you're feeling insecure. If you guys have been together that long, she'll understand. You guys should have a conversation about it. Maybe. Tonight's a talkie, not a talking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is that part of it? Him feeling insecure? He's eat her.

[Mateo Lane]

No, I know, but he's feeling insecure around the fact that, like, I don't want to maybe talk to her about. He was whispering the whole time. I don't want to. I don't want to talk to her about it because he probably doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

[Stavros Halkias]

I really want to eat, but I don't want to get her bees. Is that okay?

[Elders]

That is true. I. I do wonder, like, how frankly they have discussed. Discussed herpes, probably. If she's been like, I have herpes. They both know it. And then he just assumes he can't either.

[Mateo Lane]

I would think he could then.

[Elders]

And maybe she doesn't even know herself. Maybe she's not that educated on it.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's very possible.

[Elders]

Has herpes and, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, she should.

[Mateo Lane]

I mean, once you get it, you should. She should know, right? Your doctor has to sit you down and be like this maybe.

[Elders]

How many times do you get sick and, like, you know, you barely.

[Stavros Halkias]

Not really follow the instructions. Don't take all your antibiotics.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

You gotta finish them.

[Stavros Halkias]

I do. I do now.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you know. But yeah, I think you're fine. I didn't for much of my life.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Place another one. Little eldest.

[Caller]

Stavi. Wondering if it's morally incorrect to not want an ugly masseuse.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. Next question.

[Mateo Lane]

What the are you talking about?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, is she good at massaging?

[Caller]

I don't know if that's completely wrong.

[Stavros Halkias]

A dude.

[Mateo Lane]

What did he say? Go back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is he gay?

[Caller]

If it's more.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is this guy straight and wants a hot male masseuse?

[Elders]

You guys are doing the movie thing right now. Just, like, listen to the call.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right.

[Mateo Lane]

Talking to the Greek.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, go ahead, Go ahead.

[Caller]

Morally incorrect to not want an ugly masseuse, even. Even if it's a dude, you know, I mean, I just don't want an ugly masseuse. I don't know if that's completely wrong.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's weird. It's weird to think down.

[Caller]

Obviously, wanting an attractive person to rub your entire body is inherently sort of,

[Stavros Halkias]

you know, you're turning it sexual, basically.

[Caller]

It's got to be a little bit wrong.

[Mateo Lane]

Williams,

[Caller]

A larger Mediterranean man, thought on this. Only one thought not to. Thank you very much.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's it. That's the whole question. Oh, what's up, Shop?

[Mateo Lane]

Evan Williams, man. Yo.

[Stavros Halkias]

What? What if a hot guy touch my Ass man, the little guy. 7 Dude. So I would say yes. I also see where you're coming from. Like, I actually, I'm working on a bit about this. I don't think it'll make this special, but it's like, it is like crazy how people just want like. Like if you get a ugly. If you go to a restaurant, you get the ugly waitress. You're pissed. But it's like, why? Who cares?

[Mateo Lane]

I've never even thought of that.

[Stavros Halkias]

What if she's all right? Well, you know, you just would rather. I think there is a general inclination for humanity to want a more beautiful. Just the best of whatever best in general terms. And so I get. I sort of get it. But I also think what's best in a masseuse is their ability to give you a massage.

[Mateo Lane]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like to me, I guess all things being equal, if you get the best masseu two masseuses that are equally skilled and one is hot and one is not, I guess I would prefer the hot one just cause.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

But all things are very rarely ever equal. Right. Ultimately it's like I and I. You know what, this happened to me where I got somebody who was like, you know, kind of busted, but they were good at giving a massage and so who cares? And I would probably argue, argue the uglier person is better at their job because hot people get away with a lot.

[Mateo Lane]

I don't think he's worried about the actual.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that's, that's what's going on here. Is this guy just talk. Is he trying to get a Thailand on the beach style massage?

[Mateo Lane]

If you're talking about he wants to be finished.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are you talking about a happy ending? Is that what you're talking about? But like, if you're talking about a non sexual massage, it's weird for you to care. How so? Like, is it wrong? I guess it's not wrong unless you're not booking sessions because they're ugly. But I guess it's not wrong. It's just weird is how I come down on it. It doesn't affect your life. It doesn't. You don't. Being hot is not part of being a masseuse, an actual masseuse. You know what I mean? So if you're actually getting a massage, I get a massage. It's not like I'm attracted to the person who gives me a massage. Like right now because of my back. I've been getting like a regular and I found someone who's like, you know, I don't want to fuck them. But I've been going back because they're a great masseuse. Like that's all there is to it. I don't understand like you do put him saying even if it's a dude is fascinating because is it a vanity thing?

[Mateo Lane]

Because for someone to say only someone who's attractive can touch me. And it makes me feel like, what who are you?

[Stavros Halkias]

I know that's the interesting thing is like what is at the base of that feeling? Immediately knee jerk. We. We think sexual, right?

[Mateo Lane]

Is it that looks maxing guy clavicular?

[Stavros Halkias]

Is it?

[Mateo Lane]

Maybe, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean but that's a good point. That's a van. That's a type of vanity. That's almost like this is where like our society is kind of going backwards in a lot of ways. Where like, yeah, just be openly saying like I want hot people to fucking. I only want to be around hot people. It's like most people aren't hot. By saying like you're like. It's just weird to want to take to get. I guess sort of this. If it was up to you, this guy, he would discriminate against ugly masseuses. And that's the wrong part of it because I think our society cannot reward like we have. We can't. You know, meritocracy is what we want to have a functioning society. We can't go back to like. Like it's kind of old world ass villager thinking to be like, I need a hot purse. Everyone around me needs to be hot. It's like everyone around you to be good at their job.

[Mateo Lane]

But it's oddly, I think some. Some people are chronically online. And when you're chronically online, you start to see obviously the best of the best, like the hottest people on the beach, the hot this and that. So you start to think to yourself, I've curated this life. You know, even if you play video games, you select a hot character. You select.

[Stavros Halkias]

You were just talking about Hassan. He's stupid. He's just hot, hot. This is my friend. I can on him.

[Mateo Lane]

He is very hot. It's kind of a problem. He knows he's got a big gay following as a result, right? He's like this straight guy with this huge following in those cheekbones.

[Stavros Halkias]

He knows what he's doing.

[Mateo Lane]

I just don't think why do knows what he's doing. It doesn't make sense.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know what to tell.

[Mateo Lane]

Give me the cheekbones. But yeah, I think maybe he's chronically online. He starts to think that like Everything has to be curated to his quote unquote taste. Like, not everyone in life has to look like your explorer page.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. There's something kind of sinister, honestly, about wanting hot. Only hot people around.

[Mateo Lane]

Because the bringing up the guy thing

[Stavros Halkias]

is also saying even the guy means it's not sexual. I agree. Or you're bi, which is fine.

[Mateo Lane]

No, I agree, but I don't think,

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it's purely an aesthetics thing.

[Mateo Lane]

I agree.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's purely like only the most beautiful. And it's like, look, most society isn't beautiful.

[Mateo Lane]

Now if I saw a picture of him, he was the hottest man in the world.

[Stavros Halkias]

Be like, okay, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. If he was a piece of ass, maybe it's different.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm joking, I'm joking.

[Stavros Halkias]

But even then I feel like. I feel like hot people like to be around the ugly. Like, like they're doing charity work. They feel like, you know, so yeah, dude, I would say that is weird and you should interrogate that thought. And it's a bad. I do think it's unbalanced bad to have that thought process. Even though I don't think, I'm not even. I'm not being judgmental towards you because I understand the sort of knee jerk reaction. But it's also like if you do the math on that thinking you get back to a society that like ignores disabled people is racist. Because now if we're talking about beauty, we're talking about a lot of beauty standards tend to be racist. So it's like when he's saying beautiful, is he talking about people that aren't whatever ethnicity he is or whatever or what, you know, light skinned, whatever. Like the fair. Fair. Com. Like this kind of western beauty standard stuff.

[Mateo Lane]

By the way, I watched this documentary about the history of art and do you know what the problem is and why we are still stuck on specific beauty standards? Greece was Greece.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Mateo Lane]

Because there was so many different cultures of different beauty standards. But the Greeks invented a specific, not just style.

[Caller]

Right.

[Mateo Lane]

And so we're still. If you look at magazines, they were stuck on the ancient Greek ideal of beauty.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even though they weren't blonde and blue. You know what I mean? Like, it's because they're that white marble. It's like if you were to see

[Mateo Lane]

them, they weren't even white marble then. They were.

[Stavros Halkias]

They painted them. But I mean what we see is white marble.

[Mateo Lane]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, like what we. What. What has become. Which is so fascinating because actually the real stuff was garish over the top color that they loved.

[Mateo Lane]

But the proportions and like how they were, like the positioning and their body and the like the face, like it. That sort of is still stuck today.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Well, listen, you know, I get it as part of. I'm kind of. I do have that ideal Greek beauty. You can trace my lineage right back.

[Mateo Lane]

You're really handsome.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I appreciate.

[Mateo Lane]

You must know this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I appreciate that. I do think I. For. For what? From. I've said before, for my stats, I'm the best you could look if you have my. On paper weight, height, you know, all my stats. I'm crushing those stats for sure. But I think that's. This is an interesting philosophical question. And I think ultimately, yes, it's. I don't. Again, I'm not judging you for like the knee jerk reaction, but that's something you need to fight. That's the, that's the part of like human sort of like, that's. That's what our society was evolved to get past. And we're unfortunately going backward. I mean, that's pure, you know, Wester. This fake. Exactly. These fake make ancient Greek return memes. Like the racist with the marble PFPs and shit like that. The like profile pics. Oh, they'll have like marble, really? On Twitter. And like, like the like Western, which, you know, Western ideals, which are just white supremacists.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're seeing a lot of that right now. And I think that thinking is connected. I think we need to live in a society that's merit. Merit based. That you ugly people get as much of a shot at being your masseuse as anybody else. Ultimately, what they. Well, yeah, it's like what they're fighting for. To rub this shoulders. Who cares? But that's the, that's where it starts.

[Mateo Lane]

Saying it out loud that way puts it pretty plain for this guy. Like, hey, you do have a problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Or you're just trying to get jacked off.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's purely sexual. And he's a bisexual. And that's a different issue. Go ahead, Elvis.

[Elders]

I was gonna say, I think he should like, just pay attention to his own internal process, like during and after the massage tube. Because. Because even if they're hot, they could give you a shitty massage and you'll feel that in your body.

[Mateo Lane]

Totally.

[Elders]

And that alone should be like, okay. Maybe that initial reaction you have is like, nice, they're pretty hot when they walk in the room. Should be like, okay, they are hot. But that. No, I wish I had like someone busted who knew what they were doing.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. I actually think I'm opposite where I like. I do judge a hot person at anything.

[Mateo Lane]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where I'm like, like, are you really this smart, hot doctor? I've said this before. Hate to see a hot doctor. Pisses me off because, you know, they got some preferential treatment and they're at least a couple percentage points dumber than they think they are. Somebody who's really up looking, got no breaks.

[Mateo Lane]

But also the hot doctor is going to have a bit of a wall up because he's afraid that or she or they are going to be afraid that the person wants to them because they're a doctor and they're hot. So now they're getting even more.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe they're cold. Who knows. Yeah, but. But yeah, I think this is an interesting thing to bat around in your head and think about where these feelings are coming from. Why don't you play a quick one to take us out, Elder? Something fun.

[Elders]

Here's a response to Remember the Maria and Alex episode. The the gentleman from Manitoba with that goofy ass voice.

[Stavros Halkias]

I do remember him. Yes.

[Elders]

This is someone responding to them.

[Caller]

Hey, here's the fun one to go out on. I just got done with the. This is like a response.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. I don't like. Pause this. You're getting really sloppy with the ones to go out on. Ok?

[Elders]

What do you mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

This is just the guy telling you it's one to go out on.

[Elders]

Ok. I'm going to be fully transparent here. I originally intended to go out on the masseuse question, kind of a philosophical one, but this one, you know, got it in the vault.

[Stavros Halkias]

You've just blown it a couple times and this guy recently and this guy's saying it's the one to go out on.

[Elders]

That's not. They don't need to say that. I know which ones to do.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm just saying I don't like that you're letting the audience prompt you. But anyway, go ahead. This. This might work. I'm just letting. This is just a little warning shot to get on your game again.

[Elders]

All right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get some good quick ones to go out on that are funny. Go ahead.

[Caller]

It just got done with the. This is like a response plea. Even. I just got done with the episode with the like deep Canadian guy. Yes. Who has really deep Canadian boys. He was like slightly embarrassed about it. I was thinking it. The whole answer. It was buzzing in my brain the whole time you guys were answering and then stop. You said it yourself. Start streaming. I mean this. It's full sincerity. I'm not around. You seem funny. Like, like, not only do. There's a lot of success in streamers that have, like, that one eccentric thing about them or, like, unique personality trait or something. But like you said during the question, some sort of Canadian slang that. I can't remember what it was, but it was funny. I was like, I want to hear more of that. And I think a lot of people do. Especially if you're like the type who doesn't play video games too much, you should be playing, like, anime dating games. I think people would really, really laugh their ass with how you would respond to that. But in a, like you said, sincere, good way. It's got nothing to do with the tone of your voice. It's. It's the slang. It's these. I gotta hear it. Please do your thing. Let me know. Get out on the Internet so I can watch it.

[Stavros Halkias]

This guy wants to hear this guy talk. So for you, Mateo, it was a guy who had a very deep, I think he said, Manitoba accent.

[Caller]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, not deep voice. Just like this. Yeah, it was kind of crazy. It was an insane voice. It was cool, though. It was very distinct. And he called in, you know, asking for kind of like help. Marie really, really was being. Let's just say Marie and the guy who asked about the hot masseuse or how were being. Have a lot in common there. Marie was being very ableist, if you can call it that. And she. And we pressed her on and she stood firm. She was a speech pathologist. But. But this is another. This is another take. And I think he. What I. I actually do believe, like, there is some wholesomeness to the inner, like, as much as there is just garbage. There are some wholesome pockets. And I really could see this guy being kind of a wholesome fun streamer that people like seeing. That's my take. You heard it, buddy. That's another guy. We hope our. Our friend over in the Great White north is doing okay, but, yeah, somebody thinks he should stream. That's gonna do it for us. That's fun. That's good. Enough stuff. Mattel. You're streaming. People can see you.

[Mateo Lane]

Streaming? Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're on tour.

[Mateo Lane]

I'm on tour. Matalaincomedy.com when does this come out?

[Stavros Halkias]

A couple weeks, probably.

[Mateo Lane]

Okay. I'll probably be in Europe by then. Oh, by the way, we haven't announced it yet, but I am going to be going to perform in Athens for

[Stavros Halkias]

the first time in the fall.

[Mateo Lane]

So I'm gonna be there for. For three days. I'm pretty sure in September. We're going over.

[Stavros Halkias]

I might be there.

[Mateo Lane]

Are you serious?

[Stavros Halkias]

I might. I don't know. I haven't planned my September trip yet, but I might. Rose, I've already turned down actually, again, I've turned down a bunch of shit so that I can go to Greece this year. I just turned down a big money gig to be like, you know what? Fuck it, I'm going to Greece. So I will be there probably late August to early September.

[Mateo Lane]

And this would be mid September.

[Stavros Halkias]

You might, we might catch each other. That'd be so awesome.

[Mateo Lane]

That would be awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll try and do. We'll, we'll talk about it afterwards. But yeah, I, I'm planning on being there from late August to at some point in September. It just depends. So. Yeah, but I would love to make it work so we get all. We could hang out in Greece. That'd be so sick.

[Caller]

Sick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Ghosty Mateo, very funny. You got the podcast with Nick, who's also been on the pod. Check that out. And yeah, we're, we're, we're probably about to hit the bus right now. Check us out. And yeah, a lot going on. See you next week, guys. Bye. Bye. Hey everybody.

[Elders]

Ted Danson here to tell you about my podcast with my longtime friend and sometimes co host Woody Harrelson. It's called where everybody knows your name and we're back for another season. I'm so excited to be joined this

[Stavros Halkias]

season by friends like John Mulaney, David

[Elders]

Spade, Sarah Silverman, Ed Helms, and many more. You don't want to miss it. Listen to where everybody knows your name with me, Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson. Listen sometimes, wherever you get your podcasts,

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Caller]

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[Stavros Halkias]

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