Stavvy’s World #174 – Matteo Lane (March 30, 2026)

Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Matteo Lane
Main Theme: Comedy careers, acting gigs, showbiz in today’s world, queer experiences, cosmetic procedures, Broadway, dating advice, pop culture, and listener call-ins.

Episode Overview

In a warm, freewheeling discussion, Stavros welcomes comedian and frequent guest Matteo Lane. The two dive into the quirks of the entertainment business—from stand-up to acting roles to Broadway. They riff on body image and “typecasting” in showbiz, the comedy of cosmetic enhancements, queer experiences as performers, and the odd indignities of adulthood. The main part of the show is dedicated to listener call-ins, with the pair offering no-nonsense, funny, and often heartfelt advice on relationships, sex, self-image, and navigating societal stigmas.

1. Welcome and Catching Up (01:10-07:30)

Setting the Scene

• Matteo returns to Stav’s impromptu downtown studio.
• The pair reminisce about trying to coordinate each other’s podcast appearances, comedic auditions, and early acting gigs:
  • “Who gave Stavros his first acting role?” – Matteo, jokingly claiming credit. (02:31)
• Matteo and Stav swap stories about low-budget film projects: Stav played “Fat John” in "Call Girl of Cthulhu"; Matteo played “faggot” in an Amazon rom-com (his words, first three drafts!), before they named his character “Aaron.” Both reflect on how superficial and type-driven casting can be.

Insights and Humor

• Attitude toward acting vs. comedy:
  • They poke fun at how seriously actors take it, while as comedians they’re practical, just wanting not to “look like a fucking idiot.”
• Notable Quote:
  • Stavros: “Just tell me exactly what you want. I’m not interested in art.” (05:48)

2. The Showbiz Treadmill: Roles, Aging, and Broadway (07:30-16:00)

Transitioning Through Roles

• Typecasting and “ageing into” roles:
  • Stav notes how being “fat and bald” is actually a career advantage in his 40s: “No one wants a fat, bald ingénue... this is my prime!”
  • Matteo jokes about being relegated to “best friend of a white lady” in Hallmark movies, and devising his own character: “My name’s Deb, and I work at the Wawa. My daughter’s name is Deb too, and so’s our dog.”
• Matteo preparing for Broadway:
  • He’s doing workshops for “Chicago” as Billy Flynn, fitting in musical theater between his touring schedule.

Joys and Anxieties

• Both acknowledge that, for all the stress, performing with friends and a consistent crew is what makes long-term projects special.
• Notable Quote:
  • “It’s almost like a Super Saiyan gay... I would love to be singing a bit, back in vocal practice...” – Matteo (06:56)

3. Hair, Beards, Cosmetic Enhancements, and Identity (13:30-21:30)

Experiments with Appearance

• Hair transplants and beard plugs:
  • Matteo discusses hair restoration and beard plugs (“They put it all in... can connect it”), and invites Stav to try beard plugs.
• Barbershop culture:
  • Matteo describes Dominican-and-gay barbershop banter; Elders, the producer, shares trusting a tattooed Ukrainian barber before his wedding.
• This segues into musings on body image, dyeing beards, AI photo filters, and “becoming an old Greek man.”

Notable Quotes

• “Fat bald guy with a beard is a great look. The Santa Claus look.” – Stavros (21:10)
• “I’m AI-ing myself in life.” – Matteo (20:10)

4. Pop Culture, Witchcraft, Celebrity Facelifts, and Lindsay Lohan (09:45-15:28)

• The duo riff on Lindsay Lohan’s dramatic facial transformation:
  • “Her face looks... it’s a miracle. It’s literally insane.” – Stavros (10:00)
• Speculation about sorcery in Dubai, over-the-top cosmetic fixes, and classic Greek/Italian family dynamics.
• Anecdote about Dina Lohan, AI profile pics among Greek elders, and digital body enhancement trends.

5. Sex Tourism, Gay Travel, and Thailand Stories (21:44-25:19)

• Matteo recounts a trip to Thailand and Cambodia, including:
  • Comedic observations on non-sexual massages in a stereotypically sexualized destination.
  • Bamusing speculation: Is Thailand a gay sex tourism spot? “Thailand is gay.” (24:45)
• Food Glories and Tropical Beaches:
  • Chiang Mai, Bangkok, and exotically beautiful landscapes.
• Notable Moment:
  • Stavros: “I want a nice place by the beach... they’re gonna jack you off on the beach.” (24:17)

6. Musicals, Broadway, and Pop-Cultural Deep Dives (28:18-44:47)

Broadway and Movie Musicals

• Matteo’s upcoming role in “Chicago”; both discuss the difficulty and appeal of musicals for non-initiates.
• Stavros’ resistance to musicals, rooted in childhood snub for the role of Charlie Brown, and reflection on “jock” posturing.
• The “Wicked” plot is deconstructed, with hilarious confusion about the origins of Elphaba’s green skin, Munchkin-style apartheid, and opaque storylines:
  • “Who’s green? What’s the drink?” – Stavros, exasperated, (37:16)
  • “It does sound stupid as I say it out loud.” – Matteo (35:16)

Liza Minnelli/Judy Garland Lore

• Matteo, an authority on Broadway icons, delivers:
  • Bizarre, true tales of Garland family lineage (“Liza Minnelli: two generations gay”).
  • Notable line:
    • “My mom’s Liza Minnelli, but I...” becomes the running joke for the episode. (41:37)

Showbiz Generational Trauma

• Lament for the drill-sergeant showbiz childhoods (Judy, Liza, Michael Jackson).
• Discussion of inherited talent, pain, and eventual “talent weapon” outcomes.

7. Ariana Grande, Straight Musical Theater Guys, and Pop-Goss (44:04-47:42)

• Musings on Ariana Grande, her “on-set romance” with the only straight musical theater guy on a production:
  • “He won the ultimate prize.” – Stavros (45:39)
• Gendered “scumbag” double standards in celebrity relationships.

8. Comedy About Aging Musicals – “Grease” and Cast Ages (46:48-49:53)

• Riffing on the fact that “Grease” cast members were well into their 30s and 40s, playing high schoolers.

9. Listener Call-Ins & Advice (52:56–104:43)

Call #1: Trans Woman Seeking Men with Small Penises (52:56–59:21)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Post-surgery, her anatomy is tight, requiring smaller partners for comfortable sex.
• Advice:
  • Be upfront in online profiles, state requirements (“Five and under!”)
  • Flip the narrative: “If your dick is little, we’re scientifically engineering a new type of woman specifically for the little dick.” – Stavros (55:02)
• Notable Quotes:
  • Matteo: “Advertise it like the ‘learn to play guitar’ ads!” (55:06)

Call #2: Betrayed Dad After Cheating (59:34–71:26)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Wife of seven years, mother of his child, cheated for 8 months; he’s heartbroken, self-conscious about “begging her back.”
• Advice:
  • Validate that it’s not “bitch” behavior to want to fix his family.
  • Therapy/counseling is crucial.
  • Focus first on stability for the child, not immediate reconciliation.
  • Both Matteo & Stav stress: “Co-parent, build stability, and then try for repair if it’s right.”

Call #3: Hospice Nurse with OnlyFans—When to Tell Dates? (71:40–83:01)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Balancing a successful solo OnlyFans page with mainstream dating and societal stigma.
• Advice:
  • Be upfront (ideally around dates 2–4, when connection feels real).
  • Trust that “insecure straight guys” will be weeded out.
  • “Own it, don’t ask permission, don’t express shame.” – Matteo (82:28)
• Notable Moment:
  • Running gag: “My mom’s Liza Minnelli...I know good performance!”

Call #4: Girlfriend Talks Through Movies (85:11–96:45)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Girlfriend constantly talks during movie nights, ruining his enjoyment.
• Advice:
  • Establish “talkie vs. watch” movie nights.
  • Communicate (“It drives me crazy!”), don’t just stew.
  • Use favorite/serious movies for quiet; dumb, fun movies for chats.
• Notable Quotes:
  • “Stewing is never good.” – Matteo (93:19)
• Insight:
  • Discussion delves into Greek/Italian family TV chaos and the evolving ways we “watch” together.

Call #5: Eating Out a Partner with Herpes (97:31–104:38)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Loves oral sex, but his girlfriend has herpes; unsure about risk.
• Advice:
  • Talk to a real doctor—as comedians, their consensus is that antivirals and no outbreak = low risk, but caller should confirm with a doctor.
  • Open communication with his girlfriend about fears/insecurities is also suggested.

Call #6: Is it Wrong to Demand a Hot Masseuse? (104:43–114:38)

• Caller’s Issue:
  • Wonders if it’s “morally incorrect” to prefer only attractive masseuses (even male!).
• Advice:
  • It’s not “evil,” but it’s definitely vain and weird, especially if you only want hot people to do non-sexual jobs.
  • This “looksmaxxing” impulse connects to shallow, even reactionary societal standards.
  • “Most people aren’t hot! It’s just weird.” – Stavros (108:52)
  • “You gotta interrogate that feeling.” – Matteo (114:33)
• Fun Philosophical Riff:
  • Western/Greek ideals, AI faces, social media curation, and more.

10. Bonus: Wholesomeness vs. Ableism in Listener Community (115:58–118:40)

• Brief call responding to a previous episode: a listener roots for a guy with a “deep Canadian voice” to embrace streaming and lean into his quirks.
• Stavros commends the wholesome spirit sometimes found in corners of the internet.

11. End-of-Show Banter and Plugs (118:40–120:45)

• Matteo announces an upcoming show in Athens, Greece; Stav plans to visit Greece and may join.
• Plugs for shows, podcasts, and the hope for more in-person hangs.

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• “My mom’s Liza Minnelli, but I...” (41:37) – Used throughout, hilariously, as a title for random hypotheticals.
• Matteo, about beard plugs: “You could get my full beard connected...Four days and you’re done.” (20:35)
• On beauty standards: “Not everyone in life has to look like your explorer page.” – Matteo (110:36)
• “Advertise that you’re looking for the small dick. This is not a joke!” – Matteo (55:06)
• “We’re scientifically engineering a new type of woman specifically for the little dick.” – Stavros (55:02)
• “Stewing is never good.” – Matteo (93:19)

Key Takeaways

• On Acting & Showbiz:
  • Embrace your “type”—lean into what makes you unique, and find the joy in collaboration.
• On Sex & Dating:
  • Be explicit and honest about your needs—whether it’s sexual preferences, relationship traumas, or unconventional careers.
• On Self-Image:
  • Own your choices, whether it’s hair plugs, beard dye, or digital enhancements—but recognize the line where vanity, shame, and real connection meet.
• On Relationships:
  • Stuff that bugs you? Talk it out, don’t stew.
• On Judgment:
  • The world is not curated for your pleasure; a little humility and open-mindedness go a long way.

Timestamps for Quick Reference

• 01:10 – Welcome, acting roles, auditions.
• 07:30 – Typecasting, “aging into” showbiz, Broadway talk.
• 13:30 – Hair, beard plugs, barbershop anecdotes.
• 21:44 – Thailand travel, gay sex tourism chat.
• 28:18 – “Chicago,” musicals, childhood arts trauma.
• 35:16–38:12 – “Wicked” plot confusion.
• 41:37 – “My mom’s Liza Minnelli...”—running joke.
• 44:04 – Ariana Grande/straight musical theater discourse.
• 46:48 – Aging in “Grease.”
• 52:56 – Call-ins begin: trans woman + small penises.
• 59:34 – Cheating, reconciliation, therapy advice.
• 71:40 – OnlyFans nurse; dating, disclosure.
• 85:11 – Girlfriend won’t stop talking during movies.
• 97:31 – Herpes and oral sex quandary.
• 104:43 – Hot masseuses and the morality of hotness.
• 115:58 – Listener encouragement for quirky streamer.
• 118:40 – Closing banter, Athens plans, plugs.

The episode’s tone is friendly, irreverent, and honest—offering sharp comedic insights with a big heart. Whether it’s showbiz gossip or sincere life advice, Matteo and Stav deliver with charm and hilarity.