#179 - Bonnie McFarlane

Summary

Podcast Summary: Stavvy's World #179 – Bonnie McFarlane

Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Bonnie McFarlane
Date: May 4, 2026

---

Episode Overview

Comedian and author Bonnie McFarlane returns to “Stavvy’s World” for a deeply funny and thoughtful conversation with host Stavros Halkias. The pair reflect on Bonnie’s unusual rural upbringing, navigating relationships and comedy, and field listener calls for advice. They share candid insights on community, identity, growing up poor, creativity in stand-up, the complexities of modern relationships, and more—all in the show’s signature equal-parts-sincere-and-sarcastic tone.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Bonnie's Rural Canadian Upbringing

• [03:00–07:50] Bonnie recounts growing up poor in rural Northern Alberta, describing life without running water, wearing homemade clothes, and her family’s focus on self-sufficiency and character.
• Memorable Quote:
  “We were poor, like in the sticks…growing our own food. We didn't have running water for a long time.”
  (Bonnie, 07:40)
• Bonnie reflects on her parents’ choice to live without credit cards and off the grid, noting a distinct difference between types of poverty and the value of small communities.

2. Masculinity, Relationships, and Stand-up

• [09:11–10:59] Discussion of Bonnie’s relationship with her father and husband (comedian Rich Voss), highlighting her appreciation for masculinity shaped by her upbringing.
• Commentary on how growing up with a supportive father informed her positive view of men and shaped her path into comedy.
• Standout Moment:
  Bonnie recalls being easily impressed by male kindness and how it both informs her comedy and day-to-day life:
  “When men are nice to me, I'm so appreciative. I can't believe it.” (Bonnie, 01:58)
• [10:21–11:00] Humor in Bonnie’s account of Rich Voss’s confidence—“I'm an amazing comedian”—and her own trusting nature.

3. Poverty, Simplicity, and Modern Life

• [15:03–20:01] The pair consider the differences between rural and city living, and the lost art of enjoying simple routines.
• Bonnie describes the “therapeutic” nature of hands-on tasks, like gardening or home-cooking, contrasting it with today’s endless digital distractions.

4. Veganism and Killing Chickens

• [16:34–18:29] Bonnie’s journey to vegetarianism rooted in life on a farm, including her firsthand experience with slaughtering chickens as a child.
• Memorable Quote:
  “I always chose to kill the chickens… I didn’t like chickens.” (Bonnie, 16:34)
• The hosts discuss the disconnect between animal husbandry, food consumption, and modern urban attitudes toward eating meat.

5. Comedy, Consciousness, and Craft

• [20:01–27:16] In-depth exchange about the creative process in stand-up:
  • The “energy” between crowd and performer.
  • Letting go and trusting one’s subconscious on stage.
  • The parallels between comedy, spirituality, and the “collective consciousness” of an audience.
• Notable Quote:
  “That trauma leakage is what art is. You know what I mean? So just let it out.” (Bonnie, 25:12)

6. Family, Simplicity, and Escaping the Algorithm

• [31:05–33:47] The challenges and paradoxes of intentionally “small” living, and the balance between being self-reliant and feeling cut off from the larger world.
• Reflections on anxiety, the “purpose of existence,” and how modern information overload damages well-being.
• Stavros:
  “Being aware of what everyone in the world is doing is so clearly bad for you...” (33:14).

7. Internet, Community, and Alienation

• [39:21–56:25] Explores how online life alters human interaction:
  • Skepticism about the future and the isolating effects of social media
  • Longing for more community-based, in-person experiences
  • Stand-up comedy as one of the last real communal events where strangers gather and share ideas
  • The facade and futility of internet “togetherness” vs. in-person connection
• Quote:
  “Stand up is so important... the first thing that hasn't been attracting people [along party lines].” (Bonnie, 54:17)

---

Listener Calls & Advice

Call 1: Relationship Milestones & Pressure

[59:12–71:37]

• Caller: Woman in her early 20s feels anxious her boyfriend (who she met working at a restaurant) hasn't introduced her to his parents or said “I love you.”
• Advice:
  • Bonnie & Stavros agree these “markers” are less important than genuine connection, especially at a young age.
  • They warn against treating relationships as linear checklists.
  • Quote:
    “The minute you start thinking that, it’s like, over.” (Bonnie, 72:41)
• Encouragement to enjoy early relationships without undue expectation or pressure.

Call 2: Mean Younger Brother & Divorce Fallout

[74:12–88:56]

• Caller: 21-year-old woman’s 10-year-old brother is acting out following their parents’ acrimonious divorce, sometimes being rude/mean to her.
• Advice:
  • Bonnie notes this is classic acting out, especially during family instability.
  • The pair suggest: Don’t take the insults personally, don’t try to parent, just be available and keep the relationship open for when he matures.
  • Quote:
    “Don’t beef with a child, even though it’s your brother.” (Stavros, 87:04)

Call 3: Reforming an "Incel" Mindset

[93:17–113:53]

• Caller: Former incel, now married, struggles to interact naturally with female friends for fear of being seen as inappropriate.
• Advice:
  • You can form platonic, curious, supportive friendships with women.
  • Being “interested” in women (as people) is not cheating.
  • The key: treat women as equals, practice curiosity and thoughtful conversation—free from ulterior motives.
  • Quote:
    “It took me…to actually break the incel in my mind, I had to…separate those feelings [of friendship vs. attraction].” (Stavros, 104:34)

Call 4: Extravagant Gifts Too Soon?

[114:17–125:00]

• Caller: Woman’s new boyfriend (2 months in) gifts her a laptop and iPhone worth $3,000+, worries if it's a "provider kink" or a red flag.
• Advice:
  • Both agree this is an unusually large gift at this stage; caution about power dynamics and unspoken expectations.
  • If the gift becomes a tool in arguments, consider returning it—and the relationship.
  • Quote:
    “If he throws the laptop in your face, you give the laptop back and you get out of this person's life.” (Stavros, 123:24)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Bonnie on growing up rural:
  “No, we…did pretty well at the county fair a couple of times…if you don’t have a standout pig, you’re fucked.” (06:31)

• Stavros on Rich Voss:
  “Much better comedian than geopolitical analyst. We will say that about Rich Voss. Not even close.” (11:45)

• Bonnie on relationships:
  “If you work really hard at it, you’re gonna get him ready for the next girl. That’s the best you can hope for in this situation.” (70:20)

• On the future and tech:
  “No one’s pumped for the future…there’s no optimism. When I was growing up, I was like, we’re gonna have flying cars…” (39:21)

• On communal living and stand-up:
  “Stand up is so important…It’s the chance to hear something they don’t normally hear.” (54:17)

---

Timestamps for Major Segments

• 00:58 – 07:50 Bonnie’s upbringing and early childhood
• 09:11 – 13:26 Bonnie’s family, masculinity, and marriage to Rich Voss
• 16:34 – 18:29 Farm life, killing chickens, and turning vegan
• 20:01 – 27:16 Stand-up, subconscious creativity, and performing
• 31:05 – 33:47 Back to basics, parental choices and modern purpose
• 39:21 – 47:25 Technology, nostalgia for community, and societal change
• 54:17 – 56:25 Stand-up as communal experience and loneliness
• 59:12 – 71:37 Advice Call 1: Relationship milestones
• 74:12 – 88:56 Advice Call 2: Younger brother’s behavior
• 93:17 – 113:53 Advice Call 3: Reforming incel mindset
• 114:17 – 125:00 Advice Call 4: Extravagant gifts, new relationship

---

Tone & Style

The episode maintains a conversational, self-deprecating, and darkly humorous tone throughout. Bonnie’s dry, observational wit is a perfect match for Stavros’s playful, often absurd approach to serious topics. They tackle real concerns with warmth, frankness, and a healthy dose of sarcasm, making advice feel accessible—and always entertaining.

---

Episode Takeaways

• Cherish genuine human connection—whether in small communities, families, or comedy clubs—and resist the pull of relentless technological distraction.
• Community and simplicity are recurring themes; satisfaction and well-being come from doing, creating, and sharing with others.
• Trauma and pain can become art if you let your subconscious, not your ego, drive creativity.
• Romantic relationships aren’t checklists; relax, communicate, and don’t stress about "milestones."
• When navigating family or social drama, exercise empathy, don’t take kids’ insults personally, and prioritize open relationships.
• Male-female friendship is both possible and rewarding—be curious and treat everyone as a person first.
• Large gifts early in relationships may be more about the giver than you; trust your instincts and boundaries.

---

For more:
Follow Bonnie McFarlane on Instagram and check out her memoir (as plugged in the episode).
Catch Stavros Halkias’ latest comedy special and keep calling in to Stavvy’s World for advice!

---

Listen to the full episode on SiriusXM Podcasts+ or your favorite podcast app.

Transcript

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You're never just one thing. You're the boss. Hey Google, when's my next meeting? The athlete that class wrecks me and their mom. Everyone in the all new Mazda CX. Five more to move every side of you. Learn [e-mail] Google is a trademark of Google LLC. Sequences shortened and simulated.

[Elders]

Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start. Thumbtack knows homes, so you don't have to. Don't know the difference between matte paint, finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is. With Thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro. You just have to hire one. You can hire top rated pros, see price estimates and read reviews all on the app. Download today. Welcome Everybody to Stavley's World. 904-800. Stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems on the couch. Returning is Bonnie McFarlane. Beloved Fred, I think. Yeah, right there. Beloved friendly body. You did like maybe the fourth. You did such an early episode, I'm realizing, like in a story. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you didn't.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I didn't even saw a clip. I thought you didn't post it.

[Elders]

I think it was just. We didn't know what we were doing. Oh, when.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But don't worry, you did get a sandwich.

[Elders]

That's right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No, I said no. Eat before you go. You can't rely on that. But I fully expected.

[Elders]

Fuck. I feel so bad.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I saw you with the coffee. I was like. Then you drank out of it.

[Elders]

Damn. You know, you know, you know, and this is tough because this is just prejudice. I think being vegan is what killed you here. Because I considered just picking up some vegan. I consider. I know I'm a piece of.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

So thoughtful.

[Elders]

I know. That's when elders don't fucking boom me, you piece of shit.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No, the last time I did it, I was so hungry and you let me eat half of it before we started the. I was like, this is.

[Elders]

Are you hungry now, elders, can you get on Ubereats?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I ate on the way here. I said, okay, I've learned to not. That breaks my heart a very long time. You don't rely on, of course, own

[Elders]

kindness, even from your friends who are asking you to do a favor because. Because they have to bank a bunch of podcasts before. Before shooting a special.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But you know, I don't know if this is because of who my husband is or just because I'm like, you know, old and. But when men are nice to me, I, I'm so appreciative. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I have a joke if I act about it, but a guy put my, my suitcase in the overhead.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And I like, started weeping because they curled up in his lap. But it is true. I get so, like, I become. Because I just think like the way men are. I don't, I don't have a. It's like I always think, like, if I had a lot of testosterone, I'd probably be acting.

[Elders]

Right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

The same way. Like you're basically just reacting to whatever chemicals are going on in your body. So I understand they're looking for something that I'm not.

[Elders]

Right. Right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

So then when they do land on me and are nice. I, I wait.

[Elders]

What do you mean they're looking for something?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

What?

[Elders]

What do you mean they're looking for something that you are not. What do you mean they can't be nice to someone? I don't know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I always just think, like, my dad's an amazing human, by the way.

[Elders]

I shouldn't have because, like, I am, I am curious because everything about kind of your life says horrible father. No, I know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know.

[Elders]

A woman who gets into stand up comedy and marries Rich Voss. No disrespect, it seems like. Seems like her dad abandoned the family.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know it looks like it, but I've thought a lot about it and it's actually the opposite. It's like I don't have issues with men. My dad's nice, kind, funny, like masculine guy.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And so I don't. I just was like, I just.

[Elders]

You'd build up.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know this sounds crazy, but I just, I really like men. Based on how comedic.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, of course, of course.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

90% of the time it's just like a matching of the minds.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

When women are like, oh, he's hot. I, I don't even know what that is.

[Elders]

Interesting.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Like, you know, there's somebody who works at the stand all the time that women are constantly like, oh my God, he's so hot.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And, and I do. I. Can I physically see that if I was casting something where you need a hawkeye, but it's not. There's nothing really.

[Elders]

So you were always, wow, that's fascinating. So you're basically the type of woman is the reason standup comedy exists. It's like the fact that, like, someone could impress girls like you. It's like, oh, nice. I guess this is an art form and I'm going to dedicate my Life to it. Literally. The reason I did stand up, I mean, obviously I wanted to be funny, but it was like, so even growing up, when you get it, the only way I got attention was just, like, being fun.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right, right.

[Elders]

And it's like. And you just continue that. But that is interesting. So you never. You, like, what was the first. Did you. What was like, the first serious relationship year? What was that guy like? We're talking.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He's a bartender. Yeah. Canadian.

[Elders]

You also grew up, like, in a barn? Basically.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

It's kind of crazy. You guys should read Bonnie's memoir. Because. Because it is. Because we. We had met before. I read it, but I didn't know we weren't, like, good friends. But at that point anyway. But I was like, oh, let me just. I was also a comedy nerd. And I was like, what the fuck? You're like. You're like. You're literally living in a little house. I was like, is this a joke? I honestly, for a second was like, is this a bit. She's a meta narrative. Because you grew up, like. No. There's, like, no electricity.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No, listen to me. When people, like, when people from other cultures.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We were a poor.

[Elders]

I'm always like, no, truly, I feel like I can't say I was poor because of reading your book. And I grew up in Baltimore in the 90s, and I was like, I had it better than Bonnie.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We. We. It's a different kind of poor. We grew up poor. Like, like, in the sticks.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Growing our own food.

[Elders]

No, you literally started your life. You're a time traveler, basically. You're literally a time traveler.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I think it's amazing that people get like, I'm not a hick.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not at all. I would have. No, you would not expect it at all.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Very educated.

[Elders]

Right, right, right. Interesting.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's really. I. I thought a lot about this because my parents. Because it's hard to get out of being poor.

[Elders]

Yeah, for sure.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Especially in that famous thing where they're not, like, they're farmers and my mom's a teacher. Like, yeah, what's going on? They make a certain amount of money, and that's that.

[Elders]

And, you know, you're not going to randomly grow eight times a piece of corn isn't going to go viral and lead your corn sales through the roof. Your mom's not going to teach one dumb kid. You're not going to make one dumb kid a genius. And now she gets $1 million.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, yeah. No, we. We. We did pretty well at the county fair a couple of times.

[Elders]

And yeah, if you don't have a standout pig, you're fucked if your pig. It's so crazy that your life was affected by your livestock's performance at.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

The McFarlands had a great year when a donkey won.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, it is weird, cuz. Cuz you go. That's how, like, wow.

[Elders]

Can we have real. Can we have caramel? No. Can we. Can we have sugar? Mom,

[Bonnie McFarlane]

that is kind of.

[Elders]

On Christmas, everyone just gets a spoonful of. Of maple syrup. It's. Oh, man. It's not even my birthday, Mom.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But see, this is. This is where. Okay, this is where your poorness, of course, is projecting. We had all the food we wanted. There was no short. I mean, it was all homemade. Even the ketchup was homemade.

[Elders]

Wow.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Everything was homemade. But it was, like, in abundance. We had a lot.

[Elders]

Yeah. Okay, that's cool. I like that.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And what are we.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

The poorness was really just like. We had. My mom made a lot of our clothes.

[Elders]

Right? It was. It was.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We didn't have running water. That was the biggest thing.

[Elders]

I mean, that's it.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We didn't have running water.

[Elders]

I didn't even.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

For a long time. For a long time. Wow.

[Elders]

You have. You literally. You and eldest, who was an Albanian refugee.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Had this at a very similar first year of life because.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Because my parents were poor and they. Their house burned down before I was born. Then they had to live in a trailer for a while, while they were. And so it just took a long time to get it all, of course, going, and they would. My. My parents never had a credit card until probably the 90s.

[Elders]

Oh, that's awesome. You got to respect that, too, because it is like. I do. I guess on some level that is. I mean, that's. Is that their choice to live that way?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, because they're from. They're. I don't know. It's so weird. They're.

[Elders]

They both from. And what part of Canada are we talking about here?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We're talking northern Alberta.

[Elders]

Okay.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Which is another thing that, like, I mean, obviously people move there before there's electricity, but who moves to the coldest climate and goes, it's nine months of winter. We'll be all right.

[Elders]

We'll make it.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We'll make it. You got 10 toes. You'll be fine.

[Elders]

Irish. What the fuck?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Where did they come from? Damn Irish disguise.

[Elders]

Is this. Is this straight potato famine shit where they're like, we'll take you to the tundra?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

They did not care about Being poor, they cared about having character helping, you know, they were like those kind of.

[Elders]

That's like a salt of the earth. That's the kind of like media. You're like. You're like the kind of media like fucking John Wayne was raised on. It describes your father basically. Like he was reading books about guys like your dad.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Because my dad would. He was really good at like, you know, breaking horses and riding horses and stuff. And he would take us sometimes when we were little and put us in front his arms like this so we wouldn't fall and go round up cows. And it was the scariest thing because the horse would be sometimes like, you'd be like, it's parallel to the ground almost. It's like going at such a.

[Elders]

Going so fast because he's like trying to corral the cows.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He was just able to do it, you know, like, men are like that now. Like, I married Rich Voss. Like, he fixes everything.

[Elders]

If you want to haggle, like over fake silver jewelry, I'm sure if you would go to a pawn shop and want a diamond, a horseshoe, pinky ring, Rich could get you a great deal on it.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I always think, like, why it is weird. I did, you know, and it's not like I was like, I guess I'll get married Rich father. I was in.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I was like, yeah, yeah. I was like happy to be doing it.

[Elders]

Right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Excited. I wasn't like, well, now or never.

[Elders]

Clock's ticking. I guess you were head over heels, I always said.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But I think it's cuz he was so different from my family. Cuz also, there's no bragging. It's like modesty times a thousand in my family. Okay, so Rich told me on our first date that we ever went on, he goes, he goes, I'm an amazing comedian.

[Elders]

So. So basically you're just gullible. You're like, your family didn't raise you to like distrust men or double fact check people's statements. And you're like, oh, wow, I'm marrying the greatest comedian who's ever lived.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, I will say that he was really funny.

[Elders]

He's very.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I mean, of course, at the time, I did marry the funniest person at that time.

[Elders]

Voss is hysterical.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He's. And literally he'll say things that are. And also because you can say anything to him and it's not going to. There's no being offended.

[Elders]

That is actually in a real way, it's like. Because like, you know, Voss online is one of those where like, all right, I Can't look at this.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Because this isn't the guy I'm friends with. This is an insane wife.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He's not allowed to come and talk. Like there's certain words that. Because I can't do it for that long. Like he'll tell me things that happened that. Against his people. Okay. And then I really do try to get in a place of.

[Elders]

Well, let's just say I understand where

[Bonnie McFarlane]

he's coming from and all that, but I can only do it for so long.

[Elders]

Of course. Well, I will. Let's say. Much better comedian than geopolitical analysts. We will say that about Rich boss. Not even close.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I don't want to talk to a troll, but I think he's addicted to his identity.

[Elders]

Beautiful. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Bonnie, save it for actual therapy. Let's get back to you. Let's get back to you.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Believe in actual.

[Elders]

Okay, now it's starting to make sense.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

This. This kind of craziness that Rich Voss has that I've. Sometimes I want to fix. Okay. Then I go, no, that's. That's. He's built his whole life on this is what makes him funny and who he is.

[Elders]

So also, no disrespect, it's the clocks, the deadlines ticking on any. Making any changes.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Believe me, I've had to. I've had some come to Jesus moments on that. Wow.

[Elders]

Yeah. That is.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That is radical acceptance. Here we go.

[Elders]

It is really interesting to think about somebody growing up. Like, what we're talking about is like the pure. It's like you kind of are making your existence is kind of an argument. This is like what right wing manosphere guys are saying where it's like our beautiful farm girls are being tricked by drug using Jews in the big cities. Crack addict Jews are stealing. Are Scotch Irish farm girls. They're like, keep them in the farm. But I guess it's like.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But I do. But because I have that training. Like, I, you know, my daughter's now in college, so.

[Elders]

Yeah. Which is crazy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I literally. I went from doing everything all the time to doing nothing.

[Elders]

Oh.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I literally do nothing. I. We have like cleaners come in. I don't make anybody's dinner.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I just make mine.

[Elders]

Totally, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And Rich will sometimes get upset about it, you know, or whatever, but I always. When Rich is upset about the division of labor, I always go. Because he's. Because he's. He's basically getting upset by. He thinks that he's doing the same amount as me, but really I was doing so much more.

[Elders]

Right, right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You know what I'm saying?

[Caller 1]

Yes.

[Elders]

You were working three jobs.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And then two are gone, and now you have one job. He has one job, but it's like, hey, what the hell? You're working two less jobs. I'm working the same amount of jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand that.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But he thinks, like I always say, like, what if it was like, because if I make dinner, then I have to clean it up, too.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I go, what if I love it?

[Elders]

You're like, can I fix his fundamental problems? You can't even figure out dishes. You can't even figure out splitting dishes and cooking.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No, but it is true. He'll. He'll argue as hard.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

About not doing dishes as he will in favor. Favor of Netanyahu. He's like, yeah, that's his real passion, of course.

[Elders]

Just the. That actually makes someone addicted to arguing.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Genocide is like the most high, the most primo. It's like pure, uncut rage. And, like, you can really get in deep. And I'm sure, I bet you were seeing a lot of that for a lot of people right now.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That's what I think is happening for a lot of people. They already have the rage inside them, and now they have something. They can place it.

[Elders]

Yeah, it's kind of like the extension of, like, road rage was like, actual physical. Everyone is so isolated. And then when they finally interact, you see these violent outbursts because our society is so atomized, and you don't ever think of yourself in a community. And now it's like, we. We. I guess there it is, kind of like all this online trolling or just arguing is an extension of that. Everyone is even. It's even more than road rage. You don't even see the person in your car. You're just on your phone, on your fucking computer. But it's the same thing where it's like, let's up the stakes.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Let's go from a. Like, let's go from, like, you know, a fender bender to pulling a gun out on the highway. And now it's like, let's accuse these people of being rapists. And by the way, a lot of them actually are. That's kind of the. That's the hard part is when you're arguing with literal pedophile apologists and you're like, I mean, I don't know what to tell you, man. You're on the side of pure evil. But that's neither here nor there. Let's talk. Do you Ever get the desire to.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We went through a lot.

[Elders]

Do you ever get the desire. You ever get desire to like make a apple pie all day? Like it's bad. Like you're seven. You know, I do it.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Do some soups.

[Elders]

I love that.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah. You know, I mean, my family stopped speaking to me when I went vegan, but

[Elders]

yeah, I mean, there's no way to even get. When did you even conceptualize vegetarianism? Because.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, no, Very early.

[Elders]

Oh, really? This is because you're on a farmer. You're falling in love with the animals.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I was in charge of every. I don't know. Because I wanted my dad's approval, I guess I would always choose to kill the chickens. That would be. Also, I didn't like chickens.

[Elders]

Okay, me neither.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

So you have to cut the heads off chickens. So I would do that. And I remember like, sort of like dealing with some internal conflicts.

[Elders]

And this is. How old are you?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I'm probably between 8 and. And 15.

[Elders]

Is a fucking 8 year old getting a machete down on a chicken's neck.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's so eas. You, you get a, A wire coat hanger and you straighten it and then you put a. Like a hook on it. Like you're gonna get a car door open and then you go in and it'll grab one of the legs, right? So you go in like that and it get. The leg gets in and can't get out. And then you just throw it down on the block and in your other hand. So you throw it down.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And then your other hand you have this little ax. Boom.

[Elders]

Hell yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And sometimes you miss and you just get half their head. Oh, no. Things get ugly.

[Elders]

And chicken brains must be small as hell, huh?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And yeah, they're got to be so little. They're disgusting animals.

[Elders]

They're so.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I can't believe people eat them. It's.

[Elders]

Well, they're pretty tasty, but. Yeah, they are gross.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

They're full of like lice and grossness. Yeah. And they flap around and everything gets so.

[Elders]

But, so, so, but you. So then the first thing.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Okay, so then one time I said,

[Elders]

so you were grossed out by the chicken. Is that why you didn't.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No, that time I wasn't really gross out. It just was like thinking about things. And I remember at dinner, I don't even remember why I brought it up. I just said one time, and I was probably like 10 or 11. I said, I go, isn't it weird that we haven't evolved? By the way, I'm eating meat at this time.

[Elders]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I go, isn't it weird that we didn't evolve past eating meat?

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And it was like, I just told the whole family, evolution is not real. Yeah.

[Elders]

Read the Bible. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It was like, this is our lively. Wow. God.

[Elders]

So that really. Meat eating. Are you serious about them? Not. Not. They cut you off when you didn't eat.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But they. They do a little.

[Elders]

But they were pissed at you. You must have always been the weird one in the family, right? Does everybody else. Is everybody else still on the farm? What are they doing?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, they live in Canada. They're very. Like. My sister works. She's ahead of a charity and my sister is on the school board or whatever.

[Elders]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

They're. They're. They're very successful.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah. In.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And they still, like, they plant garden. They're very.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

My. They're always sending these pictures. It's so funny. They always send these pictures of like, they'll make like 80 jars of like, tomato something or a salsa. And, you know, send the pictures of all the jars neatly done. You're like, that took days.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah. But they got salsa for the year.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, but they do it all the time. Then the next weekend it'll be pickles. It'll be whatever. And, you know.

[Elders]

Yeah. There is something to just like, you

[Bonnie McFarlane]

guys looked at my stories

[Elders]

sometimes.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

New shoes.

[Elders]

I didn't make them at all. I could. If something happens to them, I'm fucked. But I. Sometimes I do think the happiest you are is when you're just kind of like filling your time up with existing.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And filling your time up with, like, just having. Doing everything you're doing the best way you can and not worrying about what comes next.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And like, you know, this consciousness podcast was talking about that the best thing, because they're saying consciousness is outside of your body, or at least that's a working theory that they have. And so you've got a. Your brain is actually just a. Like it. What do you call it? Like, it. Like a radio thing. Like it.

[Elders]

Just an antenna.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes. It just picks up.

[Elders]

It picks up consciousness.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It picks up conscious. The thoughts and the consciousness.

[Elders]

Oh, that's fantastic. So the best place from where. Where the. Is my consciousness.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's here. It's all over. It's all over. It's just that it's because, like. Have you ever done ayahuasca or anything?

[Elders]

No, I've done mushrooms, but nothing.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, they're saying, like, basically you're somewhere. You have a very small hole Opening for consciousness. Because you're. You can't handle it. You can't handle all the consciousness.

[Elders]

I love. I love.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You can't handle everything. You can only just see what you're.

[Elders]

Just a little bit.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Just a little.

[Elders]

Instead of having. You're talking about being essentially an omniscient narrator for the entirety of existence.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We.

[Elders]

We would. Our brains would explode if we had that ability.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Get all the information.

[Elders]

So they give us one pov.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But then when you take ayahuasca or mushrooms, it opens it a little bit more. So that's why there's.

[Elders]

It's poppers for your brain.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You can see ayahuasca or whatever because it's.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's not one place in time. It's everything.

[Elders]

Oh, it's everything that's ever happened.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Interesting. I don't think that is true at all. Or I don't really follow. It's fun to think about, but I just think we just have something in our brain, you know?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Don't you think when you're on stage. Because this is. The only reason I'm interested is just because I'm always like, for the craft with stand up. Yeah. I mean, the only reason I'm spiritual is because it. It mirrors stuff that you do on stage.

[Elders]

It's so funny now. I mean, you talk about how you're attracted to, like, people who are funny and like all you. You're thinking about spirituality because of stand up.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And I want to make fun of you, but I made the exact same way where it's like. Where it's like, I want to, but I'm like, I. It is pathetic. Sometimes I think, like, how much. And we're making fun of Rich for his being an identity, but it's like my identity is comedian.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Straight up. The more I think about it, the more. And I'm getting these. You know, it's like, what do I want to be? What do I want to do? And I'm like. Like, I really just wanted. I just. I'll do other shit. You put me in more Oscar movies. I'll be in more Oscar movies with fun people. But what I love and what I think about is stand up. And it is very funny because I've had that same thought about, like, not. I'm interested to hear your take about the, like, consciousness thing. But for me, it's more about stand up has opened me up to energy, like, because I do think sometimes, especially on this hour, which by now has been recorded. And we're very happy with all Went great. Everything. No problems whatsoever.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But records. Next day, somebody goes, hey, I thought of a tag where that show.

[Elders]

I'm so pissed.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, I will kill you.

[Elders]

It sucks, because also something has happened to me now where I'm done. Like, we went on this bus run and. Okay, in actuality, we'll be. We'll level with you, folks. This comes out right after the special, so it doesn't really matter. I were about to do the special, and I. I just went on a bus run. And the last day of the last bus run, I was like, I love the order. I love everything. Like, this is great. Or maybe like, there was three. The. The second to last show, I was like, locked in. This is exactly how I want to do it. Maybe up. You know, obviously you play with wording here or there, but I'm like, it's locked in. And the second I locked it in, and I was like, I'm committed to this. It was the most fun thing in the world. And it became fun again.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And I'm like, wait, I have to record this and never do it again after, like, it's. We've just. I've just started. Now I'm in a place of fun with it where it's like, I know it works. And now it's like, let's explore. Let's see. And I'm like, I know if I have even two more months, it would be better, but you can't. You'll drive yourself crazy constantly, you know? But, yeah, anyway, so I. I really have gotten onto that. Whereas I'm like. Like. Because, like, I. Some of the. The hours gotten so much better in the last two weeks. And it's not even about. It's really about how I say certain things or my facial expressions or how quickly coming off the end of another joke, I get into it, or the way I get into my setup.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

The setups in between everything.

[Elders]

And it's like. And it's just like. I'm like this. If I read these words, and this is me. It's not like we're. I'm giving somebody else do my actual. Just me. By degrees. This much.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Has made the hours so much better. And I'm like. And that's a. That's a thousand people. It's like. I'm like, kind of pushing one person's button. A collective crowd has some kind of identity, which is bizarre. All that can be is energy. And I'm like that. So anyway, that's because the energy of

[Bonnie McFarlane]

you going, ah, yeah, got it. That projects to them somehow.

[Elders]

And it just. It just has opened me up to like being like. To thinking many things that we don't. That we think are inconsequential matter so, so much and we have no idea about what actually matters.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That's why I think like, don't. I mean, I have a joke about in my act, but it's like, don't talk about your trauma so much because that trauma leakage is what art is. You know what I mean? So just let it, let it out. Yeah, I really try to let my subconscious. Because you're subconscious. Like if you. You ever write a joke and you use the word cabbage for no fucking reason, do you know what I mean? Or whatever. And it gets a huge laugh. And then later you think about it and you go, why am I saying that? Let me put it. Put something in that actually makes sense some way. And then it never gets the laugh. Because your subconscious knows what it's doing at times, you know?

[Elders]

So, yeah, subconscious is a whole other thing that I think. I really.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

This is what I think happens on stage when you're doing crowd work. Like, I'm as interested to find out what's going to come out as anyone. Like, I don't know what's happening. I'm not sitting there thinking, like, I'm going to talk to this person. I'm going to ask him what his job is. He's going to tell me construction. And then I have these three jokes that I'm going to say about construction. I have no idea what's gonna happen. And I don't. I'm not scared of it. And I don't care if it works or not exactly. So then it's like easy to just go in there and just let this thing do its job. Does that. Yeah, yeah, I know. I sound like I'm so crazy.

[Elders]

No, I actually know what you mean on this. Where I think in particular, because I'm the same way with crowd work. It's like sometimes just doesn't work. But that's not. I'm not looking to kill. I'm looking to have an interesting interaction with someone. And if you're. And there's something. There's something interesting from a performance standpoint for the audience, I think. Or just again energetically where it's like we are all. Because the fun of standup usually is. Or a joke is just you trick. It's basically a trick. People think it's going one way, it goes another way. We're all now eligible to be tricked or delighted or Surprised even me. It does become, even the performer. When I say me, it does become like a collective thing where now we're all waiting to see what happens.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And that's kind of fun. And maybe that's, maybe that's a little bit of the secret to the fucking. Why a bunch of my bullshit crowd work stuff was going viral the, you know, two or three years ago because it was, that was the energy for me was like, let's see what the. Yeah, with this lunatic, you know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But online I do see a certain thing that works and it's like now I'm gonna get. Am I too crazy?

[Elders]

No, it's all good. Go crazy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I could see like, I can tell

[Elders]

they're send subliminal messages through their crowd work list. They're telling me to assassinate Benjamin Netanyahu.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I'm gonna go with Rich to Israel.

[Elders]

I'm.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I'm what they call the honey pot or whatever.

[Elders]

I don't know if you're going to beat Israel at the honey pot game. They got, they got that boy Cash Patel in a blender right now.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

God drunk as understand what's happen.

[Elders]

His M.O. issued girlfriend and they can't find him anywhere. Anyway, whatever. Aura frame is the perfect Mother's Day gift to capture the chaos you put her through and the memories that came with it. Make a meaningful impression with a gift that feels personal from the very first second. You can put photos in there before the frame even ships. They can come preloaded so it arrives with these beautiful memories. And you could throw a custom message in there too for an extra special unboxing moment. Thoughtful, ready to enjoy and uniquely tailored. It's a gift that instantly feels one of a kind. You know, growing up, it was very chaotic in my home. Me and my brothers wouldn't know how to act. We got around a camera. We were doing silly stuff. We were, you know, summertime. We're, you know, putting hot dogs in our mouths and doing cannonballs. Can you imagine? That's just a little taste of the, the crazy type of stuff. Chaos on our mother's aura frame right now, named number one by Wirecutter. You can save on the gifts moms love by visiting auraframes.com for a limited time. Listeners can get 25 off their best selling Carver mat frame with code STAVI. That's a U R A frames.com promo code STAVI. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. This episode is brought to you by Visible. Ah, spring is in the air. You know what I mean? The birds are chirping. We're wearing tank tops again. We got the shorts out. We got the thighs out. It's time for some spring cleaning. We're cleaning that out that garage and finally tossing those mystery cords. But while you're clearing out that junk drawer, take a look at your wireless bill. You're gonna find junk of all sorts of. Don't fall for the wireless traps. Tacked on fees, confusing bills and empty promises. Join Visible and cut out the nonsense. With Visible, you get unlimited 5G data and hotspot on Verizon's network for one flat cost, just 25 bucks a month, taxes and fees included. It's everything you need and nothing you don't. Plus, for a limited time, new members can get the Visible plan for just $20 a month for one year using code Fresh Start. Refresh your wireless bill with Visible. Clean up that wireless bill, man. It's spring. Clean that baby. Switch [e-mail] terms apply. Limited, limited time offer subject to change. See visible.com for plan features and network management details. What's the insane thing you were gonna say now?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I don't remember.

[Elders]

Oh, that's okay.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I don't remember what we're talking about.

[Elders]

But it's interesting, though, because what you're talking about is you kind of have. It almost feels like. Almost like benevolent rebellion where it doesn't seem like you were. Were you like a. You mom and dad kid when you left, or were you just like, you know what? I want to go to a city?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No. Yes. I was definitely like, I wasn't like you mom and dad, but I did spend a lot of time. They were angry at me a lot.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Because they didn't understand you probably bringing up. Up, like, why did you guys choose this? Like, I didn't understand. Like, I love my parents. I really do, and I always have. They're very. They're lovely, lovely people.

[Elders]

But they were born there, right? Or. No.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No. Well, they. They were born into this kind of life, but they moved from Saskatchewan to

[Elders]

Alberta, and Saskatchewan was like the happening metropolis. Well, people, that's the one that you wish you grew up in.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

That's crazy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

They. Because Saskatchewan was like a farming. It was southern Saskatchewan, little warmer, and it was farming community.

[Elders]

We moved to, like, the Miami of Canada. Saskatchewan.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes. Yes.

[Elders]

It gets up to zero.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

It gets up to zero here. I'm in my short sleeves.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes. I don't know. They like hard things. They're. I guess they. They feel good about, like, we and I wrote. I wrote about this in my book. Of course they would play the. We play board games after a long day of work. And a lot of times we had a lot of board games to choose from. But a lot of times whoever was in charge of choosing the board game would choose the game farm. Okay.

[Elders]

So you're literally farming all day.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I would be like, what, guys? What are we doing? And they'd be like, do you want to sell your pigs or not?

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Roll, roll.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And it's like, I just had this. I always think of, like, I have, like, an irony detector or something. And then, like, I would bring stuff up.

[Elders]

That is funny. Yeah. Y. To be like, you don't understand. This is objectively funny. That we just milked Cows for fucking 12 hours, and now we're rolling a dice to see how many cows we milked, how many fake cows we milked. Yeah. But they were just there. But again, I guess it's like, that is how most people lived for.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I think they like to make their world small. Then it feels safer.

[Elders]

Right, Exactly.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You know those things. And you're very like, also, it's safer. But it's also, well, we're doing it with comedy.

[Elders]

I envy that. There is something to that where I'm like, wait, that is just how you should live.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

Cause even the. And maybe it's a cop out for how much we see where. It's like, being aware of what everyone in the world is doing is so clearly bad for you. And it's like, what is. And then you get into these existential questions of what is the purpose of existence?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And it's like, is it just to have a. To just raise? Because on some level, you could say that exactly how your parents lived or chose to live. Because it sounds like it was a conscious decision almost to go back to kind of turn the clocks back and

[Bonnie McFarlane]

be like, to be.

[Elders]

We don't appreciate how society is going.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But my dad would have. My dad was the primary engine for that. He wanted to live off the grid. He didn't want government taking his gun.

[Elders]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I mean, you know, like.

[Elders]

And you see, you understand that because you're just like. Especially, you know, even as somebody who I think I would probably like to do a simpler version of a more communal style of living, like, I like, but. But I'd like to go back to something more, you know, kind of more simple. But it's like, you get what. You get where that's coming from. Because your dad, like you said, you Report. But you had food, you did every. Everything you needed to do, you could do without, you know, without.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And you had to learn this lesson of, well, you just had to like, there was no trying harder than you'd normally try because the weather was just going to be what the weather was. Do you know what I mean? So you just had to be like, well, if it doesn't freeze early, we'll be able to go on vacation. You know what I mean? Or whatever.

[Elders]

There's no ifs, there's just what is.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

There is no working in theoreticals. There's just. We have to get these things done.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And I think that's a freeing thing. There is. There's the argument that we just have having anxiety is fake, you know, because it's like we never should be in a position to think for longer than, you know, an hour. Because most of humanity, people don't like.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And that's why they get anxiety too. Like, you know, I was thinking about it the other day, like, you just never see anyone sitting around thinking you never see it.

[Elders]

Like.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And I was thinking like, it's kind of funny because if you did see, you'd be like, wow, that's amazing. Look at that person just sitting there. Yes, but in the olden days, people would be like, get up and do something.

[Elders]

The way now watching a movie feels like being, oh, I'm off my phone.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

I watched a bigger screen.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Like you could just sit there and do nothing. And people like, wow.

[Elders]

But that's true.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

People sit on planes now and they raw dog it.

[Elders]

Raw dog the raw dog. I don't appreciate that. I. The. I love a plane. Cuz it's. It feels like the one place you're allowed to turn your.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes, that's what. I just scroll the whole time.

[Elders]

I scroll, play. I love getting stupid mini games like a, like playing, you know, plants versus zombies or like some kind of game.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Water sort.

[Elders]

Water sort. Okay, I'll check it out. But I. But yeah, I don't know. There is sometimes I do think. I think my ver. Like my fake idealized version of simple stuff is like beachside, right? Like, you know, island, Greek island. Like just fucking fishing. You know what I mean? But I know I. What I'm imagining is basically a vacation. It's not when you actually have to live that way. It sounds horrible, right?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Okay. But my dad loved it. Like his passion was getting up, being with animals. Like, you know, tasting the dirt to see what the acidity was or whatever

[Elders]

the fuck he did, you know, What

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I mean, it was like he just, he really loved it. So it wasn't really work to him in that way. It was being like, people will pay. You know, in my town, my, my friend sent her daughter to this thing where you pay to go work on a farm. I was like, I gotta tell my parents.

[Elders]

Your parents will be like, are you,

[Bonnie McFarlane]

are you kidding me? But it's like because, because we do actually like crave that. It's like you said before, when you're just doing something sort of like with your hands and your brain's going like even just walking your dog in the woods.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's like, it's, it's so therapeutic.

[Elders]

But even my version of like I kind of. There was like a period of the pandemic that I liked because you kind of had once you could go outside again and you could shop again.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

It became, it became like fill up your days with meaning instead of going crazy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And I, I. There was like a six month period where I lived like a housewife from the 40s where I went to. I, I went to the butcher, I went to the fresh produce market. I, I cleaned out ever. I woke up every morning. I clean actually. Do you know what I mean? And I planned out my stuff and I worked like. And I was just like I. Even though shopping for the day took me three hours because I went to the. I walked across the entire neighborhood. I could have gone to a supermarket. I could have ordered if we're being honest. But it was like I, that that's as close as I'll ever get to farming is going to three different stores for going to the farmers. Going to two different farmers markets to me counts is farming as working the earth as opposed to just being like 40 chicken wings, you know, like, like it's to me those that felt like me reconnecting. So I guess it's all relative if you're a.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But I do think it's like something totally.

[Elders]

Whatever your version of it is. I think everybody want to kind, kind of wants to go to turn it back a little bit. I think we're at the first point in society in hit in like. Well, I don't know. This is what's podcasting for than making completely insane claims you haven't even thought about for one second. You're just on a roll in your living room.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You know what I think of a podcast about this? Yeah.

[Elders]

But I think we're at the first. And maybe this is not true because there were probably people who were scared of the Future, but at least for me. And maybe this is just getting old. I don't know. It does feel like the future is scary. Or when people think of the future, kind of across the board. No one's that pumped. Like, there's not like the. There's no optimism. There's no like, Like. Like when I was growing up, I was like, we're gonna have fucking flying cars and computers that. And we can.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We'll have a base on the moon.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah. And now it's like. And now it's like, oh, actually, you never even have to have conscious thought. You can just ask, yes, your phone will tell you you're handsome and a genius and it will order your food for you. And it'll take. It'll take that pesky problem of thought of, you want to talk about consciousness now people are surrendering their consciousness to

[Bonnie McFarlane]

a shitty one thing. They.

[Elders]

It's not even working. It's not even working. It doesn't do anything anyway. So it's like. I do feel like there is a huge across the board, no matter who. What type of person you are. Because I feel like I want to become a Luddite. And I'm. I've lived in a city my whole. I've lived in Baltimore and I moved to New York and even when I could have left and gone anywhere, like last year, I was like, no, it. I'm staying in your cause. I love. Because I thought about any place I could. I wanted to live in America, back home, Austin, la, wherever the. And I was like, no, know it's expensive, but I love it. I love being around this many people. But even me, somebody who objectively would die if the. If the grid collapses. I'm not farming. I'm not doing anything even. I want to be like, I need to go be in the nature for like, we should. I should have to earn something. Like, I should have to at least cook my meal. I should at least have to go buy it. You know what I mean? Even if I'm not and you know, farming or whatever. But I don't know, I do think

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I. I mean, this is crazy because I'm a vegan, but I think, like, if. I think people should have to go kill their own food every once in

[Elders]

a while, I agree.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I just think, like, you need that connection of what you're doing because, like the chicken wings thing, I think about this. It's like people will order a plate of chicken wings and eat four of them. And I'm like, that's 15 chickens, right? There. That you just killed for what? So you could just have the smell. Many.

[Elders]

Between me and Elders, there have been. There have been evenings where 80 chickens have died.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Perished.

[Elders]

To feed our. To feed.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Me and my friends thinking about it, and I'm not saying don't. I'm not telling anyone to eat meat or not eat meat. That's not my thing. I'm just saying, like, just think about it once in a while. Like, this is. This was a living thing. Like, at least have appreciation that that's giving your brain some juice that it needs to go out in the world and do some good or something.

[Elders]

Of course. Yeah. Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I don't know.

[Elders]

To do some good.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know. Even though.

[Elders]

Yeah. I. It is an astounding number of. I think that's why I think. And you know what's funny, though? I looked into this. I think even worse than that is chicken feet. Because in Ch. China crushes chicken feet. And I think that's part of. I was reading something again this. We're just doing classic podcasting where it's like. I think I remember this. Where it's like, even part of why chicken wings are viable is because there's so much waste from chicken feet that they kind of go hand in hand where it's like, Chinese people love chicken feet the way we crush wings.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Wow.

[Elders]

And. And what do we got there? Producer, elders, anything. God forbid. You know how to Google you piece of.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It is so weird when you're like, what is the most common food? It's chicken feet.

[Elders]

Yeah. It's just not that. Yeah, we. America is not driving that. That.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I mean, they still eat dog meat in certain.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember. It's. It's crazy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But I don't see. I don't see, like, people won't eat dog because they have a. They have a dog in their house or in their life and they go,

[Elders]

oh, it was delicious. I would eat dog. I don't care.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, people always say that. They go, I can't stop eating meat. It's so good. I'm like, what if baby tasted that good, would you eat it? Probably a lot of people apparently.

[Elders]

I mean, our society is run by people who would. Babies is. It is eat that much. Like truly when you start babies is.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That's crazy.

[Elders]

Much different. It's f. The. I mean, and we are just ruled by them, and there's nothing we can do about it. Like, still right now, they're just not releasing the full Epstein file.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I think I don't get why any of it Got released at all. If the elites are in charge, why would they let it go to this level even? Because they're trying to. What the fuck are they covering up? I think they're using like we're all pedophiles as the distraction.

[Elders]

I know sometimes I'm like. Because there's also. You'll just see online where it's like another scientist has been killed. Again, I don't know if that's true or not.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know.

[Elders]

I don't do any research. I've done no research.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

These are all actors. I guess they are.

[Elders]

But how funny would it be if. Yeah. If Trump was like a. A martyr who had to pretend to be a pedophile to save us from an alien invasion or something? Like, what if they're. Because they keep talking about people who've made connections to aliens, keep getting killed. So what if they are just hiding some crazy shit? But I just think, think it's not that. If they could. If they could hide all of it, they would. I just think there is some still semblance of. I don't like there's this much journalism and this much investigation and this Savannah

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Guthrie can't tell us what happened to her mom.

[Elders]

That's true.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I mean, I. I've been making a joke about it, but it's like, why is she allowed to still be a journalist?

[Elders]

Yeah, that is true.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I'd be that immediate family.

[Elders]

If you went to a chef's house, they made you a shitty peanut butter and jelly. You'd be like, I'm not coming to your restaurant. Come on, even figure this out.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No, I think it's. I think. I don't think they do any journalism anymore. And the minute that you get close to something, they shut you down. You go on Instagram, you go, I could be unalived.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I. I think it's fascinating too that they say unalived. They're not scared of telling secrets, but they're scared of the algorithm.

[Elders]

Yeah, the traffic.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Not I'll get killed by the government, but if the algorithm.

[Elders]

I can't get a dip in my fucking ad revenue. At the end of the day, I. Look, I'll die for this, but I'm not. I will not have a hit in my traffic. Yes, I sold a lot of ads this month. Yeah, that. I mean, I do really resent how they basically have tricked us all into just censoring ourselves. And that's another problem with putting all depending on the Internet. And I'm trying to figure out. I mean, that's why live performance is still the best. And I do, I want to do certain stuff that never goes online. I think I do want to do.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I think like putting your phone in a bag and doing stand up is the best.

[Elders]

The bag is nice.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's not even just to not be recorded. It's just now, you know you can't look at your phone.

[Elders]

Yeah. Like now there is definitely a different energy to those bagged shows. Yeah, I will say. But yeah, I don't know. It's it the like.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And I love using the N word.

[Elders]

Yeah. When it's bagged up, Bonnie lets it fly.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Hear that? There's bags.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Boom.

[Elders]

Of course, to do your closer. To do your two, your Fox nation. Your Fox Nation, your stand up special.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Gutfeld.

[Elders]

Gutfeld. What? Yeah, what? Rob, Our boy, the animal. Rob.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, Rob.

[Elders]

Rob Schneider.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Rob Schneider.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, they're putting a pretty big hit even from the right.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

They were like, he's not. No, we don't think he's funny either.

[Elders]

Wow. Dude, that's tough.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know.

[Elders]

Watching Gutfeld's awesome. Cuz it's like you're basically like everyone here is just pretending this is funny. Everyone involved is like, like, we all know this sucks. But old because I met. I met my first ever true Gutfeld listener. And it made so much sense who these people are.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Okay.

[Elders]

Who else? Because so I was so this, this Christmas I went on like, I was like, I was. I had like a real. You know, I've been struggling with my health for my whole life, basically, like, and I had gotten. I was very stressed out. The fall was much more stressful than I thought it was going to be. I wanted to lose a bunch of weight. I wanted to get way healthier this fall. And I just had too much going on. And so I was like, all right, for the holidays I'm going to this like health retreat. I'm just gonna, you know, I'll see my family before. But the holidays always me up. I always get too high. I eat like. So Christmas through New Year's I'm going to like this fancy, like, health retreat in Arizona. Right? And it was nice.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Sedona.

[Elders]

It was like. It was. No, I don't remember. It was like in Tucson. But it was nice and it was exactly what I needed. And it was like very meditative. You want to talk about no phone. I was going on these long walk, silent. I didn't. It wasn't silent, but it was like I just put my phone away. I journal. I was met. I Got into meditate. I had a great time. But you think about who the other people at a, you know, holiday health retreat are. Yeah. And it's mostly because this was like one of those. It's mostly old people who, like, kind of are retired and kind of live there now. Right. Oh, so you would get like. You get like old people and then like, their young relatives.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Cheaper than a.

[Elders]

Well, that is so rich. I know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But, you know, like, all the, like, they take cruises for the rest of their life because it's cheaper than folks.

[Elders]

This is basically a cruise for them. A cruise on land. Right. Where it's like the. The things dry. And I had a great time. It was like. It was like camp, but you could do whatever you wanted whenever. It's like as a little kid, when you're like, I'll go to the swimming pool and then I'll get lunch, I'll give a snack and then I'll go, you know, whatever.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

What was the food like?

[Elders]

It was great. It was healthy and good. So that's kind of. Their whole thing is like it's a vacation. But you actually can.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I love a chef that just did that for you.

[Elders]

It was.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, like, like, like making you Gwyneth Paltrow style food every day.

[Elders]

That's. That is the. That truly is the. Like, I gotta get to that level.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

I gotta get to like, the. I gotta have somebody just cook me healthy. But. And most of it was like, old ass. And like, their family would come and visit. Or you would get the occasional, like, old guy and an obvious sugar baby. Like. You know what I mean? Like, you get.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

You get some of that. But that was. Or you would get. The only other single people were like, newly divorced, like, you know, women who, like girl bosses who were trying to get their life back together, who were trying to lean in and have it all. And it went bad. And now they're trying to put the pieces together. But anyway, good for them. Met some great people. Whatever. And there was one old guy who was so fucking annoying, and he wouldn't shut the fuck up. And he's like. And he's like, oh. Oh, you look like. He told some black guy that he looks like Titus.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, God.

[Elders]

And I was like, who? And he was like, yeah, Titus from the Gutfeld program. And then he starts talking about how much he loves Gutfeld.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I don't even know who the Titus was. I just knew it was racist.

[Elders]

Professional wrestler, I think, or whatever. Yeah, some guy on there. I don't. I don't. I Think he's a Fox News personality. Anyway, this guy, over the course of this discussion, made it very clear he was a really big Gutfeld fan. But also he had.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That is kind of an odd.

[Elders]

He's like. He's an 80 year old, like, super good. And then I'm like, who the fuck? And he was so annoying and fucking, you know, and like insulting people, telling me, you know, tell me to get a haircut and lose some weight. I barely know this guy. I'm literally in a waiting room with this guy and he's like sexually harassing the way the nurses. He's fucking telling me, you know, telling me. I'm too literally making a comment on everyone talking about how, you know, what a good time he had serving in the Navy. And it's like, you know, 60 years ago. And then. And I'm like, this guy's fucking annoying. And then he starts talking about, you know, he's talking to the one nurse who's like humoring him and he's like, you know, you know why we're here. You know, we begged our children to come visit us for Christmas, but another Christmas, they wouldn't come. Then we said, well, why don't we take you guys on vacation? We'll pay for a vacation. We'll do whatever. And then he was like. And then it was like, well, so nobody wanted to spend time with us, so we just figured we'd spend Christmas here. And it was like, so Gutfeld fans, what Gutfeld is, is basically just like daycare programming.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, my God.

[Elders]

The abandoned elder for the elderly that are so conservative, they've turned off their entire family. And it's like all they have is. And it's just.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

They got this family now.

[Elders]

It's just noise. That guy doesn't have a sense of humor. And it's like that whole show is like. Like, let's pretend. Let's do all the signifiers of late night TV and let's say highest watch show. But it's like the people watching it are sundowning. There's not a single person who watches it. And. And they're. And they only go to be like, we went to F. They go to own the libs. It's all like. Everything is participatory. There's no doing culture because you enjoy it. It used to be even conservative people would watch a gay show or something. Or they'd watch like, no, no. It's become, they love Liberace or whatever. You know what I mean? It's like, wow, you know what? It doesn matter. This shit's boring. Nobody really gives a About us talking about.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know. It's like I'm the least informed person on the planet.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

By the way, I. I feel like I flex with people. Like, when I don't know stuff, I feel like I don't know.

[Elders]

I don't know that.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I don't know about that. I haven't been on my phone. Okay.

[Elders]

I don't care at all, actually.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I've been reading books.

[Elders]

I just think it's baseline bad when we're clearly doing. Where we clearly don't even. Where we barely adhere to the constitution, which I don't even give a fuck about. That's the other thing. You're making me care about the fucking constitution.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know. I don't think you bring up stupid shit.

[Elders]

I don't fucking care. But it's like, anyway, and it was

[Bonnie McFarlane]

actually, why don't we just do what we want? Like, why don't we just do what we want?

[Elders]

What do you mean by that?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Like, why doesn't everyone just do what they want? I don't care.

[Elders]

You mean anarchy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes. Like, I'm amazed even in driving that people. I would say almost everyone is. There's a couple that drive on the shoulder, but look at how many people, even assholes, even jerks, they're. They're not driving on the sidewalk. Yeah.

[Elders]

I mean, I just think I, I there.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I think you're just doing what society tells you to do all the time. Why, if we all just started driving where we wanted, they wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I'm not saying it's a good. I'm not saying it's a good system, but I'm just saying, like, it's so weird. We're. We're.

[Elders]

Well, that.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I think we're in a thing where we could just do whatever we want.

[Elders]

But that's. I think a pot. Yeah. I mean, that's a positive. It's like you could go into a grocery store and just. You know what I mean? Like, go in there, be like. You just like, take. Yeah, yeah, sure.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I only have empty bags when I. Yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

I like a little snack from the hot bar. Yeah. But there's something nice about that where it's like, I do think humans have the ability to actually be communal.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And that's truly the actual solution is, like, just like, everyone is just so. We've been isolated by, you know, the, like. Nobody wants you to be in a actual livable community. There's no Public transit. There's no actual cities in America. There's no communal spaces. American culture basically tells you you got to leave your family the second you turn 18.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

It's a cult. It's a culture that over the last 30 years, has been completely atomized and made us all feel like, you know, know, single people who's. You'd have no empathy for somebody that's different than you.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

And it's like. But when you put people together.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes, it works.

[Elders]

People like being around each other. People like, you know, communal, caring about their. Their neighbors.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I think stand if it's so important. I know this sounds absolutely bad, but because people don't go to movies really anymore. It's like movies are being made for very specific audiences.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah. True, true. That's.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But stand up a lot of times, like, if you like, you're just like. If you're performing at the stand, you're the first thing that hasn't. That they haven't attracted.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Do you know what I mean? Like, your ideas are. It's like a chance to hear something they don't normally.

[Elders]

And it's in person and it's completely.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's with other people who are laughing and responding, and they're like. I just think it's not. It used to happen a lot more often where people would get together and exchange ideas and laugh, and now it's very segregated in a way.

[Elders]

I know. And it even just like. Yeah, that. That is true. We've backed into kind of being. Even making comedy movies again. It's like, I. I think that's a fun collective experience where it's like going into a fucking theater and, like, action and, like, laughing with other people, there's.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

There's something that, like, even when I'm. If I look at a comment, like, you know, that was watching this cooking thing, and this girl, she went to put oil in, and she had a bowl of oil, and she put it in and a. And I just was like, it's gotta be bowl of oil comments. And they're all bowl of oil comments. And it made me feel good. It's like, oh, humanity. We're all together on this.

[Elders]

Do you know what I mean? Like, we all notice the bowl of oil.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We all notice a bowl of oil. And I was like, I felt connected.

[Elders]

You know, I feel no connection on. With comments or like, that, to me, doesn't feel like being with people.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Sometimes I read a comment that's so funny, and I just go, wow. Like, there's just, like, funny people out there.

[Elders]

Yeah, but it just. I would rather have that interaction. You know what I mean?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Of course.

[Elders]

And that's why also. And maybe that's why streaming is now so big, is because it's the only way to make it feel like there's actual people there.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right?

[Elders]

Because it's the same stuff. It's still a screen, but there's the immediacy of, you know, that person is physically chatting with you. I think that's probably why that shit's taking off now, because it combines the immediacy of the medium, or like, it kind of makes up for how impersonal the medium is by knowing everyone's there at the same time. But look, we can. We can have media theory all we want. What we really need to do is solve the problems of our callers. Bonnie.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, ok, Sorry. I forgot about that.

[Elders]

No, no, it's okay. Eldest. Let's fucking. Let's take some calls here, buddy.

[Caller 2]

Sorry.

[Elders]

No, no, you know, don't apologize if your business communications are basically a burner phone and a prayer. Missed calls, texts nobody answered, customers following up. For the third time, it's a mess. At some point you just hit the wall where you're like, all right, I'm done with this. Let's fucking Quo. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled Q U O. The business communication system. System built so you never miss a call. With Quo, your entire team can handle calls and texts from one shared number. So no more missed messages or dropped conversations. Everyone sees the full thread, replies are faster, and customers are actually feel taken care of. It works wherever you are, right? From your phone or computer. Keep your existing number, add teammates in minutes, sync your CRM and let the call routing handle itself as you scroll. Money is on the line. Always say hello with quo. Try quo for free. Plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.comstavvi that's quo.comstavvi starting something new isn't just hard, it can be terrifying. You know, Stavi's world, it was very scary. I left a very successful venture, the name of which I won't say because this is an advertisement where I was making a lot of money and I had to start completely over new fees. You know, I knew some people were gonna be mad at me, and I realized it was gonna be a hard decision, but we wanted to start our own thing from scratch. That was hard to do. You know, we had to train someone who has no capabilities whatsoever to produce a podcast it's, it's terrifying. Especially when you're starting a business. Starting something new is hard. That's why it helps to have a partner like Shopify by your side. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world.world and 10% of all E commerce in the US from household names like Death Wish Coffee and Magic Spoon to brands just getting started. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Like I said, I have had Shopify. It's helped Stavi's world. All our merch goes through Shopify. It's helped me as just my personal, as a comedian, my personal merchant. When we were selling, you know, T shirts, the calendar, of course. We love Shopify. Our merch guy, our beautiful merch guy. Chris loves all how easy it is to track all our sales. Do everything off Shopify. It's time to turn those what ifs into sales with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi that's shopify.comstavi

[Caller 2]

I'm calling in for advice about my boyfriend. Okay, are these last we've been together? Well, we were hooking up and we were hanging out like a long time before we were together.

[Elders]

Nice.

[Caller 2]

We worked together at a restaurant and that's how we met.

[Elders]

And so far, two humongous strikes so far for relationships. Working is the on again, on again, off again hookup into. And then like you worked at a restaurant where everybody just sucks and each other.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But I know.

[Elders]

Anyway, go ahead. We'll. We'll hear you out.

[Caller 2]

We were hooking up and hanging out for like almost a year before we've made it official. But we decided to be in a committed long term relationship since about October.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

November. December, January, February.

[Caller 2]

Yeah. So we've known each other for a long time. Time. Things are good. This is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh boy. She's got some problems.

[Caller 2]

I feel like we're doing really well. But I do have a couple concerns. One is that he has. I haven't met any of his family yet. I still live with my parents, so it's different. Like he knows my family.

[Elders]

They got to be early 20s, right? She doesn't say, but it feels like it.

[Caller 2]

He's here all the time. He just moved back in with his family recently.

[Elders]

Like they're either in their early 20s or just the saddest call we've ever gotten.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We were living in a basement suite.

[Elders]

And then, all right, what else?

[Caller 2]

And I still haven't met them. We've talked about it and I've like, voiced to him upset about it. And again, I know, but he hasn't made. Made any moves to do so, and I'm starting to get concerned. I'm trying to give him a grace period of moving into his parents, and I hope that by the time he's fully moved in and I'll be able to go over there. But I just don't understand why he's so weird about it.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Why are you so weird about it? Yeah, why do you want to meet the parents so bad?

[Elders]

That's a great point.

[Caller 2]

Especially with the fact that he hasn't said I love you yet. I said I love you one time when we were fighting.

[Elders]

We were fighting.

[Caller 2]

I think he said that he wanted to say it back or oh, brother.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Something like that.

[Elders]

22 year old.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

This is so.

[Elders]

This is just being 22. This is so funny.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But it is wild to not like, if I. I don't understand where you don't talk like, she's like, I want to meet his parents. He hasn't brought it up. Why wouldn't you just be like, hey, I'm coming with you. I'm gonna go to your house because she's a child.

[Elders]

And then she.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And then if he goes, no, then you have a fight about it and then you break up. I mean, that's.

[Elders]

Right, Right. But that's. You're talking about again, this is just your plain farm. Farm style communication upbringing. You know, there's no conceit, there's no anything. There's no stewing. There's no, there's no big city east coast stewing instead of talking about it.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Does he laugh at your jokes?

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. Does she have any more. She has a little bit. She just said. Says she doesn't want to keep bringing it up and. Okay. So not really. This is just being a little ass kid. Basically. This is just being early 20s.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

So for me, I will say if I. And again, we're assuming they're in their early 20s, maybe they're in their mid-20s. Who knows?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Maybe this would be a completely different conversation if they were in their 40s.

[Elders]

If they're. Yeah. Even starting at 30. This is a crazy conversation.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

But in your 20s, at some point, in, at some level of being immature and poor, whatever the fuck. I get it. Right. I will say if I were a guy who Was on again, off again, hooking up with someone for a year and then like, you're a bartender. I think. I think for her, I think you need to realize the way you view this relationship is a lot different than how he views it. Is my hunch is my hunch. Right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right. To me, I think she, like, they were hooking up. He doesn't see that much difference between that and this.

[Elders]

Well, I don't think. Well, they were up hooking up. The clock didn't start running it for him.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No. Right.

[Elders]

She thinks they've been dating almost two years. He's like, what's it been, two and a half months? Like, to his mind, he's like, well, we. You a couple times, but we've been dating like a month. Really?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Said, I love you. She's like, I did in a fight.

[Elders]

And he's like, oh, so that's my hunch. And may. And maybe I'm projecting here off of my, you know, my personal beliefs when I was a dumbass in my 20s.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

That's a very real possibility for you. You're looking like, I've been dating this person almost two years. Like, you're rounding up. You're like, I've been dating him two years. He's met my family.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

He hasn't even said I love you or meet the m. Want me to meet the parents. To me, meeting family is one of the, like, fakest milestones in the world.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Why do you do it? You're not going to get married to the guy. He's a bartender who lives with his dad.

[Elders]

Yeah. I mean, I. That. That's the, the in my. My hunch is that that is the absolute disconnect here.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

Is that she's looking at it like. And maybe, you know, she's a good person. She's like, I date with, like, I want to see the things through, I think. And look, I'm not even saying he might not be on your level at some point. I'm just saying my hunch is he thinks this is way less serious at this point.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Than you'd think it is.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And that's not saying he might not eventually.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Why does she think it's serious? Like, it. It's like, just enjoy. Like, this is the thing, I think with women a lot, or, I don't know, maybe with men too. But I just talk to women more about it.

[Elders]

Sure.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Is that it's a means to an end. Always.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's not like, I don't know, it seems fun, you know, which Is like. Isn't that what dating is like? You just go into it. You go, I don't know. It's like starting crowd work. Maybe it'll work, maybe it won't. I don't know. Let's see what happens.

[Elders]

Totally.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And then you don't like. But I never dated during profile time.

[Elders]

Sure.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

So I don't know if.

[Elders]

Were you dating. Sorry to cut you off.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Pretty much. Predominantly comedians are in my immediate. Like, you'd meet someone, you'd laugh, you have fun, you go them then.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But you go on a date and then you go, ah, let's just be friends. And then you go someone else.

[Elders]

I agree with you, but I also think that's a different philosophy. Like, were you ever dating? Dating, Thinking about getting married?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Never.

[Elders]

Me neither. Right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

The only rich was the only one where I was like, I think this guy might actually propose. And then he did when I thought he was going to.

[Elders]

Oh, interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You're like, okay, yeah.

[Elders]

What's the proposal like? He.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

We were in a hotel room by the airport. Cause we were taking a flight the next day and yeah. Yes. Was not thought out. And he was getting so angry.

[Elders]

Newark, Sheridan, I think, because I think

[Bonnie McFarlane]

we're flying to Florida. And I think he was going to do it in Florida, But I think his anxiety was getting the better. We were still in New Jersey. We're at a hotel. I don't know why. We were at a hotel in. By the Newark airport. Hotel at. Yes, at an airport hotel. And then he just goes here. And he had a ring box. And then he laid down on the couch. He was like fully having a panic attack back. And he goes, you don't have to say yes if you don't want to. And I had to. I had to open up my own ring, calm him down, tell him it was going to be okay, we were going to do it.

[Elders]

Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah. That's hilarious.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He goes, you want to call people? I go, no, let's. Let's wait a bit.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's my grace period on taking this back? Let me get the St. Pete's first. And, you know, let me think about it on the ocean.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But I sort of had a suspicion. So I already, I'd already. I already knew what I was going, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I really, I really liked it. It is weird now, thinking back 20 years. I really liked him back then.

[Elders]

That is what. That's what love is, though. It's like, I do think that's what you want is something you can't really explain.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And you're like, this is just how I feel. Well, there's something magical and nice about that.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Rich would never. If. If it had. If it had been a dating app, I would have never dated him because he was too old and he had kids and it would. Just wouldn't have. But just because I met him organically and we bonded in some way and just were funny together. We just were immediately.

[Elders]

That's great. I mean, I totally know what you mean. Some. Sometimes I think back and I'm like. Some of the women that I end up dating the longest is like, people who bring something out of me that make me feel comfortable. I feel funnier around them. And it's not the kind of thing where I need to feel the funniest. I've dated people who I don't particularly click, but it's just like. There's just. That's a good marker for other types of joy. Especially when you're a person who loves.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, when you feel like. I mean, I guess I've always had this weird thing because. Especially being a woman who now I believe I have some kind of neurodivergence. I don't know. But I. I just have always been kind of weird.

[Elders]

Plenty of mental illness.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know I'm sick in some way.

[Elders]

Let's not get too specific about neurodivergence.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But. But I just. I care. Now. I can't remember what we were talking

[Elders]

about, but really trying to prove your point that you're add.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I'm talking about. Wait, no. Oh, I. I just wouldn't have. Is it what I say? I wouldn't have dated Rich.

[Elders]

I think that makes sense. So it's like.

[Caller 1]

It's.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, no. I was. I know. I was gonna say.

[Elders]

I'm so sorry. Go ahead.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But I was gonna say, like. Like it's. There's some kind of safety that gets. Like when. When you're with somebody who. The chemistry thing. I think that's actually just. You feel like, okay, this person. I'm not gonna offend this person. Where. That's what I would always happen to me in regular relationships on regular dates where I just. I chose funny over.

[Elders]

Right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That. Making them feel comfortable or. Do you know what I mean?

[Elders]

Of course. Of course I remember. Wait, this was the. Famously. The era of your life where you said cunt on NBC.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes, yes.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And then was completely shocked that people were upset about it. Completely. It's.

[Elders]

So I watched that. That's so, like, it's funny to think that I was a. I don't mean to. I. I feel bad every time telling people I've saw things. When I was a child, when I. Again, I look like this, but I was a child watching that show on my. In my basement, in my kitchen basement. I remember exactly where I was when. When it cut to use there. I was like. And I didn't know. I was like. I didn't really know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

They believed it.

[Elders]

They believed it. So no one could tell what you said.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right. Right.

[Elders]

But anyway, that makes. That does make sense to me on some level. And I think what's going on here is this girl is just. She has this connection to this guy. She feels comfortable. She feels like she wants it to be probably a little more serious than he does. And she's freaking out about these markers. Societal. Societal checkoff marks where it's like, listen, if you. If this guy doesn't like. Like you and he. And you get lunch with his mom, it's not changing the relationship.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

If he likes you and like, if he likes you and he drags his feet, that's his own stuff. Liking you is the problem.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

If you work really hard at it, you're gonna get him ready for the next girl. That's. That's the best you can hope for. That's the best you can hope for in this situation. It's so. You're like. It's the societal markers that you're saying there's. They weigh so heavy on women. For what reason at this point in time?

[Elders]

I don't know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

In 2026, there's still like, they're obsessed with having like the bridal shower and the, you know.

[Elders]

Yeah. Like the traditional markers. Even if you're not even a traditional person.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

On some level you want, you know. Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You think you deserve these things or that you. It's just like when you have a kid and, you know, they. I remember like when Raina was little and she was supposed to be able to throw a ball, like.

[Elders]

Right. The developmental markers, like, send a ball back.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And she couldn't. And I was doing it over and over.

[Elders]

She's f. And then. And then.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Then I was like, wait, they all. Every kid in kindergarten can throw a ball back. Like, it doesn't matter. Do you know what I mean? If it's six months, she can do it or not.

[Elders]

Six months, she'll be able to do. Yeah. It's like sometimes, like, you meet people who were non verbal until they were like three.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And Their parents were probably freaking the fuck out and they're just like. Now they're just regular people. Maybe they're stupid, but now they're just regular people. So, yeah, if you worry about this stuff, you will just fuck up whatever you have going on. Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Appreciate the moment.

[Elders]

Appreciate the moments. And listen, if it comes up, up, and you're having a good time and he's talked about being around his family, you could say, feel free to be like, hey, you know, I'd really love to meet your family. Like, maybe we get lunch, something, see how he reacts.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And maybe they're weird and he's embarrassed of them.

[Elders]

That's a great point, actually. That's a huge. That's a really good point. I think that happens a lot, but.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Or he's told a few fibs that he doesn't want them to look either way.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I don't. Do we think this is. This is like necessarily the. The end all, be all relationship for you? No, not. Sorry, we're here. We're wiser. We're older and wiser than you. We've seen how life works. Probably the guy you met working at Tim Hortons is not who's gonna be your fucking. Although I actually did meet a guy who met his wife literally working at a Tim Hortons. And it's the cutest story of all time. The first. They dated in high school and they're like, high school sweethearts. Have a beautiful family. It's actually. So it does happen. So maybe we'll have happen. But you getting ahead of yourself and being like, why haven't I met his family? No, that doesn't matter.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

The minute you start thinking that, it's like, over.

[Elders]

Yeah. And I am a little worried because it does feel like you. You are putting weird pressures on what even to us. Sounds like a more casual relationship than you think it is.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Even.

[Elders]

Listen, even let's.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Which is not bad. You can have a casual relationship in your toy. Why are women having. Why are they being forced into these serious relationships so guys could have casual relations? Like, you're allowed to just have fun and do what you want.

[Elders]

But look, I think they seem like they're committed. Committed, but it's just still like, just because you're committed doesn't mean you're automatically. That's, I think, a weird. That's. Some people think, well, once we're in a committed relationship, we're basically married.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

And it's like, no, you're still in your 20s and dating. It's still not serious. It's just. You can be monogamous and not be serious. I think people don't understand that that can be. You can be dating someone and not be sleeping with anybody else, but it's not that serious a relationship that is possible because so many people are open and do crazy shit. People think just locking it down. That was actually a big hurdle for me where I was like, oh, I could just date someone. And it's not. It doesn't mean I'm engaged to her. Just means like I'm not sleeping with anybody else. Figuring it out.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right. I think that's the thing that's changed over time. Like, you know, I got married 20 years ago and that it's like the, the, the apps made it. Now this is something we're really doing here, you know? Or something happened where. Because you did just used to kind of like around a lot.

[Elders]

Yeah. And you would.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

There was a lot of around. It was kind of fun.

[Elders]

Bring it back. What else we got? Eldis?

[Caller 2]

Hello, Elvis, Esteemed guest. I re. I have to re record this because the last one sounded like just complete dog. So. Okay, for Context, I am 21. I'm on my own, living on my own. I have a very complicated relationship with my parents. Parents. My dad's a serial cheater with two kids at a wedlock and he recently started a divorce process with my mom, who is also kind of a piece of because she just kept on going back to him. Long story. I have a 10 year old brother.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I love when they don't give the mom any grace.

[Elders]

Yeah, she was in love this. Yeah, they. They write. Yeah, they write the female characters even in their own lives.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

Like, like a male director.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

This.

[Caller 2]

I have a 10 year old brother. He is. He's a sweet kid when he wants to be. We have a lot of issues because he's just really mean to a point where it's like, I can tell it's because of the divorce. So, like nobody does anything to tell him. Like, hey, maybe you shouldn't call people fat. You know, maybe you shouldn't like be a brat, you know, and top it all off, he's like a gen alpha and stupid ass kid, you know, watching YouTube videos.

[Elders]

AI YouTube videos toast, by the way.

[Caller 2]

Fortnite all the time.

[Elders]

This kid's so. It's crazy.

[Caller 2]

My question to you, he's probably got.

[Elders]

He's probably taking a hammer to his cheekbones as we speak. Keep going, Eldis.

[Caller 2]

So my question to you is like, is he savable? Is. Is it Is it.

[Elders]

What are you. Hold on. What are you talking about?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Put him down. Put him down.

[Elders]

One quick one to the back of the head like Old Yeller.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You get. You get a. You get a coat hanger like that. You grab his leg.

[Elders]

Yep. Bash him in the head with an axe. Is he savable?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

The thing is at 10 when they're. It's kind of good cuz it's. It's not the usual age.

[Elders]

So he's get out of their system

[Bonnie McFarlane]

actually going to get out of. He's actually probably early enough an asshole that his. He'll figure out himself because at a certain age kids brains start going against everything around them. So he hasn't even hit that age yet. So he'll start.

[Elders]

He might rebel against.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He will rebel against this. He'll might become a great person.

[Elders]

Interesting. Interesting.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I think it's like. Like the way the reason teenagers do that is in case they have bad parents.

[Elders]

Oh interesting.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That they can get out of it.

[Elders]

That, that you have the. The urge to. Potentially.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes. You have the urge to go whatever you believe. I don't believe. I' believe all this now so that you can have an opening.

[Elders]

You know what?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Experience in case they're shitty.

[Elders]

That is actually a really interesting evolutionary argument why there's a black sheep in like most families.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh wow.

[Elders]

Because it's like you could. And again, this is awesome because we're really just letting it fly. We have no idea, no concepts, no nothing. This is. This is science. But it is. It would be a fun theory if. If evolutionarily they just made a black sheep sheep because they're like hey, if the society this or if the group clan that this individual happens to be born into actually is onto the wrong stuff, we'll have a group, a smaller group kind of splinter, sell off and rebel and form their own and say which if they're right then they'll flourish and the genes go either way. It's kind of fun to think about.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Nobody came to my vegan side.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh no, not you. Your line is dying and you again repopulate. You became vegan and married Rich Voss. I mean again, again.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I know.

[Elders]

Although it is crazy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You know, don't put me in a box, man.

[Elders]

It's funny though. We didn't even talk about how insane it is that your daughter's in college. That's like one of. That's like a classic comedy kid that ages all of us. Yes. Where we all remember like you know her as a kid at the stand. We all remember like with her.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, I want her to come to stand and hang out and see everybody again because she's like, like this absolutely gorgeous, like, funny person.

[Elders]

They want her out of comedy clubs.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Wow.

[Elders]

Don't make sure Jeff Ross isn't around.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You know, she, she sent me I'm in the Epstein files or whatever.

[Elders]

What do you mean you're in the EP files?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

So ra send me the thing. Cuz there's a flyer in the Epstein emails that I'm on the show.

[Elders]

Oh, wait, were you part of the people that. It was like somebody was sh. I think cuz EPY wanted to go to the Cellar one night.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

You were on the lineup that night.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

So all her and her friends put in all their parents names as a. To search and guess whose name came up? So, so Raina was like, you brought me there, cuz I, I could have been trafficked by.

[Elders]

Could have found me at the Comedy Cellar.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I go, I brought you there to give to Jeffrey Espy Epstein. He wouldn't take you.

[Elders]

She's like, come on, I know, I'm actually pretty. We could be living on the Upper east side right now.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But she was like, I go, why is it a flex to you? Because she was like telling all her friends and stuff. She goes, I don't know. It's kind of cool.

[Elders]

It is funny because it's. Because being in the Epstein files innocently is a flex. Because it's funny. It's just funny because it's like if you search your parents name and it comes up, most people aren't giggling about that. Most people are like, wow, it's like, change your whole life.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

They all sat around their sorority and put in all their parents names.

[Elders]

I fully believe that. That makes so much sense to me. That's exactly what we'd be doing if we were fucking kids right now. And there was like a big pedophile list.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Right. Ah, your dad fucks kids. Like, if Elvis's dad was in the Epstein files, that'd be the funniest thing that ever happened. If they're like, oh, yeah, we had an Albanian chauffeur who kept trying to the kids, but we had to hose him down. That's, that's, that's the. I would have loved to have that kind of status in Albania. They would have made a, put a, a statue of him at the capital. He's like, first Albanian yeoman to shake hands with the Jews that control the world. And he'd have his little driver's cap on. That's so funny. What were we answering the qu. What was the.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, well, the kid be okay, I think.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's gonna be okay.

[Elders]

There's still. There's still more. I'm gonna. Yeah, give us some more.

[Caller 2]

Pretty far away. But I try and keep in contact with him and when he is mean to me, I'm like, hey bro, like I'm not gonna talk to you if you call me fat or you like are really rude to me. Like, it's just that my mom.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

First she said calling people fat.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, no, right.

[Elders]

And now she's actually the only clarified that it calling her fat. That is actually what's driving her crazy. So anyway.

[Caller 2]

But then my mom coddles him and my dad basically doesn't do anything. Prick.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I'll leave him alone.

[Elders]

Well, sweetheart, I mean he shouldn't be rude, but he could lose a few. At least we don't got to get the kid eyeglasses. I'll say that.

[Caller 2]

So I don't really know what to do. I want to have a relationship with him. I don't want him to fall down like the alt right pipeline, right. What seems to be happening. One thing you can't like I hate gay people and stuff like that and I don't know, dude. Like, I just don't know what to do in the situation because I'm not his parent.

[Elders]

So like this is kind of hard.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I think she should lose

[Elders]

know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I see. I see an answer.

[Elders]

Look, the kid is. He's not going to be helped by having to look at ugly broads all day.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Give him something to look up to.

[Elders]

This is hard because it's both a real problem that I would be worried about and she is so clearly too close to the situation because what's the problem with her brother is that he's a kid whose parents are going through this fucked up divorce.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And if your parents are both pieces of shit that's gonna fuck you up one way or the other. Like, look, me and my brothers got out, got. You know, we didn't have. Our parents were not. You know, there were some problems but we didn't. It was nothing crazy. But there was plenty of mental illness and there was anger issues and there was fighting and there was stuff that could fuck you up.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And there's low level abuse, whatever. Right. Nothing crazy. Nothing really.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Doesn't everyone have a low level abuse

[Elders]

compared to like other shit. Whatever. And we're all doing pretty good. But all of us had our own problems, right? Like we had. I had some mental illness. Illness I had to get over. I had some, I had some real, you know, it's like we have depression, anxiety and other forms of more extreme mental illness are like kind of we. That we all have struggled with.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And we didn't even have that bad an upbringing. Right. So this kid.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

He's gonna have some weird. Right?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Now the problem is, is the way he's affected by this divorce. You are so emotional about a 10 year old calling you fat. This is hurting your feelings in a serious way. Where. And even you being like, can I save him? It's like, of course the kid is savable. What you should do now is an interesting question. What kind of relationship you should have with a kind of bratty younger brother? I think you're not his parent, but you are an adult, Right. How old did she say? 20?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

21.

[Elders]

She's 21. Okay. So yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

An adult to him though.

[Elders]

Definitely an adult to him for sure. What you need to do is, no pun intended, be the bigger person. Sorry, sorry. I'm not even saying you're that fat. I'm fatty. Okay. And I do think it's rude. Even if you were or even if you are or are not fat, it is rude for your 10 year old brother to call you that.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Kids call people fat all the time. They, they know that that's a trigger and they can get a good reaction and they do it all the time.

[Elders]

Those little. Don't know it's coming for them.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, I know.

[Elders]

You know what I mean? I love when you see a seven year old being like, I don't want to be fat or whatever.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's like, wait till you get your period.

[Elders]

No disrespect, you're going to be fat. We live in America, birth control anyway, so I would say, yes, you do. You kind of have to, to slightly be above it. Don't engage, you know, don't engage with him in terms of like, don't let him act out the way he wants to. If he. Again, you're not his parent in that if he's being a complete brat, you could just be like, I'm not dealing with you when you act like this. I think, I think you need to be because right now maybe you're not his cool older sister, but soon, like this age gap is actually pretty good for an older sibling because you're the.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He's lucky that he has her.

[Elders]

Totally. Like in, in a couple years when he needs a little help navigating the world, you will be in your mid-20s, you will really know a bunch of.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

So I think the best thing to do is right now, don't create the weird kind of sibling rivalry that makes it so that you can't.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Because I don't call you fat.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Just. Just like be like you're being a fudgeing brat.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Don't. You can't. Don't. You're not. Oh, I'm a farmer, you know, I'm a fat bitch. I guess you don't want to come to Chick Fil a with me or

[Bonnie McFarlane]

whatever or go to Target or just

[Elders]

like the little perks that an older sibling can for a younger sibling. Oh, I guess you don't need somebody to go take you to buy a switch or whatever.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Don't get mad. Don't take it personally where you don't.

[Elders]

You're.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Now you're going to be another part of his problem.

[Elders]

Exactly. I think you need to do what do whatever you can to avoid becoming his enemy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

Don't take it upon yourself to parent him. Look, in fact, you have the ability, you have the advantage of not being lame like a parent.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

You have the ability to be like, when he's being a idiot, you could just be like you're being a loser.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

No girls are going to want to. If you act like that. Like, truly you could act. And so I think you need to avoid becoming his enemy when he's in this weird situation going through divorce. You know, your parents are going to

[Bonnie McFarlane]

always be available to him.

[Elders]

Be available and understand that you may not be his parent, but it's like you do have to step in a little bit in a way that you shouldn't have to understand that you shouldn't have to do this.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

But this, I think is the recipe is like stay his friend. Friend. If he's being a don't, you know, don't allow that kind of behavior, don't support it. But yeah, I think in a couple years he will want. When you're 15, you know how sick it is to have a sibling that's 26, they can buy you beer.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

They can get you.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No, but like, even just, you know, go stay overnight at her place would be amazing.

[Elders]

Like when elder. When your sister would take us to TGI Fridays in the movies.

[Caller 1]

No.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

That was awesome, dude. Those like some of the best. You know, we're like in. We're 13, you feel like a adult.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes. Yeah.

[Elders]

So soon you will have a lot. Access to a lot of stuff that he wants. Right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

If you don't, you know, Take personally. And like, yes. If you try to like, get even or have resentments with him.

[Elders]

Don't beef with a child even though it's your brother.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right, right. It's hard because. Because Raina was so rude sometimes and you know, of course, hard not to be. Like, even when she was really little, we'd be playing and she wouldn't let my Barbie do stuff.

[Elders]

Kind of like. Yeah, she was kind of an. As a little kid. It was hilarious.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, in the comedy clubs, I will say this about her, that I left her in the prison yard and then people were like, she's acting like a prisoner.

[Elders]

But it was. But I. But I mean that in a good way.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Where it was like. It was funny to see a little kid be like, just like, be like, shut up. Like, not even.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

She went to my opener, she put. We were eating before the show. And then she finished and she put her napkin in his, like, shirt and she goes, go buy yourself something pretty.

[Elders]

I mean, you have told the story either on here on Cometown about how they were bullying Ian, her and her middle school friends.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, God.

[Elders]

Right, Right. I don't remember. Was that on Come Down?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It was.

[Elders]

I don't remember. It's a hall of fame story. Look it up, somebody.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He was getting upset. I'm always fascinated when people do get upset by kids, cuz I guess I've like got a thicker skin to it. But they were. He was getting upset because they somehow got his phone number and were texting him from the back of the. We had a van and we're going to a gig. And they were. They first thing they did was they called him a. A heroin addict. Right. Is that what I remember? Or they were like, oh, okay, crack addict or something like that. I think they were like 11 or 12 at the time. And just at that age where it was like. Of course they thought it was. So we were actually laughing pretty hard too. Ian was the one who was not that. That into it.

[Elders]

It's such a hilarious story anyway. Yeah. So. But it is hard. Kids can be mean, but it's like, you don't have to be his parents, so you can just walk away when you're fed up and just maintain. Because I do think.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Leave the door open.

[Elders]

Leave the door open. Because I think that's the solution here.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, agree.

[Elders]

But good luck. That sucks. And give yourself and him grace. Because she also. So when you're 21, even though you're an adult and your parents are getting divorced and you have this younger brother who kind of pulls you back into childhood. You're regressing a little bit psychologically. So try, try not do that. Go. You go to therapy. If you can get your. Your brother into therapy either now or later, that's good.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I don't believe in therapy.

[Elders]

That's awesome. And we don't have time to get into that. And we will save that for another episode.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I believe in Patreon. Hey.

[Elders]

Hey. Well, listen, if I had to pick one, believe me, I'm picking Patreon soon, sister. It is not even close. Which one has had a better effect on my life. Patreon versus therapy. Are you kidding me? I mean, I even. I'm working on a joke where it's like, it's not going to be on this hour, but it was like, my therapist goes on vacation in August. And then so instead of seeing him weekly, I just got a weekly cleaning lady instead of like, you know, monthly.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And I was like, wait, this is helping my life so much more than a fucking guy. I just have to complain to an old guy or I never do dishes. I'm gonna be a lot happier if I never have to fucking do dishes. But anyway, give us another call. Eldis. This episode of Stabby's World is sponsored by our pals at Twisted T. Who? Weather's getting nice. Nothing beats, I don't know, sitting on a back porch, going to a park. If, you know, if you live in an enlightened place where there's open, open container laws are kind of lax. I was in Savannah, Georgia. You can just take a delicious beverage outside of a bar. I'm in Savannah the next month, you're gonna catch me walking around. Nice day off, I'm sipping a twisted tea, walking around, sitting on a bench. When it comes to day drinking twisted tea, the king of hard teas is a no brainer. It's just smooth as hell, tastes good, and is made with real brewed tea. No weird flavors, no pretending to be something it's not not. It's refreshing, goes down smooth, and before you know it, you're having a great time wondering how life got this good. That's because when twisted tea is around, any get together becomes a party. Twisted tea in your friend's basement. Great. In the backyard while grilling with your best friend. Even better. Plus, at 5% alcohol, it has a kick. To make things the perfect level of fun. That sweet balance between wild and tame that you love, why not crack a can and see where the day takes you? Spoiler alert. It usually ends up better than it Goes back. Crack open a can of twisted tea. And remember, keep it twisted. Must be 21 plus. Please drink responsibly. Look, I grew up in Baltimore. I'm familiar with a water bug, a cockroach, whatever you want to call it. Years of growing up poor. Though still, when I see the. It does give me the damn heebie jeebies. Okay. Thankfully, Pesti is a do it yourself pest control that makes protecting your home simple and effective. Pesti gets rid of over 100 types of bugs. Spiders, ants, roaches, scorpions, whatever. Their DIY kit includes a sprayer, mixing bag, pesticide gloves and instructions you can complete in less than 10 minutes. With Pesti, you can get started at just $35 per treatment with a customized plant based on your location, bugs and climate. Plus, Pesti offers a 100% bug free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you don't gotta pay. Look, I've been in some weird, bad living situations. One bug turns into 10, turns into 100 turns into God knows how many. When I moved into my new spot, I saw one cockroach. I hit Pesty immediately. The problem went away. Way. I can't tell you how good it felt to not have to worry about this anymore. Knowing that I was going to take action and not have this be the kind of thing that annoys me. I had a moth infestation. I threw away a weird rug, got Pesty. We were in the clear. You're going to love it. Keep the bugs away with pesty. Go to pesty.comstavi for an extra 10% off your order. That's pstie.comstaving stavi for an extra 10 off.

[Caller 1]

Hey, stuff, Elvis. I just left a voicemail earlier. Please disregard that one.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Wow.

[Elders]

Anyway, I.

[Caller 1]

Long time, first time, love the show. Calling in for a little bit of advice because I am a reformed incel.

[Elders]

Oh yeah.

[Caller 1]

I've been married to my wifey for six years. Great sex life. She's the best. Kind of the one who pulled me out of Intel.

[Elders]

Good for you, man.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

She's Goblin. Ma. Are women people.

[Elders]

Hey, this is pretty nice.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Maybe I've been too hard on these.

[Elders]

Yeah, you are on this type of person. What they're doing now feels kind of awesome. And that actually is.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Does this make me gay?

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah. Is the fact that I'm respecting a woman because she gave me pussy make me gay? You know, that is kind of how society works. It's like you get annoyed by women, then you fuck. You're like you know what? Women actually are awesome. That's the way anything works.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

They're so soft.

[Elders]

Anyway, let's see what he's got.

[Caller 1]

Was headed down a dark tunnel, so props to her.

[Elders]

Fuck yeah, dude.

[Caller 1]

Anyways, life is great. I've been away from.

[Elders]

Pause this again. We need to get this guy to be doing. We need. I swear to God, we need to have an in person. Like, we need to have like incel conversion therapy. The way. The way they had gay conversion. They have gay conversion therapy and we need to just get a camp. Get like, oh, dude, this would go crazy if we got like 10 of the incels that have called into the program and did a reality show.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, my God.

[Elders]

We go to a camp and we just, by the way, buy sex worker. Like, we just hire a bunch of awesome sex workers. We have them like train how to talk to women. We have them go. We have them like we queer eye them or we. We fat eye them. Fat eye for the incel. It needs a little work. But if. That would be incredible if we got 10 incels and we had this guy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But really, they really are incels.

[Elders]

Yeah, look, of course they. They're out there again. Me and eldest are reformed in cells. We didn't get pussy when we were teenagers. You know what I mean? Like, that form.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Is that what an incel is?

[Elders]

Just somebody to get involuntarily celibate is what it means.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, I never realized that's the. Oh, I just thought it was like right wing trolls.

[Elders]

No, no, no. Incel started from purely. The definition is involuntarily celibate.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, God, I can't believe I didn't know that.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, There you go. Everybody's learning.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Did everyone know that but me?

[Elders]

I think a lot. Not everyone, but a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, I didn't know. I'm not on my phone.

[Elders]

Yeah, you're not online. You're unplugged. You're. You're out there at, you know, putting. Putting okra for the season.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I get it now.

[Elders]

Okay, let's see what else he's got.

[Caller 1]

Eldis, you know that area for over six, seven years now. And just kind of recently identified a part in my life where I think it's still affecting me in some of my relationships, particularly just with women who are my friends. I have caught myself being. Being kind of cold or borderline sometimes rude to my female friends because I am kind of scared of coming off as flirty or interested or approach you know, coming after my female friends in some kind of romantic way. I've never had an instance where that has happened and someone's called me out, either my wife or any of my friends. Friends. It's more of just. I guess recently as I thought about this, I think some kind of incel. Naivety or insecurity of just.

[Elders]

Yeah, that makes total sense because once

[Bonnie McFarlane]

you're married that's the best time to flirt.

[Elders]

Yeah. And cheat too. And then maybe you could. Now you're really not an incel.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

If you don't want, if you don't want to cheat, you can always be like I'm married.

[Elders]

Of course.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Well no, that is. It's a joke. But it is kind of true in terms of, of like when you're in a relationship and you truly don't want to cheat and you're just being yourself cuz you're happy because you're with someone who has lifted you up. You do attract more people then.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Because you're just happier and better and everything but.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And flirting a lot of times is just having a, A great conversation with somebody.

[Elders]

Yes. Yes. It doesn't have to be now sexual. It doesn't have to be. Yes. But do you have more.

[Caller 1]

Okay, rather just be borderline rude to these people so that there is no fear of that. But rather, you know, be friends with women and be myself around them. So would love your take on that. Especially with.

[Elders]

This is good.

[Caller 1]

You know, all the friendships you've developed and as you've kind of gone through that process yourself.

[Elders]

Anyways, thank you.

[Caller 1]

I would really appreciate your take on this. Love the show and, and thank you.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, I guess I need a clarifier on what the problem actually is.

[Elders]

The problem is. So he's saying he's great, he's been delivered out of incel hood, he's in a nice committed relationship now he finds himself sort of maybe even subconsciously on some level being colder and less friendly to women friends and associates because he does and he thinks it might. It's like vestigial. Like he doesn't want to be seen as flirting or crossing a boundary. He is now he still sees his relationship to women is still like wrapped up in him shame and embarrassment. Now instead of getting rejected and on some level still getting rejected right now it's just the opposite where it's like now he's getting. Now women are going to demonize him for trying to fuck them or like trying to be inappropriate or whatever. Whereas before he was scared of getting rejected by women. Now he's scared. Scared of being made out to be a predator.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Whatever sex.

[Elders]

And I would say, first and foremost, if I were you, everything I know about you, buddy, you being too dastardly, charming to a woman would not be at the top of my worries. Them thinking you're behaving them. Them perceiving you as Antonio Banderas in his prime is not something I would be worried about.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Number one, complimenting women has gotten such a weird thing recently. You can totally compliment women. It doesn't have to be sexual. You don't just say, like, her boobs, of course. You know what I mean?

[Elders]

You look nice. Cool jacket. Cool. You do have a cool jacket. Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Thank you.

[Elders]

And cool pants.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Something with, you know. Do you do something different with your hair? That's fine. I can't even say something but nice about her shoes is like such a weird.

[Elders]

But also. It's like.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But it doesn't have to be sexual.

[Elders]

And I would say you are in a good. Like, you clearly love your wife. She. You owe her everything, you know?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

You could be foggy. You'd be. You could be. You'd have a dog. Dark fucking life if it's not for this woman. You don't want to cheat. I think this is a really good opportunity for you to. This is a great learning opportunity where you're like, you don't. Because you want to fuck your female coworkers the same amount you want to fuck your male coworkers now. Zero. Because you don't want to, you know, sleep.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You don't want to wreck your relationship.

[Elders]

So I think this is freeing. You should be able to. And how do you do it? Like, basically his question is, essentially, how do I just have better female friendships?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, I think, like, it's just like being curious about other people.

[Elders]

That's.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It is. You know, just when, like I said before, like, when people are nice, not nice isn't even the right word, because I don't like nice that much. But, like, when inquisitive.

[Elders]

Take an interest.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes, yes. It's like it's. It's. It's so much better, you know, spend

[Elders]

a little bit of their time seeing you. And I think that's a good way to look at it. You have only looked at relationships with women as a. Like, how a means to an end. How can I win her over? How could that energy. You've never expanded. Expounded energy. Energy. Expand. Expound it.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah, I think.

[Elders]

Is that right? You've never used energy for the purpose of getting Non sexual intimacy with a woman now you can still. It's social. You're still using part of your social battery. But it's just. The means are different. The end is much different. Now you want to form a real friendship. So just put. It's not. I think he doesn't realize that taking an interest in a woman is not cheating on his wife. Being like, oh, how was your weekend?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

What do you think about people? It's just.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And learning more about how women think will help you in your relationship with your wife.

[Elders]

Totally. And in your job and in just being a. So I think that's, that's, it's as simple as that. Understanding. And I think he's, he kind of does understand his own psychology pretty well.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

Where it's like, yes, that's a stupid vestigial way of thinking where you know, you can't put real energy into talking to a woman for fear of getting rejected or fear of nasty. Being outed as like a sexual harasser slash wannabe.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That would be. I think that's a thing that men. I don't know if they do. Maybe he does. But like if I was a man, that's what I would be worried about. Yeah.

[Elders]

And look, whatever. It's like, sure. But again, I don't think this guy. I think you greatly overestimate the amount. These women think you're trying to fuck them.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes. Right.

[Elders]

They probably think you're their nice but weird co worker, you know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right, right.

[Elders]

And that's and way, by the, the way, making friends, it's pretty simple. It. It hasn't gotten that crazy since being a little kid. Be nice to people. Bring in cup bro. You bring cupcakes or donuts or you're just saying you just come in one day, you're like my wife baked cookies for the whole office. You do simple like that once a month and ask your female co workers how their weekend was.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

And just. And by the way, go to the movies with a group of friend.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

A group of.

[Elders]

Of like, you know, co workers. Just do some shit like that. You're gonna, you're fine. You just need to understand that it is not. You are not being lecherous by taking a real interest in your female friends. And I think for me, and if he asks, you know, he says, you know, we've dealt with it. And for my, yeah, my reality, the, the true answer for me is just like purely getting out of that mindset of only seeing, seeing your relationship to women as sexual.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

That was it where I was Like. Or what happened to me is like, I moved here and I, like, you're so lonely and that you really. You, like, a couple people, like, are nice to you, and you're like. And if a woman is nice to you when you're, like, sad, you're like, I love her.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And then you talk to her or you even say how you feel, and you're like, wait, I didn't fucking. I wasn't in love with that girl. She was just a nice person.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

And it literally, like, for me, there was a moment where I was like, oh, oh. I was just friend. I just was good friends with her.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And it really was this thing where it took me to be, like, 24, 25, to be, like, to separate those feelings. Obviously, I had, like, friends who I had. I had close female friends who I, like, grew up with, who. It was almost like we became friends. We were children. So it's almost like you're grandfathered in at a simpler time where you don't even consider them, like, a sexual entity when we're growing up.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I kissed one of those guys one time, and it was so gross.

[Elders]

Totally.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I ran home.

[Elders]

I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I have a. I have, like, you know, one of my best friends is like that. But to truly. For me to truly kind of break the. The incel in my mind, I had to. It took me till I was like, yeah, in my mid-20s, which is, like, kind of embarrassing to admit. But that's. That's how.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

When you say to break that incel for your mind like, that talking to every woman is just to, like, trying to find out if you got an in or not.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah. That even when you were just kind of friendly talking to someone in the back of your head. Head, you're like, can I her? You know what I mean? It's like.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But I do think that, like, I think that about men.

[Elders]

There's a. Look, there's a very small part of you that's. It's almost like, evolutionary.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

But I mean, like, this was more of that. The second we, like. I would hit it off with someone as a friend who I clear, by the way. I didn't even really want to. It was just getting positive attention from a woman. I felt like, oh, I have to immediately convert sexual currency because that's what women are. That's their value, is to allow me opportunities to fuck. And then it took me, like, to actually come here, really switching up my shit up, coming to New York, rethinking Everything. And just meeting a ton of people where you realize, like, oh, I do just like being around them. And it's just like, you just have to let go of that shit. And it's very simple, though, because once you do it, you're like, oh, yeah, this is great. This is better. This is fun. And.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And now you can actually determine who you might like.

[Elders]

Totally.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

As opposed to just taking whatever you think might be crumbs given to you.

[Elders]

And then it gets to be fun, because then now you get to be misogynist with women. You get to trash other women with women. And you're not even misogynist. It's a loophole.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You're being supportive to at least one woman. Yeah.

[Elders]

Yeah. Oh, when you start gossiping about some dumb. With your girlfriends, oh, my God, that's the best. Eldest doesn't have that level of. Of malice in his heart. He doesn't want to destroy anyone the way some of my female friends want to destroy their enemies.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

The difference of, like, men will destroy other men, but just, like, some facts, you know, like, he doesn't make any money or nobody comes through his shows or whatever. But women get into the character of someone deep in there. We'll. We'll take apart their traumas.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, it's the best.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, their brother died when they were five. Get over it. You know, it's like.

[Elders]

And then when you throw gay guys into the mix, too.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, my God, they're. They're awesome. They have the ruthlessness.

[Elders]

It's both.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

It's like male domination and the ruthless cattiness of women.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

They're like, the meanest gay guy's the meanest person on earth.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes, absolutely.

[Elders]

And probably like a. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Now we've. I was thinking about. I think my next initiative is, like, really expand the lesbian friendship, because I got girls, I got gay guys, but I'm like, you know, I feel like I'm sorely lacking on lesbians. And I would just say in general, making friends with people that you connect with but have different life experiences makes your life so much richer.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's absolutely.

[Elders]

You find out about shit. You, you know, you watch. You know, you watch so I marry or you watch what's the fucking Natasha Leon cheerleader movie. But I'm a cheerleader. Yeah, you watch that movie because gay guys tell you about it.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's.

[Elders]

You know what I mean? It's like, you just get. You just enrich yourself. And so I think you're in the Right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Problem with the algorithm too is that it just keeps loop so you never. It's like you have to actually go out.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Meet people like you don't even know. I always think this about growing up poor is. I didn't even know what to hope for enrichment like in wealth. Like, I don't. I didn't know what was available.

[Elders]

I talk about that too. Where it's like getting. It's like when you, you like what happened to me when I first got money, real money. I was like, I got fat as. Cause I just started doing drugs and eating like steak.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Because you're like, I can do whatever

[Elders]

time I could ever. Just. I could have a ribeye every day.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And it wouldn't affect me financially. It was the first. And I just. And I straight up did that a lot. I ate like well. There was a tour of like a king.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It was crazy.

[Elders]

I was. I was truly eating like a king. And I was like taking pills and edibles and just like it was awesome. And by the way, I loved it. But it almost killed me.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

So. But you're good in that. Like. Yes. You're leaving the. The spiritual poverty of inceldom. And now you have the splendors of being friends with. With women and you know, a bunch of other people.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Now you can experience life.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know this. And by the way, I would also say this guy's married. Whatever. The other thing to realize from four former incels is like if you start treating women like people and form real bonds with women, guess what? They have female friends who. They will set you up.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

And that's the easiest dating you'll ever do in your life.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

When a girl vouches for you to another girl.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes. You.

[Elders]

You just have to not say the N word. You're good.

[Caller 2]

If you're.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

If you're a dude that has female friends, there's. You're so much better at talking to women. Like true. Like guys always do this. They go, why. Why does all the girls like him? Like, he's not good looking. He has no money. It's. You can tell he likes women.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah. He's interested in women.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He's just like a fun guy to be around women. Like some, some men really aren't interested in women. They don't like hearing them talk or anything like that. And then you women feel that. They get that.

[Elders]

Totally.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But if that person went out and was like, oh, I'm going to be friends with women.

[Elders]

Yeah. And learn that skill and not Expect that's the hard part. Everyone. And that's by the way, I hate to bring everything back to how capitalism is destroyed. Destroyed us. But it is the thing where we have. We think of our time as a commodity and we think of it as money or we think of it as our time wasting our time being this precious thing where it's like. So if you go out and you talk to a woman and she doesn't, you. You're like, she just wasted four of my hours. You know what I mean? Because it's like. Because the only thing that's important is. But it's like human connect. Looking at things like you're like. With dating with no expectations, just being like, you know what? I'm going out with my friends, I'm gonna talk to some women. If something. If I hook up with one, great. If I get somebody's number, great. I just ex. The more just ex life experiences you have, the better off you're gonna be in general. And again, out off the computer, touching grass, whatever the. All that shit.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

My friend was gonna date was talking to this guy on an app. And then she was gonna meet him and he made a documentary. So she watched the documentary and she said, watch this documentary. So I watched it. It was a good documentary documentary. And then she was like, the guy

[Elders]

told her to watch it or she watched. No, she.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

She looked him up or whatever, saw that he had made a documentary. Watch the documentary. She was like, should I go change?

[Elders]

That's the 911 was set up documentary.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It was. It had something to do with health. I can't remember now. But anyway, so it seemed like an interesting guy, you know. And then she said. She goes, he. He just DM'd me that he want. He wants to meet me. You know, he's. He's in her neighborhood, so he's gonna go to the spa. I go, just go meet him. She goes, no, because I don't think he's. For me. Like, I don't really like the way he looked in the documentary. And you know, I don't know. And it's like. But he's just a guy.

[Elders]

And just go.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Just go and sit there. You don't. There's no expectation there. But she wouldn't go out with him because she'd already made the decision that he wasn't a guy she was gonna marry.

[Elders]

No, that's. I mean the. Putting stakes on every interaction is what is ruined so much stuff making everything feel like it matters or is life and death or will affect you in really any way other than just being like. Like, you watch a movie from the 70s and it's. People just hung out all day where the plan was, hey, I'll meet you at the. I'll meet you at the park at 1pm they make that plan at 6pm the day before.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And then they just shows up.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And they're like, I can't show. I told him I would meet him. There's no, like, hey, hey, I'm actually 40 minutes. Like, yeah. If that person doesn't show up, they are dead to you.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right, right, right.

[Elders]

And then you see them the next day. You're like, what the happened to you?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh. And you don't know. And you really don't know. And you don't get. Have this great anxiety. Like, the minute you don't get a text from someone, there's the anxiety when

[Elders]

really it's like, oh, I guess you got hung up.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Who knows?

[Elders]

Anyway, anyway.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But the thing is, like, the. The time thing that you're saying where it's like, you're like, don't waste my time. It's like, what are you saving it up for? You know what I mean? It's like you're basically just. Your time is putting in time until you die. That's all this really is. Like, there's nothing you can take with you.

[Elders]

Totally.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's just experiences anyway. So you might like, that's.

[Elders]

That is the actual thing we should be trying to hoard is experiences instead of capital. Instead of that you steal from other people. That to really be rich, you have to exploit other people on some level.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

To be like, crazy, crazy rich. Instead, be like, go do the craziest. Do if something sounds weird, go do it, man.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

If so it's safe. Whatever. Yeah. Just try different out. And so, you know, this is a very minor version of that. Speaking to a woman as if she's a human equal is a minor version.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Someone that you have to. Someone you want to find out a little bit about.

[Elders]

Yeah, dude, but this. You're in the right spot. Spot. You really are a success story. And it's. I. It makes me feel good to hear a caller. Like, it really does.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And yeah, you're. You're. You're in for a little treat, pal. I can't wait till they, you know, they'll show you Real Housewives the things I know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But guys do the minute they get a girlfriend, they're like, watch all these female shows. They're like, totally. They become obsessed.

[Elders]

Vamp. Big Vampire Diaries. Guys, right now, hit us with another one. Actually give us something to go out on. Something fun to go out on.

[Caller 2]

LD Hi SC Eldis and esteemed guest. I have a quick one for you about a new guy I'm dating. I just want to get your advice. I'll get right to it. The guy I've been seeing for two months bought me a laptop that is approx. Worth approximately sixteen hundred dollars.

[Elders]

Okay.

[Caller 2]

And also he bought me an iPhone at the same time. And I don't know how much that was, but yeah, I felt kind of weird about it, but he was like, I just want you to be successful in your new job. And I think he has like a provider kink kind of thing. But I'm feeling weird and I love

[Bonnie McFarlane]

that everything gets put into a phrase.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

The guy's being. Being nice. Well, I guess he has a provider king.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah. Or the funniest one is when. When straight people start talking about breeding kinks.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh my God.

[Elders]

And they just mean nutting inside someone. It's like so you just mean the thing we were designed to do.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Biologically, it's like you're the one God particle. It's what just went into that woman.

[Elders]

You're the one. You're like actually breeding, you could say is actually not to say what's natural, unnatural. That's the only one that's not a kink. The people that just want to nut get nutted in and nut inside someone. You're the only one doing it. Like it's like yeah, of course. That's not like a. That's not like something you're into that just is sex. You're just describing sex. You can't any. But yes, provider gig. But I will say in this case spending three grand on someone you're dating for two months.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But listen, if the guy has a good job and he's into success, which it looks sounds like he is, is then he really is just like, maybe it's not that big of a deal to him to spend. And if he likes her and he's like, I want you to do well. Like, first of all, I think people just like spending money if they have it. If they have they look for ways to do it.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But anyway, let's see. Let's see if she gives.

[Caller 2]

What do you think from guy point of view is, is that normal? He also told me to let him know if I didn't want it within 15 days because that is the return return policy of the store he got it at. Okay.

[Elders]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Okay. So interesting. I'm glad she added that detail because, well, I mean, look, maybe it's not wasteful.

[Elders]

Maybe he's not wasteful. Yes. Look. Okay. As speaking as someone with money, who. And by the way, I do, like, if I'm dating somebody or if, like, I'm out with somebody, like, yeah, obviously I pay for stuff. Stuff. I get whatever I like to.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah. Pick up, I like to do.

[Elders]

I like doing all that stuff I take care of, like, you know, my friends, I, you know, my family, obviously all that stuff. In dating, though, I actually would probably be like, you know, again, if I buy, I pick up every check, whatever. And if we're go. You know, if we're traveling, I pay for stuff. But I'm saying in terms of big gifts, I think I actually would wait because it's the kind of thing where you're like, I wait, want. It's not that I care about spending money. It's that I want to make sure I'm not affecting this relationship.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right. Right. Did she say how long they'd been?

[Elders]

Two months.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, okay.

[Elders]

If I was dating. If I'm dating someone for a year and it's there and was it her birthday or did he just get it for her? He just got it for her. She mentioned the new job thing. So now. Yeah. Okay. If I'm dating somebody for a while and she has a new job and she's worried about her computer, I'll buy computer. Yeah, Right. If it's. If it's serious.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

If she won't fucking shut up about it.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If she shuts her fucking.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

If she finally gets off my dick about the one time I got hit on the road, I'll buy her a computer. But I need that in writing. I need that. It's never gonna come up again. In writing. No, I would buy. If I'm in a serious relationship with somebody and she mentions she's worried about her fucking iPad broke and she needs it for her fucking job or whatever, of course I buy it. It. Whatever. But if I'm two months in and we're still kind of in the courting phase and in the getting to know each other and what we were just talking about earlier, where it's like, you can be monogamously dating and it's not serious, if we're still in the not serious but monogamous phase, I'm not spending that much money. Not because it really matters to me, but because I don't want this to affect the way she views me or

[Bonnie McFarlane]

like, that's a very good point. I never thought of that.

[Elders]

She sees it as the way where it's like, I don't want to.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Feels like, I guess I'll stay with them a little longer either direction.

[Elders]

Right. I don't want her to feel guilty about it. I was thinking I don't want her to. I also want to feel like the person I'm with wants me for me.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

And I want the relationship to form and feel like a real true connection and not feel like this is somebody who's like, oh, I could probably get some nice shit. I just got to date this guy for a year.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

And I'll get my bills.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

My birthday's coming up. There's a.

[Elders]

If something is serious, I will do whatever for the people closest to me.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

But two months is two months.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, because I think, what did that guy think? If it were I was the guy, I would think, oh, she'll think, this is weird. Even if I wanted to do it, I might not do it just because I go, oh, it's too much too soon. Let me. Let me.

[Elders]

Unless you're the type of rich where 3. The difference between $30 and 30,000 is nothing. Buying a computer like it's a coffee is weird to me.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yeah.

[Elders]

So I. I see why she's a little weirded out, because, Yeah, I would. I think it's possible for a woman to be like, whoa, what the. This is kind of too fast. So.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Well, all she has to do now is, you know, not. Not see him for a while after. Yeah, after.

[Elders]

At day 16, say you want to break up.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes, yes, yes. And then watch his mind explode. Then you'll know what. What you're dealing with because you might be controlling. Like, it could be a lot of different things.

[Elders]

My hunch is, like, this is just.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

He wants to hook her in, putting

[Elders]

a down payment on the next. This is preparing for the first real argument.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

This is like, oh, you didn't have a problem when I bought you a MacBook.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You.

[Elders]

You know that that's what I'd be worried about. And again, we don't know this guy. He could just be a nice guy who actually is head over heels for this woman. And they're. So I'm saying, like, right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And it could be a story, you know? And they're like, you know, 12th wedding anniversary, like, bought me a computer. I was like, this guy's weird.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It is. Really. You have to figure out the guy.

[Elders]

You have to figure out the guy. And, and I do think this is a little weird. It is a little early. It does put you in a position to have to think things. Even at five or six months, you have a clear vision of who this person is.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

The fact that he said tell me

[Elders]

at day 15, that's pretty funny.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That's a controlling. Right.

[Elders]

I see. I read that as, he actually doesn't have money like that and he's like, hey, if you don't. But if this gesture isn't landed the way I want.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

I really, really could use the three grand.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right. But then that suggests to me that whole thing suggests that he's not as confident and like.

[Elders]

I agree. You cannot tell her to give you the, the laptop back if you make this move.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

You asking for the return.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Take it, leave it, give it to your friends. I don't care, you know, whatever you need to do with it.

[Elders]

Because now, now she does have to think about the financial ramifications.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Now it's not a gift like any other gift. Now, you know, oh, if I don't use this to its full now I'm costing him. So.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

And again, this guy might just be a pragmatic person.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

Who again might be.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, by the way.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah. And it's like, but, and he might really mean it like, hey, if this was weird to you and you don't want this, this, if you're going to give it back, just give it back so I can get my money back. And that is reasonable. But, but again, anytime you do these weird kind of gray area things where you're like, what's going on here?

[Bonnie McFarlane]

There's something not quite right about his thinking.

[Elders]

There is something off either way, even if his intentions are pure.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

It's like, oh, he should have thought

[Bonnie McFarlane]

that it was too soon. He should have known that he should

[Elders]

have offered a, A, A less sort of economically stressful way to support her during you John.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right. Right.

[Elders]

At her breakfast. This. But you know, get her, you know, get her, you know, whatever. Hire a cleaner for the week or first week. Make. Make or whatever.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Just. I just mean like, like, just like

[Elders]

buy her a, buy her a bag. Buy her a work bag. Yeah, get her like or get. I was trying to think of something pragmatic that's not flowers. That's like, oh, you're busy at work, late night at work. I'll pick up your dry clean. Support her in different ways that meet that show you're thoughtful as opposed to, to like dropping $3,000 when that you

[Bonnie McFarlane]

don't quite have that.

[Elders]

You don't exactly have that. I think is. But if you. If I assume by the time this girl's called in, the. The episode is out, we're well past the 15 days.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

So all you can do at this point is you've accepted the gift, it seems like.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

Just don't let it affect your relationship as much as possible. And the second this motherfucker, if you get in a. In a fight and he throws the laptop in your face, you give the laptop back and you get out of this person's life. That's. That's how I would handle it.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

I would say exactly the same thing, except keep the laptop.

[Elders]

Right, right, right. And that's. That's the duplicitous female mom.

[Caller 2]

I know.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You can't. You can't give it back. All your stuff is on him.

[Elders]

Keep you work off an external hard drive for the next couple months, just in case. But yeah, I think that's. I think that's our advice. All right.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

But he, like, even though there's something wrong with his thinking, it's like, he still could be a great guy. That just.

[Elders]

Still could be a great guy.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

That's quite.

[Elders]

No, and that's why I'm saying, like, you've. At this point, you've accepted it, you've made your bed.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Yes.

[Elders]

Honestly, probably what I would do. I mean, who's to say is like, this is very thoughtful, it's very sweet. I don't feel comfortable accepting this level of gift. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in you. It's just like, I just think it's too much.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Put pause on this for a bit.

[Elders]

Like, you know, I appreciate it, but I'm okay, whatever you like. I think that's, you know, and maybe the relationship survives that, maybe it doesn't, but it. But either way, you didn't do that. You accepted it. That's fine. And I think, again, totally fine. That's why you just try and have as normal relationship as possible. He's decided this is the kind of gift he wants to give you.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

Great.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

Just be normal. Don't let. Don't be weird about it. And if he starts being weird about it, you know, I think that's where you have to draw the line because that's. That's just step one of manipulate. Trying to earn. Trying to buy control of you.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Right.

[Elders]

Is.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Is like, she should definitely give him anal. Right? I mean, yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

Oh, of course. That goes without saying. Let him cheat. Basically. I have A. I have a. I have a formula that has that sort of like. It's got like Chuck E. Cheese tokens. When you spend enough money on women, women, it's like, get out of cheating, free anal.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Let me.

[Elders]

Let me kiss your friend while I jack off in the room. You know, there's different ways.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Is that a thing? I would do it. I gotta suggest that way.

[Elders]

Just think about different stuff. That's kind of cool. I would love to see a girl and you know, obviously, Let Me Jump in is the top one. But that's neither here nor there. You don't have to.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

No breeding kink, right?

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's so funny. I never heard that.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah, that's that people say they have a breeding kink. And it's like you're describing the most natural form of sex.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

It's in the Bible.

[Elders]

Anyway, good luck, sister Bonnie. Thank you so much.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Oh, thank you for having me. It was so fun.

[Elders]

That's going to do it for us, folks. Go see Bonnie. Follow her.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

You know my Instagram. Get on my Instagram.

[Elders]

Get on the ig. Follow Bonnie and we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye. Bye.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Bye.

[Caller 2]

You ever wake up at like 3am and your bed is just warm for no reason? Like, suddenly you're flipping your pillow, rotating like a rotisserie chicken, trying to find one cool spot that disappears immediately. At that point, you've kicked off the covers, adjusted the fan, maybe accepted your fate.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

And that's why Coop Sleep Goods made their cooling collection designed to stay cool

[Caller 2]

all night, not just for the first five minutes.

[Elders]

And right now it's 20% off, so

[Bonnie McFarlane]

you can retire the whole flip the

[Elders]

pillow 47 times routine.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Coops pillows are adjustable, breathable, and made to help keep things cool while you sleep.

[Caller 2]

Plus they have sheets and toppers, so

[Bonnie McFarlane]

your whole setup can change.

[Elders]

If your bed's been running a little

[Caller 2]

warm, this is your moment.

[Bonnie McFarlane]

Go to coopsleepgoods.com comedy, that's C O

[Caller 2]

O P sleepgoods.com comedy and get 20% off.

[Elders]

Hey, listeners, Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast+ on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastplus us to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.