#181 - Jaboukie Young-White

Summary

Stavvy's World Episode #181: Hanging Out with Jaboukie Young-White (May 18, 2026)

Episode Theme:
This week, comedian Stavros Halkias welcomes Jaboukie Young-White for a lively, deeply funny conversation that runs the gamut from fame and societal double-standards to messy immigrant family histories, European cultural dynamics, and listener calls for advice that spiral into philosophical explorations about sex, relationships, and adulthood.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

Fame, Hotness, and Society's Double-Standards

• Ice Spice’s Pop Stardom (02:00–06:00):

  • Stavros and Jaboukie riff on Ice Spice, the “apex of fame” as a hot, young woman in current society, drawing comparisons from Helen of Troy to Marilyn Monroe.
  • “Society wants to fuck you, basically… but that does make you the most famous person can be, I think.” — Stavros (02:53)
  • Reflective tone, blending humor and cultural critique; they see pop stardom as a fleeting, high-pressure role.

• The Power of Horniness as Motivation (06:10–07:30):

  • They joke about rechanneling “incel energy” positively—imagining vocational training led by attractive women as a way to inspire focus and respect.
  • “A jobs program, but with really hot ladies to get incels to both respect and understand that a hot woman knows more than you…” — Stavros (06:47)

European and Immigrant Family Culture

• Post-Tour Reflections: European Culture Shock (09:09–13:00):

  • Jaboukie recounts European tour stops in London, Paris, Berlin, and Dublin with Stav picking apart the “woke” and “pragmatically humorless” Berlin audience.
  • They compare Berlin’s hedonism and activists to Weimar Germany, and how “gender deviance” becomes a scapegoat for societal collapse.
  • “Berlin is like a gigantic museum. You’re not going to forget.” — Jaboukie (12:30)

• Greek & Jamaican Immigrant Upbringings (15:00–25:00):

  • Both comedians reflect on their parents’ immigrant stories, cultural hangups about tradition, family expectation, and the ability to “disagree and still have a good time.”
  • “You could be with a literally evil person—but as long as they don’t have actual power, who cares?” — Stavros (14:34)
  • Jaboukie shares his parents’ dramatic love story (meeting in Jamaica, switching fiancés last-minute), emphasizing how “messy love” has shifted in the social media era.

Modern Relationships: Dating, Sex, and Parental Dynamics

• Family Structure & Emotional Inheritance (25:00–47:30):

  • A revealing discussion about “bad dads,” immigrant guilt, imperfect but loving mothers, and the bittersweet journey towards empathizing with flawed parents.
  • “At the end of the day, it’s your dad. You just have empathy—for people who probably shouldn’t have had that much responsibility so young.” — Stavros (43:00)
  • Both recount years of estrangement and awkward family logistics (“who’s going to be home?”) that come out of complicated parent–child dynamics.

• Millennial Adulthood, Choice, and Plot-Free Living (46:30–49:00):

  • They discuss how this generation is the first to treat life with introspection, not just as a “series of checkpoints.”
  • “Everyone before us was very plot first… now we have the most time and the least resources, so we live like Greek and Jamaican millennials—just hanging out.” — Jaboukie (47:12)

The Journey of Stand-Up: Comedic Identity and Success

• Making Comedy a Calling (53:00–64:00):

  • Both comedians describe growing up as “comedy nerds”—memorizing jokes, telling sitcom plots at school—and share their comedic influences and early ambitions.
  • “Standup is just cracking up your friends—but we’ve commodified it; sometimes the purest joy is making people laugh in the moment.” — Stavros (55:21)
  • Honest reflections on creative one-dimensionality, stand-up as a “mirth factory,” and adjusting expectations as career breaks come (“success doesn’t make you happy”).

• New York vs. Chicago Comedy, and ‘Making It’ Fast (57:00–62:00):

  • Stories about open mic jealousy, the “industry plant” myth, and the toxic envy that can pervade the scene.
  • “Stand-up comedians are the most hateful people on earth.” — Jaboukie (57:11)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Cultural Chillness
  “Having a good time is at the top of the societal, like, hierarchy. You will have an excellent time. Hanging out is life.” — Stavros (18:45)

• Social Media’s Impact on Messiness
  “Now everyone has to have PR campaigns. Back then, you could just disappear—move, become someone else, start over. We need to be less connected so we can do more fucked up shit that makes us happy.” — Stavros (34:53)

• On Parental Pride and the Immigrant Dream
  “You need to start flipping their tactics back on them—whatever they did to you, do it to them. That’s the only way.” — Jaboukie (95:52)

• Gay Hookup Dilemma (Listener Call)
  “Are you a misogynist, happy to make a woman feel bad, but feel more guilty for another gay man? Or do you just not feel special, like you didn’t get to be the object of forbidden desire?” — Stavros (75:50)

• On Adult Friendship and Stand-Up’s Role
  “Why are there mics here, Jaboukie? Why aren’t we outside having coffee and talking about our dads and not pulling punches? That’s the real joy.” — Stavros (54:21)

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Listener Calls & Advice Highlights

[1:08:45] — “The Married Man on Grindr”

A caller wonders if it’s morally different to hook up with a married man pretending to be straight vs. one openly in a gay marriage.

• Big Laugh: Both hosts dissect the psychological and social underpinning—cheating, narrative crafting, “gay men as storytellers,” and the call’s lack of sexual “charge” when the spouse isn’t a woman.
• Jaboukie: “Gay guy cheating is so cowardly. All you had to do was one hard conversation, and you can’t even do that?”
• Stavros: “You are actually harming the patriarchy if you suck a straight guy’s dick. You’re scoring a point for the gay guys.”

[1:28:49] — “Insane Immigrant Parents and Money”

Listener’s dad marries a much-younger woman overseas; listener’s mom expects her adult children to subsidize her post-divorce lifestyle.

• Solution: “She’s got to get realistic. You can’t have pride and money. In capitalism, you have to pick!” — Jaboukie (93:40)

[1:35:00+] — “Retired Dom Seeks New Tricks”

A man calls in: his wife has chronic pain, but still wants dom-style sex. He asks for new “soft dom” techniques.

• Advice: “If all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail… learn finesse, tools, talk dirty, use toys, withhold pleasure. Now’s the time for technique, not force!” — Stavros (100:00–103:18)

[1:39:47] — “Am I a High-Functioning Drug Addict?”

Caller asks if his regular dabs and ADHD meds routine is sustainable.

• Candid admission: “You’re basically doing a safe speedball daily—Adderall and dabs. That’s fine now, but not forever. Pick a point to reset.” — Stavros (113:08)

[2:00:03] — “You Guys Helped My Brain Injury!”

Caller shares that after a concussion, the only thing he could do was "lie in a dark room and listen to the podcast".

• Stavros: “We’re gentle enough that even if thinking too hard gives you a migraine, we won’t challenge you at all, dude. Pure comfort food.” (121:08)

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Timestamps of Key Segments

• Ice Spice, Female Fame, and Society — 01:49–06:38
• Greek/Jamaican Culture & Family Stories — 15:25–25:37
• Parental Dynamics/Marriage & Children — 43:00–49:00
• Comedy Career Reflections and Jealousy — 53:32–64:00
• Listener Calls Segment — 68:33–122:43
  • Notable Calls: Married Man on Grindr (1:08:45), Twisted Tea Family Drama (1:28:49), Retired Dom (1:35:00), High Functioning Drug Addict (1:39:47), and Brain Injury Comfort (2:00:03)

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Episode Tone

• Loose, rowdy, and deeply irreverent but layered with surprising warmth and vulnerability.
• The playful banter, self-deprecation, and socio-cultural commentary are balanced by openness about pain, regret, generational disconnect, and the evolution of adult life.

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Quick Takeaways

• On Fame: Society always craves pretty girls—this is historic, and it shapes the top tier of fame.
• On Family: Messiness predates social media, but everything is more public now—fresh starts used to be easier.
• On Sex & Aging: Kinky sex in long-term relationships needs creativity and “finesse,” not just force.
• On Identity: Both hosts have a refreshingly honest perspective on growing up as comedy nerds in immigrant families, wrestling with parental flaws, and redefining what “success” or “happiness” means.
• On Advice: Sometimes you just need to hear the thing you’ve already deep down suspected—from someone who knows.

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For listeners who missed the episode: This one’s a whirlwind—raw, revealing, wildly funny, and peppered with just enough vulnerable self-dissection to keep it real. Jumoukie and Stavvy are never far from the next big tangent, but every bit shines a weird little light on some piece of modern growing-up.

Transcript

[A]

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[A]

Welcome everybody to Stavi's world. 904-800-stuff. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. On the couch today in the beautiful lower Manhattan temporary studios of Stavi's World, we have Jabouki Young White. Thanks for being here, Jabouki. Thank you for having us. Yeah, dude, we've had a lively discussion already. That's the thing. You. You don't get the good stuff. We. We really let loose before. Before the cameras start. Start rolling. But it's a gloomy day here in. In New York City. We're coming off a couple beautiful days.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And this is real podcasting weather. I couldn't bring myself the podcast when it was 80 degrees.

[B]

Oh. Oh, my God. You gotta get outside.

[A]

You gotta get in an outside. Gotta get in a tank top.

[B]

This is good. This is pensive.

[A]

Sit inside, think Muse a little bit Muse. Think about Ice Spice mostly, you know? Yeah. Shout out to her for holding it down at McDonald' McDonald's and then also

[B]

keeping brand awareness mid fight. That is so impressive. Like I aspire to that.

[A]

That is so. That's fucking beautiful. That. Yeah, that is beautiful. Held her own. And I'm back in. I liked seeing I, first of all, more than holding her own, the fact that she was in a McDonald's alone, ostensibly kind of late. I don't. I don't know. I just saw the video. I didn't really like, even really key in. I Didn't get the details but it's like I love that from a fucking. Because she's. She's not just famous, she's like young pop star starlet famous.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which is the. Which will be taken away from her. You know what I mean? Like that sucks. But that's how the world works.

[B]

Right?

[A]

But society like a young hot woman is like the most a famous a person can be. Because you're both famous and you just have the desires of being hot.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And like just like how everybody wants. Society wants to fuck you basically.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Is just commodifying you. But that does make you the most famous person can be, I think.

[B]

Yeah. Because it's fame on top of fame.

[A]

Fame on top of just being a hot woman.

[B]

You're already famous.

[A]

You're. Societally speaking, that is what. That's how fame started. Yeah. It was like Helen of Troy was just hot. Yeah. Right. Like she was famous. Cuz she was a piece like from the Odyssey.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like everyone else has like slay giant slayer. The man who could tell the future Apollo granted him. And then it's like she was just

[B]

a piece of ass that was a fucking bad.

[A]

She was a bad bitch. The type of. That'll start a war and into a world war. But that's it truly is. And even like growing up the pretty girl in class. Superstar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I know what it's like to be in a room with Taylor Swift. Because I know what it was like to be in a room with like the hot girl when I was like.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

When you're in second grade. And like that one girl who like hair is like done nice and she's like. And she's kind of polite. She kind of. She kind of was like a politician. Yes.

[B]

Because there's also like a weight to her.

[A]

Yes. Like.

[B]

Like she is really trying to hold it all together.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's. She's a symbol already. She's symbol. Yeah. We all. It's like we need. It's like. Yeah. The way they would. When they would send fudgeing Marilyn Monroe over for World War for like USO shows and shit. It's like that was for like dumb children. It was like the pretty girl who like can tap dance or something. You know what I mean? She just has like one random skill or it's. You know, she's into horses or whatever. Anyway. Yeah, there was a weight. There's a lot. You know from a young age you're carrying a lot on your shoulders. Big pressure. Big pressure. But yeah, I'M just so Ice Spices won me over again with the Afro Latino song and. And eating McDonald's by herself and having her cheeks out at SpongeBob, which was awesome. Respect. Being hot, looking like, like a piece of ass, right? Salute to her. Because I like to think there's one fat little boy who's just there to watch SpongeBob. And now she. She is in that night. There's at least one kid who went from caring about spongebob to caring about huge asses. And she started him for the rest of his life. And that's beautiful. There'll be a kid who, like, in his fucking. He'll be wearing a Patrick Star shirt and he'll be like, going to the premiere of SpongeBob changed my life. I'm addicted to. Just caked up.

[B]

He goes home and throws away all of his like, fuck my sister. I love video games.

[A]

Shut up, Mom.

[B]

I'm playing video games. All those stupid ass shirts. She's just like a walking coming of age.

[A]

Yeah. For real, for real. I mean, I try to think what would have happened to me if I 12 I saw Ice Spice in person. Changes my life forever. Probably because I don't think we had access to people, like, hot. The hottest woman I was around was just like a pretty hot girl in Greek town. It was like my fucking friend's older cousin, right? And that woman was again, celebrity starts with beauty. What if I see Ice vice when I'm 12, I think I go crazy. I think actually maybe it was too much. Maybe she drove a couple of children to insanity. Salute to her, though. I can't, you know, but then that's

[B]

good because she's kind of like steering them away from the manosphere.

[A]

True.

[B]

Because they're like, well, I can't hate women too much.

[A]

I hate women too much. They're so awesome. Is that the way we need to. I mean, I do think ultimately that is the path. That is the path, which this is a big part of this, this program. We're trying to get people to just channel horniness in a positive direction. And that's the thing. Get so horny, you see Ice Spice that you, you pick up a craft that you're like, I have. What could I do?

[B]

I gotta learn pottery.

[A]

I gotta learn. I gotta be a woodworker. I gotta learn at least poetry. Like, yes, find your thing and be. Yeah, maybe that's good.

[B]

Smithing something.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. A word. A jobs program, but with like really hot ladies to get incels to fucking, like both respect Understand that a hot woman knows more than you and can teach you stuff. If we send busty ladies to show incels how to fucking. How to be. Become metal workers, how to become fucking. What is that shit called? Welding.

[B]

Yes. Welders. Yes.

[A]

I think this is interesting. We'll put a pin in this. We'll. We'll settle this up. But what's up with. Anyway, that's just a little. What's going on with you overall? You're back from Europe. You're. How you live in now. How are you? How you. Are you excited for our sprint? The nice weather has got me excited.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How are you feeling? Where are you in your life? What are you looking forward to?

[B]

Allergies. Crazy, right? That's tough snorting Zyrtec. Like, I'm really trying to get through it, but I do love it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Love the warm weather fucking with that. I feel like this summer in New York, crazy.

[A]

I think so, too. There's something bubbling. Yeah, it's like something percolating that we

[B]

built up over the winter.

[A]

Yeah. Cause, yeah, Zoron, like, Zoron like the getting elected. It was cold. Yeah. No one's fucking freezing. It was too cold to get head, like, to like, to get. Because that would have been if that happened. If the inauguration. If he wins his. Like, if our elections are in the spring.

[B]

Oh, my God. That would have been July, baby.

[A]

Bo. Oh, that's a fucking. There's a New York City baby boom, dude. Happening for real, people. Yeah, that would have been fucking awesome.

[B]

So I do think the Ron freak off would have went crazy.

[A]

Hell yeah, dude. And I do think we're due for some. So that's like. That's a lot of potential energy that's going to get paid off.

[B]

Definitely.

[A]

You even felt it a little bit. If we had two more warm days this month, things would have gotten.

[B]

80 was crazy.

[A]

Tank tops in April was nice. And I know it is May now, folks, as you all know, it is mid May. Of course, we're just reminiscing about what happened a month ago. We're just reminiscing about a cool week a month ago.

[B]

Yeah, it was a great week.

[A]

And you were fucking. You were getting it in Europe. You're on tour now. We should say go see Jaboukie. He's got a couple dates. We don't know where exactly when. Just figure it out, man. Go to the website, go to the Instagram. It'll be there. It'll be there. But you were doing the Euro Tour, huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's nice, dude. Where'd you go? Did you like.

[B]

I loved it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I went to London, Paris, Berlin, and then Dublin.

[A]

Oh, that's a nice. Yeah, that's a nice one.

[B]

It was just gonna be London and Paris, and I was like, where else can I write off of my taxes?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It really is like. I think when John Marco was here, I was making fun of him for going to, like, India or. He's just going. He's doing stand up. Where I'm like, all right. I mean, I guess have fun. You're just going on vacation. Yeah. You're just seeing. You're just seeing shit you want, but those are some good. Those are the classics. Yeah. And Berlin is like. I don't know what everyone who talks about it. I don't. I can't place what it's like. Because you were saying, it's like a fudgeing. It's just a bunch of New York transplants, basically.

[B]

It was a lot of New York trends, but then it was also a lot of Germans, and it was interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They. That was like the wokest crowd I've ever performed for. My. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's like. That's the woke factory. Oh, is Berlin. Because it's. Because it's like so. I mean, and everything. It's like. It's so freaky. Like, the. Everything about the clubs. Yeah. The culture being, like, how many people go to, like, these insane clubs where wild shit is happening A ton.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like, that's what. That's like a huge industry in the city, and it's like getting like. People are in, like, a dungeon, like, you know, sucking each other off while shitting or whatever. And then they're also like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't be fucking. Yeah. Don't say that. That's kind of nuts.

[B]

It's not even, like, necessary necessarily, that it's like there's this American sensibility that we have where it's like, everything's up,

[A]

but we love it. Right.

[B]

And they're like, no.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You actually shouldn't love that. It's not funny at all. I understand maybe, like, gallows humor. You're trying to make the best of a situation, but you should fix that.

[A]

Right, Right. It's a pragmatism thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where they're like, don't joke about that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's actually serious. You should solve that.

[A]

That's fucking hilarious. Yeah. I don't. I don't. I have. No. Because. Wasn't also like, Berlin, like crazy. That's because everybody thinks that sort of like not the Nazis kind of like that's what you think of Germany in your head where you're like, when. For me anyway. Where you're like, oh, everything. Well, that's where Nazis come from. And before that they were just extra strength Nazis. But wasn't Berlin like crazy? Like chill or that's. It was like they were just on way ahead of the curve. Weimar, which is kind of why this crazy. Yeah.

[B]

When he got reelected, when Trump got reelected, I was like, I need to figure out what. What happened last time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like what. What was really like actually going on.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And I just started reading a bunch of about Weimar. I was like, okay. So that was just Bushwick.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was their cool. So, yeah. Basically we're just seeing what happened now is what started it. They just tried trans people in the 40s and then we got Hitler. And then they're like, all right, now that we're getting them going again, we got Hitler junior. Is that really what it is?

[B]

It's so interesting because I feel like people are always like, oh, like homosexuality or like gender deviance is always a sign of a falling empire. But what I think is like the empire starts crumbling and people are like, what are the faggots up to?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get in on a lot of ideas.

[B]

Like it. Everything's falling apart. Like, fuck it.

[A]

Bringing the sissies. I don't know.

[B]

Like, they're fun, they're having a good time.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

So I don't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was interesting though. But Berlin is like a gigantic museum. It's like, you're not going to forget.

[A]

Interesting. All right, maybe we'll fudgeing go. Yeah. I do want to go on a little fucking. A little just Euro tour because I always go to Greece. You know, my family from Greece. So it's like it kind of feels stupid to not go to Greece. I'm like, who gives a fuck about Germany?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I want to go to the beach. Like, I've never been to Greece. It's that crazy. That's fucking crazy.

[B]

It feels like there's so many different moments.

[A]

Greece is the best. Yeah. Because it's like everyone just does. I mean, I think what. And I think also getting back to why my psychology is like, like what I'm talking about. I have. I'm friends with some horrible people. It's. Greece is kind of like that where you're like, you can be with a literally evil person. Right? Like some. You're on some rich guy's boat who's a piece of. But he's a good time. And he's not. He's Greek. He's Greek and he's not. Everyone is always trying, even if they like. Like I met people who I met, like, you know, I met some, like, we're just. I'm up with some friends and they have like, through friends of friends, they're like connected to these like, kind of like finance bro types. And they were pumped to talk to Americans because they're like, oh, capitalists, right? These guys are gonna be fucking awesome. They're gonna love. And I start talking about how we don't have fucking healthcare and how despicable it is. And they're like, what the fuck?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like. They're expecting me to be like, yeah, yeah, fuck, I love inequality. You guys should come over and fudgeing. Just steal some of the money from the poor from us. But it is funny how like, Greek, like, like European capitalists see Americans, they're like, nice, dude. The real deals here. And so they were pissed when I'm a social. When I was talking about how no social, like, this is. Your quality of life is better than America. And then America, what are you fucking idiots talking about, right? They were mad. And here, once conservatives find out you're a socialist, they're like, well, I don't wanna be friends with you. You're destroy the world there. They're like, well, that's fucking gay that you think that. But let's get fucked up. Let's get fucked up and try and fuck some chicks and eat some fucking barbecued octopus. And that's the thing. It's like you can have a fundamental disagreement and they'll still be like, you're a bitch, but let's have a good time and you can still have fun and you can still be like, boy, you could actually still literally be friends. And as long as nobody has actual power, that's fine. As long as you can't actually change the world. I do think like, I'm like, who cares if this fucking idiot thinks something stupid? I have friends who think like, they can control the weather with their mind. I have friends who think they were abducted by fucking aliens. Like, I don't. I never stop them. And I'm like, it's problematic. You think aliens are real. It's like, if you think something fucked up, it's like, I'll call you stupid. And then as long as you're not harming Anyone, we can still smoke a joint on a boat.

[B]

And I feel like maybe that's why Europeans can be more chill about it, is because they all have this belief where it's like, I'm not going to ever really be the biggest person in the world or, like, be a rock star.

[A]

Well, it's a little more collective, too. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I also think they just have literally lived through civil wars. So they've literally lived like Greece fully had a fascist versus communist situation. Really. And, oh, dude, there was a 19 in. We're one of the, like, in this what the CIA has fucked up montage. Greece is like a might. Because they didn't assassinate anybody. They just deposed. We had a leader who wanted to socialize, who wanted to, like, nationalize our. Not that we have the kind of energy that other places do, but we just had a leader who wanted to kind of do what. What. How. How they. How the CIA assassinated. You know, most famously and most fucked up for our situation right now, Mossadegh in. In Iran, where he was like, oh, obviously we're nationalizing the oil. The British and the fucking powers that be don't get our oil. And then they, you know, deposed him. We had a. A military takeover in 67, and we had a democratically elected socialist who was like, hey, America. Like, you know, you guys are intervening when. When military takeovers happen. And they're like, oh, yeah. But, like, four fascists were intervening not for fucking social. So it's like, yeah, my fucking dad, he claimed, like, this is like, when people pretend to be cool, they're like, oh, yeah, I was a domestic terrorist. Like, my dad's like, yeah, I fucking. Yeah, I set off bombs against the fascists. I was cool. I don't believe him. Yeah, but it was like, you grew up being a fucking domestic terrorist or being a fucking bootlicker, right? And they're happy to fucking be those identities in a fucked up way. And you still are in a society together in a weird way where it's like, so you just had, like. So I think that's part of it. They, like, they did kill each other, like, in each. In Eastern Europe. And then you talk about fucking Yugoslavia, all that kind of shit. There were literally civil wars. And then they, like, got through them. Yeah. So they've did the worst part of it. Like, the thing we're worried about.

[B]

They, like, fought and they did it.

[A]

Like, they actually had violence within each other where we're like, fuck, I hope it doesn't erupt in civil war.

[B]

Right?

[A]

They did it so now they're like, well, we did it. Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I guess. Yeah, it does have to happen at a certain point.

[A]

Well, dude, I saw a really funny fucking. A really funny stat where it was like, no country over this BMI has ever had civil war. And they're like, we're safe.

[B]

We have to stop Ozempic right now.

[A]

We gotta get rid of it. GLP wants the powers that be invented GLP1s to make us not fat so we could have a civil war to create civil war. You heard it here first. We did it. Stop it. We figured it out. Put it down the needle. You know what's. So I literally believe that because we didn't have a cure for being fat for so long. And it's like. And they're like, as soon as Facebook bots. All right, we got it. Get this going. There's. They hate each other, but they're too fat to leave the house. All right, we got. Oh, I. I.

[C]

All right.

[A]

I guess we got to get them less fat. That's. That's genius, dude. We got to look into that.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That's. I think that's what's happened. But anyway, so it is. But. But that's. Yeah. Gre. You'll have a great. Basically, my point is just, like, you will have an incredible. Because having a good time is at the top.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of the societal, like, hierarchy. You will have an excellent time. Like, hanging out is the. I think that's what's made. That's in the way, like, my culture has formed me. My, like, you know, where I'm. Where my family's from. I think just being a guy that loves chilling first and foremost has helped me. But, I mean, I don't know Jamaica. Your. Your family's Jamaican?

[B]

Yes. That's also.

[A]

So I was gonna say it must be the vibe. I really want to go to Jamaica. I've never been to Jamaica. I really want to go. But it must be the vibes must be like that, where it seems like a great hangout. Like, just have a good time, place, huge chillers. Yeah. Huge.

[B]

Huge.

[A]

Huge.

[B]

I love that. Also, wait, doesn't my name mean blowjob in Greek?

[A]

Timbuki.

[B]

Okay. With an M. It's.

[A]

I guess the way I would spell it would be TS it's not a. It's not a sound that exists in America. It's like a. It's like a S. Jump. T, T, J. S. It's like a T and an S and a J somehow. Okay, so the bookie part okay.

[B]

Yeah, that's close.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And I'm fine with that. Yeah,

[B]

That's a positive association.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think people would like to hear that. You know what I mean? I think you'll find some guys that are excited that your name rhymes, like, you'd have a great time is all I'm saying. Yeah, no, it's the fucking. It fucking rules. But you. Did you go a lot? Did your fan. When did your. Your parents came here, like, when.

[B]

So my dad came here, like, late 80s, I think.

[A]

Okay. Same thing.

[B]

And then my mom came maybe like, 89, 90.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Sometime around.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. Hell, yeah. And it seems from all your. From like the. From your material and everything, that we're in a similar spot of, like, the greatest immigrant mom of all time who's, like, the sweetest person in the world, that saved your life, 100%. And, like, a. And your dad seems a little worse than mine just from, like, echolocation. Not that we're making it a bad dad contest, but I think you got. Because I've always said my dad is like. He is the best bad dad. Like, whenever. When people have bad dads, I'm like, I'm happy I had my dad, but he is the worst good dad. Like, that's kind of where my dad is. Where it's like, he wasn't. You know, we didn't go hungry. Yeah, he had some anger problems. Yeah, he yelled. He was like. The abuse was mostly not physical, so

[B]

it was like a no Bambok. Like, sort of.

[A]

And he's not, like, manipulative enough to really hurt your feelings. Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So even with, like, guilt. Yes, but it's also, like, guilt from, like, a. A guy who's not that good at pulling your strings.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's just like. So you see the play, he just brute forces it, or he just hits you over there with it over and over again. So it's like, you know, at the end of the day. Yeah, I have some psychological problems and I have some anger issues I have to get over now. But compared to some other stuff. Yeah, it's kind of. But still, like, even just seeing, like, an Instagram story with your mom, I'm like, that feels like she's connected. That. That feels like a variant of my mom seeing, like, a nice, smiling woman who still. At the same time, no. There are things you do that she hates, but she lets that go. You know what I mean? Like, my mom is. When my mom lets it. When I hear this, when she actually Is real with me. And she does hit me with a song. Are you ever gonna have a girlfriend? Like, she's even gone. She's off of grandkids now. She's like, just date a nice girl. You know what I mean? Like, when she shows me her disappointment.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

When it finally brought a girl home to her. Not since college. Like. And she loved my college girlfriend. And she met the last, like, really serious relationship I was in. She met her. But it was like we were in the pro. It was so up. We were in the process of breaking up.

[B]

Like, we could wait when she met her.

[A]

It's a really fucked up situation. And it, like, all the legit. Like, I do think there's a situation sometimes I think back and I'm like, wow, the logistics of that relationship. I think if, like, one thing goes different, we don't break up. But it was like everything kind of like we were getting in a fight. We actually were in Greece. And then I remember one time we were trying to rent a movie. And it to this day, I think, but we couldn't. It's like Greece and they have like, weird. It's. The hotel is like eight. They have like 20 options. Right. To this day, I think. And they were showing Mamma Mia At a movie theater. Right.

[B]

And I was like, they're just doing 365.

[A]

Exactly. I mean, it's like tourists that are like, mamma Mia. And so we missed it. And I was like, I'm sure we can get it in the room. Right. To this day, I think if we had watched Mamma Mia, I don't think we break up. Eventually we break up, probably, but I think the trip gets saved with the power of song. I really believe that because. But what we did instead was we had heard about. It was fucking fuck. What's the. It's a good movie. But it was so not. Sorry. It was. Sorry to bother you.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Which is a great movie. But it's not.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

When you're fighting with your girl on vacation, you don't want to think about, you know, you don't want, like, avant garde communist cinema. Cinema is not gonna be what, fucking what? Like, so we tried that. That didn't work. And then we watched Ocean's 8 and that had none of the magic of Ocean's 11. If we even got Ocean's 11. Maybe Ocean's 11 wins us, buys us two weeks. Right? Right. But to this day, sometimes I'm like, I bet you if we watch Mamma Mia and sang some abba I really think we would have gotten at least a six month extension on so anyway. But so the last and even. I mean but even my ex and my mom met in a precarious. She loved her too and she like kept. She would always be like oh I see she's doing this like she's really cutely would be like I watched you know her stuff and it was. You know she's really talented. Like my mom is a really beautiful like she kind of likes my exes more than me on some ways because they're obviously she loved my. You know how immigrant moms are. She would fucking kill somebody for me. But I just mean I just think she likes when a nice put together woman she just. And my mom all boys. I think you're the same three boys, right? I'm three boys.

[B]

Where do you fall?

[A]

I'm the oldest same. Oh, look at us. You know and I just think like she never got to scratch that itch with a girl. She never had a girl. I'm sure she wanted one. We had my cousin we didn't get to see as much on my mom's side the only girl we didn't get to see her as much as we wanted to. So I think there's like. I think that's what it is for her where she's like she just wants. Oh yeah. Like you know and she's great with both my sisters in law like they have. You know my mom's the best mother in law you could fucking hope for. She's not a bit, you know, she doesn't have that classic. She has some but she just wants.

[B]

She's being a little greedy.

[A]

She. Thank you. This episode is brought to you by Visible. Ah, spring is in the air. You know what I mean. The birds are chirping. We're wearing tank tops again. We got the shorts out. We got the thighs out. Time for some spring cleaning. We're cleaning that out that garage and finally tossing those mystery cords. But while you're clearing out that junk drawer, take a look at your wireless bill. You're gonna find junk of all sorts. Don't fall for the wireless traps tacked on fees, confusing bills and empty promises. Join Visible and cut out the nonsense. With Visible, you get unlimited 5G data and hotspot on Verizon's network for one flat cost. Just 25 bucks a month, taxes and fees included. It's everything you need and nothing you don't. Plus for a limited time, new members can get the Visible plan for just $20 a month for one year using code Fresh Start. Refresh your wireless bill with visible. Clean up that wireless bill, man. It's spring. Clean that baby. Switch [e-mail] terms apply. Limited, limited time offer subject to change. See visible.com for plan features and network management details. Starting something new isn't just hard, it can be terrifying. You know, Stavi's world, it was very scary. I left a very successful venture, the name of which I won't say because this is an advertisement where I was making a lot of money and I had to start completely over new feed. You know, I knew some people were going to be mad at me and I realized it was going to be a hard decision, but we wanted to start our own thing from scratch. That was hard to do. You know, we had to train someone who has no capabilities whatsoever to produce a podcast. It's. It's terrifying. Especially when you're starting a business. Starting something new is hard. That's why it helps to have a partner like Shopify by your side. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Death Wish Coffee and Magic Spoon to brands just getting started. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online online store that matches your brand style. Like I said, I have had Shopify. It's helped Stavi's world. All our merch goes through Shopify. It's helped me as just my personal, as a comedian, my personal merch. When we were selling, you know, T shirts, the calendar, of course we love Shopify. Our merch guy, our beautiful merch guy, Chris loves all. How easy it is to track all our sales, do everything off Shopify. It's time to turn those what ifs into sales with Shopify. Today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shop.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi that's shopify.com/stavi. Do you ever get that? Do you get the like, what are your, what are your brother situations? Are they.

[B]

No. So my youngest brother isn't dating anyone. My middle brother, like sort of is. But it's like a long distance thing.

[A]

And you're single right now?

[B]

No, I'm seeing.

[A]

Oh, you're seeing someone. Okay, nice. Since you've been for a while.

[B]

It's been like a few months.

[A]

Okay, so you're. We're. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's not jinx anything.

[B]

Yeah, yeah,

[A]

yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not at the level where Mom's getting involved, at least. Yes, yes, yes. I see, I see, I see. But, yeah, that's the. The. The. The. That's. That seems to be the like. And so they came. So they were already, like, married, or what was the situation when they came over? Your mom. They're both Jamaican and met in America or how did it go?

[B]

They. So they were engaged to separate people. Oh, my dad had already had my sister, who's, like, maybe 16 years older than me.

[A]

Like, much older than me. That's fucking.

[B]

He's, like, visiting Jamaica, and I think he's married to my sister's mom. My mom is engaged to a pilot and.

[A]

A pilot.

[B]

Yeah, right. I'm like, where is that guy now? Like, I want some free flight pilot

[A]

in, like, the fucking. We're talking the 90s. It's pretty good.

[B]

That's nice as fudge.

[A]

Pilot, Jamaica. 90s, right? I don't know.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

What was your dad up to? Was his job.

[B]

He might have still been working at a factory.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But he was back. My mom and my aunt were, like, being kind of messy, and my aunt was like, so, like, the wedding's coming up. Is there anyone that you would call off the wedding for? And my mom was like, I don't know. I mean, I guess if Condel, like, burst through the church doors, like, I'd

[A]

be like, oh, wow. Your mom's sitting there dreaming of a fucking. Of a, like, interruption of an 80s movie styling. Speak now. She's dreaming of Speak now not I do. Speak now and forever hold your peace is what she can't wait for.

[B]

My aunt was like, oh, interesting. And then she goes to my dad and she's like, Norma said that she would call off the.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

And then my dad goes over and is like, do you want to get married? And my mom was like, okay. And then my aunt lent her address and they got married at the church that day. And I did not know this until I was, like, 23, had just moved to New York and was, like, visiting my aunt in the Bronx.

[A]

And she's just telling you this like, it's a fun story. Yeah.

[B]

She was just like. Did your parents ever tell you, like, how everything happened? She was like, you know, it was me. Like, wow. She's like the oldest sister, dude.

[A]

That's insane. So they had dated before or something.

[B]

They grew up together.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

They've known each other since. They were, like, single digit.

[A]

Wow. And so your dad went off Had a kid. Yeah. Started a family. Was like, you know what? Rough draft. Rough draft. Let's get back. Let's get back to my roots. Who's the. Who's the pretty girl I grew up with?

[B]

I remember growing up, like, my sister's mom used to be so shady to us. Like, whenever we would see her things, and I'd be like, okay, whatever.

[A]

Like, yeah, she's kind of a. And now you're like, she's the most vindicated woman on Earth. Of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Imagine being this woman and having to see, like, three cute little boys.

[B]

And like, I'm like, girl, let's get a drink.

[C]

Like, let's.

[B]

Let's, like, let's dish. Like, let's just talk.

[A]

Oh, wow. You should become friends with her now. That's a very. Yeah. Just two people. Your dad has wrong.

[B]

Oh, that's great.

[A]

Oh, that's fucking crazy, dude. And you know what? That's beautiful because that's. The social media era has cost us those out of the blue insane moves.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Because your mom, now, today, they're liking each other's stories. They're occasionally cheating on their spouse. You know what I mean? They're occasionally hooking up. They have a messy situationship. This is the first time that I think situation is a real thing. Before I was just like, oh, that's just dating. But it is a type of. Sort of your quasi. It's like, quasi. Real quasi. Not. It exists online. It exists like most situations if you take dating or you take social media away. Don't exist. Because I think they're the light in my. The way I look at it is like that the lifeblood of a situationship is like, on a random day when you haven't even thought about this person at all, does one Instagram story lead to them being in your life for two months again? You know what I mean? It's not someone that you actually truly give a fuck about. It's just that you're constantly reminded of them because of, you know, how you don't really exist outside of the Internet anymore. Really. Or, like, people mainly exist on the Internet back then. Your mom's just thinking about him. It's building up.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Your aunt senses it. She says some wild shit, like being kind of a. And then, like, you get these explosive. Out of the blue. Out of the blue, like betrayals. Which we don't get anymore.

[B]

No, because it's also, like, you can come to terms with being a villain to, like, your immediate surroundings.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But now that's Gonna go on TikTok.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, you're like. That would be like.

[B]

You'd be the main character for the week.

[A]

No, no, you're right in that now everyone has to have. Have PR campaigns. Back then, it's like your dad wanted to fucking just marry your mom. And he was like, I'm doing it right, and then I'm fucking moving. I'm going to a different. Then. Even if people could get annoyed, I'm leaving the country and you never have to think about the evil you do ever again. That's another thing. Social media has forced us to see our mistakes forever. As opposed to being able to just be like, you know what? I'm a different guy now. And I think we should be able to like. I think the fact that you used to be able to take a car, a horse to a different town 30 miles away and say your name is now Jonathan and that you're a fucking classics professor, right? And everyone would be like, and now, yeah, I'll be teaching Latin here. And yeah, just pretend you're a Latin professor in Montana. And then you could live like that for 20 years. I think that's good that we were able to get unlimited fresh starts because people could just be like, you know what? I don't really want to be a piece of shit anymore. I want to be a learned gentleman. I'm not going to college. I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna buy a stove top

[B]

hat, a little bow tie.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna buy a bow tie and a vest and tell people I went from, you know, I'm a lettered man, but that's. Yeah, this is an old school thing that you let the feelings build up and you never have to actually deal with the social backlash. And I think we need. We need to be less connected so we can do more fucked up shit that makes us happy. Yes. Ultimate. Ultimate, ultimately, because now I think people. People really do think, like, everyone is a fucking. Everyone is a fucking, like, executive, and everyone is a pr. Everyone is a publicist. No one is just a person. And your parents were the definition of messy people who are like, I just want to do this more than anything. I know it's gonna fuck everything up, but I don't care. I'm just doing it. I'm just doing it. I'm leaving. That's fucking crazy, dude. That's fucking nuts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I got here and so they. So they get. They get married in Jamaica and then your dad comes over here first, you said.

[B]

So he was Already here.

[A]

He was already here. He's coming back.

[B]

Yeah, he was just like, they're missing for a little bit.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Which then makes it even more chaotic.

[A]

Even more. That's even crazier. That'll happen with Greek people too.

[C]

Where.

[A]

So, like, I know a lot of kids, my generation, where their dad is some fresh off the boat Greek guy who fucked their mom when she was on vacation and just got. And you know, they're not. They don't know about the. They don't know about the pull out method yet. So we got a couple, like a couple people who are like conceived on vacation in Greece. Like Greek American girls go over, you know, visit their cousins in the mountains, fuck some mountain boy and get pregnant. And they're like, well, guess you're coming to America now. That happens quite a bit.

[B]

And they just bring him.

[A]

Him, Just bring him.

[B]

Why? Just because of like traditional. Like, well, we're gonna raid this.

[A]

Well, yeah, it's like, it's kind of traditional. It's like, you know, because if we're talking about people my age than our fan, then my pants. Then our parents were talking about, you know, people who were. This, this shit's happening like the late 70s through the 80s type. So they're still kind of traditional. And it is a con it for all for how party and fun it is. It still is in weird ways a conservative culture.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Even though it's very open minded. It's like, like with traditions, like for example, it's just the kind of thing where it's conservative in that no one really believes in God or talks about the gospel's message or anything like that. But you have to go to church, you know what I mean? It's like that kind of thing where it's like you just kind of have to do it. We don't really believe. And probably each generation is getting less and less, but I guess so it's about. Traditions are very important. And I also think they have that thing that a lot of immigrants. I don't know if Jamaicans are the same way, where it's like, like we really want you to end up with a Greek girl. It'll be fine if you don't, you know, and neither of my brothers did. And no. And nobody ultimately gives a. And they're, you know, it's not like anybody looks down on them. But if I came home with a

[B]

Greek girl, yeah, they, they would be aesthetic.

[A]

Pumped. Yeah, pumped. So I think that was part of it where even to this day, sometimes like, like, like People. Greek people will just tell me, like, just go to Greece and find a wife, Lily. Just be like, go to Greece. Find a fucking village girl. Like, bring her back. Like, that's still viable for certain. Like, Greek town is still a. They basically, a bunch of Greek people created a village in a shitty neighborhood in Baltimore, and they all kind of. It is. Still has. It still stays a little traditional in that they're so connected to their version of what Greece is.

[B]

So is that number one Greek town in America?

[A]

No, no, we're probably. We're probably pretty low. I would say Astoria is pretty big. Oh, true, true. Detroit. I don't know if there's that many Greeks left, but they had the big diner culture. Chicago actually is a really big Greek town.

[B]

So many amazing Greek dinosaurs.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I thought that every diner was Greek until, like, I got a lot of them are, though.

[A]

That's the thing. It's like. That's the. That's the thing. It's like, if a place doesn't have good diners, that means there's no Greek people there, because we. We really do diners and just shitty eateries. Well, is. Did your parents go straight to Chicago or does that. Because you grew up. You grew up in Chicago, right?

[B]

My. My one uncle Hopewell.

[A]

Great name. Jamaicans crush names. Oh, so good. Hopewell.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

As a name. That's not even a phrase. Yes.

[B]

They have, like.

[A]

No, exactly. Let alone a name exactly.

[B]

Like, they get, like, the British, like, sounding whimsy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then also, like, the black creativity.

[A]

That's a great way to put it.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

Maybe that's what's confused me so much. I'm like, why am I enjoying something that is British coded? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

He was already there, and then my dad came and, like, joined him there. Yeah. And they. I think my uncle was like a barber or something. My dad was like, yeah, we'll do this. Oh, no, My dad had been doing that. He started, like, cutting hair when he was 12. He dropped out of school and started cutting hair.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cool.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

My dad dropped out. He was like an apprentice woodworker at, like, literally me. He dropped out of middle school.

[B]

Really?

[A]

So similar thing where he was just like, oh, I guess I'll just pick this and just never thought about it again. Just like, was a woodworker. Was like, yeah, I'm good. And he is good at it. But still, it's crazy how just people just like, yeah, this is my job now. Whatever. Now we're like, fuck everyone's like, rat. Like, fuck. What should I do? My dad just. I'll just get a job. That's fine. And just. I'll work and then I'll fucking get fucked up with my friends and play soccer and try and fuck tourists. Simple, nice life.

[B]

And he still is a woodworker.

[A]

Still is a woodworker. No retirement plan. Still. I'm still like, so how long are you doing that? You.

[C]

You.

[A]

You're like, not in great shape, bro.

[B]

What does he do? Like, he's.

[A]

Dude, he's an incredibly talented. Like, whatever you want to do, really.

[B]

Just build, dude.

[A]

He's. Yeah, his stuff's been like. Architectural Digest. Holy. He's built like. He's built stuff for like super. Yeah, like super rich people have. Like. He's made. He'll make bespoke anything you want.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

He's so talented. But he's just. And there is a path where he should just become like an Etsy store and make like. And just make like markup. Like, he can make like a coffee table.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he could just find design. He could just do dupe. You just make dupes out of wood.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

And he would make so much money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I did. There was a period of my life where I was like, hey, dude, I could. Once I. Once I graduated or dropped out of college, essentially, once I fake graduated college,

[B]

I count that as graduating.

[A]

They let me walk.

[B]

You self graduated, dude.

[A]

They let me put the cap on.

[B]

Okay, so you graduated.

[A]

Yeah, I picture me with the cap and gown. You. I graduated, but I was like, oh, I'll. Cause I didn't want to get a job because I knew I wanted to do comedy. And I was like 21. And I was like, look, I can work here. I'll make you a website. I'll market the fucking. Like, I was really like, we can actually have the thing. He always was like, why don't you ever want to work with me? And I called this bluff. And he was like, nah, I'm good. He just didn't want to do it. He was like, ah, I don't want to fucking do all that bullshit. And I think he didn't want the oversight. I think he was up to. He was up to some, let's just say Jamaican style monogamy. Monogamy activities. Greeks and Jamaicans have that in common. The culture of the flexible monogamy. With regards to the man, you know, it's like, I think he kind of. His workshop was base of his social operations because he had like a huge wood Shop with a little office and shit where I think he. There was a futon in there. It's like. Like, what do you need a futon for, pops? You know what I mean?

[B]

You're not nappy.

[A]

Why is there a box of wine? Why is there Franz in your mini fridge next to the brisk iced teas that you're. That you're paying Day. Labor Day. Yeah. That are like. It was so fucking. Anyway. But I always did think about, like, fuck, I wish. He just is so talented. But, you know, and I even was just like, dude, you should convert the garage into a small workshop and just fucking make little shit. But he just is addicted to his, you know, his way of, you know, whatever. But I'm trying to. I am trying to reconnect with my dad right now. And it's good. It's like, you know, just kind of an interesting.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, I. Because, you know, at the end of the day, it's your dad. And I don't know if you've gotten to the point of being like, just having, you know, just empathy for your parents where you're like, your lives were fucked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You shouldn't have. You shouldn't have had this much responsibility. You didn't know what the fuck you were doing.

[B]

And I also just think about, like me just upping and going somewhere.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can barely do the paperwork required to be an American.

[A]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[B]

Even this, I'm already like, right. This is too much.

[A]

Yeah. So, like, you're in a completely different country and you know what I mean, like, you at their age, starting the fuck over.

[B]

Right. I mean, I'm like approaching the age that they were when they had me and I'm like, I don't know how the fuck you guys did that. That's crazy.

[A]

No, that makes. Fuck. That makes a lot of sense. So, okay, so they come over here and you're. So where. What's the. You clearly are.

[B]

You.

[A]

Do you have a good relationship with your dad? How's it going now? No, no, no, not at all.

[B]

It is non existent.

[A]

Nice. It doesn't exist. Is he still. Did your parents split up or.

[B]

No, they're still together.

[A]

Oh, that's. That's so funny. Yeah, that. Yeah, you're kind of. It's so funny how you're mirroring. Because there was like. When my. When my parents were still together, there were years where I didn't speak to my dad before go talk to my mom and it was so weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So weird.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like. It's like when you're like. When. Like, your friend from college, you don't like their roommate, and you're like, is Frank gonna be there?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Last time you said he wasn't gonna be there, and I showed up, and you made me have lunch with him.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And I do have those conversations.

[B]

I do 100 have those conversations. Yeah, we're all, like, back in Chicago. She's like, do you want to come over? I'm like, is he there?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who's there? Yeah.

[B]

Who's all hanging out right now?

[A]

I know when you. It got to the point where I'd just be like, is he there or not, man? Yeah, just stop.

[B]

Yeah. Like, stop trying to trick me. Right?

[A]

I know.

[B]

Like, what do you think is gonna happen?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, both people are gonna be like, oh, awesome.

[A]

We've just complete. Both of us became completely different people since. Since the last time you tried this four months ago. Like, do you think that's what's gonna happen? Do you think I'm straight? He's not a fucking. I was like.

[B]

I think I'm like, you're leaning too much on your contributions to me. Like, there's also half of him in here.

[A]

Yeah. So, like, that's a great way to. That's so funny. That is so fucking hilarious, dude. Oh, so they stayed. I would have assumed they just kind of, you know. Well, like, is it the immigrant staying together that.

[B]

And then they've known each other for, like, 60 years.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You just, like, are not gonna.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, switch that up.

[A]

Yeah. They probably have a good thing. They got a good thing going, right?

[B]

Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And even if they don't, it's like an inexplicable thing going. You know what I mean?

[A]

It's like, yeah, maybe not good.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, I don't even establish exactly. It's so established, and it's, like, so familiar. I do the same thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I would.

[A]

Yeah. Are you. Are you thinking about that? You think about just staying in a

[B]

toxic marriage for, I feel like, 45 decades in.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I am, actually. I. I think I would. Yeah. I guess I just would never get to that point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's the thing that is very shocking about, like, I don't know what it was about. Why so many people just kind of. I guess people just didn't dream to think about anything better. Is it that simple? Is it just like, oh, well, you know, you fucking get married and then you fucking.

[B]

Well, I feel like our generation is the first to, like, seriously Take time and be like, am I enjoying my life?

[A]

Yeah. To even have that as a true thought. Yeah. Other than when you're on, like, a weekend trip, like, people would only let that sneak through when they're getting fucked. That's why. That's why there's that whole thing of, like, oh, when you. You're drunk. You say the craziest stuff. It's because no one was ever honest with themselves. So they just, like, gave. They gave themselves that window of like, I'm drunk. I hate everything about my life fundamentally. Ha ha, ha, ha. And then you go. Then you're hungover the next day, like, whoa, that was a crazy night. I said some stuff I didn't mean. Anyway, back to the office and my wife, who hates me. I think you're right. This is kind of the first time that that's even a thing.

[B]

Yeah. Like, everyone before us was very plot first, where it's like, I'm just getting to the next point.

[A]

Yeah. Life is just a series of checkpoints.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now. And it's a combination of we have the most time and also the least resources as a generation where it's like, we can't even have a lot of people who probably would just fucking. I'll get married and have a fucking. Like, they can't even. I mean, they're having kids. They can't afford them or whatever, but they can't afford a house. They can't afford this other shit. So people are like, all right. It kind of forces you to become like a island nation with a bad economy and just be like. Like, having a good time. When Greece. It's like, Greece. Or Jamaican millennials have to live like Greeks and Jamaicans.

[B]

We were born for this.

[A]

Yeah. We really. We were so ready for this. When I went to Greece in the middle of the economic crisis, everyone was pissed, but they were still getting fucked up and having a good time. It was crazy how much better the vibes were in Greece when everyone's pensions are getting slashed, no one can. People literally 18 through 40 can't find jobs. And everyone's just like. They're like. They act like how. Like, we would act if, like, it. It, like, you know, if it rained for three days in a row, like, they were like. They had the kind. They were like, as a nation, they were mad the way we'd be mad about bad weather. And it's like, that's fucking awesome, dude.

[B]

That's sick. I wish that for us.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's possible. I do Sometimes think about just going back, baby. I think about a Greek. A Greek retirement. That would be really nice. Did you go a lot? Did they. Did you go to Jamaica a lot?

[B]

So I went when I was five.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then, like when my third brother was born, it was like we were too broke for all that. So then, yeah, we didn't go back until I was 25 and I took my mom and my brothers.

[A]

Oh, that's cool.

[B]

And then I went back again a few more times after that, and I'm kind of overdue. I want to go again.

[A]

Yeah, dude, for sure. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I like. Yeah. I mean, there is. There's that thing. I found this thing where I'm like, like, oh, I love this play with Greece. I used to. You have a complicated relationship just because it's. You have all your family baggage. But then when you realize, like, oh, I can just come here by myself, right? I can just have a good ass time on the beach and, you know, whatever. You have a bunch of family there still or. No.

[B]

Yeah, a lot of family.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you should.

[B]

One of my uncles has like 40 kids and I'm not ex.

[A]

Respect. Respect. Real badman. Real rude boy. And the rude boy of the year goes. Goes to Hope. Well, Goes to Chauncey Hopewell Livingston iii. Oh, my God, that's awesome. Dude. I gotta check it out. I gotta. I do want to go to the Caribbean. I've just never. I think I went to Jamaica on like a senior trip and I got sun poisoning. And it was. And it was like. And like the least famous road rules. Like, the celebrity guest was like some guy who's on Real World and he was just like a grown man trying to fuck teenagers. It was like. Like it was the most disgusting trip I've ever been on. But, you know, I'm not gonna fault Jamaica for a weird teen. A teen resort thing where I saved all my money working at a telemarketing firm so that I could go. I was like, I'm gonna get pussy in Jamaica. It's gonna be awesome. And then I just got sun poisoning while everybody else did get pussy. It's actually still the way I think about Mamma Mia. And how different my life is if we get Mamma Mia. On that vacation with my ex. Sometimes I think, what if I didn't get sun poisoning? Because literally that night. That night would have been the night that changed my life, right? I would have been. I would have gotten. I would have gotten some head at 18 instead of in college, you know, I would Have. I think it would have solved everything for me.

[B]

That would have really set you off.

[A]

I really think so. I think it would have made me a. Less a person who cares about. Cause there is the, like. You just have to come to grips as an adult. As a straight adult man who's. As a recovering incel. Right? When you. This struggle is to be like, look, man, no matter what you do, you're never gonna go back in time and get pussy at 16. So just stop. You can fuck as many girls at 30, in your 30s as you want. It's never gonna make you cool in high school, right? But sometimes I do think, like, what if I just. And not even uncool. It's not like I wasn't cool. It's just like. I just couldn't get over the, like. You know, just like, I want. I just was so. I just felt like such an inadequate loser that. I think you spend a lot of your years trying to prove you're actually cool. And that's like this. What are you really getting out of this? You know what I mean? Like, so sometimes I think, like, what if I had. But what if I had just. What if I never even think about that and I got the fuck. And. And I've said this story before on the podcast, but all of my friends hooked up with somebody, and there was one chubby girl that nobody fucked. And I was like, it's cartoon rules. Everybody gets the one. Alvin. Alvin. The chipmunks girlfriends just looked like girl versions of them. There was like, some, like, kind of like. And she was. It was like. It was. It was hysterical. I was like, fuck. That literally is like. If you would draw my cartoon girlfriend. It's like a fucking tan girl with big titties and a little. I still think about her sometimes. Just a random.

[B]

Wait, so you never did?

[A]

I never did.

[B]

Oh, whoa.

[A]

The next day, they just, like, showed me pictures. They're like, dude, check it out. They like group pics with everybody. And they were like, dude, check out this girl. There was nobody to fuck her. You could have fucked her. And I literally have thought about that girl forever.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

It's just like a girl. I think I know. Lord knows I have no way of figuring this out. Probably. It's probably not looking too good if we're being honest for sure. I look like this and I'm rich. What do you think she fucking looks like? What do you think? My fucking Baltimore class, it was a different school. It wasn't our school, but, yeah. No, I'm not. I'm I'm doing better. I'm in a different situation.

[B]

You feel like you still would have done comedy?

[A]

I think I ultimately would have done comedy, but sometimes I'm like, would I have just been, like, a fucking, like, the most fun lawyer in Baltimore? You know what I mean? Like, would I have been the. Like. Because I also tried to do, like. Were you. Were you. Did you try and do anything before? Were you. I mean, you were really young. I feel like you were doing. You were getting shit going really young.

[B]

I started doing stand up when I was 19. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I wanted to be a lawyer for a long time. And then I took AP English and AP US my junior year. And I was like, okay, if this makes me want to kill myself, no. What am I gonna do in law school?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then I was like, let's start rethinking that.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But, yeah, that, like, funniest lawyer that really speaks to me.

[A]

I really.

[B]

You see it. Do you ever see, like, closeted stand up comedians out where you're like, they're happy. Yeah.

[A]

That's how life should be. Yeah. We have turned what should be the mirth you give your friends and family. We've commodified it. I really think it's a problem. I really do. My whole life is fucked up and I'm stuck. I can't change now, but I really think you're better off, like, even Joy. Truly. What? Standup is just like cracking up your friends podcast. I mean, we're not even doing stand up anymore. The economy is run on podcasts, which is just. Just having a pleasant convo with your friends and making each other laugh. Why aren't we just do. Why are there mics here, Jabouki? Why aren't we outside having fucking coffee and talking about our dads and not pulling any punches? Because the cameras are here. But we have made it, so our careers depend on this. And sometimes I think, like, yeah, I was so much happier when I wanted to get laughs because I'm pouring that energy into my community. You know what I mean? Like, I'm pouring that into making everybody happy. I'm looking to make people laugh. And, yeah, I'm scratching my selfish itch. Itch.

[B]

Yeah. But at the same time, it's mutually beneficial everywhere.

[A]

And now, obviously, there's very bad versions of that. Right When I got the guy who can't stop riffing. Tough guy. There's.

[B]

There's.

[A]

Yeah, they exist. But whatever you're gonna do, the best

[B]

case scenario is the guy who can't stop riffing. Knows he's bombing, but it's so compulsive for him that he has to keep going. And then it like kind of loops

[A]

back around to be funny again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like stop. Yeah. You could just be like, dude, we got it. And he can't help. Help himself. Those are funny guys. Yeah.

[B]

But that's really the only time I can accept it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When it's a. When it is like a type of Tourette's, right? When it just is a type of Tourette's. Yeah, yeah. Rift Tourette's is bad. Yeah. I don't know, dude. I do. I do think my life would have gone in a different. In a different direction, but I don't know. Do you ever feel that? Is there any kind of like, where do you even. What do you like, you know, were you always like creative growing up? Were you like, did you want to do like this? Were you into. What were you into at all? Cause for me it really was kind of. It is kind of sad how one note I am where it's like I was a comedy nerd. All I thought about was standup. I've dedicated my life to it. And all the time growing up I was like, this is a huge advantage and I do think it was in terms of doing what I love. But it's a disadvantage in that the rest of my life is kind of not as developed because I poured everything into that. So I don't know. How did you find. Cause again, you do. Yeah, you started doing it when you were 19 and now. I mean, I started when I was 19, but. But for 10 years no one cared about me. And you started when you were 19 and you did the Tonight show in like, you know, nine months. So we have different. And that's not me shitting on you. Even when we met, you know, like, I always thought you were funny because, you know, dude, when a 19 year old starts getting stuff, you know, open micros are trashing them.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

But I was a defender. Cause I was just like, this kid's funny, dude. It was like, yeah, stand up comedians

[B]

are the most hateful people on earth.

[A]

Well, because it's like there's no. Like, I actually, actually we might have met at Sydney and Marie's show in that hookah bar. Do you remember that?

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

This was like 10 years ago. Yeah, the Karma Karma Lounge. I think it was Karma Loud. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was Sydney and. Yeah, and because. Because I think, because you were big On Twitter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And everyone did. And by the way, when. When we. When I watched you, I was like, let's see how I feel about him. Because I wasn't going in hating. But if part of me was hoping you'd bomb. So I couldn't. So I couldn't. So I could join in and be, like, this industry plan piece of shit. You know what I mean? Like, don't get me wrong, I was looking to hate you, but I was just. But I would. But I at least was like, all right, I did this again. Pathetically. Being like, stand up, being funny matters more than anything. It's a pathetic code to have, but it is my code, and there's nothing I can do about it.

[B]

And I still kind of stand by that.

[A]

I do, too.

[B]

Like, then I also do think I'm like, there is something to being likable, and there is something to just being a crowd pleaser, for sure.

[A]

But that's also part of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, the fact that we're pretending that's not all part of it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like, yeah. When I was coming up, I hated energetic, great performers because I was a fat writer who just was just, like, had like a. I had to get through my 15 jokes in order.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And. And then I realized, like, no, don't hate. Like, learn from them. Yeah, they're not good writers. Fine. You're not a good performer. Fucking do. Like, the goal is to do. And also to find what's worthwhile in every other. In everybody's, like, style. Because I think when you start stand up, at least for me, you really just care about. You just want to be you. Like, the people who are exactly like you or who you've modeled yourself around. And then the more you get into it, you're like, no, I. Like, you realize, like, oh, no, I'm actually tired of. I want to be the best version of me. So I actually want to destroy everyone who's like me. And I need. And then I want to make friends with the best versions of whoever they are. Yes. You know what I mean? Like, and so I do think there's a shift that happens at. You know, for me, it was, like, literally 12 years into stand up. But anyway, so the point is, you're very good at getting me to just fucking not follow up on a question by asking me something. Feeding into my ego with good questions.

[B]

Also to feed into your ego. I feel like I love in the same way that you're like. I love watching people being like, what is the thing that they're really great at. You are so like embodied on stage.

[A]

I appreciate that. Thank you.

[B]

Really. And I feel like that's why you, like anytime you do crowd work. It's so lived in and I really appreciate that.

[A]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[B]

It's so impressive.

[A]

Thank you, man. That's my, my true goal. Like all I've tried to do with stand up is like my. What I'm trying to get to is be the exact same guy on and off. That's my, the, my. That's been my, like North Star with standup, where it's like, I want there to be no difference. Like I want to be. And actually you think what's going to be hard is to be as comfortable. The hard part is to be as comfortable off stage. On stage is easy. Yeah.

[B]

That's.

[A]

On stage is the fun.

[B]

You know everything you're gonna say.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. And it's like kind of melding, getting the. But I appreciate that because, like, I do think that's. That's what I'm chasing. That's what I'm just like. Cause I think at the end of the day, the superpower of standup is authenticity. There's a thousand better mediums. There's a thousand. Every medium is more artistically worthwhile. But you can. The thing we can do that other people can't do is legit is truly open up and in the room, in the moment, actually be a person you're connecting to. Not create a piece of art that later gets interacted with that you hoped some of that comes through. And it's still very hard for standup because it's very easy to be artificial and to just only chase the laugh or whatever. And it's hard to sometimes. And sometimes it goes the other way. Where sometimes I think some of these specials are too self referential, whatever. Are too about the performer, not about giving a good performance.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That can happen too. But I don't know. I do. I do think my main thing is always trying to be like, can I just be exactly the same guy?

[B]

I feel like you do a great job.

[A]

Thank you. I appreciate that. But. And you did it again in the middle of me telling you you're. You're doing a good job of not making me ask you questions. Everyone's always like, stuff talks too much this episode. They're gonna be like, cool. Jabouki interviewed stuff. I feel like you've talked like, you know, you're. You're getting. Getting me, dude. But yeah, I guess the question was just like Going back to that, like, yeah, what did you ever, what did you even see for yourself? Because I do feel like started going well for you so fast that you never even had to think about, what do I do if this doesn't work?

[B]

No, you know, no, I. I was a comedy nerd from like 8 years old. Like, I would watch the Comedy Central Presents, memorize jokes and then go to school before school. I would like try to slip jokes in a conversation and see if people would laugh. I would, would like, like I could watch Family Guy and so many other kids could not. So I would like watch Family Guy, memorize the plot of Family Guy and then be like, okay, so Meg is

[A]

doing this, but then Brian does this

[B]

and then Brian is like, like. And I would just recite Family Guy plots. I was just like obsessed with.

[A]

We had a South park kid like that. Really? When we couldn't get to South Park. Yeah, he told me what happened in South Park. Eldest actually, was that for me because his fucking parents let him watch whatever the fuck.

[B]

Yeah, they didn't give a fuck.

[A]

His parents were like, we survived. We fucking fled. We were, we were targets of the communist government in Albania. We don't care if he sees tits on tv. So Eldest was kind of my entry point. My mom was very overprotective, but his parents, I could watch whatever at his house. Yeah, I remember one time I was

[B]

in my mom's room with her and I was just like watching south park

[A]

on her bed on the TV in there.

[B]

And my landlord is just like swings by saying hi.

[A]

He's chatting with her, just like doing her. And you're like 9?

[B]

Yeah, I was like 10 years old. Like young as fuck.

[A]

She's just like doing her hair in

[B]

the mirror and like chatting with him.

[A]

And then he kept like looking over at me.

[B]

He was like, you know, he really

[A]

shouldn't be watching that. And my mom either like didn't understand or didn't care.

[B]

Didn't like pick up the nuance of

[A]

like his concern for a little child watching South Park.

[B]

He said it a couple more times as she like kept talking. And I was like, shut the up. Let me be over here.

[A]

Yeah, he so funny. One time he also snitched on me cuz I was like just watching Titanic. When he like came by. It's just like rose his tits around. I was just like. And he like did tell my parents about that. I was like, what the. What a narc. I know that's. Elvis was big on kill all landlords. Elvis was a fuck Eldest was a Maoist before he knew it because the landlord tried to stop him from looking at tits. Yeah. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, dude, that's fucking. That, that. So you. You just had that going and then, you know, that's. That's fun, though. So. So I guess that kind of. That probably is probably happening to you now, where you're like, what the fuck do I even want my life to look like?

[B]

Yeah. I thought that, like, now would be the time where it'd be like, okay, maybe like, by 30, I'll start getting, like, you know, acting roles. Maybe I'll get my first writing job or something.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

Yeah. So I don't know. Yeah, I'm just like, my goal was I want to be able to make a living doing comedy.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

And I did that same.

[A]

Yeah. Where I was like, I hope I can make 70 grand a year working the shittiest clubs in America. Yeah. That was all I ever hoped for. So it is like. Yeah. Now you're like. Now you have to ascribe meaning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To your life where you're like, oh, success doesn't make you happy.

[B]

Well, it was.

[A]

Doesn't really, does it? Yeah.

[B]

It wasn't until I learned about, like, the alt comedy Brooklyn scene and like, the early 2000 and tens, mid 2000 and tens, where I was like, oh, so I could for real do this. If we're doing this, like liberal art,

[A]

closeted Jamaican in Chicago. Here's about old comedy. Here's about the American Apparel hoodie, hoodie era of comedy. Oh, you must have been salivating.

[B]

I was so ready to go to Brooklyn. I was so ready. And it was so funny because by the time I got here, I like you.

[A]

You left immediately.

[B]

Did you move when I got to Brooklyn?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was here for like a year.

[A]

I feel like I met you at that show. I was like, oh, that kid's cool, actually. And then by the time I even knew it, you were like, in LA already. But you're here now, baby. Hey, if some's been off in the bedroom, you're not the only one. A lot of guys wait longer than they need to take action. The difference now, getting real treatment is simple and through Hims, it's 100% online. Hims connects you with licensed healthcare providers online, giving you simple access to legitimate ED treatment options from home. No awkward appointments, no pharmacy lines. Just complete a simple online intake and a provider will review your information to determine if treatment is right for you. If prescribed, your treatment ships directly to your door. In discreet packaging. To get simple online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss, and more, visit hims.comstavi that's hims.comstavi for your free online visit hims.comtavi Prescription required. See website for details and important safety information. Sildenafil is the generic version of Viagra. Viagra is a registered trademark of Viatris Specialty, llc. HIMS is not affiliated with or endorsed by Viatris. Look, I grew up in Baltimore. I'm familiar with a water bug, a cockroach, whatever you want to call it. It years of growing up poor, though still, when I see them, it does give me the damn heebie jeebies. Okay? Thankfully, Pesti is a do it yourself pest control that makes protecting your home simple and effective. Pesti gets rid of over 100 types of bugs. Spiders, ants, roaches, scorpions, whatever. Their DIY kit includes a sprayer, mixing bag, pesticide gloves, and instructions you can complete in less than 10 minutes. With Pesti, you can get started at just $35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your location, bugs and climate. Plus, Pesti offers a 100% bug free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you don't gotta pay. Look, I've been in some weird, bad living situations. One bug turns into 10, turns into a hundred, turns into God knows how many. When I moved into my new spot, I saw one cockroach. I hit Pesti immediately. The problem went away. I can't tell you how good it felt to not have to worry about this anymore, knowing that I was gonna take action and not have this be the kind of thing that annoys me. I had a moth infestation. I threw away a weird rug, got pesty. We were in the clear. You're gonna love it. Keep the bugs away with Pesti. Go to pesti.comstavi for an extra 10% off your order. That's P S T-I E.comstavi for an extra ten percent off. Why don't we. Why don't we try and ascribe some meaning into our dull lives into our meaningless existence by helping. Helping our callers? What do you say? What do you say, Jabouki?

[B]

I love these clips.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's get in there. And in the meantime, go see Jaboukie on tour. We'll. We'll post this stuff. We're reminding you here. Go, go check them out. See. Follow him on Instagram. All that stuff. Hit us with a call here, L.D.

[C]

hey, Sav. Hey, Elvis. Hello, gorgeous guests. I have a situation here I'm curious to get your opinion on. So, recently, I was talking to this guy on Grindr, talking about coming over to give him some head.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

He sends me a dick pic. I am down. He won't send me a fake picture. He says he's down low and attached. So straight married, cheating on his wife.

[A]

Sure, none of your business.

[C]

Kind of up with me, but I'm still down.

[A]

AKA none of your business. Get in the ultima and suck his dick and shut the up.

[B]

So he does kind of address this point.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[C]

Obviously kind of up with me, but I'm still down. I ended up getting a face picture out of him. My moral justification for this is that he's got to explore his queer side. It's something he's not getting out of his marriage. He's going to be doing it with someone else else if it's not me.

[A]

Right.

[C]

Also, I'm just really horny.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Let's find, you know, making just for it. So I go over there to his house, and we all know, by the

[A]

way, it's really hard to find people to blow anonymously.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That aren't married. Oh, boy. You would have to do this two more times.

[B]

The other thing, too, is people will say that, and they're lying. They're chopped. And they're trying. And they're trying to do, like. They're trying to paint a picture and a narrative so they could, like, boost what really is. Not that that makes sense. 100.

[A]

Like, oh, that's genius, Mark. You want to talk about genius marketing? Call back to when the cameras weren't rolling. Like, why the are they laughing at that, you guys? Sorry, but no. You want to talk about genius, Mark, if you have a bad prop product now, you can say, if I show this guy my face, I might not get head. But if I tell him, sorry, I'm, you know, I'm figuring stuff out, you know, my wife, whatever. And he gets there, and I'm ugly. He's already there, right? If you're there, you're gonna suck his dick and be like, God, dick. That's what's cool about gay guys.

[B]

Well, and the other thing, too, is, like, it's social proof. It's like, well, she thought he was hot enough to marry him. So, like, I mean, I guess, like, he has a family.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He has some. He has some societal value. That's really funny that these guys lie about that. Okay. Interesting. Is there more to this? Elvis?

[C]

He's acting super weird. I kind of want to leave right off the bat, honestly. He's kind of freaking out. He's like, you might have to leave out the back door. If we hear the car come up the driveway and his dog is super cute, I'm like, damn. This is where he lives with his wife and his dog and kind of fall. I don't leave though. I'm like, I already said I would come here and do this. I'm already here. Let's do it. So we're getting into it. I'm stuck in his dick.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

I look over to the living room and I see a photo of him and his partner in a frame on the living room table. And it's a man.

[B]

What did I say? What did I say? I called this. I knew it.

[A]

And when he said his dog was

[B]

there, I was like, a bit. It's a Jack Russell terrier.

[A]

I bet I know what the.

[B]

Like, I do it, I do it,

[A]

I do it, I do it, I

[B]

do it, I do it.

[A]

Hey, hey, come on. Gay men can still cheat. Let's. Let's not get so woke that we're homophobic, all right? Impossible for gay men to cheat. It's rare. It's rare. This guy is the one gay guy in America in a non open marriage marriage. But maybe that's what's. Maybe you can be a traditional gay scumbag, you know, it's not just for straight guys. That's really funny.

[B]

Think that the husband was in the closet, like jerking off, watching the entire thing.

[A]

Like, he's asking for my face. Tell him you're married to a girl. His husband's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We don't want. This

[B]

guy works at Palantir and is afraid of his like nudes getting out or something like that.

[A]

I bet you there's so many. So much more of that gonna start happening. People lying about being ICE and Palantir and all this shit. I hope so. Anyway. Fuck the. All those people should. I won't say what should happen to people that work for ICE and Palantir, but something should happen to them. Let's keep going. Eldis.

[C]

He's gay married. He's not straight married. I immediately feel sick to my toes.

[A]

Inspiration is awesome.

[C]

Pick to my stomach.

[A]

I don't leave even that.

[C]

I still finish.

[A]

Oh my God.

[C]

Picked my stomach. I don't leave even then. I still finish what I'm doing in

[A]

your mid suck job.

[C]

I leave feeling like a Big piece of shit. Just feeling gross about myself. So I guess I'm wondering, am I. Am I stupid for thinking that there's a difference between, like, their moral gray area between the gay cheating and the straight cheating? This is awesome because I left there being like, why. You know, why did I feel so much worse knowing that he was actually married to a man? It's still cheating at the end of the day. Anyways, let me know what you think.

[A]

This is an awesome philosophical quandary. Oh, my God. Okay, okay. Okay. I have a couple angles. Do you have anything you want to jump in on? Okay.

[B]

This is so, like, psychologically rich.

[A]

It's so rich. So first of all, let's start with this. The whole. Well, maybe he's finding himself. Let's throw that out the fucking. Yeah, no, that does. You know, that's. So let's just. Let's just take it from, you know, you. There's no. The difference here isn't going to be that you're maybe helping a closeted man figure his out. Out. This. This was not a. This guy has a system. Even if this is a guy, he's on Grindr.

[B]

Yeah, he's.

[A]

No, he's saying part. He's saying he's using Gay link, like hookup app Ling. This is not his first. Maybe if you met a shy guy and, like, you had a weird, like, kind of thing at the office and he showed some interest and you had like a kind of cute. You suck him. You suck his dick and he busts so fast like, this guy's gay. Maybe. Maybe you could say, you know, if it comes up kind of naturally, without meaning to, sort of like romantic comedy style, maybe you have a leg to stand on there, and he's never done it, you know, whatever. And he's really experimenting. Maybe that, but other than that, I don't think so. So now we're just discussing. Why does it make you feel worse that you now maybe. Is it, you know, is this you Maybe. Are you a misogynist? Were you happy to feel make a woman feel bad, but didn't want to make another gay guy feel bad? That's one angle. That's one possible angle. Other than that, is it that you don't feel as special, that you don't feel like. It was like, well, he fucking. He gets sucked by guys all the time. By his husband.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

When you're like. When you're the, like, oh, you're the object of his uncontrollable sexual passion, that he's risking his and you know what? This is sort of like. Like, the other angle is you are destroying traditional values by sucking a married guy's dick. You are actually. You are actually harming the patriarchy and the like in a way where, like, tangibly score one for the gay guys when you suck off a married straight guy, right? That maybe that's it. Maybe you're like, what the fuck? We didn't even get a point. We didn't even get a point on straight people. Now you're just. Now you're just a side bitch. And you have your usual standards. Ooh, Your usual standards. You've let this guy. The fantasy of being the tantalizing hookup for him that goes against his whole way of life. You let him. You. It sounds like this guy usually needs a face pic, needs more info, needs whatever. You let go of all of that for the promise of being. It's charged to you to be this object of desire that he can't help himself. Whereas, like, if he's gay, he's just cheating.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You know what I mean? You're just a fuck. You're just someone who came over and sucked an anonymous guy's dick with. And by the way, who cares? But also that to me, some. Some of these ideas are percolating up for me. Yes. Yes.

[B]

I think that along with the gay guy cheating thing, it's like that situation specifically, it's so unsexy, because gay guy cheating is so cowardly. Because it's like, you guys are probably already some version of open, and all you had to do was have one difficult conversation, and you don't even want to do that. Like, come on. Like, there's not that many stakes.

[A]

There's no kids.

[B]

It's just a dog. Like, what are you really losing?

[A]

Totally.

[B]

I also need to know what this location is. Like, it depends on where in the country this is.

[A]

That's a great point. Do we have. Do we have a area code? Eldest. And of course, area codes mean nothing. I still have, but you know. And we'll bleep this out. This is just for us.

[B]

Yes, we are in.

[A]

Oh, come on.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Ton of gay people over there.

[B]

Yeah, there is, but then I'm also thinking of the grid, and it's like, how would he be able to get away with it? Like, if he's in the gay community at all? Like, his friends might see. Or, like, what was his profile?

[A]

Cowardly cheat. That's so funny to call it. Cow. You're right. There's no stakes here. No, like, if. If his hus. If his wife comes in and you're sucking his dick, she's like, ah, she's. She's breaking. How could you? His husband comes in, he's like, eric, are you serious, man? Yeah. You're getting your dicks. I thought I was supposed to cheat today. Today's my cheating day. He's like, I know, but I just really wanted my dick sucked. And you just got your wisdom teeth out and you're not allowed to suck dick for another week. So it's the difference between like an earth shattering, gay guys loving drama. It's the difference between true drama and like just going to the dmv.

[B]

This is my other thing too, in terms of drama. Is the guy feeling stupid because he was mad that it wasn't a woman? It's like, no, you're stupid because you couldn't tell that this guy was acting and like, was like, wait, no, wait. Listen for the car. Listen for the. It's like, that's a gay guy. That's a gay guy. Yeah, like you're falling for it, like.

[A]

And then also you do the. He sends you a live picture of his dick. You pressed it and there's Gloria Estefan behind it. He says in his show tune, the live pic just fucking has the fucking. The fucking. Think of a fucking musical chorus line. Is that one. It says that playing in the background. You're like, oh, this guy's straight as hell. Yeah.

[B]

No, there's like a fucking Eames chair and shit, like in the living room. Like there's just like stainless steel countertops and like everything's so cold. Like there's no.

[A]

There's no wine. It's wine o' clock somewhere signs. There's no. There's no. There's no framed Taylor Swift albums on the wall. There's no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a, that's a great point. So, yeah, what was his question? Does he. Is he wrong for feeling this way or just. Yeah, he's wondering if there's like, what are the moral implications of like feeling

[B]

more hurt that you know, the guy

[A]

is gay married, not straight married.

[B]

Well then, you know what I think is to his point, like, is something real? Is that if a guy was straight married, then it's like, well, this is all a ruse to begin with and I'm experiencing the only real thing that he has. Whereas if it's a gay marriage, then it's like, oh, but he's supposed to really be in love with this guy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I think there's that and it's

[A]

like, it's like, yeah, you're now, now the way we're saying before cheating on a woman's sucking a woman's husband's dick is scoring one for the straight for the gay guys. Now it's gay on gay crime. You know what I mean? Now you're. Now you're breaking. Now you're breaking the. You know, you're breaking the heart of some fuck. You know, I don't know who this guy's husband is. Some, some, some chasing buttigieg style guy, you know, whatever the fuck that guy

[B]

is smiling with his Warby Parkers on. So sincere.

[A]

I know. And the fact. And it also could be now another element is now what if he does go in there and it is what we were making fun of. It does have the fucking in the wine o' clock somewhere. It is. What if not only did you cheat with a guy who is gay, he's a corny. What if you sucked off a guy who works for. He's gay, but he works for Deloitte? Because at least if you were cheating with a gay guy, it's like, all right, he's wearing a mesh tank top, right? He's got. I'm looking at. If there's a fun art installation, we're listening to some fun music. But you are listening to fucking. You know what I mean? You're. You're Michael Buble is playing. You know what I mean? What if you. Now maybe that's part of it. You are again, you're down to do to suck a corny guy's dick. If this is the real. The realness. But now you found somebody who he. His reality. You are the most disposable thing in his reality. And his reality is embarrassing to be a part of. That's another element.

[B]

And I think the other thing too is every gay man, when he gets on an app, he is first and foremost a storyteller.

[A]

Crafting a narrative.

[B]

Yeah, crafting his own narrative. Right when he gets a picture, he's crafting a narrative about that person. It's like, right, that's all you have during a hookup. So like.

[A]

Right, so you don't know them. Oh, right.

[B]

It's like, what else are you going off of?

[A]

Like, it either has to purely be

[B]

what you are looking at body wise or like some narrative that you have cooked up so like they could make one.

[A]

I really would have thought it's pure body most. For most people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Again, salute the gay guys and their creativity for having to craft the narrative where it's like. I would assume it's like nice. I'm gonna suck that guy's dick and not even think this deeply about it. But you know, this is nice. I'm a little. I'm learning, you know. Yeah. Cause I Cause gay guy. Cause when you. When you try and put your. When as a straight guy you try and conceive of what gay hookup culture is, it's so hard not to think. Like that's so sick. Because it's like. Cause it's like you're so hard. Not just to be like. Cause what I'm imagining is just like. Like a hundred hot girls want to me. You know what I mean? And it's like that is all the idea that that's pos. And I don't even have to. I just show them a picture of my dick. Yeah. That's all I have to do in the hot.

[B]

Is that for you? Because you're straight, you know, so you have that narrative, right? I guess that's true. Like you could have pulled that guy so easy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I mean he listens so he maybe wants to.

[A]

Like that's true. That is true. Like I probably could get this guy to suck my dick.

[B]

Right.

[A]

No disrespect. So I don't. I know my callers are my friends first and foremost. I don't mean to sexualize you that blatantly.

[B]

Like every straight guy is like you have a six month window where you could probably fuck some of the hottest gay men in the world just off the strength of being straight. And a lot of gay men will try to pretend like that's not true and that they have self esteem higher than that. That and you might be the select few that that's true for. But there are so many where that's not true.

[A]

Where it's like a feather in your cap exactly. To like, like the way like, like what you'll hear like got misogynists talk about lesbians who like they just haven't had the right dick yet. It's basically a gay guy being like he hasn't had the right. Right, exactly.

[B]

And they'll be like, okay, I'm gonna be the one.

[A]

So that might be. That's another element here. A fundamental element of this is that yes, you've lost that. And now it's just some gay guy because now you just suck some gay guys pedestrian. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Just plain.

[A]

Wow. But you know what I will say about our caller here, he really gave us a lot There was a lot of meat on that boat.

[B]

That was great.

[A]

That's a lot of. That's a lot. Great quandary. Salute to you, my friend. And, you know, hopefully you're. You're sucking off either, you know, cooler gay guys or, you know, just straight men who really are harming their wife by hooking up with you, man.

[B]

Or maybe he met the husband and, you know, equally as hot and he loves true. Hooking up with both of them.

[A]

That's fun. That would be good. That's another. That's a. That's another huge element of gay culture I'm very jealous of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Imagine if there was just. And again, this doesn't work because you're all the same guy.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Like, whatever. It's. But I'm like, damn, what if I could just. Just two hot girls were dating and I could just. Both and I could just be like. They're like. And then they date me together sometimes, like gay guys. That seems fun.

[B]

I have a friend who did that. And then the two women ended up getting married and then he was.

[A]

I would love that. Are you kidding me? I would do their vows. I would be crying harder than their mothers at their wedding if that happened. I would be touched. That would take a. You understand how much. What a load off that would take for me. I would be like, I got to fuck them for a year. And now they're like, now they pay their own bills. I would be like, Martha and Julia, you and your love inspires me. I would be bawling at the reception. I think I would be. I didn't cry at my brother's wedding. I would cry at their wedding, dude. Without question. That would be. That would be the most. If my. If. If two bi girls were. Got. Let me be there, like kind of off and again, off again, boyfriend for a year and then they got married. That would be the greatest honor of my life that I would be. Oh, I'm literally like tearing up thinking about that. You know what? Let's make it happen, man. I really do have the little boy fantasy of like pulling the Lou Williams and having two girlfriends. I just want. It's just so stupid to just be like. But it just seems fun. Yeah, it seems awesome. And again, gay guys figure that out. They'll just. You guys got all kinds of like. Like different setups. You know what I mean? There's the.

[B]

The feels so uniquely gay, though. Like, I don't think there is any other configuration that works.

[A]

No.

[B]

Of like people.

[A]

Yeah. The thruffle's so be It's a beautiful. It's like a perpetual motion machine, you know, it's like the physics are so beautiful on a gay throuple where it's like it never. It's clean energy. Someone's always getting. Someone's always sucking someone. Someone's always, always mad. Someone's always getting heads. You know what I mean? It's like someone's always doing.

[B]

Perfectly self contained.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's always paying bills. Like there's one guy's always has a. It's beautiful. Anyway, another question for us here. LD or is it. Oh no, that's for you. I mean Jabou can wear it. You want the Twisted fitted? Yeah,

[B]

Keep it twisted. Oh, that's sick.

[A]

It's time for the motherfucking fucked up ass question of the fucking week. Brought to you by our friends at Twisted Tea. Sorry, let me, let me get some ice cold, delicious twisted tea right here. Ah, that's fucking good. What do we got, Elvis? What's the call this week? Hey, Sav. An honored guest. My family's insane, so I'd love some advice. This year my dad blew up the family and got a one way ticket overseas. He married a 22 year old in secret and of course immediately knocked her up.

[C]

And I'm sure, I think they were Arab Muslims.

[A]

And I want to be clear, like did he say. She said they're Arab Muslims. She said they're Arab Muslims. Yeah, yeah. I mean again this, this goes back to my bit about how Greeks are the most light skinned Arabs. Because this is the thing, I could see half the dads I grew up with doing 100, but go ahead and this villager girl shit, go find yourself a 22 year old villager. Like this is that thinking right here. Keep going.

[C]

LD And I want to be clear,

[A]

like we all saw it coming. He's been saying he wanted a second

[C]

wife for like five years and them no chance.

[A]

My. Listen, that guy read the secret Twisted. That guy knows the power of visualization. Hey, I want a second one. He's telling his kids for five years. He's a. This. His current wife was in high school when he first starts talking about this. Oh my God. All right, keep going. Eld. The younger than his own daughter part was a surprise. My siblings and I have been begging

[C]

our parents to get divorced for 10 years. So my question is actually about my mom.

[A]

She doesn't want to change anything about

[C]

her quality of life.

[A]

She's asking us kids.

[C]

There's three of us, early career kids who all live in Expensive cities and

[A]

there's a kid in college right now and she's asking us to basically bankroll her.

[B]

Nope.

[A]

I want to know how to make her understand that shit is actually impossible.

[C]

She basically wants to recreate her bougie suburban housewife life without the husband who spent 30 years building it. She's not divorced on paper yet. They've not managed to both meet up in court.

[A]

But she managed to get half the

[C]

money from the house sale and like

[A]

another 100k lump sum. She literally has more money than any

[C]

of us combined from ever.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

This is insane. It's not enough to like keep her standard of living.

[C]

So. Yeah, how do I get my mom to stop trying to live her old life?

[A]

Also, my dad is begging her to

[C]

stay married and to come back.

[A]

What?

[C]

Love the show.

[A]

Bye. What? Wait a second. What the fuck are you talking about?

[B]

First of all, both your parents are fucking insane.

[A]

And they're both, they're both keeping it rather twisted. They're keeping it very twisted. I will say this family is keeping it twist. These parents are keeping it very, very twisted. The dad kept it twisted as hell too. He kept it too twisted. Let's be on the record here. Twisted. T. He kept it a little too. And the mom is keeping it too twisted too. Yeah, she's out of her mind. And the dad being like he wants her to come back. I guess he means he wants to just have two wives is what he means. Yeah, she mentioned that earlier too. Oh, she did.

[B]

That's part of like what he said. Like he's just has always wanted more than one wife.

[A]

Okay, so listen, H, I don't know if I don't know what the rules of twisted Tea are, whether I can tell your mom to suck it up and be wife number one. But it cuz come down to doing a little mathematics here and being like, how are we going to get the life we want if the guy's begging you to come back and you can kind of turn a blind eye and you know, it sounds like she's didn't have to do much. It sounds like she just kind of had like a pampered life. Well, this guy now has a second wife, but I'm gonna guess he wasn't not cheating the whole time. There's no way this guy was faithful

[B]

all of a sudden.

[A]

Yeah, so this, this is just a big. This guy just went back home and got. Got himself a 22 year old wife. And. And look, by the way, that is totally grounds for divorce. Obviously. Yeah. But your mom Just needs to be okay with either living off the. The. Look, you're just gonna have to downgrade here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You made a. You made a choice. You stood up for yourself. You're like, I'm not gonna be. I'm not gonna let this guy just marry another woman. Right. And then still stay married to me, which, by the way, legally. How. What are we even talking about here? You know what I mean? But anyway, and. But then also what's very funny here is that she's like, how do I tell my mom to stop? And it's like, like, your mom's not the problem here. No, I mean, they're both the problem, but it's like she's lost her mind. Yeah, but they both seem insane, right? Both your parents seem fucking crazy.

[B]

But I'm interested. Like, is she even hurt the mom?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Because she's kind of just like, yeah, okay, but how am I going to keep doing Pilates?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

Who is paying for my Pilates?

[A]

It's like we're still 3k short a month. So if everybody could just put the. If you each could put one kid pay on auto, pay on Zell, that would really help me out. Let's do it the first of the month then.

[B]

Also, she's just got to get realistic. Like, yeah, it's capitalism. You can't have pride and money.

[A]

It's true. That's exactly it. And we clearly chose ours. We don't have pride. We decided which one we want. And don't forget to keep it fucking twisted, folks. Twisted.

[B]

Get the fan family together.

[A]

Get the family together. An ice cold twisted tea. Get an ice cold twisted tea. This is what you need to do. Get the family together on a nice hot day. Crack open a game day pack of twisted tea because that actually has all the different flavors. And you'll have raspberry, you'll have peach. Somebody wants half and half and over. Over 12 twisted teaspoons. I think your family will come. Will come to a conclusion and realize what's really important here.

[B]

Yeah. You know, create a throuple and then

[A]

create a. Oh, the greatest throuple. Is this the first non gay throuple that works. But yes, that's such a good point of. Like, your mom chose pride and good for her. But maybe tell her to fucking go choose money instead and fucking stay married. Or, you know, not to get crass about the whole thing. Like she should, you know, does she get remarried? Does somebody else fill in here? Right? Like, is there somebody, is there a lesser. Is There a less well off.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You know what I mean? Like, fucking car salesman that she get in Dallas that she can fucking end up with.

[B]

I feel like if she puts up too much of a fight, you could create a contract where it's like, we'll bankroll you if you can get remarried in like six months.

[A]

Oh, I love that.

[B]

So, like, we'll keep you like a baddie.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

You got to show us something.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I bet she did something like that when you were applying to school.

[A]

That's a great point.

[B]

I bet. I bet they had those rules for you.

[A]

Did your mom ever body shame you? Did she ever call you too fat? You should fucking pinch her. Pinch her around the fucking waist. Like, is that we're getting a second husband. You think this is how we're staying in hot yoga, Mom? Really? You can get her back now? Body shame, your mother?

[B]

Yeah, that. Every immigrant kid needs to hear that by the time you turn 30. You need to start flipping their tactics back on them. Whatever they did to you, do it to them. It doesn't matter what the scenario is. Like, you have to.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, yeah, that's our advice. And really, at the end of the day, get the whole family together and crack open an ice cold, twisted tea. And remember, folks, keep it twisted. Whoa. What the hell? Oh. Oh. Dude, that was crazy. Keep it twisted. And that was the motherfucking ass question of the week. Brought to you by Twisted T. What else we got, little ld? There's something about spring that feels like a reset. Longer days, fresh energy, and the motivation to try something new. Learning a language is the perfect way to channel that momentum into a skill that opens up the world. Rosetta Stone has been a trusted leader in language learning for over 30 years. Their immersive, intuitive method helps you naturally absorb your new language. No memorizing random vocabulary lists and no relying on translations. Instead, you learn by connecting words, visuals, and meaning in context, the way language is meant to be learned. It's so simple to fit this into your day. You know, me personally, I want to get reconnected with my upbringing, my heritage. Greek is good for me. I want to brush up on that. Rosetta Stone has been huge. Ready to start learning a new language this spring? Visit rosettastone.comstavi today to explore Rosetta Stone and choose the language that's right for you. Go to rosettastone.com stavi now and begin your language learning journey. The new strawberry watermelon refresher is now at McDonald's. It's made with strawberries and a whole lot of whimsy. It's one of many new drinks now at McDonald's. Refreshers contain caffeine.

[C]

Hello? Sobs. Hello, caller.

[A]

You're the caller.

[C]

Question. So I'm getting older. I'm like, 44. My wife's getting older. You know, she has, like, some. She has. I can't remember what it's called, but her, like, arm hurts all the time for no reason.

[A]

Okay, time out. And time the out. Can't remember what it's called. Your wife has a chronic health condition. That's awesome. All right, all right. That's hilarious. Couldn't bother to memorize the name cameras called.

[C]

But her, like, fucking arm hurts all the time for no reason. She gets headaches. And she's really into sex. She reads all these sex books, like smut, kind of like the gay hockey ones, but they're a little more, like, violent. And I'm naturally a dom in the bedroom. I'm like a big dude. Okay, but we can't do that anymore because it hurts her. Like, I can't fucking pull her hair. I can't choke her. There's no dom sex happening anymore. Oh, dude, we're aging out of that.

[A]

No, you're like, what.

[C]

What should we switch it up to? Like, what's a more, like, soft sex thing we could do, you know?

[A]

Like, this is a lack of imagination.

[C]

I don't know. That's why I'm calling dude.

[A]

What do I do?

[C]

As a retired dom, you're clear. Hopefully you have a good answer. Hopefully your guest does.

[A]

You need. You're clearly not a cre. You're clearly not a curious person. You don't even know what your wife's chronic illness is called, right? To you, being a dom is literally hair pulling, choking, and, like, slapping and maybe spitting. Right? You're not aging out of. It is like. It's like how. Look, Michael Jordan was a hot. He played. He used to play shooting guard. He gets a little older. He moves to the three. He's not a. He's not as explosive, right? But he's more of a technical player. And that's when you age out of things. You have to learn technique. More bang for your buck. To me, this feels like, again, a lack of imagination. Read some of those books.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See what. See what it is that's getting her juiced up. A lot of times talking crazy will do everything you need, like, more than enough. I have, I think, really, like, when you. When you think about what you're Gonna say and like, describe wild shit that you want to do to her. Threaten that kind of shit sexually. Get some fucking also toys, right? Because you're thinking of it as like pure physical violence, as being dominant. But it's like being in control is really what it's about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if you're fully in control, you're gonna have to play a couple more mind games. Maybe you get into fucking ropes and shit and tying her up, playing with fucking toys, right? If you can't do. If physical pain and taking her to the limit was one was once your thing, maybe you have to fucking, you know, hit her with a fucking. Fucking one of those fucking jackhammer fucking vibrators where it's like, you know what I mean? Like, intense pleasure one way or the other.

[B]

Or like withholding pleasure.

[A]

Withholding huge big. Yeah, people love that. Like teasing, doing this other shit. You right now, it's like the old adage of like, if you have a. If you have a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail, is what they say, where it's like, yeah, you're gonna try and smash it. If you're. If all you have is a hammer. You need some other tools in your tool, kid. You're. You need to become a finesse. Now is time for you. You can't dunk anymore. Learn how to finger roll. You know what I'm saying? Like, learn. Learn how to be a finesse player. Because being you, you don't. And I'm not. I'm not a BDSM person, but I think, like, you know, it's like whatever. Whatever I'm into in the bedroom, it's not like I'm not one of these just like reading about this shit or like, you know, But I do think my friends who are into it, I think they would have a very derisive view of you. You. Because you really aren't. You just see it as like your 4 semi violent sex moves are what make you a dom. Whereas for them, it's really more mostly mental. Is. Is. Is, you know, for the friends of mine who are like super into that. So, yeah, I feel like so much

[B]

behind the dumb stuff is like, behind all of the violence is like, this person wants me so bad that right

[A]

there they'll do whatever I say.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

And that is fucking awesome. Yeah, that is a great, great feeling to. And if she has that, you should be. Why aren't you having a great time? Right? That's the thing. Look at this with fresh eyes. You know what I mean? You have this Woman who loves you and will do whatever you want sexually. If you, if you just kind of meet her, you know, sort of hat like I know I hooked up with somebody who was like into fat guys and was just, she was so just into my body in a way that was like I felt like the man. And then when you hook up, you know, you'll hook up with random people. It's like for whatever reason, you just represent the right thing at the right time for their. And they're so turned on and it's like that is the fuck. And they tend to be the ones that are like the most submissive they want. I think when you. I've said this before, but it's like when you are kind of a big fat piece of shit, hot women want you to just fucking toss them around and shit. And when you fuck and, and that naturally was never, I was never like naturally into like the violent aspect. But it was what you just said that that unlocked it for me where it's like, oh, this is a person that like wants you, wants you so bad they'll do whatever the fuck you say. And it's like that doesn't just have to be choking and spitting. That could be a bunch of shit, you know? So get a little more creative. Open your bag up, brother.

[B]

And also she's so committed. She's like playing with a torn acl, like.

[A]

Right? She is really trying. Yeah, she's a trooper. And maybe you can't do all the same stuff, but you can get, you just, it's just from knowing you this amount, which is hearing a voicemail, I know you're an incurious person. I know it in my bones. And just open up your horizons a little bit, dude. That's all I'm saying. Maybe you're just nervous. That's possible. But I do think in general, and look, I've had that problem too where I don't think about the outside world and that's when I'm the least happy or I'm not. I don't ask follow up questions when I'm so in my own shoes. You're so focused on how you used to and what you've lost that you're not looking at what you could gain by this new, these new setups. Some of my favorite like restrictions make some of the best art, right? It's like, and now you, now you get to be fucking Picasso dude. Get to now, now we find out if you're actually good at fucking. Before, before you were just using your fucking. You were a brute force, you know. Now do you have tech? Do you know how to fucking make a woman bust with us in the sexual theater of the mind, you know, and a couple fucking dildos and shit, Whatever the fuck, you know what I mean? Figure. So those beads that you control, that seems kind of fun. That seems classic. Just being like. And a girl gets horny, that seems fun. So yeah, there you go, buddy. Give us what else we got. LD

[C]

hey, Savvy and Feldus and whatever cool guests you got on there. Right? Listen, I'm calling because I. So my situation is this. I'm a 40 year old dad of three. I'm a good dad. I have my shit together. I, you know, still married and still with mom.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And yeah, everything's good on the home front.

[A]

The more positive ones that he racks up, the more I'm scared about what the turn is gonna be. But anyway, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

[C]

Doing really well in my job. Kids are happy. I feel like I'm knocking it out of the park. Is a dad. That said, I'm hitting like mad dabs throughout the day. Respect waking up.

[A]

We need a respect drop. We really need a respect drum.

[C]

I'm hitting like mad dabs throughout the day. Waking up, I'm dabbing. Afternoon, evening. I'm also taking about a handful of stems. ADHD meds. I somehow have lucked out into getting a prescription for very easy to get.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

This is hella productive. Doing all the the stuff, playing music in my free time. Everything's good. I'm loving it, but it feels wrong.

[A]

Interesting.

[C]

Let me know what you think. Am I secret high functioning drug addict? Do I need to stop? Do I need to get my priorities in order?

[A]

You are talking to a high functioning drug addict right now. I'm so addicted to weed right now. It's crazy. I take 100 milligrams every night. I tried. Tonight was the first night I couldn't. I was like, let me just not do this. I could not sleep, dude. I straight up. I slept like four, two nights this week. I was like, I'm not gonna do it. And it's not like I didn't. I just. I was like, I'm just gonna smoke weed. That didn't do it. I need to be. Be so blotto out of my mind.

[B]

Like edible. Like, how are you taking this?

[A]

Like, I have. So there's like, I literally have done the research to find the way to get the most. There's like a. A brand of that. Because in new York. I know the laws in New York. Every package can't be over a hundred milligrams.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So other. In other places you might get like packages that are 500 milligrams and they're like 50 or 100 milligram. Like 50 gummies usually.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or two. What I'd really love is 25 grams so that I could do 75. In the state of New York, the max is 100 milligrams. And so most places do either 5 milligram little guys or 10 milligrams. And there's one company that does these little square chocolates that are 100 milligrams and I just fucking pop one of those fuckers. And I am so fucked up. It's awesome. And I sleep so good. It's. I also my back up. So I'm trying to stay off other more harmful pills.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so I. I literally know the last two last three months I've become a high functioning drug addict. And there are negatives. Like, yeah, I need a little. I need a. I need an hour to really get going in the morning because I'm still pretty up.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You know, every morning.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I kind of like it because I take a fucking walk. You know what I mean? I fucking meditate sometimes, but I go on a kind of stone walk. I drink coffee and then within an hour I'm kind of good to go.

[B]

That doesn't sound bad to me.

[A]

It's not that. The problem is I've been like, I have to stop this. And right now I just, I'm shooting my special. You know, I just have too much shit to try and kick weed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that would be my. So my question for this guy is like, how what he's saying doesn't sound that bad. I would.

[B]

The stimulus, like a literal handful. Like, how many milligrams are we talking?

[A]

That's what I would say is like, like my problem. Like, I know when she gets less busy for me, I'm going to, at the minimum, like go off weed for six months because I can. I don't know how my tolerance got here this fast because I truly. Dude, I didn't smoke weed for like, like before the tour. Was I even smoking weed? Eldest? I don't think so. Just like occasionally. Like, I think you're going.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Before the tour, once a month I'd smoke weed. Yeah. I really wasn't smoking weed. The touring and my backup, I was just like, if I don't smoke weed,

[B]

it's the same thing with Touring like, I have to get like hydroxyzine. It's like what like Zyrtec used to be before they took the drowsiness out of it. Otherwise I can't go to sleep. Because you're just like switching time zones so much that's. You're like drinking Red Bull before a show.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It is like, you know, I know the fucking. The smallest violin for fucking comedians. But. But it is really hard when you have just done a show and your adrenaline is through the fucking roof and you had a. Yeah. If the nights where it's like sometimes you have a fucking coffee to get in the right zone or you need a dread bull. You need whatever. It's like you're not going to go to bed unless you have drugs. You're straight up. Not going to. For. Until naturally. I would probably go to bed at like 6:00am a.m. if that was the case.

[B]

Yep. And a lot of time you're flying out the next morning.

[A]

Yeah. It's so. It's so. It sucks. So. So I know that. But right now my life is like a Jenga tower. And if I took out the weed block, it's crumbling.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Right. So that's what I would say is like, where are you in your life? Because I know I'm gonna. When it's. When there's less. When it's less precarious, I'm gonna slowly take that weed block out and try and rebuild for him how. Like, he has. He has kids. Right? How old are your kids? Like, if you have young kids, I would say I'd be scared. The other thing is like, he seems to. He didn't mention. I was really waiting for the I want to cheat on my wife thing to drop. Because that's. Most calls we get where the guy talks about guy.

[B]

They are going up with that Adderall, then he might be getting his dick sucked by guys on Grindr.

[A]

Honestly, like his limp dick suck. Yeah.

[B]

It's like, like at a certain milligram amount you are gay.

[A]

Just become gay. Watch out. Yeah. Yeah. So I think my question to you is a. How old are your kids? Are you putting them in danger? Are there times where you're so up that if. Because my thing with parenting is like, I'm not saying someone who has kids cannot. Can never get fucked up.

[C]

Up.

[A]

Obviously that's, you know, crazy. But I do think if some. If you have young kids, you have to think of yourself as on call. Yeah. Like if an emergency happens, do you want to be too stoned to take your Kid to the hospital. Yep, that's. That's number one. Now, if you pass that test, if it's like, either you never get that fucked up when they're around, or you just ultimately know, look, my wife's gonna take care of this. That's the other. That's another thing that we don't know is like, is he just a type B and is. Does his wife run everything? And she's like, yeah, yeah, get in the garage, play music. I'll fucking. Every time you try and help you fuck something. So just fucking take dabs and play. Fucking play guitar, you know, play Wonderwall in the garage while I raise our children. If that's the case, keep doing what you're doing. But I guess my thing is like, yeah, from a true health standpoint, think about what's your percent, what are your milligrams? You're probably fine. You're probably fine for a while, if we're being honest. But do you want to live your life. Life addicted to be doing a safe speedball every day? You're talking about amphetamines and, like, amphetamines and. And weed. You're getting pretty close to be. To doing heroin and cocaine. You know what I mean? Like, you kind of. When you're talking about dabs at that level. Yeah, he's not talking about I smoke. I smoke a joint or I take 5 milligrams.

[B]

Right, I forgot.

[A]

He's saying, I'm taking dabs throughout the day and I'm taking a handful of. Of Adderalls. Yeah, when you're doing that weed. Weed has gotten to the point where when it's potent, it's as fucked up as any drug.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And you're all. So it's like, that's my thing. It's like, look, I think you're probably. If we're gonna be realistic, you seem to be fine. But you need to think about this the way you. You would think about the way you fucking eat. The way I would say, somebody who goes and drinks fucking ten beers. Like somebody who drinks four beers every day. It's like, it's. Is that the worst thing in the world? No, but long term, is this how you want. You know, think about it like that? That's how I would. Because it doesn't seem like he's putting his kids in danger. Doesn't seem like he's fucking his life up. It just seems like he morally feels bad for doing what he perceives as wrong behavior.

[B]

But then also, it kind of logistically doesn't make sense because he started doing a bunch of dabs, and he probably was like, damn, my attention span is just fried. Yeah, Yeah, I should probably get on Adderall. And now he's like, doing the Adderall to offset the dabs. And it's like, you might just not need either of those.

[A]

Maybe not maybe, but maybe he needs both. I mean, I do feel like the limitless pill, if it's real, is like 5 milligrams of Adderall Cold brew, the gentlest edible of all time, a dick pill. And like, allergy medicine if you put all that together. But like, the non drowsies, if you put all that together, I think that's what the limitless. Like, when I'm on Adderall and smoking weed, I do feel incredible.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

It's one of the fucking best feelings in the world. And you completely understand why so many people died of speedball. You're like, I bet this feels so good. I bet doing heroin and an upper feels so good. And I'm never gonna find out because that will kill me. Like, I just know if I ever do heroin, I'm so toast. Oh, yeah.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Because I even pill. I dabbled in pills for a while, but if I felt that real shit. Anyway, sorry.

[B]

I'm doing it at some point, though. Like, when I'm, like, close to death.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm ripping it 100%.

[A]

That's a great point. As an old guy, I'm doing it. I gotta get. If I live to 70, I'll reward myself with heroin. Let's do that. Let's put that on the board. Eldest. That's. That's the Stavi's world. That's a goal for us. Get to 70, you get to do heroin. But so that's. I would purely look at it as a health thing because that's kind of how I'm looking at the weed thing, where I'm like, there's no way ingesting 100 milligrams a day is good for you long term. There's just no way that's true. The same way there's no way eight dabs and 25 extended. And 25 extended release. Whatever. And like, two extended release adderalls a day is good for you. You know that. You ultimately know that. At least you're not destroying your life with it. So you think, like, maybe I could do this forever. It's like, no, you shouldn't. Just because it's unhealthy for you. Good for you. That you're not destroying your life. That's good. Maybe you're the kind of guy who, if it got that bad, you'd stop. And it never. Maybe on some level, you're like, as soon as it starts fucking my life up, I'll chill. And it just hasn't happened. So you're like, do I just get as fucked up as possible? It's like, no, dude. Because the end of this is ultimately something really fucking dark. Dark.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because tolerances keep going up. What you need to get that juice keeps going up. I'm living it in a much more wholesome way than you somehow. So I know how it goes. So that's why I would say pick a time in your life where you have some downtime and try and kick this. And then if you want to. If you want to get back to maybe smoking a joint. You know what I mean? Smoking a joint and taking. Taking the amount of Adderall you're prescribed. Okay, try that. But you do need a reset minimum.

[B]

It's not sustainable. And your heart.

[A]

Your heart, brother, for sure.

[B]

For sure. With all those Adderall. That's not.

[A]

Did he say he was in good health? What he said. Did he say. Because he mentioned all the other stuff he's good at.

[B]

He didn't specify, but I'd be really scared.

[A]

He's doing good. That's the thing, dude. I thought I was doing good. I mean, again, all this is projection, but, like. Like, I went through something this year where I was like, you know, I've been fat as fuck my whole life, and I've been addicted to multiple substances a different part of my life. And I always was waiting for the doctor's visit where it would force me to get my life together. And I was always like, my blood work's good. What's going on? And then I fucked my back up because I've been. And I realized, oh, I was always waiting for, like, diabetes or heart stuff. And it's like, you did. I didn't even consider that I could up, literally, like, my spine by being fat. And it's like, dude, you might be. You're taking care of all the stuff that you're thinking about right now, but there's stuff that is. These drugs are fucking your life up in ways you're not conceived of, you haven't conceived of yet. And you think you're doing everything with your kids, but, like, what do your kids think of you?

[B]

Right?

[A]

Let's say they're safe. Safe. I never see my dad because he's playing math rock on Adderall. He's doing chord progressions on 40 milligrams of Adderall. So I don't ever get to. He missed my. He missed my game. He missed my soccer game. Because he was trying to do. He was trying to copy bucketheads guitar solo or whatever. The.

[B]

Also, that combo is low key, like schizophrenia from scratch. It really is the paranoia that you might get that goes, like, a little wrong, I think.

[A]

Think about how. Because I was a. I'm. I'm adhd, whatever, and I. I was prescribed IRA for a while. And I think about what. Like, how. How irritable I would get sometimes when I didn't eat enough. Or, like, because it stops you from eating, so you don't realize you're hungry. And if you. If you abuse amphetamines, you get very irritable. You get re. You have a bad mood. And when you combine that with the paranoid, like, I still. Even as someone addicted to huge quantities of marijuana, I will freak out every night. I have, like about a 20 minutes. Like, I'm gonna fuck everything up. I'm about to fucking bomb the special. I'm gonna fuck the movie up. I'm a piece of shit. But you just power through that part, and right after that, 30 Rock gets even more awesome. So as soon as you power through that little 20 minutes of, like, you're a fucking fraud, you're gonna fuck everybody. But. But if combining that with fucking Adderall abuses. Yeah. So anyway, you. You know. Yeah, we just said everything. You actually have known this whole time, but you didn't need to hear it. So that's it, little buddy? Elders, you got something fun for us to go out on here? Here's a guy with a medical issue

[B]

that we did help.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

Please. First of all, I don't have a question, to be honest with you, but I have a funny story story.

[A]

Great.

[C]

You would appreciate. A few months ago, I was in a bike accident, and I flew off my bike over the front handlebars going like 20 miles an hour.

[A]

Jesus.

[C]

And I was wearing a helmet, but I still cracked my pavement hard enough to get a concussion.

[A]

Okay. Thank God you're wearing a helmet.

[C]

When I realized I had a concussion with the doctor, they told me that, you know, first I have to be in a dark room with no stimulation, mental stimulation of any kind. But then they said I should start slowly introducing more stimulating things to get my brain used to, like, sensory input. But what I found is that even, like, thinking about things too hard would trigger like, my symptoms. So, like, I tried to go back to work. I'm a program for my job working computers. And I started trying to do that again and I would like be looking at the code and everything would go blurry and like the lights would get really sharp and I would have to lay down and it would just be too much.

[A]

Jesus Christ, dude.

[C]

And I found that the only thing that I could do that was the least mental stimulation of any activity was just to listen to your podcast.

[A]

Do you have severe brain damage? Don't worry. Does it hurt you to think too hard? To have to hold. Does holding images in your head challenge you too much mental. Well, don't worry. Stavi's World is here for you. We're gentle enough that even someone who, if they. Imagine if they try and remember their grandpa's name, get a migraine, we won't challenge them at all, dude. We will just feed them right what they want. Comfort. Pure comfort food. That's awesome. Does he have more?

[C]

And there's a period of like five days where I literally could only just lay down on the couch with my eyes closed and just listen to Stabby's World. I probably listened to like, oh, yeah, get this mess.

[A]

Find this man and gift him a Patreon subscription. Elvis for that one.

[C]

It was get him the.

[A]

Get him Albanian supremacy. The ten dollar tier where you get to see Eldest's camera. Only we charge more to get access to Eldest's camera for the whole two hours. You can see what I'm doing, my

[B]

facial expressions throughout the course of an episode.

[A]

It's literally like an hour and 40 minutes of elders has been like. You see, you can see how cross eyed he is with. With that cam too, by the way. That's so funny. Is that so how's he doing that? Did he. Is that. It is at the end of the call.

[B]

That was it. Great delivery.

[A]

That's beautiful. Yeah, that actually was really good. That was really good. That's so fun. Funny. And that does. You know what? That makes me feel good, man. The fact that we're helping the. The people with the. The. The TBI community. That's so funny, dude. And I, by the way, I do take that as a compliment. I take it as we're, you know, we're just. You're here with your friend, you're with an old pal. We make you feel comfortable here. Do you ever. You ever. What's the most fucked up injury you've ever had?

[B]

Ooh, most up injury? Hernia. Oh, that's probably the Worst.

[A]

I remember. I remember you, like, posted about that, and I was like, how the. Did this guy get a hernia? I wasn't working out.

[B]

No. Well, yes and no. I got so strong that I thought that I could do anything,

[A]

so it was working out. Hilarious.

[B]

But I tried moving a mattress up some stairs by myself.

[A]

Because you were jacked.

[B]

And it's like, I could do it, but, like, I just moved a little bit in the wrong direction. I just felt something pop, and I was like, oh, what was that?

[A]

How long did that take?

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

Do you have to get surgery?

[B]

Yeah, I had to get, like, a mesh put in. I couldn't do any lifting whatsoever for, like, maybe a month. And then, like, no real working out for, like, six months.

[A]

Dude. Yeah, that's.

[B]

It was terrible.

[A]

Jesus. But at least. I mean, because I'm literally dealing that with my. I was the most actually on my. That I've been in years. I was working out. Happens. And I haven't been able to. I haven't been able to, like, re. It's been. You know, it happened in January, and I'm trying to get back to. I want. It's hilarious that the moment I want to lift in my life. The first time in my life, the gym is like, a positive to me. Yeah. It will kill me if I try doing it, like. But thank God it. The hernia, they just. And you're good. It's not like, a chronic thing or.

[B]

No. Like, sometimes I get, like, nerve pain a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then if I start getting really, like, jacked in the abdomen, I can feel it moving.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Or, like, repositioning kind of like when the muscle, like. And it's so alien feeling, like there's just, like, that thing there.

[A]

So does it stop you from getting, like, can you. But can you work out regularly now?

[B]

No, I can. Yeah. It's, like, completely healed.

[A]

If you get. Can you get fucking. Could you go Kumail mode if you wanted? And it. Would it hurt?

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like, get jacked as fuck? Kumail.

[B]

I know it's in me because my brother does it. Like, it's in the jeans somewhere, and I, like. I've seen him do it, and I'm like, I could.

[A]

Do you have that desire?

[B]

You know?

[A]

Do you want to be, like, a

[B]

little bit and it's fun, but then, like, you can't really dress. Like, nothing fit me. Right. I just always felt like I should just be naked right now because no one's really getting the effect.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, you guys don't get it. Like this actually isn't selling it.

[A]

That's really interesting.

[B]

And I like clothes, so I'm like,

[A]

no, I don't wanna. That's very interesting too from like again, just sort of the way. Oh, fuck. Just sort of like showing our viewership different stuff about gay people. Our former incels. It's like immediately I would have thought like, but wait, gay guys work out and they like clothes and it never, never at once did I think like, whoa, that's two mutually exclusive things. Yeah. Because if you're jacked, you're right nothing. You look good because you're jacked. But also it's like, if someone's too jacked, they actually can never look great in clothes. Like super. We're talking about like bodybuilders look fucking crazy.

[B]

100%.

[A]

And even in like suits, like jack guys started wearing the like fucking tight ass suits. I bet in a suit with the right tailoring. But then you got to be. A guy wears a suit all the time, right?

[B]

No.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

It's like you should be fighting or someone right now.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is true. There's no reason to get that jacked if you don't have like physical. If you're not like violent doing some kind of violence, whether that's sports or like, you know, sexual violence. But consensually.

[B]

Would you ever. Do you have the desire to get like super not I mean obvious.

[A]

I have the desire to just get huge arms. Like just get bouncer physique.

[B]

Get like a shot put build.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I see that.

[A]

For I. And the thing is like, I do want. I'm gonna take time to fix my. The back. I also just kind of needed. Because you always say I'm gonna take time and actually fix myself. Right. Fix my problems. This made it so that I had to be. I literally was like, I turned down a bunch of jobs because I was like, I have to after I've agreed to do certain things. And like, you know this movie. I. I'm. I was really lucky to get cast in this movie with Apatow and who. Dude. I. You know, when I'm. You want to talk about being. I literally like listen to the DVD commentaries. Like it's crazy. If it wasn't Judd Apatow. And it wasn't. And I. I'm a bit. I'm a Powell guy, dude. I saw that in Top Gun and I walked out of there being like, that's the guy. No disrespect to Miles Teller. Great Actor. But I was like, fuck, give me more of this guy. He was so good at being like, Iceman 2.0. And he just had that, like, kind of that, like, dickhead. I'm so excited to fucking do this movie because his presence on screen is so fun and, like, so he just has such a specific energy. And if it wasn't, like, legit, a movie star and the fucking director I grew up, like, I probably would go because I'm, like, trying to find doctors. Like, I have a bunch of shit I want to. So I do think the. If I don't. If I don't do it now, if you don't see me in, like, a year with a fixed back getting in good shape, it's just never gonna happen. I'm getting to that point where it's like, I'm 37.

[B]

Have you ever had to do physical therapy before?

[A]

I have. I have. I'm gonna have to do a bunch of pt. I've. My. I fucked my shoulder up. My hope is, once I'm done with the movie is to just, like, I'm really gonna go into pt, Seriously. And I just want to be able to work out my upper body again, at least a little bit. Because my. The irony now is, like, my legs are always the strongest thing, and I just can't really with them right now because of my back.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

And I think I probably could. I always was like, I'm fat as. It doesn't make sense to, like, do, like, arm workouts for. I need to, like, just get healthier. But I think there will be a moment where while I'm fixing my back, I really can't do anything but purely arm stuff. So who knows, man? Maybe I spend the year just getting. And by the way, I'll do everything. Peptides stem cells take my blood out, circulate it, put it in. You know what I mean? Like, I'm. That's. The other thing is, like, I don't really spend money on much. I've been very lucky in my life, and I just want to spend money on making my body not feel like, you know, like, that's.

[B]

What's your peptide stack do you have? I have nothing.

[A]

I have nothing yet. But I'm getting in the zone. Yeah, I'm gonna get in the mix for sure. Because, like, the GLP1s have helped me an incredible amount because, like, there have been moments I've been on them a little under a year or about a year, and even when I don't, you know, I haven't been losing weight a ton. Like fat. Like when I started, I was losing weight so fast because I had nothing to do and I was so focused. But now there have been moments where I've been so stressed that if I wasn't on them I would be going. Or I have a crazy night and then they. They let you know. You up stomach hurts.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

It kind of is like a. It is kind of like a shock collar thing where it's like, you know what I mean? You have too much dessert. You hit the collar the next day on the toilet. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You hit the shock fence. So I'm like, these medicines have clearly helped me. There's probably other medicines that can help. And so I'm on. I'm on the hunt for like rich guy solutions to my back. So we might maybe Stavi gets ripped Season three three or what are we up to four or five?

[B]

There's like the peptides are tearing through the gay guy community. It seems like I'm really scoping them out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like there's a few test dummies that I have.

[A]

We got to send a couple dogs to space before we get. Before me and you get in the shuttle. You know, let's make sure they can fucking come in and out. Exactly, exactly.

[B]

Gotta set some Sputnik.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I definitely see that for sure. It's like. It seems like a lot. It's like tech gay guys and then like secret Hollywood people that don't want to admit. Like peptides seem to be like the way people can just do something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And be like. Well, it's not the things you've heard of.

[B]

Well, the gateway for me and I think for a lot of people. Accutane.

[A]

Is that a peptide technique?

[B]

No, just like.

[A]

Oh, just like a weird.

[B]

It's just vitamin A. Oh, really? But then some of these peptides are just like copper.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That you're shooting into your ass.

[A]

I know. That's why I want to give it a little second.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I was like that with the GLP ones. I gave it like. Like quite a. Like I started last year. I feel like the first round of Ozempic was like maybe what, four years ago probably. Oh, I think it probably was something like that. I feel like it was like a right out of the pandemic type thing even probably during was some. Because so many people had all this p. Massive pandemic weight loss and it was. Right.

[B]

Which is so counterintuitive. Like what the.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. But. But yeah, dude, I'M I'm excited to. I do. I'm obviously never gonna be in great shape, but I want to get strong as fuck. Just from a. At this point, literally from a survival standpoint. But I also just think like, the ultimate. I've just always been on the quest to perfect what I. Who I. What my. What my strengths are. And I think the physical attractiveness. For me, I'm not some fat guy that thinks he wants to get skinny. That's crazy, right? That's also not who I am. I'm not a little guy. And so I'm. And it's also like, I'm five, six, seven. If I lost a hundred twenty pounds at five, seven, I'd be a weird little guy with loose skin. That's not who I want to be.

[B]

No.

[A]

Really big head, humongous head.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah.

[A]

I really like. Do fat people just grow larger heads or do I feel like so many fat people that lose weight happen to have huge heads. Is there some kind of thing. Does your head grow because you're fat?

[B]

See, I.

[A]

Chicken or the egg? I'd love to know.

[B]

Like, I have a gigantic head. Sometimes I see myself on camera and I'm like, holy, like lollipopping. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

But. But when I. I had like, I think in my heaviest, I was like 200 and like, I looked so normal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, whoa. Like, everything is proportional. Like, it's crazy.

[A]

What size hat do you wear? Do you know?

[B]

Jesus Christ. Like, I. I couldn't fit that. I don't think we.

[A]

I have a humongous head. Try this, dude.

[B]

See, you're on the last

[A]

hair. Yeah, similar. Yeah, yeah, similar size. Yeah, yeah, but that's a. I just love this. Happy. I hate going. Yes, yes. I'm too fat for hats. We've discussed it. We've discussed it. I hate going on the last one, but we went to fucking. Where'd we just go? Milwaukee. And bought like beer hats. And let me just say, they got them for the ample head. When you buy beer merch, they are the right. They're for fat ass head motherfuckers. But yeah, hell yeah, dude. No, I'm gonna. I do. I definitely have the desire to just kind of fucking. I'd love to love. I have a. I love 80s action movies so much, and I have a script that I like. You know, I have like a project that I love working on that's like, that. It. That is in that world and it would make sense for me for this thing to just get. Not. Obviously I'M never going to be as jacked as fucking. But that would make sense if I get somebody to make this and then it's like, all right, well, I need a year to get jacked. Like, I always dream of figuring out a way to like, you know, tie it into my life so that I don't have to completely set the groundwork now where like, get healthy and then be like, hey, if you like this, I gotta fucking get. I gotta get on some fucking peptides and get fucking jacked as hell. Right? We'll see. Stay tuned. Stop. He Gets Ripped. Season four or five again. I don't remember which one it is, but we're. And I'm sorry, folks. We were gonna do it, but I fucked my back up so I couldn't work out at all. But we're gonna get. Once I'm done shooting this movie. Movie, we're gonna. We're gonna get Stavi Gets Ripped going again. Anyway, that was a fun last call. It. We're glad we could help the brain damaged. Our brain damaged fan. And, you know, that's nice. It's. It's nice that one of our fans has to have accidents to get brain injury for a change. Usually that's just kind of how they were born. They were kind of missing a chunk of one lobe or another. So. Respect to you guys. Jabouki, this was great, man. Thank you very. Anytime you want to come back, we'd love to have you find Jabouki. He's on the road right now. Follow him online. He's hilarious in every medium. And we will talk to you guys next time. Bye. Bye. I'm Kiana and I leveled up my business with Shopify. Once I figured out that Shopify was a thing, I never turned back. I can create a site with my eyes closed. Shopify thinks ahead of us, you know, and it thinks about the customer more than anything. Every day I'm thinking about some other new business, but Shopify is doing it to me because it's so easy to use. It's like, I can't stop. I'm addicted. Start your free [e-mail] the new Strawberry Watermelon Refresher is now at McDonald's. It's made with strawberries and a whole lot of whimsy. It's one of many new drinks now at McDonald's. Refreshers contain caffeine.