#182 - Joe List and JP McDade

Summary

Stavvy's World #182 – Joe List and JP McDade (May 25, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this episode of Stavvy's World, host Stavros Halkias welcomes his friends – comedians Joe List and JP McDade – for a classic hangout episode where they riff about injury woes, the pitfalls of modern comedy, and help callers with personal dilemmas. The main theme is camaraderie in the face of adversity, centering around Stavros’s recent arm injury that forced him to postpone his comedy special. Comedy’s changing landscape, generational shifts, and everyday struggles—both serious and hilarious—are explored with wit, warmth, and typical Stavvy irreverence.

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Main Topics & Key Discussion Points

1. Comedy Injuries: The “Brace Brothers” Saga

Timestamps: 01:14–23:15

• Stavros breaks his arm in a scooter accident; JP and Joe share their own stories of stand-up-related and everyday injuries.
  • Stavros’s Story: Fell off a Lime scooter while chasing after a wind-blown hat and greeting a fan. Embarrassment ensued, as well as intense worry about his back and the fate of his special.
    • "There is no way to make this story not embarrassing. I just fell off a scooter.” – Stavros (07:25)
  • JP Compares Injuries: "I injured my knee the same way Tom Segura did, the patellar tendon, but I was going way faster, for the record." (08:21)
• Injuries and Stand-up: Elders and Joe add stories about health mishaps—sprained ankles, delayed graduation parties, and soldiering through stand-up performances.
  • "I sprained my ankle on graduation day…40 minutes after I graduated, I was just in the hospital." – Joe (26:42)
• On Perseverance: Despite physical setbacks, the group jokes about the need to carry on—giving shoutouts to resilient blue-collar workers and reminding themselves (and listeners) they’re not so tough.
  • “People with much harder jobs bust their arms up. So I'll be okay.” – Stavros (23:46)

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2. The State of Modern Comedy: Algorithms, Gatekeeping & Plagiarism

Timestamps: 02:38–06:14, 43:03–46:19

• Algorithms Rule All: The gang laments the transition from industry gatekeepers to algorithmic ones, with jokes about right-wing comedy, viral clips, and AI dictating what’s funny.
  • "Now the comedians are the gatekeepers…and we're maybe the stupid people." – Stavros (02:51)
  • "A computer programmed by people that don't understand humanity are now the gatekeepers." – Stavros (03:02)
• Viral Comedy & Content Theft: JP and Stavros share grievances about the endless recycling of viral formats and direct idea theft.
  • “I've seen copies...there's like a Lyft and Uber of the same viral video for everything.” – JP (43:31)
  • “There's a guy who just took my idea and made it worse...and has since gone on to become like famous from it.” – JP (44:49)

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3. Postponing The Special & Comedy Resilience

Timestamps: 17:35–23:15, 46:19–48:32

• Details of the Postponement: Stavros recounts how the injury forced him to reschedule recording his special in Baltimore—a logistical challenge, but with gratitude for local vendors and fans.
  • “Shout out to my hometown for taking care of me. I love you, Baltimore.” – Stavros (22:20)
• Coping with Setbacks: Shifting to self-care, Stavros enjoyed a brief “Covid redux,” binging movies guilt-free and advocating for making the best of bad situations.
  • “For three days after the break, I just sat on my couch with my arm iced and watched movies. Was breaking my arm kind of worth it?” – Stavros (45:56)

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4. Hilarious Side-Tangents and Comedy “Deep Cuts”

Timestamps: Throughout, but especially 13:41–15:07, 29:22–32:41, 51:01–53:29

• Internet & Meme Culture: The group riffs on how the internet recycles old facts and memes (e.g., "Did you know...?" factoids, calculator “boobies,” etc.).
• British & Albanian Stereotypes: Good-natured joking about different cultures, with a playful segment on the pronunciation and meaning of "cunt" and Albanian jokes (24:45–25:47, 74:00–75:36).
• Joke Dissection: Joe shares an old “lion rape” street joke, the group analyzes it, and it evolves into bits about talking animals, newspapers in the jungle, and porn genres.

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5. Call-in Advice: Voicemails and Listener Dilemmas

a) EMS Co-Worker Conundrum

Timestamps: 62:00–72:46

• Call Summary: An EMT is paired with a new, incompetent co-worker (“she falls down on flat ground!”) and debates whether to escalate or try to help her first.
• Advice & Reflections:
  • The group wonders about confirmation bias, mentoring, and the serious stakes of medical work.
  • “If you have done your due diligence and tried to make the best of the situation...then you are well within your rights to report this kind of behavior.” – Stavros (69:44)
  • Quote: "Say what you mean, but don't say it mean." – Elders (72:45)

b) Vegetarian Cooking vs. Meat Cravings

Timestamps: 73:08–83:34

• Call Summary: A new dad confesses to feeling like a “fat piece of shit” because he craves takeout meat while his vegetarian wife cooks healthy meals.
• Advice & Tactics:
  • "Treat their main meal as your side dish. Just add your own steak or some chicken thighs.” – Stavros (79:59)
  • Group discusses relationship compromises, the emotional role of food, and strategies for feeling grateful and less guilty.
  • "Before eating something bad, just ask yourself—do I need this?” – JP (82:22)

c) Sister’s Scandalous Secret

Timestamps: 84:26–92:14

• Call Summary: A woman wonders if she should tell her mom that her sister “homewrecked” a married man.
• Group Response: Counsel against tattling, encourage seeking trust and self-awareness in sibling dynamics.
  • “Are you mad at the injustice, or are you mad because you can’t get away with it? ...Don’t look at this as an opportunity for leverage.” – Stavros (87:40/89:47)
  • “Gossip never feels good later on. We never learn the lesson, but we should not gossip as much as we do.” – JP (89:50)

d) Eating Out When Your Partner Has Herpes

Timestamps: 93:41–96:13

• Call Summary: Follow-up from a listener with HSV, reassuring a nervous caller that oral sex is safe (absent outbreaks, on medication).
• Group Consensus: “Eat some box, even if the lady has herpes—just make sure there’s no outbreak.” – Elders (96:21)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Stavros on Career Setbacks:
  “I start tearing up because I start seeing the culmination of my special go down the drain. I'm like, I can't do it the way I want to.” (19:59)
• On Comedy Content Theft:
  “I commented on [the copycat’s video]. I was like, so you just took my idea and made it worse. He's like, ‘character inspired by McDade baby.’” – JP (44:49)
• On Everyday Humiliation:
  “It’s literally like an injury that a fucking grown man should not get.” – Stavros, about his broken arm (32:46)
• Absurd Comedy Bits:
  • "He’s like, help me step-bro, I’m stuck. The lion is basically in the dishwasher…” – Elders (30:03)
  • “Eat pussy, even if the lady has herpes, as long as she's not having an outbreak.” – Group Wisdom (96:21)

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Pop Culture: Movies, TV, and Random Riffs

• Scorsese Filmography: With time off, Stavros plans to watch everything from "Goodfellas" to "Age of Innocence" and "The Last Temptation of Christ," springboarding commentary on Jesus as a character and Greek culture (48:32–50:47).
• UPN Show Nostalgia: Riffing on “Girlfriends”—the "Black Sex and the City" produced by Kelsey Grammer—as an example of how pop TV crossed cultural lines (54:59–55:28).
• British vs. American Cultural Bits: Wordplay around “cunt” and American perceptions of Frasier as “British” (56:05–56:22).

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Advice Takeaways & Podcast Energy

• The trio keeps their tone absurd, irreverent, and affectionate—a mix of real advice, inside-joke razzing, and genuine empathy for fans’ problems.
• They blend deep honesty about career pain, physical frailty, and the changing tides of culture with the kind of ragged optimism that bonds old friends.

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Timestamps: Highlighted Segments

• Comedy injuries & the fate of the special: 01:14–23:15
• The state of modern comedy & content theft: 02:38–06:14, 43:03–46:19
• Comedy special postponement & resignation: 17:35–23:15, 46:19–48:32
• Voicemail advice (EMS partner): 62:00–72:46
• Voicemail advice (home-cooking cravings): 73:08–83:34
• Voicemail advice (sister's secret): 84:26–92:14
• Herpes-safe oral sex: 93:41–96:13

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Notable Guest Plugs

• Joe List – Documentary Portrait of a Comedian on punchuplive.com, UK dates in Belfast, Skankfest doc in progress.
• JP McDade – “McDade Baby” videos on YouTube and Instagram.

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Closing Note

Despite setbacks, injuries, and the surreal pace of internet comedy, Stavros and friends keep the vibe playful, honest, and full of love for comedy and listeners alike.

"No broken arm is going to stop me from entertaining you guys while you do your dishes and walk your dog." – Stavros

Upcoming: Baltimore Special Recording July 18-19, 2026 – tickets still on sale!

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For more advice, riffs, and hangout comedy, call 904-800-STAV and be part of Stavvy’s World.

Transcript

[Gabby Windy]

Hi, I'm Gabby Windy with Long Winded. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm desperate. I'm desperate for your attention in any way possible. So listen to my podcast, won't ya? It has great insights, exceptional humor, and plenty of pop culture to fill your dark souls. And some even say it's a great way to fall asleep due to my soothing voice. And I don't take that personally. Fall asleep. A listen is a listen, even when you're sleeping. And a view is a view, even with your eyes closed, if you dare. And it doesn't take much gumption. Enjoy. Listen to Long Winded. Wherever you get your podcasts, you've never been one to settle. Stand down or stand still. You're a lifelong learner, energized by excellence. There's a fire inside you you can't ignore. You've got competition to outrun, momentum to build on, and your own high standards to meet. Stop A chance at Capella University. We help you catch what you're chasing because you've always had the drive. Now go earn the degree. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit Capella Edu to learn more.

[Stavros Halkias]

Welcome everybody. To stop his world. 904-800-stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. You may have heard I broke my arm

[JP McDade]

Brace Brothers, activate.

[Stavros Halkias]

And now we have jp. Now I know how JP lives. And so I just. And we still have to entertain you find people. So I just figured, let's get my Brace brother and one of my best pals, Joe Liss on here.

[Elders]

Oh, that's nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you get the. You get the cheer, Joe.

[Elders]

Thank you. By the way, I'm trying to be get the title for most frequented guests. And then you brought my biggest rival.

[JP McDade]

That's right.

[Elders]

I didn't even gain any footage. It's annoying. I sent it to Sarah was like, what the is.

[JP McDade]

I'm the Patreon prince. You're the free episode.

[Stavros Halkias]

You are the prince.

[Elders]

Why Patreon? I lost my Patreon again.

[Stavros Halkias]

By the way.

[Elders]

There's a lot of people upset that you've been patreoning them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who are you? You're probably just talking about Ron on. Is that right?

[Elders]

Well, I don't want to.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is that maybe the only guy you. I think about who your most annoying friend is.

[Elders]

I love those moments where you try to like, what do you call it? Anonymously bait. And then you just nail it. Yeah, I'm like, hey, I know someone that's upset with you.

[JP McDade]

Mentalist. Figuring out immediately who you're talking about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we're. We're very pre recorded. What do you want from me?

[JP McDade]

Listen, some of us know that our comedy is good enough to go behind a paywall.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right, jp. Yeah. Sometimes you got to pull yourself by your Patreon bootstraps. I'm a comedy Republican. I am a overall leftist, but I'm a comedy Republican. Earn your own keep, okay? No handouts.

[Elders]

Well, that's the thing about comedy. Everyone was like, hey, we're getting rid of all these gatekeepers. Which we did. But now the comedians are the gatekeepers

[Stavros Halkias]

and we're maybe the stupid people.

[JP McDade]

We're worse at gatekeeping than the gatekeepers.

[Stavros Halkias]

A computer programmed by people that don't understand humanity are now the gatekeepers.

[Elders]

That's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like they decide what goes fucking viral. It was funny that that one guy that like fat Canadian idiot who's like trying to be like, who? A Canadian who's trying to be conservative. Like, that's how pathetic the state of comedy has got that now Canadians are being racist.

[JP McDade]

It's hard to be that fat and not be funny.

[Elders]

Yeah. Who are we talking about?

[Stavros Halkias]

There was a crowd where clip. And by the way, I'm very sorry for part in this, everyone. I do want to make a that. I saw that clip and I was like, I'm not getting into heaven. I was like, this is my fault. I was like, I need to commit supuku on this. On the steps of the Comedy Cellar before.

[JP McDade]

You're like Oppenheimer visiting the White House after the atom bomb was dropped. Harry Truman's like, get that out of here.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm sorry. I just wanted to promote my YouTube special. I had no idea what I was going to unleash. It's refillable. It was just something where a guy accused a completely silent woman of being triggered. He was bombing so bad at crowd work and he was just saying, what are you triggered? And this lady was just being quiet.

[JP McDade]

She didn't laugh. She made a face and she just kind of sat there stone faced. And he just like played this whole scenario in his head of like talking to her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

How annoying she would theoretically be.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly. Exactly. It's like, you know, it's like these, these. It's just like this rightward turn to just. That's the problem is the gatekeepers are algorithms. So now people just do whatever gets you attention.

[Elders]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

And there's no doubt about it, every algorithm pushes political. I asked with no question.

[Elders]

I asked chat GPT what algorithm thing? I was like, you Gotta start with the punchline.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, punchline.

[Stavros Halkias]

First computer was like, let's get the rest.

[Elders]

So you gotta be like, right in her.

[JP McDade]

Oh, my God.

[Elders]

Anyways, so I was talking to this woman and I said, where should I come? It's like Jeopardy. Style.

[Stavros Halkias]

Truly, we have. We have completely slipped.

[JP McDade]

Do your setup in the form of a punchline. People literally took that advice where they start their clips online with the good part, and then they get back around like a Quentin Tarantino. Start in the middle.

[Stavros Halkias]

Something. A clip like that did get me. Where a guy was telling a story about Stevie Wonder having guns in his house. And it started with Stevie Wonder pulls a book from a bookshelf. Whole. The whole. Now it turns around and it's all yamin ery. And he said he's claiming that Stevie Wonder had a Scooby Doo style bookcase that you flip around and automatic weapons.

[Elders]

Is that true?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. But it was an awesome story about Stevie Wonder putting a gun in a guy's mouth and they clicked the button and it went bang. Like Stevie Wonders the joker, apparently, according to this guy.

[JP McDade]

But anyway, and no disrespect to any of our friends who have done very good characters making fun of their parents. I've done it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[JP McDade]

If any of us did a character. Repeated character on Instagram or whatever where it was just like saying things your parents say. 20 million followers in. In days.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

They would be like, just try it. Just refilling that. That is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Joe does it. He just keeps saying the N word over and over again. Get off my freaking lawn.

[Elders]

He's blacks. Like Midwest. I don't know.

[JP McDade]

They shouldn't be. They shouldn't be riding buses. Oh, I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Black people don't. You know. Oh, we really got to get them out. The one. The nice Minnesotan lady who actually supports ice. I think it's good they're rounding up children.

[Elders]

There's got to be more than one.

[JP McDade]

I bet.

[Elders]

I bet there's a chunk of that

[Stavros Halkias]

talk like that that were pro ice.

[Elders]

Oh, absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think the funniest part of Minnesota is how many of nice little, like, ladies that talk like that were ready to throw Molotov cocktails at cops like they are MSNBC moms now that they. These. They. They're like, wearing Che Guevara shirts. These are going full sickle and hammer. It's kind of awk.

[JP McDade]

They're putting that blue dye streak and just loading up the guns.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would love to serve in a fucking militia, but like some fat, lesbian Minnesotan lady That would be awesome. Someday we'll get there in a couple

[JP McDade]

years strapped on the dead homies.

[Stavros Halkias]

But yes, I'm licking my wounds here, folks. Sorry to everyone for postponing the special.

[Elders]

So what happens?

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, it. There is no way to make this story not embarrassing. I just fell off a scooter. There's no. There was no, like, Bobby. Bobby off a scooter.

[Elders]

That's how he broke his leg.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was a lime scooter.

[Elders]

No, but I mean, this is like the 90s, for God's sakes, with, like, rubber tires. Isn't that how Bobby broke his leg on Tourgasm?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't.

[JP McDade]

No, he's playing football. It was. It was like flag football or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

They had to change it so he seemed less gay.

[Elders]

Oh, oh, he rode a scooter. That's what I'm thinking about.

[Stavros Halkias]

The mobility scooter. That's what it was.

[Elders]

Although Sarah and I, we watched it

[Stavros Halkias]

during COVID It's pretty fun seeing Bobby and. Yeah, I mean, the comedy is tough, but seeing Bobby in like, bedazzled vests. Yeah, so funny.

[JP McDade]

Seven jeans.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, he's wearing. So, yeah, he's. He's wearing like the jeans 2 Chains wears. And he's got. And he's got like a Kangol hat on this Bobby's style.

[JP McDade]

He was kind of coming out of his black comic era.

[Stavros Halkias]

He really was.

[JP McDade]

He really was evolution to see. But, yeah, I injured my knee the same way Tom Segura at the same injury, the patellar tendon. But I was going way faster for the rest.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, you were. You were a lot more explosive.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, just putting that out there.

[Stavros Halkias]

But this, it's. Yeah, for sure. But, dude, it was so stupid. Where I get to my house, I drive to Baltimore. I get there a day early because I'm like, oh, I want to spend some time with my family, see my nephew. I had this beautiful Wednesday planned out where I was going to go play with my nephew, do PT for my back. A different injury that I just have to put on the back burner right now.

[JP McDade]

Unrelated PT I was.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was going to do unrelated PT at my brother's gym.

[Elders]

The Back Burner.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. That's fucking good start.

[JP McDade]

I'm mercy Kill. Stop. His quality of life was zero.

[Elders]

I got the tv, I take the podcast.

[JP McDade]

I. I slide into that chair. Yeah.

[Elders]

Good luck getting them out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Keep going, Keep going. We have visible gas. Has to get. We have to get paid for the invisible ad. I already spent the twisted tea money. We gotta get this ad out there, this episode must go on. The show must go on. I'm really leveraged right now. I have a lot of deep with the Sharks dipping. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

My poker habit is how to control.

[Stavros Halkias]

I lost $40,000 in Atlantic City last night.

[JP McDade]

I'm selling plasma.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God, Elders. If I died, Elders would be so sad about his life first and me second. He'd be like, fuck, I have to get a real job. We can't do that.

[Elvis]

We're gonna get you up no matter what, man.

[JP McDade]

JP just doesn't have the name Recog.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's like, JP, I'm gonna need you to gain 200 pounds.

[Elvis]

Start adding butter to all of JP's meals.

[JP McDade]

Dressing me up in your clothes.

[Elvis]

JP everywhere.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hawaiians, eldest, fucking DMS, Ben Bankus. He's like, I know how we can do this. It's worked for me before. I've shepherded a fat idiot through, made him famous. Elvis pretends he's my manager and he can fucking make I have the blueprint. I have the blueprint. Come with me. And then he starts trying to be a lib. He starts trying to do leftist talking half heartedly, but he's too stupid to even do that.

[JP McDade]

Oh, this is like the director slash butler from Sunset Boulevard. I made him wait.

[Elders]

Did you lose your camera?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's on the Mac.

[Elvis]

That's the beep you heard earlier.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was the album booth.

[JP McDade]

It's from a piece of technology from 2004.

[Elders]

I thought you took his camera away.

[Stavros Halkias]

He was getting too. His profile was getting too big.

[Elvis]

I'm only off screen now.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I start bringing different producers to compete with Eldon. I might. We do actually need a backup producer.

[JP McDade]

Shelby. This is Shelby. He's going to be doing a couple episodes. Do a Bobby.

[Elders]

Bobby's got like six guys for every podcast. We have three. We do a podcast. We have three people. It doesn't make any. We used to have four. We fired one. We had one producer for every dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

I got associate producers, I got executive producers. Yeah, yeah. He really just. Anyone who emails him, he allows him to be a producer.

[Elders]

I feel like, dude, you don't get it. I need multiple people to yell at.

[Stavros Halkias]

He is a genius for that. Because that is true. We've been the one guy with him before. Both of us have.

[JP McDade]

Elvis is going to hire more producers for that reason. So he can just trickle downstream.

[Stavros Halkias]

Eldest is shaking in his boots. Because if we got a like part time producer, it would probably be someone who knows how this works and they would instantly, within one Minute. Improve everything.

[Elders]

Get a chick with tits. Now we're talking younger than you're thinking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, now.

[Elvis]

Now I'm kind of on board.

[Stavros Halkias]

He' doesn't realize a hot woman could also be better at his job than him.

[Elvis]

Someone who's easy. Easier to sexually harass.

[Elders]

That's what I'm saying.

[Stavros Halkias]

Elders is thinking Albanian. This is when the Albanian brain kicks in. Yes. Get girl here. She suck dick. She be quiet. Good, good.

[Elvis]

She could never get promoted.

[Stavros Halkias]

No promotion for I, number one eldest strong mule producer.

[JP McDade]

It is against Islamic law to pay her eldest get all the money.

[Elders]

Let me tell you. There was old club owner who I think still exists. I'll say his name to you afterwards. But he was of some kind of. I think he might have been gre. Greek, actually.

[Stavros Halkias]

That makes sense.

[Elders]

But he was referring to women to me as. As. Instead of. He's like. Like. Instead of like. Which would have been bad enough, like substance. He's like, you get cuned. Literally. And I was like, what is it? What? He's like, you get cunt back home? I was like, do you smack at home? I was like, I have a girlfriend. Oh, dude. It's the only person I've ever heard

[Stavros Halkias]

refer to, you know. He's trying to make it more positive than negative, I suppose.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, that's in the British way, kind of.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's. No, I feel like in the British way, it's almost like.

[JP McDade]

It's always singular. It's always like, he's a good cunt.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

Right.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That. It really is just. Cunt is just in England.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyway, that's well trod territory. But it is. It is very funny to see, like,

[Elders]

what they call cigarettes. Have you heard this?

[JP McDade]

Elvis. Google it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That. I mean, that is what the Internet has become now is just fun facts from like 20 years ago over and over and over again. It's like, did you know we're closer to the Roman Empire than the Roman Empire was to Egypt? To, like the Pharaohs? And it's like, yeah, that was awesome when I saw that on a textbook junior year. But it goes viral every. You know.

[Elders]

But have you seen boobies spelled out on a calculator?

[JP McDade]

Yeah. Only 90s kids will know.

[Stavros Halkias]

What? Oh, man. So you're on a scooter. So I'm on a scooter. And here's the fucking stupidest. It's always something dumb as hell, right? Where the whole reason I'm on the fucking scooter is because my key. My keypad doesn't work in My house and my friend has a spare key. She's a 50 minute walk away. Beautiful day. I'm like, I'm gonna go for a stroll. I was trying to be healthy, so I had like pre ordered groceries to come to my house. I was gonna make chicken and peps to fuel me for the special. My classic dish, check out Stavi gets ripped, everyone. New season coming as soon as I heal from this and my slipped disc. Anyway, so I order the. So as I'm walking to my friend's place to get the key, I get the notification that the groceries are about to be delivered. And I'm like, fuck. I can't have my ground chicken and low calorie ice cream melt and go bad.

[JP McDade]

You call out the Knight Rider like,

[Stavros Halkias]

I wish I had the bat wing, dude. I wish I could fucking call up and get it. So I see a fucking scooter on my walk. I'm like, great pop on the scooter. Problem is, it's a windy day. I'm wearing my limited edition Marty supreme cap and it's a dad hat. It's not firmly on my gigantic head. It's windy, shit's going. I'm like, all right, next red light, I'm gonna stop and get this hat. I. I make a light, whatever. I see a guy who's making a U turn, so I kind of divot. The guy who's making the U turn is a fan. He's like, hey, what's up dude? I'm like, what's up dude? And then as I kind of already am making a kind of risky move, kind of, you know, doing a point on a scooter, the wind takes my hat. I hit a little divot in the road. I instinctively grab my hat, the thing goes into the divot in the road. I fucking bump and I just fucking fly out. And I guess I went out. I just landed my whole weight on my, on my arm. And literally I'm like, haha. Just a little bruise. Like, you know, for the guy that's the most embarrassing part. A fan who looks just like, exactly like me, just another fat guy in a, you know, in a flannel or whatever sees me and I'm just like on the ground. He's like, it goes from delightful moment to him being like, oh my God. He was like, are you okay? I was like, I'm good, I'm okay. Go away, please. I'm just thinking about my three years of work going down the drain. And in my head I'm like, fuck is my. Because Like, I'm worried about my back. I'm not even thinking about my arm. I'm like, I just fell off a scooter. When they told me to be extra careful with my fucking back for now, I fall. I'm like, what if I can't move again? What if I had just gotten cortisone shots in my back? I was like, what if that something up? Who knows? And I'm worried about my back. And so for two hours, I'm just like, oh, I guess I bruised my arm. Arm. And then I just went to do, like, to move my arm like this. Like, you know, just twist it, pronate it, whatever, for those listening. And it was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. And I was supernate. And I was like, oh, fuck. And I went to the emergency room hoping it was just a bone bruise. The doctor at the fucking emergency room misreads the X ray. Oh. Says it's fine. They send me home wrapped up. Anyway, they're like, go get it. Cause they're like. So now I'm thinking, fuck, it's an mri.

[Elders]

Thanks, Obamacare.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, thank you. Thanks, Mondani. Anyway, and so. And so I'm like, fuck, I tore. I tore the ligaments in my fucking elbow. I'm fucked, you know, for forever. I get a call the next day. They're like, hey, it's actually just broken. Which at that point in my head, I'm like, that's actually good news because I'm like, great, put a cast on it. And I'll make a joke out of it. You know, I've had a broken arm before. I'm like, it's in two days. You throw a cast on. I'll be good. And. And then I get there, and they're like, oh, no. You've got the kind of break that. That you can't put a cast on. You have to. You have to put it in a brace, and you also have to move it four times a day or it'll stick. It.

[Elders]

It'll.

[Stavros Halkias]

It'll heal the way it is, but it'll stick the way if you. Unless you move it every day, you'll lose your mobility. So I had to kind of.

[Elders]

Robinson.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

I'm stroke arm Calvin. Straightest driver in the history of the PGA Tour. But go on.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Anyway, so. So that's basically what happened. I got fucked. And then I was like, okay, great. So listen, I have a fucking stand up, and all these people are, like, talking to me. I'm like, yeah, yeah, Whatever, whatever. I'm not listening about the long term stuff because in my head I'm like, I don't want to lose hundreds of thousands of fucking dollars because I have a huge production about to happen. So I'm like, so anyway, I need you to inject me with that stuff. I see them put in football players. I was like, can you just inject it? So I'm completely numb in my left arm for two days.

[JP McDade]

Whatever Hitler was taking in 45.

[Stavros Halkias]

What are they using to keep Joe Biden alive? What are they injected? Joe Biden's brainstem right before the debates. Put that in my left arm for the special?

[Elders]

Something better than that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, actually, you're right. Yeah, you're right. Maybe one of the first. Anyway, whatever. Give me pre. Give me sexually harassing 70s Joe Biden juice. Anyway, the point is, I go. I tell this lady, like, hey, can you inject me with whatever they get? I literally was like, you know what they give football players when, like, their ankle is shattered and they still want to play in the Super Bowl? And she's like, what?

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's like, what the fuck are you talking about? What do you think real life is? NFL Blitz?

[JP McDade]

Varsity Blues, ladies?

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm like, you know, seen any given Sunday, right?

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she's just looking at me like I'm the dumbest guy of all time. She's like. She's like, no. She's like, just put it on. People break their arms. And then I start crying when she's like. When she's like, you can't.

[Elders]

I'm eating over here.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then I'm like, I wasn't like. But I started tearing up. I'm like, that doesn't exist.

[JP McDade]

Want to go?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

I didn't know this part.

[Elders]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, all right. I start tearing up because I start seeing the. The culmination of my special go down the drain. I'm like, I can't do it the way I want to.

[JP McDade]

I actually love that.

[Stavros Halkias]

And now.

[Elders]

Why can't you do it like this, though? I don't get it.

[Stavros Halkias]

I.

[JP McDade]

You wouldn't be at full strength.

[Stavros Halkias]

I might be able to, but it happened. It was like I break my arm, and the next day we have to go set the special up. And the day after that, I have to do it. So now I can do this. The first. The first two days, it was like, if I moved it this much, I was like, ah.

[Elders]

Oh, God.

[Stavros Halkias]

So. So that's why I was like, give me a. I literally asked her for a nerve block which is. You know, which is what happens before they like amputate your.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They have. Before they do surgery or they amputate your thing. They give you a nerve block. And she was like, you don't get a nerve block for. Cuz the thing. The worst part is this isn't that bad. Even though it's a painful injury, because I have to move it. It's not a bad injury. It actually heals. It was purely the timing that me. If this happened one week earlier, I just do the special.

[JP McDade]

You would have been in the middle of the joke and be like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

Where's the break up here?

[Stavros Halkias]

Break is like right. Right by my elbow. Right under my elbow. And so. Yeah, yeah. It's so up did it go? I didn't. It just.

[JP McDade]

It's like where this upper or inside bone meets the elbow. Correct. Because you said radial.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it's a radial head break. Something like that.

[Elders]

The radial.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

You know, I have one of those in my car.

[JP McDade]

Makes you a retarded footballer.

[Elders]

But.

[Stavros Halkias]

But that. Then I did feel like such a. And I did feel like a pussy for crying. Because I love stand up so much. And then the next day after I. It's kind of romantic after I had canceled. After I. After I canceled the special. And thank, by the way, I'm really sorry everybody in Baltimore. But also thank you to the Lyric. Doing it in Baltimore saved my life because everybody played ball. They were basically like, no, no worries. We'll just do it in July. We found a date that works. July 18th and 19th. Please come out. If you have to get a refund, I get it. But now it opens it up for people that didn't get tickets because we were. Dude, we ever sold out four shows at the Lyric. 8, 000 tickets for a special. I felt so good. So guys, we still want it full to the brim. Please buy your tickets. I love you, Baltimore. And I do love Baltimore. Because everybody. Every vendor, everybody that we had hired, every. Like, they were like, no worries, you know, I'm out the money that like bringing people over. And there were some things I couldn't get a refund on. But. But at the end of the day, I didn't lose the whole budget, which is what I was worried about. So shout out to my hometown for taking care of me. I love you.

[Elders]

That was my applause.

[Elvis]

We're fast and loose with those over here.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But. Yeah, so I'll be fine. It's just also the timing is just horrible. Cause I postponed the Special. And then I'm shooting a movie and I had to just go. I was shooting something where I had to keep my arm propped up and I took the brace off. Cause if I can prop it, whatever as. I just don't know, you know, I'm stupid. I just told them wrong information and I'm just riffing and I'm like, it's so much.

[JP McDade]

I was filming a movie about cross country skiing all day.

[Stavros Halkias]

But anyway, we'll persevere. Thank you to everybody for buying tickets. Who's. Who's bought tickets and sorry to everybody who can't make it to the. To the new one. But it's still going to be a banger. But that's how I got my ass. That's what I get for trying to be a fat man. A 37.

[Elders]

You in the ass

[Stavros Halkias]

pain. The guy came over my ass.

[Elders]

I can't imagine if I'm in like driving down the street and like Eddie Veter is walking by and then just falls and breaks his ankle.

[JP McDade]

He falls out.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm going to kill myself.

[Elders]

I lost life.

[JP McDade]

I just up my.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude. So whatever. It's. It sucks. But you know people with much harder jobs, their arms up. So I'll be okay.

[JP McDade]

Dude on every job site whose ACL tore 25 years ago. And he walks with like a circular motion of his leg and still works.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he's 10 hours a day. So strong.

[JP McDade]

And he does carry a fridge.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. He's a 42 guy with a. With the weirdest gate you've ever seen in your life. Like a 1 inch difference limp imp. And he's still, you know, climbing on here legally.

[Elders]

Fellas, think about it. Maybe think about it.

[JP McDade]

He got all the health care benefits.

[Stavros Halkias]

Something to think about folks. Did you ever. I mean you obviously have a up. You. You very famously your knee up dunking,

[JP McDade]

throwing it down windmill. The 360. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. But you missed the whole tour. As a result. You missed the bus. So we've. We're really decimated by injury here. Yeah, it's crazy. And eldest was going to PT for his knee tomorrow.

[JP McDade]

Good.

[Dominic]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

I bet you have a meniscus tear or something. People often have meniscus tears. They don't realize it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's.

[Elvis]

It's been give pain like in pain for.

[Stavros Halkias]

For a while now.

[JP McDade]

He was playing herd at Radio City. He's got the up right knee. I got the up left.

[Stavros Halkias]

Elders is the king of weird. He had an ankle sprain that basically he had to move back to Baltimore for. For like Six months.

[Elvis]

Yeah, I just stopped going to my old job and like let my mom nurse me back to health for like four months without.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just moved to New York and where I was taking Elvis in my fucking shitty hunt. My 97 Honda Civic. Yeah, I remember that was like my welcome to New York moment was seeing Eldis on all fours going up the steps.

[Elvis]

Yeah, that was. It was pathetic too because I didn't tell my family for like a week after it happened.

[Stavros Halkias]

I was his nerves.

[Elvis]

Just see how this goes.

[JP McDade]

You can't show weakness to an Albanian family. Kill you like the runt of the litter, they'll throw you off a flip side.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, don't spray me. Or have black friends.

[JP McDade]

She is lame.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or you are out of family. But yes, you eldest. So we elders and you had some weird on your. Your shoulder or all last tour, remember?

[Elvis]

Oh yeah. I fell because I was like, like, like speed walking to get to the Airbnb in Columbia, Missouri.

[JP McDade]

Because I really had running man.

[Elvis]

Because I really had to take a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I was like walking fast and

[Elvis]

I miss the curve.

[JP McDade]

You gave me one guess as to why he was speed walking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you didn't have to finish that sentence. Elders, everyone knew why you were speed walking.

[JP McDade]

When he gets those hips going.

[Elvis]

Yeah, I felt. I felt like I missed the curb and I just fell on my forearm. That just like me for like two months. No, I made it.

[JP McDade]

He's got a. For all his faults. Powerful sphincter on the kid. Have you up yourself in a way that impacted your comedy career. Career.

[Elders]

No, I mean I've sprained my ankle. By the way, I'm the oldest one here. I'm the healthiest guy this is. You guys are coming apart at the sins terrible. I sprained my ankle on graduation day, high school. I didn't go to any college obviously, but the day I graduated I was all pumped and I was listening. We were playing volleyball and brown sugar was on and I was doing a Mick Jagger and there was like a ditch in the. I think my father put it there and I just. I was like brown sugar bow like a shotgun. And so like for. It was very metaphoric miracle or symbolic. Like 40 minutes after I graduated's gonna suck now. I was just in the hospital and. What?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, it was like your high school graduation party.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah. I was like, we finished. We graduated and went straight to my parents house.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you're having a barbecue, you're playing volleyball. Congrats Joe on out.

[JP McDade]

It's all downhill from here.

[Elders]

And my girlfriend at the time had painted my toenails mint green. And they were like, we gotta take the sock all the way off. And we. They pulled it off. My father was. Is it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Put it on. Put it back on. You're on your own, kid. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

No painkillers for you.

[Elders]

And then when I was sleeping, he shaved all my hair off. Said, wait till the army gets you.

[Stavros Halkias]

You just wake up at basic training. You're like, huh? What the.

[JP McDade]

Oh, he. He can't enlist. He's a little light in the loafers. Don't ask, don't tell.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that. That would be smart to go to your donut. Your army, Me, Recruitment. With painted toenails.

[JP McDade]

It's like a subtle Robin Williams joke in whatever. Whatever movies. Like, I haven't sashayed since I was in front of the draft board.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. Oh, is it. Is it Mrs. Doubtfire?

[JP McDade]

I think it was Mrs. Telling him to walk.

[Stavros Halkias]

Harvey Firestein is telling.

[Elders]

No, it's the other one. What's the other one? Where he's supposed to be in the birdcage.

[JP McDade]

He plays strange. He pretends to be straight. He walks like John Wayne.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a great. That's a great.

[JP McDade]

Get off your horse and you head into the saloon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

And somebody pointed out, which is hilarious. Serious. The Robin Williams in the Birdcage and Ace Ventura have the exact same outfit.

[JP McDade]

Yes.

[Elders]

They're just exactly the same.

[JP McDade]

100.

[Elders]

Very funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is funny. Because nothing about Ace Ventura feels gay. And everything about Robin Williams in that movie feels gay.

[Elders]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's good acting, baby. Because sometimes the clothes can really.

[JP McDade]

It's gay and powerful versus straight and flamboyant. Yeah, Straight Venture is a flamboyant straight.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's straight. In like, he.

[JP McDade]

The dog out of that lady. In that one scene, he's really plowing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Courtney Cox.

[JP McDade]

Yeah. He plows her like seven or eight.

[Stavros Halkias]

He does her nice in that.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

As all the animals are there.

[Elders]

Primo. Courtney Cox, too.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Now that I had this question the other day. Did that song have sexual undertones before that? Cuz now that means sex.

[JP McDade]

The mighty jungle.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The line.

[JP McDade]

I guess a woman with an unshaved bush, that's her mighty jungle. That's very.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, in the jungle, the mighty

[JP McDade]

jungle, the lion sleeps.

[Stavros Halkias]

He sleeps. Does he sleep after getting el. Just look this.

[Elders]

Look the. Maybe it's a rape song.

[Stavros Halkias]

A rape song?

[Elders]

Yeah, they, like, put him to sleep, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

They raped the lion. Yeah.

[Elders]

He's sleeping.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's sleeping in the. So Cosby rapes the lion you know

[Elders]

that lion rape street joke?

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't remember that.

[Elders]

Joe, you know that joke?

[JP McDade]

I don't think so.

[Stavros Halkias]

A lion rape.

[Elders]

There's a lion, he's running in the, the jungle or whatever and he's chasing a, I don't know, a rabbit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elders]

And the rabbit runs really fast and then the lion runs really fast and the line gets stuck down a hole. Like his head's down the hole with his ass in the air.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's like, help me step, bro, I'm stuck. The line is basically in the dishwasher in the washing. Yeah. You've seen that genre of pornography.

[Elders]

I have not, no.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you should check it out. Help me, I'm stuck.

[Elders]

I will check that out.

[Stavros Halkias]

And some glaze like, please help. And then somebody just her anyway you can.

[Elders]

But then a big bear comes. The big grizzly bear comes and he. The lion in the ass. He rapes the line in the ass and the lion's gone. Who's back there? I know it's you bear, you big bear, you piece of. And the bear's like, oh, shut up. And he holds his tail up and he comes all over his tail, tail. And then he takes. And the bear's like, I'm going to chase you down. I'm going to get you, I'm going to kill you. So the, the bear leaves after he comes on the lion and then he's going. And then the lion gets free and he's running. So the bear comes across a, A, a camper. Oh, campsite. And he scare, and he scares off the human being guy and he puts on the guy's hat and glasses and grabs his newspaper and a few seconds later the lion comes up to the thing and he goes, hey, have you seen big bear with gum all over his run by here? And the bear puts the newspaper down, looks over his glasses and says, oh, the bear that the lion in the ass. And the lion goes, it's in the paper already. That's basically. That's a great, great joke.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've never heard that, man.

[Elders]

Yeah, that's a fun one.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's good stuff. Isn't the paper already the fact that a lion talking to a person.

[JP McDade]

The existence of newspapers in the jungle.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's the jungle where a bear and lion are together.

[JP McDade]

They don't live in the same climate.

[Stavros Halkias]

A rabbit, not a, not a gazelle or something, whatever.

[Elders]

Also that he knows it's going to be in the paper eventually. He just can't believe it's made it in there already.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's an evening edition. He's not eating. The guy die for strength or anything because he's asking a human being if we've seen a gay bear.

[Elders]

Well, the bear. The bear is in the costume. I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

What I'm saying is the lion is. He's not eating a. He thinks he's a man.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he's asking him for directions. He's asking him for help. He's. For. Now this guy's Dr. Dolittle or something.

[Elders]

I see.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's a lot of great elements that only enhance the joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Elders]

It's. It's good fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's good fun. So you. So just the sprained ankle and then

[Elders]

I sprained it again later. But yeah, no broken bones. Knock on.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's wood in there.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Never a break, huh? No, I know it feels stupid because a break is a little kid's injury. Like meniscus, that's a man's injury. You know, I mean, ligaments, that's for a man.

[JP McDade]

Bulging.

[Stavros Halkias]

Break your arm off a scooter.

[JP McDade]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what a seven year old does. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

You fell off a razor.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude. It's literally like an injury that a fucking grown man should not get.

[Elders]

But I haven't even heard of anyone with a broken arm in a long time.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, it's fucking. I feel so fucking pathetic. But you know, and it really makes you realize how fucked you are. How like anyone disabled at all, how fucked they are.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know that on some level. But it's like when you go. And also that every one of us is this close from some crazy shit happening. Yes. That completely changes your entire fucking life.

[Dominic]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's fucking insane. Dude.

[Elders]

We're all so close to pulling a U turn on a scooter with a pothole while pointing out to a fan.

[Stavros Halkias]

No. A stupid thing happening due to a series of dumb little events could change anyone's life.

[Elders]

That's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, but you know, we're per. Again, we're persevering. We're gonna get that going. And I am addicted to weed in crazy amounts again. Like I just take 100 milligrams and it feels like I took a 10 milligram.

[JP McDade]

It's for medicinal purpose.

[Stavros Halkias]

It really is though now because like now I have to. The pain at night is so bad. I just have to.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, you know what I mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

You have to turn your brain because now.

[JP McDade]

That's why I was taking the perks the first few nights that they gave me after the surgery. Just.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you have any leftover?

[JP McDade]

Don't worry about it.

[Elders]

I bet you could get.

[JP McDade]

What's it worth to you?

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, what. Name your price. Yeah. Eldest will suck your dick if you give me the perks.

[JP McDade]

You and Eldest are going ass to ass for my remaining perks.

[Stavros Halkias]

I didn't pull it out for air.

[Elders]

I was about to say that. That's so funny, but that line is just buried.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's incredible. I mean, Keith David saying that the most evil, like that's Satan. And I didn't pull out for air. Cinderella is like. That's what the devil would sound like. Oh. When he's having fun. Fun. That's fun. Devil, not devil. Cheeky devil. Not like, you know. I guess that's not exactly fun.

[Elders]

I can't think of the name of that movie right now.

[JP McDade]

Requirement.

[Elders]

God, my fucking brain is fried.

[Stavros Halkias]

God. Keith David is the fucking man.

[Elders]

Said Momento.

[Stavros Halkias]

Momento is pretty good.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love. Just a totally different movie, but yeah. I don't think. Is there a black person in Memento? I can't think of one off the top of my head. Pretty much everyone. Is Joey Pantoliano the fat guy at the front desk. Desk. Does he get. Oh, is the tattoo artist black or something? Anyway, look that up, El. Just figure that out. Did you ever figure out if in the jungle, if there's any sex undertones to.

[Elvis]

I have the lyrics. We could go verse.

[JP McDade]

A whole bunch of lyrics.

[Stavros Halkias]

We can go verse by verse. You didn't pre. Look at it while we were having the first two.

[Elvis]

The first two are like, you know, in the jungle, near the village. A peaceful village.

[Elders]

Whatever.

[Elvis]

The third verse is. My darling, don't fear, my darling the lion sleeps tonight Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling the lion sleeps tonight

[JP McDade]

don't get eaten by a lion. Undertones.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or maybe we're free to. Yeah, the lion is sleeping. Because you can't pause to. When the line. He might smell your. He might smell your. You might draw the lion to you.

[JP McDade]

But a woman comes, she goes, oh, we are mama way.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, so. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Is that kind of. Is that.

[Elvis]

I think so. I'm not saying anything definitive, but that's the vibe I get. I think Ace Ventura is a big part of it. And of course, all the sounds in the song sound very sexual.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's kind of the vibe we're not going to find in the lyrics. It's more vibe and undertones.

[Elvis]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Because it became a joke for people of my age. It was like if you saw two people holding hand you'd go. It was like a funny. Like it became that thing now it's. It means sex.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've always existed in a world where that song means sex to.

[JP McDade]

You know why it's spiritually linked with the Little Mermaid song. Like you guys got to kiss the girl. Whoa, whoa. It's like a very similar kind of almost Caribbean song.

[Elders]

This guy knows Little Mermaid.

[JP McDade]

Yeah. What do you put on when you have sex?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. I don't know every other song but that one from the Little Mermaid. I don't remember though that one. I remember the under the sea. And part of your world is a

[Elders]

pretty part of your world is that Little Mermaid.

[JP McDade]

Oh, who's gay now?

[Elders]

I didn't know that was. I had this.

[JP McDade]

Joe doesn't know. He just.

[Stavros Halkias]

We just listen to Broadway show tunes

[JP McDade]

with the original cast recording in my. In my CD player.

[Elders]

Part of your world.

[JP McDade]

I do not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Girls, I want to suck on a man's dick. Yeah. We don't need to have it be connected to the joke, guys. You could just. You could just make it gay.

[JP McDade]

That's a plug and play.

[Stavros Halkias]

A million dollar formula. That's the formula. That's the kfc. See? Secret blends and spices of st.

[JP McDade]

The herbs and spices.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. We took that. That's the one thing we carried over from comptown. When in doubt, sing something gay.

[Elders]

Come on my back. Don't clean it off.

[Stavros Halkias]

Joe wants to peel it off a couple days later. Super. Scratch it off

[JP McDade]

like a. Like a bear on a tree.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it's all gone full circle now

[JP McDade]

with the bear and the bear. The guy.

[Elders]

Ye.

[JP McDade]

That very same bear.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Elvis]

That's looking inconclusive. I don't think so. Okay, but I gotta search.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tattoo, why don't we get to the IMDb I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but, you know, maybe go somewhere where they list the whole fucking cast and see if anyone's black. I just saw speaking. Oh, wait, no, that's. That's Nolan.

[Elders]

I was Christopher Nolan as Memento. That's why I think Requiem for who directed Requiem for Dream. That's what's his toes. Is that Aaron is who did Reckon for a Dream?

[JP McDade]

The same guy who did Diane Darko.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, maybe I don't remember. Because I want to say somebody who it definitely isn't because it is Aronofsky. Yeah, good pool.

[JP McDade]

Fun name to say. Darren Aronofsky.

[Stavros Halkias]

Darren Aronofsky again. Shout out to the Whale. One of the funniest movies ever made.

[JP McDade]

I saw it on a plane with someone else watching it, and I was cracking up at the end.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was me and Else we're laughing so hard. We held hands and laughed at the end.

[JP McDade]

So was I with you guys, one of you watching it?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think you were behind us because we were next to each other and

[JP McDade]

I. I remember seeing that last scene and hearing you cackle. Yeah, it was so funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was. It was on a trip where all three of us were together. But he's got some bangers, though. The wrestler, you know, Black Swan. Great movies. For some reason, I was thinking Momento is thinking fucking the Wachowskis, but they have nothing to do with that.

[JP McDade]

I think I was known.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. I don't know why I'm thinking them. I did see Yurcy Speed Racer. I mean, I know you did.

[Elders]

I don't think so. It's good with allele of Meal Hirsch. Yeah.

[Elvis]

Meal Hirsch.

[Elders]

No, they.

[Stavros Halkias]

They re. Released it on 420 on IMAX and we went and saw it.

[JP McDade]

It rips.

[Elders]

Oh, fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I'm shocked. You never. Because you're a very sporty guy. I'm shocked. You never had any injuries, you know, because my. I would. You know, I've. Me and my family each other up.

[JP McDade]

I think we're kind of cut from the same genetic line, and I. I don't think I've ever had a. A bone break either, really. I've had other injuries. I've had maybe little cracks in my bones, but never like a significant one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Any pull? What, were we pulling hammies or. Are you just an iron man? Are you Cal Ripken?

[Elders]

No, no, real injury. I mean, I had a calf strain, I think, doing mma. I remember being like, yeah, yeah, that was a bummer. But that was like, not.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was you just jacking off in the locker room.

[Elders]

Yeah, yeah.

[JP McDade]

You. You were on your toes, peeking over the stall to look at someone. Ah, calf strain.

[Elders]

No, I remember doing that, but that was just like kind of a limp for a couple days. But I do yoga, you know, I'm a big.

[Stavros Halkias]

You are Very healthy.

[JP McDade]

Yoga. That. That sounds like it rocks.

[Elders]

I think I've been doing hot yoga the last few days. Yesterday I did it back to back days, and then la yester so depleted afterwards. I got the baby and all that. But, yeah, yoga rules. And the chicks are just so hot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you. You're a great yoga joke. I'm always jealous of it.

[Elders]

Oh, thanks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because I. I'm. Every time I take a yoga class, I'm like, I gotta write a bit about this. And I just inevitably just end up stealing your bit in my head.

[Elders]

Oh, thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's Joe's.

[Elders]

Ah. Take it. It didn't do that much for me. It'll be much bigger in your hands.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I just start doing my friends great jokes from a few years ago and nobody gives a. That's how. That's how artistically bankrupt.

[Elders]

Yeah. Even notice people really do.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is crazy how people just steal ideas just non stop. There's no on online. There is. It's just the wild west. I think we're probably like 10 years not even ideas.

[JP McDade]

Execution as well. I've seen copies. There's like a lift in Uber of the same viral video for everything.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's crazy. I do think we're starting as it just. As that just becomes what art is. I think clearly the. The defining type of art in for this. For this like up and coming generation without question is video editing. Just editing in general. Editing was never like the premier thing. But that clearly is like this generations like rock and roll in my opinion. Like where it's like making edits. Making edits. Like we are. We are about to produce the best editors ever. Because these kids think like editors from the moment. That's how they interact with everything.

[JP McDade]

And it keeps getting easier to do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

As this generation gets older like they're gonna be unbelievable.

[Stavros Halkias]

But think it's gonna be a thing like vaudeville where it's like. You know when comedy first started you could just. There was a guy who made his career by just sending his agent to go that's a good gag. Pick that up. Put that in your act.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's kind of how people create viral careers now where they're like ooh, steal that. But I think as this just becomes cuz right now art is controlled by people who disdain short form video content. And we don't see it as real art.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But as they age into controlling culture and society, I think that's when we start having standards on plagiarism Internet content.

[JP McDade]

I hope so.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think so.

[JP McDade]

There's a thing like I had this video get like kind of viral of like doing an impression based on my dad of like an old guy talking about sports.

[Stavros Halkias]

I remember that's a great. That's a great character.

[JP McDade]

Yeah. And then some guy, I won't say who he is. He made a very similar character in the caption and has since gone on to become like famous from it. He's like character inspired by McDade baby. And I commented on. I was like so you just took my idea and made it worse. It's just like a shittier version of that. He Was like. I won't say. But he was like, through you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tell us if you would like us to put him on blast.

[JP McDade]

I'll tear him up right now. The attention economy and all.

[Stavros Halkias]

JP is too good a guy. I want to on this guy publicly. Dude, you dude. JP won't let me do it. But everybody say you to this guy.

[JP McDade]

Make one of the theoretical guy in your head.

[Stavros Halkias]

Go pick, go find. No, it wasn't me. Bleep that out. We've already taken enough shots on this episode. We don't need the. Really hide it because I know you're bad at your job. Don't make it be a short bleep where everybody can see my mouth clearly. Anyway, whatever. Who cares?

[JP McDade]

Everything sucks and we're all good.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I did, dude. And you know what? What? The best part, though, was the first couple days after break, when I did cancel the special, I was like, I just had three days of sitting on my couch with my arm iced and just watching movies. I was like. Was breaking my arm. Like, these three days are the best days I've had because I just got to chill. I didn't have responsibilities. I w. I could watch some movies. It was like Covid.

[Elders]

When Covid started, I was like, this is exactly what I needed.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For real. And now I have a week for off on the movie. I mean, we got to do some podcasts and shit. Because again, no broken arm is going to stop me from entertaining you guys while you do your dishes and walk your dog. Ok?

[Elders]

Even with a broken bone, Stavros can sit in the chair with his feet up and talk about coming.

[Stavros Halkias]

No properly braced bone break is going to stop.

[JP McDade]

The surgeons are like, you're not cleared to sit in the chair. Don't even think about it yet.

[Stavros Halkias]

To laugh at it at a lion getting his ass. You're not cleared to chuckle at a bear. A lion in the ass.

[Elders]

I would have been the paper that quick.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, it just shows you the state of journalism in this country. Man, when they wrote that joke, that was feasible.

[JP McDade]

It's not about who's right. It's about who's first.

[Stavros Halkias]

We don't have gay. Our gay sex forest division of the New York Times has been slashed ever since Bezos bought it. No one's reporting on animals on their. On each other's asses anymore.

[Elders]

I'm off social media. I deleted off my phone. I got no social media on my phone.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's my feeling.

[Elders]

Pretty good. It's pretty great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I did that for. I did that too. For. For the week. For the week where I was like, don't. You know when you break. When you do something as up. As shitty as, like, postpone a spirit? I was like, I don't need to be on the Internet for people being mad at me. So I took it off, and I think I'm gonna just keep it.

[Elders]

It's great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cause I. For a week I didn't have it. And then I put it back on for. I think I wanted to, like, post. I think I put it back on just to post. I don't know, some postponement thing. And then there was some reason last week I had to take it back. And for a day, I had just had it on my phone. I was so unhappy. And I was like, all right, right. It's gone. I don't give a. Eldest can post. Somebody else can post. But yeah, dude, I'm gonna just sit here broken. You know, sit up, feet up. I'm. I think I'm gonna go over all of Scorsese's filmography.

[JP McDade]

Oh, that's just Howard Hughes.

[Stavros Halkias]

The whole time.

[JP McDade]

Just pissing jars. Watch everything. Including the Aviator. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I wanted to. I'm gonna. I've never. Because I've seen all the gun stuff, but I didn't. I'm like stuff. You know, all the mafia movies. All the, like, cool, fun, fun ones.

[Elders]

But there's a. Goodfellows to. Gun stuff is really.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, but what I'm saying is Scorsese is such a. Of a varied filmmaker.

[Elders]

Sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

That I love all his. And not just the. You know, obviously, I've seen all the fun ones. To me, all the fun was the crime genre and then After Hours and. But I just, you know, I never

[Elders]

saw Age of Innocence.

[Stavros Halkias]

Age of Innocence, even New York. New York, because it's hard to find. Yeah. I want to see that.

[JP McDade]

Watch his Jesus movie or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

I did see Last Temptation of Christ because I got. I got really into that book.

[JP McDade]

The Bible.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, that ain't me, brother. I was reading it basically in my, like, annoying, you know, Ricky Gervais style atheist, just going, period.

[JP McDade]

But you think this happened?

[Stavros Halkias]

And it was. You know, he's a Greek. All kazatsaki is like a classic Greek. So I was like, all right, let me read Last Temptation. And it was great. A great book. And I was. That was the summer I had. I was working at Blockbuster.

[JP McDade]

It's about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, pretty much it. It's basically like, come on. That's the song that was playing when Jesus, Mary Magdalene in the Book. Oh, that would be a funny edit. I don't remember if he. Her and then. But yeah, Willem Dafoe is Jesus with Martin Scorsese. Come on. That's going to be. And then. And the best part is, who does Harvey Kite? Does he. Does he play Pontius Pilot or Judas? I don't even remember.

[JP McDade]

My hands are tied.

[Stavros Halkias]

Judas. Here's a gonna cost 30 pieces of silver. But, yeah, it's just Harvey. Keitel is just Harvey. Who does he play?

[Elvis]

He's Judas.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's Judas. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's the best part. He's the man.

[JP McDade]

Listen, you know, we grew up together, but, you know, Jesus, come on.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would never sell you out. You think I'd sell you out? You're my guy.

[JP McDade]

Jesus, I got debts. No honest man can.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Judas is Judas. Bet on the fucking Mets. He kept losing on the Mets. Another great Harvey Keitel performance. Go check out bad lieutenant, folks. Anyway, so, yeah, I'm gonna fucking crush the Scorsese filmography and just fucking watch Age of Innocence. Watch the ones about Jesus and shit like that in a. What's the one with fucking Andrew Garfield? I want to watch that one.

[JP McDade]

Oh, under the Silver Lake.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no. Yeah.

[Elders]

Scorsese directed that movie called the Journey or the Something. The Church, the Silence, Sile and the Journey.

[Stavros Halkias]

The Journey.

[Elders]

I don't know. It's a whole journey. I couldn't get through that thing.

[JP McDade]

There are all these theories about the movie under the Silver Lake, about how it was, like, shelved and, like, the promotion was canceled because it gave away too much about the entertainment, how Hollywood is run, how it actually works.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, honestly, I think they're probably right. Sorry, I'm just becoming stiff. I have something to say. Mr. McDade, that movie's awesome. And I do believe that that's how Hollywood is run. Getting this much into the entertainment industry industry, I'm like, whoa.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow, this is hilarious. How much crazy weird is happening around these? But, you know, someday I'd love to. Yeah. Because I know Silver Lake. The plot is basically Andrew Garfield, like, kind of falls in love, or he has a connection to this hot girl in his, you know, apartment building. Actually, I guess I shouldn't give it away.

[Elders]

Yeah, don't give it away.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[JP McDade]

She disappears one day and hijinks ensue.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. She disappears and becomes like a.

[Dominic]

A.

[JP McDade]

She gets stuck in a hole, and

[Stavros Halkias]

then she gets stuck in a washing machine. She's like, come help me, Andrew Garfield. And then he fucks her pussy in The Spider man costume.

[Elders]

What is it again?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's the. The genre is. It's stuck, I guess if I had to. Stuck in the washing machine and.

[Elders]

I don't know. Cuck. I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's not. I know you're. I know you have another great cuck joke about that. How you. How you just look like the guy cuck porn.

[JP McDade]

It's great, but you got to see it live.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not. I have no desire to watch somebody else. My girlfriend.

[JP McDade]

No, zero.

[Elders]

You've never had a girlfriend.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've had a girlfriend before, but I didn't meet her.

[Elders]

I've never, ever. Once I've known you 20 years, you never been like, this is Julie, my girlfriend. JP Is the closest thing. Or eldest, I should say.

[JP McDade]

What do you think Jay stands for? I put on a wig sometimes when I'm Julie Periwinkle. You think he keeps me around on the road because I'm a good hang?

[Elders]

Yeah, I. JP just arm in arm with a lady, show up at the Cellar.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, why would I do that? It's my place of work.

[Elders]

All right, well, we're friends. We are friends.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know you over. We've come. We hung out. Yes, you're right.

[JP McDade]

I bring the lady.

[Elders]

Marty still plays your car. He knows. My son, knows every person that gave him every gift.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell, yeah.

[Elders]

He's like, oh, st gave this to me.

[Stavros Halkias]

I got a hang.

[JP McDade]

Holy. What a. Mitch, that's crazy.

[Elders]

Yeah, it's pretty amazing.

[JP McDade]

I've never remembered my whole childhood. I never remembered one gift.

[Elders]

He remembers every single one.

[Stavros Halkias]

What a fucking good guy.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love. I love Marty, man. He's the man.

[Elders]

Yeah, he's all right.

[Stavros Halkias]

How's he doing? He's got any tricks?

[Elders]

He's good. He's. The other day, I was. I was sitting with him, and then Sarah sat down. He goes, mama, get off the couch. I go, marty, that's three. The crowd, Ma, that's not nice. He goes, please. He thought it wasn't nice because he didn't say please.

[JP McDade]

Please go stand in the laundry room.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's fellas night. Mom, we're watching the Celtics.

[Elders]

Did I tell you that one, too? Speaking of basketball, we're in the cab.

[JP McDade]

This.

[Elders]

This is a while ago. This is like a year ago. We were in the cab, and he just goes, basketball. And I looked. I thought there was going to be people playing basketball. It was literally just four black guys posing for a photo. They were, like, taking a photo, and he was like, oh, basketball.

[JP McDade]

He thought it. He thought it was Shaq Chuck Kenny Inside the NBA.

[Elders]

I was like, man, we got to watch some other stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's like, oh, yeah, smart kid. Smart kid.

[JP McDade]

He thought it was the Fab Five.

[Elders]

He's like a group of black guys. Basketball. I was like, sort of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Could be football, you know, it could be football. Yeah. You gotta watch. She's gotta watch some classic black cinema, maybe some black sitcoms. Yeah, upn. That was awesome. That's it. The Wire. He was great in that. But yeah, H. Dudes, you watch some fucking. You watch fucking Girlfriends. I've talked about Girlfriends on. Produced by Kelsey Grammer. Hilariously.

[Elders]

That's a show. Girlfriends.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's just four hot black ladies. It was basically the UPN black. It was basically basic tv Black Sex in the City, sort of.

[JP McDade]

No one can orchestrate a series about the black female experience. Like me, Kelsey.

[Stavros Halkias]

I like. I can't.

[JP McDade]

He's on a. I'm invited to the cookout.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm at the cookout. Niles, and you're not. Cuz you're gay.

[JP McDade]

Girl. Let me show you how to manage your baby hairs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Your edges are up. That wig is synthetic.

[JP McDade]

I say Yin Yang twins. Ms. Sarah, you really put your foot in this coleslaw.

[Stavros Halkias]

You put your whole in the Mac and cheese. Ms. Sarah.

[Elders]

Kelsey, grammar impressions.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah,

[Elders]

I lost the plot a little.

[JP McDade]

These are solid grammars. You never thought Kelsey Grammar was British growing up? Watch your phrase.

[Stavros Halkias]

This might be the. This might be a pure age difference because we're slightly younger and to us, Frasier was British. I feel like if you watched him as a child.

[Elders]

I never watched. I never watched Frasier, but I watched Cheers and he.

[Stavros Halkias]

He kind of said h. Yes.

[JP McDade]

He got a little more into the transatlantic thing as he got older, I guess.

[Elders]

I guess so.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's. He's in Cheers. He's kind of like the, you know, upper crust, you know, hoity toity liberal type.

[JP McDade]

Let me help you deal with your baby daddy.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know you need some bills paid. I've got metro PCs if you're willing to suck for. Suck me for your metro PCs.

[JP McDade]

We all know you got that bag at the Slauson swap meet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who does she think she's drinking if you got it? Anyway, this is awesome.

[JP McDade]

That says VSL on the bag. We all know it's a pig.

[Elders]

Ah.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, we. To stop me and JP from doing Invited to the Cookout. Kelsey Grammar.

[JP McDade]

Let's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's move on to some questions, shall we? And here, the halfway point. Do either of my good pals have anything to plug? Well, not quite half. I don't know.

[Elders]

This is a marathon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anything to plug, Joe.

[Elders]

Yeah. Well, when does this come out? I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Find me on the Internet in what, a week And a half? Two weeks?

[Elders]

25th?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pretty recent.

[Elders]

Yeah. I'm trying to think of my UK tour. I'm out in the UK. I'm in Dublin. No, I'm in Belfast on the 28th.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think thing nice.

[Elders]

And then I'm in Governors, but. Tom Dustin, Portrait of a Comedian. My documentary. My friend Tom Dustin is on punchuplive.com.

[Stavros Halkias]

watch that.

[Elders]

And I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Great filmmaker. You gonna make some more movies? What you get?

[Elders]

I got the Skankfest doc. Right now I'm in the middle of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, crazy. Are you editing it or are you. Are you gonna. Are you gonna make it again?

[Elders]

I mean, I have a guy editing, but I'm watching all the footage going, cut it here and cut it there. It's. We have a thousand hours of.

[Stavros Halkias]

Holy.

[Elders]

It's crazy. Yeah, it's gonna be insane.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's from last year, Two years

[Elders]

ago this past year. Yeah. November, and there's. And tits, and it's. It's crazy. I mean, it's a good gun jiu jitsu. I mean, ladies taking their shaved pussies out. It's completely insane. You got to get over to Skank Fest.

[Stavros Halkias]

If they do it in New York again, I'd love to do it. I just don't want to travel. I mean, the last couple years, my travel schedule has been so nuts that

[Elders]

this is what everyone says, but it's crazy. It's the most.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just. Traveling fucking sucks, you know, it's. I get it.

[Elders]

I can't wait to meet me in Austin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, are you really moving?

[Elders]

No. Maybe.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna kill myself. You fucking move to Austin anyway. Play a fucking call, Eldis. Look, I grew up in Baltimore. I'm familiar with a water bug, a cockroach, whatever you want to call it. Years of growing up poor, though. Still, when I see them, it does give me the damn heebie jeebies. Okay. Thankfully, Pesti is a do it yourself pest control that makes protecting your home simple and effective. Pesty gets rid of over 100 types of bugs. Spiders, ants, roaches, scorpions, whatever. Their DIY kit includes a sprayer, mixing bag, pesticide gloves, and instructions you can complete in less than 10 minutes. With Pesti, you can get started at just $35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your location, bug and climate, plus Pesti offers a 100% bug free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you don't gotta pay. Look, I've been in some weird, bad living situations. One bug turns into 10, turns into 100, turns into God knows how many. When I moved into my new spot, I saw one cockroach. I hit Pesty immediately. The problem went away. I can't tell you how good it felt to not have to worry about this anymore. Knowing that I was gonna take action and not have this be the kind of thing that annoys me. I had a moth infestation. I threw away a weird rug, got pesty. We were in the clear. You're gonna love it. Keep the bugs away with Pesti. Go to pesti.comstavi for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-S-T-I-E.comstavi for an extra ten percent off. Starting something new isn't just hard, it can be terrifying. You know, Stavi's world, it was very scary. I left a very successful venture, the name of which I won't say because this isn't advertisement, where I was making a lot of money and I had to start completely over new feed. You know, I knew some people were going to be mad at me and I realized it was going to be a hard decision, but we wanted to start our own thing from scratch. That was hard to do. You know, we had to train someone who has no capabilities whatsoever to produce a podcast. It's. It's terrifying, especially when you're starting a business. Starting something new is hard. That's why it helps to have a partner like Shopify by your side. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Death Wish Coffee and Magic Spoon to brands just getting started. Get started with your own design studio. With hundreds of ready to use templates, Shopify helps you build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style. Like I said, I have had Shopify. It's helped Stavi's world. All our merch goes through Shopify. It's helped me as just my personal, as a comedian, my personal merch. When we were selling, you know, T shirts, the calendar, of course we love Shopify. Our merch guy, our beautiful merch guy, Chris loves all how easy it is to track all our sales, do everything off Shopify. It's time to turn those what ifs into sales with Shopify Today. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi that's shopify.comstav

[Dominic]

hey, savvy. Hey, Elvis. Hey, esteemed guest and or guests. My name is Dominic and I'm an EMT in Texas. Here, Texas. I'm calling in because I have. I've been having New York a lot of issues with my co worker. Whenever you work in ems, you know, there's two people in Angeles, you know, and the last partner that I had a couple of months ago quit. He was awesome. Love that dude. And then I get this girl now and I'll tell you what, it's a fun. A nightmare. You know, EMS requires physicality. It requires.

[Elders]

Oh boy.

[Dominic]

Making decisions under stress, all these things. And whenever you're responding to emergencies and non emergencies, going to hospitals, dealing with patients, you need a form of that, you know, essentially this girl has none of that. It's a nightmare. Every time I work with her, she has dumb, dumbass questions to nurses. She makes legit, legitimate, like potentially fatal clinical areas errors with. With patient. I mean, it's bad, dude. She falls down just on flat ground whenever we're moving patients in. She makes bad calls.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, yeah, she sucks.

[Dominic]

It's just horrific, dude. Like, I can go on and on. Essentially, I need to let my company know about this because it's getting increasingly worse. I either want her fired or I just want to work with a different person. But I'm torn. Do I. I don't really know how to present this to my supervisor. I have a lot of events written down, but I want to present this to my supervisor. Supervisor. I don't want to like, get this person. I don't know if I want to get her fired. I feel like she needs to work and get money, but also, like, maybe this job just isn't for her, man. Like, she up so much and so often, like it scares me whenever she has to take care of someone because she legitimately has no clue what she's doing. So I'm just torn, man. And you know, if anyone guys could help me out, you know, I. I'd love to do I, you know, pull the. Try to get this fired because she sucks at her job or like, I don't know, man. I'm torn.

[JP McDade]

Okay, I'm gonna call 911 on this man for his misogyny.

[Elders]

I just feel like he could have lingered on the. She's falling down.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Elders]

What do you mean she's falling down? She makes bad calls. I'm like, wait, what runs? She's walking and falls down.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

So, okay, there's a couple van Dyking over, injured.

[Elders]

More like vagina Van Dyke.

[Stavros Halkias]

Respect. Very nicely done.

[Elders]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

So there's a couple things here. The first thing is it. It always sucks when you're in the perfect groove at a. A job and you, you're with like, or, you know, even with us, it's like, like, like, you know, bringing you on the road. It's like we have. So we have it so dialed in. We've got our crew. You breaking your knee or whatever. The, the, the, the operations up now, luckily. And actually we did kind of have, you know, we did get a woman who falls down a lot and sucks. No, no, Sarah was great.

[JP McDade]

You had very funny people in my place.

[Stavros Halkias]

Great people. We had. We actually had a. We had Sarah. We. Sarah came for a couple.

[Elders]

My wife.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was on the bang. The regular bus. The regular bus.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sarah Sherman, Maddie Smith, Anthony DeVito and Sahib Singh. We had. We had a great crew, but it always sucks. But I remember having like a day job and you're like, partner or the person training you. Awesome. And then they reassign you or the training period's over and you just have to work with someone who sucks or

[JP McDade]

you find out that they called out when you come in for your shift.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right, right, right, right. Well, yeah. Yeah. Somebody is like, you know, I remember being in college, we would go make fucking pizzas as a fundraiser. We would sell pizzas at Raven Stadium as like a college fundraiser. And when it was. It was actually, that was a great. It was so fun to do hungover as like a, you know, 19 year old. But when it was your boy, when it was like your boys, it was fun as shit.

[JP McDade]

You just.

[Stavros Halkias]

You guys all got fucked up the night before and you're just making pizzas. But it was like a bad crew. It was one of the worst days of your life. So that's number one. You're just going to. Going through the vibes are. That's one. And spiritually, that may be affecting you a lot more than even her being that bad at her job. And now we have the second part, which is she's just bad at the job.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so there's two things here. One is, why did. Why did his first person get reassigned? Did he explain it was. It just.

[Elvis]

Did he say quit?

[Stavros Halkias]

He quit. Oh, the first person quit.

[Elders]

Austin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh.

[JP McDade]

So, yeah, because he thought it would be a boon to him professionally, but it definitely Wouldn't be because all the EMTs are way worse in Austin than they are in New York.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's just talk about woke culture. When they pick you up, the first thing they do. And also the MTs, as soon as you get there, they check a woman's fucking pussy to be like, all right, all right, it's a pussy, it's not a fucking dick. All right, we can take this one. Anyway, so now my question is, did you. Because if you're a more senior person who gets a new person, is this maybe just. You need to be kind of, kind of a, a mentor to this person. Were they expecting you to train her in any way? Do you have any responsibility here? My question is, when she's made all these mistakes.

[JP McDade]

Step one, stay upright.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Step one, don't fall.

[Elders]

I mean, a man always needs to train a woman to some extent.

[JP McDade]

That is true.

[Stavros Halkias]

You do. Even in a professional environment, you do. You must control your.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So there's kind of. That's maybe step.

[JP McDade]

Make her smell the latex clothes here in emt.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I guess my question is, when this person up and they're new to the job, did you. Were you like, hey, actually do this or did you see somebody you didn't like as much as your friend and immediately go into let her fail, you know what I mean? Immediately like, your boy's gone. So now you're like, oh, this dumb, doesn't even know how to take blood. Instead of being like, hey, do it this way, you immediately took the notebook out and we're like, document documenting this, documenting this.

[JP McDade]

So hey, don't put the defibrillator on his dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because in the. Look in life, most of life is being put in a fucked up situation that shouldn't happen. Almost everything. Every time I've ever done anything, like even fucking, I don't want to do a movie and pretend my arm's not broken. I have to just pretend like it's not. I'm just not going to do as. It's not going to be as good as if I was in perfect condition conditions. Right. Or when I throw my back out and we're. Remember Florida when I couldn't even walk? I don't want to do stand up when I can't even move. But. And was it the best? No, but I made do and whatever. So sometimes you just have to get through it. But if you have done your due diligence and tried to make the best of the situation and tried to make fucking lemonade out of lemons even though again, you shouldn't have. It's not your job to train someone who's shitty. But in reality that happens. Happens a lot. And not just with EMTs, with corporate jobs, with entertainment, with what in every field, this happens. If you really tried and she's so bad and you throw in the fact that this isn't stand up, which doesn't matter, this isn't some middle management bullshit that Eldis used to do when he worked at fucking, you know, for some dumb website. If this person fucks up, somebody could die. That to me means if you've done your due diligence, you are, and you've actually tried to help her out and that, that failed, then you now you're well within your rights to just be like, hey, go to a boss and be like, hey, I'm a little worried about her. Is there something we could do? Don't start with the like, this bitch has to go. You need to try and be like, hey, can we fucking help her? And even frame it as like, can you guys fucking let her work with somebody who can train her for a little bit? Because she's. I'm pretty new, I can't handle it. She's fucking shit up. I don't want her to lose her job, but I feel like she needs a little training. And then if you work for a fucked up company that's like, oh, no, we're not going to spend time doing that. We're to going just going to fire her, that's not really your fault. But this is. If you worked at some place like a fucking, you know, some shitty news website, I would just say like, shut the fuck up and just do your job. But you do, people could die. So yeah, you can fucking, you can at least report this kind of behavior.

[Elders]

I think your claim in standard doesn't matter. We're the last defense before tyranny. We are defenders of the constitution.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we're at the wall with turrets, keeping out the barbarians.

[JP McDade]

We have, we have the ear of Donald Trump.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[JP McDade]

We tell him exactly what he wants

[Stavros Halkias]

to hear and we never ask him a question about being a pedophile. We're obsessed with, with pedophilia. Pedophile is there. We don't ask him about it and

[JP McDade]

accept whatever answer he gets.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then even if we do, we're like, oh, that makes sense. And don't press him.

[Elders]

But.

[JP McDade]

And then we go, bro, damn, bro, that's crazy, bro. I ain't even think about it like that, bro. My white ass ain't think about it like that, bro.

[Stavros Halkias]

But we have his ear.

[Elders]

You're right, Joe.

[Stavros Halkias]

We are the last bastion of free speech.

[Elders]

We're it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Come see me at Skid Marks in Raleigh. It's two for one drinks on Thursday,

[Stavros Halkias]

sluts nights on Wednesday. And if you bring a showing her kiss, you get free chicken contenders.

[JP McDade]

But in the medical field, little attention

[Stavros Halkias]

to details are more important than most. Every.

[JP McDade]

So when I. When I went into the hospital, when I injured my leg, Sam Merill came with me to the er and when they were backing me out of the elevator, my leg was sticking out in the wheelchair and it hit the wall. And immediately I'm like, ah, it's okay. I'm sorry. It's okay. Thank God. I had stand there be like, dude, what are you doing?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sam's great at that.

[JP McDade]

He's a man.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sam is a great advocate. When someone is being mistreated, he up. He's the. So. Yeah, dude, that's what I. I don't know.

[JP McDade]

Yeah, she's up constantly, like, dropping. Yeah. Make a note, but do address it in the moment.

[Elders]

Well, it does sound like she's horrible. I mean, of course, but. But also, there's confirmation bias now. You're looking for everything to put on. That's another thing. That's this thing. This.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the word I was looking for. What I would say, like comfort or have. Did you start. Did you even give her half a chance? Is my only. Is my only thing. It's like, if. Is the confirmation bias ruling everything. If. If you did give her a chance and she still fucked up, fine. But if you did, I'd say at least try and help her. And if even that doesn't work at all, you know.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Snitch a little and talk to her.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Say what you mean, but don't say it mean.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep. I like that. That's good, man. I like.

[JP McDade]

Put that on a pillow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cross stitch that. Bye. Hit me with another one. LD. We solved this guy's problem. That was easy.

[Dominic]

Hey, stuff. Hey, Eldest. And this thing's guest doing another take because I the first one up. Hey. So I'm a new dad. I'm a slightly fat piece of shit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Dominic]

I have a wonderful wife. The issue that I'm having is my wife. She is a wonderful home cook. She cooks incredible meals, and sometimes I don't want to eat them all the time. And I feel like a fat piece of shit for wanting, like, outside food and fat burgers and shit. And she's mostly vegetarian. And I'm definitely, definitely not vegetarian. And that might be the problem. And I'm always, like, up her routine by wanting this, that the other, like, like meat.

[Caller]

And.

[Dominic]

And I guess. I guess the question is I would love some advice from some fat pieces of. On.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Dominic]

How to appreciate more like, home cooking and stuff like that and not be like, an ungrateful bastard as I am. Love the show. Love what you do. Eldest. You. You're good Albanian. You're one of the good ones. All right.

[Elders]

Bye there, Aren. I'll say that.

[Stavros Halkias]

How long do you think we have on just purely ironic anti Albanian racism? You think we've got another two years?

[Elvis]

I don't know. Well, Albania, you know, as a coalition is growing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Relax.

[JP McDade]

So Eric Adams.

[Elvis]

Pretty soon it will look bad. Sometimes I do think. Not that I give a fuck, but it's like when Stop says shit about Albanians, it is funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's fucking weak.

[Elvis]

We've known each other our whole lives. But it's like when random Americans, it's like, would you be like, oh, you.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like, you know, I know we're getting into, like.

[JP McDade]

Oh, And I would. Let me tell you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[JP McDade]

Oh, don't. You know, I would.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're fraud. They're doing fraud.

[JP McDade]

Look at the shape of their heads.

[Stavros Halkias]

So I know you mean where it's like, we're kind of. We never intended to get this successful is really what it's really. When it comes to. Down to where now just random people feel comfortable being racist to Albanians and not in the context of a lifelong friendship where we're satirizing our dumb parents basically. Like, we're basically making fun of our older relatives, but we got to. That sucks that we have to fucking start dialing it down.

[Elders]

But anyway, those of us who don't know where is Albania, it's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. It's right above Greece. Yeah. So. And so Greece and Africa to Boston, everything. Everything outside of everything further west of New Haven or whatever the. Or east. I'm too stupid to even do that joke. Whatever.

[Elders]

Actually, it's west also.

[JP McDade]

Yeah. Longer trip if you believe the. If you believe the round earth propaganda.

[Elders]

But.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyway. Yeah.

[JP McDade]

You say some shit to the wrong Albanian, it could be a long night for you.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true. This. This problem might solve itself.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

If enough Albanians start up. Podcast fans. Because, by the way, podcast listeners versus any Albanian in any kind of phys altercation, your money's on Albany. Albanian.

[Elders]

Now, this guy's issue. I don't understand why it has to be fat. Specific. Part doesn't make sense because you're a

[Stavros Halkias]

big fan of fat, of this type of.

[Elders]

I like this kind of food. And I have this problem. Sarah cooks meals, and she's a good cook. Maybe I don't. I've never tasted it. She. She cooks, and it's not any kind of slight. I just. I'm in the mood for a burger or a chicken. I mostly have chicken farms.

[Stavros Halkias]

You love chicken parm.

[Elders]

That's all. I'm sure you have the same.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have the diet of the person who had my accident. Basically. I had a child's accident. You have a child's diet.

[JP McDade]

I feel like skinny, fat people like myself can weigh in on this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, sure. I'll give you that as well. Have you. I mean, also dating a vegetarian? Elders, you could weigh in here because your wife has been vegan vegetarian, and you've dip dipped in and out. Yeah, this has been. You've been with your wife from the time you guys were together. She was a vegetarian. So it's like.

[Elders]

Absolutely.

[Stavros Halkias]

So, yeah, put in a little. Because I have some thoughts here, too. But go ahead. You have the.

[Elvis]

I mean, you know, I don't think I've ever been like, that meat heavy. But just learn to like vegetables. Like, do you want to be an adult who's like. Who's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who's. Careful, careful. You're about to offend Joe. I gave Joe. Joe. Joe tried chicken souvlaki with tzatziki, and he made a face like, I gave him fucking boiled asparagus. He tried zaki. Tzatziki was too. But yogurt, garlic, and olive oil was too much for Joe.

[Elders]

I love asparagus.

[Elvis]

I will say, Joe, you're not fat, though. I feel because I am fat, I feel a pressure to not be. Like, you want to eat vegetables? No, I want to eat a fucking double cheeseburger. So, you know, maybe it is part of just because I am fat.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. It's internalized fat phobia.

[Elvis]

You don't want to be the fat guy that only wants to eat pizza, like, every night.

[JP McDade]

The call is coming from inside the McDonald's playhouse.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think also a class here. Here's the thing. This guy probably is just depressed and these little fast food runs are his escape. That's my guess.

[JP McDade]

They do hit like drugs.

[Stavros Halkias]

They hit like drugs. Especially if you're not a guy who's getting fucked up. At times when I've been, like, trying not to when I was more sober, you know what I mean? Where it's Like, I wasn't, like, purely sober, but I wasn't getting really, really fucked up. Or when I was working a soul crushing job or when I was really overwhelmed. I mean, even. Even when shit's going good, but I'm just overwhelmed and like depressed. Nothing hits like a fucking burger, you know, drive through. Like you might just have an eating disorder where this is drugs to you and you need to think about that. But I would say a really easy way in general for somebody dating a vegetarian or friends with a vegetarian, because I've had this issue. I've dated vegetarians. I've had. I've gone on trips with veg. You know, I've gone on tour with vegetarians.

[Elders]

And like, Kelly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, it was really hard, dude. Remember that?

[JP McDade]

Remember that?

[Stavros Halkias]

I still think about. Parmesan is just as good, though. I still think about that order. When we were. Where the. Were we? It was all three of us.

[Elders]

Cleveland.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it was a diff. Maybe Cleveland.

[Elders]

Remember that?

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, beer. Beer hall we went to?

[Elders]

Oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

And it was like. I feel like it was in. It was in the northeast somewhere. But anyway, it was. L. It was the night before we got in the night before and we met you. Me and Bobby met you at just a place and me and you were both like, ah, yeah, you know, we could. We could be a little peck. Like, we could. We're not that hungry. And I'm fat. I'm not saying I'm not fat at shit. At the time. Like, I just was. I just happened to not be hungry. And Bobby legitimately ordered like eight entrees and fucking six appetizers. And that was just like, not. I mean, me and Bobby on the tour was like one of the most fucked up things. Like, I look back at some of those.

[JP McDade]

What the Grateful Dead was to asses, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, for real. It was so fucked up. I remember one time we. We drove through and we just saw like a dim sum restaurant in the middle of Florida. We just stopped. No one else was in there. And they just. We just made them cook us like a. These motherfuckers just brought out like a.

[JP McDade]

They were dropping dead of exhaustion in the kitchen.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, they all stop. They were like, yeah, they would rather build the railroad.

[JP McDade]

She's falling down.

[Stavros Halkias]

Anyway, whatever. So anyway, the. The little. So a good strategy with vegetarians is treat their main meal as your side dish. Like, if your wife is making like a fucking scramb, garnish a scramble with like a, you know, whatever. Like a tofu veggie, have like, eggplant, whatever. Whatever they're cooking, eggplant, a veggie stir fry. You just cook up a piece of steak or a piece or some chicken thighs and you just fucking eat that. Even a potato, fucking make a baked potato have a side of chicken or steak and then eat her main meal as your fucking side dish. That, that was my strategy when I, whenever I had to deal with like veggies. Vegetarians is like they, and they know how to cook veggies tasty because that's all they eat. So just open your mind a little bit. My hunch is this is not about your wife's cooking. You have an eating disorder of some type where this food is more important to you psychologically than it is, you know, in any other facet. And so I would say investigate those thoughts and those feelings. See where that comes from. See where those desires come from. And in the meantime, just, you know, if you're looking for, for a strategy, just add your own steak or, and even by the way, order your own piece of meat. If you don't cook right, you like or meal prep it, grill, you know, six, six. Like a really good thing I did a really something that holds really well is like ground chicken or ground beef with spices. And you can use that with any different type of thing or fl. If you marinate flank steak with soy sauce, orange juice and some like, you know, pick your own chilies or whatever the fuck. You don't even have to chop up fresh shit. You can just, you know, orange juice, soy sauce, and just some fucking cayenne. Just, just some different. You can use spices, you don't need to use fresh onions and garlic and shit. But if you want to, it only ups it. You marinate a flank steak in that for a day and then you grill it. It's a lean cut of steak, it's fucking tasty and it, it holds really well for the whole week. And you could just microwave that shit up and throw it to whatever the fuck your wife is cooking. That's, that's my advice from a fat fuck who's dealt with this many times and who loved the drive through. Oh yeah, I still miss it. I was really depressed and I was like, I just saw McDonald's and it, I, it was closed, thank God, or else I would have done something fucked

[JP McDade]

up the thing I've done. And I, you know, take this with a grain of salt. It might not work for everybody, but like, there's the simple question of like, if you're about to do something fucked up, up food wise, make an impulse decision, getting some fucked up, unhealthy food. Just be like, do I need this? And honestly, I don't know. It has turned me about. And like, oh, that's a good thought. I've put down the Reese's Cups. I've put down the Reese's Cups from

[Stavros Halkias]

thinking that, by the way, I'll say the. The. The main difference, because I've been on like GLP1s, you know, for the last almost year now. I think a little over maybe about a year exactly, is it has made me occasionally be able to do that. See, like, I never in my life was able to be like, do I this?

[Elders]

Yeah, I try that. And I'm like, yep, I do need it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Actually, I need more. The verdict is yes, but it. Dude, the one thing GLP1 is I. I can do that now. And now if I order too much, like, I don't eat the whole thing. I have leftovers. I have more than half of my leftovers in that fridge right now. That never would happen.

[JP McDade]

Get leftover Peri. Peri Chicken. Yeah, that's what GLP stands for.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's right. Pretty much. One more question, little ld. I know Joe is itching to get out of here.

[Elders]

No, I'm not itching to get out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, great.

[Elders]

Yeah. But one more question would also be no itch.

[Stavros Halkias]

Support is available 247 with VRBoCare.

[Gabby Windy]

We're here day or night, ready whenever you need help. Because a great trip starts with the right support.

[Stavros Halkias]

Halliday presents in the red corner, the undisputed, undefeated weed whacker Guy, champion of hurling grass and pollen everywhere.

[JP McDade]

And in the blue corner, the challenger,

[Stavros Halkias]

Extra strength hannity eyedrops that work all day to prevent the release of histamines that cause itchy allergy eyes. And the win, winner by knockout is Patternay. Patternay. Bring it on.

[Caller]

Hi, Stavion Eldis. I'm in a situation.

[Elders]

Guess we're not here.

[Caller]

I've got an older sister and she's a bit of a demon. She always has been.

[Dominic]

Mustn't me demon.

[Caller]

I'm lame. So nobody cares. She's successful. So also no one cares. Nobody. Nobody tells her she's being a bitch. But she told me a secret for me recently. And that secret is that basically she homewrecked our family Guy, he's got a wife and kids. Looking for something. Our parents got divorced when we were adults so she wouldn't be so fucked up. But she told me and she. She didn't tell my mother, even though she was she was toying with the idea and I told her not to because I love to keep secrets, I guess. But none of my secrets are like this, right? So now, days later, I'm like, do I tell my mom? Do I tell on her? We're adults. I'm almost 30. Feels. Feels a little lame to be tattling like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like that. It does.

[Caller]

But my sister herself, she. She doesn't really listen to me, so.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you could cause her harm. Finally. This is actually an unrelated thing has fallen into your lap where finally you have the upper hand on this more talented and smarter than you individual who finally confided in you. And you're like, should I use this as an opportunity to build our relationship and build some trust and now maybe I can address my personal problems with her or should I tattle and get back at her? Those seem to be your two options, but let's finish the call.

[Elders]

One thing's for sure. She is a great secret keeper.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Just telling a half a million people.

[Caller]

And you need to, you know, maybe

[Stavros Halkias]

bleep out the details about the guy. Guy.

[Elvis]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

When we put it out, just to be extra safe about.

[JP McDade]

Not the part where he has a hook hand. Just don't.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah. Bleep out the stuff about the blonde Bahamian guy with a hook hand in Tennessee.

[JP McDade]

She homewrecked a sea captain.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was ah. The was too good to pass up.

[Caller]

You need to. You need to repent in some way. He's just going to be like, yeah, whatever stuff. Stupid. So do I tell.

[Stavros Halkias]

But do you know that?

[Caller]

And betray my sister's secret? I love to keep secrets.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't though.

[Caller]

And I love being like a trustworthy person with secrets. So it's. It's a bit of an impasse.

[JP McDade]

I think you like the leverage that comes with.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right, right. You like be. You like basically being the. You're. You're the guy who was running the cameras at Epstein Island. You're the guy who was mailing themselves straight to we know where. I'm not gonna say it, but we all know who was setting up that operation. Let's just say it was a collaboration between two intelligence agencies.

[JP McDade]

Pick any two.

[Stavros Halkias]

Pick any two. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Two countries will say that Epstein has ties to any. And look up Ghislaine Maxwell's father while we're at it.

[JP McDade]

Anyway, it was at his funeral.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter. None of that stuff. Stuff matters. Yeah. I think my little joke in the Middle here was exactly right. Right. What we're dealing with is you've always been overshadowed by your sister. She has always been the one who gets away with. Because the thing is, here's my question to you. Are you mad that she's acting like a bitch? Are you mad that you can't act like a bitch? That's the question. Are you mad at the injustice or are you mad. Are you mad at Gaza or are you mad that you're not Israel? You know what I mean? Like, if you were in power, would you. The exact same thing. That's my question. So, like, are, like, if. Or have you just been kept. So that's the thing.

[JP McDade]

Literally homewrecking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Are you this woman? You could say through a missile.

[Elders]

Look at.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's think of this guy's marriage as a hospital, metaphorically speaking. And she. She. Anyway, whatever. It doesn't matter.

[JP McDade]

We can extend the metaphor all we want.

[Stavros Halkias]

The point is, where are you coming from in this? And where are you coming from? From liking the secrets. Like JP says, are you just happy to finally have leverage here? And you even said to us. But if I told her you need to repent, she'd just be like, nuh, shut up. Fuck you. Did you even try? You told us you didn't tell her. Here's how I would handle the situation. I would not look at this as an opportunity to get one over on your sister. Right. I would look at this as an opportunity, like I said, to build trust, maybe move her in the direction of being a good person. And you know what? Maybe she feels bad. Maybe she fucking came to you. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe you're. You know this. Obviously you know your sister better, but I'm just saying, from an outsider's perspective, this is your chance to potentially break the pattern of your weird interactions with your sister and. And positively work on.

[JP McDade]

Minimize the hostilities in a way where you can, even if you're eating it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[JP McDade]

But as comedians, I mean, we. We love gossip. We love the feeling of gossip, but gossip never feels good later on. Like, we never learn the lesson, but we should not gossip as much as we do. And it's like, it. It always feels bad. There's always guilt that comes with it when the toothpaste is out of the tube and it can't come back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You can't put it. Also, it's like, what are you gaining out of telling your mom?

[Elders]

Yeah, that's what I don't get. You're adults. So weird. What is your problem?

[Stavros Halkias]

And Also, it's like she homewrecked.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Are we talking, oh, she a guy

[Elders]

that needed to get laid? Maybe. Maybe he's been together a long time and things are a little, you know, a little stale at home. Maybe did him a favor sake.

[JP McDade]

Maybe. Maybe the chicken parms aren't as cooked as well as they used to be.

[Elders]

Maybe home improved. Who's to say? It's a wreck. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

When you put in a new wing, sometimes you get the wrecking ball out and, you know, you do a renovation.

[JP McDade]

You can't put in a new ballroom if you don't do a little bit of demolition.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Maybe you can get the wife and your sister all together at once, have a convo together. It's not a big deal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. So I guess this is. That's the thing that. That's what's setting off alarm bells on this call is you don't seem to have a problem. I mean, she does, to her caller's credit. It does seem to bother her that her sister, you know, home wrecked or whatever. But again, what's the root of it bothering you? Do you morally have a problem with this or do you. You wish, like, you could fucking pull, like some hot older guy or whatever and like, you know, are you mad? You're not having torrid love affairs. I'm just saying this because that's what that. The feeling on the tone of this call is that you were seeing everything through the prism of your sibling rivalry.

[JP McDade]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I'm saying just stop looking at it that way. Look at it as a. Just a look at this from fresh eyes and then decide what you want to do. I don't know what you have to gain from snitching. I suggest you try. You try and be positive and use this as your chance. You're giving your sister a chance to stop being a fucking bitch. Right. And you're giving her a chance to connect with you. And if she passes on this, then fine. From now on, you can have a destructive relationship with your sister. But when you. Why?

[JP McDade]

When you cast a stone, you cast yourself as a stone. Joe List as Mick Jagger, doing the impression you sprain your ankle.

[Stavros Halkias]

You could sprain your ankle if you do this. Beautifully done.

[Elders]

That's nice, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Beautifully poetically done.

[Elders]

And if you want to wreck a home yourself, you're almost 30. That sounds like a nice age. Come call me,

[Stavros Halkias]

check out Joe's touring schedule and show up.

[Elders]

Yeah. They say the youngest you could is divided by jokes divided by seven. And I'm 44. So 29, that's not bad. Hit me up, baby.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hit Joe up.

[Elders]

If you guys could laugh, it would make it seem less. Starting to feel uncomfortable here.

[Elvis]

I just flashed through your email on the screen.

[Stavros Halkias]

No flash, flash Joe's dates on the

[JP McDade]

screen when he's saying hit me up. You're looking young for a 44 year old Caucasian, my friend.

[Elders]

Well, I do a lot of hot yoga.

[Stavros Halkias]

Joe is, we've said before, one of the sneakiest athletic guys.

[JP McDade]

Thank you.

[Stavros Halkias]

And we've, and we. You've made this point before. It's, it's literally just because you have glasses.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You just is like a guy who likes sport. You love sports. You talk about all the time. You dress like this, you're wearing constantly caps.

[Elders]

And I'm 62, 190 pounds. People think I'm 48. Everywhere I go they're like, whoa, I thought you were three, seven. I, I read like a, a twink.

[JP McDade]

It's like Bo Outlaw is a nerds. Like. No, he's 69. 260.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so, so, so anyway, so funny. But all right. A quick, a funny quick one to go out on El this

[Dominic]

Dahvie Elvis and esteemed guest.

[Elders]

Thank you.

[Dominic]

Mateo Lane episode. And the guy called in asking about eating his girl out because he. She had herpes. And I feel I am astutely equipped to answer this question. Question. I get cold sores, unfortunately gave my wife herpes. She doesn't get cold sores, but she does get herpe outbreaks every once in a while. And I take medicine every single day and I enjoy eating as well. And his problem was he didn't want to eat pussy because he didn't want to get and you know, an infection or whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Dominic]

You don't got to worry about that. I've got a kid on the way, Ira dog. As long as they don't have an outbreak, you've got nothing to worry about. So get down there, eat your wife's, eat your girl's respect. You got nothing to worry about.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep.

[Dominic]

All right. Love you guys.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thanks, man.

[Elders]

Like, nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

So this guy. Yeah, the original call was a guy was worried about eating. What was it? Eldest. His girlfriend had herpes.

[Elvis]

She had herpes. He was worried about eating her out. But he really wanted to.

[Stavros Halkias]

But he really wanted to. But that's fine. Right? And you're. As a herpes ridden man, you're you.

[Elders]

You know, I don't want to tell tales out of school, but I've received oral sex from my lovely wife. Many times. Not in a while, but many, many times. And she's good to go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly. So, yes, now we have two people with first hand experience saying, eat pussy. Even if the lady has herpes, as long as she's not having an outbreak.

[Elders]

Yeah. And I think lady outbreaks, I don't know. My wife doesn't have herpes, but I think they're on the inside. When you eat, you just eat that. Lick it up, you know, your tongue's not going like deep in the.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know, I could go in there a little.

[Elders]

It's not going deep.

[JP McDade]

That's for fun. That's not the business end of the

[Stavros Halkias]

couple flourishes, you know, when you're. When you're showing off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting the speed bag, clit boxing training. That's true. And that's good too. If your dick is small, you know, if it's all the way on the inside, the herpe outbreak, you know. Yeah.

[Elders]

My dick is not small.

[JP McDade]

They can't burn you if you can't reach them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's right. Okay, so you heard it here, folks. Eat some fucking box. Even if the lady has herpes, it's

[Elders]

like the old Dr. Dre line, ain't no pussy good enough to get burned while I've been it.

[Stavros Halkias]

While I'm up in it. That's right. And with that we'll call the episode. Ain't no pussy good enough to get burnt while I'm up in it, folks. That's good, that's. But you will not get burnt eating pussy while you're up in it. Or whatever the fuck. Anyway, who cares? Watch Joe Co. See Joe in person. One of the best comics alive. Thank you. JP, you got anything to plug?

[JP McDade]

JP McDade comedy on YouTube. Mcday baby Instagram.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love you, Scosi McDade. If you are in Baltimore July 18th and 19th, go please buy tickets to the special. I will be. So far, a lot of some people ask for refunds. A lot of people haven't. Shout out to everybody who saw me in Baltimore too. No one was fucking shitty. No one's been shitty. Everyone's just been like, very positive. Get well. Thank you everybody who's sent over some get well messages. It really has meant a lot of fuck. I had one more thing to say but I forgot it. Oh yeah. I think by now, by the time this episode is out or soon, we will be announcing or we have announced a couple more dates. Now that my arm. Now that we postponed the special, we're gonna put together one last, maybe a West coast run. We're gonna try and hit the markets. We started the tour because this tour's been going on two and a half years now. So the people that we went to first, like Seattle, Portland, la, We're gonna try and come back to the West Coast. Cause you saw the very first version.

[JP McDade]

It's like the Orego, the trail. We're all different people.

[Stavros Halkias]

We really are. Started that. It actually will be really funny to track how different our lives are from. From those. Those trips.

[Elvis]

We're all injured now.

[Stavros Halkias]

We literally all have.

[Elders]

We all have been changed in a long season.

[Stavros Halkias]

Forever, dude. God, the dreamboat tour almost killed us.

[Elders]

Everybody.

[JP McDade]

Everybody's hurting. The playoffs.

[Stavros Halkias]

It really feels like the playoffs, dude. For real. Anyway, so we've. We've added. I don't know if we've announced them yet, but they're coming. Coming soon. But that's it. So we'd love to see you there on the road and please come to the special and we'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye.

[Gabby Windy]

Hi, I'm Gabby Windy with Long Winded. And I'm not gonna lie, I'm desperate. I'm desperate for your attention in any way possible. So listen to my podcast, won't you? It has great insights, exceptional humor, and plenty of pop culture to fill your dark souls. And some even say it's a great way to fall asleep due to my soothing voice. And I don't take that personally. Fall asleep. A listen is a listen even when you're sleeping. And a view is a view, even with your eyes closed, if you dare. And it doesn't take much gumption. Enjoy. Enjoy. Listen to Long Winded. Wherever you get your podcasts, there's a fire inside you you can't ignore. Stand still. Not a chance. You're a lifelong learner who's come this far. Now we are here to help you keep going further. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit Capella Edu to learn more.