#183 - Carl Tart

Summary

Stavvy’s World #183: Carl Tart

Date: June 1, 2026
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Carl Tart

---

Episode Overview

In this lively, laugh-out-loud episode, comedian and actor/writer Carl Tart joins Stavros Halkias on the couch to discuss aging, sports nostalgia, growing up in big families, locker room hierarchies, body image, childhood bullying, and the unique ways their upbringings shaped them. The duo dives deep into the shifts of adulthood, cultural differences between regions, career hurdles, and gives unfiltered, empathetic advice to callers—covering relationships, parenting responsibilities, and even home decor red flags. Throughout, Carl and Stav bring a raw honesty, warmth, and their signature comedic chemistry, peppered with hilarious personal stories and authentic reflections.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Millennial Aging & Nostalgia

• 00:50-06:00
  • The guys riff on realizing they’ve become the “middle-aged” group, with brands rebranding classic products for millennials (e.g., olive oil and Metamucil).
  • Carl: “We're like the old people now…and so they advertise [Metamucil] but we still go out.”
  • Discussing how generational touchstones like “The Simpsons” and 90s-2000s pop hits are now “oldies.”
  • Carl: “We watched TV growing up, like the young kids don't know anything before.”
  • Stav: “I was at a bar and the Nelly and Kelly Rowland song came on…it hit me the way I assume old people hearing a doo-wop ballad hit them.”
  • Grappling with physical breakdowns (broken arm, bad backs) marking age.

2. Athletic Dreams & Reality Checks

• 06:10-29:00
  • Carl shares playing (but not starring) on his D2 college team, division 2 dynamics, and the age/gap of “washed” athletes.
  • Carl: “Division 2 guys…there were guys who were like 26…just eking out one more year to avoid his wife and children.”
  • Stav: “You could delude yourself as a fat guy playing football because being on the line—fat kids who aren’t that athletic smash into each other and think they're NFL material.”
  • From being “locker room guys” to realizing you’ll never play sports after high school.
  • Parental reactions to sports: Stav’s immigrant mom feared CTE, Carl’s family pushed football to “toughen him up.”
    • Stav (on sneaking to football after soccer was dissolved): “I basically was the water boy my sophomore year…saying I’m going to soccer practice while playing football.”
  • On growing into self-deprecating “entertainers” in social circles as fat/outcast kids.
    • Carl: “They would beat the shit out of me and I'd just go run to my grandma crying…my aunties be like, now get that little boy in football or he gonna be a sissy!”

3. Childhood Bullying, Roasting, & Social Dynamics

• 14:15-22:00
  • Navigating black and immigrant family teasing, “heat checks” at the lunch table, and roast culture.
  • Stav: “Each fucking roast is just about social currency…if you're good enough, you can be David vs Goliath.”
  • Carl admits he was never a “roasting kid” and avoided being mean, but self-deprecation kept him close to the social core.
  • Discussing comic influences—Patrice O’Neal, and the tough crowd mentality vs healthy boundaries.
    • Carl: “When Patrice would come on [Opie & Anthony]…just in a brain that you go, how do people think like that?”

4. Weight, Body Image, and Hopes for Transformation

• 23:45-29:00
  • Carl’s dream-come-true growth spurt and weight loss (“the fat kid’s dream”).
  • Stav: “How sure I was it was coming...I kept being like, any day now the growth spurt’s coming.”
  • Both talk about clinging to stories (e.g. Dennis Rodman’s late growth spurt), the letdown of realizing “no one is coming to save you.”

5. Class, Coming-of-Age, and Breaking the Mold

• 29:58-36:32
  • The pressure of family expectations, poverty realizations during FAFSA, and trying to find alternative dreams (writing, comedy).
  • Carl: “Did you ever think comedy…was a thing you could do?”
  • Eldis (producer, joining in): “I didn't really have dreams…just get a solid job someday.”

6. Regional Food Culture Battle

• 34:41-45:14
  • Carl and Stav debate Gulf Coast vs Baltimore seafood traditions, fried food vs boils, and what makes a proper family hang.
  • Stav: “Crabs are not gonna fill you, it's the experience…10 beers, the hang.”
  • Carl explains Mississippi fish fries, gumbo, and real Southern holiday feasts.
  • On trying soul food in New York:
    • Carl: “Every time I've tried it here it just ain't hit like that...I didn't ask for Jamaican food!”

7. Confessions of Childhood Fat Kid Scheming

• 47:13-49:45
  • Swapping stories of sneaking sweets, “homemade dunkaroos”, and getting caught for “fat kid crimes.”
  • Carl: “I discovered putting cake icing on graham crackers…got in trouble.”
  • Family hierarchy and being “the baby” but eventually “sent to football” to toughen up.

8. Career Trajectories: From Service Work to Comedy

• 49:45-58:03
  • Carl’s journey from Rite Aid and UCLA maintenance to corporate videos and finally writing/acting gigs.
  • Craziest bouncer story (see Memorable Moments).
  • Stav and Carl reflect on podcasting’s surprising power—how it surpassed “real” entertainment roles in life impact and audience engagement.
    • Stav: “If I had to choose between being in [a movie] and podcasting…it wouldn't even be a hard choice.”

---

Memorable Quotes & Moments

On Generational Culture Shifts

• “Like, we're the old people now, but we're still not mature. We're just on fiber and still going out.”
  — Carl Tart (02:16)

On Realizing Physical Breakdown

• “37 was forever the year I was like, I'm old as fuck…I'm dying and I'm gonna do drugs to keep me alive.”
  — Stavi (04:49)

On Not Fitting the Mold

• “Bro’s like, I'm about to dip. He just dipped out. Respect. Shout out to the homies.”
  — Carl Tart (07:41)

On Family Football Pressure

• “You’ve got to get that little boy in football, or he's going to grow up to be a sissy!”
  — Carl Tart (14:33)

Roast Table Dynamics

• “Each fucking roast is just about social currency…if you're really good, you can be David vs. Goliath.”
  — Stavi (16:57)

On Comedy’s Real Impact

• “Podcasting has helped me more than being in a movie with the best actors in the world.”
  — Stavi (54:44)

Bouncer Story (Cop Drama)

• [01:00:00-01:03:45] Carl recounts a story where he and another bouncer have to eject a drunken off-duty cop from the bar for choking a woman, only for her dad to show up and fight the cop outside.
  • “Next thing I look up, hands are around this woman's neck. So I go over like, you're out…Her dad pulled up…So we got a break, call the cops…now we just standing there, we not involved in this. As much as I hate police brutality, they got his ass!”

Advice Section Highlights

• Vasectomy Caller:

  • [68:00-74:15]
    Man asks if he should get a vasectomy because his wife’s IUD is hurting him but he doesn’t want more kids.
    • Carl: “You already got two kids and aren’t planning on having more...get the vasectomy. It probably doesn’t hurt at all.”
    • Stavi: “If I was in this position, I’d get a vasectomy, no problem…Just good general business.”

• Recital vs Wrestling Caller:

  • [75:34-84:07]
    Caller debates attending daughter’s dance recital vs. going to Deathmatch Wrestling with buddy.
    • Stavi: “You’re not a monster, you’re a loser…These are your Super Bowls now, dude.”
    • Carl: “This isn’t fun for anybody but you. Your kids’ big events are now the biggest events in your life.”

• Titty Pic Indifference Caller:

  • [84:24-96:17]
    Woman feels dismissed after sending nudes to her husband and he ignores them.
    • Stavi: “It is nuts to not give you at minimum a heart...This is what you do to women you hate.”
    • Carl: “Come on, man. That is a vulnerable thing...Even if you’ve seen them every day for nine years.”
    • Eldis: “This is crazy, crazy, crazy behavior.”

• Whale Skull Red Flag Caller:

  • [98:25-107:17]
    Caller worries that his 4-foot whale skull as home décor is scaring off dates.
    • Carl: “You could keep that joker if you could explain everything about it...Not in my apartment, but in your house, maybe.”
    • Eldis: “If it messes you up even once, it’s gotta go.”

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:50 — Getting older & millennial nostalgia
• 06:10 — Carl’s D2 basketball tales & sports delusions
• 14:15 — Family bullying, roast culture
• 22:18 — Fat kid’s dream: the magical growth spurt
• 29:58 — Realizing class; dreams outside sports
• 34:41 — Seafood wars (Baltimore vs Gulf Coast)
• 47:13 — Homemade dunkaroo confession
• 49:45 — Transition from odd jobs to entertainment
• 58:03 — Wildest bouncer (cop) story
• 68:00 — Vasectomy advice caller
• 75:34 — Recital vs. Deathmatch wrestling: “super bowl” as a dad
• 84:24 — Husband indifference to wife’s sexy pics
• 98:25 — Whale skull as red flag home décor

---

Tone & Mood

• Casual, honest, and self-deprecating
• Supportive but brutally (hilariously) honest in advice
• Reflective on growing up, but full of wild, comic storytelling
• Loose, riff-filled, tangent-prone—but always brings laughs and meaning

---

Notable Quotes (With Timestamps)

• “We're like the old people now, but we still go out … and advertise Metamucil to us.”
  — Carl Tart [02:16]
• “Each fucking roast is just about social currency.”
  — Stavi [16:57]
• “I used to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with no peanut butter. It was just jelly and bread.”
  — Carl Tart [48:35]
• “Podcasting has helped me more than being in a movie with the best actors in the world.”
  — Stavi [54:44]
• “If I had to choose between being in that movie and podcasting, it’s not even close.”
  — Stavi [54:52]
• “It is nuts to not give you at minimum a heart ...This is what you do to women you hate.”
  — Stavi, on titty pic indifference [89:21]
• “You’re not a monster, you’re a loser...These are your Super Bowls now, dude.”
  — Stavi, on skipping a kid’s recital [81:02]

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is a poignant, hilarious journey through aging, ego, self-awareness, and the ridiculous hurdles men navigate from adolescence to (ostensible) adulthood. Carl Tart and Stavros Halkias deliver deeply personal stories, robust perspectives on masculinity, food, and class, and offer some of the most brutally honest—yet compassionate—relationship advice on the internet. The heavy laughs are as plentiful as the life lessons.

Highly recommended segments:

• Carl’s wild bouncer tale (01:00:00–01:03:45)
• Relationship/titty pic advice (84:24–96:17)
• Recital vs Wrestling “dad dilemma” (75:34–84:07)

---

For anyone who hasn’t listened: You’ll get all the laughs, surprises, and genuine advice the show is known for. Skip the ads, stay for the stories and unvarnished takes.

Transcript

[Stavi]

Do you love hair raising allegedly true stories about the paranormal? Then you should summon the podcast Scared to Death. It's the popular horror series with more than 60 million downloads to its name and is co hosted by me, Dan Cummins and me, Lindsay, co host and also Dan's wife. Each week on Scared to Death, we share bone chilling tales from old books and creepy corners of the web. And even some submitted by our listeners. All all designed to make you want to sleep with the lights on. Think you can handle the horror? Tune in to Scared to Death every Tuesday at the stroke of midnight to find out. Carter's has your family covered for every summer. First first steps, first swim lesson, or first sleepover. Our clothes help kids and parents have their best summer ever. Thanks to comfy design and easy dressing details. Generations of families have trusted our must haves for babies, toddlers and kids designed to shine season after season. Visit Carters.com to shop the latest styles or find a Carter store near you. Welcome, Everybody, to Stavi's World, 904-800-stuff. Call in. We'll solve all your problems on the couch. Today we got my buddy, Carl Tart. Carl, what's up, dog?

[Carl Tart]

What up? What up?

[Stavi]

Thanks for coming.

[Carl Tart]

I feel at home.

[Stavi]

You're good.

[Carl Tart]

I feel like grease.

[Stavi]

That's right. That's right.

[Carl Tart]

Picking olives.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Hell yeah. Some fresh olive oil you ever had. What's the freshest olive oil you think you've ever had?

[Carl Tart]

Probably like some Bertoli.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Expensive. Now, I got that. I got a gift of the. The green one with the. It looks like a glue bottle.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

So everybody's doing that one now.

[Stavi]

I'm very skeptical of that. Yeah, it seems like they're. Fuck it. That seems like the last. That's the last millennial coded advertising thing that worked. You know what I mean? Remember where everything was like. You know, the. They were like. They had like. They were rebranding. The funniest one was when they were. They just started rebranding Metamucil, remember? And they were calling it Bloom or some. And it was like. It was like probiotic. And it was like, this is the. The thing my grandmother drank to. It's like, this is just. We can't. Everything can't be cool. Everything can't be. But so anyway, it's very funny that they're doing that with olive oil now

[Carl Tart]

after a night at the bar. You need some fiber.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. That's just like. Because we're like the old people now.

[Stavi]

We are. That is true.

[Carl Tart]

Like the middle aged people now. And so they advertise it, but we still go out 100%. We're not mature, so.

[Stavi]

Well, I did. That's what I was thinking too, where I was like, wow, this is really. I was like. Like I was on in a bar and the Nelly and Kelly Roland song came on and like, to me. And it hit me the way I assume old people hearing like a doo ballad hit them. Like, to me, I was like, oh, this is like the most romantic song in the world to me. I'm hearing like a fucking opera about loving women only.

[Caller 1]

Have

[Stavi]

you like, like in my head, I'm like, that's what I want to play my wife.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavi]

And it's like the culture. The culture adjusting with us is really funny.

[Carl Tart]

It's nuts. Like, I'll be saying stuff at also, like, I think our generation. Because we're the Same age. I'm 37.

[Stavi]

Exactly.

[Carl Tart]

Same age. And at work sometimes I'll like make a reference that like all the old guys will laugh at.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Carl Tart]

And none of the young people will get it. And I'm like, well, I'm not their age.

[Stavi]

That's tough though, because we watch tv growing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Like the young kids don't know anything before.

[Stavi]

You know what? I think it really. I think it's actually the Simpsons because that's the marker. Because there's like our generation is like the most Simpsons loving. Like we were little ass kids.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

We were like as young as you could be to also kind of start getting it. But there were references that we had no idea about.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And even Looney Tunes. Like we were watching shit from the fudgeing 30s and shit.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And so like. And I. But I do think the Simpsons kind of snuck in so many references. Like I did I. Before I knew about Cape Fear. Before I knew about like just, you know, a bunch of fucking, you know.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Who Kennedy was. Mayor Quimby's basically based on Kennedy. Like, they just had all this old shit that I think was kind of timestamped for all of us.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And yeah. Now kids don't. I mean, I remember like when I was like, fuck, how I have to change how I'm living. I was on a date with a girl and I was like. I mentioned Rush Hour. And she was like, what's that? Yeah. And she was like. She was like, who's Jackie Chan? And I was like, I have to

[Carl Tart]

get out of here some though.

[Stavi]

It's crazy.

[Carl Tart]

Some like that is like, well, come on, man. Yeah. Like, you Know what that is?

[Stavi]

Yeah, but they don't. We are old, bro. It's over.

[Carl Tart]

That's like somebody saying to you like, oh, this movie Rain Man. And you're like, rain Man. I know what it is. I might not have seen it in theaters, but I know what it is. Like Rush Hour came out late enough, I don't think.

[Stavi]

Unfortunately it didn't. It came out in the 90s, dude.

[Carl Tart]

Was it 90s? Was it 99?

[Stavi]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

[Carl Tart]

That's nuts.

[Stavi]

A lot of stuff that we think is old is just. Or kind of new. We're so washed, it's over. And I know this physically because I'm sitting here with a broken arm and a thrown out back. 37 was forever the year I was like, I'm old as fuck. I'm a piece of shit. I'm dying and I'm going to do drugs to keep me alive.

[Carl Tart]

We hoop this weekend and you know, I had to show. I had to show the fellas what it was. Of course, you know what I'm saying? I had to let him know. I had to. But then like after like four games, I was like, my h. Yeah, my hip and my groin, I'm like, oh shit. Like A, I gotta lose weight, B, I gotta like stretch. Like not just before I play.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Well, now it's like the worst thing in the world. Is that what something we used to do for exercise is now a little treat for us? Yeah. Like a pickup basketball game is something a 37 year old man who's fat has to think about for 10 days beforehand. You have to start ramping up to it like you're running a marathon.

[Carl Tart]

You have to like fucking the night

[Stavi]

before, jump a couple times.

[Carl Tart]

Like the night right before we had the after party.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And everybody's like, y' all want to do a shot? I can't. I'm hooping tomorrow at. At 2.

[Stavi]

In 12 hours I have to play a leisurely game of pickup.

[Carl Tart]

I can't. Yeah, yeah, I can't. I played in college and I'm like, now I'm like, no, I played one year of college and then started doing comedy immediately after that.

[Stavi]

Hilarious.

[Carl Tart]

Of course it goes away.

[Stavi]

Oh, totally. But listen, for comedy playing one year of college, you. You were like, you might as well be eight times all NBA. Oh, dude, how unath.

[Carl Tart]

As I mentioned, my zero minutes in college basketball. My zero minutes, my basically a manager into the bench. Full, full tracksuit on as much as I mentioned that.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah, dude. Where'd you go?

[Carl Tart]

New Mexico Highlands.

[Stavi]

New Mexico Highlands.

[Carl Tart]

Division 2 did not play.

[Stavi]

What was the mascot in the Cowboys? The Cowboys. Mexico Highland Cowboys did purple and black, which is pretty sick. Pretty sick.

[Carl Tart]

It was kind of tough. And dudes on that team, like Division 2 guys. There were guys on that team who were like 26.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[Carl Tart]

The coolest guys would throw parties.

[Stavi]

100%.

[Carl Tart]

It was.

[Stavi]

And we were cool to you at the time. Yes. But if you look back now, it's a guy who like, eked out one more year of eligibility to avoid his wife and children and to try and get pussy from 19 year olds.

[Carl Tart]

There was a dude who left the team. Shout out. Aaron. He probably watching this. Like. There was a dude who left the team who did. Who just stopped coming back. I hope he was okay. We kind of never heard from him again. But he just. I was like, you don't. You can't. You don't just leave. Like, we got school.

[Stavi]

Yeah. And we. You do, though.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

He's like, this is. We're playing for the New Mexico Highlands Cowboys, D2. This is the kind of thing. This is essentially a bowling league. This is like. This should be that serious in your life.

[Carl Tart]

Bro's like, I'm about to dip. Like, he just. He just dipped out. Respect and shout out. Shout out the homies though. Sanchez.

[Stavi]

There must have been Billy. Sure.

[Carl Tart]

Billy's definitely probably watching this.

[Stavi]

What was Billy about?

[Carl Tart]

Billy was 6 foot 8, from the Midwest and we called him the Bill Dozer. And he was a great three point shooter.

[Stavi]

Love that dude.

[Carl Tart]

We had Elvis from Chicago.

[Stavi]

That's a colorful little group you got.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. L Train. Steve Shanks was our best player.

[Stavi]

Shout out to Elvis. And then also getting a nickname is awesome.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Justin Montoya, who was from the town. He's a Hooper. We were just talking the other day.

[Stavi]

Was there anybody who, like, thought pathetically that they were going to make the NBA, you know?

[Carl Tart]

Well, Steve Shanks actually did get like some G League looks.

[Stavi]

There you go. That's awesome.

[Carl Tart]

He was one of those dudes. I'm not trying to put his business out there, but he was one of those guys who was like, played D1 at a good school and then something happened that he couldn't go back.

[Stavi]

Of course. Of course. Of course.

[Carl Tart]

He. He came to the. He came to New Mexico. He was our leading score. He. He averaged like 30 points a game. Like 25, 30 points a game. He was good as shit.

[Stavi]

That's fucking awesome. So you were. You must have been an athletic child.

[Carl Tart]

I wasn't Athletic. I played everything.

[Stavi]

That's awesome.

[Carl Tart]

But I wasn't never like, great at nothing. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Like, I started playing football and baseball. I'm from Mississippi originally. I started playing football and baseball when I was like 6. And then I moved to LA when I was like 9 and started playing basketball because that was the coolest sport. But I played through high school and stuff and it was, I was always, I was always. Great vibes.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Good locker room guy. Absolutely.

[Carl Tart]

I wasn't last to be picked. I definitely was not first.

[Stavi]

Sure, sure.

[Carl Tart]

But I was not last.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Wasn't last.

[Stavi]

It's very funny how. For me too, because like, I stopped. I wasn't good at sports, but I played them through high school. You know what I mean?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And it's like, it's crazy how much you're just. You're sure you will play sports forever when you're a kid and your entire life is shaped around teams and. And it's just. You never do that again.

[Carl Tart]

No.

[Stavi]

Like, as a teenager I had the schedule of like, of someone who plays pro sports. You're on a football team with a high school football team, seven to seven. Yeah. It's hilarious.

[Carl Tart]

You leave. You leave. You leave your house in the morning at 6:50 and you don't come home till 8:00'.

[Stavi]

Clock. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And your parents don't care. They just know where you are.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Carl Tart]

Like that. I miss it so much. Who was the, who was the guy? Do you remember the guys that were like, the guys that, when you saw them, you went, oh, I'm done after this.

[Stavi]

Well, see, that's the thing though. For football, you could delude yourself as a fat guy. Yeah. Because it was so being on the line, you kind of. You could. What I did. What? If you just looked at video of me playing and like, hello, De nada playing. It doesn't look that different because it's just two fat kids who aren't that athletic going at each other. Right. But we had kids in like, I had, you know, I was. My high school team. Our quarterback, he was one of those like, quarterback who's also the safety that also returns punts. But to me, I was like, oh, I'm the D line version of that guy. Like this guy played in the NFL. But I was like, yeah, I'm pretty much like that. I'm 5 7. I'm 5 7. I cannot bench press. Like, I'd never bench. I came from soccer. Our coach. I've told this story before, but I Always dreamed of playing football, but immigrant family to them, that's like American barbarism. They're like, these motherfuckers just smashed their heads into each other. Like my parents, literally, my mom. My mom shout out to her very early on cte. She was like. She was like, they let children do this. She was horrified.

[Carl Tart]

And we shouldn't.

[Stavi]

Yeah, truly, we shouldn't. But she was horrified when I asked to play peewee football. She never let me. And then our junior. My, my. I was playing JV soccer and our coach gave a child pornography. And they dissolved the JV soccer team. And kind of as a like, hey, we're all cool here, guys. Like, everybody. The school wanted to keep it hush, hush. They're like, you guys can play any sport you want this fall. You have the eligibility. So I got to pretend I played football, lying to my mom that I was on the soccer team. I was kind of doing like a mischievous little Disney movie thing where it was like. It was actually. It was kind of the waterboy. I basically was the water boy my sophomore year, where I was like, ah, another great soccer practice, mom. And then eventually I was like, actually, mom, what made it easier to tell her that he gave for pornography was that this same guy robbed my church. It was a very funny. It was a really funny coincidence where this guy who was disgraced in our community because he robbed our. Literally robbed our church, just showed up as my JV soccer coach. And it was awesome because I also had leverage on him because I was like, nobody's gotta know what your background. Listen, as long as I'm getting minutes, I keep my mouth shut. So it was a very funny. That's how I started was like, some guy tried to give a kid pornography. And that's why I got to play football. And that was like. To me, it was like a very. That was my dream come true of like, wow, I'm getting to do this like a. Like, I'm a real all American boy, You know what I mean?

[Carl Tart]

How'd your mom find out when Bear Brian came to your door? Now, miss, ma', am, I don't mean to take up too much of your time, but you should let your boy come on down the alley, Alabama. He's got something good. He's got a gift.

[Stavi]

Now, miss, we need all the discard. Our trash compactor is down. We need somebody we can sweep up all the leftovers to.

[Carl Tart]

He just hold his mouth at the

[Stavi]

end of the table and we tilt it up and he just sucks up all the debris of Lunch.

[Carl Tart]

All kind of hot dogs and hamburgers and grits and bacon and eggs.

[Stavi]

Ma', am, I've never seen a. A boy eat with the ferocity of your son. Yeah, that exactly right.

[Carl Tart]

Craft single. He' putting on that spaghetti. Wow. Good God almighty. Goodness gracious, snakes alive.

[Stavi]

Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, it was. I basically just one day, I was like, by the way, I'm playing football. And she was like, all right, whatever. And then she started coming to the games and she did the very. She's a very supportive mom, but she does not understand football.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And I would kick off because I came from the soccer team just like the fatted D lineman kicking off. And she would cheer at every kickoff. She thought that was me scoring a goal, I guess she said. But it was fun, dude.

[Carl Tart]

You know, my mom begged me to play football.

[Stavi]

Really?

[Carl Tart]

She. Because I was like a soft, goofy kid.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

She was like, you gotta get some. Every time you fall, you crying. You gotta. You gotta get something.

[Stavi]

Did you have like a big family in Mississippi? Yeah. So you were must so. Yeah. Cause I assume when you're from. In a big ass family, you kind of, what roles you play. You must have played like the fun, goofy kid.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, yeah, I was like goofy and quoting cartoons and all that type of stuff. And my cousins would bully the shit out of me. And I was bigger than all of them. Like I was taller and bigger and. And my little cousins would just beat the. Out of me. They're not little. They. They were, they were a little bit older than me. Like basically the same age. Like two, three years older.

[Stavi]

But they were tiny compared to.

[Carl Tart]

They were tiny compared to me. I was such a big kid. I was 18. Husky at, Kmart.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And so they would, they would beat the shit out of me and I would just go run to my grandma crying and my aunties be like, now you need to get that little boy in football. Cause he's gonna grow up to be a. He gonna be a sissy. You got to let him play football. Why are you saying that about. I was just a little kid.

[Stavi]

Just a 7 year old who's watching Inspector Gadget. He's gonna be gay unless you don't. Unless he doesn't push his head up against the wall.

[Carl Tart]

And my dad, my dad played like he played practice squad pro. Like he had a cup of coffee with the Saints and with Denver. So it was in the blood, right? And it was. We were a football family. We're all very large people, like naturally strong and stuff. And so I. And Me just running around, just. I remember, I remember one time like this. This sticks out of my head because I don't think I was this weird of a kid.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Carl Tart]

But like, I was upset. I had my mom. I was obsessed with like lawnmowers and stuff. And so I had a stick that was shaped like a weed eater and I was like going around a tree and these boys came just like, hey,

[Stavi]

man, what you doing?

[Carl Tart]

And I was like weed eating. And it was like, man, let's go, man. What are you.

[Stavi]

What are you having an imagination, you fucking pussy? Stop imagining shit. Dude. That was the same shit at Greek Town. I got made fun of for getting a scholarship to college. They were like. They're like, you're going to college, pussy. Because these were all guys who were like, they were. They would just work at their father's restaurant.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Like that.

[Stavi]

They knew from the moment they were. They were born.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

They would sell cheesesteaks to the. To in low income areas. That was. That was the whole thing. And they were rich. Like, you know, they had the Nextel. They had, you know, they had like hundreds of dollars. But it was very funny. What, what you'll get bullied for is awesome. Yeah. Just fucking imagining. Weed whacking.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, dude, black people bully you for everything. Like, literally, it's raining outside. Snake got an umbrella. Like, damn. Everybody busts up laughing like it's the funniest damn.

[Stavi]

Well, what I love about it is, like, it's kind of a. You can get made fun of for anything, but it's really just you. Everyone is taking an opportunity to kind of check each other.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Because it's like the dumber you make fun, the less it's deserved. It's kind of a heat check.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, you single out the biggest dork and you can get away with saying anything towards him. But you have to be very specific to, like, to dethrone the coolest kid.

[Carl Tart]

Yes.

[Stavi]

So it's sort of really just about social currency.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Each fucking roast is just like. And if you're really good at them, you can still. You can kind of be David versus Goliath.

[Carl Tart]

And I was not. Yeah. I was not a roasting kid. It was something about me that didn't want to be mean.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Carl Tart]

Like, I was not. I was a. I was a funny kid. I was goofy. Everybody thought I was funny in class and shit like that. But at the, at the roast table, man, I was ass. Were you at the rose table? Were you?

[Stavi]

I could do. Yeah, you could.

[Carl Tart]

You could.

[Stavi]

I could get into the zone. Like, if I was. It was more like if I got in the zone, I was like, I really could fuck some people up.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But it was that thing where sometimes I feel bad because, like, what are the odds that the guy bullying you would go on to just make a. Make a, like, living at it?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, like, I kind of feel bad for some sometimes because it was like sometimes something would get in my system and I just would have to. I would have to do it. And I felt like it was. It really was like that 30 Rock episode where Tina Fey thinks she's the victim of everything.

[Carl Tart]

Yes.

[Stavi]

And then, like, I met a guy 10 years later. He was like, dude, you fucking bullied me. Mercy. I was like, well, you were my boy, dude. We were fucking having fun at lunch. He was like, you were a piece of shit. He was like, I was scared. I was like, what? Just. Cuz I. You know. You know what? I. I don't even. I just. He was an ugly person. I'll get. You know what I mean? He did have some up teeth and. But a nice guy, a sweet guy. And to his credit, he got. We went to a senior trip. He got. And I didn't see. So it's like the Lord did, you know, punish me for my wicked ways and rewarded him. I was punished for by not actually, now that I think about it, I don't feel bad about being a bully anymore because I didn't get any pussy as a child. So it's like it feels. It was only when I let. That's actually interesting. Only when I let go of my bullying ways that I get pussy.

[Carl Tart]

The meek shall inherit the coochie.

[Stavi]

But I think it was just a survival thing where you just had to. It's funny that you could get into because it was like. I don't think I was naturally good at it either, because I do, like, you know, even as comics, I don't really like the. I think the roast joke shit is a little formulaic, whatever, but. But even, like, worse than that is like when people are just getting going and tearing at each other, it's like, that can be fucking scary, dude. And I'm so glad I missed the. Like, I would have. I mean, part of it was I did get. I got put a little in the fucking bullying fucking rinse the cycle by like. I opened for Bobby Kelly for years, and it was like, he's just the most classic bullying the week. You know what I mean? Like, like grew up in fucking. He was. He was in juvie like, from the age of 14. You know what I mean? Like, this motherfucker, he. You know, he really. And I got mercilessly bullied by him, and I think it, you know, got a little out of the system. But I'm glad I missed the tough crowd days.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, man, I would not.

[Stavi]

He would have liked me at all. There's no chance.

[Carl Tart]

I watched this documentary recently. It was. It was like, oh, man, maybe this guy wasn't so great, but also, like, I still love his work, and I still. He's the best. He's, like, truly, like, even watching it, it was, like, so many emotions I went through watching it, of course, because it was like, you know, I love that guy. Like, when I was. When I was growing up, every. I ingested everything when you two came out and all those. Opie and Anthony, and I was not fucking with them, but, like, I loved

[Stavi]

when Patrice would come on.

[Carl Tart]

Well, yeah. And you just want to hear everything.

[Stavi]

Effortlessly funny talker, bro.

[Carl Tart]

Effortless. Like, just in a. In, like, a brain that you just go, how do people think of stuff like that? How do you think of that? And then you watch that doc, and you hear, like, a woman be like, he was awful to me at all times.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Carl Tart]

Ah, shit.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's no good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Like, and you can see it now from a lens of, like, being older, because when I was 20, I definitely was probably repeating 100 crazy, misogynistic.

[Stavi]

But yeah, that is. That's actually a great lesson, though, because it's like, he made great work, but you don't have to agree with everything he said.

[Carl Tart]

Exactly.

[Stavi]

How is it any more difficult than that for people to be like, no. Sex is just not allowed to ever. You're never allowed.

[Carl Tart]

It's like, come on.

[Stavi]

Come on, dude. You gotta watch Elephant in the room and tell me that's not awesome. And speaking of high school football, maybe the best high school football joke of all time, where he's talking about the difference. Where it was like, you know, they're doing, like, a prayer circle now. If a kid. If a kid, like, sprains his ankle. And he was like. When I played, he was like, you wanted to fucking kill people? He'd be like, he's paralyzed.

[Carl Tart]

He used to take his sock, tie it around our head.

[Stavi]

Like,

[Carl Tart]

that was one of my favorite.

[Stavi]

You go to his mom. He was like, yeah, bitch. That's what you get for bringing your son around. Killers.

[Carl Tart]

I told you not to bring him out here, man.

[Stavi]

That was bad. That's good. Stuff.

[Carl Tart]

No, I think that was one of the things. Like people like him thrive at the roasting table. Thrive. But I think we have the same. Because I was also like crazy insecure, like putting on the front. So I think my thing about not wanting to roast. Cause it was kind of like a. If I start this, they gonna come at me even harder. And I don't think I got the wherewithal. Don't let a girl start to roast. Cause I couldn't say nothing back. Like, I was raised by a single mom. I couldn't say nothing back to the. At home, I'd be like, fucking bald headed bitch. You know? You know, and. But I was like, I can't say that to that girl. Like. Like, you know, so I just. I was like, maybe if I'd learn self deprecation very early.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Carl Tart]

Me too. I would pipe shit out about myself.

[Stavi]

That was the. Yes. That was the go to as a fat kid. 100%.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So that was your move. You would just kind of beat them to the punch.

[Carl Tart]

I would beat them to the punch and it kind of kept me around in the popular circles or like in the. In the. Like the girls would be cool. You know what I mean? Like, I remember we went on a basketball trip one time in high school and we had brought these girls back to our room and we were all up in there and the homies ran out of things. The homies that brought the girls back because it wasn't me. I was definitely. And. And. And they like ran out of. To say to them. And they were like, hey, Carl, tell a story. And so I'm like on the floor in front of the beds while they up on the beds with the girls. I'm on the floor on my palate being like, all right, so. And probably repeated some Patrice o', Neill, of course.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Carl Tart]

Probably said like something like that. Like, probably said some. Some joke that I'd heard on. On Premium Blend.

[Stavi]

Yeah. But literally it was. That's the way you would buy your way into the upper social circles as an insecure fat kid.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Is that. You're the jester?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You were literally tap dancing while they got pussy.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You were the night's entertainment. You're like, here. Well, ladies and gentlemen, they're like finger popping. I'll be back. I'll be down here if you need anything.

[Carl Tart]

And I'm. There's always a bodega cat. I ain't never been in New York. There's always a cat on the bread. I don't know What I'm talking about. You know what's crazy? Like, by the time I got to, like, junior year, I got real skinny.

[Stavi]

Oh, really?

[Carl Tart]

But that mentality never went away.

[Stavi]

Really.

[Carl Tart]

Because I went from being the fat kid. Yeah. Once I got. I hit, like, a growth spurt between the summer between sophomore and junior year, I grew from like, 5:11 to 6, 2 6, 3. Like, where. And lost. Just, like, lost all that weight over summer football practice.

[Caller 1]

Wow.

[Carl Tart]

Just lost everything. But that was still. Because then I also went for, like, being like. Like, Ethiopian skinny. You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Where.

[Carl Tart]

I didn't have no. I didn't have no. No muscle on me. No, man.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's. Dude, you got the. You got the fabled. You got every fat child's dream. Well, your disguise, like, the sophomore to junior gave him 5 inches of height was like. You don't understand how. How much I prayed for. How. First of all, how sure I was it was coming.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

For years, I was like, well, any day now, the growth, the spurts coming, I'm gonna lose this baby fat. Like, how. How long it took me to realize no one was coming to save me. I was like, this is it, man. This is not. I kept being like, okay. Even in college. I was in college being like, any day now, I'm just. Because I would cling on to, like, the, like, Dennis Rodman story.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So. Well, Dennis Rodman fucking.

[Carl Tart]

He was 510 and grew to 6 8. Yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

In college. I mean, that's me.

[Carl Tart]

And then.

[Stavi]

And it's just never happened.

[Carl Tart]

I Googled so many. Like, how do you do that?

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Is there, like a hgh? I was trying my best because in basketball, I played, like, power forward.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And everybody would say, well, when you get to college, you're gonna have to switch to guard.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Carl Tart]

One of the reasons I didn't play, because I. That transition was not easy.

[Stavi]

I did.

[Carl Tart]

And I was like, man, what could I do? Like, just to get. If I could get to six. Six.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Then I'd be set. Cause I could be like a Charles Barkley. Sure.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

You know, like, just a brute. Like, I'm shorter, but I'm still.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Nah, man. I was trying to think of anything. I was like, man, how are all these guys this tall? And then you hear about the Dennis Rodman story. 5, 8, 511 to 6 8. It's like, come on, man. That's got to be a. What? Where can I get struck by lightning?

[Stavi]

Yeah. That something's gotta be horrible. Yeah. That's a once in a. I mean, even Anthony Davis had happened to me again. It was never gonna happen for me. I just. But it's just crazy because there was. As a kid, I remember being so sure my life was gonna be awesome, and it just. Every year realizing, like, wait, this actually sucks dick.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

My family's so poor. I remember realizing we were poor and then realizing I was never gonna. Not like, I was. Like, I was never. This wasn't baby fat. And the fact that I was, like, I was never getting taller. It all hit around the same time. It was all around the end of high school, where it's like, you're filling out FAFSA and you're actually looking at the numbers and you're like, oh, my God. How the fuck are the lights on in this house right now?

[Carl Tart]

My mom gives me $2 a day to buy hot Cheetos and a Gatorade at 7:11, and that's not enough.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Y.

[Carl Tart]

How am I. I have to, like, save my $2 from the day before.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

To have four. Of course.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

You. I. That's. That's why I was asking you earlier about who are the guys who. Because I played against a lot of guys who eventually went pro.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Like, who became greats like Harden and Westbrook. Like, all these guys. But, like.

[Stavi]

Right. Because you were in la.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavi]

And LA has incredible high school basketball.

[Carl Tart]

There's guys who didn't go pro.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Who.

[Carl Tart]

You just. Or guys who went pro and you're like, how did that guy do it?

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Like, Solomon Hill was a. I played against him. He was good. Like, he was on the best teams on Fairfax, and he was good. He was. But there were other guys on that team who you thought were going to be like, oh, that guy's going to

[Stavi]

the league and stuff like that. And then you.

[Carl Tart]

You play against them and they do stuff to you that you go, oh, there's no way. I can't. Like, maybe I could play in college. And then you go, maybe I could play D3. And then that dream just fades.

[Stavi]

Totally, dude. And then all of a sudden, you're, Damn.

[Caller 1]

I'm.

[Stavi]

I'm 23. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. But I'm also jealous of athletes because, like, imagine like. Like some. Like, LeBron is a perfect example. He's 41. He's never changed. Like, the way we thought as children. How awesome it must be for the thing you think when you're four, you just never have to change that.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, he never had this realization. There was never a moment in LeBron's life where his dreams couldn't come true. That's got to feel so awesome.

[Carl Tart]

It's got to feel amazing, but it also got to feel insane because you can't go anywhere.

[Stavi]

That's true. But I just mean, like, you. Yes. I mean, I don't mean getting that famous. That's a whole.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But I just mean, like, just picking correctly at 4, your light, your whole life trajectory, and now at 41, you got to be like, I guess I gotta have different life experience. I guess I gotta open up my horizons. But, you know, let me ask you this, though.

[Carl Tart]

Did you not ever think, like, comedy? Because I loved it so much growing up. But it was. But remember I told you I was insecure, so I was like, well, I would never. I can't be what these guys are. I can't do what Cat Williams is doing. When he had all those specials in.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

When I was in high school, I was like, I can't do that. But I love this. And I watched everything. I watched everything. Comedy, everybody's specials, everything on Comedy Central, everything. Whose Line Is It Anyway? Everything that was. That was funny on television. Watched SNL every week. Watched MADtv.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Watched everything. Watched Comic View, Def Jam. And I'm thankful for, like, my family and stuff. Being my parents had me really young, so I was at the babysitter at my teenage cousin's house.

[Stavi]

A lot to see. Shit you weren't supposed to exactly.

[Carl Tart]

Like, five years old, watching Charlie Barnett, like, pour the water bottle on the woman in the crowd. Just being like, what is this? Like, you know what I mean? So, like, it was always something that I felt like I wanted to do.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I guess on some level I did, but it was the kind of thing where you just never. There was no, like, Pee Wee.

[Carl Tart]

No.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? There was no, like, trying it. So it was like. It was. It was the kind of thing where I'm like, I'm just jealous of. Cuz just. It must be. Not even jealous. It must be insane.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

To not have to think about your ne. Like, the us having this realization as children. Like, oh, I guess we're not going to be athletes. They have it in their 40s or 30s.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That's got to be insane. Yeah, it's got to be insane to be, like. Like the first time we got into, like, literally any, like, comedy being the. Everyone starts wanting to be a athlete or. Or, like, a musician. Or some shit. When you're a little ass kid. Y. Exactly. You want to be famous for, like, the basic shit. And it must be cool to never have to change the first one.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I think sports must be the elders. Do you. Did you ever. Because you were never a sports guy. Did you ever have an outlandish, childish dream of what you wanted to be? Or do Albanians not have dreams?

[Eldis]

I didn't really have dreams. I was just kind of like, well, one day I'll, like, you know, get a solid job and.

[Stavi]

Really? You never. You never had anything like. Like crazy. I wanted to be.

[Eldis]

I guess I was always interested in, like, comedy in some level. I didn't know if I wanted to perform, but I was like a big comedy nerd as a kid.

[Stavi]

That's true. That's true.

[Eldis]

And also writing, but I just know.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You were a real literary ass. That is true.

[Carl Tart]

You should write a book.

[Eldis]

I know.

[Carl Tart]

I should already have one.

[Eldis]

No, I don't.

[Stavi]

You.

[Eldis]

Actually, I've written a few things over the years that I like, published in some small. But I don't know, I just never really. I should. I feel stupid because I'm like. Well, writing. There's a. That's like the lowest barrier to entry.

[Stavi]

You don't really need addition.

[Carl Tart]

Tell me about it.

[Eldis]

You just have to, like, try hard at something. It's not like millions of people are clamoring to like, write and publish it. So of course, who knows? Maybe I will. Here.

[Stavi]

You should start doing essays. Isn't it so. Isn't it hilarious that the way the world has come become. It's like an accomplished writer has less of a demand? Like, if you start producing. If you start publishing essays as the producer of Stavi's World, it would get more traction online than like a famous essayist. Probably. They're like, what is the Albanian from Stavi's World? Think about fucking, I don't know. Chocolate chip cookies.

[Eldis]

I know. It is funny. It's like. Yeah, you just need like some kind of social media profile to do anything now.

[Stavi]

World is so stupid.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

So maybe I will.

[Stavi]

Writer. That is true. You fucking love the right. That was. It is Buckner even within door. Like our friend group was all dorks. Eldest was the biggest dork. Probably.

[Carl Tart]

You from Baltimore too?

[Eldis]

Yes. Family? Moved to the county in fifth grade, but yeah. Grew up in the city, you know?

[Stavi]

Yeah, briefly. Eldest Elders. Elders is very early childhood was the most ratchet. But then he went. He went into the burbs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Visible Ah, spring is in the air. You know what I mean. The birds are chirping. We're wearing tank tops again. We got the shorts out. We got the thighs out. It's time for some spring cleaning. We're cleaning that out that garage and finally tossing those mystery cords. But while you're clearing out that junk drawer, take a look at your wireless bill. You're gonna find junk of all sorts. Don't fall for the wireless traps tacked on fees, confusing bills and empty promises. Join Visible and cut out the nonsense. With Visible, you get unlimited 5G data and hotspot on Verizon's network for one flat cost. Just 25 bucks a month, taxes and fees included. It's everything you need and nothing you don't. Plus, for a limited time, new members can get the Visible plan for just $20 a month for one year using code Fresh Start. Refresh your wireless bill with Visible. Clean up that wireless bill, man, it's spring. Clean that baby. Switch [e-mail] terms apply limited limited time offer subject to change. See visible.com for plan features and network management details. Have you ever been late night shopping, finally found exactly what you've been looking for, added it to your cart, and then realized your car's nowhere in sight? And just when you're about to give up, you see that purple pay button? One tap and you're checked out in seconds. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names to brands just getting started. Their shop pay button is used by millions of businesses and it's why Shopify is the best converting checkout on the planet. Can I be honest with you? I didn't even re I I've been using Shopify for my business. I didn't realize this purple shop pay button was Shopify. I use this non stop. A lot of the tracksuits you've seen me in those have been impulse purchases and I'm thankful the shop Pay button was for because I'm looking delicious in those. And if I had to run down find my cart, these beautiful pieces might have sold out before I even had a chance to get them. I love it just as a consumer, I love it even more when it applies to my business. It makes sure those people are buying that merch. They're not letting it in that cart. I love the Shop Pay button. You're going to love it too if if by some chance you're not already using it, see less Cards go abandoned and more sales with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi that's shopify.comstavi I like Baltimore, I tell you.

[Carl Tart]

Too much work for them. Crabs though, at the spot by the water was a nice vibe. They had a band come out there. Oh, I bought. We bought like a dozen for 144 bucks. Picking a little.

[Stavi]

But that's what it's about. It's not about having a. That the crabs are not going to feed. Fill you. It's. It's the experience of you have 10 beers over an afternoon. You know what I mean? The breeze is. But you know, you order some shrimp, you order some scallops also. You get some, you get some sides. And then it's really the hang. The hang is what crabs are about.

[Carl Tart]

That and it was, it was a fun hang, I'll give you that. It was a little bit too much money for a hang.

[Stavi]

It is. It is a little much because I'm

[Carl Tart]

from, like, I'm from the Gulf Coast, Mississippi, and so like, we big, big on seafood. True. And just like throwing out, laying out the newspaper and just dumping.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Carl Tart]

And so it feels maybe it isn't just as expensive, but it don't feel the boil.

[Stavi]

I don't know. I don't want to see a fuck some. I don't like those potatoes in the boil.

[Carl Tart]

Fucking delicious, bro. You tripping.

[Stavi]

You know. You know what I would love? Boil them and then. And then finish them in an oven, get them, imbue them with the taste of a seafood boil. Spray them with a little avocado spray. Smash them down, put them in a fucking air fryer or fry them. Now we're cooking with fucking gas.

[Carl Tart]

That ain't what we.

[Stavi]

We're cooking with jet fuel. If we're doing that, you take the

[Carl Tart]

two more, you take the shell off that shrimp, put it on top of the potato, eat them at the same time.

[Stavi]

That's a texture problem for me.

[Carl Tart]

I feel you.

[Stavi]

It's a big. And I love all those ingredients. Some of my favorite things in the world. If you give me all those things in that boil, I still want the, the seafood done that way. Yeah, but you bought. You smash up that potato and then grill the corn. I'm so in there. Okay, but I need it. I need crisp.

[Carl Tart]

You need it to be separate.

[Stavi]

There's, to me, the, the, the low. The like Southern seafood tradition feels very like for all it's like you have no. It's like somebody with no teeth invented it. Everything's boiled to shit.

[Carl Tart]

Okay.

[Stavi]

You know what I'm saying? And it's like, I just need. I need a little. I need you. I need you to give me some different textures.

[Carl Tart]

I will not agree with this. Especially after having seafood in Baltimore where I was. I was excited. I was open minded.

[Stavi]

Right, right.

[Carl Tart]

And I was like, man, do you

[Stavi]

have a crab cake?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, it was good.

[Stavi]

All right.

[Carl Tart]

It was good. But like, we got. We make that too. New Orleans. Come on, man, you. You got. I'm sorry, I. I can't.

[Stavi]

I hate crawfish are bugs, by the way.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Delicious.

[Stavi]

They're little as full of cray. Yeah. A crab is a much better type of meat. I'm just saying.

[Carl Tart]

We got crabs too, though. We got. You know.

[Stavi]

All right, all right, all right. Okay, all right.

[Carl Tart]

We do. We do everything down.

[Stavi]

All right, all right. I'll give you that.

[Carl Tart]

Out of a pile of mud.

[Stavi]

A hush puppy. You gotta get in the mix for that stuff. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

That's how you get the fried.

[Stavi]

Where you get the fried thing, you

[Carl Tart]

get the fried plate. And ain't nothing like some. Just all you need, some shrimp fries, some hush puppies.

[Stavi]

In terms of fried seafood, you will hear. No. No qualms out of me. It's simply the boil.

[Carl Tart]

You don't like the boy that I had that.

[Stavi]

I just think with a couple tweaks, it's so good.

[Carl Tart]

Fair enough.

[Stavi]

Cuz it's. I. Look, I get it. It started from just. This is your poor. It's literally poor people just throwing a bunch of random in a pot. And I get that. That we don't have to live like that anymore.

[Carl Tart]

So much salt make a horse heart pop.

[Stavi]

Yeah, exactly. That I love.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh, dude, seeing what those are putting in there.

[Carl Tart]

Come on.

[Stavi]

When they're putting so much butter.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I'm saying? You can encase yourself in butter.

[Carl Tart]

There's that one dude I like on tick tock and YouTube who just pours all this Tampico. You put orange jump. We put lemons. He put he boys in tampico. He goes platinum. We got that platinum ball. I love this guy. He puts Tampico. He boys. And I'm. I just be looking at that. I'd be looking at it at work. They're like, hey, you got that sketch? And I'll be like, wait, give me a second. I know that. I know that Tampico got them crawfish popping. I know it's good.

[Stavi]

Hold on a second. Why the would you put Tampico in

[Carl Tart]

there, dude, Season it. I don't know.

[Stavi]

What Salt. It's like a salt and sweet situation, man.

[Carl Tart]

I, I like. I mean, the citrus cuts down on the salt and stuff like that.

[Stavi]

There is not an ounce of real citrus in Tampico. It's fucking. It's.

[Carl Tart]

You put real limits to.

[Stavi]

If Sunny D is too healthy for you, it's like. It's like Tampico. For those who don't know, Tampico makes Sunny D feel like Tampico to Sunny D is soda to seltzer. Yeah. Like, Sunny D is a light, refreshing, barely sweet drink compared to Tampico punch.

[Carl Tart]

If you eating pancakes and you ran out of syrup at your house, you can pour some Tampico on it. That's how thick it is.

[Stavi]

Oh my God. Dude, I used to. To love that ice. You. You would put ice in Tampico would completely disappear. Yeah, it would completely. It would complete. You wouldn't be able. It wouldn't float. It would be. It had some weird buoyant. I don't know the, The. The chemistry of it. The. Or, you know, whatever the molecular makeup. The buoyancy was odd where the ice would float just under the surface and be completely hidden.

[Carl Tart]

It's like Hawaiian Punch. Hawaiian Punch never gets cold, but ice is like, still warm.

[Stavi]

Fuck. I used to love Tampico, but putting food in it. This is. This makes. This makes. That's ridiculous.

[Carl Tart]

I bet you it's good. I watch. It's something. He's explained it before and I can't remember why he does it.

[Stavi]

I bet there's so many chemicals that he knows the break. He's probably on top of that shit.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And he knows that it actually weirdly is a great like, marinade for. For scientific reasons.

[Carl Tart]

That's weird because you do marinate stuff in like, orange juice and stuff.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

So I think he just uses Tampico. Maybe it was cheaper and he found like. Wait a minute. This tastes actually really good. This got some extra stuff in it because I know my dad has like, put orange juice in seafood boils. Real orange juice?

[Stavi]

Yes, yes, absolutely. Real orange juice. I'm with him. 100. That is. Is that like the. The bet? What's like your. What's like a nice special occasion meal? Was that like a holiday meal? A boil or what would you do?

[Carl Tart]

Just like family getting together to get together. So like where we from? Like, we barbecue, but like, it's more about the seafood. So everything's fried a lot of more. A lot more fried stuff.

[Caller 1]

Stuff.

[Carl Tart]

So you go to the. You go to the. We have fish fries. We have barbecues, but we have cookouts.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And it's fish fries. You know, everybody. We done caught the fish that day or something like that. And everybody. Either the. The women cook it like. Yeah, sorry.

[Stavi]

As nature intended.

[Carl Tart]

Like, you bring. You go out, you catch the fish, you bring it home, and all your aunties and everybody just cook it up.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And then it's perfect. And you got. Just fried everything. Then, you know, somebody will do a boil or something like that. Gumbo is the Christmas gumbo for Christmas.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah, dude. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Respect. Yeah. And the Thanksgiving, we're talking straight turkey.

[Carl Tart]

Turkey, dressing, Mac and cheese, yams, cornbread, greens, all that. All the fixings red. We do red beans and rice. And also probably fry up some chicken.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, I know. I honestly was mad. I remember a couple things. Seems goes like. Like, I wish Popeyes was open.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Because to me, whatever turkey does, fried chicken does 1,000 times.

[Carl Tart]

Have you had their turkey?

[Stavi]

I. I haven't. I actually have. It's pretty good.

[Carl Tart]

It's good, but I haven't done it

[Stavi]

for like, one time I went to a Thanksgiving that had it late, so I kind of had it after. You know what I mean? It had been picked through, but it did. It did, you know, pique my interest.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But still just the ratio of fried to unfried meat is too low. A turkey's too large.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. We fried a turkey. Like, me and my dad will fry like three turkeys.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah.

[Carl Tart]

It's so much fun.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's sick. Yeah. I'm love. I'm so. So you're. Do you. So you're. You still have a lot of family back in, like.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I'm going in like two weeks. Okay. My. My dad. My. My whole dad's side's still there.

[Stavi]

Gotcha.

[Carl Tart]

So I'm going for my little cousin's high school graduation, and there probably will be all of this stuff I'm talking about right now to celebrate that after

[Stavi]

the fish fry is something that of everything you've said, the fish fry is the thing that really I need to. I need to scheme on, you know, I need to figure out my own. Because I'm a big calamari guy.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

An idea of getting a nice fish fry. Go. Sounds awesome.

[Carl Tart]

I don't know what we. We'd probably have to fry whiting out here every time I like, see A fish place. They always got whiting.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

So I think that's like we up

[Stavi]

here and there's a bunch of. There's a bunch of shit. No, you get some cod in there? A little bit. I don't know if you're like a cod guy. Nah, nah. Yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

Two.

[Stavi]

Two New England coated Of a fish pollen. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Wild Alaskan pollen. Salmon.

[Stavi]

I don't want to fry. It's too fatty already.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I think white fish is what needs to be fried.

[Carl Tart]

Whitefish needs to be fried. Except red snapper. Red snapper is good fried too. But we do catfish and bluegill and crappie and stuff like that where I'm from.

[Stavi]

Yeah, dude. Yeah. That's fucking awesome. Because the best thing Greeks have is the like barbecuing the whole lamb on a spit.

[Carl Tart]

That shit look good as hell.

[Stavi]

And I will. I keep working on Easter, but next year I promise to host a. I've. That's the la. That's the final thing I need to figure out in terms of. Feel like I've. I've become a man. Is. Is do a whole lamb once for Easter.

[Carl Tart]

That would be dope. You ever go to that Slovakia place?

[Stavi]

It's so. Yeah. The one around here is pretty. It's okay.

[Carl Tart]

We order it for lunch sometimes.

[Stavi]

I gotta. I have to do. I. I used to live in Queens, so it was like the. The Greek food was out of control. It was so good. I have to start doing some investigations in Manhattan. To my. I think I'm gonna do it. I think I'm gonna have a. I think would be up unless I have an encyclopedic knowledge of the Greek. Yeah. The Greek restaurants in New York. I think I need to have. I need to publish my guide for Greek restaurants in New York. And I think that that would be a big public service I could do.

[Carl Tart]

I will say this about the soul food here.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. This going. This is going to cause a lot of problems. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And it's not. There's not my genuine general New York hate.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Carl Tart]

But every time I've tried it here, it just ain't hit like that. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Listen. I'm not gonna fight you on that. You're from the South.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, it's like anyone who would like. We. It's. It's one of those things where it's like if somebody from LA says that they haven't gotten a good burrito here, I'm not fighting them on it.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? It's like I Fully, Fully. I, you know, it's like, even though, like, even my, in my very limited experiences of like having like the famous, you know, going to Harlem and having like the famous fried chicken spot versus the famous New Orleans fried chicken spot,

[Carl Tart]

it's like, it ain't the same.

[Stavi]

It's just not the same.

[Carl Tart]

Ain't the worst thing I've ever eaten. I'm not. Spit it out. Yeah, but people. The thing that pissed me off about New York and with food stuff is like, I'll say that. I'll be like, man, I just haven't had like a really good soul food meal. And people go, dude, you live in Brooklyn, just get some Jamaican food. I said, I didn't ask for that. If I said I wanted Jamaican food, I'd get that. I told you what I want.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. Well, it is funny for them to just to sort of basically in their head making the argument of like, he's just. He means black food. We do have good black food here.

[Carl Tart]

It's great. The Caribbean foods are fantastic. I didn't ask for that. I like a Jamaican patty every now and then.

[Stavi]

The patty's nice.

[Carl Tart]

I didn't grow up like, just like housing Jamaican food. So it's not like my, it's not go to like, I'll eat it. I'm not saying it's bad, nothing. But I like, it ain't just. It ain't like it don't hit the spot that I'm trying to hit when I'm trying to hit that spot.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I know you mean my. I, as a kid one time, because my dad, he did a lot of his business. He was a carpenter. He repaired a lot of restaurants one time as a kid. And sometimes he would just bring random from restaurants home, like they had over like one time he had like a bucket of maraschino cherries. It was the greatest thing as a fat 7 year old.

[Carl Tart]

Are you kidding me?

[Stavi]

Before they, they, they. I remember when they sat down to tell me, like, by the way, in the back fridge, there's like, I had already known about them. I'd already housed half the thing and I had to pretend I didn't know but one time. And sometimes you would bring home like, you know, cases of like, like we always had that frozen gyro meat in my house. Like those little strips. Yeah, the like low grade gyro whatever. But I had that all the time. But one time I had no. And we had no cultural. I was not like the only other cuisines I knew about and either cultures it was like Chinese and pizza. That was it. One time, a box of Jamaican patties just appeared. Just, I guess the rest. Some restaurant he was working for just gave them to him. And it was like a weird oasis. And, like, they appeared when I was, like, nine. And for years, I thought I, like, imagined them. And then I remember finding them in college and being like, this is the fucking best day of my life. I didn't know what they were. And there was no Internet. Even you could, like. You can't Google, like, yellow pocket of beef my dad. My dad gave me when I was 10. Like, that it was. And it was just beautiful. Getting reintroduced to patties, for sure.

[Carl Tart]

But did you ever get in trouble for doing some fat shit? Like, for me, it was when I discovered putting cake icing on graham crackers.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We call that a homemade dunkaroo. Yeah, we call that. We call that a dunkaroo from scratch.

[Carl Tart]

My grandma, she thought she had that icing in the fridge and went to go put it on a cake. Like, she was making a cake for something she thought. She said that I. I know you. I know you lying. And she knew exactly who had done it over, like, it was probably was over, like, three months, you know, that I. And I'm. I'm like, this ain't gonna bother. This is gonna bother nobody. It's been in here.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

It's been in here.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Like, who's caring about this?

[Stavi]

I never see anybody use it. I never see anybody go for it.

[Carl Tart]

Nobody ever uses it. It was the vanilla or cream cheese icing, and I had some graham crackers, and one time I made a. I put it on white bread.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Carl Tart]

And made a sandwich out of. That was some real.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's awesome stuff.

[Carl Tart]

That was another reason why they made me play football. I hate to get his ass out and run.

[Stavi]

Especially because we're talking about. There's probably how many cousins that it could have been.

[Carl Tart]

Theoretically. Yeah.

[Stavi]

The fact that they knew it was you.

[Carl Tart]

They knew it was me. Yeah, they knew it was me. I used to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with no peanut butter. I did not like peanut butter as a kid. I did not. It was just jelly and bread.

[Stavi]

So were you at the, like. Like, we. Of the. Of the cousin power rankings, Were you at the. Were you at the bottom, would you say?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I was the baby, yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh, you were the baby.

[Carl Tart]

I was the baby. I was like a baby in the family. Not by a ton. Like, because I have, like, my cousin Jonas, one year Older than me. My cousin Nick is two years older than me. But, like, I was a baby, I was coddled.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And my mom had me young, so after everybody was like, mad at her for getting pregnant.

[Stavi]

Right, Right.

[Carl Tart]

They immediately went like, we have to protect and raise. And it was nothing but women around. And so I. I was kind of. And then, like, once I got to like seven and was running around the house, like I said, being goofy and doing jokes and singing and stuff like that. It was like, oh, no, he need to go. He need to play football. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

I guess they probably did. They probably, you know, they're happy, you know? Cause you are. You were both goofy and, you know,

[Carl Tart]

you didn't turn out to be a

[Stavi]

fucking coward or anything like that.

[Carl Tart]

They really don't know what I do now.

[Stavi]

Yeah. So it is.

[Carl Tart]

It's kind of okay. They really. They're like, hey, he's doing. See, he ain't asking us for no money.

[Stavi]

We don't need any follow up questions. That is true. It's very hard to explain. Like, especially TV writing.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? It's like. And podcasts. Those are two of the, like, fakest things to explain to anyone.

[Carl Tart]

Well, how do I listen to it? And I go, don't.

[Stavi]

Yeah, please never do it.

[Carl Tart]

No, don't listen to it, for the love of God.

[Stavi]

Never do. I'm so lucky. There's a great. I mean, the language barrier is not that. I mean, my Greek family understands English.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But still, there's so. There's so many hours of just like, like, talking in English.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I'm so happy it's not in Greek. I'm so happy. It's not that accessible to them.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Because some of. Yeah. You know, you just say wild.

[Carl Tart]

They'll like. The only things that my family will see me on is like the most random. I did. Hey, man. Hey, man. So I got the new job. Right. And we had to watch a training video. Man. That's you. And that. I did it. I did like, corporate training videos for like 60 bucks a day in 2009. And they still play them. I look 20 years younger.

[Stavi]

That's hilarious.

[Carl Tart]

And they. And they still playing them. Like, they're like, man, I saw you in that thing, man.

[Stavi]

I.

[Carl Tart]

Man, I was. I was. I was fixing some lighting at the Scientology building. I saw you. Because I did some. I did some science. I used to do Autumn, like, actors access doing Scientology videos and corporates.

[Stavi]

And you're telling people about their seating levels and.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I remember I played, like, an African dignitary in one where, like, I was standing there and I was, like, yelling at one of my cohort.

[Stavi]

Were you doing the voice? Were you doing the Will Smith?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. What are you doing?

[Stavi]

The truth.

[Carl Tart]

What are you doing? Yeah, but it was like, they didn't use it. It was just like, for, like, you know, Scientology brings us together. Blah, blah, like, and it was. Yeah, and it was. And it was like me doing. It was like, you can still. And I'm like, what is this? What is this? And they, like, hand me Dianetics. And I'm like, oh, thank you. Yes.

[Stavi]

And it cures you of your African ang. It can calm even the most rambunctious Africans. That's the power of Scientology.

[Carl Tart]

I am okay now.

[Stavi]

Thank you, John Travolta.

[Carl Tart]

That's literally what I used to do all that shit for. That's how I was making money when I first started corporate videos, where I'm like, the guy who is, like, standing at the water cooler being like, damn, Sheila, those titties are looking great today.

[Stavi]

I can smell your pussy from here. And daddy likes.

[Carl Tart]

Was Craig wrong about this? He always has, like, those generic black names. Of course.

[Stavi]

Of course. Yeah. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Was. Was Donovan mad wrong to say that to Sheila?

[Stavi]

That's fucking awesome. Yeah, I mean, I had. I basically just write. Wrote for a dumb. Like, a bad website, but I did not have any crazy bad. I was just doing so much. I was just, like, doing dumbass stand up. And then. And then podcasting.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, Podcasting. Really?

[Stavi]

Salute. Salute. I still cannot believe how this happened. I still can't believe because it's like, you know, you have those shitty first few years of. For me, it was New York. For you, it's la. And then it was like, just podcast started making money. I was like, oh, I guess this will. This will be good. This is paying my rent. And then it was like, whoa, what the fuck? Yeah, I guess this is how people fucking do everything now.

[Carl Tart]

And it's different for me because I don't do, like, stand up.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Carl Tart]

Like, on my. On my own stuff. Like, and improv doesn't tour that much.

[Stavi]

Yeah. But like, I still say you, you, you, Gabrison Mitch need to put together.

[Carl Tart]

We've been talking. We've been in a group chat talking about it for years.

[Stavi]

That would be. I'm gonna make you do this. It pisses me off that you guys don't tour on your own and make the money yourselves instead of, like, you know, anytime. Group stuff is all great, but it's like, that's the best. That's the best part about stand up. It's one guy and then you pay elders $20 a day, you know, to haul all your suitcases and set up the cameras and it's awesome, people.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, no, we definitely should.

[Stavi]

Sorry, you were saying like.

[Carl Tart]

No, no, no.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Just. Just because I don't. Because I'm not so front facing and because a lot of the TV work I've done, like comedy podcast nerds don't watch.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Carl Tart]

And so like, they'll like hear about me being at SNL now and go, man, you really made it.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Carl Tart]

So happy to see all your successes.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Carl Tart]

And I go, I've been successful for like eight years. I've been doing. I was, I was on a show.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know that Even if, like, dude, acting like that's what people like, they just kind of started putting me in movies. Another thing I don't really understand, but Begonia was. People were like, dude, congratulations. And it. Don't get me wrong, Wrong. Incredibly cool. But it's like if I had to choose between being in that movie and POD and podcast, well, who has affected my life more? Podcasting or being in an Oscar nominated film? It's not even close. Yeah. It wouldn't even be a hard choice to be like, which would you choose? It's like the years of me saying the most embarrassing things in the world on record.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Has been better for me than being in a movie with the best actors in the world. 100. That has helped me. And it's not even.

[Carl Tart]

Wow. I mean, that's the, the, like the, the level of which has changed now.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Where I mean, as people will see me pop into a sketch, I'll be playing a baby.

[Stavi]

I've seen you play Bailiff maybe like 800 times. Every time I'm watching a comedy related thing and a bailiff comes, I'm like, oh, dude, it's Carl.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, but I'll do that on the show and people will be in my DMs like, I saw you on the show, bro. Oh my God, you made it.

[Stavi]

You did it.

[Carl Tart]

And I go, there are seasons and seasons on Peacock of me talking on television.

[Stavi]

Yeah, dude, what? You know, whatever, Whatever. As long as we don't have to have real jobs.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Yeah. Ego check.

[Stavi]

What was your first ever? Like, real job or like the. Or maybe either first or last before

[Carl Tart]

you got writing aid. Okay, I'll tell you the last one too. I worked at. I worked at Rite Aid for, For an Break during. While I was in college.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Carl Tart]

And man, we ate so much ice cream. Like for those of you who don't know, Rite A the grocery store, but like on the west coast, they merged with. They bought out this company called Thrifty, which has crazy ice cream, really good ice cream in it.

[Stavi]

Has their, that little malt. Yeah, the malt one. And it's like, calories aren't so bad.

[Carl Tart]

No, not so. It's real good.

[Stavi]

I didn't realize they had merged. Yeah, I didn't know that.

[Carl Tart]

That was long. Yeah, that was interesting. In the 90s. I remember when I first, when I first moved to la, they still had Thrifties and say save on. And then Rite A bought them out and now Rite Aid's gone. That, that, that, that place is gone now. But it's gone. I worked there.

[Stavi]

Thrifty gone as well. Yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Because I don't even think they have the ice cream anymore. Yeah, I think it's gone. Or maybe somebody tried to buy it out or something. Damn, dude. But look this up.

[Stavi]

Elders don't do some producing.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. But then I worked at, I worked at UCLA in the maintenance department for a couple years.

[Stavi]

Hell yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. And you had to. I had the uniform on.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

I was goodwill hunting. I was the same, I was the same age as all the college kids. Did this math problem. They're like, who the wrote this? That's wrong.

[Stavi]

That's so wrong. You go outside the improv. The improv club.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And you're like, that was the wrong. Yes.

[Carl Tart]

And that was the wrong. Yeah. And I start, I was doing that when I first started doing improv. And then, man, my last job before I got my first entertainment job, 2016, first long term entertainment job. Because I had done a little bit part.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Carl Tart]

Before that, but. And I was doing background for years.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

But my last real job was I was a bouncer at this bar called Barney's Beanery.

[Stavi]

Oh, wow.

[Carl Tart]

It's super popular now. It was, it was a degenerate place when I was working.

[Stavi]

Hilarious.

[Carl Tart]

And I worked at the one in Burbank and the one in Pasadena. And I was, Yeah, I was a bouncer. And they would like send us over to the other ones. Like right now the Santa Monica one is like, like one of the most popping spots in la. And not Santa Monica City, but Santa Monica Boulevard, West Hollywood. And they would send us over to like, you know, oh, it's slow over here.

[Stavi]

So auxiliary bouncers. Yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

But I was a bouncer there and then I was Bouncing there when I got the mad TV reboot.

[Stavi]

Fuck yeah, dude.

[Carl Tart]

And I was still working, and I kept calling off my shift, and the manager was like, bro, you gotta quit or something. Like, you leaving me hanging. Like, you can't call me on a Friday at. At 4, being like, yeah, it's gonna go late tonight. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

So I quit.

[Stavi]

It's funny. Would you go straight from filming to bouncing?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And offer the opportunity to tell it on a podcast? Like. Yeah, but, yeah, no, I would. I would. I would leave. I would leave work and. And go do my.

[Stavi]

And do you ever.

[Carl Tart]

Bout.

[Stavi]

Who's. Do you ever bounce? You ever toss anybody out, DJ Jazzy Jeff?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I did. So there's definitely times I. I got one story, and I think the statute of limitations is up, but there was one time these. These cops used. They would play softball.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And they would come in and eat pizza. Like, Barney's had pizza. They would just, like, eat and watch games or whatever. And one night they brought one guy in, and I didn't realize that he was also a cop, but, like, he was drunk off his ass, like, crazy drunk, and was with people and. But these guys were regulars and they were cool, and they were caught, like, so, like, you know, it was just like, all right, man, just watch it, boy.

[Stavi]

Yeah. When you back the blue, like, all

[Carl Tart]

of us, you back the blue, I will walk over to their table and hand them their chili and go, y' all lives matter, matter. Yeah. But this dude was tripping out, and I saw him, like, tripping on somebody one time, and it was a woman that was there. And I walked over like, hey, man, we all good here? You know, I was nice and. And. And. And it was like, yeah, yeah, we're good. Yeah, leave us alone. Like, I'm like, all right, well, I. I'll let that slide. But also. And again, I didn't know this guy was caught because the other guys had left. Left. Oh, they took off and he stayed there. He was talking to this woman and.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's a problem.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Like, when. The problem is the one who stays.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, when. Yeah, I think they just left. He must not have been friends with them or something like that, or they just, like. He just, like, joined the team that night, and then he left. They all left him there, and then they. He. Next thing, I look up and he's got his hands around this woman's neck. So I go over like, you're out.

[Caller 1]

You're done.

[Stavi]

Jesus Christ.

[Carl Tart]

Like. And I think they knew each other.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Carl Tart]

They did know each other.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. And I'm like, that's it. You're done? Yeah, Full nelson. Get him out, toss him out. Bartender, homie. My homie Will jumps over the bar. We both get this dude out. She comes out like, what are you doing? Don't stop. It's okay, it's okay. It's okay. Blah, blah. Yeah, we sent him on. Like, you're done, bro. You all both could get out of here. It's over with.

[Caller 1]

With.

[Carl Tart]

We sent him on. Next thing you know, somebody comes from the patio. It's like, yo, man, that dude's getting to a fight outside.

[Stavi]

Oh, my God.

[Carl Tart]

Her dad pulled up.

[Stavi]

Her dad.

[Carl Tart]

Her dad jumped out the van going at it with this dude. It's still on bar property. So we got a break. Like, what?

[Caller 1]

What the.

[Carl Tart]

Call the cops. Call the cops. Call the cops. So we.

[Stavi]

His phone rings.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, we call. He's the only cop it down. And then he starts. We pull him off. Off. She gets in the van, like, with. With her dad.

[Stavi]

They pull off, they leave. Someone's dad comes in. Yeah, it's so crazy.

[Carl Tart]

And he's sitting there lecturing us. And this, like, really put me in a mind, like, sometimes what cops be like, thinking, yeah, yeah, because he's lecturing me and my boy because we, like, stand in front of him now and he's like, and you guys. You guys hate us. You hate us.

[Stavi]

Choking a woman in your bar is trying to become mor. Superior to you.

[Carl Tart]

You hate us because. Because I call you the N word. Why you hate me? I'm protecting you. I'm protecting you from yourself. And I went. I was like, oh, this is the psyche. That's when I found out he was a cop because I got scared. I was like, I. I, like, got this dude in full. Nelson pushed him out. Like, I was like. I was like, I'm done, man. I ain't gonna be able to drive through Glendale at all no more. They're gonna whoop my ass. And. And like, he was lecturing us. And I was like, getting into the. And I'm like, oh, that's what they like. They're like, you. You guys are the real threats. And good ones. Like you. I'm protecting you. So you get mad at me because we gotta rough up. Because this is around the time of, like, Mike Brown, of course. Like, it's like 2016.

[Stavi]

And. Which is like, also completely had nothing to do with the situation.

[Carl Tart]

Nothing.

[Stavi]

He was just a piece of shit patron. You had no idea. Nobody, as far as I Know nobody in the story was black. It was all white on white crime. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Latino, Latino, Latino.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And. And he was. He. So the cops came, and they're trying to arrest him, and he starts resisting like a. Oh. Like, he starts fighting back, like, punch, like. Like a lady cop. This dude's got a real problem with women.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Because he jammed the lady cop against the door. Other cops starting to come out. It's. And now we just standing there, like, we not involved in this. And. And, like, as much as I hate, like, police brutality, they finally got this dude on the ground, and one of the other cops just went boom, boom, boom. Got his ass. And I was like, get his ass. Get his ass. Shouldn't have been resisted. Shouldn't have been resisted.

[Stavi]

That's funny.

[Carl Tart]

You got to get him. And then I had to. I had to, like, go to court for that and everything, because I was, like, one of the main witnesses, of course.

[Stavi]

Holy.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And what happened to him, dude, Evan,

[Carl Tart]

I don't know, and I do not care.

[Stavi]

You don't care?

[Carl Tart]

I don't know. That's been. That's been. I was. I was already, like. By the time the court case came, I was already.

[Stavi]

You were done.

[Carl Tart]

Done at the job. I literally was in the writers room for this show called Brockmire that I wrote on this Hank Azaria baseball show. I was in a room, and I got a call from a detective and was like, if you could just give me a call back. And it's about an incident that happened at Barney's Beanery two years ago, and I'm like, ah. And I had to go testify and stuff.

[Stavi]

That's fucking wild, dude.

[Carl Tart]

So I hope that's an okay story to tell. I think it should be.

[Stavi]

I think it should be.

[Carl Tart]

Whatever. It's been a long time.

[Stavi]

It's fine.

[Carl Tart]

But now. Now I've re upped my clock of not being able to drive through Glendale talking about me.

[Stavi]

My guess is that guy was disciplined, and he. He did some counseling, and he's really changed his ways, and that's what the.

[Carl Tart]

That's what the court vibe was.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

He was crying.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I wasn't. I wasn't in a good place that night. I'm like, you miss me with that, man? I don't care about your apology.

[Stavi]

That's awesome.

[Carl Tart]

Them. Yeah.

[Stavi]

That's beautiful, man. Well, hopefully our callers have some questions about.

[Carl Tart]

Oh, hell, yeah.

[Stavi]

Bouncing people, police brutality. You know, what. What have you. I'll just Play it. Give us some calls, little buddy.

[Eldis]

Hold on real quick. Some happy news. Thrifty Ice Cream is still in business.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's great to hear.

[Eldis]

They were acquired by an invest. Hillrod holdings, an investment group formed by executives who work at Monster Energy.

[Stavi]

Oh, interesting. Thrifty is now under the control of Monster Energy Drink. Huh. Interesting.

[Carl Tart]

They. Oh, something else that's not the energy drink. They own something else that's like. Oh, like Hanson's. Remember the health. Like what was supposed to be healthy soda, but it actually still had like 40 grams of sugar. Oh, yeah, Hanson's, that they would sell at like, Whole Foods. Yeah, yeah, I think that was also a Monster Energy. Like some of them pipes getting crossed.

[Stavi]

Well, I'm usually not a fan of, you know, corporate acquisitions. Yeah. But at least let's keep Thrifty alive.

[Carl Tart]

As long as the ice cream alive.

[Stavi]

Keep through. Yeah, keep.

[Carl Tart]

Keep the corpse cylinder. They had these iconic scoops that were like, flat on the top.

[Stavi]

Oh, see, I. I know it's solely as a prepackaged.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Pint. And I gotta say, the malt I go to bat for, I want it right now. See if there's any around. Google Thrifty Malt Ice Cream near me,

[Carl Tart]

and they're gonna be like, dude, just eat Jamaican ice cream.

[Stavi]

Play us some calls, little buddy, while you do that. This episode of Stylized World is sponsored by Twisted Tea. Some of the best days don't start with a plan. They just need the right drink to keep things going. And that's where Twisted Tea comes in. You know, sometimes you're just a couple of fellas. It's a low key little chill sesh. But when you get the Twisted Teas, you crank it all the way up. Because you know the thing about Twisted Tea? It's smooth as hell, tastes good, and it's made with real brewed tea. It's built for those days that kind of take on a life of their own. When Twisted T shows up, it don't really matter what the plan was. Suddenly, everything feels a little more fun. Seriously, wherever the day starts, Twisted T has a way of keeping it going. And at 5% alcohol, it's just got enough kick to keep things interesting without tipping things over the fricking edge. Planning an adult field day in the backyard with your crew. Bring along a Twisted Tea. Headed to a friend's outdoor birthday party. Steal attention from the birthday boy by bringing Twisted Tea. It was gonna say, who the fuck's. Who gives a fuck whose birthday it is? This fucking guy brought me ice cold Delicious twisted teas. Maybe I should reward him somehow. Crack open a can of twisted tea. Remember, always keep it twisted. Must be 21 plus. Please drink responsibly. Fellas, at some point you got to stop blaming stress, sleep or just getting older. If bedroom performance is in question, it's probably crossed your mind to do something about it. The good news? You don't have to jump through hoops to fix it. HIMSS connects you with licensed healthcare providers online, giving you simple access to legitimate ED treatment options from home. No awkward appointments, no pharmacy lines. Just complete a simple online intake and a provider will review your information to determine if treatment is right for you. If prescribed, your treatment ships directly to your door in discreet packaging. To get simple online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, hair loss, weight loss and more, visit hims.comstavi that's hims.comstavi for your free online visit himss.comstavi Prescription required. See website for details and important safety information. Sildenafil is the generic version of Viagra. Niagara is a registered trademark of Beatrice Specialty llc. HIMS is not affiliated with or endorsed by Beatrice.

[Caller 1]

Hey, Starvey. Hey, eldest. Hey, guest.

[Stavi]

So

[Caller 1]

my wife and I have started doing an only fans. She is on the smaller side and I'm on the larger side. Problem is I keep rubbing up against her IUD string and it's like causing a lot of friction, obviously.

[Stavi]

How do we know they have an only fans?

[Caller 1]

Only fans now?

[Stavi]

Yeah, true.

[Caller 1]

So she has been telling me that she's going to take it out, but she wants me to get a vasectomy. I am 28. Ideally, I don't want to have to do that whilst I'm under 30. Right. But, yeah, that's basically my question is, should I get a vasectomy? She won't go on any other kind of birth control if she gets us taken out. And I can't afford to keep popping out children. We have to already and we're not planning on having any more.

[Stavi]

Then why do you want to won't get a vasectomy?

[Caller 1]

Let me know. Sorry, that was social. Hopefully this is on a free one because I don't.

[Stavi]

All right, we got it. Shut the fuck up. So. So his issue is. His issue is he has. Now that him and his wife have an only fans. The people demand cream pies is what I'm hearing. Because that's the only reason he would have to mention the only fans. There's no. In fact, can we. He didn't need to mention the only fans, but it Seems that that's his. His. The. What we can infer here is that he has to nut in his wife because that's what makes money, I guess. Otherwise, why would you give a.

[Carl Tart]

Why would you care?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

You could have just said, my wife wants me to get a vasectomy.

[Stavi]

Right, exactly.

[Carl Tart]

That could have been solved.

[Stavi]

So, okay, so the thing rubs up, the little string cuts his. Because his is huge. Huge. He has to brag about his huge dick. And his wife's a little.

[Carl Tart]

But also, my dick is bleeding right now from that. Right now.

[Stavi]

What is it? Can't. Haven't we had calls about this? Does it. Can't you get that trimmed?

[Carl Tart]

And can't you get it in your arm, too?

[Stavi]

The iud? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. She only wants.

[Carl Tart]

She only wants that one. Which. Her. Right.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

It's also your right to not want to get a vasectomy.

[Stavi]

And then. And. But then you want to hear the. The most heartbreaking thing possible. If that's. If you're both standing your ground, you're gonna start. You're gonna start using condoms with the woman you have two kids with. Can you think of a fate worse than that? That's insane. So, look, dude, it's up to you. Why do you have this weird. Well, I'm only 28. I should get a vasectomy. He says he's already. He's planning not to have kids again.

[Eldis]

Yeah, he also. He also. When he asked to put it on the free episode, he was like, I'm not on the Patreon. My kids are. Are expensive enough as it is, so. Which is also like. Did you guys just start this? Only fans. Is that money coming in?

[Stavi]

Yeah, the only fans is just a. He wanted to brag.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Also, it's like. Is. Yeah. Is it making money? Is a really great question, Eldis, because it's like, if it's not, what are we even doing here?

[Carl Tart]

I hear that Mountain Dew helps with this issue.

[Stavi]

Oh, true.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's a good point. Put a bunch of. Sit on a bunch of hot. Get some Jamaican patties. Sit on there.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, get some Jamaican patties. Sit on them.

[Stavi]

Right? Get your nuts hot.

[Carl Tart]

Sit in the hot tub every day.

[Stavi]

Hot tub while you're drinking ice cold Mountain Dew. Yeah. Yeah. What else is bad for you? Look up stuff bad for yours. Elders. You should know this. You were trying to juice your nut. What's good? What's bad for a sperm.

[Eldis]

I mean, years for me. You know, I wasn't told this out, right? Be very fat. Here's a terrible diet. Smoke weed a lot for McDonald's, 10, 15 years. Drink a lot of cigarettes.

[Stavi]

My jizz must be so low quality right now. I'm on a hundred mgs basically every day. That must be slowing. Swimming. Slow as.

[Carl Tart]

Dude, we. Maybe this isn't the story to tell.

[Stavi]

Yeah, man, whatever you want. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

There's a mutual friend of ours who I had a conversation with. We were talking about not getting morning wood anymore.

[Stavi]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Carl Tart]

And it was something.

[Stavi]

Oh, no. It's a story to tell. Don't worry. This is the right pod.

[Carl Tart]

And I. I got, like. I got nervous about. Because I had stopped thinking about it.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Carl Tart]

And I was like, well, when I'm stimulated, if I.

[Stavi]

If.

[Carl Tart]

If I have a. A bed guest or something like that, I'm. I'm good. I'm still, like. I'm still good the morning, unless I'm too tired and I'm like, go, get out. Of course I'm sleepy.

[Stavi]

I'm sleepy. Get out.

[Carl Tart]

But. But if it. But if. If, like, I ain't never had a problem with it. Like, and. But then I started paying attention to it every morning, tracking it.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Even wood journal.

[Carl Tart]

Like, that's what like. Like, started making me, like, slow down drinking because I was like, waking up being like, my. Don't worm right now. God damn.

[Stavi]

Like, fuck, dude. That's very funny. Starting a little chart. That's like, smiley face, frowny face every morning. If your dick gets harder. It's not. But this guy's problem basically is like, look, if you don't plan on having any other kids, a vasectomy does seem like an okay solution here. If you didn't have kids, I would say don't get. Get one.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And you. But if you. If you're already had kids and aren't planning on having any other ones and you just have some weird emotional rejection of getting a vasectomy.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

We're here to tell you you don't need to do that.

[Carl Tart]

No.

[Stavi]

Or. And if you're really, really, you know, worried about it, freeze some jizz, I guess.

[Carl Tart]

Can you do that?

[Stavi]

I think so.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. If you. If you. If you already got two kids and you're like, we not planning on having anymore, and this is your lady for life. And.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And y'.

[Stavi]

All.

[Carl Tart]

Y' all at it like, yeah, get the vasectomy. It probably doesn't hurt at all. At all. I. I am scared to get one, but I also want to have kids. Yeah. But, like, it is like, I'm fine with wearing a condom.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I will. I would 100 if I was in this position. I would get a vasectomy, no problem. Yeah, that seems actually kind of nice knowing you can never get anybody pregnant after you're done having kids. Seems. Seems just like a good. Just kind of good general business, I would say.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

A good way to. A good way to behave. Next question. Eldis. Uh. Oh. What the hell? What the hell's going on? Holy fuck. It's time to fucking keep it fucking twisted. Keep it twisted with fucking twisted teeth. It's time for the fucked up ass motherfucking question of the week. You want? Yeah, you can have this if you want. You don't have to drink.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, sure. I'll take a sip. I'll break fast.

[Stavi]

Oh, no, no, you're. Oh. You're on intermittent fasting. Please, just put it, just put it on the table. Look, we love twisted tea here, but we love, you know, we love the fad diet. Our plus sized friends are on this week even, even more. It's the twisted ass up ass motherfucking ass question of the week. Of course, Carl, as you know, and this summer it's extra twisted and ass fucked up because we got the summer party pack, baby. We're talking original half and half rocket Pop and the new Twisted Lemonade. Yeah, and a really nice element that I love. That's right, the new Twisted Lemonade. It comes in a rad color changing can and is only available in the summer party pack.

[Carl Tart]

Oh.

[Caller 1]

Ooh.

[Stavi]

You gotta keep it extra twisted with this new summer party pack. Holy shit, Eldis. What's this week's fucked up motherfucking twisted ass question of the week?

[Caller 1]

All right. Hey, what's up, Stavi? I have a bit of a moral dilemma and I need a little bit of your council of Greek philosophers. So in June, my five year old daughter has a dance recital. It's important. She's been practicing the whole thing. She's been going to dance for a bit. But it also happens to be the same weekend as the biggest professional wrestling death match tournament in the world.

[Stavi]

Come on, man.

[Caller 1]

Place in Atlantic City. It's basically like the super bowl of gas match, right?

[Carl Tart]

Football is real.

[Stavi]

Come on, dude.

[Caller 1]

So this is also a tradition weekend for me and my friend, he's sober, so I get absolutely loaded while he responsibly makes sure I don't die.

[Stavi]

Oh, okay.

[Caller 1]

Gambling and such, it's a great system. But my kid, like I mentioned, she's five and we have things just about every month or Every other week. Dancing, school things, soccer, kids.

[Stavi]

Oh, you mean. Oh, hold on. I think what you're describing is being a parent and, you know, every day we feed her and cloth her and I never make her pay for anything. I never. I've had. I've sent her no Venmo requests. I get. I get every line. Keep going.

[Caller 1]

That happens a lot. And I'm generally. If I'm invited or if it is an occasion I can go to, I will. So I asked my wife about it. She said it was okay, but in that, you know, it could go either way with her. And, you know, I figured she'd be okay with it, but. And my kid doesn't really remember things. She's five. I don't expect her to remember this. Woman 1.

[Stavi]

This is the least objective. Like, this is the. Lee. This is the most fucking unreliable narrator we've ever heard for anything ever. I'm sure your wife and child both are like, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah, no, go to the end, dude. Of course. Get up. I'll get up and watch. I guess it sounds like low grade professional wrestling. Yeah. Sounds like the kind where they still let them, like, cut each other with fucking razors. Yeah, like, use real bricks.

[Carl Tart]

That's not WrestleMania. He's talking.

[Stavi]

No, no, no. He's talking about something called Death Match Wrestling. Look this up, Elders. What the fuck Deathmatch wrestling is. Anyway, finish his call to,

[Caller 1]

you know, another hundred. But I'm sitting here like, is that bad? If I miss one recital for Death Match Wrestling, I mean, I'm going to tell my daughter I'm working, which technically am. And, you know, spiritually, no, you're not. But yeah, I'm wondering.

[Stavi]

No, you're not at all. What do you mean? Spiritually you're working. You're having the best time of your fucking life.

[Caller 1]

Or if I'm a monster.

[Stavi]

You're not a monster. You're a fucking loser.

[Caller 1]

Please tell me the truth. Thank you.

[Stavi]

Oh, we'll tell you the truth, chief. You think I'm gonna fucking mince words when a wrestling fan asks if he should go to his daughter's recital or get. Or go to death? What is Deathmatch wrest Eldis? Is it anything specific?

[Carl Tart]

It's even faker than the WWE or

[Stavi]

even, like, TNA or like, you know, one of those other ones? I mean, now, I will say now I'm. I think that's probably a pretty fun thing to go.

[Carl Tart]

Sure.

[Stavi]

Low level pressure wrestling is actually more fun than a. Like, we went to some. I went to some WWE stuff for my brother's bachelor party. Like, we want to do some wholesome. He's not a strip club guy. So we did like, you know, went to some basketball games. We went to wwe. We had a fun, you know, it was just fun. I bet you that's fun as shit. So, you know, sorry for the shots at Deathmatch wrestling.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But the thing that pisses me off the most about this here's where you're really not keeping it twisted. Part of the keep it twisted ethos is not lying to yourself and lying to your friends. All right, You, I despise that you wouldn't just give me the facts of the matter here that you're trying to tell me. What really pissed me off is when he said he was technically working. That's just a pure lie. In no way are you working. You are fully just ignoring your family responsibilities to do the opposite of working. Which is fine, but don't lie to me. And I feel like I'm being lied to throughout this whole thing. I think you are really underplaying how much they would care. And so I'm just gonna. Instead of listening to you and your reporting, I'm just gonna summarize the facts. A grown man who complains that there's pretty much something to do every week with his daughter and claims that a five year old, not a one year old, doesn't remember things a five year old remembers, especially the recital. Like, this isn't a soccer game. This isn't a dance practice. This is the thing. She's. He even said himself she's been practicing for months. Months. And you're saying it's like, I just think, dude, you and your fucking friend can go, okay? You're missing the WrestleMania of Death match Wrestling. Yeah, how about go to the SummerSlam of Death Match Wrestling this year and get drunk as fuck. How about just any other weekend than the weekend your fucking daughter is doing a rehearsal is the weekend you get fucked up with your friend.

[Carl Tart]

That's what tipped me off too. When he said, my friend is sober. I was thinking he was going to say something like, so this is a event that we do together where I stand in solidarity with him. No, he. And so he's gonna be able to keep me, make sure I don't die. So this isn't. This isn't fun for anybody but you.

[Stavi]

You're a burden on everyone in this story. This. Yeah, I mean, look, you're keeping it way too fucking twisted. You want to keep it because part of, again, the keep it twisted ethos is drinking responsibly. Yeah, and you've already talked about not drinking responsibly. That's one thing I know twisted tea would never stand for. Ok, so right now you're keeping it way too fucking twisted. Grow up you fucking pussy. You have a daughter. I'm sorry. You can't watch fucking grown men shatter the collagen in their shoulders for your enjoyment. I'm sorry. You have to fucking make sure your daughter becomes a person. A well you know, a well rounded person who has no psychological issues with men or authority figures. Just go to the fucking important recital. And from now on the stuff your kids do the your kids big. Your dumb ass should think of your daughter's recital as this. Now these are your Super Bowls, dude. And by the way, doesn't that make you. Aren't you a. Seeing your kids do shit should be what parents want to do.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, it should be fun, right?

[Stavi]

See my dude, I. I can't wait to go to my nephew's. He's one and a half. When that motherfucker has baseball or soccer games or I know my brother wants to put him in jiu jitsu and wrestling and like like that. I'm going. I can't wait to go to that little motherfuckers meetups. And I get it. You're their parent. I'm the uncle. I fly. I get to fly in for the fun stuff. You're there day to day. I get it. I get it. But still I would say if this is a big. If this is the big recital you have to go. If now if it was a soccer game and you miss one and but you're at all the other ones. You fine dude. But it's like your kids big events are now the biggest events in your life.

[Carl Tart]

She's been practicing for.

[Stavi]

She's been practicing. You fucking animals. Animal.

[Carl Tart]

You better be. You better bring the grill and have some.

[Stavi]

Exactly.

[Carl Tart]

Wings on the grill,

[Stavi]

dude. Tailgating a kid's thing.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I started.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I saw a tweet somebody was talking about like why don't we start tailgating movies? And I was like dude that sounds awesome. When we saw Speed Racer. Imagine if we had a grill going before we're smoking weed and eating. You know what I mean? Like pork chops right before going.

[Carl Tart]

Getting turned up before Michael.

[Stavi]

That would be a great one to. Because that's not really a movie. That's more of like a shitty YouTube video. Like an AI. It's like an AI like UPS upscale of old Michael Jackson.

[Carl Tart]

Stuff you loaded on wings and twisted teeth.

[Stavi]

Exactly.

[Carl Tart]

Exactly.

[Stavi]

How good would it be to be. Yeah. Having. Yeah. Here's what you do, buddy. You. It ain't wrestling, but why don't you pregame your daughter's recital responsibly with some ice cold twisted tea? Keep it twisted. Keep it twisted, but not too twisted. And go to your daughter's recital or you're a piece of shit. That's so fucking awesome. Oh, fuck. Oh, we're leaving the twisted zone.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah,

[Stavi]

we kept it fucking twisted. What else we got? Eldest.

[Caller 1]

Hi, Savvy baby. Yes, hello. I am calling with a tit related issue. Tiny bit of background. I've been with my husband for nine years. We've been married for six and we have a two year old daughter.

[Stavi]

Nice.

[Caller 1]

We have an active and fulfilling sex life. But something recently put me off in a weird way.

[Carl Tart]

Okay.

[Caller 1]

I sent my husband a series of titty pictures. And when I went back to look at what he had replied, all he had done was open them, didn't save them, didn't heart react, didn't give any response. So I thought maybe my photos inspired some impromptu jerking session. So I said, not even a thank you. He responded, lmao.

[Stavi]

I respect that.

[Caller 1]

I said, what is funny? He said my reaction was funny, that I was being ridiculous. I asked him about it the next day. He got defensive and was annoyed that I wanted some sort of recognition. Recognition.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Caller 1]

For the nude photos I sent him. Told me, why do I have to say them? Why do I have to say anything? I'm not obligated.

[Stavi]

Wow, this is crazy stance to take. This is a crazy line in the sand to draw. Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

With your wife.

[Stavi]

With your wife.

[Eldis]

Life.

[Caller 1]

Hello. And am I being needy? I don't have the best rack ever.

[Stavi]

Whoa, whoa.

[Caller 1]

See, this is.

[Stavi]

This is being a bad hu. This is. What you have now done is made your wife insecure. Yeah. It's that you're. Because it's done. First of all, it's rude to send

[Carl Tart]

that rack to us.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. Let us see the. And I will say in general, we are always open to looking at tits on this podcast. So we will look at them and we'll say, nice title hits, you know? Anyway, finish up elders

[Caller 1]

ever. Especially after breastfeeding. Oh, but damn, am I asking.

[Stavi]

Why would he.

[Carl Tart]

Why would he make me feel this

[Caller 1]

way for him to respond to my titty pictures with something nice?

[Stavi]

No.

[Caller 1]

Like so sexy. Love those titties. I mean, something. I know he isn't obligated to do anything, but I don't know. Let me know. Stop you, baby. Love you.

[Stavi]

This actually, this breaks my heart.

[Carl Tart]

That's pretty mean.

[Stavi]

This is so mean. Like, I can't fathom not even a heart. Listen, you got a heart react.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

At the absolute. If, if your office is on fire and you're being rescued by firefighters, like if you're, if you're being hoisted over a stronger man's shoulder and you and your wife sends you some titty pictures and you're busy, you got even in that case, you send her a heart react. Yeah. The heart react is for when there's an emergency, an emoji. The hierarchy is bespoke, you know, written sentence back. Maybe trying to get some fucking, you know, getting, getting frisky. Some text, some sexting. That's the, the highest thing you could do is get horny enough to start sexting immediately. Right. Second horny is a second best is like a slightly less horny, you know, text reply. Then you hit it with an emoji. And the or at the very bottom of the hierarchy is a simple heart reaction.

[Carl Tart]

Simple. You gotta hit. I. I send back a gif. Not a gift. Well, you can send back the gif of the 1930s. Wolf. The wolf, yeah.

[Caller 1]

Wow.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The tongue out. Classic.

[Carl Tart]

I send pictures that I've seen on Twitter. There's. There's one picture that I like to send of, of Skip Bayless getting into an ice bath where he looks like he's busting a nut.

[Stavi]

You know, that's a really good one.

[Carl Tart]

I'll say that one. There's a picture of a guy who's doing a push up where both his, both his arms are to the side. Like I'm so hard, I could do a push up. You gotta send that.

[Stavi]

That's good stuff.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, I'll send those two. I mean, I will say this from, from this like after I've been in therapy and stuff. But as a emotionally unavailable guy in the past, I have to admit to it.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Carl Tart]

I definitely have gotten a text from somebody and I'm like, I ain't got to say nothing to you.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Carl Tart]

Hearing that you do that to your wife.

[Stavi]

Wife is way the mother of your

[Carl Tart]

children, even if you.

[Stavi]

But also, listen, wife text is also different than nude.

[Carl Tart]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Nude is like, you got it. You got it.

[Carl Tart]

Come on, man.

[Stavi]

Exactly. I'm thinking of the type of person I would, I would ignore a nude from. From. It's a woman who's ruined my life before.

[Carl Tart]

Yes.

[Stavi]

That's whose nudes you ignore. Because they know that's the most potent guarantee to get a reaction, you know, form of correspondence that exists.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So for a husband to get the most, the, the most guaranteed response message from his wife and he's basically treating you the way we would treat women we hate. Hate.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Yes.

[Stavi]

And that's fucking crazy to me because even somebody that I don't. I have no. Even if somebody sends me their titties and I have no intention of sucking those titties, I'll give him a heart react.

[Carl Tart]

Got to give him a heart react.

[Stavi]

I'll say nice. I'll give them something. This is, I think this. We don't want to be overdramatic here. Yeah. But this is actually a really bad sign, I think. Do you, Elders, you're the only one in a committed relationship here. If you were to send a cockpit hilariously or to receive some kind of.

[Carl Tart]

Of.

[Stavi]

It doesn't have to be a nude, but any kind of horny correspondence, there's no way in the world you would ignore that, would you?

[Eldis]

I couldn't imagine. I couldn't imagine like not responding at all. Waiting for her to ask for a response and then like. Yeah. Just being completely flipping about it when she expresses like, you know, remorse or

[Stavi]

sadness that I just basically ignored it. It's crazy.

[Eldis]

This is crazy, crazy, crazy behavior.

[Stavi]

So we're just letting you know, you don't, don't be gaslit. It is nuts to not give you at minimum a heart.

[Eldis]

Especially, Especially like just from her insecurity about breastfeeding.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

You know, they have a two year old. They're probably not the last couple years.

[Stavi]

It's a really hard time for women like our friends who have had kids when they're, when they're like 2 and younger. You're, as a mom, you feel bad, like you're so overworked with the baby and your body's taking a beating from having it.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So this is maybe arguably the worst time in your life. Life for your husband to be treating you like this.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That is a red flag, unfortunately.

[Carl Tart]

And that's straight up gaslighting too. To. To respond with lmao, as if y' all been dating for two months. Like, that is, That's a wild thing. And just like you said, don't be. Not to be dramatic, but I could hear the hurt in her voice.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Carl Tart]

And that's. Bro, you got to be better. And that's. I'm, I'm not trying to.

[Stavi]

We're not like, we're not these guys either, necessarily.

[Carl Tart]

I am not.

[Stavi]

I've been. We've probably between us, probably mistreated plenty of women.

[Carl Tart]

Yes.

[Stavi]

But this is a level even we can't go stand behind.

[Carl Tart]

You got to. You got to stop. You got to. You got to.

[Eldis]

Now let me play devil's advocate for one.

[Carl Tart]

Please.

[Stavi]

Please what? You know, that's why I'm going to you for the long. Because I could see long term being a little different. Maybe he's also overworked. But anyway, I won't take devil's advocate from you. Go ahead, Eldis.

[Eldis]

You know, have you guys barely been fucking? Has he been like making advances that, that, you know, you just, you just have been like rejecting because you're busy with a kid, life, work, whatever the. Has there been like. Is there like some kind of recent history of something like that where, you know, you're. You're throwing up, I'm horny flair.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Eldis]

And he's just like, oh, I've barked up this tree recently. You know, nothing's gonna come. Not, not that that, you know, you're

[Stavi]

going red pill sula right now.

[Eldis]

Not that that. Not that that alleviates it. Not that that alleviates it. Them. But is there something of that I'd be curious to know, like what the dynamics are the last couple years in

[Carl Tart]

terms of sex life.

[Eldis]

That's true. She did.

[Stavi]

And now. And also. I see what you're saying. I don't think that's the devil's advocate position, though. I think the devil. First of all, I would say lmao. If I were to get an LMAO back, it would should be like lmao. My bad. I saw them and I had to do something immediately. Like I was a great, you know, whatever. But I think the devil's advocate position is like, he's also overworked. He's also like. It was more of like a. Right now you guys have shifted into more of like a. Unfortunately, almost. Although. Even though she said they have a good sex life, when it's the kid, when it's a baby, you're almost like a team that's kind of trying to survive day to day. I don't know. But even that I'm trying to find this argument, it's half hearted. I can't find it. Because your argument is you're explaining the behavior, but what you're saying is he's being passive aggressive because he didn't get something he wanted, which is not a good sign.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

If they're living in a. If their sex life has taken a hit or maybe I think the argument is maybe she perceives their sex life to be healthy, but he's not as happy with it. But what you do is not ignore her sexual advances. If that's how you feel, feel, you let her know. And if you're trying to get. To get it going, you can't react that way when she gets sexual. Yeah. In fact, that's the opposite thing, because now we see, we hear it, she's more insecure, she's gonna put out less. It's just. It is a red flag because this is exactly what you would do to, like, kind of punish your wife. Unfortunately. Unfortunately, this is the behavior of someone who is resentful and is hurting her in a way that is acceptable. Right. He couldn't, like, you know, stop doing his half of the chores or whatever. Or, like, stop. But he can be like, oh, come on, you're being ridiculous. In. Within their private sex life, where no one. Where no one else is really a party to. That's where you can do a lot of gaslighting when you're being. When you're being resentful. That's why I think it's a red flag.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, that was nuts.

[Eldis]

Yeah. I mean, ultimately, I agree. You know, I try. You know, me and my wife are playful, but I try to make my relationship the one relationship in my life for sure, where I won't let, like, irony creep in. And then I'll just, like, stop, you know?

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Eldis]

If Stop sent me a text that's like, oh, dude, I'm so proud of this thing. I'd be like, wow, you're a. Or something.

[Stavi]

Hey, man, really proud of the work you put in this tour. We've been doing so great. It's nothing but the top. If we keep do Trying our hardest. I love you so much, man. I can't fathom texting you that.

[Carl Tart]

But.

[Stavi]

But you. That's. That's the way you want to talk.

[Eldis]

Lmao, you're a gay.

[Stavi]

Comes in.

[Eldis]

But your wife. When your wife is sending you her titties, you do not send the lmao.

[Stavi]

Exactly. If I sent you my dick, you would respond, lmao, you're being weird for wanting a response that's actually. He's responding like his boys send him their nuts. Big, big problem.

[Carl Tart]

What you want me to say about these?

[Stavi]

And that's a huge, huge issue. Oh, man. So, yeah, sorry. I think, unfortunately it is as bad as you think it is. But, you know, we're bring it up in terms of advice. You know, you could say like, hey, you know, it did hurt my feelings. And if he, if he's like, I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was this serious and apologize. Good. And if he's like, you're being really ridiculous. And if he just doubles and triples down, that's a really bad sign.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah, that's a vulnerable thing. Those could get leaked. Like, those could like she, she could accidentally text that to somebody at work.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

You know, I mean like that's, that's like a crazy thing for you to just be flipping about. Even if, even if you've seen them every day for nine years.

[Stavi]

Of course. Yeah, I don't like that. I don't like his behavior. You got time for one more, my friend?

[Carl Tart]

Hell yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Hit us with something to go out on. Little else, You know, I'm a busy man. I'm an on the go fella. I'm busy. Time is money, I often say. And I hate waiting around when I want something to get done. You know, sometimes I've hired contractors, come in and do a job and not only do I have to wait around, but the premium priced pro sometimes causes more of a problem. Problem. I've had a bad TV mounting job. I've had bad H vac stuff done. That's why I love Pesty. Other pest control companies charge hundreds of dollars, but with Pesti, you can get started at just $35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your location, bugs and climate. With the DIY kit, there are no strangers in your house or appointments to make time for Pesty gets rid of over 100 types of bugs, from spiders and ants to roaches and scorpions. Their DIY kit includes a sprayer, mixing bag, pesticide gloves, and instructions you could complete in less than 10 minutes. I'm a Pesty guy. When I first moved into an old apartment, I was very lucky that I just found out about Pesty and I used it to get rid of, let's just say some. The conditions I found the apartment in were not acceptable immediately. With Pesti, I was able to handle it myself. It was a. It was a water bug situation. I'm familiar with them growing up on the east coast, growing up in Baltimore, some might call them roaches. Either way, Pesty got them out of there quick. Easy as pie. What are you waiting for? Fix your bug problem before it gets worse. Go to pesti.comstavvi for an extra 10% off your order today. That's P-E-S-T-I-E.comstavi for an extra 10% off support is available 24. 7 with Verbo Care. We're here day or night.

[Caller 1]

Night.

[Stavi]

Ready whenever you need help. Because a great trip starts with the right support.

[Caller 1]

Hey, stuff. Huge fan psychedelics at the Radio City hall coming up this weekend. I got a question for you. I'll just cut right to it. I own a whale skull and it's not endangered, but it's a. It's protected. And I think it's pretty thick. It's like a. You know, it's a big. It's about four feet or so and it's about 50 pounds. And it really ties the room together.

[Stavi]

You have it in a room and four feet.

[Caller 1]

I've had girls, you know, like, come over and, you know, see it and summer really, really into it and think it's pretty thick. I'll have like lights on it and shoot. Some girls aren't really that into it or just don't give a about it. I just wanted to ask you, you know, maybe get a second opinion on it if, you know, do you think this is like a red flag for, you know, for potential, you know, people who are romantically interested or not? Is it weird? I'm just. I think. I feel like. Because I've had some pushback, actually. It's my mom who I told, you know, I still have it. It might set up. She. She thinks it. It scares. She think it's going to scare the ladies away, scare the hoes and scare the hose. I just think it gets a bad rap because, you know, rfk, like, found a whale skull and. Or and kept it and traumatized his kid. So I don't know. Just wanted to get a second opinion. You rock.

[Stavi]

Supporting your argument.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. RFK did this

[Stavi]

and traumatizes kids with Cheryl Hines.

[Carl Tart]

Cheryl is fine.

[Stavi]

Cheryl's a piece of ass. That is one of the funniest couples of all time. Whale skull. I will say having like fossils or like. Or a sculpture or some shit that you see in a museum in your house is kind of interesting. It is like, you know, whenever or when you see somebody who has like a real painting, you know what I mean? Like, not just a poster, like a real. I'm trying to buy a little art. Like, the only thing I'm kind of interested in in terms of Rich guy is art.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, I do think in general, like, decorating in a way that's different than like a Boondock Saints, a Pulp Fiction poster and like, you know, whatever the, like a fat head of your favorite.

[Carl Tart]

My LeBron fat. Watching me. Watching me from the wall in front of my bed. Bed every. And if a girl come over and she don't like it, you can go to hell. King James is going to watch me lay it down. I literally always wanted a fat head. And then I became. Well, I was telling you about my apartment, and I became adult, got my own place. It is a cacophony of nonsense. Very immature young man.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Carl Tart]

But the fat head is the one thing that. That I didn't do because I was like, this is crazy. You can't do the fat head.

[Stavi]

Although I was thinking, like, that wall right there between those light switches.

[Carl Tart]

Come on, man.

[Stavi]

I was like, that would be perfect for a fat head.

[Carl Tart]

Come on, Lamar Jackson running Lamar right there.

[Stavi]

Like, I bought all this expensive, nice furniture, but still in me, I'm like, put the Lamar fat.

[Carl Tart]

That's when you got to get a. Like, I have a. I have a step. A Steph signed picture.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

And I'm like, that's going up.

[Stavi]

That's cool.

[Carl Tart]

Because he signed it, and I got a. I got a Blake Griffin jersey.

[Stavi]

That's awesome.

[Carl Tart]

Like, that he signed as well. And it's framed. So I'm, like, cool with, like, that. I think the. This go ahead thing is. Is interesting. And if you are. If you. If that's what you into. If you like that. If you could explain everything about.

[Stavi]

That's a good point.

[Carl Tart]

You could keep that joker.

[Stavi]

That's actually a great point. What does it signify to you? Yeah, because having. That's a little weird, but that matters to you. And that you like that you're the. That makes you. Like the way I'm decorating my shit now. It's like, you know what? I'm just doing shit that I love that has a story behind it that's like. So I bought this weird little thing at an antique store on tour that's always gonna remind me of that stop on the tour. I have a fun story to tell, you know, an art. A movie or an artist that was really important to me and my mom or some shit like that. But the sense I'm getting from him is that he's just like, it's sick. It's a bone. He didn't really. He wasn't like, I'm studying whales. Yeah, we got it in an ethical way. And I like to point out, though, you know how the different shape of their Whatever the fuck. To me, it was just like, I have a skull in my fucking apartment. I put lights on it. It's awesome.

[Carl Tart]

And Inuit boiled the meat off, we ate the meat, and then I kept the skull with me. Yeah, right.

[Stavi]

If it was. If you were like at an Inuit fucking coming of age ceremony and you had a traditional fucking Wayne Braille. Wayne brain stew. Whale brain stew. Yeah, that's different. That would be my main thing. How did you come.

[Carl Tart]

It.

[Stavi]

It seems like it's a family heirloom. His mom. His mom knows about it. Did he give us any background here?

[Carl Tart]

His mom says it's scaring the hoes too.

[Eldis]

He didn't really say exactly how he got it. He just said, yeah, he says his mom is aware of it, but she did say it'll scare the hose.

[Stavi]

Now, look, I. I think ultimately, yeah, it comes down to, I mean, how he said four feet. Feet.

[Eldis]

Four feet, 50 pounds.

[Stavi]

That's huge.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

How big is your place?

[Carl Tart]

I know, like, if you got enough room for a four foot in this

[Stavi]

apartment, I wouldn't put a four foot, 50 pound piece of sculptural.

[Carl Tart]

You know, it definitely is a conversation starter. You look at it all right now. So what's the deal with that?

[Stavi]

Yeah, I guess. I guess my question is yes, definitely a conversation started. But does it make sense in your apartment?

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Is it in the middle of everything? Like. Like if you have a big enough place where it makes sense and you're passionate about it. Okay. But if you're like. If it's the only thing, like hanging behind your couch, if it's the only thing on your wall. My hunch is probably not. But look at the other day. If you like it, fine. But what are your reasons for liking it? Like, for example, to me, it's a little. It's. It's close to having a fucking deer head on your wall.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And I don't think that I would want that other than if I was kind of doing a. A kitschy.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

If I was trying to make a room look like a shitty bar. On purpose. Exactly. If it was the kind of irony eldest is trying to avoid with his wife. But it doesn't sound like this guy's doing ironic. No decor. So I personally probably wouldn't do it, but ultimately, you know, I. I would probably tell you not to do it, but if you really want to, I don't give a.

[Carl Tart]

Not in my apartment.

[Stavi]

I would never.

[Carl Tart]

Once I get a house, I'm like, ah, my pee foul.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

But like, not. Not.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Let me take you to the. The Hazerine.

[Carl Tart]

It's gonna be some knives out in here.

[Stavi]

We should get A Lamar fat head for the office. Eldis.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

We have a lot of wall real estate to cover at the office, but. All right, that. I think that's our advice. Whatever you. You dude. But imagine. Here's what I would tell you. If that cost me getting even once

[Carl Tart]

gone, it's got to go.

[Stavi]

If it fucks you up even one time, it's gone. Yeah.

[Eldis]

Now, I think it. I think it's more like. It comes down to, like. I think it's okay if it keeps you from getting pussy once or twice. You will. You will find. I think when you're single, it's good to, like, be invested in how your room is laid out.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Eldis]

You know, you're thinking about your interior, even if it's like something as stupid as this, but it's still better than, like, you know, empty Bacardi bottles above the cabinet.

[Stavi]

It's a great kitchen. That's actually a great point. Maybe you're just. Maybe this was okay from, you know, 20, 24 to 26, and. But now at 27, 28, third to 30, it's time to let go. Because I do feel like heads in general, like antlers and, And. And skulls kind of were cool decor. Like, you know, it's kind of like. It kind of goes hand in hand with, like, the Edison bulb movement.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, skulls and like, exposed brush, brick and all that kind of goes together. So I think you're just. Maybe it's. It has served you well for a few years, but it's time to grow up. That might just be it. You're right.

[Eldis]

And the bottom line is I don't think it'll like a girl that likes you. I don't think it's gonna make her not want to you. True. But if it gets serious, you guys are moving in. She's looking at that thing. That's the first thing that's got to go on the curb, you know, 100.

[Stavi]

So that's actually a good point.

[Carl Tart]

Sell it now while it might have some worth.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right, right, right. Absolutely. Sell it now, dude. Get a smaller score. Yeah. Think about the next thing you want to be into, decor wise, because that's a good. That's actually a good lesson for life. You nailed it with that. That served you well for a second. You gotta keep moving, brother. You can't do it well once. You can't decorate once when you're 25 and be like, well, this is it forever. You gotta keep growing and changing or else you become like, you know, like just old guys. That are still like, dressing like the, you know, like the 90s right now or whatever. Although I guess now it's kind of bad back if you just kind of like. I feel like Timothy Chalamet will come out in a Nietzsche. You know what I mean? So it's like, you know, maybe, you know, I don't know what the. I don't know what the. What the moral is.

[Eldis]

Actually, I'm waiting for echo to come back.

[Stavi]

I feel like they're overdue, but it feels like it should have already happened. Yeah, I feel like that. Really like the. The. The rhino. I actually have a sick purple echo bomber jacket in Astoria that.

[Carl Tart]

You still got it?

[Stavi]

I still have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

We never needed those in la.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jacket. That's true. Not big jacket.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Jacket culture. Yeah. You. You're pretty. You're pretty much in warm places your whole life.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Is spending any time in the cold pissing you off?

[Carl Tart]

I hate it.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it's the worst.

[Carl Tart]

It's the worst. I was in Vegas a couple weeks ago and it was like 102 degrees and I had left here where it was like 25 degrees. Got sick. Absolutely. And then. But I got there and I was like, you know, after experiencing both of those extremes, dreams like that Vegas is uncomfortable. I can't do the cold.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Now only thing that makes the hot terrible is when you don't have AC in your bedrooms. I can't sleep.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. There's no way I can see. And that's what. That's what does kill me about Europe as a fat American.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I love everything about it except, bro. Sometimes you go to a hotel room and they'll be like. And sometimes you'll search AC and they have some.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Some European. It's a fan. It's like a fan with like an ice cube that a fucking. You know that the door guy comes and puts up every four hours. They refresh your ice cube in front of the fan. But, yeah, whatever the fuck your question was. Fuck your whale head. Fuck you. The whalehead sucks, actually. All right, that's gonna do it for us. Carl. What do. We're getting the people and we should say. Carl's one of the funniest fucking guys.

[Carl Tart]

Thank you.

[Stavi]

Such a. I mean, an incredible improviser. Or. I was kind of out of the. Like the. Because we're the same age. And it was like there was a. I think right before you were like a comedy bang bang mainstay. I was like, really in there. But there was A period where I was like, I gotta stop listening to other comedy pods. Yeah. And so I missed kind of your tenure, but every time I would see clips you were on. So fucking hilarious. Thank you. The Chief Shit. You. As a. As a child of. As someone who was dropped off to play Carmen Sandiego on the library computer while my mom did Aaron, you're like, if you're. If you're a Carmen San Diego head at all, look up Carl's chief character on Comedy Bang Bang. And if you're ever seeing a bailiff, odds are it's Carl Tar.

[Carl Tart]

My name will either be Carl, Gary, or Craig, but.

[Stavi]

Yeah, let's plug some stuff.

[Carl Tart]

I'm on Instagram.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

Damn it, Carl. D A M M I T C A R L. You got to listen to. I got a basketball podcast with my boys, Hayes Davenport and Sean Car Clements, called the Flagrant Ones. It's on Patreon. If you go to patreon.com hollywood handbook. They got a show over there called Hollywood Handbook. Check that out. Same with that network. I. I got a Sopranos watch podcast with my boy Lamar called xoxo. Yeah, it's called. It's called that because we had a. We watched Gossip Girl. We called it XOXO Gossip Kings. It's like two black dudes in their mid-30s watching Gossip Girl. Our favorite show. Our favorite character on the show was the dad, and we were like, man, this dude. They disrespected this dude.

[Stavi]

I got it. That's. That sounds like a hilarious show. It also sounds like the perfect show for white improv fans. Oh, they love for them to be like, I have black friends, and they're covering a show I like.

[Carl Tart]

And then we moved over to Sopranos. Much darker than Gossip Girl, so definitely harder to mine jokes out of some of the scenes. Because we went from being like, blair and Chuck are having a fight to, so Ralphie killed that stripper.

[Stavi]

That's. I mean, but to be fair, that is like, the most evil episode of the show.

[Carl Tart]

That was where it was like.

[Stavi]

It was almost like they had to be like. And just so you guys remember, these are monsters.

[Carl Tart]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, they kind of every, like, it. It lasted for six seasons. Every, like, every, like, se. Let me. Like, two and a half seasons. Every two seasons, they would just remind you, like, yeah, these are the worst guys of all time.

[Carl Tart]

And it's crazy, man. It's so hard to mind comment, but we still do. We have. We have a good time.

[Stavi]

I love it.

[Carl Tart]

Come on over to patreon.com hollywood handbook. I'm around. I'm. I'm doing live shows in, in Boston, Philly and D.C. in June. Nice. Kira O' Sullivan and friends and her friends from work. We all SNL writers and a couple SNL cast members.

[Stavi]

Nice.

[Carl Tart]

And then one more out in, in Pittsburgh. I'll be with my team, the big team and then we'll be back in New York for the DCM festival.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Carl Tart]

So all that stuff will be on Instagram and Yeah, just, just.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Check out Carl. So funny.

[Carl Tart]

Thank you for having me.

[Stavi]

Absolutely, dude. Anytime. Anytime. For sure. And and we, we are probably. We've announced this by, by the time this episode comes out. We have added the west coast swing as everybody knows. I broke my arm like a clumsy piece of. And it postponed the special recording special is going to be the July 18th and 19th in Baltimore. We're still doing it in Baltimore. We're still seeing thousand. The frick was that? What are you playing? It's your computer. Something's coming through the speaker. What are you playing through the speakers? What video are you watching? It's like jerk your pathetic penis. Jerk your pathetic penis. You tall piece of.

[Carl Tart]

Has an elevator falling on you.

[Stavi]

Pull that that you dropped the box you were holding. You pathetic small cocked loser.

[Eldis]

I don't know what the that was.

[Stavi]

Anyway. Well, hopefully we don't figure it out ever. But yes, the special. A lot of people are asking for refunds and I understand that. But listen, the rest of you that can make it if you couldn't have made it in In April, now July 18th and 19th, please come out. But we've added a west coast swing again. So one last time. We're to going to hit a lot of the markets. We started the tour with two, two and a half years ago now. So Seattle, Portland, Louisiana. We're coming to Reno for the first time. I'm excited for that. We're doing the Bay Area. We're doing San Jose this time. We've never done San Jose. We always do either Oakland or San Francisco, so that'll be fun. Phoenix. And then we've added July 3rd, July 4th weekend. Atlantic City Casino, baby. That's going to be awesome. And then we're ending right before the special. We're gonna do Long island and we're gonna do somewhere in Jersey close so we don't have to drive too far. So anyway, that's gonna do it for us. Folks please buy a ticket. Please come out to the special. Go watch Carl shit. And we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye. Discover Top Rated Stays Loved by guests Rated highest by real guests through authentic reviews Verbo Book a vacation rental Loved by guests Hi besties, It's Tinks. If you need a little inspo, a little tough love, or just someone to tell you that everything is going to be okay, come hang out with me on my podcast. It's me, Tanks. We talk dating, confidence, friendships, healing, leveling up, and all the things we're working on together. I share my frameworks, your questions, questions, and yes, plenty of chaotic stories. New episodes drop every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So whether you're on your hot girl walk, commuting, or hiding from your ex on Instagram, I've got you. Listen to It's Me, Tanks. Wherever you get your podcasts.