#184 - Sam Morril and Dave Attell

Summary

Podcast Summary: Stavvy's World #184

Guests: Sam Morril & Dave Attell
Date: June 8, 2026

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Overview

This spirited episode kicks off with Stavros Halkias christening his new podcast studio with comedy titans Sam Morril and the legendary Dave Attell. The trio delivers their usual blend of quick wit, raunchy banter, and genuine comedic insight while answering listener voicemails, riffing on everything from social media psychosis and OnlyFans phenomenon, to strip club economics and observations about modern relationships, addiction, and family drama. Longtime fans will revel in the show's signature mix of earnest advice, lampooning, and inside-baseball comedy talk.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

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1. Studio Upgrade, New Vibes (00:57–04:10)

• The new Chelsea studio inspires roasts about interior design and future plans, like running a “sultan's harem” or Greek strip club.
• Dave jokes about being rejected by Big Brothers, Big Sisters:
  “I auditioned and they said no...I would’ve done it.” [04:23, Dave Attell]

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2. Arcade Nostalgia & Modern Socializing (06:10–07:41)

• Remembering the social aspect of arcades.
  • Prize redemption memories:
    “You spend $4,000, you win a beanie baby… the saddest is when you cash the tickets and you’re down to candy.” [06:54, Dave Attell]
• Sam:
  “No, I dated women.” [06:22, Sam Morril] (on arcade gaming as a kid)

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3. Social Media & Sexual Psychosis (09:00–10:28)

• Effects of TikTok on sexual expectations and mental health.
  • Stavros:
    “There are women so hot on TikTok now it’s probably causing psychosis in people.” [09:41, Stavros]
  • Dave shares stories of viral fame through simple acts, like “swung my tits once.”

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4. OnlyFans, Nostalgia, and Monetizing Sexuality (10:54–14:24)

• Discussion about “nostalgia OnlyFans” (e.g., Shannon Elizabeth, Jamie Pressly).
  • “That’s their ‘Fuller House’—now the nostalgia OnlyFans have started…” [11:17, Stavros]
• Dave: “They’re making more money than they did in the movies.” [11:16]
• Conversation about platforms’ cut: OnlyFans takes 20% vs. Patreon.
• Attell’s connoisseur take:
  “I love the retro stuff...they’ve gone back into it...It’s like Indiana Jones—one last crusade!” [13:43, Dave Attell]

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5. Evolution of Pornography, Social Media, and Sexual Trends (15:24–16:25)

• The cyclical return of the "bush" trend in porn, based on Stav’s recent deep-dive online.
• Attell:
  “Bushes seem like everyone lasered their way out of this.” [15:24, Dave Attell]
• Discussion of how public, overtly graphic content now appears on Twitter unfiltered.

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6. Sexual Habits and Injuries (16:33–18:18)

• Hilarious accounts of how injuries (Stav’s broken arm & back) influence masturbation logistics:
  • “First two weeks, I had to set my phone on a surface and jack off standing at my kitchen counter.” [17:07, Stavros]

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7. Movies: Marty Supreme, Whiplash, and the Tortured Artist (18:36–20:23)

• Relating to “Marty Supreme”—the self-destructive devotion seen in niche pursuits and comedy.
  • “Every comedian, I'm like, Oh yeah, I remember mistreating a woman ‘cause I thought my gift for d**k jokes was more important.” [19:41, Stavros]
• Attell connects with the “Whiplash” archetype:
  “I remember in Whiplash, that scene when he’s like, I can’t be in a relationship, I'm a drummer.” [19:51, Dave Attell]

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8. New York Trends: Waiting in Lines, Luxury Goods, and Economic Collapse (20:23–21:36)

• Riffing on New Yorkers’ willingness to line up for Swatch watches, bagels, but never voting.
  • “They’ll wait online for anything—except voting!” [20:33, Sam Morril]
• Critique of luxury brands collaborating with mainstream ones an “economic collapse.”

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9. Strippers, Strip Clubs, "Real Life" vs. Digital Eroticism (23:22–24:39)

• The future of strip clubs in an OnlyFans/AI world; how it impacts live performers.
  • “We can spin it as an act of defiance against the computers… I’m looking at these tits IRL.” [25:05, Stavros]
• Ideas for comedic strip club ventures: Greek restaurant/strip club hybrid, “The Parthenon.”

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10. Regional Strip Club Cultures & the American Road (26:34–28:39)

• Comparing Portland (quirky, armpit hair) and Tampa (huge fake tits) club flavors.
• Dave:
  “Tampa’s awesome, dude. You can’t offend people from Tampa.” [27:01, Dave Attell]

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11. Classic vs. Modern New York, Jewish & Greek, and Family Histories (29:13–36:06)

• Attell and Morril discuss the complex dynamics in NYC, regional preferences, and ethnic pride.
• Stavros shares immigrant family tales—from WWII Greece and Bulgaria to NYC upbringing.

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12. Movie Recommendations & Cinema Nostalgia (38:38–47:41)

• Deep dives into “Godfather,” “Deer Hunter,” “Year of the Dragon,” “Popo Greenwich Village,” and more.
• Classic quote:
  “I had a 25-year-old girl over and the Godfather DVD out, and she goes, ‘I’ve never seen this.’ Is this grooming or no?” [39:30, Dave Attell]
• Sam tells childhood tales of seeing “Jaws” and “Apocalypse Now” in theaters.

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Advice Segment Highlights (54:40–95:17)

Listeners’ questions feature classic Stavi’s World absurdity, sincere advice, and comic detours:

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1. Roommates vs. OnlyFans Careers (55:32–64:27)

Problem: Two trans women in their 30s film content for OnlyFans, annoying their roommates.
Advice: If you pay most of the rent, you have more rights—be courteous, but maybe move in together or rent a hotel for marathon filming sessions.
“You’re just in the honeymoon phase of being a woman now… loving nonstop… this isn’t a real problem.” [62:07, Stavros]

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2. The Drunk Dream Girl Dilemma (64:40–72:04)

Problem: Caller’s “dream girl” turns out to be a severe alcoholic after bingeing 13 bottles in four days.
Advice:

• Addiction is a disease; dating someone in early sobriety is fraught.
• Give her a chance but start over slowly, with clear boundaries.
• “You could just meet for a coffee, see her shit’s good… if you really had a good thing.” [70:40, Stavros]
• “They have it in ‘em to be a good time, but now they know the amount that’ll kill them—they’re just chill.” [70:33, Dave Attell]

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3. Sean Loves Sean (74:14–78:31)

Problem: Dating a woman named Sean, with awkward sex moans.
Advice: Lean into it; who cares if you’re shouting your own name?

• “Way worse if you’re screaming your mom’s name.” [78:58, Dave Attell]
• “This one’s a prom at a one-room schoolhouse.” [78:07, Sam Morril]

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4. Nephew Racks Up $800 on a Phone (80:24–88:51)

Problem: Brother’s young son spends $800 on in-app purchases during babysitting.
Advice:

• The brother must pay; it’s his parental responsibility.
• Employ family shame if needed.
• “Money will f** up relationships, ‘cause it feels like a respect thing.”* [89:41, Dave Attell]
• Comic riffing:
  “Take the boy’s kidney, my solution…” [88:00, Sam Morril]

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5. “Am I Actually Good at Sucking Dick?” (91:10–95:05)

Problem: Gender-fluid caller wonders if compliments are sincere.
Advice: If you’re hearing it often, you’re probably great at it.

• “If you’re good, I say you’re really good. If you’re bad, I’m like, please stop.” [92:46, Dave Attell]
• “How low is your self-esteem? Believe in yourself!” [95:17, Sam Morril]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On the evolution of sexual culture:
  “There are women so hot on TikTok now, it’s probably causing psychosis in people.” [09:41, Stavros]

• On the Godfather and culture:
  “Is this grooming or no?” [39:30, Dave Attell] (on showing a young woman The Godfather DVD)

• On Strip Club Innovation:
  “Oh my god, a strip club with good food—the way Atlanta has the wings. Magic City.” [25:38, Sam Morril]

• On roommate boundaries for OnlyFans content:
  “Once I heard she pays two thirds of the rent, yeah, get the in as much as you want.” [60:18, Stavros]

• On family dynamics & money:
  “Money’s… it will up relationships. It feels like a respect thing.” [89:41, Dave Attell]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:57–04:10: Studio and location roasts
• 06:10–07:41: Arcade memories
• 09:00–10:28: TikTok and sexual expectations
• 10:54–14:24: OnlyFans nostalgia and porn star economy
• 16:33–18:18: Masturbation injuries & logistics
• 18:36–20:23: “Marty Supreme,” “Whiplash,” and the lone artist
• 23:22–25:05: Strip clubs versus OnlyFans and the IRL difference
• 38:38–47:41: Classic movies and grooming with The Godfather DVD
• 55:32–64:27: OnlyFans vs. roommates call
• 64:40–72:04: Drunk dream girl dilemma call
• 74:14–78:31: The Sean/Sean dilemma call
• 80:24–88:51: Nephew’s $800 in-app spending
• 91:10–95:05: “Am I really good at sucking dick?” call

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Final Thoughts

The episode showcases Stavvy’s World at its best: comedic riffing, raunchy good humor, and surprisingly thoughtful advice—bouncing from the absurdity of daily life to earnest reflections on relationships, sex, money, and getting by. Dave Attell’s legendary one-liners blend seamlessly with Sam Morril and Stavros’ modern observations, ensuring laughs and unexpected wisdom throughout. The calls are a perfect cross-section of real-life dilemmas, universal awkwardness, and bragging-as-problem stories, answered with the classic Stavi’s World combination of honesty and hilarity.

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Listen to this episode for:

• Wildly funny banter
• Relatable advice from comedy giants
• Movie nostalgia rabbit holes
• Unfiltered takes on love, sex, and family spats

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For more classic pod moments or to submit your own questions, call 904-800-STAV.

Transcript

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey, I just Venmo'd you for rent. Nice. Now I can instantly spend it whether I'm checking out online with Venmo or

[Sam Morril]

using a Venmo debit card.

[Caller]

Say more.

[Sam Morril]

More. Exactly. Because the more you do with Venmo,

[Stavros Halkias]

the more you get. Like earning up to 5% cash.

[Sam Morril]

Back with Venmo Stash on a bundle of brands.

[Stavros Halkias]

So order more pizza. The math demands it. Get the Venmo debit card. Venmo stash bundle terms and exclusions apply. See terms at Venmo Me Stashterm.

[Sam Morril]

Venmo checkout not available at all merchants.

[Stavros Halkias]

Venmo MasterCard is issued by the Bancorp Bank. NA Life with Kids is non stop. Snacks on the counter, fingerprints everywhere, toys you swear you just cleaned. That's why Lysol is a go to proven disinfection that kills 99.9% of viruses and bacteria on surfaces. And now a clean that smells great like lavender. Lysol disinfectant wipes handle everyday surfaces. The all purpose cleaner tackles kitchens and bathrooms. And the power toilet bowl cleaner disinfects the brush and bowl for two in one disinfection. Because when you're juggling everything, cleaning has to keep up. Don't just clean Lysol. Cle Opa. Welcome, everybody, to Stavis World. 904-800. Stop calling. Will solve all your problems. Big day for us here at Stavi Baby hq. We've got a new studio, folks. You're looking at it. That's right. And we have Sam Rollin and a special guest. That's right. Play his music. I wish we had WWE entrance music. David, tell everybod.

[Sam Morril]

Thanks for having me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thanks for being here. Dave. Yeah, sit down. Yeah, we just got. We're in Chelsea like we said. Eldis wanted to be near the men's spas. He wanted to be able to blow off some steam just with the fellas.

[Sam Morril]

Sounds good.

[Dave Attell]

You and Robert Kraft, buddy, get in there. I'm just excited to wear Chelsea boots again. My closet's going to be full of them pretty soon.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love the idea that you're going to start dressing with Chelsea boots and turtlenecks. Maybe like those fucking Quaker oats hats, like cool black guys wear. You're really going to try that, aren't you?

[Dave Attell]

Walk here instead of go to Astoria. This was fucking amazing.

[Sam Morril]

It's a win all the way around.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right.

[Sam Morril]

And what I love is this kind of liquidation sale going on in here. Fantastic. Everything must go.

[Stavros Halkias]

We literally went to a crate and no. Where were we? A West Elm outlet and got the cheapest rocks we could find.

[Sam Morril]

Dave, this looks more East Elm if you ask me. As in Brooklyn.

[Stavros Halkias]

This looks like the. The shittiest sultan's harem carpet. This is.

[Sam Morril]

This is where.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is where he has his sex slaves from around the Middle east come through.

[Sam Morril]

Erotic.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would love to be a sultan that. I feel like I have the body type for it. I think if you give me a turban, big, big ruby up top.

[Sam Morril]

I see you more as like a lazy warlord. You know, we don't. We don't have to do that today.

[Dave Attell]

You've got son of warlord vibes.

[Stavros Halkias]

A Nepo warlord.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

I like.

[Sam Morril]

You didn't earn it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, my look, I. I can like my dad.

[Sam Morril]

I'm just busy, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, we can line up our religious minorities and put them in camps.

[Caller]

I'm.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just want to, you know, smoke a hashish and get. And get two big titted Iranian women to rub my belly and feed me. That's a good life, dude, not a bad life. I think it was bad for everybody they had control over.

[Dave Attell]

Sure. You know, I think the warlord is.

[Stavros Halkias]

But the warlord's not bad. And you know the Afghani warlords, they were up to some. Some Epstein style activities.

[Sam Morril]

But. Yeah, but tell me about it.

[Dave Attell]

Not as nice resort destination afterwards. I don't think that island, someone's gonna buy it for big money.

[Stavros Halkias]

That is true. That is.

[Sam Morril]

But what I think is the best is how you repurpose all this dentist equipment. What am I get. Am I getting an X ray here? Do you have a. A molar that needs.

[Stavros Halkias]

I just don't want you to have to hold the mic up, Dave. You don't want that brain.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, no one could see it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right.

[Sam Morril]

It's fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And the backdrop, that's fantastic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you. Thank you. We're gonna paint a real mural, but for now we've got.

[Sam Morril]

No, let the kids do it. They always pick a fun.

[Dave Attell]

Be a big brother and just bring the kids in here.

[Sam Morril]

Get out that anger up on that wall.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Due to that wall. What you want to do to the police.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a smart loophole, Sam.

[Dave Attell]

I like it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Get some ch. Some ch.

[Dave Attell]

I tried to back in the day. I got turned down.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got turned. Is that real? I know you had that joke.

[Dave Attell]

I had a joke. I really got turned down.

[Stavros Halkias]

You wanted to be a big brother. And they're like, we're good.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah. I auditioned and they said no. There were A lot of people trying to get in. A lot of. You're scoring points, you feel like a good person, you go there. But, yeah, what I. I would have done it.

[Sam Morril]

Well, let's say you were a big brother, okay? Instead of, you know, as myself, a curious uncle, I. I was wondering if you. Where would you take your. Your. Your little brother? What would you do with the curious

[Stavros Halkias]

uncle program, by the way? Getting shut down fast. Big brothers, little brothers, curious uncles.

[Sam Morril]

What are we doing in there? Need some company?

[Stavros Halkias]

Curious uncles, terrified nephews.

[Dave Attell]

I take them all over. I take my place when it needs a good vacuum.

[Sam Morril]

You help. I get it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, we'll do. We'll train Jiu Jitsu. I'd use him as a pa. Jiu Jitsu academy. Completely uncredited.

[Dave Attell]

Only a lot of touching.

[Sam Morril]

Only rolling, just rolling. A lot of floor work.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's start on the mat, boys. Today we're starting on the mat, fellas.

[Dave Attell]

That's not what it looks like. I was teaching him a rear naked choke.

[Sam Morril]

Nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Take off those pesky geese. They're only getting in the way.

[Sam Morril]

What a good time. But I really can't take my eye off of that union electrical grid plug that you have on the wall there. Way to.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Wait, this is a squatting situation. Is that what it is?

[Stavros Halkias]

We have a long extension cord coming from a hospital. Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

This is wild.

[Stavros Halkias]

We took a guy off life support two weeks ago. Nobody's noticed, so we're lucky.

[Dave Attell]

This is crazy, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I'm pretty excited, and I will. I want to turn it into basically his apartment in big. You know, I want to get like a. An arcade game.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that would be cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, get, you know, maybe Time crisis. The classics.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Guns. The Terminator 1.

[Dave Attell]

Papa Shot, Mario Kart.

[Stavros Halkias]

Papa Shot. A Mario Kart. Were you ever in arcade? Were you ever. You guys are playing arcades?

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

No, I dated women. Yeah. No, I was just at Foxwood and they have that huge arcade down there, and my opener was like, oh, do you want to come to the arcade? I'm like, I'm not. But yeah, the arcade games, like, you know, there's some serious prizes now. So when we were kid, it was really just bragging rights. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You ever up. What was. What were the arcade. I feel like arcades were a social place back in the day.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you ever go. Do you ever get in there? Do you ever. You ever win the. Anything from playing, like, you know, dig dug or whatever?

[Dave Attell]

$4,000. You win a stuffed beanie baby. Yeah, it never worked out. Financially, but you know, they'd have like. The saddest part is when you're cashing the tickets and you're down to like, candy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, the vampire teeth. You're like, damn it. All you can get is these shitty vampire teeth in a yo yo. That works twice.

[Dave Attell]

And one big sour patch kid.

[Stavros Halkias]

A pre sucked on sour patch kid. You get a lot of bang for your buck.

[Dave Attell]

No, I mean, yeah, I love the. All the time crisis and God, what was it? Halo?

[Sam Morril]

That was.

[Dave Attell]

That's a pretty cool one.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Hell yeah. Dude, there's a.

[Sam Morril]

You guys wouldn't play. You wouldn't play like the real arcade games.

[Dave Attell]

You would just play like Snowball or something.

[Sam Morril]

What do you do? Yeah, you know, like whatever. All those hitting and whack a moing and all that kind of stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Classic. You know what? That would be fun. I just run a carnival in here.

[Sam Morril]

Well, I have a game I'm working on. I'd love for you guys to. I want to feel it out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's get it.

[Sam Morril]

Sam was there 10, 15 years ago when I first started it.

[Dave Attell]

I was on the ground floor.

[Sam Morril]

He really was.

[Dave Attell]

Back when Gilbert Godfrey was doing the Voice.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, my God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Slowly, everyone a part of it is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Something changed. You get him. Do it. You think he'll do it?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, No, I have to do it. I mean, it's like at that point now it's either like, you know, pull the trigger already. Here's another idea for the room here since is you see these, like placards over here? You can put all of your albums and whatnot up there. Like, you know, like YouTube sensation views.

[Stavros Halkias]

All my credits just screenshots of tik toks that went viral. Other people used to put hit them shaking hands with Johnny Carson. I'm like, Drew retweeted me once.

[Dave Attell]

You.

[Sam Morril]

You. You standing in front of Gotham, you know, hey, look at this. I made it. Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Matt rife like this tweet over here.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I would like to say Drew has never retweeted me, but he did like one thing once, which was. It was early on. I don't remember what it was, but he followed me on TikTok or. No, he. He liked it on TikTok. And I followed him and never. We never rekindled our.

[Sam Morril]

I didn't.

[Dave Attell]

I'm. I've been on TikTok like, like four times. And I. I had a guy running it and then I'm seeing a girl and she's like, this guy DM me on Tick Tock. I was Like, Tick Tock dms.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Oh, you're like, it's a whole nother thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

I log back in. I would. It has. Tick Tock has done a real damage to people. No one up until. You know, this is good. This is generational. How many insanely hot women did you see in a week when you were 17, Dave?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that's a great. You know, that's an amazing question. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because, like, you probably just had the one hot girl at, like, the bakery that worked there, Right. Whereas now I get to. I see you watch, like, some mixes you didn't even know existed. A big titted Peruvian.

[Dave Attell]

How you broke your arm, dude.

[Sam Morril]

You know what I mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, yeah, like shit that, like, would. Would explode. My great great grandfather from Greece would have killed his family to, like, sniff that woman's panties. There are women so hot on TikTok now that it probably is causing psychosis in people.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

And how are you going to stay with your wife? You know what I mean? Even same thing with women, too. We had a call about in a future episode. An old woman thought Keanu Reeves was really talking to her. People are going crazy on both sides here. But TikTok has done real damage to what men think a woman looks like, because you see the hottest woman from every country, every city. You could see her on TikTok now.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That really is like, when it was so local, you know, like the cheerleading team.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, exactly.

[Sam Morril]

You know the one, you know the girl in math class. Something like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You caught a little glimpse of a girl in math classes. Panties. You're like, nice. Yeah, I'm. This. I'm good for a week off this now. These kids have to. The shit they're seeing is nuts.

[Sam Morril]

So international. Pretty good once.

[Dave Attell]

And she just, like. I didn't know why she had so many followers. Like, hey, why do you have so many followers on Instagram? She's like, I swung my tits once on there. She went viral.

[Stavros Halkias]

So she just.

[Dave Attell]

So she's like, yeah, I got to quit my. My waitressing. And I just like. And she wasn't, like, nude. She was just swinging. Dudes were like, yes, I'm in.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's brilliant, man.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah. Now she's doing advertise. It's crazy, really.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just a big set of cans might be the best thing you can have.

[Sam Morril]

Is the money still there, though, for these? Is it really that? It's like. It's a crazy world, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think if you're shrewd.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

If you have an Internet following and then you're like I get an like you know who's doing like Shannon Elizabeth just did only fans. Yes like these and good for them

[Dave Attell]

someone else do Jamie Press Jamie Presley.

[Stavros Halkias]

These are women who people guys grew

[Sam Morril]

up with yeah they wanted exactly they're

[Dave Attell]

making more money than they did in the movies.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what's funny they're cashing in on the that's their like Fuller house is like now now the nostalgia only fans have started dude where it's like I've always wanted to see those tits. I remember jacking off to this scene from American pie with dial up Internet. I wonder what Elizabeth is up to

[Dave Attell]

now Cameron would be there too she didn't marry a hockey player.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. That's right.

[Dave Attell]

She secured the bag smart. She secured the future smart. The other one's on meth though I thought right which one? One of the other not the Olsen twins. The other sister. Oh there's another the third sister on full house. Oh I think she's sober.

[Stavros Halkias]

Kimmy Gibler.

[Dave Attell]

No not her the other the other sister.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know I don't know if she's oh she's about Christian I think Jody Sweden. Yeah struggled with a crystal meth addiction

[Dave Attell]

in her early 20s.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's tough. Meth is a tough one Lose your teeth.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah but let's face it that separates you from the pack on only fans I mean I have some dental issues myself maybe I can see see them as a role model

[Dave Attell]

repping these women. Yeah look there's a market for this man.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah it's called applesauce. Let's see guzzle that down you toothless pieces.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true. You got a whole roster like I need an amputee. I need a toothless woman finally.

[Sam Morril]

A woman finally. What but I could take out for a bowl of soup.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you could watch her get implant like you could be along for the ride as she gets her teeth back.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You pay good. Yeah you know every time you like pay for a custom where a rack

[Sam Morril]

and a grill that's what we'll call it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. That's right.

[Dave Attell]

Oh man it is weird seeing all the women we grew up on though that just kind of being like yeah I'm gonna do this and I don't know what they take what percentage only

[Sam Morril]

fan takes not that much I bet you they take at least 30.

[Dave Attell]

Really?

[Sam Morril]

They'd have to right?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's got to be something crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Well didn' that guy just passed the head of only Fans. Yeah. So that must have been a crazy funeral. Let's take a look at it.

[Dave Attell]

We all poured one out for him.

[Sam Morril]

Twerking out on the coffin.

[Stavros Halkias]

20%. Okay.

[Dave Attell]

That's not horrible.

[Sam Morril]

That's pretty good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Patreon's, I think. 10 elders. This is good for all our female listeners with huge tits who have always had these questions. We're here to help you out.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You. I think I feel like you would have been a big. Only fans because you.

[Sam Morril]

Dave.

[Stavros Halkias]

We have Dave's old porn.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're a. You're a enjoyer of the. The sex work. Sex workers. You like their work.

[Sam Morril]

It's a tribute. Yeah. And I love that retro stuff. And it's funny how a lot of them have gone back into it. Like, you know, they've gone back into it and, you know, let's face it, I'm in my 60s. They're like. They're a little older, so they just went back into the game, you know. You know, baseball. I mean, do they still have the pitch? Do they still have the arm? I don't know.

[Dave Attell]

It's like Indiana Jones, man. One last crusade.

[Sam Morril]

It's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

These.

[Sam Morril]

She's done with a knee injury. She won't be.

[Stavros Halkias]

These girls that used to pitch 99 miles an hour, they're like, all right, I can be a knuckle baller now.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can adjust my game, you know,

[Sam Morril]

but they're going hard. I'm seeing, like, you know, a lot of interracial. Interracial three ways and all that kind of stuff. So they jumped in, like, right where the world is. So that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

That's beautiful.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's nice. You wouldn't. You wouldn't want your old favorites to be, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's nice when they're. They're. They're woke when it comes to the world's changing. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

But then they have to, like. They probably bore up the set with the old stories. Like in my day, the price of lube.

[Dave Attell]

She's coming out of the show.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

We used to use olive oil. We used to shoot porn in the back of a Greek restaurant. We just used olive oil.

[Sam Morril]

We actually liked each other. We were. We just excited.

[Dave Attell]

Were you always a bush guy? Dave?

[Sam Morril]

What? Not in front of you. Not in front of the boy statue. Yeah, I. I mean, I'm like anybody else now. Everybody likes a nice trim. But still, like, I remember as a boy, just seeing like at a beach or something like that, like just a monster, a tarantula coming at me, and I Was like, what is that? You know? But, yeah, that's. That's something that, you know, some guys either go all in or they're like, I don't know. But it seems like everyone lasered their way out of this.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think Bush is back. You think? I think Bush is back. And I think.

[Sam Morril]

Are you saying that as a Greek.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no, no. Yeah. I mean, listen, you're talking to a guy who did.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, that was your flag, isn't it?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. The Greek flag is just. It's. It' a girl's peeps coming out of her, like, khakis.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

On her shift at a diner. But no, I think. Listen, as a man who. I broke my arm, I hurt my back. I spent a lot more time on the Internet than I. Than I was doing. So I was. I was on Twitter for the first time. I'm seeing a lot of, like, bush cleavage these days, where it's just a little tasteful. You know what I mean? Little tasteful hint. And I really enjoy that.

[Dave Attell]

That's crazy that you just see porn on Twitter. Like, they don't, like, on Instagram. They have to dial it back. But I'll be in the grocery store. I mostly follow comedians. And then out of nowhere, you just see sucking cop and you're like, yeah, I don't need to see this in line.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Attell]

This is crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

There should be grocery store mode on Twitter where you're like, please don't show me any pukakis right now. I'm getting. I'm getting pudo.

[Dave Attell]

It's. It's jarring to see that in public in daytime.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, absolutely, dude. No, it's.

[Sam Morril]

I have a question. I'm sorry. So you broke your back.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. I have a slip. I have a pinch nerve in my lower, like, one of the. I don't know which.

[Sam Morril]

So will you like. Well, what is it called? Like, will you like. Did you have to stay still and do it?

[Stavros Halkias]

I could.

[Sam Morril]

Because I would love to see you watch porn upside down in that mirror as your helper monkey is like, you know, hitting the button. Not that one, that one. Just upside down. Like, oh, man, I can't wait till I can.

[Stavros Halkias]

Milf. Alfonso. The MILF section. Alfonso.

[Sam Morril]

Come on. No, but that could be our TikTok jerk off in a neck break. Honestly, we could take this city by storm.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what's funny, Dave? I literally. The back, I figured I had a jack off regular because I was laid up and I could hold my phone. But the first two weeks of the broken Arm. I had to sit my phone on a surface, stand up and jack off standing. I'm like at my kitchen counter beating off.

[Dave Attell]

You have to buy a ring light just to rub one out. Damn.

[Stavros Halkias]

I should have bought one of those things they put harmonicas in. I just put it and put my. Put my phone on top and it just jacked off to it.

[Dave Attell]

You jerk off like you're doing a self tape. Yeah, unfortunately.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. I should have got my self tape rig and just flipped it and watched pornography.

[Sam Morril]

Did you like you use the thing as like a. Like a calendar. Like every time you launch the load you put another. Is that how many days till you get it off?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Manning looking at this?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm calling place. No, but I did. I did get to the point where I was resting my phone and jing

[Sam Morril]

off like oh that's great.

[Dave Attell]

That is crazy.

[Sam Morril]

Even in the shower you put it under the garbage bag. I made some bad choices.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what? Those. Those QB things would be good to just put a phone in to jack off to.

[Dave Attell]

Damn.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

You're like iron man.

[Sam Morril]

I smell a shark T tank. Let's do it. Come on little man. We're going baby.

[Dave Attell]

Zeus, we're a women masturbate too.

[Sam Morril]

This could work.

[Stavros Halkias]

This works for broads too. Barbara, you can flick that dusty hole to using this. You know it. Yeah, no, I would love to to pitch Mr. Wonderful on my jack off machine.

[Sam Morril]

Man. How good was that guy in that Marty Supreme? That was really good.

[Dave Attell]

How the hell did he play a bad person?

[Stavros Halkias]

How did he play a piece of getting cucked?

[Dave Attell]

That is good acting.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean that's why the safdies are like. Well, Josh obviously, but Jen Vendetti, the casting director, she's a genius because she just finds like she can't. In the movie I was in, they felt like Aiden who plays Jesse, Jesse Plemons, like there's an autistic character and they. Aiden Delbis, he did an incredible. He was fucking 19 like. And they found the perfect kid for this. They're so good at finding people whose real life experiences match up up and yeah, it was. It pissed me off when he was good because I hate him. But you know, he did a great job and that's all you need from that movie.

[Sam Morril]

And was that a. Was that a real story? Like what was that Marty Supreme? Yeah. Was that based on something?

[Dave Attell]

It was based on the ping ponger

[Stavros Halkias]

guy, but very loosely based on some guy named Marty. It was Marty something else I think. But he was called the evil or something.

[Dave Attell]

Fun movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that movie.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, yeah, it's about a dumb. It's about a dumbass who thinks his talent in a niche thing is worth destroying every relationship he's ever had.

[Dave Attell]

I related to Eddie quite a bit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly, dude. Every comedian, I'm like, oh, yeah. I remember mistreating a woman because I thought my gift for dick jokes was more important than having a real relationship.

[Sam Morril]

Because my love is ping pong. Yeah, Everybody has.

[Dave Attell]

I remember in Whiplash, the scene when he's like, I can't be in a relationship. I'm a drummer. I'm like, this is speaking to me right now.

[Stavros Halkias]

I did that and I was the worst open micr you've ever seen in your life. I was like, we gotta break up. I gotta do this joke about not being able to wipe my own ass cause I'm too fat.

[Dave Attell]

Sorry.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, sorry, babe. This is my art. Yes.

[Dave Attell]

But that's everyone now. It's not just like ping pong. It's like, literally some guy who's like, I'm a food reviewer. I eat sandwiches in my car. I can't have a woman dragging me down. You know, everyone.

[Sam Morril]

No one understands me.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, everyone's got a calling now.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course.

[Dave Attell]

You got to get a froyo now. Like, eight people miked up in there.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know.

[Dave Attell]

You know, everyone's there to just review it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Come with me to the secret the most. Yeah, it's like, I don't think it's a secret.

[Dave Attell]

The lines around the block.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. That's. That's the new New York where people will wait online for like a bagel, you know, it's insane. They'll wait online for anything in this town except, like, voting, you know? Like, I can't. I can't get out there. We'll mail it to you. No, I'm not doing it.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, these froyo places have, like a bouncer. Like, I'm sorry, not tonight.

[Sam Morril]

Dude, did you see that Swatch thing that's going on right now? The mobs. Yeah, I saw that. Like, I was like, what is this?

[Dave Attell]

I love that. It was a piece of pocket watch.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I love that.

[Dave Attell]

People camped out for a week and they're like, it's a pocket watch.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, I know. I mean, it is funny, though, because what that was was Audemars, whatever, that watch company that's expensive as. Is there any more sign that we're. And nobody has any money where luxury brands are, like, now we're doing One with Swatch. We're so. Dude, there's gonna be such a crazy economic collapse.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, but everybody seems to want to do something, though. Like, so where's the. Just everyone's living on credit, I guess. Is that what it is?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we're. We're coming for something. It's. You know, it's a big problem when the only industry that makes any money is podcasting.

[Sam Morril]

You know, even talk culture.

[Stavros Halkias]

What if we went to both? How much would it cost to show your on on camera?

[Sam Morril]

Geez. A good lunch. Yeah. A place to stay.

[Dave Attell]

You wait on. It's really just sharing. You're sharing too much.

[Caller]

Much.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right, right.

[Dave Attell]

If you overshare people, like, but then it's like, where you have nowhere to go.

[Sam Morril]

I think you're not giving the ladies enough credit because they're selling like, a fantasy. It's not just like, all right, here they are. Goodbye. Yeah, you know, it's like, kind of enticing thing. I don't think any of us have that in a set.

[Dave Attell]

There's nowhere else to go.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're right.

[Dave Attell]

Like, when I said, Drea de Mateo, it's like, there's not going to be another Sopranos. You were on the best show ever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? Right.

[Dave Attell]

Why not?

[Stavros Halkias]

But I like Dave's point. Dave is a real pornography connoisseur. You can tell.

[Sam Morril]

You can say it. He was single.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, well, the. Dave's old.

[Sam Morril]

You dedicated to them, you know, like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, to like. But what you said, the eroticism, the fantasy. You're right. We could never. Yeah, we could never set the mood. We just like, here's my fucking little ass dick. Beat off to it.

[Dave Attell]

If you, like, speak for yourself, dude, there are women who are in your shoulder hair.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what? I could do a fantasy. If it's like, your boss is sexually harassing you. If you're into that kind of role play, I'll put up.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll put on a suit set from JCPenney and be like, like, so, Barbara, you've been coming in late the last. You know what I mean? I could do that. I could do scum. If you're trying to scumbag, you know, situation.

[Dave Attell]

I could do slum lord porn.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's rent, dude?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh, you want heat? Did you check the weather? Gonna be a real cold snap. Be a real shame of those thermostats. Don't get fixed. I wonder if we could do anything to speed that up. Sip.

[Sam Morril]

Well, when you guys go on the road, do you ever like go out late to like a str club anymore? Any of that kind of stuff?

[Stavros Halkias]

Now I'm back in.

[Dave Attell]

Way back in the day maybe.

[Stavros Halkias]

But something has happened where I'm interested. We filmed this. Well, I don't know if I should tell this. There was anyway I was in a simulated strip club environment for a project and the girls were so. And I hadn't been to strip club in a while and you know, you're filming something, you're filming the same scene all day. So I'm just around strippers all day. They're so hot. They're fun to talk to, you know. And I was like, this is awesome. I gotta get back into this. But now I'm afraid I'm turning into like, I don't know, you might have

[Dave Attell]

to cut that hair if you're gonna be a strip club guy. You're gonna look too much like a type dude.

[Sam Morril]

They're the ones who really lose to the only fan AI world. It's like that in per. They don't. It's not like, you know like us where it's like, thanks for coming and seeing it live supporting the strip club world, you know? Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what? I bet you because back in the day I feel like porn stars did used to literally do that where their podcasts were videos. Then they'd go to like.

[Sam Morril]

They go around. Yeah. They tour. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you know what, hopefully that's helping

[Dave Attell]

comics used to do. Remember Leno talked about doing stand up and strip clubs back in the day.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'd love to. That would be fun as shit.

[Dave Attell]

I don't think that's a good. It's a good set.

[Sam Morril]

If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen in Austin. That's where all new ideas start. Burlesque, naked strip, Tony's boner.

[Stavros Halkias]

Show him a woman's that Austin is

[Sam Morril]

ten years ahead us.

[Dave Attell]

I'm doing a set at the Mother Tits. Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

It's going to be a good one.

[Stavros Halkias]

The Mother Tits. Yeah, the be the center of innovation. I love that. No, but I. You're right, there is. That's true. It is like now we can spin it as an act of defiance against the computers. It's like I'm not jacking off online. I'm looking at these tits irl. I'm be and don't and. Why are you arresting me, officer? I was jacking off here to stop AI fight.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm a freedom fighter. Yeah. I'm thinking about getting back into going to. We're going To Portland.

[Sam Morril]

I was thinking you should own one. Like, you should start one.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that.

[Sam Morril]

That would be great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God. A strip club with. And it's a strip club with good food. The way Atlanta has the wing. Magic City.

[Dave Attell]

Lemon. Pepper Lou. Wings.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, what if I do a. A restaurant? A Greek. A Greek restaurant strip club.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that was the Parthenon.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, that would be so great.

[Dave Attell]

I mean, it's not a horrible idea. Dude, I don't know if Greek food really translates to skewers.

[Stavros Halkias]

What do you want? Handheld skewers. You could. You could use one hand, you still grab tits with the other. Or jack yourself, you know. Nobody jack off with these, by the way.

[Sam Morril]

But that'll be great if it's all like your old relatives as the waiters and the girls up there, it's like you can get a substitution.

[Dave Attell]

I got no.

[Stavros Halkias]

No baked potato with that or no not dolmas today. Look at only have sandwich. We have sandwich and we have whatever you want.

[Sam Morril]

These are cut to my bottom line.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dip my horse, please, Uncle Alexi. You can't call them horse, man.

[Dave Attell]

What's the strip club like? Capital in America. I know Tampa's big.

[Stavros Halkias]

Portland and. Tampa.

[Dave Attell]

Portland.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Portland is huge. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's my style of stripper, too, in Portland.

[Dave Attell]

Little armpit hair. Yeah, you like that?

[Stavros Halkias]

Just. You got a lot of different types. Tampa's a little too. You know. That's a great one, too. It's a different flavor. It's like real fake tits, you know, Big fake lips.

[Dave Attell]

Just like real fake tits. That's where we're at.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Attell]

The good.

[Stavros Halkias]

The big ones.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, not the ones that are trying to trick you being regular tits.

[Dave Attell]

Tampa's. Tampa's awesome, dude. I love Tampa.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. That's a weird. I haven't heard that sentence.

[Dave Attell]

I take my last special there. I love it. I. Good crowds, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're.

[Dave Attell]

They're wild.

[Sam Morril]

They are good.

[Dave Attell]

You can't offend people from Tampa.

[Stavros Halkias]

True. That is true.

[Dave Attell]

There's something beautiful about that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, it is a. I think a lot of people move there from, like, from here.

[Sam Morril]

So you get a little Long island vibe.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Were you ever a beach guy? I know you. You were a Long island guy.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love the idea of you as a youth sunbathing day cave.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, yeah. No, we would go to the. Our beach, you know, like. Oh, man, it was a lot of work. But, you know, the one thing is. I just did Ryan. I'm gonna say his name. Ryan Reese's show out In Long beach. And that was great, man.

[Dave Attell]

That's.

[Sam Morril]

They have like a club there. You guys would crush it there. It's like a little community, you know, it's like one of those like little like beach towns. So, you know, that was fun. And the whole island, I mean, there was so many comics out there recently passed that guy John Mulrooney way before you guys time. But he was. He was the guy out there and like, honestly, like a big road for those guys would have been like, hey, I'm playing Virginia, you know.

[Dave Attell]

Right, right, right, right.

[Sam Morril]

You might never see me again. I'm gonna bring back cigarettes and fireworks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I'm crossing the Mason Dixon line.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that was the road. You know, I'm going up to Boston, you know, man, I don't know what's going to happen.

[Stavros Halkias]

The road is anywhere that's not the. You know, it's like the first half of the original 13 colonies. Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

The rest of the Myrtle beach, that was like. I went to a strip club that was big. That was wild. Yeah. That's a. That's another like. It's like ac.

[Sam Morril]

I don't think you're giving the heartland enough credit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.

[Sam Morril]

There's something about Oklahoma.

[Dave Attell]

Really.

[Sam Morril]

That's.

[Stavros Halkias]

Those girls more.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, they got to get out. They got to get out of okc.

[Sam Morril]

Well, when you. You guys played Salt Lake, right? It's like some of the most beautiful women in the world there, you know, like just like the jeans or whatever, you know, it's getting racial, but there's something about them.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dave's coming at us a mor. Supremacist. No, but Jewish Mormon. Supremacist.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, but Jews love that look. Like it's like that ar. Look, I know you made it as a Jew.

[Sam Morril]

It is.

[Dave Attell]

It's like. It's like this would crush my mother

[Sam Morril]

if I brought this home.

[Dave Attell]

You know what I mean?

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like your version of.

[Sam Morril]

I was talking about.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like an Aryan.

[Sam Morril]

I was talking about the new Mormons from Guam. That's what I was talking about. The ones who can. The ones who could take a hip, take a check.

[Dave Attell]

Well, you, Salt Lake, it's like it's you're this or you're that. You either look like Kenneth the page from 30 Rock or like you're one of the Sex Pistols, cuz they're all like, you know, Reform Mormon or they were Mormon or they.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or they rebel hard.

[Sam Morril]

Jack Mormon, you call it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never. It's always freaks me out, too, because it just feels like there's something sinister going on there.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, no, actually, that's a power town, man. Like, I was talking to a guy there, and they have all this construction. I go, what's going on in town? Like, what's. What's the problem? And they're like, we don't have enough water for all the great we want to do here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow.

[Sam Morril]

I'm like, well, you should find a shittier town. And, like, there will be blood. Take their water out of them.

[Stavros Halkias]

I drink your water.

[Dave Attell]

You drive from Salt Lake to, like, say, like, Vernal. You go to, like, oil town there. That drive. Look off the highway. It's true Detective land. Like, tense meth. It's crazy, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

How many. How many disobedient fourth and fifth wives are buried in that desert? How many. How many women that couldn't really listen to what John Smith told? Or what was. What's his name?

[Dave Attell]

That's John. John Smith.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, John Smith is Pokah. Is the guy who raped Pocahontas. Right? Who's the Joseph.

[Sam Morril]

Sm.

[Stavros Halkias]

Joseph Smith. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Listen, homeschool, that's wrong.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what my dad told me. Anyway.

[Sam Morril]

No, I remember, like, dude, how pumped

[Dave Attell]

were they when Scientology came along? They were like, finally a dumber religion.

[Stavros Halkias]

I knew stupider one. Dude, it's so funny that that guy was just like, yeah, God told me he actually gave me the new ten commandments. I'm just some fucking guy. And, yeah, he talked to me. Because the funniest thing about Mormonism is that, like, he found some random Egyptian, like, hieroglyphs, and he was like, I'm the only one who can read these. God told me to do this, this. And then, like, you know, 40 years later, when, you know, somebody looked at those, they got the technology to. To translate them. No, completely. Not that. You know what I mean? He was just.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, but by then, the damage was done. Dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Sam Morril]

So you're going on the road. Not to Utah, I assume. Not going to Utah after that fatwa. Solely crowd people's religion there.

[Dave Attell]

I love Utah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I. I do. It is, but it just is. So. I mean, Scientology is another one. It's like, how the. Do you guys think this is real? It's.

[Dave Attell]

It's popping up everywhere. I just walked by one.

[Sam Morril]

It was like, just between us.

[Stavros Halkias]

Although I will say, John, do you ever see John Travolta pop that beret out? He was in Cannes and he had a hilarious, like, Dominican beard. It looked like filled in black. And he was wearing a white beret. He looked awesome, dude. He looked so good.

[Dave Attell]

He's gone through some looks for sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm ready for the Travolta Renaissance, dude. Oh yeah, he just. His. He directed a movie. I can't wait to. It's gonna be weird as fuck. You ever see that movie he did with Fred? Fred Durst directed a John Travolta movie.

[Dave Attell]

I saw clips.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's incredible.

[Dave Attell]

That was the collab. We were all waiting for Limp Bizkit and Saturday Night Fever. Bam.

[Stavros Halkias]

I remember when I watched Grease and then I listened to Hot Dog and Chocolate. What was it? Starfish chocolate, Hot dog, water. Yeah, I was. When I listened to those two together, I was like, now what we need to do is a melding of these two minds.

[Dave Attell]

We need Travolta to come in and save them, Tarantino to save Travolt, to, like, one last time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that would be fun.

[Dave Attell]

Cuz he's so good in the right thing, but yeah, he's never in the right thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, except that beret. Look at that picture. He looks.

[Dave Attell]

I know, I saw it.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was weird.

[Dave Attell]

Very Carlos Boozer with the spray and

[Stavros Halkias]

you're like, oof, the shoe polish. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I'm sorry, guys. I tuned out after you made fun of my religion.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dave.

[Sam Morril]

Sorry, how you're saying you grow up Greek Orthodox? I did, but my God.

[Stavros Halkias]

But that's the thing.

[Sam Morril]

The thing about Greek people.

[Stavros Halkias]

People.

[Sam Morril]

That's cool, though, for Jews, we love all that. The smoke and all that.

[Dave Attell]

They did the Jewish Greek parade yesterday. It's like crazy food crossover stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, my God.

[Sam Morril]

Must have gone on for like five blocks. We get it.

[Stavros Halkias]

We get it.

[Sam Morril]

We're hairy. Oh, man. Go all the way up to.

[Stavros Halkias]

I wouldn't like to see. Yeah. What comes out of that. Just like the. The. That's like. That's how you breed the worst landlord ever. You breach shirt. Using Greeks together. That's how you get.

[Sam Morril]

That's a great one.

[Stavros Halkias]

He said, I look it. No fix. He say, it's good. You don't need Heat right now. My friend Valandi, he look, he said, no problem. You okay? Yeah. That's the dream, dude. To be a Greek, Greek slum lord someday. We'll get there. First we do the strip club, then we do the.

[Dave Attell]

Dude, you got a big studio here.

[Stavros Halkias]

You.

[Dave Attell]

You rent out one of those rooms in the back.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, easily.

[Stavros Halkias]

We get like. We do bunk beds and you get a bunch of Chinese guys in.

[Dave Attell]

You're playing Big Bug Hunter. They're like, please, I'm trying to sleep.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mr. Stavros, please shut the up. I'm watching Heat with my friends and playing Big Bug Hunter at my office.

[Dave Attell]

I watched Heat yesterday, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, wow.

[Dave Attell]

That's a great dude movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

So good, so good. Literally, somebody asked me, like, my desert island movies, and I. And I talked to a woman about heat for 45 minutes uninterrupted, until she lost interest in me.

[Dave Attell]

That made a woman watch it yesterday. And she was like, this is brutal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, well, women gotta go.

[Dave Attell]

She liked it, but she's like, it's too violent. They don't like. Like, there's, like, studies that women don't like, like the cortisol or some show.

[Stavros Halkias]

Tell me about this.

[Dave Attell]

They hate. They can do horror, but they can't do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. They don't like to see revenge. You know, they don't like to see. But also, Heat's awesome because it's literally a love story between Pacino and Dairo. It's like, those guys are clearly in love with each other.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah. And they're treating the women like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, the women are just there.

[Sam Morril]

They're just there.

[Dave Attell]

And they're like, I got to deal with this guy. And they're like, we'll give you our. We'll be with you forever. And they're like, I'd rather.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love you. I want to raise my child with you. He was like, nah, I have to stop a criminal.

[Dave Attell]

I have to shoot another guy and ruin my one chance at love. Beautiful movie, though. No one ends up.

[Sam Morril]

It's like another fancy fantasy of the super criminal, you know what I'm saying? As compared to what we see. It's like you, your cousins, and your. Everybody, you know, we're going to just go into a jewelry store and just smash a bunch of. There's no. There's no board. No planning or anything like that. Hey, you want to. You want some of this cot?

[Dave Attell]

Okay, good.

[Sam Morril]

You got some? Okay, we're ready to go.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're out of pills. How did we. The closest place we can rob.

[Sam Morril]

Don't.

[Dave Attell]

No. Jews don't get cool criminal. We get made off. That's all we get as a. You don't get a good, like, badass heist movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

You had to run the early mob. You know which one?

[Dave Attell]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

Like Murder, Incorporated. Murder Incorporated.

[Dave Attell]

Yes.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Bugsy wasn't new. My Lansky, we had a few.

[Sam Morril]

That was cool because at the time, it was like, they control the entire pickle business on the low, these guys.

[Dave Attell]

We're.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're union busting the pickle unions.

[Sam Morril]

Shoelace his. You got to go see what's his name. Oh, but yeah, you like all the Godfather movies, right?

[Stavros Halkias]

I love them.

[Dave Attell]

Oh, man. So good. They're so good.

[Sam Morril]

I wish they would redo the last one. Cuz then it would be like, ah, this is perfect. But that was like, man. But the. Which one's your f. Like the second.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right?

[Dave Attell]

I love the first though.

[Stavros Halkias]

First one's incredible.

[Sam Morril]

First one is perfect. I.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's something about those fl. I'm also a sucker for old New York stuff. And so just the seeing that. How, how that. The parade scene scene where he's tracking him across the roof roofs and your roofs. Roof roofs.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Rufuses. And you see the San Gennaro festival In like, yeah.

[Caller]

20s.

[Stavros Halkias]

Incredible. That is so awesome.

[Sam Morril]

It's. It's. I, I love the old movies where you could see the prices of stuff like. Oh yeah, that's why it's a Flight of the Condor. That was Robert Effort and the movie's pretty good. It doesn't hold up from when I remember. Yeah, but they show like.

[Dave Attell]

Cool though.

[Sam Morril]

All my parts barking 3.95. I'm like rewinding it, looking at it. No way.

[Dave Attell]

Really? I had a younger, a 25 year old girl over and I had, I had the Godfather DVD out and she goes, I've never seen this. And I was like, you got to see the Godfather? And I was like, is this grooming

[Sam Morril]

or no?

[Dave Attell]

She was like, this is incredible. I mean, that's a good one. That's a good thing. Is like they, you, if you sit down and watch it, you're like, you, you can't think it isn't great.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've had dumb friends of mine be like, it's too slow. That's, you know. Because they need everything to be like. And they're my age. They're not like young.

[Dave Attell]

That's crazy.

[Sam Morril]

How about the Deer Hunter? Did you like that one?

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, I love that movie. That scene is like. That wedding scene's like 50 minutes worth it. But it's like, what? You're like, why are they doing. And at the end you're like, oh, I get why they're doing this. But at first you're like, there's a. An hour at a wedding almost.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, but that's what somebody said to me. They go, man, this movie's so slow. I go, well, what do you want? A fast tragedy? Oh, you get it. He's not coming home.

[Stavros Halkias]

You get it.

[Sam Morril]

This guy, this guy's crippled for life. The other guy. Guy's a nightmare.

[Dave Attell]

I do like the idea of a rap it.

[Sam Morril]

Pick it, pick it. Yeah, come on. I got stuff to do.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's see him abandon his family in the first act.

[Dave Attell]

The scene where they're where they're captive the. I mean, that's one of the most incredible scenes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Incredible, dude. I also. Speaking of old New York movies, just watching New York, New York, the. I've never seen one. You got to. I got the dvd. You can borrow it.

[Sam Morril]

Is that. Is that. What. What year is that movie?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right after Taxi Driver, New York, between Taxi Driver and King of Comics, and it was Liza Minnelli and De Niro and it's set in post World War. It's right after VJ Day. It starts right after the musical.

[Sam Morril]

Or.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, it's sort of a musical where they're both. De Niro's like a sax player and she's a singer. And they have this kind of, you know, tumultuous relationship. Some. It's really interesting, especially for. For. For, like, people who travel a lot because they're on the road, they're on tour. Half of it. So it's like you see half of old New York, then you see half of what the butt road used to be.

[Dave Attell]

Like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like where they're all in these, like, buses. Oh, yeah, it's. And they're going through, like, you know, shitty, you know, chat new, like, weird town.

[Sam Morril]

Weird vaudeville towns.

[Stavros Halkias]

Vaudeville, exactly. They're playing vaudeville. It was. It was a really. I love. I thought it was. It's not. Scorsese is so good that compared to his absolute masterpieces. It's not at. There's some pacing issues, but there's something. It looks cool. And then it's. Liza Minnelli and Daire are captivating to watch.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, she was amazing.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then it ends. She sings a lot in the end, and it's like. I really liked it. And it actually. So. Marty Supreme. You can kind of tell that I'd be shocked if they didn't really if the set. If Josh. He didn't like that movie because there's some definite, like, similar stuff about it.

[Dave Attell]

I've asked him about it because I know, like, the pace of his movies are so intense. And I remember I asked him once, you ever see the movie California Split? Because it reminds. And he's like, I fucking love California Split. I was like, all right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. This has devolved into the guys remembering Movie Hour, but this turned into the

[Dave Attell]

Chris Farley show really quickly, but with

[Stavros Halkias]

none of the people from it. Just us talking about how much. Yeah, Nashville, maybe.

[Dave Attell]

I love that movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe that Altman movies, you know.

[Dave Attell]

It's a great road movie. It's fabulous. Baker Boys, Jeff Bridges and yeah, Michelle. That's a fun One and Bo Bridges.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Fun movie.

[Sam Morril]

What's another one where one brother is like, incredibly good looking and the other one's like, yeah, hey, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I wonder who's gonna. Michelle Feifer. I wonder which one gets her.

[Sam Morril]

You guys ever see Year of the Dragon? Michael Cimino.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I love that movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the.

[Sam Morril]

Me and my brothers, we would fight, like, immediately. Like, it was so intense. So much like that. Talk about, like, man, that's. That's a great. That's a New York movie. Like, you go to Chinatown now. There's none of that there. None of it. Everything's a hat store.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, he's.

[Sam Morril]

He's taking over the hats. Hat triad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, it's Shimo. And then it's. What's his face?

[Sam Morril]

It's Mickey Rourke.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mickey Rourke, Yeah. Right. That's a banger, folks.

[Dave Attell]

He was the man.

[Stavros Halkias]

These are all bangers, folks.

[Sam Morril]

That was before he had the face.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, yeah, he was a piece of hot dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Popo Greenwich Village.

[Dave Attell]

Another New York movie. Love Popo. Greenwich Village.

[Stavros Halkias]

What was the Diner. Diner's Baltimore.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, It's a great movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Oh, true. What's the first movie you saw in theaters?

[Sam Morril]

Jaws.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really? No.

[Sam Morril]

I remember my dad taking us to see Apocalypse now and Jaws. How cool my dad was, but we were really young. Well, I. I don't know if I saw Jaws in. What was it? Exorcist. In the movie theater. But that is something you should look online for. Like when that hit in New York and how like there was like, you grew up here, but there was like lines in mid. In Times Square to go see the exes and people would come out crying, throwing up. It was such a shock to them. Now all that stuff has been done, like on some kind of Tik Tok channel, all that kind of. But like, people were like just going nuts, like they couldn't believe it. And like there was like, wow, priests and nuns. Like, this is sacrilege and all that kind of. So that would have been cool to see there. Like, just like, you know how like we're so numb to everything. Just back then they had. They have the same reference, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. Wow, that's hilarious. Apocalypse Now.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. In the movie theater.

[Stavros Halkias]

To see that in a movie theater is so awesome. That's incredible.

[Dave Attell]

It's not just a dark movie. It's like three hours.

[Sam Morril]

I love it.

[Dave Attell]

That's one. No, it's amazing. It's just a wild movie to take a kid to.

[Stavros Halkias]

Mine was the last Aladdin.

[Dave Attell]

It must have been like something Disney. Like I. I can't remember, but it must have been something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, it was Aladdin. I remember it was me and my dad, and I was like, I guess six. I don't know. When did. Was Aladdin 95 elders?

[Sam Morril]

I'm so old. Song of the South. Yeah. Oh, we went. My dad made it five times.

[Stavros Halkias]

Aladdin was 92. Oh, 92.

[Dave Attell]

That makes sense.

[Stavros Halkias]

It must have been four or five. But I remember being horny for the like, not horny, but like Jasmine in the red when Jafar's got.

[Dave Attell]

If you were a warlord dude, you'd be all over that piece. Maybe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Honestly, if you meld Jafar and her dad. That's who I am. If you mix the two characters from fucking Aladdin, I'm basically Aladdin's or Jasmine's dad. Became to me almost like a. I was like, you never see your mom. But I used to do the math. I was like this little fat guy. He fucked some lady and made Jasmine imagine how hot the lady was. So I looked at that bitch being like, if this little fat guy could do Aladdin was very important to me for my self esteem. First it taught me like, oh, I like seeing brown girls in red bikinis.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then it taught me, like, if a little fat guy like him could marry a woman hot enough to make Jasmine, you could a hot girl too. It was very important, man. Yeah. It's nice to have lessons, you know, to take lessons from. From film.

[Dave Attell]

My mom would show me artsy when I was a little kid. She would show me like, the red balloon.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow.

[Dave Attell]

It was like French kid walking around like. I'm like, it just ends with the balloon pop. You're just like. As a child, you're like, life is shit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, my mom tried that shit too. Then she very quickly realized she was raising Americans and not Europeans. She grew up on like, going to like, Godard movies and like, because she was in Europe, she was. She grew up in. At first, Bulgaria, and then they went to my grandfather's, a prisoner of war, Bulgaria. And my grandmother, her family axis. Yeah, he was. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Dave Attell]

He.

[Stavros Halkias]

He signed up. He signed up to fight the left flank of Stalingrad.

[Sam Morril]

He was really kind of let it all fall apart.

[Stavros Halkias]

There was a weird civil war after, you know, World War II with Greece. And he got captured. And my grandmother's family were. Were communists that fled the Nazis because they were rounding up. They were putting communists in camps. Yeah, they wanted them dead too. And so my grandmother. It's Hilarious that my grandmother, like, fled the Nazis through, like, the back, like, the mountains of northern Greece into Bulgaria.

[Dave Attell]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then. Then my grandfather. Her and my grandfather met, and he took her back to Greece. Like, her whole. My grandfather, grandmother's family is all in Bulgaria. I have, like, a ton of cousins in Bulgaria, weirdly. But my grand. My mom grew up there, so she started watching movies there. And then Greece in the, like. We're talking the late 50s, 60s, and 70s. So she's seeing all this, like, artsy, like, European cinema. And she tried to do that, and I was like, then. And then she threw on the Godfather and I was like, this is more.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah. Other shit's just not for a child, you know?

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But she took me to museums, and I'm happy for that because now I like art.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Look at that.

[Sam Morril]

Have you been back to Bulgaria?

[Stavros Halkias]

I've never been to Bulgaria. I want to go.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, you really would.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would love to go.

[Dave Attell]

I'm doing your. I'm doing, like. I'm doing your home. I'm doing Athens. I'm doing all over.

[Stavros Halkias]

When are you going to Athens?

[Dave Attell]

I'm doing, I think, like, early September. Oh, Lisbon, Athens.

[Stavros Halkias]

I might be there.

[Dave Attell]

That'd be sick.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'll try and get there.

[Sam Morril]

Isn't it kind of like ruin it now that everybody goes. Goes all the time? Like, it's. That's what they say in Italy. Like, it's packed. They have to. You know, it's like you can't walk anywhere.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. You don't want to go to Rome. And like, there's like four months where I talked to a Ro. A guy in Ro from Rome, and he was like, don't come. You know, I don't even remember the times he was like, come, like, kind of towards the winter. Come towards the end of the fall, because in the summer and it's. You can't even move. But Greece, at least, you know, you don't want to go. July and August, I don't think, but September is the best.

[Dave Attell]

I did. I did Italy last year. I did Rome. I didn't do a gig there, but I did a gig in Milan. They're like, it's like performing in the 80s. Like, every three jokes, you get, like an applause break.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, if you make fun of a gay person, they'll laugh forever. If you make fun of.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, I'm not going to get on a plane and fly 10 hours to people who don't get me. When I can get it right here, I can Go out to. I can go out to South Jersey right now and find the same.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can get blank stairs at the stress factory.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

I could book a double at Uncle Vinny's and get the same kind of.

[Stavros Halkias]

It would be awesome if there was, like, an Italian Vinnie Brand who hops

[Dave Attell]

on and just like, what? You're like, he's not dead.

[Stavros Halkias]

He just does 30 minutes.

[Sam Morril]

No, but people always tell me it's like, was there a club there? They don't do a club. They have, like. Like a cavern.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Like, it's a tomb that they kind of cleared out. And there's, like, musky bottle. He always blowing on a bottle or something. Like, you know, the host holds, like, a. A torch.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Our next. Yeah, very spooky.

[Stavros Halkias]

A gypsy. A gypsy juggler opens for you.

[Dave Attell]

They have all these amphitheaters there. It's gorgeous.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. No one's done that yet, right? An amphitheater.

[Dave Attell]

I think Bird did it. I think Bird did an amphitheater.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know. You know who did it also? Jazz and the Athens. And I think it sold the out. People were pumped. Dude, I was so hilarious, which is so funny.

[Dave Attell]

It's like the thing he's, like, fifth best at.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

He's great.

[Dave Attell]

It's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Molesting children, being friends with Epstein, his wife emailing Epstein.

[Dave Attell]

Okay. Seven's best at. That was a weird email.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Hey.

[Dave Attell]

It's hard to get kids into college, guys. You got to know the red pedophiles. You gotta.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's funny that he was part of a pedophile hierarchy where it's like. It's like, hey, whoa. Epstein's. It's like.

[Sam Morril]

It's like the food pyramid.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

It's like he was protein, fruits and vegetables below him. So wait, Bill did. Did a. An amphitheater?

[Dave Attell]

I think so. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

And I know what's his name? Dean did that cavern. I thought that was a. Cool.

[Dave Attell]

That was crazy.

[Sam Morril]

And has anyone ever done one on a cruise ship? Have you done that?

[Stavros Halkias]

I've never done a.

[Sam Morril]

That would be fantastic.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cruise ship.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, it's rough.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude.

[Sam Morril]

That's trying to get us going there.

[Dave Attell]

Nick Sportsman was trying to get a cruise ship together, and I was like, how is the sober guy the one who wants to do this? This seems like a nightmare.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know, I know. When. When, like, you know, I. I had fun on, like, we've. I think we all did the fully loaded tour. It was a blast. But when they asked me to do the cruise, I was like, same. There is nothing I Like, I love Bert. I had a fun. Yeah, there's nothing I'd like to do less than be on a crew than do the floating Chrysler cruise. You know what I mean? And not just Bird. Anybody's comedy cruise. I don't want to same.

[Dave Attell]

I did it once. I did the impractical jokers cruise. And it was fun, but I was like, by day three, you're like, get me the home.

[Sam Morril]

That's a lot.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, it's a lot.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you're in one of those little up rooms.

[Dave Attell]

I. I was just listening to Mike Vecchione in the room. Next.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, no, my God.

[Dave Attell]

This was pre married Mike Vecchio. He folks like you picture. I'm like, this guy's got endurance, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, dude. Grunting a lot. I get a picture.

[Sam Morril]

You're just sitting there reading George Carlin's book, doing your work as an artist.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't believe this. Animals engaging in carnal pleasures. We have people. We have fat guys in Hawaiian shirts to entertain. Tomorrow, bright and early, we have the 10am slot right after the breakfast buffet.

[Dave Attell]

You get fat as on those things. There's fried. There's just like a plate of fried chicken in every room. I remember Ari. Ari was on that too. And Ari weighed himself after. He's like, I gained 13 pounds in like six days because he couldn't stop eating the fried chicken. He was high.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome. All right. Yeah, you're selling me on it. Actually sounds so bad. This episode of Stavi's World is sponsored by Twisted Tea. You guessed it, it's barbecue season. I got a little, little rooftop situation. I can't wait to have a nice summer bbq. And you know what? All my guests are going to be slurping on. That's right. Twisted Tea.

[Caller]

Ooh.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whether you're tossing on a Speedo and working on that tan or headed to day drink in your friend's backyard, turn up your summer plans with the new Twisted Tea Summer Party Pack. The Summer Party pack has a bunch of delicious, refreshing flavors. You got your original, you got your half and half, but we just got Rocket Pop and the new Twisted Lemonade. Whoo. Real lemons comes in rad color changing can. And it's only available in the Summer Party Pack. And it is delicious. It goes down smooth, I promise you. And as always, Twisted Tea is it's made with real brewed tea. There's no carbonation, which means it's the perfect choice to drink all day long. Plus, at 5% alcohol, Twisted Tea makes things the ideal level of fun. Whether you're hanging out at the bar or hitting the beach, Twisted tea is there to make a good time, a great time. Grab a refreshing twisted tea today and keep it twisted. Must be 21 plus. Please drink responsibly. Have you ever been late night shopping? Finally found exactly what you've been looking for, added it to your cart and then realized your car's nowhere in sight? And just when you're about to give up, you see that purple pay button. One tap and you're checked out in seconds. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names to brands just getting started. Their shop pay button is used by millions of businesses and it's why Shopify is the best converting checkout on the planet. Can I be honest with you? I didn't even re I've been using Shopify for my business. I didn't realize this purple shop pay button was Shopify. I use this non stop. A lot of the tracksuits you've seen me in those have been impulse purchases and I'm thankful the shop pay button was for because I'm looking delicious in those. And if I had to run down find my cart, these beautiful pieces might have sold out before I even had a chance to get them. I love it just as a consumer, I love it even more when it applies to my business. It makes sure those people are buying that merch. They're not letting it in that cart. I love the shop pay button. You're going to love it too. If if by some chance you're not already using it it see less carts go abandoned and more sales with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi that's shopify.comstavi well why don't we listen we've we've reminisced enough. Why don't we get to the real point of this show helping the people out. Dave, one of the we, you know, he's basically our Yoda. He's basically comedy's Yoda. So why don't we take some of that.

[Sam Morril]

Tell me how you really feel. Stop reading the prompt.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sorry, I'm reading the email.

[Sam Morril]

What are my people 10 years. What is my team trying to promote?

[Stavros Halkias]

His publicist was very crew was clear. We have to get this language right. No, obviously.

[Sam Morril]

So what do you what goes on here? Because I'm not Really?

[Stavros Halkias]

We'll tell you right now. These people, we send in some voicemails, they're going to ask us questions, and we're going to solve all their problems.

[Sam Morril]

What?

[Stavros Halkias]

Eldest?

[Sam Morril]

I mean, okay, let's go.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're gonna. It's. It's a fun. We'll have a good time. I'll just give us something nice.

[Caller]

Hey, stop. Eldest, esteemed guest. I'll try to be quick. My girlfriend and I can play. Hey, dog. Eldest, esteemed guest. I'll try to be quick with the facts. So my girlfriend and I, we're both trans women in our early 30s. Transition's been great. Curves in all the right places. We're both hotter than we've ever been.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's cool.

[Caller]

We love to constantly. We film our all the time.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Caller]

So given this naturally, we've begun exploring some. Like, only fans work not just for fun on the side, just a way of expressing our bodies. I'm a videographer with some experience, so

[Stavros Halkias]

it's a fun way to use some. That's awesome. Be like, I'm a videographer. So, you know, it just felt like, you know, me and my. Me and my girlfriend were just bringing my art into this. You know what I mean?

[Dave Attell]

I love the confidence, by the way you film yourself having sex. You. You don't look as good as you think.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, what if she's got a gaffer, dude? What if they're lighting? What if they're maybe, you know, mean, but it's.

[Dave Attell]

For me, it's like basketball. I'm like, I'm that slow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's true.

[Dave Attell]

I'm out of breath already.

[Stavros Halkias]

I. I know, dude.

[Caller]

I.

[Stavros Halkias]

A girl. A girl acted up, was like, take a picture. You know what I mean? Take a picture of this. And I, like, had to look at my p. First of all, it was after I nutted, so my dick looked pretty small. And I just didn't like that. How little my dick. I was like, can't we take the pick? When I'm absolutely torqued.

[Dave Attell]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

I need torque that. I need to be at the right angle. I need to work. I need the lens. I need a lens that does a. I need a lens that kind of does that effect that makes things look bigger in camera shadow. Yeah. I need to catch a long halo

[Sam Morril]

with the Sun's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

A J.J. abrams lens. Flare back lighting my. That would be nice. Put me on the dolly and move

[Dave Attell]

me back while we zoom in.

[Sam Morril]

I'm like, like a Scorsese shot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Elvis has been studying cinematography.

[Sam Morril]

Was there a need for Help or a problem. It sound like somebody figured their life out really well.

[Dave Attell]

I mean, relationship, career, where's the problem?

[Stavros Halkias]

Having a good time.

[Sam Morril]

I didn't see a problem.

[Stavros Halkias]

Is there more?

[Caller]

It's a fun way to use some of the equipment I have.

[Stavros Halkias]

Problem is I'm not getting any commercial work, so I'm going to film my girl, my girlfriend, putting a butt plug in my ass.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, we get it. You went to B and H, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, keep going.

[Caller]

Problem is our roommates. I have two of them. She has one as well. Our incessant needs have really caused a lot of problems so far. Annoyances, grievances, yada yada. So my question is, how can we start the civil side quest for ourselves without causing a bunch more grievances for ourselves? Roommate.

[Dave Attell]

Well, I could make that out.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the context?

[Sam Morril]

There's a third roommate there, I think.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, correct.

[Stavros Halkias]

The caller has two roommates and her

[Dave Attell]

girlfriend has one roommate.

[Stavros Halkias]

And the roommates are starting to get pissed off that they're all. It's like, hey guys, come on, chill with the. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, cuz they're also shooting their only fans. Yeah. As well. Right.

[Dave Attell]

I mean, maybe you should have put that in the Craigslist personally.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Really, that's. That would be.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would be like lube in here. Come on.

[Dave Attell]

I would be annoyed. Especially like I've lived in some small places with a lot of roommates and I'm like, I, I would be pretty annoyed if they were non stop.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, that's true. I've had to, you know how many times I, I. Good thing Elders didn't so much. But when he did, it was I, I knew his rhythm, I knew his cadence. You know what I mean? I had to put on headphones. Luckily it didn't last too long.

[Sam Morril]

Luckily.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean it's one TikTok and he's done.

[Sam Morril]

But I mean I'm no relations friendship expert or.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right.

[Sam Morril]

Or anything like that. But can't they just solve this with like, I don't know, a track meet? I mean, you know, equal, you know, maybe a head start. Give them a little bit of a head start. There's no way I, I think throwing a discus wouldn't solve this terrible family problem here. All right, how about some boxing? What do you say? By the way, clearly, get in there.

[Dave Attell]

Clearly your only fans isn't doing that well if you have how many roommates, like, what's going on?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's true also. It's like, look, Is that it? Is that pretty much it?

[Sam Morril]

First of all, they're not roommates in a psychiatric treatment center.

[Dave Attell]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Finish it up, Elders.

[Caller]

Additional context. So my roommates aren't like, their closest friends. We've lived together for a year now. I don't really know them too well, and I actually pay two thirds of the rent in my apartment currently. I don't want to try and pull that card on them, but I will need it because, I mean, I don't want to be a jackass, but I just want to get myself on and I want to share with the world. So, yeah. Sorry if I didn't give enough context. Love you stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, the best part, too much context,

[Sam Morril]

if you ask me.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly.

[Sam Morril]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

We actually don't need to know you do all this. This call is.

[Sam Morril]

That is a problem, though. There is a serious issue here, don't you think?

[Stavros Halkias]

This call is purely bragging. So much pussy I'm getting. You know what I mean?

[Sam Morril]

He's having a great time.

[Stavros Halkias]

My girlfriend, we're sucking each other off so much, it's awesome. But my roommates hate it.

[Sam Morril]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

First of all, why do you pay two thirds? And honestly, once I heard she pays two thirds of the rent, I'm like, yeah, you get the. As much as you want. They're getting a deal. If this. In New York City, dude, if I got to pay, like. Like, yeah, if I got to pay 500, my roommates could. In the living room, do whatever you want.

[Caller]

Right?

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? So the fact that you're. That you've got all this is not a. It's. That ain't. That's not a big deal deal. But, yeah, this doesn't. This isn't.

[Dave Attell]

It's a weird thing to explain, though, to the roommate who's bringing someone up. Like, wow, you got a really good deal in this place. Like, yeah, they're just. They're gonna be banging the whole time. It's a bit of a drag.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we can't really put anything. We can't put shelves on the wall next to our bedroom. Everything. The urn. My vase was bumped off the ledge because they were so hard in there.

[Sam Morril]

That's really.

[Stavros Halkias]

This isn't a problem.

[Sam Morril]

You know, listen, I think there's some simple ways this is. Let them know, maybe smearing some dog on the. You know, old. Old school. Like, you know, things aren't right here at the apartment.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's true. Start acting like it's haunted. Start.

[Sam Morril]

Start.

[Stavros Halkias]

Start making them out.

[Sam Morril]

Scare them out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Leave, like. Yeah, leave. Little weird, you know, Pretend you're a ghost. You're, you're, you're into audio visual stuff. Can you project a ghost into their

[Dave Attell]

room so it doesn't sound like a real problem? Like it was like a three minute message.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is bragging and this is 99 of.

[Dave Attell]

It was like life is good.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is all. So yeah, yeah, your life's fine. Here's what you need to do. Pick up some fucking shifts wherever the fuck you work and stop having roommates. If you pay, if you pay two thirds and you have a girlfriend and you, things are going good. Why don't you guys move in? Maybe it's a little too soon. But look, this is not a problem. It sounds like maybe this is the first time in your life that you've really fucked a lot. Like, because I feel like this happens with. I have trans friends and I feel like a lot of them go through almost like it's kind of like going through publishers. Puberty.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Like later in life. So you're basically at the point. This is what happens when people go to college and it's the first time they can. And so they non stop. And it feels like these girls are in their 30s, their transition's finally in a good place and they're confident in their bodies. You're just in the, you're in the honeymoon phase of being a woman right now and you're loving non stop. You're, you're, you know, you're proud of how you look, how things are going. I'm not saying that's going to fade away completely, but it won't.

[Dave Attell]

It will fade away with it.

[Stavros Halkias]

The novelty will eventually.

[Dave Attell]

Life gets worse.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, life gets worse. You're in a good spot right now. You and your. How about this? If you really want an all day sesh, this is a go to get a hotel for the day. Go to one of those websites that

[Dave Attell]

gives you, that gives you. In New York, not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did she say New York? They're probably in some. I'm just saying if you want to fly all day, right? Like for example, if I wanted, if I was enjoying a chili cook off, I wouldn't take over the kitchen for 24 hours. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's rude. You can't. If you want to a couple times, three times, whatever, in your house, that's normal stuff. But if you're outside of the normal range of like what a roommate does, you know, you want to have a marathon sesh.

[Dave Attell]

I'm lucky. All my roommates were like losers. Who never got laid. I'm realizing that I never had a. I mean I'd. I'd hear him cry sometimes in the other room. Never, never.

[Stavros Halkias]

I hear them beg for. But never.

[Sam Morril]

But never.

[Stavros Halkias]

We had a roommate who lived in a. A window like in the living room.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, I've done that.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he non stop. It was hilarious. You could hear they had the most hilarious relationship. Cuz Eldis would just wake up at 8am and have. He had a two hour get ready for work routine where he would make an omelette and watch Miami Vice. And our roommate was.

[Dave Attell]

I take it back, that's a cool ass routine.

[Stavros Halkias]

And our roommate, you just heard those shitty wolves shake while he's banging this girl. And El is just playing Miami Vice on the couch eating his goat cheese omelet.

[Dave Attell]

I know, it's so funny. Like neither of us thought is this rude?

[Stavros Halkias]

Rev's just going about our day.

[Dave Attell]

Like there's no.

[Sam Morril]

It's like the Siamese twins where like one's playing the piano, the other one's just taking a. No, I can mentally. We've learned to give each other wall walls.

[Stavros Halkias]

So yeah, you're bragging. You don't have a real problem. Congratulations. I'm happy. I'm happy you're getting to a lot. But you know, just be a good roommate and maybe move out and get your own place, get your own little pad. Next question.

[Caller]

Mr. Sula Savi, baby. Love you guys. Longtime listener, first time caller. Love for you guys. I have a problem with this. Someone that I'm dating has a hidden addiction, the drinking addiction. And I didn't know about. I'm about two years out of a pretty heavy divorce, but I've been dating, having fun, meeting a lot of nice girls, but none of them have been really clicking. I meet this amazing dream girl. Gorgeous, smart, funny, loves movies, sports, all that good stuff. We like to send teams. We're from the same city, we're in a different city. Female. And things are going incredible. The sex is outrageous. Sexual connection, everything is great. About eight weeks in, I started catching some red flags off of her. Some drama with the family. Doesn't add up. And this and that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I smelled her stick. She was driving me somewhere. She spilled her Stanley cup. It smelled like vodka.

[Dave Attell]

She's the perfect woman. Eight months in, she drunk drove into a school zone.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

And murdered a bunch of children.

[Sam Morril]

Stand by her.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know. You know that. That goes to show you how good the is by the way. Keep going Eldis.

[Caller]

And this and that. And then she stays in my house for four days while she's changing properties or something. I don't know. And she drinks about 13 bottles of high end whiskey in mezcal that I have at my house.

[Dave Attell]

What?

[Caller]

Sell it professionally?

[Stavros Halkias]

That's kind of.

[Caller]

Anyway, I. She flips out.

[Dave Attell]

Are you banging Charles Bukowski with 13 bottles of whiskey?

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, literally, that's 14 days. That's like, what, Deadwood characters?

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Really trying to stave off cholera, you know how much?

[Dave Attell]

Hold on. Do the math. Four days, 13 bottles.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

That's insane.

[Sam Morril]

But he says, you know, I've got like, whiskey. I collect whiskey right next to my gun cabinet. I gave her the keys. You know, I trust her. I trust this. I love this woman.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's insane. Dude, the fact that you flash flabbergasted Sam, who has a drinking problem now, buddy.

[Dave Attell]

We're good.

[Stavros Halkias]

But there were a couple. I was addicted to pills.

[Sam Morril]

You were addicted to brains.

[Stavros Halkias]

We had some dark good times, dude.

[Dave Attell]

I think they were good times, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

They were good times. But no, we were all just trying to recreate Dave's run, dude. He was having the. The insomnia. You really kind of forced us to want to be cool and do well.

[Sam Morril]

I feel for you and your livers because I know you guys probably have drinking way more than me now, but this guy's amazing where, like, it's. It's amazing that coke hasn't come into it yet. No, she's just an alcoholic. She's up for days at a time. I mean, it's crazy. But alcohol duty. I mean, like, you know, she's got two guys going at. That's the crazy boost.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

So what. What is he.

[Dave Attell]

I mean, that's. But that's like a serious alcohol. That's not like sneaking. That's.

[Stavros Halkias]

I also feel like he's probably. He's over.

[Dave Attell]

Are they little bottles, you think? Who knows if they're little bot like airport bottles, that's not awful.

[Sam Morril]

But nobody. Only losers collect a little airport.

[Dave Attell]

Look where I was.

[Sam Morril]

I was in a hotel. Jesus Christ.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sorry, Go ahead.

[Caller]

LD I confront her. She flips out. I kick her out of my house. She goes on a bender, nearly kills herself.

[Stavros Halkias]

She goes on a bender. She was on a bender at your house. She had 13 bottles. Anyway, keep going.

[Caller]

He flips out. I kick her out of my house. She goes on a bender, nearly kills herself with a 0.55 BAC, ends up in the hospital. I contact her parents through one way or another, another, and turns out she's a massive alcoholic. No, for Five years.

[Dave Attell]

Hold on. We're not there yet, buddy. She might be. Okay.

[Caller]

All this stuff for me. I also found out a lot of the information that I knew was true. A lot of it was up. So she's in rehab now, and I'm really racking my head if I even give this girl a conversation when she gets out.

[Dave Attell]

She's the pilot for United, and

[Caller]

I

[Sam Morril]

would have loved to seen that door camera footage. Going head to head. 14 balls, bottles of little whiskeys. You have a problem, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're a. Give me your keys.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. And then the one good guy. You need help, ma'?

[Dave Attell]

Am?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yes. No. Is this man bothering you?

[Dave Attell]

I just want to go to Blimpies.

[Stavros Halkias]

He will give me his keys.

[Sam Morril]

I'm like, I gotta pick up my

[Stavros Halkias]

son from soccer practice. So this guy doesn't even know if he wants to talk to her again. There's a little more.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Oh, she's messaging me now and back and forth, and it's just. It's a heavy thing. So I just need advice on when do I cut people off for lying? And was that lying part of her addiction? And I'm not trying to be too gnarly.

[Sam Morril]

That's a tough problem. That's a tough one.

[Dave Attell]

She sounds like a good guy, too.

[Sam Morril]

That's tough, man. I mean.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, if she's in rehab, maybe she'll get. I don't know how it works, really,

[Stavros Halkias]

but I think I would. Yeah. I mean, you should. You should. You should find out.

[Sam Morril]

I think she has to earn his trust. And the best way to do it would be to be the fourth roommate in the first call for those two people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Go, let's party. Get a couple trans roommates and try and out them. That's how you get this. That's how you get the spark back in your relationship.

[Sam Morril]

That's a tough problem, man.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a tough one. But listen, I say there's a couple. There's a couple factors here. I think it really boils down to how good it was to. If we're being completely honest, I think whether she gets a shot again. Because, look, I'll say we're. We're no strangers to everybody that we are friends with is a. Is a former addict of something broken. Yeah. Yeah. We're all. Yeah. And so some of the most fun people, because in. In some ways, somebody who has that problem and then goes through rehab and kicks. Kicks it.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're some of the most fun people you ever meet.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because they have it in them to be A good time, but they know the amount that'll kill them now. And now they're just chill.

[Dave Attell]

So they have like 16 hours a day to learn, like, Mandarin and karate, and they're amazing. Yeah, no, I'm with you. It's the best. So you hope they can figure it out.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think it's fucked up to be like, you won't even give her a chance, right? Look, you don't have to. You don't have to start dating immediately, but you could just be like. You could, you know, meet for a coffee, see that she. Her shit's good, and just kind of take it from. From there. And if you're saying she's perfect, she's incredible. This addiction is a disease, right? It's real. And, you know, you're. You're. If you really had a good thing, obviously she acted out. But to be honest with you, dating an alcoholic eight months, and you only had one weird episode. It was. It was eight weeks.

[Dave Attell]

Not eight weeks.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's the other.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, but he saw it building. He was, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, so.

[Sam Morril]

I don't know, but he was so. And, you know, bigger tits.

[Dave Attell]

And she does like sports. Sure, she's suicidal, has a death whip wish, but she'll watch the next. Come on. Does she like heat?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Okay. That's what we do. Show her heat.

[Dave Attell]

Heat rules.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah, she'll like it. Yeah. I don't know, man. I say you can give her. You can just treat it as like starting completely over, and the second you see a. The second you see a red flag, you're out of there. But, yes, you know, give it. Give it one more go. Maybe she. You might. This might be the best case scenario.

[Sam Morril]

Take care of yourself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly.

[Dave Attell]

She owes you, as they always say.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

So you can up somehow, and she's got to forgive you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Ruin, like, a big accomplishment of hers. Maybe she's graduating from grad school. Show up with your dick out. You know what I mean? Say you did this. You did this.

[Caller]

You.

[Stavros Halkias]

You drank all my whiskeys, Even Stevens. And then we're even. And then you can go on from there. All right? I think we really help this guy, too. Give us another one, Eldis. You know, I'm a busy man. I'm an on the go family fella. I'm busy. Time is money, I often say. And I hate waiting around when I want something to get done. You know, sometimes I've hired contractors, come in and do a job, and not only do I have to wait around, but the Premium priced pro sometimes causes more of a problem. I've had a bad TV mounting job. I've had bad H Vac stuff done. That's why I love Pesti. Other pest control companies charge hundreds of dollars, but with Pesti, you can get started at just $35 per check. Treatment with a customized plan based on your location, bugs and climate. With the DIY kit, there are no strangers in your house or appointments to make time for. Pesty gets rid of over 100 types of bugs, from spiders and ants to roaches and scorpions. Their DIY kit includes a sprayer, mixing bag, pesticide gloves and instructions you could complete in less than 10 minutes. I'm a pesky guy. When I first moved into an old apartment, I was very lucky. Lucky that I just found out about Pesty and I used it to get rid of, let's just say some the the conditions I found the apartment in were not acceptable immediately. With Pesty, I was able to handle it myself. It was a. It was a water bug situation. I'm familiar with them growing up on the east coast, growing up in Baltimore, some might call them roaches. Either way, Pesty got him out of there quick. Easy as pie. What are you waiting for? Fix your bug problem before it gets worse. Go to pesti.comstavvi for an extra 10% off your order today. That's P-E-S-T-I-E.comstavi for an extra 10% off. Hey everyone, it's me, Morgan Stewart, and I have a new podcast called the Morgan Stewart Show. Join me each week as I talk

[Sam Morril]

about pop culture, fashion, my personal life

[Stavros Halkias]

and just a warning, I'm gonna be giving my opinion on everything.

[Sam Morril]

I'll also have some really fun guests

[Stavros Halkias]

to join in on the fun. The Morgan Stewart show is out. Now listen and follow wherever you get your podcasts or watch full video on YouTube. YouTube.

[Caller]

Hey, stabby. So I am recently divorced and I started to hit the dating pool in a college town. And my name is Sean. And I met this woman who has the exact same name as me. She even spells it the exact same way. That's how she is not a man. She's not not a train transgender. She wasn't born a man. I think her parents wanted a boy.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the area code for this one? Elders? I'm gonna say Kentucky. Let's find out. Which state does he work for?

[Sam Morril]

Is this the town with that weapons movie?

[Stavros Halkias]

She says her name might shock you to find. That's Kansas. Kansas.

[Sam Morril]

Now I can Handle this one. Take her to the state fair. Show her how it's young. If you're. If you're starting with the Ferris wheel. And then do a slow two step with her.

[Stavros Halkias]

Show her to show her the prize hogs.

[Dave Attell]

Yes. By the way, great barbecue. Not the most progressive place.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, so, Sean, the sexy lady with. No, go ahead.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah,

[Caller]

no, she told me, but I wasn't listening. Listening. And either way, we've been hooking up a lot and it's starting to get kind of weird in the bedroom because it's too early in the relationship. If you want to call it a relationship. It's too early to use pet names. Like, you know, a pet name that you might give a girl after a long time. But it's also. It feels very narcissistic to yell out my own name.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sean. This pussy's incredible. Sean. Oh, Sean, you're sucking my so good.

[Dave Attell]

Even worse, I was. I was dating a girl recently named Stavros. And I was like, oh, Stavros, your is amazing.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what? I think I have hooked up with a girl named Sam. I've probably been like, yeah, Sam. Oh, Sam. And didn't think about until this moment. I'll never be able to another Samantha ever again. I have to use the full name.

[Sam Morril]

What a quaint problem this is. Isn't it like. It's like one of those. The Movie Channel. Sean loves Sean.

[Dave Attell]

Like that poster.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Taylor Lautner, the guy from Twilight. He's married to a woman named Taylor Lautner.

[Dave Attell]

What?

[Stavros Halkias]

He made a married woman named Taylor and then she took his last name and they're both named Taylor Lautner.

[Dave Attell]

That is amazing.

[Sam Morril]

Why don't you just call her what they call her at the office? Coach, let me in.

[Dave Attell]

Coach.

[Sam Morril]

Come on, Coach, give me a shot.

[Dave Attell]

He's gonna call it Baby. They're doing like old noirs. Come on, baby.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, babe. Yeah. I mean, honestly, this doesn't seem like that much of a problem, but keep going.

[Dave Attell]

Nothing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Small detail we missed to that he said he's. He said her parents wanted a boy. I don't really know.

[Dave Attell]

She told me, but I wasn't listening, so.

[Sam Morril]

She's Asian. We get it. We get it. All right. I'm glad he didn't get into it. We get it.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

We spelled X I A N Jean

[Caller]

name during sex. You know, she's done it once and it just kind of ruined the mood. It just. I don't know what to do. There's. There's no middle names that we like to use. My Middle name doesn't work.

[Sam Morril]

I don't go by my middle name.

[Caller]

And her middle name is what everyone. This is Rose.

[Sam Morril]

Everyone loves Robert E. Lee.

[Caller]

Titanic.

[Dave Attell]

So if this is your problem, I

[Caller]

think you're gonna make it last for along this relationship.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're. You're maybe one for three so far on these calls.

[Sam Morril]

Dude, this is like a prom at a one room schoolhouse. Let me tell you something, Sean.

[Dave Attell]

Who gives a. I don't know how

[Sam Morril]

far you are from a BUC EE's, but you should drive down.

[Dave Attell]

I hooked up with a Sam and it didn't even register like who gives a. Yeah, you know, name.

[Sam Morril]

I think that's the cool girl. It's. My name's Sam. It's Samantha. But you know, Sam.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sam's a girl with like a leather jacket and like a little bob.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, you know, she's a baby badass. She probably pegged you. Is that she did.

[Dave Attell]

But she called you Sam's. It was cool.

[Sam Morril]

This is leading to something though. What's. What is.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't think there is.

[Sam Morril]

Is that it?

[Stavros Halkias]

I think elders just chose another bad call.

[Sam Morril]

Is there something in the corn?

[Stavros Halkias]

Are. Are.

[Sam Morril]

Are people disappearing in the corn? Ever since Sean and I have been having sex, children have been disappearing in the corn.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't keep this.

[Sam Morril]

Sean, I bet you she's super cool and this is the guy's like.

[Dave Attell]

It's way worse if you're screaming out like your mom's name during sex, right? Yeah, like. Like I would never. Someone named Marilyn. That's a no go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. That's hilarious.

[Dave Attell]

But like Sam, who gives a. Yeah, dude, you're a.

[Stavros Halkias]

Honestly, if I'm being completely honest with you. Wow, Sean, who care. You also. She tried to tell you why she's named she on and you tuned her out. You didn't. You don't know the like. You know this lore she was trying to share with you. I think again, this is a. This is another person bragging about getting pussy. There's no real problem here, Eldis. You've left another one sneak through. And I pray to God you have one good call while we have Dave Attel on the.

[Sam Morril]

No, I thought that was pretty. These are problems. These are what people are dealing with. We don't know because here we are in the Partheon, you know, here we are Mount Olympus, like gods Poseidon and whatnot. We're all looking down on them like the battle of Troy.

[Dave Attell]

I mean.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's not bad. We should have a. We should have a. A Section of the strip club called Poseidon's Lounge, where there's a hot tub

[Sam Morril]

was just a dirty, filthy baby pool. Poseidon Loud. Release the Kraken. Some oneeyed dude comes out.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's an hour a day where we can go bottomless. And then that's when we say, release the Kraken. When they show, when they pull their pussies out,

[Sam Morril]

that's a hit.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, LD Red. It's your chance for redemption. Will you blow it? Will you do a good call? Let's find out.

[Caller]

Hey, Savvy, first time caller, long time listener. So I'm in a bit of a tickle at the moment. About a week ago, my brother came into town unannounced to do some work stuff. And, okay, he asked me if I could look after his kids. Now, my nephew was around, like, is

[Dave Attell]

this Mark Wahlberg from Fear Call?

[Sam Morril]

Keep them talking. I've almost got the location.

[Stavros Halkias]

We can trace it.

[Sam Morril]

Okay, coordinate. We got it. Move the team.

[Stavros Halkias]

Move it, move it, move it.

[Sam Morril]

Go ahead.

[Caller]

He asked me if I could look after his kid. Now, my nephew was around like 7 or 8 years old. And anyway, I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll look after him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whatever.

[Caller]

I ended up giving his kid my phone just to give him something to do for a little bit because I had some errands I had to run, and I'm like, hey, here, you can play some games on my phone.

[Stavros Halkias]

He pulled up Shannon Elizabeth's only fans.

[Caller]

It all was good.

[Sam Morril]

It's not easy running a candy store. In the early 1960s, the Sharks and the jets, they keep coming in here. When will you kids learn? This guy's very Brooklyn something. I mean.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, how?

[Sam Morril]

Whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Whatever's happening, buddy. Whether it's you're from a region or you have a fun speech impediment, we love what you're doing. I love it.

[Sam Morril]

I love the dramatic pauses.

[Caller]

Yeah, it all was good. Anyway, about two days later, my bank account is negative 600, and I'm like, what the is that?

[Sam Morril]

That is terrible.

[Caller]

And anyway, I'm look through my Apple history purchases, and his kid has been.

[Dave Attell]

He bought you a speech therapist?

[Stavros Halkias]

Better Help is now doing speech therapy as well.

[Sam Morril]

This is like the dark side of welcome back cotter Porsche. So Mr. Woodman came in. He said, can I watch a kid? I said, why wouldn't I?

[Stavros Halkias]

This kid drained him Ron Roblox, probably one. What do you buy? Did he say what he bought?

[Caller]

Purchases and his purchases has been making in app purchases on games and totaled up about $800. And at first I was kind of like, okay, it's all good, it's all good. I can just dispute it with Apple. It'll be fine. He's a kid, he's gonna make some mistakes. But I dispute it with Apple Place. And they reject, reject it. They reject it both times.

[Stavros Halkias]

Jesus.

[Caller]

And so I call up my brother and I'm like, hey, man, your kid has spent about $800 of mine on, in app purchases, on a video game, on myself.

[Dave Attell]

Like a bad audition. You're pausing in the wrong spot.

[Caller]

Response was, oh, yeah, he does that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, oh, that's.

[Sam Morril]

There you go.

[Caller]

And I'm like, what the do you mean he does that?

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, I hear the fire in your voice.

[Caller]

And so I asked him, I said, look, I don't. I hate to do this to you, but he's your kid. And I've tried to dispute it, but now I. I'm gonna need that money back. I'm gonna need you to pay me. And he's just flat out refusing to do it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's crazy. Crazy.

[Caller]

And so, I don't know. Look, that's a lot of money to me. That's a lot of money to me, and it set me back quite a bit at the moment.

[Dave Attell]

We'll try to play the games. Maybe they're fun over there.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, the good news is Superman is at level 100 on, on your DC Heroes game or whatever the he's playing. The good news is you probably bought some cool skins on Fortnite. You can be Peter Griffin now. You can be, you can maybe do. Yeah, you can do shit, Stewie, you know what I mean? Like, at least that this guy brought

[Sam Morril]

the energy of a one man show. Santa Monica, opening his heart to us. And I'm gonna say it right away, that kid is responsible. He's seven or eight. He already knows how to do all that kind of downloading and all that kind of stuff. So I guess this kid is a savant. Who knows what scams he'll come up with. I'm sure he's. Did he say, like, oh, I'll, I'll, I'll pay you back when I, you know, hit the prediction market.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Dave Attell]

My nephew, my nephew put like 2 grand of my money on the Knicks winning the final. So I hope if it doesn't happen, I hope I get the money back. I'd like the money back if it happens.

[Sam Morril]

Great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wait, that's not real. Oh, that'd be awesome.

[Sam Morril]

This poor guy, his credit card record, that's what's going to look like weird. Cuz up until then it was like, I guess nasal spray and humidifiers, curtains, you know, things like that. And now it's these fun games, children's games. That's the red flag. They're right there on the, on the account count.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's tough because either either a kid is doing this or the. Or it's a pedophile. There's no way unless a kid still this. There's nobody else who's spending.

[Dave Attell]

So it's the best case scenario.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sam Morril]

The brother is responsible for his.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, your brother's a piece of.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, he really is responsible for it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's crazy.

[Dave Attell]

Also, I would never give a kid my phone.

[Sam Morril]

If it was my situation. I would take the boy's kidney. My issues is a learning experience. Give me that healthy kidney, you illegal downloader of my money games.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you.

[Dave Attell]

The good news is you don't have to pay me back.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Dave Attell]

The bad news is he's only got one moment.

[Sam Morril]

You wake up with a scar. What happened? Enjoy your video games.

[Dave Attell]

One kid in a tub full of ice.

[Stavros Halkias]

You want to go to Chucky? You want to go to Dave and Busters and. Yeah, he just wakes up. Huh?

[Sam Morril]

Let me teach you a little something I learned in Cambodia.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. Is there any more elders or do we. Pretty much.

[Dave Attell]

That's pretty much it.

[Sam Morril]

How could there be? This is the crime of the century.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, look, your brother's a piece of. How do you handle it? You gotta like, I mean, be like, look, dude, you need to give me this money back. Is your brother willing to fucking cut you out of his life? Because if I, if it were me, I'd be like, I would never let him forget about this. I mean, if it was me, I would absolutely pay my brother. There's no question. There's. This isn't like for I. One time I, I. Although this is a different issue. I guess I borrowed. I moved a car for a friend when it was like alternate side parking. And I didn't see that. It was like a fucking school zone or whatever. But I did it. In that case, I ended. Fuck. Maybe I'm giving contradictory advice because I ended up paying that part parking tick because I, I felt bad.

[Sam Morril]

You should.

[Dave Attell]

Yeah, no, that's the right.

[Sam Morril]

I think it's the right.

[Stavros Halkias]

It was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess that's, that's, that's.

[Dave Attell]

This is like parents that don't take responsibility for their kids. It's like when you're on a flight and the kids just screaming non stop. I get that. Sometimes you can't quiet them down. You gotta try.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give me an effort.

[Dave Attell]

Give me an effort just to appease all the eyes looking at you.

[Stavros Halkias]

To keep our society be like, please, buddy. You know, I mean, to keep. To keep. Oh, he gets like this welcome. This is.

[Sam Morril]

This, this one is like classic people scored of where, like, who is. Who is responsible for who. And it's weird that the brother, like, he's not going to make good on his kid. So, like, that's.

[Dave Attell]

It's awful.

[Sam Morril]

I mean, if he lets him stay there again, you know, then that's really ridiculous. But what do I know?

[Dave Attell]

I mean, put that kid to work for you. Get that 600 back, dude.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah, that's true.

[Stavros Halkias]

Get him a. A worker's permit. Why do you get like a hamster wheel and maybe. Maybe create clean energy that way? Yeah, hook the kid up to some electrodes.

[Dave Attell]

I'd like to watch him again this weekend. He's doing deck work.

[Sam Morril]

That guy did bring the energy of. You remember the. The guys who would muppet box at the Jizz, like at a show world or something. He had brought that, like, I don't have the best job in the world, let's face it. I made some mistakes. I mop floors with bleach after men enjoy themselves. I know you're saying standing $800 is a lot of money.

[Stavros Halkias]

To me, this like a tragic minor character in a Brian De Palma movie. He's like, you know what I mean? He really is the guy mopping up. Yeah, he's at the peep shows mopping it up.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah. I'm the last living bathroom attendant and

[Stavros Halkias]

I. Yeah, I can only. I can only sell so many mints on the black market.

[Sam Morril]

The price of mints.

[Dave Attell]

Colognes out towards $42.

[Sam Morril]

Hairspray for our Latino friends.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, man. Sorry. You're. Your brother's a piece of shit. You should force it. You should. You should, you know, appeal to the other members of your family. Shame will help in a situation like this.

[Dave Attell]

Shame?

[Sam Morril]

Oh, not Shane. Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't ask. Shane Gillis for 800. Shame with an M is very important here because I think this is the kind of thing that if the rest of your family finds out about. Like, if this happened in my family or one of my friends, for example, you know, babysit. If somebody eldest babysits somebody's kid and they did it to him and the guy didn't want to pay him, we would on him relentlessly so that he would know it's his fault. So I would say bring this up to the family. You know what I'm saying?

[Dave Attell]

Like, money's it will up relationships. Because it's. Because it feels like a respect, respect thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. And it's also like, I did you a favor watching your kid.

[Caller]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he like, if it's like he, you, he, your kid, me up. This is. This sucks.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, if he had like destroyed your tv, wouldn't you buy him a new tv? He basically did that.

[Sam Morril]

So would you, like. But I feel like he was physically afraid of the child. Like, it's like he's 70, he weighs 195 pounds. He's pure muscle. He is raging. He's always banging his head against, you know, it's like one of those things.

[Stavros Halkias]

He might be. Yeah, he might. What they're putting in the hormones these days.

[Sam Morril]

He put his head through a Legoland window. We are all terrified of him.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude. Sorry you had to deal with this little menace. Your brother's a.

[Sam Morril]

He's like in the bathroom quietly talking as he's like bounding like, come on, I want a snack.

[Stavros Halkias]

Give me a snack pack. Your card got declined, by the way. I'm out of lives on plain plants versus zombies.

[Sam Morril]

I'm not taking more of your pills. It's time for me to rage.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, there's not about a fun quick one to go out on a little buddy.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, God.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're done after this.

[Sam Morril]

No, no, please. I'm in. I don't think I'm helping much, but it's very interesting.

[Stavros Halkias]

You almost said it. You started saying enjoying. You're like, not helping.

[Sam Morril]

Well, no, I mean, we're here for the people, aren't we?

[Stavros Halkias]

Eldest.

[Caller]

Hey, Scott. I'm a 32 year old, gender fluid person with a beautiful, perky natural double be.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's what we like.

[Caller]

And I love sucking dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Salute.

[Caller]

This is the best one I've been having a lot of casual sex with. Well, I'm pansexual, so like all kinds of people.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nice.

[Caller]

But many of these people have dicks. Both CIS men and trans women.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cool. Respect, by the way. Pause this. I love someone who's. Who's suck dick first. I don't care who the cock's attached to. It could be attached to a guy, it could be attached to a trans woman, it could be attached to a non binary person. The point is, our friend with the perky tits here, they're sucking dick and I respect them for that.

[Sam Morril]

This woman is living the life that only Sean and Sean have I mean, are these calls coming from. They must all know each other. Is it the same comfort in. In a small town near an airport?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Our caller here keeps telling the story. It's like, and I'm trying to suck dick in my room, but my roommates won't stop these. All three of us, we needed a

[Dave Attell]

babysitting one to cleanse our pallet from all this dick sucking. This is crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, finish us up here.

[Caller]

LD And I've been hearing a lot. Wow, you're really good at that.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Caller]

When I'm going down on people with dicks to the point where I'm like, does that even mean anything?

[Stavros Halkias]

It does.

[Caller]

Do guys say that to everyone who sucks their dick?

[Dave Attell]

Yes.

[Caller]

Or am I actually really good at that?

[Stavros Halkias]

You. Let me tell you. You are.

[Caller]

Let me know what you think. I.

[Stavros Halkias]

You certainly are. You're. You're a rare talent.

[Dave Attell]

If you're good, I say you're really good. And if you're bad, I'm like, please stop.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's no.

[Dave Attell]

There's no. You know, there's no. You're bad at this.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right?

[Dave Attell]

There's either that's amazing or not. Let's do something else.

[Stavros Halkias]

Or you quickly move on to penetrative intercourse.

[Dave Attell]

Exactly. You get.

[Stavros Halkias]

You. You let them do their. For their self esteem. You let them suck your dick a little bit. You don't want them to think. You don't want them to have a complex about being bad at something.

[Dave Attell]

Your dick looks like a dog shoe. Toby. Like, no, it was good.

[Sam Morril]

Funny.

[Dave Attell]

Let's just. Let's move positions real quick and get me an ice pack.

[Stavros Halkias]

They half circumcised me while. While sucking me off. I had to go to the. I had to go to my urologist just to get it reattached. I have a negative. A reverse bris after I got my dick sucked.

[Dave Attell]

Wow.

[Sam Morril]

Anyway, I would love to be like, you ever go to like a Starbucks in the middle of the day and there's always like the people, the brooders. Like, is there someone like that? They're like, I wonder if I'm just awesome at sucking dick or are they just saying it? What's the bathroom code again here? This beautiful woman, just like, oh, man. You know, like spider man. You know, like a gift and a curse. But like the best dicks. I don't know if they really think so.

[Dave Attell]

I've had people tell me they're amazing at sucking dick. Who? I'm just like, friendly and I'm like, it's Just a weird thing to throw into a conversation.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Dave Attell]

Like. Well, now I'm wondering.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Well, I mean, you can't. You can't tell me you. You're the best at making, you know.

[Sam Morril]

Pancakes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, pancakes. Or a croc monure and not serve it to me afterwards.

[Dave Attell]

A woman who was my manager once told me she had a brain him. She's like, good luck finding the best blowjob again because I give it. And I was like, yeah, I don't think you should have told me that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Interesting.

[Sam Morril]

She's managing herself.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Starting. Yeah.

[Sam Morril]

Her good little swimmer sounds awesome.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, you sound sick. I. I love what you're up to. And you know, I will say yes. I think, I think getting that compliment over. I don't think everybody's getting that compliment. And I think you're just a talent and enjoy it. You look. Love it. They're. They're loving it. Yeah. This is. This is.

[Dave Attell]

This is not a problem again.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you know what? It was a fun one to go out on. And I also like that you. You put a. A perky, gender fluid person in our minds. Now I'm thinking about them. They're big ass titties.

[Dave Attell]

I'm thinking like Velma from Scooby Doo who sucks a mean dick.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe some blue hair, something cool. Maybe a cool piercing. And they're sucking all types of dick. And for that we salute you, our friend.

[Sam Morril]

Believe in yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Exactly. How low is your self esteem? Can't even. You don't even think you're good at sucking dick. You are. And we love that about you. Thank you to everyone who called in. Even the even people without huge tits that are good at sucking dick. We appreciate you. Dave, thank you for christening the studio.

[Sam Morril]

Oh, dude, what an honor, honestly. Great time both of you guys. My fave. So you guys. Always good times.

[Stavros Halkias]

And if for if somehow we have. We've gotten a lot of like YouTube people. A lot of people who aren't stand up first. If you haven't seen David Tom tell stuff. The best comic, true comic.

[Sam Morril]

Let me give you a taste of shadow puppets. I'm the best at Socrates.

[Dave Attell]

Hopefully I'm playing to a crowd full of Sean's.

[Sam Morril]

I can't wait.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thanks everybody. We will. We will see you next time. Bye. Bye.

[Caller]

Foreign.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's up, sports fans? I'm Rachel Dimita here to tell you about my show Courtside Club. If you love hoops and hot takes, then you're in the right place. Want to hear about Caitlin Clark's unstoppable rise in the wnba how stars like Wemby and Luka Doncic are dominating the NBA. Or maybe you just want the tea on this week's most viral sports moments. Don't worry, we'll keep you updated on

[Caller]

all all of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

So grab your popcorn and come hang with us courtside. You can listen to Courtside Club wherever you get your podcasts.

[Caller]

Ooey and Ah.

[Sam Morril]

Why have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet hamster Nibbles in our yard for me?

[Stavros Halkias]

Because I was so moved by how

[Sam Morril]

carefully he buried my electrical wires, I knew I could trust him to bury my sweet Nibbles after his untimely end. Huh.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nibbles gone too soon. May he skirt worry in peace.

[Sam Morril]

Hey, sorry about your pet, but I just wire stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Nibbles would have loved you like a brother. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over

[Dave Attell]

30 years, Angie the one you trust

[Stavros Halkias]

to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home [e-mail].