#187 - Matty Matheson

Summary

Stavvy’s World #187: Matty Matheson (June 29, 2026)

Episode Overview

In this hilarious and heartfelt episode, Stavros Halkias welcomes chef, actor, and Internet icon Matty Matheson to Stavvy’s World for their first in-depth conversation. The two bond over their shared experiences as proud "fat guys” who’ve successfully broken out of online obscurity into the broader world of entertainment, all while fielding advice calls from listeners about relationships, sex, and personal dilemmas. The episode blends classic Stavvy earnestness with Matty’s infectious energy and frankness, resulting in big laughs, real talk, and surprising emotional resonance.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Fat Guy Identity & Humor

• Stavros opens by joking about his “Mount Rushmore fat guy” guest, immediately connecting over their pride in their size and the comedic tools they've developed.
  • “I would say the most important identity to me is being fat.” – Stavros [02:30]
  • “If you’re fat, you’re funny. It does go hand in hand.” – Matty [02:48]
• Bonding over survival tactics: Both discuss using humor in childhood as armor against fat-shaming and exclusion.
  • “I’ve been getting attention through laughter my entire life.” – Matty [05:37]

2. Childhood Anecdotes and Early Shenanigans

• Matty shares stories of being the odd-man-out among siblings (“born with abs and big dicks”), being a class clown, and his first “outrageous” classroom attention grab (asking the teacher if she had crabs). [05:50]
• Stavros recalls snorting parmesan at youth group for attention, realizing the difference between being funny and becoming an embarrassment. [08:51]

3. Growing Up in Fort Erie

• Matty reflects on small-town life: The freedom, the mischief, unconventional childhoods, and returning home after major life changes.
  • “I grew up in a small town with really good friends…I’m still on a group chat with all my homies from high school.” – Matty [13:46]
  • “Fort Erie…border town to Buffalo…five strip clubs…16,000 people. Chinese restaurants, bingo halls, strip clubs.” – Matty [14:42]

4. Building Family & The Dream of Stability

• Matty talks about moving back to his hometown, “landing the plane,” and the contrast between wild youth and idyllic parenting.
  • “Both of my daughters were born on the farm…we have our forever home.” – Matty [17:32]
  • “There’s one elementary school in our town…kids riding bikes down dirt roads.” [18:01]
• Stavros jokes: “You just described the most trad [traditional] shit ever, but you did cocaine and have tattoos.” [18:22]

5. Farming, Food, & Culinary Passion

• Matty describes his vegetable farm:
  • “We grow for chefs…eggplants, kohlrabi, chicories…most seeds from Italy…one polytunnel of sungolds that taste like mangoes.” [20:23]
• Childhood food memories: Grandfather’s diner, lobster boils, the role of food in escaping poverty and forming identity.
  • “My love of restaurants is very connected just to looking back on it now.” – Matty [24:11]
  • “Eating for free…French fries, gravy, lobster, chowder…” [23:47]

6. Dreams of a Greasy Spoon & Food as Art

• Stavros and Matty share their greasy-spoon fantasy—running a classic neighborhood joint serving the idealized, perfected versions of beloved “low” foods (wings, cheesesteaks, chicken parm):
  • “The highest-end version of dog shit…that’s my whole life.” – Stavros [28:56]

7. Navigating Success in Media & Acting

• How luck, talent, and relationships shaped their careers:
  • “My whole career is: homie. People I was able to get in with.” – Matty [34:56, 35:10]
  • “It’s 90% of it, and being a good hang.” – Stavros [35:21]
• Acting anxiety: Both hilariously admit to being out of their depths on big acting gigs.
  • Matty on The Bear: “I never acted ever…I have no idea...” [42:06]
  • Stavros on Begonia: “My acting training is…an after school program for four months in Baltimore.” [40:28]
  • On fat actors: “Imagine being a classically trained fat guy and you have to see us be in movies. Sorry, guys, our socials are so strong they outweigh how bad we are.” – Matty [45:22, 45:27]

8. Parenting, iPad Kids, and Tech Anxiety

• Old-school parenting values: Matty rejects iPads in cars, encourages boredom and imagination.
  • “Look out the window. Be sad. Boredom creates imagination.” – Matty [48:10]
• Cultural shift: Both lament lack of safe “outdoor” community spaces for today’s kids, rise of digital pacifiers.
  • “Our iPad was just ‘go outside.’” – Matty [49:41]

9. Unfiltered Greek & Sexual Humor

• Diving into Greek history, sexuality, and outrageous riffs:
  • “You can’t love both ancient Greece and not love gay…that’s what the empire was.” – Stavros [50:55]
  • “Let’s go, 69!” – Matty, on Spartan battle orgies [51:06]

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Advice Calls: Notable Advice, Quotes & Moments

1. Young Man With A Crush (57:05)

Situation: Listener’s dilemma: how/when to ask out a coworker-friend on a Germany trip.

• Advice: Don’t build it up, be direct early, don’t rely on manufactured “perfect moments.”
  • “The quicker the better. If you just hit it off and you’re like, ‘would you like to get a drink?’, if she says no it’s really not a big deal.” – Stavros [59:17]
  • “Wait till the very end…‘can we go on a date when we get home?’ That’s even weirder.” – Matty [61:17]

2. The Catfishing Sugar Baby Twist (67:43)

Situation: Listener’s friend caught girlfriend sugar-dating; now he’s catfishing one of her “johns” for cash and using the money to take her out.

• Reaction: Utter disbelief and amusement; moral, psychic, and “twisted” logic debated.
  • “He’s keeping it twisted for sure.” – Stavros [72:36]
  • “Stop buying her stuff, buy yourself stuff, man!” – Stavros [73:48]
  • “Break up, go to therapy. Keep it just the right amount of twisted.” [74:04, 74:31]

3. Wide-Set Vagina Woes (76:14)

Situation: Woman asks if she can have fulfilling sex with “average” men, or if she’s doomed to unsatisfying lovemaking due to anatomical mismatch (based on exes calling her “loose”).

• Response: While crude, both are supportive: suggest being honest with desires and not shaming/being shamed for body differences (also, encouragement to try with this guy, but don’t settle if needs aren’t met).
  • “You should be honest with yourself. There’s a personality type for every hog.” – Matty [79:27]
  • “Don’t discount someone solely on cock size…that’s cock-size discrimination.” – Stavros [84:58]

4. “Should I Be the Trump Cosplay Streamer?” (85:57)

Situation: Small streamer gets big numbers impersonating Trump on Twitch, dislikes being pigeonholed.

• Message: Don’t chase algorithmic approval if it feels hollow; balance what you enjoy with what might grow a genuine audience.
  • “The thing that gets you the most attention is not the best thing…you don’t want to be the guy who orders hairnets for the rest of his life because the algorithm told you to.” – Stavros [89:52]
  • “You’re the algorithm’s bitch. Go put on that orange face paint…” [93:15]
  • “Break free…go, go.” – Matty [95:39]

5. Oil Rig Stripper Dad Callback [98:45+]

Situation: Listener updates the saga: turns out all four sex-worker pregnancies were his, only one on child support, others co-parenting; dumped the racist, now raising kids and working offshore. - “You have four kids that are the same age, but she’s the one who looks fucking dumb.” – Stavros [100:34] - “This is the story that could save America. He's actually a dirtbag who isn’t racist but appears racist—which, you know, you could argue both of us are the same thing.” – Stavros [103:44]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being underestimated for their looks:

  “Everything we’ve done, working so hard in our respective fields, is to give it away—to be treated like a man with a big dick.” – Stavros [03:50]

• On finding success:

  “You have to cheat the Reaper to do it as well. Dude, I’ve stared into the sun long enough. I’ve seen it.” – Matty [19:09]

• On finding fulfillment after chaos:

  "It is one of those things…you can suck in your youth and you can still end up on this farm.” – Stavros [18:39]

• On modern internet clownery:

  “You don’t want to be the guy who orders hairnets for the rest of his life because the algorithm told you.” – Stavros [89:52]

• On creative integrity:

  "When you start is when you’re supposed to be out of pocket. Imagine how much dick Cometown would have sucked if we had to censor things for the algorithm…” – Stavros [95:40]

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [02:30] – “Being Fat” as identity and comedy
• [05:43] – Childhood class clown stories
• [13:46] – Returning to a small town, raising kids
• [17:32] – Building a “forever home” and cliche country life
• [20:23] – Details on farming & crops
• [23:41] – Food memories, family diner stories
• [28:56] – The best “high-low” food creations
• [34:56] – The role of luck and friendship in success
• [40:28] – Imposter syndrome in acting and Hollywood
• [42:06] – First time acting, confusion and vulnerability
• [48:10] – Rejecting iPads, championing boredom and outdoors
• [50:55] – Greek history, sexuality, and pride
• [57:05] – Advice: Should listener ask out coworker in Germany?
• [67:43] – Advice: Catfishing sugar daddy, ethical spiral
• [76:14] – Advice: Wide-set vagina, concerns about sexual compatibility
• [85:57] – Advice: Becoming an "algorithm jail" Trump impression streamer
• [98:45] – Callback: Oil rig father with four stripper baby mamas

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Overall Energy & Tone

The episode is classic Stavvy—irreverent, self-deprecating, and relentlessly funny—yet full of sincere advice and moments of unexpected depth. Both Stavros and Matty blend raunchy humor with real-life wisdom, illustrating the shared creative spirit and vulnerability that’s driven their success. Even during the dirtiest riffs or when settling into serious questions, the “good hang” ethos shines through, making this essential listening for new and longtime fans alike.

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If you want to understand what Stavvy’s World is about, this is the episode: fat pride, food reverence, acting panic, algorithm anxiety, and advice for dirtbags—all delivered with loving, absurd, and brutally honest camaraderie.

Transcript

[Stavros Halkias]

Illumination.

[Matty Matheson]

Minions and monsters. You want to make a monster movie? And what are you going to use

[Stavros Halkias]

for your monster this Wednesday?

[Matty Matheson]

I know the perfect monster for your movie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Just try not to look too delicious.

[Matty Matheson]

Quick question.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to eat one of these funny looking yellow guys.

[Matty Matheson]

Is that okay?

[Stavros Halkias]

Minions and monsters rated pg. Parental guidance suggested some material may not be suitable for children. Only in theaters Wednesday. Hey, everybody.

[Matty Matheson]

Ted Danson here today tell you about my podcast with my longtime friend and sometimes co host Woody Harrelson.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's called where everybody knows your name and we're back for another season.

[Matty Matheson]

I'm so excited to be joined this

[Stavros Halkias]

season by friends like John Mulaney, David

[Matty Matheson]

Spade, Sarah Silverman, Ed Helms, and many more. You don't want to miss it. Listen to where everybody knows your name with me, Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson sometimes, wherever you get your podcasts.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hello, everybody. We have an incredible episode coming to you right now with Matty Matheson, one of my favorites, a Mount Rushmore fat guy. I love Matty so much. His videos are delectable. I love that he's all over getting. He's another guy from the Internet that is inexplicably getting to be in movies. And we have a real kinship there as fat guys who've escaped the Internet. You're gonna love this episode. We love it, too. But before that, we just want to let you know we are wrapping up the Dreamboat. Hopefully, as long as I don't get in any other accidents. Tomorrow I am in Seattle, Washington. We have tickets still available to the late show Atlantic City on 7:3, the eve of Fourth of July. I'm then in Montclair, New Jersey on July 10th and Huntington, New York, Strong Island, July 11th. And then, of course, we are filming the Special in Baltimore, July 18th and 19th, Saturday and Sunday. There are still some tickets available to the late show on Sunday. Come on, come on, let your hair down. Don't you want to be involved in a special taping? Either way, we can't wait to see you there on the road and enjoy this, enjoy this episode, huh? What do you say with our pal Matty Matheson? Welcome, everybody, to Stavley's World. 904-800. Stop, call in. We'll solve all your problems. We are pumped to have on the couch for the first time, Matty Matheson. Matty, thanks for being here.

[Matty Matheson]

Hey, it's an absolute pleasure.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is huge. You know, I would say for my life, I would say the most important identity to me is being fat.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes, truly.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like yeah. The older I get. Comedian. It's really embarrassing because it's like comedian and fat. Yeah. My two identities. If you're fat, you're funny, that matter to me. Yeah. And it does go hand in hand.

[Matty Matheson]

Absolutely it does.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know if you had that experience as a youth using being fun and funny to deflect.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The fact that you were the fattest kid in.

[Matty Matheson]

Well, my brothers, I'm in the mid. I have a. Four siblings or three siblings. My sister's older than. I have two brothers. They were born with abs and big dicks.

[Elders]

Wow.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, and then, and then, and then, and then big dogs over here, big dogs over here in the middle. I'm like, like, where, where's my dad? You know that gene pool. That's the thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like I have a, I have a brother who was always more handsome. But. Yeah. Fatherhood is taking a toll on you know what I mean? Like, like he is, he's, he's getting into, you know, he, he as a middle. He's still a handsome middle aged man, but it wasn't like he wasn't an Adonis to have two brothers. Two brothers, hung and jacked.

[Matty Matheson]

But also like both. Like my one brother collects junk for a living and you know, just bought him a new truck.

[Stavros Halkias]

But wouldn't you trade at all for a big deal?

[Elders]

I know.

[Matty Matheson]

I like, I would love to live with mom and dad still and have just a hog. Let's be honest, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

All of this.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Everything we've done, working so hard in our respective fields is to give it away. To be treated like a man with a big dick.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is how hard you have to work. You have to get. I feel like, you know, speaking for myself, you're very talented, but speaking for myself too, it's like I feel like I hit a lottery.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like there's no. Like I could have had a good career in comedy, but I'm way too successful.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have to not only be kind of good at what you do. Yeah. You also have to get insanely lucky.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then you get treated like a handsome man with a hog.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get treated very well now. Now, now it's nice. Now it's nice. People open doors for me. I can walk into any restaurant, get a table.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, but that probably does because I feel like for me, the thing was two things happen when you're, you know, when you're a fat child. Yes. Who, who needs a skill to be respected. Yeah. At first you're like, oh, they're only. It's only because I'm funny. It's only because I'm entertaining. It's only because I make the fucking best food in the world. But then you realize part of it is just some women just need to find out about you.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they do want to fuck a guy that looks like this.

[Matty Matheson]

Oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, and that's been the coolest part of it.

[Matty Matheson]

Start sucking on my taste.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, the first time I got a titty suck on my own, it was wild, dude. Because it blows your mind. You're like, whoa, I didn't even think about.

[Matty Matheson]

Get over here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Think about these possibilities.

[Matty Matheson]

Mommy wants her some other milk, you know? Yeah. It's nice. Get over here. I want to see what it's like. Yeah.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, I want to see what it's like.

[Stavros Halkias]

Was your first, Were you like a class? Like, what was your first? Like, kind of.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because if you, if you grow up around, you know, if you got like, you're the middle child, you're. Yeah. Your baby brothers are pieces of ass. Yeah. You know, you're in, you're in Canada. What's the, what's the, like, is that what starts. Like, you're just a class clown in, like, elementary school or whatever?

[Elders]

For sure.

[Matty Matheson]

I, I, I've, I've, I've been getting attention through laughter my entire life.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hell, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, like, I remember, I think I was in grade four was the first time I got, like, kicked out of class.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

I asked my teacher, I. It's one of those things when you're a kid and you don't know what anything is. Of course, somehow I asked my teacher if she had crabs, you know, and I'm just like, I still don't know what crabs are.

[Stavros Halkias]

No one's asked crabs, of course.

[Matty Matheson]

You know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course.

[Matty Matheson]

Just pube cube crabs.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And I remember at, in grade four, and it was just like, like, you know, getting dragged out, you know, back in the 90s, you'd get like, you know, dragged out of class for anything.

[Stavros Halkias]

A little light child abuse.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Like, yeah. So I think it was like that I, you know, just blurting that out because somebody, you know, maybe my brother said something, you know, like, it's, I forget what it was, but I just remember being in, like, grade four and just asking in front of the class.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Everyone starts laughing. Nobody knows what it is. And then I'm getting attention. I'm getting kicked out of class.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And then, and then it was just like, from there on it was just jokes and jokes and jokes and building that speed and building that. That comfortability. And like, my brothers, they were the crew. Like, they. I was the middle child. They liked video games. They're. They liked Creed. Yeah. They had zero subculture, you know? Like, it was like, again, you have

[Stavros Halkias]

to know about subtext. When your dick is big, you can. Like, they're free like, those. You're free. You're free to, like, the. Whatever bullshit's on the radio. You're free to play fucking Sonic and not think about Gran Turismo. What are you doing?

[Matty Matheson]

You and your friends are coming over. You're doing Gran Turismo all weekend.

[Elders]

Sick.

[Matty Matheson]

I'm going to. I don't know, go jerk off in the woods.

[Elders]

Of course.

[Matty Matheson]

Of course.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. So that's a fun. That's a fun one to just, like. You have to figure out your own shit. I remember. I. I remember a fat. There was a. There's a turning point where I was just like, all right, I should stop embarrassing myself, because that also. When you're like, do these people respect me? Is it there? That's a. That's a big turning point as a fat child. I remember when I was in maybe sixth grade, and it was like. Sorry, grade six.

[Matty Matheson]

Grade six.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sorry. Let me translate.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know if you figured it

[Matty Matheson]

out, but French, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Where I. And I went to, like, a Greek. Greek Orthodox church.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which sounds. It says.

[Matty Matheson]

Or it's medieval. It's still medieval.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's cool as fuck. Yeah. Stained glass is beautiful.

[Elders]

The.

[Stavros Halkias]

The icons are legitimately beautiful works of art. Yeah. I have my saint name, my. You know, the saint. I have the icon of Stavros. Yeah. In my house. Just because I'm not super religious. But it's a. It's so nice. And it reminds me of, you know, growing up, but it's the chillest religion with Orthodox in it. Everything else is. Orthodox is, like, strict, as we've seen that.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, absolutely. And these. And so we would have, like, you know, I was in the Greek Orthodox Youth of America. Nice, strong. Strong Goya. You know, it had a nice. A nice ring to it. And they would have, like, little mixers for us. And I remember straight up snorting parmesan cheese.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

For attention.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And everybody loving it. But I think I know what Dave Chappelle felt when he heard that cameraman laugh too much and he had to go to Africa.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I felt that at that moment where

[Matty Matheson]

I Was like too much.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm an embarrassment to the plus size community. I'm snorting chees for. For the entertainment of the kids who are gonna go hook up with each other.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna go home, I'm gonna play, you know, beach. Dead or alive. Beach volleyball.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, with a. With a nose full of, you know, Reggiano. It wasn't even Parmesan.

[Matty Matheson]

No, it's just straight red, straight reg. Give me that uncut reg. Give me that uncut reg. I'm snorting it. I'm getting laughs. I'm gonna go home and vomit. I'm gonna go be sad alone and vomit with a nose full of reg.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Just. Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

Doing this for a weekend, you know, like so, you know, there's a moment where you turn it around, but you gotta, you know, you gotta. And that was a fun thing too, because that was our, our church youth group was the first time, like I got up, like, you know, you're drinking in the basement of your church.

[Matty Matheson]

It's incredible.

[Stavros Halkias]

I grabbed titties in my church. The Greek festival. That was, I believe that was my sophomore year. Sophomore year of high school. Great stuff. Yeah. Big drought after that. It was the Lord. It went from, lord, let me touch a titty. And I was like, wow.

[Matty Matheson]

And then you're like, you're gonna virgin for a long time. You want to do that in my basement?

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You want to do that in my basement? Well, no more.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's where I keep my old stuff.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

That's where we keep our pain and shame.

[Stavros Halkias]

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[Matty Matheson]

Oh, the mischief started early. We were, we were mischievous.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm guessing you got like a, A very amateur tattoo at a very young age.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, I got, Well, I got, I got a dump. Like, my first tattoo is like this armband thing on my arm. But that was because I went. I ended up going to a Catholic high school. Okay. Because I didn't. We, you know, I wasn't. I did. I got kicked out of the first high school.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right. Right.

[Matty Matheson]

And then like, my brother was. He was a bit of a troublemaker. I was a bit of a troublemaker. I did something pretty dumb. And they're like, we're not gonna. And then they knew that there was another one. My, My younger brother, he didn't make it through grade nine. He went straight into construction. He wouldn't, he wasn't built for. He wasn't built for academia, you know, but. And also, like, we didn't know what autism was back then, you know, so he's just.

[Stavros Halkias]

That, that put a nail in.

[Matty Matheson]

Dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Straight as on the construction site.

[Matty Matheson]

We still don't know if he has autism. He's got something though. He's touched by God.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, but the. The. The. Yeah. Like, it was just, like, stupid tattoos and, you know, just. Just. I'm lucky. I grew up in a small town.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Matty Matheson]

With. With really good. I am still, like, I'm on a group chat with all my homies from high school. Me and my, like, white, my wife, we moved back and our son Mack, when he was two years old to our hometown. Like, we left Toronto seven years ago. 8. And we live down there now. And it's just. It's incredible. Like, it is incredible because it is. We're playing little league.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And so, like, me and my buddy George, our sons are playing on the same diamond. And we're sitting there, you know, we got our chairs and we're sitting there. It is so crazy. We used to play baseball here, and now we're watching our kids play baseball here. And me and George are like, well, yeah, I don't want to blast George, but we're like, hopefully our kids don't get as fucked up as we got up, you know, because it is. Is like small town. Like, we are running around. And also my town was so amazing. Like, Fort Erie was such a great town. Border town to Buffalo, New York.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Matty Matheson]

So. So, like, you know, before 9 11, we could rip across with our driver's licenses, go get beer, go to the bars there. Great punk hardcore scene there. But our town was all like, we had five strip clubs. And like, our town's like 16,000 people at that time. And so, like, Chinese restaurants, bingo halls, strip clubs. And so, like, just going to the bar was. We were just go to. First time I ever went to a bar, we went shout out to the gtr. It ain't there no more. But the GTR was like being a kid, like, you know, my legs shaking. Of course, first time in a bar, I use my older brother's his fake id. He's not even old enough to go to the bar. We go in, we get in, I get a beer. You know, just giving women that smell like vanilla fields, like cookies, you know, they smell like. Everyone smells like Cinnabon. Of course, you know, and I'm just giving money to. To people being like, you don't have to do this. You know, like, being a child. Of course, thinking back on, I was just like, you know, like 15 or 16, and I'm just like, just looking like a fat, sweaty child, just drinking the bat blue. Just like, dude being like, who's got bumps? Like, what's going on over here? You know? Oh, man. That chick. I don't even know what that's. That's a C section. What's a C section? You know, like, it's just like. But it was an incredible town, and it is an incredible town, and it is more than just strip clubs. I don't. You know, it's an incredible town.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

It's improved. We got, like, Arby's now. It's big.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

It came into town a little bit ago.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Hell, yeah. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Beef and cheddars. Yeah. Like, Fort Erie was an incredible town to grow up. Lots of woods, lots of, like, you know, stupid ass with a bunch of kids ripping around a lot of old factories, throwing rocks that.

[Stavros Halkias]

I love that.

[Matty Matheson]

And just, like, getting up, riding around on BMXs. We're also on the lake, so like, every summer, it's just, like, hanging out on the lake.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sick.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Yeah. So it is just. It was. It was amazing. All my friends are my homies still. I love them very much. Our group chat is like. It's funny because they as. They're older, like, they're like. We were all, like, the kids that listen to, like, punk music, and, like, we were whatever, like, that crew of kids in that town. And like, now everyone's just old, and they're like, maddie, can you guys, like, Bill's tickets?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, like, the group chat is mostly around me getting them tickets. Of course. Of course. You know, but they're still, like. They're my brothers for life.

[Stavros Halkias]

But that's beautiful, man. And that's, like, I do think about. That's the kind of advantage of. That's the perfect setup where you are near a big, awesome city. Yeah. But you can live out, like, I'm. I always am Sad. Baltimore isn't 90 minutes from New York. Yeah. Because I love Baltimore, but four hours is just.

[Matty Matheson]

It's a long time.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's a little far. But I know that feeling of, you know, like, my brother just had a kid, and it's like, friends of my. One of my best friends. She has two kids, and I don't get to see them enough. And I'm just like. Like, there's. There's something nice to be able to, like, dip. Dip into both, you know?

[Matty Matheson]

It's incredible. Like, we have. It's a crazy thing. Like, I'm like, we have our forever home, you know, we have this place, this farm that, like, our children, like, both of my daughters were born on the farm, you know? Like, Trish is like. She's a dog. Like, she's like, Three. Three home births. And like it is this thing where like they were born there and it's just like we have this place that is like so special and I just love being there. It is like a cliche. Like there's one elementary school in our town.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, our kids are like riding bikes down dirt roads and like having fun and like, you know, it is one of the. When I, when the kids come to the city, I have to be like, like make sure we look. We're looking both ways and like there's people here, there's cars, there's the bikes.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're.

[Matty Matheson]

They're ripping by on bikes and like, I don't know. But it is funny because my kids are still so like just like whatever. Country kids.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's cute, man. Yeah, yeah, it's very, it's very funny. It's also funny to think about like all this like trad shit that's going around now. Yeah. Where people like, you have to be racist and your wife. You know what I mean? It's like you just described the most trad. Your wife didn't you gave birth on a farm.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like, yeah, you can do cocaine in different parts of your life, have this many tattoos and still go to a. Like that's what's beautiful about it. It's just so funny that people have co opted something that's just nice and a thing to do when you're a little older and it's like that's a lesson everybody. You can suck and in your youth and you can still end up on this farm.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. You can still land it.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can still, you could absolutely land it.

[Matty Matheson]

You can land and land the plane.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got to be really lucky. I mean you gotta be really lucky eight different times.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have to cheat the reaper to

[Matty Matheson]

do it as well. Dude, I've stared into the sun long enough. You know, I've seen it. Yeah, I've seen it. You know, like it is a crazy thing. Like, like, like also like I lived in Toronto for like 18 years and it was just like I never thought like I would ever leave Toronto and I never thought. And then we had a kid and then also like I come from a very working class family and like when we, I got to a place where I was like, I could afford a house but I couldn't afford a mortgage, you know, so I couldn't like, I'm like, I'm not getting a 500 square foot condo. I'm not doing that. And so like that forced us. I was just like, okay, well, maybe we look elsewhere. And then I started looking, like, around Toronto. And then I was home, like, one Thanksgiving, and I was like, just bishing about everything. I was like, you could get a mansion for the cost of a condo in Toronto. And then, like, I found this, like, kind of clapped out farm, and I was just like, I'm buying this farm.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And it turned into, like, just like that. Like, I. I was just like, dude, Trish, this is it. And she's just like, it needs a septic tank and it needs a. It needs a lot of stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

I was just like, we'll get there. We'll get there. But I'm like, now the farm is tight.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Dude, would you. Are we talking livestock, too?

[Matty Matheson]

No. Livestock, no. Because we got tons of deer and weasels and skunks and ra raccoons.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay.

[Matty Matheson]

But we have, like, a giant farm. Like, we have a farm called Blue Goose Farm. And so, like, that we have. We grow. You know, it's almost like two acres of vegetable beds. So we. Our whole backyard is literally just a giant farm. A vegetable farm.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's incredible.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

What's the. What's the finest crop you've gotten?

[Matty Matheson]

I think it's, like, it's funny.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, we're.

[Matty Matheson]

We grow a lot of vegetables for, like, chefs and restaurants, and we want to grow, like, very interesting, robust vegetables. We're not growing, like, stupid micro herbs and, like, wax. We wanted to grow, like, like kohlrabi and, like, really beautiful chicories and like, all this. Cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

How about a nice eggplant, dude?

[Matty Matheson]

Beautiful eggplant.

[Stavros Halkias]

We got.

[Matty Matheson]

And we get all of our seeds. We get most of our seeds from Italy. So Keenan's parents, they. They. They. They go to Italy all the time, and they always bring back seeds and stuff. And so, like, a lot of our seeds for our tomatoes, our eggplant, some peppers, all these things. A lot of our cheries and lettuces also are all coming from Italy. And.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

But, like, also, like, we have this one polytunnel that is legitimately just filled with sungolds and so, like, walking out.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Matty Matheson]

At the. The height of summer and legitimately just so beautiful. Grabbing handfuls of, like, sun gold tomatoes and eating those, and they taste like mangoes or persimmons. And you're just like, this is unreal. Like, it is the best.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's beautiful. What was the would do? You was there, like, one little dish as a fat child you made that you were like, I could get into this you know what I mean? Like, was there a. Was there a moment where you were like, did you put something together? Was there like a. You know what I mean? Like, was that.

[Matty Matheson]

Well, it was like one of my, like my grandfather, he had a restaurant.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, cool.

[Matty Matheson]

So he had a restaurant. Prince Edward Island.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And so like. And he lived in like, there was like a little apartment behind it and it was like an old like diner home, home style, like full diner. And they made everything fresh. They made fresh dinner rolls and chowders. And it's in the Maritimes, so it is like, like all fresh seafood, lobster, turkey dinner every day, you know, club sandwiches. And also there was like a soda pop shop kind of thing. So they had like an ice cream shop and milkshakes. And so, like, going there, I grew up like very like, religious also and. And like, grew up Mormon. And so like, we never. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You. You John Smith. John Smith. Get the out of here, you crazy dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I mean, I'm some of the best, but it is the best rebel from a over the top, you know what I mean? Like, yeah. Shout out to ex Mormon girls.

[Matty Matheson]

Hey, pretty cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Soak this.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, I don't have bed sheets.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let's get the Super Soaker out, baby.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, but. Okay, but yeah, like, it was just like, I think going to my grandfather's restaurant like every summer whenever we would go. And he had a Winnebago in the parking lot. So we would like sleep in the Winnebago or we would sleep on air mattresses or in the like banquettes in the soda pop shop. So we would have to wake up early and just like go outside and play. You know when you just have to go outside and play. And so, like, we would like, wake up because they would open like at like 7am or whatever and serve breakfast and all that. But like, going there, it would be like, amazing because we didn't have to. Once again, like, growing up, not going to restaurants and being like, very working class or, you know, slightly poor.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Eating for free and getting like some French fries. Gravy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Eating like lobster.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Matty Matheson]

And like, we would do these like big lobster boils in the driveway and like having fresh mussels and all this seafood and go clam digging and just like all that kind of was something where I was just like, I grew up eating all of that. That stuff in the driveway. And yeah, just like, I think my love of restaurants is very connected just to looking back on it now.

[Stavros Halkias]

How could it not be? It's an escape from, like some being poor.

[Matty Matheson]

Never having like a pop till I'm like 13, you know, having to read, not being able to, like, even see Simpsons. So I was like a teenager.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, dude.

[Matty Matheson]

Just watching Bambi. Like Bambi, but they cut out the

[Stavros Halkias]

part where the mom dies.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That makes no sense.

[Matty Matheson]

They fast forward. They're like, can't watch that. I was only allowed to watch PG was crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, man. I bet you you could. Maybe when. When Jasmine came out in the red. In the red.

[Matty Matheson]

Who Framed Roger Rabbit? That was real. That's real.

[Stavros Halkias]

Those two, for me, truly explain my entire. I mean, dude, I've said it before. I think who Framed Roger Rabbit explains basically my entire life. I watched that in another movie. I forgot I was. I was just on another podcast. We were talking about this, but who Framed Roger Rabbit? And then, Then my mom worked at a Greek restaurant. And if I waited Saturday, if I stayed up late, she sometimes came home with leftover calamari. And that's when I started watching SNL as a little ass kid. Right. Like, I'm. This is like I'm. I was born in 89. This is like, truly, I'm 4 or 5 years old. Yeah. And I don't remember if that was the Sandler years or if they had just been canned, but it was like the Will Fairlie's. Whatever. Yeah. Seeing that, it's like food comedy and like, you know, knowing that a woman you love could come back with snacks at the end.

[Matty Matheson]

Calamari, A late night calamari.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, calamari

[Matty Matheson]

watching. Yes. That's fantastic.

[Stavros Halkias]

To this. So that. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Where it's like, yeah, that was your escape. So you're like, yeah, restaurants rock. Yeah, I. Because I. The one I just remember, I have a very, you know, I have a real memory of. Of like being finally being left unattended in the basement where our kitchen was. Right. And there was a tv. Like a little shitty, you know, like antenna tv. Yeah. And I could watch like, you know, but had a vhs, right. So I could watch some. Some via. When my parents. Because my mom wanted to raise us strict. But like, you know, they both work jobs. We grew up in Baltimore City. Like, you just go to your friend's house and watch, you know, pornography. Like, but so when my mom would leave, I would just be like, I remember being like 11 or 12 and having free reign of the kitchen and just popping in some, you know, watching either. Like, I watch a lot of the PJs. Remember that one? The The Claymation. Eddie Murphy. It was so fucking funny. And I remember watching the PJs and making a. A four decker ham and cheese where I soaked each piece in butter.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

And fried each piece of bread.

[Matty Matheson]

That's amazing.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then I fucking. And then I made a melt on each and I just kind of fused three separate sandwiches with cheese.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that to me was like, this is all. That to me was like, fuck yeah, dude. And I really. I mean, I have the thing of like my dream is literally having a fucking like greasy spoon someday and just work it, you know, sometimes working the grill, but a lot of times being up front.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

How we doing?

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

She's getting so big knowing everybody in the neighborhood. You know what I mean? Like, to me that's what. I can't wait to maybe like, like live on a beach town somewhere and have one of those restaurants and check in with the locals. That's. That's what I'm. I don't know where it's gonna be. Yeah. I have no idea. I don't know.

[Matty Matheson]

I dream of that. Like just having a restaurant where I actually cook at it again.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. You know, like I was like talking to somebody and they're like, so are you sick of restaurants? I'm like, no, I'll never be sick of. I love restaurants more than anything.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

But I was just like, I would like. I'm like, like we do have like an Italian restaurant in our hometown now. And so like we have like Rizzo's House of Parm. And I was like, it's this Italian joint. It's sick and it pumps and. And I was just like, I kind of want to just have like a place that makes like chicken wings. Yeah. And like like cheesesteaks and like just like something that I could like bang out and have fun. Like, like, you know, tray pizza and beautiful wings and cheesesteaks. Like just, you know, like it is like a thing. Like I dream about just having great bar food, but like not a bar. Totally just open at 9:00am oh, that's.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, I saw a short, a YouTube short of you making the stinger. Yeah. Came up and my dick got hard, dude. I mean, that was unbelievable because it was like, first of all, you show the, the sandwich and it's a cheesesteak plus a buffalo.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Chicken.

[Stavros Halkias]

Chicken tender sub. Which.

[Matty Matheson]

It's incredible.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's innovation. But then I'm like, that's good enough.

[Matty Matheson]

Go together.

[Stavros Halkias]

I thought you were gonna like go to a, like, place and buy the best and then you get actual chicken breasts. I see you slice that up, I'm like, like, that's the best. Like, if I had to. If I had to sort of distill what I'm looking for in everything. Yeah. It's the highest end version of dog shit.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's my whole life. That's my low. I love low culture, but I love the best version of it. I love the best shitty action. Like the over the top action movies. And there is artisanship to making now some people do it. It's a fine line. Right. Because you don't want to be the. So many fucking dickheads would be, you know, make a cheesesteak and overdo it and be like, it's, you know, whatever the fuck. Or you, you, you get the bread is like too fancy. Or the, the. The brioche epidemic that has died. Thank God. That was destroying burger culture for a while. Those fluffy buttery ass buns get the fl. Am I eating fucking dessert or am I eating a burger?

[Matty Matheson]

I don't want a donut. I don't want a donut.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want a donut in a different context. You know what I mean? I don't. I exactly. I do not want to fucking top my delicious meat with. With a donut. And I'm. I love just doing the platonic ideal. Yeah. Of the. Of the things. Of the comfort foods that are so near and dear to my heart that I literally. You see, I was like, that's. That's beautiful. That's symbolic right there, dude.

[Matty Matheson]

Buffalo. Buffalo, New York. I think it's like an underrated, like, food city where it doesn't get a lot of love, but it's also like they got the stinger and I'm just like, it. It's. They're not known for cheesesteaks. They're not. They're known for wings.

[Elders]

Sure.

[Matty Matheson]

And there is fantastic spots that have real ass wings. But it is like that stinger thing is just something that's so unreal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And I just like making it. And then like, I made it at home too, because Mac is like, you know, he's. He's 10 and he. He, like, he's a big dog. I call him Little Big Dog. So, like, Little Big Dog, he loves like a burger and like everything. And I made him a chopped cheese. And he's like, this is incredible. I was just like, dude, check this out. It's a chopped cheese. But then we're putting chicken fingers in it. He's like, what is going on? And he's like, d, Stinger. Make a stinger. But I want to bring them to, you know, because like there's a lot of places and like Jim Stakeout in Buffalo is one of the places that you can go and get like that kind of. But it is like, like I was there recently and I was at a show and there was a gyms across the street and we all. I was like, let's go get stingers. And we all went and got a stinger and we just ate it. And then, and then you're just like, like you're. Oh yeah, it's. You're, you're.

[Stavros Halkias]

You're transcended, dude. Yeah. That's the only time I know.

[Matty Matheson]

You're like in the movie the Cell, you' you know, you're denom freeo in the cell.

[Stavros Halkias]

Fucking absolute. I'm at peace in there. I mean, I've always said the best feeling of all time for me. Yeah. Is the like anywhere from seven to 20 minutes. Yeah. Before what you've eaten catches up with. Yeah. That's the best. When I've had the most fucked up meal of all time. Where it's like, you know, a pizza,

[Matty Matheson]

you know, the best meal of all time. 20 wings.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Like. Like a real dirt bag.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Fries.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like you know, just when you get that, when you get the appetizer sampler for yourself.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes. It's like just a couple of. A couple poppers. Couple. Couple wings, you know. Spinach dip.

[Stavros Halkias]

Of course. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, artichoke dip or whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

Dip. Cuz you don't get that fe. That feeling has to happen on your couch.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Cuz when that feeling happens in a chair in a restaurant, in a leather chair. That's bad.

[Matty Matheson]

Big, big plastic cup of like, you know, root beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know like Pizza Hut cups.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, the red ones.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, those are, those are the one. Those are, those are the ones.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I need that on my couch. Cuz like when it happens in a restaurant, it feels like you just nutted

[Matty Matheson]

and like, you know, it feels like

[Stavros Halkias]

nutting in your pants at a strip club.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. You're scared. I'm scared. I got to get home. Yeah. How am I getting home? I'm scared. I can't hear. Like you, you can't hear at all. You're just like.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like a bomb went off in a World War II movie.

[Matty Matheson]

You look down, you have no hands.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, no feet in this case.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Yeah. The gout's gone. The go go. I got go.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, that's Fucking awesome, dude. Do you. Is that something you like? Because I feel that way with standup too, where it's like, you know, I started doing standup when I was 19 because I loved it and I didn't want to do anything else. And flash forward now shit's going good, but I feel like I spend like 10% of my time doing standup. And, like, you know, I've weirdly become like, how the fuck did I become a guy who runs a business? How did I become a guy who runs a successful media company?

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, like, that's my job now. And I do. It's not that I resent it, because it's awesome. And so much cool has. Is. Has happened as a result. Yeah. But sometimes I do miss the days of, like, all you have to worry about is waking up and doing stand up. Do you feel about cooking? Is that how you're. Is that.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do. Like, I was hap. That's the thing. Like, I recently, I was just like, man, I wish I could just have a restaurant where I could go to it. And I do. Like, that's the thing. I'm saying that I'm like, I'm sure there's people at the restaurants being like, anytime you want to come at it, you know, like, oh, cool. They're like, you're on Toy Story. Like, I got a text. Like, my one chef texted me. He's doing, like, this, like, dinner, special dinner with the chef from out of town. And like, he's texting me stuff and, like, texting me a photo of the menu and some. Some mise en place. I'm like, oh, man, that's so sick. He's like, what are you doing? I, like, send a picture of, like, me and Joan Cusack. And he's just like, cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sorry. IO's teaching me a dance.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, I got.

[Stavros Halkias]

I gotta get that.

[Matty Matheson]

I just. I'm on Broadway with Bernthal, watching the Knicks. I'm actually watching the Knicks with Bernie and Evan. We're about to, like, run through Times Square naked nuns. It's like, we're good, you know, like, yeah, yeah, that's. But it is, like, I do think it is. As you build these things and they're dreams you'd never dreamt. Like, I was just like. I just like, when everyone's like, did you ever dream of this? And I was just like, no, I never. I was just like, I wanted to be a chef. I wanted to be a chef my whole life. I became a chef when I was like, 26.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And I. My first restaurant when I was 26. And then like, every. Like, it is a crazy thing. And now I'm here doing this, and it is this crazy thing where I'm like, yo, this is just opportunity. This is friends, like, everything. Like, everyone's like, how did you even get on the bear? And I'm like, well, Chris was my homie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, he called me because I was friends with Coco, who's the chef, who's his sister.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Matty Matheson]

And it is like that thing where I'm just like, everyone's. I'm always just like, yo, I didn't, like, trip and fall on. I was like, this is just. My whole career is like, homie.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Matty Matheson]

That I was able to get in and like, add.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And that's the thing is they're talking about, like, being good at it and being funny and being like, me and good inning. Yeah. Like, it's 90 of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's. It's.

[Matty Matheson]

Dude, it's more than 90 of it. It's just like, I'll hang with people that are duds. Be like, my coattails are strong. Just be around. Come, Come around. I want you around.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, like, it is one of those things where it is like, I do all these things. And even, like, during the pandemic, at the height of like. Like, like, I started a podcast, and then we did the podcast, and then I couldn't travel, and I was trying to, like, green screen and be like, video. And I was like, this isn't it anymore, right? And I love two Tone and was amazing, but I was just like, yo, if I can't be there and feel this, like, this is the worst. So then I had to, like, step away and it. But even during that time, like, it's so funny. People think, like, people are like, you should like. I'm always told by not comedians, you should do standup. And I'm like, absolutely not.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's so not worth it, dude. It's like you have every good part of stand up without having to do the.

[Matty Matheson]

I'm doing all this stuff. Comedians, you after, you know, I'm like, I don't want to go back. But it is like, one of those things where I just saw this clip and it was like, Tracy Morgan was talking about funny versus comedy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right?

[Matty Matheson]

And I was just. I was just like, oh, that. Like, I never saw that clip before. And I'm sure a lot of people have seen that clip or whatever, but I was just like, oh, I've always been And I watched it. I was like, oh, that's. I'm so happy that I never even tried stand up because I was just like, I'm not good at jokes. I'm not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ruined your life. Yeah, it sucks.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, it would be. But. But there's like, you're incredible at it. And it is like, there's so many people that are so good at it. And there are comedians that when you meet them, they're like. They don't even know how to talk too.

[Stavros Halkias]

For sure. Well, that. That's a great. There's definitely someone who. People look at it as, like, technical ability sometimes.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. And it's like, you know, that's fine. And they're actually some. There are some really gifted people whose minds just work with jokes.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And they're so. It's almost like a robotic thing. And. And that's a cool type of. I respect them comedically, you know? Absolutely. And not even some of them. Some of them aren't even great performers. They're just such great joke writers. Writers. But it. There is a difference in terms of, like, just the best skill of all time is just being a good time. Like, being a good hang. Because people. People like that people want you around. And it's like, that's what, like, you know, I have friends who work in. Like, if you're just a guy who can make eye contact as a computer programmer. Yeah. You're gonna get promoted. Even if you're a shitty programmer. It's just people just, like, hanging out. They're just so much more fun to talk to. Dude.

[Matty Matheson]

Jim down the road.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Dude. He made eye contact. Give him another 10k a year and

[Stavros Halkias]

we're gonna work 100, dude. Yeah. Because it's like, if he wants you, like, if you can have a drink with somebody and it'd be like a fun experience. Dude, that's big.

[Matty Matheson]

I'm so scared of being around people that suck. I'm so afraid of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And I'm always so, like. It's like. And a lot of times I'm like, not. That's why I'm like, with acting. I turned down 99 of the things that come my way because I'm like,

[Stavros Halkias]

thanks, by the way.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. I'm jealous of you, dude. To dude. Bonia. I. I just reason, dude. Fire. And like, so incredible. And I think it's like, you're doing it the right way.

[Stavros Halkias]

I appreciate.

[Matty Matheson]

I really like it. Your choices are incredible. Your opportunities are obviously there. I mean, look, it is so sick, but it. It was so funny. Like, I was talk. I was at some award show and, like, Jesse and Kirsten were there, and, And.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, hell yeah. So they're so awesome.

[Matty Matheson]

Jeremy was, like, talking. Well, we were all, like, smoking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And I was just like, I love. I think Jesse is incredible, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's so. First of all, I think he's the best actor. I mean, dude, I think the pe. In Begonia, you saw the two best actors of their generation, and I think he got completely robbed.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

The fact that he wasn't nominated is so crazy. I think he should have straight up won. But anyway, he's. He's the man. Yeah. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

He's so sick. But I was just like, it was so funny because I, I, I legit was just like, I love Friday Night Lights.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, dude. And I was just like. And I like, you kind of remind me that character always reminded me of my, my younger brother.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, wow.

[Matty Matheson]

And he's like. I didn't know if it was, like, a compliment or whatever. I was just like, whatever. And then I just started and, And Jeremy, like, hits me. He's like, that's enough. Like, you know, like, like, he's like, you complimented him twice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Shut the up and be cool. Yeah, totally.

[Matty Matheson]

Totally shut the up. But then the thing that was crazy was like, Alicia Silverstone.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. She came up and she was just like, big fan.

[Elders]

Awesome.

[Matty Matheson]

And I was just like, all the, all, all celebrities say big fan, which I, I, I find very funny because I'm always just like, what? Did you see me? I'm not in anything except for the bear. I'm like, I doubt you watch the bear because everybody hates the bear. So I was just like, what the. Like, what? Like, okay, what? And she's like, I love your cooking videos. And I was just like, what?

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Matty Matheson]

And I was just like, yeah, Clueless is tight. And I was just like, dude, whatever. But it's, is fucking. But Jesse. And, like, you being in Begonia was this, like, I saw that and I get so stoked because it is like, when I love champion people and, like, being like, dude, that's the fucking shit. I know how hard it is.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Like, I also, like, what's up with acting? Like, in the, in the sense of like, like, it's the worst, right? It's the scariest shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, dude, imagine, like, you're not like, Look, I. My acting training is. I went to an after school program for four months in Baltimore City.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

In sixth grade, I was in the Baltimore School for the arts. Twigs program.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. You know. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

In which that scared me out of acting. Because you were around kid. Like, kids who love acting. Yeah, I was around theater kids. And literally, like, I remember being scared by these girls. I was like, they're too intense. Like, they scared me probably in like a weird psychosexual way where I was like, this energy is. You know, it's like I've ended, you know? Anyway. Anyway, in any case. And to be like. Like, when I got offered Begonia, I was like, something. The. A mistake has happened. Yeah. The fact that I have gotten offered this double check that they meant me. It was. Was there a different Stavros that Yorgo was trying to get? Was. He just. Did UTA get the wrong, like, Greek guy on their roster that send them this. But, yeah, dude, imagine how fucking crazy it is against. Fuck. You know, Jesse. All my scenes with fucking Jesse.

[Matty Matheson]

That's incredible.

[Stavros Halkias]

And, yeah, there's so many fucking great actors on the Bear where it must be completely like. You must, like. I mean, I feel I deal with it by just kind of disassociating, knowing my lines, having a take on it. Doing good enough that they won't fire me.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then just letting the good actors do the. Do the work. Being a fun fat guy in the frame. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, understanding. It's also visual. They kind of just want a fat guy in the room.

[Matty Matheson]

Am I just sweating? Am I sweating? Am I sweating too much? I'm always sweating. I'm always sweating. But am I sweating too much?

[Stavros Halkias]

Can we mist him? Can we mist Maddie? Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

I just came in from a storm.

[Stavros Halkias]

Ye.

[Matty Matheson]

But the. It is crazy because it is like, I never. Like, I never acted ever. I never did classes. I still have never done classes. I have no idea. But it is one of those things where, like, I remember the first scene was with me and Jeremy, and we're standing in front of Ball Breaker, and I'm talking about Mortal Kombat and whatever. All this. Like, I have, like, a pair. Like a monologue, a paragraph, you know, like a little thing. Thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

And.

[Matty Matheson]

And we're outside just smoking. And. And Jeremy's like, yo, like, let's run it. We're about to go in. Like, let's run it. And I was just like, what? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like, I'm good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And he starts, like, just doing lines in front of me. And I was just like, wait, what? What?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

I was just like, no, like. And then I started, like, mum, like, the Mortal Kombat game is like. It's like the crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And Jeremy's like, oh, you don't. You don't know your lines.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And I was like, no, no, I read him. He's just like.

[Stavros Halkias]

And he's like, memorize.

[Matty Matheson]

We're about to go shoot. And I was just like, yeah. But I was like, I was like, getting the kitchen ready and I was doing all this other stuff and I was just like, no, I'm going to

[Elders]

like, bang it out.

[Matty Matheson]

We'll find it. We'll find it. And it was one of those things. And then we go in and I like. They're just like. It was the first day of acting. Like, I. And then like, action. And I'm just like, huh. Sort of like laughing.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And like, Jeremy, he doesn't know me that well.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, like, this is on the pilot. And I was just like, I don't know how to do this. And then I was just like, oh. Like, I just like, we'll stop and like, be like, oh, dude. Like, we'll. We'll start again. Yeah. And everyone's like, maddie, this is not how it goes. My dog.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You gotta figure it out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, you really think that when, like, I thought you just. Oh, you go there. You and the director talk about your motor. Yeah. Like, what's my motiv? Like, you know that phrase, what's my motivation is like. So it's like in Looney Tunes cartoons. Like, yeah. It's like, all I know about acting is what I saw from Car show the up from cartoons, like, parodying acting, you know, So I literally thought you would get there and like, talk about. And man. No, thank God. I did an indie before Begonia.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because like, if I had done that on Begonia, I would have.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, it's a crazy thing. I. I really like. And that's what scares me. Like, it is the scariest thing where I'm showing up in front of other people. People. It's the most vulnerable thing ever because I'm like, you're the tool.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And then you're like, wait, my tool sucks. I'm like, I got no tools in here.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm a rusty ass saw.

[Matty Matheson]

Literally, I'm done. I'm broken.

[Stavros Halkias]

I stink.

[Matty Matheson]

I show up. Yeah. I haven't showered in three days. I'm like, I read the script kinda. Yeah.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, like, it is like one of those things where it's so crazy, but it is amazing. Like, I. I love seeing that because a lot of act like A lot of comedians get into stuff and, like, I'm just like, oh, that's okay. Because I feel the same. I feel like I feel the same way when I'm like. Not that I'm a great actor or anything like that, but it is like, if I was to go into comedy, like, I would have been, like, comedians would be like, oh, Maddie's over here now. Fuck out of here.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, or whatever.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. I definitely feel that. I feel really bad for fat actors.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's like the fact that we are

[Matty Matheson]

working, you know, like, Paul's on everything. I did a movie with him recently, and he's a sweetheart. But it is a funny thing where I'm just like, is it me or him? Or is it like, who's the new fatties?

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, just a. Imagine being a classically trained fat guy.

[Matty Matheson]

Oh, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

And you just have to see us be in movies. That's. Sorry, guys.

[Matty Matheson]

Our socials are so strong that they weigh how bad we are. They're like, you're valuable. You're.

[Stavros Halkias]

No one cares about art anymore, man. It's all elgo.

[Matty Matheson]

My elbow's strong. I'm like, dude, why am I on Toy Story? I have no idea. Thank you so much. But I don't. I just, like, I was sitting in that room being like, why am I here? They could ask anybody.

[Stavros Halkias]

How did they do that? Did you, like. Did they do it in person or.

[Matty Matheson]

Like I did in Buffalo? I just did it in a sound booth. It is, like, one of those things where it was just like, whatever my schedule and I can't be in la, and they're like, oh, we found it. There was, like, a person from, like, Pixar's there, though. Okay, cool. So, like, there. And then we're just like, zoomed up and we got all the directors and everybody's there. And then we just run it. It was like 45 minutes. Like, it was awesome, dude. Yeah, it was, but it was still

[Stavros Halkias]

just like, I'm ready for scams. Like, that voiceover seems like a real scam where it's like, I did a voiceover thing, too, and it was the same thing where it's like, oh, this is awesome. I just show up and just read.

[Elders]

Go home.

[Stavros Halkias]

I did a season of television in an afternoon. Yeah. Nice. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And you're not scared?

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Matty Matheson]

Like, you don't have to.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have to look at the back.

[Matty Matheson]

I was like, give me on a crow show. Like, what's, you know, Like. Like, man, I got a nice voice.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally, totally dude, like that does make sense to me though. I. You totally should be a Toy Story cuz you have a distinctive like. Like, you know, I'm sure you're not the main character.

[Matty Matheson]

I'm sure I'm in for 45 seconds. I mean every, like I'm doing all this every. Cuz I was like in the trailer, so every's like, dude, you're in the movie. I'm like, I'm in for 45 seconds. Woody saves me. I'm like, I'm blowing the whistle on big tech. I'm like, it's. I'm in it for a couple seconds.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's awesome.

[Elders]

But.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, I'm happy to hear that it's an anti big tech.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tablets destroying imagination.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, that is literally true. Hey, yeah, good. Good for Toy Story maybe. Maybe Toy Story 6. It's a fully communist. Yeah. It's like it goes. We have and we have to drink the blood of our tech overlords.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, that would be good. It flips. Now we're just drinking the blood of the tech. We're like tech one. Is this T2? We are T1000s.

[Stavros Halkias]

It will be interesting to see what all the. I am really curious about what's going to happen to iPad kids, man. We're about to like. I think the first generation of iPad kids has become adults. And you can tell, you can really.

[Matty Matheson]

No one shakes your hand, nobody looks at you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Everyone's just like, they see the world in Minecraft.

[Stavros Halkias]

So nervous. Dude. They're so nervous out here.

[Matty Matheson]

But yeah, it's different people, you know, who knows? I'm happy I was outside.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, that's a scary.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean, you're talking about with your kids too. It's like, that's a scary thing about like, you know what the. Like, they're just. The world they know is going to be so much different. Like this generation of kids is like so, so different. But you know, it can be.

[Matty Matheson]

But it's also like we don't do like no iPad. Like, we've never allowed our children to have iPads inside of our cars. Look out the window, you know, look at the window. Be sad.

[Stavros Halkias]

Be bored. Be sad.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, be sad. Think of something. Because I'm like, boredom creates imagination nation, for sure. Like, that is the greatest tool is boredom. And so it is just like a thing where. And like, no rush. Like going to restaurants with kids and you see like a kid with a thing on with the. With the thing and you're like, everyone's eating steak frites and you're like, what are you doing, dog? Like, Like a little.

[Stavros Halkias]

With headphones. Just drinking a bottle. He's way too old.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, yeah. Take your head. Headphones off, you just start shrieking. You're just like, dude, everyone doesn't have autism.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, like, I'm like, if you just let your kids be kids and just don't let them, like, treat it like it is a gift or treat it like it is a thing where I'm like, the second they get home from school, don't let them just jump on it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Let them play outside for a little bit. Let them unwind outside or like, something.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's so few outsides. I mean, that's. We're just so where. It's like, just every. There's no, like, communal places. There's no, like, just places to hang. Like, I went to an after school rec center. That doesn't. People don't really do that. They kidding. But anyway, there's something to growing up poor. Yeah. Because you just, like, you have. Your parents care. It's not that they don't care about you. It's just they're too overrun. I guess that's what it is. Like this. That's a lot of iPad. Kids are just like, I bet you if my parents had. If my mom. There were times where my mom would have gotten that iPad going for sure, you know?

[Matty Matheson]

Well, our iPad was just go outside. Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, it was don't get molested and go outside. Not.

[Matty Matheson]

Do not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do not.

[Matty Matheson]

Hey, dude, I was not allowed to sleep over at people's houses. I was not allowed neither.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I think. And sometimes I'm like, did my dad get molested?

[Matty Matheson]

We're protecting you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's adults and honestly, probably, dude, I feel like that was. It was. I mean, Greece.

[Matty Matheson]

80s.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Invented anal.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Hey, you know, we got out of our system.

[Matty Matheson]

Okay.

[Stavros Halkias]

We got out of our system.

[Matty Matheson]

I did a video. I did. I did. I forget what the. I cooked. I cooked a Greek dish and I forget what the. I cooked. But I was, like, going off on, like, Greeks inventing, like, anal.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And like, the amount of hate. I was like, I'm getting canceled by Greeks.

[Elders]

Greek people.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Just like, this is incredible.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're very proud. We're very proud cult. They don't want to hear any back sass. They don't want to hear any. And it is very funny because they fetishize ancient Greece. They're like, we were we were democracy and we, you know, we.

[Matty Matheson]

Our soldiers into strength.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like Alexander the Great was. Was. Was in like, bisexual throuples.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, he would pick up a different concubine of a different ethnicity and sex every two weeks.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Like, they. The. You can't love both ancient Greece and not love gay.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Because it's. That's what the empire.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know what I mean? Blowing off steam.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Let me hit it. We just. We just conquered the city.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, boys, let's suck each other off.

[Matty Matheson]

Let's go. 69. 69.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. Getting the fat. Get in the. I bet you they had like the. The phalanx or whatever where they have, like, the. Their military formations. I bet you they had some gay sex formations. Yeah, I bet you could.

[Matty Matheson]

They could drill, but they were so comfortable. They could be so close to hold that pattern.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. Maybe that's how you held the pattern. That's how you hold. You want to pin each other.

[Matty Matheson]

You want to literally. You want, like, Legos. Yeah, yeah. Like one Lego. Not so strong. Many Legos strong, you know?

[Stavros Halkias]

Yep. That's beautiful. If there's any ancient military historians, listen, please let us know. Is that right? Is that correct?

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Like, were they together? Together? Were they inside of each other, ready to conquer? The Greeks had a good run.

[Stavros Halkias]

I think so. The Spartans were. Were even gayer. Yeah, that's the thing everyone thinks Athens was. And it is.

[Matty Matheson]

300. Yeah, 300 dudes, they would. Yeah, they were having fun.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was their body count. That was their male. That was their gay body count.

[Matty Matheson]

They would just feed on each other.

[Stavros Halkias]

There's like.

[Matty Matheson]

There's no. Give me protein.

[Stavros Halkias]

They were literally like, all right, get the women. All right. We had kids. Get the women out of here. Yeah, just the fellas. We're going to fight and suck.

[Matty Matheson]

I think it's great.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

So, I mean, fantastic. We need to get back to that.

[Stavros Halkias]

You do see that in today's.

[Matty Matheson]

Everyone needs to be pansexual, you know,

[Stavros Halkias]

see, super jacked gay guys.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're basically just living like Spartans. They're getting jacked and they have no use for women.

[Matty Matheson]

Dude, it's hot.

[Stavros Halkias]

Spartans would love San Francisco, dude. Like, that's the thing. Like the most conservative, like, shittiest Greek whatever, you know, violent. They would love being gay as hell. In fact, if they came, that would be a fun. Dude, bring back. Go back in time or bring back. The Spartans, like, all these, like, return.

[Matty Matheson]

Imagine being made love to by something like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

I Don't know. You know, that is. Maybe it's nice. Maybe it's great. Giant strong man, just taking.

[Stavros Halkias]

Feel secure. I wouldn't want to get fud personally. Yeah, I don't think I want to get fud by them, but I, you know, who knows? Knows, who knows, who knows? I can't. You know, I wonder, I wonder what a spartan woman looked like. Could I go all the women? Because they're busy in the barracks. Yeah, but what are they? So anyway, let's get military historians and also archaeologists.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, we need archaeologists.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know how they do like the recreation of Jesus and he looks like, you know, just every brown guy. Yeah, I would love a recreation of a spartan woman. Yeah, she's probably busted. But you know, who knows? Knows. Well, they're probably, you know, we'll find out again. Let us know, guys.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, we want to know. Let us, Let us know in the comments. You can just let us know in the comments. What do you guys think about what we just talked about?

[Stavros Halkias]

What do you guys think about what we just talked about? I think it's time, Maddie, to we bring some of the wisdom you've acquired.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Over. Over your. Your years on this earth to our fan base. I don't know if you know, we'll take some calls. We have some voicemails.

[Matty Matheson]

Are they live calls?

[Stavros Halkias]

No, no, they're voicemails.

[Matty Matheson]

I was like, live calls are cool.

[Stavros Halkias]

No, you can come back for a live call, man. Next time, you know, I'll the farm, we'll bring elders. We'll do a live call. We do live. Those are our special, special behind the paywall. Live calls. Yes. It gets a little, you know, you never know what happens on a live

[Matty Matheson]

call that's on the Patreon.

[Stavros Halkias]

You can't just let on the patreon. You can't just let that out.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. What do we got? A little eldest. Have you ever been late night shopping, finally found exactly what you've been looking for, added it to your cart, and then realized your car's nowhere in sight? And just when you're about to get give up, you see that purple pay button? One tap and you're checked out in seconds. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names to brands just getting started. Their shop pay button is used by millions of businesses and it's why Shopify is the best converting checkout on the planet. Can I be honest with you? I didn't even re. I. I'VE been using Shopify for my business. I didn't realize this purple shop pay bump button was Shopify. I use this non stop. A lot of the tracksuits you've seen me in those have been impulse purchases and I'm thankful the shop pay button was for because I'm looking delicious in those. And if I had to run down find my cart, these beautiful pieces might have sold out before I even had a chance to get them. I love it just as a consumer. I love it even more when it applies to my business. It makes sure those people are buying that merch. They're not letting it. In that case cart, I love the shop pay button. You're going to love it too if if by some chance you're not already using it. See less carts go abandoned and more sales with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.comstavi go to shopify.comstavi that's shopify.comstavi your outdoor space is where you unwind and make memories. So make it count. Account Belgard pavers are designed to elevate your outdoors. Designed forward and built to last. Learn [e-mail] that's B E L G-A-R-D.com

[Elders]

Hey Stavi, long time, first time excited to see you here in San Diego. Hey Stavi, long time, first time excited to see you here in San Diego in two weeks.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow.

[Elders]

You'll probably hear this after this.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's so funny that I can tell. Elders just went to the top of the calls because the we never get to a call. I'm not. I haven't even been. This guy probably just called in, didn't he? Yes, he called in last week. You, you, you came in and just took the first 10 calls.

[Matty Matheson]

You didn't listen to any of the good ones. Hi. I'm going to San Diego in two weeks.

[Elders]

No man.

[Matty Matheson]

I got something really good happening in San Diego. How to do a broad sweep to

[Stavros Halkias]

call some good ones. Yeah, let's see what we got.

[Elders]

This after the show here in San Diego and maybe air it after my problem has already come and gone. So here's the story. Me and some old co workers. There's going to be three to five of us, mixed gender group. We're all taking a friend group trip to Germany in August.

[Matty Matheson]

Okay.

[Elders]

The thing is I have a crush on one of the friends that I'm going with and I would like to ask her out and put some romantic energy between us, but I don't want to do that and have her not be interested in me. And then all of a sudden, on the trip with all the friends, there's like, I've injected weird energy into the group. I'm fine being rejected. So right now, I guess my idea is that I'll just ask towards the tail end of the trip while we're in Germany, or I'll ask afterwards. The only thing I guess I'm really worried about is, like, is there a point where I wait too long and the window closes and, you know, there's no chance of introducing some romantic. Romantic chemistry between us? So let me know what you think. Excited to say hello. Cheers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. This is.

[Matty Matheson]

You're so nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

It is. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's cute. It is. This is a cute guy.

[Matty Matheson]

This guy is a virgin.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he.

[Matty Matheson]

So he's. He.

[Stavros Halkias]

He does sound. I mean, I'm sure he's made. Not in a bad way twice, but. Yes, he is. He absolutely has. This feels like hyper high school to me.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

This feels like, you know, you have a crush on a girl over time. It's almost like. It is.

[Matty Matheson]

It's a co worker, so.

[Stavros Halkias]

And romantic and a little. It's quaint in a way. The co worker thing is, you know.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, just call your HR consultant. Ask them. Yeah, right off top.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, look, I think the more you stew on something like this, the more you build it up, the more it is getting weirder. The more. And when you're talking about injecting romantic whatever, it's like it's either there or it's not. Right.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so I don't know, man. I think, like, I mean, this is gonna come out probably. Oh, actually, it's gonna come out by the end of the month.

[Elders]

It'll have to.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is the weird. This is the rare time we'll actually directly, possibly help somebody, I think, and not just use their. Their pain for fodder for our.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

For our podcast.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. To me, every time I've been in a situation like this, whatever. The quicker the better. Yeah, the quicker the better if you feel. Because the quicker. It's just a little hunch of like, huh, I kind of like this person. And when you ask someone out with that energy, it does feel like just a little casual, like, oh, this isn't a big deal. But the more you build it up, the more you're like, oh, fuck, I got to do this, I got to do that, maybe. Whatever. It's like the more she'll be able to sense how much it means to you. Whereas, like, if you just hit it off with a cute girl somewhere and you're like, hey, would you like to go grab a drink or something after work? Like. And she says, no, it's really not a big deal at all. The more you build it up and

[Matty Matheson]

you know, and also, like, if you, you know, if you're a co worker, whatever. But it's like, if you genuinely like this person and you have more zero feelings that, like, if you're not aware enough to see, like, they aren't interested in you at all in a weird way, like, have you had a moment? Have you gotten close to each other? Have you had already something? Do you have an inkling that they actually like you in that way?

[Stavros Halkias]

Right.

[Matty Matheson]

Then if they don't, and he's just being completely naive and he's becoming obsessive because that, like, it is like there isn't. Like, it happens. If there is an energy energy, then it's just you thinking about this person, right? And then you, you begin, like, beginning of your trip. At the, at the end of your trip, it'll be the. Like, if it doesn't happen on your trip, then it ain't happening.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Matty Matheson]

Like, that's the thing. I'm like, also, like, just be. Be cool and have a moment. When the moment. How you can. If you can't construct a way to get this person to have attention in a way that makes them like you more, try that first. Like, create yourself to be attractive. Like, you know, mentally. Like, make them laugh. Make them do it. Like, how do they see you? Totally, you know, and it's just like, I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

But see the.

[Matty Matheson]

Wait till the very end. Wait till you're about to get on the plane and be like, can we go on a date when we get home? Yeah, we just went to Germany. It was really good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Like, what's that? That's even weirder.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. I mean, I think that you kind of have two options here where it's like a. A. I think if you feel something, you ask someone out in a very casual way and then there's no. Then you absolutely know where you stand.

[Matty Matheson]

Yes.

[Stavros Halkias]

She says no. Great. She says, yes. Great. She says, hey, you know, I like you as a friend. I still like to be friends, but I don't like you that way. Great. Or the other option is kind of like, is a higher difficulty thing, in my opinion, which is. Is like you're kind of trying to get her, you're sort of slow playing, trying to create some attraction, trying to, like, I'm gonna say, wear her down, but that sounds way more negative than it is. But it's like, you know, I remember this because this is how I got my first girlfriend. I was a coward who slowly put himself out. You almost microdose asking a girl out when you're like, when you do something like, oh, we have a little more moment. I'm funny. I noticed this laugh. I know, whatever. That can work. But the toll it takes on you, I think is too much. And that's why I think, like. And also, it's a high degree of difficulty being like a Casanova who picks just the right moment. You're so much better off, in my opinion, casually asking her out and also being like. Because I also was in a situation where there was somebody who was like, let's say a colleague. And I was very. I was like, listen, I like, you know, I've been feeling like it's. I've had a nice time talking to you. Would you like to, you know, would you like to hang out sometime? And I got like a, yeah, we can hang out. And I had to be like, I want to be very clear. I'm trying to hang out with you in a row. Would you like to go out on a date? Like, I don't want it. Like, we can be. And that's when I was even, like, we can be if you're not interested. We can be friends. We can hang out in that way.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But I want you to know, I see you in this way if you're interested in that. And that was the first time I ever tried, like, almost. Almost just super direct.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And so that's worked for me, you know, when I've just been direct like that. Yeah, it works. Or you just get a. Or you just stop thinking about the person. Like, oh, yeah, she doesn't like me. Great. I'll find somebody else. So that I think. I think that's what you have to do, personally. Be very direct, but also casual. Just like, hey, I'd love to go grab a drink, whatever. Go. Like, I'd love to even, like, even more casual. Go get fucking coffee. Just hang out outside of work in a first date context. Yeah. And make it very clear if you're not, if you don't, if you're interested in that, truly no big deal. I still value as a friend, as a coworker, and I'm still, you know, looking forward to it. And then, you know, you just Live your life that way.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, maybe you're. Yeah, you're literally going on a vacation.

[Stavros Halkias]

And that's the other thing when I will say I've also had situations where I've just asked girls out directly where like when I was younger, when I was first kind of like, oh, let me just ask for what I want. There's been situations where they say no, but I have put myself in their mind as somebody who's a Roman come back. You know what I mean? Like sometimes, and sometimes people do see you as a friend, are kind of surprised that you feel that way. Knee jerk, reject it and then think about it like, hey, I do kind of get.

[Matty Matheson]

You know what I mean?

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And I'm not saying count on that, but I'm just saying you are so much better off in life in general when you're just honest about what you want. When you're honest about what you want and clear and communicative, you will get it so much more than if you like try and put together a scheme and you're. You're googling most romantic spots in Dusseldorf to take her to, you know what I mean?

[Matty Matheson]

Like schnitzel. We're getting a fried. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which snitchel. Which snitchel is a aphrodisiac, you know what I mean?

[Matty Matheson]

We're gonna drink 400 beers. Where can we drink four beers? And then I'll talk to her after that. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Let me get my later hosing on.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's my general advice. Because you know, it's just because I've been. I have been in both and both have worked for me. But I will say it was. I felt a lot better when I just asked the girl out that I like.

[Matty Matheson]

I think that's nice, you know.

[Stavros Halkias]

But yeah, you need to free yourself because this is cowardice. Truly. This is like coming up with the perfect. With the perfect moment is a lie to yourself. Cuz you don't. You don't think you are good enough to get this girl. So you're trying to build yourself up and, and kind of present a perfect moment that and you are good enough for who it might. Maybe not for her, but you're good enough for somebody. And the clo. The quicker you just ask them, the quicker you'll find that person, in my opinion. That's nice speaking, you know, as a, as a reformed, as a reformed incel in my youth, I can give you this information. So good luck. I'm rooting for you. And listen, maybe you don't date her. Maybe you date somebody else. But still, you can have a nice time in Germany.

[Matty Matheson]

Either way.

[Stavros Halkias]

What else we got? Eldis. Oh, fuck. What the hell?

[Matty Matheson]

Shit, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

Holy fuck. What's going on?

[Matty Matheson]

We got.

[Elders]

Oh, no.

[Matty Matheson]

It's time to keep it.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's right. It's the motherfucking ass fucked up Question of the Week, brought to you by the little fuckers at Twisted Tea. Wow. The Twisted Zone. So close to the 4th of July when I want to jump in the pool and slurp down these delicious 5% by volume, brewed with real iced tea delights.

[Matty Matheson]

Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. This makes me want to eat a hot dog. As the 4th of July is coming near. I can't wait to drink these on the 4th of July. These will go down smooth on the 4th of July like they always do, but they'll be extra smooth on the 4th of July.

[Matty Matheson]

Mmm.

[Stavros Halkias]

I can't wait to wash down a couple Glyzerinos with the Twisted Tea Party pack. Yeah, I'm gonna be drinking the Rocket Pop, which is only available available in the Party pack. And I'm going to be doing it on the 4th of July. 5% per volume. Just right. Twisted Tea is good. And also brewed with real iced tea. Keep it twisted. What do we got this week, Elvis? What's the twisted ass up ass Question of the week?

[Elders]

Hey, stop. Hey, Eldest. Hey, Guess. So, I'm calling about my. He found out that his girlfriend. They've been together, I think, like four years. He found out that she was cheating on him, I guess. I don't know if it's cheating. It is, but it isn't. Okay, but she was talking to dudes online and she had met up with a couple of them for coffee.

[Matty Matheson]

Met up.

[Elders]

There was supposed to be like a sugar arrangement. Arrangement thing, I guess, is what he was saying. So whatever. Whatever. Long song short this poor.

[Stavros Halkias]

He ended up parroting back her talking points to his friend. Yeah, well, it was coffee and it was gonna be a sugar. It's like, he's so toast. She's lying to your friend.

[Matty Matheson]

Although that's the boyfriend.

[Elders]

Yeah,

[Matty Matheson]

totally. You know, she was saying there was a sugar thing. There was a couple lattes. I don't know. She came home with a new purse.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. If your girl starts getting her fucking nails done, she's got fucking Louboutins on, brother. Yeah, there's been an arrangement, but. Keep going. Eldest.

[Elders]

Finding one of the dudes that she was talking to, and he said she was talking up finding one of the Dudes that she was talking to to. And he started messaging him as her from a second hilarious profile.

[Stavros Halkias]

I mean this is getting cucked on a crazy level. Not is it. It's not enough to get cucked in the cuck chair. He's got VR goggles watching his girlfriend get fucked. He's pretending to be her and getting fucked by this guy. That's fucking insane.

[Matty Matheson]

He's like, do you like it the way I suck your dick? Do you like it? Man, the way he me last night was so tight.

[Stavros Halkias]

That was awesome. Right when we had intercourse outside of my loving relationship. Go ahead.

[Elders]

And he said like, oh, hey, my boyfriend found my old profile so I had to delete it. So I'm talking to you on this one. And he has been getting this dude to send him money.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay. Respect. Actually keep it twisted. Your friend is keeping it all the way the twisted. And we respect him for that. Keep going.

[Matty Matheson]

Sets up a different Venmo.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

True Susie 69.

[Elders]

And he is now using that money to take the same girlfriend out on dates and on trips.

[Stavros Halkias]

And what Now I'm pissed. Now I'm pissed off.

[Elders]

$2500 off this dude.

[Matty Matheson]

Respect trips for 2500 bucks. I just like should inclusive. Bab, stop.

[Elders]

Like, is it bad that he's doing this?

[Matty Matheson]

I don't know.

[Elders]

N. He doesn't see an issue with it. He says it's. It's weird because he has to say sexual to this dude.

[Matty Matheson]

He's sex to him.

[Elders]

He's been making a lot.

[Matty Matheson]

Did he say his dick's weird? I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Did he say it's weird because he's saying sexual stuff? Yes. Yes.

[Matty Matheson]

I thought he said he's my dick pics weird. He will.

[Stavros Halkias]

For all we know, he might be looking at this guy's weird. Now here's where I have a problem with it. I taking money from the guy who possibly cucked. Now, did the guy fuck your girlfriend or not? If they had a potential arrangement and he didn't feel. Now this is where I get. This is villager brain. Right?

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Where I'm like, if he my girl, I'll steal from him. That's honestly how I feel. I. But where it pisses me off is to then give the money to the girl. Buy yourself a pinball machine, dude. You know what I mean?

[Matty Matheson]

Like, come on. You got cucked. Go to a little something and just have, you know the.

[Stavros Halkias]

Take the fellas to pin with the paintball, dude.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, dude. But I. I also. I'm like, dude, you should actually be like, hey, why don't we start doing this as a team? Be like, this is kind of making me a little. Kind of horny doing this. Let's just start scamming dudes. You can them a little bit.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

You know. Yeah, I guess, I guess that's just pimping.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, I guess.

[Matty Matheson]

I guess that's just.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's e. Pimping yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Using your girlfriend as an avatar for online prostitution.

[Matty Matheson]

That is so crazy. I guess that I guarantee that that happens a lot. Just straight catfishing and like talking to lonely guys and getting money.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally. Apparently a lot of only fans girls, I think hire dudes. Message.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Now what is the ethics of this? I mean, he's keeping it twisted for sure. Oh, he's keeping it all the way twisted. I guess my thing is since we're in a twisted zone where we don't have. Because logic is here.

[Matty Matheson]

The.

[Stavros Halkias]

The untwisted logic is break up with this woman.

[Matty Matheson]

Like, like she cheated on. It's unhealthy. Whatever's happening is your bag and she's

[Stavros Halkias]

probably lying and this woman has turned your friend insane. Right. Like the, the. The untwisted logic is break up, go to therapy.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Think about why you enjoyed catfishing a man as your girlfriend for 2500 bucks.

[Matty Matheson]

For 20.

[Stavros Halkias]

And then think about why you then brought the money back. How. How low is this guy's self esteem? He is taking money from a guy who might have his girlfriend to buy his girlfriend stuff. That's how little you believe.

[Matty Matheson]

Going to Cracker Barrel. Yeah, that would be better.

[Stavros Halkias]

Having pancakes on his dime. I respect more than fudgeing buying your girl tennis bracelets with it. But I would say in. So the untwisted logic is break up with her. Stop doing.

[Elders]

Doing this.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's immoral. It's unethical. It's doing something wrong to his psyche. The twisted logic is pimp. Find out if she fucked this guy. If she did, stop giving her his money. Keep it for yourself. Buy, you know, save up. Save up. And then.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, buy, like get another apartment.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Matty Matheson]

Get a secondary apartment. Then get that person. Set up a full scandal operation. Get the guy to come. Come get her to come. Machine gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Full twisted.

[Stavros Halkias]

That would be too twisted. I think murdering them is too twisted.

[Matty Matheson]

Don't murder.

[Stavros Halkias]

But you could and you're just over the line.

[Matty Matheson]

Okay, I think no murder.

[Stavros Halkias]

No murder. But here's what I think. I think keep his Money. Buy yourself an excellent Twisted tea party pack for the summer. That's the only place you could get the new lemonade and. And rocket pop flavor which I was drinking when the Knicks won the championship this year. So that's. I would say save the money, put some of it towards, you know, open an llc. Use the money to start drop shipping. Buy a. Buy a course at Hustlers University. No, just. Just like untwisted. Break up, go to therapy. Keep it just the right amount of twisted. And stop buying her stuff and buy yourself stuff, man. This guy might be. This guy might be some kind of pay pig who. If he found out it's a guy pretending, he might even like it more.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Who knows? There's some fucking freaks out there, you know? So I would. So those are your two options?

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Keep it twisted. Keep it untwisted. Either way, you and your pal should, you know, go outside on the balcony and crack open a couple ice cold Twisted teas. I think we can all agree on that. What do you say, Eldis? Keep it twisted.

[Matty Matheson]

That's right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh.

[Elders]

Oh.

[Stavros Halkias]

We're exiting the twisted zone. And we're back.

[Matty Matheson]

I like that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we have pretty high production value. Thanks, man.

[Matty Matheson]

That's good.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Yeah. There's a lot of CG when the people at home don't know, but a lot of CGI went into that. I wasn't even wearing a hat. You put that in. In post.

[Matty Matheson]

Say hi. Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

What else we got?

[Elders]

LD hey, Stravi. So, getting straight to it.

[Stavros Halkias]

Thank you.

[Elders]

I have a wide set vagina and I'm wondering, can I have a satisfying sex life with an average sized dick, man?

[Matty Matheson]

And why are you.

[Elders]

Now, I came to this understanding because.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, us too.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah. Maybe if me and Maddie put both

[Matty Matheson]

our dicks in your. Maybe. Maybe.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe something could work there. Maybe it's like when you're out of hot dog buns.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So you put two hot dogs in the. In the hamburger bun.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's true.

[Elders]

Well, I came to this understanding because my. On two separate occasions had told me my pussy was loose. Now I've been single for three and a half years and there's a man looking to take me out on a day with the intention of. Of potentially being serious. And I'm hesitant because I've had sex with this man before and his dick was average size. And there's nothing wrong with that. Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

[Matty Matheson]

However,

[Elders]

I'm thinking for the both of us, I myself want thick Fat, girthy dick to fill up my walls.

[Stavros Halkias]

All right, chill.

[Elders]

And I want my partner to feel like his dick's being gripped. I never want to hear I have loose pussy ever again from my partner.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure.

[Elders]

And what if things go well? What if we end up in a long term relationship? Will the two of us feel satisfied while we feel like stepping out of our relationship?

[Stavros Halkias]

Wow. Is my. Is the guy who I fudged but might be serious dick too small for me to ever love him? Is is your question. Would I be forced to cheat in some imagined future because this guy's dick is too small?

[Matty Matheson]

Chicks and dudes are the same.

[Stavros Halkias]

This woman's got great pr. This girl must work in PR or something. Like she's phrasing these heinous statements very, very under the guise of dual concern for both of you.

[Matty Matheson]

I know she is thinking about both sides and I.

[Stavros Halkias]

Do you know what? I'm shitting on you as is the thing. But this is actually. It's important to think through all, you know, everything here. I mean, people do under. People do under, like value. I mean, look, sex is whenever you see a couple and you're like, how the are they together? And it doesn't make any sense. They are so good. Yeah. That. That can paper over.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

So many problems in a relationship if people good and they have a good sex life. So I get where you're coming from here. Is there any more eldest?

[Elders]

Am I thinking too narrowly? Like, are there workarounds around this workaround?

[Stavros Halkias]

Put a little lunch meat on the sides. Fill up a magnum with fucking deli ham. What workarounds do you want? His dick is his dick.

[Elders]

If I might have. With a man I sleep with. And his dick is not cursy. I don't know. Know. Let me know.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure. Yeah. I mean, look what you have. Do you want to jump in? Do you have any thoughts? I have some thoughts as well, but

[Matty Matheson]

I just think that you should be honest with yourself. And I'm sure there's a lot of guys that would be very compatible with hogs. Just like big head your brother's up to. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Maybe they can run a train.

[Matty Matheson]

Well, they're both. Yeah. Yeah. Called Beave and Grizzly. Yeah. Get beaming Grizz over here. The.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

I don't know. I think it's one of those things where I'm just like, bro, like that. It's just like I like funny guys. I like, you know, I want a bald guy. I want to, you know, I like a fat guy with a hog. I Like a skinny guy with a hog. I think the hog needs to be a part of it.

[Stavros Halkias]

The hog is.

[Matty Matheson]

I think you just need to be like. If that's. If your body is set up to a place where like you want to be fulfilled, you need to find a guy that you like.

[Elders]

Put per.

[Matty Matheson]

Personality is second. But I'm sure there is a personality type with a sure. You know, there's more guys with hogs than not sure. Obviously. In my mind, I think that's just everyone has one. I think that's just everyone has one except for me. Every single dude has a hog.

[Stavros Halkias]

Elder's dick is small. Don't worry about that.

[Matty Matheson]

Okay. Bradley has a hog for sure.

[Stavros Halkias]

Bradley's hogged up nice.

[Matty Matheson]

He's fine. Wow.

[Stavros Halkias]

You see that? You see the, you know, just the, you know, the quiet confidence of a man with a hog?

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. See, we're over here just being like hog, hog

[Stavros Halkias]

to them. It's uncouth.

[Matty Matheson]

I know.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's how rich people don't want to talk about money. Guys with big dicks never want to talk about dick size politics.

[Matty Matheson]

They don't want to be taxed.

[Stavros Halkias]

They don't want their dick side. We need to be. We need to redistribute dick inches. The top 1% of dicks have been holding on for too long. Look, I think there's a couple things going on here. Number one one, your ex was rude to you, right? Yeah. Telling your girlfriend her loose.

[Matty Matheson]

That's crazy. That is crazy. That is a crazy thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Even a one night stand, even if you encounter someone with. That'd be like if a. If a woman told. Said your dick is so tight, it's

[Matty Matheson]

like, look, men's obsession with. With. With like these like tight little vaginas freaks me out.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure. It's all. Yeah. I also think. Is he even right?

[Matty Matheson]

Right.

[Stavros Halkias]

Does he even know? Do you like. Have you just taken this man's word for gospel here? Why don't you get some calipers out? Yeah. You know what I mean? Go to the Foot Locker. Get the thing where you put.

[Matty Matheson]

Measure your foot.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

That can fit in your. If that whole thing fits in your.

[Matty Matheson]

It is big, but also there's so many ways to pleasure somebody. I don't understand. Like even like just straight is like so minimal in.

[Stavros Halkias]

Well, that's the thing. I would say number one one, you have some.

[Matty Matheson]

You got hands, fingers, feet.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sure, sure, sure. Put a big toe in there. I think she has some body image issues about her vagina because of a rude comment. From an ex.

[Matty Matheson]

That's nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

I would say, number one, medically, figure out. Literally, ask your fucking gynecologist, you know, whatever. Figure something out. Figure out if this is even true, number one. Number two, let's say you do or don't. What whatever is. It's not about a guy with a girthy dick. I think it's about, you've already fucked this guy, you want to go out with him. You know, if I think you're looking at it the wrong way, it's like, see if your compatibility with this guy. It's not about some mythical dick or some mythical future. It's like, are you sexually compatible with this guy? Do you like him? There's nothing wrong with giving it a whirl, even though his shit is fucking small or whatever.

[Matty Matheson]

Also just like, work it out, find a way. Get a strap on, do something. Something like. I think there's a lot of things that you can do well, she take a Rhino 24K, boost it up.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. Depending on who the sponsors are for this episode. Go to that site and get a tablet and. And use promo code. Stavi, we don't. We're not sure who it is, if it is anybody this. But you know, you know what I'm talking about. But you've realized that because there's also you Big. The great point about. There's other stuff. And I've been with. I've been with girls who like. Like they Penetrative intercourse is their thing. Other ones, like, they like getting eaten out, getting, you know, finger popped, whatever. You might just be someone that needs to get pounded. That's okay. That's okay. The reality is you have to be honest with yourself. Right? Don't worry about what we have to say. You have to be honest. What do you really like? And by the way, you might. This guy might just not be laying it down. You might find someone with, for whatever reason, you know, hormonal pheromones, whatever the fuck. Maybe he knows how to. What? Finger. Whatever the fuck. Maybe his shit is small, but shaped just right. You might find someone that's. You know. So I think just. I don't think. What's the use in making a blanket statement, I guess point. When all it comes down to is an individual person, you know, I guess he's already fucked him. Go out on a date, see if you like him. See if the sex is good, you know, if it is great. If it's not, break up and keep looking. But you need to be. Don't ask us we don't fucking know. We don't have your big pussy. You do. You tell us what that fucking. What that monster needs, you know, like

[Matty Matheson]

we can't tell you.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, so that's. That. That is my. But there's nothing wrong with. I think she's basically looking for permission from someone with a little dick to be like, go fuck a guy with a big dick. Because you know what? We don't. That would actually. I would appreciate that. If the big pussy and the big cop. Yeah. Went somewhere together.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, they're over there.

[Stavros Halkias]

They're over there. You leave us with the little pussy ladies at like a nice 55 and some change.

[Matty Matheson]

There's somebody for everybody. There's, you know, there's a doorknob for every hand.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, so you have permission from us to be a size queen if that's what you were looking for. Yeah, whatever makes you happy. But also don't discount someone solely on cockside. That's cocksy's description. Discrimination. If you like somebody and you're vibing, give it a whirl. If it doesn't work, move on. That's all I'm saying.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, but yeah, and don't comment like yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Don't, don't let him know his dick's tiny. Don't, don't tell him his shit's puny when he's you. Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Or just.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, he's moving side. He's like circular at the walls. He's like a guy who can't ice skate. He's just sticking to the rim, holding onto the walls.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

You know, sometimes I think I should have written poetry, you know?

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, I think so. It's very good.

[Stavros Halkias]

The ice Rink about some girl with a huge pussy. Give us another one, little ld.

[Elders]

Hey, Stav. Eldest guest, big fan. So I am a streamer on. On Twitch and Tick Tock. Small time streamer. I play mainly indie horror games. Scary games like that. Nice but. And I'll get anywhere. I average anywhere from like 10 to 30 people watching. Normally honestly not bad for sure. But about once a month I will go full cosplay of a. A certain political figure. Current political figure that is pretty easy to impersonate and oh no, that was scary.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's doing the shittiest job you ever heard in your life and like reacting

[Elders]

to zombies go two to three hour stream and character and everything. And when I do that I notice I get anywhere from like a hundred people watching to 1200 people watching.

[Stavros Halkias]

You don't want to you don't want to be this guy.

[Elders]

Fair amount of followers from that. And so I guess my predicament is, you know, I'm kind of wondering, do I keep doing those streams as.

[Stavros Halkias]

No.

[Elders]

This political figure that gets me a. A. A solid amount of followers every time I do it. I only get, you know, two to three people that'll come to my normal streams.

[Stavros Halkias]

Right? So what's the point?

[Elders]

Is it worth it to keep doing that and still get, you know, a few people that trickle into the normal streams, or do I stick to my normal streams and just try to get a loyal fan base from that? I guess I don't necessarily want to be known as the guy who dresses

[Stavros Halkias]

up as character,

[Matty Matheson]

like, laughing, but I'm just like, this bro's dying. Like, I need to call Stavi. I got about 10 guys watching me. If I do Trump, I get about 100 to 1200. Do I keep doing this?

[Stavros Halkias]

Dude, it's like, we're cooked. Yeah. And he has to do. It's like, if you're. If you're. If you're. If you're like a woman, you have to do sex work. If you're a man, you have to fucking pretend to be Donald Trump and play fucking Resident Evil to make money.

[Matty Matheson]

It's crazy.

[Stavros Halkias]

Truly. We're so. This is insane. But look, here's my advice to you generally, like, you don't have to look, you don't want to be the guy who fucking does troll Trump, you know, whatever, Right? Like, none of that. You said it yourself. One or two people, tops, come to your actual streams. I knew a comedian who was, like, had some heat during the first Trump administration, and I happened to be doing a gig with him, like, when Biden was elected, I think, and people were coming up to him, they were like, huh, it's been fun following you, man. It was like, you're the Trump guy to us. That's all you'll ever be to these people. Right? And the guy was a talented comic. He was an interesting guy, you know, whatever. But when you paint yourself into. And by the way, it's not just, obviously, Trump's a piece of shit, and he's a fuck. You know, he should be in jail, and we fucking hate him on this podcast. But that's not even what we're talking in a pedophile, by the way. He's best friends with Epstein. You know, a lot of cool stuff, light work, you know, a lot of cool stuff. And. But it's not even that. It's like, you see it all the time with. I mean, art and entertainment in general right now, where people try a bunch of different things on TikTok or whatever, and then they have like, you know, they'll do like a character. It's like the horny lunch lady and that goes viral. And then every fucking video from then on is like, oh, these sloppy joes are making my pussy wet. You know, like, you don't want to fucking be the guy who orders hair nets for the rest of his life because the algorithm told you it was good. That's the antithesis of art. We're all fucked. I've gone through it. I mean, I still stop. You know how many people. If I. I could be. I could be doing Baltimore, Ronnie, like those videos, those ra. I do these Ravens videos and I've had to stop doing them because that's all. Certain people, that's all they know me about. And I did them because I love the Ravens and I love making fun of where I'm from.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And when there's. And I'll pro. I. I don't. I'm not going to do them regularly anymore. Maybe I'll do them in the playoffs. Maybe I'll do them, whatever. But it's just like if I did that and I kept. And I stopped posting crowd work clips for that reason. The algorithm loved it, but I felt. Felt like, you know, it helped me get my first special out there and helped me build a following, but I did what I needed to do with that and I don't want people to know me just from crowd work. So it's like I've stopped. And yeah, my social media following did slow down because I've been working on art I actually give a fuck about. But it's like I don't want to be seen as that guy. And I don't. And you don't want to be seen as that guy either. Now, do your current streams suck dick and only get 10 people? Sure, probably. Can you be doing other stuff?

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But why did you stop innovating? Because I'm sure he randomly did Trump one time and it went crazy and this exact same fucking thing happened. Cosplay is somebody else. Do different shit. Do characters. You wouldn't be embarrassed to make your life's live. You know your life about.

[Matty Matheson]

And so be a character from the game or something.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, do something.

[Matty Matheson]

Be a dinosaur.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, do something.

[Matty Matheson]

Do get.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm not telling you to stop being creative, but you need to find the sweet spot is something that fulfills you artist and draws eyeballs unfortunately, we all have to. One thing about how our culture is degraded is we all have to be our own advertisers. We all have to do, like, we have to do marketing as much as we have to do whatever the thing we love is. Right? Like, and that sucks to some degree. It would be nice to just be able to get good at something and. And there be an infrastructure for being rewarded for being the best at a thing or very good at a thing that doesn't exist. So you're gonna have to do. You're going to have to do a little bit of both, right? You're going to have to find something marketable that also doesn't make you want to kill yourself. And hearing you describe it, you hear the dread in this man's voice.

[Matty Matheson]

There's a lot of dread. There's a lot of dread because he's so deathly afraid to go back down to 10.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Viewers.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

He's like, I. I. But also, like, why do you like people watching? Shouldn't the video games be like, maybe just Twitch isn't for you. You just play video games.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, maybe. I mean, look, but even if I'm. Even if he wants to do it. Yeah, I'm. Guess what I'm saying, What I'm telling him is like, just try some. Like, oh, don't. The thing that's mo. That gets you the most attention is not the best thing. Yes, that. Has something happened in our fucking society in the last 20 years where people just think, all I want to do is, I want to be famous, I want to be popular, I want to be rich. Not I want to be good at something or. And look, you will have to. You will have to do some things that get eyeballs in a. I'm not going to say cheap, but in a. In a. An accessible way. Right? But like, why don't you try and do stuff that is both. You know what I'm saying? I guess that's what I'm telling him is like, you don't want to be the guy because now you're not creative anymore. You're just. You're the algorithm's bitch. The algorithm tells you what's good and you suck its cock when. And it says, good boy. That feels. Feels good. Go put on that orange face paint and that shitty blonde wig, you fucking piece of shit. You want 1200? Put on the fucking wig, pussy. And you're like, yes, sir, whatever you say. I had these ideas I cared about, but I'm going to fucking throw them in the Garbage So I can, you know, talk about. I don't even fucking know anymore. Like, that's the thing. Trump isn't even fun to do anymore. No, he's not even the, like, weird. He's not energetic. He's fucking. He's shitting himself and taking naps at Knicks games. Like, he's. It's done. It's not even entertain. Like, you're being hack and pathetic and you don't even like doing it. Just keep. Keep at it. I'm not telling you to quit, but keep applying the creativity to other shit or sell out. Be the fucking. The. The Trump guy who does jump scares. I don't know what to fucking tell you. I wouldn't respect that. And again, it's not even about Trump. If you were just the guy who does one gimmick over and over again, I wouldn't necessarily respect that. I think. I don't think that's helping you find your voice as a. As a streamer. The fact that we can even say that. I mean, even streaming, pretending streaming is art, is brutal. But, hey, I'm podcast.

[Matty Matheson]

I think it's amazing how earnest you are. I think you're giving really good information.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

I'm like, I'm impressed. Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sometimes.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sometimes I just shit like this. It's just like, it pisses me off. I do feel that way about all these algorithms. It's like, yeah, they've completely flattened creativity, and it's like every. Everyone. I even feel embarrassed like. Like censoring words so that it gets picked up in the algorithm. But it's like, you just.

[Matty Matheson]

My entire YouTube. Like, I'm like, you can't swear in the first, like, 12 seconds. I was like, I'm already like. I was like, never were. I was never worried about that stuff.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

And I'm happy that I never was. Totally.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Matty Matheson]

It's just like. It is scary that people even at that level are so worried about that.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's a great point.

[Matty Matheson]

It is like a thing with, like, nobody watching, watching. And that's what they're thinking about. How do they even know about that stuff? And that. That's the thing is, like, the algorithm has made, you know, talking about the algorithm as this thing.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally.

[Matty Matheson]

But it is, like, controlling the Nobody. Totally. There's probably thousands of people that are doing that. It is. That's the scariest thing is just like, bro, like, break free.

[Stavros Halkias]

Totally break free.

[Matty Matheson]

Go, go.

[Stavros Halkias]

And yeah, that's such a good point. When you start is when you're supposed to be out of Pocket. Imagine how much dick Cometown would have sucked. Dude, if we had to. You imagine come down censoring things. And if we cared about the algorithm. The only reason that show even worked is because we really did not think we had anything to lose. We were just being. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with like, starting somewhere and then like. Like we're saying you can be a cocaine addict who then ends up in a farm. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it's fine to be fucking wild, but it's like, yeah, you're right. This is zappy tapping like that initial fun creativity of being.

[Matty Matheson]

Well, that's the thing is like, we started before.

[Stavros Halkias]

True.

[Matty Matheson]

You know, like, that is the thing. It's just like I was making stuff before. I didn't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

We never.

[Matty Matheson]

I never heard the word content or like, you never heard, like, content is like this crazy thing when you hear 17 year olds.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to be a. I want to make content. It's like, what, What. What do you want to make? You.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, that's just your body count videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what are you.

[Stavros Halkias]

What other thought? Dr. Daughter. That's what. That's why your parents immigrated to this, you know, country.

[Matty Matheson]

It is.

[Stavros Halkias]

But then again, you know, they. Mine emigrated so I could do. Immigrated so I could do podcasts. So. Yeah. Knows. But yeah, there you go, bud. Don't, you know, you don't want to be this guy.

[Matty Matheson]

Nah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Be a different guy.

[Matty Matheson]

You're better than that.

[Stavros Halkias]

You are also.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, I feel like we need to say, like, there is a. There's, there's, there's, you know, hotlines you can call if you need help. Yeah, yeah. Reach out to somebody. Reach out to somebody.

[Stavros Halkias]

Absolutely. We believe in you, though. Maybe. I don't know, I.

[Matty Matheson]

You might be bad.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know. But everyone's bad when they start out, though. Just keep trying different. That doesn't embarrass you.

[Matty Matheson]

And also, you don't want to be playing that fan. Like, you're that fan base. Like, you want those types of people watching you. Maybe you are one of those guys, but it sounds like you're not.

[Stavros Halkias]

Sounds like you're not.

[Matty Matheson]

But that's the thing. I'm like, yo, you don't want that crowd.

[Stavros Halkias]

It's either those guys or it's guys are like, yeah, Trump's bad. It's like those are both like an. You know, although the MSNBC moms, they have ended up being right about everything. Tattletales. They were actually so right. It's fucking crazy and it sucks. How about something fun to go out on little ld?

[Matty Matheson]

Expedia.

[Stavros Halkias]

Hey you, whatcha doing? Scrolling doom scrolling looking at other people's vacations.

[Matty Matheson]

Miami, San Diego, Cancun.

[Stavros Halkias]

Okay, what about you? What places will you go? Expedia is the one place you go to go places your trip can earn rewards which you can use towards your next eligible stay.

[Matty Matheson]

Soon people will be doomscrolling you.

[Stavros Halkias]

You'll be that friend's friend, but with rewards. What are you waiting for? Expedia. The one place you go to go places. Terms apply. What's up, sports fans? I'm Rachel Dimita, here to tell you about my show, Courtside Club. If you love hoops and hot takes, then you're in the right place. Want to hear about Caitlin Clark's unstoppable rise in the WNB NBA? How stars like Wemby and Luka Doncic are dominating the NBA? Or maybe you just want the tea on this week's most viral sports moments. Don't worry, we'll keep you updated on all of it. So grab your popcorn and come hang with us Courtside. You can listen to Courtside Club wherever you get your podcasts.

[Elders]

Ooh,

[Matty Matheson]

how about a little update? You remember that oil rig worker who

[Stavros Halkias]

was afraid he got four strippers pregnant? Yes.

[Matty Matheson]

On a patreon. And he called in before with another update saying that only three of the kids were his. Well, here's a new update after that. Okay.

[Elders]

Okay.

[Matty Matheson]

It's kind of a three parter.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah, we've had quite the odyssey with this guy. Yeah. And also another fun element was like some of his baby moms were racist, one was white, one of his kids was mixed raced and one of them didn't want his children to play with each like he impregnated to like Nazi strippers as well. Anyway, yeah, this guy's a. He is pretty awesome.

[Matty Matheson]

That's kind of some updates on all aspects.

[Stavros Halkias]

Great, great, great.

[Elders]

Yo, what's up? Stop it. You know what it is? I'm finally checking in for the last time. This your oil rig friend of yours?

[Stavros Halkias]

Excellent.

[Elders]

Got the the four sex workers pregnant. So long story short, all of the kids were actually mine.

[Matty Matheson]

Hilarious.

[Elders]

All the DNA checked out mad. Only one of the women got me on child support. The other three, they basically are like, yeah, we're going co parent. Everyone was asking about the racist fiance. Yeah, me and her is done that that she's actually in jail for a cocaine charge. But we can let that slide. So I've got custody of both kids from her. Oh, yeah. I'm in all my kids lives. Hell yeah. Yeah, Shit's going good. I'm just checking in. Funny. There's the funny part is a. Tried to tell me it wasn't mine around. She got mad around and it was. So she's sitting here looking. But anyway, yeah, man. Money good.

[Matty Matheson]

Dude. I got her ass that kid's mom.

[Stavros Halkias]

You have four kids that are the same age, but she's the one who looks fucking dumb.

[Matty Matheson]

That's so cool.

[Elders]

Crazy.

[Matty Matheson]

Life is good.

[Elders]

Kids are mine. Healthy, happy. I'm out here making money. Good for you. We're about to go back out to the golf here in a little bit. So I'm about to be on the rig for a little bit making money. Life is awesome. Love you, Stavi. But everyone know about the racist fiance that is kicked rocks. I was done with that.

[Stavros Halkias]

Good.

[Elders]

But anyway, love you, bro.

[Stavros Halkias]

We love you, man. Can we send this? Whatever. Text him, El. Just let him. Let him know we got in front of. We got a merch bundle.

[Matty Matheson]

Six babies. Dude, that's. That guy's kind of tight.

[Stavros Halkias]

He's the man. That's. You want to talk about glass half full, dude.

[Matty Matheson]

He's like, my life's sick. I got all these kids. I'm going out to the rig making money. Yo, that racist chick she's in. She got caught slipping on this cocaine charge. It's all right.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's fucking awesome. This guy's the fucking.

[Matty Matheson]

She's part of the Aryan sisterhood in jail. She's fine.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, man, that's. I'm happy for you, man. I'm happy that you. That you're happy to have all these kids in your life.

[Matty Matheson]

Dude, he needs to come on.

[Stavros Halkias]

I know. Honestly, we do. Have we ever called him live or. No, we. No, we haven't. Fuck, I'd love to get him on.

[Matty Matheson]

I just physically with the children. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

But truly text him or something, Eldis, and let him know we got a merch bundle for his brood package.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's beautiful, man.

[Matty Matheson]

That.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's. That's a beautiful thing to go out.

[Matty Matheson]

That's like. That's a American.

[Stavros Halkias]

That's aspirational.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah. Like, that is. That's good.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to get there, dude. I want to get there for real. I would love that. My mom even has kind of given up. She's just like. Because my. Now that there's one grandkid, she's greedy. She wants another.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

And she's just Like, I was like, so you wouldn't even care if I. She was like, what if I was

[Matty Matheson]

like, well, I don't know.

[Stavros Halkias]

I don't know if I need. Do I want me being married? She's like, who cares about that? Like, now she wants a grandkid so bad. She's. She would be thrilled if I popped up.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Like, mom, hey, we got workers. I got 16 kids. I had a crazy weekend. You have no idea. I gave you the gift of 16 beautiful, multicultural children.

[Stavros Halkias]

You got a beautiful diffusion, all different.

[Matty Matheson]

Be on the road a lot. I got to work a lot. I got on the road.

[Stavros Halkias]

I've got to get on the rig. Yeah. What is a standup tour if not kind of being on the rig? Dude, you leave your loved ones to go make money. Me and this guy are not that different. I just haven't busted inside the sex workers. That's our big. Our big difference is. Is raw dogging them. But respect to you, man. We love you. This is a. This is a modern now. This is Modern Family, right?

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, I want.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is the modern family I want to watch.

[Matty Matheson]

We can't shame.

[Stavros Halkias]

Yeah.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Oh, you had one of the. I love how Modern Family was. Two of them were gay and one was a trophy wife. It's like, big fuck. This is a fucking modern family.

[Matty Matheson]

No, this is exactly what America needs.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is the real.

[Matty Matheson]

This is the story that could save America.

[Stavros Halkias]

This is absolutely.

[Matty Matheson]

This is a story that could save America.

[Stavros Halkias]

A guy like this being anti. Racist. Yeah, he's the per. He's the median American act. Actually a dirtbag who actually isn't racist, but appears racist.

[Elders]

Yeah.

[Stavros Halkias]

Which, you know, you could argue both of us are the same thing. Matty, dude, thank you so much. Love you. This was so huge. Come back anytime and.

[Matty Matheson]

Yeah, we'd love to have you back anytime.

[Stavros Halkias]

I want to. I'm going to come up if you're ever. I also just love Toronto.

[Matty Matheson]

Truly, dude.

[Stavros Halkias]

So great city. I want to.

[Matty Matheson]

I might.

[Stavros Halkias]

I might be up there in the summer. I don't know. But anytime you're in New York, hit us up. And yeah, go the new season. The bear is out. Go check that out. Toy Story. This motherfucker's in Toy Story. That's hilarious. Watch Wood. Watch Tom Hanks save him. Yeah. With his voice. And. Yeah. We'll catch you guys next week. Bye. Bye.

[Matty Matheson]

Hey, everyone, it's me, Morgan Stewart, and

[Stavros Halkias]

I have a new podcast called the Morgan Stewart Show.

[Matty Matheson]

Join me each week as I talk about pop culture, fashion, my personal life and just a warning.

[Stavros Halkias]

I'm gonna be giving my opinion on everything.

[Matty Matheson]

I'll also have some really fun guests

[Stavros Halkias]

to join in on the fun. The Morgan Stewart show is out now. Listen and follow wherever you get your

[Matty Matheson]

podcasts or watch full video on YouTube.

[Stavros Halkias]

Why have we asked our contractor we found on Angie.com to be our kid's legal guardian? Because he took such good care when redoing our basement that we knew we could trust him to care for our kids.

[Matty Matheson]

We only met a month ago.

[Stavros Halkias]

Angie the one you trust.

[Matty Matheson]

Define the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home projects at Angie Combination.