#189 - Johnny Pemberton

Summary

Stavvy’s World #189 – Johnny Pemberton

Release Date: July 13, 2026
Host: Stavros Halkias
Guest: Johnny Pemberton

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Episode Overview

In this raucous and freewheeling episode, comedian and podcaster Stavros Halkias welcomes first-time guest Johnny Pemberton to the couch. Together, they riff on nostalgia, masculinity, relationships, incels, drug use, the perils of technology, and the uniquely bizarre problems submitted by listeners. True to Stavvy’s World, the episode blends genuine life advice with sharp-witted comedy, never shying away from the ridiculous or the heartfelt.

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Main Topics and Key Discussion Points

1. Podcast Initiation & New Studio Nonsense (01:17–04:18)

• Nacho Cheese Bucket Tradition: Bit about first-timer guests needing to “dip their nuts” in a Home Depot bucket of nacho cheese. Extended riff on Home Depot v. Lowe’s (and Lowe’s as a casino/theater/hotel).
• New Studio Vibes: Discussion of promising studio upgrades despite nothing changing on camera. Complaints and jokes about air conditioning and fat-guy comfort.

Quote:
“Don’t bring a Lowe’s bucket. Don’t do it.” – Stavi (02:09)

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2. Dad Bods, Masculinity, and Societal Double Standards (04:17–11:00)

• Dad Bod Discourse: The idea that the “dad bod” trend is just another way society is easier on men.
• Masculinity and Attractiveness: Joking about jacked guys being intimidating, the twink archetype, and sexual desirability fading with age.
• Twinkle vs. Twink: Johnny and Stavi riff on looking young versus feeling young.

Quote:
“You have a twinkle in your eyes that does not match with your current body.” – Stavi (11:50)

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3. Incels and Dating Advice (11:00–16:34)

• Being an Incel in High School: Both admit to “involuntary celibacy” until young adulthood.
• Low Bar for Standing Out: Advice on how easy it is for men to shine: “Be kind. Have one hobby. Just do something.”
• Societal Changes: Acknowledgment of real barriers in modern life, but encouraging hope and effort.

Quote:
“It’s never been easier to be a good guy… Stand apart by being kind.” – Stavi (11:13)

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4. Music vs. Comedy, Creative Careers, and Elvis Hate (16:34–20:14)

• Music Jealousy: Both admire musicians’ mobility and ease of earning worldwide fans, feeling comedy doesn’t compare.
• Elvis Disdain: Johnny reveals he “can’t stand Elvis,” describing 1950s music as a “nightmare,” leading to a tangent about president misdeeds and coolness.

Quote:
“Honestly, like, Elvis I can’t stand.” – Johnny Pemberton (17:07)

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5. Drug Use, Pain, and Weed Experiences (20:14–23:00)

• Pain Management: Stavi reveals using edibles for back pain and how it leads to zombie-like sleep.
• Weed & Anxiety: Johnny discusses how marijuana gives him racing thoughts and insomnia versus Stavi’s sleepiness.

Quote:
“My mind is just going... marching elves. It’s three o’clock in the morning.” – Johnny (19:42)

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6. Social Media & Tech Addiction (23:00–26:51)

• TikTok vs. Instagram Reels: Johnny sees TikTok as “deeper, more addictive trash”; Stavi wants a “Christopher Nolan” tech-free lifestyle.
• The Cost of Being Online: Both admit to recent brain mush and a longing for simpler, less-distracting times.

Quote:
“I want to go Nolan mode... I want someone to answer my email.” – Stavi (21:56)

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7. Nostalgia, Childhood Memories, and Aging (26:49–31:54)

• Minnesota Apocalyptic Rankings & Lake Living: Johnny describes Minnesota’s appeal and the super-rich buying up land for doomsday prepping.
• Childhood Joy: Discussion of how all favorite things are youthful memories and the fleeting magic of being a kid, especially during summer.

Quote:
“Is that the best feeling you'll ever get? A great summer day as a little ass kid.” – Stavi (28:43)

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8. Bad Doctors and Everyday Atrocities (29:27–35:00)

• Medical Horror Stories: Tangent about doctors and dentists committing atrocities.
• Numbness to Misery: Both bemoan learning too much bad news as adults and deciding to “coast” and focus on small joys.

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9. Albania, Protest, and the Power of Small Countries (34:06–37:12)

• Albania Shout-Out: Discussion of protests over Jared Kushner’s attempted land grabs, and admiration for Albanian resistance.
• Comedic Tirades: Johnny improvises a series of violent “Albanian” curses toward Ivanka Trump for comedic effect.

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10. Conspiracies, Coast to Coast AM, and the Politics of Paranoia (37:53–43:42)

• Radio’s Shift Right: Johnny laments how formerly “fun” Coast to Coast AM conspiracy talk has been overtaken by right-wing paranoia.
• Corporate Lies: Conversation about how corporations and politicians lie with greater shamelessness, and AI’s potential to make things worse.

Quote:
“It used to be non-political—you were just insane and a fun guy...” – Stavi (38:20)

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11. AI, Creativity, and Sexual Fantasy Technology (43:42–48:59)

• Low-class AI Aesthetic: Stavi predicts AI-generated signs and images will look “cheap” and “uncreative.”
• AI Art & Incel Culture: Riff on how AI art is a refuge for failed creatives and a possible further retreat for incels.
• AI Titties Bit: Comedic musings on technology’s potential to manipulate and distract men, including a fake thought experiment about giving AI-generated porn to Hitler to redirect his ambition.

Quote:
“AI is sort of the incel route out—or maybe burrowing in deeper.” – Johnny (45:11)

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12. Listener Calls & Advice (52:19–101:10)

a) Old Xbox Friendship Meet-Up (52:19–64:14)

• Situation: Woman wonders if she should meet a childhood Xbox friend IRL; both in relationships.
• Advice: Check intentions; be open with partners; group meet-up is less weird than 1:1.
• Memorable Bit: Wild escalation where Johnny jokes about “crossing state lines” always sounding intent on trouble.

b) Bisexual Drunken Infidelity (66:06–75:09)

• Situation: Woman cheats on long-term boyfriend with a female friend, doesn’t see why it’s a big deal.
• Advice: It's still cheating—your logic is “stupid or in denial.” Either be up front about relationship boundaries or accept you risked (and maybe ruined) the relationship.
• Quote:
  *“Philosophically it pains me to say two girls hooking up is bad, but in this case, it is.” – Stavi (73:28)

c) Virgin Tempted by Sketchy Online Offer (75:42–85:42)

• Situation: 18-year-old almost lured by older, chaotic woman from Reddit for “first time.”
• Advice: Don’t do it. Too much risk; don’t be desperate. There is time and better options, including hiring a sex worker safely as an adult if needed.

d) Friend’s Controlling Partner Hijacks Group Chat (88:45–100:36)

• Situation: Longtime friend’s partner (with BPD) commandeers his phone, attacks the guys for talking about an OnlyFans girl.
• Advice: Don’t engage the partner. Call your friend directly to check in; you can’t “save” him but can support him. Establish separate group chats—a “clean” and a “dirty” one.
• Memorable Moment:
  *“Realistically now you have to act as if the phones are tapped...” – Stavi (98:50)

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Notable Quotes

• On Incels & Dating:
  “You can stand apart so easy by just like sort of being kind.” — Stavi (11:19)

• On AI Creativity:
  “If you use AI for anything creative, you’re a fucking idiot.” — Stavi (44:08)

• On Cheating with Girls:
  “Philosophically, it hurts me to say two girls hooking up is bad. But in this case, it is.” — Stavi (73:28)

• On Friendship & Group Chats:
  “Realistically, now you have to act as if the phones are tapped.” — Stavi (98:50)

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Listener Calls: Timestamps

• [52:19] — Xbox friendship dilemma
• [66:06] — Bisexual drunken infidelity; too “twisted”
• [75:42] — Virgin rope-a-doped by chaotic online crush
• [88:45] — Group chat hijacked by friend's BPD partner

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Closing Section

Johnny plugs upcoming tour dates and his movie “Mermaid.” Stavi riffs about recording his special. Both thank each other and the audience, promising even more advice and chaos in the future.

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Overall Tone and Style

The episode is as raucous, rambling, and honest as ever—equal parts lowbrow, self-deprecating, and surprisingly wise. Stavi and Johnny seamlessly flip from absurdist bits to good-hearted, concrete advice, always mining humor from the peculiarities of modern life and relationships.

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For listeners who haven’t heard:

• The episode exemplifies the Stavvy’s World mix of “advice you’d actually give your friends,” irreverent digressions, and comic banter. Whether you’re facing relationship dilemmas, questions about creativity, or just craving a laugh with a wild perspective, this episode delivers.

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Want to be part of the show?
Call 904-800-STAV and leave your problem for a chance at that special brand of Stavvy’s wisdom (and ridicule).

Transcript

[Stavi]

Some things are better when they're kept

[Caller 1]

simple, like simply lemonade made with real

[Stavi]

lemons and cane sugar, giving you a fresh, all natural taste that shines through in every sip. It's the kind of drink that turns

[Caller 1]

an everyday moment into something a little

[Stavi]

more special, bright, refreshing, and crafted for people who appreciate the real thing. Visit the chilled juice aisle in your local grocery store today and say yes to simple. Carter's has your family covered for every summer first, first steps, first swim lesson, or first sleepover. Our clothes help kids and parents have their best summer ever. Thanks to comfy design and easy dressing details, generations of families have trusted our must haves for babies, toddlers and kids designed to shine season after season. Visit Carters.com to shop the latest styles or find a Carter store near you. Welcome, Everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-stop. Call the Stavi's World hotline, presented by Visible and we'll solve all your problems. We're here on a beautiful, beautiful summer day in Manhattan, and we've got first timer Johnny Pemberton on the couch. What's up, Johnny?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Hey, I'm first timer.

[Stavi]

First timer Johnny Pemberton's on the couch.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Long time timer. First time.

[Caller 2]

Time.

[Johnny Pemberton]

First time. Dipper.

[Stavi]

We love when you dip for the first time.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Nothing beats the first dip.

[Stavi]

And people don'. Know. But we do have a Home Depot bucket full of nacho cheese you have to dip your nuts into.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay.

[Stavi]

Before you do the podcast before, but haven't already started. You haven't dipped. You didn't dip your nuts in the nacho cheese bucket.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, I was. I did. I did it, but I didn't.

[Stavi]

You just did it for fun. You didn't know that was a part of it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I did it for me.

[Stavi]

But now.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Now that I know it's okay. It's like, okay. I thought I was with you.

[Stavi]

No, no. I would have been pissed if you didn't dip your.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I was going to show you my orange nuts after the end of the podcast or show you that have like, look what I did. I did it in the. I did it in the cheese.

[Stavi]

And you would have showed us. We were like, y. Yeah. I mean, that's what you do.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I would have been very disappointed.

[Stavi]

That's all right. I'm glad we got that out of, you know, we got that. So he has dipped his nuts in the nacho cheese Home Depot bucket. And don't bring a Lowe's bucket. Don't do it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't know what that is. Is that like, isn't that a casino?

[Stavi]

Lowe's is casino, right? You know what? I guess there's Lowe's. That. It's a movie. Well, the one I'm thinking of is a competitor. Home Depot. It's a big box.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Hotel.

[Stavi]

There's a hotel. Maybe there's a casino. And there is. That's a type of movie theater, isn't it?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think so.

[Stavi]

Maybe it was eldest.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I feel like all theaters are done now.

[Stavi]

Little producing for sake. You fresh off? Fresh off. This. This guy just got back from a vacation.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Where'd you vacay?

[Eldis]

It doesn't count as a vacation if you have to go for a wedding.

[Stavi]

No, no, no. It counts when you completely ruin our schedule. I was on a movie for a month. Did he go then? No, he went when I was. He went when I.

[Eldis]

Wedding was locked, man.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Decide when.

[Stavi]

Oh, really? Did you go on a. When was the wedding? Before, was the wedding. Did the wedding just happen or did the wedding happen at the beginning of the trip?

[Eldis]

It was this weekend.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You guys want me to leave? You want to, like.

[Stavi]

No.

[Eldis]

Johnny, say adjudication.

[Caller 1]

I got.

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's cheese out there. I got a fresh coffee. I'm good.

[Stavi]

We do have a nice snack set up.

[Caller 3]

We.

[Stavi]

Okay. We have. We've been bragging about being in a new studio, but nothing has changed visually. To the listener. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

To me, I don't know.

[Stavi]

It looks like there will be changes at some point, but the outside. Every room outside of this is nice. We got. The snacks are pretty nice out there.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's nice and cool, too.

[Stavi]

Nice and cool here.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Places are hot. And you're like, well, we're working.

[Stavi]

We are working on that. When's our AC renovation happening? Elders, do you know?

[Eldis]

I'm waiting for a response still from this woman.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But it is cool. It is very cool.

[Eldis]

I'm chipping away.

[Stavi]

It'll. Outside is nice and cold in here. We still need to get a little frigid. You're not a fat guy. That's the thing you got. You're a slight man.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, I'm pretty. I have. Like, if I took my shirt off, you'd be a little disappointed.

[Stavi]

No, I'm not saying you're hot. I'm just saying you're not.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I wasn't taking that. I did not think that. Believe me, I wasn't confused about that at all.

[Stavi]

I can see you got some little titties, probably. You know what I mean? Maybe a little paunch.

[Johnny Pemberton]

A little pon. Son.

[Stavi]

A little Ponson.

[Johnny Pemberton]

A little Ponson. But the Ponson. I don't mind having a little Ponson.

[Stavi]

No, no, no.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Remember that dad bod they were trying to sell us years ago?

[Stavi]

Of course, I.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's. That's like a Casiope.

[Eldis]

It.

[Stavi]

I think the thing, you know, I. As somebody who. I think the dad bod thing was purely just another. It's just repackaging of how much easier it is to be a man. Like, every 30 years, there's a whole thing of, like. It's like, you know. Now, I do think there's a little bit to it because you see all these, like, looks maxing guys, or you see, like, a really jacked guy, and women straight up don't want to really. Those guys. Some women do.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't think anybody wants to even be near those guys. They're scary.

[Stavi]

Gay guys want to.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Them.

[Caller 1]

Them.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. But even then, it's like.

[Stavi]

That's, like part of the trade for sure.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They're like, just in and out, living with. No one's living with. Clavicular.

[Stavi]

Oh, I bet. You know, I bet Peter Thiel would love to have him chained up.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And like, you know, have him have

[Johnny Pemberton]

like a ring and tang in there.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Occasionally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, rips off a cheek.

[Stavi]

Yeah, absolutely. I bet you that would be, like, a nice coup. Because I'm. I'm assuming Peter Thiel's like, twinks are now anonymous. That he can throw off a balcony whenever he wants. It would make. I wonder if it's a little more juice. If you get a famous sex slave. You try and groom Johnny. Look, we just talked about. You got the little tea. You're not his guy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm Twink. I'm almost aging out of the twink thing. I mean, I think I have aged out.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But that was the thing. I learned about that in la. My first. My first job, like, maybe the first few weeks I was there. There's a guy who worked there, he was a gay man, and he said that word to me, and I was like, what's. Like, what's a twink?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And I was like, you found out the hard way. I have currency.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I have. I've got some. I've got some leverage on this guy.

[Stavi]

Yeah. When you first moved. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because I looked like. I mean, I look like I was someone's.

[Stavi]

This is what, 40, 50 years? Yes.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This is 1974. And it was right one. It was right when Darryl Zanuck had just died and they were restructuring the department and they needed someone to come in and you know, find a way to make these movies. Movies, These talkies, they just weren't working.

[Stavi]

Right. Right, right. But so, yeah, we're talking about you moved to LA, probably. What, like, what are we talking about, 2006, 2005. Okay, so a smooth 20 years ago.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. It's so weird to say that word.

[Stavi]

I know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because now when I talk about stuff, like, I used to have, like, a reference like, oh, this was 10 years ago. And now I'm just. I say, oh, that was a long time ago.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because I don't even know. Because also, the pandemic just soaked up all that time where, of course, was it three years? Was it. You know, you didn't see somebody for maybe four or five years, and next thing you know, like, oh, I don't ever.

[Stavi]

Oh, they're married.

[Caller 3]

That's the thing.

[Stavi]

Did get really crazy because it didn't feel in some ways, with certain people, it's like you didn't miss a beat. Everything's exactly the same. Maybe they have a different haircut. For example, I did grow. The pandemic is the reason I grew my hair out, which, thank God, that. And I think we can all agree it was worth it because I never would have the courage to try bald long hair.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's a courage thing.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. Courage, dude.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, you have a lot of predecessors.

[Stavi]

I'm lionhearted.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You got. Stephen Wright is.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Who else? The guy. That guy who's really tall, who talks like this in movies. You know, they're really. He's like a character actor. He looks scary.

[Stavi]

I'm not. It's not. I'm not getting somebody right now. Because it did feel like you were just saying Stephen. Right Again.

[Guest/Producer]

Until you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's like a really big guy. This is one of those things where, you know, 45 minutes later, you know, he. He was Bond movies.

[Stavi]

He was wearing a blue shirt.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You know, he had that line where he'd say, doobie.

[Caller 1]

Doobie.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But it was different. It sounds like a sound, but he was really scary to. What's her name? Not Diane Keaton. But she looks like Diane Keaton. She's still alive, I think. It's not Diane Lane.

[Stavi]

Is she still alive?

[Johnny Pemberton]

She's beautiful.

[Stavi]

And then, let's not forget the movie where she cucks serious. Richard Gere. Isn't that Diane Lane?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't know. What movie is that?

[Stavi]

Right. Eldest. That feels like an eldest classic. You love movies for women.

[Eldis]

What's it called? Unfaithful.

[Stavi]

Unfaithful, Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't even Know about this.

[Stavi]

That's a good one.

[Eldis]

Richard Gear gets movies. Awesome.

[Stavi]

Richard Gear gets cucked big time. I know it. That's one of those classics. You find it as a teenager because a hot actress is getting in it, right. And you jack off to it when you're 14, and then you watch and you're like, hey, this is a pretty good movie.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I never even heard of that movie Unfaithful.

[Eldis]

It's.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's actually good.

[Stavi]

I. I think it's good. Yeah. It's like 70s or 80s, 90s and maybe even 90s 80s.

[Eldis]

It was 2000s, I believe.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So this is.

[Stavi]

This is now like early 2000s. So that's. Yeah, maybe that's a. That's, you know, I caught it fresh when it was on Mr. Skin, you know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

All right, Mr.

[Stavi]

I'm slightly younger than you. So. Yeah, just that. That little change is in Just that little window is enough, you know, Trying to remember that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

When was Perfect Storm?

[Stavi]

Perfect Storm. That was in. No, that was early 2000s, too.

[Eldis]

Oh, that was 2000.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So is this after Perfect Storm?

[Stavi]

After Perfect Storm.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's how I.

[Stavi]

The great dividing line in Hollywood post the perfect.

[Eldis]

A bedrock moment.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

It's like APS or bps.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That movie is studded. It's like, got everybody in it. Everyone's got all these beautiful people who

[Stavi]

would never set foot, never be BO.

[Johnny Pemberton]

In the state that is. You would never even go in that. Is that Boston or is it.

[Stavi]

I think it's some. Some New England.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. God, it's all even, like. Well, even like William Fickner, like young William F. That guy was hot.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yep. He was. You know, that is. And you got to be hot in different ways. Kind of circling back to the bald hair thing, right There was. Now, look, I'm not going for hot bald. I'm going for a very specific thing. But there is. I feel like in the. In the 70s and 80s, you could be just straight up balding and be. And that kind of goes back to the dad bod thing. Right? It's like, it's just so much easier to be considered a sexy man compared to a woman. It's like. And I think that's what the. I do believe that is what the. All the dad Bodhi was.

[Guest/Producer]

And.

[Stavi]

And then guys. And then this would happen. We're just straight up fat guys would be like, yeah, dad, but guys. They're not talking about us.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, that's not.

[Stavi]

They're talking about a guy who can bench press a lot, but has a layer Of a thin layer of a fat over his, like, nice muscles.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Don't matter. The dad at the baseball game who catches the ball while holding the baby and has the beer like that shit. That's the dad bod.

[Stavi]

And you know what? I think dad had a lot to do with it. Because psychologically, it's like someone who is in their child's life a man they can depend on.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean?

[Johnny Pemberton]

A dad.

[Caller 3]

Who's there?

[Stavi]

Who's there? I think it was really. It's really crazy. It's like I. I really just want. We need to figure out like a seminar or something. Eldest like, I want to speak to incels directly.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh my God.

[Stavi]

Because it actually is the easiest it's ever been to be a good guy. It's. You can stand apart so easy by just like sort of being kind.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just do anything. Just do anything. Have one hobby, one thing. Like you don't have to play the guitar. Just have to have a guitar.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be a guitar. Collect. That's something.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because to me, when I was, you know, before I got laid, which was not. I did not get laid in high school.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, so I was an incel then.

[Stavi]

You're probably a slight little boy. I was little bird bones.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I was a little lady.

[Stavi]

I was a little.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I wasn't even a lady. I was like, like a girl.

[Stavi]

I bet you were really a really cute child.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I guess so.

[Stavi]

Because you have like this twinkle in your eyes that does not match with your current body. You have a sense of wonder.

[Guest/Producer]

I'm done.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm done. Jesus Christ.

[Stavi]

I don't have the twinkle. I just have the fucked up body. I'd love.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'd love twinkle eyes without the twink.

[Stavi]

Yeah, the twink is dead, but the twinkle's alive and well in your eyes.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, that idea. Something like that. But you remember, just like you try to get laid.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like the fact they have a name for it. It's like guys don't have a fucking name for it.

[Stavi]

I know, I know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Why you telling people?

[Stavi]

Totally, totally.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Don't tell anybody until you get it done. Then you tell people, hey, guys, I was a virgin.

[Stavi]

I used to be. Yeah, that is true.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's.

[Stavi]

That's really what. You're right. Because when we were growing up, the, the, the fear was being a virgin forever.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh my God.

[Stavi]

But once you got pussy, once you're like, great, I'll go, I'll go six years without getting pussy. I'm not a virgin. You know what I mean? It's it's this thing of, like. Go ahead.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, I think.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, It's. It's. Yeah, it's just this thing of like, I don't know. It's like, maybe these guys need to. Maybe they are virgins.

[Caller 3]

I don't.

[Stavi]

I don't know. But either way, you know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, I guess it doesn't mean that, right? Because it means involuntary celibates.

[Stavi]

They could have had involuntary celibacy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right. But it seems like once you figure out how to pick the lock once, you're gonna.

[Stavi]

Should be.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, yeah, the locks.

[Stavi]

It's like everything else. You used to be able to buy something. Now everything is subscription service, even getting. It's like you have to renew every month or else you're a loser. It's like, that's not how it used to be, man. You used to be able to get pussy four times a year and talk about it with your boys and that, you know, obviously it would run out of steam eventually, and then you get in a relationship and, you know, all this kind of thing. But it is. I don't know. I wonder. Anyway, we got it. We got to go fucking town to town, barnstorming, getting the incels together.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I would love to do that, actually, because I really feel like they just need to have someone, like, slap them in the face and just, like, stop. Just do something.

[Stavi]

Yeah, do anything at all. Be nice. Smile, Take a show.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Hey, bro, have you ever tried? Yeah, just try really hard. There's so many ugly dudes who like.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I think part of it, too, is, like, no one's rewarded with, like, it. Actually, they are right, in that everything in society is harder now. Like, when you try and like, everything but interpersonal relationships, right? Like. Like, actually even interpersonal relations, because most people don't live in, like, cool city, walkable cities where people are mingling. A lot of people are in, like, a fucking, you know, in some shitty suburb where they can't. Where they can't, you know, connect to people. But I think, like, it is harder to fucking get a good job. It is harder to, like, do anything. And I think if you just feel like a loser in every sense, you think, well, if I can't get these things done, how am I gonna get, you know, affection from a woman? And they've thought that it's all. It's all transaction based when the reality

[Johnny Pemberton]

is you have to be cool.

[Stavi]

But, like, yeah, that. That's the only thing you don't need any of that shit for if you're cool. Like, human Is like a thing even fucking cavemen were up to.

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's women who date, like, basically homeless guys.

[Stavi]

Yes, absolutely.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I just. He's so cool.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's so funny. You know, that was the thing, like, being a comedian. I. I used to be in a band.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That was the whole point of being in a band was like, the whole point. Like maybe, maybe, just maybe

[Stavi]

the amount of effort you put into it just to maybe how. And what. What kind of. What style band are we talking here?

[Johnny Pemberton]

For a while, it was like just Nirvana and Smashing Pumpkins covers. Okay. Then I would play like a jazz

[Stavi]

trio, high school stuff.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But that also. That gets you, like, you know, divorcees wanna want to talk to you.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It definitely was not. I know. Yeah, it was nothing.

[Stavi]

Transitioning to jazz trio in high school is a really funny move.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It was. It was fun. I loved it. But it definitely was not.

[Stavi]

Did you keep playing music afterwards or. No.

[Johnny Pemberton]

A little bit. It's just hard to have a band because you have to, like, you know, deal with the flakiest people on earth, of course. And I just wasn't that. I was good, but one of my good friends was so good. He went to music school. I'm like, well, if. If you don't go to music school, then it just becomes a hobby. Yeah, I still have my bass and stuff. I play drums a little bit with like a band, but, you know, it's just like.

[Stavi]

You just want to do that to feel cool. I feel like high school kid. Like, I tried to learn guitar, couldn't do it. Fingers too stubby. Sausage. Fingers too fat. Yeah, I should have gotten a little guitar.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like a violin.

[Stavi]

Like a wide violin.

[Eldis]

It's a fiddle.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Get a fiddle.

[Stavi]

Fiddle's not bad.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That would probably get some. Yeah, get some pussy with the fiddle.

[Stavi]

I can't play anything. I have no musical acumen whatsoever. And I wish. Music is so much better than comedy. It's not even close. It's not even fucking close.

[Caller 1]

So.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Not even close at all.

[Stavi]

It's so prime. Like you could just. You could go just into a completely different country and sell out a arena.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's. I'm so jealous of all those guys. All of them go to Japan.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You can play tons of dates in Japan.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Except Elvis. Colonel Tom never let him go to Japan.

[Eldis]

Right?

[Stavi]

Something like. Yeah, yeah. You're the Colonel Tom Historian dude.

[Eldis]

You should know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Who's Colonel Tom?

[Stavi]

He's the. The fat German that Tom Hanks played in the Boss Luhrmann Elvis movie.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I didn't see it.

[Stavi]

It's pretty good.

[Eldis]

Is it?

[Stavi]

It.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Honestly, like Elvis, I can't stand.

[Stavi]

Oh, can't stand Elvis.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, I just really can't. I mean, it took me.

[Stavi]

Where does the disdain for Elvis star?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just his music. I feel like. It feels like. I don't know, it's just all. It's like, you know, that music where it's like,

[Caller 1]

you know,

[Johnny Pemberton]

it's like a. Like a 1950s nightmare or something like that, where you can't stand it.

[Stavi]

That's interesting. I was a big Elvis as a baby. I liked Elvis.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So that makes sense.

[Stavi]

As like a little kid baby music. It kind of. I kind of know what you're talking about. That's when the. The minds of the American populace were simpler and docile, you know, you didn't have to think too much. You knew President Eisenhower had your back, right? You know, and. Yeah. Did a couple. Did we have to round up a couple Japanese Americans and put them in a camp?

[Johnny Pemberton]

What happened? Are you serious?

[Caller 1]

What happened?

[Stavi]

But the. But the President wouldn't do anything wrong.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No, he was squeaky clean. He was Ike.

[Stavi]

He's the President. And I don't mean. That was fdr. I know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, right.

[Stavi]

Every Republican get off my dick, saying, oh, you're socialist president. Put Japanese. Shut up. Yeah, the point stands, ok. Shout out to fdr. Except for that. That I don't fuck with fdr. Getting pussy from many mistresses and dying in the hotbeds or the hot.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's like every president though, isn't it?

[Stavi]

He died at the hot springs. Nah, just the good. Honestly, the cool ones. Except Clinton. Clinton was kind of a piece of shit, but Kennedy and fdr. Yeah, kind of pretty cool.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You think FDR was on lots of drugs and stuff?

[Stavi]

Oh, that's a great question.

[Johnny Pemberton]

JFK was definitely on. JFK was tons of speed.

[Stavi]

Yeah, he was.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He was.

[Stavi]

He was honestly getting some speed balls going.

[Eldis]

Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

Because he had a bad back, so I'm sure he had some kind of weird. Well, bad back pain.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Everybody who takes drugs has a bad back. Like, didn't Cobain have a bad back?

[Stavi]

I don't know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He had some sort of a pain thing, which is like. It's like the ultimate way to like.

[Stavi]

Oh, dude, I know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I gotta take my medicine now.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, man. My medicine.

[Stavi]

I have to. Dude, you know how I threw my back out this year and it. And I was just like, I cannot start taking pills.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No, I know.

[Stavi]

It would me up. Instead I started doing. I mean, Steroids. No, A little bit, yeah. I have a cortisone shot in my back.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Great though.

[Stavi]

It is good, but you can't do it forever. But what I was doing as a painkiller was straight up 100 milligrams of edibles. So I was like, oh, man.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think that's anti pain for me.

[Stavi]

It were. It worked. But my brain was mush and I had this. And even right now, I'm like. But I slept. So I slept like 14 hours every day.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I can't. If I take this stuff, I cannot sleep.

[Stavi]

Really.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, weed makes me like, I have to take like a sleeping pill if I have have too much weed. I really cannot sleep. It's just like. It's like a little elves just marching and dancing. Hey, it's time for the show. Time for the show. I'm like, it. It's three o' clock in the morning.

[Stavi]

Is there a specific anxiety that gets to you with when you're with Simon?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Anxiety? It's just too much. My mind is just going. It's like chugging. I think that's like a fundamental difference between two people is if. Does we make you sleepy? Does weed, like, wake you up?

[Stavi]

Interesting. Yeah, I'm asleep. I'm definitely a sleepy guy. Although I had a little weed.

[Caller 1]

I'm.

[Stavi]

Here's how much I like, I now know each. Each week I gain more knowledge about weed.

[Eldis]

Really.

[Stavi]

And like, now I know which edibles make me nervous. Like, I know the brands. I know like which brands. Which whatever one really fucked me up. Yes. Like three days ago I tried to sleep and that happened to me. And it was actually brutal because I was just thinking, like, fuck, dude, you fucking suck. It was. It was just the most negative shit. And usually I'm just in a blissful, like, it's. Usually I, like, I would take it when I was depressed and I wanted to just fast forward a couple of days really, because I would get so fucked up.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Man, I wish I could do that.

[Stavi]

It was fun. Until it goes into that. It hits that anxiety vein and it was like. And it just makes you think things that, you know, logically you don't believe.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They're not true at all.

[Stavi]

They're not true at all. It's like it. It was shit talking. Me, my friends, like, just the fact that it got to like my friends was crazy. It's like, you got. Why is my brain on my friends?

[Guest/Producer]

Right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Choose that guy.

[Stavi]

And I was just like, fucking. And then. And then I have to just like scroll or listen to a podcast. Just put My mind, I couldn't even, I can't even read when I'm that kind of, that kind of high.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But you, you look at Tick Tock at all.

[Stavi]

I, Right now I'm really.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No. Right.

[Stavi]

I don't, I don't do tick. But I mean, Instagram reels is the exact same thing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I feel like it's not. I feel like Tick Tock is different. Tick Tock is like a deeper, more addictive thing because, like, Instagram reels is basically, at least for me, it's like, this is trash.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This is like, you know, something about TikTok, man. It's so addictive. I can't. I hate it. I hate it.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I, I, I have to, I have to just, like, we need to hire another. We need a different friend of ours to just hold my phone so I never have to look at it. I need to just hire someone to just, like, read me. I want to go Nolan mode, where Christopher Nolan says he doesn't have a flip phone, but it's like he has a flip phone or doesn't. I'm sorry. He does have a flip phone. He's never had, he's never used email. He's never, he's never had a smartphone. And it's like. But somebody's doing that for you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, someone's doing it. It's like saying, I don't tie my shoes or something. Well, they're tied, so.

[Stavi]

And I'm sure that's good for him. Like, definitely that's helped him be that and, you know, one of the generational filmmaker and. But he is pushing that off someone. And what I'm saying is I'd like to push that off to someone. I'd like to make someone have to fucking answer my email because my brain has been. The last couple days have been kind of mush, but we're getting it back. We'll get, we'll get back in there. I mean, by the time people are hearing this, you know what? I'm not going to stop. I'm going to stop actually talking about what's happening in the future because we did a couple episodes where I was like, and by now the special's done. And then I broke my arm immediately. So I'm not saying that we're about to shoot the special.

[Guest/Producer]

We're not.

[Stavi]

You know, but when people are hearing this, who fucking knows? I'm not even going to, I'm not going to start talking about the future.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But there might be some planes coming for us right now.

[Stavi]

That's True. There could be a really low plane, really low planes, really good pilots with making really poor choices about what kind of terrorism to do. Because taking out the stabby baby Enterprises global headquarters, that is not what I would target if I was trying to destabilize New York personally. But who knows?

[Johnny Pemberton]

What would you target?

[Stavi]

I don't want to say.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You want to say that?

[Stavi]

You don't want to say. I don't want to help plan 911 2.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That would be crazy if we did have a second one. It was fun called. It keeps going like, yeah, we can't help. It's 911 too.

[Stavi]

What if they, what if they did it on 9 12?

[Johnny Pemberton]

That would be very.

[Stavi]

That would be convenient for the, like the, like, you know, they don't have

[Johnny Pemberton]

a guy now who can do that. Like Bin Laden was the guy.

[Stavi]

They're like, you think there's a dearth of terrorist talent out there right now?

[Johnny Pemberton]

They're scrambling right now.

[Stavi]

We're in a. We're, we're in a. We're in a low. We're in a fallow period for terrorism.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like the QB room on like the worst football.

[Stavi]

It's like a bad draft.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

God, the, the Jamarcus Russell draft like

[Johnny Pemberton]

the Bears five years ago.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's the number one pick.

[Stavi]

Yeah. We got the mixed trubisky of Osama bin Laden's right now.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They can't even before koc.

[Stavi]

Yeah. This episode is sponsored by bluechew. Fellas, you know what women want and need. And I'm not talking about the Mel Gibson movie what women want where he can read their minds. I'm talking about a stiff. Something something. Be her rock. With Bluechew with their new arousal boosting formula, you're getting turned on mentally and hard. Physically bricked in the brain, bricked in the body. Bluechew Gold is better sex in a tablet. They combined four ingredients into one powerful solution. It works fast and last. Knock knock. Who's there? Knock knock. Knock, knock, knock, knock. Knock knock. You know what I'm saying? There's a reason Bluechew is the number one brand for better sex. Experience it [e-mail] and we've got a special deal for our listeners right now. When you buy two months of BlueChew Gold, you get the third free with promo code Stavi. That's promo code Stavi. You will also receive an additional 10% off plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluetooth.com for more details. And important safety information. We thank Bluechew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. It's officially summer, folks, and boy, what a summer are we having. We got championships to celebrate, countless games to watch, and good old fashioned fun to be had, like riding a scooter, even though you're a frugal grown adult.

[Eldis]

Hmm.

[Stavi]

Interesting addition, Visible to the script this week. It's shaping up to be a legendary one. One you don't want to miss a moment of this summer. That is your best companion this summer. Visible Wireless. We love Visible. As you know, they are now sponsoring the Stavis World hotline. And Visible gives you unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon for just $25 a month so you can save and still order a few rounds at happy hour. Visible is more than just a wireless plan. It's unlimited wireless designed to always keep you connected and there's no contract to tie you down. We love Visible here at Stavi's World. You're going to love it too. Switch today at visible.com plans start at $25 a month. Or get their premium visible plus pro plan and save $10 on your first month when you use promo code stav terms apply. See visible.com for plan features and network management details. Are you for. You're from Minnesota. Minnesota.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's where I grew up at least.

[Stavi]

Yeah, you grew up there. Okay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Where you were. Honestly, sick place. I.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's great, you know, it's very cold.

[Stavi]

Yeah. That's tough.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And it's also. I don't know. I like it a lot. I do like going back there, but I would never.

[Stavi]

It's the.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Even there is different.

[Stavi]

Have you heard like it's like the number one. Not number one, but it's like pretty high up there on the apocalypse rankings.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, definitely. All the fresh water.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

All like the arable land, all the good spaces and stuff.

[Stavi]

I think a lot of are buying like rich are buying bunkers.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's been bought all the land along Lake Superior. Like it's all rich people buying it up because it's fresh water and stuff.

[Caller 3]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think it's too late.

[Stavi]

Too late for us to pivot.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We could probably get like a. Buy a little lake or something like that. I would like to do that. If I get some real money. I want to buy like a compound up there on some lake like an hour from Minneapolis maybe.

[Stavi]

That's awesome. Yeah. I've become. I've been a lake skeptic. My.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Really.

[Stavi]

Because I'm a beach guy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh man.

[Stavi]

Yeah. This, this happened. If you grew up on a lake, you get it. I just think, you know, the big ass lakes are cool, but I just. I hate murky little ass water.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They're not murky.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Bad ones are murky. But when you get a good one,

[Stavi]

it's like all right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because it's like perfect. The temperature's warm and the shallows. I don't know, I think. You know what? Also, I haven't been in a lake in a while. So this is like memory talking.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I might go to the lake and be like, oh man. What the is this?

[Caller 1]

This.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They changed this lake.

[Stavi]

They ch. The. The. They put dirt in the lake.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Who's putting. Do they paint the bottom of this?

[Stavi]

And why is there algae in the lake now?

[Johnny Pemberton]

But they can be great though.

[Stavi]

But that's true. I guess that really what we're talking about is just everything you think you like, you're just remembering when you were young.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The best version of it.

[Stavi]

It's just your youth. It's just like you miss being a little kid on summer vacation, which might be. Is that the best feeling you'll ever get is like a great, like a great summer day on summer vacation when you're a little ass kid.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I seen like a girl in a bikini who.

[Stavi]

Oh yeah, that's nice.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And you know, that was going on.

[Stavi]

It's just the beginnings of getting horny because you don't have the ugliness of when it takes over your life.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And it turns you into Neanderthal. Like Dr. Jekyll. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Is it Mr. Hyde?

[Stavi]

Mr. Hyde is the fucked up one.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. The one who just like you're like a wraith.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like the. The for the ring. But it's, you know.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what Mr. Hyde was up to.

[Eldis]

Hyde's the bad one.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because the doctor can't be bad.

[Stavi]

Doctor can't be bad. No doctor's ever done anything bad. No, never, Never. There's not. There's never a weird news story about a dentist injecting his own jizz in his patients mouths or whatever. Or like a fertility doctor. All who like.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. They're all bad. It's so crazy, all these guys. It's just crazy. That's another thing like that men don't have to deal with usually.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's all women. Like anytime you go down, you have

[Stavi]

to think like that is true.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's just kind of gonna like, is this super nice guy going to Be the worst human alive.

[Stavi]

Right When I'm sleeping,

[Johnny Pemberton]

it's like, Christ, I don't want to know anything ever again. I feel like I know all the bad stuff at this point. I just want to coast with that.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I can dip in once in a while with a head, with a nightmare. But now I'm like, yeah, I'm kind of filled up with knowing about, oh, that. Oh, that happened.

[Eldis]

That's horrible.

[Stavi]

Life is a nightmare.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. No more new atrocities. I just want to.

[Stavi]

I guess it gets to the point that. Where you're so numb to atrocities.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Just like, oh, yeah, life's bad. And hopefully we just have a couple nice meals going on a couple vacations, you know, like, you're just trying to get the good, good stuff. See, you know. You know, watch a. Watch, like, a baby walk for the first time. You know what I mean? Like, see some beautiful shit. But even that sometimes, like, my brother just had a kid and some. And I'm like, the kids, I love him, right? He's the man, my nephew. But sometimes I'm like, you're so fucked.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, my God, that sucks dick.

[Stavi]

I don't know how for you, because right now is the best time in your life. Being a baby. So fucking awesome.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Cause I have a niece. It's the same thing. I don't know how. I don't know how you're a parent because you have to, like, navigate that stuff. How do you tell the kid, don't do this, don't do that. Like, are you gonna let them see an iPad? Like, you know it's bad.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Eldis]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But also. Yeah, yeah, fuck that.

[Stavi]

And then that's just the new stuff. Even the stuff. In a perfect world, it's like you will experience heartbreak. You will have some kind of physical accident. At some point, your body will deteriorate. You know what I mean? There's just, like, so many elements of life. The ones you love, us right now, these adults that love you and will do anything for you. We're gonna die. We're gonna fucking die, and it's gonna be br.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think about the stuff that I dealt with. I can't believe, like, if my kid told me that stuff, I would like, okay, I can't do anything but think about this thing.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You're experiencing secondhand.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Like, what. What are some of the most horrible things that have ever happened to you?

[Caller 2]

I mean.

[Stavi]

I'm kidding.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This camera.

[Stavi]

Just directly the camera. Okay, no, no, you don't have to say that. But actually, I do, because I Am a. I'm a fan of the Doughboys podcast and I did hear one of the most fucked up things of all time that happened to you, which is what was it? Just that you don't have a fucking, like intestine or something.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It didn't really happen. It wasn't like an event.

[Stavi]

Okay, okay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It didn't like I didn't get nailed down. They took it out. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was kind of like a

[Stavi]

long, protracted thing, which might be worse.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't know. I guess so. It's also. I've been dealing with it for so long. It's one of those things where I just, you know, I just know that's

[Stavi]

just how your life is.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Life, basically. I'm like, if there's a bathroom somewhere, I'm like, that's the bathroom.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I know where their bathrooms are.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right, right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You used to have like a crazy sixth sense for bathrooms.

[Stavi]

Like a thing where that's very useful.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, my God, it was crazy. I've impressed people with. Okay, that's the bathroom right there.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay. There's a water fountain, so that means there's probably pipes there. There's so many steps from that, you

[Stavi]

kind of could be a plumber. You're like half a plumber. Just because you've always had to show

[Johnny Pemberton]

how to learn how to fix toilets. And because I've clogged so many toilets in people's houses, you gotta learn to

[Stavi]

fix that toilet to have a seminar with Eldis, Eldis, Eldis. How many, how many plunges have you door dashed in your life, elders?

[Eldis]

Oh, I've never door dashed a plunger, but the first time I came to your apartment, I had to go out that night to buy a plunger.

[Stavi]

Oh, I remember. See nearby, I remember you really. You really christened my, my, my new apartment.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Was it first big?

[Eldis]

Not really. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I, I always think I'm like kind of reasonable on the paper. You probably fold too much.

[Stavi]

You're not. You've clogged every toilet we've ever shared in our lives.

[Eldis]

You know what? I will say just in Amsterdam, I have never clogged a European toilet yet. Well, you're going on with.

[Stavi]

You're not allowed to flush paper in Europe.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They also have bigger holes. They have like really big holes.

[Eldis]

I think it is. I think it is a big hole. I think it's like better water pressure too. Like the water in the toilet really gushes out.

[Stavi]

I guess it depends where you are, I guess.

[Eldis]

I don't know.

[Stavi]

You've never clogged an Albanian toilet? Well, I guess Albanian toilets are just. It's like a guy. Yeah, you just dig a hole in the ground in mud.

[Eldis]

We got toilets about 10 years ago.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You're Albanian?

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's cool. That's like the place where, you know, you always try to get people to go there. No one's like, I'm going to go to five other places first.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Well, I mean. Actually, you know what? Shout out to Albania. I respect. They fucking. They were protesting against Jared Kushner.

[Johnny Pemberton]

All right.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

The Kushners are trying to steal land from Albania. Those fucking cocksuckers. Shout out to Albanian man. Destroy everything, those pieces of shit. Try and build on your land.

[Eldis]

Yeah, we.

[Stavi]

You know what? The ironic racism towards Albania ends with the caveat. I'm still doing it to Eldis, but everybody else, I respect you. I love you, Albania. Shout out to you. America could use a little bit of that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But they did it, right? They overturned it.

[Eldis]

I think they paused it temporarily at least. Look, the thing is probably gonna.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I thought they did it for real.

[Stavi]

You're up against a lot. But I do think. I mean, that's. Unfortunately, we're kind of in an era where evil is winning objectively, and. And like, they know that you can just wait out. You can just wait out.

[Eldis]

You just.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You just time them out.

[Stavi]

You just time them out. They have all the resources in the world, so that's what I'm saying. But they don't know what it's like to go against fucking brick headed Albanians. Respect to you guys. You get something.

[Eldis]

I mean. I mean, you should be afraid of protests in a country where, like, barely anyone works. People are ready to go.

[Stavi]

They got time, dude. They're sharpening their sights.

[Eldis]

I also saw this awesome clip of a protester and he was like. He's basically threatening the Prime Minister's life. He was. He was like. He was like. He was like, I pray that. I pray that God takes mercy on him.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And then.

[Eldis]

And then at the end, he like switches to English with a heavy accent. He's like, fuck you, mother.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Fuck your sister.

[Stavi]

Oh, man, that's awesome. He's. He's so eloquent and Albanian. He's like, may his sins be forgiven. May the evils he's done upon this country be washed away like the rising tide. And then he's like, we fuck pussy with knife. We put knife in pussy and rip apart.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Ivanka, you have stick to go into ass out of pussy. You'll be blood from ass will be a mouth from me. You're having problem with your nipples. Nipples be chewed off by by fish. You will be alive drowning as nipples are eaten by.

[Stavi]

We wrap nipples in worms and have fish nibble at them.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We cut your hair to be ugly. And now you must go make life as whore as.

[Stavi]

Yeah. So shout out to Albania man. And shout out. Everybody should be reacting. Listen, take a look at what they're doing in Albania to the Jared Kush's. Think about doing that to data centers is what I'm saying as a joke on this joke podcast.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's all a joke. Wouldn't it be funny if you like I don't know, found a way to fire bomb that would be funny. Like a joke?

[Stavi]

Yeah, like in a cartoon. If we wrote a cartoon. You do a lot of voiceover work. You have a very distinctive great voice. Maybe we do a cartoon where you're a data center that's been set on fire. What would that sound like, Johnny?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Probably sound like this. I froze up.

[Stavi]

Great. That's what it would sound like.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The one guy who works there, the one job they've created is one guy. It's just Homer Simpson. Yeah, it's like worse than Homer Simpson.

[Stavi]

Oh God.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I've heard guys arguing about those data centers. You've recently like the guys who are the pro. No, the guys you listen to coast to coast Am.

[Stavi]

I just.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like this old AM radio show forever. It's like used to be about aliens and oh all kinds of stuff and you know, as with all stuff like that, it's trending to the right.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And all everyone.

[Stavi]

Which is a shame by the way.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's such a. It's the biggest shame.

[Stavi]

Conspiracy used to be kind of a. It's be fun hippie too.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like sometimes it was like communist. Like first of all a lot of left conspiracy theories are just true. It turns out we are run by pedophiles. You know it's like a lot of like like or just cap like the ruling class is trying to kill you is just true. Like it's not really a conspiracy theory and that. And then I don't know, I guess like aliens and shit. But it used to. Used to. It used to be non political. I guess it used to be an apolitical. You were just insane and a fun guy to talk to. But yes, they've been harnessed unfortunately a

[Johnny Pemberton]

little bit by the sucks because all those people are super paranoid. So a lot of them have had like, you know, very bad stuff happen to them.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So they're so paranoid about stuff and now they're like, they see these right wing people who are feeding into that paranoia and so they jump on that. They're like basically victims of all that. Those fucking hucksters.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Dude, it sucks. It used to be someone calling up. It was a call in show. If you want to hear like a character, man, that show.

[Stavi]

That's awesome.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Some lady in like Rhode island who's calling up saying, how So I have, I have a hundred rabbits, but three of them are able to speak to me. And they've been doing this for a few years now. And the host, George only is like, what language do they speak? There's never a question. It's never like, really? Yeah, they never doubt at all.

[Stavi]

That's awesome.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Someone's saying that. That's like a normal thing. There's guys up who are fully, super deeply bipolar.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Who are saying like, George, I know something's about to happen. I'm the only one who knows.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like, okay, great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All those guys now they're all like,

[Stavi]

you know, so what was going on in the. What were they talk. How do we start talking about this? Was it a something about. You ever listen to am?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, there's like a guy was listening to us to fall asleep the other night. And there's a guy, was like a pro data center guy interviewing someone.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's like, got that lobbyist voice, you know.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Sounds like Sydney Lumet or something. Was like, don't. No, there's nothing to worry about.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's nothing.

[Stavi]

It's innovation.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The jobs we're creating. These are very high paying jobs, hundreds of jobs. And actually, no, no, no, those are the old data centers with the diesel.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

These are gas. Like he says the word gas so fast you almost can't even hear it.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, it is.

[Stavi]

It's just been. It's so clear that all you have to do is just lie.

[Eldis]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

That's always been the truth. But it's like they used to have to. Used to have to kind of make it seem like base it in fact. Like, I just think about the Iraq war versus the Iran war where it was like they, they made Colin Powell, who was like a, you know, decorated

[Johnny Pemberton]

fan of his too.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Back in the day.

[Stavi]

Yeah, back in the day when we're kids, we're like, well, he's, you know, he's a general. We should listen to him. But they just made that guy give up so much of his personal credibility to pretend there was wmd. Like there used to be real sacrifices to certain people. Now they're just like, yeah, it's actually. We're just going. We're actually killing people in Venezuela because ah, they're drug guys.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh yeah, they're drug guys.

[Stavi]

Drug guys.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They just keep coming. They just keep coming.

[Stavi]

And it's like you could just do. It's kind of. We're kind of. I. It's crazy to be nostalgic for. Hey, can we get back to the. When the evil Republicans lied to us as if we were smart for even a second. Now they're like, no, it's fucking. They had a bomb or whatever the fuck.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They had no shame. It's like they have no shame. Like all you see these clips of C Span or something where you've got like some Democratic congressperson interviewing like a Republican, whatever the they are and they'll be saying all these facts and the guy is just. They don't. There's no. At all.

[Stavi]

No, that's actually not true. Which is a good. Honestly, it's like a smart. We just have to start playing fucking dirty at this point. I mean actually we're just on a such a post truth society. We're so fucked. And AI is. The one thing AI is going to be good for is putting. Is making a, you know, a Democrat running in a red state that might win, making them seem gay. That's the only thing AI would be good for. And just barely taking them down.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You see that guy who had this, his photo enhanced look like it's all muscular.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What the fuck?

[Stavi]

That was awesome.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And that's something they can probably just shrug off and say that was never out there. Yeah, they can say it because there's no. You can't verify anything now.

[Stavi]

I can't even verify about myself if

[Johnny Pemberton]

someone told me it's AI. But yeah, I guess it's AI.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't even know.

[Stavi]

I do think the one good thing about it is that I think what they've done, what I'm hopeful is that it will be seen as. It's like the aesthetic for really low class shit because like AI has taken over. You go to a fucking bodega, you go to a food truck, you go to like a laundromat, like just like, you know, cash. Businesses that operate on like lower, you know, the margins. The margins. Like it's just guys who, like before that it was a hand drawn sign they drew on a whiteboard. They're like, yeah, it. I can get like a. I can just AI a man. Yeah, but like that will look cheap in a bad way. And so that's all I'm hoping is that eventually how low class it looks or just how uncreative it does look low class.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I gotta show you this sign I saw yesterday by my hotel, man. This is like. This is the opposite of AI. I want this sign so bad, man. This. I just want this sign. Of course.

[Stavi]

And I would like to. And while Johnny's looking, I would like to say if you use AI, you are a corny. If you use it for anything creative, you're a fucking idiot. That's incredible. It just says we. I mean, this. Yeah, show that. Send it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Can you see that?

[Stavi]

Text it to me. We'll pop it in. That's.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, that is just the greatest sign of all time.

[Stavi]

That's really good.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That is the anti. Anti. Iai. Totally.

[Stavi]

But yeah, it's. It's okay to not be creative. That's the other thing. It's like, dude, I don't fucking. If there was like. If there was like a vid. If there was a thing where I could type in a video and it's like me, me scoring 20 points in an NBA game, that didn't happen. Why am I. Why would I watch that and be like, whoa, that's like these guys being like, look, I get. If you want to draw, you can't fucking draw. Figure out the thing that you're good at.

[Guest/Producer]

You.

[Stavi]

You want to make movies great, but you can't fucking do it. You suck dick at it. You're not creative. You're. But I'm sure you're good at other stuff. Why do you want to. It just. It also proves that everybody who's like art is fucking gay. And it doesn't matter. They actually want to. They want to be creative. It's cool. And now they think they can do computers to do it. And that's just not how this shit works. You're good at fucking computers. Go keep stealing money from people. You're doing great, you fucking vampires. Why do you also want to be creative anyway?

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's kind of incel. It is like AI is sort of like, maybe that's the incel route out. Or it's probably burrowing in deeper.

[Stavi]

It's burrowing in deeper because then I

[Johnny Pemberton]

don't need a girlfriend.

[Stavi]

Exactly. I'll make. I'll make fucking. I have akiko. My. My 40 triple G wage in girlfriend. IPad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, every once in a while, I am. My lizard brain is completely taken over by big bobbling AI titties.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I've never. I've never looked at that.

[Caller 2]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't even know what I'm referencing. Did I get it right? Did I get it right? The physics. The physics are just, like captivating because she goes left and they kind of go.

[Stavi]

I know, I know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The lag.

[Stavi]

It's all about the lag a little bit. They lag a little bit in a way that's not real to real life, but is real to the video games you used to beat off to when you were 11 or whatever.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, real enough.

[Stavi]

Real enough.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Lag.

[Stavi]

Doa, dead or alive, beach volleyball type shit.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's my super specific thing.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I gotta find a perfect lag.

[Stavi]

Physics lag. Titties.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm a mass lag guy.

[Stavi]

I think, oh, hell yeah, dude. I gotta get the mass to fucking bobble around.

[Guest/Producer]

I would.

[Stavi]

I think, like, I saw like in the World cup, there's so much. There's so much AI.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Is there really? I haven't watched.

[Stavi]

No, no, I just mean, like on the Internet, they'll just be like, check it out, it's German. Germany came German, hottest chick. But it's just like, these are clearly AI girls.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But for one second, it gets me too. And I'm like. I think if. Like, if you go back and think about what technology would be the most useful to take over the world. I mean, probably it's just guns, right? But if you had like a. If you could print out pictures of AI women that look like that and tell like a peasant, like, here, man, here's a hundred of these women. If you guys all fight my enemies, you'll get to all of these ladies.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You could probably.

[Stavi]

I bet you could take. I bet you could become like a. You could become like a landed. You could take over, like, England in the 1100s or whatever the. Or even. Not even that old. Maybe like the 19 we'd have. It would have to be the 19, like tens, when photographs were first starting, so people were at least familiar with it. But if you went and, you know,

[Johnny Pemberton]

you could clean up big time.

[Stavi]

Clean up big.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What's that saying? What's the old Arthur C. Clarke saying? Any advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just go back a little bit.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Johnny Pemberton]

If you have iPhone, you could probably rule the world. And like, the.

[Stavi]

I. I don't think that thousand years ago I don't. I don't know. What would I do if I went back in time with an iPhone? Just show them videos until it fell? Until it burned.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, because you have to bring, like, a special.

[Stavi]

You have to bring a bunch of batteries.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Bring a solar battery charger.

[Stavi]

Ooh, a solar charger. But then the second some barbarian smash smashes it, you're like, oh, I guess ultimately it's probably guns.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

What are we gonna do? Hand out pictures of ladies with big tits?

[Johnny Pemberton]

That would be the funniest guy to do. Just to be, like, the guy who thought, like, tits is what I need. Like, you ask the genie, what do you want? I want a thousand pictures of women with big tits.

[Stavi]

He's like, what?

[Johnny Pemberton]

The genie says, are you sure you want this?

[Stavi]

You just do that at Kinko's, man. Well, I also want to go back in time. I'm going to use the picture to stop Hitler. Stopping Hitler with. With huge.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, give Hitler AI so we can make his shitty art. He never becomes a dictator.

[Stavi]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That might actually work.

[Stavi]

What if you give him AI and he's like. He just shows everybody pictures of, like, blonde ladies with huge tits. He's like, this actually is what we're going for. Like, oh, fuck, dude. You know what I mean? Like, that's tough. So I don't know. That could go either way. Either he just stays at home making AI, or he becomes even more powerful.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, he kind of was pretty powerful. That's what I'm saying.

[Stavi]

That's what I'm saying. I don't want to make it as

[Johnny Pemberton]

far as you could get. Like, it did take.

[Stavi]

But what if that pushes him over the edge?

[Johnny Pemberton]

The two biggest armies in the world, they're like, yeah,

[Stavi]

millions of Russians at him. But what if. What if he's also. What if at D Day, he unfurls two huge banners with ladies with huge

[Johnny Pemberton]

tits and all the guys, they're just drooling, getting shot in the head.

[Stavi]

What if saving Bright Ryan started like that? And it's like, they're coming out, and then it's like, whoa, dude, look how big those tits are. And then. I don't know. Something to think about.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We would have never.

[Stavi]

Military historians call in, let us know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, I forgot about that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's exciting.

[Stavi]

It is exciting. The. The d. What. What did you forget about?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, getting calls.

[Stavi]

Oh, yes, we are going to do some calls.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Sorry. Very fun.

[Stavi]

Why don't we go. You know you forgot about it, Johnny. But I didn't forget about the Stavi's World Hotline presented by Visible we're about to take some calls right now and solve some people's lives. Aren't we elders? What do we got first, little buddy? You know when everyone on your team thinks someone else handled it? The call, the text, the follow up. Meanwhile, the customer's just sitting there like hello. That's how you quietly lose business. So yeah, at a certain point it's like, let's fucking Quo. That's why today's episode is brought to you by Quo, spelled Q U O, the business communication system built so you never miss a call. With Quo, your entire team can handle calls and texts from one shared number. So no more missed messages or dropped conversations. Everyone sees the full thread, replies are faster, and customers actually feel taken care of. It works wherever you are, right from your phone or computer. Keep your existing number, add teammates in minutes, sync your CRM and let the call routing handle itself as you scale, money is on the line. Always say hello with quo. Try quo for free plus get 20% off your first six months when you go to quo.comstavi that's quo.comstavi. you know, I've struggled with my eating over time. I'm a busy guy. I'm on the go. Imagine you had a long day and the hunger hit you. There's something healthy in your fridge that you should be making, but you just don't have it in you. If that sounds familiar to you, you need to check out Factor. With Factor, you get fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs, delivered right to your door so you can hit your nutrition goals this season without the planning grocery runs or cooking. And with over 100 rotating meals, including globally inspired flavors like Mediterranean and Asian, there's always something you to look forward to. Factor has really helped me. When I'm coming off the road, I want something quick times when I would have just ordered something, I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to reach for that delicious factor. I'm digging the honey butter chicken breast. They got that zucchini just right. And the Yukon mash. Oh that's good, my friend. Head to factor meals.com stavi50off and use code STAVI50OFF to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details.

[Caller 1]

Hey Savvy baby, I'm Hey Savvy baby, I'm calling to get your advice on how I should proceed or not proceed with the situation. So I'm in my late 20s and in. When I was 13, 14, I used to. To play a lot of video games on Xbox Live.

[Stavi]

Nice.

[Caller 1]

So I met a few people when I was young, gotten a few online Xbox Live relationships, and in one of those, I've managed to keep up with one person who I've known for quite a while now. We met when we were like 1314. And we're both in our late.

[Stavi]

Thank God you're the same age. I was really good.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I was really worried, like, okay, I didn't hear that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I have no knowledge of this question, Eldis. Okay. So I'm glad you didn't get groomed over Xbox Live.

[Caller 1]

20s, early 30s now. So we are both in committed long term relationship, but we've also kind of toyed around with the idea of meeting up with each other.

[Stavi]

Hilarious. The bonds of playing Halo in 2013 run very deep for certain people because

[Johnny Pemberton]

the imagination is running wild.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's. By the way, that's fucking insane. I guess let's hear out, but you're out of your fucking mind. But let's finish it. Unless we're missing something.

[Caller 1]

Nothing. Every time we've talked, it's been platonic, it's been friendly. Nothing too flirtatious. I can understand how it might be weird for his partner and for my partner to be like, you want to cross the state to go meet some person that you used to talk to on Xbox with? Like, that's weird. So should I even try and do it? Is it too weird? Is it like toeing the line?

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Caller 3]

Okay.

[Stavi]

This isn't bad.

[Caller 1]

Yeah. I don't want to be daft and pretend like it's not. It could look totally weird. So what do you think? Should I. Should I still meet up with this person? How might I present this to them? Or should I abandon it entirely? So thank you so much. I would love to hear your input and I love this show and blah, blah, blah, blah.

[Stavi]

Okay. So at first I thought she was explicitly saying she wanted to have an affair with her friend from Xbox Live, but now it seems like now I'm actually kind of sad because it feels like she wants a friend. Like the second felt like friendship.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Also why it doesn't seem like. Well, because what's the point?

[Stavi]

I think because we were talking about earlier where it's like it's so hard to form connections that like a lot of like, honestly, people that started like, I think the Xbox chat rooms and the fucking PlayStation and whatever the. Like. Online gaming was one of the first places we saw. It was almost an accident that it created like, online friendships. Yeah, but they were real. Like it. Like before discord existed. That was kind of the only way you could really talk to someone back in the day. And so I see why, like, if this girl. Basically, as long as our caller here has truly innocent. If you really want. There's two questions here. Do you just want a friend? Is that really what this comes down to?

[Johnny Pemberton]

She did say that basically. Right.

[Stavi]

It sounded like that platonic. And there's. Okay, so there's two. So she seems like she wants something platonic. Great. Nothing wrong there. And look, if you wanted to cheat, we could counsel you on that too. We're basically your defense attorneys. We could have told you how to do it. Not that I necessarily think you should, especially with a guy you met on fucking Xbox live, you know, 15 years ago or whatever the fuck. But that's one thing is. Okay, so you wanted to be platonic. Great. The second thing is, do you think he wants it to be. My big sticking point here is like, what are his intentions? Because look, this could just be a dork who. You know, because basically if we say you can't do this at all, it's kind of misogynistic to be like, well, a woman can't have a friend if she meets up with a male friend. It's.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's in a relationship and so is she.

[Stavi]

And so to me, here's the absolute easiest answer here is like, why does this have to be a one on one hang.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Why do I say keep it on if it started online. Keep it online.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because even if. If you're meeting up in person, the only reason to ever do that is to, like, accelerate to a different zone.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

In a relationship. And you're happy and so is he supposedly.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Then I just like, what? What's. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[Stavi]

I mean, I guess I see what you're saying and I also tend to agree. But I wonder if that's a little bit of, like, slightly generational. Because I'm just coming around to the idea that like, so many people younger than us.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Friendship online is just real friendship. Like even. Even our. In our generation, like, I know we have friends, elders that like, like you, you and the elusive and mysterious Big P were way more into like message board culture. And like you, you had friends online in a way that I never. I really was way more like. Or I was not I was an online skeptic even as a youth. And I think even within Millennials, I would say half are. And I think after us, everyone has. Everyone.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, I have none at all. But my wife is like, younger and she has like.

[Stavi]

She's 19, right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Oh, just turn 19. Yeah.

[Stavi]

But, you know, she's been a family friend forever. You were there at her baptism first.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The first steps was. So when I saw those first steps, I was like, okay, I'm waiting. I'm sitting this out. Those legs are going to get longer. I was actually her singing coach and helped her hit.

[Stavi]

I met her. Yeah, I met her playing a pop punk gig.

[Johnny Pemberton]

She's got a residency in Vegas now. And we're just so happy. We're so happy. We're so happy.

[Stavi]

But yes, you're, You're. Yeah. Like, even your wife has real online friends.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But also, I'm not like a Internet. I. We're the opposite because we get. When we get along, you know, I like dirt and being outside and not being the computer. And she loves. She could live on the computer for days.

[Stavi]

And that's what I'm saying is like, for so many people younger than us, there really is no distinction between online and real life. Like, I think we. Us looking at it as like, real world, you know, whatever. I mean, in fact, I would say some people feel more, which is a dangerous thing in my view. But for. Some people might just say that's how the world is, how civilization is progressing. I think people are honest online. They feel like, yeah, 100% more themselves, which is sad. But in any case, I think that's why.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Why what is. I don't get the need to meet up. Well, I understand the want to, but also it's kind of like.

[Stavi]

But let's. Okay, again, let's say these are both women or both men. Right? There is. It's just if. If you take the gendered aspect out of it, then it's just an old. Like this old pal you've had on the air forever, and it's kind of. He's the only one that you've stayed in touch with. Like, it would be kind of fun if it made sense to meet up for lunch or coffee or whatever the fuck. I feel like a lot of people have friendships that transition very easily to that. So my question is. So then I would just say, though, if you were going to do this, I think it has to be like. Because there it's. It is intimate to be like, one of us has to cross state lines and we're gonna meet up at this specific place.

[Johnny Pemberton]

State lines. I've heard that before.

[Stavi]

Trafficking.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Nothing like crossing state lines to get in trouble.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it's like, whatever. Like how far away you are is a big deal. Now if one of you happens to be in town for work or whatever the fuck and you want to meet up for lunch or whatever, that's fine. But I also think the way to make this not weird at all is like, what if you have a big barbecue sauce someday or you have fourth of July barbecue or if you have like a little dinner party or you have just something and you're like, hey, low stakes. Why don't you come meet my fucking boyfriend? Like right, like that. Really the crucial thing for me here is you sussing out what he's looking for. Because I think it's very reasonable for her to be like, oh, I just want a friend. But like, this to me could have guy. What we were talking about earlier, how everything from your youth is more nostalgic.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like a guy in a relationship he doesn't really like so much and he's like, oh, that perfect girl who said the N word on Halo with me, like, that's my soul mate. You know what I mean?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like player. That's a one act play. He's got this whole life about her. She goes over there and he's like. She's like, why do you have all these pictures of me? He's like, what those are? That's you? I didn't know you like.

[Stavi]

Oh, I'm just really into street flams type thing. Yeah. Yeah. So that's my big question is like. And clearly she has some hang up which. But to me, her hang ups feel like more about perception. And I think you need to separate the perception of it and how you actually feel.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Are your hang ups because deep down you are afraid that there might you actually have some latent romantic feeling for this person. Or is it that you're afraid that he might. Whatever. I don't know if it's just. Will it look weird? I mean, you know, if you're in a relationship, you should be able to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend like, hey, my buddy from like, what if it was like a friend from like this when you were 13? What if it was an old friend from middle school that was in town? You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't feel weird going to see a girl that I was friends with when I was in middle school on some like, let's catch up.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like if you're in a good relationship and if you really aren't, if you're really not looking for anything romantic, it's fine. It's just I don't understand the hesitation in your voice here because. And maybe it's as simple as like she's just worried about the optics from a gendered perspective.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Did she ask? She didn't ask. She didn't tell her partner though yet, did she?

[Eldis]

That's what I'm wondering. She didn't specify that. But I'm wondering like has she ever brought this guy up to her partner before?

[Stavi]

Right.

[Eldis]

Because I could see like, like if I did this or if my wife did this. If it was like oh I'm. I'm gonna go get lunch with someone

[Stavi]

from I'm going to go to Jersey

[Eldis]

message board that I was friends with, I became friends with when I was 14, when I was like the most pathetic.

[Stavi]

That's crucial.

[Eldis]

You know, if I just sprung that out of nowhere, that would be sus as for sure.

[Stavi]

But if you're still, if she's still a gamer, she's still on Xbox and, and her, her boyfriend also. Because the other thing is like what kind of relate is this a gamer to gamer relationship? I actually think that makes a big difference.

[Caller 1]

Right, right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Because like people who are in that, who really give a fuck about that kind of shit would understand it in a way that somebody who like I was never really in this world and, and like it would be if it out of nowhere somebody told me that it would. I would be like that's a little strange. But if somebody, if your boyfriend also respects the sanctity of, of gamer friendships of leet speak which exists. That's all the stuff you have to think about. I don't think this is necessarily a horrible idea given you want it to be platonic. Your friend wants it to be platonic and this isn't completely out of the blue to your partner but if you are because not not mentioning them and in fact either way you should mention this because it's kind of weird to just have this secret friend to like just in general. It's weird even if they were the same gender. It's kind of bizarre to have a secret decades long friendship that your partner doesn't know about. It is a little strange. And that's all.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's always weird to bring something up. They're like who's that? It's like, oh, you know Jason L.

[Stavi]

Yeah, Jason L. Who the fuck is Jason Lynn?

[Johnny Pemberton]

You know, my friend I know from a long Time ago.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who I keep tabs with.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Talk about him all the time. I've always talked about him.

[Stavi]

Yeah, you know, don't you know him? He doesn't know about you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, you know

[Caller 1]

what?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh.

[Stavi]

Oh, honey, can you get the door?

[Caller 2]

Jason.

[Stavi]

Ls at the door. He's like, what?

[Johnny Pemberton]

You know my friend, he's gonna come,

[Stavi]

you know, you're away for the weekend. He's gonna help me water the plants.

[Johnny Pemberton]

My friend. Headshot 69. I'm going to see a headshot 69, my friend.

[Stavi]

Obama. Obama's birth certificate. 42.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Obama's birth certificate.

[Stavi]

Jesus Christ.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You know jet fuel can't melt steel beams.

[Stavi]

It's my buddy, Building seven.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What the.

[Stavi]

It's my buddy xx. Building seven xx. And the one X is lowercase and the one is uppercase. Building seven. Next. Next question. Little ld.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh.

[Stavi]

Holy. What the. What the hell's going on? Oh, I'm scared, Johnny. Oh, it's time to keep it twisted. That's right. It's the up ass question of the week, brought to you by Twisted Team. The smoothest ass beverage on the market.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Double T, double P. That's right.

[Stavi]

That's right. We got the fucking party pack. I was sucking these off, celebrating the Knicks victory. In fact, you can tell my. My hat was trampled on 7th Avenue and I haven't cleaned it because it feels like it was a. It's a mark of pride.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So much money.

[Stavi]

It's a mark of pride. So, Eldis, what is the motherfucking ass fucked up question of the week this week?

[Caller 1]

Brought to you by Twist Dogs esteemed guest, Elvis. I used to have an Albanian roommate and.

[Stavi]

Sorry, I mean, good for you.

[Caller 1]

He was like a grumpy little troll. Anyways, I'm a bisexual woman.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Nice guy, lying.

[Caller 1]

And I've been with my male partner for eight years. We're basically married.

[Stavi]

Nice.

[Caller 1]

We own a house together.

[Stavi]

Wow.

[Caller 1]

But I got really drunk one night while he was out of town and I slept with a woman. It was like a friend. Whatever.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I called on my home husband's like, yes. Fuck yes. Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

Thank God. Hopefully your husband is dumb, because if he's dumb, this is awesome, but if he's smart, he. This is bad. Keep going, Eldis.

[Caller 1]

It was like a friend. Whatever. I called all my homegirls. They told me, girl, don't tell him. But I can't do that.

[Stavi]

That's too twisted.

[Caller 1]

Love him and want the best for him. So I told him and he's like, he was really Hurt about it. And I just feel like.

[Stavi]

No, you.

[Caller 1]

It's not that big of a deal.

[Stavi]

You. Which.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This. This.

[Stavi]

Okay, our caller is keeping way too twisted. You're keeping it much, much too twisted.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's chill.

[Stavi]

You cheated. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She is being very chill and twisted. Like a delicious twisted tea on a hot summer's day.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's what makes it.

[Stavi]

Which is good for a beverage but bad for your bisexual long term girlfriend. I. Okay, she's being homophobic.

[Johnny Pemberton]

She's married.

[Stavi]

No. They've been together eight years and they own a house together. Common law.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, right.

[Stavi]

It's crazy. You're confused why he's hurt. What? Anyway, let's finish the call.

[Caller 1]

I guess maybe because I'm a girl and I'm like, this is just like drunk girl stuff.

[Stavi]

Like, no, it's not.

[Caller 1]

I feel like it's not that big of a deal.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Idiot.

[Caller 1]

But he feels like it's cheating.

[Stavi]

But I'm like, what do you mean he feels like it's cheating? You cheated on him with another person. That's how fucking dumb you are. You think it doesn't count? That's awesome. And here's the thing. If you feel this way, right? If this is really. Is she done? Is there more? All right, all right, let's let her finish.

[Caller 1]

It's just two girls, like, getting drunk and like, you know, eating puss. I don't know. It happens. Like, all my friends were like, girl, I've gotten drunk and my friend.

[Stavi]

Your friends are.

[Caller 1]

I don't.

[Stavi]

In relationships, though, because if they're not, then they're cool.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Even then it's not like, like, that's not casual.

[Stavi]

Listen, I'm not. I'm not gonna sit here and tell girls not to get drunk and suck each other's teeth. Yeah, you know I can't do that, Johnny. That's against my morals. But if you're in a committed relationship with either a man or a woman and it's not an open relationship, that is wrong to do. I don't even. I can't believe I have to explain that to you. That's. You're really fucking dumb to not get that. I think you're just in denial. You don't want to. You even said it. I can't do that to him. Because you felt guilty enough to tell him, but you were hoping that means that to me signals that your guilt wasn't real. You just wanted to get it off your chest. You just wanted it for him to be like, nice. What did her look like, or maybe

[Johnny Pemberton]

break up with them. And this is how you're doing it because you're creating the problem.

[Stavi]

Yes. To start the wedge, which would be, again, much too twisted. Is there.

[Eldis]

Is there.

[Stavi]

Should we just let her finish? Is there anything else?

[Caller 1]

Well, what do you think? Would you be upset? It was, like, very much so. Just me being almost blackout drunk and.

[Stavi]

No, no, no.

[Caller 1]

Stop.

[Stavi]

Stop giving yourself.

[Caller 1]

It was like a friend. It was just like, somebody's gonna have to see. Actually not even attracted to her, which is attracted. The most annoying. One of the most annoying parts. I also did not come.

[Stavi]

You know what the most annoying part is?

[Caller 1]

And she was like a pillow princess. Didn't want to do nothing.

[Stavi]

Oh, okay.

[Caller 1]

I'm like, don't even get mad. It wasn't even good.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Oh, sure. That's what you tell them. The Wasn't even worth it. Why are you being annoying?

[Johnny Pemberton]

It sounds fake.

[Stavi]

I wish it was fake, but I think she's just a fucking idiot. And look, whatever. I like, that's. You might have these. These feelings towards hooking up. That's something you have to clear before you do. I'm not even saying you couldn't find a relationship where this works. Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because tons of guys who would be like, if you tell me for sure.

[Stavi]

For sure. Like, yeah, I. When I was saying, hopefully your boyfriend's dumb. Like. Like, I've. Like, this didn't happen to me, but I remember dating somebody and, like, being shocked she wasn't bi and being like. And then. And then, like, dating somebody casually, and she was, like, showing me pictures of her with other girls. I was like, this is the coolest thing I've ever seen in my life.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Especially if it's. If it's, like, relaxed and chill and they're.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They're comfortable with it.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And they're letting you in. Letting you know about it.

[Stavi]

It's kind of cool. A friendship between, like. Like you and a girl that you're hooking up with who's bi. And it's almost like. It's like how that feeling of, like, dapping up your boy after getting pussy, whereas with a hot girl, you get the fuck. Is kind of awesome. I don't know if it's sustainable. It's one of those things that burns too bright. You know what I mean? It's like such a beautiful lens. Like, it's not gonna. It's not gonna light your world forever. It's like a firework. You have to enjoy it. You can't light your home with it. It's not, you know, that's not, that's not a stable form of energy, but when it burns, it burns bright and it's awesome.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I feel like I could, I could be sustainable with something like that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that'd be cool. That'd be cool. But you found a guy who's not like that. And by the way, you could have just asked him ahead of time. And also the other thing I would say is even within your own twisted logic, if you're this kind of person who's like, who cares? It's girls hooking up, the fact that you even haven't he, first of all, he would reject this offer, I'm pretty sure. But the fact that you haven't offered a threesome as to make, make it up to him. And by the way, I'm not saying normally that's how this works, right? I'm not saying normally you should sexual barter, but for this girl who seems like, what's the big deal? It's a try. Like you should have at least tried. You haven't tried to make amends in your dumb way even, which to me feels like you're just, you just did something fucked up. That's all there is to it. What do I think she was going

[Johnny Pemberton]

to say that too? I thought she was going to say something like that.

[Stavi]

She started that way and then she very quickly, when she didn't immediately get her way, immediately be like, oh yeah, who cares? Fuck more girls. That's what you were hoping didn't happen because he's your boyfriend, is much more mentally stable than you and you're kind of pissed off about it. So look again, philosophically. It hurts me to say two girls hooking up is bad. It does. But I do have to say in this case that is true. And I don't. What do I think? I think you fucked up. I think the ball's completely in his court where he decides where this goes. I mean, you did something that could ruin this relationship, very possibly you put your eight year relationship at risk. And the fact that it was just a friend and you weren't that attracted to her and you didn't bust, that's all worse.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So much worse.

[Stavi]

None of that is good.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The friend thing is worse because now it's like he's gonna think every friend you have, you guys just, yeah, casually fucking getting blackout drunk and all your

[Stavi]

friends being like, don't tell them they're scumbags. Yeah, they're fucking scumbags, dude. Keep it twisted. They are keeping it twisted. So I guess what I would tell you to do is sit your boyfriend down, maybe with a ice cold Twisted tea party pack, and try the fresh lemonade that's only available in the party pack. And maybe even the rocket pop, which I really enjoy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That looks. Looks interesting.

[Stavi]

It was pretty good. I. Like I said I had him. I re. I sucked a bunch of them during the Knicks win, but. Yeah. Look, dude, you're. You just made a big. You made a big mistake. And if this is the kind of thing you want to do in your relationship, you should have been open about it. And, you know, if he breaks up, just film it. Yeah, and. And offer him. Offer him double top, for Christ's sake. I mean, dude. And again, I'm not gonna say. Yeah, the double double top rocket.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Double top Rocky pop.

[Stavi]

Double top rocket pop. That's nice. You're getting your dicks up. You can pour them a little rocket pop, dude. Nourish them. You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

You can use that Twisted dude.

[Stavi]

Hey, Twisted T. If you want to do double top Rocket pop, just. Just break my boy Johnny, I'm gonna have to. Yeah, but you can use it. You can use it. He did sign a waiver. Everything he's ever. Everything he said and thought during this podcast is. We do own it. So, you know, at the end of the day, we can use it. But please break him off. At least mail him a couple. Party pass.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Shouldn't have thought about that universal energy idea. Now I'm gonna be dead.

[Stavi]

All right, good luck.

[Guest/Producer]

Good luck.

[Stavi]

And hey, maybe keep it a little less twisted next time. Keep it twisted. Oh, we're going back to the not untwisted zone.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The detour.

[Stavi]

We're getting determined twisted right now. Twisted. What a.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What a home improvement. What is that?

[Stavi]

It's the Home Improvement reboot or the Home Depot song.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You know, the whole music for Home Depot. Oh, my God, that's hell.

[Stavi]

What do we got? What else we got? Little ld.

[Caller 2]

Hey, St. So I'm a virgin.

[Stavi]

Nice hang up.

[Caller 2]

But I've been talking to this really hot girl on Snapchat recently.

[Stavi]

She sounds real.

[Caller 2]

Yeah, she's like 25. And originally we met through Reddit, DMS where I made some posts about being a virgin. And she told me that she was kind of. Her fetish was kind of taking guys virginities.

[Stavi]

This is a guy in Bangladesh anyway. This is a guy in basketball. Come on, man.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's the guy with a like 45 phones and a gun to his head being like. You know what I mean?

[Eldis]

Let's Listen, there are some interesting details,

[Stavi]

I know, but, like, if I was a scammer, I am going straight to our male virgins immediately. I'm going to our divorced dad and our. Our straight male virgins.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Anyway, this guy say how old he is. Okay.

[Caller 2]

Anyways, she's, like, a huge. She's got, like, borderline personality disorder, ocd. She's a huge drug user. And Stu. She's done, like. She told me she's done, like, meth and heroin and fentanyl, and she's apparently a huge donor.

[Stavi]

Keep it.

[Caller 2]

Anyways, she.

[Stavi]

She's keeping it rather twisted. This sounds like one of the last caller's friends.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This is like a.

[Stavi]

Just eat some pussy and then tell your fucking boyfriend this is a piece of rope.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's so twisted.

[Caller 2]

She lives in Central PA and I live in central Ohio, so we live sort of close, and she told me

[Stavi]

that the airplane emoji. But it's Central PA to central Ohio in your bio.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Indiana Jones. It's like going from one different fentanyl hotspot to different fentanyl hotspot. It's a task to.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it's the cities. The Sackler family has ruined. Superhighway. Jesus Christ. Yeah, go ahead.

[Caller 2]

If I don't lose my virginity, sooner or later I can just go out and her.

[Stavi]

Sounds good.

[Caller 2]

Thing is, I told her I was 20 in our original conversation because she said, are you at least 20? I said, yeah, I'm 20.

[Stavi]

Oh, he's 14.

[Caller 2]

I'm really 18.

[Stavi]

Gigantism, so.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, dude does not care. Is this woman.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Caller 2]

Do you think I should go out and her. Do you think she's gonna know? I think she's gonna, like, ask for my ID or something.

[Stavi]

Come on.

[Caller 2]

Like, what do you think I should do?

[Stavi]

First of all, you're gonna get there, and her cousins are gonna rob you. Oh, what the.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Dude, this guy's gonna get.

[Stavi]

You might. You might. You might her. But you are deaf. Your car's not leaving with a catalytic converter, I'll tell you that much.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's gonna have his robbery virginity taken. They're gonna take his ID, dude.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, my fucking God.

[Stavi]

This kid being 18, completely like. Like, if you were at 24. Yeah, I'd be like, get good with a butterfly knife.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Get a gun and head on over

[Stavi]

to Central fucking Ohot.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Hire some Albanians.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Come with you.

[Stavi]

Bring an Albanian. Bring an Albanian valet with you. And. Yeah, green book, but for virgins, that's

[Johnny Pemberton]

gonna be a movie. Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

Oh, that would be everybody Back up.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Green Book for virgins.

[Guest/Producer]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Fellas, get out of here. He's gonna fuck your cousin and we're getting out of here.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Could you imagine? What's that?

[Eldis]

Willem.

[Stavi]

What's the guy's name, the actor? It's. Oh, yeah. Who did play the guy in Green Book? Viggo.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Viggo Mortensen. Christ. Shepherding you to get your V card.

[Stavi]

Awesome.

[Caller 1]

Whoa.

[Stavi]

Hey, back up, fellas.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay, I'm gonna take her first.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna give the a spin, make sure everything is in order.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Now, this guy, man, he needs. He needs.

[Stavi]

Buddy, you're 18. All right? If you were. If you were even, maybe I just. To me, the downside here. You're on. If she was in your town, if you kind of knew the. Like, you have two. There are too many variables here.

[Johnny Pemberton]

She was 40.

[Stavi]

Yeah. How old is she?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Did she say she's like 20 something?

[Eldis]

25.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. You need to lose it with a woman who's. Who's like a hairdresser who's divorced.

[Stavi]

Honestly, that's awesome.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Well, like someone who's got two kids.

[Stavi]

We're actually. We're big on this podcast. We're trying to get. It's not. Look, we're not against age gaps. We just think the. The glass ceiling on age gaps needs to be broken.

[Eldis]

Oh, for sure.

[Stavi]

Why aren't more divorced hairdressers taking some 20 year old, you know, college. College, like fucking sophomores out first?

[Johnny Pemberton]

They are kind of.

[Stavi]

I hope so. I hope so. And you know what? Maybe the media doesn't want us to know about it. Yeah, because the media wants to keep America a pedophilic society anyway. I would say at your age. At your age, 18 is just too fucking young to be doing desperation moves like this.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's okay not to get laid.

[Stavi]

It's totally okay. You go to. I mean, go to college. Or if you don't want to go to colleges, start hanging out, get a fake id. Start hanging out at bars or just going to house parties, whatever. You're too young for this. Desperate, this type of desperation. And look, look, I'm not even saying if you find a girl like this at a local bar, don't her.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right?

[Stavi]

If this girl was at your, you know, at. At a dive bar, you. You meet her, she's deep throating the big buck hunter gun and you're like,

[Johnny Pemberton]

yeah, you could her, but that's how you meet somebody.

[Stavi]

But to me, to me, the. The variables of you having to take it away game to completely unknown Territory. And this is coming from somebody who has hooked up with, with people in strange situations and been like, am I about to. I remember, I'm like, I was drunk. I was driving up 95 and I made a little detour for a friend I met on the Internet. And I like, walking into her apartment was like, let's bleep out the city. Actually walking into her, it was like in an alley and the door was weird. And it was one of those places where once you got upstairs, it was a beautiful place. But I was like, like, why did I do that? I was like, why did I risk? I was like, I'm about to get jumped now. She was hot. It was awesome. I don't regret it. But you know, I, I, I have my wits about me. You know, I was in my 20s, I'm not an 18 year old. And even then I would have gotten, I could have gotten bludgeoned in the,

[Johnny Pemberton]

you know, there's pizza guys who won't go into that situation. Those guys have been like jacks before.

[Stavi]

Yeah. But I, so, so I think right now where you are, you don't have enough life experience, let alone sexual experience to handle this. To me, the weirder parts are having to go to a strange city with a white trash drug user to get pussy. It's like you can find white trash drug users in central Ohio, brother. You don't got to go to York Penns to find that. I promise you that. You're fine, you're fine wherever the fuck you are. What's central Ohio? Is that like Cleveland? You should know. You're the resident Ohio expert.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like all of Ohio is central.

[Stavi]

Cincinnati's like by Kentucky and like that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's no part of Ohio that's, that's

[Stavi]

that I'm gonna say, is there a city called Lebanon, Ohio?

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's a Lebanon everywhere.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eldis]

I'm, I'm seeing places like the region surrounding Columbus. Oh, Columbus stretches across 10 to 11 county metro footprint. Interesting counties include Franklin, Delaware, Fairfield. I've never even heard of these.

[Stavi]

Wow. Wow.

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's definitely bar slays.

[Stavi]

That Absolutely there is.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Help you out.

[Stavi]

You're in Ohio and you're thinking you can't find a girl who's tried fentanyl to suck your dick.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yes. You can go to a bar with a fresh pack of cigarettes.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Hang outside. And when a woman who's clearly needs to have her hair done.

[Stavi]

I love this.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Has got, who's got like her, her.

[Stavi]

One of her nails chipped off.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Chipped out. She needs A fill ye. Light her cigarette and tell her you're a virgin. She's like, I'll fucking fix that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, 100%, dude. No, this is. And this goes back to why we need to touch grass. You were trying to find these women online and they could be anywhere. Find them at your local bar. Put out this vibe in your local bar. Be a cute little fucking, you know, whatever year old at a dive bar. One of these ladies will suck you off. I just think. Yeah, but don't, don't, don't worry too much, all right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

We.

[Stavi]

Everybody in this room was a virgin at 18. It sounds like it's better. Yeah. And then.

[Guest/Producer]

And we.

[Stavi]

We're fine now. Now you could say, actually, I'm clearly obsessed with getting pussy. And I'm. It's not. It's actually been a problem and it's wrecked other relationships in my life. So maybe we're not fine, but Johnny and Eldest are.

[Caller 1]

Okay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I guess. Yeah, I guess.

[Stavi]

I mean, you're both married.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I would like to have had it

[Stavi]

sooner back then, but it doesn't matter now.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think it's better. I think it's gonna happen.

[Stavi]

Who cares? I can't.

[Eldis]

I would have liked sooner, but it doesn't matter. That's how I've said before. I would have liked sooner. But if I. If it didn't have, when did it happen? For me, like 22 or 23 or something.

[Stavi]

Oh, wow. I thought it was.

[Eldis]

Yeah, I think it was like right after college. But if it didn't happen, then I'm like, well, I could see just living with it for a few years and thinking, like, you know what? This will happen.

[Stavi]

No, I would have. If I didn't. If I didn't in college, I would have 100, gone to a sex work and treated myself.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And just.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just to get.

[Stavi]

Just to break. Because to break the seal, you just break the mystique. It's nothing. Sex is really nothing. It's just. You feel like you think you're gonna put your dick in and pussy's gonna be like. You're gonna be like, whoa. Your eyes are gonna fucking roll back into your head. You're gonna be like, oh, this is the best feeling of all time. And it can get there if you're good. If both people are good at fucking and you care for each other, but at first it's just gonna feel kind of cool.

[Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, it feels cool, but it does. It doesn't change your life. And the more you build it up, the worse it is. And it's like we're here to tell you at 18, you're fine. You don't need to be doing like this. You'll be fine, buddy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like that part in Rushmore. You've seen that movie Rushmore.

[Stavi]

It's been a while.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like the best line about virginity because you know, that's he's a kid, he's trying to date the teacher, right? She's like, it's.

[Guest/Producer]

If you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Not if you haven't before. It isn't like she's making it out to be. If you've had. Have. If you have had sex, it's not a big deal. But the person who hasn't, it's like this huge.

[Stavi]

That's true.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The discrepancy is so big to where I can see why this guy is going so crazy. He just doesn't know. You don't know what you don't know, Right?

[Caller 2]

Right, right, right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And once you get there, you're like, oh.

[Stavi]

Oh, that was it. Oh, that's interesting. That was pretty cool. Anyway, good luck, little buddy. You'll get pussy sometime soon. We believe in you. You know, I am a homeowner in Baltimore City. Not quite in New York, where I live most of the time I'm not doing that well just yet. But in Baltimore, I'm a homeowner and I do a couple DIY projects. You know, improving my bathroom, getting a new closet organization system installed. Doing things yourself isn't just about saving money. It's knowing the job was done right on your schedule without overpriced, unreliable service contracts. Other pest control companies charge hundreds of dollars, but with Pesti, you can get started at just $35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your location. Bugs and climate. Pesti gets rid of over 100 types of bugs, from spiders and ants to roaches and scorpions. Their DIY kit includes a sprayer, mixing bag, pesticide gloves, and instructions you can complete in less than 10 minutes. Such an easy experience using Pesti. When I first moved to my new apartment in New York, unfortunately, we had some water bugs. Roaches. I don't know what you're going to call them. Got with Pesty. Cleared it right up. I love it. You're going to love it. What are you waiting for? Fix your bug problem before it gets worse. Go to pesti.comstavi for an extra 10% off your order today. That's P-S-T-I-E.comstavvi for an extra 10% off if you've been sitting on a business idea. Shopify makes it easy to make it happen. Everything you need to start selling is included and ready from day one, including the moment your first customer is ready to pay. Shopify checkout helps more of them finish their purchase. And when they come back, their details are already saved. One tap and they're done. And because Shopify handles the setup and checkout, you have more time to focus on growing your business and the tools to do it. It's no secret here we use Shopify on the Stavi Biz merch store. Shopify is how we sell our calendars, our T shirts, we love them. It completely leveled up our merch game when we started using Shopify. It's gonna do the same for your business. With Shopify, nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make it one. Start your free trial at shopify.comstavi Start your free trial at shopify dot comstavi

[Caller 3]

hey Stavi. Elvis and guest, long time listener, first time caller. I just had a weird situation that I kind of need advice and with a very old friend, one of my oldest friends from middle school. So we have had our same group message with our with the boys for you know, the last 10, 15 plus years. And it's been getting. This particular friend has sounded off when he replies messages both privately and in this group chat where we were wondering if maybe his partner was taking over. And yesterday she texted as him Sophie Rain, am I right? And a couple of the guys were

[Stavi]

like hey officer, it's like a guy, it's a guy in Tim's and the and uncreased jeans and a Yankees fitted being like anybody got drugs I could buy? That's crazy dude. What's Sophie, Sophie Rain, am I right? It's just, I. I don't know. I don't even know if she does porn or if she's one of those girls that has an only fans and

[Eldis]

has made like a ton of money on it.

[Stavi]

But she seems like one of those only fans girls that like some of them just got famous being an only fans girl and they don't even actually do porn. It's like a weird, you know, maybe they show some tits or something.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But so saying Sophie Rain, right? Is that like a thing?

[Stavi]

I think it's her trying to be like hey, pornography is cool, huh guys?

[Johnny Pemberton]

To the group chat.

[Stavi]

Yeah, but anyway, let's finish because I'm a little confused about what's going on.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I just didn't know who that that person was.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, nice, dude.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, like, I really don't.

[Stavi]

I know, I know.

[Caller 3]

Yeah. Sophie Rain. And I said same thing. And I get a text from this friend through his number, but from her saying that just a whole bunch of. Whole bunch of. Making me feel. Calling me disgusting. Questioning why I'm with my wife if I am gawking at that. Yeah, hot chick.

[Stavi]

Wait, who said Sophie Rayna. And the.

[Eldis]

The guy. The caller's friend who was his wife. Or.

[Stavi]

And what? This. This guy took the bait and was like, nice.

[Eldis]

He said a few guys in the group chat were like, yeah, Sophie Rain. They're like, yeah, whatever.

[Stavi]

And that's. First of all, that's weird. Imagine if you. In our group chats, you texted a porn star. Was like, actually, I guess it's just weird because it's Sophie Rain. If you text like, John Michaels, I'd be like, nice.

[Eldis]

Yeah, I could see Big titty.

[Caller 1]

Am I right?

[Stavi]

Actually, yeah, I could see.

[Eldis]

Be like, yeah, fuck, if we did.

[Stavi]

Our generation of porn stars. What's weird to me is that that girl's like, like, young as fuck. Like, it just. It's a weird thing for like, if you're in your 40s. Yeah. I mean, but it's just like. But it's like, I don't know, man. To me, I. I find myself gravitating to. In the MILF categories. And we even discussed it with our new friend of the show, Jimmy. Another Jimmy. Jimmy Tatro. We're MILF aged men now. We're MILF aged.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's age appropriately. A MILF that just happened to be a mom.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah. But either way, at the same time, whatever, if you want to throw out any porn star in a group chat and somebody gets horny for it, fine. It's crazy. But let's finish it off.

[Caller 3]

Hot chick. And it was a lot of messages, and I didn't know what to do. My friends are on the fence between messaging her back or messaging him back or just, like, letting it lie. And I'm frustrated because I just started getting this friend back in the picture because of his controlling partner, and she does have bpd. So that is another reason I don't want to respond. But also, personally, I guess I do, but I don't know. I just got this friend back, and now it feels like I'm losing him. And she's also wanting to message my wife to. To make sure she knows how disgusting it is that I like tits. So, anyway, any advice would be helpful. Take care. Hope your elbow's feeling better. Right.

[Stavi]

Thank you, brother. I'm out of the brace. I mean, this is insane behavior.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That is a nightmare level. I think I would have to. You gotta call the person up because you gotta talk to him. You can't. The texting thing, the amount of people who still text to solve something, like, just call the person.

[Stavi]

I know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You cannot. The inflection isn't there. There's all this stuff that people. People will say stuff on text they would never say out loud.

[Stavi]

Well, it's also. Absolutely.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Absolutely never say it.

[Stavi]

But it's also like this. His wife or girlfriend or whatever. It's like. That's fucking insane. That would piss me off so fucking much. It's like, what is it? What are you. First of all, it's like you got this information without a warrant number one. This is not. This isn't you impersonating legal.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This is.

[Stavi]

This is. This is, you know, fruit from a poison tree, you know, cannot. You can't use it or whatever the. The legal is. You can't sustain. But. But literally. Just something I heard. I, like, remember hearing from some legal thriller.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Law and Order.

[Eldis]

You just watch svu?

[Stavi]

Yeah, I probably just watched SVU or some Michael. Not even svu, just SVU clips. On.

[Caller 3]

On.

[Stavi]

That's mostly what I'm watching on Instagram reels is honestly green. I've never seen Green Book. No, I've seen, like, it's the best.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's so. I fucking.

[Stavi]

You actually think it's awesome, the movie?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, it is outstanding. I fucking love it so much. I'm not kidding.

[Stavi]

That shit looks like dad slop to me so much. Dude.

[Eldis]

No, it's not.

[Stavi]

That looks like f. In law. Watch that with your father in law the day after Thanksgiving is what it looks like to me.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I have a thing.

[Stavi]

Oh, I'm going to solve racism. Hey, hey, don't say the N word. Even though I say it a lot, obviously you got to watch it. Yeah,

[Johnny Pemberton]

it's like updated. Driving Miss Daisy kind of.

[Stavi]

Stacy sucks, I think.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I love that movie, man. I really do like that movie a lot.

[Stavi]

You're. You're like, polite Minnesota liberal upbringing is coming out right now where it's like. It's like, oh, this is what. This is. Perfect race relations. Anyway, to me, the clips I've seen on Instagram, and you've actually seen it, and I've seen, like, you know, maybe 22 minutes of it completely out of context over. Over the course of six weeks of Green Book. Of Green Book, but to me, it just seems like pandering. Like, you know, it does seem that way. Let's fix the. Let's fix racism with one good white guy. But anyway, it doesn't matter.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Story.

[Stavi]

All right, all right, all right. The point is great performances. Great. The performances.

[Caller 2]

I.

[Stavi]

Those. They are great actors.

[Eldis]

I.

[Stavi]

You know, that is cool.

[Caller 1]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Anyway, for the performances. You know what it is about that movie? I probably wouldn't have such a negative reaction to it if it didn't win the Oscar.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, it's one of those classics where it's like, yeah, I got an

[Johnny Pemberton]

argument with a friend about this because she was like, oh, if Beale street could talk, like, that's such a better version. I'm like, well, they. They both can exist, right? And they can both be good. And one, obviously, is way more Hollywood and popular.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a. I guess it's symbolic of the type of art that gets rewarded, which is just like, fine.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But speaks to the sensibilities of the people that make these decisions. Right? Like, old ass academy members are like,

[Johnny Pemberton]

wow, they love that.

[Stavi]

Oh, imagine if Obama was still in. Like, to me, that movie's like. Like, wouldn't it be great if Obama was still in office? Like, that's what that movie feels like to me.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But wouldn't it be nice if I had a black friend? I just have one on the movie.

[Stavi]

You know, I was walking to Pilates and a couple of the homeboys outside smiled at me. That's what that movie feels like to me. My friend Jamarcus, actually, he's sitting out there and he. He sings a lot. Anyway, I love singing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Can I. Can I tell you, I just love your v. Are you a singer? I think you might. You should be a singer.

[Stavi]

Overhearing a barista hum.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like, yeah, here's a doll. What the. Anyway, this guy's.

[Stavi]

This guy. Yeah. Like, to me, this is the kind of thing where I would be so pissed at this lady.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

Who the do you think you are? You're running mind game. I'm not your fucking. I'm not in a bo. Like, this would be a problem for me because I think I would. My mental illness would align perfectly with a BPD. Girlfriend. Girlfriend. And I would give her exactly what she wants, which is calling her a dumb bitch. And like, how dare you fucking do this? Like, I would. Like so. But don't do that. That's my knee jerk reaction. I think how I would actually handle it is, yes. You got to call this guy and be like, hey, man, that was obviously not you. And I think it's really strange behavior, like on your girlfriend's part. And it's like, what it would. Honestly, you just have to be like, what's going on? You know, this guy is spineless. You know, he's not.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, he's being tread upon by her like hardcore. They have to break up. They have to break up, but you have to let them break up. Yeah, you gotta call them or you gotta just like.

[Stavi]

There's really not much you can do. Unfortunately, when somebody has this, like all you can do, it's. I mean, he is in an abusive relationship where the stakes aren't as high as getting the kicked out of you. Yeah, it's just you're. I mean, who knows? Honestly, somebody's very controlling and. And in these instances, all you can really do is be there for your friends when they want to reach out. You shouldn't do the thing I would want to do, which is like, argue with this woman who's clearly trying to start drawing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

She just wants something. She wants to have a. Like a second guy to yell at now. Just creating a second problem.

[Stavi]

Just be there for him if you can. Call him, try and feel him out.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Send him an edible arrangement.

[Stavi]

And realistically, you're probably going to have to have two separate group chats. Yeah, you know, realistically now you have to act as if the phones are tapped. So you need to have a regular group chat. Because if you want to keep him around, you have to keep this fucking idiot girlfriend like, you know, on your side. And you have to like, hey, like, if anybody says Sophie Rain or whatever, like, you now know that group chat is compromised.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Be cool to have a second one. You could have one that's like a red herring.

[Stavi]

You need the second group chat that he's not in where you make it

[Johnny Pemberton]

super dirty in a way where you try to drive her insane. You just text like, hey, guys, breasts.

[Stavi]

No, I'm saying you need one where she's not in.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right, you have. But you have like two of them. You have the real one, the fake one.

[Stavi]

Oh, so you think it's the real of making the fake. The. The fake one squeaky clean. It should be. It should be super dirty to drive her insane.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Super dirty. So you push her on the edge because you can't keep it clean. Because that's just like. Or you make it so boring. You make like.

[Stavi]

That's what I'm saying. Just talk about sports, talk about football, Talk about like mundane shit and no tits.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Talk about like just the Epstein list. Like going through the whole list, just guy by guy.

[Stavi]

How about this? Maybe try and radicalize this insane person. Do a bunch of like, like inequality statistics. Talk about how much, how much CEO pay has skyrocketed. How if. If the minimum wage from the 70s kept place with inflation, oh my God, it would be like $50 an hour. Like maybe you could turn this insane person into a warrior for good. Who knows? But either way, your friend's fucked. You're going to have to have a fake group chat and just kind of be there if and when he ever wants to get away from this person. But, you know, I think that's gonna do for us. We've really saved. We really helped some people.

[Johnny Pemberton]

A lot of BPD out there.

[Stavi]

A lot of BPD out there. Johnny, is there anything you want to plug? I'm sorry, buddy. We should have asked earlier.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'll be doing some comedy. You can all see my dates. I'll be in Madison, I'll be in Seattle. I'll be in some Florida stuff. It's all on JohnnyPemberton. Dog is my website.

[Stavi]

I really like that.

[Caller 3]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And I watch mermaids. Mermaid. Watch. Watch mermaid on vod.

[Stavi]

Watch mermaid on Mother effing vod. John, thank you.

[Guest/Producer]

Thanks for having me.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This is very fun.

[Stavi]

Anytime. Come back. We'd love to have you. I can't wait. Go see. Go see Johnny live. Watch his movie. Watch the stuff he's in. Come see us. The special, actually, I think is about to be recorded this week. Or it's not. Anyway, whatever. We got to promote the fucking. Anyway, whatever. Just. We'll see you guys next week. Week.

[Guest/Producer]

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