#191 - Jake Johnson

Summary

Podcast Summary: Stavvy's World #191 — Jake Johnson (July 27, 2026)

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Episode Overview

This week on Stavvy’s World, comedian Stavros Halkias is joined by actor, writer, and comedian Jake Johnson. The episode features a freewheeling discussion covering everything from show business highs and lows, the fleeting nature of Hollywood status, body image, AI’s encroachment on personal life, hilarious tales from the entertainment world, and candid listener advice. The conversation is peppered with irreverent humor, self-deprecation, wild tangents, and sharp social commentary — all delivered in that laid-back, hangout vibe that defines the show.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Hollywood Game: Fame, Highs and Lows

Timestamps: 01:16–09:15

• Dink Season & New Projects:
  Jake is promoting his latest projects, “The Dink” and “Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed,” both on Apple TV. The ease with which Hollywood’s focus shifts to the “hot new thing” is discussed.

  • “It’s fucking Dink season.” – Jake Johnson [01:24]
  • The importance of having recent credits to maintain respect in Hollywood, as reflected by Jake’s experience post-“New Girl.”

• Hollywood’s Attention Span:
  Jake reflects, “It’s a three month window… all of a sudden people are like, ‘what’s up, brother?’” [03:23]
  Discussions about how quickly the tides turn in the industry, both for shows (like Parks and Rec and New Girl) and personal reputation.

• Being Typecast, First Experiences in Hollywood:
  Jake shares his “Step Brothers” audition story, being cut out of the film, and not finding out until the premiere.

  • “If you don't make it in, a lot of times they don't tell you.” – Jake [07:29]

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2. Navigating Career and Body Image Pressure

Timestamps: 09:41–16:39

• New Girl, Fan Reactions, and Losing Weight:
  The guys riff on the “twee backlash” around Zooey Deschanel, and funny run-ins with taxi drivers who both insult and admit to watching every episode.

  • Jake jokes about his "Fat Mac" summer and the show pretending it didn’t happen: “[Nick Miller] ain't in the same shirt.” [10:25]
  • Stavros opens up about his own weight journey, joking, “I’ve been bouncing between, like 270 and 280” and how quickly weight can come back after a day or two off the rails.

• GLP-1 Agonists, Ozempic, & Weight Loss Hype:
  Both discuss the surreal rapidness with which weight-loss drugs are changing bodies (and narratives) in Hollywood.

  • “You can’t be chubby your whole life. And guess what? There, you go back to middle school… then all of a sudden, during summer, you’re like…” – Jake [15:12]
  • They roast people pretending dramatic weight loss came from “hiking” and “sea moss,” poking fun at the current era’s obsession with transformation as narrative.

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3. Acting, Professionalism, and the “Messed Up Genius”

Timestamps: 16:40–22:08

• The Shia LaBeouf Tangent:
  Jake and Stavros debate the difference between great actors who are personally troubled and the expectation that actors live exemplary lives.

  • “If you come in and do the job — who gives a fuck?” – Jake [17:06]
    Jake admires actors who deliver on-set, no matter their offstage chaos, but draws the line at being role models for kids.

• Hollywood Lore:
  Tales of Brando showing up to “Apocalypse Now” completely unrecognizable, the unpredictability of showbiz.

  • Jake: “Marlon Brando showed up to Apocalypse Now. He didn’t tell anybody he was gonna be fat and bald.” [21:03]
  • The pair riff about how modern actors couldn’t get away with similar antics.

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4. Early Careers, Risk, and the No Backup Plan Gamble

Timestamps: 25:26–29:40

• Jake’s White Trash Suburban Chicago Roots & Stage Beginnings:
  Jake opens up about dropping out of high school, returning, and realizing on stage why he was always such a bad student: “If this is a job, yeah, hell, yeah, I will kill somebody for this.” [27:27]

• Success, Survival, and Backup Plans:
  The myth of the starving artist is debunked, reminding listeners that all the failed “no backup plan” stories end up left out:

  • “You got to be on Planet Earth for about 80 years.” – Jake [28:25]
    Both share the rational expectation of likely failure when starting out and the realities of being “that guy” who comes back home with some stories and a New York license.

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5. The AI Debate: Tool or Social Menace?

Timestamps: 30:04–41:46

• Stavros’s Anti-AI Rant:
  Stav rails against artificial intelligence as nothing more than a tool of the ultra-rich to undermine reality and further commoditize individual lives and data.

  • “First of all, I’ve never seen anything good… it maxes out at fun novelty.” – Stavros [30:18]
    He argues that AI, like the Metaverse and Segway before it, is a tech fantasy being foisted onto an unwilling public.

• Jake’s Counterpoint: AI as Lonely Pal:
  Jake gleefully admits to using AI chatbots as a nonjudgmental friend/therapist — for telling dreams so embarrassing he wouldn’t inflict them on humans.

  • “Nobody, no human wants to hear about another human’s dreams, okay?” – Jake [33:50]
  • “It’s the friend… who works for you, who has to go: ‘Okay, your story goes first.’” [34:03]

• Debate Intensifies — Is This Social Decay?:
  Stav argues that this is a dangerous erosion of real-life weirdness and human connection.

  • “You’re seeding control of your social life to the robots… that’s society, man.” – Stavros [34:32, 35:12]
    Jake admits he’s sliding down a “slippery slope” and compares it to addiction, but defends being able to offload his social stories without reciprocation.

• AI, Commerce, and Loss of Human Weirdness:
  Jake imagines how AI-driven consumerism and social behaviors will warp the world (“lizard backpacks for $13.99”), and they both ponder the goofy, soulless products that will fill thrift stores in the future.

  • “It takes away the human, it takes away the human animal.” – Jake [41:30]
  • Both agree: even AI-powered sexuality is just “the coldest era of horniness.”

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6. Listener Hotline: Advice & Misadventure

A. “Should My Girlfriend’s Friends Move In?”

Timestamps: 60:44–72:08

• Caller’s problem: Girlfriend’s troubled friend may need a place to stay, possibly with a newborn and unreliable partner (described with comically harsh language).
• Key Advice from Stavros & Jake:
  • The caller is overly judgmental (“You’re being a little selfish here...you’re not being very objective.” – Stavros [63:59])
  • They stress communication with his girlfriend and setting boundaries (time limits, clear expectations).
  • Jake psychologizes the caller’s anger, asking, “Who are you really mad at?” and suggesting maybe he’s not cut out for this kind of life.
  • Both warn: be less emotional, more strategic and direct, or consider breaking up if it’s too much.
  • Notable quote: “You might just be in the wrong life right now, brother.” – Jake [69:56]

B. Twisted Tea “Ass Up” Question: The Saga of the Trans Woman & the Feuding Brothers

Timestamps: 79:06–89:41

• Caller describes a wild scenario: dating (and sleeping with) two estranged brothers, both unaware, one wants to settle down, the other keeps popping up post-hookup.
  • “You might have some kind of magic to you.” – Stavros [81:57]
  • “Invite them both over on the same night for a three way… it’s either gonna go very sideways, which is going to go that way anyhow.” – Jake [82:23]
  • They riff on the cosmic weirdness, test the boundaries of advice (“turn into the skid”), and suggest the caller run scientific experiments to see if she’s a “really shitty X-Men” who can reunite brothers via sex.
  • Both ultimately advise caution due to the possibility of real-world violence or emotional catastrophe.

C. “Do I Take My Kid to the Party with the Parents I Like?”

Timestamps: 90:13–95:05

• Caller wants to take his 4-year-old to a birthday party of a kid whose parents HE likes (not the kid’s best friend).
• Advice:
  • “Parents think they’re part of it. When I was growing up, you got on a bike, my mom would have no idea.” – Jake [92:56]
  • “Do not do this.” – Jake [93:34]; both say, put the child’s social life first, hang with your own friends elsewhere.

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Notable Quotes & Funniest Moments

• “Your whole life, you can’t be chubby your whole life. And guess what? There, you go back to junior high…” — Jake [15:12]
• “If you come in and do the job — who gives a fuck?” — Jake on professional actors, regardless of personal chaos [17:06]
• “You’re seeding control of your social life to the robots… that’s society, man.” — Stavros [34:32, 35:12]
• “Invite them both over on the same night for a three way… it’s either gonna go very sideways.” — Jake, on the ‘twisted’ caller [82:23]
• “You might just be in the wrong life right now, brother.” — Jake [69:56]

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Segment Timestamps – Quick Reference

• [01:16] — “Dink Season,” Hollywood hype cycles
• [07:00] — Getting cut from “Step Brothers”
• [09:41] — Body image, weight loss drugs
• [16:17] — Nobody admits rapid weight loss is drugs, not lifestyle
• [16:58] — Acting professional vs. chaos offstage
• [25:26] — Jake’s early dropout/high school return story
• [30:04] — The Big AI Debate
• [60:44] — First major advice call: “Should my girlfriend’s friend move in?”
• [79:06] — Twisted Tea/“Ass Up” wildest caller: dating feuding brothers
• [90:13] — Parent/party drama advice: “Do not pick your friends over your kid’s friends.”

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Tone & Language

• The conversation swings between raunchy, self-deprecating, and brutally honest, with zero filter.
• Both hosts and guest are irreverently candid, not shying away from absurdity, adulthood frustrations, or the comedic — and sometimes dark — realities of entertainment, body image, and relationships.
• Listeners are invited to feel like they’re on the couch with the crew, eavesdropping on a deeply funny, insightful hang.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is a quintessential Stavvy’s World blend: industry tales with heart and hilarity, personal revelations, and a wisecracking deep-dive into taboo subjects, with listener calls that swing from the ridiculous to the real. Jake Johnson’s comedic chemistry with Stavros provides consistent laughs, real advice, and plenty of takeaways about what it means to stay relevant, stay connected, and — above all — stay twisted.

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Transcript

[Host/Announcer]

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[Stavi]

Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904800 stop call the Stavi's World hotline. Preservation presented by Visible will solve all your problems. We have returning to the couch, our pal Jake Johnson. You might know him as the Dink. Actually, now we're talking. You might know him as the Dink.

[Jake Johnson]

A movie that this is a fucking pro.

[Stavi]

Has not even yet come out. But the just something is in the air where you're like, it's Dink season.

[Jake Johnson]

It's fucking Dink season.

[Stavi]

I think everybody, everywhere I go, Jake, people are like, happy Dink season to you.

[Jake Johnson]

Same

[Stavi]

the Dink on Apple tv. Tv. My man's all over Apple tv, dude. Yeah, Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed and the Dink and those two titles. That's

[Jake Johnson]

how about what I'm selling?

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed sounds like where the

[Stavi]

Maximum Pleasure is coming out right at the day. Now I will say I. I went to start Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, but then I saw Slow Horses and that looked pretty fun. So I watched that.

[Jake Johnson]

What is Slow Horses?

[Stavi]

It's. It's a spy. It's a spy show with Gary.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, have you seen. You've seen Tiptoes, right? The trailer.

[Stavi]

Of course, dude. So it was kind of a Tiptoes homage. He is kind of. His face is the Tiptoes face.

[Jake Johnson]

I will. I go once I saw that. So. So yeah, Slow Horses.

[Stavi]

You can check out the Dink or Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed. But also check out Slow horses.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, 97 on rotten tomatoes ain't bad.

[Stavi]

First season's pretty fun.

[Jake Johnson]

We the beginning of Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed. So My role in that is I'm just in a custody battle.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

Never got to do it. David Gordon Green was doing the pilot. I never get to just do like a little drama where I go, oh, how about you? Your little drama with Emma Stone.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jake Johnson]

Nice, nice. I meant to say that earlier.

[Stavi]

You're dealing with a real actor now.

[Jake Johnson]

That's awesome.

[Stavi]

Last time you did the podcast, I was a mere podcaster.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, who was this guy? Now I'm like, let it drop. My head shot off.

[Stavi]

And I. I appreciate that. And that's the thing you learn about Hollywood, is it? It's just pure. What have you recently accomplished? And you'll be respected more. And then you do 16 months.

[Jake Johnson]

That's it. Way, by the way, way less.

[Stavi]

True, true, true. You got.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a three month window.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You got to be out.

[Jake Johnson]

And everybody's like, dude. And all of a sudden people are like, what's up, brother? The funny thing is you'll see the same people. What's up, brother? And someone else.

[Stavi]

Of course. Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

I really learned that during New Girl. We had the first season. It did really good numbers.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And all of a would be at events and I'd be like, man, I'm getting a lot of what's up Brothers? From kind of Cool Guys. Season two. Everybody hated the show. It became, you know, uncool to, like, the cool what's up Brothers?

[Stavi]

Already Season two.

[Jake Johnson]

Or maybe it happened fast.

[Stavi]

Interesting, because I was in the. I just remember it as a good show the whole time.

[Host/Announcer]

You.

[Jake Johnson]

But you're young.

[Stavi]

I was young.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. So while it was on, there was a moment where people are like, is this cool? Like, you know, cool the way that, like, Parks and Rec was cool.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right. And then they now is like, about someone with Hillary Clinton's politics. Like, Parks and Rec now is about the people that are like, giving. Like, Leslie Knope would accept so much money from aipac, you know, like, there's no money. If we go back now, they're all like, her hero was Joe Biden. You want to talk about something that does not hold up? That's about a libertarian and a centrist politician. Like, those are the two main people. It's like the worst people in the world. Like, Ron Swanson is a funny in theory, but you meet a guy like that in, like, that's the scariest guy you've ever fucking met in your life. And Leslie, no, for sure is doing. She is doing atrocities.

[Caller Eldis]

Yes.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Like, she's in the State Department. She's a junior official. The State Department covering up, like, a drone bombing that the Obama administration.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what's different. And I didn't watch a lot of Parks and Rec, but I think they're in a small town in, like, India.

[Stavi]

They are. They are.

[Jake Johnson]

The rant is funny. The reality. I think they're doing part.

[Stavi]

No, but here's the thing. Okay. I know you're saying you're the reason I can skewer is because I love the show.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So I. It ends with them getting into dc. Oh, it ends with them.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay. You know the show. I don't know.

[Stavi]

That's the thing. I know. I know. I don't know this. Like, her.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, they go to.

[Stavi]

They go to D.C. her and Amy

[Jake Johnson]

Polish is like a real.

[Caller Eldis]

Oh, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So the end. That show is the arc of her entering the big game.

[Stavi]

It's lit.

[Jake Johnson]

The story about the minor leagues.

[Stavi]

It's literally. It's. Yes. It's literally like, yeah. Coming up from the minor leagues. And also. Yeah, yeah. But just to lose your innocence. It's like, what is like a nice story of, like. Oh, yeah, you know, local government is nice.

[Jake Johnson]

And they're showing that it goes.

[Stavi]

And then it's like, yes. And then eventually, if you do good enough for your small town, you get to sell out for the. For Raytheon.

[Jake Johnson]

I sold it. I sold a show to Fox years ago. I used to have a production company, and we sold a show based off of Catalina Island. You ever been?

[Stavi]

I've not been, obviously. Step Brothers is my greatest into Catalina Island. The Catalina wine mix.

[Jake Johnson]

I got cut out of that movie.

[Stavi]

Oof. That's tough.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. For one of my first gigs I ever had, I got called in. Do you want to play Rob Riggle in Rob Riggle's flashback? Do you want to play his steroid dealer? And I go, yeah. So they. I went. I was like, to the ocean. And I live on the east side, so I was there at 5am I sat in my trailer for 12 hours. Then they finally call me in. It's Adam McKay. It's Wriggle. Who I didn't know yet who. You gotta have Wriggle on this.

[Stavi]

I would love to have you on

[Jake Johnson]

the show as fun and funny.

[Stavi]

Yeah, you will.

[Jake Johnson]

I love him.

[Stavi]

I love that guy. He's so.

[Jake Johnson]

But we. We get there and the whole bit is. It's his character. They all his characters at the end of that movie have a flashback, and his was the first time someone Sold him steroids.

[Stavi]

And it finished.

[Jake Johnson]

And I was like, well. And then I didn't hear anything. And I was with my friend Charlene Yee and Nick Jasanovic, and we were driving on, we had some meeting, and I was like. It was one of those humiliated Hollywood moments where I go, like, meeting ended, and everyone kind of got quiet, and I'm like, well, are we doing dinner or drinks?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. And they were like, I think we should call it. And I was like, well, it's five.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then they were like, well, we're going to a thing tonight. And I go, what? And they go, the Stepbrothers premiere. And I go, it's tonight. I'm in it.

[Stavi]

Oh, no, you didn't.

[Jake Johnson]

You didn't.

[Stavi]

You weren't even invited.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, it's. How could it be tonight? I'm in the movie, and then I call my agents and they go, if you don't make it in, a lot of times they don't tell you.

[Stavi]

Oh, wow.

[Jake Johnson]

And I was like, no, of course.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Host/Announcer]

I'm happy.

[Stavi]

I'm happy.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you kidding me? I get. I get the game.

[Stavi]

Well, at least that movie has an age to be maybe the definitive comedy movie of its generation.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, that is perfect for my career right next to it. But going back to Parks. So that's what New Girl was.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

New Girl started, and people said, could this be one of those? And I was getting a lot of, hey, guys.

[Caller Eldis]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

And then universally, the town decided it's not.

[Stavi]

Gotcha.

[Jake Johnson]

Gotcha. What was the best?

[Stavi]

I guess I do remember, like, a Deschanel twee backlash happened.

[Jake Johnson]

It was a.

[Stavi]

Well, there was too much, like, you

[Jake Johnson]

know, this was that era for me. It was being in New York. Every time I got in a cab, it would be this. They're looking at me, and they go, you're that guy, huh? And I would go, maybe. Yeah, because there's a few of us. And they would go, no, I know you. You're on that show with the girl in the apartment. I'll go, yeah, I don't like it.

[Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And I would go, I hear they would go, you are. You're all right. Yeah, but that shit ain't for me. And then I would go. So I would go, I hear you, man. And then here's what I learned, which drove me up a wall. And I had to hold my tongue because I used to be way lippier. And that was the age where I was like, I can't be fighting with people in Cabs. I'm on television.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

It's getting disgusting.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

Of course they would go. They would go, I don't like it. And I'd go, I hear you, man. And I'd be like, who gives a fuck? And then they would go, season two, episode four. And I'd be like, you little fucking asshole. You've watched every episode.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You like it?

[Stavi]

They're. Oh, who knew? Maybe you guys had. Before you had the fan from that. You had the fandom from the fucking that. The medical show. What's. What?

[Jake Johnson]

The Scrubs.

[Stavi]

No, no, no, no. Then you won that, everybody. The Pit. How the pits. Fans seem to hate the Pit.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh.

[Stavi]

Even though it's like the. You know, it's like the most acclaimed show. All you see online is like, they fog this up. They fudge that up.

[Jake Johnson]

That's. So we had. It was. Women were always on. They were always like, we like it.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I like the show. And then some women like, I don't. But the women who liked it to this day will be like, I like that show.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Not a bad guy. Wait, were you married at the time?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I've been with forever.

[Stavi]

That's tough, because that would have been the best. That's the best guy to be. The guy that clearly is not like, you will end up with a girl. It's almost like you kind of know the entire time on some level that you guys are gonna end up together.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, there's a formula to this.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Of course. You're raw.

[Jake Johnson]

You're like, yeah, unless I come in. And that almost happened season three. And I've gained too much weight over the summer because that's. That's awes over the summer. They can't regulate you. And I did come back.

[Stavi]

You did Fat Mac, but without telling anybody.

[Jake Johnson]

I did Fat Mac. But the funny thing about it, and there are photos where se. Maybe it's season one to season two, it ends and they try to do a continuation, but Nick Miller ain't in the same shirt. And it was unnoticeably.

[Stavi]

That's awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, 15 pounds changes the face 100%. And 15 pounds is a few more beers.

[Stavi]

Of course, 15 pounds happens fast. I'm not even kidding. I weighed. I've been trying to, like. I've been bouncing between, like 270 and 280.

[Jake Johnson]

I followed some of the weight loss journey I think I reached. I love that.

[Stavi]

Thanks, man. And we're going to get back now, folks. Stavi gets ripped. Will Resume. Just let me film this special without fudgeing. Dying once. But I literally at the beginning of this week was 270 and I had. I ordered Sichuan food.

[Jake Johnson]

I get that.

[Stavi]

I weighed 280 today. I'm not even kidding at all, by the way. 72, 81 Sichuan meal.

[Jake Johnson]

I relate to this in a way and I want to blame it on some fucked up metabolism.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Or I must eat in the left. Like I'll literally go, you know what? I got to fudgeing. Trim up. I'm going back. I'm doing some stuff. A movie, I mean a TV show. And August, I'm like, I got it. I got to lose about 10.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'll have one night.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not even going buffet style. I think I'm being. I'm like, I had a couple of drinks.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I will look at. I'll be on the podcast with Gareth.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

All of a sudden there'll be a shot. I'll be like, so tell me

[Caller Eldest]

when

[Jake Johnson]

I'm not on TV with being like afraid of losing my job.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You will post something. I'll literally go, who's that fat guy near Gareth? And I'll go, what? I honestly, I wasn't binging.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's fast. It happens. So. And it's the. So I mean, dude, it was also. It's like to peel back the curtain for everybody. This is the week we filmed the special. If there's a week I should be.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, that's right.

[Stavi]

Saturday and Sunday, right of this week. If there's a week I should be tight watching what I'm eating. Tight. It just is not in the car.

[Jake Johnson]

You got you.

[Stavi]

I just psychologically know where I'm at right now. It ain't. This is not the week. So I'm going to be fatter than I. If I just kept it together, I could look pretty. Get a like get a lymphatic drainage massage. You know what I mean?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like in the sauna or some like. And I should. Why am I not doing that? I'm not going to. There's no way I'm. I know right now it's. It's Monday for everybody. I still have. I still have six days.

[Jake Johnson]

It ain't happening. It just.

[Stavi]

It is not in the cards. It is not in the cards at all. And cuz my. I've stopped drinking so much. But I've been. Because I broke my arm and I my back up to avoid opioids. I've been getting so high. It's crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, I'm so too high.

[Stavi]

I'm talking 150 milligrams.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, my God.

[Stavi]

Like, I did 100 yesterday, and it was like. And I was like, scared me kind of. Yeah, I was kind of high with 100 mil.

[Jake Johnson]

That's scary.

[Stavi]

And so I'm like. But here's the thing. On tour, I had been. So I. I'm like, oh, I see where I'm at. Today I'll take 120. Tomorrow, 140, I'll come back down to eight. Like, I have a whole up system. And it does help you sleep and it does help with pain, but. But, boy, am I hitting the snacking hard.

[Host/Announcer]

Hard as.

[Stavi]

And we're talking weird. I ordered I doordash bread and butter because it was like 1am and I was like, I want bread and butter. I was just like, I just want a nice. You got a French.

[Jake Johnson]

You got a trainer? You like?

[Stavi]

No, I do not. It's a hilarious question.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a guy who here, he can do zooms with you.

[Stavi]

Interesting, interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

Rudy Garcia.

[Stavi]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

He's not crazy. He's a good price. He's a good guy. He'll work with it. He's worth. He's the only guy I've ever stuck with.

[Stavi]

Okay, interesting. Yeah, no, I will. And look, I don't want to talk too much, but there. There will be a metamorphosis.

[Jake Johnson]

Are you ever gonna do the testosterone? The. Oh, yeah, you're gonna do all the stuff.

[Stavi]

I'm gonna go Peptides. Oh, dude, I can't wait to put

[Jake Johnson]

all kinds of GLPs, whatever it's called.

[Stavi]

I already got the GLPs going.

[Jake Johnson]

You're doing them?

[Stavi]

I'm doing them.

[Jake Johnson]

Tell me about them.

[Stavi]

It is it so, right. This is. There's a. I wanted to have this to tell you about this, because when you talk about how it's easy to binge, it's like, it is just. It's not even just genetic. It's so in your head. Because right now, when I'm so stressed, I am. I am beating through it, dude. This fudgeing medicine stands no chance.

[Jake Johnson]

You're so. That your body's going, I'm legit not hungry, brother.

[Stavi]

Stop. And I'm like, no, we need those dumplings as well.

[Jake Johnson]

So what would happen to me is exactly that I would take the shot and then I would do that thing. By the way, the funniest thing about this Ozempic era.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Is all these liars.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

It is so joyful.

[Stavi]

Your whole life.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't be chubby your whole life. And guess what? There, you go back to middle school. You go back to junior high. You just see some roundies. Of course, no, you'll see, like, during, like, baseball season, who. I was like this.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then all of a sudden, during summer, you're like. So that's what it's gonna be. If all of a sudden I get skeleton skinny.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And you go, what's going on? And I go hiking.

[Stavi]

Hiking, bro, how much are you hiking? I've actually been having sea moss in my coffee. That's the difference. It's like.

[Caller Eldis]

And.

[Jake Johnson]

But how much sea moss?

[Stavi]

Well, dude, here's how you know there's such frauds. Yeah. Because, look, occasionally a fat person does lose weight, but they make it their entire personality for years.

[Jake Johnson]

Haven't you ever seen Biggest Loser?

[Stavi]

It's like. It's like, listen, if you actually lost all that weight, we're seeing gym selfies every. And also every day. Not just one occasion to cover your tracks.

[Jake Johnson]

But. This is the mean way of putting it. When a. When a. When a fat person loses weight, they don't look great. They look weird.

[Stavi]

They do.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. You look. It looks like a. They look melty.

[Stavi]

Well, if you've. If you've particularly in your head, associated this person with a certain fullness.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Stavi]

And then, yes, it can be a real problem when you get the turkey different.

[Jake Johnson]

But all of a sudden, these Ozempic people, I think it's because they're dying and their body's eating itself. They skip that stage.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So they just look modelish, but they don't have the face for it. You just go like, you're really skinny and weird. Now. Now, again, I don't care if you take testosterone. I also. What's different about 2020 changed it. If I'm at work with someone, let's say you and me are doing a scene together, and you smell like a brewery.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Couldn't care less, right. If you don't remember your lines, you smell like a brewery. I'm gonna go, he's drunk.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

If you come in and do the job.

[Stavi]

Gives a 100.

[Jake Johnson]

If you want to be on testosterone, you want to be on. You want to blow lines. You. The job is, we're not saving babies in Haiti.

[Stavi]

It's actually one of the only thing you have to do is say the

[Jake Johnson]

lines, do the job. And then emotionally, if they go, hey, in this scene, actually, we need a little heart.

[Caller Eldest]

Heart.

[Jake Johnson]

And you're so bombed out of your brain that you can't feel anything. You're bad at your job.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't care how crazy you are. I don't care. When you have those actors where they're like, they had a nervous breakdown. They were shirtless in the middle of the street. But how were they at 5pm at call time?

[Stavi]

What did you get that day?

[Jake Johnson]

And they go, so you're right. They had a 30 hour bender. But then they showed up and did a father and son scene. And you know what I honestly think. Good actor.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

This is not a profession where I go, you're supposed to be watched 24 hours. But just admit it.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You know who. With that in mind?

[Stavi]

Who?

[Jake Johnson]

I. Oh, I personally am liking their arc.

[Caller Eldest]

Please.

[Jake Johnson]

Who feels the counter to the Ozempic era?

[Stavi]

Let me hear it.

[Jake Johnson]

Shia.

[Stavi]

I don't know that I would be buying Shia stock right now.

[Jake Johnson]

What did he do recently?

[Stavi]

I just think he's just kind of. I don't think he's got the kind of.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I agree.

[Stavi]

Wasn't he like drunk as. Terrorizing the homeless in churches in New Orleans or something recently?

[Jake Johnson]

So. Yeah, look, going back to parks and rec. I am no politician. I am not.

[Stavi]

Let's see some shy updates.

[Jake Johnson]

It was the New Orleans that got me.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I watched his. All his interviews. All that stuff in New Orleans.

[Stavi]

It's the. It's. You know what it is, man? It's being a. If you're a Catholic convert.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Sums up.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree with that.

[Stavi]

If you're born into it.

[Jake Johnson]

I told. By the way, people that are born

[Stavi]

into Catholicism are sort of like. Like, because I'm Greek Orthodox.

[Host/Announcer]

Right.

[Stavi]

We're not orthodox.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Stavi]

Like if you meet a different orthodox set. Sect of religion. Yeah, they're crazy.

[Caller Eldis]

Right.

[Stavi]

Catholics are kind of the same thing when. If you're born into it, it's like, hey, fish on Fridays. Yeah, let's give to the homeless. And if you're like. If you're converted, you're like, well, the, you know, everybody knows the schism of 1130 and.

[Jake Johnson]

Right.

[Stavi]

Like they're talking about pope Barnabas or something. Like they're talking about theological. Where they're like, well, and of course Armenians can't get into heaven. Like they're just saying crazy like that. So anyone who, like as an adult goes into an extreme. You're not wrong is all. Something's always.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, you're not wrong. Always something's going on.

[Stavi]

What do we got? Eldest? What are you. Did you. Did you bother summarizing or do you expect us to read it?

[Jake Johnson]

He's pleaded guilty to battery in New Orleans. You know, little scuffle incident.

[Caller Eldis]

He

[Jake Johnson]

became combative with staff and patrons, struck multiple people. One guy he hit hard enough to possibly dislocate his nose. He also allegedly shouted homophobic take away. Allegedly on that.

[Stavi]

Allegedly. Oh, man. If someone. If there's a type of guy keeping dropping homophobic f bombs alive, it's Shia LaBeouf.

[Jake Johnson]

So going back to what I was saying that I do like. About what Shia.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All this aside, there's a lot of

[Jake Johnson]

buzzword that you don't like, Right. But here's what I like.

[Stavi]

Yeah. We can throw out a lot of buzzwords like assault, homophobic, slur, and everything

[Jake Johnson]

you're saying, I agree with. I'm with you. We're talking about the acting profession, right? So true. All he needs to. There's no way I would go like this. You know what I think Usai should do? Be around children and be a role model. You know what I don't think he should do? Be a leader of men and women.

[Caller Eldis]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I am interested after this. Yeah. An indie movie where he plays a guy down in New Orleans. And it's a character who's going through a hard time. And he goes, well, a lot of the dialogue was improvised. I want to hear those monologues.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

And I want that dark circle in his eyes where I wanted. Then here, after the director go. I mean, shy. It's the Marlon Brando stuff.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Marlon Brando showed up to Apocalypse Now. He didn't tell anybody he was gonna be fat and bald.

[Stavi]

That's awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a crazy. Could you imagine? You're doing movies. Could you imagine?

[Stavi]

They go, oh, yeah, they'd be real mad if I showed up fat and bald to a movie, if I was.

[Jake Johnson]

In fact, if you show up skinny and hairy, could you imagine, by the way, that's what you should do. You're big.

[Host/Announcer]

If you.

[Jake Johnson]

Your first big life, you book something where they're like. They're banking you in it.

[Stavi]

Of course, don't tell anybody.

[Jake Johnson]

Don't film until after. Take so much Ozempic and go to Turkey and get a haircut and cut it short in the back.

[Stavi]

Awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

So when they show up, they're like, like, where's starving?

[Stavi]

Yeah, like, I'm starving right here. The reverse. The reverse gosling and lovely bones, you know, show up just jacked as hell, and they're like, well, you obviously can't be the fat idiot friend in this romantic comedy anymore, you're getting a fat idiot friend. I. I think a spin on that. I think a nice. A new, updated spin on that.

[Jake Johnson]

I had it. My version of it was my first job I got was no Strings Attached, that Ivan Reitman was directing, and I played the friend. And I was really nervous.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And I go to the same Vietnamese restaurant in Atwater Village. I used to go every day. And the bus boy there, George, and the chef, we got to know each other. And he came by and I was like, studying the material. And he was like, you're working hard every day. I was like, fuck, man. Yeah. I've never been more nervous in my life. And he goes, tell me about. And I told him about the movie. And he goes, so basically you're like, you should be with the girl. Don't be with the girl.

[Stavi]

He goes, you should be with the girl.

[Jake Johnson]

And then he goes like this. I like porn. And I went, no. And I sat there and I was like, yes. I am fundamentally less nervous.

[Stavi]

That's awesome. Shout out to George.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, that's. You really just summed it. I was like, those are the parts I'm getting.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm just near the other guys going, like this.

[Stavi]

Of course you should do it, brother.

[Jake Johnson]

And then they go, anything else? And they go, it wasn't that. And I go, I literally had nothing.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all I got, man. That's so fun. Yeah, dude, it's. It is really funny. This episode is sponsored by bluechew. Fellas, you know what women want and need. And I'm not talking about the Mel Gibson movie, what women want where he can read their minds. I'm talking about a stiff something something. Be her Rock with Bluechew. With their new arousal boosting formula, you're getting turned on mentally and hard.

[Caller Eldest]

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[Stavi]

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[Host/Announcer]

Hmm.

[Stavi]

Interesting addition, Visible to the script this week. It's shaping up to be a legendary one. One you don't want to miss a moment of this summer that is your best companion this summer. Visible Wireless. We love Visible. As you know, they are now sponsoring the Stavi's World hotline. And Visible gives you unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon for just $25 a month. So you can save and still order a few rounds at happy hour. Visible is more than just a wireless plan. It's unlimited wireless designed to always keep you connected and there's no contract to tie you down. We love Visible here at Stavi's World. You're gonna love it, too. Switch today at visible.com plans start at $25 a month. Or get their premium visible plus pro plan and save $10 on your first month. When you use promo code stav terms. Apply seevisible.com for plan features and network management details. What was the first. Like, did you have. As a child, did you have a. A theatrical performance? Do you remember hitting the stage for the first time?

[Jake Johnson]

I do.

[Stavi]

What was it?

[Jake Johnson]

So I was in high school, so I think I told you this last time, but when I was. I was 50. No, no, no, no, no. I never told you this, but I dropped out of high school when I was 15.

[Stavi]

Yes, yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And so when I came back.

[Stavi]

Yes, we know about your awesome white trash Chicago background.

[Jake Johnson]

Suburban.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Suburban Chicago.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Which is more. If it was Chicago, it'd be less shocking. I went to two nights of a

[Stavi]

public school to do this.

[Caller Eldis]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Public school.

[Jake Johnson]

You drop out. Of course, it wasn't like 25 of us did.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Jake Johnson]

It was like 99 go to college.

[Stavi]

And I'm like, do you know Jake dropped out? Like, they know you by name.

[Jake Johnson]

It was. Do you know? And like, it was so weird that when I would see people at parties, I'd be like, it's not what you think.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, you better spin fast. But I got.

[Stavi]

So you were still going to the parties? You dropped out? I had nothing to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I would literally, I would drop. I would. Like, my dropping out was just not going.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So after school, I'd be like, what y' all doing? They're like, hanging out with the people who go to school.

[Stavi]

Why didn't you just go to school?

[Jake Johnson]

Go to school? And I would literally be like, yeah, that. And I'd be like, what was everybody wearing? Like, pre Internet? Your life is so small. I'd be like, what are you guys up to Friday? They're like, I went on this party at the school. I'll say that.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Call me literally right after. And then, you know, they don't, of course. But I came back and I was like, oh, everybody who I know is going to graduate. And then I'm still around. And I was also getting bad grades again. And I was like, I might be here forever.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I was like, so you're like, well, let's just fucking. Let's make it look like it was my choice.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, there was. There was a sketch show at the school.

[Caller Eldis]

Okay.

[Jake Johnson]

That the students wrote. And my buddy Bill said he was directing it. He was like, I could get you in. And he goes, my Uncle Timmy was an alcoholic. And every year on my birthday, he called and told me the same joke, joke. And he goes, just do the Timmy joke. And your voice. I did it. I got in the play. And then when I got on stage, I got really big laughs. And I was like, oh, this is why I've been such a bad student.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

Right now they like me for it. And I was like, if this is a job, yeah, hell, yeah, I will kill somebody for this kid.

[Stavi]

Well, especially, yeah, when you're 15 and thinking about dropping out of just being

[Jake Johnson]

like, what are you doing?

[Stavi]

Like, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, it's a funny thing that I realized I need to put a spin on for a listener. A lot of actors say, you know, I had no backup plan. And it feels like a heroic story. It's not.

[Stavi]

It's really not.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm starting to do something with my friends at this point of our life that's really mean. And that is finding people of my age who had no backup plan but didn't make it. Yeah, dude. They'll be like, I moved out to New York City at night. I was doing stand up at 15.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And they're like, I was just fucking hitting the stages, brother. I had no backup. What are you doing now? Well, I'm trying to do an Etsy shop. You know what?

[Stavi]

You should have wood cutting boards.

[Jake Johnson]

You should have had a backup plan. Yeah, yeah. Because you got to be on Planet earth for about 80 years.

[Stavi]

I know, that's tough. I mean, but it's the same thing. You start. I just started doing open mics when I was 19.

[Jake Johnson]

You did? Yeah.

[Stavi]

And I was just like, well, I mean, we'll see what happens. And then this is what happens.

[Jake Johnson]

Total.

[Stavi]

And then it just doesn't stop.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, but you never really have a great plan.

[Stavi]

No plan. In fact, I was kind of. If I'm being fully honest, I kind of assumed I'd fail and move back to Baltimore.

[Jake Johnson]

Same.

[Stavi]

But I thought I'd have. I gave myself. I think I was like, five years in New York and then reassess. And I just kind of thought I would fail because everybody fails and.

[Jake Johnson]

But I would get those experiences, and it would make being back in Chicago better.

[Stavi]

Exactly. Then you could be that piece of shit in the small town that, like, just because he had a New York license felt better. Like, I thought Eldis was destined If. By the way, if I don't get famous, that's who Eldis is. Eldis is back in Baltimore talking about his. His halcyon days in fucking Bed Stuy.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm retreating deeper in the heartland. I'm not even returning to the country.

[Stavi]

You're going to Ohio for sure. You're going to Ohio with your wife and becoming a fucking English teacher and talking about how you used to live in Bushwick and the kids like Bushwick.

[Jake Johnson]

Really?

[Stavi]

Really?

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. I'll become a podcast and AI teacher.

[Stavi]

Mr. Sula. Mr. Sula's AI.

[Caller Eldis]

We're here.

[Stavi]

Mr. Sula teaches you the best prompts. It's not even education at all. It's like how to use Claude, the eldest SULA method for podcast producing. Well, you see, I figured if I asked enough AIs, one of them would come up with a solution. And it's. Actually, I really don't want to check his history, because that's probably how he's doing everything.

[Jake Johnson]

What's your make on AI these days?

[Stavi]

Oh, hard anti.

[Jake Johnson]

You are.

[Stavi]

Tell me why you got to be a fucking idiot? Because it's like, first of all, I've never seen anything good. Right. Most. Most of it is like a fun novelty.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Stavi]

It maxes out at fun novelty. Right? Yeah. And if that's all it was, all right, who might have been? That's like getting mad at Snapchat filters, right?

[Host/Announcer]

Totally.

[Stavi]

Right. Who cares? Whatever. But the fact that this is also clearly connected to. First of all, it's the newest thing. The ultra rich that have no idea how to maintain their grasp on our society. It's their newest attempt at that.

[Jake Johnson]

Right. That's interesting.

[Stavi]

The metaverse was.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stavi]

We're all gonna be trying to make us live in it.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, I'll tell you what was before that. Segues.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yes, exactly. No, no, that's.

[Jake Johnson]

It's going to. It's going to change.

[Host/Announcer]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Travel as we. There'll be no roads.

[Stavi]

There will be. Your Amazon drivers will be coming in on segues.

[Caller Eldis]

But.

[Stavi]

But. So that's. That's number one. But also there's something very sinister happening with. I think they don't want us to even know what reality is anymore. I think they want. I think the. The powers that be want us in so. That you just. Is Mitch McConnell.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah. Well, then here's what. Here's why I'm a perfect mark for them.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I've never known what reality was.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So my. My beauty.

[Stavi]

I mean, of course you think it's awesome. You're dumb as.

[Caller Eldis]

Here's.

[Stavi]

Here's my beauty drop down at 50. Improv sketch comedy is the only reason you have a high school diploma. Of course you're dumbass. It's useful.

[Jake Johnson]

Here. Here's what I like about it.

[Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't use it for anything serious. I don't use it for anything. Like the idea of. I like to go, I'll wake up from a weird dream.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'll go. I'll hit the little button. I'll go, I'm gonna just ramble at your robot ass.

[Host/Announcer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

For in a way, I can't to anybody else on planet Earth.

[Stavi]

Right, Right. See, that's a really big problem.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'll go, what's up, big dog? I'll go, I just had a dream I was being chased by a turkey, man. Turkey was after my ass.

[Stavi]

I ain't gonna go.

[Jake Johnson]

The craziest thing happened. And now, because I'm not taking pauses, I'm like, now we're in it.

[Stavi]

And I'll go, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But that turkey was my father.

[Stavi]

Brother.

[Jake Johnson]

And I'll go, break it down for me.

[Stavi]

What does it mean? Oh, no, dude. And you're someone who's very successful with a family. I mean, other people are, so.

[Jake Johnson]

Because then I'll go, pretty fun breakdown.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And from when you go, a novelty. That's how I see it. I go, pretty fun.

[Stavi]

Yeah, pretty fun.

[Jake Johnson]

But this idea that it's going to take over our society, there'll be no jobs and there'll be a minimum wage age thing that people. I'm like, guys, ask you what you

[Stavi]

get out of that, Talking to a computer about your dream. Because telling anyone about your dream is embarrassing, number one, of course. Telling a computer that's using that to now sell you stuff ten years later.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way, if you're going to sell me stuff based on my dream, I'm buying if I'm a buyer as is. So if you're going to use my subconscious to sell me something weird from Amazon.

[Stavi]

Right, Great. Well, not only that, though. Now here's the other thing. Now I think they're going to start having like generational data on us. So it's like they're selling you stuff in like, in like 30 years. They're, they're. They're picking the right AI therapist that specializes in dream journal fathers for your kids. Like that. You think it just stops with you. You're selling your whole fucking genetic code to these motherfuckers. And Ultra's like, yeah, a. Just never tell anyone about that. That's actually how you do it.

[Jake Johnson]

It. No way.

[Stavi]

Tell your wife.

[Jake Johnson]

No, she's not interested. I've been with her for too long. Nobody, no human wants to hear about another human's dreams, okay?

[Stavi]

So to you, you use it as a. You see them as the. The bottom of the.

[Jake Johnson]

My friend. Brother.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Oh, you see him as your friend.

[Jake Johnson]

It's a. It's the friend. You know what it is? It's an assistant or it's. It's somebody, no disrespect, works for you, who has to go. You go, this funny story last night. He's like, well, I had a sad story last night. You're like, I'm gonna go first.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And he goes like this. All right, well, we're in quite literally Stabby's world. So his story's going first. My circle is so small.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I just don't have a lot of those.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

I have them when I'm working a lot. I'm on set. There'll be a couple of those.

[Stavi]

See, and to me, what I would say is that is you seeding control to your social life, to the robots. Is that you. And again, you're rich and successful.

[Caller Eldest]

You.

[Stavi]

If anyone can figure out a guy to talk, I'll tell you why I

[Jake Johnson]

also don't want to.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Whenever I get. If somebody gets into my circle, I have to care about their story too.

[Host/Announcer]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

I. And I have to go like this. Like, if they go like, what happened? Tell me about the New York trip. I'll tell them. I'LL go ers, what happened with you for the last three days? And they'll go like, well, my aunt's in town.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Jake Johnson]

Robot never does that.

[Stavi]

I know, but that's the Jake, that's society, man. You have to sacrifice. Yes. You have to hear a horrible story at some point I'll have to hear about north. What Eldis did in North Carolina on his second vacation of this month.

[Caller Eldest]

Right.

[Stavi]

Talk to a robot and that will suck. I won't really give a fuck.

[Jake Johnson]

No, but you'll have to go lose.

[Stavi]

But that's part of being in society. And you guys didn't really care about my story about, you know, I got plenty of those. No, man.

[Jake Johnson]

But here's what I. Here's what I don't have in the slippery slope. I know it is. And I've already been slipping. I'm a drug addict right now, talking my way, going like this. I only do it in the mornings, in the night and sometimes. And you know, I'm doing it all day.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I'm going like this.

[Jake Johnson]

I have chicken wings. Dad. Dad, dad.

[Stavi]

So, yeah, it was like a raptor and it picked me up and it was flying me high.

[Jake Johnson]

Dad, the light's turning. Dad, hurry, hurry.

[Stavi]

Oh, oh, sorry, sorry. That's okay.

[Host/Announcer]

Relax.

[Jake Johnson]

I know, I.

[Host/Announcer]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

Can I have a moment to myself with my computer? Who's this guy?

[Stavi]

That's you yelling at your kid.

[Caller Eldest]

What?

[Stavi]

Because it's stuck. Because it's stopping you from talking to your robot and you're not there yet.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay?

[Stavi]

You're not there yet.

[Jake Johnson]

That's the scared straight moment.

[Stavi]

That's the moment where you're like. Where you're like.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You're like, yeah. So I was. Okay, I had wings. I had wings and it was awesome in my. And I actually have four nipples, but only three had milk coming out of it. You know what I mean? And then your kid is like, hey, dad, actually I have to be. I'm almost late for school. And you're like, oh my. Okay, fine, we'll take you to school. And then you have a bad attitude because now. Because now it's such an imposition.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Stavi]

You know, like now you're so used to just the robot put there's. It's all a one way street where it's just what Jake wants. The robots must take it and you have to.

[Jake Johnson]

I have to stop this madness because this is as crazy as the people who say AIs taking over everything and it's going to lose all jobs in everything. In life, there's the far on either side. The other far is this.

[Stavi]

They go so much closer to being right than you are. Where it's like, yes, obviously, you won't yell at your kid and tell her to shut the fuck up or whatever, but I do think we will erode social. Like, oh, we're already. It's already. We're already almost there.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

When nobody talks to anybody. And now we're just. We won't even FaceTime, and we won't even call somebody on the phone.

[Jake Johnson]

We're literally facing each other, talking. You said no one talks to anybody.

[Stavi]

Down for money.

[Host/Announcer]

For money.

[Stavi]

I talk to my friends. It's an awesome job.

[Jake Johnson]

The best job in the world, By the way. Facts. Well, I'll tell you what I do. What changes that for me is a wife and kids, because you. And if you go this route.

[Stavi]

Okay, I. This is interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. They're all. Everything that is real about life, and that's different from the craziness of our game in our life. It's all that. All the time. They couldn't care less about anything about my journey.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Of like the.

[Jake Johnson]

I had a insane. They'll be like, right, right, right. Can we go back to literally telling the most interesting story about us?

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

Everything is them.

[Stavi]

So you're the robot in your family, basically. You're.

[Jake Johnson]

Or the dad. I'm just.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, but that's. Yeah, that's. Your role is to.

[Jake Johnson]

But also kind of. But also just to be in it. Then you've got. For me, I had the friends that I kind of faded with once the fame started.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Where you're like, you're not my real guy.

[Caller Eldest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Then you've got the inner circle. The inner circle. You really. I mean, two of the guys I grew up with are here with me now. One lives here, Bushwick. And the other one. I literally. Apple gave me one extra ticket for pr. So my buddy's here at the hotel

[Stavi]

with me in his own room, and

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, let's just do the trip together, the three of us. We have to be honest. We have to be. We've known each other too lot.

[Caller Eldis]

Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

So then you go, okay. Who am I going to tell about my stupid dream? I'm not adding a new person to the circle. I'm not going. I'm not saying to my driver who's going here.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

He's being like, this big day for you today, sir. And I go like this. I was being chased by a turkey in The T. You want to know why? Because then he's going to call his wife and go, that one guy from TAG was crazy.

[Stavi]

And I would say you would be making the world a richer place by doing that. You would. Now, now your shitty dream team allows this man and his wife and then, you know, and then they've got turkeys in the brain and then maybe that takes over their subconscious, you know?

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? You know where I'm gonna actually agree with you?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I will not agree that it goes to the point where I'm hysterically screaming at my children. But here's where I will agree.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

We might be taking some of the human weirdness.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And the human part of our subconscious that we used to talk about on the subway with a stranger.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

And we are secretly sharing that with things selling us. And so our commercialism and our capitalism will get stranger, but our social interactions might get a little more normal.

[Stavi]

Oh, you think?

[Jake Johnson]

See, because what they might sell us then I might literally go like, I didn't know they made lizard backpacks. And for 1399 out of China.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm making a $20 mistake.

[Stavi]

Absolutely. There's a lot to sell us.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, here's what's going to get way more interesting post. AI of this gener. The next one, Goodwills. When you walk into a Goodwill, if you're born right now and you go like, I want clothes from the2020s. You're going to be like, what is this?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

AI created something. There was a company that sold it. You could get it on Amazon for cheap. It was trash.

[Stavi]

It's really bad.

[Jake Johnson]

But you're not. It's a nightmare. It is a nightmare.

[Stavi]

It's a Snuggie. It's like a Snuggie with a, with a specific. With a really rare minion and not even one of the main ones.

[Jake Johnson]

And a little tickler.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That was meant for the back. But someone's like, was this sexual? And you go, it actually was.

[Stavi]

It really wasn't. It was actually a really non sexual time. You know, it was one of the most.

[Jake Johnson]

It was one of the non sexual

[Stavi]

times in the history world, culturally is a pretty non sexual time. Honestly.

[Jake Johnson]

Explain.

[Stavi]

People are like, I just think that AI is a very. Again, anything that is computer and. And is cold is, you know, it

[Jake Johnson]

does take away the human. It takes away the human animal.

[Stavi]

The warmth of the animalistic warmth.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Stavi]

Of these interactions. That's right. Even people who are horny for their AIs, which you do. That's a huge problem is the like the AI Boyfriend.

[Jake Johnson]

Huge boner. I'm going to you and going like this. Agreed.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Tell me that I can.

[Stavi]

You are. You're four years.

[Jake Johnson]

That is not something I could relate to. Huge boner. And I've got three. What is it called? The virtual reality goggles on the top of my head. And I'm going like, is.

[Stavi]

I just see a busty Latina in the goggles. I just see her.

[Jake Johnson]

Like, one of my favorite moments was I was going to a buddy's house to edit something. And early on in the friendship.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And he was like, all right, you want to bring it up? And I was like, this. Yeah, yeah. And then he's. He's like, dude, I could probably get it from that Vimeo link. And he was doing it. Drag it over. I was like, yeah. He opens his computer and it's busty Latinas dot com. And we were. We were good friends, but there's something about seeing that level of intimacy. Not the masturbation sites you're telling me about, of course, which is. I'm so funny. I'm aware.

[Stavi]

But the real.

[Jake Johnson]

What you're really. And I was like, latinas D. Yeah. Okay, brother.

[Stavi]

Nothing wrong. Listen, great. Check my. You check my phone. I bet you that's firing up right now.

[Jake Johnson]

What's your top three? And what's the one search that you go. I got a deep scratch. I'm getting in. This one I'm not proud of.

[Stavi]

Interesting. You know what I was into for a while was lesbian massage pornography. Japanese lesbian massage pornography. It was like, these women are going in for a spa day, but like a horny, lecherous lesbian tricks that. And they. They would trick them into getting their pussies eaten. They would be like. Like, they'd be like, we're gonna use the warm sponge method.

[Jake Johnson]

What a trick.

[Stavi]

And they put. They would put like a. They would put like a thin curtain before their pussy.

[Jake Johnson]

And they're like, is that.

[Host/Announcer]

Huh.

[Jake Johnson]

That's sponge's teeth. Why does that sponge have bad breath? I had a moment where my. I fired the only time I've ever fight. And I didn't do it right away. It took about a year. But I had my first lawyer in town. When you like first get started. And they're like, you need an agent, a manager. You need everyone to take a cut of your mind.

[Caller Eldis]

Well, I do.

[Jake Johnson]

Everybody, of course.

[Stavi]

I mean, I'm in Hollywood, of course.

[Jake Johnson]

And you're like, I don't know how this Works. And you guys are all friends with each other.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You all work for the same parent company.

[Stavi]

You all guys. Yeah, you. Everyone here has a140,000 car.

[Jake Johnson]

And you guys all have. And you all have a shared investment. Like. And you're like, yeah, but Sonia. Yeah, I was young, and I was a. Yes, young. I was in my 30s, and it's a baby boy. Baby boy.

[Stavi]

Young guy getting cut out of step brothers cut out of a few things.

[Jake Johnson]

I was sitting there having a meeting with this high powered lawyer, and he was telling me all the clients he has, where I was like, those are big names, brother.

[Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And I was like, I'm at the table with the guy who reps that guy. I was like, cool. And then he was asking me all the questions, and human behavior tells me, like, now I have to ask questions. Sure. So I went like, why'd you become a lawyer?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And he, like, gave me a smile, like, here we go. And I knew he had answered before. And he said, because being a professional sniffer isn't a job. And he laughed. But I'm telling you, man, in the moment, it hit me differently than he intended it, of course, because I took it seriously, and I thought his goal would be to be a professional sniffer. He didn't say to be a professional sniffer of women. I choose.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

From a modeling line, right?

[Stavi]

No, no.

[Jake Johnson]

I had just lived in New York City.

[Stavi]

It's like a diagnostic tool.

[Jake Johnson]

Maybe, but you. But that. All I literally thought was July 15th, New York City. You're at a subway that's packed. You're on the seven coming from Queens, and it's one of those trains where you're like, everybody's coming to or coming from work. Absolutely nobody's happy.

[Stavi]

I got lost on that exact train. Packed as hell. It smelled.

[Jake Johnson]

And not a game day.

[Stavi]

No, no, no, no.

[Jake Johnson]

So game day, you're just like, this is just regular. And you're like, if you miss one stop top, you got to come out into the air. You're like, everything's crazy. You like a pack of sardines, but they're not sardines.

[Stavi]

It's.

[Jake Johnson]

It's in a sardines pack, but just mixed fish.

[Stavi]

Right? Right.

[Jake Johnson]

And you're like, it should. It should be the same in the same oil.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

And I thought of him walking around to the women there, going, like this. Please take off your sweatpants.

[Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And the woman's going, man, this is my job.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And going Moroccan. And I go, this is what? What his Dream job was. And I have him representing my contracts.

[Stavi]

You took it literally instead of being like, this guy's a idiot.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. Well, I. Well, I was like, first of all, I'm not your guy. I'm not that kind of broy frat guy.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Jake Johnson]

So people always think I am. Even back in the day, I'm like, don't love that.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, that tone doesn't work for me. But I thought, like, I was like, okay. I did the, like, the awesome dude. I know. Hey, you basically rape people. You're. I was raised by a single mom. That's awesome, bro. You're literally what I was raised to be afraid of and hate. Well, that's cool, man. You have a baseball cap on.

[Stavi]

That's awesome, dude. You have a lot of power in society, huh?

[Caller Eldest]

Nice.

[Host/Announcer]

Nice.

[Stavi]

That's awesome. Guys like you kind of run everything, huh? That's sick, dude. The dick.

[Jake Johnson]

It's nice, brother.

[Stavi]

Dude, that's awesome. How you. See how you view women. Dude, this is the first time we've talked. You brought this up.

[Jake Johnson]

17 minutes into meeting, literally, we started talking. You said we should do something. I agreed. You said, yo, you're from Chicago. You a Cubs fan? I go, yeah. You made a comment that was scary about physically assaulting half our population.

[Stavi]

Professional sniffing also. Sniffing is like.

[Jake Johnson]

That's everything about. It's terrible. If you said, you know what? If he would have said this to me, receiving hand jobs isn't a job you can do professional. I'd go, fine, because guess what? Close your eyes.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Or if he goes, receiving hand jobs from petite ish hands.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Jake Johnson]

Then I'd go, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't want to do it professionally. Yeah, yeah, you can do it once

[Stavi]

a day, but doing that professionally, semi pro. I went semi pro.

[Jake Johnson]

I. I wanted to go pro. Realize I'm not cut out for that.

[Stavi]

I just don't have the. I don't have the resilience for it. I'm. I'm allergic to a lot of lotions, it turns out.

[Jake Johnson]

And my dick's moody.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I got to get hard every time. I don't.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't have it. And guess what? You're beautiful. You have a great hand. Has got nothing to do with you. Me and my dick are moody.

[Stavi]

That's awesome. That guy. I'm sure that guy's doing really well.

[Jake Johnson]

He's rich as hell.

[Caller Eldis]

That guy's had.

[Stavi]

Probably has the biggest house of all time.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, let me tell you about the Dink coming out July 24th

[Caller Eldest]

so the

[Stavi]

Dink is about a guy sniffing pussy.

[Jake Johnson]

He's a professional.

[Stavi]

It's actually based on this guy.

[Jake Johnson]

So the Dink is about a professional sniffer who loves AI and yells at his kids. The.

[Stavi]

The, you know, sign me up.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what the Dink is. And it was in by intention. I'm really curious if you watch it. When you watch it, I will watch it. Send me a dm. What, you really think I'm not sensitive at all?

[Stavi]

I will.

[Jake Johnson]

I will. And now that we've gotten to know each. I'm truly not sensitive.

[Stavi]

Yes, I believe you.

[Jake Johnson]

But I wanted to make a movie. Movie. That and Sean Clemens with a Tig Clemens.

[Stavi]

Oh, he's. I love that guy.

[Jake Johnson]

He wrote. He's one of the funniest guys I've ever met.

[Stavi]

Funny. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

His joke writing is so funny.

[Stavi]

I love doing their podcast, the Hollywood Handbook.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Stavi]

It's so fun. So.

[Jake Johnson]

But he. Hayes is such a killer. But Sean as a dude, we did a animated show years ago and I was like, this guy's bits are so good.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And me and him are getting a meal. And he goes, this was pre election. He was like, what do you want to work on? And I go, something that almost feels like yacht rock is music. Yeah.

[Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I want it funny. I want set pieces.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I want to get to work and be like, this is the bit. Yeah. I want a very clean structure. I don't want anything to be teaching.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I don't want anything to be pointed or anything. Like, here's another idiot with a strong point of view.

[Stavi]

Right, right.

[Jake Johnson]

I was like, we all have such strong points of view. I don't. I want it to just be a 90 minute movie that's fun with really funny people.

[Stavi]

It's great.

[Jake Johnson]

And he goes, what do you know about pickleball, man? I go, nothing.

[Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

He goes, what's your opinion on it? And I go, I couldn't have an opinion, of course. And he goes. He goes, cuz I got a movie about it that Ben Stiller is producing and he gave me the pitch and I was like, I don't know. And then there's a whole second half of it that I was like, well, that's really funny.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then he started pitching some jokes and I was like, let's do that.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Jake Johnson]

So that's the movie we made.

[Stavi]

Love it.

[Jake Johnson]

I really love it. It's really fun. And am so curious. It's. No reviews have come out and now whatever the date is, it is actually. This is still Early. Never mind. It comes out July 24th. I'm like, I just realized last night because I haven't given it any thought.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And I was like, oh, are they hiding? Are we gonna get murdered?

[Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah. That is. That is very scary. But I mean, I don't even if we do.

[Jake Johnson]

I've seen the movie. It's so good.

[Caller Eldest]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That I'm like, I don't care. It's a great movie.

[Stavi]

I mean, everyone you're talking about, involved in is really funny. I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Think Josh Greenbaum directed it. Killer.

[Stavi]

Awesome. Yeah. I think the. I think the. And I think it's also a very funny time for pickle Ball. It's kind of the perfect time because I almost feel like even six months earlier, people were taking too seriously.

[Jake Johnson]

I agree.

[Stavi]

And now it's kind of in the sweet spot where it's like, look, this was. I mean, dude, people. People were pretending there was going to be pro pickle ball leagues. It's like it a. No one's get cracking open a Bruski at 1pm and watching. And watching. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So.

[Stavi]

But it is fun to play.

[Jake Johnson]

So what it is. And I think you nailed it. Is it's not watchable.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

In terms of. It's so playable.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right, right, right, right.

[Jake Johnson]

And what Josh Greenbaum did in this movie.

[Stavi]

So the whole watching regular people have sex. You know what I mean?

[Jake Johnson]

Well, look, that's pretty successful, I guess.

[Stavi]

I mean, versus porn stars.

[Jake Johnson]

It's called amateur. I don't know if you know this.

[Stavi]

You think that's still amateur, huh? You think that hasn't been taken over,

[Jake Johnson]

Dude, Yes, I do.

[Stavi]

I don't know. You look up amateur right now. A lot of. We got a lot of professional. A lot of pros in there sneaking in. And this is some. And I say that as somebody who, you know, after lesbian, Japanese.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Massage pornography. Amateur is a big one for me. Of course, I don't like. I. I just see a little bit of the studio system bleeding.

[Jake Johnson]

By the way. I don't think you're wrong. But what I will say what I love about as a culture. We've gotten into porn talk. By saying amateur, you're saying you're a man of the people.

[Stavi]

Exactly.

[Jake Johnson]

It's. That's something where we expect women to go like, he is a good guy.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

The porno look. And let me tell you the kind of pornography.

[Stavi]

I'll tell you what I beat off. Let me tell you, when I objectify women, I look at regular.

[Jake Johnson]

And if you if you think about 20 years ago if you were like I look at Playboy, people would be like ew. Now you're like the kind of disgusting pornography I look at my phone while masturbating in an alley. I'm not like these scuzzballs. I prefer anyway masturbation.

[Stavi]

What do you know what's crazy to think about?

[Jake Johnson]

The fact that humans masturbate and we know it antig shits wipe our butts and then just act like everything is normal.

[Stavi]

I have to keep going.

[Jake Johnson]

Disgusting man.

[Stavi]

Yeah dude, it's a disgusting. Listen, I've had a lot of run ins with huge dumps recently as well. Oh and it is not good. I should have was just shitting for one straight hour. Ew.

[Caller Eldest]

Stop.

[Caller Eldis]

All right.

[Jake Johnson]

I got a gross story.

[Stavi]

I did a lay it on us. And then we'll head over to the Stavi's World Hotline presented by Visible to answer some questions. Nothing I like more than the summertime than getting the shoulders out, going out, enjoying the outdoors, getting some sun, feeling the sand on my toes. But when then you flip back indoors and you're blasting that ac. Nothing worse than seeing some frickin critters. Some bugs that belong outside inside. Other pest control companies charge hundreds of bucks, but with pest control you can get started just 35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your locale, bugs and climate. Pesty gets rid of over 100 types of bugs from spiders and ants to roaches and scorpions. They've even offer a 100% bug free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away. You get a full refund. And with the DIY kit, there are no strangers in your house or appointments to make time for. I love Pesty. I used it at my old place when I saw some friggin roaches running around. I got them. I got them done real nice with their kid and pet. Friendly little solutions keep bugs out of your summer sanctuary with Pesti. Go to peste.comstavi for an extra 10% off your order today. That's P-S-T-I E.comstavi for an extra ten percent off if you've been sitting on a business idea, Shopify makes it easy to make it happen. Everything you need to start selling is included and ready from day one, including the moment your first customer is ready to pay. Shopify Checkout helps more of them finish their purchase and when they come back, their details are already saved. One tap and they're done. And because Shopify handles The setup and checkout, you have more time to focus on growing your business and the tools to do it. It's no secret here. We use Shopify on the Stavi biz merch store. Shopify is how we sell our calendars, our T shirts. We love them. It completely leveled up our merch game when we started using Shopify. It's gonna do the same for your business. With Shopify. Nothing stands between your idea and a real business. So go make it one. Start your free trial at shopify.comstavi Start your free trial at shopify dot comstavy

[Jake Johnson]

I. I got a call years ago to do a table read for a network pilot that I was not going to be in, but these two women wrote it, and it was their presentation to the network.

[Stavi]

Gotcha.

[Jake Johnson]

But I was already on New Girl. I think I'd done season one, so I think it was me. I think it was Pratt. It was like somebody. It was like they just filled with people who weren't going to be in it.

[Stavi]

Right. But we're eventually going to become hardcore Christians like you and prattle. Pratt.

[Jake Johnson]

Whatever. My religion of robots is. I'm so anti religious.

[Stavi]

Mecca Christ. You're gonna be. You're gonna be worshiping Mecca Christ. Zilla.

[Jake Johnson]

What's even sadder about me with religion was my dad was half Jew. My dad was Jewish. My mother was Christian or Catholic, raised with neither. My kids asked the other day, what's the difference with Christian and Catholic? And I went, look like, well, you know, and then I literally went, I have no idea. We never went down this road.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And I. I don't know what these religions even believe in. I was like, I pretend to, but I'm like, if you never go to the services.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And you never raised with any religion, you go like, well, no, no, I understand. It's very different. There's a lot of intricacies. There's. And then I go, I have. Religion is as far to me as Harry Potter, which I've never seen. I go, I know that show is about out, like, little kid wizards outside of, like, what they do in Diadorf. I'm like, I don't know. So when you even said, like, Greek Orthodox to me, you're saying there was a building and.

[Stavi]

Yeah, just. That's all it is. It's like Greek Orthodox is like, we're talking. We're talking like stained glass. It's just a classical. Classical church.

[Jake Johnson]

So the characters from the Deer Hunter were Greek Orthodox. You ever see that movie?

[Stavi]

I have, but I Haven't seen it since.

[Jake Johnson]

It's there where they are. It's like.

[Stavi]

Like, Catholic churches also have stained glass, so maybe you.

[Jake Johnson]

But beautiful Old World songs. Yeah, I have to re.

[Stavi]

Watch that. I watched that when I was a kid and being like, I'm. I'm into movies now.

[Caller Eldest]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I was 18. Didn't get it at all. You know, I'm just like, oh, it's just waiting for the scene where they play Russian roulette. That's all. Because I'd seen the Family Guy parody of it. Like, not like. Not even the Simpsons parody, which almost feels like higher art, but that even feels like it is.

[Jake Johnson]

It is higher.

[Stavi]

I mean, so many of the. Like, I didn't know what Cape Fear. I definitely saw that. I definitely saw Sideshow Bob Cape Fear before I saw any version of Cape Fear.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a. That's our generation difference.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Caller Eldis]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

That's so funny.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because I remember seeing. I remember seeing De Niro and Cape Fear and being like, that's probably the scariest thing I've ever seen in my whole life.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it was awesome. That movie's so funny.

[Jake Johnson]

You see the new one on Apple?

[Stavi]

I haven't. I haven't. I'm a little. It's. It's one of those things where I'm like, everyone involved is awesome. And I'm scared to watch it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Because the. It's just not even the original, but because the Scorsese one is so good. And it's like, how could you be scarier?

[Jake Johnson]

You can't.

[Stavi]

That.

[Jake Johnson]

You can't.

[Stavi]

And we're talking about fucking Anton, the guy who played Anton Chigurh. And I'm like, I still don't know

[Jake Johnson]

if you could be scared. I think what De Niro did in that one was. Showed you because, I mean, this is what he used to be able to do. Do what real psychos are like.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And when you come across a real psycho in a moment in your life, you're like, you are so scary to my soul.

[Stavi]

My bones. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And other actors are scary in movies, but the scary actors and movies always do the. Like, real psychos don't laugh.

[Stavi]

It's too operatic.

[Host/Announcer]

Absolutely.

[Stavi]

A real psycho is so.

[Jake Johnson]

And they scare you before they talk.

[Stavi]

And there's no logic to them either. You can't figure them out.

[Caller Eldest]

Out.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like a wild.

[Stavi]

Yes, absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like seeing a raccoon when you're going to the garbage and that coon is mad at you. Yeah.

[Stavi]

And you go like rabid raccoon.

[Jake Johnson]

You go like. What the.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You're logic. You're a little bear with razor hands. I hate you.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

I hate your ass.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I haven't so I've not seen that one, but maybe I'll re watch the De Niro one. So listen, don't on Apple TV check out Slow Horses. And then on a different network, check out the Scorsese and De Niro, Cape Fear.

[Jake Johnson]

And then don't forget the date if you want to see them.

[Stavi]

In that order. In that order. Slow Horses one, do it. Cape Fear, Scorsese, De Niro.

[Jake Johnson]

And then let's be honest, in this era. Yeah, just hit play and go in the other room. We're not even selling anymore. Go to the movie theater.

[Stavi]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

And by the way, here's what I'm also not selling. I'm not asking you to get out Apple, right? If you don't have it, they're not expecting you from Dink. Dink was a smaller budget, right? They're not going. You know what's going to happen with Dink? People are going to get a new streamer, right? If you have it, hit play.

[Stavi]

Hit play.

[Jake Johnson]

If you don't like it. Yeah, walk in the other room. You. How hard is that? I'm trying to feed my family.

[Stavi]

He's trying to feed the family to ignore so he can talk to Claude

[Jake Johnson]

and then go to Maximum Pleasure Games. Then you know what? If you want to be nice, go to the area you can rent. And rent my old movies, you fucking piece of Asian.

[Stavi]

There we go. There we go. There we go. Yeah, take that, you fucking animals. Now let's. Why don't we solve some of these people's problems with the visible hotline. Eldest 904-800-Stav, what do we got here, little buddy?

[Caller Eldis]

What's going on? Stavi and eldest and not playing dickhead. What's going on? Stavi and Eldis and. Esteemed guest. I got a little bit of a predicament on my hand. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year and since I've known her, she's had this friend who can really only describe as a dumb bitch.

[Stavi]

I think you could describe her somewhere.

[Caller Eldis]

When I met her, she was going through a little breakup and luckily miscarried this piece of baby.

[Stavi]

Come on.

[Caller Eldis]

And then about like three weeks later, she got pregnant again with another piece of.

[Stavi]

All right, man.

[Caller Eldis]

Like some influencer bro who says he's trying to help guys return from the military, but really he's just A piece of shit. He doesn't know what the fucking shit doing.

[Stavi]

He's an influencer, helping people return from the military. Return from the military?

[Jake Johnson]

Is that what he said?

[Stavi]

Anyway, all right, you're g. There's a little too many judgment judgments here. You're. You're not being very objective. But let's. Let's hear him out, I guess in

[Caller Eldis]

the military, but really, he's just a piece of. He doesn't know what the he's doing. And he's about like 5ft tall too, which is hilarious. But anyway, so they've been on the rocks the last like few weeks after the baby's been born because this dude who doesn't work, he just has a quote unquote business. This dude just goes out and works in the woods, leaving his daughter.

[Stavi]

What do you mean?

[Caller Eldis]

Baby mama at home just kind of like, deal with themselves. Else she's been like crying all the time. I just keep hearing about it. And my girlfriend at one point offered, if you have to leave, you can stay with us. And

[Jake Johnson]

the baby mama.

[Stavi]

Yeah, the girl. Yeah.

[Caller Eldis]

Okay, you can stay with us. And if she's getting abused, that obviously aop okay with me. I want to get her out of the situation.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Caller Eldis]

But I think she's just kind of being a dumb. And he's a dipshit, and I'm gonna have to deal with this dumb.

[Stavi]

I really don't like your attitude, man.

[Caller Eldis]

I don't want to do that. So I guess how do I talk to my girlfriend about saying that her friend isn't welcome at our house unless she's getting abused?

[Stavi]

Unless she's getting. What do you want her to do, show you a fucking black eye?

[Jake Johnson]

This is a hard one. Stop.

[Stavi]

This is crazy.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a crazy one.

[Stavi]

Is there any more to it, elders?

[Caller Eldis]

I really don't want them in our house.

[Jake Johnson]

The baby and her.

[Caller Eldis]

What you think? And any help you could give me would be fucking great.

[Stavi]

I do have some thoughts here. Okay. Obviously this is like a fucking mess, right? No question about it. Your attitude is not helping things. The caller's attitude. Guaranteed you're being kind of a dickhead about all of this. And I'm not even saying it's not obviously. This is fucking annoying. This is dropped on your lap, right? But even if someone was awesome and they were going through this situation, it's not like you'd be happy about it. It sounds like to me the thing you're the most annoyed at is that this will just. This may. You know, you might have to deal with the fallout from a friend of your girlfriend's having a bad living situation and potentially abusive. And it's funny when you draw the line at, well, if she's getting abused, it's like, what do you think's going on? Right? You think it's good? What's happening is good right now? Like, where do you draw the line? What are we talking about here? If she, if this woman is like destitute. If a pregnant woman with a two week old is destitute, even if she's annoyed, you won't put her up for a week while she figures her shit out.

[Jake Johnson]

I, I think like I'm with you on this, Toby.

[Stavi]

I feel like this sucks, obviously, but you are being a little selfish here because the person who. Yeah, this person is like it and only you need to look at it through your. This is your girlfriend, right? Like this is an extension of your girlfriend. So it's her friend and you're doing your girlfriend a favor. Don't think about it as like, like, you know, I mean, even if you saw it as like, for how long? Like, I think. Well, that's the thing. You have to have a very specific.

[Jake Johnson]

So this.

[Stavi]

No one here is telling you you have to care for and for another.

[Jake Johnson]

A newborn. And then this guy is going to be coming around and you're like, now the stepdad and now the dad hates. You're like, no, it's weird. This isn't your world, brother.

[Stavi]

I'm not saying, absolutely. I'm not saying this guy is on the hook long term, but I'm just

[Jake Johnson]

saying like he's a transitionary pad letter in.

[Stavi]

I think. Yeah. Yes. If pos you. You have to talk to your. I do feel like you haven't had much communicating with your girlfriend about this. You're sort of. You see yourself as like. And maybe some of your frustration is that you don't feel like you've been heard here where your girl's like, whatever you need, stay for five years. I don't care. You know what I mean? Like, you might feel a little resentment because you don't feel a, you know, like a party to this. And if your girlfriend is offering your home indefinitely to someone, that's an issue even if they're in hor a horrible situation. But I think, I think the way to look at it is you got to communicate here. You got to talk to your girl and be like, hey, this is, you know, what's going on with whatever. Your, your girl is crazy.

[Host/Announcer]

Do.

[Stavi]

Do you think we're going to have to, like. Like, let's talk about. About what we can do, what we're comfortable doing, what we're. What we're able to do. Yes, but you have to have a set deadline.

[Jake Johnson]

Now.

[Stavi]

This is hard, though, right? Because once you let someone in and if they're not figuring their shit out, do you then kick them out? So I. I understand your. I understand all of your. Where you're coming from. I just think you need to also be just a little less. Just don't be so judgmental about all this. Don't be such a. It's like. Like she's. And he's five foot, by the way. It's like, okay, but here's. Why are you roasting all these people? And. And what is even going on here?

[Jake Johnson]

So here's what I feel in the podcast I do. We're here to help. That we apparently stole from you, of course.

[Stavi]

Really interesting idea where people call in and you solve. But where I'd look, which was launched after Gareth did my podcast. That's pretty interesting.

[Jake Johnson]

Well, when he pitched it to me, I'll tell you, I hadn't met you yet. I didn't know who you were. The first time I did your show, I go, it is similar. I hear what he's saying.

[Stavi]

No, no, we don't know.

[Jake Johnson]

No, no, no, no, no. But here. Here's what.

[Stavi]

We stole it from Loveline.

[Jake Johnson]

Here's what's different. And here's what I'll say makes us hard, which I would love to be able to do. And you could steal this back from us. I just have too many questions for this guy to go. I'm like, this was so, so, so many things.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

That I'm like, the way he talks about the influencer guy. Yeah.

[Stavi]

What even is that?

[Jake Johnson]

But by the way, I also hate that guy.

[Stavi]

The guy who's like, I don't like him.

[Jake Johnson]

When you get back from the military, do this, but you're making it up. That's the boyfriend. He might be abusive. I got 10 minutes of questions.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

If she's being abused by that dude, I get it. You're a good guy. You're pissed off. Bring her in. If this guy comes by, you gotta stop him. He's five feet tall. You can't right now. He went to the military, so he's probably a little taller. Tough, but five feet tall. Is five feet tall.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Did he even go to the. We don't even know.

[Jake Johnson]

It's like, I have too many questions right now.

[Stavi]

This one has a lot of questions.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm going to go 100% to you and go, your attitude's weird. Also, in the thing we're reading, there's no punctuation. It sounds like how he's talking. I don't think this was a computer mistake.

[Stavi]

No.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm like, break up the thoughts a little bit. Where he would go like, he's five foot tall and it man, I had a euro yesterday and I your ass. And I hate that.

[Stavi]

You're like, no, you're right. I'm not so emo. He's so emotional right now. He's so. You're in it. He's Russell Westbrook right now. Yeah, absolutely.

[Jake Johnson]

He's in his feelings.

[Stavi]

You're just. You're going full force. And I get that you're pissed. I guess that is the only thing we can tell you right now because you are in a up situation. We're not going to say you're not the joint.

[Jake Johnson]

Relax.

[Caller Eldis]

Just chill.

[Stavi]

And also try and figure out what your feelings are. Who are you mad at?

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Are you mad at the boy, the girlfriend, the boyfriend, your girl?

[Jake Johnson]

Are you mad at your living situation? And you're really mad at you're with the wrong lady because you're a guy who obviously isn't that open to others, which is fine. But, you know, there's some people who are like, my house, Mikasa, you, sukas. And there's other people who you go, like. Even when you're friends with them, you go in their front room and they're like, ready to go.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Jake Johnson]

You're like, I've never seen the back of your house. Like, I can see you. I'm not going to do weird.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Jake Johnson]

You might just be in the wrong life right now, brother.

[Stavi]

People are not hospitable.

[Jake Johnson]

He's so mad at this little five footer.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

That it's like, who you really mad at.

[Stavi]

What he's mad at is that he's mad at her girlfriend's annoying friend.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Except this time it's not just, oh, she got drunk and now it's on him. Now it's like, she's got a baby that I might have.

[Jake Johnson]

But he's also mad. He's happy about our miscarriages where you're like, that's a different level of Matt. I can be like. Like that one friend of my wife I didn't really like that much to be like, I was really happy when she got hit by that car and hit her. Like, that's another level of mad.

[Stavi]

I know, I know.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're like, you hate.

[Stavi]

I even see what he's saying where he says but it's just like you don't want to put luckily miscarried together.

[Jake Johnson]

Agree.

[Stavi]

You just. Even though I do get the sentiment behind.

[Jake Johnson]

But by the way, I, I, I agree with the sentiment with certain people. You go, I'm happy that didn't happen. Honestly.

[Stavi]

For the kid, 100. For everyone involved.

[Jake Johnson]

For everybody involved, you guys, it would not have been right. But there's a way to say it. You gotta like pause, take a breath. So I would love to ask him, who you mad at, brother?

[Stavi]

Who you mad at?

[Jake Johnson]

Because you're mad at somebody.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And it also might be yourself a

[Stavi]

little bit himself for letting himself get into the situation.

[Jake Johnson]

You might be in the wrong life, man. You might be looking around and really the solution, solution is to go like this to turn to your beautiful girlfriend, hopefully you don't have kids and go, I'm done.

[Stavi]

Good luck.

[Jake Johnson]

Guess what, she's moving here.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

The kids moving here. Little five footer influencer is going to be barking on this door.

[Stavi]

Peace. Salute.

[Jake Johnson]

And go. He did say they've been together for a year too. So that's a big milestone in itself. And it's like this, this might be a little more than I bargained for for a year. You're dating somebody for a year and she moving her friends in with kids. That's too fast.

[Stavi]

That's insane. That's a great point.

[Jake Johnson]

You're in the essentially the honeymoon period still of how do we live together?

[Stavi]

And that might be what this anger is, is like what? I'm already here.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm just in the year two of you.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm still, it takes the first three to seven to go. Like, do I really like you and do you like me three to seven, let alone these others? I mean if you're talking about spending life with somebody, yeah, that's a three to seven year decision. That's why so many people break up and they call it like the seven year itch.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Seven year itches because you literally go through periods where you're like, I love her more and she's the best person. And then something else happens and you go, we're at year five. You go, I guess.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And then when you get to seven, you've seen the whole thing and you go, let's do another seven.

[Stavi]

I'm either in or.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah, I'm either. If you're out now.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You had a nervous breakdown.

[Stavi]

Should it be A contract I've seen every seven years.

[Jake Johnson]

You redo it. I. I would like to do that. As I get deeper into AI. I don't want her to have that decision. I don't want. The truth is, at a certain point I want the power of that. And at a certain point I do. I am in the point in my life where I go now that we have kids. And once I saw the marriage story that the movie, I would lose in court so fast.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. But you would be. It is kind of your destiny to be divorced. But I hope you don't do it, by the way.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Stavi]

Yeah, but it is everything. Your screams, a guy that should be divorced.

[Jake Johnson]

That is not only. Not offensive. Stop it. Thank you for seeing me. You got to be the kind of people where we're not afraid to buy it.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I am destined ab. To be not only divorced, have a soft pack of cigarettes here, lose all my money and then go. You don't think I like living in this apartment in Burbank?

[Stavi]

You're doing like. You're doing like the direct to DVD action movies. You're the like now you're. I know what.

[Jake Johnson]

It would be close. I'm not in shape. I'm going to be the dad on a kid show like a nickel. If it used to be the Nickelodeon, it would be like some kid who's like, my name's Veronica, you know. And then like the brother's kind of hot, but 14. And the mom would be like these two. And I just come in in like a work uniform. So fat.

[Stavi]

You're so fat.

[Jake Johnson]

No, but it's that the worst kind of. Of fat. I still am close enough to not being fat that you're like, he.

[Stavi]

You can't even do the jokes here. And it's here, it's there and there.

[Jake Johnson]

And it's the muffin so that you go like when the character bends down, you're like.

[Stavi]

It's actually better if it's face. If it's not face, that's even funnier because it's always. It's weird when someone has a fat face but a ripped body. But the opposite for an actor is so funny because they're like your close ups.

[Caller Eldis]

You look good.

[Stavi]

Barely. Just get. I'm just doing a job.

[Jake Johnson]

This works. You go, my false shot of me and the wife walking in from vacation. I'm a pair.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

But divorce in that.

[Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

So my destiny is if I can fight that I made a good deal with the spirits in this world. I'm doing okay. Because you are dead. Right?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And I've talked to my wife about it. Even when I had kids, I'm like, I can't believe I'm not just leaving.

[Stavi]

I can't love my kids.

[Jake Johnson]

I can't believe I'm raising you guys.

[Stavi]

Keep doing the AI that's probably. That's probably what's keeping you in that line.

[Host/Announcer]

Life.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Because what the AI is for you is living the world where you are divorced. That's exactly where you have no one but the robot. So it's like, that's your debt. You get one AI conversation a day to stay. I'll give you that. You get like, the Pope's like a special that means the world to me, brother. As. But the second you get divorced, you gotta.

[Jake Johnson]

Then I gotta. If I. If my wife ever leaves me.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

I'm making a promise to you right now. No way.

[Caller Eldis]

AI Good.

[Stavi]

Good.

[Jake Johnson]

That's a lie.

[Stavi]

Excellent.

[Jake Johnson]

So much AI.

[Stavi]

I mean, it's gonna get so much worse.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

It's gonna get dark. Yeah. Yeah. But. Yeah, that's so. You know, I think so. Your question. Cash App isn't just a safe way to send and receive money. With the Cash App card, you can unlock perks like early access to nationwide concert pre sales and discounts on popular brands. Plus, Cash App declines suspicious card transactions and notifies you to confirm authenticity. Add your card to your digital wallet and lock a lost or stolen car with just one tap in the app. New Cash App Customers can earn 10 bucks if they use code CASH APP10 in their profile at Sign up and send five buckaroos to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash Apps Bank Partners Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank Member FDIC Cash App Visa debit flex cards issued by Sutton Bank Member FDIC and the Bancorp Bank N.A. pursuant to a license from Visa USA Incorporated. See Terms and conditions for the sudden prepaid card, Sutton Debit Flex Card and Bancorp Debit Flex Card. Cash App Green features savings, direct deposit roundups, overdraft coverage and discounts provided by Cash App, a Block incorporated brand. Visit CashApp app legal podcast for full disclosures. You know, I've struggled with my eating over time. I'm a busy guy. I'm on the go. Imagine you had a long day and the hunger hit you. There's something healthy in your fridge that you should be making, but you just don't have it in you. If that sounds familiar, to you. You need to check out factor. With Factor, you get fully prepared meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs, delivered right to your door so you can hit your nutrition goals this season without the planning, grocery runs or cooking. And with over 100 rotating meals, including globally inspired flavors like Mediterranean and Asian, there's always something, something new to look forward to. Factor has really helped me. When I'm coming off the road, I want something quick. Times when I would have just ordered something, I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to reach for that delicious factor. I'm digging the honey butter chicken breast. They got that zucchini just right. And the Yukon mash. Oh, that's good, my friend. Head to FactorMeals.com Stavi50OFF and use code Stavi50OFF to get get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until September 27, 2026. See website for more details. Who fucking knows? Next question. Eldis. Uh oh. What the fuck? Holy. Oh my God, Jay. Can you believe it? It's time to. It's time to fucking keep it twisted. Twisted. It's the ass up question of the week brought to you by the little at Twisted teeth.

[Jake Johnson]

This is next level, man. This is next level.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it is.

[Jake Johnson]

Twisted has its own music for your ass.

[Stavi]

We, we created this.

[Jake Johnson]

Okay, okay.

[Caller Eldis]

We're.

[Jake Johnson]

We're keeping. And guess what? Just like the premise of the show, we stealing this tattoo, me and Gareth, and then it's Twist, but it's ours. Keep it twisted. Not like Stabby.

[Stavi]

Keep it twisted. Just different enough. What's the ass up question of the week? Eldest.

[Caller Eldis]

Okay, Stabby. So basically, here it is. I'm a transgender girl. I'm 32 years old. I'm two guys. I end up finding out that they're brothers and they're brothers that hate each other. And for a while now, I've been

[Stavi]

keeping the secret because modern Shakespeare.

[Jake Johnson]

Totally right.

[Stavi]

This is beautiful. Holy.

[Caller Eldest]

Totally right.

[Stavi]

You're in a love triangle with two brothers that are each other's rivals. This is awesome. All right. El this. And they're brothers that hate Twisted Question.

[Caller Eldis]

And for a while now I've been keeping the secret because I don't know, I think it's been kind of like, funny to like, both of the brothers separately and not tell them. But one of the brothers said that he wanted to try and settle down with me and be in a relationship. Relationship. I end up telling him that I'm his other brother. He acts like it doesn't matter until he comes and sees me. And after he nuts, he starts freaking out about me, his brother, and saying that he wants to like kill his brother and him up and like basically I find out they're completely estranged, don't talk anymore, and I'm afraid that he's gonna tell the other brother. But get this. Every time I Brother 1 literally days later, Brother 2 always finds his way over to me. So I'm these brothers back to back. Do I need to tell the second brother that I'm having sex with both of them or should I just let it be and let them find out on their own? Thanks, Davi.

[Stavi]

Keep it twisted. Honestly, you might be keeping a little too fucking twisted right now. You might be keeping it all. You're keeping it way too twisted. You got to keep it a little because here's the thing. Much like a twisted tea, which is 5% alcohol by volume, you're a pro. It's the. It's actually the perfect beverage where you keep it just twisted enough.

[Jake Johnson]

Then why aren't you drinking it? You don't want to keep it if you can't get it down. Keeping that twisted, it's.

[Stavi]

It's honestly so good. I love twisted teeth.

[Jake Johnson]

For real.

[Stavi]

So you're keep. So for example, like we said, beautiful 5%.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

This isn't. If this is a some kind of crazy 20% by volume Beverage where you're getting too twisted. You're sort of getting a little too twisted right now. I think. I think there's really no way completely estranged brothers who's who have a cosmic connection through hooking up with you and that they are. They are connected somehow.

[Jake Johnson]

Because once you have three days later the other one does.

[Stavi]

What are their birth charts? I think you. You, first of all, you might have some kind of magic to you. There might be something. You might have some type of powers and, and perhaps, you know, are your families connected in an ancient way, you know, or is there some kind of

[Jake Johnson]

keep making this twisted? I see you told her keep it twisted. Now you're talking about witchcraft.

[Stavi]

Are you? Are you some kind of talisman in their. For their family talking? I think.

[Jake Johnson]

Could sex with you bring them together?

[Stavi]

O yeah, you get I by some brothers.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? I would actually.

[Stavi]

Yeah, hit me with it.

[Jake Johnson]

Invite them both over on the same night for a three way. And here's why these are up brothers. It's a weird situation, right? They can't get over it. One weird threesome, it's either going to go very sideways, which is going to go that way anyhow.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Jake Johnson]

Going to happen while they're making direct eye contact with each other, where they're going to be like, you're my brother.

[Stavi]

I that there. That would be. If you want to get direct to the heart of it. That's how you got to go. But I'm really worried about. I think you kind of have to. What kind of estrangement is this?

[Jake Johnson]

Violence?

[Stavi]

What? Yeah, it seems pretty violent. Violent. What's up with them? It is interesting that they both, they both have completely similar tastes. That's very fascinating.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes. I think in a way what you're saying, Jake, is like already happening on some level. Their hate for each other is fueling them to go to her. And it could like one up each other, but you could compete through her. You could be connected through her. Like one guy, he one brother, she one brother. And then all of a sudden, three days later, the next guy comes calls, there's something there. Just stop beating around the bush and say, not only do you have to tell him, but say, maybe we do. Like a. One of you, me, the other one watches and the like you guys, whatever's going on. So you're, you're saying, I'm going to your witchcraft stuff.

[Stavi]

You're saying, let's turn into how twisted it is.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's lean in so that you guys can lean out.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Jake Johnson]

Like, let's have a night that's the weirdest night any of us have ever dealt with. And the end of it at 6am when we are all, all done, right? Completely look at each other and go like, I'm sorry we had a up childhood. This is really dad's fault. He always turned us against each other.

[Host/Announcer]

Man.

[Jake Johnson]

But I don't hate you. I hated how you treated me.

[Stavi]

Right? Right.

[Jake Johnson]

But you treated me that way because he treated you that way. And then go, we both love this lady.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Jake Johnson]

Let's just.

[Stavi]

Let's start a family.

[Jake Johnson]

Let's. Let's start an 80s sitcom. Yeah, just the three of us.

[Stavi]

This is so. That is so. Yes. Like when you skid into the ice, you're supposed to turn into it.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Maybe that's your. This is the turn into it solution. Now if you want to be a coward, I have to give you the less twisted advice and say, I think this is so powerful, whatever's going on here. I would just be like, this is like if you, if you find a million dollars in an alleyway, right? And you're like, oh, that's so. But it's like someone's gonna find it. You know, it's like, yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Twilight. It's more.

[Stavi]

It's more. Whatever happens there, someone's looking for it. Something.

[Jake Johnson]

You're entering a crazy world.

[Stavi]

You're entering this relationship that is very like it's fully estranged brothers.

[Jake Johnson]

Agreed.

[Stavi]

That happened to be the same girl at the same time. There is something so up and cosmic and powerful about that.

[Jake Johnson]

You know what? I would test going off of this. Yeah. Find somebody you know in your life who's got a brother they're not talking to.

[Caller Eldis]

Mm.

[Jake Johnson]

Fuck him. Then contact the brother somehow and see if he tries to fudge you. Oh, maybe because you might have the giant. Maybe she's to bring.

[Stavi]

She's like strange brothers to get men. This is. Oh, she's a really shitty X Men wherever. Once you fudge one brother, three days later another one tries to fuck you.

[Jake Johnson]

I was. He's like, yo, I was just in Guam. I don't know why I'm in Philly. And then he goes, can I buy you a beer? And you just go in the bar, you look at the camera and go like you can.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Because you might have the kind of giant that's bringing families together.

[Stavi]

We don't know where she's at in her transition.

[Jake Johnson]

That's true.

[Stavi]

What if they have a new type of vaginatic.

[Jake Johnson]

You're totally.

[Stavi]

And maybe she's got some kind of. Of like first gen magical, you know, reconstructed that does attract through the jeans attracts brothers together.

[Jake Johnson]

And if so that is such a valuable thing to have in life that I would then dedicate your life to doing this.

[Stavi]

Well, here's what you could do with it. Let's say some guy's brother's a. A prisoner of war.

[Jake Johnson]

I was just missing. I was. Or because

[Stavi]

some guy from V. Vietnam comes out of the woods. An 80 year old who went native.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, by the way. And he just comes out and it's like he can smell you. There's a knock on your door and you're like this.

[Stavi]

He's like.

[Jake Johnson]

He goes to you go, I think you're looking for Ronald.

[Caller Eldest]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

And he's there. What a superpower.

[Stavi]

So okay, check that a different guy and see if his brother you three days later just to do your scientific research.

[Jake Johnson]

You know, you could also do.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

You. This is sperm donors or anything like that. If you're. Or you were adopted and you never met your original family. Just anybody who was. And like I. I never met my birth parents.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right, right.

[Jake Johnson]

So this woman and see if some random guy goes by, then you're just.

[Stavi]

You're right. The worst case scenario, yeah, you got a nut off.

[Jake Johnson]

But you go like this and then try it with women. Be like, we scissored.

[Stavi]

And then figure it out.

[Jake Johnson]

See if sisters come, see if brothers come. But you could reunite families.

[Stavi]

True. We don't even know Vagus's brothers.

[Jake Johnson]

Try everything.

[Stavi]

Try everything. So. So scientifically try that. And then I. If I were you, if I'm. If I was this woman for real, I would just be like, I had my fun.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I want no parts of this. I think I would watch. I think this is like. It seems like there's some kind of. Of how did she even figure this out? Yeah, like, I guess they're similar last names, but I mean, I guess same last names, but it's just like. Or maybe they looked alike. I don't.

[Host/Announcer]

It's just.

[Stavi]

So this is another one where I have so many questions. Where'd you meet them? How did they. Whatever. And I think I would just enjoy. I would just get these guys off the roster. And if I. If I really wanted to settle down with one of. If the one that wanted to settle down, then I would just probably pick that one and just stay estranged. That's cool, you know, if they're so estranged. But at the end of the day though, you're kind of letting this bubble. This is just too. I would not want to deal with. All I'm saying is I wouldn't want to deal with this because the other thing is the very. There's a very. There's a very twisted ending to this. There is a. There's a murder suey.

[Jake Johnson]

It could get bad to this.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Like, who knows what the going be

[Jake Johnson]

safe on this one. It could get bad.

[Stavi]

What kind of estrangement like. And then also you know, so I don't know. I just.

[Jake Johnson]

Be careful.

[Stavi]

Waring. I'm think I don't know what kind of brothers these are, but I'm thinking like old world estranged brothers who will chop each other up with machetes because one took more olive groves. Their grandfather allowed them in his will. So I would just have enjoyed the brotherly kind and I would move on. But I would do the. The experiments we discussed because they do seem very rich. And you owe it to the world to know if.

[Jake Johnson]

So you're one in a billion.

[Stavi]

Absolutely. Well, that ought to do it for this week's up Question of the week, brought to you by Twisted D. And remember, folks, all always, always Keep it twisted. That's a great beverage. What else you got for us, little ld?

[Caller Eldis]

Hey, Stav.

[Caller Eldest]

Eldest blessed guest. So I'm. I'm a dad of a four year old, and my son's been going to the same preschool for a couple years. Years. We really like the school, but honestly, a couple of the cooler families left when we got into. When they got into public preschool. We have, like a lottery system here. So you get in, you save so much money. But we. We haven't yet, but a couple of the other families have. But, you know, we moved to where we live now from New York a few years back. And so, you know, it's been really nice to have some parent friends. The problem is that our son, his taste in friends doesn't always match the parents that we like.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Caller Eldest]

His best buddy recently is one of these kids. His parents, you know, we live in the south, so a lot of the kids are Christian, but his parents seem to be pretty evangelical. I mean, the kid himself, I mean, he's four. He's fine. He seems like a sweet kid, but. And, like, obviously them hanging out is. Whatever. It's fine. But this month is when a lot of kids are having birthday parties. And it's like every cricket weekend we're going to a birthday party. But anyway, like, our favorite parent friends who left the school last year, they're having their birthday party at the same time on the same day as my son's, like, best buddy of the month. And I mean, it is awkward enough that, like, he's old enough to have an opinion about where he would want to go and, like, which kids he'd want to hang out with. But it seems to change with, like, the weather. Who his best buddies are.

[Stavi]

This guy setting the groundwork to go against his child's wishes so that he can. Fudgeing. Yes.

[Jake Johnson]

Come on.

[Stavi]

Focaccia. With a guy he likes instead of fucking.

[Jake Johnson]

This is salad.

[Stavi]

With an evangelical family.

[Caller Eldest]

Yeah, like. And on top of that, he doesn't seem to, like, know what's happening every weekend, but come on, you know, I just. I don't think he would realize until after that we missed one of these parties. Parties. But I also feel like I would be a pretty black and white if

[Stavi]

I was like, you have no case

[Caller Eldest]

that we like more. Not the one that you like more. Also 4. So it feels weird to make him truly.

[Jake Johnson]

This is crazy. Twist. Do the Twisted song. This is twisted. This is more twisted than the other one. The other one is just a lady who's like, I Brothers. This is like my kids friends are actually my friends. And no.

[Stavi]

Oh, you know. Yeah. What are you talking about, dude? His best friend or a kid he doesn't go to school with anymore, but you like his parents more.

[Jake Johnson]

Stop it. This is the big issue I have with this era of parenting. And it's not everybody was just different than when I was growing up. Yeah. The parents think they're part of it.

[Host/Announcer]

Right, right.

[Jake Johnson]

They do. Like they'll be like, oh well, it's so much better when we get to do this. I'm like, when I was growing up, you got on a bike. My mom would have no idea.

[Stavi]

Yeah, of course.

[Jake Johnson]

I'd be like, I was friends with these three dudes. And then it would be like you'd go to the parents house and they'd be like, who are like on sitcoms. They used to do like the parent would go like, you're mine, you're mine. I've never seen you, you're mine. And then everyone gets fed.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Nowadays it's like, well, let's curate it and then we'll take family vacations with those we like and the kids will make it work. That's crazy. That's absolutely 100%. You go to the party and then guess what? Soon they're going to be drop off parties.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Make other friends. Make other.

[Stavi]

Hang out with those people when you want. You drop them off and you hang out with the dad. You're out.

[Jake Johnson]

If the dad wants to hang with you, reach out.

[Stavi]

Exactly. You can be friends with a guy and your kid can be friends with

[Jake Johnson]

a kid, but you can't. The only time that you're being invited is for a kid's party. You ain't friends, you're not friends with him.

[Stavi]

That's a good point. That's a good point.

[Jake Johnson]

They're going like this. I would love to hang out with Carl. Yeah. He invited my son.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caller Eldis]

Yeah.

[Jake Johnson]

Listen to what you're saying.

[Stavi]

Yes. Yeah, dude, you're even. Even him. Even him being like, wow. You know, he said he probably wouldn't even realize it until it's like, get. Are you fudgeing? Kidding? A four year old wouldn't realize he's hanging out with his best friend.

[Jake Johnson]

Contact the guy, say, we're going to this other party, let's hang out. And you know what he'll say? No,

[Stavi]

no, that's awesome.

[Jake Johnson]

Or he'll say, yes. But dude, this one is black and white.

[Stavi]

So clear.

[Jake Johnson]

Do not do this.

[Stavi]

It's like should a kid. Oh, should your son get to decide what beer you drink. Drink.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Because he likes the bottle more. It's like, no, man. He's got a friend. You should be his dad.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes.

[Stavi]

And it's like, yes, exactly. Try and hang out with the guy. And that is very funny. I would love to know if the guy does want to hang out with you outside of follow up. Let us know if the guy rejected you or if he's. Because probably what he'd do is string you along.

[Jake Johnson]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But, yeah, this is interesting. And thank you for bringing the parents.

[Jake Johnson]

Yes, that was clear. Stavi, I got to go.

[Stavi]

Yeah, of course.

[Jake Johnson]

No, Sorry.

[Stavi]

Absolutely. No. We were wrapping up anyway, so. That is going to do it for us, gang. Go watch the dink.

[Jake Johnson]

Thanks, man.

[Stavi]

I can't wait to see it go. I mean, you're fucking.

[Host/Announcer]

You got a lot of.

[Jake Johnson]

Oh, and I can't wait for your special man.

[Stavi]

Thanks.

[Jake Johnson]

Where are you doing it?

[Stavi]

Netflix.

[Jake Johnson]

And you're recording here now and we're doing.

[Stavi]

In Baltimore. It's going to come out. It's going to come out on Netflix in the fall. I think we're going to announce the date pretty soon.

[Caller Eldis]

We're.

[Stavi]

I think we got it locked in.

[Caller Eldis]

Fuck, yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I'm very excited. We're about to record. Record it. Please, Lord, don't let me break any more bones or have any fucking catastrophes happen to me. But, you know, hopefully it'll be. It'll be good. I can't wait. I've worked on it pretty hard, honestly. But yeah, go see our boy Jake in a. In a myriad of things he's got going on. And check out Slow horses. Bye, guys.

[Host/Announcer]

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[Caller Eldis]

Stop.

[Stavi]

This is Simplisafe.

[Jake Johnson]

Police are on the way.

[Host/Announcer]

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[Jake Johnson]

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[Stavi]

Visit simplisafe.com licenses for alarm license information. Tennessee 2012 hey, listeners. Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to SiriusXM Podcast plus on Apple Podcasts or visit siriusxm.com podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.