Bonus #102 - Live Call Show Vol. 18 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Summary

Podcast Summary: Stavvy's World – Bonus #102 - Live Call Show Vol. 18 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Release Date: November 17, 2024
Host: Stavros Halkias
Description: A podcast where you can hang out with your pal Stav. Every week, Stavros Halkias and his friends help listeners solve their problems. Want to be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV, leave a voicemail, and get some advice!

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1. Episode Overview

In this bonus episode of Stavvy's World, Stavros Halkias engages in a live call show, delving into a complex and sensitive situation presented by a listener. The discussion centers around friendship dynamics, sexual orientation, and the challenges of addressing hidden relationships within a close-knit group.

2. Listener's Dilemma

Timestamp [01:01]:
A listener joins the show, introducing himself and outlining the predicament he's facing:

Caller: "I got a couple buddies that I went to college with. We were all in the same fraternity and we also like kind of hang out because we all work in the same area."

The caller describes living arrangements where ten friends share housing, with two of them often staying overnight together. One friend is openly gay, while the other appears straight but exhibits homophobic behavior.

3. Uncovering Hidden Relationships

Timestamp [02:27]:
The caller explains that one of the roommates overheard an argument revealing underlying tensions:

Caller: "One of them is gay... The other one, we all met in college and he's seemingly straight, like kind of like Catholic guy, a little homophobic."

This revelation leads to suspicions that the ostensibly straight friend might be repressing his sexuality, causing friction within the group.

4. Addressing the Issue: To Confront or Not?

Timestamp [03:08]:
The discussion intensifies as the listener seeks advice on whether to confront the situation:

Caller: "Should I like, I even address this? Because I feel like if I kind of come at it, it's going to be, it might cause that explosion."

Stavros and his co-host explore the potential consequences of addressing the issue, weighing the importance of maintaining friendships against the risk of triggering conflict.

5. Exploring Group Dynamics and Possible Fallout

Timestamp [05:24]:
Further elaboration reveals that the couple has been covertly engaging for several months, leading to unease among the friend group:

Caller: "We've noticed it going on for probably like three or four months."

The co-host emphasizes that such prolonged secrecy often signifies a serious relationship dynamic:

Unknown Friend: "They are dating. They're fucking date. Especially when you're 22."

6. Navigating Personal Relationships and Emotional Availability

Timestamp [14:01]:
The conversation shifts towards the necessity of emotional availability within friendships:

Unknown Friend: "If these guys matter enough to you... you're just living a weird surface level friendship."

The advice centers on fostering open communication and being a supportive presence without directly accusing or confronting the friends involved.

7. Handling Potential Homophobia and Ensuring Safety

Timestamp [17:38]:
Concerns arise about the openly homophobic nature of one friend and the potential reactions if the issue is addressed:

Caller: "He himself is homophobic... So I'm a little worried if like I address it."

The hosts discuss the delicate balance between supporting a potentially closeted friend and managing relationships with someone exhibiting homophobic tendencies.

8. Recommended Approach: Supporting Without Confronting

Timestamp [19:32]:
Stavros suggests a nuanced approach to support the affected friend:

Unknown Friend: "The most extreme thing I would do is just make yourself available... if there's ever anything you want to talk about."

This strategy emphasizes creating a safe space for the friend to open up voluntarily, rather than forcing a confrontation that could escalate tensions.

9. Conclusion: Emphasizing Understanding and Patience

Timestamp [20:56]:
As the conversation wraps up, the hosts reiterate the importance of patience and understanding in such situations:

Unknown Friend: "It's potentially scary... it's somebody that you want to just be there for."

The episode concludes with the acknowledgment that navigating hidden relationships and potential homophobia requires sensitivity, empathy, and a supportive friendship framework.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• [03:22] Caller: "It's like, I don't really care obviously, like if two my homies are good for them, you know?"

• [08:04] Unknown Friend: "It's not just roommates. Like, it is, like, friends of ours from college."

• [11:21] Unknown Friend: "It's like, yeah, maybe in five years they're not best friends, but they're also right out of college."

• [16:10] Unknown Friend: "So disgusting... it is very strange."

• [19:47] Unknown Friend: "That's potentially scary and I totally understand that."

Key Takeaways

• Open Communication: Encouraging transparent conversations within friend groups can prevent misunderstandings and foster stronger relationships.

• Empathy and Support: Being emotionally available without judgment allows friends to feel safe in sharing their true selves.

• Navigating Homophobia: Addressing homophobic behavior delicately is crucial, especially when it involves close friends and potential hidden relationships.

• Maintaining Friendships: Balancing support for all friends involved ensures that relationships remain intact and respectful.

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Stavvy's World continues to provide a platform for listeners to seek advice and navigate personal challenges with the help of Stavros Halkias and his insightful co-hosts. This episode underscores the complexities of modern friendships and the importance of empathy in resolving interpersonal conflicts.

Transcript

[Unknown Comedian]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Caller]

All right, so I got a couple buddies that I went to college with. We were all in the same fraternity and we also like kind of hang out because we all work in the same area. Oh my gosh.

[Unknown Friend]

The fuck's going on back there?

[Caller]

My dogs are fighting.

[Unknown Friend]

This is awesome. I was like, what is that? Did somebody catch audio of me and Eldest fighting over a donut?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Mine.

[Unknown Friend]

Fuck you, Eldest.

[Caller]

All right, we should be good now.

[Unknown Friend]

All right.

[Caller]

All right. So we all kind of like live together in separate houses. There's like probably about 10 of us that all went in together and two of them that live in separate houses kind of spend the night together all the time.

[Unknown Friend]

Your friends?

[Caller]

Yeah. Okay, so one of them is gay. He's been like openly gay since we were in high school.

[Unknown Friend]

All right.

[Caller]

The other one, we all met in college and he's seemingly straight, like kind of like Catholic guy, a little homophobic.

[Unknown Friend]

Oh, a homophobic Catholic guy. One of the straightest guys you can be. A repressed Catholic who may or may not be overcompensating for something interesting. Okay, go on.

[Caller]

So we've one of the roommates heard, overheard like an argument, like basically him being like, I don't like you talking about your type and going on these Tinder dates. And then he proceeded to hear, like, fucking whoa. After this. So it's like, I don't really care obviously, like if two my homies are good for them, you know?

[Unknown Friend]

Sure.

[Caller]

You're getting some fucking in, but.

[Unknown Friend]

Well, that could really fuck up the friend group though. For real, right?

[Caller]

Yeah. And it's also like having that those like, weird arguments of, like, I don't like you going on these dates, but then at the same time being all secretive about it feels like very toxic and potentially explosive.

[Unknown Friend]

Yeah, for sure. No, what are you talking about? A religious guy who's hiding being gay could act out in a really fucked up way. I don't think so. Right. Yeah, go ahead.

[Caller]

So I'm. My kind of question is, should I like, I even address this? Because I feel like if I kind of like, come at it, it's going to be. It might cause that explosion. But I feel like. Or should I just, like, let it be like, oh, well, it's.

[Unknown Friend]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Happen regardless.

[Unknown Friend]

This is really interesting because. So you guys basically, what you. You guys graduated college and you all basically moved into, like, the same, like, you separately got apartments in the same.

[Caller]

Complex, and then there's like four of us in the other house and then everybody else, like, lives with their respective, like, partners.

[Unknown Friend]

Gotcha. So basically. Oh, so you're still kind of on route. You're still basically out of college. Fresh out of college, first place. You're basically still living like, college, but, you know, you're 21, 22, whatever.

[Caller]

Yeah, I'm 22. And okay, everybody else, same age.

[Unknown Friend]

So look, if these guys were secretly fucking on their own time, that's one thing, but to do that under the same roof. Like, if me eldest and two of our friends had a house together and the other two guys were sucking each other's cocks. Like, if they. Look, let's take the gay shit out of it. Let's be. Let's me and me eldest, me and you are living with two of our buddies and two of them are like, fucking smoking weed by themselves and ordering pizzas just to their rooms and hiding it from us, we'd be like, what the fuck, guys? We're all boys here. Why are you hiding? Like, why are you doing that shit? The fact that they're doing something like, as wild as, you know, and wild only because it's unexpected as fucking each other and expect us not to notice. Like, that's the thing that's almost insulting to your intelligence is like, guys, we lit. We share a bathroom. Like, I know you guys are each other. It's weird. It's just weird of you to not expect me to say anything. So is it. Are you roommates with the guys that are or are you in the other House.

[Caller]

So I am in the other house. So, like, all, like all this stuff that I've just heard from the other people. So one of them lives with me and then goes over to that house.

[Unknown Friend]

Right? Because you're all friends.

[Caller]

Spend the night. Yeah. So, like, if we were in high school, then, you know, having a sleepover wouldn't be weird. We're all in our early 20s.

[Unknown Friend]

They don't even live in the same house.

[Caller]

No, it's a different house. And then they'll go, like, spend the night together.

[Unknown Friend]

Are you guys walking, like, wait in his. Like, they sleep in the same bed?

[Caller]

Well, like, we.

[Unknown Friend]

It's.

[Caller]

They come out of the same room in the morning.

[Unknown Friend]

I mean, what the fuck?

[Caller]

That's.

[Unknown Friend]

But what I'm. Okay. No, what I'm asking then is like, it'd be crazy of them not to. To expect someone to comment on it. Like, it's not. They suck each. He sucks him off in the garage. And then you, like, overhear something. You're like, that's weird. They sleep in the same. He goes like, all right, see you, boy. You're all watching ostensibly television. Your friends. And then they're like, all right, time for bed. And they go into the gay guy's room and they overhear passionate arguments. I mean, it's kind of weird not to expect someone to say, like, again, imagine if. If it was just a girl. You would. You know what I mean? It would be way more open. So I don't. I mean, you could add. I mean, this is crazy.

[Caller]

They're, like, secretive about it, I guess. Like, one night we were all over there smoking, watching Sunday Night Football, and we were at the straight guy's house. So that's the other house. The gay guy lives with me. So we're all over there, okay. And he's like, all right, guys, I want to go ahead and head. Go to bed. Like, all right, dude, good night. Whatever. And then my roommate's like, hey, I'm going to.

[Unknown Friend]

Awesome.

[Caller]

I'm just going to go on home.

[Unknown Friend]

I'm going home. And nobody.

[Caller]

And nobody look at the back. The door, and it snuck back in, like, and went up. We all, like. We all noticed it, but he's trying to be sneaky about it.

[Unknown Friend]

Interesting. You see him. You see. You're like. He's like, all right, guys, I'm going to bed. And then you see your. Your. The other guy from upstairs throw down, like, eight sheets knotted together. He fucking climbs up. He climbs down like Rapunzel and his ass in the shed. And then Goes back.

Hold on, hold on.

Yeah. This is insane. This is crazy.

How. How old are you guys?

22.

20.

[Caller]

22. Like 23 to 21. That range.

[Unknown Friend]

And these people. Would you, like, call them your friends? Are you just, like, roommates?

[Caller]

I would call them my friends. Like, all of us are, like, pretty close. We all were in the same fraternity together, so, like, as close as that is, right?

[Unknown Friend]

Yeah, I guess it's close.

They're friends, dude. It's not just roommates. Like, it is, like, friends of ours from college.

[Caller]

The mysterious I'm living with are going to be like, my best men when I eventually get married. Like, that kind of thing, right?

[Unknown Friend]

Sure.

And definitely that's what you think now you're 22. But that's. That's another thing. That's another. That's a whole other discussion. But, um, this is crazy that they're trying to sneak around and, like. Because I, you know, we all had that college friend group, and I can tell you if someone. If two guys from my friend group were fucking each other, I am talking about it. I am like, what the fuck is going on, fellas? Like, now that's easier said than done. I don't.

I don't even know, though.

[Caller]

I think of the broach coming to them about it, if that makes sense. Like, I think you start with a gay one.

[Unknown Friend]

I think you start with an open. I'm sorry, openly gay one.

I'm trying. I'm trying to. I'm trying to think of this, like, okay, if I was in college, let's say. Let's say a buddy from the college radio station or something, where it's. It's kind of like a frat or whatever.

I guess you're right. This isn't too. It's. It's hard to say two of our friends because everyone is straight, but, like, you would need one gay guy in the mix as well.

Let's say a couple people. Let's say I was living with, like, a guy from the radio station, and they have, like. They just do, like, gay with some other guy from the radio station. I know both of them definitely consider them my friends. Is this something that I would even feel compelled to comment on? Or it's like.

It's like, if it was random, if it was like, look, who knows? They hooked up some A1 off or something. You're like, you know what? That's fine. Honestly. You'd be like, this is too weird to get in the mix of. It's a little. It might just be experimentation. It Might mean nothing. Whatever. I'm just going to take a pass on my ostensibly stray friend fucking my gay friend. Right. Just gonna take a pass. It's the. Essentially, it sounds like they're dating more or less. That. That at some point becomes a topic of conversation. Just if your friend had a girl over six nights in a row, even if he was being sneaky about it, he'd be like, hey, who was that? That was over here?

How openly are they, like, going to bed together? Going to like the guy's room?

He says they're not. He says they're sneaking around.

[Caller]

They're trying to be sneaky about it. They're not, like, they're not successful because the whole rest of the friend group has noticed. And we're all talking about it being like, yeah, I don't, I don't know. Like, it's weird.

[Unknown Friend]

Like, I'm trying to wrap my mind around this because, like, yeah, it's like, it's like you, you, you would, you would think, like, how the. Could you not say something? But I could totally see being like, you're friends with them, but you, like, only know them through college.

It's like they live together. It's not. They. They're friends, dude. They're boys. It's like, it's like me and, you know all the guys I like fucking. The mysterious D. The mysterious G. You know what I mean? Like, all the guys that I fucking lived with right in that house. Right post. It's like that level of friend.

Yeah.

That it's like, yeah, maybe in five years they're not best friends, but they're also right out of college. Like, to them, these are the strongest bonds known to man. You know what I mean? Like, so just for now, it is really. There's. It's a very strong friendship. And I, I am of the belief that it's not even the gay element, the gay angle here. Right. It. That's obviously a huge thing because again, I think if this is a one off or you heard a rumor of like one guy getting sucked off by another guy at a party, you'd be like, I'm just gonna let that slide. I don't wanna open up that Pandora's box that's kind of fucking that reshifts everything. It's the just. It's like, guys, I'm not gonna. This isn't the 70s. I'm not gonna sit here and turn to. Don't ask, don't tell blind eye to you guys being gay. I don't even care that you're gay. Right? Like, right. It's weirder. If my roommate, my good friend was pretending they weren't dating a woman and every morning I caught some in a like sneak out of my house and every night I caught her climbing, climbing up the back stairs to suck his dick. Like, yeah, I would just be like, hey man, what the fuck is going on? Or if any roommate. Truly to me this is weirder as a roommate than it is as like a friend asking about whether my friend is gay. You know what I mean? Like, so I don't know how long, about how long has this been happening?

[Caller]

We've noticed it going on for probably like three or four months.

[Unknown Friend]

Months? Three or four fucking months. I mean, what the fuck?

[Caller]

Like not like sporadically, like pretty consistently. Like I agree with you, it feels like that pretty much dating point.

[Unknown Friend]

They are dating. They're fucking date. Especially when you're 22. Three months, four months of doing this is dating. So look, your options are basically ride this out. You know what I mean? Like ride it out for. But I guess I. Okay, you know what this really comes down to. There's no way to maintain a real friendship if like, do these people matter enough to you to possibly make this situation a little weirder than it is and be like, hey, hey man, like anything you want to say to me, like, I'm open here. Because like otherwise you're living a fake friendship with them. Yeah, like you're just like living a weird surface level friendship. Maybe that's all you want. I don't know. But if they are very important to you, I don't know, you would say something. It's just very strange.

That's the thing you said earlier, like these are the strongest bonds. They feel as like 22 year old frat mates, like fresh out of college. This is the kind of shit where the chinks in the armor really start showing and you're like, maybe I don't.

Need these guys around. I don't want to potentially cause a hate crime, Catholic, guilt fueled lovers murder, suicide. Because I'm like, hey man, can you guys keep it down while you fuck each other in the ass while I watch football? I don't want to. You know what I mean? Like, you're right.

Eldest, they got some whole other shit going and it's like, I don't know, this is just, this is just the beginning of shedding your college boys or something. If, if, yeah, if, if like they can't even bring themselves to be open about it. And you know, none of you guys can be like, even bothered to be like, hey, dude, what is going on? I don't care. But are you guys like each other?

Like, right, right. Well, I guess that's what I mean is like, you're right. That's what this comes. We had to bat it around a couple ways, but what it comes down to is, are these good people going to be in your life? Because if they are, you can't live in this fake delusional world where everyone's straight and no one's spending the night four times, four times a week for four months or whatever. Like. Yeah, I don't know, man. It's like, I guess I would ask you. That is like, if you don't bring this up, what, like, like, don't you guys talk about, hey, man, like, at that age. All I talked about with my 20, all we talked about when we were 22 is, how are we gonna get some. That's all we cared about. Our whole lives revolved around dating and what's going on and going out to bars.

We were so close, though. And there's certain sex. There's certain sex things that go down when you're in college and that young. That's like almost like. It's like when you face it and you've never seen anything like it before. Almost is like a sexual trauma or something where you can, like, freeze up and like, don't even know how to, like, address it or something.

Yeah, that's true.

Not. And you know, not saying like, two gay guys fucking is traumatic, but this is the kind of thing.

So disgusting.

But this is the kind of thing where it's like, so mysterious, like you don't even.

It is very strange.

Know how to like, react. You've never seen anything like, quite like it before. And yeah, that could be a lot for. At like 22 to discuss.

And for either side, I will say, even if it was a straight relationship within a friend group, shit like this happens where people try and keep things like this secret. Right? And when you add the element of the one guy is clearly not comfortable with his sexuality, I. It is a powder keg. And so, yeah, dude, I guess back. Sorry, me and Elders had to just talk amongst ourselves for 10 minutes to address you again. Yeah, I guess. I guess the question that I would have for you is like, do you feel any need to address this? Like, what do you see going on with these people if you do address it? What do you see if you don't address it? Because to me, if you don't Address it. It's all good. It's just you're basically admitting you have a very surface level relationship with these people. But if you do address it, you're basically saying like, hey, I want to be there for you guys and whatever. You know, we're friends, you can open up to me. I don't care either way. I just don't want you to feel like you need to sneak around or whatever. And as long as that's also the consensus of everybody. Right. Because if you, if you have somebody who's weird being like, you know, which I doesn't sound like you. It doesn't sound like you have anybody homophobic or anything in the crew, but who knows? Yeah, maybe not.

[Caller]

Yeah, I mean him himself is homophobic. Like outwardly like behavior my Instagram like that kind of guy.

[Unknown Friend]

Oh, no, I see.

[Caller]

Yeah. So I'm a little worried if like I address it. Yeah. He realizes that everybody knows it becomes an issue.

[Unknown Friend]

Yeah. I guess you have to be that personal thing. I see what you mean.

Do you, do you and all the other crew like, you guys just discuss this openly, right?

[Caller]

Yeah, oh yeah, we're just talking.

[Unknown Friend]

I mean, imagine that's the only thing they talk to each other about. Dude, are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying, dude, that that is an issue if this guy is legitimately like. And you are like him acting out in a violent way isn't off the table is what it sounds like. And that, that is scary and I totally understand that.

That's the thing too. This is like, this isn't like trying to get your friend to open up because they're trying to hide something. This is, in a way it's like accusing an acquaintance of being gay or like really wanting to out and the curtains, that's clearly not like comfortable with. Like that's a good sexual.

That's a good point. I guess you're right. I guess the most extreme thing I would do is just make yourself available in a roundabout way of being like, hey man, if there's ever anything you.

Want to talk about, hey, Billy's pretty cool, huh?

Yeah, like, oh man, he's so sick that even me, a red blooded heterosexual, if I happen to do some gay shit with him, it wouldn't me off. You know, just make it give him an easy landing spot. Hell, he's such a good guy, people would even understand and not even judge you for it. Theoretically speaking, of course.

[Caller]

Yeah, I guess, I guess the, the easiest way is just to like maybe go to the Guy who is openly gay, right?

[Unknown Friend]

Yeah.

[Caller]

And just like feel the vibes, I think.

[Unknown Friend]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caller]

Like, like how, how do you feel about this? Because everybody else knows kind of thing, right?

[Unknown Friend]

Yeah. Because honestly, I mean, at the very.

Least, you probably can go to the gay dude and. Because I know, I feel like, I mean, gay guys just know what's up a little more. And it's like, hey, you're not dumb. You know, we all know you guys are fucking, right? I don't know why the other guy.

Is so delusional in so many ways that he might be. Has legitimately convinced himself.

Right.

I mean, he sounds like the kind of guy who's dumb enough to post about like, groomers. So he's probably not smart. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's probably fucking stupid. You know what I mean?

[Caller]

Like, he tells me probably once a day that Kamala and Diddy are friends. So that's a daily talk.

[Unknown Friend]

Yeah. It sounds like he's the one ordering the baby oil.

I mean, does that sound right to you? Like, you know, would you feel comfortable approaching the gay dude and just trying.

[Caller]

Oh, yeah.

[Unknown Friend]

Just trying to level.

I think that because also, you know, not to be.

Need to have like a family house meeting.

House meeting. We know you're gay. We know you're game. We're going to tell your dad if you don't start paying more rent. But yeah, dude. Yeah, I think after. This is very fascinating, this is very interesting, but I think we've, we've basically come down to make yourself emotionally available to the friend who is, you know, the one who's openly gay and be like, hey, man, if you ever want to talk about anything here for you kind of thing. You know what I mean? And don't even be explicit with him because maybe it sounds like this could, you know, you are legitimately worried. But also if you're worried about your gay, your friend because it sounds like he's the one who might be in. This could turn out to be a weird, fucked up relationship. Right? If this, if the of the, you know, quote, air quote, straight guy feels like he has to prove he's straight, that is worse for real. Like, not the. We've made light of it a cup, but it's like that's kind of. That's potentially scary. So like, it is like somebody that you want to. You just. I think it's smart to just be like to your gay friend, like, hey, man, what's up, dog? You need, you know, and who knows? Hopefully, hopefully this is a happy ending and in three years they have, you know, Korean children and you guys, you guys, you guys are fucking, you know, you're visiting their farm or whatever and it's all real nice. But yeah, dude, I think that's what it comes down to. But boy, this is something that we could kick around for a while. We have, we just have to move on because we have other people. But I could talk about this for all the whole episode.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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