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Ryan Seacrest
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Stavros Halkias
Hey Stavy baby. Hopefully you and Elvis and your guests can give me a little help on this one.
Chris Distefano
That's what we're here for.
Stavros Halkias
So one of my best friends, we. We don't really get to see each other too much anymore. He's got four kids and, you know, some of them are pretty young, so I understand. We don't get to hang out a lot. Basically the only time we do hang out is playing video games and, you know, hanging out on Discord. Well, this last weekend, he casually mentioned that he has never had a blowjob. And he thought that was totally normal.
Sal Vulcano
Not having an asshole is more normal.
Chris Distefano
Way more normal.
Sal Vulcano
Way.
Chris Distefano
Not even close.
Sal Vulcano
Not even the same.
Chris Distefano
Not even close.
Giannis Papas
Finger is ass.
Sal Vulcano
Should I blow my friend?
Chris Distefano
Is that what I said at that time?
Giannis Papas
They did.
Sal Vulcano
No.
Stavros Halkias
Oh, how do I bring this topic up again and convince him that's not normal and yet he shouldn't accept life like this.
Chris Distefano
Yeah.
Stavros Halkias
You and your guests can give me a little pointer on here because I don't think anyone should go through life like that.
Sal Vulcano
Absolutely. How do we all become his friend?
Chris Distefano
He's a good guy.
Sal Vulcano
This guy's.
Giannis Papas
This guy's married. His buddy's married. His buddy married.
Sal Vulcano
Yeah. And this guy's like, what the. Nobody's blowing my friend.
Chris Distefano
I mean, look, this is absolutely.
Sal Vulcano
I love this.
Giannis Papas
If I was. If he was a real pal. Real pal. Real hero head. No headphone.
Sal Vulcano
Off.
Giannis Papas
When they're playing video games, tell them to turn on the tv, make the announcement, and then when the wife's in the room, say, suck them off. Suck them off. Suck them off.
Sal Vulcano
Through Call of Duty.
Giannis Papas
Correct.
Sal Vulcano
You're telling me TV is. Fortnite's playing, and then she just. She's walking through doing her stuff, and then she hears, suck him. Suck his cocky, like, killer headshots. Heard about blow. She hasn't. Suck him, you selfish pig. I love this guy. This guy might be one of the only Friends left in America.
Chris Distefano
Okay.
Sal Vulcano
He's great.
Chris Distefano
Absolutely. This is insane, right?
Sal Vulcano
It's way. It's way less common than not having an this. Nobody has an anymore. No. Why would anybody have an says? Alex, Just gonna take it out. Whatever you want. Everybody's been blown. Who hasn't been blown? Yeah, this is nuts. So I'm assuming this is his. The lady he's with. That's the only woman he's ever been with.
Chris Distefano
That has to be it.
Sal Vulcano
And she's never blown him. And. And that's a tough ask after four kids.
Chris Distefano
That's what I was just gonna say. So, like, as much as I feel for this guy, right, this woman figured out a way. She's living a nice, calm, idyllic life.
Sal Vulcano
Craft. Right. Crafty.
Chris Distefano
Never sucked. She clearly has no desire to suck dick. Not my kind of lady, I'll tell you that much.
Sal Vulcano
Now we got you on a.
Chris Distefano
See, you don't need an asshole, but.
Sal Vulcano
You need a lady with a mouth.
Chris Distefano
Without question.
Sal Vulcano
I need both, personally. Yeah, yeah. You guys, I'm just a man. I pay tax.
Chris Distefano
I respect that.
Sal Vulcano
Now this.
Chris Distefano
And again, her behavior is not something I can accept ever. But.
Sal Vulcano
Yeah. What?
Chris Distefano
This guy's trying to do this. Basically, this woman is like. She's basically a mobster who's been living quietly under witness protection. And this guy is Tony Soprano, dropping his wife, dropping his daughter off. And then he's like. He's like, she's never blown my friend. And she's. And it's like, look, I. I don't agree with her philosophically, but he's trying to completely her life up.
Sal Vulcano
Absolutely.
Chris Distefano
He's trying to get her. And look. And I think she should suck her.
Giannis Papas
This young lady, though, for. For going this long.
Sal Vulcano
I don't know.
Giannis Papas
I wouldn't say she doesn't want to do it.
Sal Vulcano
She's not doing it in her own life. Yes, but. I mean, how'd you even have four kids? What are you guys doing? You just walk into the room? Because you just walk straight in and. And do it.
Giannis Papas
Don't let me.
Chris Distefano
Jerking.
Giannis Papas
Don't let me be the science guy.
Sal Vulcano
There might not be that much of a jerk, either one of these.
Chris Distefano
You never know.
Sal Vulcano
Maybe.
Chris Distefano
Maybe she's jerk master. She's a jerk master.
Sal Vulcano
Wet hand. Beyond wet. It feels like a mouth.
Chris Distefano
Maybe she has some kind of, you know, dental issues. Who knows?
Sal Vulcano
Maybe she had her tongue removed.
Chris Distefano
Yeah, but even then, it'd be like. You'd think one.
Sal Vulcano
Never. I know.
Giannis Papas
Not one at this point, but every woman. This man has been with then has.
Sal Vulcano
Never saw the only woman he's ever been.
Giannis Papas
Yes, I would imagine. Yes.
Sal Vulcano
Because you can't. There's nothing. There's a lot. Look, people like to say. Women people don't like sucking dick. Grow up.
Chris Distefano
Absolutely.
Sal Vulcano
And there's also.
Giannis Papas
Do we know how many this woman has?
Sal Vulcano
Just one or two? Four.
Giannis Papas
Four.
Sal Vulcano
Okay. They're called her kids. Kidding.
Chris Distefano
Get. Get those children.
Sal Vulcano
This, this lady. You'd only have to blow him one time. This guy is so ready to come if you put your mouth near his bag.
Chris Distefano
Well, she's also horrible.
Sal Vulcano
He doesn't know that. He has no idea.
Chris Distefano
He'll know.
Sal Vulcano
He will know, but he's still going to come. And then he's not going to ask again.
Chris Distefano
Some bad head is pretty bad.
Sal Vulcano
You think it might ruin their marriage, but the only thing keeping them together right now is his dick out of her mouth.
Chris Distefano
I will say this could very much destabilize this marriage.
Sal Vulcano
Well, this guy's coming in hard. The friend is fucking. He. He's kicking in the Thanksgiving dinner door.
Chris Distefano
Yeah.
Sal Vulcano
With two turkeys. And he's like suck him already for fuck.
Chris Distefano
I'm actually this again, to use another analogy. This does feel like. Look, should. Has Saddam Hussein been in charge of Iraq? No. Right. He's a bad guy who did bad things. But you topple him and the whole region is chaos.
Giannis Papas
Yeah.
Sal Vulcano
You know what I mean?
Giannis Papas
Off once you're making this a dangerous environment.
Chris Distefano
Crazy.
Giannis Papas
Yeah. Yeah.
Sal Vulcano
The whole wouldn't become addicted and be like every day.
Chris Distefano
Yeah.
Giannis Papas
The whole house.
Chris Distefano
Maybe this is just. This is a situation built. Built on. Built in a context I can't. I couldn't possibly live in. But it might. I don't know.
Sal Vulcano
Maybe this woman is so smart that she understands that if she blows this guy once, he'll become like. It's like his Mr. Hyde and he'll fucking run through the house to save her family.
Giannis Papas
They may be.
Chris Distefano
It's crazy cuz like this guy's trying to be America and install democracy and fuck everybody's life up. I agree philosophically I think everyone should be getting blown and sucking dick.
Giannis Papas
But I would say his intentions are good. This man right here.
Chris Distefano
His intentions are good.
Sal Vulcano
Wait a bit. Wait.
Giannis Papas
Let the kids go to school.
Sal Vulcano
How did we turn back around on this guy? This guy's the only.
Giannis Papas
No, he's a great guy. He's a great guy. It's the timing. Wait till the kids are out of the house.
Sal Vulcano
This guy's way to go. Another 20 years he might have to no, that's come back around. Dude. What about the family? The family. You got to get sucked sometimes.
Chris Distefano
It's about what.
Sal Vulcano
Christ.
Chris Distefano
It's about what's. We're having two different discussions here. What's right and what's practical. Right. Because what's right is sucking dick and.
Sal Vulcano
How it's going to take. It's going to take seconds. This guy's going to come harder than he's ever came before.
Chris Distefano
Just introducing incredible chaos to this wedding, this union.
Sal Vulcano
I don't know. It might not be. Maybe, maybe she loves it.
Chris Distefano
She doesn't love.
Sal Vulcano
Clearly. Clearly. No, she's not. She's not. No, no, no, she's definitely not.
Chris Distefano
So I don't know if, if someone were to tell me this, I don't know how I would respond because also it's like, here's the other thing.
Sal Vulcano
Oh, yeah, you know his wife. Normal. Yeah.
Chris Distefano
You know his wife. Is that surprising to you? I bet you. I bet you I could.
Sal Vulcano
If Big, big slippers.
Chris Distefano
You could tell if someone's never sucked.
Sal Vulcano
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can. You can.
Chris Distefano
They're not fun. They're not a cool person.
Sal Vulcano
Those big, those big Homer Simpson slippers. You just put your foot in the mouth.
Chris Distefano
Even, even, even, just energetically. She sucks.
Sal Vulcano
She goes like this.
Chris Distefano
There's no, there's no way you're good, a good person if you don't. You've never sucked dick in your life. Yeah, you got as a woman, I suppose as a straight woman or a gay man.
Giannis Papas
We don't know if she hasn't sucked dick, though. We don't know.
Chris Distefano
That's even more sinister. That's even more sinister.
Sal Vulcano
That's crazy.
Giannis Papas
We just know this guy hasn't ever gotten his dick sucked. And we think he's the only.
Sal Vulcano
I wonder how old he is. He's blown every guy she's ever been with. Maybe that's what it is the other guys ruined it for. Because they did. Maybe they did that thing where they're like. She's like, tell me when you're going to come. And they didn't. And she goes, I'm not doing this anymore.
Chris Distefano
Still, man, it's a deep story. This is love. This is the, the man who ra. Who gave you four children. You're not going to suck his.
Sal Vulcano
I, I would like. I'm not kidding. I'd watch an eight part Netflix documentary about. I'm not kidding about this whole ordeal. I want to know how they made the kids without any foreplay. I want to know this other guy who's like, buddy, he loves his friend. He's like, he can't knock my friend.
Giannis Papas
Those might be weird kids, eh?
Chris Distefano
Non born of. No, there was no. No, I was a fucking test tube baby.
Sal Vulcano
Were you?
Chris Distefano
Yeah, you were. So there was no so you know what I mean.
Sal Vulcano
Well, you don't know that. We don't. That went into the tube wasn't sucked out.
Chris Distefano
I'm pretty sure it wasn't. I'm pretty sure it wasn't, you know.
Sal Vulcano
Dude, you don't know that for a fact. There's some of these.
Chris Distefano
I guess I can ask my parents.
Sal Vulcano
Yeah, there's some sperm donor clinics that have a woman there, man.
Chris Distefano
There. I'm.
Giannis Papas
That's one wing of the hospital.
Chris Distefano
I'm pretty certain I wasn't sucked out.
Giannis Papas
Of my dad's stitching. That's where they put all my mom.
Chris Distefano
I'm pretty certain my. I wasn't sucked out of my dad's dick and then implanted into my mom.
Sal Vulcano
Well, shoved in, you know, hop to a dick.
Chris Distefano
It's interesting. I guess it's funny to think that in theory somebody could have sucked my. Not even my mom like a nurse sucked my dad's dick and then put me in a test tube and then.
Sal Vulcano
Or just drip.
Chris Distefano
Like a bird.
Sal Vulcano
Just drip the cum into her like upside down.
Chris Distefano
The doctor. It's a guy. It's like the most square guy with glasses and a tie, and he's sucking my dad's dick. And then he's like, while my mom's in stirrups.
Giannis Papas
Suck this come out of.
Sal Vulcano
My and stitch up my asshole. We got a tough. We got a tough day at the surgery room today, buddy.
Chris Distefano
Oh, man.
Sal Vulcano
One of these suck another dick and then dribble the c. Jesus Christ. How many times this week?
Giannis Papas
Yeah, baby bird that come right me.
Sal Vulcano
This guy again, his friend. You got to let him know that it's not normal. I think you got to let him know. Well, maybe you're right. Man 4 who gives a. I don't know. This guy's gone this long, he thinks it's normal. I don't know how he's even gone this far.
Giannis Papas
Tell you the truth, denying.
Sal Vulcano
How the have we gotten this far? You don't know that. It's okay. I don't want to attack him.
Chris Distefano
I don't know what to do in denial. He.
Giannis Papas
He.
Chris Distefano
And no one is more pro getting your dick sucked than me, but this is really tough. I. I just keep. I keep thinking of more destructive analogies, but like, you know how they say there's there's like. There's like cavemen, diseases in the permafrost. And you thaw that out and who know, like, you let this guy know how much he wants head.
Sal Vulcano
Yeah. He might be a big problem.
Giannis Papas
Out of the house.
Sal Vulcano
20 years. This guy's gonna go 20 years.
Giannis Papas
We don't know how old the kids are.
Chris Distefano
I mean, look, you can bring it up again.
Sal Vulcano
I know he said they're pretty young.
Giannis Papas
Then it's gonna be 20 years.
Sal Vulcano
This guy's got to sit there and wait. Just drop.
Giannis Papas
Let him know it's not normal on the hat.
Sal Vulcano
He's starting a Truman show it, though. And he's asking questions.
Chris Distefano
Yeah.
Sal Vulcano
He's at the beach being like, there's more out there. His friends are like, just try the NW root beer. He's getting antsy. The guy wants his dick wet.
Chris Distefano
Yeah.
Sal Vulcano
Right now it's covered in crumbs.
Chris Distefano
Let's give the lady a benefit of doubt. What if she just has great. Possible.
Giannis Papas
That's no benefit. We can't do that.
Sal Vulcano
He's bringing it up in a way that's. That's not saying this.
Giannis Papas
Yeah, I agree.
Sal Vulcano
I don't think that as a man who's been blown hard. Yeah, there's no. It's a different thing. They're two different fucking situations.
Chris Distefano
It's true. But I. Again, I also, I will say this. I do know the same way. I know guys who have no interest in asshole. These are freaks. But I know guys who don't really want to like, don't like getting blown compared to having sex.
Sal Vulcano
That's.
Chris Distefano
That's out there. Yeah.
Giannis Papas
But you know the same.
Sal Vulcano
They're not gonna turn it. They're not gonna be like, don't suck me, just ride me.
Chris Distefano
You know what? I know people like that don't suck. And especially when they get into relationships.
Giannis Papas
They'Ve had their dicks.
Sal Vulcano
All these guys that are like, she's my queen now. She doesn't suck.
Chris Distefano
No, not even that. That's crazy.
Sal Vulcano
But you know what I mean. No, no.
Chris Distefano
I mean. No, no. I just mean a guy who mechanically prefers the feeling of. On his dick.
Giannis Papas
That's different than never getting.
Chris Distefano
By the way, this. The woman before had a serious medical issue and we.
Sal Vulcano
This is the most robust debate we've ever had on this show.
Chris Distefano
We dealt with it. We are seriously, for about 90 seconds. We made fun of her for 15 minutes. Actually dealt with it for this week. We are locked in and having serious philosophical questions on are we thinking about his children?
Giannis Papas
We're Thinking about you compared it to the Middle East, Gulf War.
Sal Vulcano
You brought up Sab Hussein. He didn't even laugh. You said head is going to destabilize the environment.
Giannis Papas
I couldn't think of a better analogy, honestly.
Sal Vulcano
If he gets blown once, his kids might have to find different places. He might be down at the track just buying hookers. You don't know.
Chris Distefano
Yeah, dude, I would say tread very lightly. This is a. This is a very, I'm thinking, situation.
Sal Vulcano
You keep it deeper. This guy, though, that wrote this email, he's ready to bust.
Chris Distefano
Well, that's what I'm saying.
Sal Vulcano
Ready to go.
Chris Distefano
The thing is, that's what I would. That's to bring it back to the question here. He. You have to take yourself out of it. Right? He is so. He's on a crusade.
Sal Vulcano
He's angry. His last is incredible.
Chris Distefano
He's on a crusade.
Sal Vulcano
I don't think anybody should have to live like this. And you fucking.
Chris Distefano
And I would tell our caller, this isn't you. You're not the one not getting sucked. Okay? This is working for him. If the rest of his life is good, bring it back. A bit scared, but he's scared to put this into the fucking.
Giannis Papas
But if this guy has great intentions, but he does have to just slow play this.
Sal Vulcano
Because if he's not getting sucked, none of us are getting sucked.
Chris Distefano
That's how he feels.
Sal Vulcano
You got to bring the entire country along or people get left behind. He's a no dick left behind.
Chris Distefano
I kind of.
Sal Vulcano
I agree with you.
Chris Distefano
Here's the thing. All I get a guy. You what I would say for you.
Giannis Papas
On the offensive line, this guy's a good kid.
Chris Distefano
Sure, he's a good guy. But I'm going to say back, I'm going to say you're going to have to slow play this probably. You're going to have to listen.
Sal Vulcano
You go to the wife, you're saying, no, no, no. You go up to the wife every once in a while at like a fun. There's no way you can look at it in your. Do this with your mouth.
Chris Distefano
Yeah, yeah. Hey, guys, I got popsicles for us. Yeah, let's all eat these popsicles.
Giannis Papas
One point, though. This woman, let's have a who can.
Chris Distefano
Eat the banana and less bites competition. She fudgeing, does 12 bites.
Sal Vulcano
Does everybody in the. A gag reflex or just me start testing it.
Chris Distefano
So, okay, to wrap this up. To wrap this up. We could go all day.
Sal Vulcano
There's another hour on this, for sure.
Chris Distefano
As a good friend, you're going to have to make yourself. Just make yourself.
Giannis Papas
Great friend.
Chris Distefano
As a great friend, make yourself. You can't be. But you don't. Don't do any unilateral moves here. Don't do anything crazy. You have to be there as a support structure. Don't force the issue. Be there as a. If it ever comes up again, be like, that's. That's kind of weird. You're okay with that? It just kind of like, be there as a. As a place for him to vent. Guide him as it comes up naturally. But you do not. Do not shake the foundation of this strange setup. Go ahead, Nathan.
Sal Vulcano
This completely different opinion. This man's got to go. You got to go straight to the source. You got to walk right up to the wife alone and go, the. Your problem, my friend, has had a dick this whole time. And you're telling me right now you've never sucked it? You got a girl.
Giannis Papas
Is he the only guy that knows? Or do other friends know? Because if he's the only guy that knows, let it be other people know. Anonymous letter. Slide it under the door.
Chris Distefano
You want the Jersey Shore. The Jersey Shore, Season one. Dear Sammy.
Giannis Papas
Slide it up and backpedal away in different cursive Zodiac killer sock.
Chris Distefano
All right, so look. Those are three very interesting perspectives on the matter. Select your own.
Ryan Seacrest
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Sal Vulcano
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Stavvy's World: Bonus #111 - Nathan Macintosh and Alex Pavone [Patreon Preview]
Release Date: January 17, 2025
Overview
In this bonus episode of "Stavvy's World," host Stavros Halkias engages in a candid and humorous discussion with his friends Chris Distefano, Sal Vulcano, and Giannis Papas. The conversation centers around a personal dilemma Stavros faces concerning a close friend who has never experienced oral sex, believing it to be normal. The episode delves into societal norms, personal relationships, and the challenges of addressing sensitive topics among friends.
1. Introduction to the Problem
Stavros Halkias opens the episode seeking advice from his friends about a sensitive issue involving his best friend.
He explains that his friend, who has four children and limited free time, recently confided that he has never had a blowjob and assumed it was typical.
2. Initial Reactions and Humor
The friends respond with a mix of humor and disbelief, downplaying the friend's sexual experience.
Sal Vulcano (01:02): "Not having an asshole is more normal."
Chris Distefano (01:04): "Way more normal."
They continue to joke about the situation, creating a lighthearted atmosphere despite the seriousness of the topic.
3. Addressing the Normalcy and Impact
Stavros expresses his concern about his friend's acceptance of this situation and seeks guidance on how to approach the topic without offending him.
The group debates the implications of the friend's lack of experience, drawing analogies to societal and relational stability.
4. Exploring Solutions and Consequences
The friends brainstorm potential ways to help Stavros's friend, considering the possible repercussions on his family life.
They joke about the delicate balance between addressing the issue and respecting the friend's current relationship dynamics.
5. Concluding Thoughts and Support Strategies
As the conversation winds down, the friends propose strategies for Stavros to support his friend without overstepping boundaries.
They emphasize the importance of being a reliable friend who can offer guidance without forcing solutions.
Notable Quotes
Stavros Halkias (00:37): "This last weekend, he casually mentioned that he has never had a blowjob. And he thought that was totally normal."
Chris Distefano (03:04): "This does feel like... Should... Has Saddam Hussein been in charge of Iraq? No. Right. He's a bad guy who did bad things. But you topple him and the whole region is chaos."
Sal Vulcano (05:01): "This lady, you'd only have to blow him one time. This guy is so ready to come if you put your mouth near his bag."
Chris Distefano (15:28): "As a great friend, make yourself. You can't be. But you don't... Don't do any unilateral moves here. Don't do anything crazy. You have to be there as a support structure."
Conclusion
In this engaging and humorous episode, Stavros Halkias and his friends navigate the complexities of addressing a friend's unconventional personal life. Through laughter and candid conversation, they explore the boundaries of friendship, societal norms, and the delicate art of offering support without judgment. The episode underscores the importance of open dialogue and empathy when dealing with sensitive personal issues.