Bonus #116 - Live Call Show Vol. 22 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Summary

Stavvy's World: Bonus #116 - Live Call Show Vol. 22 [Patreon Preview]

Release Date: February 20, 2025
Host: Stavros Halkias

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Introduction

In this bonus episode of Stavvy's World, host Stavros Halkias engages in a live call show, offering relationship advice to listeners. The episode centers around a heartfelt conversation between Stavros and a caller named Elder, who seeks guidance on her budding relationship with a significantly older man. This detailed summary captures the essence of their discussion, highlighting key points, insights, and notable quotes.

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Caller’s Situation

Elder's Dilemma ([00:32] - [09:20])

Elder, a 26-year-old woman, shares her recent experiences dating a 35-year-old Greek man from Flushing. Her initial date was an extended day out that included coffee, a movie, and a punk show, culminating in an overnight stay and subsequent intimacy. While the first date was exhilarating, the second encounter revealed concerning signs: her date seemed distracted, heavily reliant on his phone with secured apps, and eventually canceled a planned third meeting.

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Host’s Advice and Discussion

Stavros's Perspective on Red Flags ([01:03] - [05:31])

Stavros immediately identifies several red flags in Elder’s story:

• Discrepancy in Date Dynamics: The shift from an intense first date to a lukewarm second meeting suggests inconsistency in his interest and behavior.

  "[...] that's a big red flag to me personally." – Stavros ([03:00])

• Age Gap Concerns: A nine-year difference raises questions about compatibility and life stages.

  "And he's 35." – Elder ([01:48])
  "Like, how old are you?" – Stavros ([01:45])

• Behavioral Inconsistencies: His preoccupation with his phone and the subsequent cancellation indicate potential lack of genuine interest or commitment.

  "I'm already in trouble if that's how you're thinking after two dates." – Stavros ([02:46])

Encouraging Self-Respect and Caution ([05:17] - [07:50])

Stavros emphasizes the importance of self-respect and not chasing the initial high of an exciting first date. He advises Elder to:

• Pump the Brakes: Avoid getting swept away by initial chemistry without evaluating long-term compatibility.

  "Average out these... you like him enough to keep seeing him, right?" – Stavros ([03:30])

• Set Boundaries: Stand up for herself if the relationship dynamics become uneven or if she feels taken for granted.

  "These are bad signs. And you have to like stand up for yourself enough to get out of a relationship like that." – Stavros ([04:00])

Analyzing Potential Motivations ([07:04] - [09:20])

The conversation delves into the cultural and personal aspects of Elder’s date, touching upon:

• Living Arrangements: Speculation about whether her date still lives with his parents, which may influence relationship dynamics.

  "He like lives in a basement, right?" – Stavros ([07:07])

• Deserving Respect: Stavros underscores the necessity for Elder to ensure that any potential partner has earned her desire to be in a long-term relationship.

  "Don't let's... fully decide if this person has earned you wanting them in your life full time." – Stavros ([07:38])

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Key Insights and Takeaways

1. Red Flags in Relationships: Rapid shifts in a partner’s behavior post-initial interactions can signal deeper incompatibilities or lack of genuine interest.

2. Importance of Self-Respect: Maintaining self-worth and not settling for inconsistent or uncommitted behavior is crucial in forming healthy relationships.

3. Navigating Age Gaps: Significant age differences require careful consideration of life stages, priorities, and mutual goals to ensure compatibility.

4. Cultural Considerations: Understanding and respecting cultural backgrounds can enhance relationship dynamics but should not overshadow personal compatibility.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "You can't chase the high of those vibes either, right?" – Stavros ([03:50])
• "This is a big red flag to me personally." – Stavros ([03:00])
• "You're already in trouble if that's how you're thinking after two dates." – Stavros ([02:46])
• "Don't let’s respect ourselves enough to fully decide if this person has earned you wanting them in your life full time." – Stavros ([07:38])

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Conclusion

In this episode of Stavvy's World, Stavros Halkias provides Elder with thoughtful and candid advice on navigating the complexities of a new and potentially unbalanced relationship. By highlighting the importance of recognizing red flags, maintaining self-respect, and carefully considering compatibility factors, Stavros empowers listeners to make informed and healthy decisions in their personal lives.

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Listeners Interested in More?
Want personalized advice or to be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV, leave a voicemail, and get some advice from Stavross Halkias and his friends!

Transcript

[Ryan]

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[Stavi]

What up?

[Elder]

Hi.

[Stavi]

What's going on?

[Elder]

Hi, Stavi. Okay, so basically I went on a date with this guy last week and it was only supposed to be like a coffee and like movie kind of thing, but then it went really well. So we spent like all day together and like, he invited me to this punk show and I met all of his friends. And then it was like, do you want to stay over? Kind of thing. And I was like, yeah, because, you know, whatever. So then, you know, sex happened.

[Stavi]

You think you're in a indie movie? The. You think you're in an indie movie? What the are you doing spending all day with this dude?

[Elder]

I know, but the vibes are good.

[Stavi]

All right, all right, whatever. Keep going. Sorry.

[Elder]

Okay, so then we hang out. Whatever. I leave. And then two days later we have plans to hang out again. And he wanted to do like something chill and just like hang at the house. And I was like, okay, that's fine. So we, like, watched a movie and got some Taco Bell. And it was chill, but he was like, low key, like on his phone a lot, which I thought was kind of weird.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it is weird.

[Elder]

Yeah. Also he has like that thing set up on his phone where like, it uses face ID to open, like his apps so people like, can't get into his apps, which is fair, I guess. Also, he's 35.

[Stavi]

And how old are you?

[Elder]

I'm 26.

[Unknown]

Okay, one more. One more question. I wonder what ethnicity is this guy?

[Elder]

Oh, he's a Greek guy. That's why.

[Unknown]

Oh, interesting.

[Elder]

Yeah. And he's from Flushing.

[Stavi]

I was like, why is eldest asking this race question with such confidence? I was like, what the fuck is this? You had prior info, you fucking piece of shit. Yeah, so you're. You're trying to turn me against a 35 year old Greek piece of shit who dates girls in their mid-20s? This is a tough one for me morally. This is. I have to, I have to. I have to recuse myself from this question.

[Elder]

I will say though, I really like him. Like, I just don't know. Like, yeah, is there something I should be doing? Especially like, he's super Greek. Like, is there something I should be doing that maybe, like, I don't know, that I'm not doing that would make him, I don't know, wife me up maybe?

[Stavi]

No, you're already in trouble if that's how you're thinking after two dates. Yeah, yeah.

[Unknown]

It's been like a week. First of all.

[Stavi]

I know, okay, the vibes were good. That's. And I respect that. But you can't chase the, the high of those vibes either, right? Because like, like that is one date. Sure, it was all day and it was actually probably like it was essentially four dates, if not five dates in one day. But like it was one date. And then when there's such a steep drop off in date quality that fast, that is a big red flag to me personally. Right? Like, to me, this guy might just be somebody who's good at woo. You know, like he's. And I, I identify this. Good at. Good at the job interview, horrible at the job. That might be who this guy is. You know what I mean? It might be the kind of thing where. And I. This sucks because clearly you, you hit it off, you're smitten by this guy and you know, like I said, he comes from great genetic stock. There's. You're right, you're right to think this, but I would. All my, my general advice right now is pump the brakes a little bit. As good as that date was, you gotta, you gotta like average out these. You. You like him enough to keep seeing him, right?

[Elder]

Yeah. Well, we were supposed to hang out tonight and then he canceled on me.

[Stavi]

Bad sign. I hate to be. I hate to hit you with some, with the, with the real, with some real shit here, but it's like that's another bad sign. And you kind of have to. And look, whatever. People cancel. What. It's fine if you see him again and the third date is good. I think it's like in. The third date is good. I think that buys him another one. But it's like if he's already kind of taken you for granted, like if you have this magical. He might just be a, A middle aged male manic pixie dream boy here where it's like you, he hooked you with this awesome kind of like fairy tale first date and Then he's fucking, you know, he's. You're eating cheesy gordita crunches and he's sexting with his face app while you're in the bathroom. You know what I mean? Like, that's a big drop off. That's a huge drop off.

[Elder]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So don't. You cannot go at it with this. Like, how do I impress this guy? Because he's clearly whatever scumbag. I'm like, Jesus Christ. I have to. This is like Elder's just. This is a paid actor. You, you gave her this so I would change the way I live my life.

[Unknown]

Yeah, I don't give a.

[Elder]

So eventually he will probably hear this.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Elder]

Has your calendar in his room and we had sex next to it.

[Unknown]

Bad sign. Bad, bad sign.

[Stavi]

Get out. But look, all that's all I would say is like, just. You don't want to be you. You are still in the fact finding stage of this. You like him enough to keep seeing him, right? I'm not saying break it off with this guy. I'm just saying you can't be in the. How do I make this guy date me? Because you're not even sure you want this guy to date you yet. You shouldn't be anyway. Right? Like, he's got to earn it a little bit. And you also have to be. You also have to stand up for yourself enough that if it's. If it's a couple weird dates in a row or even if it's just hot and cold and uneven and like he just kind of takes you for. He's. He's great one day and he's bad another day. These are bad signs. And you have to like stand up for yourself enough to get out of a relationship like that. And like that's why those first dates are always. If something is way too good, way too fast. It's like it's either the best thing of all time and that's what you're hoping. You're hoping. You just are having a whirlwind romance that's already gone. If we followed up with Taco Bell on a cancellation last minute. So that's done. This ain't. You're not telling. You know, that first date is in the rear view quite now. He can make up for it if he hit. If he's just great from here on out, then I'll eat my words. Am I betting on that? Not exactly. But like, so, yeah, that's before we get into how do you convince a. He's a 35 year old Greek guy from Flushing. Does he live with his fucking parents still too?

[Elder]

No, he moved out. But he like lives in a basement, right?

[Stavi]

I'm going to guess he moved out. And who. Let me see the fucking lease. Who owns that fucking basement is another question. Is it his parents? That's a, that's a Greek Queen's thing. A lot is they move, but it's just a unit their parents own. But yeah, so that's the other thing is like don't let's. Let's respect ourselves enough to fully, to fully decide if this person has earned you wanting them in your life full time.

[Unknown]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean?

[Elder]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So there you go. I'm sorry to have to give you a little. Sorry to just come at you with the, with the harsh truths, but that's how.

[Unknown]

Here's. Here's a franker way to put it.

[Stavi]

Like franker than that. You think I was too fudgeing gentle, you motherfucker. Go ahead.

[Elder]

Yeah, I think that was plenty gentle. But continue.

[Unknown]

I mean, I think like, you know, with a guy like this, he does probably sound like kind of like a shit bag kind of. I mean, he's 35, going to punk shows. That's like. Yeah, worst case scenario, he is kind of like, you know, manic pixie boy. Like stuff said, best case scenario, he's just like charismatic. But either way, especially with like, you know, there's like a nine year age gap here, it's like, you know, the way, the way to lock a guy like this down will not be to like press on. Make me your girlfriend.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Unknown]

The girls who get ahead, like, you just gotta stay down for like a.

[Stavi]

Long time and, and is, is the. Is it worth it? Is the question. You're right. You're actually right again. I'm thinking about what works on me and that's absolutely true.

[Unknown]

You got to stay down for unfortunately a long time and you know, if, if it is worth it and if it's not like demeaning to you.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Unknown]

But yeah, this guy will definitely not respond to getting pressed on. And what are we, like three weeks?

[Stavi]

You're probably. Yeah, you're right about that.

[Elder]

No, for sure. I'm willing to like, you know, wait it out obviously and like see what's the vibes. But yeah, I don't know, it's just weird after the second date and then the canceling today. But we are supposed to hang out on Sunday, so. Okay, we'll see.

[Stavi]

Well, hey, you know, you're still fact finding and stay in it as Long as it feels good for you. But be honest about when it feels good. Because if it stops, you have to be honest with yourself.

[Elder]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And just. And really. And don't think about what potentially could be. Judge him on what has actually happened. That's a huge one for a guy like this. I really, I really feel bad putting this information. This is just. Every girl breaks up with me right now. I get like four texts after this.

[Elder]

I will say he's like really hot. I just need to stay.

[Stavi]

Say that quickly before that makes sense. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Obviously, that's why, that's why he gets to behave this way. Yeah. He had to have something. I assumed he's. He's not a comedian, you know, he's not a very good. You know, he's got to be either talented or hot to behave this way.

[Elder]

Yeah. Amen.

[Stavi]

All right, well, good luck, sister.

[Ryan]

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