Bonus #136 - Live Call Show Vol. 27 [PATREON PREVIEW]

Summary

Stavvy's World - Bonus #136: Live Call Show Vol. 27 [Patreon Preview]

Release Date: July 10, 2025

In this bonus episode of "Stavvy's World," host Stavros Halkias engages in a raw and emotionally charged live call with a distressed listener seeking guidance on navigating a tumultuous long-distance relationship. This in-depth conversation delves into themes of trust, emotional abuse, self-worth, and the complexities of ending a significant relationship. Below is a comprehensive summary capturing all key points, discussions, insights, and conclusions from the episode.

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1. Introduction to the Caller and Relationship Background

Timestamp: [00:00 – 00:31]

The episode kicks off with Caller A sharing the recent end of a two-year relationship, out of which one and a half years were long-distance, spanning a six-hour drive apart.

• Caller A: "I've been dating this guy. Well, now it's over, but for about two years. Long distance for about a year and a half of that." (00:00 – 00:15)
• Host B: "Yeah. So barely. You were barely dating a guy, but I'm sorry. Go ahead." (00:15 – 00:21)

A reflects on the relationship's longevity, expressing surprise at staying together under long-distance conditions: "Which in hindsight is crazy." (00:15)

2. Escalation of Issues and Emotional Turmoil

Timestamp: [00:31 – 02:33]

As the conversation progresses, A reveals that the relationship deteriorated significantly in the last six to eight months, leading to emotional spiraling and feelings of dysregulation.

• Caller A: "It has gotten just insane in the last, like, six to eight months. And I'm just, like, totally spiraling." (00:31)

A begins to unpack deeper emotional challenges, including past trauma from high school:

• Caller A: "I was assaulted in high school and, like, eventually was just decided to, like, hook up with some people when I was, like, just about 21 to try and get over, like, that trauma." (02:00)

3. Discovery of Infidelity and Emotional Manipulation

Timestamp: [03:37 – 05:37]

A recounts a pivotal moment when she discovered a love note from her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend in his backpack, revealing ongoing emotional ties despite the breakup.

• Caller A: "It was this long posted note. You're my future. You make me feel complete. I have never felt this way about someone before. It's overwhelming, but in a really good way." (04:23)

This revelation leads to the realization of her boyfriend's infidelity, prompting feelings of betrayal and diminished self-worth.

• Host B: "This guy that made you prove your sexual worth is cheating on you..." (04:40)
• Caller A: "I feel so. Just stupid and like unworthy, which I know is dumb." (05:49)

4. Host’s Critical Response and Advice

Timestamp: [04:40 – 13:13]

Host B responds with a mix of empathy and harsh truths, emphasizing the need for immediate action to exit the abusive relationship.

• Host B: "You have to get out of this as soon as possible." (11:23)
• Host B: "Don't do this alone. Make this like a trip you do with your friends where you have a plan." (12:55)

B highlights the abusive dynamics at play, including emotional manipulation, gaslighting, and the partner's ongoing infidelity.

• Host B: "This is textbook abuse. Walking on eggshells, the highs, the lows, that's pretty textbook abuse." (10:26)

5. Deep Dive into Abusive Dynamics and Personal Growth

Timestamp: [07:00 – 13:13]

The discussion delves deeper into the cycle of shame and projection inflicted by the boyfriend, drawing parallels to previous podcast episodes on similar topics.

• Host B: "This is clearly the kind of guy who's been very good at manipulating you and you don't even want to give him the shot at trapping you in another hot and cold, you know, thing." (05:37)

B underscores the importance of therapy and self-reflection to overcome the psychological impacts of the abusive relationship.

• Host B: "You definitely need to go to therapy. You definitely need to understand why this works on you." (13:13)

6. Practical Steps for Moving Forward

Timestamp: [11:20 – 16:40]

B offers concrete advice on how A should handle the logistics of ending the long-distance relationship, including retrieving personal belongings safely.

• Host B: "Don't be alone with this guy. Don't catch up. None of that happens. Make this like a trip you do with your friends where you have a plan." (12:55)

Emphasizing community support, B humorously promises financial assistance for moving logistics, reinforcing the show's supportive environment.

• Host B: "If you need money for a U haul, Elvis will Venmo you from the company account." (16:43)

7. Resolution and Emotional Support

Timestamp: [16:40 – 17:23]

As the call concludes, A expresses gratitude for the support received, while B reiterates unwavering support and encourages A to update the community post-recovery.

• Caller A: "Thank you, Stabby." (17:13)
• Host B: "Good luck, McBitch. We believe in you." (17:13)

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Key Takeaways

1. Recognizing Abuse: The episode lays bare the subtle and overt signs of emotional abuse, including manipulation, gaslighting, and infidelity.
2. Importance of Self-Worth: A central theme is the impact of abusive relationships on an individual's self-esteem and the necessity of reclaiming one's sense of worth.
3. Support Systems: Emphasizes the critical role of friends, community support, and professional therapy in healing from abusive relationships.
4. Practical Exit Strategies: Offers actionable advice on safely ending toxic relationships, especially long-distance ones, highlighting the importance of not handling such breaks alone.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Emotional Impact of Discovery:

  "Make a bitch. What are we even talking about? This is insane. This guy that made you prove your sexual worth is cheating on you..." (04:40)

• Advice on Therapy and Personal Growth:

  "You definitely need to go to therapy. You definitely need to understand why this works on you." (13:13)

• Encouragement and Solidarity:

  "Good luck, McBitch. We believe in you." (17:13)

---

Conclusion

This episode of "Stavvy's World" serves as a powerful exploration of the intricacies involved in abusive long-distance relationships. Through Caller A's vulnerable narrative and Host B's forthright advice, listeners gain valuable insights into identifying red flags, the importance of self-worth, and actionable steps to extricate oneself from toxic dynamics. The episode underscores the significance of community support and professional help in overcoming personal relationship challenges.

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Note: The timestamps provided correspond to the conversation flow within the transcript, enhancing the reader's ability to reference specific parts of the discussion.

Transcript

[A]

So to get into it, I've been dating this guy. Well, now it's over, but for about two years. Long distance for about a year and.

[B]

A half of that, so.

[A]

Which in hindsight is crazy.

[B]

Yeah. So barely. You were barely dating a guy, but. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[A]

Yeah. Barely dating. Decided to go long distance. About, like, a six hour drive.

[B]

Okay. Not horrible.

[A]

It has gotten just insane in the last, like, six to eight months. And I'm just, like, totally spiraling.

[B]

What's the wait? So wait, I'm sorry, you're still dating or you were dating?

[A]

We're dating. We broke up on the night.

[B]

So you. Okay. So I'm sorry. I thought. I thought when you. When you first called and you said we. I was dating. But you got. You're so it's been two years and it's a year and a half, and you're six hour. You're a six hour drive apart. Is that correct, McBitch? Did we lose McBitch?

[A]

Yes. Yes. Can you hear me?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Yes. Yes. It's. Everything you just said was correct.

[B]

Oh, that's correct. And. And recently, you're just starting to look, you're like, what the going on? I don't want to do this. Is that what's going. Like this. This situation is just stressful for you? Is that what's going on? Is that what you mean by spiraling?

[A]

Yeah, like, I'm just, like, kind of coming out of the fog now to some of, like, the shame and, like, insecurity he's projected onto me. And I feel so, like, dysregulated, and I'm not really sure what to do about it other than go to therapy.

[B]

What's. Wait, wait, what's. What's. What the. So he's also. So not only are you long distance, but he's projecting shame onto you. In what way? What are we talking?

[A]

So prior to me, he dated a girl for six years. They were their first everything, whatever. On the other hand, I was assaulted in high school and, like, eventually was just decided to, like, hook up with some people when I was, like, just about 21 to try and get over, like, that trauma.

[B]

You don't. You don't even need it, by the way. You don't have to explain. There's no. You also were just 21, and whatever the. Whatever reason you wanted to go with people is totally fine.

[A]

Exactly. I agree. But just for context.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And so when we met online, I was very honest, like, with my past and everything about him, and it wasn't.

[B]

A problem until, I mean, right there. Hold on. The fact that that was even coming up is nuts. Where you're like, I was very honest about, like, what I assume body count. Like, that. The fact that that's like a. The fact that even came up is nuts. Like, like, it's not a job interview. You're, like, dating somebody. So, like, that's strike one on this motherfucker already. And the fact you even felt the need to like. And you know what else is fucked up? Like, I can tell that you even like, sort of the argument of like, well, I was assaulted and I was doing this to get like, clearly you sort of, like, have been forced to even rationalize stuff in a way that's incredibly fucked up because of this person's insecurity is already I see two incredible red flags just, you know, 45 seconds into this description. But let's keep going.

[A]

Okay, so it wasn't like a problem, like, when we had talked about that early on. Like, that is until I found out about, like, his, like, weird relationship with a co worker. I went down to, like, visit and I found this note. And the note was crazy, like, from her, like, in his backpack. Well, yes.

[B]

What the. That's insane. He kept. It's a moment. It's like you didn't just see like a little. A desk with a smiley face on it or a note on a smiley face on his desk. He had a memento from her.

[A]

Do you want to hear it?

[B]

Sure. Yes.

[A]

Um. It was this long posted note. You're my future. You make me feel complete. I have never felt this way about someone before. It's overwhelming, but in a really good way.

[B]

Make a bitch. What are we even talking about? This is insane. This guy that made you prove your sexual worth is cheating on you, and you're in a long distance relationship. What is the question other than get the fuck out out. Immediate get the out eight months ago, but start now.

[A]

I know, I know, I know.

[B]

My future. She didn't even ramp up. She's my future. What the. Okay, sorry, go ahead. That's just nuts.

[A]

Yeah. The end of it is. It'll always end with you and I together. I love you so much my heart hurts sometimes.

[B]

You're like, I wonder what that means. This is crazy.

[A]

Yes. And the kicker was, when I later confronted him about it, he told me it was his ex of six years. Even though this bitch signed the fucking note.

[B]

I mean, this is fucking nuts. What's. What's going on with you that you. That you think you Deserve to be treated this way. This is crazy. This guy's a piece of shit.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Like you got gaslit to oblivion. It's insane.

[A]

And I just like, I feel so. Just stupid and like unworthy, which I know is dumb.

[B]

Listen, unworthy, you know, you shouldn't stupid letting the note like that slide. That's okay to feel a little stupid, you know, I mean obviously that's because it's all connect. I know it's all connected emotionally, but also it's like, you know, that is a lesson of like if I'm ever in a situation like this again, no matter what all my fucked up psychological hang ups are telling me, don't be fudgeing dumb. Immediately break up with this piece of shit before he can bring up the fact that I fucked five guys when I was 22 as some kind of. As some kind of thing that like makes it okay that he's at least in doing some of the most emotional of cheating I've ever seen in my life. Maybe he's some kind of weird, you know, whatever like semen retention guy who's not actually fucking her but something up is happening. No, no doubt. But anyway, go ahead.

[A]

Well, so I, you know, forgave them whatever. But like nuts. I obviously regret. Yes, I clearly have some attachment dishes. But from there like this started a crazy like, but gradual like shame and project projection cycle. And the reason I called was because I was listening to your guys's Patreon episode. Just you and. Or you and Elvis. The one where you had Pandas Express. The guy talking about how his girlfriend fucked his friend. Like his mutual friend.

[B]

Oh yes, the 20, the 20 year old kid who couldn't get over that bullshit.

[A]

Yes. And like feeling all the shame and like jealousy. But this is just like that to a millionth degree. Like asking me crazy stuff like, like comparing like dick sizes. Oh my like like crazy shit. And I'm just like, oh, I don't even know.

[B]

Yeah, I mean I just like yours is the biggest. I know that's one of the most. You don't want to ask about body count size. I remember when like oh man. Like somebody. I was like on again, off again. Just like was telling a funny anecdote about some guy. She, she. It was, she was, she was like so did not realize what she was saying because she was like, yeah. I mean we had a really toxic setup and like she was like, yeah, I mean I didn't. She was talking about how she. We were like every time we would hook up, we'd be like, so how many people have you. You know what I mean? It was like, kind of up and weird. And she was like, well, I tried to this guy, but his dick was too big to fit in my pussy. And I was like, I have to go. It's like. It's like. It's like, don't worry. You ao none of that. I saw that guy's dick and I was scared, and it's like, that's not really reassuring, you know? But anyway, sorry, this is just a. Just a toxic situation I was in. But that's very fascinating that because I assume the shame stuff would, like, be a tool for gaslighting. Not that this kind of unleash some kind of weird, clearly cuck cuck adjacent, like, you know, worries or like, because anybody wants this much detail, even if they're saying it, like, I just want to make sure, you know, you're not a. What they mean is it turns me on and I'm a cuck, and I have to pretend I'm doing it in an alpha way instead of the fact that I am weirdly getting off on this, in my opinion, as a amateur, untrained psychiatrist. But anyway, so this is all. This is crazy. This is true. First of all, as we've addressed. And we don't want to, you know, we don't want to really, you know, rub your nose in the. On in the floor of the. Like, the note is really where it at. It should have ended and we shouldn't even gotten to how big was that guy's dick. But we got there and then. Is that where you are right now? Is. What's. Are there any other. Is there anything else going on?

[A]

It just, like, kept going all the time. And like, they were just like, such high highs and such low lows. Like where I was walking on eggshells so much to avoid triggering him. Like, the craziest shit would trigger him. Like, the one day this song came on the radio and I could, like, I started, like, seeing his reactions, like, before he even did anything. And he's like, how do you know that song? Like, always, how do you know anything? Anything I did, anything I talked about any.

[B]

By the way, he's cheating on you now, by the way. Like, like, that's the other thing. It's like, you caught him cheating. He clearly didn't stop. He might have stopped. Like, this is the kind of projection that happens when someone's actively cheating. Like, let alone is a weird, insecure kind of half cuck type guy that. That's all of that is kind of throw all that in a blender. That's what's going on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So look, thank you for sharing and hopefully this helped you get it off your chest, but this is a great. This is what we call a lesson. You have to get out of this as soon as possible. This is a great benchmark for how you will never be treated ever again in a relationship. Yeah. The next time you find a love note from someone else, maybe remember this instant, let alone asking about your body count in terms. In like a screening way. Not in, like, look like you never want to ask about it. But it wasn't even. Like, we've been together a while. I'm. We're over the hang ups. Like, give me a ballpark. Like, let's just. Let's just play with fire here. It was like. So I hope you've only. How many have you sucked? And if it's too high, I don't even. I don't even want to consider inviting you over to my house before. After going to Macaroni Grill or whatever. The. This guy's even taking you. That's crazy. The. Clear. The long distance thing might be crazy. The. But that's what people can decide. And then. But the love note. And then this behavior is fucking insane. So you got to get out of this. Are you still long distance at least? Like, will that be easy?

[A]

Yeah, we were long distance. I'm just like, I. We have since broken up on the 9th, but I have to go down there this weekend to get my stuff and I'm just feeling really.

[B]

Yo. Get your stuff shipped.

[A]

For real?

[B]

Yeah. I mean, can you leave your stuff there? How much stuff is it? What are we talking?

[A]

I moved about half my stuff down there.

[B]

Oh, wow. What the.

[A]

Yeah, that. Yeah, this was like, you know, good, bad, Good, bad. Just really, like.

[B]

Yeah. Well, you definitely need to go to therapy. You definitely need to understand why this works on you. This is clearly. And by the way, I, you know, and you're not lucky, but in some ways, this guy's. This guy is abusive, but he's also clearly a pussy. And like, you want to nip this in the bud before somebody, like, way more evil than this guy gets his hooks into you because you clearly have some unresolved stuff. Right? We all have it. You shouldn't be ashamed of it. But it is something that you need to figure out so that you don't. Because, like, right now this is annoying and you wasted some time. But it's not that bad. It's kind of like, wow, I'm fucking stupid in hindsight. But very easily, this kind of the stuff that works on you, this walking on eggshells, the highs, the lows, that's pretty textbook abuse. And like, like, you know, we've been having a good time, whatever. But I think it is important for you to like really investigate this stuff and like get into therapy and realize this because it could be where like on a, on a slightly serious note, it's like you want to be aware of this stuff because you know, we've had, I've had friends who have been in these kinds of relate like in abusive relationships that you don't realize it until later that it takes them a while to get over and you've already wasted some of your time with just a fucking idiot. You don't want to waste more of it with like a malicious like person. Whether that's physical, psychological, whatever, you just don't, you know, nobody deserves that. And so that's kind of like my main advice. And then in terms of the right now, okay, you have too much stuff to get shipped, whatever, go with a friend. Yeah, like don't do this alone. This is all business. Go. You're in fact your friend should be the one who actually like you should never go alone with this. Don't be alone with this guy. Don't catch up. None of that happens. Make this like a trip you do with your friends where you have a plan. You, you can do it quickly, right? Like it's not going to turn into an all day affair. Pay for movers even if you have the money. If you don't, then take a couple friends because you know, you want to be completely, you want to completely wash your hands of it. And this feels like the kind of guy who's been very good at manipulating you and you don't even want to give him the shot at kind of trapping you in another hot and cold, you know, thing because as we've already established, you're kind of dumb and you might fall for it. Okay, yeah, yeah, but it's good. This is. Look, we all make dumb mistakes. We all have bad relationships and in the grand scheme of things it's good that you got this out of your system and figured this out in a way that's really not that big a deal, right? Like it's annoying and you got gaslit and probably cheated on by some mid at an office. You probably got cucked by some six and that's okay, right? We've all been cucked here and there. It's not a big deal, but you're good. You're good. Now you just have to completely wash your hands of the situation and take these lessons for your. For your next, you know, relationships. And if. If it feels like you're. If you feel like deja vu in any way with a relationship, you really gotta, like, cut that shit off. You can never go down this kind of path again because, unfortunately, this is the kind of archetype that's a re really bad people behave this way, too. Not just dumbass insecure like guys who have a little dick and are worried about it.

[A]

Yeah, but.

[B]

But we believe in you. You're gonna do it, right? You're gonna take a friend. Yeah, okay. Hell, don't get sucked back in this week. Do not get sucked back in. If you need money for a U haul, eldest will venmo you from the company account. I'm serious. I'm not even joking. Yeah, no, literally, we'll send you, like, 300 or whatever if you need it to get a U haul to. Not with this guy. That's the kind of show this is. Okay, so reach out if you need that for. That's 100% real, by the way.

[A]

Thank you, Stabby.

[B]

You got it. Good luck, McBitch. We believe in you. And listen, update us, all right, when you're a fully free woman. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, well, thank you, guys.

[B]

All right. Bye. Bye. Bye.